#before he once again got overtaken by morgana

[rule-number-3]

I have thunk that won't go away, TrollReader lives in troll market and when they hear gunmar is free they freak out because they used to court him but cancelled it and left when he fought to take over the gumgum army and haven't seen him since

Idk if it makes sense but thank you for reading this :>

No no no. This makes sense. This may just be because I did a lot of fic writing back in the day but this sounds like a really good ot for one. Ripe with angst and worry. I'm only sure it doesn't exists yet bc I have scraped the Gunmar tag and ao3 and came back with crumbs. I always forget just how small this fandom is.

Anyway, love the story idea. We got so very little of pre-killahead Gunmar in Wizards but even there he seemed... I don't want to call it nicer, but he didn't seem like he was as much of a glorkhole as he would later be post Darklands and was probably a comparatively decent person in the time before that, which is actually something I've been wanting to do one of my little think pieces on in the future. My point is that I can easily imagine him being a significantly different person and his potential s/o seeing his descent from standard levels evil's for a gumm gumm to outright tyrant and noping on out of there while it was possible.

Gunmar is understandably peeved. He genuinely seemed hurt when he saw that Arrrgh had switched sides so seeing a lover among the those fighting agaisnt him or hiding from him will set him off, probably. He has a heart. He cares about family. Jim and the other will absolutely do everything they can to protect poor s/o but Gunamr is nothing is not stubborn and an a hole and he will want to confront them personally, at least. Maybe if circumstances are right even offer the opportunity to return to his side and rule. More of an ultimatum than a choice, though, but that's like the whole theme of trollhunters so it fits. If declined it enslavement as a mindless grunt with the rest of them but he will feel bad about it for a while.

[swanqueeneverafter]

The Once & Future Queen Pt.10

Storybrooke. Will & Tiana's Apartment. (Ella stands in front of a full length mirror, struggling to zip up her dress when Tiana enters.) Tiana: (Whistles:) “I mean, I was coming to show you our new uniforms, but clearly wherever you are going is more silk than silk screen.” Ella: “Henry and I are going on a date, to-” Tiana: “The Dragon’s Lair? Yeah, it’s the only high class restaurant in town, sweetie. Apart from the Rollin’ Bayou of course. Henry’s really pulling out all the stops. And by the looks of this number, so are you.” Ella: “Well, I need to at least present myself as a responsible adult - who can control her emotions, not fly off the handle.” Tiana: “That's ridiculous. Regina already forgave you for all that. El, what is really going on?” Ella: “It's complicated.” Tiana: “Oh, my God. You’re not nervous about going on a date with Henry are you? El, the boy is madly in love with you. You have zero to worry about, okay?” Ella: “I’m not worried.” Tiana: “She says, lying to herself and her best friend.” Ella: “Stop it. I'm gonna be late. Now, how 'bout being that best friend, and zipping me up?” Tiana: “Mm.”

Morgana's Hovel. Recent Past. (While Anastasia is searching for Will, Morgana keeps herself busy with her hostage. Having raised Drizella from the pit, Morgana decides to have a little chat.) Morgana: "How does it feel to be constantly overlooked? To live in the shadow of your sister even when she lay dead in her casket for decades?" Drizella: (Sitting on the edge of the pit rubbing her head:) "I got over my feelings of inadequacy a long time ago. (Looks up at her:) Why can't you?" Morgana: "I stand in no one's shadow." Drizella: "Sure, now that Morgause is gone, you're free to be the crazy bitch of your family." Morgana: "Funny girl." Drizella: "Yeah well when one sister gets the looks and the magical talent, the other tends to rely on sarcasm and street smarts." Morgana: "Don't test me, Drizella. I'm starting to lose my patience." Drizella: "What do you want from me? You kept me at the bottom of a pit all night." Morgana: "While your sister is running an errand for me, I thought I might pick your brain awhile. This is your chance to prove to me that you aren't completely useless." Drizella: "And I so live for your approval." Morgana: (Ignoring this:) "You overheard Agravaine and I talking before so you know what I want. What do you know about the one they call Merlin?" Drizella: (Scoffs:) "You're kidding, right? Everyone knows about Merlin." Morgana: "Enlighten me." Drizella: "What's in it for me?" Morgana: "What would you like?" Drizella: (Scoffs:) "For you to let me go." Morgana: "Other than that." Drizella: (Looks behind her:) "I tell you all I know, and you keep me out of that pit. Deal?" Morgana: "It can't hurt your chances. Now talk."

Drizella: (Takes a breath:) "Merlin is considered the father of magic. People sometimes refer to him as the Sorcerer. Back when Emma was the Dark One, she and her family went to Camelot to seek Merlin's help. Only trouble is, he was inside a tree." Morgana: "A tree?" Drizella: "Yeah, Arthur was pretty tight with him. Didn't he ever tell you about Merlin?" Morgana: "My brother poisoned me and stole my crown. We weren't what you would call ‘close’." Drizella: "Right. Well somehow Emma and Regina found a way to free Merlin." Morgana: "How?" Drizella: "I don't know. Something to do with one of Henry's tears. If you want specific details, it's all in the Storybook." Morgana: "I see. So where is Merlin now?" Drizella: "He got on the wrong side of Emma and she returned him to his tree form. He's pretty hard to miss." Morgana: "Merlin is inside a tree?" Drizella: "Technically he is the tree, but yeah. I'm surprised you don't know all this already." Morgana: "Well now I do, and thanks to you, I know exactly what task I'm going to give Will Scarlett upon his arrival." Drizella: "I told you what you wanted to know. What about our deal?" Morgana: "Oh yes, our deal. (Morgana reaches out and pushes Drizella backwards into the pit. Looking down as she lands with a thud:) I said it couldn't hurt your chances." (Morgana smiles and walks away.) Storybrooke. Present. Main Street. (Running through the town with their weapons drawn, Xena and Gabrielle are prepared for the Red Queen's next attack.) Xena: "All right, Queenie. We know you're out there. Show yourself!" Red Queen: (Appearing behind them:) "I'm right here, darling." (As soon as Xena turns to face her, the Red Queen gives a casual wave of her hand and sends Xena flying through the air to crash through a car's windscreen.) Doc: (Slamming on the brakes:) "My Miata!" Red Queen: "Oops."

(Gabrielle stands poised with her sais in hand while several people run out of the diner to witness the commotion.) Gabrielle: “I don’t know who you are or what you want, but we will find a way to stop you.” Red Queen: “Oh, I’m sure you’ll try. (The Red Queen raises her hand again but turns at the sound of growling coming from behind her. With bared teeth, the wolf snarls at the Red Queen, ready to pounce:) Bad dog.” (The Red Queen knocks the wolf flying with a flick of her wrist. When the animal lands hard on the pavement, it transforms back into a dazed looking Ruby.) Lily: (Her weapon drawn:) “Hey! Sheriff’s department, stop!” Red Queen: (Chuckles:) “A gun? How adorable. (The Red Queen uses her magic to turn the gun into a banana:) There now, you look as though you needed something to eat, darling.” Lily: (Smirks, throwing the banana away:) “Neat trick. Wanna see mine?” (Lily’s eyes begin to glow as she starts her transformation.) Elsa: “Wait!” Red Queen: “Ah, if it isn’t the Queen of Arendelle. Well, Your Highness, a bit of advice from one Queen to another... keep your nose out of my business.” Elsa: “When you hurt my friends, you become my business.” (The Red Queen chuckles then throws a stream of fire towards Lily and Elsa. Lily ducks out of the way, but Elsa defends herself by shooting a flurry of ice and snow from her fingertips. While the crowd of onlookers grows in size, so does the strength of Elsa’s counter attack. Soon the Red Queen’s fire trail is overtaken and her arms begin to frost over.) Lily: “Keep going, Elsa. Freeze her!” Red Queen: (Struggling:) “You...can’t stop...me!” (Despite her protests, the Red Queen is frozen in place like a statue.) Elsa: (Breathing hard from the effort:) “That should let her cool off for awhile.” Lily: “Nice one.” Elsa: “Thanks.”

Dragon's House. Past. (After listening to Mulan and Emma's story, the Dragon tries to make sense of it all.) Dragon: "What you're telling me is not possible." Emma: "Trust me, this is my second journey into the past. It's very possible." Dragon: "That part I do believe. I was referring to your other statement. There is no way to travel to the Land Without Magic." Mulan: "But you found your way there before. Tell him, Emma." Emma: "It's true, I meet you in the future in the land where I was raised. There is very little magic in that land, aside from yours. Which is no doubt how you prosper so well there." Dragon: (Shakes his head:) "This is nonsense. Yes, I have dabbled in magic that seemed as though it may one day lead me to such a place, but my efforts were futile. Even with the Dark One's help, I could not manage it." Emma: "Rumplestiltskin. He helped you?" Dragon: "Yes, for a time we were a team. But when I could not achieve what he wanted, he had no further use for me." Mulan: "That's not right. I know for a fact you managed it somehow." (A young girl enters the room.) Young Girl: "Father?" Dragon: (Looking to the girl:) "What are you doing awake, child?" Young Girl: "I heard voices and was curious." Dragon: "Worry not, our business is almost concluded." Young Girl: (Looking to Mulan:) "Hello. My name is-" Dragon: (Snapping at her:) "Do not speak to these women, child! Now do as I say and go back to bed!" Young Girl: (Recoiling as if struck:) "Yes, Papa." (The young girl hurries from the room.) Mulan: (Rounding on the Dragon:) "You always were a short tempered old bastard." Emma: "Hey." Dragon: "How dare you? I will not be spoken to that way in my own house!" Mulan: "It's my house too! I know you made it to the Land Without Magic, because you left me here!" Dragon: "That's preposterous. What are you saying?" Mulan: (Pointing towards the other room, bitterly:) "I know that girl's name and I know the kind of life she's had up until this moment living with you. I was that girl. I am that girl." Dragon: "...Mulan?" Mulan: "Hello, Father."

Granny's Diner. Present. (As the only two people left in the diner due to the commotion outside, Henry and Will share a booth. After hearing Will’s confession, Henry's world has just been turned upside down.) Henry: "I don't believe it." Will: "Sorry mate, don't know what to tell ya. It just happened." Henry: "You and Ella?" Will: "I was as surprised as you. What with her being your fiancee and Tiana's best friend, I thought it was downright inappropriate." Henry: "What about you and Tiana? Didn't you try and stop things before-" Will: "Before they got out of hand? (Shakes his head:) Not the way I'm built, mate. If a gorgeous woman like Ella wants a piece of Will Scarlett, who am I to say no?" Henry: "But..." Will: "You can't blame her either. Ella's a vibrant, excitable girl who craves adventure. And I guess since you weren't able to provide that for her, I was all too happy to step in." Henry: "I should kill you right now." Will: (Considers:) "You could. God knows many a man has tried. But it doesn't change the fact that Ella was all too happy for me to fill your shoes. (Leans closer:) She told me as much while we were knocking boots. (Having heard enough, Henry takes a swing at Will, who deftly avoids it. Pulling Henry's jacket off his shoulders and trapping his arms in the sleeves, Will picks up a napkin from the table and wipes Henry's face with it:) Dry your eyes, mate. There's plenty more women out there." (Will shoves Henry forward into the booth and then runs for the door, making his escape through the crowd.) Swan-Mills House. (Archie and Regina sit down for coffee.) Archie: "Ruby told me you two spoke recently." Regina: (Nods:) "We did. And it wasn't half as bad as I was imagining." Archie: "You're both going through the same trauma right now. The loss of a partner, no matter how temporary, can be a harrowing experience. I'm glad you two managed to share your feelings." Regina: "Speaking of feelings, has Zelena booked an appointment with you yet?" Archie: "Actually, yes. I believe we have plans to speak tomorrow." Regina: "Good. Her loss is of a more permanent nature. (Thinks:) Although, we are talking about Robin Hood here, so you never can tell."

(At the sound of loud banging, Archie and Regina's attention turns to the front door when Ruby bursts through it looking frazzled.) Regina: "Make yourself at home why don't you?" Ruby: "Regina, you have to help us! Anastasia's gone nuts and Will and Henry got into a fight." Regina: "They what? (Looks to Maria:) Well I can't just leave, I have to put Maria to bed." Archie: "I-I can do that if you like? I have a little experience with babies." Regina: "Thank you, Archie. But no, Maria stays with me. (To Maria in a playful voice:) It seems the town needs us again, are we going to help them? Are we? (Maria gurgles:) You heard my daughter, let's go." The Dragon's Lair. (Laying low after his earlier actions, Will watches from his seat at the bar to see Ella arrive for her date with Henry. As the night progresses and Will's bar tab increases, Ella continues to wait for Henry while helping herself to bread sticks.) Later That Night. (With the restaurant emptying and Will unable to watch any longer, he stumbles off his seat and tries to leave without being noticed by Ella. Having witnessed his behaviour all night, Robin watches Will's movements closely as he attempts to duck out on his bill.) Robin: (Calling out:) “Hey, Will, pay your tab!” Will: (Shrugs:) “Sorry, I’ll catch ya next time.” (Turning, Will bumps into a waiter just as he was about to place another bowl of bread sticks on Ella’s table.) Ella: “Thank you.” Will: (Knocks the waiter:) “Oh! Oh, my God. Are you all right, mate?” (Unfortunately for Ella, this causes the waiter to spill wine all over her.) Ella: “Damnit. Really?” Will: (Tries to hurriedly help the waiter:) “There you go. Take your glass there, mate.” Ella: (Noticing him for the first time:) “Will?” Will: “All right, Ella. Small world innit? Can’t stay, must dash.” (Will stands up and runs unsteadily out of the place.) Robin: (Throwing her dish towel down:) “You can run, but you can’t hide.” (Robin picks up her phone and begins to dial.)

Dragon's House. Past. Continued. (Rocked by the revelation that Mulan is the Dragon's long lost daughter, Emma tries to mend fences.) Emma: "So... this is quite the family reunion huh?" Dragon: "You're a warrior? How can this be?" Mulan: "You didn't leave me much choice when you abandoned me. My options were slave or wife, which here is just an acceptable word for slave. So I disguised myself as a man and enlisted in the army. There I defeated the Huns and the Emperor honoured me with his crest and the sword of Shan Yu. I did all of that without you and now when I come to you for help, you're not there for me yet again." Dragon: "My daughter... (He attempts to close the distance between them, but Mulan takes a step backwards:) If I knew how to get to the Land Without Magic, I would tell you, but the truth is I do not." Apprentice: "Perhaps I can be of some assistance?" (Everyone turns to face the man who has just appeared through a familiar door.) Emma: "You? But how... Wait, I don't care how. You can get us home?" Apprentice: "In theory, yes. Although we will need to make a few stops along the way." Emma: (Readily:) "Anything you say. (To Mulan:) This is it!" Apprentice: (Offers his hand:) "Shall we?" (Emma walks to the door and waits for Mulan. Mulan smiles then turns to her father.) Mulan: "What are you doing? You have to come with us." Dragon: "No. I cannot leave my daughter." Mulan: (Looking to Emma and the Apprentice:) "Could you give us a minute?" Apprentice: "Of course. We'll leave the door open for you." (The Apprentice motions for Emma to lead the way. Taking a steadying breath, Emma straightens her jacket and then walks through the door into the darkness beyond. With one last nod to Mulan, the Apprentice also leaves the room.) Mulan: (Turns to her father:) "Everything that I am, everything that I became happened because of this moment. (Points to the bedroom door:) For her sake and mine, I am asking you... no I am begging you to do this for me. Please, Father. I have a life back home. Someone I love. You can't take that away from me." (Mulan holds out her hand to her father, her eyes pleading with him. Glancing back at the bedroom door, the Dragon is faced with an impossible decision.)

[arcadialedger]

Merlin: BBC’S Epic Tragedy

WARNING: EXTREME EMOTIONS LIE BELOW PROCEED WITH CAUTION

_________________________________

Oh, Merlin. How I love you. Where do I even begin to describe just how deeply this show impacted me-- how it reached into my heart and made me feel as though only the great epics can. 

One day in the summer of 2016, I was looking for something to do. I was tired of only ever rewatching Doctor Who, and I wanted to try a new show. MY best friend, @shadowqueendiangelo​, had recommended BBC’s Merlin, so I decided to turn it on. 

Little did I know the emotional experience I would go through over the next five days as I marathoned the shows five seasons. Little did I know what this story would come to mean to me as a melancholic catharsis. 

So why did I react so strongly to Merlin emotionally? Well, I’m an INFJ, and I have always said that Merlin is THE show of the INFJ-- both the character himself and the feel of the show in its entirety. It’s deep, contemplative, introspective. IT, UNLIKE MOST FANTASY TELEVISION-- IS CENTERED ON EMOTION. 

But most importantly? The story is a giant tragedy-- to almost Shakespearean levels. One could even argue that, with five seasons, the structure of the show was inspired by Shakespearean tragedies. 

So what makes Merlin a tragedy? 

Even before he was bound to fate, Merlin is the story of a boy who was forced to hide who he was from everyone around him-- even his loved ones. He grew up without a father, his mother viewed his powers as a danger to be hidden and concealed. 

*Merlin totally needs to talk to Elsa but that’s a discussion for another day

The point is, from the moment he was born-- MERLIN WAS TRAINED AND MENTALLY PERSUADED TO BE AFRAID OF WHO HE WAS. Merlin’s life before he leaves Ealdor is a tragedy in itself. He is a boy who is forced to live his life as a life against his will, and due to things out of his control. THIS  ITSELF IS ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM ASHAMED OF HOW HE WAS BORN, AND EMOTIONALLY DRAIN HIM. This facade has overtaken his entire life. 

Then he comes to Camelot, and the real tragedy of his life begins. 

From the moment he steps foot in Camelot’s walls, Merlin is not only in constant fear of his safety, forced to work for a king who he knows would persecute him if he knew the truth of his identity, and continuously forced to lie to all of those around him-- ALL CONTROL AND AGENCY OVER HIS OWN LIFE IS IMMEDIATELY TAKEN OUT OF HIS HANDS BECAUSE HE IS BOUND TO FATE. 

Further, Merlin goes on the form the strongest bonds he has ever made in his life. He meets Arthur, his other half, the other side to his same coin.

And for years he has to live with the fact that the foundation of that friendship is built on a lie.

That he must always hide who he truly is from his best friend who he loves. 

For years he has to live with the fact that if his greatest friend knew the truth about him, he would have him killed.

Close as they are, this will always get in the way of their friendship, until Merlin tells Arthur the truth in 5x13-- shaking, sobbing, and terrified of what his friend will think of the true him. 

BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, IT’S SO HARD TO HIDE YOUR FULL SELF FROM THEM. AND MERLIN IS FORCED TO DO THIS DUE TO A GENERATIONAL PREJUDICE WHICH HE KNOWS, DEEP DOWN, THAT ARTHUR IS GOOD ENOUGH TO SEE THROUGH. 

The thread of that hope is what keeps Merlin going. 

Being forced to lie to, manipulate, and hide your true identity from a loved one is enough of an emotional burden as it is. However, Merlin is not only just forced to live this sad reality. He is forced to do it WHILE SERVING A KING WHO WOULD HAVE HIM KILLED.

Yet, despite knowing that Uther would have him executed, Merlin finds a place in his heart for Uther. Why? Because Uther means so much to Arthur. And that, alone, is enough for Merlin to not only find faith in the king, but the strength to emotionally support Arthur when he loses him, when they fight after learning the truth of Arthur’s birth, etc. That’s incredible. 

Merlin is carrying such a heavy emotional burden already, yet he gladly takes on the weight of all of those he cares about. Because, like the INFJ he is, Merlin will always look our for others while neglecting to take care of himself. Thank goodness for Gaius for providing some support when it comes to his-- not that Gaius’s own insisting on keeping Merlin’s magic a secret and following his destiny doesn’t take its own emotional toll. 

The first moment of the show that I cried, and perhaps my personal favorite episode of the show, is season 2′s The Last Dragonlord. Here, we not only start to see the full depth of Merlin and Arthur’s relationship, as well as Merlin’s undying loyalty to Arthur, but WE WATCH MERLIN BRIEFLY MEET THE FATHER HE ALWAYS LONGED TO KNOW, ONLY TO LOSE HIM MOMENTS AFTER.

To have that thread of hope-- that promise-- snatched out from underneath you-- is nothing short of devastating. Merlin never got the chance to know the man who not only loved his mother but gave him the magic which has for so long ruled over his life. 

Make no mistake, Balinor gave Merlin is a sense of being, an identity. For once, Merlin wasn’t alone. He had a source, a place, a home. He had someone who could know his true and full self and was also like him. 

Then he is forced to watch his father-- that promise, that hope, that newfound sense of identity and reassurance-- die before him, having sacrificed himself to save his life. And even worse-- MERLIN IS NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO GRIEVE, BECAUSE ARTHUR CANNOT KNOW BALINOR WAS HIS FATHER.

The sense of loneliness at this moment is astounding. Merlin is left alone, forced to internalize overwhelming grief and sorrow. He has to hide the suffering of one of the greatest losses a person can endure. 

Yet Merlin continues on-- keeping faith in a king and a kingdom which despises the truth of who he is. He continues on FEELING WORTHLESS AND NOT BEING RECOGNIZED FOR ALL OF THE GOOD THAT HE DOES BECAUSE NOBODY CAN KNOW THE TRUTH.

The fact Merlin still does so much, despite getting no reward for what he does outside of Gaius, is astounding. It’s part of the human condition to need proper acknowledgment of the things we do. It’s against our nature to give and give and give, and get nothing in return. 

Yet, that is exactly what Merlin does. He gives and gives everything for Arthur, for his destiny, and expects nothing in return. Only his own moral soundness. 

It’s because Merlin is so selfless, he does nothing for himself. He works for Arthur. But more importantly, everything he does is for the purpose of his destiny. As stated before, MERLIN HAS LITTLE TO NO COUNTENANCE OVER HIS OWN LIFE. His purpose, and the actions he must take, have been predetermined, as they are a remarkably heavy burden to carry.  

One of the saddest little moments in the show is when Arthur states “You can’t hide anything from me, Merlin, and Merlin responds with four simple words

Merlin is so sad in this moment-- his smile and ton so bittersweet-- because his friend has such faith in him. And Merlin wants to be better-- he wants to be able to live up to Arthur’s word and tell him the truth like they both deserve. But due to preconceived circumstances he just can’t. All of Merlin’s pain, loneliness, and suffering are written by history and prejudices from before he was born, and that he is taking the weight of every day. 

Merlin suffers from emotional trauma because he is forced to lie to his loved ones-- make no mistake. He beats himself up due to something out of his control. 

And time and time again? Merlin loses the few people who knew the truth about him. That he didn’t have to lie to. 

Balinor. 

Lancelot. 

Freya.

The only people Merlin doesn’t have to be ashamed in front of, with whom he is not in a constant moral crisis of identity and honesty, ARE TAKEN FROM HIM BY THE CRUEL HANDS OF FATE. Repeatedly, Merlin’s destiny seems determined for him to be alone outside of Gaius. 

Now, outside of the tragedy of Merlin’s entire existence and emotional turmoil, we move to the tragedy of Arthur’s death. 

Merlin is a servant to both fate and Arthur. He would give anything-- anything-- for Arthur Pendragon. And, in season 5, we see Merlin TRY AND FAIL TO WORK AGAINST FATE AND SAVE HIS FRIENDS LIFE. Yet, destiny seems determined for Merlin to lose the one thing he still truly cares about, the person he loves most and who has driven his purpose most of his life. 

The friend he was done everything he can to save, and he can’t even let him know. He can’t tell him how much he cares. 

The idea of this working against fate first arrives in season3, in one of my favorite episodes-- The Crystal Cave. Here’s we see the entire overarching concepts and themes of destiny in the show, as well as the final season and descent to Arthur’s death-- presented and condensed into an episode-long concept, in which Merlin tries to stop Morgana from killing Uther-- FOR ARTHUR’S SAKE.

Merlin could have easily let Morgana kill Uther, and life would have been so much easier for him. MY God, life would have been so much easier. Arthur would be king, as Merlin has always wanted, and Merlin.

Yet Merlin is once again, selfless, and doesn’t allow either Uther or Morgana to die BECAUSE HE CANNOT STAND THE SIGHT OF ARTHUR’S GRIEF. ONCE AGAIN, EVERYTHING HE DOES IS FOR ARTHUR’S BENEFIT AND NOT HIS OWN. 

We see Merlin, one last desperate time, try to get Arthur to see the good in magic with his decision to heal Uther in The Wicked Day. This is thwarted, however, by Morgana, and Arthur’s hatred of magic is solidified. 

Then we hit season 5, which is just a swan song and spiral of depression, as Merlin is just so, so desperate to save his friend. 

This entire season is, indeed, a swan song to Arthur’s death, but more importantly, a testament to the power of fate, as everything Merlin does ONLY LEADS CLOSER TO ARTHUR’S DEATH.

His choice to not tell Morgana about his magic in season 2, which might have saved her from evil and therefore spared Arthur

His choice to save Morgana, which could have stopped his death in battle had he let her die in season 3.

His choice to not trust Mordred, which Merlin thought was protecting Arthur, but only assured Mordred’s turning and Arthur’s death at the tip of his blade.

As in all tragedies, all roads lead to one inevitable fate, which Merlin is so desperate to stop. The destiny in stone, however,  cannot be rewritten. Every decision Merlin makes ultimately leads them closer to the inevitable fate of Arthur’s death. And thus, Merlin is trapped into a corner of loss. 

And thus, after his best friend-- the man he loves most-- is finally able to know who he truly is, Merlin loses him too. And the tragedy of Merlin’s life is complete. Fate asked him to endure an impossible burden and gave him little in return. 

So why do I love Merlin? It’s poetic, emotional, and yes, beautifully tragic. It delves deep into the heart, mind, morality, and relationships. It warns against the overbearing power of fate.

And I guess I have always been one for the melancholy, dark, and sad. In that regard, I’m a bit of a masochist. I love to linger in the deepest, darkest emotions I can find. 

Depth, nuance, and pure, unfiltered sadness. That is what makes Merlin an epic tragedy. That is why my heart feels heavy and bursts with an ocean of bittersweet love and nostalgia whenever I think about it. 

That is what makes Merlin special.