#because those simple little workings have been pretty effective for me

[azrielbrainrot]

Hate Is A Funny Thing

Pairing: Eris Vanserra x F!Reader

Kinktober 2024: Hate Sex

Description: You and Eris have been at each other's throats ever since you've first met, but today your night ends a little differently.

Warnings: Smut, vaginal sex, semi-public sex, some dirty talk

Word Count: 1,7k

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

Hate is a funny thing. It can consume you with unbridled rage in the blink of an eye, raw anger traveling to every extremity of your body at the simple sight of someone you hate. It makes you forget yourself and everything you've worked hard for, the mask of impartiality that you strive to maintain in public disappearing as soon as your gaze meets those familiar amber eyes.

Barely restrained power bubbling right beneath the surface as he spews hateful words behind that irritatingly arrogant smirk of his, your own mouth responding in kind, not letting you fall behind. The ice in your veins begging to be let out and doused over his fire to snuff it out even though you've long since mastered your powers.

All in all, you know the effects of hate pretty well, but you can't say you ever imagined it would lead you to getting fucked within an inch of your life by the person you claim to hate so much.

Tonight hadn't been the first time he had followed after you to continue your heated conversation when you walked out of the room, usually it simply leads to more vile words and even louder voices. You had even slapped him before, pushed at his chest a few times in anger, he had set a few unsuspecting plants on fire with his temper too, but, for some reason you can't explain, today you grabbed the back of his head and his hands fell on your waist instead, lips meeting in the middle in a hungry, untamed kiss.

There were no more biting words exchanged, both of you letting your bodies speak for themselves, kissing each other's lips raw, his teeth marking your neck as your nails carved his skin, desperately feverish hands pulling at each other's clothes, only able to somewhat relax and take a breath when he finally drives his cock inside your dripping cunt, the delicious stretch silencing the world around you.

“You can close your eyes all you want,” he says, breaking you out of your thoughts, “but it's still going to be me who's fucking you.”

His voice was deeper, breathier with the effort, struggling to push out his words evenly between pants, his usually vexing amber eyes darting between where your bodies met and your own when you finally looked up at him with half lidded eyes.

“Do you ever stop talking?”

Eris chuckles, opening his mouth to say something that will likely only make you madder, and so you grab his neck and pull him down for a kiss instead, knowing that's the only way you've managed to keep him quiet ever since you've met him. Of course that was the only reason you were kissing him, not because the way his tongue moved against yours sent a tingly feeling to every nerve on your body or because you could almost taste the moans that escaped him on your tongue.

Luckily he had winnowed you to a private location in between feverish kisses, some random office in the mansion the banquet was being held at, so you didn't have to worry about anyone seeing you at least. Unfortunately, no matter how embarrassing it would be for someone else to witness this, you can't keep this secret from yourself, and from now on you will have to look at Eris knowing how his hands feel like caressing your body and how well his cock stretches you out.

If you look at him objectively, ignoring everything he is and everything he could be, you can admit that Eris is an exceptionally handsome male even though you would never say the words out loud. He's also extremely intelligent and quick-witted, easily keeping up with your jabs when you fight, and powerful, so much so that you know he will become the High Lord one day. But he will always be Eris.

He trails kisses down to your neck, hips moving incessantly against yours, making it hard to breathe let alone think. His skin felt warm against yours, it shouldn't have come as a surprise seeing as he was quite literally made of fire, but it threatened to melt the ice living under yours, the one who helped you keep an unaffected mask in place, the one you desperately needed right now to keep his name off your lips.

As if sensing your thoughts, Eris moves away from your neck and comes up to watch your face as he fucks you, thrusting into you deeper while keeping those Gods forsaken fiery eyes on yours, taking note of every breath you took and moan you attempted to bite back. Having his undivided attention becomes too much too soon and you can't help but close your eyes, trying to take comfort in the way his body moved against yours to escape how his eyes burned into you with emotions you couldn't decipher, were too scared to.

“Keep your eyes on me,” he breathes out, sounding less like an order and more like a plea. There was a softness behind his voice that you had never heard coming from him. It sounded wrong, so far detached from you, him and everything that will never be between you. Taking a steadying breath, you open your eyes, what you find swirling in his making your next words easier to find.

“What made you this needy?” You hate yourself for doing this, for being unable to see any vulnerability behind his eyes without nipping it at the bud, but you couldn't stop yourself. “Is it your father's cruelty? I hear he didn't even let your mother hold you when you were a child.”

A raging fire burns in his eyes at your vile words, his hand coming down to wrap around your neck as he thrusted harder into you. Good, this was good, familiar, you knew how to work with this. You knew he'd take any comment about his father with a cruel smile, but bringing up his mother was always going too far, it brought out that side of him that did justice to the Vanserra name.

Eris studies you for a moment, searching for something you hoped he couldn't find before that annoyingly captivating smirk of his returns to his lips, looking up at the office's door and letting out a breath, one that sounded more like a cruel laugh. You could also feel his hands warming up against your skin - maybe you truly had gone too far.

When he meets your eyes again, you expect to find the male who once burned a hole in your new dress and insults you every chance he gets, and you do but something's not quite right. What you find in his eyes is a vast ocean of unbridled rage and engulfing flames threatening to consume you whole, and yet there's more to it, more than you have ever gotten from him.

“I was going to be nice and let you cum on my cock,” he starts, his hips slowing down more and more with every word, “but you can't ever keep your mouth shut, can you?”

“Eris, don't you dare-”

He ignores your thinly veiled threat, his hips coming to a stop with his cock deep inside you, smirk only widening as your glare sours. Grabbing onto your body tightly, he winnows you once more, this time to the sofa across the room, sitting down with you still perched on his cock, the change in position driving it impossibly deeper inside you, a choked moan escaping your parted lips.

“If you want to cum, you'll have to do it yourself.”

Gods, you truly hated him, more than you could ever explain. A myriad of thoughts pass through your mind, your pride and ego begging you to walk away and leave him unsatisfied, but you knew you couldn't, and as your hips start moving you on top of him, you know there was only one possible answer from the start.

“Good girl-”

You cover his mouth before he can piss you off even further and ruin this for you, the way he smiles against your palm enough to let you know this is exactly what he wanted, that you were playing right into his hand, but you couldn't even bring yourself to care, not when he was stretching you out so deliciously, when he was hitting every pleasure spot inside you, ones you didn't even know existed, his hands falling over your thighs and helping you move along his thick cock, bodies trembling against each other.

It's only when the pleasure becomes too much, and you feel yourself right on the edge that your hands drops from his mouth, moving to his shoulder instead to find some leverage as your thighs burned with the effort of chasing that destructive orgasm you felt just out of reach, the one that would make all of this worth it.

Despite his words, Eris seemed unwilling to let you do it on your own, one of his hands traveling down your body, sending goosebumps erupting throughout your skin as it went, coming down to find your clit, rolling it with his thumb, an immediate moan of his name escaping your lips, one you can't even bring yourself to care about even though you had been trying your best to keep it down ever since he first kissed you.

Your orgasm finds you like this, washing away every thought from your brain as you shake on top of him, barely managing to keep moving long enough to feel him cumming deep inside you as well. In the midst of all the pleasure and insanity you seemed to have reached out for him, kissing him as you were coming down.

When you finally pull away to catch your breaths, he leans back against the sofa with closed eyes, chest rising and falling as his hands held onto your sides loosely, and you finally understand why he needed you to keep your eyes on him.

“Eris,” you find yourself whispering, almost sighing in relief when he meets your eyes, grabbing the back of your head gently and pulling you down for a kiss.

See, the funny thing about hate is that it can turn into something else entirely when you least expect it and leave you hopeless in the face of it all.

[shanastoryteller]

ROSES ARE RED, AND THIS IS BEDONKS
CAN I PRETTY PLEASE HAVE SOME PERCY AND TONKS 🌹💖

“What’s going on with Percy?”

Kingsley looks ups from his paperwork to find Amelia looming over him. Not exactly a common occurrence, since he’s well over a foot taller than her. “Brooks?”

“Merlin, don’t speak to me about Percy Brooks,” she says, pulling a face. She’s the one who brought him up! “Weasley.”

He blinks several times, rolling through Arthur’s children until he lands on the appropriate redhead. A bit uptight, considering his parentage, but Molly can fret with the best of them up until she gets fed up and settles matters with her wand. “I could get Tonks in here, if you want.”

“Do they know each other?” she asks in interest. “They were in different houses, and a couple years apart.”

How does she know that? He knew that, but it was against his will. “Tonks is dating him. Or trying? I’m not totally clear on the specifics despite her best efforts.”

He hadn’t anticipated how much work it would take for him to dodge a trainee determined to complain to him about her love life. It speaks well of her future in the field, at least. Or poorly of his own abilities, but he’s fairly confident in those, so he’s comfortable giving her the credit here.

“Great, a harassment case waiting to happen for our department,” she says dryly.

He rolls his eyes. “The only person he’s complaining about it to is Tonks. Who takes it as encouragement. Which, considering the cause and effect, it very well might be.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Amelia says. “What’s what this kid?”

Kingsley is lost again. “Can you get a little more specific?”

“Crouch’s department has become efficient, and dare I saw, effective over the last couple months. It’s certainly got nothing to do to with Crouch, since he’s been useless for nearly a decade. The only thing that’s changed is Percy. Who attends every meeting, claiming Crouch sent him to take notes, and then memos and policy get signed and sent out of Crouch’s office when I know for a fact Crouch is too busy harassing me to do his damn job.”

He tries to avoid the obvious answer because it’s the most ridiculous. “You think it’s him?”

“Who else?” she returns.

Well. “Do you… want me to arrest him?”

“What good would that do?” she demands. “The department is operating smoothly for once. I want to know what his deal is. Is he loyal to Crouch? Plotting against us? Just really passionate about bottom thickness?”

Not according to Tonks.

Uhg.

If he was alone, he’d bang his head on his desk until he’s unable to remember what Tonks’s voice sounded like and then maybe he’d know peace.

“Everyone’s got to start somewhere,” he says. “You’re noticing. Maybe that’s what he’s after.”

“I’m noticing because I notice everything. He’s taking significant steps to ensure people don’t notice. How’s he supposed to get promoted that way? Or transferred?” She shakes her head. “He’s doing it for a reason. Do me a favor and find out.”

Why can’t she ask him something simple, like hiding a body or burying evidence?

Now he has to spend his lunch break listening to Tonks talk about her not-boyfriend.

[1d1195]

Most V

Read Most here | ~5.8k words

From me: I've been waiting for this part for a REALLY long time.

Warnings: *drum roll* SMUT, semi-public, unprotected, really needy 18+ also, some pretty angsty chats (and more Lauren)

Summary: Harry has been dying for this date for three years. And all the answers it comes with. Even if he doesn't like some of them. She missed Harry. Plain and simple.

With Addie off the phone, she gazed at her reflection for a moment. The girls did an amazing job with her hair and makeup. She felt beautiful. Beautiful enough to be on a date with Harry. He was one of the only people she had ever been on a date with (as much as she did it, she didn’t consider third-wheeling with Addie and Carter actually dating; and knowing Harry was her soulmate put a damper on the memory of her dates with one of the only other guys she dated, Beau, in the ninth grade). It was simultaneously terrifying and wonderful.

The thought of him made the nerves return. Closing her eyes, she smoothed down the skirt of her dress. It was light green. Nearly matched Harry’s eyes, which was why she selected it. There was a slight V-cut at her neck and had fluttery sleeves at the top of her shoulders. Eleanor insisted it looked beautiful against her skin and the skirt cinched slightly at her waist accentuating her curves and then came to a ruffled hem that hit just above her knee. With a pair of wedged nude sandals, she tried to create the effect that her legs were longer, but she slightly felt like she was playing dress up and this was not a date she was meant to go on.

“I just need to jump,” she whispered to herself encouragingly.

The full effect had Harry’s jaw nearly unhinged to the floor as she entered the kitchen. Eleanor punched him in the arm to keep him from drooling. Sarah smiled excitedly. “You look beautiful.”

“Extremely,” Harry nodded in agreement, his eyes scanning her in a way that made her feel naked, but in a really good way. She blushed so cutely. It made Harry’s heart skip a beat.  “Ready?” He asked.

She nodded. Because for the first time in ages she felt so ready to go on a date. Eager. Utterly excited to be alone with someone. “Yes,” she smiled.

*

Dinner passed in a blur. Truly, he was only thinking about the way her smile looked so nice on her lips. How soft her hair framed around her face. The way her skin practically glowed and it was only amplified by the makeup that she decidedly did not need but it looked like she was doing the products a favor by wearing them on her beautiful face. He was only pretty sure they spoke. Chatted about a variety of things but he wasn’t sure he could recall them in detail if asked because he was so overwhelmed by the fact that he was with her, on a date. After all that time.

He suspected there was stuff about work and college. He did remember he told her at least twenty stories about Mrs. Peterson and seriously worried she was one of his best friends, now. She talked about Carter and Addie. Gave an update on her mum and how she enjoyed living closer to her aunt.

But all those details disappeared. He was on a date with her. A date with the love of his life after three years of not seeing her and it was so goddamn effortless to talk to her, make her laugh, and smile with her.

It felt so good he could have cried.

“What are y’going t’do when y’finish your degree?”

“Uh,” she sighed, and Harry sensed her worry almost immediately. Wished he hadn’t made her feel uneasy even a little. Even if it was natural to feel that way.

A little anxiety about her future career was new for her. For the first time in so many years, nervousness that wasn’t because she was worried about him or her love for Harry was a bit of a curve ball. She knew what she wanted, and she wanted it badly, but didn’t know if it would pan out the way she saw it in her mind. “I’m not totally sure, actually,” she admitted. “I’ve got an online portfolio of my work, and I’ve sent it to a ton of publishers, magazines, et cetera,” she took a deep breath. “I could be really stereotypical and just continue waitressing by night and writing by day,” she shrugged. It wasn’t a bad gig. But it wasn’t what she hoped for exactly.

“Someone is going t’pick you up. You are too brilliant t’not be,” he sounded so sure—because he was. If there was anything he believed in, it was her, her dreams, and ambitions. “S’nice it can be... remote, yeah? Let you travel and visit your mum and whatnot,” stay here. With me. He thought silently to himself.

She nodded. “Yeah... I guess. But... I think I’d want to stay here.”

For three years, his heart was not inside his chest. But now it was back, the veins and arteries reconnecting to the rest of his body. Literally putting life back in him. It thudded so loudly he could barely make out the sound of the restaurant around them as he smiled at her. “Good,” he nodded. “Good,” he repeated quietly, relief heavier in his tone.

After a brief protest from her, (and for the first time since she arrived home, he didn’t even look at her as he pushed her hand away) Harry paid and signed the receipt for their meal. Once her glass was nothing but ice, he looked at her expectantly. “D’you want t’get coffee?” He asked, his voice full of hope because he didn’t want the night to end. Not even a little.

She nodded. If the night never ended, she would be glad.

Harry ushered her out of the restaurant, and she held her hand out for his. He took it eagerly and marveled at how her fingers fit the spaces between his; it felt like they were supposed to be there, and his hand was empty, not complete without hers attached to it.

They made their way toward the coffee shop up the road. Holding hands like they had done hundreds of times before. They chatted about the weather. He complimented the way her hair had lighter streaks throughout. She looked good. So good. “Louis and I have been running in the morning,” she told him with a shrug. “I think the sun hits different parts of my hair when it’s up and gives me this highlight effect.”

Harry had no idea he had been running with her. “You have?” He asked. Jealousy flooded him. It wasn’t fair to either of them. It was stupid. But the surprise was genuine.

“Yeah... the first time I went out and I saw him, I chased after him because he didn’t want to talk to me. But I buttered him up with those muffins I—”

“Holy shit, y’made the oat muffins?” He asked in shock. Forget what he said. The jealousy was real. She blushed, feeling bad she let Louis’ secret slip.

“You hate him now, don’t you?”

“Immensely,” he squeezed her hand as she giggled. “Did y’make the blueberry ones or the cranberry ones?”

“Do you actually want that answer?”

“No,” he shook his head quickly. “You’re right.”

“I’ll make some extra,” she offered.

Harry was about to ask her about breakfast tomorrow, but his phone began vibrating in his pocket. It was a great effort and made him feel awful, but he looked at it because he had to. As expected, it was his boss. “M’sorry kitten. S’work. Do y’want t’go in and order?” She smiled, nodding encouragingly. “Tell Lauren I said hi,” he said pressing the phone to his ear and stepping away from the shop a few paces.

Of course, someone was having a family emergency and without a family of his own, Harry was always the first call for overtime and help. There were still hours before he would need to go in. It wasn’t ideal, but still gave him plenty of time to finish his date.

It was well worth getting no sleep if it meant he could spend more precious time with her. It was one thing he was never going to take advantage of ever again. Time with her was the most invaluable thing he had.

“Everything okay?” She asked, holding out a cup to him.

“Thank you. Yeah... jus’... gotta do the overnight at midnight.”

“Oof,” she frowned. Then, much to his delight and surprise, she slipped her hand right back into his, like three years of nothingness didn’t stretch between them. Like they held hands for the last eleven-hundred odd days, every day. “Is that hard?”

For a moment, Harry was speechless, breathless, unable to remember what her question was asking. But then he brought himself back to reality. Harry didn’t like sleeping much. It was where he saw her most. All those dreams of what could have been... so no. It wasn’t hard to do overnights because at least when he was dead tired in the mornings after his shift, he didn’t dream. Didn’t see her. But he didn’t want to make her feel bad. “M’used to it.”

“Well, we can head home if you want to get a couple hours of sleep in before—”

“Do y’want t’go home?” He asked immediately, cutting her off, frowning at the idea of ending their night so quickly.

“No!” She answered just as immediately. Then, with a pink color painting her cheeks, she cleared her throat. “Just... want to make sure you’re... okay.”

Now he dreaded it. The couple of hours that he had seemed like nothing. There was no way he would get all the questions he wanted answered out in the open. But he had to start somewhere. “M’fine. Promise. Do y’want t’jus’ drive around for a bit?”

Silently, she nodded. “Please.”

*

Something shifted as they got back in his car. He wasn’t sure what, but it was a feeling like something had changed in the short time he was on the phone. It was in her eyes, the spiral of anxiety that was beginning to surface from inside her.

It seemed utterly unfair, and he silently hoped she wouldn’t retreat into herself. The thoughts of her leaving like she did three years ago rolled in his head so frequently now that she was home, he had a whole new set of nightmares to keep him company when he did sleep at night.

But right now, she was still in his car, and he had questions to ask.

For the time being, he pointed out new details on road signs that had been fixed and renovations to things in town she couldn’t see from the outside. She asked polite questions but really, he was just wasting time. So finally, Harry went to the next town over. He pulled into a little spot off the side of the road that fit exactly one car and gave a great view of the town. It wasn’t a mountain by any stretch, but high enough to make them feel tall and important.

He imagined it was a popular spot for teens with new licenses to make out as well.

Not that that was his intention.

There was a pause in their conversation. Comfortable and quiet. Then as Harry was about to ask her another question, she bounced in surprise at the sound of fireworks decorating the sky in front of them. “Wow,” she laughed. “All for me?” She winked at him.

He laughed and nodded. “M-hmm, had it all planned,” he watched the sky for a bit but the most beautiful thing he had the pleasure of looking at was her. So, he turned to watch her enjoy the display. She looked so pretty, her face illuminating every few seconds with a different color from the sky. He missed her so viscerally. Like even the freckles on his skin missed her. Every inch of him was plagued with wanting her even though she was right next to him.

If she went silent on him, he was going to lose his mind.

It was now, or never.

“Why did y’do it?” He whispered.

“Do what?” She asked, frowning at his quiet tone.

He closed his eyes, gripped the steering wheel tight. She had to know what he was talking about. “Why did you leave?”

Her breath caught and Harry felt bad for catching her off guard. But she had to know this needed to be said, needed to be dealt with. “Harry,” she sighed, swallowed hard. She looked out the passenger window avoiding the fireworks. “You should just... enjoy the fireworks. This isn’t—”

“Kitten, I need t’know.”

“I know,” her head knocked against the glass. He could just make out her reflection, her pained expression. It was rude of him to press. But he had to keep going. “But we—”

He pressed anyway. “You have t’tell me. Y’jus’ show up after three years of nothing. It killed me.”

“I know,” she croaked. “God, Harry, I know.”

“So tell me,” he was practically begging. “Don’t y’think I deserve t’know? You were m’whole world, kitten. S’not fair of you—”

“Harry, I fucking know!” She clenched her hands into fists in her lap. He was being unfair. In the time they were together they never fought. What did sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds have to fight about? When she left it was just sad. They never argued. So asking her to do this in his car on their first date after so many years, so many days of sadness and heartache, was completely unfair of him.

“I was so lost, kitten,” he wasn’t fighting fair at all. Coaxing her to breaking even though he had every right to know. She didn’t want the night to end and she feared it would if she told him.

“Harry—”

“Please, kitten. Baby, I just want t’understand—”

She choked out an involuntary sob the moment he said baby. “Because you deserved more than me! Okay? You deserved so much more than me and you wouldn’t have let me go so I just left, alright? You deserved more. So much more than me.”

The fireworks seemed quiet after her explosion.

But it didn’t make any more sense to Harry than the very day she first said it. “What does that even mean?”

Clearly, he broke something in her. She cried, hard. Breaking his heart further. He felt like an asshole, but he desperately needed to know. Her pretty makeup was going to be ruined thanks to him. “I don’t know. I don’t know,” she covered her mouth with her hand and sobbed into the window.

At least he had an answer.

Now for the next question. “Why did y’come back?” There was no answer for that. Just her quiet sniffles filled the car. She dug into his glove compartment for a napkin to wipe her face. If Harry wasn't so upset, he would have marveled at how she knew where everything was; some things didn't change even if they had. “Kitten, tell me.”

“Harry,” she whimpered. “Please...”

But he was desperate for answers. Desperate to put his heart back together. “I needed to see...” she croaked, her voice dying part way through the sentence.

“See what?” He was exasperated.

“That you had...” she swallowed. “That you had moved on.”

He turned away from her briefly, face twisting in anguish. He shook his head then turned back to her. He put his hand on her shoulder, asking her to face him and look at him when he said the next part. “Moved on?” He repeated. The words didn’t make sense. “How was I supposed t’move on, exactly?”

She sobbed and Harry wanted nothing more than to comfort her. Hold her and kiss her. He wanted to promise it was going to be okay. The way he always did when she cried. But he couldn’t. He needed to know how she thought that it was possible to exist without her. “I thought if I—”

“You are my soulmate, kitten. You know that.”

She whimpered, cheeks flushed, and tears streamed down her face. It pained him to look at her so upset but he had to finish this. Now. “You don’t believe in soulmates,” she whispered. Almost as if she wasn’t talking to him.

“But you told me we were,” his voice was crystal clear, definitive. No room to persuade him of anything else. She was his soulmate. She believed in them, so it had to be true. He believed in her. So that was enough. Harry gripped the steering wheel for all he was worth. Gritted his teeth as he asked his next question. “Did you move on?” The question was lost to the fireworks and the sound of her cries. But she clearly caught some of it.

“...What?” She whispered, tilting her head at him at a strange angle. Like he just told her that the grass was orange and it rained flower petals.

He inhaled sharply realizing he was agonizing over the thought. How long had he been holding that question in his head? Why didn’t he ask it sooner? Well, he knew why he didn’t ask it sooner. A large part of him never wanted to know the answer. “Do you have a boyfriend? Or... a fiancé?”

“Harry,” she rubbed her hands into her eyes.

“Goddammit," he sucked in a deep breath. "Tell me!” His heart was breaking.

“I didn’t date anyone while I was gone. I told people that I, and my heart, were happily taken. It never even crossed my mind, Harry,” she looked at her lap and swallowed nervously.

The fireworks complimented their evening perfectly. He released the breath he was holding and the grip he had on the steering wheel. The feeling came back to his fingers. His knuckles returned to the right color. “You said y’were taken?” He asked, thinking of the same notion he told Mrs. Peterson whenever she wanted to set him up on a blind date. Her gaze returned to his, and she held it for a moment, still in complete silence. Then she nodded. Her sniffles subsided.

Then she snorted, shaking her head with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “A fiancé, Harry? That’s ridiculous.”

“S’not,” he didn’t smile like she did. It was so serious to him. Felt it in his bones how serious it was. “Because if y’thought I was going t’move on from you... I don’t know, kitten,” he shook his head.

“No,” she repeated. Relief flooded him further. “I couldn’t... I took this first aid class,” she swallowed. “You would be really proud of me,” she smiled more genuinely through tears that filled her lash line. “I thought about all the things you taught me yourself when you practiced first aid and whatnot. I knew so much stuff. I was the class pet—”

“Course y’were.”

“—but we practiced taping wrists and ankles and I had to work with this guy, and I thought he was going to kill me,” she sniffed but that smile never left her lips. “I flinched every time his hand touched mine. He probably thought I was in a horrible relationship and that’s why I was learning how to tape injuries. I couldn’t even tell him that it was the exact opposite because I couldn’t tell him about you.”

Harry was silent, watching the explosion of color against the dark sky.

“I thought you would have moved on,” she whispered.

“Y’got your mom t’leave. I couldn’t even ask ‘bout you. You stopped talking to all of us.”

“If it helps at all, it was really lonely. Even with Addie and Carter...” she shrugged.

It didn’t. The thought of her being sad and lonely felt about as painful as her leaving. He was so grateful she had a friend to look after her. Someone to confide in. Because she left a lot of people behind who loved her, but at least Harry had them to comfort him as best they could.

“I thought about you every day,” she whispered. “I’ve been thinking about writing our story. I’ve been outlining it... reliving every memory through it. Every painful thing. I think it’ll be a series and honestly, I think it will be really good because the ending will be sad, and no one will see it coming because we didn’t see it coming and—”

“Our book?”

She paused. “You were my favorite thing to write about.”

He shook his head. He knew that. It wasn’t a conceited kind of thing. She said it all the time and he knew it. “What do you mean a sad ending?”

Another pause. She closed her eyes and sighed. “You can’t possibly want me back.”

Another long pause. Harry mulled it over and he realized just how angry he was. What had he done wrong that she didn’t feel adored by him? Where had he messed up and not made her feel safe? Did he let go of her hand like when they were on the balcony the other day? It was too much for him. His grip tightened on the steering wheel again. “What is the matter with you?” He put his head on the steering wheel against his hands as he spit the words out. He hated arguing with her. He felt pulled in two directions to have this conversation and comfort her. It seemed impossible to do them both at the same time.

“Harry,” she frowned. “I’m—”

He shook his head and smacked his hands against the wheel as he sat back. “I am never going t’stop wanting you. Don’t you get that? There is no ending with us. There can’t be. I have been waiting for three years for you t’come back t’me. You’re here and y’think I’m jus’ supposed t’have move—”

She was kissing him.

Her lips covered his in a hungry kind of way. Raw, achy, and hot. She pulled away briefly, her breath short pants. Her hand at the back of his head, her fingers pulled and tightened snuggly against locks of his hair. Poor Harry was so surprised he didn’t fully grasp what was happening and forgot to kiss her back.

He hoped she didn’t think it was too late. Or too soon, maybe, for him to agree to this kind of thing. But he only let one additional second pass before his lips were back on hers. His hands held each side of her face pulling her close to him, awkwardly around the console.

She seemed to melt into the kiss, her whole body releasing a long breath that made her shoulders fall, her body sinking forward. Harry moaned quietly into her mouth. One hand slid from her face into the back of her perfectly styled hair. Within five more seconds he started to pull her over the console separating them. He heard the clunk of one of her shoes falling onto the floor. With one hand on the small of her back, he used his free hand to push the seat back to give her more room between his body and the steering wheel.

Harry wasn’t her first kiss. But the way it felt, he may as well have been. She wished he was. There was nothing better than kissing him. There was a familiar possessiveness in the mix of their lips and breath. It was like he was saying no one else was ever going to kiss her as well as he did. Softly, his tongue slid across the seam of her lips to get her to open further.

Harry knew she didn’t like lots of tongue in her kisses. Which was fine with Harry, a quick brush of her tongue against his was plenty and not the part he cared about much anyway. The way she sucked his lower lip into her mouth and traced it with her tongue nearly made him finish in his pants. Her lips were so sweet. Just like her. It was the most natural feeling in the world to kiss her. Like he kissed her yesterday, the day before, all last year, and every other day succeeding her departure. “God,” she whispered against his mouth.

“Hmm,” he hummed. His hands touched everywhere. Roamed along her sides and around her back, up her arms and cupped the sides of her neck. He wanted to touch her everywhere. It felt so good to hold her and the way she moaned made him assume she was enjoying it just as much. It had been ages since she had been touched and that was fine because she didn’t want anyone to touch her but Harry. His hands were warm and felt so good on her back. Even through her dress. Even though it was summer and very warm, she shivered and nuzzled closer. The car was too small and the space between them was too big. “Baby, can we—”

“Yes,” she whispered. It didn’t matter what he asked. She was a yes to anything he said. He groaned into her mouth and slid his hands between them, lifting the skirt of her dress just above her hips so everything was covered but easier to access.

“Kitten,” he moaned when she reached between them as well and fiddled with the button of his jeans. Why on earth would he have a condom? The thought of being with anyone else so intimately was laughable. “I don’t have—”

“I don’t care.”

He groaned again and kissed down the length of her neck, his tongue poking out to lick at the spots he kissed. She thought she was going to pass out, but she didn’t want to miss a second of this feeling. So, she refused to pass out. “I forgot,” he was breathless as he shifted trying to make space between them so he could pull his pants down just a little more, just enough. “Forgot how much I missed this.”

“What did you miss?” She whispered just as breathlessly, her lips against his neck as he reached between the two of them, slid his fingers against her underwear and pushed it to the side. She whimpered at the light friction of his knuckle barely grazing her clit even though it wasn’t his intention.

Harry’s moans were nearly obscene. They turned her to jelly. “I missed everything, kitten. Everything.”

She shivered again at his response. When she felt him lining himself up, pressing through her folds so easily because she was already an aching wet mess for him, she cried out again. The electric feeling coursed through her and it wasn’t fair that she made him lose this feeling for three years. “Oh,” she tucked her face into his neck.

“I’m... fuck, baby,” he whispered as the head of his cock slipped deeper inside her. He didn’t want to know if she had sex while he was gone. In his mind he was the only person that got to be inside her like this—to feel her like this. His voice was raspy. Not even a whisper really. “I’m not...” his other hand that wasn’t helping her slip further down on him cupped the back of her neck. “S’not going t’last...” He couldn’t even give a time frame because he was so far gone. “S’been...”

She didn’t want to know how long it had been for him. The idea he had sex with someone else would probably make her inconsolable while he was inside her and it wasn’t anyone’s fault but her own. She shook her head and kissed the space just below his ear that used to drive him crazy. “I don’t mind,” she promised.

“God,” he closed his eyes and pressed his face to the front of her chest. Her dress was still in the way, but he wanted to rip it off her. He couldn’t because as much as he was enjoying this—and yes, he would have loved to feel her nipples in his mouth—he refused the risk of anyone seeing her naked like that. This was already bolder than anything they had ever done before—and the intimacy of seeing her fall apart was for him only. A possessive stance he would never let go of.

“Oh my God,” she whispered. It was too hot in the car; her skin was damp with sweat from pressing so close to Harry and the exertion of fitting in the small space between him and the steering wheel. She wanted nothing more than to stay glued to Harry like that, his dick deep inside her for as long as she lived. They really were two puzzle pieces just meant to fit together. For a brief moment she paused the way she was moving slowly up and down his cock; hoping that maybe she would just die in that car because at least this would be the last thing she ever did. Their breathing stilled, quieted. He tilted his neck back, smiled as he gazed up at her.

“You’re so beautiful, kitten,” he whispered.

It was embarrassing that she could come that quickly and that hard from just his compliment and he wasn’t even moving inside her.

She gasped so loudly. Her whines and moans releasing from her without warning. She felt distraught and whole. It was practically primal the way she started to bounce up and down again, only ever so slightly, her legs shaking to find purchase on the side of his seat near the door and dodging the seatbelt holder with her knee. It wasn’t conducive to do this here but what choice did they have when they couldn’t wait a second longer?

“Oh my God, fuck, kitten,” he groaned, wrapping his arms tight around her waist, kissing at her throat and the exposed cleavage he did have access too. He met her greedy little bounces to prolong the euphoria that was coursing through her, making her clench around his cock so hard he thought he was going to exist outside of his body. “Baby, I can’t pull out,” he warned her.

They were young, but not in high school young anymore. Getting pregnant wasn’t their worst fear anymore as it was their first go around leading to her going to the doctor and asking for birth control. In fact, getting pregnant probably didn’t even crack the top ten. But even still... “Pill,” she rasped. “Please,” she begged.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned. His hand slid beneath her dress. He pressed the tip of his finger directly on her clit and rubbed perfect little circles on it.

So perfectly, she was going to explode again. The fireworks had nothing on her. “Oh my God, please,” she cried. The plead, the feel of her squeezing around him again, the heat of her and the car... all of it was a heady combination that left Harry completely useless as he finished inside her at the exact moment that she dropped her face to his shoulder again and fluttered around him. As Harry finally released a breath, he had been holding for three years it seemed, he found she was still trying to squeeze her thighs around him to savor the pleasure. He couldn’t blame her. All he wanted to do was make her come over and over.

There were a lot of firsts they shared over their relationship, and Harry was so grateful to have another even after all the time between them. His body twitched as she stayed in place, her breathing finally slowing. Harry felt hot, too hot but didn’t dare remove her from his body. He held her to him as he shifted more, her bum bumped into the car horn. She giggled once and Harry smiled. His breathing slowed, following hers.

The car was silent except for their labored breathing. They were young when they had sex back then. They thought it was good back then. But it didn’t compare to that. She felt a wave of worry that he had practiced all while she was gone. The same worry went right through him nearly at the same time. Maybe she sensed it because he relieved her with one sentence. “I read an embarrassing number of books with scenes like the one we just reenacted.”

Harry sighed with relief; his nose pressed to her ear. His lips brushed her temple and he spoke quietly. “Send me every single page y’read, kitten.”

She giggled making her clench around him as he softened. He groaned involuntarily. He didn’t want to leave her body. Terrified it would never be like this again. As he started to move, she stopped him. “Um... Do you have a towel?” She whispered; her cheeks probably would have flushed asking the question, but it was impossible to tell with the endorphins that flooded her blood doing most of the work now.

Harry felt a little stupid at the moment, so he nodded, then shook his head. He didn’t fully understand her question but wanted to try for her.

“Uhh... here,” he reached in the backseat for a T-shirt with the station’s logo on it. As he shifted, she whimpered at the feeling of him moving inside her again. He kept a hand on her dress, right at her hip and rubbed his thumb soothingly against her.

“I can’t use this and then have you wear it around town,” she frowned.

“Baby,” he snickered. “I wouldn’t wear it... in public," he teased. She lightly hit his chest with the back of her hand.

She slowly pulled off him, falling back into the passenger seat, the T-shirt between her legs. She finger-combed her hair as best she could and checked her makeup for obvious smudges. Harry mussed with his hair quickly and then placed his hand on her knee. She held it with both hands, brought his fingers to her lips and kissed his knuckles no less than ten times.

“That was perfect,” she whispered.

Forget her writing, she was her very own poem. He smiled. “Always, kitten.”

*

Harry took the long way back to her apartment. Her grip didn’t loosen around his hand. Not even when he needed to take a turn. When he finally parked, she looked at him expectantly. “I don’t want t’go,” he whispered. “I would quit right now, if I could. I want t’talk all night and tell y’everything and know everything, kitten. M’so...” he shook his head terrified that if he left right now all the progress, everything would be gone. “I missed you so completely baby. I need t’know everything there is t’know ‘bout you and the last three years and all the thoughts y’had. S’not fair and m’so—”

“Harry,” she smiled, squeezed his hand encouragingly. She brought a hand to his chin and rested her forehead against his. “I’ll see you tomorrow; right after your shift, okay?” she kissed him gently on the lips. A soft brush of promising more.

Relief flooded him. “Yeah?” Their mouths were so close as he spoke, his lips touched hers the entire time.

“I’ll be here,” she promised. That little saying, “it was music to his ears,” never really made much sense to him. But right then it did. It made so much sense. She was music. She was the sun. She was fireworks. “Good night, Harry. Have a good shift,” she whispered and pressed her lips solidly against his once more making him feel like he could do anything.

--

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[hyperpotamianarch]

So, Jewish Fantasy! A very nebulous idea that tries to catch form in many different ways. I don't know much about how it works outside of Israel - I saved the recommendation list that circulated around here but didn't try anything from it yet (outside of Spinning Silver, which I read before I ever saw the list). So, if anything of what I say seems ludicrous to you because you've seen a book that does it well - don't hesitate to recommend it to me! Though I'm not sure how applicable it will be for what I'm about to say.

There are a couple of angles from which one can try to get at Jewish Fantasy: through using Jewish folklore and myth as a basis for your story, through using Jewish characters or by writing out of a Jewish cultural context. In certain stories, different angles tend to be more pronounced - Charashta is based on Midrashim and Jewish folklore, Spinning Silver has Jewish characters, and Agam HaTzlalim is written out of some degree of Jewish culture. Yeah, two of those are Israeli books that weren't translated, feel free to give alternative examples but those are the only one I can safely talk about since I've actually read them.

I could elaborate more on that, but what actually made me want to write a post on the topic was a post about how so much of Fantasy is Greek (in a way) and Sci-Fi is Roman. And that made me think, what about Jewish Fantasy? And while this is a topic I've thought of and been somewhat involved in conversations on for some time now, this is looking at it from a particular angle. An angle which could be examplified by the simple question: why is there no Jewish Disney Princess?

All right, all right, settle down. I know about the Vanollope von Schweetz thing. Quite frankly, considering the source for it is the word of the actress and that it has no effect on the story whatsoever, I think I'm fine with ignoring it. Feel free to shout at me in the comments, hopefully the rest of the post will explain this better.

You see, the problem is that Disney Princesses mostly come from stories about Medieval Europe, and in that particular time and place "Jewish" and "royalty" were inherently contradictory. A Jewish girl couldn't have been a princess, because Jewish communities were never a part of the ruling class. At least not in medieval Europe.

Now the reason what I'm saying is rubbish is because of other contradictory examples, like Mulan or Tiana, and maybe Pocahontas or Esmeralda. And based off of those examples I could probably whip up a couple of ideas on how to do an interesting Jewish Princess story - base it on the Book of Judith, for example, or offer a Jewish twist on some European folktales (which might be hard considering some of them actually have straight up Jewish characters playing as the villains), or... have a movie about Jews assimilating into European culture... Yeah, I can see why Pocahontas or the Hunchback of Notre-Dame might feel a little uncomfortable. But the point is: Fantasy is based on Medieval times, and Jews' role during that time wasn't one of royalty.

You can't really write a medieval Jewish kingdom, because there wasn't really any. And yes, many people try using the Khazarians for that. However, their kingdom was only Jewish for a century, maybe, before it was completely destroyed. Plus, we barely have any data on what it looked like, and its culture was likely very different from Jewish culture. So the medieval presentation of Jews would have to be of a persecuted minority. That, essentially, is what we see in Spinning Silver: a Jewish family in medieval times, a member of which serves as our protagonist. And Maryem is pretty much constantly angry about the antisemitism flourishing all around her. So I suppose that could be an example to follow - along with the stories about Maharal of Prague and the Golem, fighting blood libels.

So, you can portray Jews as an oppressed minority, constantly fighting their persecution. An alternative could probably be following the example of Ḥassidic stories, talking about the Rebbe, the Renter, the Trader and the Widow (regular character archetypes in such tales). You could have the antagonist be the local Pariz, nobleman, or perhaps the gentile that decided to be a robber, or occasionally a fellow Jew who out-leassed your protagonist from their home. All regular tropes in the day-to-day life of an... (checks notes) early modern Eastern Europen Jew? Huh. I suppose it's not exactly the same period.

Either way, if you want your story to be more fuly Jewish, to not always play against the backdrop of a non-Jewish kingdom, you have some interesting options. The first question would be: are you taking from the past or the present? If you choose present, well, you can choose between Diasporan or Israeli culture. In addition, this will more or less constrain you to some type of Urban Fantasy or other Hidden World stories, with not much of an option to delve into Epic Fantasy. If that's what you want to do - great! Go ahead and do that. Personally, I have some degree of a problem with how I've seen Israeli culture portrayed in stories so far, but that's a story unto itself.

If you choose past... well... Jewish history is nothing if not long. And if we're really trying to make a more Jewish backdrop, we'll probably need to pull from Jewish independant states or kingdoms. Of which there are a couple that can be used - Ancient Israel throughout the time of the Tanach, from the Judges through the first kings and the divided kingdoms of Judea and Israel; Yehud Medinta, which while it existed under the Persians had a Jewish governor for certain periods; the Hasmonean Dynasty, with all its ups and downs; the Kingdom of Adiabene, which converted to Judaism for a time; some short-lived Jewish independant states in defiance of the Romans; and of course, the infamous Kingdom of Khazar. There are also legendary kingdoms of the lost 10 tribes, which could possibly work as interesting additions. It is also important to note that in the Tanachic period I included a pretty vast array of periods, including the Judges (periodical local saviors and heroes), the House of Sha'ul (which isn't too easy to characterize), the Davidic Dynasty (Temple! Prophets! A bloodline promised to last! Evrything you might want from a kingdom), and the Kingdom of Israel (a couple of dynasties have their own characteristics, but most didn't survive for long).

Maybe I'll try my hand in suggesting what a kingdom based on the Hasmonean Dynasty could look like later. For now, let us start with: there is no medieval Jewish kingdom, so we'll take one from the Hellenistic period or from the Bronze Age to cover it up! Either that, or we'll try figuring out the structure of the early medieval kingdom that converted to Judaism that one time.

I'm not sure how much of a point I made, really. Thank you for reading, and have a good day!

[dedalvs]

Hey! I'm David Peterson, and a few years ago, I wrote a book called Create Your Own Secret Language. It's a book that introduces middle grade readers to codes, ciphers, and elementary language creation. The age range is like 10-14, but skews a little bit older, as the work gets pretty complicated pretty quick. I think 12-13 is the best age range.

Anyway, I decided to look at the Amazon page for it a bit ago, and it's rated fairly well (4.5 at the moment), but there are some 1 star reviews, and I'm always curious about those. Usually they're way off, or thought the book was going to be something different (e.g. "This book doesn't teach you a thing about computer coding!"), but every so often there's some truth in there. (Oh, one not 1 star but lower rated review said they gave it to their 2nd grader, but they found it too complicated. I appreciate a review like that, because I am not at all surprised—I think it is too complicated for a 2nd grader—and I think a review like that is much more effective than a simple 10+ age range on the book.) The first 1 star rating I came to, though, was this:

Now calling a completely mild description of a teenage girl who has a crush on another girl controversial is something I take exception to, but I don't want to pile on this person. Instead I wanted to share how this section came to be in the book.

The book is essentially divided into four parts. The first three parts deal with different ciphers or codes that become more complicated, while the last part describes elementary language creation. The first three sections are each built around a message that the reader can decode, but with language creation, the possibilities are too numerous and too complicated, so there isn't an example to decode, or anything. It would've been too difficult.

For what the messages to decode are about, though, I could do, potentially, anything, so at first I thought to tie them into a world of anthropomorphic animals (an ongoing series of battles between cats and mice), with messages that are being intercepted and decoded. My editor rejected that. Then I redid it so that each section had an individual story that had to do with some famous work of literature. My editor rejected that as well. He explained that it needed to be something that was relevant to kids of the target age range. I was kind of at a loss, for a bit, but then I thought of a story of kids sending secret messages about their uncle who eats too many onions. I shared that, my editor loved it, and I was like, all right. I can do this.

The tough part for me in coming up with mini-stories to plan these coded messages around was coming up with a reason for them to be secret. That's the whole point of a code/cipher: A message you want to be sure no one else but the intended recipient can read in case the message is intercepted. With the first one, two kids are poking gentle fun at a family member, so they want to be sure no one else can read what they're writing. For the last one, a boy is confessing to a diary, because he feels bad that he allowed his cat to escape, but no one knows he did it (he does find the cat again). For the other, I was trying to think of plausible message-sending scenarios for a preteen/teen, and I thought of how we used to write notes in, honestly, 4th and 5th grade, but I aged it up a bit, and decided to have a story about a girl writing a note to her friend because she has a crush on another girl, and wants her friend's opinion/help.

Here's where the point of sharing this comes in. As I had originally written it, the girl's note to her friend was not just telling her friend about her crush, it was also a coming out note, and she was concerned what her parents would react poorly.

Anyway, I sent that off with the rest of my draft, and I got a bunch of comments back on the whole draft (as expected), but my editor also commented on that story, in particular. Specifically, he noted that not every LGBTQ+ story has to be a coming out story, the part about potential friction between her and her parents because of it was a little heavy for the book, and, in general, not every coming out story has to be traumatic.

That was all he said, but I immediately recognized the, in hindsight, obvious truth of all three points, and I was completely embarrassed. I changed it immediately, so that the story beats are that it's a crush, she's not sure if it'll be reciprocated, and she's also very busy with school and band and feels like this will be adding even more busy-ness to her daily life as a student/teen. Then I apologized for making such a blunder. My editor was very good about it—after all, that's what drafts and editors are for—and that was a relief, but I'm still embarrassed that I didn't think of it first.

But, of course, this is not my lived experience, not being a member of the LGBTQ+ community. This is the very reason why you have sensitivity readers—to provide a vantage point you're blind to. In this case, I was very fortunate to have an editor who was thinking ahead, and I'm very grateful that he was there to catch it. That editor, by the way, is Justin Krasner.

One reason I wanted to share this, though, is that while it always is a bit of a difficult thing to speak up, because there might be a negative reaction, sometimes there is no pushback at all. Indeed, sometimes the one being called out is grateful, because we all have blindspots due to our own lived experiences. You can't live every life. For that reason, your own experience will end up being valuable to someone at some point in time for no other reason than that you lived it and they didn't. And, by the by, this is also true for the present, because the lives we've lived cause us to see what's going on right before our eyes in different lights.

Anyway, this is a story that wouldn't have come out otherwise, so I wanted to be sure to let everyone know that Justin Krasner ensured that my book was a better book. An editor's job is often silent and thankless, so on Thanksgiving, I wanted to say thank you, Justin. <3

[tarttheart]

KNITWORTHY - JAMIE TARTT x YOU

summary: you pick up knitting and Jamie could not be more supportive.

word count: 1.4k

warnings: language

1.

The first time you made anything for Jamie, it was a plain pair of socks in a sandy beige colour. It was nothing fancy and you were certain one side was longer than the other. It had been a long time since you last knit so you were just happy to have finished something after impulsively picking up some yarn and needles again after work one day. Work had been manic and you were looking for something to help you unwind each night. Picking up the needles again just seemed right.

“I love them. Babe, these are fucking amazing,” Jamie proclaimed.

You probably would not have believed Jamie solely based on his words but his awestruck expression spoke heaps to how he felt. And, if that had not been enough, watching him proudly pull them on in the morning to wear to Nelson Road was all the proof you needed that the man was knit-worthy.

Knitted socks were not the most common sight around Nelson Road, especially not on one Jamie Tartt. Sports socks had long been his sock of choice until recently. While the beige socks had gotten a couple of curious looks, it was nothing too peculiar given how temperatures had dropped in the past week or so. It seemed a simple and effective solution to keeping warm, so effective that a few others decided to jump on the bandwagon.

“My toes feel like they’re at the beach in Chacala. I can hear the waves calling,” Dani quipped the first time he tried wearing woolly socks to training.

“Me too, boyo, it doesn’t even matter I look like I’m wearing my granddad’s socks,” Colin agreed.

2.

You had gotten hooked on knitting hats. After making yourself three in the span of a month, you were on the hunt for more heads to make beanies for. Luckily, Jamie kindly volunteered and even got involved with the process, choosing a bold, variegated yarn for his beanie. It took no time at all and within a week of casting on, Jamie was rocking his new headwear at Nelson Road.

It was definitely an unusual sight, not seeing an ICON cap atop Jamie’s head but with how chilly it had been, no one thought too much about it.

“I didn’t realise you wore beanies,” Keeley commented one day as she passed him in the hallway.

“Fuck yeh, I do now,” Jamie replied.

“Looks good,” Keeley offered and Jamie practically bounced away much to Keeley’s amusement.

He came home to tell you about how good your beanies looked and it had to be true because Keeley said so and Keeley knows all about fashion.

“Babe, babe, I think you could fucking sell these and making a fucking fortune,” Jamie continued excitedly and you laughed.

3.

Following the success of the first pair of socks, you knew another pair had to be made. It took a little while but when you chanced upon a yarn colourway called “Tart”, you were sold. Sure, it probably was not a colour in Jamie’s usual colour palette but it was a nice wine colour that you were confident he would look good in regardless.

The last pair of socks had been a real plain vanilla pair of socks and having had a little more practice now, you were ready to dive into something more textured for Jamie’s second pair of socks.

You were pretty proud of the end product and you swore Jamie lit up brighter than the New York City skyline when you handed them over. He had been eagerly awaiting their completion, watching you like a hawk each night and trying to figure out when you would have them done. One pair of woolly socks just was not enough to satisfy the man now that he had gotten a taste of toasty toes.

Jamie gave you no time or opportunity to wash the socks before he wore them. He needed these socks in his life right away and you were happy to oblige. Jamie excitedly wore his socks to Nelson Road the next day which caught a few more eyes this time. Afterall, it was even more of an unusual look for Jamie.

“Pretty sure those are hand knitted,” Bumbercatch commented from across the locker room one day as the resident knitting know-it-all.

“Yeh, his mum probably made it for him, bruv,” Issac said dismissively.

It had been a fair guess. Afterall, no one knew you existed. You were a naturally private person and you knew all that came with being Jamie’s girlfriend. What if it didn’t last and you had to then deal with all the fallout? Jamie understood and you agreed you two could go semi-public after Christmas if you guys were still together then. While Jamie had initially been disappointed, he came to really enjoy having something that was truly his. No media, no team chatter.

*

Jamie decided he had been benefitting too much from your new hobby without properly compensating you for your time and effort. Remembering that Bumbercatch was an avid knitter, Jamie stopped him one day seeking advice on tools he could get you to further your craft.

“What would you get as a present for a knitter?” Jamie asked Bumbercatch after everyone else had emptied from the locker room.

“Yarn is always good. There’s local yarn shop a few blocks away that has a good selection and they have some good tools too,” Bumbercatch offered.

With Christmas round the corner, Bumbercatch did not think much about it. Based on what he had been led to believe, Jamie was likely buying something for his mum.

4.

It had been a real labour of love. When Jamie had presented you with a beyond generous amount on a gift card and a set of fancy interchangeable needles, you knew you had to go big for his Christmas present. It had been a little hard to hide all the balls of yarn you had had to buy. It was even trickier trying not to make his present in front of him because you knew you would crack and tell him what it was the moment he gave you his big adoring eyes. But, all the late nights spent knitting out of Jamie’s sight and afternoons spent hiding in cafes to knit had been worth it.

“Babe, you fucking made this?”

You had been so excited to present him your pièce de résistance you were practically vibrating as he held up the cream cabled sweater vest. You knew it was not his usual look but it felt special making something not basic for Jamie.

“I know it’s not exactly the Jamie Tartt style but I wanted to do something more instead of just a basic knit. I would’ve made you a sweater but I didn’t want the sweater curse to come true so I thought maybe a vest would be a good loophole? You don’t have to wear it out or at a—…”

Jamie did not let you finish blabbering because he grabbed your face to plant an appreciative kiss on your lips.

“I’m fucking wearing this everywhere, love, this thing is fucking magic,” Jamie proclaimed and you were not quite sure what he meant by magic but you appreciated the thought anyway.

The first day back at training after Christmas had most buzzing. It was always nice and energizing to have a good break with loved ones, whether it was spent with their own families or Higgins’. But, when Jamie walked in in his cozy cream cabled sweater vest like he was in a hallmark movie, the whole facility stilled.

“Morning, lads,” Jamie greeted, paying no attention to way the room had quietened after his entry.

Bumbercatch nudged Colin who stood next to him, “I think Jamie has a girlfriend.”

“What’s got you thinking that, boyo?”

“That vest. It’s a recent release online by a big knitwear designer. It’s not a mum pattern. See?”

Colin and Isaac looked at the page on Bumbercatch’s phone and he was right. The vest Jamie was wearing looked almost identical to the one in the photo.

“It could—…”

Sick of all the speculations, Isaac turned and yelled out to Jamie, “BRUV!”

“Yea, man? What’s got your knickers in a twist?”

“Your vest. Who made it?”

“Oh,” Jamie paused for a moment before remembering that Christmas had passed and it was now safe for him to answer, “me girlfriend. She’s a fucking knitting genius.”

[sehtoast]

Tender Threads ( Homelander x OC )

chapter one: first impressions

chapter directory

summary: holding the heart of a self-proclaimed god is hard work, but someone's gotta do it. who'd have ever thought it would be some nobody, a simple street level hero-branded-vigilante, who would ascend to one of the seven coveted thrones and do just that?

tags: slow burn, hurt/comfort, fluff, spidersona as original character, original trans male character, smut, sublander

It’s a night like any other in the concrete jungle of New York City.  A streak of red swings through the streets by lines of webbing, eyes peeled for anyone disrupting the peace in his friendly neighborhood.  Well, not his neighborhood exactly.  He was just a vigilante after all.  There’s plenty of fun to pick from, but only one instance could be so special to the city’s one and only Spider-Man– to Benjamin.

It’s not the quippy banter with the thugs breaking into the back of a bodega, nor is it the amusement he gets from webbing each of the fools in one big pile on the ground that makes this night memorable.  It’s the interruption, the anomaly that appears all too silently from the sky.

“And just what do we have here, hm?” 

The bug turns in surprise, steeling himself against the rush of anxiety that shoots through his veins.  This is no ordinary supe here to gripe about him stealing their thunder.  This is a man– a god, perhaps– in a whole ‘nother league. 

Ben would recognize him by voice alone because it was impossible not to hear it at least once a day.  Hell, hide the costume and he’d probably still recognize that face– because it’s everywhere. Billboards, magazines, fucking cereal boxes– you name it, he’s probably there.

Before him stands The Homelander, captain of The Seven, pretty much the face of Vought International.  World’s most powerful supe.

“Oh, y’know.”  He gestures.  “Riffraff doing what they do, and me doing what I do.”

“Nicely done,” Homelander says, professional smile etched into his face like he’d rehearsed this.  “You know, good work like this is why we’ve been nipping at your heels, kiddo.  Really wish you’d stop making us chase you around.”

And there it is.  This was no chance meeting– as if one of the big boys from The Seven would ever be caught dead in an alley in Harlem of all places.  Spidey cocks a brow behind his mask.  Vought must be desperate.

See, he’s been particularly unlucky lately.  

Even before he donned the mantle of Spider-Man, it was never about being in the big leagues.  Benjamin mused upon the idea of it, but he could never find himself truly taken with the idea of selling himself as a hero.  Not only was the mere idea of commercializing his ability to do a unique good revolting, it would strip away one of the only true freedoms he has.  Of course, Vought knew nothing of his reasons– not that they’d care either way– and were ardently pursuing him to fill the now vacant seat formerly belonging to Translucent.

And now, as his luck would have it, they’ve sent their biggest dog to fetch their desired toy.

Benjamin’s sixth sense tells him nothing in the moment.  No hidden danger, no tickling of warnings to bolt.  A goose chase spanning two months finally coming to a titanic head as The fucking Homelander himself holds him not-quite-hostage in an alleyway. 

“You’re still their top pick, you know,” Homelander says, nodding over to the webbed pile of crooks.  “You play by their rules without even being on the team.  A little… sloppy, but effective.  Tell me, how is it you’re going to turn down a spot in the biggest of the big leagues, hm?  You’ve pretty much skipped the line.”  Homelander scuffs the sole of his boot against the ground, kicking a pebble to the side as he meanders closer.  “What, is vigilantism more fun?  You like having all those warrants?  Vought could clear ‘em up.  Get you set straight in the eyes of the law, make you official.  Pay you for your late night troubles…”

Ben bristles as he comes closer.  It’s not the proximity necessarily, it���s… 

It’s like he’s looking straight through the mask.  

Benjamin releases a tight breath.  “My answer isn’t changing.” He says firmly, despite the anxiety cooking in his chest.  He is not a confident man by any stretch.  The most bravado he’ll ever know in his life comes from being Spidey.  Nobody can see him– nobody knows who he is when he’s got the mask on. He can be whoever he wants.  But right now he feels see through.  

Pick your words carefully,  he thinks to himself.

“I’m not a show pony for Vought to extort.”

Don’t cave– do not give him that satisfaction.  It’s what he wants.

He wouldn’t work for Vought.  He’s chosen years of barely scraping by rather than taking a tech job with them as a regular person, why the fuck would he do it as a supe?  What, he’s just supposed to ignore the endless skeletons in their closet?  The pain and suffering, all the people he’s seen online talking about how Vought threw money at them to not sue after some accident or another only to up and disappear?  

Ben idolized heroes for so long.  His powers didn’t manifest until his late teens and he grew up wanting to be just like the superheroes that made the world a better place– until he realized that those types were so few and far between that they might as well not even exist.  All of his childhood heroes were NDAs and settlements, pain and suffering, all covered with media stunts and weak, lazy apologies.  Posters were torn down, action figures tossed in the trash– he moved on and eventually became the hero he wished his idols would've been.

“Show pony? Pfffft,” Homelander laughs, blowing a raspberry.  “Please.  Look at yourself.  Skin tight red and blue suit, leaving messes of webs everywhere you go.  Hate to break it to you, kiddo, but you’re already there.”

“They parade you guys around like trophies,” Ben counters, trying to keep the edge off his tone.  “I’m not in this to make money for some rich-fuck shareholders, y’know.”

“And?  See, you told every single agent before me that you were in ‘this’ to make a difference.”

Fuck.

“You know how much fucking range you’d have in The Seven?”  Homelander splays his arms wide as if to show the scale of the world.  Agitation is starting to write itself on his face, leaking free in the twitches of his eye and those rapid blinks.  He clearly didn’t expect to have to work for this.  “You could help anyone anywhere, all you have to do is say yes.”

The worst part?  That’s not technically a lie.  And it’s not not tempting. 

“I’m sure you’ll see reason,”  Homelander smirks, sauntering just the slightest bit closer.  “Benjamin.”

The bug’s heart drops to his gut, eyes going wide and glancing in the direction of the pile of webbed crooks in the hopes they neither heard nor will a last name be following. 

Fuck, fuck– 

They have his name. 

“Don’t–”

“Don’t what?”  Homelander asks innocently, lips curling even sharper.  “You really thought we wouldn’t know who you are?  Pff– hah!  Please.”

Closer and closer, every step feeling like a lifetime.

“I can see through that mask, you know.  Can see how scared you are.” Homelander tuts as he comes within arms reach.  “I can hear the pitter patter of your little heart…”

Ben gulps, breaths coming heavy.

“And…”  Homelander leans forward, voice a whisper. “I’m sure you understand, Mister Colyer, that I could kill you right now…”  A hand falls to rest on Ben’s shoulder, gripping tight.  “I really don’t like being told no.”

Ben’s voice shakes and his knees quake, totally ready to dart as soon as the words leave his mouth. 

“I'm… not– I'm not doing it.”

His sixth sense doesn’t stir.

Homelander’s bluffing.  But, really… So is he.

It’s like the world froze.  Time stands still as they stare at one another.  Benjamin can see the anger dancing in Homelander’s eyes, but nothing comes of it.

Not even when the bug backs away and that leather clad hands falls free from his shoulder.

“Look, uh… this was nice, y’know?”

Smooth, Ben.  Smooth.

“But uh, just call me Randy Jackson, because it’s uhm... it's gonna be a no from me, dawg.”  Terrible time for humor, but something had to break the tension.  “Goodbye, Homelander.” 

And with that, Ben bolts, vaulting up and off the side of a building to propel himself into the night.  

Homelander remains in the alley, still stunned, a piercing ring deafening the world around him.  He lingers, thoughts racing.

Turned down by the bug, huh champ?

Of course, of fucking course there would be some commentary.

“Hey big guy, you gonna let us go?”  

And of course there’s some filth bold enough to interrupt him.

Homelander turns, eye twitching as he scans the pile of mud practically cocooned in webbing.  They expect him to release them.  After all, Spider-Man is a vigilante.  None of his catches are technically official, though there’s usually enough evidence for that fact to be ignored.

“C’mon, you know we ain’t done no harm!  Me and the boys were just walkin’ by is all.”  

The man in question chuckles nervously at him.

Homelander saunters closer, hands behind his back.  He stands over the man, inspecting every little detail.  The growing fear in his eyes, the way he sweats.

Putrid. Echoes the voice in his mind.  Remind them of who they’re talking to. Of the god they disrespect.

He lifts his foot, placing it dead center on the man’s chest.

“No– please, I didn’t–”

He presses down slowly, grin etching onto his face as pleas turn to tight gasps.  The others in the webbing try to scramble, but they can’t escape.

They’re at his mercy.  As they should be.

A crunching sound precedes his favorite part.  Ribs and muscle give way and a loud squelch graces his ears and the ringing– oh the ringing stops. It's serene, knowing what power he holds.  What iron fist he truly has wrapped around the neck of this world.

Attaboy.

To think they’d think him so low as to aid them.  To think they’d get to live after seeing him rejected so brazenly.

Now for the rest.

As he takes care of the others, he wonders just how persuasive he'll need to be with the little spider.  What threads must he pull to get his way?

[st-whalefall]

I’m taking a big ol’ swing with this one so everyone please keep your limbs inside the vehicle until we reach our destination (let me cook)

So, what happened here? For this to go from-

Goofy ass grin <3

Summer: “Trust me..”

To this-

Raven: “The creatures of Grimm have a master named Salem. She can’t be stopped, she can’t be reasoned with, and she will not rest until humanity crumbles at her feet.”

Raven: To Ruby with disdain, “You sound just like your mother.”

Let me lay some of my cards on the table. I’m in the “Summer is still alive” camp and I got thoughts on: if Summer is still alive, why has she not been in Yang and Ruby’s life?

Not even a peep? For 14 years?

Something BIG had to have happened to her to keep her away from them.

Now, a lot of folks will go straight to where Ruby jumped to: Summer got Grimm hound-ed by Salem

But I think that’s takes a lot of agency away from Summer and the building revelation of her character and the purpose she serves in the narrative.

If Summer has been grimmified, I posit it was by her own doing, by choice. And her choice alone.

Qrow: “You’re special the same way your mom was…The creatures of Grimm were afraid of those silver eyed warriors.”

Salem: “Do you feel it? Don’t fight it girl. It can sense your trepidation. You must make it dread you.”

How does Salem illustrate the melding of Cinders flesh with the Grimm arm and mastery over it?

In the few instances we get, how are silver eyes described in their effect on Grimm? Obliteration, yes. Resistance to their influence? Possibly (see Ruby & the apathy). But command over them? Let’s explore that.

We are working with a pretty small dataset here, so you’ll forgive me for mostly drawing from Cinder for this (separate post I think the hound is a reanimated corpse and so different from true living hybrids like Cinder (& hypothetically Summer)).

Grimm evolve and Grimm hybrids, like Cinder, adapt.

From vol4 to vol8, Cinder’s Grimm arm grows. It spreads. And she becomes more comfortable with it as time progresses.

Cinders Grimm arm has become an integral part of her and, side note, I dislike theories that revolve her hypothetical redemption around her being purified of evil (Grimm) by silver eyes.

[But that’s just me, I want the monstrous to stay monstrous rather than erased or watered down for easy digestion. Let the monster stay a monster in its appearance and still be worthy of love, and so on and so forth.]

So, we come back to Summer Rose.

Summer confronted Salem, learned something earth shattering, destroyed Raven’s faith and trust in her, and did something that prevented her from returning to her daughters for more than a decade.

What did Summer do? Agency, we’re thinking strong choices here.

Choices that are radical but in line for a character with strong convictions, an alluded to pedestal she stands upon and all the complexes that comes with, perhaps a little self destructive, and a big heart. Big enough to sympathize with the devil and do something about it.

The thing that could be preventing Summer from returning home could be as simple as:

After she learned the truth about Oz’s shadow war, she joined Salem’s side, and won’t return until she’s seen it through to the end.

But I want to put some spice on there because what if:

After learning whatever it was Salem told Summer, that turned her world upside down, Summer looked down into the pools of black and took the plunge

To understand Salem on a molecular level

To be Grimm as Salem is Grimm

To be a world changer

In the world of Remnant, that’s what the Grimm are. A force of destructive change, like hurricanes and wildfires, they shape the world through calamity. Disaster doesn’t feel any one way about you, it just is. It is devastating, but it doesn’t hate you. And it doesn’t love you either.

So, what would that make Summer?

How do you think that’s changed her, fundamentally?

Bloody evolution indeed.

And that’s why she stayed away. Summer changed, and now she looks a little more on the outside how she feels on the inside. But to the rest of the world, she is something horrifying. Unspeakable.

She didn’t want to give her girls nightmares.

Yeah, Summer was the inspiration for the Hound, and Cinder’s Grimm arm. But not in the way Ruby thinks.

[itsbenedict]

Games I Played In 2024 And Whether Or Not I Thought They Were Good (Part 3/4)

[1] - [2] - 3 - [4]

More of them! I've been doing these roughly in chronological order so I'm going to have more to say about these ones probably.

Another Crab's Treasure

Haaaaaah. Mixed feelings on this one!

The idea is that it's a Dark Souls game, only, like, vibrant and colorful and ocean-themed. You're a hermit crab who's trying to get his shell back! Cute!

First off: if you get this game, do not get it on the Switch. It is broken on Switch. Like, crashes regularly, freezes up on simple object interactions, drops frames all the time... it's rough. I've seen LPs of people playing the PC version, where it looks and plays much better, so that's probably what you want to do instead. I'm shocked Nintendo let them release it on their store in this state.

And... that kind of colors my perception of the gameplay, too, because it turns out soulslike difficulty gets way more frustrating if you're usually dying to the game freezing up during an enemy attack, or the camera getting stuck where you couldn't see the tell animation, or some other technical issue that completely wasn't your fault. I was fighting the game every step of the way.

That said, I can easily see the version of the game that works, and the gameplay's pretty fun! The various shell powers, the rolling mechanics, and the smart enemy design make it really smooth to play when it's actually running at full FPS. The environment design is also really good, and overall it's very well-executed.

Hated the story, though. What a mess. It's... totally thoughtless doomer nonsense, whose primary message is "capitalism bad!" while completely failing to depict any capitalism and instead having the government be bad. It's all half-formed ideas from people with no model of how the world actually works- just a vague sense of anger at powerlessness and disenfranchisement, directed at incoherent strawmen. The speech where the evil corrupt mayor tells you that laws exist to make it legal for him to kill anyone who defies him is especially eye-rolling- as is the strawman of techno-optimism who shows up as the surprise final boss. Just idiotic stuff.

None of its metaphors even work on its own terms- like the thing where pollution is a nebulous force of corruption caused by greed in the hearts of the crabs who hoard trash, except that the greedy trash hoarders live in the clean colorful heights and the poors with no trash live in the polluted undercity with too much trash. Wait, what? Yeah.

Fun though.

Loop Hero

This one was really cool! It feels like there's some potential it had that it didn't realize, but I enjoyed it as a smaller experience anyway.

The idea is... the world's been destroyed, and you can sort of bring it back by remembering. As you walk along this desolate looped path autobattling enemies in search of a boss, you can put down tiles that change it- biomes that spawn different types of monsters, buildings that give you buffs, and terrain with global effects. As you progress, you unlock more types of tiles, and learn synergies between different types of tiles that create new effects.

There's a lot of these, and they're really cool. Like, put down nine mountains or hills in a square, and bam, you get a tall peak that spawns harpies to fight. Or put forests next to a lightning tower, and get burning forests that, uh, I think lower everyone's HP or something? Place a light source next to a field, and it blooms with flowers, doubling its XP bonus or whatever it is those do.

My problem I think is just that there's not enough of them. Each type of tile has between two and four different kinds of interactions with other tiles, and you don't really get too many elaborate combos. Most types of tiles ignore each other. I kind of wish there'd been a little more depth to these systems, with more surprising interactions with older terrain types as you unlocked new ones. Let me run a river past a spider nest and get diving bell spiders, or put a storm tower next to a vampire castle to spawn frankensteins! The surprise tile synergies were the most exciting part, and there was definitely room to include more of them.

The story had some kind of cool things to say about, like, the weight of creation, passing judgment on the world, deciding what has the right to exist. I don't know that it really explores it fully, but there's something there!

Hades II

Yep, this thing's in early access! And no surprise: it's good as hell. I've wasted far too much time in it.

Gameplay-wise, it's going to be pretty familiar if you've played Hades, but there's a few major changes. The most impactful, I've found, is that you only get one dash. No upgrading it with the mirror or getting more from Hermes- you get one, and then can hold down the button to run slightly faster if you gotta move fast. This makes Melinoe play very differently from Zagreus, who favored getting in close and overwhelming foes with a flurry of blows before zipping back out with dashes when things get hairy. Melinoe needs to stay safe a lot more than Zag does, and relies on her ranged options to do so.

(There's also a few other tweaks- every attack comes with a charged version that costs mana from a mana bar, olympian calls are replaced with "moon blessings", and of course all the weapons are new and take some getting used to- but the dash is the biggest thing.)

The story, this time, is fascinatingly weird. It concerns a war between the gods and the titan Chronos, and... it's not entirely clear if you're on the right side of it. They play up how callous and evil the gods are with respect to mortal life, and have multiple supporting characters who put this concern front and center where Hades 1 kind of sidelined it. But Melinoe is this weird, uptight honor student type of character with a strong sense of propriety and familial loyalty, and kind of doesn't care about that compared to her quest to rescue her family.

It keeps, like... dropping hints that you're not really on the right side, here? Chronos is personally unpleasant and loathsome, but you keep getting little hints that what he's actually doing is an improvement over how the gods were running things. Various character arcs seem to be headed in a "the gods suck and you should stick up for your non-god friends" direction, but...

...I mean, they can't actually do that, can they? Just, structurally! It's a roguelike, meant to be infinitely replayable! Hades 1 had a pretty elegant resolution to that problem, reframing the gameplay as something that can fit without the central conflict, but I can't imagine how Hades 2 could possibly do that. An entire section of the world takes place on a fleet of ghost ships sailing to join the war effort! Even Melinoe failing to grow and just winning seems incompatible with the game continuing. A good chunk of the game doesn't exist without the conflict! I don't see how they can possibly put a bow on all this, and I'm excited to see how they try.

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

My favorite game from my childhood has received an updated rerelease on Switch... and they did it right. You gotta check this out.

I've talked about why TTYD is great before- I think one of the first posts on this blog, waaaaaay back in the day when my posts were bad and you shouldn't go looking for them? But the upshot is: the battle system uses small numbers, and you can figure out exactly what kind of damage you can dish out and take in a given turn, and plan your risk-taking and resource management around it precisely- in a way you can't really do when you've got big damage numbers with RNG ranges of outcomes. All the risk is in the execution of your guards and special moves, which let you attempt harder inputs in exchange for more favorable outcomes, with a chance that you'll fail because you fucked up,

Going back to it after so long... honestly, with fresh eyes, the writing isn't quite as lively as I remember? Like, I remember a big reason I was disappointed by later PM games was that there were no partners, or that the partners didn't really talk or figure into the story. But... honestly, TTYD does have that same problem, outside of the chapters where those characters are introduced. Once someone's In Your Party, their relevance is kind of over, and they all deliver pretty similar filler lines while out. That's something they could maybe improve on in a proper sequel.

Still, the writing generally remains sharp and very funny, and the variety of scenarios it throws at you are great. And the remake adds a few things that really enhance the experience- like new remixes of the battle theme for every chapter, and extra animations for every character, even the random background nobodies. You can hit NPCs with your hammer and they'll play a little "hey, ow!" animation now! Different characters get different dialogue bleep sounds! And they added a warp hub for backtracking, so the General White quest isn't so tedious! And a warp pipe between Creepy Steeple and Twilight Town, to cut out like an hour of pointless backtracking! All the changes they made were really smart.

(Including: putting Vivian's trans stuff back in the script, after it was cut in the original localization. Good on you, Nintendo!)

Pokérogue

I was weak. I held out two months, and then gave in. And I regret everything.

This fucking thing ate multiple months of my life. It's... infuriatingly addictive. It boils the Pokémon experience down to this ultra-tuned flow state, with accelerated levelups and mechanics to streamline the game into a roguelike form factor, and it's so goddamn tight. Every moment of it is setting you up with a thing you can do next, so there's no stopping points- just new goal after new goal after new goal. It totally hijacked my brain until I beat the damn thing into submission, doing absolutely everything it's possible to do in it.

Except "ever voluntarily using Skwovet", because fuck that thing.

Don't play this. It's bad for you.

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree

Technically not a new game, but the DLC is basically an entire new game, with a map about the size of the base game and its own progression system and story.

I don't have too much to say about the DLC itself! It's More Elden Ring. Miquella's story is cool and tragic, the final boss was a terrifying surprise, and the new environments and enemy designs were sick as hell. If you liked Elden Ring for those things, there's more of it here! 'Nuff said.

What stuck out to me was... I started a new character and a whole fresh playthrough of the game, because I didn't know what the entry point to the DLC was. And while last time, I built a strength-focused warrior with tons of HP, this time I decided to try out a totally different build and play a squishy wizard with ranged attacks. And the game was so different like that! Still balanced, still fun, but completely a different game.

Instead of being about getting in close, staying in close, and sticking around for a long time while finding openings to attack, it became about staying at a safe distance, dodging projectiles, and retaliating with nuke spells to end fights before bosses could get much of a chance to hit me. Some areas that were a huge problem for me before were trivialized by my reusable ranged blasts, and some areas that were no trouble were suddenly a difficulty cliff because there was no way to be effective at range. I'm surprised at how much of a transformation it was! Impressive feat of design.

WEBFISHING

This is a cute little multiplayer fishing game based off Animal Crossing's fishing system. It's a relaxing little second-screen game without too much going on! Not too much to say about it- it does what it sets out to do. Kinda wish they'd tried a little harder for some of the fish "jokes", though- a lot of them are anti-humor about not having a joke for this one. I will retaliate by... not having much of a review for this one.

DEATHLOOP

This thing was fuckin' cool. You're an amnesiac trapped in a time loop- but not just any time loop. The people on this island came here specifically to trap themselves in a time loop, where they could kill each other and live out hedonistic fantasies with no consequences, but something fucked up and now only you and a crazy lady who's trying to kill you are actually experiencing the loop. For everyone else, it's their first day, and they don't take kindly to you trying to break the loop and ruin their fun.

In order to break the loop, you have to kill a bunch of important assholes (called "Visionaries") who've somehow anchored the loop to themselves. But you've got to do it in a single day, and they're scattered all over this huge island- so you've got to come up with a plan. Find ways to manipulate where they'll be at what times, when they'll be vulnerable, and line up that perfect killstreak.

It's fun stuff. Initially, it seems impossible- they're too spread out, too inaccessible, too heavily-defended. But as you work on figuring them out one at a time, you learn lots of little details about gaps in their defenses, ways to fuck with their routines, and traps you can set for them so they'll die without you needing to be present. It's like a mystery game, even though the minute-to-minute gameplay is a pretty standard stealth action shooter.

(Said gameplay's pretty fun on its own- though weirdly, the starting pistol pretty much kills everything in the game in one headshot and has perfect accuracy, so I'm not sure why they bother giving you other guns. I upgraded to Frank's SMG which is basically the same gun but it reloads instantly, and basically never needed to use anything else.)

The story's... a little weird. It tries to focus on the relationship between Colt and Julianna (your also-looping nemesis trying to stop you from breaking the loop), but like... she's not... there, except as an annoying random superboss encounter that sometimes spawns in the middle of you trying to do other shit. She's just a voice over the radio that snarks at you and doesn't have any relationships with any of the other characters.

So like, ultimately you learn a twist about who she was to you before you lost your memory, and she explicates her reasons for wanting to protect the loop, and there's like, some decent character work being done there?

Buuuuuut, in attempting to foreground this character dynamic and make it the main resolution to the game, they kind of forgot to give a satisfying resolution to anything else. Like, these seven people you spend the whole game obsessively stalking and learning everything about so you can efficiently murder them in one go... don't really get a resolution other than being anticlimactically murdered. And there's like no resolution to like, what is the loop and how does it work and why did it get fucked up and what are the stakes here. It's all so meticulously done that I get the impression some writer somewhere answered these questions while plotting it, but they just either didn't put any of it in the game, or I missed something huge.

One negative I will say is: this thing made my old computer overheat like instantly. I had to build a proper gaming PC before I could run this thing- and that was in fact my main motivation for building it, was because I wanted to play this game without my laptop melting. Not really playable on smaller machines, even on minimum settings.

-

One more coming down the line, for the games I played but didn't beat this year, and that should do it!

[1] - [2] - 3 - [4]

[lurafita]

Malec meet pre-canon divergent

(considering tv-show canon only, as I don't know much about the books) I personally found it a little weird that Alec and his siblings had to be briefed about the High Warlock of their territory, by Hodge. Shouldn't Alec, as the acting head, have been aware of the most prominent downworld leaders in the city his institute is in? Wouldn't Magnus have been in the institute before, for ward maintenance or things like that? Wouldn't they have had to call him to close rifts that demons were popping out of? (Not like those kinds of things were ever shown or discussed in the show, but then again, the show was very stingy where details and backgrounds were concerned.) Anyway, I would like to propose a series re-write, where Alec and Magnus get to know each other pre-canon, and Magnus has the chance to bolster Alec's self-worth and confidence a little. And then exploring what effect this might have, as Alec wouldn't be such a pushover where his siblings are concerned. (I actually just really like re-writes of given plots that explore changes to said given plot, so that personal guilty pleasure might heavily play into this prompt…. 😉 )

possible scene:

They could meet on site for rift closure, and Alec is laying down a plan of attack, because some demons have already gathered. And then Jace is trying to propose another plan (that's less tactical than Alec's was and more of a 'run in head first' kinda deal). And Alec is not confident about his own plan versus Jace's, and he is about to give in, but then Magnus is like: "I agree with the pretty boy." And Jace smirks and goes: "See, the high warlock thinks it will work." And then Magnus goes: "Oh no, I was talking about his plan. Yours sucks."

-

I think, if a relationship between them (platonic heading for romantic) exists for some time, Magnus would probably let slip about Maryse and Robert having been in the circle. Not in a malicious way. I think Magnus assumed that Alec knew. So maybe one day Magnus offers to check over the wards, and Alec accepts and wonders loudly about why his parents didn’t commission check ups for two years,

and Magnus just "Well, they have tried to limit their business with downworlders as much as possible. Which isn't surprising, seeing as many of us feel that they haven't been sufficiently punished for their crimes while they were in the circle. But it's not as if I would have refused the job. I might have overcharged them, … Alexander? You look pale, is something wrong?"

-

I just see them having lots of little conversations that help build Alec up, while not just being simple compliments. Like, when Alec doubts his leadership qualities and asks Magnus about his opinion, as Magnus has fought in a few wars and known a few figureheads. "I believe being a good leader comes down to knowing and trusting in yourself." "Shouldn’t that be 'knowing and trusting my people'?" "That, too. But it's important to know your own strengths and weaknesses. For example, I'm one of the most powerful warlocks out there with a deep and varied understanding of my craft, and I look dashing in silk. I'm also impatient, occasionally vain, and I can be quite petty. Now what about you? Let me start you off. You are afraid." "Wow, didn’t think you would start with a weakness." "I didn’t. Well, maybe a little bit. Fear can be both. But in this case, I meant it as a strength." "How?" "Think back to our first meeting. The fear of not knowing what the situation was we were walking into, made you come up with a strategy that allowed us to assess what was going on, while also ensuring minimal collateral damage. What do you think would have happened had you been as cocky as your parabatai, and stormed right in?" "… We wouldn’t have known about the circle members, or the back entrance. The perimeter wouldn’t have been secured. The teen warlock might have become a victim to a shadowhunter blade, had you not had the chance to see the enslavement collar on her." "See? You have good instincts, Alexander, and a great mind for tactical manouvers. That is something you should trust in more."

[heymeowmao]

2024.12.21 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325114086412386568

C: Will you reimburse? LYN: What do you want reimbursement for? You’re making dumplings and you want me to reimburse you for the ingredients? Is chasing stars like a job now? One that covers its employee’s meals? Should I distribute you two jugs of soybean oil so that you can make dumplings at home?? C: If you were my boss, then my boss wouldn’t have to struggle trying to find me. LYN: What’s a little girl like you thinking about all day at work?? You have your eyes set on your boss? What a kid. Let me contact your team manager and tell them to tell your boss to watch out.

- restarting the sound card bc there’s a prob with it LYN: Looks like I just have to stream more often to that my equipment keep up to date

- asks his new fans to report by which avenue they came to like him, so that he can thank those sources.

- the laughtrack wasn’t working, but fixed it! C: There’s no soul without the laughtrack! LYN: The soul is back! We got it!! I always see comments, “Why is LYN’s stream so tacky? He presses his own laughtrack, how awkward is that?!” It’s like this- maybe you mostly eat simple things, so when something luxurious is presented to you, you don’t know what to do with yourself. You’re just not used to it. Maybe after a few more tries, you’ll come to like it. // You can’t call someone tacky because they like something you don’t. LYN: But we’re professional. This is like a variety show- I’m sure you watch them- there are all sorts of special/sound effects and captions. C: There’s static/white noise in the laughtrack. LYN: /listens to it/ Your requirements are too high.

C: Your appearance has changed. What’s up with that? LYN: You can’t be suspecting that I’ve gotten cosmetic surgery, can you? Do you think I’ve gotten better looking or uglier? /sigh/ I’ve been planning it, but I never have the time. I’m very busy. Even if I did have cosmetic surgery, I wouldn’t have recovery time. Especially at the end of the year? There’s just too much to do. I can’t have surgery. C: Don’t get cosmetic surgery or you'll be cursed at! LYN: Why do we need to care about the opinions of others? You know yourself best. In this industry you have to remember one thing: looks/visuals are right. It doesn’t matter if a person’s head is empty, as long as they have visuals they can continue to survive in this industry. That’s the truth.

- lost 4lbs in three days (bc he was sick) and is the thinnest he’s been in recent days. But had two instant noodles and will eat dumplings later (all carbs). LYN: I’ll be fat again tomorrow.

C: Ning-ge, your hat is Nick, what about Judy? LYN: /switches hats/ There we go! LYN: I left this hat to the side here, just waiting for someone to ask me that question! / If no one had asked, I would never have gotten to wear this hat. Forcing the change would have been a bit stiff.

C: Will you reimburse for dumplings? [t.n: eat dumplings/tang yuan for dongzhi (dec 21)] LYN: Can you tell me why I should? Everything has a reason, so why should I reimburse you for eating dumplings? There are two possibilities. 1. I owe you. Or, 2. I owed you in a past life. C: Aren’t we one family, though? LYN: Does your mom collect money from you when you eat as a family? For example, we’re a family and I’m your big brother. He’s come home and you’ve wrapped dumplings for him, but ask him to reimburse you. Would he not send you flying into the bed with a kick? // The problem here is that I didn’t even eat any dumplings! So why should I reimburse you for dumplings YOU’VE eaten? If we were all eating together, I’d be happy to pay my share but I didn’t eat anything so why should I reimburse you? Because you’re pretty? Just because you’re pretty, you think you should be able to eat?

C: Ning-ge when you laugh you have eye wrinkles. LYN: /holding back tears/ How hurtful. I was in a good mood and considering reimbursing you for your dumplings but now I’m depressed. I feel like I’m being eliminated by time. But also- I’m very curious- who doesn’t have wrinkles when they laugh?? How much botox would they need to accomplish that? Who doesn’t have wrinkles when they laugh? But actually it’s a simple fix- get some botox. It’s not very expensive, either. For an artist that’s pretty much an everyday expense. But artists really should try not to, so that their muscles retain some vitality. C: Your wrinkles have charmed me into dog shit. LYN: ?? You can say “charmed me into a dog” and that would be cute, but why is there another word tacked onto the end? You don’t need to be so self-deprecating when watching me stream- it’s not that important. It’s not worth it, sis! - understands they were probably trying to make him feel better, but they didn’t have to stoop so low

- dropped by Hengdian to film some things :) (x)

- someone fawning over his “croaking” | LYN: No wonder they say love is blind. Why would you like that??? C: Love is the leaf that blinds the eye*. - [t/n: 一叶障目; “focused on a small detail or part of something that you lose the bigger picture”] LYN: Are you trying to say that yes, I am just basic? Are you trying to say that everyone who likes me is blind?? You only like me because there’s a leaf blocking your sight but if you see me clearly (with both eyes), it’s unbearable??? - Wrong answers only! Love is: 叶公好龙 (pretend to be fond of something while actually fearing it) // 井底之蛙 (a frog at the bottom of a well- thinks the sky is only as big as the well’s mouth. (describes someone who has narrow vision/short-sighted)) LYN: You don't know how to use idioms?? I know I don’t have a very high education but my usage of idioms is not as outrageous as yours!

- CAN dye his hair, but it’s not really looked well upon in this industry to have dyed hair (colors) when attending events/galas/variety shows. If your hair is dyed they’ll spray it with temporary coloring back to black. It’s just not very convenient. [See also: Hello Saturday 2023.06.17]

C: Love is “a frog at the bottom of the well” means that they only have eyes for you. LYN: That makes it sound like I’m keeping you captive. That I won’t let you see the outside world, so that you think that the only bit of sky that you see is the best that there is to offer. That’s no good- I think you should jump out of the well to see the world. If you still think that the well is the best place to be after seeing the world, then that’s what I really want. 

C: Ning-ge, can you say this: “Liu Yuning, kneel!” LYN: Wh... what’s up? Are you an anti? What do you want me to kneel for? Do you want a marriage proposal, or do you want me to pray to you? Why do you want me to kneel? How dare you!

- wants people to interact with him/write a comment instead of just watching silently C: I make a comment but you never respond, so I’m sad. LYN: If you buy a lottery ticket but not win, aren’t you sad all the same?? - the comments are just a mood-maker; he wants people to participate and have fun C: I close my eyes and just listen to the stream. LYN: A leaf must be blinding your eyes? Or are they covered by two pieces of cucumber? Are you applying a face mask?

- there’s this phase that’s called a “3-Month Drama Fan” which means from the start to the end of a drama, you become a fan of an actor for three months, then lost interest. So being a fan for longer than a year is amazing. - if you’ve been a fan for 6-7 years (right when he debuted), you have to be careful because around this time is when people get tired/bored and start climbing the wall [t/n: Uh Oh XD I’m still interested, I just don’t have a lot of time.] C: I regret not knowing you sooner. LYN: /gets sentimental but in the “I could have known/interacted with LYN before he was famous” sort of way/ C: When you get sentimental, I get sleepy. LYN: How was I sentimental?? Maybe you’re just sleepy. Go to sleep. It’s 7p. That’s quite early- are you getting up early tomorrow to make it to the early market? Groceries are cheaper, then. - reminisces about walking to the early market with his grandma and eating a bowl of noodles there while she shopped

- promotes things you can do when visiting Dandong! (including going to one of the bathhouses) C: Will you be there? Let’s bathe together. LYN: How can you provoke me all the time like this and expect me to not have wrinkles? My wrinkles are full of helplessness. You, a little girl, are going around the internet just asking strange men to bathe with you in a hot spring?? If your mom found out, wouldn’t she hit you? I’m really curious. // If I talk back it seems like I’m being stingy, but if I don’t talk back it seems like I’m welcome to the idea! C: Aren’t we friends? LYN: Friends can soak in a hot spring together?? I won’t be going, but you go. I don’t like to wash up. C: If you didn’t have the wrinkles I would like you 20% less. LYN: Really? But I just sent a message to my staff to get me an appointment tomorrow for botox for my wrinkles. The bottle’s already prepped and now you’re telling me you’d like me less? In that case, for you, I won’t go. C: You’re going to have a trending topic titled “LYN doesn’t wash up.” - explains he said it that way as a gentle form of rejection. instead of a straight up rejection (“no. go away.”), it is better to make an indirect excuse/shift blame to yourself. just like how people say “sorry, I already have plans.” LYN: I told you that I don’t like to wash up because I was afraid of hurting you with a direct rejection. It’s my problem, not yours. If you like to wash, then you can go. Have a nice soak.

C: I’m allergic to water. LYN: I think I have heard of people with that condition, so. No one in the world is better than anyone else. C: I’m allergic to rice. LYN: ?? Stop with that nonsense. XD C: I’m allergic to money. LYN: Allergic to MONEY??? Oh, you mean the actual bills. Most everything now is an electronic payment, so you’ll be okay. It’s not like you have a reaction when you open your bank account and see money in it. It’s not like you’re allergic to seeing numbers, though. If that were the case, then donate the money to someone who needs it.

C: The comments are blocking your face. LYN: Are you watching on a tablet? You can turn the comments off. But try not to, because there are a lot of people who are typing and interacting with one another. I know that when I go to stop a fight a lot of you are playing mahjong in the comments. LYN: I think many young people nowadays are lonely. So when you’re watching my stream, it’s with other lonely people from across the land and sea. You can share your story with all these other lonely people. This way, you won’t feel as lonley anymore. C: You have a story and I have liquor. Come on. LYN: If you wanted to drink, just do it! Don’t use other people’s story as an excuse!

LYN: Friends. I’m not lying to you; let me tell you the truth. Sometimes I think I should be honest with you, without caring about my artist or celebrity status. Friends, I really need to go. My stomach really hurts, I need to- use the restroom. I kept trying to think of something else but I don’t think I can hold it anymore. My stomach is making noises. So- I need to go. C: OMG, I thought it was a big deal. LYN: It IS a big deal- the most important one in life. [t/n: has to watch his pronunciation because the 事 (matter) and 屎 (shit) are both “shi”] 1:00:00 --- Break #1 C: Are you done eating? [t/n: eat... shit????] LYN: ??? I went to the restroom and you’re asking me if I’m done eating…? What does that mean? Are you asking me if I ate something that made me sick? Or, if I took some medicine? - turns into a rapper (starts rhyming) while telling them “that joke wasn’t funny at all. that was so rude.”

- trending at #19 | LYN: Is it “LYN doesn’t like to wash up?” (No, it’s just the regular “LYN Livestream”)

- doesn’t want to announce his streams beforehand because he thinks it gives off the impression that there’s something to look forward to; a sudden/unplanned is better and more of a surprise C: I knew there was a 99% chance you’d stream today. LYN: You already predicted that I would stream today? You were right! It’s power of belief- the more you want something, the more likely it will come true. It has to be a positive thought, though. LYN: Well, since you are so accurate at predicting then I will stop streaming right now. Goodbye. I can’t let you get what you want too easily.

- thanks Beijing TV for using his song as bgm for various videos (and therefore promoting it)

- they’re asking him to do… something, IDK LYN: I don’t know how. I’m a rapper. You are a rapper. They are also rappers. You are all rappers. But I am also a rapper. [t/n: ???] C: Then, let’s hear some rap. - /starts playing 无心生大梦/ LYN: Does this count? /switches his hat bc the other one if more likely to fly off his head while head-banging/ LYN: Shout along with me. 1:16:30 --- 无心生大梦 (Unintentional Big Dream)

C: It still has to be you singing. LYN: What does that mean? No, I saw- I think it was Scream Night, right? A group of very talented singers and they sang this song? I saw a comment, “I want to see Ning-ge’s reaction to other people singing his song.” Normally, they would have cut the camera to me, but I just happened to have stepped out at the moment. I was sitting there and my face was full of oil so I had stepped out to touch up my makeup and I heard it then. LYN: I do want to say- I saw a lot of people commenting on the singers- and I think…I think they sang well! Honestly. Those songs are very hard to sing. 1. The song is hard to begin with. 2. It’s not their song. It’s a very hard song and difficult to control. 3. I want to say they did a good job. Because… a lot of these stages are not suited to live performances, but they had the guts to sing live. I want to praise them for singing live, and it’s because of that, that they should be called singers. That’s all I have to say and I won’t make any other comments. LYN: I’m not trying to compare to others but for me, at least, being able to sing live is a base requirement- for my own profession. As a singer, you should be able to sing live. As for how well you do, I’m sure that the audience all have their own judgement. Live singing vs lip synching is a problem with attitude, I think. C: It’s a problem with ability/skill. LYN: Don’t be like that. No matter how skilled of a person you are, there are times when you will perform well and times you will perform poorly. It’s the same for everyone. Someone can perform one skill their whole life and still do poorly sometimes. Just like you- you can study every day and do well on one test, but poorly on another. Right? It’s not a problem of ability. Sometimes it’s just how well you perform/execute. There are a lot of external factors to take into account as well. You don’t have to be more tolerant, you just need to be able to see the good in others. I’m not talking about the performance- we’re past that. You can’t determine if something is good or bad based on a single instance. You just- If you wanted to find fault in everything then you can do that, too easily. - try to see the good in others and better yourself, as opposed to seeing the bad in others and giving yourself a sense of superiority because of it. If you look at things from an objective standpoint, there is a lot more to feel and learn. - if he wanted to be a critic, he could do it better than the best of them XD - is of the philosophy that if you have a dream: those “higher” than you will lift you up and cheer you on, those on your same level will respect you, but only those “lower” than you will try to tear you down.

LYN: On a related topic, lately I’ve found myself being 拉踩 (belittle someone as a way to praise someone else). Everyone wants to use me to compare. But circling back to what I was just saying: if you really think you’re better than me, then I am not even qualified to be compared to you. So if you really want to succeed, you shouldn’t use me as a point of comparison to begin with, because if you really think you’re better than me you wouldn’t try to compare to me. I’m not qualified, so there’s no meaning in doing it. Okay? Thanks. LYN: I have a lot more to consider now, otherwise I- I wouldn’t let people bullying me slide. But I don’t want to say anything anymore- it doesn’t matter. I still have to hang around the industry for several years longer, after all. So I’ll try to… control myself.

C: I finally caught a hot and steaming stream. LYN: … I kinda have the runs today, so- not to be disrespectful! Everyone who was here already knows that I have the runs. But your words… give me a strange feeling. I can’t pinpoint exactly what that feeling is, though. LYN: But if you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so. The next time I steam you can always come to have a hot meal. It’s always warm here. We’ll sit on the kang (heated platform) and have some steamed buns and salty sides- hot and steaming, nice and cozy. Okay?

1:34:58- 1:48:15 C: Lao-da, can you open your collar a little wider? LYN: I just want to ask- what exactly is it that you want?? So what if it’s a little wider? Have you never been to a pool before?? All the men walk around topless, don’t they? Doesn’t that make you happy enough? On the internet, there are so many- /laughs/

LYN: Friends, I don’t know why it is but lately when I’ve been scrolling through videos it keeps recommending me 擦边 (“skirting the edge”//provacative) men! It used to- I’ll be honest with you- it used to recommend the provocative women. Because my account is set as “male”, so it would recommend me videos of women. When I saw them- I’m not lying at all when I say this!- I clicked on “Not Interested”. Because I use my own account- my main account- and I was afraid that in the yearly summary it would say, “Modern Brothers Liu Yuning’s Favorite Video Type is-” /makes a “you know” hand gesture/ Friends, this is the truth. I thought it would keep recommending those types of videos to me if I watched one, and in the end this type of video and my “most watched account” would show on my year-end summary. If someone got a screencap of that they would laugh themselves to death. C: So you switched an account to watch the videos. LYN: No, I use my own account! So I kept marking that I wasn’t interested and I’ve discovered that lately it’s been recommending me videos of provocative men instead. I guess the algorithm has made some assumptions about my preferences. But the comments and likes are very high! So I was thinking, “Oh, this is what girls like nowadays.” And THEN I was thinking, “Maybe I can learn something?” And I have. There are two types: one goes hard and the other is a little more shallow. I can’t do any of the hard edge type. LYN: It starts with back towards you, a look over the shoulder, and then they flip their clothes and they disappear. It shows off the back and leaves them only in a tie. Because of the nature of these videos, I’m sure they must have a nice figure to show off in the first place. So they were quite muscular. Another one starts off wearing a white collared shirt and black suit with tie. They’re filming themselves through the mirror- with phone covering their face. They pull the tie and all of a sudden the clothes fly away. Only the tie is left; the lights are low and they’re on their knees. In their knees in suit pants but nothing else on top. They pull the tie and they’re kneeling with all their pecs and abs. Phone is still covering the face- I guess they must feel SOME shame, after all. LYN: There are also the ones that don’t go as hard, but are very purposeful. It’s a strange sort of purposeful but you understand why. They start off in a big t-shirt. Because in these videos they’re usually doing some complex dance with their hands- /demonstrates/. How they do it is that as soon as the notes start they pull their shirt up a bit. To let everyone see their abs. Then the rest of the video they’re dancing like normal. It’s like that. So I started scrolling his videos and every video starts with a shirt pull. He’s wearing very normal clothes- sometimes a t-shirt, sometimes with long sleeves, sometimes a hoodie- but the first move is always the same. To show off the abs. Friends, I really learned something here. LYN: There’s another type- it doesn’t count as provocative, but more visual. They wear a white collared shirt but the neckline is wide open. So a white shirt- the flowy and smooth type, tucked cleanly. Some tie a string to their arm, some have suspenders, some have a string around their neck. In any case, there are a bunch of different types. But they have a different MO. They’ll start off with shades and give a… mischievous smile. -  /demonstrates/ - [t/n: honestly the smile is scaring me. lmao] LYN: I didn’t do that very well, but do you get what I’m saying?

- two types of people: the “shoot us a video, ning-ge” and the mom/older sister-type fans who want to protect him LYN: So now it’s been recommending me all sorts of these videos. It was quite scary. So then I searched a few terms to start blocking those from my algorithm. Otherwise I was afraid I might really become bad/go astray. C: Ning-ge, I turned my volume down low when you started talking about this. LYN: ! Sorry, was that not proper? It was okay, right? Sorry, then I won’t talk about such topics in the future. C: “LYN擦边” has become a trending topic. LYN: !! Don’t make me angry! Do you still want me to survive in this industry?? What did I do? I didn’t do anything!! I only demonstrated what a mischievous smile was. I may have exaggerated in my imitation, but I just want you to know how easily you can be tricked and to warn you of it. I was speaking as an older brother, as a father- to tell you to stay away from these types of men. Don’t be blinded by this type of temptation. - proceeds to dangle a carrot: if you subscribe to his weibo, later during the stream he’ll change into a worn out undershirt and while he’s singing he’ll tear it off (like he promised he would at his concert). But subscribe, first.

C: Ning-ge, what if the account you are currently observing is one of your male fans? LYN: What if they’re a male fan? Now I am stuck between two “nan”s (男 (man) vs 难 (difficult/hard). One is a struggle with myself, because of personal preference. But other person is my fan. So how do I make this choice? A difficult question indeed.

- the requirements for daily check-ins has raised to 1000-day streak (instead of 500) for a jug of bean oil/10kg bag of rice; reminds people to check and redeem their Taobao points before they expire (not sponsored)

C: Ning-ge are you still afraid of ghosts? LYN: Yeah. It’s not fear, exactly, but I have a sense of respect for them. C: Are you afraid of the dark? LYN: Yes. Rather than being afraid of the dark, though, I’m afraid of things happening/appearing suddenly. Like those balloon games where you’re not sure when it will pop. I’m afraid of sudden sounds. In the dark I’m more afraid of something coming out to scare me. I’d pass out. Straight to sleep. I’d have a good rest that night.

C: Speak in your dialect. LYN: I am, aren’t I? But actually the dialect in my hometown and the one you usually hear is not quite the same. The dialect in Dandong is a little different. - commenting on how he went to an event and they put three people from Dandong all at one table together (LYN, Ma Li, & Huang Jingyu)

C: Ning-ge, normally singer’s mouths are big. Why is yours small? LYN: /laughs/ I- So what you mean is that I’m not worthy to be a singer? Based on my genetics, I have no talent, is that it? Do you want me to give up on music? My mouth isn’t small, is it? It’s normal.

C: Ning-ge, I was watching KSTLB and it seems like you don’t dare to play? LYN: No, it’s okay as long as others are playing. My main job is to blend in the with crowd. I’m only here for the numbers. Each person has their own responsibility: Visuals, Brains, Tank, etc. And what am I? I have no responsibility. I’m there to make up the numbers. I’m there as filler. C: Visual representative. LYN: Oh, I wouldn’t dare. C: Broadcasting representative. LYN: I dare not accept that title. My good friends, welcome to my stream. I want to thank everyone for… coming to my party. /LOL/ - jokes that he’s there to fill in the cracks; “ My name is Liu Mei (pretty) Feng (crack). If I ever have a daughter, I’ll name her Liu Mei Feng.” - explains that he’s not the only one hosting or solving the problems, it’s just that they edit the show to LOOK that way, to give him a sense of presence bc otherwise he’s “not doing anything of interest”

C: When are you going to Hello Saturday again? LYN: I can’t just buy a ticket and GO. If you mean as a viewer, I could probably call them and ask. If you meant as a guest, then… that show is actually pretty difficult to get a spot on. If they don’t invite me, then I can’t just go. And if I ask them “Can I come?” and they tell me no, that would be really shameful. I can go when they want or need me, like when they’re pomoting a drama but need a few more friends. The other thing is- why are you asking? Are you trying to ambush me? - demonstrates how tone of voice matters when asking a question

- discussing the topic and storyline of Detective Conan - doesn’t really follow any other manga, but has watched Death Note; doesn’t follow One Piece (because the art style wasn’t his type) but has played one of the mobile game before - Sasuke! Sasuke! (at least we know he’s watched Naruto)

C: This is my first time watching your stream, I’m excited. LYN: Are you even more excited because I’ve seen your comment? :)

C: Demon Slayer LYN: I know of it, but I never watched it. When HZT and I were shooting the drama togehter, he would force me to watch it. When we were playing a game together, I think he also changed our group (guild?) name to “Slayer Family” or something like that. It had a special name, but I forgot.

- his exposure to animations is from watching a variety show- a voice actor competition - doesn’t know any Japanese, but does come across videos (because voice acting) and thinks the Japanese style sounds really cool. - talks about how there’s a clip of a bunch of VAs each saying one line and it ends with this one guy saying a single word and everyone loses their minds because of it. - has watched Kindaichi Case Files, but only the live-action because the manga scares him - HAS watched DMBJ; “I watch the dramas I’ve acted in!”

2:23:47 --- Break #2

C: Do you want to talk about fashion? LYN: I can’t talk about anything too fashionable with you. I wore a pair of pants the other day and you spent all day discussing whether I was wearing pants, a skirt, or a skort. It was modern-historical; a pair of pants like men would wear. [t/n: these ones?] C: Was it cold? LYN: There were pants on the inside. Actually it was two pairs- I was wearing some thermals underneath. You know, people from the south might think that since the weather is warmer, they’re more afraid of the cold. But actually, people from the north are more afraid. Especially people from Dongbei. When winter comes, thermals are a must. Thermals, wool pants, cotton pants, then jeans on top. When winter comes we bring all the equipment out. C: Isn’t wool prickly? LYN: Real wool isn’t. If yours is pricking you then that means it’s not 100% wool and you have a fake.

- Dongbei people spend quite a penny on heating in the winter, as well; complains about those people who don’t pay their heating fees but “if the second floor and fourth floor have paid but the third floor hasn’t- it still won’t get too cold for them. because they’re sandwiched in the middle.” X’D - comments on how they’d have a water meter but turn on the faucet so it drips one drop at a time- which would not affect the meter- then in the morning, they’d have a whole bucket full of water (without having to pay)

LYN: I found something out lately- I don’t know if I can tell you about it. But it’s solved a question I’ve had for the past six years. It’s terrifying. For the past six years, I’ve often thought about this matter, but I’ve only solved it recently! I don’t know if I can tell you- I’ll tell you half and you can weigh it for me. - recounts how DF-ge went to see a fortune teller: they told him to go to another room to write a character on a piece of paper, when he returned the master also had a character on a piece of paper- it was the same character “川”. No surveillance in the other room, and he wrote with a normal pencil. LYN still didn’t believe it, but could never figure it out. - five years ago, he went home for New Year and went to pray at the temple; a monk singled him out of the group of his friends and family and told him he was the “dragon amongst men”; was wearing mask and cap at the time (winter) and he hadn’t been on many shows yet, so was sure the monk didn’t recognize him. This time he did believe it (bc it was praise X’D). Monk told him to take off his hat and show him his forehead & told him he still had 60 years of good luck ahead. LYN: 60 years of good luck. That means I would live to about 90. Of course I was even happier! - DF asked the monk to show LYN the paper trick, and he did it by writing sth on a piece of paper then asking “what floor do you live on?” which threw LYN for a loop bc in his hometown he’s on 12F (even though technically his grandfather owns it), in Hendgian he’s on 7F (but that’s a hotel), and in Beijing he’s on 4F (but he’s renting). So he said “12” bc that’s where his roots are, and the monk had written “12” on the paper. Again, the monk writes something on the paper, then asks “what month is your birthday?”. LYN’s deciding between lunar (12) or solar (1) calendars, but ultimately gives “12” as the answer. The monk shows he wrote “12” on the paper as well. LYN: He blew my mind. Now I would believe anything that came out of his mouth next. Even if he had guessed, it would have to be a 1 in 12 chance, right?? Some complexes go up as high as 30-40 floors, how would he know I lived on the 12th?? C: Your da-ge/friend told him? LYN: No- there wasn’t anything to gain by telling him. My da-ge just wanted to prove how amazing it was, because he went there often and trusted this person. There would be no reason to feed him the answers just to trick me. C: He was your fan. LYN: /laughing/ No! Unless he was a stalker fan, he wouldn’t know where I lived! There’s no way. LYN: It was amazing and because of that I undeniably believed when he told me that I had 60 more years of good luck. - the monk let him light the thickest stick of incense (which he did not let anyone else burn), because LYN was worthy of it. :’) ; struggling over how much (money) to offer; but ended up giving 1000rmb. LYN: The story in its entirety is all told. But I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and a couple of days ago I came across a video and it was pretty much the same schtick! So I looked into the comments and found the answer. - “Shadow Pen”; they’re not actually writing anything on the paper at the start. They keep hold of the paper and once they hear your answer, there’s a hidden tip glued to their finger (thumb) or under the nail that they use to write with and they write as you speak. LYN: It was so mysterious for five years and now I’m wondering if the 60 years of luck was true or not. I’m sure that part, at least, was not a lie! I don’t care what floor they ended up writing on that paper- I would have bought a house to match. As long as the 60 years of luck stays true. -- LYN: I’ll make DF-ge watch this stream later and uncover the mystery for him. -- C: Make them write 饕餮 (taotie). LYN: Maybe they’d write it in pinyin. -- - had used this story to cheer himself on when he was feeling down: “LYN, you can do it. That shifu told you that you’’d have 60 years of luck, so any difficulty you’re facing now is not going to be the end of you.”; everytime he was facing difficulty, he would think of this shifu.

C: hahahahaha “a dragon amongst men” LYN: Why did you have to type so may “ha”s? Is it very funny to you?? What’s wrong with that? All my male fans are “dragons amongst men.” My female fans are… “phoenixes amongst eagles.”

- is a good storyteller, because he would take DF/AZ/his own experiences to dress up and tell people; but now that he’s in this industry and mostly works with artists/celebrities and drama crews he’s not at liberty to tell such stories, not even as a joke. - tells a story about an instance that makes acting a happy thing for him: for one of his dramas, the actors got along so well that they would actively discuss the drama and how to act, even outside of work. One day a younger actor came (fresh out of a different drama) and couldn’t get into the right headspace; the director just wasn’t satisfied. It was hard for the other actors because they couldn’t say too much, but they tried to integrate him and included him in their activities. The week before drama wrap, the actor had a solo scene (everyone was present, but they didn’t have many lines) and they tried to keep the mood light, so as not to put too much pressure on the kid. They went through the full range of emotions for their monologue, and when they were done EVERYONE on set applauded them. That moment was heartwarming and made LYN want to cry; it’s also made him think being an actor was worth it. LYN: What makes me the happiest about acting is not the point the drama is aired, but it’s the process of getting it completed, the creativity, and the sense of community you can find with the right actors and crew. It makes you feel like your work is meaningful and you have a sense of accomplishment. It feels like you’re really growing and learning. The collective brainstorming and discussion around how we can complete a scene and make it /interesting/ is the best part. - loves working with seasoned actors bc it feels like a test of his own abilities (it makes him excited and nervous); celebrates for himself when he successfully pulls off a scene. LYN: I don’t know if you remember this once scene in YNGS- sorry, I’m not trying to brag, I just want to share. I’m not a mature actor by any means and I’m still learning!- but there was one scene LTG came to give me medicine. RRY told NYZ that his life was saved thanks to LTG’s geng shi pill. And I replied, “What, “dog shit” (gou shi) pill??” Actually, I thought of that line. Then she laughs and walks away, so I said, “Come back! Support me, I’m not healed yet.” The reason I shouted that was because at that time my foot was broken!! Normally, she would have walked out of shot and I’d say, “Wait for me!” and run to follow her. But I was disabled, I couldn’t run! So I could only change my lines. It was reasonable for the storyline, and also it my real-time needs. So when I pull off these small details I’m a little proud of myself.

- is afraid of being type-casted, but it’s already sort of happening. People will find you for the role you suit the best, so why should they look to you for any different, when there are OTHERs who fit the (different) role more/better? - in this case, rather than try new things, it mightbe better to become the best at (irreplaceable) in a certain genre or field LYN: This is also the reason I continue to stream. I’m sure that singers/actors or anyone else in this industry CAN be a livestreamer, and I’m sure that there are people who do it much better than I do. But why do I keep at it? Because no one else can keep at it like I am. My perseverance is irreplaceable. When you become irreplaceable, there will definitely be a market for you. A lot of people can stream better than me, but no one else can stream as regularly. No one else can stream for as long as I do. Therefore, I am irreplaceable. LYN: It’s just like when I release songs- I am not the best singer, nor are my songs the best sounding, nor am I the best looking, but I release like crazy. I reach my rank in sheer quantity. Of course, I do not accept every/any song that comes my way. As long as I have a surefire place in the OST market, it’s enough. If people think of me when they’re researching who to ask to sing their OST, that’s enough. I wouldn’t call myself irreplaceable, since actually anyone can easily replace me. But as long as they think of me, it’s okay. - Found out he’s released 25 songs in 2024. That’s an average of 2 songs per month!!

C: I’m a fan of your voice? LYN: My voice? Then shouldn’t you be called my “songs-fan”? C: They meant when you’re not singing or acting. LYN: /puts on a funny voice/ I usually sound like this when I’m not singing or acting. Do you think it sounds nice? LYN: I’m very comfortable speaking like this! It’s not uncomfortable or awkward at all! - thinks he is especially good at imitating Minnie Mouse :) - tries Crayon Shin-chan, but does not think he sounds like him - SpongeBob Squarepants & Patrick who is similar to Zhu Bajie; doesn’t know how to do Mr. Krabs

- tries to get Daimi, but she’s sleeping

3:38:48 --- Break #3 LYN: Friends. I just found dumplings and I want to eat them, could you wait for me? We can do a mukbang, People usually tell me to eat something when I’m streaming, but I always thought that was an impolite thing to do, since you all came to see me stream. It’s like when a friend comes over to your house but you pay them no attention and eat on your own while your friend sits there staring at you. I think it’s impolite, so that’s why you’ll rarely see me eating or drinking anything on my stream. Today is a holiday, though, so let’s eat dumplings together. - dumpling eating ASMR (“I don’t usually eat noisily like this!”) - turned the bowl bc he was accidentally showing the brand name XD - Daimi woke up because he was eating. | LYN: It used to be she only had eyes for me. Now she only has eyes for my dumplings.

C: I downloaded weibo in order to watch your stream. LYN: Wow, thanks very much. Do you need me to reimburse you for roaming/data?

C: I’ve liked you for six years and I haven’t received anything. LYN: Aren’t you receiving my company, right now? Don’t you think this is a lot more meaningful? Think about it- I stream, for the most part, for my fans. There will be passersby, but this stream is really for you. Is that not enough? In that case, I can stream again in the next few days.

-  wishes everyone an early happy new year :) ; performs “eating dumplings” as his talent

- talking more concert logistics (which cities and how many stops total (around 20 across 6 months)) C: What if my parents don’t let me go? LYN: Then, don’t go! What else can you do? Are you going to have a falling out with them just because they say you can’t come? It’s not worth it. Just listen to your parents, and don’t come. You can watch online; I’m sure everyone who IS coming will record videos for you to watch later. C: I’m bringing my son. LYN: Okay. You can bring whoever you want. C: Are front-row seats available? LYN: … I don’t know. I’m sure you’d be able to buy one. I don’t think anyone would fight you for them. C: Should we wear wedding dresses? LYN: It depends on the season. If it’s too cold, then forget it. If it’s a warmer city, then we can think about it. We can look at the city, the temperature, and how we’re feeling. We can mix it up. One stop we’ll do wedding dresses, and for the next we could do… sweatpants. Those cute fuzzy pajamas. You can wear slippers. Qipao. Hanfu. It’s all good. LYN: But the most important thing is that you carry bags that help to show off your income bracket- those ones that are exclusive to certain tiers. Because I will be inviting all sorts of brands and industry insiders to attend; so if you’re carrying something like that it will tell them that my fans are all highly skilled and that you have the means to afford spending. You might be able to help me acquire three more jobs out of it. - [as a JOKE] tells them to stuff their important documents like land deeds into their bags as well, and flip through them at the concert. So that if the brand/platform reps see it, there’s an 80% chance they’ll think LYN’s fans are: 1. Not very mentally stable, but 2. Have the ability to go on unlimited shopping spree, and 3. Love LYN very much, so that if they work with him, their products are going to fly off the shelves.

C: I’ll wear all the gold jewelry in my household. (like the jewelry sets people buy when they get married) LYN: It’s a nice thought, but I don’t want you to get robbed or lose any of it at the concert or on the way. LYN: If you’re going to be swinging a lightstick at the concert, I don’t want your expensive 400g bracelet to fly off and hit the girl in front of you and give her a concussion. Don’t wear anything too expensive. C: Then, I’ll wear fake gold. LYN: Fake gold is bad for your health, don’t wear it. If you’re swinging  lightstick, you’re going to get sweaty. Once the sweat hits the fake gold, it’s going to turn your arm black, like you’re poisoned. C: How about a key ring? (keys of all the property they own) LYN: Oh, a key ring with like 60-70 keys hooked on it? That works, but you shouldn’t just hold it in your hand. You should wear that as a necklace.

- jokes about making specialized parking spaces for his fans who have expensive cars (rolls royce, porsche, helicopters, etc.) and opens it up to all sorts of unique forms of transport. C: I’m taking the train… LYN: Are you driving the train right up to the venue doors? Even if your father were the conductor, I don’t think he’d be able to do that! C: Where can I park my UFO? LYN: On my face. Why don’t you just take me away, while you’re at it? If you have a UFO, you can come take me away tonight. Later I can brag to people that I was abducted by aliens. C: I’ll ride my horse. LYN: They aren’t allowed on the roads. The fear isn’t that anything will happen to you, rather that something might happen to other people. A rockinghorse is okay, though. C: I’m taking public transport and the subway… LYN: That’s the best, and it’s eco-friendly way! I support taking the bus and subway. C: Parachute. LYN: But what about when you leave? Will you be taking your parachuting gear onto the subway? Sounds complicated… C: I’ll fit Daimi to a dog-sled. LYN: Daimi would not be able to pull you.

- shows off a toy of Daimi that an interviewer gave to him.

C: What’s the best spot to be at the concert? LYN: Of course, the answer would be “on the stage”. You can follow me wherever I go. But those tickets aren’t sold. / The front row would be the best, of course. But anywhere is good; I’ll do my best to make sure you have a good time wherever you’re sitting. We were discussing a four-sided stage before, which would mean there are more front row seats, but… I didn’t like it. It feels like I have to keep wandering around, because I have to make sure all four sides see me! I’m just not accustomed to it. Normal stages are three-sided. C: An extending stage. LYN: I thought about it too, but. Let’s say the stage starts here- then extends forwards. That means that no one can sit in the area where the stage will extend/retract. It cuts down the number of seats and since there’s also a range for safety, the distance between me and the front row becomes too far. Its not like how you see in small shows and galas, where people can reach out their hands to touch you. There’s a distance requirement for safety. LYN: So I was thinking of including some wirework. For one or two songs at each stop, I can fly out over your heads. I just hope I don’t have an upset stomach on those days. I can fly around on one side, then the other. I was thinking about doing something like that… C: We’ll pull your shoes off. LYN: I won’t wear shoes. If I were on wire, I wouldn’t dare to put anything in my pocket or wear anything expensive. I’m afraid that if something drops, I’d never be able to find it again. If I wore a Pomellato ring and it dropped, someone would just take it away. Even if I had some melon seeds for a snack and stuck the rest in my pocket and those dropped out, I’m sure you’d take them away. I’m not trying to belittle you- that’s not my intent. It’s just that I was shooting a variety show about three years ago- a cooking one-  and I made candy-floss apples and another noodle dish. People took the noodles and put it in a little plastic bag- like this. Two strands of noodles, into the bag, sealed, then taken home. I don’t even know what they’d DO with it!! Dry it out and stick it in a labelled case? That’s why- taking melon seeds from me doesn’t even sound outrageous. Forget about the shoes, I’m sure someone would even steal my socks! First the laces, then the shoes, then my socks. They won’t leave me with anything. C: I’ll tickle your feet. LYN: Are you insane?? C: Secretly touch your feet. LYN: ??! What- you’re just a girl, what are you saying?? Why would you touch my feet? Are you crazy? You can just ASK me to shake my HAND. Why would you touch my feet?? // I must remember to wash my feet well on the day of my performance… If I fly… I should wash them well. Soak them in medicinal herbs... / No, I’m kidding. Because if I do fly, it wouldn’t be anywhere close to you. If I’m too low its a danger to both you and me. I’m not afraid of you touching me, but I’ll probably be higher up out of reach. It’s a random thought. You don’t have to think too much of it.

- might invite some friends to do guest performances at the concert; didn’t do this the first time around bc he had just debuted and didn’t really have any friends C: Can you ask HZT to come? LYN: I can ask him, and see if he’ll save me the face. - Really, he doesn’t want to inconvenience people by asking them to make a guest appearance. Also struggles with whether he should pay or not. How much is appropriate? And, if the guests’ fans find out they are attending, would people think he is using his friend as a way to sell tickets? LYN: Maybe I’m thinking too much.

LYN: Thank you for your company and support. I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you, and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream. Goodnight, everyone. Now that I’m closing the stream I’m afraid people will feel lost and lonely. I hope that you do not feel that way, because you can always watch my stream again. You can use my voice to keep you company into sleep. Goodnight everyone, have good dreams! Thank you all for keeping me company. This could be our first meeting, or you could have known me for a long time already but if you haven’t subscribed yet, please to do. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Thank you.

[demaparbat-hp]

hi dema! i’m learning how to do digital art, would you mind sharing your coloring process? coloring (and lineart) is the hardest thing for me to do T_T… what brushes do you use for coloring and how do you not make it look muddy? i’ve been trying to follow tutorials from different artists on youtube but i find my work to look so muddy… thank u in advance >__<

Hi, and thank you for thinking about me for advice! I'm honoured to share a bit of my process, nerve-wracking as that is for my shy self, and hopefully help you out as much as I can. Forgive me if I don't express myself very clearly—I have a bit of a hard time explaining these things. Now, let's get started, shall we?

I'll be using the first panel of this artwork as an example.

My process is pretty straight-forward for most artworks. Make a sketch, draw the lineart, and follow a self-made guideline for coloring and rendering.

Sometimes I'll throw the guideline to the trash bin and start experimenting with brushes and chiaroscuro and color palettes, but that doesn't happen most of the time and, when it does, it's more a challenge than anything else, and not really what I think you're looking for.

I'll include my usual steps here, however, and like I said earlier, these steps are more like what you'd call guidelines than actual rules.

(I just realized I didn't save the sketch for this artwork. Oops)

This is the lineart!

I tend to think that details bore me and are actually pretty exhausting to do, but then I go and make things as clear and detailed as I can. Because I'm a hypocrite like that.

I did try to keep things simple here, though, mostly because I had to go through three other panels and didn't want to burn out my fuel mid-process.

Base colors! The blush (and Zuko's scar!) I draw in a different layer in case I need adjusting the brightness or saturation later.

It's time for shadows!

Pick a color depending on the atmosphere you want the artwork to have. Is it a cozy, warm scene in a honey-tinted room, or is it a moment shared under the moonlight? The color choice should come as an answer to those questions—deep red for the first one and dark blue for the second.

Choose a color and make it dark and saturated. Then, play with the layer opacity! A darker shadow means harsher light, while less opacity works best for a softer look. See the difference? It's subtle, but it's there.

Of course, this is my personal choice. The way shadows are drawn and color is chosen depends on the artist and the artwork. I choose to play with a more simple coloring style, keeping shadows from blending into each other, but you may like a more realistic approach to shadows and colors.

My best advice? Try doing it every way you can, but in the end choose what works best for you. Whatever feels more comfortable, whatever you enjoy drawing the most. And then work to improve it. Love the little proof that you've gotten better, even if it's subtle.

And talking about subtlety...

I love to play with gradients. I use them mostly to give the artwork some form of atmosphere, and make it look cohesive and whole. A light gradient in the color and direction of the shadows will help the characters blend with the background, as will another gradient in lighter colors for the light.

Get creative with gradients! Use them so the lights feel brighter and the shadows darker.

Now it's time to work with the lineart again.

The pure black lineart makes the artwork look harsher, sharper, so I tend to give it some color to soften its edges and compliment the rest of the drawing. In darker shades as the rest of the colors, growing more saturated as the light comes closer.

I love to make the characters' eyes pop and glow! It's really fun what you can do by just messing a bit with the tones of the lineart.

Finally, I play with the level correction. A high contrast will help your artwork stand out and look brighter. See the difference?

And it's done!

Sometimes I like to add other effects or details, but this is the very, very rough shape of my usual process, and thus what I thought you'd like to see.

Once again, I'd like to point out that this is what works for me, and a large part of improving as an artist is just fooling around and messing up until you find the tools and tricks you're most comfortable with.

So keep drawing those muddy shadows and colors! They're only a step of the process.

[bruxadehekate]

Recently i came across a beautiful game that had me questioning a few things. When learning tarot i always stuck heavily with books' and instructions' help, a considerable amount instead of pure intuition (but of course there were some, or else it wouldn't be tarot). Other than that, i also kept constantly in mind that tarot was purely therapeutical and guidance rather than fortune telling, as many wiser Witches taught me.

This game however, showed me a completely different vision on how to read the cards, with very simple yet effective spreads and much more confident interpretations. I also have strong reasons to believe this is Hekate's idea.

TL;DR: I wanna try fortune telling instead of therapeutic tarot

Edit: i figure out some of my doubts and uncertainties, see reblogs!

Confidence, i think it's the keyword. When i started this blog, even if i wanted to stick with the guidance tips tarot i was taught, many people came to me asking things about their future and not much insights about themselves, and that made me so nervous because, obviously, i didn't want to make a wild, ambicious prediction and it be wrong, to disappoint the requester, nor did i want to bring the bad news. So to avoid it, i was the first one to bland it out and make it not a big deal. The grain of salt.

It is wise from a point of view, one's future is theirs to make their own, but constantly telling myself "I can't go too far" might have limited my own intuition power.

Of course a game is but a game, it is scripted and has the limitless of fiction, however i do firmly believe there are talented, gifted people out there that can predict the future through divination magic with precision unmatched (oh, the stories i heard), but it's something wlse entirely, much harder to believe i could be one of those.

Even if i am unfortunately not very constant with my tarot craft, because it doesn't pay my bills and all that, i do feel a strong connection with my decks and the things i learn through the little sessions and readings every now and then, therefore trying out a new thing could be doable

When im not in tune during a session, my cards kinda "refuse to work" until we fix the vibes, the question, etc, and when everything is aligned it flows with incredible accuracy and meaning. I never "predicted the future" per see, however many, dare i say most, of my readings sooner than later came to be true, the ones i had been close to watch it unroll, so it might be possible to channel that energy into something similar, bolder.

The more i think about it, the stronger is my feeling to dive into this possibility, because i know if that's something my decks are not okay with, they will give me the proper queues, leaving my on read, so back to insightful readings it is.

Just like i do with my hair, a little bit of experimentation will not hurt anybody

My idea is to go deeply into bold fortune telling, let my intuition go wild, align it with my current knowledge (and future, because that's never too much) and allow myself some creativity freedom, read the cards with my third eye and present the consultant with very different outcomes one might never have considered an option.

About Hekate's insight, this month i admit to have failed my duties more than other months, it got me a little sad, because it's partly due to work and rest routine that I'm terrible at organizing. But during one of my hunting sessions for games to relax, I came to find that game by paths i usually don't trail (navigation wise) and played the demo that instantly made me purchase the whole thing.

I have reasons to believe Hekate lead me to it, silently with a few odd clicks, just the way She initially lead me to tarot years back, with a simple instagram ad (an opportunity to take the first step, after many days of me pondering about it). The game, The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, has a beautifully written script, nice game mechanics, pretty art and designs and wild interpretations of Witchcraft, a great piece of fictional entertainment watered with valuable pieces of basic information Witches should know about.

This totally wakened my senses, as i said, sadly not constant with tarot, i felt intrigued with the mechanics and possibilies, and after lots of research on the matter, my conclusion is yes, fortune telling could be possible for me, if im brave enough the flourish it.

Like the game protagonist, I'm a bit scared of what may come out of this, seen like i had a very turbulent past that made me insanely afraid of what the future holds (cough cough ptsd cough subject for another day), this can be a healthy way of helping deal with it.

I shall make a briefer post later, but my idea is to reopen tarot requests, making it explicit that this is a beta testing fortune telling kind of deal.

Although i feel strongly Hekate is the one once again showing me the way, i feel like gathering some additional sources to aid this possible journey, and read more into Apollo's devotes and their experience with clairvoyance is on my list, maybe i might be blessed with His dodgeball gift of prophecy red ball in the face, so if any of Apollo's fortune tellers, messengers or followers have any tips regarding prophetic matters I'd love to hear about it!

Hopefully I'll be back soon with news, thank you so much if you read until here, have a blessed week ✨

[fuzzkaizer]

Systech - overdrive

"Have you ever played a pedal that stuck with you forever, even though you knew in your heart it was totally weird, and nobody famous ever used it? For me, yeah, tons of them. But if I had to pick one that best fit these criteria, this one would be it. This is the Systech Overdrive. Before we dive in, let’s talk a little about where it was made.

There was a time when, of all places, Kalamazoo Michigan was an epicenter for musically related things. Apart from being a city referenced by Looney Tunes and the hometown of Glen Miller’s gal, Kalamazoo had the Sound Factory, which was a collective of sorts that featured guitar luthiery, a recording studio and electronic gear manufacturing. The facility sat front and center on Kalamazoo Avenue, smack dab in the middle of the city, and attracted visitors from all over.

Of course, if it was some random outpost of nobodies, the name wouldn’t carry any weight. However, the Sound Factory was shored up by three relatively heavy hitters of the early ‘70s. One such was Greg Hochman, Keith Emerson’s Moog technician. He was joined by Bryce Roberson, otherwise known as Uncle Dirty of Chess Records fame and a relatively unknown person named Charlie Wicks. If you’ve been reading this column for a while, you’ll recognize him as the man behind ProCo—the Ratfather.

Together, these three developed Systech, which itself was short for “Systems & Technology in Music, Inc.” That mouthful of a company was responsible for the Harmonic Energizer, a little-known yet highly influential effect that provided a deep filtered sound in addition to some crunchy drive and sharp resonant peaks. You might know it as one of Frank Zappa’s signature pieces. And while this Overdrive effect wasn’t that, it was derived from the Harmonic Energizer and shares a handful of characteristics.

Basically, if dialed in just the right way, the Harmonic Energizer will make short work of an entire speaker cabinet and anyone in the audience. This is because it was designed to provide a staggering gain of 55dB, enough to cause serious damage to your gear or hearing. The Overdrive was created to get some of those tones at non speaker-shredding levels.

If you’re thinking this unit is some kind of proto-Tube Screamer, think again. Because this was the early ‘70s, nobody had really decided exactly what “overdrive” meant. And though Maestro (coincidentally, also in Kalamazoo) had created one of almost every effect under the sun, pedal fever wasn’t quite here just yet, so Systech was essentially “winging it.” With that said, the Overdrive is actually a pretty aggressive fuzz sound. And to that end, the fuzz circuit is pretty unique. The entire affair contains two transistors—one a JFET input buffer—and one dual op-amp with a handful of other components. Even the topology is relatively simple, but the simplicity ends with the schematic.

The EQ control works unlike pretty much any EQ control you’ve ever fiddled with; as much an EQ as the whole unit is an overdrive. Instead of a simple tonal adjustment, the EQ control is actually an active bandpass filter, in the same family as a wah circuit. With a simple twist of a knob, you can adjust this filter from 122Hz to 900Hz. As you might imagine, the EQ control sounds relatively cocked-wah-esque, but the sound is much more aggressive than any wah on the market before or since. The reason has to do with the Q factor, essentially a bandwidth control. A wah’s Q is set by its 33K resistor and is much wider than that of the Overdrive, so the tone is a little more rounded. While a wah’s filter is a rubber mallet, the Systech Overdrive’s is a tack hammer. While the sound is curious, the thing really comes to life when you crank the EQ control, as it gives you a nice punch in the mids. You lose a little definition when you get to the bottom third, but man is it fun to play with.

“Distortion” is just what it sounds like, but curiously enough, “Gain” is about as close to a volume knob as you’re going to get. Much like Distortion, if you turn it all the way down it kills the entire signal, but it sits behind a final gain stage. If you have the guts to crank both Distortion and Gain, you’re richly rewarded with gobs of gooey sustain, but the flipside is that your amp is likely screaming “uncle.” Worth it? Your call. I say go for it.

Many people say Zappa used a Systech Overdrive, but alas, he did not. However, when you play it, you can definitely see the similarities between this unit and the fabled Harmonic Energizer. But as far as I’m concerned, it’s close enough for rock and roll."

cred: catalinbread.com/blogs/kulas-cabinet/systech-overdrive

[fatesundress]

I absolutely love your writing and tom of course! do you have any tips on how to write or are you naturally blessed?

thank you so much!! <3

i promise it is not the latter 😭 i'm working on rewriting a fic i started at 18 and it's been a struggle to get through. i think the tips i revisit the most in my writing are

1. multipurpose scenes (too often do i waste word count on characters just sitting around talking in ways that don't establish them, develop them, or really propel the story. those scenes are static and repetitive and could be doing more by implementing movement, tension, background, etc)

2. metaphors and other literary devices being used with intention and specificity (a very lazy example off the top of my head is describing a character in military servitude with the metaphor of being a doll — the idea there being that they are used and discarded like something inanimate. it's not bad necessarily, but there are other connotations around dolls that don't fit, like being dressed up and made pretty and things that might better suit a character in a role of domestic servitude. it would make more sense to say that the character in military servitude is a toy soldier, a prized trophy, etc. i would probably not use those because they're also lazy but the lesson is to be thoughtful with literary devices, and especially metaphors, because i find that i used to be kind of careless in just saying what sounded nice over what was more effective. how many people utilize metaphors of chess or cards with calculated characters like tom? i definitely have. did i contribute anything novel to his portrayal with them? probably not.)

3. just relax. not every sentence needs to or should be shakespearean. rhythm in writing is what keeps a reader's attention, and that can't exist without variety. if every line is some labyrinthine description of the lamp in the corner of the room, it becomes suffocating. your prose should serve the story, and vice versa. in my older writing, i find that my desperation to prove myself as a writer is so overbearing and distracting that it's hard to follow, and the story suffers for it. this isn't a "sometimes the curtains are just blue" thing. personally, the curtains are never just blue. i do think, however, that you can just say "the curtains are blue" and within context you've either already established or plan to later, it has just as much significance as if you wrote a full paragraph saying the same thing. most of the time, the lines that stick with me are the short, simple ones emphatically placed within the finer details. i don't know. think about amy march calling laurie mean. mean, instead of cruel, callous, unfeeling. considering the era of little women, those words fit just as well, but they don't elicit the same reaction, because mean is such an amy thing to say. it's sad in a childish way.

i used to post writing advice as it came to me but unfortunately the account i had it on was taken down and i had no backup for it. if you ever have more specific questions, i'm by no means an expert, but i'd be happy to (try to) help :)

[rafaelsilvasource]

You and co-showrunner Tim Minear originally wanted Carlos (Rafael L. Silva) to become an APD detective, but you've now chosen to make him a Texas Ranger — which, it must be said, is an interesting choice, given that Carlos had been so insistent in the past on not wanting to follow in his father's footsteps. How would you respond to the criticism that being a Ranger goes against what Carlos initially set out to do?

Raisani: I think the Texas Rangers became an embodiment of Gabriel Reyes, Carlos' father. What I mean by that is … Carlos had grown up with a perception of his father, which is: "My dad is homophobic, or certainly uncomfortable with who I am. He made me feel shut out. He made me feel unloved, unvalued." Carlos' arc in Season 4 with his father was to realize, "My dad is a more complex and beautiful man than I realized, and even though it took him a minute to get there, he did get there, and we became ultimately best friends. I love and revere my father, and just in time for me to realize that, he gets killed and taken away."

I would encourage people to go back and look at that Texas Ranger episode [in Season 4] where Carlos talked about the massacre [where] the Rangers killed all those innocent people in the early 20th century. What [Carlos'] mother teaches him in that [episode] is, "Look, the Rangers, like any organization that's older than 20 years, have some blood on their hands, but they've also done a lot of good. And nobody represents the good that they have done like your father." She talks about how the diversity of the Rangers has increased, which is real. They went from being all-white to now 33% or 40% [people] of color and women. "Your father embodied that change, and now you can take that legacy and take it to the future."

To me, Carlos' arc was to realize Rangers are not just inherently evil. "Yes, they have a bad history, but just like my father who I had a bad history with, they're more complex than I was giving them credit for. And rather than just spit them out and reject them, I can be the change in that organization." So that's what Carlos is going to do, and that's the symbolic relationship that he has with the Rangers.

But in a purely plot relationship, there's no better way to solve [the mystery of] "Who killed my dad?" than to be inside that organization, because Carlos believes — and I think rightly so — that some of the cases that his father worked on may end up having something to say about who killed him. So that's what I would say to people who maybe have some doubts about that.

Carlos bumps heads with Ranger Sam Campbell (Parker Young) on a big case in the premiere, but they seem to have formed a new partnership by the end of the hour. How would you describe the evolution of their relationship this season?

Raisani: I feel like they're two brothers vying for daddy's love. The dad is the chief, the older brother is Campbell, and Carlos is this pipsqueak young brother who just got to the front of the line and now he's a Ranger. And in Campbell's mind, some of it is because, "OK, this is some nepo baby stuff. Your dad was a legend, and you just get to waltz to the front of the line." We built this little family of brothers and a father, so the first episode is really about Carlos and Campbell in a foot race with each other. And then what they realize by the end of [the premiere] is, "Boy, we're a lot more effective when we work together. And in fact, we make a pretty amazing partnership."

Moving forward into the season, we get to play just how complementary these two pieces are together. One of the things I personally love about the Rangers, which we can't do from simple 9-1-1 calls, is they can go into some much more complex, deeper investigations against much darker bad guys and much more real-world problems that are happening in Texas — cartels and with drug smuggling and stuff like that. So we'll do some cases that I think people can't believe are real. But we'd never had the opportunity [to do those stories in the past], because we didn't have that vehicle to get into these stories like we do now that Carlos is a Texas Ranger who gets to investigate the darkest, most dangerous crimes that are happening in Texas.

Carlos' investigation into Gabriel's death will certainly drive a wedge between him and T.K. (Ronen Rubinstein) this season. How has Carlos and T.K.'s relationship evolved now that they've been married for almost a year?

Raisani: What I wanted to show with their relationship this season is that people can love each other with everything they've got — and everybody has challenges in their relationship. To love someone completely doesn't mean you're not going to fight all the time, and yet you can use [that conflict] to make the relationship deeper and more meaningful. We didn't want it to be happily ever after. For me, in real life, the wedding is the beginning of the story — not the end — and there are so many more deeper stories you can tell once people have that level of commitment towards each other.

We really wanted to put some pressure on that relationship. For T.K. especially, it's like, "You love Carlos. You want him to get that closure, that peace, that can come from finding out his dad's killer." But also, T.K. is a former addict who knows he's seeing signs of addiction, and Carlos is addicted to this thing, and it's clouding over and suffocating other elements of their future together because Carlos is so focused on what happened in the past. T.K., because he loves Carlos, will be patient and graceful about it, but at some point, he's going to have to put his foot down — and it's going to be very uncomfortable when he does.