#been REALLY busy with work the past couple weeks so my energy to do anything really has a been a little stagnate

[timewontwait]

the universe decided retail wasn’t enough and that i needed to be nerfed (with a cold) and i am suffering because of it.

[angryschnauzer]

I realised two months have gone by since i last updated you all, i'm not even sure if anyone is interested anymore. I know i haven't been on much, perhaps sporadically coming on and mindlessly reblogging Henry stuff just for a little escape, but its intermittent at best. I had hoped to be back to writing by now, but life is still a huge pile of shit.

I'm run ragged trying to pay the bills. My wedding decorations business is halfway between slow and dead; the cost of living crisis means weddings aren't really happening, and if they are most of the items i do people are making themselves. My side gig in ebay flipping is quiet too but at least its trickling by. I don't mention this much as people get a lot of abuse over 'thrift store flippers' (Charity Shop resellers here in the UK), but right now its what's keeping my family fed. I buy clothing for £1 from the stinky dregs bin in a charity shop, wash it, mend it, resell it for £4. I'm not making millions or even thousands. I'm lucky if i'm bringing in £150 a week which barely covers our weekly food shop. Its draining that when i do eventually mention this to my friends they immediately start moaning at me that i'm the one 'ruining' charity shops and why its pushing the prices up. But when i calmly tell them its that or i don't eat they go quiet. I'm not the one pushing a 2nd hand coat for £25 which was only £20 brand new which most high street charity shops are doing. Do i like doing this? No. Do i have to? Yes. Because i sure as ain't cute enough for onlyfans.

But the majority of my time over the last couple of months has been spent caring for our son. He's 8 and has type 1 diabetes, and since school started back in September one little shit in his class has spent every waking moment bullying him. This little shit has been stabbing my son with pencils, poking him in the kidneys with whatever he has to hand, laughing and sneering at him at every opportunity even when he's just walking past. Having the adrenaline and cortisol in my son's bloodstream affects how his insulin works, and he builds up an insulin resistance because of all the other hormones in his bloodstream. I've had so many meetings with the school, and have had to get the board of governors involved because when your 8 year old kid says quietly to you "It would be better if i wasn't alive as then *Little Shit* wouldn't be able to bully me" your heart breaks into pieces.

He needs my support more than anything, so every single other thing has been put by the wayside. And its tough. He acts out at home, messes around with his dinner because he feels he needs to be able to control something, but that in turn messes up insulin dosing so i'm spending half the night dealing with highs and lows for his blood sugars. I get at most 5 hours sleep a night.

I have no more energy left. I'm not eating, because i just can't stomach it. I'm 43 and hitting menopause, but my doctor doesn't want to know because "You just need to loose some weight" (don't get be started on fat bias from the NHS).

So i'm filling my time with volunteering at school so i can be 'around' for my Little Dude. He knows that if he's having an awful day, he will find me in the office sorting through paperwork for our next fundraiser. Its not what i want to be doing, but its what i need to be doing.

One day i hope to get back to my writing. I miss being creative and i hate that i have so many stories part written/published. As the months tick by i actually end up seeing stories written by others that have the same characters/plotlines. This is no-ones fault that two stories exist on the same synopsis, it would just seem that they and I have taken the same inspiration from media at some point. But it makes me scared that if i now publish a story i started 2 years ago, i'll be accused of stealing an idea. I don't know what to do. So i just leave my WIP folder abandoned.

For everyone that has stayed with me thank you. For those that have moved onto pastures new, i wish you well and hold no malice.

I do love you all

Mama Schnauz

x

[monnn]

>Winter Petal✧⁠*

Pairing: non-idol!Wonwoo x gn!reader

Genre: angst, angst and more angst, one-sided love, reader is LOVESICK for Wonu!! >o<"

Warnings: it's just gonna hurt a lot and doesn't end happily, so read at your own risk(I'm sorry)

WC: 3.1+

A/N: oof, hello folks. the past few weeks has been such a roller-coaster and I wasn't really feeling better. I'm doing better now and I hope you are too♡ since this was due for quite a while, it's a bit Ionger than expected. this is the last part of the unexpected series and I hope you have enjoyed it so far! I'll shut up now and let you read, so hold on tight and let yourself feel while reading this! a little song recommendation: I Love You So by The Walters on loop! @-@

part-1, part-2 here!

_________________________________________

PRESENT

Wonu was busy adoring Jiyeon, while your eyes were on him, Jiyeon’s voice snapping you out of your trance.

“You’ll be there as early as possible. I better see you at the venue, at least a week before. Please Y/N?”she goes on, from demanding to begging real quick.

“I'll try my best Ji. You know how busy I can get” you say, sipping your hot chai.

They were getting married.

Wonwoo was getting married and it wasn't to you.

The biggest heart break of all times.

The thought of Wonwoo being the first of your friends’ circle to be hitched, is beyond you. Wonu hated commitments, relationships didn't matter.

“I still can't believe you're marrying this annoying ass, Jiyeon. He must've really worked wonders for his previous eight lives” you say, playfully knocking Wonu’s head, signalling him to get off his phone.

“Are you really my best friend?! You're supposed to be happy for me!” he whines. You just laugh at him instead of replying. Honestly, you were happy for him. Though it wasn't something your heart desired for, you were happy to see Wonwoo happy. Even if it means that you won't ever have a chance with him. Maybe you'll eventually forget him, you think. Though that's almost impossible.

Almost.

“But I agree with Jiyeon. You need to be there ASAP, Y/N. You know how much of a wreck I turn into when I'm stressed. And all of us would have more time to spend with each other. I know how stressful all our lives have been and I'm sure we've all missed each other, so please?” he rambles, all in a single breath. As much as whatever Wonu told was true, you don't think you can physically handle it all. It’d be too overwhelming for you, with your emotions splayed out and heart on your sleeve, waiting to be ripped off by none other than the groom. So, you chose the safest option – to arrive on the wedding day.

“I'll try my best Wonu. I can only wonder how stressful it can be for the both of you, but I also know you guys are THE powerful duo who can overcome anything. So, I’ll root for the both of you, hoping everything would turn out well and I'll see you on your big day” you say, wearing a warm smile covering the growing pain in you.

The couple radiate the warmest of energy and nod at whatever you said as it’s nothing but the absolute truth. They've always been this way, unbreakable no matter what. You used to envy that, as your college-self wanted them to low-key breakup. You and Wonwoo were THAT powerful duo before Jiyeon came through, it was only human for you to be jealous of them. Now you just feel tender looking at them, there's no jealousy, which is truly surprising.

◇

Days pass by sooner than you think and you're on your way to the destination. As weird as Wonwoo can get, the wedding’s happening in winter instead of spring or summer like the others do. He was specific about this as he met Jiyeon in winter. Little did anyone know that the both of you met in winter too. Well, it was winter in your lives as you and Wonu were both loners. It’s almost fateful for the both of you to be stuck with each other for so long.

If only this wasn’t platonic, everything would be straight out of a well-written romance fiction. (haha, unlike this one)

Your said date a.k.a Seungcheol, had picked you up from your place early in the morning to drive you. Jeonghan had planned all this, since he can stay without a date as his sister was coming along. Cheol was great company, and he didn’t need to have conversations with you, making the whole scene feel alien. You were truly grateful for that, as you didn’t really have an appetite to digest the things spewed by others at the wedding. The weather was getting a bit warm for winter, making you roll your window down, feeling the sharp yet soothing breeze while you try not to feel like your heart’s about to be grilled because of the emotions you felt. Your thoughts were interrupted by Jeonghan calling Cheol, who’s phone was connected to the speaker. You pick it before he reaches, Cheol sending a small smile to you.

“Hey Cheollie, how far away are you guys?” you hear Hannie, enquiring like the mum he is.

“Hi Han, we’re an hour away. How’s it going over there?” you ask, warmth crawling up your cheeks.

“Hi Y/N!!! I can’t wait to see you,” he pauses, the boys screaming in the background as they hear about you. “These morons won’t let me speak to you, so I'm gonna hang up now and see you both soon!” he says, seemingly pushing Soonie away as he was whining over the speaker to you about not being there sooner.

Laughing, you almost hang up before pausing to ask something.

“Oh, and Han?”

“Yeah, love?”

“How’s he? Is he alright?” you ask, curiously.

Sensing how concerned you were, Han chose to not make it harder.

“He’s alright for now, babe. He’ll be okay. I’d ask about you but it’s way too early and I want you to be wrapped in my arms for at least 20mins before I ask you anything” he says, sighing in relief.

“Hannie, I thought WE were married!” Cheol whines, as you laugh at how he’s sulking over the affection Han has for you. It’s cute, how they’ve been each other's rock for so long and yours too. You’ve genuinely missed your friends so much, your heart aches a little at the instances where you avoided them to protect your peace.

Hannie’s giggles bring you back, as he replies saying that they’re over if Cheol doesn’t get us there ASAP. Now you’re dealing with a sulky Cheol, who’s whining at how Han’s pulling tricks always, though you can’t help but just laugh at your friends’ antics.

Time flies and you’re at the wedding, a whiny Chan and Soon clinging onto you as you walk. They lead you guys to where the others are and upon the sight of you, Han’s running over to you. He jumps on to you as you topple down, Hannie having no intention of letting you go. He asks about Cheol, who insisted that he can drop the bags in your room all by himself. You guys just lay on the grass for a bit and he gets up as the weather’s still a bit cold, to drag you inside the resort. Seeing all your friends made you tear up a bit, which led to all of you shedding a few tears as you guys hug the sadness away. It’s wholesome than sad, because of how much these idiots mean to you and vice versa. The friendships you’ve built with each of them is so darn precious to you and it’s baffling how you were ready to throw this all away, just for that one man. Who was now about to be married. Pushing this aside, you search for two of your other friends who were nowhere to be found. In the garden area of the resort, you find them caressing their own drinks. Mingyu’s got champagne while Jihoon’s in love with his whiskey. They’re still the same old dorks you met; you ponder over while walking towards to them.

“Already?” you say, startling the both of them as they were lost in their own drinking shenanigans.

Mingyu is the first one to get up, lifting you up while he gulfs you into him. He’s so warm and smells like home, you’ve missed this puppy.

“I’m so glad to see you, Y/N. Do you need a drink too?” he asks, ready to order one for you. You shake your head, not wanting to show up drunk at your best friend’s wedding. The minute Mingyu lets you down, you run to hug Jihoon. You feel tears stinging your eyes, heart feeling heavier than ever. Sensing that you need your time with Jihoon, Mingyu walks away telling that he’ll see you around and to contact him if anything. You hug him goodbye before turning back to Jihoon.

Honestly, he’s the best person to let your thoughts be and to just sit with it than avoiding it like a plague. Jihoon glances at you, ordering a glass of gin with ginger ale while you were settling down. Once the drink arrives, he pushes it to your side, signalling you to have it.

“Jihoon....I can’t” you say, hesitantly but low-key really needing some alcohol in your system.

“You’ll need it for later, Y/N. Have it please?” he requests, raising his glass and waiting for you to clink them with. You give up, taking the glass and toasting it with Jihoon’s before having a sip. The way your sip lasted more than it was supposed to, seemed like you were quenching your thirst but with alcohol.

Well, fuck being sober at the love of your life’s wedding, I guess.

You hang with Jihoon for a bit more, before a cute Joshua is waltzing through the room, letting you know that it’s time to get ready for the ceremony. At this, Jihoon just nodded at you and hugged you off, saying that he’ll see you at the hall in a bit. The hug lingered for a while which was broke by Jisoo, coughing to subtly steal you away from everyone.

What was with him?

Well, he had a crush on you. Everyone else knew, except for you. Even Wonwoo knew. Shua wasn’t sure if his adoration has stayed a crush for so long, but he wasn’t ready to give up on you. Though a part of him is sad that you’re not the bride, he’s slightly happier to have a chance to woo you. (PS: everyone knew you were head over heels for Wonu, cheers to being the monarch of simp nation. JK, you were too obvious around him)

Hand wrapped around his arm, Shua leads you to your room, informing that Cheol will be over to pick you up in two hours or so. You slowly get into your dress, adoring how beautiful it looks before the makeup artist’s knocking at your door. You let them in and then sit down to get your makeup done, while you snack on carrots and stay on your phone. In no time, you’re dolled up real nice and right on time, Cheol enters. He smiles at you before engulfing you in a hug, careful not to ruin the art you are.

“You look lovely, Y/N. If I weren’t gay and married to Han, I’d walk down the aisle with you tonight.” he jokes, making you laugh.

“There we go, a smile was all that was missing” he says, taking your hands in his.

“How are you feeling, dove?” he asks, eyes scanning for any discomfort or sadness.

“I’m doing alright, Cheol. Thank you for checking up on me, always” you say, giving his hands a tight little squeeze.

“Glad that Jihoon made me have a good ol’ glass of Bombay Sapphire with ginger ale. I think I can survive the ceremony without breaking down and confessing my love to Wonu, while he’s getting married to Jiyeon” you blurt out, jokingly. There’s a moment of silence as Cheol gawks at what you said before you tell him that it was a joke and how they should get going before it gets late.

Guess you are late, as the person you love would be walking the aisle with his lover, who sadly isn’t you.

Before entering the hall, you go over to see the bride and groom. You head to Jiyeon’s room, heart hurting yet happy for her. Knocking on the door, you open it to see Jiyeon, pacing around the room in her wedding gown. She looks ethereal, and so ready to share her life with your best friend. As soon as she notices you, she runs towards you to hug, and tries to collect her breaths.

“Y/N, I can’t do this. I can’t. Can you marry Wonwoo instead?” she asks, voice laced with panic. It’s pathetic how you actually consider that for a minute. Laughing it off, you pull Jiyeon back, holding her hands in yours, eyes meeting hers while you muster up the courage to say –

“Hey Ji. You’ll be alright, okay? It’s not someone you don’t know, it’s just Wonu. Everything will be alright. Breathe for me, please?"

“Right, you’re right Y/N. It's Wonwoo, why’d I didn’t think of that? Anyways, thank you Y/N. Though you’ve always been his rock, you secretly managed to be mine too” she says, a wide smile plastered on her face.

“So, I'll see you on the aisle, yeah? All the best Ji, you’ve got this” you say, leaving before she replies. Your feelings were up your throat, waiting to be pushed out anytime if you hadn’t left the room. You do the same thing you told Jiyeon – breathe. You take a few deep breaths, fixing yourself as you head towards your best friend.

Best friend.

As you were about to knock, the door opens revealing an equally nervous yet, oh-so beautifully dressed Wonu. He’s pulling you inside, locking the door behind, not giving you time to process. You wait for him to say something, instead he just looks at you like he’s about to cry if you don’t hug him.

So, you do. You embrace him in your arms, for the last time as a bachelor and probably the last time as your love.

After staying in each other’s warmth for a while, he lets go, letting you take a good look at him.

“God damn, Wonu! You look so sharp, didn’t know you could stop being in your nerd element” you joke, winking at him. He laughs, before twirling lazily to give you a 360 of his carefully crafted tux.

“Ready, big guy?” you ask, searching for any hint of resistance in his eyes. He locks eyes with you, nodding slowly. Things have always been like this with him, words didn’t seem like a necessity. You were more than glad to not be talking more than that because honestly, you wouldn't be in one piece.

“Yeah. Yes, I’m ready Y/N. Don’t think I've ever been sure of anything, than this moment right now.” he says, lips curling into a soft smile. That smile of his was reserved, only you had seen it apart from Jiyeon, of course. You reciprocate the same, hugging him for the one last time and leaving the room with the feeling of your heart, suddenly weighing a ton.

As soon as you exit the room, you find Cheol pacing around in the hallway. At the sight of you standing outside Wonwoo’s room, Seungcheol is walking towards you.

“Hey dove, you alright?” he asks, so full of concern. You smile so much as a reply. So much that your cheeks hurt and tears slowly start to well up from within the depths of your fragile heart.

“I'm okay Seungcheol. Let's head to the hall before we're late, yeah?” you slur, trying to shake your tears off. He comprehends how sensitive you are and just nods at you, silently hooking your arm to his while the both of you walk towards to hall.

You realize, the pain you feel, is beyond anything your brain could fathom and mere words can describe how much it hurts.

The hall looks so elegant and everyone there look so beautiful, like dolls in a dollhouse. There are lots of orchids and tulips, as an ornament to the room, making it look so soft yet neat. You move towards your friends, praising how good they look in their tuxedoes and chit-chatting your way through the whole thing, trying your best not to think.

Weirdly, Joshua’s by you the whole time, stuck like gum. Not that you mind it or anything, it's actually really comfortable. Cheol had left your side to sit with Hannie and he had taken over. His subtle touches and the way he looks at you – it helps you feel so grounded and you're more than thankful for that.

Music starts playing, indicating the beginning of the ceremony as you see Wonwoo, gracefully walking down the aisle with a faint blush and a soft smile set on his gorgeous face. Your heart falters at the sight and it refuses to function further when he looks at you, sending you one of his reserved smiles. You reciprocate the same, hands slowly being taken into Jisoo’s. You're amazed at how helpful his touches have been, it's shocking.

Gazing at Wonu, everything fades out for you except for the love you have for him.

And in no time, Jiyeon’s walked in, vowing to love your best friend until the last of her breath and with everything she’s got. You can feel your heart clenching, and Joshua senses the same too, as your clammy hands squeeze his unconsciously.

The thing was, Shua didn't need words from you to understand either. He looks at you, his pretty eyes checking for any discomfort and when you smile back at him, he decides not to bother you further.

There's a sudden cheering of the crowd, making you turn your head towards the couple as you see them kissing.

Vows were said, promises were made and bonds were created.

It was too late for you to do anything. You feel the emotions rushing out of you as you excuse yourself to get away from there.

I need some air you say, to all your worried friends. So busy running away from the love of your life, you don't notice Joshua following you.

As soon as you get out, clutching your chest you slump down onto the sofa at the lobby as tears paint your face. The pain is so much that you find yourself trying hard to breathe while the emotions keep nagging at you and drowning you in the depth of the love you have for Wonwoo.

While trying to calm yourself down, you feel a hand on your shoulder, the radiating warmth grounding you for the Nth time this night. You look up thinking it's Jihoon, but it's not.

Hong Jisoo stands there, tears in his eyes but also looking so fondly at you.

As if you're a porcelain tea cup who’d break if looked at any harder.

You feel pathetic, but Joshua pulls you into a hug, letting you wet his shoulders to your heart’s content. Hearts suddenly seem to weigh a ton, the energy draining all while you try your best to catch the breath you never had in the first place.

He's gone. The love of your life is no longer yours.

Jeon Wonwoo, your best friend but also the person who mattered so much, like how the sun was to the moon.

For the coldness in him, he had found his summer. But left you to be nothing, than a petal of the harsh Winter, waiting to writhe away in utter grief.

_________________________________________

A/N: There's now an epilogue to this series, you can find it here!

[bestfriend491]

yesss!! im so excited for more okoye!!

I am too, love. And in honour of my excitement (and me being behind schedule for yet another work) here is something to keep my loves fed for the next couple of days until I'm confident enough to release the longer works.

Introducing... My Headcannons? My Drabbles? I'm not too sure right now. Who knows? All I know is that its something short.

Thank you to @jinnie10101 for the beautiful Nakia and Okoye icons. 🤍

“What's wrong?”

How Okoye, Nakia, and Ramonda would react to you being upset in some way. 

OKOYE

Okoye is whatever you need her to be at that moment. 

Need space? She’ll stay in the next room until you’re ready to talk. 

Need cuddles? She’s not leaving your side.

Granted this is mostly because she does carry a lot more guilt about her past choices when you're upset even if it's not her fault. 

It does take her a bit longer to realise that you're upset because of how busy she gets but when she notices she's quick to act.

“Sthandwa sam, I’m home!” Okoye called to you after a long day of patrolling around the Borderlands after a security breach threat- one of many in the past week. 

This time, it hadn't been a false alarm or a prank call, and the Dora needed their General to lead, which she did. And well, as a matter of fact. 

Now though, all she wanted to do was spend her night with you, doing absolutely anything. 

“Sthandwa sam?!” She called out again as she looked around for you. You weren’t anywhere out in the open, which let her know that something was off. 

Inspecting the entire house and not getting any closer to finding you, she landed herself in front of the door to your shared bedroom. 

‘Oh’. she thought to herself. You were probably asleep. It was still fairly early, but she knew that when sleep called, you never asked it what time it was. 

She let her hand gently graze the knob as she turned it, happy that it didn’t jam in place like usual this time and wake you up. As slowly as she could, Okoye walked into the room and closed the door, seeing you laying in bed, as expected. 

Strangely enough, you weren’t inside the sheets, only laying on top of them. Your back was turned away from her, and although she didn’t know it, you stared wide-eyed into the open. 

Still under the belief that you were asleep, Okoye tiptoed around the room getting her uniform off, then proceeding to take a blanket to cover you up until you awoke in a few hours.

As she stood to face you, and saw your clearly not asleep form below her, her expression dimmed down. 

“Y/n?” she asked.. 

“Hm?” was all you could make yourself say.

“My love, what’s wrong?” She caressed your cheek as she asked, going down to kiss your forehead as a form of comfort. 

You didn’t respond immediately, needing to muster up the energy to explain something that didn’t make sense. 

“Y/n, tell me what’s wrong.” 

Silence once again filled the room. Quick to access and act, Okoye realised that it was just going to be a cuddles and no talking kind of day. She got into bed, moving you to face her, and placed her arm around you, allowing you to come closer and assume your favourte spooning position. 

You stayed like that for the night. 

Ramonda

When you're upset, Ramonda knows that you prefer to keep quiet.

She usually lets you stay silent unless she’s really worried. 

You don't like being left alone without her when you’re upset, so she always accommodates that and makes sure to stay as close as possible. 

You need physical comfort when you’re having a bad day, especially when bad mental days come. 

She's quick to notice when you're upset, a shift in attitude telling her that she needs to get you alone to ask what’s wrong. 

You usually go to the river to calm down if it’s early and cuddle there.

“Y/n!” Ramonda called after you as you left the throne room after a brief meeting with the other tribe leaders. Your aura was off the entire meeting, both you and Ramonda knew that. A lazy hum had alerted Ramonda of this. 

You, knowing that Ramonda would pry for answers, tried to leave and dodge the questions early. This didn’t work at all, and you were quickly tracked down and located around the corner to your room in the palace. 

You still tried to avoid her, not wanting to have a moment like this right then. 

As soon as you closed the door on her and sat down on a chair in your bedroom, she had already reopened the door and entered. 

She approached you quickly, and knelt down in front of you. Taking your hands in hers, she looked at you, while you kept your eyes closed.

“My queen,” she said, leaning closer to you,”What’s wrong?” 

You shook your head; refusing to allow her to get her desired answers from you. 

“Y/n, my queen. I can’t let this one go. What’s wrong?” 

Tears developed in your eyes as you let out muffled sobs, holding her hands tightly. 

“I miss them, Ramonda.” you finally choked out. 

“I miss them everyday, but today I just can’t bear the pain of losing them over and over again in my head.” you spoke of the family member that you’d lost recently, struggling to cope while ruling a nation. 

You’d been trying your best to pretend that you weren’t in constant pain, but the facade could only last so long. 

“Oh- my love,” she moved in to let you hug her, and you did so gratefully. You clung to her like when you were younger, never wanting to leave her side.  

“Grief comes in life-long waves, my love. Some high waves last long, but then they crash when you least suspect it.

The only thing we can find solace in is remembering that the low waves can peacefully coexist with the high waves, only through the mutual understanding that they must each get their turn to shine through.”

You broke down completely at that, feeling relieved that at least you had her around for the harder times. 

Nakia

Nakia always wants to talk about it. She doesn’t like letting you avoid talking about your emotions.

Nakia senses energy quicker than anyone you've ever known. 

A slight shift in attitude will have her all over you.

Of course, she still likes to give you the platform to talk to her without her needing  to confront you.  

Because of this she likes to give you some time to tell her what's wrong so as to not annoy you. 

However, if you avoid the conversation for too long, she doesn’t have much of a choice. 

“Nakia, I told you that it’s nothing.” you told her reluctantly as you laid your head in your hands, sitting at the table in your home having yet another argument. 

“No, that’s the answer I keep getting from you, but it’s not the truth because everytime I see you, you look like you’re struggling.” 

She stood on the other side of the table, staring at you as you clearly lied to her for the umpteenth time.

Sighing, she tried to tone down her intense approach. 

“Look, baby. I just want you to be okay, and I can tell you’re not.”

You relented slightly, looking directly at her, and nodding in understanding. 

“I know.” you said.  

You groaned, frustrated at yourself for trying to keep secrets in your relationship when you knew that communication was something Nakia needed to feel secure. You stood up, and went to her, not hugging her, just laying your head on your shoulder. 

Though none of you embraced the other, engulfing the other in a hug, you were calmer. She dropped her head on your shoulder and the two of you swayed in that position for a while. 

After a good 30 minutes of this, she tried again, “What’s wrong.”

“I- I have depression.” you said. Nakia -although wanting to hug you- chose to stay in her position. She was finally getting something out of you, and she didn’t want to startle you. 

“I started seeing a psychiatrist for my PTSD 2 months ago and she diagnosed me last month. It’s only been getting worse lately.”

She immediately lifted her head, looking at you as you tried to hold in tears, 

“Sthandwa sam,” now she hugged you and you couldn’t hold it in anymore,”Why didn’t you want to tell me?” 

“I don't know… I was scared things would change, and you’d start treating me differently.” 

“Y/n, I’m not going to treat you like anyone except the woman that I love. Things are gonna change, but only because I need to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself,okay?”

You nodded in agreement, sniffing through your tears as you wiped them away.

“Hey,” she said after a while, ”I’m proud of you.”

Author's Note: Here's your snack before the meal, loves. I was going to add a Aneka/Ayo/Reader version but I'm tired and I know I would butcher it in my current state. Either way, hope you enjoyed.

I guess requests for more of these SHORT imagines are open

[looniecartooni]

Okay- for over a decade now, I've thought about publishing a comic book series or graphic novel, but have never found the time, energy, or resources to get one off the ground. I've also been really nervous about exposing my writing despite coming up with multiple storylines in my life. I am planning to start a Kickstarter or something for at least one of them. I know I've pitched creative projects or theories before and haven't gone through with them, but I want to at least see what of things I have developed or began development on interests' people before I start anything.

So... I am going to start a poll. Maybe I'll make one free short comic before I dedicate myself to something that requires funding.

Descriptions below:

These Hands- A first person perspective from former Diamond Cutter infiltrator and later cause of their demise- Mimic the Octopus. See from when he first joined the Diamond Cutters and follow into his fall from grace. Will his plights be sympathetic or shall he be forever scorned by himself and his actions?

A full storyboard draft has already been created for a one-shot story. If chosen, it may take between a couple weeks to over a month to release (depending on my college schedule)

Henchmen for Hire- A cowardly magician with the power of luck on her side (and her Eldrich terrain shifter best friend) are stuck in their jobs as Henches for Hire for random Elites and criminals of their world, escapading on dangerous quests through ancient caves to find mysterious power sources and ancient treasures. While life is fairly comfortable (despite them having to live in a cave themselves because how can you live in a nice place when you're stuck in such a shady business?), the past is catching up to them, and one of them has a knife. Can these two ever live without the fear of being alone and helpless when nothing but danger plagues their lives?

This series is one of the ones I am currently working on and its still very early in development. It may take a couple months, maybe even a year to complete. There are maybe 3 stories and 5 or 6 plot points planned out. But I'm having a lot of fun with it and do hope to make something off it some day.

Experimental Living- A mad geneticist and engineer finally returns home from his stay in prison and is ready to wreak havoc on the world with his new genetic experiments. However, things do not go as planned and in order to keep his cover as a "reformed" villain, he must raise them as if they were his children, which the 10-year-old and 6-year-old are more than happy with. With help from his Henchmen, constant harassment from his mystic and militant father, and suspecting eyes of heroes and citizens, will this evil villain turned single dad ever succeed in his violent plans to save the world?

I storyboarded almost the entire series and a sequel series for this for almost a full year. There are still many parts that need to be tweaked or rewritten as there are gaps and maybe some problematic elements, but this could be something that could get started sometime in the Summer. I want to be able to fund it, but I don't have the elements to do so at the moment and I'm afraid the premise is a bit too close to the idea of a Starline, Surge, and Kit AU. Though it is more loosely inspired by them with a lot more to it than that, I don't know if I might run into some copyright issues if I go through with it, no matter how loosely the characters or premise are to their inspirations.

Journey of Eclipse- The Light had fended off the Darkness for hundreds of years, constantly sealing it in a cave to protect the world from his curse. Now, a child born from the Light and conceived by the Darkness must tread on a perilous journey to save his mother from the curse that now finally firmed its grasp on her. But this story is not so black and white, and the circumstances that lead to the birth of such a child may have a much more deep-rooted tale than what has been told.

I had this idea back in High School and recently revisited it. I would imagine that it would be a rather short series or graphic novel, but may need a few months to fully get a good narrative out of it. There is a clear beginning, middle, and end, but much more needs to be fleshed out and reconfigured to tell a well thought out tale.

Angel Story- A long time ago, super soldiers known as "angels" were created to protect villages from strange dark entities referred to as "demons" or "shadows". With the dark entities seemingly vanished, the angels and their children were now declared to be the protectors against criminals and symbols of order. However, new chaos arises as these angels are seemingly vanishing, or getting corrupted by a similar energy to that of the shadows which should be impossible. Now a new crew of angels must try and stop these new monsters and the energies that are driving them.

Only one plotline of this supposed to be short series has been fully developed, but it's fun to work on and reread the storyboards for. It may take a few months give or take to fully start, but I feel it will be a fun read when worked out to its full potential.

I have quite literally cabinets full of stories that I have created since freshman year of high school and have on and off worked on quite a few. There are some others that I am currently working/reworking on such as a superhero trying to find out what happened to her superhero dad while being raised by her evil uncle. Feel free to ask for more information on any of these projects or any other projects. I've been too scared to bring them up or publish any creative projects because of being overwhelmed with school and fear of possible backlash. But I'd be happy to share anything people might want to ask about- I want to know if I could actually do this or if this is one of those dreams I've got to just put on the back burner.

I'll still create just random fan stuff for BBU and things like that. I did try to start a videogame/visual novel last year, but that never truly got really developed or much attention. I might work on other different kinds of projects in the future when I have the time, money, and energy (or stop making excuses). But for now- let me know what you guys think (very kindly) and if you'd ever wat to see an independent project created by me. If not- that's fine too, just please be nice if you think this isn't a good idea.

If no one chooses anything- that's fine too. I'd probably still do something eventually or try my shot again with other pitches. I welcome any advise for creating, publishing, self-publishing, legally making money or legally getting money to make something, ect. I'll be posting on other social medias as well. Let me know your thoughts (nicely and constructively). Thank you.

[everybodyshusband]

Lemme in that cocoon of dark/sad ghoul thoughts.... It's even better if it's sad dark regressed ghouls thoughts (in my opinion) bc those are the ones that really hurt 😭

no sad regressed ghoul thoughts unfortunately, but uhm, i do have thoughts about whatever this is... O_O

cw for eating disorders/calorie counting and obsessive counting under the cut. it's quite a lot, please do not read this if you think it will trigger you. also, a gentle reminder that i am by no means attempting to glorify or encourage eating disorders. i am not promoting aeon's behaviour nor trying to put it in a positive light.

the cocoon is basically filled with thoughts about how aeon accidentally developed an eating disorder O_O

think about it, he's new topside and so intrigued by everything !! especially numbers and counting !! like, WOAH, he can count so many things and keep track of numbers and woah, he couldn't do that in the pit, there wasn't anything to count, so this is incredibly cool !!! buuuut... as he's topside and around the abbey for longer, he's no longer quite so happy about everything anymore. slowly, other thoughts and feelings start to creep in, or at least, they begin to present themselves more entirely now he's no longer too busy being fascinated by life in the abbey.

he likes counting, he's discovered. aether buys him a watch that counts his steps and the from the first day he wears it, he's in love. he doesn't have to count his steps in his head anymore, it's a revelation !! but now he's no longer caught up with counting his steps, he starts to count other things. he starts counting the number of doors he walks through, the amount of letters in words he sees, and he especially likes creating counting patterns that he can't help but enact every time he sees something he can count.

but something he's especially intrigued by is the little nutrition information on the back of food packets; there are so many numbers and statistics he can look at and try to make sense of !! and naturally, he's drawn to a number he can keep track of: calories.

at first, it's not necessarily a bad thing. the ghouls are kind of aware of it, but he's not trying to restrict his intake in any way, so they let him be; he enjoys counting things, and as long as he isn't doing himself any harm by restricting his diet, then it's fine, right ? well. it would be, except for the fact that one fateful internet rabbit hole sends him headfirst into some extremely harmful ideologies (in his defence, he didn't think finding a community of people who also counted calories would mean they're counting to the lowest number they could eat rather than just counting for fun like he is).

he becomes obsessed, discovering the recommended daily calorie intake and flips his little notebook open to look at his counted calories within the past few weeks and... he's been at the "right" amount mostly; a couple of days here and there he's been over or under depending on illness and energy, as is fairly normal. but now he's realised that he can count to a limit, he wants to try that. it's almost like a challenge for him. a competition with himself that he eventually begins to find joy and excitement in, unaware of how harmful this newfound ideology is.

he starts by trying to stay under the limit every day for a week, always keeping track of the calories he's eaten in a little book he keeps under his mattress. once he's managed that, he sets a new goal, and then another, and another. and by the time the ghouls realise what's happening (he somehow manages to hide it from them for quite a while), he's already too deep in his obsession with counting his calories for them to ease him out of it gently, so despite how they want to help him in the kindest manner possible, they know kindness won't work. they're going to have to help him against his will and it's not going to be pretty.

...fuck that's a lot of writing O_O

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Having the Hard Conversations… ~Mentor!Soft!Jeri Hogarth xFem Plutonic!CollegeStudent!Reader

Summary— Established plutonic relationship between Jeri and Reader, the two have tea and fancy pastry cakes together every Sunday. Reader is in college, Jeri took Reader under her wing and is a kind of mentor/aunt/mother to Reader. Then Jeri was diagnosed with ALS, and now Reader does her best to take care of Jeri…

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: talk of death, talk of ALS, denial, angst, little fluff, plutonic relationship, soft relationships, comforting, caring and loving, ignorance, deflection, unhappy ending, etc.

Enjoy (:

You poured the herbal tea in the two respective tea cups for herself and for Jeri. As she did so, the older woman pulled out her fancy bag of ordered pastries. It was tradition for the two of them to have tea and cakes every Sunday at 2pm at Jeri’s classy apartment. You sat down at the dining table with a light sigh, handing the other woman her hot tea cup.

“So… How was your week…?”

“Oh it was… the usual…”

“Mmmmm… How did you spend it…? Get enough rest…?”

“Spent the better portion of it cleaning and meal prepping, when I wasn’t working that is... What about you, sweetheart?”

You smiled. You always appreciated her little pet names, but that’s not what you had meant. You wanted to know how Jeri was feeling, how she was doing healthwise. Jeri had recently been under the weather, more than was expected. But you would never outright call the older woman out for evading your question like that. Jeri took a sip of her tea, her eyes and nose crinkling lightly as she gave you a tight and slightly warm smile, a smile that was only reserved to those closest to the ruthless lawyer.

“That is good to hear. I’m alright…”

“Busy with college I’d imagine, you busy bee…!”

You smiled lightly, sipping her hot tea a little.

“Mmmmmm busy busy… But really, you’re doing well…? Not overworking yourself? You’ve got your birthday coming up…”

“Yes, next weekend… And I am just thriving…!” Jeri exclaimed with a sarcastic smile.

“That’s good.” You chuckled dryly.

You eyed Jeri, then took a sip of your tea and a small bite of a cake. The lengthened gaze spoke volumes, the said unsaid. So much so that Jeri sighed, finally getting to the topic which you had been prompting the older woman to discuss.

“Wel…l I had my three month check in with the doctor this past Monday…”

You sat up fully at these words, putting your tea cup down on the lavish, stone table. Your eyes and ears were wide open.

“And…?”

“He said… I’m doing well considering…”

Yeah, you’re alive, obviously… you thought but chose not to say.

“but he didn’t say anything timewise…”

“He didn’t say anything…?” You breathed out slowly, trying to remain calm and gentle in your expression and tone, as the lump in your throat and the pit in your stomach grew.

“Yea, I didn’t want to hear it. All that negative energy and stuff… Oh and we got the results of the bloodwork and the scans… He said that it spread… to a couple places, I won’t bore you with the details…” the older woman rambled, while waving off the last as if it were nothing.

Silence took the room for a beat. Jeri couldn’t meet your gaze. Suddenly the deep purple walls of her apartment and the intricate designs on her tea cup looked particularly fascinating to the older woman. It had been two years since Jeri had been disgnosed… Honestly, it was a miracle that the older woman was alive at all, let alone sitting with you in her lavish and expansive apartment, having tea and cakes. You drew a breath, trying to stuff down the nausea and unease, and asked the dreaded question,

“But he didn’t tell you how long you have…?”

“Well no… But he did say that I’d have bloodwork and more x-rays soon…!”Jeri chirped, glossing over her answer as her face swiftly and lightly brightened at the positive note.

You couldn’t stop the sigh which erupted from her chest, but she did stop and formulate her next words carefully.

“That’s good… It’s nice to have a plan forward. More bloodwork and x-rays sound good. What are the x-rays supposed to help see exactly…? Did your doctor mention when you’ll have your next scan…?”

“Yea! So I get bloodwork done in another two weeks, and then the x-rays in a month… The blood results should show how the new treatment that he’s gonna put me on is gonna work… and the x-rays…” Jeri took a pause, “the x-rays are kinda useless… but he said that they will determine whether I get any future scans.”

You couldn’t understand how Jeri was saying all of this with such a positive disposition. The older woman was not a naturally positive person… This new disposition felt forced, and that broke your heart. Jeri was just babbling along about her impending death, giggling and eating cakes as if she was planning a party. You fidgeted with her tea cup, taking an anxious sip.

“I see… and he mentioned a new treatment plan…? That makes sense, if the chemo didn’t do enough to stop it, exploring new avenues and treatments could be fruitful…” You breathed out, not even bothering to attempt to touch upon the absurdity of the x-rays being useless yet also determining any future scans.

You took a sip of her tea, nodding with a hum in response. A shaky sigh slipped past your lips as you were having to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes.

“Mhmmmm yes. He said that he’s going to take me off of chemo and on this new, experimental gene treatment therapy”

You visibly cringed a little too much for your liking at the sound of new and experimental.

“Well I am glad to hear that you are putting such a positive spin on this. I think that’s very mature of you, and I support you no matter what.” You partially lied through her teeth, except for the last statement, That was a fundamental truth.

Jeri smiled, her eyes twinkling in the afternoon sun with a shimmer of vulnerability, and reached out to lovingly squeeze your shoulder.

“And this is why I told you. Everyone else whom I attempt to talk to about this… All they do is freak out… or they get all emotional on me or they cry…or all of the above…” Jeri breathed out, her loving gaze meeting your faltering one.

You bit her tongue and merely nodded lightly.

“Of course…” you said through gritted teeth.

Jeri really appreciated how you were always so supportive, while remaining reserved and neutral. She didn’t have the energy for those who constantly reminded her of the sadness and of her impending death. Hell, she reminded herself of that enough already.

~~~

Jeri Hogarth Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

[spacecadet-ticklesinspace]

You Make Me Smile

Summary: Peter 1's been struggling so Peter 3 offers to help ❤️

CW: Mentions of depression/depressive episodes

(Sorry I haven't posted much writing in a while ❤️ My life has been crazy busy and I just haven't had the time or energy to do so ❤️ I'm back, I'm working on some prompts that I'll be able to post soon, and I just want you to know how appreciated you all are :) Hope you all enjoy and remember to take care of yourselves no matter how small the task may seem ❤️)

Peter 3 peeked into One's room. For the last couple weeks, One hadn't been himself. He had been super quiet and withdrawn, there were big circles under his eyes, and he didn't seem to be taking proper care of himself.

It was as if all the energy had been removed from his body and left nothing but a silent husk of a person in it's place.

Both Peter 2 and 3 were trying to help, but nothing they tried seemed to do any good.

Today, the youngest had been particularly quiet. "Uno? You okay?"

The youngest Peter did not reply.

The middle Peter pushed the door open more. "Could I come in?"

There was still no reply, but he also wasn't turned away this time.

Peter 3 stepped up to the bed. Currently, One was buried under a blanket with only a few tufts of hair peeking out.

"Hey Bug." The middle Peter sat on the edge of the bed. "Having another rough day?"

A face peeked out from the depth of the blanket and gave a quick nod.

"You've had a crazy past couple weeks." Three squeezed roughly were One's arm was. "Your mind being tough on you again?"

Another tiny nod.

"I've been there before and I know it can be tough. Is there anything I can do to help?"

For a moment, things were quiet.

Then a hand slid out to grab onto Three's.

The older Peter smiled. "Want me to hold you?"

Peter 1 moved to sit up still keeping one hand on Three's.

The tallest Peter cooed as he scooped his baby brother into his lap. "C'mere."

Once in his older brother's lap, Peter 1 curled into a ball.

Three rubbed circles into the youngest's back. "There we go. A good cuddle."

While Three kept up his circles, the youngest wrapped his arms around his brother and buried his face into his chest.

"I'm here if you need me Bug."

One hummed in contentment.

The older Peter lifted the hood of his baby brother's jammies over his head. "Simba."

In response, Peter 1 hid his face more into Three's chest.

"Whahat's wrong Bugaboo?" The older brother traced the youngest's ear with his finger.

One turtled into his shoulders.

"Uh-oh. You're not ticklish are you?"

No verbal response. Just the eyes on One's hood staring back at Peter 3.

Three moved his hand down to run his fingers over Peter 1's back. "Ihim getting the goofiest lohooks from yohou Sihimba."

One turtled even further into his shoulders.

"Ooo. I think Ihi hahave a ticklish lion cub ohon my hands."

Peter 1 tightened his hold as his shoulders began to shake a little.

"You're tryhying soho hard to keep your face hiddehen." Peter 3 leaned closer. "But I can stihill feel yohou bluhushing."

No response.

"Oh? Did it just darken?"

The youngest shook his head.

"Then why don't you show mehe." The older brother dragged his nails across One's shoulder blades.

A muffled squeal came from the youngest's mouth as he tried to arch his back away from those fingers.

Meanwhile, Peter 3 reached behind him to try to loosen One's grip. "Come out, come out wherever you are!"

"No!"

Three paused his movements. "No?"

A head shake. "Noho!"

"You don't want me to see your blushy face?"

"Noooo."

"Is thahat all yohou can sahay?" Three's fingers continued their attack on One's shoulder blades. "No, no, noho?"

"Eee! No!"

The same hand snuck down to lightly pinch One's sides. "Really? Is it just too tickly?"

"N-n-noho."

"Oh?" Peter 3 moved the pinches to the other side. "What about over here?"

A squeal followed by a head shake was the answer this time.

"Is one side more ticklish than the other?" Peter 3 lightly pinched between both sides.

One squirmed a little too much and revealed his face.

"Ihi knew you were blushyhy." Three tapped the youngest's nose. "Youw were juwst being stubbowrn."

One shook his head.

"Now you're lying toho mehe?" Three returned to dragging his fingernail on one of One's ear. "What's gotten into you giggle Bug?"

The youngest curled up on his side. A continous stream of giggles filled the silence in the room and the happiness on his face replaced the dead stare that had been there.

It filled Three's heart feel all warm and fuzzy to see the look. He knew the brain could be a pain in the butt and having a chance to be goofy and childish helped make things a little easier to tolerate. "You're such a cute little Giggle Bug. Soho itty-bitty tiny."

Suddenly, Peter 1 shot up and wrapped his arms around Peter 3's neck.

The sudden movement caused the older Peter to fall backwards onto the bed. "Wow! What ahare you dohoing?"

Peter 1 nuzzled his face into Three's neck, catching the older brother by surprise.

"Ah! Hehey!"

The mischievous giggles coming from the youngest made the whole interaction even more adorable. And that little grin made him even more precious.

Peter 3 let One have a few more moments being the tickle monster before he retaliated.

The older brother pinched along his baby brother's sides. "I got you!"

With a squeal, the youngest Peter tried to lean away, but an arm prevented him from going very far.

"Where do you think you're going hm?" Peter 3 lightly scribbled across his baby brother's tummy. "Does the little baby not like his tickles?"

Peter 1 shook his head.

"Awww, does he love them?"

"Nohoho!"

"What? Is the tickle monster not doing it right?"

"Noho!"

Three pulled the youngest closer. "Let's fix that."

A loud squeal left the youngest's mouth as his older brother's face nuzzled into his neck. The whiskery feeling from his unshaven face made things even more ticklish.

Not knowing what to do with his hands, One grabbed onto Three's hair.

"Ah!" Peter 3 grabbed One's hand. "Careful Bug."

The youngest Peter let go. "Sorry."

"Hehey, it got you to say something other thahan noho."

One stuck his tongue out at his brother.

Three growled as he leaned closer. "Are you being a sassy bean?"

A brief pause.

"No!"

The older brother tried to bite back his smile, but it was hard when he had such a cute face in front of him. "You know whahat I do to sassy beans?"

One shook his head.

"You don't?"

"No!"

"Wehell then." Three rested his forehead on his baby brother's. "Why don't Ihi show you?"

Before Peter 1 could respond, Three started peppering kisses into his face and neck. In addition, he made sure to rub every inch of his facial hair over the area to make it tickle even more.

Once Peter 1 was a blushy giggle mess, Three finally paused his tickles. He grinned at the sight of his bubbly baby brother. "Aww, whose the most pwecious wittwe baby?"

"N . . . Noho?"

"Are you ahasking me ohor telling mehe?"

In response, One pulled his hood over his eyes.

Three gasped. "Oh no! Where did he go!"

One's giggles picked back up.

"He just disappeared!" Three grabbed the edge of his hood. "Where could he have gone!"

The youngest squeezed his lips to try to muffle his giggles.

Three smirked as he pulled back the hood. "Peekaboo!"

One squeaked and hid his mouth behind his hands.

"Yohou claim you're nohot aha baby and yehet this is yohour favorite game."

"No!"

The older brother's smirk grew at the pinkish hue on his baby brother's cheeks. "Oho really?"

Both brothers were locked in a staring contest.

Without breaking eye contact, One slowly reached up his hand, grabbed his hood, and yanked it over his eyes again.

Three reached foward and quickly pulled it back again. "Peekaboo!"

Another squeal and bout of giggles followed.

"Sehee? Absolutely aha baby."

"Yohou're mehehean!"

"Awww." The older Peter kissed his brother's nose. "Are you mad cause Ihi stohopped?"

The youngest Peter hid his face in his hands.

However, that did not deter Three from pulling them back again. "Peekaboo!"

A third squeal and giggle bout betrayed the youngest.

"Yohou know whahat other things babies usuallyhy love?"

". . . Cuddles?"

Peter 3 scooped his baby brother back up into his arms. "Cuddles indeheed."

Peter 1 wrapped his arms around his brother's neck before resting his face in the crook of his neck.

"Hey Bubba?" Three rubbed his brother's back. "I know you've been going through a rough couple weeks, but when was the last time you ate something?"

One furrowed his eye brows together. He began counting on his fingers before his face flushed again.

"I know it's been tough, but you can't forget your health like that."

"I . . . I. . ."

Three stroked One's hair. "I'm not mad at you, I'm not yelling at you. I've been where you are, I've done the same thing. But I know it's not good for your body when you do something like that.

One gave a small nod as a response.

Peter 3 stood with his younger brother in his arms. "You don't need to eat anything big, but you do need to eat something."

"I know."

After a quick adjustment, Three kissed One's forehead so he could sniff his hair. He chose not to comment since he knew the last couple weeks had been rough on the youngest.

Instead, he focused on the important thing as he gave his baby brother's tummy a gentle poke. "Let's get some food in your tummy."

One giggled as he pushed on his brother's hand. "Ohokay."

"Now, what do you think you can eat?"

After a brief pause, One looked up at his brother. "Banana?"

"Why are you asking me Pete? It's your tummy."

The youngest Peter nodded. "Okay. Banana."

"Can we add anything else to it or just banana right now?"

"Yogurt?"

"We have them if you think you can eat one."

"Yes please."

Three nodded. "We can do that."

In response, One genuinely smiled.

"Want me to carry you?"

"Please?"

Three grinned back. "Okay."

With One in his arms, the older Peter headed downstairs. He knew the situation wasn't completely remedied, but it was on the right track to getting better.

They would start with a meal and move on from there.

[pretttydemonwrites]

Weeks 8 & 9 Update

Okay, so it's...been a busy/rough/complicated couple of weeks! But I haven't forgotten about this, and I'm still dedicated to it despite how many days I've missed. Instead of doing the daily word count though I'm gonna condense a little bit, just so this isn't such a long post.

WEEK EIGHT:

Writing Days - 3/7

Total Words Written - 729

WEEK NINE:

Writing Days - 2/7

Total Words Written - 414

Technically, if you average it out, I still had an average of at least 50 words a day for both of these weeks. And I'm nothing if not a lover of technicalities.

I had a lot going on the past couple of weeks so I haven't really had the energy, the time, or even the inspiration to work on much. That being said, I have a few new projects in the works on top of continuing to revise the one piece that I've spent a lot of this blog's lifespan working on.

Writing feels...lonely, sometimes. I think that I'm so afraid of criticism that I'm reluctant to share my work, but even when I do share my work I'm not guaranteed feedback and that's almost worse. What do I do if nobody says anything about the stuff I send them? I automatically assume it's trash and I should give up writing forever. Obviously.

I hate that my thoughts always jump to the worst possible outcome for this type of thing. I'm working on it though. In the meantime, I'm going to continue writing because god at least it's something other than mindlessly scrolling on my phone. And it makes me feel good.

Anyone reading these updates still, I love you as always and thanks for your support, however silent or vocal it may be.

[pumkinbones]

Personal garbage I need to get out under the cut.

Been very emotionally tired of late. It's been draining all my batteries and I'm desperately trying to charge them. Keep my mind busy yanno? Getting back into drawing has helped tremendously! Seriously it's been years since I produced so much and it's amazing. (Crazy what reduced stress and more happiness will do for a person, huh?) But I'm afraid I'm gonna burn myself out because I've piled projects onto myself. Ones I am SUPER excited for but afraid my desire to keep drawing daily to distract myself might have a negative effect.

Now since I no longer have to worry about two other people, I am now focusing on other things to worry about even though things are definitely fine. Like the art burnout or what other people think of me. Past couple of weeks have been me afraid that my friends are only putting up with me out of pity. That I really am a horrible person. I don't deserve happiness. How dare I bother people when I'm lonely because I'm not worth other people spending their energy on me. I am annoying others and I should just shut up. I have to remind myself that it isn't true. Easier said than done...

What's complicating matters is there is this lady at work who is so nice and kind. We share similar backgrounds. She's helped keep me company, and talked me through stuff when I was having my meltdown in June. She's already told me she likes me, and I really don't know how to process that. Besides I don't think I'm ready for an in person relationship so soon. Especially when there is already someone else on my mind.

I've had this... for lack of a better term, crush on this other person for years at this point. I know nothing will probably come of it because of many reasons. But focusing my attention on them, seeing them happy, it makes me happy as well. It's all I want right now. I don't wanna make things weird or ruin anything. Their friendship means so much to me.

While dealing with this I've been having nightmares. Nonstop dreams that the girls are trying to get back into my life. Hell one scared me and flipped me out of the bed because I "woke up" and both of them were beside me in bed. I freaked out and pushed them away, but then I actually woke up when I hit the floor. Seems like l shoved the mattress hard and the springs bounced me the rest of the way. Others are just them barging into the house unannounced or trying to aggressively confront me in public. This right here is what's been sucking the soul out of me. If this would stop I would at least be able to keep my energy at a half a tank...

Soon hopefully my brain will calm down. Getting this out has already helped. Though I know it's still a rocky road ahead. Healing is hard, anxiety sucks, but if it weren't for all the other kind people in my life I don't know where I'd be. I love all of them. Especially the cursed ass ones. <3

[flockofdoves]

today was really really bad. was in the middle of cleaning my roommates cat shit off the floor today in preparation for our landlords inspection tomorrow that my roommate never responded about helping out with when my roommate got home from work. and of course she did her usual thing of trying to ignore me and running upstairs but i repeated her name a couple more times til she was forced to acknowledge i was there and when i said 'hey can we please talk for a little bit' she said 'haha no thats okay thanks though!' with a weird mocking tone while not looking in my direction continuing to walk up the stairs

and i started fucking panicking i walked outside for a bit with my gf and couldnt stop myself sobbing and hyperventilating and shaking once we were back inside which my roommate obviously could hear.

and i just didn't have the energy to clean up her mess anymore when i was so emotional right then and kept coming back to wanting to Really Well express my feelings even though i knew it wouldn't amount in anything and she never responds to texts anyway unless she stands to benefit from it

but just so i wouldn't push down and stop feeling my emotions and so i could let out my energy in an effective way i spent the last 2 and a half hours writing this all out

and of course when i went to text it it wouldn't deliver so i'm sure she blocked my number in preparation after that lol. but i also emailed so like whatever

katie —

i acknowledge that texting or emailing a giant wall of text is not really an ideal form of communication. there are some things i have hoped to express for a while, and i don’t want to pile it all on, so i hope despite the format i can do an okay job at expressing my hopes and needs without making this overwhelming to read or anything.

today jacqueline and i spent the whole day cleaning downstairs. as me and jacqueline are hoping to renew our lease here, i have been scared that if the apartment isn’t clean enough for the inspection that was going to be tomorrow (as of an hour ago moved to saturday instead) that we would have no housing in a month from now.

i feel drained in our current living situation. it is upsetting to smell months old moldy dishes in the sink every day, or to find the source of the fly problem in an old fermented cup of coffee full of larvae. but i get that you probably feel similarly, and it wouldn’t be productive to tie up my emotions surrounding that into blame, and i hope i can word things here in a way that makes it clear that i am writing to express my needs and where i am at, and not to simply leave you to handle my emotions or anything.

i have had times of my life where keeping things clean and sanitary has been hard, and even if i don’t know your specific situation, i empathize with that struggle a lot. i know that (beyond of course combatting structural issues in society and health issues that can often contribute to that sort of struggle) the way out of that struggle is in support and help from the people around oneself. we may not know each other that well, but i would like to be able to help in some form.

it isn’t sustainable for me though for the form that that help takes to be for me and jacqueline to deep clean everything every few months once it gets really bad again. i have a physical disability that causes me chronic flare ups of extreme joint and muscle pain. i have been in the middle of a flare up during this week leading up to the inspection, making cleaning a very slow and draining process for me. i’m sure that between being busy with work and any other situations i am not aware of that you clearly have a lot on your plate as well that is making doing stuff like cleaning a struggle too.

obviously there is no ideal solution to stuff like that when all parties involved are struggling and there aren’t enough external resources, but i believe from past experiences that the best thing that can be done to improve the situation as much as possible for all involved is for people to work collaboratively, communicating openly about what they might need help with, lessening the strain on them when the other person is able to do more, reciprocating the same when they can, and finding a compromise to push themselves a little and equitably share the strain when things are hard for both people but stuff still needs to get done.

even if i, for example, do not feel like i am at a point in my life where i have the time and resources to consistently take care of a cat and didn’t expect to have to worry about that responsibility, i would be much happier if you communicated stuff like for example, ‘hey would you be able to scoop her litterbox this week, things are really busy right now and i’m struggling with doing it myself’ as opposed to the current situation where it technically isn’t my responsibility, but it still needs to get done and i’m not sure if it will happen. i want to help you and kitty, and having stuff like that explicitly communicated would make things a lot easier for me.

i get that it is hard to communicate, especially when you’re in a bad situation, and i know i have been awkward in my communication as well, but no matter how hard it is i think it is still crucial for fostering a healthy environment where none of us feel too burnt out.

the same applies to a lot of other situations. if you are struggling with having the resources needed to get enough food for whatever reason, i want to be able to help you out, and if you ask i’d be happy to give you any food you want, no further questions asked. i also love to cook and share meals with people. but i feel upset when i allow myself in my budget one snack to look forward to, only to see it gone with no notice, or when my mom bought me a snack box when i was going through a hard time, only to find it empty out on the deck. what is important to me in these types of situation is the communication, i would be happy to share stuff if you asked.

i would really like if we could be more communicative with each other in our last month living together. while i totally respect if you wouldn’t want to, and its not at all in my expectations for what our household dynamic should be, i also would be happy to maybe even have movie nights and stuff like we talked about when we first moved in together. while there’s other small things that have built up that would be nice if they were resolved but i totally respect if they can’t be (ex. if by any chance you didn’t throw out me and jacqueline’s dishes that were on the deck i would love to have them back so i can wash them and use them again, or if you have the money to, our electric bills every month have been over the $70 you pay for electricity and its been a bit tight for me and jacqueline to pay your remaining portion of electricity after subtracting for the wifi if you can afford to compensate us) but the only thing i really want out of this last month is for us all to be able to equitably share the work of keeping the house sanitary and the cat healthy, and for there to be communication whenever you might need extra help, and then i would be happy to do it. please of course let me know anything i can improve on as a roommate too, i want you to have a good environment to live in too.

i know every sentiment i wrote out here jacqueline also shares too.

thank you for reading, chiara

[alyjojo]

The Person On Your Mind in April 🐓 2023 - Aquarius

Whole of their energy towards Aquarius: 7 Cups

This person has had some level of obsession over you. They see you as someone that’s had a lot of options since you’ve disconnected, and that’s being said with The Lovers rev, could be an ex, could just be someone you were close with that you’ve disconnected from. They both….respect and fear you? You confuse them. They really don’t know how to act, or how to gauge you at all, and it makes them feel uncomfortable.

Feelings: 6 Cups

You were close in the past in some way, or that’s just how they knew you. There’s a situation here where you were really into someone you found attractive, you chased that person (or they chased you), could be an Aries. They thought that was very immature, either you or that other person. Or they are them. If one of you liked the other one, it was in a lusty sort of way and they feel like that was dumb kid stuff, maybe it messed up your friendship or something like that. Or how things went awry may be what’s dumb kid stuff. They’re very nostalgic about you.

Intentions: The Fool rev

They want to come back around and clear the air, have closure, hash out demons with this Devil card…but by the same token they feel that’s stupid, or reckless. Not because of you but because of them. This Devil was upright at some point, you could have been an obsession of theirs. And though they want to see you, talk to you, it’s like it’s better for them if they don’t. They don’t want to dig that back up and end up with the same story, having to heal from you, or let you go, or go through anything like they’ve gone through before with you.

Actions: 6 Wands

The victory in their actions is staying away from you. Not working together, but giving up. It’s a challenge for them, one they’re overcoming. 2 Swords shows they don’t know what’s right, or what the right way to approach you is, what they would even say probably, so staying away is the safer option. This could’ve been an unrequited love thing, that’s the biggest vibe here. Even your messages are kinda detached, that’s an Aquarius for you. This person is kinda internally tortured over you, I guess you can take that as a complement? I’m not getting that you’re even aware. They’re on your mind too, for this to come out, so be careful if you’re deciding to come forward to them, they may act really uncomfortable about it. If they ghost you, you can be sure they read it. Like 10,000 times.

Messages:

Their side:

- You fascinate me.

- Curious about you 🧐

Your side:

- 100% Fair

- Don’t underestimate my potential.

Possible signs:

Scorpio, Capricorn, Aries & Aquarius

If you’re dealing with:

6 Cups again, what is with the past? I’m not getting a super mushy vibe from you, nor anything that shows a “homecoming” kind of message. Idk, Mercury is retrograde for the first couple of weeks in May, and for you, the past is popping back up, you’re feeling nostalgic, possibly meeting up with old friends or contacts, reminiscing about it in some way.

Aries - has deep feelings for you they don’t share and there is no communication at all, could be them

Taurus - in love with you, a soulmate, a spouse, someone you’re going all the way with

Gemini - holding back, weighing their options, clarification shows they could be a friend that likes you as more, but not like…seriously

Cancer - coming back to you because you are their 10 Cups, could be any kind of connection, but they genuinely love you

Leo - a teammate, cooperating with you to work out any unfinished business you have

Virgo - feels triggered by your happiness & success, or like they have to compete with you

Libra - indecisive about their money, career, person, unsure of what to do, could be family, they’re focused on their own thing right now

Scorpio - coming at you quickly with some negativity that’s going to weigh you down, how they say things or communicate with you makes you cringe, or whatever this news is could

Sagittarius - happily leaving something behind, clarification shows this may involve a job

Capricorn - apologizing for leaving you hanging, not caring, acting bored, or not making a decision… or you are

Aquarius - resistant to new ideas, paths, goals, if there’s a decision between a new brown chair and a new blue chair, it’s neither, they want to keep the chair that hurts their back okay now go away with these “new” or “updated” ideas 😆

Pisces - things are looking really good for them, something fortunate is happening with their job & finances

[1d1195]

Bestie of course it was worth the wait!! And you know all of us would LOVE to see them run into Lauren🤭and I love the DRAMA that you bring!! I eat it up every time!!

It sucks sometimes being on a quarter system bc my friends who are on a semester system come back home when im still at school and leave while im still on break😔 THE TIMING/PLANNING SUCK! anyways lol commuting was an easy option for me solely because of money and i know that if i had any little inconvenienceI would want to go back home since it’s about a half hour drive without traffic lol and such a slay on getting scholarships!!!

WDYM YOU HAVE ONE FULL WEEK LEFT?!? This is so tragic 😭 sure you do get a big break but I’m sure there’s a lot of prep that goes into starting a new year and like people forget that summer school is a thing and you need teachers for that! I totally get how it may feel like it wasn’t enough so it’s okay! And yeah meeting up with people who typically don’t put enough interest kinda sucks and I don’t blame you for not wanting to make time. That doesn’t make you a bad person/friend! You got to put your time/energy into things that you enjoy! Plus life gets busy so anyone will understand!

Side note what’s been your top pick in your latest smut/romance book binge?!

You did write a lovely ending for the Zipper couple! Obviously I would love to read anything you come up with BUT if you the creator don’t feel particularly inclined or inspired that’s fine! If you feel like their story is finished pretty well, then that’s a good thing!

Thank you for constantly being so kind and encouraging 😭💗 I���m kinda struggling a bit for motivation so your words are so sweet! The weekend was uneventful, nothing crazy! Hope yours was relaxing! Sending lots of love!-💜

I'm sure I can scrounge something up eventually for her to run into Lauren🤭

I can't IMAGINE. That seems so weird that the quarters don't line up with a semester schedule! It stinks you can't see your friends either. I would do anything to save $1 so you don't have to explain the commuting to me.

I have admittedly done very little prep and I feel SO guilty about it :( Every time I go to prep I'm like "nope. I want to write about Harry" so it's like, I'm not getting paid to prep nor write so I may as well do the thing I actually want to.

Ma'am I don't know where to begin. My TikTok page is all book snippets and I've been on a huge enemies to lovers kick. It's this intertwined series--it's sports themed. The first one was hockey Mile High (the girl works on his travel plane as a flight attendance and he's obsessed with her because she doesn't give a shit who he is. But he's a celebrity manwhore and doesn't do relationships of course and he bothers her the entire flight) and the one I'm currently reading is about basketball The Right Move (the flight attendant from the hockey book is his twin sister. She convinces him to let her friend move in with him after a bad break up. They have to fake date for his squeaky clean reputation and he enjoys it WAY more than he should hehehehe) they're 10/10 and so lovely. Exactly what I want to read.

I think you're right about Zipper but I do LOVE them and miss them 😭 But it's kinda like how I feel about TV shows that continue past their prime. I don't think I want to extend it beyond what they need.

My weekend was very relaxing! I didn't do a whole lot but that's okay. I feel like I've got a packed week this week unfortunately but I'm really excited about my new post for today. I hope it pans out the way I want 🤭 Any time you need encouragement you just let me know! I'm rooting for you! 💕

xoxo

[decks-writing-blog]

As a Guest

Summary: Papyrus invites Burgerpants to attend his smaller Christmas gathering.

Also, this is an Underfell fic.

~

Even earlier than last year, the Christmas decorations started going up. With them came the Christmas tunes that had just about bore a hole in Burgerpants’ brain last year. It was all way too early for all of it. If he had it his way, it could all wait until a week before Christmas. Though in general if he had it his way, he’d get paid better, treated more respectively and given more time off. All of which was about as likely as Mettaton deciding not to milk the holiday for as much money as he could for as long as he could.

And so Burgerpants plastered on an even bigger fake smile and wished human and monster customers alike a “Happy Holidays,” when they came to his little burger joint in the middle of Mettaton’s Mall. Why it was “Happy Holidays” when the only holiday seemingly anyone openly celebrated or decorated for was Christmas was another one of those weird human things he probably would’ve care more about if he had the energy to be curious.

With the decorations and music came an increase in shoppers and thus an increase in folk who stopped by the Burger Emporium. It would get worse as Christmas approached but for now it was only a mild increase in annoyance. In preparation for it getting worse though, Burgerpants slacked off as much as he could get away with, which he actually did year round but now, he did it a little extra. Which included the occasional unsanctioned adventure to the rear ally to smoke a cigarette as slowly as he could get away with, which was actually quite fast.

Upon returning from one such adventure he was almost not surprised to find Papyrus waiting for him in the store. Despite how much of an ass he’d made of himself before exiting their first meeting, upon their next happenstance run in with each other, Papyrus hadn’t hated him. Such meetings happened a couple more times before they started happening on purpose.

Somehow they were friends now, sort of anyway. Papyrus was using him as a means to keep a distant but inside eye on what Mettaton was up to. It was an open secret that neither of them discussed, which was just fine. Burgerpants had no loyalty to his boss and would gladly share anything he knew of him to almost anyone who wanted to know. Also, it was good to be on decent terms with someone higher up. It might even eventually lead to Burgerpants being able to quit his job. Unlikely but he could hope, right?

“Hey,” Burgerpants said as he went past him to make his way back behind the counter. “You here to do some Christmas shopping?”

Papyrus sighed. “It is expected of me so, yes. You have any suggestions for gift ideas?”

“Not really but I can tell you not to get anything from any of the stores around here. It’s all overpriced garbage.” Apparently this was the only all monster run shopping center still in business. Making it a novelty and thus Mettaton got away with increasing the prices on everything. Shocking no one ever, wages didn’t go up with that price increase. “Don’t get anyone anything Christmas themed either. No one wants to use anything like that in the middle of summer.”

“Noted.” He was silent for a few seconds while Burgerpants pretended to clean the counter – just wiping it down with a rag that was visibly clean, so wiping away whatever dust might’ve fallen while he’d been away but not much else. “Also, to get out of attending Mettaton’s party this year, I will be holding my own much smaller gathering. Assuming you are free and would like to, you are welcome to join.”

Burgerpants paused to look at him. His face was just as unreadable as ever. “As a waiter, cook, or both?” Likely Burgerpants was slotted to work Mettaton’s party this year too. But with Papyrus being second in command of the Royal Guard, Mettaton might let him off to work for him for the night instead. It’d still be work and a smaller party would make slacking off without being noticed harder but the job itself would likely be easier.

“As a guest.”

Oh. When was the last time Burgerpants had been invited to a party as a guest? … Surely it had to have happened at least once when he was younger. If so he couldn’t recall it. It had to be too good to be true, there had to be a catch, meaning he should decline. But the Surface was still too good to be true too and yet here they were. So maybe this invitation was legit, especially since there wasn’t much to be gained by such a lie.

“Uh… sure. Sounds fun. You think you could tell Mettaton you’re hiring me as a waiter so he’ll let me off?” There’s no way he was going to be let off just to have fun. Mettaton wouldn’t be happy but couldn’t say anything if the second in command of the Royal Guard wanted him.

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“Cool. Thanks.” Turns out having friends in high places was useful. Who could’ve ever guessed? Burgerpants would have to continue to pursue this allyship for however long Papyrus allowed.

[ganggangscenarios]

No Such Thing | Ch 2

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: After a messy breakup and an even messier night out , you find an unlikely friend in your coworker’s ex boyfriend. A messy beginning and an even messier middle, who knows about the end.

Genre: Romance, comedy, smut

Warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it up~)

Writer's note: The response to the first chapter was better than I expected, so here is the second one. Please let me know your thoughts~~

01 | 02| 03| 04| 05| 06 |07| 08 |09

Drabbles:

I can & I will

Disconnect

Neighbours know my name

You are woken up to the sound of your doorbell, you grumble as force yourself up. Swinging your legs round and placing your feet on the floor. It took all of your energy to standup. Slowly but surely, you head to the door. You don’t even stop to Look at the intercom. You yank open the door and your eyes land on your neighbour and close friend.

“You’re alive!” She exclaims, stepping into your apartment, clutching two coffees in her hands.

“Barely.” You grumble.

You got back late last night. It was game night and Jungkook is very competitive, he wouldn’t stop until he won. You weren’t even playing anything too crazy. Just a basic game of Monopoly, that you didn’t pay much attention to.  You were too distracted by the snacks and the ultimate snack, Jungkook. He looked like such a boyfriend. Hair freshly washed, in a sweater and sweatpants. Soft smiles and giggles. Biting at his lip piercing when he was focused. You had only been hanging out for the past couple of weeks. Mostly initiated by him, he would finish work and hit you up. In the past few weeks, you had made candles, baked together, went on late night walks. 

Sarah hands you a much needed coffee and you moan as the dark roast hits your tongue. Years of working had cursed with an addiction to caffeine that you don’t see yourself kicking anytime soon.

“Where have you been girl? I haven’t seen you in weeks! You’re also never home, your mail has been building up in that mailbox.” She sets herself down on the couch.

You perch next to her.

“I’ve just been hanging out with Jungkook. Keeping myself busy.” You try and make a throw away comment, but you knew Sarah. She was never going to let it go.

She smiles a mischievous smile.

“Jungkook, huh? Spending a lot late nights?” She sips her coffee, eyebrows raised.

He was truly just a friend, a good friend. A handsome, charming, kind friend. You enjoyed spending time with him, well, while you could. You knew it was only a matter of time before he got back together with Hyejin. He had confided in you, he told you that he was unsure of how he was feeling. They were together for almost 2 years and had a lot of good memories. But the relationship just fizzled out, Hyejin was probably prompted to try again by seeing you in Jungkook’s clothes that fateful Saturday morning. As a good ‘friend’, you advise him to do what feels best. You had to tell yourself to get over whatever little crush you had on him. It was most likely because he was handsome and nice to you. That’s how you got involved with Mark, he was nice to you and you found him attractive. 

“Yeah, we’ve been hanging out a lot lately. But you can’t dog me! You’re always busy! The last two times I ask you to hangout you’ve been busy with Drew. And I have nothing against you for that.” You tuck your legs under you.

Sarah holds her hands up as if she was surrendering, coffee cup clutched between her thighs.

“I wasn’t going to dog you! I’m happy you’re seeing someone new.”

You scoff and throw your head back briefly.

“I’m not ‘seeing’ him. We are just friends and plus I think he’s going to get back together with his ex who is gorgeous by the way.” 

Hyejin really was stunning, long legs, a model like figure, a pretty face. Her and Jungkook looked like a dream couple, like the ones you see on clothing adverts. 

Little did you know, Jungkook was developing a crush on you. He didn’t realise it at first. Not until he spoke to his best friend about it. Namjoon was really wise and he had a lot of knowledge. And he was very observant, he paid close attention and he knew all his friends like back of his hand. Especially Jungkook, who he saw as some sort of younger brother. 

Jungkook was mindlessly talking about you, going on and on about how cute your reactions were when showed you Avengers: Endgame for the first time. When Namjoon had suggested that he liked you, Jungkook laughed. Saying you were just a new friend he was excited to be spending time with. But then he really thought about it, he liked your sense of humour, your kindness, way of thinking. Then he thought some more, he also liked your laugh, smile, your face, your eyes. Everything. Was it too soon to like you? He had only recently parted ways with Hyejin. Yeah., the feelings had been gone for a while. He felt like a terrible person for liking you, he was still talking to Hyejin, she was so adamant on patching things up and he was indifferent. He felt better after ending the relationship, but he didn’t want to hurt her. So he picks up when she calls, he replies to her messages. Hell, he even calls the computer repair guy to check up on the laptop she was having fixed. He knew he was placating her, but he was not the type to break hearts. Well he tried not to be. 

The wise friend Namjoon was, he advised Jungkook to think it through. He had just gotten out of a long term relationship, he shouldn’t be jumping into anything straight away, no matter how much he claimed he liked you. 

Sarah left after a while, she had to get ready for her weekend road trip with her boyfriend. You stayed on the couch for quite a while afterwards. Sprawled out, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about what you were going today for the day. Usually you spent Saturdays cleaning up your mess from the week, but you hadn’t been home much. So there was little to no mess. You would get home, change and then head to Jungkook’s or wherever you guys had made plans. 

You force yourself to hop in the shower, not as fancy as Jungkook’s but it still hit the spot. You throw on a dress and head to the kitchen as your stomach loudly reminds you how hungry you were.

Opening your fridge, you sigh in disappointment. It was a sad sight, one lonely apple sat on the middle shelf. Next to your jug of water, that was half empty. You hadn’t done any grocery shopping, as you spent the majority of your time at Jungkook’s place. Your hands were itching to pick up your phone and order some fast food. You take a deep breath and slam the fridge door shut. You grab your phone and put in your bag, and throw your coat over your shoulders, slipping your feet into your shoes and head out the door.

You leisurely walk down the aisle, fingers skimming snacks you definitely didn’t need to make a meal. You stop, to a passerby, it looks like you’re staring down a box of cookies. But for you, you were having an internal argument. A voice pulls you out of your head, someone was calling your name. You turn around to see Jungkook walking towards you. Hair slicked back, wearing a form fitting sleeveless gym shirt, with shorts. His colourful sleeve was so apparent. Chunky sneakers adorning his feet. It was like the universe was forcing you together, you literally spent time with him the day before, leaving in the morning. 

“Hey!”  You say, grabbing the box of cookies off of the shelf and throwing them into the cart. 

He smiles, lip ring glistening in the fluorescent light of the supermarket. 

“Funny running into you here. It’s like you’re  stalking me or something.” He jokes. 

You laugh and push him in jest. 

“Hey! This is closer to my house. You’re stalking me!  What are you doing here?”

He gestures to the gym bag resting on his shoulder. 

“My gym is next door, I’m just picking something up for a late lunch.” 

Your eyes land on the cup of ramen he had in his hand.

“Why waste all your hard work by eating that?” You comment.

He eyes your cart, filled with different types of meat, vegetables fruit and snacks. He then looks in his hand at the sad cup of ramen. 

“ I don’t know how to cook. And ordering food isn’t as fun as when you’re alone.” He slightly pouts.

He was being cute and you couldn’t handle it. Something about his doe eyes made you want to protect him. 

“I live super close, why don’t you come over for dinner? You’ve been a good host to me, now its my turn.” You suggest, running though the layout of your apartment in your head. You put your discarded clothes in the laundry right? He wouldn’t have to step over underwear, right? Fingers crossed. 

He accepts happily. He places his gym bag in the cart, and puts the Ramen back on the shelf. Despite protesting, he takes the cart from you and pushes it through the supermarket. He was such gentleman, he even offered to pay for the groceries, you politely declined. He helped you carry the heavy bags to his car and loaded the boot. 

You were very thankful that you bumped into him, it saved you the struggle of carrying your 4 heavy bags home. 

He loads your bags into his car and you both get settled in before departing for your home. The journey was relatively quick. Not much conversation just the soft sound of Jungkook singing to whatever song he was playing. 

You each took two bags each out of the trunk. 

He helps you offload the car, not letting you carry any bags this time. 

He follows you to the elevator, standing next you as you punch your floor number. You offer to lessen his load but he refuses, saying he was stronger than Hercules. Causing you to jokingly roll your eyes.

He trails out of the elevator behind you, all the way to you front door. You quickly enter the pin and push the door opening, talking in, holding the door open for him. He mumbles a thank you before setting the bags on the countertop. He steps back and gives his surroundings a once over, your apartment was the complete opposite of his. Whilst he stuck with varying tones of grey, you chose jewel tones. All the way down to your velvet couch. He smiles to himself, it suited you so well. 

You cook a delicious meal and share it together. Mindlessly opening a bottle of wine, not taking into account that Jungkook had to drive home. 

An accidental peck. That’s what it should’ve been. Over in a heartbeat. Even though it was wrong he couldn’t help it. The evening should have been like any other, after work on Friday you usually go to Jungkook’s apartment and watch a couple shitty movies and drink wine. And nothing like this has happened.

You were concentrated on the movie, wine glass in hand when Jungkook noticed a loose eyelash on your cheek.

“You have an eyelash on your cheek.” He says softly, capturing your attention as you turn away from the screen.

“Where?” You place your wine glass down on the coffee table and start rubbing around your cheeks. Somehow missing the rogue eyelash with every single swipe.

Jungkook chuckles and places his wine glass next to yours.

“Let me help you.” He scoots closer to you.

This is where is all went wrong. He leans in closer to get a better look, he pinches his fingers together and removes the lash from your cheek, he holds his finger out and you gently blow the lash off of his finger.  

That’s it, the lash was gone, he could move away now. He should move away now. But he doesn’t he leans in and puts his lips over yours. You freeze in shock. He tightly closes his eyes and moves back, embarrassed at his actions. Before he could fully recoil you press your lips to his. His hand comes up to cup your cheek. You take the opportunity to deepen the kiss, opening your mouth to capture his plump bottom lip between your teeth. He moans and slips his tongue into your mouth, your tongue meets his own and you moan.

It should’ve ended there, but it didn’t. Your hand somehow ended up on his crotch, and then down his pants. And then he somehow pulled you on to his lap, legs either side of him. 

When he pulled away to plant open mouth kisses on your neck, you should’ve snapped out of it. When you winced from the slight pain of being stretched out he should’ve come to. But neither of you did, not when he finished inside you. Not when your core clenched around him. 

It all happened so quickly, you knew it was wrong but none of you were to blame, right? It’s not like you planned it. It was hardly romantic. You didn’t get undressed, he just slid your panties to the side. You just pulled him out of his sweatpants. It was hardly candles and 90s RnB, just the sound of the characters from Shrek in the background. After a few bounces on his lap, his body goes rigid and then he relaxes with a moan escaping his mouth. He smashes his lips to yours, hands in your hair. You return the passionate kisses before pulling away, foreheads resting on each other. 

You awkwardly get off of him and feel his release start to trickle down your thighs. You spare him a quick glance before heading to the bathroom. You hear him say your name as you practically run away to the bathroom, slamming the door behind you. 

You sit down to pee, and the thoughts are racing through your mind. How stupid could you be? You were complicit in an act of infidelity. And you didn’t use any protection. You knew Jungkook was clean but he was still involved with Hyejin, who he was probably very sexually active with. You finish up and wash your hands and splash your face with cold water. You take several deep breaths before leaving the bathroom. You are met with sight of Jungkook leaning up against the wall outside the bathroom. He was a sight to see, his hair slightly tussled, but somehow still managing to look perfect. His lips slightly swollen and pink from your very heated kisses. His shoulders hung low as if he was attempting to make himself smaller.

“I’m sorry.” He says, not daring to look at you. 

Gently shutting the door behind you, you reach out to touch his shoulder. He slowly looks up, doe like eyes meeting your tired ones. 

“You don’t have to apologise. As shitty of me as it is, I wanted to do everything we …did. I should be the one apologising I’m the one who took it way too far. “ You push past him, straightening out your dress. 

He grabs your hand, stopping you in your tracks. 

“ I- I don’t-“ he starts, taking a big breath. 

You look at him expectantly. 

“This is real. I’ve been holding it in, wondering if you felt the same way. Wondering if I was going crazy. I know that this happened in less than ideal circumstances. But I am all in, if you are.”

He holds your hand firmly in his own. 

It would be so easy to let yourself give in. But it wasn’t realistic. He had a girlfriend. Well she wasn’t really his girlfriend , but you knew they had been discussing getting back together. 

“I can’t, Jungkook. You and Hyejin have been talking about getting back together. Up until now we’ve just been really good friends. And I want it to stay that way. I don’t want to sour what we have. It means too much to me. Way too much. I think it’s best if we take a break. Maybe not hang out for a while.” You run your fingers through your tangled hair. 

He sighs. There was the bitter truth in your words, he had been talking to Hyejin. But all the talk was hypothetical. The both talked about the pros but mostly the cons of getting back together. He wished he hadn’t shared with you. He wasn’t getting back together with her. It was a floating thought that passed through his head. But he couldn’t get into it, not now. Not with how you weren’t meeting his eyes. 

He apologises one more time before heading towards the door. Forcefully putting on his shoes, phone clutched in hand. He mumbles a weak goodbye before leaving. He stands in the hall way thoughts rushing through his mind as he books a taxi. How did he fuck this up?

[subspencer]

spencer has been on a case for a couple weeks now, and he’s coming back tonight. his plane was delayed so he wouldn’t have gotten home until really late so you try your hardest to stay awake by doing different things that google says helps, and eventually you fall asleep reading a book or something and when spencer comes home he sees you and just moves you to get comfy and kisses your head, then you wake up and then some fluff or smut doesn’t matter<33

hiii i wrote this all last night! it’s a bit of both fluff and smut! 

wc: 1.4k    

According to Google, the scent of pumpkin was known to arouse men, especially when combined with the scent of lavender. So you lit a bunch of different candles, a few of both scents, plus dozens of smaller ones to line the windowsills. 

Chocolate is another aphrodisiac, as you’ve heard. You hand-dipped fresh strawberries in the fanciest chocolate money could buy, plating them up next two two champagne flutes and a chilled bottle of bubbly. It was the least you and Spencer deserved after weeks apart. 

Everything looked great, until he texted you at nine-thirty in the evening, at the time you were expecting his plane to land.

I’m so sorry, a massive storm came through. Plane never left. We’re getting back on now, hope to land in a few hours. 

Well, fuck. You were so prepared for him; all dressed up, glasses already poured, candles lit, and a set of new lingerie on.  

But it was only three hours. That’s all that separated you from Spencer, and after so many days, you could manage to busy yourself for a few hours. He was worth the wait. 

You passed eighty minutes by watching some tv, another twenty while playing a game on your phone, and twenty more by going back to the tv. Two hours down, one more to go. But you made the fatal mistake of having some of that champagne while you waited, and staying awake seemed harder to do with every passing minute.

With no coffee in the house to keep yourself up, you resorted to the internet again. The first search result was a listicle of tips and tricks:

1. Get Up and Walk Around  

Okay, done. And while you walked around, you also accomplished tip number four, “Eat a Healthy Snack to Boost Energy”. With a whole, peeled carrot in one hand, you paced around Spencer’s apartment while chomping on the vegetable for a good ten minutes. 

It worked, but only a little. So, you tried another item.

5. Start a Conversation to Wake Up Your Mind

It was a total bust. At goddamn eleven forty five in the evening, on a week night, not many people would be excited to pick up the phone. You tried a few numbers and all of them went to voice mail. 

On to the next one.

3. Give Your Eyes a Break

Okay, so no screens. You put your phone down, shut the television off, and walked over to Spencer’s bookcase. Running your fingers along their spines, you were in awe of how many books he had. It was too many to pick from, so instead, you went to his bedside table and picked up the book he was last reading in bed. 

You almost fell into the trap of sitting in bed to read it. You knew if you did that, you’d fall asleep right away. So you took it to the couch, grabbing one of his sweaters off his armchair on the way, and tossing it overhead.

In a bid of hope, you never got out of that lingerie you put on for him, but now it was starting to get chilly. You promised yourself to take it off the second you heard his keys hit the door; he’d never have to know you were anything less than the perfectly seductive piece you were dressed up as. 

But, Jesus fucking Christ. Spencer reads some boring books.

Not boring, maybe, but ones that have words just in the damn title that you don’t even understand. You strained your mind through four of the pages, which took at least another twenty minutes anyways, and decided that was more than enough. 

You checked your phone again, hoping for a miracle. And it came to you in the form of a text from Spencer.

Just landed! 

Got news that all the roads are blocked off. Trains are closed, Morgan’s gonna drive me home, but it could still take at least an hour :(

There wasn’t even a moment to be excited about the first part before you swiped out of the messages app and angrily pulled up that listicle again. All the other suggestions were rubbish; you weren’t going to go exercise in a snowstorm, there wasn’t any fucking sunlight at past midnight, and you’d already drank tons of water. 

There was one item on the list you hadn’t tried yet.

2. Take a Nap to Take the Edge Off Sleepiness

That was tempting. Spencer did say it would be another hour, and as he’s informed you many times before, a twenty-minute nap was all it took to get the optimal nap in. 

You caved. But you made sure to set your phone alarm for twenty minutes out, and yet another after that just in case. Fluffing Spencer’s sofa cushions up, you tucked one under your head and laid down.

-

You woke up just moments before Spencer came home. He walked in to find you waiting for him, clad in the hottest red lingerie he’d ever laid eyes on. After weeks of being apart, he didn’t have the time for words. He dropped his bags at the door and wordlessly stormed over, bringing his hands to either side of your face and gripping you tightly as he covered your mouth with his own. 

Your mouths worked furiously together, and his hands dropped low on your hips before throwing all caution to the wind and palming your ass. With both hands just below your ass, he picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he walked you to the wall and pinned you against it. Your pussy was leveled perfectly against his hard dick. He grinded himself against you, moaning at the sweet friction. His head was buried in your neck, sucking so deliciously. 

“Spencer,” you moaned his name, low and rolling, as he shifted your panties aside. “Mmm, feels so good baby.” 

He carefully set you down and dropped to his knees, putting his face between your legs instead. His tongue pressed along the length of your seam. You let your eyes close as you dropped your head back onto the wall.

“Fuck, Spencer!” you couldn’t stop moaning it. Every other breath became the sound of his name. 

And then, you felt a kiss on your forehead. And a palm on your shoulder. Your eyes flickered open, fully and for real this time.

Next thing you knew, Spencer was kneeling on the floor. Not between your legs, but by your side while you were laid out on the couch, gently shaking you awake.

“Hi,” he smiled as you finally blinked your eyes awake. “Havin’ a good dream, I hope?”

You grumbled, disappointed both that it wasn’t real, and that you’d fallen asleep. “No, no, it wasn’t supposed to be like this!” you pouted, sitting up. “I was supposed to wake up and, and –”

“Be ready for me?” He quirked a brow as he surveyed the room. 

There were dozens of blown-out candles under the open windows, carrying a cool evening breeze. An untouched plate of chocolate strawberries, and a less-untouched bottle of champagne. You, clad in something silky and red, that made you look like a present waiting to be unwrapped. And also, his chunky knit sweater. 

“I tried, I promise. I did everything, I even read that book of yours,” you gestured to it on the coffee table, barely cracked open.

“Well, it’s no wonder you fell asleep then,” he laughed. 

“I’m so sorry, Spence.” 

He only shook his head and pushed your shoulders back down until you were lying on the couch again. 

“Don’t apologize.” He pulled your knees closer to him, hooking the leg closest to him over his far shoulder and nestling himself inside. “To find my girlfriend waiting for me, in my home,” he stopped to kiss the inside of your knee, “in my sweater,” and then the other one, “and in this, too?” 

Spencer pushed up the hem of the sweater, exposing the fancy lingerie you had under. His large hands rested on your sides as he dove in to kiss your belly, right above the mesh garter belt you wore. From there, he kissed a line all the way down, stopping before reaching your panties.

“Well, that’s all I could’ve asked for.” He gave you a smirk before hooking one finger into your panties and pulling them to the side. He dragged his tongue over you. “So, why don’t you tell me what that dream was about?”