#been in a funk lately and idk why it helped

[biloveyou]

it's crazy how just curling my eyelashes and putting on some lip oil makes me feel like a different person

[seung-mong]

everyone adores you (i hate that i do too) - kim seungmin

includes: seungmin x reader, friends to enemies to strangers to friends to lovers?? (kinda academic rivals vibe) college au, soft dom! seungie, everyone knows they r in love except them, kinda slow burn? idk, fluff, angst, quick vanilla smut scene at the end, unprotected sex, possessive seungmin, creampie oopsie woopsie, felix is lowk seungmin's downfall lmao

a/n: the people have chosen, thank u for those who voted on the poll!! i know this is so ridiculously late but ive been in a writer's funk lately and ive just been so unmotivated #rant anyway i hope you guys like this one:') chan x hybrid felix x reader up next?? :00

wc: 12k YAPPING ofc my longest fic is of my husband #seungminlover #myMan

"there's nothing i can do for you, mr. kim. you failed to submit the third reflection essay. i have been considerate with your other late submissions..." the middle aged professor sighs, bringing a hand to his forehead and massaging his temples in frustration.

seungmin's hands wrap tighter around the strap of his bag, nylon almost burning against his palm due to the friction. "mr. park," he almost whines, leaning forward in his chair.

seungmin's desperate. he needs to pass this class, a prerequisite to all of his majors. he'll be damned if he takes his classes later than everyone else. "please, there must be something i can do. anything for extra credit. i really really need to pass this class." his voice slightly breaks, so close to tears. he can feel the red hot embarrassment that washes over him at the thought of having to explain why he cant enlist in the same classes as his friends.

he's never gonna hear the end of it when he tells his parents, always hard on his ass about biting off more than he can chew and he's always shrugged them off. how is everything so different now? in highschool he was juggling acads, being president of the student council, being in choir, dance, band, and the debate team. and now? four classes and a stupid glee club and hes falling behind.

his worst fear.

the older man swallows thickly, obviously uncomfortable at his student's sudden show of vulnerability. "mr. kim, i really want to help you. but im afraid there's no extra work i can give you to help you raise your grade.

seungmin shakes his head, slumping deep in his seat.

"normally i'd offer that you could check some papers and-"

"i'll do it!" seungmin yells, almost jumping out of his seat.

"but another student has already offered to be my teaching assistant for this term for extra credit as well.... unless you could convince them to split the workload... id consider raising your grade."

"sir, anything! who do i have to convince?" seungmin lets out a sigh of relief. and he thought all hope was lost.

"miss y/l/n. do you know her?"

fuck. all hope is lost.

you huff as you push open the heavy metal doors to your apartment building, canvas bag filled to the brim with papers you're supposed to check. the weight is heavy on your shoulder, strap digging uncomfortably into your skin. the sting lingers as you waddle over to your apartment locker, dropping the bag as you dig into your coat pocket for your keys.

"oh, y/n! im glad i caught you." you turn around to see a kind face smiling at you from the foot of the stairs, long blonde hair tied somewhat neatly to keep strands away from his neck. stubborn clumps of hair fall over his forehead, sticking to the skin in a thin sheen of sweat.

"hyunjin?" you squeal, leaving all your bags right there on the floor as you run towards your childhood friend. your arms wrap around his neck as he laughs, arms coming up to wrap around your waist. you nearly knock him off his feet from the force that you throw yourself at him, but he cant blame you. it has been way too long.

"but... what are you doing here? i thought you were still in paris?" you chuckle, breathless as you pull apart from him.

"non!," he teases, but his smile quickly shifts. "due to some, ah- unfortunate circumstances, i had to return home a little earlier than i had planned," he shrugs, grabbing your arm and hooking it with his.

"oh cut the bullshit, hwang." you laugh, pulling him towards your locker. "tell me what happened," you groan, bending down to pick up your bag. hyunjin, ever the gentleman, quickly reacts from beside you, taking it away from you before slinging it over his own shoulder. "tell me what really happened, hm? it's me." you huff, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

he smiles sadly at you, shaking his head. he knows he cant lie to you. "how about we catch up over a cup of coffee, huh? my, ive been looking all over campus for you and when we finally meet after three years you dont even invite me in?" he pouts at you.

you roll your eyes at his dramatics. nice to know he hasnt changed that about himself. dare you say paris has only fed his dramatic flare? "let's go have some coffee somewhere else then, my apartment's kinda messy right now. oh! have you told felix you're back? you guys are... okay now, right?" you're careful to watch his expression at the mention of his past lover.

"no, he doesnt know im home. it kinda defeats the whole purpose of the surprise, you know?" he retorts, watching you with a fond smile as you shove your phone and keys back into your pockets. "and yes. felix and i are alright, thank you for asking."

"well, i'm sure he'd love to see you again. i know where he's working. maybe we could drop by for some drinks?"

hyunjin hums thoughtfully at that, chuckling a bit once you push open the damned metal door. "i guess it wouldnt hurt to say hello? besides. we have been... talking again."

"oh is that so?" you feign disinterest, eyes trained on the leaves that crunch under your feet.

he hums once more, squinting when he looks up, the sun beaming against his face. how he's missed its' warmth. paris was often gloomy. "we discussed possibly trying again." he says calmly, sighing with content.

you falter, "that might be good. ive always known you guys still loved each other! besides, you guys were young and stupid."

"that we were." hyunjin laughs. "well how about you and... ah- he who must not be named?"

you tense a little at that, opting to play it off with a shrug. "havent seen him around much, actually."

"well that's odd. you three were the only ones from our highschool to pass SNU and you guys dont keep in touch?"

"well i dont keep in touch with people from highschool much." you bite back.

"well how about me and felix?" he challenges.

"yea. just you two."

"arent you two in the same major?"

"we have different schedules. never aligns."

"but yuna and lia said-"

"i just dont see seungmin much, alright? that's that!" you groan, shoving your hands into your pockets.

"oh my dear y/n, nothing has changed! have you tried to patch things up with him? after all we were, hm what did you say, ah- young and stupid?"

"well he certainly was." you mumble, and hyunjin bursts out laughing. he throws an arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer against his side. "god, i've missed you."

felix absolutely adores his job. he gets to help bake in the kitchens in the morning, and then he gets to make such fun little drinks while listening to music he chooses. he loves his coworkers, and his schedule is flexible, what with the manager knowing how most of his staff are all college students. the one thing he hates though? dealing with rude customers.

"i apologize, sir. our drinks are served in plastic cups as most of our customers dont finish their drink here, it's easier to take out in case you need to leave in a hurry." felix can feel the sweat start to form at his hairline, trickling slowly down his forehead as his cheeks twitch in a forced smile.

"well if i knew you served it in plastic cups, i never would have ordered!" the middle-aged man in front of him yells, eyebrows raised. students in the cafe have started to look over, trying hard to be discreet. some look annoyed, others clearly show how they feel sorry for felix.

felix tries his best to keep his smile, but he can feel anger and annoyance rise in him like hot water boiling deep in his gut.

"what the fuck is the difference??" he wants to scream, grab the stupid plastic cup from his stupid chubby fingers and throw it right in his stupid ugly face.

"im sorry sir, is there some kind of problem here?" a calm voice calls from behind the man, who turns around in surprise.

seungmin stands with his hands in his pockets, a small smile on his lips. he's dressed in nothing fancy, a university hoodie and some sweatpants. he's only supposed to catch up with felix as he busies himself around the cafe after all. his hair is tucked neatly in his cap, the perfect image of your average college student.

felix swears he's an angel sent from the heavens.

"this is none of your business, kid." the man snorts disgustingly, waving a chubby finger in seungmin's face.

"well, actually this is a public space and you're holding up the line. so yea, it kinda is my business. besides, you're on university grounds, i have every right to be here as a student." seungmin says coolly, taking a step towards the counter so he's able to somewhat position himself in between felix and this gross ugly man.

"listen, i'm a paying customer, so-"

"and the staff has the right to refuse service to anyone unless on the basis of race, religion, or ethnicity- isn't that right, felix?"

and its like suddenly felix has found his voice. he stands a little taller, leaning forward to get closer to the man's face. "that's right."

"and you're not refusing to serve this man because hes white or anything, right?" seungmin eggs him on, throwing the man a somewhat bored look.

"no. its because hes an asshole."

"hey-" the man steps forward, hands raised.

"well you heard him!" seungmin cuts the man off before he can continue, fully stepping in front of felix now. "if you dont leave within the next ten seconds, i'm calling security. they take peace and order on school grounds very seriously, you know?"

the man huffs, turning around and slamming the door behind him so hard that the little bell that jingles near the doorframe rattles wildly seconds after he's left.

"i dont know how you deal with assholes like that, felix. id probably lose my mind." seungmin sighs, throwing his friend a tight lipped smile.

"you kinda get used to it. but i've just been so tired this finals week that i dont even have the energy to stand up for myself anymore." felix shakes his head while he wipes the counter down.

seungmin nods understandingly, lunging for the man's untouched drink before felix can throw it. "this is paid, isn't it?"

"well, yes but-"

"alright, felix look. i have a problem." seungmin slides easily into one of the stools by the counter, taking a deep sip of the man's mystery drink.

felix nods in understanding, rearranging trays and cleaning up as much as he can.

"well actually, it's more of a favor? i dont know."

felix only hums, used to seungmin's rambling by now. seungmin's just like that, needs to talk to himself aloud a little before getting straight to the point.

"im actually screwed and there's no one else i can talk to because well, there's no more shame between us, yea? we've seen each other naked and ive seen you at your lowest low and youve been there for me and-"

"wow, this is pretty serious, huh?" felix jokes, pulling up a stool so he can sit in front of his friend.

"i think i'm gonna fail a class." seungmin spits out, holding his breath immediately after as he gauges his friend's reaction.

felix's smile slowly disappears. his mouth opens and closes like a fish as he tries to figure out what to say, in a state of total shock. this goes on for about five minutes before seungmin finally whines, head dropping to his hands.

"will you say something i can actually understand, felix?"

"i'm sorry i just- i dont understand. you're.... failing? you? kim seungmin? the kim seungmin?"

"wow you really know how to comfort a guy, huh?"

"i'm sorry!" felix jumps up to pull seungmin in for a half-hug, awkwardly wrapping his arms around seungmin's chest over the counter. "i just... how? why? what subject? are you sure?"

"yes, im sure. i missed a stupid submission. a major subject. look, thats not the worst part-"

"omigod you're dying. thats the only explanation-"

"no!" seungmin whines, pushing his friend off him. "the professor said he could give me extra credit-"

"but thats good news!"

"-if im able to convince... someone.... to split the task given to them with me."

"o...kay? just turn on your puppydog charm and you're good to go."

seungmin shakes his head, as if he's about to deliver such solemn news to felix that he has to pause for dramatic effect. felix rolls his eyes.

"it's... well the person is y/n."

felix stares at his friend with wide eyes, unblinking. then he tilts his head back and lets out the most obnoxious laugh, losing his breath as his neck turns a deep shade of red, the tint spreading across his cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears.

"you're joking! oh this is just too- oh, i cant breathe, ITS KARMA!" he suddenly yells, fighting for his life to breathe in as much air as possible, wiping the tears from his eyes.

seungmin winces, but deep down he knows this reaction is deserved.

his relationship with you is... a little complicated.

you met seungmin in your freshman year of highschool. you'd just moved to seoul, the New Girl. as batch rep, he was tasked with showing you around on your first day, teaching you the ropes and making you feel welcomed.

"well yea, thats basically it!" seungmin finishes, pace slowing down as he directs you to the bench just opposite the school clinic. "do you have any questions for me?" he asks with a slight tilt of his head.

your eyes stay trained on the floor, as they have been the past 30 minutes that this strange boy has toured you around the school. you shake your head. seungmin doesnt fully understand it yet, but somewhere deep down, he feels bad for you. you seem like the shy type, and he knows how hard it is to adjust and make new friends. god knows how he would have survived middle school if it weren't for his friends.

"hey, what do you say you come meet my friends tomorrow during lunch break?" he suddenly asks. for the first time since his homeroom teacher introduced you, you look up at him.

he's taken aback by how pretty your eyes are.

"oh, really?" you ask timidly, voice small.

"i- i mean yea! we're in the same homeroom anyway, right? plus i think it'll help you adjust a little better if you had people you could talk to and hang out with." seungmin shrugs.

"yea. i'd really like that. thank you, seungmin." your voice is so low its almost like you're mumbling.

before you know it, you're spending your lunch breaks laughing along with felix as he embarrasses all of seungmin's friends one by one, wincing away from changbin as he threatens to lunge across the table to shut the younger boy up, hyunjin clinging dramatically onto his boyfriend's side instead of defending him.

you're spending your weekends at seungmin's house as chan makes you all listen to his new demo, han turning red in the face when his verse comes on. you're walking to school with jeongin- arms full of convenience store goodies as you make fun of your grumpy old maths teacher, leeknow following quietly behind you both, scolding you when you get too close to the road.

before you know it, you've found yourself a group of friends who makes highschool just that much bearable.

seungmin's completely enamored by you, coming to learn that you're at the top of every class that you have (except the ones you have with him, of course). you're just as ambitious as he is, joining the debate team and the mock un club, quickly joining the officers despite being a new student.

he's somewhat threatened by you, though he'd never admit it to himself, or to anyone else for that matter. you score higher than him in statistics, and he cant help the ugly feeling that settles in his chest when you show your paper to him, a bright blue 100 circled at the top.

he tries not to let it get to him, changing his mindset into seeing it as a healthy competition, a way for him to challenge himself even more in to doing better than you. it feeds his competitive side, staying longer than you in the library, sleeping later than you, reading more books.

this one sided competition makes him feel conflicted. he's out for your blood, and yet you're the same sweet, shy girl he's always been close to. you spend most of your time with seungmin, studying with him at his house, sleeping over when you've realized its way past ten in the evening, sneaking out of his house for a quick convenience store run.

"min, i'm hungry! lets go down to the store." you'd whine, voice slightly muffled against his soft sheets, tucked nice and warm under his blankets.

"go home, you've finished all the food here." he'd tease, not even bothering to look away from his homework.

"cant. you'd miss me after an hour." you'd retort, reaching blindly behind you for a plushie to throw at the back of his head.

"suppose that's true. can't help but be used to your presence when you're here nearly every day," he'd feign annoyance, exhaling loudly through his nose.

you'd pout at him when he'd finally turn in his chair to look over at you, already so at home, snuggling even deeper into his bed.

you really do have such pretty eyes.

"fine. grab your coat." and he'd try hard to fight his smile at the sound of your delighted squeals.

you found a way to break through his walls, chip away at the cement and reduce it to a fine dust which you've blown away. but he stands unguarded all the same, not even bothering to put up a fight when you wrestle your way into his heart.

he'd like to keep you there, he thinks.

sometimes he'd lie to himself and say that he tried. by your senior year, he managed to ruin the one good thing in his life.

how stupid was he?

amazing, really. how he was able to throw away three years of friendship for fifteen minutes of fame.

"how could you do this to me?" you hiss, dropping your backpack onto the floor of seungmin's bedroom. his back is faced towards you, gently shutting his door before he leans his forehead on it. he takes a deep breath, gathering enough courage to face you.

"y/n, i-"

"you embarrassed me in front of everyone. you told them everything, things i told you in confidence because i fucking trusted you. how could you do this to me, seungmin? how could you fucking do this to me?" your tears are hot, angry against your cheeks as you pace around his room. your voice grows louder with every word, reaching a scream when you stand in front of him.

"i wasn't thinking, y/n. i-"

"and for what? to make me look bad?" you laugh hollowly, hands flying to your hair in disbelief. "to make me look like some poor, fucking loser who's so mentally unstable she can't possibly become president of student council? was that your angle?"

there's a lump in seungmin's throat and no matter how hard he swallows, it just wont go down. he opens his mouth to speak, to defend himself, but his mouth has gone dry and his tongue tastes like sand.

"what the fuck is wrong with you? i thought we were friends? i thought we were best friends, seungmin? how could you air out all my shit like that? for a couple of votes? do you know how pathetic you are? is that how bad you want to be president? you're willing to throw me under the bus to make yourself look good?" you can taste the salty tears pooling in your mouth, snot slowly dripping down and creating a sticky mess on your face.

but you're too angry to care.

your chest hurts, like someone's kicked you to the ground and continuously stomped right in between your ribcage in an attempt to squash your heart. your head hurts from dehydration, and your neck is starting to feel sticky from the sweat that's pooled at the collar of your uniform.

"was this your master plan? you found out i was running against you so you sucked up to me, kept me close so you could get all the dirt? you fucking traitor, i cant believe i actually trusted you." your throat has gone raw from all the yelling, can feel the way your voice starts to come out hoarse.

"y/n, please. i'm so sorry i dont know what i was thinking. i just... when they asked me why they should vote for me my mind blanked and i-" he tries to get everything out as fast as he can, terrified you'll cut him off and start yelling again. but he can't continue because, holy shit, even he doesn't know why the fuck he did what he did.

"and you what? made me look fucking stupid so you rambled on for fifteen minutes about how much of a horrible person i am. god, if thats what you thought of me you shouldve let me know, seungmin! i couldve walked out of your life if i made you that miserable." you're starting to heave, all the air in the room suddenly disappearing.

"no, dont say that y/n. you're the best thing about me, you're my best fr-"

seungmin feels dizzy when your palm lands on his right cheek.

you cant stop sobbing, hands clutching at your chest as you shake your head. "fuck you," you whisper.

seungmin is stunned, frozen in the middle of his room with his mouth slightly open. he says nothing, does nothing as he watches you bend down weakly to grab your bag, sobbing through the motions of slinging it over your shoulders.

but then the panic starts to kick in when you push past him, your fingers reaching for his doorknob. his instincts kick in and hes wrapping his hand around your wrist.

"please don't go, please let's talk about this." his voice cracks. when did he start crying?"

you pause, and for a moment seungmin can feel the weight on his shoulder lift, all hope is not lost.

"its good to know where your priorities lie, seungmin. now i know you'll do anything to get ahead. even if that means hurting me." you tried to sound strong, but your voice comes out broken, a whimper.

"dont speak to me ever again."

you pull your hand away from him.

the weight on his shoulders is suddenly crushing.

and when he gave his acceptance speech in front of the entire student body, he frantically searched for your face. his heart dropped when his eyes locked with yours. eyes that once looked at him with so much warmth, care, and love- stared soullessly back at him.

he knew he fucked up the best thing in his life.

by the time you reach felix's cafe, hyunjin's whining had started to get on your nerves.

"i didn't ask you to carry it," you remind him, reaching for the strap.

he turns his body away from you, clutching your tote tighter against his side. "as if i'd let you carry this!"

yes, he was a gentleman. but a dramatic ass one.

"id honestly rather carry my bag than have to listen to you whine about how heavy it is."

"but it is so heavy! what the fuck did you put in here, rocks?"

you only roll your eyes, pushing open the glass door to the establishment. the tiny bell above the doorframe rings, announcing your arrival to the blonde boy behind the counter.

"oh my god, its soobin." you whisper under your breath, elbowing hyunjin in the ribs. he only looks at you puzzled, an eyebrow raised.

"he's so cute, ohmygod." you roll your eyes, quickly checking your blurry reflection on the glass door.

"not my type," hyunjin shrugs. you ignore him, walking straight to the counter.

"oh, hey soob!" you greet him, quickly shushing hyunjin when he starts to mock your airy tone. "is felix here?" you smile sweetly, trying to tame your hair from the mess caused by the strong winds outside.

"oh yea, he's over there in the booth by the window. he's not alone though," he says, wiping down the counter after spilling a few shaves of ice.

"oh, who's he with?" you ask, already making your way down the counter.

"dunno, the dude looks kinda stressed, to be honest." he shrugs, turning away from you when the bell lets him know he's got another customer to serve.

he's with a guy? he's not on a date is he? no- he wouldve told you. besides, he wouldnt have led hyunjin on either.

hyunjin follows behind you as you make your way towards the booth, heaving dramatically as he swings your tote bag off his shoulders. he crouches behind you, snickering to himself as you both slowly walk to the table, strands of felix's hair peeking out from the opposite bench.

"surprise!" hyunjin jumps from behind you, smile swiftly morphing into a face of shock, his mouth forming a small 'o'.

"holy shit, hyune! what are you doing here?"

your heart drops to the pit of your stomach. that voice-

"s-seungmin, i didnt know you were with felix."

you freeze, jaw dropped as seungmin stands. he clearly hasn't seen you yet, back facing you as he pulls hyunjin in for a hug, squeezing him tightly.

"i thought you were in paris?" felix squeals, sliding out of the booth and joining the three for a big bear hug. he's the one who finally notices you a few feet away, his smile dropping.

"y/n." he breathes, eyes wide.

when seungmin turns around, its almost as if in its slow motion.

he looks almost exactly the same, his hair a little longer, shaggier. his eyes look more tired, little bags under his eyes give away the sleepless nights he's become familiar with. his cheeks slowly turn a light pink, dusting across his nose all the way to the tip of his ears. he's dressed the way you remember him, loose comfy clothes.

he looks good, you think. you shake the thought away.

"oh, y/n." seungmin's voice is small as he locks eyes with you.

fuck, your eyes.

his first time seeing you in three years and he hates how you manage to steal his breath away. you've changed your hair, cut it a little shorter and dyed it lighter. you've pierced your ears, little sunflower earrings peaking from beneath your hair. you look so much more mature, your style has definitely changed.

but your eyes, they shine just as bright as he remembers. good to know his memory hasnt failed him yet.

"i didn't know you were coming, y/n." felix shoots you an apologetic glance, lips pursed and eyes wide.

"but i always come visit you on thursdays." you say flatly.

"yea but-"

"awh look! it's been a while since we've all seen each other, huh?" hyunjin cuts in, trying desperately to ease the tension. seungmin stays standing still, gawking stupidly at you. you try your best to pretend like you cant feel his gaze.

"yea, some of us made that decision on purpose." you mutter under your breath, but you don't miss the way seungmin's eye twitch.

felix smiles, lacing his hand with hyunjin's. "it's really been too long," he whispers, as if only meant for his lover.

"i'd really love if we could all spend some time together." hyunjin's eyes find yours, wide and pleading. "please?"

you offer him a tight lipped smile.

its already so awkward, the way felix and hyunjin slide naturally into the booth, beginning to chatter away. it leaves you and seungmin standing, stubbornly avoiding eye contact.

"do you- do you want to sit near the window, or?" seungmin's voice is small, eyes glued to the floor.

you shrug.

he nods, climbing in anyway. you take a deep breath before you move, reluctantly climbing onto the booth after him. you leave a considerable amount of space between the two of you, and seungmin can't help but roll his eyes.

it's been nearly three years, he thinks. how are you still holding a grudge against him? he clears his throat, about to start some small talk, but something stops him. maybe its the way you deliberately angle your body away from him, or the way you pull your phone out to scroll aimlessly, almost as if you were anticipating his move.

"so, how was paris?" seungmin asks hyunjin instead, shifting his body away from you. fine, be like that. at least hes not immature enough to make things awkward on purpose.

"oh, it was so romantic!" hyunjin exclaims, throwing his arm over felix's shoulder and resting it on the back of their booth. "it was a little depressing, actually. being in such a beautiful place all alone."

"well yea, but it was worth it right? who wouldve thought your one true love was right here all along." you tease, wiggling your eyebrows up and down.

"yea so is yours!" hyunjin teases you back. you only stick your tongue out.

beside you, seungmin tenses. surely, hyunjin isnt implying that he could be your true love, could he? the thought makes chest ache, an odd yearning to move closer to you, to let his fingers "accidentally" brush against yours-

"oh, soobin!" felix giggles, catching on.

seungmin's always hated that guy. from the moment he met soobin thirty minutes ago, he knew something was off. you can't date soobin, he wouldnt know how to take care of you. with his stupid blonde hair, his stupid bunny smile, his stupidly large eyes.

he bets soobin doesnt even know what your favorite type of ramen is, what your go-to snacks are, what your favorite flavor of ice cream is. important things that a lover should know.

things he knows.

oh, where'd that thought come from?

"shut up, you guys!" you hiss, checking to see if soobin is within earshot. you frown at felix, swatting across the table at his chest.

"what do you mean? you guys would look so cute together." hyunjin argues, quickly turning to catch a glimpse of soobin. you hide your face in your hands, profusely shaking your head as you sink deeper into the booth.

seungmin cant help the feeling of jealousy that bubbles deep in his gut. hes half scared hes going to projectile vomit all over the table when you straighten yourself out, sneaking a peek at the blonde boy who busies himself with creating a customer's drink.

"im probably not his type." you mumble.

"you're not." seungmin's shocked at the word that's slipped, hand quickly coming up to cover his mouth in shock.

all eyes are on him, and he can see the way you look at him, with your empty eyes staring right at his face. he hates it when you look at him like that, misses the way your eyes used to shine just for him.

"actually you know what, im getting kinda tired, i think im gonna go home instead." you blurt out, already reaching for your bag.

hyunjin's hand finds yours on the table, and he squeezes gently. "really?"

you swiftly pull your hand away. "yes. really."

"you know what, it doesnt matter. i actually made a reservation for us lixie. wasn't planning on staying long anyways. just wanted to surprise you." hyunjin sings sweetly, brushing away a stand of hair that had fallen on felix's cheek.

"yea, i think i'm gonna head home too." seungmin clears his throat.

just then, the sound of thunder roars outside, clouds a dark grey as they hang low.

fuck. just when you decided not to bring an umbrella.

"yea, i think we better get going. dont wanna get caught in the rain." felix sighs, gathering his stuff and offering hyunjin his hand.

"dont you have spare umbrellas here, lix? maybe we could borrow them. you know, just in case." as if on cue, the rain starts to come down heavily, droplets splattering against the window.

"yea, but there's only two." felix mutters, quickly slipping behind the counter to grab two black umbrellas leaning against the wall. "hyunjin and i can share, and maybe you and y/n-"

"i'm fine." you say stubbornly, arms crossed in front of your chest.

you'd rather die than spend two seconds alone with kim seungmin.

"oh dont say that, you'll get drenched and catch a cold." hyunjin sighs, grabbing one of the umbrellas from felix's hand and offering it to you.

"i'd actually prefer that, thanks." you snap, swatting his hand away.

hyunjin opens his mouth to berate you, but seungmin quickly steps in, reaching for the umbrella. "i'll handle this guys, you go enjoy your dinner."

you fume at that. 'oh he'll handle it? who the fuck does this guy think he is?'

you roll your eyes, pushing past your friends and heading for the door. you stand under the roof, crossing your arms in front of your chest as a cold chill blows past you. hyunjin and felix soon exit as well, wrapped tightly in their coats, hands entwined.

hyunjin steps towards you, pulling you in for a hug despite your protests. "be nice," he whispers, before planting a kiss on your cheek. you make a move to wipe it away, but hesitate when you see hyunjin pout.

"have a nice date." you mumble, watching as the pair huddles close under the umbrella, making their way to felix's car.

you hear the door open, and you hold your breath.

"let me walk you home." seungmin offers, his tone stern. this only ticks you off, wanting nothing more than to defy him despite his offer being in your best interest. your apartment is a good walk away, and the papers in your tote bag risk the chance of getting wet.

"i mean you- you live near my building, right?" he pleads, clicking his umbrella open. he waits patiently for you to respond, standing awkwardly by the sidewalk as you fight with your pride.

you nod, and thats all seungmin needs. he's by your side in an instant, holding the umbrella nearer to your side to ensure that not even an inch of you gets wet from the rain. his left side is already completely soaked, cringing at the feel of his cold hoodie sticking to his skin, but he ignores it. you set a fast pace, and his heart hurts at the though that it's probably because you can't stand to spend more time with him than you need to.

he notices you wince from the weight of your bag, taking a deep breath as you readjust the strap from falling off your shoulder.

"let me carry it," he's being bold, already reaching for the damn thing before you can say anything.

"i dont need any more favors." you snap, the first words you've directly said to him in nearly three years. he's glad you've at least acknowledged his existence now, but your words are sharp.

he lets it go, humming to let you know that he heard you. your pace quickens just a bit, eager to get home, out of the rain, and away from seungmin. your tote swings from the movement, getting caught on a nearby bush and very nearly pulling you back.

you lose your balance and slip, falling flat on your butt on the wet pavement. you try to brake your fall, scratching your palms in the process.

"oh my god, are you okay?" seungmin rushes down, still holding the umbrella over your head. he offers his hand to help you up, but you swat it away.

"i'm fine, alright? god, stop hovering!" you yell, pushing down on your scratched palms to help yourself up. you wince at the pain, brushing off tiny pebbles and bits of gravel from your open wound.

"y/n, you're bleeding." seungmin gawks, hand reaching out to touch yours. you quickly yank it out of his reach, almost as if you were hiding your palm from him.

"yea, thanks for the info." you mumble, trying your best to wipe away the mud that's splattered all over your jeans. seungmin moves quickly while you're preoccupied, crouching down to grab at your tote bag. he ignores your whines of protest, slinging it over his shoulder.

you let out a groan when he refuses to hand it back to you. "fine, whatever. suffer." you grumble, crossing your arms before walking away. seungmin quickly catches up to you, shielding you from the rain.

the walk home is painfully quiet. you're hyperaware of every movement he makes, every time he inhales, the way he clears his throat, as if he's about to say something before he changes his mind. all these emotions swirl angirly inside of you, most of them you cant even begin to comprehend.

because for some reason, you miss him. and it hits you like a truck when the sleeve of his hoodie grazes your elbow, the soft cloth reaching for you. it takes everything in you not to break down and grab for him, to hold him close and strangle him, to wrap your arms around him and hug him so tight he loses breath and dies of suffocation.

he smells the same, like the seungmin you remember who used to walk you home after band practice. the seungmin who held your hand in secret as you walked through the haunted house that one halloween. the seungmin who'd sing to you, alone in his room with his guitar on his lap.

your seungmin.

how could this stranger beside you be your seungmin?

how is it possible that the very same person who knows your deepest darkest secrets, your most embarrassing moments, your dreams and fears- is someone who doesn't know you at all?

seungmin stands stiff beside you as you reach the lobby of your apartment, shaking the little droplets of rain off the umbrella. he opens the door for you, urging you to enter before him.

"i'll have my bag back now, thanks." you say in monotone, eyes not even meeting his.

"let me carry it up." a bold request.

"i'm fine now, you know? im not some damsel in distress in need of saving." you mumble, standing your ground.

seungmin ignores you, already walking towards the elevator. he leaves it on hold, waiting a few seconds before you enter as well, grumbling under your breath.

once you reach your floor, you lead the way to your room, with seungmin trailing slowly behind you. he's shivering a little from the cold, the wet of his jacket only making the draft on the floor feel like ice against his skin. you notice, the little devil on your shoulder pleased at his suffering.

but there's another side of you that softens when you notice the way his teeth chatter, a shudder going down his whole body. god, you're gonna regret even opening your mouth-

"you can come in to warm up a little." you mumble, reaching into your coat pocket to fetch your keys.

seungmin merely blinks at you, unsure if he heard you correctly, or if his imagination was so strong that he managed to picture you saying the thing he so desperately wanted to hear.

but then you walk in, and you leave your door open. for him.

"oh, thanks." seungmin mutters awkwardly, reaching for the cup of tea you offer him. the warmth spreads from his fingertips to his palms, and he's genuinely grateful for the heat it provides. you only hum, grabbing your tote bag from the floor and setting it on the couch.

you pour yourself a cup, sitting directly opposite of the strange boy in your apartment. you blow away some of the steam that rises from the cup, eyes trained on the way the liquid ripples from the force of your breath.

seungmin opens his mouth to speak, but he cant seem to find the words to say what he wants to say. i'm sorry? no thats too lame. i miss you? fuck no, way too forward. how about-

"you're shivering." you point out, staring directly into seungmin's eyes.

his breath hitches. you're looking at him.

actually looking at him.

"oh, i- i didn't even notice." he lies. despite the fact that you turned your heater on, he's fucking freezing. his hoodie is heavy with rain and damp against his skin, sending shivers all the way up his arm and down his spine.

suddenly you stand, retreating into your room without a word. seungmin's confused, unsure if that's his cue that he's overstayed his welcome. but then you come back into the kitchen after a few seconds, holding a large blue hoodie in your arms.

his heart clenches when you unfurl it, revealing the old hoodie he'd given you a month before your graduation. he didnt even know you got it in the mail when he sent it. you werent even talking to him at that point. does that mean you'd gotten his letter too?

"well, i didnt wanna get rid of it, you know? would be a waste." you mumble. you toss it over to him, the cloth landing on his lap with a soft thud. he looks stupidly down at it, brain malfunctioning.

"you should change out of your sweater. you're wet. dripping all over my floor." you grumble, snatching seungmin's empty cup and setting it down on the counter behind him.

"you kept it?" seungmin whispers.

"like i said. didnt want it-"

"you kept it." seungmin turns to look at you.

his deep brown eyes are hopeful, crease in his brows giving away the myriad of emotions swirling deep in his stomach.

you stay silent, back turned towards him. you can feel the tears that pool behind your eyelids, threatening to fall as you hold yourself over the sink, turning your head completely away from seungmin. you hear the sound of fabric rustling, and your cheeks warm at the thought of him undressing in the middle of your kitchen.

the sound of wood scratching against your kitchen tiles is loud, the abruptness of seungmin standing up nearly sending the chair backwards.

"smells like you." he whispers. he cant trust his voice.

he takes a step towards you, your back still towards him.

"i think its time for you to go." you hiccup, a steady stream of tears flowing down your cheeks.

"look at me." seungmin begs, taking another step.

"you should go now, seungmin."

"look me in the eye when you tell me. then i will."

he's getting bold, standing right behind you, his chest pressing the back of your head. you whirl around, ready to yell at him, to scream at him, to slap him, to furl your hands into fists and beat against his chest.

but he's quicker, wrapping both his arms around your shoulders and pressing you close to him, tucking your head under his chin. he holds you like this for so long you figure its been hours. you stain the front of his chest with your tears, hands weakly wrapping around him, fingers curling into the fabric.

he still feels like seungmin.

your seungmin.

"you kept it. you got my letter too, didn't you sweetheart?" he whispers, as if afraid raising his voice would ruin the spell.

you sob violently against his chest, holding him tighter against you.

"i meant every single word," he squeezes you tightly, "i'm so sorry."

"you're an asshole, kim seungmin." you sob, shaking your head.

"i know, i know. i'm so sorry." he shushes you, smoothing down your hair, planting a soft kiss on the top of your head.

"do you know how much it hurts?" you sob, pulling away from him. "i see you almost everyday. you have the face of someone who knows every single thing about me, but you're a complete stranger to me." you sob into your hands, pouring your heart out to him.

"i know," he sniffles, wiping away the snot under your nose with his free hand.

"no, you dont. stop fucking saying that." you pull your face away from him, pushing his hand down. "you were my best friend and you- now its like i dont know you and-" you're hiccuping, heaving, out of breath as you break down.

"i'm sorry, sweetheart, okay? i'm so so sorry. i was so stupid,"

"well yea!" you yell, falling into him when he opens his arms up to you.

he chuckles dryly at that, holding you tightly against him, as if terrified you'd change your mind and kick him out of your home. and he cant bear to see it, the way you look up at him with tears in your eyes, bloodshot red and full of resentment. he wants to fix it so bad, misses the way you'd hold softness in your eyes reserved especially for him.

"i'll make it right," he promises, nuzzling his cheek against the top of your head. "i'll prove it to you, okay? i promise."

you sniffle, shaking your head. "i- i dont know,"

"hey, look at me." seungmin pulls you away from him, bending slightly so you're eye to eye. "i promise, i'll do everything i can to gain back your trust. i just miss you so much, y/n. i- i really fucked up and to this day it remains my greatest regret."

you stay quiet, eyes flickering between either of his. "even more than when you shaved your head that one summer?" you joke weakly.

seungmin can feel his heart pounding at the sight of your small smile. he thinks he sees your eyes twinkle. "yes, sweetheart. even more than that. i just... please. give me another chance. give me a chance to make it right with you, y/n."

you take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. seungmin's steadily crying, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand as he looks at you, expectantly. you stay quiet for so long seungmin can hear the blood rushing all the way to his head, going dizzy with anticipation and fear.

"you'll have to buy me lots of gummies, you know?" you mumble, looking up at him.

fuck. he'd buy you all the gummies in the world if it meant you'd keep looking at him with those eyes.

the words on your screen have started to blur altogether, vision hazy as you mindlessly scroll through the hundreds of pages of readings and notes youve been reviewing for the past...... god, was there even a time you weren't studying? even the music playing through your headphones have lost its appeal, sounding more and more like radio static.

you jolt out of your trance at the sound of books slamming against the surface of your table, which shakes under the weight. you quickly pull your headphones off and look up at the intruder, who smiles sheepishly at you.

"sorry, did i wake you?" seungmin asks, pulling up a chair beside you.

"no, you saved me." you groan, stretching your whole body until your limbs start to vibrate.

seungmin only laughs, sinking deep into his chair. he takes his cap off and runs his fingers through his hair. he scoots a little closer to you, then bends the other way to retrieve a little brown paper bag.

"i brought you breakfast." he says, rolling his eyes at the way you pout at him.

"seungmin, you didnt!" you gasp, receiving the tall cup of iced coffee with eager hands.

"i did this for myself, actually." he claims, pulling out some warm bread to share with you. "dont want you grumpy all morning. what time did you come in? you look like shit. no offense."

you shrug, taking a long sip of the cold drink.

"wait, weren't you wearing that last night when i left? y/n.. dont- oh my god, dont tell me you spent the whole night here?"

you stare blankly back at him. "our final exam is in three days."

"do you plan on staying awake until then?" seungmin bites sarcastically, and you kick his chair.

"i have to atleast get a 97 on his exam or else i wont finish his class with high honors." you whine, running your fingers through your hair in frustration.

you're so much like him, seungmin thinks. he, too, is familiar with sacrificing his happiness for a perfect grade. except now he has to work just as hard as you just to pass. the thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"you have to get some sleep or you wont finish his class at all." he threatens, staring down at you.

you only frown, but you dont need that much convincing, as you're already closing your laptop shut, scooting your chair just that much closer to seungmin's so your arm grazes his.

"wake me up in thirty minutes." you grumble, linking your arm with his and resting your head on his shoulder. he raises it a little to grant you comfort, unbothered by the fact that his arm will inevitably start to tense and ache.

"sweet dreams," he hums, discreetly kissing the top of your head as he pretends to look at the empty chair next to you.

ten minutes pass, and you're already snoring. your fair falls in a mess in front of your face, and seungmin has to hold back from sweeping your hair away in fear that he'd accidentally wake you up. he cant help but feel his chest swell at the feeling of you leaning on him, he feels like a highschooler high with giddiness, trying hard not to vibrate in his seat.

screw the readings, he can barely keep you out of his head. this past month has been an absolute dream to him, spending every waking moment by your side. treating you to almost every single meal, keeping you company as you run your errands, crashing at yours to study and just goof around.

this is how he remembers you- full of life, playful, just a little mischievous. so positively alluring that seungmin feels himself falling in love with you. it hit him like a brick that night you passed out with papers strewn across your bed, your limbs tangling with his. he didnt sleep a wink that night, too busy studying your face. you looked so peaceful, he remembers, burying your face in the crook of his neck and holding him tightly in your sleep.

he looks down at you now, cant stop the smile from spreading across his face. he'll let you sleep for a little longer, he decides. he doesnt care if you get upset with him (you will), you deserve the rest. seungmin's about to finally clear his head of you and actually get some studying done when he locks eyes with a tall blonde from across the room.

god, of all the people.

"oh, hey! seungmin, right? felix's friend?" soobin says in a low voice as he approaches the table.

"yea, soobin right?" stupid fucking name.

"yea. hey- is that y/n?" he nods towards your sleeping figure.

ew. stop looking at her. "oh, yea. she passed out."

"damn, she's really studious, huh? ran into her late last night when she was here all alone." soobin sighs, frowning at you.

seungmin wants to puke at the thought of you spending time alone with soobin. he wants to ask him so many questions like- how long did you talk to her for? what did you guys talk about? how much can i pay you to leave her alone?

"yea, shes hardworking. i admire her for that." seungmin smiles fondly.

"oh... wait- are.. are you guys, like, a thing? or something?" soobin takes a step back and seungmin's breath hitches in his throat.

"cuz if you guys are, i can totally back off, you know?"

seungmin stays silent, weighing his options. he could lie and say you guys were dating, but if you found out, you'd probably hate him and ignore him for the rest of his life and he'd rather die than let that happen. on the other hand, if he tells the truth, soobin would obviously try to pursure you. and he knows you have a little crush on him too.

seungmin bites his lower lip, then shakes his head. "nah, we're just friends." seungmin can feel some bile rise in his throat. not for long, he thinks cockily.

"oh, cool cool. uhm, if you could do me a favor, man? just... i dunno ask her to go to the cafe again this week? maybe i'll work up the courage to ask her out or something." soobin chuckles, cheeks turning a deep red.

seungmin can only nod. finally soobin offers him a small smile and leaves. there's a heavy feeling in seungmin's stomach, almost as if he'd been punched in the gut. he cant even begin to imagine you dating someone else, in fear that he'd just break down right then and there.

its kinda pathetic, really. you're not even his yet and he's already thinking of all the ways he can get soobin to leave you alone. he wants to print a large sign that says "do not approach, angry guard dog will bite" over your head, just to keep everyone else away from you.

god, since when was he this possessive?

he spends the next forty minutes thinking of ways to get you to be his. and when you finally stir awake, the first thing that seungmin says is-

"we should stop going to felix's cafe."

obviously, you dont listen.

you go to felix's cafe anyways, except you're always alone. seungmin doesn't need to know where you go every thursday afternoon while he's in class, anyways. he never told you why he wanted you to stop coming here, but you have a hunch. a tall, blonde, stupidly handsome hunch.

"y/n!" soobin greets you warmly, leaning over the counter to get a better look at your face.

"hey, soob." your cheeks warm.

you know that nothing is going on between you and seungmin, but you can't help but feel guilty doing exactly the opposite of what he asked of you. but something's shifted the past few days you've been spending with seungmin, almost as if you're seeing each other in this new light. you push this thought to the back of your head like you always do, telling soobin your order and waiting for felix at your booth.

by the time soobin brings the food to you, your phone rings.

fuck. its seungmin.

"hello?"

"hey, my classes ended a little early today. where are you?"

"oh, uhm im-"

oh my god lie faster.

"yea?" you can hear him huffing, obviously walking around campus, probably looking for you.

"at the library." you spit, looking outside the window, frozen with paranoia. lying to him feels so so wrong.

"its wednesday, y/n. library's closed."

oh my fucking god, lie better.

"i went to meet felix." you finally admit, shrinking into your seat.

you hear seungmin sigh. "is he out already?"

"no," you mumble.

"so you're alone?"

you hum.

"im on my way."

he hangs up, and you let out a sigh.

finally, felix barges out from the kitchens and quickly clocks out, throwing his apron over his head and hanging it on the hook by the door. he smiles when he sees you, nearly leaping over the counter to get to you.

"hello, my dear y/n." felix hums, kissing you quickly on the cheek and settling on the booth opposite from you.

"hello, my dear lixie." you hum, pushing a plate of waffles in front of him. "for you, your usual."

felix groans with hunger, fixing his plate with a heavy load of syrup and a huge dollop of butter. "so, how are things? any important new updates this week?"

you shrug, taking a sip of your iced coffee. "nothing new, really..... except, i guess...."

felix hums, urging you to continue.

you let out a deep breath, shaking your head. "i think... i think something's going on between seungmin and i."

you bite the inside of your cheek at felix's reaction, mouth agape as he stares blankly at you. it takes him a moment to process before he finally swallows the food in his mouth and he lets out an evil giggle. "oh, this is... oh, hyunjin owes me so much money!"

"you prick!" you gasp, swatting at felix's arm. "you guys bet on us?"

"well, i mean, come on! it was sooo obvious, i mean, it was only a matter of time, you know?" felix shrugs, cutting up another piece of his waffle.

"no, i do not know!" you squeal, piercing the piece with your fork and stuffing it into your mouth, ignoring your friend's whines of protest. "you guys thought seungmin and i would end up together?"

"well yea, everyone with eyes thought so! come on, y/n. he's looked at you like a lovesick puppy since highschool." felix rolls his eyes. "you guys were always together, and he knew you better than all of us combined. not to mention how lifeless you both were the two years you werent talking. i mean seriously, it was like hanging out with a couple of zombies."

your cheeks warm. "but- im still not even sure of how he feels about me."

"wow. love does make you oblivious as fuck, or whatever they say." felix shakes his head, chugging down his vanilla milkshake before he suddenly remembers something.

"does that mean you're gonna let him help you grade the papers for extra credit?"

you freeze. "what?"

"yea, seungmin said he needs to convince you or else he'd fail, or something. you guys talked about it already, or?"

your breath falters, and your brows furrow. "seungmin's failing a class?"

felix swallows. he cant shake off the feeling that he said something he shouldnt have. but he could never keep a secret from you.

"well- yes. his prof said he needed to convince you to help him get extra credit."

"wait, when was this?" you ask, voice stern.

oh, felix is soooo in deep shit. "uhm, like the day you guys started talking again."

your heart drops to your ass. surely, thats not the whole reason why he was so desperate to talk to you again, right? but you cant shake away the feeling, remembering back to highschool when he'd done almost the exact same thing.

but he promised. he promised it'd be different this time, right?

"seungmin told you that he needed to convince me to let him grade some papers?" you clarify.

"yea."

"and what did you say?"

"i uhm- i told him to like, turn on his charm or something along those lines."

you scoff in disbelief.

felix is going to hell. "but, that was my advice before i knew it was you! i just... i know seungmin needed some help and he'd do anything to get a good grade so i figured he was extra desperate because he was borderline failing and i was just so shocked and-"

"felix, just stop talking." you mumble, leaning back against the booth.

felix only nods, wringing his hands in nervousness. he opens his mouth to speak, but you shoot him a glare. he falls silent again, nervously gnawing on his bottom lip.

your mind's racing, going 100 miles an hour as you go through every moment youve had with seungmin this past month. obviously, this favor is not the only reason he tried hard to convince you to talk to him again, right?

but theres a small voice inside of you, the one who remembers the harsh pain seungmin caused that's screaming, telling you to cut him off, shut him out before he can hurt you all over again.

by the time seungmin pulls open the glass door, you've made up your mind.

"he-"

"this is the last time i let you break my heart, kim seungmin." you say firmly, brushing past him.

seungmin can only stand, frozen. his heart drops to his stomach, head going fuzzy as his gaze lands on felix. he opens his mouth to say something, but he cant find the words.

"what did you say?" seungmin asks.

"im sorry, i didnt know, i thought-"

seungmin's rushing out, throwing the door wide open as he runs out into the street. he can feel his heart pumping as he pushes through crowds of people, racing towards you. he can hear his blood rushing, catching sight of your yellow sundress as you're pushing open your apartment building. seungmin's never been a runner, hell, he nearly failed PE in highschool when he was forced to run laps a whole semester. but right now? he feels like the fucking flash.

he yells for you, ignoring the stitch in his side as he manages to somewhat catch up to you. by the time he throws open the heavy metal door to your apartment complex, the elevator doors are closing, your eyes locking with his.

"fuck." seungmin heaves, bending down to rest his hands on his knees. he needs to reach you before you lock him out of your room. he knows how stubborn you can be, you could probably ignore his pleas and incessant knocking for days if you had to.

seungmin gags, shaking his limbs before he bolts up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, pushing his legs to work faster. the backpack on his shoulders is heavy but he could care less. he cant risk losing you again.

sweat flows freely from his forehead by the time he reaches your floor, and by some miracle, he catches you walking down the hall.

"y/n!" he heaves, sliding his bag off his shoulders and leaving it right there in the hall. "please-"

"go away, seungmin." your voice cracks, digging for your keys in your bag.

he shakes his head, jogging up to you before you can close the door in his face. he sticks his shoe in the closing gap, groaning when it gets stuck between your door and the frame.

"what the fuck?" you yell, backing up as seungmin forces his way into your apartment, closing the door behind him.

"no you- you have to hear me out." he's panting, vision going blurry. jesus christ, he was out of shape.

"you want to talk about it?" you challenge, shrugging your coat off and throwing it on the floor.

"yes." he heaves, leaning against the wall.

"okay, lets talk about it. is it true that you wanted to convince me to help you get extra credit?" your hands are crossed in front of you. seungmin's admittedly a little scared.

"yes, but-"

"but what? i wasnt supposed to find out?"

"no! that was before-"

"before what?" you take a step closer, crowding him in.

"before i realized i was in love with you!" seungmin yells, hiding his face in his hands.

you're silent, expression stoic. "you're sick." you whisper, unsure of yourself. your heart is racing, and you take a step back. "dont... dont say that."

"but its the truth!" seungmin's desperate know, tears welling in his eyes. it wasnt supposed to happen like this. he was supposed to take you out, confess his feelings for you properly, but now its all ruined and rushed and- oh, when he gets his hands on lee felix-

"the truth?" you scoff, shaking your head at him. "how am i supposed to believe you? with everything that... that's happened?"

"you're going to have to trust me." seungmin steps forward, hesitant. he can see the doubt in your eyes and it makes him sick. he'd run up 10 flights of stairs if it meant you'd never look at him like that again.

"trust me when i say that i was a fucking fool in highschool for hurting you, and i spend every day thinking about how if i could, i would go back in time to change everything." he takes another step forward, backing you against the door to your bedroom.

"that i wasted two and a half years of my life by not spending them with you, knowing that you were so near me, that i could easily walk up to you but i was too embarrassed, too scared you'd shut me out." seungmin's baring his soul out, but its too late to stop.

"that i thought about you every single day, thought about what could have been if i wasnt so stupid. that ive spent the last few months doing everything i can to prove to you that i would never ever hurt you like that ever again. but with you im just so stupid, i feel like im always doing the wrong things because youre all up in my head taking up all the space and i fucking love that i cant think about anything but you."

you can only stare up at him. you can see the way his gaze flickers away from you, too nervous to maintain eye contact. he reaches out to you, fingers hesitantly brushing against the back of your hand. testing. you pull away from his touch to wipe away the tear that's managed to slip away, clearing your throat. he tilts his head, hands settling firmly on your waist.

"i love you, y/n. please, you have to believe me."

he's waiting for you to say something, anything. he's never poured his heart out like that before, the silence eating away at him as he slowly spirals, overthinking every word he's said.

but then you relax in his hold, pressing your chest subtly against his. and he knows there's hope.

"are you really failing a class?" you whisper, and seungmin can only laugh.

"that's your concern?" he leans down, dragging the tip of his nose against your cheek. he inhales deeply, nuzzling against you.

"well, yes." you gently push him away by the shoulder, looking up at him. "i cant have my boyfriend failing any of his classes."

seungmin smiles, absolutely melting when you wrap your arms around his neck. "oh yea? does that mean you'll let me in on the extra credit?"

"you are on thin, thin ice, seungmin." you warn, reaching up to finally press your lips against his. seungmin absolutely melts, letting out a low groan at your taste. one hand on your waist, seungmin leans into you, reaching behind you to open your bedroom door. you gasp when you lose balance, recovering quickly when seungmin walks you backwards, never once pulling away from you until the back of your knees hit your bed.

you let out a squeal when you fall back, seungmin expertly finding his way in between your legs. "tell me you want me," seungmin commands in between kisses, hands roaming up and down your sides.

"i do. i want you." you breathe, pushing off seungmin's jacket.

"yea?" seungmin hums, pulling back to bunch up your dress until it sits just below your ribcage. he leans back, simply staring down at you with stars in his eyes.

"stop staring at me." you mumble shyly, turning your head to the side.

"dont want to," seungmin hums, quickly throwing his shirt off into a random corner of your room. "ill look at my girl as long as i like." he leans down, capturing your lips with his.

"your girl, hmm?" you hum, smiling as he kisses his way up your stomach, fingers gripping onto the hem of your dress. your breath hitches when his fingers brush against your under boob. he smiles against your skin, looking up at you.

"aren't- arent you going to take my dress off?" you whisper into the air, and seungmin stops his teasing kisses against your hip.

"well, i was going to but then.." he kisses over the fabric, planting a wet kiss in between your breasts before latching onto your neck for a playful bite. "then i thought about how i want to fuck you in it and then take you out to dinner after."

your cheeks grow red, lightly slapping his arm at his vulgarity. "doesnt that sound better, baby?" seungmin hums, playing with the hem of your underwear.

your breath goes shaky as seungmin continues to toy with you, pads of his fingers lightly pressing against your clit from over your underwear, providing the littlest bit of friction, but enough to drive you crazy.

"seungmin, please-"

"please, what?" he teases, hips pressing into your thigh. you can feel him through his sweats, hard and aching against you. he begins to grind against you, gentle enough to tease you and get him off at the same time.

"need you to touch me." you huff, frustrated.

"i am, baby." seungmin chuckles, pads of his fingers pressing against you firmly, trailing down until he teases your entrance, soiling the fabric of your underwear with how wet you are.

"you know what i mean," you whine.

seungmin only hums, lowering his sweats just enough to free his cock. he pulls your underwear to the side, exposing your cunt to the cold air of the room, making you shiver.

"you're so wet, baby. bet i could slide right in, huh?" seungmin teases you with his tip, tapping it firmly against your clit and trailing down to coat himself in you.

"god, just put it in, minnie." you sigh, grabbing at his shoulders.

"minnie?" seungmin smirks, nosing against your jaw. "i like that."

he finally presses in, slowly making sure you feel every inch of him. you wince a bit at the pain, and seungmin notices with a coo. he pulls your hands away from his shoulders to hold against your bed, fingers intertwining with yours.

"i'm sorry, does it hurt?" he coos, slowly pulling out to thrust back in.

"a little, its okay. kiss me."

seungmin obeys, leaning down to kiss you sweetly as he starts at an even pace. he's slow with it, stroking so deep you can feel him in your throat. it feels intimate this way, with his hands in yours, his chest pressed firmly against you. he pants into your mouth, kissing you when you start to moan too loudly.

"tell me you love me." seungmin sighs, resting his forehead against yours.

you nod, "i love you. love you minnie."

seungmin lets out a groan at that, pulling one hand away to sneak in between your bodies, tips of his fingers finding your clit. he starts to move them in circles, your high fast approaching.

"i'm gonna cum," you whine, squeezing his hand.

"cum with me, baby. please," he begs, holding you so tight against him you feel the air knocked out of you with every thrust. you cum with a whine of his name, fingers digging into the back of his hand. his hips stutter before he presses as deep as he can into you, groaning loudly as he mouths at your neck.

you're both sweaty and sticky, but seungmin pays no mind as he collapses completely on top of you, wrapping his limbs around you. he looks up at you when his breathing starts to even, a cheeky grin on his face.

"what," you laugh, pushing him away by the shoulder when he leans in to kiss you.

he loves the sound of your happiness, basking in it as he shifts closer to pull you into his side. you happily comply, ignoring the mess in between your legs in favor of cuddling up to your lover.

"i really do love you." seungmin reassures, and you roll your eyes.

"i love you too. really." you hum, kissing his shoulder. "now clean me up, and dont even think about falling asleep."

seungmin groans, rolling off your bed to reach for a towel to wet. "but we have plenty of time before dinner. we can nap!"

"no, i will nap." seungmin frowns, walking into your bathroom and turning the faucet on.

"and what do you expect me to do?" seungmin says once he returns to the room, eyebrows raised.

"you, will check all the papers left in my bag." seungmin only laughs, leaning down to wipe in between your thighs, careful to get every drop.

"then can we get dinner?" he asks, pout on his lips.

"yes. your treat."

"well, duh."

as you close your eyes and start to drift off to sleep, seungmin only watches, hunched over on your bedroom floor, hundreds of papers scattered in front of him. he prays he'll be able to get it together and pry his eyes away from you to actually get some work done.

he seriously doubts it.

taglist: comment if you want to be added or removed!

@pochamin22 @bee123sthings @ohnocent @hyunchannie017 @r1n4 @heluvschibi @kpop-obsessed-all-the-time @elizalabs3 @uknowme-not @bee123sthings @n034sy

[eris-norwega]

Alastor SFW Alphabet

Notes: …hey guys. so idk if you noticed but i have kind of an “announcements board” at the top of my masterlist post. this is where you can find updates on when i’m working on requests and shit, so make sure to check it! lately i’ve been kind of in an “alastor funk” and i just needed to do this as a writing exercise to get me back into it. enjoy!

Synopsis: Alastor’s nonsexual actions and quirks in a romantic or queer-platonic relationship. Mostly applies to demon Alastor, but some can be read with human Alastor in mind.

CW: discussions of trichotillomania and anxiety disorders, a dash of murder

Word Count: 2711

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Alastor’s not very affectionate, at least not in public. He’s keen on keeping you safe from the public eye; no one can know someone is important to him. Sometimes he can’t help himself, and when word finally gets out about you two, he’s a bit less concerned with PDA and will maybe hold your hand. In private though? Very sweet. It starts out slow, just small cuddle sessions every now and then, but then he realizes how touch starved he is.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Whether you meet while alive or in Hell is up to you, but to be friends with him, you have to have a certain je nais se quoi. You gotta be a little weird and quite persistent to handle him. He’s very odd and a bit hard to deal with at times. But once you’ve earned his loyalty, he’s great company. Alastor is funny and honest (brutally so). He makes a great conversationalist. You’re always getting into shenanigans together, much to everyone’s displeasure. You’re attached at the hip, causing chaos wherever you go.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Alastor will never admit it, but he does enjoy cuddles from you—he just has to be in the right mood. It took a while to get used to, but he’s so goddamn touch starved, he caved almost immediately. He loves to hold you so much, but he really loves being held too (you will never know this). If you ask him to be the little spoon, he’ll scoff and protest, but he’s so goddamn excited. It makes him feel safe. He loves it when you pet his ears. It just feels nice coming from you. He also really likes holding you to his chest and laying his chin on your head.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Alastor is a gentleman raised mostly by his mother, of course he’s good at domestic chores. Also, have y’all tasted Louisiana food? It’s the best shit you’ll ever have. His mother’s jambalaya? Amazing! His gumbo? Superb! A seafood dish? Fantastic! This man can cook. As for other chores, he’ll absolutely help you. He isn’t one to think a woman’s sole job is to be the lady of the house and do all the chores. He’ll insist on doing chores with you just to spend more time with you. As for settling down, of course he wants to, he’s from the early 1900s. It’ll probably take a long time though—he wants to court you right.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Separate? Ha! As if he would let that happen. If he really had to for some reason, you’ll notice all his walls are back up. You will probably never understand why he did it, even if it’s for your own safety. If he decides he has to break up with you, he just goes for it. No need to prolong the pain. He just rips the bandaid off. He’ll distance himself immediately afterwards. If you have to break up with him, he absolutely won’t take it well. Everything in him screams to force you to stay, but he knows if he truly loves you, he can’t in good conscience do that. Again, all his walls will go back up, not letting you know how deeply you wounded him. He won’t be the same for a while, something just slightly off about him for the next few months.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Like I said earlier, he wants a proper courtship, and that might take a bit. Alastor is not here to rush things. He’ll take however long you need. He absolutely would get married to you, no question, but in the end, it’s all up to you how you want things to go. As long as he’s with you, he’s fine with anything.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Alastor is only gentle with you. He absolutely knows how to be, like when his mother would comfort him. Only you get to be on the reciprocating end of his softness. At least physically. He’s a little more rough around the edges emotionally and doesn’t understand how others are so freely emotional. He can be a bit too blunt sometimes, accidentally hurting your feelings. He knows this to an extent. For example, if you need physical comfort, he will dote on you physically without saying a word, because he knows if he speaks in your time of vulnerability, he might say something accidentally hurtful.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Alastor is not a huggy person, only for formalities. He only really gives and reciprocates hugs when you really need them. Cuddles to him are different. Just standing there and hugging is fundamentally dissimilar. But if you really need one, he’ll squeeze you tight and rock you side to side, one hand around your waist and the other behind your head.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Fucking eternity. Love doesn’t come easy to him. It never has. So just openly admitting that he loves you? Yeah, that’ll take a long time. Don’t rush him to say it either. He’ll get freaked out and will pull back for a little. He’ll say it in his own time. He’ll just show you physically in the mean time.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Of course Alastor gets jealous. He’s possessive as hell. Alastor will let you talk to others obviously, but if you spend too much time with your friends, or even with your job or hobbies, he’ll start to get pissy. This man needs attention, even if it’s negative. He wants your eyes on him. If someone else has their eyes on you though? They’re as good as dead. And they will be! Next up on his radio broadcast: the screams of your secret admirer.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Alastor mostly gives little pecks, especially on the cheek or nose. Sweet and short. When it gets down to actual kissing, it really depends on his mood. He can be slow and sensual, or he can be passionate and rough. Of course, you’ll have to teach him. This man has never kissed anyone in his life before you. He gets pretty good at it though! His favorite places to kiss you are, as previously stated, your cheeks and nose, your hand, but also your neck if he’s feeling frisky. In return, he likes being kissed on the lips and jaw. It just does something to him.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Alastor is not fond of children. It’s just never something he cared for or wanted. He’s terrified of being a terrible father, so he’d just rather not deal with it at all. He’s good with kids, sure, but it’s not something he’s interested in dealing with for the next 18 years. He’s mostly nice to them out of courtesy.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Very domestic. Will greet you with a kiss to the cheek and breakfast in bed. That’s if he stays up like usual. If he actually fell asleep the night before, he’s either up at the buttcrack of dawn or is honk-shooing until way after you wake up. Is super cuddly in the morning when he’s barely conscious. He tries not to show it, but he’s super embarrassed about it later. He’s also whiny as hell. If you try to wake him up, he’ll hit you with the “give me five more minutes,” and then almost rolls off the bed trying to turn away from you. Sleepy eepy man.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

We know this fucker doesn’t sleep. Well, too bad, you’re making him stay in bed with you. Lord knows what he does at night canonically (or with any of his free time), but now it’ll be spent with you. You’ll both start to slow things down for the night: getting ready for bed, dimming the lights—that sort of thing. As you’re drifting asleep, Alastor will usually read a book quietly, sometimes out loud if you ask him. Maybe play some kind of white noise if you like that sort of thing. Cuddles? Sure. He doesn’t care what you do at night as long as it helps you get your beauty sleep. Like I said earlier, sometimes he’ll fall asleep with you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It’s a very, very long process with Alastor. He has been protecting himself and his information for decades now, and even with you, it’s very hard for him to reprogram that. He starts with little things: his favorites, his likes, his dislikes. Mundane sort of stuff. It’ll be a while before he gets into his past and other deep topics. He might even have to get drunk the first time he tells you about his life.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Alastor definitely gets angry a lot more than he shows externally. He is absolutely simmering under the surface if someone just slightly ticks him off. It’s different with you though. He doesn’t want to ruin what you both have, so he’s more accommodating to your more frustrating quirks. He might get snippy if he’s in a bad mood, but if he ever blows up on you, he’ll self-isolate so hard as his own punishment.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Every. Single. Detail. This man does not forget. He saves the knowledge for gift giving and dates, or just anything that’ll make you happy. Oh, you mentioned in passing that you like, I don’t know, acorns? You’ll be getting Alastor’s best hand-picked acorns for the next month.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Literally any first. That and when you two can comfortably bicker with each other. He loves fake arguing with you as if you were just friends making jabs at each other. Loves when you can play around and poke fun at each other. One of his favorite moments was having a sarcasm war in his bayou realm in his room that ended up with you tackling him into the mud. You both looked insane after, but you couldn’t stop laughing.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Alastor is insanely protective. He’s only ever cared about very few people, so he has to protect you at all costs. He already lost his mother to Heaven, so nothing can happen to you. Has all kinds of protection spells put on you, including a necklace or some piece of jewelry that can notify him of your location at a moment’s notice. Goes absolutely apeshit if someone tries to hurt you. Alastor does not want to be protected by you. He thinks it’s his job to protect you, not the other way around. Besides, why would the Radio Demon need protecting? Despite this, you make him carry around a similar piece of jewelry. He fiddles with it a lot.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Alastor is the best at spoiling you. His mother taught him to treat women right, and he will honor that wish until his second death. Has all the important dates memorized. Always organizing dates, either in public or in private. Loves cooking meals for you. He tries to give you everything in the world, but if he’s in a particular mood, he’ll surprise you with something a little gruesome, like the dead body of someone who gave you a weird look that one time.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Very broken, very angry, and honestly pretty toxic sometimes. Reminder that he isn’t really a great person and is a master manipulator. Extremely petty about disagreements and would rather get angry and avoid you than talk it out. When he’s stressed, sometimes he’ll snap at anyone, including you. This leads to profuse apologies later, but his anger isn’t an easy fix seeing as there probably aren’t any great anger management therapists in Hell.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Alastor tries to ask like he couldn’t care less but it’s so painfully obvious to everyone that he does. Always looks spiffy and crisp in just the way he likes it or it’s wrong. He absolutely hates his deer characteristics, especially the ears. His hairstyle is also a whole thing that I’ll explain in “Xtra,” but I like to believe he straightened his (naturally curly) hair to the point of permanent damage, and because it’s Hell, it’s just fucken stayed like that. Why did he do it? Internalized racism from when he was alive and the need to conform.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Alastor doesn’t need anyone. He’s very independent and doesn’t pin his happiness on anyone. That being said, if something were to happen to you, he would feel an emptiness, but he’ll try to ignore it with every fiber of his being until it festers. So yes, he would feel incomplete without you, but he’d never acknowledge it. Ever.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I believe Alastor has trichotillomania and an anxiety disorder. It’s not explicitly shown in the show (I mean maybe the anxiety bit), but these are some less obvious things that I think apply to him. The reason he smiles so much? He’s terrified. He doesn’t even really know it because he pushes it down so much, but he desperately wants control over everything, and not necessarily in a power-hungry way, but that’s what he’s turned it in to. This is especially apparent during his breakdown after the battle with Adam. I believe it stemmed from an out-of-control traumatic childhood. Now, for his hair. Trichotillomania is a hair-picking disorder. My reason for his fuckass haircut? That. He has a weird undercut going on because he is always tugging at his hair back there. If he’s particularly stressed out, sometimes the only indicator is if his hair is thinning, letting you know he’s been pulling at it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Alastor hates rushing into things. He didn’t think he could like anyone romantically, so taking things too fast would severely freak him out. Also, never humiliate him in front of others. If he’s doing or saying something stupid, talk about it in private. He will hold a grudge forever if you humiliate the Radio Demon in front of common sinners. Again, not too fond of PDA unless he’s feeling really jealous and needs to show you off.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Alastor doesn’t sleep much. Like ever. He’ll stick next to you while you’re sleeping, but he just kind of hangs around. When he does sleep, it’s because you’ve forced him to because he clearly needs it. He falls asleep almost instantly. He has weird little static snores and his smile finally drops. He looks…peaceful. He feels really vulnerable sleeping, so he usually starts by staying as far away from you on the bed as possible. However, every time you wake up, he’s snuggled up to you, much to his horror.

[sillyteenagegirlinlovewithblocks]

Screaming crying throwing up rn I LOVE you're writing smmm ever since I got back into aphmauuu <3 if you want to can u write a Mystreet Garroth x werewolf reader? Idk if I asked this before I'm sorry 😭😭 as usual take ur time and do what's best for u :)

Secrets.

Pdh!Garroth Ro’meave x reader.

Cw: I don’t think so I mean he kinda yells at ivy but that’s it.

(I’m actually I love you for saying that because like I’m not as confident as I wish I was with my writing but that made me feel so happy. ALSO I HOPE YOU LIKE ITT. I know i added my own creative motive but it wasn’t specified so I hope this is okay and thank you sm I’ve been in a writing funk and this definitely help me. 

“ werewolf class? Why would they put you in a werewolf class? You're not even a werewolf” Garroth says to y/n while walking to school for their first day back from summer break.

“ I don’t know I think it’s just a class mix up “

y/n feels hot in the face. Lying especially about this well it’s stupid but she was a late bloomer for her ears and tail and it seemed embarrassing to randomly show up with them so she just hid it.

“ that’s weird but it makes sense Laurence got put in classes he didn’t even sign up for too. Can you imagine doing advanced math? Poor sucker” he laughs.

“Garroth I’m in advanced math too,” Y/n states blankly.

“ Oh, that sucks,” he says making a teeth-gritting face and then turning to the school they just arrived at. Letting go of each other's hands because he gets to go in early.

“ have fun in werewolf class baby.” he kisses her on the forehead. She hums in response. He looks down at her face before he walks away, seeing her smile he can't help but think she is so beautiful and garroth has never been one to keep that to himself.

“Sometimes when I look at you I just wanna eat your face 'cause you're so pretty,” he says while looking at her with the most serious face you will see him make. She smiles back and nods at his odd compliment.

“ you can eat my face later after school but right now you are late” she laughs.

“ oh shoot you're right “ he runs away and blows her a kiss. As he leaves sight you hear a familiar voice from behind you.

“ awe isn't that cute, you two love birds. Sadly it won't last any longer once he finds out you have been lying to him. You know garroth HATES lying more than anything” Ivy claimed.

“ lying? What have I been lying about Ivy?” y/n asks. Ivy pulls out a picture of her bag and hands it to you. The picture is of y/n at home with her ears and tail out.

“ This is fake,” y/n hand it back to her.

“ is it and what about this video? “ she shows her a video on her phone.

( in the video)

“ yeah I just feel so bad for lying to him”

Why don't you tell him you're a werewolf “

“ I don't know I guess it's embarrassing and it's not as it matters that much I guess”

“ doesn't it cause it ways on your conscience you should tell him “

( video ends )

“Ivy what the fuck that's stalking, that was a private conversation. I could sue you for that!” y/n fumed out the ears.

“ your too poor for that” Ivy says without hesitation. “ look I'm going to show garroth this video once I find him and then he's going to break up with you and get with me” She smiles and waves while walking away from y/n

“ that's messed up, “ Laurence says coming out of nowhere. Y/n flinches like someone is about to hit her.

“ geez chill it's just me. Anyway, I heard that whole thing and I think garroth will forgive you for lying just as long as he finds out from you. I know he cares about you a lot and honestly, it is actually not that bad, the lying is but I get it you are embarrassed bout it but just be honest with garroth. He's the most accepting person I know and you know. So just go find him and tell him before Ivy does. I hate that girl. “ he says and then before y/n can speak he walks away. Y/n raises her shoulders slightly confused because y/n has never heard Laurence speak that much to her.

confused and guilty y/n take out her phone to call Garroth but he doesn't answer. ( his phone is probably on dnd ) so y/n has to go find him the old-fashioned way.

After searching the school for him y/n couldn't find him before the bell rang for class. Thankfully y/n had second period with him so hopefully Ivy didn't get to him first. After an agonizing hour of trying to figure out what to say to him and how. She’s got “Hey I'm a werewolf hope that's cool!” Y/n slightly banged her head on the desk for the last few minutes of class until the bell rang. Once she was out of the class she darted to the second period, garroth is usually early for classes so he would be there. But once she got there he was already in the class talking to lvy and she was showing him her phone I'm guessing the video. She watches for a second as his facial expression is very tight and annoyed. Y/n take a deep breath and walks into the class.

“ you can think how you wanna think but I had my reasons.” y/n acknowledged that it was too late and all she could say was that. He didn't turn around to her instead he kept his back to her.

“ why you would think it is okay to tell someone elses secrets like this. Its obvious this was a private conversation. “ he lectured ivy instead of y/n Both girls are super confused, he was supposed to be mad at y/n.

“ I was just looking out for a friend and -” ivy trys to explain but garroth cuts her off.

“ no you weren't you were just being selfish like you always are. Laurence told me what you said. You only showed me this because you think its going to get me to date you but ivy I will never ever been with someone like you. Your a bully and you like inflicting pain on others for your entertainment. Do you really think I like that???” He tells her off in the way

y/n was wanting him to do ever since they started dating. Ivy starts crying and runs out of the room.

“ that was kinda rough”y/n says to break that silence. But just because garroth told ivy off doesn’t mean he wasn’t upset with y/n to.

“ and you how could you lie to me especially all this time and the conversation we had this morning we literally just talked about it. You agreed with me when I said you weren’t a werewolf!” His voice changed from how he talked to ivy to more sad and looking for answers.

“ I’m sorry! I just didn’t know how to say it “ she replied.

“ oh they why didn’t you just say oh yeah I’m a werewolf. that’s a thing, yeah!” He mimicked her voice and for a moment she wanted to laugh because his impression was odd and silly sounded but she knew if she laughed he would get ten times more upset. Y/n take a deep breath and get closer to him.

“ listen I’m so sorry garroth I know I shouldn’t have lied for so long and there is no excuse as to why I did but in my mind I had reasons that made sense and what makes sense in my mind is law for me just like how your Brain works.” She explains softly in a way she hopes garroth could understand. He sighs.

“ what are the reasons?” He asks in a complete different tone from a minute ago.

“ well firstly it was embarrassing. I just got this new weird looking upgrades on my body and my ears weren’t as developed as they would have been if I wasn’t a late bloomer. But I think the biggest reason that I didn’t wanna acknowledge was that I was scared.” She whispered.

“ scared?”he asked.

“ I am scared people will treat me differently because of it. I mean do you even realize that some of your friends treat the wolfs like dogs? Aphmau throws balls and tells her friends to go get it? And I don’t understand why they play along with it. It’s offensive. I get it we like some things a dog would but we also like things humans would and that doesn’t seem to matter just as long as we like balls or frisbees” she shrugs her shoulders to finish her sentence.

“ wow y/n I never noticed that. I am so sorry and I am sorry if I’ve ever said anything offensive to the werewolf’s or made you feel like I’d treat you different because of it. I would never” she grabs her face to caress her cheek. She leans into his hand.

“ I know you wouldn’t sweet boy” she picks up her hand to run it through his hair. But they were brutally interrupted by the bell and now people started coming into the class so they had to go to there seats.

[lordirony]

Hmm, some thoughts on my behavior about my art lately... and then some

So like if you've been following me for awhile, maybe this is noticeable. Maybe not. idk. But, I haven't been sharing much of my art like outside of patreon. And it's weird because it seems not to be fear-based? Like I personally do not care if my art gets scraped or whatever like have fun with it, it's not going to help you, so ai shit is not a factor in this. I just cannot seem to Remember to share stuff. Honestly, even on Patreon a lot of the times. Like i'll post stuff (besides my comic) like a week or so late. And then who fucking knows if it'll see the light of day outside of patreon. I am Forgetting because I am not feeling the need(?) or any reason to really share???? And I -think- it's because I've been so disconnected with people and life, that I'm like forgetting that the reason why I share my art in the first place is "hey maybe some rando I will never know will like this". And like forgetting that's a possibility? Not in a "I dislike my art" but in a "people don't care about my art" way instead.

Though I could be so bold as to push that further and say I'm in a huge funk right now. A huge "people don't care about me" funk. And again, not because I think I'm a bad person or anything, it's like "I'm someone but no one cares and I just have to deal with that I guess". So I'm isolating in weird ways. Go through bouts of not talking to people or even my friends. And then have a moment where I feel like I can share Something and like ... whatever I'm hoping/expecting doesn't happen so I conclude that I need to shut up and mind my own business.

Occasionally we get to the "what's the point of anything, why am i even here (in this existence)?" but that means I'm tired and need to sleep.

I dunno, I am hoping and begging things will change once I have my own place and once I'm on fucking adhd meds lmfao. I'm so sick of this detached-from-everything state.

Also I've been hating doing any sort of venting anywhere so this is an impulse thing basically

[passionfruitmango]

Personal thinking things I wanna get out there because tumblr algo has yet again hit me

A while back I was noticing I'd see more age regression posts and was wondering if it was something I experience.

My brain insists on calling it indulging my inner child/inner child healing but like an orange and a clementine are both citrus fruits yahkno?

And today/lately I've been seeing stuff recommended about alters and systems and I was reminded and thrown back to a memory I had at age 13-15, that I know has happened at least once again after, where i found myself seemingly sitting in bed fighting with myself internally, with nothing but a notebook and pen to try to make sense of what was bouncing around in my head.

I haven't told anyone about it. I don't know what it means but part of me feels like it does and maybe it doesn't mean anything besides teenage me being edgy and misunderstood. Because as far as I know my memories are all fully cohesive, but are there different aspects and parts of me that I can see popping up and out more depending on circumstance, situation, and external stimuli? Yes.

Part of me thinks I'm still just trying to find anything to make me feel unique (but I also think that's a trauma response thought)

Anyway. I've had two instances when during a bad mental health moment in my youth I've found myself writing "I control this vessel" and it makes me wonder if I've got some of my own splits in me as an individual a traumatic history and a cocktail of mental health diagnoses and potentials. Is that the part of me that took the frontlines during times of trauma? Potentially.

Maybe this all plays into why I feel so disconnected from my government name and why I feel like the nickname form of it is for me only? There's so much going on here in me and every day im just doing my best to make sense of it. Seeing myself as one whole with many parts and aspects, however fragmented they may be from how they were learned and experienced.

Ughughugh idk I just feel so funky today, opposite action skill has kind of helped, feeling my feelings has kind of helped, but I'm still in the funk and still just doing my best so I guess I'm doing good.

[halflingkima]

Did that thing where I felt like I wasn't reading and just accumulated a whole stack of library books. But I do actually wanna read 'em so lets see how we do before I gotta send them back.

May TBR

Dark Tides by Kimberly Vale: Following the events of Crossbones, the squad of teen pirate captains deal with the fallout from the pirate games.

Having been disappointed by the first book and unsure of why this one exists I really shouldn't read it. But if I do I gotta do it soon enough after the first one that I only have to read it once. It seems like they split the party in this one which... makes no sense to me. Also kicks off with a random new guy pov which is why I haven't picked it up in earnest yet.

Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner: A professional women's soccer rivals to lovers romcom. [read ✓]

Genuinely, I checked my library holds one day and said, out loud "I don't remember ordering that" the day before it arrived. I've heard lackluster things about the author and seen absolutely no one talking about this book since its release which is not promising. However, I really love gay sports romances so god i WANT to love this one so bad.

Seek You by Kristen Radtke: a nonfiction piece in sequential art exploring the phenomenon of american loneliness through numerous social lenses.

This is kinda where my extra page shifts at work have been detrimental. Was shelving the graphic novels and saw this one simply languishing there and decided: now's the time. I wouldn't have picked this up if I wasn't feeling particularly lonely but also, i am feeling particularly lonely lately, so i worry it'll make things worse...

Killing Moon by NK Jemisin: In an egypt-inspired society, dream priests harvest the magic in civilians' sleeping hours to heal, harm, and carry out justice.

I must read this this year. The library does not have the audiobook. I'm going a little crazy because I think my eyes are rebelling. I will read this book.

Land of the Sons by Gipi: a post-apocolyptic story of survival in which two illiterate brothers obsess over their father's journaling. [read ✓]

Was feeling slumpy and grabbed this in a panic. It looks like a quick but impactful read and I have heard some good things about it. Hope it doesn't wreck me.

Rusty Brown by Chris Ware: probably the most sincere and/or pretentious attempt at a literary graphic novel to exist?? i guess?? [read ✓]

Also a slump-panic pull. I ordered it from the online catalog and was thrown to find it's funking HUGE. idk how long it'll take to read and it's p mysterious/pretentious, seeing as there's no synopsis or anything. Can't tell yet if it'll be like a neo-meta narrative or just up its own ass but some of the blurbs talk about it as a revolutionary piece of art. so lets see.

A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland: a prince takes over an investigation of local guilds to prove his loyalty to his queen

i saw someone rave about this and remembered absolutely none of what they said but was in a bit of a fantasy romance kick after reading The Hidden Paths (absolutely recommend) and snapped it up when i saw it "on shelf" but now it's just sitting there. it's so chonky. send help.

[bitchinbarzal]

i’m not having a great day tbh. i’ve been sick the last few days and i’ve been so anxious today no idea why and i’ve just been really sensitive (my period is about to start) and work has been so ugh lately i just idk i feel like im in a funk rn

-linkedin anon

Oh love 🥺 the holidays probably aren’t helping 🩷

Just take it slow! You’ll be ok!

[lokisgoodgirl]

Hi. Um, lately I've gotten into a creative funk cause I've been sick and also had gotten some criticism on Whumpuary Day 8 and Idk how to finish it. Help? Also should I do Feb's writing challenge or leave it alone?

Ohhhhhh :( I hate this for you.

I know what it feels like when criticism goes right through your heart, and on top of that you're not well? Fuck that.

Here's some advice from me to you.

Are you enjoying it? Are you writing for you? Do you want to finish it? If the answer is yes, as I suspect it is, then that's what matters.

For me, writing helps me feel myself. If I haven't written for a few days then I get antsy. Conversely, sometimes I am just not in the mood because work, family, life stuff, work and i let it mellow.

I can't tell you what to do, but I feel like it should be fun. If you're not having fun and feeling in a funk, maybe leave the Feb challenge and pick up with the next one when you're feeling more yourself. But if you are, then go for it 😊♥️

I feel like fanfic is a bit of a vaccum of people with strong opinions and writers who are by their nature more sensitive than the majority of the populace. By all accounts, a dangerous mix 🤣 it can be beautiful, but it can also be a minefield of mistaken meanings and intense insecurity. Such is the nature of the beast.

My advice is remember why you love it, and love being part of it, and try and build your experience from there. I hope you feel better soon (hugs) (>^^)>🍪

[funkymbtifiction]

hi! so i wanted some general advice, i am an ISFP and 80% sure a 4w5 if that helps, but essentially I'm in my 20's and my entire life i've always just done whatever felt right at the moment and a couple years ago i finally found out that art was my actual passion so i just went ahead and started focusing on that eventhough i knew i wouldnt make money and had no connections i just knew it was my thing and i loved it, so that was almost 3 years ago and for the first time i felt kind of healthy in the sense that i was making art all the time so i had this always incomming sensorial experience and i was able to push myself to have a schedule (work a little on my Te) and make stuff with a certain amount of time, and i felt very balanced? it was good but lately idk, its been getting harder for me to make stuff and working on my interests? Idk I guess my question is how do I get out of this funk? I just feel so lost and just standing on an empty space of nothingness that also doesnt allow me to create and i feel like i know the answer is probably you have to push yourself and create even if u kind of like ehhh about it and that will help but i'm scared? like normally i dont really care about what will happen to me career wise, i just do what i want and believe the universe will solve itself and everything will fall into place because of my will but lately i'm just terrified that my art will not get me anywhere, suddenly i have this fear that i'm waisting my time and i just want to know how to forget about that and just do what i always do but then again, should i even forget about that? is that even healthy? and if it's not, how do i find a balance? I'm sorry if this is a little long, I just needed some type of advice if it's even possible? Either way tysm for your blog and comments <3

I'm sorry. I know that this is frustrating, to reach that point where you are wondering if there's any point to doing this, because you are not being successful at it.

For what it's worth, a lot of IFPs (and EFPs) choose careers based on what they love and/or think that they should monetize their passions -- the problem is, as you point out, they lack the know-how and social skills to be self-promoting; they are often introverted loners who just want to paint or write or create things, rather than be out there actively selling them, making connections, and socializing. Most artists are sensitive, creative loners, because that's how you create things -- alone. They are not natural self-promoters. For this reason, artists need other people to sell their art, in the same way it's better for a writer to have someone else promoting their books, while they focus on writing another one. There's also the problem of, as you are currently experiencing, trying to make a living or a success at it, being discouraged when that doesn't happen (for most people, it doesn't), and then facing indecision and angst about your craft. If there's no point, why am I doing this? am I wasting my time? does anyone even care? should I be doing something else instead?

That's why most higher Te users tell creatives not to try and make a living at their art -- because the need to sell it becomes so all-encompassing, either out of a desire to succeed or a need to make an actual living -- that it taints the creative experience; it's no longer self-expression and enjoyable, it's no longer relaxing, because there's so much pressure on you to "make something of it." Some people do make a living doing what they love -- but even then there's a trade-off of trying to produce consistently, give people more of what they want, etc. Most creative types need to do what they love for themselves and in their spare time, and find a job they can tolerate that earns them enough money to be creative for fun and personal enjoyment.

I obviously can't tell you what to do, but it may be time to step back, evaluate what you love about art, and whether trying to be successful at it is going to kill your love of doing it (it sounds like it's happening now? and creating apathy?), and look at your other options. You may find that relieving the pressure of NEEDING to do this helps reawaken your love of creation just for ME. If you love art, and you want it to be part of your inner experience, your way of sharing your emotions in the world, then you don't need to make money off doing it -- you need to be doing it because you love it, and it's enjoyable. You need a job to pay the bills, and a hobby to fill you with personal satisfaction and enjoyment. Higher Te's understand this dynamic better than FPs -- I work so I can do what I love in my spare time.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

how do we get out of a funk? i’ve been lacking motivation in lots of areas of my life and it’s like im aware that i am doing this but idk how to be consistent and grow out of that if you get what i mean. for example, i know that im late to go someplace and know i should get up earlier to fix it, but i still procrastinate and end up being late the next time.

One thing which might help is taking an honest look at what it is which gets in the way of you getting shit done instead of just beating yourself up for struggling. When we fail to do something, there's usually a barrier between us and doing the thing in question which can often be climbed and removed once you exchange thinking "I should be able to do this" with actual knowledge of why something isn't happening. So you gotta quit the self hatred and the self judgment and ask yourself what's actually getting in the way!

[weelittleweasley]

It’s Complicated (c.d.)

Prompt inspired by anon request: Cedric wanted a relationship, you wanted something casual. This made for a complicated dynamic between the two of you to say the least, but Cedric was determined to make things less complicated simply and plainly.

Pairing: Cedric Diggory x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ sexual content (rough sex, male receiving oral, FILTHY TALK), language, but also fluff? Idk I tried to do it all with this one LMAOOO

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: Bro lowkey after i wrote this I was like.....yo do i wanna fuck cedric????? 

Rising from the bed quickly, you started pulling your clothes back on, preventing Cedric from pulling you back onto the bed and into his arms. You heard him groan in disappointment, “Why can’t you stay?” You laugh and shake your head, sliding your jeans on. He always wanted you to stay after one of your encounters. “For five minutes?” he tries to bargain with you.

You take a look at yourself in the mirror and wipe away the smudged eyeliner under your eyes. Without turning back to him, you speak, “As tempting as you offer is, I’m still going to go.” Cedric sighs. “Besides, I don’t think friends with benefits snuggle with each other,” you joke around as Cedric just rolls his eyes before a small smile tugs at his lips.

This friends with benefits relationship started last year between you and Cedric. The two of you had undeniably chemistry and after one night of sitting in the common room together, you had shared your first kiss which eventually developed into something more that night. The thing about this relationship was that you didn’t expect it to go on for this long. You had been sleeping with Cedric on and off for about a year which was never your intention. You thought that it would maybe last three months, but instead you found yourself knocking on his door for longer than that.

You couldn’t help it. There was something about Cedric Diggory that made you want more. He was charming, smart, and handsome. What was not to like? The only thing that stood in your way of a casual hook up with him was Cedric’s blossoming feelings for you. You made it very clear to Cedric that you didn’t want a boyfriend; you would rather be in a situation-ship rather than a relationship. In a relationship, you had the capability of being hurt. It was best for you to be on your own and sleep with whoever you wanted rather than be tied down to one person.

Cedric on the other hand was mad about you. He originally had the same intentions as you when starting this arrangement. Sex and sex only. No dates. No labels. No PDA. No nicknames. No exclusivity. Just sex. But he started having second thoughts about four months into your agreement. The thought of you flirting or sleeping with other guys made his stomach churn. The more time you spent together, Cedric realized how intelligent, kind, and passionate you were. Cedric was falling for you and he was falling quickly.

Was it still wrong to be sleeping with the boy who had feelings for you when you didn’t want a relationship? Sure. But you justified it every time. The sex was great, Cedric was a good guy, he wouldn’t be a dick and tell the school about your affairs, and at this point, it would be too late to stop. You were in the thick of it, there was no escape now. 

Cedric sits up and pulls his boxers back up. “(Y/N), you know how I feel about you,” he justifies, but you hold up a finger and stop him from going any further. You didn’t need a declaration of love right now. What you needed to do was get out of his room and go to the library and meet up with Luna for your study session. Cedric doesn’t stop though, he rises from his bed and walks towards you as you lean against his desk. When he reaches you, he places his hands on your hips, pulling you close to him. “Why not give us a shot?”

“Because we agreed that this is just a casual thing,” you retort, pushing his hands off of you gently as Cedric sighs in defeat. “No labels remember?” Cedric sadly nods and you have to look away from him or else you’ll get sad too. A relationship with Cedric wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He was a great guy and you knew he would be the perfect boyfriend. But you weren’t going to get a head of yourself. You brushed the thought aside and simply kissed his cheek. “I have to run, but I’ll catch you later. Alright?”

The boy in front of you just smiles gently, knowing that he’ll just be disappointed again when you come over and leave. His yearning to be more than just sex to you grew every day. But he didn’t tell you that. He kept seeing you rather than losing you altogether. “Yeah,” he nods as you give him a smile. 

The two of you just stared at each other for a moment, thinking of how messy this arrangement was. Cedric, hopelessly crushing on you, while you tried to convince yourself that you didn’t want a relationship. Before you register what you’re doing, you press a gentle kiss to Cedric’s lips, him immediately kissing you back with no hesitation. The kiss is gentle, sweet, and short. You don't know why you did it. You never kissed him goodbye. But today you felt like you wanted to. Almost needed to. Cedric looks like he’s about to say something, but you just speak before he can, “Alright then, bye, Cedric.”

You walk to the door, leaving quickly. “Bye,” he calls after you as you shut the door. 

As you walk down the steps of the boy’s dormitories, you can’t help but mentally beat yourself up. This friends with benefits thing was going too far; it should stop. But the thought of not being with Cedric made your stomach twist. It was good for you to set a boundary, right? 

You evade the thoughts from your mind as you enter the library, spotting Luna waiting for you at a circle table. “Sorry that I’m a little late,” you huff while sitting across from her. “I got caught up with something.” Luna looks at you and blushes before looking back at the book on the table. “Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” you touch your cheeks.

She shakes her head. “Um, no, dear,” she giggles. “You, erm, you’ve got something...right here,” she points to her own neck for reference. Your face heats up with embarrassment as you slap your neck, realizing that Cedric had given you a massive hickey. “No judgement here. Do what you have to do.” You groan and close your eyes. You hated when Cedric gave you hickeys; they always lasted forever and you got teased relentlessly on them by your friends. Luna notices your frustration and takes the light blue scarf from around her neck off and hands it to you. “Here you go.”

“You’re the best,” you thank her as you wrap the scarf around your neck. “Fucking Diggory...” you huff as Luna giggles, looking at you a little concerned. You were never this disheveled after seeing Cedric. In fact, you were always in a pleasant mood after being with Cedric. You notice Luna’s gaze and speak with a sigh, “It’s complicated...alright, enough of that, what are you working on?” ----------

The next day, you sat in the grass with a few of your friends, all chatting and munching on small snacks. It was a gorgeous spring day, the sun was shining, flowers blooming, and the smell of fresh grass danced in the air. The day was seemingly perfect.

As mild chatter was exchanged between a few classmates, you scanned your surroundings. That’s when you spotted Cedric. He sat on a bench, eyes focused on the book in his hands. You smiled to yourself as you watched the way his eyes maintained a soft focus on the words, him running one hand though his hair pushing it back. He looked other worldly in the moment, like a Grecian god. Your heart fluttered, but you prevented a blush from coming onto your cheeks by taking a deep breath in. 

However, you thoughts came to a screeching halt when Cedric’s gaze lifted from his book and landed on something, rather someone, else. His mouth moved to greet the person who sat on the bench next to him. Cho took a seat next to him as he draped an arm around her shoulders, her giggling. Your stomach became sick at the sight and jealously flooded your chest. What was he doing? The pair start talking as Cho laughs at something he whispers in her ear. Your blood is boiling at this point. 

“You alright, (Y/N)?” one of your friends asks you.

“I’m bloody brilliant,” you speak, your eyes not moving from Cedric. “One moment.”

You ignore the calls of your friends as you rise from the grass, grabbing your bag, leaving the circle. You weren’t going to do anything to Cho Chang. She did nothing wrong. In fact, you weren’t going to do anything to Cedric either. But you were going to make sure he knew that you saw what he was doing. 

Making yourself looking as unbothered as possible, you shake your head, snapping yourself out of your funk. You let yourself relax, a soft smile relaxing on your face. You walk in their general direction, not stopping to say hi to them, just passing the bench the pair was sat on. However, Cho looks up and speaks. “Oh, hi, (Y/N)!” she beams. 

Matching her energy, you speak, “Hi, Cho!” You smile at her and send her a wave. Looking at Cedric, you say nothing and continue to walk, ignoring his whole presence. As you walked away, you felt his eyes on you the whole time, a smirk playing out on your lips. “Prick,” you huff under your breath.

You walk into the castle, leaving the garden area. But that’s when you hear footsteps behind you, quickly approaching. “So you’re going to ignore me now? Is that what we’re doing?” Cedric’s voice calls after you as you smirk, knowing you’ve won. “Hello?”

Sarcastically, you turn around and pretend to just notice him. “Oh, hi, Cedric. I didn’t see you there. Anyway, I need to get going now,” you tell him. “You shouldn’t leave Cho alone. It’s rude to do that.”

Cedric laughs, “You’re joking, right?” You just shrug and turn around, walking away. “Merlin, (Y/N), you should be one to talk! You leave me alone constantly after you’ve had your way!” he exclaims. His words make passerbys oooh as your face flares up with embarrassment. “What? You’re gonna play all shy now? ‘Cause last night you were anything, but shy,” he continues as people’s interests peak.

You look around at multiple pairs of eyes on you as you grab his hand and pull him into a vacant classroom. You push Cedric in first, you shortly following, locking the door behind you. “What the fuck was that?” you yell at him, pushing his chest back, completely enraged. Even though there were a handful of people who knew about you and Cedric, you weren’t keen on the whole school knowing about it. 

“Well, now that I have your attention,” Cedric starts as you slap his arm. “What? You’re mad because I’m talking to another girl. Merlin, (Y/N), it’s not like I kissed her!” You roll your eyes. “So, it’s okay for you to talk to other guys and flirt with them, but when I do it, it’s wrong? You’re mental!”

Scoffing, you roll your eyes. You hadn’t flirt with anyone else; maybe cheeky banter with George Weasley once, but nothing that should have had him sweating. You retort, “That’s a load of rubbish, Ced, and you know it! You wanna know what else is? You tell me how much you like me and then you go ahead and do shit that says otherwise!” Cedric pulls at his hair, unable to comprehend the situation. It’s not until a tear hits your lips that you notice that you are crying. This game was driving you crazy. “Cedric, I don’t know what we’re doing!”

“No, (Y/N)! You don’t know what you want!” Cedric yells back as you stop, shocked at his accusation. “I’ve been very clear with you this whole time. I want you. I’ve wanted you for so long and it’s only you who I want. You make me happy. I want to call you mine and all mine. I don’t wanna worry about someone asking you to be theirs. I want you to be my girlfriend. But it seems like that’s something you don’t want!” he throws his hands over his head, in full surrender. Cedric is crying now too, but he angrily wipes his tears away. 

Gulping, you decide to confess to him why you’ve been so persistent on not being his girlfriend. “It’s because I don’t wanna get hurt, Cedric!” you yell, throwing your hands up. His face changes from frustration and softens into concern. “I’ve been how relationships can affect people. I’ve comforted too many friends before. Heartbreak seems too painful and I don’t need anymore pain in my life. Because I know if I lost you, it would be the greatest pain of all,” you cry out.

After you spill out your feelings to Cedric, you bury your face in your hands and sob. It isn’t long before Cedric runs over to you and holds you in his arms, you burying your face in his chest, sobbing into his robes. His one hand rubs your back and the other cradles your head rest on his chest. He lets you cry into him and doesn’t say a word. Cedric lets you cry and cry and cry into his chest for as long as you need. The only words he speaks are, “I’m not going anywhere.” His strong hands comb through your hair, relaxing you as you sniffle into his robe, calming down. He places a soft kiss to the top of your head. His embrace brings you comfort and peace, his grasp feels familiar. Like home. 

You pull away from his chest and look up at him and he takes your face in his hands, wiping away any leftover tears. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear on my family name that I will never hurt you. I am going to protect you with every cell in my body. I promise I am going to make you the happiest girl in the world if it’s the last thing I do. And if I fail to do that, then I’ll be damned. But I am going to be the best man for you,” he swears to you, looking deep into your eyes. His eyes swelled with honesty and compassion, something you had always admired about him. In his moment, you couldn’t admire him more. 

“I want to be yours,” you tell Cedric. “All yours.”

Your words make Cedric’s lips turn upward into a childish grin and he chuckles, “You mean it?” You nod as he laughs before pressing his lips firmly onto yours as you wrap your arms around him, pulling him close to you. You sighed into the kiss, relaxing your whole body. Finally. It felt so right. Standing beside Cedric, kissing him, but this time as boyfriend and girlfriend. “Say it again,” Cedric whispers against your lips before reattaching them, not wanting to stop this moment.

You smile into his kiss and mumble against his lips, “I’m all yours, Cedric Diggory.” He quietly moans into your kiss as you feel him pressing his hips into yours. “All yours,” you repeat as his hands trail down your cheeks, neck, to your chest to grab your breasts through your robes. You moan and push against his hands as you can feel him smile. 

Cedric breaks your kiss and looks at the door, making sure it was locked before drawing his wand and casting the Muffliato spell. You look at him baffled that he would want to have sex in a classroom. You thought since he was a prefect that he would want to play things safely. But your mind was quickly persuaded otherwise as both of your robes hit the floor, uniforms shortly following, Cedric pushing your blouse open so he could kiss the exposed flesh on your chest. You tangle your fingers in his hair as he leaves dark purple hickeys on your breasts, marking his territory. “I wanna hear you moan my name,” he demands, roughly ripping your bra off as you gasp, the cold air hitting your nipples. Cedric takes one of your nipples in his mouth, kissing and sucking on it before making his way to the other.

You roll your head back and let his name fall from your lips with a moan. The sound of you saying his name made Cedric moan as he sucked on your breasts, sending vibrations through you, the wetness between your legs growing. “Ced, baby,” you pant as he kisses up your neck before taking your bottom lip in between his teeth with a smirk, pulling on your lip gently.

“What, baby?” he asks, voice deep, making you weak in the knees for him. Which gives you an idea.

With a small smirk, you drop to your knees and yank down his boxer as Cedric stares at you with wide eyes. You watch as his hard dick hits his stomach before you take it in your hands, slowly pumping. Cedric sucks in a breath through gritted teeth. “You want me to suck you off, baby?” you look up at him through your eyelashes before licking up his shaft from his balls to the tip.

Cedric groans, “Bloody fucking hell, yes.” With that, you take his length into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip, letting your saliva and his precum wet his erection before you take anymore of him. Cedric thrust his hips, forcing you to take all of him as once, making you gag a little. “Fuck,” he pants as you start to suck his dick, hollowing out your cheeks, bobbing your up and down him. “I love your pretty little mouth wrapped around my cock,” he breathes out as you suck on his tip, hands massaging his balls. “Fucking shit, (Y/N),” he moans out as you take his whole length in your mouth, his dick pushing your gag reflex. “Let me come inside of you. I wanna cum inside that tight little pussy,” he pulls out of you with a pop. 

He pulls you up from your knees before grabbing a condom from his back pant’s pocket. “Naughty,” you laugh at him, surprised, but not that he’d carry around a condom with him during school. 

Cedric rolls the condom on his hard length and then pulls you close to him. “Get over here,” he smirks. Cedric grabs your thighs as you jump, wrapping your legs around his waist. He pushes you against the wall, so he can fuck you against it. “You’re mine. You got it?” he growls which only makes your need for him grow, your pulsating vagina begging for him. 

“Fuck me, Ced, please,” you dig your nails into his back, aching for him.

“Only good girls get fucked. Now say who you belong to, slut,” he demands.

His sudden change in demeanor makes your heart race. “You, Cedric, you. I belong to you. I’m all yours, baby. No one else. Just you,” you whine as he teases you, dragging his tip in between your wet folds. “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me like I’m your little slut.”

With that, Cedric pushes his whole length into you as you sigh out in pleasure. Cedric groans before starting to thrust in and out of you, not letting you adjust to his size. You wince a little bit at his size. He notices and says, “Take it like a good girl.” His words make you wetter for him as he pounds in and out of you, hips crashing down onto you. “You like that? You like the way I fuck you, baby? Who else fucks you like this?”

You dig your nails into Cedric’s back and dig your heels into his lower back, pushing him deeper inside of you. “No one else. Only you fuck me like this,” you pant with each thrust, making your breasts bounce with each thrust. 

“Good girl. That’s my baby,” he praises you, grabbing your chin, forcing your gaze onto him. “Let me hear you moan my name, baby. I love hearing it coming out of you.”

You smile, lips slightly parted as you stare into Cedric’s eyes that are dark with lust. “Cedric, fuck,” you moan out. “You fuck my pussy so good. I love feeling your hard dick inside of me.”

Cedric grabs onto your thighs tightly, leaving small bruises as he groans. “Mmm, yeah,” he moans before pressing his lips on yours, sloppily snogging you, tongue massaging yours. “I want you to come all over my dick, baby. I want you to scream my name as you come.”

Obeying his demand, you roll your head back, focusing on the feeling of his dick rocking in and out of you, your walls tightening around him. You feel his thumb roll sloppy circles onto your clit and that’s what sends you over the edge. Waves of pleasure wash over you as your mouth falls open. “Shit, Cedric, I’m gonna fucking come,” you moan out, eyes screwed shut.

“Come, baby, come all over my dick. I wanna watch you come all over me. Scream my name,” he whispers in your ear.

With a few more thrusts and sloppy circles, you curl your toes and dig your nails deeper into his skin. “Fucking hell, Cedric!” you cry out with pleasure, releasing all over his hard cock as he moans shortly after you, shuddering inside of you, telling you that he had finished. He continues to thrust in and out of you, riding out both of your highs. 

Beads of sweat fall down both of your faces as your chests rise and fall rapidly. You both catch your breaths as Cedric gently puts you down. You hold onto his biceps, needing a little help standing, your legs feeling like jelly. “Bloody hell,” Cedric pants with a light laugh. You join in his light laughter, both still in euphoria about how great the sex was. Maybe the best you’ve ever had. 

The two of you get changed back into your uniforms and robes, cleaning yourselves up after your little quickie. As you fix your hair, Cedric grabs your hips with a large smile on his face. “So, you’re my girlfriend now?” he asks as you roll your eyes.

“I guess so. You’re stuck with me now, Diggory. Happy now?” you tease him, pecking his lips gently. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the happy boy in front of you. It may have taken you a while to come to terms with it, but this was right. Cedric was right. 

Cedric squeezes your hips. “Happy is an understatement,” he confesses with a kiss to your forehead. This was so right.

[cooloddball]

Lately I have been having my doubts with cockles. Jensen hasn't commented on any of Misha's posts for over a year yet he comments on all his other friends' posts even Jared's. I don't want to lose faith but this is disappointing. The copy pasta anon are not helping the situation either. Do you think they are okay or did they break up?

Oh no.

I know how you feel though. I used to feel that way for a long time but I learned something that helped me navigate those feelings.

Cockles involves real people and it does not exist for our entertainment. They are just simply living their lives and we perceive and squee over what we see. They are not playing a role hence we have no say on what kind of content we get, when, how or where. Once, you understand that, you will never have doubt again especially if you believe or know that they are together, together.

I keep saying this and I will say it again. Social Media likes and comments don't actually mean anything. I don't always like or comment on my friends' and family posts on ig because it's either I don't actually like the post, I have nothing nice to say or I simply did see it.

That being said however, Jensen likes Misha's photos at intervals. It's like he has this pattern where he will go on a liking spree, then nothing for the next 4 posts, then liking spree again. IDK why but my man's weird like that.

The last time Jensen commented on Misha's post announcing the gish get together.

That was two months ago.

I honestly believe they are okay and thriving. Seeing that Jensen called him "babe".

And let's not forget Misha missing his pink blanky at Jensen's condo 👀

To get you out of your funk, here are a few flirty moments they gave us in 2020.

That time Misha was deep throating a rainbow and Jensen had something to say about it.

That time they were talking about date. 🦇

That time Jensen got grumpy because he missed Misha's roast chicken.

That time he was feeling himself because Misha was fangirling.

All in all they are okay. I just think that they have other things to do rather than flirting on social media.

[finelinevogue]

heyy bestie!! i’ve been feeling a little down lately & idk why, i think a big part is because i’m in a new country alone without my family so i’m feeling all of these anxieties😣😣 do u hv any tips on how to feel better or just to simply get out of this funk?? tysm xxx sorry for dumping this on u out of the blue, just need to get things off my chest💖💖 -🍠

hey! oh hun i’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way, it’s never a nice feeling. tips to get over anxiety? i always enjoy a good cuppa tea with a book, it always keeps me distracted by entering a different world. i also like star gazing, because it helps me realise how small and insignificant my problems actually are. i also enjoy listening to music whilst pinterest surfing. maybe try one of these or all of them? i hope they help you xxxxx

[immxrtalbi]

Everything has been meh lately idk why. Have zero inspiration and something on here pissed me off but I’m over it now. I reread my works and think ‘damn it’s so good but I don’t know how to finish…’ and for comfort I read my favorite stories by my favorite authors 🥺 that’s all I’ve been doing. Maybe I should focus on one thing at a time maybe? Also getting into another fandom since I’m reading some fics, maybe that’ll help. Want to get out of this funk

[sporadic-writer]

Welcome to the Neighborhood pt. 2

Note: ok so I know that not all of the boys, meaning both twins, live with the others. And I know my update schedule sucks but I go in a block and funk. Sorry guys. I just want you to read something I would read and truly enjoy. Also, I think I may make this a Haz fic bc ones about hin deserves more love and notes.

No one really reads these but I also think I'll write this for Harrison bc when Tom posted the pic of Nadia, it shattered the illusion in my head lol and it feels weird to a certain extent to write when he is most likely dating her. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for him and he doesn't know I exist, but it feels odd idk. So im pausing on Tom stuff atm lol. Harrison is single as far as publicly that ik so thats that 😅

Pairing: Harrison x Reader (most likely)

Warnings: mentions of weed, alcohol, and swearing. I enjoy all these things responsibly and ik im not the only one. As always stop reading if you dont like something.

Part 1 here initial teaser here (got around 100 notes soo 😎 check that out)

°•○•°○°•○•°○°•○•°

“Alrighty boys. That’s enough about me, tell me about yourselves. I only know this one from the big screen and that 2 of you are brothers.” You gestured to Tom as you spoke about him. “And from basic eavesdropping I gather you are all very close.” 

Tom smiled, “Actually I’m a brother to the twins, older obviously.” It was fun having a celeb lounging in your hot tub, drinking a beer with you. “But yeah I am an actor, Spider-Man as you probably know. Harrison’s an actor too!”

“Oh my god you are! I watched Catch-22 on Hulu! Comedy my ass..! I balled my eyes out several times.” He had the nerve to laugh in response. “Don’t laugh! That shit got intense quick. Then the shot where you all are swimming? Killed me. I don't know how I didn't notice you. Sorry!”

“Did you at least like it?” He smiled and asked hopefully. When you nodded yes he beamed! “Well then that’s all that matters. I will say an American accent is hard.”

You brought your beer up to your lips. “Yeah because your guys’ accent is so easy. You make fun of how different areas in America have different accents but it’s the same here!” They nodded in agreement at your words. You leaned your head back a tad and enjoyed the warm water. “Southern accents have different twangs bepending on the area, I have family that lives closer to New England, that's something all in its own. Just like here. You got London, Wales, some place called Essex and other places more north of here. It's not just the US." You reached over for your joint to finish it amongst the bubbles. "Now for real. Tell me about yourselves. Harrison you start I guess."

"Why me?"

"Shorter wikipedia page." You smirk as you re-lit your herb. The guys laughed and made 'ooh' noises to tease. "I'm kidding! Relax a touch. I just picked your name because you are right in front of me."

"Well I've known this lot since we were all kids. Tom and I went to school together and we have been stuck with each other since. I was his personal assistant for a while too." You listened as he spoke. Sweat was building up on his face from the hot tub. It added a nice shine to his, and everyone's faces. In order to avoid makeup running everywhere you sat up as you listened to him. You watched his eyes watch your movements as you took a hit and slowly exhaled. Almost like he was relaxing from watching someone relax from getting high without actually doing so. He kept going and you realized you zoned out a tad. "And then I wanted to do more than just model so I did more auditions and Catch-22 became my biggest so far."

You nodded, noting you heard and were listening. "That's cool and all but tell me like favorite song, movie, animal! Hahaha it isn't everyday famous people are in my hot tub. I'm going to savor this first encounter!" He smiled and answered your sort of questions. You offered the joint around before it finished. Tom passed, Tuwaine and Harrison took quick hits though. "But yeah that is me. Now someone else go so I don't have the spot light on me anymore." He looked at you as he said that and handed you the last bit. You winked in thanks, and to flirt lightly. (Shoot your shot right?) "Same questions to you love."

You responded your favorite song, movie, and color to him. "Yeah I like a bit of everything. But funny movies are my favorite. Obviously I like Marvel too Tom don't worry. Same goes for music but my preference ranges from new pop to older rock. I grew up on 80s alternative pop stuff." You smiled at him and he beamed in pride at the brand he represented. "Ok Sam you now."

Sam starts talking about his life and Harrison goes to grab more drinks. At this point the sun as almost finished setting and you tell the blonde how to turn the deck lights on. Soon the rows of edison bulbs flick on and a lovely mood is set. The glow isn't too bright and adds a nice light to your summer tanned skin. What you don't know is that the gentlemen appreciated the glow as well. However, they are too polite to say anything too bold after just meeting you.

If you could read minds or be sober enough to detect a certain lack of subtlety you would pick up on how the single men checked you out as you got out of the tub to get rid of the roach. Polite of course, 20 something men are going to appreciate a beautiful American girl right in front of them.

And if they could read your mind they would hear how you were taking in Tom and Harrison's jaw lines and toned muscles. How you appreciated Tuwaine's smile and height. Then add the twin's curls and freckles to the list and they'd think you were picking them like boys from a catalogue. Despite the slight oggling on your part, your eyes always wandered back to the blonde hair blue eyed boy the most. He seemed a little more laid back then Tom. Probably just because one was working more than the other, but that was just initial vibes you got. Regardless of vain appearance choices and vibe preference, all these boys were wonderful and you were just lucky enough your uncle's hot tub fit them all nicely.

Tuwaine smiled cheekily and spoke up. "Alright, we all have fresh drinks and proper buzzes. Let's make it fun and play a game. So Y/N, you went to college in the states, give us a classic drinking game and show us what you got."

"Ha! I don't know what you're looking for but I assume never have I ever is universal? You can't play kings or flip cup in a hit tub. Hold up 5 fingers, put them down if you've done said thing, drink as well."

"No fingers, just play till we are right pissed." Harry grinned and everyone else went along with it. "I will start. Never have I ever- wait this a normal game or sexy version?"

You said you didn't care and Tom said what the hell, so he continued. "Never have I ever gotten walked in on during a scandelous activity." Tom and Harrison both drank and groaned saying they have both walked in on each other at some point in life. Tuwaine continued.

"Never have I ever fooled around while someone else is in the room." There was a pause and no one drank. But then you rose your beer to your lips and they all looked at you in a manner of surprise and demand for explination.

Shrugging you said, "Old drunken hookup in school. We didn't know his roommate was in his top bunk asleep until it was too late. The mistake we made was keeping on going when we thought we heard him, because we did..."

"Wow Y/N. Learning a lot about the neighbor girl right away!"

"Shut up this game was your idea!" You laughed as you spoke in response to his teasing. "But whatever it's my turn now anyway. Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person." That got all but Harrison and you felt proud for getting them. "Alright so you are either morons or were in a rush to send that sext."

Tom defended himself saying her name was Sam and it was instant regret the second he realized.

Sam glared at him and said, "Yeah no one enjoyed that bro. I'm still shaken up about it."

"Get over yourself it was like 5 years ago! And you accidentally sent your friend Jake one, so pot, kettle, hi both black."

"It was detailed!"

You just sat there amused taking this all in. "I am so glad this happened tonight." You said more to yourself than them.

"Darling if this ends up in the tabloids we will never speak again." They were teasing with the threat. "But come on this is good let's keep going. Never have I ever done it in a car." You, Sam, and Tuwaine all drank and giggled.

The game continued on and another round of drinks were had. You learned Tuwaine had said the wrong name in bed. Also, that both Harry and Harrison have fooled around during family functions. In return they learned that you've hooked up in a college classroom and in a restaurant bathroom. That ended up getting you and your former boyfriend kicked out of the establishment. Towards the final round all were getting sleepier but still in a good mood.

"Never have I ever had sex high." Harrison challenged the group. No one drank. "Wait really? Thought I'd get you with that. Finish your beer and all." He looked at you as he spoke.

"Nope. Just never happened now that I've thought about it. Huh. You'd think right? But nope. Not that I'm opposed." You ended your statement by glancing his way while finishing your beer anyway. Harrison just watched the way your neck moved as you tilted your head back. "Ok boys this was fun but I am gettin tired."

Tom nodded. "Same here. Thank you for having us darling, it was fun!" The others spoke in agreement and you smiled at them saying they were welcomed back anytime. They offered to help clean but you grabbed the remaining bottles and told them you were good. After final goodbyes, you told them to not he strangers, you were all in your respective homes.

You went to bed pretty quick. Next door, at their place Tom, Harrison, and Sam lingered to get some water before bed. "She was really cool." Sam said while sipping water.

Harrison hummed in agreement. "Yeah I think so too. Very chill and all that."

Sam smirked and playfully said, "You just think she's fit mate." There was a pause.

"Well she is." It was Tom who said that and the others looked at him in playful shock. "What I'm not blind! She is! She's isn't some shy girl freaking out over us. She's cheeky and just seems normal about us living next to her. More Harrison's type though I'd say."

Sam laughed. "Yeah he always liked the classic American 'girl next door' type. Just a bonus she is actually American this time." They paused for Harrison to negate their statements but he just sipped his water and looked at them with a glint in his eyes. "Told you." Sam said as he took a sip. "She is better than half the models either of you bring back. Nuerons fire and she can keep a conversation. Not that all models are like that! But come on you went out with some stereotypes." Neither could disagree. Sometimes you just want to have a date with the beautiful face. Long term needs substance though, and both Tom and Harrison thought you had it all.

"We need to invite her over tomorrow, and any time she's free." Groundwork was to be established and Harrison was determined to get to know you more.

°•○•°○°•○•°○°•○•°

As always, like and reblog! I hope you like it! Also if i forget to tag someone lmk, same if you wanna be tagged or not tagged. Feedback and notes are appreciated but be nice haha I edit as best I can. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Tags: @jillanaholland @averyfosterthoughts @sarah-m-limelight-2007 @astridcommings