#been at least twice where something has happened that makes me want to write to process but don't know how
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I'm not a poetic person so why the fuck does my grief want to manifest as poetry when i don't even know how to write poetry
#kee speaks#been at least twice where something has happened that makes me want to write to process but don't know how#like knowing who was in my list of DM's that kept my sisters username stay right in sight at the bottom of my phone screen#and just now a notification popped up on my desktop discord from a particular perosn that i haven't heard from in months#so i know that her messaging will have pushed my sisters name off my screen and it feels like another loss#and a few months ago i was talking to my brother on the phone and i said how people always said how much me and my sister sounded alike#especially over the phone/radios#so i told him i feel bad cause i don't know if it's negatively affecting anyone else hearing her voice in mine#and he said it made him want to cry but he did feel like he could hear her laughter when i laugh#and he cherishes it#and when i hung up i realized that less than a year ago i was debating starting T and even had gotten the referral from my doctor#and one of the reasons i wanted to start T was to lower my voice even more#and now i feel like i can't do that right now because i'll be taking another piece of her away from my family#something something i wanted a voice of my own and now everyone hears her voice in mine and I'm the only one who can't hear it
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God ever since reading A Gilded Cage I cant get the thought out of my head of a part 2 where Reader doesn't see Jason for a few days after the revelation. Like maybe he thinks he's being kind and giving us some time to process, maybe he's on his angst again, or maybe some outside factor has taken his attention so the only time he's able to visit is while we're asleep.
And the whole night of the reveal feels like a fever dream when we wake up but there's a blanket draped over us and a fuzzy little kitten purring up a storm on our chest (in my heart his name is Bean (short for Toebean)), so we're at least kind of sure it happened. But as the time passes with no sign of Jason our certainty begins to wane and until we finally get fed up and write on the notepad the first thing we've asked for since that night: "You."
Or something like that idek okay I've been over here clawing at my walls frothing at the mouth I never really even liked ak!Jason before reading your stuff and now I'm feral for him and its all your fault and I'm not even mad about it
A Glimmering Collar
AKA Part Two of this series. Ahh, nonnie, you literally cooked with this. I love when my fics inspire people enough to keep thinking on them! Seriously, ty for dropping these ideas in my inbox cause I had nothing going on in my brain for a part two initially. Hope you enjoy!
~2.6k words
You wake up to something tickling your nose. Your body feels heavy, your mind even more so. Nothing in you is ready to open your eyes, to face the fact that last night could all have been a dream. That he isn't– that was just a dream.
Something soft flicks your nose again, and you force your eyes open. You blink hard once. Then twice. It's a kitten. It's tiny, and it's sitting by your face. Every few seconds, its tail sways and brushes your nose.
Oh. You sit up slowly, trying not to frighten the small thing. It looks at you contently over its shoulder and meows. The kitten stretches as you stare at it, then plops itself directly on the blanket resting over your lap.
Huh. There's a blanket you definitely don't remember grabbing sprawled over your legs. You carefully reach down to pet the kitten's head. Your heart melts a little when it nuzzles your fingers and purrs.
You look around the room slowly. Nothing else looks different. The notepad is still in place, but the kitten and blanket all point to one thing. Last night was real. Jason is alive. Jason is the Arkham Knight.
You're trying to wrap your brain around that when the door flies open, nearly making you jump out of your skin.
"Good morning!!" A flurry of voice call from the doorway. Your eyes widen as three brightly dressed people strut their way into your apartment, "Are you ready for your shopping trip, hun?"
"My– excuse me?" You stumble out, tucking the kitten to your chest as you stand.
They giggle, and one of them steps forward, "Your shopping trip, sweetie! And spa day, of course. Oh, ha, we haven't even been introduced, have we? I'm Krystal with a K, she's Destini with an i and he's Robbi also with an i."
Robbi huffs and walks up to you to pet your kitten, "Why can't you ever introduce Destini second? She can be Destini also with an i, ya know."
The other girl walks up to you as well and picks affectionately at your clothes, "Because it's alphabetical that way, Robbi. Now you better go get dressed, we have brunch reservations and mimosa plans!"
"I– sorry? What?" You ask, eyes darting between the three of them. Whatever this is, you can't keep up. You've barely processed Jason kidnapped you, and now you're supposed to go get a massage and drinks?
"The boss wants you to go out," a flat voice cuts in. You're the only one that stiffens at the sight of two large men stepping through the door.
Krystal speaks up, "We're here to make sure you have a good time! And Mack and John are here to keep us safe!"
"Mack and John," You echo weakly.
"Your body guards, silly," Destini chirps, ushering you to your room. She plucks the kitten from your hands, "Now get dressed! Wear something nice!"
You stare at the door as she shuts it. What just happened? You hear them chattering happily in the kitchen, idly talking about pregaming your shopping trip.
Your whole mind is a mess, and you sluggishly get ready, thoughts whirling. You've barely talked to soul since you were kidnapped, and now you have five new names to remember, a kitten, and a day out.
You're not exactly sure if you should be unsettled or grateful at how quickly Jason worked to get you what you asked for. By the time you've opened your bedroom door, Krystal, Destini and Robbi are passing around a flask, and playfully trying to get your 'bodyguards' to drink it.
You wonder what they must think of all this. Who they think you are. You're struck with the realization that Jason must be paying them to entertain you today.
You don't get to linger on the thought before Robbi hooked his arm with yours, dragging you towards the door, "Let's gooo, the brunch place we're going to does the best pineapple mimosas. Or cherry, if that's your thing."
"Wait," Mack– or John, you're not exactly sure which one is which– stops you, "Boss wants you to wear this."
The girls and Robbi coo in awe when Mack opens a box, revealing a glittery, jaw-dropping choker. You waver at the sight of it. It's not that it doesn't match what you're wearing. You'd dressed up like Destini suggested, but it feels like some kind of trap.
You reluctantly pick up the necklace, eyeing how it catches the light, "Is it– are sure it's safe to wear this out?" Safety isn't really what you're concerned about at the moment.
You're more worried about the crushing weight that this means more than you understand.
John nods once, "There won't be any problems."
Krystal happily plucks the necklace from your fingers, and before you have time to argue, she drapes the necklace around your throat. "It's beautiful, hun. Just like you. Let's go get you something to eat," her voice is soft, measured, and full of so much understanding it makes you want to cry.
You don't know much they know, but when she hooks her arm with yours to guide you out the door, you have a feeling there's more awareness than their bubbly attitudes let on.
The day ends up being wonderful. Being around people, out under the sun (the sun Gotham does get), was rejuvenating. You had fun, joked, smiled, and for a day, it was almost like you didn't have a prison cell to go back to.
The food was delicious, the spa relaxing, and you didn't have to carry back a single bag. Krystal had flashed a black card at every payment, every place ever could want to shop at, reassuring you it's all been taken care of.
But the time you've collapsed on the couch, exhausted but content, the uneasy feelings from this morning are gone.
You settle on the cushions to wait for Jason. To thank him for listening or to yell at him for still keeping you here, you're not exactly sure yet.
But he doesn't come, you fall asleep in your expensive necklace and pretty clothes with one hand petting your kitten. He doesn't come the next day either, at least not while you're awake, but Krystal, Destini, and Robbi do.
Your friends, the people being paid to entertain you are nice, perfect even. They're exactly what you would have asked for.
Your kitten is perfect too, it cuddles with you at night and nuzzles under your chin after you're left alone, when the unease finds its way back to you.
It's been days since you've seen him. It's starting to feel like a lifetime. You know he comes back after you fall asleep, he moves things. You think it's his way of showing that he listened, that he came back because you asked.
The notepad, the one you haven't written on since that night, shifts closer to you on the glass table if you sleep on the couch.
The glimmering choker gets pulled out of the drawer every time you try to put it away. Your kitten has a growing collection of toys and things to climb on.
It's obvious he's visiting, so why won't he let you see him? Day five of dancing around each other breaks you. You want to see him, want to talk to him, and understand. You want Jason.
Your hand shakes a little, when you go to write on the notepad, and when you wake up the next morning, the paper is blank again.
You wait. You wait some more. All day you wait for him. No one else comes. It's strangely quiet, with just you and your kitten. You've just about given up, collapsed in your bed, when the glowing whites of his helmet catch your attention.
You sit up quickly and throw your legs off the bed as you stare into the doorway, "You came."
"Did you mean it," he asks, any emotion he's feeling hidden by the aggravating modulator.
"Mean what," You question, standing off the bed to walk closer to him, "Will you take the mask off?"
He doesn't move for a moment, just takes in the sight of you. The silence that drags almost makes you regret the question, but he carefully pulls off his helmet, "What you wrote. That you wanted me."
"I– yeah, Jason. I haven't– it's been days since I saw you," You only notice mid sentence that his hand is reaching for your face, it makes your voice waver. "You never answered any of my questions," You finish weakly.
His hand stills and he drops it, "Questions. That's what you wanted?"
You nod a little, searching his face for any hint of what he's feeling, but he gives nothing away.
He sighs softly, and looks away, adjusting his helmet under his arm. You think he might look disappointed, "I can't give you the answers you're looking for."
"Why not," You question softly, worried to push him away.
Jason turns his focus back to you, "I just need you to stay here. Please," he sighs out your name, and his hand twitches as if to touch you, "Don't fight me on this."
"That's not fair," You mumble, "Why am I here, Jason? You know I would have listened if you came to talk to me instead of– this."
Silence falls again, and he steps past you into your room. He sets his helmet on your dresser and picks up the choker resting on the wooden surface, "I wish you would wear this. I picked it out for you."
"Jason," You start, tracking his movements.
"I know," he cuts you off, "but I told you, you don't need to understand anything." You stiffen when he steps back towards you and guides you to turn around.
The air leaves your lungs as his gloves brush over your skin. He sets the necklace around your throat, and even after it rests heavy against your skin, his touch lingers.
"You just need to stay here. It's safe. I've given you everything you've asked for, and everything you haven't," Jason says softly, stepping out from behind you. His gaze lingers on your neck for a moment, and the stifling, unexplainable feeling sets back into your gut.
Your words stick in your throat. There's a sense of danger, one that doesn't make sense. Jason wouldn't hurt you. Not the Jason you know. But is this the Jason you know? The thought makes you want to tear the choker from your skin and throw it at him.
"It feels like a collar," You say quietly, and your breath hitches when his gaze snaps go yours, "I mean, it's pretty. Really. But, it feels– like it's more," You stumble out.
He nods slowly, and he doesn't stop himself from touching you this time. His fingers trace the choker, linger over your collarbones, brush along your pulse, "Maybe it is."
You blink at him, every thought flying from your brain, "What?"
He hums softly, hooking a finger under the shiny jewels to draw you closer, "Does that scare you? Knowing that you can't leave? Knowing that no matter how pretty these are, it's just another way to keep you?"
"You wouldn't hurt me," you say instead, it sounds like you believe it, but you're not sure if you're trying to convince yourself or him.
"I don't want to," He admits, fingers leaving your throat to trail up your jaw, "but I probably could."
"I don't believe that. I remember–" He tuts, tapping your cheek. Your heart drops when you realize he's mirroring where his own brand is.
"I'm not what you remember," he says firmly, before whispering your name, "I'm not that Jason. Not really."
"Then who are you," You ask, even though you don't want to know the answer. You want to pretend he's still something you know.
His eyes dart over your face, then back down to the necklace, "I'm still Jason. But I'm also the Arkham Knight."
"What does that mean," You push, reach up to grab his wrist, demanding his attention, demanding real answers.
"It means that you stay. It means that I give you what you want. Everything and anything except leaving," he says, voice lowering to something kinder, gentler, "it'll make sense eventually. You'll be happy here. Safe."
"Will that make you happy?" You ask, fingers tightening on his wrist. Half of you wants to pull him away, stop him from tracing patterns over your cheek, but the other part of you wants to press his hand closer.
Something flicks in his eyes at your words, "Yes."
"Will it keep you safe?" You murmur, eyes locked on his.
He doesn't answer, clenching and unclenching his jaw for a moment, "Safety is an option I don't have."
"It could be, if you wanted it," You say, dropping his wrist. It must be true. Even with all the secrets he's keeping, his evasive disappearing act, he could take off the armor. Leave behind the new symbol engraved over his chest.
He laughs a little and swipes his thumb under your eye, "I'm glad that you don't understand. It's good, that they didn't twist you into something unrecognizable."
"Understand?" You prompt, unsettled by his laughter.
"That they need to pay. All of them do," he smiles a little, it's a mockery of the one you remember. Jason traces the choker one last time before stepping back.
"You're leaving," You say, not a question, a statement of fact. He's leaving, without explaining anything again.
"I am," he affirms, moving to grab his helmet.
"I want you to stay," You breathe out and he freezes in place.
He exhales softly and faces you again, "You don't know what you're asking."
"I do. I want you to stay," You repeat, reaching out to push his helmet back towards the dresser.
"And then what?" He asks lowly, a warning, "What do you expect to happen?"
It makes you waver, "I– I don't know. But it's what I want."
It's another long moment of nothing before he answers, gesturing towards the bed, "Go to sleep."
"You'll stay?"
He nods at your question, unceremoniously dragging the chair from your desk to your bedside.
"Is that going to be comfortable–" You begin, settling yourself in the bed.
"You're overthinking it," he mumbles, waving at you to lay down. You do, watching as your kitten jumps into his lap, curling up like this is something that happens all the time. (You have the feeling it is) "Have you named him," he asks quietly.
"The kitten? Mm, no. Wanted you to," You say softly, carefully not to unsettle either of them.
"I wouldn't be good at it," Jason protests, eyes flicking between you and the kitten.
"I don't mind," You murmur, "anything's better than 'kitten'."
He pauses, so quiet and still you think he won't answer, "Bean," he mumbles, reluctant as the newly appointed Bean cuddles into his armor.
You smile, "Bean's a good name."
He doesn't answer, seemingly engrossed with watching the kitten.
You take him in for another moment, memorizing his face before closing your eyes. It's not an accident that you leave your palm open and face up by the side of the bed.
There's no more pleasantries exchanged, no sweet goodnights or the gentle touches against your face you've grown used to. But just as you finally start to drift off, as darkness finally draws you to rest, a warm, rough hand weaves itself into yours and squeezes.
Part Three
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방찬 ─── cracks in the mirror 2
♡ pairing ៸៸ idol!chan x fem!reader genre ៸៸ drama ig, kinda fluff ៸៸ cw ៸៸ mean girl mina , chan is mean but to mina :3 ♡ synopsis ៸៸ chan confronts mina. [ part one ] a/n ๑ i messed up the format please don't laugh at me— this second part is confrontations like requested but if you guys want i’ll write a fluff scene to close the lil series ! [ 1.7k words ] ♡ masterlist
the next morning, chan walked into the company with a clear mission. mina was sitting inside a practice room, scrolling on her phone, looking as if she didn’t have a care in the world.
“mina,” chan said, his tone calm but unmistakably firm.
she looked up, surprised at the abruptness in his voice. “oh, hey, chan!” she flashed him her usual sweet smile. he didn’t reciprocate, instead crossing his arms. “we need to talk.”
mina’s smile faltered, but she quickly recovered, adjusting her posture. “oh? what about?” he shut the door and turned to face her.
“mina, i’m going to be straight with you. what you said to y/n yesterday was completely out of line.” her brows furrowed in mock confusion. “what do you mean? i didn’t say anything wrong to her. we were just talking.”
chan’s eyes narrowed slightly. “talking? you called her ‘brave’ for being confident with extra weight. do you really think that’s appropriate?”
mina hesitated for a second but then tilted her head, trying to appear innocent. “i didn’t mean it in a bad way! i was just giving her a compliment. if she took it the wrong way, that’s on her.”
“no, mina,” chan interrupted, his tone sharper. “it’s not on her. you’ve been here long enough to know what’s acceptable and what’s not when it comes to how we treat people—especially our colleagues. y/n has done nothing but work hard, and the last thing she needs is passive-aggressive comments or veiled insults.”
mina’s expression hardened slightly, her facade cracking. “i think you’re reading too much into this, chan. maybe you’re just overly sensitive about her.”
“don’t deflect,” he countered, his voice steady but firm. “this isn’t about me being ‘sensitive.’ it’s about respect. and it’s about creating an environment where everyone feels safe and valued, not judged.”
mina crossed her arms, defensive. “fine. if she’s that upset, i’ll apologize.”
chan shook his head. “don’t just apologize to check a box, mina. think about why this behavior is a problem and how it affects the people around you. if this happens again, we’re going to have a much bigger issue to deal with.”
there’s a moment of tense silence before mina finally nodded, though her expression didn’t suggest much remorse. “got it,” she muttered, looking away.
chan sighed, his disappointment evident. “good. i hope this is the last time we have to have this conversation.”
as mina left the room, chan stayed behind for a moment, running a hand through his hair. he knew he couldn’t force someone to change, but he hoped his words would at least make her think twice before targeting you—or anyone else—again.
later in the day, you were back in the studio, focusing intently on your work. you were determined to push the events of yesterday to the back of your mind. mina’s cruel words still lingered, but chan’s support had given you the strength to move forward, even if only slightly.
the faint sound of voices carried through the hallway as you typed away on your laptop, but you didn’t pay them much attention until the door to the studio opened, and in walked mina. you glanced up briefly, then returned your attention to your work, pretending she wasn’t there.
“hey, y/n,” mina said softly, her tone uncharacteristically subdued.
you didn’t respond immediately, choosing instead to finish typing your thought. then, you leaned back in your chair and gave her a curt nod. “what is it, mina?”
she hesitated, her usual confidence replaced with something resembling awkwardness. “i just… i wanted to say i’m sorry. about yesterday. i think i might have come across the wrong way, and i didn’t mean to upset you.”
you studied her for a moment, trying to decipher whether her apology was genuine or just another act. “is that so?” you asked, your tone as neutral as you could manage.
“yes,” mina said, clasping her hands together and giving you what she probably thought was a sincere look. “i was just trying to make conversation, but i think it came out wrong.”
you let out a soft scoff, turning your attention back to your laptop. “right. making conversation.”
she faltered, clearly not expecting your cold response. “i mean it,” she pressed. “i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
you gave her a sharp look, your patience wearing thin. “funny, because you seem to be really good at saying things that hurt people, mina. so forgive me if i’m not buying this sudden burst of remorse.”
the door creaked open slightly, and you noticed the reflection of two familiar faces in the glass window—changbin and han. they were leaning against the frame, partially hidden but clearly listening.
mina didn’t seem to notice. her expression shifted instantly, the veneer of sweetness cracking. “well, i was just trying to be nice,” she snapped, her tone defensive. “it’s not my fault you’re so sensitive.”
you smirked, though there was no humor in it. “there she is,” you said, your voice low and pointed. “i was wondering how long you’d keep up the act.”
hans’s low mutter of “oh, hell no” barely registered, but changbin's quiet snort did.
mina’s face reddened, her fake apology dissolving entirely. “you know what? maybe i was wasting my time trying to apologize.”
you leaned forward, meeting her glare with unwavering calm. “then maybe you should do us both a favor and not waste your time next time.”
she huffed, crossing her arms. “whatever,” she muttered before turning on her heel. as she opened the door, she froze, noticing changbin and han standing there, arms crossed and faces set in disapproval.
“oh, don’t mind us,” han said, his tone light but dripping with sarcasm. “we were just passing by.”
mina’s eyes darted between the two of them before she shoved past and stormed down the hallway.
changbin let out a low whistle, shaking his head as he stepped into the studio. “wow. she’s worse than i thought.”
han followed, plopping down onto the couch. “nice work.”
you sighed, leaning back in your chair. “thanks.”
you sat in the breakroom, nursing your coffee and trying to shake off the encounter with mina earlier. her fake apology and subsequent outburst had left you drained, though you wouldn’t let her know that.
the door swung open, and you glanced up to see chan. his jaw was set, and his usually warm eyes were stormy.
“where is she?” he asked, his tone clipped.
you blinked, startled by the intensity in his voice. “who?”
“mina,” he bit out, already turning to leave. “i heard what happened. she’s not getting away with it this time.”
before you could protest—or warn him—he was out the door, striding down the hallway. you followed hesitantly, curiosity overriding your instinct to stay out of it.
chan found mina sitting in the cafeteria, scrolling on her phone like she didn’t have a care in the world. he didn’t hesitate.
“oi, mina,” he snapped, his voice carrying across the room.
she looked up, startled, and quickly masked her surprise with a saccharine smile. “oh, hey, chan! what’s up?”
he stopped a few feet from her, his posture rigid. “cut it,” he said, his accent thicker than usual, each word sharp enough to cut glass. “what the hell is your problem?”
her smile faltered. “excuse me?” she said, her voice rising indignantly.
“you heard me,” chan said, his tone low and hushed, as if trying not to let anyone hear. “why do you keep goin’ out of your way to be such a goddamned pain in the ass?”
mina’s mouth opened and closed, clearly taken aback. “i don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stammered.
“oh, don’t play dumb with me,” he shot back, his voice rising. “i’ve heard how you treat y/n. and today? you waltz in with your half-arsed apology, then turn around and throw more shade when it doesn’t go your way. are you serious?”
mina straightened her spine, trying to regain her composure. “i was just trying to be nice—”
“bullshit,” chan interrupted, his accent thick and raw. “you were bein’ a snake, and you know it. nice doesn’t look like what you do, mina. nice doesn’t leave people feelin’ like shit after every conversation. so drop the act, yeah?”
her face reddened, her carefully crafted facade crumbling. “i don’t need this from you,” she snapped. “i was just trying to help, but clearly y/n’s too sensitive to handle a bit of honesty.”
chan took a step closer, his gaze unwavering. “honesty? you call tearing someone down ‘honesty’? nah, mate, that’s just you bein’ a spiteful cow. and if you think i’m gonna let you get away with it, you’ve got another thing comin’.”
mina looked like she wanted to retort, but chan didn’t give her the chance.
“you’re done,” he said firmly. “you don’t get to treat people like that and expect everyone to put up with it. especially not y/n. so unless you’re ready to actually grow the hell up, you can’t work for me, or anyone else here.”
the room was silent, and all eyes were on chan as his chest heaved. mina’s jaw tightened, and without another word, she grabbed her bag and stormed out.
chan let out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair before turning around to see you standing there. his expression softened when he saw you standing there, half-hidden behind the doorway.
“you heard that?” he asked, his voice gentler now.
you nodded, your chest tight with a mix of gratitude and surprise. “yeah. you didn’t have to–”
he offered a small smile, his eyes warm again. “no, i didn’t, but.. you don’t deserve that from her. no one does.”
you walked over to him, taking in his worked up, flushed state. “are you okay?” you asked him, cautiously inching closer. he nodded, sighing. “yeah. but i already know i’m about to get scolded for talking to her like that.” he looked up at you from his fists, his gaze tender.
you bit the inside of your cheek, steeling yourself. “do you wanna step outside, and go for a walk or something? to cool off?”
he stood up straighter, nodding. “sure,” he grinned, showing off his adorable dimple. “after you.”
tags: @ritsmith @bluesungology @jeonginsleftcheek
©chxnsgirl do not repost, translate, or copy my works in any way, shape, or form.
#skz x reader#kpop x reader#bang chan#skz imagines#skz scenarios#skz bangchan#stray kids#stray kids x reader#skz bang chan#bangchan x you#bangchan x reader#bangchan fluff#bangchan#bangchan imagines#stray kids imagines#kpop fluff#stray kids scenarios#chan stray kids#chan fluff
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Things I Have to do for My Sanity
1. Wake up at the first alarm - no snoozing and no going lying around in bed. Getting up straight away and head to the bathroom. It’s going to suck initially but you’ll get used to it in a few days.
2. Mental self care: 30 minute meditation, brain games mental math, reading, news. Knowledge is sexy and don’t deny yourself sexiness.
3. Daily review in my diary at the beginning and end of my day: what went well, what didn’t, what I need to accomplish to achieve my goals. This has tremendously helped my goals and keeping my motivation more consistent, especially at work. Analysing and correcting incremental changes creates long term success.
4. Cleaning up before bed - clothes, shoes, organising my bag, etc. I set a timer for 5 minutes and try to get as much done as possible.
5. Pick out my clothes the night before and steam iron them for the next day.
6. Face masks twice a week, a hair mask once a week, I scrub the soles of my feet with that foot scrubbing thingy once a week. Manicures every month because my nail beds are too sensitive to do it biweekly, iron supplements so that I’m not a moody bitch. Matching underwear to feel good about myself. Lavender spray on my pillow before sleeping so that I don’t get weird dreams.
7. Reading biographies and autobiographies. My mentor had suggested this to me and it’s amazing how literally I don’t have a single original experience - everything I’ve felt or mistakes I’ve made have already been done by someone else.
I’m going to curate a list of business books that I feel that have helped me the most recently.
8. I write a short essay everyday in the language I’m currently learning. I also end my day by talking about my day for at least 2 minutes in that language and I record it in voice memos to keep a track of my progress. I want to be fluent to a level where I can think in this language.
✨
I don’t generally share a lot about my personal life - none of you know my name or where I’m based and I feel comfortable doing that. But I do want to start giving out more insights to what I’m doing personally in my career - the good, the bad, the ugly.
Being self aware and honest to myself has helped me improve a lot. I know that shame is my Achilles heel, so now I’m reading books to combat that. I’ve caved in and decided to try therapy for a bit to see if what I’m doing is useful or not. My first session is tomorrow. Staying disciplined was my initial hurdle but the systems I’ve set (waking up early + habit stacking) have helped me slowly overcome that.
Work side, I’ve started establishing myself publicly more. I don’t want to reveal too much about what I do exactly but the good news is that our biggest competitor has noticed my progress (a former employee of that company came to us for an interview and directly asked our top management about me). It’s been 4 months that I’ve been working here but I know that next year I really have to swing the bat and hit a home run. I’ve decided to work on the field more and less in the office to really understand people’s needs and create unique solutions.
The daily/weekly/quarterly diary is definitely credited to my recent wins. That’s the biggest change I’ve made in my routine and i can already see that it’s working well. I’m going to continue refining and implementing that method.
Recent work methods I’ve decided to start working on (I’m not required to do these but I do it for my growth):
1. I’ve started studying popular companies’ business and revenue models in detail. Everything is adoptable and adaptable, you just have to figure out how to tweak something for your company’s clients and needs. Now I’ve decided that I want to keep a track of our competitors, their business models, their owners names, pricing strategy, their target audience etc etc on an excel sheet so that I’m aware with what’s happening in the market.
2. I’ve started making client profiles. Every time I meet a client, I note down their name, the company name, what they were like, anything specific they seemed to like or want, how much they had paid us for a service, what their paying capacity could be, etc.
#c suite#powerful woman#strong women#ceo aesthetic#personal growth#that girl#productivity#getting your life together#balance#to do#to do list
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HSR Character Drabbles (Ft. The Stellaron Hunters & The IPC)
Had to change the title since like the realizing part is kind of restricting my headcanoning ahh and I want to just-
Your honor just kill me I just wanna write 🫠
GN!Reader as per usual
And if there was a Title to describe this whole bananza then it’s: What do they do when they’re in love with You?
But it feels… you know what? Just enjoy this mess.
Also! Established Relationships for Topaz and Aventurine. I would’ve gone insane by the time I had something for them that isn’t in the relationship phase…
—————
———
—————
Kafka
She’s “somewhat” clingy
Been like this ever since she’s laid her eyes on you
You just bring a… certain charm that makes her enamored
And this feeling soon devolved into something more…
I wouldn’t say worse but…
It reaches to the point where she cherishes every moment with you
Be it longer hugs
Her hands intertwined with yours at any chance she gets
Or a few more minutes just so she can lay in bed you a little bit longer (the whole one room one bed is orchestrated by her, of course)
You’re just…
Mm…
She just wants to be with you
Every second
Smile for her, will you? Just once? It’ll get her going
Silver Wolf
Holed up in her room
Otome games stacked beside her
Reading text at near light speeds as if it isn’t even difficult
And once she meets her own reflection from the end credits…
She concludes that it isn’t enough
…she wants everything to go right
Not to make an embarrassment of herself
It has her spiraling downwards and staying up for days until you’re told by Kafka to check in on her
Her eyes flutter open
Words of concern spill out of your mouth
She’s not even listening to you
Just…
Wondering if these hands on her shoulders are real or not
Thankfully she does get ahold of her senses and willingly heads to bed
Not before having more… thoughts
Damn can she be just normal for once-
Tip for Boss: Give her a hug
Blade
Sort of good news…?
He’s in love
Bad news?
He’s in love
He goes to such lengths in distancing himself from you, often taking missions that’ll definitely take a month or two to finish…
It’s only when Elio and Kafka step in with these countless missions that he begrudgingly takes in your presence again
Though… some part of him appreciates your company
Even if one day you…
Well…
Let’s just ignore that for a second
All that matters now…
Is that you’re here
Side note: Ruffle his hair at least once or twice a week.
Pretty please.
Firefly
She’ll be fine she says!
Cues to her trying to get a grip of everything the moment you wave at her
Firefly is… a mess to put it at words
Girlfailure if you will
From spacing out just by calling her name or her brain needing a reboot when you hold her hand
Heck, even Kafka and Silverwolf are teasing her about this!
But… she isn’t afraid to improve
Because one day
She’ll have the courage to…
To ask if you’re fine with eating cake rolls with her…
…
Doesn’t that just sound like a date-
Fun fact: She will stay still as a rock if you lay your head on her shoulder. Use this for whatever you want
Aventurine
Countless paper bags scattered across thr living room
You don’t deny these gifts of course it’s just…
You know
You’re not used to this
This amount of…
Appreciation
So, who would’ve thought that one day…
He decides to visit you!
Without warning!
…How did he even know your addre-
Right, your wallet…
That aside he’s just…
Standing there
Processing what’s in front of him right now
“…do you want more?”
“Wh-what?”
“Do you want a mansion instead?”
“Navi, can you get ahold of yourself please-
Call him nicknames. Makes him a tomato.
Topaz
Lap Pillows
And also Numby laying on your tummy
This has been an occasional thing whenever the weekend comes by
There’s also a switch in roles! And it happens quite often during weekdays when she comes home from work
Which lets you pepper her with kisses, leaving her a blushing mess afterwards
She’ll also fake getting sick just so she can be enveloped by your lovey dovey hugs just a bit longer
Though that always ends in her grumpily heading back to work…
“I miss my S/O, Numby…” She says as she closes the front door
Tip: If you kiss her then keep kissing her then make out and head to fourth base did you know she’ll be really needy an
Dr Ratio
After countless research and conducting…
Does he finally come up with a solution
…
A change in attitude
His rather… harsh demeanor would only lead to distancing yourself from him
Which explains itself very well in not having a chance at expressing his feelings for you
…but he’ll do what he can
Big or small
So long as you see him…
The way he sees you
Then writing this Thesis about Love isn’t so bad after all
I.E. Dr. Ratio turns soft for your sake and everyone else’s
…
“What’s this?”
“Tea. I thought you might need it for the gargantuous amount of paperwork.”
“Thanks… are you sure you aren’t possessed?”
“Why the assumption…?”
“You’re smiling.”
…
….
…
Yell at me if I did something bad for anyone in thi sob drabble :(
And that if this gets more than eleven likes I will have to acknowledge the fact that people like this
#hsr x reader#topaz x reader#dr ratio x reader#aventurine x reader#firefly x reader#silver wolf x reader#kafka x reader#blade x reader#j don’t deserve this many tags
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I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 6
Warnings: angst, mentions of heartbreak, alcohol consumption
Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader , Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler
Summary: Steve finally gets the answer to a question that has been haunting him for days.
Word count: 6k+
A/N: @belokhvostikova remember the ask you sent me about the idea with the denim jacket? I had to include it in this chapter, so thank you hehe <;3
series masterlist
-
Steve’s phone kept ringing all day, since the early morning hours. He doesn’t know if it was her or his mom, he didn’t bother to get up and check. At some point, the doorbell rang twice, he didn’t get up to open it either. He wanted to be left alone. He didn’t want to see anyone except for you. The thought of you just made him cry harder and made him feel more pathetic about himself – he kept reminding himself that it was him who fucked it all up.
He never felt such self hatred for himself the way he does now. All day, he laid in bed thinking about you and all the things that happened that led him here, getting drunk at a bar he used to hate, wallowing in self pity while he knocks back one drink after the other after throwing his fake ID on the counter.
How will he keep going?
Steve downs his fourth drink of the night and slides the empty glass over to the bartender, asking for another one.
The man gives him a look of concern, eying Steve for a moment.
“Just.. please,” Steve mumbles.
The bartender sighs, shaking his head, he mumbles something under his breath but still, he picks up the bottle and pours the whiskey into the glass, “you’re getting water after this one, son.”
“I have water at home,” Steve says. He reaches for the glass and slides it back towards himself. He leans his elbow on the counter and looks around the mostly empty room. Some rock song is playing in the background, one he doesn’t recognize. There’s a heavy cloud of smoke in the corner of the room where two men are sitting, laughing at some jokes that probably aren’t funny as they smoke their cigarettes and drink their beer.
The door opens and in walks the guy that is probably one of the most irritating people at Hawkins High – to him, at least. Steve bites back a groan when their eyes lock. He turns back around, avoiding eye contact. From the corner of his eye, he sees him walking towards the bar.
“Hey Tony.”
Steve lifts his head a little to see the Bartender smiling.
“Hey Ed, how’s it going?”
Eddie drums his fingers against the wooden counter, he looks around the room, “good, uh, have you seen my notebook? I’ve been looking for it everywhere but I can’t find it – I even cleaned out my van, can you believe it?”
Tony chuckles, “was about time you cleaned out that thing, boy.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, snorting, “yeah, well I’m busy.”
“With what?”
Eddie pretends to think as he raises his brows and looks up at the ceiling, “well, working my ass off so I don’t have to repeat senior year again, I recently found a good tutor,” Eddie smirks, “got myself a muse to help me write the song texts,” Eddie wiggles his brows, making the older man laugh, “working on a new campaign. Oh and of course, how could I forget, comforting the broken hearted – you know, just the usual,” he shrugs as his eyes flicker over to Steve for a moment.
“What a busy man you are, Eddie,” Tony chuckles, shaking his head. He throws the towel on the counter, “I’ll take a look in the back.”
“Thanks man,” Eddie smiles, watching him disappear in the hallways. He turns his head to look at Steve.
“What is King Steve doing at the Hideout?”
Steve turns to face him and Eddie raises his brows in surprise, “damn, you look like shit, man.” Eddie says. Taking in the puffy eyes and the dark circles beneath them, he almost feels bad for him. His hair looks messy, not as perfectly done the way it always is.
“Get lost, freak.”
“Always the douchebag,” Eddie mumbles, rolling his eyes.
Steve turns away, he raises the glass to his lips and takes a sip, swallowing the bitterness.
“Are you pre drinking for the dance tomorrow or are you just drowning your sorrows in alcohol because you finally realized what a piece of shit you are?” Eddie asks. Not being able to hold back.
Steve frowns, he turns to face him. There is something in Eddie’s eyes that Steve can’t read.
“What the hell is your problem?” He asks. Not understanding the anger that is directed at him. They never liked each other but they never attacked each other either. Steve avoided him, he never had the jock’s back when they bullied him but he never really did anything about it either.
Eddie looks at him for a moment. He opens his mouth to speak but decides against it. He sighs and looks away but Steve keeps staring at him. A weird feeling takes over him when he looks down at the jacket Eddie is wearing. His heart stops and his face pales.
It’s that jacket. The one that has been in your room all week. It’s just a normal dark denim jacket, it could just be a similar one, he tells himself. But the Metallica pin on the sleeve is the exact same one that he had seen on the jacket in your room.
Eddie smells like cigarettes and weed, the cologne that he can smell even from a distance is the same one that he had smelled on you. Realization floods through him in a cold wave.
Eddie Munson is the stoner Billy had talked about?
Eddie Munson is the guy you have been seeing?
How did you even meet him?
You never even talked to him when you were still with him.
“You got lucky, Ed,” Tony says, holding up Eddie’s notebook, “you gotta take better care of your things.”
Eddie chuckles, feeling relief. He takes the notebook and sighs, “I know, I know,” he mumbles and steps back, “I’ll see you on Tuesday, Tony.”
“Tell your old man to come by too.”
“Yes sir,” Eddie salutes, grinning at the older man, he takes another look at Steve, who stares into blank space as he holds the half empty glass in his hand. Sighing, he turns around and leaves.
Steve snaps out of his thoughts, he reaches for the wallet in his back pocket and picks out a fifty dollar bill. He throws it on the counter and puts his wallet back into place, he grabs his jacket and makes his way out of the bar, following Eddie.
“Hey! This is too much, kid!”
“Keep the change,” Steve mumbles before he stumbles out into the cold. He clumsily puts on his jacket. The cold air hits him harshly and he suddenly feels much tipsier than he did while he was in there.
Eddie stands by his van, the notebook is tucked under his arm, his hand is cupped over the cigarette that is between his lips as he lights it up.
“Hey!” Steve calls out to him. He stumbles through the snow. He blinks, trying to get rid of the blurriness in his eyes.
Eddie turns around to face him, a curious look residing on his face. He blows the smoke into the other direction and leans against his van.
“What do you want, Harrington?”
Steve stops in front of him. The wind feels harsh on his skin, not even the thick jacket does anything to shield him from the cold. How Eddie is able to walk around with a denim jacket and not freeze to death makes him wonder.
“W-Where did you get that jacket?” He asks. Not knowing what else to ask now that he stands in front of him.
Eddie stares at him with a serious look on his face, eyeing him up and down. “Why?” He asks. “You wanna buy it?”
Steve furrows his brows, he shakes his head, “no?”
“Why do you wanna know?”
Steve’s mind is a little hazy, he feels more drunk than tipsy, right now.
“You’re the stoner.”
Eddie raises his brows, his dark eyes flash with amusement and confusion, “the stoner?” He chuckles and takes another drag from his cigarette. “They usually call me a drug dealer but sure, I’m also a stoner – sometimes.”
Steve shakes his head. “A-Are you with y/n?”
Eddie tilts his head. “With y/n?”
“Are you hooking up with her?” Steve asks, angrily.
A knowing look takes over Eddie’s expression. He pulls back and sighs in annoyance.
“Not that it’s any of your business but no, I don’t take advantage of vulnerable girls. And not everything is about sex,” he glares at him. He feels irritated by Steve and by the way he looks so confused about this revelation.
“Then what is it about?” He slurs. Throwing his hands up.
“Jesus, you’re a real douchebag. Is that all you think about? Sex?” He asks. “Can’t two people that like each other just be friends?”
The look on his face tells him no. For some reason, Steve can’t comprehend that thought. How can Eddie be your friend and not want you? He always wanted you. Ever since you were little kids. He always loved you. He always wanted you to be his – until he didn’t.
Eddie shakes his head and rolls his eyes, he throws the cigarette into the snow and walks away. The sound of Steve’s keys jingling makes him halt in his tracks though. He closes his eyes, annoyance rushes through him. He doesn’t like Steve, he never did and after what he did to you, he started liking him even less but you are his friend and you still care about him. He takes a deep breath and turns around.
“Put those keys away, dude.”
“Huh?” Steve mumbles. Looking up in confusion.
“You’re not driving home like that,” he says. Pointing to his drunken state, he watches Steve trip over a small pile of snow. Maybe if things were different, he would’ve laughed at him. “Get in the van, I’ll drive you home.”
Steve looks at his car, knowing he is in no state to drive himself but he refuses to get into a car with Eddie Munson.
“I’ll walk.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, “don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone that you let the freak drive you home.”
It’s not about that, it’s about you.
Steve looks at Eddie, who stares at him in annoyance.
“Get in the car, dude. She’d kick my ass if she knew that I let you drive home like this.”
Steve looks down for a moment. He takes a few deep breaths and nods. He puts the keys back in his pocket and opens the door, careful not to slip on the icy ground, he looks down and gets into the van.
Eddie jumps into the driver's seat and closes the door. He throws the notebook on the windshield and puts the key into the ignition, startling Steve with the loud music when he starts the car. He scrunches his face up and turns down the volume, “shit, my bad.”
Steve’s heart is pumping in his chest, sighing, he opts to look out the window after putting the seatbelt on.
“Your music sucks.”
“The audacity you have, Harrington,” Eddie scoffs. “Here I am being nice, inviting you into my van and you dare to insult the best music that there is!” He says dramatically.
Eddie hits the buttons, turning on the radio instead, Heroes by David Bowie starts playing, “here, just for you, King Steve.” He snorts. Not knowing that this will turn out to be a bad idea. Steve tenses up when he hears the song but Eddie doesn’t notice, he is too focused on the street as he backs out of the parking spot.
The song takes him back to last year, back to you.
“If you had to give us – our relationship a song, which one would it be?” You asked him as you sat on his lap.
“A Song?" He asked, chuckling.
You nodded with a smile on your face as you looked through your new polaroid pictures that you have taken with him in the snow. He leaned his chin on your shoulder and tightened his grip on your waist.
“Uh– probably, Heroes.”
“By David Bowie?”
“Yeah.”
You nodded, humming. For a moment, it was silent between the two of you, you placed the polaroids back on the table and turned to face him.
“Isn’t it sad though?”
Steve shrugged, not thinking as deeply as you did.
“He sings,” you cleared your throat and looked at him shyly. “And you, you can be mean,
and I, I'll drink all the time. 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day. We can be heroes for ever and ever. What d'you say?”
Steve was smiling at you, his heart was fluttering in his chest and you, you were blushing by the time you were done singing.
He poked your waist and leaned in to kiss your cheek, giving you one of his rare soft moments. “Exactly, he sings ‘we’re lovers’.”
“You are not listening to the rest of the song, Steve!”
“Then keep going.”
“No,” you giggled.
“Please,” he whispered, pouting. “I love your voice.”
You rolled your eyes, playfully. You kissed his cheek and began to sing again, clearly loving the sweet moment between the two of you when he watched you with soft eyes. He cleared his throat and picked you up, laughing at the squeal that fell from your lips, he leaned in to steal a kiss before he placed your feet on the ground. He grabbed your hairbrush from your desk and held it up to his lips.
“I, I will be king and you, you will be queen.” He sang.
You giggled and walked backwards as he began to walk you towards your bed.
“Though nothing will drive them away. We can be Heroes, just for one day.” He furrowed his brows as he tried to remember the rest of the lyrics. He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you back against him, “and we kissed, as though nothing could fall.”
“You forgot the rest of the lyrics–” he cut you off with his lips on yours, kissing you passionately. He pulled your body so close against his, he could feel your heartbeat.
Now he feels his heart breaking in his chest.
Maybe it’s the ache in his chest, maybe it’s the alcohol in his system or maybe it’s just a combination of both that makes him break down in Eddie Munson’s van. Startling the man who was bobbing his head to the music until he heard Steve’s quiet sob. Stopping at the red light, he furrows his brows and looks over at Steve.
“Uh– you good?” He asks. He feels a little stupid to ask him that, clearly, Steve is feeling anything but good. He taps his fingers against the steering wheel and presses his lips together. How does he comfort a man that he doesn’t even like?
Steve cries softly, the shame isn’t there yet, right now, he doesn’t care that he is crying in front of Eddie who could tell everyone that King Steve broke down in his car while listening to David Bowie.
“Need a tissue?” Eddie asks even though he knows he doesn’t have any in his van.
Steve just shakes his head, clearly wanting to be left alone.
Eddie nods to himself, taking a deep breath, he sighs. Eddie knows why he is crying, it doesn’t take him long to figure it out. The moment he saw him getting drunk at the Hideout, he just knew.
He doesn’t say anything for the rest of the drive over to Steve’s house. The music and Steve’s soft cries sound through the van. A part of Eddie pities Steve, the other part doesn’t – after all, it’s all his own fault.
He pulls up into Steve’s driveway, still remembering the way to his house from the last party he threw back in august when he had first talked to you. He stops the car and turns down the music a little.
“We’re here.”
Steve nods. He wipes the tears away and he reaches for the door handle but he doesn’t leave, not yet. His eyes fall on the note lying on the floor, it must’ve slipped out from his notebook. He instantly recognizes your handwriting and his heart drops a little when he realizes that you are writing them for someone else now. It’s not affectionate or romantic, the note only says ‘good luck on the test today. Can’t wait for the milkshakes you promised!’ Next to a smiley.
“I miss her.”
Eddie didn’t expect to hear those words from him. He leans back in his seat.
“I-I miss her so much,” he whispers. “I-I don’t know what to do without her. I want her back.”
“You have a girlfriend, man. You left y/n for her,” Eddie mumbles. “Do you even know what you want?”
Steve feels the bile rising in his throat. He feels sick.
“I do now, b-but it’s too late.”
Eddie glances at him. The look of sadness and the tears are genuine and so are his words but there isn’t anything that he could say that could make Steve feel better. He doesn’t deserve you, you are too good for him and you have suffered enough to give him another chance to break you again.
“I don’t know what you wanna hear, dude. You broke her heart and you did it in such a fucked up way too, there’s no coming back from that.”
Steve isn’t sure about what he wanted to hear but it’s definitely not that.
“Just leave her alone, you’re only making things worse,” Eddie sighs as he thinks about you. “Go home, Steve.”
Steve sniffles, he opens the door and nods.
“And don’t ruin the night for her tomorrow.”
Steve’s eyes widen, he looks at him through the tears. “She's coming?”
Eddie nods, “yeah, her friends convinced her to come.” He can see the look in Steve’s eyes, it’s the same one he sees in your eyes. He loves you, which makes everything so much more confusing. Why did he leave you for someone else when he loves you so much?
Steve blinks. He looks down for a moment, staring at the note that makes his heart ache. “Oh okay,” he whispers. “T-Thanks for driving me home.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, this is the most kindness he had ever shown to him.
“Don’t mention it,” he mumbles. He narrows his eyes at him. Steve doesn’t move yet. The look on his face tells him that he wants to say more.
“Spit it out, dude.”
Steve looks up. Tears continue to brim in his eyes, the words are strangled in his throat. He takes a few deep breaths as he tries to stay calm.
“T-Take care of her?”
Eddie wants to tell him that you are capable of taking care of yourself but he decides against it. He nods. Even though he can’t understand why Steve did what he did, he can imagine the self hatred and the sadness he is feeling. A flicker of sympathy flashes in Eddie’s eyes.
“I will.”
Steve almost breaks down when he thinks of your words again, of the way you cried when you begged for him to leave, when you called him bullshit.
He walks away when he feels like breaking down again.
He fumbles with the keys, almost dropping them when his hands begin to shake. He manages to open the door, he steps inside and closes it. Leaning against it, he drops the floor and buries his face in his hands, a broken sob leaves his lips.
He knows he has to let you go, the way you let him go but how?
How?
-
You stare at your reflection in the full length mirror. You apply the red lipstick that Chrissy convinced you to get when you stopped by the drug store after you bought the dress that you had caught your eye the last time you went shopping with them. A black, glittery dress. It’s not too tight but it’s not a wide one either, though it fits your body perfectly. The straps are thin and it has a cut on the side. You love it. It’s not something you would usually wear, you always opted for the colorful dresses but, you feel like it’s time to switch things up.
How you let them convince you to come to the dance after all? You have no idea but the thought of spending another night filled with tears made you feel miserable.
Heather is standing behind you with the curling iron as she finishes off the rest of your hairstyle.
Some Christmas song is playing on the radio, the room smells like a mix of hairspray and perfume.
“Can I ask you something?” You ask as you stop applying the lipstick.
She hums, glancing at you through your mirror.
Heather purses her lips, she pulls the curling iron away from your hair and twists the wave.
“Is it just me or is Chrissy being weird towards me?”
“What do you mean?” She asks. But you can see the knowing look in her eyes, you know she – they are both not telling you something.
She runs her fingers through your hair and smooths down your waves and applies more hairspray.
“She’s just, I don’t know. I feel like she’s keeping something from me,” you mumble. “And she seemed so sad when I agreed to go with you.”
Heather hesitates to speak up. You can tell that she is trying to come up with a lie.
“She’s probably just sad because she has to go with Jason Carver.”
You look down at your painted nails and nod, “yeah, I guess.”
“Which I totally get, who would want to go with him?” Heather tries to change the topic, you know she is.
“Literally no one,” you snort. “But he will probably be the new King of Hawkins High once Steve and Billy graduate and the naive freshman girls will throw themselves at him,” you say with a disgusted look on your face.
“God, that’s a disgusting thought,” Heather says. “Let’s talk about something else – look at you,” she smirks as she leans down, placing her finger under your chin, she raises your head, “queen of Haw–”
“Don’t say that,” you groan as you tilt your head up to look at her.
She chuckles and ruffles your hair a little. “You look amazing, now get your ass into that dress and let’s go. Maybe Munson will show up for you and steal you for a dance,” she wiggles her brows.
You roll your eyes but you can’t fight the smile off your face.
“Shut up,” you mumble. You reach for your half finished drink. Maybe it’s not a good idea to drink alcohol but you need it, right now. You don’t plan on getting drunk, just a little tipsy to make it through the night.
You both finish getting ready, you put your dresses on and take a few polaroid pictures in front of the fairy lights in your room. You throw a mint into your mouth and spray more perfume on yourself, hoping that your mom won’t smell the wine on you.
She doesn’t notice it or at least, it seems like she doesn’t. She takes more pictures of you and Heather in front of the Christmas tree before you leave.
The school hall is bustling with people, loud music is playing and everything is decorated in gold, red and green colors – fitting the Christmas season. Your arm is linked with Heather’s. She seems excited, you feel overwhelmed.
The lights are flashing, girls in colorful dresses rush past you with their dates. You look around, trying to spot Chrissy but you don’t see her anywhere. You sigh, the first few minutes of a big event are always the most awkward ones.
Where do you stand? Where do you sit? Who do you talk to? Is it too early to dance? Is it too early to leave?
“Hey, are you okay?” Heather asks.
You nod, smiling at her.
“You seem a little overwhelmed.”
“I’m fine, I-I just need something to drink.”
“A drink?” A deeper voice asks. One that instantly makes you roll your eyes.
Billy steps in front of you with a smirk on his face, he eyes you up and down before he looks over at Heather, checking her out as well. He is wearing a tux, the button down underneath the jacket is almost fully unbuttoned.
“You look slutty, Billy.” You joke, “you’re lucky Mrs. Myers isn’t around or you’d be sent home for violating the dress code.”
He chuckles darkly, leaning closer to you, he holds up one finger, “the slutty look is exactly what I was going for.”
“As always,” you snort.
“Do you wanna dance?” Billy asks you.
“No thanks but Heather wants to dance.”
She turns to you with wide eyes and red cheeks.
“I know you want to,” you whisper into her ear before you pull away and place her hand into Billy’s, who smirks at you.
“I’ll drown you in the punch if you don’t treat her well.”
He only laughs in amusement, clearly not taking the threat seriously.
“Y/n?” Heather glares at you.
“Have fun, babe.”
You know all about her not so secret crush on Billy – she is good at hiding it but you saw right through it.
You make your way over to the snack table. Waving at some of the girls from the cheer squad who are taking pictures with their dates.
A huge bowl is in the middle of the table, filled with red liquid and fresh fruit. You wonder if someone spiked it with alcohol yet. You pour some of it into a cup and take a sip. Definitely spiked. You down the rest of the drink and pour yourself a second cup.
“Hey.”
You freeze. You stare down at your drink. Yeah, you definitely need the alcohol tonight. You haven’t talked to him since that night, you sat next to him during English class today and you had submitted the essay together but you didn’t talk and you hoped that it would stay that way. You didn’t want to talk to him anymore.
“Careful with the punch, Tommy spiked it.”
You turn around to face him, his eyes widen a little when he takes in the sight of you. He looks you up and down, not in the same way Billy did but in a way that leaves your skin crawling and your heart racing.
He is wearing a black tuxedo with a red bow tie. His hair looks amazing as always but his eyes are filled with sadness.
“Good,” you mumble as you drink the spiked punch.
“Y-You look beautiful,” Steve says. His heart flutters, you steal his breath away. The dark eyeshadow makes your eye color more prominent. Your red lips look so kissable and the dress looks like it was made for you. You are perfect.
“Where’s your girlfriend, Steve?” You sigh. You refuse to look into his eyes, knowing that it will only make things worse.
He blinks, furrowing his brows. He looks over your shoulder to where she’s standing with Jonathan, smiling at him. “She’s uh–” he stops talking when he sees you walking away. He sighs, clenching his hand into a fist, “shit..”
You already feel like going home – you knew you would run into him, you still weren’t prepared, you never are. You are sick of the feeling he leaves you with whenever you see him. You are so over it.
You take a seat at your assigned table and look around, finally spotting Chrissy in the crowd. She’s dancing with Jason, you can see the forced smile even from a mile away.
You can’t stand him. You always hated the way he treats others – the way he thinks that he is so much better than everyone else and the way he thinks he can have anyone he wants. The way he uses Mrs. Cunningham’s liking towards him to force himself into Chrissy’s life, knowing that she doesn’t actually like him.
You relax a little when you see Heather heading towards Chrissy, pulling her away from Jason so that they can dance together. You lean back in the chair and sip on your drink.
You wish you would have stayed at home.
You wish you would have listened to Eddie when he said that this sucks.
You feel like a loser, sitting by yourself at this empty table, sipping one drink after the other as your eyes continuously move back to him. You see him with her and it breaks your heart all over again. By now, you should be used to it and you were – you have gotten used to this. To him not being yours anymore, to him loving someone else, to him being with someone else but then he turned everything upside down.
His confession left you in shambles. He had broken everything, again. All the strength you have gathered since the day he left you, he took it all away from you with a few words and a kiss that almost happened.
He loves you, that’s what he said. But he is here, holding her in his arms, kissing her as though he didn’t try to kiss you, two nights ago. He is dancing with her, whispering things into her and holding her tightly.
None of it makes sense to you.
If he loves you so much, then why is he dancing with her as though nothing ever happened?
Why is he still with her?
Is she a rebound now or were you just the backup plan all along?
The girl he’d come back to once things with her go downhill?
Are they already going downhill?
Is that why he told you he still loves you?
So that he has someone to come back to?
You feel so miserable. The longer you stare at him. You begin to feel worse and worse.
Not even a dance with your friends helps you lift your mood. Not even the compliments and the nice things that people have said to you tonight, make you feel better. Nothing makes you feel better but you force a smile on your face, a happy one. The way you always do and you dance with Heather and Chrissy, holding their hands and pretending to have the time of your life when all you wanna do is go home and cry yourself to sleep.
It’s when you find yourself sitting on the bleachers with a sad expression on your face, ready to say ‘fuck it’ and go home, that your night takes a turn for the better.
You don’t hear the footsteps coming your way, you are too busy looking at all the happy couples. Someone clears their throat.
“May the Master of Dungeons have a dance with the ethereal Queen of Hawkins High?”
Your eyes widen and a smile tugs at your lips, you straighten up and turn to look at Eddie who playfully bows in front of you with a smile on his face, getting a few weird looks from the other, which neither of you care about.
A giggle falls from your lips, “Eddie!”
“Come on, give me your hand, Queen.”
You laugh and place your hand in his. He pulls you up and smiles at you when your eyes lock. “Look at you,” he beams. He raises your hand over your head, “give me a twirl,” he winks.
You roll your eyes, playfully. Giving him the twirl that he asked for, you can’t help but giggle when he begins to whistle.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart!”
He grabs your waist when you stumble a little. He instantly smells the alcohol on you.
“Thank you, Eddie.”
He eyes you with a smile on his face, “love the smokey eyes and the dress – honestly, you look like a witchy fairy.”
“A witchy fairy?” You laugh, tilting your head.
He puts his hand over his heart, “I mean that as a compliment – a badass witchy, fairy, shit, I’m gonna have to create a character based on you now.”
You shake your head, laughing at the concentrated look on his face. He is wearing a white button down, a few buttons are left undone, one of his tattoos is peeking out from beneath the shirt, and a silver chain is around his neck. His curly hair looks as good as always.
“You look amazing, Eddie.”
He raises his brows in surprise, his dark eyes light up.
“Thank you, badass fairy witch,” he winks. “Look, I stole these pants from Wayne, I have none without holes in them,” he laughs, pointing to the black pants he is wearing.
You can’t even help but giggle.
“I thought this isn’t your thing,” you say. Gesturing to the dance.
He shrugs, “yeah well, I thought you could use a dance partner.”
Your gaze softens. A feeling of warmth and comfort rushes through you. “You came for me?”
He holds your hand tighter, “who else would I come here for?” He asks as he looks into your big eyes.
“My knight in shining armor,” you tease.
He snorts at your words, “come on.” He says as he pushes you in front of him and leads you into the middle of the dance floor, pushing some jock out of the way. You can feel the eyes on you, you can see the weird looks from the cheerleaders when they see you with Eddie. It only makes you scoff at them.
A squeal leaves your lips when Eddie suddenly twirls you again, laughing when you hold onto his hand tightly. He wraps his arms around you from behind and leans in, “let me guess, you had some of that spiked punch?” He whispers into your ear.
"Absolutely,” you giggle and turn around to face him. You place your hands on his shoulders.
“Bad girl,” he smirks, tapping your nose.
“I learned from the best.” You tap his nose back, making him laugh.
Steve watches you and Eddie with an irritated look on his face. You seem so carefree and happy with him. So familiar. Like you have known each other for a long time already. You melt into his touch so easily and laugh at whatever he is whispering into your ear.
The feeling in his chest is sickening. He knows it’s jealousy. He can’t do anything about it though. The girl in his arms is his, you aren’t – not anymore.
Every breath you take by The Police starts playing. Some leave the dance floor, some stay to slow dance with their partner. Steve pulls Nancy closer and looks over her shoulder to see what you will do.
Eddie pulls you closer and you wrap your arms around him, you lay your head on his chest, melting into him so easily. It breaks Steve’s heart a little. He feels tense, it’s hard to see you with someone else, even when Eddie said that there is nothing but friendship between the two of you, it certainly looks more than just that to Steve.
You don’t even notice the weird looks you are getting from the people around you. You are only focused on him. The thought of you and Eddie somehow hurts more than the thought of you and Billy. Because Billy would be nothing more than a hookup but Eddie? Eddie is a good guy, one who will treat you well and love you the way he couldn’t.
“Is everything okay?” Nancy asks as she lifts her head to look at him.
“Yeah,” he mumbles with a frown on his face. “Why?”
Her blue eyes are filled with confusion, she shrugs, “you seem tense.”
“I’m fine, Nance,” he says, softly.
“Okay,” she smiles.
When she lays her head on his chest, he squeezes her and looks back up. His breath hitches in his throat when his eyes lock with yours as you rest your chin on Eddie’s shoulder, who’s back is turned towards him. For a moment, you look at each other. Steve’s heart begins to beat faster in his chest, the longer you look at each other. He longs for you. This, all of this, feels so wrong. He shouldn’t be here with her and you shouldn’t be there with him.
But while his eyes soften, your eyes harden.
His are filled with longing and sadness.
Yours are filled with indifference.
You look at each other for a few long seconds and then you take one final look at him before you tear your eyes away from him. Somehow, that felt like a stab to his heart because that moment felt like the end. The realization that it is truly over makes his blood run cold. He feels paralyzed by the pain that he had caused himself.
Eddie tightens his hold on you when he feels how tense you are, he looks down at you with a look of concern in his eyes.
“Do you want to get out of here?”
"Yes, please."
next part
only tagging friends & mutuals
@mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @screammunson @hellfire--cult @imjuststeddietrashatthispoint @sherrylyn628 @somethingvicked @nemesis729 @taintedcigs @take-everything-you-can
#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington angst#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington fic#stranger things fic#stranger things angst
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Breathe. | Choi su-bong (Thanos) x Nam-gyu
Summary; Where Nam-gyu basically has a breakdown inside the bathroom followed by huge dysphoria and the person he least expects talks him through it all.
Info; Gender dysphoria, trans!Nam-gyu, it’s like one of my hcs pls don’t attack me, anxiety, panic attacks, mentions of death (avrg squid game behavior), drugs, mentions of blood, idiots in love, kissing, actually js fluff mixed w angst, Nam-gyu w sensory issues if you squint!!, self-harm but without necessarily cutting, suicidal thoughts, bathroom fight shit doesn’t happen for their sake, they’re both emotionally constipated, Thanos just being Thanos honestly, coming out of the closet, unbinding, bruises, cuddling, acceptance, probably ooc but again who cares, just tbh actual tooth rotting comfort for our boy<3
Notes; I think writing became sort of a hyperfixation.. it’s so bad I gen can’t sleep so here you go goobers! Also don’t attack me for the trans nam-gyu hc I js saw that man and I was like; ‘this one’s going to my big hcs list’..
Nam-gyu has been feeling shaken ever since they came back from that stupid mingle game, sure, he was high off his mind just like Thanos was but.. he wasn’t sure why he felt so shaken up. The blood tainted his once pristine white sneakers, making him grimace as he remembered the pools of blood on the floor.
Fidgeting with his anxiety ring, Nam-gyu bit the inside of his cheek as he pushed the bathroom door open. He could still very clearly hear the screams and shouts of the people dying outside, the cries piercing his soul. He cursed under his breath, leaning against the sinks.
It took him a bit to realize his hands were fucking shaking like hell. He brought a hand up to his hair to tug on it, feeling that desperate urge again. But he stopped, instead, he kept his gaze down on the sink as that same hand that was once meant for his hair turned the tap on.
He splashed cold water onto his face, once, twice, thrice. And then with the support of both hands, he looked at himself in the mirror, he still had fucking blood smudged on his face. His stomach churned, the back of his hand wiping the blood away, completely forgetting about the tap, rather, he just let the water keep running.
Nam-gyu couldn’t help but stare at himself in the mirror, had the drugs seriously worn off that quickly? No, he didn’t think so. Maybe the real problem was him, he hated feeling affected by that stupid fucking game.
But of course he was the problem, it wasn’t a surprise. From a problem to another, as quick as it came, his thoughts began scattering, his hand fidgeting with his ring viciously as he tried to will his body and mind to calm the fuck down.
Again, Nam-gyu looked at himself, really did. And he cringed at the sight, some of his hair was sticking to his face, he looked exhausted, which was no surprise. And then finally, his gaze focused on himself overall, most importantly, his features. He remembered Thanos, hell, he was so.. masculine.
It wasn’t only his personality, but his looks. Compared to how he looks, Nam-gyu looked horribly like a girl, something he despised to be or even think he would ever be. But in this moment, he just knows he looks like a girl.
Nam-gyu cursed under his breath as he ducked his head down, nimble fingers tightening around the sink as he tried to at least regulate his breathing, but he felt sick to his stomach. Not only because of that stupid round but because of himself.
The way he looked made him want to carve himself out, maybe get out of this skin somehow that seemed to trap him in a place where he felt like he was constantly going to lose his fucking mind.
He shivered, fuck, when had he gotten so cold? The feeling wasn’t exactly unwelcome, anything rather than this was.
He swallowed hard, feeling the itch on his skin. He got that whenever he was in moods like this, it’s as if his body knew he wanted to claw himself out of it, it was ironic.
Nam-gyu felt nothing short of pathetic, and yet he began itching his skin. He damned himself for not bringing a small knife with himself, it could have done wonders to what hems feeling right now.
The itching just intensifies, it begins to hurt. But it’s a welcome feeling of pain. His mind drags him to the lifeless corpses he could see through the slit on the door, eyes glazed and blood seeping out of them as the gunfire ceased.
Nam-gyu could feel his vision get blurry, slowly, reverently but surely. He bit down on his lip, the hand that wasn’t viciously scratching his arm as if to try to get himself out was clenched in a fist, his nails, albeit short, dug into his skin.
He was crying again, Nam-gyu hated feeling like this. Hell, he hated everything. He just desperately needed to get out, or maybe all he needed was a bullet in his brain, out there he was nothing and in here he was worse than nothing. Maybe he could steal a pill or two from Thanos to calm his nerves, but it didn’t feel ideal, especially when he became sober so quickly.
His mind felt hazy as he furiously scratched and dug his fingers and clawed at his skin in his arms, he couldn’t see because his eyes were so damn foggy. He couldn’t hear anything since the only thing he could hear was his heart beat thudding strongly in his ears, a sickening reminder he was still alive and would be inside this fuckass body.
He bit his lip to stifle what he guessed was a sob, his hands were shaking again, and Nam-gyu felt like he couldn’t fucking breathe. His chest felt heavy, too constricted to suck in too much breath, the exact amount he needed.
He winced as he moved, the pain finally seeping in. He remembered binding tightly before leaving to this place, so.. he probably hasn’t taken this stupid binder in three days straight, oh, Nam-gyu bet this would do a number on this situation.
A quiet sob left his lips as his legs wobbled, doubling over while one hand still held tightly onto the sink, the water still running. His legs felt like jelly as his hand went to his chest, this was pure fucking torture at its finest, even though this was his own fault.
The reason why he’s like this right now is because he isn’t a fucking boy, Nam-gyu gritted his teeth. He would be able to breathe properly if he was a boy, he wouldn’t need to bind his stupid chest if he wasn’t a boy, he wouldn’t need to cry himself to sleep or fight with internal transphobia if he was a boy, Nam-gyu was just playing a boy, he realized. Or maybe it was just his mind speaking.
He only panicked further when he couldn’t breathe properly anymore, he was practically wheezing. And he was alone in the damn bathroom.
But not for long, really. Because Thanos apparently couldn’t leave people fucking alone when they took too long. Thanos, as always walked in carelessly, not noticing the scene at first.
"Hey, Nam-su, you were taking forever, bro. What else could be better than talking to the great Thanos?" But the next moment, Thanos knew something was off. First of all, he didn’t get a reply, and second of all, he could hear quiet sobs.
His gaze darted around until it fell on a familiar bob, Nam-gyu was sunken to his knees, shaking. Visibly crying and wheezing for air, Thanos didn’t know how to react. He was never good at comforting people, and wasn’t the best with making them feel better through words.
And yet, either way, his feet unconsciously moved to Nam-gyu as he crouched down in front of him. The other man seemed too caught up in his panic to notice, so, gently, Thanos reached out very slowly and wrapped his hand around Nam-gyu’s wrist.
The eyes that met his own were all familiar, but also weren’t. Nam-gyu had a huge ego and was a huge goof, but now.. Thanos couldn’t help but frown as he saw the tears clinging to his eyes as they slipped down, collected on his chin and then fell. His gaze was wild, hell, almost even scared. Thanos was definitely sure this was the closest to frightened he’d ever see Nam-gyu get.
"Nam-gyu, hey, hey man look at me." Thanos said as he held the other’s chin, it was almost scary how he was shaking so badly. "You need to take a breather, you look like you might run out of breath." Thanos said, but it didn’t do anything. Goddamn it, Thanos hated not knowing what to do, hated feeling powerless.
"I c-" He heard Nam-gyu choke out, was he trying to say 'I can’t'? Thanos was worried as hell, he couldn’t understand shit while his friend was nearly out of fucking breath.
Nam-gyu’s hand clawed at his chest, as much as he felt scared to come out, which mingled with his whole anxiety, Nam-gyu felt like he was being tortured. And thankfully, Thanos got the hint. "Is it something wrong with your chest?" He asked as he saw how Nam-gyu seemed to try to get something out. So instead of questioning, he shut up and began taking the tracksuit jacket with the other’s number off. Then, his shirt.
Thanos could easily tell Nam-gyu was almost afraid of this, he was hesitant, tense, even. But if this was cutting off his air supply, Thanos would have to get whatever this dude was using or wearing off.
His lips parted in a small 'O' as he caught the sight of a chest binder, but he brushed it off, now wasn’t really the time to be shocked. "You need to get this off before you pass out or some shit." Thanos said, and Nam-gyu just nodded, feeling lightheaded already, sobbing hurt, trying to suck in a breath hurt like a bitch.
He turned around with his back to Thanos as he felt the other unclasp the binder, his hands were too shaky to work something out, and he felt instantly relieved, like a pressure in his chest was gone, but he still couldn’t properly breathe. But before he could ponder on it too much, Thanos was already speaking up.
"Try to match your breathing rhythm to mines, in and out very slowly." He finally said, and Nam-gyu complied. After what felt like five minutes, Nam-gyu finally had managed to breathe. Calming down as he let out a shuddering sigh, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Great, now he had a headache and he felt pathetic.
He had forgotten about his binder, though. He was snapped out of it when Thanos began awkwardly talking; "You uh, really shouldn’t use that thing for too long. It was too tight, dumbass." The words didn’t have his usual bite to it, he seemed almost.. worried, as if he would be, Nam-gyu thought.
"What else would I wear, then, genius?" He snorted, actually caught off guard when he felt his shirt slip back on and the sound of a jacket unzipping. He turned around to see Thanos handing him his jacket, for some reason it was somewhat baggier than his own. Or maybe Thanos was just looking for an excuse for Nam-gyu to wear it. Either way, he was quick to put it on and zip it up. Maybe he was right, plus, Nam-gyu didn't want bruised ribs.. more than they already were. And his chest really wasn’t that hard to hide either way, Nam-gyu was just a bit paranoid over it, and binding felt more safe.
He sat down and leaned against the wall with his head tilted back, he felt exhausted, really. The silence became somewhat awkward with a tinge of comfort. "I’m not going to judge you, you know that, right?"
Nam-gyu paused, finally catching Thanos’ eyes. "You don’t have to lie if you find me a freak, I mean, hell I’d understand if you didn’t want a fake b—" Before the final words of the sentence could even tip off his tongue, Thanos shushed him.
"Do not say that, you hear me?" Thanos scoffed. "To me, you’re still the same crazy junkie who gets me, I’m not about to kick you out." Nam-gyu felt a weird flutter in his chest and maybe more weight being lifted off of his shoulders.
"I don’t see you any differently from how I used to." Thanos added, averting his gaze. "So, you’ll still give me the pills?" Nam-gyu added jokingly, but deep down he was being slightly serious, as much as he relied on Thanos, those pills kept him somewhat more sane to not hurt himself. "You never change, do you? I would call you a drug addict but I’m nowhere better."
Nam-gyu sniffled, ducking his head down as he let out a quiet smile before looking back up again, and then, their faces were a bit closer than he initially thought they were. And Thanos was looking at his lips. And then the next second, he felt his lips on his own.
They were slightly cracked, chapped against his own as he kissed him back, nothing too rough or demanding, it was pretty.. gentle. His lips felt sweet, and he found himself leaning into it, it was weirdly calming. Soothing to his soul in a way he didn’t quite dislike.
And yet, the moment was just ruined by a guard knocking on the door loudly declaring the lights would shut off soon. They both broke away, and Nam-gyu shoved his binder somewhere inside his pocket, ignoring how it appeared like a bundle inside of it and cleaned his face, following right behind Thanos who went in front.
As expected, most players were already in bed by the time they were there back, Nam-gyu really just felt the need to knock the fuck out, it felt like the only thing that would really calm his headache down.
As they walked towards their designed bunks, Nam-gyu held onto Thanos’ pinky finger, letting the other just lead him, really. He didn’t think much of it when Thanos finally lay down and motioned for him to do the same.
Nam-gyu lay next to Thanos with his back pressed to his chest, closing his eyes that were so heavy that he thought he might as well fall asleep standing up. He felt one arms around his waist, and one on his hair, deftly twirling a strand. It was easy to lull him to sleep, he was already pretty much exhausted anyways.
Maybe Thanos wasn’t the worse person in the world, in the end.
I wrote this while half asleep and while I did my biology work, srry for anything. Also I am not transgender so forgive me if I did anything wrong, I didn’t mean to be offensive in any way!! Anyway, enjoy<3
#thangyu#squid game thanos#player 124#player 230#nam gyu#choi su bong#thanos squid game#squid game season 2#124 x 230#thanos x nam gyu
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London Thoughts and The Events Since
Alright, y'all have been requesting it, so here we go...
First, let's take a step into a little story shall we:
26 y/o boy living on his friend's couch trying to make it as an on-screen actor (but a sweet theater nerd at heart). Starts a new relationship with someone also into theater. It's homey and nice and going well. Boy is about to give up on breaking out of theater when BOOM now introducing Colin Bridgerton. Boy meets girl playing his romantic counterpart in the show and BOOM what is all this warmth he feels for her. Boy is in awe and just mesmerized by this girl. The boy loves this girl. But wait, the boy is a little bit younger than the girl, and the boy has a girlfriend. The boy wants to make things work with his girlfriend. He loves her. So the boy pushes those feelings down and becomes good friends with the girl, but they flirt with each other constantly, and others start picking up on an energy between them. The boy's girlfriend also starts picking up on the energy between her boyfriend and the girl. She knows what her boyfriend looks like when he is in love. The boy and the girl are going to finally be the leads in the show. It is a very exciting time, and the boy and girl get a lot closer. Things with the boy and his girlfriend start to sour for various reasons, and the girlfriend starts to get a little insecure and jealous of the girl. The boy tries to distance himself from the girl, but then has to redirect all his attention on the girl when they start filming their season. This is the breaking point with the boy and his girlfriend, and they part ways. The boy and the girl channel all of their pent up sexual chemistry and feelings into their characters, and they are having an amazing time. The dials on the flirting turn to 11, and they start toying with the idea of acting on their feelings in private. Eventually, they do. Their season wraps up, and they are having a great time with each other in private. Things are going well for a while, and they are playing sneaky little SM games with the fans to tease that they might be a little more than friends. However, the girl is pretty jaded about love, and has not prioritized that part of her life in a long time. The girl also really likes the boy, and doesn't want to mess anything up between them. The boy is ALL IN though, and wants something more than casual. The girl puts the breaks on the relationship, but there are a lot of deep feelings for each other that both of them have still not shared. The boy then goes on a HBS and casually dates people who seem totally different from the girl because the boy is a little heartbroken, and does not want to be reminded of the girl. The boy is also not emotionally available, because the boy and the girl never established firm boundaries on what their relationship will be moving forward. Eventually, the boy meets someone that he has fun with, and she gets along with his friends. However, the boy and the girl come back together to finish filming for their season, and ALL of the feelings come flooding back. But the boy is again (kind of) in a relationship, but BOOM the boy and the girl then have to spend the next 6 months promoting their season all over the world with all of these unresolved feelings...
Alright, I have to say, I had a lot of fun writing that 😂 Soooo, these are my theories on where L/N were at when the PR tour started in January. And then I already talked about my theories on what happened between them on the PR tour. Which leads us to London...
London
I will say this, I personally didn't observe any MAJOR changes in the nonverbal cues in how L/N were interacting with each other in London. Also, which was particularly telling to me, N still had the total heart eyes for L (you can tell because L has this habit of losing track of what he is saying when she is looking at him like that, which he did at least twice from what I remember during the various interviews they did in London). She also just had this happy glow about her like she was really at ease and content (which I also thought was interesting because they both must have been SOO tired by this point 🤔). HOWEVER, I did notice that L seemed a little more anxious than normal, and started using more distancing language and just in general seemed way less on-board with the shipping around L/N. And by the London red carpet, I realized something big was going on internally for L based on the body language and behavior. SOME of that I think is because red carpet events are just challenging for him in general (might have something to do with his anxiety and ADHD). I also think though that there was a lot more going on BTS during this period than we were privy to at the time. Here are my thoughts on what was going on during London (based off everything we know now):
Let's first remember the goldmine that was Ireland (which was JUST a few days prior). And I choose to believe N that L/N stayed the weekend with her family (which is still WILD to me that she admitted that on a public interview, because people are obviously going to read into that 🙃). And also WHYYY would she lie about that, when it's such a personal thing and had nothing to do with the show. I mean yes, maybeee she was lying, but it just doesn't really make sense to me that she would lie about THAT.
I started noticing near the last leg of the tour (by Toronto), N started to be a LOT more obvious about her feelings for L, and was making some pretty big slip-ups (and personally I observed that it seemed L was the one who was noticing and trying to correct for that and not let the WHOLE cat out of the bag). Now why was N being so obvious? SHE WAS REALLY HAPPY WITH HIM. And I think this is a lot newer for N because she has been so jaded about love and romance for such a long time. Even though I firmly believe L fell first, I think this was a lot more of a big deal for N because she hasn't had something like this in a long time (imo). So she was just really excited and giddy and having a hard time hiding it.
I think L/N had some conversations while they were in Ireland about how they were going to handle their public narrative moving forward, because like I mentioned in my A theories here, L was always going to have to start publicly distancing himself from N (REGARDLESS of what was actually going on with L/N BTS). And personally, I think that started by the promo in London, which I think was kind of jarring for the public that was following along considering L/N's behavior just a few days before in Ireland.
Therefore, I think a lot of this change in body language and responses from L was coming from the feelings he was having around this, as well as knowing that soon he would have to go public with A. I'm sure this was incredibly stressful, and as we know, L is not very subtle or good at lying/hiding his true feelings. However, I don't think this shift in L was coming from any type of shift in feelings between L/N. I think by London, L had become super self-conscious and in his head about everything, and I think he was just ready to be done with the promo because it was giving him a lot of anxiety. I think a lot of those feelings though were coming from wanting to protect NICOLA. I think L/N had a plan on how they were going to handle distancing in their public narrative after the London premiere, BUT I personally believe A hijacked that narrative...
To Papgate and Beyond
So, I think we all know the events of everything that has happened since the London premiere between L/N/A, and I still stand by my thoughts on the situation here. This is what I will add (again, these are just theories though based on the information we have now and what I have observed):
I am fairly certain that A was responsible for tipping the paps off for the hotel pics because she was upset and trying to reclaim some control on the situation. It was obvious that DM's objective was to sell a certain narrative, and they weren't really able to get that because I don't think L had any plan to publicly acknowledge her that night (mainly based on the damage control he had to do right after, and how L/N were interacting on SM following the event). The only person who benefited from those pics was A, and all the roads lead back to her being involved with DM in some type of way if you look at all the information we have now. Now was L's team involved with the first set of pap pics after the after party? Maybe, I just don't have enough information to say yes or no. I could see though that this may have been planned in advance on his side to start to publicly distance/seperate himself some form N. However, I don't really have any information to prove that, more just a feeling.
I think part of the understanding that L came to with A after Brazil was allowing her to get attention by publicly linking herself to him, regardless of the negative impact it may have on his career in the short-run. I think the reason it seems like he is just passively letting things happen around him related to SM and the press is because HE IS. After Papgate 2.0 and all the information that came out around that, it became clear to me that A has a larger goal to get her name out there THROUGH HIM, regardless of how it makes him look. And I think there is an understanding between L/A that he's just not going to ask questions and let her do what she wants and let the cards fall where they may for right now.
Now you might say, that doesn't make a lot of sense, why would he do that, it seems like kind of a poor choice career wise? Yes, I agree, this was not a great career move (and I think he underestimated HOW MUCH of an impact this was going to have). However, like I have said, it is my belief that L decided he was going to take the bullet for what (MAY) have occurred between him and N on the tour because he's trying to protect NICOLA's public image. I think he had a different plan though on how he was going to introduce A to the public, but once A hijacked that, I think he was kind of just stuck in a situation where he had to let A do what she wants because again, HE DOESN'T WANT A TO LEAK INFORMATION ABOUT HIM AND N.
If ANY of my theories around A that I have mentioned so far are true (and I am almost certain that SOME of them are), there is NO way L/A are doing great on an emotional level. Which is why the public optics around them have looked so strange starting from when she was publicly introduced at Papgate. I think it is also PARTICULARLY telling that even though the cat is out of the bag regarding A, his team will still not publicly confirm she is his girlfriend. Personally, I think that is intentional because it makes it easier to untangle himself more quietly from her in like 3-4 months (which I think is the plan). I could be wrong though of course, but something in my gut, based on everything I have seen, tells me that they aren't all happy and boo'd up like A the press wants us to think. There are just too many weird and shady things going on BTS.
Lastly, I think it was ALWAYS the plan for L/N to publicly disconnect after the London premiere. However, that doesn't really have anything to do with their private relationship. We only see a small sliver of their lives, and we have no way of knowing the full story BTS because we don't know them. I also think a lot of people are struggling with the fact that there was SO MUCH content of them for MONTHS, and now we have been cut off cold turkey. I don't personally find though the lack of content or SM interactions with each other currently as a direct indicator of the status of their relationship (ex: I don't think it's a direct indicator that they have ill feelings towards each other). Let's assume my theory is correct that the PR tour forced the two of them to address some deep feelings for each other that they had been having for a while, and those feelings were reciprocated. And then this newfound evolution in their relationship played out on a very public stage while L was publicly connected to someone else. That is a lot of pressure and incredibly stressful. I could not even imagine. Therefore, I think L/N are navigating some complicated things in private, but I don't think that it negates the positive emotional shift they had during the tour. I think they need to take this time out of the public eye to explore these complex, newfound feelings and developments in their relationship. I still don't think though that we would have seen what we did between L/N during the tour by Toronto if they weren't on the same page about seriously exploring their romantic feelings at some point in the near future. But those are just my thoughts...
Anywhooo, that concludes my L/N timeline theories 😊 Thanks for coming to my TedTalk! 😂
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Congratulations on 100 followers! 👏 🎉 🥳
This kind of a weird request but I wanted to ask how you would imagine the Fellowship would react/take care of their companion on their period? Like having severe cramps. It can be romantic or platonic relationship it's up to you but I would like Boromir to be romantic.Just lots of fluff basically.🤗
I just really enjoy reading how my favorite characters would take care of me when I'm in pain.😅
Thank you 🥰 oh same because I get reallllly bad period symptoms unless I take my supplements long enough before (and sometimes anyway 😣) so I adore being taken care of by my blorbos 🥺 doing everyone because I wanna write this with Faramir & write some wlw fluff 🥰
LoTR Characters When You’re on Your Period (F!Reader)
Warnings: small blood/pain mentions, a suggestive joke
Aragorn
✧ Your exchange is wordless; Aragorn sees the way you jolt at a sudden shock of pain, catches your eyes and gives you an inquisitive nod. You nod back and that is that, no questions asked.
✧ If you are traveling, your pace slows and Aragorn will hear no two words about it. He allows more breaks, hunts twice as hard, directs you to the softest place to sit and just gives the others firm looks if they try to give complaint.
✧ “Please,” he’ll urge you gently, taking your hand in his, “try to eat something. You’ll need your strength.” Just the sound of his voice, the care therein, practically brings tears to your eyes.
✧ Honestly, it takes a lot for him to suppress his laughter if you snap at one of the others, at least when your outburst is warranted. Glance over and you might catch him giving them an ‘I warned you’ look.
✧ Takes on more fights for you, bidding you to stand back and let him take care of things for once.
Legolas
✧ Perplexed but very concerned when he comes upon the sight of you sprawled out with a grimace of pain across your beautiful face. His first motion is to help you up, secondly asking what ails you. While he looks at you like he does not understand, his actions suggest otherwise.
✧ Every month he learns to follow it, the moon his reminder, and every month Legolas silently begins his gathering. Your favorite tea? Check. Your comfort item? Perfectly clean and ready to hand off. Your bedding? Also perfectly clean and assembled just how you like it. Even Legolas’s words are softer, more understanding in case of sudden complaint or upset.
✧ “It’s like you know what I want before I want it.” “Knowing you,” Legolas replies with a smile, “is my greatest joy.”
✧ Good luck trying to stand on your own; Legolas all but hovers around you, offering a hand whenever you attempt to rise.
✧ He becomes extra protective, taking hold of you by the waist at the first sound or sight of danger, lest anything make it worse.
Boromir
✧ All but bursts into your room the moment he hears that you are bedridden, rushing to take your hand and ask you what has happened in a whisper you can’t help a faint chuckle at before you explain.
✧ Taken visibly aback, Boromir then shakily asks what he can do, smiling when you tell him just to stay with you. “Pretend it’s a wound from some great battle,” you joke. “Oh, indeed,” he agrees before you two begin coming up with more and more ridiculous fights and scrapes you got into, Boromir’s thumb drawing circles over the back of your hand.
✧ He offers to try rubbing where it hurts, applying faint warm pressure over where your lower half is assaulting you. “How is this, my love?”
✧ Uses you having any difficulty with walking as an excuse to pick you up and carry you on his back.
✧ Does your washing up, partially just to prove your teasing about him not being brave enough wrong! He is a warrior, after all.
Gimli
✧ The others alert Gimli in a hiss after he less-than-tactfully panics that you’ve been hurt, sending his lips pursing into a shocked ‘o’ and his gaze sliding back to your stooped form.
✧ “Oh, er, well there lassie, if you need anything at all you know who to call for.” “Well,” you groan, “if you’ve any spare rags I’ll gladly take them.” “Rags? What would you want with…oh. Oh.” “Scared of a little blood, Gimli?” “No, not I,” Gimli replies despite his shaken expression, “I’m so used to the stuff by now, what’s the trouble?”
✧ Insistent as he is that dwarves are the best carers of their women, Gimli quickly works to prove his point and, in his words, win your heart with the lot of it. You’re skeptical when you see him sticking rocks in the fire, but at the end of the day the warmth is heaven upon your aching body and Gimli looks just as pleased as you feel.
✧ He probably also recommends you a strong drink under the claim that it eases pain like nothing else. Whether this is helpful or not is up to you.
✧ Goes surprisingly soft when you curl up, still facing wave after wave of cramps. Reaches over to you and strokes your hair, sitting at your side looking for all the world like a guard dog.
Frodo
✧ Your pain is interrupted by a gasp that has you looking up, meeting Frodo’s wide blue eyes glistening with concern at your sudden jerk. Familiar as Frodo is with pain, he recognizes your motion without a single question.
✧ Urges you to sit or lie still, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head like punctuation.
✧ While you rest up, Frodo tells you stories, stories of his uncle Bilbo’s adventures, tales from the days of the elves, anything to send you to a different place then you currently must be in.
✧ Offers you extra blankets or his cloak if you’re feeling cold or in need of comfort.
✧ Shy as he can be, in your time of need his hands hardly leave your shoulders or your side, quite protective even if he is smaller than you.
Sam
✧ “Whoa, easy there,” Sam tells you as he sits you down, “what happened?” Poor thing thinks you got some bad news or something the way you’re tearing up.
✧ Holds you close to his chest as you let the tears flow, shaking his head when you start to tell him it’s stupid, you’re just in pain and upset. “Can’t think of any more reasonable reasons to cry. Don’t worry, just let it all out.”
✧ Such a sweetheart, he won’t leave your side for hardly anything….except to go pick you some flowers to raise your spirits, of course!
✧ Flushes a bit at the suggestion, but one hundred percent helps you undress and change into more comfortable clothes. Even if he tries to look shyly away as much as possible.
✧ Definitely cooks you something hearty and nutritious, encouraging you to eat even just a little bit. Sam will even hand feed you spoonfuls if you’re feeling bad enough.
Merry
✧ “Oh, yeah, I know all about that!” “You do?” “Sure, I saw what my father did for Mum, after all. Come here.”
✧ Apparently what Mr. Brandybuck did for the missus was to build her the most massive nest of pillows known to Hobbit-kind. “And what’s she do in here?” You ask, waving a hand feebly over your new home. “Well, not sure what they did after that but I think I’ve heard of a way to lessen the pain.” Whether that works or earns him a smack you can decide.
✧ From your pillow pile you become queen of, well, Merry at least, though he puts on an act of being scared of displeasing you at first. You can’t help laughing as he kneels before you, asking what snacks you request or if you’d like some water.
✧ Meriadoc “chugs respecting women juice” Brandybuck has silently vowed to never once make any ill jokes at your expense. No asking if it’s your time if you express any emotion he doesn’t, no teasing you for needing help, no acting like said help is too gross for him, ever.
✧ That being said, he even does your washing up for you!
Pippin
✧ Definitely more the type to fret and worry, hands going to your back as you double over and he asks what’s wrong, are you hurt? Whether your words are sheepish or unabashed, you tell him it’s your womanly cycle and Pippin’s eyes practically pop out of his lovely little head. “O-oh. What should I do?”
✧ His cluelessness is actually perfect for the situation because he truly will do anything you say will help, whether it’s bottling up some hot water, fetching you your favorite snacks, making you tea, even singing you a song if you tell him it’ll raise your spirits.
✧ His absolute favorite thing to do, though, is offer company, tumbling onto the bed with you and chatting the afternoon away.
✧ This quickly evolves, though, and soon Pippin is holding you for dear life, an arm wrapped around the front of you where he draws warm, gentle circles lightly over your pain.
✧ “This isn’t so bad, is it?” You swat him for that, but in spite of yourself cuddle closer and join his sheepish laughter.
Faramir
✧ No questions asked, Faramir is by your side stroking your hair and getting it out of your face if it falls so.
✧ Musing over the strength it takes to fight such internal battles, he cradles you in his arms or, if you prefer not to be touched, holds your hand as he sits at your side.
✧ Well-read as Faramir is, some pain remedies swim to the forefront of his mind and he goes off to seek them.
✧ When you lie down, he tucks you in so softly, that sparkle in his eyes you love so much twinkling just for you. “This will pass,” he whispers.
✧ Blames himself if you get upset sometimes, but is reassured and happy again when you tell him he need never pull away from you.
Eomer
✧ Confused, frankly, at why you suddenly can’t walk, for he cannot conceive of a reason until you admit this is unfortunately quite normal for you.
✧ Asks you why, frowns in greater confusion and sympathy when you say you do not know, acts a little bit uncomfortable about details but still sets out to aid.
✧ Too uncomfortable to ask his sister, he opts instead to seek out a healer and practically demand anything that helps with a woman’s “well, time.” He’s getting the spirit slowly but surely, alright?
✧ Bursts into your room with an armful of everything the healer has, ready to brainstorm solutions to have you right again. You can’t help but chuckle at the whirlwind you’ve just gone through all over some cramps.
✧ He gets quite restless until you call him to your side, asking him to quit fretting and just lay with you. “Ah, that I can do,” he says with a grin.
Haldir
✧ Haldir’s steady expression drops when he learns of your ailment. Everything else he is holding or doing drops as soon as possible, too, and he is going to you.
✧ Taken aback at the sight of you, he realizes he did not know a woman’s cycle could take such a toll as to leave you bedridden. He isn’t used to seeing you so weak and is ready to do what it takes to end it.
✧ He has all these wonderful scented oils, some of which help you sleep, some of which he uses to massage you and hopefully numb the pain.
✧ In addition, he guides your breathing through waves of the ache, looking to the breeze and the rhythms around you to help you relax your body that much more.
✧ Haldir is hesitant to show you excess affection, but if you request it, his arms snake around your waist and he holds you there, both of him breathing you in like you’re all he needs and vice versa.
Eowyn
✧ “Sit down, please, I insist.” As much as Eowyn herself is the type to trudge forth through pain or fear, she would never impose the same upon you, instead tending so gently to you.
✧ Hot water always helps her, so she fetches you some as well as a treat from a baker she passed by, taking your hand after she hands it off.
✧ You had best believe this woman will tell anyone in the whole of Middle Earth to leave you alone as you rest, be they her own kin or the host of the dark lord himself.
✧ As you spend more time together, the old adage about ‘synchronizing’ seems to ring true with you both. Eowyn does not mind, honestly, because you bear the pain together and spend much time together in bed. Not the most ideal of circumstances, but if she can lay in the warmth of your arms Eowyn is a happy woman indeed.
✧ She insists so much upon your care, though, that you’ll practically have to wrestle her down so you can reciprocate…not that she minds that, either!
Arwen
✧ Who better to understand what you are going through? Her brows knit at the first sign of discomfort from you, recognizing the signs immediately.
✧ Without a word Arwen is finding out exactly what you tend to prefer- do you get nauseous and seek relief? Do you desire more sustenance and company or less?
✧ During times when you find yourself more stressed or upset than average, Arwen gives you so much grace, running her hand soothingly down your arm and reminding you all weights feel heavier right now.
✧ For all your pain, there is little bliss like being in the arms of your beloved, her soothing deep whispers brushing your ear.
✧ The most patient if you’re forced to wake up frequently in the night and rise, laying there with nothing but love in her eyes as you return.
Elrond
✧ Wise lord and healer as he is, Elrond is more than familiar with the ailments of women. In fact, he is the sort to track it for you as best as he can. So when he sees you feeling ill, sympathy crosses his serene features but no surprise.
✧ Elrond knows every remedy in the book, so he’s quickly making you some calming tea and sitting you down for some TLC.
✧ Very encouraging for you to take time for yourself and make sure you stay nourished, even if that is difficult. There is no shame in keeping your strength up, after all.
✧ Walks with you just a little ways behind, a hand resting comfortingly upon the small of your back.
✧ Sends cover for you where you are needed, no questions asked, because you are more important than tasks others can perform.
Lindir
✧ Practically trips and falls over himself running to you at your sudden shock of pain, dark eyes wide at the way you folded. You seem embarrassed to tell him and while he feels squeamish at first, that is quickly shaken off as he urges you to sit down.
✧ From that moment on Lindir has dubbed himself your personal nursemaid, naught but the call of Lord Elrond himself taking him from his work.
✧ “No, no, lie back down, I can get it,” he holds out a cautious, almost panicked hand when you wince and sit up, “what is it?”
✧ Sings you songs of all kinds, old tales, his own compositions, and of course your requests, again and again if you ask them of him. His harp is ready to gently play you to sleep or just to keep your mind off the pain you feel.
✧ When you wake up in the night, at first he looks frustrated, but that melts away quickly as your eyes meet, apology shining in your gaze. Instead, Lindir helps you up and sings you to sleep again upon your return.
#lord of the rings#lotr#lotr imagines#lotr x reader#the fellowship of the ring#aragorn#legolas#boromir#gimli#frodo#sam#merry#pippin#faramir#eomer#haldir#eowyn#arwen#elrond#lindir#ask#anon#requested
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Part 2 for stalker
Y/n has spend the last few days just wanting to feel rafes thick length inside of her again
So a few days later his wife is taking longer than usual at work
Y/n thinks he is asleep
But he is wakes up when she pulls his d out of his boxershorts
but he thinks y/n is his wife
So hes just like :"You really missed me that much at work"
And he starts ramming inside of her
Y/n begging him to go harder to spank her
Which is weird to rafe cause his wife doesnt like it rough normaly but he does
Still he is c mming inside of her and not pulling out
Him falling asleep d still inside of her
Stalker - part 2
Summary: you are 18 years old and obsessed with Rafe Cameron - so you stalk him.
Pairing: 18yr!reader x Older!Rafe
18+, no minors
Warnings: stalking, dark content, smut, sorta noncon, (reader forces herself on rafe but he thinks it’s his wife), unprotected sex, p in v
What you read is up to you and you only you are responsible for what you come across and what you decide to keep reading despite the warnings. Please be respectful to my writing and all the other writes you come across in this community thank you
You didn’t think it would happen again. You didn’t plan on it happening again. But when you couldn’t sleep, dreaming of rafe fucking you, you knew you needed it to happen again.
So that’s how you found yourself standing inside his room again, peering over his body like some kind of psycho.
Watching him breathe as he slept.
You noticed his wife wasn’t here yet. Probably at work, or at least on her way home from work.
And by your stalking tendencies, you memorized the route she takes home from work, it’s usually the scenic one, which takes hers about 30-40 minutes to get home. So you had plenty of time.
You stripped fully naked and climbed on top of him.
Pulling his boxers down, but your breath hitched when two strong hands wrap around your wrists.
Your heart picks up pace, your breath shakes as you muster the courage to look up and accept your defeat.
“Mmm, hi honey. Missed me?” Your eyebrows scrunch in confusion. Was this some sort of sick game?
“Was work stressful?” Rafes voice is groggy and you notice his eyes aren’t fully opened yet, he’s still half asleep.
“Mmh” you mumble, playing along. You continued pushing his boxers down until he was fully erect and presenting himself to you. “Well go on then..” Rafe grumbled out with a satisfied smirk on his face.
You didn’t have to be told twice. Your sick fantasy was playing out perfectly. If rafe thought you were his wife then you’d damn sure play the part.
You gripped his base and stuffed him inside you. Both groaning at the feeling. “Shit baby, your really wound up. So tight-“ he grits, “must be really stressed” his fingers run up and down your hips, oddly soothing.
“Let me take care of everything” he flips you onto your back. The room is dark enough to where he can’t make out your face, so you let him maneuver you onto your back and he spreads your legs and shoves himself back inside you.
You immediately clench, gasping as his tip probes that sweet spot inside you.
His thrusts are slow, paced, not to fast and you crave more. “H-harder” you squeak out, “you sure?” He asks confused. “Yes! Please” you moan as you claw at his back.
He moves his hips faster. Rutting into you, balls slapping against your ass, “like this?” He pants against your ear. “Yes yes, oh god yes!” You moan out louder.
Rafes confused, but he doesn’t question it. He’s been asking his wife for months to try something a little tougher in the bed room, but she was never interested, so he’s just happy that ‘she’ finally agreed.
“C-can you… can you spank me, please” you mutter.
“Can i- what was that?” He laughs a little, thinking he didn’t hear correctly.
“I want you to spank me” you say it louder, screaming almost, adding a please at the end.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, baby. But I like this side of you” he flips you over, pulling your hips up and thrusting back in.
His palm snaps forward, landing on your ass and making you jolt forward as you grip the sheets. “Again” you moan into the bed.
He slaps you again, and again. Thrusting into you harder and faster.
You’re so wet, the sound is echoing in the room and the sheets are soaking.
“Honey, I’m not gonna l-last much l-longer” Rafe moans behind you.
“Cum inside me” you moan out as. this angle lets him get deeper.
His tip is in your guts as you clench around him and feel the milky warmth of him filling you up.
He falls down behind you, his dick still deep inside you.
“I love you” he kissed your temple, “thank you for that, it was amazing” he lays back down and it’s not too long before you hear his soft snores and the sound of a car door closing outside. Shit.
Taglist
@f4ll-for-you @rafeysworldim19 @baby19sthings @sevenwivesofrafecameron @rxfecameronsslut @findapenny @r1vrsefx @spencerreidsrealgf @rafescokenostril @thievin-stealing @rafemotherfuckingcameron @dilvcv @starkeysheart @wearemadeofstardust0 @theoraekenslover @mema10
#rafe cameron#outer banks#drew starkey#dark rafe cameron#drewstarkey smut#smut#outerbanks#rafecameron#drewstarkey#fanfic
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Lore Olympus: a golden mine of bad writing
As I said, one post wasn’t enough.
There is still a lot to say about this webcomic and in this post I would like to talk about how Zeus, Apollo and Kronos have been treated. Here I will focus on the first two acts only, because the third act is not over, as well as the story. And yes, that means I will write another post when this whole thing is over.
I wanted to focus on these three gods in particular because are treated in a way that baffles me and makes me question what did they ever do to Mrs. Smythe. Tell me, Rachel: was it something personal? Did they do something to your family? What happened?
But maybe you don’t understand my point, especially if you haven’t read the Greek myths at all and you think that these three are just “Unfaithful Guy”, “Rapist” and “Evil Villain Har Har Who Also Wants To Rape”. Seriously, what’s with this weird obsession with raping everyone and with sex? Did Mrs. Smythe ever see anything else in myths, besides sex?
So please, allow me to explain why their characterizations are wrong and boring - and no, not just from a mythological point of view.
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Zeus: the walking clichè
Making Zeus an asshole is understandable, even if utterly boring and clichè. Oh wow, he's an unfaithful husband and he's vain. Very original. Groundbreaking, I'd say. I’ve never read about him being unfaithful to his wife, not even once in all the 200 million retellings made during the history of mankind.
It's a shame because Zeus is much more than that. He's a mighty ruler with a strong sense of justice: in several myths, he punished the assholes for their wrongdoings. He's very clever and strong. He's also associated with xenia, the custom of offering protection to strangers, which means Zeus is also a protector of foreigners.
I mean, this information alone offers so many new perspectives about him! Just imagine if, instead of hanging around and doing nothing useful aside from being everyone’s favorite punching bag, Zeus fought against every corrupt system of the mortal realm, in order to protect the foreigners and the innocents. It would’ve been so cool to see a different side of him, instead of the same thing over and over again!
But nope, Zeus = unfaithful husband only. Let’s ignore all the other aspects of him, to focus on the one everyone focuses on. Let’s make him the umpteenth version of the same guy, instead of offering a new vision. This will surely make the story worth everyone’s time!
Rachel, this could’ve worked if I was 12 and had never read a retelling in my entire life. But since I’m more than twice that age, seeing Zeus as an unfaithful husband again doesn’t get my interest. And I’m sure this doesn’t only apply to me, but to everyone who already saw at least two retellings of him. Isn’t this story supposed to be new and original? Then why are we still picking from the same old clichè visions of these gods? Where is the writer’s personality and ability?
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Apollo: king of wasted potentials
I am absolutely, completely, 100% baffled at how Apollo has been treated in this story.
It's insulting to see the most beloved Greek god treated as a bidimensional piece of shit. Not only because he doesn't make any sense in the story (why is he here in the first place? Did Persephone and Apollo even interact in any myth?), but also because there are so many different possibilities for him, that seeing him being this is the biggest waste of potential I’ve ever seen.
A brief recap of who Apollo really is: Apollo is the embodiment of the sun. He is the god of arts and crafts. He's the most beautiful god, he embodies the concept of perfect Greek beauty. And he is associated with a lot of cool stuff, like medicine, truth and oracles. Also, like most of the other Greek gods, Apollo had many male and female lovers.
Now, look me in the eye and tell me that, with all of this, your first idea about him is "yeah, let's make him a stupid rapist, so stupid to not realize that hey, maybe forcing a girl to sleep with you will not make her fall in love with you". Oh and let's not forget he randomly decided he wanted Zeus' throne just after the fertility plot point had been introduced Because Yes. And he’s running for president of Whatever-Land Because Yes. Also, he’s currently involved again in another evil plot Because… yeah, you got it.
It’s just so frustrating to see him being the biggest loser of all time, considering how much cooler he could’ve been. Just think about it: we could've had a bisexual musician, who does concerts with his band (the Muses) and has a shit ton of lovers. We could’ve had a heartbroken doctor, who does his best to save everyone because he has not been able to save his own son from death (Asclepius). We could've had a mysterious advisor who can see the future because of his foresight powers.
What did we get instead? A fucking rapist.
Apollo is nothing but wasted potential. He’s an insult to himself, the story, common sense, and the Greek culture. Of all the incredible things he could've been, he became the most insulting of them all. I really cannot bear to see this fucking idiot and his punching-bag face, pretending to be Apollo. He’s not Apollo.
But if there is a guy I can see less than him, then let me introduce you to…
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Kronos: Supreme Master of Wasted Potential
First of all: why is Kronos here? Why does this love story need Persephone to defeat a big bad guy? Just to show how cool and badass she is? Considering that their fight was a joke, it didn't work very well.
But okay, let's say we need a villain Because Yes. Kronos is still a huge waste of potential, probably the biggest waste of potential of the whole series until now. He could’ve been an interesting, multifaceted character, but he became a cartoonish supervillain har-har I want power.
Sigh.
But let’s take a step back and talk about the real, mythological Kronos. His story starts with his parents, Uranus and Gaia. The two had a lot of sons, including Titans (like Kronos) and Hecatonchires (monsters with fifty heads and one hundred arms). Disgusted by their monstrous nature or maybe just out of fear of being overthrown, Uranus chained his sons away into Gaia's womb (aka the Tartarus) so that they could never come out again.
Gaia suffered from this decision, so she devised a plan: she made a stone sickle, gathered her sons and tried to persuade them to castrate Uranus.
All of her sons were afraid of Uranus, Kronos was the only one brave enough to do it. And he was successful: he overthrew his father and became the new ruler of the universe, along with his wife/sister Rhea.
However, after becoming king, he didn't free all of his brothers as his mother wanted, but locked Hecatonchires and Cyclopes away once again. And so, Gaia told him that, one day, he would meet his father’s same fate and be overthrown by one of his own children.
Scared by these words, Kronos devised a plan: every time he had a new child, he took the baby from Rhea and swallowed them. Rhea was desperate and, in order to save her last son Zeus, she sought Gaia's help.
So Rhea gave birth to Zeus in a secret place, then handed Kronos a stone wrapped in clothes: he swallowed it, thinking that it was his son. This way, Zeus managed to escape the same fate as his siblings and was raised in secret, away from his father, until he was old enough to come back and fulfill his destiny.
And now, you may think Zeus overthrew his father with a sword and killed him and nah nah nah, myths are not that stupid and predictable. Zeus didn’t use violence to overthrow his father, but intelligence. He disguised himself to reach Kronos' court and, at the right time, he gave him a drink. That drink was an emetic (given by Gaia), that forced Kronos to throw up everything he swallowed, in reverse order: first the stone he thought was his last son, then Zeus' brothers and sisters.
After freeing his siblings, Zeus did what his father would've never done: he released the Hecatoncheires and the Cyclops to help him in the following battle against Kronos and the other Titans, a battle known as Titanomachy.
The war ended with the victory of the Olympians (i.e. Zeus and his siblings). Many Titans were confined in Tartarus, under the Hecatonchires' control, others were not imprisoned and kept appearing in other myths.
And Kronos? His fate differs depending on the myths. In some versions, he was imprisoned in Tartarus. But according to other, more interesting versions, Zeus forgave him after years, freed him and Kronos became king of the Elysian Fields: the famous earthly paradise reserved for the greatest Greek heroes.
Now. Just look at all of this beautiful, beautiful potential.
We have Gaia, a powerful goddess who overthrew two rulers of the universe, without moving a finger. A goddess strong and clever, but also a mother who wanted all of her children to be free - even the most hideous ones. She could’ve been a tragic figure, a master manipulator, or an evil schemer. Or all these things!
We have the Hecatonchires: fighters so powerful, to turn the tide of any battle. They could’ve been scary and intimidating, but also tragic monsters who just wanted to be accepted. They could’ve taught a beautiful lesson about the importance of accepting the ugly and giving everyone a chance to prove themselves.
Then we have Kronos. And Kronos had everything to be the greatest character.
Think about this concept: Kronos has always been afraid of Uranus, just like his brothers. He was just better at hiding his feelings. And that visceral fear is still inside him, it still haunts him after centuries, just like the memory of how he overthrew his father. And that fear takes the shape of paranoid thoughts about his father coming back to take the throne.
Kronos could’ve seen his father haunting him, but he could’ve also dissociated and seen himself as his father. In his altered state of mind, he could’ve been both the king and the one who overthrows him.
That could’ve made him a truly dangerous, unhinged character. A god who can’t see what’s real anymore, obsessed with the ghosts of his past. A god with nothing to lose and everything to gain. After all, if he kills his children again, the throne would be his once more. And, since he sees himself as himself and as his father at the same time, he would think that he is the "true king" coming back to take his throne.
That could’ve been awesome. Kronos could've been complex, desperate and multifaceted, a villain to pity and to be afraid of. A truly new, interesting version to know and love.
And do you have any idea how incredible Zeus could’ve been in this version? We could see him facing Kronos again, still as strong and determined as when he was young. And while everyone would expect him to kill Kronos, he would use his intelligence once again. He would prove to Kronos (and to everyone else) how intelligence is always superior to violence and how he's a good leader, despite his thousands of flaws.
Also, we could've seen Zeus talking to the defeated Kronos and making him the ruler of the Elysian Fields. We could've had a meaningful ending, in which Zeus understands Kronos' fears and shares his own.
I would’ve adored this, because according to the myth, Zeus was also supposed to be overthrown by a son! Hence why he swallowed Metis (his first wife) while she was pregnant.
The myth never truly clarifies who this supposed "son" is, but according to the different versions, Metis was pregnant not with a son, but with a daughter. A daughter who, one day, would be born, full grown, from Zeus' head. A daughter who would become Zeus' favorite child: Athena.
Honestly? I ADORE the idea that there was never a son to overthrow Zeus, but a daughter. And she would not overthrow his father by violence like her grandfather or by intelligence like her father, but by love. Athena doesn't need to take the throne from her father physically, she doesn't even need to sit on that throne: not when her father loves her more than anything else.
And I love the idea that Zeus is aware of that. He knows his daughter is his weakness. He knows that, if she asks, he will willingly give her that throne, because he loves her too much. And I would've loved to see him sharing these thoughts with the defeated Kronos. It could've been a beautiful moment, to see Zeus talking with the fatherly figure he always missed from his life. It could've led to a beautiful, meaningful ending for a dramatic story.
But can you see the problem here? This concept works for a story about Zeus, not about Hades and Persephone! These two have nothing to do with Kronos! Heck, even Rachel Smythe knows it, considering she had to pull a stupid plot point out of thin air, to explain why Kronos would give a damn about Persephone!
In case you were wondering: yes, the fertility-magical-power-battery-thing is bullshit. Gods don’t need a magical battery to be powerful. And no, fertility goddesses are not rare either: Aphrodite, Demeter, Hera, even Artemis are just a few of the fertility goddesses in Greek mythology. Kronos could’ve picked his favorite from a large pool, instead of becoming an absolute creep with Persephone in the stupidest fight of all time.
And speaking of that, two words on the supposed “fight”. First of all, apologies to all fights for being associated with this thing, because this was anything but a fight: it was a cartoonish conversation accompanied by the umpteenth sexualization of Persephone, who first appeared fully naked, then with a dress so stupid to defy the laws of physics and perspective.
And if you don’t believe me, please see it by yourself: this is how the dress was supposed to be, according to episode 75
This is how it ended up. Apparently, the Fates didn’t predict how huge Persephone’s boobs would be and the neckline didn’t grow accordingly: I feared to see one of them slipping out from it anytime during the “fight”
Also, please appreciate how Persephone is turned to the side, but the dress’ stupidly huge neckline is shown from the front, otherwise we would’ve seen her full naked boobs.
And that stupid neckline kept bothering me throughout the whole “fight”, because it kept changing size. Check the episodes and see it by yourself: sometimes it’s smaller, other times it’s wider and it keeps moving in impossible ways. It drove me insane.
But since we’re talking about drawings, please allow me a very brief parenthesis about them too.
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The drawings are a joke
I am not an artist. I can barely draw a straight line by hand. But I studied art history, perspective, proportions and colors, so I’m not completely clueless.
But you don’t need to be clueless, to notice how bad the drawings became. If you have two eyes and saw another human being in your life before, then you can notice by yourself how bad they are.
It’s not a secret that Lore Olympus’ art style changed over time. In the beginning, this comic was characterized by a lot of straight lines and geometric shapes, alternating and mixing with gentle curves. There were blur effects, colored outlines, a lot of details that gave an overall dreamy, ethereal vibe to every chapter (like the soft glow that accompanied the gods).
But as the story progressed, these elements disappeared. The geometric shapes gave way to an overall “softness” and roundness. The dreamy vibes and blur effects were replaced by sharper, clearer drawings. A distinct black outline now marks every character.
And speaking of characters, they were the ones who changed more. Lore Olympus always had funny, silly faces but the characters were also able to be serious and look natural. Now all we have are grotesque faces: the characters are a collection of caricatures and no one has a normal expression anymore. Check by yourself, by confronting a random episode of the third act with the first one: they’re two different worlds.
The disproportions were common too, since episode one. But at least they were somehow plausible, while now they’re completely absurd. It’s as if Mrs Smythe completely forgot what a human being looks like.
And this is pretty evident in how all characters became a rough draft of the two protagonists: all women got Persephone’s face, all men become buff and huge, with wide-ass shoulders and teeny tiny heads. This is particularly obvious at the end of season 2 / start of season 3, when we see some of the funniest images ever, like Hades with a tiny head and shoulders as wide as the entire USA
Or this hilariously bad image of Zeus with clown shoes and a head as big as his deformed hand.
No excuse can justify these drawings: no one is running after Mrs Smythe, nor forcing her to draw, and people are paying her real money to work on this webcomic. The least she can do is draw something that doesn’t look like a bad distortion of a human being.
Unless this isn’t her drawing, but her staff’s work. In that case, they are still paid to do their job, right? Or do they think this story is a joke and decide to show how much of a joke it is, by turning everyone into a grotesque caricature?
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In conclusion
Lore Olympus is hilarious because of how bad the writing is. It’s a manual example of how not to write a climax for your story. It’s a perfect demonstration of how you can still fail, even with great characters with endless possibilities. It’s a list of all the mistakes you can make as an artist.
If you’re a writer or an artist in general, please check Lore Olympus and study it. Here you will find everything you should never do and all the mistakes you should never make.
As a writer myself, I appreciate Lore Olympus, because I need works that teach me what I shouldn’t do. Good teachers are useful, but bad ones are even more useful, because it’s thanks to them that I can learn and grow and make better stories. Lore Olympus might be a failure from an artistic and writing point of view, but it might also serve as a foundation, from which other people can develop better ideas.
Actually, it already did it! Do you want to read a better story, rose from the disappointing ashes of Lore Olympus? Then check Lore Rekindled and @genericpuff: you will find their work here on Tumblr. They planned everything ahead and it’s pretty clear by reading it. The characters make more sense, the events have a more logical explanation. And the art style is much, much better than the last Lore Olympus.
We will meet again for the third and (for now) final post about this series, a much-needed post about the protagonists of this story: Hades, Persephone and Demeter.
<- Previous post - Next post ->
(How about a coffee? ☕)
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TAGLIST:
@royalprinceroman @mudpuddlenl @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @whatishappeningrightnow @effortiswhatmatters @bella-in-a-bag @doydoune @forever-third-wheeling @payte @hypnossanders @idontreallyknow24 @imcrushedbyarainbowoffical @patton-cake @hereissananxiousmess @purplebronzeandblue @cynicalandsarcastic @lost-in-thought-20 @andtheyreonfire
@riseofthewerewolf @rosesandlove44 @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan @arya-skywalker @csi-baker-street-babes @queen-of-all-things-snuggly @reesiereads
@dracayd-universe @starlightnyx @stubbornness-and-spite @averykedavra @joyrose-fandomer @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing
@thatoneloudowl @grayson-22 @softangryfuckingdepressed @theotherella @boopypastaissalty @nevenastark @varthandiveturinn @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside @coldbookworm @snixxxsmythe @charmingcritter @analogical-mess @emphasis-on-the-oopsie @selfdestructivecat @yangwalkerao3 @the3rddenialist
#lore olympus#lore olympus criticism#lore olympus critical#anti lore olympus#lo criticism#lo critical#anti lo#greek gods#greek myth#zeus#apollo#kronos#lo zeus#lo apollo#lo kronos
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Hellooo~
I just found your blog rn and I immediately fell in love with your works(especially sukuna ffs).
I love the way you write sukuna and reader's relationship.
And if ur ok with it, may I request a sukuna x reader angst? Maybe where reader is a sorcerer and she got badly injured and got into a almost death situation during a fight and sukuna is smh guilty for it??
You can ignore this if u want to<3
-🍪
Author's note : Hi hi ( ꈍᴗꈍ)oh my gosh im so happy to hear that!!!thank you so much darling!it makes me super happy
Mhm,i love the smell of fresh angst with happy ending in the midnight lmao. I'll gladly write it!! Hope you enjoy this,Cookie-chan!
Warnings : Sukuna Sorcerer au!,angst,injury and blood,happy ending!
*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘
You knew this would happen,and you were happy to rub it in your idiot boyfriend's face with a big "i told you so."
That is,if you make it out alive.
The curse before you lets out a loud noise, something akin to cackle,as it watches you with it's multiple eyes. You glare,but even you know it's lost all heat;with blood oozing out of each part of your body,you can barely even keep your eyes open. Your body feels weak,and all of your joints hurt like hell. Your eyes drift to where you broken phone is laying and you just hope that your help signal has gone through before it was damage for good.
"ah," you mumble as you spit a mouthful of blood on the ground below; watching as it drips down on your hands, "today sucks. Its all Ryo's fault."
Your hazy eyes turn up and you watch as the curse dances around;each one of it's disgusting eye spinning around wildly as it looks at you with glee.
The son of a bitch is having fun killing you.
"you're lucky, y'know," you giggle slightly from how slurred your words sound; the blood lose making you lightheaded, "If Ryo was here,he would've torn you to pieces. But, he's an idiot."
Because he really was; starting that morning with the message from the higher ups about your new mission, you had told Sukuna that it would end badly. You had told him more than twice that something smelled fishy;that the higher ups were out to get you. But Sukuna,had dismissed your worry,and with a small scoff had said you're paranoid. At least,now with you dead,he would be proven wrong.
You grin maniacally at the thought;serves him right.
Leaning your back against the tree,you watch with bleary eyes as the curse steps closer;you dont even care. You're too tired to fight back. So you just sit there, thinking about all the things you'll miss;your friends and family,that one bakery with those delicious coconut buns,your boyfriend Sukuna,and most of all-
"i never got the chance to hear him say i love you..."
Maybe out of everything, you'll regret not dating your boyfriend sooner.
You're so lost in your thoughts,that you dont notice the sound of the curse has been faded away. And when you hear a small shriek,and hurried footsteps running your way,you just close your eyes and drop your head. You're fully expecting the curse to rip out your heart,when gentle,but frantic hands,take hold of your bloody cheeks and raise your head slightly. With a pained groan,you open your eyes just enough to see a heap of pink,and a familiar pair of red eyes.
"Ryo...?"
"yeah,yeah babe. Its me," his voice is steady,like always,but you can hear a small undertone of worry and it brings a smile to your lips.
"told ya..."
The hands on your cheeks rub at the corner of your lips to wipe away the blood.
"yeah,i know. And I'm an ass for not believing you." You feel yourself shift,and with foggy mind, realize he has lifted you up in his arms, "I'll make it up to you. Promise."
You giggle and rub your head against his chest;his scent already soothing your mind.
"can i have those sweet buns then?with hot chocolate?"
"whatever you want. First, let's get you fixed up yeah?"
You mumble your agreement and close your eyes. And when you wake up the next time,its to a tray full of your favorite sweet buns and a warm mug of hot chocolate.
Your boyfriend embraces you tightly,and kisses your forehead.
"i love you."
And maybe getting almost killed,was worth it after all.
*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘
P.S : I love coconut buns and im currently craving some so i had to add them lmao.
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GHOST OF YOU — SOLDIER BOY "PROLOGUE"
Pairing: Soldier Boy x Female!Reader
Warnings: Language
Word Count: 907
Author's Note: Hello everyone! If there is any confusion in the writing or plot I am so sorry. The clarification and plot will be explained in the author's note at the end of the prologue.
I hope this is a good start. I had an account on here a long time ago but I had quit writing. I am back now and OBSESSED with Soldier Boy. I knew if I was going to come back into writing it would be about him. I am going to try and keep this constant and add a chapter weekly, but if I finish one sooner I will post it as soon as possible.
IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
Soldier Boy, Ben, has been through it all.
He's had to endure the absence of his mother, and his father only viewed him as a burden.
Ben was given the opportunity of a lifetime. Thanks to Vought American he became one of the first supes created by Compound V. Thus it resulted in him being used by Vought for American propaganda films, making him a sex symbol and publicity superhero.
Being born 1919 and living all the way up to the 1970s. Time had been on his side. He never faced the consequence of old age so he saw different ideas, inventions, and development come to life.
Despite Soldier Boy living a lifetime he felt he had reached his peak when Payback had been created. Not only did he have his sidekick, there was other members that have shown him loyalty (to him it did not matter whether it was out of fear or respect), and he had the love of his life; Crimson Countess. At least he thought that was the love of his life.
Then there was you.
The grey part of his life. You were the forbidden fruit that he was not allowed to take a bite out of. Soldier Boy did not give a fuck though. He took whatever it is that he wanted and the entire time you were with Payback he took every and any chance possible. Soldier Boy loved Crimson Countess, but you were his adoration.
There was something special about you, and he has never been able to point his finger at what made you so special.
Was it the attention he received?
Your unconditional loyalty?
Was it your superpower that made him respect you? Because technically, you level with him. After all you are able to absorb any power with a single touch. That's why you were called Mimicry.
Soldier Boy didn't let it bother him. He had you and no one was going to take that away from him.
Until you stopped it all.
That's where everything went downhill for Soldier Boy.
You were not stupid. Soldier Boy would have never settled unless it was with Crimson Countess. You knew what you signed up for when you tangled yourself with him. Though there came a point you wanted something more.
Someone else came into your life and swept you off of your feet. They promised you a relationship, marriage, and a family. Your partner was okay with you remaining in Payback. When things got serious you stopped going after Soldier Boy. You remained loyal to Soldier Boy because he was the leader, but there was a limit now and it tortured him.
He reached his breaking point when you randomly decided to resign from Payback. No one wanted to tell him the truth. You knew he was going to try and find out one way or another. So you told him the truth.
You're pregnant. You were expecting with your husband.
Soldier Boy never believed words could hurt worse than any bullet, stab, burn, or anything. You left and never came back to Payback.
No amount of alcohol, drugs, and whores could erase you. No matter how many times he told himself that he loved Countess and wanted a family with her erased you.
His cruelty was beginning to show more with his teammates. It had gotten so bad they betrayed him and he had yet to realize.
Years had passed already and you moved on with your family. Though you still had your contacts within Vought American and someone confessed what actually happened. You did not think twice about finding him in Russia. You were so close and yet so far.
You were able to free him and you were only one door away before getting shot down. Soldier Boy was indestructible, you weren't. It felt like time slowed down for you both. Just when you fell to the floor he followed behind to hold you. He saw the light leave your eyes. That was the only time Soldier Boy felt hopeless. This time, he actually wanted to be a hero and save someone. He wanted to save you.
Soldier Boy believed this was his punishment for all eternity. It was torture every time he was awaken to be experimented on. What was agonizing was waking up every time and be reminded that you were unsuccessful in saving him. It was because of him you had died.
That was until he— saw you again?
Wait, that makes no sense.
You are dead. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD.
And yet, when the chamber was opened once again you are there. Though you are in different clothes. Your hair is styled differently. This has to be some sick and twisted torture to see if that will make him break. Though he saw no scientists around, only a group of men and one other woman. Soldier Boy was too confused, but he saw an opportunity to escape so he did.
Though the question remains now.
Who are you?
You, this new version of you, isn't who he remembers as you.
You are the complete opposite.
You are not Mimicry.
You are not on compound V.
You are human, and yet you are the very much alive ghost of the love of his life.
How is that even possible? Whatever the answer might be Soldier Boy is determined to find out who you are and how is it even possible.
Next Chapter: Chapter One
Author's Note: Let me clarify now in case there was confusion. You wanted to help in finding the weapon that killed Soldier Boy, and it turns out he himself is the weapon. What you did not know is that you are the human "doppelganger" (or clone? Whatever suits you best) of your ancestor whom he was in love with while Payback was still a thing.
#jensen ackles#soldier boy#soldier boy x reader#soldier boy x female reader#soldier boy x y/n#soldier boy fanfiction#soldier boy x you#the boys series
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(In which I spiral down a rabbit hole with Midoriya that has little to do with @codenamesazanka 's original post that started this (x). FYI I sorta separated Deku/Izuku to indicate Deku as the hero and Izuku as the person outside of heroics.)
I started thinking about this post again (see the link above) and how Deku doesn’t really understand that non-perfect or sanitized victims exist AND still need to be saved and not by destruction. (The "maybe killing someone does save them" thing is a great way to assuage guilt but it's a stupid copout.) Deku (hero) and more importantly Izuku (person) doesn’t really understand that though because he WAS a “perfect” victim. Midoriya stayed quiet and inconspicuous and didn’t make a fuss about the bullying or discrimination he faced, he just kept his head down and hoped that something would change without any real effort on his part. And if he had died as a result from the bullying he would’ve been hailed as an unfortunate victim (of who? or what? Don’t worry - isn’t his death so tragic? oh well now on to our next news story -), so any critique of society and the individuals who reinforce the status quo don’t actually have to do anything. I know there’s more nuance here and lot of cultural things happening with this all but I’m not gonna dig into that right now.
Moving on! Quite frankly the boy didn’t live long enough to get out of his childish mindset and get some “righteous" anger at the wrongdoings and failings of society. All Might came along when he was still starry eyed and hopeful to lift Midoriya out of the trajectory of his life and Izuku never had any time to get to the point where he comes to terms with the hurt caused society’s rejection of his self and get angry about it. As such, he can’t understand the league. It probably doesn’t even occur to him that he's missing that understanding because for him it worked out - he got the attention and support to be able to escape the circumstances of his birth/quirklessness and to leave the box (deku) that society shoved him in. Twice and Toga never had that support – they both lived how they needed to in order to survive in a world not meant for them until they broke down. (Maybe that's why Vigilante Deku AUs were so popular back in the day - they speedran Midoriya past the hopeful kid stage and to a point where a lot of the fanbase was in their own lives - seeing the issues in the world and wanting to affect change.)
Izuku, for all that he claims to want to connect to the villains, hasn’t given enough thought or empathy to understand how continuing to live a life where you don’t fit in with society can be deeply hurtful as well as the emotional repercussions of having unchangeable parts about yourself be reviled. This isn’t to say Izuku had it easy - of course Izuku went through hardships but.... there’s a big difference between living through stuff as a kid and finding a way out of it vs living through that, growing up, maturing, and in turn looking critically at society. But I can’t bring myself to fault Midoriya for those exact reasons because he's just a kid. He doesn’t have the perspective to see outside of himself – at least not for the villains. Because that seems to be too far of a stretch for him? But Todoroki was close enough to Izuku’s mindset for him to help back in the sports festival arc. I also acknowledge that he's a teenager and IS capable of critical thinking, but from what we've seen, his schools have never actually made the students examine the world they live in - which is a different skill from quirk analysis or historical or literary analysis or the various writing exercises that students go through.
(Believe me – you can have the brightest kid but, most of the time, unless you point out the shortcomings of their mindsets, it won’t occur to them to look further. (Not necessarily assuming that they’re wrong, but rather that their consideration of life is not as expansive as it should be. Especially for a kid wanting to be the greatest hero and save everyone.) For example: many abled bodied people don’t realize how inaccessible places can be until someone brings it up to them or they find themselves in that situation (like a temporary crutch or wheelchair). It’s through no fault of the able bodied person that they weren’t aware enough to consider it in the first place, but what they do once they realize physical accessibility is an issue, is on them.) Back to the point – hero society never calls attention to it’s own shortcomings despite the proof quite obviously existing and the people within society don’t seem to spare much thought either. The adults who have seen more of these instances are then of course more culpable in this than the kids who haven't.
So, Midoriya was also failed by society (cough all might cough) as well, but he chose the hero path - to save people. We see him starting to consider the deeper issues in his talk with Uraraka, and the few times he “tries” to talk to various villains shows that he is aware enough of underlying issues - which makes it his duty as a hero to do something about it. In that way, he is at fault. He chose a profession to devote his life to that should require this of him. And through his hero work, Midoriya has seen the problems in society and yet he’s chosen to turn away from them (and by problems/them I’m referring to the villains “too far gone to save” and the issues they represent).
(Sorry Midoriya, but considering we’re nearing the end and you haven’t shown any growth in this area….. I am faulting you for metaphorically pushing your head in the sand. I do want to be wrong though. I really want the kid to prove me wrong.)
And he’s able to turn away from them guilt free, in part, because he’s gotten the proverbial thumbs up by his classmates that it’s ok and that they’ll just be better and be model minority heroes and that will fix the problem! Because they’re positive representation! Or something? If you can put your mind to it that will fix things! Just try harder! Again, very idealistic but they are kids, so it comes with the territory. (Horikoshi didn’t have to make them unquestionably right in that approach though. Toga and Uraraka coming together for the win! The Shoji and Spinner match up not so much.)
Overall, there’s something about how Deku still fit into society's boxes in an acceptable way and never truly faced what existing outside of "acceptability" was like. Don’t get me wrong it’s tough to live in the mha world as a quirkless person and of course it has its problems and restrictions, but that’s still a box that society provides for, even if the society in question doesn’t like it.
And I'm not saying that Izuku had to live through a terrible life to understand the villains! Just that, he has the capacity to look outside himself and be empathetic, but the application of it is lacking, despite knowing there’s problems, despite having LIVED with some of those problems. Extrapolate, boy!!!! You don't need empathy to reach out to others but the whole compassionate/kind Midoriya thing has been touted since the beginning! So I want to see it!
(Not sure how much sense this will make to people, but there’s a maturity that comes about with either time or certain circumstances that can be hard to grasp unless you’ve lived through it. And quite frankly, Midoriya hasn’t. He went from a perfect/acceptable victim to the top tier of society (heroes).)
(Basically: Midoriya never **matured in the restrictive environment he grew up in and can't emotionally connect with the league who did, because of that. Instead he seems to have internalized the "if they were better" or "if they were truly good" then there wouldn't be a problem because just look at his classmater!, so villains being villains is their own fault and no one else is culpable.)
**centers on the idea that someone starts off as hopeful in regards to their discriminated position in life and over time matures to understand how society supports that discrimination and come to terms with the hurt that it's caused them personally (and in this case to fight back against it)
also, if you made it this far, i'm just having a fun time reading codenamesazanka's posts about the latest chapters
#my hero academia#bnha#the bee talks#i promise i have nothing against midoriya! but there's a lot of build up with him that's gone nowhere currently....#having thoughts! having so many thoughts!#honestly i just feel bad for horikoshi. from what i gather he didn't want mha to drag on this long or it took a different direction#and he's been working on it for so many years. i don't fault him! it's his story! but i can still have a fun time analyzing it#ok i've stared at this for too long. i'm posting it and heading out#mmm is midoriya letting his own life experiences cloud his judgement of the villains? perhaps!#i would love to sit those kids down and make them learn how to reflect (in the academic sense)
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Can you do a smutty slash fic? Where the reader has been bratty all day and when they finally get from where ever ( your choice:P ) he puts her in her place? 🤭
A/n: I think I just have to accept that I will forever have asks in my inbox no matter how much I write 🥲 (seriously tho I love everyone who requests things you make me want to write 😘)
Warnings: Smut, oral (m receiving), degradation, daddy!kink, fluff at the end, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!
Yours and Slash's relationship was something new, to the public at least, really you'd just moved in with him and the relationship was going fine.
Of course, everyone felt the need to know everything about your relationship. Slash didn't want to go through with an interview just as much as you, but he also knew it would be good for publicity and if you just did one it would be over.
Eventually he convinced you to go along with it and you went.
If you were gonna be forced to put your relationship on full blast then you were going to put the whole thing on blast. The interviewer would ask personal questions about you, Slash would start saying something about how it was inappropriate but you'd cut him off and turn the question on him.
"So, Y/n, what's it like to be in bed with a rockstar?" The interviewer would ask.
"That's not-"
"He's really whiny." You'd say, Slash staring daggers at you. "He likes being handcuffed to the bed and calling me mommy." It was hard to keep a straight face sometimes but most people got that you were joking and saying shit out your ass just to avoid the questions.
But the interviewer kept asking questions like that so you kept answering them like that.
Slash was itching to leave and as soon as he was given the go ahead he started dragging you back to the car, asking you what the hell you thought you were doing.
"You know you like calling me mommy." You teased, he'd shoot another look at you.
He practically through you into the backseat of his car and climbed in on top of you, quickly trying to get your clothes off. "Wait, can we get home first?" You said in a panicked voice. "There's just- there's so many people here who could see."
"Exactly." He said, tossing the rest of your clothes on the floor. "I'm gonna show them exactly what happens when I fuck you." He pulled his pants down, just enough for his cock to spring out. "Suck it." You looked at him with wide eyes. "Did I stutter? Fucking suck it."
You kneeled on the seat and leaned over, laying a few kitten licks to his tip before his pushed himself down your throat, gagging you. He didn't let you go, a harsh grip on your hair as he used you like his own personal toy.
You felt him twitching in your throat, his groans getting louder until he finally came down your throat. He held you down on him, making you choke on his dick before letting you sit up.
You coughed and wiped your mouth as you sat back. "Open." You gave him a confused look. He took you by the wrists and pulled your hands away from your face. Understanding what he wanted you opened your mouth, moving your tongue around so he could see you'd swallowed it all. "Good, turn around." You did as he asked, staying on all fours as you turned to face away from him.
His hand came down on your ass harshly once, twice, three times, before he pushed into you, setting a fast pace from the start.
The car shook and filled with your loud moans, apologies spewing from you as he fucked you. "Fuck! Fuck, m'so sorry, m'so sorry, please!" You whined.
"Shut up." He demanded, holding your hips in a tight grip as his hips slammed into you over and over. "You love this, fucking say it."
"I-I love this." You mumbled.
"Like you fucking mean it, bitch." He said, emphasizing his words with another slap to your ass.
"L-love this." You whined. "Love how you feel inside, please."
"Please, what? Use your words." You could feel a knot tightening in your gut at his words.
"Please, Slash, lemme cum."
"Please, who?" His hand landed on your back, pushing you down onto your chest.
"Please, daddy! Please, daddy, lemme cum." You cried, tears streaming down your cheeks and onto the leather seats.
Slash groaned behind you, his head rolling back. "Say it again."
"Daddy, please, I-I need it so bad." You felt his hot cum hitting your walls, but he stopped moving, taking away all friction and taking your high from you.
He pulled out, slapping your ass once more and shoving himself back into his pants before getting out of the car. You watched as he felt, feeling him dripping out of you.
"Get up here." He ordered once he was in the drivers seat. "Now, fuck are you doing back there?"
You hesitated a moment before picking up your clothes. Slash took them from you and through them out of his door. "Don't need fucking clothes."
"I'm not just crawling up there." You protested.
"No, you're getting out of the car and coming up here like an adult."
"But-" You started, cut off by a glare from him.
Nervously, you waited for there to be no one but you were in a busy place, there was always a few people. You tried your best to cover yourself as you got out of the car. When you went to open the passenger door it didn't open and you saw him chuckling to himself as he locked you out.
He wasn't actually terrible and let you in before more people saw.
The drive home was silent, aside from a few sniffles from you. You saw people staring at you, your chest. Any catcalls were met with Slash flipping them off or pretending to swerve into them.
Eventually he gave you his jacket to cover up with and he didn't force you to leave the car even once you got home, taking you in his arms and holding you while you cried in the driveway.
"I'm sorry, love." He repeated. "I love you, you know that, right?" You nodded, nuzzling into him. "Just don't go saying that shit on TV again."
"Don't put me on TV again."
"Deal." He said with a smile and kissed your forehead.
#guns n roses#guns n roses fanfic#guns n roses x reader#gnr#guns n roses smut#gnr fic#gnr fanfiction#gnr x reader#guns n roses imagine#slash#guns and roses#gunsnroses#slash guns n roses#gunsnfuckinroses#slash gnr#gnr rp#slash hudson#slash fic#slash fanfiction#saul hudson
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Thoughts on Jod Na Nawood and Where We Go From Here
So, Jod Na Nawood. Spoilers ahead for 1x05, read at your own risk.
After watching 1x05 and seeing other folks's thoughts about what went down there, I felt the need to write something.
Now I'm going to start by saying that from the beginning, I (and everyone, really, I'm sure) was wondering just who Jod is, really. I didn't immediately buy into the idea that he's a Jedi just because he can use the Force. That doesn't make or define a Jedi, I don't think. Anyway, it kept me wondering and kept me interested. I will be honest and say that in the first few episodes, I sort of hoped that despite the fact that he's a pirate, a scoundrel in it for his own interests....I had hoped that his heart would soften at least a little bit, being with the kids. But now I remember what Jude himself has said about Jod and his perspective of the kids. According to Jude, Jod has this sort of disdain because his childhood was taken from him (or something along those lines iirc). It's a little sad because apparently Jod didn't have that. But, Jude said, he also doesn't want the kids to end up the same way he did.
Either way, I think it's interesting that Jod has twice done things that remotely demonstrate even the vaguest, faintest sense of...I won't call it affection but whatever it is, he isn't disregarding them.
First example, when he reunites with the kids on At Achrann. Neel and Wim run to him and hug him, and he just holds them close. He could have easily been aloof, or shoved them off and been like 'Ick. Small humans. Go away.'
Second example, when he finds Wim crying. Initially, he's very much repelled by the sight and turns as if to leave, but then goes back, sits down and talks to Wim about it. True, he doesn't give very good advice when he says to let go those attachments (Granted: to the Jedi, that's important, but in the sense of being free from those attachments not in the sense of cutting off love and wholesome, good human connections). But it just caught my attention.
Another thing I thought interesting is exactly how the writers are presenting him. I don't have extensive experience with studying writing methods or even observing it in the shows I watch, but I've noted that in some of the best written stories, the big reveals are almost never obvious. That's sort of their nature, no? Like why would it be a surprise if it's already been spoiled before its time?
What's my point?
This. I think it's notable that when they first present Jod, it's in an ambiance of mystery, so much that everyone is asking 'Who is he?' They're already laying down that idea of wanting to figure him out completely and see what he's made of. Now after 1x05, it was striking to me to see Jod invoke the pirate code and threaten Fern with a knife at her neck.
Let's unpack that moment first. There's a few things I want to point out.
Jod hesitates. It seemed to me like he's debating, really turning around in his head the idea of what he's considering doing. It struck me because we see only moments before how quickly he had SM-33 fill the pit back up with acid and melt the pirates. Jod has no problem with killing, that's clear. So why did he make such an effort not to harm Fern, if he's as despicable a man as we're supposedly led to think he is?
He holds the knife near her neck, but not nearly enough to harm her. It's a threat to make it real enough for her, but he's not trying to harm her. Anyway you dice it, it's NOT okay that he did that and I don't approve it, I just think that it's worth noting.
He keeps insisting that she has to say 'I yield' because that's what the Code demands. 'You literally have to say it,' he tells her.
Then, and this point's more flimsy, up to interpretation, I suppose, but...the bit with the chair. I assumed, on first watch, that he didn't react because he simply didn't care what happened to the kids now that they're out of his way, but I saw a post once (if it was yours or you know who wrote it, tell me please and I'll credit them here) pointed out it's because he knew what the chair would do and he knew where they were going--into a tunnel.
Lastly, I was thinking about this more recently and it came to mind that Jod could have, essentially, done this at any point when he was with them, no? Why did he chose THAT moment to do it? Furthermore (and I mentioned this in a different post), I find it very suspicious that the writers, if they do intend to make Jod out to be the actual Bad Guy ™ po
That's it, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
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