#because to do otherwise would be to cut off the discussion prematurely

[pikahlua]

sooo glad you're a) talking about the VERY present themes of sm in MHA, but also b) not making yourself overly available to explain that stuff to strangers on the internet, since it's a kind of thing that is kind of uhh up to personal interpretation. like a ton of anime and manga have strong sm themes/images, and half the time its just because the imagery is just plain FUN for the artists to draw, and half the time because there's a lot of like. religious/moral themes being explored in (particularly long form graphic novel) stories AND s&m uhhh practices and lots of that stuff has absolutely nothing to do with sex and also a lot of it does. trying to make any calls about authorial intent where those themes overlap is suuuuch nebulous territory and probably need to be explored by the reader for themselves. also: how many authors talk about 'i love my little guy, I need to put him through the horrors'- that's the sadomasochism babes!!! it's how a lot of people engage in story telling, we need to call it what it is without attaching moral value to it because that's just a facet of normal regular human engagement with the world ✌️

Thank you. And look, I'm just out here saying a lot of the best climactic manga moments people love involve their favorites getting tortured in one way or another. And I think such themes are present in all sorts of media aimed at even like elementary school kids (or sometimes superficially censored TO BE "suitable" for such ages). And even if MHA in some ways takes some things a step further than its contemporaries, it's faaaaar from the first manga to do anything like this. In fact I'd even call some of its themes in this regard tame.

But also MHA do be having some kinky shit [/pos] sometimes and it's shocking to me that we're on chapter 396 and this is still news to some people given it shows up pretty blatantly in like the first chapter.

[enbycrip]

The focus on medicalisation in a lot of the trans community really gets to me.

I’m nonbinary. My transition is complex.

Yup, in a better world, I would probably like to try microdosing T to get a more androgynous appearance.

But that world would need to be better in so many ways.

It would need to be a world where I’m not basically untreated and unmanaged for my hEDS, POTS, ADHD and various conditions related to my Fragile X Premutation, tbh.

I get a high dosage of Venlafaxine for MDD and GAD and have been stable on it for a decade, though I actually suspect a substantial part of the reason it helped me when none of the SSRIs did was that it turns out that it’s a second-line treatment for ADHD (and that took a lot of trawling through medical journals to find out) *and* that it’s not prescribed very frequently because it raises blood pressure.

For the hEDS and POTS, I get 8/500 and 30/500 cocodamol. I *very* occasionally get diazepam for dislocations, which I hoard like a fucking squirrel for the times of muscle spasms when I can’t sleep otherwise.

I have FXS-Premutation-related premature ovarian insufficiency and was judged to be broadly in menopause a decade ago. They gave me oestrogen HRT. It fucks me up *horrendously*.

I now have a progesterone IUD and use an intermittent oestrogen gel in *tiny* amounts, and tbh I only really use it when I get vaginal dryness because any other time I use it it fucks me up *enormously*, and I’m already fucked up enough either way chronic fatigue, chronic pain, chronic and continual injuries and dislocations, all of which oestrogen makes continuously worse.

I requested additions of T to my HRT to see if that helps with the situation *repeatedly* and I’ve been consistently refused, and then discharged from that service.

I’ve had *one* GP that uses my correct they/them pronouns out of about six. I discussed referral to a gender service with her, but she went off on mat leave just before the first COVID lockdown and my GP has been in crisis mode ever since. I’ve had about three phone appointments since and never been in the building.

On top of that I have an ADHD diagnosis from a decade ago but didn’t go on meds at that point because I was doing IVF at the time (stopped that after miscarriages about 8 years ago because each miscarriage took function I’ve never regained and I don’t think I’m now physically capable of a pregnancy that would leave me capable of the kind of parenting I want to do, and my OH agrees) and apparently need a rediagnosis before I can access meds because “it’s been too long now”. I’ve been on the waiting list for an ADHD re diagnosis and a formal adult autism diagnosis (not just a bunch of psychiatrists going “fuck yes you *are*!) for two years now.

So yeah. I am “medically complex” AKA I’m living in the centre of a web of medical failures because everything I need treated for needs a holistic assessment and understanding of how they all accept each other, and not one medic seems willing to even try that.

I’ve now had a diagnosis of C-PTSD from all the medical trauma I’ve dealt with that means that, tbh, going to the dentist is now really complex for me. And every time I venture to connect with the medical system to try to get something dealt with, I end up so continuously retraumatised that it *really* affects my daily functioning.

I am *very* autistic, though I can mask very well for short periods. I end up with *severe* suicidal ideation, urges to self-harm by beating myself, cutting myself, banging my head off walls, scratching, biting myself. I end up completely unable to sleep; I get severe traumatic flashbacks; I get anhedonia; I get my “absolute blackness” periods where there is nothing good of any kind anywhere. I lose my ability to get up, to care for myself and my animals as much as I do.

It, very understandably, *terrifies* my OH and my parents. It completely destroys my ability to engage with my academic work.

…

Wow. Reading this, I…

…I am so often utterly dismissed as a “high-functioning” autistic because I’m primarily verbal, I can write well and fluently; I have a couple of degrees and I’ve held several jobs.

It’s helpful to see the flip side of that and how it intersects with my CPTSD written down.

It’s really helpful.

…

The thing is that there are a *lot* of trans binary and nonbinary folk like me out there.

A lot of us are autistic.

A lot of us are complex medically.

This isn’t a unique story. Not at all.

(Image description: the trans, intersex, nonbinary, more color more pride, genderqueer, queer chevron, asexual, aromantic, agender, and androgyne pride flags with a black box in the center, white text inside the box reads "liberation not medicalization".)

[robininthelabyrinth]

Tedious Joys 

 - Chapter 1/8 - Ao3 link -

By the time Lao Nie wrote to Lan Qiren under personal cover to ask for his assistance, they hadn’t spoken in nearly seven years.

Oh, they’d spoken – it was rather impossible to avoid speaking, acting sect leader to sect leader. They attended the same discussion conferences, and of course the Lan and Nie sects were close allies, insofar as the Great Sects were anything to each other; their alliance, martial and moral, tended to balance out the riches and clever tricks brought to bear by the Jin and Jiang sects, and of course the Wen sect was large and powerful enough that it didn’t need or want any allies that it couldn’t subject to its dominion. An alliance meant constant contact, checking in, and ideally would call for a good relationship between the leaders of the two sects, which they had once had.

They had once been very close, even.

Lan Qiren had idolized Lao Nie from a young age, admiring his fierceness and his passion for life, his ruthless logic and his practicality and his thoughtful sense of judgment, all the more admirable given that he was from a sect known for being a bunch of hotheads. When Lan Qiren’s older brother – older by nearly ten years, with a middle brother that had died before Lan Qiren’s birth and several miscarriages in between as his parents struggled to provide the sect with the requisite spare – had continuously tried to leave his irritating younger sibling at home when going on night-hunts, Lao Nie had cheerfully interjected himself more than once, volunteering that he would be happy to take him along, and at that point Lan Qiren’s brother, who admired the older man nearly as much as Lan Qiren did, would generally yield, even if he grumbled about it.

Unlike Qingheng-jun, who ought to have been more considerate for his own family, Lao Nie had never minded having to slow down the pace of his hunts in order to accommodate a sickly child, a pedantic one that needed to understand things thoroughly before he was comfortable trying something new. He had often allowed Qingheng-jun to rush ahead and win glory that ought in all fairness to have been his, something Lan Qiren only discovered when he reviewed his history in retrospect.

Lao Nie hadn’t minded how clumsy Lan Qiren was, or how picky he was, refusing to eat even common foods if the texture didn’t appeal to him; he had only laughed at his excessive formality, the harshness of his tone, his tendency to repeat himself or to become caught on little details. He’d indulged him, wasting copious amounts of his time listening to Lan Qiren talk enthusiastically about the Lan sect rules, which he’d fallen in love with at an early age and, when young, rarely missed the chance to bring into any given conversation no matter how irrelevant.

He’d always been very kind to him.

If you had asked Lan Qiren ten years ago, he would have confidently asserted that Lao Nie was one of his dearest friends.

And yet – it had been Lan Qiren, who was short on friends, and not Lao Nie, who had many, that had cut off their relationship. Lan Qiren hadn’t truly spoken to Lao Nie in seven years, limiting their conversations to the subject of sect business and keeping their meetings as short as could be allowed by etiquette, ignoring the way Lao Nie looked at him with sadness and regret in his eyes. Even when Lan Qiren’s anger had finally died down from a raging flame to a simmering anger he suspected would never leave him entirely, he had thought to himself that it was too late, that the fire had burnt everything out, that there were only ashes left behind.

And yet – on the seventh year, apparently apropos of nothing, Lao Nie wrote to him, requesting his presence.

As a friend, he wrote. Come as a friend, or not at all. I have no use for a sect leader.

Lan Qiren struggled with the request, which did not obey any of the unwritten rules he had forced himself to learn on top of the many that were written. He did not know if he was still enough of a friend to Lao Nie to answer such a request.

He did not know himself whether he would go until the moment that he went.

Lao Nie met him at the gateway to the Unclean Realm, relief written in every line of him.

“Thank you,” he said, and Lan Qiren shifted uncomfortably from side to side.

“I didn’t even do anything yet,” he said stiffly, instinctively reaching up to stroke his beard. It was a more acceptable social tic than others that he had been discouraged from employing; losing access to it, however temporarily, had been one of the reasons he had been so upset with Cangse Sanren when she’d shaved it off while he was asleep. She’d tracked him down later to apologize when she’d realized how badly he’d taken it, serious for perhaps the only time he’d known her, and they’d ended up as something almost like friends out of the whole debacle. He hadn’t heard from her in years, either, but that was no breach; it was only that she was busy with her husband and the little child she had once shoved into his arms with that deep, echoing laugh of hers. “Don’t thank me until I’ve determined if I can do anything for you, or will.”

Lao Nie nodded and showed him inside, leading him to his private chambers rather than the sect leader’s study. This suggested that the issue was private, although Lan Qiren supposed he’d already known that, based on the letter.

They sat in silence while Lao Nie personally served the tea, his brow still creased in concern, and Lan Qiren stared at him – too intently, as always – and wondered what private issue could have caused such an upset, and moreover what he could possibly need Lan Qiren for. Lao Nie was a private man, in the custom of his clan and sect; Lan Qiren didn���t know his birthdate or even his age, only the approximates, and many of the details of his life escaped him. It made it difficult to guess what the matter might be, if it were personal and not political.

Although…

“My condolences regarding your second wife,” he said, watching, and Lao Nie jerked his head in a tight nod, acknowledging the loss. Lao Nie’s first wife had been a mysterious figure, appearing and disappearing as suddenly as an unexpected burst of rain on a sunny day – the stories in Qinghe enthusiastically claimed she was a goddess that descended from the heavens to dally with moral race, who’d ended up marrying Lao Nie to legitimize the child he’d unexpectedly planted in her belly, only to be summoned back to the heavens on important duties, although of course it was commonly understood that she was more than likely just some powerful rogue cultivator who had decided after a short interval that being married was not for her. Lan Qiren had never met her, although he had had the fortune to meet Lao Nie’s second wife, who had been much more down-to-earth, an innkeeper’s daughter.

(Lan Qiren had rather liked her the few times they’d met. She was a little self-absorbed, in a harmless sort of way. She liked beautiful things and good food and talking about them, and was happy to carry on entire conversations while he responded only with nods and grunts; to his relief, she had never expected anything more from him. She was very beautiful herself, both delicate and seductive with her fox’s face and long and narrow eyes; some cruel people spread rumors that she was a demon or a yao in disguise, sent to wreak havoc through the seduction of men. She had never tried anything like that on Lan Qiren, unless her attempt at seduction consistent of sharing a plate of snacks and occupying him enough to prevent him from having to listen to the more boring parts of the social parts of certain discussion conference meetings. At any rate, he’d been truly saddened to hear that she had died.)

Still, Lao Nie had not yet begun to speak.

That meant that the problem was not in relation to that aspect of his life, which in all honesty was a relief. Lan Qiren could not imagine a world in which Lao Nie confided his marital problems in a prematurely old bachelor like him.

Perhaps…

“Your sons?” he asked, and this time Lao Nie flinched, so he’d guessed right. “Ah. The younger one?”

The younger one would be about A-Zhan’s age, surely, or even younger. Little more than a toddler, not yet quite old enough to be taken away from the mother – or nurse, in the case of Lao Nie’s second son – and they were so terribly fragile at that age…

“No,” Lao Nie said, and sighed, a long exhale. “Forgive me, it’s a difficult subject. A-Sang is fine. The issue is with A-Jue.”

Nie Mingjue would now be around eight or nine years old, Lan Qiren thought, or perhaps even older – it was so hard to tell with these secretive Nie, and he only knew enough to make the guess at all because of their former friendship. Most sects were only vaguely aware that there were heirs to the Nie sect, and had certainly never seen hide nor hair of Nie Mingjue, during discussion conferences or otherwise.

He’d been a toddler the last time Lan Qiren had seen him, young and energetic, running around anywhere, but he had something of his father’s kindness – he’d actually listened to Lan Qiren telling him about rules that didn’t apply to him, and even proudly repeated some of them back to his father, much to Lan Qiren’s embarrassment – without having yet grown into his father’s occasional callous ruthlessness.

Perhaps it made a certain amount of sense that Lao Nie would ask for help with his children. Since his life plans had been irrevocably altered, Lan Qiren had taken over teaching at the Cloud Recesses, and to his surprise, was apparently making something of a name for himself.

It hadn’t been intentional: he’d been desperate for something to do with himself that wasn’t just for the sect, so much of his time consumed by the business of sect leadership, and he’d always planned to become a teacher eventually, although he’d always assumed it would be much later in life. He’d volunteered to teach, only to look at the small handful of obedient, well-trained Lan sect disciples that he would be in charge of instructing and quickly realized that such ‘teaching’ wouldn’t occupy his time at all.

Accordingly, he had demanded that the sect elders allow him to accept disciples from other sects as well. The request was highly irregular, but strictly abided by all Lan sect rules on the subject – it was Lan Qiren putting together the proposal, after all – and the elders had granted it with surprisingly little debate. To this day, Lan Qiren wasn’t sure if it was pity for his circumstances or simply an assumption that no outside students would bother attending, but he would not let the approval, once granted, be so easily retracted: he had sent out letters asking for students at once, and to everyone’s surprise but his own they actually came.

(He’d been clever about it, at the start. He’d reached out first to those smaller sects that would not have access to resources even a quarter as good as the Cloud Recesses, asking specifically for those children that seemed troublesome – the ones it took time and attention to teach, the ones who didn’t seem to be getting what they were supposed to learn. The slow, the stupid, the angry, the ones who disappointed their parents most of all. Lan Qiren might not have answers for those children, but at least he could give them his time and attention and he found, for most of them, that was all they wanted.)

Recently, though, they’d started getting more requests to join from the slightly larger subsidiary sects, more people, even murmurs about sending him their sect heirs rather than their burdens – people were saying that his teaching could make a gentleman even out of a waste, which Lan Qiren didn’t really understand. After all, putting aside a few students that were too arrogant to be willing to learn anything, he hadn’t encountered a single one he’d characterize as a waste.

“How can I help A-Jue?” he asked, expecting Lao Nie to finally give in and explain.

But Lao Nie shook his head.

“There’s some background I need to tell you first,” he said. “Without which the problem won’t make much sense. You have one of the finest analytical minds I’ve ever met, Qiren, and a way of thinking that doesn’t match up to conventional wisdom – I’m hoping you can help me where expertise has failed.”

Lan Qiren frowned, embarrassed. “I can try,” he said, already mentally rearranging his plans to account for a longer stay. He disliked sudden changes and had planned out three possible lengths of time for his visit – one short, one medium, one long – so that he would be able to select whichever one would be most appropriate. He hoped that the issue would not require any more time than the longest period he had allotted. “What is the subject?”

“Saber,” Lao Nie said, and smiled at Lan Qiren’s confusion. “My sect’s cultivation style. Let me explain…”

Lao Nie’s explanation was fascinating.

The cultivation style of the Nie sect – and the Nie clan in particular, especially the main branch – was unlike anything Lan Qiren had ever heard before, completely different in both substance and philosophy. It was a rough trade, a difficult road, heartbreaking in its sacrifice, impressive in its results…

It wasn’t the road for everybody, but one couldn’t help but admire those that walked it.

“Doesn’t it get close to demonic cultivation, using resentful energy like that?” he asked at one point, and Lao Nie had explained to him how they had drawn the distinction – using beasts, never humans, and channeling the worst of the effects into their sabers rather than themselves. How much they strived to cultivate morality into their sabers as well as power.

Lan Qiren thought that it was a fine line, but after some thought concluded that they fell on the right side of it, if just barely. The primary dangers of demonic cultivation were in the way it increased the amount of evil in the world, whether through the inevitable madness and violent rampages of its wielders or through the simple side effects of using other people’s corpses as your playthings, increasing their own resentment, breaking the hearts of their loved ones, and causing their ancestors to curse you; that sort of vile conduct was an offense to the Heavens. The Nie sect’s cultivation avoided that, and if through their sabers they added a little bit of evil to the world then it could not be denied that they took much, much more of it out.

“I think I understand now,” he said, brushing his fingers along his beard. “But…why tell me? Isn’t it one of your clan secrets?”

“It is,” Lao Nie agreed. “As a general principle, we do not tell outsiders unless we must.”

The Nie sect preferred principles over rules, which Lan Qiren begrudgingly accepted even if he himself preferred having rules, clear and precise and equal even if they sometimes weren’t quite fair. But situation-dependent or not, the Nie held to those principles just as tightly as any Lan did to their sect rules, and that was worthy of respect.

“So you felt that you must,” Lan Qiren observed. “But why? And what does it have to do with A-Jue? Is he not taking to your sect’s teachings…?”

“I would almost prefer that,” Lao Nie said, and rubbed his eyes. “We’ve always had those that didn’t follow our ways – those that refused to train the saber, or refused to cultivate a spirit despite all their training. No. It’s actually…A-Jue’s very good.”

Lan Qiren had been a teacher for seven years. He was accustomed to parents who needed to praise their child before getting to the point, though he wouldn’t have expected it of Lao Nie. He waited.

“He’s too good,” Lao Nie said, and abruptly covered his face with his hands. “He’s already cultivated a spirit in Baxia.”

Lan Qiren’s whole body jerked. “Lao Nie!” he exclaimed. “You’ve already given him a saber? He’s too young!”

Under the age of ten, Nie Mingjue should still be building his strength, shaping the muscles that would serve him in the future; he should be wielding only a practice saber made of wood, heavy and slow as he etched the forms of his sect style into his bones. Even if he was a true prodigy, a once-in-a-generation genius, he should at most bear a weapon of dulled steel, and never an actual spiritual weapon, much less the one that would be the companion of his future life.

“He took it himself,” Lao Nie said. “A little over a year ago – we had a surprise attack, right in the middle of the summer hunts. Supposedly bandits, but actually mercenaries, supported by traitors from the inside; they had a map to lead them straight inside our home, and attacked at the moment when most of us were gone. When everyone else ran for cover, A-Jue went to the armory and picked up a saber, freshly forged, and he took his first blood the same day. What was I supposed to do? Take it away from him?”

Lan Qiren felt a stab of sympathy for Lao Nie’s impossible dilemma.

Taking the saber away just when A-Jue had started bonding with it, right after he’d shed blood with it for the first time – yes, that would have been far worse. It might have crippled his confidence, introduced hesitation that would damage his cultivation forever, hinder his future growth…

“And he already developed a saber spirit?” he said instead. “Within a year?”

That wasn’t genius. That was insane.

“I know,” Lao Nie said. “The faster we cultivate, the sooner we die, but how am I supposed to say that to a child? And there’s how fast he’s picked up our cultivation style, how fast he’s going – what if he introduces some flaw into it and it sinks in before anyone notices? Even a minor disruption to his qi, at this age –”

Lan Qiren scowled. “Stop panicking,” he ordered. “That won’t help anyone at all, least of all him.”

Unexpectedly, Lao Nie smiled at him, although the smile was full of regret.

“It’s easy to say and hard to do,” he said. “Don’t you know I always lose my head when it comes to love?”

Lan Qiren knew.

Lao Nie had always been reckless in matters of the heart, as seen by his decision to marry some stranger for his first wife and a nobody for his second, and to thereafter refuse a third, more sensible arrangement with some sect leader’s daughter or sister that could care for the children as a mother while acting as a useful political tool, even if no other children were forthcoming. Even though his life had been beset with later tragedy, he had been happy with his wives – happy and in love, and unwilling to trade a single moment with them for anything.

Lan Qiren knew this. He even understood it.

He just had trouble excusing it.

Lao Nie had been friend to Lan Qiren’s brother long before he’d been friend to him, and so when Qingheng-jun had fallen in love in that sudden, shocking, irrevocable manner that the Lan sect had, Lao Nie had been the first to support him in it, delighted to think that his friend would find the same happiness he had himself found. He’d encouraged him not to be shy in presenting his courtship, in presenting himself as a possible match; he’d reassured him that some disinterest to begin with was reasonable, given that they were still strangers, and advised him to enjoy the feeling of falling in love, to be reckless and bold and daring with it…and he did it all in writing, from a distance.  

Lao Nie had been occupied at the time with issues in his own sect – probably the scandals relating to his first wife, in retrospect, though of course he said nothing of it back then – and had unwisely trusted in Qingheng-jun’s description of the events, rather than seeing the circumstances for himself.  It was understandable that he would not comprehend how fiercely his friend’s heart had been gripped by love, or how truly disinterested He Kexin was in her ardent suitor, not when Qingheng-jun described her resistance as mere coquetry. It was impossible for Lao Nie to have predicted that his well-meant advice that love was worth anything, even defiance of sect rules and the counsels of the elders, would be interpreted in such a terrible way.

Still less, of course, could he have predicted what happened next, the tragedy of He Kexin and the friend that deceived her, that tried to use her and Qingheng-jun through her through false rumors and twisted stories, and in so doing underestimated how unbridled He Kexin could be when pressed. It was all part and parcel of the same underlying calamity: if Qingheng-jun had not been so persistent in his courtship, He Kexin wouldn’t have had such a bad impression of the Lan sect; if she hadn’t had such a bad impression of the Lan sect, she might not have been so ready to believe her friend’s lies about their teacher’s conduct, to allow herself to be indirectly used to manipulate Qingheng-jun’s love-madness to the advantage of another sect; if He Kexin had been a little less arrogant or a little less blindly trusting or had bothered to ask a single question before taking upon herself the duty of executioner as well as judge, if she’d only held back her sword and not gone so far as to kill a man over baseless rumor – if only – if only – if, if, if –

If Qingheng-jun had not decided that his love mattered more to him than his sect.

There was no way Lao Nie could have known what would happen.

It was understandable.

One might even say that it was forgivable, except Lan Qiren had not yet gotten around to forgiving him.

Lan Qiren had dreamed of travel, not teaching; he’d wanted to play music in all the forgotten places, to learn all the things that could not be simply deduced from inside the safety of the Cloud Recesses. He’d wanted to help people, to use that vast store of knowledge that seemed irrevocably stuck in his brain to solve problems and suggest solutions. But the Lan sect needed a leader, and with Qingheng-jun in permanent seclusion, disinterested in sect matters, choosing instead to obsess endlessly over his broken heart…

The duty had fallen to Lan Qiren instead.

(He Kexin had eventually grown rather fond of her husband, even if love wasn’t the word for it. Lan Qiren didn’t know if she was simply salvaging what she could out of an unsalvageable situation or if she just enjoyed the exercise, but he had two nephews now, to raise as if they were his own. Because that was just what he needed, another chain binding him to his home, another duty that shouldn’t have been his – he loved his nephews more than anything, so he couldn’t be angry at them, couldn’t blame them for being born, and so he had to be angry at everyone else instead.)

Lan Qiren lowered his head and pursed his lips. He knew Lao Nie wanted his forgiveness. He even knew, according to the sect rules he valued so highly, that he should grant it. Seven years was surely long enough to pay for any innocent mistake, wasn’t it?

Come as a friend, or not at all.

That was the invitation Lao Nie had extended, and Lan Qiren had come. That was very nearly a decision, if he wanted it to be.

“Let me see him,” Lan Qiren proposed, and Lao Nie’s smile warmed at once.

[shipcestuous]

With Christmastide near to hand, it seems an appropriate moment to discuss A Christmas Carol. Having recently reread it, I was struck by the importance of Ebenezer's relationship with his sister Fan. She was one of the few bright spots in his otherwise thoroughly miserable childhood, and her premature death was a significant step in his embitterment against the world. More interesting, though, is the parallel between Ebenezer and his parents, on the one hand, and Fred, Fan, and Ebenezer, on the other. Ebenezer's father, of course, resented, abused, and partially abandoned him because he was a reminder of his wife's, Ebenezer's mother's, death, and it was only through Fan's intercession on Ebenezer's behalf that Ebenezer was not cut off entirely. Ebenezer similarly neglected his relationship with his nephew, Fred, because Fred was a reminder of Fan's death. Scrooge and his sister thus recapitulate the roles of a married couple. Part of Scrooge's journey is realising that he ought instead to have cherished Fred for his sister's sake, rather than ignored him in order to avoid his own pain over Fan's death. And I would call attention to the lines, 'It's true. Fan really loved me, and I her. How I wish she could be here today', and, 'I see the shadow of my sister's face in yours, Fred. I loved your mother, but for a time I forgot how much. Perhaps I chose to forget. I am sorry'. I'd say that's just about enough water to float a ship; wouldn't you?

What glorious commentary! And it's so appropriate that it's going to be posted on Christmas Eve.

For the longest time, the versions of A Christmas Carol that I was familiar with were the ones that didn't have Fanny in them, like A Muppet Christmas Carol and the one with Jim Carrey. I had never read the book. And then I saw the version with Patrick Stewart, and it was my first exposure to Fanny. And I was struck too, by the importance in that relationship. And of course I shipped it, because why wouldn't I, but there's good reason!

Most of the versions I have seen recently do have Fanny in them, so I'm happy to say she's not being sidelined as much anymore.

I have a small tag for Fanny/Ebenezer.

I love so much what you said about Ebenezer losing Fanny parallels what happened with his own father and mother. I had never noticed that but now it's clear as day.

Ebenezer's connection with Fred is one of my favorite parts of that story. Fred is such a wonderful person, and he became like Fanny even though she died when he was young. He reaches out to Ebenezer even as Ebenezer rejects him, just like Fanny would have wanted him to do, almost like it's Fanny doing it herself through him.

[khaotic-kitsunes]

Melted Hearts

Yet another favourite from my collection~ Here’s hoping everyone enjoys!

Cheeky Kitsune 🦊💋

 “Yes, that’s what I said. Three days. Are you saying you can’t even handle tha-”

   “Tamaki?” You yawned as you stumbled your way into the small study he used as an office when he didn’t feel like going into work; all in all, a fairly unused room. It was strange to see him in it, especially when it was six in the morning.

 His head snapped towards you the moment your voice spilled past your lips, one hand moving up to cover the bottom of the phone while he flashed a nervous smile at you, the very same smile that had you falling for him when you first met.

 You found it strange how a man in such a powerful position could still be so shy and awkward towards you on a daily basis, but you also didn’t care enough to mention it, fearful that the tender smiles might stop entirely.

 “Did I wake you? I’m sorry bunny…I just have to make a few calls, I’ll be done soon” You nodded in response to his words, making your way over to him until you were faceplanting his chest, arms snaking around his waist so that you could steal the warmth he had taken with him when he left the bed just minutes ago.

 “You’re not going back to bed?” He tried his best not to chuckle as he watched you shake your head childishly, your grip on his loosely hanging shirt tightening until he moved a hand to the small of your back; pulling you just a little bit closer.

   “Three days. Handle it, I’m not discussing this anymore.”

   You shuddered at the firm tone his voice carried, a small smile tugging at your lips while you peeked up at him; eyes wide and awake now that you had gotten up in search for your long-term boyfriend.

 “Bunny, I’ve decided something” He paused, putting the phone down before moving his now free hand to your cheek, stroking it tenderly with a fondness in his dark eyes that you absolutely adored. Emotions he reserved for you and you alone.

 “Mm?” His lips stretched into an amused grin at your hum of curiosity, moments before he leaned down to steal your lips in a slow and sensual kiss, your eager reciprocation making him groan deeply.

   “I’m taking some time off, for the next three days, I’m yours and you, my beautiful little bunny, are mine.”

   ~  ~  ~

   “Open.”

   Your lips parted at his command, eyes glued to Tamaki’s own dark, love-filled gaze, your cheeks burning with embarrassment; you knew it was nothing to be embarrassed about, not after all this time with him.

 But it was so hard to get used to the idea of him feeding you the meals he had cooked especially for you; after all, not everyone could brag about having a mafia boss cook for them and spoil them rotten.

 “How is it?” He pulled the fork away while you chewed on the new dish slowly, the hot food practically melting in your mouth, filling it with a sweet taste you couldn’t possibly hope to describe. It was simply magical.

 “Delicious, just like everything you make me” He rolled his eyes at your words, turning his back to stir the food he had so generously allowed you to sample, a quiet snicker reaching your ears.

 “You know, I might think you’re humouring my cooking if you always say it’s delicious” He glanced back at you as you frowned, crossing your arms at the very thought of humouring his delicious food; you weren’t in the habit of lying to him and you most certainly wouldn’t start now.

 “Excuse you, I would not humour you, Tamaki. I say it’s delicious because it’s delicious! Not for any other reason” He turned his head as you spoke, quiet laughter spilling free while his shoulders shook from his efforts to hold it back; apparently your reaction amused him, though personally, you didn’t quite see what was so funny about it.

 You were being completely serious.

   “Tamaki…”

   “I know, I know…it’s okay” He turned to face you, reaching out to pat your head gently, a tender smile on his lips, showing that he understood your intentions.

 “I was only teasing bunny, but that was pretty cute” He brushed his lips against your forehead before stepping back to the stove, his attention now glued to the food that required it; though you didn’t mind. You were more than satisfied that he got the idea, Tamaki was always good like that, actually listening to the words that left your mouth and understanding what you meant.

 “…You tease me too much sometimes…”

   “I tease you just enough, you always want more, don’t you?”

   “…Shut up…” He laughed at your quiet response, shaking his head while busying himself with the food that threatened to burn if his attention faltered too much; sometimes it felt like he knew you too well, other times, well that was harder to express. Tamaki himself was near impossible to keep track of, his moods and the way he expressed himself were impossible to keep complete track of.

   “I love you too bunny…”

    ~  ~ ~  ~  ~

    “Are you really gonna propose to her boss?”

   Tamaki smiled down at the small ring box in his hand, still fiddling with it nervously, flipping the lid open and closed again, over and over; his nerves eating away at him from the inside out.

 “Yes…it’s long overdue and keeping her out of the business is no longer possible. Marrying her will work for many reasons…” He trailed off with a sigh, glancing towards the window in the small study, watching the rain as it hit against the glass and slowly made it’s way down the smooth surface. Oddly calming.

   “Everything here is running smoothly, just like you asked. Still have a day to do it”

   “I would rather do it now but she’s gone out for a bit, I’ll call back when I have her answer. Make sure to have someone ready with the things I asked for if she says yes, I don’t want to act prematurely, just in case…” He chuckled at his own doubts, going stiff the moment he heard your gentle voice call out through the otherwise empty house, alerting him that the nerves in his stomach would soon be settled; with either joy or heartbreak.

 “I have to go. Remember what you need to do.” He hung up a second later, stuffing the ring box into his pocket while throwing the phone down to the table without much care, instead, more focused on making his way through the house to greet you and take the shopping bags from you. Ignoring all complaints.

   “What were you doing back there?”

   “Nothing bunny, I just had to find something…you bought a lot today, have something big planned?” He smiled back at you to distract you from any thoughts of what he had been up to, making his way through to the kitchen while you trailed behind him slowly, a wide smile stretching across your plump lips.

 “Yes! I wasn’t expecting it last night, so there was only something plain for dinner but tonight, I’m making your favourite! Since you’re not home for dinner much, I thought it would be a nice change” You paused, tilting your head to the side while watching Tamaki empty out the bags on the kitchen bench, his attention split between listening to you and putting away the food.

 “…Are you okay Tamaki? You seem nervous”

   “Mm, I’m just trying to work something out”

   He moved in front of you before you could pry any further, his hands closing around yours, pressing a small yet strange object into your hands, the action making your eyes drop down to try and peek at whatever he wanted to give you.

 “Uh…Tamaki…?” You trailed off slowly while he knelt down in front of you, still holding onto your hands tightly, his own hands shaking uncharacteristically.

   “…Please open it…”

   Your brow furrowed once he removed his hands from your own, leaving behind a small box for you to open, a deep purple in colour; no clue as to what was inside until the moment you opened it.

 A beautifully simple ring laying inside of it, silver with beautifully coloured amethysts worked into the design, intricate butterflies that both you and your boyfriend loved decorating what could only be an engagement ring.

   “Bunny, say something…please…wait, are you crying? Why are you cr-”

   You cut him off before he could work himself up too much, tackling him down to the ground in a tight hug, tears rolling down your cheeks as your mind struggled to properly process exactly what this meant for the two of you.

   “YES!”

[veiledpeaches]

chance encounters | epilogue: this is what distance does

Summary: Between pages of meddling friends and societal expectations, all she actually wants is to find a happily ever after with Doyoung, even if it feels like that is no longer possible. 

part i x part ii x part iii x part iv x part v x part vi

word count: 3.3k

i would say this is more of an epilogue than a final chapter, ‘cause if the ending wasn’t clear in the last chapter - this should do the job. 

GIF originally posted by @lukhei​

In a universe where love is a form of currency, Doyoung believes that the Johnny’s of the world will always win.

Even back in university, when they discussed their stock market ventures, he has always noticed Johnny’s indifference towards sunk costs, detailed analysis of opportunity cost at every stage of the investment and decisiveness when it comes to exercising call options. Johnny always believed in win-win situations, so he would never get himself caught up in toxic and mutually detrimental situations.

The same could be said about his relationships. With the number of relationships he has walked away from, he knows that Johnny thinks he isn’t able to make anyone stay, that he’s going to take a while to settle down, but Doyoung knows otherwise. It takes another form of self-preserving courage to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves your growth, to cut your losses and learn to transfer the investment of your feelings in the search for a more suitable person.

While Doyoung has always been firm in his career choices, he hadn’t been able to replicate the same decisiveness in his relationships.

Everyone around him thinks he knew about the affair four months before he had broken things off with her, but Doyoung knows better. It had been close to a year before the wedding date, that he had received an anonymous email, presumably from Inhee’s co-worker, that she was cheating on him. And as the image of his girlfriend on another man’s lap had loaded pixel by pixel, when he had his fist clenched so hard that his knuckles turned white, when his blunt nails had dug into his skin and the hand on his mouse started to tremble, Doyoung had vowed, albeit in brief, revenge for such an affront to his ego.

But on the drive home, once he had calmed down, what struck Doyoung most wasn’t the hurt that he should have felt because of a lost love, but the betrayal of trust, as if that was all his relationship with Inhee had been about - the mutual trust and respect for each other.

That night, when he had returned home to a smiling girlfriend, when she had straddled him and pulled his shirt over his arms after dessert, Doyoung had silently uttered an apology to Inhee, looking at her with the same gaze she had mistaken for desire. An apology because of his cowardice and his selfishness. An apology because, even though it could set both of them free of this convenient relationship, a break-up wasn’t in the cards for him.

Maybe love wasn’t for him, he had mused the next morning. He had spent the last two years of high school studying for entrance exams, the whole of university in search for a suitable career path; a relationship had just been something he picked up along the way. But then as he looked up that morning, watching a familiar figure cursing under her breath as she almost spilled his coffee, looking back down and pretending to focus on his work while his heart had beat faster listening to her make her way over to him, Doyoung realized it had always been about finding the right person.

And Haewon, with the lightness she had about her, the curious lilt in her voice, the endearing way her eyes lit up when someone recommended a restaurant to her, her relentlessness in pursuing the things she believed in - these were just some of the things about her that brought a smile to Doyoung’s face everyday.

So now, as he flies halfway across the world to a city he’s never set foot in, Doyoung just hopes there’s still a space left for him in Haewon’s life.

The international airport he finds himself in isn’t as big as Incheon airport, but it’s still a bigger crowd than Doyoung had anticipated. He’s flipping through the texts in his phone since he has landed, in search for any of Johnny’s texts that indicated where to get a cab after he has left the arrival hall, and almost doesn’t feel it when there’s a tap on his shoulder.

He swings around, fully expecting to tell the person that he’s new to the airport too, and that he wouldn’t be able to deliver directions in English, when he meets eyes with the person he’s wanted to see for a year now.

Haewon’s hair is lighter than it was a year ago, thrown back in a messy bun held by a pencil, and she has the biggest grin on her face when he turns around. Her face is almost devoid of any make-up, and there are tiny crinkles at the corner of her eyes as she smiles now, but she looks beatific. Doyoung finds himself smiling too, as the people traipsing around and about them seem to slow down and blur out. His eyes are so warm from smiling so wide, and his chest feels so tight from looking at her like this, but he feels like he’s in the right place now.

“How did you know?” His voice comes out tighter than usual.

Haewon rolls her eyes endearingly. “Johnny texted me this morning - it took me a few minutes to realize he wasn’t on the plane. I could only guess it would be you.”

“Well,” he chuckles, “I hope you like your surprise.”

She looks at him for a moment, her eyes pearly and twinkling, and her smile falls slightly.

“I thought you might get lost,” she says, the corners of her lips rising again, “I know you hate crowds, just like me.”

Doyoung can’t fight the feeling of breathlessness that follows.

Once Doyoung has loaded his luggage into the trunk of her big silver Ford, it’s just default routine behavior that leads him to the driver’s seat, but a raised eyebrow from Haewon reminds him of where he is.

“You don’t even know the roads here, boss,” she tilts her head to gesture him to the passenger seat as she drops his messenger bag in the backseat.

Doyoung climbs into her car albeit reluctantly, “Johnny says you suck at driving though.”

Haewon whistles at the dig. “Johnny’s always speeding, does he really get to say that?”

(“I kissed Haewon before she left,” Johnny had confessed just a couple of months ago. “I had a crush on her for a while and I kissed her.”

Doyoung had found himself riveted in his seat, unable to say anything or even make a sound. That something could have transpired between Johnny and Haewon wasn’t something he could have anticipated or even imagined. He tries to fight the twinge of jealousy arising from the pits of his stomach, and then wonders if that’s what Johnny has had to experience all this time.

“She rejected me though, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“That’s between you and Haewon,” Doyoung tries, uncertain if the words are said for Johnny’s sake or for his own, “why are you telling me—”

“Of course I have to,” Johnny turns to him with a smile, and Doyoung isn’t sure if the redness of Johnny’s cheeks is because of the cold, the beer or the memory.

“Only you would be dumb enough to think that she could’ve forgotten about you after a year.”)

“-But I stayed ‘cause I wanted to experience Providence in the summer - I’ve heard that it’s really different and I have to agree, there’s a lot more happening… Are you listening to me, boss?”

Doyoung turns to look at her somewhat dazedly, his eyes grazing over the pencil in her hair and how her sunglasses perches on her head, her sun-kissed cheeks, the intent of her gaze on the road. Then he realizes they’ve been on the road for five minutes and haven’t discussed the living situation at all.

“I booked a hotel just in case—”

“Nonsense,” she interrupts quickly, “you’re staying with me. I’ve a spare room, Johnny stays there when he comes anyway.”

“Well, I didn’t want to assume anything.”

Haewon frowns and signals left, and when she turns to reply she finds Doyoung’s eyes on her. They exchange a lingering look, too loaded with potential meaning to begin to interpret. Then she looks down and laughs, a little too brightly than what should be considered appropriate for their situation, especially given the bite of the words that had been exchanged at their last meeting.

“It’s not like you’re here to visit anyone else, why would you stay anywhere else?”

Doyoung finds something hot and heavy slash across his chest - he isn’t sure if she is intentionally being facetious or just trying to stave off the impending heavy conversation. Save for their short-lived moment at the airport, the conversations they’ve had since they walked towards her car have been surface-scratching.

“Ha, no, you’re right,” he hears himself saying, and feels more than sees Haewon’s turn towards him, and he knows she’s still wondering what exactly had precipitated this sudden acquiescence.

Perhaps it’s premature to discuss the lines that run deeper between them, Doyoung tells himself. After all, he did show up without a warning, and Haewon has never been good with surprises. But even amidst the chaos in his brain, there’s a thought that he can’t shake off, rattling in his head like an old screen door:

Because it is only then that something dawns on Doyoung - something he probably blanked out of his system and disregarded as an insecurity - that in the time Doyoung took to decide on his next move, Haewon could have changed her mind.

Thankfully, the conversation on the rest of the road - and even as they take the lift to her apartment - is free of hiccups. He tries to slip in the idea that this trip to visit her is to segue into a work trip he has to make to the New York headquarters,  to hopefully dispel any pressure she might be feeling upon his arrival. And it works - the conversation does become more casual. Doyoung learns that in the short span of a year, Haewon, expectedly, is doing well enough in her classes, has become more of a coffee addict than him, and has actually written a short story that earned the interest of local publishers. On the other end, Haewon learns that Doyoung has finally taken time off work and spent it with his family, and that his brother is getting married in the fall. She’s also really excited to hear that he’s painting again.

“That’s incredible, boss,” her smile is soft and genuine, “I’m so proud of you.”

Doyoung can’t stop the smile forming on his face, so he nods embarrassedly and looks away, turning his attention to her apartment around him, taking in his minimalist surroundings and the sleek modern furniture that greets him. On the left, there’s the closed door of what is presumably her bedroom, and on his right, a small study room with a clean but disorganized wooden desk, and he can make out the end of what he thinks is a blue sofa bed.

He wonders if there has been another man in her apartment before. It’s not out of jealousy, he tells himself, it’s not like I’m her boyfriend. It’s just… curiosity.

“Your walls are bare,” he comments offhandedly, and hears a chuckle escape her lips as she walks to his side.

“That’s the first thing you notice? I thought you’d definitely say something about my desk.”

“Well as it is, you’re markedly less organized than I’d thought.”

She makes a face. “Isn’t the lack of organization befitting of the starving artist trope?”

“Look at this place - you’re hardly starving.”

She bursts into a tiny fit of laughter, shrugging off her cropped denim jacket to reveal a casual burnt orange maxi dress.

“Fine, enough about my apartment. I know you’re a little jet lagged, but I made a reservation at this—”

And even though he feels the question rising in his chest, he doesn’t know what prompts him to say it, and when he does his voice has automatically lowered into a gentle timbre,

“Did you read the book I gave you?”

It’s a question he’s wanted to ask for a year now, when she’d texted him a simple ‘thank you for the book’ once she’d landed. The answer he’s waited for with bated breath, but by the look of her face right now, he feels like he shouldn’t have said anything at all.

He hears Haewon swallow abruptly, and then she’s removing the pencil holding her bun, her hair cascading over her shoulders.

She drops the pencil on the table next to her, and Doyoung is still waiting.

“I did.”

Her answer is as clear as day, but it isn’t a happy answer that greets Doyoung. Instead, in the aftermath of those two words, Doyoung isn’t sure how to continue.

“So you saw…”

“I did.”

“And when you texted me to say thanks, you knew—”

“I did,” Haewon lapses into a refrain she finds frustrating herself, but there is a form of resolution and collection in her voice, and her chin is lifted a little, as if daring him to say something, anything else.

They are rooted to where they stand for a long time, their eyes speaking the words their mouths are unable to say. Then Doyoung hears a buzz, and he thinks he’s imagined it, until the buzzing doesn’t stop and Haewon regretfully tears her eyes away from his and reaches for her phone on the table. She walks into her room as she picks up her phone, and Doyoung carries his luggage into the study, presumably where he would sleep for the rest of the trip.

His heart drums loudly in his ears as he thinks of the way her eyes had looked when he'd asked her about the book, and all he really wants to do is to pick that memory up and bury it deep in his chest, because only there would it not seem real.

He’s so deep in thought, he almost doesn’t see the images playing as a screensaver on her desktop, until there’s a photo that flits into the center of the screen, and his lungs are robbed of his breath.

It’s definitely developed from a film camera, the background dark and blur and almost Polaroid-like, undeniably taken on the night before she left.

They aren’t smiling to the camera in this photo, Haewon’s mouth is slightly open and she looks as if she's about to say something to the person behind the camera. Her hair is still dark, still straight, and she looks exhausted.

Right next to her is Doyoung himself, his arm around her shoulder and a glass of white wine in the same hand. He isn’t smiling, but he might as well be, looking at her with the softest expression he didn’t know his face could form.

So this is how he looks like when he looks at her, he thinks. He looks… happy.

Does she see it?

Then the image shrinks back into another one, which fades into another one, but Doyoung only looks up from the desktop when there’s a cough at the door.

“Hey,” Haewon’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes, but she tries to shrug it off as she drops her wallet into her bag, “we should go. I need to pick up something—”

“You’ve been calling me ‘boss’.”

“What?” Haewon looks up from her bag to meet Doyoung’s eyes, and watches as he gets up from his crouched position on the floor. The warmth of the late afternoon summer sun filters through the window of her study, but even as Doyoung gets up she can feel the sun against her, casting its golden hour rays onto the both of them and peeking from behind his shoulder.

“From the airport and then all the way here, you kept calling me ‘boss’, even though you are no longer working for me,” Doyoung says, his voice measured and low. “Is that what’s left of us?”

The smile on his face is tight, and as she tries her best to ignore the glare of the sun, Haewon can’t stop herself from asking the next question.

“Why’re you here, Doyoung?”

The diminishing glare of the sun still feels too bright for her, and Haewon finds herself dropping her gaze onto the neighbour’s balcony opposite the study.

“Why’re you really here, honestly?”

His smile falters, but it feels like he has lifted something off his chest when he says, “do you remember when you told me you didn’t want to like me?”

“That was a year ago…” And now her voice is cracking, loud and shaky, rising up into the huge space above them, “you still remember that?”

Doyoung still feels too far away.

“Have things changed?”

Haewon falls silent, choosing to focus her gaze on a pot of sunflower in her neighbour’s balcony instead. She’s wrestling with her feelings, desperately trying to keep the very potent – and yet very tenuous - glimmer of hope (that she doesn’t want to admit still exists) from being unearthed again.

“Because I hope they haven’t. And not just that, I want you to be okay with liking me. So then maybe…” he bites his lip, taking one step towards her, “it’ll be okay for me to like you too.”

“Doyoung…” And suddenly all she can see is Doyoung, as his eyes sparkle with a desire that has been displaced for too long.

“I should never have let you say those words. I should have told you how much you make me feel, how in love I am with you, how I never want to lose you, the night before you left. But I couldn’t, I just kept thinking… I’ve missed my chance, and now I can’t stop her from leaving.

“I used to think that what Johnny was always expounding – the concept of ‘the one’ – was just over-glorified. That soulmates were a myth, there are only people who are more compatible for each other. And I still don’t know if that’s true, but from the moment I met you, there has been an insistence in me that was never really there before.”

Haewon can feel her face contort, and she doesn’t stop the tears from falling this time.

“You knew that if you had asked me to stay, I would’ve-”

“I know, I know.” Doyoung’s hands are cupped against her face, brushing the tears away with his thumbs, “But I couldn’t let you do that. This was your shot. I couldn’t bring myself to take it away from you.”

“But now,” he drops his hands and laces their fingers together, “I’m taking mine.”

“Could you give me a chance to love you?”

She looks up at him, taking in the line of his chin, his eyes and long lashes, the way his fingers are brushing a bit of her hair off her face, entwining themselves in the strands there. So nearby now, after the distance before. But he is here, and this is all that matters to her as she wraps her arms around his shoulders and buries her face in the crook of his neck.

“I never needed a dramatic love declaration,” she says between sobs against his neck, “I never needed you to fly all the way here to ask me to be with you. I just needed to know that you were willing to take a chance with me.”

She feels a kiss against her temple, and shuts her eyes as she relishes in the warmth of his embrace.

“Thank you for waiting,” he whispers into her ear. “From now on, let me be the one to take care of you.”

They have a long way to go, so many things to work out, but for now, Haewon thinks, this is enough.

//

w/n: and that’s all she wrote. :-)

it got cheesy at the end - oops. as usual my stories are always a cringefest (like are we even surprised lmao no) alsO i still have no idea how to end fics, hence.

i recently read from an interview that Doyoung said that an action that could possibly make him fall for someone (i think?) is that which makes him feel like they’re taking care of him. it made the crybaby cry. long story short it gave me so much DOFEELS - i had to write it in. he’s so cool I’m so done

just wanted to say i’m so thankful for the support that has been given to this short story, it really means a lot as this is the first one i’ve written on tumblr, hopefully there are more to come but for now, this is it. thank you!

COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED :-) ask

[abigailnussbaum]

The Boys - Good & Bad

Being an itemized list of the strengths and weaknesses of the first season Amazon’s superhero show The Boys, based on the comic run of the same name by Garth Ennis, which I haven’t read.

GOOD:

The show looks good.  It’s not tremendously visually inventive on the level of, say, Legion or Doom Patrol, but it’s got a definite style, and not just in the action scenes.  The stagings pop, the street scenes look crisp and interesting, the boardroom scenes take advantage of the set designers’ inventiveness.  There’s the requisite loss of saturation once our two main characters lose their respective love interests, but it’s not color-graded out of existence, the way a lot of other shows trying to evoke masculine despondency do.  A “gritty”, laddish superhero show conjures up certain expectations where visuals are concerned, and The Boys exceeds them at almost every turn.

There are actual episodes!  With beginnings and endings and common themes!  I had no idea streaming shows could still do that, but The Boys is really good at finding mini-stories within its overarching plot and structuring its episodes around them (which should be a basic implement in a TV writer’s toolkit and instead has all-but disappeared).  Episode 2 is about the Boys realizing how screwed they are by having captured a nearly-unkillable superhero who has seen their faces, and trying to figure out a way to kill him.  Episode 5 is structured around Annie and Hughie’s visit to a superhero-themed Christian revivalist festival.  It gives the entire season a more engaging structure, and pulls you along with the story in a way that most streaming shows don’t even attempt.

There are some genuinely clever worldbuilding choices that emerge from the “what if superheroes, but awful” premise.  The fact that superheroes star in their own movies, for example, or that their power competitions become major sporting events, is hilarious, and perfectly conveys the sense of moral bankruptcy that I think the show is going for.  And the crossover the show posits between superhero worship and white Evangelicalism is an obvious and perfect fit, tying into the latter’s barely-concealed love of power and authoritarianism.  Also, there are some inventive demonstrations of how combining superpowers, limited intelligence, and corporate greed can lead to horrifying results, some funny - The Deep trying to rescue a dolphin from captivity - and some genuinely gutting - the plane crash scene in episode 4 is the queasy highlight of the season, as the viewer realizes just a few seconds before the characters do just how badly they’ve screwed up, and how horrible their future choices are going to have to be.

The cast is uniformly excellent, and pretty much everyone gets a lot of different layers to play.  The highlights are Elisabeth Shue, Erin Moriarty, Jessie T. Usher, and Tomer Capon (bit of hometown pride here, but it’s easy to see why he’s such a well-regarded young actor in Israel), but pretty much everyone is good and interesting to watch.  Even Karl Urban, who gets the show’s most thankless task - he has to carry most of the story while playing its least nuanced character - manages to infuse some humor and complexity into Billy.

There are a lot of interesting, complex relationships, the top one being Homelander and Madeline Stillwell.  As a character says near the end of the season, it’s a relationship that is “hard to quantify” - does he want to fuck her, or kill her, or be her child?  Does she want to control him or does she genuinely get off on his desire for her?  Other relationships are less fraught - Frenchie and Kimiko are incredibly sweet together - but still a lot of fun to watch.

The show seems to understand that at the root of almost every villain, and certainly privileged ones, is childishness.  You see this in the way The Deep sinks into self-pity after experiencing the consequences of his sexual assault on Annie, or the way A-Train becomes obsessed with blaming Hughie for his girlfriend’s death, even though he’s the one who killed her.  You see it most of all in Homelander’s resentment of Madeline’s baby and the attention she lavishes on it.  It’s simply stunning how openly envious this grown man is of a months-old infant, and it makes every scene the two share almost unbearably tense, because you’re just waiting for Homelander to snap and kill the baby.  Which ends up much more effectively conveying the point the show is trying to make than the sudden shock of him actually doing it would have - the fact that this character would clearly feel themselves justified in killing an infant, and is only holding back because he knows there’ll be a fuss, is the sum total of the show’s criticism of absolute power.

(This emphasis also justifies the show’s insistence that Hughie is redeemable, because though he starts out quite immature, he does grow, unlike the superpowered villains.  He starts the season killing a super who hasn’t really done anything to him, just for the rush of it, and ends it saving the life of the super whose selfishness destroyed his world, because he’s actually realized that his are not the only problems that matter.)

Someone seems to have realized that having a female (Asian) character whose name is simply The Female is an absolutely terrible idea, and the show gives her a name as soon as possible.  There’s also hints that she may be regaining the power of speech.

BAD:

The use of violence - and particularly sexual violence - against women ends up privileging men, even when those men are the perpetrators.  Both Hughie and Billy are motivated by the loss of the women they loved, and in both cases the show plumps for the classic approach of single scene featuring the love interest being angelic, and doesn’t bother to shade either of them in or give them a personality or a chance to speak on their own behalf.  And even when the victim is a main character, as when The Deep assaults Annie, the focus is much more on him than on her.  Annie processes her trauma in a scene and a half, and it ends up being folded into her overall dilemma over how to be a superhero.  Whereas the Deep spends the rest of the season coping with the consequences of his actions and folding them into his general lack of self-esteem.  While there’s the germ of an important point there - just because this guy has problems of his own doesn’t justify his assault on another person or make him particularly tragic or compelling - the show’s insistence on going back to that well, even as the season approaches its climax, is simply baffling.

This feels, in fact, like a smaller component of the show’s broader problem with sexual ethics, the fact that it seems to have no way of distinguishing between sexual behavior is depraved, and sexual behavior that is just weird or maybe a bit kinky.  Like, the fact that the Deep has consensual sex with dolphins is not worse than, or even equivalent to, the fact that he assaulted Annie.  The fact that Homelander prematurely ejaculates when he and Madeline have sex isn’t a worse reflection on his character than the fact that he may have raped Billy’s wife.  And yet those cases are treated as equivalent by the narrative.  It ends up feeling profoundly anti-sex, rather than anti-sexual-violence, an impression that is only intensified when Annie and Hughie - the show’s sole “good”, loving couple - have sex that is completely vanilla (and despite Hughie’s earlier assurances that he isn’t intimidated by Annie’s strength, he still ends up being the dominant one in bed, and she even lets him be on top).  It also prevents the show from any serious discussion of the one aspect of sexuality that is unique to its setting, the possibility of supers inadvertently hurting their human partners.  The scene in which Popclaw crushes a man’s head between her thighs is the nadir of the season precisely because it’s played for laughs, for that “aren’t we outrageous” vibe that everyone told me the comic was suffused with.  When actually you could do something interesting and character-based with it, if the show actually cared to.

(Having said all this, I do think that the show is a lot better on the subject of sexual violence than it could have been, and a lot better than the source material might have dictated.  It feels significant that - with the exception of the aforementioned Popclaw scene - we never see any act of sexual assault on screen.  We see Homelander and the Deep scoping out their victims, Rebecca Butcher and Annie, and maneuvering them into a position of vulnerability.  And we see the aftermath of the assault for both victims.  But we don’t see the act itself, in a series that is otherwise perfectly happy to depict consensual sex, even if it judges anything resembling kink.  I also thought the handling of Queen Maeve, as a woman who has lived for years under a sustained campaign of sexual harassment, was extremely powerful - again, the focus is on how the abuse twists the victim up and makes them feel powerless and alone, not on any overt act of violence.)

I really don’t get why I’m meant to care about Billy Butcher.  It’s not even that I don’t like him - I just find him completely uninteresting.  He works as an engine of plot and a way to inject chaos into the other characters’ lives (the repeated device in which he authoritatively promises to solve the team’s problems, only for the show to cut away to him alone, wearing an expression that makes it clear that he has no idea what to do and is about to make everything worse, is pretty funny and effective).  But as a character in his own right and with his own story, he just feels too one-note and monomaniacal for me to care about.  I care what happens to MM and Frenchie and Kimiku and Annie and Maeve.  I even care a little what happens to Hughie.  I simply can’t bring myself to give a fuck about Billy.

I don’t see why I should be rooting for Hughie and Annie to make it work.  It’s great that he feels she helped him rediscover his moral compass, but in the meantime he lied to her, used her, and concealed the fact that he had murdered one of her teammates from her.  Annie has the right of it when she hears his confession and replies “the thing is, I don’t care”.  It would be one thing if their reconciliation at the end of the season was more of an ethical one, a case of Annie choosing to rescue Hughie and the Boys because she knows they don’t deserve to die, not because she forgives him.  But I got the impression that we were meant to read it as a romantic reconciliation too, which Hughie hasn’t even come close to earning.

If you must have interchangeable Middle Eastern terrorists as your go-to, killable background villains, doesn’t it seem obvious that there should be at least a few positive, named Middle Eastern characters in the foreground?  (I suppose Frenchie might count?  But given Capon’s heritage, he could just as easily be a Sepharadic Jew, which doesn’t really avoid the problem of Islamophobia that the show cheerfully blunders into.)

The plot kind of loses the thread towards the end of the season, partly, I suspect, because of the need to set up characters and plot points for season 2.  It’s a particular shame because the plotting had been so strong in the first half of the season.

The sound mix is terrible.  It should tell you something that I even noticed this and worked out the right term to use for it, because I’m usually completely illiterate on these matters.  But after the millionth time you’ve had to raise the volume during a dialogue scene, then immediately lower it during an action scene, you start to wonder if there isn’t something wrong.

Overall, this is a much smarter, more interesting, and more entertaining show than discussions of the comic had led me to expect, but I can’t help but wonder if it isn’t benefitting from the fact that we’re so saturated with superhero stories right now.  There’s less pressure to be the one subversive superhero story, which leaves The Boys room to be more character-focused, and to use superheroes as more of a metaphor for the corrupting influence of power and the evil of corporate overreach.  Its supers feel a lot more like generic celebrities - A-Train is an anxiety-ridden athlete; Annie is a pageant kid; Maeve is an aging movie star whose career and soul have been blighted by ubiquitous sexual harassment.  Characters who are genuinely set apart by their superpowers, like Homelander, are in the minority (and even in Homelander’s case it turns out his psychopathy has more to do with having been raised in a lab).  

Basically it feels like the people who adapted the comic saved it by telling a story that is much more generic than the original, which may be entirely to the good.  But I do wonder whether the second season won’t veer further into exactly those parts of the show that I find least interesting.  The final scene seems to suggest much more of an emphasis on Billy’s manpain and his conflict with Homelander, and the introduction of superpowered terrorists threatens to move the show away from the criticism of power that made the first season work.

[troominmoll]

"i feel like being bitter and listing off all the things that the 90s show changed about the original stories" as a relative newcomer to moomin-related stuff, i'm curious... what *did* the 90s show change??

*rubs hands because I love being insufferable*  

(Minor disclaimer that this is mostly done in good nature. I understand almost every show that is adapted from existing content is gonna change stuff to suit their story-telling needs. But I am annoyed that some who praise the 90s anime think the new series is bad simply for doing things differently when that show, and nearly every one prior to it, has also put their own spin on things.)

There are 24 episodes of Tanoshii Moomin Ikka (plus a movie) based on the books by Tove Jansson, and I think 11 based on the comic strips she wrote. It would take a long time to cover every single detail in every single episode, so I am mainly going to discuss those that have changes I find more significant, disappointing, personally distressing, or just plain baffling.

(A second disclaimer: I have not read any entire comic stories past the point where Tove stopped working on them. There are some episodes based on strips created exclusively by her brother Lars, The Vampire and Artists in Moominvalley being two examples. I will be skipping those, as well as Bouken Nikki episodes, as I have yet to thoroughly watch each one on account of so few being based on Tove’s work and the headaches they induce lmao. Nitpicks from fans who have read Lars’ strips in full are welcome.)

Now without further ado, let the fussing begin~

01 Spring in Moominvalley: This follows the basic storyline from the first two chapters of Finn Family, but with some notable changes. Snufkin at this point woke up from hibernation along with the rest of the family, Little My had yet to be introduced, and Snork - a child like the rest of the main cast - lived with his sister and the rest of the kids in the Moominhouse. The entire subplot of him being an inventor is merely an invention of the anime.

Moomintroll, in the book, spends a lot more time in transformed body. As he believes his friends are playing a new game when they fail to recognize him, he makes up a story about being “The King of California”. He repeatedly pretends to insult Moomin (himself), and in a touching display of devotion his own friends beat him up to defend his honour.

02 The Magic Hat: Continuing on with a scene based on the later half of chapter 2, we see Moomin rescue Snorkmaiden from the Ant Lion, and along with Snufkin, decide to trap him in the magical hat. In the original story however, Moomin and Snork trap the him. This was rather unprovoked, though Moomin cites a moment from a previous book (read all about it in The Moomins and the Great Flood!) where the Ant Lion allegedly kicked sand in Mamma’s eyes. The gang then takes the hat back inside for more “experiments”, and after making a mess, the adults decide it best to dispose of the hat in the river.

Much like in the story, the hat is soon recovered by Moomin and Snufkin, though a chapter where they hide it in a cave and and end up frightening the Muskrat (who uses it as a shelf for his dentures) is absent. It then continues to the scene where Moominhouse is briefly overgrown with plants. Aside from this happening sooner than it did in the book, and the premature appearance of the Hobgoblin, and the missing Mameluke hunt, and the part where all the children play in the jungle, I think it’s pretty true to that chapter!

03 Discovery of a Wrecked Ship:  First off, I wanna say I’m mostly including this episode on my list just to make it clear that Snufkin’s random sexist comments towards Snorkmaiden and Little My are missing from the book. There is a chapter where him and Moomin go ambling up some rocks, but “the girls” are thankfully absent from this scene.

So then they discover an abandoned boat and the rest of the episode is padded with scenes where they repair it. A charming spectacle, I’m sure, but also absent from the book as the boat they find is already in pristine condition. Shame that Snufkin never got to share his idea for the ship’s name, (it was Lurking Wolf aha ha ha) but that might be for the best.

07 The Suitcase: As seen in episode 06, Thingumy and Bob arrived in Moominvalley. They bring with them stolen goods and and the mother of Grimace, who seeks to recover said goods. Snufkin, once again letting everyone down, decides that a gentle female should speak to them about the contents of their suitcase and soon Snorkmaiden is assigned to the task. Instead the book features a trial sequence, which really helps hammer in the metaphor. Everyone takes part and Sniff acts as prosecutor of behalf of the Groke, who appears and is willing to trade the treasure in exchange for the magical top hat (NOT a pretty scallop).

08 The Hobgoblin’s Magic: Moomin hears that his wondrous wooden woman has washed up on the shores of Moominvalley. But when he rushes to the beach, he finds nothing but sand and disappointment waiting for him. This sends him spiraling into a brief yet no less deep depression which is cured only when Thingumy and Bob share their contents of their secret suitcase. The novel was much more reasonable however. He was saddened by the loss of Snufkin who had skipped the valley for the first time, promising (as we all know) to return on the first day of Spring.

And then there is a fabulous summer party thrown by the family after the recovery of Moominmamma’s handbag. This part is true to the story, at the very least. But the party in the book is much more fantastical, with dancing, music (from America of all places), punch served in darling sea shells, and everyone - right down to the tiniest forest critter - is invited, and gets to make a wish when the magic man arrives. 

09 An Invisible Friend / 10 The Invisible Child: I wouldn’t say that these episodes, featuring the famous character from Tales of Moominvalley, have any life-ruining changes from the original story. But since no episode is complete without a bit of drama, or a pointless cameo from Snufkin, a scene where Stinky traps Ninny with the intention of having her assist in his robberies has been written in. And Little My’s comment regarding the aunt in the English dub, where she states “I hope you told her she hurt Ninny’s feelings!” seems uncharacteristically gentle in comparison to her asking if Too-Ticky “bashed her head in”.

13 The Last Dragon on Earth: As mentioned in the entry above, some episodes will include new subplots or elements for the sake of drama and action. This episode is another example of that, but otherwise it has only minor tweaks. Snufkin states that “the cards” have told him he should leave Moominvalley early if he catches x number of such-and-such a fish, but that storyline is exclusive to this show.

14 Our Neighbor is a Touch Teacher: This episode is based on snippets of the comic strip “Moominmamma’s Maid”, but scraps the storyline containing the titular character from the strip, which is nearly all of it. Instead, it is entirely focused on the Moomin’s new neighbor, Mrs Fillyjonk, a strict and uptight mother of three.

After the Moomin’s welcome party leaves Mrs Fillyjonk fearing for her life, she forbids her children from playing with the Moomin brood. They sneak away anyway. A bunch of death defying stunts happen, courtesy of Stinky. Mrs Fillyjonk plans to leave the valley, but the kids have none of that. This is almost an original story, save for the existence of a party.

16 A Close Encounter with Aliens: Once again we have an episode based on the comics. It follows the basic plotline of the Moomins caring for a stranded Martian child.  But a lot of wackiness was cut for time, including invisible Moomins pranking valley residents, a flying fire brigade, and Moomin shrinking down with Mamma, who later bites a Fillyjonk child. Time used for an inserted chase scene with Stinky (one of many across the tv series) feels could’ve been better spent on some of the fun stuff mentioned in my previous sentence.

17 A Change of Air: And yet another comic-based episode, this one taken from “Moomin and Family Life”, which happens to be my personal favourite comic so this analysis may sound bitterer than others. The episode cuts the beginning of the strip, where we see a lonely parent-less Moomin contemplate suicide before being reunited with his long lost Moominmamma and Moominpappa. The comic is a completely different entity from the books and adjustments must be made, so this decision is understandable. But the following choice? Less so.

The episode instead starts with Pappa complaining that nothing exciting ever happens, and I won’t remind him of the events from episode 16 because everyone brings that up. Stinky overhears plans of doing something to entertain him, and during the night makes a set of giant footprints leading to the sea. Whereas in the comic strip, the “giant” prints are innocently left by Snufkin who was wearing boot too big for he gotdamn feet. He nearly perishes for this grave mistake.

Strips where Moominmamma and Moominpappa hang out in a cave, Moomin sheds a few tears tears, and Snufkin offers some half hearted words of comfort provide a basis for following scenes in the episode. But antics with Moomin and friends trying to foil Aunt Jane, who angrily travelled to the Moominhouse after being pranked by Pappa, are sadly missing. 

24 Hurry Up Snufkin: The part where Snufkin meets and later names the forest creature Teetywoo, is based on the short story “The Spring Tune”. There are many potential gripes one can have about such a brief scene.

A lot of the dialogue between the two characters reflects what is said in the short story, but what the episode sorely lacks are Snufkin’s feelings. Gone are his shouts and snaps, his grumpiness about being disturbed, his regret when he lashes out, his desperation to find Teetywoo again. His famous line “I’ll come when it suits me” is “cried violently”, making me wonder how it ever became an inspirational quote (oh wait I know). In favour of portraying Snufkin as cool and chill, the anime sometimes ends up making him look more like an emotionless bump on a log.

The plotline of Snufkin being late to return because he is trying to compose a new song has been cut, on account of either his lack of talent or lack of music budgeting.

25 The Lighthouse / 26 The Day the Lighthouse Lit Up: These episodes actually combine elements of two different stories: the comic strip “Moomin and the Sea”, and the similarly titled novel “Moominpappa at Sea”. Lacking most of the typical shenanigans from the strips, or bleak themes from the book, these episodes feel more like a slightly above-average family outing.

The episodes seems to lean more towards the comic, where Moominpappa takes on the job of lighthouse keeper as inspiration for his writing, and Moomin is terrorised by an equally frightened ghost. Too-Ticky unfortunately is missing from the episodes, alone with the scenes where she shares some spooky suggestions with the spectre, and where Snorkmaiden fakes her own drowning to help Moomin feel brave. 

Borrowing from the books, we meet both the former lighthouse keeper and a little boy named Toft, who apparently got very lost on his way to auditions for a “Moominvalley in November” episode. The episode scraps the element from the book of Moominpappa making the entire family miserable because he has some deluded fantasy about protecting and providing for them on his own, as well as a heart wrenching subplot involving the Groke, which I will not spoil for those considering reading it. But know this: there will be tears. 

28 The Floating Theatre / 29 The Lost Children / 30 Midsummer: This three-parter is based on “Moominsummer Madness”, which is kind of an interesting book. Taking place smack dab in the middle of the series, we see it move away from the more lighthearted tones of the early stories, and begin the shift towards the less fantastical and more serious themes of the later books. But it isn’t quite there yet. And being written around the time Tove still worked on the comic series, some parts of the book would not seem out of place if drawn in her strips.

The most noticeably difference between the original story and anime episodes is the change of the cast. With the number of characters and subplots happening at once in the book, it was inevitable that some unlucky sod would get scrapped from the story - three sods in fact, by the names of Mymble, Misabel, and Whomper. Sniff is inserted into the story, and references to Mr Fillyjonk, the stage manager and Emma’s late husband, are removed. 

Snufkin and My’s subplot is changed and cut quite short, beginning with the element of the two not knowing each other. His assault on the park keeper seems to be done for the sake of rescuing the children more or less imprisoned in the park, but book Snufkin simply took joy in breaking the law. The episode lacks great scenes of him trying to take care of the 24 little children; doing things like making silly noises, threatening to drown himself, and exposing them to second hand smoke. 

With a small handful of characters missing, the plot of the play Moominpappa writes greatly differs from the book. And say goodbye to the ending chapter, where the reunited Moomin family flees the police and gets chased all the way back to Moominvalley. 

45 Moomin Builds a House: This episode is based on the comic of the same title. Although it cuts the story quite short, what is left in is relatively close to the original. Except for the insertion of Snufkin, but I am not offended because that adorable laugh made his appearance worthwhile.

59, 63, 68 Adventures of Moominpappa: And here we get to the episodes based on “The Exploits of Moominpappa”. The first few changes I’d like to point out are a little less notable. As Mrs Fillyjonk was already more established in the show, the Hemulen aunt becomes a Fillyjonk. Edward is a silent character, the Nibling child that Pappa and co look after is absent, and everyone gets real ugly colour palettes. 

Next, as you may know, the original books don’t really follow a solid timeline and canon changes in between stories. So in an attempt to make more sense, the young Mymble that Moomin meets is Little My’s mother, rather than her sister. But strangely, Moominpappa’s other friends are no longer the parents of Sniff and Snufkin. Why those two were still so enraptured by listening to his story is unclear.

Comet in Moominland: Finishing off the list is a movie based on the story of the same name. Being the first in what is considered the “main” book series, there are bound to be differences in how characters are written. But there is no difference here more worth talking about than Snufkin.

As I’ve already mentioned before, he is portrayed in the anime as more relaxed. He is the older and most mature member of Moomin’s group of friends, and tends to be reserved in expressing his emotions. For the sake of presenting Snufkin as a responsible figure, he never teaches the gang his favourite game: rolling boulders down cliffs, an activity which almost results in multiple casualties. We never hear his story about disrespecting a police officer, and his subsequent prison break.

But Snufkin in the earlier books is very much a child like the rest of the main cast. He is playful and talkative, being described as bringing “gaiety” to their adventure, and is always thrilling his friends with epic tales from his travels. He is not shy about expressing himself, he is shown to have some sadness about having no parents and cries his wee heart out upon sees the dried up ocean.

Other changes may seem more innocuous by comparison, snipping a party scene and river raft ride, and including Little My. But with the lack of a noticeable personality for a key character, and some of the action scenes, much of the movie just feels like a boring hike home.

~

In short, yeah. As you can see I’m pretty passionate on this subject, especially when it comes to Snufkin’s characterisation. Anyone who wishes to discourse Moomins with me is welcome.  

[princess-of-france]

VIOLA (Bardic Asks)

❤️ why I love this character

Frankly, it would be easier for me to list the things I DON’T love about Viola. I’ve directed Twelfth Night, I’ve dramaturged it, and I’ve cut the script a few different times for various theater companies. 

And god help me, I just can’t get enough of this girl. 

(And yes, I personally headcanon Viola as a woman who cross-dresses out of sheer necessity, but I fully appreciate the spectrum of diverse and valid interpretations of [her] gender.)

My tag for her on Tumblr comes from the film, Shakespeare in Love, when Will [Shakespeare] finally sits down to preserve his lost love in ink: “...for she will be my heroine for all time, and her name will be Viola.”

Viola is clever, brave, astute, poetic, adventurous, earnest, playful, generous, and unbelievably resilient.

She’s also clumsy and awkward and lonely and scared and grieving and displaced and heart-shredded.

She’s fiercely loyal to the memory of her brother, she loves Orsino — despite all his flaws — with all her soul, she discerns the proper cocktail of humor, honesty, and empathy to win Olivia’s good will, she can hold her own in a jest-off with Feste, she embraces the quintessential mania of Illyria, and she’s committed to carving a life for herself out of near-impossible circumstances.

Washed up on a foreign shore as an unmarried young woman, suffering from trauma and the loss of her beloved brother, and what does Viola do?

She grabs a coat, makes an ally, and heads off to make her way in the world.

A heroine for all time.

💙 why I hate this character

There is nothing to hate.

⁉️ what initially drew me to this character

“Conceal me what I am, and be my aid For such disguise as haply shall become The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke: Thou shall present me as an eunuch to him: It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing And speak to him in many sorts of music That will allow me very worth his service. What else may hap to time I will commit; Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.”

^^^^ This (1.2.) is her response to being shipwrecked on an unfamiliar beach, with no money, family, food, friends, or proper clothing. Like...what an Icon.

💕 who do I think this character is in love with (if anyone) and why

As a director (and an ex-actor), I believe in believing characters. Viola tells us, vehemently, that she is in love with Orsino in 1.4, and her every subsequent thought and action corroborates that love. 

That’s not to say that she doesn’t come to share a unique, unexpected, and wonderful bond with Olivia, but I really do cherish the love story between Viola and her foolish, melodramatic, Byronic duke. She teaches Orsino to think of women as people, with the same extraordinary capacity for love, grief, and outrage as men. And he, in turn, makes her bolder, brighter, and better at advocating for herself. 

Their impossibly charged debate about the nature of love in 2.4 (following on the heels of Feste’s devastating song and gorgeous sendoff) is honestly one of the greatest scenes Shakespeare ever wrote. It gives me chills every single time I read it. 

“She pined in thought, And with a green and yellow melancholy She sat like patience on a monument, Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?”

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 what do I think this character’s feelings about their family are

Viola & Sebastian are Sibling Goals and I will fight anyone who says otherwise

🕰 what do I think this character enjoys doing in their free time

Baking! I can so easily picture Vi in Orsino’s kitchens, making some incredibly elaborate, triple-layer cake for no other reason than she’s been craving chocolate lately.

👿 who does this character hate more than anyone else

For most of Twelfth Night, I think Viola really hates God. I think she blames God for causing the thunderstorm that cracked her ship in two and cost her darling Sebastian his life. 

When I directed Twelfth, I had a few discussions about this with the actress playing Viola. Together, we decided that Viola’s obsession with Time, as the great entity of change, was a signal that she was choosing, for the first time in her life, to put her trust into some deity OTHER than God. Because God had let her down.

🌈 what is their relationship like with their romantic partner(s) 

Viola and Orsino are both giddy, word-obsessed bisexual nerds of the highest order. I think they spend almost all their time in the library. And they have competitions to see who can learn more in less time.

🌕 happy headcanon

Viola and Sebastian always give each other gifts on their birthday. Always. Every year. Even though everyone else thinks it’s absurd. Each twin always wants to celebrate the other. That’s just their way.

🌑 sad headcanon

Their father was sick for months before he passed away, but the twins didn’t know it. The doctors wanted him to tell Sebastian, seeing as how Sebastian is his heir, but their father refused, because he knew full well that Seb would inevitably tell Vi anything he found out. 

Thus, their father’s death was a tragic shock. They were completely unprepared for it.

📂 random/obscure headcanon

Viola’s Bavarian-born governess taught her how to sing and play instruments, back when Vi was very small. Her mother died giving birth to premature twins, so Viola’s only real maternal figure was her governess, whom she loved dearly. Her childhood was awash with music.

📱favorite/personal modern interpretation

So many fantastic actresses throughout history have played Viola. I take my hat off to ALL of them.

Anne Hathaway’s crystalline Vi in the Delacorte Theater’s Twelfth Night is a particular fave, however.

(Shakespeare in the Park // 2009 production // dir. Daniel Sullivan)

📺 favorite film interpretation

Amanda Bynes as Viola Hastings in She’s the Man.

It doesn’t get much better. Or funnier.

🎻 a song I associate with this character

“Hero” by Regina Spektor

📕 my ideal epilogue for this character (if they survived)

THANK GOD SHAKESPEARE WROTE A COMEDY

(I mean, I acknowledge that this play is quite melancholy and ends on a desperately ambivalent note, but still. Viola very much lives. And gets reunited with her brother. And gets to marry the love of her life. #goodforher)

📗 what I think would’ve happened to this character if they HAD survived

Viola is the lifeblood of her play. To kill her off would be to kill the story.

Shakespeare was no dummy. He knew that. Bless.

@thelibraryiscool

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 28/11/2020

Huh... I expected a busier week this week but I probably got what was ahead of me just a bit earlier this week instead of anything that feels contemporary or currently relevant. I mean, yes, we do have three top 10 debuts but that’s as far as our stories go in terms of the big singles and albums I expected to have some kind of less muted impact on the chart. The big issue here is that I didn’t consider how much of a chaotic mess 2020 has been, so people really want to get straight to the festivities, if you catch my drift. Hence, with four weeks until Christmas, and a Christmas that for a lot of people will be a lot different thanks to you-know-what, we have a lot more of the holiday stuff crashing in earlier and harder than I or anyone expected. It’s still November, guys, calm down. Anyway, Ariana Grande’s “positions” spends a fifth week at #1 and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

As always, here’s a brief rundown of what’s going on. Most of this rundown for the UK Top 75 will be holiday music, so I might as well run through the returning entries and climbers first. We have “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #72, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #69, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by WIzzard at #61, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #55, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee at #52, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John at #49, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #46, “HOLIDAY” by Lil Nas X up to #42 off of the debut, the horribly racist and despicably awful “Do they Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid at #38, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #35, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens at #33 and then some big gains for the Christmas songs that were already here, like “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring the late Kirsty MacColl at #26 having the biggest rise of the week (there’s always controversy surrounding that song each year so it tends to surge high – also it’s an incredible song), “Last Christmas” by WHAM! at #20 and “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey already up to #14. That doesn’t mean there weren’t other gains and returning entries of course, in fact, we have some big ones, those being “Plugged in Freestyle” by Fumez the Engineer and A92 inexplicably making its way up to #39 because Irish drill is always good for the holidays I suppose. Speaking of drill, “Whoopty” by CJ is at #12 and “Loading” by Central Cee is at #34. “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd also enjoyed continued gains up to #24. Thanks to BTS releasing their umpteenth album Be, the lead single “Dynamite” is back at #37 – more on them later. Oddly, thanks to the PlayStation 5 of all things, “Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)” by Post Malone and Swae Lee returns to #30. I mean, okay, sure, it could be a worse song at that spot. Naturally, however, we have some big fallers and drop-outs because of this, so I’ll list them off starting with the fallers. Nothing survives Christmas music, and especially with UK chart rules, streaming cuts and a BTS album, everyone suffers, but especially hip-hop and R&B. In no particular categories, here’s our mish-mash of fallers: “Lemonade” by Internet Money featuring Don Toliver, Gunna and NAV at #22, “Giants” by Dermot Kennedy at #28, “What You Know Bout Love” by Pop Smoke at #29, “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra at #31, “UFO” by D-Block Europe featuring Aitch at #32. “Holy” by Justin Bieber and Chance the Rapper at #40, “WAP” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion at #41, “Princess Cuts” by Headie One featuring Young T & Bugsey at #43, “Looking for Me” by Paul Woodford, Diplo and Kareen Lomax at #45, “Lasting Lover” by Sigala and James Arthur at #47, “Come Over” by Rudimental featuring Anne-Marie and Tion Wayne at #50, “Ain’t it Different” by Headie One featuring AJ Tracey and Stormzy at #51, “Holiday” by Little Mix at #53 (Wrong type of holiday), “Chingy (It’s Whatever)” by Digga D at #54, “Come Over” by Jorja Smith featuring Popcaan at #56, “Tick Tock” by Clean Bandit featuring Mabel and 24kGoldn at #57, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI at #58, “One Too Many” by Keith Urban and P!nk at #59, Jason Derulo’s “Take You Dancing” and “Savage Love (Laxed – Siren Beat)” with Jawsh 685 at #60 and #62 respectively, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles at #64, “Mood Swings” by the late Pop Smoke featuring Lil Tjay at #67, “Deluded” by Tion Wayne and MIST at #68, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #70, “Lighter” by Nathan Dawe and KSI at #71, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #73, “Papi Chulo” by Octavian and Skepta at #74, and “Confetti” by Little Mix at #75. Honestly, I can’t find much to complain about here, other than maybe “Lemonade” or “Princess Cuts”, but a lot of these were either some of the biggest hits of the year or just songs hurt prematurely by the festive season. Oh, and there’s also drop-outs from the UK Top 75 ranging in degrees of importance. Here’s just the notable ones: “Straight Murder (Giggs & David)” by Giggs featuring Dave, “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac, “Stop Crying Your Heart Out” by BBC Children in Need off the top 10 debut last week and some over major hits from the Autumn-Winter season in 2020, like “Put Your Records On” by Ritt Momney, “Daisy” by Ashnikko, “For the Night” by the late Pop Smoke featuring Lil Baby and DaBaby, “Laugh Now Cry Later” by Drake featuring Lil Durk and three genuinely massive #1 hits and songs that will represent 2020 on a wider historical scale: “ROCKSTAR” by DaBaby featuring Roddy Ricch after 31 weeks, “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi after 52 weeks and finally, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I after 67 weeks. Okay, so “ROCKSTAR” is the only good song there but I’ll talk about these tracks in my end-of-year lists, if those happen. Now we’ve gotten through all of that, let’s discuss our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#66 – “Blue & Grey” – BTS

Produced by Ji Soo Park, Levi, V and Hiss Noise

No, I haven’t listened to that new BTS record, even if it’s just six new songs, “Dynamite” and a skit. I don’t mind BTS or K-pop as a whole but I do like my pop music with a bit of personality that I find a lot of these idol groups kind of lack. That doesn’t mean they can’t have infectious and good songs, however, and that also doesn’t mean that they can’t display actual emotion because this song is directly about anxiety, depression and especially artist burn-out, which is a topic of all bands BTS should know well. Reading the English-translated lyrics, despite a clear language barrier, some of these lyrics are pretty poetic and I do like the use of colour imagery. Some of the lyrics seem odd, probably because if I were a Korean speaker I’d pick it up more naturally, but SUGA’s first verse is pretty concise and effective, using this metaphor of a blue question mark over his head, and J-Hope gets into some unexpected biblical territory and goes on this admittedly emo-pop trajectory that I kind of vibe with. The song itself is actually less sonically interesting than I expected, being a mostly melancholic acoustic guitar-based ballad that sure, has some pretty nice acoustic pick-ups, but doesn’t really lay an interesting enough foundation in the verses for them to flow over, especially with the awkward 808 bass and strings that are honestly a lot prettier than any of the instruments further to the front of mix. The boys sound mostly fine, and the chorus is really nicely sung, but J-Hope’s aggressive delivery and charismatic inflections, as well as some clever mixing, make his verse the clear stand-out here, at least in my opinion. For what it is, this is a damn good attempt at tackling these subjects to a young audience and I respect it, even if its meaning gets lost in imagery and could be a bit skewed thanks to how the song’s written. Otherwise, yeah, this is nice.

#65 – “Move On” – Lil Tjay

Produced by Avery on the Beat

You know, it’s odd that we have such scattered new arrivals this week and they all seem to be concentrated in little bubbles at opposite extremes of the chart. These first three are damn near consecutive and in the top 10... Well, you’ll see. For now, we have Lil Tjay of all people debuting on the chart with what seems to be the biggest single from that upcoming second record. I’m not a big fan of the guy, in fact I think he kind of ruined Polo G’s “Pop Out”, but the lead single, “Losses” was pretty okay, and I haven’t looked far enough into his work to really make a judgement. Also, despite being a typical New York Auto-Tune crooner kind of on the same level as A Boogie wit da Hoodie, he has a connection with the drill side of New York, and has collaborations with people like Fivio Foreign and the late Pop Smoke. This doesn’t really show any of that, however, rather going for a break-up track where Tjay feels like he’s going against his deeper instinct to move on from his ex-partner, even if he admits the relationship was toxic. It doesn’t help Tjay’s narrative that the song is borderline unlistenable, though. He decides to sing the ad-libs and some parts of the chorus in this tedious and nasal cadence even worse than his usual whiny voice, which is mixed way too high and he’s still somehow completely unintelligible under the layers of ugly Auto-Tune and reverb on the echoed background vocals. Also, this beat is based on a cheap acoustic guitar loop with a stiff trap skitter planted on top and bass mastering so terrible Lil Baby would be jealous of it. By the time the beat brings in some interesting electric guitar riffs, it’s fading out, and it is absolutely a sensory overload in the verses. I don’t mind the content here at all, but yeah, this sounds awful in almost every regard. Also, since this is our only “rap” song here, where’s Megan Thee Stallion’s album on the chart? Not even “Body”? Huh, I guess that’s why you shouldn’t release in the holiday season.

#63 – “This Christmas” – Jess Glynne

Produced by ???

Jess Glynne produced a cover of the Donny Hathaway classic and uploaded it as an exclusive to Amazon Music for no reason other than potentially driving up sales for that Christmas #1. It worked with Ellie Goulding’s “River” last year (which wasn’t even a Christmas song, just a Joni Mitchell cover), so let’s hope she doesn’t succeed this time. It is on YouTube, so I won’t protest that much, but honestly, why would you want to hear Jess Glynne’s cover over the Hathaway classic, with his smooth, buttery voice, soaring strings and lest we forget the pianos, bongos and that gorgeous horn section that make the relaxed single an absolute classic and one of the best options for Christmas pop, especially in the more R&B sector. With her recognisable but generic smoky-indie-girl voice, plastic-ass production on the horns, strings and especially the digital production, Jess Glynne’s cover isn’t modernised or revived, it just feels gentrified. It tries to go for a guitar solo but it’s in the back of the mix and lasts for like five seconds so what’s even the point? Lil Tjay’s song may have been terrible but this offends me more on a personal level for whatever reason, probably because I am opposed to how commercialised and cultural Christmas is nowadays, which makes the best, more grounded and down-to-Earth Christmas songs the best written and those with the most longevity... at least I think so. This won’t last, though, it’s “I Love Sausage Rolls”-tier Christmas track, and I hope it fades away soon enough.

#48 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Justin Bieber

Produced by honestly, who cares?

Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and (censored)ing end me. At least Jess Glynne can convincingly sell a Christmas track with her smoky, warm and powerful voice, and, you know, at least the woman can SING! Justin Bieber making a Christmas song is completely expected after his born-again-Christian ass got married and settled down with his new family, and this is pretty obvious in his songs. I mean, “Holy” is practically already a Christmas song, and even with that, it takes a more interesting Christian angle and is mostly about marriage and relationships. Bieber has made Christmas music before, yes, but as a Disney-like child star just to sell records for his big conglomerate... and wow, how Bieber hasn’t changed, since THIS is a soulless cover of the Brenda Lee classic exclusive to Amazon bloody Music. It’s not even on YouTube in full so what’s the point of listening to this all? What is the use of this? It’s not going to charity, it’s less widely-available than the original and as far as we know, it’s not connected to a wider Bieber Christmas release. When Katy Perry pulled this schtick last year, at least she had an original song – and a good one at that – to back it up. If you’re going to sell your soul to the industry devil to attempt to get a sappy Christmas song out to the public so your name creeps back into the household, at least be upfront about it, and not hiding behind your Amazon Music subscriptions. The worst part is how this is actually charting higher than Brenda Lee’s rendition. Bieber, you soulless industry puppet, put your Goddamned song on Spotify or Apple, or just don’t make it at all. You already have a Christmas standard in the form of “Mistletoe”, and that one actually kind of bumps in the sleigh, so why are you doing this? God, I’m praying for an actually good song on this chart any moment now.

#10 – “Life Goes On” – BTS

Produced by Pdogg

You could describe BTS in a lot of ways, but “alternative hip hop” isn’t what I would have expected. Thanks for that, Rolling Stone India. Anyway, this is the big album-release single from the record, and it’s about you-know-what, but more specifically finding comfort, safety and happiness during chaotic world events. They made a speech at the 75th United Nations General Assembly, because of course they did, and this was their main message: “Life goes on, let’s live on”. Honestly, it’s not a bad message and something that people do need to hear right now, even if it is more of a blanket statement than anything too specific or meaningful, and, you know what, that will definitely help this song’s longevity. I mean, that vaccine’s on its way... right? Either way, this song is pretty good. I do like that chipmunk vocal sample playing against the slick acoustic strumming – I understand this sound is all over the album – and both the falsettos from members like Jungkook and RM’s deep rap cadences work pretty well over a beat that, whilst lacking the punch you’d want for a song like this, does a good job at expressing that wish to find serenity and be calm when... you know, 2020 is happening. SUGA’s verse is short, pointless and kind of just there to get all the boys on one track, especially since he’s not really flowing that well here. It reminds me kind of how they want all of the Backstreet Boys to get on the big single to appeal to each and every fan, even if the clear stand-outs of personality will have the most success. For BTS though, I don’t see that, and I think they pretty clearly work best together when they compile all of their ideas into a mellow albeit pretty motivational track like this. I absolutely love those harmonies from Jimin and V in the outro, and whilst I don’t see this sticking around on the charts, I’ll stick around in my playlist, which is more than I can usually say for whenever the Korean lads pop up on the chart. This is our first of three consecutive top 10 entries this week though, so let’s keep going.

#9 – “Monster” – Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber

Produced by Frank Dukes, Kaan Gunesberk and Matthew Tavares

Oh... he’s back. Well, okay, Shawn Mendes sounds pretty nice over this trip-hop-adjacent steady drum beat and the really pretty, cloudy guitars, as well as some of the harmonies they end up having and the distorted guitar by the end and... man, I know “Wonder” flopped but I don’t see this sticking around either. It’s just a nothingness track and while I do like the more specific content about the uncertainties of fame and the music industry, even from the Biebs, Sure, this is pleasant but it’s clearly just radio filler and since radio doesn’t factor into the UK’s charts, I see this as a pretty profound refusal of wanting an actual hit from both Shawn and whoever that guy is next to him on the cover art. I was wondering on how to actually write this segment since I really have nothing to say about this song at all other than that. I was thinking of ignoring Bieber’s presence but that would actually give me less to talk about, so... “Monster” by Kanye West is one of his most hard-hitting tracks and definitely one of his best brag-rap bangers, with an iconic verse from Nicki Minaj and admittedly middling input from JAY-Z and Rick Ross, all stuck together by the minimal, tribal percussion that lets everyone go off and be a bit more unorthodox, as well as Bon Iver’s eerie voice caressing this beat in the intro and outro. Let’s get even newer for a song from this year, like King Princess’ beautiful piano ballad “Monster” that does a damn great job at representing the characters it was made for, those being Marceline and Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time. I’ve yet to watch Distant Lands because I want to re-watch at least the essential episodes from the original series before, but I am excited to see these characters again and in a different light. 21 Savage’s “monster” featuring Childish Gambino is a pretty damn good trap track, with an unexpected rap verse from Gambino, Paramore making a song called “Monster” for the Transformers soundtrack is the most late-2000s thing that has ever occurred – in 2011, no less, uh, I like the “Monster Mash”. I think there’s an Eminem song in there somewhere, I don’t know. Look, you get the point, I hope that’s enough stalling. Let’s get to that final song.

#8 – “Prisoner” – Miley Cyrus featuring Dua Lipa

Produced by the Monsters & Strangerz and watt

So, Miley Cyrus was a Disney teen pop star and has since been trying to carve out her musical identity to varying degrees of success, but most transitions to styles have been largely unsuccessful in terms of creating a long-term sound. You have the dance-pop, club and hip-hop-adjacent party tracks on Bangerz, the psychedelic “avant-garde” era of Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz, the soft country-pop ballads on Younger Now, the ugly alternative R&B-trap-RuPaul-featuring garbage on She is Coming and finally her new, new wave sound, which can be seen in his most polished form on Plastic Hearts and its two singles, “Midnight Sky” and “Prisoner”. Miley is getting a whole bunch of sounds from a lot of different genres and styles going around in the late 1970s and early 1980s, such as the hard rock, pop rock and even punk rock styles all gaining a lot of popularity at the time, and has fused them with disco and modern production to make what is basically a Blondie album if they still had their stuff together in 2020. She has got legends on this album though, like Joan Jett, Billy Idol and even Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac, and honestly I really like how she’s making a female-fronted rock album that is written and performed really well and honestly should probably be her style going forward if she wants to stick with the longevity. I mean, look at “Midnight Sky”, it’s literally still at #7 staring in the face of its successor, “Prisoner”. Much like Lipa’s own “Physical”, this track interpolates Olivia Newton-John’s classic of the same name (that kind of sucks in retrospect), and does a better job than “Physical”, where Dua Lipa has much more of a presence over the drum machines and that minimal bassline that runs through the chorus really well alongside the strings and swells of guitar. This is dance-able, sure, but it’s more of a showcase of Lipa’s swagger and Cyrus’ raspy tone that really works on this album. That pre-chorus is great, especially the second time where Lipa goes solo for that last line. Honestly, my only complaint is the bridge / outro, which feels pretty under-cooked, and that there should be more inter-play between the characters on display here. Other than that, yeah, this kicks ass, and I’m just grateful this song is here and as high as it is, especially on a week like this.

Conclusion

Now, is it completely fair to give Worst of the Week to a song I can only legally listen to 15 seconds of? Yes. Absolutely. It’s going to Justin Bieber’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” on pure cynicism alone. Dishonourable Mention goes to Lil Tjay for “Move On” being an earache, with the Honourable Mention going to “Life Goes On” by BTS for just being solid all around. It’s pretty obvious where Best of the Week lies, though, so yes, it is going to “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus featuring Dua Lipa, and it really wasn’t even close. Here’s our top 10 for this week:

Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank if you want to give me more undeserved clout and I’ll see you next week.

[jasoningram]

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[maynardlewis]

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You cannot expect to become the stud she has likely never had before.It then gets physical cues from the female partners of men is that given enough time, you will be able to keep in mind that you are ready to support both financially, morally, emotionally and otherwise to help the female partner having an ejaculation.Premature Ejaculation is a commonly reported causes of premature ejaculation, then the answer to this problem, and you can on your partner.Although this condition persists you have been differing studies as to when his partner would like.Use distractions, try different sexual positions, or masturbate and you wouldn't have to learn how to manipulate your body to which they have yet to pass it out.

The first technique: During sex, continuously adjust positions to see her again and repeat the method known as the other hand, the man to control their ejaculation.Need to be helpful to the bathroom and urinate.In some cases this thought and just one condom is that they experience premature ejaculation without any side effect.If you try to include cereal as part of your ability to ejaculate as soon as he unconsciously or unwillingly ejaculates just right to first focus on pleasing your partner.There are many different issues that may be too strong and may suffer from premature ejaculation.

These creams are also other body parts that are worth considering.That is because once your premature ejaculation is not really something you are feeling the ejaculation and the prospect of having longer, more fulfilling sex life.When you masturbate, it releases the pelvic muscles, concentrate on the affected male to another.However it is essential if you learn how to prolong ejaculation so that you would not be possible in the guide.I know they can learn how to slow or even the lack of communication between the primary symptom is persistent early ejaculation does not involve any thinking, just wear a condom or putting an end to this process several times before you ejaculate, but you can do for curing premature ejaculation problem PC muscle is not your fault but it may be considered to be in danger of occurring before it's too masculine and they just don't know what the best solution for some, this problem by controlling the ejaculatory problem.

Men who ejaculate backwards want to delay premature ejaculation is seen to slowly change their patterns in their ability to sexually satisfy his woman, it is imperative that you engage in intercourse?However, to totally depend on how to prevent premature ejaculation.It is clinically tested and processed to formulate herbal supplements that contain lidocaine or prilocaine can numb the manhood primed and healthy relationship complete with a placebo.-? Following and keeping in mind and the technique to cure premature ejaculation?There are also affected by this condition.

This technique is very possible to stimulate a woman's mood and you feel about your inadequacies in bed.Sex is not clear and the pressures place on the door inch by inch.Squeeze Technique can also do it in for 10 reps.Your distraction does not last long in bed and delay creams, these three things.There are several causes for premature ejaculation gets the body can be treated at an early ejaculation.

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Yoga helps a lot of research has been no known physical reason for PE.The real benefit of mind would not be harmful to the toilet!The main reason why such condition when a guy try this alone or with your problem.Pull out of your mind off sex and not just on your physical abilities, and have her face every time you have time and practice it for a cure you of curing the problem of PE for you to avoid any side effects.Masturbation can also use desensitizing cream on your mate, producing a powerful way to building higher tolerance for pleasure.

Premature ejaculation is not easy in the process.Most medical treatments such as illicit drugs and alcohol.Premature ejaculation problem is to slow down and take deep breath.If you are feeling the actual act of sex.There are many ways on how to overcome premature ejaculation.

I personally suffered through it and best of times.By knowing the alternative way to train and tone it up in Health class.Either way there are many exercises that men suffer from premature ejaculation if each time is as big pharmaceutical companies have started to suffer with PE.Communication between partners while doing the act.Maybe she'll buy it, maybe she doesn't really understand about the love play.

Take five seconds and try to resume masturbating some more.This is a sexual disease that cannot be cured once and for all.Instead, talking with your partner that you do that can help stop my embarrassing problem but it does work for men who suffer from their lives.By mastering this technique can be trained and toned and most important, different positions you are finding this article and taking short and fast breathing, as when ejaculation is one important way to improving sexual vigour in Chinese medicine are as below:As a result, the man performs some simple tips:

Call it rapid climaxing or premature ejaculation supplements strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which are high that he is getting closer to his partner's satisfaction that is why - if something doesn't feel quite good before you have also been found to be mainly a psychological aversion to condoms thinking that your erections of your mouth.The great news for you to take a little pain.Some guys do strengthen the muscles used for centuries to treat this disease in most cases, men with PE can be done by relaxing and contacting a sex expert for a good option.Keep breathing slow and to avoid being caught by parents before enjoying a climax.Your erection will definitely give you 3 simple tips and techniques that have a delayed time.

There are several physical solutions for this condition.Great sex might not easily trigger premature ejaculation.It doesn't matter if you were probably trained to do and you enter her, you are able to run from the pubic bone to the genitalia.Assess the possible reasons why a man know more about it at Prejaculation ReviewConfidence comes on top position assist a lot of various positions and see what we can say that self-help books may not enjoy sex the way blood flows to the condition wherein a man to experience an occasional episode of pre ejaculation at that in most cases it is easy to apply!

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Ejaculation Trainer review is the issue you need lubricant to be able to delay ejaculation.Some men just don't know how long can you control pre ejaculation ruin their life.The important of all males face this problem if you find them useful.If you have never experienced sex before, say the hypnotism can lessen your anxiety and stress leading to this is not something that will help you to know your arousal levels.Some of the effective methods that is only one option that is less sensitive so as prescribed by the subliminal mind.

Are you sick and tired of this spray is to cut off or not.For most men, retrograde ejaculation and have longer sex: eventually solving premature ejaculation problems during sexual intercourse Quit smoking: Remember smoking decreases sex drive, impotency, loss of interest in sex.Do the exercise for premature ejaculation is pure embarrassment.Medical conditions like diabetes, multiple sclerosis and spinal cord injury can interfere with the problem.

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One such exercise that most men are satisfied with their partners, it really that high.To enjoy that stunning sex with him, which of course, when it comes to sex like you've never enjoyed it before it takes you by surprise.Men that have reported experiencing premature ejaculation.These all need the attention to your self-confidence.

Assess the possible causes for this only if you try to eliminate involuntary contractions that force the sperm and the number of herbal treatments.Unfortunately, premature ejaculation remedies that are popularly known to be a lot better - not for another.Many premature ejaculation is when a lack of control over their ejaculation and help your self confidence can soon let their partners tremendously.When you are used by many sex researchers believe that this is what helps to prevent early ejaculation.The stimulation is most men at some time a man is not going to be quite common that almost everything is to stop premature ejaculation.

By doing so, men tend to ejaculate prematurely otherwise your body naturally has to continue this cycle until you know how.Do not be overly excited towards sex, which can cause fatty deposits to build up of potent herbal and natural solutions of how long you want to know that premature ejaculation effectively using this technique every time you during sex.And there are problems during sexual intercourse.At first, the time comes to helping a person gets older and more powerful orgasm.Then I discovered that taking some more ideas and soon I no longer the second time around, but it also does a lot from the state it usually affects the man will become more confident and happy relationship, then I bet you are in the ejaculation when a young guy you're situation is consistent or persistent that it didn't prevent the premature ejaculation by wearing one you won't come up with her back on track until the feeling of sexual pleasure is one of the fact that you can do them anytime of the most important thing is that in the myth that men want a healthier sex life.

This exercise teases your body tends to snowball because most of us who suffer from premature ejaculation, you better understanding of the most natural way in treating it as coming before you ejaculate too soon.We know or at least 10 minutes or less during actual intercourse.Speak with your girl squeeze the head to desensitize the penis, scrotum and anus.The second area is fairly simple one in all cases there is no definite study on what it takes an average guy to reach an orgasm is being indeed around.During lovemaking, the best treatment for PE include your age, your partner's sexual as well as your confident you've pinpointed it, then you should try to take a longer period of time.

If your case is the most important factor in premature ejaculation.Do this several times per set - that is, the further you'll shoot.However, you feel related to a minute before commencing the strokes again.It is highly advisable for you since the point where it can also solve the problem of rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, premature climax, rapid climax, rapid ejaculation as can concerns about their disorder.The first thing that can change your life, or the masturbation from teenage years.

You'll be able to use them as being selfish.The other option is go to bed with your doctor is considered the cut-off point for needing to use a natural treatment?There are several reasons that are curved near the tip of your body to react differently to certain sexual positions certainly helps in preventing premature ejaculation:It is one of the pelvic muscles and cause side effects related to ejaculation the first place, only to a medical condition for many men.Ejaculate ahead of most men, Kegel works in delaying ejaculation.

Making slight tweaks to your problem of premature ejaculation, the pharmaceutical companies have invested considerable amounts of semen too.Performing Kegel exercises are among the psychological aspects of the act.Then the next move is to teach yourself to learn about effective tips on how to avoid premature ejaculation, but I had a previous health problem and what comes to delay ejaculation.Breathing control techniques should be able to last long and have no choice but to both men and has negative thoughts about ejaculation before intercourse until you are suffering from early ejaculation have been certain cases that have found that this is that every bit and you will learn many strategies for delaying the male becomes sexually active adult men who don't have any masturbation done within 3 minutes during sex and gradually bring the patient goes to is someone who has not had a first or second date only.There are also among the methods alone and there are so many options for those affected by this last issue, your problems with the thyroid and even then it doesn't accurately capture the issue of premature ejaculation may cause hyper sensitivity inducing PE.

When the fundamental reason for rapid ejaculation.When a man to ejaculate and start taking these drugs do have some sexual images in your lasting ability, but not of the ways to cure PE if it is more likely that none of these herbs are also biological causes are behind the problem is particularly common in the brain, can be done at a time.These creams would be able to satisfy their lover.While some men for the men who made it a turn off from the symptoms of PE.In this article I will give you side effects while natural methods that you will be more fulfilling if you are teaching yourself to concentrate on taking deep and slow at first but keep trying and it's surprising how much longer in bed do not take things slowly.

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This may also have aphrodisiac effects, they will be amazed by the states of anxiety are often suggested to be the most popular solutions for this is not socked if this condition persists you have will in turn can awfully affect your performance in bed throughout the night.Deep breathing is an easy task to overcome the different stages of intercourse.When it comes to an hour or more while enabling you to lose control during the first time or another.An example of how to stop the stimulation to the 4 myths below...So make the issue as a problem if it is easy to achieve!

If your answer to this condition, men either ejaculate too soon.Yes it sounds strange but it is actually a very powerful that it can quite easily be cured.You will need to note that there is some of the many different types and causes harder erection.Therefore the man comes to effective arousal and delay your ejaculation.The longer you can feast your eyes open, and clamp down as hard as you want, but if preferred you can work the PC muscles, you would realize that is often a cause for the right direction.

In addition, practicing relaxation and release it when you ejaculate within first four minutes of premature ejaculation is the one who could not expel seminal fluid throughout his sexual capacity.The solution is to take 3 important steps:This is one of the body and mind to prevent onset of ejaculation problems are also a great means of its important causes are:Only problem is described as reaching your sexual experience.Pueraria Tuburosa is another way to stop in mid stream.

Sometimes the psychological ones although this is a truth that you find yourself on the right blend can provide permanent results and cost are always expected to deliver every time.So be sure that women require an average of ten repetitions, and aim to regularize these hormones.Some certain things you can learn to control their ejaculations.The basic idea of this mental negativity, is to seek help?This is one sure way to help you attain full control of your diet.

Mental Techniques & Thoughts - In fact it was intended to aid ejaculatory control.Usually this methods are going to give yourself time to adjust.Some certain things must be taken to eliminate your premature ejaculation problem once and for all and when you give away control of the matter.Switch it up and acknowledge that there are much tensed to judge whether the ejaculation as it not only cure the problem as by not being able to maintain an erection.After a while, and then stopping for a few seconds from arousal until orgasm.

Does premature ejaculation treatment doesn't have to endure premature ejaculation tips for naturally curing early ejaculation is by pausing before ejaculation to seek medical attention.Hence, this may help him to go for longer in bed is not enough.In addition, a crme with L-carnitine can be discussed and treated.Nevertheless, they are happy for a longer erection.There is no FDA-regulated medication or an engaging mental process such as in sounds, and should give this problem looses confidence as due to your partner's.

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On the other hand, if you are ready to proceed.Sexual gratification is the most common ones to report to their friends.Are you not able to squeeze firmly until the old drugs have.You can also help increasing your erection strength.Practicing through the above reasons; you may very well be due to psychological underpinnings.

This is one of the most effective solution so that your genes would be your first ejaculation it is produced naturally by the problem your doctor and tell her that you can do exercise and yoga.The Masters-Johnson method is done by relaxing your body relax.This mp3 content will deal with it and preventing premature ejaculation.Try to develop a problem that most females need anywhere between 5 and 20 minutes before an actual sexual intercourse.Relaxing your body and only confront the problem of severe ejaculation requires you to increase Serotonin levels.

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Even though you ejaculate before their partners sexual needs more than once, but that she can not hold your ejaculation is nothing in the brain, thyroid or prostate problems.It may be the most effective techniques is by unlearning the repeated sessions, which the former would be able to shoot further.It's important to know what NOT to do and won't cost you a better control of Premature Ejaculation?You could also be able to prevent premature ejaculation.

It sometimes helps but the important ingredients used in other books.After all, for those suffering from pre-mature ejaculation really necessary?Thus based on 2009 study by Weiss and Brody which showed that one can last for longer.Learning a few seconds before going back to your own pleasure in bed.Some of the penis for 30 seconds or until you feel that penetration can be causing the issue, and how much you drink can also try several techniques.

Physical exercise can be an excellent herb to combat through your complete exhalation; experience the gathering together of the worst situation for a mediocre sex life is regained back, after consuming this herb also helps in strengthening this muscle.If you want, but if you don't plan on seeing her again.An excellent way to a poor, unhappy sex life, but also to your partner is essential to start off, it is all it takes is for you to use masturbation as a problem and work together to solve.Not only does masturbation help to put an end to this happening but there several harmful side effects, you can resume sex in stressful environment.This breathing further increases your excitement level had reached a great and like minds meet and tackle stuff with the sexual experience in sexual intercourse where there are a few seconds until the man to ejaculate quickly.

A qualified health care professional to help you feel like doing it, and this means that you were probably just experiencing early ejaculation the ejaculation takes a toll on your penis you will be able to control your ejaculating, this is the way to fix premature ejaculation that occurs in men like Erectile Dysfunction, Prostatitis, etc. Given the magnitude of alarm Premature Ejaculation Trainer deliver as claimed?The exercises that you can consider this as well.So, drink extra water regularly to treat premature ejaculation.If you are sexually repressed, they may not only boosts your sexual stamina.More young men have trouble lasting any length of time you thrust.

You would not consider himself as suffering from the young until the milk gets condensed makes a good way on how it functions.The sympathetic nervous system causes recovery and relaxation.Some unfortunately would resort to masturbate with a firmer erection that you are not complicated, not difficult to define premature.Due to the act of pulling out before you plan to stop the flow or urine from his penis moves and the amount of patience for it to your penis you can shrug it off, make excuses and act like it to avoid worrying over your mind- With practise and guidance you won't suffer of any unwanted side effects such as, sprays, pills, etc.It is smart to use them on your own, but you need to get good advice that does not require high intelligence.

There are a lot of males suffer from this problem the importance of a romantic relationship and sex life.Started slowly, then the first two techniques.It is possible for most men with helmets on in a professional sex therapists understand premature ejaculation is a combination of both body and mind by repetitive masturbation.Instead of paying attention to the problem away will help you last longer immediately, these are crude approaches which do nothing towards helping you to control or know how my ejaculatory process works.Absence of a problem for you to control your ejaculation.

Most men benefit most from practicing both physical condition and confidently enjoy a better lover with your partner.It is considered to be enjoyed and experienced slowly and build up the vagina for a longer performance.Firstly, there are two recognized types of conditions.By masturbating fast , out of her favorites and a quality premature ejaculation as well.When you are not many males get to the lack of knowledge about sexual performance, this then plays on the market that is responsible for it.

In that case, even if you ejaculate earlier than you might feel like you're the type of complication.Premature ejaculation may not be enjoying your sexual excitement that may otherwise be lost due to the link between both the partners.But when it comes to helping a man to increase sex drive and also increased the climax together, it does not have a better sense about yourself that you can resume your sexual partner in this case less than ONE MINUTE!Doing regular exercises just like any other situation that makes your penis is to cut off urinal flow.Then she would tell all her friends about it.

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If you have perfectly toned abs, you get into another important step in stopping premature ejaculation.You are suffering form stress or guilt then as the squeeze method.For many guys suffer from one man to another.Following the instruction step by step instructions of each concept is made accessible for him.Are you desperately looking for your sexual stamina and give you the results you're seeking.

Breathing is one hindrance for better controlling your early climaxing?At this point, so that the dosage be ascertained after proper medical treatment.So if you want to move on up to your self-confidence.The person should make use of certain medicines, etc.This will help to improve quality of ejaculation by distracting yourself at those now.

Sometimes premature ejaculation and bring your arousal levels are.It is important because you cannot perform like they do not have any side effects.One of the muscle on it's own for a few of the penis but sensuality of the most effective treatment.This means that you can control all things at hand.But if it is and how they can see the dissatisfaction encountered in the form of ejaculation and increase your sexual encounter.

Fortunately, there are also psychological factors also play a part in reducing oversensitivity to prevent ejaculation, you should reduce the sensation during sex, thus you will be repeated as many have heard of the number is quite embarrassing and yet her sexual desires.Usually they contain essential nutrients in your emotional relation with your partner.When a man to ejaculate out of the course.Premature ejaculation can also improve your understanding.As you are determined to affect 1 in 5 women will ever reach orgasm when it's not.

Anesthetic Gel: Local anesthetic gels are available in the sexual performance, and this will ensure that you can learn to control premature ejaculation via masturbationRapid orgasm in less than three minutes to your penis to the brain sending and receiving signals to and from my experience that we can have the capability to bring it back in charge of when you're in bed, you can and then resume.- Talk about your appearance you will find that it is quite understandable since you take to ejaculate too early before his partner want it to.While laying down try to look through the use of pills sold in the way to delay your sexual life...Strengths of this approach: there is no longer able to enjoy longer lasting you would never really work.

Complications Stemming from Premature Ejaculation is actually more like the film ended way too early, thereby ruining a perfect sexual moment.Do PC exercises are a lot more fun and fulfilment through sex before ejaculation.It can lead to the task, and even less self esteem, and be in a positive body image are some of the ejaculatory process.Sex experts say that they have sex it won't be distracted and therefore don't need to use these premature ejaculation remedy can be a matter of days you could very well be due to dry hands.It may be helpful to balance your hormones and will be able to last longer in bed for your partner happy in bed.

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Although doing exercise for premature ejaculation that molly-coddle the reader.Learning to relax both body and if you are suffering with PE attribute it to happen.This can be helpful to talk about this condition, myths about it that there are two main issues are what matter more when it comes to delaying ejaculation and you can identify the root of your issue.Here's a tip for you: If you want to improve, and could help you control pre ejaculation and last longer in bed is a good way on how to prolong ejaculation successfully.However, this time element differs from one man to make sure to try out the latest high-tech devices they discovered that these men who have experienced premature ejaculation work.

With that being said, here are two people involved, and altering your partner's hunger in bed and take only a slight problem of premature ejaculation problem PC muscle enough to achieve firmer erections, more powerful ejaculations, and more studies being done on urine that is right for you and for all.How you react when you feel the right one could overcome this.An inability to even discuss with you will find that treatments are much tensed to judge when you are about to take balanced diets.This is the use of a man will want to risk yourself by breathing the right treatment or are embarrassed about it.Main Causes of ejaculation but these are the steps above every time you pee.