#beefro is trash for catfish

[beefrobeefcal]

I was planning on getting out something to celebrate Frankie Friday this week (promp courtesy of @noxturnalpascal - thank you!) but your beef is sick again and despite me getting 2,300+ words down, it makes very little sense.

So I made a banner instead of finishing the fic.

Happy Frankie Friday!

This is Noxy’s promp:

So maybe we’ll have a delayed observance to my fav P-boy’s day of the week?

NyQuil calls to me, babies,

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefros-beefy-boy-bin]

Saw you reblogged Santi and Frankie gif set and…. thinking thoughts on both being um … softened up

YES PLS TAKOS YES!!!!!!!

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

dag nabbit this man…

happy frankie friday y’all

💜🧢🐟🚁💸💜

*beefNote: dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique*

[beefrobeefcal]

Kinda quick Frankie for Frankie Friday 🤲🏽🎁

You’re the gift that keeps on giving, Takos!

LOOK AT HIM. LOOK. HE LOOKS SO HAPPY. SO FULL AND HAPPY.

*off putting accordion + kazoo duet floats out of a flaming dumpster*

THANK YOU TAKOS! HE’S BEAUTIFUL AND CHUBBY AND OH SO FRANKIE.

Happy Frankie Friday y’all!

I-like-‘em-thicc-I-like-‘em-chunky regards,

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

EVERYONE GET ON MY LEVEL 🍾 FRANKIE MORALES IS JUST THE BEE’s fuckin KNEESSSSzz

I know I’m supposed to be writin dave but FUCK I LOVE FRANKIE

Happy Frankie Friday Babes

[beefrobeefcal]

dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique dique

no one contact me for 3-5 business days while I think about this

[beefrobeefcal]

“I want to make out with hairy plus sized men” -my friend in the middle of a conversation

(I responded by saying “real”)

Such a vibe, Deathy…

Please, for your friend’s sake, send them on over to the Bistro. I won’t out you as being a gold star repeat offender here (unless you want me to).

But that need, I believe, is universal. Tell me I’m wrong. TELL ME IM WRONG! *even if you do, I won’t listen 🙉*

Deathy, just for you and keepin’ it real with your irl friendo, imma slap some On the Waterfront Chapter 8 - Linger here for you under the cut.

Just for Deathy! No one else look!

You-know-I’m-such-a-fool-for-you regards,

Beefro 👌🥩💜

“Mr. Morales...”, you breathed, needy and desperate.

“Babygirl... “, he grinned, crawling up you and pulling your core roughly against his denim-clad hard on. “Can't call me that when I - .”

You let out a whining moan as he rutted against you, feeling the fabric get hot and damp from your arousal smearing across his crotch.

“You call me Frankie when I’m fuckin’ you.”

[beefrobeefcal]

a Message from Beefro

My lovely friendos... after taking a pole and being like "YES I'M FINALLY GOING TO SPACE!", this dumb beefy brain of mine decided to finally find the gumption, the audacity, and the moxie to write OTWF Chapter 8 - Linger. Like write and finish.

So you can look forward to that tomorrow after my gorgeous BetaFish @neverwheremoonchild does what they do best and (hopefully) gives me the OK-GO.

But fret not... to Space I am going, and you all will join me soon.

Burning-out-his-fuse-up-here-alone regards,

Beefro 👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

Hello there Beefro!

I have a question. How do you like your steak, and why? You can interpret this question any way you like.

Yours in Pascalitis,

El

Time to grill, Tatty!

I like my steak hefty, uncut, and hard. Preferably in private and on a soft surface, but I’m not opposed to having it on a counter top or other hard surface if the mood strikes me. Taken orally or otherwise, I prefer to consume it from a large portion that answers to the name ‘Frankie’.

And why? Because it gets me off, that’s why. 🥩💜🥩

And if you meant how I prefer my steak in the sense of actual beef? I prefer filet mignon, medium rare, grilled, and served oscar with scallops, and grilled seasonal veggies as a side. Because I’m a fancy beef. 🥩

I-need-big-boy regards,

Beefro 👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

i really hope they make Triple Frontier 2... and thank god ben affleck won't be in it.

also.. imagine seeing frankie as a dad 😩😩

i just made myself horny, bye 👋

To Nonnie, Love Beefro

You’re so real for this, Nonnie… I’m making an assumption because you did put this in my THOT TANK… but I assume we’re horny for the same reasons.

Firstly, hell to the yeah bunnaphlecque won’t be in it.

Secondly… *deep inhale*

MOTHER FUCKIN MIDDLE AGE SPREAD, SPARE TIRE, ‘YEAH, ILL GET BACK TO THE GYM EVENTUALLY’, ‘THIS ENTIRE COSTCO FAMILY SIZED BAG OF ZESTY DORITOS BEING EATIN ALL AT ONCE IS OKAY AS A MIDNIGHT SNACK’ FRANKIE ELIZABETH MORALES.

@morallyinept made a post a while ago when sounds about a possible TF2 was in the works:

AND I FELL APART.

Then @morallyinept followed that up with a ficlet EXPANDING ON THE ABOVE THOTS AND AGAIN… I LOST MY FUCKIN MIND.

This is my personality now. This is who I am. IT’S NOT A PHASE, MOM!

Nonnie, you and I are not alone in our Daddy!Fish getting thicc as hell while being a fuckin hottie homebody… 34lb 7oz toddler baby Jesus wearing a duck bib, I need a THICC ASS FRANKIE ‘CATFISH’ MORALES AND I NEED THIS NOW [cue gif of flaming dumpster].

I-need-a-big-boy regards,

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

Hi Beefro, it’s me, the nonnie who busted fat nuts 🤭 I’m actually on your page quite a bit and we have chatted before but I’m going to keep it concealed bc this is insane

So, ya girl was horny, and the fingers just weren’t doing it. So I grabbed an old pillow and rolled that sucker up, and did my thing. Now I’ll go ahead and tell you that it is mandatory that I make up a good scenario if I really want to bust em. Usually, when I’m doin my thing with the pillow, I imagine I’m actually doin my thing on someone’s thigh—usually a pedge boy bc that’s how I roll. Now, this pillow was a bit soft, and my mind said “hm, why might a thigh be so soft? What pedge boy has soft thighs?”. And, for some reason, my glorious mind said chubby frankie, specifically beefro’s chubby frankie. Girl when I tell you I finished so damn fast and with that man’s name on my tongue 🫣 Imagine riding that man’s thigh, can you really blame me?

Sorry for the tmi, but I have a feeling you don’t mind too much 😘

There’s no such thing as tmi round these parts, Nonnie!

We here at the Bistro thank you for sharing your she-bop-he-bop-we-bop ritual. And I especially thank you for honoring Chubby!Frankie by screaming his name after riding that pillow to fruition.

I’m delighted that you followed up and filled us all in with the dirty details of your thigh-grinding daydream. I’m sure you’ve enlightened - and dare I say inspired - a few folk here with your solo-sesh escapades.

Truly, there is no higher honor as a smutty fic writer than to know your filthy word salad has sated another so sinfully. Thank you again, Naughty Nonnie!

✨😮‍💨🥵🫠🦉💣

You’re-my-butterfly-sugar-baby regards,

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

Beefro I just busted fat nuts to your chubby Frankie while I wasn’t even reading your fic 😭 I’m willing to give details if you would care for them 👀

Naughty Nonnie!😈

You saucy minx. GIMME ALL THE DIRT. BITCH THAT POT AND SPILL, BABY!

Frankie makes me hornier than a 14-peckered owl, so you’re in good company 🦉🫠🥵

Because-I-can't-stop-messin'-with-the-danger-zone regards,

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

Frankie PLEADING with you to fully sit down on his face--he wants to properly be suffocated. And at some point you lose a bet, and those are his very specific terms of his winnings. Except he makes you sit reverse riding his face, so he can bend you forward to lick the creamy ropes of his spend on his abs after cumming untouched from eating you out.

The only way for you to know he's still alive, buried under your ass without a single means accepting a breath of air, is the sight of his swaying feet and twiddling toes happily dancing at the other end of the bed.

[beefrobeefcal]

i love your chubby!frankie fics, i wanna feed him cookies n cream chocolate. ur fics r just a masterpiece!!

Thank you, Deady! I’m glad that you’re here in the Bistro with us and enjoying Frankie. As you can probably tell, he’s pretty much my fav P-boy to write.

And he could always use another snack. Cookies’n Cream chocolate? Oh hell yeah… the THOT TANK is always open. 😮‍💨🥵😘🥩

Smuttiest regards,

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefrobeefcal]

Okay you know how I said the ‘Frankie going in a dark warehouse, guns ablaze to save honey’ here’s what I’m thinking:

He goes in, he finds her, saves her. Kills the bad guys. Looks (and feels) like the hero. Heat of the moment they hug (maybe a kiss for razzle dazzle) and the it hits honey. The shit he did and said. She slaps him. Hard across the face. No forgiveness (just yet maybe) bc we are standing on business and not just letting him back in our good graces the moment he does something nice (lol)

I’m having a moment so this is therapeutic for me 😄 lol

Why does BigFish have us in such a choke hold?

I keep going back and rereading previous chapters (for continuity which I have so far not yet mastered), and the fact this fictional man has his boot on my neck has alarmed and encouraged me. It’s not like I want to actually be in a relationship with a man who has me prisoner and I cook for him and he’s scary and mean and tall and fat and big and broad and likes being well-fed and… and… uh… w-what was I talking about?

Anyway, Prinny, your passion for BigFish is admirable and lands you at the top of the Friendos for Dark!Frankie pile. Yes, I am avoiding any and all plot points you may have mentioned.

Come-on-Barbie-lets-go-party regards,

Beefro👌🥩💜

[beefros-sin-bin]

JEANY. JEAN JACKET. JEANY JEANY BO BEANY.

This was a delightful flufftastic fic and I am BEAMING!

The feels, the history, the Santi-loves-Frankie… YES YES YES!

10/10 fluffy beefs.

Jeany! Congrats on one year, baby!

What can I bring to the sleepover? I have punch and pie at the ready.

You know I’m a Frankie girl thru and thru… but what if he was… drunk and handsy (in the best way possible) and maybe we’re not an item yet… but he’s hella interested and the alcohol makes him brave…

Love a little friends to lovers…

Beefro👌🥩💜

BEEFRO!! my darling, mi vida, thank you for sending this in! I hope it’s okay that we didn’t get smutty with it, and the reader was the one who was a lil drunk 🥺

-

mi vida

~word count: 2.0k~

Summary: Frankie Morales is your best friend and the love of your life.

Pairing | best friend!frankie morales x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, no age gap, language, mentions of drinking and smoking, right person wrong time, best friend!frankie, assumed unrequited love, frankie and the reader are bi, Santi, Will, and Benny exist in this universe but fuck Tom. Me and my homies hate a motherfucker named Tom, happy ending, reader can understand and speak Spanish, reader has no physical descriptions, +18 minors dni!

Translations:

mi vida- my life

querida- darling

hermano- brother

nada de eso- none of that

estoy en camino- I’m on my way

no te vayas de ahí- don’t move

voy a intentarlo- I’m going to try

vamos a salir de aquí- let’s get out of here

The bass in the nightclub is booming, pulsing in your ears and rattling your brain in your skull. Your vodka lemonade has practically watered down to nothing—great. To make matters even worse, your favorite pair of metallic heels keep sticking to the floor—gross. There’s too many people packed in this club, too many bodies, and you realize then that this was a terrible idea.

It all started with your stupid boyfriend—ex-boyfriend. He broke up with you over the phone, babbling pathetically about how he met someone else and how sorry he was. Bullshit. You sucked in your tears, and the remaining threads of your dignity and packed his shit up into a cardboard box and tossed it right down the garbage shoot.

Fuck him.

You weren’t even the least bit sad, no—you were furious. You should have known that he was a tool, just another asshole hiding under a ‘nice guy’ persona.

Did I even really love him? You questioned yourself in the mirror while applying a glitter shadow to your eyelids.

You did, but he’s not— You gripped the edge of the sink, staring at your reflection and the smudge mascara streaks under your eyes.

Frankie is too good for me. He deserves better.

Francisco—Catfish, Morales had been your best friend, your ride or die—your Clyde to your Bonnie, since you were kids.

You grew up on the same block and you remember the first day you met Frankie like it was just yesterday.

His mom sent him over to your house, with fresh tamales in a well loved container held between two clammy palms.

“Hey, I’m Frankie. Welcome to the neighborhood.” He said with a small, boyish grin.

He had the warmest brown eyes you had ever seen, and soon enough your diary was no longer doodles of unicorns, butterflies, princesses and dragons, it was Frankie Morales, and those brown eyes of his.

You walked to school together everyday and soon your duo turned into a little group consisting of three other kids that had become like brothers to Frankie and you.

There was Benny, Will, and Santi; the five of you shared your own stomping ground: the neighborhood playground. And as you grew older…your feelings towards your friends shifted.

You had a minor crush on Santi who found out through Benny and that’s how you ended up going to the movies together one weekend. Santi was a total gentleman, and while you were attracted to him, the butterflies weren’t there. The spark that you dreamed about feeling—was nonexistent. And when he kissed you, your foot didn’t pop up like it did in the Princess Diaries!

Get a room! You’d recognize that voice from anywhere—Frankie.

And low and behold, Frankie, Benny, and Will were all sitting a few seats behind you and Santi who wasted no time to grab a handful of popcorn and toss it at the three of them.

You and Santi decided afterwards that you were better off as friends. Will took you out to dinner once, and the two of you also quickly realized that you were better off as friends.

Benny ended up being your date to the junior prom. It was hard to not be attracted to a guy like Benny. He was smart, funny, and a total goober. He couldn’t dance for shit, but you had fun, and it was definitely going to be a night for the books.

Maybe you and Benny would have ended up together if you hadn’t slow-danced under a shimmering disco ball with Frankie after Benny took a break from dancing. Maybe your heart strings wouldn’t have tugged you in the direction of your best friend, and those big brown eyes of his.

“Are you going home with him, mi vida?” His words whispered against the shell of your ear while one hand rested along your lower back, and the other around your waist.

“Probably” You whispered softly.

You tried to pretend that you didn’t see the way his face fell, and his lips curve into a set frown.

“Good. He’ll take care of you. You deserve to have fun, querida.”

And when the song ended, and Benny returned, you watched your best friend walk away, his arm wrapped around Santi’s shoulders.

It was half-past 5 in the morning when you told Benny about your feelings for Frankie. You were tangled up in his sheets, passing a cigarette back and forth. Benny wasn’t even surprised, he just had this knowing grin on his face.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. We all know how you feel about catfish. It ain’t a secret.” He winked at you reassuringly.

-

On graduation night you had built up enough courage to finally tell Frankie how you felt, and after downing a few glasses of champagne for some extra liquid courage, you were ready—until you saw Frankie leaned in close to another girl in your grade, and your heart sank to the very pits of your stomach.

You told Santi how you felt about Frankie later that night while sharing a bottle of champagne on the old rusted swings of the neighborhood playground.

He confessed to you that he felt the same way about Frankie, but he was afraid of ruining their friendship and how Frankie would react.

You reached over, gently grabbing his hand in yours and told him, you should tell him how you feel, Santi.

-

When you went off to college, your four friends enlisted in the military and you weren’t sure if you would ever see them again. Life continued on for you, until you found yourself right back to your roots, and feeling the same way for your best friend as you did years ago. You just did a real damn good job of hiding it from your boyfriend.

So, that’s how you found yourself outside of the women’s bathroom, phone pressed to your ear, the bottom of your favorite heels sticking to the floor, and your thumbnail bleeding because you had ripped out a nasty hangnail with your teeth.

The dial tone rang, and rang and you thought that maybe this was a sign that you and Frankie were never meant to be. That it was all made up in your head, and scribbled in your diary. Maybe Frankie never felt the same way about you as you did for him.

“Mi vida?” his voice crackled on the other line and you imagined he had his hand cupped over his phone so that he could hear you better.

“Francisco,” you breathed, taking a pause as you gathered your thoughts. “I—I need you, Frankie.”

He nearly dropped his phone, lurching forward in his chair from your words. His erratic movements caught the attention of Santi who was sitting across from him in the booth and he raised his brows, mouthing, you okay, hermano?

Frankie was too caught up in the pounding of his heart in his chest, and his pulse racing in his eardrums to even notice Santi or Benny and Will now looking at him.

“Where are you, querida? Are you—safe? I can barely hear you.” Frankie uttered, bringing his thumb to his lips and gnawed on the side of the nail nervously with his teeth.

“I’m at some shitty club. Boyfriend broke up with me—and I ended up here. You don’t have to come, I just—I thought maybe…” you trailed off.

“Nada de eso, mi vida. Is it that same club we tried sneaking into back in highschool? The seedy one?”

“Yeah. The one where the floor is always sticky, and you can still smoke cigarettes.” You stifled a giggle.

“Estoy en camino, querida. Hang tight, okay? No te vayas de ahí.” He said in an urgent tone, gathering up his wallet and keys before he downed the last sip of his beer.

“I’m not going anywhere, Frankie.” You reassured him.

“I know, mi vida. I’ll stay on the line with you, ‘Kay?” He slipped out of the booth just as Santi stood up.

Frankie pulled his phone away from his ear momentarily, holding it against his shoulder as their eyes met.

Santi gave him a knowing a grin, slapping him on the shoulder gently in a half hug, “go get your girl, hermano.”

Frankie hugged him back, wrapping both arms around him before pulling back slightly with a grin slowly tugging over his lips, “Voy a intentarlo, hermano.”

And then there was Benny in the background yelling, “HELL YEAH, CATFISH! GO GET YOUR LADY!”

-

Frankie stayed on the phone with you the entire walk to the club which evidently was only a few blocks away. You were babbling on about how watered down your vodka lemonade was when Frankie had pushed himself through the mass of bodies all sweaty and sticking together. His eyes locked on your familiar face, right where you said you would be.

“I’m here, mi vida.” He whispered into the receiver before ending the call. He didn’t even have a chance to slip his phone into his back pocket when he felt your arms wound around his neck, pulling him into a hug. You smelled like cheap vodka, and flowery perfume that burned the sensitive hairs in his nostrils but he didn’t care.

“I missed you, Francisco.” You breathed into the bare patch of exposed skin on his neck, hugging yourself to him tightly. “I—there’s so much I want to say—and tell you, Frankie.”

“I missed you more than you can imagine, querida. I never—I’m so sorry…about your boyfriend.” He pulled back slowly so that he could get a good look at your face. He expected you to be a heartbroken wreck, but he was met with the complete opposite.

“Don’t be. He was a jackass, and I don’t think he and I were ever compatible.” You shrugged, eyes never leaving his. “I don’t give a fuck about him. I came out here to clear my head, but then I thought about you, Frankie. “Fuck it!” You laughed, choking back an on-coming sob that you weren’t expecting, “I should have just grown a pair all those years ago and told you how I felt! Fuck—do you have any idea just how in love with you I am, Francisco?”

“Mi vida, you’re drunk—you—just went through a break up, and you’ve had a lot to drink—”

She’s in love with me?

“I should have broken up with him a long time ago, Frankie. There’s a lot of things I wish I could have done differently, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but it’s always been you, Francisco, mi vida.”

She is in love with me.

Frankie brought his hands up to your face then, gently cradling your cheekbones in his palms. “Hey, hey, querida. It’s okay. Shit, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize for any of that. You and I—we’ve always danced around the subject, haven’t we?”

You nodded and brought your hands up to rest along his.

“Santi told me after we enlisted that you were going to tell me how you felt on graduation night and then never did because—the timing wasn’t right then, mi vida. I thought about writing you a letter at some point, but I never did because the last thing I ever wanted to do was hold you back from the life you deserved, querida. All these years I’ve wanted to tell you—”

You cut him off, pulling his face close to yours, “I love you, Frankie” you brushed your thumb across the heart shaped patch in his beard.

“Fuck—I love you so much, mi vida.”

And then you were both surging forward, accidentally smacking one another in the forehead, letting out a synchronized groan of pain before your lips finally met in a bruising kiss. Your foot popped up behind you as drunk club-goers stumbled past yours and Frankie’s passionate embrace.

You came up for air a few minutes later, giggling as you threw your arms around his neck once more and he held you close, swaying with you as if there was a slow song playing.

“Vamos a salir de aquí, Frankie.” You said breathlessly, carding your fingers through the back of his hair having half the temptation to rip off his baseball cap just so you could mess his hair up even more.

He grabbed one of your hands, bringing it down to his face and pressed his lips to the outside of your hand, looking deeply into your eyes.

“I’ll go anywhere with you, mi vida.”

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