#beer crates
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I love all of your analysis of these two losers ❤️ I have yet to read the full essay (soon! I just need time) but have you done a part on this NPC who talks about (supposedly alhaitham) a big guy buying crates of wine and muttering something about it being enough for an apology?
I can't remember exactly where but it was a merchant in either sumeru city or port ormos. I'm leaning on the city and possibly in the inner market near the theatre. I'll try looking tomorrow and send you another ask
Hiya! Thank you so much for your ask! I’m so glad to hear you’re enjoying the haikaveh brainrot hehe, we’re all in the basement together! <3
I know the one you’re referring to! This should be it, it’s from a vendor in the Grand Bazaar:
I didn’t mention this in the essay because of it being speculatory, but I’m more than ready to speculate here. I agree, this is most likely an inference to Alhaitham, not only considering his status as a Mahamata but also due to the fact that it’s an integral part of Alhaitham’s character that he prefers to be unknown. Even when he serves as the Acting Grand Sage, people don’t typically recognise him due to how little known he is despite his primary role as the Grand Scribe, as seen in his story quest. This would align with why the vendor admittedly has no idea who this particular customer was.
Drinking, particularly wine, can also relate to both Kaveh and Alhaitham, as this is an activity they both partake in together. Alhaitham’s voice-lines express that he likes to have a drink after work, along with his demo showing him drinking wine with Kaveh, Cyno and Tighnari, and him apparently stealing Kaveh’s beer in A Parade of Providence. Similarly, Kaveh also states his preference for drinking in his voice-lines, as well as his overindulgence in this hobby being highlighted in his hangout. Additionally, the furniture item ‘Monthly Frustration Be-Gone’ references Kaveh buying expired wine in order to get a discount.
Since this is an NPC conversation, it’s also worth noting other external worldbuilding details, such as the bulletin boards of Sumeru. In the three exchanges Alhaitham and Kaveh have, all of them reference drinking in some way, in that Alhaitham typically indulges Kaveh by paying for his tabs – revoking this only when they have a disagreement. Lambad also notes that Alhaitham and Kaveh go drinking together, as well as Kaveh picking up wine ordered by Alhaitham.
Alhaitham buying wine for Kaveh to make up for some disagreement between the two aligns with all these established details. When considering the typical exchange of Alhaitham refusing to pay for Kaveh’s drinks when Kaveh disagrees with Alhaitham’s views, it makes sense that it would also work in reverse – as in, when Alhaitham trespasses on Kaveh’s views which leads to Kaveh’s upset, Alhaitham would buy him drinks to make up for it
Alongside this, character description wise, there is no other convincing contender as to who else this could be? Alhaitham uses the tall male model, and is the only tall, relevant member of the Mahamata that the player is aware of.
Given all these context clues the game gives us, I’d say, yeah, this is our resident loser Alhaitham!!
If I’m honest I think about this dialogue a lot :DDD so thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about it hehehe I hope you enjoy the essay when you find the time :’) <3
#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham#kaveh#haikaveh meta#genshin meta#also im just clocking that they say they like drinking in number 5 of their more about voice lines i hate them#we GET IT!! YOU GUYS HANG OUT ALL THE TIME#you guys are comfortable with each other!! alhaitham steals your beer and takes sips of your wine!!!#alhaitham pays for your tabs when he clearly doesnt have to do that!! he buys you a whole crate of wine when you dont want to talk to him!!#this has turned into me yelling at kaveh#like baby boy wake up pls <333#yeah no thank you for this ask i love this lil dialogue so much its such a <3 detail!!
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#DiorGoldHouse#christian dior#decadence#looks like a stack of beer crates#apo nattawin#apo#porsche#mile phakphum#mile#kinnporsche
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Sapporo. Kami-Ikebukuro. Toshima City. Tokyo, Japan.
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the states dont have crate day how am i supposed to explain what kind of guy wiremu is when u dont understand what it means to be a Crate Day Guy
#its the first saturday of december (first saturday of summer in nz) and u buy a crate of beer#(24x 750ml bottles) and u have from noon until midnight to finish them (2 bottles an hour)#it is a Nightmare of a time bc people obviously get way too drunk and a Lot of people can not drink that much#in general let alone in the time limit#so mostly people will share crates or at least my friends tend to#but like. there are the kind of guys who are always Pumped for crate day and go super hard and i think wiremus like that#hes a very. hes a casual beer drinker in the way a Lot of people in nz are (read: borderline alcoholics)#but hes a bigger guy w a high tolerance so he very rarely gets hammered#wiremu: headcanons.
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Thinking about how Kawi was wearing Pisaeng's clothes during that kiss scene because he showed up at Pisaeng's house with nothing but the clothes on his back and sunglasses, and the sunglasses are probably for a hangover. Man! He is so lucky he can go back in time and stop himself from becoming an alcoholic
#that his shirt was the kind of thing sarah lynn in bojack horseman would wear really had the alchoholic allegations beating him up#even before he drank like an entire crate of beer by himself#that's drowning your sorrows levels of alchohol and he wasn't even in a hurry to not be lucid at that point in time#be my favourite#be my favorite the series#be my favorite#kawi
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Im actually being fr i think i broke my mfing pinky toe
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Just realized I‘ve never posted this illustration back in January, so here we go!
One of Hellmuth‘s side passions beside music is flowers/plants - especially wild flowers. Maybe because they‘re the only ones capable of surviving his watering „skills“?
#art#illustration#digitalart#artists on tumblr#comic#cartoon#owncharacters#ocs#lauslazyocs#lauslazyartlounge#lauslazyhellmuth#ginreapers#beer crates make good balcony boxes
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Now I can finally move on from his room in chp 8 and focus on chp 11 (ㆆ _ ㆆ). Yeah, I bet Shin never brought a woman in there with all that mess furniture. Yes, I hc his friends giving him housewarming gifts and that he's the sort of person to hoard all his gifts and fondly display them in his room, despite them clashing with the style he's going for. BenWaka's zabutons are actually where they sit because they're sick with the crates. Shin has two ashtrays because Takeomi gave the other one to him, but he didn't realize Shin already had a similar-looking one at his place. I used the term bachelor because I laugh at my own lame jokes ✌️
#writing#green light#not really a draft - just felt like commenting lol#i will always hc shin being a hoarder and a cheapskate#mans would literally choose to sit on beer crates than buy himself a good stool
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A crate of beer takes up punting.
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Model of the Collection of Wooden pallet set of various sizes and Beer crate for 11 bottles.
Link to see more about this model on Turbosquid.com:
https://www.turbosquid.com/3d-models/beer-crate-for-11-bottles-and-europallet-set-1886669?referral=amanitacz
Link to the whole gallery:
https://www.turbosquid.com/Search/Artists/AmanitaCZ?referral=amanitacz
Link to the software:
http://www.cazaba.cz/
#graphic#computer graphics#amanitacz#cazaba#3d#model#3d model#wooden#pallet#europallet#transport#packaging#cargo#load#freight#forklift#beer#bottle#crate#eleven#beverage#drink
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seven minutes in heaven
warnings: suggestive but no actual smut, mature themes, dry humping, tongue kissing.
summary: a game of seven minutes in heaven leads to reader and jj stuck in a closet together.
pairings: childhood!bsf!jj x childhood!bsf!reader
requested by this ask (thank you anon!) i dont know much about the game, so if i got one of the steps wrong, im sorry in advance.
you and the rest of the pogues gathered together on a saturday night to drink beers, smoke weed, and play spin the bottle. typical pogue shit.
all of you were sat in a circle on the carpet in the living room floor of the chateau. there was a glass beer bottle in the middle of all seven of you.
for a half hour, the game was spin the bottle. everyone's facial expressions quickly grew bored. John B, and Sarah were talking about something totally different, Pope and Cleo gone to grab a new crate of beers.
After a few more moments of all of you staring at the wall blankly, Kiara's the first to break the awkward silence. "hey what's that game we all used to play when we were sophmores?" she asks, twirling a piece of her curly hair around her pointer finger.
after kiara speaks, jjs facial expression changes to one of interest. he thinks for a moment and then speaks, "the one where you get locked in a closet for like ten minutes?" he asks
Pope rounds the corner with a few beers tucked in his arm. Cleo not far behind him "seven minutes." he corrects, pointing a finger at him.
jj rolls his eyes at the correction and mimics a mouth with his hand, mocking his words "seven minutes" he says, trying his best to sound as much like pope as possible.
you flick the back of jjs neck, mumbling a shut up to him. he lets out a high pitched ow and rolls his eyes, but ultimately he stops his mocking.
John b turns back towards the group at the mention of the new game. "are we finally gonna play something other than spin the bottle? im kinda tired of landing on Sarah." he teases
Sarah shoves him playfully, and then turns back to the topic of conversation. "Yeah we should play, it sounds fun. how does it work?" she asks, tilting her head slightly.
Pope speaks up this time, "we spin a bottle for two people, whichever two people it lands on, they go in a closet together for seven minutes to do whatever they want." he adds with a hint of suggestion at the end of his sentence.
jj smirks and turns to look at you, memories of the last time you two played this game when you were fifteen, when you shared your first kiss.
it was the first kiss for both of you, so it was sloppy and had a lot of teeth and tongue, it was sickening to think about, but never forgotten.
jj pipes up next, "yup we can play. this games borin' anyways." he says with a shrug.
everyone else agrees and shifts themselves back into a circle on the carpet. Pope places the bottle in the middle, then darting his eyes from one pogue to another.
"so whos first?" pope speaks
jj doesn't waste a second in volunteering to go first. "me! uh- ill spin first." he says, clearing his throat. everyones eyes fly to jj, giving him a questioning look.
"dude you answered that way too fast." john b says with a growing smirk on his face, his eyes now flickering between me and jj sitting beside one another.
"dude shut up!" jj says, before reaching forward and spinning the glass bottle, he crosses his arms and sneakily crosses his fingers hoping, praying, that it lands on you.
everyones eyes are glued intensely to the bottle, the tension in the small room palpable.
eventually the bottle comes to a stop, the tip of it pointing right to your knee. jj has to hold back from jumping up and saying something like hell yeah!
he instantly stands up, holding his hand out for you to take. "cmon m'lady." he teases, and looks at you with his typical shit eating grin.
you roll your eyes and take his hand, standing up and walking to the closed closet with him.
"i bet everyone can guess what they're gonna do in that closet." john b says with a smirk, as he watches jj open the closet door and enter.
"gross! i dont even wanna think about it." kie adds on, then everyone starts to whisper about both of you in the open circle.
as you both get in the cramped closet, jj takes a seat on stacked boxes that clearly say "fragile" but he obviously doesn't seem to mind. he looks up at you still standing there awkwardly in the dimly lit space.
"seems oddly familiar, doesn't it?" he teases. your brain floods with memories of you and jj in the same situation back in sophomore year.
you both had been in this exact crammed closet, deciding you could both share you first kiss together. it was sloppy, uncoordinated, and you both were trying to figure out a comfortable spot to place your hands. it was an awkward and uncomfortable kiss, but it was stuck in your brain nonetheless.
"yeah, really familiar." you chuckle nervously, looking around, and tapping your foot on the ground. you avoid eye contact with the blonde, hoping this seven minutes would pass by quickly.
he notices your shift in mood, and he smirks. he spreads his legs and moves his arms behind his head as he speaks.
"you know, were in here for a whole seven minutes. we should put it to good use, right?" he was enjoying making you nervous, and teasing you.
when he doesn't get a response, he gently pulls you onto his lap so your straddling him. he looks up into your eyes in the dimly lit closet, with something you cant quite describe.
before you know it, your both leaning in slowly, jj is the one to connect his lips with yours. the kiss was gentle and chaste at first, your mouths moving passionately against one another.
jjs hands find their way to your waist, gently caressing the flesh. you take that as a sign to move your hands up his torso, then settling your arms around his neck, all while continuing to kiss him passionately.
the kiss grows more intense over time, your tongues fighting for dominance against one another. eventually you catch yourself grinding your hips against his, as you both makeout.
minutes go by, and he finds himself lost in your kisses and the way your grinding your hips against his. his cock doesn't take long to stir in his cargo shorts.
when you feel his buldge press up against you, your hips move a little faster, the kisses becoming more desperate. before you know it, a light is shining in the closet and the sound of the door creaking fills your ears.
you pull away from jjs lips briefly to look at who opened the door.
"seven minutes are up, lovebirds." john b says with a jerk of his head, motioning for you two to get out the closet with a smirk.
#jj maybank#outer banks#imagine#fluff#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x reader#obx fic#rafe cameron#the kooks#jj mayback imagine#jj maybank icons#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank x you#obx jj#jj obx#jj maybank rp#jj maybank series#jj maybank fic recs#jj maybank prompt#jj maybank obx#jj maybank outer banks#jj maybank one shot#jj maybank blurb#jj maybank drabble#jj maybank concept#jj maybank texts#jj maybank thoughts#jj maybank edit#rafe outer banks
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Wine Cellar Expansive New York Huge idea for a craftsman wine cellar
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Never made it as a wise man
(joel miller x f!reader)
Description: Joel solves your car troubles for free, and you try to return the favor with a homecooked meal. When you accidentally interrupt his jerkoff session, you take a chance and help him out.
Note: y’all are out here answering god’s toughest questions, like what if emotionally unavailable Joel was loved unconditionally? or what if Joel was the Mothman?, and I deeply appreciate that.
However, today, I am here to answer a question that nobody asked– What if Joel was a divorced dad rock kinda guy?
You know, like, listening to Nickelback on an old-school boombox in his garage, or unironically singing Creed on the way to work, or bonding with Ellie over Papa Roach? And also, (inspired by a genius) what if he was a little bit pathetic?
Anyway, I present to you: divorced dad rock dilf, Joel, ta-da! (my humble submission for @hellishjoel‘s hot dilf summer challenge) obvs dedicated to: @auteurdelabre
ao3: read here | masterlist: here | part 2 here | part 3 here
Tags/warnings: AU no outbreak divorced Joel x f!reader, Sarah is not mentioned, but Ellie is your adult coworker, reader is clueless about cars and so am I, gratuitous smut and horny thoughts, implied jorkin’ joel but no witnesses, hand job, fingering, premature ejaculation, touch starved kinda loserish but hot divorced dilf joel, he’s a real tiddy guy in this one and idk why it just happened, pwp, is it a crackfic? maybe, but i meant it wholeheartedly so idk
WC: 4.2k
You pull onto the long driveway, hoping to see Joel’s truck. You forgot to text first to see if he would be around, but he did tell you to come by if you ever needed anything. You mostly just hope he’ll be willing to accept your gift.
Last week, he’d helped you out by fixing your car. He told you what the issue was, but he might as well have been speaking another language when he described it. You had already brought coffee and a plate of cookies to your coworker Ellie to thank her for dragging you to Joel’s to ask for help. Being in a new town was hard enough, but you had no idea how you would handle the price for diagnostics, let alone whatever the repair would’ve cost. You tried to offer Joel the cash you had as a thanks, but he wouldn’t accept it. You tried to argue with him, but Ellie told you it wasn’t worth arguing with him. He wouldn’t budge. Instead, he had offered to change your oil for you, making you feel even more indebted to him.
At first, the most you got out of Ellie for intel on Joel was that he was the one responsible for you having to listen to “One Last Breath” and “Lips of an Angel” at ungodly early hours. Ellie claimed that her music taste was deeply influenced by Joel, and somehow, Ellie is always in charge of the music at work. When you rolled your eyes calling it divorced dad rock, she let it slip that you were right about that.
That explains a lot when you remember the brief time you spent in his house and shop. The house was clean inside but not tidy. Stray beer bottles and travel mugs dotted the counter and coffee table. But the shop had all the Divorced Dad Barbie accessories.
The project car and crates of assorted parts. The beer fridge and the plastic lawn chairs in the corner for bullshitting with whoever stopped by. The boombox on the workbench with the stack of CDs. And the fading calendar from another decade with the naked woman kneeling on the beach.
You hadn’t been able to stop your eyes from darting to her sultry expression and swimsuit model-perfect breasts when Joel had been explaining what he was going to do to your car. You wondered if the heat burning in your cheeks had given you away, but he didn’t notice then. Ellie sure did, though, and she had rolled her eyes at you, noting it had been up so long she even forgot it was there.
Luckily, Ellie didn’t notice your eyes lingering on Joel’s body. You weren’t trying to be a creep, but the way his arm flexed when he opened the hood of your car gave you some feral brand of intrusive thoughts. The ratty band t-shirt and the faded jeans were working for him, too, or at least they were doing something for you. Time slowed when your eyes trailed over his arms and down the muscles of his broad back. He just seemed so… solid. You finally understood what your friends back home meant when they said they wanted to climb a man like a tree. You had jumped a little when Ellie slammed the fridge behind you and shouted at Joel about how he can’t just live in the shop drinking shitty beer and eating beef jerky. She had grabbed your arm to drag you to the house for an iced tea while he worked.
Her comment sparked your idea. You figured Joel must be a utilitarian type. He probably lives on frozen pizzas–or even worse, those Hungry-Man frozen TV dinners–instead of making himself something fresh. Maybe he’s one of those guys who got really into smoking meats instead. Either way, you hope the lasagna you made from scratch and the other tray of cookies will be an acceptable thank you for his help. He can’t refuse it if you already made it, right?
You pull up next to a truck, assuming it’s his, and that he’s home. Before you grab the tray, you pause to check your reflection and adjust your breasts in your white tank top, making sure your cleavage pokes out as temptingly as possible.
You check yourself in the mirror with a look. Why does it matter what you look like? It’s not like you’re trying to fuck your only (almost) friend’s dad, right? Although she calls him by his first name, not Dad, so maybe there’s like a loophole or something if she’s adopted. You think about the calendar model and her perfect tits hanging on the wall over his tools. It can’t hurt to just do a little harmless flirting, right? Maybe you aren’t even his type anyway.
After knocking on the door a couple of times, you frown, wondering if he’s not home. On the way back to your car, with your head hung in defeat, your ears perk up at the sound of something clanging in the shop. Of course!
You skitter back to the front porch to leave your goods by the door and head for the shop to find that divorced DILF–Joel, you mean. It’s sweltering out, and sweat is beading on your chest after only a few minutes in the heat. The closer you get, the more easily you can make out the sound of his little CD player blasting another brooding, raspy ballad sung by a white man with a troubled love life.
The garage door is shut, so you knock on the door on the side of the building. You wait a minute before testing your luck and opening the door yourself. Assessing the shop, you don’t see your man, sorry, Joel, at first glance. The music blasts, and the calendar model gives you the same impish smirk through her false lashes and a layer of dust, but there’s no Joel. The evidence clearly dictates that he’s in here somewhere, as his tools are strung around his project, the lights are on, and a beer with a sweating label sits on the edge of the workbench.
You aren’t trying to be sneaky. You didn’t think to holler and announce your presence over the music. Plus, you didn’t fully get your bearings the last time you were here. Now, you can pick up a few more details as your eyes absorb everything they can about anything that gives you a hint about who this guy is.
The guy that’s been haunting your dreams for a week. Last week, when you walked back to the shop with Ellie to check on your car, you nearly tripped, watching Joel wipe the sweat off his face with the bottom of his shirt. You had just caught a glimpse of the trail of hair disappearing under his jeans, but it was enough to replay in your mind every night as you created your little scenarios to carry you off to sleep.
The scent memory was somehow worse. It was so easy to transport yourself back in time with the thought of the sweaty musk and the grease or oil smeared on his fingers. It shouldn’t turn you on, right?
You remember thinking he seemed so knowledgeable when describing the issue. You had no idea what he was talking about, but his low voice and patience were enough to tell you he could talk you through anything.
You notice a few other details as you enter his sacred space today. The woodworking projects, the band posters, and the pictures with Ellie and other family members tacked to the wall over another workbench.
Still, no Joel, however.
You circle the partially disassembled project truck and see a door to another room. It would be the office if the shop were a professional business. There’s a window along the wall, but instead of a boss watching an employee, it’s you hoping to see that brawny man and his dark curls.
As you step closer, you nearly squeal. There he is. Well, at least, you can see the broad shoulders and back you’ve been picturing above you in bed. You practically skip to the door. It’s already open a crack, and you give it a knock, calling his name as it swings open from the force of your rapping knuckles.
The next moment is a blur.
“Shit, fuck, hold on!” Joel shouts gruffly as he slams the door in your face. But you already heard it. The phony wailing noises that came from the busted speaker on his phone.
You still face the closed door, trying to process the interaction before he wrenches the door back open. He’s breathing rapidly, chest rising and falling, as he looks at you with wide eyes that quickly narrow.
“What are you doing here?” he barks.
Your hands fall to your sides, and you start to step back, ready to turn and run.
He catches your fear and tries to adjust, but you’re faster.
“Sorry,” you mumble as you turn and try to dash away. Joel’s quick, too, though, and he grabs your wrist.
“Hey, wait,” he loosens his grip when you spin back towards him, “I just didn’t hear you comin’. Wasn’t expecting you.”
“Sorry,” you repeat, stuttering as you continue, “I-I just, uh, just wanted to say thanks for your help last week.” You stare at the floor. Unsure why you’re embarrassed, you feel so small after he saw your face and practically shouted at you.
“All right,” he rumbles. You’re too busy staring at the crack in the concrete floor to notice how his eyes are glued to your exposed skin. Or to see the blotchy red flush that crawls up his neck and toward his face.
But your brain starts to catch up. Joel might’ve snapped at you, but you’re the one that caught him in the act. You don’t lift your head, but your eyes trail over his stained and faded jeans until you’re studying his crotch.
Bingo. It’s almost too easy. You can make out the outline of his erection tucked up in his waistband. Even more glaring evidence is the open fly. You wish you had caught what he was watching. How does he like it? What does he search for when he wants to jerk off in the back office on a hot Saturday afternoon?
He clears his throat, and you snap your attention to his face. “Was there somethin’ you needed?” He asks.
“Yes.” You tell him you’ve got a lasagna that should get into a fridge before it reheats in the sun. He follows you toward the front door and into the house, not missing how your hips sway as you lead.
Once the tray is shoved into the fridge, nestled between some takeout containers, he turns to thank you. “You didn’t need to do all that,” he gruffs over the cookies and homemade meal.
You step back to lean against the counter, littered with mail and more coffee cups, and let yourself check him out up close. His faded Creed t-shirt has holes around the neck. He’s got that same sweaty man musk going on, and you wish you knew why that stirred your arousal, but your pussy lacks logic.
“I know, I know,” you reply, “but you really saved my ass with the car, and I wanted to do something for you. You know, some way to pay you back?”
“All right, well, thanks,” he trails off. He doesn’t seem to know what else to say. Maybe you should be on your way already, but he’s not ushering you out the door.
This time, you do catch when his eyes drop to your chest. There’s no way you’re imagining the tension between you as you stand in his kitchen while he stares at your barely clothed tits, right? Fuck it. You’re gonna go for it.
You take a step towards him. “I wasn’t sure if it was really enough,” your voice is soft and tempting, and your sweet perfume wafts towards him like a lust potion. Joel swallows thickly as you approach.
He knows you must’ve put it together, but he tried to delude himself. Maybe you couldn’t hear the theatrical screams of the woman he was watching get railed before he slammed the door in your face. He hopes all you heard was Chad Kroeger’s voice screaming, “This time I'm mistaken
For handin' you a heart worth breakin'” from the stereo.. on the other side of the shop.
“You worked so hard,” you continued with one final step, and now you’re nearly toe-to-toe in front of him. “There has to be something else I could do.” You’re so close to him. He forgets to respond. It takes all his power to keep his eyes on your face.
You have a wild urge to taste the sweat on his neck, but you keep your tongue to yourself. He hasn’t made any move to encourage you, but he hasn’t stopped you yet either, so you figure it’s worth taking a risk.
“Maybe you’ve got a problem I could help you with.” You go for it, reaching your hand out to palm at the bulge in his jeans.
Again, too many things happen at once. Joel snaps out a “What?” in disbelief. His hand circles your wrist tightly. His hips jerk, involuntarily bucking into your palm. Your glossy lips part into an “o” shape at the size of his not-quite-hard cock. And now you’re both locked into this position like statues.
His fingers stay firmly wrapped around your wrist, but he doesn’t pull you away. Your fingers squeeze over his jeans, and your eyes flash wide as you can feel his cock twitch and stiffen at your touch. The touch that rapidly overrides your better judgment, drowning you in want. Your clit twitches itself in response, your nipples strain under your thin tank top, and your eyelids feel heavy immediately.
“What are you doing?” His voice crackles like he hadn’t just used it. You slide your hand to pop the button on his jeans, and he releases your wrist as you flip it to slip your fingers under the waistband of his boxers in search of his cock.
“Let me help,” you say in more of a whispered tone. The searing heat between Joel’s legs makes you salivate. Your fingers graze coarse curls before you acquire your target, wrapping your palm and fingers around his thick shaft. His size has your cunt throbbing in your shorts.
Joel’s eyes are squeezed shut. He looks nearly in pain. You pull your hand back out to let the pool of saliva on your tongue drip into your palm.
“Jesus,” he breathes out, watching your lewd maneuver. “You wanna help?” He repeats your plea in the form of a question, a little dumbfounded. He’s trying to figure out what’s happening right now.
“I do,” you answer in a honeyed voice as you dig your hand back into his pants. He’s unable to respond with words as you swirl your palm over the head of his cock, mixing saliva and precome, but his body eggs you on. He bucks into your fist, and you work quickly, pumping his throbbing length. The slick noises are muffled by the layers of clothing, but the grunts that catch in his throat shoot piping-hot desire straight into your core.
He looks a little desperate, eyes slammed shut again, jaw slack, arms hanging uselessly at his side. And for god knows why, the entire scene pulls a moan from your lips. The sweet sound snaps Joel back to attention. His hands shoot straight to your breasts, cupping them gently to feel them bounce against the motion of your arm wrestling with his jeans to keep stroking his cock.
They’re so close to spilling over your tank top on their own. Joel can’t resist tugging the thin material until they spill over the top. The sight alone nearly has him coming in his pants. But then you moan so loudly when he squeezes them both and pinches at your nipples, and he really can’t stop.
“Fuck, fuck, wait,” he spits out, but it’s too late. His hips jerk erratically, thrusting into your slick fist, and he’s coming. It coats your hand and wrist and makes an absolute mess. You relax your grip when his whole body seems to shudder and gently remove your hand. He tries to choke his groan of frustration before it surfaces, but he immediately pauses his shame spiral when he sees you suck your come-coated fingers one by one.
“God, that’s so fucking hot,” you tell him. At the same time, he’s muttering curses at the sight of you. You’re feeling a little giddy that all it took was your hand and showing your tits to have Joel losing control and spilling his load for you. It has your mouth curling into an impish grin.
He’s got the sight of you half topless in his kitchen, licking your fingers, looking awfully proud of yourself, etching into his memory. Before the blood can return to his brain, he grabs you tightly by the ribs and walks you backward towards the counter. He lifts you onto it and wrenches open your shorts, yanking at them as you lift your hips so he can slide them off of you and drop them onto the kitchen floor.
Yes! Yes! Yes! The horny little goblins in your brain shriek and chant, incited by the rough and impulsive way Joel gropes at you. It’s barbaric, and that delights you.
Sitting on the counter, you give him such perfect access to put his mouth on your breasts that he forgets what he was going to say. He mouths at each of them wetly, his beard tickling you as he’s busy sucking marks into your delicate skin. He sucks and bites at your strained nipples until your loud whines turn into a sharp gasp, and he pulls back.
The heavy-lidded look on your face has him diving back in for more, and you groan and arch into his touch. You rake your fingers into the curls at the back of his neck and tug at him. He grunts and moans into your skin, and it drives you wild. You need to feel him closer.
You grab the worn cotton on his shoulders until he lets you slip the shirt over his head and drop it onto the counter next to you. It gives you the briefest moment to take in the sight of his built chest and shoulders and softer midsection with that trail of hair you had memorized. You need to taste the salt on his skin.
Spreading your legs wider, he slots his hips against yours at the edge of the counter, and you run your tongue along his neck. You slide one of your hands down the smooth golden skin of his shoulder, and the other nestles back in his messy curls as his mouth finds yours.
He tastes like cheap coffee and the peppermint nicotine gum parked above his teeth along the left side of his mouth. You know it’s wrong that you can’t get enough. But you're helpless when he pulls your bottom lip between his teeth, and you mindlessly roll your hips, seeking any relief.
He’s grumbling in your ear about how it seems like you need help now, but you couldn’t care less about the words coming out of his mouth. His deep voice alone could get you off. You let out an uninhibited whine at the thought.
“Jesus Christ,” he pulls back. His head hangs, staring at the floor. He shakes it in what you assume is disbelief. You don’t want to wait for him to think any further. You grab his hand, pulling it between your legs.
“Really, fucking, hot.” You echo your earlier declaration. Doing your best to sound assertive. You figure at least your soaked panties will prove your point.
“Fuck,” he stifles a groan. You’re so wet it coats his fingertips through the thin material. He nudges his fingers into you, over your panties, and you whimper for him. The fabric sticks to you and makes an obscene sound as he toys with you for only seconds. “Oh, you do need my help. Hm?”
You nod, spreading your legs wider for Joel to have access. He scoffs at you, displayed eagerly atop his kitchen counter. “Just desperate for me, aren’t ya?”
You snap your legs back shut with a glare.
“No way,” you press, jabbing a finger into his chest, “you don’t get to laugh at me like I’m a slut for you when you just came in your pants for me.”
His nostrils flare, and blotchy red patches creep up his neck again. You aren’t sure what kind of bear you’ve just, quite literally, poked.
“But you are, aren’t you?” He challenges. “You came all this way in this excuse for a shirt, just for me.”
He wedges his hand back between your closed thighs, and you relax just enough to let him work his way back to your core. Your breathing gives you away when it hitches and stutters as he traces his fingers along the hem of the fabric between your legs. You let your legs fall a little wider apart, and he sinks a finger beneath the hem and right inside of you to the knuckle.
A whiny noise rolls in the back of your throat.
“Shh,” he sinks a second finger inside of you, and your muscles spasm and contract, “that’s better, hmm?” He slowly pulls his fingers almost all the way out and then plunges them back in. He repeats this, and your core tenses as you writhe for him.
“You need more?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah, you do.” He adds a third finger, and the slight stretch makes you hum.
“You just need to be filled up, hm?” He teases you. Awfully confident now for a guy you just caught watching porn on his phone in a grimy back office in the middle of the afternoon.
But your noises and impatient movements spur him on. His sticky cock is filling out his jeans again. He nearly drools at the thought of the wet walls of your cunt, currently wrapped around his fingers, sliding over his cock instead. He knows you want it, too.
“Don’t you?” He asks like you could read his mind.
“Hm?” You hum absently. Empty headed. You’re still taken by the entire pulpy, messy scene.
Reveling in the vulnerability of being spread open on his cluttered counter as you’re both half-dressed and panting in the other’s hot breath. Any semblance of the lightness of your mood is quickly replaced with a blinding need. His fingers work into you, making obscene sounds, and then you add your own fingers. Circling your swollen clit just as he lets you in on his vision.
“You wanna bounce on my lap. Fill this pussy with my cock.”
“Yes,” you hiss as you hover at the edge.
“Yeah, that’s it,” he watches your fingers working deftly over your swollen clit. The encouragement tips you over. Your body jolts erratically as you contract around his fingers, and bright sparks of pleasure course through you.
“Yeah, you’re gonna ride me like fuckin’ champ,” he decides. You pull at his wrist when you start to feel overwhelmed, and he slides his wet fingers over your soft inner thigh. He’s ready to grab you and carry you to the couch when both of your heads snap to attention at the sound of a door slamming in the driveway.
“Shit,” he grumbles, looking for the clock on the stove before he remembers it’s definitely not set to the right time. You move nimbly, shimmying into your shorts, snapping your straps back over your shoulder, and brushing your hair out of your face.
“Hey, wait,” he calls for you, but you’re on the move.
“Let me know when I can pick up the baking dish,” you call over your shoulder. Luckily, Joel’s next guest seemed to know him better. They were off to search the shop first, so you didn’t collide with anyone before you got to your car. Joel stayed locked in the kitchen, catching his breath while you started to pull away. He didn’t see that you stole his dirty Creed shirt off the counter before you skipped out the door.
When you grab it later to wear to bed, a naughty little smile tugs at the corners of your lips. When you pull the worn fabric to your nose to inhale deeply, you wonder if it’s one of those weird pheromone matches or something because you’re sure the sweaty man musk should be wrinkling your nose.
Instead, it makes you think of his big arms and chest filling out the shirt. And how his shoulder and back muscles ripple under his sun-bronzed skin. What they’d look like coated in a sheen of salty sweat as he railed you, bent over his workbench, under the watchful eye of the calendar model and her flirty smize.
The image has you interrupting your own scenarios-before-bed time. Maybe Joel needs a model from this decade. You giggle, bunching up the t-shirt to snap a tasteful shot of some underboob cleavage, with the faded Creed logo on full display.
You send it off with no context, figuring it’s self-explanatory. It’s less than a minute before your phone buzzes, and you feel the intoxicating rush rip through your body before you pick it up to see just the heading on your lockscreen:
Joel
Attachment 1 image
part 2 here | part 3 here
divider by @cyberangel-graphics
Please let me know if you enjoyed or hated this or a secret third thing (???) heheh
#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#hotdilfsummerchallenge#joel miller#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfiction#fanfic#joel miller au#joel miller fanfic#joel miller fic#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x f!reader#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction
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New York Wine Cellar Inspiration for a huge craftsman wine cellar remodel with storage racks
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New York Wine Cellar Inspiration for a huge craftsman wine cellar remodel with storage racks
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