#before i finally came up with the parody title

[find-the-path]

what's 'The Warden and the Bear King'? :D

[an anon also asked this, so I won't be answering that one :D]

The Warden and the Bear King is a Wingfeather Saga AU! I can go into detail but it contains some pretty heavy spoilers for the Saga, and I don't know if you've read it. If you haven't, spoilers below!

The original idea was Artham, while wandering the Blackwood after his exit from the Deeps, finds the way back into the Deeps with the water from the First Well, rescuing his brother. The greater part of the AU is the roadtrip arduous journey across the Dark Sea to Skree. There wasn't really anywhere for the AU to go after that (if it followed canon, eventually the ending might be worse, considering Artham would never be melded and Peet's Castle never built, not to mention would the kids be the Jewels if their father's alive?). It was a fun AU to plot and write though!

[twistedtummies2]

Top 6 Epic Mickey Characters

Today is the release of the new “Rebrushed” Edition of a game I loved a ton growing up: “Epic Mickey.” I was OBSESSED with this game when it came out way back in 2010, and at the time it came out, it was treated as a big deal! There was a ton of merchandising and advertisement for this title, more so than you would get for most Disney games, and it’s not hard to see why: the game promised to provide a different kind of adventure for Mickey Mouse, with a darker tone and a focus on more obscure Disney characters and old cartoons. Nowadays, in hindsight, I feel the game could have gone even further than it did (and, apparently, the creators WANTED it to go further than it did, but either due to budget constraints, corporate meddling, or a bit of both, they couldn’t), but I still have a huge soft spot for it. It’s probably my favorite thing to feature Mickey Mouse as a heroic character, and it still has a notable cult following. Ironically for a game that focused on the obscure and the forgotten, the game itself sort of faded into obscurity for a while; despite the release of two sequels (namely a console follow-up called “Power of Two,” and a portable spin-off called “Power of Illusion”), the franchise sort of fizzled out pretty quickly, and for a long time it was seen as naught but an unusual footnote in the history of Disney and its presence in gaming. To celebrate the return of this game to store shelves (and, I believe, online distribution), I decided to do a quick rundown of my Top 6 characters from the games. Why Top 6, you may ask? Simple: because after six, it all gets kerbobbled. It’s harder for me to choose and rank characters beyond that point, simply because who I favor among them changes depending on my mood and how recently I’ve revisited portions of the game. My Top 6, however, have consistently been my Top 6 - both in terms of choices and ranking - pretty much from day one, and I don’t think will ever change, so they’re the ones I feel most comfortable discussing. Also, I’m going to attempt to avoid spoilers with this list, so I’m going to keep focused as much as possible on the first game, with less emphasis on the sequels. (Fortunately, all six characters appear in the first game, though some of the Honorable Mentions are from later titles.) I'll also try to avoid giving away too many of the twists in the plot, for those who will be playing Epic Mickey for the first time via this Rebrushed Edition. With that said, let’s dive into the Wasteland! These are My Top 6 Favorite Characters from Epic Mickey!

6. Pete.

What many people may not realize about Mickey’s famed arch-enemy is that Pete is actually the single longest-lasting recurring Disney character in history. Pete doesn’t just predate Mickey himself, he even predates Oswald the Lucky Rabbit: the character first showed up as a recurring villain in the silent animation/live-action hybrid “Alice Comedies,” with his first appearance dating back to 1925. That’s a whole three years before Mickey, and two years before Oswald! It’s therefore not entirely surprising to see Pete in the Wasteland, especially since the character has had so many different guises and roles throughout his long history…a fact that Epic Mickey takes humorous advantage of. You see, there isn’t just ONE Pete in the Epic Mickey universe. Oh, no. There are no less than FOUR. “Pete Prime” (the one picture here) is Big Bad Pete, who appears to be the town sheriff of Mean Street. Next there’s Small Pete, who lives in the Gremlin Village and is comically dressed up like a little Dutch girl doll. Then there’s Petetronic, who is basically what you’d get if Pete cosplayed as Commander Sark and is the head of Tomorrow City. Finally, there’s Pete Pan: a parody of Peter Pan who flies around Ventureland, mostly spending his time annoying the Wasteland’s version of Captain Hook. Interestingly, most of these Petes seem to be relatively nice characters, rather than real menaces to toon society…but be careful: a character with such a long and checkered past may not always be trustworthy.

5. Gremlin Gus.

Of all the characters left stranded and forgotten in the Wasteland, the Gremlins are easily the most obscure of the bunch. The characters were conceived in the mind of Roald Dahl - the author best known for his works of children’s literature, such as “The BFG” and “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Dahl wrote a story simply called “The Gremlins” that was going to be transformed into a Disney movie…but for various reasons, the film never came to pass. The book itself has fallen into utter obscurity, and the scrapped project is largely unknown by even the most ardent Disney fans: I, myself, only knew of the Gremlins prior to Epic Mickey because of a paper ad for a re-release of the book in the early 2000s. In “Epic Mickey,” however, the Gremlins are a major part of the universe: since the movie was never really a thing, and the book is so little-known nowadays, the creators of the game were able to create their own twist on the Gremlins unique to this world. They are essentially the custodians of the Wasteland, performing a variety of jobs and services to keep the place ship-shape. The most prominent of them all is their leader, Gus. Gremlin Gus is a sort of “Papa Smurf” figure for the Gremlins, and acts as Mickey’s guide through the games, providing bits of advice and various hints along the rodent’s journey. Think of him along the lines of the Cheshire Cat from the American McGee’s Alice games, or one of Link’s many companions (such as Navi, Midna, or Fi) from The Legend of Zelda. In the first game, the vocal effects for Gremlin Gus were provided by veteran voice actor Bob Joles. In “Power of Two,” Gus was given a proper speaking voice, provided by none other than the Dread Pirate Roberts himself, Cary Elwes…and I can’t help but think such casting is why they perhaps gave Gus a few TOO MANY lines in the sequel, buuut that’s another story for another time.

4. Mickey Mouse.

I debated whether or not to give Mickey a place in the ranks of his own, for various reasons, but after some deliberation…yeah. I think he’s earned it in this case. As I said in the preamble, this is probably my favorite thing made to feature Mickey himself, and Mickey is part of that. This is one of those rare occasions where the premise of the story largely results from Mickey’s own actions and inactions, rather than the machinations of some other scoundrel: it is due to Mickey’s own foolery that the Phantom Blot and the Thinner Disaster are created. It is due to Mickey’s popularity that Oswald and several other characters in the Wasteland are forgotten to begin with. Now, Mickey has to essentially remember and salvage the very things that are in ruin because of him. The game plays around with this idea of saving and destroying through its chief mechanic: the magic paintbrush Mickey uses can destroy things by shooting streams of hyper-acidic thinner, or create through use of an enchanted paint. Different obstacles can be overcome by different uses of the two tools, and some can be dealt with in multiple ways: choice is a key factor of Mickey’s story, as well as the player. Originally, the game makers wanted to go even further with this idea, with the player’s decisions making Mickey more good or more evil throughout the story, but while the final result may be toned down from their initial schemes, I think it still works brilliantly. Mickey is still the fun-loving hero we all recognize, but there’s that little bit of mischief and extra depth to the character present because of this idea of choice and the way he’s depicted. The sequels continued these ideas, with choice remaining a major part of the story in “Power of Two” once more, and paint and thinner still being equally useful in “Power of Illusion.” Bottom line: move over, Kingdom Hearts. THIS is how you make Disney’s most recognizable rodent into an action-ready gaming star.

3. The Phantom Blot.

This character is the main antagonist of the original Epic Mickey, and has been referred to by multiple names: Shadow Blot, Storm Blot, King Blot, or simply “The Blot.” Whatever you call this character, I’ll always refer to him as “The Phantom Blot,” since that is who the character basically is meant to be. In Disney comics and cartoons, the Blot has been an enemy of Mickey Mouse for many years - dating back to the 1940s, in fact. Typically, he’s depicted as a campy supervillain; a costumed criminal mastermind garbed in an inky cloak and cowl. However, in “Epic Mickey,” the Blot is reimagined as something far more monstrous: a creature made of ink, accidentally formed by Mickey when he meddled with some magic in Yen Sid’s workshop, the Blot is the cause of all the misery going on in the Wasteland. This Blot eventually turns out to be bigger than a castle, and able to send out swarms of “bloticles” to literally drain the life from the Wasteland. The Blot is intelligent, but not complex: he has no purpose other than to destroy, and longs to take Mickey’s heart, since only toons with hearts can leave the Wasteland. With that power, he can venture forth and continue to devour other worlds of their energy and life. I had heard of the Phantom Blot before Epic Mickey, but I really didn’t know much about the character: this radical reinvention, for a kid, was quite the introduction. And while I’ve since looked into the ACTUAL Phantom Blot and found great joy in his exploits, I still enjoy this reimagining. In my opinion, the Blot is one of the best video game villains of all time; more a force of cruel nature than anything else, he is a terrifying beast few players will ever forget.

2. The Mad Doctor.

So, here’s something interesting to note: out of all the “forgotten” characters featured in Epic Mickey, I actually knew almost all of them when the game came out. Some of them I knew pretty well, others I didn’t but I had at least heard of before the game’s release. The one exception to this rule was this guy: the Mad Doctor. The Doc was the titular antagonist of the Mickey Mouse cartoon “The Mad Doctor” from 1933 - one of the few Disney cartoons that’s actually managed to fall into the public domain. Many consider it to be one of the darkest Mickey cartoons ever made, and in “Epic Mickey,” the infamous mad scientist has not mellowed much with age. It’s explained that the Mad Doctor, when he first came to the Wasteland, was seemingly a friendly figure, and became an ally to Oswald. He was considered one of Oswald’s best friends, in fact. However, it’s ultimately revealed that the Mad Doctor was always just as wicked as he was in the cartoon; biding his time till he could make a grab for power. When the Blot came to the Wasteland, in the wake of the Thinner Disaster, the Mad Doctor turned on the good people of the kingdom, creating an army of cartoon cyborgs called “Beetleworx” (part toon, part machine) to help conquer everything. There’s a lot more I could say about the Mad Doctor that makes him interesting - especially in regards to the sequel games and a few twists in the launch title - but since I’m trying to avoid spoilers, I think it’s best I save a lot of that for another time. Suffice it to say, this was a great introduction to a great villain and a great cartoon, and I’m glad that Epic Mickey was able to give a little bit more attention to the Mad Doctor for modern audiences.

1. Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

Oswald was the main reason I got so interested in Epic Mickey so long ago, and was, in fact, more or less the reason the game happened to begin with. One of Walt Disney’s earliest creations, Oswald - who was the inspiration for not only Mickey himself, but also Bugs Bunny of WB fame in real-life - was the world’s first major cartoon star. After copyright issues led to Walt Disney breaking away from Universal Studios, and forming his own company, Oswald rapidly declined in popularity, and eventually pretty much vanished off the face of the Earth. In the real world, when Disney bought the rights to Oswald back from Universal many years later, this immediately transitioned into using him in a big (marketable) way, which led to the idea of Epic Mickey. Warren Spector (head of the team behind the game) became interested the instant Oswald was mentioned, being a huge animation buff, and as production went on, Oswald became a richer and richer character. In early concepts of the game’s story, he was actually going to be one of the main villains of the story, but by the time the game came out, he had transformed into the secondary protagonist. In the fictional story of the games, Oswald is the ruler of the Wasteland…but unlike others who are more or less happy with their existence, Oswald’s feelings of dejection have steadily consumed him. He is portrayed as Mickey Mouse’s long-lost brother; he resents the fame and fortune Mickey got, while he was basically left to rot. He is so obsessed that he creates a place called Mickeyjunk Mountain, where he spends countless hours brooding over his failures and his lost family, surrounded by remnants of Mickey’s fame that span decades; everything from bubble gum machines to NES game cartridges. The adventure in the Wasteland gives Mickey a chance to not only connect with his past and save the world, but to reconnect with and save Oswald, too. It’s the relationship between Oswald and Mickey, beyond all else, that makes the games so powerful, and Frank Welker - who provided Oswald’s vocal effects/voice in all the games - gives probably one of my favorite performances in his entire career. And keep in mind, this is the guy who played characters like Megatron, Garfield, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Fred AND Scooby from various takes on Scooby-Doo, and more “creature voices” than you can shake a stick at. To call this among his best is saying a LOT. For both his fictional prominence and historical significance, it’s no surprise that I name Oswald the Lucky Rabbit as My Favorite Epic Mickey Character. Case closed.

HONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE…

The Three Little Pigs.

Horace Horsecollar.

Gremlin Prescott.

Clarabelle Cow.

Captain Hook.

[finalgirlminamurray]

remember when halloween 2018 (or as i like to call it, halloween h40) came out and people were making those flowchart-style diagrams explaining the various halloween timelines? i like when people try to do that for the texas chainsaw massacre series because it is a fool's errand. you cannot divide that series into distinct specific continuities because there aren't any. there's a good argument to be made that every single film in that series takes place in its own completely separate timeline because it so often does not bother to meaningfully connect them beyond the single recurring character of leatherface.

i've mentioned before that tcm2 is my favorite sequel and the only one i actually like and will accept as a canon sequel to the original film, and part of that is because despite the complete 180 in tone it does, it's the only one that bothers at all to be a sequel. i think it's the only one that makes sense as a continuation of the first movie - the only glaring continuity errors are confined to the opening scroll text, which you can take or leave as part of the films' canon. (by this i mean the first movie's opening implies that the sawyers' crimes were discovered after sally's escape, while the second film explicitly says no evidence was found. also it retcons sally's last name to be "hardesty-enright" instead of just making lefty's last name also hardesty, for whatever reason.) there's one newly introduced member of the family but you can infer why he wasn't there in the first movie, and the one who isn't there this time has a good reason to be absent (he's died.) one of the main characters in this movie is a relative of the first film's final girl and his involvement in the plot is explicitly connected to what happened to his niece and nephew. the events of the first movie clearly happened in this universe. low bar, i know.

this could be attributed to this being the only sequel also directed by tobe hooper, although the original film's screenwriter did not return, and him having more of a vested interest in continuing the story of his own work. most of the original film's cast did not return for this one (can't say i blame them), but they work with that pretty well. i do think the film ends in a way that pretty decisively puts the brakes on any possible continuation from there, which could be attributed to hooper not really wanting to do a sequel in the first place and trying not to get asked back for another one. (i agree this was not a film that should ever have had sequels, much less become a full-on franchise. but you can tell that upon having to do it they were just like fuck it, let's have fun. hence the tone.) not that that stopped the studios from valiantly trying again and again to profit off of this title.

which might explain why the later sequels are so particularly weird. they don't really have a lot to go off of, i guess. i think part of the problem is that this is one of the few slasher films where the villain is actually a group of people, not a single recurring killer or identity various killers take up. they do have a silent, masked slasher who can be played by whichever new stunt guy you get for each film, but what about the rest of the family? it's always felt important to me that there isn't anyone outside of this isolated little unit in the first movie, but sequels keep inventing totally new characters out of nowhere with no explanation as to where they've been in previous installments. doesn't matter - we're in a new continuity now. tcm3 does not logically follow in any real way from tcm2 or tcm1. it's not a sequel despite the number in the title. it's a reboot.

(i've kind of come around on tcm4 aka tcm: the next generation. i used to think it was the worst sequel but now i think i get what it's trying to do a little better, although it is a pretty stupid movie in a lot of ways. some people have described tcm2 as a deliberate parody of the first film but i think that applies way better to the next generation, seeing how it follows a lot of the same plot beats but done in a more outlandish and parodic way. also, hey: same screenwriter as the original, returning this time as director.)

then the remake made a shit ton of money and kickstarted a new direction for 2000s horror (great. thanks for that.) and got a prequel that also actually made sense as existing in the same continuity as the film it was a prequel to. (again it probably really helped that they were able to get most of the cast back. no need to invent new family members when you still have all the same people playing them.) then in 2013 we got a sequel that promised to Finally be a Direct sequel to the original movie and...it made no sense as one. they try to pick up right where the original left off but right away there are once again a whole bunch of new characters who definitely weren't there in the first movie suddenly appearing in the house, including a baby whose existence is crucial to the plot.

(i'm sure everyone knows about the bizarre timeline decisions of this one, namely the main character ostensibly having been born in the same year as the events of tcm1 but only being about 18 years old during the main events of texas chainsaw 3d, despite it seeming to take place in the modern day. however there is an explanation for that! originally the film was supposed to take place in the early 90s when a character born in 1973 would have been that age, but studio meddling forced them to reshoot it to be 2013. you might notice that any mention or depiction of the exact year the opening scene takes place seems conveniently obscured in this film, implying that it is yet another alternate timeline where the events of tcm1 occurred sometime in the 1990s. this also serves as further demonstration that 1. studio executives are the dumbest people alive, and 2. people really don't care that much about the first movie. more on that later.)

leatherface 2017 is an attempt at a prequel that also makes little to no sense as a backstory for its titular character; i wouldn't be surprised if it started out as an original screenplay that got retrofitted into a tcm movie. there are no new sawyer relatives invented for this film (i don't think), but it does seem strangely insistent on keeping its leatherface away from the family for as much of the film as possible, making it feel especially like it didn't actually want to be a tcm movie. (the twist of the titular character's identity is clearly meant primarily to be surprising and not to make sense, but i can only say: there's no way that the original film's leatherface grew up apart from his birth family for that long and also used to be a "normal"-by-neurotypical-standards, verbal kid. different continuity.)

then in 2022 we get yet another attempt at No Guys Seriously For Real, This is a Direct Sequel to the First Movie, and i should have known things weren't looking good when it was announced this was actually getting dumped on netflix in february but my expectations plummeted to rock bottom when that teaser came out that thought the most relevant part of the movie to sell to people was a "canceled" joke. jesus. tcm:tng i'm sorry, this is the clear worst sequel. (if it was just that one dumb joke it might not be, but there's so much more that's awful in this movie - whatever.) anyway continuity-wise i guess this isn't completely disconnected, there is clear acknowledgement that the events of the first movie happened, but it's really not relevant to the main plot at all, when you get right down to it. pro tip: if a slasher sequel advertises the return of the original film's final girl, she will most likely not be in the film for more than five minutes. there's some implied backstory about leatherface running away to this neighboring town and being taken in by the lady who runs the orphanage, but honestly this could easily be yet another different continuity where leatherface is the adopted son of a kindly old lady (who still has a confederate flag in her window, jfc, i think this is the first time that imagery has ever been used in this series and it's associated with a character who's supposed to be sympathetic??) who was keeping a lid on his murderous tendencies before she died. points for effort i guess but i don't think it deserves much.

i really don't know why this series in particular is like this. most horror franchises will have their movies clearly follow each other and exist within the same continuity, sometimes with a reboot or two if they've gone on long enough (see: halloween having at least three different timelines, but all clearly branching from the same source.) if it's supposed to be an anthology series, they'll just...say that. i've heard it said that this series works best when viewed as variations on a theme, like the original film's events are an urban legend of sorts being told and retold around the campfire and every version is different because everyone remembers it differently or makes up their own. i do like that and think it makes the franchise make more sense but i know most people watching these movies aren't thinking about it like that, they're thinking of them all as sequels to the same movie, with the remake and its prequel being the only ones clearly existing in their own separate continuity.

it's a little sad to see how no one making official movies in the series seems to really care that much about the ostensible source material. maybe i'm biased because it's the film my brain latched onto the hardest when i started really getting into horror, but i think this movie is so interesting and there's so much there to explore with the little we're given about these characters and their dynamics and what they do and why they do it, and even if you can't really dive into all that in a movie you could at least use what's already there for your sequel and most of them just...don't. like they don't seem to have watched the original movie even before writing a sequel to it, just going off their own vague memories about that one scary movie about a guy with a human skin mask and a chainsaw. i know i shouldn't be expecting any more from a slasher franchise on its 9th installment but...whatever. it is what it is. this was never supposed to be a franchise in the first place. at least i can shout into the void about my thoughts and feelings on here.

(i think i read somewhere that the filmmakers were actually forbidden from referencing cannibalism in the script for texas chainsaw 3d and if that's true...oh boy. talk about missing the point. if you feel like something significant is missing in the later films in this series that's probably part of it.)

[gravity-what]

GASP! Could it really be? The lost season 4 of Xiaolin Showdown is finally being released to the public! OH I am SEATED 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿

Kicking off the season with another 🤝👫team-building exercise👥🧑‍🤝‍🧑 from Master Fung, how classic! A lot of those in the show itself, so the opening slots right into the roster! Feels so real!

The different is that this time it's a team-building exercise that's meant to emphasize the team that's no longer composed of equals, since one of them is apparently their better and their superior now... Shaking up the team dynamic after all that talk about them working together as one by promoting one to manage the others, I can see why it's already going to Raimundo's head and he's trying to pull rank. He was sort of doing that already in season 3 before it was even official, so now that it's official, that 🤴"as your leader"🤴 talk is so so him, LOL... Mixing pulling rank in with one of the kids' usual bouts and adding Kimiko's hair-trigger temper into the mix too! 😡 And Master Fung comes in just in time to break up the fight and use it to segue into today's lesson! I can only imagine how many rewatches you've have of the series because that whole set up in the opening plays out exactly like it does in the episodes itself! That's so cool!

And I didn't expect a cameo from Megan again after all this time! 👧🎀 She's still the cutest! And the age-typical brattiness makes her even cuter! And Jack is cute looking after her! The Spicer cousins are being so cuuuute! 🎀🍥 And Megan even gets a part in the showdown a little like Dojo does sometimes! The powers that be gave Megan a better role than they usually give Dojo though.

I never even imagined that mochi-making could be a showdown challenge! 🔨🐇 Kimiko had some ANGER put behind those blows! Cute having her bring in something from her culture for the playing field today too! That's how you stack the odds! And it finally gave Kimiko a chance to show her expertise and show a situation where she gets to take charge and has the knowledge they need. Even in season 3's own Kimiko episode, they made her sit out the solution solving so Raimundo could have an A-HA! moment and tell her how to fix her mistake for her and that was so frustrating. This feels like it really fixed that!

Raimundo learned his lesson, Kimiko has been vindicated, Jack has been defeated, lunch has been caught and cooked, Megan had her fun time, all's well that end's well-- OH NO OMI?!

🥺😢 Poor Omi, I totally forgot he doesn't even eat meat! And so did the other monks! 😭😭😭😭😭 OMIII! At least Dojo is looking out for him. Best dragon right there, true MVP of the episode 🐉🔥🐉🔥

‘Championship Strikes’ feels like it's supposed to be a reference to something.... But I don't know a lot about video game franchises. (I don't even know what Goo Zombies is supposed to be a parody of in the show even though I'm sure it's probably something) 🎮🕹️👾 Can I ask what Championship Strikes is riffing off of? What kind of game is it? Is it sport stuff?

Those are super cute outfits for Kimiko and Megan in the title card! Their braids and hats and ribbons are super duper cute! Megan looks like a little adventurer and Kimiko is rocking that sporty look! Boys in the back all being kinda huffy or sad, meanwhile right up front are my GIRLIES! 👗👢👒🎀👚👟

If this episode was on a streaming service I could rate it 5/5 stars like it deserves, so here you go: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I’m so honored by this review 😭! I did my best to emulate an actual episode when I wrote this so I’m really glad that I succeeded!!

Honestly it was so much fun to bring Megan back! It felt like a good low-stakes episode to bring her back~ it was also fun to let her judge the showdown! Poor Jack though, he didn’t manage to win even with his cousin deciding the outcome.

The motchi making showdown came from me getting able to participate in a motchi making class allll the way back in February and going ‘this would make a really fun showdown!’ And it just fit so perfectly into this episode~ letting Kimiko show off while at the same time getting a chance to terrify Raimundo and teach him a lesson really was so much fun to write!

And Omi….oh Omi. He isn’t doing too hot after everything that happened in the other universe and in the hypothetical future he saw with Jack and now his needs are being forgotten too…At least he has Dojo looking out for him. Always.

And the ‘ championship strikes’ game is just meant to be a reference to a soccer game like the FIFA games! So you were definitely right that it was a sports game!

Thank you again for the fun review! And I’m glad you liked the first ‘episode’!

[adarkrainbow]

Let's go up the giant beanstalk (2)

I said before that “Jack and the Beanstalk” and “Jack the Giant-Killer” are two different tales that should not be confused with each other – but it does not mean they are not related… Indeed the link between those sibling-stories goes beyond simply sharing a giant-opposing Jack. There is a running tradition in Jack adaptations and pantomimes to name the giant “Blunderbore” – which is actually one of the giants of “Jack the Giant-Killer” – and while this seems to have no root in any of the published texts above… the first printed version of the tale, the “Jack Spriggins” parody, did name the giant using a character from “Jack the Giant-Killer”. Though it was not “Blunderbore” – the Jack Spriggins tale rather names the giant “Gogmagog”.

If things were not confusing enough, the giant of “Jack and the beanstalk” is known for his iconic line, “Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the bones of an Englishman.” (It is the Jacobs’ version of the rhyme, which continues, with other rhymes saying how the giant will grind Jack’s bones to make his bread). Well, this line is ALSO present within “Jack the Giant-Killer”, but rather sung by a giant named Thunderdell. “Fee, fau, fum (or alternatively “Fe, fi, fo, fum”) / I smell the blood of an English man” – again, continued by rhymes evoking a bread made out of human bones. This line, “Fee, fi, fo, fum”, has in itself a fascinating history because, as with many British fairytales, we can find an old manifestation of it… within Shakespeare’s plays. More precisely, in Shakespeare’s famous tragedy “King Lear”, we find the lines “Fie, foh and fum / I smell the blood of a British man”. This line comes from the very end of the fourth scene of Act III, where the character of Edgar pretends to be a madman by the name of Tom, and thus speaks in mysterious references and nonsensical riddles, and when he quotes this line, he does not do it in reference to any Jack tale… But rather by mixing it to the famous British story of “Childe Rowland”. The actual quote by Edgar/Tom is “Childe Roland to the dark tower came. / His word was still ‘Fie, foh and fum, / I smell the blood of a British man’.” It is very likely to be a comical mix-up of various folktales together, since the line is not traditionally linked to the Childe Roland tale – but it is extremely interesting, because it explains the first word of the seemingly nonsensical rhyme. Indeed, the “Fe/Fee” of later Jack tales is here a “Fie”, aka the archaic onomatopoeia of disapproval, and one that Shakespeare loved to use. As such, it is possible that the original first word of the rhyme was a “fie”…

Mind you, there is an even older record of the line: it first appears in 1596, under the pen of Thomas Nashe, in his pamphlet “Haue with you to Saffron-Walden” (it was part of a series of attacks he wrote against the writer Gabriel Harvey). It is where the line first appears, under the shape of “Fy, fa and fum, / I smell the blood of an Englishman”, but within the same pamphlet, the rhyme is described as being very old, so old in fact its origin has been lost to time…

There is a lot to say about “Jack and the Beanstalk”, but for now I will highlight a final element that participates in weaving this tale in the tapestry of British folklore: the goose. In the version we all know and share, Jack steals three things from the giant. Money, a magical harp that plays on its own, and a goose that lays eggs made of gold. The goose with golden eggs actually dates back to one of the oldest collections of fables we have: Aesop’s fables written in Ancient Greece, by the seventh or sixth century BCE. One of those fables is titled “The Goose that Laid the Golden Eggs”. In France, it was re-popularized by Jean de La Fontaine’s own collection of fables, which had a modernized version of the story, “La poule aux oeufs d’or”, “The hen with gold-eggs”. But it is from Aesop’s fable that came the European symbol of the “goose with golden eggs”, and various sayings and proverbs such as “Do not kill the goose that lays the golden egg”, which itself was then recut and reshaped into various other proverbs (such as “killing the goose” for a self-destructive action). If you do not know, the fable always end up the same way, though the reasons behind differ – the owner(s) of the goose that lays golden eggs end up killing it due to their greed and desire to have more gold, thus destroying the very source of money they relied upon.

But where the “golden-egged goose” link becomes interesting is within the domain of nursery rhymes. I made a LONG time ago a series of posts about “Mother Goose” (they were in fact my very first posts on this blog). Long story short, Mother Goose did not exist in England until the second half of the 18th century. Indeed, she became known to the English world thanks to the translations in English of Charles Perrault’s fairy tale collections “Les contes de ma Mère l’Oye”, “The tales of my Mother Goose”, in the early 18th century. But from the mid 18th century onwards, publishers of nursery rhymes and other children-aimed books started using “Mother Goose” as a sort of mascot, recurring figure or title-cliché, in reference to Charles Perrault’s fairytale book. As such, soon Mother Goose started becoming a British “emblem” or “symbol” of nursery rhymes as a whole, seen as “Mother Goose’s rhymes”. England invented an entire character based on this single name – and by the early 19th century, she even got her own nursery rhyme/pantomimes (the two were always closely linked and I do not have enough expertise to go into the details). The “rhyme” of Mother Goose was not notably known under the title… “Mother Goose, or the Golden Egg”/ “Old Mother Goose and the Golden Egg”. Because to the character of Mother Goose, “mascot” of fairy tales and nursery rhymes, was added the fable of the Goose that Laid Golden Eggs… And in the nursery rhyme and the pantomimes, who is the third character that makes the link between the mother and the egg-layer? Mother Goose’s son… Jack. Yes, another Jack linked to a mother figure and who ends up with a goose laying golden-eggs – though no giant appears in this version, as this Jack is rather inspired by the various Jacks of nursery rhymes (or so I heard, again, I am no expert on the topic).

As you can see, from one simple story we enter a maze of references, links and cultural inter-weaving tying together a lot of various domains…

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Miku Wrap-up 2022

Another year comes to an end and it's time to look back and reflect, so here's my top 10 favorite Mikus of the year!

#10:

While this has a few janky bits that keep it from being higher up I can't help but adore her smarmy ass look, the foot up on an unoccupied chair and the little details with the dice and the cards.

#9:

This one, inspired by the Bayeux Tapestry, is just so ridiculous I can't help but love it. It's somewhat a spiritual successor to the Goya inspired Miku and emulating the style/appearance of such old art was a joy, as was filling in the gaps with a few Miku related references.

#8:

Speaking of the ridiculous, this Loss meme parody I titled Gain.png still gets me. Doing the Gumi for the body pillow was also fun and Miku is very cute in this.

#7:

I have no idea why I drew this even then but fuck me is it good. Don't think I've drawn a pony since a few poor attempts over a decade before this. I love how AJ came out and the idea of like, Applejack carrying home a drunk Miku while chiding her for having too much cider is so fucking good to me.

#6:

This one is rather simple honestly, but I just love how clear the silhouette is and the highlights from the back lighting. This was inspired by an AURORA concert my sister invited me to.

#5:

Im still very happy with how this came out, especially in regards to the lighting. I feel like I made a lot of headway here as an artist, even if parts of it could stand to be cleaner.

#4:

Hatslimey Migoo looks so relaxed here, the details I was able to include for the room such as the water under the door are great and the small bit of landscape outside the window is something I'm extremely proud of. Had I just a bit more time with this piece I think it could have placed even higher.

#3

This one's a bit special cuz uh, it's fucking me lmao. Not only is this my high school duds, the location is also based off the liquor store I used to bum around at after school senior year. I still have the pants (they're more shredded now) and the black and white sleeve (actually leg warmers). The only real anachronism is the black nails- my dad wouldn't let me do that cuz he said I'd look like a fag lmao. Looking at this piece brings me just immense amounts of joy and soothes that part of me still in highschool and mad about it.

#2:

Honestly this and the #1 spot are really tough to decide which goes where but I think I'm happy with this. Based off some AI generated text (no doubt written by Miku herself) Not only is this the most successful piece I've done notes-wise it's also my first one where I drew more akin to painting then to coloring cleaned up lines, a process I made a ton of progress with over the year. There's very few things about this I would change (namely a few details in the final panel) but the way this comic is laid out was and is excellent. I feel this piece is the biggest jump in overall quality I had during the year.

Honorable mention:

While i do adore these, especially the top left and bottom one, there are a few issues that keep it from being in the top 10 properly. I also wanted to avoid this list being just every Hatslimey Migoo piece which actually brings me to the final entry and my favorite Miku of the year 2022-

#1:

The original Hatslimey Migoo, before she even had that name. This piece is very interesting because I had pissed away most of time and couldn't do the Miku I had thought about doing up to that point. Unwilling to do proper anatomy either, because again, I had gotten too wrapped up in runescape and was low on time, It popped in my head that I could make her a slime girl. I can't mess up getting bodily structure right if there is no proper bodily structure after all. The result couldn't have been better. She's so cute and adorable and this is easily the best original design I've yet to do for Miku. I doubt I'll top it for some time. The pieces came together naturally- her color had to be green to give her that Miku color, she had a few spots to give some detail, her arms were bulky to be reminiscent of her sleeves the headset was to help push visually that this was, indeed, Hatsune Miku and her eyes were pink to stand out and draw attention to them. Created in haste, Hatslimey Migoo has gone on to fill my heart with joy (and slime) and if I could pick any of my Mikus to be adopted by the wider vocaloid fan base it would have to be Migoo.

Thats my top 10 for 2022, I'll see you next year to wrap up this year- I'm sure I'll make even better Mikus! If you like these and wish to support me, I have a Patreon where I upload the full PSD, PNG and a 60 second time lapse of the Miku being drawn. It's only 2$ a month and it means a lot to me.

[asknarashikari]

Kamen Rider Geats (Fanmade Imaginary Alt. Turn of Events): Ditch Pt. 2

https://asknarashikari.tumblr.com/post/722104305835982848/kamen-rider-geats-fanmade-imaginary-alt-turn-of#notes (Follow up to this story.)

Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch, Pt. 2 (Could not think of a better title)

Azuma: … -_- *grumbling because he’s been stuck lying in the ditch in his prison cell for hours with his handcuffs and beating*

Azuma: I’ll kill Punkjack and Geats for this humiliation… =_= *muttering under his breath*

*Footsteps can be heard*

Azuma: ?!

Azuma: Who is it now! Show yourself! =_=

DGP Staff Recruits: *a couple newly hired recruits would walk up to azuma’s prison cell and sees the bullhead stuck in the ditch inside*

DGP Staff Recruits: XD *They start chattering and found this most amusing indeed*

DGP Staff Recruit #1: So that’s the Buffabutt that we’ve heard so much about from our superiors (Ace, Keiwa, Neon, Tsumuri, Win, and maybe a few more?)…doesn’t he look silly? XD

DGP Staff Recruit #2: Serves him right! He’ll never get out… XD

DGP Staff Recruit #3: XD *restraint snickering*

DGP Staff Recruit #4: That’s what he gets for all the horrible things he did…a zombie asshole is not worth an execution. Good riddance to him… -_-

Azuma: =_= *offended growling*

DGP Staff Recruits: *all glance at one another…but then they start to smirk as they all have an idea*

Azuma: …What’s with those looks, are you mocking me?! =_=

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmmOXxa0g7I DGP Staff Recruits: XD *they began to sing (imagine a parody of this weird song)*

“Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch!

Fell in a Ditch! Fell in a Ditch!

Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch!

All on the Sunday Morning!”

Azuma: What has my life gotten itself into…? =_=

Day 2

Azuma: … *snoring*

DGP Staff Recruit #1: ^_^ *clashes some cymbals*

Azuma: GAH!!! O.O *jolted awake*

Ace: Rise and shine, Buffa… *smirks while eating some cooked steak*

Azuma: Geats, YOU….! =_=

DGP Staff Recruits: XD *start singing “Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch” song again*

Azuma: Oh no…not again…not now… =_= *muttering*

“Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch!

Fell in a Ditch! Fell in a Ditch!

Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch!

All throughout Monday Morning!” (only that the final line is being changed up)

Azuma: =_= *angry buffabutt snorting*

Geats: XD *chuckling*

Azuma: Okay, now you’re just taunting me, Geats… =_=

(This annoying song would continue to be sung to Buffabutt about two to three times daily, and the final line is constantly changed almost every day)

Day 7

Azuma: *is having a good snooze*

Win: ^_^ *loud electric guitar riff*

Azuma: ! O.O *loud buffabutt screaming*

Azuma: No…oh no, not again, when is this ever going to end?! =_= *sees the DGP recruits with Win*

Win: … -_- *shrugging*

Win: Hit it boys! *smirks as starts playing his guitar*

Azuma: Don’t you fucking dare, Punkjack! =_=

DGP Staff Recruits: *They began to sing once again just to clown on Azuma as Win plays his electric guitar*

“Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch!

Fell in a Ditch! Fell in a Ditch!

Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch!

All because he’s shitty and boring!” (Ngl, I actually think Buffabutt is also one of the most boring characters in the show tbh.)

*Oh yeah, there are also surveillance cameras in Ace’s DGP supermax solitary confinement prison recording all this.*

Azuma: =_= *raging buffabuttface screaming and cursing Geats and his newly established DGP staff*

(Okay…this might one of the dumbest shit I’ve ever typed up. Eh, but then again I’ve came up with and seen worse. Anyways, I don’t think anyone would let Buffabutt live this down… XD)

Wow this is practically torture... let’s see how much of this nonsense he can withstand before he really loses his marbles 

[nokingsonlyfooles]

And, Again with the Art!

This illustration is for Tin Soldier #13, Flour Power. It's been through some changes!

Woo! Finally came up to one with lyrics!

I'm doing some civil disobedience here, with a metred amount of disobedience. I'd be willing to pay songwriters a reasonable amount (like, an amount comparable to something a human being would pay for a single/MP3) for the ability to reprint/remix music with credit and a link to the original. I would be willing to work with a reasonable copyright of 2-7 years. That's not an option right now. So, I rewrite lyrics and link you to the original on YT (which has paid for the privilege of skirting copyright and can afford it), with credit. And I try to give views to the artist's official account, if possible.

I also use song titles, because we seem to have decided those are not unique enough to be copyrighted, but I have no idea if that, or the rewritten lyrics, will hold up if someone gets pissed and comes after me. This is, conceivably, a risk, but any jailbreak is.

My lyrics are Creative Commons, BY-NC-SA. I would go full public domain, but Disney likes to pull things out of there and copyright the hell out of their version, so I gotta add something to keep them away. Just in case! So, with that disclaimer out of the way, here's a parody of Master of the House that tells a different story. You can listen to the original and read along in mental stereo! (To substitute, or "sub" means to use a thing as another thing, or alter it with magic enough to do so. "Master of the Kitchen" doesn't scan, and Maggie has asked to learn about substitutions. But, by all means, reblog and make the obvious joke. Any publicity is good publicity!)

Welcome, mon Dieu, sit yourself down

And meet the greatest handler around

As for my friends, they do their best

But I can manage any request

I’ll settle the debt

Aren’t you glad you met

This guy with few supplies

Who’s a nervous wreck?

Master of the Sub, confidence is key

Specialize in baked goods and psychology

Answer with a nod, service with a smile

Invisibles require you to be versatile

Keeping track of gods and favours

And remember to be nice

But nothing costs you nothing

Before you buy, you’d better know the price!

Master of the Sub, herder of the cats

Ready with some poison or a friendly chat

Water down the wine, I can fix the taste

Somebody will want that, it won’t go to waste

Everybody loves a handler

Everybody's trusted mate

If you need it, I’ll do it

Screw it! My own mental health can wait!

Master of the Sub, always finds a way

Available for counseling both night and day

Servant of the gods, slave of the possessed

Confidant, psychologist, and total mess

Everybody’s first defender

Everybody's chaperone

But though I’ll help you through it

Screw it! When it counts I’m on my own!

Food beyond our means. Food beyond belief

Mix it with some bouillon and they’ll think it's beef

Turkey tastes like sheep, chicken tastes like rat

I can fix the texture, they won’t notice that

Deities are always welcome

Residents are pushed aside

Help them make the best deal

Then I mind them while they’re occupied!

Pay 'em for their skills, careful who they kill

Negotiate the prices and pay all the bills

That’s survivable, just a little pain

Don’t call a god to fix it, or you’ll pay again

When it comes to filling orders

There’s so many tricks I know

All these chains of deals, questionable meals

Screw it! That’s the way the money goes!

I thought the park might be more fun than school.

But gods in heaven, will you listen to this fool?

Master of the sub? Couldn’t cast a spell!

Confidant, psychologist and dull as hell!

Very little skill. Story’s pretty tragic

Guess he’s halfway clever, but where’s the magic?

I’m s’posed to write a paper, what do you want me to do?

It’s still not three pages even with the part about the zoo!

Master of the sub!

Master of the yuck.

Confidant, psychologist

I may upchuck.

Servant of the gods, slave of the possessed

Devious, incompetent and clinically depressed!

Everybody needs a handler!

Everybody likes his grub!

Let’s all learn to substitute!

Let’s all admit the point is moot

Let’s all learn to substitute from the Master of the Sub!

And, here's the shaded version. It has slightly different lyrics, but I think the newer ones are better.

No pen-paper-scan version of this, 'cos I didn't make one. Tin Soldier is a thing. I wrote it. Go read it!

[goddamnwebcomics]

I Will Survive Series

It was a series of Zootopia drama fancomics by William Borba. 

I Will Survive: Judy finds out that she’s pregnant with Nick’s child, filling the fox with a lot of joy from the news, but wants an abortion so it doesn’t jeopardize her job. As you can safely assume, Nick doesn’t take it very well.

This is the comic where that infamous slap panel came from. It’s as overly dramatic as it is extremely well known, even to people who’ve never seen Zootopia or read this comic. This is pretty much the highest mark this series will ever reach.

Born to Be Alive: After some months, Nick crawls back to Judy wanting her to take him back. Unfortunately for him, she’s moved on to dating another fox - a vixen to be exact! 

I think the only infamous thing here is that Borba decided to make a sequel to IWS at all. If you like slightly homophobic, desperate Nick and more bad hammy dialogue, then you might enjoy this as or much more than the first story.

The Longest Night: Two of Mr. Big’s prostitutes spend their night trying to do their now freelance jobs while complaining over their former employer going straight after meeting Judy. Nick shows up here, but he doesn’t say anything. 

It’s an in-between chapter of IWS and BtBA, so it’s pretty optional. Same type of “deep” and awkward sounding dialogue that sounds more like two characters talking at each other than with each other. If you want more I Will Survive content before the finale, you can read it.

Never Say Goodbye: It’s a ten year time skip to the future where Judy is both married and the mayor of Zootopia and Nick is a scout master of the Junior Ranger Scouts (also married). They meet up with each other, make amends with one another, and talk about the existing problems of fascism for a bit.

Nothing much to really say here except that this is definitely an ending. Could’ve gone without the epilogue though.

The only exemplary aspect in these comics is the artwork. Everything else, the writing, the drama, the various topics it attempts to tackle, are just terrible. Half of the time it feels like one big joke, with or without this comic being Zootopia related to begin with. I also still have no idea why the titles of each story (minus maybe The Longest Night) are named after songs, outside of title drops near the end of each. They hardly ever feel like there’s a theme to them at all.

The author has confirmed this whole comic is just a gigantic parody of the Zootopia fandom, several times. Even if it was a badly executed parody, it still would be beating a dead horse. Moving on.

[ms-scarletwings]

Woopsie, I Put Too Much Effort Into A Character Song Playlist (Zib)

Just showing off some contextual brain worms. Feel free to toy with it as hyperfix fuel, art/fic ideas, a discussion starter, or just to know what’s been rattling around in my ears lately. Addition suggestions welcome. No particular order to arrangement.

Breakdown/Preview below:

Outer Science, English Ver. [Kuraiinu]

Song artist: Jin (covered by Kuraiinu, English lyrics by Kuraiinu)

Fact of fun: The story told in the original song is part of a whole rabbit hole of a work, the Kagerou Project. Outer Science is specifically about one very bad ending out of a huge branch of connected timelines and possible “routes”.

Sorter’s note: This badass track is a huge favorite of mine both with and without even considering this character list, but holy shit did I find it appropriate for this purpose- from the action, the vibes, and especially for it to center around another villain as utterly maniacal as the star of the list. In my little headspace I love to imagine it mostly addressed from Zib’s perspective toward our main timeline’s Dib.

Sample lyrics:

[Does it matter when you, will soon awaken anew

That I’m reveling in every suffering just like a demon?

“Ahh why! No! Why!” you howl and cry

“I never wanted this” you lie..!

Look into my own eyes, there lies your fate and demise

And I know there another fated eloquent master awaits]

[Ahh, not enough, I can’t evade the desire

To eat up their darkened hearts upon the pyre

Taking ahold of every one of their lives

I’m buried in their eyes

Ahh, it’s also in you, deep down inside

The power bigger than them all, Combining Eyes..?

Yes, within this sad tragedy

You are the “queen”]

[How pitiful to live and die

Time and again you all defy

Though it will end the same, you keep resetting the game

Remiss and pain all aflame

Crying, howling, ever writhing]

Broadcast Illusion

Song artist: GHOST & Pals

Fact of fun: This is effectively a remake of one of GHOST’s earlier works, “Colorbars” and was the last song released as part of their Communications project before the series cancellation.

Sorter’s note: With the instrumental stylizations and dark themes of this piece outright, I hope my associations with the favored freak become self evident.

Sample lyrics:

[We’ll wake up in a singular reality

The death of a nation

A toxic reaction

So scream and shout, make a whole lotta noise

Don’t be afraid, let the night run out

Well, after all, it’s a television show

A telecast promoting vertigo]

[A moment in time to reconcile

Came a little too late, and now it’s gone

A moment in history

Produced by the broken and thrown away

And I’m already here

For you to see, for you to see, to see you

I’ve always been here]

Goodbye Moonmen

Song artist: Ryan Elder (Cover by Shadyvox)

Fact of fun: It’s generally accepted that this song was composed in a way to parody/tribute the musical style of David Bowie

Sorter’s note: I felt this one fitted Zib to the point of comedy. The original context of the song was literally about a universe-wide genocide with xenophobic motivations. To me this might as well have been going through his head in canon had he gotten his way.

Sample Lyrics:

[The worlds can be one together

Cosmos without hatred

Stars like diamonds in your eyes

The ground can be space, space, space, space, space

With feet marchin' towards a peaceful sky

All the moonmen want things their way

But we make sure they see the sun

Goodbye, moonmen

You say goodbye, moonmen

Goodbye, moonmen

Goodbye, moonmen

Oh, goodbye]

Final Transmission (Remix)

Song artist: Remixed by The Living Tombstone

Fact of fun: The original version was by Temporal Walker & Voodoopony

Sorter’s note: Delicious Title. Pretty darn catchy on its own. Trippy AND sad when you think about it for too long.

Sample Lyrics:

[He feels it in his stomach and in his bones

The weight is lifted now, he's never going home

Drifting in silence, now he's all alone

Difference is that now, there's no need to atone

Spaceman, that's what they said he was

Head up in the clouds, he never put up a fuss…]

[Eyelids getting heavy, sleep it off now kid

Everyone now knows exactly what you did

Go on, finish up the fuse that you lit

It doesn't matter now, cause we'll see you in a bit

Tapestry of nightlights above and below

Sanity coiled tight, the Earth he'll out grow

Amnesty a slight, too late to forego

Vanity benight, all to do now is let go]

Control

Song artist: Halsey (pitch edit presumably by Lunarex)

Sample Lyrics:

[I paced around for hours on empty

I jumped at the slightest of sounds

And I couldn't stand the person inside me

I turned all the mirrors around

I'm bigger than my body

I'm colder than this home

I'm meaner than my demons

I'm bigger than these bones

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"

I can't help this awful energy

God damn right, you should be scared of me

Who is in control?

I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head

They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead]

Bacterial Contamination [Bookiezz]

Song artist: Kanimiso-P (covered by Bookiezz)

Fact of fun: The original music video with Hatsune Miku is super famous for good reason, and it’s actually a terrifying piece of art. The song by itself carries a really sad story involving themes of alienation, the vicious cycle of bullying, and possibly suicide, depending on how you interpret its ambiguous ending. There’s also a lot of body horror in the fashion of arthropod imagery, and that’s neat. This pick happens to be my favorite version of it, something about the part with the laughter still gives me actual chills.

Sorter’s note: I’m keeping it a secret for now what segment of the song I’m referring to but I actually started working on storyboarding for a brief animation of Zib to an audio snippet earlier this month.

Sample lyrics (approx. translated):

[Bacterial Contamination

You're not worth believing in my mind

Recently my "common sense" has corroded

I can't even hold my purity

The contamination is spreading

You’ll want to become stronger

Even if I barely survive

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts]

[My contamination has healed

I’ve been starting to feel much better

All because I transmitted it to her

Aha Aha Aha AHAHAHA…

Bacterial Contamination

Everyone's infected wounds keep bleeding

Killing themselves from contamination

They can't even die with grace now

The contamination has spread

None of you are here; you're dead in my mind

I'm eventually alone

It hurts (x13)]

The Distortionist -

Song Artist: GHOST & Pals

Sorter’s note: Oh hey look, a ditty specifically about gaslighty, abusive assholes for the self loathing bug bastard that started his own cult.

Sample Lyrics:

[Surely you can see the problem

I don't wanna lose my own reflection

A deplorable perception of me

Was none other than an image of you

You're making a wreck of broken glass and leaving me a fuckin' mess!

Bending light in a way that shows exactly how the story goes]

[In all this madness, it's madness

Oh-ho, it's sickening, it's sickening

You know it's unfair, it's unfair

How you distorted my reflection

You know it's too late…

You're lost in a world of funhouse mirrors, twisted for eternity

Bending light in a way that shows refraction of hypocrisy

Whimsical, dear, your lies are clear, now, who the hell would've ever guessed?

Play my games and abide my ways, there's no way you can compensate]

CORROSION

Song Artist: R.I.P.

Sorter’s note: I’m just gonna let “I've lived in fear my whole life; I'll give you a taste, you can't change my mind” speak for itself. This is one of the more tragedy flavored ones.

Sample Lyrics:

[Don't you know? I'm truly evil, and

Everybody 'round me's dropping dead!

Overflowing, oddly gleeful, and

You're all blue and cold, yet painted red!

Undergone drastic changes

Oh, it's the only thing that's left for me

All along I've known it's wrong

But I can't fix what I am

It's all I know

Low and behold!

I'm truly evil, and

You're a person standing in my way!

Have I shown I can be lethal

I'll leave them all to rot and to decay

Hold on tight, it will be painful

Oh, it's more than your weak mind can conceive

You're all blind, I'll take what's mine

Oh, I wish I could restrain

It's all I can be]

Wake Up!

Song Artist: Oomph!

Fact of fun: The German version of this song goes really hard too.

Sorter’s note: This one was selected more to reflect the broader nature of the Zimvoid and the hierarchy itself.

Sample Lyrics:

[Got no time for waiting

Got no time to waste

Everywhere machines here

Set a deadly pace

Got no time for questions

You have work to do

Got no time to stand now

If you stop, you lose]

[Your life is seeping through your fingers like sand

And time, it flies like the wind

You run in circles and you're losing your mind

But all you want is to win

Just breathe in

Then breathe out

Wake up! Now you're stuck in this game

And even if you run, the score is the same

Wake up! Now you're stuck in this game

You're just stuck in this game]

Confrontation

Song Artist: Frank Wildhorn, Et al.

Fact of fun: yeah yeah it’s from that Jekyll and Hyde Musical. The one people been making animatics of forever and they had every right to be because it’s still good decades later.

Sorter’s note: A little red meat for some of you who like to toy with the two minds, one body idea/headcanon, or your cute little corruption arc narratives.

Sample Lyrics:

[This is not a dream, my friend

And it will never end!

This one is the nightmare that goes on!

Hyde is here to stay,

No matter what you may pretend,

And He'll flourish, long after you're gone!

Soon you will die, and my memory will hide you!

You cannot choose but to lose control.

You can't control me! I live deep inside you!

Each day you'll feel me devour your soul!]

Amygdala’s Ragdoll -

Song Artist: GHOST & Pals

Fact of fun: For some reason the chorus of this caught on as a little animation trend once. Think they dubbed it the Trypophobia Meme. If I do actually ever do something with it myself, I know I’m not calling it that.

Sample Lyrics:

[Today something changed

I figured it’s true

The frontal lobe placed me behind my own strings

‘Cus I defy the way the game works

I’ll say it again, I’m only getting worse]

[Say we take what had been torn apart

Say we mend any patchwork discord

Turning eyes to the trypo-puppeteer

Waiting for the world to burn

So, One two three, and we’ll tie the tourniquet

Larvae eating away at everything

Word goes ‘round, I’m the trypo-puppeteer

Laugh along, I’m spreading holes

Now I know this has always been my fault

and I can’t inhale anymore]

Honorable Mentions:

• C e n t i p e d e by GHOST & Pals, omitted for personal and practical reasons.

• Honey I’m Home, another GHOST hit, omitted because most of my Zib association with that goes along with my personal “darker harvest” theory/headcannon

[erigold13261]

I had the most silliest idea come to mind earlier today thanks to me deciding to shuffle my OFA playlist while I was doing my chores. I ended up coming up with a list of the top 12 artists in my AU (both including NSR and OFA) and to my utter shock and hilarious reaction, the top 3 artist were all digital/ai beings (1 being NSR and the other 2 being OFA artists)

Top 3 was CAL aka a sentient tablet created by Orion and also an utter menace to society coming in 3rd place, Mimi aka a literal parody of Sayu that's a bit younger than her and controlled by literal middle schoolers under the watchful eye of their manager/guardian being in second place, and finally in first place the Beloved Idol of Vinyl City herself aka Rosie, who holds the title of the most popular artist via her digital form being projected by a mix of technology and magic while her real form controls it behind the scenes. It was hilarious because I was going to make it canon that these bbys were the top 3 artists and my playlist helped me confirmed this idea-

Anyway a very horrible idea for an au came to my mind and it could possibly take place in any timeline/au since it involves these 3 taking over Vinyl City when everyone leasts suspects it, and it's mainly because since Rosie is the youngest daughter of Tatiana and Olive, Mimi is like a little sister to Sayu, and CAL is Orion's creation. Everyone gets a rude awakening when they get suddenly get kicked out of Vinyl City because a new era of the digital age has arrived and Rosie rules from the NSR Tower combined with her castle in her online district of Rosetta, while Mimi has control of the NSR branch and rules in Akusuka and CAL has the OFA branch and rules from his district of Cyberspace. Now the rest of the OFA cast along with the OG cast need to work together to retake Vinyl City and talk some sense into the Digital Tripod (That's what Imma start calling them) since they just kids and they're taking things a bit to far-

The whole thing was Rosie's idea since she isn't usually involved/included in the affairs of NSR since her oldest sister Titanium was being a bit overprotective of her, and she noticed how her mother Tatiana was strict on music genres during her rule and the public's opinion of digital/ai beings having sentience and the negative backlash from it. Rosie did have good intentions to bring change but when she tried to bring it up she ended up getting dismissed and receiving promises from her sister Titanium that "Change will come, but we need to focus on other important matters little sister."

Cue Rosie conspiring with Mimi and CAL to do something and then the next day they launch a full fledged revolution with Rosie's digital mermaid, fairies, and other magical beings army coming in at full force and kicking Titanium out of the NSR Tower before kicking the current artists and the og artists out of Vinyl City. (Nobody got hurt thankfully but it did catch the entirety of the city off guard-) Now that the Digital Tripod have gained full control of Vinyl City with Rosie being at the top and looking down at the music capitol from her throne. Mimi and her crew are just vibing while they share their space with the fans while throwing parties at the Kura Kura stream Hub, and CAL continues to be even more of a menace to society while also finding and leaking NSR and OFA's well kept secrets to the public.

While this is all happening Titanium blames herself for the Digital Tripod putting her and everyone else in their current situation, and believes that she should've done something sooner to prevent it. She does talk with her sister Sonya and then they talk with Tatiana and Olive before they all agree that they need to first take back Vinyl City in order to get to Rosie and talk things out with her. Sayu and her crew also agree to tag along and also bring Sylvie so they can get to Mimi and talk with her crew and the crew's manager/guardian who's also dealing with stress from taking care of her young nieces and nephew after their parents had tragically passed away in an accident and also having to fight for custody for all of them. Orion would need to enlist the help of her father Kliff since she has no idea why CAL decided to go along with Rosie's plan and find a way to get to him without using the option to shut him down. I don't know which of the other artists would also join the 3 groups to confront CAL, Mimi, and Rosie but I think they would want to help in some way.

This is all I have so far, and maybe I might go into it more but this was all just an idea I had come to me. I hope you enjoy :D

That Tatiana magazine cover was right! "Sayu: The future of music?"

Also, I laughed out loud at you calling them the "Digital Tripod" for some reason lol! It was not a nickname I expected but it was a good one nonetheless!

For some reason, I can also see the Digital Tripod as just having gone into everyone's account and just locked everyone's emails and stuff. I know you said everyone was kicked out physically, but these being youngsters all in the digital space/mindset just makes me think of an IT person changing passwords to piss off non-tech literate people lol.

Plus the idea that all of the Digital Tripod are just doing this for shits and giggles is funny as hell. I know Rosie wants things to change, but the others are a lot more selfish from what I read. With Mimi and Crew just partying and having fun while CAL is literally revealing secrets of the company (which I am surprised Rosie or the others aren't trying to stop).

It really does just feel like a bunch of kids that let the power go to their heads in like 3 seconds of getting it lol.

[mrfelixfischoeder]

22. For PiklCal for the Soft OtP Prompts!

22- Write about a member of your ship giving the other a special gift. 

(The PFW is the Professional Federation of Wrestling, a wwe parody I created for MTL universe) This was a great prompt cause I struggle with gifts SO much - and now i think this ends up being canon for GirlKlok heheh

“What is this?”

“Just open it, will ya?”

“I want a hint first!” Cal doesn’t take the box yet, and he’s struggling to keep it in one hand. It’s not her birthday, it’s not valentine’s, it ain’t Christmas – presents from Pickles aren’t out of the ordinary, but this is an actual box, rather than his usual spur of the moment gifts (which Cal is now realising she prefers; less ceremony to it all).

“Alright, so, it’s a little dorky,” Pickles rubs the back of his head, fingers bringing some dreads over his shoulder, “I was watchin’ yer old matches, and well – okay, yer last one…” he could see her face. She doesn’t like talking about the PFW much, or at least definitely doesn’t like talking about the part where she gets forced retirement at her peak. He’s not doing great at this. “And I know that, yew were s’pposed to get the belt or whatever-”

“The Championship Title.”

“Right!” he finally offers her the box again, and this time she takes it, “So, y’know, the way yew were robbed of like, that title, it got me thinkin’.”

As soon as her brain catches up, Cal opens the box, staring down. The PFW Universal Championship Title Belt. Not a stitch out of place, the diamantes shaping the acronym shining. The fade of them from white to purple, every diamante changing ever so slightly, is perfect. She’s seen the Belt once up close, got to hold it (“This will be yours, lady. Just don’t mess up”). She knows replicas and she knows the real deal, no matter how long it’s been.

“How did you… Get this…” Cal finally looks back at him. He’s smiling because she is in such disbelief. It’s all over her face, the way her eyebrows meet, the crumpling of her lips.

“I uh, bought it.” Pickles shrugs, trying to throw the line away. But Calypso homes in on it, laughing to herself at how ridiculous that sounds.

“No, you can’t buy the belts, that’s not how it works sug’.”

“Yeah, I mean PFW.”

Cal doesn’t break eye contact, and he knows why. Trying to figure out if he’s joking. When he doesn’t even blink or smile more or laugh, she finally lets out a breath she’s been holding. “Why?” she asks, then looks down at the belt again. Her Belt.

“It was the only way t’get yew the belt!” Pickles gestures to the box, “The Morgue Master wasn’t happy when I came to get it, but hey, gotta do what the boss says!” he watches her take it, and chuck the box aside. The leather smells so good. It’s heavy – heavier than she remembers. “Now, y’know, any belt they make for the next champion is gonna be the replica.”

“Picklebug,” she holds the belt to her chest, trying not to look him in the eye again, because now that she knows he’s actually done something so grand for her, she thinks she might choke on the emotion. “This is crazy.”

“Well, I’m crazy in love.” it seems obvious to him why he’d do it. It had always been the obvious move the moment he was told he couldn’t just take the belt for her. He closes the space between them, taking her arms so that she doesn’t need to let go of her belt. His words make her whole expression change, and she can’t not look at him now. Holding the belt firm in one hand, she cups his cheek, thumb circling his freckles before she leans in for a kiss – which he only breaks to chuckle and say, “Now you gotta teach me about wrestlin’, ‘cause I’m makin’ my first ‘promotional manager’ debut next week, whatever dat means…”

“Oh my God."

[fancysasquatch]

Click on this read more link for a 1k+ word rant about why I've been bummed about wrestling lately

Alright, I assume most of my followers don't know much about wrestling so I'm going to try and explain this as best I can.

So, my current favorite team of professional wrestlers is this group called the Best Friends, who as the name implies are all best friends with one another. The current lineup of the Best Friends is

Trent? and Chuck Taylor Tag team partners for the past decade, they were the first two to use the Best Friends name, Trent's mom Sue sometimes drives them to matches in her minivan

Orange Cassidy Literally just Paul Rudd in this scene. Wears denim on denim and aviators, so lazy that one of his signature moves is putting his hands in his pockets, currently the All-Atlantic champion (which is the company's third men's title belt, don't ask my why they need three)

Danhausen A parody of horror wrestling gimmicks, he's like if Sting were just a silly little guy

There's also a fifth member, Kris Statlander, but she's out with an injury. Some people tend not to take the Best Friends seriously because they lean towards the goofier side of wrestling, but most of the members are actually good wrestlers so in general they're well liked.

This coming Sunday there's a special event pay-per-view match, so for the past few months All Elite Wrestling (the company the Best Friends wrestle for) has been building up several different feuds to get people excited for the PPV and make them more likely to watch. The Best Friends have been feuding with an evil group of wrestlers who stole a Golden Globe from the actor Paul Walter Hauser. Given the Best Friends' popularity, the fact Orange Cassidy still has a belt, and the fact that their feud keeps being brought up pretty much every week, it seemed like a shoe-in that they'd have one final showdown at the PPV. Personally, I would have scheduled a wager match where the Best Friends would put up Orange's belt and the bad guys would put up the stolen Golden Globe, and whoever won got both, but that's just me.

I have to go on what seems to be an unrelated tangent now, but I promise it'll tie back in. Until recently the AEW tag team champions were this duo called the Acclaimed, two thirty year old wrestlers with "How do you do fellow kids" energy. One of them drops a diss track on the way to the ring, and it's always the weakest bars you've ever heard. I hate them but they're super popular. Their manager is Billy Gunn, also known as Daddy Ass (it's a whole thing I can't get into right now). Billy Gunn used to be part of the three man team with his sons Austin and Colten Gunn, also known as the Ass Boys, but they betrayed him to join a different group of bad guy wrestlers called The Firm.

Recently the Ass Boys have gotten jealous that their dad helped their rivals become the tag team champions, and so the Acclaimed and the Firm have been feuding over that. Last month the Ass Boys managed to beat the Acclaimed to become the new tag team champs, and during the PPV they're going to have a rematch against the Acclaimed and two other tag teams. Those other two teams were decided in a pair of battle royales, where 10 tag teams fight it out and the last man standing wins his team a spot in the title match.

The reason I'm mentioning all of that is because those two different feuds started crossing over when the Best Friends and the Acclaimed started helping each other fight their rivals. Trent? and Chuck entered the first battle royale, and Trent almost won before being the final person eliminated by one of the guys the Best Friends were feuding with.

So going into the second battle royale, it seemed pretty obvious that they were building up to Chuck and Trent? winning and being the fourth team in the title match this Sunday. After all, they're involving the Best Friends with the tag team title drama, and those guys are the tag team at the heart of the Best Friends who came just shy of winning the week before (the final three came down to Trent? in a 2v1, which he would have won without outside interference). And you know what? Good for them. Even though they're pretty well liked they haven't had a title shot since 2020, and they've kind of been overshadowed lately. Orange Cassidy has his title belt, Danhausen topped the company's merch sales last year, and even Kris Statlander was close to winning a title before she got injured. It was high time for Chuck and Trent? to get the spotlight for a change.

That wasn't what ended up happening, though. About an hour before the second battle royale they announced that Chuck and Trent? couldn't compete because they were still too (fake) injured from the week before. Instead the tenth team in the battle royale was going to be Danhausen and Orange Cassidy, who have only fought as a tag team in AEW once, in a non-televised house show two days before the battle royale. They wound up winning the battle royale, in a pretty unsatisfying manner, and beating out 9 actual tag teams for the last spot in the tag team title match.

So not only did they take the one group of wrestlers I care about most and tie them in with a storyline I don't care about at all, they took the one silver lining of the whole thing (Trent? and Chuck being seen as serious tag team contenders for once) and tossed it right out the window at the last minute for no real reason.

Now, I've read some theorizing that Chuck and Trent? might still be in the title match, either by invoking the "Freebird rule" (where groups of three or more can collectively act as a regular tag team by having any two members wrestle at once), or just having Orange Cassidy and Danhausen be forced to back out because Orange is too hurt to wrestle (which they were hinting at) and having Trent? and Chuck fill in for them. Neither of those seem likely to me, though, because they specifically didn't have those two win the fourth spot on purpose, so it doesn't seem like they're just going to give it to them now.

Instead there's another, even crazier theory I've seen which I think might have a decent shot of coming through. One of the most popular AEW wrestlers who currently doesn't have a match scheduled for the PPV is Hook, a promising young talent and the son of one of AEW's announcers. He teamed up with "Jungle Boy" Jack Perry (another promising young talent, also the son of the late Luke Perry from 90210) for a few matches against the Firm earlier this year, and it seemed like JungleHook was going to become a permanent tag team that was going to be the ones to team up with The Acclaimed, but then Jungle Boy's mentor-turned-nemesis Christian Cage came back from an injury and derailed that. But last year Hook spent a lot of time with Danhausen, and if they do say that Orange Cassidy is too injured to fight on Sunday then Hook might come in as his replacement to team up with Danhausen for the HookHausen reunion.

[plush-rabbit]

The Dateable's Making You Flustered

Request: Flustered scenarios with the dateables

A/N: Sorry for the bit of delay!! I really need to work faster with these (1k each)

-

Barbatos:

It’s been such a long time ever since the butler has felt some sort of attraction towards somebody. It surprises even himself and he’s able to see into the future. Yet, when he was given- or rather forced- into a day off, the first place where his mind had wandered had been to you. It was you that he thought of first. He didn’t have a clue on what he wanted to do, but when he was told that he had the day off- no exceptions- his mind had automatically gone to spending time with you. Barbatos wonders what changed that made you so important to him- he wonders when it happened, how it snuck past him and caught him by surprise.

He invited you on his day off, had sent you a quick message asking you’d like to accompany him around Devildom to pick up a few things for himself rather than the usual outing to the market. You had graciously agreed and now he stands beside you, his hand on a book and you peering to see what’s written on it.

“What’s the book about?” You ask, haven given up on trying to figure out what it was that had gotten his attention.

A few demons reach around and pull a book away from the shelf, talking excitedly to one another and he moves to stand closer to you. He smiles at you and holds the book close to him, already deciding to purchase it. “It’s an old tale from Devildom, similar to your Hansel and Gretal but this one is a bit more heavy.” You give out a hum, pleased at his answer and nod your head. “If you’d like, I could lend it to you once I’m done.”

“Oh!” You gasp, grabbing at the same book and holding towards you. “I’ll just take one with me,” you offer and he can’t help but feel a little disappointed that you didn’t want to take his. “This way, we can read at the same time and then discuss. If it’s supposed to be similar to Hansel and Gretal, I’m sure that I’ll enjoy it. Plus-” you look up at him, your smile kittenish the book pulled to your chest- “it can be like our secret book club. I’ve been needing an excuse to go to the castle and visit, so this will be perfect,” you say excitedly, see-sawing between the tips of your shoes and back to your soles.

“You don’t need an excuse to visit the castle.” He hooks his arm with yours, slowly pushing you away from where a growing crowd of demons appear. “You know you’re always welcomed. The Young Lord would never dare to shut the door in your face.” He stops near the corner end of the store, his eyes attracted to a few trinkets where he reaches for.

The book is lowered and you shift your stare to where you both once stood. “And you?” His attention is grabbed immediately and he looks at you with a confused stare. You meet his eyes for a moment before you pull away. “Would you mind if I came over?” You clear your throat and look down, your bottom lip pinched between your teeth. “I wouldn’t want to…” you trail off, clearly unable to find the proper words. “I wouldn't want to distract you or make your work any more difficult than it already is.”

He can feel the back of his neck grow hot. He can’t be mistaken by what your words mean. You want to know what he thinks of you, if you’re welcomed in his eyes. His shoulders lower and he smiles at you, his hand reaching out to take your book from your hands. When you look up at him, he has his gaze kept on the title of the book, following the rise and fall of each letters.

“You’re always welcomed.” He takes in a small breath and fixes his gaze back to you. “You could never be a distraction for me. If you wish to have a secret book club with me, then I am more than honored to be your guest.” He clears his throat and looks away from you, his smile slowly growing but wavering as he lets out a shaky breath. “You make work easier. I enjoy my job, but I must say that when you’re around, the only thing I can think of is finishing in order to spend more time with you. Being around you is… nice.” He returns his stare back to you. “I’ve been around for a very long time, but when you’re around me, well, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so young. I’m not sure what it is about you-” he raises a hand and holds your cheek- “but I find myself happy whenever I’m with you. So please, never think that you are a bother towards me. You’re always free to visit- whether it be for our secret book club-” he returns the book to you, smiling when your fingertips brush against his- “or just because, I’ll always make time for you.”

It might be cruel of him, but he can’t help but smile and let out a quiet chuckle when you press your face against the book. “Barbatos,” you say in a hushed whisper. He only hums in response, glad that his words had such an effect on you. You look up at him with a faux pout and furrow of your brows while he stands there with a wide grin. Your eyes turn away from him and you finally let a smile appear. “Thanks for the reassurance,” you mutter.

“Of course. Nothing that I said was a lie, so it was quite easy to let the words out, you know,” he teases, grabbing the book from you before you have another chance to hide yourself. “Now, is there anything else you’d like to see in the store, or do you wish to go somewhere else?”

“I uh-” still flustered, you rub your cheek where his hand once was- “can we check out the manga section?”

He hooks his arm through yours, his body close enough to where he can smell the sweet scent of your perfume. “Lead the way,” he says, following your footsteps through the store. He isn’t sure when his feelings towards you had changed, he doesn’t even recall the giddiness of when it all started, but he doesn’t mind it. It’s a nice change of pace. You’re something unpredictable and reckless, and something soft and fragile, and he welcomes having you so close to him, to where he could lean over and press his lips against the crown of your head and keep you protected under his touch. Barbatos welcomes the change that you brought and while the change wasn’t originally for him, he enjoys that it is for him now, that you’re the one that gets to be close to him and that gets to have the pleasure of having you wanting to visit him.

Simeon:

Who could have ever thought that he, an angel, would fall in love with a human? The very thing that an angel had created a war for, the very thing that caused him to lose those close to him, and the very thing that had shown just how different he was from someone he had considered a brother, he now commits the same unholy act. He must be a hypocrite. He is a hypocrite. The very thing he turned a blind eye to and here he is, so undoubtedly in love with a human that he fears his wings will be ripped from him, his blood staining his clothes and his halo broken beyond repair. Terror makes his blood run cold and yet, he cannot look away from you. Simeon keeps his gaze upon you with a mixture of hesitation and melancholy and you just smile back at him, the phone in your hand shared between the two of you as you watch a parody of a teen romance on an application.

“It’s amazing how much people have grown to like this er, show?” He asks, still unsure of what to call it. “It’s considered a show, right?”

Your shoulders raise in a shrug and you give him a small, tight lipped smile. “I guess. I think most people refer to it as a series.” The phone is lowered and it returns to your lap. “It isn’t wrong to call it a show, but since they’re short little bursts of episodes, I think people find it easier to call it a series, but it can go any way.” You move away from him, scooting until your thigh is at an angle and your knee is pushed against his. “Anyways, to answer your question, yes people do like it. I think since it’s like a parody but also suspenseful with the cliffhangers, it keeps people entertained.” He nods his head slowly, and he tries to ignore the rush of cold that is now at his empty side. “Did you like it?”

His eyes slightly widen, and his lips pull into a thin smile. “I- Well, considering the fact that it’s written and done by one person- I- It certainly is different than the things I usually consume, but-” He struggles to find a way to finish his thought without offending you in any sort of way and ends with a stiff nod of his head.

It’s a tense moment that doesn’t last long enough to linger on when you suddenly laugh. Your laugh is loud as it effectively gets him to snap his mouth shut. Your hands are waved in front of you and your knee leaves his as you curl onto the couch. “You don’t have to force yourself to like it, Simeon, I only wanted to show it to you, because you asked what I was watching.”

He appreciates you giving him an easy out, and he releases a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding. It’s a slow release and suddenly he can breathe again. “Well thank you for sharing it with me. I appreciate that from you.” Silence lingers and it isn’t like before where it’s tense, it’s lighter now, but it still feeds him an odd sense of air where he’s stuck between a breath, his eyes stuck on you.

Once more, your laughter fills the room and it’s short and sweet, a gift given to him for just the moment. “Of course, Simeon. I like spending time with you, and I especially like sharing my interests so I guess, thank you for allowing me to do that.” Your hand reaches towards his and he sees the slightest pause from you, the way your fingers twitch until you allow yourself to hold his hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

Warmth returns to him, something akin to a summer’s day in the Celestial Realm, and even though all air has left him once again, he is breathless in a way that matters, weightless and joy illuminating him. When he meets your eyes, he cannot look away and he cannot help but return your smile. The clock ticks onwards and he’s left with a heavy heart. He’s read about the perfect moment, thought about writing something so trivial and false, and yet, the perfect moment sits before him with their hand in his.

“I have to be honest with you,” he murmurs and his eyes feel hot, a lump forms in his throat that makes his words sound tighter. “I- I don’t-” How could he ever phrase what he wants to tell you? How could he drop that sort of confession on you? You know the story, would you ever want him to actually confess to you, to repeat the past mistakes and know the horrid outcome? He frowns. His eyes are stuck on the floor, running along the edge of the carpet and he can feel your gaze on him, your eyes that are heavy with concern and ever the angel, Simeon spares you and gives you the easier answer. “I’m thankful to have met you,” your name is a sweet whisper on his lips, a taste of sweet peach that makes his heart full and heavy. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as wonderful as you. I see you and I think that I’ve found something even more pure than an angel.” With every word, his hand turns to slip into yours, his gloves thin enough to feel the small crevices and calluses on your hand. “Even if you are human and you’ve committed sin, I still think that you are the most pure of them all with your kindness and generosity.”

He isn’t sure what he had expected, but he hadn’t expected to have you plant your face against the soft back cushion of the couch, your face held there for moments. Your hand slips away from his and he’s left holding empty air. His hands fret over your body and when you pull away, your face is flushed, your hands covering the lower part of your face as you look at anywhere but him.

“Simeon,” you whine, closing your eyes tightly. “That’s really sweet.” Your voice is high-pitched and your eyes open once more, as your hands finally lower. “I think I might actually die, that was really nice and something that I don’t hear often.” You finally look at him and your smile is ever growing. “Especially from an angel,” you say with a half-hearted chuckle.

His smile is soft and to him, it dulls compared to your brilliance. As if you were a puzzle, he fits into your hand with ease and grace. “Well if you were to die, I would return you in any way that I could.

Solomon:

He’s human, ageless and immortal, but human. He’s lived and loved, lost and grieved, and he’s gone numb and distant to emotions. He didn’t mind it, he welcomed it. He hated losing and hated the people that he lost and the empty space that they left. He promised that he wouldn’t ever want to feel that sense of sadness ever again. Then you came into the picture. He’s been called shady and worse words than that, but you don’t call him that. You hold his hand and you welcome him into your arms. You go on and on about the human in him and how you love that he’s there with you. Solomon isn’t sure when it was that he broke his own promise, but when he looks at you, he’s willing to love again and again.

The kitchen is a mess and powder covers the counters. His hands knead the dough and the smell of garlic and onion sizzled with oil is heaven in the air. You measure the ingredients and whisk at the eggs. It’s domestic and it’s something that leaves a storm of butterflies in his stomach. He could watch you forever, in the kitchen, with an apron tied around your waist, flour in your hands and the tip of your tongue peaking past your lips as you concentrate on rereading the cookbook. It’s domestic and it’s something he had long forgotten that he wanted.

“I have the ingredients memorized, I could simply tell you what to add,” he muses, returning to forming the bread into its shape.

“Knowing you, you’ll add something in there,” you quip, your smile now directed at him, with your tongue still pinched out. “Plus, it’s just reading. I can read,” you say with a defensive tone. “Just start dressing the bread with garlic and then we can get on with breading the chicken.” You jerk your head to where the chicken rests on the cutting board, the flour beside it.

“Okay,” he sings under his breath, returning his attention to the dough before him. The room is filled with a song from the Human Realm, a classic that has him feeling warmth in a kitchen that is not his, but with a person that is. It makes him long for another time, but when he catches you in the corner of his eye, he’s glad where he is. “I like your song choice,” he says, instantly biting the inside of his cheek once the words had left his mouth. It’s been so long since he’s ever tried to have an actual connection with someone, and he’s sure he wasn’t ever this awful at it.

“Yeah?” You step close to him, holding your hand out. “Care for a dance then?” Your smile is crooked and eyes gleaming with excitement as the song is replayed with a touch of your hand.

He’s frozen for a second, stuck in time, and rooted into place, his hand moving through thick amber as he lets his hand rest in your palm. The room is spun, colors mixing with each other and slowly blurring until he stands still, pushing you away and pulling you close, laughing and letting his hand rest against your side, his hand feeling the soft curve against your ribs. Your hands are powdered and his smell like bread, and your laugh is young and youthful. He can’t help but follow, letting his smile break out and hand slipping out of yours, to encase you in a hug where he traps you into a swaying motion.

The song fades and he’s forced to pull away, to step away from you and there’s hesitation is his steps and movements. His hands linger for a second too long, his eyes still stuck on you and his smile much softer than it was before. It’s a few seconds of silence where you take in deep, heavy breaths, and sway lightly to the song that approaches.

Your name is said and it’s sweet like honeysuckle and addicting like a drug. It’s a night where he invited you over, and now you two are busy making dinner in the kitchen and you’ve given him instructions and kept a close eye on what he does. Your perk your head and nod, allowing for him to continue. “Thank you for coming over,” he says with a tight smile on his lips.

“Anytime, Sol,” you respond, coming beside him once more. You bump your arm into his, leaning to look at the garlic mixture in a bowl. “You know I like spending time with you, so anytime you need a cooking partner, you can always call.”

He doesn’t say anything, only nodding and trying to keep the butterflies in his stomach at bay while his heart beats frantically against his chest. You move away from him, returning to where the powder rests in a bowl and he’s left without, and while the distance is short, it’s something that is unwelcomed. He’s left with dough in his hands and you’re away from him, and loneliness settles.

“Can I call you whenever?” He asks, an easy smile on his lips, but there’s a plea in his words. He’s never been the needy type, but he needs you.

“Of course, you can,” you respond and you’re as kind as ever. You turn away and close the bag of flour, pushing it aside to clear the space at the table.

Like a drug that leaves his mouth dry and heart racing, feeling as if he’s about to die, he calls your name. You’re so close to him and yet, you aren’t close enough. He needs you. He needs you beside him. And he takes the first step, standing in front of you with a red kissed face as stares at the cabinets against the wall. You call his name and your hand is tender against his neck, leaving a white stain that snows onto his shirt.

“I just wanted to thank you. I know how busy you can get and I just-” he can feel the telltale sign of tears and he wonders when he’s gotten so emotional- “I like spending time with you. I like your music choices and I like it when you cook with me- even if it’s just you giving me instructions- but I like it.” His tongue touches against his lips and he looks at you, fiddling with the end of his shirt. “I think you’re great and I just need you to know that if you ever need anything, I’ll be more than happy to help. I would do whatever it would take to make you happy because you have a really nice smile and I don’t think you should lose that.” His heart echoes and his smile is gentle and nervous. “Thank you for being with me.”

You stare at him and he wonders if he had overstepped only to gasp when you bury yourself against his chest, patting at his shoulder and pulling away with a hand covering the lower half of your face. “Solomon,” his name leaving your lips sends a jolt of electricity through him, “I’m glad. Thank you,” you whisper. Your hand reaches to pull his away from his shirt and you hold it in yours. “I like being with you too. Us humans have to stick together, right?” You say softly, letting your fingers run over his scarred knuckles.

He nods silently and leans over, his lips pressed against your forehead. “Yeah, us humans have to stick together,” he whispers against you, smiling when he feels your own lips against his knuckles. He’s with you, at this very moment, he stands in a kitchen with music playing, holding you close to him, and for a moment, he can pretend that this won’t ever end, that he won’t ever have to move away from you and risk losing you.

[wicked-berry]

ke

You know what...back in 2018, a year after orphan black had ended we were introduced to a new series called ‘killing eve’ by the same network. I was one of the few people who had watched the series from the very 1st ep without spoilers and without a single clue of how exactly they would move the plot forward. Because of that i was genuinely caught off guard with every twist and turn of a masterfully crafted script, an abundant production and of course those stellar performances of sandra and jodie we got to witness the past 4 years. By the end of 1x05 i was hooked and then came 1x08, which really proved KE to be a ‘never been done before’,one kind of a show to me. Really it was nothing like what i had watched before. It subverted all expectations and set the standard very high right from the beginning. All the while a 2nd season was already approved by then, which means they knew they had successful material on their hands (S1 was impeccable, really faultless for me, praise PWB). As of the 2nd season, and after PWB had left, production changed the lead writer every season and as it was expected that has impacted the series a lot. PWB or not they shouldn't had changed the lead writer EVERY season, given that everyone has a different picture in their head of how this could go. The fast pace has always been an absolute advantage of KE that didn't allow you to take your eyes off the screen because you could lose important scenes and clues. Then they added all those dull characters and subplots that took almost half of the screen time and most importantly kept the main characters apart for most of the time and that took half the edge from the show. Season 3 had some good moments but they definitely wasted much time.

      FINALE and s4

I felt from the start they wouldn’t go with more than 5 seasons and that was ok with me, cause i knew they would have wanted to end the show on a high and not stretch it. After the pandemic and the news of a last s4 i was so sure that the time wouldn’t be enough to take care of all the loose ends and my expectations dropped but i was hopeful that after how s3 ended, with villaneve together, they were all set to wrap everything up. S4 started to unfold and i was taken aback by the inexplicable separation of eve and v, the non existant reunion after THE WHOLE SEASON, the infinite amount of lost time combined with the forced plot of the 12. Following all that, came the worst ending i could have hoped for. When it came to the finale of KE i was always prepared for death and destruction and i would definitely take 2 deaths as a dramatic and well thought “bad” ending. If anyone, 4 years ago, would tell me how badly written, executed and butchered the epilogue would be, i would have laughed just as i laughed when the title ‘THE END’ dropped.I am sorry but that was so insulting to all the viewers who actually cared about the series and paid attention to the details. They kind of turned it into a parody. Aside from

the dramatic and depressing scenes, from a narrative standpoint, the writing choices were insane. Not connected, not a single question answered, full of plot holes and rushed. I am still not able to comprehend the thought process they followed that led to this. Its not even the sad part and the last minutes but the complete abandonment of all reason. At last, nothing made sense, i’m in denial and i don't want to believe they chose deliberately this awful ending (at least without the pressure of the production) that literally noone could justify, let alone acknowledge it as “skillful writing”. A degrading end for an exceptional series truly.

[derekscorner]

It feels forced

After I watched the Dark Road finale my mind drifted back to my old post about Dream Drop Distance and it has left me feeling like the ten years since DDD (2012) has been some cheap pitch to like Xehanort as a character.

And, to be blunt, I don’t. You can show me all the toddler Xehanort’s or classmates you want but nothing fixes my core issues with this person. It feels like Nomura seen people complaining about how Xehanort was defeated in KH3 and then tried his best with KHDR to say “please like this character as much as I do”.

Now I don’t expect you to read that old post before this one. I’ll tag it for the curious but I know the young folk online are lazy so I’ll give you the gist.

DDD made the series up till that point feel invalidated and it cheapened the other incarnations of Xehanort by robbing them or their “self” in favor of old Xehanort’s “It was all me”.

Since that point I’ve cared nothing about Xehanort. There was no hate nor any intrigue or care. He was quite literally a Aizen-parody but nowhere near as believable since his “intelligence” usually came from the script making the heroes seem dumber than they are.

Then KH3 just dropped the ball entirely by trying to make me believe that this man, this old crotchety man, was a misguided hero. This man who smiles gleefully as he does some unspeakable shit to children on numerous occasions.

Even the young Xehanort we see in DDD & KH3 is just as happily malicious as his oldest self. His final act in KH3 was to talk shit to Sora because he knew Sora was doomed. This was not a remorseful person....

As much as I hated what DDD there was at least some consistency in the young and old Xehanort’s openly malevolent actions and behavior. That is, until, KHUX ended and Dark Road began.

Amidst what the main series was doing the mobile games show me this (yet again) starkly different Xehanort. If DDD invalidates the prior titles then Dark Road feels like it’s trying to invalidate DDD & KH3 all in an attempt to rewrite Xehanort’s motivations.

Motivations that have shifted every couple games already. Granted, the mobile game was on hiatus for half a year so I wont claim the game did a bad job of selling this new Xehanort’s motivations.

I mean, the game did, but I wont stoop as low as my younger self and blame personal failing on development failing. They may correlate but I dont work at SE to know to what extent.

The point of contention for me was the intent. This game was trying to sell me a wholly different Xehanort to the archetype from DDD and I couldnt help but stare at these scenes feeling like it was a weak pitch. A flawed argument really.

Nomura wants me to like Xehanort, empathize with him, or believe his motives were heartfelt but flawed and the game simply failed to do so.

This Xehanort feels like some random new kid and while it is tragic what happens to his classmates there’s nothing in the game that sold me on Xehanort’s existence.

If anything, Baldr’s actions felt like something Xehanort from any other game entry would do without remorse. Hell, it feels like something the young Xehanort from KH3 would do without remorse.

I’m not sure how to articulate it any better. I feel like Nomura’s trying to use his best sales pitch to get me to like his OC and I just don’t.

I feel so confused seeing these people online being so positive or sad for Xehanort simply because they saw him as a toddler or in a classroom. I dont want to bash them for liking it but I am utterly baffled by them.

The best I can rationalize it is they like the specific Xehanort shown in Dark Road or they’re so enamored with KH that they ignore flaws. After all, I was like that once and even now I think it’s fine to like a thing that’s flawed...so long as you can acknowledge it is flawed or offer me a good argument to the contrary.

In Summary

Bluntly put, DDD ruined interest in Xehanort for me and Dark Road didn’t sell me on him at all. No amount of exploration will make a redeemable man out of him when he smiles like a jackass as he cuts down a 15yr old girl on screen. (among his other bullshit)

If you can give me a thought out argument to the contrary then I welcome it but until someone convinces me otherwise I see Dark Road as a years worth of wasted time.