#been on my mind eeekk

[kissingmensbiceps]

Thinking about Stripper!reader running into College boy!Satoru Gojo after her long night shift. You’re flipping through the green stack bills that had racked up throughout the night, when a slightly tipsy Gojo bumps into you on your way out, him not seeing you right away due to arguing with the bouncer that he is in fact over the age of 21 (he is in fact not over the age of 21 and has multiple fake IDs safely stored back home in his dorm). But, getting into the club is now the last thing on his mind, fake ID discarded somewhere on the sidewalk, being trampled by mucky shoes from the annoyed people that had been waiting behind him. You’re not really (not at all actually) in the mood to be talking to some underage boy, who seemed to be drunk just from pregaming. All that is on your mind is a hot shower to rinse off the nights dirty routine of getting paid. He has a lazy grin on his lips, and soft blue puppy eyes that make your heart melt a bit, but you learned from previous escapades not to fall into the sweet boy trap. You stuff the months rent money into your wallet before unlocking your car, but not before Gojo can messily write his number on a singular dollar bill you had dropped when you had been fiddling with your keys. Plopping it into your purse, he looks down at you with half lidded eyes, and mumbles out a soft, “Goodnight, beautiful.” Gojo stumbles off back into the street, cars honking ruthlessly as he tries not to get run over so he can make it back to the brightly lit club scene, and possibly sneak through the beefy arms of security.

[snowblossomreads]

Day 21 - Heartfelt Confessions

Pairing(s)/Character(s): Lionel Shabandar x Fem!Reader, Lionel Shabandar & OC (Angie Huang), Sinclair Bryant x OC (Amiee Huang)

Summary: In where a birthday party brings brings Lionel and [Y/n] together. Continuation of Day 11 Out of Reach and Day 19 A Helping Hand

Tag(s)/Warning(s): Smidge of jealously, pining, confessions

A/N: Eeekk we have come to the conclusion of our little story between Lionel and [Y/n]. Did it go really quickly yes LOL. But for the sake of time, we are all Angie trying to push these two together.

The reviews were in and it was a success — an absolute smashing success. That's what everyone who was someone had to say about the gala after it had concluded. And it was no surprise, considering the transformation that the country estate they rented out for it underwent to become a stunning holiday paradise. 

Everything from the food, and entertainment, to the art pieces that dazzled the wealthy partygoers was perfect. And it was all thanks to the hard work of herself, Lionel, and Angie, who [Y/n] had begun to get on with quite well. 

Without her, they would have been up a creek without a paddle, and things may have truly gone tits up if they didn't have her expertise. So, it was no surprise that [Y/n] couldn't not like the woman. She had helped save Lionel's reputation among his fellow business people, and done much heavy lifting when she had no obligation to do so.  

They, she, and Angie, had even planned to hang out after the wildness of the gala, and she'd never expected to gain a new friend out of this experience. It was nice, and she hoped that Lionel would consider her to be his next curator after she graduated from her program, as it would be fun to have someone like her to work with them. 

Even with that though, there was still this incessant gnawing at her brain that she knew was unreasonable, and it continued to put thoughts of doubt in her head.

Most of that doubt centered around where she stood in Lionel's life, as it felt like things had significantly changed throughout the weeks of working on the gala. Working late nights will have you saying and doing silly things, and there had been one too many lingering touches, one too many 'darlings', and 'loves'. Yet that was it, nothing else and she was unsure what to do about it.

In hindsight, it was quite silly considering she was currently standing with Lionel outside of his cousin's home. Though, it was more of an estate than anything. Both of them were dressed semi-formally under their winter coats for the 30th birthday party of said cousin's girlfriend, and [Y/n] found her arm tucked under Lionel's as they waited for someone to fetch them from the cold.

But hey, the human mind was a fascinating thing when it came to not seeing the obvious.

After knocking on the door, they didn't wait too long before they heard someone from inside calling out that they were coming. Within moments, the door opened and confusion suddenly hit [Y/n]  like a truck as she looked at the person who had come to let them in.

"You made it and you brought [Y/n] too! Oh! I'm absolutely buzzin' now! My new mate and Lionel," Angie cheered not noticing the puzzled look on [Y/n]'s face, as she ushered them in stating it was too cold to keep the door open. Not that she was wrong.

Once she had them in the house, she closed the door behind them and turned to instruct them what to do.

"So coats over here," she pointed to the row of coats that belonged to the other guests that were hung up on the wall. "And also shoes off over here. They have some slippers you can wear in the house," Angie continued going over to a little shoe basket and procuring some house shoes for them, and plopping them in front of the two. "Amiee'll go mad if you track dirt in after all the cleaning they did this week. We're in the conservatory, you know where that's at Lionel."

"I do, me and [Y/n] will join you all after following all the house rules."

"Great!" Giving them a grin, Angie pottered down the hall and into a room before disappearing from their sight and leaving them to sort themselves out. 

"[Y/n]?" Lionel called to the woman who was still dazed and confused at the sudden appearance of Angie who she had no idea would be here.  It was nice to have another friend suddenly show up, but it was also very puzzling because from what she knew, Lionel and she ran in very different circles so this was becoming a bit of a mystery.

"Darling are you there? You're zoning away, " Lionel pointed out as he went behind her, his fingers grazing her shoulders and bringing her back into the present. "Here let me take your coat, as a gentleman should," he purred, causing a shiver to go down her spine that wasn't from the lingering cold outside. 

He must know what he was doing.

"S-sorry a bit in my head that's all," she responded, shaking her head a little trying to clear it of the questions that swirled around. "Here yes of course." Helping him get her coat, she let out a content sigh, happy to be free of the long coat as the home was already warm enough to banish the chilly air that swirled outside.

"Everything alright darling? I see no reason for you to be 'in your head' as you put it." Lionel rumbled as he put their coats up, [Y/n] going to slip her shoes off and replacing the heels with very soft and comfortable slippers. 

Must be high quality. Everything in here seemed that way.

"Uhm…no…well erm…" She tried to find the correct combination of words that didn't make her sound insecure about their relationship. 

A relationship that felt as if it was blurring at this point between boss and employee to friends, to something else maybe. And also, she couldn't help but feel a biiiit jealous at how close he and Angie were. Which was the worst, because she never wanted to be that person. Yet here she was making up scenarios in her head that may or may not even be true. Curse human nature!

"[Y/n] are you sure you're alright?"

"It's nothing I was surprised to see Angie that's all!"

"Surprised?" Lionel responded with slightly widened eyes as he followed her lead and put on the house slippers after slipping off his polished oxfords. "What's there to be surprised about a sister attending her sibling's birthday party?"

Well, that makes a load of sense. But also, what a coincidence. Knowing that somehow made [Y/n] feel better, but also a bit silly as her cheeks warmed from the thoughts that were trying to rule her mind.

"Really! I knew she had a sister, but we had never really talked about it that much considering we were always eyeballs deep in work."

"Yes, matter of fact, it's through her sister that me and Angie became acquainted. Funnily enough, it was at an art exhibition for RCA," he explained. "A winter one at that too," he added as he offered his hand out to [Y/n] who looked at it for a second before hesitantly taking it, enjoying the warmth that came from her hand being engulfed by his larger and warmer hand. 

"Well now that we have that cleared up, I believe we should grace the others with our presence, no?"

When they entered the conservatory, [Y/n] was in awe at the numerous flowers and plants that lined the walls and hung from the ceiling. From snowdrops to camellias, to plants she didn’t know the names of, it truly felt as if they had entered a jungle in the English winter! She didn't have much time to admire though, because almost as soon as they stepped in, they were met with a loud voice calling to them.

"There you both are! We've been waiting almost all evening for you two to get sorted out there, the food's almost gone cold you know?" A bright, yet vexed voice announced as a man who bore similarities, well, almost looked identical to Lionel strolled in front of them. There was a smile on his lips and he radiated a cheery aura that even [Y/n] wasn't immune from as she smiled back. He took the small gesture as permission to continue to yap, ignoring the sigh Lionel let out which made her want to laugh.

"Oh and you brought a friend too how exciting I do love meeting new people, you're [Y/n], yes? I'm Sinclair Bryant, the birthday girl's boyfriend!" He announced thrusting his hand out to shake hers which she did.

"Hello Sinclair! I am indeed [Y/n], Lionel's executive assistant, I've heard a lot about you." She confirmed, at the man who seemed to become even more excited when she introduced herself. 

"Hopefully good things yes?"

"Mostly," she teased causing Sinclair to pout as he turned his gaze towards his cousin who rolled his eyes.

"Oh darling this isn't a work meeting," Lionel huffed as the other two broke their handshake, and she looked up at him with raised eyebrows. "Sinclair knows who you are, we've discussed you."

That was news to her. 

"You talk about me?" [Y/n] asked, the feeling of a pit in her stomach growling with each passing moment of the conversation that made her feel a bit odd.

"Yes of course, we are friends, naturally friends talk about their friends sometimes, yes?"

He wasn't wrong.

"No, I mean yes, I mean I was just surprised that's all. You talking about me, your assistant."

"Whose also a friend, darling come on now don't make me repeat it, you know how much I appreciate your advice in all things."

Their eyes met each other as he spoke, and she couldn't help but feel a bit of shyness as he gave her a smirk. Looking back at Sinclair who stared at them with curiosity after their exchange, he was quick to replace the curious expression with enthusiasm, though his words reflected his curiosity.

"Yes friends… well it's nice to have friends who give good advice and listen," Sinclair agreed, "well if you're Lionel's friend then of course you're my friend as well! That is if you don't mind?"

How very polite to ask her if she minded. And also, how could she say no to someone as friendly as him. She clearly understood now what Lionel had said about him before, comparing him to a Golden Retriever who just wanted to be everyone's friend. It was very accurate.

"Of course I don't mind!"

That seemed to brighten him up even more, and she'd go blind if he got any brighter. Which he did as something behind them caught his eyes and he began to just glow. The grin on his features turned into a smile that was soft, yet stronger than his grin, and both Lionel and [Y/n] noticed and turned around to see what had caught his attention.

When they looked, a petite woman stood behind them, her short hair curled at the ends to frame her face, and she wore a red dress that almost reached her ankles, which accented her form, yet was not too tight. The mandarin collar on the dress was accented with gold trimming and had two golden pankou knots near the bottom of the collar. 

If [Y/n] was a betting woman, she would bet this was the birthday girl and she was almost immediately proven right. 

"Amiee!" Sinclair cheered, as a rush of wind passed by them while he practically ran to the woman, who already had her arms open to hug the man.

The two watched as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, and she laughed softly, before they pulled apart, not before he kissed her though. [Y/n] had to keep in the soft 'awww'  she wanted to let out as Amiee looked at Sinclair with a warm smile.

"Clair I was gone for two seconds," she giggled as he planted another kiss on her cheek.

"I know, but it was a long two seconds, and I'm happy you're back because my stomach is grumbling."

"Only happy because you can eat food now?"

"Of course not darling, because we can eat food now," he corrected, gesturing to the both of them.

"Uh huh," her smile turned into a smirk before she turned her attention to Lionel, and [Y/n], and she tilted her head curiously just like Sinclair had done beforehand.

Before Sinclair could do the introductions, and he was ready to as his mouth was halfway open, Lionel stepped up to cut his fast-talking cousin off who frowned.

"Amiee, you look beautiful as always," Lionel greeted, as he leaned down to kiss both of her cheeks, before he turned to [Y/n] to introduce her, "this is my friend [Y/n], I thought it be nice to bring her around, especially with all the help she and your sister put in with the gala."

"Ohhh," the soft noise was more of an 'ah-ha' sound, and [Y/n]'s mind was spinning as Amiee looked at her with a shine in her eyes before she approached. "You alright [Y/n]? I'm Amiee but I'm sure you know that about now," she joked as she looked at the two men behind her, "it's nice to meet you! Angie says you're a pretty mint person and between you and me," she leaned in and pretended to whisper but made it clear she wanted to be heard. "If you're dealing with Lionel every day and he hasn't run you mad yet I agree. Bit of a snob that one."

"Excuse me I'm standing right here," Lionel pointed out a scowl on his lips as Sinclair stood next to him with the opposite expression. 

Amiee turned around; her eyes narrowed but a smirk on her face.

"I know."

"Pfft!" [Y/n] had tried to hold in her laughter, but failed, and the look of betrayal on Lionel's face was something to behold.

"You too [Y/n]?"

"I'm sorry, sorry," she tittered. "He's not a snob I promise," she defended trying to calm her laughter down as Lionel seemed to pout a bit. "He's just a little particular about things. But I just think that means he cares a lot about it you know?"

Giving her a thoughtful look, Amiee nodded at [Y/n], "hmm good point, I'll let him have that. But now that we've decided that," turning to look at the men who had been whispering to each other and pausing when she caught their attention. She announced, "all this introducing has made me hungry. Shall we eat?"

[Y/n] had never seen someone so excited as Sinclair when Amiee said that, and she had to hold back in another laugh.

The dinner was lively, to say the least. A few of Amiee's and Sinclair's friends had come to join and while she had been a bit nervous at first, [Y/n] found herself loosening up after a few drinks and enjoying listening and talking to some of the others. 

Also, the food was fantastic, which was unsurprising, as she learned quickly that the celebrating couple were very food-motivated. After the main course was cake, which had thirty candles on it, and Sinclair had tried to coax Amiee into blowing them out one by one. Which she did, until he turned around to chat, and she’d blown them out at once because she wanted to eat the cake that night. And also, not catch the place on fire. 

They chatted for a while, and during the middle of it, Lionel excused himself saying he needed to phone the office about something. When she asked if it was something she could help him with, he politely declined telling her to enjoy the party and that he be back shortly. Shortly was not short at all and during that time, Angie had also excused herself saying that she was going to check something on her sister's behalf. 

Of course, [Y/n]'s mind tried to spiral as the two left no matter how much she wanted it to not do that. Maybe some fresh air or something would help, or just a quick moment by herself. God, she wished her brain would calm down. 

"Sorry Amiee," [Y/n] said, capturing the woman's attention that had been on her cake. "Do you mind if I use your toilet?" 

"Of course, just take your first left out of here down the hall and it's the first room on the right." The woman instructed before she put a piece of cake in her mouth.

"Thank you."

"Mhmm!"

Escaping the room and following what she had been told, [Y/n] found herself moments later staring at herself in a very fancy mirror as she tried to calm herself.

"[Y/n] you are making something out of nothing, please for the love of everything can you be normal," she hissed to herself. "Just because they left the room at the same time doesn't mean anything. And if it does, what does it matter? You two aren't dating. And it's Lionel we're talking about, you know how he is, so stop being daft, please. Ugh."

The swirling negativity in her soul continued to rage though, and she let out a defeated sigh at how unreasonable her brain was being. She liked Lionel, well more than liked him, loved him really. Who couldn't once they got to know him, he was a good person. A bit abrasive on the outside, but if he liked you and was keen to let you in, it was like a whole new person. Well kinda. 

Letting out a sigh, she shook her head, turning on the faucet and splashing her face with some cold water to try and cool her face down as it had gotten warm with all the spiraling. Once she deemed she was okay, she took a breath, and promised herself that she would get through the night without any more of whatever that was.

"[Y/n]?" 

She wasn't expecting her name to be called as soon as she stepped out but it was and she turned around to find the source.

"Angie?"

From how she was facing, it looked like she was heading back to the party and had just passed the door.

"You alright love?"

"Y-yeah…I'm okay." With the way her voice cracked, and the concerned look that appeared on her friend's face, she knew that the woman didn't buy that.

"Not with your voice doing whatever that was," Angie pointed out, turning to go stand next to [Y/n] who tried to hold in the wave of sadness that was trying to wash over her. "You sure everything's alright. I wasn't gonna say anything, but you seemed a bit blue when Lionel left the room. Didn't have a row with him did you?" 

"No no! Nothing like that it's just…" Her words trailed off, and she was unsure if she should ask what she was thinking. But wouldn't it be better that way? Get the answer and instead of spiraling because of the unknown could at least know? 

"Angie can I ask you something?"

"Uhm sure."

She took a breath before looking at the woman and steeling herself for the answer, whatever that may be. 

"Do you uhm…do you like Lionel?"

"Huh?"

She really didn't know how else to put it.

"Like do you like him."

Cogwheels turned in Angie's head, and [Y/n] watched. as the woman furrowed her brow as if trying to think of an answer, but in this case she was more thinking about what had been asked. And then it hit.

"Do I- do I like- oh my god [Y/n] do you think I wanna shag Lionel?! HA!" 

Now that wasn't the reaction she was expecting.

"Oh god no! I know you have a crush on him," Angie pointed out before the other woman could protest she'd cut her off quickly. "Don't deny it, you stare at him a lot. But sorry he's a bit of a cad and not my type. Also, he looks way too much like Sinclair and I can't even imagine dating someone who looks like my sister's boyfriend. It's just ew makes my skin crawl."

"But you guys seem to get on so well! I just thought…"

Well, she sure did feel silly now and her cheeks were a bit hot from embarrassment but hey, at least she had an answer, right?

"Taking the piss out of him is the only thing I'm interested in doing to Lionel," she paused before thoughtfully adding, "and I guess working with him he knows his stuff. But, since we are here," a mischievous look washed over the woman’s face and [Y/n] could feel what was coming. "You asking me this must mean the crush isn't a just crush anymore, right?" 

No use in trying to hide it at this point. Who would have thought she would be admitting her crush on someone in the middle of someone else’s birthday party? Life sure was funny.

"Y-yeah, I just…I'm really sorry and I feel like a twat for asking and even thinking it was my business to know how you felt about him," she apologized, truly feeling upset at herself about the whole thing just because she couldn't handle her emotions. "It's just these past months I feel like I've been getting closer to him but it feels like we're dancing around something and I would like more. Well I think I would like more. But I don't even know how to bring it up with him because he's my boss and Lionel Shabandar of all people! How do you confess to someone like him that all the 'darlings', the touches that last too long to be friendly, the flirting and such drive you mad and you want to know if he likes you as much as you do or if he's just having you on?"

Her voice cracked at the end of her heartfelt confession, and she did her best to keep the tears at bay as her heart found its way into her throat. She truly wished he did feel the same way about her and maybe he did, but the rejection would kill her if he didn’t. It wouldn’t really, but she didn't think she could stay at her job if he did because it would be too damn awkward.

"Well." The rumbling of a familiar voice behind them had both women jumping out of their skin as they whipped around to find the man they were discussing. His hands were tucked in his pockets, and he wore a serious expression on his features. "For one I would never lead you on like that [Y/n]. I'm not that cruel of a man. To hurt someone I respect and love that way."

Love. Love? Did she hear that right?

"L-love?"

"Oh…Well, I think this is my cue to leave," Angie whispered with a grin, giving [Y/n] a quick hug and a, “good luck." Before she hightailed it out of the hallway. 

As soon as she was out of sight, Lionel stalked up to [Y/n] who stood in place, still in shock from his sudden appearance and confession. She didn't hear that correctly, did she? 

Certainly not.

"Yes, [Y/n] love," he affirmed, clearing any doubt that she had in her mind. "The touches, the words," he murmured, his hand trailing up her arms, as he spoke, causing her to feel weak under his touch, "the late nights that you work where I want to send you home but enjoy you being with me, all of it darling. Love. Have I made it clear now?"

Blinking at him, and just staring at him silently for a moment as her brain processed everything he said, she nodded slowly. The pit in her stomach turning into something warm, and her heart no longer in her throat but beating wildly in her chest. 

He loved her. Lionel Shabandar loved her. And she had to do everything to keep from crying with joy. 

"I…I love you too," she squeaked out as she felt his hands find her waist, holding her firmly as he narrowed the space between them. Him hovering over her, staring at her with hazel eyes that twinkled even in the dim hallway light.

"Now, that we have cleared that up," he purred lowly, lowering his face so that his lips brushed against hers. A warm tingle filling them. "May I kiss you because I've so been wanting to that for month's now." 

"Yes, please."

And so he did.

[nottsangel]

yum yum yum new girl au drabble yum yum yum. thank you, mother, this depraved child of yours has been nicely fed 🙏 ❤️

but bcosbsiha, there's no actual sex yet it was so dirty (and hot 🔥🔥)!!! the three of them really live up to the title of pervy roommates 😩 they're so nasty and unfiltered and they're definitely proud of that

poor reader will have her pussy obliterated AND her mind fried from all the nonsense they love to sprout - 🍯 anon, again in love with your dialogue (i swear you could write a dialogue-only drabble and i would still devour it like my life depends on it)

EEEKK THANK YOUUUUU (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ im having so much fun with writing dialogue!!! especially in this au !!!! i love writing like SMUT smut too but it was getting kinda repetitive n lowk boring to just write ‘he sticks his cock inside a vagina and woohoo they both cum hard’ so i’m enjoying this a lot n makes me so happy that other ppl like it too !!!!!!

[porkcutletbowl44]

I just read chapter 14 and I'm in love with your writing😭💞

I really didn't know I needed to read a fic like that until I read it, and honestly it's one of my favorites in the CoD fandom. I love especially the way you write Keegan, it's fucking hard to find a good fanfiction of him💔 and I also love the way you wite mama. Usually I don't like reader x canon(I usually get mad at reader's actions cuz they're usualy the complete opposite of what I'd do) but this time it's probably one of the first that I actually can see myself in her place.

Btw I really hope Keegan's endgame, I genuinely get mad whenever Ghost's in scene. Like, rude you're engaging with another woman and suddenly asked for divorce, you can't be mad at mama for not wanting to be near you or for interacting with Keegan😞 I want to slap him so bad. I'm also eager to see Ghost's reaction when he finally realizes he lost mama.

Like idk, maybe she gets kidnaped by that guy who's hiding in UK(I forgot his name💔 but it's the guy that TF141 and the Ghosts are looking for) thinking that she's still married with Ghost(like to threat him??? IDK I JUST WANT GHOST TO BE MISARABLE😭). And when they finally find her, instead of reaching for him like he'd have expected, she reações for Keegan. I'm just itching to see reality finally sinking into his mind, I want so bad for him to see that she no longer needs him, that she doesn't want him anymore and that another person(Keegan my beloved💞) took his place. I need to see this man regreating every single choice he made in the last 4 months.

Anyways, I really love your fic and I hope you have a wonderful week❤ and sorry for any typo I made, English isn't my first language and recently I've been mixing Spanish with Portuguese with English AND with another language that I started learning recently👎

The asks took me awhile to answer because I just noticed I have reached 300 kudos and THIS LOVELY ANON RIGHT HERE BOTH MADE ME UGLY CRY (happy tears of course 🥹)

I'm so glad I could grab your interest with my fic!!! When I don't find something I specifically want to read, I cook my own shit (hence the Simon x Goth!reader because I never see goth in fics) ((AND SOME X READERS SO IRK ME TOO I FEEL YOU THERE))

I am trying to not lean towards the predictable cliche things that tend to happen in fics (even though they are absolutely amazing and I eat it up no matter what) I HAVE THINGS PLANNED, AND WHILE THEY ARENT FULLY PLANNED THERE ARE THINGS HAPPENING IN MY BRAIN!!

(Also, I hope you have a steady learning of English! Your ask was very legible and so sweet and kind 🥹🫶🏻)

THANK YOU FOR THIS EEEKK 🫶🏻💛

[armysantiny]

NOT ME SCREAMING AND CRYING AH 🤭 I can’t wait for more EEEKK

I know what you mean about fleshing out characters I’ve been fleshing out my characters since middle school and someone of them just kinda write themselves-

I got some fluff planned for today~ that I started writing a couple days ago! And then 2 things of angst~ but those ima spread out! Hehe

Ooo hit me with that fluff!!!! Imma need it after all the heavy angst-filled world building I'm doing lol

RIGHT?? At this point, they take a mind of their own and I'm sure these plot posts just create themselves 😅

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

Cooking class

Word count: 2109     

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Natasha x gn!reader

Warnings: Very minor injury (let me know if I need to add more)

Request: Hey! I saw your post for a request and this idea popped into my head. Y/n is a fantastic cook, they can do everything right and make great food all the time, while Natasha usually sets towels on fire when they try. Y/n suggests that Natasha enrolls in a cooking class, and does it with them so Natasha doesn't feel so bad. Y/n ends up rewarding Natasha with little kisses and 'good job!'s for the things they do well in class, and eating bits and pieces of the foods they mess up to prove that it's still edible and they're learning

Summary: Natasha is a horrible cook so reader takes Natasha to a cooking class.

A/n: So this was an anon request so I hope whoever requested this likes it! Also this is the second fic in two days which may not seem like a big deal but I actually feel productive for once. Anyways I hope everyone enjoys and I hope to finish some of my other requests soon in case anyone is wondering, and I’m always open for new requests. 

Natasha let out a frustrated sound so you looked over, trying not to laugh at your girlfriend but failing spectacularly. 

“It’s not funny.” She whines looking over at you with an annoyed expression.

“Sorry love,” you respond, “keep going I promise not to interrupt again.” She narrows her eyes at you but turns back to her task. She’s preparing some pizza dough that she is going to use later on in the class and honestly you never thought someone could mess up on pizza dough that much. There is dough literally everywhere, the sink, counters, floor and even her face. The most funny thing however is how she is completely covered in flour from when she opened the bag wrong and it flew into her face. Surprisingly she agreed easily when you had suggested the idea, because she wanted to help out in the kitchens sometimes but she was banned from everything but the toaster for a reason the avengers called the pie incident but refused to speak further on when asked. 

You glance back over at her to see how it’s going and although everything still is a mess it seems like she has managed to combine all the ingredients properly into a ball and is now kneading it. You step towards her and give her a hug from behind, not caring that flour was now getting all over you as well. 

“Good job Tasha,” you whisper in her ear. You pull back and when you look at her face you see a slight hint of a blush. She rarely blushes but you always find it so cute when she does so you decide to make it your personal mission to get her to blush as much as possible today. She is just setting aside the dough to rise when the instructor speaks again. 

“I see that most of you have already finished, or are just finishing up with your dough and setting it aside. From what I can tell it looks like everybody is doing well so far, however before we can continue everybody should make sure their workstation is clear.” As he says the last part he seems to look mostly at your workstation as well as the one diagonally in front of you, which are by far the two most messy. 

Natasha starts clearing up the station while you brush as much flour as you can off of your clothes and wash your hands. As she continues to clear you grab a wet cloth and gently wipe down her face and arms to get rid of all the dough and flour. It takes awhile for the both of you and your workstation to be clear and once it is you realize everybody else is finished and waiting for you. 

“Ok now that everybody is done,” this time he obviously glances your way, “we are going to prepare some of the toppings for later. This part shouldn’t be hard so just follow along with the recipe and ask for help if you need it.” Natasha picks up the recipe and you read over her shoulder. 

“How about I help you with the topping but you do most of it?” You ask her. “We’ll both help cut up the peaches and make the balsamic sauce. This class is meant to be teaching you and not me after all.”

“Sounds good,” she replies while taking a peach and placing it on the cutting board. She starts to chop but she keeps slicing way too thick at the top and way too thin at the bottom. You giggle slightly and she narrows her eyes at you scowling and puts down the knife.

“I’m not laughing at you Nat, I promise.” You explain. “Well I am but can you blame me? You are a crazy good assassin that probably can kill me easily with that knife in many different ways yet you can’t cut a peach properly.”

“I still don’t see how that is funny.” She huffs but with a hint of a smile. 

“I’m sorry, here let me help you.” You grab her hands and guide them into making steady cuts. When the first peach is fully cut up you step back again. 

“Why don’t you try to do the next one on your own?” You suggest. She nods and starts to cut seeming a little unsure of herself. While it’s not perfect it’s much better than the first time so when she finishes you let out a small cheer and kiss her on the cheek. She gives a hesitant smile which you’ve learned means she feels good about herself but doesn’t know how to express it properly. You cut the rest of the peaches in silence, her slices gradually getting better. 

“You’ve already improved so much!” You praise her, your heart melting when you see her smile and blush. “Why don’t you try the next part on your own?”

“Ok,” she answers, “I think I can do this part.” She starts mixing a few of the ingredients for the balsamic glaze and you, thinking she had it under control, start to glance around because you want to see how the others in the class are doing. 

“Eeekk!” You hear Natasha squeal so you quickly look back over at her. The glaze is splashed all over the front of her and splattered all over the counter. 

“What happened?” You ask, this time managing to only laugh inwardly as to not offend her.

“I thought if I mixed it as fast as I could the ingredients would combine faster,” she states, “but then this happened.” 

You fight hard to keep your straight face, “Tasha, love, that’s not how cooking works.” 

“Well I know that now.” She responds in an annoyed tone. 

“I know and it’s okay, you can just redo it while I clean this up, does that sound good?” She nods and starts finding the ingredients she needs again while you take some paper towel and clear up the counter. Unfortunately you can’t do anything about the mess on Natasha’s shirt but luckily she purposefully wore a shirt she didn’t mind getting messy. 

“Everybody should be just about done by now,” the instructor says, gathering the attention of the class, “Right now I want you to put flour on your counters and start to split your dough up to make the flat breads. Then you can put some topping on and pop them in the oven, make sure not to burn them.” The rest of the class immediately gets to work but before you or Natasha can start the instructor comes up to you.

“I’m sorry to bother you but I’ve noticed that you’ve been having some trouble, so don’t be afraid to ask for any help,” he says, “it is my job.” Natasha is obviously not pleased by what he said and scowls at him, opening her mouth to speak.

“Thank you, we will.” You say quickly before Natasha says something rude. He nods and turns away to go back to the front. 

“I wasn’t doing that badly.” Natasha states. 

“Don’t worry about it, let’s move onto the next step, why don’t you preheat the oven?” You respond to her, avoiding her statement because she really was doing ‘that badly’. She grabs the flour and opens it, this time making sure that she doesn’t get it all over, and then starts to put it on the counter. Meanwhile you get the dough and split it up into two pieces, one pizza for each of you. 

“I’m going to be bad at this part.” She says with a small frown.

“No, no, no, don’t say that Tasha,” you rush to encourage her, “this part is the best part because it’s so fun, and it’s impossible to mess up!” 

“If you say she.” She says doubtfully and you laugh. Both of you get to work, at first just playing with the dough in your hands to get a feel for it and after that using a rolling pin to flatten the dough. When you’re finished you take a step back to admire your work.

“Huh, it doesn’t look that bad.” Natasha decides. 

“It looks amazing, I knew you could do it Tasha!” You exclaim while hugging her side and pressing a few quick, light kisses to the side of her neck. 

“I mean it’s not a huge deal.” She blushes. 

“Still, it’s pretty good,” you tell her, “but now we need to focus on putting our topping on.”

She giggles. “You say that like it’s something that requires a lot of thought.”

You gasp dramatically. “Ms. Romanoff, the presentation is the most important part of the dish, it requires a lot of attention to detail.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how I forgot!” She plays along. “Why would the actual cooking part matter when you can focus on making them look good?”

“Exactly.” You tell her before both of you get to work, putting all the topping on the flatbread.

As much as you joked about it you tried to make yours look as good as possible and when you were done although it didn’t look perfect you were satisfied with how it looked. At least until you glanced over to see how Natasha did. 

“How did you manage to make yours look like it should be in a cookbook?” You ask her, truly amazed by how pleasing it looks and not even knowing how she can make something as average as topping look like art. She just blushes and shrugs, pleased with herself but not wanting to admit it out loud. 

“Anyways we should probably get them in the oven now because it looks like others are starting to.” You tell her.

“Of course, I’ll put them in!” She replies quickly, transferring the flatbreads onto two trays and shoving them in the oven. You lean over after she shuts the door and set the timer but when you look back at her and smile, you see she is standing by the sink with the water running over her hand. 

“Tasha are you ok?” You ask, immediately rushing over to her.

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just a small burn.” You examine her hand and it doesn’t look as small as most burns people get from cooking but then again Natasha gets injured all the time so this probably isn’t a big deal to her. 

“Ok, but just make sure to take care of it.”

“I will don’t worry, I swear I’m the only one on the team who actually knows how to take care of themself sometimes. Remember the time Tony forgot to eat and collapsed?” You laugh at what she said. Although in the moment it was scary, in hindsight it was a funny story to tell. 

The two of you keep bringing up old avengers moments and exchanging mission stories until you hear the timer beep. Everybody seems to have put their flatbreads in at the same time because there must be at least ten timers going off and it’s so loud you can’t even think. Luckily Natasha doesn’t seem to have the same problem because she grabs oven mitts this time so she doesn’t burn herself again and pulls the flatbreads out of the oven.

Her face falls when she sees them. The one on the top shelf, although somewhat crispy looking, seems fine but the one on the bottom shelf is practically black on the bottom.

“How did this happen?” She asks. You take a moment to think because the only way it could have happened was if Natasha had preheated the oven to the wrong temperature but you don’t want to discourage her. 

“Well maybe you accidentally set the wrong temperature,” you tell her gently, deciding to be truthful, “it doesn’t matter though, because it still looks great!” She attempts a smile but looks thoroughly unconvinced. In order to try to make her feel better you grab the knife from earlier and cut a tiny piece off the edge. Your first instinct is to make a face when you put it in your mouth because it really does taste bad but you smile through that. 

“See Tasha? It’s fine.” 

“Y/n, it’s ok I know it’s bad and while I’m disappointed I’m not upset,” she says, “thank you for trying to cheer me up anyways.”

“Ok, fine I have to admit it was pretty burnt. But the other one looks good and besides I’m sure whatever we make next week will turn out better.” Her eyes widen and her mouth opens and you laugh at her. 

“Next week? Y/n, we’re doing this again next week???”

[wingedchildqueen]

Thunderstorm Kisses

Well my god. I wrote this five years ago, under my old tumblr account that I deleted by mistake and thought I had lost it forever, as I had also lost the laptop I typed it on. I suddenly remembered the name of it and took a chance searching it up and what do you know. Tumblr aint completely useless. The post still exists even though the account is dead. This is a dead fandom, I’m quite aware but I’m posting it here for documentation sake and for any lucaya fans who may be still floating around on this god forsaken platform. Much love and happy reading. P.S My writing has gotten better since this was written (God I hope) lol but I have not edited or altered anything because I think my 18 year old self's writing style should be left as it is for the sentimentality of it all. Warning: This is so cringy, cheesy and teeny boppy (if that's a thing) eeekk

He’d always wondered what she tasted like. If her kisses would be as electric as the thunderstorm in her eyes.  He knew it was wrong to have these thoughts when he had been in a relationship with her best friend for almost two years, and he loved Riley, he really did. But when this girl  was always in his face , challenging him, teasing him and threatening him relentlessly, all he could do was stare down at this raging blond fury, and over time he happened to notice that she had the pinkest lips he had ever seen, almost perfectly shaped, with a permanent smirk that was always directed at him and he began to wonder what they tasted like.

He would catch himself thinking about her at the most random times. Strawberry lips and sunshine hair would flood his mind and afterwards he would hate himself for it because he knew he should be thinking about warm chocolate eyes and chestnut hair, but it was hard to do that when a sea of electric blue always invaded and washed away these thoughts.

After almost two years of letting her verbally and physically abuse him, he had finally begun to fight back. Not because he was sick of it, or because he wanted to hurt her, but because he knew she liked when he did, and he would do anything to see that fire in her eyes intensify. The first time he had actually fought back, by responding to one of her verbal jabs with a very clever remark in his opinion, her eyebrows had shot up in surprise and he was not sure if he should stay or run from her wrath, but surprisingly she had smiled. Though, he could not have been sure, because it had only lasted for an instant, until her face fell back to its usual smirk and she proceeded to call him one of her ever creative names in response.  He noticed that she smiled a lot, especially with Riley, but he also noticed that a lot of her smiles were always a little too hard, or with a little too much teeth and they never really reached her eyes.  He had never seen someone so committed to assuring the happiness of their best friend. She would sell her soul for Riley. Riley’s happiness was Maya’s occupation and he wished that she realized her happiness was important too and sometimes he would want so badly to tell her she was worth everything and more, and she deserved the world  but he could not do that. They would be no windowsill conversations between them, no heart to hearts because he was Ranger Rick and she was his girlfriend’s best friend. And that was that.

He found her crying one time, underneath a staircase at school. He had never seen her cry before. The school was nearly empty and Riley had had cheerleading practice.  He was not sure what to do at first, if he should just walk away and call Riley, but then a sob came from her that nearly broke his heart, and never in his life had he felt such  a need to  fix someone. She sat in the corner of the staircase, her knees drawn to her chest and her face in her hands, her hair cascading down her shoulders. Her shoulders shook and his insides hurt. He didn’t think she knew anyone was  looking at her so he called her name. She remained in the same position and he called her name again. No response. She had to have heard him. She probably thought if she didn’t acknowledge him he would eventually go away but he refused to do anything of that sort. Without a second thought, he walked towards her tiny figure and slid down the wall next to her. He felt her body tense and then put his arm around her, pulling her into him. She lay stiff in his arms but he held on. After a few minutes he felt her finally relax against him and her head fell heavily against his shoulder. Her sobs had subsided but she still shook a little. His grip tightened and he rested his head against hers. Never did someone fit so perfectly in his arms. He heard her sigh, a sigh that sounded like it was filled with so much world weariness. They never spoke of it afterwards, it was as if it had never happened and though she had never told him to, he knew he was not supposed to tell Riley that he had found her crying. It was an unspoken agreement. The only acknowledgment that he got that had proven what had happened had not been a figment of his imagination was when the very next day their eyes had locked briefly across their lunch table with Riley and Farkle in the cafeteria and she had given him a small smile. Of gratitude? He couldn’t be sure but he thinks it was probably the most genuine smile he had ever seen on her face, even though her lips had only slightly turned upwards, but no matter how small, it had gotten to her sea glass eyes.

He could feel there dynamic slowly changing. He wasn’t sure he could say they were becoming friendlier with each other but they were becoming…something more than just two teenagers who tolerated each other for the sake of a mutual friend. They no longer needed Riley to be there to feel comfortable in each other’s presence. One day, all four of them, him, Riley, Farkle and Maya, were supposed to meet at “Topanga’s” to hang out but it had just ended up being the two of them as Farkle had ditched them to hang out  with the AV club and Riley had to babysit Auggie at the last minute. He would have thought that Maya would have left to go and help Riley with Auggie but surprisingly she had stayed and it was then he had found out that she was a really good listener. Sitting opposite each other in one of the booths, with her hands clasped together on top of the table she listened as he told her about Texas sunsets, and how beautiful the horses looked when they ran together in the fields and how he had always woke up at five every morning to do things around his grandparents farm. He told her how much he missed his old home and his family  and how sometimes New York could be so suffocating with all its skyscraper buildings and millions of people. Not once did she call him a name or interrupt him as he told her, she just listened. At the end of it, it was silent for a moment and she just stared at him with her piercing eyes, as if she was searching for something in him. After a moment she leaned back and said to him,

“ Even though here might not feel like home, always remember that we will always be your family, no matter what.” She told him this without her gaze ever wavering from his face and he thinks that that was the moment he started to fall in love with her.

He began to walk her home nearly every day after school especially on the days when they all hung out till dark. The first time he did, he realized how far she lived from Riley’s house, nearly  five blocks and her neighborhood was not exactly the safest, especially in the night. The first few times she fussed about it and told him it wasn’t necessary but   eventually she realized she could not convince him otherwise and it became a pattern. No matter how much she claimed she could take care of herself he always noticed how she would draw nearer to him whenever they walked passed a dark ally or she received a random catcall from a pedestrian across the street. In those moments it would take everything he had within him to prevent himself from enclosing  her hand in his just to assure her that he was right here beside her, that nothing in hell could hurt her with him here. In those walks he found out a lot about her. That her mom changed jobs all the time and worked triple shifts and sometimes days would go by without her seeing her. He learned that her sick grandmother lived with them and that she tried to get home as soon as possible to make her dinner and watch tv with her. He got the impression that aside from Riley, her Grandma was her best friend. Her eyes always lit up when she spoke of her.

One day after almost six months of walking her home, she finally invited him inside. He could see how nervous she was as she fumbled open the door of the apartment. “It’s not much,” she had mumbled to him and he had told her he didn’t care if she lived in a box on the worst alley in New York. She laughed at that and he saw her relax a little. Her laugh was like a  drug to him, and like any addict, whenever he rarely evoked one from her, he found himself on this high. She introduced him to her grandmother who hugged him with a grip so fierce it startled him. He could have seen that she had been beautiful when she was younger. He now knew where Maya had gotten her looks from. Her grandmother had held his hand while sitting on her rocking chair and studied him for a significant amount of time, with eyes very similar to Maya’s. She then turned to Maya and announced that it was abnormal for a boy to have such a beautiful face. He laughed and then heard Maya scoff behind him. He turned to her and winked and she rolled her eyes. She walked towards the small kitchen and he swore he glimpsed a smile that she tried to hide behind her hair. He helped her make dinner, despite her refusal, and though it was only Mac and cheese, it was probably the best meal he had ever had as he ate next to her on the couch in the living room, opposite her grandmother as they watched some Spanish soap opera with no english subtitles. Though he had no idea what they were saying he laughed along with Maya and her grandmother and he thinks this was the happiest he had ever seen her.  Afterwards he stood next to her in the kitchen by the sink as she washed the dishes and he dried and in that moment he felt like this was something he would like to do for the rest of his life, not just wash dishes, but just stand next to her,  unconsciously bumping shoulders, and brushing fingers, as she passed the dishes to him, that sent shivers down his spine.

He helped her make dinner at least three times a week and her grandmother loved him. She would pass him worried looks  whenever her grandma barely touched her food, which was most nights, and he would fix the antenna on the television on the nights they tended to get a lot of static. He looked forward to these nights, more than anything else and though she would never admit it, he didn’t know how grateful Maya was for him coming. He made her nights less lonely.

One night, just after they had washed the dishes, they heard thunder rumble outside and in a few minutes there was a full out storm raging outside. They stood by the window and watched as lightning streaked the sky outside. He felt her turn her head to watch him and he met her gaze. She shrugged her shoulders and turned on her heel, heading for her room. How he knew that that was her way of giving him permission to stay the night? He wasn’t sure, but at some point they had begun to understand each other without the use of words. He stood still for a moment and eventually followed her into the room where she had already thrown a sheet and pillow on the floor for him. He told her that he could sleep on the couch but she just shook head, mumbling something about her grandma groaning in the night and he would never get any sleep on the couch.  

Later on, they lay in the dark, with him on the floor and Maya on her bed. They lay in silence and he listened to her breathing and thought of a lot of things. He thought of Riley, innocent Riley, who was probably sleeping and he felt guilty because she was so kind, and beautiful and loving and he didn’t deserve any of it as he lay on the floor of her best friend’s bedroom, her best friend who he was falling in love with one Spanish soap opera at a time. And then he thought of Maya, and everything she was, and how brightly she burned in this black and white life she did not deserve and how underneath the entire tough façade she put on at school she was just a girl trying to hold it all together the best that she could with a sick grandmother and an almost absent mother and he thought of how he so much wanted to give her a life she deserved.

He heard ruffling of sheets and then the thudding of feet landing on the floor and the next thing he knew she was lying next to him. There was absolutely no physical contact, and they both just lay there, staring at the ceiling and he could feel her warmth, so close to him, part of her hair, which was fanned out on the floor tickled his neck. He turned on his side to look at her and she mirrored him and they both lay staring at each other intently. He fell asleep  drowning in a sea of blue.

They didn’t talk about how the next morning they woke up wrapped up in each other, feet intertwined and his arms around her and her face in his neck. They didn’t talk about how they lay there for a few moments, without moving, even though they both were already awake and should have long detangled. Those things remained unspoken.

He could feel Riley beginning to suspect something. Innocent Riley who should not have to suspect these kinds of things. He wasn’t sure exactly what had made her aware of it, maybe it was the lingering glances between him and Maya in the cafeteria or the fact that Maya taunted him less and less these days or that he and Maya stood a little too close to each other by the lockers. She could feel her eyes on him at certain times, especially when they hung out together as a group and he couldn’t help but feel terrible. It wasn’t as if they had kissed or anything but he could feel Riley’s eyes burning into him and feared that she could see into his mind and see exactly what he was thinking. Maya, Maya, Maya.

He knew Maya could feel her suspicion too and they cut down his number of visits to once a week as much as he hated it. It wasn’t as if they were doing anything wrong even though, in reality they really were.

One afternoon, both him and Maya stood at Riley’s locker waiting for her to finish cheerleading practice. They had begun to laugh about something, something entirely stupid but it had him gasping for breath as he laughed and she bent over holding her stomach. They were a mess, even though whatever it was had not even been that funny. He steadied her from toppling over with laughter and she leaned against him heavily. Eventually they calmed down, leaning against the lockers with their shoulders pressed against each other. He looked at her, her hair an absolute mess and laughed, gently pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear and smoothing down the rest with his two hands. She smiled as he did this and suddenly there faces were so close to each other and he could feel her breath on his face  with the scent of peppermint and she was so close and so warm and……

He heard someone clearing their throat and there stood Riley, her hands clenched at her sides and they both straightened up. He hated being responsible for that look of hurt in her eyes. Maya looked down at her shoes and he felt sorry for her as well.  She had been trying so hard , all her life, to protect her friend from the hurt of the world and here she was, the person to hurt  her, sealed and delivered.

Him and Riley’s three year relationship ended that night over the phone with a lot of silence and sharp words from her side of the conversation. You would think after three years he would feel hurt and be mourning the loss if his girlfriend, but instead, he felt free. He called Maya but she did not answer the phone. He tried a few more times but it went straight to voicemail.

He thought that maybe she just felt bad about the entire Riley situation and that at school he would assure her that everything was alright and that Riley was not even that mad anyways, but for three days she didn’t show up to school and he felt a panic rise in him. He didn’t ask Riley because she still wasn’t talking to him and obviously Farkle, his supposed best friend was taking her side. She still would not pick up her phone and with nothing else to do he found himself walking towards her apartment after school. He knocked on her door loudly and anxiously. There was no response. Where was she? He knocked again and shook the handle only to find that the door was open. The pace of his heart increased rapidly and his palms began to sweat. Why was her door open and why did he suddenly feel so scared? He slowly pushed open the door and there she sat on the couch, in front of the television that blasted a Spanish soap opera. As familiar as this scenario was to him, he could not help but feel something was missing. Only then did he realize the empty rocking chair and the door to her grandmother’s room that was wide open showcasing  a stripped mattress and boxes on the floor for packing. Everything connected and his eyes fell back to her on the couch, knees drawn to her chest and unseeing eyes glued to the television. If he looked closely he could have seen that her hands trembled as they wrapped around her legs. He could see that she was trying desperately to hold herself together.  “Oh Maya,” he said and he dropped his book bag to the floor and made his way to the couch. He enveloped her into his arms and this time she didn’t tense but completely melted into him. She buried her face in his chest and he rested his chin on her head, smoothing his hand over her hair and she cried and shook and soaked his t-shirt with her tears. And in that moment he held her together.

He held her hand at the funeral and stayed with her at the grave until everyone else  left so she could say her goodbyes without the whole world to witness and just him, and he was not allowed to stay because he didn’t matter, but because he did. He took her for ice cream afterwards instead of them going back to the apartment to be surrounded by sad stories and the sickening smell of flowers. He tried to make her laugh and she appreciated  it even though the most she could muster was a bitter smile. They stood on the sidewalk outside the ice cream shop and he held her hand tightly and whispered to her that it was all going to be okay and she rested her head on his shoulder. Death sucked, but it sucked a little less when you had someone to hold onto.

The first time he kissed her, they were on her fire escape. They had started to sit there a lot now because watching Spanish soap operas just really was never the same anymore. He was telling her about the stars in Texas and how when you looked up at night you could see billions of them dotting the sky unlike the too bright city of New York that drowned out the night sky. They lay on their backs looking at the sky and he had challenged her that she probably could not even count twenty stars in New York’s night sky. Of course she had looked at him determinately and started to count, hell bent to find twenty-one stars, the one extra just to make him look like an ass. And of course she did count twenty one stars exactly and she raised her arms in triumph above her head and then turned to give him the most breathtaking smile he had ever seen. This smile met her eyes and lit up her entire face, and she was brighter than any Texas sky. He took her face in both his hands and kissed her.  She tasted like coffee and strawberries and Spanish soap operas and night skies and he loved her so much his heart hurt. She pulled away from him and looked at him, her eyes wide and questioning. He nodded his head in response to her unasked question and pulled her back in and his hands threaded through her sunshine hair. Her hands wrapped behind his neck and their bodies fit in  ways that was too perfect too describe.

He no longer had to wonder if her kisses were as electric as the thunderstorm in her eyes. They were. And she tasted like everything he could ever want and in her arms and lost in her lips, he knew;

He was home

[kind-wolf]

Kiss on a stick

Fandom: Rainbow Six Siege

Character:  Dominic  Brunsmeier 

Genre: general

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: ~1650

Note: This is just a little something for my lovely friend @angelaiswriting 💗

Merry Christmas!

Even before reaching the common room, she could hear the Christmas music. 

Usually she wouldn't mind someone trying to spread the holiday cheer for all the operators who would be spending Christmas on duty. And even those who don't celebrate Christmas, didn't seem to mind the music and the decorations. But she did.

Or more accurately, she minded ever since one particular colleague of hers, made it his mission to torment her.

Although torment might be a bit of a harsh description.

Dominic Brunsmeier wanted to be a little shit and use the general holiday spirit and especially one decorative item to steal a kiss from her.

The first time he smugly pointed at the mistletoe they were standing under, her quick combat reflexes helped her duck away before he could get a hold of her.

"Hey! That's cheating, " he had called after her, while her laugh echoed through the hallway as she ran away. 

She should've known that he wouldn't let it go that easily. 

That man had spent years upon years alone undercover. He knew how to play the long game. 

So for the past 3 weeks, she never walked through a door without checking for the treacherous little sprig and the german operator who never seemed too far away from it. 

She had even taken to carrying around a baton, so she could nudge the mistletoe off, whenever she encountered one. 

It didn't seem to deter Dominic though. 

He kept at it. Only grinning at her when he caught her destroying yet another trap. "I'll get you eventually Engelchen."

"In your dreams Brunsmeier," she had scoffed, even though she was sure he noticed the upwards twitch of her lips she failed to suppress. 

Another memorable moment in their game had been when she tried to throw him off with the help of Alexsandr. Everybody had already caught on to the special cat-and-mouse game, so when she asked the Russian operator for help, he immediately agreed with a big grin on his face. 

They walked to the common room together and just as expected, there was a mistletoe sneakily attached to the corner of the doorway, meaning Dominic wasn't far. 

Alex gestured for her to go first. So she did. And just when her eyes met Dom's who was leaning against a couch, she felt Alex grab her wrist to pull her back. "Not so fast Милашка. I think I get a kiss."

She didn't tear her eyes away from Dominic until she saw them widen in realization. 

She had to suppress a giggle, since Alex was already leaning down to her height.

Just as he planted a firm kiss on her lips, she heard the German in the background complain "That's not fair! That's my kiss."

When Alex released her, she was ready to reply, but the Russian beat her to it with a laugh in his voice. "I didn't know you wanted a kiss from me so badly. But don't worry. I got plenty to give."

"Fuck you, " came instantly from Dominic, who was grinning nonetheless. 

Their game went on until there weren't many days left until Christmas. 

And she could tell he was getting desperate, for the mistletoe now also appeared in random places like the stairwell or the inside of the kitchen cabinets. One was even placed so high above her locker that she had to get a ladder to get it off.

Despite the music playing, the common room was empty. Suspicious. 

She made sure it was really empty by immediately checking every corner and possible hiding place, just like she would in a combat situation. 

But then the arm around her waist and the whispered "Got you" made her stiffen. 

Damn that sneaky bastard!

She knew it was Dominic. It was hard to admit, but she had grown accustomed to the smell of him, to the sound of his voice, his barely noticeable accent, his presence in her daily life. 

The hold on her waist was strong enough for her to know she couldn't just wiggle away. Of course she could fight him off if she really wanted to, but hurting him really wasn't on her agenda for today. Or any other day if she was being honest. 

She slowly turned in his grasp and the first thing she spotted was his gleeful smile, before her eyes caught the greenery dangling right above their heads. 

"How the fuck..." she trailed off upon taking in the fact that he had really put a mistletoe on a stick so he could hold it up wherever. 

They both laughed before she bumped her head against his chest, relaxing into his embrace. "You're such a dork."

She looked back up into his face, expecting a smart retort, but was only met with his intense gaze that suddenly threatened to set her on fire. 

She shouldn't be feeling like this for her colleague. She shouldn't...

When his face slowly lowered to her own, time seemed to freeze. Not even the clattering of the mistletoe stick as it hit the ground registered in her brain, as his nose bumped against hers, his now free hand coming up to hold her chin in place. 

Her eyes fluttered shut as first his beard tickled against her skin, before he brushed his lips against hers. 

A shuddering breath left her lips, before it was cut off by his firm mouth pressed against hers. 

She responded tentatively, grasping the front of his uniform as she tilted back to meet his lips fully. He pushed closer, mouth parting slightly as he deepened the kiss. His hand slid down to her neck, still holding her in place. 

It was as if he was trying to devour her, to never let her get away again. 

The hand that was not at her waist wandered into her hair, gripping it gently. She couldn't stop herself from answering his passion with the same enthusiasm he was showing her. 

She slid her arms around his neck and pulled herself impossibly closer to him, almost moaning when her body felt his muscles even through the layers of clothes. 

The hand from her waist slid down to her backside and he cupped her ass eagerly.

Her heart was hammering against her rip cage as she tried getting enough air into her lungs between kisses while Dominic barely seemed to feel the need to breathe. 

"I'm not sleeping with my colleagues, " she managed to gasp out, after pushing herself away from him a few measly centimeters, fully aware that the willpower to stay true to her word was dwindling with every second. 

His mouth was back on hers with barely a "Mhmm," to signal he had indeed heard her words. 

"I also don't date my colleagues, " she insisted with the next gasp for air. 

Again Dominic only hummed, his hands squeezing her ass firmly to get her closer again. 

"It only gets messy, " she continued, yet not doing anything more to stop his kisses. 

She felt his grin against her lips when he mumbled a cheeky "I sure hope so."

Even she didn't know if the sound that left her in response was a groan or moan "I'm serious."

With visible effort Dom pulled himself away from her and sighed before gently bumping his forehead against hers. "Look, Engelchen... I really like you. Or I wouldn't have been that persistent about getting a kiss. And from your reaction just now, I would say you like me too."

Despite knowing he was right, she still tried to keep it together, get back to something that at least resembled professional behavior. "That doesn't chan-" 

Both hands now on her hips, he swayed them both to the rhythm of the slow music that played in the background. "Let me take you on a date. We can take it slow. And if it doesn't work out, I promise not to make it awkward."

Fuck. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to be in his arms, run her fingers along his beard, hear his goofy jokes. She knew she shouldn't though. "But..." 

The german cut her off with a quick peck on her lips. "Say yes," he whispered before pulling away again to look into her eyes. 

Her hands finally slid away from behind his neck, down to his chest. And she sighed before she playfully patted his stomach. "Alright. But I'm expecting something spectacular. You gotta blow my socks off." 

Dominic's grin put the shine of the Christmas lights around them to shame. "Trust me, it'll be so good, you'll be the one who wants to blow somethi- OWW."

Bonus:

"Eeekk! What..." before she could even get her question out, she burst out laughing, almost immediately gasping for air. 

She tried her best to see through the tears that were already gathering in her eyes, wiping furiously to get another look at Domi. 

He stood in front of her, in what was obviously supposed to be a sexy santa outfit. The red dress rimmed with white fluffy fabric way too short on his broad frame. She would almost be able to see his underwear. If he was wearing any, which she wasn't so sure about with him. To add some more flair to his outfit he had also put on a hat with blinking Christmas lights and red knee high socks. 

"I take it, I exceeded all your expectations," he asked, turning his back to her and shaking his barely covered ass. 

At first she could still only wheeze as a reaction, but she tried to get some words out anyway. "You… are… out...out… of… your mind!" 

"And you love it," he simply stated while walking up to her. 

While she was still calming down and wiping the rest of the tears off her face, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. "Does your sexy Santa get a kiss before we go and gift the others with the sight of my gorgeous legs?" 

She risked a glance down at said legs, and barely contained another laugh before looking back into his face. "Kissing Santa? I'm sure that'll put me on his naughty list," she teased. 

He was prevented from answering when she placed a hand on his bare thigh, sliding it upwards under his dress while the other gently grasped his beard to guide his lips to hers. 

[the--descension]

thank you so much! yes, me too. happy maizulee is canon, everyone :) i smiled so much when i saw the meme. tumblr can be annoying, yes. also, i absolutely love your idea and the snippet! whenever you post it i will read it. :) -chaotic good p.s. i'm super curious, what's the one thing no one has noticed?

Eeekk I'm so happy you liked the meme!! ❤️❤️

Oh my god, thank you so much 🥺🥺 That fic has been on my mind for quite some time now and there are snippets of it here and there on my notes app, so thank you for letting me talk about it!

And the one thing no one has noticed? Let's just say you'll have to wait till the story ends for me to talk about it 😏😏😏 (Full disclosure though, I would have spoken about it sooner had I not had plans to use it to foreshadow in the future too xD)

Thank you for brightening my day with your messages! I hope you're doing well 💗💗

[starkrogerrs]

you don’t have to say you love me [chapter 1]

pairing: stevetony- modern/college/fake-dating au

word count: 1.3k

warnings: fluff, profanity, angst, 20 year old being 20 year olds, cheesy cliches that make you smile

updates: fridays

summary: to stop his annoying sister from setting him up with random strangers, tony blurts out that he does have a boyfriend. only, he doesn’t. and worse, the first name that comes to his mind is steve. tall, gorgeous steve. steve, who he’s currently crushing on. will this prove to be something fruitful or is tony about to make the worst mistake ever?

a/n: thanks to @rogers-stark45 for the wonderful request that gave birth to this whole thing i swear i will finish this series if it gets 100+ notes

"This is absurd, Tony," Steve said, wringing his hands together. 

Tony sighed. He continued to pace in front of Steve, who was seated on his bed. 

"Why would you even lie about something like that?" Steve asked, looking up at him, mouth twisted in a frown. The teal flannel he had on, Tony noticed, brought out his eyes wonderfully.

That was a good question. To be fair, Tony was the last person enjoying this. He'd dug his own grave and now he had to lay in it. Or whatever the saying was.

"Because my sister wouldn't quit nagging me. I've explained this already, catch up old man,” Tony whined. 

"You could've asked her to shut up."

"Gee, why didn't I think of that?"

Steve shot him a glare. 

"You could just say you're not well and ask her not to come."

"Steve. She’s booked her tickets."

"You can say your 'boyfriend' is not well."

“For an entire month? Yeah, real smart,’ Tony said, throwing him an exasperated look.

“Okay then, tell her you broke up.”

Tony stared at him for a long moment.

"Look, I know I'm fucked but there's literally no other option."

Steve sighed, running a hand over his face. 

"But.. this is so weird!"

"I know. I know it is but I'd rather pretend to be with a close friend of mine rather than some whacko stranger who later turns out to be a serial killer."

Steve didn't reply, only gazed into the distance, thinking. 

"Never mind goody-two-shoes, I'll just ask Rhodey," Tony said after a while, bringing up his phone from his pocket. 

"No!" Steve almost yelled, causing Tony to jump. 

"What the f-"

"I mean, no, I'll do it. I don't.. want to be a bad friend," Steve said, clearing his throat. He didn't look Tony in the eye when he said this and Tony didn't quite know what to make of it. 

"Besides, I owe you one for the last time," Steve added, finally looking up at him. 

God, those eyes were beautiful. 

Tony wasn't in love with Steve or anything. It was a crush, that's all it was. A stupid teenage crush he’d developed from spending way too much time with him. Could you really blame Tony? He hung out with Steve on weekends, sometimes on college nights and in between classes. Steve had rubbed off on him and Tony just happened to find himself looking forward to spending time with him. And fantasizing about holding his hand. And sleeping with his head on his chest. And kissing him. 

So when opportunity presented itself in the form of an annoying sister, Tony thought it was a sign from heaven's above. Was it selfish? Possibly. Was he about to make an ass of himself and regret it forever? Definitely.

But no, he wasn't in love. 

"When is she coming?" Steve asked, standing up and running a hand through his hair. 

"God, I wish that were me," Tony muttered under his breath, momentarily distracted. 

"What was that?" Steve asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. 

"I said, never, if it were up to me," he answered hastily, looking away. "But I think she’s arriving on Saturday. I’ll text you."

Steve hummed, picking up his bag from the floor.

“Where are you going?” Tony asked, frowning. They’d barely spent an hour together. The moment Steve had entered, Tony had popped the question because it had been freaking him out.

“To Buck’s,” Steve answered nonchalantly, walking to the door. “See you later.”

Tony felt his heart grow heavier. 

“See you,” he muttered, more to himself as the door shut behind Steve with a soft click. Steve’s best friend was James B. Barnes a.k.a Bucky, a lanky dude who reminded him of Luke Skywalker and was every first and second year’s dream. Although Steve hung out with Tony more, Bucky had been with Steve since they were children. People had told him they were dating but every time Tony had accompanied the two, it never seemed like he was third-wheeling. Besides, if Steve was in a relationship, he’d mention it.

Right?

He texted Steve later that night, as he lay in bed, AC/DC’s “T.N.T” blasting in the background. 

She’s coming on Sunday. 28th.

He waited for two minutes, the dim glow of the screen illuminating his face in the darkness. He refreshed the chat twice but Steve didn’t seem to be online. With a pang he realised that perhaps, he was still with Bucky. He clicked his phone off.

He sat up in bed then, switching on the lampshade beside him. He switched his speaker off, and from the stack of textbooks that lay on his desk, picked a random one— "Theoretical Physics” by Leonard Lightman. Tony was studying to be a physics major and he wasn't the nerdy kind but he did adore science. He'd just read up on things and they'd make sense to him without him having to go through them twice. 

In Steve's own words, he was a fucking Genius. With a capital G. 

Just as he turned the page to String theory, his phone chimed. He leapt to it with unnecessary eagerness. He was disappointed to find that it was only his cousin, Sofia. The very Sofia who was the cause of his current predicament. 

What does your boyfriend like? I'm bringing gifts for everyone 👀

Tony groaned. Why the fuck did she have to be so extra? Sofia wasn't half as annoying as his other cousins but she could be obnoxious on occasion. 

I honestly don't know, he keyed into the textbox but then decided against it. He knew she'd pester him till she got the answer she wanted. 

He's not choosy at all but he's studying Art. 

Just as he hit send on this text, Steve's name flashed on his screen. He switched to his chat immediately, sitting up right on the bed. 

it's not like I have to meet her on Sunday right??? 

Of course not, Stevens

bucky says hi 👋

Tony smiled, laying down on the bed again. But the smile vanished as soon as he realised it was half past eleven. Wait. Why was he upset by this? They were still together— God, get a fucking life. 

Heyyy. 

you should go to bed, haven't you got like 4 tests tomorrow?? 

Tony grinned, quickly typing in a response. It wasn't a surprise that Steve remembered the littlest of things. That was Steve. When he cared for someone, he did it with all his heart.  

I do

And then, You sure you wanna do this?

Tony bit his lip as he hit send.

He had no impulse control whatsoever and the moment he'd blurted to his sister that he did have a boyfriend, he'd texted Steve. Steve, bless his soul, had come rushing to his bijou apartment and the rest was history. But that was Steve, again, selfless to a fault.

don't overthink it tony. I'd do anything for u

Tony's heart leapt a little at that and he had to breathe for a few seconds before typing in a response. 

Thank you, Rogers 

What would I ever do without you? 

Everybody knew Tony was a huge flirt but when it came to people he actually wanted to flirt with, he pulled shit like this. 

shut up and go to sleep, stark. night

Tony smiled in spite of himself, wishing him a good night as well. He clicked off his phone, sighing, only for it to ring a split second later. 

Sofia again. 

Ooooooooooh art major? 

That's hottttt

Tony's face burned as he read the text. Why? He didn't know. He wasn't actually dating Steve but the thought made him blush anyway. 

Hey, back off he's taken, he keyed in, tonguing his cheek and— What the fuck was he doing? Wasn't this situation, as a whole, morally wrong? But was it if Steve had agreed to it? He did say it was alright. 

He glanced at the time on the upper left corner of his screen. It was too late for a full blown existential crisis. He hit send on what he'd typed, trying to ignore the little flip his stomach did. 

He wasn't— couldn't be possessive of Steve; they were nothing more than close friends, even if they were going to pretend they were much more than just that. 

He shuddered suddenly realising that he might have to behave.. affectionately with Steve, to convince his sister. Oh boy. Would he have to kiss him some day? 

His phone chimed just then. 

Wooow, possessive much? Can't wait to meet him eeekk 😍

What had he gotten himself into? 

___

[please, please let me know what you think. it would mean a lot!

[dark-and-kawaii]

Itachi x Reader

Please enjoy!!! This goes along with the small Drabble I wrote a while ago!!! Quote a few of you were asking if I would continue it... So I did!!! Hopefully I did it justice!!!

Part 1. Click here

“Itachi… D-Do you really have to do this…?” Holding your hands against your bare chest, you watched as Itachi pushed his arms through his Akatsuki robe…

Itachi turned towards you, his face full of agony and despair… A sharp ping hits your chest as you stare into his onyx eyes… You weep on the inside, not wanting to cause him anymore suffering…

“____.” Ambling towards you, Itachi rested his forehead against your very own as he smiled with closed eyes, “You’ll make a fine mother with our child, i’m just sorry i can’t be here to witness it with my own two eyes.”

“I-Itachi... -”

Before you could continue with your own sentence, Itachi backed away from you and began to cough up blood…

“Itachi! Please tell me you’ve been taking the medicine i’ve been getting for you… H-How can you expect to even make it there if you’re like this… You… You’ll die before you even reach, and what if Sasuke brings reinforcements?!”

“Kisame will be there to keep them back as i deal with my little brother.”

Your eyes were glassed over and you no longer  could hold in your sorrowful tears, this was just all too much for you… For years… No…. Since childhood…  you’ve been keeping Itachi and you a secret and now… After weeks of not seeing him he attempts to get you pregnant and tells you he will see you in the afterlife…

Wiping his mouth, Itachi gathers himself and heads for the door…

…

‘T-This… This can’t be it… Please… I-It’s not fair…’  

As Itachi holds onto the door handle, before he leaves… He says his final goodbye to you with a forced smile and one lone tear…

Just as he walks out, a second before the door closes you reach out with your right hand and yell with nothing but pure emotion… “Don’t go!!!” …. As the door shuts… You fall to your knees sobbing…

Weeks have gone by… Nothing seems the same… And you had no clue whether you love was dead or not… Staring out your window, your hand resting against your cheek… You hold your stomach and prey that a miracle has occurred and that Itachi is actually on his way home…

Closing your eyes, you think back to when you and Itachi would play around in Konoha…

‘Can’t catch me!!! I’m the rogue!!!’ You stuck your tongue out at Itachi as you ran from him and jumped from building to building as he pursued you. Itachi flung one of his Kunai at you and it nearly grazed your arm… ‘EEEKK!!!’ Freezing where you were atop a tall building you hastily swirled around and stopped in the direction Itachi was… ‘You cheater and why are you using an actual weapon what if that hit me!!!’ You were stomping your feet and pointing at the kunai knife.

‘You’re the rogue and i’m the anbu though… Why wouldn’t i have a kunai knife, plus i would never actually aim for you.’ Teleporting from his spot, Itachi appeared in front of you and tapped his forehead against yours before grabbing his kunai.

‘Yeah yeah. Right. Let’s go grab something to snack on, Itachi.’

Walking side by side in the heart of Konoha with your dangos, you and Itachi were doing what children should be doing at such a young age, enjoying down time. Before you knew what was going on you heard Itachi yell out your name before being tackled to the ground…

A rambunctious cow had escaped it’s cart and was running straight towards you, and it probably would’ve killed you if it wasn’t for Itachi protecting you…

‘Someone grab that damn cow!’

‘Are you both alright?’

‘That must’ve been so scary! Those poor kids!’

‘____. ____.’

Despite all the voices going around in your ear, only one truly caught your attention…

‘I-Itachi…’

Opening your eyes, his face was a blur for a second until you blinked. Clear as day, Itachi had your tiny body in his small arms… ‘I’m glad you’re okay, ___.’

‘Th-Thank you, Itachi. F-For helping me back there.’

As you continued to peer up at him, you watched as he steadily closed his eyes and smiled, ‘I’ll always watch over you, ____.’

Opening back up your eyes, you continue to look out your window but this time with a smile on your face. Itachi’s childhood didn’t last long, but you cherish the memories you have before he became obsessed with training. He had good reasons for it, and you were honored he trusted only you to watch over Sasuke during certain days… Though, sometimes he’d still act like the overprotective brother and not allow you near him…

Chuckling at the image in your head from back then it was cut short as you heard a knock at your door.

Not even thinking you darted to your door, no weapon or jutsu ready in case it was an enemy… Just yourself and hope that it’s… ‘Please!  Be him!’

Opening your door… Your heart stopped and your breathing ceased…

….

“____…”

“K-Kisame…”

The shark mans iconic grin was nowhere to be found on his face… But instead a sulking frown…

“N-No… Wh-Where’s… Where’s Itach-”

“I’m sorry, ___. He asked me to come here once he-”

No strength left in your body, you collapse to the ground as you did the day he left…. “I-Itachi…”

By no means was Kisame a heartless guy. Getting down to your level, Kisame held out his hand to you. Lifting up your head, you saw he was holding Itachi’s necklace and Akatsuki ring,  “He’d want you to have them.”

“Th-Thank you, Kisame…” As tears ran down your cheek, Kisame wiped away one of the tears that was about to fall with his finger…

“I can’t stay, but if i can i’ll come check in on you and the child time to time. It’s the least i could do for him.”

“Ho-How did you know…”

“I have better senses than you think. I’ve got a good feeling it’s going to be a boy as well.” Standing back up, Kisame turned to look up at the sky. You could see faintly Kisame’s grin appear once more on his face… “Take an easy, ___.”

Once Kisame Teleported away from you and your home… You used your sleeve to wipe your eyes so you could slip Itachi’s ring on his necklace and place it around your neck…

Continuing to sit on the floor… Your mind was still fuzzy, you still couldn’t wrap your head around the thought of living a life without Itachi. Especially now that you’re carrying his child... Holding onto your head you mourn… Until a certain sound catches your attention…

Looking out your open door from where you sat on the floor… A crow perched on the small bush outside your home…

‘I’ll always watch over you, ___.’

As the crow caws, you hold your stomach...

“Thank you-”

~ Caw

“Itachi.”

Sitting up from the floor, you hold onto the door frame and smile at the crow before looking up at the blue sky as you continue to rest your hand on your stomach… “I know you’ll watch over myself and your son Shisui.... Itachi“

~ Love Kiwi xoxo

[coverupps]

Eeekk! This was amazing!!!! The detail and storyline just keeps getting better!!

I just am absolutely in love with how caring and attentive this man is! the way he literally woke up and got straight to working on his plan of protecting her absolute melts my heart💔 he loves his girl so much he is willing to visit two people who have only brought negativity to his life and another man who he knows nothing of but is willing to take the risk! All for her!

Those three calls did get me very excited and I’m so intrigued to see what information the three meeting will help Andy uncover. Now even tho Billy in DJ gives very scary vibes he does add to the intense atmosphere and brings out sexy “I don’t give a fuck” Andy! I am also excited to see how Neal is going to possibly change to how he is in DJ and how he will help… But BLANC!! Now I am excited to see him interact with Andy, I can see Andy maybe being a bit surprised by his personality and that accent 🥴 but I can also see them working well together and Andy being determined to get find out what he needs for his girl!

The Minute she walked into the room and he heard “a small voice” my heart broke for her💔 you can see by telling Andy she has been catapulted right back into that place of fear and suffering of ransom…but is also confused because she is almost so happy and relieved Andy knows now and she will always be protected by his safety, all Andy wants to do is keep her safe and he is so upset that she feels guilty for protecting herself.Even though most of their conversations in this chapter were emotional and heartbreaking I still loved reading them, their relationship is so full of love and care I feel as if they might explode from the amount of compassion they hold for each other💕 even small moments like him begging for her to take the day of because he knows how worn down and anxious she is shows his feelings for her, he cannot bare to see her in any sense of pain or discomfort.

I knew straight away when Andy was planning on going on his own that she would feel scared and want to be with him, but we all know Andy would never really leave her if she was truly unsafe and unprotected, I just hate how much she has changed and how Ransom and his ongoing mental abuse has taken that fun sassy personality we used to see at the beginning of their relationship❤️

However I am slightly glad that she is scared to be along because when she asked him to lay down with her I just thought THIS IS GOING TO BE THE CUTEST MOMENT EVER AND WE ARE GOING TO GET AN EMOTIONAL BUT LOVING SMUT SCENE!!! The line “I’d not think I’ve met anyone alive that’s as strong as you” absolutely killed me 😭 even though she may not feel strong and feels like a coward Andy knows deep down she is so much stronger than she believe, there is that fire in her and he just needs to make her see how much she is worth🥺

Can I love of you? YES ANDY!! OF COURSE YOU CAN, the way he quite literally does LOVE on her, there is nothing forced, nothing too fast, and nothing that isn’t full of love on both sides💕 like I have said a million times he just wants he to be safe and comfortable and that’s why he encourages her to cry, he wants her to be completely open with him and if that means crying during a a loving moment because she is so overwhelmed with come for him and fear of her past then he does not mind at all, when he told her is it okay to cry because he has her I just completely melted and I know these two are going to be so strong!

I say this every time, but once again great chapter!! The story line is so amazing and I’m always left on the edge desperate for the next chapter🤩 their relationship just keeps getting better and stronger and I can’t wait to see what’s in their future!!! Bring on chapter 13!

Consciousness Of Guilt

Chapter 12

Summary: It’s the morning after your confession, and Andy sets the wheels of his plan in motion.

Warnings: Language, Smut (NSFW, 18+). DARK, MATURE themes

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

W/C: 4k

 Consciousness Of Guilt Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 11

Keep reading

[michaelhoganus]

The Sensitive Subject of Induction With Animal Products & A Vegan Pregnancy

The Truth About Induction And Vegan Pregnancy

We all want what’s best and “natural” for our bodies and especially our babies, right? I was that woman. The moment I found I was pregnant it was goodbye coffee (yes, I did that while working a full time and sometimes stressful job), hello vegan prenatal, DHA and probiotics. Goodbye to any and all cold medicines, and hello a LOT more of that thing called relaxation!

When we got pregnant it was one of those unexpected surprises. I mean, we were sort of trying and sort of not, having the mindset of if it happens (after 5 years of marriage) it happens and well, it did. I just happened to also be in the best shape of my life, after becoming full-on vegan with almost 10 years without animal products under my belt, getting into boxing at a professional fighting gym (hello abs!) so I felt pretty darn incredible! Having a background of a slew of medical issues from autoimmune symptoms to a car accident that affected my back, I embraced my new healthy and happy feeling in life and guess what? That didn’t change all that much in pregnancy!

Yes, I was one of those people who had a pretty darn good pregnancy. I worked out with my boxing instructor until about 6 months, hardly ever felt sick, maybe puked once when I overdid it on some vegan chocolate cake and was able to nap like nobody’s business.

However, there was a scare at about my 6-month mark. We were getting really busy at work and I was getting more and more huge, and living in California the springtime can get pretty hot and I kept forgetting to stop my chats with clients and drink water. Well, wouldn’t you know it one fateful day at work I was doubled over in severe pain and having realized I didn’t feel my active kicker (his daddy was a soccer player) as much, as usual, that day, I ended up leaving to go to the hospital. They monitored me for a few hours and determined that I was a bit dehydrated and gave me fluids to get the baby going.

RELATED: RAISE VEGAN MAGAZINE 

I felt terrible sitting in that hospital bed. I was that person who was so careful and then all of a sudden,  I was in hospital terrified about my baby’s safety. But thankfully, after getting my fluids back up, and possibly some needed downtime, everything was alright. But what did change was me realizing I absolutely 100% need to put my own and my babies need far above anything else. For the next couple of months, I made sure I drank water, snacked regularly and let stress pass onto others. Even so, my doctor thought it would be good for me to take my pregnancy leave as early as possible in case any more complications arose so I did just that!

Those couple weeks off work, I felt amazing. I had this little wonder growing inside of me, all the free time in the world to nurture him, prepare for him, welcome him and educate myself on how to be the best parent ever. The closer I got to my due date the more excited I grew thinking about “when it happens” and grabbing our well-packed bags and heading to the hospital, which was only a few minutes from us. The plan, it couldn’t have been any more perfect. But that didn’t happen. I remember at the second to last OB visit she mentioned the word induction. I asked, “what’s that?” No seriously, it didn’t even cross my mind.

I left that appointment bewildered. I knew about c-section if the baby is too big, but why would someone have to be induced into labor? It was something me and my OB talked about during our visit.

I read that sometimes your body just naturally doesn’t dilate all the way to allow the baby to come out. Being less than one week away from my due date, my doctor didn’t think I was on schedule enough. I also read that with induction there are a few different ways, but sigh, they all involve some form of drugs. Controlled drugs, but still drugs! Eek. Being the determined and natural momma I am, there was no way that I wasn’t going to have this baby exactly to my well-scripted birth plan, all done on pretty card stock printed paper!

So I set out to try every trick in the book to induce labor. And guess what? It was stressful! I felt like I must be broken because nothing worked. In the days leading to my dreaded due date OB appointment, I didn’t sleep. I was a wreck. Why was this not going to plan? Did I do something wrong? Is there something wrong with my little angel vegan baby? Why, oh why is he not here yet?!

After submitting to my fate at the doctor’s office, I knew I needed one last bit of control. I pushed for my induction to be scheduled at the very latest that my doc was comfortable with and that was 8 days late. Leaving that office visit I felt like a failure.

So you better believe that for the next 8 days I walked, exercised, did the “thing” that made the baby, ate spicy food and drank every type of herbal supplement that supposed to help you go into labor and nothing worked. So when my induction day arrived I was excited, relieved, scared and nervous. But felt that after exhausting all options and myself, there must be a reason why I had to go this route. And there was!

RELATED: RAISE VEGAN MAGAZINE  

After close to 27 hours “in labor” and the mandatory drug, Pitocin running through my typically completely natural body, the nurses found out that due to a cyst I had removed when I was in my teens, scar tissue was effectively blocking my little guy from coming out. Eeekk what? Like he’s been trapped? Poor guy! Once they knew why my body was ready to go, but no baby, they and to perform a relatively quick little operation to remove scar tissue and gave me an epidural (yes more drugs, but mandatory for this procedure) and all of sudden I went from zilch dilated to a whopping 8 centimeters! It was D time, or not…

After about 2 hours I just couldn’t get to the final 2cm and the nurse who had been helping me sadly had to end her shift but was confident we would have a new baby before the 12 am hour and wished our new baby still in my tummy a happy birthday. At this point I’m not going to lie, I was terrified and doubted myself so much, but what was an I supposed to do? I literally had no control over this situation, so you know what I did? I talked to my baby and had a heart to heart with him. I told him he needs to come out now because we’ve been waiting quite long and although his comfy in there, I promise I will make him just as comfy in my arms. I apologized that we didn’t realize he wasn’t able to come out on his own and told him we can definitely do this! And you know what? I think the little guy heard me because not much later, the doctors found me almost at 10 centimeters and their fear of a c-section lessened.

But I still had a lot of work to do and asked to please hold off the c-section until the very last moment because I had a chat with my baby and I think he is ready! (I may have been a bit loopy but I really think we were both just ready!) And wouldn’t you know it, after 31 hours of labor and only about 30 minutes of pushing, my little miracle, my beautiful baby boy, was in my arms as perfect and healthy as they come.

8 months later not only is he thriving, but he is smart, silly, happy and healthy! All my preconceived ideas and, frankly, judgment about induction and epidurals faded far away. After all, I had modern science to thank for this miracle and I, in no way can ever shun that now.

Do I think it’s awful that at one point they may have tested this drug on animals? Heck yes!

Do think its gross that some of it can be derived from animals? Absolutely.

Do I consider myself any less vegan for allowing modern technology help me bring a healthy baby into this world? Absolutely not.

The post The Sensitive Subject of Induction With Animal Products & A Vegan Pregnancy appeared first on Raise Vegan.

source https://raisevegan.com/the-sensitive-subject-of-induction-with-animal-products-a-vegan-pregnancy/ source https://raiseveganus.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-sensitive-subject-of-induction-with.html

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The Sensitive Subject of Induction With Animal Products & A Vegan Pregnancy

The Truth About Induction And Vegan Pregnancy

We all want what’s best and “natural” for our bodies and especially our babies, right? I was that woman. The moment I found I was pregnant it was goodbye coffee (yes, I did that while working a full time and sometimes stressful job), hello vegan prenatal, DHA and probiotics. Goodbye to any and all cold medicines, and hello a LOT more of that thing called relaxation!

When we got pregnant it was one of those unexpected surprises. I mean, we were sort of trying and sort of not, having the mindset of if it happens (after 5 years of marriage) it happens and well, it did. I just happened to also be in the best shape of my life, after becoming full-on vegan with almost 10 years without animal products under my belt, getting into boxing at a professional fighting gym (hello abs!) so I felt pretty darn incredible! Having a background of a slew of medical issues from autoimmune symptoms to a car accident that affected my back, I embraced my new healthy and happy feeling in life and guess what? That didn’t change all that much in pregnancy!

Yes, I was one of those people who had a pretty darn good pregnancy. I worked out with my boxing instructor until about 6 months, hardly ever felt sick, maybe puked once when I overdid it on some vegan chocolate cake and was able to nap like nobody’s business.

However, there was a scare at about my 6-month mark. We were getting really busy at work and I was getting more and more huge, and living in California the springtime can get pretty hot and I kept forgetting to stop my chats with clients and drink water. Well, wouldn’t you know it one fateful day at work I was doubled over in severe pain and having realized I didn’t feel my active kicker (his daddy was a soccer player) as much, as usual, that day, I ended up leaving to go to the hospital. They monitored me for a few hours and determined that I was a bit dehydrated and gave me fluids to get the baby going.

RELATED: RAISE VEGAN MAGAZINE 

I felt terrible sitting in that hospital bed. I was that person who was so careful and then all of a sudden,  I was in hospital terrified about my baby’s safety. But thankfully, after getting my fluids back up, and possibly some needed downtime, everything was alright. But what did change was me realizing I absolutely 100% need to put my own and my babies need far above anything else. For the next couple of months, I made sure I drank water, snacked regularly and let stress pass onto others. Even so, my doctor thought it would be good for me to take my pregnancy leave as early as possible in case any more complications arose so I did just that!

Those couple weeks off work, I felt amazing. I had this little wonder growing inside of me, all the free time in the world to nurture him, prepare for him, welcome him and educate myself on how to be the best parent ever. The closer I got to my due date the more excited I grew thinking about “when it happens” and grabbing our well-packed bags and heading to the hospital, which was only a few minutes from us. The plan, it couldn’t have been any more perfect. But that didn’t happen. I remember at the second to last OB visit she mentioned the word induction. I asked, “what’s that?” No seriously, it didn’t even cross my mind.

I left that appointment bewildered. I knew about c-section if the baby is too big, but why would someone have to be induced into labor? It was something me and my OB talked about during our visit.

I read that sometimes your body just naturally doesn’t dilate all the way to allow the baby to come out. Being less than one week away from my due date, my doctor didn’t think I was on schedule enough. I also read that with induction there are a few different ways, but sigh, they all involve some form of drugs. Controlled drugs, but still drugs! Eek. Being the determined and natural momma I am, there was no way that I wasn’t going to have this baby exactly to my well-scripted birth plan, all done on pretty card stock printed paper!

So I set out to try every trick in the book to induce labor. And guess what? It was stressful! I felt like I must be broken because nothing worked. In the days leading to my dreaded due date OB appointment, I didn’t sleep. I was a wreck. Why was this not going to plan? Did I do something wrong? Is there something wrong with my little angel vegan baby? Why, oh why is he not here yet?!

After submitting to my fate at the doctor’s office, I knew I needed one last bit of control. I pushed for my induction to be scheduled at the very latest that my doc was comfortable with and that was 8 days late. Leaving that office visit I felt like a failure.

So you better believe that for the next 8 days I walked, exercised, did the “thing” that made the baby, ate spicy food and drank every type of herbal supplement that supposed to help you go into labor and nothing worked. So when my induction day arrived I was excited, relieved, scared and nervous. But felt that after exhausting all options and myself, there must be a reason why I had to go this route. And there was!

RELATED: RAISE VEGAN MAGAZINE  

After close to 27 hours “in labor” and the mandatory drug, Pitocin running through my typically completely natural body, the nurses found out that due to a cyst I had removed when I was in my teens, scar tissue was effectively blocking my little guy from coming out. Eeekk what? Like he’s been trapped? Poor guy! Once they knew why my body was ready to go, but no baby, they and to perform a relatively quick little operation to remove scar tissue and gave me an epidural (yes more drugs, but mandatory for this procedure) and all of sudden I went from zilch dilated to a whopping 8 centimeters! It was D time, or not…

After about 2 hours I just couldn’t get to the final 2cm and the nurse who had been helping me sadly had to end her shift but was confident we would have a new baby before the 12 am hour and wished our new baby still in my tummy a happy birthday. At this point I’m not going to lie, I was terrified and doubted myself so much, but what was an I supposed to do? I literally had no control over this situation, so you know what I did? I talked to my baby and had a heart to heart with him. I told him he needs to come out now because we’ve been waiting quite long and although his comfy in there, I promise I will make him just as comfy in my arms. I apologized that we didn’t realize he wasn’t able to come out on his own and told him we can definitely do this! And you know what? I think the little guy heard me because not much later, the doctors found me almost at 10 centimeters and their fear of a c-section lessened.

But I still had a lot of work to do and asked to please hold off the c-section until the very last moment because I had a chat with my baby and I think he is ready! (I may have been a bit loopy but I really think we were both just ready!) And wouldn’t you know it, after 31 hours of labor and only about 30 minutes of pushing, my little miracle, my beautiful baby boy, was in my arms as perfect and healthy as they come.

8 months later not only is he thriving, but he is smart, silly, happy and healthy! All my preconceived ideas and, frankly, judgment about induction and epidurals faded far away. After all, I had modern science to thank for this miracle and I, in no way can ever shun that now.

Do I think it’s awful that at one point they may have tested this drug on animals? Heck yes!

Do think its gross that some of it can be derived from animals? Absolutely.

Do I consider myself any less vegan for allowing modern technology help me bring a healthy baby into this world? Absolutely not.

The post The Sensitive Subject of Induction With Animal Products & A Vegan Pregnancy appeared first on Raise Vegan.

source https://raisevegan.com/the-sensitive-subject-of-induction-with-animal-products-a-vegan-pregnancy/