#bee rambles endlessly

[ibeewashere]

Thinking abt. Thinking about catlike goblins

[jadeandroses]

Prompt by @hercarisntyours (which. Okay. I didn’t follow it to the letter. I hope that’s okay 👉👈)

the only way to bring me down

(Ao3 version) (next) (last)

(Warning: TF One spoilers ahead!)

If you had asked her before this exact moment, Elita would have said there wasn’t a reckless circuit in her body. She was focused. Her programming pushed her toward success, not risks and the potential of failure. She certainly wasn’t to the point of that one subordinate of hers, constantly breaking into archives and trying to saved trapped coworkers…

…and yet.

It took something to jump after him. Gall, perhaps? An undeniable sense of recklessness she hadn’t let herself explore, before? A sudden flare in her spark, whatever emotion it was that fueled the scream she let echo as she saw him shot?

Whatever it was, it didn’t matter much anymore—she was plummeting after him, and that was that.

(Bee’s scream as she jumped would forever echo in her audials.)

She thought they would have hit ground a long time ago. But that was far from the case—where the hard floor would have claimed her spark and whatever was left of his, it now disappeared out from under them. Arcs of energy—electric, buzzing under the ground—came narrowly close to them, and yet, not a one struck. But they were a source of light, for which she would have been grateful, if it weren’t for the fact that every single one illuminated Orion as he turned more and more gray.

Her eyes—and never you mind if they welled over—narrowed, and she lowered herself into a nosedive.

Her head made contact before her arms did. Without quick reflexes, he might have been thrown away from her, but she reached out, faster than any arc of lightning, and pulled him closer.

The wound burned under her touch, but his frame had already gone cold. Even his eyes—so full of light and wonder, even in the darkness of the mines—had gone out.

“You just had to make me believe,” she seethed, “didn’t you?”

The quick wit she had grown to despise was gone, and his lifeless frame didn’t answer. She pulled him into an embrace, just so that she didn’t have to look at his empty, sparkless eyes.

“I said you would bring us hope,” she wept, “not this! Orion, my god, he wasn’t worth it! Why did you have to be so-”

She choked on a sob, and instead howled her grief into the ground below. Her scream echoed, and thankfully, it masked the sounds of her tears.

She hadn’t cried in ages. Not since she was very, very young. It was a sign of weakness, in the mines. Elita needed to be strong, if she was to survive.

She was strong, yes, and she had carved a path for herself. But then Orion came into her life and ruined it all, and stars, she loathed him for it.

…but stars, it had been lonely without his passionate ramblings and bad flirting. It took a journey to the surface to realize just how much she had missed it.

(Maybe that was just constant exposure to Bee’s ceaseless chatter.)

…had she cried like this, when her cog was carved out as a newborn? Or had she been silent, voiceless and scared, like she had been every day of her life after that before Orion came and ruined it?

He had given her a priceless gift—her freedom. Her voice. Her autonomy. Maybe this choice had tossed back it in his lifeless face.

But she didn’t care. He had made his choice. She didn’t have to take it lying down.

And if she had to go back to relying only on herself, to being the only person in this universe she could count on or believe in…

…well. Whether her spark was snuffed out alongside his, or it flickered out trapped and endlessly alone in the dark of the mines, she would die one way or the other.

At least this way, it was her choice.

~~~~

He was gone.

He was gone, but her spark was still lit—that much she knew. That much, she could feel, deep within her chest, as it flickered right next to the cog of Alchemist Prime.

(The one renowned for his mind. Had she been thinking about it, when she received it, she would have preened.)

But the realization that holy Primus, she wasn’t dead wasn’t quite enough to distract her from the fact that Orion—her stubborn, endlessly optimistic moron of a former employee—was gone. In fact, even his corpse was missing from her arms.

She tensed. She straightened out her legs to stand—only to find no ground under her feet.

And, in front of her, painted in endless shades of stars and blue, backs of figures she only vaguely recognized.

If she had been staring at anything else, she might have looked at the blue sun in front of her, the figures of starlight in front of her, and put two and two together. But there was one in gray, whose back she had stared at as she charged into the unknown.

And suddenly her aching spark lurched.

“Orion!”

There was absolutely no response from anyone. She strained to see better, and, despite his lifeless state, he was glowing.

“What are you doing to him?!”

Still no response.

It was at this point Elita grit her teeth, and began to force her way past the ancient Primes like a barbarian. It didn’t occur to her at all what she was doing. All that mattered was that she get to him.

They resisted her. Even held their arms out to stop her. She thrashed, and even climbed one to see better.

“Stop! Please! He’s my friend! Don’t hurt him!”

As if the dead could feel pain. It was ridiculous. She didn’t even care.

On some unseen signal, though, they parted. No sooner did Elita find her footing did she once again find herself under the intense gaze of Alpha Trion.

It was like the world stopped. Orion—still lifeless, yet lit up like his spark hadn’t been extinguished in the first place—still had his back to her. And yet Alpha Trion stood in front of them both, lit up in starlight.

“Loyal to the very end,” he whispered.

It was reverential. It was almost a question. Even in the face of such might, she stood tall.

“That stubborn little optimist is the only person I’ve ever truly believed in,” she spat. “Of course I followed him!”

She wondered if she should have phrased that differently. That being said, it was the truth, and it hurt—but oh, she couldn’t take it back now. Where once her path had been hers and hers alone, it was one someone had chosen for her. Now, she had a choice—and she wanted nothing more than to stand by him. To help him, in his mission, no matter how stupid or now noble.

Especially now that D had…

It was difficult to say exactly what crossed Alpha Trion’s face. He rumbled approvingly, though.

“We Primes had a High Guard, once. Ones to advise us and to protect us. But more importantly, they were our friends.” Hand on Orion’s shoulder, he continued to speak. “It is a shame that we cannot give such luxuries to him. Instead, he will have you, loyal daughter of Cybertron, to protect him as we cannot.”

Her own frame began to glow, now. Not quite as bright as Orion’s, but almost. There was power coursing through her, filling her every circuit.

(…if she was tasting a fraction of what was coursing through him, she had the distinct feeling she wasn’t quite staring at Orion, anymore.)

“You are one of a kind, dear. Truly, you have earned your name,” he murmured kindly. “And as for our young one, here, I rather like what she said for his name, don’t you, my brethren?”

There was rumbling approval all around her. She was afraid to ask. But she swallowed it.

“…what?”

He turned starlit eyes on her friend, and smiled.

“Arise, Optimus Prime!”

[play-rough]

The person who brought up the baby talk was kunikida was adorable 🥺🥺 and I love cg Kuni and I hate to bring Chuuya up again but hear me out 😭😭. Chuuya unconsciously started to baby talk Dazai in a sweeter voice back in the mafia days and it mostly started calming Dazai down from any breakdowns or bad days because he either found it funny or soothing. Chuuya would white literally do a little bend and put his hands on his knees while doing it too if he wasn't shorter than Dazai lmao 💀 also if Dazai ever was comfortable with being little around other people in mafia days (unrealistix ik) Chuuya would most definitely not be ashamed and ignore everyone else around him and just started tending to the baby's every need any second and of course the baby talk.

I'd like to add that maybe it became so natural that if he hears Dazai whining and complaining and Chuuya isn't paying attention he'll unconsciously reply like that. Maybe once he was shaken awake by big Dazai whining about wanting Chuuya to make him food, and Chuuya sleeply doesn't register it's literally about food or that he's big and goes like "I know I know hunny, I'll make you something in a moment" in the higher sweeter baby voice. Dazai goes absolutely insane from both embarrassment that he gets spoken to like that, and laughing because it sounds funny and he hasn't really ever registered how ridiculous it might sound to him when he was big. Chuuya refuses to speak on the matter and he gets teased endlessly by Dazai.

If we are getting into it, possibly the first time Kunikida baby talks Dazai he instantly feels safer because it reminds him of the older days, and Kunikida also sounds hilarious in theory. That's why he makes it visibility know he likes it so Kunikida doesn't stop, because he doesn't want him to 🥺 sorry for the ramble lmao.

-🐝

Chuuya and Kuni for sure babytalk Dazai 😭 it’s too cute lmao 🥹 Dazai’s so embarrassed but he secretly loves it deep down, any reassurance that they actually like the baby is so meaningful to him 🩷 he gets frustrated tho lmao 🩷🩷pls don’t apologize bee anon ily this is so adorable

[bylertruther]

man makes a post specifically about /mike's/ level of comfort to do overtly gay shit, and how often it's /will/ who gets written as the uncomfortable one, people read it on mike and will's ability to do public gay shit /together/ in hawkins. okay

stopppfbshsjsbsbd it's ok 💔 the mike angst jus doesn't hit like the will angst does on bylertruther.edu.gov i guess.. they were going based off of someone else's tags so thts why it steered tht way i think.

one day we will be able to acknowledge that mike's inability to withstand even the most innocent and brief of touches with will specifically and his constant pushing will away and hyperfocusing on el may be something more in the realm of mike struggling with his sexuality and his feelings and choosing to focus on the less scary and more "normal" thing as a means of trying to get control over his situation instead of just.... (looks at the gen tag) assuming that mike is a gay disaster with no depth who is in a relationship with a girl he knows he doesn't romantically love but obviously that's as deep as that goes and there's nothing more to it or troubling about that at all? okay ❤️

mike can't hug will, can't even brush arms with him, but that's just because.... (checks tag again) will is so unbelievably sexy that it melts his brain? ok. mike is in a relationship with a girl he doesn't like Like That or in the Correct way and he STAYS in it even though he feels like shit and tries his best to make it work and worries the entire time over it way more than even she does.... but nah. he's fine! he's got that shit on lock bc he's clearly the king of compartmentalizing and self-acceptance. he'll jump right into that gay shit easy peasy and kiss will on the mouth asap!!

like. jdvdjsnshahajsn. rambling in this ask bc my tummy hurty which is making me feel like my brain is a box of bees tht someone just shook but i just. mike as a character is so endlessly fascinating there's an entire WORLD to explore in him as a queer dude in his precarious position like. it's a wealth of angst it pulls at your heartstrings he feels so much but he can't express it he Refuses to express it until he has no other choice and they're at the literal end of the fucking line he ruins things and then he tries desperately to fix them he knows his loved ones so well that he knows just where to strike and what to say to make it better like he's just . he thought he had to let go of what he loved to be a man he quit holding and touching his gay best friend that he has feelings for and tossed him to the side in favor of his gf who is supposed to resemble him.

i just. HE LITERALLY DOES THAT WITH NO ONE ELSE?! AND YOU GUYS (/gen) THINK ITS WEIRD AND CRAZY AND OOC FOR HIM TO BE HESITANT TO DO GAY SHIT..... TO BE SCARED TO ENGAGE WITH THAT PART OF HIMSELF EYES WIDE OPEN KNOWINGLY WALKING INTO THE LIGHT AND EMBRACING THAT LARGER THAN LIFE CHANGE WHICH IS SO OFTEN A DEATH SENTENCE........ YOU THINK IT'D BE WEIRD OF MIKE WHEN WE ALREADY KNOW HE DOESN'T ALLOW HIMSELF THE SAME GRACE, UNDERSTANDING, OR ACCEPTANCE AS HE DOES OTHERS?

takes a deep breath and plops down on ur dash . i jus have a lot of Mike Feelings okay ...... i see an opportunity to speak on him n i Take it!!!!!!! there is so much to him and his experience and people just don't want to come anywhere near it or any of the possibilities and it Kills me it really does .

[ovkl]

i started playing funger. i chose dark priest and my first run went exactly as youd think

Dude. I started playing cause I thought Enki (The dark priest) looked cool. Was not aware of if there were any character differences aside from intros and beginning skills, and it was/is pretty hard to find sources. In spite of being out for 5 years, there's a lot that we don't really Know.

First run ended in prisons. I totally fucked myself over. Just really bad rng. No way to wiggle through. Played again, paused for several months, came back and couldn't remember what the hell I was doing. I simply knew it was sucking because I had it in my mind that you HAD to fight bosses and enemies, and often did so unprepared and unaware of their patterns. I still wasn't totally aware of the fact you do not have levels. Just better items, ideally, as you go deeper.

For a 3rd pass I ended up needing to reset from a fresh save a lot. I quickly learned the hard way about the fact people like Ragnvaldr, who was missing a goddamn arm, WOULD NOT fuck Enki specifically to form Marriage. I went about things in a pretty nontraditional way otherwise. As soon as I left inner hall, I bee lined to the Thicket. Got Ragnvaldr. Went to Mines. Got Cahara, and D'arce. Got the Salamander Snake soul stone. Left with a regular ending as I did not meet conditions for anything in particular. Enki has really great starting shit. I personally decided on Dash, getting Necromancy later as most fights until I'd eventually get a scroll or soul stones were pretty much a nonissue. He couldn't hold most of the good stuff I got due to his... gauntness. I did get a lot of cursed weapons in this run which proved to be extremely helpful. Endlessly in love with how different each play can be but memory and reliance on previous experiences in dying and whatnot can be very useful, even if the layout is a different version.

I started a new run recently as Cahara and it is UNREAL how different it is. The leg weights came off and all that... Ragnvalder lost his stupid fucking arm again and had no issue banging it out immediately. Trying to keep the girl in my party. I gave her to Pocketcat for a sword in my prev. Raced thru the Thicket and got Le'garde. I think I was omw to D'arce but wanted to do some other stuff for an ending now that I'm not on a time limit. Have been contemplating getting Nas'hrah this time...

Also checked out Termina finally. I was pretty relunctant but the enemy designs were too good not to check it out and I fucking love it. Lots of focus on a god we don't see a lot of in F&H. It's a stark reminder that while the Gods have abandoned them, they have not left. They simply refuse to intervine. They will favor and gift and view, but they will not halt their demise in any way whatsoever. They will be present to their suffering. Love O'saa a lot. And Samarie. Among others. Lots of cool shit and ties. Anyway I rambled a lot please liveblog the shit out of your play for me.

[switchbladedreamz]

<3 Read My Poetry Or Die <3

The rain is falling down

Autumn has turned to gray

Is this how love feels? Observing through a different perspective?

The beauty only some see as others see a dreary day

A gorgeous day out of gray skies and decaying leaves

Green to yellow to orange and red to brown and dead

Fall intwines itself into the olfactory senses as familiar as greeting an old friend

~~~~

I can see clearly now

The grey of skie through wilted green leaf

With no warmth to radiate from the concrete, it's cold outside.

The wind sends only chills when last season it gave relief

The sky no longer brings perspiration and chaffing but goosebumps and promises of bare trees

Soon the snow will fall leaving warmth a memory in cold bones as grandfather christmas sits on his throne.

~~~~~

After Marimba

Like a moth drawn to a flame say my name summon me

Let the fire spread through you into you (out of me) (it came from me)

Feel my whisper against your neck like a breath of spring let the chills run down your spine take me away say your mine

Like a rabbit running down the hole, youre my home

An eternity

Feel the rush as our lips twist like the thread of fate

I can feel you absorb my sin make it yours i am free

As your body starts to decompose they wont know

That its me

Now ill find another muse just to use

Its makes me free

~~~~~

What is solemn

Is it deep

Shallow

Does it fill the hollow

Does it come in waves or is it a blanket

Suffocation

No air

Is this fair

That you were taken and we're still here

The fresh disturbed ground seeping underfoot

Mascara clumps from weeping

A hole in the heart of those you left, we wish you the best in the next life as the pain of your absence grows rife.

Gray washes into my veins, muscles, bone.

A slate of slate slammed into the ground, molded with my words of sorrow

A peaceful serenity waits, sleepless night of grief taking over routine

The serenity lurks, we think it waits. Graceful in a grove, waiting to embrace you into white.

Serenity is a nice name for earths most brutal hunter, nothing can run from Serenity.

Inside of flesh, flush with every pore, the sun poured from you like your heart was the source

~~~~~~~~

Let Me Be the Rocky Shore your Ship Breaks On

Feel my waves crash around you, consuming sound and sanity

Feel my salt in your wounds

My wind taking your screams no one hears , carrying them endlessly among my tumultuous tides

Lose yourself in my blues and greens like starry eyed star-crossed lovers staring in each others eyes on a starry night

Waves gorge themselves on you, are the stars blinking you wonder

My love fills your lungs full but you only choke on my waters

The water gets darker the deeper you go, my embrace is the pressure compressing your ribcage into your entrails

My love fills you as you sink.

I just wanted to show you how dearly I loved you.

~~~~~~~~~

I want someone that wants to kiss me because they wonder if my lips taste like cherries because they're so soft and pink

I want someone that misses the feeling of my smaller fingers between theirs when we held hands

I want someone that would tell me they thought of me in passing at work

I wanted to listen to you to you ramble about your favorite things, when the dog bites, when the bee stings

Hold my hand and discreetly fall in love with the idea of me and feel cold when I leave you.

~~~~~~~~

:: I Can't Go Back ::

I walk on a broken road

Its red and made of brick

Any scrape

Every nick, you had a mean word and a gentle bandaid

Bandages dont stick well after tears fall

Wicked words laced

Tell her she's nothing

Take her apart

Staring at her bare complexity you refuse to see

Refusing reusing

Trying to seduce me

Spells and chants hold no affect

The feelings churn, hearts burn

Havoc is wrought

Its been 622 days

The overcast is gone and the sun is out

Yet you linger like a distant winter breeze; a chill runs down my spine

Nightmares of your face on my body

No escape

Took everything and more

As if my essence was your oxygen

Crowding crowding crowding

No room to breathe with you breathing down my neck

Machines pump air into my lungs

Was this all worth it for you in the end?

Now i see its been worth it for me, thanks to your misguided misjudgment of who i am, i now have everything and more

Mark my words i know you'll take the life from me if i find myself on the broken brick road

[thespoonisvictory]

I posted 5,874 times in 2022

1,359 posts created (23%)

4,515 posts reblogged (77%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@firesnap

@thespoonisvictory

@surreal-static

@geoguessbur

@snailsnfriends

I tagged 3,314 of my posts in 2022

Only 44% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 426 posts

#d20 - 182 posts

#acofaf - 168 posts

#fav - 127 posts

#exu:c - 54 posts

#critical - 50 posts

#spoon rambles - 39 posts

#prev - 34 posts

#^^^ - 31 posts

#neverafter - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like yes niki enjoys a good drawn out seagull eating bit and phil will do unhinged tts but who else would rp being stuck in a public library

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ok fine I’ll say it. a good portion of dsmp streamers don’t care about the story and maybe arguably they never understood the enormity of what certain people on that server were trying to create, the integrity they were trying to maintain in it. they see clicks, engagement, and an endlessly appeased fanbase that will accept infinite promises and excuses, and as long as you still click on that stream they aren’t going to care. the farthest a good half of them got was “this seems cool” and then they streamed it and we took that and wrote fun analysis and did fanart. and as long as we all know that and accept that george and sapnap do not care or even understand why tommy’s house is so important, that’s fine. as long as we get that certain streamers only bring it up to promote merch and others only bring it up to pull attention back, and we agree to watch anyway because it’s fun, that’s fine.

but it breaks my heart seeing fans confused and heartbroken because they have to keep realizing that the vast majority of these guys don’t care about this server in that way anymore

1,528 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

the manburg arc being set during the transition from fall to winter like ok you hadestown over the garden wall bitch you really thought of everything didn’t you

1,850 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

#3

I enjoy period accurate costuming but people who get mad at inaccurate but absolutely intentional choices in period pieces drive me up the wall

2,773 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#2

the new minecraft lore is like:

there are no mobs in the cities. something is stopping them; something is either killing them or maybe even they know not to venture down there, that it’s too dangerous.

but down there, there are candles. there are wool pathways. there are redstone lamps. whatever civilization lived down there was smart, much more advanced than villagers. they had thick walls, and figured out that wool kept Wardens away, and made enchantments to allow them to run quickly and quietly. they had nether blocks, basalt and soul fire, and their buildings nearly resemble nether fortresses, or bastions. there were whole communities that thrived in spite of the threat, until they didn’t, of course. 

did they live in fear of the Warden? if so, why didn’t they leave? could they leave? did they try to make a portal to do just that? their cities are intricate and their floors are lined with wool that children could run across and stumble over without worry and did they whisper, constantly? did they teach children legends of the beasts that would come if they didn’t quiet down? did the children believe them? did they make candles on holidays and dare each other to set the skulk sensors off with small dripstone pieces? did they keep bees, or did they ration their wax carefully, trying to learn the secrets of redstone and soul fire to keep their lanterns burning before they ran out? how far did they get in their knowledge? why didn’t they leave? what were they staying for, what were they trying to find with that portal? 

why didn’t they leave?

5,025 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just. maybe I should be mad but I’m not. Wilbur Soot is a cunt and this was a story about suicide and blue sheep and sunrises and utah and I love that he took a deliberate move to make it campy and insane and like all of the most memorable bits from this stupid server it is full of heart! his mom is a fridge! he fucked a salmon! tragedy and grief render everything around them obscene and hilarious and the fact that this story ended in such a silly way is the ultimate fuck you to c!wilbur’s mindset that he is some ultimate dramatic evil. the world is ridiculous! you have to forgive yourself! suck it green boy! 

7,567 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[unhingedwomandiaries]

There I was, basking in the warm, comforting glow of The Great British Sewing Bee, when the whole situation started spiraling into a vortex of unhinged rage. I'd already fallen off the wagon earlier that day when my father-in-law pulled out this obscure cider from his prized collection. It would have been downright uncivil to refuse, especially on his big day. So I chugged the entire pint, leaving just a taunting inch at the bottom while the charred flesh of various animals sizzled away on the grill.

On the television, some dude was feverishly hacking away at his wife's actual wedding dress, frantically transforming the sacred garment into some avant-garde franken-frock for an utterly meaningless competition. And that's when my husband's face crumbled into a haunting mask of despondent empathy, as if he could somehow sense the tormented screams still echoing through the tattered lace of my own defiled bridal gown.

That's when the floodgates burst open, unleashing a torrent of verbal bile potent enough to corrode the soul of even the most hardened criminal syndicate enforcer. My mom had gone full-on bridezilla, forcing me to try on every basic Snow White number that existed and clashed horrendously with my complexion. I wanted to channel classic Hollywood elegance like the poised, regal glamor of Audrey Hepburn in her prime. But Mother Dearest was having none of it, taking a boxcutter to my gorgeous vintage style made dress so I'd be forced to rashly cobble together some monstrosity at the last minute.

And don't even get me started on the bouquet situation. That woman spent years as a florist, yet she couldn't be bothered to include any of the lush botanical flowers I'd specifically requested. Nope, just a garish tangle of wilted plastic ugly not asked for flowers looking sadder than a hunk of oxidized beef in a steaming puddle of stale packing peanuts.

Yeah, this is precisely why drinking is off the table indefinitely. The second that alcohol permeates my cerebral hemispheres, I revert into an endlessly looping cycle of aggrieved mania, ranting and rambling about the innumerable injustices perpetrated by my monstrous matriarch. Sometimes it's best to just stay sober and escape the emotional shrapnel of this lifelong minefield.

[amor-brooklynn]

𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔶𝔬𝔲... /~𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔟𝔲𝔯~\

𝕎𝔸ℝℕ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕊: 𝕤𝕞𝕦𝕥, 𝕗𝕖𝕞!𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣, 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕝𝕤𝕠 𝕨𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒 𝕤𝕜𝕚𝕣𝕥 (𝕚'𝕞 𝕤𝕠 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪), 𝕠𝕣𝕒𝕝 (𝕗 𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘), 𝕗𝕒𝕔𝕖 𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕤𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕕𝕖𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤 (𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖, 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪), 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕤𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕥 𝕒𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖 <𝟛, 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕪 𝕔𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕞𝕪 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕞𝕦𝕥, 𝕤𝕠 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕤 𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕠𝕪 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕤 <𝟛

---

dom!revivedbur, sub!female!reader <3

---

with everything that has happened, dream constantly tormenting your mind, Schlatt, the final ending of L'manberg, and wilbur. especially wilbur. your longtime lover. dead, deceased, you haven't been the happiest.

you lived with Techno and his horse in their nice little cottage out in the middle of the forest, but it wasn't home. not L'manberg. not wilbur.

his trench coats were the last thing you had left of him. the smell of cigars and cedar was a weird mix, but also a comforting feeling in your defense. god, how you missed him so much.

the old mossy cobblestone walls seemed to leave huge cracks in the walls the more you thought of it. and it hurt. anytime you would walk past ghostbur, even catching just a glimpse of him, it would make you want to break into tears instantly. the fact, and the thought, that he doesn't remember a single thing about you, that he's changed, causes you to run away to random parts of the world, usually though, you would visit tommy and tell him how bad it hurt. and he would try to help.

even though tommy was a bit annoying sometimes, you were proud to call him one of your best friends.

---

you were peacefully farming potatoes for techno while he was gone, he told you he had business with the syndicate. honestly, you didn't care.

you hummed a make-up song as you planted the left over potato seeds and picked the very last potato. you stood, hands on your hips in pride, you usually never had the motivation to ever really get up and do much, but today, you were confident. there was a feeling in your stomach that something was gonna change.

you were busy putting the rest of the potatoes in a dirty duffle bag that you had found by the bee farm next to techno's house when you felt a light tap on your shoulder. you were so deep into your thoughts that when you felt the sudden contact, you jumped and smashed the potato in your left hand, the contents inside splattering over the brown dirty trench coat you wore over you body before you pulled out your shimmering enchanted sword, turning to raise a sword at someone who seemed all too familiar.

no- it can't be-

you head tilted and your eyes instantly widen in shock and horror, your mouth suddenly agape, and you instantly started sobbing.

"wilbur? how did you- what-" you stuttered, too overwhelmed and shocked to even find the right words.

"hello, have you missed me darling?" he smiled as he took the cigar from between his lips and dropped it, stepping on it to put it out.

your hand clapped over your mouth as waterfalls, not even tears at this point, started flowing from your eyes.

you leaned into his chest, pulling him into a lazy but tight hug, and you took in the feeling of him, even the scent that you were already familiar with. he hugged back tightly and rubbed your back slowly with his calloused thumb. this wasn't something that you felt very often from him, hardly ever, so you took in the feeling and cherished it for as long as you possibly could.

"how are you h-here? I thought you- i don't know- died! i mean- you did- i seen ghostbur but- where the hell where you?! have you been here the entire time?! you scared me like fucking-" you rambled endlessly before he interrupted your on-running concern.

"no, my love," he said, pulling his hand up to your face and wiping off the tears streaming down your face. "it was more like a train station, but the train never stopped to pick me up, i seen you, all of you, but it never did stop. until, i saw dream, and- me i suppose? getting off the train, and then i was awakened." he let a crooked smile pass through his painfully perfect face

but that was the thing, there were no scars on his arms or anywhere but his face, a long scar cutting through the middle of his face, and a new white streak of hair that you seemed to notice instantly, and you lightly moved it out of his face. a light color of pink blanketed your face at the sight of him.

unintentionally, your thighs closed together.

he smirked at your reaction towards him and pulled you in closer by your waist before saying, "you really missed me didn't you, baby?" he whispered right in your ear, sending chills down your spine. you quietly whimpered and nodded pathetically.

he chuckled and rubbed your hip with his thumbs as you buried your head in his neck and continued to whimper helplessly. this wasn't how you expected it to go, this being the first impression you and him made after not seeing each other for so long, but at the same time, it was an understandment.

you soon pulled away and showed him a small smile before turning back and continued to gather the rest of the potatoes in the bag that still sat against the side of the house.

you shivered when you felt his hands grip your trench coat that you were wearing and pull it down your shoulders. you didn't think much of it until you found yourself gasping in surprise at the feeling of him sucking on your neck and leaving peppered kisses every once in a while. you ignored it, and continued to tie the bag of potatoes with some string that you happened to find in your pocket.

"talk to me baby." he taunted.

you stood up and ignored his words, causing wilbur to pull away from your neck, and you walked to the entrance of the house as you heard him groan from the loss of contact against your skin. you smiled to yourself.

"why are you so needy all of a sudden? you've never acted like this before." you remarked, opening the door to the house and casually walking in.

"well, i don't know if you've noticed, but it's been almost 14 years since i've gotten to see you, feel you even, in person." he argued, looking to gain even just the slightest bit of sympathy from you, to which you did not let show.

you laughed lightly, and sat the bag on the crafting table before writing a note, the words reading, "freshly harvested potatoes for the dear piglin :)" and sat it beside the bag.

you turned towards wilbur and gestured him towards you with your finger, him walking to you quickly. desperate even. and once he finally reached you, you were quick to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into a passionate, deep kiss. fuck, you missed his lips against yours so much.

you moaned softly into the kiss when his hand found it's way to your clothed clit and applied pressure gently, allowing him to smoothly slip his tongue into your mouth.

he slipped his fingers under your skirt and into your panties from the side and gently started rubbing figure eights on your sensitive bud.

you pulled away from him quickly to let out a moan.

he liked that.

he took note of your reactions to his actions, trying to figure out what really aroused you.

but really, for you, just his voice, the way he speaks, everything he does, is enough to arouse you in just a second.

"wilbur.." you said breathlessly, and let out a desperate whimper.

"what is it, baby?" he responded, whispering softly into your ear.

"i need you. i want you to taste me." you requested sweetly. you needed this.

his eyebrows arched in surprise, he honestly was not expecting that from you. but he obliged, and was quick to pull his fingers out from your panties. he smirked slyly and kissed you slowly one more time before grabbing your hand and pulling you into your room, and locking the door behind you. he released your hand from his grip and pulled his shirt over his head as walked to the bed, laying down on his back.

you stared at him confused and slightly tilted your head, silently questioning what he was doing.

"you said you wanted to me to taste you, so come here and ride my face, darling." he said with a small grin, and your face instantly lit up at his words.

you rushed across the room to your bed, taking your skirt and undergarments off in the process, a bit too desperate for him, tripping over your own feet.

you climbed onto the bed, your face hovering over his and you left a light peck to his lips before sitting up and gripping the headboard in front of you to help hoist yourself onto your knees, your dripping core hovering over his mouth. you were hesitant to lower yourself onto him, until he gladly did it for you.

he wrapped his fingers around your waist and pulled you down on his mouth, slowly but desperately, and his tongue got to work instantaneously on your slick, lapping at it like a dog, but, god, did you love every minute of it.

your moans and curses for him seemed to never end, how good he was eating you out, but no, this was just the start.

he moved his lips higher up to your clit, and latched on to it, sucking and flicking his tongue every once in a while to give you an overwhelming sensation.

you squeaked at the feeling and you were almost positive your arm was gonna give up on you, but you could care less.

you lowered your arm down into his brown, fluffy hair and gripped it harshly, earning a low groan from him.

you felt his left hand trace up your thighs and stop again at your entrance. you whimpered, a bit nervous as to what he was gonna do next, but also so excited at the same time.

you let out a loud pornographic moan when you felt 2 of his fingers slip into you, making a lewd sound that seemed to make him want even more.

the feeling of his tongue drawing shapes on your clit and the feeling of his feelings could have made you cum immediately.

and you practically did.

it hadn't even been 3 minutes before he got exceptionally rough with his fingers, and you basically screamed at the feeling. it was pushing you so over the edge.

you felt the knot in your lower abdomen tie together, only to unravel again in seconds.

"wilbur! i-i'm gonna cum! ohmyfuckinggod-"

you started rolling your hips against his mouth in perfect harmony with his tongue. and he slapped your thigh with his other hand, indicating that you could cum.

you screamed his name as your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you felt the knot unravel, releasing all over his face and fingers.

he moved your waist against his face, helping you come down from your high.

once you felt like you could move again, you slid off of him, as you watched him lick off all your juices from his face. he turned to you after and smiled.

"i'm glad you suggested me eating you out. you taste so good." he teased. "my little slut, aren't you?"

you whimpered at his words as you rolled over on your side and faced him, nodding frantically.

"maybe one day my whore can take some of my cock, yes?" he said, his eyes half-lidded and his tongue sliding across his canine in ease.

"i-i'd like that." you responded, and started tracing lines down his chest.

"good girl." he purred.

you moved closer to him, and cuddled him. he wrapped his arms around you and started drawing shapes on your back.

"do you want me to run you a bath, my love?" he asked, backed up a little bit to let you get up.

you propped yourself up on your elbow and rubbed your eyes, nodding.

he slipped off the bed and stood, holding his arms out to you, an invitation to get a free ride to the bath.

you smiled and got up after him, standing there in front of him, waiting for him to carry you.

he leaned down and gripped your legs and picked you up, holding your back with his other hand to prevent you from falling. he held you close, like a prized possession and you drowned cozily in his embrace as he navigated his way to the bathroom.

once he got in the room, he sat you in the tub, stripping you from the rest of your clothes and ran the water. you leaned your head against the wall, so thankful for him.

you perked your head back up when you heard him rummaging through the cabinets under the sink. you watched as he took out three candles and pulled a lighter from his pant pocket and light them carefully.

he then placed 2 on one corner of the tub and the other one on the other corner by your head. he then proceeded to go back to looking through the cabinets and pulling his head back out eventually, seeing that he had a bottle of what you assumed was some bubble soap.

he caught your stare and held eye contact for a while before smiling and walking up to you once more and kneeling down to squeeze some soap in the water, and you watched as the bubbles started to form.

he stood, placing the soap on the counter next to him, and with a snap of his fingers, the light went dark.

you could still see his silhouette thanks to the candles, and so you watched as he stripped himself of his clothes and stepped into the tub with you, turning off the faucet in the process. he sat down and switched places with you, him now against the wall and your back pressed against his chest.

you leaned your head back against the crook of his next a let out a sigh of pleasure and relief when you felt his fingers massaging your head.

"thank you, darling. i've missed you so much." you muttered to him and he let out a pleased purr.

"anything for my beautiful queen. i love you." he cooed.

you smiled, "i love you too, wilbur."

and you spent the rest of the night drifting to sleep on his shoulder in the nice, warm water.

he better not ever fucking leave you again. that prick. but hey, he's your prick right?

---

---

this was not proofread. please tell me what you think of it for my first time and please point any mistakes out to me :) sorry if it was bad <3

have a good day loves, and stay positive, you can pull through anything, i believe in you! <3

---

[albatris]

whenever I’m feeling disheartened and need a reminder that Writing Is Fun, I like to go and reread The Phoenix Building Chronicles because when I wrote The Phoenix Building Chronicles I was just following the most ridiculous whims and hell if it’s not the funniest shit I’ve ever written in my life

like look @ this. look at my narration. I just don’t care

also fourth wall breakage highlights

like there’s also this one conversation between Shara, Tris and Marrick that spans like two pages where they’re discussing the logistics of “glass half-full/glass half-empty” with regard to the time paradox they’re all trapped in (re that first quote)

and honest to god it’s my favourite slab of dialogue I’ve ever written ever because it’s just. so unbelievably unnecessary and elaborate i love it so much

my favourite part is when shara’s like “take this seriously!!” as if the discussion wasn’t literally about whether or not the glass is full of bees

anyway it’s under the cut (soz people on mobile), pls enjoy

“So we were just looking at this the wrong way,” Shara concluded. “We were all panicked because the world is in a constant state of non-existence, but it’s also in a constant state of existence. It’s ended, which sucks, but it also hasn’t ended, which doesn’t suck. It’s a glass half-full, glass half-empty thing. Yeah?”

“I suppose it is.” Marrick nodded slowly. “But there’s really no difference. Half-full and half-empty are literally the same thing.”

“No! If you gave me a glass and poured it half-full of water, I would totally appreciate that,” Tris argued. “But if I had a glass that was completely full of water and you just came up and drank half of it, I would not appreciate that. It’s perspective. It’s circumstance. It’s not just a glass in a single point in time. What’s the glass’s story, Marrick?”

“The glass could be a single point in time,” Shara said, “if that glass is at the centre of a collapsing multiverse, trapped in a paradoxical state of simultaneous existence and non-existence.”

“Exactly! So we’re back where we started,” Marrick said. “The glass doesn’t have a story. The glass just is. And we have to decide whether it’s half-full or half-empty.”

“Yeah, but hold up,” Shara said. “What is the glass half-full or half-empty with? Because the analogy only works if it’s something pleasant. If it’s half-full or half-empty with poison, or bees, then it doesn’t particularly matter how full or empty it is. It’s going to suck if you drink it either way.”

“The saying clearly implies water,” Marrick said. 

“Then the saying also assumes the person with the glass actually wants a drink of water,” Tris said. “What if they don’t? What they’re being forced to drink water they don’t want to drink? Then a half-empty glass becomes positive, and a half-full glass becomes negative. Perspective,” he added again, for emphasis. “Circumstance.”

“Yeah, that’s a good point,” Shara said. “Are you even meant to drink the glass? Because if you’re not going to drink it, then why is its contents such a big deal? No one just sits there staring at a half-full or half-empty glass admiring it.”

“What if it’s a really nice antique glass?” Marrick asked. “Everybody likes antiques.”

Tris frowned. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Take this seriously!” Shara snapped. “What are we meant to be doing with the glass? Why do we even have a glass?”

“Well, according to this metaphor,” Tris said, “we’re living in the glass. Which is great if you can swim but shitty if you can’t.”

“Well, you can’t swim in bees,” Shara said. “What if the glass is actually full of bees? We never established what the glass is full of.”

“Half-full,” Tris corrected.

“Or half-empty,” Marrick said. 

“Is this world,” Shara said slowly, “half-full or half-empty of water or bees? Do we want the glass at all? What if we prefer plastic? Does the glass exist in an infinite time paradox or does it have a story? Is it regarded by the majority of the population as a negative or a positive? What if one person wants a glass and the next doesn’t? What is happening?”

There was a silence.

“I’m pretty sure if the glass was half-full of bees they would just fly away,” Tris said. “I’m not sure why this is even a question we're pondering.”

[ibeewashere]

Strawberry Blond by Mitski is so Widojest coded

[carrotmakar]

first and foremost, a big thank you to @bopbopstyles for making this cute header for me!!! i am absolutely obsessed with it!!

hi!! wow this is crazy!! i’ve been on this site for a year now!! i wasn’t posting my writing yet when i created this account, it was purely for reading, but even then i had so much fun with everyone on here!! i really didn’t even expect to go anywhere with this account, i really just made it so that i could read fics that i found interesting and not have to continuously search for the authors each time i opened my browser. but now here i am, a year later, running a whole blog. it was extremely unexpected, but it’s been the ride of a lifetime and we’re just getting started!!

when i began this blog, i was completely focussed on tom holland and the mcu, but then i ran across some of the greatest people that i have interacted with on this site, and they slowly but surely filled my dash with harry styles content (hontent, if you will). they were tom blogs too, but they really liked harry as well. i was at the point in my life where i was still a harry fan, just less so. but it’s like right when i needed it the most, he came back into my life in full force. so, i began transitioning into a harry blog and before i knew it, i changed my url to be dedicated to him and everything.

i’d like to say a thank you to all the tom blogs that got me started on tumblr. you guys made me feel like i belonged on a website that i had no clue how to properly navigate. you welcomed me with open arms and i sincerely thank you for that. also a big thank you to all the blogs that, even if you don’t like harry that much, didn’t just up and leave whenever i changed my blog. (an even bigger thanks to those who didn’t block me haha). i love all of you to death and, even though i’m not completely tom focussed anymore, i still love each and every one of you and the content that you bring onto my dash.

also, thank you to all the people that run blogs that are focussed on shawn mendes. there aren’t many of you, but i love each and every one of you that have found my blog and stuck around!!! i love all of you guys so much!!

Another thank you to all of the people who have blogs dedicated to literally anyone else. there are some blogs that are obx, some that are harry potter, some that are focussed on hockey dudes, some that are mcu but not focussed solely on tom holland, some that are swiftie blogs, and so many more!!! i love all of you regardless of what your blog is about, even if you started off as a blog focussed on one person and shifted your focus to someone/something else!! 

now a thank you to the harries on this site. there’s a lot for me to thank each and every one of you for, but i’ll make it vague so that i don’t write twenty thousand words about why i’m so thankful for all of you. when i started moving from a tom blog to a harry blog, i was kinda scared. i was intimidated by the newness of everything. but every single one of you made me feel welcome in the community when i was terrified of not being accepted. now that i think back on it, it’s kinda crazy to me that i would ever think that. the harries that i interact with are some of the nicest people that i have ever had the pleasure of knowing. you guys have made me so, so happy over the past few months, and i cannot thank you guys enough for that. there are so many of you that have taken the time out of your day at some point in the past few months to say something nice to or about me, or to make sure that i’m doing okay. i love each of you endlessly for that. whenever i feel like nothing’s going great, i know that there are so many of you that will make me smile without even realizing it. i say a lot (including in this post lol) that harry came back into my life at what seemed to be the exact moment that i really needed him. but harry isn’t the only one that came into my life at that time, you guys did to. so yeah, thank you for that <33

i think it’s time to stop rambling because i’m trying my best not to cry over how amazing you guys are so yeah, there’s a little, itty bitty piece of my gratitude for all of you.

alright, i’m gonna tag my mutuals and yeah!! i’d like to say a big thank you to every single person that i’m about to tag because you’ve made my journey here so much better than i ever expected it to be!! some of you i just became mutuals with recently, and some i’ve been mutuals with for a while, but i love every one of you regardless!!

@bodejacketharry, @daddyvoldy, @niallsofficial, @glowunderthemoon, @fallinforstyles, @coveredinyourivy, @spendsmysantachange, @sweetteaswift, @burberryharold, @milfchrispine, @daysofgloryandlove, @taylorry, @fancyxparker, @calltothewild, @cloudystevie, @academia-harry , @taintedwonder, @its-marie, @sunflowers-styles, @wearethedreamrry, @5-seconds-of-mendes, @harryysstyless , @meetmeinfleetwood, @allyz, @goldenflickerx, @lonelyreputation, @thatkidwhodreams, @harry-styles, @fancyxholland, @fenty-styles, @mellowstyles94, @adoremp3, @pradaxstyles, @parker-barnes-af, @sleepybesson, @canyon-moan, @aquaticstyles, @froggystyles, @tbslenthusiast, @walkinyourainbowparadise , @sunkissedspidey, @emilykjh, @finestoflines, @outofsstyles, @harrysclementines, @helladirections, @greenorangevioletgrass, @havethetimeofyourstyles, @colaharry, @abundanceofsoph, @harryhoney-bee, @beardrry, @glimmerry, @meetmymouth, @wotamelonsugar, @zarriall, @duskholland, @guccixcoochie, @gucciwins, @gucci-hxrry, @ciggylungz, @uglypastels, @h0llandshalstead, @bfharry, @stellarboystyles, @theamazingtomholland, @peterplanet, @bopbopstyles, @berrynarrybanana, @ilovegolden, @fallinfortom, @tonguetiedholland, @t-holland2080, @parkeret, @softholand, @siennarossi, @reidingandwriting, @cunaeparker, @parkersbliss, @peeterparkr, @celestialblae, @spidey-sophie, @futurecherry, @marvelousell, @eeyore101247, @moonstruckholland, @yumings, @marvelousmain, @dreamytom, @worldoftom, @hsonesupremacy

i know that some of those listed are taking time off of tumblr for themselves, but i still wanted to include them <33 also, if i missed anyone, i am so sorry!!!! if we’re mutuals and i didn’t tag you, i still love you unconditionally!!!!

[rissynicole]

DTIYS Contest Winners!

I’m still reeling from how much love this DTIYS received, and so thankful for all the amazing people who participated, boosted, and sent me well-wishes following Parade’s 1,000th kudos. Once again, thank you so, so, so much.

I had an incredibly hard time picking winners for this. As in, I sat up in bed last night just clicking through them all, agonizing over which three to choose. They’re all so beautiful, and they all came from sweet, dear friends of mine. I had 10 entries and, more than anything, I just wanted to be able to award something to everyone. 

This is what I eventually decided I wanted to do: just as I said before, I will be choosing three winners, in no particular order. Those winners can request a 1,000—1,200 word one-shot. Anything they want, as long as I’m comfortable with it! However, for all other entries, if you give me a short prompt of your choice, I’ll write a drabble for you! (My drabbles usually go a tad over the usual 100 words).

Just to be clear, this is not a burden for me, and it is something I very much want to do for my friends. It might take me a hot minute to get through everything, but that’s only because I want to make sure I’m not rushing my writing. I’m going to tackle this by first DMing the winners to ask them what they would like me to write for them. Then, once those one-shots are done, I’ll start reaching out to the rest of the contestants to get their prompts.

Alright! I’m going to put this under the cut, because I got rambly. 

Without further ado, here are the winners! 

@kovablue 

(kovablue’s art)

Okay, I’ve absolutely not made it a secret that I adore your art, but I did not expect you to draw something for this DTIYS! Seeing my boys in your style almost made me choke up. They’re positively amazing. I can’t even narrow down what my favorite part of this drawing is. The composition, the colors, the way you drew the planet and galaxy in the background… it’s all so beautiful.

@cozymochi

(cozymochi’s art)

Cozy! I don’t even know what to say. You’ve been such a kind and supportive friend to me for so long. Also, your art is so amazing, it gives me heart palpitations. This one almost did me in lol. It’s absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t stop staring at it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, you 100% nailed the expressions on Zim and Dib. As in, you totally understood what I was thinking when I wrote that scene and drew it in the most beautiful way imaginable. I love it so much. 

@rllyaangrlly

(rllyaangrlly’s art)

Brit! My shitposting, zagr-loving, art-drawing, majestic buckaroo. Seeing your picture for this DTIYS seriously made my whole day. I love it to absolute pieces. Every time I zoom in to look at the boys’ faces, I want to start squealing. They look fantastic, and I still can’t get over how Dib’s legs are all pulled up to his chest. Poor guy has zero room in that ship. It’s incredible, and I am beyond grateful for your friendship. You’ve definitely made this fandom a wonderful place to be. 

Honorable Mentions

@0palite

(0palite’s art)

Opal! You were the first entry into this contest, and it really gave me the optimism I needed when I started to let my low self-esteem get the best of me. Seeing this scene drawn in your beautiful style really kept me going, and I absolutely adore it. Thank you so much for being so amazing.

@i-like-pink-lolzz

(i-like-pink-lolzz’s art)

Okay, I know you just drew yours for fun and not for the contest, but I really wanted to include you in the honorable mentions. I know that you really enjoyed Parade, and it really means the world to me. Your drawings, memes, and asks have been such a boon to my confidence lately, and I appreciate it all beyond words. You’re an incredible friend, Pink, and I am endlessly thankful for that.

@poppun-chan

(poppun-chan’s art)

I love seeing your art so much, Poppun. The way you drew the boys was positively adorable, and I’m still not over how soft and pretty the shading is. Thank you so much for drawing them and for being such an amazing friend.

@faithfulwhispers

(faithfulwhisper’s art)

Oh Faith, I’m absolutely in love with Zim and Dib in your style. You just have this way of making Dib look so sweet and charismatic, while Zim always manages to look like a smug little bastard. Even in this scene, you can see those traits shining through, and I think it only manages to add to the resounding message at the end of Parade that, with time and healing, things will be okay for them. This is such a beautiful picture, and your galaxy in the background is one of my favorites out of all the entries. Those shades of red are breathtaking. 

@reptile-ruler

(reptile-ruler’s art)

Your style is so amazing, and I still can’t get over it. The way you drew Zim’s and Dib’s expressions is so sweet, and I keep going back just to look at them. Absolutely lovely. And all the different shades of purple you used are gorgeous! It really makes yours stand out, and I love it so much.

@dana-chan-the-control-brain

(dana-chan-the-control-brain’s art)

I was seriously so thrilled to see that you drew this scene, Dana! I know you’ve been busy, both with fandom projects and irl stuff. It meant the world to me to see this scene in your style! I love the mix of colors you used in this. Seriously, that plum-purple color you used for the galaxy is my favorite color ever. And the way you drew Irk is gorgeous! The rings are perfect, and I think your interpretation of what it looks like is one of my all time favorites. Thank you so much, again. You’re such an amazing friend, and I don’t take that for granted. 

@ittybittybumblebee

(ittybittybumblebee’s art)

Bee! I remember following you ages ago, and seeing your art style change and grow is one of the most inspiring things on my dashboard. I can see your confidence increase, your characters get more and more expressive, and your color choices get more adventurous. This picture is so beautiful, I can’t even nail down just one thing that’s my favorite. The pops of bright colors, the soft shading! It’s all incredible! I love it so much. 

Thank you all, again, everyone. I can’t explain just how much it means to me that I have such amazing friends, readers, and people who fit both those two categories. You all mean the world to me, and I love you so much. 

[luvspence]

dandelions

a/n: i hate the winter! so let’s do a summer blurb

spencer reid x reader

synopsis: you and spencer are in a park on a summers day, picking at the dandelions

word count: 464 

master list

——————————————

you loved the sun

you loved basking in its warmth, you loved the way it made everything alive, you loved wearing sun dresses, you loved everything about it

and spencer loved seeing you happy

you and spencer were sitting on a blanket in the park, picking at the grass. spencer was eating a cookie while he rambled on about the grass

“about 1,400 species of grasses exist in the united states, grasses make up about 26% of the plant life on earth, and by weight, turfgrass is 75 to 80% water”

“interesting my love”

he got up and started to run toward another patch of grass, he came back with around 30 dandelions

“spencer reid what are you gonna do with those”

“you’ll see”

you started to peak at what he was doing, but he told you to look away and that it was a surprise. you figured he was gonna make some sort of paste or food for the wild life.

“i wanna roll down the hill spencer”

“y/n you’re allergies would be terrible and we’d have to dry clean your dress, not to mention you could be stung by a bee”

“a bee sting never hurt anyone”

“y/n your allergies to bees”

you huffed and got up and went behind spencer to try to sneak a peek at what he was doing, he noticed immediately

“y/n!”

“spencer i just wanna hug you” you said with pleading eyes, you indeed wanted to but you also wanted to see what he was doing

“close your eyes then”

you sat next to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, and your eyes were closed.

“that dress is very pretty y/n”

“thank you” you snuggled into his chest more

“you smell nice spence”

“did you know pheromones are actively involved in sexual attraction. upon release, they can stimulate arousal, desire, lust, even fertility”

“hmm so that’s why i’m attracted to you? because you smell good?”

he laughed

“not completely i hope”

you laughed and laid in his lap.

“y/n i’m done”

“can i open my eyes now”

“yeah sit up and then open your eyes”

you did so and saw a dainty dandelion crown in his hands

“awwwe is that for me?”

“of course my love”

he placed it on your head

“how does it look spencer?”

“perfect, absolutely perfect”

he kissed you, and when he drew away there was pollen on his forehead.

you started sticking the extra dandelions all in spencers hair, you were laughing, sticking the little yellow flowers in his brown curls

your smile in combination with the dandelion crown and sun dress made spencer melt, he pulled you into his arms, giving you a kiss on the top of your head

“i love you y/n”

“i love you endlessly spencer”

[captainjanegay]

Kasia’s Festival of Fondness - Holiday Edition ♥

It's super late on Christmas Eve (which is the most important day of holiday celebrations in Poland, just a fun fact dnsjjs) or early af on Christmas Day, depends how you look at it dhsjsj and I'm kinda in a food coma and having a beer with my brother. I've been thinking about doing this for a while and there's no time to share some love and affection than the Christmas times. So bear with my sappy self for a while, would ya?

This year sucked a lot. It's been the weirdest time all of us had to go through, it was filled with anxiety and worry and isolation. So now, more than ever, I'm so thankful to have so many incredible people in my life. People I've never actually met in my life but who make me so incredibly happy and brighten up every single one of my days. People who live miles and miles away but are somehow one of the closest ones to me. People whom I love deeply and meeting them was the best thing that happened to me. People who are going to get an incredibly sappy shoutout from me right now and will have to read through all my late-night, slightly-drunk but oh-so-sincere rambling. In no particular order, here we go:

@steverrogers

My sweetest Becky. I will forever cherish the day we first talked because it was a start of something beautiful. I love talking to you, you're such an amazing and interesting person, so smart and beautiful inside and out, so funny and supportive. Not one day passes without you making me smile by whatever lovely thing you say to me, by popping up on my dash or by popping up in my thoughts all of sudden (which happens a lot). You're so caring and sweet and 12 out of 10 times I don't know how to handle your sweetness. I love being able to help you with learning polish (and the fact that you're doing this is just so??? I'm in awe, this language is hell dhsjsj). I could talk to you for for hours or just sit in silence with you for hours and I'll look forward to the day you come to kidnap me :') I love you endlessly 💜✨💚

@hbalbat

I've said that already and I'm gonna say this again and again - you're such a ray of sunshine in the life of every person that has you in their life, Helena. You're so sweet and loving and you care so deeply about all your friends here. It's so amazing to see and being on the receiving end of your love and affection?? It's unreal 💚 I love hearing about your day or about your likes, dislikes or struggles. Even when the world feels overwhelming, you are always able to get up and face it and you're so much stronger than you let yourself believe. You're such a talented, artistic soul and I love you endlessly. You brought a smile to my face so many times and you were able to do this even when I was feeling so low and I'll forever be thankful for your bright and wonderful presence in my life. I love you so much, my sweet pumpkin.

@its-tortle

Luisa, my heart 💚 You are amazing and I'm in awe of you. You're such a beautiful force of energy, love and kindness and I'm always so incredibly happy when this force is directed towards me. You're such an incredible writer and every time you compliment my work I'm like "??? You say this is good but have you actually read your own writing?? How is this possible??". Your comments on my works make me cry real tears. And the card you've sent me? It's so sweet and I'll keep it forever, having something that you've actually held and wrote just for me is so great 💚 You have such a huge and loving heart and being your friend is an incredible privilege that I'll be grateful forever. Thank you for being so supportive and caring, you deserve all the good things in life and I love you to the moon and back 🥺💚

@buckybees

My loveliest Bee, you're so incredibly talented and both your fanarts and fanfics always makes me smile so much? You have the greatest ideas and I'm in awe of how creative and amazing your mind is. You are also so sweet and talking to you is always an absolute pleasure. And the fact that you're part polish makes me so happy? As you've once said, it's like we have this special connection and it's so amazing 💚 You're so nice and supportive and my heart always goes !!!! when you pop up in my notifs :') Having you as a friend makes me so happy and I can't wait for your card (even if it comes in July I'm gonna cry the happiest tears, just thinking that you've sent me one makes me so happy :')) 💚 you make me so happy and I love you loads 💚

@anna-wa

My lovely Anna 💚 I'm so so happy you're still puttin up with me even despite my fandom change and ironically (or not) I think we're now talking more than ever? And it makes me so happy? You're such an amazing person and I love hearing your thoughts and opinions. And you're also so caring and amazing. I've said this a milion times already but the day you've pointed out I probably have ADHD was life-changing and it really helped my mental well-being so much 🥺 You're amazing, talented and the best friend one could dream off. I love you so much and I hope only good things happen to you because you deserve all the happiness and softness the universe has to offer 💚 I love you a whole lot 💚✨

@farfromthstars

My sweet, amazing Pia 💚 you're one of my oldest friends on here and even though we don't talk as much as we used to you're in my thoughts a lot. You've always been nothing but amazing to me and I'll forever be in awe of all the kindness and affection I've gotten from you. I've became obsessed with so many things because (or thanks to, it depends dnsjjs) of you and I love how many of our interests align. I'm so proud of you and you're all of my all-time fave authors, you're so talented :') You're like an older sister I always wanted to have dhsjsj 💚 I love you so much and as messy as the 1d fandom can be, I'll forever be grateful that it brought us together :')

@ziallerslouve

Annika, my sweetheart! 💚 We don't talk as much as we used to but you're still one of my favourite people on here. I love that we can go for months without talking or interacting in any way but then we just go back to where we were and just catch up without any awkwardness (and for my weird af communication skills - or lack of thereof - it's the most comforting thing? 🥺). We have so much in common and I love that you always get me so well 💚 You're so great and it's so amazing to have you as a friend 💚

@mysterious-marvel

Milly, my sweetest! Every time I see you on my dash it puts the biggest smile on my face! You're so talented and sweet and I love and cherish every single interaction we have 💚 You're so supportive and incredible and beautiful inside and out, I'm so happy I've joined the marvel fandom and was able to meet you 💚

@metalbvcky

Mandy, you precious soul! 💚 We didn't talk as much but I love you so much? You're so sweet and kind and you always brighten up my dash. And the fact that you decided to organise a secret Santa event to brighten up this hell of a year is just so amazing! You have a huge and beautiful heart and I adore you so much. Also I'm soooo excited to read "Mercury in Retrograde"?? It sounds so incredible and since you're an amazing writer I know I'll love it :')

@sexiestvampirevictim

Lidia, you're an ethereal creature and I still don't know what have I done for you to bless my life with your presence. I love you so much and your continuing support means everything to me 💚 You're wonderful and amazing and nobody gets my uni struggles as well as you do fjsjsj you always make sure that I won't bury myself in a hole of uni-related self-hatred and I really wish things could be better for you but knowing that I'm not alone is really reassuring :') 💚 you're an unstoppable force and you can conquer the world (and you should tbh, it would be such an incredible place if you did) and I love you as much an many there are stars in the sky

@christmascap

Lauren, my love! I'm still in awe that you're following me, you're like the cool, popular mutual I've had and always admired from afar but then you started talking to me and I'm not sure what to do now? You're so talented and your edits and ficlets are so heartbreakingly good. I can't understand why they don't get more attention because there just so beautiful and everyone should see them. And you're such a warm and kind person, you're always so sweet to your followers and I bet you're so much fun to be around irl :') I know that no matter what obstacles the world throws your way, you're able to overcome them all. I love you loads and while I'm still kinda nervous while talking you (I don't even know why!! You're such a sweetheart! 💚) I wanted you to know that I adore you so much 💚💚

@hufflepufsh

Huffy, my little angel! You're also one of my favourite friends on here and even if were basically in completely different fandoms rn, I'm so thankful that you're in my life! We can go without talking for ages and they we just pop up into each others Inbox and declare our undying love and I think it's beautiful?? You're so amazing and we've known each other for so long and you're like a constant in my life and every time I see you on my dash it makes me so happy, even if I have no idea what you're blogging about dhsjsj I lava you and I'll give you everything 💚💚

@lepetitcomte

.

My most wonderful Mum 💚 I love you and I'd die for you. I suck at maintaining conversations but I think about you a lot. And I mean like a lot. I always send good vibes your way and when you feel a random warmness in your heart it's my vibes finally making it across the ocean. You're so incredibly smart and you've always been so supportive and kind and wonderful to me. Even when we don't talk I'm eternally grateful you're a part of my life. You've gotta piece of my heart and being your daughter is an honour I have no idea how I deserved 💚

.

Also a huge shout-out to @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier @ywecanthavenicethingsanymore @hannah-stagram @ceilingventclintbarton @lifeishell @reedstorm @justice-for-plums @samrhodey for being literal angels and brightening my dash with their presence and brightening my life with every single interaction we've ever had :') 💚💚

I'm probably forgetting so many people and I'm so sorry for that. It's been so long since I've started writing it in my notes and my brain power is getting low fjsjsj I love and cherish every single mutual and every single follower I have no matter if we ever interacted or not. You all make me so happy and you make my days so much more bearable. The unbelievable amount of love and support I've gotten from you warms my heart and it's going to make me burst one day :') thank you for putting up with me through this post and through every single day, I'm in awe you still follow this mess of a blog and continue to give me your affection and love. I love you endlessly 💚💚💚

[stepgazz]

//warmest days//lee jeno//

you love the sun; it soaks you with life. you love the light; its purity drowns you in hope. but they’ve never held you as lovingly as the cold, in the dark.

angst, fluff

(kind of) enemies to lovers

5.8k words

Your hand dangled off the open window, the swift summer breeze licking around your fingers. The sun veiled your face like a golden mantle, shimmering off of your earrings as they swayed, clicking melodically. The car rumbled down the road, wafts of a heavy, floral scent filling your lungs. The sky itself turned into a mirror under the simmering heat, and you looked up into it with a deep gratefulness in your heart. You hadn’t felt this warm with happiness in a long time.

Jaemin firmly held the stirring wheel with his left hand, rambling sweetly about how excited he was about the trip. His girlfriend was seated next to him, in the front, holding his right hand in hers while smiling at his ardent babbling with adoration in her eyes. Every time he looked over to her, Jaemin’s face would scrunch up with even more excitement.

Watching them, your heart would tremble with joy: for their love, for the amazing days ahead, for the beauty in all of these good feelings. You smiled widely at how full your chest felt, so heavy with life.

You could imagine what was happening in the other car, where the other boys were stuffed: Jisung and Chenle screaming the entire time as Mark drove and Donghyuck teased him endlessly. You could almost hear the vehicle vibrating with their laughter. The thought of Renjun fleeing from the chaos and deciding to move to your car, just so he could sleep for a bit, made you chuckle to yourself. The poor boy had dozed off on your shoulder, his face finally relaxed after continuously cringing at the soap opera happening in the front seats. You looked down at him affectionately, slowly coming to the conclusion that there was nowhere you’d rather be than right there, right then.

And as you peeled your eyes away from Renjun, they met Jeno’s.

Jeno wasn’t warm. He’d never felt warm to you. Jeno was scarily stoic and intimidating, you’d never seen any other face of his. The guys always claimed he was nothing but a gentle giant, but to you, he was rough and distant. Terribly cold.

Meeting his gaze was usually a bad sign. He had that power: scolding with his eyes only, shooting icy, half-a-second long warnings that made your veins feel frozen. That’s all he ever did, though; warn. His gestures were defensive, cautionary; that shield of ice was never low. That resent in his guard seemed to state his feelings towards you clearly and you never stepped past this line he was obviously drawing.

So, as you met Jeno’s eyes, you were taken aback. He seemed to have been looking for a bit, before scoffing at the contact in your stares and returning to his cold corner, his temple lifelessly pressed to the window. You remained locked to his image, following the sharp angle of his clenched jawline up the contour of his profile. Long, dense eyelashes casted a dramatic shadow over his eyes, seeming to repel the pleasant touch of the sun. Tension squirmed beneath his skin and you watched it carefully, with dangerous interest. When he wasn’t menacing, Jeno looked noble and handsome. Distant and cold in a beautiful way, like marble statues and huge, stone castles.

You turned to your own window, embalmed in the rich light, and closed your eyes to the loving exchange in the front seats. The breeze brushed your skin ever so lightly, summer staining your face with peppered, sunny kisses.

***

When you finally stopped at a gas station, the soft atmosphere turned chaotic almost instantly. Chenle jumped out of the car with a screech, running to the bathroom as Jisung calmly followed. Mark was rubbing his eyes, practically begging Haechan to drive instead. He gave in, not failing to mention that he was doing so for his own safety, not for “you three dumbasses”. Jaemin stretched with a content sigh, opening the door for his girlfriend, who thanked him for driving carefully with a peck. Despite the disgusted groan from Renjun (who was barely awake yet still outraged by them), you found it really sweet. And apparently, so did Jeno.

He sat with his arms crossed above his chest, a faint smile fluttering on his lips as he watched the pair. While he didn’t seem like the type to show tenderness, you’d heard Jaemin often call him a softie. So, as much as you kept your distance, the idea of seeing that side of Jeno often kept you awake.

“Awww, is Nono jealous?” Haechan slurred, puckering his lips at the boy.

Jeno’s smile faded instantly as he pretended to throw a fist in Donghyuck’s direction, who flinched apologetically. A slight chuckle left your lips before you realized, which made you instantly turn to Jeno. To your surprise, he resumed to a breathy laugh, curiously detached. Its calmness sparked something in your chest.

Chenle and Jisung returned from the bathroom beaming with energy, which made Mark whine in exhaustion. Everyone laughed at the black-haired boy as he pressed his palms against his face, defeated. With despair, he pleaded:

“Renjun please switch places with me.”

“No way, never. I slept like a baby the whole time; I’m not going back into that hellhole. I barely got out!” He pointed at the empty car, which looked just as tired as the driver. “Sleep there with your crazy kids.”

Chenle looked over, deeply offended, but Renjun didn’t bother to notice. “Plus, (Name) is a great pillow.”

You smiled towards Renjun when you felt him pat your shoulders proudly.

“Poor (Name) couldn’t move an inch because of you.”

The sound of Jeno’s voice rung in your ears when you heard your name. You turned to look at his face, which was washed in the orange glow of the sunset, and you saw a sly smile curve his lips. His black hair fell in velvety waves over his forehead, standing up in places where he had run his fingers. His eyebrows were raised in Renjun’s direction, who stammered under his gaze.

“Oh, um…you couldn’t?” his voice gave away genuine remorse, which made you puff with a giggle.

“It’s fine, you were okay!!” you reassured him by rubbing his arm as the others laughed.

“You almost drooled on her shoulder!” Jeno pointed at you, meeting your eyes while his were coiled into demilunes. You couldn’t remember the last time he smiled in your direction, let alone when you made eye contact.

Renjun apologized again, earning even more laughter through his embarrassed rambles. He eventually concluded that it was better to switch places, which made Mark almost yell with relief. The group kept talking in the gas station parking lot as vehicles came and went, bumbling by like bees. The sun was setting rapidly and the sky was growing more and more bruised with darkness, which soon made the boys decide to “set sail once more”.

But before you could all settle back into the cars, Mark stopped and called out for Renjun, who groaned and spat a “WHAT” at him.

“What if we let Donghyuck sleep with those two and we share a room?”

And to that, Renjun’s face lit up while Haechan’s instantly darkened.

“Those three won’t sleep anyways, it’s perfect!!” Renjun exclaimed with glee.

Havoc ensued, nonetheless. You watched the boys point fingers at each other alongside Jaemin and his girlfriend. Behind you was Jeno, with his elbows resting on top of the car and his chin digging into the meat of his forearms, the same gentle smile hovering on his mouth. Their voices, growing more and more frustrated, filled the haunting silence of the gas station parking lot, reminding you once more of how vividly alive you were feeling, deep inside your ribcage.

“Okay, guys, let’s just decide the rooms, okay?” Jaemin began, making reassuring gestures with his hands towards Renjun and Haechan, who were at each other’s neck already.

“Mark is right. Him and Renjun share a room, because they’re both tired and Mark needs to rest in order to drive.”

The guys whose names were said howled at each other in content.

“Chenle, Jisung and Haechan share a room. I think it’s fair for all of us.” Jaemin eyed the three boys, the youngest ones cheering around the eldest, who was reduced to sulking silently.

“Haneul and I have a room for ourselves. Isn’t that right?” He smiled at the girl, who nodded with a loving expression.

And before he could say it, it dawned upon you.

“And Jeno and (Name) share a room, and that’s it. Now, everyone to the cars.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach with sickening speed. The look on Jeno’s face showed the feeling was mutual.

“We were supposed to share a room!” Jeno boomed towards Jaemin, who signaled him to bring the volume down. “Haneul and (Name) were supposed to share a room!”

“Now, now, you know I can’t go with my girlfriend somewhere and not sleep in the same room as her—”

“THEY’RE DOUBLE BEDS!”

You thought your heart was in your stomach before, but now it fell to your feet. You weren’t only sharing a room, but the bed also. Something felt awfully chilling on your back.

Jeno barged into the car and shut the door with a thud, holding his forehead into one of his palms. You looked up at Jaemin; he sighed with annoyance before opening the door for Haneul, who hopped in elegantly. Mark stared at you, probably thinking you would get murdered that night. He took his own seat, separating you and the frowning boy. You got in as well, gulping at how cold you were feeling, all of the sudden.

You stared out the closed window the remaining length of the ride.

***

The motel didn’t look as ragged as you had initially thought it would: the building was tall with yellow, glowing windows like a bunch of friendly eyes. The dry flower beds in front of it only gave it some more charm, their dull beige highly contrasting the cozy maroon of the bricks. Other various plants sprouted through the cracked pavement, leading up to the main entrance, which seemed to welcome your anarchic group. You liked the earthy smell of its yard as it replaced the scent of the arid, concrete road.

As pleasant as its hearty quiet was, you didn’t get to enjoy it for long: the guys poured of the cars with bursting bags and started rambling once more about the rooms. You had your own backpack slung over your shoulder, holding the strap tightly as the boys zoomed past you and towards the check-in desk.

Jaemin handed you the key to your room with a reassuring smile. You examined the silver object, turning it over in your palms as you began going up the stairs: this little thing would lock you and Jeno in the same room overnight, and the thought made you squeeze it in your fist, as if it would crumble.

Suddenly, someone tugged at your rucksack. Your head snapped to look behind you, meeting Jeno’s glare as he wordlessly slipped the strap off your shoulder and tossed the object on his back.

“I got it—”

“What’s our room?” he cut you off.

Jeno held the eye contact stubbornly, like he was trying to make you stammer. The word “our” caused your hand to clutch the key even harder.

“25. 3rd floor.”

“See you there.”

And he sped up the staircase, disappearing past the corner of the next flight. You stood on the steps, baffled, as the rest of the group diffused around the mute motel.

***

You rubbed your eyes with the pads of your palms: they were burning with fatigue. Your entire body felt tacky with sweat as you sat on the single chair in the entire room. It wasn’t bad for a motel; you could manage a single night as long as you had a power outlet and a bed.

“Oh, the bed.” The thought came back to you unexpectedly. You were stressing a bit too much over that.

Your slight panic was disrupted by the bathroom door swinging open, Jeno walking out of the shower followed by a cloud of steam which tumbled into your small, already suffocating room.

“Okay, this is how we’re going to do this.”

You looked up and gasped a bit. Jeno stood before you, drying his damp hair with a towel. A black pair of shorts rode low on his hips while his upper body was fully exposed: waterdrops trailed down his clavicles, leaving glossy traces on the skin as they trickled further. His chest tightened with every breath between his ribs, which defined fine lines where they intersected with muscle. He truly resembled one of those beautiful sculptures; the ones that made you wonder what gorgeous creature could have instigated its creation.

But those pieces of art are as cold as their marble makes them. That’s their only flaw: they’re frozen through the meat of their own self, cursed to never feel warmth again. Therefore, Jeno fit the description well.

“You stay on your side of the bed and I stay on mine. It’s big enough for us to sleep away from each other.”

You couldn’t pretend his words weren’t hurtful. As much as you’d love to, you couldn’t hate Jeno back. He never gave you a reason to. On the contrary, when he wasn’t talking to you or minding your presence too much, Jeno was pretty sweet. Not only was he really funny (which was quite the unpopular opinion in your group) and kind, he was a genuinely pleasant person. He had a respectable, trust-worthy ambiance. Jeno felt intense in a lot of ways.

You liked Jeno more than you were willing to admit. But he never liked you back.

“Or…I could sleep on the floor?”

His change in tone made you realize how your face had dropped at his previous instructions. You shook your head, clearing your thoughts, then answered:

“No way. We’ll fit alright.”

Jeno met your eyes and nodded. There was thankfulness in his look.

“I’ll go see what the rest are up to while you shower, then we can go to sleep.”

You watched the black-haired boy pull a white, transparent t-shirt over his head and slip his trusty pair of glasses on his nose. On his arms popped veins while he ruffled his hair, settling the messy, moist locks into a combed-back quiff.

Something almost made you stand up and stop him from leaving. Something almost made you tell him he looked handsome like this, disheveled and relaxed. Something almost made you ask him to stay.

“Lock the door behind you.”

And he did as he walked away.

You fell asleep before he returned, in a bed half cold.

***

That coldness haunted your dreams.

You woke up to a completely dark room, with your lungs rapidly emptying of air then desperately sucking it back in. Chilling sweat pooled in beads on the back of your head.

You pushed your fists against your forehead, calming yourself down. You’d dreamt of something bad, something you couldn’t quite remember after opening your eyes. With each passing second, the nightmare floated further away, allowing reality to settle back inside your head.

The room was too big, too frigid for you to feel any safer. You missed the sun, drenching you in its spell of happiness so generously. You missed the breeze, that breath of summer carrying your exhaled moments to another soul. You wanted to open the window and wait for dawn right there, with your mouth agape and your skin screaming for heat.

But you sat between those white, ageless sheets and gasped like a dying animal in the winter. The air was still and empty, haunted by your nightmares, and the nightmares of other travelers before you. In the dark, everything seemed dead for long.

“You okay back there?”

Jeno’s voice was raspy and deep, but it sounded comforting in your frenzy.

“I had a nightmare.”

Your skin crawled at the word.

Behind you, there was silence, then a shift. The bed creaked under the moving weight as Jeno turned to face your back with a groan. You could feel him exhale deeply into the back of your head before lifting his arm.

His fingertips grazed against the throbbing skin of your temple, tracing down your cheek, then the side of your neck, shoulder and arm before lifting his hand and fluttering his fingers, as if he was shaking off water drops. He kept drawing this outline with an unexpected gentleness, growing more confident each time.

“My sister used to do this to me when I had nightmares. She’d tell me she was taking the bad thought from my head and guiding it away.”

Your body was limp under the contact. The spots he was touching felt excessively sensitive, yet every time his fingers left your skin, it ached for his feeling.

“It always worked.”

It really was working. In fact, there weren’t any thoughts left in your head as he traced your sides time after time. Air seemed to be enough once again, the dark wasn’t as dense anymore. And you wondered how you felt hot all of the sudden, when his cold hands were caressing you.

Was it really Jeno, behind you? Was his presence this human? Was his skin truly soft and his scent this pleasant? Nothing had ever felt this exhilarating with him. There was nothing but ice in his attitude when it came to you, so this new stance was bewildering. He had been hiding this tenderness from you and he would hide it again the next day, like a wound he was embarrassed about, but had to tend at night. Your heart couldn’t take the thought of Jeno being this kind to you once, then never again.

Your hand acted on its own, grabbing his while it traced the side of your arm. The tendons tensed his palm beneath yours, almost making him pull away. But he kept it on you, even flattening it on the skin.

“Why do you hate me?”

The words felt bitter on your tongue as you spat them. Jeno sighed behind you, a waft of warm air brushing against your neck.

“I don’t hate you. Go to sleep.”

He tried pulling away again, in order to turn his back to you, but you pressed down on his hand.

“Don’t lie.”

“Go to sleep, (Name).”

“Please, Jeno.”

His fingers dug into your meat at the sound of his name. You turned to lay on your back, the contour of his body winding next to you. You stared up at the celling, refusing to look at him. Still, you could feel his stare in your temple, burning holes into your head.

“I don’t hate you and I mean it.”

“Then why are you like this to me? What did I ever do to you?”

You weren’t even angry. Deeply frustrated maybe. There was an entire side of this man that you’d never get to see for some reason and it killed you to know that.

You liked Jeno too much to ignore him.

“I couldn’t hate you even if I wanted to.” He mumbled into your ear. You could tell he regretted saying it right away.

You were thinking the same thing.

“You know how we practically had to beg the company to let us go on this trip, because of our…image?”

Jeno started tracing from your shoulder down to your wrist with his fingers, breathing into your ear after each word like it hurt him to say them.

“You know how Haneul can barely walk down the street, now that people know about her and Jaemin?”

You nodded, still not knowing where he was going.

“You know how we decided to sleep in the middle of nowhere, in this motel, just so we wouldn’t run into anyone who knows us?”

He paused. The silence sprawled out over your chest like a dead, poor thing. His breathing sounded faster than normal, but your ears were ringing too badly for you to tell.

“I didn’t decide to hate you.”

Jeno propped himself up on his elbow, enough so he could look down at your face. Behind him, the window glowed ghastly, like a mouth full of smoke. The dirty light coming from the distant, white street lights lined Jeno’s imposing silhouette with silver.

“But I’ll hate you if I have to, because I can’t afford to hurt you with my real feelings.”

Your heart felt heavy for a reason you couldn’t name. His stare fell upon you like an invisible weight and you shuddered under it. His voice was twisted with an ambiguous emotion, ignited by something that seemed to deeply trouble him.

“Then what do you really feel?”

You turned your head towards his. As your eyes grew used to the darkness, shapes started gaining contour. So did his face as you could make out the bold line of his eyebrows, angling downwards to define his nose. Truthfully though, you didn’t need light to make out his face: time after time of carefully analyzing his expressions resulted in his perfect portrait getting inked into your mind. From the pretty mole near his right eye to the deep cupid bow dictating the form of his lips, you could trace them virtually, even in pitch black darkness.

So, you could imagine the blank look on his face, contrasted by a grave glare you could almost feel picking you apart.

Jeno sighed, almost pained.

“What I’m trying to say is—”

“What do you feel?”

You looked where you knew his eyes were. In the soft shadow draped over his face, you could see the sparkle in his gaze, holding yours.

“Those people will hurt you and I won’t be able to protect you. They’ll say bad things about you.”

“Jeno.”

“I can’t let them hurt you. I love you so much that I need to hate you.”

Time froze.

Maybe because all of the cold he’s ever shown you was evaporating with each word. Maybe it was all spreading in the air, icing over everything in the room, including the dripping seconds. His stare was burning, so were his words. So were his fingers, as they held your limp palm.

“Love is a strong word.” Your whisper came out shaky, as if your body was succumbing to the biting cold of winter.

“I know what I said.”

Jeno’s palm felt up to your cheek with gentleness, leaving explosions of tingles on its way. He cupped your face and held it like he had finally found something he’d sorely missed.

“I tried so hard to hate you.” You hiccupped the words, but there were no tears on your face. “I turned myself inside out trying to hate you, because you were so cold. You were so distant and-and indifferent. You were so far away but I couldn’t hate you no matter how hard I tried!”

The boy listened wordlessly, rubbing circles into your cheek to assure you he was still there, with you. You emptied your lungs of air, so tired of the tension they had been enduring while you spoke.

“I couldn’t hate you back. I couldn’t.”

Then there was a pause, as long as a thought.

“I’m so scared of what could happen to you if I showed you the truth.” Jeno talked so lowly, you almost thought a ghost had spoken from within the walls. You placed your own hand over his, holding it tight.

“Please don’t push me away again.”

And he didn’t.

Instead, he brought you closer, flattening his lips onto yours. Your mouths molded perfectly, within a second, like they knew how. His heat struck your body like lightning, trapping you under his clutch. As you kissed him, the back of your eyes stung with tears; of relief, you figured, when you realized that beautiful statue you admired with guilt had come to life before you, drenching you in a warmth you’d never felt before.

Jeno had been lying to you, trying to keep you safe. In the process, you fell for him anyways, which almost made you laugh into the kiss. But only hours before, it broke your heart to even look him in the eyes. Deep down, you knew you would’ve done the same if you were in his place.

The black-haired boy pressed his forehead to yours, tearing his lips away with a slick sound. His fingers grazed the side of your neck, then slipped over the edge of your shoulder to rest on your arm. Hot exhales soaked into your skin and you couldn’t bring yourself to rip away from his presence.

“I don’t want my life to ruin yours.”

You listened to his whispering with worry, as it sounded so broken with emotion. His tenderness was making you melt into his hold, but his words were curdling your blood.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Then I’ll be your little secret.”

You supported his face between your hands, your fingertips accommodating to the soothing sensation of his skin.

“And I’ll love you in secret, until we figure out a way. It’ll be the two of us. I’ll be your secret.”

Jeno chuckled quietly, you barely heard it. But you could tell there was a smile on his lips: he was relieved, too.

“Just promise me I’ll wake up tomorrow and you’ll still love me.”

All he could do was connect your lips again.

His head moved against yours, digging further into the kiss with a ravaging hunger as the tip of his nose poked your cheek. Your hands curled into the black, messy locks behind his ears while your mouth swallowed his heavy breathing like you were suffocating. As he propped himself on top of you, you gasped at the shift in weight, allowing him to slip his tongue in and meet yours.

The sounds of a languid, sloppy kiss filled the still-frozen air. He gulped down the mix of your saliva, sucking the exhales out of your throat. Jeno’s taste stained every corner of your mouth: the more you felt it, the sweeter it got. That intensity he radiated poured out of him endlessly, through his every gesture. It spilled over the edges of his being and soaked yours, overpowering your senses.

The flame of the moment dimmed slowly as your eyes grew heavier with slumber. You guessed so were Jeno’s as he enveloped you in his arms and fell on his side, his chest flushed to yours in a scorching touch. He held you so tightly you wondered if he could feel your heart squirm inside your ribcage.

Jeno unstuck his mouth from yours, breathing heavily into your hair. Your forehead found its place between his collarbones, separated from his skin only by that thin, white t-shirt that looked so good on him. You nestled into the warmth of his torso, aching to get as close as possible to the man you uncovered that night.

That Jeno that had been hidden away from you with an intention purer than imagined.

“You’re so warm.” You murmured into his sternum.

His laugh blew air onto the top of your head, followed by a heartfelt kiss.

You fell asleep with his lips pressed to your hair.

***

You felt around blindly with your hand, flattening the cool wrinkles of the sheets next to you in your search for Jeno’s heat. Your eyes fluttered open with panic when you couldn’t find any trace of him.

But you looked in front of you through squinted eyelids and found him sitting up next to you. The window behind him shone with blinding sunlight, outlining his frame like an orange aura, seemingly made of newfound affection. The sun had finally rose to save you from the dark, but you’d found shelter in Jeno nonetheless.

You blinked and groaned at the rays attacking your poor, sleepy eyes. You settled with your hands sprawled above your head, still admiring the boy which was now smiling at you.

Jeno sat cross-legged next to you, supporting his weight on his hands, behind him. You trailed with your gaze up his arms, watching the veins snaking up beneath skin and guiding you to his wide shoulders that stretched imposingly. His Adam’s apple bobbed with a muffled chuckle as he noticed you intensely concentrating on him. As you reached his face, a loving smile had formed on your lips as well.

“This t-shirt looks really good on you.” You managed in a drowsy voice. His laugh made your cheeks flush every time.

“Good morning to you too.”

You stretched again, your whole body shaking at the release of tension. Jeno inched closer to push some stray strands out of your face then kept his fingers tangled in your hair, petting it with adoring delicacy.

“Were you awake for long?”

“Maybe 10 minutes. I just like looking at you.” He sounded genuine, yet amused.

You covered your face with your hands, slowly realizing how messy you probably looked: you could tell your eyes were swollen and your cheeks puffy just by touching them. The purple crescents beneath your eyes were definitely obvious, too. You croaked out a slurred “shut up”, scrunching your nose at the sound of your own voice.

He laughed again, heartily. All you could think of was how much you loved hearing it.

“Yesterday we were in the car and you were sticking your hand out the window like a little kid.”

“What about it?” you teased.

“Your face was glowing in the sun and your earrings were clattering and you were smiling so widely and…” he exhaled heavily, in a daze, “…you were really pretty.”

You listened, speechless. Remembering how you accidentally met his eyes almost gave you goosebumps. Then, you recalled admiring his face in the harsh, natural light with a heavy heart, as if you weren’t allowed to, while Renjun sat between the two of you, deep in slumber. Was the thought of you what had made him clench his jaw?

Jeno plopped besides you, snickering at his head bouncing on the pillow. You couldn’t stop smiling as you placed your palm on his cheek, curving it around his mandible, feeling his pointy chin and velvety lips.

Touching his face like this, feeling his features beneath your fingertips so vividly for the first time was making your vision blurry with happiness. With his shield shed, Jeno felt           familiar and safe.  

You kissed him lightly, just to make sure he was real. His lips were soft and welcoming, savoring the caress of your mouth against his. Before you could pull away, he moved to trickle more loving pecks down your chin and neck, sucking pale, violet blooms into your collarbones and shoulders. His eyes connected the moles stamped onto your skin up to your face, meeting your stare before diving into another kiss. You’d drown in his love happily, you thought, as you looped your arms around his neck.

You whispered against his mouth, stroking his cheek with the knuckles of your fingers:

“You’re the most beautiful person I know.”

***

You sat on the side of the bed and watched him pull a clean, black t-shirt over his head. The muscles on his back tensed, tightening against his shoulder blades and curving into the dip of his spine. His hair was fluffy, bouncing at every move. Jeno ruffled the locks into a casual look, then slipped his glasses onto the tip of his nose, pushing them up using his middle finger. You’d told him he looked cute with them, so he decided to replace his contacts with the traditional alternative, just for you.

You got up and straightened out your clothes with your palms: a baby blue dress, as pale as the simmering sky, flowing down your body and stopping just above your knees. Its lack of sleeves exposed your collarbones and the fading bite marks on them, but Jeno had been careful enough to make them as light as possible. The urgency with which he made them showed he wasn’t fully satisfied, though.

He walked over to you and grabbed your waist, his fingers molding to your shape with yearning.

“How do we do this?”

Jeno’s eyes looked for yours with attentiveness, waiting for the relieving sound of your voice.

“If you’re not comfortable with the guys knowing yet, it’s alright. I trust you.”

“But what if I’ll want to hold your hand?”

You’d never seen Jeno pouting before, but the sight was memorable to say the least. You giggled and held onto his shoulders, following the movements of his lips curling into words with your gaze.

“You can do whatever you feel comfortable doing, Jeno. I’m not scared of anything when I’m with you.”

And you meant it. The dark and the cold, hatred and silence: Jeno had freed you of all of those, even though just days before he seemed to be built out of them. Jeno showed you the beauty in them, despite how heavy they made your heart. They no longer scared you, somebody had taught you there can be love behind all of them.

“I trust you.”

***

You looked in the mirror into the backseat, watching Jaemin and Haneul cuddle into each other subconsciously as they slept. Both of them looked tired that morning: after some noise complaints from Mark and Renjun, you figured why. The latter boy was also in the back seat, squeezed into the corner and fast asleep with a repulsed expression frozen onto his face as Jaemin leaned onto him. His girlfriend was cozily curled onto his chest.

Jeno was driving. An image came into your mind, watching his left hand tighten around the wheel. The memory of the other couple cooing sweet nothings at each other in the front seats caused a mindless chuckle to slip from your lips. You felt Jeno turn to look at you, surprised by your sudden laugh, but you stared out the open window as the aromatic breeze whipped wildly inside your hair. The sun cupped your face with reassuring warmth; it reminded you of the boy besides you.

But you were the one to be surprised when you felt his right hand clasp yours, bringing it up to his mouth to press a lingering kiss to it. His eyes were focused on the road before him, but his smile showed his heart was with you. You entangled your fingers with his instinctively, Jeno placing your conjoined hands on your thigh. You guessed he had been thinking of the same thing as he looked into the back seat through the mirror and chuckled to himself.

But you could only stare at the gesture of love, resting in your lap. After all, holding your hand was the only thing he could worry about as he spoke to you that morning.

You were both taken aback when a husky voice, riddled with disgust, spoke from right behind you.

“Not you two as well!” Renjun whined, discouraged.  

***