#been a while since ive been this excited and motivated to draw

[day-mark]

this piece im doing for a collab is gonna look so epic in my head . i dotn know how to draw 9/10 of these things im including .

[arolesbianism]

I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me

[thejediandthemandalorian]

The hardest thing is when you've spent the last 4 hours straining your eyes staring at your computer screen to work on a drawing for the first time in ages. And then when you finally decide to go to bed you can't sleep because you're so excited and just wanna keep drawing.

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

[blueiight]

How did you feel about Armand in this episode?

• he was horrible at playing rashid, lmao, he was essentially playing himself with shapewear. i rate his rashid performance 1/5. u also realize that louis in s1 was drawing upon armand in his own performance “to beat lestat you have to become lestat” to beat armand you have to become armand

• as ive been saying since the first season ended, i think people should pay a little mind to dubai + the emirates’s population makeup and the casting decisions here and what the show intends to covnvey in that. armand and rashid are both portrayed by south asian men, and the emirates is a petrostate with a majority population of south asians rendered slaves to maintain the status of a minority of wealthy expats. armand and louis, ur asking me abt armand so ima try to hush up are literal vampires, sucking the blood of their own. the moor of the underground catacombs, to the theater master in paris, to the vampire with diplomatic immunity in dubai, so excited to see how his story arc unfolds… assad said he too had to play multiple forms of armand& was excited about showing us that.

• as assad has said in multiple interviews, and armand himself in his poor guise in s1e5 voices, armand emphasizes just how much does not want this interview to occur. we start out in dubai with armand, louis, and daniel as three distinct entities with their own motivations, seated separately from eachother in different clothing (white, black, gray). i mistakenly thought that this would be a later season thing, but showing this early on shows each character’s motivations here really well. armand in dubai recognizes daniel as a threat to the status quo hes developed with louis, and is drumming up all kinds of ways to break daniel just as daniel wants to break thru this story… very interesting.

• isnt it so fucked up that in the bedroom armand tells louis “he [daniel] wants you in pieces for the privilege of putting you back together as he sees fit” while louis has to ask him permission to see the pieces of claudia’s private accounts that he pieced up and put back as he saw fit to preserve the integrity of louis’s self after he killed claudia in such a manner? projection, thy name is armand.

• armand in the end of the episode deciding to draw upon 150 years of prior work experience to put on a ploy to further unsettle daniel… we’ve been together 77 years, let the math of that settle in, and then we see them walk in the next day in matching outfits holding hands. a stark contrast to the earlier scenes and really so fucking funny

hope this answers what ur asking!

[lostacelonnie]

The dreaded time returns once again. I hope your first day back wasnt bad. Oh hell yeah peak fuck it we ball right there. & its always nice to have the support system. Oh yeah mt fuji is on my list too i wanna see it. Also id love to see the native birds. Love seein different types of birds. Oh okay words not commonly used bein dropped got it. Occasionally annoying is like the catchphrase of the english language. Oh yeah big same 80 is like my max comfort level for heat before it becomes unbearable. So 42c was like death it sucked so bad. Thanks! I also finally got through jarilo-vi story & playstation beta version opened to test so hopefully soon ill be able to play there. Mobile is hard to play on. Very nice i should check out rain world see what its like. I need to set aside time to draw its a relaxing hobby. I feel that i keep dropping games for a bit. Now that im all caught up on genshin again im trying to play more dredge & river city girls. Maybe even beat them. I wish you luck in your minecraft quest. Fair enough. I get along okay with my half sister but not enough to like. Tell her things. Oh hell yeah congrats on the dye job done. Always feels good. Yeehaw new game mode. Star rail is doin good at havin fun & interesting side stuff to do really. I got so many facts about fish & birds & such in my head at all times but can i remember all of them all the time? No. Such is life with adhd

it really does. but hey i survived the first week AND made friends with the cool alt girls from my class so its not ryover 👍and yeah i was. actually quite surprised how chill my mom is with me being queer but im not complaining. and yeah definitely!!! i dont rlly know a lot about birds but i agree its always nice to see them. and yeah isnt it!!!! tho Being Polish kinda desensitized me to languages being annoying since it is like that as well. while i do operate my mother language quite well, i cannot remember a Single grammar rule ive ever learned. just freestyle it and hope for the best. what the fuck is a przydawka. and ough congrats on surviving that then. im going to alicante with my school pretty soon [mightve mentioned this but i dont remember?] and from what we know its going to be like 25c there and like. damn. here i was getting happy about not having to deal with the heat until the next vacation. but Whatever. AND AHH THATS NICE!! id love to hear ur thoughts on the story i honestly Really like the jarilo vi arc. mobile IS hard to play on. survive out there. RAIN WORLD IS SO GOOD OMG THE GRAPHICS AND STORY ARE AMAZING AND ALL THE DIFFERENT SLUGCATS ARE SO FUN TO PLAY AS...... and ah good luck with that!! i have a little less time now that school is back but ive been trying to at least doodle every day. and ooh i dont recognize either of those, tell me ab them!! i did the genshin archon quest and havent logged in since but it was very fun. excited for the next part. and thank you o7 ill keep you updated on that. and yeah i feel you on that i have a pretty similar relationship with mine, its just that we rarely ever talk. AND THANK YOU!! im probably gonna repeat it soon since, as i said, dye doesnt really like to cooperate with me so its basically gone by now but at least i know this dye stays for at least a bit. i havent played star rail recently aside from the main quest tbh, didnt really have the motivation to do it i guess. BUT i heard the new simulated universe is fun so ill probs check it out Eventually. and yeah it really IS like that

[flickertours]

.

[fa3tality]

i may be late but new trailer means a return to my roots

its been quite a while since ive drawn hornet, or any hk characters really. its nice to have the motivation to draw hk again :) even tho ngl i could improve a her design a bit

anyways is anyone else scared what silksong will bring? like im excited and hyped but also scared because i dont want hornet’s character ruined. i dont expect it at all, but im still nervous about it

[nerice]

1-4, 10-14 for black swan 👀

HOTTEST ASK IVE EVER GOTTEN 🤍 #tw linn, the usual.

what’s the maximum amount of time they can sit still with nothing to do?

gray wld be fine just sitting around until he becomes part of the interior design though it depends on pain whims bc sometimes it's easier to move and put his body to some use than tough it out while burning up inside. ideal existence is dancing with linnea, followed directly by sitting completely still reading a book without paying attention for the rest of his unending life. linn is, ofc, the exact opposite, restless internal drive to do and experience things like it's no wonder that the one power she retains post-fall is short distance teleportation (turning into fog and Leaving) lmao

how easy is it for them to laugh?

ggggHHHHHHHHHH. evilest question & YOU KNOW IT.

linnea is always laughing :3 always always amused by everything around her and if not she will make it amusing (to the possible detriment of bystanders caught in whatever the fuck her idea of entertainment is in that moment) vs. gray who. u rly are making me say it hhhhh. laughs from the bottom of his wretched heart around linnea and then never again (only empty snide grins, the same hollow cruelty he projects from thereon) but with linnea it was real.... the laugh she is able to draw out of him… how fun it is to be around somebody who enjoys life to the fullest, vicarious joy (no matter how rotten it turns in his mouth sometimes) being around linnea is easy, effortless, she makes him smile and laugh & forget abt it all </3

how do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

gray has the hot habit of inducing sleep by suicide. yknow why bother wading thru 17 layers of exhaustion and possible nightmares n trauma traps when a knife up his arm takes care of the business in ten seconds. lol, meanwhile linn once again presenting as the fun opposite where she's insomniac by choice until she's had her fill of excitement and sleeps like a baby. fun bed-time rituals include tempting gray to rail her into oblivion or otherwise unsavory adventures with mortal pets that she leaves edged or bleeding while she decides to take a Nap™, also sometimes eating well and having a comfy pillow are nice, yknow, normal things :3

how easy is it to earn their trust?

neither of them trusts anyone i wouldn't even necessarily say they trust one another, they just know what to expect. like w/ linn you never know what ur gonna get but gray is at peace with that since they mutually subject the other to their whims, neither of em wld go as far as to call it a betrayal. n that very much shapes how they interact with others bc even if eliada somewhat earns gray's trust, gray is always aware of his ulterior motives & linn doesn't have close ties with anyone until after black swan deviancy though maybe she should have mistrusted faye a little bit more :) etc

what lie do they most frequently remember telling? does it haunt them?

linn has never been dishonest in her life. if she says something you can be sure she means it (and plans on following thru. u better watch out) i guess the one lie she (unwittingly) told was when she put gray to sleep and said she'd go take care of faye, which is moot since she loses that memory along with everything else :^)

gray is not particularly haunted by anything he has said or done😊

how do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

gbhgbfhgbfhb both of them bastards would just pretend they know exactly what's going on lmao linn is too used to having the upper hand to concede on any ground & while gray occasionally inquires in earnest when talking with eliada abt soulless issues he still mostly plays it off as 'oh yeah thats what i figured' when eliada imparts new knowledge on him bye

how do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

gray: once again suicide is an option. if body fucky just reset (though the more common situation is his body being achy in weird places as such a common occurrence that if it's truly just an itch it won't even register for him. come back with a level 10 pain cataclysm if you want him to bother)

linn gets obnoxiously dramatic about it until gray helps her out but then she just uses it as an excuse to go full whore mode and [drapes herself across his lap] "guess where else i'm itching ;)" irredeemable

what color do they think they look best in? do they actually look best in that color?

linn commits to the all white color scheme she knows suits her (bonus points for accidental wet incidents that make her getup see-thru) also loves to accentuate in shades of blue that match gray's eyes bc she's cringy like that & ofc she knows and is right in that blood always looks good on her. freakshow of a woman <3

ive made my thesis on gray in the screenplay we all know he is the furthest known object from fashion in the universe so he's content with Whatever Linn Picks Out For Him and she delivers & is right that stark black and silver contrasts well on him tho if i may be a hoe for a moment i will just say. any monotone & esp sepia-toned outfit he looks extremely good in because it brings out his eyes. im already popping some cyanide but i'm right

what animal do they fear most?

linn knows no fear. gray could stand to develop a healthy fear of rabbits imo send tweet

[pen-observing]

My Only One iv - final

Diavolo and you have been together for a century. While time flies, the last decade has not been kind to either of you. He is about to become the King and while you have subjected yourself to transformations, just to live with your beloved, the pressure is unending. You live your life publicly. It is no luxury. Not having an heir when 100 years have passed tears you apart- just as much as it divides those that you inevitably rule. A solution comes like the last ray of hope. Go to an enchanted fortress used for fixes of the worst kind. Subject yourself to even more hexes to have the possibility of producing an heir. It’s just for a year. A short time for those immortal. A long time for those in a complex relationship, especially when for the sake of efficiency, letters are the only means of communication you are allowed to have with outsiders.

Warnings: none

i / ii / iii / _   

To say that your feet felt lighter and the frozen ground finally melted after the letter from the brothers would be an understatement.

Hope. Hope in its trues form finally existed for you again. Too many years did hope have the same colour as Diavolo’s eyes. You almost forgot other potent sources of such a feeling. My dear, you forgot that hope was held within.

As your sanity finally made peace with your inner being; everything else started to fall into place. Diavolo’s paragraphs upon paragraphs; drawing a lie within a dream still stung; but, you did not go crazy. Power was flowing back to you.  

The letters from the brothers varied on topics decided by the hand that wrote them. Admittedly, based on the handwriting, some were easier to read than others. But their meaning; their essence; their love was never to be questioned.

Karasu was proud with the step-by-step recovery you were making. Those watchful eyes were full of kindness and wonder while you grew into a cheerful state. Well, as cheerful as the circumstances would allow.

The room wasn’t messy anymore. Your treatment was moving along smoothly. The interest about people in charge of you grew. They respected, while still being able to doubt, the genuine curiosity held from a future Ruler. They did not tell you everything but a difference between privacy and secrecy was established. Based on such occasions you managed to find out that one of the witches dedicated her whole life to this. She could never, ever, have kids because of a pact. However, seeing others live out that oh so feeble dream of hers; would mean happiness.

It was astounding that a pure motive existed within these walls. You marvelled at it. And life began to marvel at you.  

Month nine marked the witch leaping at you with such joy in the privacy of one of the examination rooms. She held your arms tightly. She delivered the news with a strong voice. “You, you! Your treatment exceeded every expectation they set! You can have children now! You can bear a child. You can give birth to Devildom’s future!”

The news shocked you. Now? Right now? This was as sudden as time itself.   What does this mean when you are unsure about the man who swore to be the best father? He also swore to be a true lover; look how that turned out.

But there was no way you could allow yourself to break in front of this person. There was no way your humanity would disrespect the witch’s joy for you; the life long dedication.

You gently held her hands with a genuine smile prompted by her honest hope. You thanked her from the bottom of your heart; even if it was still broken.

That interaction meant that the time of your solitude in this fortress was at its end. It meant you had to return to the frightening outside world. But how?  

The end that once was sure to spark joy was no more. Confusion was torturing you now; unrelenting. 

What now?

A long conversation with Karasu followed where you weighted every option of return. Should you notify Diavolo? What will you do once you see him again? Could you ever find a small corner of your heart that would ensure forgiveness upon the man you loved more than any other?  

Karasu knew you. Karasu patiently listened and answered all questions.  

It was decided that as a person who makes memories out of feelings; as an impulsive human who observes and makes decisions based on natural states- Diavolo would not be notified of your return.

You had to see him in his true state: unprepared, surprised; to realise if the relationship could be mended.  

The brothers however, will know. You are not ashamed to admit that you asked them a favour - making necessary preparations. Evoking the pact to make sure secrecy was upheld like a virtue. They didn’t mind. They knew you trusted them and this was just to ensure Lucifer’s silence to the man that betrayed you.

And in uncertainty, while lacking bravery; you set out. Back to the castle. Back home.

But the ride back was less pleasant than the experiments. Countless scenarios plagued your mind. Your sanity was seemingly throwing different conversations your way. 

Menacing. Dramatic. Sad.

Then suddenly in a leap of love- it hit you with grandiose romantic gestures of apology. Honey words that felt true.  

What will Diavolo do when you meet again? Everything depended on that.

Could it be that he even betrayed those daydreams of yours? Stepping outside, in front of the gate, clearly showed that fate would not answer your questions soon enough. 

Time, bewildering time, my dear.

Diavolo did not welcome you- Barbatos did. How expected of him to be so calm by your sudden return. His demeanour always amazed you. Even while expressing his surprise upon such a turn of events he remained eloquent. Almost idyllic.     

The man controlled time, he toyed with it in an intricate dance; why were you so surprised? Was it because in those daydreams, in those silly expectations of yours; Diavolo was the only man you wondered about? Where was he right now?

Barbatos led you inside the tea room. Was he toying with you now as well?  

This room. This intricately decorated room was always your favourite inside a castle which felt enormous; never ending. Ceaseless. The word home could have been this room by itself. Why?  It was always warm. Cozy.  It was where you would spend time while Diavolo was relentlessly busy.  It was where you would relentlessly force him to take breaks.

Most of all, It was where the two of you existed outside of pressure. It was where the two of you kissed for the first time. Countless nights of love and pleasure happened right here.

Barbatos was definitely toying with you. If he did not become a close friend over all of these years you would have cursed him out.

He brought a sweet aroma in your favourite tea cup.   Yup. He set it down with a gentle smile. You definitely would have cursed him out for using gold-lined tea cups Diavolo gifted you.

Your eyes stayed on his figure while, unable to resist, the cup found way into your hand. There was no need to ask Barbatos anything. He remained a perfect butler.

“My Lord will be here momentarily. If we were notified of your return, we would have cleared his schedule.”

A slip up.  Barbatos made a mistake. Unfathomable.

His words were serene once again. Just like when you departed. The surface of the water is serene, what goes on below? What did his seemingly simple words hide?

Did he say it on purpose? Did he do so out of care for you?  

“Barbatos.”  

You have to be brave now more than ever my dear. Barbatos gave it away in case you were not aware. How kind of him.

“Yes? Is there something not to your liking?” “I noticed how you referred to Diavolo as my Lord, not our. This had changed since I left.”

Silence. Continue to be brave.

“I know Barbatos. I know that his hands have touched someone else. I know that he slept with them in our bed.”

Your voice was flat. Barbatos stayed silent out of respect for you. In reality, his masqueraded words meant much more. How could Barbatos, utterly loyal, admit that he himself considered Diavolo weak? His Lord was weak for the temptations. He could never say, but you knew.  

In that moment, rushed footsteps echoing outside in the hallway reached you. The door sprung open swiftly. In such speed and urgency unseen before. Diavolo stood there. In disbelief. Marvelling at your sudden return in ardent admiration.

He stood there, breathless from running to see you.  For months now this tea room was devoid of your presence. For months now he longed for your return. Oh how Diavolo yearned to open this door and see your form blessing it.

And here you were. Magnificent. Radiant.

Barbatos had to interrupt this moment because peace could not exist after what was spoken. He turned towards the door, walking out. His lips parted open for a whisper to Diavolo. “They know everything.”  He gracefully exited. Diavolo stood still, unable to meet your gaze.

He deserves this shame.

You sat there looking at him. He was breathless, bewitching. ...But was it because of excitement for you? His hair was messy, his tie was loose.

Was this the work of the other woman? His whore? When was the last time her fingers touched him so intimately?

How pitiful was it to glance up at him like this.

My dear, why do you call the woman a whore? Diavolo was the strongest man of them all. He was no easy target. Why do you make it sound like she took him? He gave himself away. He probably seduced her.

You stood up. Smiled at the man undeserving of kindness. He saw it. He saw it and yet his eyes still avoided yours. 

Guilt. For the first time,perhaps ever in his life, Diavolo was hesitant.   Approaching you like this was a confession of his betrayal.

He stayed silent as your hands gently fixed his tie that someone else tugged on not too long ago. “This is no way to present yourself. Do you wish for them to say the future King grew messy?”

How ironic was this rhetorical question phrased just like the one on the day you left? How much of a paradox was this position identical to the way you two said goodbye in love?

Diavolo still loved you.  

That much you knew when his hand grabbed yours in a desperate attempt to keep you close. To keep the magnificent presence within this room. His serious gaze was solely focused on you. If only you were the sole partner.

His deep voice, filled with regret, still charmed. “One word from you and she will be banished forever. I adore you. I was helpless without you around. That is what made me so weak to fall into this predicament. I love you. You know that.”

His fingers intertwined with yours. A pathetic attempt. How dare he cite your absence as his justification?! There is a clear difference between that justified and that which was just an excuse.  

If you had to say anything to get the other woman out of the castle it was already pointless to try and rectify this broken trust; broken love; between the two of you.

Good observation my dear, the other woman became pregnant while you were still receiving treatment. She gave him something you sacrificed every part of yourself for.

“Diavolo...” Your soft voice trailing off already told him the conclusion he was dreading. Begging to avoid. He knew of your humanity; he knew how pitiful he was. Diavolo, despite everything, still was enough of a man; enough of a lover, to know he had to respect your decision.

Your hand slipped from his hold. He remained still. Like a statue of a fallen hero.

“Diavolo, huh?”, a deep sigh. How long had he not heard you call his name? Was this the tone he must remember the end by? He cannot have that. His heart cannot have that. 

“Beloved, please. Just once more. It would be a tragedy to part like this. Have you really stopped loving me?”

You knew what he was asking for. How kind of you to fulfil his wish; gently fixing a few strands of his hair, while love still lingered in your eyes.  My dear, this is almost cruel from you.

With those eyes you looked into his. Gave him a sad smile and graced him, graced his wish, in a soft voice.

“My only one, my love belongs to those that are faithful.”

(I hope you have enjoyed reading it until now. I wonder how you feel and if you like it. Feel free to talk to me and ask me questions if you have any. Your feedback is treasured. I promise you. Posting this at 1:34am tho has me feeling a bit loopy. Is loopy a word? Unsure. However from the bottom of my heart- thank you for reading until now.)

[metfell]

hi you are very cool tumblr user metfell ive been lurking in the shadows and posting stupid stuff for a while but i finally worked up the courage to come off of anon n actually talk!!

your work has genuinely inspired me so much, i haven't been drawing this much since 2018 and whenever i see some of your art on the dash it just motivates me to the point where i've put hours into improving an experimenting with my craft. yesterday i hit a point now where i actually felt good about what i create for the first time in months. i don't think i would be at this point if it wasn't for your activity in the fandom. you've not only inspired me to keep drawing and improving, but you've led me to a bunch of different fan creators who've gotten me to work on storyboarding and writing as well!! i've recently been expanding outside of the world of fan content and working behind the scenes on my own original projects, i could not be more excited. so just thank you for having a positive influence online, it really means a lot! hope you have a wonderful day, and if you're celebrating, a wonderful holiday as well!

Oh my god I genuinely don’t even know what to say. Like…. knowing that I’ve had such an impact on you in such a helpful way, and inspiring you to grow and improve as an artist is what I’ve kind of been trying to do my whole life. My goal in life is to be an art teacher at some point, and even if I don’t end up as one, I genuinely think that the inspiration my work has given to my followers fulfills my goal of inspiring people to create.

I just have always thought the art world is so cruel and rude, and so I’ve always tried to hold up the attitude that anybody can start making art, anybody can improve, and all they need is a gentle hand to guide them towards it. Not a rigorous conservatorial schooling. And I just. I feel like I’m rambling and all but I’m just floored and kind of emotional knowing I’ve actually achieved what I’ve wanted to achieve my whole life just by making art for people on tumblr.

And NOT TO MENTION the fact I’ve only just recently felt like my art is good enough. I’ve had major imposter syndrome for the longest time, and a lot of my stuff was just genuinely… not that good until my mcyt art.

Idk. Thank you for sharing this with me no words can describe how amazed and thankful I am for getting the honor of being your inspiration.

[writteninkat]

iv - carnival tickets

word count: 2,246

warnings: mentions of blood and dead animals

"I'ma break you off, let me be your motivation"

index

Today was the day you and the rest of class 1A can finally try out their hero costumes. You smiled, looking at yourself in the mirror, giving yourself butterflies as you do so.

Your hero costume was a simple black bodysuit type. Garters attacked to the clothing helped keep your thigh high boots up. The top covered your entire arms, hands and fingers- you designed it this way so your palms wouldn’t be littered with callouses given that you deal with weapons like swords and scythes every time you use your quirk.

The bodysuit is a title neck type that showed off your shoulders. Your costume is finished off with a full face black kitsune mask with glowing blue paint around the eyes, it makes up the whiskers as well as a little nose of a fox.

You keep it up on your head, not wanting to put it on unless you're engaging in combat.

You close your locker, joining the girls who are hyping each other up in what they’re wearing. You all step out of the changing area and you can’t help but feel giddy as you approach your teachers, excited with the activities for today.

Everyone begins freaking out at the site of All Might- which you don’t get at all. He’s blond, has a freakish smile and a built body. So what? “Who’s he?” You whisper at Mina who looks at you as if you’ve grown two heads.

“What?”

You sigh, “Who’s he? And why is everyone freaking out about him?” You ask again and Mina gives you that same look, but much worse. She’s acting as if you’ve just asked a very stupid question. “That’s All Might.” She answers, tone unusually calm and soft.

“I meat who is he?”

“The number one hero.”

You furrow your brows, gaze scanning the man who’s busy talking in front of the awestruck class. You tilt your head to the side, “That’s your number one pro hero?” You ask, pouting.

“You sound a lot of things- underwhelmed? Disappointed? Dissatisfied?” Bakugou says from behind you, the look in his eyes catching you off guard. You pause for a moment, choosing your words carefully to make sure you’re not offending anyone who’s within earshot.

“You look up to him?” You ask and he raises a brow at you as if you’ve just asked the most obvious question in all time. “He’s been my hero since forever. I look up to him more than anyone in the world. He’s my inspiration and the one of the biggest contributors to my dream go being a hero.” Your eyebrows lift in shock, you’ve never heard nor seen Bakugou respect a person so much. And by the looks of Mina, Kirishima and Denki, they haven’t seen this side of him either.

Your heart breaks as you return your gaze to the number one hero in front of you, smiling sadly. You don't know how or why, but your judgement tells you that the seven-footer man in front of you isn't all that powerful- not anymore at least.

"Here's the breakdown. There will be four teams of two- half of them will be heroes and the other half will be villains. The hero team can win in two ways; you can either capture the villains or retrieve the bomb. The villain team wins if the hero team is unable to do any of the tasks within the time limit." He explains quite clearly and thoroughly.

You feel your heart beat against your chest, you're feeling very giddy. Your excitement causes Bakugou's lips to twitch upwards, carving out a soft smile to which he hides almodt immediately so no one can see him.

All Might pulls out a draw lots box, letting fate decide which teams everyone belong to. You end up being teammates with Aoyama and Mina who you happily greet.

Everyone is asked to stay inside a monitoring room to watch and observe their classmates in battle. When All Might announces Bakugou and Izuku's team being up first, you don't think before walking up to the blond and placing a hand on his shoulder. He turns his head to the side, raising an expecting brow.

"Good luck out there." You smile softly to which he scoffs at. "I don't need luck to win." He punches his palm as he sets of his quirk, "I already know I will."

You roll your eyes, walking towards Izuku to wish him good kuck as well before following the class to the monitor room. Your eyes scan over the wall of monitors, finding it closely similar to the monitor room your house has back in the US.

As you watch Bakugou and Izuku in battle, it's clear to see that there's something going on between them. There seems to be a conflict between them that you can't quite point and as much as you wanted to ask Bakugou about it, you decided to wait until he'd tell you.

Why on earth do you think he'd tell you?

You shake your head and clear your stupid thoughts, stepping away into a corner and sitting down to mentally prepare yourself. As you try to meditate, you don't realise how much time has went by until you're being called by All Might for your turn.

You scan the room but don't spot an angry blond nor an angel look-a-like green haired boy. You pout, hoping to at least see thosep pretty vermilion eyes before the activity.

As you take your steps towards the building, a small smile stretches across your lips when you see Bakugou's familiar back towards you, only for it to smile when you see just how upset he looks like.

"C'mon, Y/n! We're the villains right now we can't be late!!" Mina calls out to you, waving her hand up. You look back at Bakugo one last time, your gazes catching each other before you step inside the building, pulling your mask down to cover your face.

"Hey Mina? Can you let me take charge of our group?" You ask as the three of you make your way towards the room where the fake bomb is. "Alright! We'll be at your command!" She salutes to you a little too enthusiastically to which you chuckle softly at, making sure to smile with your eyes to make sure she sees you're smiling despite the mask covering your face.

After All Might makes sure each teams' statuses are a go, he commences the activity. "Alright. What would you like for us to do, captain?" Mina asks. You stay quiet for a moment, summoning two katanas in each of your hands. You move them around, making sure your wrists are loose and flexible before actually using them.

"You guys can stay still and guard the bomb." You say, adjusting your gloves before turning around to face the only entrance and exit of the room. "I'll have to go and hunt me some heroes."

"It's been a few minutes since they started and when Y/n suddenly disappeared like that. What do you think the villains are planning?" Tsuyu asks, eyes on the screen as the class continues to search for you in every monitor in the wall, but to no avail.

"I've been seeing a few mice here and there. Do you think that's Koda's doing?" Kirishima asks, to which Denki asks back, "Are the mice you see dead or alive?"

Kirishima furrows his brows at the blond, about to explain how the mice are alive but stops himself when he looks back at the screen and sees the mice he was looking at just a few seconds ago was now dead, body sliced in half. He checks the other monitors as well and his confusion rises even more at the sight of multiple dead mice all over the floors.

"Time is ticking, heroes. You better get to the bomb or if this was a real life situation it'd have blown up by now." All Might says into the mic which puts pressure on the two boys.

The class watches in anticipation as the two steps into a wide and open room, somewhere similar to where Bakugou and Izuku were fighting in a while ago.

"No one's here." Sato states, turning around. "Then, there should only be one room left-"

"Leaving so soon, heroes?" You ask, body leaning on the closed door with one foot pressed on it and your arms crossed across your chest.

Sato and Koda raise their guards, stepping into a fighting stance as theylook at you with such focused eyes. You chuckle, "Your little friends running around the building were pretty hard to find. Not to mention there were quite a handful of them which caused me to reach my speed quirk's limit."

"So it was Y/n who sliced all those rats? But we didn't see her at all. There were no movements in any of the cameras." Sero points out, confusion evident in his face. "Well, she did use her speed quirk. And if what she stated was true, then she'll be no longer to use that quirk of hers, at least during this fight." Iida voices out.

"Two guys against one girl? Isn't that too unfair for her?" Mineta asks, receiving a growl from Bakugou. "If you think her being a girl puts her at a disadvantage you're wrong. If you wanna be a hero, it doesn't matter what your gender is, as long as you're strong."

Despite being in a foul mood, Bakugou still found himself wanting to fight for you. He didn't like the thought of people lookibg down at him, but he found it weird how he preferred it when people not look down at you instead.

"Come on boys. I'll keep this quick and short for you so we can end this activity already." Fingerless boxing gloves appear in each of your hands, they're black but with neon blue accents. You get into a fighting stance, "I really hate sweating."

Sato charges at you, throwing a naive punch at your way to which you dodge easily- scoffing. What was he trying to do, intimidate a little child? As you moved your body to the side, dodging his immature punch, you punch him in the gut, eyes on Koda as you do this.

You hear Sato wheeze before his body falls to the ground. You crack your knuckles, walking towards Koda who begins to panic, using his quirk to call in all sorts of birds and squirrels.

"Koda, this is as scary as being chased by a street gang of kittens." You say, stepping towards him. You step to his side, bringing your hand up to his forehead and flicking it, the contact causing him to tremble before losing consciousness.

Your mother's body guard taught you this- it was a skill he said that most assassins he worked with knows about. He never clearly explained to you how to do it, but as long as your opponent had the slightest bit of fear for you, it will end up working. For Koda's case, he looked like he was about to piss his pants, so it worked out a little too well for you.

"Y/n's team wins this round." All Might announces as the rest of class 1A stands behind him, unsure of what they had just seen.

As the day comes to an end, you learn from Kirishima and Mina that Bakugou has been feeling off since the fight lately. "We tried to stop him from leaving, but he just wouldn't listen. Izuku went and ran after him too. If you go now you should be able to catch up to the both of them." Urataka explains, setting the stack of books she's carrying on a desk.

You run out of the classroom, jumping down flights of stairs to get to the entrance of the highschool as quickly as possible. By the time your eyes finally caught sight of the two boys, they were already talking with each other.

"I wasn't hiding my quirk from you. It was given to me by someone else, recently."

You raise your brows, quickly hiding yourself from the both of them. You place a finger gently on your lips as you stared at the floor, listening as Izuku explained to Bakugou.

The next thing you know it, Bakugou was now yelling at the green haired boy. He sounded so upset, as if he wanted to cry. It was clear as day that the blond didn't like losing, not to anyone and especially not to Izuku.

You took a peak, eyes widening as you see Katsuki Bakugou looking so vulnerable with tears in the corners of his eyes, his brows knitted from being so upset with himself. He walks away, slouching as he wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

You step out of your hiding spot, Izuku's expression growing nervous when he sees you. "O-oh hey, hey Y/n! I didn't... ummm... did you..." He looks down, scratching the back of his head. "Did you hear something?"

You stare him down for a moment, unsure of what to answer before sighing. "I'm not going to say anything to anyone nor ask you about it. But I will tell you this." Your words causes Izuku to look up at you in anticipation. "The second you master that power of yours, you have to fight me with everything you've got. Alright?"

Bakugou grumbles to himself, kicking at a rock, watching as it rolls into a canal. He huffs, annoyed. "I'd tell you you look ugly when you're mad, but then I'd be telling you you look ugly everyday." You yell at him from behind, causing him to turn around.

"School isn't over yet." Bakugou furrows his brows as he watches you make your way towards him. "And yet here we are." You point out, smiling as you put your hands behind your back.

He sighs, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. "What do you want?"

You take out two pink carnival tickets from your pocket, shoving it at his face and waving it in front of him. "I've always went to this carnival with my mom back in the US and I'm feeling kind of homesick. I accidentally bought two tickets too so now you gotta go with me."

You begin to pull at him to which he pulls back, a bored expression resting on his adorable face.

Adorable?

"No." He grunts.

You smile at him, "I wasn't giving you a choice."

[jpegjade]

When the Party’s Over - Spencer

WHY IS THIS THE LONGEST THING IVE WRITTEN???? probably bc drunk me is wordy. i do talk a lot when i’m drunk and it gets on people’s nerves. i just really love you guys. i was sad when i wrote this, really sad, and it’s the first “smut”???? ive ever written. so here we go frens and ferns. 

warnings: uuuhhhh smut???

________________

When the night started, you were at Rossi’s house, getting drunk with the team. It was right after a hard case, difficult on everyone’s psyche so Rossi invited everyone over to relax in the usual way. After pasta and drinks, most of the team was still there while Spencer offered to drive you home since you were not in the shape to drive and he was the only one who opted for water instead of alcohol. He was beat but he wasn’t in the mood to drink tonight. 

Spencer was being a good friend but he had his motives. He wanted to talk to you in the car. You weren’t so drunk that you wouldn’t remember the conversation but your inhibitions were lowered enough to be truly and completely honest with him so you were the slightest bit tipsy but not drunk. You were 100% lucid and could think for yourself but you took the excuse to drink some of the smirnoff you brought and keep going. 

He wasn’t planning for it to happen like this but you were being very outspoken to everyone at the party so he figured it was time to get you home before you were out of a job after calling Hotch, “Hotchner the Grouch.” They found it funny but Spencer knew that you could go wrong easily. 

“Spencer Reid.” You said, staring at him. “I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be as honest as I’m being right now.” 

“Okay. I promise to be honest.” Spencer said, a little nervous. He chuckled anyway because you were so adamant that he answered honestly. 

“Do you like me?” You asked, suddenly very serious. 

“Y/n, you’re my best friend. Of course I like you.” Spencer tried to give you an answer that wouldn’t expose his real thoughts. 

For the past few months, Spencer thought about you a lot. It caused him to avoid you a little bit but you wouldn’t let him stray too far away from you. You kept texting him outside of the team group chat. You continued inviting him over for dinner. You never relented on checking in with his mental health. You never gave up on your relationship with him. 

 You were so focused on his jawline that your hand worked by itself, poking his face. He smiled and made the turn into your apartment complex’s parking lot and parked. 

“While I appreciate the validation of our friendship, that’s not what I mean and you know it.” You said, very serious. 

Spencer looked over at you, nervous to answer. He swallowed and took a shaky breath. 

“Y/n, is it really important?” Spencer tried to avoid the conversation. 

He opened the door and got out, walking quickly around to your side of the car to open the door. He didn’t have to but he wanted to. It’s always what he did. 

“Yes, it’s important, Spencer. I want to know.” You bumped shoulders with him as the two of you walked to your apartment on the third floor. 

Spencer sighed. 

“Yes, I like you. A lot…” You and Spencer arrived at your door, handing you your keys. 

You just stood there, staring up at Spencer. You reached up to touch his hair. It was so soft… You wrapped your fingers around one of the curls and smiled. Spencer stood there, nose ghosting over yours. 

“Do you want to come in?” It was barely audible but it was there. 

“I shouldn’t. You’re not sober. Unless you just want to hang out.” He said, looking at his wing tip shoes. 

“Spencer, get in here. I have literally been waiting almost a whole year for you to say that.” You pulled him to you by his tie and kissed him. 

*****

It was tentative at first. It tasted like spearmint gum. Spencer wasn’t chewing any at the moment so you guessed that he had been chewing it earlier. You liked that. It was refreshing. Slowly, Spencer got more comfortable with the kiss and relaxed and got more involved. It was sweet and gentle and soft. You felt his hands in your hair and felt the gentle pull and you released an involuntary moan. You could feel Spencer smile, the two of you momentarily breaking apart. 

Breaking apart left you speechless and in a daze. It was almost like you were in a fog but your head was clear. You were more than ready to do what you had been thinking about with Spencer for the past year. Some part of you needed this release while the other part of you needed him. 

“So inside?” You said. “The apartment, I mean.” 

“Yeah.” Spencer said, just as dazed.

Getting in the door was a task by itself. You and Spencer tried to go in at the same time and it was quite awkward but he let you go in first. 

You closed the door behind you, pressing your back to the cold surface. Scanning Spencer’s face, you saw that he was staring at your lips. 

“Do you want to continue here or should we...” He asked, looking back up at your eyes. 

“You tell me. I’ll let you take control tonight.” You said, smirking. 

Spencer clenched and unclenched his jaw nervously before licking his lips. You always liked when he did that. He wore chapstick but he never did it for anything other than a sign that he was thinking. 

“I haven’t been in your apartment before.” He said, gingerly. He smiled as you took his hand, guiding him to your bedroom. 

You grabbed your cat off the bed, putting it outside the bedroom and shooing it away. The cat sauntered around to find somewhere else to sleep. 

“Are we really about to do this?” Spencer asked, looking at you on the bed. 

Laying back on the bed, half of you held up by your elbows, you marveled at Spencer. The light from your hallway illuminated his silhouette very nicely. You could see the curves of his arms and his slender frame very clearly. 

“Do you want to do it?” You said, tilting your head a little bit. 

“Yeah, a lot.” Spencer said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. 

He had dreamed about this moment, literally, but he didn’t know he would be so nervous. He didn’t think it would ever happen. He never imagined you’d be laying in front of him like this. 

“Then drop the pants and I’ll drop to my knees,” You smirked. 

“Do you mind if we skip that part?” Spencer said not really in the mood for a blow job. 

It wasn’t that he was opposed to it, it’s just that he didn’t want to think of you like that yet. He felt like those experiences were for days where there wasn’t much time. Tonight, you had all the time in the world.

“You’re telling me you don't want my mouth on your dick?” You said, confused. 

You stood up, getting close to Spencer. You started unbuckling his belt and he audibly swallowed. He was nervous, not because of you but because he wanted this to go right. There was pressure when it came to something so intimate for the first time with someone. He felt your hands on his hips once you got his belt undone. 

“Shoes on or off?” He asked. 

“I’m taking my shoes off, obviously.” You said, already flipping them off. “Oh, you mean you. Well depends on what you want to do. You can bend me over the side of the bed, fuck me from behind, and call it a night. Or, if you want to draw it out, you can climb on top of me and fuck me in the bed. Oh, there’s also shower sex if you feel gross. Wouldn’t recommend it because it’s slippery and counterproductive to me getting wet.” You were rambling off some of the many fantasies and logistics that you’d thought about over the past year. You had thought about it a lot. 

Spencer kissed you. He just wanted you to take a breath because the more you talked about what you thought about, the more he thought about it. And the more he thought about all the ways he wanted to make love to you, the more he just wanted to get started. 

“Spencer, please pick somewhere because I’m literally struggling to keep it together.” You said in a low tone. 

“Clothes off, on the bed, legs open. I’ve got you tonight, baby.” Spencer said with a little more confidence. 

“Yes, sir.” You said, getting undressed. 

Spencer watched you but at the same time, he got dressed down to his boxers. Staring at you, he wondered how you were able to stay so calm on the outside right now. He didn’t usually have the sex drive as high as this moment. His body was on fire with desire and excitement but he was trying so hard to contain it. 

You laid down in the bed, just like Spencer told you to. He flipped on the light and you protested lightly with a groan and covered your face with both hands. 

“I want to watch you come all over me and lose complete control of your body. I can’t do that in the dark.” He said, walking over to the bed. 

“Well damn. Look at you, Spence. Actually showing some confidence. About damn time.” You said, smiling. You loved confident Spencer in all aspects of life, not just here. There was something about him that made you...want to be laid out in front of him, completely naked like you were now. 

“I honestly don’t know where I want to start…” Spencer said. Climbing onto the bed, he did the first thing that came to mind. 

“What’s your line?” He said, kissing your inner thigh, right above your knee. 

“Fuck, uh…” You never really thought of it in relation to Spencer. “Just don’t kill me.” You nervously chuckled. 

More thigh kisses. You wanted to grab your phone and put on some background music but it was just out of reach and Spencer’s arms looped through your legs and pinned your waist down to the bed. His grip was pretty firm. 

“Spence, can we…” A deep moan cut you off and slipped out your mouth when you felt his mouth finally where you wanted him. 

“Hmm?” Spencer looked up at you while his mouth went to work. The vibrations sent shockwaves up your body. 

“Holy shit. More.” You said. More was what he gave you, slipping in two fingers that matched the tempo that his mouth set. 

You were almost there, Spencer’s hair firmly in your hand and his name tumbling from your lips like a prayer, when Spencer slowed down and all together stopped. 

“I swear to god the room better be of fire.” You said, gritting your teeth. You were so, so close and he was being a tease. 

“You’re being a brat, baby. I promise I’ll give you exactly what you’re looking for.” Spencer said, looking for a towel.

“Don’t be a wuss. Kiss me.” You said, drawing his attention away from his towel search. He was nervous that you wouldn’t want to kiss him after he just went down on you. Crawling on top of you, he just stared at your features before you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to you. 

You hated breaking apart from kissing him, you really did. It left you in a daze, making the light seem a little too bright for your eyes. He rushed over to his satchel, digging in its contents to find the condom Morgan gave him for emergency purposes as a joke one day. Who knew it would come in handy. 

“Are you ready?” You asked Spencer. He chuckled. 

“I was just about to ask if you were ready.” Spencer went back to being a little awkward. He was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with you. 

“Spencer are you sure you don’t want me to help you out?” You asked, watching him shift as he got rid of his underwear. 

“I think I’m okay.” He said, blushing. 

“Okay well let me know if… Spencer, what the fuck?” You asked, looking down, between the two of you. “And you expect me to take all of that?” 

“Is it bad? I know I’m not like other guys but…” Spencer grew a little shy. 

“No, just work your magic because you’re different than most guys. Spence, just be confident because you are very special.” You said, hoping it helped him come back out of his shell. 

“Breathe, okay? It might be a little… Much.” Spencer said, lining himself up with you. 

“I’m fi…” You were cut off as he gently pushed into you. “Holy shit!” Was all you could breathe out while you tried to catch your breath. Much was an understatement with what you felt from Spencer just barely being inside of you.

He paused to let you adjust but it was tough. You could feel yourself stretching when he started moving a little more to help you relax. He took your leg and hitched it around his waist, making you gasp in shock. That was a completely new sensation that sped up your heart rate even faster, your head getting slightly dizzy. 

“Stay with me, darling, okay?” He whispered in your ear. 

If you weren’t all in with Spencer before, your feelings were definitely there now. 

The pace he set was slow and gentle, soft and delicate like he didn’t want to break you. It was just like you imagined it. Your hands intertwined with Spencer’s as he treated you so kindly. You felt pressure just below your stomach and it was like you couldn’t do anything but shut your eyes and let your body feel it. 

“Just keep breathing, okay? It makes it last longer.” Spencer said, trying to stay focused. His brain was going through the female anatomy but he wanted to stay focused. He opened his eyes as he continued pushing himself in and out of you. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable, taking his right hand and moving his thumb over your cheek. You looked so soft under him. 

“Faster.” You whimpered, the only thing you could manage. 

Everything felt nice, it felt comfortable. You were comfortable with Spencer. You thought it would be hotter, more dramatic when you would imagine it. You imagined him grabbing your hips and plunging himself into you until your body was exhausted and used. But that’s not how it worked. 

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked, quietly. He was going faster and a bit harder, making it very hard for you to concentrate. 

“I’m…” You couldn’t think of the answer. You couldn’t think at all right then.

“You’re doing such a good job, love. Just relax, I’ve got you.” Spencer kissed you on the forehead before shifting your leg a bit higher on his hip. That ignited something inside of you that was hard to turn off. 

Your body was on pins and needles. You felt your body shaking as you held onto Spencer’s hand. He kissed you, soft and slightly frenzied. He was chasing his own release so quickly. Everything moved so smoothly between the two of you. 

Spencer’s body rolled into yours like the ocean, and you were the beach. His waves rushed into your shore over and over, filling you with pleasure you couldn’t find on your own. He was kissing your neck, marking you with sweet mumbles of, “I’m all yours.” 

“Spence…” Another instance of being unable to think or speak clearly. 

“I know, I know. And I want you to let it go for me. Be good for me and let go, y/n. I’m right here.” He said, kissing you deeply. 

Spencer pushed into you a little sloppier, trying to stay composed but it was a challenge. He wanted to make sure you rode out your high, which you were definitely doing. Your body was shaking and you were out of it a little bit as you came down. Spencer finished in the condom and kissed you so many times that you lost count. Your cheeks, your neck, your lips, forehead, nose, lips again. 

“Spencer, that was… That was nice.” You said, opening your eyes. He was smiling over you, shaking a little bit. You weren’t sure if his arms were tired or if he felt like you did. You hoped to god that he felt like you did. It worked out so well up to this point. 

He rolled off of you, standing up to get that towel to clean you up. He saw the bathroom door cracked open so he slipped the condom off and put his star trek underwear back on as he went into the bathroom and warmed up a small towel and grabbed a big towel. 

“I got aftercare towels.” He said, walking back into the room. 

You had curled up into yourself, laying down on your side, as you fell asleep slowly. You heard him come back into the room and smiled as he cleaned you up and helped you put a t-shirt on. Putting the towels in your wastebasket, he flipped the overhead light off and came back around to the opposite side of the bed and gently nudged you to let him hold you. 

“How do you feel?” Spencer asked, nuzzling his head into the crook between your shoulder and your neck. 

He felt so warm on your back like that, holding you tight. You felt safe and secure. 

“Spence, I love you.” You mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear. 

“I love you too, y/n,” Spencer said, falling asleep himself.

________________

taglist: 

@i-love-you-green

[briannartoonz]

Hey guys, important so please read this is an update on me and where ive been!

Hi, so its been a while, uh hi, so a lot has been going on since ive been gone, some good some bad, ive been participating in artfight this month, ive been sick, and a lot of other stuff! 

but i wanna make this post cuz i wanna share some stuff thats been going on with me and other stuff, now that ive decided to come back to tumblr to be active here again

so to start off, ive decided not too long ago that im gonna be returning to the hazbin hotel/ helluva boss fandom, i really enjoyed being apart of the fandom when i first started posting here, i made a lot of good friends in that fandom, i loved the ocs/ngs i had and relationships they had with my friend’s ocs. My bf got me back into it and i decided to give the fandom another shot, so yeah, im gonna be using my hazbin ocs/ngs again and im back to being apart of the fandom

also something else thats bee going on is im currently working on a new show that i have my friends working with me one called “Kingagers” (i’ll post stuff about that show at some point in the future) but its a project we’re working on, have voice actors for, as well as animators and other people to help out, we’ve currently taken a break from the show for a bit, but my friend is working on a storyboard for a trailer for the series, which im excited for cuz i really wanna get to animating and working on it to show to everyone and get opinions on, its a project im really happy to be working on and im happy to have other artists and animators that im glad to be friends with helping me put this together! ^^

also my bf joining tumblr and he’s gonna be posting his artwork and such there so if y’all could go follow my husband that’d be amazing! he’s very talented and draws a lot of cute stuff! he’ll also be drawing hazbin related stuff as well! (i’ll @ him in another post when he’s done setting his blog up)

also i now have a twitter https://twitter.com/BriannARTOONZ so if you wanna go ahead and follow me on there, there it is! 

last thing i wanna say, im sorry for dipping for a good few months, my mental health hasnt been the best lately, ive been busy with a lot of things, and ive been losing a lot of motivation for art, and ive been trying to better myself as well, i hope to be more active here, sorry ive been gone for so long

-Brian

[yessoupy]

the @imetyouonljpodcast episode this week gave me lots of thoughts and feelings about star wars. more like, reminded me of all my thoughts and feelings around my first fandom. thus, I decided to write my own journey into and throughout star wars fandom, and what it means to me. buckle up, this story spans decades.

my very first memory of anything star wars-related is a yoda puppet that my grandmother had. it had to be from the original run of the movies, because I was maybe 4 in my first memory of it, and i was born in '86. my sisters and I loved it, and one of our cousins was deathly scared of it so we'd chase him around the house with it.

my second memory of star wars was going to the movie store with my dad and sisters and seeing our favorite yoda on the cover of a VHS. "yoda yoda yoda! daddy, it's yoda!!! can we get it?" we were holding up the display cover for return of the jedi. dad said no, we couldn't get that one yet because we had to watch them in order. so we rented a new hope and all I remember was falling asleep while artoo and threepio were trundling across the tatooine desert sands. at five I guess I was too young.

in early 1997 the special editions of the original trilogy were aired in theaters and I was in 4th grade. dad took us to see one of them (I think empire, at some point we'd finally finished a new hope). at school that grading period I sat next to a boy named mark and he noticed I was drawing little x-wing silhouettes on my paper. "you like star wars too?" he asked. when I said yes, he declared that because of my name, he was going to call me skywalker. that's the name on the back of my high school letter jacket.

in fall of 1998 I started the 6th grade and I came home from school one day to a hardbound book my mom had checked out for me from the library. heir to the empire by timothy zahn. mom pointed out where it said on the cover it was a trilogy, and I could get the other books when I finished this one. she hadn't found the young jedi knights series for me. she'd checked out a GROWN-UP star wars book.

in spring of 1999 the phantom menace came out and my parents' friend took me to see it on opening day because neither of them were free and I HAD to go that day. later on that year she took me to a star wars exhibit at the museum of fine arts. that was also the first time I saw a monet and a renoir. the exhibit had costumes (real costumes!!!) from the original trilogy and the newest prequel. I bought a book about the myth of star wars in the museum gift shop.

I read every expanded universe book our local library had, which was a lot. I had a lot to catch up on, too, since heir to the empire had been published in 1992. you never saw me at school without a star wars book. I read while walking in the hallways, even. in 6th grade I read during lunch, since I was in varsity orchestra with 7th and 8th graders and was terribly shy. they'd tell me I should socialize at lunch, not read my books, but... I wanted to read. I had a lot to learn. I have a lot to know.

I was in 7th grade when I read vector prime, the first in the new series. my first class of the day was science, and the boy I had a crush on was in that class. we had DEAR time at the beginning of that class - drop everything and read. not a hardship for me. that day, I read the part of the book where chewbacca was killed. I looked up, astonished. heartbroken. I locked eyes with the boy I liked. he nodded at the book and I showed him the cover. he nodded sympathetically. "they killed chewie," I whispered. he said "I know."

I wrote original characters in star wars fan fiction when I was about 13. I had an internet friend named rachel who lived in brisbane. then there was dave and 'roswell' who gave me ideas for my story. I loved being able to talk about the wide world of star wars with other people. we used aol instant messenger and email. my username in those days had 'skywalker' in it. I am pretty sure we met in an aol chatroom. I didn't find much of use on the official star wars site and I have probably visited it fewer than 10 times since 1999.

I read those books all through middle and high school. they were my christmas presents and my birthday presents. I moved into our family beach house after college. it sounds really nice but I didn't have running water because it was the summer after Ike hit. I would go to the used book store on 23rd street and buy a stack of star wars books and read them while I waiting for calls to interview for a teaching position. weekends I'd go into town to stay at a friend's house and help her with wedding stuff. I'd shower there, too. that's where my new stash of star wars books started, with me catching up on the legacy of the force series I hadn't read in college and then finishing up through the fate of the jedi as those came out. I felt that I had grown up with these characters. I remembered when kyp was just an orphan han rescued, when jacen and jaina were five years old, when corran horn had no wife, no kids, and was just finding out who his family was. I had capital o opinions about what color lightsaber i would have and why (silver; bc corran), I knew the geography of the galaxy and where everyone was from and my favorite planet was dathomir because women ruled it. I knew all of these characters' histories and motivations and the difficult decisions they'd made and had to live with. I loved them.

i never ventured into the online fandom space for star wars, even after I'd found other online fandom spaces, because I didn't feel like there was anything anyone could add to it for me. I was satisfied with all I'd gotten. sure, favorite characters had been killed (after chewie, the one who stung most was Mara, luke's wife), but people die. and in such a long-running series spanning so many years and trillions of miles of space... you come to expect it.

people would ask me ALL THE TIME when the sequels were coming out and I said never. then, disney bought star wars. initially I was excited (tears of joy happy) to have sequels confirmed. my mind raced, imagining a trilogy centered on the events surrounding jacen's descent to the dark side. the original actors would be the right age for that. who could play jacen?

then, the announcement came that the canon was now 'legends' and they wouldn't be taking any of it into account when writing the sequels BUT that didn't mean we wouldn't see old canon favorites. they announced adam driver as the villain and I thought "jacen." I held onto the idea that this knowledge I had, these years of knowing these stories, would still be worth something. that I'd be able to add new information to my mental bookshelves and maps. that my universe would expand further.

the force awakens was a bitter disappointment. I was upset from the crawl, leia's title making it clear to me that she wasn't chief of state, she wasn't the mother to three children, han wasn't her husband, and all of her history I'd grown to love really was gone. what I saw was the older version of a woman I'd met when she was 18 and hadn't seen her since her early twenties. I didn't know her.

I didn't know the galaxy, either. starting with the new jedi order series, a map of the galaxy was included in the front of each book with the planets named so you knew where everything was happening. the new galaxy was bare. it was small and knowable. while the hosnian prime system was destroyed in the movie, I'd never known it, and all the planets I DID know were similarly blasted out of memory. where was dathomir and its fierce warrior witches? if their planets were gone so were their people.

as the movie trudged on, a retelling of a new hope, I kept thinking, "at least let his name be jacen." I hung my hopes on this sith character being han and leia's son and sharing that name of the boy I'd known and the man who'd grown up to turn to the dark side. at that first shout of 'BEN!' I was angry. Ben?? that was the name of LUKE'S son! that was MARA'S child! Ben??? with three letters jacen solo and ben skywalker were also dead to the galaxy.

I know, I know. I should get over it. I AM thankful for poe dameron. the x-wing books were always my favorite. poe was familiar to me the way other new characters weren't. he was part of the new republic navy. I knew what that was. he flew an x-wing. I knew what that was.l and what company manufactured them. he was from yavin IV, I knew where that was and what it looked like. finn was a stormtrooper, yes, but the empire had not stolen children to be raised as stormtroopers. they were recruited like any other position. his story wasn't real to me, it wasn't something I could easily accept. and the idea that the new republic just LET the first order rise? leia's new republic would NEVER. but leia wasn't chief of state in this universe. leia hadn't had that power.

I read a lot of articles about the force awakens and the reactions to it, and never saw myself in any of them. the star wars fanboys whom I'd never known were painted as being angry because their fan knowledge was useless and "boo-hoo poor widdle fanboys" they would be mocked, rightfully. but that's why I was angry, ultimately. everyone I knew and loved was dead. worse, they'd never existed. "what do you think will happen?" some unsuspecting coworker would ask. I'd shrug, but inside I was yelling "who the fuck knows! my favorite characters don't exist anymore. nothing I know as this person you know as SKYWALKER means anything anymore."

it only got worse from there. One day I spent four hours figuring out how far the casino planet was from the drifting ships in the last jedi and doing math to figure out how long it would REALLY take to get there, using old canon star wars physics. I couldn't suspend my disbelief during that movie. everything was wrong. (the other space physics quibble I had was from TFA when poe is using comms while in hyperspace, and dropping out on a command and not... when nav told him to?? you'd fly right through a star!! were they HOVERING in hyperspace? none of it made sense.) I knew too much and too little to enjoy it.

TROS was a narrative mess already retconning new canon and I decided that I would only keep what I liked about the new canon (poe and his family) and pretend the old canon is all there is. one day I'll write the story of poe being part of the storied rogue squadron being sent by leia's new republic to put down the fascist upstarts at the edge of the unknown regions. one day.

one more quick story -- i met my college friend’s three kids for the first time when the oldest was 6. i’d sent a toy lightsaber as a gift when he was born, because i believe every child should get their first lightsaber from a skywalker, and his father had shown him the movies when he turned 4. when i walked into the house i said hello and he said, “i have some questions about star wars.”

we sat on the couch with the tfa visual dictionary, a book he’d gotten out of the library. every question he had was an excellent question, and i couldn’t answer any of them. “why does his lightsaber look like that? and why does he have the extra blades?” 

“well, kiddo, let’s see what it says here about how lightsabers are made. i used to know all about it, but they changed everything on me.”

---

what i love about star wars since disney bought it:

poe dameron, cassian andor (and all of rogue one, i got over the fact that the movie wouldn’t be about rogue squadron it was PERFECT), solo (a fucking DELIGHT), the mandalorian, and i’m sure the cassian andor live action will be amazing and i’ll love it. 

[symphonicspecter]

Got any hobbies? Or just, things you're excited about currently?

Does.Chatting with friends count as a hobby. Ah, not that I’m that good at it. My most socialization lately is posting on tumblr and sharing memes on discord

Well, writing is one hobby of mine! There’s what I post on tumblr which is most of what I’ve done recently. But over the past year I’ve taken some workshop classes for poetry and short stories.

And drawing! But lately I haven’t had a lot of motivation. I have plenty of ideas but the past several times I’ve opened up a canvas I haven’t gotten much done before doing something else. Drawing digitally feels different from drawing traditionally, amd I want to get back to drawing again, so I’m thinking of drawing in sketchbooks for a while to get back to it.

Gaming is another hobby of mine! Lately I’ve been playing Minecraft some days and Ori and the Blind Forest other days. I actually have quite a few games Ive gotten for free off of game pass and steam that I haven’t played yet! Tbh I wanted to stream but I don’t really have a private place to do that.

Something I’m excited about right now is a beach trip with my out of state family we have planned in August! It’s been years since I was last at a beach and I don’t get to see that part of my family often. Im hoping one day we might go to the aquarium that’s near the place we’re staying, too!