#been doing chores a lot nd

[faggy-mutt]

need to be a cute little malewife househusband for someone w no responsibilities but doing household chores nd being pretty all day :(

getting used for stress relief when my spouse gets home after a long workday, just a little toy for them to use nd throw about to let off steam ,,,

maybe on some days I've done an especially good job nd they reward me w kisses nd praise while they're fucking into me, slow nd deep until they cum inside. we could fall asleep together like that nd I'd wake up the next day, satisfied nd dripping w their load

</33333

NEED :(

[iamfuckingsorry]

Oh god, I have to do admin shit that I was really hoping to avoid (because I thought I didn't really need it and also it leads to more admin shit down the line) (but turns out there's some new admin shit that I /shouldn't even have to do/ but the company wants me to do because it's easier for them, and this admin shit is a prerequisite for the admin shit required by the company)

Never moving to another country again, fuck this shit

[mantas-ray]

VALENTINE’S DAY FT. JAYCE TALIS

includes! jayce’s love language + valentine’s day themes

tags. gn!reader, fluff, cheesy & cliché asf. this was supposed to be 3 love languages but jayce is filled w so much love i had to do all. obvi there will be some he’s more inclined to, but i think he does all to some capacity

a/n. i’m sorry this is late jayce nd i were trying for a baby (he’s the one getting pregnant btw) but for real school has been hell and i’ve been lacking motivation lately

GIFT GIVING

Jayce loves giving gifts, especially to those he loves. Whether it’s birthdays, anniversaries or holidays, he’s sure to get his loved ones a thoughtful present.

It’s no different on Valentine’s Day. Every year, he gets his mother and Caitlyn their favourite flowers with a handwritten note attached because Valentine’s Day is about showing appreciation to those he loves — not just romantically. He also gives Viktor a gift, maybe a collection of caffeinated teas.

He goes all out with you, though. Jayce occasionally gives you flowers, so he steps up his game. That doesn’t mean he won’t give you your favourite flowers, because he 100% will. In addition to a huge bouquet, he gifts you a little black box with something he made inside.

Jayce will be in his forge days before, creating a trinket for you. It could be a bracelet, necklace, or ring. Jayce would make you an engagement ring with your initials engraved on the inside of its band when that time comes around, but for now, he’d settle for a simple promise ring. He doesn’t often gift you things he’s created in his forge because he doesn’t want it to lose its novelty.

Though Jayce may claim getting him a gift is unnecessary, it’s a lie. He gets ecstatic when you return the favour. If you give him any jewellery, he won’t take it off. Have you seen how attached he is to the hex crystal on his leather wristband? It’s because it’s held significance to his life, and so have you.

He’d want to be buried with any jewellery you’ve gotten him — rings, bracelet, a locket with a picture of your face — he’s cherishing it. The only way to show his appreciation of the piece, and by extension, you, is to wear it every day until he can’t anymore.

ACTS OF SERVICES (no vday mention but u win some u lose some)

Living with Jayce can be monotonous, but being a Councilor or being with a Councilor is not the average experience, so the monotony is comforting.

Simple chores such as taking out the trash or cleaning up your shared home provide normalcy in his life that the role of a Councilor didn’t fulfil. Don’t get him wrong, he’s grateful for his seat on the Council, but some days Jayce would rather be stuck in his lab working out kinks in an invention or maybe preparing a meal to surprise you when you’re home from work or school instead of being in an office.

I’ve seen people headcanon Jayce as a terrible cook. It is funny, but I personally think Jayce spent a lot of time in the kitchen with his mom growing up, and food is a love language for him. He seems like a guy who eats good. (Have you seen how huge he is??)

His mother would cut apples and bring them to him when he was preoccupied with studying or research. Jayce does the same for you.

When you’re overworking yourself, hunched over your desk, one spelling error away from a mental breakdown, Jayce will knock on the door and offer you fresh fruit or a simple meal. Jayce would love to be home helping around, but he’s rarely there, so he tries to help in the little ways he can.

It’s a nonverbal reminder to take care of yourself because Jayce loves you and doesn’t want you to stress yourself out. It is hypocritical, considering he returns home late most days because he’s usually worrying about political business.

He doesn’t mind when you return the gesture, of course. There will be days he’s overworked and needs you to care for him.

QUALITY TIME & PHYSICAL TOUCH

These go hand in hand with Jayce. If he’s spending time with you, he’s touching you in some sort of way. He’s like a newborn baby — Jayce needs skin-to-skin contact. He wakes up earlier just to experience you cuddled up next to him, and he has to kiss you before work each morning. You’re not conscious half the time, but you feel his lips on your forehead.

Normally, he attempts to make any excuse to see you throughout the day to spend an extra couple of hours with you. You’re at the academy as a scholar or professor? He’s dropping by after your class to gift you a sweet treat — a kiss or, if you’re lucky, some sort of pastry — and chat you up.

His hand subconsciously itch to touch you when you’re conversing. He doesn’t know where to put them, though. Jayce contemplates resting them on your hip, but they just brush against you until you take the hint and intertwine your fingers with his.

If you work elsewhere, Jayce is taking his lunchtime to bother you during yours. He buys you lunch and asks how your day is so far, attempting to spend as much time as possible with you since you both have busy schedules.

Jayce would take you out to a fancy dinner for Valentine’s Day if you’d like, but enjoying each other’s company after another tiring day of work is what he’d prefer most.

He loves cooking and enjoys every component of dinner with you, including preparing, eating, and washing the dishes.

Music fills the room, and Jayce hums to the tune while he prepares the ingredients. You don’t even have to cook — you could be his taste tester, ensuring he’s added enough seasoning. You’re both enjoying each other’s presence, not talking much.

Jayce gets his recipes from his mom. He definitely asked her which dish would impress you the most, and he followed the written instructions on the piece of paper. When you compliment the meal, he tells his mom how much you appreciate it when he visits her later.

As boring as it seems, he loves doing the dishes with you. It’s another excuse to spend more time with you, even if it’s mundane. He washes the plates; you dry them. It’s repetitive, but he adores the close proximity, your shoulders bumping together as he passes you another plate for you to dry.

However, his favourite part of Valentine’s Day is taking a bath with you. Sure, it’s cliché, but Jayce is a lover boy. It’s not often he gets you like this, so let him have it.

Jayce can barely fit in the bathtub, his knees peeking out the warm water as he bends his knees, suds clinging to his bare skin, but he doesn’t care. It can go either way: your back pressed to Jayce’s chest, his chin resting on top of your damp hair or Jayce’s back is pressed to your chest, his head resting on the crook of your neck.

He doesn’t mind either way. Once your bare skin is sticking to his, Jayce is at peace. The added scent of fragrant candles and the gentle light they cast on your dewy skin increased the intimacy of the scenario. There’s something about cleaning each other’s body, cleansing the other of the day’s burden that sends Jayce’s heart beating erratically.

Additionally, Jayce gives you an amateur massage before bed. He’s oddly good at it. Jayce is strong, and his hands are skilled, but it’s downright orgasmic when his thumb digs into your back, working out the knots.

He expects you to repay him for his efforts. Maybe not by a massage, but you’re going to have to make it up to him somehow. I’m sure you’ll get creative.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Jayce is very vocal about his love with you. He tells you he loves you any chance he gets. Between kisses, before work, while you’re asleep — he wants you to know how much he loves you. He needs you to know you mean the world to him.

It’s not just ‘I love you’s he tells you. Jayce loves complimenting you, even when you think you look like shit. 

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he says after you’ve woken up from your well-deserved nap. You have bags under your eyes, your hair’s dishevelled, and your eyes are barely open, but Jayce truthfully thinks you’re gorgeous no matter how much you think you look a mess.

He also makes it known how proud he is of you. Again, you don’t need to do anything revolutionary; maybe you finished a book, yet Jayce lets it be known how proud he is of you.

Jayce talks about you to other people. I’m sure Caitlyn is sick of hearing how amazing you are, and his mother is elated her son found someone who loves him so dearly. It’s all she wants for her sweet boy.

[frillydolle]

Hiii!! Do ye think you could do smth where arthur reacts to us getting hurt? it can be us in a gang or wutever :3c lv ur stuff!!

tags ͡˚̣̣̣𓎟𓎟　 ur so bad at stealing　 karen defends you　 arthur is disappointed　 a.m ౨ৎ ⋆ ｡ ˚

you were with mary-beth, tilly and karen out in rhodes. the three of you decided to scout about and see if any of you could find anything or— most likely, rob folks of their goods for the good of thr gang. the camp was in a small struggling tim ever since the... interesting situation back in valentine. yes it was the three girl out in town, what could go wrong? a lot, apparently.

you and the girls were grouping up together, done your activities of whatever. you were a little behind, never really robbed people blind before since you often would rather stick in camp grounds since you knew what you were doing. yes, you were good at shooting, chores amd defending yourself but thieving? never been good at that..

“didya just rob me, miss?!” “n-no, i—”

“she didn't do nothin' wrong! shes been with us the whole time.” karen interrupted as mary-beth and tilly waited for the two of you to continue walking. soon, your neves Bevin to heighten as you could easily tell that the man didn't believe any of it. “nah, i saw her! she took my goddamn money!” before you could even defend yourself, the man took out a knife and he slashed your face!

your eyes fluttered quickly, adjusting to just seeing a sharp, clean knife come close to your face. your hand reaches to touch your cheek, feeling the red coating your fingers like an embrace which made your breath hitch just slightly. this hasn't ever happened before. you've never gotten hurt since you've never left camp without arthur. anyway, you're too focused on your injury to pay attention to karen causing a small scene with the man that hurt you.

before the situation escalated even worse, the three of you were able to escape with mary-beth's sweet talking a carriage who was kind enough to drop the three of you just close enough to camp. maybe suspicious to the man in charge but hey paid no mind.

so now, here you are. you're sitting on ur cot while mary-beth is cleaning the gnash on your face, even though you were really just preparing yourself for the slight lecture from arthur. only because you never left camp without him and hed often insist, he'd hate for something to happen to uou if he couldn't help — it wasn't your fault! you thought you did well even if you did receive a cut as a form of punishment, moments like these often have you question if the universe really did try to punish you, trying to change your outlaw ways. it never worked.

“there she is... my silly girl.” arthur says, his tone laced with kindness and a sort of condescending tone, too. hes making his way over to you, and you immediately looked away as you couldn't look at him, knowing the lecture you're about to receive. “what have i told ya 'bout leavin' without me?” and you looked away with a pout, not wanting to have thus conversation since you knew you were silly for it.

“darlin'...” he warned just slightly, he wasn't mad, he was disappointed and he wanted to know your reasoning for leaving without him for such an easy move. “not to without ya, but—” “'nd look what happened t'ya.” and u may have rolled your eyes, not at him but more at yourself for the stupid act. he just wanted to make sure nothing so horrible happened to you.

he'd hate himself if he thought he lost you. especially after what happened with him and mary, even him and eliza. “didn't mean to! thought i'd be easy.. since i wasn't alone. you ain't mad at me, right?” you say as your looking uo at him, totally not pouting at him. you didn't mean to get the cut on your face, you've just never been good at robbing people blind. “'course i ain't sweetheart. jus' had me worried when tilly told me what happened.” he says before hiding big hands cups your cheek, carefully not adding weight to the wound on ur face.

“'m comin' with ya everytime yer gonna do somethin' like that, ye hear?”

“'course, love.”

[the-s1lly-corner]

slashers x autistic!fem!reader hcs if you're comfy with that!!! (idrc about the rest but please let jason and thomas be there 🙏)

Jason and Thomas x autistic!fem!reader

grrrgrr trying to speedrun writing so i can go work on other stuff but my fingers keep either going stiff or simply not following what i want to write raaaaah!! i used to be able to write like, 5-8 posts back to back but it seems currently im limited to 2 or 3 hisshiss notes: reader is fem, a lot of this is based around the admins experiences as an afab with autism, admins experience does not reflect everyones experience, something something admin headcanons both characters are on the spectrum albeit undiagnosed and likely unaware that theyre ND cws: mentioned bullying and/or ableism

JASON

doesnt mind your needs, and hes more than welcome to accommodate you and make living here with him easier for you

need your own space so you can unwind? hes already on it, just be sure to let him know if you need anything! need something to keep excess noise out, or to perhaps play music? he might be able to find a pair of headphones somewhere! can only eat certain foods due to sensory issues? hes sure he can find a way to help you!

if you ever open up to him about your struggles prior to moving in with him, hes going to feel for you... not only because hes reeling from the idea that anyone could treat you so poorly for trying to function the way the way thats best for you.. but also because he finds himself relating heavily to you-

actually him tending to you and your needs has him realizing that he hasnt really been tending to his own.. hes mostly been doing the basic "eat sleep clean repeat" cycle before you came around... he would just power through whatever else was bothering him

you both take care of each other, and in your case you help him find what works for him and what doesnt

if you ever mention any of his interests hes going to remember everything you tell him... and if it happens to be a media hes going to light up if he ever sees a camper sporting some merch for it... definitely going to yoink that to give you later

THOMAS

does his very best to make things easier for you, even helping you change up your room to better suit your needs

he doesnt really talk, but if you have an interest you want to ramble about hes going to let you talk for as long as you want! depending on what work he needs to do that day he might let you talk as he does his chores!

doesnt know anything about neurodivergency but hes willing to let you guide him so he can understand, you... may raise some internal suspicions in him that he may not totally be neurotypical

similar to jason you may end up helping him find what he doesnt like and does like, stuff that hes been ignoring and pushing to the back of his mind for the sake of keeping things running and doing what hes told

your room becomes a quiet space for the two of you to retreat to during the day to let your walls down and relax before heading back out into the world

[storkmuffin]

mingis my bias for many reasons but onenof them is that i relate to him a lot. i think he's autistic bc we present super super similarly. i say this because i have friends that i feel that way towards (like the way he does to yunho). im super self directive and ambitious, im capable on my own. but it's very easy to get in my own head and trapped and intimidated by things, and i have friends who have given my the crucial support i needed to get to the other side. im endlessly devoted to them because of this love and care they've shown me. needing a friend like that isnt a negative thing at all!!! to me, people who see it as a negative thing probably just aren't aware of all the ways they've benefited from the support of their loved ones.

Mingi is extremely literal, too, which adds to your thesis, I think.

In the most recent voice-only Mingi Live, (25.1.24) he was apparently asked by a fan, What are you up to these days? And he answered, "I've been on a tour. It's called the European tour. See, we did the US tour last year, and this year, we've come to Europe. And it's my first time in Switzerland, which I've come to, because of the tour. So that's what I've been doing."

Dude. This is your ToqTok. That people pay to subscribe to. For you. Because you're a pop star. And he'd been on this tour for at least a week, and that was after his departure from Seoul had been covered by a Korean tabloid!

The fan must've done a FOREHEAD SMACK and said, Uhh that is not the question I asked? Because he says, "Why? What did you want to ask then?" And after reading the comment, he goes, "Oh, what have I been doing outside of the tour?" At which point I did a forehead smack. But he doesn't even get embarrassed, LOL.

I have to say, it's extremely interesting that autists of various stripes (Dr. and Self-diagnosed, on a range across the spectrum that the people who are supposed to professionally know about autism are just recently beginning to see) confess finding a reflection of themselves in a different Ateez member. We're all looking, I think, for the 'alikes' wherever we can, but especially in media, because IRL we are all so UNALIKE everyone around us. So one anon quoted people who saw their own ND likeness in Yeosang and Seonghwa, and I see it more in HongJoong, and you're seeing it in Mingi.

This is partly to do with how varied autistic people are, to begin with, but also it has to come from being deluged with information about these people (I can't really recall if I have just sat in silence and paid close attention to someone talking to people that are not me for an hour, and yet TokToqs routinely have me doing that) and yet know nothing about them. We can see what we need to see.

I like Mingi because the more I encounter his unscripted reactions to things, the more evidence I compile that Mingi doesn't have a single mean bone in his (very big) body. He wants things to be correct and proper, but he doesn't needle people or mock them. It just doesn't seem to occur to him to do this. And this makes him a really safe companion to have talking in the background as I do chores. LOL. He's my house-chore friend, now, especially because he does so many of these 'voice only' things where I don't need to watch his face.

[schrodinger-swriter]

Hello there! Would you maybe consider writing a Sir Pentious x an autistic nonbinary reader? There aren't many fics for people like me and I've been really loving Sir Pentious recently so it'd mean a lot! Thanks! <:]

Sir Pentious x Autistic!Nonbinary!Reader

Typically I don't do much with gender descriptors for my writing, as a lot of it turns out to be GN anyway... however given that Pentious is from a time before gender labels were well known and given that he likely didn't interact much with people asides from trying to climb to power.. I think I can do something with the idea albeit briefly! I may or may not have used my own experiences for this post aha, apologies!

I hope you enjoy, Anon! C:

He's a little confused on your label, but as soon as you explain it to him he's understanding! It takes him a while, but he does get your pronouns down without much issue. He also tends to correct anyone who uses the wrong ones. Though this may cause a scene due to Pentious being rather... pushy that you are treated with the respect you deserve. I've mentioned it in the period post, but he would try to get as much information as he can on the topic so he can understand it as best as he can. Whether it be from you or from doing his own research!

Speaking of research, he does the same when you open up to him about being on the spectrum. Admittedly, I can see Pentious also being ND however that's a personal headcanon.. ND but undiagnosed, and not really suspecting it. He is simply. Existing.

If you have any interests you are very passionate about, he's going to do his best to match your energy! He's going to attempt to get into it, or even ask you to experience it with him, if possible! Be it media or a hobby, he's going to try to dip his toes... tail... into it! Even if he doesn't much care for it he's going to let you ramble about it to him and he's going to give you your full attention.

Do you stim? Or have some form of self regulation that is perceived a ritual? He's not going to bat an eye! Just as long as it's not harming you or anyone else, he sees little to no reason to try to find an alternative.

Feeling burnt out? He's going to try to make things easier. Not that he wasn't already attempting that by taking care of you. Actually, in general he wants to take care of you and spoil you. Pentious has a lot of love and he hasn't had much place to put it since he's arrived in Hell. He's going to keep on top of chores, so you don't have to worry about that if you're feeling too worn out or overwhelmed. Forgot to eat? He can whip you up something! Speaking of food, he tries to master your comfort/safe foods so he can make them with no problem! If it's a pre-made snack, such as chips, he tries to keep them on hand.

[allastoredeer]

I read the new chapter of Holy Suffering as soon as it came out and I love the way u write Lucifer. For the past few days I have been reading Radio apple fanfic and I hate how lucifer is portrayed in most of them, shy , innocent with Alastor after the fight, and kinda out of character for the both of them, cause they suddenly like each other, and I don’t see it in them. They like to piss each other off, that’s the whole ship point.

Ur Lucifer is so sassy, Hits all the Good Characterization checks in my brain, he’s such a delight to read, same for Alastor. U had me going speechless most of the time Alastor spoke, cause I honestly didn’t know what he was gonna say next. Writing Alastor it’s probably hard, cause he is misterious and always hides his emotions but You totally nailed it. Right now he is probably angry at Lucifer cause he ratted him out lol

Al be like the audacity of this man after he forced him to do this.🙄

Anywhizzle I just wanted to ask, for the overload meeting, is Charlie gonna send Lucifer with Alastor? Maybe as a snake or something, to make sure is he okay. Cause she really sounded mortified that she didn’t notice that Alastor was suffering and man Al definitely didn’t like that, but it’s not like he can say no to Charlie so

A nd is there like a schedule for next updates? I am really invested in this story and I honestly can’t wait to read more of it.

Thank you ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ Hahah Lucifer's got bite to him, for sure. He doesn't come off as the shy type to me. Awkward as hell, certainly. In the throes of depression, absolutely. And he cares about Charlie's opinion of him to a fault. But when it comes to someone throwing their weight around--or, more accurately, getting involved with Charlie (cough Alastor helping Charlie with the hotel, couch Adam fighting/hurting Charlie cough) he isn't afraid of getting his hands dirty.

Alastor is hard to write ಥ_ಥ I love him so much, but sometimes, I want to cut open his head and properly study his brain because f;knslnjsbj out of all the characters, he's the hardest for me to pin down, in terms of both dialogue and actions. He has such a way of talking, and such a distinct voice (his radio filter) that it's simultaneously easy to imagine his voice, but hard to put it to dialogue. So, I really appreciate hearing that I nailed it (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) Seriously, it's so appreciated to hear.

Nah, Alastor is going to be going to that one alone :3 It's going to be set in his POV, so we'll get some insight in his thoughts on the whole thing, and how he's handling his current affliction. I'm both excited to and nervous to get into it, because writing him in someone else's POV is hard, so writing him in his OWN POV is a little intimidating, but I'm mostly excited. I have a lot of thoughts for this series, and it's gonna be fun to explore them.

As for a schedule, I used to try to keep myself to one, and I've found that I have both a love/hate relationship with it. One the one hand, keeping a writing schedule is nice because it gives me a clear view of what I want to work on and an goal date to get it done, which is very nice for my ADHD brain.

BUT, on the other hand, when I start putting that pressure on myself to get it down, and I fail to actually reach that goal, it hits me pretty hard and it can take away my motivation and joy in writing the fic. It starts to feel more like a chore than a fun hobby I can do in my downtime.

Thankfully, I am DEEP in Hazbin Hotel hyperfixation, and the amazing feedback I've gotten from my fic's is certainly fueling my motivation. So thanks to everyone leaving kudos and comments! It's seriously so helpful and I cherish ever single one of them.

If I had to give an estimate for when the next installment of the series will drop, I'd say either at the end of this week, or the beginning/middle of next week. I have an unrelated AppleRadio one-shot I want to bust out before I work on the next installment, and that one I'm going to try and post by Thursday or Friday.

To quote out favorite Radio Demon,

~Stay Tuned

[writefightandflightclub]

Santi +/x AuDHD!reader headcanons

(could be platonic or romantic - but written as not co-habiting)

Author’s note: maybe this is too niche, idk, but sometimes I like to think about the blorbos and how they’d interact with an AuDHD reader (because that’s me, so for obvious reasons). I headcanon that Santi is particularly compatible with a neurodivergent reader, maybe because I’m being self-indulgent… but also because why on earth would he not be? So here are a few poorly written / cobbled together thoughts which have been rattling around in my brain.

PLEASE NOTE: These are written in as general a way as I could manage (which may make it slightly less fulfilling, sorry, as it’s therefore lost specificity) but please note: since everyone who is AuDHD is so completely and vastly different, I couldn’t possibly have made this “fit” everyone’s experiences. Sorry if there are things you don’t relate to, but I tried to include a few more common experiences in there so hopefully there’s at least something.

Also! If you have any hcs of your own (for any Oscar/Pedro characters) PLEASE share them because I want more ND!reader content out there! 😀🧡 (Will also consider ND!reader requests if you have them, provided I think I can do it justice!)

Warnings: brief mention of panic attacks / anxiety (Santi). Geared towards ways that Santi helps reader out - that’s where my head was at, so it is what it is. Broadly neuro-affirming, I’m not putting anyone down for any traits ofc, even if they do cause challenges sometimes! Hope that makes sense!

Santi is so organised and tidy. He can make a plan and execute it with great attention to detail (have you seen that storage locker?!). If you struggle to stay organised and keep the house tidy etc., Santiago will have no issue helping you out, whether it’s coming up with a routine, creating a system, or simply doing a quick blitz anytime he’s over at your house. He finds it sorta therapeutic anyway, and you never feel like he’s doing it because he judges you or the condition of your place. It’s just wired into him to find order. Hell, sometimes if you lose something around the place you call him to see if HE can remember where he last saw it, and usually he can. That military routine never really left him, even all those years later, so he’s a great constant for modelling structure!

Santi will FaceTime you to body-double whatever chores you want to complete. For example; you have a Wednesday evening tradition to call each other while you each fold the laundry, or do whatever else you need to get done. You do get things done, and he makes you laugh the whole time too. He sticks to this routine as much as he can, no matter what else he has going on, or which country he is in. He loves this quality time with you, and to him it’s just a bonus that it helps you out.

Running late to meet him? He’s learned to bring a book and a flask of coffee along. He’ll wait, you’re worth it.

Sensitive to noise? Santi can’t relate fully, but he knows what it’s like for some sounds to instil negative effects. (See how this veteran is feeling around the fireworks at 4th July and you’ll get it.) He will respect your need for quiet when you need it. Besides, he’s slowed down a lot since his younger years and more and more enjoys the little things like curling up and reading a book. That said, if you want some stimulation and fancy hitting a dive bar with blasting music, or wanna dance in the kitchen, he can also be convinced. He has the range to accommodate all of your sensory preferences, your routines and your impulsive ideas, and he’ll gladly follow your flow.

He’s a magician at regulating you. This man is observant and can read people like nobody’s business, so he knows when you’re getting overstimulated or overwhelmed - often before anyone else does. When he sees it happen he’s happy to help you calm your nervous system however you need. Whether that’s a soft / firm hug, distracting you by talking to you in his soothing voice, working-out with you, letting you fidget with him - his hands, bracelets, whatever - or borrowing a texture of his, like playing with his soft curls.

Better believe this guy sends you texts throughout the day to check that you’ve eaten / drank water.

If you’re running late to an appointment and he’s free he will 100% drive you.

He loves to cook and always “accidentally” makes extra, so that you always have a stock of tasty “emergency” meals in your freezer for days when you don’t have the energy / functioning to cook.

Don’t wanna make the phone call? Santi will do it for you. Besides, he can charm the socks off of anyone so it’s probably best he deals with it anyway.

Santi is charming but he also has the ability to be straight down the line in his communication, especially with you as he trusts you so much. That means you rarely have to guess what he’s thinking or feeling about any particular thing. He lays it out for you and that’s super helpful. Of course, he can be closed off about his more complex, deeper emotions, but that’s something you seem to bring out of him - at least, in ways that no-one else has managed. You’ve had plenty of deep heart-to-hearts with the man and you know you can count on each other in a pinch, whether you need comfort or to vent about something you have going on.

Santi experiences panic attacks and anxiety and can relate to some of the ways you also struggle. He gets that people’s brains work in different ways and he’s far from judgemental about that. You’ve never once made him feel lesser when he’s been struggling and he will NEVER do that to you either.

Your sense of humour cracks him up no end.

He loves that you can be “blunt” / direct / a little “too honest”. He always knows where he stands with you, and for someone as (secretly) insecure as Santi that’s no small thing.

If you indicate you are burnt-out… he BELIEVES you. No questions asked - except for what you need, of course.

Forgotten something? Santi has started carrying spares. This man is nothing if not prepared, and now that simply extends to you. Whatever day-to-day items you carry (or often lose) he makes a mental note of the item and brand and buys multiple - for his place, his truck, wherever.

This man has social skills galore, so you can lean on him at parties, or in whatever situation if you’re feeling uncomfy or want a “way in” to a conversation. You can even leave him to do all the talking if you like, though of course he will enable you to have the floor if he can see that you want it. On the flip side, if you talk a lot, he is absolutely listening and rapt with whatever you are coming out with.

Don’t always look him in the eye? That’s okay. The man is so beautiful he’s used to people not being able to stare directly at him 😝 Besides, he finds you and your mannerisms completely charming.

He’s deadly, sure, but overall he’s actually quite a calm and not hugely reactive person - especially in a crisis. That can be so helpful in balancing you out on some occasions where you may react in a heightened way, or be emotional or worried / catastrophising about something. Despite his ability to skip town at the drop of a hat - before deciding to stick around - he does have the ability to be pretty steady and stable and sometimes that’s what you need.

He appreciates you and everything you do for him. He helps you out sometimes but you never feel “in his debt”. He is endlessly praising all of your amazing strengths and attributes (amidst some fond teasing ofc) and appreciates all that you are as well as all you do for him, and he couldn’t ask for a better person to have in his corner.

[wulfums]

Based on the last post, it of Course isnt just Whatwulf helping Allan. Whatwulf struggles with constantly fearing things and others and being worried.

He can always ask Allan if he's mad at him. Allan makes a point to never be annoyed no matter how many times Whatwulf asks. He knows that WW feeling like this isnt really based on like...anything. He feels like this all the time with Everyone. But Allan has noticed Whatwulf has been asking a lot less lately. He notices small things like that and it makes him smile when he does. Little things like that let him know Whatwulf is doing better and feeling good.

Allan does genuinely get annoyed with Whatwulf's memory issues occasionally, and early on in the relationship has said some rude things (and even Now, if he's having a really bad day, and Whatwulf forgot somth important, he might get snippy. But he tries not to.). But he always reminds himself that Whatwulf isnt doing this because hes lazy. Hes not doing it because he doesnt care. This is just how his brain works. Its one of the things WW is most insecure about so when Allan does get annoyed about it, it hurts Whatwulf a lot. I feel like Allan realizes and apologizes right away, and they talk about it later. And he really means it. He makes sure his apologies mean something. Sometimes if its too hard to say, he will leave Whatwulf a little note (With Whatwulfs fav candy taped to it.) apologizing. It means a lot and reassures Whatwulf that Allan wasnt mad at him, and WW didnt do anything wrong.

Allan helps Whatwulf with some things relating to this. He's in charge of refilling Whatwulf's medications. He goes to the same pharmacy for himself, so taking this one thing off of Whatwulf's plate will help him focus on remembering other things. He reminds Whatwulf to write down money things in a ledger to keep track of budget. He encourages him to leave post it notes around. They have a whiteboard in the apartment so Whatwulf can remember what chores hes done today or whose turn it is to do something.

They do have fights sometimes and arguments. Everyone does. Sometimes it is one of them being insensitive or snippy abt the other's ND issues. I think the first couple of times it was rough because Whatwulf convinces himself "Well, guess its all over. I fucked this up." and Allan is the kind of person to hold onto a grudge and bring it up at random during arguments.

So Whatwulf brought Allan into one of his therapy sessions to talk about this specifically. It was just one session, since this was a therapist not a relationship counseler.

So they just always remember....they can always talk these things out. And the more they do it, the easier it gets. Now, they're able to both stop themselves before snapping. Whatwulf will use his DBT skills and Allan will do some grounding excersizes before they continue doing the stressful thing.

One of the biggest things is that Whatwulf never has to assume Allan isnt being honest. He is. Always. Hes just like that. He feels relaxed around him for that reason. Both of them say what they mean and its so freeing. They dont have to follow NT Society Rules around each other. Theyve established their own "house rules" that absolutely work perfect for them.

One of the biggest moments for them was related to Whatwulf's PTSD. Sometimes, Whatwulf struggles with showers due to PTSD. The water just...feels like hands (I Will Not Elaborate, IYKYK) and it makes it hard. Allan offers to stand guard at the bathroom door until Whatwulf is done. They were also waiting for pizza. While Whatwulf was in the shower, he heard the doorbell ring. He wasn't done yet and took a bit more time. He expected Allan to have gone to grab the pizza- he hates when it gets cold. But no, Allan was right there. Exactly where he said he would be. Guarding Whatwulf. That was a very emotional pizza night.

[devildom-moss]

hiii! i just saw your requests are open and imagine my excitement!! bcs aaa i rlly really love your writings💕💕theyre such a treat to read, the shenanigans and character interactions are so captivatingly written that i am: Smitten

could i req: a short platonic fic where luke teaches you (gn!mc), a chronic instant noodles eater++kitchen-illiterate person, how to cook?

i think it wud be a funny sight for the rest of purgatory hall getting to see this lil angel easily navigate a stove/handles a knife while the actual adult is struggling not to mix sugar nd salt (also ik he mostly bakes but im of the mind that canon was meant to be ignored HAHA and besides theres not enough fics of luke gettin to be mc's guardian angel)

please tag me @diodellet too, thank you (not to rush u or anyth, by all means take your time to work your magic, writing words gets hard smtimes) 💕💕💕i hope you have a wonderful day and remember to hydrate!!

Thank you so much! That’s so sweet! I hope you’ll like it. I'm sorry that it got a little (or a lot) longer than I intended, but it was a really cute idea. @diodellet

Luke teaching a kitchen-illiterate gn!MC to cook

“You know, MC,” Simeon mused, handing you a sandwich, “I’d like to try your home cooking someday.”

The members of Purgatory Hall had invited you to a picnic – Simeon and Luke prepared all the food. Solomon offered to help them, but Simeon insisted that since it was Luke’s idea to have a picnic that day, Luke should be responsible for the cooking. However, as Luke’s guardian, Simeon had to be there to help. Usually, Luke would have protested being treated like a child, but if it got Solomon out of the kitchen, he’d tolerate it.

“Yeah, good luck with that,” Solomon laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Raphael asked.

“MC doesn’t cook,” Solomon informed everyone on your behalf.

“What?” Luke was shocked. “Why not? What do you do when it’s your day to cook? I thought you and those demons split the chores up.”

“I usually just order out or get some of those pre-made meals. Honestly, we eat a lot of instant food when I’m on cooking duty. I can’t really do much without ruining the food.”

“You’re joking, right?” Simeon chuckled, but when you failed to laugh along, his face stiffened up. “Right?”

“Nope, they’re completely lost in the kitchen. Asmo told me that he tried to teach them how to make an omelet and everything inside was undercooked and cut into huge, uneven chunks. They even burned the eggs,” Solomon told on you.

“Oh, you’re one to insult someone’s cooking.” You narrowed your eyes at him before turning back to the bewildered angels. “But he’s right. I’m pretty incompetent in the kitchen. No one ever really taught me, and they’re not usually patient enough for me to learn.”

“That’s unacceptable, MC!” Luke shouted. “You need to be able to cook. What if you get sick from poor nutrition? Besides, cooking is fun. I’ll teach you.”

“Luke, you don’t have to do that. That sounds like it will be a lot of trouble for you.” You declined his offer, worried that he was simply pitying you.

“Nonsense! I insist! If you don’t learn, I’ll always be worried about you eating right or getting hurt in the kitchen. Just come for one lesson. If you hate it, we’ll figure something else out. Please?”

“Okay,” you admitted defeat. “Thank you, Luke.”

“Good.” Luke grinned. “Come to Purgatory Hall tomorrow afternoon.”

Simeon greeted you at the door that afternoon, a bright smile on his face. ���I’m so glad you’re here. Luke has been up since early morning getting ready for your arrival.”

“Simeon!” Luke shouted at him, flushed with embarrassment. “It wasn’t that early. Come in, MC. Raphael made you an apron last night, so he’s still asleep.”

You put on the well-made and rather adorable apron and followed Luke to the kitchen. Jars of spices and nearly a dozen fruits and vegetables were set out on the counter. Luke went through the trouble of picking out produce that he had seen you eat before and ones that weren’t especially difficult to prepare or handle.

“Uhm, so,” you drew out the “o” sound while you scrambled to figure out what he had planned, but you were at a loss. “What are we making today?”

“Take a guess.”

“Salad?” you responded, uncertain of your guess.

“No – but that would have been a good beginner meal, too. We’re making soup – well, actually, curry.” Luke beamed at you, quite proud of his choice. “Curry is highly customizable. We can make it mild or spicy to suit your tastes, we can make it vegan or vegetarian, and you can change up the ingredients with the seasons. And there’s nothing more comforting and loving than making soup for yourself and those you care about.”

“Is curry a soup?” you questioned him.

“Well, let’s not get into that.” Simeon laughed awkwardly. He turned to Luke and pat him on the head gently. “I’m leaving MC in your hands, Luke. Be a good little teacher and call me over if you need help with anything.”

“Simeon! I’ve got this,” Luke whined and began pushing Simeon out of the kitchen from behind. Simeon waved goodbye to you during his forceful expulsion.

You put your hand to your mouth to prevent yourself from laughing or cracking a smile at how cute they were. When Luke returned guardian-less he symbolically dusted his hands off and instructed, “okay, we both need to wash our hands before we start cooking. Then we’ll wash all the produce you want to use.”

“Yessir,” you saluted him in jest before following orders. With clean hands, you perused the options.

Among other ingredients, there were two varieties of Devildom mushrooms, peppers, potatoes, revelation tomatoes, ghost pumpkin, and putrid pineapple. Your eyes landed on a deep red stalk. You picked it up. “What’s this one, Luke, some kind of Devildom celery?”

Luke blinked at you in amazement. “That’s rhubarb. It’s a human world vegetable. Solomon decided to grow some.”

“O-oh,” you set it down, embarrassed and half-expecting Luke to laugh.

“That’s okay. It does fit in with Devildom fruit and vegetables, doesn’t it?” Luke smiled at you innocently.

“I guess so. How many fruits and vegetables should I pick?”

“A couple. Add what you think will taste good. I’ll let you know if you make any awful choices, but I trust you.”

Something about his confidence in the face of your absolute lack of skill was comforting – like it was unlikely that you would fail, and if you might, he’d guide you away from a Solomon-level disaster. You grabbed the ghost pumpkin, chickpeas, red peppers, and a Devildom variety of chili pepper. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah, that will be great.”

“Is there anything you want to add, Luke?”

“Let’s add some revelation tomatoes! Barbatos brought these over just yesterday and they look amazing. We should add garlic and shallots or onions, too. Those are usually a given in curry, though.”

“I’m learning already,” you smiled through your words.

Luke watched over you diligently. After showing you the proper technique, he kept an eye out as you minced the garlic and shallots. He even corrected your hand position before he let you cut anything, ensuring that your fingers were curled or at least out of the way. It was adorable to hear him call the curled hand position the “cat paw.” In its own way, it was also pretty cute to watch a little angel holding a big knife. When you finished cutting up your half of the roasted pumpkin a good minute after Luke had finished his, it looked disappointing. Although, to be fair, Simeon and Solomon popping their head out from the hall to get a peak into the kitchen was a bit distracting.

“It’s kind of a mess compared to yours,” you noted, sheepishly.

“That’s okay.” Luke grinned and scooped your pumpkin pieces into the bowl with his. “They’re all about the same size, and there’s no seeds on them. They’ll cook up fine, and once they’re in the curry, no one will notice if they weren’t cut up that nicely as long as the food tastes good.”

You were taken aback by his optimism and sweetness – and so was whoever took a sharp inhale from the living room.

You and Luke were halfway through cutting the peppers and the aromatics were already in the pot along with a roux – adjusted to your spice level – when Solomon entered the kitchen. “Mind if I help you out in here?”

“Oh, no thank you.” You shook your head and added the coconut milk into the pot as Luke had instructed. “Luke’s doing a great job teaching me.”

“I’m a great cook,” he lied, mostly to himself, “I’m sure I could teach you a thing or two.”

“They said ‘no,’ Solomon. We can do this ourselves.”

“Come on,” Solomon tried to persuade you both.

“I’m bonding with Luke, so no.”

That was enough to shut Solomon up. He couldn’t bring himself to come between yours and Luke’s bonding time. “Can we at least come in and watch?”

“’We?’” you questioned him.

“It’s so boring trying to watch from the living room. Simeon couldn’t see well when you accidentally turned on the back burner and wondered why the pot hadn’t heated up after 5 minutes. It was really funny.”

“Your stove is different than the one at the House of Lamentation, you rude old wizard.”

“Come on, it was also really cute, MC.”

“As cute as one of your wizard staffs giving you a prostate exam?” You narrowed your eyes at him. Luke decided to tune out your fighting as he dumped the vegetables and chickpeas into the water.

“Maybe, but that’s a bit kinky to mention in front of Luke.” Solomon laughed and turned away. “Anyway, I’m going to get the others.”

“It was an insult you dirty old–” you started, but it was too late; he was already down the hall – and you didn’t actually have an insult on hand. Luke sighed and shook his head at you two. It wasn’t like he was above bickering, but no one should argue in a kitchen.

“While we have a minute, the last thing we need to cut up is the revelation tomato. We need to give it a secret, something good. I think we should both tell it a secret, what do you think, MC?”

“Okay. I’ll go first.” You looked at Luke’s adorable face as you took the tomato and made your choice. “Dear tomato, Luke is a really good teacher, and I’m glad he offered to teach me because I’m pretty useless in the kitchen. It’s usually embarrassing and pretty scary, but not when Luke is here to help. I’m really proud of him. And I know we’re not done with the dish yet, but I’m proud of myself, too – at least a bit.”

You handed the tomato to Luke. Sure, it wasn’t the juiciest of secrets, but you were happy with it. It felt right – like how the vegetables you picked out felt right or how the spices you added felt right. Luke stepped into the corner to whisper his secret to the tomato.

Luke had just finished telling the tomato his secret when Simeon, Raphael, and Solomon piled into the kitchen.

“So, how’s it going?” Simeon asked sweetly.

“MC’s doing a great job,” Luke bragged on your behalf while you focused on dicing the tomato. Whatever secret Luke had shared, the combination of both of your secrets had combined to make a perfectly juicy tomato that was fragrant and slightly sweet.

“Smells good,” Raphael commented.

“Thank you, Raph. And thank you for the apron. It’s cute.”

“No problem. I’m glad you didn’t cut any fingers off or get any blood on it.” Everyone ignored his grim comment. “You should take it home with you for when you cook for the brothers. I can always make you an apron specifically for here.”

“We could have matching aprons, MC!” Luke almost jumped with joy before restraining himself. He added, timidly, “Of course, that’s only if you want to have more cooking lessons.”

“I’d love to, Luke.”

You added the tomatoes into the pot, gave it a stir, turned the heat down, and added the lid on to allow the curry to simmer. Luke clapped his hands together and said, “Excellent. Lunch will be ready soon. I prepared some rice to go along with it.”

“When did you have time to do that?” you asked, stunned by what seemed to be the sudden appearance of a rice cooker on one of the counters. How had you not heard that going?

“While you were chopping vegetables.”

“Well, I’ll go set the table.” Simeon was reluctant to leave the precious sight of you and Luke in the kitchen. He never imagined you’d be so lost, nor did he imagine that Luke would make such an excellent teacher. Still, at least he would have the opportunity to see his favorite angel sorry Raphael and favorite human not sorry Solomon cooking together again.

“I’ll get some Demonus and some juice for Luke.” Raphael took his leave.

With every bowl filled, you stared around the table nervously. Who should take the first bite? What if it was awful? Confident, Luke dug in. You watched him carefully.

“This is good – if I do say so myself. You did a great job, MC.”

“It’s delicious,” Simeon added with a grin.

“Asmo would never believe that you made this,” Solomon offered his backhanded compliment. “I’m going to take a picture and share it on Devilgram. I should caption it ‘Thank you Luke and MC for making lunch.’”

“Good job, you two.” Raphael nodded.

“I couldn’t have done this without Luke.” All the praise was starting to get embarrassing, so you turned to Luke. “Thank you so much for teaching me.”

Luke was grinning from ear to ear. He could ace all his exams and he still wouldn’t feel prouder than he was now.

Bonus:

Luke’s secret:

“I’m so happy that I can finally help MC with something. They’re always helping me out, and I don’t get to repay the favor very often. I’m worried about them being alone, but if they can cook, that’s one less thing I have to worry about. I hope I can keep teaching them, and they’ll think of me as someone they can rely on.”

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to finally get to another request. I've been kind of out of it, and instead of committing to one request and finishing it, I started like 4 at once. I'll try to get on with the others soon, though.

[wywaskblog]

Hello, everyone! What do your guy’s days consist of doing?

The droopy-rayed sun waved, the action small. "I spend a lotta my time outdoors. Keep my hands busy, 'nd all that. Can't be too worried when you're pulling out weeds and walkin 'round, sketching plants." Sungrass paused for a few moments, the petals shifting a little as he thought it over. "And then there's all the selling things at the market when I can. Don't tend to be inside much, to Apricot's chagrin."

Sungrass' smile became more nervous, or regretful that he hadn't been around the eclipse more, despite her several invitations for them to spend time together.

"Heya, hon." Apricot had stopped cleaning the counter at the question. She easily folded the rag that she had been using and set it aside, while the apricot turnovers she had baked sat on a sheet pan. "I don't gotta go to the bakery no more—couldn't anyway if I wanted to. So I bake a lot more here now, get more time to try different recipes. Sungrass grabs me recipe books when he's out." He hummed for a few moments. "Though, sometimes I'm makin' soap, candles, 'nd other things. Like makin' stuff that," they muttered, the words coming out softer.

The red moon hadn't been expected to be addressed, and he stiffened. "...hello," he muttered. His voice was raspy, and he pulled on the coat he wore. "What I do..." He mused for a bit, before continuing, "I crochet. And knit. Daydream has been teaching me to sew. I like the... softness." He twitched.

"And I help where I can." Bloodmoon turned away as he pulled his hood down. He said nothing else.

Daydream looked up from the laundry she had been folding. "Hello," she greeted. His hands continued to fold the laundry as he spoke. "My day consists of doing various household chores, and I help where I can. When I am not doing that, I learn other practical skills alongside Apricot."

Despite her words, she was more tightlipped about what she did.

Sundowner was nearly the same, the sun's hands clasped together. He did not bother with a greeting. "I collect items. When I go with..." his voice trailed off, but his face seemed to harden. "Sungrass." His expression eased, but the coldness that seeped into his voice lingered unpleasantly. "Otherwise. I play piano." The pronged sun was stiff, unwilling to say more.

[kayin-junn]

I'm sooo beyond exhausted and frustrated and sad

I blew my vocal.chords out screaming I fuckin nicked a deer in the dark hours of yesterday morning after bojangles git my order wrong ND I'd already wanted Luke 20 minutes cause they just opened while also having to go to the bathroom super bad and I had 2 dogs in the car with me that were getting antsy then I got to sleep for like 40 mins after eating then a lots of chores with lil rest or sitting brtween. then planning to drive 12 plus hours the between back and forth to see houses the next day a.k.a. today mind you I was running on like an hour and a half of sleep

I've been sleep deprived since last week and kris keeps having working opens andncloses (they close at 10 or midnigh and clopens they gotta be up at like 4 get done w my day til like 11pm on avg as I'm taking care of my mom and dogs and barely myself

I don't get to eat much and struggle to do so when i can cause of the adderall which means I've just been mostly running adderall and get super hungry in bed while trying to sleep or the adderall just keeps me up cause my docs has yet to send in the script for the stuff that's supposed to make me sleep and like actually hit rem sleep cause ofc when I do sleep my sleep issues make it so I never get fully rested

And on top of that while ot no longer functioned as a cell phone it had all my tasks and alrms and accs and stuff id just set funally got done setting up the other day. slipped under the couch and as I lifted the couch to grab it as 5he pop socket made it impossible to retrieve otherwise my grip and slipped it fell and cracked the screen so noowwww I can't use it hahahaahahahahshruehdbs9fhe8dve8cy28sy2872ywyydyw6ysghac:-^×*×&×;^÷;÷^&×$;×;;÷,2_#*

[iloveyou-writers]

Many things—this is the vent anon from earlier—in the last week ish, my parental has threatened to kick me out, but just to my other families, who I hate. Got mad and yelled at me for not doing something how they like it, not sitting how they like it, on a wooden seat; smacked me on the shoulder for throwing a small paperback book, by accident at a door; for me not saying anything as they drone and rant on at me, practically/implying I’m dumb/stupid since I’ve got nothing to say back, implying that I’m special for not being able to talk.

And on top of that they have also threatened to take my room, because I’m not keeping one specific place clean, as I am literally cleaning and organizing my room, which I literally had to ducking cry for. Not in the prissy way, I literally had told them multiple times, even on my BIRTHDAY that I wanted it. Just yeah.

and then my sibling who is literally a fraction of my age is starting to act more and more like my parental, which is fucking ridiculous. And even the sibling doesn’t even listen to me. Has never listened to me. Hates it when I question things, yells at me for it, hates me for trying to get them to bed on time. (Which has never ever ever happened, and nobody enforces it wellish but me) and I don’t have that authority because I am not their fucking parent. Obviously. But I have changed enough goddam diapers to be.

and and I have not had a single friend in 7 years, so I’ve got no one to talk with because my family is like some mine field and or like the game of thrones people because they all fucking gossip and rag on each other!

and that same parental has taken money from me for shit they didn’t need, that I was gonna use to get myself something nice, which I never do.

and now again they are taking even more money that I won to pay for reasonable things this time, bills etc, but still does not treat me reasonably, or take a reasonable amount of household chores. And always demands I do things. Doesn’t ever ask, just demands. And I brought this up. They selectively heard.

If I wanted to be ordered around and traumatized, I’d have fucking joined the stupid ass military.

OH and let’s not forget, they fucking threatened me with fucking therapy at the crappy ass hospital for the umpteenth time!

And I know I fucking need therapy but it sure as hell won’t be there. And they sure as hell need therapy too! Fucking probably subconsciously isolating myself+immediately family. Never moving on. probably some sort of codependent. Sure as hell fucking Parentified me as a child.

TW fire? I have literally seen my childhood home go up in flames! From next door with strangers. and I fucking saw the goddamn gurney rolling away with my only supports covered body on it. I have literally been questioned that day next day smh by cops.

I know I fucking need therapy but I have and will have literally no boundaries respected here and the only reason I stay is because of the mean sibling.

doesn’t help that I’m wondering if I am nd or just traumatized, and I want diff pronouns because I hate that the main three all have ‘he’, but my family is shit and old. And yeah. Not helpful that I am probably demi aro/ace+bi, but I don’t know because I am socially inept and a recluse to strangers. Oh! And they have us fucking pray before dinner and I want no fucking part of that nonsense shoved down my throat

don’t even get me started on the historical/generational trauma either

My life is shit, and what I love I get criticized for.

yeah that went pretty long. Whoops.

I literally did one impromptu therapy session and that was good. Wish I could go again and get another hug. probably need a lot of dpt too. I like my soul getting crushed into this vessel. Almost makes me feel loved. Unconditionally.

and I also want a pet. But no money+Sibling being scared of dogs for no apparent reason+no pet rule=no pet.

And the stupid I carried you so blah blah blah jokes.

I hate them. I didn’t choose to be alive to be born. She did. I fucking hate those jokes.

and when she says ‘we’ and means that I have to do whatever she fucking said that ‘we’ we’re gonna do.

oh and the phrase ‘I hope…’ fucking hates me too. Hope fucking hates me. Every time I’ve hoped. It’s been the end of the literal goddamn world, or some other kind of dumpster fire.

yay 😠😩🤕😞😞

I-

That's a lot. Sounds like your mother needs to learn about boundaries. Yes, our parents gave us live and raised us, but that doesn't mean that we don't deserve respect and love from them. And it doesn't sound like you're respected.

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I'm glad I can give you a place to vent but that's simply not enough, not with all of that going on.

The fact that she's taking money from you alone is..... wow.

And it sounds like you're an adult? I hope you find a way to get away from all of that.

Here's a gif of me with my chinchilla; I hope it at least somewhat cheers you up:

Hang in there. Things will get better some day.

[2-m0use]

Yapping about my mental health, idk if it makes any sense bc I jump around a lot

I've been so depressed lately. Like, not sad really, but no motivation to do anything. Everything feels pointless.

My mom keeps telling everyone how I stay in bed until mid afternoon (first of all, why are we telling people this?) But the way I see it is like. I'd be doing the same things sitting on the couch downstairs.

Sure I could clean or something, but I just have no drive to do anything. I don't feel like watching a show I've been wanting to catch up on, I barely want to draw, basic self care is becoming such a chore again.

I don't really hide any of these things but no one seems to notice. How often are you going to say out loud that I stay in bed all day before you start recognizing the symptoms?

And it doesn't even upset me, it just amuses me. My mom was a psych major in college. She's constantly doing light research in her spare time about neurodivergence and small ways to help (my whole family is ND and undiagnosed, so she just likes to treat symptoms) but she can't seem to realize when I don't meet socially expected levels of productivity, that I'm not just choosing to be lazy, I'm having a hard time.

I do like that people aren't on my back about getting better or whatever, and I do hide certain things, but come on, how does no one pick up on some of this stuff?

Also, you can recognize that I'm sleeping in and therefore not eating, but you never once thought that maybe it was on purpose?

I've been feeling so numb lately, like I'm not super sad, but I'm not finding joy in things like I usually do, when I am happy, it's very mild. I've been desensitized to the political state of affairs so even my anger has been mild. Back on the topic of my mom telling other people personal stuff about me, it would usually embarrass me, but I don't really feel anything about it.

I just feel like every day I'm waiting for the next. Like I'm just going through three motions but I'm barely even doing that. Not having work for a few days in a row, I just kind of sit around.

And idk if it's a depressive disorder, bc even though I have depressive episodes semi regularly, they don't really last longer than a week usually. It could be part of my menstrual cycle, but it doesn't happen every month. It happens a lot, but not every single month. Roughly half, I'd say. More in the colder months than the warmer ones.

Idk I just feel like nothing I do gets me anywhere, and it doesn't matter that it doesn't. This is just life right now, and life is just dull right now. And physically I'm not consistently well or unwell, my body feels different every day. Both my joint pain, and my immune system. I feel like I'm on the verge of a cold one day, and then I'm fine the next. I'm in a lot of pain one day and then nearly down to my baseline after.

I'm just dredging along, waiting for something interesting to happen..

[cheswirls]

oh the woes of having multiple hobbies....

i think it being artfight month is making me sink back into the 'i shouldn't want to do anythin but draw until this is done' mood i usually have during the semester which is.. ick, kinda

the other day i had the urge to write (unmedicated too!! that doesn't happen very often anymore!) and i should've jus acted upon that but i ended up guilttripping myself w the whole 'you should do art instead its only 30 days its only once a year' which is already so suffocating. i ended up doing neither actually in part bc i psyched myself out abt making a choice so in the nd i made no choice (typical when unmedicated so this is the okay-ish norm tbh) and think i tired myself out enough to go to sleep. i woke up to an art file on my laptop so i intented to start smth i guess

also i think checking out an ipad from campus during the semester is so much easier to draw on vs the hassle that is drawing on my display tablet these days. i miss my wacom if only bc it was wireless and thin and easy to power on and get going. with this new tablet i have to plug in 3 diff cords and its bulkier nd i gotta scoot my laptop on my desk to still be in reach bc the tablet has no touch function and it takes A LOT of power and effort out of my laptop thats 12 yrs old now. it makes drawing digitally that much more of a chore tbh and is partially the reason i've doodled so much traditionally in the past year and kept all my digital art for uni work only

which another point. is uh. idk i think i'm rambling now but. last year i got super excited for artfight and drafted a bunch of stuff digitally and was sitting at the coffee table in the main room of my apt for the first time in so long and it was going well until i got rly into tetherverse again n started working on the sequel like mad and that stole away a lot of my drawing motivation. i had two handfuls of of artfight attacks sketched and only ever finished a SINGLE one last year which was terribly disappointing. and then i think realizing that at the end of the month absolutely killed my desire to work on the writing project i'd grown so passionate about too. vicious cycle all around rly.

i dont want it to be llike that this year but once again now that artfight is here even tho its a fun thing i've made it a "requirement" in my mind which kills all my passion to work on it. i think the term is... obligation? when something turns from doing it for fun into an obligation i Have to complete then i lose allllllll motivation and desire to do it. it's THEEE reason i'm always telling my dad i could never write books for a living, bc writing is a hobby first nd foremost and although i enjoy it a lot i know as soon as i become tied down to a project and i Have To complete it or face consequences then it will suck all the fun out of it

this is the same way for school and part of the reason uni's been so hard since.... ever, really, and it's jus taken me long to realise it. i get really into an art project at the start and then as deadlines and check-ins and such creep up i become less and less engaged. i have no trouble completing things in one sitting if given the time to do so if i'm 100% invested and engaged. during spring break 2022 i stayed up for almost three nights and two days and did nothing but research and write almost 25k for a fic opener. if i had work or anything else those days i literally cannot recall. the only thing i remember doing is taking a break to walk 15min to go and pay rent and that's when it rly set in how much caffeine i'd had and how long i'd been up writing.

all of that to say that if i'm into something i can waste away working until it's done. i've said this before bit making a wip folder for art Killed™ my art creating process. i used to have one file open and work on it until it was done, and if that took me more than one full day then i'd sleep on it and finish it the very next day. i don't rmember that happening very often. now i leave things unfinished all the time and its terrible. i also have a Lot Less free time to be fair but also. also. i cannot multitask so as soon as i save a wip and move on to the next it fucking bites the dust. i've gotten into the habit of leaving smth unfinished in another window on csp in hopes that i'll jump bck to it but i stopped that after a while bc i jus collect windows like i collect internet browser tabs.

i also think to go along w the time thing.. i have to mentally acknowledge that i have sufficient time to devote to smth. i'm not the type of person that can do smth for 15 min then jump up and do smth else. if i could write 100 words a day for a fic every day then i'd have far, far less wips than i do now. its harder especially to do this for fic bc a lot of what i do is longer work and sometimes i have to sink into it. if i'm writing for a 50k+ fic i haven't touched for even a month then i need time to go over what i have and what my plans are. it's much harder to work on a longer fic after a bit has passed than it is to pick up a shorter one bc it requires less time to dive back into the world. especially if its been like 6mo-1yr, before i even start writing again i gotta reread everything i've written up to that point. that takes more than a day, and i might get tired and move on to smth else before i've even finished rereading which is so exhausting. it's exhausting to work on so many diff things at once.

with art that means i gotta have time to fight w my display tablet and get everything settled. it takes so much work and effort that if i only have a couple hours, i feel like even that's not enough bc i know i'll have to stop before i'm done. if it takes me 90 minutes to get into drawing and i gotta be ready to leave in another 30 then like whats???? the point rly???? that's how i think tho!!!! it sucks !!!!! if i'm up at 8am but ik i have smth to do at 5p then my whole day revolves around that thing happening in 9 hrs. when it hits 12p i theoretically have enough time to do smth but executive dysfunction makes it hard to pick a singular task to prioritize, and when its 3hrs away from w/e i have to do suddenly nothing is worth it anymore. i'm very much a 'sink into it' creative person which means i cannot jus dive in and work on smth. i gotta have music, i gotta have some focus, i gotta be comfortable, i gotta have my mood set to w/e i'm doing, i gotta know what direction i'm going in,a nd i gotta have energy and enthusiasm to do said creative task. all of that aligning w/ inattentive adhd is so hard and makes life so miserable, but this is compounded even moreeeeeee by not being able to work unless i make my mind feel like i have ample time to do so. mainly bc if i get rly into smth then have to stop for an obligation that i'd rather do less (mainly work! rather would do anything but work but alas) than what i'm doing currently then it drains all my energy very rapidly and i get so disappointed. w/e i'm doing after, whether it be work or class or w/e, is with an air of such disdain bc it interrupted the 'special thing i was doing' that it makes life hell in all honesty. i want to put myself thru that the least amount of times possible which is why i never start anything i know i'll have to put down w/o being able to finish. let me rephrase that. being able to finish as i'd like it. working on a super long fic but writing enough for a chapter or running out of steam on my own and finishing a scene and then being dragged away to smth else is fine, bc i've "finished" on my end even if not in full. it's being interrupted in the middle of the process when i'm not ready to quit, basically. that kind of "finished" is what i mean. if i have 2 hrs and it takes me an hr to find references and i'm not exhausted after that then another 20m to sketch smth decent and only with like half an hr or so left am i into what i'm doing then what's the point?? especially when, as established, i can push a drawing into the wip folder and forget abt it if i'm no longer "into it" when i'm back and have time to draw again.

long rambling i'm tired of but basically it's the season of drawing obligations again and i wanna try this year to have fun and do what i want but ALSo not feel guilty abt doing smth that is not drawing for other ppl, which i already do so much of year round anyway (i love it, this is not a complaint). i wanna be able to write and play pkmn and read and do whatever and not feel like i Have to be artfighting every second of the day.