#because training yourself into weird sleep habits as a kid can make them hard to break

[rabbiteclair]

I'm not going to make this a thread on the post about reading in the bathroom, but mine did also. even though by the age of, like... nine I was able to figure out "hmm, the Weekly World News said the world was going to end last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, and also that Elvis was going to be elected president last year, and that aliens were going to reveal themselves on national TV, so maybe this isn't the most reliable source."

prior to that point, of course, I lived in a state of constant terror

[a-n-conrad]

Sparring Partners (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

[Summary: Being the newest Avenger was a little rough. You appreciated how helpful most of the other Avengers were with getting you adjusted to life in the tower. However, you got a little too friendly with your new sparring partner. (She/Her Pronouns)

Warnings: SMUT (dirty talk, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, oral sex (female and male receiving), biting, slight hair pulling), not canon compliant (I’m too stressed for real angst), “Avengers Tower” AU, swearing, fairly long

Request: From my Request Form (https://forms.gle/GRTQ1eQt8rk7jJgf6)]

It was an odd adjustment, being the newest member of the Avengers. You really couldn’t complain about living in Avengers Tower. It was a nice facility, with everything you could ever need. The training center was high-tech, the kitchen was always fully stocked, and the infirmary was nice enough that you didn’t mind having to be the group’s healer. But the other Avengers were interesting roommates to adjust to.

Everyone had their own schedule, and it took you a little while to adjust to it. It took you a couple weeks before you stopped bumping into people on their way out of the kitchen. And you eventually realized that unless you wanted to accidentally be caught up in one of Nat’s sparring matches, training in the middle of the day was basically a no go. But eventually you started to get used to it.

You had figured out that if you got up early, the only people you’d run into in the kitchen were Steve and Tony. And you could avoid having to actually talk to them right away if you made them breakfast. Steve usually appreciated something lean and healthy, though you usually added a bit of shredded cheese to the top of his scrambled eggs anyway, because he really needed to stop worrying so much. And Tony would usually be happy with some bacon and coffee. Honestly, it was just good to get him to eat something.

And then, for most of the day, you would work in the lab or the infirmary, occasionally running through a few tests with Bruce. He was one of the few Avengers who didn’t stress you out. You really couldn’t help it. You may get most of your healing ability from your powers, but you still had some medical training. And that meant that you knew full well that every member of this team was a different brand of self-destruction. So you and Bruce were working on a few projects to help the team take at least slightly better care of themselves.

And then you’d train at night. Not many people trained at night. Usually just you, though occasionally someone would wake up in the middle of the night, and need something to do. Nightmares weren’t exactly uncommon among the team. Tony would occasionally be up late, testing out some new gadget of his. Sometimes Nat would go running late at night. However, the most common late-night visitor to the training facility was Bucky Barnes.

You knew that he had some fairly bad nightmares, though he refused to talk to you about it. And you could tell that they had been getting worse lately. He was visiting a lot more often, and getting a lot more aggressive with his training. You could tell that something was wrong, but you knew that Bucky hated when you tried to counsel him. So instead, you had just been monitoring him, watching out for anything more concerning than usual.

- - - - -

“Hey, (Y/N)?” Steve asked you one morning, as he leaned against the counter, waiting for you to finish making breakfast, “Have you noticed something weird with Bucky lately?”

You raised an eyebrow at the question. You were still fairly new to the team, so it was odd for anyone to consider you an expert on any of the team members, let alone someone’s close friend, “Why do you ask? You’re his best friend, you should know if there was something odd going on.”

“Oh, well,” Steve seemed a bit sheepish, “It’s just that you’re like the resident doctor, so I was wondering if he told you anything. He’s just seemed a bit upset lately.”

“Well, first of all, Steve, you know that Bucky refuses to talk to me,” You start, beginning to move the completed food to the plates that you had set out, “And second, even if he did tell me something, you know that I couldn’t tell you about it, in good conscience.”

“So you haven’t noticed anything?” He gave you that stupid golden retriever pout as you handed him his food. You wondered if that was part of why Bucky kept him around when he was just a scrappy kid getting into fights that he couldn’t win. It was just so hard to say no to him when he made that sad, puppy-dog look.

“I mean,” You sighed, “He’s been up a lot, training in the middle of the night recently. So, I wouldn’t say I haven’t noticed anything. I’ve just been minding my own business.”

“And you should keep minding your own business,” Tony spoke up for the first time through a mouthful of bacon, “If he wanted to talk to someone about it, I’m sure he would. You don’t need to pick up on any of Capsicle’s nosiness.”

“Oh, please,” Steve scoffed, “Like you’re one to talk about getting up in everyone’s business, Tony.”

Tony flipped him off, grabbing his coffee and slinking away back to his lab. You weren’t sure if he had slept at all the night prior, but that was decaf coffee, so you were hoping that at the very least he’d sleep during the day. It was the little things that kept these heroes alive.

“Ok, anyway,” Steve drew your attention back, “What has he been doing?”

“Just training, Steve. He’s just been going off on the training dummies. It’s clear that he’s just taking something out on the dummies. He’s got it handled, Steve. He doesn’t need anyone up his ass to try and ‘fix’ him. It’s just gonna piss him off.”

Steve nodded as though he understood, though you could tell by the look in his eyes that the conversation wasn’t really over.

- - - - -

You knew something bad was about to happen when Steve walked into the infirmary, Bucky being dragged along behind him. They didn’t get hurt. And they rarely needed to stop in for check-ups. So you had a feeling that this wasn't going to end well for you.

“What can I help you two gentlemen with today?” You asked, pausing the task that you were originally working on.

“Well, I was just thinking,” Steve started, already giving you his stupid puppy-dog eyes, “You really haven’t gotten a lot of combat training...”

“No, I suppose I haven’t,” you set your face into a neutral expression, getting ready to try and turn down whatever scheme he was trying to pitch to you. You didn’t know Steve that well, but you knew that he had a bad habit of getting into everyone else’s business to try to fix everything.

“Well, I would offer to help, but I know that you prefer to train at night, and I usually train early in the morning,” he was starting to ramble like a nervous teenager, trying to get all of his reasoning before you could say no, “So I thought Bucky could help you.”

You should’ve known. He was trying to get you to help Bucky work through whatever was going on. And he was hoping that you would just go along with it. And you hated that the puppy-dog eyes were working on you again.

“Steve, I’m not going to force Bucky to train me. What do you think about that plan, Bucky?” You asked him, hoping that he would give you the excuse that you needed to say no. He just needed to say no for you, and you would both get out of this.

You saw Steve turn to face him, that look still on his face, and you knew that you were done for. You really should’ve known that Bucky couldn’t say no to Steve either, “Whatever, I suppose our healer shouldn’t get herself killed on missions. Just try to keep up.”

And with that, he turned and left. And you were left behind, not quite knowing how to react.

- - - - -

It was that night that your training started. Bucky walked into the training room about half an hour into your regular training session, giving you just enough time to warm up. The look on his face told you that he wasn’t thrilled about the idea, though you had a feeling that it was for a much different reason that you had.

“Alright, training mat. Now.” He demanded, his tone sharp and gruff. It reminded you a bit of your gym teacher in school. He had never been your biggest fan, for one reason or another.

“Don’t you need to warm up?” You asked a bit timidly, not wanting to upset him any more than he already was.

“No.”

You nodded, following him as he walked over to the area that was designed for sparring. It was padded enough that no one should get hurt in a reasonable fight. The sparring matches around here were rarely reasonable.

You situated yourself in the center of the ring, facing Bucky as he set his stance. He looked so focused, his brow set as he got himself ready. You realized that it had probably been a very long time since he had actually done any formal sparring. At least, without the intention to kill. But something about his face, set into a look that you couldn’t quite read and covered slightly by a bit of hair that was hanging in his face, made your heart skip a beat.

He was an attractive man. You knew that. You had heard from Steve almost constantly about how much of a ladies man Bucky was back in the day. But you hadn’t really gotten a good look at him. He was always looking down. And he had definitely never looked at you with this much focus in his eyes before.

“Hit me,” he commanded, though there was a hint of friendly coaching in his tone. Like he was actually looking forward to training you.

“What?”

“Throw a punch. Hit me. I need to see where you’re at before I can teach you anything.”

You throw a sloppy punch with your right hand. He blocked it without even thinking. You tried again. And then tried a kick. Tried to get a new angle. Tried to sweep his legs out. You had tried everything you could think of, everything you tried being easily blocked or dodged. You were starting to get tired out, and Bucky hadn’t even thrown a punch. You threw another punch, aiming straight for his face, only for him to grab your fist.

Before you knew it, he had pulled you into a chokehold, your back pressed firmly against his chest, and his metal arm wrapped around your neck as his other hand twisted your arm behind you. You could feel him breathing, just as steady as usually, and you had to wonder if he could feel how flustered you were as your body pressed against his. You could tell your heart was picking up, but you hoped that if he could feel it, he’d just attribute it to the training.

“We’ve got a lot of work to do,” He muttered, his mouth so much closer to your ear than you had expected. You could feel your cheeks heating up as his breath made your hair move just a little.

“Y-yeah,” you managed to choke out.

- - - - -

You two had been training like that for weeks, and it was starting to get to you. The close quarters, the skin to skin contact, it was going to kill you. If you wanted to know what a siren would look like to you if they existed, it would be Bucky Barnes, coated in sweat and getting ready to pin you to the training mat. And you were definitely having a hard time staying focused during your training.

It was especially late one night, you were guessing somewhere around 1:30 AM. Your training usually stopped around 12:30-1, but you were running a bit long. You had been especially distracted that night. Bucky had gotten a haircut for the first time in a long time, revealing his bright blue eyes. You could feel them on you as you trained even more than usual. You hadn’t minded his long hair, but when it was out of his face, you could see him much clearer. And that wasn’t always helpful.

There was a predatory glint to them as he got into position to spar, like a wolf stalking its prey. And as he loomed over you, pinning you to the ground after another failed attempt, you couldn’t say you minded feeling like prey.

“Alright,” Bucky groaned, his metal hand still pinning you to the floor, “What the hell is your deal tonight?”

You tried your best to hold your voice steady as he straddled your waist, his legs brushing against your own, “What do you mean?”

“Come on, (Y/n). You’ve been improving a ton lately, I know you can do better than this. So what’s got you all distracted?”

His face was so close to yours. His metal hand was holding both of your arms above your head, and his other was positioned right next to your chest. You could feel his body heat against you, and you were sure that he could feel your face heating up. There was no way he couldn’t figure it out by looking at you at this point. You were trembling, your eyes dilated as they locked onto his eyes. You looked like an absolute mess.

You could tell that he saw it too as his eyes scanned your body. You felt as though time slowed down as you watched his expression change. He raised an eyebrow, making you squirm a bit. Soon enough, though, a smirk spread across his face that reminded you of the stories that Steve told of Bucky from before the war, though the wolf-like glint never left his eyes.

“I see…” He drew out. You didn’t know if it was on purpose, but you saw his tongue dart out and flicker across his lips for just a moment. He leaned down a bit more until his face was next to your own, his lips nearly brushing your ear, “You know, Doll, if you wanted to do something else, you could’ve just asked.”

You swallowed deeply as you felt his warm breath brush against your ear. It sent a shock down your spine. You went to say something, only for the words to get jumbled in your mouth. You felt like a babbling idiot as your breathing refused to steady enough to let you get a single word out. And you felt a cold, empty feeling creep into your chest as he pulled back, leaving you without the extra body heat.

The tension between you was palpable, and you had been awake for long enough that you were starting to lose your impulse control. As Bucky leaned back, letting your arms go and smirking in a way that told you that he was proud of himself for people able to get under your skin so effectively, you couldn’t stop yourself. Before you knew it, you had flipped him onto his back, taking his spot on top.

You had caught him off guard, and the surprised look on his face told you that. But you had to admit he looked just as good down there as he did when he was pinning you down.

“Oh, you’re feisty,” He said, shifting to make himself comfortable, “But what’s your plan, Doll? Go on?”

You knew that he was egging you on, just trying to get you to do something. And it was working. You had been holding back the entire time. And your will was wearing thin.

You pulled him up a bit by the collar of his shirt, meeting him halfway in a passionate kiss. It was sloppy, but you really weren’t going to complain. You didn’t mind the clumsiness to it, especially once he sat up the rest of the way, pulling you even closer to him. Without even realizing it, you had started to grind against him, rolling your hips without meaning to. He groaned into the kiss, his hands gripping your hips to hold you in place as he pulled away.

It was then that you realized exactly what you had been doing. Your face was flushed, your hair was a mess from him running his hand through it, and you could feel the thumb of his metal hand press into the skin of your stomach since your shirt had started to slide up. You looked utterly desperate.

“Doll, are you sure you wanna do this?” You could hear the insecurity seeping into his voice, and you felt the grip of his metal hand loosen as he went to move it away. You knew Bucky was insecure about his past, and that his metal hand was a symbol of that. But at that moment, as you felt his hard-on press against you through your pants, there was absolutely no way you could possibly understand that.

“James Buchanan Barnes, shut the hell up and fuck me,” you demanded, though you left him space to back up if he wanted to. You didn't really want to pressure him into anything, but your brain was foggy.

Luckily for you, he didn’t pull away. Instead, he flipped the two of you over again, pinning you to the mat again. He had the wolf’s glint in his eyes again, and it made you weak. And as he bit into the crook of your neck, soft enough to make sure that he didn’t hurt you, but hard enough to leave a mark, you couldn’t help but let out a moan.

“Shh, (Y/n),” He whispered in your ear, making you rub your thighs together as the frustration and desperation built up between your legs, “We don’t want to wake anyone up.”

You nodded, biting your tongue to stop yourself from making too much noise as Bucky started to slide one of his hands down your body. You could see him admiring you as he pulled your clothing away. He held so much want in his eyes that you couldn’t even imagine feeling insecure under his gaze.

“God, doll, you really are just perfect,” He muttered as he lowered himself, his face nearing your cunt as he pulled your pants and underwear away. He was looking at you like he wanted to eat you alive. And you wanted him to.

You could feel the cool air against your soaking wet pussy as he pulled you into the position he wanted. You could feel his breath and against your pussy, and that in itself was enough to make you hold back a moan. You needed him so desperately. And even as he moved to bury his face in your cunt, you could feel his eyes on you.

One of your hands moved to grip his hair as he started with a broad lick up the length of your core. The other moved to your mouth, hoping to, at the very least, suppress your whimpers. You weren’t even entirely sure what he was doing with his tongue as he went down on you. Your vision started getting soft around the edges as he swirled your clit around with his tongue. You were sure that if you weren’t covering your mouth and biting your tongue, you’d be screaming. You were surprised at how good he was at this, but you definitely weren’t going to complain.

The feeling in your lower gut began to tighten after about ten minutes, and you knew that you were getting close. Bucky could tell too, as your grip on his hair tightened, pushing his face in even more. He was enjoying watching you be so desperate for him. And as he slid his tongue into you and then across your clit one more time, he enjoyed watching you come undone even more.

It took you a few moments to recover from your high. Your chest was heaving, and your skin was glimmering with a thin layer of sweat. You looked like the most perfect mess that Bucky had even seen. He couldn’t help but sit up and admire you. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about you in the same way that you were thinking about him. And seeing you there, spread out completely in front of him, was what he was sure heaven would look like if he ever got to go.

After a few minutes, you had finally recovered, and you had decided that Bucky deserved a little bit of care in return. You flipped him back over, again surprising Bucky. He really did look pretty as he laid under you, and as you pulled his shirt off, you had even more to admire.

You could tell that he was a bit insecure, reaching to cover a few of the scars on his chest. But you brushed his hand away, choosing instead to distract him. You kissed slowly down his chest, choosing a few spots to nibble slightly, hoping to leave a few marks for him. As you reached the waistband of his shorts, you felt a hand on your shoulder, signaling for you to pause.

“You really don’t have to do this, (Y/n). I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything,” he said, his blue eyes soft as they looked down at you. Soft, and insecure, and sweet.

“There is nothing that I want to do more right now, but I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

He contemplated for a moment, and you waited, despite wanting so badly to keep going. Before long though, he nodded, giving you the sign to go ahead.

You freed his cock in second, moving quickly out of need. It was nice for both of you to finally have all of your clothes discarded, and he was a sight to see. Bucky Barnes was modeled like a Greek god, and you couldn’t keep your hands off of him.

You tried your best not to rush things, giving his cock a few soft pumps and kitten licks before taking it into your mouth. He was trying not to groan just as hard as you had been as you bobbed your head, sucking desperately. He was big enough that you had a hard time fitting him all the way into your mouth, so you added a hand at the bottom to pump as well.

He started to buck into your mouth as you swirl your tongue around the head of his cock. It was like a work of art to watch him writhe in pleasure as you sucked him deeper and deeper into your mouth, until you were gagging on his cock. His abs were starting to flex a bit on their own, and you could tell that he was getting close. And you pulled away.

“Fuck, that isn’t fair,” he groaned, trying his best to quiet his voice. But he couldn’t complain about the view as you pulled away, a string of saliva running from the tip of his cock to your perfect lips.

“Do something about it then,” you said, feeling bolder than you had expected yourself to be. And he took your invitation to heart.

You had been expecting it, but the feeling of his naked body looming over you, his eyes trained on you as his cock began rubbing against your entrance, was a kind of euphoria that you had never imagined. His lips were on yours in an instant, muffling your moans as he slowly pushed into you, filling you up completely. You couldn’t help yourself as you scratched down his perfect back, leaving large claw marks down the muscles of his back.

You threw your head back as he bottomed out, the tip of his cock already found the spot that made your eyes roll back into your head. It felt as though he was made for you, the way he felt so perfect inside of you.

He started to move slowly, thrusting softly as though he was scared to break you. Even then, he hit all of the right spots, but you needed more. You needed him to take you completely. And so you started to move with him, thrusting your own hips up in time with him, pulling him even deeper into you.

He buried his head in the crook of your neck, “Goddamn, doll, you feel amazing. It’s taking everything in me not to fuck you with everything I’ve got.”

“Do it. Please.”

He looked at you surprised, still not fully believing that this was real, let alone that you were here, begging him to let go and ravish you. He searched your face for any sign of doubt, and found none. You wanted him, and that made him feel more worthy of your attention than he had before.

“Bucky, please, I need you,” you whined, and he felt the walls of your cunt tighten around him. And he couldn’t control himself anymore.

His thrusts were hard enough to actually slide you forward on the mat, causing you to wrap your leg around his waist. You were starting to see stars as he continuously pounded into you, hitting the right spots every single time. You couldn’t keep quiet, fucking him was better than anything you had imagined. And so he moved a hand over your mouth to help keep you quiet.

The two of you were a sweaty mess, completely focused on each other’s bodies. You couldn’t think of a single thing besides Bucky. Bucky and his perfect body, and his cock so deep inside of you that you forgot what it felt like to not have him pounding into you. The rest of the world was more than irrelevant, it was forgotten entirely.

“Fuck, babe, I’m so close,” He groaned into your ear, making your eyes roll back into your head again. You were close too. And as his cock hit deep inside of you again, you felt the coil in your stomach snap.

The walls of your pussy fluttered and flexed around his cock as you came undone again. Velvety, warm, and wet, massaging his cock as you screamed into his hand. He couldn’t hold it back. He buried himself in you one last time, rougher than before even, and sprayed hot ropes of cum inside of you, filling you up even more.

You couldn’t remember your own name when he was done. The world around you felt as though it wasn’t real. Everything felt warm and fuzzy, the only cold coming in as Bucky pulled out of you, leaving you empty and exposed to the air. He collapsed onto the ground next to you, pulling you to his chest. You felt his breath heave in time with your own. It was the first time in a long time that either of you felt at peace.

“Well, doll, we really should get cleaned up and get to bed before anyone else wakes up,” Bucky sighed, his voice a bit gruff and unsteady.

You groaned softly and buried yourself into his chest.

“You can stay the rest of the night in my room if you want. But you definitely need to shower,” He added. And you reluctantly agreed.

(A/N: So, this is my first time writing smut... I honestly... got a little too into the sparring idea. Oops.)

[obeymeluv]

Cute + Awkward Headcanons (SFW/NSFW)

Trying to turn a bad day around, so I thought of these

Lucifer

Sometimes you can’t tell if he’s giving you bedroom eyes or if he’s actually angry. Lucifer has spent THOUSANDS of years glaring at his brothers and doesn’t know if he’s just staring or glaring

I think he’s super out of practice with romance so he’s hella awkward but when he gets that first positive sign that you’re into him, the charm and pride wakes up and suddenly he’s smooth AF

Flirts so formally he misses his shot 8/10 times

Has a habit of trying to police you like one of his brothers and it’s a knee-jerk, 1000+ year reaction to looking after 6 man-children of various difficulties. Always owns up and apologizes

Has accidentally almost made you pass out from kissing too long. Forgets you don’t have the same lung capacity

BRUISES YOU TO HELL! FORGETS SO MUCH! FEELS SO BAD!

That’s why he has the gloves, to soften his grip because he was one of the strongest in the Celestial Realm and that translates to power in the Devildom

Only complains to you about his back pain from long nights burning the candle at both ends. You find it cute and sad at the same time

Is probably physically very heavy given his stature and the weight of his wings, so if he falls asleep on you, you’re trapped

Rare midnight snack dates when he MUST finish papers by the deadline.

You may or may not have had a Demonus date in his study when a particularly bad batch of paperwork was finally done

You’ve probably cracked at least one (1) antique wood chair

Quickly learned he CANNOT spank you because that shit seriously bruised your ass. You either need a strengthening charm or he has to re-learn how to use his strength around people

That caused one awkward visit to the infirmary because you didn’t know if you were just sore, pinched, dislocated, or cracked. Turns out you were fine. There was no mistaking that hand print, though

It was the second time he’d apologized so profusely in his life. There was no pride left in this man.

You had a special cushion to ease the pain and it looked top of the line (hella fancy. Could probably resell it as fake Gucci in the human world.)

Lucifer gives me big dom vibes and orgasm denial/over-stimulation kink because of his pride basically demanding you beg for him. You passed out at least once from over-stimulation.

When you first start dating he wouldn’t want to own up to any awkward boners so if you sit in his lap while he’s taking a paper break, he’ll make every excuse under the sun (”That’s my belt,”, etc.)

Mammon

This boy is nothing but awkward moments, are you kidding me?

It’s a lot of ‘open mouth, insert foot’ because he can’t be upfront with his feelings. It’s partly not wanting to lose any ‘cred’ he has with people, but also because he’s embarrassed and can’t be honest

There’s lots of tracking you down to sort out things you might have overheard (that he didn’t honestly mean if they sounded bad)

Super sentimental about anything to do with you. You once kissed a piece of Grimm as a good luck charm for his exam and he’d kill someone over it. Always has it on him.

This lovable doofus just assumes you’re dating because you’re always together and you’re perfect and he’s your best man so who’s better?!

When you actually ask him out (with something silly, like ‘I think us dating would be pretty cash money’), he’s so confused. (”But we’ve been dating for, like, a month! Right, human?!”)

He talks big but he’s weak. You’ll always be able to fluster him

Wanted to make love to you on some Grimm and quickly realized that it’s uncomfortable. Porn lied to him and the idea’s ruined. You guys cut the session short to find every piece of Grimm so you can actually lay in the bed

 Tends to plunk his head down on your chest and demand scratches/cuddles and has bruised you several times.

Accidentally fought you once or twice for his glasses while half asleep. Levi, Asmo, and Satan used to take them and hide from him

You learned he’s actually hella blind (contacts with non-prescription sunglasses or prescription yellow glasses) and have walked him around the House of Lamentation several times when his glasses went missing

He’ll complain about his brothers having it out for him and getting back at him, but it turns out they just wanted to make an excuse for you guys to hold hands. It’s like a date!

Made you hit your head on the headboard once when he was doing missionary style. Had to stop and check on you, then it got awkward. He cuddled and kissed you the whole time, though. Even got you an ice pack!

The type to flirt with you, try to lean on something, and take himself out on the way down

You’ve had a few of those cliche ‘trip and fell on each other’ moments

Has accidentally swung you into doors and walls trying to scoop you up and run/march out of a room

Levi

This boy is also super awkward

When you’re alone, he’s an absolute sucker for any kind of affection you can give. This boy will literally slither across the floor to make himself comfortable in your lap so he can game.

Pet his hair. He loves that.

Will also have to re-train himself on how to be with you in public. With him, it’s not making fun of a ‘normie’ as much.

Not big on PDA but will definitely hold your hand. How ELSE are people going to know you’re together?!

You get cute matching shirts or jewelry with the ‘Player 1, Player 2′ theme

Does a lot more snake-like things with his tongue. Especially when frustrated. Rub his jaw and chin to see it come out a little bit. It’s like a happy floppy dog tongue, just not as long or wide.

Craves a soft, warm thing to sleep on. You will be his new bed.

The first time you had sex, he broke out his demon form because he looked at you and loved you. He knew he’d get jealous if anyone ever saw you.

Was a little clumsy but determined. Sank in and started going at it, but wanted to look down and watch. He got his horns stuck in your hair and had to stop.

Is #1 fan when you’re naked. (”Ugh. Smother me.”) Boy can’t stand it. He needs it.

Tries to dress a little nicer (even if it’s casual) when you guys go out on dates.

You pack little snack bags when he stands in line for midnight releases and GODDAMN he’s gonna marry you?!

If you’re napping together and someone comes to wake him up or needs you, he just glares at them from underneath you, tail swishing threateningly. No one takes his human, okay?!

He has over-the-ear headphones but I bet he carries earbuds and has probably done that ‘share an earbud’ thing to hold you close and listen to music

Do you need to get up while he’s still sleeping? Untangle yourself and tuck your pillow in his arms. He’ll be fine. Bonus: you get to see the snuggling in action.

Between all the anime and centuries in the Devildom, he’s gotten used to using tails as another way of expression. They act subconsciously based on what the demon’s thinking. He’s surprised both of you several times by accidentally wrapping you up in his tail because he doesn’t want you to leave.

When he gets visibly uncomfortable in social situations, slip him something with your scent on it. It’s comforting. If you make up an excuse to get him out of there (he’s your escort and all), he’s over the moon.

Satan

Had more awkward moments than he’s willing to admit, but he’s more open about them than Lucifer. Basically, if someone guesses it happened, he won’t deny it.

BOY HAS A BOWTIE KINK. PLAY WITH HIS. STEAL ONE AND WEAR IT!

Has probably tripped over books walking you through his room or rushing to answer the door (not that you’d know how happy it makes him).

There’s a 50-50 chance that he’ll steal a glance and act like he didn’t, hiding behind an upside down book or something

Has definitely dropped books on his head after charming them down from the shelf. Your voice just sucks all his concentration up. You get bonus points for checking on him because some of those books are HELLA HEAVY

Say the right thing during a quiet tea session and you might hear him choke

Has probably been outed by one of his friends. Satan always seems to make friends without trying and gets invited to tons of stuff. What didn’t seem like a date turns out to DEFINITELY be a date (according to the friend).

Plan some silly treasure hunt/detective date and this guy is yours for life (especially if you’re the prize at the end).

Isn’t the most upfront about the disdain for his demon form, or how he feels weird about not being a true angel (just an extension of Lucifer), so expect a lot of raw, near-tears conversations in his demon form.

Hold him, run your fingers along the inside of his wings and the tips of his horns and Satan hugs you like there’s no tomorrow. He’ll cry, but he doesn’t regret these tears because they’re healing.

Weak for hand kisses. Smooch them hands.

Not super into PDA, but he’ll do other things to show he cares like carry your books and make sure you know what the weather’s like before you leave

Satan still hasn’t lived down the time Lucifer and the others broke down his door because they smelled blood and thought he’d hurt you. Turns out you guys were having sex and he just bit too hard.

Wouldn’t talk to any of them for a week. He swept you up on an impromptu hotel vacation and you continued to avoid everyone by shopping and eating at cafes.

The type to hold your panties hostage or like a trophy. Gives them back eventually, and enjoys watching Mammon almost have an aneurysm as he tries to figure out why his room smells so strongly of you.

Tea dates, cat cafe dates, and plenty of couple pictures with cat filters. Satan’s Devilgram activity goes up substantially when he’s dating.

You’re not his lock screen, but you’re his background. 

Asmo

When you two start dating Asmo is literally the happiest demon in all of Devildom. Yeah he’s smug and cute like ‘how could they NOT fall for beautiful me?’ but boy is literally so stoked. All of that babble’s just a cover for how sickeningly happy he is

Thinks the world of you.

Wants to spend all his free time with you, be it napping and cuddling, shopping, getting pampered, or just doing your nails.

Now that he has that real, true love he doesn’t want to be without you.

You trend on Devilgram at least once

SO MANY PICTURES

Took you shopping for perfumes and has the tester strip you used to pick your perfume taped to his vanity. Then he can smell it whenever he likes!

Gives you a small thing of his cologne for when you get lonely or want to smell like him

Boy is super, super extra. Probably has matching shirts that say he’s yours and you’re his.

The type to get couple’s pillows, cups, and pajamas. You also get couple’s massages.

If you wear lipstick, he’s definitely made you a custom one at some exclusive-invite Devilgram event. He put your initials on the base of the tube and thinks it’s the cutest damn thing. His pride and joy--it’s basically a child.

There’s no shame in the bedroom with this one. I really doubt he’d have awkward moments because he has a lot of experience and has run into a lot of things that he’s handled one way or another. It’s gentle coaching and some sweet teasing.

The most embarrassing thing he’s ever done is probably moaned/whined at the wrong time. Or said something semi-naughty at a bad time. He’s not easily shamed so that doesn’t really matter, either.

He melts at the gentlest touches and will be SO dramatic about it, like half fainted into his bed.

Is easily hypnotized by jewelry. He’ll massage your ears if you have earrings in, cooing over them and wanting to look at them. If he’s laying on you and you’re wearing a necklace, he plays with it the whole time.

Beel

Smart but distractable. Beel’s love language revolves around protection and food so pack him a lunch for practice or bring him something from a town date with one of the bros and he’s super excited

He means well but forgets his own strength so there’s a lot that can go wrong in the bedroom

Has probably broken his bed several times

Had sex on the kitchen counter and the bros only found out because one of them was setting up dinner prep and one of the legs just gave out

Big, snuggly bear. Best hugs.

Hardest to wake up because he tends to sleep well and easily. It’s a side effect of being connected to Belphie. Will hug you to him and keep snoring. You have to get someone else to wake him up because he’ll just snuggle you the more you move around and talk

I headcanon that Beel does a tongue thing like Levi, mostly because his cardinal sin is gluttony and that helps get the food in his mouth faster. It’s not as slender or serpentine as Levi’s, but it definitely moves.

Has licked you in his sleep as an affectionate thing.

Loves to snuggle into your hair when he sleeps.

Bite mark king. He’s so affectionate and earnest when he makes love that he just ends up leaving all kinds of signs on you--mostly bite marks but when he’s conscious of leaving too many, they turn into hand prints.

Makes the purr sound when he’s inside of you. Purrs very easily.

Most of his awkward moments come from being oblivious. He’s the kind of guy you have to out-and-out tell you’re flirting with him, that you like him and want to date him.

Beel’s also very shy with flirting. He thinks you’ll just understand that he’s flirting when he shares food or wants to hug, or just anything. It can be missed because he’s generally chill and friendly.

Was royally embarrassed by Asmo (on accident) when he didn’t eat as much at dinner one night and you were ‘too tired’ to come down. Beel went to carry your food up and Asmo somehow found out he’d eaten you out right before. He was filled up on the human energy and you couldn’t walk to come down.

If you ride his face, grab his horns to hold on. It does something for him and his hands go crazy and he really eats.

Scratch his back and he’ll be your forever heater.

His PDA is carrying you because why not? It’s a workout AND you’re close. It makes him give that big, nice smile.

Belphie

The biggest issue is that he falls asleep on you all the time. He doesn’t mean to but he’s TIRED, okay?

Has a name for the cow pillow. Calls it ‘my moo.’ You are one of seven people that know that. Apparently it’s been a thing since he was little.

Has accidentally called you ‘my moo’ when he’s sleep delirious. It means you’re highly thought of. Beel used to be his moo, too, and now he’s been replaced.

This sloth will smother you. He’s like a koala that demands total contact to sleep

Gives you back rubs and massages. Sometimes he stays awake through them, sometimes you get sleepy and that makes him sleepy so he ends up falling asleep on your back.

Not big on PDA, but his version of caring for you is making sure you’re not bothered by annoying people. Wants you to sit with him at lunch though, and he’ll sulk if you don’t.

His favorite kind of dates are where you stockpile food and drink in the room and just feed each other while lounging in cozy blankets

If you make him any kind of pillow or blanket for a birthday, it’s at the top of his collection. Everyone will see it when they walk into his room.

You’ll plan dates in the star room where he just holds you and points out constellations until you fall asleep. Knows a lot of the mythology/stories behind them and shares that.

No matter the size, Belphie likes to cuddle between your boobs. He says it’s for your heartbeat and that they’re comfy like pillows. His tail wags like crazy when he does this.

Also big on physical contact due to his time in the attic. You just have to be alone.

Brush and play with his hair. That’s what he likes most.

Just hold this boy, okay? He needs it.

If you guys are trying to nap and the other brothers are being noisy, he’ll do the demon scream thing to tell them to shut the hell up. He’s an absolute angel to you though. You’re tired too, he knows.

If you get a little purple streak or something in your hair, he’s smitten.

Get him a kanigiri and the boy is super stoked. He’ll wear it all around the House of Lamentation. Bonus points if it has a hoodie or something he can throw up to annoy Lucifer.

Might get you a little stuffed cow toy so you have something to hug if you have to go away or can’t be with him.

The type to be restless if he can’t sleep with you. Will come to your room in the dead of night and ask to snuggle. It’s the only time he’s nice about it (and vulnerable), so say yes.

You get to be a human body pillow. He loves it very much.

[idontblushsrry]

SFW Alphabet|| Megumi Fushiguro

A/N: Uhhhh I’m back on my bullshit >:) it’s missing Fushiguro hours folks.

Word Count: 2050

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

(If you want some more in depth affection headcanons click here)

Fushiguro is someone who isn’t big on pda but makes up for it in private. In public, he’ll hold your hand but in private he’s laying i your lap while you massage his scalp. Basically, he’s a big softie that just represses his urge to cuddle until he’s alone with you.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Best friend Megumi is literally the president of the Y/N defense squad. If anyone has a problem with you, they have a problem with him. Of course, you have to rein him in sometimes and remind him you can fight your own battles, but just know he’s lookin out for you.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Fushiguro loves to cuddle, but he will repress the urge to do so for as long as possible. Because of that, he doesn’t let you go, preferring to cling to you throughout the night. His cuddles are always deceptively loose too. His arms give you just enough wiggle room but the second you try to get up, it’s like fighting two pythons.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think he ever really planned on settling down, Megumi figured that he’d die long before he ever got the chance to settle down. Everyday is pretty much a new experience in terms of domesticity for him, he doesn’t have plans for the future, but as long as you’re with him, he’ll be happy.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If he ever had to break up with someone, he’d probably ask for help on how to do so. The first person he’d ask (regrettably) would be Gojo who’d tell Megumi to just ghost the person. After asking around some more, he figured Kugisaki’s approach of getting it over with as bluntly as possible (although less mean) was the best option.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Megumi isn’t really the type for wedding ceremonies. He’s all about commitment (even though working up to marriage for him is longer than most) but he’s not a fan of being the center of attention, so a wedding ceremony/reception wouldn’t be his thing. If you wanted a ceremony, he’d be willing to compromise somewhat but otherwise, he’s perfectly fine with just going to the courthouse.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s kind of rough around the edges. In private, he can be the sweetest, most tender soul, but in public he’ll put 7 yards of distance between you both if you try to hug him. Basically, he’s very shy, so anything that’ll draw too much attention is a no go (he isn’t opposed to linking pinkies though).

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

At first Megumi really only hugged you when he was missing you, sad, or tired. Over time though, he got better at becoming more open with his affection and he’ll hug you whenever he feels the urge to. Despite that though, his hugs still have an undercurrent of desperation in them. He holds on just as tight each time like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

He’s operating on a very strict ‘If you don’t say it, I won’t’ policy and as such this man will not say a single thing to you unless prompted. He knows deep down that he loves you and that you set off butterflies in his stomach every time you smile, but he never really thought to verbalize that until you say ‘I love you’ first.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Megumi doesn’t get jealous, he’s fought side by side with you and he knows you’re more than capable of fending off any unwanted suitors. Megumi put a lot of trust into you by already being in a relationship so to him, it makes no sense to be jealous over you. That all being said, he’s not above the occasional side eye if someone’s getting a little too buddy buddy.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

On a normal day, his kisses are so natural, he’s so slow and the pressure is just enough to have you thinking you’ve got all the time in the world. In near death/ post-near death circumstances, he’s a little more feral. When he kisses you like that, it feels like it’s the end of the world and he’s trying to make the most of it.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Fushiguro isn’t good with kids that aren’t old enough to communicate. Older kids are fine with him, but guessing what a baby needs based on how loud it’s crying? Hard pass for him and he doesn’t even feel bad about it. The last time he had to watch a baby, he tried to leave one of his shikigami to watch it; long  story short, he had to explain to a cackling Gojo why his demon dogs wouldn’t let him leave to go to the bathroom.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Fushiguro are pretty rare. Most of the time you guys don’t really get to sleep in or even spend mornings together since most of the time there’s missions or trainings you’ll have to go to. When you do get the rare morning off, Fushiguro makes the most of it. He sleeps in and doesn’t wake up before 10 no matter what you try. When he does finally wake up, he loves cooking breakfast with you, he’s not the best cook, but he treasures the experience over anything.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Megumi are also rare as most curses come out at night and that’s kinda your guys’ job. If all goes well though, you’ll both come back a little earlier and just go straight to sleep. If it’s a late night where the curse took more out of either of you than expected, yall usually stay up and talk and snack until one of you falls asleep or the sun comes up.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes him an extremely long time to open up to you about his past. Not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want you to think less of him for it (especially during his problem child era). To be honest, you probably find out about certain things from other people. Once he’s cornered confronted, he’ll be completely (albeit a bit grudgingly) honest about it.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

His anger is kind of weird, whereas before, he was a lot quicker to explode, bluntly telling off or even fighting whoever pissed him off, he’s changed. He tries his best to repress his emotions and as such, he comes off as patient, never expressing his true feelings/desires until pushed to the brink. 

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s the king of remembering details you mention in passing. His love language is partially acts of service so for him, remembering details about you helps him later. Oh remember that one time you needed a pen/pencil but didn’t have one? Never again, this man has a section of his shadows dedicated solely to pencils because of you. Oh what’s that, you like this random song? Guess what just got added to the playlist he made for you. Basically, while he may not look like it, he’s actually a simp and so if he can make your life easier/ make you happy, it’s worth it.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

So Megumi is someone who doesn’t play video games but is really good at them for no reason. One day, you’re playing a game of smash bros. and he’s just kicking your ass, like it was sad. Needless to say, after his 4th win, he “accidently” pressed the wrong button and let you win. He thinks you don’t know he did this but when you won, you kissed him and completely flustered him, to the point that he couldn’t play for a solid 5 minutes. 

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite knowing and trusting that you can defend yourself, he’s still super protective of you. You’re one of the few people that he cares about in the world and he’d give everything to see you safe and protected. As for how he’d like to be protected, knock some sense into him every once in a while. He has a habit of self sacrificing so if you want to protect him, remind him that you want to keep him alive as much as he wants to keep you alive.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

On the outside, his dates are very simple. They usually consist of you and him either staying in or just hanging out at stores and the like. Every once in a while, he’ll try to take you somewhere special, like a cove he found or a festival. For most people, these may be simple dates, but Fushiguro puts so much effort into so may aspects of your dates that honestly, anything bigger would lose the personal touch your dates have.

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

One of his worst habits is his self-sacrificing tendencies. Even during a baseball game, he can’t help but sacrifice himself (especially if it means his friends/ you get to get the glory). With time though, he grows out of this and realizes it’s not selfish to want the best for yourself.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s giving “I woke up like this” and it’s... it’s something. One might think the style is intentional since obviously, the look could only be achieved with gel, and to an extent, it is intentional. He might use gel to spike it a little more but the man legit rolls out of bed and chooses to leave his hair up like that.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, as much as he loves you, Fushiguro is an introvert. He needs time to just be by himself and unwind every once in a while, so he’s got no complaints if you leave him to his own devices or have to be gone for a long time.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

Megumi has negative zero relationship experience. He’s never found someone that was worth the risk/ worth opening up to, hell, he just barely got friends when he entered high school. Because of this, every part of your relationship is like navigating uncharted waters.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He’s less someone to dislike a specific thing/ personality trait, and more someone who doesn’t like different people for different reasons, ex. Todo and Mai. If he had to pick a single trait, it’d probably have to be hypocriticism.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He is someone who will fall asleep spread eagle one night and the next be huddled into a tiny little section of the bed. Mercy on you if you try to cuddle because now you’re wrapped up into his unconscious acrobatic routine.

[one-true-houselight]

Five Times Stan Wondered How Ford Would Feel, and One Time He Didn't Have To

1982

It was weird, being at his own funeral. Stan had certainly thought about faking his own death before, but he'd never had the time, or the ability. It's not often you get a chance to take over your identical twin's life as a cover story. 

It was the kind of story he would have told Ford to make him laugh when they were kids. The ultimate twin swap. The thought put a lump in his throat as he stared out at the small number of guests. An uncharitable part of him noted that Ford would probably have had more mourners.

A different, desperately scared and guilty part, wondered how Ford would feel if he was here, at his brother's actual funeral. Would he be sad? Would he remember the good times, or would he just see a broken machine, a crumpled bag of toffee peanuts?

Would he even come?

Stan breathed, trying to convince himself he was simply pursuing this train of thought so he could impersonate Ford more effectively. He hoped his performance was more effective than that effort. 

He sat on a bench and reflexively massaged the sides of his hands, where he'd made it look like extra fingers had been removed. To his surprise, Shermie came over and sat next to him. "You doin' ok, Stanford?"

"Yeah," Stan replied, hoping his illusion would hold. "As ok as I can be, I guess."

Shermie put a hand on his shoulder, and Stan kept himself from flinching. People hadn't put their hands on him for much beyond violence in...a while. "I know you and Stanley hadn't seen each other in a while, and it ending like this is probably difficult for you."

Stan shrugged, and thought once again; how would Ford feel right now, if the last time he'd seen Stan had been when he closed the curtain on him all those years ago, and not a brother desperately reaching for him as he disappeared through a swirling portal?

He figured it was wishful thinking when he replied, "I think I was done with anger, at this point. I just wish I had told him how I felt sooner."

1992

Stan was rummaging through the closet when an object fell from between some coats and landed at his feet. He picked it up to find it was a worn, six fingered glove. His first instinct was to drop it, as if it had burned him, but he didn't. He just stared at it for a while, thoughts wandering to the man who once wore it.

He kept holding it as he went back to work, (Stan was never one to stand still for too long), cleaning the gift shop, adjusting an attraction, locking up the earnings, entering the code on the vending machine. As he worked, he wondered what Ford would say if he was here right now. Probably something about scientific integrity, he thought with a snort. '

He wondered if he'd appreciate how he finally figured out a way to make money, if he'd laugh at the times Stan had had to punch something supernatural. It was certainly in character: Ford being the one ready to research and record phenomena, while Stan was the one coming in to punch it, or kick it, or sic a knife-wielding possum on it. They had made a good team. Maybe they still would, if-

No. Thinking like that didn't help, it wouldn't bring him back. To be fair, he didn't know if this would work, as he surveyed the broken portal looming from the darkness. But he had to try. He had to. 

He hoped Ford would be proud of him.

1999

Stan sat straight up in Shermie's kids' living room, fingers tapping wildly. When he'd gotten the call, he had run to the PA to close the gift shop immediately so he could pack. And now, after breaking more traffic laws in a day then he had thought possible, he was here, and he was about to meet-

"Stanford, meet Mason and Mabel." His niece and nephew walked in, each holding a baby. His breath caught in his throat. He had known they were twins, of course, he wasn't an idiot, but now, seeing these two bundles with the same face poking out over blankets, the fact hit him like a train.

"Looks like twins-" run in the family, but he couldn't say that. Shermie had agreed (reluctantly) to not mention Stanley to his family, given the tragic circumstances, so the comment would have been nonsensical to them. So he just smiled at his new great niece and nephew.

"They sure do, Stan. Want to hold them?" Stan's eyes widened slightly and he nodded. The babies were handed to him, one in each arm, and he looked down at them, tears in his eyes. Mabel's eyes locked onto his gold chain and she batted at it, entranced at the light bouncing off of it. Mason had a large birthmark on his head, like a constellation, and seemed fascinated by the tassel on Stan's hat. 

"Hey there. I'm your Great Uncle Stan," he whispered, his words sliding together a little from emotion. 

Their mom chuckled. "Sounded like you said 'Grunkle Stan'. It's usually the kids who give you the nickname."

Stan laughed, startling the babies a little. "You know what, I think I like Grunkle Stan better. 'Great Uncle' makes me feel old."

"Don't tell that to Dad," joked his nephew before standing. "I'll go make some lunch."

Stan made to stand up, but was pushed back into his seat. "You stay with the kids, it's fine."

Stan nodded and looked to the twins' mom, who had fallen into a chair across from him. "How are you holding up?"

She shrugged. "Twins are hard, but they're sleeping better than I expected. If I didn't know better, I'd think they were helping each other sleep."

Stan laughed. "I wouldn't be surprised, these two look smart." Mabel looked up at him and blew a raspberry. Mason sat up, then immediately fell forward into Stan's chest. He looked up and smiled, and Stan absentmindedly tapped his forehead. "Quite a birthmark he's got."

"Yeah. Shermie joked that we should call him 'Dipper'. He said it was like calling you Sixer-" She stopped suddenly, blushing. "Sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, no," said Stan quickly, his hands flitting to the scars on his hands. "I didn't mind that name. It certainly wasn't the worst thing I was called." It flowed easily, saying I. He had been Stanford for 17 years now, after all. 

The conversation moved on, the twins crawling over him as he chatted and laughed with their mother. But his thoughts were elsewhere, pushed to a familiar place by that nickname. He didn't know how Ford felt about having his own kids, but he knew he would have loved to be here, to see these kids. Maybe he could give better advice about Mason. 

Did he and Ford ever comfort each other, before they even knew what those words meant? Stan couldn't remember a time that he wasn't aware of Ford, a time before that night when they weren't by each other's sides. How would Ford react to see another set of Pines twins? As he looked down, he wished they never lost each other the way he and Ford had lost each other. It was the best blessing he could think to give them. 

July 2012

Stan sat in his chair, stunned. That morning, he had followed the sound of excited kids shouting to find that someone had found Ford's old room As he'd walked in, hoping they wouldn't ask him too many questions, he had glanced over and seen them sitting there, as if Ford had left them there minutes before. He had always had a bad habit about his glasses. 

With a look at the kids, who were distracted, he grabbed the glasses and shoved them in a pocket, covering his reeling mind with announcing a competition. He made it through the day, not internalizing much. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure there had been something going on with Dipper and Mabel, but he just hadn't been present enough to figure out what. It seems like they were figuring out whatever it was, so he was just left sitting in the dark, staring at a pair of glasses.

He was so close. Was Ford even alive? He had to be. He had been working on this for thirty years, he had to believe that Ford was out there. What was Ford doing right now? Had he found some nerd school? Stan smiled at that, and tried not to imagine the many, many less attractive options. 

He heard footsteps upstairs, and he contemplated what Ford would have done that day, with the kids. Maybe he would have had a reasoned discussion with the kids, about boundaries and choices. Or maybe he would have seen his own resentment reflected in those kids' eyes, and…

He had spent thirty years as Stanford Pines, and had slowly weaned himself off of trying to act as he thought Ford would. But even if he hadn't, he would have started now. Because if he couldn't stop the curse with him and Ford, he would not pass it down to Dipper and Mabel. He had to believe that siblings were not doomed to fail, he had to believe that he could help these kids out from a shadow they didn't know they were under. 

And even though he didn't believe it, he hoped he could get Ford and him out too, someday. He hoped Ford would want to come. 

August 2012

Ford was here.

Ford was here.

Thirty years of work, and Ford was in the next room, bemoaning what Stan had done to the shack. 

Figures.

"You know, Ford, standing around yelling at the Mystery Shack isn't gonna change anything," he called out. Ford walked into the room, eyebrows furrowed. 

"I still don't understand why you had to take my identity," said Ford. "Wouldn't it have been easier to fake my death?"

I didn't know if it would have been fake He shrugged and replied, "Do you know how many crimes I've committed? It was better that way."

"I can imagine," muttered Ford, with more venom than Stan liked, but no more than he expected. 

"Hey, you know a lot of crimes were to get you back."

Ford snorted at that, but fell quiet for a moment, staring at his own hands. Finally, without looking up, he asked, "How'd you fake the hands, Stanley?"

"Said I cut 'em off." He held up his hands to show the faded scars, and Ford's eyes widened slightly.

"You gave yourself scars?"

"Yeah. I've got enough of them." Stan did not mention that, as much as these scars had hurt, they had paled in comparison to how he had felt watching Ford get pulled away from him. 

Ford stared, almost transfixed, at Stan's hands before abruptly standing up. "I should keep working," he muttered and swept off. 

Stan crossed his arms and muttered, "Man, I thought I had been too grumpy as you." He laid back and sighed. Thirty years he had sat and wondered about how Ford would feel, how he'd react, what he was missing. And here they were, together again, and Stan still didn't know how the man felt. Not really. Yes, the punch had been a good clue as to some of it, but...He didn't know what had happened to Ford out there. He didn't know how it felt to be back. Was he disoriented? Scared? Excited? Overwhelmed? 

Damn it, why wouldn't Ford let him help? How could he not see that Stan still cared about him? How much he missed him?

Maybe because you haven't told him, a voice said. Yeah, well, turn about's fair play, Stanford…

He shook his head. He had 'til the end of summer. He could still fix things. If he could fix an interdimensional portal, he could fix his relationship with his brother, his twin, his best friend…

Right?

September 2012

Stan sat on the porch of the Mystery Shack, watching the sun go down. Ford walked out and sat down next to him. "How are you doing, Stanley?"

"I'm fine. Mind feels good. You?"

"I'm...I'm good." Ford took a breath. "I'm sorry, Stanley." 

Stan looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Didn't we do this already?"

"Not really. I may have apologized for certain events, but...I never told you that I'm grateful, not really. After everything you've lived through, all the things I caused, you gave your life over to bringing me back. You sacrificed your mind to save me, to save the world. And I never, I could never acknowledge before now how good a person you really are."

"You really don't need to do this, Ford, I know how cool I am-"

"No, you don't. Stanley, you think that you have to act like this to make up for something. I let you think you needed to fight for redemption after that science fair, and you've been fighting your whole life, never understanding that you are enough. I just want you to know that people see you, that they know you're a good person. The kids, Soos...me. You deserve to know how I feel." There was a pause as Stan gathered his thoughts, but then he started laughing. Ford furrowed his brows. "I'm not joking, Stanley. You are worthy of love, and-"

"No, no," said Stan, putting a hand on Ford's shoulder. "I...you're right, I don't have the best self esteem, but that's not it. I've spent 30 years wondering how you'd feel, what you'd do. And now, now I finally know." A single tear streaked down his face. "Thank you. I really think I needed to hear that."

Ford pulled him into a hug. "I only wish I could have told you sooner." At that, they both started crying in earnest, and Stan knew he finally knew how his twin felt. 

Like him, he felt love.

[brandyllyn]

SFW Alphabet: Poe Dameron

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?):

Poe loves watching you talk to other people. He knows how to be charming, to get people laughing and smiling, but people just seem to trust you. Spilling out their deepest secrets without thinking twice about it. He asked you about it once but you just shrugged and said people like it when other’s listen to them and then you’d poked him in the chest with a pointed look. Once you two were done wrestling he’d forgotten the question entirely. B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?):

He loves your hands. Watching you fiddle with a piece of machinery or glide over the controls of your work station / X-Wing. Sometimes, during a meal or just the middle of the day, you’ll reach over and cup his cheek in your palm, tracing your fingers against his temple. It makes him just melt.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?):

You once likened cuddling with Poe to being caught by an especially nice smelling kraken. He just wraps himself around you, every one of his limbs tangled with every one of yours. There is no graceful exit from a Poe cuddle. You’re either in or you’re fighting for your life to get out. D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?):

Poe hasn’t dated much. What he knows about romance is what he remembers of his parents being together. So usually he does things like make meals for you, or take your hand while you’re on a walk and spin you into a dance right then and there. He has plans for when the war is over. Of taking you to someplace safe and tropical and just relaxing. But for now he’s got BB-8 programmed to play music at opportune times and he’ll do what he can to bring a little bit of romance into your life. E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?):

Big emotions. Big. Poe doesn’t have small reactions to most things. He’s either running hot or he’s hiding how he’s feeling. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but you’ve learned over time to decipher the twitch of his eyebrows, how he clenches his jaw. And you coax him into talking with you about things before they can become too big. F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?):

Poe wants kids. A half dozen of them with his nose and your eyes, and another half dozen orphans from the war. He wants to sit on a couch somewhere with your kids in his lap and his arm wrapped around you and just drift off into a peaceful sleep where he won’t have to worry about invading forces.

He’s happy to wait for that as long as it takes to be safe. And if that day is too far in the future where natural kids are off the table - then he’s open to adopting all of them. G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?):

Poe is like a magpie, always finding shiny rocks or shells and leaving them in weird places for you to find. He’s not one for giving big gifts - but every day he finds a stone that’s the same color as your eyes, or he sends you a photo of something he saw that reminded him of you.

For his part, he gets very chuffed when you get him gifts. You got him a scarf a few months ago that he wore every day for a month - proudly telling anyone who commented that it was a gift from you and wasn’t it perfect? H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?):

If you are within three feet of you Poe is reaching for your hand. It’s like it’s automatic. Once you walked up behind him and you’d swear on everything there was no way he knew you were there but his hand reached back anyway and found yours.

When you’re in Command and pressed in with the rest of the crew, sometimes he holds your hand then too. You’re not supposed to, supposed to be professionals and focused on the mission. But it’s like he can’t help himself. I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?):

He would lose his goddamn mind. Once after doing a blood donation in MedBay you fainted on shift and had to be transported back down there. By the time you woke up you found out that he’d tried to force his way inside the MedBay and was sitting in the brig for punching a superior officer. He got off with a warning and cleaning detail but there were standing orders on base that if you ever went into the MedBay again all efforts were to be made to clear a path from Poe to you.

J = Jealousy (do they get jealous?):

Not really? You’re far more likely to get jealous of him talking to someone than he is to get jealous of you. What he gets jealous of is your time. You two have so few moments to just be together, any time you end up doing something else he sulks. Internally. He’d never want you to think he didn’t want you to have friends or interests outside of him. But yeah, if he could spend the rest of his life in bed with just the two of you he’d do that without thinking twice.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?):

Soft. So so soft. It’s like he’s afraid he’s going to break you. Or scare you. Or some other strange thing he has in his head about you. It’s always you that deepens the kiss. Always you that makes things a little rougher, a little needier.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?):

It’s a thousand little things. The stroke of his thumb across the back of your hand. The way he saves the best part of his rations for you. He always has a cup of caf ready for you when you wake up, steaming and hot and just the way you like it.

He says it a lot too. Your favorite is when he nuzzles his nose against yours and just barely whispers it.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?):

Your first kiss will always be one of his favorites. You’d been off together alone somewhere, arguing about Maker only knew what, and the next thing he knew you were kissing him. He’d frozen, convinced that he’d imagined it. But when you started babbling about how you were sorry and would never do it again he had kissed you and you’d melted against him.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?):

Losing. 

Losing the war. Losing his squad. Losing you. It’s a constant pall that hangs over your lives. Sometimes he wakes up in the night from dreams where the squadron goes down. Or the First Order has captured the base. You’re always there to soothe him, to stroke his back and tell him that will never happen.

He knows you can’t make that promise, but somehow hearing you say it makes it almost feel true.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?):

Poe has a thing about bones. He doesn’t like them. Back on Yavin IV there was this cave he accidentally fell into as a boy and was stuck down there for hours in some animal’s abandoned abattoir. Since then, he hasn’t been able to be around old bones without feeling like he might throw up.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?):

Sweetheart, gorgeous, beautiful, sexy. Once after a night of celebrating with the crew and a cask of whiskey, he mumbled something to you in a language you didn’t recognize. When you repeated it back to him he’d pushed you up against the wall and kissed you like his life depended on it, sighing the word into your mouth over and over.

He still won’t tell you what it means - or even what language it is. C-3PO is under strict instructions not to tell you.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?): 

He just likes being near you. If you’re both in your quarters he enjoys sitting with your feet across his lap while you both read. Or going on walks together to look at the stars. Sometimes at Command he positions himself so that he’s closer to you, just to feel the sense of peace that settles over him when you’re near.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?):

Poe enjoys music, really he does. But he’s never really had time or inclination to learn much about it. He likes things that he can dance to with you.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?):

You and he both have secrets. You work in different squads/ departments which means you sometimes have intel that the other doesn’t. You both understand that and try hard not to accidentally push about it.

When it comes to your personal lives Poe is, at times, an over-sharer. He asks you questions about you all the time and will answer truthfully anything you ask him.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?):

Longer than either of you we’re happy with. He knew he wanted you from the first moment - but with everything else going on in the universe there was never time to get to know each other. A few dates were made but always got cancelled. You spent literal months flirting and then sighing melodramatically around each other until it was an act of mercy for Command to give you both the day off and send you off somewhere alone.

When you came back you were a couple.

U = Upset (how do they act when they’re upset?):

He rarely gets truly deeply angry. Annoyed a lot - which usually manifests in an eyeroll or at worst him storming off in a huff for a bit. But when he gets truly, deeply angry he lashes out. Sometimes knocking something over or sometimes even with harsh words. You’ve had to talk to him about that - about saying things that were too harsh in the heat of the moment. He’s working on it but coming along slowly. Thankfully, you two rarely fight.

V = Vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?):Poe has never really put much thought into his looks. He knows his hair is too long most of the time, but you seem to like playing with it so he never cuts it until you say something. He never really thought of himself as more than passably handsome until you came into his life. With the number of times you have assured him he’s gorgeous he’s starting to believe it and jokes about entering beauty pageants when the war is over.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting?):

He doesn’t like it. He really doesn’t like it. Not because he thinks you can’t take care of yourself, but because he hates the idea of you getting hurt.

Once, he saw you throw a Wookie over your shoulder during a training exercise and had to stop himself from yelling "That’s my girl!" across the field. So there is that.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?):

He misses signals a lot. Over time, you’ve learned that he’s a fairly direct person and he functions best if you’re direct with him as well. Dropping hints about being upset will generally be met with confusion or him entirely mis-reading the situation and making things worse. The good thing is that he’s very open and willing to communicate. He just needs to know what you want to communicate about so he can be fully onboard.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?): 

Poe wants someone who listens to him - but who will stand up to him when the time comes. He’s not really into super shy or hesitant types. He lives his life fast and wants someone who will either keep up with him or grab him by the scruff of the neck to make him slow down.

He hates pranks. Hates them. Hates being the victim of them and will never ever help in their perpetration. They always seem more cruel to him than humorous.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?):

Sitting in the quiet of space. Radio off, just drifting in his X-Wing. There’s something almost meditative about it. The only other time he feels that way is when you’re holding him in your arms.

[aliceinreverselondon]

You Really Got Me – part 2: First Impressions (Kakashi Hatake x Reader)

(note: part 1)

“Will you finally tell us what she is, Kakashi sensei?”

Sakura’s question came before they even reached the elevator which meant she lasted a good two minutes before demanding answers. Letting out a long sigh, Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. He sure hoped she would soon grow out of this slightly annoying habit of hers. Especially since Naruto was the same, but there was no chance he would change in the near future.

But he really did promise them to explain what exactly happened so he couldn’t back out now. Surprisingly, Sakura had hit the nail right on the head with her question. If he wanted to explain who you were, he had to begin with what you were. When it came to how well you knew each other, though, he would have to be careful not to give away too many personal details. No one needs nosy kids in their life.

As he pushed the button to close the door of the elevator, Kakashi let out a thoughtful hum. “Well, Y/N is a phantom. Do you know about them?” While Sakura and Naruto both shook their heads, Sasuke remained silent as usual. But this time it could be because he had already heard about her kind, as one could expect from a kid who grew up in the Uchiha Clan. “They are considered a type of tricksters, although they’re a lot more powerful as adults than your average trickster. Because of their unique abilities and backgrounds, phantoms are members of an organization that operates worldwide. It’s a lot like ANBU, except they’re independent of governments and only answer to one person.”

“So she’s an Alpha?” Sasuke asked, sounding slightly surprised for some reason. When he received a quick nod in response, he folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the metal wall. “I thought they were more… serious.”

Kakashi shrugged and didn’t even try to hold back a short chuckle. “They’re not robots, they have different personalities. Y/N is… a wild one,” he added with a grin under the mask.

“Wait, what is an Alpha?” Naruto wondered out loud as his eyes scanned the faces of people around him, waiting to see who was ready to provide an answer.

“Are they the phantoms or the members of the organization?”

“Both, actually,” Kakashi replied as he glanced over at the girl. “Phantoms that aren’t good enough or simply refuse to be members of the organization are executed, this is why the two are the one and the same at the end of the day. Alpha is a nickname some gave them because you can say they are on top of the food chain. They usually work alone but every now and then they ask for the help of… specialists, humans or other supernatural creatures who have abilities or knowledge they need for the job. Those people, especially those who become regular aides, are called Betas,” he explained, this time looking at Naruto as he spoke.

The four of them left the building and Kakashi began to think about what else he should tell them about you. Your abilities? No, it would be better if you gave them a demonstration. How you met? Definitely not, his reaction to Sasuke’s question regarding your personality gave away more than enough already. To avoid further questions from the kids, he eventually decided to pull out his book and read on the rest of the trip to the restaurant.

For his luck Sakura and Naruto discussed this between themselves, occasionally trying to get some information out of Sasuke now that he wasn’t paying much attention to them. As long as they left him alone, Kakashi was okay with that. Especially because he wanted to think about the upcoming dinner with you. He wished it was just the two of you, though. After what he had done, he really wanted to make it up to you somehow. Well, maybe you could meet later to make this happen, once these three went to sleep.

Oh, how he loved and hated at the same time what you did to him. You were like a drug he just couldn’t get out of his system. But, to be honest, he had truly missed this high he was experiencing now thanks to you. He may have forgotten to call you but it didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about you once. In fact, every time he read one of the Make Out books, he couldn’t help but think about the two of you. Strangely enough, this was by far the most stable relationship he had ever had. Okay, not like he had so many other relationships in the past to compare it to but… It was still different. And special.

“You took your time, guys.”

When Kakashi looked up, his eyes fell on you as you watched them with a wide grin on your face. Tilting his head to the side for a moment, he put away his book and glanced at his watch. “You said fifteen minutes. It’s only been ten.”

“Duh, I thought you were ninjas, not a group of elderly people who went on a nice evening stroll,” you told him with a roll of your eyes.

He really wanted to laugh because he missed your stupid sense of humor, but it would’ve probably ended with him kissing you. And he wouldn’t have stopped at a quick kiss on the lips. Oh, no. If it was just the two of you, you would have skipped dinner altogether. But his mind was wandering too far again. He had to stop, damn it. “Very funny,” was all he said in the end.

“Is that blood?” Sasuke suddenly spoke up, pointing at your shirt.

“What?” You looked down and noticed the bloodstain on your chest. While you quickly zipped your red jacket to cover it up, you flashed a reassuring smile at the kids. “Don’t worry, it’s not mine.”

All three of them. All three of the kids opened their mouths at the exact same time, probably to ask for details, but Kakashi was fast enough to stop them with a pointed look. You had said it yourself back on the rooftop: there was something you quickly had to take care of. Knowing you, it was most probably an assassination and he didn’t want to talk about things like this tonight. Was it too much to ask for? Was a normal, delightful evening too much to ask for? Just one damn night.

After clearing his throat, Kakashi spoke up. “So we were about to get something to eat, right? Naruto, I’m sure you’re starving as always.”

But Naruto hesitated and scratched the back of his head as he flashed a sheepish grin at him. “Actually, as weird as it might sound, I have so many questions that I can’t even think about food right now.”

“Shoot.”

Were you seriously planning to answer his questions? “Y/N, come on,” he tried with a sigh.

“Don’t come on me. If he has questions, let him ask them.”

“We can do that inside.”

He had no luck because you clearly weren’t about to go inside anytime soon. Shaking his head, Kakashi pulled out his book and leaned against the wall of the restaurant. At least he had time to read a little more while the four of you talked. He already had a bad feeling about this conversation but for now, he decided to only listen and keep his opinion to himself. There was no need to interrupt you, he could do that if something went wrong. Which, knowing you, was highly likely.

“What kind of missions do you go on?

“Kakashi told you a few things about me, didn’t he? Well, covert missions, assassinations, manhunts… Usually, we go after supernatural creatures, but there are times when we assist in different cases too, like hostage situations. Since it’s really hard to kill us, we often help out when the situation is too dangerous for humans.”

“Cool. So what can you do?”

“Alpha’s are supposed to be powerful, right?” Kakashi looked up from his book and turned to Sasuke. Back when he had told the team about you, Sasuke didn’t seem very convinced about you being an Alpha. Sadly, he already knew where the kid was going with this, and he also knew perfectly well how you would react. But maybe he was wrong. “I can’t take you seriously enough to believe you’re one.”

“Excuse me?!”

Yes, this is exactly how he had expected you to react. “Oh, no, here we go,” he whispered under his breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

You took a threatening step toward Sasuke who didn’t even flinch at first. “You wanna see powerful?”

But when your eyes turned black, all three took a few cautious steps back to build some distance. “Y/N, please, just let it go,” Kakashi told you as he put a hand on your shoulder.

“No, no, no, if he wants to see what I can do, fine, I’ll show him. And I know just the place,” you explained hurriedly. At least your eyes were back to normal which meant you managed to calm down a bit already. That was good. He didn’t need more drama out on the street. You pulled out your phone and quickly dialed someone’s number. “Hey, Kisuke, I’d like to ask for a favor. Can I use your underground training facility tonight? I need to teach some stupid brat a lesson… No, I don’t want to kick his ass, but he pretty much called me weak so I nearly threw hands with a thirteen years old kid… Cool, thanks, we’ll be there soon.” Once you ended the call, you turned to the kids and said, “Alright, we’ll order food and eat there. Let’s go, my car’s just around the corner.”

Note: Wow, I wasn’t expecting so many of you to like the pilot. But here’s part 2, I hope you’re not disappointed 😳

tag: @spn-obession​

[ptergwen]

yo, what do you think about peter with an azula type reader? Like with the abilities & all that? Would he be interested in something like that, wdy think?

YOOOO HOLD ON i never thought about that before but now that you mentioned it that would be so sick! so here’s a kinda long headcanon

you were recruited by tony after he read your file from SHIELD

he had asked them to send over any information they had on possible threats

your name was on the list

tony read all about your fire powers and where you came from

he realized you were just a kid who needed some guidance, and you could do amazing things if you learned how to use your powers for good

that’s how you end up at the avengers facility

you want to work on yourself as much as tony does, but you were honestly scared

until you met peter

tony introduced you to him after you settled into your room

peter definitely wasn’t ready for it

“i’m uh, wow, i’m peter. your hair’s really pretty. wait that’s weird-“

he was a stuttering, blushing mess

you thought it was kind of sweet

“i like yours too. i’m y/n.”

he gave you a goofy smile and stuck out his hand

that was a bit dorky to you, but you shook it anyway

part of working on yourself is being nicer to people

tony suggested peter gave you a tour of the facility, and you were both down

peter took you down every hall on every floor, telling you fun facts about each avenger when you passed their room

he sure did talk a lot

it’s nice though. you didn’t really have friends, and this was your chance to change that

you even laughed at a corny science joke peter made while showing you tony’s lab

“personally, the movie theater is my favorite room in the whole place”

“do you guys have star wars here? it would look so cool on a screen that big”

“oh my god, we’re gonna be best friends”

you started your training the next morning with wanda, since her powers are the most similar to yours

she teaches you how to control yourself so your emotions didn’t set them off

you have a habit of shooting fireballs involuntarily when you lost your temper

peter offered to help you practice defense moves later

he didn’t know what he was in for

he thought having nonflammable webs meant he’d get you down easily

you just blocked everything he shot with a shield of fire

peter was already in awe of what he was seeing

“holy shit, you can do that? that’s so awesome!”

“i can do a lot of stuff, peter. maybe i should be giving you defense training”

training with peter and wanda went on for a couple of weeks

then you added in breakfast with peter and lunch after defense practice

it became a routine you actually looked forward to

you eventually worked your way up to gameroom nights together

your favorite is air hockey because you beat peter almost every time

sometimes you let him win just to see his dumb eye crinkling smile

dance dance revolution is also fun

you both suck so you always end up freestyling

peter’s carefree attitude really balances you out, especially when you‘re in a mood about something

unlike most people, your sarcasm is what peter likes most about you. you could be funny without actually trying

he’s one of the only people who wasn’t automatically afraid of you or your powers. he gave you a chance to show your real self to him

you spent over a month getting to know each other before peter asked you out on a date

he was super nervous about it, sweaty palms and all

“y/n, you um... i mean um... do you wanna watch a movie with me?”

“like as a date?”

“if that’s okay with you, yeah”

so you watched the empire strikes back in the big facility movie theater

you and peter shared popcorn and he kept doing the cliche thing where he’d “accidentally” touch your hand in the bucket

he was such a nerd but you overlooked it

towards the end he worked up the courage to hold your hand

you were surprised he didn’t ask a bunch of times first, but laced your fingers together

after it ended he walked you back to your room (which was right across from his) with his hand in yours

the next morning at breakfast he asked you out on another movie date

a few weeks later and you were officially a couple

you’re also officially on the team!!!

tony decided you’d had enough training at that point to start patrolling

peter took you with him one night so he could give you a little tutorial

there wasn’t much going on, so you just did firebending tricks for him on a random rooftop

peter loves watching you in your element

he knows how powerful you really are, and that you can do things nobody else could. no one appreciated it like he did

patrol evolves into missions together

you play bad guy, he plays good guy when it comes to dealing with anyone

peter has his quips and strength, you have a lot of rage and stamina to work with

tony is proud of the duo he kind of created

of course peter gives you those cheesy compliments after like “you were on fire out there” and “you looked smoking hot fighting that guy, babe”

then there are the missions that don’t go so well

you have a hard time keeping it together like wanda taught you when those happen

you’ll get back to the facility and fight some punching bags in the gym, burning at least one to ashes

peter never judges you for that

he knows how it feels to be angry after losing

you just want to prove you‘re getting better, and a loss won’t do that

he helps you get your confidence back up, however long it takes

it isn’t long at all before you have him pinned to the floor during training

which could sometimes lead to a makeout session if he isn’t feeling too shy

oh yeah and peter looooooves kissing you

like he’s just waiting for you to make the move all the time

you’re the one who speeds it up or bites his lip first

plus he says you taste like cinnamon which you’re pretty sure is another fire joke

you’re there to make peter feel better after his losses too

he’s better at it though because he’s the nice one and you’re more awkward with that stuff

but you both support each other however you can

you’re not super into pda because peter is shy about it, but there are those rare times he holds you by your waist or kisses your cheek in front of the other avengers

sam and bucky tease the hell out of peter for it

everyone else just ignores it, but thor thinks it’s adorable

you have to admit, you love your odd little family

you take advantage of the summer weather and have campouts in the huge ass backyard sometimes

peter gets the tent set up while you start a fire by throwing fire disks at the wood

it gets peter every time

“y/n, i think you’re the coolest person i know. or should i say warmest?”

“parker, i think you’re the biggest nerd i know. but it’s cute”

you roast marshmallows and pepper comes to check on you once or twice

tony worries about you guys, but he won’t say it directly

you try to scare peter with a ghost story, and he won’t confirm but you saw him shiver

you go to bed in sleeping bags with peter’s head resting on your chest

when summer comes to an end, peter has to go back home to queens

school is a thing and he misses may

you’re both literally devastated he can’t stay at the facility forever

“i wish you could come to midtown so bad. it’s gonna suck not seeing you every day”

“i have to keep working on myself. we’ll figure it out, parker”

you hug for a good five minutes and peter has to let go first

you’ll never tell him, but you cried the day he left

it’s not so bad because you have nat and wanda to spend time with

and peter texts you live updates of his days at school

you also facetime if he’s not on patrol or you’re not on a mission

he makes his weekly visits to the facility as requested by tony

but he spends more time with you than whatever he’s supposed to be doing

peter brings ned and mj with him one time since he thinks you’ll all get along

you become friends with mj even faster than peter

she has the same dry sense of humor as you, and she thinks your powers are so badass

now you have the best boyfriend in the world and some really cool friends too

life isn’t so bad after all

[harrieatthemet]

Commitment

in which Harry likes to daydream and you burst his bubble. 

“Don't mess this up, love.”

What was partially intended to be words of encouragement are merely taken as added, and honestly unnecessary, pressure. He realizes how it may have come off only after he had said it; only after you cock your neck and side eye him from your spot on Anne’s living room floor. 

He doesn’t mean to be overbearing. He doesn’t mean to, quite literally, be breathing down your neck. And though you’d beg to differ right now as you mumble at him to shut up, he really doesn’t mean to add any pressure. 

Because it’s only a game. It’s just a friendly game amongst family; lighthearted and something to do while everyone digests dessert. Except he’s winning. His team is winning, beating Gemma’s only by a point, and it would just eat him alive watching that smug grimace pop up on his cousins face if you got this question wrong. 

“She hit it!,” he yelps, and Anne instinctively hushes him, “s’fair, g’on and let her answer it.” 

He’s practically squirming in his spot, eyes in slits as he taunts Gemma from the opposing side of his mother’s sitting area. And he’s so jittery that each time he jiggles his knee, it juts against the top of your spine. But seriously, he can’t help it, and as you choke out an answer he feels like he might actually explode. 

“Well fine,” Gemma huffs, “you guys win.”

She’s rolling her eyes at how exaggerated he can be as he literally leaps, taunting Gemma for being a sore loser before he’s showering you in praises. His joy at winning a quiz round during an after dinner game is comparable to that of winning a grammy, and dramatic as it may be, Anne is absolutely eating it up. 

“Hope your kids get her brains.” his cousin jokes, to which, Harry’s smile only doubles. 

“I could only get so lucky, yeah?”  

All it takes is a very haphazard, nonchalant remark about kids to have him like this; musing at a future he’s constantly fantasizing about. Even a bit of a blush crawls onto the apples of his cheeks as he steals a glimpse of you, trying to imagine what your eyes would look like on a baby with his smile. He’s far gone, for sure, wrapped up in a favorite daydream. 

“Talking about babies?” Anne’s practically singing the topic back, it seems to be her favorite as of late. 

She can notice Harry’s off again, in that place, the one where he’s bemused by a concept as he completely neglects existing reality. His smile is dopey and the only thing that lures his attention somewhat back to the small group of family sitting around seems to be the word babies. 

“Oh no,” you laugh, “don’t get him started.”

Not that it matters, anyways, because he’s already gone and gotten started well before you opened your mouth. He’s got a bad habit of letting his thoughts get the best of him; imagination tends to rule his thought process before it completely consumes him. 

Which is, of course, what happens. Because now everyone’s turned in for the night, wrapping paper has been discarded and gifts have been adoringly tucked away before everyone said their goodnights. 

But Harry was here, eyes trained on you as you sorted out a few things in your travel bag, muttering under your breath in frustration. He’s not sure how long he’s been like this, staring at you while he dreamt up a very colorful future. It’s been long enough, he’s sure, because you’ve caught him staring a few times. Each time his smile was dopier than the last. 

“Got something to tell me?” you laugh, catching him again as you dig up a pair of socks. 

“No,” he sighs sweetly, “s’nothing, really.”

“Okay.”

It’s not exactly the answer he was hoping for, nor the one he was really expecting either. His unconvincing, sing-songy hum was supposed to be an invitation for you to dig a little deeper. That was the plan. Clearly it was a shitty one considering you’re elbow deep in your overnight bag, your back turned to him again as you dig for a hairbrush.

An octave higher than normal, making it obvious he’s angling, he caves, “Unless you really wanna know.”

It’s rhetorical because, honestly, either way he figures he’s going to tell you. If he doesn’t there’s a good chance he’ll explode. He’ll be stuck like this for the rest of the night, his legs jumpy and face contorted in excitement. Really, it’s weird you didn’t ask sooner considering he hasn’t been able to sit still or break the smirk that’s starting to make his jaw sore.

“What’s got you all,” and your nose scrunches in adoration when he literally starts squirming, “`wiggly.”

The impulsive wobbling and jittery-ness is that of a child, almost. And honestly, he’s got no idea how odd it might look. He doesn’t care. Surely his big idea is what has him like this, and keeping it to himself is making him grow restless.

“Dunno,” he shrugs, “liked all that baby talk at dinner.”

And what he receives from you is a breathy chuckle, “I figured.”

“Yeah?”

A subtle hum in response is so misleading for him. Because what does that mean? Considering it means anything at all and, knowing you, surely it means something.

And he wants to ask, really that was the entire point of him bringing it up. Of course, he doesn’t. You don’t give him the chance to, either, because as quickly as the conversation started is as quickly as it fades out. It’s only a matter of seconds before you’re back at the bag, dragging out a sleeping ensemble.

“I wasn’t done.” He gripes, nudging the back of your thigh with his foot.

He’s wishing you’d give him a little bit more of your time. It’s hard to talk to you when your shirt is halfway over your head, covering your face and contributing to his impatience. Can’t you see how giddy he is? Thinking about a baby has got him buzzing, he wants to get you in the same headspace.

“M’listening,” you assure, “keep going.”

He almost lets it out in one breath, “Just had me thinking how we’d make pretty babies.”  

It really isn’t anything groundbreaking. It’s not like this is the first time a conversation like this had come up. He can recount the few times baby was on the brain, a handful of those times being brought about mainly by two finished bottles of wine.

This is much different. His intentions are motivated by sincerity, not a $40 bottle of red. He’s asking you sober, with a little bit of butterflies in his belly and a child-like grimace.

“Wanna, y’know,” he wriggles, “start makin’ all these pretty babies.”

Initially, he’d gone into this conversation with his spirits high. He might’ve been riding on a surge of confidence laced with a bit of excitement, a few nerves too. It quickly disappears, almost like it never occurred, as soon as he hears you chuckle to yourself. Any other time he’d be thrilled to hear it. He loves getting a laugh out of you, even goes out of his way sometimes to do it. But this really wasn’t one of those times.

“Wha’,” if the somber expression on his face wasn’t telling enough, his underwhelmed tone of voice gives him away almost instantly, “wasn’t looking t’make you laugh.”

“I know,” and you’re quick to wipe the smile off your face, seeing how disappointed he looks, “just- Harry a baby is a big step.”

“Know tha’.”

“And we’re not married,” you add, “we aren't even engaged.”

“Married,” he reiterates, “wha’ does marriage have t’do with this?”

You’ve known him to be a lot of things; creative, generous, kind. The list could go on. One thing, though, you’ve never known him to be was stupid. And surely, he was smart enough to find the link between a child and a marriage. It wasn’t hard, if it were too intricate you’d have never mentioned it in the first place. 

To him it may as well have been rocket science, because his brows are completely knit into one while the corners of his lips taught up in disinterest. Marriage. He didn't want to talk about marriage and he wishes you’d never brought it up. And, honestly, you’re starting to wish the same. 

“I don’t know,” your sarcasm isn’t taken kindly by him, “everything?” 

“How do y’figure?” 

Not only has his energy completely shifted, but so has the tone of the conversation. He’s visibly put off, unamused and even a bit agitated. For what reason remains unknown to you. But his frown is prominent, the corners of his mouth have even started creasing a bit. And he’s not sitting at the edge of the bed, he’s fully stood up, very impatiently waiting for you to answer his question. 

“I just,” you huff, “I don’t think I could have a baby without a ring first.” 

And that answer just isn’t what he wanted to hear, “Why?” 

“That commitment is important to me, that’s why.” 

Anne is about a few rooms down the hall, is sister just across and a few of his cousins just beneath them in the living room. With that in mind, you’d like to think he’d leave this argument for when the two of you wouldn’t have to take into account the possibility of family overhearing, when you were in the privacy of your own home. The car ride back to London, at the very least, would have been uncomfortable but private. 

Of course, he doesn’t seem to care that his mother could be overhearing them bicker. He doesn’t mind the risk, it’s evident in the way his voice is beginning to grow. 

“Wha’ difference does it make,” and, so badly, you wish he’d just lower his voice, “think m’not already committed?”

“Do we really need to fight about this,” you’re hoping that keeping your tone hushed and soft will be a silent inkling to save this for another time, “right now?”

“Yes!” and to no avail, because he’s still fucking yelling, “Yes, we do.”

“Harry, what’s the big deal if we get married before having-”

“I don’t want t’fucking get married!”

It really wasn’t supposed to come out like that. But it did, impulsively, and blunt. Perhaps, maybe, a little more harsh than something like that should have been. He almost immediately realizes his delivery was shit, it was apathetic.

An ice-like, uncomfortable tension thickens in the room even though it’s a little less stand offish now. Regardless, it doesn’t matter, because the mood is still off-putting and his he’s still a little red in the face as he does what he can to cool off without putting his foot in his mouth for a second time tonight. 

Now he’s in his childhood bedroom, a little bit of guilt starting to sneak up on him. It’s becoming more prominent when he can make out a few tears pooling at your waterline, despite how stoic your face is and how hard you’re forcing yourself not to cry. 

Especially since Anne’s knuckles are raking at the bedroom door. 

[yenni19]

Chapter 10

Akamari is upset crying in her room, Souske knocks at the door

Souske(opening the door): can I come in?

Akamari: your in already so shut the door

Souske: I'm sorry....

Akamari: why did you throw a fit....what's your deal with Sarutobi anyway.....he did nothing to you...it was just a present

Souske: it's not what he did....its what he is to you...and because of his father

Akamari: I don't understand...

Souske: what if I told you that you and Sarutobi are related by blood in some way...how would you see the situation then?

Akamari: it wouldn't matter....

Souske: even if you and Sarutobi share the same father...how would you feel about him then?

Akamari: your lying...that's not true!

Souske hands her a picture of her mother and Kawaki in the hospital room holding thier child

Akamari(crying): no....this can be any other kid!...or....or.....

Souske: this is a picture a day before she died...your grandmother took this picture hours after giving birth

He hands her a small photo book, she flips through it,when she gets to the last picture it's her mother and Kawaki showing a tiny Akamari

Souske: now you know the truth....

Suddenly out of nowhere Souske gets sucker punched as he gets thrown and breaks the door

Souske(scared and coughs up blood): Akamari.....I'm......sorry.....I........didn't....want...to....upset....you....

Akamari(angry while activated byakugan): you and him both....are shitty excuses for parents....him for being a coward....but you....you are the shittiest.....for not coming to see me....now I know why

Souske(catching his breath): no Akamari....that's not true...you still are my daughter.....

Suddenly her gift starts to show red instead of gold causing things to turn to ash

Souske(pleading): Akamari.....please honey...let's calm down...

Akamari(laughing): sorry dad....but I no longer am calm....(screaming) I see red!

Suddenly the whole room is ash as she disappears, Sauske saves his son by teleporting him to the living room

Sauske: what the hell was that Souske...

Naruto(interrupting): it's begun hasn't it...Kayuga's gift is evolving inside Akamari

Souske: it's not the first time this happened....

Sakura: how long ago...how old was she?

Souske: it was was around the time Samari was little...Akamari was seven and they were playing....Akamari got tired of playing but Samari pestered her....and that's when I noticed the gift turning red causing a knife to fly directly across the room almost Stabbing Samari....ever since then I've been so terrified of a tragedy happening that I isolated myself from her and kept her occupied at all times...making sure she had no room for anger...but my biggest mistake was separating Samari from Akamari by sending her abroad just so she was not hurt by her own sister

Sauske: well we better find her....if not there's a chance she's not in this realm....we are gonna need Boruto and her father....

Sakura: but she might attack him....like she did Souske...

Naruto: we must take that chance....its the only way to bring Akamari back here....ready Sauske

Sauske: when ever you are....idiot

---‐--------------------------

Akamari reappears but in a meadow, with a big tree in the middle, it's night as she looks around and sees tall grass with every wildflower in it. Fireflies in every direction lighting up the night like tiny stars

Akamari: where am I.....how did I get here...I really need to control my anger....(smacks her head) damn it why am I so temper mental....why the hell am I this way

She looks around and notices a cabin....she goes inside and sees its dusty....she cleans it

Akamari: this place must of been abandoned....for awhile....well its looks better now since I cleaned it (cracks her nuckles) well its time to start a fire....its getting cold

She starts chopping wood....and gets a fire going, she notices the book shelf with several books, and picks one out to read....within minutes she falls asleep

----------------------------------

Back at the leaf village, the Uzumakis and Uchias including Kawaki and Sarutobi are trying to find Akamari

Sauske: there's no trace of her....anywhere

Sakura: maybe she's hiding somewhere we don't know about

Hinata: I just hope she's okay.....

Naruto: where can she be?

Boruto(running to his parents): it's been three hours...we have to call it a night...and start again in the morning

Kawaki(meeting up with Boruto): we can't she might be in trouble....who knows where she is

Sarutobi(running to meet up the Uzumakis): I looked as well...its like she disappeared leaving no trace I can't even sense her chakra signature anywhere

-----------------------------

Four days pass, Akamari wakes up from a deep sleep, she finds a way out from the meadow heading back to the leaf village

Akamari(entering the village): man I'm starving...I'll probably go to the Ramen noodle shop...and order thier special

Suddenly as she's walking...Akamari notices surprised stares coming from the villagers

Akamari(confused): that's weird...why do they look like I was reincarnated or something

She goes to the ramen shop....as she enters inside....everyone is shocked and silent, she shrugs it off and orders her food, the waiter nervously hands it to her

Akamari(smiles): thank you

Waiter(nervosly): your welcome

Phara(sitting next to Akamari): you girl have a powerful gift dont you....its must be amazing to be the last Otsutsuki in your bloodline

Akamari(confused): I'm sorry...who are you?

Phara: my name is not important....but I must tell you something....on the twenty first year of your birthday you will give your life for the sake of humanity as the last Otsutsuki

Akamari: the last Otsutsuki....give my life...

Phara: yes your life....because your gift is rare and powerful you will be a target for those like you....they will stop at nothing to gain it...heed my words and from here on out be careful who you surround yourself with...life is precious

Akamari: but I'm not an Otsutsuki....

Phara: your father is Kawaki Madra holder of the karma.....your mother is Himawari Uzumaki daughter of the jinchuriki who held the ninetail fox and the bayakugan princess

Akamari(shocked): how do you know that....

Phara: I've been watching you my dear....my duty as a birther was to look after you...I'm the last one of my kind who still alive and holds the gift of the forseer which let's me know about catastrophic events

Akamari: but you look so young....how old are you?

Phara: four hundred and fifty years...

Akamari(spits and chokes on her soup): what....you....are....four hundred and fifty....years.....old?

Phara: yes I've was around even before clans turned into cities like this one...I've been and seen how ugly wars can be between Otsutsuki and humanity....you are the last of your bloodline....you will fulfill your duty in order to stop another war from happening....you are destined to be a fallen hero

Akamari(sad): a fallen hero....me....but I don't even train....

Phara: in time you will....you will pick a sensei that most thought to be dead...but don't worry he'll find you...and you will know

Akamari: who...?

Phara: he'll be a man missing a limb....with spiky white hair....a legendary sage who trained your grandfather Naruto...but be cautious he's not who he use to be...he's mean and strict...but I believe you can soften his hard shell

Akamari: wait a minute...the woman chaser that always got my grandfather in trouble....Jiraiya

Phara(smiling): so you know of him...but don't worry....he has lost the habit eversince he realized that he was at the brink of death....he even lost his will to write those repulsive make out tactics...now he just writes poems that are famously known around here...he even changed his name which is now Jerico Myzuki...a famous poet

Akamari(shocked): wait...are you saying my favorite poet of all time...is Jiraiya....Narutos sensei...the so called pervy sage...are you sure it's the same person....

Phara: yes....(getting up to leave) well I have to go I believe you have somewhere to go at this moment....Jerico is having a book signing today and you will miss it if you don't hurry

Akamari: but his book signing isn't four days from now at eleven thirty specifically

Phara(pointing at the calendar): but it's the eighteenth today and it's ten thirty

Akamari(shocked): omg I've been gone four days!...(pays for her food) thank you lady I got to go...I'll see you around

She arrives at the book signing....there are crowds of women waiting for the largest book store in the village to open for the book signing

Akamari(disappointed): damn if I knew there would be crowds of women here I would of came an hour early

Mianari(walking up to Akamari): are you here to get a signature from Jerico Myzuki?

Akamari: yeah why

Mianari: no reason.....I need to see if this was the right book store....there are two more but they are on the other side of town....I just stopped by to give my husband his lunch

Akamari(surprised): wait....are you Jerico Myzuki's wife....

Mianari: oh I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself I'm Mianari Myzuki wife of.....

Akamari(mesmerized): you were the famous singer who managed the group Starfall....which is my favorite group of all time...but it still upsets me till this day they disbanded about four years ago

Mianari: well it was a good fifteen years with them....but the group just wanted to do thier own things....I believe the main singer is a father of two beautiful little girls...and the guitarist is a pharmaceutical tech the other three became solo artists

Akamari(pointing at the crowd): um...one question...how will you get through the crowd of fangirls wanting your husband....

Suddenly Akamari notices the group move to one side of the book store. A large man in a black suit and silver hair walks past the crowd of scared girls and walks up to Mianari

Mianari: Izuke....there you are is my husband inside?

Izuke: yes he is (showing Mianari the way) he is waiting to have lunch with you before the signing miss

Mianari: oh great I thought I came too late (to Akamari) well it was nice getting to know you...hope to meet you again

Akamari(smiling): yeah I hope so too...and by the way Jerico is lucky to have a wife like you

Mianari: thank you well I'm off bye

Akamari(waving): bye...Mrs Myzuki

[master-sass-blast]

Release.

Hmmmmm... this thing is solid projection. Whoops.

Summary: You're exhausted. No matter what you do, you can't get enough rest to save your soul. You try to keep up with everything, try to not let the fatigue hinder you

--And then it all comes crashing down.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader.

Rating: T for depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, and general angst-hurt/comfort vibes.

Set after “It’s Truly Magical,” but this one is special in that it doesn't directly impact the canon. It's sort of a special one-off.

Author’s Note: So, as some of you may have gathered from the tags and preamble, this fic is basically me venting my own frustration.

I've been dealing with some pretty wicked chronic fatigue for the better part of... coming up on a year now, actually. Wow. I didn't realize it'd been that long.

It's made life really hard for me, from everything to eating to doing chores to hanging out with friends to writing. We don't know what's causing it, and we're trying to take care of it through lifestyle changes and making sure I don't exert myself too much (we meaning me, my family, my fiance, and my doctor). There's been a few things that have helped, but by in large it's still been kicking my ass.

I know I was gone for a long time. Part of that was the fatigue making it impossible to write or post. To those of you who are still around, thank you -and I'm sorry. I'm trying my best, I promise.

If you're dealing with chronic fatigue or think you're dealing with chronic fatigue, just know that it's okay that you're tired. You're not lazy. You're not a failure. You're not going crazy. You're not a burden. Your body needs rest, you need rest, and you *deserve* to rest.

Here's a resource on chronic fatigue syndrome and what it looks like.

I hope you're all doing well. Stay safe and wear your mask.

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @super-darkcloudstudent, @dandyqueen, @leo-writer

It creeps over you. It starts as a wispy, soft cloud, hanging over the horizon of your existence.

And then it grows. Larger, more oppressive. Until you’re fully immersed in it, with no sense of direction or how to get out.

 ***

 You’re not really sure you remember when it started. You’ve always been tired to some extent –anxiety, nightmares, and running on the X-Men schedule will do that to a person.

Exhaustion hits like a brick one day after training. You slump against the tiled wall in one of the shower stalls in the locker room. Water streams down your sweaty face and body while you struggle to make your eyes focused. Shit. I must have pushed too hard.

You manage to get yourself cleaned up and trudge back to yours and Piotr’s home at the back of Xavier’s property. You collapse onto the couch in the living room. Your limbs are stone, too heavy to drag another step. Your body throbs in time with your heartbeat. I need a nap. Just for a couple hours.

You only want to sleep for a couple hours.

You only mean to sleep for a couple hours.

You wake up at nine in the evening, to Piotr gently nudging you.

He tuts, fussing over you like a worried mother hen. “Are you feeling well, myshka?” He presses the back of his hand against your forehead. “You have slept for long time.”

“I’m fine,” you mumble, mind still cloudy with exhaustion. You force yourself to sit up. You jaw cracks when you yawn. “Just overdid it in training today.”

Your husband gently chides you, ushering you into the kitchen so you can eat. “It is important to replenish energy.”

You go straight to bed after eating and sleep for another ten hours.

 ***

 Part of you wonders ‘how did I let this happen? How did I let it get this bad?’

The other part of you wonders if you had any say in it at all.

 ***

 The fatigue starts seeping into other areas of your life as well. Training, grading, hanging out with friends, eating…

You’re so tired. You chalk it up to mission stress, to going too hard during training, to running on weird hours all the time.

You start sleeping through the day to cope. No matter how well you sleep at night or how much sleep you get, you’re always so fucking tired.

Piotr notices the change in your sleeping habits. Because of course he does. It’s ingrained into his very DNA to be an observant, loving nurturer.

He brings it up during dinner one night. “Are you doing alright, myshka?”

“What? Yeah. Of course.” You’d woken up from a nap a couple hours before, and you feel good for once. (You’ll crash a couple hours later.) “Why? What’s wrong?”

“You have been sleeping at odd hours,” Piotr says, stirring his soup with his spoon. “I just want to make sure you are not having mental troubles.”

“I’m fine, baby.” And, on that front, you are. You’ve got your meds, your support system, a home, creative outlets, and a fulfilling –if occasionally dangerous—job. “I’ve just been tired lately, is all. I think it’s the weird mission hours just putting my body clock out of whack.”

“You should try to stay on normal schedule, then,” Piotr points out. He frowns, concerned. “Is not good for mental health to keep odd hours.”

You bristle. You are trying, dammit. You push through training and grading and your obligations every single damn day, even if all you can do is collapse in bed afterwards. Who the hell is he to say that you’re not trying?! “I am, Piotr. You don’t have to micromanage me. I’m not one of your teens.”

Piotr recoils, blue eyes widening. He holds up his hands. “Easy, dorogoy. I am not trying to micromanage. I just want you to be healthy.”

You drop your gaze down to your bowl of soup. Your heart races in your throat. “Sorry.”

***

 It’s like being one of those houses infested with termites. You’re being consumed from the inside out. On the outside, you look fine. On the inside, you’re crumbling away like a sad, dry cookie left in the bottom of the cookie jar for five long, lonely months.

You’ve always been weird. You oscillate between outgoing and reclusive like nobody’s business. You’re a lot like Wade –somewhere between amusing and a nuisance to most of the adults, though most of the teens and kids like you.

(Piotr insists that it’s not true, that everyone likes you well enough, but you’ve never quite had the full faith to believe him.)

No one notices that you’re hurting. No one notices that something’s wrong. No one notices, no one notices, no one fucking notices—

But, to be fair, you hardly notice it yourself.

 ***

 You kind of start to lose your mind, if you’re being honest.

It’s hard enough to keep up with your workload with the mission scheduling –but being tired all the time slams the nail in the coffin. You manage to drag yourself to training on time because it’s mandatory, because it’s important, because it’s for the good of your team, and—

And everything else falls apart.

You spend countless late night hours on the couch cramming through your grading, because you needed to sleep earlier, and the deadline’s only looming closer, and you have to be productive, dammit—

More than once, you drag yourself up to bed when Piotr’s just getting up for the day.

He frowns, forehead creasing. “Myshka—”

“I had grading to do,” you mutter as you crawl back into bed.

He finishes buttoning up his shirt, then sits down next to you. The bedframe groans under his bulk. “This is not healthy, moya lyubov’.”

“I’m fucking working on it, Piotr!” you snap, glaring at your husband. “Just –leave me alone!”

He swallows hard, blue eyes shining with hurt. He looks like a kicked puppy.

You huff and slam your face into your pillow, mostly to hide the fact that you’re crying.

Piotr smooths your hair down, then kisses the back of your head. “Ya tebya lyublyu, myshka.”

You bite down on your pillow and cry harder.

 ***

 It’s more than just being tired.

It’s guilt. It’s enough guilt to fill an ocean. No amount of effort you make is good enough; no matter how hard you try you wind up failing. Or snapping at someone you love. Or being unable to do even the simplest shit.

There’s so much anger, too. At the world, at anyone who points out that you’re not doing well, at yourself. There’s a scream constantly behind your lips, trying to crack its way out of your chest.

You’re failing. You’re trying to scoop up handfuls of sand to keep an entire dune from consuming you, and the grains keep running through your fingers; it practically looks like you haven’t done anything at all, and you’re so fucking tired…

 ***

 The ‘house’ collapses over a load of dishes.

One load of fucking dishes.

It’s ridiculous.

You manage to drag yourself out of bed one morning, trying to get the haze that seems to be a permanent fixture in your mind to clear. You trudge downstairs, energy sapping out of you with every step you take.

You see last night’s dishes in the sink, waiting to be rinsed and loaded into the dishwasher.

It’s an easy task. The dishes aren’t all that dirty, and there aren’t that many of them.

And you can’t do it. You don’t have the energy. You’re just too fucking tired.

You failed.

You crumple to the floor, weeping against the wooden floorboards as the dam you’d been trying so hard to keep stable gives way. You scream, anger and guilt and frustration and self-loathing washing over you, crushing you beneath their weight. You clutch at your hair, seething as the past few months finally come to a head—

And then Piotr’s arms are around you. (Later, you’ll learn that he stopped back at the house to pick up a gradebook, which is why he was even around during the day in the first place.) He scoops you up, cradling you against his chest. “Myshka, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

You sob into his shirt, beyond words.

“Okay, okay.” He checks you over to make sure you’re not visibly injured, then carries you upstairs to bed.

You whimper when he tries to tuck you in. “No –I’ve got stuff to do—”

“It can wait,” he says, loving but firm. He gently tugs the comforter over you, then toes his shoes off before laying down next to you.

“It can’t,” you cry, even as he tugs you into his arms and tucks you against his chest. “It’s already waited for so long.”

“And it can wait longer.” He kisses your forehead. “It is okay, myshka. Rest.”

You snuffle and sob and gasp—

And, eventually, you fall asleep.

 ***

 You wake up to Piotr stroking your hair. You inhale sharply, blinking to cast the bleariness out of your vision. “What time is it?”

“About noon,” he says.

Your heart sinks. “Shit. I’ve got grading—”

He places his arm over your waist, holding you in place. “It can wait.”

“But—”

“You had breakdown this morning, myshka. Health comes first.” He gazes into your eyes, brow furrowing. “Talk to me, moya lyubov. Please. What is wrong?”

Your heart rips into infinitesimal pieces at seeing him so worried –and then you start crying again. “I can’t…” You squeeze your eyes shut and buy your face against his chest. “I can’t. I can’t do it. No matter how much sleep I get, or I don’t get, or how much I exercise or don’t exercise, or what I eat or –any of it. I’m so tired, Piotr.” You let out a choked sob. “I’m just so tired, and I keep failing—”

Piotr rubs your back and kisses the top of your head. “It’s okay, myshka. It’s okay.”

***

 Eventually, you settle again. You’re snuggled against Piotr’s chest, sniffling and sighing while he strokes your hair.

It’s not a bad place to bed.

“How long?” he asks, voice quiet and gentle. “How long have you felt tired?”

“I don’t know,” you mutter, lulled to a state of near drowsiness by his ministrations. “A few months? Maybe a little longer? I’ve always been kind of tired, what with anxiety and nightmares and all that shit.”

He ‘hmms,’ kissing the top of your head. “Have you eaten yet?”

“…does leftover pizza at three in the morning count?”

He sighs, exasperated and amused. “Okay, time for food.”

“I can’t,” you whimper, tears coming back as frustration swells in your chest. “I’m too tired to eat.”

Piotr shushes you, gently drying your cheeks with a tissue. “What if I bring you something?”

You stomach churns with guilt and self-loathing. “I’m not a baby. I don’t… I shouldn’t need people to make food for me.”

“No, not baby,” Piotr agrees, kissing your cheek. “But you are unwell.”

“I’m not sick!”

“Unwell is unwell,” Piotr states, voice brokering no room for debate (though it never loses that gentle intonation of his). “If I bring you food, will you eat?”

You hesitate, then manage a small nod. “Something small, please. I don’t want, like, a whole meal.”

Piotr nods. He heads downstairs, then returns a few minutes later with some toast, fruit, a glass of milk –and some Cheetos.

You giggle when you see the fluorescent orange cheese-snacks on your plate. “You do love me.”

“Navsegda.” He hands the plate to you, sets the glass on your nightstand, then waits for you to start in on your toast before speaking again. “I think you should see Dr. Mccoy about fatigue.”

“But I’m not sick,” you argue after swallowing a bite of toast.

“That you know of,” he corrects. “Lots of things can cause fatigue. Is best to check, to make sure more serious problem is not happening.”

“But…” A lump rises in your throat. “What if this is just me now? What if… what if I’m just broken?”

Piotr takes your hand in his. He presses his lips against your knuckles. “Then we know, and we make life suited to your brokenness.”

“I can’t slow everyone down, Piotr,” you insist. Your eyes burn with unshed tears. “I can’t –I can’t be a burden. It’s not fair to everyone else if I’m getting some sort of special treatment because I’m tired.”

“You are not burden,” Piotr declares, gaze boring into yours. “You are never burden. Understand?”

“Piotr—”

“Things happen, myshka. Sometimes, our bodies just… do not work right anymore. You still deserve comfortable, happy life. Nothing is unfair about that. Nothing.” He kisses the back of your hand again when you sigh, then pats your leg. “Finish eating. We go to doctor afterwards.”

 ***

 The only way out is through.

Who would’ve guessed.

 ***

 Dr. McCoy runs a series of comprehensive tests. Thyroid, allergy, iron deficiencies, vitamin deficiencies, glucose levels—

It comes back negative. All of it.

On one hand, it’s a good thing, given that you don’t have some sort of life-threatening condition that needs treating.

On the other hand, you just feel worse. It’s like proof that you have no excuse, that you’re tired for no reason, and that you just need to try harder.

“You are trying,” Piotr says when you admit as much. He draws you into a hug and kisses the top of your head. “We just need to find tools so that trying isn’t so hard.”

“What if there’s nothing?” you ask in a horrified whisper. “What if we try everything and nothing works?”

He kisses the top of your head again. “Then that is okay, too. However you are is okay, myshka.”

 ***

 “How’s the tai chi going?”

You shrug. “It’s fine.” Nathan had switched you over to low impact exercise the second he got wind of your fatigue issues. “Wade likes to do it with me; we like to try and incorporate lame dance moves into our sets to see if Nathan’ll catch us doing it.”

Alyssa chuckles and shakes her head. “And does he?”

“He definitely did when Wade started doing the worm.”

The two of you laugh together.

“And how’s your task setting going?” Alyssa asks when you both settle back down. She grins when you scowl. “Ooh, I knew that’d be your reaction. I knew you were not going to like it one bit. You keep trying to eat the whole whale, sweetheart. You’re gonna choke!”

“I know, I know.” You sigh, frustrated and dejected in equal measure. “It’s just… hard. I used to be able to do so much more. And now –it’s like my body was stolen away from me.”

“I know, sweetheart. And I’m so sorry. But it’s important that you learn to readjust your scope for what’s reasonable and what’s not. Otherwise, you’re gonna keep spinning yourself in anxious circles –and you’re gonna keep making the fatigue worse by overworking yourself.”

You groan and rub at your face with your hands. “It just… it feels wrong! Like I’m being lazy! I don’t have a reason to be so tired.”

“Sure you do,” Alyssa says, as if it’s that simple. “Your body is healing. You spent a lifetime being traumatized and abused. Your body put itself on hold to help keep you alive. You’ve dealt with your anxiety, depression, and trauma to the point where you’re stable, so now all those years of stress and pain are finally catching up. This is your body’s way of saying ‘hey, it’s my turn!’ So, now you need to listen to it.”

“But what if I don’t get better?” you ask, voice fraying. “What if I’m like this forever?”

She shrugs, tucking her braids over her shoulder. “That could happen; the amount of trauma you went through would be more than enough to result in a permanent presentation of chronic fatigue syndrome. But it could also get better, too. There’s no point in trying to predict the outcome.”

“But if I don’t get better, I’ll have to step down from being an X-Man.”

“There is more to this life than being an X-Man, honey,” Alyssa says, smiling warmly at you. “You have an entire world to discover. You just might have to do it at a different pace than everyone else. Your goal isn’t to get back to being an X-Man. Your goal is to take care of yourself.”

You tuck your knees under your chin and wrap your arms around your legs. “That doesn’t feel like enough.”

“How come?”

“Because it’s me. I have to do more to make up for the fact that it’s me.”

Alyssa points her pen at you. “That’s the anxiety and depression talking. You are more than enough, just as you are. Your worth is not based on your productivity or what you can offer to society. It’s based on your existence as a human being, that’s all.”

You drop her gaze, opting to look down at the ornate, ocean blue rug she keeps in her office instead.

“I want you to keep working on adjusting your goal setting,” Alyssa says as she jots down a few notes in your file. “Three things a day, whether it’s chore, work, or self-care related. Nothing else goes on that list unless you need to remember to do it, like taking your meds. Okay?”

You mutter your assent.

“Attagirl. I also want you to do your positive affirmations. Three times a day, plus whenever you get caught in negative thought patterns.”

You groan and slump down on the couch. “No! Positive affirmations suck!”

“They’re wonderful,” Alyssa fires back, chuckling. “They’re so good for you, so good for your brain…” She laughs when you retch, then closes your file and stands. “Alright, sweetheart. Keep at it. I’ll see you next week.”

Piotr looks up when you walk out of Alyssa’s office. “All done?”

“She’s making me do more positive affirmations,” you grumble (you can hear Alyssa laugh at your admission).

“Ah, is good for you,” Piotr says as he ushers you down the hall. “Good to say truth out loud.”

You retch again. “Not you, too. I need to go find Wade. He’ll understand.”

Your husband chuckles and shakes his head. “Come on, myshka. Back home with you.”

“Why does it have to be so far?” you groan. “It’s so much walking.”

“Are you feeling tired?”

You sigh. “Honestly, yeah. I’m really wiped out.”

Piotr puts an arm around your shoulder in a one-armed hug. “I am sorry, moya lyubov’. Would you like me to carry you?”

“I shouldn’t need carrying.”

Piotr stops. He cups your face in his massive hands, making you look up at him. “Is not about ‘should’ or ‘should not.’ If your body needs help, then you need help.”

You hesitate, but ultimately nod. “Yeah. I’d be nice if you carried me.”

He nods. He waits until you two are outside, then kneels so you can clamber on his back. “Hop on, myshka.”

You loop your arms around his neck. You wait until he has his arms looped around your legs, then point in the direction of your house. “Home, Jeeves.”

Piotr chuckles. “I am transport service, now?”

“Damn right.” You gently slap his burly chest. “Mush. I want Poptarts.”

Piotr laughs again, then sets off across the lawn.

 ***

 You’re not alright. Not technically. Alyssa’s right that you’ve been hurt. Healing takes time, and you’re just beginning your journey.

But you’ve got Piotr. Your family. Your friends. You’ve got Dr. McCoy and Alyssa as professional support. You have a home to rest in when you’re weary.

You’re okay –and on the days that you’re not, you will be.

And that’s more than enough.

[shihozaki]

Hey so I saw that your matchup requests were open and I wanted to request one for mha :)

About me: My name is Fairy (it's a kind of weird birth name but I've learned to ✨ c o - e x i s t ✨ with it) and im 16 years old! Im non-binary and I use she/they pronouns! My mbti personality is ENFP-T and my Hogwarts house is Gryffindor :). Im also an ambivert. Im an Aries sun, Aquarius moon and Leo rising! For the description of my style umm it's kind of a weird mix between a soft girl and a grunge style?? umm it's a bit confusing but I like to mix up things bc I think it's a bit fun? LMAO. For physical appearance umm im abt 5'7 or 5'8, and im a bit curvy, tho I'm usually insecure abt it and im scared of like just sitting on someone's laps and squishing them idk- I have brown hair and eyes, and I use glasses bc im fucking blind LMAO. For personality, I would say that when people first meet me they get the impression that im either A. Rude and mean or B. Im a sweet and nice angel who wouldn't hurt a fly. Tho when people actually get to meet me they realize that im really nice and cheerful. I'm also really chaotic (Oops- my bad). But sometimes I scare ppl away with my sarcasm or crude/dark humor. People also tend to not really like me bc im kind of good at reading people and their personalities which might come off as creepy (I mean it's not as if I liked knowing what type of personality they have just by meeting them for 2 days. People just tend to think that bc im able to read people's emotions and actions really well, they think I'll use it for my advantage by manipulating them??? Ummm?? I literally don't approve of doing things like that but ok?). Some of my hobbies are reading, writing poetry, listening to music, watching anime, doing arts-and-crafts, playing videogames, rollerskating, burning my homework, scaring children, having existential crises, drinking orange juice while singing to the titanic flute song and talking to the demon under my at 3 AM. (Umm ik its gonna sound kinda dumb but I also really like learning new languages, I speak Spanish, English, Portuguese, Russian and German. Rn I'm trying to learn how to speak french. And umm sometimes I have the habit of like saying words from another language while talking to someone. Like if I'm talking to someone in Spanish I will all of a sudden start speaking German. It's kind of an annoying thing for some, but it's a habit I've had since I was like 5 years old-)

MHA universe: I think that I would have a quirk where I can have the ability to manipulate matter or like a quirk where you can manipulate time?? Idk if it's possible for me to request having more than 2 quirks i umm-

What I look for in a s/o: Im Bisexual with a slight preference for guys- ummm idk what I would look for an s/o, but I think I would like someone who is straightforward, (basically kind of blunt) chill and laid-back while at the same time being nice and sarcastic?? Idk but basically someone who is able to balance out my dumbass chaotic energy with a calm and chill energy. (Also maybe a s/o who is smart. I usually have debates with people I like and I just- omg ok in my opinion smart people are hot-)

ANYHOW, I hope this isn't to much trouble for you! Feel free to ignore! Anyways thanks and have a nice day!

Thank you so much for waiting so patiently, I apologize for the wait! I had a hard time finding the perfect match for you, so I hope you like it!

I pair you up with Tsuyu Asui!

- Your quirk is matter manipulation! You can manipulate any matter based on time- kind of like Eri’s quirk. For example, if there was an apple, you can turn it to the past which would turn the Apple into a seed. If you turned it to the future, it would become a tree. You can control the amount of “time” you turn the matter into, and you can always bring it back into the original shape. Quick judgment is key to this quirk.

- You met Tsuyu in U.A! You were so excited to be in 1-A with other potential heroes, and it turns out you were sitting beside a very cute girl who resembled a frog

- You guys quickly became friends, hanging out often after school and decorating each other’s dorms together

- She is very smart, and helps you with your work. She placed 6th place in mid terms and she’s always willing to give you a helping hand!

- Tsuyu’s “no bs” personality helps tone down your dramatic and impulsive personality, while your passionate soul lights a spark in Tsuyu’s life.

- She is often very blunt and complimented you a lot, making you confused whether she sees you as a friend or as something more than that. So one day you just asked her out and she quickly (too quickly) agreed, and you guys became girlfriends after that!

- She can be sometimes a bit insecure, so you’re her personal cheerleader! She loved and appreciates you so much, and she tells you on a daily basis like it’s nothing

- You guys can literally talk to each other 24/7, and would never run out of things to talk about. The two different personality will often come up with new ideas every day

- She’s usually not very shy and is not the one to get embarrassed easily, but a simple hug or a kiss would be enough for her to be flustered. She immediately flushes red and smiles.

- She’s sometimes not very good with words, so instead she’ll show you love by physical touch- especially when she’s cold. Snuggling up to you is one of her favourite things to do during winter!

- Overall, you guys are such a cute couple, bringing inspiration and a force of energy to the people around you :)

Scenario: First time meeting!

‘That sleeping bag is our teacher?’ You thought as the yellow sleeping bag at the front of the class started his teaching. ‘This is going to be an interesting year…’ You chuckled to yourself. You took a look around the classroom. 1-A. You were finally on the path of becoming a hero. Majority of the kids in the class seemed nice (minus the spikey blonde boy) and calm. As you were exploring the room with your eyes, it met with another. She had long green hair and an interesting mouth- she was adorable. She stared back with an amused expression, occasionally blinking. ‘She’s really cute.’ You thought. ‘No, I have to pay attention in class. My bi-ness cannot be tingling right now.’ You turned your attention back to the board, wondering when the sleeping bag was going to stop talking. The teacher instructed the students to change into their training uniform and meet him at the field. As the students began to walk into the change rooms, you quickly caught up to the peculiar girl. “Hey! You can call me Fairy! Nice to meet you.” You introduced yourself. The girl smiled, extending her hand. “I’m Tsuyu Asui. You can call me Tsu.” She replied. “I like your glasses.” Your heart started beating faster at the compliment and you shook her hand. “Thanks! I have them because I’m blind.” You said, attempting to make a joke. She gave a small giggle, one enough to make your heart melt. ‘Yes, this is going to be an interesting year...’ You thought to yourself as you followed your new friend Tsu into the change room. ‘Who knows? I might finally get a girlfriend.’

Song: Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen!

I hope you enjoyed it! I enjoyed writing it, and I really liked your name too! Please do not hesitate to tell me what you thought about the work, and I hope to see you again soon :)

[a-n-conrad]

Petals and Feathers (Hawks x Reader)

[Summary: You’ve finally gotten a job as a sidekick after graduating from UA about a year before. But after working with Hawks for a few months it starts to get a bit hard to breathe. How are you supposed to fix a case of Hanahaki disease when you happened to fall in love with the most emotionally unavailable hero alive?

TW: HANAHAKI, coughing, blood, surgery mention, swearing, angst (with a happy ending)]

You were really proud to get yourself an internship without having to go to university. With your parents spending the last of their money to move you to Japan when you were just starting out highschool so you could go to UA, there was no way for you to really afford university, so most of the hero agencies weren’t really jumping at the chance to take you on. You had managed to convince Hawks, the number two hero after All Might’s recent retirement, that your quirk made you worth taking on. 

Well, that and it seemed like he liked having you around. Your ability to jump through space, letting you basically teleport a few feet ahead of you, made it so that you could actually keep up with him in a fight, and somehow you managed to read him better than just about anyone else. Maybe it was the fact that you absolutely admired him.

He always made a point to seem fun, laidback, and carefree, but you recognized pretty quickly that wasn’t really the case. At least, not completely. People usually thought that his lack of regard for formalities and teasing manner was because he didn’t care, but it was really just that he thought it was stupid. Treating heroes like they were above everyone always seemed weird to him. The heroes were there to work for the people, so putting them above pubic opinion never really made sense. At least, that’s what he told you during one of your late-night talks.

It was during one of those chats that you realized something was wrong for the first time. You were on a patrol with him one night, he was ranting about Endeavor and how important it was that Endeavor steps into All Might’s top hero spot well when you noticed that it was a lot harder to breathe than it normally was. Not impossible. Not bad enough that you’d tell anyone. But it was there. 

You had a bad habit of never really telling anyone when you were feeling sick. Especially people you cared about. You didn’t what to worry them, and whatever it was usually went away on its own. You’d just take some cold medicine and get some extra sleep when you got home. You’d probably be better by tomorrow, so it wasn’t anything worth worrying your boss about. Your boss and your friend. At least, you considered him to be a friend. He had a habit of worrying about the people that work with him, and you hated to stress him out.

Over the few months that you had worked for the blonde-haired hero, you had gotten to know him pretty well. You knew where his favorite place to get chicken after long shifts. You knew that he never when to a heroing highschool. You knew that when he grew up, Endeavor was his favorite hero. You knew that sometimes he forgot his real name, so he asked you to say it when no one else was around. You knew that sometimes, in the middle of the night when everything was quiet, he’d actually let his guard down. You knew that when he let his guard down, his eyes held a kind of sadness that you hadn’t seen from many people before him. You knew that when he looked that sad, all you wanted to do was hold him.

You knew that you hated to see him worry. And you didn’t like to take sick days. Because you wanted to see him.

- - - - -

The next day it was harder to breathe. You continued to ignore it. It was fine. You’d be fine. As long as you didn’t pass out, you’d be fine. Of course, it didn’t help that you had been coughing the whole morning, and you felt like there was something stuck in your throat. But with a bit of cough syrup, you hoped that you’d manage for the day. Your brain was a little hazy, but it was alright. 

That day you had some training to do with Hawks’ new intern. He had taken on a kid from UA named Tokoyami because he appreciated the bird aesthetic that was going on. At least that’s what he said. You had a feeling that it was really more because he appreciated the quirk. Hawks wouldn’t take on anyone that he didn’t think could protect themself. Especially not a kid. He worried too much to have a kid around that couldn’t handle the job.

“Ms. (Y/n)?” Tokoyami asked. You had no idea when he had walked into the training room. You could’ve sworn you were in there alone waiting for him, “Are you ok? You were kind of spacing out there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” You were cut off by a cough, which only made Tokoyami look a bit more concerned, “We’re just sparing today, right? Let’s get to it.”

He hesitated a little before nodding and heading over to the training mat. He was a sweet kid, and you could tell he was worried, which is why you had to rough him up a little bit. He couldn’t worry if he had to actually fight you. Besides, you had to prove that you were alright, or you were sure he’d report you to Hawks. And you really didn’t want to worry him.

You made the first move. Usually, you let Tokoyami make the first move, so he was starting to get into a routine. You threw a punch towards his face, careful to avoid the beak. You’d hit it before and almost broke your hand. Hawks fussed over you for a week after that. 

Dark Shadow blocked and threw you back pretty easily. Sparring with Tokoyami was like sparring with two people, and it gave him a bit of an advantage. While you were being thrown back, Tokoyami moved to sweep your legs out from under you. You react quickly by jumping behind him and kicking out towards his legs. Normally you’d make contact, but apparently, you weren’t moving fast enough. Maybe you were moving a little slow today. Either way, Dark Shadow blocks you pretty easily.

Before you can even think to counter, you notice Hawks walk into the room. The signature grin on his face. His hair a little tousled from his flight over still. The feathers of his wings the same bright red as usual, but still just as eye-catching. God, he was unfairly attractive.

You felt a kick to your chest, knocking you down. You froze, and that was on you. You should have paid better attention. What none of you expected, though, when you hit the floor was for you to break out in a coughing fit worse than any that you had the entire morning. 

You sat there for a few minutes, coughing and sputtering, trying to catch your breath. You had tears rolling down your cheeks. Hawks and Tokoyami both ran over to check on you, while you tried to wave them away, hoping you could stop coughing long enough to tell them that you were alright. 

It felt like hours before you felt something that was in your throat dislodge itself and fly out of your mouth, though it was probably only a few minutes. You cough it up into your hand, finally getting a chance to catch your breath.

“God damn, (Y/n), are you ok?” Hawks asked, his forehead crunching up a little, “Do I need to fly you to the hospital? That sounded serious.”

“No, I think I just had something caught in my throat,” You rasp, you throat incredibly sore. You hold up the hand that you had coughed into, finally opening it up to see what you had coughed up.

“Is that… a flower?” Tokoyami asked, in response to seeing the petals strewn across the palm of your hand, purple petals lightly coated in crimson blood, “Did you eat a flower?”

“I… No, I did not,” You reply, completely in shock. You couldn’t feel the sore throat anymore, but you still couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t you breathe? “What the hell?”

- - - - -

Hawks had insisted on flying you over to the hospital right that moment. You were sure that he just felt responsible for your care, being your boss and all, but you could’ve sworn for a moment you saw fear in his eyes. At least the doctors had insisted that he stay in the waiting room while they question and examined you. Otherwise, the conversation following your diagnosis would’ve been much more uncomfortable.

“Hanahaki disease,” The doctor says, as serious as they ever were when talking to heroes, but this time it held a bit more concern, “It’s pretty uncommon, but it’s easy to recognize. You’re currently growing flowers in your lungs, and without intervention, they’ll end up suffocating you to death. Luckily, you came in relatively early, so it should be pretty easy to do the surgery.”

“Surgery?”

“We remove the flowers from your lung. With the number of flowers you have, it should be relatively easy and low risk, there’s just one side effect that we’d have to inform you on.”

Through another coughing fit, you ask, “Which is?”

“Well,” He seemed a bit nervous to explain it, “It would remove your ability to love. Not necessarily just romantically, but it’s usually just that. Hanahaki is caused by falling in love with someone you could never be with. Or at least you’ve convinced yourself of that enough to cause this. Removing the flowers will remove any feelings related to this person. Are they a friend of yours?”

“Um, yes.”

He winced a little, “So you’d probably lose the ability to love friends as well. But that’s better than dying, right?”

No. No, it wasn’t. Because you’d lose so much more than that. You admired him as a hero. You cared for him as a person. You emphasized with his past. You loved him as a friend. No, you loved him. You loved Hawks. You loved Keigo and you refused to admit it to yourself until it was too late and you were faced with an ultimatum. Either live and give up everything that made you feel. Or die loving him. 

Giving up those feelings wouldn’t just mean giving up Hawks, either. You’d lose the care you had for Tokoyami. The admiration you had for all of the teachers over at UA. You’d never have another friend or lover in your life. With your family still in America, you’d be alone. You couldn’t be alone again. No Hawks. No Tokoyami. No other hero friends. No love at all. Was that even a life worth living?

“Is there another way? Anything else?”

“Well, unless you can get that person to fall in love with you,” The doctor sighed, “No. The most we can do besides that is checking you in and trying to help you as much as we can with, well, being somewhat comfortable.”

“Fine. I’d like to check-in.”

- - - - -

They set you up in a hospital room pretty soon after that. You had to let them tell Hawks what was going on pretty soon. Partially because he wasn’t going to leave for a second until you did, and partially because he was your boss and it was important that your work at least somewhat understand what was happening.

He and Tokoyami visited you as much as they could. For Tokoyami that was basically even day that he was working with Hawks and for Hawks, it was every day. You hated that every day he came in he looked even more worried. You hated that after about a month or two you started to notice bags under his eyes. And a little while after you started to notice that he always looked as though he was just crying before he walked into your room.

You saw that sad look a lot more often too. It was a little different though. You were starting to place it though. Like grief but more. Either way, he refused to make eye contact with you more and more often and slept in the chair in your room more often than you would ever admit. Somehow, despite the fact that you were actively dying, it hurt you so much more to watch him fall apart.

“Why won’t you just get the surgery, (Y/n)?” Hawks asked one morning, after waking up in the chair in your room for the third night that week. His voice was deep and raspy and if you didn’t have flowers growing in your lungs you’d probably find it pretty hot.

“It’s complicated, Keigo,” You whispered. You couldn’t really talk at full volume anymore without triggering a coughing fit.

“Bullshit!” He shouted. You hadn’t heard him shout like that before, “What idiot could be this worth dying for? Is there seriously nothing else you could possibly do? I can’t just sit here and watch you die!”

“Than fucking leave!”

 You saw him freeze as you started coughing up more flowers. The anger drained out of Hawks’ face and was slowly replaced with fear, “Do you mean that?”

“Of course not,” you croaked weakly as you finally stopped coughing, “There’s really nothing else I can do unless I can get them to fall in love with me, too.”

“Who are they?” He asked.

You knew what his plan was. He wanted to save you. He hated that he couldn’t save everyone, “No, Hawks. I’m not going to tell you who it is just so you can drag them back here. You can’t really force someone to love me.”

He sighed, pulling the chair over to the side of the bed, “I know. But, like, what if they already love you and you’ve just convinced yourself that they don’t?”

“What?”

“The doc said that was something that could happen, right? Have they ever actually said they don’t love you? Have you ever told them?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why are you so sure?” You couldn’t tell him, right? He was right there. He had been for the entire time. You had a feeling he was spending more time in that chair than in his actual house. But was it really fair to keep it from him?

“It’s you, Keigo,” it was so quiet that you kind of hoped that he didn’t hear it.

It was so quiet for a few moments. You braced yourself for rejection until you heard him laughing. You wanted to be mad, you were so confused. Was he mocking you? Why was he laughing? But before you could actually get mad you looked at him.

You forgot how much you missed that smile on his face. His eyes were still sunken, he still looked so tired. But he was smiling. For the first time since you checked in, he genuinely looked… happy.

“God, you’re such an idiot,” He laughed, “You really just gave yourself a deadly disease for nothing.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been in love with you for months,” He chuckled, “Even Tokoyami knew. He seriously wouldn’t stop teasing me about it until you checked in here.”

You didn’t even have time to be happy, since the second you actually processed what he said you started coughing, worse than you had before. In a few seconds, you had tears and snot running down your face and blood running down the corner of your mouth. 

“Shit are you ok?” Hawks asked, the feathers of his wings puffing up, “What’s going on?”

You couldn’t respond. The only way you could breathe was gasping between coughs, so talking was out of the question. It took a  second, but soon enough Hawks ran out of the room to go get help. 

Within a few seconds, a pair of nurses and a doctor ran into the room. Hawks attempted to follow behind, only for a nurse to hold him back, closing the door on him. He looked so afraid.

- - - - -

It took you almost an hour to cough up all of the roots and stems. They had to force your body to take breaks so you could breathe. Eventually, though, you could breathe again. The doctor handed you the tissues, and let you clean off your face. It took you way too many tissues to get completely cleaned off. 

After an in-depth examination, including scans of your lungs and throat, they finally told you what was going on. You had cured yourself. You finally learned that you had hope when it came to Hawks, and pretty quickly, your body decided to get rid of all of the flowers in your lungs. In the most inconvenient way possible. But, hey, who were you to tell your body how to do its job.

Either way, they were willing to let you check out, as long as you’d take it easy and go to regular checkups every week or so in order for them to make sure that your lungs were healing safely. 

After a long day of signing things, paperwork, and making new appointments, they finally let you leave. You still couldn’t talk very well and your throat and lungs were so sore, but you could finally breathe. 

Hawks met you at the door of the hospital. 

“You know you don’t have to fly me home,” You muttered, coughing a little at the end of your sentence.

“If you think I’m leaving you alone any more than I have to after this, you’re more of an idiot than I thought,” He laughed, picking you and starting to fly towards your apartment.

(A/N: I’ve never written Hanahaki before, but this is my post-breakup feel, so I’m just kind of venting. Sorry if it’s not very good. Also, I can’t bring myself to write a sad ending.)

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

25 more things I learned during a global pandemic from your Local Teenage Train wreck :) (Pt. 2)

1. Gaining weight is okay. Losing weight is okay. Bodies fluctuate and are inconsistent. Just make sure that you’re trying your best to be healthy, whatever that means for you. 

2. School is hard, especially during a global. freaking. pandemic. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s harder to get up in the morning or your grades aren’t as high as they usually are. It’s hard right now. 

3. You’re mental health comes above all. School, responsibilities, and personal projects are not worth your time if it’s affecting your mental health. If your gut is telling you to take a break, take a break!

4. If you feel lonely, get a plant to keep in your room. Do some research as to that plants do best with the type of lighting in your room, and figure out some basic care instructions. Have someone to take care of besides yourself. Name your plants, and take care of them. 

5. Even if you’re not good at writing, I suggest you keep a journal during this time. It kept me sane over the summer, and even though I eventually stopped because of limited time with school starting back up, it helped to keep me sane in the worst of the pandemic. 

6. If you’re spiritual (or even if you’re not) learn how to do shadow work. This isn’t anything that has to be spiritual or done in just one religion. It’s basically giving yourself a chance and a space to be open and honest with yourself and to learn what you might need to work on through writing. If you google it, you can find a more in depth explanation, and prompts to start doing it. You basically give yourself a prompt. They can be questions like “What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone else or yourself?” or they can be a little less heavy like “What are five non physical things that you genuinely like about yourself?”. This can be pretty heavy, and can dig up some unwanted emotions, but that’s the whole point; to deal with the emotions you may have been repressing and letting fester inside of you. 

7. On days when you’re not feeling well mentally, take a break. It’s okay to drop everything and get an extra hour of sleep, read, or do something else to make yourself feel better.

8. After hard days, I know the last thing you want to do is get up and continue on, but here are some ways to do it:

- lay out an outfit that’s put together, but not as over the top. No sweat pants or crappy clothes, but it doesn’t have to be your usual put together outfits with a full face of makeup. A nice crewneck and a nice pair of black athletic leggings can go a long way. 

-wear your comfort jewelry. I wear my beaded necklace that I bought for myself,  the silver ring my grandma gave me and the gold cross ring that my mom gave to me when I got confirmed. 

-eat breakfast. A handful of cereal will do. Anything. But eat something. I like to make oatmeal. It sounds boring but if you make it right, it tastes just perfect for mornings when you don’t feel hungry but know inside that you are. Recipe is next on the list :)

-go to school. I know you want to lay in bed. I know the last place you want to be is a crowded building full of pubescent teens that aren’t nice, but go. Go to learn. Go to absorb knowledge like a sponge, and don’t worry if you fail and lose some of the water, because you can always soak it up later. 

-if you have practice, rehearsal, a game, whatever, be gentle on yourself. Today might not be your best day physically, because the brain controls everything. Forgive yourself if you can’t land that double pirouette, get to the high note, or make that assist. You’re abilities are stagnant, and they’re going to change depending on how you feel

-When you get home, turn off your phone. Friends, social media, etc. can wait. Set a timer for one hour. Do work for just that hour. When the timer rings, finish what you were doing and then stop. Now have a 20 minute break and do something that’s not screen related. Read a book, draw something; heck, stare at the wall for 20 minutes and space out. When the timer rings, do another hour and repeat the same process until it’s all done. 

-have a playlist you listen to to heal you. Sad boi hours are ok, just make sure to have a playlist of songs that get you moving again. 

-Sleep. Even if that means putting off work for tomorrow. It’s ok. You really need it. 

9. Oatmeal seems gross until you know how to prepare it. When you do, it’s revolutionary. It’s a high volume, low calorie food, so you’ll stay full for a while without overeating, all while consuming less calories than you would with a traditional breakfast cereal. 

The right way to make it: 

-measure out half a cup of old fashioned oats. Not steel cut. Those aren’t as good. 

-MOST IMPORTANT STEP: add half a cup of water and half a cup of milk of your choice. I personally like almond milk because it’s kind of sweet already even when it’s unsweetened. 

-SECOND MOST IMPORTANT STEP: add a pinch of salt, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and allspice, and a teaspoon or two of maple syrup. This is what makes it taste palatable. It’s less sugar than store-bought, and tastes amazing. 

-Microwave that shit for one minute and stir. It should look kind of lumpy, but not a ton. Then, put another minute on. Stir at every half increment. (After 30 seconds, every 15 seconds, and then every 7) This is so it doesn’t boil over. Then, take it out, stir it one last time, and let it sit for a second. 

-Wash up some berries to put in it. I love blueberries and or blackberries. 

perfect oatmeal every. single. time. Feel free to add more toppings like nuts or if you wanna treat yourself chocolate or substitute the spices, but this is honestly one of my favorite breakfasts that keeps me full throughout the day. 

10. Learn a new language. Yes, Duolingo is annoying, but do it. Find one that you’ll like to learn and that’s easy for you. Try them on like old clothes and find one that fits just right. For me, it’s French. Expose yourself to that language. Listen to music, read books (or try to) and watch movies with subtitles. Soon enough, you’ll be eager to learn more. 

11. Learn how to use notion.com. It’s super amazing. You can literally keep track of your entire life there. It’s pretty fun to use as well. I made schedules for each day after school, a reading log, a want to read list, a personal habit tracker, etc, and they’re all extremely helpful. 

12. Make a list of things you weren’t allowed to do as a kid and do one every day. Heal your inner child by finally itching the spot that may not have been scratched for years. 

13. Learn how to make origami stars. They’re really easy, and I can’t recommend Maqaroon’s (Joanna’s) video on how to make them enough. Once you’ve got it down, get yourself a nice big jar and write down things you’re grateful for on the slips of paper you’re going to fold. Fill up your gratitude jar and make a wish once it’s full. It will come true. 

14. Have 30 minutes a day to put your phone down and read. Yes. You will have to sacrifice something to do this, but it’s so important and good for not only information retention and learning, but for mental health as well. Even if you have to get up half an hour earlier to do it, it’s worth it. 

15. It’s okay to be alone, but learn to recognize the difference between alone and lonely. If you’re lonely, here are some things to do:

-write a letter to a friend. It’s something nice you can do for yourself and others, and it’s not feeding into the toxic instant reply culture that we live in

-read a book or watch a show that gets you to connect with the characters, even if that means (I've said it before and I’ll say it again) rereading a favorite ya series or binging atla for the fiftieth time. It’s good for the soul.

-take a walk and smile at the people you see coming past. Again, it’s good for the soul. 

-go to the coffee shop and ask the barista to make you a drink that tastes like “_____” (insert whatever you want there. It could be a color, song, feeling, etc.) It’s weird and uncomfortable, but it gives you a conversation starter and 9.9 times out of 10 a really good drink. (Also helpful for when you think the barrista’s cute)

-Reading in general. It opens up so many new worlds with the turn of a page. 

16. Monitor your food intake. No, don’t restrict your food intake, monitor it. This means first seeing exactly what your putting in your body and altering it to gradually improve to a clean diet. Humans weren’t built to process all the preservatives, additives and sugars found in most processed food (cereals, chips, anything in a foil bag that’s either really sweet or really salty) and it’s important to cut down and if possible eliminate as much as you can of it out of your diet. Food is fuel, and you truly are what you eat. You’ll notice that by increasing your vegetable intake, reducing white processed sugars and carbs*, and cutting out sodas/extra sugars, that you’ll feel better. This isn’t a weight loss thing, but you may start to trim down a little bit once you go more intense with it. You don’t have to eliminate anything fully, and please enjoy your favorite “bad” foods! Everything in moderation is perfect! Just make sure that you’re getting the good stuff in there too! *Side note, do NOT cut out carbs! See my post on how I’m losing weight to get more into depth on this. 

17. Buy fresh flowers for yourself. Who says that you have to wait for someone else? That’s completely false, and you should totally treat yourself to a nice bouquet on occasion, especially in the dead of winter. 

18. The whole idea of self love is flawed. Loving yourself has nothing to do with the way you look. Loving yourself comes with genuinely loving your life. If you don't love the way you’re living, change it. Make and set goals. Fail at achieving those goals. Get back up and try again until you finally get it, but make sure that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing to love the life you live. Life doesn’t live you. You live life.

19. Have candles and incense. (Or a diffuser if you’re not allowed to burn stuff) Making your environment smell good makes a huge difference

20. Once you turn 18, get a tattoo. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Pick something small and get it behind your ear, on your ankle, wrist, fingers, whatever. You’ll love having the memory when your old. 

21. Realize your worth. We often put ourselves down because we think that valuing ourselves is equivalent to selfishness. It’s not. At all. You are just as important as everyone else. Your voice matters too. 

22. Go to art museums

23. Go to free concerts in the park

24. Expose yourself to new art, ideas, and literature

25. Life is gonna suck sometimes. It’s just how it is. That doesn’t mean a bad day’s gonna last forever. As cheesy as it is, keep your head up :)

[lalka-laski]

What color hair did your first crush have? Dark brown

What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? Barefoot is the way to be! But if I absolutely have to wear shoes, I opt for flip flops.

Are you male or female? Female

Do you feel your personality matches your heritage? This is an interesting question! Kudos to you for asking probably the most thought-provoking question I've ever seen in a survey. I'm Northern Irish and Polish, both notably kind of stoic people. But I'm a rolling ball of emotions and FEELINGS every second of the day so no, I guess on the surface I don't embody the personality of my cultures.

If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it? I have an assortment of super cool Bowie mugs that I don't think I could ever top with my own design

What’s one item on your wish list? Short term: Finish decorating my living room Long term: Write a book

What is the best beach you’ve been to? I love BEACHES and I love the water- be it lake, river, ocean. I always feel at peace.

What is one thing you physically can’t do? A split

Do you know a lot of people who have the same middle name as you? Yes. Funnily enough I met a girl today named "Catherine Elizabeth" which is my name flip flopped.

Do you like your middle name? I love it. I love the flow of my full name. It's regal and elegant. (If only I was too, ha)

Would you ever audition for American Idol? No. Not only because I don't have vocal chops, but because those shows are a sham. Who would you most like to have a sit-down conversation with? Well they say never meet your heroes but dammit if I wouldn't love to just chat with David Bowie for a little bit...

What book are you currently reading? We are the Brennans by an author I can't remember. And don't wish to remember because the book is D-R-Y.

What song are you listening to? None, just the sound of my fan.

Have you ever been to a funeral? Yes

If you live alone, do you leave the bathroom door open? I don’t live alone but when I did, yes. I still do it when Glenn's not home.

Do you wish you could go camping more? Honestly kind of. I don't consider myself outdoorsy but maybe that's because I never give myself the CHANCE to be? The few times I've been camping were always a blast and I think I'd benefit from some more time in nature.

Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? Negative

Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? Yep. The 8th grade DC trip is kind of a rite of passage for Northeast kids.

Name 3 cities you’d like to visit again. Toronto, Oshawa (to vist my family), New Orleans

Name 3 places you’d like to visit that you’ve never been. Iceland, Poland, Northern Ireland

Elephants or cats? Uhh... in what scenario?

Do you have any regrets? No. I mean yeah, there's mistakes that still haunt me at night but if given the chance, I wouldn't undo any of them.

Who was the last person that said something that warmed your heart? Glenn

Do/did you have a favorite seat in church? I don't attend church

What is your favorite park? We have a lot of beautiful parks in the area so it's hard to choose!

Do you miss having a roommate, if applicable? I suppose Glenn is technically my roommate?

Your first year of college, what were the people across the hall from u named? I actually lived across from the bathrooms, so.

Have you ever felt an earthquake? Actually yes. We didn't realize 'till after that's what we felt and damn was that weird.

Do you have to take pain medicine regularly? Nope, thankfully.

What were the best years of your life? These ones right here

Have you made any huge mistakes? Well who hasn't?

Do you have any regrets that haunt you currently? Didn't we just go over this

Was it warm out today? It was one of the cooler days we've had recently, which was very pleasant! Still warm, but comfortable.

What is the next holiday you will celebrate? My birthday!

Do you own a lot of shoes? Hardly

Do you believe anyone is asexual? Of course. That's not up for debate and certainly not for me to dictate.

Do you chew gum regularly? I've never been a gum chewer but lately I've picked up the habit

What color socks are you wearing? None. I never wear any if I can help it.

What was the last flavor of tea that you drank? Peppermint

Is there a certain person that makes you feel hurt every time you see them? Not anymore. Time heals!

Were you abused? What a question

Have you ever missed a deadline? Mhm

Where did you go on your first train ride? Toronto if I'm not mistaken

…first plane ride? Phoenix, Arizona.

Can you tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart in pictures? No, but I CAN tell Tia & Tamera apart. That should count for something, right?

Do you have natural blonde highlights? Well I'm naturally blonde all over so yeah, I guess.

What color was the last nail polish you used? Teal-ish

What electronics are you using right now? My phone & my Chromebook

When someone hurts you, do you start to feel jealous of them? Uh what?

Do you like to sleep with the windows open? I love it until god-forsaken birds wake me up with their bullshit in the morning

List all the people you’ve met whose name started with a Y. No thank you

What color was your first boom box? I remember having a pink and green one. I assume it was my first?

Do you do all the chores yourself? Hell no, we split them equally

Do you find it hard to keep up with everything? LOL, story of my life baby

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Lost Without Her: I’m Broken

*Not My Gif*

Summary: It’s been 5 years since half the world was snapped away, 6 months since her mom, Natasha sacrificed herself and the world came back, but how does she handle it after her world flips upside down?

~Lost Without Her Master~

Post Date: 11-26-19

Paring: Peter Parker x Romanoff!Reader

Word Count: 2K

~Master~

~Marvel Master~

Peter rolled onto his side, groaning a little from the way the floor hurt his back as he slept. His eyes fluttered open, drinking in the darkness as Clint let out a loud snore, making Peter scoff and push his pillows into his ears to block out the sound. Something felt off in Peter as he sat up quickly, scanning around the room. Everything looked fine as Peter relaxed, finally taking a look at where you were supposed to be sleeping. Your blanket was askew, and you weren’t even in the spot.

“Y/N?” Peter whispered into the room, careful not to wake Clint up but enough for you to hear. “Y/N?!” he repeated before standing up and searching around the store. He couldn’t find you anywhere inside as he made his way up to the roof. When Peter and you first became friends, you spent hours and hours a top any building you could. He pulled open the door, the crisp night air hitting his arms made him shiver but he ignored it, finding your silhouette barely lit by an old streetlight a few yards away. You were sitting on the ledge of the building and he didn’t know if he should’ve approached you, but it didn’t matter as the door squeaked when he shifted. Your body tensed as you reached for the gun you always kept close and aimed it at the door. Peter put his hands up, making you relieved to learn it was just him but a little irritated.

“Sorry. Reflex.” You explained as you tucked the gun into your pants again, turning out into the sky. Peter just stood there, unsure of what to do. With the drop of your head you let him join you, you were both silent and Peter kept looking at you in the corner of his eyes.

“Didn’t know you had that.” He said as he nodded down to your shirt. You pulled it away from your body, chuckling at yourself. It was one of Peter’s old shirts you stole before the blip. You ran your thumb across the fabric before letting it fall.

“What can I say? Old habits die hard.” You shrugged and for a moment everything seemed simple. Peter and you were acting like normal and it gave you some sort of comfort. Peter smiled at you, seeing the kid come out of the stoic assassin as he subconsciously scooted closer. That’s what shot you back into reality as you felt the cool metal of the gun caress your lower back, and you sat up straighter. “Peter.” You whispered as Peter didn’t move away, only nodding his head.

“What happened to you Y/N?” he asked so innocently and for a second you didn’t know what to say.

“I gave up.”

Peter let his eyes drop, denial seeping through his expression enough for you to already guess his next question.

“Why?”

And there it was.

You stared straight out in front of you, ignoring the way your eyes seemed heavier and it felt like something was scratching the inside of your throat. “I listened to my heart instead of my brain, ended up on shits creek with no way out.”

Peter couldn’t say anything, all the words dying on his tongue as watched a slight bit of rain get stuck in your hair. You looked up into the sky, letting your eyes close as the rain encased you face. Peter was entranced as he watched you, drinking up all the things that have changed in your 5 years. Your Y/H/C hair was longer, and your face had matured into one a 17-year-old would wear. You filled Peter’s shirt better than you used too and it no longer looked like a dress on you, but that was expected. And the scars.

“Stop staring Pete. It’s weird.” Peter blushed as he looked away from you. There were a few things that were the same. Like your distaste for being stared at. Peter guessed it worked for you being an assassin, hating being looked at so you made sure no one was.

“How’s May? And Ned?” You wanted to be alone but knowing Peter wasn’t going to do that, you decided small talk was best.

“They’re good. May has been trying to figure out where we’re living now. When we blipped back, there were people already living in our apartment.” You felt a little guilty. The avengers should’ve protected Peter’s place, not let someone else take it, but how were you supposed to know they would come back.

You licked your lip, willing yourself to ask him another question. “And the team?”

Peter bit his lip, running his hand up and down his arm to soothe some of his nerves as he sighed. “They miss you. Everyone misses you Y/N. They want you to come home. I want you to come home.”

“Peter.”

“No, Y/N, please.” His voice cracked as you turned to look at him shaking your head as a tear ran down your check, blending in with the rain around you.

“Peter I can’t.” Peter couldn’t control himself as he lifted his thumb to under your eye, wiping the drops from your cheek as you sought comfort in his touch, a touch from someone who wasn’t trying to kill you was rare now these days for you and you missed them. Peter dragged his thumb across your skin, the feeling of your scars under the pad of his thumb should’ve made you pull away, but Peter’s touch was different. It was almost as if he made them better. You looked into his brown eyes as he met yours. He seemed closer, but you didn’t mind. Flickering your eyes down to his lips, they parted slowly and yours copied, both of you leaning in just slightly as your eyes closed gently, savoring the last looks of Peter before you did the last thing you ever thought you’d be doing with Peter Parker.

Kissing.

But you didn’t. Instead a car alarm went off just a few blocks from you and you bolted apart, jumping even farther than you had been before. Your eyes were wide as you tried to process what was about to happen between you and Peter. Peter seemed to be in the same state as you, avoiding any type of eye contact you could as the alarm turned off.

“You shouldn’t have come here Peter. Neither of you should’ve.” You told him as you made your way off the roof, head back down to where you sleep. Clint was still sleeping, and Peter stayed on the roof, leaving you to your own mind to figure things out. You laid back in your spot, pulling the blankets up to your neck as Peter’s footsteps came down from the staircase. You know he could tell you weren’t sleeping but neither of you said anything as he laid in his spot as well, drifting off into a sleep as you stayed awake into the morning.

When the sun peaked into your shop you rolled over, seeing Peter and Clint both waking up due to the sun’s invasion. You pushed yourself up to a stance and cracked your back, eliciting groans from both the others. “Welcome to the real-world boys. Time to leave.” You tossed Clint’s bag at him, hitting him square in the chest as he furrowed his brows and watched you. You picked up Peter’s bag, tossing it at him but not bringing yourself to look in his eyes. Clint didn’t know what had happened between the two of you apparently sometime after he went to sleep but that wasn’t the most important thing now.

“You’re really going to make us leave?” he asked you as you hummed a yes, moving onto your work as you arranged your wall, filing some of the papers you had stored. “Y/N.” he took a few steps closer to you, but you didn’t see as your back was facing him. You didn’t turn around, just saying yes as Clint sighed deeply. “Y/N.” you repeated your action as Clint turned to Peter who looked like a deer caught in headlights as he defensively shrugged.

“Y/N, will you look at me!” You froze when Clint yelled at you, turning around with an attitude as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“What do you want, Barton?” Clint looked stunned when you called him that. You’ve only ever called him Clint or the occasional Uncle C, but that was before everything happened. He cleared his throat, pulling Peter up to where he stood knowing Peter was the key to everything.

“I know you think your home is gone Y/N, but there are still people who care about you back there.” Peter finally spoke as you looked at him, letting your defensive stance drop only slightly before hardening again.

“I don’t want to go back.”

Clint threw his hands up as if he was arguing with a three-year-old. “Why not?!”

“You both left me!” you ran a hand through your hair, pulling on it slightly as Peter spoke up.

“I didn’t have a choice.” He cried as you knew your breathing got more erratic.

“Yeah? Neither did I!” You let your eyes linger on Peter before facing Clint, seeing the way he couldn’t bring himself to look at you. “But you did leave. You left me and my mom. Forgive me if I don’t forgive you.” You turned back to the wall, not even looking at it as you calmed down your racing heart enough to form a coherent thought. “It doesn’t matter. Even if I did go back, the Y/N that you know, the one you left, she’s gone. And don’t think she could ever come back if I tried. I’m too broken to be put together.”

“You’re not broken Y/N.” Peters hand made it to your shoulder, yet you didn’t turn around, hiding the tears coming down your face. Peter knee what you were doing. You were trying to stay strong and he knew you weren’t going to last long. “Y/- “

“Just admit it. I’m a mess up. I’m a specially trained agent ruining my mom’s legacy by going in a murderous rampage. I know that’s what everyone’s thinking back there. They sent you here to make me stop because I’m broken.” You knew you hit a cord when Peter gingerly removed his hand, letting his fingers linger a few seconds before dropping.

“Ok, we’ll go home.” You spun around quick, looking Peter in the eyes with fascination.

“What?”

“We’ll go home. You can stay here for as long as you need, and Mr. Barton and I will go home.” Peter shrugged as he played with his fingers, his eyes downcast every few seconds as Clint just stood in shock behind him.

“Peter.” He started as Peter glared at him, mouthing a ‘trust me’ that you couldn’t see, and Clint sighed deeply. “Alright. We’ll go.” You never really imagined where to go from there. Never did you think they’d actually agree to go home, but you were going to ask if they were certain. Clint didn’t know if he should trust the boy or not, but he knew that you weren’t coming home without a fight and if Peter had a plan then he needed to risk it.

“We’ll see you around Y/N.” Peter said as you averted your gaze, knowing if you had your way, they wouldn’t see you again. Ever.

“Bye Pete. Bye Clint.” They left without another word and you were left in silence, staring at the front door to your shop as you realize how much you’ve thrown away. You pushed away the team, you moved across the world because you couldn’t handle the world without your mom, you began killing people, and you pushed Peter and Clint away when all they wanted to do was save you.

You broke yourself.

What did you think?

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