#because what do you mean you didnt think we'd actually get together

[lordkuntfuck]

I am one of the people that believe chim has no idea about Buddie

Like don't get me wrong i do think he makes jokes about them and like when they do something extra gay, him and Hen will share a look

But he doesn't actually think it's anything serious, it's just banter innit

But then they finally start dating and tell everyone and while the rest of them are like oh finally thank god and collecting bets and whatnot

Chimney is just standing there in shock, like jaw dropped, because hold on what

Like truly the thought of them actually getting together had just never crossed his mind for some reason

Just think that would be hilarious

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for yelling at my friend?

this ones a long one.

bg info

so we're both 15, and he's done this thing a couple times where he'll create a new groupchat and exclude certain people who he's not as close to.

to me, this is mean, and i've spoken to him calmly about it before but he kinda just brushes it off and says he's just including close friends.

its also relevant that previously i may have enabled him. like, theres a girl neither of us like and we'd make fun of her sometimes, though not to her face, which is probably worse. i'm trying to be nicer to her but i dont get along with her very well.

on top of that, the origin of the gc we use now is that there was a bigger one and he told me "i just don't feel comfortable with some of these people". so i created a new group chat and let him pick who got added, with the agreement that we'd have to come to an agreement before adding more ppl, just for the sake of everyones comfort.

not sure if this is actually relevant or if im just salty but he doesn't spend time with the people in the gc at school, he sits with a group of juniors n seniors for lunchtimes and only comes around every so often. not sure if he's just spending one-on-one time with everyone or if he's actually not hanging out with us anymore.

into the actual inciting incident

today, we were talking about the groupchat to a friend we'd made recently and added today. he offhandedly mentioned one of the smaller groupchats he'd made for closer friends, and how no one had used it. i got really mad about how casual he was about something i thought was mean of him to do, so i told him something like "i just think that it's a rude thing to do."

and he said something like "well im just including our close friends", we kept going like this for a bit, and I yelled at him "why are the only people that matter the ones YOU like?" and there was more of a kerfuffle i don't remember, but i did in fact cry (self-provoked, he didnt say anything). i apologized for being so dramatic, and he left. it was class time so i left too, and my sister drives me and she had work so i left school really fast.

we have a little routine where we watch a show together on call though and he said yes when i asked about that. after asking him abt our show, i texted him n apologized for yelling at him n asked to talk but i said that i still thought that the way he treats people kinda sucks. no response.

what people irl said

like one person said that i was brave? and that they shoulve said something. the girl we added didnt say anything, and my other friend asked if i was okay after it was all over

why i might be an asshole

i think im being kinda on a moral high-horse when ive enabled and even kinda participated in this behavior before and ofc, yelling was very much an overreaction on my part

additionally, its not exactly a choice to not get along with some people?

why he might be an asshole

excluding people on purpose and ignoring my attempts to talk things out.

with the bias filter on, this behavior is pretty self-centered, because he doesn't hang out with us much at all, and he's never very invested in any of our interests or issues, but he still gets to dictate who gets to be in the "close friends" group chat?

for any advice

i really don't want to drop him as a friend, not just because i like spending time with him, which is most of it. the other part of it is that im really scared of what will happen if he gets mad at me, because i don't want to break up the friendgroup into people taking sides, and to a lesser extent im scared that if that does happen no one will take my side in that conflict. it just doesn't seem worth it to get into a blowout with him about this when i don't want to lose anyone.

thanks for reading all that, this is mostly just to organize my thoughts. render moral judgement at will.

What are these acronyms?

[mournmage]

2 , 3 or 5 for the codex asks!

5. a note/letter found in your OC’s pocket

---

[A neatly folded note with deep creases, indicating its been read more than a handful of times yet treated with the utmost care.]

Amaris,

Wow, feels weird to first name you even on paper. I don't think you'll ever see this, at least I don't really intend for you to. But if it does end up in your hands someday, then it was probably meant to one way or another. I just wanted to write my thoughts down either way and get them out of my head while they're fresh.

You know, when Varric first introduced us, I wasn't really sure what to think of you. All he told me beforehand was thay you were some mage from Nevarra he found sulking around a bar one night and you were good in a fight, and that he trusted you to help us. And that was enough at the time. If Varric trusted you, I could too.

I will say though, I did think you were weird. Still do actually, although Emmrich has you beat by a long shot even if you two are massive nerds together. But between the bones tattooed on your fingers and all the bad jokes at the wrong times, you definitely didnt give me the best first impression.

But y'know? Maybe that's why you ended up being a good leader in Varric's stead. Not necessarily because of the necromancy mind you, but just because you're this kinda weird glue that holds everyone together? It took a lot to get everyone here on the same page and somehow, you of all people managed. No matter how much you might doubt your leadership skills, I'd say thats a pretty big win.

But even more than that, you believed in me. Whenever I wasn't sure of myself, whenever I didn't know what we should do, you had my back. Either with something encouraging to say, or again with a bad joke that meant well, you were there for me. That means a lot, maybe more than you'll ever know.

I guess all of that is to say, don't think that I don't see how hard you are on yourself. Everyone does really (you're not great at hiding it) but I've seen it from the beginning. And for what its worth, I don't think you should be. Because in the end, you've done pretty good by all of us. I dunno if we'd be standing here and now if it wasn't for you leading us at the helm.

No matter what happens, at least know I've got your back, same way you've got mine. We'll get through this fight together.

Your friend,

Lace ~

[In a much messier scrawl at the very bottom of the page]

Found this while looking through Lace's stuff. Didn't read it, just saw your name was on it. Figured you might want it.

[peachenle]

get to know me game!

tagged by @dearhee ty!!

tagging: @end-hyphen @ozymandia-s and anyone else who'd like to participate! This is a long shabang so no pressure hehe . me realizing i need more active moots O_O anyone wanna be friends

birthday: may 4th! im a quadruple taurus 0:

favourite colour: i think pink or purple?!

do you have pets? i have one dog

how tall are you? im ~172 cm

how many pairs of shoes do you own? i only really use like 5 pairs i think! i have sneakers, heels, two crocs and then loafers!

favourite song: my toppest mostest favoritest is dive by jooyoung! then fever by enhypen :D

favourite movie: ponyo

who would be your ideal partner? i mean i bias chenle and jake so im into really happy and bright people LOL realistically though, i think heeseung is more my type? if i were to choose an idol. he's really passionate, we share similar hobbies (gaming), and i think hes fuckin goofy bruh LMAO i'd really like him!

do you want children? i have MAD baby fever, but id only think i'd have 1

have you gotten in trouble with the law? the only time was when i lived in korea and we had a get together when gatherings of more than 6 people weren't allowed because of covid - the cops came and took our info, but they just told us to go home lol

what colour socks are you wearing? i have none on rn heh

favourite type of music: as much as i listen to different genres i cant deny i listen to kpop and krnb the most!

how many pillows do you sleep with? i have 4 on my bed but i only really use 2

what position do you sleep in? always on my side! but i move around a LOT

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: any sort of light - i need it DARK

what do you have for breakfast: depends on the day, recently ive been eating a lot of avocado toast and eggs!

have you ever tried archery? yes actually LOL i used to take lessons.

favourite fruit: strawberries, watermelon, apples!

are you a good liar? no i think LOL

what’s your personality type? estj was my last result last year but i think im getting more introverted...

innie or outie? innie O_O

left handed or right handed? right!

favourite food: hmmm ill say galbi jjim for right now, or hotpot

favourite foreign food: sushi

am i clean or messy? messy tbh

most used phrase: man i be talking in tiktok right now - but i say "bruh" or "oh em gee" a lot ahhh

how long does it take for you to get ready: depends on the day, im usually quite slow but im the fastest amongst my friends so.. maybe i just think im slow. i dont do anything crazy for makeup but im indecisive about clothes

do you talk to yourself? always - hence why i enjoy twitch streaming lol

do you sing to yourself? yup!

are you a good singer? naur

biggest fear? not being happy with my career lol

are you a gossip? hell yea

do you like long or short hair? on me - long. on boys? like maybe in the middle. jakes hair rn is perfecttt

favourite school subject: in high school i loved english (i mean .. i read and write a lot LOL). i got an award for being the top english student! right now im just vibing...

extrovert or introvert: can i say ambivert but like /gen - there are days i love being alone and others where i will die without talking to a human

what makes you nervous: just... not being smart enough/not knowing enough

who was your first real crush? my first real one was HARDDDD - im not including childhood ones bc i had too many of those. but my first real one was a good friend of my friend. then we became REALLYYY close, and this was during quarantine, so i didnt see him irl much. so we'd play games and watch anime together EVERY NIGHT... like it was routine for 2 months straight. and then i drunkenly confessed and it was bad bad bad. LOOL we're still friends, albeit not as close, and i've grown and moved on! but in hindsight, not the best time. I was heart broken for months ahhh

how many piercings? 10!

how many tattoos? 2!

how fast can you run? nawt as fast as i used to...

what colour is your hair? blackk

what colour are your eyes? brown

what makes you angry: mansplainers, pick me people... etc theres nothing really specific but im a natural born #hater so.. .LMMAOOO

do you like your name? yeye! i dont go by my birth name much anymore, but i like it

do you want a boy or a girl as a child? i dont think id care

what are your strengths? idk i think i do a good aussie accent. jk but ummm im currently in a rut about myself so im workin on it!

what are your weaknesses? hmmm im a ppl pleaser, but at the same time im really stubborn. i cant commit to many things lolol... etc

what is the colour of your bedspread? grey

colour of your room: ldk its like beige lol - but my furniture is like a pastel blue/grey?

[castlebyersafterdark]

Especially as a gay guy who with no hesitation crushed on so many straight male celebs without an ounce of whatever the hell this girl's mindset was. They're never going to meet you, let alone propose marriage!!

wow that story about your friend was so interesting! i imagine such a formative part of growing up queer is these 'hopeless' crushes, so why does her (straight) scenario hinge on whether they could actually be together? its as though her fantasy hinged on a glimmer of possibility. on hope. hmmm.

i think when we play pretend, even as kids, there's this impossibly simultaneous belief of two opposite things: that its both real and not real. the key is that they are balanced and both true somehow - so i could daydream about billie joe armstrong from this one magazine poster pasted on my bedroom wall for years but i def knew i wouldnt and probs didnt even want to meet him! i mean, i was like 13 and he was an adult, which kids now are freaking out about, but i didnt think twice about crushing on him because i wasnt hoping to meet or actually marry him lol.

but i guess today with social media where we can glimpse these people's lives, our fantasies become more 'possible' and the real-not real balance gets thrown out of whack. honestly i think it either spoils the fantasy (oh no theyre human after all) or it makes people believe they could actually be friends with celebs (because theyre human! yay!)... and like, yeah, technically, but when i see people saying 'i just need to meet them and we'd be besties' it always makes me cringe, because parasocial relationships make people forget that relationships really really are two-sided. and your fav celeb might just not... like you that much. or they might just be a bit boring irl for more than the length of a tiktok video lol.

idk, i've worked in jobs where i've met a fair share of celebs i admire from many different fields, and its amazing, the difference between idea of them and the presence they have in person. after that i decided i didnt like to meet my heroes because the imbalance felt so weird to me.

so maybe your friend knowing this guy was gay, it ruined her balance of real-not real make believe. whereas i assume you, knowing you were having gay crushes on straight dudes from a young age (</3), probably had this self awareness and so your fantasies hinged on something other than possibility. did you also like any celebs who were rumoured about, like prince or bowie? as i recall there was some ambiguous sexuality in the 00s alt scene, but who knows how much was for show? (mcr springs to mind)

Yeah, I definitely think it's very common across the board for a lot of people that once something interferes with their fantasy, it just breaks them a little. Which I always just find so odd because celebrity crushes are so far from reality so why does it matter so much?? Absolutely different if it's someone you know irl, you're into them, and then you either find out they have a SO, they're not sexually compatible, or they just... don't want you haha. Add a very thick layer of 'they'll never want you' to celebrities because while yes, famous people do get with non famous people, you crushing on someone famous as you go about your day to day normal life is a lot different than a random encounter that is so rare it's not even worth mentioning as logic to this situation. People get upset when they find out the celeb they like is dating someone. Or they come out. Or whatever. The make-believe really warps some people. (This could be a whole discussion on the rabid Mlvn fan issue, as a meltdown on the verge due to their ship sinking and their ideal fantasy world centered on Mike/El crumbling down, breaking their brains)

For example, I've made it pretty clear I have a big gay embarrassing crush on Finn. What does it matter though haha I will never meet that man. Don't want to, and I'm also very happy and smitten and secure in my personal life. It's just normal human attraction. Talent and being hot is appealing. I'm just a random fan. Same as everyone else! I could talk for hours about the parasocial epidemic but you said enough so I'll let that one sit. Also, I don't think I'd like him less if it turns out he's straight. Still follow his career. Still think he's fine as hell. I'll just probably like him more if he's on this side. That's my honest take.

And totally sad for kids that their peers and people older than them are promoting this thought-crime culture that it's weird or wrong to fantasize about other people, especially those older. That's just life!! It doesn't mean anything. It's admiration, it's aspirational, it's learning about yourself.

And to your last point, I can't remember all my crushes when I was young, mostly actors in shows or movies rather than musicians. Bowie and Prince would have been too old for me to even give a second thought about haha but I'm sure they were so validating for people a little further back, unless this just meant like them. I mean there were celebs that were out or who were rumored of course, but the biggest one I can think of was Lee Pace, esp during the height of the Hobbit filming. I was really into those movies in high school. He had rumors, which turned out to be true! So, there's an example that worked out actually.

This is kinda embarrassing now but my dream man growing up was Shaun White. Memory lane stuff right there, goddddd 🫣🤣

[loopy777]

Yeah, the brutal demand for quality and excelence in the japanese weekly grind for Manga artists means that even the best of them experience burnout at some point or discover their plans didnt quite go as they wanted it too.

Because of this, even excelent manga tend to have at least one terrible or subpar arc, when things just did not come together.

As i said, i think there are plenty of better manga and animes that FMA, but there are very few of them that doesnt have such a dip in quality at some point.

And thats the series that are overall good, plentyu have a bad arc and never really recover. Naruto pre timeskip was better than FMA, and the peak of what shonen could be... Post timeskip it eventually fell off a cliff.

Bleach had a very interesting world, and peaked during an arc where it essentially was a giant murder/political mystery... With a spectacular plot twist at the end... But it never managed to reach that level of quality again, and meandered through to a finish line, where both anime and manga got cacencled at different points(despite what some like to argue) for shitty quality. Hell the manga was cut short during the final battle itself. Thats really bad.

The list goes on and on.

To be fair, one bad arc isn't exactly limited to manga, or shonen. You'll find it in many excellent series.

Hell, while not really an arc, even ATLA, amazing as it was had one episode which almost all fans utterly despises.

Also about the peanut gallery... Us talking about it, actuqlly reminded me that one of the best Fights Luffy ever had, actually had the Villain, Katakuri, basically go:

"Damn this peanut gallery is annoying... Lets get rid of them before we kick things into high gear."

And then he knocks them the fuck out so that him and luffy can have an epic battle in peace. It's not the funniest scene in the world, but when i actually look at it on a meta level, yeah, this fight is so much better speciffically cause Katakuri removed the damned commentary track.

Okay, that's almost worth going through all of One Piece to get to, considering my gripe. XD

I have to wonder about the weekly grind for manga compared to American comics. Sure, you can cover a lot more territory in 50 issues a year compared to 12, but in practice, does that hold up for most action manga? Is having a single writer-artist superior to having a writer who works with a rotating artist team?

I would argue that having a full writing team is inferior to a single writer, and American comics seem to agree with me as writers these days seem to stick around for an uninterrupted run for at least a year before leaving and never looking back, and that's when the book isn't writer-owned. But considering manga art is a group effort, anyway, it seems like it would be a simple shift to having a larger team who do every other issue or something like that.

And a shift to every other week as a standard probably wouldn't be hard to accommodate. It still gets installments out fairly frequently, and I'd argue that manga has largely decompressed in order to manage its update schedule, so I think we'd see a natural speed up in pace and the storytelling wouldn't be any slower. I suspect that even the writers who don't fumble things just learn how to stretch things or tread water with their stories in order to give themselves time to recharge or resolve creative issues, so giving them that week's buffer would just result in things tightening up.

But I'm just speculating as an ignorant Audience. I can't draw, I've never written anything professionally, I've never even worked on an amateur comic, and I know very little about the manga industry except that they come out bundled in weekly anthology magazines and about 15,000 mangaka die every year from overwork. As someone from an engineering background, my solution when a machine is burning itself out is to run it slower or stop covering up the vents. And I have no idea what that second option would look like in the comic industry.

[sweatersstyles]

HIIII happy (late) 4th of july!!

you are literally the sweet person to ever exist i can’t believe its been like 2 years since we last spoke. its crazy how time flies

oh noooo im sorry that happened to you :(( im glad ur doing better and taking good care of yourself 💓💓 wishing u a speedy recovery!

alsoooo good luck with house hunting! that must be so exciting!!looking for a new place to call home and making new memories in it! i just know youll find the most beautiful homey and perfect place!! im manifesting for u

im doing well!! not much happened except for school stuff but i just went to my first ever pit concert a few months ago! i saw the driver era (only because i thought ross lynch was hot lol) i didnt know what to expect for pit but i didn’t expect to stand for 8 hours straight 😭😭 AHHHH ALSO im seeing taylor swift in a few weeks and i literally cannot wait!!!!

im always thinking about u! talk to u soon!! good luck 🍀 love youuuuuuu!!! 💗💓💓💞💕

-🧸

happy late 4th of july to you too bestie!! I hope you had a great day!!

I'm sorry for the delay in answering this btw it's been storming here so my wi-fi has been in and out all day!

omg stop you're so kind to me I genuinely love talking to everyone and I consider you and many others here my friends so y'all make it easy to just repay the love I've been given!!

it's actually only been a year bub! I only know because I looked it up to refresh my memory about what we talked about before cause like I said a lot had happened and I couldn't remember if we'd talked since my accident. it was last year after my birthday and after harry's house came out. but really it's alright I don't want you to feel bad!

thank you so much for the well wishes ❤ I realized after that I left some detail out of what happened to me and didn't explain it very well, but if I ramble on too much just feel free to skip over it! basically not only was I kicked but I went flying about 8 feet across my yard too, which caused me to have a compression fracture on T11 of my spine. I also had a contusion on my right hip (which is just a really, really deep and bad bruise), which is where the point of impact was. I will (hopefully) continue to improve, but having arthritis still causes me to have a ton of pain if I do too much physical activity. that part of my spine is also partly collapsed and always will be, but my neurosurgeon said that as long as my arms and legs are still okay that I should just slowly start to get back to "normal" life and listen to my body as I go along! I asked if I needed to keep up with x-rays or anything over the years but he said my symptoms would get much, much worse if the collapse got any worse and I would know I need to come back to see him. he also said IF I would've had to have surgery that it would take like 12 pins and a huge rod to correct things so I'm so SO lucky that things weren't any worse!

thank you so much for helping us manifest!!! it means more than you'll ever know because it hasn't been easy so far trying to find a place 😔 we live in such a rural area in GA and we originally wanted to stay in the same town because I was supposed to start a new job in january and we wanted to be close to my work. I probably won't get to take that job now (which is a whole other long story), and since there are very limited options we're probably gonna have to broaden our search to surrounding towns that are slightly bigger! we ultimately want a house together, but I think we're gonna have to settle for an apartment for now until we can find the perfect place for us. anything would be better than here rn though!!!

idk if I've ever talked much about my dad to you but we have as no contact of a relationship as possible even though we live in the same house. he's the reason for my accident and so the day it happened and we were waiting for the ambulance to come my mom told him that we wouldn't be coming back to this house. but then we had no choice we didn't have the money or resources needed to go elsewhere. I was worried as I got better she would forget about that and slip out of that mindset, but thankfully she hasn't! she just told me tonight we'd probably go look at apartments next week and that she can't wait to get out of here. I could truly cry at the thought of having a safe, clean, and comfortable space away from him. it's what my mom, my siblings, and our dogs all deserve!

how is school going? how much longer do you have to go? and oohh I'm so happy you got to experience a concert in pit!! it's amazing but it is soooo exhausting I hope you got lots of rest afterward 😊 when I saw harry I wore my ankle support thing to my pit concert to because I knew my feet would be swollen the next day probably. and taylor swift that's so cool!! I'm very excited for you!! I hope you have the best time!!! where are your seats for that show?

I'm always thinking about you too!! seriously sometimes I'll just think about you or how you're doing so just know you're always getting any spare good vibes I have sent your way ✨ thank you thank you for the good luck!!! love you moreeeee 🤍

I was gonna tell you about getting to see stevie nicks and my road trip to see my little brother but I talked so much this time we'll save those stories for next time if you wanna hear about them!!

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

i've been watching a lot of bts content lately and one thing i can't get over is how behind the scenes , jikook are veryy rarely not together? now i have people i'd deadass call soulmate, yet we're not attached to the hip 24/7? and it's not even just me lol , i live in a very multiculti place and i've never seen two people who are always together like that ( that werent partners ofc). i actually didnt really think much of jikook before but now i'm just eh ??

Yes definitely are the two in the group who gravitate towards each other the most. I've always believed and said that, at least within BTS, they are that person for each other. I've no way of knowing if when they have the chance to hang out with other people they still choose to hang out with each other (apart from Jungkook's birthdays), but at least they very obviously have chosen to hang around each other for years while they're working as BTS.

Mmm for me, there's a gender and age element to it. Here where I live, in my culture, women are together all the time. When I was in high school, some of my friends had activities after school (tennis, swimming, that kind of stuff) and I would go with them sometimes and watch them play and wait for them by the side of the court. I had my english lessons and my friends would know exactly what time I went in and got out and they would wait for me outside the school so we'd hang out. When I started college, it was the same but with different friends; girls I would walk to and from class because we wanted to, and then on the weekend we'd go out.

Back in middle school I had a friend who lived a few blocks away from me; I was at her house almost everyday. In high school it was the same, I had a friend who lived two blocks away from me and we would hang out almost every afternoon, ride bikes together, go for runs together, skate together. We weren't even that close at first but like that, doing things together, she became one of my best friends and I even ended up falling in love with her.

In college too I had a friend who lived in the building next to mine and she would randomly text me "come sleep with me" and I'd grab my stuff and walk to her place in my pajamas.

I have my cousins and my sister with whom I spend lotssss and I mean LOTS of time together, doing everything together. I'm not a "distance makes the heart grow fonder" type of person at all lmao, distance means distance. Whoever said that quote in the first place was trying to break ties with someone else if I'm honest.

Anyways, sorry if this is messy.

It's completely "acceptable" and normal for two girls in high school or early college to do all that. As time goes by, you're expected to and also just life happens and by the time you're 30 you don't do as much sleepovers with your girl friends as you did in high school or college. And if you're 30 and sleeping in the same bed with your friend several nights a week, it's not crazy to think you two might be in a relationship. So yeah, even if you're 30 and still want to platonically sleep with your bestie in the same bed, it can come off as... weird, at the least. Because by the time you're 30 you are expected to, and a lot of people actually want to get a steady partner or job or get rich so they're all working towards goals like that. I think that BTS already being settled so early in life, they already have some things crossed off their lists, like steady job, or money, so it's completely normal if they are looking for steady partners. Since their professional careers seem kind of laid out already, if I were them, my next step would be to focus on my love life.

For men, here in my culture, it's not really common to spend that much time together. Like, if two guys in high school or college are that close the same as two women, it's already an extraordinary friendship. If two guys past their 25s are still together 24/7 then idk. I don't think it's that common with korean men either.

So having all that in mind, yeah. If jikook spend as much time together off camera, as they do on camera, then there's something weird about that relationship. Not weird in a bad sense, just weird as in it's not really the norm, considering gender (male) and age (past their mid 20s). They aren't living together right now, but the fact they did live together for a while is definitely interesting, to say the least and it's interesting no matter the culture.

[freebooter4ever]

So ive alluded to but havent really talked about the emotional roller coaster the past few months have been (aside from complaining regularly about housing search, sorry about that)

When i was house sitting and staying at the artist's house on the hill back in october, i was calling nick a lot, like a few times a week i think, my only excuse being i was super lonely living there alone. And he started talking about us living on a boat together again. He's mentioned this before - i believe it was a daydream of his early on when we first met. And you know how i am with good storytellers. Complete sucker. I think it was like the second time we went out on a not-date, after wandering around squirrel hill / sitting in te cafe talking for like five hours, he just started describing how he imagined me on a boat. Obviously in a more eloquent way than how im making it sound.

But anyway it sounded like recently he got an offer to rebuild (and own) a 1950's wooden sailboat and so he was spinning these grand ideas of what adventures we could have, and that i should join him on the east coast and we'd sail all over, living and working on this boat. And im totally crazy because i actually considered it, seriously thought about it. Ive been hating my life here for so long, that an escape sounded ideal.

I knew i would never - im too determined to make my career work whatever the fuck that means. And i think i know that if i give up and leave this city now i will literally never come back because i discovered i kind of hate it.

Fast forward to thanksgiving - the news broke about WDI moving to florida. i didnt think about it until while on a walk i unexpectedly ran into an old friend who pre-pandemic worked for WDI here and in japan and he confirmed that, yes, ALL of imagin**ring is being moved. (also that yes its definitely a power play)

Like you all know how obsessed i am with living in glendale, i still remember how i almost cried even just driving THROUGH glendale when i first came to LA in 2018. Just seeing that name on the damn freeway signs. Id only ever read that name in countless books on imagine*ring and the Parks. I dID get to live in glendale for a few years, and let me tell you it never got old putting that city down on letters and stuff. It was like i was SO CLOSE to this weird nebulous sort of daydream ive had since i was 10. I had this idea that id go out to california and live like the people did in those books - living in this mysterious glendale place, traveling worldwide for research, spending lazy weekends in the parks studying and observing like walt used to do. Obviously that didnt happen lol.

But now with this news of the move to florida...ugh. I think i might go back and rewatch justin's old old videos about releasing childhood dreams so you can find something better. Because that just killed mine. I knew the corporate culture at the mouse was becoming...toxic. Rumors abound. But there's also enough good things happening around it that i thought maybe that would be worth it despite the shit. But now??? Ugh i have a few friends who spent some time as imag*ne*rs in florida...they hated it. Said it was like living in tourist land 24/7. My one friend hated it so much he moved back to nyc. Yeah. He gave up sunshine and working a dream job to go back to snow and cold just so he could live in a 'real' city again lol.

I dont know what i want to do anymore. Without imagin**ring i dont even know why im here anymore. The founder of my research project i worked in after college idolized WDI too. He actually got the chance to work with them on some projects for VR back in the 90's. He's got a plaque in w* d* world in florida with his name and his quote on it commemerating him after he died. There's a photo of me and my research team all standing around the plaque proudly. But he always insisted he was first and foremost an academic, even if his childhood dream may have been more along the lines of being an imag*neer. And you know the whole time i was working with that project, and kind of keeping in the back of my mind my own end goal of how i wanted to live this magical socal imagin**ring lifestyle...i always kind of thought that he was an academic because he couldnt have made it as an imag*neer, just wasnt at that level. I never stopped to consider that it might have been a choice. I feel a little shitty for that now.

Anyway how do you cure a broken heart over dreams? And the answer is tragically not going to be go escaping with nick on some boat...that most recent phone call reminded me just how much he randomly turns on me in anger and i can never figure out wtf i did. I may admire him greatly for everything he is in life, but we wouldn't last two days alone together lol.

[fydream]

44 | previous | next | m.list | main m.list |

a/n: hi yes! another differently formatted chapter! word count is 2.2k, so it’s not that long. also this semi-proof read sorry (meaning i did proof reading and editing while writing it but i didnt give it one last over view.. again, sorry) hope u like it! :D 

You sigh as you swing your legs back and forth from the countertop you were sitting on. Currently, you, Renjun, Chenle, and Jeno were all at Hyuck's house hanging out. Your sigh catches the attention of Renjun which prompts him to ask "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." You say, trying to brush it off.

He furrows his eyebrows. "It's not nothing. If it's bothering you this much why don't we talk about it?"

You pout at him, hoping he'll pick up a sign that you don't want to, but still he insists that you tell him what's wrong.

"Well.." You mumble. "Jisung said he wanted to talk to me tonight.."

"Sorry, what?" Renjun asks. "I didn't hear you."

"Jisung said.. he wanted to meet up to explain everything." You say, a little louder this time.

"Jisung what?!" Renjun exclaims, getting the attention of everyone else in the room.

You sigh in defeat as you watch Jeno tense at the name of his ex-friend.

"What's this about Jisung?" Jeno asks.

"Nothing." You mumble, trying to find something else to talk about.

"No no, it's okay. I won't be upset." Jeno reassures. "What about Jisung?"

"He wanted to clear up a few things with me." You answer, glancing at the clock propped up on Hyuck's kitchen wall.

Donghyuck seems to notice how fast your eyes move and asks "Tonight?"

"Yeah. In like an hour or so actually." You confirm.

"Are you sure you want to go?" Renjun asks you.

"Well.. yeah. I kinda want an explanation."

"Are you sure?" Chenle asks. "Like, one hundred percent sure?"

"Yeah?" You nod, confused on why they seemed so concerned with you meeting up with Jisung again.

"Why?" He asks.

"I literally just told you why." You answer, annoyance prominent in your voice.

"Okay." Chenle says, backing off, hands raised in defense.

"Do you, uh, need a ride?" Donghyuck asks, hoping to clear the air a bit.

"Yeah, sure." You agree, hopping off the kitchen counter. It takes him back a little, he wasn't expecting that kind of response, especially that quickly.

"Oh, uhh, now?" He asks as he watches walk towards his hallway.

"Uh, yeah?" You say as he looks at his two friends and his boyfriend confusingly. They shrug in response. You can hear Chenle say "Hey man, you offered to drive. Not us."

You pause in between the end of the hallway and the entrance to the kitchen to watch the four boys start to quarrel.

"Jeno, you'll come with me, right?" Donghyuck asks and Jeno shoots him a look.

"Are you insane?" Jeno responds. "I don't wanna talk to him."

"You're not going to talk to him. Y/n is."

"Okay, then I don't want to see him."

"Fine." Donghyuck scoffs, before turning his head to look at Renjun and Chenle who were already saying no.

"What are you gonna do?" He asks them.

"We're gonna watch your house. Duh." Chenle responds.

"Actually. They're gonna watch your house." Renjun corrects, pointing at Jeno and Chenle. "I'm going to watch Chenle."

"Whaaat!! That's not fair!" He protests.

"I trust Jeno more than you." Renjun retorts back.

Donghyuck sighs in defeat. "Fine. Just don't do anything stupid." He says, turning to walk towards you and you can see the three boys cheer behind him. It causes you to giggle, and Donghyuck is just happy you're happy.

Once out of his house and into his car he asks you where you're going. You tell him not to worry and that you'll just give him the directions on how to get there. It only worries him more.

"I dunno y/n. It seems kinda sketch."

"Listen I know you don't trust the guy, but you trust me, right?" You ask.

"Yeah.."

"Then trust me, that it'll be okay."

"Okay." He sighs. "You lead the way."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Donghyuck asks as you step out of the passenger seat to his car.

"Yeah. I'm sure." You sigh.

"Okay.. Just. Call me if you need me. I'll be nearby, okay?"

"I'll be fine, Hyuck. Don't worry."

"Whatever you say.." He mumbles before rolling up his window and driving away.

Walking to the only other human like figure around you, you start to wonder if Jisung is really worth your time. Sure you missed the time you spent together, all the hours in the library studying and having stupid debates over the simplest things like, the best ice cream flavor, or how to write the number eight. Yeah you missed it, but was it really worth going back to? You could do these with anyone, even the new friends you've made so far this year. But for some reason, it was different with Jisung.

Maybe it's because you did like him. Or maybe it's because he was really different from your other friends. Yes you love Hyuck, and Renjun, and Chenle to death but it was nice having someone else to talk to, someone who didn't know everything about you, someone you could make different memories with.

"You came.." He says. It's not loud, but it's not quiet either. It's enough to snap you out of your thoughts though.

"Yeah." You nod. "I wanna know.. the truth. And only the truth."

"Do you promise to believe me?" He asks.

You don't respond for a second, you just stare at him with a blank face. You can tell that his eyes are shaky and you can't tell if he's about to cry or not.

"I don't want to make a promise I can't keep."

Needless to say, you could practically feel Jisung's heart shatter.

"Okay." He nods. "Where do you want me to start?"

"I don't know? The beginning?"

"Oh.. Right." He mumbles. "Well um.. You- You see.. It started like- uhm- like."

"So are you gonna tell me or are you just going to keep stalling?"

"Uhh."

"I mean. I can wait, I do have all night for your information." You spit, crossing your arms. "Do you? Or do you have another date planned after this? Y'know, one where you lied to another other girl too?"

"I- What? I don't have another 'date' after this.." He defends. "I've.. I've been alone for the past month and a half.. What are you talking about?"

"So I've heard."

"Look." Jisung sighs, you notice that he looks tired. "I don't wanna fight. Can we just start over?"

"Okay Park Jisung, we can do whatever you want." You scoff. "Hi! I'm y/n l/n, I came to have a conversation. Are we going to have one, or not?"

"You want me to start at the beginning?" He yells. "Fine then! I'll start at the beginning. I'll tell you whatever the fuck you wanna hear!"

"It's true! In the beginning of the school year I was bored and was looking for someone to date. But then I met you! And you were different!"

"Oh yeah? Well I bet you tell that to every girl you meet!" You yell back at him.

Ignoring what you said, Jisung decides to continue. "For some reason something clicked with you. I don't know what it was and I don't remember when, but something just clicked. You really were different. I started enjoying your company a lot more and everything just felt right.. around you."

"This is bullshit." You mumble before turning to walk away. Part of you didn't want to leave because you knew what he was talking about, something clicking. The other part of you decided that this was probably all a lie. "If he's lied to me before he'll do it again." You think trying to convince yourself to leave.

"I'm sorry, Jisung." You sigh. "I really want to believe you, trust me, I do. But you've told me things before.. and you lied to me about them. So who's to say that you aren't lying to me right now?"

There's no response. He just looks at you and you can see the small bits of hope leave his eyes. "Okay." You sigh with a nod before turning to leave. You get pretty far away when you hear him yell your name in attempt to get you to stop walking away from him. "Before you go.. can I please just tell you something?"

You let out a tired sigh. "What is it?"

"You don't have to believe me." He starts. "But you remember that night we spent together? The one right here? In this exact spot?"

You nod. "You mean the night that you lied to me?"

Your words sting, but he decides to continue anyways, trying his best to not show how much that hurt him.

"I meant everything I said that night.. All those words I said were true y'know.." He whispers. "I miss you."

"I miss seeing how your eyes lit up.. And I miss seeing your smile.. I still see it every now and then, but it's not directed at me and it just hurts. I miss our silly disagreements and how we'd drag them on for what felt like ages. I miss driving you home because even though they were silent drives I felt safe and comfortable with you there. It didn't have to be loud like when I drove around with my other friends. I miss the little dates we went on, and ye-yes you'll never hear me say it again but they were all dates. I miss that day at the mall.. before everything went down. Do you remember?" He asks.

You nod again. This time it's smaller and more subtle.

"Y'know.. That's the day I started realizing I liked you." He admits.

Closing your eyes you whisper, "Stop talking."

But he doesn't listen. He just continues.

"You were playing some dumb game.. I don't remember if it was a claw machine or ski ball but it was something.. You were so focused. You even stuck your tongue out a little.. you got so into it."

"Stop talking." You say again, louder this time.

"You looked so pretty.." He sighs. "And you were so excited when we raised enough tickets to get a bag of candy for ourselves. They kicked us out because we sat on the air hockey table, remember? I don't know if they'll ever let us back in there, but it was fun while it lasted." He laughs.

"I said stop talking!" You practically yell, turning to face towards him.

"Why?" He asks, giving you a sad look.

"Because I don't want to remember that day." You sigh.

"Why?" He asks again.

"I don't wanna say why."

He takes a step closer to you. "You can tell me anything."

You sigh in defeat.

"Did you feel it too?" You ask him and he nods.

"So you know?"

"I do."

"Then why do I have to say it?" You ask.

"Because if you say it, then it's like you're accepting the truth."

"I don't like how you know what I feel." You mumble to yourself as he takes another step closer.

"What if I don't.. say it?" You ask.

"Then just give me a sign." He says.

"Do you miss me?" He asks. By this point the sun has gone done, and if weren't only you two here you probably wouldn't have heard him.

You nod. "I do."

"Are you mad at me?" He asks.

You nod again. "I am."

"That's okay." He says. "I understand."

This time, you take a step back.

"Do you wanna be mad at me?"

Instead of responding this time, you ask, "Why do you get to ask all of the questions?"

"I never said you couldn't ask any." He says while you shoot him a glare.

"Okay then." You start, deciding you were going to play this little game with him. Taking a step forward you ask, "Why did you choose me?"

He shrugs. "I dunno. You were new."

You scoff at his response. "Predictable."

Thinking of a better question to ask him, you say, "How can I believe you?"

"You can't." He responds. "You just have to trust me. Do you trust me?"

"I do."

He nods.

"Okay."

"Do you trust me?" You ask him, breaking the pattern you two have created.

"I do." He says, echoing your answer.

You nod.

"Okay."

"So.. What now?" He asks.

"What do you mean?"

"What do we do now?"

"Ah." You sigh. "That's what you meant."

"Well.. Yeah." He says. "I don't know if you know this but.. this is the closet we've been ever since.. what happened. Yet it's still the furthest we are from each other."

"Can you just shut up, for once?" You ask, voice playful in tone.

Jisung hears it and he gives you a small smile, liking the sudden change in atmosphere. "I dunno.. Will I?" He jokes.

"You're silly." You say, while a smile starts to form shortly after.

"..Can we start over?" He asks, and you can tell he's being serious.

He looks scared. Nothing like the same boy who you saw just a second ago, the one who was starting to be comfortable with you again.

"I'd understand if you didn't want to. Or if you don't want anything to do with me anymore after this. I just thought.. it'd be the right thing to ask."

"Do you promise not to break my heart?" You ask.

"Only if you promise not to break mine." He responds with a smile.

"No promises." You say, grabbing his hand and interlocking it with yours.

"Hey!" He exclaims. "You can't do that!"

"Yes I can. I just did."

"I'll take this as a yes then?" He asks, a giggle following afterwards.

"Yeah. You can take this as a yes."

✰ how to be a heartbreaker

↳ so what happens when park jisung, the school’s infamous fuckboy runs into the new girl at school? out of boredom he decides it’ll be fun to have someone new to play with, but little does he know, she’s learning how to be a heartbreaker.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 13

A/N: Just a little update because i’ve been slacking lately.... sorry! There’s a tiny bit of smut.... not much because im so bad it! 🤣💕💕💕

**Warning: Contains Defending Jacob spoilers**

After hearing about how Jacob found Bens body Andy then went on to explain that Jake didnt tell anyone because he was scared, he thought he would get blamed for it. So he went to school as normal and didn't tell anybody about what he had found.

"Hey, lunch is ready" Laurie said from behind me and i turned to face her with a smile.

"Thank you"

"Y/N, I know what Andy has just told you doesn't sound great, but Jacob is a good kid...."

"I know" i nodded "Laurie i'm on your side i promise".

"Thank you Y/N".

"Come on, lets go eat" Andy stood up leading the way back through to the kitchen.

Jacob didn't join us for lunch he was still sleeping off his night in a prison cell. After we finished lunch Andy excused himself to the bathroom leaving me and Laurie alone at the table.

"I heard what you said to Andy after he told you about his father" Laurie said fiddling with the napkin she had in her lap "you really care about him" she stated, she didnt even ask if i cared about Andy....she knew the answer already.

"I do. I know i don't know him like you do, but i trust him. I know he's a good man, with a good heart"

"I thought i knew him, but now i'm not so sure. Maybe you do know him better than i do, he's so open with you".

"Maybe its because i don't know him like you do that he's like that. Sometimes its harder to talk to the people closest to us, we don't want to disappoint them or have them think any less of us.... or pity us"

"You sound like your talking from experience"

"Yeah maybe" i scoffed "most of us have something in our past we'd like to forget, just run away from it all and start afresh"

"Id like to do that right about now" Laurie said with a tired smile.

"You need to stay strong for Jacob. Look i know you don't know me but if you ever need to talk.... i'll listen"

"Thats sweet of you, i might just take you up on that"

"Anytime" i smiled at her, i looked up and saw Andy standing in the doorway watching us with his arms crossed and a proud smile on his face.

"So that went better than i thought it would" i said to Andy as we drove back to my place later that day. Once it was dark the news vans left for the day so he took the chance to escape and come back to mine for a while.

"I told you you had nothing to worry about" he smiled over at me quickly before looking back at the road and reaching my hand "thank you Y/N"

"For what?" I asked turning in my seat to face him.

"Where do i start?" He shook his head "you've been so supportive through everything.... even today with Laurie"

"What do you mean?"

"I heard the two of you talking, how you said she can talk to you if she needs to.... you didn't have to do that"

"It just seemed like the right thing to do" i shrugged casually "is it weird if i get along with your ex?"

"No" he chuckled "i'm kinda glad the two of you got along"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, one less thing to worry about".

Before i knew it Andy was parked outside my house and turning off the car.

Once inside i dropped my coat and bag on the table in the hallway, Andy's coat dropping on top before he wrapped his arms around my waist resting his head on my shoulder.

"I wish i could spend the night here" he mumbled as pressed a kiss to my neck.

"Me too but you've got an early start for Jacob's meeting with Joanna in the morning"

"I know, it doesn't change the fact i wanna stay here with you though"

"Wanna watch a movie before you have to go...?"

"Honey, we both know we wouldn't be watching the movie" he tightened his hold on me so his front was pressed hard into my back making me moan when i felt his hardness against my lower back.

"You like that huh?" He said sounding sexy as hell as he grinded against me.

"Fuck yes!" I turned in his arms crashing my mouth to his as i pulled him towards my bedroom, he picked me up halfway up the stairs and rushed the rest of the way to my room.  He dropped me on the bed making me laugh and stood at the foot of my bed shedding his clothes. I was leaning back on my elbows watching him, biting my lip as i enjoyed my private show.

"Like what you see?" He asked sounded amused by the way i was watching him.

"Very much so" i nodded quickly smiling as he pushed his black boxer briefs down leaving him completely bare before me "wow..... i will never get bored of this sight"

"Honey.... why are you still dressed? I think this is a little unfair..." he laughed as he knelt on the bed.

"Do something about it then" i shrugged playfully at him, his eyes darkened as his hands grabbed my ankles pulling me closer to him making me yelp in surprise "Oh Mr Barber....." i smiled at how he man handled me. Andy reached up grabbing hold of my leggings and underwear and pulling them clean off before nudging my legs apart to make room for him to settle between them. He trailed kisses up my stomach as he pushed my shirt up. When he reached my breasts he pulled down the cup of my bra just enough to latch onto my nipple. I pulled at his hair letting out a moan when i felt him bite down.

"Oh god Andy" i groaned as my hips raised off the bed in search of some friction, it was then i felt his hand slide down my side before slipping between my thighs.

"Ah fuck....." my eyes closed as he worked my clit before his fingers trailed down making sure i was ready for him "Andy please, don't tease me i need you"

"Okay honey, i got you" he smiled leaning down to kiss me, he left me breathless like always as he took hold of his cock, running it through my slick before lining himself up with my entrance and finally sinking home..... the noises Andy made were just plain sinful and made me want him even more.

Andy was laying on his stomach with his head in my lap and arms wrapped around my waist as we enjoyed the rest of our time just being together. My fingers were running through his hair when i looked down and gasped.

"Shit i scratched you up pretty bad...." i said running my finger along Andy's back where he now sported some nasty red marks, he just chuckled burying his face further into my lap.

"Its not funny! Do they hurt....?"

"Honey i'm fine, it doesn't hurt"

"What do you say we jump in the tub before you have to leave?"

"I say that sounds like a great idea" he reached up and kissed me.

It had taken Andy a while to actually leave after our shared bath, he had sat on the edge of the bed peppering my face and neck with kisses before tucking me in.

"I really don't want to leave you...." he smiled down at me.

"I know, i don't want you to either but you have to get home. Come by when your done tomorrow though, theres a spare key in drawer in the hall you can take"

"You sure?"

"Of course" i smiled reaching up to kiss him before falling back down on the bed and getting comfy.

"Okay, goodnight honey" he smiled and kissed me one last time before reluctantly leaving my room. It was around midnight when Andy actually ended up leaving my house taking my car back to his place rather than me taking him home, i wouldn't be needing it to get to work tomorrow anyway.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13 @matsumama @ex-bloodjunkie @kaithezaftig @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @ms-betsy-fangirl @supernaturalwintersoldier

[sumeshi-t]

✨ self-ship tag game ✨

PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)

sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj

How we met:

okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway

i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds

maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying

so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid

jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain

when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(

actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents

it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired

“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer

“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know

anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow

we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens

watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn

from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)

i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home

would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–

"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"

"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"

somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.

anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him

the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe

i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there

basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing

ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have

but da heart wants what it wants

it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo

"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk

"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"

it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁

"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"

"yeah"

"oh..."

"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"

First date x type of dates:

study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates

since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???

so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"

the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute

the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together

anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two

he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly

after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs

"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"

"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"

"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"

"y-yeah, why?"

"same"

we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"

he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"

"sh-shut up"

it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨

While we’re dating:

he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved

notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???

tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand

i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)

and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal

ok but walks in the beach at sunset

also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly

ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb

he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward

actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over

hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:

"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"

"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"

we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend

vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"

he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"

anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve

meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"

anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around

but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭

[shiro-0197]

KAJDKANSKJSNS SHIRO I CUT MY HAIR I FEEL SO HAPPY MY HEAD IS SO LIGHT I LOVE IT YAYAYAYAYY MY HAIR IS SO FLUFFY AND IT'S LAYERRD NOW AHAHSHSGSHGS :DDDDD

wayyyyy too fun xD.

And wow. That was so confusing to read you guys are heroes for actually keeping up with a complicated system like that😭😭 do you guys have extracurriculars of any sort too? My school's big on those, because depending on the level, extracurriculars grant us points which we can use to get into good colleges.

Thank you so much!!! I really really hope so haha. Yeah self studying is the worst because I get easily distracted or I study for 8 hours straight without breaks, it's so crazy, I really need to regulate it. But having a study buddy is so much fun!!. Me and my friends used to do group studies very often because each of us had one specialty subject and we'd teach the others. (Mine's biology and english, Angel's was history and Malay, and we had a bunch of other friends who did really well in physics, chemistry, maths, and additional maths) but we can't really keep the group study thing up anymore because everyone's been so busy and we can't find a time to hop onto zoom together.

Yes :( rest in peace, River Phoenix.) Omg yes I might just post it on Instagram sometime when my piano is in tune again :D it's so expensive to get someone to tune it tho 😔😭

of course I care about you!! Speaking of which, I actually drew you something whilst I was drawing Christmas drawings for my other friends on Tumblr, and I thought, even if you don't celebrate it, you're special to me, so I wanted to draw you one too. I drew pictures of my friends with their favourite haikyuu characters, but yours is a drawing of us, I hope you don't mind xD

she's in front of me rn and she says thank you!! Hahaha, she came over to keep me company whilst I did some work on the laptop, and she's just studying here :] yeah he's very sweet, and I love him to bits lol.

it's really relaxing and fun to ramble about stuff with you too, I love you!! And awww I think just being a good friend to him means more than you'll ever know. Being there for someone is priceless.

aaah I'm so glad you think so, and thank you for never failing to respond with something that makes me so happy, I love you, I truly do.

—your ari(tist)

SUNSHINE OMG YES I SAW IT ITS SO PRETTY!!!! YOU LOOKS SO GOOD QJDJQJJDJWJRKD IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU !!!!!! FLUFFY FLUFFY HAIR I LOVE JT JSKDKDKSKKSS

Extracurriculars ?? I didnt even know this word existed😩 I think it's usually for some kind of events only, which dont happen often, but i think they counts as those extracclsld hehe~ I dont think we collect any points though, haha

Truee, it's so difficult to focus :(( that sounds so nice it's a shame you guys dont get to do that a lot😭😭 I wish I had a group of friends to study with, but tbh no one actually wanted to:/

Yay I'd love to hear it !!!!

OJDJSJJSNFKWNDJNDJFJDJXNSNWNJD !!!! WKDKKWKF ANJXJW WLFLLQJDN3 !!?!?!?! AAAA AAA THIS SO SO PRETTY I M GGHGGHAHEJJEJDJDJ LHHH !!!!!! OFC I DONT MIND ITS SO CUTE I'm about to CRY ajjajJWJEKWKDKWJDJJA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AJJDJDJD SPRRY for the keysmash spam it's just the only way to Express how much I love it jajrjdjfj😭😭🥺🥺💕💓💓💘💞💘💞

That's so nice of her!!!🥺🥺

I really hope so, but tbh hes one of the reasons I want to be succesful, you know? To be his, uh, hmmm. Sugar buddy?😭😭😭 KKWJDJJSJ you know what I mean XD But you're right, when hes with me I'm the happiest person ever, and I hope he feels the same way:(

Heheheh, thank you for that too, I love you so much😭💓💕💞💕💞

[ignatiusteto]

Uhhh, I'm not sure about specifics but a lot of chicken broths are common (I think), I mean a soup I enjoy is Minestrone (at least I think it's a soup) and my mom ended up making mexican corn soup which was really good, and then I'll eat things like chicken noodle soup if we have any, and about any soup with potato (there was this one soup we'd get and I can't think of it but it was like- it had bacon? and it was from Aldi and it was a white color soup but it was good and Im going crazy trying to remember)

When I make soup I usually throw in any noodles on hand usually not spaghetti and vegetables like onion, carrot, tomato, maybe sometimes corn, and I usually use some kind of chicken broth, cumin is a great spice to use and gives a home made chicken noodle soup feel. Unfortunately I don't eat a whole bunch of soup, and my knowledge is limited because there's actually a lot of soups I don't personally like. There was this cheese and broccoli soup my mom made before and it was really good and I dont so much like cheese and broccoli soup. There's also soup amd noodle packets at stores you add water to in a pot and it's best to try out what you think would be good, experimenting with canned soups work too (I'd also eat some of the beef stew that is soup consistency since I dont like the thick stuff that's just not cool in my opinion).

Minestrone has like

It's a mild soup? I had to get used to the taste first but it's good. Then there's like chicken noodle soup which as simple as it is I mean it works. Home made, potato soups, stews, it depends on what one prefers. I haven't had much time to experiment with soups but I often lean towards if store bought things with chicken or potato, occasionally lile beef stew and other soups.

Minestrone is probably the most different for me on my list, and Im not really a cheese soup person because the concept of cheese and broccoli in a soup together is weird. I also may or may nit eat soup for the actual soup part, I often eat the contents like noodles amd vegetables and only drink the broth if it's possible and I really like it (which happens with homemade)

I don't know if I have a favorite in soups, I'm more "grab a can from the cupboard and eat that", but I lean towards noodles more usually like spaghetti and ramen which those as my go to doesnt sound good.

A soup I really enjoyed was a mix, I think the brand was OreIda, it was a cheese amd broccoli soup and I didnt think I would like it but I did so- It was pretty good.

(I really shouldn't write so much) I'm sorry I cant offer a lot, but I do suggest trying out different soups, even like tomato soup with grilled cheese is a good meal if one likes tomato soup, sometimes I'll eat it with saltines if I really want to. Trying out different soups that a store or something may have to offer is a good idea, especially if it maybe looks good or has ingredients you like. I dont really like celery or greenbeans which are in the chicken noodle and beef stew I eat, and I used to hate onions and quiet a few other things. It definitely depends on taste.

hey quick question in all seriousness: what do white people eat? Like not at restaurants and stuff, like at home with your families or like what your parents made you as a kid. I’m genuinely curious, I have venezuelan or italian food basically everyday so I have no idea. (and even if you’re not white, if you see this could you put in the tags or otherwise what nationality/ethnicity or whatever you are and one of your favorite foods from your culture?) thanks!