#been about 5 years since i wrote fanficiton

[caffeinefafnir]

TL;dr: how a simple hobby keeps me from collapsing (bc we really don't pay enough attention to mental health as a society)

So earlier this year I was writting a fanfic and that's been like, the only anchor to sanity I've had for a long while. I started out on a whim one night and spewed out around 10 pages in one night. I've started at 11pm and stayed up till 5am writting. It's been such a fucking nasty year (bc all the shit started last November actually) where I've been struggling with family issues, health issues, being unemployed and struggling financially, and then the feeling of being left behind when my partner got a job and I didn't, and a lage etc. Suddenly in May I got posessed by this supernatural impulse to write a fanfic after what felt like a lifetime (around 13 years). Days turned into months, one draft became 5 separate stories abt the same characters, I discovered what whump was thus rediscovering something I was really adept to without even realizing it, followed closely several challenges althougth never pressured myself to participate (bc deadlines and I don't get along) and on top of that I started a completely new story of a genre I had never dreamt of exploring before.

Around June I was writting a super emotional scene of my side fanfic. My fave character had attempted suicide and failed, and it was a super heavy scene where she talked about this with a friend in the most nonchalant way (at first) and he was completely shocked and devastated. I was writting this at a cafe, my favorite one, and had to make a real effort to keep a straigth face while typing out bc I tend to act out the feelings as I describe them and my eyes were getting all red and wattery. But everything was fine and I got the full scene toghether. And... I felt so incredibly lighter and happier after that.

I've been trying to find an explanation for it since then. I've been battling depression since a long time now, 10 years, but I hadn't felt suicidal since a long long time ago. But I know too damn well the feeling of the symptoms of depression going away, and BOY what I felt was like a MIRACLE! The floating sensation? Just knowing everything is going to be better? Damn I missed that. I had felt it before a few times in prior years when something significantly good happened, when I went regularly to therapy, etc.

The weirdest part is that things weren't even particularly bad at that point, and even when they were the absollute worst around February I hadn't seriously thought about suicide not even once. It was more like homicidal rage at that point haha, but nothing about harming myself. I keep thinking about it ever since, how optimistic I was for the next month or so before my mood got worse due to environmental reasons. And I still went to that part over and over again to correct, add details and overall finishing the rest of the fic but this proved to be a difficult feat since I never could get myself into the same mood again.

And I'm like... what?? Why did this particular scene caused that blissful effect on me? I've never ever been in that exact situation, surely I fantasized about it (we all do at some point) and I know I'm far from cured of the depression for I still feel some of the indicators of its presence, but the change in me since I wrote those pages was explosive and intoxicating. Maybe I was channeling everything through my blorbo in ways I didn't knew I could, maybe it's just the fact that she got listened at without judging or being accused of faking it/being a failure/blowing it out of proportion, maybe bc she was feeling as lonely and unseen as I currently feel to the point you can disappear for days and nobody would notice (or at least that's what you tell to yourself)

I'm worried that if I tell all this to my therapist she'll institutionalize me haha. For real. I dunno what they normally do in these cases lol. Also I don't want to tell her yet that I write fanficiton since I´m not ready to explain an Xgen-er what is it and why my generation hype so much abt it

[therulerofallpotatos]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Curious what ur fav fics of yours are? 👀🖤🩷

Like ever?Like my five favorite fics of ever? oh boy ok lemme pull up the list

Well immediately I Bit Him so He's Mine is coming to the top of the list which isn't even done yet but is sitting rn at around 40k, is my longest project ever and officially novel length. Between the writing a murder mystery, writing a low fantasy adventure, the gothic/fairytail romance, the hyde wednesday/hyde tyler scenes, the subplots, and the fact that I'm not able nor do i want to rely on psychic visions for information, this is the most involved and exciting project I've probably ever done. Before Wednesday, I hadn't really sat down and written a proper drawn out mystery plot and this is the first where there were no psychic visions either. It's also officially longer than my Absolution novella which is not on this list just because that fic was one of the first I ever wrote and it shows. (though it is special to me because of that)

2. I'll add Wandering in the Dark because it was born of a prompt that my hs senior english teacher gave the class for a project that'd been anticipated (or dreaded depending on who you were) all semester. Basically, we all got to draw a disease (chronic I believe or at least mine was) out of a hat and then just do whatever we wanted writing a story with it. He gave me complete creative freedom. I wrote steter fanfiction which is also why it reads for someone who isn't familiar with teen wolf. I got an A.

3. My Lost Soul (Lead Me to Redemption) was my baby for a long time. It was one of the first pieces I ever wrote in a creative writing class which I then rewrote as sterek fanficiton and evolved into a whole series with Derek, Stiles, and Peter becoming the Hale Pack again. My writing style and quality drastically changes from beginning to end and there's something special about getting to see that firsthand reading this series. I'm sure it would only have continued if I hadn't lost steam for the story.

4. This is not a fair game. I'm not even left my teen wolf list yet.

4. I suppose I'll put Have You Seen Me? because idk I just like it. I like it a lot. I like exploring Tyler immediately after the cave. I like the title and the way the summary is just Tyler's wanted poster. I like how it leads into Wednesday going to Nevermore and I like how they interact with each other and Tyler being an Addams

5. Hold Me Close and it's sister fic Pin Me Down (to be posted) will have to take place as well. I'm counting both because I love them for the same reason. I've been writing officially since 2016 and for at least as long I always knew that I would eventually write my own fuck or die/sex pollen fic and that I'd take the approach of approaching the potential trauma and very present vulnerability present in the premise. Plus, the sex marathon aspect was a good writing challenge to stretch out the sex scene long enough to actually feel like a marathon reading it. Hold Me Close's sex scene was around 3000 words. Pin Me Down's sex scene is 3455 words long.

Honorable mentions for an abandoned multi-chap from high school that I hadn't thought about for years solely because I recently went to a convention where I met a lot of local authors and talked their ears off about writing and the genres we do and our current projects (and I had plenty due to wyler week and the bingo) and this one author recognized my ao3 alias and loved the fic in question. Mark Me an Angel for the hannigram fandom which also is a good example of why you plan a basic plot/direction when you start something.

[00fairylights00]

Prologue: It Wept Till There Was Nothing Left

Author's Note: Hi guys! Welcome to the inside of my brain, where I think about Little Nightmares every waking moment of my existence. Love these games and I just want the kiddos to be happy and safe so I thought it'd be fun to write a happy AU. Please note I have never read any other happy AUs for Little Nightmares so if you see similarities, firstly) they are definitely not on purpose, secondly) uuuh drop the link bestie I wanna see it. To make the explanation of the final boss fight a little more emotionally labouring for Mono, instead of there being three different room patterns, I’ve upped it to a number closer to ten, so please don’t come for me like “actually, you only have to hit the music box three times in the battle sequence” I am well aware, I just think it’d have more impact if The Tower kept forcing him to fight monster Six! (Cause obviously angst is neat).

Also, the game (Little Nightmares II) has now taken place over a series of weeks rather than a few hours, for immersion and whatnot. Wanna chat with me about this fic or other Little Nightmares-related topics, you can join The Pantheon discord server my friends and I run!  The link is here!

Mono and Six escape from the collapsing tower by the skin of their teeth, deciding to bed down in the ruined apartment before moving on, Six’s hunger begins.

He’d just wanted to help, that was it. He wanted to save his friend after cowering in pain and fear from the Thin Man and get the hell out of this city, but when he finally got to The Tower, when he finally got to her, The Tower had stripped her of her innocence and turned her into a monster. Her limbs were twisted and broken, and her hair had grown out to cover her face but despite her intimidating size, she offered him sanctuary in that little room.

She offered her music box, a replica of the one she’d had when he found her in The Hunter’s cabin when he’d accidentally set into motion a series of events that would haunt them for the rest of their lives, most importantly, events that had put his friend in danger again, and again, and again. He felt as though he’d never forgive himself and as he sat there, watching the crank of the music box spin endlessly he realised that she had gotten what she wished for.

The Tower had turned Six into a Monster, bigger than any they’d encountered before, she was strong and formidable, nothing would ever hurt her again and that fact settled heavy like a stone in the pit of his stomach, The Tower had granted her wish for safety and strength in a way so twisted it had stolen her humanity, what was that old saying, something about being careful with wishes.

It seemed accurate given the world they’d grown up in, taking Six’s pleas and prayers and turning them into a cosmic joke. No matter how much they did to stay alive, to prove to the world that they belonged there, it would continue to spit in their faces and kick them while they were down. How hilariously cruel.

When he brought The Tower to him, the doors had opened in greeting and had welcomed him home. This building felt alive, the static of the transmission fizzing in the walls, climbing over his skin and wrapping around him like a safety blanket, he had to force himself not to buckle under the weight of feeling at home.

He’d never felt at home anywhere, not even before when he’d stayed with that group in the orphanage, way back when. A fire had started and then been put out, only for some nasty Adult to come along and snatch many of his pack away, to be consumed or passed along. He hid in a TV unit and when the creature looked down on him he wished with all his might to be anywhere else. Not a moment later was he spat out into long grass in the middle of a forest, found his way to Six, and as they became closer she had felt like home too.

Mono knew what he had to do, he couldn’t leave her like this. The Tower gave false promises, her Monster form wasn’t sustainable and eventually, the great monolith would consume her too, he could feel it in the way the transmission prickled on his skin, he could stay but she wasn’t welcome here.

At first he tried to reason with her, calling out to her, tugging on her sleeve but his voice seemed to hurt her, she flinched at his shouts and brushed him away as he hung off her arm. He hit the floor with a thud, sliding a little. As he brushed himself off and got to his feet he noticed the suitcase at the back of the room, a mallet lay on top of the wrinkled clothing. His heart sunk at the implication, he had to hurt her again.

And surely, this time, she wouldn’t forgive him.

He took a deep breath and picked the hammer up, he dragged it to her and he felt her looking down at him, could feel her begging him not to do it but doing nothing to stop him and with a heavy heart swung the mallet over his shoulder with all of his might.

It all happened in a flash, the tune he often found her humming when they bedded down for the night coming to an abrupt stop, the sound of twisting metal cut out to silence and when he opened his eyes all he could see was darkness, when he blinked again he was back in her room. The toys were replaced with Flesh and the building was collapsing, he was quick to move, running for the door.

Six was at his heels, screaming out in gargled distress. He felt his heart breaking for his friend as he once again tore her safety from her, he hoped to all hope that she would forgive him for this. But until she was herself again he had to focus on not getting flattened.

He weaved through the hallways, jumping chasms and trying to keep himself oriented as The Tower’s influence changed the form of the rooms with each doorway he passed through, he suspected The Tower wanted him dead, or at the very least trapped. He almost scoffed at the idea, considering it was The Tower that had left the mallet in her room. How was it his fault that he’d jumped to the most logical conclusion?

Six screamed again, as he flung himself through a hole in the wall, scrambling to take cover under a table, he held his breath, keeping as still as stone as she tore through the room, looking for him. She pushed her way through a closed door, thumping down the corridor and out of sight. He made a run for her but just missed her as the door she entered closed behind her.

But a familiar axe, stuck in the wood of the door that emitted a purple glow, told him everything. The Tower was mocking him and just like when he’d doomed Six in The Hunter’s cabin by carelessly chopping down the door to free her, he would have to doom her here too. This time he swore it would be different, he was never going to let anyone lay a finger on Six ever again.

With steeled determination he jumped for the Axe’s handle and broke through the door, she was in the centre of the room, hands covering her music box protectively. The static in The Tower felt different, stronger. The tune of the box was lilting due to the damage it had sustained, Mono picked up his axe and yelled.

“Hey!”

Six tore forward, smashing her fists as she went while he slipped through the hole in the door and was transported to the other side of the room, he sprinted as fast as he could, swinging down on the music box just as Six turned back around. The impact on the music box, which he now understood was some kind of tether that was causing her monster form, split the concrete floor, changing the shape of the room before he was plunged again into darkness.

He rushed pained, frightened breaths between his teeth as he felt the force of being thrown against concrete settle in his bird-like bones. He called out again, his voice echoing through the empty plain as he wandered aimlessly. Eventually he stumbled across his axe, stuck in the door again. The axe clattered to the ground as he grabbed it and with a powerful grunt he broke through the door once more.

He continued on like this, each time he made headway with the music box the room became harder to traverse, he had to think clearly about his movements or he’d be killed by his angry friend. Every yell hurt and angered her, drawing her away from the music box to move in on the static form he was leaving behind, it became a cycle.

Call out, run for your life, hit the music box, wake up in the void, find the door, do it again.

He’d lost count of the amount of times he’d opened his eyes to complete darkness but by what he guessed was the tenth time he almost couldn’t find it in him to get up, he felt tears welling up from the feeling of hopelessness that was consuming him. His body ached, his head was swimming and he could taste blood in his mouth. The Tower would keep making him fight her, he was sure this was his Divine punishment, for sentencing her to death all those weeks ago in the cabin, forcing her back out onto the street where it was infinitely more unsafe than being kept alive by a Hunter who seemed to be playing family. This was all his fault.

He wiped his eyes, breathing deep. This was it, he was putting an end to this now. If he and The Thin Man were alike enough that he could beat him at his own game, then he could bend The Tower to do his bidding too. He swung the axe, he counted the doors and the warped levels of the floor, looking for the axe and when he found it he screamed.

“HEY!”

Six was up, leaning down to swat at him as he tore through the doorway, he warped to the other side jumping for the axe, when he had a grip on it he moved swiftly as to avoid her next swing. He was through another doorway, yelling again and when he warped through, her back to him, he knew this was it.

He ran for the music box, heaved the axe over his shoulder and with one final, earth-shattering blow, the music box bent. When he pushed himself up from the floor this time, the room was different. The Flesh having closed in around them, it reeked of death, silt and ash. He looked up, Six was on the floor reaching forward in a final attempt to protect her music box.

She covered the bent metal trinket with her hands as Mono pulled the axe from the floor, when he approached he looked up at her again, her eyes pleaded with him, tears welling up in the corners of her bloodshot eyes, he cast her a sad look, there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say. None of it would fix this, it wouldn’t fix his mistake in The Hunter’s cabin or her kidnapping in The School, or setting The Doctor alight in The Hospital and it definitely wouldn’t fix his decision to not reach out to her in that apartment when The Thin Man chased them. The Thin Man that he’d freed due to his own morbid curiosity.

“You just had to know what was behind that door, didn’t you?” He whispered to himself.

He felt sick, but he couldn’t leave her like this. She'd been endlessly generous and kind to him despite it all, helping even though she wasn’t obligated to. At first, maybe she stayed out of necessity, knowing that parts of the city would be too dangerous to be alone in, but he was sure by the time they’d made it to the hospital that she was staying because she chose to, they’d played for hours in that toy room, trading secrets and knowledge, she’d taught him how to play make-believe and he’d taught her how to draw flowers.

And when she’d curled up on his lap to take a short nap, feeling her tension leave her, he promised himself that he’d continue to protect her, but Mono was never very good at keeping promises. He had always been unlucky and just like every other thing he wanted but could never have, Six was torn away from him too.

He called out to her one final time, fury at himself, The City, The Thin Man and The Transmission for ruining everything, poured into his desperate scream, Six flinched and he took his opportunity. The axe head collided with the music box and both he and Six were thrown backwards, he was on his feet quicker this time, and as her cries of agony bounced off the walls, she reached for the music box, its form glitching and tune warping, it’s true form becoming clear, it was a vessel keeping her distorted, Six’s monster form shifted and bowed under the pressure, limbs changing length and ragged pained breaths wheezing from her throat, she was so close, almost touching the metal but Mono swung quicker.

Mono’s final call echoed off the walls endlessly, the room went dark and when the strange purple light filled the room again, the music box was destroyed and his best friend was sitting there, looking at him. He couldn’t see her eyes but he felt the relief through his whole body. They stared at each other for a while, in shock that they were finally reunited and reality came crashing in, literally.

The Flesh that was The Tower’s true form was closing in, Mono yelled for Six frantically and they raced down the hallway. All he knew was run, don’t look back, just keep moving, the mantra he’d yelled in his head whenever something gave chase. Mono couldn’t hear anything over the rushing of blood in his ears as he hurried to keep up with Six, not daring to spare a look behind him at the brick and mortar that had given way to walls of flesh.

They jumped, climbed and weaved as The Flesh closed in and as he could see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel the flesh eyes tripped him up, Six made it across the skinny crumbling walkway, chunks of it falling away under her feet, she jumped a small chasm that had fallen and collapsed to her knees on somewhat solid ground, catching her breath and then turning back to him and reaching out her hand, like she’d down a thousand time before.

Six had seen it before Mono had, he was going to run out of road and he’d need to jump the gap, he would fall short without her help, he reached for her and leaped as he felt the ground give way beneath him. He closed his eyes and hoped that she’d catch him, just one more time he pleaded in his head. He felt her fingers around his wrist gripping for dear life.

He chanced a look up at her, The Flesh had stopped moving in, she was looking down at him with a blank expression as he hung limply, helplessly, vulnerably over the ledge. Was she going to drop him? She wouldn’t, would she? He thought briefly that she’d be right to do it, after everything he put her through. He swung his legs, sweaty hand scrabbling at the concrete of the broken ledge for support, trying to pull himself up, but he couldn’t get a solid hold,

“Six!” He yelled, chancing a look at the abyss below, he wouldn’t survive a fall this high, “please pull me up.”

She didn’t answer, continuing to stare, like she wasn’t really there. He looked down again, panic welling up in his stomach, oh my god, she was going to drop him.

“SIX!” His frantic, panicked desperation seemed to snap her out of whatever trance she was in. She shook her head minutely and breathed his name with a kind of horror he never wanted to hear again.

She heaved him up over the ledge, and he shook violently as he placed his hands and knees on solid ground, Six looked perturbed, unsure of what to do or say, which didn’t last long as Mono rushed forward to crush her into a hug.

“I thought you were going to drop me.” He repeated over and over again in a terrified whisper, Six didn’t say anything but she did return the hug.

“Let’s get out of here,” She whispered as she stood up, pulling him along with her. They hobbled to the TV screen plastered to the wall, arms slung over each other's shoulders to keep them standing upright, the static felt warm on their skin as they pushed against the glass.

They slid through the static, passing through The Flesh tunnel and then hitting the floor. The TV behind them cast white light onto the ground and they both breathed hard, trembling uncontrollably on the cold wood flooring.

Six was the first to stand, her movement catching Mono’s attention, in her casted shadow was a glitching image of… herself?

Was The Tower not destroyed? Surely it couldn’t survive without The Thin Man, the shadow stared Six down, her hands shook in fear as the shadow cast a glance over to a flyer laying on the floor in the corner, she looked back at Six and giggled, the sound making Mono’s blood run cold.

And as fast as the glitching shadow had appeared it was gone, the room bathed in darkness as the TV powered off, it was silent and then Six’s stomach growled painfully, she keened forward, hugging her torso and falling back down to her knees.

Mono was on his feet, grabbing Six by the shoulders, her face was twisted in pain.

“Are you okay?” He asked, Six grabbed one of his wrists and shook her head frantically.

Mono turned his attention to the flyer the shadow had been so preoccupied with, he pat her shoulder before going over to investigate.

The flyer had a picture of something fish-like, with the word “MAW” in big, bold letters across the top.

“Always the same time, never the same place, all-you-can-eat ocean vessel experience,” Mono read out loud with some difficulty, “all-you-can-eat! Six, look at this!”

He rushed over to her, paper in hand. She took hold of the paper, reading it over herself, flipping the page where three words were scrawled in black ink.

East Coast Harbour.

“East… Coast… Harbour?” She read, eyes squinting at the near illegible handwriting. “East coast? That’s not far from here.”

“So that’s where we’ll go!” Mono suggested excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“What?!” Six exclaimed in shock.

“We’ll go to The Maw! There’ll be an endless supply of food, we’ll be far away from the shore and the city, it’s perfect!” He paced back and forth, getting more animated as his plan fell into place. Six wasn’t so sure, waving her hands out frantically to grasp his attention.

“Woah, Woah. Hang on, let’s think this through-”

“What is there to think through?” He argued.

“The fact that The Maw is an Adult experience, if we sneak onto that boat and get found out, we’ll be killed. You’ve heard the stories just as much as I have, no kid who boards The Maw escapes.” Six didn’t have to mention what kind of food was on the menu, they both knew very well what happens to the kids who are found in the bowels of The Maw. The Janitor was blind, not stupid.

“But don’t kids get shipped out there all the time?”

“Yeah, dying kids.”

A silence was drawn between them. They weren’t going to come to an agreement on this so instead, Six offered a compromise. Clearing her throat she wrung her hands together, speaking carefully now.

“Look, we don't even know if what just happened will happen again. We’ll move east anyway, no use staying in the city but let's keep The Maw as a last resort.”

“Fine, but I’m keeping an eye on you, and if I think your pain is getting worse we find a way to board The Maw. Deal?”

“Deal.”

It took them two weeks to get from the lonely little apartment in the city to the coastline and along their travels, she’d managed to find a paper bag to replace the one Mono gave up to fight The Thin Man, she’d been keeping an eye out after he’d told the story to her, how terrified and powerless he’d felt, she took it upon herself to find a replacement as he cycled through the growing hat collection he had stowed away in his coat. Mono was ecstatic when she gave it to him, quickly but carefully tearing out some eye holes and modelling his look.

“How do I look?” He giggled, Six smiled reaching forward to adjust the bag a little bit.

“Perfect, it’s just like the one from before!” Mono gave a silly bow at her acceptance, the pair laughing at his antics, he pulled the bag off, however, folding it up and putting it away. Six’s expression was puzzled.

“You know what I look like, and you don’t think I look strange so I don’t have to wear it around you,” Mono’s genuine grin made Six’s chest warm, happy that her friend felt more confident with her around, “I’ll hang on to it though, it’s a gift from you so it’s even more special!”

And things were good for a while, scavenging for food, finding safe shelter to sleep in, exploring all manner of abandoned buildings, that was until Six’s condition started to worsen.

They dubbed the pain and aggression she’d been exhibiting Hunger Pangs or more simply Hunger. It had started small, almost nonexistent at first, easily satiated by scavenging for food scraps but by the end of the first week Six had started becoming more aggressive than normal, often turning on Mono when he tried to help. He knew not to take it personally, that she wasn’t well, that she was in pain, but that didn’t stop his feelings from getting hurt when she lost her temper or pushed him over.

By the end of the second week, however, Six had developed a fever. She ignored the burning of her skin initially, making it to the harbour, whether they decided to try and board The Maw or not, was the most important thing.

She did not account for how awful it would feel to push her body to its limit to manage that feat, and one evening, as she and Mono were walking through a back alley, she collapsed. Waking up inside a building, with Mono fretting over her, her memory had been spotty as the fever set in, making her delirious. She tried to use what little strength she had to fight Mono as he tried to remove her layers in hopes of cooling her down, the ordeal ending in her sleeping fitfully with her blue cardigan resting under her head and her yellow raincoat draped over her lower body.

Mono chanced a look through the kitchen cabinets in the other room, finding a couple of cans of soup. He wasn’t able to warm them up, the oven unit being too big to use on his own. He was just relieved that the cans had pull tabs.

Despite her hunger, he found it impossible to feed her. She wasn’t really awake enough to eat but they’d gone so long without anything he wasn’t sure what else could be the cause of her sudden illness, it was hours before her fever came down enough for her to be lucid, Mono hadn’t slept a wink, terrified that a stray Viewer might find them.

“Six? Are you awake?” He wondered as he stroked her bangs away from her sweaty forehead, she made a small noise but didn’t say anything else. “You don’t have to worry about anything at all! I’m gonna take really good care of you, before you know it you’ll be back on your feet and we can get onto The Maw and you’ll never have to go hungry again.”

Mono worries his bottom lip at her lack of response, her breath was shallow too and something about that made him worried, but he wasn’t sure why.

“You know I’m really worried about you, when you fell down outside I thought you’d died, and it was so hard to drag you in here. I didn’t realise how heavy sleeping people are.” He paused. “You are just sleeping, right? ‘Cause if you’re just sleeping, it’ll be okay! And I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything you want. So if it’s bad you can tell me.”

Mono curled in close to Six, letting her rest her head on his chest. Continuing to comb his fingers through her damp hair.

“Yeah, you’ll tell me.”

Next Chapter

[ragnor-lives]

🌺💘🌷 get to know your mutuals ! when you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better ! 🌷💘🌺

Thanks for the ask! 💕💕

*desperatly tries to think of 5 things about me*

1. My latest obsession: Animal Crossing (hmu if you wanna play with me 🥺👉👈)

2. I’ve read My Immortal at least 5 times, and even did a whole presentation about it for a class

3. I like to collect books.

3a: I have 4 different copies of Wayward Son because I liked all the covers 😬

4. I have an unfinished Wattpad fanficiton I wrote in middle school/freshman year that has over 33k reads

5. I’ve been writing my own books since 5th grade, and am hoping to get one published one day :)

I didn’t send this to anybody because I’m, you know, 🥺👉👈, but any of my mutuals can do this, I’d love to know more about you all!!

[cdelphiki]

Fanfic writer asks: 1, 2, 5 (link it maybe), 7, 11, 12, 13, 20-23, 25, 28. Also, do you think fics should be fully written before the writer starts the publishing process? Why or why not?

Oooh, thanks for the asks.   Let’s see:

1. How old were you when you first started writing fanficiton?

It was earlier this year, just about a week before my birthday so technically I was 25.  

2. What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favorite if you write for more than one?

So far I’ve only published in the Batman fandom.  I’ve written in the MCU fandom and not published because they are still too drafty. (A Peter & Tony and a crossover between Batman and Avengers).  The batfam is my favorite, for sure.  Just love those kids.  

5. If you had to choose a favorite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Life Happens, for sure.    I only have three long stories so far, and then kind of that little side fic to Life Happens, but out of the three I prefer this story.  The Missing Piece was my intro into FanFiction writing.  I had only ever written original works, so it was this nice transition to writing characters I did not make up.  Cracked Foundation was some random story that popped into my mind when I was working through the plot for Life Happens, actually, and was more of a distraction to me than actual story I loved and worked hard on. There’s a lot about it I really dislike.  Actually, I wrote all 20k words for that story in the span of a couple evenings, which probably contributes to my dislike for it.  Life Happens has been my baby for months now, and I’ve still not lost interest.  So yeah. 

7. When is your preferred time to write? 

Friday evenings, Saturdays, and Sunday early afternoon/evenings.  It kind of sucks because that’s also the time friends like to hang out, and I can’t do both. So really, I try to squeeze it in whenever I can.  Usually evening/night time is when I do the best work, though. 

11. Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Yes!  I added 800 words to a chapter of Life Happens based on feedback that it ended too abruptly and moved too quickly.  I have never and will never change the ending of a story, however, because people are mad at me that I didn’t write the story they wanted.  I will, however, write fan-service alternate endings.  (hint hint wink wink)

In my original work, I have also done major rewrites based on criticism.  That’s how writing works.  You get feedback and you respond how you see fit.  

12. Who is your favorite character to write for and why?

Uh, wow, that’s difficult.  I freaking love Damian to pieces.  Adore that stupid little brat.  But Tim now has a special spot in my heart because I’ve been stuck in his head so long, and Jason is so damn funny.  I think my favorite relationship to write is Tim & Damian, and that’s about as close to answering the question as I can get, because I can’t really pick between the three.  

13. Who is your least favorite character to write for and why?

Dick, probably.  Just because I haven’t quite figured him out.  Reading character studies on him has helped a ton, but I just never feel like I hit the mark well with him.  I still love him and would put him above all the other characters in the Batman fandom (excluding Bruce, I’d put him squarely between the three other boys and Dick).  I tend to just avoid characters I don’t know.  

20. Are there any stories you wished you’d ended differently?

Hmm.  Not so far.  

21. Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire?  What is it about them you admire?

Oh, this goes so against my shyness.  Eek. I can’t really order them.  Looking at my user subscriptions, I’m subscribed to ten people within the fandom, and they are audreycritter, autumnhobbit, bandgeek18, dawnseternallight, dreamersmyth27, fishfingersandjellybabies, lemonadegarden, lowflyingfruit, raberba_girl, and wingfeathers.

Okay, and I’ll just pick a couple to say why I love them so much, but I really do love all these writers.  I’m very likely to read whatever they post within the fandom, unless it’s just a ship I really cannot stand.  (sorry heh)  

With LemonadeGarden, I love the way her stories feel like a dance when you read them, swaying back and forth between dialogue and exposition and whatnot.  They are almost dreamlike they are so graceful.

Audreycritter was author of the first fanfic I ever read, and it’s what drew me into FanFiction in the first place.  I had been searching for a book about Damian Wayne, because while I love comics, I really wanted that inner dialogue and longer story, and came across Let There Be a Bruise on google. I was actually away at training for work, and I remember spending every single free moment I had reading through one shots on my phone after.  I was so entranced.  Audrey does Damian’s character justice and I love that about her.   

22. Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it.

Yes.  All of them.  There are aspects of all my stories I cringe at, even my current WIPs.  It’s just how I am with any form of art I do.  

23. Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

It varies.  I have ADHD and sometimes listening to music helps me tune the world out and focus, and other times I get really caught up in the music and start paying attention to it instead.  Just depends on the day, what my mood is, and what kind of music I put on.  

25. Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yes.  I’ve cried a couple times writing Life Happens.  By cry, I mean I teared up pretty heavily.  I did so many times while plotting it out, too.  Some of my whumptober fics have had the same effect on me.  I’m weird and love when that happens.  

28. What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

I can’t really think of anything, to be honest. I’ve only been writing FanFiction since March.  Maybe that Tumblr is such a great place to read about the various characters and learn more about what makes them tick.  

And finally, do you think fics should be fully written before the writer starts the publishing process? Why or why not?

I have done both ways and I see the pros and cons of each.  For me, the comments are what drive me and keep me motivated, so with my longer two works there is no way I would have found the ability to focus and stay driven to finish out the story if I didn’t have someone there reminding me that they want to read what happens next.  

But, when you write the entire thing out first, you can make sure the entire story flows well, nothing is mismatched, and the beginning and end lend themselves to each other.  So yeah.  Also, you don’t give the audience 10 chapters and get right to the climax then quit and leave every hanging forever.  I know we’ve all read stories like that.  

I don’t see an issue with writing chapter by chapter, as long as you keep in mind that it’s perfectly okay to go backward in the story and edit.  In ‘real’ fiction, authors are constantly revising earlier chapters to fit with how the story went, so there’s nothing wrong with doing so in fanficiton, even if you’ve already ‘published’ it.