#been so long since I posted on my marvel blog

[k4is4rion]

In the Wake of Us - PROLOGUE

Parent!Bucky x Child!GN!Reader x Bob Reynolds

‼️⚠️TWs: Canon typical trauma+violence, brief allusions to SA, Brain washing, MCD (or so you think)⚠️‼️

HELLOOOOO MY NEW GAGGLE OF FOLLOWERS! YOU HAVE BEEN HEARD! Ask and you shall receive, I must give the people what they want. I’m still working out how I want this fic to go with how early or late in the timeline it starts, though I might mess around with the idea of flashbacks when they’re relevant. Bob’s not quite in this yet, but it felt necessary to provide a little somethin somethin beforehand. I hope I am up to Tumblr’s standards as a long time reader of fanfic, because I cranked this out over two days between prepping for finals and other activities (and wrote this entirely on my phone)

I am not very confident in this one because it is just providing basically a summary ofthe necessary information the best I can to set stuff up for the future, rest assure the normally paced story will be MUCH better 🙏

Feel free to comment suggestions or feedback (but please be nice to me I haven’t posted publicly since wattpad in 2019)

WC: 2540

MY LOVELY SUPPORTERS/TAG REQUESTS: @marcsb1tch @moonyseyelash @sarcazzzum-blog @iamtrasch @marvel-z0mbie @amaris444 @usuallyunlikelyfox @p4arll @tatsunesworld @amoebadue @marvelouslittleone @mynicknameisgasoline

The faint buzz of the lights was the only sound in the room as a moment of silence passed between the two who sat across from one another. The woman with the clipboard looked up at you overtop her glasses, which now sat on the lower bridge of her nose. She shifted her position slightly, still looking at you with the usual intensity— or rather the lack thereof. She had an unsettling air of neutrality about her that always seemed to irk you.

“Barnes, for the last time, if you do not participate fully and truthfully in this session, you will not be given release. I don’t want to delay you any further, but rules are rules. I have to make a final report.” She spoke, her pen sat between her index and middle fingers as she gripped the clipboard. You meet her eyes for the first time as you slouch back in your chair.

“It’s been.. what, five years and you’re still calling me that? Even though I’ve told you that calling me anything else is fine? Barnes doesn’t belong to me. You wound me, Doc.”

“It’s what you selected to be put on your official documents.” She adjusted her glasses before looking back up at you. “Consider it for old time’s sake, then. But still, Y/n, you’re avoiding the question. In your own words, describe a brief history of your life. Including everything you’ve begrudgingly discussed within our sessions. We’re doing this so we can send a transcript to your next specialist. Wouldn’t you prefer to give your side of the story instead of just your records?” Taking in her reasoning, you glance at the microphone recording this session. They were usually recorded for security purposes but this in particular was for just for documentation. With a deep breath, you reluctantly began explaining your very.. humble beginnings.

Your conception was begun roughly around the late 60s, although conceptualized much earlier with the apparent success of the winter soldier program. A series of roughly twenty children were to be conceived from hand-selected pairs of up-and-coming male and female super soldiers, all based on their first and only success; the original Winter Soldier. You were lucky enough to receive your genetic makeup from the blueprint; as well as a promising young woman. It was an unfortunate truth that your conception was not a happy story. Genetic engineering was rudimentary at the time and they did not care to what extent their “donors” suffered. Even with this reluctant knowledge, the intimidating man with the metal arm has cared deeply for you even in the circumstances you both found yourself in. He said you were a beautiful little test tube baby from what he remembers. Hydra quickly introduced you to one another in hopes of forming an early bond between soldiers, primarily in pairs with their best-suited parent. This was to not only establish partners that functioned perfectly together but to have something to hold over these people even when they previously had nothing. You called this guardian of yours “Soldat”, but much like you, he had no real name.

One by one, the adults failed the program or their children did. One by one there would be one less soldier. It was survival of the fittest, not only for being put against one another but for general survivability. Genetic modification was a large factor in many of the children’s deaths until few remained, then in your early childhood- only you. You were all that remained. In a desperate attempt to not have this all been for nothing, they put everything they could into you. Biomechanical enhancements to help your physical condition and functionality and a steady stream of serum to keep you healthy. For the first several years of your life, it was spent exclusively learning and training. Occasionally when the winter soldier was due for a mission, his break from cryostasis would be extended by higher-ups to train her. It was rough, of course, being a child training with such a violent force, but he cared whenever he could. For some reason, kneeling down before you to aid your wounds felt oddly familiar. Like he had done it routinely before to another little girl he cared deeply about. Hell, you even looked similar. But at the end of the day, his thoughts were irrelevant. His job was not to think, his job was to do as he was told. You learned this very quickly as it became clear that failure to understand this would result in something awful. You were a quick learner— you had to be if you were to continue surviving.

Once they decided you were adequate enough to be functional as a weapon, you began your cryogenic stints, only being woken up when it was time for another task. This wore heavily on your already fragile condition, even despite your inhuman strength. This also happens to cause another subsequent issue with you, your aging being incredibly messed up. Yes, you were conceived nearly 60 years ago, but you’ve only been conscious for a small part of that. In 2014 you were still practically a young teenager when the Winter Solider made his great escape. In his emotional distress, he made perhaps the most regretful decision of his life. He left you behind in the hands of the enemy, escaping without you. You only followed much later after being sent after him to end his life, but when you were met with the opportunity to, you simply couldn’t. You ran off, not back to Hydra, but going into hiding for the time being. You used what skills they taught you in case you needed to be self-sustainable until you could be recovered by backup, but it was hardly enough. It was incredibly challenging having to figure out how to get by on your own after being constantly monitored and treated by professionals. Not only that, but you were suffering from withdrawals due to Hydra forcing your dependency on the serum, as well as an injury from when you dug out your tracker from your bicep. You had a nasty infection by the time your “Soldat” found you, but he was joined by a strange new man who offered you help. His name was Steve Rodgers, that Captain America fellow you and the Winter Soldier were sent after a while ago. He was incredibly kind to you, even if you didn’t trust him. He was patient with not only you but him as well. The two seemed close- you hadn’t ever seen this side of him. This is also when you decided on your new name; Y/n Rebecca Barnes. Bucky chose your middle name, saying it was after someone special.

This is also when you learned a lot about the man you previously thought you knew. It turned out his name was James, James Buchanan Barnes. Even if his name was James, he seemed to prefer Bucky. He was also from New York City, where he grew up alongside Steve during the Great Depression. Over time you felt more and more distressed upon the realization that you didn’t know Bucky at all, let alone yourself. You realized early on that you were a reminder of a profound amount of trauma for a man who got mixed up with something he never deserved. You desperately tried making yourself better, especially for his sake, but there was only so much you could do. You still stuck to your habits, your purpose— to serve alongside the winter soldier.

You fought valiantly for your freedom, doing what you could to protect Bucky against these people who wished to get ahold of you both. Between half of the Avengers coming after you as well as the United States government, you were stretched pretty thin. Bucky swore that you both would get through this, that he would give you the life you deserved. He struggled to believe himself sometimes, but he knew he had to try. He would get better for you. He would atone for his sins by doing what he can for you. He had a life outside of Hydra before being captured, but you never got the chance. Without realizing it, you both became devoted to the safety of one another.

It would become apparent the world was against you both, as during a fight attempting to exit Siberia, you were wounded as you defended him from a harsh blow. Steve and Bucky were forced to decide between saving you or escaping, but you pleaded with them to follow through with the latter. They did, albeit begrudgingly, after Natasha promised Steve that she would look out for you until they could come back for you. Nat did this as best as she could and for as long as she could, but instead of going to the raft with the others, you were imprisoned in a top-secret base to be studied. You only got to experience freedom for a short time prior to this, so even if the conditions were considerably better than Hydra, it was still awful. You spent so long wondering if Bucky was alright, hoping your sacrifice wasn’t for nothing.

Nearly two years later, you were allowed visitation with Steve. It was a sweet reunion, almost immediately bringing your worry over Bucky to an end, but it ultimately was to discuss something very important. None other than your possible pardon. There was something brewing and all hands on deck were needed; including you. After all, you were a world-class assassin. Plus, Wakanda was developing a cure for Bucky whilst being a refugee there. It was nice to know he was somewhere safe even if he missed you as much as Steve said he did, based on what he’s heard from communicating with T’Challa and Shuri about his condition. With vague permission from the United States government, you headed out with Steve’s team to Wakanda. You and Bucky were going to be together again and fight together, just like it was for old time’s sake.

When you walked through the central part of Wakanda, your mind was elsewhere, not taking even a moment to admire your surroundings. You were only focused on getting back to him as you walked silently behind Steve. You weren’t used to being in foreign places without Bucky so you were completely on edge, even with Nat doing her best to make sure you didn’t freak out completely. Steve was the first one to greet Bucky as he was led by T’Chally. The two were happy to see one another again, Steve giving him a hug and exchanging fond remarks. Once they parted from the hug, Bucky saw you standing there. You had grown up slightly, a sight he wasn’t used to seeing. It made his heart ache as he took you into his arms as tightly as he could without harming you. It was hard not to allow the tears brimming your eyes to fall in front of your allies, but Bucky still held you close and buried his face into your hair as you instinctively nuzzled into his neck. Quiet exchanges of how much you missed one another were shared. As you both parted, he moved his hands to your shoulders. He looked at you with the most love you had ever seen before quietly remarking. “You’ve grown up. It’s good to see you, kid.” It was a very genuine sentiment he shared, as for the entirety of his time caring for you, your survival was not guaranteed. He never thought he’d be able to see the day when you look like you’ve gotten a chance to regroup yourself.

You spent what time you could together discussing what life had been like over the last two years for the both of you. He lived a peaceful life as a farmer, while you were under the care of the United States government. You both received very different treatments for your brainwashing, with his somewhat holistic treatment being more successful than your purely clinical and scientific one. Your brain was poked and prodded, while he received therapy. Bucky told you that once this was all over, the Wakandans said they could help you too. It gave you hope, more than you’ve had in a very long time. Soon after this conversation, it was time for what you came here for. Saving the world.

Loss was a thing you had become accustomed to a long time ago. But this felt incomparable. The fight was over, Thanos had won. He had successfully removed half of all life and with just the snap of his fingers, you watched the only person you’ve ever trusted turn to dust. He was gone and it felt like you had nothing left. With the chaos that followed this, you returned home with Steve. He did his best to console you but he was struggling with the loss of his best friend for the second time. Because of the aforementioned chaos of the situation, the government essentially went on lockdown while it attempted to regain control over the situation. This unfortunately meant your incarceration for the second time with no end in sight. You had no one left to fight for you. Steve certainly tried, as he knew that’s what Bucky would’ve wanted, but he could only do so much. He was spread thin after the blip and you fell through the cracks.

You would remain in prison for five years, with constant experimentation traded for frequent monitoring performed. It felt as though you were forgotten about and would never taste that sweet, sweet freedom again. You always thought you’d die alone and without any freedom, but after having it for such a brief moment in your life, it only seemed to twist the knife into the wound. You forced yourself to adjust and get used to it, just like you always had. You grew accustomed to the monotony of constant scheduling very quickly. It became a cycle of government-mandated therapy, frequent checkups, and doing what you could to use up the passage of time. You received permissions for good behavior that were enough to keep you somewhat sane for the most part. Steve visited you when he could, but one day he stopped coming. You learned why when you saw the news: the 50% that had been lost were returning.

Now here you were. About a month or two later, still in here. The only word you got was from the news on the television, making the theory you genuinely had been lost to time all the more real and fearful. That was until a week ago. You received mail for the first time in a long time— an official government document. Your case of a pardon was being reopened; alongside Bucky’s. That’s what brought you here. You were having your last mandatory session within your prison before you were being released, and boy were you thankful to get out of here.

“Well, aren’t we both glad I remembered to hit record? I believe we are just about out of time.” Doctor Miller spoke as she placed down her clipboard.

“What, no ‘same time next week’?”

“Not this time. Enjoy your long-awaited freedom, Y/n. It was good treating you.”

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Probably gonna work on some xmen headcanons so howdy to all my marvel girlies.

(Which might also lead me to writing for cotton from scream 2 because liev schreiber makes me go a little feral)

[biitchcakes]

Jessica and her Flerken, Rocket.

@danversiism (bc the besties are cute as always ✨)

( personals DNI . )

[theodore-sallis]

“The Gift of Death,” Man-Thing (Vol. 1/1974), #8.

Writer: Steve Gerber; Penciler and Inker: Mike Ploog; Colorist: Petra Goldberg; Letterer: Artie Simek

[berylofapples]

don’t look but i might start mcu-posting again…

[megalony]

Matters Of The Heart- Part 2

It's been too long since I posted the first part of this Evan Buckley imagine, but here is finally the second part.

I hope you will all like it, feedback always makes my day.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22 @mrsyixingunicorn10 @op-81-lvr-reblogs @talicat713 @niamhmbt @strawberry-canyon @bieberhoodforever @911fangirlie @hollandxxmix @jasmineee05 @creat1venat1onn @devilslittlehelper @darlingcharling-blog @bear8585

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: (Y/n) and Evan keep their relationship private, but they're happy. But when (Y/n) falls pregnant, she doesn't know what to do; she's suffered miscarriages before and worries this will end up the same way.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So… how'd it go? You never said." Hen slumped herself down on the sofa and folded her left arm over the back of the sofa. She propped her head up on her hand and curled her knees up on the seat while her eyes focused on the girl sitting in front of her.

(Y/n) couldn't lift her gaze from the steaming cup of coffee she was nursing like she was trying to bring it back to life. Her fingers grazed up and down the red speckled cup and she brought her knees closer to her chest before she finally looked up.

Part of (Y/n) hoped they wouldn't have to have this conversation. It was unnaturally easy to know just what subject Hen was talking about without needing any other details.

Hen had become more than a little nervous after finding (Y/n) with the pregnancy test last week. And she was growing more and more worried by the day when she didn't get a call or even a text to say how it had ended up.

"You can talk to me, you know."

She knew. (Y/n) knew she could open up to Hen with just about anything. She could of said she'd murdered someone and Hen would still try to understand and help her through it. That was how close they had gotten while working together and it was something (Y/n) loved about her friend. That she was always so willing to listen attentively and try to help in any way she could.

But (Y/n) didn't want any help right now, even if part of her wondered if she needed it.

A big part of her was saying to lie. False alarm. It was negative. Nothing to worry about. Her mind was screaming at her to tell any one of those lies and brush this under the rug. Push it away and hope that the conversation, and the event itself, would fade into a distant memory.

But telling a lie didn't make it a truth, no matter how hard (Y/n) wished for it to be so. She took a quick look around the loft, making sure no one else was within ear shot before she spoke.

"Positive." The word fell from her lips like a droplet of rain cascading down from the clouds. Quiet, soft, disappearing as soon as it was seen.

She watched Hen move her hand round from cradling the back of her head to run across her mouth and across her cheek. The way Hen pursed her lips and looked down showed she was trying to think. She was trying to come up with an answer, some sort of comforting phrase or some logic that might make this seem less frightening.

"Have you gone to the doctors yet? I'll go with you if you want." Hen knew it was frightening to go to the doctors for just about any reason. Let alone going to talk about a new pregnancy like this when (Y/n) was already so worried and certain that it would end badly.

If she didn't want to go alone- something Hen would not recommend at all- then Hen would gladly go along with her for moral support and help her talk through this and decide what she wanted to do.

"I'm not going, at least not yet." Maybe it was the stubbornness within her heart, but (Y/n) didn't want to.

She didn't want to see a doctor and have this dream confirmed, only to have it crushed in a few weeks. Her mind was made up on the fact that pregnancy was not something her body was capable of doing.

(Y/n) would rather wait a few weeks and see if she miscarried. If by some miracle she didn't, then she would go to the doctor and see if this was going to be possible and get herself checked out. She would rather live in denial than try and bask in this dream because all dreams broke eventually. Everyone had to wake up and this was going to be a harsh awakening when it eventually happened.

"You should get checked out, after last time you might develop complications, we should make sure you're okay at least."

Tears bubbled over in (Y/n)'s eyes but she did her best to push them aside and she took a large gulp of coffee. Relishing in the way it burned the back of her throat and ignited something in her chest and calmed down the panicked butterflies swarming to life.

She knew having an ectopic pregnancy before put her at risk of having other complications. She could have another ectopic pregnancy, although it was rare, it wasn't unheard of. But (Y/n) couldn't bring herself to care. She couldn't care because she couldn't let herself believe this was happening. Ignoring this was the only way (Y/n) knew how to cope.

This was something she wanted. This was something she would choose, to have a baby, and to see Evan with a baby made (Y/n)'s heart do a funny sort of leap in her chest like it was agreeing with her.

But if she told him now and then she lost the baby, she would have given Evan unnecessary heartbreak and all for nothing. And if (Y/n) let herself indulge in this fantasy and believe she was going to have a baby, how bad was it going to be when the bubble burst?

"Not yet."

"Then… then can you promise me you'll get an appointment in what, two or three weeks? You need to look after yourself and you know the rules; if you are, you can't be on full duties." Hen lowered her voice towards the end of her words and ducked her head closer to (Y/n)'s as if to make sure only she heard those words.

They had rules at the station for a reason and (Y/n) had to look after herself. She had to make sure she was okay to be at work and that she wasn't struggling or having any complications that could put her at risk.

And if she was pregnant, she had to be on restricted duties to keep her and the baby safe. That wasn't negotiable and Hen didn't want to get to the point where she had to go and talk to Bobby for (Y/n)'s safety or find out (Y/n) was trying to hide this pregnancy from everyone and carry on working. She would put herself at risk and if she got hurt or she collapsed, they would all feel responsible.

Not to mention the fact that (Y/n) wouldn't be liable for sick leave or any compensation and could in fact be reprimanded if she was hurt while pregnant on the job and hadn't disclosed the news at the earliest opportunity.

"Two weeks, I swear."

It didn't feel like enough time. (Y/n) could feel her throat closing up and her head started to swim at the thought of a timer she had now set off in the back of her head.

Two weeks. That was barely any time at all, but it was the limit because (Y/n) knew she had to be two or closer to three months along by now. And fourteen weeks was as far as she had ever gotten before she lost the baby. She had to get checked out before that marker to see if she was in danger and then she would need to be careful.

She would need to wait for the inevitable.

In two weeks, she would make herself an appointment with her doctor and ask Hen to tag along with her so she didn't have to do this on her own.

"Are you going to tell Eddie? I think you should, you need support-"

"It's not Eddie's."

She couldn't help the sharp tone to her voice or the way she cringed as she spoke. Somehow, (Y/n) felt like she was making a scene of herself by admitting that fact, simply because it implied she had been with someone else. It wasn't as if she had ever cheated on Eddie and they had never been in a labelled relationship. It had simply been a fling when they both needed someone, and it ended on good terms.

But (Y/n) didn't like admitting that she had gotten into another relationship and hadn't mentioned it to anyone on the team. That she hadn't mentioned it to Hen, her best friend. It made her feel sleezy, like she had a secret that was too sordid to tell.

(Y/n) put her cup down on the coffee table and let her feet slide down to the floor. "I told you, we're just friends. Besides, that was almost two years ago."

She could see it. She could see in Hen's eyes that she wanted to ask. She wanted to be curious and ask if (Y/n) had met someone special or if she was finally happy with someone. Because for the last few months, she had started to notice a change in (Y/n). She was happier, more confident in herself and her work and she was starting to come out of her shell and go out after work.

There was someone that made (Y/n) happy and that was all that Hen had ever wanted for her.

But before Hen could ask, a familiar alarm blared out above them and both girls groaned and dropped their heads forward.

A new call.

Here we go again.

***

"He's coding, starting compressions." A deep grunt left Evan's lips as he pushed up from his seat in the ambulance until he was bent over the gurney.

His hands interlocked and pressed down against the victim's chest as he began CPR compressions. He tensed his back and pushed his knees into the frame of the gurney to keep steady when the ambulance swerved to the left.

His eyes glanced up to the right to check Chimney had the air bag placed over the victim's nose and mouth to give him oxygen while Evan kept pressing down. CPR never settled well with Evan after he had tried to save someone once and fractured two of her ribs. He could still hear the spine-tingling crunch and the way he felt the bone cave beneath his hands and he hadn't even applied that much pressure.

But he could see that Chimney had his hands full trying to stem the bleeding in the man's neck and give him a saline drip. There was no use Chimney moving round when Evan was sat right at the man's side and available to do the compressions.

This wasn't the direction Evan imagined today's shift going. The daily reports got heavier when they had to give CPR and if the man didn't survive that would mean triple the paperwork. This was the part of the job that always made Evan nervous. He could climb cranes and run into burning buildings and clip to a harness and go down into craters. But having to try and keep someone's heart beating and giving them each breath they needed, that didn't settle right with him. It was too panicking.

Why had he been the one to climb in the back of the ambulance? This should have been Eddie or even (Y/n), both of them were trained medics. Evan wasn't a medic. But they had been giving statements to the police on scene, Hen was driving the ambulance and that meant Evan had to be the one to move the gurney along with Chimney and look after their victim.

It was a relief when the ambulance screeched to a stop and Evan knew he could soon hand this patient over to the professionals. This wasn't part of the job he wanted to be doing, he would rather let the doctors take over.

"Still no pulse," Chimney locked eyes with Evan who paused his compressions to check for a pulse.

With a deep breath, he began pressing down again as Hen opened the back door. They had to keep going, he had only just lost his pulse, they could keep his heart going until the doctors got it working properly or pronounced him dead.

"We need to move him." Evan locked eyes with Hen and dipped his head towards the end of the gurney so she got his point.

He would continue compressions if they would move the gurney and get them into the hospital.

Evan glanced down, never pausing his movements as he stood onto the metal beams beneath the gurney that he prayed would take his weight. The grooves of his boots slotted over the metal and locked him in place while his knees bent and locked in place and he hunched forward to keep his sense of balance.

There was no way Evan could successfully continue compressions if he had to walk and rush beside the stretcher. He needed to be stood in place and the only way to do that was to climb onto the gurney too.

He continued compressions while Chimney and Hen carefully clicked off the brakes and slid the gurney down from the ambulance onto the floor.

Evan couldn't look up from his task, he was far too focused and intent on keeping a steady compression rhythm, but his arms were beginning to grow tired and his back was aching. They were supposed to switch every two minutes because continuous compressions was a hard thing to keep up.

Although he didn't look up, Evan could hear the sound of the fire truck's sirens before they were switched off and the rumbling engine quietened down. Bobby, (Y/n) and Eddie had turned up on scene.

A quiet "Oh Jesus," muttered beneath Eddie's breath and his hands clamped down on his hips when they climbed down from the truck and looked over towards the rest of the team. They were performing CPR. Thing weren't looking good for their victim.

The sight of Evan hunched over the gurney, fingers interlaced, shoulders squared up and back doubled over made (Y/n)'s blood curdle. Evan looked so engrossed in his task, so determined and desperate and she could see his lips were curled into a rabid look that was making his nose crinkle.

He never took it well when they lost people on the job.

(Y/n) bound her arms around her middle as she followed after the gurney, her eyes locked on Evan. She followed along behind Chimney who was pushing the gurney while Hen was at the other end, pulling and steering them in the right direction.

She could feel Eddie and Bobby hovering close behind, the sound of their footsteps bashing on the pavement echoed in (Y/n)'s head that felt like a drum being violently whacked until it was about to split like a coconut.

It took all her effort to stop herself from breaking out into trembles. They had been working all day without a proper break and (Y/n) hadn't managed to stomach any lunch. She knew that once they got back to the station she would have to try and have a protein drink and take a minute to rest and build herself back up before they went on another call.

"Come on, let's go."

The guttural sound of Evan's voice made (Y/n) shudder and she picked up her pace even though she knew he wasn't talking to her, he was telling Chimney and Hen to hurry with the gurney.

Reaching one hand out, Chimney pressed his palm down on Evan's back to try and steady him as they steered through into the paramedic entrance to the emergency room. He knew Evan wasn't about to fall off but the twisting corners was making it harder for him to keep his balance and perform the resuscitation compressions.

As soon as a free nurse saw them, she waved them along and the stretcher was moving again, setting Evan's body back to being tense and stiff as a board to stay composed.

"He coded on the way, no pulse for one minute, punctured artery in the neck."

"Someone needs to take over from me now." Evan continued his compressions but his own chest was heaving and his arms were aching. Not to mention keeping his balance was causing his knees to bruise against the gurney and his thighs were locking up from how tense he had become.

He was grateful when a nurse hurried over to the opposite side of the gurney and on the count of three, Evan pulled back to let her start the compressions instead.

His legs felt like they had turned to liquid and from his ankles up to his thighs he was trembling with pins and needles and excess adrenaline.

His hand tangled in the short curls at the back of his head and he took a few steps away from the stretcher that was already being guided away. While Chimney gave the full spiel to one of the nurses so they had all the information they needed.

"Alright guys, I think that's our part over."

Bobby's voice seemed to go in one ear and out the other for (Y/n). She heard him, but she couldn't register what he was saying. Each word sounded foreign and she could make no sense of them. All she could fathom was how horrid her heartbeat sounded pulsing through her ears and how it was making her chest feel uncomfortable to notice and feel each beat rock through her chest.

Her nose crinkled and her eyes scanned around the corridor they were blocking. Maybe she needed to go back outside and get some fresh air and sit down.

She didn't get chance to try and walk outside. (Y/n)'s legs didn't feel like they were under her control anymore.

When her head lolled forward, her body followed its sense of direction and before she could reach out or stop herself, her body crumpled to the floor like a puppet without its strings. Her chin tucked down into her chest and white static filled her ears when her head collided with the polished laminate floor.

Her arms flopped around her waist and (Y/n) barely had the energy she needed to scrape her arms along the floor and bind them around her middle. She wanted to curl her knees and bring them up to her stomach, but it was too much effort that she didn't have.

"Shit!"

"(Y/n)? Hey, hey what's going on?"

Evan's nails scratched into the back of his scalp so suddenly that he hissed in pain as he spun on his heels to look behind him. His wide eyes narrowed slightly when he looked at his girlfriend and he could feel his chest stutter and pause as he tried to take in what was happening and why she was suddenly flat out on the floor.

Evan tried. He tried to bottle down the panic and overwhelming sense of urgency that was making him desperate to rush over there and push his colleagues out the way. No one knew about their relationship yet and Evan didn't think this would be the right time to break that news.

They were only keeping things quiet so it didn't cause any speculation or drama at work. And for Eddie's sake. Evan knew Eddie wouldn't be resentful, but it might make things awkward if he learned that his best friend was now in a relationship with someone Eddie used to have a fling with. They didn't want work to become awkward or for their friendships to be strained in any way.

Shallow breaths stuttered past Evan's lips as he skidded against the floor and hurried after Chimney to crowd around (Y/n). Both of them leaned in close but it took all of Evan's willpower not to crouch down and take over. He wasn't a medic and he didn't want them to know how close he really was to (Y/n).

He swallowed harshly when he watched Eddie and Hen crouch down beside (Y/n).

Eddie whipped the pen light from his top pocket and carefully held (Y/n)'s temple, tilting her head back so he could flash the light across her pupils that were constricting and barely able to see a thing.

"She's burning up." Eddie flipped his hand over so the back of his hand was pressed against (Y/n)'s forehead, but he could feel the sweat that was sticking his hand to her skin. She was burning a fever and she looked flushed. Why hadn't she said something? Why hadn't any of them noticed this earlier?

Panic bridled through Hen but she did her best to calm herself down while she pointed one hand behind her. "Chim, medic bag."

Once the bag was in her hand, Hen rummaged through and found a blood pressure cuff which she slid up (Y/n)'s arm while Eddie focused on trying to get (Y/n) to form a coherent word and focus. And Bobby's footsteps could be heard retreating down the hall to find a nurse. (Y/n) would needed to be examined and checked out before they even thought about taking her back to the station.

Even if this was just a funny turn or a sickness bug, she would have to be seen by a doctor and then signed off for the rest of her shift.

"(Y/n), are you still with me? Does anything hurt?" Eddie clipped an oxygen monitor onto her index finger and watched to see what reading he got for her pulse. But his eyes continuously flitted up to (Y/n)'s face, waiting to see if she would or if she even could answer him.

Her eyes were rolling around and trying their best to focus on him but she was half unconscious.

A groan left her lips and her body jerked before she pressed her cheek and temple into the ground. But when her lips parted, her throat tightened and she spewed up a puddle of water. Not surprising since she hadn't managed to eat any lunch today.

"Okay, I think she's gonna be dehydrated." Eddie tried his best to be careful when he nudged (Y/n) back towards the wall so she wasn't near the water she'd just thrown up.

He edged closer to her, relieved when her eyes finally opened and she seemed a bit more coherent and like she was able to see him this time rather than stare right through him as if he were invisible.

"BP's starting to crash. She's either run down or caught an infection, she needs to be admitted." Hen rolled up the blood pressure cuff and folded it back into the medic bag and her hands braced on her thighs as she resisted the urge to sigh.

It wasn't her place to tell anyone on the team that (Y/n) was pregnant and that this could be due to morning sickness. And she certainly didn't want to think about this meaning (Y/n) might just be losing the baby. Hen knew (Y/n) was dead set on the fact that she believed this wasn't going to work out. She didn't think she could have a baby and she seemed to be waiting for the day that it went downhill and this dream faded into a nightmare.

Hen wanted to believe that this was simply (Y/n) being rundown or suffering with a bit of sickness rather than thinking. But in the end it didn't matter what Hen chose to believe or even what (Y/n) was thinking right now. All that mattered was getting a doctor to check her over and find out what was happening.

"Alright guys let's get her on the stretcher and someone will take a look at her." Bobby patted Hen's shoulder and indicated to the stretcher behind him where a nurse was standing by.

There were assessment cubicles free, the nurse would take (Y/n) into one of them and check her over. They couldn't stay here in case other ambulances came back and needed to come through. They were blocking the corridor.

Evan took that as his moment to weave in between Hen and Eddie so he could try and make himself useful. He didn't like standing back and watching, especially when it was (Y/n) who needed help. And Hen seemed to understand because she shuffled back and got to her feet to help guide the stretcher over, letting Evan take her place.

He tried to catch (Y/n)'s eye once Eddie eased her into a sitting position, but she wouldn't look at him. She wouldn't look at any of them, her eyes were trained on her trembling hands that were laid limp against her thighs.

He slid his hands beneath (Y/n)'s thighs, trying not to grip her too tightly while Eddie hooked his hands beneath her arms and on the count of three, they lifted her between them. They eased her onto the stretcher and Evan didn't like the way (Y/n)'s head lolled to the right like she was about to slide back onto the floor.

Evan quickly reached his hand up to hold (Y/n)'s shoulder, gently pushing her back against the stretcher to keep her in place.

The nurse and Eddie began steering the stretcher down the corridor towards the assessment cubicles with the team following along like an entourage. When Evan heard Chimney mutter to Bobby "Do we stay with her?" he turned in their direction and stood outside the cubicle that (Y/n) got wheeled into.

"I can stay." Evan knew it wasn't strictly protocol for everyone to stay, no matter how close they all were and how they all wanted to make sure (Y/n) was alright. The rest of the team would need to go back to the station to finish shift and handover to the next crew. And they were already a person down with (Y/n) now being here.

"Are you sure Buck?"

"My shift is technically finished anyway, I'll stay with her and when I know what's happening I'll call you."

He would be finishing in twenty minutes or so, there was no point everyone staying or someone else staying and Evan going back to the station for a mere twenty minutes. He may as well wait along with (Y/n). Plus, he was her partner. There was no way Evan could go back on shift and just wait around for news. He would finish and come straight back here anyway.

He didn't quite like the look of contemplation on Eddie's face as he stood in the doorway, hands on hips and one knee jutting forward. He looked like he wanted to interrupt, to debate and say that he wanted to stay instead. But when Bobby nodded and patted Evan's shoulder, Eddie seemed to relent.

He couldn't really argue when the rest of them needed to be back on shift and they all couldn't stay here.

A look of contemplation flooded Hen's eyes as she leaned over the bed (Y/n) had been transferred onto. She knew she would have to go now with the rest of the team, but she wanted to double check (Y/n) was okay with that. If she wanted Hen to stay or talk to the doctors for her, then she would.

Her hand slid down to hold (Y/n)'s. "Do you need me to call anyone for you? If you want me to stay-"

(Y/n) shook her head. It was hard to do when the movement made her eyes roll and sent her stomach churning from the unbalance it caused, but she continued to shake her head. She didn't want Hen to try and call anyone for her. The only person she needed was Evan and he was currently stood in the doorway with that determined look that said he wasn't going anywhere.

She just needed Hen to keep quiet for a little bit longer, to not mention the pregnancy to anyone. Especially not Eddie or Evan. Who knew, after today (Y/n) might not have to think about it again.

(Y/n) could barely keep her eyes in focus with the tears that were beginning to roll down her face.

She tried to focus as Hen squeezed her hand before she left the room, trading places with Evan.

Both her arms bound around her middle once again to try and settle her system. She felt a great urge to be sick, but (Y/n) knew there was nothing left in her system. The few drinks of juice she had tried to have earlier had been spewed in the corridor. She was probably running on last reserves and had over-exerted herself today.

Or maybe this was it. Maybe this was the end of the dream. Perhaps this was when she lost another pregnancy and reality finally came crashing back down on her like a tidal wave from the ocean. It didn't matter that (Y/n) had been telling herself this was going to happen, it still made her heart break all the same.

Her knees tried to coil up towards her middle but (Y/n) didn't have the energy to keep them tensed up and her heels scraped against the bed as her legs slid back down again.

She tried to tilt her head down when Evan walked into the room and when he sat down on the edge of the bed, (Y/n) didn't dare look up.

Her pulse was throbbing in her ears and her fever felt like it was raging the same heat as a volcano, especially when Evan's hand took one of hers and their fingers interlaced together. His fingers danced across the back of her hand and squeezed every few seconds and (Y/n) could feel his hip nudging her thigh, trying to gain her attention.

When she continued to stare down at their hands rather than look up at him, Evan gently leaned forward and pressed his free hand beneath her chin. His thumb traced along her lower lip and he aimed her head up so she was looking at him. But he still found it hard to catch her eye and get her to focus on him rather than try to look at anything else in the room.

Why was she avoiding him?

"The nurse won't be long… you didn't really eat lunch today, did you? You've probably been doing too much." The concern laced into Evan's voice made (Y/n) shiver and she couldn't keep eye contact with him any longer.

Her chin tilted down, nudging into his touch but a dozen more tears drenched her face. And when her lower lip began to wobble and quiet cries left her lips, Evan tensed up. He hadn't meant to make her cry. He wasn't trying to have a go at her or be rude, he was only trying to calm her down and make her feel better.

He had noticed her barely touch her lunch- not that they'd had a lot of time to sit down and eat with the constant calls they had been going out on today. But he noticed, and he knew she wasn't drinking as much as the rest of them either. Evan suspected she had just been working too hard, pushing herself too much without a break and this was the end result.

"Sweetheart, it's okay-"

"N-no it's not." (Y/n) hiccupped through her words and tilted her head down again so she wouldn't have to look at him and his sorrowful expression.

"What do you mean?"

Was she sick? Well, of course she was sick, but was there something more to it than that? Did (Y/n) have a condition or something seriously wrong with her that she hadn't told Evan or the rest of the team?

Evan didn't like the sound of that. A sceptical look flooded his face as his hand tightened around hers and he brought her hand to rest on his lap while his head inclined to one side once their eyes finally locked again. He didn't like the panic he could see building up in (Y/n)'s eyes. He didn't like the way her lower lip was wobbling and she was starting to sob and shake at the same time.

"Baby…" (Y/n) could barely keep her eyes open when her head started to spin and Evan started to blur before her eyes. Her hand squeezed his before she pulled their entwined hands from his thigh to move his hand against her stomach instead. "Baby."

She repeated the word again and pressed Evan's hand into her stomach until he got the hint. She didn't want to have to say the words out loud. She didn't want to tell Evan at all.

But he wasn't going anywhere and as much as (Y/n) would of preferred to have Hen witness this rather than break Evan's soul with this dilemma, he was here. (Y/n) needed him to stay here with her and she needed him to know because she would have to tell the nurse when she came in.

(Y/n) would have to tell the doctor so they knew to check if this was a miscarriage like (Y/n) suspected. And she couldn't hide this from Evan for long. She should have told him already; she knew that.

Evan let (Y/n) press his hand down on her stomach for a bit longer. He couldn't find the will to move, let alone the power to speak. He didn't know what to do with himself or now to comprehend what she was clearly trying to tell him.

"You're pregnant?"

A look of panic flooded Evan's face when (Y/n) nodded just as the door opened and a nurse walked in.

His blue eyes seemed to ignite and (Y/n) was sure that at any moment he was going to start crying too. Shivers coursed through Evan's body and his free hand moved to drag through his hair, catching the curls between his fingers and pulling until it felt like he was going to tear them from his scalp.

"Ooh (Y/n)!" Her name hissed past Evan's lips as he snapped his eyes closed and dragged his hand from his hair to run down his face.

Why didn't she tell him sooner? Why didn't she tell him when she found out? How long had she known and left Evan in the dark? He could see clearly that she was only telling him now because she didn't know whether her sudden collapse was because she was sick, or because it had something to do with the baby.

(Y/n) shivered when she felt Evan's hand tighten around hers and his nails pierced into the back of her hand as he turned to look at the nurse who was now standing beside the bed.

He could hear her mumbling 'high blood pressure' and 'fever' and 'collapsed' under her breath as she looked through the notes she had been given. The notes which had been written down in haste before the rest of the team had left to head back to the station.

"She's pregnant."

He watched the nurse's eyes widen before she added that to the chart. "I'll need to take some blood samples and send them to pathology."

Evan nodded despite the way (Y/n) turned her head away from the nurse and nuzzled her face into the pillow as she whimpered. She didn't do well with needles and having her bloods done when she felt like this would only make her feel faint. But she knew she didn't have a choice.

She was half expecting Evan to let go of her hand and walk away from her. She thought he might stand in the corner of the room and refuse to talk to her while he tried to wrap his head around this news. He had every right to be upset with her. (Y/n) didn't want to know how he would of reacted if he knew that deep down, she wasn't going to tell him at all if this hadn't of happened.

Her mind started to wander and when she closed her eyes, (Y/n) found that she didn't hold the energy to try and open them again. Maybe going to sleep might make her feel better. Maybe this would all be a bad, distant dream by the time she woke up. If only.

But she managed to hear what Evan whispered in that broken voice that made (Y/n)'s already aching heart pulse and throb.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

[daydreamgoddess14]

The Reading Rooms

Inspired by some other gorgeous individuals, I thought I'd try and compile some of my weekly reading into some kind of list. Since throwing myself into the Marvel fandom and actually writing for these characters rather than just reading, I've followed - and been followed by (cue fangirl shriek) - some epic blogs, and I want to be able to throw as many new readers and followers their way as I can.

Always remember to heed the warnings posted by the individual authors. What I'm happy to read may not be what you're happy to read, so I take no responsibility if you find something you're not into.

And finally, Tumblr is a community. Reblog, gush like you've never gushed before - I promise you, the authors below will love it, and love you for it! We write because we love to, but we share our work because we love the community of it. If you read something you like, let the world know! 💕

The List

Lessons in Love-Making by @artficlly. I've only read the first chapter so far, but this already has me totally hooked! Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Not a Fairy Tale Kiss (no names for this exist) by @azriona . This is the very definition of EPIC. A staggering word count, an absolute feat of storytelling. I've barely scratched the surface of this so far, but I'm loving every second. Posted on AO3, so head over there for your fix! Bucky Barnes x Reader.

@mrs-elsie-barnes , the writer that you are! I have a whole heap of recommendations here. First up, Policy & Procedure - if you like your Bucky Congressman shaped, this Bucky Barnes x Reader fic has your name on it. Then we have the little (slightly spoilery) Thunderbolts* drabble - Home Time - Bucky Barnes x Reader. Finally, we have the super hot - I've got to let you know (I need you tonight) featuring Joaquin Torres x Reader.

The 2k Drabble Challenge by @marvelstoriesepic is bananas. The dedication, the range, the heartbreak, and longing... ugh, these are all incredible, but my personal highlights are Misfire, Where We Were When The Stars Came Out, What the Mirror Doesn't Say & Tattoo Me In Flowers. Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Put Your Hands In Mine by @buck-star is so moving and vitally important. I loved it so much. Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Oil & Water by @flowersforbucky was so insanely hot it had me squealing. It is literally perfect if you would like to sit on that man's face. Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Charm and Claim by @ramp-it-up were both so excellent and super hot! Bucky Barnes x Reader.

@aquaticmercy is a genius and the writing is impeccable and when I tell you I RUN to every post... I've so much to catch up on, but Interstate Love Song was gorgeous. Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Let Me Hurt a Little Longer by @daxisyzz was so good! I loved the slightly manipulative POV, who wouldn't want Bucky's hands on them?! Bucky Barnes x Reader.

The Dog Tags series by @marvelwitchergilmore is brilliant! Part 1 is linked, be sure to check out the rest, and what a masterlist to get stuck into - especially for my Slow Horses babes because there's some River Cartwright in there, too! (cc. @cillmequick @dreamer-98 @annaelizabethhenry1 @liquid-confidenc3 💕)

Then we have @navybrat817 , who is pure genius and her post Thunderbolts* fic Not Exactly A Secret. Navy's setting up a Tower Shenanigans list, so expect more from the Thunderbolts*. As well as this, I read the excellent Late Night and Late Night Recap. Bucky Barnes x Reader.

I came across @jobean12-blog 's This Is Love this week, an oldie but a very goodie! Bucky Barnes x Reader.

If you haven't read Security Clearance by @societyfolklore yet, why?! This was soooo hot! Bucky Barnes x Reader.

And lastly, I'm sharing this little New Dad Bucky Headcannon by @sunday-bug , and lemme tell ya, it will not be the last thing I share of Sunny's! I can't wait to get stuck into her Masterlist because it's going to take over my life in the best possible way!

This covers everything I've read this week 🙌

God, I hope the links all work cos that took forever 🤣. Apologies for sharing via my own slightly unhinged reblogs. Next time, I'll try and make sure I share original links where possible!

💕

pressing post and hoping all the tags work 🫡

[papercranesandinkstains]

papercraneandinkstains SMAU Fic Rec List:

Otherwise known as my personal section to write love notes to all of my favorite authors..... Will be updating frequently because I am chronically online and I use the word OBSESSED a lot. Be warned...

REMINDER: You are responsible for your own media consumption! If you don't like an aspect of a fic, feel free to move on QUIETLY! Sending hate to authors who make FREE content is insane and you will be treated as such!!

SMAUS:

Heartbreak:Live/Offline- @zyafics (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Have you ever read something and you were so obsessed it was all you could think about? That is this SMAU for me. I have made a few SMAU’s in the past for Marvel, but never posted them because I was too anxious, but when I read THIS fic????? I genuinely have read it probably 20 times, I am so obsessed. It gave me the push to make my own SMAU’s for OBX, but to also post them! This girl makes such incredible work and graphics that I genuinely am so in awe of her! She is literally the sweetest, and if you haven’t read this, I genuinely can NOT recommend it enough. I spend hours talking about it with my sister because I am SO obsessed with it. I could write an entire book of love letters to this writer because she genuinely has put her heart in this fic and it really does show! It’s literally perfection! In my mind we are genuinely best friend's, I am so obsessed with quite literally anything she does!!

Kildare Split- @ghostofwriting (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

This???????? You're going to see a few Band/Musician AUs in this list and this was the start of my obsession! The relationships? The music? The longing??????? Don't even get me started. this fic is literally a MASTERPIECE and should be treated as such!

Lay all your love on me- @kimoralov3 (JJ Maybank x Heyward!Reader)

This fic is sooooo special to me because I love love love the relationship between Reader and Pope as their brother. Anytime I see the Heyward!Reader tag, it’s an immediate click for me, but this fic is absolutely everything!! I’m talking poor JJ is down in the trenches for this girl to the point he’s cleaning fridges….

Salt &&. Secrets- @sematarygirls (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

This fic is another one of my favorites! Reader is venting on an online blog about Rafe and he is going OUT of his mind trying to figure out who it is! Kelce and Topper are such instigators in this that I find myself laughing every time I see a new part! There are some really cute and different graphics that this writer does a really good job of creating!

Rhythm & Revelry- @darlingchronicles (Reader X JJ Maybank)

Okay, this fic???? Every time I see an update I am giggling and kicking my feet. JJ is fighting for his life against the allegations that he has a crush on Reader/Blue, but the man has been down bad since they were kids and EVERYONE knows. This is a fake dating trope and it is so cute! I am so down bad for this fic! 

Summer Lovin’- @murdockcastleslut (Jackson Genrette x Pogue!Reader)

A Kook obsessed with a Pogue is a guilty pleasure of mine and this fic is EVERYTHING. The interactions between JJ and Pope are my absolute favorite, but he is SO desperate for any kind of attention from Reader that you can’t help but fall in love! I love love love this story so much, I will drop everything the second I see an update!

Off Limits- @whorelaud (BFB!Rafe x Reader)

This one is a mix of SMAU and written fanfic and it has me on my knees. The interactions between Rafe and Reader, but also Reader and everyone else have me rolling on the floor every chapter! This is such a cute story and the dynamic between Reader and her brother really takes it over the top!

Off Topic- @murdockcastleslut (Rafe x Reader)

Okay, so you are definitely going to see this author quite a few times and I’m not even sorry about it! She is literally so sweet and she creates such amazing work that there’s no way I’m ever going to shut up about her! Rafe is so down bad all I can do is giggle and kick my feet at every interaction! Sarah in this fic has me obsessed!! 

Meddle About- @murdockcastleslut (JJ x Reader/ Rafe x Reader)

A band AU that has me in a chokehold already and it has just begun! I genuinely am obsessed with this story already and it only has a few chapters! Then again, I think this writer could post blank posts and I would still eat it up because she is just that good! 

Bed Chem- @lolxdswag123 (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Okay this story is so amazing, I don’t even know where to start! It’s a story of Reader falling in love with Rafe while also wanting to return to college after the summer is over. She and JJ have a complicated history, which has its own twists and turns. This fic is literally so amazing!!

Riding the Edge- @ghostofwriting (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Motorcycle content creator Rafe and Bookstagram poster Reader are literally everything to me! The graphics on this story are so cute, but the story itself just blows me out of the water! They fall so in love so fast, and then Rafe Cameron does indeed fumble the bag… BUT there’s hope guys! I love this story so much!!

Ocean Blue Eyes- @softspiderling (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Okay but musician Reader is always everything to me and this fic????? I literally am so obsessed with it! The fan theories? The literal threads the audience ties together time and time again?? Literally obsessed!

Summer Sun Forever- @l6ndry (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Band AU’s have my heart in case you can’t tell…. But a celebrity falling for their biggest fan??? The delusional girl in me will EAT it up every time! This story is literally so cute! Reader and their friends are such cuties, but Rafe and his band mates? I have to laugh every time they have a conversation… This is SUCH a great read!

Poor Un-American Girls- @greyswaren (Rafe Cameron x foreignexchangestudent!Reader) 

This is such a cute and original idea that I have been eating up like crazy! Reader’s friendships with their friends back home?? Their new friendships with the OBX community?? Rafe being a down bad fella (as he should be).... I am obsessed with this!

Gossip Girl- @maybejj (JJ Maybank x pogue!reader)

Don't even get me started on this..... Literally so full of fun and drama and ANGST.... Literally prepare to have your heart ripped out and stomped on and be ready to want to rip out someone else's (I'm looking at you Adam and I'm coming for you buddy....) It literally feels like a movie every time I see a new part!!

Criminal Love- @maybejj (Rafe Cameron x college!reader)

You want a COCKY SMUG Rafe Cameron who just so happens to be a killer in every universe????? Look no further! I am literally so obsessed with this series it's not even funny! The banter, the little comments online, the HANDWRITING FONTS.... I fear I too would fall for a criminal.... This author is literally fantastic! She could put out a post of watching paint dry and it would be ART!

Fractured Ties- @maybejj (JJ Maybank x Reader)

IF YOU KNEW ME IN REAL LIFE, YOU WOULD KNOW I NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FIC... These are literally my babies fr... A One Tree Hill inspired fic that has Rafe and JJ as BROTHERS, there is nothing that could be more perfect for me. Add in Rafe's sweet ass relationship with Reader and GOODBYE... I'm a puddle every single update. You would NEVER be disappointed in reading this!

Too Hot to Handle- @maybejj (JJ x Reader) (Rafe x Reader)

Are we shocked that this is just turning into a love section for this author????? Absolutely not, I love her bad 😭 This is inspired by the reality show Too Hot to Handle (I'm sure you got that from the title, but just in case) and the graphics are JAW dropping... Need I say more???

Set Me Free- @maybejj (JJ Maybank x Reader)

Surprise, surprise it's me again obsessing over another maybejj fic... Don't mind me at all... This one makes me so unbelievably pissed off at Ward Cameron, you have no idea... THAT MAN CAN PERISH... This reader is Sarah's twin and I eat it up every single time! RECOMMEND!

Twin Flames- @maybejj (Babydaddy!Rafe x Pogue!Reader)

I knew it was coming... you knew it was coming... ANOTHER ONE, but LISTEN this one keeps me up at night... Something about toxic!baby daddy Rafe has me in a chokehold and I'm okay with it! She literally eats with everything she does, but this one will have you GAGGED at how talented she is!

You want me to pretend?- @inthelibrarybtw (BasketballPlayer!Rafe x College!Reader)

DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THIS... I will actually never shut up! I'm sure you can tell by now that I EAT up a college romance, but there's something about athlete Rafe that really locks me in... THESE GRAPHICS are so stunning, I truly CAN'T take it... The song choices... The writing??? It's phenomenal!

Kildare Nights- @robinsgrl (Undecided x Reader)

Want to literally roll on the floor laughing for hours on end? Look no further! This author has got to be one of the funniest people on the planet, and this series will literally SUCK you in so fast... I'm literally obsessed with it!

Happy Endings U- @whytheylosttheirminds (BaseballPlayer!Rafe x College! Reader) (BaseballPlayer!JJ x College!Reader)

I mean... are we shocked???? We shouldn't be shocked... THIS IS LITERALLY SO STUNNING YOU GUYS DON'T GET IT... Poor Reader was in a SHITTY relationship, and she is finally branching out! Don't get me started on the security app.. I'm so serious, don't... it keeps me up at night how good it is...

kildarewatch.com- @zyafics (ExBSF!Kook!Rafe x Kook!Reader) (ExBSF!Kook!JJ x Kook!Reader)

And just in case you REALLY weren't shocked, I've come with ANOTHER banger by the literal love of my life who physically can NOT make a bad piece of media... This story is so captivating, but the graphics????? I will literally drown in a puddle of my own drool anytime she updates, I'm not even joking! Literally everything she puts out is SO perfect, I don't know how I even exist in the same timeline as she does....

[crowsofdarkness]

Bucky can’t sleep next to you anymore after the snap. But it’s okay. You’ll be okay.

CW’s below the cut(angst, swearing, mentions of cheating)

a/n: this was a request that was originally posted on my old blog.

The quiet, emptiness of the room had brought sadness throughout my bones as I turned over in bed, patting the space next to me. The sheets were cold, untouched. A broken sigh fell from my lips, knowing that he wasn’t coming to bed tonight; once again.

I weighed the options on my shoulders, debating if it would even be worth trying to fight with him.

I could stay in bed, like I had been every night this past week, and let him lay in his makeshift bed on the hard floor. It wasn’t comfortable but with the fights we had been having, I knew he would choose that over our bed.

Or.

I could walk into the living room, figure out what’s wrong with him and us, hoping it would bring him back to bed with me.

Finally deciding on the latter, I tossed the heavy comforter off my bare legs and trekked the short walk into the living room. He was laying on the floor, blankets and pillows scattered around him. My heart sank, knowing that there was a large sectional couch behind him, however he always chose to lay on the ground.

Ever since he came back from the snap, he wasn’t the same; our relationship wasn’t the same.

“Hey, Buck?” My voice was hushed, afraid he was asleep.

He looked over his shoulder, away from his book, and gave me a small smile. “Did I wake you?”

Immediately I shook my head. “No, well kind of. You know I hate waking up to an empty bed.”

His vibranium arm rested gently on his knee and his bare chest raised with a deep breath. I marveled at the way his skin glistened under the moonlight from the window.

“I’m sorry, doll. I can’t sleep on the bed. It’s too soft.”

I nodded, trying to mask the sadness I felt. Bucky slept in our bed for the first few months that we were back together but as our relationship strained, he started sleeping in the living room. He hadn't been able to recover from his past. Wakanda had been his only peace, our only peace, but when he was snapped away he lost on that time to find himself.

Post Winter Soldier.

We had been together for so long; since the 1940’s. I had been on the ship with Steve when it went into the ice, waking up together 70 years later.

Oh, Steve.

Bucky and I both had taken it extremely hard when Steve decided to go back in time, stay with Peggy Carter. We felt deserted, not good enough for Steve, after everything we had been through together.

He would say that he’s fine but I knew that Bucky was hurting inside, knowing that he lost his best friend.

But I was still here.

“What if we just lay in bed together, watch a movie?” I suggested.

Bucky hesitated. “I don’t know, Y/N. I don’t want to keep you up.”

Nightmares; he was still having them and no matter what I did to help, they still had a vice grip on him.

Another reason on the list as to why he refused to sleep in the same bed with me.

With an annoyed sigh, I sat on the arm chair across from him and ran my hands over my bare thighs.

“Did I do something?” The tears brimmed at my eyes. “You don’t want to sleep in the same bed, you rarely look at me anymore, and I can’t remember the last time you touched me.”

“Doll,” Bucky breathed.

His fingers raised to touch my hand but when he hesitated, my heart broke.

“Are we going to make this work or am I going to get hurt?” I choked out a sob.

After almost six months dealing with Bucky distancing himself from me, I needed to know if this was the end. I wouldn’t allow myself to continue to be strung along. I understood that he had been dealing with some things, even seeking therapy, but that wasn’t a reason to shut me out.

“I’m trying, Y/N. It’s been tough trying to adjust,” Bucky spoke.

“What about me? I watched you get dusted in my hands and spent five years on my own, trying to find a way to bring you back.”

Bucky sighed. “I know.”

“Do you?” I stood with anger. “Because when was the last time you asked how I was doing?”

He was silent, giving me my answer.

I hastily wiped the tears from my cheeks and let out a shaky breath. “Every day goes by without a touch or even a kiss from you fucking kills me, Buck. I can’t help but think of a future world where we don’t collide and it makes me sick.”

Bucky was on his feet now, running a hand over his tired face. “I’m trying, Y/N. I want to be with you, build our future, but there’s some things I can’t get over.”

My eyes sliced into him, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “You were gone for five fucking years, Bucky. Steve was there and I apologized over and over again. How many more times do I have too?”

His shoulders went rigid with his own anger. “You fucked Steve. It's not something I can easily get over.”

I knew that if I continued to be angry, this fight would never end. It was the same thing every few days and honestly, I was exhausted.

“Look, if you want to leave, I’ll make it easy. The door is behind you. It will hurt like hell to lose you, Bucky, after everything we have been through. But I’ll be okay.”

Bucky stuffed his hands in his sweat shorts, giving me a shrug. “Our future is fading to black, Y/N. I’m trying to save it but it’s getting harder to hold on.”

My eyes were red and puffy, broken sobs echoing throughout our apartment. My heart was once full of love for him but now it was shattered into pieces, pooling at the pits of my stomach. The tape didn’t work and the glue only made it worse, maybe it was time to let it stay broken.

Letting out a deep, shaky breath, I gave him a strong nod. “I’m not going to keep you if you don’t want to stay, Bucky. I love you so much. I understand that I hurt you when I slept with Steve and I know it’s stupid of me to think that you’d forgive me. I only hoped that your love for me was enough.”

Bucky reached for my hands, his vibranium fingers cooling my heated skin. “I love you too, doll. I just need some time to adjust to everything.”

“I can’t wait forever, Bucky. I need to know if you’re going to leave so I can prepare myself for the heartbreak.”

When he remained silent, a sense of unsureness on his soft features, I finally gave in and nodded.

“When you decide on what you need, I’ll be here. If you want to leave, I won’t stop you. Just know that I will never stop loving you and eventually, I’ll be okay.. But if you decide to stay, to fight for us and work for our future, you know where I’ll be.``

A soft kiss was placed on his lips, one that he had returned with some short of fire behind. It wasn’t how we used to kiss pre snap but I could feel some kind of love.

Turning my back to him, I walked back into our bedroom and crawled into bed. The heavy blanket calmed my body as I sobbed out for my losing love. Through my cries, I tried to listen for Bucky and what his decision was. His footsteps that bounced off the walls slowly started to fill the empty hole in my heart.

[pcisfavesandrecs]

Outerbanks SMAU Recs:

This is where you will find some of my favorite works of all time and my place to write my love letters to their authors! I hope you find something you love here!

Heartbreak:Live/Offline- @zyafics (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Have you ever read something and you were so obsessed it was all you could think about? That is this SMAU for me. I have made a few SMAU’s in the past for Marvel, but never posted them because I was too anxious, but when I read THIS fic????? I genuinely have read it probably 20 times, I am so obsessed. It gave me the push to make my own SMAU’s for OBX, but to also post them! This girl makes such incredible work and graphics that I genuinely am so in awe of her! She is literally the sweetest, and if you haven’t read this, I genuinely can NOT recommend it enough. I spend hours talking about it with my sister because I am SO obsessed with it. I could write an entire book of love letters to this writer because she genuinely has put her heart in this fic and it really does show! It’s literally perfection! In my mind we are genuinely best friend's, I am so obsessed with quite literally anything she does!!

Kildare Split- @ghostofwriting (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

This???????? You're going to see a few Band/Musician AUs in this list and this was the start of my obsession! The relationships? The music? The longing??????? Don't even get me started. this fic is literally a MASTERPIECE and should be treated as such!

Lay all your love on me- @kimoralov3 (JJ Maybank x Heyward!Reader)

This fic is sooooo special to me because I love love love the relationship between Reader and Pope as their brother. Anytime I see the Heyward!Reader tag, it’s an immediate click for me, but this fic is absolutely everything!! I’m talking poor JJ is down in the trenches for this girl to the point he’s cleaning fridges….

Salt &&. Secrets- @sematarygirls (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

This fic is another one of my favorites! Reader is venting on an online blog about Rafe and he is going OUT of his mind trying to figure out who it is! Kelce and Topper are such instigators in this that I find myself laughing every time I see a new part! There are some really cute and different graphics that this writer does a really good job of creating!

Rhythm & Revelry- @darlingchronicles (Reader X JJ Maybank)

Okay, this fic???? Every time I see an update I am giggling and kicking my feet. JJ is fighting for his life against the allegations that he has a crush on Reader/Blue, but the man has been down bad since they were kids and EVERYONE knows. This is a fake dating trope and it is so cute! I am so down bad for this fic! 

Summer Lovin’- @murdockcastleslut (Jackson Genrette x Pogue!Reader)

A Kook obsessed with a Pogue is a guilty pleasure of mine and this fic is EVERYTHING. The interactions between JJ and Pope are my absolute favorite, but he is SO desperate for any kind of attention from Reader that you can’t help but fall in love! I love love love this story so much, I will drop everything the second I see an update!

Off Limits- @whorelaud (BFB!Rafe x Reader)

This one is a mix of SMAU and written fanfic and it has me on my knees. The interactions between Rafe and Reader, but also Reader and everyone else have me rolling on the floor every chapter! This is such a cute story and the dynamic between Reader and her brother really takes it over the top!

Off Topic- @murdockcastleslut (Rafe x Reader)

Okay, so you are definitely going to see this author quite a few times and I’m not even sorry about it! She is literally so sweet and she creates such amazing work that there’s no way I’m ever going to shut up about her! Rafe is so down bad all I can do is giggle and kick my feet at every interaction! Sarah in this fic has me obsessed!! 

Meddle About- @murdockcastleslut (JJ x Reader/ Rafe x Reader)

A band AU that has me in a chokehold already and it has just begun! I genuinely am obsessed with this story already and it only has a few chapters! Then again, I think this writer could post blank posts and I would still eat it up because she is just that good! 

Bed Chem- @lolxdswag123 (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Okay this story is so amazing, I don’t even know where to start! It’s a story of Reader falling in love with Rafe while also wanting to return to college after the summer is over. She and JJ have a complicated history, which has its own twists and turns. This fic is literally so amazing!!

Riding the Edge- @ghostofwriting (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Motorcycle content creator Rafe and Bookstagram poster Reader are literally everything to me! The graphics on this story are so cute, but the story itself just blows me out of the water! They fall so in love so fast, and then Rafe Cameron does indeed fumble the bag… BUT there’s hope guys! I love this story so much!!

Ocean Blue Eyes- @softspiderling (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Okay but musician Reader is always everything to me and this fic????? I literally am so obsessed with it! The fan theories? The literal threads the audience ties together time and time again?? Literally obsessed!

Summer Sun Forever- @l6ndry (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Band AU’s have my heart in case you can’t tell…. But a celebrity falling for their biggest fan??? The delusional girl in me will EAT it up every time! This story is literally so cute! Reader and their friends are such cuties, but Rafe and his band mates? I have to laugh every time they have a conversation… This is SUCH a great read!

Poor Un-American Girls- @greyswaren (Rafe Cameron x foreignexchangestudent!Reader) 

This is such a cute and original idea that I have been eating up like crazy! Reader’s friendships with their friends back home?? Their new friendships with the OBX community?? Rafe being a down bad fella (as he should be).... I am obsessed with this!

Gossip Girl- @maybejj (JJ Maybank x pogue!reader)

Don't even get me started on this..... Literally so full of fun and drama and ANGST.... Literally prepare to have your heart ripped out and stomped on and be ready to want to rip out someone else's (I'm looking at you Adam and I'm coming for you buddy....) It literally feels like a movie every time I see a new part!!

Criminal Love- @maybejj (Rafe Cameron x college!reader)

You want a COCKY SMUG Rafe Cameron who just so happens to be a killer in every universe????? Look no further! I am literally so obsessed with this series it's not even funny! The banter, the little comments online, the HANDWRITING FONTS.... I fear I too would fall for a criminal.... This author is literally fantastic! She could put out a post of watching paint dry and it would be ART!

Fractured Ties- @maybejj (JJ Maybank x Reader)

IF YOU KNEW ME IN REAL LIFE, YOU WOULD KNOW I NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FIC... These are literally my babies fr... A One Tree Hill inspired fic that has Rafe and JJ as BROTHERS, there is nothing that could be more perfect for me. Add in Rafe's sweet ass relationship with Reader and GOODBYE... I'm a puddle every single update. You would NEVER be disappointed in reading this!

Too Hot to Handle- @maybejj (JJ x Reader) (Rafe x Reader)

Are we shocked that this is just turning into a love section for this author????? Absolutely not, I love her bad 😭 This is inspired by the reality show Too Hot to Handle (I'm sure you got that from the title, but just in case) and the graphics are JAW dropping... Need I say more???

Set Me Free- @maybejj (JJ Maybank x Reader)

Surprise, surprise it's me again obsessing over another maybejj fic... Don't mind me at all... This one makes me so unbelievably pissed off at Ward Cameron, you have no idea... THAT MAN CAN PERISH... This reader is Sarah's twin and I eat it up every single time! RECOMMEND!

Twin Flames- @maybejj (Babydaddy!Rafe x Pogue!Reader)

I knew it was coming... you knew it was coming... ANOTHER ONE, but LISTEN this one keeps me up at night... Something about toxic!baby daddy Rafe has me in a chokehold and I'm okay with it! She literally eats with everything she does, but this one will have you GAGGED at how talented she is!

You want me to pretend?- @inthelibrarybtw (BasketballPlayer!Rafe x College!Reader)

DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THIS... I will actually never shut up! I'm sure you can tell by now that I EAT up a college romance, but there's something about athlete Rafe that really locks me in... THESE GRAPHICS are so stunning, I truly CAN'T take it... The song choices... The writing??? It's phenomenal!

Kildare Nights- @robinsgrl (Undecided x Reader)

Want to literally roll on the floor laughing for hours on end? Look no further! This author has got to be one of the funniest people on the planet, and this series will literally SUCK you in so fast... I'm literally obsessed with it!

Happy Endings U- @whytheylosttheirminds (BaseballPlayer!Rafe x College! Reader) (BaseballPlayer!JJ x College!Reader)

I mean... are we shocked???? We shouldn't be shocked... THIS IS LITERALLY SO STUNNING YOU GUYS DON'T GET IT... Poor Reader was in a SHITTY relationship, and she is finally branching out! Don't get me started on the security app.. I'm so serious, don't... it keeps me up at night how good it is...

kildarewatch.com- @zyafics (ExBSF!Kook!Rafe x Kook!Reader) (ExBSF!Kook!JJ x Kook!Reader)

And just in case you REALLY weren't shocked, I've come with ANOTHER banger by the literal love of my life who physically can NOT make a bad piece of media... This story is so captivating, but the graphics????? I will literally drown in a puddle of my own drool anytime she updates, I'm not even joking! Literally everything she puts out is SO perfect, I don't know how I even exist in the same timeline as she does....

[joffyworld]

A Celebration

I wanted to make this post as a post-October celebration of my experiences here.

You've all been amazing. Each and every one of you. To anyone who ever sees this, consider us friends and kindred spirits. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, Joffy is a friend to all! I understand some fear para-sociality, and rightly so. I know it's a bit of a dirty word, but while I may never know you in real life, while I may always be a stranger on the internet, that does not preclude kindness from our times here. You are all people, as am I, and there is no illusion of the opposite on my end.

I came into this community just a month ago, driven almost purely by an obsession with the TROD au written by the amazing @bamsara. Since then, I have fallen in love with so many AU's, so many fics, so many oneshots, and so many pieces that I never would have found otherwise, from the horrific cannibalistic nightmares of @teruuu and @yellowflowrs, to the cute and joyous wonders of artists like @junoberrii, @the-artist-grimm, @spiderin-space, @zynical-forg , @7-ferrets-in-a-coat, @cconfusedkat, @frecktheheck, @lagomorphics and @lil-vibes to the beautifully shameless smut and humour of @melle-d, the wonderous fantastical realms of artists like @aychama, @aniimoni and @stychu-stych and the incredibly well written and crushing experiences of writers such as @kiko---random-stuff-probably, @olrinarts and @alllgator-blood. It has all been an incredible experience to watch, every single shade and genre of art and creativity, and I wouldn't have it any other way! I never expected to have so much fun, so much joy, and such a range of emotions all at once, yet here we are!

My welcome into this community has been astonishing. The kindness, the warmth, the laughs, the tears, the silliness, the naughtiness, the evil, the good. It's all been such a wonder to behold. That's not even mentioning the activism, the understanding and the fundraising I've seen with my own eyes! You've all bred a community of love here, and each and every one of you should be proud of that.

Every mutual I make, I am reminded that kindness breeds kindness. When I started this blog, my only wish was to indulge my madness until it passed, to see if maybe instead of suppressing my own interests, indulging them could perhaps instead lead to a less anxious conclusion? I had often been consumed with anxiety as I fought to pretend I was "normal" and it's always been a tough thing for me. By God has being here helped.

I have embraced who I am as a person, I have learnt things about communities I knew nothing about. I've grown empathies for groups I once found hard to relate to, I've felt joy and comfort from strangers where the world has oft left me dejected. I've met so many people similar to me, completely different from me, and all that lies in-between.

I have met the most beautiful souls in the world, I've seen works of art that made me marvel them as though they were classics of antiquity. I've engaged in silly debates, I've interacted with people I look up to so deeply, I've seen talents I didn't know exist. Most of all, I have found a community that understands me, from the autistic and disabled to the regularly deranged and beautifully obsessed <3

And all of this has inspired me to write my own content, to indulge my own mind in ways I have long tried to leave behind, and find my own stride among the crowd of similarly inspired people. To say the words of you people have changed me is to lie, because it doesn't even begin to describe it.

To anyone I haven't directly @'d, I apologise. I wish I could plug you all, but my memory is fragile, and I'm on the mobile app. But know, that whoever you are, friend or foe, you are ASTONISHING. And should I wake up and remember your names, I'd gladly add them with your permissions. There's not a single person I've seen that hasn't amazed me in brand new ways each time, and every time I compliment your works I mean it from the bottom of my soul.

And to anyone who reads this, whether they be an artist, writer, creator of any stripe, or simply a friendly face or a lurking presence in the shadows:

Thank You,

Thank You So Much,

Joffy

[librababe99]

A Bloom of Despair

Tags: MDNI, 18+ ONLY,  Logan Howlett x Reader, Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Body Horror (descriptions of internal injuries,  physical suffering, mentions of blood), Major Character Death, Hurt /No comfort, No Happy ending

Word Count: 1.1K

Summary: Stricken by Hanahaki disease, you endure the agonizing bloom of petals in your lungs, torn between hope and despair as Logan unknowingly becomes the source of your slow death.

Author's Note: Hi my loves! It’s been a few months since I’ve posted anything on my blog and honestly with everything going on in the world…I have needed an escape. Also this is my first time writing about Hanahaki so I hope I am able to deliver... lol As always comments, likes and reblogs are appreciated! <3

(Marvel Masterlist)

The first petal came while the mansion slept. It was small and delicate, a pale pink thing crumpled between your lips as you jolted awake, choking. The metallic tang of blood was faint but unmistakable, and you stumbled to the bathroom, panic bubbling in your chest. You stood under the fluorescent lights, trembling, staring at the petal in your hand.

It couldn’t be real. But it was.

The next morning, you tucked the petal into a tissue and shoved it deep into your pocket, forcing yourself to smile through breakfast. Logan was there, of course, leaning against the counter with his usual gruff demeanor, grunting responses to Scott’s sarcastic remarks. His dark eyes flicked to you, giving you that half-smirk that had been your undoing since the day you met.

“Mornin',” he said, his voice gravelly.

“Morning,” you replied, your voice betraying none of the chaos inside you. You quickly looked away, your heart racing, feeling the sharp sting of unrequited affection digging deeper into your chest. The disease was already taking root.

The petals came more frequently as the weeks passed. You’d excuse yourself from meals, from training sessions, from late-night conversations, all to cough up those cursed blossoms in private. Each petal was a tangible reminder of what you could never have. Your love for Logan was killing you—literally.

It wasn’t just the petals, either. They began to claw their way up from your lungs, tearing at the tender lining of your throat. You felt the scratches long after each episode, raw and burning, a cruel reminder of what lay inside you. Sometimes you caught glimpses of stems, jagged and thorny, trailing out with the petals. Your hands trembled as you tried to clean up the mess, staring at the streaks of crimson mingling with the delicate pink of the blooms. It was horrifyingly beautiful—a grotesque contradiction that left you sobbing on the bathroom floor.

You tried to suppress it, to smother your feelings beneath layers of forced indifference. But the disease thrived on hope, and you couldn’t stop yourself from hoping. Every shared glance, every accidental touch, every gruff word of encouragement from Logan made your heart race and your condition worsen.

The first full bloom came after a mission. Logan had saved your life, his strong arms pulling you from the wreckage of a burning building. You’d coughed violently in his embrace, blood spotting your lips, but you managed to hide it before he noticed. Later that night, alone in your room, you hacked up a handful of petals, crimson-tinged and velvety soft. But these were not just petals anymore. Nestled among them were small, sharp thorns, jagged and coated in blood. They cut the inside of your mouth as they came, leaving your throat aching and raw. You stared at the mess in the sink, bile rising in your stomach.

Your tears soaked the petals as you sat on the bathroom floor, clutching your sides, which ached from the relentless coughing. You knew what this meant. You’d read about Hanahaki disease in dusty, forbidden texts in Charles's library. Unrequited love that festered into flowers, choking the life out of its victim unless the love was returned—or surgically removed, at the cost of those feelings and the memories tied to them.

You couldn’t bear the thought of forgetting him.

The final blow came one evening in the mansion’s rec room. Jean was there, sitting close to Logan on the couch. Too close. Her laugh was soft and melodic, and Logan’s rare smile stretched across his face as he responded to something she’d said. The sight made the petals rise in your throat, sharp and unforgiving. You felt the thorns digging into your lungs as you stumbled from the room, each breath a struggle. You clutched your chest and fled, ignoring Storm’s concerned call after you.

Back in your room, you collapsed onto your knees, your body wracked with violent coughs. The petals came in a torrent now, soaked in blood, tearing their way out of you. Larger blooms mixed with shards of stems and thorns spilled from your lips, the pain blinding. You felt them tear through the soft tissue of your throat, leaving jagged cuts in their wake. Your chest burned with every cough, the petals relentless in their assault. The metallic scent of blood was suffocating, mingling with the cloying sweetness of the flowers. Your vision blurred, dark spots dancing at the edges of your sight. When it finally stopped, you slumped against the wall, too weak to move.

Logan found you two days later. You hadn’t left your room, and when he kicked the door open, the sight froze him in his tracks. You were pale, your skin clammy, the bed and floor around you littered with withered petals and dried blood. Some of the petals had started to rot, their edges blackened, the sickly-sweet smell making your stomach churn. Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of his voice calling your name, raw with worry and anger.

“What the hell’s going on?” he demanded, kneeling beside you. His hands hovered over you, unsure where to start.

You tried to speak, but your voice was barely a whisper. “I’m sorry, Logan.”

“Sorry? For what?” His brows furrowed as he looked around the room, piecing together the horrific puzzle. “Is this… You’ve been coughing this up?”

You nodded weakly, tears sliding down your cheeks. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“The hell it doesn’t!” he growled. “We’re getting you help. Now.”

You shook your head, your hand reaching out to grip his arm. Your fingers barely had the strength to close around his wrist. “It’s too late.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment, you thought you saw something in his eyes—fear, maybe even regret. But you knew better. Logan cared, but not the way you needed him to. Not the way that would save you.

“Don’t do this,” he said, his voice softer now.

“I… I loved you, Logan,” you confessed, your voice breaking. “I just wanted to tell you before…” Your sentence trailed off as your strength faded.

“No, no, stay with me,” he said, cradling you against his chest. You felt the roughness of his jacket against your cheek, the warmth of his body. It was the closest you’d ever been to him, and it was enough.

Your breathing slowed, your hand slipping from his arm. The last thing you saw before the darkness claimed you was his face, twisted in anguish.

When the others found you, Logan was still holding you, his shirt stained with blood and petals. He didn’t say a word as they led him away, his expression blank, his eyes hollow.

The mansion was quiet in the days that followed. Logan was quieter still, spending his nights on the porch, a cigarette between his fingers, staring out into the distance. The others gave him space, knowing better than to ask questions.

In his pocket, he kept a single petal, pale pink and fragile. It was all he had left of you.

[cookiesandbiscuits]

Hi, there! :D

I saw the new event and it want to participate, If it is not too much trouble, I would like to request:

Type: One Shot Prompt: FRIENDS TO LOVERS: "But [Silver]… we are friends." "…Yes, but–" "But I would very much like to be more than friends." Character: Silver (Twst) x Fem Prefect

Idea: I was thinking of a scenario where Silver and the prefect become increasingly closer by spending time together in the forest behind the campus (where the ancient tree is)

It's just an idea, if my order doesn't convince you, you can discard it, but if not, take your time and don't pressured. Thanks. Bye! <3

Inexplicably Drawn to You

In which your unexpected friendship with the man you met in the forest turns into something more.

Pairing: Silver x Fem!Reader

Prompt: "But [Character Name]... we are friends." "...Yes, but–" "But I would very much like to be more than friends."

A/N: Hello! Thank you for sending your request! Writing stories is one of the main reasons why I made this blog three years ago, so I appreciate every request I receive in my inbox ^^

I apologize for posting this late. The editing part took a while since this became quite long. I hope you enjoy this story!

Other notes: Reader is Yuu/prefect; uses Y/N in place of a name

» 300 Follower Milestone Event

» MASTERLIST

It was purely a coincidence meeting him that day.

You have always been drawn to the forest—its lush canopy and the whispers of its inhabitants always leaving you in awe. So when you discovered the forest behind Night Raven's campus, you were so eager to free your schedule for a visit.

And when the time finally came, it was everything you've ever imagined. The forest was peaceful and quiet; a perfect place to take a break from the usual chaos surrounding you.

You were so busy admiring the place that you didn't notice what was in front of you and you tripped.

Something, or rather, someone, was lying on the ground where you were walking.

You wanted to say something to the stranger who made you trip, but the serene look on his face made you think otherwise.

Looking closely, the man, who was sleeping as you noticed, was quite handsome. Him, adding the tranquil backdrop the forest provided, made for a spectacular sight. Just like—

"Like a prince from a storybook..." you murmured.

Just then, the stranger opened his eyes and met yours, making you jump.

"...Um, hi?" you waved awkwardly as the man continued to stare at you.

He blinked for a few moments before sitting upright.

In a groggy voice, he asked, "What time is it?"

"Time? Well..." you paused for a moment to think. "I've been here for about 30 minutes now, and I came here at around 4 PM, so I'm guessing it's already 4:30 PM."

The man widened his eyes and stood up.

"I slept on for too long. I must hurry, or I'll be late. Thank you for your assistance."

He bowed, and before you could even say anything, he had already left.

You could only blink at how quickly everything had happened.

"What'cha up to, Prefect?"

You flinched when two hands suddenly grabbed you by the shoulders.

"Ace! You almost gave me a heart attack!" you shrilled.

"Haha, you shoulda seen the look on your face— ow! What the hell, dude! What was that for?"

Ace frowned at Deuce, who only sighed at his classmate's behavior.

"You shouldn't scare people like that, Ace." He then turned to look at you. "Anyways, what are you doing, Prefect?"

"Nothing much. I'm just drawing," you smiled, showing your sketchpad to the two.

"Woah, you're pretty damn good at this," Ace marveled as he looked through the pages.

"I didn't know you can draw," said Deuce.

You shrugged. "It's just one of my pastime hobbies."

"Ooh, who's this guy?" Ace pointed the latest illustration in your sketchpad.

It was the sleeping man you met in the forest.

"I don't know," you answered, taking your sketchpad back from Ace's hands.

"What do you mean "you don't know"?"

"I just told you. I don't know." You started to put away your stuff in your bag. "I never asked his name."

Ace raised a brow on your statement. "So you drew a guy you don't know? Like what, you got a crush on him or something?"

"Wha-?! No!" you sputtered. "I just thought he's pretty, okay? And I like drawing pretty things."

"Riiiight..." The ginger-haired teen smirked.

"I told you, that's not it!" you screeched, your cheeks slowly reddening at Ace's teasing.

But the boy only laughed at your reaction. Even Deuce couldn't help but laugh too.

You can only sigh in frustration. "Ugh, you guys are terrible!"

"I swear, those two..." you grumbled as you drew the wild anemone you found.

"Oh, it's you..."

"Huh?"

You whipped your head towards the voice. It was the man your friends were teasing you with earlier.

"Oh, hello..." you greeted.

"What are you doing?" he tilted his head as he asked.

"I'm just— drawing! Yes, just drawing this this flower here," you said, opting not to voice out the reason of your grumbling.

"I see..." the man replied.

The silence that followed was long. You thought the man had already left, but to your surprise, he crouched down beside you.

Unable to take it any longer, you spoke. "So, did you get there on time?"

"Hm? Oh, you mean the last time we met. Yes, I did. And it's all thanks to you."

You waved your hand. "There's no need to thank me. Besides, you've already thanked me before."

"But still... if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have woken up in time for my club activity."

"Ah." You recalled tripping over him the first time you met. "Sorry for tripping over you, by the way."

"It's alright," he replied.

".........."

".........."

Another moment of silence.

"Say," you started. "Do you come here often?"

The man nodded. "I find the forest calming."

You looked down at the wild anemone in front of you. "I see... I hope I'm not causing too much trouble for you."

"Not at all. How about you? Do you visit here often too?"

"When the time allows me to," you responded. "Though I try my best to visit as much as I can."

You turned to look at him.

"Since it's most likely that we'll run into each other a lot here, it's probably best to know each other's names, right?"

Reaching out a hand, you smiled. "I'm Y/N, and you are...?"

"Silver. My name is Silver."

"It's very nice to meet you, Silver."

From that day on, spending your time in the forest with Silver became a common occurrence.

True to his appearance, he was nothing short of a gentleman to you, always making sure you were doing fine during your visits.

You learned that he was a second-year student from Diasomnia and that he was part of the Equestrian Club with Riddle, and along with a first-year named Sebek, he is training to become a retainer for Malleus Draconia, the heir apparent of Briar Valley.

You felt at ease with him, grateful that you found a person aside from your first-year friends to open up to.

And he would always lend an ear to listen to your stories.

You found his presence comforting, just like the forest that has now become a special place for the two of you.

It didn't take long before the feelings of friendship you felt for him had developed into something more.

"Alright, I'm gonna do it."

You announced, clenching your hands with determination.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Ace asked.

"I'm gonna tell him I like him."

"Finally!" the gingerhead cheered. "I was getting sick of hearing you pine for him every day, to be honest— ack! Dude, you've gotta stop hitting me at the back of my head!"

"I'll stop once you stop being so rude," Deuce replied. "I'll be rooting for you, Prefect!"

You smiled. "Thanks, Deuce. I'll be off then!"

Giving them a small wave, you rushed to the second-years' classrooms, your heart pounding with hope and excitement.

However, that feeling will soon be crushed as soon as you reached your destination.

"This is it, right?"

You panted as you read the sign above the doorframe: "2-A"

You were about to knock when you heard people talking inside, making you pause.

"...Are you two dating?"

"...No, we're not."

You blinked, hearing Silver among the voices you heard.

"The Prefect and I are only good friends, nothing more."

Oh.

Your gaze fell on the floor.

Of course, what were you thinking? It's not like he was doing all those things when you were together because he sees you as more than a friend. It was you who gave those gestures a different meaning.

Laughing bitterly to yourself, you made the walk back to Ramshackle.

"So, how did it go?"

Along with Deuce and Grim, Ace greeted you with his signature grin the moment you walked in Ramshackle's common room.

You could only give them a bittersweet smile in return.

"What, don't tell me you got— mmph!"

Covering Grim's mouth with his free hand, Ace threw a bag of chips in your direction. "You know what? Screw that guy. He doesn't even know what he's missing out on."

"Y-yeah, Ace is right," Deuce chimed in. "Don't worry, Prefect. We're here for you."

After a moment, you sighed, feeling an immense gratefulness for your two friends.

"Thanks, you guys."

"Y-yeah, sure..."

"Pwah! Alright, that's enough! Are we gonna eat these snacks or what?" Grim exclaimed, having wriggled out of Ace's grip.

"Oi, Grim! Don't you dare eat all of the snacks this time, you hear me?" Ace turned to look at your furry roommate, who was already stuffing his mouth full.

Letting out a small laugh, you sat beside Deuce who only shook his head as the other two in the room continued bickering.

You really are lucky to have them as friends.

"Oh..."

You softly gasped as you bumped into the person you have been avoiding all week: Silver.

"Ah... hello, Prefect. You must be here for Professor Crewel's class."

"Y-yes, I am..." you replied awkwardly. "And you? What are you doing here in the lab?"

"Oh, you haven't heard yet? The first-years and second-years will be having a joint class today."

"Really...?" You felt your stomach drop. "I see..."

In that moment, Professor Crewel entered the room. "Alright, puppies, take your seats."

"As I have explained yesterday, we will be making Morpheus's Elixir for today's class. However, as this is a fairly complicated potion, I have assigned to your group a second-year who will guide you in making the potion. Failure to make the potion will cause you to take a remedial class, understood?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Then I will assign your guides now. Group 1..."

"For Y/N's group, Silver here will be your guide."

"What?!" you exclaimed.

Professor Crewel narrowed his eyes at your sudden outburst. "Do you have any problem with the assignment, Miss Y/N?"

"Ah— no, sir. I apologize."

After Crewel left your table, you sighed. Just your rotten luck, you thought.

"Are you alright, Prefect?" Silver asked.

"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm fine! Never been better!"

"Are you sure—?"

"Yep! We should probably start making the potion now. Let's see..." you cut him off, changing the topic to your current activity.

"We need one teaspoon of stardust powder, three dried lavender spikes, five drops of midnight blue extract, one moondrop piece, and one cup of milk."

Before you could put the ingredients in the cauldron, someone grabbed your hands to stop you.

"Wait! Don't dump them in the cauldron all at once."

"Huh?"

It was Silver. You immediately moved your hands away from his, as if you'd be burned if you don't.

"Ah, sorry. The instruction said to boil them together," you said sheepishly.

"You're right. But the ingredients won't mix together properly if you just put them together."

Pouring the cup of milk in the cauldron, Silver continued to explain.

"You have to heat up the milk in low heat first. Once it starts to steam, put the stardust and ground moondrop piece gradually."

He then gave the moondrop to your group mate. "Ground this and the lavender, if you please."

"Wow... you're really good at this," you marveled, watching the purplish blue potion sparkle as you gently stirred it.

Silver smiled. "Not really... I just happened to be familiar with this potion since I used to make them whenever my father gets his bouts of nightmares."

"I see..."

After a moment, Silver spoke once again.

"I haven't seen you visit the forest for a while now..."

"Oh..." you paused. "I was just...busy, y'know... between doing the headmage's biddings, schoolwork, and keeping an eye on Grim, I haven't found the time to visit."

That was a lie, of course.

You just simply haven't had the strength to face him yet after overhearing the conversation he had with his classmate.

You wouldn't admit that to him, though.

"Then... will you be visiting today?"

"I'm... not sure."

"Oh..."

"......."

The space between the two of you were filled with thick silence which lasted until the end of the class.

Silver sighed as he put the cauldron away in the cabinet.

For some reason, you've been avoiding him for several days now.

Did he do something to offend you?

Mulling over the possible reasons of your avoidance, he left the lab and found you talking to one of your classmates.

He was about to say goodbye when he heard the boy shout.

"Prefect! I-I... I like you! Please go out with me!"

Silver remained quiet as he saw the scene unfold before him. It made his stomach churn, much to his confusion.

His eyes then shifted to you.

"Oh— um... thank you, but I can't," you replied.

He released a breath he didn't know he was keeping. How odd...

Suddenly, the boy grabbed your arm, making you wince.

"C-can't you give me just one chance? I promise I'll be good to you!"

"Wait, stop—"

"Hey."

Before he could think, Silver found yanking your classmate's hand from your arm, inserting himself between you and him.

"I believe the Prefect had already given her answer."

"Silver..."

"Tch, fine..." the boy said, irritated as he raised his hands in defeat and walked away.

After making sure he was out of sight, Silver turned to you. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah... I was just a little surprised, is all," you replied, rubbing the arm your classmate grabbed earlier.

He frowned. Your classmate must've gripped too hard that it even left a mark.

"Has this been happening to you regularly?"

"No, this is the first time this happened, actually."

He paused, eyeing your arm before speaking again. "Do you have somewhere else to be today?"

"No, I don't. Why?

"Then let me escort you back to Ramshackle Dorm."

"Huh?! You don't need to do that!"

However, he only shook his head. "I can't let you walk alone after that. Please, I insist."

After a few more convincing, Silver finally persuaded you into letting him walk you back home.

He sighed in relief as the two of you managed to reach Ramshackle without incident.

"Thank you for walking me back," you said as you opened the front door.

"Of course."

Suddenly, the familiar gingerhead appeared.

"Hey, Prefect!" Ace greeted. "...And Silver?!"

"Wait, Silver's here?"

Another familiar face appeared. This time, it was Deuce.

"Hey guys."

"Hello."

The two Heartslabyul students exchanged looks before looking at the prefect, who sighed.

"He insisted on walking me back."

"Okay..." Ace narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Trappola, Spade." Silver turned to the two card soldiers. "Can I speak with you two? Please."

The gingerhead raised a brow before looking at the prefect.

"Do what you want. I'll be going inside and sleep." You waved your hand and went inside.

"Sure..."

"Say what?!"

The two blurted after Silver told them what happened earlier.

"I can't believe he did that..." Ace sighed.

"Yeah, that guy's gonna pay for that... No man should force a woman to do what he wants," Deuce cracked his knuckles as he spoke.

"Please, calm down, there's no need to retaliate. I will speak to the teachers regarding this. I only ask you to keep the Prefect company, in case something like this happens again."

"Say..." Ace suddenly turned to Silver, his eyes serious. "Why are you doing this?"

Silver's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I'm asking why are you doing all this effort for the Prefect? Don't get me wrong, we're still gonna do what you asked us to, I just don't get why you asked us for help too? Most people in this school would just tell the teachers what happened and go their merry way at best, but you even walked her home to make sure she arrived safely. What does the Prefect truly mean to you?"

He was taken aback at the first-year's question. "The Prefect is a precious friend of mine and—"

Ace scoffed, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Yeah, right."

"Ace! Don't be rude!" Deuce scolded. "I'm so sorry for my dorm mate's actions. He's only worried for our friend. Don't worry, we'll make sure the Prefect is safe."

Silver stared at Ace, who was scowling, for a moment before turning to Deuce.

"Thank you. And Ace?"

"What?"

"I know you're worried for the Prefect, but I promise you, I would never do anything to hurt her."

He then slightly bowed and left.

"Oh, Silver. Welcome back."

"Hello. What are you guys doing?"

Silver eyed his two dorm mates curiously.

"Oh, I'm just helping this guy write a love letter for his crush, the Ramshackle prefect," the first student replied.

"Hey! Don't tell him that!" the second student shrieked.

"...You like the Prefect?" Silver asked.

"Oh, he's absolutely smitten. Wouldn't stop talking about how cute and nice she is. I got sick of it so I told him to write a letter instead."

"I told you, stop! I don't need everybody to know my business!"

"Hey, speaking of which, you're a friend of the Prefect, right?" Student No. 1 smiled. "Mind helping this guy to ask his crush out?"

Ask the Prefect out...?

Silver felt his his chest twinge with unease.

As much as he'd like to help his dorm mates out, the Prefect is his friend. And she just experienced something terrible with love confessions earlier. If he helped them out, that might make her uncomfortable, and—

"O-on second thought..."

Student No. 1's voice broke him out of his stupor.

The man, who was looking paler by the minute, continued. "You must be busy with other things. Please, forget we asked!"

Grabbing his friend's arm, he rushed out of the room, leaving the unfinished love letter on the table.

Silver could only stare at the doorway in confusion.

"My, no wonder those two look like they saw a ghost. Why the frown?"

He turned to look at the new arrival.

"Father..."

Lilia smiled, before noticing the unattended letter on the table.

"What's this? A love letter?"

Silver nodded. "Those two left it behind."

"Young love... How nice." The older fae giggled. "Who's the recipient?"

"...The Ramshackle prefect."

"Oh... You mean your friend whom you met in the woods?"

"Yes."

Silver frowned at the letter in his adoptive father's hand.

"Are you upset that she's receiving a lot of attention from her admirers?"

Lilia waved the paper in his hand. "You've been staring at this like it's your greatest enemy."

"Oh..."

He let out a sigh. "I'm just worried about her."

Lilia raised a brow, urging him to continue.

"One of her admirers physically harassed her earlier. Who knows what might've happened if I wasn't there to intervene."

"Oh my..." Lilia scowled. "How distasteful. Is she alright?"

"Yes. I escorted her home to make sure she's safe."

The bat fae nodded. "That's good."

"And then there's that..."

Silver paused, unsure of what to say next.

"What do you mean?" Lilia asked.

"For some reason, I feel... restless." Silver ran a hand through his hair. "Like I want to hide her away from the others. Especially when I heard that student talk about her like that."

"Hoh..." Lilia hummed, his eyes filled with intrigue. "...Are you sure what you feel for her is only friendship?"

"What?" Silver furrowed his brows. "What is it then if not friendship?"

Lilia only shrugged at his question. "That's for you to find out! It would be less fun if I told you right away."

Grabbing his shoulder, Lilia ushered him to his room. "Now then, it's time for you to think long and hard for the answer, okay?"

"The answer, huh..."

Silver closed his eyes and opened them again, his line of sight never leaving your table in the cafeteria.

A few days had passed since the incident with your classmate happened. The teachers swiftly made an action with his report, sending the culprit into a two-week suspension and transferring him to a different section, making sure that the two of you never crossed paths during classes.

Your two friends from Heartslabyul also kept their promise, making sure you were never alone.

It's also been days since Lilia told him to go find the answer to his own question. Unfortunately, he still hasn't found the right answer to that.

He brought his attention back to your table.

You were laughing at something Ace had said.

Seeing you smile like that, unburdened with the troubles your life here had brought you, made him smile too.

He'd do anything to keep that smile of yours on your face.

And with that, realization slowly found its way to him.

Why he became downhearted when you said you were too busy to visit the forest.

Why he was so upset about the attention from your admirers.

Why he wanted to protect that precious smile of yours.

Ace and Lilia's questions came to Silver's mind.

"What does the Prefect truly mean to you?"

"...Are you sure what you feel for her is only friendship?"

The answer to those is...

"That's what you get for being overzealous," you said, still laughing at Ace's story.

The gingerhead only pouted at your reaction. "It's not funny! Don't you know how hard it is to catch those little guys?"

"At least that'll teach you not to use the school's resources to make a quick cash."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it, so stop laughing!"

"...Prefect."

You tensed as you heard that all too familiar voice. Taking a deep breath, you turned to look at him and smiled.

"Hi, Silver. Can I help you with something?"

"Are you free after class today?"

You eyed him curiously. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Then, can we meet in the forest today? I need to tell you something important."

You looked at your two friends and Grim, who gave you worried looks. You gave them a reassuring smile in return.

"Sure, I'll be there."

"I wonder what it is he wanted to talk about?" you said to yourself as you treaded the familiar path of the forest.

This is the first time you've visited this place since... that happened.

You shook your head and continued to walk.

Your feelings are still all over the place, although not as much as before. You've been trying your best to move on, but you are missing the time you've spent with Silver in this forest.

Speak of the devil, you thought, as you spotted the familiar figure lying on the forest floor.

"Seriously, it's a wonder how you can sleep in the cold hard ground so soundly," you chuckled, crouching beside him and brushing off the strands of hair blocking his face.

He must've felt your touch, as he stirred awake from his slumber after brushing off his hair.

"Morning, sleepyhead."

"Mm... Y/N..? Did I make you wait?"

You shook your head. "I just got here. I should be asking you that. Sorry I'm late."

Silver sat up from his sleeping spot. "It's alright."

He patted the space beside him, and you complied, sitting beside him on the ground.

The setting sun painted the sky in an array of colors, making you sigh in awe.

"Y/N."

"Yes?" you replied, taking off your gaze from the sky to him.

"I've been thinking a lot to answer a question I asked myself. And after a few days, I've finally found the answer to that question."

You remained quiet, letting him continue speaking.

"I am ashamed to admit that it took me to realize it after that incident, but I cannot bear to see you be with another man."

Silver looked at you with all seriousness.

You blinked. No way. Is he...?

"Y/N, I am deeply in love with you. And I promise to treasure you every day as long as I live, if you'll have me."

You gasped.

You thought there would be no chance, when you heard him that day. But here he is, laying his feelings out in the open.

Tears began to prickle your eyes.

"But Silver... we are friends."

"...Yes, but–"

"But I would very much like to be more than friends."

You laughed, your tears now flowing freely on your cheeks.

Silver stared at you in disbelief before pulling you in for a hug.

"You have no idea how much I've been wanting you to say that," you said between sobs.

Pressing your foreheads together, he began to wipe your tears with his thumb. "I'm sorry, and thank you."

Once again, you let out a shaky laugh before kissing him.

And as your lips met his, you found yourself grateful to whatever divinity watching you above in this world for letting you meet and love the man who was sleeping on the ground that day.

Tag list: @officialdaydreamer00 @cloudcountry @identity-theft-101 @the-clockwork-fiend @twst-beam @oya-oya-okay @savanaclaw1996 (tell me if you wanna be added/removed from the list!)

[babyjakes]

did something bad.

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

event | kinkmas 2023

prompts | interrogation + weapon play

pairing | soft!daddy!lloyd hansen x little!reader

warnings | ddlg dynamic. lloyd is soft and a little dark; dub-con to be safe (reader is scared but knows she's safe.) restraints. reader gets fucked with lloyd's unloaded gun as a punishment (+ me knowing nothing about guns.) crying kink. dumbification. mocking/degredation. name-calling (reader is called a slut once.) orgasm delay. softer nicer lloyd at the end. reader gets to come.

word count | 1,333

an | this one's dedicated to the sweetest, most wonderful angel in the whole entire world, lloyd's precious girl amalia @stargirlfics 💕🫶✨ hope you like this little story with a soft dark-ish lloyd, i think you replied to that one post a while back where i dreamt of lloyd + gun fucking with a rather unhinged ending, this is to hopefully make up for that!! happy holidays to you sweet friend, hope you're staying safe and warm!

Writhing as your back arched up off of the smooth wooden surface you were bound to, your weak whimpers were sweet music to your daddy's ears. The mustached man stood just off to the side of the desk, finishing up as he wiped the shiny barrel of his favorite revolver clean. "D-Daddy, please! I'm sorry- I'll never do it again," you implored, but Lloyd only chuckled cruelly at your desperate promises, shaking his head.

"Too late, princess. You know Daddy loves to hear you beg, but none of those pretty pleas are gonna work for you this time." He stepped forward to stand at your side, a firm hand reaching down to grope at your tit. It had been a while since he had last stripped you naked and tied you down on his desk; hoping to prolong your anxious waiting, he took a moment to admire his knotwork work. "So cute when you're all tied up like this, kitten. Maybe you need to break the big rules more often."

You struggled uselessly as your nipple was twisted and tugged at, tears stinging in your eyes as your daddy leaned down slightly to croon at you, "Poor baby, look at those big, frightened eyes. You gonna cry for me already, sweetheart? I haven't even started yet." Placing the dreaded weapon he was wielding down near your waist, he used his now free hand to trail down, feeling at your parted slit gently. "Oh my," his voice dropped lower as his fingers were quickly covered in your sticky slick, "looks like someone's getting excited. Is that out of fear, little one? Or is that poor little baby brain of yours getting turned on by Daddy punishing you like this?"

Hot tears of humiliation rolled down your cheeks as you glared up at the towering man. "Aww, don't go all pouty on me," he laughed lightly at the precious face you were making. "If you're good and tell me what I want to know, I promise I'll make sure you like this."

All you could do was watch with frightened eyes as the tall man got to prepping his instrument of choice for your punishment. Retrieving a small bottle of lube from one of his desk drawers, he coated the barrel of the handgun generously, making sure the long pipe of metal would slide in without issue. While the use of the device was meant to teach you a lesson, its goal was to deal you an emotional punishment, not a physical one. The gun was unloaded in front of you beforehand, and the sights were removed to prevent any catching or discomfort. More than anything, it was merely the concept of being fucked with the gun that you found so horrific.

"You're gonna look so pretty all stretched out on this," Lloyd marveled as he held up the weapon to show you before bringing it down to press its opening up against yours. The man grinned in delight as you kicked and fought helplessly against the ropes holding your legs apart, savoring the way your little voice sounded when you were all needy and scared like this.

"Please, p-please Daddy!" you cried, your tears worsening as you felt the cool metal gliding up inside you. Squeezing your eyes shut, you gave in and quit squirming as the revolver was inserted to its handle, twisting and turning cruelly within you as your daddy took his time and played.

"There," he hummed in satisfaction when he finally settled on a position, keeping the hilt sticking upward as he gently began pumping the slippery barrel in and out of your poor little pussy. It was nothing short of sinful, the way you immediately began moaning softly, the queasy fear in your tummy quickly shifting to unapologetic lust as your hips started bucking up to meet your daddy's efforts.

"Such a greedy little slut," Lloyd chuckled as he watched you ramming yourself right up onto the dripping weapon. "Look at you, getting so horny for Daddy's gun. That's it, princess. Keep fucking yourself on it, just like that." He helped you along by returning his free hand to your hardened nipples, pinching and pulling at the poor knots of flesh as burning tingles fanned out across your entire body.

"Daddy, D-Daddy-" you mumbled weakly, your eyes half-closed in bliss as the smooth tip of the revolver bumped right up against your tender ceiling. "Please, d-don't stop... gonna, g-gonna..." Maybe it was the sheer depravity of the situation, or maybe it was Lloyd's skillful fingers working your oversensitive nipples, but something was helping you along to a rather early high as you lay there panting on the desk. Seeing the way your body was starting to give its usual signs of approaching orgasm, your daddy slowed the pace of the gun inside you as he brought his other hand up to cup your cheek.

"Now baby," he tsked, rubbing his thumb tenderly over your tear-stained cheek as you looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"Daddy, p-please! Need, n-need-... nnn..."

"Shhhh," Lloyd cooed, bringing his thumb to rest firmly over your salty lips as a signal to be quiet and listen. "Daddy knows, kitten. Know how bad you need to come," he nodded understandingly, the concern and mock sympathy on his face only causing your tears to worsen, as you knew the ways of his cruel acts and games. "But you're forgetting something, sweet girl- something very important. Remember that Daddy had a question for you?" Sobbing lightly against your daddy's thumb, you nodded weakly. "That's right, baby. Daddy needs to know what you were doing in the armory, right? Because weren't you found in there by one of his guards, up way past your bedtime?"

He let you nod, giving you a soft hum of approval as the gun was pumped at a torturously slow pace, in and out of your quivering cunt. "Now I'm gonna take my hand away, and I want you to answer. Do you understand, little one?"

Batting your eyelashes, you nodded as obediently as you could, earning a slight nod from the man as he did as he promised and released your face, allowing your lips to finally open. "W-was lookin' for a knife, Daddy. One of those shiny ones, with the fancy blades."

Lloyd considered your answer, quirking an eyebrow as he bumped his pace up with the revolver just a hair. "A knife? Now what on earth would you need a knife for, my little princess? Those are very dangerous; you know Daddy doesn't let you touch knives, not even the ones in the kitchen."

"Just wanted to play with one," you mumbled honestly, fearing how lame your answer might come across. "Saw a super spy on TV, she had a cool-lookin' one. Wanted to dress up and play around the castle." Lloyd couldn't help but melt a bit at your answer. Of all the things he thought you might be doing in there, finding a prop for a play-pretend game certainly made sense for your harmless, innocent nature.

"A super spy, huh?" he nodded, finally working back up to his original speed as he resumed fucking you generously with the weapon in his hand. "I see. Thank you for telling me the truth, sweetheart. No big girl knives for you, but we can find you a fake one to play with. Deal?"

"D-deal," your voice was shaky as your punishment seemed to come to its close. You had been so good, taken everything without too much of a struggle, and now it was time for your daddy to reward you. "D-Daddy," you hiccuped as the pressure in your tummy began quickly building up again, but Lloyd was already one step ahead of you.

"Go ahead, princess. You can come; you earned it," he cooed lovingly as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, cradling the back of your neck with his free hand as you finally found your release.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

September Creator of the Month: Tveitertotwrites

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @tveitertotwrites

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTMs can be found here.

Tumblr Blog Name: Tveitertotwrites

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Megan

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog

Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I started playing in 2019, and my first book was Rules of Engagement.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the fandom in January 2022. I had taken a break from Choices for a while but went back in November/December 2021 and started trying to look for fanfiction for Open Heart as I wanted to see if there was more Open Heart content, so I turned to Tumblr and AO3 and decided to join.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

It was the first thing I could think of. I’m not creative with naming things (if anyone remembers my original blog name, it was openheartfanfiction because I only wrote for OH and couldn’t think of anything else). So I was like, “I’m a fan of Aaron Tveit. His fans are called Tveiter Tots, so why not?”  I then added writing because most of the content I make is fanfiction.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it! 

It was actually a little intro to my account, but I had deleted it a while back so now it’s this. It is not my favorite. I would definitely redo it now that I have had more experience with text fics. 

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

While I would love to make fan art, currently, I only write fanfiction.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I have been writing/creating Choices content since 2022. But I have been writing for Star Wars and Adam Driver Characters since 2020 (even though I am on hiatus from it, and I don’t know if/when I will pick it back up). I also wrote some Marvel fanfiction with a friend in 2021. More recently, I have started writing stuff for Aaron Tveit and Cillian Murphy characters on my non-Choices blog.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Right now, I would say either Red Carpet Diaries or America’s Most Eligible is my favorite. But I also like Open Heart, High School Story, and others. I want to create more for RCD and AME, but I think I like creating content for OH.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

Since I already mentioned the text fic, I chose the next fic I did. It was for my Open Heart MC’s (Claire Evans) Birthday. And I would 100 percent go back and rewrite it. I like the idea of what I wrote, but I don’t like its execution, and I need to go back and rewrite it.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

Right now, I have these two favorites. While I like writing angst, I enjoy writing fluffy stuff like these two fics. Plus, it’s my MC and OC who are besties (Claire and Adelaide), so I had to choose one from both of them.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

This was a fic that I wasn't expecting to get notes on. I was still very new to the fandom at the time and hadn’t really interacted with anyone at that point, so seeing people like it was a shock.

Something that I wish I could do better is the content I make for my RCD and AME MCs (Brooklyn Moore and Charlie Howard). I love that people like my OH content, but I don’t see many people liking content from those books (which is fine if you don’t like it).

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Fluff. While writing Angst and Smut can be fun, writing fluff is a nice escape from real life.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Yes, I have put some things from myself into my MCs and OCs, like some personality traits, some physical traits, and some hobbies/things they enjoy. So, I do see myself sometimes, but not always.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Either coming up with titles or writing bits in between the big parts. Usually, one of the last things I do is come up with a title because I can never think of one. Also, writing the “less important” parts in between the parts I want to write is what gets me sometimes and is why I have unfinished fics that I have abandoned.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

I have some fics that I had done some previews for (last year or the year before) that I would like to finish at some point. Right now, I am trying to finish a Dancing with the Stars AU for Adelaide and Tobias, so that is my writing priority.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

Maybe it depends on who it is. While I don’t think anyone would be too judgemental, I would still be very nervous to show them in fear of them hating it or something like that. I wouldn't show them the smut or some of my earlier fics but the fluff I would.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

Not really. I have liked a lot of people’s work, but I don’t think that it really influences my writing at all though.

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

I think my fic “Coming to You” would be fun to see as a movie. Seeing how Ethan and Claire’s relationship grows on screen when they’re in two different worlds would interest me.

19- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

I have thought about trying to write an original fiction book, but right now I don’t. I do currently write some original screenplays as I am in college for screenwriting.

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

I like to paint and listen to music. I like to take drives in the morning to get coffee and relax or at night with my dogs. I like to watch movies and musicals (like Moulin Rouge and Six). 

21: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to)

Thank you to anyone who has read any of my fics or enjoyed the content I create. It means a lot, and I hope to continue writing content that both you and I can enjoy.

[lozchi]

KNOCKDOWN Chapter 3

Masterlist

Pairing(s):Sukuna x F!Reader, Modern AU

Themes: Suggestive content, profanity, mild violence, slow burn, childhood friends to lovers, OOC, fluff, angst(ish),

A/N:i want to edge all of you | Poll in my blog! Go answer haiyaa…

Chapter 3: 4,341 words

Toji strode with you backstage, leading you through the maze of corridors until you reach a quieter area. He grabbed a stool and placed it in front of you.

“He’s gonna take a bit. Though, post-match interviews usually don’t last long with him.” he chuckles.

You sat down nervously. The gratitude you felt for Toji and his child was immense; without them, you wouldn't have known what Sukuna was up to all this time.

"Can I have your name?" you asked, curiosity getting the better of you.

"Toji Fushiguro," he replied, a hint of pride in his voice as he shook your hand. "I've been training Sukuna ever since I left the military. What's your name?"

You introduced yourself, and Toji smiled, the expression warm and knowing. Sukuna had never mentioned you to Toji, but it was clear you held a special place in Sukuna's heart. There was no way Sukuna would leave a framed picture of someone in his home if they weren't important.

"I can tell he's missed you." 

"I sure hope he did." you replied, your voice soft. "I've missed him too."

You sit there, heart racing as you wait for the moment you’ve been longing for, hoping that this reunion would be everything you’d dreamed it would be.

Toji was partly right. Sukuna didn’t take long because all his responses to the interview questions were half-assed. Still, interviewers swarmed like ants, and there were more comments and questions than usual.

"Thoughts after the fight? I win, so I reign."

"What made me want to switch weight classes? Well, I wanted to, I suppose."

"This is different from my other fights because I'm fighting a different person."

Needless to say, the reporters weren't satisfied and they guess they never will be.

Sukuna scanned the crowd, searching for you, but you were no longer there. Some people had left, and staff were cleaning the place up. However, he spotted the same people you had sat with earlier—your friends, he assumed. He figured they might have answers, so he approached them.

Haibara and Shoko were chattering to themselves, discussing the intensity of the fight and then shifting to how cruel their professors were.

"The feints were so unpredictable, I didn't see any of them coming." Haibara muttered.

"Yeah, like how our prof tells us to study for a specific topic and add a completely new one on the actual exam, what a ruthless old jerk."

Sukuna towered over them, he figured you guys were friends, so he thought to at least show some manners. "Hello, you guys acquainted with—"

Haibara cut him off, unable to contain his excitement. "Yes, we are! She headed backstage with Coach Fushiguro."

Sukuna nodded. "I see, thank you." he said, and without another word, he rushed to go find you.

-

You expected to see Sukuna as soon as you saw fluffy pink hair, but you were mistaken. A kid emerged from the bathroom, holding what appeared to be a Nintendo Switch.

 “Yuuji?!?” you exclaimed, recognizing the boy who had grown so much since the last time you saw him. You recalled the times where you played with Yuuji as a toddler while Sukuna worked on his part of a project.

Yuuji’s eyes lit up with pleasant surprise, and he ran to hug you. “I miss you!” he exclaimed, his arms wrapping tightly around you.

“You’ve grown so much!” you marveled, holding him close. “And you’re still as lively as ever. I'm glad you still remember me.”

Yuuji beamed up at you, his eyes sparkling with the same infectious energy you remembered. “I’m so happy to see you!” he said, his excitement evident.

To be frank, Sukuna was quite irritated by the fact Yuuji reunited with you before he did–jealous, even.

“I see you’ve reunited with this annoying brat.” Sukuna said, withholding a smirk as he approached.

You looked up, and there he was. “Ugh, my day just got ruined.” you joked, playfully throwing a punch at him.

“Shut up. Don’t deny the fact that you missed—” Before he could finish, you captured him in an embrace. 

He was momentarily stunned. “—me...”

His initial surprise quickly melted into a deep sense of longing.

You felt awkward, your face pressed against his chest. It didn’t bother you a bit that he was sweaty and bloody after the fight, but he hesitated to return the hug.

You felt his body tense slightly before he melted into the hug, his arms wrapping around you with a firm, almost desperate grip. The contact was electrifying, his warmth seeping through the sweat and grime from the fight. It had been so long since you’d felt this close to him, and it felt as though the world had slipped away, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of shared history and affection.

Sukuna held onto you tightly as if he was afraid of letting you go, his breath hitching slightly against your shoulder. You could sense the raw, unspoken emotion in his hold— profound dread of being parted from you once more. He pulled you closer, his grip tight, as if trying to erase the years of distance and disconnection between you. His heart pounded steadily against your chest, a rhythm of relief and longing.

For you, the feeling was equally overwhelming. You missed this closeness— the bickering, the physical contact, the warmth of his body, the sense of familiarity and safety that only he could provide. Your face pressed against his chest, and you could feel the steady rise and fall of his breath.

As you looked up at him, you could see the mixture of emotions in his eyes—relief, happiness, and an unspoken plea for this moment to last forever. It was a fleeting glimpse of the connection that had always been there, buried beneath the surface.

“Congrats on the win, you big dope.” you said, looking up at him. “I’ll patch you up, just like old times.”

“Just like old times.” he huffed, a smile breaking through his irritation. “I’d like that.” 

“Now kiss!” Yuuji teased, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“EW, NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT.” You and Sukuna both complained in unison, recoiling from each other as if stung.

“Brat, just how disgusting can you get?” Sukuna added, glaring playfully at Yuuji.

You rolled your eyes, brushing off the embarrassment. “Seriously, Yuuji? What are you, five?”

Yuuji grinned, clearly enjoying the chaos he’d caused. “I’m eight, actually.”

Sukuna ruffled Yuuji’s hair, his expression softening despite his irritation. “Don’t get any ideas, kid. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, super annoying friends. Especially Ryo.” you added, smirking up at Sukuna.

“Annoying, huh? You're the only annoying one here.” Sukuna’s eyes sparkled with amusement. 

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Alright, maybe I am, now let me help you." you offered Sukuna, gently guiding him toward a more secluded area where you could tend to his injuries. He hummed in response, a low, appreciative sound that resonated through the still air.

Toji smirked as you and Sukuna headed to a more secluded area. He leaned down to whisper something in Yuuji’s ear. "Yuuji, I have a favor for you."

Yuuji’s eyes lit up. He agreed happily, keeping the secret for now.

Once alone with Sukuna, you began to gather the necessary supplies to tend to his wounds. The room was quiet, save for the soft rustling of bandages and the occasional clink of medical tools. The atmosphere was heavy with unspoken words, the air thick with the tension between you.

“You know, I’m a pro fighter now.” he teased, his voice dripping with mischief. “So I’m at least expecting a pro medic to help me out.”

You pouted playfully, dabbing antiseptic on a nasty cut. “I’m a med student. Isn’t that enough?”

Sukuna was taken aback for a moment. “A med student, huh? That actually suits you. You were always tending to my wounds after fights back then. Guess it’s not much different now.”

You smiled, touched by his words. “Yeah, I suppose it’s not. Though I hope you’ve learned to avoid getting into so many fights.”

He chuckled, the sound deep and rich. “I’m a fighter, remember? It’s kind of my job now. I even got myself an assistant, see them there?”

You rolled your eyes affectionately, wrapping a bandage around his hand. “Still, you could be a little more careful. I’d hate to see you get seriously hurt.”

This conversation felt like Deja vu. 

"Don't worry, I knit during my free time."

"NO."  

"I'm kidding, woman. Gosh, gullible as always." he chuckled, shaking his head. "But I cook."

"You can actually cook now?" you asked, coming off a bit condescending unintentionally.

"Well, duh, what do you take me for?" Sukuna shot back, a smirk playing on his lips. You were pleasantly surprised.

The both of you sat in silence for a moment.

"You were always good at patching me up after."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you at his words. "I guess old habits die hard." you replied, carefully cleaning a cut on his cheek.

As you worked, Sukuna watched you intently. "You know," he said softly, "I never thought I'd see you again."

You met his gaze, your hands pausing for a moment. "Well, I'm just glad we're back in business again. You kicking ass and me making sure yours doesn't get kicked. It's been too long, I don't intend to part from you again."

Sukuna leaned in closer, and he reached out to gently touch your cheek, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Then let’s make sure we never do.”

You finished tending to his wounds, and he looked at you with a soft smile. "Thanks." he said, his voice carrying a depth of gratitude and affection.

You nodded, feeling a lump in your throat. "Anytime, Ryo."

When you finished patching Sukuna up, he stood and stretched, wincing slightly but looking much better. "Now, how about I take you out and grab some food? My assistant reserved a place"

You smiled, feeling a flutter of excitement. "That sounds great. But what about my friends? I feel a bit guilty for leaving them."

Sukuna nodded. "They can come too after I get cleaned up and changed. What about you, Toji?"

Toji approached the two of you, smiling warmly. “I’d love to join, but I’ve been longing to see Megumi and my wife. I should head home.”

“Of course, Toji,” you said, grateful for everything he’d done. “Thank you for everything.”

Toji nodded and patted Sukuna on the back. “Take care, Sukuna. And you,” he turned to you, “don’t be a stranger. Visit us sometime.”

As you headed back to find Shoko and Haibara, Sukuna made a point to thank Toji. “Thanks for everything, Toji. See you soon.”

You both made your way back to where Shoko and Haibara were waiting. Toji, with a knowing smirk, said his goodbyes and headed off, eager to reunite with his family. Sukuna turned to Haibara. "You guys can follow us in your car. She'll ride with me."

Haibara looked between you and Sukuna, a mischievous grin forming. "Alright, sounds good. See you there!"

Shoko gave you a thumbs-up. "Don’t worry about us. We’ll be right behind you." You swore you could've seen them exchange suspicious glances at each other, like how you and Shoko would usually communicate with your eyes. 

Sukuna led you to his car, a sleek, black vehicle that screamed luxury. He opened the door for you, and you slid in, feeling the smooth leather beneath you. He got in on the driver's side and started the engine. The night air was cool and refreshing, a perfect backdrop for the unexpected turn your evening had taken. The drive was quiet but comfortable, filled with the soft hum of the engine and the city lights flashing by. Yuuji, who had been playing a round of Overcooked on his Nintendo Switch, eventually dozed off in the back seat, his head resting against Uraume–the boy was probably drooling on them, but they seemed unbothered. He was probably tired of repeating "Are we there yet?" to Sukuna.

“I've missed this.” Sukuna began, glancing over at you as he drove, “Just being with you.” He reached over, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before returning it to the steering wheel. 

"I’m glad you’re here.” You said quietly. You glanced at Sukuna, taking in the familiar features you hadn’t seen in so long. It was surreal, almost dreamlike, to be here with him again.

When you arrived at the restaurant, Sukuna handed the keys to Uraume and guided you inside. The place was cozy yet elegant, with a warm ambiance that made you feel instantly at ease. A waiter led you to a private table, and shortly after, Shoko and Haibara joined you, eyes wide with amazement at the upscale setting.

During the dinner, the atmosphere was filled with laughter and the sound of clinking glasses. The restaurant was cozy, with dim lighting that made the space feel intimate. You, Sukuna and Uraume sat at one end of the table, while Shoko and Haibara occupied the other–Yuuji in between them. As the night progressed, you found yourselves reminiscing about the past.

The dinner was filled with jokes and stories, with the discussion going smoothly. It was reminiscent of the past, but also filled with the delight of new moments forming. The unexpected reunion that had brought so much happiness made you feel thankful for the way things had unfolded.

Throughout the night, you couldn't help but steal glances at Sukuna, feeling a sense of warmth every time your gazes locked. It was evident that this was just the start, a fresh chapter in your lives that you were excited to discover alongside each other.

Uraume, Shoko, and Haibara, however, sensed something else going on between you two.

"Remember that time in high school when I got stood up?" you began, taking a sip of your drink. "And the guy who stood me up mysteriously couldn't attend classes the next day because he got jumped by someone?"

Sukuna smirked, though his eyes betrayed a flicker of guilt. "Oh, really? Sounds like he had it coming." he said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"And that someone was you, Ryo," you added, looking directly at him.

Sukuna scoffed, shaking his head. "No idea what you're talking about," he said with a smirk, though his eyes suggested otherwise.

"Sure, sure." you replied, rolling your eyes. "You're going to keep denying it, but I know it was you."

He laughed, "Pure coincidence. I had nothing to do with it."

It was a sweet, if somewhat over-the-top, gesture that he would continue to deny to this day.

Everyone else at the table was equally engrossed in their own conversations, learning more about Yuuji. Unlike Sukuna in his youth, Yuuji was an undeniably good kid, earning praises from everyone.

"And my teacher said I was the goodest boy in the world." Yuuji announced proudly, his eyes shining.

Sukuna rolled his eyes and groaned. "You're still the brattiest to me. Teach's lying."

"You're just jealous."

Yuuji stuck his tongue out at Sukuna, who just chuckled and ruffled the boy’s hair. Shoko and Haibara looked on with amusement, clearly enjoying the dynamic between the two.

You also learned a bit more about Uraume, Sukuna’s assistant. They’ve been working for him for a few years now. Started out as someone who could deal with his paperwork but they've become indispensable.

Throughout the evening, you and Sukuna were noticeably touchy. His arm would find its way around your shoulder, and your head would rest against his chest at times. It was natural and unspoken, yet it drew knowing looks from everyone else at the table.

-

After dinner, everyone gathered outside the restaurant to say their goodbyes. The night air was cool and crisp, a refreshing change from the warmth of the restaurant.

"You comin' with?" Haibara asked, looking back at you with Shoko by his side.

Sukuna glanced at you, a silent plea in his eyes. He didn't want to part ways just yet; he wanted to be the one to take you home. 

"I'll be there in a bit." you replied, smiling at your friends.

As Haibara and Shoko waved goodbye and walked towards their car, you turned to Sukuna. The two of you exchanged contact information, a simple act that seemed monumental considering how long it had been, a small but significant step you should have taken years ago.  Along with the contact info he provided, he also gave you Uraume's and Toji's in case he was unreachable.

"I followed you on your socials, by the way." you said with a grin. "Malevolent Chicken or something along those lines on IG, here–" 

Sukuna raised an eyebrow. "Huh, last time I tried searching for your name online, I couldn't find a thing."

"Were you... stalking me-?

"Don't get any ideas, you did the same." 

You laughed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures." Saving his phone number, you told him, "I'll keep in touch."

"Yeah, you better." Sukuna scoffed, but his eyes were soft as he pulled you into a hug. "I will too."

In his embrace, you felt a wave of emotions. This was a moment you had longed for, a reunion that felt both comforting and exciting. You looked up at him and smiled.

"See you soon, Ryo."

"See you soon."

"Be kind to Yuuji, hm?" you added softly, sensing that there was something more Sukuna hadn’t shared yet.

"I'm probably the only family he has for now. Though, there is Toji and-" he said, his voice low and serious.

"Count me in." you replied without hesitation. He decided to save this conversation for another time.

You pulled away from the hug and waved goodbye, walking towards Haibara and Shoko.

"Text me once you get home." He called out. 

As you left, Yuuji looked up at Sukuna mischievously. "Do you have a crush on—"

"Shut up or you'll end up like Geto. Saw how I beat him?"

“Ooooh! You do like her!” Yuuji’s teasing voice cut through the night air. "You have to rizz her!"

"What the fuck is a 'rizz'?"

"Uhhhh… Whatever! You should kiss her and get married!"

“No, ew.” Sukuna grimaced as he pushed Yuuji’s face away, shuddering when the boy licked his hand. “Oh, you disgusting piece of—Ugh.” He muttered, taking Yuuji and heading back to the car. 

"Uraume, can you drive? Let's go home. Something's wrong with this kid." Sukuna said as Yuuji clung onto his legs. The kid is fearless, he's gotta give him that.

"I, for one, think there is nothing wrong with Yuuji." Uraume commented. If they didn't know any better, they would say he was smitten with you.

-

As the car journeyed through the night, you gazed out the window, lost in thought. The city lights flickered past, each one a blur of movement and color.

“That went well.” Shoko remarked, breaking the silence.

“You think he has a girlfriend?” Haibara asked, curiosity evident in his voice.

You softly laughed, a nostalgic smile forming on your lips as you considered the idea of Sukuna having a girlfriend. It was nearly impossible to imagine, considering his mysterious charm and how he appeared to linger just beyond grasp. During your youth, Sukuna was the ultimate symbol of captivating charm– a powerful natural force that attracted admiration everywhere he went. 

He always caught people's attention with his impressive presence, and he was definitely well-liked, receiving numerous affections–even if he was rude and reckless. However, despite the attention from admirers and sporadic dates, none of his relationships ever appeared to have much depth or lasting power. They were resembling quick bursts of light that flickered and disappeared instantly after appearing. The concept of him settling for someone who could genuinely hold his elusive heart, felt almost like a whimsical fantasy.

“Huh, I’d probably get into a relationship before he does." you scoffed, half in jest.

“Easy, girl. You’re saying this as if you don’t spend 20 hours a day studying.” Shoko pointed out, her tone both teasing and concerned.

“In my defense, I took the first step of getting out of my academic bubble!” you countered, pouting.

You leaned back in your seat, feeling a sense of accomplishment wash over you. You had done more than just the first step. You downloaded social media, watched a live fight, and reunited with your best friend after so many years.

You smiled to yourself, thinking you deserved a lot more credit for breaking out of your shell. 

As you looked out at the passing city lights, your thoughts drifted to Sukuna. The idea of him having a girlfriend didn't seem so impossible after all. As a prodigal fighter with a charismatic presence, it was only natural that he would attract attention and possibly even be involved with someone romantically.

The more you thought about it, the more you realized just how much you had missed out on over the years. Your knowledge about Sukuna’s current life was fragmented at best. You knew little about his personal affairs, his love life, or even his daily routines. The gaps in your understanding made you curious to catch up.

Lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t noticed that Haibara had been talking to you. “–Right? Yo, you good there?” Haibara’s voice broke through your reverie.

“H-huh? Oh, yeah. Whatchu say again?” you stammered, trying to refocus.

“Hmm, nothing important...” Haibara replied, his tone carrying a hint of curiosity but dropping the subject.

You nodded absentmindedly, the questions about Sukuna’s life swirling in your mind as the car continued its journey through the night.

Haibara and Shoko exchanged knowing glances, their faces lighting up with mischievous smiles. “Hmm…” they hummed in unison, their eyes locking as they communicated silently.

Shoko’s eyes narrowed playfully. “She might be whipped for him.”

Haibara raised an eyebrow, his grin widening. “It’s probably the other way around.”

“No, no. What if it’s both?!?”

Caught off guard, you glanced between them. “Are you guys communicating with your eyes? Shoko, I thought that was our thing!”

Haibara chuckled, her eyes dancing with amusement. “No, no. It’s also OUR thing,” he teased, glancing at Shoko.

You threw your hands up in mock frustration. “I feel betrayed.”

"Just discussing how cute you and Sukuna are together."

"More like how both of you are completely smitten," Shoko added, winking at you.

You rolled your eyes, a small smile playing on your lips. "You two are ridiculous."

"Ridiculously right." Haibara quipped, earning a laugh from Shoko.

You shook your head, finding their assumptions about you and Sukuna absurd. "You two can't be serious. Falling for Sukuna? That's just ridiculous."

"You can't just touch each other like that and expect us to think you're 'just friends'," Haibara insisted.

Shoko nodded in agreement. "Yu, your wording is all over the place. You make it sound like—"

"Okay, sorry, sorry, but you get my point!" Haibara interrupted.

You scoffed at their words, rolling your eyes.

"Yu, focus on the road," Shoko said, gently reminding him.

Haibara glanced at you in the rearview mirror. "Think about it like this: would you think that me and Shoko are 'just friends' if we acted the same in front of you?"

You hesitated, trying to find the right words. "But Ryo and I are indeed 'just friends'. We've gone on separate dates and—"

"None of them lasted!" Shoko pointed out quickly.

"Oh, please," you retorted, feeling cornered.

Haibara leaned in, his tone softer yet insistent. "Then is Sukuna like a brother to you?"

You paused, considering his question carefully. "I wouldn't say yes, but I wouldn't say no either."

"Because it's weird!" Shoko concluded, her voice tinged with triumph.

You let out a sigh, feeling the weight of their observations. "Fine, maybe it's a bit weird. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

"–Yet." Haibara added with a smirk.

"Come on, guys. I've been friends with him for years. I haven't seen him since my last day in high school. It's a bit odd that I'd develop feelings like that," you said, trying to sound convincing.

"Maybe give it some time," Haibara suggested, glancing at Shoko, who nodded in agreement.

They didn't want to push you, but they knew how much you had on your plate with college and everything else. If this meant you could focus on something outside your academic life, maybe you'd be able to unwind a bit.

"But y'know," Shoko added gently, "whatever your decision is, we support you."

You appreciated their support, even if you weren't entirely convinced by their perspective. The idea of developing romantic feelings for Sukuna after all these years seemed unlikely, but you couldn't deny that your recent reunion had stirred up emotions you hadn't anticipated.

-

As Uraume drove home, the rhythmic hum of the engine seemed to resonate with the storm of thoughts swirling chaotically in Sukuna's mind. The idea of seeing you in any way other than a cherished friend was inconceivable. Stupid Yuuji and his stupid little ideas.

Not in a thousand lifetimes would he ever view you as more than a best friend. 

You might be the most captivating person he’s ever laid eyes on, the sweetest and most loyal companion he could wish for, but nothing more than that. He would go to great lengths for you, spend the rest of his life with you but never see you as anything more than just a best friend.

“Hmph. There’s no way."

Even though your eyes were something that could break his very soul yet hold an affectionate gaze, 

“That’s just ridiculous.”

He brushed off the way he questioned his resolve when it came to your touch, warm and comforting on the coldest of days, 

“How preposterous.”

He won't bring himself or even learn to see you that way. 

"It's outrageous."

Because maybe, just maybe, staying friends was the best thing for both of you. It was better this way, he told himself, it had to be. It would be okay.

Taglist: (tell me if i forgot to add you)

Ask under this post or any of the chapters I'll release if you want to be added. I would be posting polls or asking readers about certain things sometimes that would possibly affect the story in a minor way so stay tuned. :) Poll in my blog! Go answer haiyaa…