#because who am i if im not making fake twitter and reddit posts for my famous trolls

[raitrolling]

my brain is still percolating the forensic pathologist/cosplayer idea...

tho i had an idea for the way they look and i was like. hm what if they had a kinda messyish fringe with long strands on the sides and one of those tiny fluffy high ponytails. maybe they should wear a long white coat as well- goddammit fuck thats just glasya again. shit.

[booksbroadwaybbc]

I feel irredeemable and like i am a bad person over something petty. via /r/selfimprovement

I feel irredeemable and like i am a bad person over something petty.

i am a 16 year old girl, and what i feel sad about is something that seems silly. so excuse me if this sounds really, really dumb XD

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people i used to be friends with are turning against me for the games i enjoy..

i used to fake my personality for about a year. it was because of my low self-esteem over a friendship that turned abusive.(suicide threats and stuff from the other person) i was 13

i made a tumblr then, and made friends with this group of people over tumblr, when i started to open up to them, it took a bad turn.. and now they hate me and are trying to spread gossip about me saying i dont deserve support for my artwork.

in the past, they turned against people in their friend group multiple times, kicking people out over silly things. they would get mad at people for otherkin, liking hetalia, and doing gore roleplays. really petty stuff.

i never thought it would happen to me XD but i was so wrong

i started to open up to these people, showing them who i was behind the people pleasing mask i had on. it seemed okay for a while, until one day someone private messaged me saying they didn't like how much i enjoyed one of funamusea's characters. they started to claim that fiction affects reality, and that i'd get a bad reputation.

i simply told him, no, i wont stop liking this character because it is merely fiction. i am doing no harm to anyone, and that i dont care about my reputation anymore. they got very, very angry..the people in that group quickly found out i disagreed, and they all turned against me. they posted my url on twitter, and sent me hate messages when i posted art they didn't enjoy.

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and then, just a few weeks ago, i was talking to a middle school friend who i was trying to get back in touch with, and we had a discussion about fire emblem. she said i should not like it, that i shouldn't like fe fates specifically because of the homophobia in it. i told her that i think its fine i enjoy fire emblem, it doesnt necessarily mean i am homophobic because i like the game. (im lesbian too so it makes no sense) i did not want to agree with her because i am heavily interested in fire emblem and it brings me joy

so her and her friend took this and started using examples to convince me: discussing about detroit become human, and attack on titan, saying if anyone liked these things the person should be avoided at all costs, giving me reasons why. i told them that was kind of silly, and i got turned against again..telling me that they would contact anyone they see enjoying my art saying how rude i am. and that i don't think critically. and that they agree with the people who initially turned against me about how gross i was.

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now i have deactivated my tumblr account, because i don't want to give any of them any power.

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i will admit, i have made many stupid mistakes these past few years. i have been manipulative, i have been mean. i joined these people's gossip once when i was their friends. i called people bad names behind their backs. im trying to fix these things and guilt tripping and such. i used a lot of guilt tripping when they started to turn against me, and i realize that now and i'm aiming to fix that and me being prone to drama.

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TL:DR section

but i just feel horrible and irredeemable, and that i'll never meet new friends who wont turn against me or use me for some purpose. i do have friends that don't do that, but i don't have many friends.. i fear every day that they will turn against me too. i fear that the people who already have turned against me are reading this right now and are going to use it in some callout post against me. i'm so paranoid all the time because of all this.

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i dont want to be these people's friends again. i just want to stop feeling like a bad person over all this silly stuff! i feel like a laughing stock and that everyone has their eyes on me now. i just want to be able to enjoy fire emblem and stuff and not have to be all open about how i "critically enjoy this media -3-" from the get-go. i just want to be myself and not worry about this stuff all the time but i end up back in the loop of self hatred still..

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does anyone have any advice?

Submitted September 30, 2018 at 05:44AM by slugabugbee via reddit https://ift.tt/2NVepQ4