#before i burn out completely and i DON'T GET IT

[bruhstories]

Bet II

p.1 here

summary: it's your first day as a cat sitter and things are going more than well. but will they stay that way? pairing: hwang in-ho/the front man x civilian!reader warnings & content: age gap, afab!reader, slightly detailed descriptions of reader’s background for plot purposes, red text for in-ho, purple for reader, pre 33rd squid game, canon divergent, mentions of domestic violence, veeeery slow burn, reader is an orphan w/c: 2.2k

a/n: hiii, this is pretty much reader's pov, but don't worry, we'll see things through in-ho's eyes in chapter 3! if you would like to be tagged for the next part, please check this post.

You woke up at five in the morning on the first day of your temporary job. It took you about fifteen minutes to walk to the bus stop, and another fifteen to get to Gangnam-gu by bus, but you needed to prepare breakfast for your uncle first. The last thing you wanted was to anger him. You washed a cup of rice and tossed it in the rice cooker before slicing some pickled radish and a fresh cucumber and carrot. While waiting for the rice to cook, you fried some tofu that you had marinated in gochujang the night before.

Around six you woke your uncle up with the bowl of bibimbap and a cup of freshly brewed coffee, but didn't stay long enough to hear him tell you off about how bad his coffee tasted, or how cold the rice was, all completely false statements. It was just the way your life was since your father passed away and your mother left the country. But you couldn't afford your own place, and you probably wouldn't any time soon, so you took odd jobs to stay away from him and pay his stupid debts.

You made it just in time for Eunjoo's breakfast, stepping through the door at 6:50. There was no cat in sight yet, but the moment you opened the food can, Eunjoo peeked from around the sofa, silently sneaking behind you, apprehensive about rubbing against your leg. She waited next to the water bowl as you scooped the food out and mashed it with the spoon, then bent down to place her plate on the silicone mat on the floor. 

It was only after you got back up that you noticed the mess in Mr. Hwang's penthouse. There were so many dishes in the sink, empty bottles of beer scattered on the dining table, an ashtray full of cigarette butts, takeaway boxes stacked on the countertop, a half-full coffee cup, tissues on the floor. You definitely remembered that his house was clean when you first visited him. Too clean, even, like he suffered from mysophobia. You had a lot to do in that house. And then there was Eunjoo, who, for some reason, refused to eat her breakfast despite sitting patiently next to her ceramic plate, tail curled around her paws.

Panic seeped into your veins as you urged the cat to eat, crouching next to her in hopes that she only needed a little encouragement, but Eunjoo stood her ground. You didn't know what to do, the mess was overwhelming and you frantically paced around the kitchen like a headless hen, not knowing what to do first — wash the dishes, take out the trash, force feed the cat. As though Mr. Hwang could see you, your phone vibrated with a text from him.

Good morning. Sorry about the mess, I had a little gathering last night before my trip. Is everything alright? In-ho 

A little gathering? He had a full-blown party! Maybe it was his birthday, or he had a bachelor party. But the mess wasn't important, Eunjoo was. You quickly saved his number in your contacts list and typed a reply.

Morning! Don't worry about the mess, I'll deal with it later. Eunjoo's not eating, though. Should I take her to the vet? She seems healthy, but I’m worrying.

You waited for his text while sitting on the floor, one hand extended for the cat to sniff it. She did, then went back to her plate, simply looking at you, staring directly into your soul with bright green eyes.

Ding!

Oh, I forgot to mention that she only eats breakfast and dinner when I do. You're going to have to eat something. There's plenty of food in the fridge. 

Well, that changed things. You typically had one meal a day since most of the food back home was eaten by your uncle, and you didn't want to pry into Mr. Hwang's fridge and pantry. Rummaging through your backpack, you found a half-eaten bag of shrimp crackers and shrugged. It was good enough for you if it meant she ate.

"My food." You told Eunjoo while holding the bag, giving it a small shake. "Your food." You pointed at her plate.

As if she could understand your words, Eunjoo turned to her breakfast while you munched on the crackers, nibbling on them slowly to save some for later. God only knew when you could have some more food. When her plate was empty, you twisted the bag of remaining snacks and put it back into your backpack before getting up from the tiled floor. 

"Okay." You told yourself. "First thing's first — scoop the poop."

There were two litter boxes in the penthouse, one in the guest bathroom and one in the en-suite. You checked both without paying much attention to your surroundings, and threw away all the clumps of pee and litter, then turned the TV on to play some music. You started off strong with some upbeat songs, a little rock, a bit of pop. Your father raised you on international music. Queen, in particular, was his favourite band, and so your playlist was full of their songs.

Don't Stop Me Now was perfect for doing the dishes. First, you put away all the dry plates and cutlery before emptying the sink. You didn't even bother trying to turn on the dishwasher, your hands worked better and faster, and with the speed of light, like Freddie Mercury sang, you finished washing all the dishes. Each time you rinsed a plate, you turned the tap off, careful not to waste any water. If there was one good thing about not being rich, it was that you learned to truly care about the environment, and tried your best to fight climate change. But you weren’t perfect. No one was. There were skeletons in your closet.

As the song came to an end, you tackled the takeaway boxes. You found the bin and threw away any leftover bits of food that were inedible, saving the cardboard boxes for recycling, along with the beer bottles. The penthouse was looking better by the minute, and after wiping the table and countertop, vacuuming and mopping the floor, you took your phone out and snapped a picture for Mr. Hwang. 

Kitchen and dining room done!

You pressed send and checked the time — 9:00. Shit, your other job was starting soon. Hastily, you turned the TV off, rinsed Eunjoo's water bowl and filled it with fresh water before checking the automatic feeder. It was still half-full, so you put your shoes on and left with the recyclables and trash bag.

"I'll be back tonight, kitty!"

The bin room was easy to find, and satisfied with the work you did, you went back to Guryong Village, where you taught Ali Abdul and his wife Korean. They couldn't afford to pay you, but when they could, they fed you, and that was all that mattered. It was the only meal you didn't need to share with your uncle, and it was more than enough to keep you going through the day. 

At 12:00 you took two buses to Lotte World, where you worked part-time as a mascot, from one to seven, boiling in the purple bear suit. You didn't mind it when you saw how happy the children were, though. Their smiles and happiness mattered more than how uncomfortable you felt, and on the bright side, it kept you very warm in winter. You had to look for positives, didn't you? Life wouldn't be enjoyable if all you did was focus on the negativity and unfairness of it. And life had been nothing but cruel to you. Yet, you persevered. 

You left the theme park at 7:15 and took the bus back to Gangnam-gu, drenched in sweat. The cold November air made you shiver under the coat as you stepped down the street, making your way to Mr. Hwang's penthouse for the second time that day. Kicking your shoes off, you kept the coat, because the apartment was chilly, and you tried to find the thermostat before feeding Eunjoo. 

Good evening! I hope your trip is going well! It's getting quite cold and I was wondering if I could turn the heating on, more for Eunjoo than for me. 

When there was no reply, you shrugged and opened a can of food, placing the plate on the mat, like you did in the morning, then took out a food container from your bag with leftover chicken karahi from Mrs. Abdul. She was kind enough to give you more, and you took out a plate from Mr. Hwang's kitchen to heat it in the microwave.

Eunjoo ate when you did, as she did in the morning, and you found it interesting that she didn't immediately dig in like your cousin's cat used to do. She had good manners, you thought with a smile. The food warmed you up a bit, and you washed the plate and chopsticks after you were done, but the warmth was soon replaced by a chill running down your spine. You had to start layering up for winter.

Ding!

Good evening, miss. My apologies for not replying quicker, work is hectic. Please turn the heating on and stay the night to make sure Eunjoo is warm.

Oh, that was straightforward. You chuckled at the text, but you couldn't stay the night. Instead, you walked back to the thermostat and searched the brand online to set a timer. You tested it first to make sure it worked, and when it did, you set the heating on every 3 hours. It should be enough for Eunjoo to stay warm. 

I appreciate it, sir, but I can't stay over. My uncle would be upset. I put the timer on and it works, I checked. I'll send you a picture after I scoop the poop and tidy up.

You sent the text and inspected the litter boxes. Eunjoo had the stinkiest poops you had ever sniffed, and as you scooped it out of the box, you couldn't help but talk to her. She was watching you from the corner of the guest bathroom, pupils blown at every movement you made, studying you.

"Girl, this is foul." You laughed, tying up the small bin bag. "Is it even normal for your shit to reek like this?" 

Eunjoo lost interest in you when you were done with her box and ran under the bed in Mr. Hwang's bedroom, while you walked back into the kitchen, dropping the bin bag next to your shoes. You filled a tall glass with water and searched for all the plants in the house, stopping at a small cactus in the living room.

When was the last time you watered the cactus?

Ding!

You got the reply quicker than you expected. It usually took In-ho a few minutes to get back to you, but you read it and laughed.

I don't remember. 

Typical for men to forget, you thought as you watered the plant. 

Ding!

Another text? You took your phone out and read it.

Why would your uncle be upset?

The question soured your mood, and you took a few steps back to sit on the edge of the sofa. It wasn't a subject you liked to talk about. In fact, it was a subject you refused to talk about, but Mr. Hwang had been nothing but kind to you, and you felt like you owed him an explanation. No, you felt compelled to give him an explanation, as though you couldn’t just tell him to mind his business.

He took me in after my dad died. He can be quite strict. It's not that I have to go back home, but if he doesn't have breakfast and a coffee when he wakes up, he'll tell me off.

Okay, so you didn't exactly explain your situation. Mr. Hwang didn't need to know all the details, all the beatings and all the insults, all the money he took from you to pay his debts. But hey, at least you had a roof over your head, right?

You washed Eunjoo's plate and water bowl and left them to dry while sorting out In-ho's laundry — whites with whites, blacks with blacks. There weren’t many colourful clothes, which you thought was normal for a man his age.  You were going to wash them in the morning, but you worked smart and hard, and so you wanted them to be ready for the next day. Loading the machine with the whites, you made sure Eunjoo didn't sneak in it and closed the door, then took a shower in the guest bathroom. 

Just as you promised, you brought your own soap and towel, and let the hot water wash away the dirt and dust accumulated throughout the day. It felt good not having to boil water to wash yourself, and you made a mental note to thank Mr. Hwang somehow when he returned from his trip. Perhaps you could cook him a meal and buy a new toy for Eunjoo, although she didn’t seem very playful, at least not when you were around. Stepping out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around your body, you took a moment to enjoy being able to walk around half-naked with no one to disturb you. 

Thank you for letting me take a shower. Eunjoo is sleeping, the plants have been watered, and I’m ready to go home. Good night, Mr. Hwang!

tagging: @ri1liane @anmert1 @syraxnyra @frshluvcats @lanyia @mettreads @nightdark-dreamdark @bridge-always @nomugglesallowed @awekbachira @hobiesbrowngf @lovekm @audrey223 @ririgy @starkeyszn @thoughtfulbelieverstrawberry @maria-trisha @akiqvq @10hrs26mn @tenzko @okaycharr @politicstanner @moonxknightx @googie-jeon @swthrtbyeol @mariiestfu @ratsnestinmyhair

i hope i didn't miss anyone or tagged the wrong people lmaooo

[burningembers91]

Freak of Nature - The Salesman x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: The Salesman can't get enough of you, he's drawn to you like a bee to honey. It's just a shame you don't know he's watching you.

A/N: I'm not 100% sure where I want this to go yet, and i've never written for a character like The Salesman before but Gong Yoo's unhinged performance has me hooked!

Warnings: 18+ only!, stalking, The Salesman needs his own warning

He’d always known he was fucked up; had always known he wasn’t “normal”. From a young age, his parents had thrown every penny available at psychologist after psychologist, desperate to find a cure for their little freak of nature. Nothing had worked though; nothing had been able to quell that constant desire deep within his soul.

He’d spent years being forced to subdue whatever demons he housed, fooling his parents into thinking the therapy was working. Nothing could save him though; nothing could rid him of the evil that had taken root. He enjoyed playing with people, relished in seeing how far he could take a person before they completely snapped. Human life was so fragile and fickle; why shouldn’t he be allowed to play with it? People so often wasted their lives; took what little time they had for granted. If anything, he was helping people. He was giving them a chance at a second opportunity for life. The games he played with people, the innocent, childhood games were all completely legal. He never made anyone do anything they didn’t want to, that was beauty of his job. Everyone always had a choice, he just made it hard for them to say no. People were greedy, hungry for fame and fortune. He gave those who sought riches beyond their wildest dreams a chance to make that dream a reality; it wasn’t his fault if they didn’t win the game.

This life he led was a lonely one though. Relationships had never been his forte. He’d always been too much for women, too intense. He had needs, desires that few could meet and those who could only stayed a short time. He wasn’t sure if he was capable of love. He knew he’d never loved his parents, had never loved any of the women he’d fucked. They were merely an object which he used to meet his own needs, all of them too vain and fickle for him. He enjoyed a challenge, wanted someone who could keep him on his toes. But how would he find someone like that when even he didn’t know how far he was wiling to go? How high did his freak flag fly? No one had ever stayed long enough for him to find out. He usually paid for the company of a woman, handing them wads of cash so he could feel a brief moment of ecstasy. He’d never felt anything for these women though; had never felt the burning desire that he felt when he was around you.

He'd watched you every day for three months now, sipping your latte in the same coffee bar, your laptop open as you marked your students work. You always sat in the same spot, right by the window with the view of the park opposite. He’d taken to sitting on a bench in that park, right opposite where you sat. He’d watched as your brow furrowed while you marked essays, he’d smile at the way your perfect pink tongue delicately flicked the frothy coffee foam from your top lip. You were perfect to him, so innocent and excruciatingly delicate. He’d followed you home a few times, keeping enough of a distance that you didn’t notice him in the crowds, but close enough that the floral scent of your perfume wrapped tightly around his senses like a hangman’s noose.

He knew you lived in a small studio apartment, number 235. Your bedroom looked out over a small restaurant, and he’d sit there some nights, watching the shadows of your form through your curtains. He’d never been this enamoured with a person before, never craved a person as much as he did you. He’d listened to you order your coffee a dozen times, your voice more beautiful than any songbird. He wanted to speak to you, but he didn’t want to shatter the perfect vision he’d created for himself. In his head, he broke you over and over again, but you enjoyed it. In his head, you were his, bending to his every will and demand. In his head, you were his perfect girl. But fantasy was always better than reality, and reality never lasted long. He wasn’t quite ready to show himself to you, choosing to lurk in the shadows as you remained blissfully unaware of him.

It was getting harder and harder to stay away from you though. Every day your very presence only fuelled his desires. One day soon he’d have to show himself to you. He just hoped you lived up to his expectations.

[shirajellyfish]

Character flaws

Just gonna go on a tangent about this for a second, because like

Part 1: Why they don't work and never have

The number one piece of advice people get about writing is to give their characters flaws. Your characters can't be too perfect. Flaws will make them interesting, dynamic, compelling, more real! Flawed characters make for a perfect story! But then someone will ask how to give their characters flaws, and the response is almost invariably something along the lines of

"Just don't make them perfect. Give them a scar or a disability or something."

This is some of the worst writing advice I've ever heard, right up there with "NEVER use adjectives ever" and "Nahh, you don't need to make backups of your work, it'll totally be fine and nothing bad will happen." It's also the single most common piece of writing advice I've come across. This is bad advice.

Because like… Scars aren't a personality flaw. Disabilities especially are not a personality flaw. Both these things have their uses in writing characters, but they aren't flaws. Honestly it's a little shocking that people think it's okay to outright say they think a disability is a character flaw to begin with, because like. Excuse me?

The next problem with this is that, even if these were somehow character flaws, most people don't want to make literally all their characters scarred and disabled. That's like saying that good characters are required to have blonde hair and bushy eyebrows. A character or two with those traits isn't an issue, but telling someone all their characters need one or both of these two traits? That's incredibly limiting.

Lastly, it encourages people to think up a character and then tack on the 'flaws' after. It's why we ended up with an era of perfectly smart perfectly beautiful perfectly skilled characters that had a disproportionate amount of angst about some tiny barely noticeable scar on their back. It's how we get characters that are 'clumsy' (in no way that actually matters to the story), or who have the sole flaw of being too perfect.

People made characters they liked, and they liked them exactly that way. Then afterwards, they had to tack on some 'flaw' they didn't actually want to be part of the character. So they of course make that 'flaw' as small and unimportant as possible. To go back to the "all characters must be blonde with bushy eyebrows" comparison, it's the writer trying to work around this unwanted restriction by giving everyone rainbow hair dye and eyebrow trimmers.

So, how do we fix that?

Part 2: How to fix that

… Or one way, anyway. There are infinite ways to solve this problem, most of which start by completely throwing out the standard scar/disability advice. Everyone has their own way to write characters. But just saying "idk, everyone is different, there are lots of ways" is ridiculously unhelpful. So, here's one way to do it that I really like to use personally. You can use it too, if you want.

instead of a flaw, I like to give my characters an Unshakeable Trait.

What is an unshakeable trait? It's the term I like to use for something that will always be true about a character. Something core to them, something that will never leave them for as long as they live. It is, most importantly, not a flaw.

Let's come up with a quick character as an example. Meet Alaric, who always keeps his word. Anything Alaric says he will do, he will do it.

This is Alaric's greatest strength.

Alaric says he will save all the orphans from the burning orphanage. People doubt him, but he does it. He said he was going to do it, so there was nothing that could stop him from doing it.

Alaric says he will catch the thieves hiding in the mountains. Many have tried and failed to do this, but Alaric says he can do it. And thus, Alaric does it.

Alaric says he will move a mountain? He wouldn't say it unless he could and would make it true. We've seen him do amazing things before. We don't know how yet, but we know that mountain is about to move.

One day, Alaric says he will slay the dragon. We know, for certain, that nothing will stop him from slaying that dragon.

… Not even if it turns out the dragon wasn't really bothering anyone.

… Not even if something goes wrong and Alaric ends up without the important tools he'd prepared for this task.

… Not even if the battle is likely to kill his entire party. Not even if killing the dragon will only make way for more dangerous monsters to move in. Not even if his friends beg and plead with him, Alaric you must stop, this is a death sentence to us all!

Alaric said he would do this, and he will.

Because this isn't just Alaric's greatest strength. It's also his greatest weakness.

The hearts of the readers are heavy as they realize what is about to unfold, but they are not surprised. By now they know Alaric and they know who he is. They know the dragon will die, no matter the consequences.

In the battle, the entire town and all the people who once lived in it is burned to the ground. Every last one of Alaric's friends die in battle. When the dragon falls, only Alaric is left alive.

… And that makes for a really interesting story! Gosh darn! That's way more fun than a story where some cool guy just always solves everyone's problems all the time! And now that we've seen the terrible consequences of Alaric's actions, we can take it even further! How exactly does Alaric react to what he's done?

Is he unable to cope with his terrible mistake, and twists himself into something awful trying to justify his actions?

Does he plead with the ashes, begging the charred town for forgiveness he cannot have?

Does he vow to take back what he's done? Drive himself to madness in pursuit of an unobtainable goal, every action an even greater mistake than the last?

Does he grow, and change his ways? Because he absolutely can do that. An unshakeable trait is always there deep down inside a character, but it is possible for them to learn to overcome it. It will be a battle they'll fight every day for the rest of their lives, and it is a battle they will not always win, but it is possible. Filled with regret, there may be a day where Alaric says he will do something… and then consciously makes an incredible effort to avoid doing it, because he realized it would be a mistake. Today, he was able to overcome his weakness. That trait isn't going anywhere though, and tomorrow is still unsure.

That is my favorite way to write a flawed character.

The most fun part is, this unshakeable trait can be anything. It can be that they always finish things very quickly. It can be that they love their friends more than anything else in the universe. It can be that they're always multitasking. It can be their child-like wonder, or their scientific mind, or even something as silly as their love of sweet potatoes. When made central to their character and taken to extremes, absolutely anything can function as this dual greatest strength and greatest weakness.

That being said, this is again just one way to do it. To say this is the only way to write a flawed character brings us back to "but they must all be blonde and have bushy eyebrows." And sometimes? Sometimes you don't even want to write a flawed character. Sometimes you want an invincible Superman, and if that's what you want then go for it!

This is one place you could start if you're feeling lost or unsure, but at the end of the day it's just a tool in your pocket. It's up to you to choose your favorite tools for the job.

Writing should be fun! Write what you love. Write what interests you, most of all.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

i know ive made jokes about it before but being serious for a second. daniel's willingness to accept arthur's objectively batshit confession also just. gets me right in the fucking heart, man. because, like.

yeah. of course he does.

seven is a Big Number, but daniel's never met any of those other people. they don't actually mean anything to him, they obviously weigh on arthur but they're stories he doesn't know and doesn't really care to. they're just, accounting. they're a bunch of guttering candles in the face of the fucking solar flare that is The Reason daniel has to hate arthur. what the fuck does he care about a bunch of people he's never met, that died some reactionary death in self-defense or however arthur wants to justify it? when from daniel's pov arthur's already stolen two of the most important people in his world away from him. everything left of his family, his blood, for no defensible reason. out of nothing but self-absorbed youthful stupidity.

and he's already decided that isn't enough to drive them apart permanently.

so sure, fuck it, seven people. you probably had your reasons. i've already decided to move past worse. add them to the fucking list, or whatever.

because, y'know. he can't lose another person.

[mandalhoerian]

I love your analysis on Rafayel, I thought there was something wrong with me not understanding his card! If it's not too much to ask, can you break down his final dialogue? I don't get his point. why is he suddenly bringing up love when this has been about art? Isn't he saying that the love he feels is also bringing him pain, isn't this a bad thing😅 Is it just me 😅 I feel crazy... You can ignore this if you want no hard feelings

the said analysis on intertidal zone for people who haven't seen it!

first of all, please don't be hard on yourself for not understanding, you're okay! this was me too. i got you!

"i once stubbornly believed only pain could bring me inspiration. I traveled far and wide in search of it. Pain that inspires me, I mean. Like a sea that's about to dry up. The art of creation is part of my life. You made me realize love and art are so alike. Even if they don't complete me but burn me instead, I still want them with every fiber of my being."

but before i can explain this fully, I want to go take a few steps back and go into what he previously revealed. I swear it makes sense to start from the beginning, trust me. spoiler alert, I've discovered something you guys. (@pasdenomadonner you can put this on reddit too if you'd like!!)

"actually i was here last time for an exhibit and i found myself in the same situation."

this could refer to either his fever, or his lack of inspiration, or both. the next line confirms that he was going through creative block, though -> "as far as i know, this is the longest time my mind's been like a blank sheet of paper."

and mc says, "you mean you can't draw?"

I totally missed this before & thought it was a tangent that came out of nowhere. But what Rafayel did is that, without words, showing her that he was in fact able to fix his inspiration issue the last time. This isn't a random reveal that the ocean and desert painting belonged to him all this time. It says that his trip to here fixed his creative block and the piece he made from the inspiration he got from Aridum made it to the memorial hall. He's saying, "No no, I could draw."

He's come here again for guaranteed inspiration hit. He's basically saying his trip here didn't work this time around and this isn't doing anything for him, despite the tragedy all around him.

Do you know what this means? STAY WITH ME NOW, STAY WITH ME.

because this ties DIRECTLY to him saying "i stubbornly believed only pain could give me inspiration" -- so, if only pain gives him inspiration, why can't he draw now? why is his mind blank? Is he not getting his inspiration from pain anymore? What will he do now, then? THAT'S what he's struggling with.

NOW we can dive into the rest of the final dialogue.

1. “The art of creation is part of my life.”

This line sets the stage. Rafayel isn’t just saying art is important to him, it’s essential. Not a hobby. Art isn’t just a thing he does, it’s who he is.

What he’s really saying here is: “Art is a core part of my identity. Without it, I’m not me.”

2. “You made me realize love and art are so alike.”

Here’s the pivot. It's so confusing at first glance because you expect him to elaborate in "What way?" But I believe Rafayel is setting the stage to make a direct comparison between art--this thing he just declared essential to his life--and love not just by commenting on their similarities but by implying that love (MC) is just as essential as art.

Think about what this means for someone like Rafayel:

Art has always been his way of processing the world, expressing himself, and finding meaning. It’s his lifeline.

By comparing love to art, he’s saying that MC has brought something into his life that feels equally vital, equally irreplaceable.

He’s realizing that MC, like art, isn’t just something that happens to him--it’s something he needs.

3. “Even if they don’t complete me but burn me instead...”

This is where it gets personal and raw. Rafayel doesn’t see art or love as things that “fix” him or make him whole. Instead, he sees them as forces that challenge him, consume him, and demand something from him.

“Burn me instead”: The idea of burning here isn’t necessarily negative, perhaps. It’s could be about intensity and being consuming. Both art and love push Rafayel to his limits, force him to confront himself, and sometimes hurt him in the process. But he’s okay with that. The burn isn’t a deterrent--it’s a part of what makes these things so meaningful to him.

In essence, he’s saying: Even if art and love aren’t easy, even if they don’t make me feel whole or safe, I still want them. I still need them.

4. “I still want them with every fiber of my being.”

This line drives the point home, circling back to how he said they were "alike". Rafayel isn’t just tolerating the burn--he’s choosing it. He wants art and love, not because they’re perfect or painless, but because they’re what give his life meaning. Remember his "Addictive Pain" anectode? I don't think he dislikes this kind of "pain" but MC isn't in a place to understand what he means yet is my takeaway.

YEAH?. YEAH. I'M DOING LAPS IN MY ROOM HE'S SO. HE'S SOOOOOO. AND I'M SO SLOW, I DIDN'T GET ALL OF UNTIL LATER, LIKE HOW THE LAST TIME HE WAS ABLE TO BE INSPIRED BY ARIDUM DURING CREATIVE BLOCK BUT NOT ANYMORE. "Why is he bringing up love all of a sudden. Weren't we just talking about art?" was such a raw connection he was trying to pull and it flew right over my head.

And understanding the burning thing quite literally I imagine, LIKE I WAS DOING, MC is like

he's such a tortured artist

anyway. I hope I was able to help, anon. It's thanks to you I went in and discovered these new things. Why is it always Rafayel. I feel like local tumblrina discovering media literacy for the first time, I swear I'm good at consuming media it's him making things difficult (even though me personally I've made my peace with having a peanut for a brain that runs on brainrot)

[joyoushyuck]

best thing ever (part I)

pairing: haechan x reader

genre: romance, fluff

word count: 2.2k

summary: You didn't notice the kakaotalk id scribbled in chicken-scratch writing under the cup until you almost discarded it. What you did notice was the boy who looked ethereal even under shitty disco lights, and the way his admiring eyes followed every action of yours that night...

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

You are slowly coming to the realisation that if you don't start working out soon, you'll not live to experience a midlife crisis. Apparently, you can't run fast enough to reach your lecture hall on time. But that doesn't stop you from trying.

Maybe that's why, twenty seconds later when you need to be inside your classroom, you are actually outside. More specifically, you are on your ass with your books all over the floor and a scrape on your right arm. The plate on the door which reads 'pharmacology' with your professor's name under it taunts you.

You look at the door longingly for a good ten seconds and contemplate. Are you willing to risk getting screamed at by your professor? And he probably won't even allow you in at the end. No, not worth it. That's just 1.75 percent of your attendance lost. You inhale sharply, close your eyes and prepare to let the devil take over.

"Do you use your eyes or they just there for decoration?" You yell at the person responsible for your current plight. "You walking disaster- no, no, you are a catastro-"

The word die on your tongue mid sentence the moment you see the guy. The guy who is also on his ass, bag fallen off his shoulder and glasses crookedly sitting on his nose. His hair falls all over his eyes, and oh- those eyes! Brown, wide with surprise, and then narrowing to convey annoyance. He's hot. Jesus Christ! He's hot.

"You don't seem like a ballet dancer either." Comes the cutting reply. You just blink. He has an attractive voice.

"I'm not. I'm studying to become a pharmacist."

It's his turn to blink, though it's more likely from confusion caused by your unexpected answer than because he just fell for your beauty. You'd rate yourself 5/10 on a great day, and he's a 10 even when he's a mess on the floor.

"Uhh sorry," comes a new voice. "We're sorry, but we got to go. Haechan, get up, we're running late. Uh, your books- yeah, there you go. Sorry again."

Another one with doe eyes. He picks up your books for you, gives them, and pull the other guy- Haechan- to wherever they were going.

That's how you fell twice within the span on 30 seconds, once on the floor and once in love with campus heartthrob Haechan.

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

It's Haechan Lee. His instagram has 12k followers. He is an engineering major who, with his best friend Mark Lee (the doe-eyed one), sometimes sings. Unfortunately, they aren't a gay couple. Fortunately, he is also not in a relationship with anyone else. You can nurture your crush on him and fantasize about the veins in his hands remorse free.

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Haechan eyes you with distaste. Mark gives you an awkward smile. Jaemin is too engrossed in feeling up his girlfriend to notice you. His girlfriend, who just so happens to be your friend Iseul, is one butt squeeze away from abandoning you in a frat party where you know no one.

Haechan is burning holes in your skull. Iseul being gross with her boyfriend isn't helping. You are, however, too much of a coward to leave the group and find someone else to hang out with.

"So..." you start hesitantly. "Mark and Haechan right?"

"Uh yeah. Nice to meet you." Comes an awkward but polite reply from Mark. "I remember you. From, uh, the other day."

"Oh! If it isn't the ballet princess!" An exclamation of realisation. "Was sure I've seen that strikingly boring face before."

Haechan. His voice makes your heart flutter, your brain completely disregarding the fact that he just called you strikingly boring.

You cough, pretending to not notice Mark punching Haechan. (The latter roles his eyes. He's hot.)

"And it's the walking disaster. Small world." You shrug.

A deep chuckle, followed by a charming smile. "Indeed." A pause. Havana blasts through the sound system. You twist the empty cup between your fingers. Jaemin and Iseul have disappeared. Mark excuses himself and yells at someone named Chenle.

And then, the red solo cup is gently pried away from your hand, replaced by a new one with more soda in it. Hot breath falls on your lips, the smooth strands of his hair brushing against your forehead. A hand comes up to hold your waist, and then there's a soft, warm press of lips on the corner of your lips. Barely there, but the contact sends your insides doing things they shouldn't be capable of.

A soft whisper. A whisper which goes straight to your soul. And the very next moment there's no evidence to support what just happened other than the fresh cup of soda in your trembling hand, all the warmth replaced by a blanket made of ice. But that's not why you shiver.

"It's Donghyuck to you, love."

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

"I wanna be a firefighter."

"You have a pretty face."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing."

"I’m serious."

"You’ll be fine."

"I’m not asking for your approval."

"You’ll make it."

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

"She's not a Christian!"

Donghyuck's mother isn't trying to be subtle about her dislike towards you. His siblings are all sitting on the same couch, backs straight, giving different versions of the same embarassed smiles. His father looks amused (a bit too much, it's starting to terrify you.)

Donghyuck- he's just playing purble place. Purble place, purble place, out of all the games out there! He's too relaxed for his own good. You resist the urge to strangle him and maniacally scream, while simultaneously trying not to get distracted by how he is butchering all the cake orders.

"I don't mind Donghyuck being religious." You offer unhelpfully, flashing all thirty two teeth.

A pan is thrown somewhere in the kitchen, and his mother comes out only to drag you back in. She gives you an incredulous look, her eyes brimming with an emotion you can't put your finger on. You think she's crazy.

She parts her lips to speak, and you brace yourself for what is to come. Only, it unexpectedly comes in the form of a whisper.

"I am a woman too. I am saying this for your own good."

Uh-oh, you think. That's never good. Infact, that's very, very bad. All the alarms in your head go off.

"Mrs. Lee, I don't think I-"

"No, you've got to know this, child. I tried scaring you off but it didn't work. I am forced to confront you with the truth."

"I don't understand where this is going, Mrs. Lee."

Donghyuck's mothers takes a deep breath in, putting on her bravest facade before biting the bullet.

"Hewantstobecomeafirefighter."

Her words are rushed, it takes a moment for you to figure it out. And then- oh.

That's it.

"That's it?" You sigh with relief, your lips tugging into a smile. It's quickly wiped away by the look of utter bewilderment Mrs. Lee offers.

"That's it? That's it? That's your response? That boy wants to throw away a great life to become a firefighter!"

"I mean, firefighter is not an entirely bad career. Infact, it has its own-"

"It could kill him! It's dangerous!" Mrs Lee holds her waist and stares down, breathing heavily, as though she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders.

This was a mother worried about her eldest (and secretly favourite) child.

You take her hands in yours, and make a promise you completely believe in.

"He'll be fine, eomma."

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Donghyuck has the brightest smile you've seen on him. You still mourn the loss of his hair, which is now cut short, but you don't think he's ever been more handsome. He sweeps you off your feet, quite literally, and presses a sweet, sweet kiss on your lips. The three weeks since Donghyuck joined the training academy has been the longest three weeks of your life, and now he's finally back in your arms, safe and at home.

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Your new job as a clinical pharmacist is bad, to put it bluntly. Not only are you disappointed about not making it into the critical care department, you are also utterly fed up with the asses who are the doctors working in oncology department. Good as they are in their job, they just can't seem to give the smallest ounce of respect to pharmacists. Nurses were a bit better off, but only by the slightest margin.

Add to it the fact that Donghyuck has been assigned to a fire station in the opposite end of the city.

You just had a day so terrible you'd give yourself a 1/10. Donghyuck not picking up his phone after promising to talk this evening isn't calming the storm in your head the slightest. You rapidly blink away the tears as they keep forming, instead focusing on the two days old rice that you are heating up. When did your life come to this?

Maybe his mother was right after all.

You forlornly fill your plate with the rice, stomping your way to the living room to put on the most depressing heartbreak movie you can find and wallow in your misery.

Only, there is already a life-sized figure sleeping on your couch, hands behind his head and humming a tune you hear only now.

You all but drop the ceramic plate, screaming with joy as you throw your body on top of Donghyuck's. He laughs a merry laugh, hands coming to stroke your hair and secure your place in his chest.

The tears don't stop, and you only sob harder when you listen to the erratic beating of his heart. His warmth encloses you in your own tiny bubble, a bubble filled only with the love you have for each other.

"Baby, love, shh, it's okay. I'm here now." He says that but his hands only hold you tighter, as if he too is desperate for you, as if he too dreads the time when he has to leave.

"Wait, is this real? Are you actually here?" You sob into his shirt, voice coming out all muffled. Donghyuck has the audacity to chuckle.

"I think so. I mean, I didn’t come all the way here to be a ghost." Lame as ever.

"You sure? Last time I checked, you were all the way across the country pretending to be a superhero." You fist the fabric of his white shirt, now wet with your tears, and attempt to pull him closer.

"Hey, firemen are basically superheroes, you know?" He replies, pinning you under him in one swift motion. His thumb comes to wipe at your tears, lips kissing the pain away.

"Oh right, with the fancy suit and the truck. You should be wearing a cape, honestly." It sounds pathetic from how breathless you are.

"I’d look great in a cape. Maybe for Halloween next year." His hand cradles your face, holding you as though you were the most precious possession in the universe. Maybe you were, to him.

"I can’t believe you’re actually here. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry right now." Your voice cracks towards the end. Donghyuck's eyes soften. "There were so many nights when I couldn't sleep because I waa scared. I can't lose you, babe."

Donghyuck rests his forehead on yours. "My queen must never cry. Love, no matter what happens to me, you shouldn't cry. I always think about you, no matter where I am. I'll always love you. When I die, you'll be my last thought."

"Don't say that!" You protest weakly, slapping his arm. "You aren't dying."

"Well, I am but a mortal. One day, I'll take my last breath."

"Hey, it's okay. Look at me, my love will always stay strong okay. I'll always love you, alive or dead, and watch over you from heaven, even if you don't believe in heaven."

"And that day is far, far away Donghyuck. Please don't say that."

"I love you, Donghyuck."

-

Lee Donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Donghyuck isn't back from his shift yet. You stand alone in the bathroom, staring at the stick in your hand with disbelief. This wasn't planned, it wasn't supposed to happen, especially not now when you are just settling into your new job after moving in with Donghyuck. The two pink lines staring right back at you, however, have other plans.

-

Author's note

Part II will be out in a week. Please stay tuned!

[pinkkop]

Best BLs of 2024

To my surprise, it appears that we've entered 2025, so before I give myself over to the new year I wanted to share my 15 favourite BLs of 2024 in no particular order. Here we go!!!

🇹🇼 The On1y One

This show came complete out of left field and absolutely blew me away! The slow burn was just so delicious which I actually think is a pretty hard thing to do but with acting this good and a great production quality, it did not ever get too slow or too boring. I just wish they would get a second season because, as I've talked about before, I'm convinced the creators intended for this to be just the first season. I'm still holding out hope for a second season but I do worry that since we haven't heard anything concrete yet that we might not get one.

🇰🇷 The Time of Fever

I already knew this was going to be good since I loved these two in Unintentional Love Story. This is actually very similar to The On1e One and did it just as well but with a slightly different approach. The yearning was palpable in the best way possible!

It's such a pity that it seems like the Korean BL market is struggling right now but this show was no disappointment. Would love a sequel to Unintentional Love Story now because I need to see these two finally get their shit together.

🇹🇼 Unknown

Taiwan does gray area stories so well and this was a perfect example. It was so delicious to witness Yuan just love and yearn for Qian and just get stronger and stronger in the conviction that he was made for loving Qian. I'm also just weak for a character who doesn't think much of themselves and don't believe they deserve to be loved like their romantic interest wants to and then for them to finally cave to the persistence of their romantic partner. Could watch a trillion of those types of pairings and this show was a really good take on the trope.

🇰🇷 Love for Love's Sake

This was an odd one but I really liked the concept. The acting, plot and production was really good and I liked how this added something fresh. It's a similar type of pairing as Unknown so again this was right up my alley. One of these days I should look at all my favourite shows and see how often this dynamic pops up because I bet it's a lot. 

🇹🇭 Cherry Magic th

Is this the same type of pairing as both Unknown and Love For Love's Sake?!  You bet it is!!!

Tay and New were just so good in this. I loved that they're both actual dorks but Karan is just better at hiding it so Ashi believed Karan was better than him. In reality they were just the same and perfect for each other. Also I just absolutely love this version of Karan because, as I said before, he' was's such a dork and hearing his inner thoughts through Ashi's powers was such a highlight of this show. Favourite scene was in the bus when Ashi leaned on Karan's shoulder and you just heard Karan's internal screaming. Such a mood!! It just made Karan so much more down to earth and I think Ashi and Karan are one of the few BL pairings where I can imagine them being together for the rest of their lives because they'd be both best friends and lovers.

I did struggle with the Pai character because she was such a good female character and representation of the struggles a lot of woman have. I so badly wanted her to stay single and happy on her own and it felt unnecessary to pair her with Rock. Even more so because her Japanese counter part was actually asexual so I would have loved for Pai to have a similar story line.

🇯🇵 25 Ji, Akasaka de

Just so much pining!!! And another character feeling unworthy of their romantic interest but I feel like this was slightly different, more in an idolizing way and Japan does that really well. 

🇨🇳 Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

This was such a raw feeling show and s big surprise coming out of China. It felt real and raw without feeling like it was low quality. I loved both pairings so much and maybe I'm a masochist but I loved having my heart broken every week.

It didn't quite stick the landing but honestly, with it being China, I'm not surprised the ending got muddled and famously I don't mind when a show doesn't stick it's landing (See my love of HIStory3: Make Our Days Count). It's still worth watching so much and I will definitely watch it again myself. 

🇹🇭 Every You, Every Me

I already enjoyed Top and Mick in their segment of My Universe so I was very excited for this one. This was also a nice surprise because I was just expecting another anthology show but the way they connected the couples was really clever. The ending was a little weak but again here, I didn't think it really hurt the show too much, it just meant this is a good show that could have been even more amazing.

I feel like Top and Mick really proved themselves in this and I really hope that we get more of them. They're a rare pairing that don't visually have a clear top/bottom dynamic while also being good enough actors to be able to both pull of playing both roles.

🇹🇭 I Saw You in My Dream

This was a cute little show and I was happily surprised that they pulled off the more ambitious concept of the prophetic dreams. Both couples were really great and I had such a good time watching along. 

🇨🇳 Meet You at the Blossom

Finally a Wuxia BL from China, by the help of Thailand and Taiwan. This was all I wanted it to be and I can't wait to see how these actors do going forward with them being Chinese and all. I hope we get more Wuxia BLs because this was soooo much fun. I loved both main and secondary characters and pairings and the plot was just the right amount of unhinged.

🇹🇭 We Are

I was worried about this show having so many couples and episodes but I loved how they intertwined and balanced the pairings and gave us a show which was engaging and interesting all the way through.

I love me some found family and all the pairings were great in their own ways. I did particularly love Peem and Phum. It's the hurt character with walls so high all over again (adds another tally to the count). To be honest PhumPeem are still rotating in my mind to this day which I think is a testament to how well this show was executed.

🇹🇭 Spare Me Your Mercy

This was such an engaging watch and it was so cool to get another BL which was really a romance second and another genre first. The crime and mystery of this show was really great and the production quality fit really well. I talked in this post about it struggling with only having 8 episodes which I wholeheartedly think is most of the reason why this show is just good and not absolutely amazing. 

🇯🇵 Takara no Vidro

Another little gem of a show with characters who are perfect for each other but don't believe they're worthy of the other person. Japan does this really well so this was a success. 

🇹🇭 Pit Babe

This was a wild ride with a wild plot and concept but it committed to the bit and made me really invested in the characters and made it easy to get on board with the ABO dynamic of this show and what it meant for the plot.  

🇰🇷 Love in the Big City

This was a top tier QL! It's one of those BLs that are really more about the realities of being queer than the romance which is when a ton of people pop out of the woodwoork to debate whether this is a BL or Queer Media™ as if the latter is inherently better than the first, which is a ridiculous sentiment. Sure, if you don't want to call this a BL because the focus is much more on the realities of being Queer in South Korea then I'm not going to burn you at the stake but don't make this out to be better than BL as a whole. BL is Queer Media and not inherently worse or better than other queer media, especially the kind that don't focus on romance. Anyways, a small tangent.

This show is great and well worth a watch. I don't know if I'll ever watch it again personally because it just left me feeling so raw and too seen. 

[satureja13]

This is part two of the Boys taking a shower after the New Year's fires. Part 1 (Ji Ho and Vlad) is -> here

Jack wasn't able to hold himself back anymore. That mistletoe kiss on winterfest left cracks in the walls he'd built around him out of fear to get hurt again. It had just felt too good to give himself over to their fated bond. It felt safe.

But Kiyoshi retreated from their kiss. Kioyshi: "Jack. I can't do this anymore. Being mates, just mates with you. I tried to resist you but even after all those decades in the tree it seems I'm not enlightened - or whatever you want to call it - enough to suppress my feelings for you. I'm so sorry. I know how afraid you are and how much I'd hurt you. I don't know what to do. We need to keep our distance or we could..." But Jack interrupted him. He smiled: "We don't need to keep our distance anymore. After we kissed - I felt it! Our fated-mates-thing!" Kiyoshi's brain wasn't able to process this revelation in the slightest. After all these years - Jack was finally able to accept their fated connection? Accept - him?

And before Kiyoshi could ponder about the whys and hows, Jack hauled him in the next kiss. And their messyness reminded them of their wild encounters before. Kiyoshi: "Gods, Jack. You make me so happy. I won't fail you again."

They completely forgot about their surroundings and why they are even here. Until Jack knocked his head against the glass panel of the shower.

Jack is a werewolf and he doesn't mind when it gets a bit rough. But he pulled Kioyshi into the shower anyway. Kiyoshi: "Are you really sure you won't regret this?" Jack: "I am."

Jack: "Come in. I'll scrub the ashes off of you. Thoroughly!" Kiyoshi: "Uh..."

But Jack's brain had been occupied with Kiyoshi's amazing body. And so they'd still been dirty after their shower. Jack: "Ready for round two?" Kiyoshi: "You betcha."

And so they jumped under the shower again. And ignited a firework that generated enough energy to heat and reprocess the water for a week - but didn't burn the ship down :3

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: starts ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-29

[rat-rosemary]

Ranboo couldn't breathe. He had fallen into a spiral for seemingly no reason, and now he couldn't get any oxygen in, no matter how hard he tired to follow the square breathing technique Techno had shown him.

Ranboo

"No no no please I can't I cant-"

The walls were closing around him, obsidian burying him alive-

Ranboo listen

Old wounds opening once more, all alone but it felt like he was back in New Lmanburg, screaming and accusations of things he doesn't remember doing-

"I swear I tried so hard I didn't mean it please-"

RANBOO

The next gasping breath he took felt like it was ripped out of him, tears of relief as his form was changed against his will, the shift enough to snap him out of the spiral, like shoving your hands in ice.

Ranboo slumped into the floor, his new wings covering him, soft and fluffy and grounding.

Ranboo

No nevermind, back to panic time. Because that was Dream's voice and Dream was supposed to be in prison and no one was supposed to know about the panic room-

But the room was empty.

"Dream?"

Ranboo called out, his voice rough, cracking embarrassingly

Yes?

"I- Where are you?"

He leaned against a wall,pushing himself up into shaky legs

I'm right here

Dream's voice cooed back, sounding completely directionless. There was something about it that made Ranboo's shoulders loosen, and he feels a bit guilty about it. Dream might be their God, but he's also Dream.

"Here where? Y-You're supposed to be in prison."

Ranboo turned around, covering himself with his wings as he searched the small room. There isn't much to it, there shouldn't be anywhere for Dream to hide in, yet he can't find him. He doesn't even have a couch in here!

I am in prison.

"What? Then. Oh void I have actually gone insane"

A chuckle sounded on his head, and Ranboo felt like something had nudged his mind, a pyscic equivalent of a cat bumping it's head against his forehead.

No, I'm in your head. Don't have another panic attack.

"Wha- How? Why?"

He keeps spinning around, scouring the room. Somehow he would be more relieved if he found Dream now.

You were praying

Dream starts, pausing awkwardly for a moment

Very very loudly

"No I wasn't! I was-"

Panicking. How do you think animals pray to me Ranboo?

"Oh."

Yeah

They fall into silence and Ranboo sits down again, still shaky and unsteady.

It does feel better to not be alone tho. To have the quiet reassurance of someone else with him, even if it's Dream and even if he's not really here.

So... what happen?

"It was... nothing."

It didn't feel like nothing. Ranboo you have no clue how loud you were.

Ranboo squeezed his eyes closed, hiding his face in his hands. Void, this was his personal hell.

"I guess," he hesitated, fluffing up his wings and curling up further under them as he hid his face in his knees, "I've been overwhelmed lately I think? Which is stupid because all the wars are over because- uh."

Because I'm in prison?

"Yes! Or at least they were supposed to be. But everyone is so tense and there's all these politics and ugh! It's supposed to be better now! But it's so scary all the time"

That sucks buddy

Dream's voice had a tilt of dry humor and bitterness that Ranboo didn't really get

I don't know, go take a swim about it? Get away from all this shit?

"I can't swim Dream, I'm an enderman hybrid!"

Of course you can, just-

And then Ranboo was falling over, barely catching himself before he face planted the cold obsidian as his wings and legs dissappear, being replaced with a tail.

"...I'm a seal."

Laughter rang in his head once more, and Dream let go of his form, the tail staying just a few seconds more before splitting back into his normal legs

You're a seal

"And I can just. Do that. And jump into the ocean. And get no burns"

Yes, why would you?

"Well, because I'm an enderman-"

You are. Until you're a seal. And then you're not.

"Oh."

All the response Ranboo got was a small wave of fondness and the mental equivalent of an eye roll. He stood once more, leaning against a wall as he made his way out of the panic room.

From there he walked straight to the ocean, feeling a sticky mix of terror and wonder as he reached the shore.

Dream had left him when he left the panic room, but he once more reached for the god, shaking as he reached the waves bobbing gently against the ice.

With a leap of faith Ranboo jumped in, squeezing his eyes shut as he sank.

Swim

And Ranboo did, opening his eyes and sliding across the water, kept warm by the fur scattered across him. His skin did not burn.

[rainchyna]

PENT UP.

SHAWN MICHAELS X FEM!READER

(idiots w sexual tension, smut, cussing, fingering, p in v, squirting)

You hadn't even fully sat down before you heard a knock on your door, you sigh, rolling your eyes before getting up to unlock the door. you didn't even get to see who it was, as you were pushed back against the opposite wall, the door slamming loud behind you.

Strong arms had pinned against the wall as a tall figure towered you, irritated, you look up only to see Shawn looking down at you, and you could've sworn he was burning holes into your eyes. One of his hands caged both of yours above your head, while the other held onto your waist pulling you close to him. You can smell the strong cologne that he used, it was slowly intoxicating you, he could see it in your eyes.

He didn't even say a word, he immediately kissed you. Something in the back of your head told you to kiss him back, so you did, and god did it feel good. you really didn't want to enjoy this, you really didn't. but the way he was holding you close to him, the way his lips were moving against yours, everything for some reason felt right.

He pulled away from you, and even though you were both professional wrestlers, you were both out of breath, "fuck me yourself coward? i'll show you" he grunts.

This was about another one of the petty arguments you two had. Something about Vince putting you both on commentary, or something about you making fun of his flamboyant gear and wrestling style. Wait, no it’s about him telling you to ‘go fuck yourself’, and you telling him ‘fuck me yourself, coward.’

Now, this, you two getting your anger out by making out, was new. 

This enemies-who-don't-really-hate-each-other-with-benefits thing was eventually going to blow up in your faces. Today might be the day.

A slight smirk found its way to your face. You never really understood why Shawn had this effect on you, and why specifically him. He'd have you rolling your eyes every time he'd not so discreetly check you out, but blushing the second he'd walk away. Giggling to yourself like a schoolgirl with a crush every time he'd drop a flirty comment, but you'd dry your hardest to look annoyed. 

His lips meet yours again, your hands are lost in his soft, golden hair. Your lips push and pull against each other as his tongue dances with yours. “Jump” he mumbled against your lips and you immediately did as you’re told. You wrap your legs around his torso as he holds your outer thighs and his lips make their way to your neck, licking and biting, placing as many love bites as he can. Leaving you breathless. “Shawn, please do something” you moan, “oh, i will” he mutters against your neck. 

Pulling you away from the wall, he gently places you on the sofa facing the door before climbing on top of you and kissing you again. You can feel him ever so slightly grind against you, so you grind back onto him earning a light groan from him. He slides your shirt off of you, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses until he reaches the hem of your pants, his eyes meet yours for a second, you nod at him letting him know that you wanted this.

It was an open secret. Everyone knew you two had something going on, but no one knew what exactly it was. Did you like each other? Did you hate each other? Were you hooking up? Whatever it was, your chemistry was through the roof, and the sexual tension was nowhere near thin.

He pulls down your pants, removing them from your legs revealing your pretty lace panties, that were now unbearably sticky with your wetness. Shawn’s big hands move up from your legs to your hips, gently, he tugs off your underwear, shoving them into the pocket of his jeans. He pulls your legs apart before getting on his knees in front of you, you close your eyes, bracing yourself for what he’s about to do and the second they’re completely shut, you feel his warm tongue against your slit. 

His tongue moves smoothly against your delicate flesh, teasing your clit with little nibs every now and then. “Y-you did-dn’t lock the door” you stutter, “we’ll g-get caught”, he just chuckles. “That’s the fun part,” he says.

One of his hands keeps your legs open as the other teases your slit, he slowly pushes two of his fingers inside you, causing you to whine loudly, “you’re being pretty loud for someone who doesn’t wanna get caught” he smirks, and as much as you wanted to say something back, you couldn’t.

His fingers were working magic inside you, curling inside you and stretching you out, he pushed another finger inside you. Your brain went blank, and your body was heating up quickly, he dove back in between your legs, the pressure on your clit from his tongue was too much, you can feel your orgasm building up fast, it was almost embarrassing. 

“S-shawn” you whimpered, you grabbed as fistful of his hair making him groan into your pussy, sending shivers up your spine, “shawn, p-please, oh fuck, fuck” you cried. Your back arched and your vision became hazy, “cum for me” he mumbles against you, your body processed before your mind did, and you were cumming on his face. A loud whimper escaped your lips as you felt him pull away from you, “so sweet for me, pretty girl” he says. 

you look at him, eyes lustful, his lips and chin glistened with your juices, his hair was messy and you can see his boner through his tight pants.

“W-want you inside” you huff, his lips curl into his classic shit-eating grin, “think you can handle me, doll?” you roll your eyes, fixing your position on the sofa, “do you want to find out, or are you just gonna stand there?” you groan. 

His hands messily undo his pants, as he shimmies out of them, you can properly see the tent that had formed in his pants, pre-cum staining his grey boxers. The sight was enough to have you drooling, “think you deserve it?” Shawn said maintaining eye contact with you, you quickly nod your head, needing him more than ever. “Think you can handle me darlin’?” his texan accent twangs, he holds your face in one of his hands, the other patting your hair. 

“Yes, sir” you reply. He smirks before kissing you. A deep, needy kiss. So passionate you can feel him pouring his soul into it, pulling away from you, you both attempt to catch your swiftly stolen breath, you take some time to admire how genuinely beautiful Shawn was. From his sharp, defined jawline to the curve of his pink lips. His high cheekbones to his gorgeous greenish, blue eyes. His thick eyebrows furrowed as he caught you deep in thought, “what are you thinkin’ about, pretty?”

If only you were mine.

“you.” You truthfully answer.

“Being cute ain’t gonna get you anywhere. You’ll get it good for being a smartass, baby. You’re mine and only mine from now on.” he says, finally pulling off his boxers as they had gotten uncomfortably tight around him. 

Only his, you were all his now.

His cock sprang out, slapping against his abdomen, his tip was a bright, angry pinkish-red. He was both long and thick, definitely bigger than average. Way bigger, and for a split second you questioned whether or not he’ll fit. 

“Like what you see, huh?” he teased as he caught you borderline drooling. You just nod.

He moved on top of you, your arms immediately wrapped themselves around his neck, but he pushed them away, pinning them above your head, his other hand aligned his cock with your soaking cunt. 

Your eyes rolled back as he slowly pushed himself inside you, you bit down on your lips trying to drown down your moans. “S-shawn” you cried.

“I know, baby, I know” he moans, bottoming out, mumbling against your neck something about how you feel better than he’d dreamed of. He slowly began rocking against you, moving so well inside you tears were forming in the corners of your eyes, he moved up, his hand gripping onto your hip as the other kept your hands away. 

His thrusts began slow and deep, your back arched, mouth falling open as you struggled to let out anything that wasn’t his name, you clenched tightly around him. “Relax for me, baby.” he groaned, his hand moved up from your hips to your waist, upwards towards your breasts, then towards your neck where he had left several marks, a little gift to remind you who you belong to. 

He wraps his fingers around your neck, just tight enough so that you’re mind numbingly marinated in pleasure. THe look of pure bliss on your face damn near sent him over the edge on the spot, his hips stuttering as he speeds up a little, and he thrusts into you so deep you swear you can feel him near your lungs. 

And as he picked up a pace, he began loudly moaning in your ear, shamelessly. You felt better than any drug and he was going to make sure you knew. He breathed in deeply, grunting and whimpering in your ear. His lips would kiss and nip at your neck, “you feel so fucking good.” he moaned, his voice travelling straight to your already sensitive clit. “You don’t know how many times I’ve dreamed of you at night, how many times I’ve touched myself thinkin’ ‘bout you, baby.” he moans.

It was too much to handle, the thought of him touching himself because you riled him up that bad. So bad, you’ve shown up in his dreams. It was too fucking much for you. 

“Gonna cum, Shawn, I-I, ‘m cumming!” you gasp. “do it, cum all over me sweetheart” he encourages. your body goes limp as your orgasm pushes through you. He stays still for a second, just wanting to feel how he made you cum, moaning loudly as your pussy grips on him. Yet he doesn’t cease his movements.

You couldn’t tell if he’s chasing his own high, or if he’s trying to overstimulate you. You let out a loud shudder as his hand finally lets go of yours before latching itself onto your clit, massaging and rubbing it harshly.

 You could feel another orgasm building up, you couldn’t handle it. “Sha-shawn, i c-can’t, too sensitive” you whimper. “Hold on for me doll, a-almost th-there” he moans. You tried, you were trying so hard. “Be a good girl, baby.” he moans.

Fuck, you really tried, you wrap your arms around his neck, whimpering against his chest. You were panting, tears brimming in your eyes, and he moaned your name over, and over again directly in your ear. His cock pistoning in and out of you, tip pushing against your g-spot, fingers continuing their assault on your swollen nub.

You tried so hard to stop yourself but you couldn’t, you squirted all over his abdomen, soaking him in your arousal. The sight of you squirting on him, and the sound of you crying out his name like that triggered his orgasm. Shawn collapsed, moaning like he’s never had sex before, on top of you as his hot, sticky cum coated your walls. Your eyes were barely open, and your breathing was nowhere near steady. 

“Are you still there, pretty?” he asks, you mumble incoherencies as your eyes slowly open. “What are you saying?” he asks, “You’re mine, and if you don’t keep fuckin’ me like this ‘m killing you” you pant, a proud smile tugging on his lips, “I'll do anything you want, baby."

[obitoslover]

I think it's also worth mentioning Beast when talking about their dynamic

When Atsushi asked him why did he want to help him so much, there's his answer:

Considering that desire to save Dazai was from before the moment beast Dazai started to change things, it's fair to assume og Mori also thought the same, even if his way wasn't the best (ah the Kouyou & Kyouka parallels...)

After that, Mori basically adopted Atsushi, which I interpret as his way to "compensate" for failing Dazai in the past, given now he's able to actually care for a child without putting him in a traumatizing situation

Beast Mori also said earlier he accepted to work as the orphanage headmaster because he owed Dazai for sparing his life 4 years ago, which could serve as a parallel to what you said about og Dazai feeling he owed Mori for saving his life multiple times even when he planned for Dazai to die and bury the secret with him (and that's an important detail, in my opinion, because Mori DID want Dazai to die, but he never let the kid actually die; maybe he quickly changed his mind when realized Dazai could be useful to him, but for Dazai to only bringing this up a whole year after the old boss' death, I don't think that's completely the case)

Now, talking about the main universe, I have two things I want to highlight:

1. Mori kept Dazai's spot as an executive open

Yes, he definitely does that because Dazai was extremely useful in the organization, but please consider how wild it is. He's basically saying a traitor can go back to the port mafia anytime he wants and would still get all his privileges again.

Oh, and I forget to tell a tiny detail too... Dazai was Mori's right hand man. Even when Dazai wasn't officially in the pm, he was still someone Mori treated as a trustworthy subordinate, and considering Mori said if Dazai was still there the Guild wouldn't be as troublesome as they turned out to be, I think Dazai could be seem as his right hand man even in the dark era, in a way.

And also, when Rimbaud turned out to be a traitor, you know exactly what happened to his belongings (since he was already dead he couldn't be punished), all burned. The only things that survived was the documents about Chuuya and Arahabaki, which Mori kept as executives only's property as a way to make Chuuya more trapped in the pm

2. All of this

Mori expressing melancholy by comparing Dazai to himself, hello?? I blame the anime for not showing this and make Mori too happy in this scene, cuz why is nobody talking about this at all??

As a mafia leader, he needed an assistant, a secretary, a confidant, a right hand man (funny how beast Elise fulfills that role)... but, as a person, what he needed was someone, a subordinate — not an equal, mind you, he could trust to share everything, someone who could understand (highlighted, which means it's somewhat important) him while he was alone as a leader (are you that lonely you think a suicidal teenager could fill that void in your heart?)

"But not all errors are bad" thinks the guy who, even in the main manga, still valued results over intentions. /half-joking

He thinks he's "asking too much" [regarding wanting someone to, basically, bond with] since he followed such a bloody path, which implies even more he does feel guilt, or at the very least, he recognizes the path he chose isn't to be praised for

"But it was Dazai, after all. So, perhaps..." so Mori thinks Dazai can be an exception because he's also fit for darkness, so it wouldn't be a problem to "ask too much", or because he saw himself so much he thought he could be understood by this kid? Or maybe both? Who knows...

The way everyone seems to think about Mori and Dazai’s relationship really annoys me, okay? It’s like… everyone thinks Dazai always hated Mori and I just don’t understand where people got that idea from? Dazai was more indifferent to him at first and there was certainly anger, disappointment, and distrust because Mori never gave him the quick and painless death he promised in return for Dazai’s testimony of his innocence, but there was also respect and attachment. I wouldn’t say affection, not on Dazai’s end, but Mori was the only person he knew and interacted with for a year. They were tied together in this crazy scheme to take over the port mafia, they were partners in crime, even before Dazai officially joined the mafia.

For at least four years Mori was there, taking care of him, keeping him alive. Dazai probably didn’t appreciate that, but still, Mori risked his own life to save Dazai when he tried to blow himself up. He knew he was important to Mori, and I think he felt like he owed him in a very abstract way. He did so much to protect Mori in Storm Bringer. He manipulated Verlaine into killing some of the most important people in the Mafia just to buy Mori more time. He set up an ambush for Verlaine that ended in the mafia loosing a huge chunk of their forces and put his own and Chuuya’s lives in unimaginable danger. All to protect Mori. For four years his life’s purpose was to help and protect Mori. He became exasperated when Mori made his job harder but he still gave it everything he had. Until Oda gave him a new purpose he was completely dedicated to Mori, even if he hid it well. He never resented Mori for that, I don’t think, because he gave him his reason to live, pushed him towards Chuuya, gave him drugs to make him less miserable, let him do whatever he wanted. It wasn’t until Mori became the cause of his misery that Dazai turned against him. For the longest time Mori had brought him something like joy, albeit in very unconventional ways, and he saw it as a betrayal when Mori took away something that made him happy, Odasaku. And because he’s someone with severe emotional dissregulation and probably a mixed cluster b personality disorder with a lot of bpd traits, he went from being incredibly attached to Mori to absolutely despising him and never wanting to see or think about him again.

The animosity he shows towards Mori didn’t build gradually over time due to multiple factors or slights. It came from betrayal, from years of feeling like Mori cared about him suddenly being put into a new perspective after Mori hurt him deeply without any remorse. But he doesn’t hate the mafia or Mori’s methods or what he stands for, in fact he still shares many of Mori’s beliefs and ideologies. He still holds professional respect for Mori, even if he will no longer do anything to protect the man.

[benevolentvampire]

my mother will see textbook depression and then decide it just pisses her off

[uniiiquehecrt]

Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.

It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.

Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.

The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.

This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.

Actors are not the same as voice actors.

And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.

I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.

People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.

Voice Actors ≠ Actors.

[fennthetalkingdog]

I'm just figuring out how important music is in my life! This is coming from a long while trying to cut down on my music use, mostly because I was listening to it so much that it felt more like I couldn't do anything without popping in some earbuds, and partially because of other personal reasons. Some of my routines changed, forcing me to not listen to music while doing certain things, and it ended up becoming that besides working on homework or drawing, I didn't listen to music at all. But I've given myself a break today since I have nothing to do and since, for reasons, I'm feeling just a lil crappy today—and boy, I'm starting to realize again just why I love music!!

I love the diverse music taste I've developed over the years! My family is not only big about music but big about listening to it loud, so the majority of my music taste for most of my life has just been Christian hiphop (Lecrae, KB, Andy Mineo, Trip Lee, and ironically Tonex, whose album where he was struggling hard with his gayness has been my favorite concert movie since I was 5) and gospel music (Kirk Franklin, Tye Tribbett, etc.). And music was one of the few connections between me and my race (I grew up feeling pretty estranged from my blackness as a kid, but the popular songs they played at the YMCA in the 2010s were some of the few things I could use to feel more connected) and between me and my classmates/friends at the Y (I still have fond memories of playing FNAF songs in mat forts and reciting lyrics at pool parties). But I got tired of knowing I could never bond with anyone besides family friends music taste-wise when I was in high school, and so I started listening to secular music on my own time. And that's how I first found Ghost and Pals, a vocaloid artist and one of the first secular music folks I listened to as a kid (can you smell the religious trauma yet? Lol), and that's how I bonded with one of my best friends in early college (ironically, also my first time being publically queer). Now I listen to Kpop, anime songs, songs from warriors MAPs, songs from musicals (Hamilton and In the Heights <3), latin songs, metal songs, and even some secular songs young me would've been too scared to listen to.

And music has always been one of my biggest sources of stimming! I can't dance to save my life, but music will sure get me to flick my fingers and hit my fist against my shoulder furiously. Music was one of the first clues that I like stimming with vibration too (since I love laying against the car door and turning up the music loud enough to feel the world shake around me). And music was one of the first things that made me look into ADHD or autism (specifically, listening to Ghost and Pals songs for a month straight and getting my friend at early college [who also has ADHD] to start looking at me funny when I was discovered doing chores and listening to one of three songs for the fifth time). Music is so cool it'll get me to wax poetically. It was one of the things that kept me together during my roughest times and soothed me during my best. I listen to it while I write, while I cry, while I hang out with my friends and family and while I chill by myself. It's how I relax after a long day, and it's how I feel safe. I feel kinda emotional finally having music hit that spot in me without feeling like I need it to do stuff.

[tenwhiteandalusians]

and then no one said anything about the fact that if i watched ONE MORE episode tenax pulls a "i'm not angry i'm just disappointed i'm hurt" about scorpus signing with the white faction.

[jessamine-rose]

/obey me! vent/