#been thinking about this for a while and it's just so depressing

[burningembers91]

The Girl Next Door - Hwang In-Ho x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: It's been three years since Hwang In-Ho's family was taken from him. He spends his days watching the world go by from his window until one day, the girl next door needs his help.

Warnings: 18+ only, Hwang In-Ho has depression, mentions of death of wife and child, mentions of loneliness

 It had been three years since Hwang In-Ho’s life had disintegrated in front of his eyes. Three years since his wife had passed, their unborn baby’s life also ending before it had begun. In-Ho had done everything he could think of to save the love of his life and the child he was so desperate to raise. He’d spent all of his money in a futile attempt to save the lives of the two people most important to him, and he had failed. He had prayed to a God he didn’t believe in, had worked his fingers to the bone to pay for treatments that doctors weren’t optimistic about. The day his wife and unborn baby died, so did In-Ho.

He had removed himself from society, cut all ties with family and friends. His shame was so great, he couldn’t bring himself to face the world. With the little money he had left over, he moved to a rundown apartment no bigger than his wife’s hospital room. The single room was shabby, the paint chipped and faded. He didn’t bother to buy furniture, choosing to spend each day sitting on the cold, hard floorboards, staring out of the window. There was a beautiful park opposite his apartment, where he could hear the sounds of children playing, of people laughing. His son or daughter should be two and a half now, and he should be playing with them in a park just like the one he watched every day. Instead, he hid away from the world, ignoring the phone calls from his mother and brother. He pushed everyone away, sinking further and further into his own depression.

He wasn’t sure exactly when you moved in next door. The apartment to the left of his had been vacant the entire time he’d been living in his. All he knew was that one day he was aware of movement next door. The walls were thin, and he could hear your music playing gently, could hear your out of tune voice as you sang along. He heard you laughing with friends, heard you flirt with your new boyfriend on FaceTime. He heard the two of you making love at night, heard the argument that ended your relationship only two months after it had begun. He heard you crying late at night after the breakup, and then he heard your out of tune voice singing along to the music once more. In-Ho had spotted you a few times as you came and went. You were very pretty, beautiful even, but In-Ho refused to acknowledge it. You smiled every time you saw him, a smile that would light up the darkest of rooms. Your eyes sparkled, your perfume smelled of amber and vanilla and your laugh was the most beautiful noise in the world. Three years was a long time to spend alone, but In-Ho refused to admit the attraction he felt towards you.

He’d never spoken a word to you, barely acknowledging your greetings. He’d let himself go in recent years, had stopped eating, had stopped shaving, had stopped doing anything that once brought him joy. He listened to your life progress through the thin walls of his apartment while he wasted his. He watched the world go by from the window of his cold, damp apartment, wishing the universe would give him back what it so cruelly stole away.

He was watching two parents teach their son how to ride a bike when he heard the noise. It was a deep groaning inside the walls, like pressure mounting in metal pipes. His eyes followed the noise as it travelled along, the groaning and screeching becoming more intense. Then he heard a bang, and the sound of a single scream. It came from your apartment, followed by a sound of rushing water. He thought about going to see if you were alright, but something stopped him. He was a mess today, he hadn’t showered, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t moved from his spot by the window since sunrise. It was evident a pipe had exploded, but you could call a plumber. You didn’t need In-Ho; no one did.

Five minutes later, banging on his door forced him to move from his position on the floor. He was stiff, his bones and muscles aching with the cold and lack of movement. You stood outside his apartment, soaked to the bone. Rivulets of water dripped from your jawbone and chin onto your white t-shirt. Your clothes were drenched, your nipples pert and visible through the thin fabric. In-Ho felt the beginnings of something stir deep within his gut, a burning desire he hadn’t felt for many years. You were a damsel in distress on his doorstep, but he refused to be enticed by your looks.

“The water pipe in my kitchen has burst,” you explained, a puddle of water forming at your feet. “Do you know anything about plumbing?” He could see the desperation in your eyes, noticed the way you shivered in your thin, wet clothes. “Call a plumber.” He snapped gruffly, his voice hoarse from disuse. He didn’t want you on his doorstep, didn’t want you lingering in his thoughts. “I did,” you explained, “they can’t get here until tomorrow. Please, any help you can give me… I’m desperate.” Taking in your drenched figure, the way you trembled in his doorway, something in him gave way. “Fine,” he grumbled, “give me two minutes.” He didn’t wait for you to say thank you before closing the door, stalking over to the storage cupboard and pulling out a box of tools. In-Ho was handy around the house, choosing to teach himself how to fix plumbing, electric and all manner of other household issues. He strongly believed a man should be able to provide for his family; but he had no family to provide for anymore.

Taking a deep breath, and avoiding his unkempt reflection in the mirror, he made his way to your apartment. It was the same size as his, but so full of life. The walls were freshly painted in a soft, warm cream, adorned with photos of you and you friends. You had vibrant plants dotted around, and Sabrina Carpenter was playing through a speaker next to your bed. He’d become familiar with her work since you moved in; he’d spent two weeks with Espresso stuck in his head thanks to you. You stood at your kitchen sink, stuffing towels into the burst pipe, only to be sprayed by another shower of water moments later. In-Ho’s lip twitched, the beginnings of a smile that he quickly pushed away. “Let me take a look,” he said, trying to avoid the sight of your underwear drying on a rack by the window. You moved aside for him, your perfume enveloping his senses, wrapping him in a warm vanilla-scented hug. You smelled good, probably a damn sight better than he did. For the first time in years, he felt embarrassed by his appearance. He looked shoddy and dishevelled, like a survivor found living in a cave after 10 years in the wilderness. If you noticed, you didn’t say anything.

In-Ho was able to stabilise the leak, patching it up until the plumber could come tomorrow. He mopped the floor, shooing you away when you tried to help. Your clothes were still damp, your nipples still visible and In-Ho didn’t want the image of you imprinted on his brain. He didn’t want to think about you while he lay awake at night, but when you looked so good, he knew he’d be thinking of nothing else. “I don’t know how to repay you,” you gushed, “thank you so much.” “It’s nothing,” he mumbled, desperate to get out of your apartment. It smelled so nice, like fresh linen. Your small space felt like home, and In-Ho felt a pang in his heart. He hadn’t had a home in many years. “Well, at least let me feed you,” you said, “have you eaten yet?” “No.” In-Ho packed his tools away. refusing to look you in the eye. He wanted to be back in the damp emptiness of his apartment, to be alone with his thoughts. He left your apartment before you could say another word, folding himself into a tiny ball by the window to watch the world go by without him.

A few hours later, there was another knock at door. In-Ho ignored it, knowing it was you on the other side. He waited until he heard your door close, remaining frozen in place as the smell of food slowly wafted through his door. He’d been surviving on nothing but packets of ramen for months, barely tasting the food he had to force himself to eat. Shuffling to the door, he opened it to reveal a bowl of what smelled like kimchi stew. In-Ho’s stomach growled; it was his favourite dinner. He grabbed the bowl before quickly closing the door. The smell of the dish was making his mouth water. The warmth from the bowl filled him with a sense of comfort he hadn’t known for a long time. He dug in, devouring the meal in record time. The stew was good, almost as good as the one his mother used to make and for the first time in a while, In-Ho felt content.

Your music started up again, something soft and acoustic. In-Ho sat back on the floor, clutching the bowl as he listened to the melody. He was achingly lonely, the feeling seeping into his bones, twisting itself around his soul. His brief meeting with you today had made him feel things he hadn’t felt in many moons. He would need to return your bowl to you, would need to thank you for the meal. But he needed time; time to sort out what he would say, time to make himself look the opposite of a wild caveman. His wife wouldn’t want him to be like this. If she could see him now, her heart would break. In-Ho needed to get back out into the world, needed to restart his life. He’d been so happy once, so full of joy and laughter. He needed to find the lust he’d once had for life.

Forcing himself to stand, In-Ho made his way to the bathroom. He pulled out his shaver, removing the first section of his scraggly beard. Tonight, he would shave his face, make himself look and feel a little more human. Tomorrow, he would return the bowl to you and hopefully get to know the beautiful girl who lived next door.

[theweeklydiscourse]

I don't understand WHY Bardugo wrote Alina's ending the way she did. Did she think it would make for a bittersweet, satisfactory ending? (It did not.) Did she think it would be sharp and realistic? (It unfortunately was a bit.) Did she think she'd be subverting expectations?? Did she love Mal so much she went insane?? I just don't get it. I just don't get it. If by the end of the series she forgot to add in more love interest for Alina (because she obviously didn't want to consider the other two despite being fascinated with Aleksander) she could just have. Let poor Alina be alone. Why condemn her to such a fate? I think everyone I've talked about this has unanimously agreed they'd cease to exist if they were in her place. It's so. So strange

It’s all a consequence of the underlying conservatism and misogyny of the series. This is best illustrated through the fact that even in Alina’s “happily ever after” she is still regarded as a weird outsider while Mal is beloved by their new community. It isolates Alina in a way that the Darkling never could, it’s representative of Alina’s permanent dependence on Mal as a consequence of their marriage. Mal is allowed to have a life outside of his marriage, while Alina has to depend on him for emotional connection. She can only find fulfillment in her husband while Mal is afforded the freedom (and means) to seek fulfillment from other places.

What I imagine Bardugo thought, was that it would be heartwarming and pleasant for the “boy and the girl” to return to simplicity and live happily ever after. Hence the line: “They had an ordinary life, full of ordinary things—if love can ever be called that.” In isolation, it’s certainly a sweet sentiment that one might smile at in a different story. However, in this story, it’s a clear attempt to romanticize the dire (and downright depressing) circumstances of Alina’s so-called “happily ever after”. It looks like a happily ever after, but readers with a critical eye can see it for what it truly is. They are able to see the way Alina is disempowered at nearly every level, that she had been relegated to this role because she dared to want more out of life.

This gestures towards the fundamental reason why Malina is far more disturbing than the likes of Darklina. It’s disturbing because it reflects the ways women are pushed to settle down and sacrifice themselves for their man and glorifies that sacrifice as the healthy alternative to “greed”. Sure, the Darkling is villainous, but his actions are so beyond the normal scope of everyday relationships that they fail to land the same impact as Mal’s mundane assholery. Alina is considered greedy for wanting to excercise her power and influence for a noble cause, but somehow Mal isn’t greedy for wanting Alina’s full undivided attention despite her many other responsibilities? The narrative validates his unreasonable requests by presenting the ending as something wholesome and heartwarming. Mal’s selfishness and greed is validated by the text because it is societally acceptable and encouraged men to have those traits. He has to be the more powerful one in the relationship for this traditional happy ending to work.

Bardugo condemned Alina to a depressing fate because she was so fixated on the image of a fairy tale happily ever after that she ignored how Alina would be impacted by it. I think this reveals Bardugo’s strange affection for Mal, but it also shows how she failed to see how the realistic mundanity of Malina would not work in her favour. Because…yeah it’s realistic all right, realistically misogynistic that is.

[hoeforsungie]

💌 … ( 𝕻𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖊𝖜 ) 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 — stoned sex w/ Hannie

best friends to lovers! Hannie x fem reader ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ smut ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎cw ・ teasing, lots of tension, Hannie and reader are both horny for each other, drug usage (don’t!) wc ・‎ 2.8k ‎| ‎ ‎[library link here]

[ ۫ ꣑ৎ author’s note ] here’s my first ever preview for a work i’m working on! tbh, the fic is loooong and i’m still writing. i decided to post the preview bc the actual fic is kinda sad, depressing, and dark. i’m worried people wouldn’t actually like that part until it gets to the filth, however i wanted to write a hurt/comfort with some smut for a while… and i may or may not have stoner hannie brainrot. i may post just the smut and loving bits as its own thing, as well as the whole fic when i finally finish? idk i’m rambling… well here enjoy this preview for needy stoned Hannie x reader.

oh btw, here’s a playlist w songs i listened to while writing this

divider by @v6que

‧₊ ᵎᵎ 🕊️ ⋅ ˚Jisung was happy to see her smile, even if it was small and her eyes were still red and puffy from crying. A win is a win in his book. So, he happily followed along. The pair grabbed their shoes and the umbrella before leaving the building. The walk to their normal smoking hang out was pretty calm, despite the rain. At least, the rain had died down again into a steady drizzle, saving them from the monsoon-like downpour earlier. The only unfortunate thing was that the wind had picked up, blowing the rain sideways. This left her with no choice but to cling to Jisung as the bitter wind whipped around the two of them. It was about 10 minutes before they spotted the treehouse her parents had built when they were children. All their normal stuff was still there, pictures from their youth hanging on the wall. Now there was an old beat up couch (where their stash was hidden), a bed with a few pillows and blankets where many hours cuddling had been spent, and a projector.

Jisung climbed up first and turned around to offer his hand to y/n. After getting pulled up, she beelined towards the couch to pull out the bud as well as the lighter and the wraps. After wrapping the blunt, she handed it to Jisung as he flopped down onto the couch next to her. “Ladies first.” She giggled. He took the blunt with a begrudging look and held it in his mouth, waiting for her to light it. Y/n obliged and elbowed him “Don’t take all of it, make sure to leave some for me. You hog.” She elbowed her friend then rubbed at her eyes, probably trying to diffuse some of the puffiness remaining from her tears.

Jisung, of course, only offered her a punch to the arm instead and a snarky remark about how he ‘wasn’t the one who finished 70% of the last blunt.’ Y/n rolled her eyes and plucked the blunt from Jisung’s lips harshly. “Shut up, besides,” y/n says as she pauses to take a drag. “You said this was to smoke the depression away. Right now I think I need it more than you.” She stuck her tongue at Jisung, to which he replied by flicking her in the forehead. Y/n took another big drag and coughed. “Goddamn, it’s been a while since I smoked with you Jisungie.” After coughing for a bit, y/n tucked her legs under her and turned towards Jisung. She took a few more drags before putting it in between her two fingers and passing it to Jisung to take. He gladly took the blunt and took a large drag himself. Somehow, he didn’t cough like her, much to y/n’s dismay.

“Bro, are you fucking kidding me? You’re such a show off. Ugh, fuck you!” Y/n squeaked and started punching him anywhere she could hit. “You’re the worst.” She sighed and plopped her body forward so she could lean onto Jisung. Cuddling between them wasn’t something new by any means. She’d never admit it, but cuddling with Jisung recently has been giving her new thoughts to think about. She didn’t know when it happened, but one day she began to notice the way her heart beats louder when she feel jisung’s broad chest caging her in, as his arms wrapped around her. She’d especially take this one to the grave, but she really started noticing it as she slipped away to excuse herself to use the bathroom in a panic. It was pretty obvious when she slipped her underwear down to see the pearly string that attaches itself to her lips and her panties. It was slowly becoming clear to her that she was attracted to Jisung. Perhaps, in more ways than one.

Jisung chuckled at y/n’s cute little outburst and reached over to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Looked like it was getting in your lip gloss, y/nnie.” He said with a honey-dripped voice. He smiled as he noticed as a small blush crept along y/n’s cheeks, down towards her neck. His eyes trailed below as they followed the path the blush was burning on her skin. He swallowed thickly as his eyes reached below her collarbone where his white band t-shirt stuck to her skin snugly. The white had become similar to gossamer, her skin and black bra shining through, thanks to the rain. Taking a sharp inhale, Jisung unconsciously began digging into her arm tightly as he drank in the sight. As if on cue, he broke the spell and suddenly snapped his eyes back into y/n’s. He hoped that she hadn’t noticed, although he knew the chances were entirely too slim. He couldn’t even blink as he peered into y/n’s eyes. Now it was Jisung’s turn to blush, a warmth spreading across his own cheeks. He sputtered something about ‘needing space’ and ‘why are you over here when there’s the entire couch?’ then promptly shoved y/n across the couch, turning his head away from her to hide the blush that was igniting his skin.

Y/n, of course, wouldn’t stand for being pushed away from her heat source as the cold from the rain blew into the tree house. “Sungie, fuck off! What the hell was that for? You know it’s cold out.” She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. After a few seconds of pouting silently she reached her arm out to grab the blunt that Jisung was holding in his hand, half forgotten. He yelped in surprise and moved his arm up in the air out of y/n’s reach. She slapped his shoulder and laughed as he grunted. After a few seconds of pretending to give up, she smiled and lunged even harder at Jisung. Launching herself off the couch and smiling in victory as she was able to reach the blunt Jisung held over his head, she failed to notice her miscalculation as she was now sitting in Jisung’s lap with her face very close to his own. He glared at her unamused but she still noticed the blush dusting his cheeks. The clock on the wall continued to tick on as the air around the pair thickened. Jisung’s own shocked expression melted into something much needier as she felt him try to physically run away from her hold. But with her sitting on his lap, he had nowhere to go. He pinched his eyebrows and turned his head, bringing his fist up in a feeble attempt to hide his teeth digging into his bottom lip at the suggestive pose the pair are in. With the way in which her arm is still frozen in the air at her attempt to get the blunt for herself, she begins to blush as bright as Jisung and feel a familiar slowly knot tying itself in her stomach. Y/n never thought she’d get turned on by such a small act, let alone from a simple mistake she made.

More time passed as the pair stared deeply, albeit curiously, into each other’s eyes. Jisung’s hands which were thrown around her waist in shock began to grip tighter at her hips, the fingers leaving indents in the milky skin where they were also splayed on her thighs. She parted her lips and he heard a small, breathy “Oh.” leave her. It was hard to deny, but this had a larger impact on y/n than she would have liked. She inhaled sharply as she felt her clit throb gently at the feeling at Jisung’s hands deliciously digging into her sides. It was her turn to look away in embarrassment as she quickly dismounted herself off his lap and back onto the couch with a pout. Stupid Jisung and the way he doesn’t realize the impact he has on me! She internally curses him as all she places the blunt back in between her sticky strawberry lips and inhales. After taking a long drag, and much to her enjoyment, the lack of a coughing fit, she crosses her hands back over into her lap and closes her eyes. She felt the beginning of her arousal begin to fade as she tried to be one of God’s stronger soldiers and put the thoughts flashing behind her eyes deep down into her subconscious. Something about the way Jisung’s fingers stung ever so slightly as he pushed into her plush thighs and waist with his soft hands threw her for a complete tailspin. Of course she’s had sex before, but never had she felt so ignited by such a small and subtle touch. It was as if a jolt of electricity had gone through her the second he laid his hands on her. Shaking her head vigorously to rid the sinful thoughts before they overwhelmed her and she could only imagine the way in which he would handle her, she tried to rid the unholy thoughts once more. Deciding to say “fuck it” and take another large drag from the blunt, end goal of becoming as high as possible in the fastest manner becoming clearer and clearer in her head. It was during this time in which she was so in her own head, she missed the golden opportunity to peek open her own eyes and see the disheveled state Jisung was in, similarly to her own.

If she were to peer over and turn her head towards Jisung, she would have had a heart attack and simultaneously seen the way he desired y/n so bad it was almost tangible. His head was reeling and chest heaving as he shut his eyes and flopped it back against the couch, staring up into the ceiling. His hair flopped with him and covered his eyes, but his own arousal was still apparent to any outsider. The way in which his bottom lip is still trapped between his teeth as he tries to catch his breath. The blush on his cheeks spread down to his chest where the slight dew of sweat began to gather. He pinched his nose bridge as he tried to will the thoughts and his raging boner away. The way in which y/n’s body looked so small on his lap, the way in which her thighs were so soft and plump in his hands. Her small, breathy, ‘oh’ that made his heart hang onto the idea that she was into him enough to find him sexually attractive, and the way in which her wet clothes clung to her form; it all made him go insane. He needed the weed to kick in any second now, hoping he could instead get lost in the sensation of being high rather than hopelessly longing for the feeling of y/n’s pink sugary lips gliding against his own. Heaving a heavy sigh, he looked over to y/n on the couch and slowly peeked his eyes at her form on the couch. Thanking whatever deity was allowing her to look so perfect before him, and luckily she was in her own world with her eyes closed. He let his eyes slowly drag down her body, a little more unashamedly now that he knew he didn’t have an audience to judge his own indulgence.

Jisung flitted his eyes down to her chest once again, running them along the valley of her collarbones, down to where her cleavage just faintly peeked out above the low collar she cut on his shirt, now claimed for herself and neatly stored in Jisung’s drawer for their impromptu sleepovers and other clothing emergencies. He dragged his eyes back up to her lips. He internally groaned as he saw the way her gloss smudged slightly from the blunt, the sugary pink tint shimmering softly in the light. After admiring her lips for a while, Jisung trailed his eyes down to her hips and smiled softly at what he saw. The grey sweatpants that they both owned as a matching set were sitting snugly on her hips. The ones with a little black star and the word “Youtiful” under it, that both of them got as a gift on graduation day from one of their closest friends. The ones that matched his very own. Thanking God and the people he saved in his last life, he smiled at the fact that even if y/n had so many other bottoms to choose from, she chose those special ones. Now here they were, both matching. As he thanked the universe for giving him this win, he stilled as he saw y/n inhale and slowly open her eyes before yawning and sitting up, lashes getting slightly wet from the unshed tears the strong yawn brought to her eyes. He sat up straighter, eyes still trained on her as he followed her every move. Imagine his surprise as he feels y/n shove the blunt between his lips and her hand on his cheeks, pushing into them lightly as she forces his mouth open (much like the kissy face a fish makes) to take the blunt. After she’s satisfied that the blunt remains lodged in Jisung’s plush lips, she withdraws her hand and whips her head away. He held his breath when the words y/n whispered met his ears.

“Mm feelin’ it slowly. It’s your turn to catch up now. Don’t wanna be high alone, Hannie.” Y/n mumbled out through pouted lips. She felt her cheeks heat up as she admitted to already feeling the pleasant sluggish feeling enveloping her body. After she was satisfied by seeing Jisung take a few drags himself, head laid back with one hand in his hair behind his head as he peered up at the ceiling, she let her own head flop back on the couch. Sighing with contentment, she snuggled further into the couch, allowing the comforting feeling of her incoming high roll onto her slowly. It was a few minutes that had passed before y/n’s eyes blink open again slowly as she sat up quickly realizing she had dozed off for about 30 minutes.

Embarrassment painted her features as she quickly realized where Jisung had been when she dozed off. She looked down and nearly yelped as she saw Jisung with his plump lips, open and spit-slicked, laying in her lap. She felt his hair tickle her thighs through the material of the sweatpants as she sucked in a breath and shook him gently, worried what would happen if he stayed there any longer. Now it was her turn to bite her lip as she felt him stir ever so slightly, and instead of waking up, he then wiggled his face deeper into y/n’s lap, grabbing at her and mumbling something incoherent except for the one word she caught. ‘Warm.’ Jisung burrowed in again, his nose nuzzling along her thigh as he breathed out peacefully, his breath fanning across her tummy, where her shirt had risen in her short slumber. Y/n’s breath caught as she let out a little hiccup when one deep sigh let out just the right amount of air to feel a small bead of arousal leak out of her hole and into her panties. After freezing in fear when she felt Jisung nuzzle impossibly deeper, almost driven in his sleep by his body’s unconscious drive to feel her closer. It was over for her though when she felt the tip of his nose nuzzle in just right so that it barely traced over her clothed clit. With a squeak she felt her clit throb more strongly this time and the arousal continued to pool in both her underwear and belly before she’d decided she’d had enough. She grabbed Jisung by the hair and lifted his sleeping body up.

Jisung awoke with a start and a yelp as his hands reached up to where y/n’s were caught tangled in his brunette locks. His bracelet jangled as he looked up at y/n with unshed tears and a pout on his lips, making them look so kissable. After a few seconds y/n smoothed her hand back over his hair and massaged it. She let her hands begin to knead into Jisung’s neck, trying to work out any sore spots as an apology for waking him up so urgently. With the pout still on his lips, he peered up at y/n as he felt his body begin to melt into her touch. “Why did you even do that anyways?” She shook her head and did something which Jisung did not expect at all. She leaned down and pressed her glossy lips to the tip of his nose gently. As his brain was short circuiting he looked up at her with his big boba eyes shining in the soft light and another pout formed on his lips. “W-what was that for?” He asked, his eyes trailing away to look at the posters and photos on the wall, a testament to the brilliance of your youth that you two shared together. Y/n simply smiled and retracted her face from Jisung’s. She twinkled out a laugh, eyes turning into little crescents, and flicked him in the forehead.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

How to write a character’s dialogue where they make jokes a lot but have suicidal thoughts?

Philosophers such as Plato and Aristotle have been trying to explain humor since ancient times. Recent scholars have proposed several theories explaining the underlying mechanisms of humor:

Release Theory of Humor - the theory that people laugh out of a need to release pent-up psychic energy. In Sigmund Freud’s version of this theory, humor permits the expression of normally taboo impulses, and the energy it releases is that normally used in keeping such impulses out of consciousness.

Relief Theory - focuses primarily on the motivational mechanisms of interpersonal needs, positing that humor provides relief of tension. The authors describe this as akin to a hydraulic engine, with laughter serving the function of a steam pipe pressure valve. In this way, pent-up pressure is relieved through laughter. More specifically, the muscular and respiratory processes involved in laugher serve the important role of releasing pent-up nervous energy (Martin & Ford, 2018).

Incongruity Theory - believed to be the most influential humor theory, with some proposing that “incongruity is at the core of all humor” (Zhan, 2012, p. 95). This theory is intuitive, as a joke with an expected or obvious punchline is simply not funny. Instead, laughter occurs in response to unexpected punchlines or those that go against usual patterns (Wilkins & Eisenbraun, 2009).

The "Sad Clown" Trope - This character trope is the wisecracking funnyman who copes with his hopeless position with humor — usually of the groan-inducing kind.

He is totally insecure at heart and keeps on running his mouth to fool himself into thinking he's confident or to get people to like him.

In the most tragic cases though, people do actually find them genuinely charming and likeable because of their humor and like being around them.

This is usually of little comfort to the Sad Clowns, whose insecurities cause them to fear that people only really like the "Clown" part of them, and so they do their damnedest to always be the "Clown" in public, but bury and suppress the "Sad" side of them as deeply as possible, because they are afraid that people would like them less if they were to find out about it.

Often put in more serious series to add some comic relief, while at the same time secretly revealing to the audience that the character is a simmering pot of hidden insecurities and angst, just like everyone else in the cast.

Very commonly tragic Truth in Television, as it's actually very common for people afflicted with mental illnesses (especially Bipolar Disorder, anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, Personality Disorders, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders for example) to actually have a great sense of humor.

It sounds contradictory, but mental illness isn't all sadness and darkness. One thing that is common to many people with mental illnesses is severe self-doubt about their value as a person.

Cracking jokes and making people laugh can help temporarily ease some of those feelings. Not to mention that humor is a very effective coping mechanism.

Examples: "Sad Clown" Trope

East of Eden offers this exchange about the stereotype of the Irish. Lee: "But the Irish are said to be a happy people, full of jokes." Samuel Hamilton: "There's y our pidgin and your queue. They are not. They are a dark people with a gift for suffering way past their deserving. It's said that without whisky to soak and soften the world, they'd kill themselves. But they tell jokes because it's expected of them."

Hector from Coco seems like a carefree, charming con-artist who just wants to go to the Land of the Living like everyone else on the holiday. Then it's revealed that he is a deeply tragic character who has been unjustly hated and separated from his family for decades, and all that energetic silliness was a front to cover up a lot of sadness and shame.

Homer Simpson is a pretty good example of this trope. Though he's usually fairly exuberant, he's attempted suicide at least three times in the series, and during the early seasons, was often shown to be insecure about the way he looks, not to mention the stress related to his job. In the modern episodes, Homer's childhood was revealed with his parents constantly fighting and his father taking out his frustration on him, bringing about Homer's constant eating habits.

Sources: 1 2 3 ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Considering some theories on humour, like those mentioned above, and studying the dialogue of characters that exhibit the "sad clown" trope (and other similar ones) might be used as inspiration for your character. You can read more examples here that I wasn't able to include in this post. Hope this helps with your writing!

[gamerbot-22]

Trigun Cuddles

Because I am ill and depressed and I would like my blorbos to hold me about it. (Literally I am in the middle of the worst cold of my fucking LIFE right now but I persist. Somehow.)

Also it’s kinda wild that it’s taken me this long to write anything for Trigun considering it’s taken over my life entirely since I finished watching TriStamp a while back? So here's me trying to rectify that.

TW/CWs: Written with no definitive versions of these characters in mind (except Knives/Nai) but my clearest point of reference is TriStamp, probably overly sappy in places because I’m allowed it as a treat, pretty romantic in tone because I’m Normal, barely proofread.

Likes and Reblogs appreciated, RQs are open, it’s all under the cut! (If anyone sends me a Trigun request I will kiss you on the mouth /p)

I’m experimenting with layouts, too. What do you guys think?

🥀 Vash the Stampede

Please hold him he has been through so much and he deserves it—

Triple S-Tier fucking cuddler. I will not be convinced otherwise, he’s just the perfect shape for it.

He’ll lay down first and let you move him however you want him so you’re comfy first. Partially does this because of his chronic need to people please and partially because he’s slept in so many weird positions over the years that he genuinely doesn’t mind if it means he gets to hold you.

If you ask, though, his favorite position is any one that makes it easy to put his face against your neck. He just wants to be close.

Being a Plant means he’s, by default, very cool to the touch, I think. Vash is a Well Ventilated King like that—

Also if you let him I think he’ll sneak little kisses sometimes. They never last more than a second or two, but this is what happens when you’re in smoochin’ distance!!

He has dreams most nights, so that means a bit of sleep-talking and mumbling, but if you pet his hair he usually calms down, nuzzling in closer and giving you a little squeeze about it.

🍭 Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Another man who desperately needs a cuddle.

I think he takes a bit more convincing than Vash, though. Like Vash’ll drop everything to give you a hug but Nico is, ironically enough, more of a cat about it. You gotta let him come to you, y’know?

But if you do it’s really nice. He wants to be as close as possible, because he cares a lot and he trusts you, but he’s bad at saying it and this is a good way to make up for all the silence.

He’s strong and you can feel it, but he’s careful. He never crushes you, he's just got you tight so you’re up against his chest all night.

Also this man is a radiator. Blankets are not recommended when cuddling with him because you will wake up in a sea of your own sweat—

He can also be a bit of an asshole about his scruff. He knows it’s rough like the rest of him, but he’s less sorry about it than his calloused hands so guess who’s gonna be on the receiving end of some scratchy-ass nuzzles!!!

He doesn’t sleep-talk, but he does snore, so sometimes you gotta roll him over into a new position to spare yourself the sound.

📸 Meryl Stryfe

Augh... Meryl.... Underrated queen...

I feel like cuddling is not that hard of a sell for her, especially since Gunsmoke nights are cold as shit. And it's compounding with Meryl being one of those people with "feel how cold my hands are" circulation.

Probably gonna have to ask people to donate blankets to The Cause, but hey!! You'll be like two caterpillars sharing a cocoon by the end of the night, and isn't that what it's all about?

Also you're probably gonna want to make sure that cocoon is wrapped up tight because Meryl kicks in her sleep. Not hard, I don't think, but you can definitely feel it in any dreams you have--

Thankfully though, she's very quiet. No sleep-talking, no snoring (usually,) just. A Lotta Movement unless you're holding her especially tight.

I think she's very versatile when it comes to cuddling positions, though. Like some nights she wants to be held and then the next night she wants to be the one doing the holding.

And I'm very firmly of the belief that Meryl is the type to pack pjs whenever she goes somewhere. So like, with Vash and Wolfie you're going to have to deal with various states of undress, Meryl has a really cute, soft two-piece set of pjs.

💼 Milly Thompson

That's right!!! She's here too!!! I felt the need to include this sweetheart even though she's probably the main character I know the least about (one day I will finish '98 and Maximum, this I swear--)

Vash and Meryl being Well Ventilated Royalty 🤝 Nico and Milly being Human Shaped Hot Water Bottles--

Unlike Wolfie though, I think Milly is a much more comfortable heat. Like you can still have a light blanket over the two of you and be okay.

Also low-key I think Milly is objectively the best cuddler in this bunch. She came from a family with like a million kids, she's probably very used to sharing a bed while still being comfortable.

Like if you just tell her how you're the most comfortable she has the position down to a science. It's an observed science, but a science nonetheless!!!

If you ask her what she likes, though, the gal just wants to be cradled. She wants to feel precious and protected, damnit!!

Similar to Meryl, I think she has pajamas packed, and hers is this really long, comfy nightgown that feels really nice to hang on to.

🔪 Millions Knives / Nai

No. [Gets up from my desk]

[I am forcibly placed back in front of my computer] Alright, alright! Jesus Christ, look-- I can play in the space, but truly, down to my core, I feel like there is no way in hell Nai would go down for a cuddle on anyone else's terms. Just like. Idk. "Don't cuddle with this knife pervert" or whatever BDG said in that Polygon Mortal Kombat video I love so much.

Vash and Meryl are Well Ventilated. Nai is fucking freezing. Like the only temperature comfortable way to do this is for you to channel the thickest burrito you have ever seen and pray that's enough blankets.

You get. Maybe an arm out of this trade deal. At least at first. He already went out of his way to get you nice blankets, and you want more? In this economy he's trying to run into the ground??? Humans are so selfish! (He is doing all this complaining while hoisting you and your blankets' mass over to his side of whatever horizontal surface you have claimed as a bed--)

Aside from whatever limb he has on you, I just. I don't think he even sleeps. Like it turns more into a Forced Meditation for him where he just lays on his back and stares at the ceiling while you relax/get some z's.

The Weird Space Onesie Stays ON During Sex Cuddles.

Maybe. Maybe. If he likes you enough... You get to spend a cuddle session swaddled up in that spaceman-ass security blanket jacket/hood/whatever-it-is he wears.

[billysgirllol]

“well, i wish you hadn’t.” had worse, because he seems kind and she feels sympathy. the pet name bringing a little happiness to her depressed mind. “no, i got my ideas off… things i used to see in this little village we were settled in for a little while and thought i’d have to resort to while growin’ up…” keeping it vague, but inside her head she means the women who’s had to do awful things just to eat. remembering how as a little girl it disturbed her to the point it scared her in thinking that’s how she was going to have to grow up and make a livin’. “worried ‘bout me?” questioning in confusion, who has actually been worried about her in so long? it takes her off guard. “mhm, it made for an easy dinner that you could easily find ingredients for before even those became harder to come by. so we got blueberry pie and chicken dumplin’s in common, that’s interestin’…” laying on her side, comparing how little her and coriolanus had in common. even more of a bigger mind twist. “somethin’ we can talk ‘bout later.” putting it off, because she has a feeling he’s going to try and talk her out of it even she’s smiling softly because it’s yet again too sweet of him. the kindness almost uncanny, how thoughtful and considerate. “alrighty.” softly replying, glancing at him leaving in disbelief. because he’s tall, too. but he’s different. and how’s that? no wonder it feels so skeptical, feeling like something is going to go wrong at any second now. “i’ll give reva blue a talk about bad talkin’ me.” placing her bear on its back in front of her, patting it’s belly. “besides that, the feisty bird always get the worm at least.” changing around the early bird quote, a little amusement plaguing her because she’s still rambling while’s walking off.

“no, i— really do feel awful about it.” reassuring concernedly as her brows knit before realizing he’s just trying to tease her. “oh, that?” remembering how insane she acted, all for… what actually? to play a fun game in order to hide she was trying to take his gun instead of being honest? well, now she realizes all she’s left with is shame and embarrassment. “that wasn’t me. well… it was me. but it was jokin’ me.” maybe now’s the time to confess even if joking doesn’t make it any much better. “too bad there’s not a frozen lake or even snow, or i would— dig the ice out and press it to your bruise.” snow. it’s annoying how using the word in a sentence can bring back a terrible feeling of how foolish she was to go all the way of even writing a song about snow, comparing him to being pure to it. makes her angry and resentful, all while the other son stuns her by playing with her stuffed animal and he’s stretching his neck to take care of her. how’s any of it of real? that there’s another snow, but this one actually resembles the purity she was trying to sing in the song she made for the wrong one. “like…?” forgetting what he said, because she again got caught up in gawking at him. “oh. well, i like fruit and biscuits. and dumplings in chicken broth. fish. dandelions. chocolate. most of that, i haven’t eaten in years though. i usually survive on plants and vegetables, or fish in the summer.” she has to watch her intake on fish though, with poisoning and all. “you’re right, but…” but she’s wary, what if there’s an exception when it comes to her? one word of it getting out somehow she’s alive to coriolanus, he’ll come and finish killing her off. so of course, she’s overly worried and overly paranoid. “well…you don’t know me well, but you’re believin’ what reva blue tells you.” finally, a more lighthearted smile can make a return on her face. it wouldn’t make him feel better? she guesses she has to take note of that, not used to green flags. “alright,” sighing in defeat, she doesn’t want her hair showing or the rest of herself showing anyway, so why wouldn’t she just stay glued to her blanket cocoon. “you can go on, then. i’ll stay here and rest.” taking the rest of the bread to make him feel better, even if she won’t be eating all of it.

[hazzashouse]

Through the Darkness (Harry Styles one shot)

This topic is incredibly important to me. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to someone you trust—a friend, a family member, or a professional. You are not alone, and you are loved. There is strength in asking for support, and there are people who want to be there for you. You are never alone.

Pairing: Harry Styles x Female Reader

Word Count: 5.1k

Triggers: Depression, anxiety, emotional distress, mentions of isolation, self-doubt, and heavy themes of mental health struggles. Please read with care.

The world outside your apartment window was cold and colorless, mirroring the ache in your chest. Days blurred into nights, the sun rising and setting without your notice. It had been weeks since you last stepped outside for more than a grocery run. Even then, the strain of smiling at the cashier left you drained for days.

The depression you thought you’d left behind had returned, a familiar weight pressing against your chest, heavy and relentless. It was worse this time because it felt like failure. You’d been doing so well—hadn’t you? Harry had told you how proud he was. Your friends had said you seemed lighter. And now, here you were again, feeling like a burden to everyone you loved.

Harry was away on tour, as he always was this time of year. The texts and calls were there, of course. But you hadn’t told him. You couldn’t. His life was busy, full of flashing lights and cheering crowds, and you couldn’t bear to drag him into the shadows with you. He didn’t need that—not when he was living his dream.

So you suffered in silence, telling yourself you’d find your way out. Except, you didn’t.

Your best friend, Emily, was the first to notice. She’d stopped by unexpectedly, armed with a smile and coffee. You hadn’t answered her texts for days, and she’d decided to check in. When you opened the door, she froze, her face dropping.

“Hey…” she said softly, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. “What’s going on, babe?”

You didn’t have the energy to lie.

Emily took one look at the unwashed dishes, the unopened curtains, and the dark circles under your eyes and immediately understood. She’d seen this before.

“Oh, love,” she murmured, pulling you into a hug. The warmth of her arms broke something inside you, and the tears you’d been holding back spilled over.

Emily didn’t leave that night. She made you tea, coaxed you into eating something, and stayed until you fell asleep. The next morning, she tried to talk to you about reaching out to Harry.

“He’ll want to know,” she said gently. “He loves you. You know he’d drop everything.”

But you shook your head. “I don’t want to ruin his tour. He’s happy.”

Emily sighed but didn’t push. Instead, when you weren’t looking, she sent Harry a message herself:

Hey, I know you’re busy, but she’s struggling again. She didn’t want me to tell you, but I think you should know. Call me when you can.

Harry didn’t see the text until hours later. His phone had been in the dressing room while he performed to a sold-out crowd. When the show ended and he finally unlocked it, Emily’s message was waiting.

He read it twice before his heart sank.

————————

Harry’s decision to leave wasn’t even a question. His team tried to reason with him, suggesting he finish the next two shows before taking a break, but he shook his head.

“No,” he said firmly. “She needs me. She’s more important than any of this.”

————————

The sound of a key in the lock woke you from a restless sleep. You sat up, your heart pounding as the door creaked open. When Harry’s familiar figure appeared, relief and guilt warred inside you.

“Harry?” Your voice cracked.

He didn’t say anything at first, just crossed the room in a few strides and pulled you into his arms. His chest rose and fell against yours, and you realized he was trembling.

“I’m here, love,” he whispered into your hair. “I’m here.”

You didn’t mean to cry, but his presence—his warmth, his steady heartbeat—was the comfort you hadn’t known you needed.

Harry didn’t try to fix you. He knew better than that. Instead, he stayed close, quietly reminding you of his love in the small ways that mattered most.

He opened the curtains one morning and sat with you on the couch, not saying a word as you watched the sunlight pour in.

He ran a bath for you, adding your favorite lavender oil, and sat outside the door in case you needed him.

He cooked meals you didn’t have the energy to eat but never made you feel guilty for it.

On the hardest days, when leaving the bed felt impossible, he stayed with you, holding your hand as if anchoring you to the world.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he told you one night, his voice steady. “Whatever you need, whenever you need it—I’m here.”

Slowly, the darkness began to lift. Harry’s patience, his unwavering support, created space for you to breathe again. He reminded you of the things you loved—the music you used to listen to, the books you hadn’t touched in months, the way your laughter used to fill the room.

It wasn’t easy, and there were setbacks. But with Harry by your side, you began to believe that maybe, just maybe, you’d be okay.

One afternoon, as you sat together on the couch, you looked at him and whispered, “Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, his green eyes soft.

“For loving me. For staying.”

Harry smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Always.”

And in that moment, you knew it was true.

————————

like and reblog if you liked it and follow me to not miss my future content - I will very much appreciate it! Lots of love, A.

[desultory-suggestions]

"It gets better for everyone!" is a insultingly naïve mindset born from luck and having correct circumstances. It factually does not magically ""get better"" for everyone, but people like you get LUCKY and deem that its that way for everyone else, without reflecting that in another life it could have just as easily been different. Are you really going to tell people who have no support system, are in poverty "don't worry because it's JUST your depression making you sad silly!!!". I work with people everyday who have no family, no friends, and can't even begin to dig themselves out of that hole, but I'll make sure to pass on that a 20 year old tumblr user said to "decorate their bedroom" and it'd set them on the fast track to getting better :).

Hello,

I hear what you are saying, and it is clear from your words that you like so many of us have and continue to deal with the incredibly real systemic, chronic, or inherent issues that can make like so exhausting. Most mail like this is sent in the heat of emotional pressure and pain, and I hope whatever it is you are feeling now can be addressed in a meaningful way that supports you.

I thought about giving an answer to this, but it seems obvious to me (and I'd hope to anyone who follows me) that this just doesn't make sense to argue. This blog has never advocated that mental illness or suffering are "silly" or easily fixable, and I have talked candidly and often about how systemic oppression is causing so much of the suffering we are told is all in our heads. I have even talked candidly about how my upbringing, adverse experiences, and struggles with discrimination have effected me.

While many can benefit from the kind of content I share (which is less dense than it used to be, fair!) many will not. Even those who do benefit will still need meaningful help addressing real issues like housing, food, safety, community, etc. Those of us who are able to stop and enjoy a simpler positive post are privileged to do so, and we shouldn't forget that. It doesn't mean we cannot enjoy, support, create, or rely on this kind of content. We all respond to different things, and I know first hand this blog has helped many people. However, we must be conscious of how we can take action to support those around us who need it the most, who are struggling with being unhoused, unfed, unwelcome, unloved.

I am sorry that whatever post you saw sparked so much frustration for you, but I think you already know that not everything is for everyone. Some people are helped by the "little things" and that is wonderful. Of course it never has and never will mean we should ignore the big ones.

Best,

Evan

[aftgficrec]

Hi do you guys know of any fics where neil ends up in Easthaven (or similar) because years of ignoring his trauma and refusing Bee finally catches up with him and it’s andreil focused?

There’s plenty about Neil and his mental health around, but most fics where Neil is in Easthaven or a similar institution are AUs. We’ve got some postcanon fics for you here where Neil has neglected his mental health to such a degree that the consequences are fairly disastrous (even though often he finally agrees to go to therapy). So, beware of the trigger warnings! - S

Also see these previous recs:

(see top of posts for further recs)

Neil & Bee here 

Neil goes to therapy here

Neil attempts suicide here

You might also like…

Andreil and eating disorders here

Andreil meet in Easthaven here

Neil with depression/mental illness here

Neil with anxiety attacks here

Some more fics featuring Neil struggling with his mental health/seeking help:

‘cracked but not smashed’ here

‘I No Longer Feel Things (I Know I Should)’ (since updated) and ‘I can feel you under my skin’ here

‘I'm Not Okay (I Promise)’ here

‘yes, I’m still trying’ here

I feel the burden now (it’s weighing down my soul) by Loverz_rock [Not Rated, 3238 words, complete, 2024]

Neil broke away from Andrew’s gaze to stare out the window. “Will you keep me from killing myself? Ever since you gave me a key and told me to stay I’ve been fighting to do just that. But I don’t have it in me to do it any longer. I don’t know how to live now that I’m allowed to.” Neil let his fingers run through his hair as he returned his gaze to the blond. Andrew’s hand twitched to reach out. Instead he took a long drag from his cigarette, focusing on letting the smoke out. “Don’t ask for stupid things. I’m not going to make a deal about that” Neil didn’t push, he just stood there staring at Andrew while inhaling the smoke to keep him grounded. “I’m already doing that, idiot.” Or: Neil is sinking down a dark place during his last year of college, but Andrew is there to catch him.

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: ptsd

I Am A Forest Fire by hetheylecter [Rated M, 3558 words, complete, 2024]

Everyone was staring at him, he knew. They were thinking how stupid he was for all this. He was Neil Josten. He was Nathaniel fucking Wesninski. He should not be breaking down over a few friends family moving on with their lives.  or. it’s neil’s senior year. he’s totally coping.

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: ptsd, tw: vomit, tw: dissociation, tw: blood

Neil Josten is Not Fine by the_greater_grief [Rated T, 3365 words, complete, Aftg Then & Never 2024]

After weeks of nightmares and an embarrassing discovery, Neil finally decides to pay Betsy a visit.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: nightmares, tw: bedwetting

i'll take anything you have (if you could throw me a line) by ifitmeanslosingyou [Rated M, 923 words, complete, 2024]

the sunrise can be pretty, neil thinks, but instead of the pinks and oranges washing him with ease, neil can’t help the panic at the thought that he’s been up here for longer than he planned to he wonders if anyone has even realized he left the dorms in the first place, wonders if andrew even looked when neil left the bedroom, wonders if he gave up, wonders if he finally came to his senses and realized neil was more trouble than he’s worth wonders if the roof of the court is high enough that the fall would kill him

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: implied/referenced self harm

help, I've lost myself again (but I remember you) by abitsillygoofy [Not Rated, 5320 words, complete, 2024]

“Neil we have to talk about it,” Betsy said “I don’t think so” Neil replied “Nope, not happening” He popped the p at the end trying to make the woman mad at him. “You just tried to kill yourself, so I think we have to have this talk” Betsy didn’t seem bothered by his act and kept her nice, neutral facial expression, but unlike on his session looked worried too. or Neil wakes up in the hospital after his suicide attempt and has to face what he did.

tw: suicide attempt, tw: self harm, tw: blood

I Quit Talking Again, I Know You're Still Listening by Hyalophagia [Not Rated, 36085 words, complete, 2024]

"Andrew didn’t know how to stop something from breaking; he’d nearly died trying. But Neil had taught him it was possible to put the broken pieces back together, and he was determined to return the favour." Neil was only a freshman and a rookie when he made his deal with Ichirou. He hadn't stopped to consider how much pressure he was putting on himself; he'd lived in danger his entire life and was used to fighting to stay alive. He'd be fine. He'd always been fine and he always would be. Right?

tw: self harm, tw: dissociation, tw: disordered eating, tw: ptsd, tw: panic attacks

hand. cheek. trigger. bang. by tae_doelee [Rated T, 3980 words, incomplete, last updated March 2022]

(NB: fic is marked as complete, but the storyline is left unfinished)

Neils struggle with depression post-AFTG, things have changed but maybe not as much as he thought.

tw: ptsd, tw: depression, tw: dissociation

You Still have me by Marydu [Rated G, 3826 words, complete, 2022]

Neil is missing again Andrew is worried Where is Neil? What the hell is going on? Andrew is furious that he doesn't know

tw: dissociation, tw: alcohol abuse, tw: minor character death

bullet point fic/headcanon by nightquills [Rated T, collection, complete, 2021]

Chapter 8: out of touch

neil knew that things couldn’t stay the same forever. he knew he and his foxes, his friends, his family would be leaving palmetto soon to start the rest of their lives. 

tw: depression, tw: dissociation

Choices by Tori_Scribbles [Rated T, 3306 words, complete, 2019]

Part 6 of In A Foxes Hole

“You walked into Evermore, knowing full well what they were going to do to you. You left with your father’s people not expecting to come back out alive. But Betsy is what you’re terrified of?”

tw: anxiety, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Neil & therapy by @queer-lovebot [tumblr, 2023]

Knowing Neil, he isn’t getting therapy post-canon for at Least 5 years. He is, however, extremely curious about the effects it has on literally all the other Foxes.

AU-setting:

you make your hand a gun (you lie to everyone) by superache208 [Rated T, 13740 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2025]

When Andrew arrives at the Columbia Psychiatric Hospital, he feels nothing but numb. That is until he meets his roommate Neil. Neil has been in the hospital for two weeks, and he's determined to escape. Unless someone gives him a reason to stay. Or: where Neil and Andrew first meet in a Psychiatric Hospital before ever meeting the Foxes and slowly learn to heal.

tw: suicide attempt, tw: anxiety, tw: ptsd, tw: eating disorders, tw: paranoia

more than enough by drunk_poet [Rated M, 6114 words, complete, 2024]

In the shadows of a quiet mental hospital, two broken men find themselves adrift in a world that doesn’t see them. Andrew Minyard hides behind silence, having long forgotten how to connect with anyone. Neil Josten wears his scars like armor, each one a piece of his fractured past. Neither of them expects more than solitude within these walls. But when their paths cross in the silence of an empty room, something unexpected stirs—an understanding, a shared darkness that only they can see in each other. Drawn together by wounds that refuse to heal, they begin to find solace in each other's presence, their guarded hearts slowly thawing in moments of quiet connection. Their bond is fragile, threatened by the very ghosts that brought them here, yet they find themselves clinging to it, both terrified and mesmerized by the possibility of love in the unlikeliest of places.

tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced suicide attempt, tw: panic attacks

5 Meter Walls | 5 Meter Mauern by jetblackromance [Rated E, 7570 words, complete, 2024]

Teen Neil and teen Andrew meet in a psychiatric ward. Neil’s mom died at the beach after an encounter with Neil's father's men. Neil's own wounds were more severe than he had thought. He passed out in a motel and the owner called child services on him. They found him just in time and called an ambulance. After a few weeks in the hospital, they decided a stay at the psychiatric ward would be best for him. Andrew was staying with Cass and Richard. He had accepted that he had to deal with Drake if he wanted to stay with Cass. He found his own way to cope with it. Usually he hid it well enough; no one but Drake knew about it, the armbands covered the evidence. But one day, Cass saw and signed him up for an eight week long stay at a psychiatric ward.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: scars

Sunrise by hetheylecter [Rated M, 4459 words, complete, 2024]

Freedom was… not what Neil was expecting. It wasn’t as… freeing?  or. neil navigates the hell that is middle school, mental health, and freedom.

tw: self harm, tw: suicide attempt, tw: eating disorders, tw: implied/referenced bullying

Butchered Bloodline by starrycassi [Rated M, 26472 words, incomplete, last updated Oct 2024]

Nathaniel's life is pretty boring. He has been a long-term patient in a mental facility for the last half of a decade, after all, so there aren't that many options to entertain oneself with. That is until Andrew Minyard breaks into his life — along with a serial killer, a chance to rebuild his life and a truth for truth deal. Or the one where after being captured along with his father, Nathaniel attempts to keep up with his own existence.

tw: graphic descriptions of violence, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced dismemberment, tw: cannibalism, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced torture

Baby, We're Both Crazy by Detective4 [Not Rated, 7806 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2023]

“So...Have you been here before?” Neil’s eyebrows furrowed, “What?” “To Orchard Respite. Or any other hospital I guess. This is my second time here, sixth time in a psychiatric hospital in total.” Daniel said, far too cheerfully. “This is… My first time.” “A first-timer?” Daniel’s eyes widened, “Boy, are you in for a treat."  -- Teens Andrew and Neil meet for the first time in a mental hospital. They've both been committed against their will and both for different reasons. With all their multitudes of issues, can they find love?

tw: implied/referenced suicide attempt, tw: implied/referenced self harm

[zot3-flopped]

So i recently listenend to ttpd due to me always listening to all of the people that are at the grammys for this year (i just like checking out people or songs i otherwise wouldn‘t try out)

Here are my thoughts on ttpd:

In one of the songs she calls her fans vipers that called her out for dating matty. And frankly that is a big point i want to touch on. She always talked in interviews that she finds it ok to make sure people know who songs are about cause these men should feel shame. She always makes sure to be obvious so her fans can send hate towards these people. Sometimes she even makes easter eggs to hint at who it is about. Like yes the joke that ts only ever writes about exes is overdone, but she clearly always benefited from it, making this parasocial relationship even deeper. And she does this in a way that i have not seen other artists usually do. Thinking of lana, theweeknd or bruno mars- they write about their exes but you don‘t see them being this obvious and exploiting their relationship.

What i want to say is that while i am a big fan of her songs that have been personal, i don‘t take it lightly that she now suddenly dislikes fans calling her out. Either don‘t allow the fans to come close at all, or accept that you let them in and they now act like your friends who have a say in who you date. She is the victim of the own sphere she made. I don‘t feel sorry for this

I can do it with a broken heart sounds like a midnight made song and with a bit too much ego, which can lead into a place that is iffy because it feels like taylor knows she is too big to not sell well

I also don‘t take lightly that taylor had to mention kim again, which ok fine it has been years but i guess you can still be cut up about it. What i do not let slide is how she uses kim‘s child as a pawn in her play. Bringing children into your beef has always been weird, but bringing the child of your own declared „enemy“ into this to benefit from it, is not of taste. Especially because she knows her fanbase, she knows her fans will dig out said child and send hate. I mean this is like leaving a piece of sugar ourside and then acting like a victim when ants eat it. 

A lot of lyrics or idea of songs do not stick the landing. The lyrics are sometimes like a rambling. Like a person talking to their therapist or their friend. There aren‘t even proper catchy beats behind it. It is like it lacks character and the autonomy that a pop song has to make it memorable and to make it stand out. Like do i go into a ts record thinking it would be groundbreaking? No, ts always played it safe. She never gave me a more ballsy production like lana, lord or billie while also having good lyrics. But i expected at least a core to it, something to remember it by. It is sad because at her height, she can allow herself to be artistically standout ish, she can allow herself to take a step outside of this safe space, takikg an artistic risk, as i have said, because even she knows she is too big to not sell

The writing is crammed and doesn‘t have good hooks or melodies within the lyrics. And i know taylor is capable of delivering on that front usually. Folklore and everymore were lyrically well thought out, you were able to remember the lyrics and melody based only on how she sang the songs. Ttpd suffers under it‘s crammed lyrics and lack of melody even while singing the songs.

Ttpd doesn‘t have the catchy beats 1989 had, nor the buzz red had. Not even the deep cuts from lover can be compared to ttpd because ttpd feels washed out and as i said: 

just like a friend rambling to a friend about how angry she is over one guy making her wait and how he has depression and wouldn‘t commit. And how another guy love bombed her but also couldn‘t commit and she is oh soo angry about this. 

If this is all i can take away from an album with over 30 songs then there is something wrong with it

As i said i usually listen to all of grammy music for several years now, but i have always taken something from it: vocal wise, lyric wise or beat wise

This album sadly didn‘t give me anything and i would be saddened to see it awarded. If all i can take away from a music record is: she was mad as hell

Then what benefit do i get from listening to it? Nothing!!!! 

Ttpd is nothing to me

Ttpd is nothing, it is emptiness but the emptiness isn‘t impressive, isn‘t memorable

Ttpd equals nothing

Very interesting! I don't think for a minute that Poets will get an AOTY award. The reviews all criticised the lack of memorable instrumentation/melodies/production.

[quinngefail]

Quinn, Do you ship any Rare-pairs in the SAW????...if not could I hear of some of your Character head-cannons for any of the characters?? Also your little sona is very <3<3<3<3 -🍧

HEHEHH THANK YOU

And there's none I'm super super huge on yet, I gotta watch these mf movies more though 😭 there's just a number of characters that I've only seen in action once so far, so like THERE'S POTENTIAL FOR BRAINROT. IT JUST HASN'T SET IN YET

I know I've talked about Strahmheight. But I'm very much in the stages of like 'I enjoy this as a concept. I don't have any solid thoughts beyond that though' Y'KNOW,, in a similar vein, I like the idea of Perez/Amanda :] couldn't elaborate on more yet though lol

And I'll give you a more recent headcanon I've been thinking about :> ! Things are subject to change, of course, but this is the working idea thus far:

In a very stereotypical Wealthy Upbringing fashion, Lawrence was taught how to play the piano while growing up (full context for what I've been brainstorming on that upbringing here lol)- specifically by his parents, as both enjoyed playing. And though they were far from the best parental figures, I imagine that being a genuine source of family bonding. Eventually, either after his mother passed or when his father did years later (haven't fully decided yet), that piano was among the things that were left to him. He had a hard time getting back into playing though- one part due to his complicated feelings on his parents, and the other because of life just generally getting busier and busier.

But, post bathroom trap, the recovery process with his prosthetic required a very sedentary lifestyle for the time being. And in this whole cocktail of trauma, depression, fear, and frankly, boredom, he'd slowly get back into playing the piano- all of the techniques and such coming back to him like a second instinct. It became a very common thing he'd do in his recovery, just sitting and getting lost in it for hours.

And of course, obligatory mention of him inevitably playing for Adam and this becoming a regular thing between them, CUTE SHIT, YADDA YADDA,

It's just been melting my heart. Just a little bit lmao

[eemamminy-art]

I was talking with some friends about it just now and I wanted to share my headcanons for the bachelor/ettes ages in stardew valley! These are just my own personal interpretations of them and of course you can disagree if you feel differently, but I wanted to share anyway! I actually put a lot of thought into picking them and have reasons for each of them being the ages they are, which I summarized a little bit below :3

Alex - 20 He seems like he's still in this mindset of someone who just graduated high school and is about to move on to bigger things, but he's spinning his wheels talking about all the things he's gonna do and never taking meaningful steps toward achieving those things (until meeting the farmer, that is)

Elliott - 32 He seems like someone who maybe had a privileged background and lots of opportunities, spent a few years in a career and just realized he yearned for something more romantic and wistful out of life. He has these lines that seem kind of out of touch and idealistic, which makes me think he hasn't had to struggle too much in life but wants to experience that in order to live out his dreams as a writer (thus, living in the conditions he does and trying to live a very simple life in the valley)

Harvey - 35 He has to skew older just due to him being a doctor with his own clinic, but Harvey seems like someone who doesn't have too much practical experience in life and relationships, and also isn't really good at taking care of himself. So mid-30's fits perfect: still at that stage where he hasn't quite found himself or had a lot of experiences but has a very extensive education and on the surface seems very put-together.

Shane - 30 There's all sorts of reasons why Shane went off the rails (general listlessness in life, Jas' parents passing away, maybe unfulfilled dreams?) but I picked 30 for him as like, he had been struggling with all those aforementioned things and then hitting that milestone birthday kind of was a wakeup call that compounded his mental health struggles. I think he could even be older than that, honestly, but I like the idea of him still being somewhat young but just hitting that sort of "now what?" feeling in his late 20's and never pulling out of it.

Sebastian - 28 To me, Sebastian is similar to Shane in the sense of not having a direction in life and just getting by with the bare minimum while being unhappy overall. He has less life experience than Shane seems to so I put him in his 20's, but I like to think of him as someone going through a quarter life crisis who is maybe a bit more immature than people his own age but has no idea how to course correct and opts to just sleep his problems away as a means of coping with his depression.

Sam - 25 I like to lean into Sam's relationship with his little brother and the role he plays as the man of the house while his father is overseas, so I see him as someone who has ambitions in life but he is very caring and sentimental toward his family so he has been stalling his own life in order to care for Vincent, since he feels like he's the only one who can.

~~~

Maru - 21 Given the way her dad talks about her "bright future" I imagine her being in college still. I liked the idea of her and Sebastian having a decently large age gap too, to better highlight how dysfunctional their relationship is and how she looks up to him while he is unable to connect with her in any positive way. On that note, I think her being so much younger and finding more success than Sebastian also could contribute to their sibling issues.

Penny - 23 I think with Penny I put the least thought into with picking her age-- she's someone who is relatively naive and inexperienced in the world but she has an air of maturity to her as a result of her parentification. She could easily skew older or younger than this, but putting her at this age just felt right!

Leah - 26 I see Leah as being someone who is well into adulthood but still quite young, but old enough to have experience living on her own in a way that makes her so self-sufficient as she is. I can imagine her leaving home at a young age and really struggling to make ends meet for several years while creating her art. Also her creeping toward 30 could be a reason for her ex to become so pushy about her settling down to have kids and a stable, boring life, as that's the expectation for a lot of women as they get older (or at least, after 30+).

Emily - 29 She just has big sister vibes to me. I wanted her to be older than a lot of the other characters who are from Pelican Town, as this idea that like, she's always been looking out for them like they're her siblings. :3 Plus she just has wine aunt energy, I wanted her to be older than the rest.

Abigail - 23 I think I make her older than a lot of people do, though I still keep her quite young at 23. She's in college still so I wanted her to be around that age, but maybe just going through it slower than her peers. The kind of person that had to retake classes because she didn't plan out her studying or homework appropriately, or she got overwhelmed and dropped classes, or she took a semester or two off, you know! That sort of thing!

Haley - 19 Out of all of these characters, Haley seems the most immature to me so I wanted her to be very close to high school age. She has these desires to shop and to travel and to just enjoy herself, she's not really thinking about the future because she is so young she doesn't really have to. She doesn't really think much about other people initially either, because she has this worldview that doesn't extend much farther beyond herself.

[demonslayerunhinged]

since you do a lot of on point (in my opinion) takes on the characters, especially Sanemi, Thought I had to talk about my very (second)favorite headcanon, (bc I project so much), but I think I THINK Sanemi has ADHD one way or an other (maybe even dyslexia too? idk)

but like, hear me out

-Emotion dysregulation: temper, emotion dysregulation, he's always angry at everything -Delayed emotional processing: process delay, if not fanon, bro became depressed after the final battle, and it's a common thing in ADHD to grief way later in life, usually when everyone had moved on and everything had settled -Crisis-driven hyperfocus(Ig that's how they call it?): bro's Goku under pressure, the fact that he process stuff later, while he manages to take lead in battle or at least he HAD the hang of it like bro been ready for that moment -I think he's more of hyperactive kind of ADHD than inattentive, he seems to be really impulsive, easy to jump to conclusions, (assuming Giyuu's intentions, stabbing Nezuko and slashing his arm mindlessly to prove something, bro didn't think twice trying to bling genya) -sweets, need I say more really? -Sleep disturbances: like, sleeping problems(usually narcolepsy/insomnia or sleeping freestyle lol), look at bro's eyes, does it look like bro sleeps more than 3 hours a day -do you think he have PDA? -beetles! (hyperfixation? Ik special interests are exclusive to autism, so idk) -also ADHD bf x autistic bf (bc sanegiyuu/giyuusane is a must) -also dyslexia is mostly a heavy headcanon, but to thing the reason he can't read/write or at least write is because of it?(correct me if not true)

maybe just maybe (I crave rep, sorry)

Hi @minthy!

Thanks so much! I'm glad you think my rambles are on point 😅 but I don't understand your worry. I thought it was an accepted belief in the fandom that most of the characters, especially the Pillars, are on the spectrum?! Your Sanemi ADHD headcanon makes a shit-ton of sense, and I love how you were able to use it as an explanation for his behavior and actions. Plus ADHD usually comes with depression and anxiety which Sanemi is also shown to have. SaneGiyuu is the ADHD X Autistic power couple combo we need!

I love this headcanon, to me it's literally canon. Thanks so much for sharing this! ❤❤❤

[signedurnamemarjorie]

How the different Taylor Swift eras would act if they had a crush on you <3

A/N: this is just a cute, hypothetical "what if"! Obviously I'm well aware that the different eras aren't their own people but I think it's fun to imagine that they're each different characters <3

°♡°

Debut~

She may act shy around you but she secretly actually really enjoys being around you. She just wishes she had the confidence to tell you how she feels, but for now she'll settle for sitting alone in her room in longing while she strums her guitar

Fearless~

She would be more open about her feelings towards you, but much like Debut I think she may wait for you to make a move before she does. She probably will say something though if you take too long to catch on

Speak Now~

She strikes me as the kind of person to secretly pine for someone for so long before just blurting out her feelings for them one day randomly (I mean she literally crashed a wedding to do just that so it makes sense for her to bottle everything up until she finally explodes)

Red~

Tries to act like she sees you as "just a friend" but no one is buying it. She's still getting over being so badly hurt the last time, so it may take a while for her to act on her feelings and pursue a relationship, even if she's already confessed to liking you

1989~

Although she's greatly obvious with her affections, she will deny just how much she really likes you while simultaneously not being able to shut up about you, much to everyone's exasperation. Her words and actions are contradictory in every possible way

Reputation~

After everything she's been through, it would take her a little bit to truly accept the fact that she has feelings for you. I think she's secretly insecure and can't seem to wrap her head around you viewing her as anything other than a "snake", much less as you actually liking her back

Lover~

Very much in love with you and literally everybody knows. She honest to God won't shut up when it comes to rambling about how amazing you are, and that includes when it comes to talking to you in person. Seriously, it's so hard to get a word in sometimes

Folklore~

More reserved with her feelings of infatuation, but doesn't try to hide her crush on you, she just doesn't announce it like others may do (cough, Lover, cough). She would however happily talk about her crush on you if asked, but she won't be the first one to bring it up

Evermore~

Will literally never, ever say anything about it, preferring to silently pine over you and wallow in her tears when she dreams of you with someone else. Would probably pass out from disbelief if she discovered you liked her back

Midnights~

Even more contradictory than 1989. On the one hand, why should she worry about whether you like her or not? She's a literal goddess, basically a queen in her own right. Then again, the mere thought of you rejecting her sends her into a deep depression for days. It's confusing, to say the least

The Tortured Poets Department~

Avoids you completely. She can't run the risk of falling in love and getting hurt again. While she may fantasize about what life could possibly be like with you, that's all they are, fantasies. Maybe in another lifetime you're together...

°♡°

That's all! Thanks for reading <3

[redlancey]

I hate people slandering Caitlyn for this because your telling me if someone killed your mother (breaking your family apart bc now ur dad is depressed and resentful and distant) (oh and now you have to carry the burden of being the face of your family’s house) (oh and ur only like 20) (OH and that someone was the deranged sister of your situation-ship who kidnapped you [and did god only knows what else while she had you tied up for hours] and you watched her shoot the missile) you WOULDN’T turmoil into rage and hurt and ache (because remember, you’re the new face of your family house, so you have to be strong in the face of this terrorist attack, and the only person who you feel comfortable enough with is the sister of the woman who KILLED YOUR MOTHER) and want revenge?! (Which, and I can’t stress this enough, it feels like you’ve been the victim of this deranged Zaunite for so long because you saw her steal one of the crystals, you almost got stranded in Zaun surrounded by shimmer addicts and almost kidnapped by Silco, finally found the criminal, lost her, then got returned to the bridge only for the sherif to hold you at gun point, then the criminal attacks AGAIN, then your situationship leaves you, THEN you get fucking KIDNAPPED from your shower by the woman, tied up for hours, gun held to your head, watched the woman kill Silco, tell your situationship to kill YOU, finally get a shot on the woman but you don’t take it, get knocked out, and when you finally wake up it’s to the image of the tower where your mother is getting a missile launched into it. THEN, while your still grieving and hurting, the memorial for your mother is attacked by more zaunites [even if it’s not the same woman, it still pushes the knife even deeper])

Idk. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother. But if I did, I’d probably go fucking crazy too.

But also, the same people who hate Caitlyn with a passion for her crimes are the same to launch into debates defending everything Jinx has done.

The whole point of the show is no one is right. Technically you can justify every characters actions. Morality is grey throughout the show, and it really illustrates how classism and poverty and privilege impacts everyone.

I love Ekko. I think he was within his right to be wary of Caitlyn. However, Caitlyn’s swat team specifically targeted Chem Barons (who, we see in one of the first sequences of the show started a gang war over trying to rise to the same power that Silco had, and these gang wars ravaged the undercity to the point of children [Isha, for example] living in fear and constantly in the run bc of the risk of being killed by these gangs) and Jinx. That’s it.

I will say, she does show her own dark side when she risks shooting Isha to kill Jinx, but I know that had she had killed Isha, she would’ve felt so much grief once her adrenaline had calmed down.

I saw people talking about this and one of my favourite arguments that someone (I forget who) made was something along the lines of: “Caitlyn assembled a small team of enforcers who were close to her and she trusted to follow her instructions, and perused the underground in a private investigation to find Jinx, shut down Shimmer (and any other chems, we can presume) and to “neutralize any agents still loyal to Silco” (the chem barons who are vying for the power gap Silco left). Meanwhile Ambessa was planning on declaring full on martial law (most likely what we see in act 2 and 3 after Caitlyn’s swat team failed and Ambessa manipulated her) which would’ve been devastating for the undercity, especially all of the innocents.

Caitlyn just wanted justice, but Ambessa wanted to conquer.”

While Ekkos argument makes sense, from his perspective, I will always defend Caitlyn till the day I die 🗣️🗣️💆🏻‍♀️💆🏻‍♀️

Thinking about how ekko is probably going to hate vi and caitlyn to the point he may never forgive them when he finds out what they did when looking for jinx

Because

Yeah

She proved him right

And vi did exactly what he was afraid of and helped.

[tinyevilgremlin]

the most crushing part about jiaxu's backstory is how it emotionally broke him to the point that he too started believing he didn't deserve to be loved... it's not that he had never experienced spring (since he's shown to have a pretty normal life pre-accident, and a loving mother too), but the winter in his life lasted so long, and it was so cold, that he forgot what spring's warmth even felt like.