#before all this was also so funny bc we were trying to find grim and i heard like the start of a sound

[risaonda]

i just remembered this experience we had in lethal company the other day where dimitri and i are in the dine mansion with 2 butlers following us through many many rooms after we saw grim had been killed by one of the two of them and we are just wandering around and decide "we should go back" because both our inventories were full and the rooms just kept going. so we're heading back and the 2 butlers are still following us and there's a nutcracker that's been camping the room we have to go through to get back to the fire exit door and we're waiting for him to finish scouting and a loot bug runs over to us so i drop a key for him (he does not take the key) and the two butlers are in the room again and the nutcracker stops scouting but then kicks dimitri to fucking space when we try to go past him and both butlers immediately turned and just Looked at me an i

[cerealmonster15]

im finding other stuff in my quest to search discord messages so twst doodle dump of various images [from like 2022 and earlier i think] below [a lot of cater/idia and cater/malleus lol] i'd warn u and say it is UGLY!!! but tbh it's probs not that different from stuff i normally post teehee :3

this was one of those aftermath doodles after my friend and i established the running joke of cater and the mysterious marshmallows

lol, in that message i was i think looking back thru older krita docs and reminiscing on things, one of them being how i kept running into malleus/cater everywhere..... i feel like i havent drawn them much lately and that sucks because i still LOVE AND THINK OF THEM OFTEN!!!! theyve been one of my og twst ships lol theyre such a funny combo and i think theyre cute!!!!!!!!!!!!

presses my fingers to the side of my head and tries to remember wtf was going on here... this was def one of those posts that was mostly inside jokes with my friend / riffing off various scenarios we were yes and-ing but im finding them out of context lol... this one has a lot of layers , the coconut banana and marshmallow all meant something but kjfsdhflksdj im not sure id be able to explain it if i tried LOL + im realizing i was already playing w/the idea of cater and leona as a duo way earlier than i remembered lol

what did it MEANNNN like i kind of remember the coconut. friend and i had a lot of jokes of scenarios where regular items would go thru like, either a chain of rumors or the Hit New Magicam Trend Only Some People Know About so like i think coconuts were the icon of DISSATISFACTION or BREAK UPS or something in the way of like, flower languages. except a coconut. i do not remember how or why we got there with coconuts specifically lol. so i feel like the banana was something similar but my friend and i are scratching our heads and dont remember so i just have all these doodles of bitches and their bananas and it means SOMETHING. but i forgot what lol. it's kind of funnier this way tho. ace hitting deuce with a banana doesnt really need context anyway :3

i feel like i posted this one before with either no context or a feeble attempt at explaining it. this is also more like what my handwriting looks like when im not making an active attempt to make it legible lol

okay wait i figured out the banana stuff and it literally didnt even have more context, it was just bc we alwayyyys call savanaclaw bananaclaw [like grim did in book 1 lol] and i was deep in the silly zone soap opera of my malleus/cater agenda vs leona Being There for drama. just like. malleus saying cay smells like bananas -> caters been like, standing near leona in class. that was it LOL i just took the joke and ran around in circles with it for funsies. i do miss when i did more stupid doodles like these jflkdhslgfj my friend and i dont do as much riffing with the sillies tho so i guess less fodder to feed the goofs 😔i feel like i need to relax and let loose again more lollll anyway!!! im still on the marshmallow hunt

heres cay on a sticky note w/the marshmallow.......

i would also like to know caycay. also TYPO SPOTTED

he is the marshmallow source. but still not the og doodle

bug eyed idia jumpscare but hes kinda cute w/his lil marshmallow lol. i still love a tiny guy with huge eyes teehee

OOH I FOUND THE WHITE DAY DOODLES except i drew these in feb lol like the day after valentines lol. an everyone has a crush on caycay scenario i think??? because i love my son and showing favoritism

okay let's unpack that and by unpack i mean me yapping about what i think was the context.......... tbh i dont remember much LOL it seems i was trying to learn what white day was bc i really mostly just knew about it from harvest moon

and this bit from wikipedia kickstarted MARSHMALLOWS. it seems i was looking that up too bc i'd wanted to just draw cater ships for valentines day for funsies!!! but then i didnt bc i was in a MOOD of some sort, maybe i just didnt like what i was drawing that day, and i was like "ok whatever ill avenge myself on white day i guess" and then i suppose i didnt do that bc i ended up drawing ^ all of that the next day lol i immediately changed my mind

except i found this which i DID draw on valentiens day

teehee i just drew them yesterday....... but anyway back to the situation at hand!!

i was drawing cay with various boyos and i think it was something like

cater unaware of all the soap opera pining, hes the otome star or whatever on this white day or valentines day lol

cater/leona - the start of this [i think] btw was when engtwst dropped, ive talked about it before but just the word choice in book 2 when they had cater go "leona, sweetheart, blah blah blah" my friend and i were like SWEETHEART?? and we always just call them the forbidden sweetheart au. that localization choice did irreversible things to my brain chemistry lol.

idia leaving cater a giant marshmallow secretly. hes unaware cater doesnt like sweet things, but idia himself is a big sweets fan, hes lurking behind the tree to make sure cay received it but doesnt wanna be SEEN

trey is i think giving cater a quiche and caters just glad it's not a candy lol

malleus giving cater a milkshake, and i think he's referencing the first fic i ever wrote of them together where cater taught malleus what a milkshake was and brought him to heartslabyul to make one for him. it's also the second twst fic i ever posted fdsghdskj throwback.... in this image jade is also starting to appear in the background

rook sending cater a card with LOVE via one of his fuckass arrows. in the way i think he did in book 5 when he was letting the vdc contestants know they passed? i think he did it that way right?? sometimes i think i made that up or am confusing it with fanfiction but im... pretty sure he did that..... like im p sure thats why i did it here too lol so surely that is the case. jade is still lurking in the background

cater is clinging to riddle and is expressing his confusion and distress of all the weird attention he's been getting today!!! riddle is holding a box he is also about to give cater bc teehee i've been on that cater/riddle grind FOREVER!!! jade is getting closer.

deuce and ace with their lil puppylove crushes or something i think lol, maybe they just think upperclassman caycay's cute and friendly lol. idr if they gave him a gift or if cater was just being cater calling them cute lol. JADE.........

vil also gave cater a gift, earrings i guess, and is the only one to notice and acknowledge jade now that he is Right There Directly Behind Cater Waiting To Be Noticed

jade finally gives cater his gift via opening his bag of items and dumping various mushrooms and seashells on him lol. he collected all the white ones to be on theme maybe if this was white day??? or maybe it was just JADES MUSHROOMS + our other running joke about the merfolk gifting shells to people they want to date lol

cater comes back to trey and is like omg im so glad ur boring trey today was too WEIRD!!!!!!

lol......... okay that is ENOUGH of a look into my mind palace!!! i really do miss my low stakes doodles where i was only sometimes afraid of being cringe but i was mostly just doodling jokes with my friend lol. no worries about being too off the rails or nothin just party time!!! i mean i would sometimes still get embarrassed bc of How I Am As A Person LOL but. it was a lot less fjksdhgkdsfj we gotta go back to our roots boys. we gotta draw cater soap opera marshmallow reboot. i have to draw fanart of my own stupid fanart and revive my WHIMSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[avengersassemble-fics]

New Perspective

part 03/?? “there’s no you and me”

masterlist

previous part // next part

word count 5k

an: oops. we find out some interesting stuff in this chapter, and see things from steve’s side a bit. ALSO RENATA WAS THE NAME OF PIERCE’S HOUSEKEEPER SO I USED THAT I thought it was funny bc... well ya know, ties this all pretty in a bow lmao. Renata deserved better! also... don’t worry, we will see what’s been going down with the unnamed ex husband soon :) TW; talks of a panic attack.

Normally news like this for someone like you would have made them ecstatic, and full of life. Given the amount of time and effort (and albeit money) that went in to try to even make something like this happen would have made you jump for joy. But the person you were two months ago and the person you were today were two almost different people. Well.. Okay, not totally different but different enough to think ‘What the fuck. What the fuck. Is this real life?’

Indeed it was, as the doctor told you. Three times to be exact. And even leaving their office you couldn’t completely believe it, even though you knew it to be true. It was like two parts of yourself were arguing with one another on who was right, the doctor or the fear that filled your chest. But when you found yourself outside the new location of your soon-to-be-ex husbands apartment, you knew the rational side of yourself had won this battle.

Two things didn’t go as you expected that day. The doctor's revelations, and then the reaction you received from your ex. Just how you said earlier that you weren’t a totally changed person in the now two months you’ve been separated, you did what you had come to know of yourself. You isolated yourself from the world. You ignored the texts and calls from your friends, ignored the message you glanced at from your new divorce attorney, and laid down in your bed and stared at the ceiling. You had managed to doze off a couple of times, but they were empty rests. You woke up with burning eyes and an estranged look each time without fail.

So when the familiar giggles and other unthoughtful sounds started to seep through your shared wall, you were up and out of the room before you could hear any more. Even after coming to rest on the couch you could hear the taps of something hitting the wall on the other side and god damn it you didn’t want to hear it. You were pulling open the door that led to your little stairs and in a matter of seconds you were sitting in your usual spot, trying to feel as much cool air as you could.

Your chest felt like it was heavier, more fragile. Each breath you took worked to calm the tension that had built in not only your shoulders and back, but in your heart. The air came in deep, and exhaled just as much. Your eyes fixated on the edge of the building as tears began to build behind your gaze. You hadn’t even heard the now familiar footsteps that came from behind you.

You and Steve only interacted on those two occasions, and it was dumbfounding why he still chose to come out here after his excursions with your neighbor. There was no rooftop dinner this time, or at least there was no remnants of it on your journey up here, so what was the excuse this time for his intrusion on your pity party?

When Steve came around the edge of the seat you always occupied, and that he would join you on, he didn’t even notice your disheveled appearance. He had walked past and to the edge, peering at something down below that you (obviously) couldn’t see.

“Every time I find you out here, I worry you’re really thinking about jumping ya know,” Steve joked. Or tried to joke, you didn’t think it was all that funny right now. “Gotta check and make sure-”

His sentence was cut off short when he turned back to face you and inevitably saw the look on your face, and your deadset eyes. With the sudden silence you pulled your gaze from the cement and met his, and saw his smile fall. Steve saw the wetness that hung on your lower lashes, and gulped down the knot that had formed at the back of his throat. You averted your attention back to something other than him, and Steve took a step closer to you.

“You’re kinda worrying me, angel,” he said. His steps brought him closer until he was easing himself next to you, on the edge respectfully as he always did, and your eyes fluttered to glance at him for only a moment. “Is everything okay?”

You opened your mouth to reply, but nothing came out. You closed your mouth and instead offered a simple shrug of your shoulders. Steve glanced over you and the pajamas that covered you from the brisk chilly air, and sighed a bit.

“Do I need to beat someone up?” He asked, and rested his arms on his legs to lean forward towards you. “Ya know I’ve never liked bullies. Did someone.. Do something to you? Have they hurt you?”

“Jesus, no. No one-” you finally spoke and trailed off. A hint of relaxation fell over Steve’s eyes at the sound of your voice. You let out a deep sigh and looked to the ground. Steve lowered his head a bit so he could see the side of your face.

“Gotta tell me what’s wrong,” he whispered. “Or else I won’t know how to help you-”

“I’m pregnant,” you blurted in a whisper. Steve’s mouth went from a shocked expression to a closed, grim look. You looked over at him to see his stare and shrugged your shoulders. “Don’t see how you can help with that. Or would even want to.”

Steve was used to these kinds of comments. In fact, they were always true when spoken from the women who said them to him. But he couldn’t help but feel a pang of hurt when you said something that, in hindsight, was true. If Steve had happened upon someone in this state, and if they were unlikely to fall under his charm or even reveal something like this, he would be gone in an instant.

You weren’t just someone though.

Steve looked up to meet your gaze and he gave you a smile. “I’ll tell you what, angel,” he shifted so he could face you better and you straightened your position at his moves, a bit intrigued. “Let’s make this a permanent thing. Anytime I’m around, we can still sit up here, and talk. And I’ll be here every time you need me. Every time.”

You glanced over him and narrowed your eyes a bit after taking in his thoughtful composure. “Why..?”

“Because despite your glowing opinion of me,” Steve joked and it finally got you to roll your eyes and crack a smile. He couldn’t help but grin at the action. “I do care. Can’t have a pretty girl like you all sad and mopey like you were.”

“How will you know when I need you?” You asked, and fiddled with your fingers in your lap. Steve reached over and grabbed ahold of your fidgeting digits, and gave your hands a slight squeeze.

“I’ll just know,” he said and smiled. You looked him over once more before giving him a small smile back, and Steve nodded as he released his grip on you. “Besides, I’ll be able to hear you crying through the wall if I don’t become your personal therapist.”

You scoffed and hit his arm with the back of your hand. Steve chuckled at your playful movement and a comfortable silence fell over you two. He could tell just by your composure you were a little more at ease, but he knew something was still on your mind. So he did something he hasn’t done before. Steve moved so he too could rest against the back cushion, and he was side by side with you now. He laced his fingers together in his lap and then looked over at you, and bumped your shoulder with his gently.

“Come on, tell me what’s on your mind,” he offered. “I thought this was what you wanted? Granted it doesn’t fix the affair.. But it finally happened. Isn’t that good?”

“Under different circumstances? It would be perfect,” you chuckled a bit at yourself and shook your head. “But he cheated.. He left.. And he doesn’t want anything to do with it. ‘There’s no you and me’, he said.”

Steve shook his head to himself and rolled his eyes. This guy sounded like a complete asshole. Steve couldn’t bring himself to understand how any man would do this to someone like you. “The more I hear about this guy, the more of an idiot he sounds like.. Do you want me to go teach him some manners?”

“Oh what, because you don’t like bullies?” You have let out a chuckle between the words and bobbed your head a bit at him in a mocking tone, and Steve grinned a bit.

“Damn right I don’t like bullies,” he mimicked you and bobbed his head in your direction and you genuinely laughed at him. Your laughter echoed over the street and between the buildings and Steve found himself staring. When you finally quieted down to giggles and met his gaze again, he snapped out of it.

“But really.. He was just as involved in the process,” Steve said and motioned his hand over you. “I say you take him for a ride, get everything from him.”

“I don’t want everything,” you said a bit quieter. “You know what I want the most?”

A question Steve has heard a great number of times from women, and he always knew the answer. But he found himself leaning in a little closer to hear yours. “What do you want the most?”

���To feel like me again,” you said with a slight shrug and looked up to meet his look.

Steve blinked a couple times as your words sunk in for him. It became a bit more clear in that moment for him that he hung onto your every word like it was the last thing he would ever hear in his life. It wasn’t long after those words were said did you excuse yourself to go back to the confines of your apartment. Steve could tell even when you gave him one final look before disappearing behind your door that you were still upset. But there wasn’t much more he could do, once you were in your apartment, that was it. He had to go.

He never stayed over at Sharon’s. He always left a note and gave some kind of excuse about needing to be ready for work and he didn’t want to wake her, but it was honestly bullshit. He could admit that, and he thinks a small part of Sharon knew that too. Steve would slip out and give a small tug on the door to make sure it had indeed locked behind him, and then make his way to the stairs and bounce down them as normal. That night he paused outside your door and smiled to himself before continuing on his way.

Steve didn’t know why he had become entranced with the woman he was sleeping with’s neighbor. But as a week passed, he sat in the same spot he had once before on Bucky’s couch, holding a beer, and zoned out of whatever his friend was trying to talk to him about. Bucky ran a hand through his hair and his gaze fell upon his best friend, who stared thoughtfully out the window. He stopped in the middle of his sentence and rolled his eyes, leaning back against the couch and tossing an arm over the back.

“Steve?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, Buck,” Steve said absent-mindedly.

“Do you agree that I should throw this bottle at you?”

“Yeah, of course, whatever you say,” Steve replied. Bucky scoffed and grabbed one of the pillows near him and chucked it at his friend, hitting him smack in the face. Steve blinked at the pillow that hit his face then bounced to the floor, and looked at his friend who was all but glaring. “What?”

“Dude, what’s going on with you lately?” Bucky asked. Steve shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his drink.

“No come on, seriously. Are you seeing someone new? You have this look that I haven’t seen since-”

“Don’t go there, Buck,” Steve warned. Bucky raised his free hand in compliance and Steve sighed a bit. He glanced at his watch and Bucky rolled his eyes a bit.

“You seem eager to go see what’s her name,” Bucky commented in an attempt to change the subject.

“Sharon,” Steve corrected him and Bucky shrugged. There was a rattle at the door and in a couple quick seconds it opened to reveal Bucky’s new “partner” (as he called it), Connie. She looked over at the duo on the couch, and Steve noted the irritance in her eyes. With Bucky not getting up to greet her like normal, he was unsure if that look was directed towards him, or his friend. Connie audibly tossed her keys and bag onto the table near the door and with a huff, ascended the stairs and a few moments later, a door slammed.

“Fuck Bucky, what did you do?” Steve asked and Buck rolled his eyes and motioned towards the stairs.

“She’s been losing it ever since my ex showed up here,” Bucky explained and scoffed. “She’s pissy I didn’t toss her out as soon as we got home from lunch. God damn Renata let her in and she was sitting there just waiting,” Bucky motioned to where Steve now sat.

“Well why didn’t you toss her out?” Steve asked and a frown formed over Bucky’s face.

“Because I know her. And if she dared to come here, then something was going on,” Bucky casted his eyes down to the ground and took another sip from his drink. Steve raised his brow and scooted forward a bit to look at his friend.

“Buck, what’s going on?” Steve asked and Bucky sighed, but Steve noticed a hesitation as he recouped himself, that same carefree look on his face.

“Nothing we need to worry about, Steve. She won’t be coming around anymore,” Bucky said. Steve scoffed.

“For your sake, I hope not,” Steve said and finished the last bit of his drink.

That night things didn’t go.. Well. Steve didn’t perform his best, and he did not want to get into the details of it. He was distracted and even with all the very very nice work Sharon put in, his mind kept drifting to someone else. When Sharon cuddled into him Steve panicked, profusely sweating until she lulled herself to sleep and he carefully removed himself from her grasp. He needed air, fast. Steve threw his clothes back on, and it felt even more constricting. The long sleeved button up shirt, the trousers, he felt hot and uncomfortable.

Steve climbed those steps, pushed open the top, and gasped for air. His eyes looked around and he saw movement from the chair, and your head popped out from the side. Once you looked him over Steve stood there dumbfounded as you stood, and walked over to him with a concerned look on your face.

“Steve?” You questioned and he shook his head. You carefully grabbed one of his arms and placed a hand against his bearded face to adjust his view to you. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Steve’s chest heaved and fell as he tried to catch his breath and you looked to the door that led to your apartment. When your gaze went back to him and saw him pull at his collar and you took a little step towards your door. “Do you trust me?”

Steve looked you over, and before he knew it he was nodding his head. You kept your hand on him, now holding onto his hand as you gently pulled him towards the door you always disappeared behind. Steve blinked as his vision began to grow hazy, and he stumbled a bit when his feet landed wrong on one of the steps. You were quick though, so observant of him and nestled yourself into his side. When Steve was finally able to continue, you helped him down step by step as he braced himself against the wall. He was heavy, he knew he was, so he had to help you help him.

Once past the stairs and a door you veered him into a dark room, but it was soon brightened when you flipped a switch. Steve squinted a bit as he adjusted to the new lighting, and you were easing him down onto a soft surface. A bed. He could tell it was a bed. But then you disappeared from his side and he panicked a bit again.

You weren’t gone long. Before Steve knew it you were kneeling in front of him, and pressing soft clothes into his hands. Steve looked down at his lap and saw what you were handing him. A change of clothes, he can do that. Steve pulled the tucked in shirt from his pants and his hands went to the buttons that lined it and tried to undo them. His hands shook and he huffed at the inability to get them undone, he was stuck. He was stuck in this goddamn hot and uncomfortable clothes.

Your hands brushed over his and Steve stopped to watch. You met his eyes and gave a sweet smile, and undid a couple of the buttons before you paused. “Is this okay?”

Steve nodded. God, yes, just get it off, he wanted to beg you. You nodded and slowly undid the rest. You didn’t want to startle him, and Steve just watched as you undid every single button until the shirt hung open. Steve moved to peel the shirt back and down his arms and set the shirt by his side. When he looked back to your face you were holding the new shirt once more, and passed Steve the soft cotton fabric. Once he took it you stood from your place and let him have some room to slide it over his body.

In this state, Steve was grateful that you weren’t ogling him. When he got the shirt over his chest he looked over the blue fabric and up to your eyes. You looked at him with something he hadn’t seen in the longest time. You were worried about him. Steve looked down at his still trembling hands and you sat carefully next to him. Steve glanced at you on his side and you reached over and put your hand over his. He sucked in a sharp breath and the trembling stopped at the touch.

You let Steve stay like this until his breathing evened itself out. He went from letting you hold his hand to running his thumb over your skin. It gave him something to focus on to calm himself down, and you had eventually placed another hand on his arm. Steve took a deep even breath and then looked over at you, who was watching him pensively. You offered him a smile and rubbed his arm a bit.

“Would you like some water?” You asked him. Steve nodded, unable to bring himself to verbally answer due to the dryness of his throat. You whispered a little okay and stood from your spot by his side and walked to the hallway, but paused when you reached the door frame before looking at him once more. “If you want to change into those sweats, you’re more than welcome to.”

Steve nodded and you gave him another smile before disappearing fully. After a few moments another light came on elsewhere, and Steve looked at the sweats you had rested on the edge of the bed for him. Steve stood, and changed from the dress pants to the sweats, all while listening to you click around in the kitchen. Once Steve was fully changed, he slowly walked out of the room and into the open area.

Steve took the chance to take in these foreign surroundings. As he walked along the wall into the living room he looked over the rather barren walls. He could tell things had hung there previously given the little nails in the plaster, and the ones that remained showcased you, and what he assumed were friends and family. If there was any trace of a man, it was completely wiped out of your photos. That’s probably why these looked older, he frowned at the idea. When he completely circled the room he turned back to the kitchen and found you watching him. You were filling up a couple glasses with water from a pitcher and smiled at him. Steve cleared his throat and motioned around.

“Gotta say these pictures don’t do you justice,” Steve said and you chuckled a bit. You walked around the kitchen and came over to him and handed one his way. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” you said and went to sit on the couch. Steve watched as you nestled yourself against a corner and sat on one of your legs. Steve carefully moved to sit next to you and you sipped away at the water and watched him. Steve drank the cold water and let out a satisfied sigh.

“Steve?” You asked. He looked over at you and you smiled timidly. “Is everything okay?”

Steve chuckled a bit. He leaned forward to put his cup down on a coaster and then leaned back with his arm draping over the back of the couch. “A friend of mine just.. Reminded me of something I try often to forget.”

You seemed to think over his words and Steve watched as you mimicked his movements and set your glass down and moved to look at him. “You remember how you told me a week or so ago, that you would be there for me when I needed you?”

Steve laughed and nodded. “I do. Why-”

“Well right now, you need me,” you cut him off. You rested your hands in your lap and nodded. “So.. I’m here.”

Steve’s smile fell and he cast his gaze down to his own hands in his lap. His hesitation created a silence that hung in the room heavily, and to yourself you frowned as you watched him fiddle with his own fingers.

“When I moved to London, I met the most amazing person,” Steve started to explain. You looked up at the side of his face to watch him talk. “She was brilliant, strong, and didn’t need anyone to tell her who she was or what to do. And she was the first person who looked at me like.. Like I meant something. Like I wasn’t just some number, or some thing. I was Steve Rogers.

“We were together for almost five years. And then.. Peggy, that was her name, she got sick. She couldn’t breathe right, couldn’t keep food or water down, and it just.. It ate her away. Made her too weak. And then one day she just couldn’t fight it anymore.”

Steve hadn’t looked at you the whole time he spoke. He couldn’t tell when you had gotten close enough to hold his hand in yours but he was glad you did. He looked over at you and you were staring at him with sad eyes. You understood him now, you saw Steve Rogers. You were getting a glimpse into the man behind the antics and charade. And he hadn’t shown anyone that side of him since Peggy passed.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” you whispered to him and Steve shook his head.

“It’s okay, angel,” he said and you rubbed your thumb over his hand. “Sometimes we lose the people we love the most. It’s what we do with ourselves after that matters the most.. So I wrote about her, about us.”

“That sounds.. Beautiful, Steve,” you told him and Steve shrugged.

“I never finished it, if I’m being honest with you,” Steve said and offered a small smile.

“Why not?” You asked.

“Because..” Steve trailed off, and shook his head a bit. You nodded in understanding and stifled back a yawn.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Steve said when he noticed your small yawn. He was quick to pull his hand from yours and rubbed his legs. “You should be in bed-”

“Steve,” you warned and he raised a brow. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Deflect. You’re deflecting.” You said to him and Steve looked you over.

“I’m being thoughtful,” Steve countered and you hit his arm.

“You’re being hard headed,” you said and Steve shrugged. “But thank you.. For sharing that with me.”

“Only you, angel,” Steve smiled and you rolled your eyes again.

“Steve if you leave.. Are you going to be alright?” You asked him. Steve’s playful looks fell and you once again saw that vulnerability again.

“I don’t know,” Steve answered honestly. You nodded a bit and stood, offering your hand to him.

“Then come on,” you said. Steve looked from your hand to your face and raised a brow.

“Where.. Are we going?” He asked and you laughed a bit.

“To bed. You need to get some sleep.”

Steve’s grin came back and he carefully grabbed your hand. “You’re taking me to bed?”

Steve had stood up as he spoke and you narrowed your eyes at him, though he knew you were only joking. “Keep it up Rogers.”

“Alright, alright,” Steve chuckled as you led him back to your bedroom and flicked the lights off along the way. You released him hand and moved to one side of the bed and he took the other. You were quick to get under the covers and watched Steve as he got into the other side of the bed and he settled in next to you with a content sigh. When Steve was settled into the soft sheets he glanced your way and noticed your look.

“What?” he asked this time. You shook your head and looked up at the ceiling.

“No one has slept there in almost three months now.” You admitted. Steve looked at you again and shook his head.

“He’s an idiot,” Steve commented and you shrugged a bit, readjusting yourself and resting a hand over your stomach.

“Sometimes we lose the people we love the most. It’s what we do with ourselves after that matters the most,” you repeated to him. Steve looked you over in the darkness. He looked you over from the hand that rested just up above your head, down the outline of your face, over the even breathing in your chest, and stopped at the hand that rested over your stomach. Though he couldn’t see it, he knew what you were referring to.

Steve let sleep come over him. For the first time in months, he fell asleep soundly and didn’t stir one bit throughout the night. Steve felt at peace after finally sharing that part of him with someone, and his stirless night showed that.

- - - - - - - - - -

tag list - message me to be added, or feel free to add yourself!

@feelmyroarrrr​ @chewymoustachio​ @weasleyisourjedi​ @americasass91​ @aerynchromie​ 

[sapphicomenn]

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS

“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??

what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS

ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??

the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL

LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.

“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU

GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA

WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT

tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-

oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP

oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.

oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve

“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not

aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS

*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”

awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI

the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man

FLOATING WATER BASE

back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.

now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS

i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?

oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????

“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-

blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.

CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS

HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu

“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?

“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO

if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying

“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor

loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong

tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS

“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”

“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think

“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK

“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man

“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS

why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules

“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D

oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.

mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL

HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS

WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably

“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong

guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(

OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT

loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair

HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY

*B O N K*

hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT

CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER

COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

glass cage go brrrrr

HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys

im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.

thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK

tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO

wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???

o hi loki welcome to stark tower

“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”

“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE

HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window

oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.

BROTHER FIGHT

CHAOS EVERYWHERE

PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN

what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.

SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR

yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?

cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA

“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”

“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street

“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.

the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up

“and hulk. . . smash.”

LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???

i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground

hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK

i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.

“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome

loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS

HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”

oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/

yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.

TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS

tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?

and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ

STAN LEEE

the people love em. yey

council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??

“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3

*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins

once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it

[neurodecadence]

Sorry in advance bc I don't think I've subjected you to this before but Do The Prime Numbers

the only apology I need is for making me remember maths

2 (cause one doesn't count as a prime, right? I never got why though) "what's your favorite horror subgenre?" I love found footage. I know it's cliched and dumb, all that jazz, but I love the whole cinema verite (to sound pretentious) vibes of the whole thing. I know it's fake, I know the undead didn't kill a whole town in southern texas, I know a monster didn't destroy new york, I know there's not an asylum in toronto haunted by the ghosts of patients subjected to satanic abuse (actually considering the history of asylums, you never know on that one) but it FEELS real, like I'm seeing something I'm not supposed to. The low budget only amplifies the joy for me.

3 "you're planning a horror movie marathon with your friends - which movies are you picking?" Grave Encounters (love the genius locii/house of leaves stuff going on there), Halloween (classic), Southbound (great anthology horror, highly recommend), and capping it off with Evidence, so we can all go to bed going "what the FUCK did you just put in front of me"

4 "you can go back in time and watch a horror movie of your choice on its premiere - which movie are you going to see?" Alien, the first one. I'd kill to be there for the chestburster scene for the FIRST TIME EVER, it's not even a question

5 "if you were a character in a horror movie, what kind of movie would it be? what kind of character would you be? what would be your fate?" It's a found footage, and I'm the camera holder's best pal and genre savvy, funny sidekick. I make it through most of the movie, my jokes breaking the tension (even if I do get yelled at in an important character building scene for making light of the situation, where I break down and explain it's cause I'm frightened too). Late in the film it's just me, the camera holder, and their love interest, a chance to escape appears, but the threat is just behind us; someone is going to have to make a final stand to let the others go. The main character say's they'll do it, but I stop them and tell them I won't let them, they need to get out of here. My final lines are "You know me, this is always how I've wanted to go out, keeping my best friend safe and looking like a total badass" As they flee the camera is turned back, showing flashes of light, banging, and me yelling cliches and one liners at the monsters I beat back, until a strangled cry, and then nothing.

7 "answer for real life vs if you were a slasher movie character: a murder has occurred. somebody you knew, though only in passing, got knifed by some psycho killer and the whole town is in shock. the school fool has taken it upon themselves to throw a party in the midst of all of this, "to celebrate life", as they say. - you get an invitation but are you going to the party?"

Fuuuuuuck no, and not just cause I'm not a party kind of gal in the first place (well, maybe a chill drinks and background music kinda shindig). I'm also encouraging people I know to not go, cause it's genuinely pretty disrespectful, might invite some friends so we can share any memories we have and share a quiet evening. In real life, that's about where it ends, probably. In a slasher, we probably get knifed BEFORE the big party, one of us makes it out, runs to the party covered in blood yelling about the killer, causing a panic that only makes things worse when the stabbing starts. You just can't win when you got a Jason type bastard on the loose, can you?

11 "answer for real life vs if you were a slasher movie character: you escaped the killer but your friends are still stuck on their hunting ground, hiding and running for their lives. do you go back for them?"

Hell yeah I do! I'm running that cunt down with my car (which would probably be a prius everyone else made fun of earlier, making it more dramatically and comedically satisfying). IRL, the killer is now pavement jam. In a film, we might have a problem.

13 "you're offered the chance to privately talk to a horror villain of your choice, currently kept secure in a government facility. your safety during the encounter is guaranteed. do you take the offer? and if you do, who do you pick? why?"

No, I can't think of any that could tell me anything I'm, like, desperate to know. Anything worth that effort. Maybe Pinhead, to ask about the cosmology of the world, but he'd probably say some shit that made me go mad and, like, die horribly. Also I don't think I'm smart enough to "get" it.

17 "would you rather have chucky try and transfer his soul into your body or have the sawyer family try and put you on their dinner table?"

Sawyers. You never win VS that bastard doll, but leatherface is still human. Barely, but still.

19 "the asker gets to make up a would-you-rather question of their own."

Apparently the question was "do you wanna see if you can remember the primes, or ignore it and not risk embarrassing yourself" The answer is that I have very little pride or shame left, and I like answering questions too much to ignore it c:

23 "what are some things that give you the total creeps? places, items, even certain times that you try to avoid whenever possible?"

So, okay, it's well known that I'm a brainweird bitch (read: legitimately mentally ill, but trying to be cool about it), but also sometimes I just... See shit. I know logically it's probably visual hallucinations, or memory problems, pareidolia, or a sensible explanation for deja vu. BUT There is SOME shit I have seen that I can't ignore. Houses that don't make sense no matter how I look at them, the moonwatcher, catghosts, and that one thing I will not talk about because I just know in the back of my skull that it doesn't like being noticed. A lot of these are benevolent, or just not paying attention (the catghosts in particular are very chill, if a little bothersome some days), but there are some I will go out of my way to avoid or ignore. Maybe I'm being silly, hell, almost definitely, but I don't care. I don't want to poke at things I don't understand, only to find out it was a sleeping bear.

29 "29. are you dressing up this halloween?"

Shit I don't know if I'll get the chance. If I do.... Oh! I got it! I'm gonna go as my own corpse, being wheeled around in my wheelchair by my pal dressed as an evil spooky nurse! Grim, spooky, kinda funny when I stop playing dead and perk up to go "The punch is fantastic, by the way!", AND I get to have gruesome blood and injuries all over- it's perfect!

31 "make a list: halloween preparation shopping list."

Halloween ain't such a big thing down here in Aotearoa, sadly. I like to make a deal of it, but no one else does. Still, candy for handing out, a mix of some cheap bulk mix kids can get a handful of, and some nicer mini candy bars I can hand out one at a time. Costume supplies, fake cobwebs, and some other lil decorations. I'd love to own a house and go all out for it one year, but for now I can be content with the lil paper skeleton I have hanging in my room.

37 "it's halloween! the clock strikes midnight and at the edge of town, a witch is trying to summon you. what items will she need for the spell to work?"

I mean it's halloween, and it's a witch, so she's already mostly done. Aside from that... A plastic skull, A dvd copy of a crappy horror film, a 2 liter of sugar free coke, a crystal bell, and a chunk of rose quartz. AND a smooch- no way am I passing up that chance!

Thank you for all these questions, I had an absolute blast answering these!

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[tsunflowers]

anime featuring adult women

there are a lot of great female characters in anime, but sometimes it feels like they’re all supporting characters in shows about men or they haven’t graduated high school yet. I wanted to compile a list of some anime with adult women front and center

kidou keisatsu patlabor on tv:

in the sci-fi future as imagined in 1988, human-piloted robots called labors are used regularly by all kinds of people, including criminals. to combat labor crime, the police develop a special unit of patrol labors—patlabor. instead of following the prestigious division one, we follow a cast of quirky characters in second-string division two, as they solve cases ranging from mundane to dangerous to paranormal

izumi noa, and why I love her:

she’s incredibly strong-willed and stubborn. she’ll stand up to anyone. she’s obsessed with labors, not just piloting them herself but repairing them and learning about new developments in the field. even though division two is primarily men and there is the “men at work” vibe of so much military and police fiction, noa fits in easily with the guys and no one excludes her. the few times people do question her skills bc of her gender, they’re immediately shut down

other women in the cast:

nagumo shinobu, the captain of division one. we never actually see her or her unit at work, but they have a great reputation. I just love her bc she’s very funny always shutting down the captain of division two and I like that in-universe there are women in leadership roles like this

kanuka clancy, a visiting cop from new york. her relationship with noa is very strong, definitely shippable. she’s adept with a gun, a sword, and a giant robot. she’s the serious member of the team who yells at the others for being dumb but there are still times where she goes completely off the rails and ignores the law to do what she knows is right

wotakoi: love is hard for otaku:

momose narumi is an office worker and a fujoshi. she wants to keep the fujoshi part a secret this time around because things went south for her at her last job once people found out she was an otaku, but it turns out several of her new coworkers are fellow nerds. most importantly, her game-loving childhood friend hirotaka works at the same company, and the two of them reconnect as friends… and soon more than friends. it’s a romance drama involving only nerds

momose narumi, and why I love her:

she’s a lot like your standard high school girl protagonist who runs out of the house because she’s late for school, but this time she’s late for work. she’s really funny and straightforward, except she thinks she has to hide that side of her at her job. she and hirotaka have a great childhood friends to lovers relationship. she’s kind of rude to him but he adores her (though he’s kind of bad at showing it). I love a cheerful girl/serious guy romance that’s done well and I think this one really is

other women in the cast:

koyanagi hanako, narumi’s new coworker who’s a fellow fujoshi. she’s also a cosplayer, specifically a crossplayer who specializes in cosplaying as handsome guys. she and narumi only met each other under their fandom nicknames before, but they were big fans of each other and hit it off instantly when they meet at work. they’re cute friends even if they always argue about who tops in their ships

psycho-pass:

in a futuristic society, people’s mental health is constantly measured by “psycho-pass” readings which track their emotional state and judge the likelihood that they will commit a crime. naive rookie cop tsunemori akane leads a team of enforcers, people who are considered “latent criminals” too dangerous to live in normal society but who are still useful to the police. akane develops a close relationship with enforcer kougami shinya in particular, but kougami has his own intense relationship with the elusive criminal makishima shogo. as the team of detectives investigate him, they uncover secrets about the system they never wanted to learn and their fates become entwined with makishima’s

psycho-pass is written by urobuchi gen (madoka magica, fate/zero) and if you’re familiar with him you know what to expect. the show is pretty grim and gory. content warnings for rape, violence, gore, body horror, police violence, the predatory lesbian trope, forced institutionalization, and probably a lot of other things I can’t remember. not a light watch, is what I’m saying

tsunemori akane, and why I love her:

she’s incredibly principled. she sticks to what she believes is right despite immense pressure. it’s precisely because she’s naive and doesn’t understand the system that she is able to fight against it. she grows a huge amount over the course of the series but she never loses her compassion or her sense of right and wrong. she’s pretty badass too

other women in the cast:

karanomori shion, a lab analyst at the public safety bureau. she’s your typical sexy and flirtatious anime character but I think her position within the setting is interesting. although she’s categorized as a “latent criminal” unfit for society, she seems to be valued more than the enforcers. she’s also bisexual and dating a woman, though she plays into the “bisexuals can’t settle down” trope a little. she is not actually the best character or peak representation but I’m pretty attached to her and a certain type of woman will be too

kunizuka yayoi, a lesbian former musician and the only female enforcer. she’s shion’s girlfriend. there is a predatory lesbian character in this series, but it’s not kunizuka. I think her being a lesbian is handled pretty well. she has romantic and sexual relationships with women that are important to her, but she doesn’t hate men or flirt with every woman she meets (traits I hate to see in lesbian characters written by men). she’s really serious and calm but still cute and I love to see her growing respect for akane over the course of the show

death parade:

two people wake up in a strange bar with no memory of how they got there. a mysterious man with white hair named decim and his assistant, a woman known only as “the black haired woman,” ask them to play a game. the games are both absurd and dangerous, and as the contestants play them dark sides of themselves are revealed. decim’s job is to judge them based on their behavior while playing the games, but the black haired woman’s influence causes him to wonder if he’s doing the right thing

like it says in the title, the anime deals with the topic of death, and death by suicide comes up as well. I don’t remember everyone’s backstories but I think violence and abuse come up several times. there are also mannequins that move around on marionette strings which is kind of freaky

the black haired woman, and why I love her:

it might be wrong to say that she’s the main character when she isn’t introduced until the end of the first episode and her name isn’t revealed for half the show but listen. she’s the emotional core of the show and the person who sets the events in motion. she’s a very emotional person and that’s her strength. her relationship with decim is the classic “woman teaches cold-hearted man to feel” trope but I think it’s an outstanding example bc it centers her emotional experience and the two of them are not explicitly in a romantic relationship. I’ve been trying to avoid spoilers but for her it’s almost unavoidable. I love the way that her story is slowly revealed over the course of the show culminating in an incredible sequence in episode 11. I think her depression is handled so well too. it’s heartbreaking

other women in the cast:

nona, the boss of the arbiters. she’s a schemer who knows a whole lot of things she’s keeping from everyone else. I really like her outfit above all else. baggy pants with suspenders… a great look

mayu, a high school girl who is a contestant in one of the games. she tries to be cutesy but is prone to anger and makes incredible faces. I like that she’s an obsessive fangirl character who’s played for humor but is also shown as being noble and sympathetic

sakura quest:

koharu yoshino is a woman who moved to tokyo to find a job but has no luck. when she finally gets a job offer, it’s to become “queen for a day” of rural manoyama village. upon arriving in manoyama, she learns that she was only hired because they thought she was someone else but they still want her to work there for an entire year. now she lives in a small town and is tasked with both revitalizing the citizens and drawing tourists in, along with the help of four friends. it may not sound funny and heartwarming but it really is. it’s a good story about connecting and reconnecting and also the head of the tourism board wears a chupacabra mask sometimes

the main characters, and why I love them:

koharu yoshino, queen of manoyama. her struggle in the job market is unfortunately relatable to many people today and I love that she wishes she could have a job as a queen. she’s great and she really comes to love the town despite everything

shiori shinomiya, a very sweet manoyama native. she’s almost too nice but it makes it all the funnier when she gets intense

maki midorikawa, an aspiring actor who is famous among manoyama citizens for a small role she played in the past. she’s serious about acting but her family wishes she would get a more stable job. she can be kind of rude but she does love her friends and her town

sanae kouzuki, a web developer who moved to manoyama to escape the intensity of city life and the negative effects it had on her mental health. the problem is she hates rural life and is afraid of bugs but is too proud to admit it on her blog. the only true city girl among the five

ririko oribe, my favorite of the five. she’s shy but loves cryptids and the occult. it’s very easy to read her as autistic and the other characters affirm her interests and behavior. her love of cryptids even helps the town out when Spanish tourists come in search of a local legend. her relationship with her grandma is really good as well, with the two coming to understand and love each other over the course of the show

[datleggy]

a list of every anime i love/recommend, accumulated over the last 10+ years

1. NATSUME YUUJINCHOU 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is a teenage boy named Natsume, whose parents died when he was too young to remember them properly. He’s passed around random relatives homes, but because he can see yokai (spirits), he’s ostracized by classmates and his foster families (ALL HIS CHILDHOOD FLASHBACKS ARE SO FUCKING SAD) and eventually very distant relatives (an older couple who never had kids of their own and have so much goddamn love to give D:!!!) take Natsume in, and the story basically starts from there. 

It’s a very heart-warming story following Natsume’s new life in this new town, accepting his ability to see yokai, forging new relationships in the form of friends and family, and even with the yokai themselves. 

This is honestly probably my favorite anime/manga period, because it’s so sad but so cathartic and you watch as the main character grows and learns to trust those around him, and finally gets the unconditional love he’s always deserved, not to MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY DO A WHOLE EP WHERE NATSUME IS TURNED BACK INTO A LITTLE KID AND IT IS SOOOO GOOD OMG

Plus for those of you who enjoy whump, this show has a decent amount of it. Mainly emotional whump, but also some episodes where Natsume is injured or sick--as well as I believe one where his companion (the chubby cat on his shoulder who’s actually a pretty badass yokai) gets shot with an arrow and is down for the count. 

10/10 would and have watched again. 

2. KODOCHA NO OMOCHA 

SUMMARY/REVIEW:  The main character is a sixth grader named Sana. She’s a gifted actress on a t.v. show everyone likes and she’s silly and fun, very intuitive and surprisingly empathetic for a child. 

Her main problem is in school, where Akito, who she deems the leader of her class’ wolf pack of rowdy rude boys, lets them terrorize not just the teacher, but all the girls in class, as well. 

I don’t really want to give a lot away, so I’ll just state the obvious. This anime/manga is shoujo, which means that it does focus on a romantic relationship throughout the series. Mainly the one between Sana and Akito. Sana is absolutely oblivious about her own feelings, while Akito is a stubborn little shit. 

I remember watching this at like, age 12 maybe? And I really enjoyed it because (although I do enjoy your typical silly doesn’t take itself too seriously slice of life shoujo) this particular anime, while super funny and light hearted at times, was also really dramatic and even kinda dark, which was surprising considering the characters ages and the general kid-friendly vibe (especially the opening for the anime). 

3. DETECTIVE CONAN

SUMMARY/REVIEW:  Our main character is initially Shinichi Kudo, teenage detective, who’s on a date with childhood sweetheart Ran (whose father also happens to a detective but like....not a good one lmao), when his nosy ass self decides to go and check out some shady business and gets “poisoned”. 

The poison he’s given is intended to kill him, but what it actually does is turn him back into a child. And now, as Conan Edogawa, (who’s 7 but like....we just supposed to believe all these cops and detectives on the force are cool with a seven year old wee lil babe on these really gruesome ass crime scenes??? lmaoooo) we follow him on his adventures as he solves crimes and tries to solve the biggest mystery of all, his own! 

I absolutely LOVE this anime/manga, even though I’ll be honest, there is SO MUCH FILLER, but I like the characters enough that I really don’t mind. The show is at least 900+ episodes in at this point, and there are a total of 26 movies so far, last time I checked. 

Also, the show is a whump fangirls’ dream come true. The main character is thrown out of windows, balconies, shot at, and in one occasion actually shot, he’s had broken bones, sprains, almost been blown up or drowned/burned, been sick, and oh, his occasional transformations from child to teenager are incredibly painful. 

This show is probably at fault for my love of whump, since it was one of my first animes at like, age 9. smh. 

4. THE DEVIL IS A PART-TIMER!

REVIEW:

I’m not even going to summarize this one. The title does it for me. This is truly one of the funniest animes I’ve ever seen. Motherfuckin Satan works at a McDonalds part time and it is the BEST. 

Technically I would count this show as a kind of harem, but only because there are like three main girl characters after the overlord Satan himself. I usually dislike harem type animes but the way this is done is sooooo good I couldn’t resist. 

I would watch a million filler episodes of Satan trying to solve problems at his minimum wage job tbh. I love every single character, I love the plot, I love everything about this anime! In terms of comedy (with the occasional plot driven serious moments) this is IT bro. 

5. BLACK BUTLER

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is Ciel Phantomhive (roughly 14 years old). His parents are killed, his house is burned to ashes, and he’s kidnapped (around age 9 or 10 I believe) and abused. During this abuse Ciel calls upon a demon to free him and help him get revenge on those who harmed the Phantomhive household, which is where Sebastian, one “hell of a good butler” comes in. 

We then follow Ciel and Sebastian on their path of vengeance, and along the way we meet Ciel’s human servants, three very clumsy and seemingly bad at their given tasks characters (i love them all), and some of his extended relatives and connections. 

My favorite thing about Black Butler is the art, both in the anime and manga. Everything is so detailed and pretty! 

The characters are interesting, the plot is dark but they manage to make most of the series overall pretty light-hearted and funny in general. Though of course there are chapters/parts of the series that get really grim (which duh, the whole thing focuses on revenge so...) 

I have to say, the arc I enjoyed the most has to be the movie, Black Butler: Book Of the Atlantic. It is beautifully drawn and sooooooo entertaining. 

6. INUYASHA 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

Our main characters are Inuyasha, a half-demon, who’s been in a sort of spiritually binding coma for the last few decades, and fourteen year old Kagome, who falls into an old well in her family’s shrine and finds herself being transported into another time period. 

Together, she and Inuyasha travel across the lands in the feudal era to find the scattered shards of the shikon jewel, a powerful jewel which grants anyone who possesses it ultimate power. 

I was too young to stay up and watch Inuyasha on adult swim, so my mom would tape the show on a VCR for me to watch the next day after school--yes, I’m old old. lmaoooo I ADORE this show. 

It’s so good! It’s got everything! A tortured lil half-demon with a sad past who’s stubborn and rude but got a good heart! A fierce and equally as stubborn main protagonist, who’s whole ass family knows exactly where she goes off to??? and are supportive af????? like???? her mama packs her and her squad of demon/exorcist/demon hunter pals bentos?!?! lmao i love it. 

The characters are awesome and funny and likable as all heck, and of course they all have their sad backstory, but like, unlike some animes (lookin at YOU Naruto) they don’t go mega overboard on it, at least not without some plot behind the episode. 

7. YU YU HAKUSHO 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

Before I even start in on the summary, ya’ll should watch this soley bc of the cute ass 90′s style animation alone. LOOK AT ALL THAT SHINY HAIR!

ANYWAY. Main character is teenage hooligan and overall cutie pie Yusuke! He gets struck by a car and fucking DIES in the first episode after shoving a little boy out of the way, only to end up in the spirit world where the head honcho up there (who looks like a wee baby) tells him “Oh shit, didn’t expect you to like, actually do anything self-sacrificing EVER so like, you’re not on our list of people who were supposed to die today...” 

And uh, I don’t wanna give anything away, so I’m just gonna say that if you haven’t seen this anime yet, you definitely should! It’s hilarious and dramatic, the fight scenes are very well done, all the side characters, who eventually become main characters are a blessing (specifically Hiei, who’ve I’ve had a crush on since I was 12) and the ending is a satisfying one, which you can’t really say for a lot of media. 

8. CHRONO CRUSADE 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

I still get weepy when I think of this anime, so all I’ll say is it’s about a badass demon slaying nurse and her demon companion and some very tragic shit. 

It’s a great anime overall, especially if you like crying yourself to sleep at night :) 

9. GHOST HUNT

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is high school student Mai, who is hired by Naru, the head of a Shibuya psychic research, and together, with a group of questionable exorcists/psychics, they encounter paranormal phenomenons and some outright scary shit. 

I’m not really a fan of the horror genre tbh but I do like mystery, and the series deals with that quite a bit. They deal with each case for several episodes so nothing feels too rushed. 

The series is really fun in a creepy, wtf is that way. I recommend the manga, only because it’s more detailed in terms of plot than the anime. 

10. ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

I didn’t really make this list in any particular order but if I had to say, Assassination Classroom and Natsume Yuujinchou probably tie for BEST ANIME PERIOD! 

This anime is about a weird ass “alien” creature, no one knows where it came from or why tf it’s here on earth, all they know is that in one year it’s threatened to blow the world up. 

His only request to the government is that they let him become a teacher for Class E, the worst class of Kunugigaoka Junior High School, and he will stay put, so that they can attempt an assassination on him during this one year period. 

AND LISTEN! I am a shallow hoe, so I literally never would have read this manga or watched the series had I not been roaming Barnes and Noble one day with my S.O. and picked it up to read as a JOKE! 

I was hooked after the first chapter and I am soooooooo glad I picked this manga up, bc it is absolutely not the type I would normally go for, cover art wise. I finally, after many many years, learned not to judge a book by its cover bc LORD this anime is so goddamn good, you don’t understand! Like, I’ve watched it so many times and still laugh at the same parts, cry at the same parts, am proud af at the same parts! like, this anime is an instant classic and should definitely be more popular than it is. 

assassination classroom and natsume yuujinchou????? MASTERPIECES! 

[kpopshitposter]

“Come cuddle.”

Writing Prompt Meme

YAS THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS

I think this got a lil long (I love chan so much) but basically Chan comes into the coffee shop you work in (bc coffee shop AUs will never be overdone) and you fall in love with him instantly because who wouldn’t and then he makes your life better because what else would he do

Potential warning: This contains mention of a parent remarrying and getting a lil drunk at their wedding

If someone were to ask you to describe what happened in one sentence, you’d say a volcano erupted in your heart and destroyed everything in its path. That’s what it was like to fall for him. It was a violent, sudden hot mess.

You had met him by chance and were instantly smitten. He smiled so brightly and made you feel so at ease, so calm. He had this vibrant energy about him that, even when he was simply asking for coffee, you felt beautiful despite the apron wrapped around you.

You found yourself wanting desperately for him to come in. You started trying to look your best and thinking about him all day long. He’d only talk to you in short bursts, but they were always the highlight of your day. You found yourself asking for more shifts just in case he was going to come in. It was so wonderful to have some form of consistency, something to rely on. It was so wonderful to have something become familiar to you, finally, since you moved here and started university.

One morning he made a joke about you seeing each other so often that you’re basically best friends. You tried to not seem too happy about that.

He learned your name.

You learned his. Chris. You treasured this new knowledge like it was an incredibly precious secret.

He starts to ask about you - how long have you been working here? What do you do when you’re not here? It makes you feel so special, like someone cares about you, is interested in you. At first, you’re ashamed of yourself for being so taken by him, but when your world comes crashing down around you and he’s the only one there for you, your heart whispers a very gentle I told you so.

The news comes like a slap in the face. Your father is remarrying.

You’ve never even met his new partner. How could he be doing this? How could he bring a stranger into your life in such a permanent way? To make things worse, he didn’t tell you in person. Oh, no. The coward simply sent an invitation in the post. The only type of communication you’ve received from literally anyone about anything is some weird unknown number trying to call you. Since moving, not even your old friends have kept in touch with you.

When you ring him, he didn’t answer. That wouldn’t be the last time he avoids your call.

It’s barely been six months. You thought you understood him not visiting you since you moved out of the city, but the wedding is going to be near where you live, so he must have visited the venue and didn’t even think to tell you... You’ve never felt so unimportant.

Just thinking about it makes you angry, and it’s not until Chris is in front of you and looking concerned that you realise you’ve been wallowing in your thoughts. Your sniffle comes as a surprise to you. You quickly try to wipe away the tears begging to reveal themselves.

He doesn’t ask if you’re okay, because that would be a pointless question. Instead, he directs his request to your colleague. He doesn’t want to bring attention to you. You smile at him gratefully but it doesn’t reach your eyes. You find your chance to slip out the back and crumble to the floor of the car park.

You’re not sure why you’re crying. Maybe too much has changed at once. Maybe you feel betrayed. Maybe you thought out of everyone, you were a priority to your family. The last thought is the one that sticks with you. You’ve never been a priority for anyone, have you? Your father never cared about what view you might have on this, he never cared enough to introduce you two. If he doesn’t, who would?

The tears aren’t just half-there anymore. Your cries are coming out loudly. Why can’t you camouflage into this wall? Why, why, why? Why do you even bother?

The sound of your name startles you. You gasp, red eyes landing on the sweet-looking boy standing over you. You quickly try to rectify your image, fix your face, fix your hair, fix your clothes. Smile. Laugh. Be strong, for once.

He slowly kneels down in front of you. “What happened?” he looks like he really cares. You look back with distrust. “You might feel better if you talk to someone.” You continue to stare at him. “Oh-” he shifts and reaches into his pocket to bring out some tissues for you.

When you clean your face and wipe your nose with them you decide this couldn’t be more embarrassing.

“Please don’t keep it in, that will only hurt more.”

You want to ask him why he’s so nice to you, but you’re afraid you won’t like the answer.

“My dad is remarrying.” he tilts his head like he’s expecting more of an explanation than that. “I… that’s not the issue, that’s fine.” you don’t want him to think you’re selfish. You explain the full situation. How long does your rant go on for? You’re not even sure. You let it all out. You let everything out. How alone you feel.  How unimportant you must be. “I don’t even think I want to go to the wedding at this point.”

“Why not?”

“It will be so awkward and I’ll probably just end up having a mental breakdown in the middle of the ceremony.”

He’s somehow ended up sitting on the ground beside you. “Wouldn’t you regret not going? The way you feel won’t last forever.”

“Yeah, well, I might regret going, too.”

“But at least you can say you tried. You should still go. If you really can’t handle it you can leave early, but if you don’t even try you’ll always wonder. You shouldn’t assume the worst without knowing anything, maybe he cares so much about you which is why he’s scared to talk to you.”

That rings a little too true. You feel bad for jumping to conclusions and that kind of makes you want to start crying again.

“Even if it’s not awkward I’ll end up spending the entire time alone. I…” you take a deep breath and rub your face. Unless ... “Would you… go with me?”

“What?”

“I know I’ll chicken out without someone to force me.” you also might be finding an excuse to spend some time with him. “Plus, if it ends up being the worst mistake of my life it will be your fault that I went. It’s only fair you go, too.”

Chris looks like he’s thinking it over and you expect to hear don’t be weird, we barely know each other, but instead, he says “Deal. I’ll go with you, and if you end up regretting going I’ll treat you to whatever you want.”

“Yeah? Promise?” He scoops up your pinky with his own and presses his thumb to yours. You feel your whole body ignite with life.

“Yaaaay!” he cutely cheers, wiggling your hand. “It will be fun.”

So, that was that.

You exchanged numbers and smiles before you went back in to finish your shift.

That night, and every night, and every morning, and every afternoon, you spend time staring at your phone. You want to message him so much, but you had no excuses (at least, none that wouldn’t come across as totally creepy). You’d think about funny ways to continue conversations you might have had when he came into the shop, but nothing came to mind.

By the time it came to planning for the wedding you had stared at his number so much that you knew it by heart. So, when it popped up, you almost smashed your phone screen by dropped it down the stairs. It was a picture.

You hesitate before opening it and the moment you do you squeal. Oh. Wow. Is this a dream?? It has to be a dream right?!

You don’t know how to process this.

A second picture comes through shortly after - of him in a white suit.

You sit on a step and try to calm yourself down. He looks so cute it’s painful. You kind of want to cry (but you won’t, because that would be weird).

The pictures make this all feel so much more real. He’s taking you to a wedding. Shit. What are you going to wear??

Okay. It’s been 20 minutes and you haven’t replied yet.

[Text:] I love both omg!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. Way too creepy. You’re quick to delete that.

[Text:] You look good in both of them!

Uhhhh slightly too creepy. Delete!

[Text:] Whichever one you want.

Too aloof. You’re getting annoyed at yourself now.

[Text:] I like both of them, but probably the white one.

Nice. Send!

[Text from Chris:] I was worried I messaged the wrong number for a while.

He responded so quickly that you barely even had a chance to stand up.

[Text:] Sorry, was kinda busy :)

[Text from Chris:] What are you going to wear?

That sends you scrambling up the stairs and into your bedroom. Excellent question, Christopher! You start to rummage through things, finding the sexiest thing you own which fills you with the most confidence. You tidy up and sort yourself out as much as possible before sitting on the edge of the bed and positioning yourself to get a picture. You take as many as you need until you get the perfect one. You get a call from an unknown number and hang up. You don’t have time for people trying to sell you stuff or telling you that you’ve been in an accident recently.

[Text:] Maybe this? Not sure, it’s kinda old and I have a few better things…

You smile proudly at yourself. That was so smooth you can’t believe you - wait. You zoom in. You groan loudly. Underwear flung over your chair that you forgot to move! How could you not realise that?! You face plant into your pillow.

When your phone buzzes, you kind of hope it’s the grim reaper texting to tell you it’s time.

[Text from Chris:] You look amazing - you’ll be turning heads! :)

Maybe he didn’t notice or maybe he’s way too gentlemanly and sweet to comment on it. Either way, you feel yourself fall for him even harder.

After that, it’s a lot easier to message him whenever you feel like it. You send him cute dogs you say look like him. He sends you kittens he says look like you. You tell him about all the crazy customers you had and he soothes your soul with every words he sends you in response.

The day of the wedding comes and he’s waiting outside for you in the cab. You check yourself nervously 1,000 times and consider bailing 10,000 times. Your dad still hasn’t responded to any of your calls - all you’ve been getting is a bunch of random spam. Did he sell your number or something?! You don’t know whether you’re meant to be angry or hurt at this point.

Chris eventually lures you out of the house. When he sees you he smiles.

“Wow… you…” he clears his throat.

“Oh-” you play with the material by your sides, “you look really n- good!”

He seems to blush a little and covers his face slightly with his hands. You can barely even appreciate his cuteness because of how anxious you are.

He opens the car door for you and helps you slide in. You get another call from the unknown number, which leaves a voice message for the 20th time. You delete it instantly. You’re so fed up with being pestered.

The journey to the venue is filled with little glances and attempted smiles. You pat your chest to tell your heart to calm the hell down. He must be able to read your mind because he gently touches your arm.

The car stops at the venue and Chris insists on paying the driver. He even helps you out of the car. Under any other circumstances you’d probably get flustered by this, but you’re too afraid of what’s about to happen to really take it in.

You go in slowly, afraid that around any corner might be your father. You don’t see him until you enter the reception hall itself. He’s standing at the end of the aisle, wringing his hands. When his gaze finds you, he breaks out into a large smile and rushes over.

Okay. You weren’t expecting that.

He pulls you into a big hug and Chris smiles, stepping back to allow you space.

“I thought you weren’t coming!”

You’re so confused.

“I texted you that I was…” your response comes out struggled from the tight hug.

“I didn’t get anything.” your father frowns, releasing you and bringing out his phone.

“I called you a billion times, too.”

“You did? Let me see.”

You show him your call history and he blinks.

“That’s not my number anymore.”

“What?!”

“I tried calling you to let you know that I changed my number. I even left you voice messages. Didn’t you get them?”

“Oh…” you glance at Chris, “I thought it was spam so I didn’t answer any or bother with… why didn’t you text me?!”

“I couldn’t figure out how to, and since you moved out of the city it wasn’t like I could just come see you easily! When we came to see this hotel I tried to meet up with you but you kept hanging up the phone.”

You laugh at yourself, a bitter, miserable laugh. Chris was right. You shouldn’t have anticipated the worst. You shouldn’t have been so paranoid about answering the phone.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, and you bite your lip to distract yourself from your watering eyes.

“I am, too.” you sniffle.

“Who’s this?” he leans around you and offers his hand to Chris.

“Hi, I’m Chris. It’s nice to meet you.” Chris smiles, taking his hand in both of his and lowering his head politely.

“Nice to meet you too.” he looks between you both. His name gets called and he glances away. “I have to go, it’s about to start. Take a seat at the front-” he ushered a couple of apparently less important out of their seats to make room for the two of you.

You wonder how much Chris is holding back from gloating that he was right. He doesn’t seem like he is. He just seems happy and proud.

The music starts and you’re back to being nervous. You’re going to see her. For the first time. You’re going to see her.

You’re wrinkling your clothes by how tightly you’re squeezing the material over your thighs. Chris takes your hand and shuffles closer to you.

The further into the ceremony it gets, the more you squeeze him. Your father cries. That’s how happy he is. That’s how glad he was to say I do. To this woman. Whom you’ve never met.

Your family is now only going to be half-familiar to you.

You feel so guilty. You can’t be happy for him the way he deserves. Chris would remind you that regardless of the evil feelings festering inside of you, you’re still there. You showed up. You endure the entire ceremony, and now it’s time for the after-party.

You take your seats and a deep breath. Oh. Alcohol. Nice. You pick up a bottle and pour yourself some. When you offer it to Chris, he shakes his head. You’re not aware, but he wants to stay sober out of worry for you. He’s watching you in concern as you swallow gulp after gulp. You’re trying to drown your guilt.

The newly married couple make their grand entrance and you drink and drink. Their first dance. You take more sips.

You haven’t even said two words to your new mother-in-law… and you’re starting to think that was your own fault. Maybe you’ve just been ignoring signs. Maybe you’ve been too self-absorbed. Maybe the problem here is you, not your father. He deserves so much better.

“I think you should slow down.” Chris tries to take your cup away, “Eat someth-”

“Don’t. Don’t bother.” you might not regret reconciling with your dad, but you sure as hell regret coming and you definitely are starting to regret coming with Chris. You’ve probably misunderstood him, too. You’re probably thinking he’s your friend and he just feels sorry for you.

“There’s bread h-”

“Look, can you stop?!” it’s a good thing the music is so loud. “You got me here. You’re done with your end of the deal. You can leave now.”

He looks hurt and confused but you’re only seeing red.

“It’s great that he’s happy but I don’t know who that woman is. Now she’s part of my family and she’ll have to put up with me like everyone else. You don’t have to worry, you’re excused from pretending to like me.”

“I… haven’t been pretending.”

You grab your bag and stand up. The world sways. You stumble your way past the tables. You need to get out. You’re sure nobody in that room wants to see you. You get out of the hall and into the lobby, you’re determined to get outside while ignoring the strange looks. Even when you lose your balance and fall you still are only focused on escaping.

Hands on your arm are trying to help you to your feet.

You can hear your name.

Everything is so off-kilter. It’s all so wonky and impossible to see. You fall again as soon as you’re standing just by attempting to take one step.

Soon your feet are leaving the ground. You’re being scooped up in the arms of someone you can’t really make out. You’re mumbling to be put down, trying to scramble away from the arms which are cradling you. You’re too weak and apparently too quiet, so you start to shout louder. Put me down, put me down!

But some sort of exchange where you’re being shifted about is happening and soon you’re vaguely aware of being carried into the lift.

You’re able to focus a bit better when you’re still. You start to smile and giggle.

“Are you an angel?” you ask.

The beautiful man doesn’t reply. He just watches the floor number in the lift go up.

He shouldn’t have let you drink so much.

You end up falling asleep against the lovely warm chest you’re being held against. You drift in when your weight is being tilted this way and that so that a door can be opened. You’re laid down on a bed.

A wet towel is being put on your forehead and you’re being guided up into a sitting position and handed a cup of water. It’s then that you realise it’s Chris.

Ugh.

“Why are you here?” you snap.

He sighs. “Drink this. I’ll order some food to the room.”

“I said I don’t want it!” you swat and accidentally knock the cup back against Chris, wetting his suit.

“Stop it.” he sternly says, putting the cup down on the bedside table. “You’re acting childish. Don’t fold your arms at me like that. You already figured out that your dad was trying to call you so why are you still so upset?”

“That’s why! It’s my fault that he couldn’t tell me. He probably tried to get me to meet her a hundred times and I’m sure I found a way to avoid it! It’s my fault that all of this happened! It’s my fault that I felt that way and it’s my fault that I don’t know her. He probably doesn’t want a waste of space like me in his life anyway - I’m sure he was really happy to get rid of me. On top of that you’re still pretending to care!” Your phone is ringing. It’s the same unknown number as before, which must mean it’s your dad trying to find out where you are. That makes you feel even more guilty, which makes you feel worse about who you are. You hang up, which makes you feel worse on top of already feeling worse. It’s a swirling mess of emotions.

“I told you I’m not pretending.”

“Whatever! I get that you’re a nice guy, that’s really great. But it’s not fair! You’re making me like you and you probably don’t even realise! You made me feel special for all of five minutes but your work is done. It’s fine if you don’t want to be around me-” that goes on for a while. You rant about how you’ve fallen for him and how he doesn’t even care and how he’d be dumb to like you back anyway and you rant and rant and rant and Chris doesn’t interrupt you. He allows you to get it all out. He listens to you patiently, refilling the cup of water for you each time you drink it, taking off your shoes, making sure you’re comfortable. He finds some snacks which were already in the room.

By the time you’re done complaining he’s leaning over you. One hand on the headboard and the other on the bedside table.

“Do you think you’ll remember this tomorrow?” he whispers.

You’re tense and confused. You still your body and look into his eyes. He doesn’t mind the smell of alcohol on your breath as you attempt to bitterly reply “I’m sure I will.” Jackass. What is that supposed to mea-

He leans in closer and parts your lips with his own. He steals your breath.

When you start to kiss him back he places fingers under your chin.

Chris gets on the bed and straddles your lap.

“What are you doing?” you whisper.

“You won’t believe my words, so I’m showing you. Is that okay?”

You’re definitely sobering up now.

“I’m thirsty.” when you say that he raises the cup to your lips. When you’re done drinking he sets it aside. “I just… I really…”

“What?” he asks when you don’t finish your sentence. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I really hate myself, you know?” you can’t believe how much Chris has seen you cry.

Chris nods. “I know.”

“What do you know? Everyone loves you.”

He shakes his head, “I’ve had really bad anxiety. I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t want to be with yourself.” he dabs the towel against your forehead. He’s still in your lap.

“Oh.” You keep managing to make yourself feel guilty today.

“Eat some of this.” he picks up the biscuits he found and opens the packet. He feeds you. Your heart is beating wildly as you take it in your mouth.

“Do we have to go back downstairs?” you ask.

“I think the wedding is over now. You can talk to your dad tomorrow if you don’t want to let him know you’re okay now. I think you should sleep this off before seeing him again.” Chris is right - your dad would kill you for getting drunk and ending up in this position.

“... You think I should sleep... here?”

“Yeah. The room has already been paid for. I’ll leave.”

“N-no.” How do you say this without sounding too desperate? “Don’t go. I don’t want to be alone.” Chris nods and brushes dried tears from your cheeks.

“Let’s go to sleep.”

You can barely believe that this is happening. You feel the butterflies in your stomach grow into shy dragons as he gets up and removes his blazer. He’s getting comfortable to spend the night with you. You nervously get under the covers, taking deep breaths with every movement.

You’re so shy at first, and so is he. He smiles at you when you’re both all bundled up. He takes your hand and moves it to his lips.

“This wasn’t how I imagined telling you how I felt but… I didn’t want you to be upset for no reason.”

“How long have you liked me for?”

“I’ve always kind of liked you, that’s why I kept coming back for the gross coffee you make.”

“Hey!” you both laugh.

You seem to fall asleep smiling, because when you wake up the next morning it’s still there.

There’s a moment of unfamiliarity until it all comes back to you.

Chris is still sleeping and he looks so perfect.

You try as silently as possible to get up and creep into the bathroom. You’re shocked by your own reflection. You look like a mess. As quickly as possible you start to try and clean yourself up, adjusting your clothes and your, uh, whole face, basically.

When you’re as satisfied as you can be you try to slide back into bed to pretend you just naturally always look like that, but the mattress shifting wakes him up.

He groans and stretches. He rubs his eyes and squints out at you. He smiles lazily and holds out his arms.

“Come cuddle.” he says tiredly.

You can’t believe you’re hearing this. You can’t believe last night wasn’t a dream. You can’t believe you’re actually lowering down onto him. You can’t believe this is your life now.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 18: 1x15 Shore Leave

Shore Leave tonight! Because I need it. I had a lot of thoughts on this because it’s so ridiculous and wonderful.

That planet looks like a giant green screen. Which is appropriate.

I could watch this back rub scene on a loop all day. Fellas, is it gay to want your First Officer to really dig it in there?

Captain going to his quarters to work from home today.

Oh-ho, what is this, the little seen Sulu & McCoy dynamic.

Plant nerd Sulu wants information on all the greenery.

That rabbit is so great. Fun fact I had an LJ icon with that rabbit back in the day.

Honestly this is such a great concept for an episode. Like I don’t have any really deep notes or feelings about it but both as a sci fi idea (a very high-tech ‘amusement planet’ that uses unseen machines that can read your thoughts to manufacture delightful things for you) and an entertaining yarn, it’s so good. I also think the characters are really on point.

It’s so good that Theodore Sturgeon could put that back rub scene in there and no one even noticed.

“Stardate.... something.....uh, point three.” I laughed, I really did. Stardates do not and never have made sense and I like that even Kirk is so tired at this point he’s like “yeah whatever.” Mood, Sir.

Kirk is canonically a workaholic. He’s the kind of guy who checks his email on vacation. Who answers emails at 11pm. With his husband next to him like to rest is to rest jim!!!

“On my planet, to rest is to rest.”

Kirk thinks he’s so cute. He’s looking really handsome today himself, but Kirk always looks at his best when he’s got his heart eyes face on.

“A crewman’s rights end where the ship’s safety begins.” We need that on a poster today in 2020 for Reasons.

Love how unamused Kirk is and how amused Spock is. Ya got played, son!

Oh, look, it’s a random gun. Too bad Chekov’s not here to claim it. (He’d love this planet btw.)

YFIP: Captain Kirk. Cancels shore leave mere minutes before it’s supposed to start.

Gunshots!! Sulu found the gun! And he’s so excited! And then Kirk takes it away like the Mean Dad he is.

One thing I wonder about this planet is at what point do the objects, people, etc. cease to exist. Do they just eventually wander back to the trapdoors and.... get recycled? Do they have this built in? Is that not... weird? Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: Shore Leave. And do the inanimate objects have to be returned?

I love this Kirk Academy back story and we were robbed--ROBBED--of it in AOS, fight me on this. “I was downright grim.” Bullied by an upperclassman?? Who liked playing dumbass pranks?? Sounds like enemies to lovers, slowburn, 20k, to me.

Love how absolutely deranged Finnegan is though.

Yeoman Barrows’ rape fantasy.

Kirk stops to a pick a flower! To romantic music!! He is so soft and I love him byeeeeeeeee.

And then the flower reminds him of his Academy girlfriend Ruth. Who is uh obviously played by a woman in her 30s and yet hasn’t aged a day in 15 years so 19 year old Kirk with an older lady y/y?

Love his confused face while she’s kissing him though.

He’s so dazed as he calls McCoy and then just kinda... gives up lol.

Bones, too busy flirting to remember the white rabbit he’s supposed to be chasing. Don’t say “a whole army of Don Juans”!!!

His eyeshadow is also on point today. He’s so shameless, trying to not-quite-watch her as she changes into the Princess Costume. No one ever remembers how flirty McCoy is but he IS.

Oh look, a big kitty!!! Very beautiful and nice.

Sulu lol, just casually thinking of samurai. Bet he wishes he still had that gun now.

Spock having a hard time beaming down reminds me of that meme “Now I will always be a child of two worlds.”

Spock’s thought process is hilarious. “Our transporters were about to stop working so I thought, hey, how about I strand myself too--just to be with you, Jim.”

McCoy and Barrows holding hands.

They’re supposed to spread out but Kirk and Spock go together obviously.

Oh no, the knight! I’m sure Kirk told Spock not to shoot bc he knew his phaser didn’t work but it still looks like ‘I got this baby.’

There’s no one to say “He’s dead Jim.” :(

Barrows shouldn’t feel guilty; it was Bones’s fault for conjuring the knight in the first place by saying the word “knight.”

Lol can’t Sulu run the tricorder? Like the obviousness with which they switch out Sulu and Spock so K and S can have their moment is... Something.

“Are you saying that this is a plant, Mr. Spock?”

Lol just poking the dummy in the face.

“Funny air vehicles.” Don’t have planes in the 24th century I guess?

Don’t say strafing run!!

When Kirk thinks of the Academy, he thinks of Finnegan first apparently. And now begins an incredibly long fight sequence. I actually like the TOS fights in general quite a bit because they’re SO choreographed. So for me they are more fun than fights now, which are such a mess I don’t even know what I’m looking at. But even so--this one is VERY long.

And VERY homoerotic.

“Jim baby.” “Sweet Jimmy boy.” Resting on top of that cliff in a ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ pose. Kirk’s shirt just like.... REALLY randomly ripping right the hell off.

“You couldn’t find your head with both hands.” ???

I love this Irish tune. Apparently this was the first ep this composer worked for and I think he did a really good job all around! I rarely notice music but I did in this one and always in a good way.

Spock’s makeup is great as usual. He and Kirk are on the same expository wavelength.

Spock, don’t say the word “tiger”! You can clearly see it is on a leash lol. Lots of gratuitous touching as Kirk and Spock run away. My mom and I agree that Spock liked the tiger, though. He does like cats and big animals like iChaya.

All the crewman line up except for Angela. Really dropping the ball there.

Love how the amusement park manager shows up just after Kirk told everyone not to think about anything. “Okay, who imagined the man in green robes?”

Spock’s posture and expression.... so good. He clearly loves the idea of an amusement park, and, given that he describes it as a place with “many fascinating things” to do/see, I think he would, canonically, love it.

“The more complex the mind, the greater need for the simplicity of play.”

 THE MUSIC WHEN MCCOY SHOWS UP WITH THE GIRLS OMG.

He’s such a slut. One whole love interest plus TWO imaginary showgirls? Tone it down Mister.

I can’t believe one of the girls goes to Spock. He’s like “What do I do with this?” Then hands her off to Sulu because Rodriguez is already helping Angela move on from her dead husband. So now Sulu gets two ladies.

Spock doesn’t need any more shore leave, because he got to spend some time with Kirk, solve a mystery, and see a tiger. That’s all the fun he needs!

The last scene was pretty unnecessary (except that I guess without it, it kinda looks like Kirk is just...leaving the Enterprise for his old girlfriend lol) but at least we get the awkward implication that Kirk, McCoy, and Sulu had a lot of sex, and some random fake laughter.

(Sulu absolutely canonically had a threesome.)

Next up is the Galileo Seven, a Classic TM Spock (and Spock & McCoy) episode.

[troglobite]

i ranted about this endlessly on twitter and now i’m here to write my INFINITELY BETTER version of the third man

if you haven’t seen the movie don’t fucking bother it’s an awful waste of time and the music, which unfortunately SUCKS ASS, will be stuck in your head forever, making you angrier at how much time you wasted watching that fucking movie

okay as quick as possible since it’s late and i have several appointments tomorrow:

keep in mind that the bullshit of holly’s bad novels barely, if at all, crops up in my version. it’s mentioned purely as a joke about how niche his target audience is, and how he’s not successful. the subtext is that he only accepted harry’s offer to come to vienna because he literally has no other legitimate prospects and is basically flat broke. 

the movie does NOT open with a fucking voice over from someone we don’t fucking know who never appears in the movie, being all third person omniscient. 

instead, it opens with a montage of a piece of mail addressed to holly being sent overseas, postmarked from vienna, austria. it arrives at holly’s [former] home. mail is piled up and the place is empty. because:

we see holly arriving at harry’s apartment. the same thing happens with the porter telling him that harry has died, with all the same issues of the language barrier. 

instead of immediately cutting to the cemetery (bc HOW?!), he prolongs the conversation with the porter some more. the porter TELLS him about the funeral. he received an invitation. he didn’t attend. we find this strange. 

holly goes to the funeral. it’s dispersing as he arrives. 

the same thing happens: the police are there. the woman is there. harry’s friends/conspirators are there. 

holly talks with the police. they inquire about him, who he is, why he’s arrived, etc. rather than offer to send him home, they want to keep him for questioning (but don’t explicitly tell him that) because harry invited him to come live with him. they put him up at the military hotel. 

holly asks about harry’s apartment. they say sure go in, we’ve already done a sweep and taken everything we need. you’re not paying for it, though, and we’ve yet to establish anything from his will, so we’d prefer you stay at the hotel. but you can go in, we’ll take you by, see if there’s anything that was meant for you. 

they go, holly gets looking around. he sees the pictures of anna and recognizes her from the funeral. he also sees parchment out on a desk and some half-written letters, thoroughly scribbled out, crumpled up, thrown away. the only thing legible is perhaps his own name. he snags them when the police aren’t looking. 

the porter is also anxiously watching the whole time from the hallway, having helped allow the police in. his wife comes in and quietly starts whisper-shouting at him, trying to be out of earshot of anyone who speaks german. holly makes eye contact with him and the porter seems really grim and concerned. 

on the way back to the hotel holly inquires about things to do in the city while he’s here. he’s never been, and with the shock of harry’s death, he should get out. they tell him about the theater, say it’s really funny or well done, even if you don’t know much german. 

he goes to the theater. he sees anna. he goes backstage after the show to talk with her about harry. they get to talking, same as before. 

they part ways afterwards and as holly makes his way back to the military hotel, kurtz stops him. asks him if he’s holly, harry’s friend. they get to talking. kurtz is cryptic, but says that he and the romanian whatever his name was and also dr. winkel were there at harry’s death. they saw the car hit him. they were meant to meet up with him at his apartment, but as he walked up to his building, he crossed the street and was hit. terrible shame. 

they hadn’t known that holly was coming, and as harry’s friend, they’d be happy to help him find something to keep himself busy. holly says that’s very kind, tells them they can find him at the military hotel. “oh they don’t allow austrians in there” well okay then how about a cafe nearby tomorrow late afternoon. 

holly heads back to harry’s apartment first thing to talk to the porter again. he’s cryptic, as well, says yes, he saw the whole thing out his window. he’s not sure what he saw, but it was strange because the person driving was harry’s driver. he complains about harry as a tenant in the building a bit, complains about anna being over at odd hours, complains about the noise. 

as they wrap up their conversation, the porter glances out the window and see kurtz (or someone in a similar vein) and anxiously says holly ought to go. when he (and the camera) look back out the window, the man is gone. holly is confused, but he thanks the porter for the conversation and agrees to leave. 

kurtz (or whoever) watches him go, ominously. 

that afternoon, he meets up w them at the cafe as planned. they reminisce about harry. the things the other person is saying are slightly out of joint with what holly remembers. he starts getting uncomfortable and reluctantly plays along. comments about him being difficult with commitment, wanting to bail on things at the last minute, etc., which would tarnish his otherwise spotless reputation of loyalty. pointing at holly’s arrival as speaking to harry’s good nature, since holly dropped everything and came here. 

what was it that harry said that brought holly here? oh well, he doesn’t remember exactly, the letter arrived a few weeks ago. oh but surely there was something that compelled him. or was it just harry’s good nature? well he had been hoping to catch up, and honestly his prospects back home weren’t great. he was having trouble writing his next novel and his previous ones hadn’t sold very well. oh really? but i’ve read them, they’re quite good. 

here he pulls out one of holly’s novels and talks about the plot--and it’s meant to be some kind of foreshadowing parallel, of course, but i couldn’t give a shit, honestly.

anyway, holly pretends to be flattered. he’s starting to make excuses to leave, but then kurtz is like, hey, y’know what? why don’t i treat you to a drink and a good time. come by the [whatever it was called] club tonight, okay? here’s the address. i’ll have a car come by tonight to pick you up. 

holly doesn’t turn it down bc he doesn’t want to be suspicious. 

the car arrives and takes him there. anna is there, dr. winkel is there, the romanian is there, kurtz is there. they all get to talking. they talk about how sad and heartbroken anna is over harry’s death. she plays further despondent and standoffish about it, but is happy to chat with holly about harry “because you knew him so much longer than me, you must have so many stories”

they get holly drunk. not a hard thing to do. they press him for information. they broach the topic of his apartment. holly lets slip something that the porter said, then identifies the porter by name. 

they send him back home to the hotel in a car. we briefly see shadows arriving at harry’s apartment building, and the light from a window black out with some kind of muffled but worrisome sound. 

the police call holly in for questioning the next day. he’s fully hungover. it doesn’t reflect well on him. 

he mentions how he’s gone drinking with some of harry’s friends. he names them.

the police tell him that they’ve all but solidified a case against harry, but their key witness (conspirator-turned-informant) has been missing for a week, since just before harry died. holly gets even more worried about it all. he goes to bring out the papers he took from harry’s apartment and spreads them on the table.

together they decipher enough to discern that it looked like harry was considering telling holly not to come. there’s also a piece that mentions something about his family back home. 

the police describe their crimes: same as before, it’s about exploiting the penicillin shortage for profit resulting in the deaths of countless people. holly is horrified--and confused. harry always pushed limits and boundaries, but he’d at no point ever hurt someone or done something malicious. he says as much to the police and they scoff and say he hadn’t known harry for years. people change. circumstances change. the war changed people. such is life. 

as they’re wrapping up, in comes anna with other police officers. they’ve inspected her apartment because of the connection to harry. they investigate her passport--forged. same as before. 

but this time holly sits with her while she waits to hear back about it all. she spins some more tales, seems sad and despondent, again. she quietly admits that harry helped forge her passport. he was just that kind of guy. 

PUPESCO that’s the fucker’s name. 

anyway

holly sympathizes. he’s clearly growing fond of her. 

they let her go, but we see/hear that the russian liaison is going to investigate her further. 

they go back to anna’s place. they get dangerously close to fucking. he departs, back to the hotel. we see shadows watching him.

back at the police station they make a worrisome discovery. 

back at the hotel, harry appears in holly’s room. it almost comes to blows but harry tells him to shut up and keep quiet--he’s risking everything by being here, but he found out holly was in the city and had to leave the russian district to come warn him.

holly’s not safe. the people he’s been talking with, they’re dangerous. they’re the reason that harry faked his death. he’d been working with them on something completely different, mostly just forgeries to help people escape the countries, territories, and districts that had been set up after the war--like anna. 

harry gets a little wistful about anna. holly sympathizes. stutters trying not to mention he just came from her apartment and what almost happened while he was there. 

harry’s anxiously checking out the window--curtains almost entirely closed/drawn--when he sees someone/something and spooks. he has to leave, now. don’t tell anyone you saw me, holly. 

“but wait--what’s going on?! you haven’t finished telling me?!”

he disappears out of a back entrance in the hotel, someone missing all the military personnel and security. we catch a glimpse of it: the skill of hiding in plain sight. 

holly checks out the window but only sees an old man selling balloons or reading the newspaper or something. 

he goes to sleep, barely. 

all right i’m getting tired

basically, it’s implied harry makes it safely back to the russian district.

the revelatory discovery that the russian liaison office made was anna’s true identity: she was a spy during the war and wants to avoid being repatriated because her cover was blown and she’s going to be prosecuted. 

holly doesn’t know any of this. the liaison informs the police, and that’s it.

meantime, they find the body of the porter at harry’s old apartment. they bring holly in for questioning again, but he tells them what he saw and knows, and what he’s been talking about with kurtz and the other guys. they ask some pointed questions of him, and then they’re like HA WE GOT IT.

so they go to a confrontation between the police, kurtz, and the other guys. they finally have enough to arrest them, but they say their orders came from on high. they never knew who. but their efforts to convince harry to turn fully into the bigger game they were playing were failing, and the higher up was displeased. 

with this new information, holly turns to anna again. 

this is the major final confrontation.

harry returns--he’s collected evidence against anna while hiding in the russian district. he hadn’t known for sure while they were together, but he’d been worried. he asked around about her true identity in the russian district, got suspicious, confirmed his suspicions, and started putting together evidence of her crimes here in vienna. 

the police return--they have anna’s true identity and her list of crimes, ready to send her back for this shit alone.

they see harry there and get momentarily distracted trying to figure out what to do, yelling back and forth about what evidence harry has, etc. 

holly is caught unawares. meantime, anna holds him at gun point and tries to escape.

blah blah blah, big confrontation and shoot out. maybe a sewer chase scene, but more compelling, and featuring the fucking POV character for most/all of it. 

harry is wounded, holly shoots anna, the police make the arrest. 

harry is brought to a hospital but also brought up on the charges of forgery. he’s enlisted as a witness to put away the rest of the crime ring responsible for the penicillin problem, so they agree to offer him lighter sentencing. 

because of this, he’ll eventually have to back to the US and into witness protection--and holly vows to join him, because holly has information, too, though very little. part of this resolution is harry saying that he was able to fake his death because he found kribins or whoever that guy was--the inside man giving them the penicillin to dilute and peddle--poisoned and dead at his place of residence. it was pure happenstance. he figured out what happened--that he was killed by his own men because the police were on their tail--and decided to take the opportunity to try and escape and also gain evidence against them. if they dig up his coffin, they’ll find kribins. 

the final shot is, idk, something poignant that rounds out the film. something to do with mail or missed messages, or a reversing of the funeral. probably that last one, we see them digging up the body of kribins while harry does the voice over of the whole thing. 

then of course some kind of joke--sorry i got you into this mess, this isn’t the kind of work i was talking about when i told you to come over. holly jokes that they both need to learn to be better judges of character. then of course something homoerotic happens, like “well, at least i knew i could count on you.” and then of course they live happily ever after.

FIN

to be clear i didn’t do that to anna to put these two guys “together”--i hate BOTH of them in the film, and anna was set dressing in the film. i think this version is better bc it makes her more interesting and provides a compelling twist. it makes harry and holly more interesting characters. it might also actually provide the “villains” with opportunities to say things that are more cryptic and strange, but that are also things you would otherwise agree with that basically subtly try to justify the things they’ve done. 

perhaps we can even shoehorn in some police incompetence--because a crucial part of this is that they had set harry up to take the fall for anna (though they didn’t know it was anna). 

holly doesn’t flipflop like an idiot, he doesn’t drunkenly stumble around the whole time making the world’s worst decisions, and anna’s presence actually fucking matters. the arrests of kurtz et al. are actually ONSCREEN and INTERESTING. etc. etc. etc. 

okay that’s what i’ve got. 

[cerealmonster15]

ok twst sims update from when i was playing last night, continuation of my blabbing here lol + some DOODLES about it

opens discord dms...

ok so i think i literally was planning on just going to my heartslabyul household and organizing their garden a little but i did not end up doing that at all, bc i immediately got distracted by i guess the new(? idk when they implemented it) 'event' system in sims 4 in real time where theres like, weekly goals for shit you can unlock? anyway this one was about the grim reaper and i wanted to unlock the reaper scythe earring for my diasomnia boys [i unlocked it and then forgot to give it to them lol]

but i had tasks to do! including asking some sims about ambrosia. this is what silver had to say about it

hes really excited about necromancy or whatever i guess

i did complete this week's tasks for the event thing but i immediately got distracted in the middle of it because i forgot that i'd ALSO toggled recently the story progression for relationships, as i mentioned in the other post i linked. so i see this stuff

and im like. when did sebek start dating jamil. when did silver start dating cater. why do they look like Hell [they had just come home from work and were Exhausted lol]

so i've been sleuthing around trying to find other relationships that have spawned [i cant always remember if it's something i did or if it happened on its own lol] and like i checked beloved son juice spade, where i could see i had been working on forming the first year's polycule with him last time i played- but also. chenya was there.

meanwhile ACE had formed no new romances but he DID form HATER BEEF with ORTHO FOR SOME REASON SKDJHKGSJD

[sorry ortho literally doesnt look like ortho LOL i dont use CC and i believe i didnt have the option to make kids hair blue]

one day ill learn how 2 draw chenya but NOT TODAY IM BUSY SOWWY KING

trey also had started a strong romance with floyd,,, and like i think i had him start something with jade a while ago but never maintained it / a while ago before i got a certain mod to help w/this, there used to be a lot of relationship decay bc i had trouble keeping up w/all the different households lol so i think jade and trey just hadnt gotten much attention but they look so funny in treys relationship slots

i think when the game does it by itself it just slots them as partners immediately so like im assuming it's treating floyd and trey as partners, idr exactly, but this just looks like trey and jade are best friends w/some budding romantic tension, and then floyd just walked up to trey and was like hey wanna go smash our faces together KLFHSLKDJGKL. godspeed trey good luck w/whatever that is

and then cater and trey have a romantic bond but i guess hadnt actually kissed yet so i decided to move them along so they could be an Official Couple but like.

right after they kissed, caters son walked up and was Not Having It kfsdhlkJFDSKLJKLG

anyway we got the item that let us summon the grim reaper

i tried so hard to get cater to hook up with him but sims 4 said NO FUN ALLOWED THIS TIME >:'(

thats ok tho he can just be an ace aro king and we can be besties instead :] it's also really funny seeing The Grim Reaper respond to social interactions like an average sim ksdlghkljf

ANYWAY,

chenya was scared of him. but also still dressed for the pool. and thinking about flirting with trey fdjksjfgklsd deuce was also scared of the grim reaper bc my poor boy is like constantly Haunted. i think he has three fears now and i dont know how to Help Him

i jumped around a bit more and found rook and jade have a romance and i truly dont remember if i did that or if the game did it kfdsjfkljsd but i DO like jade/rook so theres a good chance It Was Me, but i have no memory of it kfdsjklfs.

vil also has beef with jamil and azul

but thats been there for a lil while and i think i remember seeing it sometime after i was playing jamil or azul and they were on a date at a convenience store that vil was Also At, and vil was 🧍 standing like right in the midst of them so i think it did that thing where he inserted himself into a group convo with them and then got mad that they were flirting, bc i think sims usually get mad when 2 are flirting within a 3+ convo LOL

hes in his crumplebottom era. no pda in my lobby.

i had idia hit on cater by bragging about his gamer skills

then i found out idia also had a game-spawned romance with none other than

KALIM JSKFJSDLKJKFLKSD despite the fact that he was like actively currently annoyed by CHEERY PEOPLE [i think bc rook was there and i have him as cheerful lol]

idia voice wow all these bubbly extroverts suck wheres my boyfriend kalim al asim kJFLDSJFD

ok almost done now we're back at silver and cater again where kfdljsfkljs silver was still Yearning so i had him invite cater over to try and clear the wish to Smooch Boyfriend but like. i could NOT get the make out option to appear and thats specifically the one he'd rolled for so i was trying to spam romance w/them and it was like

i had them do their first kiss. then cater auto kissed silvers cheek and it was cute!

[i'd also given silver a small makeover lol]

then i saw shortly after the convo turned to very awkward and i was like huh why, theyre having positive reactions, theyre both flirty still, what- LILIA?!?!?!?!

dad walks up from behind them and is like ARE YA WINNIN SON??? so i got him the hell out of there klsdjflk he was embarrassing his son.... then as soon as he was out it swapped back to romantic interactions lol but i still couldnt get make out to appear. but u know what did if you saw the other post where i talked about this

silver nearly instantly had the option to propose to cater but he coudlnt bc their friendship is BARELY ANYTHING [you can see it peeking out on the right over there lol] so like. flash fire romance of them spawning something, me spamming romance interactions to try and fulfill the want, and no friendship progression fdksjgkldf

anyway then they all went to work can cater just kinda hung out in the kitchen w/their broken stove

OKAY THAT'S ALL FOR NOW BYE!!!

[7fics]

Angst fic: JY is the grim reaper and JS is a really funny athlete that has a bright future ahead of him. After a freak accident, JS is left to spend his last few months in the hospital. Slowly, JS will start to lose function is his brain. He will forget things here and there. Then he'll forget people. He'll lose function in his legs. He'll slowly but surely die. JY will have to wait by his side, ready to collect his soul when it decides to leave. During that time, he falls in love.

Warnings: Major character death but that’s a given??? Also terminology might get a bit weird because I’m not referencing Hellenistic mythology.

Author: Sally

Word Count: 3.6K

A/N: I’m honestly so sorry I’m a writer whose fics should only exist in theory and not in execution. ;-; This didn’t turn out as angsty and detailed as the prompt was but that’s bc i’m trash and half my inspo comes from Unimedia’s webdramas. Unbeta-ed

Time doesn’t pass in the underworld; or rather, there’s nomethod of keeping track. (But then again, there doesn’t seem to be a need tokeep track either.) The sun never does rise, nor will the plants bud andwither. It’s an eternal dusk that spreads hazily above their heads. Jinyoungdoesn’t quite remember how long he’s been here. Neither does he recall how longhas it been since he’s been appointed to be a psychopomp. But he figures thatit’s better than spending all of his time beneath the soiled grounds. At leasthe gets to travel between the worlds of life and death—gets to see the sun riseand fall, watch those who are still alive go through their everyday lives. Andit’s the juxtaposition between the bustling life of the world above and theremote barrenness of the world below that reminds Jinyoung of how he was oncealive.

He doesn’t have a clear recollection of it though, being oneof those who’ve drunk Lady Meng’s soup yet failed to cross the bridge into thenext life. Something is keeping him back, Jaebum had told him once. Though heisn’t sure whether it was resent or regret that has carried on from the daysthat he was living. Sometimes when he thinks too much about it, there’s a senseof foreignness that settles underneath his skin. Something about having been alive, yet not being able to rememberhow exactly living felt like leaves him perturbed. Was he still him if he had no memories of what heonce was? What was he waiting for then? And what if he never does recall it inthe end?

It’s amidst these thoughts that Jaebum finds him, royalpendant in hand as he relays orders from above. “The underworld isn’t a placefor freeloaders,” the older spirit had said, “If you’re not going intopurgatory nor the afterlife, then you’re going to have to work. The livingdon’t burn so much paper money for taxes to go to waste.”

And so, Jinyoung finds himself with a list of names anddates and a similar jade pendant at his hands. How long ago was thatexactly?Jinyoung doesn’t know either; though, as he watches as the world aboveturn from dynasties to republics—he finds that he doesn’t really care. The daysgo on, in a seemingly endless loop. People pass away, people are born—his jobcontinues. He never does remember what it is that stops him from crossing the NaiheBridge.

 “This one’s for you.” Jaebum tells him, tossing a file overfrom across the room. “Lord Yan said to make sure you take up this case.” Headds when Jinyoung looks at him in confusion. “Why?” He inquires, flippingthrough the pages in the file.

Jackson Wang.

The name sits at the top of the file. Jinyoung takes aglance at the date—June 26th. He’s got three months time before time’s up, agap settling between earlier members on his list. He gives a questioningly lookat Jaebum, who only smiles at him meekly. “This one is…” The older malesearches for the right word, “…special.” There’s a glint in his eyes thatdon’t settle well with Jinyoung, but no matter how much he presses, Jaebumrefuses to give him any specific details. “Take your time with this one,”Jaebum tells him at last before melding into the shadows and disappearing fromsight.

Jinyoung glances up at the empty spot where Jaebum once was,a small frown settling on his face. Something, he tells himself, isn’t right.Though he isn’t sure just what it was—yet.

 The first time Jinyoung sees Jackson is a Thursdayafternoon, where the sunlight filtering through the window panes shower thewhite patient ward in golden hues. Perhaps it’s the calmness that lingers inthe air that makes him lament, or maybe it was the sight of the tiny budsadorning the winter barren trees. But Jinyoung takes a look at the sleeping boyand can’t help but think, Spring iscoming. All is reborn; but you are wilting away.

 At least, hesighs, your death would be peaceful.He takes a look through the other’s file, flipping through the pageshalfheartedly before settling into the seat by the bed. He takes a look at theother male, watching as the sunlight slowly settles into the fine lines of hisskin. The thoughts of Fleeting Youth briefly crosses his mind, where the budshave barely blossomed before its petals are already falling to the groundsbelow. Jinyoung thinks about himself, ponders upon the flower he was before hewas placed beneath the soiled grounds. Atleast, he looks at the sleeping figure, you’llbe reborn with the coming spring. He remembers the iron gates of the worldbelow. When will I pass through them, hewonders. Perhaps soon, perhaps never.

 Jackson is awake the next time Jinyoung visits him. He takesa look at the other before settling into the same old chair next to the bed.There’s a new plant on the dresser, daisies in full bloom. The vibrance of itseems blinding, the only dash of colour within the white ward. He looks at theboy in front of him, watching as the other stares at the phone in his hands.Jinyoung hovers over the other, a shadowless figure looming above as he takes acloser look at what was on the screen.

Photos.

He takes a glance at the brunette male before looking backat the phone. “You’re an athlete?” He asks despite knowing there won’t be aresponse. Though Jinyoung’s talking more to himself than the other male. Hethinks back to the other’s record, trying to remember the other’s reason ofhospitalization. He scrunches his forehead in thought. What was it? He wonders. Ah,that’s right. Car accident.

“That’s unfortunate,” he mutters with a sigh. Jinyoungglances up to the other’s figure, the wheelchair across the room entering hisperipheral vision. He recalls the black numbers upon the other’s file, a simpletwenty-two under the age of death. A feeling of suffocation seeps into hislungs, though Jinyoung knows well enough that he doesn’t need to breathe. Don’t get hung up over this, he tellshimself. You’ve seen worse.

He takes in a deep breath of air, letting it enter his lungsand settle within. He doesn’t let it back out, wanting the weight of it toreplace the emptiness of before. Jinyoung looks away from the other boy,avoiding the look of sadness that seems to well out of the other’s irises. Hegives a small wave, robes fluttering with his movements as he morphs into thewhiteness of the walls, seeping into the shadows of hell.

What are you escapingfrom? He asks himself.

 The smile doesn’t reach his eyes, he can’t help but notice.Jinyoung sits on the windowsill this time, watching as the people in front ofhim play a courteous game of avoiding the white elephant in the room. There’soccasional banter and jokes that dissolve into afterthoughts and suddensilence, sympathetic gazes and apologetic smiles. The brunette male seemssmaller than ever, seated in the middle as those around him stand. “How’spractice?” He hears him ask once again. It’s the same conversation every time.The same questions, the same answers. Same old, same old– just without you.Jinyoung fiddles with his pendant aimlessly, turning it over and over under thesunlight.

Lunchtime comes along when the shadows tilt northwest,sunlight turning a faded orange. “We brought your favourite today,” one ofJackson’s friends says. Jinyoung doesn’t fail to catch the faltering smile onJackson’s face, turning to his side to fully face the group in the room. Keep your distance, he reminds himself.The jade of his pendant seems to burn into his hand, characters etched into hispalm. Don’t, Jinyoung tells himselfas he closes his eyes trying to clear his thoughts.

He’s crossing the boundaries, trespassing into forbiddenterritory. Jinyoung looks at the boy in front of him, stepping forward to holdhis trembling hand. Just this once,he thinks. Just one time. Jinyoungstables the other’s grip, guiding the spoon to the other’s mouth. He pretendsto ignore the tensing of the other boy, pretends not to hear the relief in theother’s words. Jackson leans back in his hold, enwrapped by shadows as he eatswithout shaking hands the first time in a while.

 “Maybe angels doexist,” Jackson says to thin air that one night. The words burn intoJinyoung’s soul, claws underneath his skin. He looks at the smiling boy in theempty room with red eyes that remind him too much of blood. Maybe angels do exist, Jinyoung repliesback, empty soundwaves to the human ear.

 It’s when Jackson waters the flowers for the third time onemorning that someone finally notices. “Jia Er?” His mother calls for him,taking the glass from his hold. There’s the foreboding of fear that Jinyoungsees in her eyes, as if the pillars of her life were slowly crashing one byone. He turns away, not wanting to linger at the overwhelming gloom thatshadows the room. “What’s wrong?” He listens to Jackson ask in just about themost innocent way.

“What’s wrong?” Heasks himself as well. “Nothing,” hereassures. This was but the course of life, a loose thread slowly unraveling tothe very last patch of fabric. He listens to the sound of Jackson’s mother’sweeping at the end of the corridor while he walks towards the dresser table.The overwatered flowers stand still in time, water seeping through its roots—it won’t be long until they die, hethinks.

Wind travels from the open window, bringing movement to thestagnant room. The pages of the hanging calendar flutter slightly. Time isticking, the road is ending. Jinyoung closes his eyes for a long while,reopening them only when the thundering beneath his thoughts settle into a lowmuffle. Jackson is still there in the room, still looking out at the open door.

It’s half past four when his mom reenters the room, eyesswollen from grief and hands trembling. “It’s okay, you’ll get better.” Shetells him quietly. “The heavens won’t abandon us.”

 “The finals are today,” Jackson says aloud after breakfast. “Two days ago,” Jinyoung correctsthough Jackson can’t hear him.

“I’m sure we’re going to win.”

“The game tied.” 

“Where’d I leave my book?”

“The second drawer inthe dresser.”

Jinyoung dangles his legs in midair as he sits atop thefluorescent lights, staring down at the boy below. He gives a wave of hisrobes, watching the dust disappear from the surface of the lighting piece. Hegives a peer to Jackson, sitting quietly in the ward bed below, flippingthrough the pages of his book. “You readthis book everyday,” he comments. “Youread it everyday and flip back to the beginning because you don’t remember.” 

He thinks vaguely of the story of the girl and the ivy vine,the last leaf in the bitter winter. Perhaps, he muses, if Jackson never doesreach the end of the book, the end would never come. “Foolish,” he tells himself, propping himself upright and settlingdown in front of Jackson. He peers with kohl eyes at the human boy, reachingout to pass through the other’s overgrown bangs. “Hopeful,” he tells himself.

 The first time Jackson forgets someone is a rainy day, wherethe sound of rain and thunder fill the streets below. Mark stands on the side,hands at loss as Jackson asks for the second time, “Do I…know you?” This timearound, it comes out a lot more cautious than the first. Jinyoung pulls petalsoff imaginary flowers, dropping them into the shadows. There’s something aboutJackson’s eyes—too bright, too naive—that seems to conjure sorrow from thosearound him. Where everyone seemingly steps around the elephant in the room,quietly counting down to the endpoint beneath faltering smiles.

It’s at times like these where Jackson is the one comfortingothers, breaking silences with soft reassurance and empty promises. It’s attimes like these that Jinyoung looks at the sand falling down the hourglass andremembers that they’re running out of time. Someone like Jackson doesn’tdeserve this, where the road ahead is still so vast and beautiful. The other’sstill a blooming bud, roots pulled out of the soil before he’s fully reachedhis best moments in life.

“All good things come to an end,” he tells Jaebum whilewaving his hands through the fire of the candle.

 “That’s the wheel of fate,” the other responds, “we can onlyfollow through with it.” Jinyoung doesn’t respond, giving a small scoff as hetries to grab onto the wisp of light. The flame extinguishes in his hand, smokedissipating into the cold air. “Jinyoung,” the other male calls, voice loweringand red eyes gleaming in the dim room. “It’s time for you to move on too.” 

“To what?” He asks. “From what?” He bemuses, splaying hisarms out on the wooden table and resting his head on them as Jaebum only shakeshis head disapprovingly.

 There’s something that Jinyoung’s forgotten, memories that’sfaded with too much time, covered in grey dust of millennials ago. It sitssilently in the bottom of his thoughts, an emptiness that hits him occasionallywhen he tries to reminisce about the golden past. “You’re forgetting stuff,” hetells Jackson. The younger male animatedly talking to his (ex) teammatesdespite the fatigue that hangs underneath his eyes. “It’s okay,” he reassures,“I’ve forgotten stuff too.”

“At least you’ll move on,” he says, “walk past the gates andfind yourself anew.” Jinyoung gives a small sigh, “All I go home to is anothereternity underneath the soiled grounds, listening to the muffled screams of alleighteen levels at once.”

“Joy.” He mutters, a frown forming on his face at thethought.

 Sometimes Jackson is fine, sometimes he isn’t. Sometimes heremembers those who visit him, sometimes he forgets. Though those who come tovisit come less and less. Jinyoung tries not to dwell on it too much, shruggingit off as he continues to have one sided conversations with the younger boy.Time continues to flow, ticking down to detonation with every second. The worldseems to be wilting away as well, leaves falling off almost barren branches asthe early snow covers everything in blankets of white. Everything slows down toa calming speed as nature prepares for it’s annual rest.

The winter wind billows, snow falling off the trees and ontothe grounds below. Jinyoung flips idly through the book that Jackson’s beenreading and re-reading. The said boy sleeping quietly underneath the newblankets they brought him for the winter. He wonders what he dreams of, andwhether the world in his mind is much more vibrant than his reality. Maybe, hethinks. Perhaps that’s why Jackson would rather stay in his dreams, fallingasleep more and more often as the days grow shorter and shorter.

“It’s okay to rest ifyou’re tired,” his mother had told him.“Sleep is only to recharge for the next time you wake.” She had said thoughthey all know that ‘next time’ may never really be a ‘next time.’ Jinyoungglances at the sleeping figure, taking deep breaths as the air under the oxygenmask condenses and vaporizes. The beeping of the heart rate monitor sounds inoffbeats to the clock, a small harmony on its own.

Time ticks on,Jinyoung thinks, turning over another page of the book. The green graph on themonitor screen rises and declines in all the ups and downs of life that they’veyet to encounter. Jinyoung reaches up to run across the scar around his neck,feeling the uneven skin underneath his fingertips. Blurred memories surface inhis thoughts, as he remembers palace walls and jade seals. Crimson stains theexecution ground in kaleidoscopic ways. He looks up at the veiled figures infront of his sight, trying to focus his vision but failing. A voice sounds inthe back of his head. “I can’t die yet,” he echoes. But why? Why couldn’t hedie yet? But wasn’t he already dead?

“It’s time to moveon,” Jaebum had told him. But from what? What was holding him back? Whatwas it that he had forgotten, what was it that he had left undone? He doesn’tknow.

 Jackson doesn’t deserve to die—not now, not him. There’s somuch left undone, so much left unexplored in the years after. So why? Why werethe heavens always ending everything worthwhile like so? He questions—heresents—but he more than knows that there’s nothing that can stop him fromdoing so. The calendar on the wall slowly marks down to the endpoint. “Are youafraid of dying?” He whispers even though those who can hear him are those whoare no longer there.

“You’re holding onto too much,” Jaebum’s voice sounds frombehind him. The air turns a stale blue, lack of warmth (of life) that seeminglycovers everything in veils of grey. “Onto what?” He questions though Jaebumdoesn’t answer. “It’s over,” Jaebum tells him. “Once it’s over, it’s over.” Hesays.

There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to understand, andJinyoung only avoids the other’s gaze, turning to look at the barren branchesoutside the frosted window. “Is this why he gave the case to me?” He questions,trying to appear calm though his faltering voice betrays him. ”Not everyonelives until the very end, Jinyoung. And not everyone lives out their ultimatepurpose. It’s time to let go.” Jaebum says.

And it isn’t until the other has left and the room hasfinally returned to its usual warmth that Jinyoung unfolds his fist, reachingup with trembling hands to glide against the rigid wound that encircles hisneck. There’s a burn in his eyes, warmth that scalds him as the tears finallyfall down his cheeks.

 “Jia Er!” He shoutsamidst the chaos of the battlefield, abruptly pulling the rein as he halts to astop. “Jia Er!” He calls again, searching around for the armour clad figure.The royal flag stands alone, red emblem mixing with the red that pools beneath theirfeet. “You can’t die,” Zhen Rong mutters under his breath, “You promised me.”

The distant rhythm ofthe military drums beat in unison with his heartbeat, muffling the soundsaround him. They’re fighting a losing battle, heated blood and dreams lost withinthe royal courts and veiled rulers. It’s a sea of red, the setting sun dousingeverything into shades of crimson.

 “I can’t die yet,” hetells himself when the coldness of the blade falls upon his neck. “I have tofind him.”

 It’s nearing the end of winter, plants sprouting underneaththe snow covered groups. All the world’s reawakening, and Jackson finally fallsinto his dreams forever. “Are you afraid of dying?” He asks Jackson as thegraph slowly flattens to a straight line, a toned pitch resonating within theroom. Though it’s much later that Jackson responds to his question with, “It’ssomething that I knew was coming.”

His parents sit by the bed, tears welling in his father’seyes as his mother’s sobs echo in the small room. Jinyoung watches as Jacksonbids his farewells, trying to hug them with non-physical touches. The youngermale follows behind him slowly, traveling through the twists and turns of theunderworld. “What’s your name?” He asks, soft smile contrasting the coldnessaround them.

“Jinyoung.”

“Have you always been here?”

“Here?”

“With me,” he clarifies. “Sometimes I think there’s someonethere with me—looking over me so that I’m not too alone.”

There’s a muted pain that gathers in his chest, a softnumbing that overcomes him. “Yeah,” he finally lets out shakily with a smallsmile. Jinyoung catches the sight of Jaebum out of the corner of his eye, “Iwas here this time around.”

Jackson gives him a fuller smile, eyes upturning, “Then Iguess you could count as a guardian angel. You look more like an angel than adeath god.” He looks up in confusion, “Aren’t death gods supposed to be scaryand monster-like?” Jackson gives a bad impression of one, hunching his back andmaking a contorted expression.

“What gave you that idea?”

“Death Note.”

“….”

 ”Any regrets?” Jinyoung asks hesitantly when they part waysat the bridge. The crowd of spirits hovering by as they wait to cross one byone. “Plenty,” Jackson says grimly before running a hand through his hairawkwardly. “But then again, I guess regrets in life make the next lifeworthwhile.”

“Perhaps,” Jinyoung says, eyes casting down. The flames ofthe fire wavers, shadows dancing upon the stone walls. Jinyoung gives Jackson asmall smile before whispering his farewell, cloak melding into the darkness.

 Jaebum gives the document a stamp, tossing it into the stackwith the other folders. “You hear that? Regrets are to make the next life worthwhile.” Jinyoung gives him a scowl,“When was overhearing a part of your hobbies?” The raven haired male onlyshrugs. “They say that fate transcends three lives of reincarnation.”

“Perhaps,”

“So are you ready to be fired or resign before you’reofficially fired?”

“Fired so you can now compensate me my salary.”

“You can’t even use this money in the next life!” Jaebumshouts.

“Then save it up for my next, next afterlife.” Jinyoungpans, silk robes fluttering behind him as he turns around.