#been away because I've been feeling blech

[humblemooncat]

So, I decided to preview the pvp hair since the tome event's gonna have it available (and I'm garbage at pvp).

And, idk guys, I just think that 7.0 deserves a fresh cut.

It really does look like he's spent an eternity on his island tho, like that is the natural progression at this point because he ain't calling Jandelaine all the way out there when he has so much to do. xD

[risingshards]

Blegh okay I thought about it and after rewatching some eps and reading this again, I kinda like my rambling thoughts on acolyte ep 6 so here goes

Preface: I'm a very very VERY easy to please sw fan and I don't like ragging on shows or movies or whatever this way much these days if I can avoid it with how internet fandom is, like especially with this show with all the hatred and vitriol it's gotten from the incels.

And I've been enjoying the show a ton so far, and ep 6 wasn't bad...just. blech. I have critiques.

TLDR: I was excited for a big thriller mystery in the High Republic era told with a queer lens, and instead I feel like I'm getting a Goodreads review of a scrubbed Reylo fic listing the tropes.

spoilers and me bitching after cut lol

I'm just like why is it reylo now????????

I figured with the mentor swap we'd be heading to Osha turning to the dark side and maybe Mae to the light, but the way it's being put out there feels lacking. Osha is turning so quickly that it felt like i was reading some enemies to lovers romantasy for my book club (at least it hasn't been as awful as the colonizer romance they had me read but that is a LOW bar to clear....). Like a lot of the romantasy books I've read, it feels like setup and taking time to build meaningful connections between characters is ignored for like "oh wow he took his shirt off...he's so jacked....what was i talking about again..." I saw a video with the audio descriptions for the ep and it literally sounded like a romantasy audiobook.

And to note: if you love the enemies to lovers romantasy booktok books, like more power to ya! For me it's like when you stare at one of those magic pictures and you can't get your eyes to cross to see the picture, like "I do NOT understand what I'm supposed to see here."

Str8 enemies to lovers just kind of blech me out, where the evil one commits various atrocities that make me want to see them get what's coming to them, and then minutes later the good one is like "whoa he's hot maybe he's not so bad..."

Osha being so Jedi-like in personality only to immediately falter at a hot naked dude just feels gross. Like can't we have any other reasons for women in Star Wars to get tempted to the dark side than a shirtless man gaslighting them? Probably unsurprisingly but I REALLY did not like Reylo (I was in a very bad relationship and I kinda put the headcanon onto TLJ about it being an escape from an abuser because it came out right after I got away from that, so that going any other way did not vibe right with me) so maybe it's just residual feelings from that.

Again more power to you if this is your thing I'm not coming at anyone for enjoying it!

I think another thing that's making me uncomfortable is seeing interviews with Hedlund about Qimir about his desire for freedom against those who want him gone being relatable in a queer sense, and like I get that, I feel that. But if that's the character with the metaphorical queer experience why are we doing mega straight reylo 2 with him? And that guy brutally kills one of the queer girls and calls her it immediately after??? It doesn't help that the show started off feeling really queer, and now like 80% of the queer characters are dead and we're doing reylo 2. The "oh fuck yeah REYLOOOO" interviews I've read this week are NOT reassuring in this regard.

There's just something my pea brain doesn't get when it comes to stories with more shades of gray in series that are typically pretty black and white with morality. When a character crosses that threshold so far into villainy, I want to see them face some blow back for it, not immediately start going all "uwu they're torn and hurt aren't they?" about it. In Star Wars generally speaking I want the antagonist to BE the antagonist, not get thrown into this space between protagonist and antagonist that just has me all crossed up. I know there are plenty of redemptions in Star Wars for the villains, but I like it better when it's more mythical about the hardships of trying to save a villain's soul like Luke and Vader than "the lightsaber represents kylo's dick" reylo stuff.

I get that like the morality is probably supposed to be muddled in this show, and we're not supposed to feel good about Osha and Qimir getting closer smash cutting to Jecki's fresh corpse, but again, the execution feels messy when you have the gleeful "OH YEAH WE'RE DOING ENEMIES TO LOVERS BABY REYLO SLAYYYYYYY" interviews. Again I'm a VERY easy to please sw fan, and I've been really enjoying seeing the High Republic era in live action, seeing cortosis and wild lightsaber duels, all the expanded universe pulls, it feels really fresh in that regard. And all the performances are stellar, and having such a diverse cast is incredible.

If we had more than thirty minutes and more than 8 episodes to build to all this it'd feel a lot better. The character development feels like it's on roller coaster speed, but with Knife to Throat and other tropey scenes also seen in a bajillion enemies to lovers romance books nowadays thrown our way to fill the gaps. These scripts feel like they needed an editor to really go over the scene to scene motivations and logic and character work and dialogue, instead of mashing booktok trope buttons, which is also how I feel about most romantasy books I read...

Counterpoint to myself is that Star Wars is built on tropes and archetypes so this is like taking some tropes and archetypes of the current day's fiction and playing with them.

But idk.

Like am I really supposed to care about any of what I'm seeing or is it just gonna be booktok and fanfic tropes thrown my way now to a bunch of characters with muddled personalities and motivations clashing? We don't necessarily need someone to root for, and I'm probably being unfair to a lot of this, but after how thrilling Ep 5 felt, 6 has me wondering what the bigger picture of this show is, because it went from feeling like a fascinating if a bit messy story to one that might just be "Look here's enemies to lovers, knife to throat, corruption, oh and here's one bed!" without as much under the surface of that character and plot wise as I would have hoped.

[weilongfu]

MarkKitYu - Yu feeling left out because everyone knows that MarkKit are dating. He needs some comfort & cuddles.

Mark and Kit shared a glance as Yu stalked off for his room the minute they returned from classes.

"I didn't do it," Mark said with his hands up defensively. "I've been throwing myself at him all day."

"You throw yourself at everyone," Kit said before tossing his satchel at Mark. "I'll go see what's wrong."

"Love you both!" Mark yelled. "Su su na!"

Kit only sighed before knocking on Yu's door. "N'Yu? Is everything okay?"

"M'fine," Yu called out, but from the muffled sound, it was clear he was wrapping himself in blankets.

"I'm coming in."

"I said I'm- Phiiiii!" Yu whined as Kit walked in anyway. "What's the point of letting me have my own room here if you and Mark barge in whenever you like anyway?"

"We're your boyfriends, Yu. We're not trying to barge in to disrupt your privacy. We want to make sure you're okay," Kit said as he sat down next to Yu.

"My boyfriends, huh?" Yu huffed and rolled over to face the other way. "Who thinks that?"

"We think that," Kit said in an even tone. "And we know it's been a lot for you to adjust to-"

"But no one else thinks it."

Kit paused. "Yu... Are you-"

"I'm more mad that it's my fault," Yu said, curling up on himself. "I'm mad that I'm scared to actually sit between you two and let you act like my boyfriends and everyone else just keeps talking about how sweet you and Ai Mark are together and how it's weird that I keep walking around as your third wheel and-"

"Enough of that," Kit said as he finally lay down next to Yu and pulled him close, blankets and all. "You can't rush that sort of thing."

"But I want it..." Yu said softly. "I want to be able to look people in the eye... Say I gave up on Thanu and Pha... Found myself two amazing people who actually love me..."

"So say it," Mark said as he jumped on top of both Yu and Kit, causing both to yell. "My two boyfriends are so perfect, I'd love to tell everyone they're both mine."

"You'd love to tell everyone because your brain is addled on having too much sex every night," Kit yelled as he shoved Mark to the other side of Yu.

"No, I'd love to say it because you both deserve it, to have everyone know there's enough love in my heart for you both, equally." Mark punctuated his sentence by hugging Yu and rubbing his cheek against Yu's protests. "So fucking hold our hands tomorrow at uni, you dumbass."

"Mark!" Kit smacked Mark's arm, but Mark just laughed.

"It's the only way to get through to Yu's little head," Mark said as he bumped foreheads with Yu. "Just gotta be blunt with my bestie boyfie."

"Blech." Yu mimed throwing up but retracted his tongue before Mark could do anything to it. "That's disgusting. Don't call me that again."

"Bestie boyfieeeeeeee," Mark teased as he kissed Yu's lips. "And Kit is my kitkat boyfie!"

"I second N'Yu, don't call me that."

"Boyfieeeesssssss!" Mark resumed his position on top of the pile to rain kisses down on both Yu and Kit. "Equal opportunity love!"

"Forget it," Yu exclaimed as he struggled to free himself from his blankets and Mark's hold. "I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore. I'm just going to run away with P'Kit!"

Despite his own lack of enjoyment of Mark's current enthusiasm, Kit tightened his grip on Yu. "As much as I'd enjoy that, I'm afraid you're stuck with both of us for now." Kit planted his own gentle kiss on Yu's forehead. "We're happy to go at your pace. Just let us know what you want us to do and when. We'll be with you."

"Thank you," Yu said after Mark had finished his kiss attacks and settled down next to him again. "I want to try... And I'm glad you'll try with me."

"Always," Kit and Mark said at the same time.

[jadedaegis]

I posit something; a Theory. Not just a theory of course- nay, a Game Theory!

Okay, so putting on an alternate persona to dissociate from the reality of a situation. Who else did that at 12-13? I know I did.

At the time: I was a person being bombarded with hormonal malaise whilst dealing with a situation grown from the yeasts of Mental Health and Familial Cycle-breaking. Parents were well off, but my parents had been friends with people who would manipulate them and take advantage of their generosity. This, of course, paired with their C-PTSD, (especially my father's for being sexually molested as a kid) resulted in my life being a veritable nightmare. Dissociation and my own Headspace, for lack of a better term, lead to me delving into fictions in my head. It was better to be "born a woman!1!!one" or whatever bullshit inside my head than to live and experience the nightmare that was, summarily; Egg Experience + Undiagnosed ADHD + L + Ratio. I vividly remember pretending Jade (yes, Harley. Homestuck.) was "real" or whatever- but! not in the way of "I wanna date her hurr durr" (even though I interpreted that as what it had to be) This, of course, lead to me feeling mega-cringe when puberty did the puberty thing and got turned on by the idea of being a girlcock-carrier. Especially if it was the Homestuck character yet to be, uh, "given" one.

So it's kiiinda strange how Omori still has tissues in White Space?

He, in the original comic, is heavily implied to have been using that for stuff I REALLY don't like thinking about, blech. Why were those not taken out? And why is Sunny's mind even interested in Slime Girls???? Why does he lock away a part of himself that wants him to forgive himself and is "the Wisest?" Why does Sunny, when he is fully consumed by Omori and sees only Omori in the mirror of his house; even get the ability to allow one of the denizens of Headspace to transfigure his gender? Yes, he doesn't get to look in the mirror- almost as if he is shunning that part of himself. Is it because Omori is perhaps aware of the idea that Sunny could be pining for a different body? Would it lead to discovering the Truth, somehow? Abbi? ...what even is the deal with Abbi? Why is she "the Wisest?" Her face, depicted as Tako-chan, have a question mark? Why does Omori deem her to be such a threat? Why does he not use his power to enforce the absence of Abbi? Why does the mask he put on not represent his form past 12? And what is it with TVs that teleports Omori to Black Space?

That last question addresses nothing tangential to my point. Just curious.

Overall, I think there's a lot of subtext that can point to Sunny being trans. I'm not saying this is even close to being absolutely the answer. It certainly was not intended by Omocat. I'm absolutely sure I've missed points and counterpoints to my thesis, so please feel free to point 'em out!

[aimmyarrowshigh]

random ask: tell us about the best comic book you've read recently?

Good question! Honestly, I haven't been reading very much at all this month because my brain is too Consumed By The Horrors to have the ability to focus on anything at all.

I also feel like I've been in a bit of a comics funk ever since finishing Patsy Walker AKA Hellcat!, because it was SO my jam in pretty much every way, and that whole comics Thing where after that run, everything that happened in it kind of got waved away for the next Hellcat runs made me really grumpy. I don't like that immediately after PWAKAH, Patsy's next run was as Iron Man's sidepiece, and then after that she has such a SHARP and COMPLETE tone-shift for the most recent run compared to PWAKAH. Like, I get that they panicked and wanted to make her Sexy(TM) again or whatever, but... blech. Bring back Ian and Tom! Bring back her friendship with Jen! Bring back her friendship with Jubilee! Bring back Bailey! Bring back her doing good and being happy and gaining self-actualization!!!

I mean, I like the haunted house aspect of the most recent run, but it's not my TYPE of haunted house story. ::pushes a glass off the desk like a cat::

I'm trying to think what else I've read recently that I liked as much as PWAKAH. I always like Silk's solo runs. I'm enjoying "Scarlet Witch & Quicksilver" even though the Wizard is a supremely silly villain. I'm really excited for the return of Strange Academy, even if it is part of the Blood Hunt event which... ugh. I mean, I'm gonna read it all. But Marvel Dracula is such a fuckin' nerd (and he owes Moon Knight money).

OH OH OH! In a RARE FOR ME departure from Marvel, I read DC's graphic novel "Whistle," which I mostly read because I love e.lockhart and also stories about Jewish teenage girls, and I loved it. LOVED it. Highly highly highly recommend.

Also recommend the novel "Winter Soldier: Cold Front." I cried.

I'm still enjoying the current run of Doctor Strange, and everything starting with The Death Of Doctor Strange/Strange Academy in... 2022? 2021? Whenever that was. The DODS: Spider-Man & Black Cat issue is one of my all-time favorite comics issues. I really enjoyed last year's Scarlet Witch run, although I didn't love the Contest of Champions event as much as I wanted to love it.

I enjoyed Avengers Inc. a lot! I do feel like it was hampered by being a miniseries instead of a longer run, because the big reveal(s) weren't given the space they needed to have the gravity and weight they deserved, IMO, given the characters involved and the huge pendulum swing that happened, but. I did enjoy it overall. I like mysteries and I like Janet, so that was fun.

What I'm most looking forward to at the moment is the novel "What If... Wanda Maximoff and Peter Parker Were Siblings?" by @seananmcguire because OH MY GOD. EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT IS MY FAVORITE FOOD. I WANT TO EAT IT ALL RIGHT NOW.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Every time I read the news coming out of this reeking cesspit of a state I am reminded that there's nothing for me down here. I want to go back to school, but I can't stay here any longer. I need to spend this next year establishing residency up north or out west so I can apply to colleges in a state I'm not embrassed and scared of. I have the advantage of being an alumnus down here so I'm more likely to be accepted into another bachelor's program, but I don't think that outweighs the bad.

If I move to another state I won't be starting over from square one because I'll still have the advantage of having aced my SATs back in 2013/2014 and already having a BA from a top tier university. That's something. I'll still reapply to my alma mater as a backup, but I'm sure I'll get accepted by other schools. I need to shop around and find a state worth settling in long-term, one with lots of universities to choose from so I don't have to put all my eggs in one basket and come sulking back to Florida because I got one rejection letter.

I have family in Maryland, but that state is ridiculously expensive. Virginia is cheaper, but it's not faring much better than Florida news wise. Pennsylvania maybe? Delaware? Blech... My only other family members live out in California, and I would honestly rather stay in my familiar hellscape than move there. I have friends in Oregon and Washington state, so the Pacific Northwest doesn't sound too bad. It would also be nice go live near the Canadian border in case shit hits the fan stateside, so that feels like my best bet.

Problem is, that's literally the farthest away from Florida it's possible to get, so it would be a VERY difficult move under the best of circumstances. I'd need to find a job before I moved, but I wouldn't be able to start searching until I've already established myself in the area; Catch-22.

Baby steps. I'm getting WAY ahead of myself again. I've been thinking of going back to school for less than 12 hours and I'm already thinking about starting a new life. No, I need to focus on the immediate future. No big changes. Not yet. First and foremost I need to buy some math textbooks so I can refresh myself on algebra 1, geometry, algebra 2, trig, and calc. Those 5 courses alone will be plenty to keep me occupied for the next year, I don't need to juggle a cross country move on top of it.

I need to think this through, I can't just dive in all gung-ho.

[fuzzydreamin]

Doing the Writer Bingo thing, considering myself tagged by @theartofblossoming because they said so

I got bingo twice!

Gonna tag @new-eyes-extra-colors @bokatan and @nukanaptime if yall haven't already done it - blank template is under the cut along with me talking about my answers and writing - feel free to ignore it if you want lol.

I don't actually have any of my fics public rn because I hid all of my old ones (they were HP and thats blech now), but I had... 13 fics, including a completed multichapter amongst a bunch of oneshots and abandoned starters, lol.

So I have had a Fanfiction.net account, but I never posted fic on there. I just read fic there. I also read fic on a bunch of other old sites that don't exist anymore and haven't for many years, but didn't have profiles on them. I don't even remember their names, I know some were primarily non-english sites that just happened to have some of their fics translated - some of the best fics honestly. I've only ever posted on Ao3 because it wasn't until I was basically done with highschool that I felt confident enough to write publicly.

Never had a wattpad phase. Never even read fics on it and I honestly click away if fic links lead there. I just don't like how it's set up.

My most popular oneshots were my two hard E rated smut fics, which rivaled by multi-chapter fic for a while but got overtaken by it while I wasn't looking, hah.

Some of the earliest writing I ever did was roleplay. I joined a Warrior Cats roleplay guild on the Neopets forum as a wee child. I didn't even know what Warriors was when I joined, I just wanted to play with cats. It introduced me to the series though, which became a big part of my life with reading and art. The roleplaying was fun for a bit but... well there were issues but I guess we were all kids. Didn't help that they were all American so I had to do weird hours to join events. I don't do a lot of roleplay overall, I've dipped my toes in again here and there but never anything dedicated. It's rather intimidating honestly.

I've never beta read anything or had a beta. I work entirely alone and prefer it that way. I just do it all myself and quadruple check everything and then freak out after posting and check again and again to pick up any small spelling mistakes that might've slipped past me.

Always been a nerd for researching. Sometimes I'll be researching something by my own whimsey and that'll become part of a fic after the fact, lol. I like when authors sprinkle in little bits of knowledge, and some of my favourite fics are ones that have me highlighting terms to look them up further.

I never actually had an outline for any of my old fics. I would just start typing up whatever came to mind at the time and post it when it felt ready. It's a miracle I finished a multichapter fic at all honestly. But I'd also be manic in my writing, being that I'd blast out one or even multiple chapters a day for a while and then randomly stop and not look at any of my fics for months or even years. I did begin to start fics with some outlines and collected thoughts later on, and I'm outlining so very much with my newer fic and not writing in a manic state anymore thanks to nearly a decade spent working on my mental health. I'm writing from a better place now, but I often look back at my old works and wonder if I haven't lost something over time due to the large break I took in creating, which is something that goes for my drawing too. Overall though I have a lot more hope for my future works being more planned/thought out and far superior to anything I've put out before - though I didn't get many complains on my old stuff, just a lot of very confused watchers who got overstuffed and then left in the lurch. Sorry.

The "anxiously waits for feedback" thing I think is something pretty much everyone feels when they put any work out there. I really get it with the immediate posting and having to double and triple check that I didn't misspell anything, or get something wrong, and that what I'm trying to say comes out clearly - as if people will point it out and laugh at me or something when I know they won't / haven't even had time to read it yet even though it's public. I've found it's best to just distance myself after posting and doing my doublecheck though, like just enjoying a game or an episode of something and trying to forget about it for a bit and avoid checking it too frequently. Like meditating, but with a distraction.

I have commissioned art for fics at least twice - but neither of the fics actually made it to the point were the art could be used. Oopsy. Was still fun getting the art.

So many unfinished and unpublished fics. I could probably complete that Danse/Butch smut oneshot I was doing back at new years...

"Editing and formatting is hell", I mean... I've mentioned my tendency to quadruple-billion-times check things twice now. This makes three.

Ideas in the middle of the night are the worst. I can't type shit out on my phone, it takes too long and I get frustrated (I'm also sleeping next to my partner and he'd question wtf I'm doing with a light on), and even if I try the ideas are already escaping like very agile moths. My condolence is that ideas that come when I'm half-asleep probably actually aren't that good anyway and just seem so to my sleep-addled self.

I don't need tea to write, but it definitely helps. That or an iced mocha. ... it's totally the effect of caffeine and sugar on the ADHD... I'll be bouncing up and down while I sit there but at least my fingers will be moving over the keys.

[veebs-hates-video-games]

I'm glad I waited until the last minute to figure out how I felt about the games I played this year because there were some surprise changes right up until the end. I think I managed to get most things I played this year that weren't just demos onto a list and will have opinions on them.

There will potentially be too many to tag properly, but maybe I'll try linking the game titles to the tags and see how that goes, which should bring up any previous posts about them with more detail (although I still haven't finished updating all the old posts to the new tags yet as of writing this so they might not all work right away).

Also except for the final category stuff within each group isn't really in any particular order, and there's no hard boundary between some of the categories where I think everything in one is definitively better than everything in another (e.g. I think Aria of Sorrow is better than at least some of the stuff in the "pleasantly surprised category", but I liked it exactly as much as I expected to so it is where it is).

So starting from the worst:

Fate/EXTELLA LINK was the least fun I had with a game all year. It's like what if a Musou game felt worse to play and also had an extremely uncomfortable level of pandering to weebs and their waifus in the writing. Blech.

Diablo 2: Resurrected is literally unplayable without creating an account and being online even though D2 has always had offline single player. They don't actually mention this. I only have it because it was cheaper to get the bundle with D2 and D3 than D3 by itself.

Super Mario 3D World is the least fun I've had with a Mario game in literally decades. 3D movement with a fixed camera is awful. I still like the full 3D games and the 2D ones, but this is nope for me.

Pendula Swing is honestly probably fine on a different platform (read: with a mouse and keyboard), but the Switch version is borderline unplayable. The idea seemed interesting but it was so clunky I couldn't get into it.

Ys Origin just hasn't aged well. I played it a long time ago and it was in the "fine, I guess" category, but trying to replay it after some of the newer ones (which will be further down the list) was rough.

And then games that were mostly just disappointing to me:

Diablo 3 is one of those things everyone kept saying at least feels the best to play out of all the modern ARPGs for years, so I finally gave in and tried it to see what all the fuss was about. It feels like Torchlight 2.5 with a bigger budget and was kind of uninspiring overall.

The Outer Worlds was something I was really hopeful about, but I just didn't find anything at all about it enjoyable.

Pokemon Picross is just a bunch of free-to-play bullshit ruining something that could've been fun. The world is better off with the eShop shut down so no one can play it anymore.

Persona 5 Royal is another one I was really looking forward to that I just did not click with at all. The first few hours were full of minor annoyances and did very little to win me over.

AI: The Somnium Files had potential and sounded interesting, but moon logic for solving puzzles should've stayed in the 90s and I could do without all the random horniness.

The World Ends With You: Final Remix and NEO: The World Ends With You are frustrating because they have so many interesting ideas and a neat presentation but just aren't any fun to play, especially the first one.

Tales of Vesperia just hasn't aged super well I think. I know there are people who like it, and I was looking forward to it, but I think I would've had to play it closer to stuff like Tales of Symphonia to appreciate it.

Inscryption is not my thing at all. It's a shame because I loved Pony Island, but I just couldn't get into this one.

Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze is a Donkey Kong Country game, which have always been just ok to me. I should've remembered that and not bought into the hype over the years.

Next is stuff I liked the idea of but didn't really like playing enough to stick with it:

Titanfall 2 has really neat movement and stuff, and I've heard the later levels do some interesting stuff, but beyond that the actual combat wasn't really my thing.

Ori and the Blind Forest had too many frustrating bits to keep me playing through the parts I did like.

Disgaea 4 seemed fun and like it had a lot of potential, but I always find that kind of SRPG way too fiddly, ever since I tried the original Final Fantasy Tactics.

Marenian Tavern Story: Patty and the Hungry God is just a worse version of Blacksmith of the Sand Kingdom (see later on the list), which is understandable because they made it first.

Bravely Default I mostly played a couple years ago, but this year I put another dozen hours in and finally gave up on it. I really like a lot of stuff about it, but there were just too many things that frustrated or annoyed me.

They Bleed Pixels seems like fun and has some good pixel art (mostly the story stuff outside the gameplay segments), but I don't think it's for me.

Hero Hours Contract is an amazing idea and I love almost everything about it except for actually playing it.

Luckslinger took forever for me to get around to. The idea of luck being a consumable resource you have to manage is really neat, but I wasn't really enjoying the actual game, even if "pixel art hip hop spaghetti western" sounds great on paper.

Carto is one I don't really have anything against beyond apparently glitching it into an unrecoverable state and not being invested enough to start over.

Cris Tales is another one of those ones where I like a lot of stuff about it except for actually playing it.

Anarcute was a lot of fun for a little while, but it started introducing more elements I tend to not really like. Definitely one of the cuter games on the list with one of the best theme songs though.

Followed by things I had mixed feelings on or the "fine, I guess" category:

PixelJunk Eden 2 was fun enough, but they changed things from the original in a way that seems to be to make it more suitable for mobile, and I feel like most of them made it worse.

Voice of Cards: The Isle Dragon Roars didn't quite stick the landing. I loved the idea of everything being cards on a table with a single narrator/GM running everything, and the world and characters were interesting enough for a while. It didn't quite hold up for me all the way through to the end though.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is...better than Breath of the Wild, at least? It's smoothed over a lot of my biggest annoyances with that, and it's amazing that half the stuff in it even works at all, but it still doesn't feel like Zelda to me and has been pretty low priority to get back to and finish.

Atelier Ryza: Ever Darkness and the Secret Hideout has one of the worst openings of any game I've played in years and absolutely awful pacing. It did seem to finally have opened up and gotten potentially rather good where I left off (and might get back to one of these days), but it shouldn't take half a dozen hours for that.

Yoku's Island Express is a clever idea and was a pretty good time for a while, but it's also one of the buggiest things I've played in the past year, and that's what drove me to stop playing.

Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age is frustrating to go back to. I loved the demo when I played it a couple years ago, but redoing everything now because I'm playing the full game on a different platform kinda sucks because of how slow the start is.

Will Die Alone has an interesting premise and way of interacting with it, but it stops short of quite saying as much with it as I would've liked.

Chaos;Head Noah had so much potential that kind of got wasted in the end. I really liked a lot of stuff about it along the way, but it's also kind of a mess. Hopefully when I get around to Steins;Gate they'll have learned to do it better because the anime for that one was great.

I'LL KILL HER is basically an interactive comic book, and the main strength is the art. The rest is fine I guess. Every content warning for this one.

Murder by Numbers is a constant mix of mildly amusing and mildly annoying. I hope they can even things out if they make more games in the future.

And then games that were pretty good but not my favorites:

Kuukiyomi: Consider It is a silly idea and doesn't overstay its welcome. I haven't felt an urge to play the sequels so far though.

Theatrhythm Final Bar Line is definitely the best in the series and has tons of great music, but I still have some issues with this style of music/rhythm game that keep me from completely loving it.

Cadence of Hyrule was kind of annoying when I first started playing the demo, but once I got the hang of it I had a pretty good time mostly. The huge difficulty spike at the end left me less happy with it than I was for most of the game though.

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow is probably the best game in this category, much better than most of the others, and my favorite Castlevania game, but it's a little short of being one of my favorites overall this year.

Syrup and the Ultimate Sweet is probably my second favorite in thie category and rather cute and silly.

One Night: Burlesque is the "worst" game in this category and doesn't entirely succeed at what it's trying to do, but I appreciate the effort and the overall vibes.

Gunma's Ambition -You and Me Are Gunma- is literally just a single joke drawn out for like an hour, but they lean into it enough to make it work.

LOUD: My Road to Fame has a couple weird design decisions that make it a bit frustrating toward the end, but up until then it's a surprisingly fun music/rhythm game with decent original music.

Lara Croft GO has some pretty decent puzzles in it and is probably my second favorite Tomb Raider game at this point, but I also had some Issues with it that held it back a little bit.

Next are the ones that I was pleasantly surprised by that were better than I expected:

Pixel Puzzle Makeout League was not what I expected. I figured it would just be picross with a silly dating sim on top, but I had no idea about the themes and ideas it would go into, and the entire ending section of the game in general was great and totally unexpected.

Blacksmith of the Sand Kingdom really surprised me. I had zero expectations going in, and while it isn't quite great at anything it's good to very good at a lot of things and was pretty satisfying in the end.

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion is the most Zelda-like game I've played this year (with close competition from another game down the list), and an actual Zelda game came out this year. Exactly as long as it needed to be and went in a more interesting direction than I thought it would.

Majotori is something I accidentally stumbled on because it was on a list of games that at least tangentially have lesbians in them, and it's delightfully silly.

Death end re;Quest really surpassed my expectations, even if I have significant enough issues with it that it's hard to recommend without caveats. it did some surprisingly interesting things though, and I keep thinking about it from time to time.

Rabisco+ was an impulse purchase because it randomly came up and was very cheap and I had no idea what was going on in the cover art. It turned out to be a short but pretty fun arcade-style puzzle game.

Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana was the first Ys game I played since Ys Origin first came out in English, and the series has really come a long way since then and is much better these days.

Demong Hunter was basically an impulse joke purchase because I had to know what makes a demong different from a demon. I still have no idea, but this was way better than I expected from what initially seemed like a cheap mobile game.

Ys IX: Monstrum Nox wasn't quite as good overall as the previous game in the series, but I still had a lot of fun with Goth Adol, and all the new movement abilities added a lot to it.

Perfect Gold did a surprisingly decent job of having flawed characters who worked through problems in their relationship without making them annoying or unlikable like often happens.

Trigger Witch is the other most Zelda-like game I played this year. I totally grabbed it because of the cover art and it was on sale, but it's a pretty solid twin-stick shooter mixed with the LttP/LA era of Zelda.

Will You Snail? was pretty unknown to me before I started playing because I somehow avoided anyone else playing it or talking about it, but it turned out to be a pretty good precision platformer with a fun gimmick, which is hard to pull off for me because I can be kinda picky about how platformers feel to play for some reason.

Vivid Knight managed to absorb nearly all my game time until I finished it, which I did not see coming. I did eventually start to see the cracks in the systems and stopped enjoying it as much, but up until then I got pretty wrapped up in it.

And finally the ones that were probably my favorites, not necessarily in order but with the best generally toward the end:

Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition and Xenoblade Chronicles: Future Connected would be more toward the top of the list except this was a replay so I'm disqualifying it. I played the Wii version originally, and they sure did improve almost everything in an already great game in this version.

Bowser's Fury was about as enjoyable as Super Mario 3D World was unenjoyable. I'm not sure it would quite work for a full size Mario game, but there were some good ideas in this one.

Trials of Mana really polished up an older game that I thought was kind of underwhelming back in the day and turned it into something I had a great time with. Between this and the recent announcement of the new game I'm cautiously optimistic about something good in the Mana series finally happening for the first time since the PS1.

Harvestella really caught me off guard. I was expecting a farming sim with some Final Fantasy-style nonsense on top, and it turned out to be 85% JRPG with a story I liked more than anything FF has done in years.

Can Androids Pray is the most last minute addition to this list on December 30th. When a short story (in any medium) really focuses in on a single relationship or conversation or event or idea so well that it implies the existence of the entire rest of the universe around that my brain just starts vibrating. This is one of those.

The House in Fata Morgana takes a long road to get to its ending and the characters earn every step of the way there. It also surprised me by being a totally different flavor of queer than I expected.

Unpacking wins the award for best vibes. I had a lot of feelings about this one, probably including some they weren't expecting people to have when they made it, and it does a better job telling a story than most stuff on this list despite having no visible characters and almost zero dialogue.

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim I think wins for my favorite story/writing this year. People said it was a great sci-fi story, and not just for a video game, and they were right.

Fire Emblem Engage is the winner for my favorite gameplay. They absolutely nailed a lot of the mechanics and systems on the game design side of things, and it's my favorite Fire Emblem game at this point.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3: Future Redeemed gets this spot for my favorite overall. They polished the already great gameplay of XC3, introduced some great new characters and brought back some old ones, and managed to expand on a lot of the story from the entire trilogy and tie up a bunch of stuff all at the same time.

And I guess that's finally that. There were some pretty big disappointments for me, but there were even more really great games I played and ones I had no idea I'd like as much as I did. I think I'm just going to tag stuff in the final two categories (since that's what'll fit) and call it a day.

[wench-and-jezebel]

My Bloody Valentine (3D) Reaction:

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

[Preemptive warning for gore, btw… I'm sure that's shocking]

Bloody gears, so scurry

DEAN

Jump scare

How.  Did she.  Not notice that sooner.  [Define the that for the viewers please, dear]  That the guy legit just wasn’t in his bed

WELL SHIT. DERSSS BEEN A MURDERRRRR.  [THERE'S BEEN SEVERAL MY DEAR]

WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE GORE?!  [Ma’am.]  Kiddingggg

Sweet lord. Blech

The acting tho ☠️☠️☠️☠️ [I've told you this; Jackles is, like, the only good actor in this (slight exaggeration but not much)]  🤣🤣🤣 Fair

Deannn  [His name's Tom btw aksldjf]

Whooooa, Tom's voice… That caught me off guard  [I KNOW RIGHT] Isss so soft  [asfdkja;dslfkj This is true]

[Creepy mineshaft that just collapsed: OBVIOUSLY the best place for a party]  Right?!

Oooooh jumpscare??

☠️

[Damn, I really should've warned you about the gore, huh?] Literally

But also.  Wot.  WAS THAT.  You can tell this was a 3D movie  ☠️☠️☠️

How’d he miss them

[“Jason” Wrong horror movie, bud]  ☠️☠️☠️

Buddy.  Don’t you see the bodies???

Runnnnn buddy

☠️☠️☠️ Well damn

Damn x2

Oh shit.  ☠️☠️☠️☠️ blech

[And prepare yourself for some uncoolness btw]  Uncoolness?  [“Dean”'s friends]  Oh.  Oh shit.  They just.  Left him.  Though, I mean, at least his girlfriend tried.  [Yes, but she's 1/3]  True.  2/3 suck.  [asdkfjha;kdfsj Yeah]

Poor buddy [Abandoned with a serial killer]

Bad-buddy, the mask breathing is a giveaway

Freckles

Blood freckles

Bruh HARRY IS A BEAST [*to the dulcet sounds of Bachman-Turner Overdrive* You ain't seen nothing yet]

And at that moment he snapped [...]  What?  [Nothing.]

The lip trembleee thoooo 💕💕💕 *dissolves*

– – – 

And here we paused because someone closed Safari.  Not that I’m naming names, but it was Jezebel.  Because obviously, if anyone were gonna close the film preemptively, it’d be she.  (With all affection, my dear :) )

– – – 

Wait, is that douche?  From earlier?  [Yes]  Le gasp

Wait?  Wait  WAIT  That hoe!!!  3/3  [I told you… uncoolness.]  She ain’t loyal

I don’t even feel bad the guy’s gonna kill ‘em all  [That’s what I’m SAYING]

[And btw... wait for itttt]  GOOD!  Thassss what she gets  [tbf, you're right: there’s a poeticness to the fact that she’s being cheated on after abandoning Tom and moving on with the other dude]

I knew it.  Haha.  Ya screwed up buddy. She pregnant.

Bowleggedness at its finest  [alskdjf]  Even if that was the most pointless scene  [LAKSJDF;LKASJFD]  Imma squat and stare at spooky mine where all my trauma came from  [Max-coded] ☠️

[This whole town pisses me off, btw]

Buddy can’t get a good dad. Including his irl one.  [Wait till you see Devour…. Where his dad sucks AND is played by his irl dad]

[Pupper]

👀👀👀👀 Welp.  [They're very.  Enthusiastic.]  Tiddies ☠️☠️☠️☠️ [It does get... more]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  I just…. It’s not like that.  It’s nothing like that.  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[I forgot how PTSD buddy is] 💕💕💕💕💕*sigh*

[That.  Does not qualify as romantic btw]

Oh shit

OH SHIT

BITCH?!  Why did you not shut the door?!!?  CLEARLY SHES HAS NEVER SEEN A HORROR MOVIE

Come on, ma’am, you never hide under the bed [Hmmmmm, I wonder where she could beeeee]

Well damn poor lady.  [Yup :(]

DAMN

THIS MOVIES FUCKING WILD 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣  [I KNOW]

Hi 💕 *dissolves* [His smile is so cute tho]  Oh my goooosh dawwww

Ok I’m not AS mad that she moved on.  But still.  [It still bothers me for a thing I can't say yet; talk about it at the end]  Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wait.  Oh wait!  Is the kid his?  [I don't think so]  Oh  [It's been ten years… Kid's not ten, I don't think]  I thought that was the thing you couldn’t say  [Nope.  You’ll see :)]

Yeah you shot him, but he did kinda just you know… WALK AWAY

OH SHIT, old man.  [Did I mention this whole town pisses me off?]  

“I didn’t kill those people.”  Why tf are they blaming him?  [Technically.  Because the mine explosion is explained as being because he didn't do something he should've.]  Ooooh  [But AGAIN.  Accidental explosion vs intentional homicide.  Which is the bigger deal?]  Ye. Not the same.  Like.  TF?!  And like…. If buddy wanted to be doing the murders… he would have done it anyway.  [AND Even if he initially started "to save air" (unclear), he then killed all the poor nurses and doctors and college kids.  So that's not just.  “necessity”]

Why you watching their "activities", sir?  That’s not a murder.  That’s.  Intercourse.  Buddy.

BUDDY YOURE CHEATING ON HER!!!  YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE JEALOUS ABOUT HER STILL LIKING TOM.

[Buddy, you already regretted the last ten years of your life.  Also, ma'am annoys me here btw.  "How dare you need time and space away from the town that blamed you for blowing up a mine after the serial killer who almost killed you got shot in front of you after your friends abandoned you?!?!?"]

Buddy you’re always losing your way.  It’s a character trait at this point.

Nahhhhh mines scuuuurrr me [Even without serial killers in them]

Ouch migraine

Okay, nope, that’s it.  The way they look at each other.  That was just tooooo much of a looking in the mirror moment.  If Tom’s not the bad guy, I’ma riot.

The fecking squelch

[You realize how claustrophobic Tom must be tho?]  Right!?!

Bruh.  He was locked in the cage.  I still think he did it (so how tf did he do that) but come on

“Cause you’re pretty and I love you” [Basically]

BRUH AXEL YOU ARE CHEATING ON HERRRRRR.  [I KNOW.  He’s so possessive and for why.  He legit gives 0 shits]

I AM SO READY FOR HIM TO DIE.  if he doesn’t I’m gonna be very angry

[This has gone well btw]

“Come on, wife I don’t care about but pretty boy can’t care about either”

Gahhhhhh I hate that douche is the cop.  Ewwwww  [!!!]

“Why would you want to sell the mine?” *2 seconds later*  “Why would you want to stay?”

Ohh he struck a nerve [This poor dude has gotten punched, like, three times] ☠️☠️☠️

[I love his coat-hoodie combo thing alkasjfd]

“Or you”  Poor ol buddy's like… why you say that to me

Yellow fever vibes [Yes]

[Did I mention that buddy is so claustrophobic and so PTSD that it's painful]  I knowwwww

Why you look so shocked; you didn’t even close it

Ahhhhhh Blech

Why can’t douche just like die  [alksdjf Maybe he will!]

Oh shit “We found Ben”

[I swear, they're all just like: Hmm, something went wrong. Blame Tom!]

Bruh this chick

Wait WOT.  Ma'am, Axel was only there for you ‘cause you left Tom behind!??

[They have also never seen a horror movie]

Oh don’t hold your belly ma’am; you’re what, three days?

Beaten down with a Turkey leg

Oh shit Sarah die?  [I say nothing]

“Yes, let me leave you alone”

All he’s thinking is “thanks Harry”

Oooop- She knowwws  [I know she's saying Axel, but it sounded like asshole]

OH SHIT NOT THE KIDDDD

ME AS A COP!  “Do I gotta go in?”

Welp cop You’re about to be retired from life too, ok?

Oh shiiiiiit

X2

Ooooof

Good thing I’m not squeami— oh. Wait  [I GAVE THE GORE WARNING]

[Ooh, the salt in the wound tho.  "She left with that nice Tom Hanniger"]

Theeeeee CGI

[Ma'am, Axel almost slammed you into a desk; how is him being violent impossible?]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

They didn’t handle this storyline well.  I hate that the guy who got the short end of the stick the whole movie is the bad guy  [FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT.  Also… That end just got shorter btw]  ☹️☹️  [The screams thoooo]

Ewww Axel’s vengeance face

She gon kill axel and then it’s not him

☠️☠️☠️ Poetic

Bitch.  Why.  The mines.  Of all places.  To hide.  From a psycho miner dude.

Poor Sarah

Oooop- Buddy messed up

Poor buddy lost it

Like…. [While you type, lemme just say how much I hate how Axel's immediate response is "I knew it"]  What pisses me offf is axel doesn’t even care about any of it.  Just that he was right.  [SBC, but I wish it weren’t]  Like this isn’t about justice for the dead people. It’s ohhhhh I don’t like you and you ended up being the bad guy.  This is what I mean with they handled it bad.  [Definitely agree.  We’ll talk more at endpoint reaction.]

[That went well]  That went boom

Bruh.  He just doesn’t die

Ew; no one cares about yall’s love.  [HE WAS CHEATING ON HER A DAY AGO]

🙂 He lives

That look

– – –

Endpoint Reaction:

Jezebel: Instead of Axel being the jealous whatever-he-was, he should have been Tom’s best friend. They leave ‘cause they think the guy’s killed him. And then get together because he disappears. Even if the cheating still happens, it takes away that the “bad guy gets the girl and the good guy’s the bad guy” taste.  That alone would have made it a little easier to watch and made it to where you could be happy they get away.  

Wench: Agreed

Jezebel: Because the way it’s handled almost feels like this whole movie victim-blamed Tom into insanity and thus turned him into the thing he tried to get them to see he wasn’t.  Also the whole “he was in an asylum” thing seemed so “we gotta explain why he’s got this split personality” so they threw it in, when they could have I dunno showed it in a two minute clip

Wench: Yeah

Jezebel: But the gore was 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 hard to watch but made it scary enough in that sense.  And there was a full on nekked woman running around.  It wasn’t horrible! But yeah. It’s up there with Friday the 13th on killers I side with

Wench: So, you know I have a fondness for this film.  But it's very much a "I know it's not good and watch anyway" kind of fondness, mixed with the tastes that leads people to watch, for example... revenge stories.  I recognize that Tom's the "bad guy" of the film, and I also recognize that some of the people he killed weren't people who deserved it.  But I also can't stop myself from rooting for him, and that --- the fact that he makes it to the end, for example --- is a large part of the fondness.  It's like Law Abiding Citizen, where the "bad guy" is nonetheless the one you root for.

Jezebel: LAW ABIDING CITIZEN OOOOOH I LOVE THAT ONEEEE

Wench: Yesss

Also Wench: But it also pisses me off because of a number of things (some of which you covered).  If the town as a whole --- his alleged friends, family, partners, etc --- had bothered to check in with him instead of villainizing him, the entire movie (or, at least, all but the first ten minutes) might not have happened.  He didn't leave out of the blue, and it's stupid that they act like he did.  He left because, in close proximity: a) the entire town turned against him for a mistake --- a costly mistake, sure, but nonetheless, an accident --- that they apparently ranked as on-par with the serial-killing miner who slaughtered a whole hospital and a college party of some kind, b) said miner tried to kill him, c) his friends left him behind for said miner to kill him, and then d) said miner got shot in front of him at extremely close quarters.  Buddy didn't leave for the fun of it; buddy was confined to a mental institution because he had some combination of a mental breakdown and/or a dissociative identity split.  To the point that he's still chugging meds in the movie and showing signs of both PTSD and a related panic disorder of some kind (at least to my amateur eyes)

Jezebel: Right!!?! Any of those alone would cause a person to snap!

Wench: Axel isn't a good guy, and he's not even a flawed hero.  He's an outright asshole.  He acts completely out of jealousy, marries a woman simply because he'd been envious of her and Tom's previous relationship but now Tom wasn't in his way, cheats on her despite them having a son together, and is controlling and possessive to a dangerous level at all times.

Jezebel: 100% agree with it all!

Wench: Actually, I just realized a thing.  If you take this story.  And put it in slightly different terms.  You get:

There's a group of friends.  This group includes Friend 1, who is in a relationship with Friend 2, and Friend 3.  Friend 3 is jealous of the relationship between Friend 1 and 2.

Through some combination of Friend 3's actions and an external entity, Friend 1 is removed from the equation.

Friend 3 uses this as an opportunity to fulfill the jealousy and start a relationship with Friend 2

Friend 1, meanwhile, gets incarcerated somewhere for a great many years, with better or worse periods of sanity/lucidity, before getting out and going back to hometown

Friend 2 and Friend 3's relationship has soured, since the jealousy didn't last past the initial pursuit success

Friend 1 slowly but surely takes revenge against various people in hometown

And that’s the story of The Count of Monte Cristo.

Jezebel: Ooh!  I gotta say, I was so lost at first.

Wench: The point is: The Count is the protagonist of the story, and, while he’s not a pure “good guy,” he’s definitely the best of the initial characters (e.g. pre-Chateau D’If).  So, yeah, the terms change a bit with the many murders of this film, as well as the fact that not everyone harmed by Tom was problematic, but, in terms solely of character archetypes, plotlines, etc… Tom is “the good guy” of the story.  And he got, as you put it, the short end of the stick for the entire plot.  He deserved to not have it happen again, instead of having the blame of the entire town actually portrayed as “deserved.”

Jezebel: Side-tracking a bit because: Another thing is it, would have been better to have the killer actually be Axel or one of the older men, or even the girl.  Or the other cop.  It being Tom just 😮‍💨😮‍💨 it but a bad taste in my mouth (I think I already said this lol but it did).  But also it being Tom would have had a poeticness about it under different circumstances, if he wasn’t already painted as h the villain.  Like, maybe axel thought it was him but the rest of the town was like “tommy?! Our boy!? Nooooo way”  Then it being him would have been like “TOMMY?! NO WAY!! MY BOY!”

Wench: Yeah, that’s fair… When I first watched the film, I knew they were going to make Tom the bad guy ahead of time, but I still wanted him to be right that it was Axel instead.  Anything else to add?

Jezebel: Nope!  Just that it was a’ight!  And Ackles was *chef’s kiss* as always

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

Self harm, press the bruise, flooding, autism trigger tantrum, raw raw raw irritable scream fight wreck run away fuck it leave.

In theory, I like the idea of housesitting: an enforced staycation in a new environment where I can't smoke, can't fuck around because I'm on camera; I don't spend money because I'm not going places, just eating my prepped meals and some of their bougie food that I've always enjoyed. The dog walking needs force me outside a couple times a day, his schedule keeps me up early and to bed early: it's simple living! An awesome stretch of time to do deep work like readmits, or write some letters, or digitize my CDs, or this time I planned to finally do my taxes!

I want to kill this dog. Maybe it's the nicotine withdrawal, maybe it's the irritation of being out of my routine and feeling watched and not being able to dance or read my fanfic or leave whenever I want.. but every time he breaks the silence with a loud, painfully piercing series of barks at nothing, I want to scream (but can't, because I'm on camera). The sound of him constantly, disgustingly, unceasingly licking himself makes me want to throw him. He cannot focus on walks, but weaves back and forth on the path, stops to smell everything, backtracks, suddenly runs and then stops and weaves s'more and then loses. his. shit. every time another human or god forbid a dog nears us. He growls and rushes toward children. I fucking hate picking up his poop, my god ugh ew blech. And then it's cold and windy and I'm antsy and he doesn't respond when I call him so I'm tugging as gently as I can but it tugs his throat and he digs his feet in and coughs but refuses to follow and I hate hate hate him. God and then bedtime, where he gets into bed with me and wants to plant his awful, smelly, matted body UNDER THE BLANKETS right by my fucking face and I'm so filled with disgust because I've seen the way he still has remnants of shit on his ass and there's visible grit and stains on the white bedspread from his body and I'm all nausea and rage.

So that's been a hard time for me. Last time I was here, I accidentally taught him a game with one of his toys and now he whines whines whines at me to play when I'm trying to focus on my deep tasks. He doesn't stop, not when ignored or told no, just whines whines whines right at my fucking face, jumping up on me if I ignore him too long.

I don't like thinking of myself as not-an-animal-person because I loved BabyCat but honestly I'm often so fucking disgusted and do not want to interact at all. I love pictures of pets, stories of pets, but I do not want physical interaction at all. Virtual only please.

So anyway I have not done my taxes. I've barely worked. I certainly haven't written any letters. I did digitize all my old CDs and emotionally wrecked myself reliving 2012-2020, and then as a palate cleanser I made a playlist of my mp3 players from 2008-2012 and honestly that sucked too. I feel gross. I hate remembering, especially the visceral memories that turn my marrow to tar and leave me in the fetal position.

I did finish an audiobook and did a bunch of sudoku, only fucking up a few, and I'm disappointed by how much I did not care for the book, bc now what am I going to say? "Thank you for recommending this book, I had no idea it was a series, I barely slogged my way through the first, but I read the Wiki articles for the last two! They seem fine."

I just feel like an asshole. I feel like a classic villain: hates dogs, hates stories, not good with kids, not good at work - ignoring emails and missing deadlines and just sucking.

Oh God and the whole fuckin debacle of finding out my exex hates my ex and wondering wtf I did wrong to have all my people hating each other. I talk so much shit on people and tell such one-dimensional stories that nobody loves anybody; for having my love language apparently be words of affirmation, I am so toxic and talk so much shit that no one understands why I love anyone. I'm a mess. I feel like a trash person.

And now the fucking dog is whining at me. I will not pet or cuddle it. It has food and water, we walked 90 minutes ago, I'm not fucking playing. I cannot wait to leave. Maybe I'll leave the house and smoke another cigarette. I'm fucking losing it.

[bylightofdawn]

So when I was picking Genji up at the vet they told me they wanted him to eat this special I guess soothing to the tummy veterinary food which they legit charge med 3+ DOLLARS a tiny ass can.

Is this shithead cat eating this food even when I force an appetite-stimulating medicine down his throat every night?

NO because he is a shithead. So I've started to wean him onto his regular wet food which he is scarfing up like crazy so I know it's not that his upper respiratory system is making it so he can't smell his food. He's just being an asshole.

Thankfully, he's back to eating and drinking regularly so I'm not going to waste anymore of these cans on him and will possibly see if I can return it to the vet on Monday.

Poor thing is still congested though, I can hear it in his breathing and he's still coughing but it's not the awful, retching cough/gagging that set this whole thing off. I've got a medicine I have to force down his throat at night for that so hopefully, that clears it up soon.

I think his laryngitis is still going on because he keeps trying to meow at me but nothing is coming out so it's either super quiet or he just has no voice whatsoever.

He's definitely on the mend but not there yet which sucks because I want him to spring back from this quickly so I don't have to worry about him backsliding again.

I also think he got this URI from one of the kittens, this one doesn't try and come in except when it's super cold but I did let him in a few times the past few weeks. The problem lies with his sibling who INSISTS on coming in to greet Genji every time I open the door to feed them at night.

She like, slips between my legs, makes a beeline to him and immediately starts rubbing on him being very cute and affectionate.

But if they are going to get him sick again, I really don't want to risk him getting infected again even though she isn't sneezing or showing any signs of being sick. I think she would make an excellent indoor cat and have been debating just keeping her as a companion for Genji but that's twice the cost for food, twice the vet insurance etc. etc. I also would feel bad about separating her from her brother but Genji doesn't like him to be honest and picks on him whenever he is inside. Of course, this is assuming they are not FLV/FIV positive since they are feral kittens. Cause I am not going to risk Genji since he is negative for those. Which requires more money etc. etc.

I wish I could trust my local animal shelter to not potentially put them down, they claim they are no kill except for 'extenuating circumstances' but I've heard some very sketchy things about them. They are definitely old enough to be adopted out so I might try and find the nearest no-kill shelter and see if they have room.

The other option is to get them fixed and let them fold into the feral colony I have in my back yard, but again don't know how to keep the female from sneaking into my apartment every time I open the door. There is apparently a low-cost spay-neuter program/offers low-cost vaccines and testing in Boerne which is about 50 miles away which I think doesn't require local residency. There's programs in San Antonio but I'm not in the city and all my local shelter will do is TNR which is great but I don't think they do any other vaccines but rabies and certainly don't offer testing to my knowledge. I think I'll call them on Monday and see if they have something for barn/porch cats that aren't fully feral. They need to be fixed either way and are definitely now old enough to do that. And if the black and white one is a female she needs to be get fixed asap since I think they're around 3-4 months at this point. I'd been planning taking them to a local mobile vet to get vaccinated this month and tested for FIV but Genji's whole medical emergency has kinda ruined those plans. I could put it on a different credit card I guess? Blech

[woodelf68]

Yeah, things were made to look nice in those days, and it's great that you were able to re-purpose it. My mom brought home her parents' old radio when her mom died and she and my dad cleared out her house. (SO much regret that I was still a kid in school at the time and didn't get to take part, apparently it was full of the sort of stuff I would have loved but my mom just left there for the next owner because she liked modern things. *Cries*) I remember plugging it in and turning it on once in my late teens or early 20s and hearing a lot of static from the pre-set radio buttons; I don't remember being able to tune anything in but I'm not sure. Anyway it currently lives in what mostly became a storage room (with my computer desk tucked into a free corner), so I decided to check it out again and pulled it away from the wall, looking for the cord, feeling blindly for it because there's no light over there and there's nothing but gloomy gray overcast skies outside and...

AHHHH YUCK BLECH COBWEBS THICK DENSE COBWEBS ICK ICK ICK

Well that was unpleasant, and sadly the cord looks like it has been chewed by spiders as well. I've never seen any mice indoors, at least. All the rubber coating the wires might have dried out and cracked because it's right under a heat vent, but there's a fabric covered bit which looks chewed too, and I quite frankly don't think it's a good (as in safe) idea to try to plug it in. Very disappointed by this, and chagrined to see four spots on the top where the finish is badly marred (I cleared the top off for the photo, but usually there's stuff sitting on top of it and I assume something accidentally scraped through the finish at some point because I do not remember those. Bummer. That is not going to help its resell value. (Would love to keep it, but we're not going to be able to stay in this house much longer and won't be able to take much to a small apartment.) It's a lovely piece, though.

Radio used to be Big

Today the christmas tree came down, and an awful lot of sweeping, dusting, and vacuuming ensued. Hopefully I'll be able to find some just-a-certain-size wood down at Home Farm and put up cat shelves in the corner, now.

@woodelf68 this is the radio cabinet that my grandfather used. Don't know how old it is exactly, but my mother remembers it from their living room in the 1940s. It's a little beaten up around the edges, but still nice.

[bug-eyed-bum1234]

🫶Klitz with a K & Candy Necklaces// Klitz x !Fem reader🫶

CW: Mature themes!

Neck kissing, single cvm mention, sexy costumes mentioned, boobs, the ass word. Alcohol mentioned, skinny dipping mention. No full on smut.

Summary: You are at a halloween party when a boy catches your eye, you get to talking and start craving candy, especially the candy wrapped around his neck. Your cravings make him crave something more...

This is my first Klitz fic! Enjoy! <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party was obnoxious. Music blaring, the self proclaimed "Alpha Males" chugging beer, spiked punch, and taking bodyshots off of the number of wasted skinnydippers. You honestly wouldn't have been there if it weren't for Danielle wanting you to meet her new neighbor/boytoy/guy she can make strip in the middle of the street.

Ok that was a lie. It was also a costume party, and this year you decided "fuck it, senior year in highschool. I deserve to be sexy this Halloween". So that's exactly what you decided to be.

You chose the popular character Ghostface as the victim of your Whoreificationᵗᵐ. Complete with black stilettos, fishnets, a mini-skirt, a cute, lowcut crop top, and the mask attached at your hip for easy access. The whole nine yards.

Sitting next to Danielle on the couch, sipping on something sweet, pink, and sparkly, that you had taken from her, knowing she doesnt drink. Although you wanted to have fun this year, you still weren't the drinking type. Your eyes sifted through the crowd, seeing the same few costumes one after the other. Cat...devil.......bunny.......cat......ghostbuster...?

Your eyes landed on a lanky boy with a brown overgrown bowlcut, a pair of ovel silver glasses, and a khaki jumpsuit that seemed one size too small. He was clearly new to highschool parties according to his nervous demeanor. You recognized him as the kid that sits behind you in english, right next to someone named Matt that seemed to be his friend. You had been eyeing him up in class for a while, but this was practically like handing him to you on a silver platter.

"Hey Danielle, i'll be back." You mumbled, not even looking back as your pink stained lips tugged to a smirk. Candy wrappers crunched under your feet as you walked to him. "Hey, Ghostbusters right?" You pepped, eyebrow cocked. "Oh uh, yeah. Thanks" He spat out, looking over the tops of peoples heads. He couldn't look in your eyes if his life depended on it, however, he didn't want to look down at all. Because of your hight difference, looking down gave him a pretty clear view of your cleavage. "Hey..I recognize you. You have Mr.Garrison in third period right? You sit behind me!" You smiled, tapping at the air inquisitively. "Oh yeah. Yeah I sit behind you." He started to loosen up as you chatted about class and how boring it is. You felt a wave of confidence suddenly, so you had go do something about it.

"I've actually really been wanting to get to know you more!" You said, bubbly as can be. You tugged on his jumpsuit, indicating for him to follow you to the couch. While you were gone, the couch had filled up. Perfect. You sat him down then carefully flopped down horizontally on his lap, your elbows resting against the armrest of the couch.

"So, Mr.Ghostbuster. I dont think I got your name." You shifted in his lap, brushing up against him, fauxfully coy.

"Klitz." He said quickly, not wanting to make a peep from the friction you were causing.

"Your name is Klitz?"

"With a K"

"Well, Klitz with a K, I really like your costume. Its much better than all the copy-paste sexy firefighters and police officers that all the other guys are wearing" You roll your eyes, sticking your tongue out with a 'blech' sound. "Im honestly suprised youre here. You don't seem like the party type, but you sure to seem like mine!" You tease, letting the feeling of your ego and his erection against your clothed thighs get to you. He freezes up, letting out a small sound that got whisked away in the sound of yelling. His face got even hotter as you started to trace your finger along the candy necklace adorning his neck.

"You're the one I keep hearing about with the good grades. The teacher keeps raving about you. Thinking about applying for a good college?" You ask, staring daggers into his foresty eyes. "I actually have a scholarship for Yale. So.." He trailed off shakily as you cut in. "Wow! Yale huh! And you already got a scholarship? You must be really smart. Thats very admirable Klitz." You praised him on and on like it was a TEDtalk speech. "Thank you. Really, thank you. You're a pretty good student too. You actually laugh at his dumb jokes which is nice." He adds, finally letting go a little bit, stomach still doing flips. You sipped your drink, purposefully letting some spill down your lips and onto your chin. You wiped your chin with your thumb before licking the sweetness off, lust flooding your eyes as you stared into his.

Once again, your hand came up to tangle in the candy necklace on his neck. Greed overtook you and you asked him one question that changed his whole night.

"Can I have some?"

Without thinking, he said yes. He started taking off the necklace before he felt your hand hit his lightly. "Nuh-uh. Could you keep it on for me?" You toyed. He couldn't help but oblige. He has been crushing on you since the beginning of junior year and now he has you in his lap, asking to eat candy off his neck. Of course hes going to snatch up that opportunity.

You went from laying on his lap horizontally, to straddling him, one hand on the back of the couch stabilizing yourself, the other creeping up the nape of his neck before lightly pulling his hair, giving you full access to the candy. You breathed down the front of his neck, his adam's apple bobbing from anticipation. You slowly licked across a few of the candies. Then bit down on one, nipping his skin a little in the process, causing his mouth to gape. His fingers dug into your lower back unconsciously. As you ate a few more pieces of the necklace, you not only felt his erection creep back, but the slight rutting of his hips up into you. Already close to the edge. You decided that this was a good sign. You still asked "May I kiss your neck Klitz? Properly this time?". He nodded quickly, too breathless to even say a quick "yes".

You sank back into him, kissing him feverishly. Sucking at his supple skin, salty from the warmth of the room. You didnt care though, he tasted so sweet to you. You made harsh marks, then quickly easing them with your tongue. You marked up his neck, to his soft jawline then stopped at his lips.

"May I?" You whispered. He answered you with a deep kiss, his big hands pulling your face to his, then tucking your hair out of the way.

You did the same, lightly resting your hand on his cheek, when you felt a slight wetness touch your palm. He was so overwhelmed with everything. Your teasing. Your praise. Your mouth. Tears sprung to his eyes as he whined into your mouth, tongues intertwined. The grip on your back went even lower, now gripping at your ass, his knuckles turning white. His hips bucked beneath you one last (very sloppy) time. He pulled away from the kiss quickly, gasping for air. He coughed out a whimper, then came to his senses.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Shit. I am so sorry. Im so so sorry that was wrong of me. I didnt mean for that to happen. This was just new and different, I havent felt that before and. Shit this isnt making anything better." He rambled mindlessly into his hands, hiding his face, wishing he could just dissolve into the couch. He just came in his boxers and his dorky Ghostbusters costume because a girl kissed him. He would have kept on apologizing if he didnt feel a marker writing agaisnt his collarbone.

"What are you doing?"

"Signing my masterpiece, along with my number." You said, eyelashes batting as you made a show of putting the cap back on the pen. You buttoned up his collar all the way, hiding the marks you left, not telling him about the sparkly lipgloss on his cheek. "Go find your buddies. Im sure they are looking for you!" You said, helping him up from the couch and offering him a cup of ice water.

"Thank you. That was...wow." He says, a cheesy grin plastered across his face. You trailed one hand up his arm and draped it over his neck, twirling his cute brown hair. "I'll be expecting a call soon Klitz with a K." You said before kissing him on the cheek and heading off to find Danielle to tell her all about the boy you just made out with.

He sat for a little longer, still dazed, trying to comprehend what just happened. His friends, Matt and Eli found him grinning on the couch, leg crossed over, drink in hand.

"Woah Klitz, what happened to you? Why are you so happy? DIDYOUGETLAID??" Eli said, pervy as always.

"Dude, you cant just ask that. Whatever it is, im sure he will tell us when hes comfortable." Matt replied, trying to take the stress off his friend.

They walked to Klitz's car, Eli called shotgun.

Eli looked over, his eyes widened with his usual curious spark.

"So, are we just to assume you applied lipgloss to your cheek and lips this morning?"

"Oh shut up."

AN: I had so much fun writing this!! It really was a blast. This boy has been plaguing my mind for so long now. Sorry for any grammar mistakes! <33

[luvholicz]

pairing. wayv’s dong sicheng x gn! reader

genre + wc. timestamp, best friends to lovers(ish), fluff, angst at the end + 1.2k

warnings. none, however sicheng is Really whipped its kinda gross blech

notes. reposted from my old blog!! this is one of my fave pieces to date so i hope u enjoy ^.^

reblogs are greatly appreciated!

'i'm beat,' sicheng thinks upon carelessly tossing his dirty old gym bag on the ground. his movements are heavy and sluggish, a fatigued expression present on his handsome features. the contents of his bag spill out, but sicheng can't find it in himself to bend down and fix it.

the poor boy looks less than pitiful in this moment. having forgotten to pack an umbrella this morning, his clothes stick to his body like a second skin. he peels off the damp clothing with a grimace, wincing when the discarded fabric lands on his bedroom floor with a resounding 'plop!'

sicheng is all but ready to settle in bed and get some well-deserved rest, but just as he pulls on his favorite pair of pajamas and tucks himself in, his phone rings.

"hello?" he answers wearily, not even bothering to check who had decided to call him. the only thing on his mind is the sweet temptation that is sleep.

"hi, sicheng!"your chipper voice replies. the boy winces at how enthusiastic and happy you sound, despite it being 7 p.m on a wednesday night. he wonders how you can keep your energy levels so high; he'd have to take a few notes.

"oh, hi (name)," it wasn't unusual for you to call sicheng (he practically expected you to), although it was quite unconventional; you two lived just across the street from each other.

he still didn't quite understand why you insisted on calling him every night just before dinner, but over the years he's learned that it's better to leave some things unquestioned. that, and because he liked it when you took the time out of your day to speak to him.

"how was your day today?" he asks, a hint of interest lacing his usually monotone voice.

"oh! well, today was actually pretty fun! me and donghyuck actually ended up in detention today because..." you begin. sicheng listens as you tell him about the happenings of your day, from the positives to your daily frustrations.

although he wouldn't admit it, he treasures these moments most. the moments where you speak about anything and everything and he just listens, humming or letting out a small "really, they said that?" to show that he was somewhat invested.

there have been times when you'd pout at sicheng and accuse him of never listening to what you say, claiming that you'd often hear him snoring while you ranted. sicheng would just chuckle and shake his head, not denying but not confirming your suspicions either.

in his heart, no matter how many times he may have accidentally fallen asleep to your voice, he knows that he'd never intentionally tune you out. you're too special to him for that.

you were his first long-term friend, hell, why should he put it lightly? you were his first ever friend.

when the other kids refused to play with him, calling him sickly and weak and slow and all the things that damaged his self-confidence, you stuck by his side. you took his hand with the friendliest smile he had ever seen and you made him feel like he belonged. you didn't tip-toe around topics, you didn't hesitate to call people out on their bullshit. you were confident and strong, and sicheng liked that about you.

and while he wouldn't necessarily say he was in love, he felt strongly about you. the way your easy-going smile would morph into a look of defiance and mischief once provoked was enough for his heart to start beating erratically in his chest. how you'd hold his hand absentmindedly when you two would be caught in a crowd, how your eyes shone like the stars when you'd laugh at a stupid joke donghyuck or johnny would make, the furrow of your brows when you were deep in thought, the childish lilt in your voice when you'd tease poor jaehyun on the rare occasion that he was flustered. sicheng felt strongly about it all.

"sicheng? are you still there? you've gone awfully quiet," you trail off from your story about how jeno had gotten one of renjun and donghyuck's arguments on tape.

"what? oh yeah, just thinking about some things," his voice tapers off at the end of his sentence. he can hear a faint hum of concern from your end, as well as the sound of rustling sheets.

"what kind of things?" you ask softly.

sicheng hums, repositioning himself and resting his chin on his arm. "nice things,"

"you're a shit conversationalist, you know that?" an exasperated sigh crackles through the crappy speakers of sicheng's phone.

he chuckles, a pleasant, low sound that comes deep from his chest. "so i've been told," he says, voice barely above a whisper.

for a moment, silence fills the air. the tired boy closes his eyes and listens to the soft hum of your air conditioning.

"your grandma told me about how you forgot your umbrella this morning," sicheng can envision the small pout on your lips, the same one you always wear when you scold him.

"is that so?" he doesn't bother suppressing a smile.

"yeah, she did," you sigh. sicheng hears more rustling, this time accompanied by a soft grunt. "you should stop overworking yourself. i don't know why you feel the need to keep tiring yourself out to the point where you can barely remember to eat breakfast. don't do that to yourself!"

"i know, i'm sorry," he apologizes. he's noticed you have a wonderful knack for encouraging and reassuring people. he loves that about you.

"yeah, you better be..." and once more, it's silent between you two. sicheng doesn't really mind; it's the kind of silence like in those cheesy romance books, the comfortable one where neither of you have to worry about filling the gap. it's nice, he thinks.

just as sicheng begins to nod off to sleep, he hears the muffled call of your name, presumably from your mother.

"oh, i have to go now," sicheng shakes the temptation of sleep away from his mind and feels the familiar dread that always came when you'd tell him you needed to go. "i'll see you tomorrow at school, yeah? and don't forget to eat dinner and shower tonight! your grandma's really worried about you!"

a plethora of reassurances leave sicheng's mouth as you list the things he needs to do. the boy is hardly able to quell the urge to roll his eyes. "i know, i know! don't worry so much about me, i can take care of myself!"

an indignant huff sounds from your end of the line, but softens into a relenting sigh. "i know sicheng, but you can't blame me! you're my best friend, i have a right to worry about you!"

he feels a strange stirring in his heart at your words, but he chooses to ignore it. "i know. i'll try my best to take better care of myself, so don't worry so much about me, okay?"

the line goes silent for a second. "okay,"

"okay," he closes his eyes once more, chewing on the soft flesh of his lower lip. "and (name)?"

"yeah, sicheng?"

sicheng hesitates for a second too long, for as soon as the words "i think i'm in love with you," leave his lips,

the call had already ended.

[actuallykiwi]

Yeah, so no one is ever gonna send in asks, so imma do this cause I love these. Bite me

S I G H T

1. Baby blue/periwinkle, yellow, and pink (in that order)

2. Olive and army green. Blech

3. Yes, I've worn glasses since 6th grade

4. Nope

5. My phone? Tumblr? Stuff and things

S O U N D

6. Imagine Dragons, Lindsey Stirling, Hozier, For King & Country, anything electronic and I'm a sucker for cinematic soundtracks

7. OOF, umm.... My favorite song is Walking the Wire-Imagine Dragons, then Headphones-Britt Nicole, Wasteland Baby!-Hozier, Walking on Sunshine-Katrina & the Waves, and Home-Philip Philips

8. Don't quite understand the question, but anything electronic, whether original song, remix, etc., but I adore mashups as well (if that counts)

9. A good thunderstorm, keyboard typing (odd, right?), ocean waves, forest sounds, and children laughter (especially babies UGH)

10. *EDITED BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT SAID WEARING PFFFT* My ceiling fan, can't sleep without it

S M E L L

11. I can be, but due to getting a stuffy nose a lot, I tend to take great big whiffs when I smell something, so it can be harsh at times. (Especially with a gassy bf)

12. Lemon, coconut, strawberry, vanilla, and gasoline. Hoooo yeah boi, I could get high from that smell

13. Do not care for it. Makes my eyes water

14. As of right now, honey. My other conditioner smells like roses

15. LOVE perfume. I don't put layers of it on though, unless it's just not strong. I have one bottle that isn't very strong, and one that two small sprits does the trick

T A S T E

16. Strawberries and watermelon. Grapes are okay too

17. Tough tie between sweet tea and Code Red Mountain Dew

18. THOSE STUPID BEAN-BOOZLED JELLY BEANS. ESPECIALLY THE FREAKING BABY WIPES FLAVOR, IT IS HORRID

19. LOL I have stories. My northerner friends got me to try peanut butter sandwiches dipped in chili. It's.. not horrible, tbh. But I don't regularly do that, so. BUT whats really good is some French fries dipped in vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. MM LAWD YES

20. Peppermint and spearmint.

T O U C H

21. It depends how uncomfortable it is. Most of the time, no

22. Chalkboards. I cannot write on them or brush my hand across them. Also cannot handle stickiness or a lot of gel-like substances. "Sticky and wet makes mommy upset" -Mrs. Benson, iCarly

23. HAHA NOPE

24. Gosh I've had so many. Uhhh, probably my current ravenclaw sweatpants. And I used to have a pink fuzzy north face jacket, and I attracted crowds with how soft that thing was.

25. HECK YES I GIVE REAL HUGS, NOT THAT "PAT PAT" BUSINESS!! YOU WANT YOUR BACK POPPED?? GET OVER HERE, BRO I GOTCHU

O T H E R

26. I do actually! I have this keen awareness of when people are upset, even when they don't show it. Body language, slight change of voice, I can catch anything that seems off about someone. I've been told this looooong before I ever self-proclaimed it. I've been a slight therapist to people that noticed me noticing.

27. Not really? But I have dejavu a LOT. I think my parallel universe self and I are close.

28. Only in fortune cookies. Honestly don't remember most of them, but my sister predicted my birth?? So that's cool?

29. Not really, but even though my sister is 7 years older than me, we have a twin-like mindset. We know exactly what the other is feeling and, yes, complete each other's thoughts and sentences. We've been told it's terrifying.

30. Yes, twice. Not trying to force religion down anyone's throat, but they were both at church. Years ago, I actually saw a woman toss her walker to the floor and start dancing after years of struggling with major arthritis (?) and other body pains. And the other was just a couple years ago: a man that spent most of his life blind got his vision back after his wife passed away from cancer. And I know plenty of people that have recovered from that.

So that's that! If you read all that, thank you, and I promise to read yours if you share as well. :)

[stressedspidergirlsfandomblog]

Pt17

(Conversations around consent, sexual activity, and descriptions of torture and attempted suicide. I will put a little - before a paragraph with torture/assault and another - when its over. May or may not also include implied consensual activity. We'll see where this goes.)

Curtis wakes up to soft little regular whimper-moans from behind him. Unsure if his lover is dreaming of torture, or if it's a happy kind of dream, he shifts back a bit, pressing into Takashi to check. Smiling a little in relief it's definitely not torture. Sighing a little, he's awake now. And hungry. They didn't eat dinner last night. They'd gone to bed. Worth the missed meal in Curtis' opinion. However, he's ravenous.

Digging through the cupboards he finds oatmeal, spices, and dried fruit. Surprised to find so many seasonings in the cabinets of a man who rarely cooks, Curtis wonders if it's a holdover from living with Adam. Especially considering Takashi doesn't even buy himself proper self grooming products. Probably just habit to keep the spices around.

The fridge has a few flavors of almond milk. Some non dairy creamers, and not much else in it. Overall the food choices are somewhat depressing. There's more in the freezer, thankfully. Frozen meat, vegetables, and fruit. Shaking his head a little, he sighs.

But another look through the pantry shows plenty of rice, beans, potatoes...cereal. He's feeding himself.

Finding a flat pan, he starts some of the last of the bacon. Whisks some eggs in a bowl. And adds vanilla almond milk to the oatmeal with cinnamon, nutmeg, and fruit. It can sit until Takashi wakes up.

Curtis likes the simple ritual of preparing food. He doesn't mind doing this. Although once they live together he figures if he cooks, Takashi can do the shopping. He usually already does the cleaning up.

Some time later he hears a weird noise somewhere between "blech" and "ugh" accompanied by soft but vehement cursing.

"You okay?" Curtis calls when the swearing doesn't stop but he hears water running. "Did your dream not have a happy ending?" He asks, heading into the bedroom.

"If you can call it that," Shiro snaps back, voice cracking.

Takashi is naked from the waist down and he throws the washcloth into the sink as Curtis comes in. His face is red and his eyes are full of tears.

"What's wrong? You okay?"

"I don't know."

"What happened?" He gently thumbs a tear off Takashi's cheek.

"I don't know. My body never did this. I was, I was finally feeling like I was in my own skin and then this happens!"

"What, as a teen you didn't get wet dreams? God you were lucky." Stroking back Takashi's hair he gently kisses his cheek.

"I didn't even know this was possible," he protests.

"It is," Curtis assures him. "It happens. Not super common, I don't think. But yeah. It's normal."

"Not for me," Shiro protests. "Maybe the clone?"

"You had his memories and he thought he was you, right? Do you remember that happening?"

"No."

"This makes sense to me, love, I'm sorry. It's been years, right? And you have been so stressed, and so anxious, and so sick... You got a little last night... And your body wants more. Is that so awful? Years and years without any.... What'd you dream about anyway?"

Shiro turns red again, scar livid across his face. "You." He swallows. "Us."

"Oh yeah? You wanna tell me what we did that rocked your world so hard it made you come in your sleep?"

Ducking his head down, the tips of his ears are red, too. His silvery hair just makes the blush look even brighter.

"Is it embarrassing?" Curtis asks gently. "Or are you just shy about this stuff?"

"I never really talked about it with anyone. My family was.... Traditional. It was really hard to get used to the idea I liked guys at all. Adam... Had to be patient for a long time. I came out because of him. I admitted to myself... Who I was. I get to be with you because of that," he says softly. "But ... I'm not as... Blase about it as you."

"Am I allowed to ask you about it? Or tease you if it's just us? Will you be okay talking about stuff? 'Cause I'm... I'm not comfortable sleeping with you until we hash out do's and dont's." He meets Takashi's eyes. "I can wait. It's no rush. Nothing like that."

"We can talk about it," Shiro mumbles, leaning into Curtis. "I was dreaming about...us. You were um, your mouth...I think that time we talked about it has been in the back of my head this whole time."

Curtis smiles and kisses his temple. "The real thing will be a lot better," he promises. "Put some pants on, breakfast is almost ready." He slips away to make sure nothing's burning and to heat the oatmeal mix.

Shiro comes out in different sweats, still embarrassed. Still he's done worse in front of Curtis. Such as thrown up on himself in his sleep back on the Atlas. One of the first nights Curtis started checking on him. He hadn't even really woken up, either. Curtis had had to help him clean up. Change the sheets. He'd brought tea to help with his stomach. And never said a word to anyone about it. Not once.

They eat relatively quietly, seated at the counter with their knees touching.

"What time is it anyway?" Curtis mumbles, mostly to himself. Glancing at his watch he blinks. "We woke up early."

"Hm?"

"Its 0600. I usually get up closer to 0700. Guess I have time to lie around." He smiles a little.

"What'd'ya want me to pick up at the store?" Shiro mumbles. Already trying to decide on what kind of grooming products he needs. He knows most of Curtis' favorite snacks already. The man has a sweet tooth.

"Something not frozen or dried...how long am I staying?"

Turning red he shrugs. "We haven't really had a chance to talk and I don't want to do that before work if that's okay."

"Fine by me," Curtis agrees.

Done with his food he hops up, taking the now empty dishes and heading to the sink. He cleans up automatically, glad to have something to do. For all it's a hair harder with just one hand. He has to set the dish down to swab it out. Then he loads them into the dishwasher.

Curtis contentedly watches him move around the kitchen. They've only been together a few months as a couple now. But this feels right. He loves this man. Scars and all. And he knows Takashi feels the same way. After all he's been through, it's nice to let himself again. It's nice to be loved. It's nice to know the person he's letting himself be with is worthy of it. After his partner had died, Curtis had had a string of one offs and bad decisions. And he'd treated them and himself like trash.

One of the absolute best things about Takashi is that he makes Curtis feel so loved. So wanted. So incredibly safe and special and like he matters more than anything else in the world. Takashi has this special way of focusing on him that makes him feel like he's the only other person in the world.

"If I go in early I can leave early," Curtis says, and Takashi nods a little. "Gives us more time tonight?"

"Yeah. Sounds good." He smiles a little.

It seems a little forced but they've been through a lot. "Hey how's your back feeling?"

Blinking in surprise, he stretches a little, his hand on the small of his back. "Good."

"Lemme feel," Curtis smiles. When Takashi comes around the counter and leans over to present as much of his back as possible to his partner.

"Hey look, still not purple," Curtis teases, running his fingertips up and down Takashi's back. He laughs when Takashi arches under his touch, just like a cat. "I love you so much," he says affectionately.

"I love you, too. Please don't stop," he adds.

"Well. I will have to eventually. I can't be late." But all the same he scratches up and down his partner's back. He enjoys the way Takashi shifts under his hand. Deciding that both hands might be best in this situation he shifts on the stool to make it easier to give scratches.

Eventually it's time to go. They kiss goodbye and head out together, but part ways outside the building.

Shiro sends Keith a message.

Stuck going to the store. You need anything?

0645

Probably should grab some basics. Meet you at the store?

0647

Sounds good. No plants.

0648

Mom says you should bring 'your mate' a gift. Yes plants. Apparently. Or the skulls of your enemies. But that seems excessive.

0650

That would not match his decor, no.

0650

See you in 10.

0651

Keith finds Shiro in the personal grooming section of the store.

He looks up when he notices the Red Paladin. "Curtis also has a problem with my taste in body wash."

"I see."

"Problem is I have no idea what to pick," Shiro shrugs.

Keith peers over in the basket. It looks like Shiro has managed to pick up fruit, vegetables, and some kind of meat in the time it took him to wait for a train to pass. "Sorry I'm late, by the way."

"Stuck at the tracks?"

"Yeah. Slowest train I've ever seen. Couldn't have been going much over 80."

"Disappointing."

"Seems like you're mostly done."

"Still need snacks. And candy of some kind. Curtis is an addict."

"Where's your protein crap you always used to get?"

"I always hated it. And medical says I'm healthy now... So. I didn't buy any."

Keith looks over at Shiro and notices some things that disturb him. For one, every time he reaches out to maybe pick a bottle, there's some kind of tremor in his hand. Two, he's sweating and the store is chilly. Three, he's a little flushed. Four, his eyes seem glassy. Getting in closer, he lightly squeezes Shiro's shoulder and hides his expression. Shirt is damp. He's been distressed for a while.

"What about pine? You always had some weird thing for forest scented crap."

"No, that was Adam. I was the one who liked spearmint and wintergreen."

"So why did you always smell like-.... ? Ah."

Shiro turns red. "I know Curtis likes cinnamon. But I don't see that here."

"There's stuff that's kinda minty," Keith points out. "You can buy whatever you want." Personally he thinks having to change your scent to please your partner is ridiculous. Probably why he's not much for dating. "See this one?" He cracks the lid to sniff and then hands it over, watching Shiro's hand like a hawk.

The shaking is still there. He's still beading sweat around his hairline and his hair is starting to stick to his face.

"That's kind of the problem," Shiro mutters, sniffing the bottle. It smells nice. Shampoo. Okay. So now just body wash. Maybe something for dry skin? He's been itchy lately and Curtis is probably right. He's probably drying his skin out. He can take care of himself a little better for Curtis. "Is there matching body wash?" He asks, trying to read labels without giving away the entire aisle is swimming. He's so stressed out. Which is how he ended up just grabbing a random bottle and bailing the first time around.

Keith looks at him and back at the shelf quizzically before picking it up from right in front of Shiro and handing it to him. "Says ultra cleansing. Isn't that code for: will dry your skin out?"

"Oh. Maybe I should pick something else."

Unsure of what to make of this, he shrugs. "You could just get the same brand you used to, and pick a different scent."

Shiro shifts uncomfortably. "I can't remember what it was," he admits. "I'm missing a lot here and there," he tugs absently on his bangs. Remembering how his skull had been cracked open.

"It's this stuff in the red bottles. It's got some stupid names, though." He tries to keep his expression neutral. He knew Shiro had issues remembering everything that happened while he was enslaved as a gladiator. He had no idea Shiro had also lost any time before then.

"Whatever's there is fine."

"Maybe Lance would be more helpful," Keith suggests. Then they both look at each other and laugh. "Okay so definitely not. But hey there's only four options, so."

They test out each bottle, Shiro hates the first. Keith the second. The third and fourth take a while to decide between. Shiro just picks up the matching shampoo and dumps it in.

"Do you think I need more clothes?" He asks hesitantly.

Keith kind of stares. "Judging by your apartment? Probably." Watching Shiro looking over at something on the other end of the men's care aisle, he realizes he doesn't want to help shop for the next thing. "What kind of candy? I'll grab that while you finish up here."

Realizing Keith figured it out, he turns red. "Uh. He'll eat pretty much anything that isn't black licorice. But he's kinda partial to anything sour and then chocolate with almonds or peanuts."

"Got it."

"Thanks." Shiro wanders down to the other end of the men's aisle. There's an overwhelming amount of things and he's realizing he's not sure if Curtis has preferences. And his personal comm is off at work. And Shiro isn't going to call him about condom brands on a Garrison line. They're all recorded. While he's not sure if it will be days, weeks, or months until they need any supplies he'd rather have them on hand.

Thinking about what he's used before, he doesn't see any familiar packaging and the aisle blurs in and out of his vision for a minute. There, he grabs a few things. He's not into anything all that interesting, and looking at some of the grocery-store approved toys makes him feel uncomfortable. A few things look like something the Galra would have found a way to weaponize and use and while he's sure before all this he would have been game... Now he isn't. He realizes he doesn't even really want Curtis on top of him, either. Or at least, not inside him.

-

He can still feel the blood running down the inside of his thighs. Sometimes just dripping steadily down without touching his body at all. They'd ripped him open in a new way. Trying to find some other way to torture and scare him. He has no idea how they guessed that, or if it was half accidental. They hadn't realized that human joints really weren't that flexible when they broke his elbow. Just testing his limits.

Shuddering he's terrified of the scarring ripping open again. Of just anything tearing into him.

Trying to imagine if he could go down on Curtis his throat tightens and he swallows hard against a gag. What if it feels like the feeding tube they'd forced down his throat? He'd been refusing to eat after. Had tried to hide the bleeding. When it stopped he'd been so depressed he'd given up hope and reopened the wound. Tore skin. Hadn't cared. He'd wanted to bleed to death. They'd stapled the wound shut, drugged him with a paralytic that did nothing about the fact he couldn't sleep, shoved a tube down his throat, and chained him spread eagle so he couldn't move so much as an inch and inflict more damage.

-

Keith finally can't spend more time in candy and goes back to find Shiro. He's worried. He recognizes the stricken look he sees and gently takes Shiro's hand and pulls him away. "You can't get pregnant anyway, you don't need those."

Blinking and coming to, "school really failed you, didn't it?" He asks absently.

"You're cleared of any and all diseases and so's he. Nothing he can give you or vice versa."

"Maybe he doesn't like to swallow," Shiro says conversationally, still shaky. He knows Keith hates when he talks bluntly about this kind of stuff. So it'll stop the conversation in its tracks.

Keith makes a face. "Let's go find you a shirt that isn't black or grey?" He suggests.

"I look good in those colors."

"Yeah Shiro everyone does. What colors does Curtis like?"

Everything, Shiro wants to say. Curtis is full of life and color in spite of everything. "Purple. Galaxy purple like in those hubble telescope photos..." He says softly, thinking of the prints he's seen in Curtis' apartment. "Dark blue..." His bedroom.

"Great. There you go."

"Black and grey used to bring out my eyes..." Shiro teases, fluttering his eyelashes and trying to recover from earlier.

"And match your hair." Keith just shrugs and smiles blandly.

They wander over to the clothing section and browse. Shiro ends up with a simple deep purple henley, a dark navy vneck sweater, and Keith convinces him to try a maroon vneck tee and deep green henley, too. "Add some color old man."

They drop the groceries off, Shiro throws the meat and some seasoning into the crock pot. He can't bake to save his life but he can dump things in a pot and walk away. While he's busy Keith discovers Shiro's battered running shoes. After lecturing the other man about his knees and feet taking unnecessary damage he forces Shiro back out to get new shoes.

Then he drags him to get some nicer towels, a second set of sheets, and some actual jeans, and some nice button ups so Shiro can dress up a little without going full uniform. Shiro only has 2 pairs of black pants and Keith feels odd realizing what they're doing. Maybe he he should have let Curtis do this. But Shiro started on his own. Keith just helped him finish. And made sure he had more than just the absolute bare minimum cheapest crap he could pick in two seconds.

When they get back Keith helps him load all the fabric into the wash so it'll be ready before Curtis gets back. He has a feeling the other man will appreciate all the changes. Looking at the clock he's surprised its only a little after 1400 hours.

He notices Shiro never really stops shaking, and he seems uncomfortable the whole time. Not unwilling just not himself, either. "Do you remember forcing me to pick out clothes?" He asks suddenly.

"Yeah you were a real shithead."

"Thanks for not returning the favor."

"Wouldn't know how to be that obnoxious even if I tried," Shiro smiles.

"So magnanimous."

Shiro shakes his head a little. He flops tiredly onto the couch unsure what to make of all of it.

Keith lets Shiro sleep, fear mounting in his chest cavity. He switches the laundry into the dryer. He's not sure what to do to help Shiro. But at least the man has food. Nice sheets, soft towels. New, clean clothes. The food smells good, and Keith finds himself puttering around looking for things to do, because he's afraid to leave Shiro alone.

Eventually he settles on the couch, putting a hand on Shiro's chest to feel his heartbeat. It seems steady. Normal. Healthy. But the tremors, the sweating, the indecision... It's all so concerning.

Eventually the dryer dings softly. Keith gets up and finds himself remaking the bed, folding clothes and more or less pacing around again. Somewhat amused he's the one taking care of Shiro for a change, he settles back down on the couch when the housekeeping is done, watching him sleep.

He dozes off eventually, and wakes up to the door sliding open.

Curtis smiles as Keith hastily exits, and sniffs the air appreciatively.

Kneeling down by the couch he presses a gentle kiss on Takashi's forehead. "Hey handsome," he smiles gently. "Wake up, love."

Takashi blinks awake, and smiles when he sees Curtis. Curtis gently strokes his cheek and kisses him.

"You hungry?" He asks gently. "Food smells good, what is it?"

"Brisket, and I have veggie salad in the fridge. Just needs dressing."

"Sounds good to me, you ready?"

"Yeah. Keith ran me ragged."

"I can see that. Once we eat do you just wanna go back to bed?"

"No, we should talk."

"Okay," Curtis agrees. Kissing his forehead again he stands up. Watches Takashi shift an arm under himself and sit up, and ease his body off the couch. He seems like he's moving easier. Less stiff.

Takashi quietly gets out plates and silverware, still half asleep. Pulling the salad out he has 2 choices for dressing and lets Curtis pick. Dumping food onto his plate, he settles at the counter and waits for Curtis to do the same.

When he's done serving himself, he unbuttons his uniform, and settles the jacket across the back of his chair. "Thanks for dinner."

"Of course," Takashi smiles back. They bump knees as they eat. He's happy to eat quietly, the hustle and bustle of running errands and dealing with people has him drained. The nap helps but just sitting there with his leg against Curtis' makes him feel better. That and not being required to talk around the food.

Half wondering if they should have talked first, in case he made himself sick, he breathes out a sigh through his nose.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean to wear myself out so badly, though. Sorry."

Curtis nudges his leg, "it's fine."

When he finishes he rinses off his dishes and loads them.

"You cooked, I would have cleaned up."

"You do most of the hard work in our relationship, I think," Shiro smiles. "I can handle some dishes."

Curtis frowns a bit, but decides that can be part of their conversation later. He's absolutely not going to let that slide. Their needs just look different. He smiles when Takashi pulls out a sack of candy. And then laughs when he realizes how full it is. "Trying to fatten me up?"

"I just... There'll always be some here for you."

Holding out his hand he takes Takashi's gently as he comes around the counter and tugs him in close, between his legs. Tipping his face up they kiss for a few moments. Soft and gentle. They pull away and smile. Takashi is a little pink and Curtis smiles. Seems like everything works fine now.