#been wanting to gif this in 4k since forever lmao

[arcanegifs]

ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 1x05 - "Everybody Wants to Be My Enemy" ↳ "You're hot, cupcake"

[hxney-lemcn]

Reunions and Resolved Misunderstandings — Cal Kestis x gn! reader

summery: feeling like an outcast, you're the first one to leave the Mantis' crew. years later, you stumble across Cal once again and old feelings end up bursting to light in the worst of ways. At the very least, misunderstandings are finally cleared.

tw: mentions of killing/assassination (readers past), hurt/comfort, slight spoilers for the beginning of Jedi Survivor.

a/n: I got to the kiss in Jedi Survivor and inspiration struck. I can see how every Cal fic is about 4k words long, its hard not to write so much for him lmao.

wc: 3.1k

Master List

It had been as clear as day. The connection between Cal and Merrin was undeniable. It made your stomach churn. You were with Cere and Greez when you saved him from Bracca and had been glued to his side ever since…that was until Merrin joined. Don’t get me wrong, you loved her and was glad to offer her a new home…but every time your eyes landed on the two you felt your heart twist. In response to this new development you distanced yourself. Tried to smile past the ache in your heart and enjoy what you had. But it was hard, and it didn’t help that Cere and Greez seemed to know of your predicament. 

It hurts, seeing the man you loved, who came to you for medical treatment, or would count on you to watch his back, to slowly slip through your fingers. His green eyes that used to sparkle when landing on you had now turned to look at Merrin. How his lingering touches had all but vanished, leaving your skin feeling colder than normal. What made you feel even worse were your thoughts of leaving. Cal wasn’t your only priority, you had Cere, Greez, Merrin…but everytime you found yourself forgetting about the pain it seemed to always hit once more full force. 

This is how you found yourself packing your things…not that you had much. Just some extra clothes, some photos of your crew, and some gifts that BD-1 and Cal had given you. Double checking your blaster, daggers, knives, and the case that held your sniper, you found yourself contemplating if you really wanted to go through with this. That was when you realized you couldn’t handle watching the one you love end up in someone else’s arms, it was easier to leave altogether. As quietly as you could, you made your way through the Mantis, memories of your friends, almost family popped up every so often. 

With the ship lights off, you couldn’t be more thankful for your specialized contact lenses. Everyone was sleeping in their quarters…or at least they were supposed to be. You froze as you ran into Greez, and as his gaze landed on you he seemed to deflate. 

“You’re really just gonna leave like that?” He asked, his voice low to keep from accidentally waking anyone up. 

“I’m sorry,” You murmured, not able to look in his direction. “I just…”

“I get it kid,” He sighed. “The others won’t be so happy, but I’m glad I caught you on the way out.”

“I’m glad to have met you all,” You tried to console, but you weren’t sure if you were trying to console Greez or yourself. “I’ll be forever grateful to you and Cere for saving me. Here,” Taking out a piece of paper, you handed it to the Latero. “It's a note, I know the way I’m leaving is shitty, but I couldn’t leave without letting you guys know it was voluntary.”

With that, you disappeared into the night, trying your hardest not to look back.

~~~

You were the first one to leave, and soon Cal found himself watching his crew leave him one by one. He was heartbroken when Greez read aloud the note you left behind, wishing them all the best, and how you were going to a rebel base not too far from where they were. He didn’t understand why you left, or how everyone had accepted it so easily. He wished he could’ve seen you one last time, to ask you why, to plead for you to stay. When Greez finally bought Pyloon Saloon, Cal found himself resenting you slightly. You seemed to be the catalyst for everyone's departure. You were all so happy, why did you have to leave them? Why did you have to leave him? 

When he thought back of his time with you, he felt like he was choking. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw you, or what you last spoke about. Had you scolded him for getting injured? Did you laugh with him over a silly scenario with BD? Or was it that lonely gaze you sent him as he joked with Merrin, not paying any mind to you. Are you happy now? Have you made new friends? Have you found someone to confide in? Cal’s heart hurt no matter how he spun his head around you. Don’t get him wrong, he missed the entire crew. He missed Greez’s cooking, Merrin’s dry humor, Cere…but somehow he found himself missing you the most. How you cared for him so gently after he’d get hurt, how you’d listen to his problems and give advice that seemed far beyond your years. How even if you weren’t used to touch, you’d still allow him to hug you after a long, stressful mission.  Even with his new crew, he still felt that hollow void that the old crew left in him. No matter how lovely they were, how deeply he cared about them, he couldn’t help but reminisce of the good old days. Trapped in the past that seemed golden. Cal thought that he had been imagining you at first. Depressed after a harsh mission on Coruscant that wiped out his entire crew, seeking solace at Pyloon Saloon with Greez, he hadn’t thought he’d find you here. He felt like he’d stumbled upon an oasis after stumbling through the desert. Have you always looked so ethereal? Smiling so sweetly as you talked with Greez. You looked different, hair a new length, more mature, happier…have you always looked this happy?

Cal was snapped out of his stupor as both you and Greez turned to face the jedi. He almost got lost once more, wanting to drown in your gaze. He missed the soft way you’d look at him, how he felt cared for and loved with your eyes alone. Instead of that sweet look he was used to, your eyes filled with panic, your posture awkward as you curled in on yourself. The same way you’d react to a stranger. It felt like the dagger you’d always hide in your boot had managed to pierce through his heart. As Greez greeted Cal, you watched on the sidelines, sipping your drink as you tried to hide from Cal’s piercing gaze. 

How long has it been since you last saw Cal? It’s been quite a while. You had only planned on catching up with Greez, as you both left on the best of terms, and although Greez tried to assure you that Cal and the others still cared about you and weren’t angry, he seemed a bit hesitant. So essentially you were scared, scared of the repercussions of your own actions. Running away could only take you so far, and if you ran enough you’d end up right where you started. And you ended up running straight back to the problem of why you left. Your body tensed as Cal took a seat beside you, not aware he had already finished talking with Greez. Anxiously, you peered up at the red haired man through your eyelashes, unsure how to take his blank gaze, or the way your name gently fell past his lips.

“How have you been?” Cal asked. He couldn’t wrap his head around the various emotions you managed to stir up. Sadness, bitterness, longing, anger, regret. 

You shrugged, looking down at your drink as you stirred it, “I’ve been alright. Doing runs for the rebellion and all that. Thought I’d take a short break to check in on the old geezer.” Cal chuckled slightly, wishing for the awkwardness to dissipate, wishing for what you had to come back. “How about you?” 

“Could be better,” He hums, eyes never leaving the side of your face. Drinking in your profile as you shied away. You could tell something had happened, there was a darkness in his eyes, that shine you remember had dulled and you felt your heart break. He didn’t elaborate past that, and you knew better than to pry. A short silence washed over you, awkward, but Cal felt his heart thrum steadily. “I missed you.” You couldn’t stop yourself from looking up to him in shock, mouth slightly agape as you struggled to wrap your head around the vulnerable moment.Pushing past the way you wanted to run, having closed yourself off once again after you left the Mantis, you once again found yourself struggling to let yourself be vulnerable. But the sad puppy-like eyes Cal was sending you made you push past that, mumbling that you missed him in return.

“Why did you leave?” He asked the question you hoped to never go over. 

Once again you found yourself battling the raised walls you put up, unsure if you wanted to actually confess the true reason. Instead, you settled for a watered down version. “I guess I felt a bit left out. Like an outsider I suppose. So I decided it was best for me to leave…” 

“Left out…?” Cal couldn’t help but repeat in a whisper. Guilt suddenly consumed him, his brain finding every time he remembered seeing you on the sidelines, smiling at the moment you had witnessed. Or how you’d slink away, no one trying to stop you as they all laughed about something he couldn’t even remember. It…it was his fault.

“It’s none of your guy’s fault,” You consoled, a bitter smile lining your lips. “I should’ve spoken up about how I felt, instead I ran away like a coward.”

“But I should’ve noticed-” You quickly shut him up with a swift kick to the shin and a lighthearted glare. He gave an overdramatic wince as your kick could barely be described as a kick, more of a light tap. But he felt his heart warm as you were once again slowly opening up to him. 

“Not. Your. Fault.” You spoke sternly. “You always were so quick to take the blame.”

“Wanna help me find a gyro module for old times sake?”

~~~~

You forgot how easy it was to love Cal Kestis. That night when you left, you knew you’d always love him, he has his own special spot in your heart. But over the years those feelings were buried under layers, like sediment. Whether it be adrenaline from missions, celebration with new friends, or the death of a crew member, you find yourself focusing on other aspects of life. You hadn’t planned on running into the now infamous jedi, but even so, you hadn’t expected those old feelings to rupture forth like an exploding volcano. His boyish smile sends shockwaves to your heart. His gentle touch helping you drop down a small cliff makes you yearn to give him a hug and melt in his arms. His compliments on your skills making you puff your chest a little. It's scary how one person has so much control over your feelings, but you also miss the feeling. 

It all comes hurtling down at once when he starts going on a tangent about Merrin. It started with you asking about her and Cere, and now he won’t shut up about her growth in the time you left. You felt stupid, stupid that your heart still managed to cling to the hope that he’d felt more for you in some way. Of course he only loved you as a friend, and you were grateful, but also downtrodden. Though this time Cal seemed to pick up on your spaced out look, gently calling your name.

“What’s wrong?” Cal asked like the caring person he was.

You snapped out of your little bubble you didn’t even realize you put yourself in, bringing your gaze to the concerned one of your friend. “Nothing, I’m glad she’s doing well,” You said with a strained smile. It was left at that as both you and Cal explored Koboh, avoiding raiders to the best of your ability. Exploring the Basalt Forest, you found yourself looking at your surroundings in awe. You loved exploring different planets, watching the flora and fauna interact, from ice planets that had plants still managing to cling to life to desert planets that had a variety of animals that had adapted to the harsh climate. If you hadn’t been taught to kill from a young age and forced to be an assassin, you would’ve loved to have been a researcher. 

Unbeknownst to you, Cal was silently watching you fawn over every little thing you stumbled upon. Pointing out a bug you’ve never seen before or trying to pet those birdlike creatures that would try to charge at you. He could only watch in awe, seeing you in a completely new light. He never fully comprehended that you had a love for wildlife, or just anything that wasn’t human at that. You had always fawned over BD, leaving him feeling a bit left out, but happy the little droid made you happy. And now seeing you do the same for any animal, plant, and even some bugs…he never knew the extent of your love. Making him realize that this entire time, he only knew you through the lens he set for you. A very Cal centric lens. 

Has he ever really known you? All of you? There’s only one way to find out, and that was to get to know you. All of you. From your best aspects to your worst flaws. And as you both sat on the edge of a cliff, Cal couldn’t stop himself from watching you. The way the sun shone down on you, from your hair shining brilliantly to the way the sun made your eyes pop, he couldn’t get enough of you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and Cal couldn’t agree more. His eyes followed as a small gust of wind blew your hair out of place, and without a second thought, he gently brushed your hair back in place, admiring your startled look. 

So many emotions overtook him. There was a warmth to your presence, whether that be through the force or not. In fact, he didn’t really care, he just wished he’d never have to be devoid of the feeling again. And as you looked at him, neither of you backing down from your little stare off, Cal felt something selfish grow within him. He wanted you to join him again, he wanted you to be there to patch him up like before, to fight by his side, to hold you close for comfort. In fact, he can’t remember why he stopped doing that, why he let you both get distant. As these selfish thoughts and desires grew, he couldn’t stop his eyes from dropping to look at your lips, they looked oh so inviting. 

You felt your heart skip a beat as Cal’s eyes dropped for a few seconds. No, no this wasn’t right. He clearly loved Merrin, so why was he staring at you like you had hung the stars and moon? Why was he leaning in closer? Why could you feel his breath hit your face, why is he closing his eyes? This is what you’ve always wanted, so why were you panicking? Why did you push him away, causing him to give a hurt and concerned look. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Cal stuttered. “I…I should’ve asked.”

“No, its, I,” You stumbled, trying to put together a sentence with your currently scrambled mind. “What about Merrin?”

“What?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What about her?”

Now you were the one giving him a confused look, “You clearly love her.”

“What?” Cal could hardly believe his ears. His heart dropped when your face crumbled into a tired look, releasing a long sigh as your eyes trailed back to the beautiful scenery around you.

“The way you talk about her, look at her, interact with her…it's obvious how much you care for her,” You explained. 

“Because she’s my friend,” He countered, grabbing your hand that lay on your lap. The anger you had always felt about the situation started bubbling up, your eyes squinting into a sharp glare as you grip on his hand tightened into an almost bruising grip. Your frustration made clear in the tears that started to well up.

“So then why did you forget about me!” You snarled, letting go of his calloused hand and putting some distance between you both. Your vicious look dissolved as tears rolled down your cheeks, pulling your knees up to your chest and buried your face, not wanting to see Cal’s hurt look. “We were so close, but then all you paid attention to was Merrin and I felt like an outcast. Like I didn’t belong with the crew anymore.��

You tensed when he put a hand on your back, trying to comfort you, but instead of pulling away, he pulled your curled up form into his side, holding you as you cried. “I’m sorry,” He whispered into your hair, holding you tighter. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I-its not y-your fault,” You stuttered through tears. “Instead of telling you I just left.”

“You should’ve never felt like that to begin with,” He murmured, his own eyes watering at the thought of you feeling alone like that…all because of him. 

“It's not like you can read minds,” You grumbled, sniffling as the tears slowly started to end. 

“Well…” 

You elbowed his side while trying to stifle a laugh, “Shut up, you know what I mean. It’s not your job to keep tabs on how everyones feeling at all times.”

“But I care about you,” Cal stated, pulling away enough to face you. He finds himself brushing your last few tears away, his palm resting against your cheek. “If I knew you felt like that I would’ve done something.”

“I know,” You murmured. “But we can’t change the past. What’s happened, happened.”

Resting his forehead on yours, you felt your breath hitch as Cal let out a frustrated sigh, “I’ll make it up to you.” You felt your heart stutter when he opened his eyes, determination shining clearly. “I promise.”

“I’m sure you will,” You replied, a small smile forming. Getting to finally vent out your problems seemed to have lifted a weight on your heart you didn’t realize was there the entire time. Leaning in, your heart jumped as Cal placed a sweet kiss to your cheek, standing up quickly and holding his hand out towards you. You found yourself pouting inadvertently, but taking his hand nonetheless. As he pulled you up with ease, a mischievous smirk tugged at his lips.

“How about we start tonight?” Cal asks. “I have an idea of where to start.”

“Okay,” You agreed. “Lead the way.”

Things might not have been perfect, and soon Cal will continue his journey, but for now, in this moment, everything finally fell into place.

[thelaughtercafe]

Muted Memories Chapter 2

Tea Type: Milk Tea

Potential Triggers:  Verbal and physical abuse, dissociating as a trauma response, nondescriptive murder, descriptive threats(not at reader).

Pairing: Issac Foster/F! Reader

Length: 4k+

Summary: Library explorations, and meeting new characters, fun for the whole family!

A/N: Chapter 2 is here!! Excited I finally got this done!! I’m not fully happy with the way it turned out but after messing with a few other ideas, I decided to go with the one I wrote while genuinely triggered since it felt the most raw and real.

I’m okay now; emotional flashbacks just really suck. Do not recommend lmao. Hope everyone enjoys and please do leave feedback! Always excited to hear from my readers on what they think!! ❤️

The rest of the day was easy once Zack dragged you back. Ray had thanked him in a reverent tone, to which the bandaged boy had only ruffled her hair fondly. They really were close. You hadn’t been expecting him to do the same to you however and it showed as you ducked your head to hide your burning face in Ray’s shoulder a moment. She giggled at your embarrassment and pet your hair. 

You all sat down and ate after that. Ray was attached to your side the rest of the morning, constantly either hanging off you, holding your hand or hugging you. She seemed touched starved, though given you were as well you easily obliged and accommodated her. You had to go to the library after breakfast since you no longer had a laptop and Zack had declined your offer to come, saying he had “better shit to do”. 

You shrugged him off but again reminded him to take anything he needed and disguised Rachel in one of your big hoodies before heading out. When talking about how well they were known they said their popularity had been dying down and they’d come here since it was so out of the way, hoping to find a forever home.

The air was a little chilly so you were glad you’d bundled up Rachel, however you were left shivering a little, given your other hoodie was still being repaired. You’d torn a noticeable hole in it on a rushed run out one day and the mender was blind; a friend Mr. Takamata had met and grown close to, and you had as well in turn. You wouldn’t give your business to anyone else despite the longer wait times. His job was always impeccable. Maybe you could get it on the way back, if he was still open. 

“Alright, to the library! We’ll go grocery shopping tonight on the way home and I’ll make dinner.”

“We’re gonna spend the whole day there?”

Rachel sounded excited at the prospect and you hummed in agreement. 

“Yeah, as long as you don’t mind. I need to do some school work and print out an essay. After that I figured I could show you some of my favorite books and maybe bring some home for Zack too.“

"That sounds fun but…mm…" 

Ray sounded happy at the prospect but trailed off and seemed conflicted, looking at the ground as she walked. 

"What’s wrong?”

“Oh I suppose it’s okay if I tell you. Zack can’t read.”

You blinked at that. He was around your age wasn’t he? You supposed you shouldn’t have been surprised. He clearly had a lot of inner trauma in addition to the physical. 

You smiled down at Ray though, swinging your held hands cheerfully. 

“I’ll get him some anyway. He doesn’t have to learn if he doesn’t want to of course, but I’d be more than happy to teach him. Even if he doesn’t, I like to read aloud anyway so he can enjoy it that way if he’d like.”

Ray gave a contemplative hum. 

“I don’t understand why you’re so nice to us. After everything we’ve done-”

You heard her voice crack and quickly stopped walking, gently pulling her aside and crouching down to her level to allow the other people milling about to pass. 

“Hey, hey! You keep sayin’ that, but from what I’ve seen you two are both damaged, but have been kind to me. It’s like I told Zack last night too…I’m lonely, sad as that may sound. So…no more apologies, okay? I’m happy to give you both a place to stay and let you have a fresh start. Mr. Takamata gave one to me…it seems only right that I should do the same.”

Ray threw her arms around you and you hugged her back before moving to stand. 

"Now, how about that library trip?”

She beamed up at you.  

“Let’s go!”

—–

You couldn’t help but sigh in relief as you both entered the library. It was cold, now. The wind had really picked up and you were already dreading the 20-minute walk back home when it’d be colder tonight.

Maybe you ought to stop by Reginald’s place on the way back after all. Now that you were here though, you had to put your game face on. You had two essays and one story to work on. Your only fun elective this semester was Monsters in Literature. Best teacher too; he reminded you of Robin Williams in his enthusiasm and inspiring words. You had a vague outline of ideas for the story and you wrote often, but creating original content was much harder than the fanworks you were used to. 

The essays were honestly easier. Everyone was always surprised when you told them that, but essay’s were really just cramming as many words as possible to get a simple point across most of the time, and given you enjoyed writing, even if it was boring as sin it was at least easy to bullshit. 

You observed Ray as you put your bookbag down, wanting to get her set up before starting. 

“You’re around 14 right?”

She nodded. 

“15, now actually. As of a few weeks ago.”

“Oh! We’ll have to celebrate. I’ll pick up some overtime, make sure to remind me to get a cake this weekend okay? Just in case my memory goes kaput after all this school work.”

She giggled and nodded happily as you mimed passing out. 

“Do you know what kind of books you like hun? I can get you set up in the right section and then get started here.”

She gave a carefree shrug. 

“I didn’t read much. Too noisy before.” 

Seeing the way her eyes went dull again you got to your feet and held your hand out to her before she could go too deep into her memories.

She took it and you led her into the adjoining room for Young Adult Fiction, not acknowledging the fact that she trembling with anything more than a soothing thumb rub. 

“Here’s the YA section. All kinds of scenarios and characters here- I recommend reading the back or inside of the flap and then just picking whichever one sounds interesting! You can always just go based on the cover if you’d like a more randomized experience though. This is still my favorite section honestly; if you need any help with the words or have any questions don’t be afraid to ask me. Feel free to get comfy, and if anyone that’s not me comes up to you, come get me or yell my name if you get scared, I’ll be just in the other room.”

After making sure she was okay you left her, happy to see she was already hesitantly beginning to explore. 

You sighed in resignation, sitting down and cracking your neck.

No more distractions, time to get your work done!

—–

The day passed quickly, with Ray occasionally coming over to ask for help with a word she didn’t know but it was a rarity and she was already on the 2nd book in a supernatural fantasy series when you were finished. You playfully took it from her to check the title. 

“Ooh Maximum Ride hm? That’s a good one, haven’t read it in ages. One of my favorites at your age too. Let’s bring it home with us huh?”

She nodded eagerly, a big grin on her face as she made grabby hands for the book, and you obliged, quickly grabbing the 3rd and 4th one as well. After a moment’s hesitation you grabbed 2 more for good measure, one for you, and one for Zack. You know how you were as a child and better safe than leave the poor girl on a cliffhanger. Luckily the librarians and you were already well acquainted given you came to volunteer to read to the kids here when you weren’t in school. It was a quick affair to check the books out and you were on your way. 

The essays had given you no trouble and were already sent to your professors…but that damn story had you completely stuck. You knew the general concept you wanted was dealing with possession of some sort but you couldn’t figure out who should be doing the possessing. It was the idea of being out of control you wanted to tap into Such a primal fear so underexplored by most monsters. 

It was still freezing oh God- you shivered as you and Ray made your way home. She looked at you worriedly and you could tell she was going to offer you the jacket but you patted her head. 

“I’ll be okay- gonna s-stop and get my m-m-mended one before groceries after all.” 

You sped walked and reached Reginald’s in record time, who luckily was just about to close up. 

“Reggie, please tell me you have my coat finished?”

Your eyes and voice were pleading and when he reached out to touch your arm in greeting he recoiled, frowning in fatherly disapproval. 

“Young lady, what on Earth are you doing out here in this cold without any protection?”

He sighed heavily and easily made his way back inside, holding the door open for you and Ray. 

It was the same as always, not a speck of dust in sight, but homey and most importantly, warm. You held your hands to your lips and warmed them. You could’ve cried when after a few moments Reginald came out, coat in hand. 

“Oh thank you so much! I’m in your debt! Here-” 

You went to pull out your wallet but at the sound of rustling Reggie tsk’d and shook his head. 

“No need, sweetheart. Can’t let ole’ Takamata’s daughter freeze now can I? How’s about you introduce me to your little friend here and I’ll call it even.”

You smiled fondly and sighed in defeat, slipping your dark burgundy coat over your t-shirt and zipping it up.  

“Fair deal! This is Ray, her and her older brother Zack will be staying with me from now on. They broke in and I couldn’t just turn away hungry people, especially a young girl like her. You know how Mr. Takamata was, he’d roll over in his grave if I didn’t help!”

The lies merged with the truth and Reginald laughed heartily, while Ray looked at you in disbelief. She surely expected you to give them fake names or backstories but there was no need. To lie effectively, you just had to be confident and believe what you were saying. 

“True enough!! Well, nice to meet you little lady, call me Reggie hm? Here, this hoodie feels too thin-”

“Reggie!”

He ignored your exasperated voice and before you knew it he’d tossed a small lilac coat and large black one your way and was shooing you out despite you protests. 

“I’ll hear nothing of it! Consider it a welcoming gift! Now get!” 

“Thank you Reggie. Really.”

He waved you off and patted Ray’s head before walking off. You smirked fondly and turned to look down at Ray. 

“Welp. How’s about we just get something hot and head on home? Zack may get worried if we’re out too much longer.” 

Ray nodded cheerfully. 

“Sounds great to me! I’m starved! That man was really nice, I hope we see him again soon.”

You giggled at her enthusiasm, opting to get pizza at the place right down the hill so it wouldn’t be a long walk. 

“Me too. I’m sure you’ll like him even more as you get to know him. He’s very kind. He has a service dog named Bucky, I’m sure you’ll get to meet them both again soon.” 

You held the pizza and Zack’s new coat, while Ray got the soda, garlic knots and the pepperoni pinwheel you caught her drooling over in the display case. 

You walked through the door with her on your heels, grinning and calling for Zack as you entered. 

“Zack we’re ho-”

Your voice died out at the sight in front of you. You couldn’t breathe. 

Why was he…here?

“Chris?”

That cursed name escaped your lips, bile burned your throat as he smiled and took a step closer. You went to back up, the door still open and remembered Ray and the fact your hands were full. 

Where was Zack? Didn’t matter you had to get Ray to safety. But she was already entering behind you, and setting the food on the table like he wasn’t there. She came over to take the pizza but you were in shock.

“The one and only!” 

His smile twitched, but you knew behind the mask he was seething as Ray began pulling out the food and setting the table. 

“Pizza night hm? Funny. I haven’t gotten my pay this month yet, I trust you have that ready for me?”

You just stared at him in stricken fear. The door was closed but you still felt just as frozen.

“…What are you doing here? How did you find this place?”

“Oh here? I’ve known for years, pet.I just…”

His smirk turned to a sneer. 

“Loosened your leash a little. Now, if you won’t give me what I want, you’re surely not fit to raise a child here. Maybe I’ll take her home…give her a proper enviorment. I mean, she didn’t even greet me properly. You know what happens to impolite children, don’t you?”

You didn’t speak up but you moved your body to block the way to the kitchen, motioning for Ray to run with your free hand, but she was completely oblivious. Your eyes steeled a little, but your voice was still that of a terrified kid. It didn’t matter that you were older now, it didn’t matter that you thought you were getting better. 

Suddenly you were a frightened child all over again. 

“I won’t let you have her.” 

You flinched at the feeling of a hand on you and looked down to find her gripping your hand, tugging you lightly towards the table.  

“Dinner’s ready. Come eat.”

Her eyes had gone dead, and she was pointedly ignoring Chris. She seemed very dissociated; probably a trauma response from her own family, if you had to guess. You realized your other hand still held the black coat and tossed it on the couch before reluctantly letting her take you to the table where you sat down. She sat too, and began eating while you looked numbly down at your plate. 

You heard the chair slide back as he sat at the head of the table, beginning to dissociate a little yourself but maintaining your hypervigilance. You felt shaky and scared, aware of every move he and yourself made. He began to eat, completely unbothered. 

You’d finally felt safe, away from him. Thought he was oblivious and finally mostly out of your life, save the monthly payments. You should have known you could never beat him. That he couldn’t cope with the loss of control. 

Now one of the first people in your life you allowed yourself to care for was at risk. It was your fault for not safeguarding against this possibility and the only reason you weren’t spiraling was because you knew you had to keep Ray safe. 

“What do you want?”

Your voice shook, but it was low and even, in hopes of being non-threatening. 

He was nonchalant as ever.

“You’re going to protect me, and let me stay here. I’m only hiding here because some psychopath showed up at my place.”

Your breath hitched and you looked up in fear as Ray jumped to her feet.

“Zack!?”

You hopped up quickly and wrapped Ray in your arms to shield her, and quickly mustered a lie. 

“Shh…shh…Zack isn’t here sweetheart.”

“That’s the second time I’ve heard that name. Who is he? Is he staying here too?”

“He’s her older brother. When she gets scared she seeks him out- I’m not the only one who got traumatized.”

Your mutter was bitter and under your breath but he caught it. 

He always heard it. He stood and you held Ray tighter. You just had to last until Zack got here. Keep him placated. You trembled- God why did the shakes never stop around him?

“Talking back? Pathetic. You’re shaking like a damn leaf. Whatever. You’ll always be a freak.”

You swayed as the familiar insult caused an emotional and partially visual flashback, hearing faint words, catching glimpses from the back of your mom’s car. She was inside getting groceries. 

“You’re such a damn freak- those bullies at school were right about you. You’re really nothing but a freak. Everything you do is freaky-”

He’d used variations of the word till you were hyperventilating upon your mother’s return. You couldn’t hide it fast enough, but his mask was right back on. Told your mother he was “getting you used to the word.” Ha. She’d harmlessly shared the bullying you’d confided in her about, having no idea you intentionally hadn’t told him because she didn’t know any better. 

But your Mother isn’t here now. 

Your shaking stopped and you took a deep breath, steeling your own mask. You straightened from hugging Ray and glared at where he stood by the chair he claimed. 

“I don’t care what you do with me, but you won’t hurt her. I’ll never let you abuse anyone else I care about again.”

He threw his head back in bitter, sadistic laughter and you acted quickly, grabbing her jacket in one smooth motion and rushing to shove Ray outside, with a simple command before slamming the side door shut and locking it, tossing the key out there with her so she nor Chris could get her back inside. 

“Find Zack and stay hidden if you can’t!”

She hesitated, meeting your eyes and you smiled at her, trying to make her feel secure only to yelp as something slammed hard on the back of your head, sending you to the floor. You vaguely registered the picture and glass surrounding you, and the sound of Ray crying out your name in panic. The picture of you and Mr. Takamata lay near your face and you smiled weakly.. 

“…Sorry, Dad. Looks like I won’t be able to fulfill my promise after all.”

Your head felt wet and warm, and your vision was getting murky. You felt dizzy, trying to stay conscious. Chris was yelling, but for once…you felt serene. No fear. No constant hypervigilance. No more masks. But…Zack. Where was he? You never got to give him his new coat…

Darkness took you under. 

—–

Zack burst into the door with a loud bang, wild eyes scanning the area. He’d been searching frantically for the bastard all day and was exhausted and starving after a long day. He’d been planning to pick up the following day when he arrived, only to hear an unfamiliar male screaming curses. 

Zack didn’t consider himself a protective person. He’d grown up most of his life alone and fending for himself. Ray was an exception to the rule, and he thought he’d never find someone he wanted to protect again. Till he met you. He didn’t know you well. Didn’t even fully trust you yet, honestly, always wary to give trust. But he saw something of himself in you. Plus, you were horrendously naive and so, so in need of protection. 

This bastard seemed the best place to start. 

To see him in his new home, where he finally felt safe? Zack was anything but happy. The man froze after kicking you on the floor. Zack spotted Ray with tears swimming in her eyes as she screamed behind the back door, before rushing to meet up with him, heading around to the front once she saw him. 

Things moved quickly after that. 

Zack had the man by the throat, sadistic snickers leaving him ceaselessly as he held him against the nearby wall because if he didn’t laugh and scream he was going to do something else and he vowed to never do that again. 

“You’ve got 3 seconds. Talk.”

The man, if he could be called that, was near pissing himself in fear but Zack felt none of the typical satisfaction. Just rage, simmering under the surface along with his want to rip the slight smirk he saw tugging at the asshole face whenever he glanced at your crumpled body. 

“I have no problem with you, alright!? I don’t know what you want- if you want to kill her she’s all yours, but I haven’t done anything! I’m an upstanding citizen, I swear!”

“So lemme see if I got this right. You come into my house, trash my place, hurt my family, not only fucking up their heads but physically too and you think I’m gonna let you walk outta here?”

Zack threw his head back in magical laughter at the thought; it was the funniest damn joke he’d ever heard. At that, Chris finally snapped and threw a punch, facade dropping in an instant, but Zack held fast, vaguely noticing Ray walking up next to him a look in her eye he hadn’t seen since they were trapped. 

“God you’re a freak just like her- no, you’re some kinda monster! Guh-!”

Ray stabbed hard into his stomach, making the man gurgle on his words. He looked down in shocked horror and Ray was impassive. 

“You hurt her, so I hurt you.”

He cursed at her too. 

“You little bitch!! You’ll never get away with this, I’ll make you pay!”

Ray shook her head in disappointment.

“There’s no fixing you.”

She waved before turning her attention to you.  

“Bye bye.”

Chris opened his mouth to snarl at her again but Zack was done playing games. He had more important things to do. He glared, shaking the man before beginning to drag him outside and into the forest, talking casually.

“Pretty sure we got unfinished business buddy. See I’ve got a sharp knife, and I’m curious how many pieces I can cut off before you bleed out. Shall we find out together?”

“No, no God please!! Have mercy!”

“Shut the Hell up!”

His shout was one of anger as he tossed the man down and kicked him hard in the ribs, paying no mind as he screamed in pain. 

“That’s what I caught you doing to the woman who let us stay here! I don’t know why she’s afraid of you, but after tonight she’ll never have to fear you again. Nothing should scare her more than me. I won’t let you have her. I refuse. Her fear belongs to me. Now do the whole damn world a favor and DIE!”

His last word was a guttural roar of anger and when the man was finally dead by his hand, Zack crumpled. He didn’t know why, or how. His body was shaking and his bandaged were wet and it wouldn’t stop. He didn’t like it at all. This feeling, the way His mouth made sounds out of his control. It felt like…he’d killed his demon a second time, but this time it wasn’t just his. It was yours too. He found…he liked the feeling. More than his usual kills. This was more…liberating. He took the time to let whatever was happening run its course as he dragged the now dead piece of meat into the forest and buried him with the very shovel you used to do as he had, but for someone you loved rather than loathed. Love. Still such a foreign word and concept to him. He shook off his thoughts 

But now he needed to make sure you stayed alive long enough to hear him gloat. He could worry about the oddness of “feelings” later. Ugh. He shuddered. Feelings. Gross. 

He bit down a smile as he made his way back towards the house, seeing from the window that Ray was already patching you up, one of your textbooks open next to her. 

Maybe whatever he felt for you and Ray though, wasn’t quite so bad.