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moxfirefly · 3 years

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B D J O V for Donnie, Karl and Alcina? (yes I am in love, no I dont have regrets uwu)

My 3 loves? Well why not! And pls enjoy the ficlet styles I’m going to opt for when doing dirty secrets! This is a little long so is going under the cut.

🩸🍷Alcina Dimitrescu🩸🍷

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

A bit of an odd one here but she loves backs, like your actual back. The line of your spine, if you have those back dimples, ufff. She loves the shape of it if you’re on the more curvier side, she loves the skin, and your rolls, and any stretch marks. Just picture that elegant hand of hers ghosting over your back, nails maybe even claws.

On herself, well Alcina is aware of her assets and she’s very aware of her chest, both she’s quite proud of but she’s really proud of her figure over all.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There was a pretty seamstress in the village who always was brought up to the castle to help with her dresses. She was a pretty thing in Alcina’s eyes, very much her type. When your making or fixing or measuring a tailor made outfit for a 9ft+ woman well it gets tricky and a little more handsy than usual. Alcina didn’t mind, the seamstress didn’t either. It was interesting following simple commands even if they were asked upon her with nothing but grace and poise.

So as Alcina sat for the 40th time to have something around her neck marked to be fixed, she had to stand between her legs to best approach and see the mistake. Only sitting did she have the best chance at seeing her at a more eye to eye level (well as best as it could be).

She isn’t dumb, she knows curiosity, want and lust like the back of her hand. Sees the nervous swallow of the seamstress whenever hands glide across her chest. The whispered ‘pardon my lady’ when she rests a palm on Alcina’s throat and takes a needle to the neckline with all the gentleness she can muster. Of course it’s the moment to prick her finger, the quiet hiss and scent is enough to alert Alcina and without waiting for her to fuss she takes that bleeding digit and kisses it, tastes the bead of blood, all while looking straight at her. When she still sees lust there, oh does she pull her closer.

One of her maids walks in about twenty minutes later, an array of materials in her arms so she doesn’t quite catch how the Lady of the castle smooths her dress and tries not to laugh, chest heaving a little and legs closing a tad. The maid greets her with her usual honorifics before leaving the requested materials, she notices the seamstress isn’t there and arches a brow at the room. “Lavatory” is all Alcina says before the maid makes a question. She nods but feels something isn’t right with the current picture but still leaves.

Once gone.

The seamstress crawls out from under Alcina’s skirt, mouth shiny, hair disheveled and nice set of teeth marks at her bosom.

It becomes a frequent thing after that.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

It’s not to say she needs to because she sincerely feels she has anybody at her beck and call who is willing ready and able. But on the rare occasion she indulges in some self care, it’s mostly in her luxurious tub. Feeling the warm water, her hair clean and smelling of that weeks chosen fragrance, well it gets her thinking and thinking leads desiring and if there isn’t anybody she’ll handle it. Slow, she loves drawing out her own pleasure, loves to feel that rise but stops before it’s too close. She’ll do that, edge herself a little bit more before biting down on her lip to muffle a more particular louder cry.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Both. She lives for giving it and she loves to receive it. She is just, wow, so incredibly good at it, she’s goes about it in such erotic and passionate way and if you’re not looking like you are being possessed by the devil then she up’s her game to make sure that happens. You can squeeze her head with your thighs all you want, she’s built different lol she can handle it. Don’t yank to much on her hair though, claw at her all you want but easy on the do.

She’s had a few inexperienced lovers which she has to guide when they want to go down on her. She’s very particular of what and how she likes it, but she’s patient enough to teach you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

I’ll do you one better, https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRSKhUoh/

⚙️Heisenberg⚙️

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

https://hagelpaimon.tumblr.com/post/661063110466158592/i-wonder-wonder-who-ill-pick-hesi-baby-a

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) shout out to @imthegreenfairy88 for helping me out with this one.

The first few times he indulged in this he was very adamant in keeping it to himself and to himself only (with time and reassurance he chills out) but the first time he tried doing ‘back door’ stuff on himself he was very surprised about how good it fucking felt and every so often he indulged in it. There’s an occasion where he ends up in bed with some tourist, gun to his head he doesn’t remember their name but he sure fucking remember the blow job and fingering combo that they gave him that had him seeing fucking stars. He tensed up at first was about to say something but they crooked their fingers just right and swallowed his cock at the same time and words were out the window along with thoughts.

He was so far gone that it didn’t cross his mind that when he begged for another finger, he gave himself away and if their eyes weren’t indication of how delighted they had been, feeling two more additional fingers really proved the point.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

I mean I’m saying yea, he has to get creative with it sometimes so as to not get bored, but he picks up a few things he enjoys (he is creative after all) he’s definitely ruined his fair share of pillows, loves rutting into them. He has beat off probably in any section of the factory but shower is better for clean up. He for sure has done it outside of the factory, probably relaxing on a chair and if the weather is nice enough, it’s not like anybody is gonna suddenly drop by. He likes a tight closed fist when he’s close but enjoys a teasing touch to start things off, really enjoys grabbing his balls when he does it. Very messy messy boy when he cums.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

This man blows you like his life depends on it. VERY sloppy but it’s really hot, it’s how eager he is about it and how willing he is to suffocate and or choke on it. He’s told you to sit on his face multiple times at multiple moments of the day. He loves the taste of you, loves feeling suffocated by your thighs. You know what they about big noses too 🥴🥴

As for receiving he likes to dish out what he takes. So expect some rough mouth fucking, he will make you gag, he will make you all teary eyed cause he enjoys it. He’s fine with it without to be honest, he much prefers to be balls deep in you but if you enjoy doing it then expect hip thrusting.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Not super loud, but he isn’t mute. He groans and moans but he’s also a talker so expect a lot dirty talk. His voice drops in a way when he’s fucking you that it makes your toes curl. He’s all breathy pants when he’s close. Lots and lots of cuss words.

👾Donnie💜

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

https://hagelpaimon.tumblr.com/post/661063462078889985/b-body-part-their-favourite-body-part-of-theirs

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes the taste of his own cum.

He denies it, really denies it, just says it’s his way of cleaning you up after a nice romp but he really has a way of proving the opposite. Donnie has ‘finished’ on you in every way shape or form. On your stomach, back, face etc you name and each time he has cleaned you up he’s either wiped it up and sucked on his fingers or he’s just full blown licked it off of you.

And there is something so disgustingly erotic about that you haven’t or don’t want to call him out on it. You’ve gone down on his multiple times and he very eager to kiss you after your done. One time you purposefully left some on your chin and lips to see if he’d clean it up first but nah, kissed the heck out of you. His favorite is cumin in you and then going down on you. The first time he did that, it was enough to make your toes curl till they cracked and just as you were about to say something he was yanking another orgasm from you. The combined taste of his and yours release? Fuck now that was his favorite.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Does it and does it often. He’s not prudish about it, it’s free oxytocin and for a guy who’s convinced he’s never gonna get a shot at being with somebody physically, might as well practice some self love.

Loves visual stimulation but he’s really into audio stimuli. Likes those audios where he feels he’s there with the person or the ones where they give instructions. Donnie is really into edging and if he’s got the time and privacy he can literally edge himself for a couple of hours. Has at times managed hands free orgasms. Has made cock sleeves or basically fleshlights (ah ingenuity), can have his moments where he’s super slow and teasing about it, light strokes and all that. Can also have moments where he basically fucks his fist to the point of making some pretty obscene wet noises. If listening to audios or watching videos he really loves trying to cum at the same time as the person in the vid or audio. Has a bottle of lotion right on the desk but that shit is so cluttered with stuff that nobody has picked up on it and honestly it’s kinda funny.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

GIVE GIVE GIVE.

Oh my lord is he OBSESSED with giving oral. It’s such a big turn on for him. He just loves how intimate it is, he loves how he’s giving you pleasure in such an intimate position. LOVES over stimulating with his mouth, loves feeling thighs trying to break his head, happy to die down the suffocated in his favorite place, loves feeling a hand at the back of his head and pushing him in further.

He’s not crazy about receiving cause he knows his size is a challenge but he’s not opposed to it, he much rather get a hand job from you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Loud and not afraid about it. He enjoys the fuck out of it and is going to be vocal about it unless it’s adamant to be quiet because people are around. His churrs are really nice, deep but not as baritone as say Raph’s, but they feel and sound so good.

#tmnt bayverse #re8 village #donnie #heisenberg #alcina dimitrescu #lady d #lady dimitrescu #tmnt Donatello #Karl Heisenberg #lord heisenberg #tmnt Donnie #Donatello #ns*w alphabet #ask #dianounais

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chans-baby-girl · 3 years

Text

Getting to know me tag!

Thanks for tagging me @xpeachesncream @bangchan-fairy

Now it’s your turn!

@luminois @dilutedpondwater @crispy-chan

(You totally don’t have to at all! If you don’t wanna be tagged I would be more than willing to remove you!)

1. When is your birthday?

February 8th!

2. What is your favorite color?

Purple and blue

3. What is your lucky number?

4. How tall are you?

5’6

5. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I think it’s safe to say like four!

6. Favorite song?

Honestly don’t have one atm I’ve been listening to a lot of different songs and it’s messing with my choices

7. Favorite movie?

Doctor Sleep!

8. What would be your ideal partner?

To be perfectly honest someone who can be my best friend and we have those relationships where we skipped the awkward stage and we started farting and burping and crying around each other when we first started being together! We have fun every days a new adventure we watch anime together, they indulge me in watching k pop stuff where We can talk about anything and everything we watch vines and memes and I can take them to my family and they’ll play with my baby cousins and to me that’s ideal. I’ve always wanted to someone who can just be fun and genuine with me and someone who won’t judge me for my weirdness but joins in.

9. Do you want children?

Yes I do I’ve always been that child who carried around babies in a cart and I do a lot of babysitting and I picture myself being a bad ass mother one of these days… who knows?

10. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Nope I drove without a license when I was fifteen for the longest though and never got caught 😎…. Don’t do that tho that’s very bad!

11. What color socks are you wearing?

Bold of you to assume I wear socks to bed 😩 jk they are white with a black heel

12. Bath or shower?

Realistically I usually only take showers but if I had the time I would take a lot of baths

13. Favorite kind of music?

Alt., Rap, Rock, Kpop, Cumbias and Corridos (😩😩😩 for blasting in the car🤪🎉 ) but other than that I like practically anything

14. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One but sometimes I’ll grab another to put in between my thiqq thighs 😩 cuz it gets uncomfortable and I like having my leg elevated

15. What position to you sleep in?

On one of my sides with one leg tucked practically into my chest lol

16. What don’t you like while sleeping?

When someone takes my blanket cuz tbh I love being like a smoll bean and I’ll borrow myself into my blanket like a rabbit so if so much as my head meets the surface i get pissed like don’t touch my blanket bitch Im hibernating😩 OHHHH or when I’m sleeping and you shake me awake like EXCUSE YOU when you’re driving ima shake yo ass too 😭 I swear I got so grumpy when I’m sleepy

17. What do you usually eat for breakfast?

Chorizo or huevos con weenies y frijoles (Eggs with weenies and beans)

18. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes I have! I used to be on my schools team i was pretty good but it’s been years

19. What are your favorite fruits?

Watermelon, cherries, and pomegranate seeds😩🥴🤤

20. Favorite swear word?

Fuck or bitch

21. Do you have any scars?

Yes a lot unfortunately a few on my legs cuz I would fall off my bike a lot and more than I can count on both of my forearms but rest assured I’m better now :) ….didn’t mean to make that dark

22. Are you a good liar?

Yes but I don’t need to like lying at all but if I had to then I am good at it

23. What is your personality type?

I took the quiz thing a few times and I either got ENFP and the other times I got INFP so I guess I’m both intro and extroverted! I am the definitely the therapist friend! But I love making new friends and the only downside I have is that I have bad social anxiety so I don’t have great social skills. But when I do make friends I get excited too fast or I like skip small talk and start getting close and personal and everyone I met finds me to be too much and overbearing because I’ll rant for hours about things I love and people cut me off cuz my eyes get big and I talk louder and I start talking fast and it throws people off? But I’m fun I have a range of interests I’m family oriented. I love kids and have an ambition for teaching! I am a big risk taker and throw any rollercoaster my way and I’ll do it:)

24. What is your favorite type of girl?

A genuine girl and that doesn’t necessarily mean like pure and sweet but I mean they can have their spunk and attitude and their own shit going on but I mean the intention like if you intend to be genuinely real with me and not bullshit with me or waste my time then I’m game to be in a good friendship with you! And someone that has my back and someone I can have a laugh with because humor is one of my biggest turn ons in any friendship or relationship it sparks a connection for me!

25. Left or right handed?

Right handed!

26. Favorite food?

Enchiladas :)

27. Are you clean or messy

Clean!

28. Favorite foreign food?

Japanese food for sure!

29. How long does it take you to get ready?

On a simple day 10 minutes but when I have plans then like 45 minutes

30. Most used phrase?

I have a few that I say daily:

“What in the frick frack?”

“No you dumb bitch”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve seen everything, satan I’m coming down!”

And

“Really your mother pushed you out of her vagina just for you to do this shit?”

31. Are you a good singer?

Not to be narcissistic but I think I’m a really good singer!

32. Do I sing to myself?

Yea sometimes

33. Biggest fear?

That there is no afterlife cuz I’m not afraid to die I’m just afraid that ima die and all the things I’ve heard are lies and I’ll really never see my relatives that passed again.

34. Do you like long or short hair?

Long I love growing out my hair

35. Are you into gossip?

No I don’t care for drama at all. But if someone wants to vent to me then I’ll let them but I’m just not going to put my opinion out there cuz it’s not my place

36. Introvert or Extrovert?

Both it depends on the atmosphere

37. Favorite school subject?

Science

38. What makes you nervous?

People and crowded spaces

39. Who was your first real crush?

My boyfriend lmao deadass I met him in highschool

40. How many piercings do you have?

Currently three: two on my lobes and a nose piercing! But I’m planning on getting a belly button piercing, another nose piercing on the right side (cuz I already have one on the left) two helix piercings, an eyebrow piercing, and two more lobe piercings (one on each ear) all in due time of course!

41. How fast can you run?

Uhhh last time I checked my mile time was 9:54 seconds so like ten minutes per mile!

42. What makes you angry?

Racists, homophobes, r*pists, bullies… basically people who don’t have respect for others and things they can’t change. Ohhh narcissists I hate people that thrive on thinking their better than anyone I love knocking them down a peg! But other than that I don’t tend to get mad often!

43. Do you like your own name?

Yes I do but I recently started going by my middle name Dayzee! The reason behind it is honestly because why have a middle name of you don’t use it? Like why is it just sitting there lmao!

44. What are your weaknesses?

I have horrible social anxiety!

45. What are your strengths?

Honestly I think my strengths are that I’m a loyal friend! I’m also very caring and compassionate and I’m always supportive! What I’m saying is PLEASE BE MY FRIEND I NEED FRIENDS LOL 🤪

46. What color is your bedspread?

Navy blue

47. What color is your room?

Beige but I put led lights so it looks cool!

Thank you for tagging me this was honestly so fun!

#tag game #this was a ride #this was fun #plz be my friend #thanks #thanks for the tag!#moots⭐️#precious moots

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twilightofthe · 5 years

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Tell me ALL your SW faves

Aaaaaa thank you! This took a while cuz this got long, lol sorry! Aight, so here’s ALL my SW faves for this ask prompt list!

FAVE MOVIE: Revenge of the Sith. 10000%. It just has everything! You get to see the Obikin relationship in all its glory, first and foremost, how much those two loved each other more than anything and knew each other better than anyone, and just how much they genuinely got along and then we got our hearts broken watching them have to fight after Anakin made his Goof Of The Millennium and just oooooof all the feels about my boys! Seeing Padmé and just loving her so gotdang much for being strong and wanting the best life for everyone, all while she was so scared and had so little support from anyone, and just couldn’t do it in the end. Seeing the end of the Republic, how after a thousand years, just, *poof*, just like that in like two days (yes, I know Sidious was planning it for over a decade but still), the horrific fascination on how Sidious was able to do that. Just the brilliance of Sheev’s character, how you despise him, but how brilliantly everything was pulled off. The angst of Order 66, how especially after TCW you love these characters SO MUCH and then you gotta watch them DIE HORRIBLY BY THOSE THEY TRUSTED, THOSE WHO NEVER HAD A CHOICE EITHER. Did I mention feeling so freaking bad for Obi Wan and his Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day??? Because I really do, he’s so good and kind and we see his life fall apart and ugh I love him. And y’all, watching Anakin Skywalker fall from grace like the brightest angel he was, you hate him for what he did, but you still can’t help but love him and cry for him and his loss because he was so good, and he did not deserve all this to happen to him but he did it to HIMSELF AAAAGGHHHH. Also, Obes and Ani were at peak prettiness this movie!! Just asdfkjglkdskajsrlk best movie love so diggity dang much

FAVE PAIRING: Oh, how EVER will I choose– Obikin. It’s Obikin, all the way, no contest. I know I’ve yelled about it a million and one times so I’ll save y’all the rant on how much I adore these disasters and their relationship and how I think they’re goddamn soulmates and the most interesting dynamic in the entire Saga. I ship them romantically and platonically and just everything, they’re so fucking important to one another and that’s why it hurts so much to watch them fall apart, and that’s why I’m so incredibly happy that they get to canONICALLY SPEND THEIR ENTIRE AFTERLIFE TOGETHER BECAUSE FORCE GHOSTS HELL YEAH. If I had to pick just secondary fave romantic and platonic relationships, hmmmm that’s hard. BUT, I’m gonna have to go with Kanera for romantic; SWR was what got me back into Star Wars and one of my favorite parts of it was watching Kanan and Hera, how much I loved them separately, but just how much they were a team together and I love them and I was unbelievably upset when Jedi Night happened (and I still have a rant about how animated Star Wars kills off their romantic couples in the exact same manner, pls ask me about how TCW’s The Lawless and Rebels’ Jedi Night had basically all of the same plot points that ended in killing off a romantic lead). For other fave platonic relationship, gonna have to go with Luke/Han/Leia BROT3 (separate from Hanleia as a romance, which is probs my 3rd fave). These disasters were the original Golden Trio, they saved the galaxy together all while yelling dramatically and having each other’s backs to the bitter end (or, at least ‘till the end of ROTJ lol) and I just love them as a team so dang much

FAVE TV SHOW EPISODE: Okay, since there are four TV shows, it’s only fair for me to pick one (or more don’t judge me) from each! Let’s see, from The Clone Wars, my fave eps have to be the entire Mortis trilogy arc in S3 because Obes/Ani/Snips family dynamic, Force Shenanigans, BEAUTIFUL scene designs, Anakin angst, just so many good things oof, and also Dooku Captured from S1, which I just adore because Obikin snark, annoying Grandpa Dooku, Hondo Fucking Ohnaka making everyone look so bad at their jobs, I just love it agh. Whoops that was technically four faves, so gotta do four for Rebels too! Gonna go wiiiiith World Between Worlds from S4 for Badass Ahsoka Tano, Ezra being brave and talented, Sheev being Absolutely Ridiculous, and just the overall Force Shenanigans cuz canon time travel y’all; The Lost Commanders from S2 because Rex is awesome, Kanan angst, and really good Kanan and Ezra bonding and Jedi awesomeness, Fire Across the Galaxy from S1 because of Ghost fam dynamics, Kanan angst, more Kanan and Ezra bonding, and just good stuff, and Twilight of the Apprentice in S2 (lol what about my username?) for being creepy and cool and maKING ME CRY ANAKIN YOU STUPID THRICE COOKED TOILET SEAT LEAVE AHSOKA ALONE. *cough* Ok, fine, I’ll stick with only one ep for the other two series. For Resistance, gonna have to go with the latest ep, actually! We get to see Kaz being clever and caring about his fam on the Colossus, really cool designs for Aeos and its people, Tam angst, and just everyone shining! For The Mandalorian, it’s gotta be the finale, Redemption, we get Din name, Armorer kicking everyones asses and me loving it, BABY YODA DOING THE HAND WAVE, Din getting over his issues with droids and connecting with IG only for IG to FUCKING DIE, DIN AND BABY YODA BEING AN OFFICIAL CLAN OF TWO, Taika just knocking this whole episode out of the park with the funny scouttroopers at the beginning who still deserved the ass-whooping they got for fucking murdering Kuiil and hiTTING BABY YODA YOU SLIMY FUCKNUGGETS–

FAVE CHARACTER: Alright, look, I can narrow it down to FIVE and that is IT. I just love too many Star Wars characters, I can’t go lower than top five! Ok, so my four favorites are Obi Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa, Kanan Jarrus, and Finn Skywalker-Dameron-Tico (i SAID what i SAID.) AIGHT so for starters, a lot of my favorite characters in different franchises fall under various archetypes I have for faves. Obi Wan fits one of my more popular ones: “Old, reluctant and more than slightly-questionable parental badass with a mysterious past that makes you love them all the more when you realize just how beautiful and tragic and deserving-better they were when that past is revealed”. I latched onto this dude from the start when I just liked the OT (tho Leia was always my fave lol), and I wanted to know about him, and then when I finally started getting into the PT and TCW, it was just a steady stream of “oh no he’s hOT?” “oh no he’s sAD?” “oh no he’s nICE?!? REALLY FUCKING NICE AND A BIT OF A MESS HELP” and then I just totally latched on because he’s hypercompetent at literally everything and looks damn good doing it and boy do I have a thing for competence, charming as all hell and goes through so much and comes out strong despite the fact that fate hates his fucking guts and tries to destroy his life constantly and guys he tries so hard and he’s kind of messy sometimes and a bit of a dick and I love him all the more for it because he’s trying, none of that do-or-do-not shit, he is doing his damn best and deserves happiness and not Anakin tearing him apart. SPEAKING OF SAND MAN. Ugh, so I love Anakin to fucking death and that makes me REALLY MAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE MAKES EVERYONE ELSE I LIKE SAD. So I love Anakin regardless because he’s not your typical protagonist. He’s fucking brilliant, hot when he fights, is amazing at fighting and flying and building stuff and there’s that competence thing for me again, oh boy! He’s funny and kind and he cares. And somehow, this bitch manages to have the two most beautiful, amazing people in the galaxy in love with him and willing to do basically anything for him like the fuck?!? Jealous much??!?!?!?! I am!!!! He’s so fucking bright and it’s impossible to look away. He’s also a dorky, messy disaster who’s not good with people or feelings or emotions and he panics over stuff and doesn’t know self-control and is kinda really bad at his job a lot and pushes away the people who care about him and screws up literally all the fucking time and he always feels like he’s drowning and alone and I get to watch him crash and burn under the weight of it all. Basically, minus the anger issues and the child murder and the murder in general, I kinda relate a lot to Anakin. I feel like a self-hating mess who doesn’t know how to control my ow head and the world hates me a lot too. I can project my mental issues onto him, enjoy the good parts of him, live vicariously through the things he does that I can’t like be loved by pretty people and be hot and athletic and smart, and then when he crashes I can side-eye and remember that at least someone’s doing worse than me lol. So yea, I love this messy boi to death and he’s the one I get the best characterization reviews on, so I guess we have an understanding. Leia I loved since as a kid. I’d want to be her, brave, talented, smart, strong as hell and snarky to boot. I realize that Leia fits another fave character archetype of mine: “Powerful young adult raised for greatness, did not ask for all the horrible shit that’s happened to them, highkey wants a break and for the bad guys to just roll over and die, is generally clever, hypercompetent, and 100% done with everyone else’s shit, overdramatic as all hell and enjoys insulting people”. Her and Han were my first Star Wars ship and she just always made me happy seeing her kick names and take ass. She’s gone through almost as much hell or maybe more so than Obi Wan, she also keeps getting back up and fighting, she deserved SO MUCH BETTER than what the Sequel Trilogy gave her and you may quote me on that. She’s also gorgeous and I wanted to wear all of her clothes (bikini not included). I also love her relationship with Luke and I am so goddam happy it is now canon that Leia Organa did Jedi training and can use a lightsaber!!! She has a lightsaber!!!!!!!!!! Ugh oof I love her. Kanan fills the similar “mentor” archetype as Obi Wan does, but with a smidge of youth because he’s younger when he gets dropped into this role. He’s more of a punk, more of a mess, and oof. Basically I’ve said it a zillion times how Rebels resparked my love of Star Wars, but really, it was Kanan on the screen that did it. It happened when the Rebels season 3 premiere eps ended up on the TV and I saw it and I thought in order 1. holy shit that Maul fucker’s actually alive? and 2. Oh no sad blind Jedi man! He’s cool and mysterious and I want to know why he’s sad and who made him sad and also want to give him a hug!!! He was my fave character all throughout Rebels and his training dynamic with Ezra, struggling to help this kid all while flying by the seat of his pants because he had Issues and no clue what he was doing and no support and ugh, he was smart and brave and I’m so sad he’s dead and yea. Finn!!!! Last but not least!!!! He was my favorite character from The Force Awakens. People have said it before, but he was just so new, a rebel Stormtrooper stolen and brainwashed at birth, finding the good guys and fighting to do the right thing! Possibly Force Sensitive! Super duper cute!!! Funny and kind, dammit, when not many other people in the galaxy were!!!!!!!! I was so, so sure Finn was gonna be a Jedi along with Rey at some point, that might have been my biggest letdown when I saw TLJ, but ugh I just loved his enthusiasm and his war within himself, ultimately loving his friends and trying to do what was right at the risk to his own safety, even though that was why he ran scared in the first place!!!!! I shipped him with Rey and with Poe and now I am NOT above the post TROS Jedistormpilot shipping!!!!! Finn was just always the most interesting part of the Sequel Trilogy for me and I personally feel like they could have done more with his character.

FAVE ACTOR/ACTRESS: Aight, so I try my best not to “stan” anyone famous because literally no one is perfect and everyone’s done something problematic at some point and if I dare say I like a famous figure, someone’s gonna find something about them and come after me all “OMG THIS PERSON DID/SAID/IS X YOU MONSTER GO DIE!!11!!1″. In terms of performance, I think all the actors in Star Wars did a lovely job and I’m happy with all of them! If I had to crush on any, it would probs be Ewan McGregor, John Boyega, or Diego Luna cuz, uh, they hot. If I had to pick one I liked most, it would honestly probs be Carrie Fisher. Maybe that’s just partially from missing her now that she’s gone, but I really admire her advocacy and transparence for mental health, and she just seemed like such a funny, kind, strong person.

FAVE PLANET: Aight, this is HARD and I refuse to only pick one planet! Ok, gonna start off with Coruscant because an endless city planet made up of lights is amazingly gorgeous and it has a Jedi Temple stacked on top of a Sith Temple and is just so cool aaaaa. Also love Felucia just for being so bright and colorful and pretty. Mortis for being just as weirdly gorgeous and also Weird Force Shit. Lothal for the beautiful mountains, the wolves, and the fucking lightspeed center of the planet passage what, Dathomir is delightfully creepy to look at, Crait is really cool with the salt and the red and the ice foxes, Kashyyyk because Wookiees and it’s pretty and I love their treehouses. Basically if it makes me clap my dumb monkey hands and go “oooh pretty!”, I love it. The more “not like Earth” it is, the more I love it.

FAVE SPECIES: Hmmmmm, this is a tough one……. There’s just so many cool-looking species that we know so little about, ya know? I wanna say either Togrutas or Wookiees. Togrutas just because the character design is incredible and so fun to work with and also I love Ahsoka, and Wookiees because they have such an interesting culture and backstory and also I want to give Chewbacca a hug.

FAVE CONCEPT: Uhhh, not quite sure I get the question; you mean like just story concept in general? If that’s it, I’m gonna have to go with just the whole concept of the Force and the Jedi in general. I mean George, George my man, what the fuck? How the hell did you come up with this?!? Mystical psychic space wizards with magic abilities to connect with and use the sentient godlike life force that combined the entire galaxy together. Oh and also they have COLORFUL GLOWING LASER SWORDS?!?!? It’s honestly one of the most creative things I’ve seen in popular culture, and that makes me sad that Star Wars now seems to be trying to separate itself from what I think is its most interesting quality because “ugh not EVERYTHING should be about the Jedi guys!”, when like, y’all, without the Jedi, the entire SW universe is basically just another military scifi war story…… Just my opinion tho.

FAVE SHIP: Ok, since pairing was already up there, I assume this means actual ship? Well, uh, gonna have to be square with y’all, I’m a bad Star Wars fan for this part; I’ve never been the one to memorize ship names and designs and know the exact make and model number of some fancy ship, I’m real bad at that lol. I’ll say my favorite ship is the Ghost. Hera flies it and the Rebels Fam lives on it and it’s super cool and it makes me happy!

FAVE WEAPON: LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABER. Y’all, c’mon, what did you think I was gonna pick? xD Lizard brain want glowy shiny colorful big stick that goes whoosh!

FAVE BACKGROUND EXTRA: Again, not entirely sure what this means, but do you mean fave background character? If so, then it’s a tie between Wilrow Hood and his ice cream machine for the memes, that one clone in TCW who yeets a plate of toast at Cad Bane’s face, or that one background soldier who scoots between Han and Leia arguing in ESB and also Hera and Kanan arguing in Rebels (yes I do headcanon it’s the same guy lol)

FAVE MOMENT/SCENE: This one’s actually pretty easy. Anakin dying in Luke’s arms in ROTJ, and then his ghost showing up to Luke later at the Ewok party. I just care so ridiculously much about stupid Anakin and his stupid story and mistakes, and even before I was a prequels stan and had only seen the OT (and wasn’t a huge Vader fan, believe it or not), some part of me just felt so solemn, so fragile watching this, watching the giant monstrous machine falling apart as he fades away to reveal a weary, tired old human man, and it always made me wonder, what the hell happened to him to turn him into that thing? Seeing that young, beautiful man, basically Luke’s age, showing up as a ghost later, just the fascination, the tender look he shared with Old Ben, just how young he was, that made it all the more mysterious and knowing what I do now, it’s just so much better because my poor, horrible Disaster Man finally did the right thing and he finally found peace and it’s just the only ending I could be happy for Anakin with, And Luke, I always felt so bad for Luke, being so strong, so brave, finally getting his father back for like five damn minutes and then having to lose him again and just hurting for him but also knowing that it was gonna be okay because Luke had more family now, the ghosts, and Han and Leia and Chewie and R2 and 3PO and Lando and everyone.

FAVE KISS: Luke and Leia (HANG ON LET ME SPEAK) forehead kiss in The Last Jedi. I know (this one) isn’t meant as romantic, and I know the question is probs about a romantic one and I know that it’s not even a real mouth kiss. But. That Luke and Leia scene was my favorite part of the entire movie. Again, I was missing Carrie a lot, and ugh, after all these years, after not getting to interact the entire previous movie and not at all during this movie, the ONE scene with Carrie and Mark and the pure emotion of it all just knocked me out of my fucking seat. You could see how connected they were as siblings, how much Leia had missed Luke, how much he had missed her and how sorry he was for leaving, sorry for Ben, sorry for having to leave her again now, Leia knowing Luke was about to die, and just, acceptance. Love and acceptance. It was just a final, tender kiss on the forehead, and it was perfect and yeah. If I do have to pick a romantic lip smooch, it’s probably the Hanleia classic “scoundrel” kiss in Empire Strikes Back. I still remember watching ESB the first time as a KID and being all eeeeeeee are they gonna– YES they kissed they kissed they kissed finally! and that’s enough for me.

FAVE FIGHT: Obi Wan and Anakin on Mustafar in Revenge of the Sith. WIthout question. It’s brilliantly and precisely choreographed to show the intricate nuances of the Obikin breakup in alllllll of its painful glory. It breaks my heart every time I watch it because every time I watch it I still hope it’s gonna end differently. That Anakin realizes he can’t kill Obi Wan and ditches Sidious and goes back with Obi Wan to save Padmé. That Obi Wan realizes he can’t let Anakin die and saves him from burning and from Sidious and takes him back too. That Obi Wan at least puts Anakin out of his misery which would be godawful painful, but would save him from the horrid life as Vader. That while they’re fighting, a lava monster appears like in the concept art and Vader and Obi Wan have to put aside their differences and fight the thing and remember how much they mean to each other. But ugh, this fight was beautifully choreographed and was originally supposed to be a MULTI-MINUTE SINGLE SHOT WHAT THE HELL??? Oooof Hayden and Ewan did such an amazing job and the whole thing just rips my heart out every time in the bestworst way possible

FAVE LINE OF DIALOGUE: Now THIS is hard, I’m not the best at picking favorite lines. Hmmm, this is HARD. Let me think. Gahhhh, it’s hard because I have so many lines I like and I can’t even just narrow down a couple!!! Ultimately, it’s probably gonna be Yoda’s monologue from Empire Strikes Back: “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter…” Just that entire line saying how basically all of us are more than the sum of our parts, that everyone is their own sparkling light made of stardust, I loved it as a kid and I love it now.

FAVE BOOK/COMIC: Answered here

FAVE HERO: Gonna go with Obi Wan! I already rambled about why I love him, but y’all……. I love him.

FAVE VILLAIN: Anakin Skywalker/Darth McFucking Vader. I loved him when he was a hero and the silly poor sad boy makes me sad when I see him as a villain all while being an overdramatic asshole and it just makes me wanna hit him with a newspaper for ruining his life and everyone else’s I love him.

FAVE OUTFIT: Answered here

FAVE CREATURE: I love Lothcats/Tookas! I just heckin’ love cats and now there’s spACE KITTIES WITH SUPER FOOFY TAILS AND BIG EARS OMG Y’ALL I LOVE THEM I JUST REALLY DO AND I REALLY WANT ONE SO I CAN CUDDLE IT ;_;

WHEW. That was all of the faves, thanks so much for asking me!!! Sorry this took so long to do, this was kinda a hell week haha!

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deckerstarwrites · 5 years

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wanted plots for my 1x1 blog @mostpxculiar as well as fcs I’d like to play/play opposite to. please like this post, or dm me if you’d like to discuss any of these plots further! tw: nsfw/smut plots cheating, pregnancy, murder/blood, under the cut.

plots i want, but also please come at me with plots YOU want!

a plot based off of fleabag/hot priest from fleabag

someone should give me a plot with this big bad gang leader and his super soft and cute girlfriend that has him wrapped around her finger. like he’s a feared man, which she doesn’t really care about. and she’s there to patch him up and while he usually tries to hide her away from the cruel world he’s in whenever he isn’t there with her, she just patiently waits for him when he’s out and about doing his business and he’s so fascinated by her and no matter how much of a bad guy he is, he’s just so soft for her and he’d do anything for her!!! and then his most precious possession gets kidnaped and shit goes down snsnsns (m/f, f/f)

f/f plot where a snobby, graceful, poised and rich prima ballerina falls in love with a reckless pole dancer who is super hot with a 6 pack and colourful hair and the girls are total polar opposites pls hmu

a plot where muse a just needs to get away from everything so she packs up everything into her small shitty car that barley runs and just drives. she loses count of the boarders she crossed until she lands right into the middle of a small town where the population is like 2 thousand and her car breaks down. so she goes into a diner that she sees is open and she asks about a mechanic so the lady in the diner calls up her friend who happens to be muse b, the local mechanic. so muse b comes over and tells her that he wont be able to check her car out until morning bc its like 10 pm now so muse a is going to check into a motel or smth but muse b offers to put her up for the night and bc shes broke she says yeah and basically they end up banging with the intention that after tomorrow they are never gonna see each other again - wrong. muse b goes down to his shop and looks at the engine and a really important parts gone in it and its going to take a couple weeks for it to come in and basically muse a has to stay in this shitty small town for the next couple of weeks AND THEY FALL FOR EACH OTHER AND WE CAN FIGURE THE REST OUT! (m/f, f/f)

I really want a one night stand where she snuck out before he woke up and he tried looking her up but he didn’t even know her full name, so he moved on. Move on years down the road and he’s just gotten engaged and at the engagement part he’s introduced to her sister that’s been living overseas for the past few days, but who is it, that girl from all those years ago. Better yet, meet her child, wait, why do they his eyes.

modern hades and persephone where persephone is a tired college student and when she finds out the god of the underworld wants to make her his bride she’s like “become queen of the dead AND never have to go to an 8 AM lecture again, not to mention watch with popcorn as my ex dies and finds out my new boyfriend is his new king? YES PLZ” and just fucking swandives down into the underworld and hades is like “…i had a carriage prepared but okay that works too”

plot three. six months ago he let the nanny give him head. he has been avoiding talking to her since, and is really flustered. she is a full time, live in nanny in their giant mansion. i’m getting a ‘living in england’ vibe, but i’m not sure. he has 3-4 kids running around with his wife of years. the nanny can’t stand the wife, but is obviously polite. his wife is bitchy, whiny, and all she cares is about appearances. who cares if you’re actually happy? just play happy. pretend to be happy. the nanny loves to fluster him when the wife isn’t home. she’ll wear short outfits, lean over, not wear underwear, forget to wear a bra. it was a holiday. so they invited the nanny to eat dinner with them. she starts rubbing him under the table. later on that day, he pulls the nanny to the side into the bathroom or something to tell her that she had to cut it out and that it was a one time thing. out of the blue - he kisses her hard. just give me lots of behind the wives back, and maybe she gets pregnant down the line?

ok but i need a plot where there’s these two idiots who are roommates, and they bicker and act like a married couple constantly, and can hang out like bros but they’re completely platonic, no we’re not in love that’s preposterous!! and it’s so evident that they’re into each other like whenever one goes out on a date, the other is all bitter like ‘no i’m definitely not jealous’. and they like leave bars together at some stupidly early hour and their friends tease them and they just go home and get drunk together instead. and like domestic washing the dishes and fighting over who does what and flinging soap at each other. and then one day it kind of just clicks, you know, like wow you’re my best friend but i think i might love you as more this is so difficult and just, give this to me now. (m/f, f/f)

not to be dramatic or anything but i really want a sugar daddy/sugar baby plot where the muse a is “ happily ” married ceo of a big company with shit tons of money and muse a goes out to a local bar just to chill when they meet muse b. ofc they hit it off and go in muse a’s car and fuck all night and in the morning muse a offers muse b a proposition, if muse b agrees to be muse a’s mistress then muse a will give muse b anything they want starting their sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship. it’s all good until muse a sees muse b all over another guy and looses it and gets into a huge fight with muse b that ends with muse a fucking muse b up against his car and yea gimmie this smut i need sneaky around and sexting while around his wife nd getting him riled up like yes pls thank

bloody , murderous & psychotic couples who love killing people for the thrill and make out with bloody lips and high five each other by the mountains of dead bodies they made . fuckyeah ? give me this crazy shit . serial killer couples . vampire couples . dark romeo & juliet couples . modern au persephone & hades couples . couples who compete to see who kills the most or the most gruesome . give me gore . give me bloodshed . GIVE IT TO ME ! (m/f, f/f) (focusing a lot on hades/persephone, vampires but willing to go the bonnie and clyde or serial killer route)

no offense but i need a messy exes plot where they can’t get over one another no matter what they do and they always tell themselves they’re not gonna go back to them yet every time they get done with a date they end up knocking on the other person’s door and just jealousy and angst and heartbreak and crying because they don’t know if this is ever going to work out but they can’t walk away because this person is still their whole fucking world and they don’t know how to move on (m/f, f/f)

faceclaims I’d like to play and play against or both but also literally come at me with your fcs!!!

Inbar Lavi

Tom Ellis

Lauren German

Sophia Bush

Trevante Rhodes

Zoe Saldana

Madelaine Petsch

Camila Mendes

Lesley Ann Brandt

Manny Montana

Diane Guerrero

Adria Arjona

Ana De Arms

Aisha Dee

Chris Evans

Ryan Gosling

John Krazinski

Matt Czuchry

Lana Condor

Elizabeth Lail

Anya Charlotra

Victoria Pedretti

Zazie Beetz

Shay Mitchell

Candice Patton

Margot Robbie

Florence Pugh

Lucy Liu

Jodie Comer

Katie Mcgrath

Justin Baldoni

Indya Moore

Oscar Isaac

Matthew Daddario

Tessa Thompson

#[[wanted plot]]#[[wanted opposite]]#[[wanted fc]]#1x1 rp #1x1

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irepookie · 6 years

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Wake up Call, Infinity Ch.3

Summary: QUEEN AU WHERE ROGER (ROWAN)IS A19 YEAR OLD SINGLE DAD TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THE WORLD OF MUSIC

WARNINGS: iNTENSE FLUFF AND SOME SWEARING

Chapter 3: Row has to start stepping out of the bubble him and his daughter have been living in while in the safety of the hospital, and break the news to his best friends.

John- Rick

Fred-Len

Bri- Terry

Rog- Rowan

When Row had hung up on Len mid sentence, the boys had been confused. Then again, he was at his mom's house and they had heard her infamous shout of <<ROWAN EUGENE QUEEN>> that always preceded an argument, so they let it go. But then he didn't turn up to rehearsal, or called back for the rest of the afternoon. Or the following afternoon. Or for rest of the week. And that was unlike him. He always called back. (Well, most of his former one night stands would disagree with this). Let's just say he always called his band mates back. Sometimes drunk, at 4 AM, Thus leaving a wakeful Terry with 2 hours to spare nothing to do but to start revising for whatever exam he had ahead.

So, when they didn't know of him, they went directly to the village's police station, to see if he was locked up, and if not, to report him missing.

"What if we ask Gina?" Rick suggested

"I'd rather check the morgue first, thanks" Len said.

"Well, what else can we do? Huh?"

"Audition new drummers"

"Seriously boys. Let's go."

They knocked on Row's childhood home. Gina opened, with messy hair, a dressing gown and slippers

"Oh, hello boys. He ain't here" she took a drag of the 4th cigarette she had smoked that day despite it only being 8:30 AM.

"Where is he?"

"He isn't at home?"

"We've checked and there's no track of him. We haven't seen him in 7 days"

She sighed "in the hospital, I think. If he hasn't left already"

"Hospital?" All three said simultaneously

"What happened?!" Len added

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

She smiled, mockingly "Wow, father of the year isn't so sure after all"

"What?"

She laughed bitterly. If he hadn't told his best friends yet, it maybe meant he was reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe common sense had hit him after the first stinky nappy.

"You know what? Come in."

"Oh we were actually in a rush..."

"You wanna find him or not? Come in, I don't bite

"Alright" all three musicians entered somewhat awkwardly in the house where so many sleep overs had taken place, back in the day.

She led them to the kitchen, where the phone was, and dialed.

Callie was the closest to the phone "Row? Yes, I'll get him"

She made her way to the room where the Prune had been moved in the previous evening, due to her favourable evolution and the need of free incubators.

She grinned at the scene: the 6 day old infant was dozing against her dad's bare chest, supported by his hands -which seemed huge in comparison to her small figure-. His eyes were closed, but Callie could tell he was awake as his left hand was stroking her head. It was adorable, and they seemed at such peace -poor Row had spent his first whole night on night watch and was exhausted-.

"Row" she called softly

He opened his big blue eyes in acknowledgement.

"You have a call"

"A call? From who?" He whispered back, before looking down at the baby to make sure she was asleep

"Didn't say. But she was kind of irritated"

"Oh, that's mom then" he smiled sarcastically, but didn't move a bit.

"You aren't gonna get on the phone?"

"I don't know. She doesn't deserve our attention does she?" He cooed

"How bad can it be?"

"You don't wanna see my bad side. And I don't ever want her to see it either"

Callie smiled "Go. I'll stay with her"

He groaned in annoyance. He was so comfortable, and he didn't want to get up.

"C'mere darling" he mumbled, detaching his daughter from his lap and carefully lying her on the cot

He exited the room and walked to the phone "What?"

"Row! Where are you?" The three voices of his best friends greeted him from the other side

"Oh, hi guys I... How did you get this number?"

"We're calling you from your mum's. She says you're in hospital" Terry's soft voice said worriedly

"You've gone fucking AWOL! Where are you man? We're worried as hell" Len scolded

"Oh yeah, hehe been..."he scratched the back of his head "been pretty busy" He glanced in the direction of his daughter's room, where he saw Callie readjusting the yellow teddy bear he had bought her the second day.

"Busy? With what?" Rick inquired

"It's... It's a long story."

"Well we've got time"

"Shouldn't you be in uni?" Row said in hopes they'd have to run into class

"It's Sunday, Row!"

"Oh is it?" He had lost track of time, honestly

"C'mon! Spit it"

He sighed "Alright, huh..." He tried to think of where to start. He couldn't really think much tho; his brain was pudge at that moment. "I met a girl in..." He counted nine months back from February "June?" No wait Piper was premature so it could be July or... Then it hit him. "No, remember that afternoon when we set up that Live Aid session in your parents backyard, Len?"

The boys nodded. July 13th. How could they forget? It had been dubbed the best Summer Party of 1985 in town. The four of them had tried to get tickets, but they couldn't even afford a ticket to London in the first place. And so, They watched the whole show with four TV screens around the yard instead, and the whole village had joined them, arguing on which performance had been the best.

Of course, all four members of Symbols agreed that it had been Queen.

"But they signed up late" someone said

"Yea, they came late to the party" another agreed.

"So what? They rocked the party! You just say that because you like U2 better"

"Like you prefer Queen!"

"But we've got a point! Regardless of how much we like them, they were, objectively, the best performance" /

"Objectively? Bullshit!" Anne Williams snapped "They played the same shit they always play! And Bono was a true gentleman, helping that girl who was getting crashed by the crowd."

"Yea, I'm sure Freddie wouldn't have given a shit, so full of himself and his teeth up his~" /

Dennis Phelps couldn't finish his sentence as a someone tossed him a Converse, which hit his head. A young woman, with Bowie-like orange dyed haircut approached, with a bare left foot and the matching shoe on the other

"You know nothing about putting up a good show then. Also, you mess with Freddie Mercury again and next time the shoe will be stuck up your ass" she told Dennis, retrieving the item "I mean, it's clear who I'm rooting for but Queen really did what had to be done. Geldof told them all to play the hits, because that's precisely why they're hits: they work. Other artists, like your boyfriend Bono and his band played new material, as if this was their concert. And it's not. Even though they signed up on time and whatever. They took a risk, crowd didn't know the song, they lost interest. But Queen had common sense: they played the hits, the anthems, and people connected with them. And it's not about Freddie or him hypnotizing Wembley. It's having some common sense. And not even you two knew the lyrics of U2s new song. So shut the hell up"

Row had liked her instantly. That's a girl who knows the stuff.

They exchanged a smile, a wink and a complicit nod

"We must join our forces to help out our friends under pressure, don't we?" She said

"Oh yes, Bowie girl." Terry remembered

"Yep."

"So what's with her?" Rick said

"Well, that.. she..." He cut himself off when a cry echoed in Pip's room "Gotta go, guys. I'll call you back"

"No! Row!" Len said, but the line went dead

"Shit"

"What happened?" Gina, who had watched the scene from the door frame, -and was about to finish her 6th cigar in a row,- asked

"He rambled about that Live Aid day, and a girl he met there"

"Did he say her name?"

"No. He had to go suddenly. It's all weird"

"Yea, well... Life is weird, boys"

"I don't understand. What's going on? Can't you tell us, Mrs. Queen?"

"Oh no. No. It's not my story to tell. Nor my business. I tried my best, but that stubborn bastard didn't listen. I'm sorry" she said

"But is he okay?" Len asked, concerned

Gina grinned, at how despite it all, the four boys would stick up with each other to the end of the world "Yes. He's fine."

"Row, are you okay?" Callie said, as the drummer wordlessly took the bundle from her

"Yes, yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He said, sitting with the fussy baby

"You're a bit pale"

"Oh I... Nothing. Just... I'm nervous honestly. Because we're about get discharged and I'm gonna be alone with her and I'll have to dad around all by myself and... And everyone will know..."

"Know what?"

"About her"

"And is that a problem?" Callie crossed her arms

"No, I mean... No, of course not. But everyone will ask questions and judge me and... I'm worried I will end up believing them more and fuck it all up"

"Believing what?"

"They'll start telling me it's a mistake, that I'm gonna screw everything up and that I won't be able to be a good dad and I'm afraid it will become true"

"So you're saying that how people think of you is gonna affect the way you... How you called it? Dad around?"

He nodded "Well, answer me these, will you? Have you, in this moment or at any point during these seven days, thought you are making a mistake?"

He looked at the tiny bundle and shook his head.

"Are you willing to always do your best for the shake of Piper?"

He nodded, noticing he was unconsciously rocking her back and forth.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Look I haven't exactly been a role model in... Well anything. One thing my mom's proud of is that I'm not into drugs. Everyone who has a daughter in the block hates me. So how am I supposed to raise one?"

"Exactly how you've been doing the last six days"

"Yes but I have you guys. And the medics, and the equipment. But there I'll be all alone"

"You will never be alone. You have the friends you've told me about. And your mum...Maybe the little darling is gassy"

"Oh stop about my mum" he carefully changed the Prune to an upright position and began to rub circles on her back without even hesitation. Wow he was actually getting a hold on the burping stuff.

"Yes. Your mum will eventually come to terms with the lil'raisin. I'm sure." She said, whist handing him a muslin to place on the baby's range of accuracy

"Oh you don't know her"

"I know she's a mum. Your mum and mother's rarely ever turn their backs on their children for good"

Row looked at the baby, then raised an eyebrow at Callie

"I said it's rare. There are obviously exceptions" she said "And believe me you're better off. Also, she did call. That's gotta Mean something"

"I didn't speak with her. Just the band. They were at her place, yeah but... I don't know. I'm not gonna beg on my fucking knees..." He was interrupted by a burp I his ear. Damn, that was a big one. He'd need 2 beers to produce such a loud one.

"Easy, tiger." He laughed "Goddamn it, where did that come from, huh? You're unbelievable" he praised, while getting the muslin out his shoulder and handing it to Callie

"And a neat one too. 10/10." She chuckled

"Atta girl. That's my lil'raisin. Yeah, good girl" he cooed, bringing her to face him, before she started fussing and he nested her again on his chest "Aw, don't cry honey. Please. You're alright. C'mon" he begged. She settled down quickly, and he sighed in relief.

"The point is, that here is like... I feel safe, you know? It's like another world. Another life. And now I have to fit her in my every day, and be in charge and stuff, and... I'm not sure I'm ready"

"Parents are never ready to take them home. Not even those who had 9 months of preparation, and parenting classes, and a nicely decorated and supplied nursery. No one feels ready. But nerves are good. Nerves mean that you care. Worrying and doubting about your ability to be the dad your child needs is precisely what's gonna make you raise your game. Just one last question: are you 100% that you love that lil one with all your heart?"

He looked at his daughter, who had gone back to sleep with the rambling of his voice, as his hand still caressed head and grinned "Hell yeah" Otherwise, how could he explain the way his chest seemed to be holding two hearts whenever she was in his arms? Or how, when he had to leave for the night it felt as though both those hearts were ripped away from him? Or how else could he have turned this goddamn sappy? Yep. That was the proof.

"Then that's all the two of you will ever need. She won't care if you two are rich or live in a cardboard box, or if she wasn't in your initial plans, or that she doesn't have a mom. As long as you love her and make her feel like it."

He nodded, and rested his lips on her soft scalp.

"Right, I Gotta get to another patient. Call'em back."

He stood up, this time taking his Prune along, and went to the corridor where the phone was. Making sure her head was safely cradled along with the rest of her small body on his left arm, he tucked the phone between the right shoulder and neck and dialed their shared place's number

Rick picked up "Yes?"

"I'm a dad" he said simply, and waited for his reaction.

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I’ll post the picture separately in order to preserve my goddamn sanity cause Tumblr is being a pain in the arse!!!!!

How do you guys do it? Am I the only one who needs 5 bloody tries to post this things?

#roger taylor #dad!roger taylor #queen band #queen fluff #bohemian rhapsody

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intothedanvers-e · 6 years

Text

Journey

Word Count: 1k Pairing: Tom Holland x reader Summary: Sometimes it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. Author’s Note: ok so i didnt think this would get any likes or anything and im actually surprised that so many people liked the first part and the idea in general!! i think becky ( @hollandlovely ) is a testament to how much i thought people werent going to like it considering i sent her every single part to see if she liked it lol but shes the best and she did like it so i hope you guys continue to like it! ill just reiterate for anyone who didnt see or read pt.1 that this is a 5 part series i wrote where each part is based on/inspired by one song off each one direction album. this second part is based on/inspired by I Would off of Take Me Home! also just for anyone thats curious, yes i did just press shuffle on each album and wrote down the song that came out and not to toot my own horn but they all mesh perfectly?? its weird but yea, hope you guys like it! if you want to be tagged in the other remaining parts let me know! if you have any feedback or anything also let me know! :))

Here’s my masterlist!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

It was a few months later, and you’d managed to make Tom part of your official friend group. You’d even slightly merged your two friend groups considering your friends were also now friends with his friends. It was all a big mess, but you enjoyed it. You’d originally started things off with the intention of being romantically involved, but you’d both tried to keep it on a friendship level considering the both of you were in the middle of some messy relationship drama with your exes. You’d kind of rekindled things with your Tinder fuck boy, which all of your friends hated. Tom had never even met him but already hated him, and you constantly tease him that it was only because he had a crush on you which he’d quickly deny. He swore he didn’t feel those things towards you anymore.

You were getting ready for a date with Tinder fuckboy, whilst a lot of your friends were in your living room watching some sports game. You walked out ready to head off until you bumped into Tom in the living room while you were grabbing a water bottle. He was sitting on your kitchen counter.

“You ready for your date with Mr. Horrible?”

You rolled your eyes and shut the fridge.

“Tom you don’t even know him!”

“No, but I know his type.”

“Okay then, explain his type to me genius.”

He finished off his beer and set in on the counter next to him before jumping off.

“He’s the guy who will string you along and act like he’s into it, until you don’t want to do something he does. Or until his friends see you out in public together. Or until you decide to tell him you love him and he goes off running in the other direction.”

You didn’t realize he was only centimeters away from your face now. You could feel his breath on your face, his eyes were staring at your lips. You cleared your throat and took a step back.

“How do you have all this knowledge huh Tom? Maybe you see a little bit of yourself in him.”

“Nah,” he said opening the fridge, “I just constantly get dumped for guys like him. Have fun.”

He opened his beer and walked back to the couch. You shook your head and walked out the door. You couldn’t see but his eyes were glued to you as you left the apartment.

You arrived after the sun had already gone down. The apartment was dark and seemed empty. You figured your roommate was either out or at her boyfriends. You walked in the dark to your kitchen sink. You splashed water in your face and grabbed a beer out of your fridge. You dropped the top onto the kitchen island, which made a noise come from the living room. You jumped and froze.

“Y/N?”

You recognized the voice, it was Tom. You walked over and turned the living room light on.

“You scared the shit out of me you dick.”

He rubbed his eyes as he sat up on your couch. You slumped into the little singular love seat at to the right of the couch. He scanned your face. You tried to take a drink to hide your red and puffy eyes.

“You okay?”

You nodded and put the beer on the coffee table.

“What are you doing on my couch?”

“Oh Jen said she was going to spend the night at her boyfriends, I thought I would stay here until you got home just to make sure you got here okay.”

“What if I would’ve come home with my date?”

“Would’ve left quietly as soon as you would’ve made it into the bedroom,” he said shrugging.

You took another drink of your beer.

“Thanks.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Oh I’m fine. I’m just a huge bumbling idiot.”

You didn’t want to cry, but a few tears escaped your eyes.

“You are not.”

“Oh I am. You warned me about this guy, and there I went like a dumbass. Like a fucking idiot. Thinking he’d change. Thinking that surely he loved me if I loved him right? Wrong.”

He sat quietly for a few seconds.

“He doesn’t deserve your love.”

“What?”

“Yeah. You deserve to share your love with someone who will love you just as much as you love them.”

“Well I’ve had bloody good luck in that department! Cheers to that,” you said holding your drink up before chugging the rest of it.

“You deserve someone who will hold you when you’re feeling like shit, and someone who will make the successes feel even greater than they are. Someone who needs you just as much as you need them, someone who would treat you like the world’s rarest diamond.”

“If you know someone who’s willing will you give them my number,” you said getting up to head to your room.

You were just about to walk in when he spoke.

“Are you really that blind Y/N?”

You turned around to look at him, he was standing now.

“What am I missing something?”

He shook his head and grabbed his things.

“I’m glad you’re home safe. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He slammed the door behind him. You walked into your room and began changing into your pajamas. Suddenly the doorbell rang.

“Did you forget something?”

You opened the door and suddenly Tom’s lips were on yours, his hands on your cheeks. You were taken by surprise, but almost naturally wrapped your arms around his neck. You disconnected from each other and laughed.

“I was talking about me you idiot.”

“I thought you were over me?”

“You really are fucking blind aren’t you? I never was.”

You pulled him close to you and connected your lips again. This time his hands wrapped around your waist, his hands lingering near your butt. He pressed his body against yours, lightly biting your lip.

“Want to see if we can make it to the bedroom?”

“I reckon we won’t have to,” he said kissing your neck.

He pulled your legs up onto his waist and walked back into your apartment, slamming and locking the door shut behind him.

Taglist: @tom-hollands-eyelash @colourful-fandoms-ruined-my-blog @lemirabitur @serpent-tea @ironspiderguy @embrace-themagic @tomhollandandmarvelsworld @melancholland @musicgirl234 @hollands99 @all-the-best-people-are-weird @musicandbokkslovingweirdo @pignolithecookie @elentiya02 @densewaffle @steveandtheavengers

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hannahindie · 6 years

Note

Literally just Sam crack pls. The weirdest shit your brain can think up.

Sam knew he shouldn’t have kept it secret, knew that eventually Dean would find out. He was good at hiding things, but Dean was even better at finding the truth. He assumed that Dean would figure it out, because how many foreign films could Sam possibly be going to? But Dean didn’t care about foreign films, which meant he didn’t really pay attention to Sam when he went.

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he flew down the road, his eyes flitting to the time on the clock, then back to the road. He carefully dug it out and answered it, putting it on speaker phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, are you ready?”

“Am I ready? Of course I’m ready. I’m on my way right now.”

“But are you ready?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s been weeks. I’m ready.”

“It’s just, I understand if you aren’t ready. You’ve put in the time, more than most, but...”

“But what?”

“It’s just not what you normally do. You’re a hunter, Sam. This is a little out of your wheelhouse.”

“Y/N, I’m ready. Being a hunter has nothing to do with it. Besides, I’ve had you the whole time. That should count for something.”

“Okay, okay. I just...you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Of course I do, stop worrying. I’ll be there in an hour, okay?”

“Okay, see you soon. Be careful.”

“Alright, bye.” The phone clicked and Sam tossed his phone into the passenger seat.

He wasn’t sure he was ready.

Sam stood backstage, adjusting himself nervously in the costume Y/N had picked out for him. Why in the hell did I do this? He knew the answer. It was because he liked Y/N. He met her at a coffee shop while he was taking a break during a foreign film festival. She had him from the moment she said hello. So when she called him, near tears because one of her lead performers, her partner in fact, had suddenly quit, he immediately jumped in and volunteered.

“Are you sure?” she had asked, sniffling as she tried to hold back her tears.

“Sure, sure I am. I don’t know what I’m doing, but if you’re willing to teach me, I’m willing to learn.”

And learn he had. At least, he hoped he had. As he stood in the shadows of the curtain and watched the acts leading up to theirs do their thing, he began to wonder if he was actually going to be able to do this. He walked back over to the dressing table and looked at himself in the mirror, and thanked Chuck one more time that Dean wasn’t here to see this.

His hair was pulled back in a messy bun so that it would stay out of his face. The costume Y/N picked out was a black men’s tank unitard; he was happy that she had picked out the one that actually came down like pants, but it was skintight, and he felt very self conscious in it. She had lined his eyes in black, blending out the rest of the makeup into a smokey eye that he was sure most women would be jealous of. He sighed. He wasn’t sure why the eyeshadow was necessary, but he was already excited to take it off. Y/N had requested it, though, and so he kept it on.

“You ready?” He turned around to see Y/N smiling at him, radiant in a white leotard and hair in a braid.

“As ready as I’m ever going to be.”

She held out her hand, “Alright then, let’s go. It’s show time.”

Great. Show time.

“That was amazing!” Sam picked up Y/N and spun her around when they got backstage, his heart racing from the leftover adrenaline. She laughed, and threw her arms around his neck.

“You were amazing! I’m not going to lie, I’m really surprised you remembered all that. That was impressive, Sam!”

“Yea, super impressive, Sammy!”

Shit.

Sam slowly turned to see Dean standing behind him, Cas looking over his shoulder. “Dean?”

“Hey, little brother! Let me tell you, that was...that whole thing was uplifting. Also, I’m going to need you to wear that getup when we go hunting, use it as a distraction.”

“Dean, I can explain-”

“Oh, Sammy, you don’t need to explain. You just need to dance. That’s all the explanation I need. Cas specifically enjoyed the middle section, where it was just you. Right, Cas?”

“You were very expressive. I was quite impressed. For someone of your size and stature, you are very graceful.”

“Did you hear that? You’re graceful! Like a fuckin’ gazelle, brother.” Dean pulled out his phone and tapped on the screen, “I’m upset that you didn’t tell me about this, but it’s okay, I got video! I’m glad that I made it in time.” He held up his phone, and Sam closed his eyes as he saw himself spinning across the stage. He looked at Y/N and smiled, “I don’t believe we met, I’m Dean, Sam’s older brother.”

“I, uh, gathered that.”

“Good, good. Thank you so much for getting him involved. He’s always had interest in the arts, specifically dance, so I really appreciate the opportunity for him to get to perform on stage. Fantastic.” He tapped his phone screen again, pausing the video. “We don’t have many family home movies or anything, moved too much, so I’m going to make sure to get this in a safe place. We’re gonna go, but we’ll see you back at home, huh Sammy?”

He sighed, “Yea, at home.”

“Alright, well, Cas and I gonna go then. Don’t do anything I wouldn��t do!” He grinned again, then walked away with Cas.

Sam wasn’t sure if leaving his entire life behind would be worth avoiding the bunker, but he was willing to consider it.

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odelocin · 3 years

Text

My dad called me upstairs. He handed me a mirror with ketamine on it to share. Him and my mom spent the whole morning fighting over the most trivial shit because thats what they do. They fight. They argue. My dad is a textbook narcissist. I don’t like to even say it because I feel bad that he’ll never comprehend why he is the problem, but most of the time he is. He’s learned to spin things around and he has made my mom lose her mind slowly over the last 26 years. I want her to run away and be free but at the same time I don’t want my dad to be alone because he wouldn’t last. I hate that this is even my problem but he makes it my problem. I can tell he wants me to fix things when he comes to me with help because maybe he is confusing himself as much as he confuses everyone else. He wants my help until I say something that makes him feel bad about himself. Then he ignores me. Anyways I did the ketamine because it was there. I regret it because it makes me feel like im dying and is intensifying every pain inside. My mom gets so rocked off of it and it truly hurts to watch, I know she wont die from it and part of me feels a little relief to know that she is getting relief from that headache of a relationship for a small amount of time. I still don’t like it though. I feel out of control. I don’t want to leave my family behind I want to help raise them up but lately it has only been bringing me down. I got a good job. I graduated college. I am trying so fucking hard to succeed so I can not only live a comfortable life but I dream of having the kind of money that allows me to take care of all of their problems. If I had that kind of money I would offer them all the security and comfort they need as long as they go to a rehabilitation center first and get clean and see a therapist. I know it can happen. I just have to be patient and work hard. and not fuck this up by succumbing to the addiction around me. It’s crazy how addiction can work. I don’t even seek drugs they literally seek me. I get handed and offered so much stuff and its just so enticing and easy to accept because yea in that moment it takes away the feelings that I don’t want to feel anymore. But that throbbing pain inside doesn’t go away. It gets louder. I get guilty. I promise I’ll never do it again and then it finds its way to me again. I could run away from it all but that would mean leaving my family behind and I am not willing to do so. I will try until I fucking die to get my family to be healthy and happy. Happiness and peace seem so foreign to me sometimes. Like it is a fairytale to have a peaceful home life with growth and support. My soul craves it. I will make it happen. Do not forget why you are doing this. This is why I am writing. It helps make me aware of everything going on in my mind because a lot of the times its just passing by internally and I don’t even know whats happening until it has happened. I won’t fuck this job up. I will do the complete opposite. I will excel so hard!!!! It’s not an easy job but this is my path. Nobody is ever supposed to see this but if by chance someone is reading, don’t mind how all over the place I am in my writing. This isn’t meant to be a nice piece of work. This is the messiness of my mind. Maybe with time it will clear out. I envision the life I want and I know it is a possibility for me. I just don’t want to leave my family behind to get it. The universe I feel is testing me by making me want to leave and do things on my own, but that is so overdone. I need to stay behind and make this work.

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hornedjustce · 6 years

Text

№ — ( BOB MORLEY, HE/HIM & CIS MALE, MARVEL ) ┊ did you hear about DAREDEVIL? i heard that they also go by MATTHEW MURDOCK and are aged 28. they weren’t turned into dust at all, so they’re still in tact - according to the press, anyways. think the papers are right?

ok y'all it is me again but i'm goin to make this quick because i'm tired as heck but here we go for the loml matthew murdock! this is honestly going to be mostly based on the tv show i haven't read his comics sorry yikes i'm a fake fan but love my anxiety inducing blind ninja lawyer!

— MY BOI MATT

ok so matt!!! my good catholic boy (please don't ask me abt biblical stuff i'm not religious so i cannot explain the ethics of it etc but anyway) was a cool kid who lived a pretty troublesome life. with no mum and only a dad heavily involved in crime shit. his mum was from the philipines and dad native of new york but fam all irish anyway it was just matt and his dad for a very long time.

his dad was his damn hero and matt often went to the gym to watch his dad fight. basically he was a proud kid that wanted to be like him when he grew up unaware of all the awful mob shit involved in his fathers life.

matt was blinded by (radioactive) acid which left him unable to see much other than red and heightened his other sense to superhuman levels. not long after that his father was killed in a mob hit and the death of his father was what drove matt to go into law.

he wanted justice and to fight for what was right, even if he had to do it himself.

idk the deal between his mom and dad but basically after the death of his father she failed to take care of him and he was shipped off too Saint Agnes Orphanage (which is where he met daisy ayeeee) he struggled a lot with it given the adjustments to his new senses and his lack of one.

he was visited by an old guy that he learned is named stick. he later on trained matt quite harshly in order to teach him to control his anger and the powers he possessed (my bad ass boy so proud wow)

matt went to law school etc etc idk a lot about law what am i doing to myself anywaY that was where he met foggy (his best bro) and like !!!! that is very important because matt is dumb as fuck and needs foggy to keep him from doing really dumb dumb shit or at least yell at him abt it

not long after he met elektra and damn did matt fall hard for her. she was mesmerizing and something so complicated yet plucked right from the stories of undeniable gods. the two are pretty opposite but he had a fondness for her and for a while it worked. he opened himself up to her and like shit, he really loved her (maximum hearteyes) but like most of matt's life eventually it went down hill.

actually their relationship ended like a fiery car crash and she's always left an unsettling lasting impression on him. sometimes he really wondered if she would ever pop back up in his life again almost as if she never exited it to begin with.

he spends lots of time at josie's bar or at work with foggy and karen

they dated for some time???? didn't work out and matt really likes just being her friend yknow. karen is a bad ass and he really appreciates that she is somewhat willing to put up with his bullshit lmao

deciding to create the mantel of daredevil to protect the city, or more specifically hells kitchen (you gotta start somewhere), was a big thing for matt and at first it was a lot of trial and error. plenty of times he had nearly got himself killed and eventually he got the knack for it. in a way it helps him cope with acceptance of his fathers death knowing that he is doing what he believes is right and bring criminals to justice

he has a very strict set of morals and basically matt won't kill people, that is not what he wants to do and he just won't. this is where he and frank (as well as elektra) differ and yea they clash a lot its fine

uH so at the end of the defenders matt is a mess and tries to save elektra???? he fuckin dies with her in the crashing building but didn't actually die yknow so there ya go

matt was basically out of comission during the events of infinity war given that he was recovering from almost dying and everyone thought he was dead

that is all for now!!!

extra info on matt: he's got super messy hair, lots of freckles, smiles like the cutest dork you've ever seen, likes cuddles and shitty beer, flirty lil shit, makes dad jokes sometimes, barely uses his netflix account, really wants a dog, has like 6 pillows on his bed and cannot stand the smell of peppermint

also he’s dumb as fuck what a gryffindor

#infinites:intro #wow my inner mattelektra lover really came out here #yiKES

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b0oker18 · 6 years

Text

My First Post: My thoughts/headcanon on the relationship of Mulder and Scully pre and post “I want to Believe”

Disclaimer: Originally I just wanted to just share my thoughts on Mulder and Scully's relationship pre - “I want to Believe” and there relationship during “I want to Believe” but I have never really expressed my thoughts publicly before, so this becomes a much longer conversation. So it might get a little messy at some point. I say things like I may get into that in another post and then it goes on for three paragraphs. I just want to get this out there and don’t want to edit anymore. Sorry! Enjoy!

I just re-watched the X Files “I Want To Believe” for the first time in like 4 or 5 years recently, I always liked the movie (I guess), but never REALLY thought about it much other than the MSR scenes.

But upon watching again, and having watched season 10 and 11, (maybe i'll share my thoughts on that another day) I now see the movie with a different set of eyes. Specifically the complex relationship of our beloved M and S. I would like to share some of my theories/headcanon with the tumblr-sphere if there's even anyone willing to listen and give their feedback and thoughts. But please keep in mind that these things are my personal feelings, I have no proof that what i am saying is 100% correct and quite frankly no one else does either. Please Enjoy!

A lot of XF fans say that Scully is sad throughout the entire movie, and I agree, but in my mind it is justified (and please bear in mind that I am mostly thinking just in-universe and not the decision of the writers, directors, actors.) I mean think about it, she has a man at home, who is isolated from the world, he spends his days cutting out newspaper stories and pinning them to a wall in an office the size of a half bath. Mulder is bored, even though he does not admit it. (The pencils on the ceiling in his office are a dead giveaway). Also Scully seems to have her head above water, being a successful doctor. I don't think Mulder is necessarily jealous of that, but it's got to hurt him sometimes. Thats human nature! He lost his chance to tell the world of the things he's done and that sucks!

I also want to be clear that this does not mean I think that M and S spend their days in misery. I think that once Scully comes home from her shifts at the hospital most days Mulder did his damndest to put down the newspapers and be with his woman to the best of his ability. Given his circumstances however it must of been hard to have a fantastic relationship, when he probably never left within a 10 mile radius of there home. I want to believe that there was happiness in those days, and even though I don't think they were exactly fucking like bunnies every night (though in my dirtier headcanon I think the kamasutra was something that suited them in the Bedroom), i don't think they shared every thought and feeling about everything under the sun, remember until season 11 communication was never a strong point. I do think that having each other in those difficult circumstances helped a lot though.

I want to move on the the movie now and sort of get in the heads on M and S. At the start of the movie the FBI comes to “Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital”. They have an ultimatum for Mulder, help us and you will be a free man (which is ridiculous, but you know X Files and shit). Anyway, I could totally see why Scully would jump all over this, for a couple of reasons. 1.) Mulder will finally be free! They can see the world as a couple and truly enjoy their lives. 2.) This one may be reaching but I can accept it. I think in that moment, she believed that once Mulder accepts the FBI’s request and helps them with the case, it would make him see that “hey, you know what? This life is not for me anymore, I’m getting too old for this shit!” which admittedly was not bright on her part. But she took that leap of faith. BTW she sort of admitted it was a mistake several times throughout the movie.

Of course with Mulder being Mulder he dove right back into the thick of it. This is what has been missing in his life for the past 7 years! He becomes that old obsessed Mulder, who I always refer to as “season one Mulder” and because of that he loses sight of what Scully is trying to say and what she wants out of the relationship. Which leaves me to one of the more controversial moments in the film, when Scully sort of breaks things off with Mulder. She cant stand what this case has done to him. She can no longer take obsessed Mulder any more, there relationship has changed. There is no more will they, won't they, there is no more fear of if they got together will it change them in a bad way, which is the feelings I believed they always had during the orginal run. They come home to each other every night now.

I sympathize with Scully here a little bit. I understand where she is coming from. Her life is in a completely different place now, she is a Doctor doing work that must be incredibly stressful and difficult. Not to mention working at a catholic hospital that probably has zero budget and probably can not help 50% of the patients that walk through the door. Basically she can not moonlight as an X Files consultant. I also think what she said in the locker room (I’m not coming home or whatever it was) was a last ditch to get Mulder to wake up and realize that this isn't his life anymore either, which of course backfires.

Now jumping ahead to the end of the movie. The case is solved and life seems to go back to normal. Except of course for the relationship of our dynamic duo, which is still in limbo. Remember how Father Joe told Scully not to give up, clearly Scully struggled over the fact that God may be talking to her through a literal pedifile priest ( yea... I don’t have the energy to get into that today). This is something that she does not to tell Mulder through the entirety of the movie (remember what I said about communication). When she finally tells him, I think that it was the start of the thawing of the relationship which had briefly gone cold.(There is some symbolism in this with the melted snow in the make-out scene) Had Scully not told Mulder what he said I don't think he follows her outside. From there we know the rest. Mulder wants to escape the “darkness” a line that I hate (it's so cheesy), but I'll go with it. Scully of course complies, and they embrace.

Now I want to get into a little bit of post IWTB, which would fall in between 2007 to 2015 I choose to believe that scully breaks things off in 2015 possibly end of 2014, I refuse to believe that they broke up “soon” after IWTB, like CC had implied in interviews, no bro, they didn’t break up that quickly, just no. I believe that after taking there little island getaway things were going very well for M and S, I believe that Scully took a brief leave of absence from the Hospital and M and S got to see a little bit of the world together. Also I will fight anyone who tells me that they did not attend at least one Knicks game together, we all know how much Mulder loves the Knicks (Go Celtics!) (I’m from New England, so sue me!). Mulder and Scully's relationship to me is SUPER complex, there are so many ups and downs, and it did not end with IWTB, which I want to get into a little bit.

So I had a fantastic back and forth with the lovely and super insightful @f-u-carter the other day (you can read here the conversation was expanded upon in the notes FYI). It started with me anonymously saying that in my head canon I believed that “Plus One” came before “This” canonically, I had a couple of drinks in me and had some fun with it. The conversation turned into our beliefs as to why we believed Scully left Mulder (in 2015 not 2009 like CC wants us to think). I want to add a little bit to that. So from 2007-08 to 2014 I believe (or at least I want to believe) Mulder was a new man in many respects, I think he left his newspaper clipping days behind him for a while, and although he was still Mulder in a sense, like having many conversations with Scully about X Files related things. I believe that the “boredom” he felt for so long was gone.

So what changed? Why in the season 10 premiere is he back to being old Mulder? Again @f-u-carter brought up some great points and it helped change my mind. (here it is again, remember the convo is expanded in notes) I think that the world changed for Mulder in unexpected ways. He was suddenly living in the “Edward Snowden” age, where we are constantly being spied upon (again I’m talking strictly in-universe, I’m leaving personal feelings out of it). This could absolutely put Mulder into another tail spin, like a major one! Also originally I thought the 2012 alien invasion was the major factor, but I don't really feel that way anymore.

I have a feeling this frustrated Scully a great deal, I mean she got what she ultimately wanted from Mulder post IWTB, and know here is is back to “season one Mulder”. Given where she was in life, she just could not deal with it again, and it put a huge strain on their relationship leading to the break up. Look do i like the break up, HELL NO, do I truly understand it - not really. But unfortunately due to a certain creator and his never nude propaganda, it is what it is. I can not ignore canon, so this is me trying like hell to justify.

On the somewhat positive side of things, and I can dive deeper into this in another post, I think what rejoining the X-Files did for M and S was taught them how to communicate about feelings and realize there place in the world. Not necessarily working on the X-Files (but it's part of it) but more so that there is no one else for them in this world, just Mulder and Scully. Fate, God, whatever brought them together for a reason. They are the ultimate bringers of truth, the light in the darkness. P.S. I would love to someday talk about God in the X Files universe and how I believe he/she operates, but I need to collect my thoughts on this some more.

Mulder got his mojo back, and Scully I believe, and this may not be the most popular theory, learned how to forgive herself and let go of the mistakes of her past. The last conversation in “Nothing lasts Forever”, I believe puts some credence into my theory (you can read my theory on what Scully whispered to Mulder Here and I think I expanded on it a little, which you can read in the notes). She talked about her guilt of giving up William and her guilt for leaving Mulder (albeit in an X Filely sort of way). I think the final conversation in “nothing lasts forever” is one of the most brilliant conversations both in-universe wise and directorily wise (is that a word?), and I may blog about that another time. In short I think Scully always looked to God to forgive her, but as my Grandmother used to say “God helps those who help themselves” (i’m not religious, but I think it is a beautiful saying).

Last thing I want to talk about is the most controversial episode of season 11 “My struggle 4”, and some of my thoughts on this. A Lot of X Files fans say that Scully “threw away” William, I hate it when people say this. I can understand why people loathe this ending so much, but if you made it this far in this ridiculously long first post then maybe you can hear me out. Throwing something away is a lot different than letting something go. Throwing away implies that you no longer what something, letting go means that you care enough about something to know when to say goodbye. I believe Scully is doing so with William. I don't think Scully ever believed that she was suddenly going to be a Mother to William after being estranged for 17 years. When Scully said “I was never a Mother to him”, the cold hard reality of it is, she is telling the truth, being a Mother is not just about giving birth, but raising the child until adulthood. William (I hate calling him Jackson BTW) was raised by other people, and as an almost adult, at least old enough to make decisions on his own he CHOSE to be a criminal, CHOSE to be left alone. Scully in my mind accepted that. Going back to “nothing lasts forever” again, remember when Scully was talking about Mulder always “Bearing North” (I’m too tired to find the exact quote, sorry), I think she very much took that to heart, and she is doing the same thing Mulder always did, bear north. William knows that Scully loves him, but she also knows who he really is, something she could never protect, ever. To add to that William would never let her protect him, because she and Mulder would die doing so. It is certainly a very heavy burden for Scully, but one in my mind she has to accept.

As for the pregnancy… I have a much harder time explaining that one. What it does do though, in my opinion was put M and S in a position that they came close to having but never actually had. Being actual parents, like for good this time. There is no CSM, alien/human hybrids, super soldiers, whatever to take that away. Should we be jumping up and down for joy over this? No. But if we keep this conversation in-universe isn't it kind of what they wanted? There ages be damned. Could they of lived a quiet, peaceful, happy life without another child, sure! But what this baby does is change them as people. We no longer have to worry about Scully leaving for a third time, because Mulder has been reading up the latest conspiracy theory, putting him into another tail-spin. Mulder is an actual Father now, the new syndicate is dead, William can be whoever he wants (and yes I believe Scully and Mulder know he is alive still). What else is there for him now? Other than being the best older daddy and lover to Scully he can possibly be. Do I think this is some brilliant ending, of course not! But, under these circumstances can I live with it? Yes I can. (I realize that this part is my weakest argument, but this ending is canon and for my own sake I need to rationalize it).

So that is my very, very long first real post, about something I care about deeply. I never really had a voice to let my opinion be known, because None of my friends, family, etc. care about The X Files. Which is fine by me. You have no idea how good this feels, my thoughts have been cooped up in my brain for a long time now, and it was starting to kind of affect me negatively (plus I was laid off recently so I have a lot of free time - don't worry though, I was just hired elsewhere and I start in a few weeks!).

If anyone ever reads this post, whether you agree with me or not, whether you think I suck or not, the only thing I really want to do is keep the conversation going in a positive light about two characters and a show that we love deeply. I will try and blog about something X FIles related maybe once a week, every few weeks, IDK yet. (maybe some sports stuff to, cause I like that shit, but if I do I promise it will be quick.) And of course if everyone thinks this sucks, you will never hear from me again lol!

But I want to keep the conversation going, because it is so much fun hearing other people's theories and headcanons (when it is done respectfully) But the XF community is filled with classy people, and I love that. Anyway here are my closing thoughts for today. Mulder and Scully are incredibly difficult people to read. Because of the structure of the show, there is SO MUCH left unsaid and unseen. But honestly, I personally would not have it any other way. I think it's why I fell in love with these characters so hard. You can take what you want from what little we have seen from their lives, and make of it what you will. Some people think Season 7 was the “season of secret sex”, they were banging every night for like a year, and you know what? There is NOTHING in the canon of season 7 that says they were not. There is a true beauty to that. I honestly believe that. I have to believe that. My opinion, if you care, is that they banged twice in the original run, once after “Per Manum” and once after “All things”, but that's just personal headcanon. But thats it, that’s the show! If you want to believe that M and S proclaimed there love to one another every night during season 8, that’s great! If you still believe that William was a naturally conceived, and CSM only played a very small roll, if any in his creation, that's fine, if you want to believe that after Mulder and Scully had sex the first time, they spent the rest of the night reading each other french poetry, God bless you! Again please understand what i'm saying, the secret beauty to this show that I wish more people talked about is all of the things we don't see, we can shape parts of that universe in our own image, which many other shows don't have the balls to do anymore.

This is the most in-depth have ever been in regards to the X Files and I am proud of myself for doing so, I put my heart and soul into this and I hope you find enjoyment in all of this. Remember Mulder and Scully love each other with the heat of a thousand suns, and even though there have been bumps in the road, at the end of the day they always find their way back to each other. Typing this now, I wouldn't have it any other way and to quote one of the great female characters of all time “I’d do it all over again”. Thank you!

#the x files #txf #msr #mulder and scully #fox mulder #dana scully #the x files i want to believe #the x files season 10 #the x files season 11 #my first post #this might suck #it feels good getting this out there #I hope someone sees this #I just want some justification on my thoughts #x files and shit

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wreckthelist · 4 years

Text

on ‘BE’ing here: part i

rambling of sorts on Grammy nominated artist Bangtan Sonyeondan

(note 1: I was planning to complete this the day of the nomination, but judging from the state of how things are - this right here is the opportune moment to, as my friend Mint had put it, clear out whatever I’ve been wanting to do but didn’t get the time to)

When Spotify announced, loud and clear, on that 2020 Year-End summary instagram story, Dynamite was the song that helped me through 2020 (this fuck-up of a year), that wasn’t an understatement.

I’ve seen Bangtan before, heard of them in passing, even (slightly, really slightly - when you’re hanging out in film-dom or western doms, I doubt you’d come in contact with a full-fledged Korean dom as it is, or perhaps my circles were small and quite closed in on themselves. Regardless!) - and opened that Boy With Luv SNL performance for my parents on the TV in the living room, not long after they went on the show. But it took that one song, one full English song, for me to listen.

(sorry and thank you Namjoon for that diss. Yes, the song’s message’s definitely digestible and easy to consume - for foreign, western audiences. No one much had to care what you guys had to say way back when and they were wrong for it.)

Dynamite pretty much saved my life. (Still waiting for that damn vinyl, BigHit. Think I’ll get it come new year’s.)

The first time I started listening, I couldn’t really stop. I think I played and replayed and replayed the song 20++ times as I did mundane household chores which were asked of me in the morning. Sunday August 24th, my life was transformed (and my digital and physical wallets along with it. Sobs.)

I had no idea who was singing which part, no idea which boy was which, but what got me in, locked and loaded and in place, were the beats, the uplifting sounds that got me dancing again after a messy heartbreak caused by a personification of immaturity who had refused to let go. I was only one week into my new job (old job again now. Such is the way of life - and we lead separate ones now, no reason to cry over invisible lives and imagined smiles or smirks of satisfactions I am not in any current position privy to - or will ever be. Thank God.)

Then there were the messages - the lyrics - “I’m diamond, you know I glow up.” - I mean, Yes, Fucking YES - Kim Seokjin, of course I’m a piece of precious Jewel. Of course I am one and whole of myself and one of a kind (apologies for being cliches, felt good to type out loud right). Asked on Twitter who the “other black-haired” guy was and learned that it was Hobi. Spent time watching a couple of interviews, took 3 hours to tell the boys apart (”You had a lot of free time,” Shareef said, amused, and I quite abashedly admitted to him yes.), and picked him as my bias (little did I know).

I was attracted (still am) to sunshine. I needed smiles and laughters like his in my life. He stood out to me in almost every interview, beaming with his heart-shaped lips and his eternal catchphrase - “I’m your hope.” I was exactly at that point in my life when I needed to hear that. From him, in that voice, from those lips, with those eyes.

And I thought, dear god. I’m always attracted to guys who bring smiles to my face. Of course it has to be him.

(Natalie replied “You’ve joined the party!” in a reply to my screencap of Taehyung wearing those adorable black-rimmed glasses on Stephen Colbert not long after.

That Beatles-Boy With Luv performance remains one of my favorites.)

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Bangtan has since performed and performed and performed Dynamite, and to this day I and the rest of the fandom have witnessed and seen about 30++ performances of Dynamite, and it has yet to grow old on us. (Well.) I swear I can still play the song at least once a day, and that irresistible bubble of hope in Jungkook’s voice in the opening simply shines through. The rest of the song just does its magic - every single time.

I mean, “Life is sweet as honey,” “I’m in the stars tonight,”? Talk about hope, about confidence, looking forward. Straight and simple as that. I had yet to discover what BTS truly has in store.

Note 2: My favorite dance move in the performance itself is Hoseok’s, for the Japanese taping (FNS Music Festival) right here.

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After Dynamite, I burned through the usual favorites, seeing as there was a literal treasure trove of Bangtan songs to discover and listen to, thanks also to this chart.

Go Go and Pied Piper are fun teases to listen to every now and then. Their Halloween dance practice and MNet countdown (I could die over Tae’s clear-rimmed glasses) are bundles of colorful energy. (Until I came across Lotte 2018 Jungkook?! Adding Best of Me here because it’s become a recent favorite. Dance moves are impeccable. There was a stint in my life where I was watching the Airplane Pt. 2 MV almost every day because of how in love I was over Taehyung’s whole look - pink hair, flowing robes, and how the boys pull off their outfits. )

I proceeded mainly through the orange branch, bought myself a few Love Yourself albums along the way, and the day I saw this Min Yoongi in In the Soop, my Bangtan life took a turn.

Yep. Simplicity.

What’s not to fall in love with?

One of my current, low-ranking regrets may include having forgotten the exact moment I first listened to Trivia: 轉 Seesaw, but I fell hard and deep. To that point of no return when I read the lyrics and that analogy Yoongi had penned.

I mean, add Autumn Leaves (the complexity of layered notes, beats, and resulting emotions... ah) and you’ve got this king of breakup songs right here.

What beautiful words, what gorgeous language. I wish I could learn Korean just to fully appreciate the message.

Another friend recommended me Butterfly and I lost my shit realizing they referenced Murakami.

More obscure songs like 134340, Paradise and Sea I didn’t get to till much later. Whalien 52 could make me cry just with the lyrics alone (I doubt my exes had ever felt that level of emotional toward me - the more tragic thing is that the doubt would always exist). Just One Day was that track I had on loop this one afternoon I had to go into town for a dinner party, and Miss Right was an accidental discovery that had me grinning and blushing to the boys’ voices alone, same as 21st Century Girl (’Cause you’re my only girl, oh yea. If you love me, just say it straight. We love a confident but committed guy.)

*Dope is that one MV I waited to watch because of my love of uniforms and managed to get to on a day I could not recall.

*This MIC Drop MAMA performance is the hottest clothes-on, turn on performance I’ve ever watched.

Coffee was the track I first listened to on a drive back from a rather unsuccessful and uneventful beach (bitch?!) trip, and the bitter nostalgia cut me deep. Jungkook’s voice could string up my soul any day of the week. Yes, baby, I still drink Caramel Macchiato every time I think of you - the song, not the person, or any person at all.

I discovered HOME because of this comfy Kimmel performance and died over the camaraderie and obvious ties they have as a family.

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Plus a blue-themed home, uh, have you seen my bedroom, sir?

Boy With Luv will cheer me up any time of day - no thoughts but blue haired Tae and bubblegum pink haired #Jimim, indeed. (That mirroring of a glow-up from the 상 남자 of Boy In Luv is genius. Girl, ‘m not begging for you no more, but letting you know that I’m whole and ready and intent on keeping you safe.)

Spring Day I listened to on an off day in October and wrenched my own heart over the lyrics, even starting off a chapter in one of my fics with the verses that hit me most in particular.

The ON:E concert re-introduced me properly to Filter, My Time (sexy personified as a performance), Persona, Interlude: Shadow, Ego, UGH!, Moon (Prince Kim Seokjin - you have my heart, and my light, always), and 00:00 (picked up through Twitter that it was the song for personal therapy and reminded me of that quote - nothing good ever happens between midnight and 2am, go to sleep. Add 2!3!, which I’d properly listened to after viewing the ON:E exhibit, to this and we are done.)

It wasn’t until I listened to Blood, Sweat, and Tears that I went full-blown head over heels (more than I was before). I’m a musical theater kid, have always been at heart, and those boys dancing in the suits and literature and arts references. You could have just plunged that knife a bit deeper into my heart.

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Needless to say that I bought Demian couple of days after (my 3rd Herman Hesse! Regrettably not my favorite.)

Blood, Sweat and Tears joins my own mini self-compilation of songs on the attraction and sublime relishing of a toxic relationship. That sweet temptation that’s so lush in theory yet acidic in real life.

You’re willing to give it all to this person, this passion, this love, this lure of attraction, imprisonment, and just lose yourself.

You’re begging to be hurt, even when you know it.

You’re asking to stay bathed in acid, drown yourself in punishment, and you’re okay. As long as the “you” in the lyrics is ok - to have you.

You’ve signed over your mind, your body and soul - “I know well they’re all yours” - what sinful admittance, what a delicious way to say you’re under the other’s spell. Not like I haven’t been there before (fitting to think of Jimin holding that apple. God.)

“Peaches and Cream/Sweeter than Sweet/Chocolate Cheeks and Chocolate Wings” - talk about dessert, about diabetic, diabolical sweetness that both indulge and burn your soul. These are saccharine metaphors and goddamn if I wasn’t and am all over them.

Sweet as they are, they melt - they expire, they’re tangible but transient, and you’ve chosen to have them anyway, just to taste them, just to know, to satisfy your sense and just to possess.

“There is a ‘bitter’ next to your ‘sweet’“ - this is my kind of writing. My kind of getting your sweet now and being punished for it later, the kind my friend had commented before of living for today and choosing to forgo the punishments of tomorrow that you’re all too aware of.

And here comes Hoseok!

Kiss me, it's okay if it hurts Just make it as tight As that I can't feel the pain anymore

Goddamn. That Blade Runner 2049 phrase about how pain makes you human - this is next level of hurting just so you could feel. This is hurting to know that it’s real - that the ‘you’ exists - and this “tightness”, this tense sensation, is only reminding you that the lover(?) is worth the pain (grit your teeth and continue!)

Baby, it's okay if I get drunk I'll drink you in deep now Deep into my throat The whiskey that is you

Intoxication - another one of my favorite topics sprouting a platitude of interpretations. Aside from being a sucker (and loving it myself) of saying “baby,” (signaling intimacy, no less) - this is an artful, eloquent way to sketch another version of “love is the/a drug,” which the lover/”you” is consciously consuming with consent.

There’s a repeat in the “d’s” that definitely conjures an imagery of diving deeper and deeper into a bottomless abyss, or of drinking your bottles dry - but this is a translation so that’s that.

But where we have been (or were) in love, we could feel the other person intoxicating, consuming us, consuming our senses, straying our conscience, blurring the lines among reality, reasoning and our own thoughts and what they may have driven us to think or view, just like alcohol or drugs would lead you to do. That inebriated state would be just a self-enriching cycle of docile submission and self-driven continuance.

It doesn't matter if it hurts Tie me up so I can't escape Hold me tight and shake me up So that I can't come to my senses

Like Jimin with the cloth over his eyes in the MV, this is another conscious decision to be held imprisoned, bounded, senses so disrupted you’re choosing to stay. I don’t know about you, but there’s an inkling of weakness in me when I’d chosen to do that, to opt for that choice and stay in something I was fully aware from experience wasn’t going to last (’can’t come to my senses’) but choosing to blind myself to indulge in the fleeting sweetness anyway.

When you’re making that firm and persistent decision to beg for pain and consciously choosing to numb your senses so you could feel nothing else but what you may have thought you desire to feel - you’ve got it bad, baby. That absinth’s hit you hard.

(And we love it.)

Kiss me on the lips A secret just between the two of us Deeply poisoned by the jail of you I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway

Yoongi’s “Kiss me”, like his “불타오르네” (and obviously “용서해줄게“) in Fire may as well linger in my ears as my personal on-demand whisper sounds. His voice is that sexy as fuck ASMR I never knew I needed (and queue Ben Whishaw’s...)

Here we see “poisoned” harking back to intoxication, and “jail of you,” calling back to the whole verse I’d interpreted above before. What interested me here was the couplet - “Kiss me on the lips/a secret just between the two of us” - kissing as an act of sealing a deal or secret reminds me of age old love songs, of promises made between lovers before they part. Not to mention, this is that sexy, 섹시한 way of “sealing the deal” you may have heard about.

“I cannot worship anyone but you...” holds the lover up high, almost godlike, maybe on a pedestal. It’s that everest, that peak point when you’re more than head over heels in love, when you’re able to see no one but this person. “Worship” is that word signaling holy, direct, and submissive devotion - just powerful.

“...and I knew/The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway” - again the voice of submission in line with above verses, submitting yourself to temptation, same as biting into that apple despite knowing consequences. “Grail” embodies the whole MV image of the classics.

Close my eyes with your caress I can't resist it anyway I can't even escape anymore

You are too sweet, too sweet Because you are too sweet

“Close my eyes” is the same as asking to be blinded (see above). Adding “with your caress” only enhances the intensity of the speaker’s desire, of the intimate and physical nature - you know full well what that person does to you, your heart, conscience, and senses with just one simple touch or the trace of a finger on your skin - especially someone as addicted to skinship as I am. The repetition “You are too sweet...” brings us back full circle to Namjoon’s dessert verses, intoxication, indulgence, and submission.

What a delicious song. I fall in love every time I listen.

Second song in my trilogy is Love Maze - an intoxication of a different, lighter flavor yet still an an intoxication nevertheless.

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Trapped in a maze of decisions Exhausted by all the different chaos We’ve wandered around, looking for the answer Lost in the maze, in the darkness

Jimin’s first verse traverses over the trials and tribulations of every day life - naturally we’re caught in decision-making from the moment we open our eyes (ah, sigh. my major. what the hell), and that, in extreme cases, can escalate to choice paralysis). Life is a mess, to say simply. At times you can feel (and you are) lost in some sort of maze which seems impossible to escape from.

[Verse 2: Jungkook] We ran and ran endlessly But all the fake noise Can’t tear us apart It’s true baby [Refrain: Jimin, Jin] We must believe only in ourselves Can’t let go of each other’s hands We need to be together forever

And now this is just asking your partner to hold your hand throughout the darkness, holding hands while the walls come tumbling down type of way.

[Verse 3: RM] People say That I’ll end up a fool But I don’t wanna use my head I don’t wanna calculate Love ain’t a business Rather like a fitness I’ve never been in a calculating love I know it’ll be cold like winter But I still wanna try

Yup, sure. Love isn’t logical, and we feel it when we feel it. This is a more considered version of love or succumbing to temptation/infatuation, compared to Blood, Sweat, and Tears, see here:

If you push me, I’ll fall, just raise me up again Even if I pull, you don’t have to come

Upon a close look, this is the more confident, the more ‘out-there’ you - like a rocking doll, a full human ready to get back up on its own once fallen, not a blind follower or submissive slave. What I find particularly captivating is the bottom verse - “Even if I pull, you don’t have to come” - this is a show and declaration of independence at its finest. I’ll woo you, I’ll say I want you, and I’ll grab you toward me, but you “don’t have to” be with me, [if you don’t want to.] (Plays I’m Fine)

No matter what others say, don’t listen Just let’em talk, whatever they say The more they do, the more I’m sure

Honestly this reminded me of a past relationship, where figurative hand-holding was the emphasized union to help us make it through. Would have been half the fight if it was that aspect alone, though.

Baby just don’t give a damn

This is the sentence I sing to every single time I play this aloud. The sentence.

I always think, even if eternity is hard I wanna try it, let’s be forever

My ex once asked, “How long is forever?” just ripping off that sign in a mall we walked past, and yes, that’s what I do remember about us. Part of it. Since then, mentions of eternity like this has always hit me.

And forever doesn’t exist, guys. COVID does.

(Bad joke, sorry.)

The song that completes the trilogy is one I discovered only last week. My last BTS x Steve Aoki crossover: Waste It On Me.

Queue neon club lights and bad decision drinks. Kook being Kook, his voice in songs like these, House of Cards, and Savage Love slices you right through, like a young, impressionable boy asking you to give this love a try, to forget yourself in being attracted to him, and to waste the time you aware you’re willing to waste on him:

[Verse 1: Jungkook] You say love is messed up You say that it don't work But, you don't wanna try, no, no (You don't wanna try, no, no) And baby, I'm no stranger To heartbreak and the pain of Always being let go (Always being let go)

This verse, man. When your heart’s rusty and battered and beaten and broken enough, “Baby, I’m no stranger/to heartbreak and the pain of always being let go,” is that overwhelming elixir to slosh it altogether, like soaking your lone damn heart in warm bathwater, and with Jungkook’s inviting voice, you may have added your favorite flavor of Lush bathbomb.

[Pre-Chorus: Jungkook, RM & Jimin] And I know there's no making this right, this right (This right) And I know there's no changing your mind, your mind (Your mind) But we both found each other tonight, tonight (Oh yeah) So if love is nothing more than just a waste of your time

It’s that exact moment when it’s the night of your birthday, you’re all dressed up with only one place to go in a town where you knew a handful of people, and the guy at the bar had bought you a shot of mysterious substance to drink. So you’re here. So he’s here. And the drink’s here, between you two, and you’ve downed it in. And you’re here.

So why not?

‘Waste it on me’ is a sexy invitation in itself, that momentarily grasp for pleasure. Ok, yea. I’m all yours.

Tonight.

[Verse 2: RM] So we don't gotta go there Past lovers and warfare It's just you and me now (Yeah, yeah) I don't know your secrets But I'll pick up the pieces Pull you close to me now (Yeah, yeah)

Namjoon’s voice has always been sexy to me. Masculine, dominating, in control, in the same way that Yoongi’s raspy, gravelly voice grabs you and stubbornly holds you close.

Maybe this guy you’d just met in a club’s blabbering away to pierce who you may have been or who you’re presenting yourself to be just for you to be with him, and takes ahold of your waist before you could say no.

What do you say?

Yay, don't you think there must be a reason? Yeah, like we had our names Don't you think we got another season That come after spring? I wanna be your summer I wanna be your wave Treat me like a comma I'll take you to a new phrase Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away If I'm not your taste, babe, waste Waste it on me

I’m speechless over the “Treat me like a comma, I’ll take you to a new phrase,” wordplay. Most of all, it illustrated my past relationship in that all too on-the-nose way, for me and him both. English is sexy, man, please don’t ever say it isn’t.

“Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away/If I’m not your taste, babe.” I’m partial to babe as much as baby, let’s be real. Haha. The whole “come just eat me” paints that picture of the speaker being “consumed,” just devoured whole (echoing the earlier image of being “washed over” from “I wanna be your wave”) by the to-be-lover, without a care, a giving-himself-away submission reminiscent of Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ intoxication and blind bondage. The speaker here doesn’t even care if he’s not tailored to the ‘lover’s’ desire, ready to be discarded, treating himself here as disposable, even worse than Love Maze’s partnered hopefulness and teamwork or Blood, Sweat and Tears’ irresistible, spellbound attraction.

Aaand there you have it, my ramblings on Bangtan (as of now). There’s just so, so much - I’ve recently received my HYYH Pt.1 (RIMBAUD! SEXY CONVERSE!!! BOYZ with FUN!) and YNWA albums, not to mention my rap line songs, vocal line, In the Soop, Performance details, Run BTS (source of joy and laughter, more than any man has ever affected me), Premiums, and the whole “Love Yourself” concept + B.E. Itself.

I’ll be sure to pop back in very, very soon!

#BTS

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tracelii · 8 years

Text

I PUT A SIIIIGN ON MY RAAAGE AND ENGAAAGE IN ANGER MANAGEMENT

(Takes place right after this one)

“STOP!”

He had never heard himself like that. Jack was a very loud guy, but only when he was happy, only when he was excited, maybe when he was getting salty over a video game. He never had to be this loud, out of anger. He never thought he could be, but he was, and he could feel it in his throat that at this point he could easily yell until it was raw, and it definitely wouldn’t take much.

He watched Traci crumple in place, after fear and worry crossed her face in response to his outburst. She just… stopped, covering her head and murmuring frantic apologies.

Ellie swung, weakling hitting Traci’s back, but by time Jack had grabbed her again, and gently pulled her away, she had spent all of her energy and most of her anger, but something mindless kept her going. He turned her towards him, and she still struggled, and angry tears dotted her face.

“I don’t want to need him!” Ellie shrieked at… him? At nothing. She just continued to swing her arms. She weakly smacked at him, more and more tears spilling down his face. “I don’t have a choice! I can’t stop I CANT STOP STOP IT STOP IT!” She pulled at her hair before she fully broke down crying. He let her turned away, but still held her hands, forcefully keeping her in place, and keeping her from doing damage to him, to Traci, or to himself. She twisted her body weakly, her mouth falling open, her head falling back, and cried out again.

It was truly a sight to behold, maybe not in the best kind of meaning, to walk in on this train wreck.

Elsa walked to the door first, opening it gently and walking in and holding it open for Ian to come in right after her. The sight before them was a mess, to put it lightly. Several desks had been misplaced and moved out of the way in the short battle that had ensued, and there was tiny smears of blood on some of the bright wood panels of the floor and at least one chair.

Curled up on the floor was Traci, her face hidden away, her headband tangled in her now-messy hair. She wore no jacket, and her yellow school vest was revealed to be unintentionally worn inside out. One of her shoes were missing, and when she raised her head for a peek at the newcomers, she had at least two welts on her face from being scratched and a busted lip. She sniffed, uncertainly, and only after a second, had hidden her face once again.

Ellie was pulling gently on her arms, her noises and cries reduced to whimpers and moans of pain and discomfort. She was digging her hand into her palm so hard, blood was almost certain to follow. Her long dark hair was a mess as well, and a few buttons of her white dress shirt was missing, and half her collar was out of place. She had bruises on her exposed, pale skin, mostly her arms and one right underneath her left eye. She had stopped fighting Jack, but sunk to her knees, giving up to the struggle of freeing her arms from Jack’s grip. He looked up in great relief as Ian only crossed his arms in disapproval, and Elsa could only shake her head. Besides the shaky breaths of the two that had fought, the room was silent.

Jack watched Ellie closely as he finally let go of her wrists. She let her arms lower slowly (they probably hurt), and finally wiped the blood trailing from over her eyebrow and started leaking down the side of her face. She looked down at her bloody hand and… and it took whatever strength she had left. She lowered her hands enough to cross her arms hold them in sort of a self-hug, and just blankly looked at the ground. She was tired. She was exhausted.

“Okay, so…” Elsa said gently, as if she thought speaking too loud would set everyone off. “I guess… Traci still hates me, so I’ll help Ellie, Ian, you can help Traci and… Jack, if this is over you, we probably can’t have you helping one and not the other, so you can help put the class back together.

“No.”

Elsa was looking down at the two poor friends of hers on the ground, but the word brought her attention to the speaker, her face twisting in confusion. “… No?”

“No, I’m not going to do it.”

“What the fuck.” Jack had his hand on the first desk, ready to move it back. “What do you mean no.”

“It means no.” Ian said. “As in no. As in, not me. As in. fucking. No.”

There was a weird silence in the room. The tension had returned.

“They’re my friends- they’re your friends.”

“Yea, they certainly used to be.” Ian shot back without missing even a single step. The irritation on his face grew. He hadn’t uncrossed his arms since he was forced to tell the entire hidden block club that whatever the hell Traci did at lunch was just a one time thing. That it was just stress. That she was fine.

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t even close to fine.

“They’re still your fucking friends.” Jack crossed the room in just a few strides, stepping right up to Ian, who was, though slouching, still taller than him. “You know they can’t control this, and I can’t believe you’d just abandon them when they need you.”

“Need me to do what. Cover for them? Cover for you?” Ian now stood up purposefully to stand even taller over Jack- he had the green boy beat by almost half a foot. “Lie to all of my friends, and their friends and tell them everything is alright? Tell me, Sean, what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to help?” His tone was completely unforgiving.

“I don’t know, by at least pretending to give a shit.” Jack clenched his fists. The hot feeling in his chest returned with a vengeance.

“You guys-“ Elsa said, stepping back to give them room, but not willing to except calling it quits here and now.

“No.” Ian said again. “I’m fucking tired of this. This radioactive piece of shit just waltzed in here, dragging whatever the fuck anti is with him, and now hes here, bothering all of us, and destroying their lives” He gestured angrily at the two girls on the floor. “And now I have to drag you into the void, where I also have to babysit you because you don’t listen to a damn thing I say to keep you fucking safe. And I have to lie to everyone around me. I don’t know what I’m doing- you guys don’t know what you’re doing, but we’re just going to come in here and fucking pretend they didn’t just try to murder each other?!” He had been addressing Elsa, who took the stabbing words with a jolt of surprise, before looking away stubbornly.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen!” Jack’s voice was now raising, completely unyielding to Ian’s scathing blame. “But I know what it is now is that if we leave them alone now, it’s gonna be a lot worse than a fight, than a bruise and a couple of scratches. You know it, and I know it, but if you’re going to be a pussy about it, then fucking leave.”

Ian thrusted a finger into jack’s chest. “What. The fuck. Can any of us. Do. To fix. Your. Problem?”

Jack knocked his hand away, shoving Ian once. “Don’t fucking touch me- don’t act like you’re some helpless prick. If you’re going to leave now, just do it. Just get the hell out here, and don’t pretend you even gave a shit about Ellie or Traci for even a second.”

Ian shoved him back, and they both got close- powerful glares sending sparks between them. One kept waiting for the other. It would just take one punch. One punch, and it was all going down, here and now.

“Listen, you’re both assholes.” Elsa said. She pushed between them somehow just to continue walking towards the teacher’s desk, where she pulled out the first aid kit. “And this sucks. And they’re in danger. And we’re in danger, but unlike them, we can still do something about it, so lets do something about it. It matters, whatever we do.” Her face was sour. “It matters.” She held up the kit. “So pick, Ian. If you leave, we wont bother you. But if you’re staying, get over here and help this annoying asshole look after her friends. Jack doesn’t have a choice whether be involved or not, but you do, so just fucking pick. Either way, its not worth another fight.”

Ian didn’t move right away, and he didn’t move from his spot, and his eyes kept drifting towards the door. He walked past Jack, roughly shoving past him to head for Elsa. “I’m not doing this for either one of you.” He said bitterly. “I just want my friends back.”

“That’s all I can ask.” Elsa said, handing him the box. “But also- same.” She had some supplies in her hands, but turned to Ellie, who had gotten to her feet, to Elsa’s surprise.

“El?” She asked, but Ellie was quick on her heels, running out past both Ian and Jack quickly, her head bowed, walking in a quick, but calm paced. She sniffed, her shoes clicking at the ground, and immediately left the room.

“I should go after her.” Jack said awkwardly. He talking to Elsa, who only gave him a worried look, but then his glance passed to Ian who was now sitting on the floor, sitting Traci to sit up and started to get a good look at her bloody lip. Traci’s eyes flickered up to meet with his.

“but…” her lips parted for that one word, and she struggled for the next. “Was he here…? That was him, right? Who said ‘stop’. Did he hear me? Can I talk to him again?”

Now Ian’s eyes were also on him- all three pairs of eyes were on him. “No- that wasn’t him--- I… I was just got angry.” She couldn’t tell the difference? He watched her face fall again.

“I still have to apologize, and… and you promised you would let me see him.”

“I’m sorry, you promised her?” Ian’s words, his look switching from neutral hatred to incredulous.

“You saw what happened in the cafeteria!” He said quickly. “I had to tell her something just to get her to her feet!”

All Ian did was toss his hands in the air, then finished cleaning Traci’s bloody chin.

“Hey, maybe we can… I don’t know.” Elsa looked back and forth between the two boys, a curious hint in her hazel eyes. “Let her speak to Anti.”

“Huh?” Jack asked, his eyebrows furrowed. “I mean, at this point, I honestly would, if I knew how to-“

“Ahem. Ahem.”Elsa raised both of her eyebrows. Ian caught on right before Jack did.

“That sounds like a fuckin’ bad idea if I’d ever heard one.” Jack said quickly, and he watched Ian’s eyes do the most impressive roll of the century. They agreed on something.

“Please.” She winced as she earned another bandaid on the back of her hand, but looked up at Jack as if he was about to gift her with the sun after 40 days of clouds.

Jack grimaced, giving Elsa one more unsure side-glance, before giving a hesitant nod of his head. “Okay.”

“Oh!” Traci scooted up, pushing at Ian for him to scoot over, even as he tried to check her for any more cuts. She tried to adjust herself, push down her skirt and hair, fix her inside-out vest, and waited patiently. Her breathing was still a little uneven, and even she knew she looked like shit, but she tried to make it work anyway. She sat back on her knees, and waited.

Jack felt hot under the collar, nervous as hell, and anxious enough to cover the student body for at least a week. He took an uncertain breath before sighing out, and closing his eyes. After another sigh, he opened them again. No one had moved.

“H… Hello, Traci.” He tried. He watched her face carefully, and the way she tilted her head in question didn’t give him much more confidence. “I’m here. It’s me. Uhm… Anti.”

Ian’s sigh of disgust almost did him in. He looked to Elsa for help, worry starting to paint his features. This wouldn’t work. It certainly wouldn’t. Elsa gestured to him again, and before long, Ian was standing next to her, his arms crossed, as always.

How the hell was he supposed to know what Anti was like? He had never met the guy. He knew he was an asshole- from what he heard, probably kind of full of himself… according to Traci, he tended to get angry? Uhhh… Probably acted like he was in charge?

“Try again.” Elsa said softly. “We can get her to cooperate.”

That seemed to be a good motivation. If he pretended to… be Anti, or whoever, that could be good, somehow. As much as he didn’t want to bully anyone around, he could actually get her to start taking care of herself again, and maybe eventually gain a little bit of her happiness and independence back. He could this for her well being.

He took another deep breath. Be mean. You have to be mean. Get angry again.

“Traci.”

She sat up straight, startled out of her stupor. Her eyes searched his face, and a tear spilled down her cheek as her hands curled up in her lap. “Yes?”

“Is there something you wanted to say?”

“Do you think she really believes that it’s him?” Ian asked, leaning towards Elsa. His arms were still crossed so tightly it seemed he shouldn’t have had any circulation. He was still pissed, but he was still helping, at the very least. To be honest, if he would have killed his involvement here and now, she literally didn’t know what she’d do without him, besides go back to the rough nightmares.

“Huh?” She watched Traci sit at absolute attention, taking in every ounce of… ‘Anti’ before her. Her hands curled in tighter, and she leaned forward. A shaky, hopeful smile pulled at her lips, and tears welled up in her eyes. The desperation. The utmost attention. Elsa absently rubbed at her wrist wrap absently, trying out her soreness and mobility before disappointment filled her features. She had definitely seen this ‘side’ of Traci before- this false happiness she only got around him…

Anti.

Elsa knew it was Jack there, probably feeling horrific as Traci all but groveled at his feet for forgiveness, but there was no mistaking it.

“Yea.” Elsa said slow and thoughtful, but she could feel the familiar bile rising in the back at her throat, seeing her friend like this, once again. “She believes that’s him.”

#eyesagao #eyesagao au #eyesagao elsa #eyesagao ellie

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kitchenwitchsuperwhovian · 6 years

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Get to Know Me...the oddball edition.

So, I was scrolling through my dash, (and had a little time on my hands), when I saw this posting. I changed it up a little from the original and I forgot who posted it first so I’m saying sorry for not tagging you in advance. I put my spin on it since most of us out in Tumblr-land have answered this or similar questions in the past.

I have only two rules: You are to tag one person and you must answer these questions honestly, sort of...

Just a warning though, there are 100 questions below the keep reading so if you don’t want to do that many, you won’t be wasting your time scrolling through the questionnaire forever.

@tardisspeedsterfanfiction ....I choose you!

1. What is your middle name? Something I am embarrassed about when said with my first name. Makes me sound like a hillbilly from the sticks.

2. How old are you? How dare you ask a lady such a question?! And the answer is older than I care to admit.

3. What is your birthday? In the first month of the year...and every year after that...on the same day.

4. What is your zodiac sign? A stupid song….EVERYONE SINGS when they find out my star sign.

5. What is your favorite color? Mostly dark colors. Heaven forbid you get me something pastel pink!

6. What’s your lucky number? Anything printed on money in my wallet works for me...

7. Do you have any pets? Does family count?....then no.

8. Where are you from? My parents.

9. How tall are you? Average for a person of my age.

10. What shoe size are you? Too big to find a decent pair of fancy shoes.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Five-ish. Slippers count, right?

12. What was your last dream about? Making enough money to take an actual vacation instead of two days off in a row.

13. What talents do you have? I try not to kill stupid people at work and so far…..SUCCESS!

14. Are you psychic in any way? I knew you were gonna ask that….

15. Favorite song? Whatever is currently an earworm from the radio that plays continuously in my head most days.

16. Favorite movie? Do I have to pick just one? FINE! It’s….none right now cause I have no time to watch anything since picking up a second job. Adulting is hard.

17. Who would be your ideal partner? One who pays their own way instead of putting the weight of their emotional and monetary issues onto me.

18. Do you want children? Most days...YES! Those with little to no sleep…..I don’t even want to take care of myself let alone a child.

19. Do you want a church wedding? EMPHATICALLY NO!

20. Are you religious? I’m more of a spiritualist. I believe that everyone had the right to their own beliefs and practices but don’t try to force me to conform to your ideals because “My deity” believes you should be like me.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Unfortunately.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Not so much.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Met personally, yes cause of convention OPS.

24. Baths or showers? Why not both? Start in one and finish in another...

25. What color socks are you wearing? Flesh colored because they invisible for my sandals...

26. Have you ever been famous? Not something I wish for so no….

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Pay-grade...yes. Notoriety, paparazzi, stalkers, taxes, fake friends and family….no thanks.

28. What type of music do you like? Not much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Does taking a bath in a giant Jacuzzi count? Then no….

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three..so far but I am always willing to add more!

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I’m a roller so no one solid position for long.

32. How big is your house? No house, just apartment.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? A nice big bowl of air.

34. Have you ever fired a gun? No and don’t wanna start either.

35. Have you ever tried archery? For shits and giggles at the Renaissance Fair.

36. Favorite clean word? Balls.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39 hours.

39. Do you have any scars? Too many for such a young life.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Nope and it feels stalker-ish if I did have one...or was one.

41. Are you a good liar? Most days, with enough sleep...people believe I’m a kind and caring person every day.

42. Are you a good judge of character? Eh...could go either way most days.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Yea and it annoys the fuck out of my friends when I refuse to use my “normal” voice.

44. Do you have a strong accent? Not so much.

45. What is your favorite accent? Irish/Scottish but I can do Jersey in a heartbeat if you cross me.

46. What is your personality type? My own unique style.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Forty dollar shoes count, right?

48. Can you curl your tongue? No. Why would I want to?

49. Are you an innie or an outie? I like to stay indoors. I burn easily.

50. Left or right handed? Both if I’m super hungry.

51. Are you scared of spiders? FUCK YEA! I’ve been chased by the little bastards.

52. Favorite food? Anything involving cheese is a good start.

53. Favorite foreign food? Thai noodles. Hands down, you have a bowl for me...I’m yours for life.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Clean at work (OCD kicks in HARD) and an organized mess at home.

55. Most used phrase? Son of a biscuit eater! (I usually hang around my 5-year old nephew).

56. Most used word? Fuck.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Most days, about 30 minutes. Special occasion...I start getting ready the night before.

58. Do you have much of an ego? Only in one aspect of my life. The rest, I’m a timid mouse with no voice.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Neither. They kind suck. (ha ha ha...suck)

60. Do you talk to yourself? Most days, yes. When I answer back….RUN!

61. Do you sing to yourself? Always when at home or in the car. Shower’s a good place too.

62. Are you a good singer? No idea but no complaints from my car yet so YEA!

63. Biggest Fear? Fears are something I try not to think about cause I will likely overload and break down….in the middle of work...during rush hour.

64. Are you a gossip? I try not to be. Or so multiple people tell me.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Beetlejuice. What?! You die in the eighties and try having a weird family with a goth kid re-decorate your house and see how you like it!

66. Do you like long or short hair? Depends on the activity? You nasty people! I mean work or chilling at home...weirdos.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yep and thanks to the song from elementary school, it’s in alphabetical order too!

68. Favorite school subject? Recess cause food and friends man.

69. Extrovert or Introvert? A little of both, depends on the group I’m in at the time.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Not for me man.

71. What makes you nervous? Stupid decisions. Most of the time, I back out of fully committing them.

72. Are you scared of the dark? No...are you?

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? At work, yes. I ain’t got time for that shit. Off the clock...hell no. It’s entertaining as fuck.

74. Are you ticklish? Come here and find out. Just kidding. Don’t cause then I’ll have to punch you.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Hasn’t everyone?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Multiple times and let me tell you...adulting is hard.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Once on accident. I was 9. Thanks for the learning experience Grandpa.

78. Have you ever done drugs? Prescribed...yes. Other...HELL NO!

79. Who was your first real crush? A celebrity probably. I was young...heartache to heartache. Sorry, got off topic for a sec.

80. How many piercings do you have? Too many according to my mother.

81. Can you roll your Rs? Yea and it pisses my mom off when I do it randomly in a conversation.

82. How fast can you type? Faster than most, slower than the speedsters of literature.

83. How fast can you run? I only run for the ice cream truck.

84. What color is your hair? Currently...too many to count. I need to fix it soon.

85. What color is your eyes? Depends on my wardrobe but not black or violet.

86. What are you allergic to? Stupid people and their unending belief that they are doing just fine as they are.

87. Do you keep a journal? Does Tumblr count...then no.

88. What do your parents do? Be parents. What kind of question is that?

89. Do you like your age? No cause age is just the odometer of your life span.

90. What makes you angry? *See the above allergy answer*

91. Do you like your own name? Mostly unless someone is yelling it in my face.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Cute ones but not weird like Apple or North. Why people!? Why?!

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? One of each mostly so they can be raised as equals in the game of life.

94. What are your strengths? Bad judgement calls and poor money handling skills.

95. What are your weaknesses? Peanut butter...thy mortal nemesis of my thighs.

96. How did you get your name? Parents named me it cause you know….reasons.

97. Were your ancestors royalty? Stubborn, thinks they are always right no matter what, lords power over everyone in family, SO MUCH DRAMA…..maybe.

98. Do you have any scars? Already answered this my dude.#39. Look it up.

99. Color of your bedspread? Dark...like my soul!

100. Color of your room? Like every other apartment...white as hell.

#get to know me #irl #not fanfiction #yes i'm weird

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survivorindia · 7 years

Text

Disturbing Patrons with my Mental Breakdown- Kendall (Episode 8)

Okay, soooo. I'm pretty sure all of the returnees threw the challenge RIGHT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW in order to vote out the minority newbies... Aka me.... So, I'm pretty pissed off as it's evident that I'm the only one who actually TRIED at this challenge, when I clearly shouldn't have because I'm extremely sick with strep and should be sleeping all day. SOOO, that was a huge waste of my time and I'm pretty pissed about it... But it's fine, bitches. Satan will see you in hell <3 :*

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE JUST THREW THE CHALLENGE. I have never thrown a challenge before and that was terrifying. If this backfires on me i'm gonna look like a moron but I have good faith. Hopefully bye bye Ruben, Worst case scenario bye bye Casey, Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye allies, and Worst-Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye Jordan

i definitely picked my tribe with the intention of screwing someone over. i think things have revealed themselves nicely on where loyalties still lie, and while one or two people might think they're in the driver's seat, i'm in a good position to shift the gears without them noticing. and that means their car will crash and we all die. hehe. i'm prepared to make a move if we lose immunity, but im not letting that happen. i want to win this one just so i can be safe one more round. figure things out a little more. let tea spill. but i'm not going to let myself make the same mistakes and spill my guts to anyone willing to listen. i'll keep information to myself. i know i'm on the bottom of the returnees alliance and probably the newbies one, too. but i'm content for right now, because ultimately the returnees will start to fall. we'll be picked off one by one. dom wants to throw immunity, and sometimes its not a bad idea to do that, but this round, it needs to not happen. ruben will likely go home but i dont think he trusted me in the first place, so it's his time. sorry.

i'll take his position if he does. lexi needs a #2 and its between robin and myself. i respect robin bc they were there for me when i had no one else there for me. i feel like i've known them for years, but we just met and thats powerful. i have a powerful bond to this person. they're important to me. but this is also a game and i know my competition when i see it. if they have to go at my expense of making it another day, i'll do it. idk if im still a villain or if im becoming a hero. i think that's up for determination.

LOOOL WILD TRIBAL. BUH-BYE, JULIA. GLAD I DIDN'T SEE YOU AHAHAHAAAAA

This is oh so sweet. If everything goes well, bye bye, Ruben! This one's for Johnny.

Can i just say........ HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU JAIDEN FUCK YOU DOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE JULIA LEFT. Lets get down to brief overview and how i feel about it 1) Julia gets voted off.....SO MAD 2) Alex, Dom, Jaiden are in clear alliance of three, split the tribes up so everyones pair is separated...so basically...jordan and I are gone, casey and ash, ruben and lexi ...u get the point. 3) They put me on a tribe to fuck me over...im gone when they make these tribes and I come back to the ugliest tribe ever. Jaiden. Robin. Dom. Lexi. Alexis. Ashley and I. Now Ash and I are just sitting there like.................................i – i- this plan is so obvious??!?!? and do those three boys think its not obvious their together and they did this on purpose to FUCK ME OVER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! um why u so obsessed with me BACK OFF 4) Ashley calls me at work during the comp and TELLS ME DOM IS TRYING TO THROW THE COMPITITION..................to say that the reason hes doing that is to save casey....thats right CASEY. YA RIGHT DOM FUCK OFF WHO DO U THINK WE ARE..........................now lets talk about this because ...................bitch u really want to try me!?! I know those three boys arent as stupid as their moves are coming off!?!? but do they think this is believable!?!?!? Seriously? Im kinda confused because a) They vote julia equalling in jordan and i coming full force on them.....like if ur gonna go for the two headed snake ....dont go for its tail? Sorry but julia was just a number. Jordan and I are the ones who game talk together and as much as i hate playing with him...i love playing with him if that makes any sense. b) you want to throw a competition...to what? To get me out? um....do you underestimate jordan , kendall and I? Yea were on two different tribes but its clearly obvious im fucked over. As if they wouldnt throw this comp. 5) We win immunity....and you would think the way ppl were acting was as if we lost. But it was so obvious everyone of them threw that and im PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [7:00:19 PM] jaiden: that's fucking bullshit [7:00:24 PM] jaiden: I went back and CORRECTED myself [7:00:26 PM] jaiden: i'm pissed [7:00:36 PM] jaiden: I'm glad we won but FUCK. THAT. [7:09:57 PM] Sarah: ARENT U HA;PPPYYY [7:10:00 PM] Sarah: YUHJGEDSXF [7:10:08 PM] jaiden: that would've been sooooooo bad sarah [7:10:19 PM] jaiden: I would've felt like SHIT if we had to go to tribal all because I made a simple mistake ............Jaiden................You had the lowest score on our tribe. And you think i didnt know I was going if we lost?.... “Simple mistake” mhm HUNTY I BELIEVE U FOR SURE Now its kinda obvious what dom is doing and honestly......................................fuck u wtf do u think ur doing being a better player than me? I cant wait till i vote ur ass out. Please take it as a compliment Actually...wait no fuck u binch face motherfuck i hate u anyways so i was thinking that if we lost immunity ...i could come up with a plan. Jordan gives me the idol, it will be publicly shared, Jaiden will immediately come to me freaking out because hes being a fake ass, asking if jordan gave me the idol...I will tell him (in confidence HAHHAHAHAHAHA) that jordan gave me a fake one and that i only did it so people are scared to vote me out. He'll tell dom so they dont switch votes on Ashley. Then when I get majority votes ill idol out my votes, ashley puts one vote on me, i put one vote on dom so it ties. So if dom plays his idol it will be WASTED ANYWAYS. But if they split votes then ill be safe who cares if ashley goes home. Because im safe and in f13!!!!!!!!!! and hopefully merge happens soon so i can stop doing this. But its ok bc im gonna pray kendall and jordan throw the next comp. Honestly I love Kendall so much I want a f2 with her now that Julia is gone. So watch out for that in the future. http://i.imgur.com/D8kFHyf.gif DONT MESS WITH ME I WILL SELL MY SOUL JUST TO MAKE SURE I MAKE MERGE

Candle added Jordan Pines to this conversation. From: Candle Jordan you know I adore you Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Jordan Pines oh no Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Candle But if you want to make a group chat, do it yourself Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Candle From: Jordan Pines hahahaha Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Jordan Pines this callout XDDDDDD Sent on: 2:10 pm I couldn't have said that better myself Sent From: Candle Kay well I’ve made my point so get off my lawn you damn youngings Sent on: 2:11 pm Candle has removed Jordan Pines from this conversation Candle has removed Gavin from this conversation AYYYYYYYE. YES. KENDALL. YES.

I hate getting lied to at Tribal Councils, but Julia left which is actually a good thing and kind of my fault oops. It's Kendall all over again in Malaysia.

But yeah, things got messy but I got to pick my tribe for the tribe swap. Jaiden and I got on call and decided we were going to split everyone up (Sarah/Jordan, Ruben/Lexi, Casey/Dom), so that's really fun and exciting. It'll be neat to see how everything goes with the pairs being split. Gavin and I are still together which is sweet.

I'm pissed about the vote count at Tribal. Jaiden ruined my no vote streak, but at least he did it on Day 87 for me not getting votes, which is my favorite number.

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I haven't been having fun in India and I never really knew why. It wasn't as though I was losing, it wasn't as though I was in any danger. I was just bored... it felt like something was missing, aside from my soul. So I had a heart to heart with myself over a cup of coffee. I went up to me and said "Me, what's wrong? I've been acting sadder then I usually am, what's wrong egg?" I simply gave myself a shrug and sadly responded "I dunno, I really want to have fun but something is missing... it feels like I am going through the motions," I gave myself a sad sigh. "Oh me, what am I going to with I? How am I going to win a game that I don't have the will to even play," It was at this time I was politely, but sternly, asked to leave by the Starbuck's Barista because I was "disturbing patrons with my mental breakdown," Which was bullshit by the way, I've had like 6 mental breakdown and they are not nearly as tame as me talking to myself. And so, as I argued with the barista and as threatened to call the cops, I had a realization. I have been experiencing the human emotion known as 'pouting'. I have given up because I felt like I had no opportunity to get to the end, that I was either going to get dragged as a goat or voted pre merge. But I have things I can use to my advantage. I don't have to lie down and play dead. If I just pretend to be a good little soldier until merge, reconvene with Sarah and some others, I could do something incredible. For now I just need to play nice. I have decided to stick with my allies. Not because I suddenly grew a brain. Not because I felt some sort of kinship with them or 'friendship'. It's just the best thing I can do Here is an elaboratation on my reasoning the form of a chart: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qPAkC4IhbNWgE2II29QqNaQFR1rgckfBEK_yKCOat5A/edit?usp=sharing

Oh right, I almost forgot to mention during my ego maniacal ramblings. We are going to probably through the challenge to save Sarah (For strictly strategic purposes... I promise). I say probably because nothing has been confirmed. TBH if we lose, even if it is unintentionally, I'm about 80% sure Jordan Pines will claim that he meant to do it. Welp that's a common side effect of working with a narcissist. What are you gonna do?

Okay so FUCK this tribe swap. I am literally stuck on a tribe of people I have like never even spoken to, that is my fault of course, but damn how did I get so unlucky? Jaiden says he chose me because I am good in challenges and that I am a nice person, I mean that is nice and all but I am now separated from Gavin, Jordan, Alex, literally anyone who I actually liked and was hoping to really get to work with. This counting challenge is also a goddamn mess. Dom has gotten us like -25,000 points already ON PURPOSE. He tells me he likes me and isn't coming after me, but that leaves only two other returnees on our tribe that he could go after; Jaiden and Sarah. Sarah is kind of certain that Jaiden and Dom are working together, which kind of goes against the whole "newbies vs. villains" thing they are trying to start. But who knows. I can only hope the guys on the other tribe will also try throwing some challenges to give Sarah and I a chance over here on this tribe. They don't want newbies to have majority either.

Jaiden picked me to be on his tribe so that was perfect because I really did not want to be on the other tribe. Lexi spoke to me a bit and let me know that Ruben talked highly of me and how she was fond of me for that reason Robin's nice Jaiden's cool and we've both wanted to be on the same tribe for quite a while now so that finally happened Ashley rarely ever speaks to me and forgets to reply constantly Sarah only now started talking to me a bit more since she believes she's in the minority and Jordan probably said she could flip me Dom is a bit suspicious at times but I believe he trusts me and that he wants to take the newbies far I lost it again last night after the results, I should have done my confessional then but everyone already assumes I'm already crazy so maybe we'll save that for later. I feel a bit more calm now but last night I wanted to request tribal and still do sort of but I don’t think it’s possible. I wish I threw the challenge since I hate when the other tribe gets what they want and I don’t want Ruben to go. I like this Lexi, Robin, Dom group going on so I am hoping to solidify that soon and I think they assume it’s newbies vs returnees still. I’m hoping that by some miracle, a returnee gets voted out and apparently Dom just handed Ruben an idol. I believe Jordan assumes I’m closest with him still and that’s why Sarah has been trying to talk to me more lmao! I like Jordan so we'll see where that goes but he's controlling a huge part of the game as of now. Sarah should have tried a bit earlier to speak to me because now it seems like desperation, but I’ll keep playing this middle role, it amuses me. Sarah said she only really talks to Ashley so that's nothing new since I assumed she was close with her from that returnee alliance before the swap. Here’s to hoping the next challenge is something easily thrown so we can finally say goodbye to Sarah or Ashley :)

That was honestly a messy challenge result. I don't necessarily blame anyone for throwing though. I didn't know I was in the negatives so I'm sure everyone probably made mistakes they didn't catch. I'm worried for Ruben. He's the only one from my old alliance on the other tribe. Dom gave him his idol though so he'll hopefully be safe. On another note, I've been talking to the other Lexi. To be honest, if started off because I confused her for lexi my ally. We're getting along pretty well. She's definitely someone I'd like to work with in the future. Jaiden's also pretty cool so I have my bases covered once we go to tribal

#youdontgetmycrownjustcause

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