#been my last resort yknow?? being there feels like i fucked up somewhere along the line

[aidenwaites]

Finally gives in uhhh 3 hours before i would've left anyway and asks if it's okay if I don't come in at all

[devilishlly]

whatever the opposite of fame-bright is

umm my take on secret evil robin <3 bc i fucking enjoy it i hope this isn't too ooc or whatever.. idk why but i kept cursing to a minimal LOL tw for murder under the cut! (its not bad but yknow)

they weren’t sure how they came into existence, but when they realized they existed, it was awful. a life where no one gave a shit about another person, save for some bread thrown their way when they finally left the little pile of scraps in the abandoned building. the other children to kept them alive till then weren't so much better, taking things from someone who had nothing, beating someone who they felt deserved it- all to gain back some control in their life. at least they were kept alive, alive with little to do but survive.

and was nice. it was nice while it lasted. soon they were old enough for responsibilities. kids with no names had to resort to things like this, and everyone decided that they were the best for this; they looked normal. not too ugly or deranged looking that would send passerbys immediately in a mood, or too pretty and beautiful so that they'd get caught and dragged away. the children brushed their hair, and told them to stand or sit a little off the corner of a nearby decrepit building and look sad, or best of all, empty. and it worked like a charm. they stood there, at the smallest and darkest hours of night, until a lady passed by and stopped to kneel in front of them. eye contact was always the most important first impression, they learned. she smiles and holds out a hand, "what are you doing out here so late?" the child takes the stone they had in their hand and throws it back, gently. the children swarm the woman, and it would have been easy for the woman to fend of a malnourished child, perhaps two. but it was a group of angry, vengeful, hungry children who needed her help in the worst of ways. so they covered their eyes, even when the others took their hands and dragged them back to their place in the abandoned warehouse. with many more times and practice, they stopped feeling bad. the child realized, they needed to live. it didn't matter how, as long as they were. soon they were old enough to go alone. "you're twelve now, you're strong enough," one of the older ones said and handed them a screwdriver, covered in enough rust and grime to immediately infect anyone with an open wound. so they nodded and went to a street like the one they lived on, on the outskirts of the city.

someone older taught them this, to aim left and up against and inside their chest, and drive the sharp thing so deep you could feel flesh squeeze around your hand. it was routine by now, as the man slumped and the child grabbed for the wallet in the man's back pocket of his jeans. tomorrow for them and everyone will pass easier now because of this choice. wiping the blood on the screwdriver on their coat, and pocketing the wallet, the child sighed. but the relief was not for long.

“this wasn’t your first kill, was it, kid?” a deep rumbling voice spoke behind them. panic permeated their senses, so they decided to cry. slowly, of course, like they had been crying this whole time, so by the time the stranger had walked around the corpse, their eyes were already teary. but the man who now squatted in front of them and the dead body shook his head. "sorry brat, but i know what i saw. you can't cry your way out of this one." the child notes that the man sounded disappointed, almost. and coupled with the look of danger the man had, they remained silent. the man takes a cigarette from his pocket. lighting the cigarette, the man takes a drag and looks down on the child once again. "name?"

they didn't know what to say, tears streaked down their face into their small, bloody hands. their voice creaked, like they hadn't ever spoke until now. "i don't have one. call me whatever you like."

"that's a big responsibility," replies the man, exhaling smoke. "you'll owe your life to me if i give you a name."

they smiled a bit. "i can tell that a life like that would be better than this."

the man nods, "you'll be able to live, not just survive- at least until you become of age. but you'll forever be in my debt, and you will forever owe me whatever i demand. is that worth it, to you?" "will i have to kill?" "it won't get that bad." "will i be able to eat?" "more than you eat now, for certain." "that's good enough for me. so then, please name me." "let me think for a moment." the man finishes his cigarette and throws it to the floor. he rises, and steps on it. "your name's robin now. let's go." he turns around and walks, not looking back.

the child gets to their feet, and runs. the man comes to a black car and gets inside of it. so robin gets into the car and they sit. they watch the city fade far away, the sky becoming progressively darker until the reach of sunlight breaks through into daybreak. just forget, robin tells themself. just forget everything in that city, and focus on living in this new town. the man, bailey, tells robin that they are lucky it is the summer and throws a bunch of books at them. robin learns to read quickly. when robin can do simple arithmetics, bailey pulls them inside his office. robin will be enrolled to school and suggests that they get better at knowing things before it starts. before robin turns to leave, they speak. "you've given me a lot, bailey." the man leans back in his chair. "are you trying to ask me for more?" they laugh, dryly. "i guess i can never hide the truth from you. i thought i would be satisfied once i lived normally, but i miss it. the thrill of the life i had before." bailey nods, "i would have figured as much. i saw you smile slightly over that dead man before i decided to get you. you enjoyed it, didn't you?"

"it was... cathartic." "you want some more catharsis, huh?" bailey sounded barely content, but most of all, knowing. robin nodded. "you can help me with some things then- who knows, it could help you know some helpful people in the future. but know that this is just extra work, it won't deduct anything off our agreed debt." robin nods, "that's fine." so then they were put to work, employed as a little assistant who helped demand money, blackmail, manipulate people who were also in debt to the man they were in debt to as well. they enjoyed it, the ability to sway emotions, to see and experience time and time again the feeling of expunging everything from someone. they had nothing, now so will you. revenge on everyone, on the world for letting them have lived the childhood they had. eventually one day, robin saw you. the look of shock and terror on your face told them bailey just imposed the debt on you- easy pickings. they swayed you with their smiles, just like the townsfolk at their lemonade stand. they made you trust them, with their respect and nicety that no one had ever shown you until now. robin knew no one made you special in their lives. you weren't special to robin either they assured themself, but it's easy to pretend when it's someone is so stupid that they'd do anything for you. everything is easier once you’ve faced worse. getting beat, getting molested, getting bullied- everything was easier than that past life of reliance on murder to survive with all those things combined. robin had a roof over their heads, robin finally had a name, and robin had someone like you under their thumb. that wasn't any problem though, robin knew it in their heart as they hugged you and saw the flush in your face when you told them you saw their note and felt the same. it was so easy. it was so fucking easy to get you to shoulder their debt, but things didn’t go as planned, somewhere along the way it stopped being pretend. the coy smiles, the worried hugs, the warmth in their chest in the moment of afterglow melded with the trueness of feeling. but it didn’t matter. things will go on as they should, things will stay the same. well... so long as you did.

[y01te-moved]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

i almost cant even count how many this is but im doing every single one anyways and you cant stop me despite the fact that this obviously took me ages to actually answer

1: if ur reading this ur legally obligated to follow max (sender of this ask) Right Now. Just Do It.

2: i think more ppl with my sense of humor should watch Spider Riders bc listen..  if somewhere along the line that show suddenly gained more popularity again in this fine year of 2019 id be both actually funny for once but also revolutionary. by all technicalities some of my hcs are fucking great but i dont think i could say a lot of them and even be comprehensible outside of orientation based ones that are just rlly controversial. granted im not even sure i could or would actually recommend the show to people cause its kinda dumb a lot of the time and also fairly long at least to my standards so its harder to finish unless ur like really invested in it :pensive:

3: also on that note the next time a horny person even THINKS about Corona im Going to break into their home and then break their knees. i hate that she has so much fanart thats basically just fetish art or otherwise managing to be nsfw in some way shes like 15 at best fuck off!! its rlly only a problem on like. deviantart but it still makes me die inside.

4: character development is hard i never actually keep my ideas and what i have written down on like.  my actual bios for everyone on the same pace so its a confusing mess and i wish i was better at combating that

5: anon and kanon r such good loids i wish people used them more but i think a part of the problem is that i dont always look That hard for things that use them ahdbsadgashdj

6: alex is the best sdv bachelor and im not accepting criticism on that notion. 2nd best would probably be like..  sam except i havent tried hard enough to be friends with him yet which i feel bad abt bc he seems nice

7: i miss the cracking open a cold one with the boys meme that was still one of my favorites

8: (goes BACK to thinking about SR shdfjds) the anime had no right having like so many characters base their ideals off of how brade used to be in the past and all those good takes on like not necessarily Having to resort to violence as the ultimate solution and all that good stuff just to be like, “surprise!! he actually IS still around! but also he’s going to be minimally helpful at all until the last few episodes and otherwise we’re going to make a ton of gags about him trying to hit on the like 2 girls in the team who are also like 15 while he ignores practically everyone else because thats funny!” im still so mad about it. he is the absolute worst and he has no rights. there was also so much potential they seemed like they could have used and were trying to hint at using in terms of further developing more important details about the history of the inner world or at least some of the things that had been going on well before hunter ever showed up and then they didn’t do anything but hint at the idea of brade having known hunter’s grandfather. but even that wasn’t 100% confirmed bc they dodged around it the one time they had hunter ask. its a mess.

9: my taste is so fucking weird and i hate it bc its mostly just, “oh yeah i heard abt this thing and it seems cool im hoping to start getting into it soon!” for most things that are actually cool or popular or all that and never actually get into it, but then i see smth dumb as shit that i know would probably make me look like an absolute fool for liking and im like, “oh yeah yknow what i can do this one” and then i do like it but i cant say much about it either cause i dont wanna look like.   a fool.

10: these have been depressing as fuck so im gonna lighten the mood and say that himbo is a fucking hilarious word and i love it

11: also axel (kh) is a himbo. why? he just is.

12: im also bad at character design i think bc i always worry that my characters look too similar in terms of hair style like all the time and idk if its rlly that bad or not jfhgkf.  that and like. so many of my characters just wear jeans and boots in terms of the lower half of their body its so unoriginal but it always works so well…

13: still disappointed in myself for having never 100%’d even 1 tlodw game. lunatic mode.. Difficult

14: i dont keep up with ace attorney fans but i hope everyone out there agrees that miles has peak vampire energies based on the way he dresses alone

15: re:zero fans have no rights only bc i only ever see ppl talking abt rem and ram like. wh..   was no one ever going to tell me about reinhard or was i just supposed to watch him get introduced in the first few eps and then fall in love w/him immediately before even finding out hes supposed to be a knight which makes him 20x better

16: leon and/or leonhart is like genuinely a good name idk why it just sounds rlly nice

17: ive had like so many technical difficulties with this site since trying to answer this i hate tumblr

18: im pretty sure im like. genuinely just gonna go mute or some shit one day cause honestly ive mostly only ever gotten worse and worse about not actually being able to say things even when i know exactly what thought im trying to say, both physically and like. online. its so weird i feel like i just cant say things. it may just be being self conscious but i restrict myself soo heavily and its WEIRD….  its like being trapped in ur thoughts and it sucks.  probably doesnt even actually mean all that much but it still makes it hard for me to accomplish anything ever which i hate.

19: despite all the titles like ssbu and all that existing for the switch i think id only want one to play the new(er) inside system games i havent had the chance to yet like the spinoff card game and rudymical and also brave dungeon but w/neville and klinsy and whoever else was dlc on that game cause obviously i own the 3ds port but also neville..  good…  i wanna see how she plays..

20: i miss when i could be passionate abt cave story it just makes me feel tired seeing it sometimes at this point but it also still holds a great significance to me so its just confusing and im not sure how i feel abt it

21: the SR novels were cowards only on account of not giving us any official design for petra but also for writing igneous like.  That.  novelverse igneous is just too bitter in general and like i get it but they couldve done a lot more with him even though he is still somewhat respectable in the end, granted its hard cause like holy shit hes so fucking mean to hunter literally who asked for that. im just glad the anime let him be somewhat more idk..  i guess sociable while still keeping a lot of the inherently essential aspects his personality had like his almost over the top loyalty to the prince and taking things like training/combat in general very seriously. its just good and animeverse igneous is so good id die for him thanks for coming to my tedtalk