#been moving more & focusing on nutrition in a way that doesn’t make me hate myself

[fruitmouse]

lot going on lots good lots bad but it’s WEIRD bc i’m still like surprisingly pretty present. exhibiting mindfulness and healthy coping mechanisms

[aghost-writer]

Love Me

Chapter 3

Don't Leave Me

His abdominal organs are ruptured!

We'll begin operating immediately.

Where is this place? I thought I was on a date with Miss Rize.

Prepare for organ transplant.

Without the consent of the next of kin? Organ? Next of kin? What exactly are they talking about? Dr.

Kano!

I will accept full responsibility! Transfer her organs into him!

It's warm. Why?

Kaneki opened his eyes. Now one of his eyes was like Rize’s. He could hear the beeping of the hospital machines. He closed his eyes and succumbed back to sleep.

The next time Kaneki opened his eyes. He felt a weight on him. He glanced down. His (Y/N) was laying on him. He blushed Wait his (Y/N)? Yes, his (Y/N). He raised his hand to play with her hair. It was as soft and silky as it looked.

(Y/N) shifted and raised her head. She yawned and rubbed her eyes.

She’s so cute. And all mine.

She smiled at him so sweetly as tears filled her eyes.

“You’re awake”, her voice trembled.

“(Y/N)? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?”

Kaneki was franic. Why was his (Y/N) crying? What did he do?

(Y/N) didn’t speak. She simply wrapped her arms around Kaneki. Though it did take her to basically crawl into Kaneki’s lap. Damn her shortness. Her tears soaked Kaneki’s hospital gown.

Kaneki’s face went red. He couldn't believe that his (Y/N) was in his lap, giving him a hug. Oh god. She smelled so good. He could just eat her up.

(Y/N) started to pull away.

Kaneki wrapped his arms around her.

“Don’t leave me”, Kaneki cried desperately.

He couldn’t let her go. Not now. Not ever. Not when he finally had her to himself.

(Y/N) readjusted herself to fit better on the bed. She shook off Kaneki’s clinginess because he had been in the hospital for a few days. She settled down on the right side of Kaneki. Her legs were slightly overlapping Kaneki's legs. Sleep was rapidly luring her in. Her sleepless nights were getting to her. She laid her head down on Kaneki’s shoulder and closed her eyes. She couldn't help but feel safe by Kaneki’s side. She fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

Kaneki blushed as he gazed at (Y/N)’s form. He was so lucky. He tightened his arms around her. Nobody could have her.

He closed his own eyes. He let (Y/N)’s slow breathing pull him to sleep.

Kaneki awoke a few hours later. He glanced to where (Y/N) was supposed to be.

(Y/N) was no longer by his side.

Kaneki looked around frantically. He saw only her jacket.

Where had she gone? Was she okay? Was she safe?

He needed her by his side. Need her now.

His eyes noticed a tray of food in front of him. He saw a note that had his (Y/N)’s handwriting on it. He picked it up to read.

"Hey Kaneki!

Sorry I left without saying goodbye. You were just so cute sleeping that I couldn’t bring myself to wake you up. Sorry for falling asleep on you. Paranoia does that to a person. Anyway, make sure you eat some food. Hide came to get me. So don’t worry about me. I’ll make it home safely. Afterall Hide will be there to protect me. See you later!

Love, (Y/N)

P.S. Don’t worry me like that again.”

(Y/N) thought he was cute? (Y/N) was worried about him? She is so cute! And so sweet for writing a letter to him. However: the word paranoia bothered him. Was she not safe? Was someone messing with her?

Kaneki frowned at the mention of Hide.

Stupid Hide. (Y/N) would still be by his side if Hide hadn’t interfered. If Hide kept taking his (Y/N) away, Hide would have to disappear.

He picked up his chopsticks to take a bite of food. It tasted disgusting. Kaneki was quick to spit the food out onto a napkin. He couldn’t stomach anymore of the food.

He heard the door open. Kaneki pulled the blanket over him. If it was (Y/N), he didn’t want her to see him like this.

A nurse entered the room.

“Mr. Kaneki! Is this all you're going to eat? Oh, right. Your friend came by again today”, she spoke.

Friend? (Y/N)?

Not long afterwards Dr. Kano entered the room. The nurse left the room.

“How are we feeling, Kaneki?”, the doctor asked

Dr. Kano gestured for Kaneki to open his shirt. He placed his stethoscope on Kaneki's chest. The doctor hummed before pulling back.

The door opened, and (Y/N) stepped in. She blushed when she saw Kaneki’s semi-naked self.

“I’m sorry”, she stuttered before turning away to leave.

“No wait! (Y/N)”, Kaneki cried.

(Y/N) halted.

“I am not turning around until you are properly dressed”, the girl stuttered.

Kaneki looked down at himself confused. He blushed when he realized that (Y/N) saw him half naked. He yanked his gown closed.

Though in reality, he wanted (Y/N) to look at him when he was dressed like this.

“I-I am decent”, Kaneki stuttered out.

(Y/N) hesitantly turned around.

“I came back for my jacket”.

She couldn’t look at Kaneki. Her face is still red.

Kaneki glanced toward (Y/N)’s jacket.

“Stay with me.”, Kaneki asked.

(Y/N) blushed even more.

“K-Kaneki”, she stuttered surprised.

“I mean-I’ll need help after I get discharged”, Kaneki explained.

(Y/N) nodded in understanding. She walked past the two men. She picked up her jacket and stood towards the side so she wouldn’t be in the way.

Kaneki moved over and gestured for (Y/N) to sit with him.

“You can sit here so you don’t get tired standing.”, Kaneki suggested.

(Y/N)’s blush deepened, but she did not turn down Kaneki's offer. She moved to sit by him.

Kaneki turned back towards the doctor.

“I hear you haven't eaten anything since you were admitted, but there doesn't particularly seem to be anything wrong though.”, the doctor said.

“I feel okay. My sense of taste is off”, Kaneki said.

His hand found (Y/N)’s. He held it tightly

(Y/N) didn’t pull away so Kaneki counted it as a win.

“Sense of taste? Care to explain”, the doctor asked.

“Everything tastes disgusting to me”, Kaneki explained.

The doctor hummed before smirking a little.

“That could be psychological in nature. It was a pretty serious accident, after all.There's no need to rush to rush yourself. Take all the time you need to heal.”, the doctor spoked.

The doctor stood up and left.

It wasn’t long before Kaneki was discharged.

(Y/N) and him left the hostipal together.

“Nothing particularly wrong? It almost seems like the events of that whole day with Miss Rize were something that never really happened. But one thing is for sure. Ever since then, something has been something has been strange.”, Kaneki thought.

(Y/N) reached over to squeeze Kaneki’s arm.

“You okay Kaneki? You are worrying me”, his (Y/N) asked.

“I’m fine. Just ready to be home”, he replied.

(Y/N) let her hand slipped into Kaneki’s hand.

Kaneki blushed. Her hand was so warm.

From a distance, two very different ghouls watched the couple.

One regretting not killing Kaneki the first time. And the other ready to torture Kaneki.

Unknowingly having eyes on them, (Y/N) and Kaneki walked to Kaneki’s place.

~~~

The two arrived at Kaneki’s apartment. A bag was hanging on the door. Kaneki picked it up so he could read the note.

"Kaneki! Congratulations on your discharge! Presenting some leftover high-quality ingredients from my place, along with your favorite hamburger.

I hope you appreciate it! Wah-ha-ha!

P.S.

When you're up to it, come on back to school.

It's rough here on my own.”

“I see Hide gave you leftovers. I’ll put them away.”, (Y/N) offered.

Kaneki handed her the bag.

(Y/N) went to the kitchen and started to be everything away. She returned shortly.

Kaneki had flopped onto the bed. His eyes were closed.

(Y/N) smiled. She pulled the covers over Kaneki. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. She turned and left but not before writing Kaneki a note.

It was dark when Kaneki opened his eyes again. He sat up and felt something in his hand. He has crumbled up the note (Y/N) had left him.

“Sorry to leave you without saying goodbye again. I went home by the way. Take care of yourself and call me if you need me.

Love, (Y/N).

P.S. You are cute when you are sleeping

P.S.S I know I already told you that but I wanted to tell you again.“

(Y/N) was so cute. Kaneki brought the note to his nose. It smelled like her. His mouth watered. He began to have a visitor. Kaneki blushed. He was such a pervert. He was so dirty. Kaneki couldn't help but wonder what (Y/N) would say if he knew this happened from her scent alone.

Kaneki flipped on the television in ordered to distract himself. He wasn't paying attention to the news report that was airing though. His mind on (Y/N).

“A ghoul doesn't have any need to eat this much in this short amount of time in the first place. One dead body will allow them to survive for a month or two”, Mr. Ogura said in the news report.

“Mr. Ogura, can't ghouls be satisfied by eating the same food as humans do?”the spokeswoman asked.

Kaneki’s attention focused on the news report.

“No, ghouls are only able to derive their nutrition from people. It could be detrimental if they are anything else.Not to mention that their tongues work differently than ours do. When they eat human food, it tastes incredibly awful to them.”, Mr. Ogura continued on to say.

“Their tongues work differently than ours do It tastes incredibly awful to them”, echoed in Kaneki’s head.

Kaneki shot up from his bed and towards the kitchen. He tore open the hamburger bags. He raised the hamburger to his mouth and bit it. He couldn’t hold it down. He covered his mouth and ran to the bathroom. He throw up the food in the toilet.

Oh, no Oh, no.  

Kaneki started to devour food after food and drink after drink. He ran to the bathroom each time to throw up the food into the toilet. He squirted condiments and poured soda down his throat. He had tears in his eyes as it all came up and into the toilet.

He broke some plates before breaking down. He sobbed on the floor. How was he supposed to take care of himself like (Y/N) wanted? She was going to hate him. If he couldn’t take care of himself, how could he take care of her?

His hand gripped a hamburger steak bag.

“Presenting your favorite hamburger.”, Hide’s voice echoed in Kaneki’s mind.

Kaneki stood. He got out a lot of water and started to cook the food.

“Hide... Did you go out and buy this just for me?”, Kaneki thought.

He finished cooking. He brought a piece of hamburger to his mouth. His hand was shaking. He ate it. Tears streamed down his face. The fork clanked against the plate of food. Kaneki sank to the floor.

“This can't be happening. “

Kaneki’s phone started to buzz. It was Hide. Kaneki clicked denied. He couldn’t talk to anyone. Not even (Y/N). Well maybe he could talk (Y/N). He could definitely talk to (Y/N).

~~~

Hide watched as his call to Kaneki went to voicemail.

“Friend of yours?”Nishio Nishiki asked Hide.

He typed on his computer.

(Y/N) entered the room after going to the bathroom.

“I’m back”, (Y/N) said.

Nishiki looked at her. He glanced over her body and licked his lips.

”Yeah. He was supposed to get out of the hospital today, but I can't reach him. I went to see him several times, too, but he didn’t want any visitors.”, Hide continued on.

“That’s strange,” (Y/N) piped up as she moved a box.

Both men looked at her.

“I visited him a few times. Well I fell asleep on him once so I don’t really count that as visiting. I even took him home after he was discharged. He was asleep though when I left. Maybe he is still asleep.”, she continued.

Hide’s eyes narrowed. Was Kaneki trying to take (Y/N) away from him?

Nishiki didn’t like the sound of that. Even if he had just met the girl, he was still so attached to her. He should check out this Kaneki guy.

“Hmm If it were me I'd cut off ties with anyone as rude as that.” Nishiki said as he stopped looking the girl.

He glanced at (Y/N).

“Not sleeping well”, Nishiki asked the girl.

She handed a box to Hide.

“Not really.”

She picked up another box.

“I feel like someone if watching me”, she slipped while not paying attention to her words.

Both Hide and Nishiki were alarmed. Someone was stalking (Y/N)?

“What were you saying about Kaneki? Hide? Nishiki?”, she asked as she looked back and forth between Hide and Nishiki.

“Kaneki, (Y/N), and I have been best friends since we were kids. I don’t know why he didn’t let me see him”, Hide continued.

(Y/N) and Hide continued to move boxes.

“Best friends. How sweet”, Nishiki smirked.

~~~

“Hello? Kaneki? How are you feeling? I was just at the bookstore in front of the station, and Takatsuki- what's-her-name is doing a book signing, so I thought I'd tell you. Anyhow, give me a call when you're feeling better. (Y/N)’s has been asking about you ”, Hide said in Kaneki’s voicemail.

Kaneki was in bed. He slowly sat up. He slowly got dressed. He then made his way to the book store.

It was drizzling when he got there. He read the sign.

"The Takatsuki Sen book signing is now over."

He signed and turned to leave.

“Kaneki?”

Kaneki turned. And before him was (Y/N). His (Y/N). The rain appeared to make her glow.

She smiled at him.

“May I join you?”, she asked.

Kaneki nodded. He couldn’t speak as he looked at the beauty that was (Y/N).

The two walked in silence.

It wasn’t long before Kaneki’s stomach growled. He started to sniff around. He smelt something so amazing sweet.

“Hungry”, (Y/N) asked.

“We can stop and get some food.”, she suggested.

Kaneki didn’t hear her. He was too busy trying to find the source of the sweet smell. He glanced around. There were too many other smells for him to find the source.

“People People People People Children People People --Woman --Flesh --Girl --Flesh --Man --Flesh --Family --Flesh --Children Boy Woman --Flesh Flesh Flesh --Child Boy --Flesh Flesh --Flesh Flesh Flesh --Flesh Flesh Flesh Flesh!”, echoed over and over in Kaneki’s mind.

He couldn’t take it. He ran and ran while leaving (Y/N) behind.

She called out his name and started after him.

Kaneki was too fast for her to catch him.

Kaneki didn’t stop running until he made it back to his apartment. He slammed the door shut and locked it. His shoes slipped off as he ran to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror. One of his eyes was the same as Rize’s eyes. He whimpered.

“What’s happening to me?”

Rize appeared in his mirror.

Kaneki yelled and slammed his fist into the mirror causing the mirror to shatter.

I know what's causing it!

Transfer her organs into him!

Blades such as knives or kitchenware cannot hurt them.

Let’s see if that’s true. If that's true, then I’m a ghoul.

He scrambled for a knife.  He raised it.

This won’t hurt.

He drove the knife towards his stomach. He screamed as the blade of the knife broke off from the handle and onto the floor. He tumbled backwards onto the floor. He sobbed.

What am I supposed to do now?

~~~

Kaneki stood outside the area where the accident occurred.

“Kill a person take their flesh! And eat it”, Kaneki’s hunger spoke.

Kaneki snapped back.

“What’s gotten into me?”

He started to sniff around. There was a sweet smell in the air. But not as sweet as the Scent from before. Kaneki turned towards an alleyway.

“What is that scent? It's the first time I'm smelling it, but it seems so familiar.  A sweet aroma, like Mom's home cooking.“, Kaneki’s hunger talking.

He could see his mother’s cooking as he started to stagger towards the smell.

“There's something over here that even I can eat! Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?!”

Kaneki made turns and moved quickly. He was so hungry. He ran into some trash. He was drooling as he stood up to follow the smell.

“It's close”

Kaneki stumbled on a ghoul and his kill. He watched the ghoul devour the human.

“A ghoul.  A human! How could I have been enticed here by the scent of a corpse?!”his mind screamed.

Kaneki collapsed into his knees.

The ghoul looked up from his meal.

Kaneki sobbed. What would (Y/N) say if she saw him like this? Would she be scared or even sympathetic towards him?

“You're a ghoul. What's the matter? Are you all right? Don’t cry, it’s okay. My name's Kazuo.”, the ghoul offered up.

The ghoul looked at his food and reached down to pull some meat apart from it.

“It's been a long time for me, so I can't share too much with you, but here, eat-- “, he said.

Blood splattered from the ghoul. Some even got in Kaneki.

“Good riddance. Don’t go plundering my feeding grounds. Hmm? I've never seen you before. Why is only one of your eyes red? That's nasty.”, Nishiki spoke.

Nishiki walked towards Kaneki. He gripped Kaneki by the neck and slammed him against the wall.

“Do you think you could hunt on my territory and get away with it?”, Nishiki said angrily.

He was pissed. (Y/N) walks on his territory. He had to protect her.  This one eyed ghoul would eat her.

“I-I wasn't I didn't know I just happened to be passing by”, Kaneki strained.

“Do you think I believe that. Okay, imagine this. (Y/N) is naked and lying on the ground. Then some guy was there with his pants down says to you, "I wasn't doing anything.I just happened to be here.”, Nishiki said as he tighten his grip on Kaneki’s neck.

He didn’t even notice that he said (Y/N). He was too angry to notice.

On the other hand, it caught Kaneki’s attention. This ghoul knows (Y/N)? She’s in danger! He has to protect her!

From above, Touka watched them. She was debating if she should interfere. If she did, (Y/N) wouldn’t be hers and hers alone. If she didn’t, (Y/N) would be hers.

"That's the same as what you're telling me. If someone did that to my (Y/N) , I'd kill the guy. That's why I'm killing you, as punishment for trespassing on my feeding grounds”, Nishiki spoked.

Touka dropped down from her place on the building. She was going to regret this.  Really regret this.

“This isn’t your territory. Which means he wasn’t trespassing, Nishiki. So let him go”, Touka demanded.

Nishiki turned towards her while holding Kaneki up.

“Touka”, he said.

He dropped Kaneki.

Kaneki gripped his neck as he coughed.

“I don’t see what the problem is. I know that Binge eating bitch is dead”, Nishiki argued.

“How does that make these your feeding grounds?  You don’t have any say on the task of distributing the feeding grounds Rize stole. It will be distributed among the weaker ghouls. Just leave it up to those of us at Anteiku.”, she spoke.

Her eyes turned into their ghoulish color.

Nishiki turned towards her.

“Huh?! You know, I still don’t understand why we have to rub everything by a bunch of fence-sitters like Anteiku. I am just reclaiming what is mine”, Nishiki said angerly.

Nishiki started to walk towards Touka.

“Because you were weak”, Touka started off.

“I don’t appreciate being insulted by a punk with a smart mouth. Watch it. You’re starting to piss me off”, Nishiki snapped back.

The two ghouls started to walk towards one another.

“You think I’m scared”, Touka asked.

The two engaged in a fight. They flew to one another.

“You should be”, Nishiki shouted.

Touka passed by Nishiki with ease.

Nishiki was shocked when he got pushed back. He grunted.

“Is that all you got, Touka”, he taunted.

“What for it”, Touka answered.

Nishiki’s eyes widened. Wounds opened on his body and blood splattered out.

He semi-fell to the ground.

“Do you want me to go harder next time?”, Touka asked.

Nishiki grunted. He turned and ran tail.

“Do you want to take your corpse with you?”, she said as she watched him flee.

Kaneki was gasping.

Touka turned her attention to him.

Kaneki reaches out for the corpse. He stopped when Touka stepped over the corpse.

Touka reached down and picked up a hand from the corpse. She offered it to him. She knew that she could use him to get closer to (Y/N).

“You want this?”, She asked.

Kaneki reaches for it before using his other hand to pull his hand back. What would (Y/N) say if she knew he ate human flesh? He hunched over.

“You're not eating? Oh wow, only one of your eyes is different”, she said.

Her eyes widened as she remembered something.

“You're the one who was with Rize. Why weren't you eaten? Then again your eye.”, Touka pretended to be shock.

She knew what happened. However; she wasn’t quite sure how Kaneki survived something like that.

“Please help me! I know you may not believe this, but I'm human. And yet I want to eat that I want to eat it so bad I can't help it But if I do, I won't be human anymore! (Y/N) won’t love me anymore!”, he sobbed hungerly.

His hand reached out once more. He was struggling to keep it at bay.

“If you're in that much pain, then eat.” , Touka encouraged.

Then (Y/N) won’t love you. She’ll only love me.

Kaneki was sobbing as he reached for the hand. He was so close but couldn’t bring himself to take the hand to eat. He hit the hand out of Touka’s hand. It flew off to the side.

“No way! No way! No way! No way! No way! No way! No way! There's no way I can eat another person’s flesh. (Y/N) would hate me!”, he desperately spoke.

Let her hate you.

Kaneki had his head on the ground.

“Killing people.  Killing each other.  I'm not like that! I'm human! I'm human! I’m not a ghoul! I’m human like (Y/N). Her love makes me human”, he cried out.

“This is ridiculous. (Y/N) may be human, but she love belongs to ghouls”, Touka stated.

Belongs to me.

She turned and knelt down by the corpse. She broke some bones to get to an organ. Blood splattered onto her cheek.

“Why not give in already? If you don't have the nerve to eat then I'll give you a hand!”, Touka angrily said.

She turned and ran towards Kaneki. She shoved the organ into Keneki’s mouth. She was doing this for (Y/N) and (Y/N) alone.

Kaneki swallowed.

Touka glared

For (Y/N)...

Only for (Y/N)...

Yanderes

Hideyoshi Nagachika/ Hide

Ken Kaneki/ Eyepatch

Touka Kirishima/ Rabbit

Yakumo Oomori/ Yamori/ Jason

~~~NEW YANDERE ALERT~~~

Name: Nishiki Nishio

Type: Isolating, Violent Status: Alive First Meeting: Don’t Leave Me Nickname: Sunshine Reason: (Y/N) is the center of his world. She is the light in the color muted world he saw. He calls her sunshine because (Y/N) is the center of his world just like the sun is the center of the universe.

Chapter cover was made by vasiadiadein!

[chaoticpuff17]

A Dangerous Game

part 22

masterlist

Hello, darlings! Second update of the night because I lack any and all impulse control, and I hate myself! But I love all of you!!-- chaotic puff.

“She won’t eat. She won’t sleep. She just… she just lies there.” Namjoon whispered speaking to Jin from the other side of the bed. “I don’t know what to do, hyung. It’s like she’s dead.”

“How long has she been like this?” He asked his voice just as soft, just as serious as he gazed down at the woman.

She was curled in on her side staring unseeing out at the world as she lay tucked up under the covers. Moni was curled up in a puff near her stomach. Namjoon never let the dog on the bed, but he made no move to move the creature now, not when Y/N loved him so much.

“Since the other day. Since the meeting with those bastards from GOT7.”

“Dammit, Namjoon!” Jin hissed running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I told! I told you it wasn’t a good idea to bring her there.”

“I know.” The man’s eyes dropped to her prone form. “I fucking know.” He growled turning his gaze back to the doctor. “How do I fix her?”

Jin glared at the younger man but moved to sit beside her on the bed. He gently lifted her wrist checking her pulse before moving on to check her temperature. “Her pulse is normal, and there’s no fever. Physically, she seems fine. Y/N? Sweet girl, can you hear me?” He asked softly brushing her hair away from her face. She didn’t move, nor did she give any indication that she heard him.

“She hasn’t responded to anything since we got home.”  Namjoon sighed pacing agitatedly. “I don’t know what to do, Jin.”

Jin looked between the pair. What a mess they made. Namjoon looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and Y/N was catatonic. “I can put her on an IV and give her something to help her sleep, but there’s not much else I can do.”

“Jin,” Namjoon pleaded coming to kneel by the bed taking her limp hand in his. “I can’t lose her.”

“I’ll do what I can, but it’s up to her to come out of this. She’s…” He paused trying to think of the right words to say. “She’s been through a lot. I think it finally all hit her. She just needs time.”

“She can have all the time she needs so long as she comes back to me.”

“She’ll need to eat when she wakes up. Something light. Her stomach will be delicate after a few days of not eating. Try to make her comfortable. Surround her with things that make her feel safe.” Jin recommended feeling sorry for the other man. “She likes Peonies.” He suggested gazing sadly down at her, the guilt eating at him for not fighting harder to keep her away from that meeting.

Jin carefully set up the IV leaving her with a saline drip and a sedative to put her to sleep for the first time since Jackson had allowed her to be sold off in the name of an organization she had no part in. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the guilty look on Jackson’s face, the smirk on JB’s face. She felt Namjoon’s touch on her skin. The oblivion of the sedative was a relief, a dreamless sleep to take her away from it all. Namjoon was not granted such relief though.

He stayed by her bedside, watching over her as she slept for the first time in days. He wanted her submission, but he did not want her like this. He cursed Jaebum over and over in his mind already thinking of way he could get himself out of this “alliance” and put a bullet in the bastard’s brains, Jackson’s too. He never should have agreed to letting her come to that meeting. When he was through with them, there would be no such thing as GOT7.  

Y/N slept for two days the entire of which time, Jin remained in the estate monitoring her progress. He’d even managed to force Namjoon to take a break eventually shoving the man into bed before he could collapse from exhaustion. Yoongi had been placed in charge of the business much to the man’s annoyance. He preferred to keep to the field. He was a brilliant marksman and a ruthless negotiator, but he hated the administrative side of the business.

“Is she awake yet?” Namjoon asked returning in a rush after having been called in by Yoongi to deal with something.

Jin looked up from his book to look at the bedraggled man. “No, Joon. The sedative’s all out of her system by now though, so she’s just sleeping.”

“How long till she wakes up?” He asked settling into the chair Jin had vacated taking her hand in his.

“She’ll wake up when she wakes up.” The doctor shrugged.

“It’s been three days, Jin.” He murmured softly rubbing circles into the skin on the back of her hand. “She has to wake up. She has to.”

The doctor shrugged again. “She’ll wake up when she’s ready to. Give her time, Joon.”

“Three days.” And Namjoon looked like he hadn’t slept in any one of those three days despite the sleep Jin had forced him to get.

“She’s been getting IV nutrition. It’s not ideal, but she’ll be okay for now. If she doesn’t wake up on her own by tomorrow, we’ll take her to the medical center. Okay?”

Namjoon nodded his agreement though his attention was focused on the woman lying in the bed just as she had for the past week. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the days when she had lain there vacant or the days of this endless slumber. He longed for her to wake, to see her look at him with anything but those terrible empty eyes she had had ever since that meeting.

“Please, wake up.” He whispered placing soft kisses on the back of her hand. “Please. I’ll give you anything you want. Just come back to me.” He pleaded eyes fixed on her face. She looked so peaceful, but he would give anything to see her open her eyes. He’d even be happy to have her screaming at him again just as long as she’d wake up.

Namjoon was not an easy man by any means. He had fought for his position building Bangtan up from the ground until he was internationally feared and more powerful than he had ever imagined, but his woman made him soft. In his eyes, she was such a fragile thing, and yet he knew she held remarkable strength. She’d been fighting him ever since he’d brought her here, and as much as he craved her submission, he still wanted her fire as well.

“We can go to Jeju.” He murmured talking even though he was unsure if she could hear him or not or if she wanted to hear his voice. “I have a vacation house there. You’d like it. It’s by the sea. We could have the wedding there if you wanted, or we could have the wedding here in the garden. I know how much you love the gardens.”

“Come back to me.” He begged moving a strand of hair away from her face. “Please. We’ll be better. I’ll be better. Just come back.”  

His heart nearly stopped in his chest when he saw the first flutters of her eyelids.

“Y/N?” He asked grasping her hand tighter in his as she stirred. “Jagi?” His voice was barely above a whisper in fear that if he spoke any louder it would break the spell and the stirring would be a dream, and she would still be lying there like death. “Please, jagi.”

Her eyes opened slowly blinking unseeingly as she came out of her drug induced slumber. “Jagi?” He grip on her tightened again. Her eyes were still hazy, but they were looking at him. He jumped and sprinted to the door. “Jin!” He screamed into the hallway. “Jin, she’s awake!”

Namjoon rushed back to her side.  “Jagi? Can you hear me?” She groaned noncommittally and curled onto her side. “No, no. You have to stay awake, jagi.” He cooed climbing into the bed beside her, propping her up halfway against the pillows and halfway against his chest. “Stay awake for me, jagi.”  

“Tired.” She groaned snuggling into his chest closing her eyes again.

“I know, but you have to stay awake.”  He cooed checking to make sure her IV was still positioned well. “Jin needs to check you over.

“Jin?” She asked.

“Yeah…” He murmured into her hair. “Jin will be here soon. He needs to make sure you’re alright. You’ve been asleep a long time.”

“M’ tired.”  

“No sleeping.” The man felt a wave of relief go through him as Jin rushed into the room medical bag in hand. “Jin, she’s awake.”

He smiled also relieved by the development. “I can see that. How are you feeling, sweet girl?”  The doctor was all gentle hands and soft voice as he began to check her over. “Do you have a headache?”

“I’m tired.”

Jin hummed in agreement running a thermometer over her forehead. “I know, but you can’t sleep yet. You’ve been asleep for three days, sweet girl. I need you to stay awake and eat something for me. Can you do that?”

“I don’t wanna.” She whined scrunching her brow and burrowing back further into Namjoon’s arms and the pillows.

“You have to. I’ll have Miss In prepare some porridge for you and some tea.” He smiled looking at Namjoon whose sole focus was the woman in his arms. “Do you think you can get her to eat?”

“I can try.”  He nodded.

“My hair… is itchy.”  She whined making both hair chuckle.

“She seems okay. But she needs to eat something.” Jin informed giving the pair a relieved smile as he disconnected her from the saline drip. “I’ll be back later to check on her again after she’d eaten. Don’t let her go back to sleep, okay?”

“Can she wash her hair?” Namjoon asked remembering her complaint.

The doctor thought for a moment but nodded. “That should be fine, but don’t leave her alone in the bathroom. She’s a little hazy still.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Don’t let her sleep.”  Jin turned from the door to shoot them both a stern look rolling his eyes in exasperation when he saw her beginning to nod off again, and Namjoon paying very little attention to him. “Namjoon. I mean it. No sleeping.”

The other man waved him off already easing the woman out of bed and into a bridal hold to carry her to the bathroom. “I’ve got her, Jin.”

“You better.” He huffed. “I’m still holding you accountable for all of this.”

“I know, hyung.” He sighed tightening his hold on her as her head lolled onto his shoulder. “I’ll take care of her.”

With that, Namjoon took the still hazy woman to the bathroom to take care of that hair. He set her down on the counter leaning her back against the mirror as he moved to prep the tub. While the water was filling, he came back over to gently as possible help her out of the silk camisole and pant set she had been lying in before stripping himself down as well.  He knew better than to allow her alone in the bath while she was still so out of it. While her compliance was nice, it was also disconcerting. She never would have allowed this if she was fully herself.

“Okay, jagi.” He cooed scooping her up again. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He eased them both down into the warm water settling himself against the tub and her against his chest letting her rest there as he took a rag up and down each of her limbs carefully going over every inch of her. Despite the situation, he couldn’t help but relish the feeling of her in his arms allowing him this sort of intimacy with her.

“Is it alright if I wash your hair for you, jagi?” He murmured gently gathering her hair to one side.

“Yeah.”  She whispered sitting up to give him more access now that she was more awake.

Namjoon’s long fingers gently worked the shampoo through her hair massaging her scalp in the process earning a hum of pleasure from the woman. He repeated this process again after rinsing before working the conditioner through her hair as well allowing her to rest once more against his chest as they waited for it to set.

“You scared me.” He sighed wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please,” He groaned burying his face in her neck. “Never do that again.”  

She didn’t say anything. Her eyes were instead staring ahead of her unfocused and solemn. Every piece of her longed to sink back into the dreamless sleep she had so blissfully been in less than an hour ago.

Namjoon waited for a reply even when none came. Eventually he gave up on that instead choosing to hum some tune under his breath as he rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. When that was done, he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a towel leaving her in the bathroom as he went to grab them both something clean to wear.

He returned dressed in a pair of sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt. It had to be the most dressed down she had ever seen him, she noted as he helped her into a new camisole and pant set in a light pink silk before slipping a soft silk robe over her shoulders as well.

“Let’s dry your hair, okay?” He asked leading her to sit down. “We don’t want you to get sick.”

Eventually, they were both dressed and dried, and Namjoon carried her back out to the bedroom settling her on the large, cushy sofa that sat at the foot of the bed across from the television. He moved to leave, but her hand shot out to grab his wrist, much to his surprise.

“Stay?” She asked willing to take any form of comfort at this point.

“I have to get you something to eat.” He murmured placing a kiss on her forehead. “But I’ll be right back. Would you like me to bring Moni?”

“Yeah.”

part 23

[moonlit-jeno]

love sick

Chapter 9- Jaemin

pairing: nct dream ‘00 line + reader

genre/warnings: angst, fluff, character death

words: 3.5k

summary:

He could have prevented both of their deaths. He should have prevented both of their deaths. But he didn’t.

He wonders what that means for the rest of them

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Renjun used to always say that time was an illusion. Granted, he was normally joking in response to Jaemin yelling at him for being late, but his words have never felt truer than right now. The days blend together, differentiated only by the routine house change and the occasional food run.

Right now he’s inside some store that is somehow still entirely intact, shelves stocked with rows and rows of food. His stomach growls. “What if we stayed here?” Jeno looks up from the package of green bread that he’s observing. “What, you mean like overnight?” “Yeah. It would make sense, right? Shit ton of food. Plus it’s sheltered, and I’m sure we could figure out the furniture situation.” He muses, observing the aisles. Jeno makes a noise of agreement.

“That’s actually not a bad idea. Let’s throw some food in the car before we talk to y/n and Hyuck about it.” Jaemin does his best to grab foods with the most nutritional value, which is hard when it’s all packaged. He nearly throws up when he gets to the meat section, all of it rotting away inside the glass cases. There are some yogurts that are still good and he calls out to Jeno, laughing as the boy pushes the cart and then jumps on the back, pretending to fly. 

Something pulls in his chest, the scene reminding him of the day it all started. Flashbacks pop up behind his eyes and he takes a deep breath, mechanically throwing yogurts into the cart to distract himself.

He’s so lost in his head that he doesn’t realize Jeno’s calling his name until the guy grabs his wrist. “Jaemin? You good?” Jaemin blinks and looks from his wrist to the elder, then down to the cart. It’s pretty much filled with yogurts, several containers on the floor, rolling down the aisles. He didn’t realize how aggressively he was throwing them. “Yeah, sorry. Distracted.” Jeno nods and lets go of his wrist after a minute. “Alright. Come on, let’s get back to the car.”

They’re about four aisles away from the exit when they hear it. The sound of sneakers scuffling along the floor, a loud pop as a bag is presumably stepped on. Jaemin’s eyes widen and both boys freeze, making terrified eye contact. “What do we do?” Jaemin mouths, trying his best not to make a sound. They’re way too far from the entrance to make it. Jeno gives him a look that says “Why are you asking me?” and shrugs helplessly.

The footsteps have stopped and the store is now eerily quiet, every other sound drowned out by the frantic beating of Jaemin’s heart. He grabs the gun out of the cart, looking back at Jeno. Jeno nods, creeping forward slowly with him. He uses one arm to push Jeno behind him.

His head is pounding and he’s breathing too loud, but the more he tries to calm himself, the more he freaks out. They peer into one aisle, finding it empty. Jaemin doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or not.

The next aisle is just as empty. Jaemin’s beginning to wonder whether they just imagined the sound. He hopes they did. There are only two aisles left until they can bolt to the car.

Jaemin slowly peers into the next aisle, eyes widening as he’s met with the barrel of a gun. His heart stops beating and he stands frozen. Jeno makes a noise behind him and he snaps back into himself, raising his own gun jerkily.

“Are you infected?” The person behind the gun demands, nudging Jaemin’s forehead with the the point of it when Jaemin takes too long to respond.

“N-no. No, we’re not.” His voice breaks and he has to clear his throat, try again. 

Jeno’s hand brushes over his arm, gripping onto it tightly, and Jaemin flinches. “Are sure?” Jaemin’s eyes are zeroed in on the finger on the trigger, how it twitches ever so slightly. “Yes, we’re fucking sure! We’re not infected!” 

There’s a moment where Jaemin is sure he’s about to die, but then the gun is lowered, and Jaemin is face to face with a boy who looks to be no older than Jaemin. He smiles brightly at them. “Hi! I’m Chenle. Jisung’s hiding somewhere.” It contrasts the mood so starkly that all Jaemin can do is stare at him before breaking into a nervous laughter. “Uh, okay. Okay, cool. We’re gonna leave now.” “Are you going to take anything? Or were you just visiting to admire the place?” Chenle asks, tucking the gun into his waistband before raising his eyebrows at them. Jaemin flushes, looking back at Jeno. Jeno looks ready to fight the kid. “We were grabbing food before you decided to hold us at gunpoint.” Jeno explains through clenched teeth.

“Hey, you also technically held me at gunpoint.” He motions to the gun still clenched in Jaemin’s hand. Jaemin startles and tucks the gun into his own waistband. He’d forgotten he had it.

“Right. Great meeting you, we’re leaving now.” Jeno turns to go back and grab the cart, Jaemin following. They rush towards the exit, but Chenle follows them. “Where are you headed?” He asks. “There aren’t too many places left to go.”

Jaemin shrugs, glancing out the window before pausing. “Dunno. We’ll figure it out later.” The guy doesn’t say anything in response. Jaemin waits a moment, but Jeno nudges him with the cart to keep him moving. He turns to leave.

They’re halfway out the door when another voice calls out to them. “Wait! Take us with you.” Another boy stands next to Chenle. He’s taller, has a deeper voice, but somehow manages to cower behind his friend. Something pulls in Jaemin’s chest at the sight.

“And why would we do that?” Jeno asks, eyeing the pair up and down. “We don’t know you.” “But we’re trustworthy.” Chenle shrugs. “And I’m good with a gun.” Jaemin can tell Jeno is done with this conversation. “Great. We’re good with guns, too.” “Not really. I just saw your gun skills and I’ve gotta say, they’re kind of lacking.” Jisung says. Jaemin feels a little attacked. 

“Still a no.” Jeno says at the same time that Jaemin says “Fine.” They turn to face each other. “What?” Jaemin makes a series of facial expressions and gestures that he hopes convey that he doesn’t want to leave these two alone and helpless. Jeno returns the expressions, his exasperation growing until he groans. “Fine. We have two other people with us, we’ll let them decide.”

Chenle and Jisung stay inside while Jeno and Jaemin take the cart out to the car. “This is a bad idea.” Jeno grumbles, glaring at Jaemin. “What if they rob us?” “Why would they do that?” Jaemin asks in place of answering. The fact that he can’t confidently say that they won’t rob them should be concerning. Jeno raises his eyebrow as Jaemin. “This is an apocalypse, Jaem. Why wouldn’t they do that?”

“Took you long enough.” Donghyuck says when they get to the car, hopping out to help them chuck the food in the back. There’s no annoyance in his tone, though. He sounds relieved. You hop out to join them.

“Yeah, well. We met a couple people.” Jaemin sighs, trying to figure out how to tell you and Hyuck what happened without raising concern. He focuses on the food as he recounts everything, not wanting to see your expressions.

You and Donghyuck are gaping at him when he finishes, twin looks of disbelief on your face. “And you want to take them with us? Are you insane?” Donghyuck asks, voice shrill. “Clearly, he is.” Jeno says. Both boys glance at you, probably expecting you to agree with them. You bite your lip. “Oh God. Don’t tell me you’re considering it. What if they rob us?” “I mean, it might not be a bad thing? Don’t forget, the only reason we know each other is because you broke into my house.” You point out.

Donghyuck scoffs. “Of course you would want more guys to come with us.” Your expression falls, hurt written all over your face. Jeno rolls his eyes. “I thought we were past this, Hyuck.” “Fine.” Donghyuck waves his hand and saunters back into the car. “Bring them out here, I guess it won’t hurt to talk to them.” Jaemin runs back to grab Jisung and Chenle, trying to appear threatening as he warns them not to pull any funny business. Naturally, you and Donghyuck look suspicious, gazes calculated as you analyze them. “Why do you want to come with us?” You ask the first question, looking scarily intimidating. Jaemin almost forgot how you acted when you first met them, grilling them about the zombie apocalypse that you didn’t believe in.

Chenle answers with his head held high. “We’ve been stuck here since the whole thing started. We don’t have a car, and there’s no way that we can travel on foot without dying.”

“How did you get here in the first place, then? And how is it that there’s no one else with you?” Your gaze is intimidating enough that Jaemin’s shaking and he’s not even the one being questioned. Jisung seems to try to shrink behind Chenle, who doesn’t even look fazed.

“This is my dad’s store. I used to open it sometimes, but I hated going alone so I brought Jisung with me. There’s no one else inside because I got a call the day everything went down, telling me to lock up and protect myself.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, scanning, before nodding to yourself. “Alright.” It looks like you’re about to agree to let them come with, but then you pause, eyebrows furrowing. “Wait. We walked into the store just fine. You’re seriously going to tell me that no one else tried to break in?” ”No, they did. I shot them.” Chenle smiles sarcastically. “You’re welcome.” The corner of your mouth twitches up and you hold his gaze for a moment before turning to the rest of your group. “Okay. I’m good with them.” “You’re not going to backstab us, are you?” Donghyuck asks them. Both boys shake their heads, hands held up. “We won’t, we swear.” The answer seems to satisfy Donghyuck. He nods at Jaemin.

Jeno’s the last one, but he ends up caving. “Fine. Don’t make us regret this.” Chenle and Jisung both smile. “Thank you! You won’t regret it.” They go to hop in the car but Jeno stops them with an outstretched hand. 

“Gun.” Chenle’s smile falters, but he hands the weapon over. Jeno turns to Jisung. “You too.” “I don’t have one.” Jisung replies. Jeno moves to pat him down and Jisung flinches back. Jeno levels him with a stare. Chenle squeezes Jisung’s hand reassuringly, and Jisung slowly relaxes.

Jeno pats him down quickly, taking note of the setting sun. He doesn’t find any other weapons. “Alright. Off we go.”

Jisung and Chenle end up making a great addition to the group. They seem to be complete opposites. Jisung barely talks and Chenle barely shuts up, his voice loud and laugh even louder. It only serves to make their interactions funnier to the rest of them. 

Chenle almost reminds Jaemin of Renjun, with his quick wit and sharp tongue. And Jisung is so timid and awkward that Jaemin can’t help but to basically adopt him. He’s two years younger than Jaemin and he quickly becomes the younger brother he never had.

Donghyuck never fails to join in on the teasing, Chenle cackling as you and Jeno watch from the side. Jaemin notices that you’re a bit more closed off from the two new boys, not that it’s hard to figure out why. You probably figure that Donghyuck’s ready to jump down your throat any chance he gets (he is). Plus, you’re already distant with him and Jeno. Why would you be welcome to newcomers?

Jeno’s a different story. He’s surprisingly fine with Chenle, finding the kid hilarious. Jisung… not so much. 

Maybe it has to do with the time Jeno made a bad joke and Jisung called him boring. Or maybe it’s like Donghyuck said: Jeno’s jealous of the attention Jaemin’s giving Jisung. It’s kind of funny to him, watching the older boy pout as Jaemin pinches Jisung’s cheeks.

Jisung has a little wallet sized calendar that he keeps with him, checking off the days to keep track of time. It’s a little disheartening to see just how long it’s been since the beginning of the end, that day marked with an x and a frowny face. There’s a smiley face on one of the days from last month.

“What’s this?” Jaemin asks, tapping the day with his index finger. Jisung looks over, confused, and then flushes red. He mumbles something inaudible. “What?” “That’s the day Chenle and I joined you guys.” Jisung looks away, clearly embarrassed, but the gesture’s so sweet and innocent that Jaemin’s heart warms.

Jaemin reaches over to pinch his cheeks, cooing at him. Jisung yelps and tries to bat his hand away. “Aww, you marked down the day that we met? Cute.” 

Donghyuck hears the chaos and runs over, attacking hugging Jisung from the back. “You really like us that much?” Chenle cackles as you and Jeno watch, laughing from the sidelines. There’s something different about your smile as you watch them. It’s brighter, happier than Jaemin’s seen you look in a while. It lifts his spirits even higher, if that was possible.

The house that they’re in right now is tiny, not leaving for a lot of space. It doesn’t really provide much shelter either; the walls are thin and there’s a draft that seeps in and chills him to the bone. There aren’t enough blankets for all of them so they have to improvise, snuggling up to each other. Jisung and Chenle are curled together across the room. You’re sandwiched between Jaemin and Jeno, Hyuck hugging Jeno from behind. You’re facing Jeno, which is fine, except that means that no one is hugging Jaemin and he’s cold. His eyelids are heavy and he feels dead tired but he can’t get comfortable enough to fall asleep. He’s about to get up and pull Hyuck on top of him when he hears it.

There’s a noise from across the room, a loud growl that has Jaemin bolting upright, looking around wildly for intruders. He doesn’t find anyone. 

Someone whispers an apology from across the room. Jaemin squints his eyes, trying to see in the dark, and Jisung sits up. The kid laughs sheepishly. “That was my stomach.” “Jesus, you scared me.” Jaemin stands. “Come on, let's get you some food. What do you want?” “A baguette.” Jisung doesn’t even hesitate. Jaemin raises his eyebrows, reaching forward to poke him in the side. “Kidding! I want oatmeal.” Jaemin boils the water while Jisung pulls a package of oats out of the box. He must accidentally splash Jisung with the boiling water when because he groans when Jaemin is pouring the water into the bowl.

“Shit, sorry.” “Hmm? That wasn’t me.” Jisung sounds confused. “Oh. Must’ve been Jeno, he snores sometimes.” Jaemin shrugs it off, but then they hear the noise again. It sounds closer, and it’s accompanied by a banging. His heart drops to his stomach. “Shit. Shit, grab whatever you can, we’ve gotta go.” Their escape this time is harder. It’s dark, for one, so none of them can see what’s happening. Plus they’re all half asleep. Jaemin almost loses his mind trying to explain the situation to a non comprehending Jeno.

“Jesus Christ, pay attention. There are zombies here. We heard them like, a minute ago. We need to leave.” 

You all huddle together at the front door, Jeno clicking the key to unlock the car ahead of time. Jeno runs them through it, yawning midway through his speech. “We run, we jump into the car, and that’s it. Don’t take time to get comfortable. As soon as your ass hits the seat, you scoot over and slam the doors shut. Ready?”

The grass is wet and Jaemin groans as he realizes he doesn’t have shoes, the mud slimy between his toes. It’s a miracle he doesn’t fall.

It’s another miracle that the zombies fall. They may be strong but they’re not too coordinated, and Jaemin glances back to see one running at them, only to slip and land on its face. It would be funny if it weren’t so damn terrifying.

Everyone piles into the car successfully, Jeno slamming his foot on the gas and speeding off. Jaemin turns to look around the car. “Everyone okay?” Murmured agreements sound around the vehicle, and Jaemin sinks back into his seat in relief. The SUV only fits five people, Jisung being the unlucky one sitting in the trunk. There’s plenty of space back there and the boy has a clear view of the rest of them, so it’s not that bad.

Somehow the car is more comfortable than the house and Jaemin finds himself drifting off, heavy eyelids finally resting. He’s just about to fall asleep when he feels a bang, an annoying beeping sound filling the car. Jaemin fights the urge to throw himself out of the car. “Alright, who doesn’t have their seatbelt on?”

“Fuck, Jaemin, that’s not the seatbelt sign. The trunk’s open.” Jeno swears. “What? But it’s closed.” You say, turning around to look back. Jaemin’s about to agree when suddenly the trunk flies up. Jisung screams and reaches forward to grab the headrest. 

There’s an awful growling sound and suddenly the serene atmosphere is shifted into chaos. You yell Jaemin’s name and hand him a gun. Donghyuck and Chenle are both trying to pull Jisung into the backseat, the lanky boy having trouble fitting. He’s just about over when he lets out another scream, being pulled backwards with such force that he’s ripped out of their grips. Jisung just barely manages to grab onto the headrest.

“Get it off of me!” Jaemin’s eyes widen as he meets Jisung’s panicked expression and he swings the gun up, finger on the trigger. There’s a malformed hand around Jisung’s ankle and Jaemin makes the mistake of following the hand to the rest of his body. It’s a zombie, he knows it’s a zombie, can hear Jisung screaming for help, and yet…

All he sees when he looks at the face is Renjun. He gapes at the sight in front of him as he’s suddenly thrown back to a week ago, to Renjun sitting on the grass as he awaited his death. To months ago, the boy cackling as Jaemin woke up to find the scribbles left by a Sharpie and a bored Renjun.

He falters. There’s yelling in the background but it all blurs together in Jaemin’s ears until someone grabs his shoulder and screams “What are you doing?” That brings him back into the present and suddenly everything snaps back into focus. The zombie isn’t Renjun.

Jaemin raises the gun to shoot but it’s too late. Jisung screams bloody murder as he’s dragged out of the SUV, hands trying desperately to get a grip on anything that could possibly save him.

“No!” Jaemin throws himself forward to grab Jisung’s hand, but it’s too late. He watches in horror as Jisung’s body lands on the road, zombies swarming around him. It’s a gruesome sight, and he vaguely registers Chenle take the gun from him, watches as the remaining zombies fall to the ground. There’s a hand gripping his shoulder, keeping him in place, and it’s only then that he realizes he’s screaming, body trying to launch him after Jisung.

They eventually pull over to shut the trunk and get gas. It’s probably his turn to drive but nobody mentions it, not with the state that he’s in. His eyes are locked on the rear window, the scene replaying over and over in his head.

The panic in Jisung’s eyes. The desperation with which he clawed at the back of the seat. The fucking screams he was letting out as he begged, pleaded with Jaemin to save him. Because he could’ve saved him.

He should have saved him. It’s his fault. If he hadn’t frozen up, Jisung would still be alive. And why did he freeze up? Because he thought he saw his dead friend? It shouldn’t have mattered if it was Renjun, because it wouldn’t really have been Renjun. He would’ve had to shoot him anyways. But he didn’t.

It’s his fault Jisung’s dead. This is the second person he’s killed so far. Even if he wasn’t the one who dragged Jisung out of the car. Even if he wasn’t the one who turned Renjun or shot him in the head. He could’ve prevented their deaths. It’s his fault.

He wonders what that means for the rest of them.

[cliponearringsandtea]

Thoughts for the new school year from a college senior

Set Systems, not goals*

Instead of setting lofty goals for your semester, try coming up with systems that will help you be productive on a daily basis (or you know, more often). Rowena Tsai has a wonderful youtube video about this concept here, and she explains how to create systems here.

*Rowena Tsai 2020

Make a fun playlist to dance to! Or use this one! I recently learned about the stress cycle from Emily and Amelia Nagoski's excellent book Burnout:The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (you can find their podcasts here! and the book here!).

In the book they talk about how stress and stressors are two different things. A stressor is something that causes your body to go into the biological state of stress. A stressor can be anything from a scary tiger ready to pounce to an annoying email from your professor.

Because the stress response (fight, flight, freeze) developed under conditions where your life is in mortal danger the body often doesn't get the signal that you've dealt with the stressor when the stressor isn't something you can run from or fight. So the Nagoski sisters emphasize that movement can be a helpful way to balance stress on a daily basis!

Personally, before working on a something that is stressing me out I like to listen to Lover or this playlist that I made and dance around my room so I can get to work without the stress.

Find a planning system that works for you! I have tried out a lot of planning systems over time, and none of them have necessarily worked long term for me, but that's okay. I think it's helpful to think about what has worked well and not well for you in the past.

For instance, I hate dated planners because then I feel guilty wasting paper when I happen not to use that week's spread. I also need to be able to easily move tasks around my week, yet be able to also brain dump a bunch tasks at once.

Currently I'm using monday.com which is free for college students and I've been finding it a great tool this summer to keep myself organized. I also use google calendar to keep track of all of my appointments etc.

If you are taking online classes create a context for them If you, like me, already found it hard to focus in in-person classes, you probably have noticed that focusing in online classes is about 50% harder. These are some things I am going to try out/have tried to to help me focus more in these classes.

1. Find a space that is for class: last semester I spent all of my time at my desk (which is right next to my bed ugh) and that wasn't as helpful as I wished it to be since in college I go to different classrooms and lecture halls. These spaces set the tone and make it easier to concentrate in my experience. So for classes this semester I'm planning to work in my family's dining room. That's not something that's available to everyone, so some ideas include sitting in a particular orientation on your bed only during class time or having something that you put on your desk during class time to remind of the context.

2. Wearing clothing that I would wear to class (bonus if it makes me feel good about myself). PJs are comfy, but wearing them to class bleeds the boundary between relaxation and work which is just not so helpful in the long run.

3. Closing all of my tabs and having only the ones necessary to the class open. Bonus if I get my notebook out and ready before lecture starts!

4. Putting zoom in full screen and writing in a notebook instead of on my computer.

5. Finding something distracting to do with my hands that is not on the computer. Embroidery is 100% better for my concentration than Teen Vogue's newest lip balm recs.

6. Having a not distracting computer background, and using the Mission control setting on my MacBook.

Find time to eat!

It's really easy to forget to eat when you are super busy, but eating is really important! Eating gives you the energy you need to pay attention and do well in school and just generally live a happy healthy life.

Figure out when in your day you can set aside time to eat (hopefully without rushing), what classes you can snack in, and when you get hungry. If it's not triggering to you, you can pay attention to how certain foods make you feel and which ones give you the best energy for your day.

Also food is amazing and delicious and makes my day better. Meals are a great time to see other members of your household or get off your phone! I really treasure my daily pre-class breakfast with just me and the newspaper.

I'm not a dietician or a nutritionist so take my advice with a grain of salt. Abbey Sharpe's Youtube channel is a great place to learn about nutrition from a dietician.

Get Good Sleep!!!!!!!!!!

This has been one of the most important things for me in my academic life, and when I've fallen off the getting good sleep track I have definitley regretted it.

Set yourself a bedtime and a wakeup time and try to be consistent. Even if you get the same hours of sleep a night but you go to bed at 10pm one night and 1pm the other night, your body will not necessarily be so happy, because this messes with your internal clock.

Snoozing often makes me more groggy, so getting up with my first alarm gives me more energy. Being tired from a lack of sleep can turn into a vicious cycle for me, I end up staying up later when I'm tired because I can't find the energy to move towards bed, and then I'm tired again the next day. To that end, I'm working on developing a bed time routine so that going to bed is more automatic for me.

[fit-as-fxck]

hi. I have a lengthy update and a story.

Good Evening, Friends. Here’s an update that no one asked for. I continue to feel much, much better. I can credit that to a constant, normalized sleep schedule, a reduction of the constant stress of the last three months and making sure I eat. As far as movement goes that’s exactly what I've been focusing on. m o v e m e n t. This doesn't mean always going to the gym and slamming weights around, this means moving more intuitively and listening to what I want to do and what I need (without putting too much pressure on myself to be rigid with set demands). Some days I take my dog with me to the park while I do outdoor yoga (in preparation for my outdoor classes I always do in the summer). Sometimes I meet up with a friend and hit the trails for an easy run. Sometimes, doing “nothing” is more important and takes precedence. (If you don't want to read this all skip down to the bottom for a lil story I guarantee you’ll want to read.)

Habits/personal: Every morning make it a point to tell myself I'm going to stay present today. That’s my goal. To stay present and take advantage of every moment, and yes, it comes down to actively monitoring my habits. Even things like social media and electronic use impacts us and none of us were given a manual on how to navigate this shifting terrain. So yeah, reading an actual book before bed and shutting down devices actually does make a difference on our mind and body. Sometimes, we have to set rules for ourselves depending on our lives and how we know we respond to things like this. I’m starting a gratitude journal too so that’ll be new journey for me (it’s scientifically proven to lower inflammation in the body). My life is starting to go back to “normal”, finally. I was under intense life stressors for a few months. 

Training: 

I’ve done some easy trail runs with my friend (the one who was my old gym partner). His training is ramping up significantly and mine is just now recovering so I've only been joining him on his easy recovery runs. The first one I did, my legs felt like two ton bricks. It felt like I was running through jello. I’m not embarrassed to say it was just awful. Consider that I spent since October not putting an emphasis on cardio (only some conditioning), so yeah not surprising. The good news is, it only sucks for a little bit and then it gets better. I mean, each run I do I'll never have to redo again lmao. I hate treadmill running unless I'm doing sprints. I always choose outdoor if I can. I haven't done any major strength training and I’ve probably lost a lot of strength but I'm not worried about it. Muscle has a memory. I’m ready to pick up some strength training again but my goals right now are more geared towards movement and cardio (so the strength training will be to support that). And of course, yoga. I love doing more and more of it. It just makes you feel so damn good. Plan: adding cardio in 4 times weekly. Alternating between cycling, running, trail running, moderate intensity and intervals. Finishing with a handful of lifting exercises a couple times a week to stay strong. 

Nutrition:

Like I mentioned, I am making sure to eat. And haven't been too strict about it, like, at all. I’ve been fueling on pb&j’s. (Side note: I am always making sure I keep my caffeine intake low, I feel better without it. I do half-caff coffee mostly.) I’m increasing my workouts since I'm feeling good so my nutrition is going to be shifted to support those goals. I don't want be too extreme so I'll be following an 80/20 diet. 80% clean Whole Foods and 20% Oreos and Snickers (jk). A major pitfall of mine is failing to prepare to have food when I need it. This week, and for the following weeks, I'm meal prepping everything (which I should be doing anyways *glares* @ me). I’m sticking to whole, “clean” foods and following basic nutrition principles. I’m 100% sure you can make progress on nearly any “diet” as long as you follow nutritional fundamentals. I feel better when I eat better anyways. Sometimes we have to go back to basics. Foundations are what we build everything on and any tweaks we do to that foundation are just the “fluff” on top. Don’t want that foundation to have cracks in it, do we? (SO this week I made a homemade Mac and cheese. Most times I burn everything but sometimes my attempts are a slam dunk. I made my own cheese sauce and used half noodles and half shredded cauliflower to increase the volume and MAN IT WAS BOMB. YOU GOTTA TRY IT. YOU COULDNT EVEN TELL THERE WAS CAULIFLOWER IN IT. Sneaky vegetables.) Unfortunately, I'll have to cut out the Mac & cheese and pb&j’s BUT if it’s the weekend and I want a bagel, I'm gonna have a bagel (80/20 ok). I’m prepping things like grass fed beef, vegetables and sweet potates or rice etc (yes, its potates). 

Other (friends/lifestyle/inspo):

So I got a call from my gym buddy this week which I did not expect. When he started working out with me in January(?) he was what you would call “skinny-fat”, which is defined as not looking overweight but also not having any distinguishable muscle tone. Since then he’s put some serious size and strength and totally upped his cardio game. I started him out on some basic training and knowledge and then he continued on his own. When he called me he told me a man approached him in the gym and asked what he was training for. He told him he was training for an iron man (his overall bucket list goal). This is a hefty goal considering he started at ground zero. BUT everyone starts at zero and he is young and you won’t see me telling him he can’t do it. You can do anything you put your mind to. My friend told the guy about how he went down to 135 pounds at his thinnest (dude is like over 6 feet tall) and then went up 65 pounds at his heaviest. Well, they got to talking and this man started telling him about his friends going through BUDS training (SEAL training). And, my friend spilled the beans. He told him that he hadn't told anyone yet but his overall goal was to go out for the Seals. Yeah, aggressive goal. Thats when the guy told him he was special forces (ranger). He told him David Goggins was headed through town and they were all going to dinner with him. Yeah, I know, sounds odd. Anyways, this guy told him that the only difference between him and the ones that made it, was that now it was his turn to do it. That’s it. (Pretty crazy considering like 6% of people that go out for this pass). So my friend told him he “didn’t know anyone”. The guy told him that there were a ton of special forces in this area but they don’t tell you they are unless they want you to know. But, my dude meant he quite literally didn’t. know. anyone. He had lost all his friends when he found out they had different priorities and pretty much has no one around him supporting him on this, which is why he called me when he was astounded this happened. Serendipity, I guess. Put your goals out there into the world with iron conviction and the universe will find a way to meet you halfway. So this guy was 38 I think and didn’t look his age (not that 38 is old..) and told dude that he could probably smoke everyone in this gym and well, he could, based on the workouts he was doing. My friend’s jaw was on the floor with this whole interaction. He told me he was nervous and stumbling over his words and felt like he probably made an ass of himself. He apologized for it, saying he barely got any sleep and was super stressed and the guy said “Who gets sleep? And we’re all stressed.” The guy offered his advice and networking anytime dude sees him in the gym etc. 

We all come from somewhere, we all have dark, broken histories, large goals, even larger struggles etc and feel like our lives consist of constantly trying to pull it together until the day we die but, I swear, you gotta find a way to believe in yourself and even accept your failures. Whats the worst that could happen? You die trying? At least you followed your heart. Just like this dude, out of shape, stumbling, mad at himself because of slow progress but just look back three or four months... He’s strong now and the progress happened because he was patient with himself and didn’t give up even when he felt like it and he’s still not done. More power to him and anyone willing to try. Perhaps the overall goal doesn't matter as much as who we become in the act of trying (thank you Kaylo Littlejohn for that quote). Most times, people just need a positive push in the right direction. Maybe we can focus a little bit more on uplifting and being positive because that shit is contagious. 

[icequeen-shiva]

what i need to say to you, as a fat girl.

i’m going to put it under a cut, not because i’m embarrassed but because i know i’m going to get longwinded and i know some people won’t appreciate a gigantic, lengthy post clogging up their dash. and i get that! that’s me sometimes too. it’s cool, fam. it’s... it’s a damn novel. i’m not going to lie. i’m sorry it got so long. there’s a lot of history. but i don’t know how else to make it so clear and understandable without going deep. everything in here is exactly what i want known. so... yeah, it’s long.

i just had my yearly gynecological appoint a week ago. she stressed to me that she couldn't be happier with me, even with my weight. my blood work was, she called it, wonderful. my levels are good! i’m not even close enough to pre-diabetic that she felt a need to caution me. i’m healthy, according to my blood, she said. keep doing what i’m doing, she said, based on science and my blood, not my stomach, where all my weight seems to go. i am blessed that my doctor is kind. she knows that i, and others like me, am doing the best i can to find more healthy and nutritional things that work for me (and while i won’t go into it here, i will say that i have a fucked up home life that doesn’t make it easy). she knows pcos is fighting me every step of the way on losing weight. but she is proud of me and supports me and when she wants to talk about my weight, that is how she addresses it: with positive suggestions, not shaming me, not guilting me into feeling like i’ve done this wrong and disappointed everyone.

yes, i could exercise more. i’m not in shape, but the tests come back that, overall, i’m healthy, but that doesn’t seem to matter, because i’m still fat.

it shouldn’t be this hard to write. i shouldn’t be crying while i write this, but it’s been beaten into me (not literally) since i was a child that i’m not worth it if i’m fat. i went from kindergarten through eighth grade to a very small school (at its largest while i went there, my class had 36 people total) and i lived on the very edge of the district. if a friend wanted to do anything, we had to coordinate with our parents who was going where, whose parents were driving and what time would we get together, what time would someone need picked up, etc. and i was fat. i’ve been overweight since the day i was born, coming out at 10 pounds. i wasn’t into sports, which was absolutely what this school put almost all of its focus on. i was into art, which was the last thing this school put its focus on. i was quiet, i didn’t live in town, i didn’t want to play kickball or basketball at recess, i wanted to sit on the swings and draw. i was the weird kid, and i also happened to be the fat kid in my grade. the only fat kid. so i was an undesirable, and i just... got used to it. i will never forget how sick i felt in seventh grade, in the girls’ locker room after gym one day, when one of the thinnest girls was almost crying about her reflection and how fat she looked. i felt terrible for her, because if she really believed that then that girl needed help, but i also felt absolutely sick and knew i wanted to be annnywhere else but that school with these girls. i was lucky enough that my mom finally agreed to let me go to the school just a hop over the district line for high school. i met the best friend i’ve ever had in my whole life. i met other fat kids. i won the art club scholarship when i was a senior. my entire social existence was not predicated on “she doesn’t live here, she’s an oddball, and she’s fat” for the first fucking time.

but i was still fat in high school, and still pretty weird, i won’t lie, so i was still not the girl asked to any dances. i was never invited to any parties. i’m lucky that i wasn’t bullied for my fatness. a couple underclassmen punks behind me in the hallway tried one time, but at this point, i had perfected my glare and intimidation voice, so when i stopped, turned around, glared, and dared them to say that one more time, they didn’t. i was picked on for my goth aesthetic more than i was my weight, and that was fine. it wasn’t my weight, so i could live with it. i had my friends, i had my art classes, i had english and history where the teachers loved me and how good i was at these subjects. but i never had a date. i never had a first kiss. i never had any of this. i was fat, and i was weird. i’m not blaming it all on my physical appearance. everyone is embarrassingly weird as a teenager, i think, and if you weren’t then you’re lying.

for varying reasons, i didn’t get to go away for college. i went where my parents demanded i go, to a community branch of ohio state, with looming promises of “oh, you can transfer to columbus in a year or two, it’ll be fine” that ended up never happening. it was just like high school all over again. it was so small, and so limited, and so full of the same kind of people i’d been with the last four years already. i was still the fat weird girl. i grew into both of these. i learned to carry them each much better, i started taking theatre classes and auditioning for the plays, i even got the fucking lead in a one season. i was antigone, and i was, for the first time, excited about myself.

it didn’t last, though. the theater kids were, contrary to how they’re depicted so often and what other people’s stories have been, mean. so i left it. i never acted on that campus again. and it hurt like a motherfucker when i reminded myself that i gave up like that. but it was easier to do that. it was easier to take myself out of the spotlight than it was to constantly fight and defend my right to have it just like anyone else. now... there’s a lot of other issues in my life, that i’m not willing to address right now. all of my friends moved a few hours away from me. i’m not exaggerating, though i wish i was. i never ended up leaving. i dropped out of college when my depression was spiraling out of control and i wasn’t reeeeally functioning at all. i still live at home, in this close-minded, rural, midwestern place, because i’m terrified of leaving my mother with her depression that’s much worse than mine has ever been and i have no one in this area at all that i trust enough to be roommates with, and i can’t afford living on my own without that crutch. that’s as far as i’m willing to go. but this-- leaving acting, that i had loved so much-- was really a tipping point into the depression i have struggled with for almost my entire adult life.

and that depression and continued social rejection has really drummed in further i am fat. i have no hope of anyone ever thinking i’m beautiful. no one will ever really be attracted to me. i can fix my face with makeup but i cannot hide my gut, and that will repulse them.

i’m 28 years old and still-- fucking still-- the only time i’ve ever been shown romantic interest, was a joke. the only time someone has ever given me their phone number was a goddamn joke. it was at a restaurant, where i wasn’t afraid to order what i wanted and enjoy eating it, and i probably looked like a pig. i like food. we kind of need it to survive, and if i’m going to a restaurant with my friends, i’m going to get what i want, what sounds good, and enjoy myself with my friends, not get only a small salad because i have to watch my weight and i have to look like the meek, ashamed fat girl who’s trying to do better. i don’t have to look like anything, for anyone. but for a long time after i realized that number was a joke, i stopped doing all of that. i’d barely eat when we went out. i’d cry about it in the bathroom. i’d cry about it in bed. i cried a lot. and i hated myself. i’ve somehow managed to mostly overcome that. but it’s been hard, and let me repeat: i can only say mostly.

so what i really, really need you to know, and this is directed to the tickle community more than it is anyone else right now... this is why, if/when i get suddenly upset about belly tickles; if/when i get very quiet and withdrawn, when my dash is flooded with “ideal” bodies with their cute bellies getting tickled; if/when i get very feet-centric again because, after over a decade of navigating through my kink preferences and finding a place in this community, i’ve convinced myself over and over again that “if you keep it focused on your feet, they won’t notice that you’re fat.” which is ridiculous because in online play, nobody has to know that if i don’t say anything. but i will know. i will always know, when i present myself in rp as some small, cute, only a little bit chubby girl, that i’m lying.

it’s so hard being fat in such a physical kink. so fucking hard. even the plus size girls in the videos don’t look like me. it’s incredibly appreciated, don’t get me wrong, and it’s... it’s not even that i’m ~so big. i don’t look as heavy as i am. i’ve been accused of looking for attention and saying i’m heavier than i really am, when i try to be honest about how much the scale says (which honestly just makes me incredibly paranoid that maybe i have some giant cyst(s) on my ovaries that’s distending everything and heavy af with a bunch of fluid and crap, as is the hallmark symptom of polycystic ovarian syndrome, but that’s another essay). but it’s heavy enough to bother me. and that just gets problematic, because it’s not right of me to think “well, at least i’m not that size,” because the girl that size is having the same struggles as i am, probably. 

there’s literally one person i’ve ever spoken to that has told me, and i believe truthfully, they think i’m cute and that i’m worth it. and they live in england, thousands of miles away. and he wasn’t a “chubby chaser,” and i truly believe he wasn’t saying it out of pity. he meant it. but he’s the definition of unattainable.

i need you to understand that you need to be patient with me, if we’re really going to play, because the hardest thing i can do is accept that you don’t think i’m disgusting. because at the end of the day, i can be as confident in my personality and my intelligence and my skills as possible, but i will still look down at my stomach, hanging over the waistband of my pj shorts, and i will still think this is disgusting and it’s no wonder i’m alone.

[webmarket01]

People Are Sharing Small Changes They Made That Helped Them Lose Weight (47 Tips)

New Post has been published on https://weightlosshtiw.com/people-are-sharing-small-changes-they-made-that-helped-them-lose-weight-47-tips/

People Are Sharing Small Changes They Made That Helped Them Lose Weight (47 Tips)

45 million Americans go on a diet every year. Moreover, Americans spend $33 billion each year on weight-loss products. The numbers are staggering, having in mind that two thirds of society are now classified as overweight and obese. So where did it go wrong?

Well, humans tend to overthink and end up trying too much. From counting calories to judging ourselves for a piece of cheesecake, some lose the simple joys of life, while others get fed up with their diet just not working.

But what if weight loss, like any other journey in the world, starts from some simple little steps? What if one or two basic changes in our lifestyle are all it takes to find the balance we crave? To find out, we looked at the little weight loss tips shared by people who genuinely claim they really worked. And no, you don’t need to give up on pizza any time soon.

#1

Make your couch a no-eating zone. I found that when I sat in my overused, sunken-in spot in the couch with food, it turned into a mindless binge-fest. Sitting at a table or kitchen bar with a plate and silverware made me more mindful and present when I ate, which in turn helped me to listen to my satiety cues and stop eating when I was full. Lost over 100 pounds in a little over a year.

#2

Just doing something in the gym everyday is better than nothing.

This advice helped me so much. It really reinforces that this is a lifestyle change by forcing you to just go be active everyday. It also helps just in the sense its objectively true doing 10-15 minutes on the treadmill is better than nothing if you really arent motivated at all. The biggest way it helps though is on the days you are unmotivated, once you start you will often just do your full workout.

Image credits: totalloserx

#3

Don’t try to ignore your cravings — just find healthier ways to satisfy them. I will never be the girl who says no to pizza or bread. Embracing it and not hating myself for it was the first step. Then I was able to find ways to satisfy those needs in a better way. For example, Cauliflower pizza crust pretty much satisfies my need for pizza. (I know, it doesn’t sound believable but it’s true!)

Image credits: Deb Nystrom

In the past few years, there has been a surge in what’s called the mindful eating trend, which is all about staying present in the moment and enjoying it. This approach gained popularity because it doesn’t focus on restriction, but instead aims at changing our relationship with food.

Mindful eating is opposed to mindless eating, which is all too common these days. The latter refers to eating past fullness, eating out of boredom, emotional eating, eating and multitasking, and eating to gain comfort and soothe yourself. Conversely, mindful eating refers to eating when your body tells you to, enjoying eating, thinking about where food comes from, listening to your body, and stopping when you feel like it.

#4

Give up delivery and start preparing your own meals instead.

#5

Stop weighing yourself as a means of measuring your progress. For a while I was focused on making my weight number constantly decrease. When I stopped looking at that and just focused on being healthy — eating right, fruits and veggies for snacks, exercising — that was when I started losing weight and feeling better!

#6

Swap “boredom eating” with other mindless (or productive) tasks. [I stopped] snacking when I was bored, became more aware of what I was doing, and I soon realized I wasn’t actually hungry. I was just restless and wanted something to do while I relaxed. So I replaced snacking with painting my nails. It’s also become kind of a fun thing I do for myself. When I’m at the store and trying to make healthy decisions, I will reward myself with a new color. Essie has become my preferred reward, as opposed to a ‘cheat meal’!

You can practice being more mindful in the way you eat simply by slowing down and concentrating on your plate. Let yourself be immersed in flavors, textures, tastes, and smells. Think of how the bite melts into your mouth and what kind of nutritional value you get from it.

Also, you need to learn to trust your body. Our bodies are smart mechanisms that can signal both hunger and fullness, except we sometimes prefer not to listen to them. In reality, when the mind tells you to grab another piece of cake, you may ask your body if it really wants one. You may be surprised by the answer.

#7

Skip escalators and elevators. I took the stairs EVERYWHERE! I worked on the sixth floor when I started this endeavor. I had to start getting to work earlier than normal just to make sure I’d make it up in time without being disgustingly sweaty. I lost 40 pounds in the first eight months and now I’m running half marathons multiple times per year!

#8

Water is your friend

Image credits: stop_being_ugly

#9

Cut down on sugar. “Trying to eat healthier foods” is good to do, but it’s also vague. For example, I’ve seen people go on strict low-carb diets and drink insane amounts of Gatorade. There are tons of things you wouldn’t expect to have a lot of sugar in them, too- it’s not always the obvious stuff like cookies.

Image credits: foreverfremdshamen

#10

Ditch the soda, seriously. I decided to give up soda for Lent since I had one almost every day at lunch. After the first two weeks I lost 10 pounds! When it was over I honestly didn’t even crave it all at anymore. That was years ago and now the taste of soda is always too much sweetness in a drink for me.

#11

There are no bad vs good foods.

Try to eat a balanced diet of fruits and vegetables, but if you want a donut and it fits into your daily caloric intake, eat the fucking donut. Don’t demonize food. Learn about nutrition, drink plenty of water, and exercise.

Image credits: trolldoll26

#12

Ditch friends who sabotage you or try to keep you from progressing on your goal. If you’re 180 pounds of fat and they say you’re getting too skinny they’re not trying to help you.

Image credits: _ImperialScout_

#13

Buy smaller plates.

I don’t hear this one too often, but it’s basically an aide to the common “Eat smaller portions” advice. Willing yourself to eat smaller portions can be difficult, but a smaller plate can look full with less food on it, and that can have a very real psychological effect. You still get that “I cleaned my whole plate” satisfaction, but you’ve eaten less to get it.

Image credits: Gluttony4

#14

Patience. Losing weight (especially a significant amount of weight) takes a considerable amount of time.

I lost 60 pounds, but it took upwards of 16 months of constant work. It was a shade under a pound a week.

Image credits: Neb810

#15

Stop forcing yourself to go to the gym if you hate it, and find an exercise you actually enjoy. I gave up trying to enjoy the gym and found things I actually like doing! What a difference! I’ve lost 30 pounds simply by finding exercise I enjoy, such as hiking, biking, yoga, swimming, snowshoeing, and kayaking, among other things. Now I crave exercise and can’t wait for my next workout session, because nothing feels like a workout anymore!

#16

Start taking your coffee black. Started drinking black coffee instead of having it with cream and sugar or the flavored creamers.

#17

Full disclosure, am still fat (currently 301 pounds), but I have lost 50 pounds since my highest weight and am working on the remainder. Here is what is working for me: 1.) Track everything. Get an app, or a journal. Write down everything that goes in your mouth. You don’t need to track calories at first if you’re not used to it. Just write down what you eat. Be honest, don’t cheat. 2.) Learn your triggers. What makes you eat? Is it normal hunger? Did you have a bad day at work? Did you fight with your SO? Are you “treating” yourself because you accomplished something? 3.) Redirect yourself. Don’t be idle. If you sit in front of the TV and snack, start cross-stitching, knitting, paint-by-number, F**KING SOMETHING that gets you occupied while sitting and watching the latest mind-numbing crime drama. 4.) Make a plan. Meal plan for a week, or be ambitious and do a whole month. Plan what you’re going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Make a grocery list. ALWAYS GO GROCERY SHOPPING WITH A LIST. Never have to ask yourself “oh what’s for dinner? what do we have anyway? am i going to have to buy x ingredient? f**k it, I’ll just order a pizza”. Include eating out in your meal plan. 5.) Move a little. You don’t have to run a marathon. Just move more. Walk further. Do yoga in the morning. Just something to remind your body that it has a purpose. All I do is yoga in the morning and walk to and from the bus stop. 6.) Start small. Don’t make a goal to lose 100 pounds. Make a goal to lose 5 pounds. That’s a bag of potatoes. Those are huge and heavy! 5 pounds is a huge accomplishment. I never set a goal for myself except to lose 5 pounds at a time. Lose 5 pounds, drop one pants size, walk around the block without stopping, jog for 90 seconds. These are tiny goals that when added to incrementally make a HUGE DIFFERENCE. 7.) Ignore everyone else. Don’t buy some junk your Aunt Marcy promises will cleanse your colon. Don’t let your coworkers tell you “oh you look so good you don’t need to lose weight”. Don’t let your family say “but grandma made this chocolate cake just for you”. THIS STEP DOES NOT APPLY TO MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS SUCH AS A DOCTOR OR CERTIFIED NUTRITIONIST. The world wants to sabotage you. Listen to people that you pay money to to take care of you. 8.) Forgive yourself. This is the most important step. Love yourself as you are now. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are important. You are a human being. You will move forward but you will have bad days. You will struggle and you will hate yourself for making a bad choice. You will fall down sometimes. But life is a series of failures and lessons. Life is a long journey and weight loss is a lifestyle change, a transformation, and those don’t happen quickly. It will take longer than you think it will. And that’s OKAY. You are doing your best and you will reap the rewards SOMEDAY. Don’t be in a hurry. Enjoy the journey.

Image credits: bigdamncat

#18

unless you’re Chris Traeger you’re gonna f**k up. it took me two years of trying to get the momentum I needed to lose 110 pounds. I’ve got 50 to go and I’ve lost that momentum and it’s taken me a few months to get back in the swing of it. [Messing] up is a part of progress and progress isn’t linear.

Image credits: MichyMc

#19

The 70% rule

Eat 70% of the meal. Take a break and talk for a while drink some water and enjoy the moment for a bit. You’ll find that the majority of the time the food will settle in your stomach and you won’t be hungry anymore.

Edit: many are saying it’s a waste of food but I never said that. Get a to-go box and take it home.

Image credits: Pizanch

#20

Remove the sugar. Once you do that, it’s stupid easy. It’s not a secret, but it’s rare for people to really do it. We all scramble around trying to find a trick to avoid doing just that. Lost 60lb and kept them off. For the past year and a half I’ve been eating less than 10 grams of added sugar per day, no exceptions. After the first 2 weeks, it gets pretty easy. After about 2 months, the idea of eating sugary [crap] feels pretty repulsive. After a year, it’s a no-brainer.

Image credits: fixittillitbreaks

#21

It’s a lifestyle change. It’s not something you can do for a while and then be done with it. You need to continue to eat mindfully and exercise in order to maintain your weight once you’ve lost the excess.

Image credits: LeftWren

#22

Don’t drink calories

Image credits: LordTachanka_LmgMaL

#23

My mum says “Motivation helps to lose the weight but discipline is what keeps it off.”

Image credits: Rithims

#24

Walking. It’s so underrated. Anyone can do it, can be done anywhere and it’s free.

What I’ve been doing is leaving early for my bus to work and walking 30 mins along the route before catching my bus. On the way home I’ll get off early and walk 30 mins home again. Adds an hour of walking a day with very little disruption to my daily routine. That plus eating better and I’ve lost a stone in about 5/6 weeks

Image credits: JiMMyCCuDDa

#25

Meal Prepping. You would be surprised how much control you give yourself over your calories when you plan ahead. It also saves a lot of time and money.

Image credits: totspur1982

#26

Don’t look in the mirror. This was sophomore year of college and my roommate didn’t have a full-length mirror to hang in our room, and neither did I. Without it, I discovered that I could mark my progress based on how I felt rather than how I looked. This was great because it prevented me from being discouraged when I didn’t see results right away. Looking back on it now, not having the opportunity to constantly glance at my reflection actually played a pretty key role in my success. I ended up losing around 40 pounds total.

#27

Treat yourself really well. Be easy and gentle with your thoughts, then the decision to eat healthful foods will be easier to sustain.

#28

Make sure you’re actually drinking enough water. I realized I was terrible at it and it’s so stupid. I bought some 32-ounce bottles and put labels on them, so I have to drink 8 ounces by certain time points, fill up the bottle and do it again to get 64 ounces in a day. I feel a lot better and have an easier time exercising now that I’m not chronically dehydrated.

#29

Quit fad diets for good. I had lost weight before on really restrictive diets like the Dukan diet and then just gained it all back as soon as I was allowed my regular foods again. By deciding to quit the fad diets and eating smaller portions and mostly unprocessed foods, I found it was a whole lot easier to lose weight, I felt much healthier and the weight stayed off!

#30

Replace “I wish” with “I will.” I used to always say, ‘I wish I looked like that.’ Or I would look at people on Instagram who had lost 100 pounds and I would think, I wish I could do that. And then finally it just hit me. Stop wishing for it and just do it. Replacing ‘I wish’ with ‘I will’ has helped me make actual goals that I am on the way to achieving. I have been working out six days a week and watching what I eat for over a month now and I have lost over 20 pounds. I am so excited to see where I WILL be in a year!

#31

Chew flavored gum to keep your mouth busy and overcome eating addiction. It’s so much easier to quit chewing gum I find.

Image credits: unknown

#32

Do simple exercises like push-ups and sit-ups every night. Start out with low numbers and by the end you’ll be able to do 100+ push-ups a day. It’s just involves making it a part of your routine.

#33

Realizing that you CAN actually control your body weight. You are in the driver seat. Eat 2000 calories but burn 2500 calories a day? You WILL lose weight.

There is no secret to losing weight. End of the day it’s Cals in vs Cals out. The control and results are addicting.

Source: Lost 50 pounds in the past year.

#34

Stop buying your go-to unhealthy snacks so you’re not even tempted. The only snack food I keep in the house now is cottage cheese, Triscuit crackers, fruit, hummus, English muffins, and veggies.

#35

I think a lot of people go into dieting with a mentality of “I’m going to diet constantly until I hit my goal weight” and either end up stopping along the way or putting the weight back on within a year or two of reaching their goal. What I have found that helped me was stopping my diet every 3-4 weeks and having a period just trying to maintain that particular weight before I start up again on my diet. It has helped me keep things under control and it’s nice to have a little break from a diet every once in awhile.

Image credits: ElPapiGrande

#36

Be prepared for the psychological barriers you will face if you are dieting. People will pressure you to eat badly all the time without really realizing it – when you go over to your parents’ for Thanksgiving, when your co-workers go out for drinks and wings after work, when your partner wants to go out to eat and celebrate something, when you go over to a friends’ house for a dinner party.

People think they are being nice to you when they say that one piece of cake or big meal won’t kill you and you should just go for it. In other circumstances, they just won’t realize that are making you feel like a diva or a wet blanket when you don’t eat what they clearly want you to. You have to be prepared for these curveballs or they can undo everything.

Most diets are designed for you to be able to construct your meals basically from scratch at home, or consume something prepackaged. But for many people their lifestyle and social life just can’t accommodate that enough. You need to learn to have backup plans that don’t make you feel like an ass or a killjoy. Plans can involve eating before, deciding what you eat when you get there, and how to talk to other people about it so everyone is comfortable. It takes some effort, but you get the hang of it pretty fast if you work on it.

Image credits: zazzlekdazzle

#37

(Not fat, just had a brief “chubby” phase in my teens, but I cured it fast.)

My tip: don’t snack. it’s easier than you think.

Eat your breakfast, lunch, dinner. In between those, stay the hell out of the kitchen and eliminate snacking as an option at all. Stay busy with life and fun. Don’t wander around your house bored and depressed until you find yourself making peanut butter toast with cookies or chips. Just GTFO of the kitchen and into a life of some sort.

The bulk of the magic is in the diet, not exercise. It’s a hell of a lot easier/quicker to refrain from eating 500 extra calories than it is to eat it then try to burn off 500 extra calories.

So when you’re done a meal, brush your teeth and get on with your day.

#38

My trainer wanted me to run, but I just could not for the absolute life of me get into the habit of running. So I would do this walking / running interval. I still hated it

So I decided to just cycle instead. Yes it burns fewer calories than running but you know what, I actually do cardio when I’m cycling. With running I wouldn’t really do it, I’d be like “meh I can skip it today.”

#39

Cut down on beer.

Drink only water

Burn more calories than I consume

Eat smaller meals

Go hiking as much as possible in preferably challenging terrain.

Pull up bar.

I’ve went from 198-163 since the end of May and I look pretty damn fine now.

Also, mind numbing depression helps with the hunger…

#40

Don’t stop at home before going to the gym after work or class. I cut out the middle step of going home before working out and started going to the gym straight from work. If I set foot in my apartment, all intentions of going to the gym fall by the wayside because my bed and Netflix always sound like better alternatives. Going to the gym straight from work helped me get into a routine, and in just over a year, I’ve lost 45-plus pound

#41

Ditch alcohol

#42

Cut back on foods with added sugar. I got rid of added/extra sugar during Lent one year. This meant no desserts, no soda, no syrup, etc. Fresh fruit was OK and I used yogurt with the least amount of sugar to satisfy my sweet tooth. In 40 days, with minimal exercise outside of gym class in high school, I lost 20 pounds.

#43

Feeling hungry for a bit won’t kill you. Drink water and deal with it.

Image credits: Kitehammer

#44

Soda has to go, period. Sure you could balance it into you calorie counting but why bother when you could fill it with stuff that makes you feel better

#45

If you want to lose weight, start by honestly counting your calories. You dont need to cut back what you eat, just keep track. Keep doing this for 2-3 weeks. By doing this, you are showing yourself just how much you are consuming.

From there, establish a small goal for yourself, e.g. 2100 calories per day. Keep track and measure your calories honestly. It’s okay if you dont meet your goal every day, but aim for most days.

Once you are comfortable at that level, lower it a bit further down, to say 1800. Keep this up and repeat until you reach 1600, 1400, or 1200 calories per day.

Take time to work your way down. Dont deprive yourself of a once in a while treat. The end goal is not to hit a point and then go back to eating how you did when you started, it’s about changing how you eat permanently. Sustainability for how you eat is what it’s all about.

Personally, my goal is 1300/day and after doing this for 2 years, it has become normal. A bad cheat day for me is 1600-1900 calories, which is in line with what my body needs (BMR).

The hardest part of this process is being honest with what you are eating and sticking with your goals.

#46

Treat working out as a social activity. One of my friends got a Groupon deal for a gym, and about five of us signed up. I joined purely to hang out with the boys after work instead of going home and browsing the web. We started going every evening, and within a few weeks I started noticing significant differences (as all beginners can relate).

A month later, I signed up for a gym closer to work and started eating better. Now, four years later, I have lost 100 pounds of fat, and put on over 25 pounds of muscle.”

#47

“You can’t lose weight unless you are hungry.” Accept it and deal with it.

Image credits: reddit

This content was originally published here.

[hotelsweet]

Prompt: amy having a bad panic attack at home before jake is home from work and he walks in and sees her on the floor hyperventilating

thank you!! I was worried I wouldn’t get this one... right? idk it took me a moment but I got there eventuallyThe last fifteen minutes of Amy Santiago’s evening have passed by in a whirring, gut-wrenching blur, fear and worry kicking and twisting at her insides until she can barely think straight.

Perhaps that’s how she ended up on the floor, she thinks, cradling her knees so tight her fingernails dig through the fabric of her sweats.

The breathing exercises aren’t helping anymore- her chest is tightening, her muscles are freezing, that horrendous overwhelming desire to become smaller, smaller, begging in desperation at the back of her head.

She’s dealt with this long enough- an occasional panic attack or an anxious breakdown isn’t exactly unheard of, working in the line of duty. Let them come, let them go.

She should be grateful, she supposes; she hasn’t had one this bad for months. Then again, she hasn’t worked a case as haunting, as difficult, as dragging, in months. Normally, though, it’ll overwhelm her, take over, and then she can get it out of her system. Once it’s done she’ll feel ill, horrifyingly exhausted, let herself rest without the threat of those battery-powered alarms, if she can, then get back to her life.

But this, this one here, now, it isn’t going away.

And she’s got no idea what to do.

The light in her apartment, coming only from a lamp by herTV, is dim- she’d walked through the door,been greeted with the set of PJs Jake had left out for her (folded, on the armof the couch, sweats on top- just how she likes it), somehow managed to change,and hurried into the kitchen for water, leaving no time to switch any otherlights on.

Amy chokes back air as her chest sharply constricts.

A wave of anxiety has been building all week. Lack of sleep.Lack of proper nutrition. Oh, and the hugely mangled body of a young man thatshe had to see at their crime scene this morning.

The young man that looked so familiar. So familiar that fora moment, she could have sworn it washer brother. Almost nothing in her career so far has ever had her thatfrightened, hit as close to home, made her want to shrivel up and run away andfight all at the same time.

The thought of it almost makes her heave- she’d thrown up at the crime scene, andshe doesn’t doubt she’ll throw up again tonight. Right now,though, she’s scared, so fucking scared, and her breath issqueezing its way out of her body and she swearsshe’ll suffocate, right here-

“Ames?! Oh my god,” Jake’s voicejumps quickly from alarm into concern as he enters the apartment.

As she lifts her head to see him, she feels the exposure ofthe tears streaming down her cheeks. She must be choking, because he keeps tellingher to breathe- she can’t besure; everything seems so immensely focused on the fear coursing through herveins that she’s not entirely sure what herbody’s doing anymore.

“Come here, come here, I’ve got you,” he reassures her, coming down onto the floor where she sits,pulling her into his arms. The calmness in his voice helps, but even like thisshe knows it’s not real. “Hands.”

“I can’t-”

“You can. Hands. Floor. C’mon,” hesays gently, placing his own hands over hers, warmth flooding over from histouch. He grazes his thumbs over the back of her hands as he takes her handsand presses them onto the cold kitchen floor. This immediately soothes her, amovement to which she’s grownaccustomed, a shared motion meant just for the two of them. “Try and feel how still the floor is,Amy. It’s okay. It’s all okay. I’m here.”

The clamminess of her fingers adds a certain level of discomfortas she curls them into the cheap, cool linoleum of her kitchen floor. With herhead buried against his neck, her senses begin to trickle back, the thrummingof terror in her head beginning, gradually, to pass- she can feel the fresh raindropson the leather of his jacket pressing into her forehead, faintly smell hiscologne, feel his words reverberate from his throat against her face.

He’srepeating the same words, the ones he knows work best, over and over, and she’s not sure how long it takes, but herbreathing begins to come back, fitting a rhythm she recognises as her own.

“It looked…” She tries to explain herself, but she feels so sick, and he’s here in front of her, on his knees,holding her- she can’t besick here.

“It’s okay, let yourself come down first, then we’ll talk.”

“No, Jake… it was him.” Her voice is weak, and shehates it, hates how pathetic she sounds, but knows she’ll have to deal with it- her breathing’s coming back, the world is startingto slow, and that’s all that matters.

“It wasn’t him, Ames. I promise. I promise,” he repeats himself, quieter thistime, squeezing her hands gently where he rubs them.

He moves from in front of her and sits next to her instead,so she can fall against him. Lightly, he brushes his fingers through her hair.When she looks up at him, he’swatching her with the kind of concern that gives that perfect Jake-ishjuxtaposition of childlike worry and experienced maturity, combining to producethe loyalty and protectiveness she knows of him so well. Briefly, these worriedeyes meet hers- he presses a firm, certain kiss into her forehead, and sherests against him once more.

They stay like this for a few minutes, perhaps longer.

Amy’s onlyglad it’s passed, that she canbreathe, that he’s here. Lord only knowshow bad she’d be if he hadn’t come home, if she didn’t have him there, a man who’s seen her this way and knows everysingle way to help her get better.

“Rosa told you?” she asks, a good ten minutes ofsilence later. Her voice comes out in a croak; she’s been crying harder than she realised.

“She said…” Jake’s faceprocesses this for a minute, as though he’s notsure whether he should answer. “Shesaid that the body looked so close to Rafael that even she thought it was him for a moment.”

Amy shudders at this reminder.

“I’d never forgive myself…” shemurmurs quietly.

She’s notsure she makes sense, but in the warmth of his hold and the way he pulls hercloser she knows he understands- a lingering fear for those you love is part ofthis job, always has been, always will be.

“Your brothers are all safe,Ames. They’re okay. They won’t get hurt,” he says, and though they’re bothaware he’s making promises he can’t keep, she can feel it helping. “I won’t letthem get hurt.”

They stay this way for a while, him reassuring her, talkingquietly where she can, so exhausted she feels ill. Eventually, he helps her up,walks her across the hall and into her room, where she climbs into bed.

He pulls off her socks delicately and hands her a makeupwipe, with which she meekly rubs her face- it’seffort, but he knows she’ll notbe able to sleep with even a smear of product on her face.

Sleep wrenches at her from the inside out, as though her bodyhas screamed for help so hard it can’tfunction anymore. The blankets of her bed feel softer, warmer- and that’s only partially because he’s in bed with her, fully dressed, holdingher as she falls asleep. Her lids are heavy, but she manages to voice the onethought left in her numbed-out mind:

“I love you.”

A kiss behind her ear, a murmured repeat of those samewords, tell her that he’sthere. It’s all she needs.

Perhaps all she’ll everneed.

[travelerwithacause-blog]

The Culture of Kindness

Hello you beautiful humans and thank you for being rad enough to take the time to read my posts. I know that they’re nothing professional or marvelous, but I enjoy writing them. As it turns out, this is a fun, and semi-creative way for me to recall the “adventures” I’m having here.

As most of you know I have been volun-working at Missionvale Care Centre since July 3rd. Now let me tell you, I have loved every moment of my time here, but it is NOT what I had expected it to be. Upon my arrival at Missionvale I had all sorts of ideas and plans for what I wanted to do. Turns out those things are not the things that are needed at Missionvale. So I have abandoned any thoughts of doing things focused on nutrition or gardening; instead I have switched modes and focused on helping the Health Promotion Team with the things that they are doing. For example, they wanted to teach the young girls about their periods. So I helped! Definitely not something I ever thought I would help with, but I did! I actually ended up drawing a poster-size uterus for their class, and I am proud to say that it was laminated!!! It was quite entertaining attempting to draw such a large uterus and learning the names of everything in Afrikaans…kind of.

For those of you that are not so fortunate as to have experienced South African culture, I will tell you know it is truly wonderful, it is also quite relaxed and not always the most organized. That last word organized that’s where I begin to struggle. For any of you that know me and know how I like to work, you’ll know that I like things to be organized and planned out. That’s just not how things work here. It’s more like hurry up and wait to do something that’ll you will be told only moments before you do it. I will confess, I hated this when I first arrived and there are days that I struggle with it still, nevertheless it is teaching me and I am learning. What’s that saying that so many older adults have told me most of my life…patience is a virtue…yeah, I’m learning just how true that is. I feel though, that even if it makes me go slightly crazy, that it is good for me. It is something that I’m hoping to bring home with me. If only I could bring the relaxed pace as well; American’s seriously do need to learn how to slow down and just enjoy what they do and enjoy the life that they are living. So much of life passes us by without us even realizing it, it’s a real shame.

I feel very fortunate to be volun-working at Missionvale Care Centre. Waking up at 6:30 every morning and going in to cut loaves of bread in half may not be the most exciting thing in the world, but that’s just the start of the day. All good things come in time after a little bit of hard work. The good things that often times follow the 6:30 A.M. alarm are the smiling faces, the jokes, and the family in this community that I am obtaining. To be able to go into a place that just seven and half weeks ago was really quite unfamiliar to me and see faces that I know, friends that speak languages so different from my own and yet are patient with me as we work together to have conversations….the feeling cannot be put into words. This really is something that one must experience for one’s self in order to truly understand. Seeing familiar faces, that pick you out of all the volunteers just because the two of you have been working on words and sayings in Afrikaans and know that we must practice each day, oh man, my heart swells with love. Seeing the same kids at the end of the day, every day and becoming a human jungle gym and having seven amateur hairstylists all at once-it’s just perfect. I’m telling you guys, if you haven’t done something like this in your lifetime, you should really give it a shot. It doesn’t have to be for three months, a month even is great. You’ll make lifetime friends in a world so different from your own, it makes me mean a whole heck of a lot more! I pinky promise.

 Another rather important piece of South African culture is rugby. On August 19th I had the opportunity to attend my very first international rugby match, South Africa vs. Argentina. It was in the stadium here in Port Elizabeth that was built for the 2010 Soccer World Cup. I’m pretty sure there were somewhere around 40,000 people at this match. It was PACKED! The vibes were so great throughout the whole match; watching the Springboks (S.A.) win 37-15, wooo, it was great. The rugby fans are about as good at the actual sport as well! South Africans in general, at least from my experience, are very kind people in general. Then bond together over a love a rugby and you basically have BFF status with everyone. One example of a South African rugby fan’s kindness can be described through a short story. I was able to take a good friend of mine with me to the match, afterwards we had a drink at a rad little place and then went on over to a restaurant called Flava. My friend happens to be best friends with a couple of the waitresses at this restaurant, so despite it being closed when we got there, we were still allowed to sit at a table and order wine and desserts. There was a table a three older men sitting at the table next to us, they had clearly been to the match and two of the three had enjoyed a few drinks. The oldest gentleman, and most sober, started chatting with us, asking about the match and all sorts of nice things. After a bit as our lovely waitress took our orders for our desserts, he decided that we needed a dessert platter for the two of us to share. He spoke to the chef himself and had it all arranged for us. At the end of the night when it came time for us to pay we found out that we only had to pay for our wine, the lovely gentleman had paid for our dessert platter and never said a word about it! It really was the cherry on top of a perfect evening.

Ahck! I nearly forgot to tell all of you about the Kasi Hop! The Kasi Hop was the evening before the rugby match. Back home there are often pub crawls or bar crawls. These are pretty normal and are usually for one thing or another; fundraisers, company bonding, shits and giggles, etc. The Kasi Hop is a “shabeen crawl”! A shabeen is the name for a bar in a township. *Quick history lesson: townships are the areas that black people were forced to move to during apartheid. People were forced to build shacks/homes out of whatever supplies they could find. Many blacks still live in the townships to this day.* Now, normally a white person wouldn’t be in a shabeen as it probably wouldn’t be terribly safe. Have no fear, the Kasi Hop is a very safe way for us young international (and mostly white) kids to experience the shabeens! A lovely lady named Joy organizes the Kasi Hop and hosts the group at her home where her and her parents provide a nice, South African dinner before going into the township of New Brighton to the shabeens. She has rules such as, no bags, cell phones, or cameras leave her house. She does this so that no one loses anything too important while in the townships, personally I think it’s smart and kind of her. We visited three different shabeens; the first two were quite similar, the third was very modern and yet it was nearly empty. I’m not entirely sure why, maybe it was more expensive, who knows. Our last stop was back to the first shabeen we went to, it was a little odd at first, but ended up being nice because we recognized some of the faces. We did manage to get the full shabeen experience when we went back though. These two guys started fighting and naturally a crowd gathered around them, then all of the sudden everyone back up and Joy’s brother came over to myself and another girl and told us that we had to back up “right now”. Not being able to see what exactly was going on, we were a bit confused. We finally got one of the people around us to tell us what was going on…as it turns out, one of the two guys in the fight pulled out a gun! It was a bit crazy. Not for a second did I find the situation scary, the locals didn’t really give me the chance to be scared. They protected all of us as if we were their own family. They knew that we were visitors and apparently that meant that we were going to receive extra protection. I’m not going to lie, it was incredible to see. All of these people, total strangers to us, putting us before themselves and not thinking twice about it. I mean, how often does that happen, how often do you or I think ‘that if something bad is going to happen, I’m going to protect the person next to me first?’-it was so amazing. It goes back to how kind the culture is here.

  Well folks, that’s it for now. Thanks for sticking with me on this journey. Each of you are amazing and I love you.

  Ubuntu.

[rebuildingability]

The Culture of Shame - and How to Stop Absolutely Hating Yourself

The shower water is running, and I’m standing in front of my bathroom mirror. The water still runs as I’m silently judging myself while trying to stand up straighter. I’m looking at myself wondering if I’m the only one who gets stuck in his own thought bubble of questioning their self-worth based on the physical appearance of their body. No. Probably not. I’ve now somehow convinced myself that I’m the only person on earth that wants to look or feel differently. I’m holding my breath trying to straighten my back while I notice the dirty laundry on my bathroom floor.

 ---

 We live in a world of pervasive self-documentation and scoring. The epitome of my generation is the class warfare we’ve brought upon ourselves with the advent of Instagram likes and comments. It is only natural that this greenhouse of constant self-scoring leads to a culture of tailored shame. That is, we view a systemic process of capture, edit, post with such gravity and importance that it creates an entire culture of be better. I like to credit Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly and other incredible works, with a fantastic definition of shame. She defines shame as, “... the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” I want to talk about how shame, the human body, and the realization of purpose can come from living with a physical disability.

 I used to think that there was no point in trying to become physically well - stronger, faster, more stable. When you’re raised with doctors telling you that there’s little chance of ever walking normally, lifting anything heavy, or being able to live any sort of life that an “able” person might live, it would seem easier to just accept the cards dealt - and internalize your own needs and desires. Add to this the greenhouse of self-scoring, and you have yourself a nice cocktail of constant doubt and questioning. Shame is a dangerous road. It starts with the little ways we tell ourselves that we don’t really care what someone else thinks - that it doesn’t matter to us. But at the end of the day, it somehow does. Because that’s how shame works. No matter what, you’ll never be enough. And as I’m looking in the mirror trying to straighten my back and stand upright, I wonder if the 6-foot-tall athletic guy effortlessly picking up his perfect girlfriend while they’re on the beach ever doubts himself, too. I wonder if he, with fully working legs and a strong back, ever thinks that his girlfriend might want to be with someone else.

 Cerebral palsy makes itself known in little ways. Going to the gym used to feel like convincing myself that if I just lift one more rep, then CP will magically just melt off of me - and I’ll walk of the the free weight room with some existential realization that this has just been in my head for 23 years. It’s tripping up the stairs when I’m not focusing on where I’m placing my feet. It’s watching as other people dance at a party, and I’m wondering what people are thinking as I’m sitting on a couch. It’s trying to figure out the best time to tell a girl from Bumble that the thing she’s staring at is actually not contagious - that she won’t “catch” a limp if she touches me. I’m in the middle of the last rep promising myself that this is some brand of “self-care” - and that the next time I’m staring at my naked body in my bathroom mirror, I’ll be happier.

 This is what shame does. Shame convinces us that it is on us to become good enough. Body shame lies to us and says that, because of our body, we will not be loved until we change ____. I’m not writing this to tell you that I have a magical answer on how to become completely impervious to shame. I do believe, though, that I have a couple things to share along the lines of what Brene calls “shame resiliency” - the ability to combat shame as it rears its ugly head in our lives. If you’d like to call these “Steps to Not Hating Yourself” - go ahead.

 Be honest about where you’re at. Admitting brokenness was the first step in all of this. It was the first step to truly believing that I could write my story with a purpose - rather than a quasi-seductive, OdysseyOnline pity party written from the eyes of an upper middle-class white guy. I had to learn to admit that, yes, my body is in some ways very different from other men and women around me. Admitting to myself that I have limitations - things that I literally cannot do - cleared my vision so that I could see where I wanted to go. I think the saying is true (albeit paraphrased): “Limitations set you free.”

 Learn to actually enjoy the process in everything. In college I began to realize that sometimes, doctors are wrong. They tell you that you’ll never do a list of things that “able bodied” people can do - and you believe it because they went to school for seven years. I had mentioned before that my exposure to Pilates opened a door to strength and healing. It also showed me that a non-progressive disorder can be battled by tailoring exercises and a nutrition plan. Going to the gym regularly is like learning a new language. First it’s awkward and nonsensical, and your accent is terrible. But then, as you begin to widen your vocabulary and learn syntax, things start to make sense. Nothing good was made overnight, and that applies to you, too.

 Stop trying to hide your wants and needs. By admitting needs and desires, we can start to empower ourselves to become resilient to the monster of shame - resilient to the Instagram culture that tells us our bodies are supposed to look and behave a certain way. We are programmed to believe that admitting we need something is somehow a version of weakness - that revealing a need or want is automatically the result of lack of “grit”.  I struggle, like anyone else, in being honest with myself. But reminding myself that it’s human and okay to have desires helped me to see where I have lied to myself. And it was there, in both admitting brokenness and facing my needs directly, that I saw the lie of shame: you will never move from this very point. Ever.

 Shame is an ugly lie that masks itself in platitudes like “Well, if you were just better looking, or stronger, or smarter - you’d be able to ____.” The next time you are staring at yourself in the mirror - standing there naked wondering if you’re worthy, try reminding yourself that you won’t move an entire mountain in a single day - that your worthiness isn’t tied to a culture of self-scoring. Cerebral palsy, and all that it entails, is a confusing and frustrating maze - but it’s still teaching me a few things about strength. I still get angry. I still cry. I still have dreams, wants, needs, and desires just like anyone else in the gym or coffee shop. But these are a few things I’m starting to learn.

[cherrycoke-andmercury]

why am i having trouble "reaching my goals"-

are my "goals" actually my goals? the goals i'm talking about are fitness & health related. the goals that i am having trouble reaching are my goals. i believe that fear is holding me back.. i'm scared to reach my potential for some reason.. when i was a teen i couldn't wait to be 18 & move out & have my own ideas completely & do my own thing. but now, many years later, i don't feel like i can do much on my own.. i hold myself back.. i believe that i have some psychological issues keeping me from doing the necessary work to reach these fitness & health goals. so yes, my goals are actually my goals- even though they seem like mere ambitions- b/c the "goals" are things i want or want to accomplish.

what are my "goals" (the ones that i'm not reaching)? i guess i should say that my number one goal would be to eat better, b/c i truly believe that is the thing that is setting me back. if accomplishing my goals is 20% gym & 80% diet then i've already set myself up for failure.. my main goal is to "get healthier" by which i mean have better endurance, strength, stamina, happier overall.. i want to lose 70 lbs at least. this can only be reached if i'm in a caloric deficit.. which is why my number one goal needs to be eating better and staying on track with nutrition. (i say it needs to be, but really the thing i want most is to lose weight & feel better)

can you be more specific about what your goals are?- - lose 70 lbs - be toned; muscular; i want the line in my back to show muscles and big legs and butt with smaller waist - have a better mindset regarding food so that i don't use it as a coping tool or anything

why do i want to reach "these goals"? i believe that my body is not attractive. i don't feel sexy or attractive. i think that if i was "smaller" and more "in shape" i would feel more attractive, and maybe even sexy. i think that if i had a body like the girls i see on instagram, i would feel sexy.

why is that important to you? feeling attractive is important to me because it makes me feel good about myself when i know that others think i'm attractive. this is a bit loaded, as i have self esteem issues, but mainly i do not find myself attractive. i pick myself apart but i don't like the way my body is shaped. its important for my own self esteem and feeling of self worth to look and feel sexy and attractive. when i look better, and feel better (as far as natural energy and overall love/vibrancy for life) i feel better overall- like, i feel motivated, inspiring, like i'm "doing something."

and why is THAT important? i don't want to waste my life. i feel like i actually just recently realized how important it is for me to set a plan of action and start doing it, because my whole life prior to this past month or so i didn't see a future at all.. i honestly did not want to live at all. i have thought, for almost 20 years (at least 15) that i would kill myself one day. so i never had a reason to plan for the future. i never wanted to get married, or have kids either. but now, i found someone who i do want to marry, who i do want to have kids with, because i love him so much that it all changed my mind.. he makes me want to be a better person, and i know that he loves me anyway (even if i don't change). he doesn't judge me and he supports me (even if it feels hard to receive sometimes). so, it's important for me to get healthier (and more in shape and feel sexy and good about myself) b/c i want to enjoy my life. i don't enjoy my life when i'm constantly running from my problems by eating the emotions, i don't feel good about myself when i'm stagnant and unfocused. i feel better about myself when i'm bettering myself. i see my partner bettering himself and i feel like i need to match the work he's putting in.

what can i do to change it so i can reach "these goals"? - meal prep so i don't have any excuses of what i'm eating when it comes to meal time [set aside time to cook and prep every few days] - keep track of my progress so that i see i am progressing from week to week - eat better. don't be snacking crazy. stay on track w/ my nutrition goals. - drink more water. i would like to set a certain amount as a goal & stick to it. - stop putting myself down- lift myself up by focusing on the positives & what i'm doing to get where i need to be. - have a list / chart of things that needs to be done daily, weekly, monthly. [this includes house work, and extremely detailed diet and workout plan.]

what are the 5 main things i need to do to reach these goals? - keep detailed log of my progress. good or bad. track every meal and detail EVERYTHING. [this involves me getting out of my head in regard to WHY i'm tracking. it was once a bad thing for me since i was anorexic. that was so long ago though. tracking isn't to shame myself, but rather to clearly and honestly see where i am at so that i can change what needs to be changed.... it's all about being honest, b/c if i want to reach these goals i have to be transparent & stick to the schedule. that is the only way.] - be objective when i am tracking everything [and when reading back the data]. don't put myself down for any reason. just look at it as facts. it's just numbers & details that help us see where we're at so we can make sure if we are going where we need to. there's nothing GOOD or BAD about it. it's just details. so if it's just details to track and measure progress, and we don't deserve rewards or punishment for it, then we can adjust the plan accordingly & reach the goals we have. - set up a direct plan of action and tackle it to hell. each detail of the plan is devised with my best in mind. i am setting myself up to win. i want to win at life, so i must follow the plan. the plan is only mine, it is my own, i make it what it is, and i want to win so i choose to follow the plan. - be grateful for the entire process. i used to not want to exist, but now i see why. i had to meet taylor and learn what i had to learn. so much has happened. my eyes were opened. taylor is my flame and we need to do what we need to do (separately as well as together) to ascend higher. i know that there is a lot to tackle, and when emotions get in the way we spaz out, but i believe that we are such strong individuals that have already been through hell & back... this is actually a joy ride, if you think about it. i have everything that i wanted ... i live in the highlands, i have an amazing boyfriend who shares the same goals and desires as me, even though we don't talk "as much as i'd like to" i know that i can rely on him to if i need to, and he's not perfect but he is spiritually open and evolving the same as i am. we were meant for each other, we were meant to cheer each other on, and be there for one another. this is my duty to fulfill.. me reaching my goals is actually required of me, more than i [have] realize[d before].. i am alive and i am grateful for everything that has happened.. i must remember this.. this is my "2nd chance".. i'm living proof that "it gets better" and my dream life is literally at my finger tips... on the other side of my fear... - stop looking at this as punishment, and realize this is my reward. knowing all that i know i must be able to see that this realization and the act of living out all of the above, in order to reach my goals, is in itself the reward. the reward is not the "final product" by which i mean me hitting my goal of losing all the weight. no. the reward is me being able to wake up every day, as my second chances, and fulfill my destiny. each time i realize this and see clearly that i do have the power to transcend, i am filled w/ such love that it overcomes whatever hate and dust that i spent so much time in. i'm currently creating my future.. every action i do adds up to create a future that i can either love /that much more/ or one that i can feel stuck in and continuously regret. what kind of life is it to continuously regret? get out of the fear of being amazing..and realize you already are amazing..you just have to shed the extra fat (which is the comfort blanket you've been holding on to)..

[ouraidengray4]

If My Form Is So Good, How Come I'm Not Seeing Results?

It’s the start of 2019. I’ve found a new fitness class I love. I’m going all the time and I’m killing it. My body is changing. Know the feeling? It’s a great one.

Now it’s late February. I’m still going to that class. My form has improved, I know the moves, and I feel like I’m still killing it, but my body isn’t changing as much anymore. Know the feeling? It sucks.

“Your form is so good!” my barre instructors tell me after every class. So, if my form is so good, why have I stopped seeing results? Have I plateaued? Is that a thing? Is this the body shape I’ll forever be? Can I get a refund?!

While fitness plateaus may feel real, it turns out they may not — from a scientific view — really be a thing. If I wasn’t seeing the physical results in my body that I was seeing in the beginning, it’s likely I was losing motivation, cutting corners in my workout, or just getting complacent in class, without realizing it.

Before we delve further into this topic, we should acknowledge the key players in the results-driven game: sleep, stress, and nutrition.

Study after study has shown that your body can’t perform at its highest when you’re running low on sleep or when you’re totally stressed out. The old saying “abs aren’t made in the gym, they’re made in the kitchen” still rings true, too.

But let’s say you’re getting at least eight hours of sleep, have a healthy grasp on how to manage stress, and you’re eating right. (Honestly? Congratulations. DM me your tips.)

But how do you keep seeing results? I began to investigate what I could be doing wrong in my current routine. I looked at the science and talked with fitness gurus and nutritionists. We were able to pinpoint some changes I could immediately implement into my current routine to keep the results coming.

1. Pick a workout and stick with it

There’s a common belief that “switching it up” can be the best way to see physical results in your body, but that’s not always the case. There have been times when I would go to a bootcamp class one day, a boxing class the next, and then be so sore that I would just stop working out altogether.

“I don’t think that you can get into the deep muscles and understand the workout unless you’re going consistently,” says Jennifer Williams, founder of Pop Physique.

Instead, committing to three to four days per week and making them count — more on that later — is more important.

Kate Davies, founder of YO-BK Hot Yoga and Pilates, adds that choosing a workout class that is multi-level helps ensure that you’ll keep seeing changes.

“Going to classes with all types of people of different shapes and sizes is awesome because it becomes more of a celebration of the human body. You have people at different levels, and with a good teacher, you can push yourself even if you’ve been doing the same thing for two years.”

Doing the same thing for two years? And my body will keep changing?

“I’ve seen people come for 5 nights a week for 3 years and they are still seeing physical results. That’s really exciting,” says Davies.

In fact, Cindy Crawford has been doing the same workout for 30 years.

So, stick with a class you love, and take the pressure off to “switch it up.” But how do you stay mentally engaged and keep pushing yourself every time?

2. Plan ahead

If it’s in my planner, I’m going. But I’m often guilty of deciding to catch a workout class at the last minute because I’m not sure of when I’m going to feel like working out.

Williams reminded me that booking your spot ahead of time not only logistically makes sense, but helps you position yourself to get more out of it.

“You’re saying this is a priority. It’s non-negotiable. I’m going to go on these days and I’m going to work my job and the rest of my life around this.”

3. Pay attention to the people around you

You know those superstars in class who just kill it every time? If you’re a fitness class regular, you know who I'm talking about. They’re typically in the front row, focused, and always giving it their all.

Davies suggests positioning yourself close to them. “Find people who are motivational to set your mat next to. We have some students who go all out and if you’re set up next to them, you’re going to try harder no matter what.”

Williams adds, “Take everyone’s corrections. Be really present of the whole room.”

After all, it’s a class, not a one-on-one, so if a teacher is challenging the person next to you to sit one inch lower in chair pose, take on that challenge as well.

4. Treat every class like it’s your first class

After hearing instructors say “engage your core” for the hundredth time, it’s easy to dismiss it, but listening with the eagerness of a beginner can keep you from feeling complacent during class.

“There’s always more lift in your body, and there’s always more tuck. You can always pull your abs in deeper,” says Williams.

5. Introduce yourself

I know, talking to people isn’t always on the top of our lists! But creating social connections with the teacher and the people around you will help you feel more accountable to show up and push yourself in each class.

When I feel anonymous in a class, I tend to “check out” or come out of poses when I start to feel the burn, but if the teacher knows my name, you better believe I’m not coming out of plank!

6. Don’t overestimate the calories you’re burning

Not all bodies are created equal. If a workout is marketing that you can burn 1,000 calories a class, that doesn’t mean you’re going to. It’s hard to state the amount of calories a workout will burn for everyone.

Sarah Harris, dietitian and founder of Simpletic Nutrition, points out that every teacher and every class is different.

“You might be estimating a 300 to 400 calorie burn, but you may only be burning 150.”

And if I’m overestimating the calories I’m burning in my morning workout, I’m probably also overestimating the calories I should consume after class.

Harris advises: “A postworkout meal should be in the same calorie level — maybe 100 to 200 calories over, if you wanted to splurge — as you would normally try to aim for with a meal if you hadn't worked out.”

Again, this is assuming you’re already following a healthy diet and sleeping well and managing your stress — remember how we talked about that earlier?

7. Are you having fun, though?

I’ve only recently come to the realization that if I hate a workout, I don’t have to do it! There are so many different fitness options and classes, there’s no need to spend time doing something I hate.

I love cycling, I love barre, I love yoga, I love dancing. I hate running on a treadmill, so I’m no longer going to pay money torturing myself with treadmill classes. There are a million other ways to get that cardio in.

“I think a lot of people really force themselves into whatever is trending now, whether it’s boxing or yoga, and they just flat-out don’t like it,” says Davies.

“The fun factor is really important. The more you can take the mental conversation out of your workout and really find something that’s fun, the more you’re going to see results and the more you’re going to want to go.”

8. Celebrate the small victories!

Davies reminded me not to be so hard on myself in class and instead, to celebrate the small victories along the way.

I showed up for my class early! Victory!

I finished that set of mountain climbers! Victory!

I have great form! Victory!

If my form is “so good,” that’s evidence that I’ve been carving out time for my health, showing up and paying attention during class, and spending at least an hour away from my cell phone (victory!) while I work on making my body stronger.

“We’re always looking for one ‘before’ picture and one ‘after’ picture, but most of the time we spend is in the in-between,” says Williams. “You want to feel good every day, you don’t want to just wait for your “after.”

By acknowledging the results that I can’t necessarily see in a mirror, I’m empowered to look at my current routine and implement these doable changes to strengthen my body and bring out the confident, strong woman that I know I already am.

E.J. Johnson is a Brooklyn-based comedy writer and performance artist. If you like pictures of pink sparkly things, you can follow her on Instagram.

from Greatist RSS http://bit.ly/2WAoOoF If My Form Is So Good, How Come I'm Not Seeing Results? Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://bit.ly/2MznptQ

[squashoffer3]

Keto Masterclass Success Story: Strong Like Mommy

Testimonial by Julie C. @ketojulez 

About 7 years ago, I learned about Paleo when I started CrossFit at my brother’s gym, Vagabond CrossFit. I was overweight and I needed to get back into doing something. I have always been very athletic but my weight would tend to go up and down.

I started CrossFit slowly and my brother, Kevin O’Malley, introduced me to Paleo through Robb Wolf’s book, Paleo Solution. I got myself on track and was doing well in CrossFit and I really was trying to embrace the Paleo life. I figured out what worked for my body—discovering that just because something was “Paleo” it didn’t necessarily agree with me. 

Life happened and I got married and we were ready to start a family. That started my two year journey to try to get pregnant and with that came fertility treatments, depression, anxiety, and about 40 lbs of weight gain. I was not in a great place in my life as I was just so focused on wanting to be a mom.

Long story short, I lost about 20 lbs and then found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. I had a stressful pregnancy due to some issues with my daughter but in the end we made it through and I have a beautiful little girl!

So after pregnancy, I really had a hard time with hormone balance, sleep, stress, etc. I was a mess. I did not lose my baby weight and I was having a hard time finding time for myself.

I felt so ashamed of myself and I felt trapped in my own body.

Then I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter! I tried to stay active but I was already still carrying extra weight so my goal was just to not gain too much through my pregnancies and I kept thinking man this is going to be tough to lose all this weight after I have my daughter.

After the birth of my second daughter, I was really gaining weight. I was always picking at the kids snacks (which I now realize was just an insane amount of carbs) but never feeling satisfied. Honestly, I felt like I was never actually eating a meal! I was tired and not sleeping well. I hated the feeling of waking up and feeling exhausted. I was at an all time low in my life. I felt so ashamed of myself and I felt trapped in my own body.

I really love nutrition and fitness and I really love helping others on their journey but the irony is that I could not help myself! I was living with this daily anxiety of not being here for my girls. I work in a hospital and I think that setting didn’t help my anxiety, but my fear of not being around for my girls was taking up a lot of mental space in my head. I knew that I needed to make a major change in my life.

When I began, I was 75 lbs from my goal weight. I started by telling myself you can do anything for 20 minutes. We had the set up for a little gym in our one car garage so I started small. I would do some metabolic workouts and my mindset was “just keep moving.” I would row, push myself through burpees, push presses, box jumps, jump rope.

If I was going to learn about the keto diet I needed to learn from the best

I’d heard about this “keto” thing and started researching it. I wanted to understand the diet first. One day on my instagram feed I see Robb Wolf’s Instagram page and he had a post about keto and macros.

I couldn’t believe it! I knew if I was going to learn about the keto diet I needed to learn from the best and that Robb would break it down into a science that I understand what I was doing and why it would work. I didn’t want to just save pins on Pinterest on “what is keto”. I really wanted to understand the basis of the plan.

I was about 2 weeks into keto when I stumbled on Keto Masterclass—it was great because I had lots of questions and was hopeful that my questions would be answered in this program.

The Keto Masterclass was amazing. It helped me to fine tune some things and it gave me the knowledge I needed to continue on my journey. I also signed up for the Ketogains Bootcamp after I completed the class.

I love the non-scale victories

Currently, I’m down 50 lbs and I have never felt better! I love the non-scale victories that I have achieved on keto—fitting into clothes that have not fit in over 5 years, not hiding in baggy clothes, the energy I feel when I wake up each morning and that powers me through the day, the restful sleep at night, and the decreased anxiety.

I feel like I am taking more time for myself on this journey because in order to be the best version of me I need the time to prep my food or to even workout for 30 minutes a day. We only have one life and I don’t want to live it feeling bad about myself and worried about my health.

“Strong like mommy”

I want to be the best mom that I can be and show my girls how strong I am and that taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, is very important. I love that I have the energy to be on the go with them or to have a dance party in our living room.

They are my reason for everything and on this journey I have realized that I am the best version of me when I feel good and when I feel healthy. 

I love that my girls say “strong like mommy”. If that doesn’t make this all worth it then I don’t know what else would!  

The keto diet is one of the most effective ways to shed fat and improve your health. Keto Masterclass helps you start keto right, step-by-step, so that you can be successful long-term.

LEARN MORE

jessica

Source: https://robbwolf.com/2019/01/29/keto-masterclass-success-story-strong-like-mommy/

[joshuabradleyn]

How Emily Started Picking up Barbells, Learned to Meal Plan, and Lost 65 Pounds!

“She is seriously crushing it.”

When you speak with Emily, it doesn’t take long to realize how proud she is of leveling up her life.

And she should be proud! What she’s accomplished is simply amazing.

Emily, a dog walker from Chicago, had been obese her entire adult life – and it wasn’t like she didn’t try to lose weight.

Emily had attempted:

1,200 calorie diets (too low for her)

1,500 calorie diets (still too low for her)

P90x and TurboFire (both way too difficult)

Jillian Michael videos (boring)

An abandoned Planet Fitness membership (“I hate treadmills and elliptical machines with the fire of 1,000 suns!”)

Such start and stop patterns continued for years.

Then things changed.

Emily saw that Staci, our head female trainer for our 1-on-1 Online Coaching program, was accepting clients.

She knew it was time to try something different. And this time, things were different.

For starters, Emily, for the first time in her adult life, is no longer obese.

And when she heads to the gym, she crushes it, rocking 195 lb squats, 225 lb deadlifts, and 110 lb bench presses.

Awesome.

While all this is indeed super amazing, the thing I really want to highlight today is Emily’s mindset change.

Because she had tried getting in shape, multiple different ways, in the past.

However, a trap of “perfectionism” saw Emily abandoning all these earlier efforts.

But you don’t need to hear it from me. Let’s bring in Emily!

HOW EMILY LOST 65 POUNDS, LEARNED TO LOVE STRENGTH TRAINING, AND LEVELED UP HER LIFE

Steve: Hi Emily! Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me.

I’d love to hear from you about your past – Can you take us through a typical day before you started your journey with Nerd Fitness?

Emily: A typical day for me looked something like this:

I’d wake up and get ready for work. I’d quickly look in the fridge and try to figure out what to bring for lunch. If there was a healthy choice available, I’d grab it, but often I’d just decide to pick up lunch somewhere later.

Next, I’d go to work walking dogs. When lunchtime arrived, I’d either eat what I brought or stop and grab a sandwich or something at the grocery store hot bar. Then the struggle would begin of avoiding buying chips and/or chocolate.

After work, I’d head home. I’d think about putting on a workout video, but I’d be tired from my job so the thought “Eh, I’ll just do it tomorrow” would cross my mind. Then, I’d figure out what to make for dinner. Again, I’d try to make a healthy choice, but would potentially give up and order takeout. Then I’d watch TV for a while, have a snack like popcorn or something to eat while watching, and finally off to bed.

I did a lot of living in the moment. It really felt like I was trying so hard all the time, but a lack of planning ahead gave me too many opportunities to slip up.  

Steve: Yeah, marketers really do place junk food at every angle in our grocery stores. It really is tough to avoid it all.

Was this the first time you had tried to get in shape?

Emily: Hardly.

I’d tried sticking to 1,200 calories a day for weight loss but just couldn’t do it. I ended up hungry and grouchy a lot.

Later, I tried again and bumped it up to 1,500 calories a day. Same results though, I ended up miserably and abandoned the effort.

As far as working out, I could never achieve consistency. There would be times when I wouldn’t even try and exercise. Other times, I’d try and work out every day. But I never felt good about what I was doing.

I gave the P90x and TurboFire programs a shot, but they were too tough for me.

I tried some Jillian Michaels videos but got bored.

I joined Planet Fitness, but it turns out I hate treadmills and elliptical machines with the fire of 1,000 suns. I tried their weight machines too, but it felt really awkward.

Going through all this has taught me a valuable lesson: if you don’t like what you’re doing, you probably won’t continue to do it.

Steve: You’re 100% right! We often tell people to exercise in a way they love and to do that as much as possible. That, and also strength training.

But since you’re working with Coach Staci, I’m sure we’ll get to more of that soon.

Was there a specific moment when you decided to ask for help?

Emily: There was.

I had just hit my highest weight ever. I was on the couch crying, looking through the subreddit r/progresspics (where people post before and after photos), and I was so frustrated.  

I felt like I was constantly trying to lose weight, making lots of good choices while still getting nowhere. I had been a member of the Nerd Fitness Academy for a while and had leveled up a lot of my choices, but the weight loss just wasn’t happening.  

Then, I saw that Staci was accepting clients for 1-on-1 Coaching, and decided to sign up.

Which has been a game changer.

In the past, I had a tendency to pick a shiny new program, try hard to be perfect, fail and burn out, and give up for a while until I found another shiny new program.

Staci really helped me focus, pick myself back up when I fell, and keep going.

Steve: I’m so happy to hear you hit it off with Staci.

Can we talk a little bit more about your “perfectionism?” I think jumping from one program to the next is something a lot of people can relate to.

Emily: Yeah, my perfectionism was really holding me back.  

I used to set ridiculously impossible goals. I’d do okay for a bit, then I’d have an eff it moment and eat half a package of Oreos. From there I’d spend the next two weeks spiraling in shame and frustration, wondering why I can never seem to stay on track.

Then I’d vow to get “back on the wagon” and the cycle would begin all over again.

I had to start where I was and learn to set teeny tiny incremental goals. Goals that I could still do even when everything felt impossibly hard. Goals like:

“Buy one vegetable and eat it before it goes bad”

“During meal times, drink water”

“Even when I overeat, still log it as best I can.”

I had been trying to jump into a healthy lifestyle with both feet, when what I really needed was to baby-step my way there.

So looking back, the most important change I’ve made is focusing on consistency over perfection:  

It doesn’t matter if my food log isn’t absolutely flawless, just that I log all my food as best I can each day.  

It doesn’t matter that every workout isn’t the most incredibly hard-core workout ever, just that I actually get myself to the gym three times per week.

Keeping myself moving forward even when I feel like giving up is the absolute most important thing.  

Steve: Yes! You nailed two key points: Often it’s easier to make small habits you can stick with instead of changing every single aspect of your life all at once.

The other is that consistency is the name of the game. No one is perfect, but a key characteristic of success is to keep going. Your response highlighted both ideas perfectly.

What’s your workout program look like? What is Coach Staci having you do?

Emily: Strength training.

I lift weights on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday mornings first thing.

I also go to yoga class on Monday after work.  

I LOVE lifting, it makes me feel like such a badass. Once I picked up a barbell for the first time, I was like “Okay, this is it. I found my favorite thing to do.”

I’ve gone from basically just lifting the bar to a 195 lb squat, a 225 lb deadlift, and a 110 lb bench.

Steve: I don’t know if you can fully understand how happy you just made me! I’m so pumped that Staci helped you find a love of strength training.

Talk to me a little bit about nutrition. What have you done differently? What strategy are you following?

Emily: Since I was constantly hungry when cutting calories before, we knew we had to keep my volume up. Which meant eating vegetables to meet my calorie goals.

But I was convinced I didn’t like veggies. However, I decided to start an experiment. Every week I would pick up a vegetable I thought I didn’t like, and try cooking it a few different ways. If at the end of the week I still didn’t like it, that’s fine. I wouldn’t buy it again.

The thing is, I found I actually DID like a bunch of different veggies. I just didn’t like the kind forced on me as a kid: boiled to death and soggy with no seasoning.

Another thing that helped was making a food plan ahead of time. Planning helped me restructure my life and make the healthier choice easier, and the less healthy choice harder.  

For example: let’s say it’s Thursday evening after work. I had a hard day and I’m hungry, grumpy, and tired. I know that I’ll make the easiest choice available at the moment:  

Emily With No Plan hasn’t thought ahead, as though it’s a surprise that she has to feed herself every day. She could either figure out a healthy meal to make, probably have to swing by the grocery store and pick up ingredients, come home, prep everything and cook. Or, she could order delivery. Honestly, she’s probably going to order delivery.

Emily With A Plan is prepared! She previously decided that dinner is chicken fajitas. There’s chicken thawing in the fridge and the veggies are washed, chopped, and ready to go. In the moment there’s no tough decision to make. Plus, it’s faster to just make the fajitas. She’s probably not ordering delivery.

I’ve used this strategy a lot.

I ate a ton of chips, so I stopped buying them. When I wanted them I would have to go to the store and buy a single serving. That’s a lot of work for like 10 potato chips.

I ate a lot of cookies too, so I decided “I no longer keep store-bought cookies in the house.”

If I want them I have to make them from scratch. I’ve actually made them only a handful of times since implementing this rule, which has drastically reduced my cookie consumption. Shifting the regular structures of my life in this way has allowed me to use my laziness as an advantage. If I make unhealthy choices too much work, I’m WAY less likely to choose them.

Steve: That’s incredible. I made that same exact point in a recent article, “Super Simple Batch Cooked Chicken For Lazy People.” You really distilled down the argument on your example of fajitas.

Also, your strategy on learning to like veggies is the exact one I used! Great work all around.

What’s a typical day for you like now?

Emily: A typical day for me now:

If it’s a gym day, I wake up at 5:30am and go lift. I then run home and get ready for work. Otherwise, I wake up at 7:30am. I grab the lunch that I prepped over the weekend from the fridge and head out the door. (Or, if I’m intermittent fasting, skip this step).

Then it’s time to go walk some dogs for a while, and then I eat my lunch between visits.

When I get home, I’ve planned the whole week’s dinners over the weekend and have all the groceries I need already. No need to make a decision, I just make what’s planned.

Post dinner, it’s hanging out with my husband time. But no snacking. Then off to bed.

Planning ahead and setting up healthy habits has helped me so much:  

I don’t have to decide what’s for lunch or dinner, because that decision was already made.

I don’t have to white knuckle my way past junk food at the grocery store while picking up dinner ingredients because they’re already in the fridge.

I don’t have to decide to work out, because gym time is blocked out on my calendar. If it’s time to go to the gym, I just go.  

No decision, no skipping because I don’t want to, no internal drama. Just go. That also means when it’s not gym time, I don’t have to think about it or feel guilty that’s it’s been too long since I last worked out. I’ve set up the structure of my life to support healthy habits and remove opportunities for unhealthy behaviors.

Steve: You really are crushing it Emily. Both you and Coach Staci should be very proud.

Your appearance has changed? What else has changed about you?

Emily: I have completely changed.  

You’re right, how I look has obviously changed, but I’m also way more confident now.

I’ve proven to myself that I can do what I once thought was impossible. I can look my flaws square in the face and learn from them instead of running from them.

I can rebuild my life from the ground up. I’m more assertive now instead of letting people walk all over me like I used to do. I’m way more energetic than I ever was before. And I’m more social because I have the energy to go out and do stuff.

I even sleep better.

I’m like an entirely different person.

Steve: I’m so happy to hear that. We often talk about how one improvement in life can lead to another, and then another, creating a chain reaction.

I’m so happy you feel more confident as a result of your new habits.

Okay, real talk: NF Coaching isn’t cheap. You’ve been a client for a year and a half. What makes you stick with it and keep investing in yourself?

Emily: Coaching has definitely been worth the investment.

Just knowing Staci is there in my back pocket, that she believes unequivocally I can do it, and she’s there with me every step of the way has been invaluable.

She keeps me grounded and focused. She keeps me from getting distracted by shiny new programs. And when things get rough and I start to get overwhelmed, she helps me keep things in perspective and just keep trucking along.  

Interestingly enough, I’m actually better off financially now than I was before Coaching.

Managing my calorie budget has helped me with my financial budget – there’s a ton of overlap. It’s helped me hone my long-term planning skills.

Practicing the skill of not eating junk food even though I want it has helped me sharpen my ability to not buy things I don’t need. Both require trying to get the most out of limited resources. Both require putting long term goals before short term desires.  

Steve: I totally believe it. The financial and calorie budget analogy and overlap makes a lot of sense to me. You’re a clever one, Emily, and you’re okay in my book!

Alright, I’ve got to ask: do you have any nerdy passions or pursuits?

Emily: I read a ton of fantasy and sci-fi. My favorites are Name of the Wind, The Lies of Locke Lamora, and Way of Kings. I’m in three book clubs. I also love playing board games.

I consider myself a Trekkie, but have also cosplayed as Kaylee from Firefly.

Lastly, I just started playing D&D for the first time – my character is a kick-butt Druid.

Steve: A love of fantasy and sci-fi, cosplaying experience, and repping a D&D character: your nerd credentials are in proper order. We may proceed.

What’s next for you Emily? Where do you go from here?

Emily: Two main goals:

Continue with weight loss: next stop is a healthy weight!

Keep getting stronger. As I said, I’ve been lifting for a while now and I love it! Next big goals are 200 lb squat, 250 lb deadlift, and being able to do a chin up.

Steve: I have no doubt you will rock a chin-up soon. You’ve been crushing everything else you’ve sought after.

Best of luck Emily! And thanks again for taking the time to share your story with all of us!

THE 6 KEYS TO EMILY’S WEIGHT LOSS AND LEVEL UP SUCCESS

We can all learn a lot from Emily.

Losing weight and transforming yourself is tough. When someone around us does it, it’s worth analyzing their behavior to see if any lessons can be gleaned for the rest of us. Something we can ponder, and then take action with ourselves.

Emily’s journey provides plenty of good examples. In speaking with her, I distilled six key traits that set her apart. Six behaviors that helped Emily succeed despite the odds against.

Here’s what we can learn from Emily:

#1) EMILY DIDN’T GIVE UP

Emily had been trying to lose weight for years:

Restricting caloric intake to super low levels? Check.

Running mindlessly on treadmills? Check.

At home workout videos? Double check.

She tried all of it. And she didn’t like ANY of it.

So she’d move onto the next “shiny new program.”

What’s important is Emily never gave up. She kept trying new things.

Then, when she started working with Nerd Fitness Coaching, she tried something different: picking up a barbell.

Now, Emily loves strength training and feels like a badass for doing it.

There’s no ONE way to get in shape, and Emily finally found something she loves and will stick with.

The important thing is Emily kept trying until she got it right. Speaking of…

#2) EMILY IS WILLING TO EXPERIMENT

I love Emily’s willingness to experiment with vegetables.

Vegetables are nutrient dense, full of fiber, and low on..

https://ift.tt/2TzTWlC

[neilmillerne]

How Emily Started Picking up Barbells, Learned to Meal Plan, and Lost 65 Pounds!

“She is seriously crushing it.”

When you speak with Emily, it doesn’t take long to realize how proud she is of leveling up her life.

And she should be proud! What she’s accomplished is simply amazing.

Emily, a dog walker from Chicago, had been obese her entire adult life – and it wasn’t like she didn’t try to lose weight.

Emily had attempted:

1,200 calorie diets (too low for her)

1,500 calorie diets (still too low for her)

P90x and TurboFire (both way too difficult)

Jillian Michael videos (boring)

An abandoned Planet Fitness membership (“I hate treadmills and elliptical machines with the fire of 1,000 suns!”)

Such start and stop patterns continued for years.

Then things changed.

Emily saw that Staci, our head female trainer for our 1-on-1 Online Coaching program, was accepting clients.

She knew it was time to try something different. And this time, things were different.

For starters, Emily, for the first time in her adult life, is no longer obese.

And when she heads to the gym, she crushes it, rocking 195 lb squats, 225 lb deadlifts, and 110 lb bench presses.

Awesome.

While all this is indeed super amazing, the thing I really want to highlight today is Emily’s mindset change.

Because she had tried getting in shape, multiple different ways, in the past.

However, a trap of “perfectionism” saw Emily abandoning all these earlier efforts.

But you don’t need to hear it from me. Let’s bring in Emily!

HOW EMILY LOST 65 POUNDS, LEARNED TO LOVE STRENGTH TRAINING, AND LEVELED UP HER LIFE

Steve: Hi Emily! Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me.

I’d love to hear from you about your past – Can you take us through a typical day before you started your journey with Nerd Fitness?

Emily: A typical day for me looked something like this:

I’d wake up and get ready for work. I’d quickly look in the fridge and try to figure out what to bring for lunch. If there was a healthy choice available, I’d grab it, but often I’d just decide to pick up lunch somewhere later.

Next, I’d go to work walking dogs. When lunchtime arrived, I’d either eat what I brought or stop and grab a sandwich or something at the grocery store hot bar. Then the struggle would begin of avoiding buying chips and/or chocolate.

After work, I’d head home. I’d think about putting on a workout video, but I’d be tired from my job so the thought “Eh, I’ll just do it tomorrow” would cross my mind. Then, I’d figure out what to make for dinner. Again, I’d try to make a healthy choice, but would potentially give up and order takeout. Then I’d watch TV for a while, have a snack like popcorn or something to eat while watching, and finally off to bed.

I did a lot of living in the moment. It really felt like I was trying so hard all the time, but a lack of planning ahead gave me too many opportunities to slip up.  

Steve: Yeah, marketers really do place junk food at every angle in our grocery stores. It really is tough to avoid it all.

Was this the first time you had tried to get in shape?

Emily: Hardly.

I’d tried sticking to 1,200 calories a day for weight loss but just couldn’t do it. I ended up hungry and grouchy a lot.

Later, I tried again and bumped it up to 1,500 calories a day. Same results though, I ended up miserably and abandoned the effort.

As far as working out, I could never achieve consistency. There would be times when I wouldn’t even try and exercise. Other times, I’d try and work out every day. But I never felt good about what I was doing.

I gave the P90x and TurboFire programs a shot, but they were too tough for me.

I tried some Jillian Michaels videos but got bored.

I joined Planet Fitness, but it turns out I hate treadmills and elliptical machines with the fire of 1,000 suns. I tried their weight machines too, but it felt really awkward.

Going through all this has taught me a valuable lesson: if you don’t like what you’re doing, you probably won’t continue to do it.

Steve: You’re 100% right! We often tell people to exercise in a way they love and to do that as much as possible. That, and also strength training.

But since you’re working with Coach Staci, I’m sure we’ll get to more of that soon.

Was there a specific moment when you decided to ask for help?

Emily: There was.

I had just hit my highest weight ever. I was on the couch crying, looking through the subreddit r/progresspics (where people post before and after photos), and I was so frustrated.  

I felt like I was constantly trying to lose weight, making lots of good choices while still getting nowhere. I had been a member of the Nerd Fitness Academy for a while and had leveled up a lot of my choices, but the weight loss just wasn’t happening.  

Then, I saw that Staci was accepting clients for 1-on-1 Coaching, and decided to sign up.

Which has been a game changer.

In the past, I had a tendency to pick a shiny new program, try hard to be perfect, fail and burn out, and give up for a while until I found another shiny new program.

Staci really helped me focus, pick myself back up when I fell, and keep going.

Steve: I’m so happy to hear you hit it off with Staci.

Can we talk a little bit more about your “perfectionism?” I think jumping from one program to the next is something a lot of people can relate to.

Emily: Yeah, my perfectionism was really holding me back.  

I used to set ridiculously impossible goals. I’d do okay for a bit, then I’d have an eff it moment and eat half a package of Oreos. From there I’d spend the next two weeks spiraling in shame and frustration, wondering why I can never seem to stay on track.

Then I’d vow to get “back on the wagon” and the cycle would begin all over again.

I had to start where I was and learn to set teeny tiny incremental goals. Goals that I could still do even when everything felt impossibly hard. Goals like:

“Buy one vegetable and eat it before it goes bad”

“During meal times, drink water”

“Even when I overeat, still log it as best I can.”

I had been trying to jump into a healthy lifestyle with both feet, when what I really needed was to baby-step my way there.

So looking back, the most important change I’ve made is focusing on consistency over perfection:  

It doesn’t matter if my food log isn’t absolutely flawless, just that I log all my food as best I can each day.  

It doesn’t matter that every workout isn’t the most incredibly hard-core workout ever, just that I actually get myself to the gym three times per week.

Keeping myself moving forward even when I feel like giving up is the absolute most important thing.  

Steve: Yes! You nailed two key points: Often it’s easier to make small habits you can stick with instead of changing every single aspect of your life all at once.

The other is that consistency is the name of the game. No one is perfect, but a key characteristic of success is to keep going. Your response highlighted both ideas perfectly.

What’s your workout program look like? What is Coach Staci having you do?

Emily: Strength training.

I lift weights on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday mornings first thing.

I also go to yoga class on Monday after work.  

I LOVE lifting, it makes me feel like such a badass. Once I picked up a barbell for the first time, I was like “Okay, this is it. I found my favorite thing to do.”

I’ve gone from basically just lifting the bar to a 195 lb squat, a 225 lb deadlift, and a 110 lb bench.

Steve: I don’t know if you can fully understand how happy you just made me! I’m so pumped that Staci helped you find a love of strength training.

Talk to me a little bit about nutrition. What have you done differently? What strategy are you following?

Emily: Since I was constantly hungry when cutting calories before, we knew we had to keep my volume up. Which meant eating vegetables to meet my calorie goals.

But I was convinced I didn’t like veggies. However, I decided to start an experiment. Every week I would pick up a vegetable I thought I didn’t like, and try cooking it a few different ways. If at the end of the week I still didn’t like it, that’s fine. I wouldn’t buy it again.

The thing is, I found I actually DID like a bunch of different veggies. I just didn’t like the kind forced on me as a kid: boiled to death and soggy with no seasoning.

Another thing that helped was making a food plan ahead of time. Planning helped me restructure my life and make the healthier choice easier, and the less healthy choice harder.  

For example: let’s say it’s Thursday evening after work. I had a hard day and I’m hungry, grumpy, and tired. I know that I’ll make the easiest choice available at the moment:  

Emily With No Plan hasn’t thought ahead, as though it’s a surprise that she has to feed herself every day. She could either figure out a healthy meal to make, probably have to swing by the grocery store and pick up ingredients, come home, prep everything and cook. Or, she could order delivery. Honestly, she’s probably going to order delivery.

Emily With A Plan is prepared! She previously decided that dinner is chicken fajitas. There’s chicken thawing in the fridge and the veggies are washed, chopped, and ready to go. In the moment there’s no tough decision to make. Plus, it’s faster to just make the fajitas. She’s probably not ordering delivery.

I’ve used this strategy a lot.

I ate a ton of chips, so I stopped buying them. When I wanted them I would have to go to the store and buy a single serving. That’s a lot of work for like 10 potato chips.

I ate a lot of cookies too, so I decided “I no longer keep store-bought cookies in the house.”

If I want them I have to make them from scratch. I’ve actually made them only a handful of times since implementing this rule, which has drastically reduced my cookie consumption. Shifting the regular structures of my life in this way has allowed me to use my laziness as an advantage. If I make unhealthy choices too much work, I’m WAY less likely to choose them.

Steve: That’s incredible. I made that same exact point in a recent article, “Super Simple Batch Cooked Chicken For Lazy People.” You really distilled down the argument on your example of fajitas.

Also, your strategy on learning to like veggies is the exact one I used! Great work all around.

What’s a typical day for you like now?

Emily: A typical day for me now:

If it’s a gym day, I wake up at 5:30am and go lift. I then run home and get ready for work. Otherwise, I wake up at 7:30am. I grab the lunch that I prepped over the weekend from the fridge and head out the door. (Or, if I’m intermittent fasting, skip this step).

Then it’s time to go walk some dogs for a while, and then I eat my lunch between visits.

When I get home, I’ve planned the whole week’s dinners over the weekend and have all the groceries I need already. No need to make a decision, I just make what’s planned.

Post dinner, it’s hanging out with my husband time. But no snacking. Then off to bed.

Planning ahead and setting up healthy habits has helped me so much:  

I don’t have to decide what’s for lunch or dinner, because that decision was already made.

I don’t have to white knuckle my way past junk food at the grocery store while picking up dinner ingredients because they’re already in the fridge.

I don’t have to decide to work out, because gym time is blocked out on my calendar. If it’s time to go to the gym, I just go.  

No decision, no skipping because I don’t want to, no internal drama. Just go. That also means when it’s not gym time, I don’t have to think about it or feel guilty that’s it’s been too long since I last worked out. I’ve set up the structure of my life to support healthy habits and remove opportunities for unhealthy behaviors.

Steve: You really are crushing it Emily. Both you and Coach Staci should be very proud.

Your appearance has changed? What else has changed about you?

Emily: I have completely changed.  

You’re right, how I look has obviously changed, but I’m also way more confident now.

I’ve proven to myself that I can do what I once thought was impossible. I can look my flaws square in the face and learn from them instead of running from them.

I can rebuild my life from the ground up. I’m more assertive now instead of letting people walk all over me like I used to do. I’m way more energetic than I ever was before. And I’m more social because I have the energy to go out and do stuff.

I even sleep better.

I’m like an entirely different person.

Steve: I’m so happy to hear that. We often talk about how one improvement in life can lead to another, and then another, creating a chain reaction.

I’m so happy you feel more confident as a result of your new habits.

Okay, real talk: NF Coaching isn’t cheap. You’ve been a client for a year and a half. What makes you stick with it and keep investing in yourself?

Emily: Coaching has definitely been worth the investment.

Just knowing Staci is there in my back pocket, that she believes unequivocally I can do it, and she’s there with me every step of the way has been invaluable.

She keeps me grounded and focused. She keeps me from getting distracted by shiny new programs. And when things get rough and I start to get overwhelmed, she helps me keep things in perspective and just keep trucking along.  

Interestingly enough, I’m actually better off financially now than I was before Coaching.

Managing my calorie budget has helped me with my financial budget – there’s a ton of overlap. It’s helped me hone my long-term planning skills.

Practicing the skill of not eating junk food even though I want it has helped me sharpen my ability to not buy things I don’t need. Both require trying to get the most out of limited resources. Both require putting long term goals before short term desires.  

Steve: I totally believe it. The financial and calorie budget analogy and overlap makes a lot of sense to me. You’re a clever one, Emily, and you’re okay in my book!

Alright, I’ve got to ask: do you have any nerdy passions or pursuits?

Emily: I read a ton of fantasy and sci-fi. My favorites are Name of the Wind, The Lies of Locke Lamora, and Way of Kings. I’m in three book clubs. I also love playing board games.

I consider myself a Trekkie, but have also cosplayed as Kaylee from Firefly.

Lastly, I just started playing D&D for the first time – my character is a kick-butt Druid.

Steve: A love of fantasy and sci-fi, cosplaying experience, and repping a D&D character: your nerd credentials are in proper order. We may proceed.

What’s next for you Emily? Where do you go from here?

Emily: Two main goals:

Continue with weight loss: next stop is a healthy weight!

Keep getting stronger. As I said, I’ve been lifting for a while now and I love it! Next big goals are 200 lb squat, 250 lb deadlift, and being able to do a chin up.

Steve: I have no doubt you will rock a chin-up soon. You’ve been crushing everything else you’ve sought after.

Best of luck Emily! And thanks again for taking the time to share your story with all of us!

THE 6 KEYS TO EMILY’S WEIGHT LOSS AND LEVEL UP SUCCESS

We can all learn a lot from Emily.

Losing weight and transforming yourself is tough. When someone around us does it, it’s worth analyzing their behavior to see if any lessons can be gleaned for the rest of us. Something we can ponder, and then take action with ourselves.

Emily’s journey provides plenty of good examples. In speaking with her, I distilled six key traits that set her apart. Six behaviors that helped Emily succeed despite the odds against.

Here’s what we can learn from Emily:

#1) EMILY DIDN’T GIVE UP

Emily had been trying to lose weight for years:

Restricting caloric intake to super low levels? Check.

Running mindlessly on treadmills? Check.

At home workout videos? Double check.

She tried all of it. And she didn’t like ANY of it.

So she’d move onto the next “shiny new program.”

What’s important is Emily never gave up. She kept trying new things.

Then, when she started working with Nerd Fitness Coaching, she tried something different: picking up a barbell.

Now, Emily loves strength training and feels like a badass for doing it.

There’s no ONE way to get in shape, and Emily finally found something she loves and will stick with.

The important thing is Emily kept trying until she got it right. Speaking of…

#2) EMILY IS WILLING TO EXPERIMENT

I love Emily’s willingness to experiment with vegetables.

Vegetables are nutrient dense, full of fiber, and low on..

https://ift.tt/2TzTWlC