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merakiui · 3 years

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I was reading through your tags and you mentioned at some point the kazuscara roommates finding your onlyfans and I think I completely combusted—thus i present to you my brain rot of late: you attend the same school as them but you’re not actually friends, all you know about kazuha is that he’s the friendly regular at the cafe you work at, who makes polite conversation every now and then but otherwise is nothing of note. In reality he’s been stalking you for weeks ever since your first encounter, and is dead set on the idea that you’re this innocent, weak thing that needs to be protected (maybe he stepped in when you had a bad customer and your meek reply helped fester his delusions?). Scara, on the other hand, is only aware of your presence since you’re his favourite cam model that he recently found. (Since he’s a harbinger he’s probs loaded) Weeks of funnelling money towards you cause him to feel this unwarranted possessiveness, believing that since he’s been providing so much in your “relationship” that it’s time you reward him in turn. However, despite the unbridled interest they have toward you neither are aware of each other’s feelings for you— that is, until you happen to run into the both of them heading to your class. While both are known for maintaining their stoic masks, they’re friends for a reason— and instantly can tell the attraction their roommates have towards their own “lover”. After kazuha finds your onlyfans he’s certain that you’ve been coerced and wants to save you, while scara thinks it’s time that he’s stopped letting other plebeians look at his possession—so, despite their initial reservations, come together to form the ideal plan. When you find yourself waking up groggy in a room you don’t recognize, all they can do is look on with glee whilst planning their next course of action with their new belonging. They’re friends after all, and good friends share though, don’t they?

This is v long srry lol you can ignore this ofc!!

AAAH, ANON!! YES!!! <3 I couldn’t resist writing more on this concept. orz They make for such a terrifying pair when they work together!

(cw: yandere, stalking, nsfw, implied kidnapping/drugging, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, delusional thoughts, savior complex, implied violence)

What if Kazuha and Scara were just acquainted with one another and actually became closer through their mutual obsession with you? Yes, they’re roommates and ought to get along because they’re living together but they haven’t exactly clicked yet. They talk every now and then and know little things about each other. Nothing too special. They don’t really hang out outside of their dorm either, what with their class schedules being vastly different. And Kazuha’s always out of the dorm doing who-knows-what. Most of his time is spent at a café, where he’ll write and read and stare at you while you work. On the other hand, Scara prefers to stay inside if he doesn’t have a good reason to go out. He likes his alone time. Although he has enjoyed going to the library every now and then to study.

So maybe they need to find some common ground. Maybe they need a push in the right direction before they get closer.

Kazuha likes to stare. Talking to you is great, but he worries he’ll say too much and then he’ll be a nuisance, or you might not want to talk to him at all since you’re working. But you always regard him with a warm smile, happy to scribble his name on the plastic cup because you remember him. Because you recognize his familiar face and soft, gentle eyes. He’s the one who saved you from that rude customer, after all, and he’s a polite regular. Why wouldn’t you know him? You might look like you can handle those types of situations, but what Kazuha saw that day was something entirely different. You were nervous—so soft-spoken and scared. He absolutely has to protect you from those kinds of people now, doesn’t he?

And he does exactly that. He’s your second pair of eyes—your valiant knight in shining armor—who sees and hears all. Sometimes he goes to the café with the intention to simply watch over you and make sure no one’s bothering you. He can recall one time when a customer was speaking rudely about you because her drink hadn’t been prepared in a ‘timely manner.’ In reality it’s impossible to make a drink within a few seconds, especially when you’re already preoccupied with making another customer’s drink. She must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, or maybe she’s just a hateful person in general. You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of such fiery insults, though.

Her eyes just can’t see your perfection and therefore she does not deserve to see out of them.

Kazuha’s willing to wrestle with all of this darkness if it means you’ll stay safe, oblivious, and pure. You’re like a defenseless kitten, unable to protect yourself from the scary world. He writes about you a lot in his journal; you’re his muse—someone who constantly shows up in poems and short paragraphs where he tries to describe what your dream date might be or what type of wedding you’d prefer. Things get darker the deeper you delve into his writings, where you’ll find entries in great detail. Kazuha writes a lot and he doesn’t even mean to. He just has to get all of his thoughts on paper before they abandon him and he’s left with emptiness.

Everything you do is pure; you’re almost an equivalent to a holy being. Your smell is pure. Your body is pure. Your actions are pure. Your smile is pure. Even when you’re on the verge of crying from harsh customers or when you’re turning down a confession, you’re still pure. And Kazuha likes that about you because it’s special. There aren’t many people in his life who are completely pure. He’s been through a lot of rough things and has seen firsthand how impure people can be. It’s only fair that he gets a chance to protect purity itself.

He might have some impurities, but that doesn’t deter him from watching over you. As gentle and unassuming as he is, there are times when even he loses his composure. Not many are privy to these dark emotions of his. His smiles are sharp and venomous and his eyes fill with a gloom so dark it can swallow you whole. You’ll never see this side of him; he won’t allow it. Instead you’re treated to his sweet, calm side, where he feigns perfection in hopes of catching your interest.

As for Scara… He doesn’t really care about Kazuha in the beginning. He’s just someone he has to live with. It’s not a big deal and as long as he doesn’t try to make lots of pointless conversation everything will be okay. He prefers the peace and quiet, considering he’s acquainted with people who are far from peaceful and quiet. Scara’s relieved that Kazuha leaves the dorm so often because it gives him an opportunity to watch his favorite cam star’s most recent video. He’s your most loyal follower—someone who’s paid lots of money just to have access to the highest tier of rewards and such. He even got a private video where you addressed him and moaned out his name with lustful thoughts of him. Having lots of money comes in handy.

When he finds out that you go to the same school as him, he’s a little shocked. He didn’t expect you to be so close. You’re practically within touching distance. If only he knew your schedule. If only you were in one of his classes. It’s really annoying that he only knows your online presence and not who you might be in your personal life. The last thing he’s going to do is consult Childe, that popular athlete who knows literally everyone in the school for whatever reason. Surely he knows you. But he’ll die before he ever asks Childe for a favor.

Scara loves you out of every other cam model because you’re different. You’re not just trying to get fast cash. You’re genuine. You listen to your subscribers and their feedback. You do your best to improve and do even better streams than the previous ones. All of your hard work is overlooked by the other fools who watch your streams, but it isn’t overlooked by him. Scara appreciates your attention to detail and the way you’re able to hook him with your breathless voice alone. You’re very skilled at what you do, so it’s only fair you get paid for it.

But buying your services isn’t enough. It’s not a real relationship, but it certainly feels like it when he buys preferential treatment. Private shows, special requests, odd favors—you do it all because he pays for it. But this relationship isn’t going to be one-sided forever. You’ll have to pay him back in full eventually. Scara likes to think he has patience and that waiting is fine. It gives him more time to plan his next move—to figure out what he should do to finally have you all to himself. So that those private shows he watches through a screen can finally be real.

Scara finds the journal sitting innocently on Kazuha’s bed, its maroon cover and maple leaves pulling at his curiosity. He might not know everything about Kazuha, but he’d recognize this journal anywhere. His roommate almost always has it on his person. Scara wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with it. To say he’s curious would be absolutely correct. He can only wonder what Kazuha writes in that thing. Perhaps it’s just notes for a class. That’s what anyone would think, right?

Scara opens it and flips through the first few pages. They’re normal for the most part. Just a bunch of haikus and other useless scribbles. When he skips over some pages, he starts to find things that are far more interesting than poetry and doodles of cats. He finds the majority of the journal is comprised of information. More specifically, there are facts and other knowledge about you—the cam model he’s been obsessed with ever since he stumbled upon your onlyfans. He reads through as much of the journal as he can and instantly learns so much: your address, your roommate, your workplace, your friends’ names, names of any potential exes. The list goes on and on.

Scara doesn’t have anything against Kazuha. His first impression of him wasn’t anything groundbreaking. He thought he was a pushover at first. But now that he knows what this journal holds… Well, it sheds an entirely new light on his roommate.

Just days before Scara took a peek inside his journal, Kazuha discovers your secret online life. He snoops through Scara’s laptop when he steps out, having left it open and unlocked. He’s just trying to find what could have caught Scara’s interest, as he’s almost always glued to his laptop on specific days at specific times, with his headphones on and his gaze unyielding. He doesn’t intend to find the file of one of your private videos—something that was meant only for Scara’s eyes.

He clicks on the video out of interest. He’s not sure what he was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn’t this. Kazuha sits there and stares at the sight before him. You’re dressed in skimpy lingerie and you’re muttering the dirtiest things while coating your fingers in lube. And your hands are stroking a thick toy and you’re addressing Scara and you’re lining it up to your hole and— He shuts the laptop before it can get even more explicit than it already is. He’s so conflicted, fraught with a betrayal so strong it weighs his heart down.

Why would he have this sort of video on his laptop? Did you give it to him? Did he make you do this? Are you in danger? Are you still pure?

Kazuha can’t kill on campus. It’s way too risky and he’d be one of the first suspects if Scara’s body is found. Besides, it’s not like he has the full story. He doesn’t know whether or not Scara’s done something that’s worthy of death. You could just be in a tight spot. He knows how easily you give in when you’re under pressure. Maybe you’re just doing this because you feel like it’s the only thing you can do. Not to worry; Kazuha will save you before Scara can ruin your purity with his twisted fantasies.

They confront each other when the time feels right. Kazuha struggles to keep a smile plastered to his face for the sake of politeness, while Scara holds in his raging temper so that he can bear some semblance of cooperation. Neither of them is happy to hear that the other went through their stuff, but they force themselves to make up because a more pressing issue is at hand: their connection to you.

Kazuha says he’s your secret admirer. Scara says he’s in a relationship with you. There’s no way you’d ever date someone like Scara—Kazuha knows this for a fact. Yet he falters at the confidence in Scara’s tone. That can’t be the truth, right? Despite this, Kazuha still strikes up an offer: If they work together to get what they both want, they’ll be unstoppable. With Scara’s riches and his influence and Kazuha’s charisma and clever thinking, they can easily get their hands on you. Of course this means they’ll have to share, but it’s not a big deal when they’re already in so deep. They both know the other’s secret; now they’re swearing to keep it in the pursuit of having you all to themselves. And luckily Scara agrees to the deal, but that doesn’t give Kazuha a reason to lower his guard.

However despite how well they work together when it comes to planning the kidnapping and actually executing it, they both have their own reasons for wanting you. Scara wishes to make his relationship with you a reality—to toss aside the screen that once held him back and finally do all of the things he could only do in his dreams. Kazuha seeks to protect your fragile heart, lest you crumble under Scara’s intense way of doing things and cling to him for salvation. You can’t do those sorts of things with Scara; he won’t allow it. Your purity is meant for him and no one else.

But sharing is caring and some have to learn that the hard way. It definitely brings Kazuha and Scara closer together, even if neither of them will admit it. If they look past their desires, they can be friends. And soon enough they’ll have to accept this new friendship if they want to avoid any unnecessary complications.

However there are times when they’ll cooperate in order to do things with you. They’re a packaged deal you can’t get rid of.

#chit chat #yandere #yandere kazuha #yandere scaramouche #kazuscara roommates #ty for feeding me anon orz #i like the idea of them being friends on the surface #but beneath that they're willing to abandon the other in order to meet their desires #but when they come together they're a force to be reckoned with #aaah i could go on and on with this concept #but i don't want to ramble #ANYWAYS TY AGAIN ANON <3 YOUR BRAIN IS SO LARGE #🧸 anon

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9tzuyu · 4 years

Text

dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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sangonomiyashrine · 3 years

Note

heyhey! can i get a kin thing for BNHA, haikyuu and danganronpa please?

she/her, INFP, ambivert

personality: im very bubbly, whimsical and sweet, and i love to compliment people and hype them up whenever they need it. Probably use the word “lovely” way too much. However, despite being bubbly and talktative i very rarely open up about myself/my interests. When you really know me i’m sarcastic, and i’m usually the really dumb friend everyone makes fun of (lovingly) bc i lack common sense but ive got the spirit lmao. Always energetic and down to do ANYTHING

hobbies: dancing/listening to music. idk if you could call it working out but i regularly put on my favourite music and just dance for hours in my kitchen at nights so lmao. also journalling, reading, annotating books. SHOPPING is my no 1 hobby tho i am always shopping for smth. Also love the colour pink an unhealthy amount

emotional state: ummmmmmmm im running on adrenaline we dont talk about her

social skills: people describe me as charming and charismatic, i love talking to people and making friends but i only have a few close CLOSE friends u get me

random facts

- obsessed w taylor swift

- my music taste goes from mcr/arctic monkeys etc to taylor swift/katy perry

- i spend like 99% of life daydreaming

you remind me of..

I also thought of Ochako Uraraka and Ibuki Mioda.

Nejire Hado - she's very bubbly and whimsical, always interested in learning about other people but doesn't share much about herself. she shows her excitement towards others and compliments people often. she's pretty much the scatterbrained "dumb" friend that everyone makes fun of, albeit out of good spirit because nobody could dislike her because she's so charming. she is filled with energy and probably down to do anything. although she loves talking to others and making friends, her more polite attitude tends to be reserved for her closer friends.

Shoyo Hinata - he's very bubbly and energized, especially when it comes to talking to others. he tends to compliment others and hype them up, because he sees something admirable in everybody. he can lack common sense sometimes which causes his friends to comment on it, but he's very charming and leaves an impact on everyone, even if the first interaction was a negative one. he's definitely ready to do anything at anytime.

Aoi Asahina - she's very bubbly and sweet, always complimenting others and cheering them up if needed. she's more of an ambivert, though she likes talking to others a lot. she can be a bit forgetful and scatterbrained, leading others to comment on it. she has the spirit though, she's very energetic and down to do anything. she can be pretty emotional underneath this and although she's friendly with everyone, it's clear who her closest friends are.

#kin assignment #kin matchup #bnha #haikyuu!!#danganronpa #nejire hado #shoyo hinata #aoi asahina

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gaemkyuu · 4 years

Text

The Recovery

Warnings: Recovery from a traumatic event, mood swings, vomiting A/N: Writing this part was therapeutic for me. In a way, this piece describes moments of what my life looked like for two years after an extremely traumatic event. I felt that maybe sharing my story this way, it could provide comfort to those who have been there or who are still there. It might even provide perspective to someone who knows a friend or family member going through something similar. Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece on Charlie Gillespie. In no way do I claim or declare that Charlie’s portrayal is accurate to real life. I do however, own Teagan Valencia :)

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

The Teagan Valencia Series: The Meeting / The Fight / The Proposal / The Present / The Recovery / The Future

*The song used in this piece was ‘Porcelain’ by Marianas Trench

The Recovery

Charlie was suddenly awakened by a sudden movement from the bed. Rolling over, he noticed the fading warmth, the sudden brightness of the ensuite light and the sounds of vomiting. He abruptly rose from the bed, threw on a hoodie and dashed over to help the poor girl emptying the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. Charlie held her hair back and soothed her back, patting it at times, as she continued to vomit. As soon as she stopped and sat back slightly on her knees, Charlie put the lid down and flushed, opening the water bottle the girl had grabbed on her dash to the toilet.

“Same dream?” she nodded, rinsing her mouth with the water and spitting it back into the toilet. He glanced at the clock that sat above their bedroom window. 2am. Even though it was dark outside, the Vancouver city line still looked so beautiful.

You thought by now You'd have it figured out

She dry heaved and Charlie instinctively pulled her hair back again. When nothing came out, he flushed the toilet again and rubbed her back. Charlie noticed that the tears in her eyes were no longer due to the vomiting, but rather the girl was starting to cry. He sat against the open door and pulled her into his lap, as she curled into a ball.

You can't erase the way it pulls When seasons change

It had been three months since the incident. Three months of on-and-off personal leave. Three months of meetings with lawyers and court appearances. Three months of trauma therapy. Three months of being afraid to be alone. Three months of feeling insecure about herself. Three months of waking up from a dream that reminded her of the events that day.

“I’m right here. No one is going to hurt you” Charlie kissed her head softly and held onto her tightly, his own tears threatening to spill. He couldn’t bear to see you like this. It didn’t matter how many therapy sessions he accompanied her to, or how many times they’ve talked about what they could do to help her heal. Seeing her like this broke his heart.

He held her until her cries softened and eventually stopped. Escorting her to the bed, he tucked her in tightly, snuggling up to her. He kissed her forehead, examining her tired face.

“I’m sorry for waking you up, Char” she whispered, inching closer to him. She hid her face in the crook of his neck and took a deep-breath. Charlie smiled softly to himself, pulling her close, knowing that she was practicing a strategy she had learned from therapy.

It hurts sometimes To find where you begin

“Teags, there is nothing to be sorry for” he kissed the top of her head, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her back. Her 5”1 frame fit his 5”8 perfectly like two puzzle pieces. The two lay there in silence for a moment or two, but Charlie knew he had to “address the situation” like they learned at her therapy sessions. “This is all a part of the recovery process Teags. Although it sucks, you can’t be mad at the way your body and mind are responding to the trauma”

“Thanks for the reminder Dr. Cheung” He grimaced at her sarcasm and cynicism.

But you are perfect porcelain

He pulled away from her to look at her eye to eye. Charlie thought that even when she was like this she was still the most amazing and beautiful woman he had ever met. She avoided eye contact, fiddling with the blanket. He kissed her nose, offering her a gentle smile. “Do you want to start or do you want me to start?”

She sighed heavily, but Charlie could feel that she was slightly annoyed with his persistence. It didn’t help that she moved to lie on her back to face away from him. She knew that Charlie was not going to let them sleep until they had this conversation, even though she knew she probably wouldn’t even go back to sleep. “Char, you have to get up early... Can’t this wait until the morning?”

“Okay, I will start” Charlie could feel her roll her eyes, but he persisted. “This is the third time this week that you’ve woken up due to a bad dream. After every dream, you’ve avoided talking about anything, insisting that we go back to sleep, even though you lay here pretending to sleep. I feel like there is a lot on your mind that you are harbouring. If you don’t find an outlet, it won’t help you heal.” She knew he was only trying to help, but she couldn’t help but feel angry with his attempts to help her...

Or was it that she was angry with herself?

The slow and simple melody Of tears you cannot keep from me It's alright if you don't know what you need

“Why are we still talking about this Charlie?!” it came out harsher than she intended to, a complete mood swing from her previous calm demeanour.

She felt Charlie flinch at her outburst. She wiped away the hot tears leaving her eyes. She immediately regretted her actions. She lost control.

Teagan hated that she was crying again. She felt like a stupid child who couldn’t control their emotions and simply move on. She knew that Charlie wasn’t the source of her anger and she knew that he didn’t deserve to be lashed at. Annoyed with herself, she sat up against their headboard and scratched her head furiously. Teagan angrily wiped her tears away, knowing what she wanted to say but not knowing how to say it. “Can’t we just drop it? I’m fine, everything’s fine!”

Charlie sighed deeply. He knew that Teagan didn’t mean to take out her emotions on him, but this hadn’t been the first time. Sometimes it made Charlie angry or upset, but he always brought himself back to the point that she didn’t mean it. What could Charlie expect of her? What happened to her would’ve messed anyone up! Heck, the therapy sessions weren’t only for Teagan... Her therapist would check up on him and give him the space to talk about how Teagan had been around him when they weren’t in the office. Sitting up to sit beside her, he wrapped an arm around her lower back and leaned his head on her shoulder. Something he always did when he needed comfort from her.

I'm right here when You need someone to see It's not speak or forever hold your peace

No words were exchanged for a while. Charlie’s head rested on her shoulder and she eventually rested her head on his, silent tears falling from her eyes, wetting his hair. He held her hand with his free one and rubbed soft circles on the back of her palm. ‘Sometimes you just have to wait until the other person is ready to talk’ these familiar words from Dr. Cheung rang through his mind as they sat there in the darkness, Charlie waiting for Teagan to start talking.

Teagan was always the strong type. She believed that everyone deserves a chance and that the world wasn’t as crappy as people thought it was. Charlie fell in love with her optimism and excitement for life. Teagan was the type of girl who hated hiking, but she would do it so she could see the beautiful view from the top of the mountain. She always believed in trying everything before deciding how she felt about it and Charlie loved this about her. Her compassion and empathy for others was uncommon, and everyone would always describe her this way. Every night before bed, Teagan would journal about what she did great that day, what she wanted to improve tomorrow and how she planned to do that. Charlie admired how intentional she was about each day and how committed she was to making the world a better place.

Her determination and conviction was so intense that Teagan was very hard on herself. It also didn’t help that her parents weren’t always the most optimistic. Charlie was sure they didn’t mean to hurt their daughter with their words, but he couldn’t help but notice how her excitement was sometimes snuffed by a comment her parents made. She would always tell him that they just thought differently and that one day they would understand, but he knew that it did bother her. He suspected that her determination was fueled by this upbringing, always being held to a higher standard because she was the oldest.

After being with her for three years, he knew that she didn’t always ask for help. He knew that she never wanted to bother anyone or admit to herself that she couldn’t do it alone. In their relationship, she had begun to start opening up more and reaching out to others for support, but after the incident, that changed. At first, Teagan was her usual self, just jumpy, but soon started to close off to others, returning to old habits. She went back to the mentality that whatever it was, if she just focused hard on it and worked hard at it, she could achieve it... But this time was different...

Teagan was focusing hard and working hard on healing, but she didn’t feel like it was working.

It's alright to take time And find where you've been

“Why am I not getting better Char?” the question came out in the quietest whisper. Charlie bit his tongue, knowing that if he stayed quiet a little longer, she would continue talking. “I’m doing everything that Dr. Cheung is saying. I’m doing everything that those self-help books and podcasts are saying. I’m doing everything that I can, but no matter what I do, it won’t go away” as she said this her voice rose but fell to a quiet whimper. “I’m trying so hard to get better but it doesn’t feel like anything is working!” Teagan felt herself tearing up again, but quickly blinked them away.

“Why are you rushing the process of healing?” Charlie’s question was simple but it made Teagan face some harsh truths that she wasn’t wanting to face. Teagan approached her trauma as if it were any other goal she had set for herself. Identify the goal and work to complete the goal. Charlie’s question was making her face the fact that this whole ordeal was out of her control and that it was going to take time. It also made her face the truth as to why she was trying to be systematic about the goal.

Charlie had been there every step of the way. She knew that he begged Kenny to work his filming schedule around her therapy sessions. She saw the way he yawned in the mornings after she had a rough night. There was only so much that movie magic could cover up and she felt guilty that her trauma was affecting him. He never had a single complaint and never got mad at her or took his frustrations out on her. The instagram comments didn’t help either as the fans noticed the weariness showing on Charlie’s normally bright face. She felt guilty for being a burden on him and she was desperately trying to get better so she wouldn’t be one.

“Because I don’t want you to leave me.”

You are perfect porcelain

Charlie snapped his head in her direction and in the moonlight, she could see his eyes wide as saucers. His mouth slightly agape and pure shock encompassed his body. He sat there in disbelief but quickly came to the realization as to what had been heavily weighing on Teagan’s chest.

“Do you feel guilty?” She bowed her head, more tears falling, but she shyly nodded her head. Charlie clicked his tongue in disappointment, not at Teagan but himself, for not realizing sooner what she had been struggling with. He moved to straddle her on his knees, his legs on either side of hers, and held her face in his hands, his own face inches away from hers. “Teagan Jillian Valencia. I will never leave you, do you understand me? I am doing this because I love you. I don’t care what I have to do but I will do whatever I can to support you.”

He kissed her forehead, nose and lips, searching her eyes for some sort of acknowledgement. He saw her hurt and her guilt for the first time, and knew that she didn’t quite believe what he was telling her. “Teags, I. Love. You. I would give up my entire career to move to the mountains and live the rest of my days there with you and our future kids. This? All of this? As much as I hate that this whole thing has been destroying you, if I had to do it again I would. Call me a simp, but I will do anything for you. Je t’aime Teagan. Il n’y a personne dans le monde pour moi, excepté you.”

When your heart releases You won't fall to pieces You'll let those old diseases lie And your breath comes crashing in

Teagan smiled for the first time that night at Charlie’s ‘simp’ comment, but she saw the sincerity in his eyes. It was the same look he held when they first met, when they fought and when he asked her to marry him. Charlie spoke through his eyes and all Teagan could see was love.

“Tu comprends? Je ne te laisserai jamais. Ever” Teagan nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly. He naturally reciprocated the hug and held her tightly, even when her grip loosened. He held both sides of her face and gave her the most passionate kiss he could muster, to which Teagan reciprocated. “I promise” he kissed her ring finger and engagement ring.

With everything going on, they couldn’t even discuss wedding plans. They were both so focused on moving past this hurdle, but Teagan realized that instead of trying to move past it, she just had to face it bit by bit, little by little. She had to admit to herself that no matter how much she wished the whole thing away, she couldn’t. She had to accept that it happened and that she can’t simply work on it like a regular goal. It was something that was going to be a part of her, where one day she would find peace and strength from it.

“Now, why don’t we cuddle and try to fall asleep?” she smiled sheepishly at him and nodded, “there’s the smile I love so much.” The both of them settled back into their bed, but this time Teagan rested her head on Charlie’s chest as he massaged her scalp, lulling her to sleep. Charlie could see that Teagan was slightly resisting the sleep befalling her, so he moved to gently massage the spot in between her eyebrows. It was an odd place to massage, but Teagan’s dad once shared that when she was little and had nightmares, this action would calm her down and put her back to bed. It worked without fail and Charlie kissed her head before settling himself into the pillow. Maybe tomorrow he would ask Savannah to come over with wedding catalogues and help Teagan start thinking about the wedding. As his tired eyes closed, he found comfort in knowing that tonight was a big step. Teagan opened up for the first time in a long time and he hoped that this was not a one time thing, but a beginning.

Like perfect porcelain

#charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie #fanfiction #imagine #TeaganValenciaSeries

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anxiouslyfred · 3 years

Text

The Rainy Painting

Summary: Remus paints the memories he gets from his soulmate and posts them online. Since it’s Tumblr he posts to he never expects that his soulmate could actually find them though.

/\/\

Remus had leapt on the idea as soon as he encountered it, and ran away with it completely over the years that the internet and social media was growing in the world. At this point there were honestly a number of blogs convinced that he was actually the one to start the trend that picked up, rather than than he'd stolen the idea from classical artists.

True, it really was only speculation that some of the masterpieces of art were inspired by soulmate memories, but that had been enough for Remus to start posting his drawings online, eventually finding Tumblr as a home for them.

Drawing them had just been a way to make the memories feel more real to him. There were places he'd never been but could tell you everything that happened to his soulmate there and he kind of wished the memories were more solid sometimes. Place names would really be useful, but despite knowing it was possible to get them, his parents often mentioned that helping them meet, Remus's soulmate never seemed to focus on locations.

It wasn't really an attempt to locate his soulmate, as Roman was far to regularly pointing out he'd have a higher chance of managing that on something like Instagram, or Twitter, or just about any social media. He just wanted to post the art that came from the memory dreams, and see just how much of the emotions around the memories he could convey in them.

Something in the art must have at least resonated with people since his art filled the most popular posts under the #soulmate dreams tag.

/Another Approach to Memory Dreams\

There were journals spread over Virgil's shelves. Sometimes the pages had full memories he'd gained while dreaming recounted in them, but usually it was descriptions of the location, everything he could remember that would stand out if he ever found himself there. All of his soulmate's memories preserved on shelves to the right of his door.

He had journals and trinkets from things he thought could be the memories sent to his soulmate too. They were kept in books to the left of his door, with pen pots and extra scrapbooks holding identifying things for the locations. How could Virgil know if someone was talking about somewhere he'd visited without a pencil or postcard stating where that was? Place names just weren't that important to him to actually remember.

Sometimes, when Virgil was feeling extremely alone and unloved by everyone, he'd read and reread all the memories of his soulmate, just trying to figure out if he could find them. If there was actually a way he might manage it from the information he'd gotten.

He'd overheard some teens talking about memory art, or soulmate art while they'd been browsing in the art store he worked at and was wondering about looking it up. Virgil would never dare to post anything he drew online. The only thing that would happen was it'd get ignored, in the best instance, otherwise he'd probably face a lot of criticism.

Virgil had seen more than enough of that hate and criticism of anything when his cousins had convinced him to get a twitter for a while. That had only lasted a week before Patton had deleted his account as well as the app from his phone, refusing to watch Virgil panic over things happening a world away they could do nothing to help, or just freaking out over the amount of things people tried to claim made someone evil that were really just coping mechanisms for stressful situations.

If people describing or painting the memories they got from their soulmate was a thing though, surely any social media would have some people posting it?

That thought had Virgil hesitantly searching it on Tumblr while trying to get the idea out of his head.

He did not expect to see the store he worked in painted red and tilted on one side. Just the brashness of the brush strokes in the painting made it feel angry, a lot like the customer from 3 weeks ago that had argued over the size a top was labelled and started throwing things when he'd informed them that he was that days working manager.

Looking on the blog that had posted it, their most recent picture was also familiar to Virgil; a soaked city street, with a blue car driving away in the distance. That could have been taken from the day Patton had left for one of his family celebrations, leaving with the comment that possibly Virgil could try making a new friend while he was away. It had left Virgil feeling abandoned and guilty, as though his isolation from the world made him a burden upon his only real friend.

Holding his breathe and wishing to anything that was listening in the universe, Virgil opened their ask box and started typing out his memory of saying goodbye to Patton. He tried to play it off, pretend it was just a strange coincidence that he'd lived the scene the painting seemed to reveal, but had to know if this could be his soulmate, could be someone actually painting his memories and posting them.

/Returning to Remus\

It wasn't often people actually commented on the scenes he painted. Sure, occasionally someone would praise the emotions Remus worked to capture in paints, but the images wouldn't get asked about. They all knew it wasn't his memory to share and that he'd only post the stories if it was something that caught his interest in absurdity.

So when Remus had a message basically telling him the memory with some details that the dream hadn't included added, he was excited and very very confused.

The message just ended as though the person sending it didn't think they could be soulmates at all, “Just you know, the latest picture made me think of that, is all.”

He wasn't replying publically if he was about to get rejected. “O.o You got the entire bloody scene completely right and are saying it 'just made you think of it'??? Honey, unless you literally have your soulmate sat right the fuck beside you, I'm claiming that role right now!!! Wanna give me the shortest description of your last memory dream in a DM and see if I can fill in some details????”

Thank goodness they hadn't sent the ask in on anon so Remus could reply privately, but this felt huge, and like he'd explode if he didn't do something right now.

By the time the alert on his phone went off again, Remus had climbed out of the window of his apartment and up onto the roof. Sure there was a fire escape but that was taking the easy route, and never let it be said that Remus took the easy route to do anything.

The message on his phone simply read “angry red dude screaming and throwing paint.”

Whomever Anxietoid-Mess was, it was now confirmed that they were Remus's soulmate.

“My brother getting angry a week ago, because I pointed out the story he's been writing is all innocent and predictable with nothing really interesting for me to want to read it. We'd been painting together in an attempt to get along because his friend doesn't think families can be as dysfunctional as ours is.” Remus recited, bouncing in his seat.

The sun was setting on the city and as much as he'd love rain, or a thunderstorm, it was easier to use a phone in dry weather. And now he was messaging, and with a few clicks now he'd remembered following, his soulmates Tumblr, well Remus's future sure looked interesting. Perhaps he could even get some place names eventually.

#dukexiety #remus sanders #virgil sanders #artist remus #online meeting #soulmate au

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readingsbylibramc · 3 years

Text

birth chart reading for @haex1991

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are mercury, the sun and saturn. you are a very extroverted and talkative person, you probably make friends easily and you come off as very approachable. you are particularly intelligent, and combined with your hard-working nature you're able to achieve anything.

your dominant sign is gemini. you are a very intelligent individual, you are thirsty for knowledge and you also have great communication skills. you have a witty sense of humor, you're able to make everyone feel at ease with your sympathy. people may say you're two-faced, but in reality you just act in the most appropriate way based on the situation you're in. you despise boredom, you're very experimental in your life, but others may mistake this trait for flakiness.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 5° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your many gemini placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust.

🌞 sun in gemini, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

with your sign in the mutable sign of gemini, you are a very light-hearted, chill individual. you're very bright and bubbly, you have amazing communication skills and also an entertaining sense of humor that is able to light up the room. you're very sociable, you like interacting with others, even though I assume that with your earth ascendant in your chart, you find it harder to let this side of you out, especially with people you don't feel comfortable with. since gemini is a mutable sign, you most likely have tons of interests and hobbies, they're so many that you find it hard to keep up with all of them, despite being extremely good at multi-tasking. in fact, you're particularly intelligent and thirsty for knowledge. you like learning about everything, you love looking and being smart. it's your way to feel empowered and proud of yourself. you always need freshness in your daily life, you cannot stand boredom. because of that, you may often change your ideas, your hobbies, your favourite singer, etc. sometimes, you could even apply this to friends and lovers, and people may consider you unloyal or not much serious because of that. in addition, you get easily very anxious and stressed, to the point that you may seem dramatic to others. you may also get scared easily, even though you try to look collected thanks to your virgo rising.

gemini sun conjunct gemini moon: you were born on a new moon, hence the sun and the moon were in the same sign at the moment of your birth. in astrology, new moons represent fresh starts; you're the type to start lots of projects, always feeling like you need to transform yourself or your routine. you're very self-aware of your identity, as you're constantly in contact with your feelings. you may even appear as too emotional, as the sun brings all your emotions out to see. some people have their sun and moon in signs that clash together, making them confused and indecisive; this is not your case, as you act to get what you want and need. you're interested in knowing more about your roots, your childhood, and also about having a family in general. when you were young, you probably were even more energetic than now. you could be the type to look nostalgically at your old pictures, and you care about your mother a lot. you're also very interested in your own culture; you're not afraid to show the world your interests, reactions and opinions. the problem with this conjunction, especially with the fact that it is in the sign gemini, is that the individual may become so self-sufficient at the point that doesn't let anyone interfer in their life. it's obviously a good thing to do when someone tries to hurt you, but there's the risk it may happen even with people that are trying to help you if not well-developed. another problem that comes with this mostly lovely aspect is that showing your emotions freely makes you wear your heart on your sleeve. people may take advantage of that, and try to hurt you about things that you care about deeply, as they're not hidden. last but not least, your parents' relationships might have had impact on your growth. maybe they're divorced, and one of them had to compensate for the missing parent; perhaps, one of them was highly influenced by the other. or maybe, they just had a very peaceful relationship that makes you have high standards when it comes to love.

gemini sun conjunct gemini mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy leo dominance makes you naturally good at coming up with creative ideas, or even poetry. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

🌙 moon in gemini, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

the most charismatic gemini decan. you're very curious about the world, you always want to be informed about the latest news and everything that surrounds you in general. this could make you love gossip and journalism, for example. in fact, you're quite chatty, you love talking to others, and you're likely to have a good sense of humor as well. you live to fill up your mind with knowledge, and you love sharing what you learn with others. in some cases, you may even come off as a bit of a know-it-all. you're really practical and logical; while this is good, as it's obviously a heavy mental work that makes you even smarter, you have the tendency to over-analyze your emotions. for example, if you start feeling happy all of a sudden, you may be so busy trying to understand what makes you so happy that you may forget to feel your happiness. you're also quite moody, and go from being full of energy and sociable to isolating yourself. I also assume that you may hide your feelings, even if you don't do it consciously. e.g, you may make jokes about them. even though you don't realize it, it's a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you're literally exposing your weak points to the world and enhancing your flaws. aside from that, I still think that people perceive you as very likeable, especially when you feel comfortable in the environment you are in. you're naturally flirty and charming, and people take note of that.

🗣 mercury in gemini, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner, but since mercury is placed in the 10th house, a water house, you may be a bit too logical and practical, lacking intuition. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded, even though you still rely more on logic, not like your sister sign is sagittarius. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know?

❤️ venus in leo, 6° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

with leo venus you're very picky, as you have high expectations for your future partner. you always try to be at your best state, and you want those who surround you to be perfect too. it's hard for you to fall for someone, as you take everything in consideration: personality, physical appearance, fashion sense... it may look like it is too much, but once you find the right one that truly satisfies your standards, you're in for a long ride. you'll want to travel, live your life in the best way possible with the person you love. you look at them as if they were the brighest star in the sky, and you want to be seen like this as well. you may even be a bit clingy, but your partner needs to be aware of that. they can't repress your need for affection. you see love as a way to revive your inner child, you feel younger when you're in love. even though you want someone fun and outgoing, you also need someone ambitious, hard-working and generally serious when it comes to committing. there's no room in your life for flaky people.

leo venus conjunct leo mars: you are very serious when it comes to love. you seek intense, long-lasting relationships, filled with both romance and passion. ironically, you tend to attract people that are the opposite, who are only looking for fun and casual romance. that could afflict your self-worth significantly, as you feel unlucky in love. this is also another placement that indicates that one of your parents, probably your father, or still anyone of the opposite sex probably influenced your approach to romance and sex. there are different scenarios I have in mind, but I'll talk about it later in the family life section.

leo venus conjunct leo jupiter: this placement makes you extremely likeable, especially with your this conjunction being in the charismatic sign of leo. you're probably quite popular, or at least you're very appreciated wherever you go. not only you're physically attractive, but you're also very friendly and charismatic, which makes it impossible not to notice you. you despise conflicts and chaotic situations in general, you're very peaceful. perhaps, to have fun you prefer using creative and artistic outlets rather than going out. I also find this an extremely beneficial placement for you, as you have a pisces descendant that makes you attract broken and / or problematic partners. with venus being conjunct to jupiter, this energy may not be as prominent as usual, as you tend to attract more positivity in your life.

leo venus opposite aquarius saturn: you feel unable to love someone. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity, especially regarding your looks. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. saturn in the 7th house may also manifest in a lack of romanticism in an individual, but I don’t think it’s totally your case. I assume that you are quite romantic, but exactly because of your romanticism, you tend to get very picky. you want your partner to meet your ideals of perfection, and hence you may often end up not dating anyone, or being let down by your own lovers. actually, you could even be afraid of love, especially because there could be a lot of karma around your relationships. you could have to experience lots of hardships throughout your love life, but they’ll help you become more mature. it’s also recommended to get married after your saturn return with this placement, hence after your 27/28 years.

☄️ mars in leo, 9° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

praise and success are what motivate you the most. your main goal in life is being praised for achieving your goals, you wouldn't feel motivated without compliments. therefore, you put energy in things that make you feel confident and noticed, as you enjoy being seen. for example, if you feel confident being well-dressed, you could spend hours in the closet to look how you want. you are very creative, you get an energy boost through creative outlets, and hence your hobbies (reading, writing, dancing, singing, drawing, etc.) recharge your battery. this placement also makes you very extra, especially with people you're close to. you may gesticulate a lot, you could as well enjoy mimicking others' voices. you're basically very dramatic, you seem like an actor when you react, but at least you're very fun and entertaining to watch and listen. this placement, it gives you a strong charisma that, and combined with your heavy gemini dominance, it makes it impossible not to notice you. you could overreact from time to time, and you may also be particularly pessimistic, but above all you appear as someone very bold and strong-minded.

leo mars conjunct leo jupiter: you are driven by a strong sense of justice that makes you want to discover the truth. you hate lies of any kind, you want sincerity from those around you and you're the first to be constantly honest. you value your freedom a lot, your life motto is most likely 'live and let live'. you think everyone should live their lives by their own standards, without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. you're a very pure and genuine person, you hardly ever judge a book by its cover, and you're also extremely open-minded. you're thirsty for knowledge of any kind, you're always up to learn something new. you may also be interested in foreign languages and cultures, as well as philosophy, literature... anything that can teach you something new about the world. you may be quite impulsive, and when you get angry you tend to be very blunt. you may say things that hurt others, as you're brutally honest, even though that wasn't your intention. you may also appear as flaky, since you don't like feeling tied to something or someone. you could often change your favourite colour, food, singer... you despise boredom, and your need for freshness may also manifest in your relationships.

leo mars opposite aquarius saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence, which you should have done by now as you've already had your saturn return.

leo mars square scorpio pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, and I find this beneficial considering that your gemini energy tends to make one superficial. with this aspect, you're probably more dedicated than the common gemini.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, you probably lack intuition just like you lack water in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental, but this energy is probably mitigated by your gemini dominance, which makes you more open-minded and flexible. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 10th house: you come off as a very private, yet mature person. you may be quite secretive, or at least you only prefer to share your persona with those around you. you probably love your career, you're very independent and responsible and people admire you for that.

your 2nd house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even keep track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your heavy gemini energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer... the ruler of the 2nd house is placed in the 10th house: your future career may include 2nd house matters; you may work in a place related to money, perhaps in a bank. you could become successful as a notary, as an accountant... anything related to finances. you could also work in an artistic field, for instance as a graphic designer, as an interior designer, as a singer... jobs that require creativity.

your 3rd house is in libra. it's most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities... you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. your mind and words are your energy tank, what satisfy you the most. you may talk a lot about different topics of any kind, from childhood to videogames, but you never get boring. you're always entertaining to listen to. you also have your scorpio pluto in this house: you're extremely blunt and straight-forward, you may actually hurt people with your words, even though you mean no harm. the thing is, you speak the truth, but not everyone can accept it. that's why your behaviour is so controversial. though, since you also have a libra 3rd house, I assume you could manifest this side of you only when you react by impulse, when you're angry. otherwise, you try to be as well-spoken as possible. you speak fluent sarcasm, and that could annoy people who don't understand your sense of humor. you're probably good at lying, and even manipulating people. you may often make others change their mind just with your own words, but be careful not to use this skill to hurt others, or you'll only experience a sense of guilt and overall the bad sides of it. on the other hand, you're an extremely captivating speaker, you'd be successful at anything that involves the use of words and voice. you're truly intuitive, and it's easy for you to understand when someone is being honest or is lying to you. last but not least, you're very secretive as well. you're probably the type to know everything and anything about others, while you remain a mystery. with the ruler of the 3rd house being in the 10th house, you may often talk about your career and about your achievements. you may also live more into the future rather than in the present, hence you could often make plans and talk about what you want to happen.

your 4th house is in scorpio. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. in addition, it's also probably that your parents were particularly overprotective, and hence they could have limited you from making experiences. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn, with also your saturn, uranus and neptune placed there. capricorn and saturn usually bring a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your gemini sun gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your gemini dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. since in your chart the 5th house represents your job too. you’ll most likely meet your future spouse at your work place. you could pursue the same career, they could be a customer of yours… or perhaps, you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your dominant sign is gemini.

your 8th house is in pisces. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. yet, due to this placement, you struggle to let this side of you out and make it concrete. since you have a strong virgo dominance in your chart, I assume that the reason for this blockage is your rationality. you’re way too logical, and you don’t leave space for your imagination. that’s probably caused by the fact that you’re afriad of being seen as a failure, and hence you don’t really go out of your comfort zone when it comes to your ideas. to reach your state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality, just like the fact that the ruler of the 8th house is in the 5th house confirms: you have 8th house-related hobbies, such as astrology, horror, occult, sex, psychology… or perhaps, you could work in one of those fields. you may also handle someone else’s money, hence you could work in a bank.

your 9th house is in aries. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do. yet, since mars is making harsh aspects to saturn and pluto perhaps, during your childhood, you were restricted from acting the way you wanted. it’s like your ideas were disrespected, and you weren’t allowed to embrace them, or perhaps you were afraid of the consequences. it may be that when you try to break free from what you consider to be a limitation, you may come across a few struggles that could possibly hurt you. luckily, this is an aspect that will naturally get better time with time as you get more mature. in school you were very competitive, you probably studied to get high grades rather than actually learning, you are very motivated to be #1 in everything you do. you may also experience lots of intense events in your life, you may be the type to try extreme things and experiment a lot.

your 10th house is in taurus, with also your gemini stellium with the sun, the moon and mercury. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with your virgo ascendant you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be drawn to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even stuff like food. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a therapist or a counsealor, as well as an actor or comedian. you will probably get to communicate something in your career, you may want to spread a certain message or you may have to interact with other people for your job. you could also be in charge, you may get a very high position in your agency or you could even have your own business, I don't see you having to depend on others ar all. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest! but make sure that you understand who you want to be, as geminis tend to be quite indecisive.

your 11th house is in cancer. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. venus is also placed in this house; you're not into clichés. sure, you need a loyal partner who's stable both emotionally and financially, but at the same time they must have something unique about them. you're not the type to fall for the first guy you see down the street. in addition to that, you're not into the typical, cheesy romantic stuff. you want your partner to be a friend, not only a boyfriend/husband. you want to feel able to talk and vent to them, just like you'd do with a friend, but also someone that is willing to stay with you through thick and thin. you hardly fall in love at first sight, and you act quite casually around your crushes. in fact, most of the times you come off as so detached that you hardly look like you're interested in someone. you could also end up dating or even marrying someone from your group of friends. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 10th house: you most likely have very big dreams for your career, your biggest goal is being financially stable and working in the field of your dreams.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. mars and jupiter also sitting here in a conjunction; with jupiter here you most likely have lots of dreams, that could even predict the future. you may have a lot of nightmares, they may involve violence or even death. mars also makes it a little bit hard for you to take action, you could be so logical and practical that you may lack impulse to you. you may even have sleeping as a hobby, you could sleep a lot to relax. you could also enjoy yoga, meditating and doing charity work.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract cancer, sagittarius, pisces and capricorn placements. your future spouse will most likely have cancer and capricorn traits placements. they’ll be very assertive, mature and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. as I’ve already mentioned before, you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert… also, your spouse will most likely be one of your soulmates, and hence once you meet them you’ll probably have this 'I’ve already seen you before’ feeling. they’ll seem very familiar, and you’ll find emotional comfort in them. your children will most likely have strong capricorn, aquarius or pisces traits: they’ll be very hard-working and ambitious, but also very funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely creative and more mature as time goes by.

👶🏻 family life

I won’t say much in this section as I’ve already talked about your childhood in the 4th house section. anyways, your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio, gemini, virgo, leo, libra or aries placements in her chart, as well as taurus. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be quite pleasant. probably, you used to get along very well with them, it was pleasant for you to hang out and talk to them. they could have libra, scorpio or taurus placements in their chart.

📊 career

luckily, there are many aspects in your chart that indicate that you’ll be able to earn a big amount of money from your future job. it will most likely allow you to communicate your feelings, and it will also be the key to finally achieve a stable relationship with your self-image and worth. there are strong placements in your chart that point out to acting and writing talent, as well as singing talent. you’re just a very charismatic speaker, so I’d suggest you to take advantage of this natural talent of yours to earn money, luck and self-esteem. you'd do well at writing of any kind, especially creative writing; you may write books, poems, or maybe articles for fashion magazines. careers that allow you to interact with others and talk about feelings are also recommended, hence you may do well as a nurse, as a therapist, etc. you may also work in a company and achieve a very important position in it, especially since venus, the ruler of your 10th house, is conjunct mars, the planet of leadership. you're certainly going to be very independent, people will look up to you.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

keyword for your wardrobe: black. every leo venus loves black, it's probably my favorite love story. after all, it's such a versatile color! it can be both badass and classy, how can I blame you. you may also have a thing for anything that looks luxury and high quality; you probably enjoy wearing designer brands, especially in your belts and bags. you may also like wearing fitted clothes, even just simple skinny jeans or tight tops. aside from black, you could as well use white and bold colours like gold, hot pink etc. also, you may as well be into pastel colors, and you could like following fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life time, you didn’t have a specific priority. you just enjoyed wandering with your mind and creativity, allowing yourself to relax with your friends. you used to depend on someone else, not really on yourself. this lifetime, you need to establish your independence AND solid boundaries, not just those you used to daydream about. don’t be afraid to let your inner child out; go to amusement parks, binge-watch netflix, date your crushes, have an hobby, play videogames… you could also play with actual children. anything that brings fun out of you, and that puts a genuine smile on your face.

🤔 major transits analysis / may 1st

you could be undergoing a period of transition, as your natal saturn is conjunct transit pluto in your 5th house. perhaps, you're starting to explore more hobbies, you're dedicating more time to yourself and hence you're discovering something new about your persona. you may also be cutting off a toxic relationship with a friend or even with a partner, it's a very intense change but that is necessary for your growth. the moon is also conjunct your natal neptune, so I'd suggest you to pay attention to your dreams and to your intuition, as they could be trying to communicate you something.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is it!! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

#astrology

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poetrusicperry · 3 years

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Hello, there <3 Just came across your blog and I adore your writing so much.

I saw your previous post with platonic pairing headcanon with one of the poets, it was so cute and adorable and I would love to get one as well, if you don’t mind?🥺

Here’s how I’d describe myself: I go by she/her pronouns. I’m an INTP and type 9. Also a Slytherin. My style is probably light academia but my general aesthetic is probably dark academia.

Since I’m not that good with socializing, I’m ~really~ struggling with making new friends, but the good thing is that I managed to have a small circle of friends and being the one who is too chill about everything (but can be the silliest one too at some point) in the group. I love to be seen as the extrovert in the room, but sometimes I tend to crave my alone time desperately. I don’t like being straightforward to people or being too honest with them about something and I rarely yell when I get mad. I just can’t hurt people’s feelings and I feel like I have this strong desire to be liked by everyone. I’m definitely not an independent person, but I’m trying to be! Most people I know would often tell me their secrets for some reason, thus I keep literally everyone’s secrets and I remember every single one of them very vividly LOL. My friends would tell me that I’m a bit sneaky :/ They would also often assume that I don’t have any life problems because I'm (indeed) super relaxed and never really showing my emotional side. I absolutely adore quiet meadows, small bakeries and old buildings. I change my hobbies over time, but I always love to read some good books and do some rock painting :D A huge fan of turtlenecks, classical music, scented candles and desserts!!! I wish to study criminology (or perhaps classical studies) once I go to the uni.

Thank you so much and have an amazing day! <3

hello my dear anon (: thank you for your kind words. apologies that it took me a while to get to this, but i hope you like it !! <3 i also hope your mental health continues to get better and you continue to be comfortable with the person you are (:

ship:

(platonically) shipping you with everyone’s fav timid poet, todd anderson (: i just think your personalities juxtapose really well and align in certain places, too

hcs:

todd would find such a calming presence in you, that he couldn't help but be platonically drawn to you. he’d see how kind you were to people (even people you didn’t even know), making him have the hugest friend crush on you

your extrovertedness would encourage todd to open up, leading to countless nights staying up and exchanging silly stories that would leave you both with sore abs from laughing too much

he’d ask about your collection of classical music vinyls and you’d tell him all about it (the next time you saw his and neil’s room, you’d find a couple classical vinyls that todd had bought for himself (‘: )

you guys would totally hang out during the summer when his family was away on vacation (he never liked to go so he stayed home) and you guys would explore every night, finding new places to sneak to in the daytime to read or listen to him recite his poetry

he’d get a little bit closed off for awhile, but when you asked him about it (you thought he was mad at you or you did something wrong, so you just had to ask him), he confessed to you his feelings for neil and that he didn’t know what he was doing/he was scared. naturally, you kept that secret, even after neila and todd started dating (:

as evidenced by the former, todd had a level of trust in you that he seldom had with other people and he would come to you about everything

you guy would have this appreciation for really good desserts, and would often seek out a new place to try pastries or cakes, keeping a record of them all in a shared journal (:

rock painting would confuse todd at first, but once you introduced him, he was endlessly fascinated and always on the hunt for rocks to give you. you’d come back to your dorm room to a bag full of rocks with a note that said “for your creations - t.a.” so you’d definitely paint some to give to the poets (that they absolutely adored)

he would just really like how comfortable he was around you; you never yelled, never made him feel stupid, and you were one of the people in his life that he never felt wronged by (:

you’d drag him along to a haunted building, where he’d be super anxious, but he’d up getting some really good writing inspiration, creating a poem that was beautifully haunting (mr. keating would adore it)

you two would definitely spend multiple evenings melting the leftover wax in your candles into one massive candle that smelled so weird, but interesting nonetheless

he’d buy you a book titled “the top 20 american murder mysteries” after hearing about your plans for college, claiming, “the book will give you a headstart into your studies !”

overall, you and todd would have very good give and take, your calm and level-headed nature would be a huge comfort to him, and he loved that he could trust you about anything and everything. he’d be just as much of a comfort for you, taking an interest in your interests and loving anything/everything you would talk about (he’d just really like to listen to you talk). you’d both need alone time, which somehow aligned, making your friendship that much easier and comfortable (:

#dps #dps headcanons #angelina writes

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mishasadeemmahmood · 3 years

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Interviews on Problem Solving

Introduction:

There are three people who I choose to interview because they are passionate about their creativity and embrace their entrepreneurial spirit. They kindly asked me to use their initials for privacy reasons. In

The first person is EMG. She is a business creative for an entertainment company in LA. She is in charge of tracking project milestones with her company, including managing project scope and undertaking project analysis.

The second person is KJ. She is a well-known makeup artist in Arkansas, but she has goals and desires to do make-up artist in film and entertainment. She owns a successful freelance make-up business, and the majority of her clients include brides, high school seniors, and working professionals. She does photography on the side.

The third person is SC. She works as a project manager for Coastal Custom Building. She lives in Florida. She’s also a very amazing artist. She is in charge of setting budgets and scheduling the design completion.

How do you generate ideas?

For EMG, she generates ideas by doing her research and talking to people. She analyzes the pros and cons of her environment as a way of identifying the problem. She brainstorms and reads the appropriate books she needs to find a solution. If she doesn’t know something, she will go on Google or ask experts in areas she’s not an expert in.

For KJ, She is inspired by things around her, from the smallest to the biggest. She is constantly observing my surroundings consciously and subconsciously. Color, texture, and pattern inspire her. People and their cultures, uniquenesses and varieties lifestyles inspire her as well.

SC’s inspirations come from historical figures and mythology. Those stories and specific objects become a cot stone in their story and what she wants to use in her art.

What obstacles do you face, and how do you overcome them?

The obstacles that KJ faces are ways of combining my observations to express my thoughts, feelings, and visions.

KJ overcomes those obstacles by brainstorming and keeping a pen and pad to start and keep notes, ideas, and solutions while keeping and open, creative mind.

SC's obstacles are mostly trying to transform/transfer those ideas onto a medium that encapsulates what she is feeling within the architecture. Sometimes feelings are hard to describe. It takes deep thoughts, time, and trial and error to come up with a solution. She’s not afraid of making mistakes and moving forward, which is her way of overcoming obstacles.

The obstacles that EMG faces are physical and emotional burnout. She is surrounded by an environment where she feels she cannot be her person. She gets self-conscious because she thought that her knowledge was not well-versed. To let go of the negative emotions, she practices self-care. She needs to be around people that support her objectives, so she feels that she’s heard. That’s her way of feeling confident that she can handle people that think differently than her.

What processes do you use to solve the problem?

EMG uses a mind map to identify the problem. She looks for common words for her to see what the root of the problem is. This helps her develop factual data. She asks five times why to help her do appropriate research. She brainstorms ideas, asks for feedback, breaks them down into steps, and prepares for the execution.

KJ takes pictures and needs to look at color to solve her problems. She scrapbooks and starts writing in her journal her thoughts and feelings. Once her emotions are out in the journal, that helps her solve her problems and helps her find a solution.

SC takes the initiative, which is pretty bold. She believes that you have to rely on your judgment and think on your feet. The real world is messy, and you have to make quick decisions based on incomplete information.

CONCLUSION

Overall, I feel that my thought process aligns most with KJ. She takes photos and uses moodboards to stimulate her creative thought process. We are people that use journals to write down our feelings. It helps us organize our thoughts and we use planners to get the execution going. Also, like EMG I have to mind map and research in order to be better at problem solving. SC I get where she is coming from with being bold and taking initiative, however I am not a person who can just go with it all the time. I have to take a step back and think, so I can rely on my gut instincts.

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autumnblogs · 4 years

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Day 4: You eat a weird bug and don’t even care.

Starting later than usual today because I’ve been absolutely swamped with work. Let’s get down to business to defeat the Huns.

https://homestuck.com/story/644

I’ve never really gotten why John falls asleep here. Seems an odd place to fall asleep, especially with the adrenaline rush that must have been. Maybe he’s passing out from exactly that? Alternatively, maybe Vriska is putting him to sleep.

I also forgot that John Sleeps/Skaian Magicant is split between two flashes.

https://homestuck.com/story/651

Ah here we go. John has what are, if Jade is to be believed, lousy dreams. He dreams of his Dad, of clowns, of baked goods, of Fruit Gushers, of his own symbol, the weird knock-off slimer, and Harry Anderson, before finally Jade appears.

I am not a psychologist or therapist. I am not even anything more than an amateur literary critic. But let me give you my take on that. It’s clear that John is dreaming about all kinds of things that are giving him anxiety here, if Jade’s assessment about his dreams being lousy is true.

Harry Anderson is, as he’ll say later, kind of a weird mutual father figure for him and his Dad, and as a stage magician and comedian, he represents John’s aspirations.

John wants to grow up to be a great stage magician and comedian, and if there’s anything we’ve seen about the Heir of Breath so far, it’s how extremely self-critical he is of his abilities - he’s screwed up every disguise and magic trick he’s tried so far.

The other things are pretty self-explanatory - he’s anxious about his relationship with his Dad, he’s anxious about his Dad’s identity, he’s anxious about his own identity - with the exception of the gushers. Are gushers just symbolizing Sburb for John? Does he have a premonition that the gushers are tainted by the hand of his archnemesis, Betty Crocker? Maybe that one’s just silly.

Maybe they’re all just silly!

https://homestuck.com/story/652

I promise I will have more to say about Jade’s conversations once she is actually introduced, but until then, she is too enigmatic for me to talk about :^)

I will say, if the fact that John is stressing out about everything in his life and just not vocalizing his anxiety, it’s probable that he thinks Jade is just as mysterious as his pals think she is, and is just not talking about it.

I think John, like Jake, is way more intelligent than he lets on, and probably just keeps a lot of things on a simmer, thinking about them without necessarily opening up about them. He talks a lot about surface level stuff for sure, but he seems a lot more hesitant to talk about emotions, theories, that sort of thing. It actually reminds me a lot of how Kim Kitsuragi from Disco Elysium, far from his highly imaginative partner the player character, writes his thoughts down in a notebook to keep track of his through processes, hunches, case details, etc, whereas the Detective organizes everything in an interactive Thought Cabinet that serves as one half of the game’s Inventory and Progression System.

For example, John’s ability to describe and his ability to theorize is on full display in the FAQs that he writes, but when he talks, he’s often just as disorganized as he is everywhere else. Maybe John needs to take up journalling.

Huh. I wonder if Kim is a Prospit Dreamer and the Detective is a Derse Dreamer? That would make a lot of sense. Once @bladekindeyewear finishes playing Disco Elysium (which he is playing at my behest), I’ll see if he’s interested in assigning Lunar Sway, Classes and Aspects to the two of them.

https://homestuck.com/story/665

Dave Owns. The Narrative switches between character perspectives often right before there’s a major climax so that lots of characters can all have climactic encounters in sync with one another.

Eye imagery is on full display here as Dave ascends to the highest point in the building. The Sun over Dave’s house is drawn differently from other abstractions of the Sun in Homestuck, and this particular drawing of the Sun will later be juxtaposed against Terezi’s eyes as Alternia’s Sun burns them out.

The Sun as the Symbol of Light is also juxtaposed with Rose’s eyes later when she uses her seer powers, strengthening the connection between the Sun and Eyes. Near the very beginning of the comic, Rose compares the Sun moving on from the east coast to the west as him casting his lurid gaze on younger parts of the world, or the country. I’m not recalling the exact phrasing at this time.

Lil Cal’s creepy eyes are also highlighted by the Camera here. Through the vehicle of Lil Cal, Lord English is watching and quietly giving approval to all of this.

I choose to interpret the camera’s focus in this flash as giving us a glimpse into what Dave is paying attention to. And boy does Dave notice all of these eyes on him. Between seeing the sun as a malevolent eye watching him, to Lil Cal’s glassy gaze, to the Cameras bro uses to surveil him 24/7, Dave feels like he’s constantly being watched, and I think it’s safe to say it gives him the creeps.

https://homestuck.com/story/673

WV’s self-estimation isn’t much better than John’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/678

I wonder if we can get some insight into the strange minds of the Carapacians in the way that before he’s even finished receiving the commands, WV acts on them. WV is even more impulsive than John.

https://homestuck.com/story/684

Oh yeah, WV’s self-worth is way worse than John’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/685

Luckily almost as soon as his thoughts come, they go. He doesn’t spend too much time brooding over his self-loathing and survivor’s guilt, so good for him.

https://homestuck.com/story/688

A whole bunch of things that are symbolically related to the cast!

While WV’s can town playtime functions as foreshadowing for us, it serves as a replay of the extremely recent past for him, at least in terms of events that we know about.

https://homestuck.com/story/694

The light on Serenity’s belly looks a bit like the Sun, and therefore, an eye.

https://homestuck.com/story/699

The Blue Trees of Can Town call forward to Terezi’s forest, but I don’t think this is probably more substantial than something fun Andrew decided to call back to when he was writing the trolls.

IDK. Maybe Blue Trees = Democracy = Justice?

But Terezi’s brand of justice has nothing to do with Democracy.

https://homestuck.com/story/709

Tab, like GameBro, is an artifact of a bygone age.

https://homestuck.com/story/711

It’s a lot easier to become a citizen of Can Town than it is to become a citizen of the United States!

https://homestuck.com/story/714

I wonder who input all those commands before WV got on board? Maybe whoever was in charge of building these contraptions in the first place - a Carapacian Lab Rat in the Veil.

Always felt like the unseen actors making Sburb run behind the scenes were one of the nicest touches, they lend an air of sinister mystery even beyond the Guardians.

https://homestuck.com/story/721

I am not good at chess.

Maybe sometime, I will have my friend who is good at Chess analyze this game, and see how he feels about it.

https://homestuck.com/story/735

WV’s Self Esteem is very, very bad.

https://homestuck.com/story/752

Our first introduction to the laws of time travel in Homestuck - the past is a place that materially exists, and in only one specific configuration that can be interacted with. You can only bring things forward from the past if nobody else got to them before you. You can’t go back and undo things that somebody else (or you) has already done according to the canonical configuration of events.

https://homestuck.com/story/757

This is ridiculously cool.

Homestuck’s huge climactic story events are arguably one of the things that makes it so special as a story. I can’t think of a story that does such a good job of building up tension in multiple storylines before having them all converge.

https://homestuck.com/story/760

https://homestuck.com/story/765

I wonder what the exact mechanism is by which Jade is aware of the gaming abstractions and commands to the degree that she is? Is it just her Skaian dreams? This could be a one-off gag, but it could also be an indication of a degree of clairvoyance greater than that which I feel like the visions she has as the Prospitian Moon passes through Skaia.

https://homestuck.com/story/768

Jade loves to watch things grow.

It’s a Space Thing.

https://homestuck.com/story/777

According to BladeKindEyeWear’s Inversion Theory Jade’s complicated and carefully orchestrated time loops, which she uses to connect people with possibilities, is an example of her inverting under extreme stress, acting more like a Seer of Time, her opposite, than like a Witch of Space (in much the same way that Rose acts an awful lot like a Witch of Void for much of the comic’s first half!)

I expect a real Seer of Time wouldn’t need quite so many contrivances to keep track of everything going on in the past and future. Eventually, Jade stops using her colourful reminders, which is probably an indicator that she is no longer attempting to play outside of her lane.

https://homestuck.com/story/789

Pretty much all of Jade’s interests cast her immediately as someone with a pretty strong maternal instinct, something that she shares with other heroes of Space. Jade is a caretaker.

Her playthings are dolls so she can roleplay the part of a Mom. She grows oodles of plants, and seems to have a knack for it. She likes animals, and though the only animal in her life takes care of her, she puts in some work to take care of him too.

Her interests definitely mark her as the more classically girly of the two between her and Rose, and like her brother is preoccupied with manhood and Dadliness, Jade seems to preoccupied with Momliness - which is odd, considering that she doesn’t have a maternal figure to aspire to! (Maybe the White Queen?)

https://homestuck.com/story/790

Jade is not of course, only girly. The same way that Dad’s culturally out-of-place baking hobby marks him as transgressively feminine to John’s dismay, Jade’s scientific and artillerist hobbies are transgressively masculine.

Although it’s tempting to say that Jade loves the sciences because Grandpa raised her to, or because she’s aping him after he died, she’s clearly born to it. I think about the question of nature and nurture a lot in Homestuck.

I think on the whole, it falls pretty far to the side of Nature. Characters who share a common ancestry also share common character traits more often than not, even in the absence of shared cultural touchstones, shared geography, shared timeline. The same character only has a limited number of possible choices that they could have made, as Aranea will later say.

On the other hand, some characters turn out very different in one life than they do in another. Dirk doesn’t turn out nearly the psychopath that Bro Strider is by the time that Homestuck Proper concludes.

https://homestuck.com/story/795

Squiddles are, as everyone knows by now, a manifestation of the Dark Gods of the Furthest Ring, but I think there’s more going on with them too - they have kind of a horny energy that I can’t quite place. I’m going to come back to that. Any case, they seem to be one of the symbols that Rose and Jade share in common, although Rose subverts the colorful and cute squiddles into icons more of the extradimensional beasties that they actually represent.

Maybe I think Squiddles are a symbol of horny for the same reason that snakes are lewd to Cherubs - there’s definitely something phallic about tentacles, and definitely something intimate about the idea of becoming someone’s tangle buddy. The very first time I read Rose’s handle, I thought it read Tentacle The Rapist, which I suspect is kinda the point, and some of Andrew’s other works have variously described the process of interacting with tentacles as being molested and so on and so on.

Rose and Jade actually share a huge number of symbols in common between the two of them, which I think is great, but also sad - Rose and Jade clearly actually have quite a lot in common, and the two of them don’t really interact very much.

https://homestuck.com/story/797

I’m going to eventually decode Jade’s fascination with animals too, but for now I want to remark that it’s not just the idea of looking like an animal that excites Jade - it’s the idea of being like an animal that excites her. The exact same little poem is later reiterated by Serenity in WV’s nightmare, as he dreams of losing control of the power of the Ring of Orbs Fourfold and killing everyone he loves. What would be a nightmare for WV though is a fantasy for Jade. The idea of being out of control is thrilling for her.

Dave is also a furry.

https://homestuck.com/story/798

The trappings of a proper gentleman. Monocle. Pipe. Top Hat. Little White Gloves. A proper gentleman without these is a piss poor excuse for a proper gentleman indeed.

SYMBOLS.

https://homestuck.com/story/800

Another spot where Jade is able to interface directly with the audience, in some form or another.

https://homestuck.com/story/802

Jade may have fantasies of transforming into something more animalistic, but she’s not willing to indulge them.

https://homestuck.com/story/803

Jade completely rejects the symbols of witchcraft that Rose so readily embraces.

https://homestuck.com/story/804

Jade contemplates engaging in some Vriskaesque behavior. Is it just because Vriska is watching her? Maybe she’s picking up some Vriska-esque vibes through the feed as the Thief of Light practices her mind control.

https://homestuck.com/story/808

I think it’s safe to say one of two things is going on here.

Jade is either literally cognizant of the audience and interacting with them, putting her on a layer of the story that is quite a lot closer to us than you would expect of someone as innocuous as Jade (maybe the immediate presence of the Fourth Wall upstairs could facilitate that relationship?)

Or Jade has an active imagination, is extremely lonely, and likes to interact with her imaginary audience as a way of projecting a friendly and hospitable demeanor onto the world around her in sort of the exact opposite way that Rose imagines the worst of everything and everyone?

Or, as it often is in Homestuck, it could be both motherfuckin’ things.

https://homestuck.com/story/829

Did I mention Dave is a furry? Dave is totally a furry.

If we read Squiddles as a symbol of intimate contact with living things, Jade’s computer having Squiddles front and center is appropriate - it’s her point of contact to all the people in her life.

Tune in on the morrow to watch Dave’s Bro beat the shit out of him.

Until then, this is Cam signing off, alive and not alone.

#homestuck #liveblogging #commentary #disco elysium #bladekindeyewear #inversion theory #squiddles

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that-ot-over-there · 3 years

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the queen of cultural humility

Culture can be a huge part of many people’s lives. Personally, I don’t really believe in a specific prescribed religion. I am an open person and I am always curious to explore other religions. From this, I was able to take elements of what I felt worked for me and create my own culture with my own beliefs. My clients, on the other hand, are a Christian woman (1) and Catholic man (2). Catholicism is known for being very strict. Recipe for disaster, right? Wrong!

According to The American Journal of Occupational Therapy, cultural humility can be described as “flexibility; awareness of bias; a lifelong, learning orientated approach to working with diversity; and a recognition of the role of power in health care interactions.” (American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 2020) Due to my openness to learning about things like religion, I felt like I had an advantage when it came to cultural humility as I am able to accept other cultures and religions and I am keen to keep learning more.

Although my client (2) grew up in a strictly Catholic home, he does not really practice his religion much since being in the hospital. This meant that religion was not a topic that was really focused on in our sessions but when we did talk about it, I always ensured to be accepting and never impose my self-made beliefs onto him.

Client (1) on the other hand was extremely religious. Religion came up in almost all of our sessions and our beliefs almost always clashed. Her spiritual nature challenged my scientific mind and she was a worthy opponent. This came in the form of her diagnosis and condition as she believed God would restore her function and as a quadriplegic due to a spinal cord injury I knew that was not likely. However, I had to be sensitive to the client’s religion as it was not my place to break her faith or impose my own ideology onto her. I did however attempt to explain my view from a medical stand point to which the client understood but respectfully disagreed with. Fortunately for me, she was a very open-minded woman herself and also respected all other beliefs. This made for some very good conversation in our sessions as she opened my eyes to many aspects of Christianity which I was unaware of and it was a great opportunity for me to expand my knowledge and incorporate those beliefs into how I can be more sensitive moving forward.

Cultural humility assists therapists to plan their intervention accordingly to their client’s needs and wants and in terms of their belief system and how it affects their perception of their illness. In my own experience, I was able to do this with both my clients as I was able to get a holistic view of both of them which helped me understand their interests and how they work thereby giving us a mutually beneficial partnership as the client was participating in a meaningful activity (which benefitted their Areas of Occupation and client factors) and I was able to assess and treat them effectively.

I may understand cultural humility well but there is always room to learn more and update my knowledge. People often underestimate the effect that culture can have on a person. Not only in terms of their spiritual well-being or emotional well-being (as it gives a person direction, purpose or meaning) but also in terms of physical well-being. One’s culture can act as a huge motivator for many people and can pull them out of really dark patches which can sometimes give them the physical strength to get better once they change their mind-set. This enforces why cultural humility is so important. Respecting other people’s beliefs is not hard but controlling your own biases may prove to be a challenge for many who believe more strongly than I do. Cultural humility must be respected at all times because everyone is fighting their own battle and some people may be using their faith as their chosen fighter. As a health care professional, you don’t want to be the reason they lose.

#occupationaltherapy #culture #faith #spinalcordinjury #cultural humility

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konan-supernova · 5 years

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WHOOOO WROTE THIS IN LIKE AN HOUR WITH NO EDITING HERE Y'ALL GO

WARNINGS: spoilers for the Steven Universe finale, (probably) inaccurate depictions of therapy, and mention of trauma (let me know if I missed anything)

---

Steven fiddled with the hem of his shirt, picking at the few loose threads he found hanging around. He was careful not to pull on them, though, as he was looking to avoid unraveling half his shirt during his first therapy session here. He wanted to at least try to make a good impression.

Speaking of which, he was already pretty sure this wasn't a fit for him. He'd already gotten a strange impression here. Connie had recommended he try out a few different specialists before settling on one…. Despite having not yet met the doctor, he was already uncomfortable in the space.

The sign in the waiting room had been flipped from "Quiet! Session in session!" to "Come on in, patient!" when Steven got there, so he had settled into the office room where he was supposed to meet his potential therapist. Nobody was there at first, so Steven waited for about a minute and a half, taking time to examine the room.

The office was way less serious than he'd been expecting: the bookshelves and desk were covered in cartoon and kids movie memorabilia, and the walls were bright and decorated with various animal stickers. It felt a bit too childish for Steven, who was trying to deal with his more adult problems as he grew older. He wasn't really looking to be treated like a child again.

So, yeah. He'd sit through the session and let Dad know that he wanted to try someone else.

He jumped as the door clicked open behind him, though the hallway outside was empty. Had the door opened on its own, or…?

"Tears of sorrow, tears of joy-"

What? That's… no way!

"-there'll be tears to the very end!"

Is my therapist singing...

"Food with feelings-"

...the theme song for…

"-Crying Breakfast Friends!"

Steven blinked as the doctor jumped into the office, swinging his arms wildly as he finished the song.

"Hello, hello, hello! My name's Dr. Picani, and you must be my new patient!"

"Um, yeah. Steven Universe, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Steven!" Picani performed a deep bow, bouncing upright a second later. He sat at his desk and pulled out a journal, adjusting his glasses.

"So, what can I do 'ya for?"

"Well, I had a pretty bad breakdown recently, and I wanted to talk about it, and, um, prevent myself from getting that bad again."

"Alright, Steven. That kind of thing is perfectly normal, especially for teenagers," Picani set down his journal, leaning back into his chair. "It can be very hard to deal with the powerful emotions that come with puberty, and-"

"I don't think it was just that," Steven sighs. And fine, he's really going to try, he's really going to be open and honest with this quack.

"Can you elaborate?"

"Um, yeah. Only if, uh, if you promise to believe me. At least to listen to me."

"It's my job to listen, Steven."

And he really was listening, by the looks of things: he was leaned forward now, arms resting on his desk with his journal in hand. He was staring at Steven intently, but not accusingly. It was a gentle, almost parental gaze.

Steven felt very, very safe then, for reasons he couldn't quite describe.

"I'll start at the beginning."

"It's a very good place to start!"

"Um, right. So, I'm only half human. I'm half Gem, which is a type of alien species that made contact with the Earth thousands of years ago…"

---

"...and then, I guess I corrupted. I didn't even think I could, but I did, and I did it to myself. Nobody got hurt that time, but I don't know how to…"

Steven paused, grabbing another tissue from the box next to him. I don't know how to what?

"It's alright, Steven. Take your time." Picani's voice was gentle and reassuring, and Steven nodded. He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, and tried again.

"I guess I don't know how to move on. I hurt people, a lot, and I hurt myself in a way, and I don't know how to keep going after that. I don't know what to do with my life now, or, or how to recover from any of this."

"That's a lot to deal with. I'm very glad you came to talk to someone about what you've been through. You shouldn't have had to deal with that on your own."

"Yeah, I guess." Steven drooped on couch, peaking at the clock on the wall opposite him. It had only taken ten minutes to completely spill his heart out and explain sixteen years of trauma.

At least Picani had believed him. To most humans, his story would have sounded like fantasy. He was lucky to have met a therapist who take at least that seriously.

"Steven, do you watch cartoons?"

The teen in question looked up slowly at Dr. Picani, eyes wide in shock at the complete nonsequitur.

He glanced around the office again. The same plastic figures met his gaze, and something clicked.

"Do you think I'm lying to you?"

Now it was Picani's turn to look shocked and confused.

"Lying to me...? What makes you ask that?"

"Oh, I don't know… I just told you my life story, and the whole reason I'm here, and you ask about cartoons?! Like, like you're going to compare my trauma to a kid's show?"

"Er, that's not quite what I was going to say," Picani says placatingly, voice soft and soothing. Steven glares at him, but remains quiet.

"Steven, I believe you. You showed me your gem and your shield and, well, I've always believed in the supernatural. I was going to compare your life to a cartoon not because your pain is comical, trivial, or inconsequential, but because we can learn so much from the medium that I believe would help you understand some of what you're going through."

"...what do you mean?"

"Well, there's a show I watch called Crying Breakfast Friends. Have you heard of it?"

"Um, yeah."

"Good! Well then, as you know, the show is comprised of very simple and similar episodes, where characters cry over their conflicts, and then cry as those conflicts are resolved."

"Yeah, all they do on that show is sing and cry," Steven scoffs, though he smiles a little - he grew up with Crying Breakfast Friends, after all, and could probably point out better than anyone the nuances and real important of the seemingly trivial cartoon.

"Well, let's talk about that. It sounds to me like you got to where you were because you couldn't talk or vent to anyone. I would say that the characters in CBF have some of the best support systems I've seen! Everyone can talk and vent to everyone, and everyone feels safe with everyone else."

"So, I need to cry more…?"

"You need to talk about how you're feeling more. Acknowledging and monitoring how you're feeling is the first step to controlling your reaction to those feelings."

"What's the difference between controlling the reaction and controlling the feeling?"

"You can't control how you feel, Steven. If you feel a certain way, it's because you're naturally reacting to something going on in your life."

"...but I can control what I do because of that feeling," Steven brought a hand to his head and began to tap his finger on his temple. "That's the hard part, isn't it?"

"Exactly right. It'll take time and work, but the first step is to be in touch with your feelings and to understand what you're feeling and why. The characters in CBF always know why they're crying - sometimes it's tears of sorrow, other times it's tears of joy. But they always know, and knowing is half the battle."

---

"Well, Steven, it was lovely to speak with you, and I hope you come back again soon. A lot of people overlook how beneficial counseling can be! Don't be afraid to get help for your issues."

"I think I'll come back again," Steven said quietly. "I wasn't really planning on it, um, seeing how obsessed you were with cartoons. But, you made a really interesting connection between my feelings and the feelings of animated breakfast foods."

"Well, that's my job!" Picani beamed at him, and Steven could feel an overwhelming amount of pride radiating from him. "You took this first session very well. You're a good kid, Steven. Let me know when you're free for another session."

"Thanks, Dr. Picani." Steven smiled, feeling happy for the first time in awhile. "I will."

---

NOTE: I based a lot of this after my own therapy sessions but I AM NOT A THERAPIST. I can't provide real medical advice and I don't mean this fic to function as such. If you need professional help, please seek a qualified professional. Stay safe!!

#charlie writes #su #suf #steven universe #steven universe future #cartoon therapy #dr picani #emile picani #thomas sanders #ts #ts picani #su spoilers #suf spoilers #find later #UGH i hate that i cant put readmores on mobile >:((#even the [[more]] thing doesn't work anymore #long post

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diamond-punk0963 · 4 years

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RWBY/Alice In Wonderland Crossover: Mad Hatter! Ironwood AU

~Aesthetic~

"Trust can be a crazy thing to hold. Sharing it with someone can be event crazier. The craziest thing with trust is when it’s broken. That’s what ignites the path into madness."

~Outfit~

(Not Pictured: A silver pocket watch necklace that has the atlas logo on the cover. Either worn around his neck or wrapped around his hand)

~Playlist~

(Note: I’m open to suggestions if anyone finds a song that fits him!)

~Headcanons~

(Special thanks for @anirondaddystan for helping me with these headcanons. It wouldn’t be the same without you!)

The BIGGEST Tea/Coffee addict you’ll ever meet!

He’s very elegant, cunning, and eccentric.

His favorite tea is earl grey. However, he does like to spice it up when he feels like it.

As for what he uses is for him to know and you to find out. ;)

Looks like he could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll.

But at the same time, he can and will kill you if you get on his bad side.

He’s also very skilled with combat due to . . . . reasons.

He does have a popular rhyme about himself that leaves people confused about him.

However, if you listen closely and know a bit more about him, you may uncover a secret or two. ;)

When you first meet him, expect him to be cold and lifeless around you.

Due to his past, he has a hard time trusting people and letting them in.

However, there are two ways he can earn your trust.

Either A) you preform a task that convinces him that you are worthy of his trust or B) he invites you to a small tea party that ends up with you waking up, tied up on a chair and asks a couple of questions that determines wether or not, he can trust you. There’s no inbetween.

He does have a rare/uncommon gene with his eyes that it changes shades based on his emotions.

Light shade when he’s sad, a darker shade or black when he’s angry, and a bright shade when he’s happy (or when he trusts you.)

He doesn’t admit it but he does have a sweet tooth.

His favorite type of candy is basically anything with chocolate.

Don’t be surprised if any chocolate that is left around the area 'disappears'.

“I see chocolate. I eat it. End of story."

His usual routine in his day to day life consists of five things.

Wake up, Eat, Survive, Sleep, Repeat.

He would often hang around the village for more supplies for the week or possibly spy on you.

If not, he would be at his home that’s deep within the woods.

The only way you would find his home is either a) you wandered far enough into the forest that you just so happen to find a house in the middle of nowhere or b) he gives you directions to his place because of the level of trust he has in you.

Low key, James can sing and dance. He keeps the fact unknown because he doesn’t want to draw attention towards himself. That and he hates it when people bug him about it.

He doesn’t do it often anyways. It’s due to . . . . reasons he doesn’t want to talk about. It’s rare to find him doing either one. More so if it’s both!

If you find him doing either or both (and he trusts you), he’ll pretend that he doesn’t see you and keeps on at it. If he doesn’t, I highly reccomend you make a run for it.

The only time he ever sings is when he’s alone or just bored. As for dance, that would be at the rarest moment you find for him. (Once in a blue moon kind of rare.)

If I had to describe him in musical lyrics, "Sorry, not sorry about what I said. I’m just having some fun. Don’t worry, Don’t worry. Don’t lose your head! I didn’t mean to hurt anyone." That or, "Don’t be bitter. Cuz I’m fitter.”

(Kudos if anyone gets the reference)

Back into the whole 'Trust' scenario with James; The more he trusts you, the more crazier he becomes around you. It’s his way of being more comfortable.

Along with that, he gets attached to people that are deep within his trust and protective as well.

Like if he sees you hurt, you can bet anything that he would be there for you.

And if he finds out that someone hurt you (and you allow him), he’ll make sure that it will never happen again.

After that, cuddles and sweets for the day/night!

Aside from that, James is really into astronomy.

Every night that he’s alone and can’t sleep, he would go to the roof and look up at the stars.

He would count every star that he sees and comet that comes across the sky.

He also has a stargazing journal to keep track of his sightings.

He swears that he saw a shooting star, one night and will not forget it.

Onto the next headcanon (and probably the most obvious one), he does throw some tea parties. However, he doesn’t have anyone to spend tea time with due to his trust issues and him being anti social.

So most of the time, it’s just him. Alone at a table, outside of his home. He doesn’t mind the silence but it can get boring sometimes.

If he does have the urge to find someone to spend some time and tea with (or he’s just bored out of his mind), he would invite someone he could trust. The last time he invited someone he knew and didn’t trust . . . . He rather not talk about it. >_<

He may not look like but he takes tea time very seriously. Like he’s either starting tea time early or right on time, EXACTLY!

The same goes for his guest(s) If he ever invites any. He expects them to either come on time or early. Otherwise, he’ll just get annoyed and that’ll put him off his tea.

And trust me, he doesn’t like being off his tea and annoyed. However if you want to cure that, give him a riddle. He’ll be interested and occupied, if it’s good enough for his interest to be peeked.

Speaking of riddles, he does love to confuse people with his words. Their reactions brings amusement for him and he loves it when people can’t find sense in his words.

If someone were to figure out his words of nonsense, he’ll reward them with a little secret. ;)

Speaking of secrets, James knows a lot of the secrets and half-truths of his world. He knows who’s hiding what and why. How does he know? Why, the cards told him so.

He’s into tarot cards, playing deck, and zodiac signs. The reason why he does is because he likes to discover things that people would say behind closed doors. It gives him a sense of power, just by knowing alone.

Not only that, his cards can even give a glimpse of what has been and what’s to come for the people around him. It gives him a better description of who the people around him REALLY ARE than what they let on to be. Not only that, he knows bits and pieces of what will happen to them. Wether that is good or bad, he’ll let you know if he wants to.

Creating a mysterious side, he has secrets of his own. No one knows who james once was or how he came to be. He just came into town as the man he is now, one day. But if you listen closely and follow the right path, you may find a hint or two of him. Just don’t let him catch you. If he does, it was nice knowing you.

He is as mysterious as he is a trickster. He loves to trick people as much as he can confuse him. It’s one of his favorite past times besides reading and just wandering around in the forest alone.

There was this one time that he put a little something extra into a villager’s drink and since then, he’s been avoiding the village so that way he wouldn’t get attacked.

Adding more into it, he does have a set of potions that he uses for a number of reasons. One of them is pranking people.

As for what those potions can do, they make you act like stuff and basically make you go crazy for a little bit.

He uses the potions for three reasons. The first being for pranks. The second is to cheer up/confort the people that he trusts, and the third reason is a bit angsty.

There are times that he gets stressed out to a point where he just can’t take it. He takes one of the potions so that way he doesn’t deal the stress that badly. So if you find James crying like a baby with frosting all over his face, don’t be too surprised. Also, help the poor guy out.

If/when you do find him in that state (and he trusts you), give him some comfort with a hug and give him a cookie. He’ll be fine from there. Or start to be, at least.

The guy does have a hard time dealing with stress due to personal reasons. Not only that, he’s an anti-social because of personal reasons he doesn’t want to talk about. He doesn’t like to be around big crowds as well due to personal reasons.

Along with that, that’s why he lives in the forest alone. He doesn’t like to be around people due to . . . . . reasons.

The only time he ever talks to people is when he’s interested in them, seeing that they could be trusted, or he’s off to buy some things for the week.

Speaking of people that interest him, he does have a secret interest/fondness in the outsiders that drop from the world above him. More than what he lets on, tbh.

He can also tell whether or not you’re an outsider or an 'Alice' if you want to speak it in better terms. It’s all on the body movement, eye movement, and the clothing that they wear. He has a sharp eye for details.

It’s rare for an Alice to drop in but when one does fall from above, expect James to have an interest in you.

The reasoning behind his interest in alices or outsiders is because they’re not from his world. They’re different. Just like him.

When he finds an 'Alice', he usually invites them for tea and asks all sorts of questions about them. Like, who they are, where they live, what their life is like, likes, dislikes, hopes, fears, and anything else that’s an interesting fact about them.

Aside from that, James does have a liking for scented candles. He usually lights a couple at night for two reasons. One, it helps sets the mood for nighttime tea. And two, he uses the scent as a way to calm him down.

In case anyone was wondering, his favorite scented candle is blueberry. Also, if you come into his place and smell blueberries, that is why.

His perfect night-time event is having tea, outside in the stars. Especially if it’s on a summer’s night.

He would light up the table with scented candles and have some tea close to him. That plus a couple slices of cake or possibly some cupcakes nearby. He would also decorate the table with some blue and black rose petals for the aesthetic.

From there, he would just drink tea and gaze into the stars at night. That would be the best time for him to truly relax and finally feel free.

After some time, he falls asleep at the table and if he moves unconsciously, he might get some sweets on him. Like seriously, he woke up, using cake as a pillow and has no idea how he fell asleep in the first place.

Ironwood’s favorite season in wonderland is winter. He has a varity of reasons why but the two main reasons why is because the atomsphere and aesthetic of the enviroment.

Taking walks during the winter season are also a favorite thing he loves to do during the winter season. That also connects with his fondness of the winter atomsphere.

Along with that, he can not confirm or deny the fact that he may or may not like to play in the snow. He will not say anything on that matter or at the least, not publically.

That’s also the reason why he doesn’t have many tea parties during the winter season. He would rather spend the time during the winter season with his casual walks which helps him calm down in certain scenairos.

With that, he also likes the cold and crisp air that the winter weather has. Not only that, he likes it when the hot tea that he makes warms him up from the cold weather.

Back to the fact that he has a fondness for ‘outsiders’, James can tell wether a that person came into wonderland from a dream state or not. If they’re troubled from a nightmare or not, he would take them under his wing with a cup of tea for a bit.

James would give them an item that they would find when they wake up as a sign to say like, “Hey, that wasn’t a dream. Don’t worry about the problems of the past. Just know that you’re not alone. In the realm of dreams, I’ll be here for you.”

Secretly, he does take care of people in the dark. He has a huge sense of sympathy to the people that have been ‘abused by the world’.

He does this as small things such as leaving coins, food, clothing, and important items for them to use. He knows the world is a messed up and broken place. He’ll do what he can to help the lost people in the world.

This also applies for any outsiders that he finds in wonderland as well. This is mainly due to his past experiences that he doesn’t talk about. As for why, he won’t say.

He has seen the harshness in his world and from that, he would make sure that no one has to suffer anymore than what he went through.

If he were to find out that one’s suffering came from a person, he would have a ‘talk’ to that person and after that, comfort the people that were hurt by them.

He knows the light and dark of the world and he would do anything to make sure that the light will never get hurt and fall into the dark.

He may be crazy but hurt the people he trusts and you’ll regret it. He doesn’t take dark and evil people, lightly.

He does have a secret hero side to himself that only few see. When they do, it’s really a sight to behold. His weapon is two pistol guns; blue that’s laced with silver.

He always has them hidden under his jacket in case he needs then, which is pretty rare. That’s also why he doesn’t let anyone touch him. Doesn’t want to accidently shoot his foot. He had that almost happen once. He doesn’t want that to happen again.

Lastly, he’s also skilled in hand to hand combat. To the few that have seen James fight, they wonder how he became so skilled. He usually responds by saying something about the past that leaves people curious about him.

~Things James Said At Some Point~

"Why am I surrounded by idiots?”

"What day is it again?"

"Believe me when I say, you don’t want to know what goes on in my mind."

"Sh*t! It’s going to be tea time."

"Yes, I care about tea time. What’s your concern?"

"Why is my life like this?"

" . . . Do trees have emotions?"

"You must take a seat. Having tea alone can be quite a bore, sometimes.”

"The pain and misery of betrayal can leave more scars on you than you believe it can leave."

"Don’t flatter yourself, child. You’re not impressing anyone."

"Sometimes, giving trust to someone can be the bravest task anyone can do."

"I wonder if I could reach out to the stars. It would make a very good night light."

"What you see before you is just fantasy. Reality can be . . Harsher to survive and far more brutal to grow up in."

"Craziness is only bad if you think of it to be."

"As you can tell, I’m not exactly . . . . Normal, so to speak."

"Look. I know you must be scared at the moment but I can assure you, it’s for the best if you listen to me."

"What if I told you that I could tell you what happens next?"

"Do you want to hear a secret?"

"I’ll share a secret with you if you have the right price."

"If you’re looking for people that are normal, I’m afraid that you won’t find much around here."

"Everyone is crazy. Some are just better at hiding it while it becomes apart of others, one way or another."

"In a world filled with nonsense, why would you want make sense of who you are?"

"I don’t know who or what you are but you do interest me. Care for a cup of tea?"

"Child, don’t be afraid. I’ll be your light in the darkness of my world."

"Now, why would you want that?"

"The world can be a brutal place. The people that live here? They can be worse.”

“It’s your luck that my licence to cause havoc just expired.”

“Then again, when did I ever let anything stop me from stopping the filthy people like you from hurting the innocents and purity of this world?”

“The past can teach you as much it can leave scars. It all depends on how you move on from it.”

“There’s many ways to say that you’re different. People just tend to say it negatively.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with not being like everyone else.”

“My lady, can’t you see that you’re perfect? Just the way that you are. People just don’t see prefection when they see it, sometimes.”

“You have a spark that can ignite change in this world. Don’t let anyone blow it out.”

#rwby #ironwood #james ironwood #aesthetic #ironwood headcanons #james ironwood headcanons #rwby au #alice in wonderland #mad hatter #mad hatter headcanons #coping mechanism from volume 7 #mad hatter au

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cecilspeaks · 4 years

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165 - Charlie

There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are written about on Wikipedia. Welcome to Night Vale.

Charles Rainier grew up in Becket, Massachusetts, nestled in the rolling small hills of the Berkshires. The fiery fall leaves, pristine winter snowfall, lush spring flowers and sparkling summer lakes belied the average life of young Charles. He went to school, passed his classes, he spent time with friends seeing popular movies and playing popular games. His family ate food together and generally got along. When he wanted to be alone, he went to a small pond, hidden in the woods, to fish. He studied sociology at Amherst College and graduated in the top 50 percent of his class. Nothing about his unremarkable upbringing indicated he would one day be standing in the middle of a desert, behind a roadblock, holding a rifle and a flashlight, and searching for fugitives from his own asylum.

Last month, a dozen inmates of the Night Vale Asylum escaped during a production of a play. As an attendee of that play, I would say that while the escape was clearly not part of the original draft of the script, it made for an exciting resolution. I mean, bout 30 minutes in Carlos and I were like, is there going to be a car chase or a shootout or something, I mean that play was bo-o-o-orring! And then suddenly, there was both! But the warden, Charles Rainier from Becket, Massachusetts, did not like the last minute edits to the plot, as he and the Sheriff’s Secret Police have yet to round up any of the inmates now on the run, somewhere in our vast desert. Night Vale citizens have expressed deep concerns about their safety. A scathing op-ed in yesterday’s Daily Journal by Leann Hart read: “Warden Rainier should never have been in charge of such an important institution. His unchecked irresponsibility will lead us all to be killed by psychopaths, who surely hide now inside our basements, our attics, our laundry hampers, perhaps inside our own pants pockets.” The editorial continued: “They wield knives, ropes, wrenches, candlesticks, or pipes. And when we least expect it, these crazed killers will leap out at us, screaming bout eating our faces or feeding us to rodents. Or whatever other evil actions those two very funny women are always describing on “My Favorite Murrderrr”. Charles Rainier called Hart’s claims “neurotypical ableism”, saying that we become too biased from movies and TV shows that play up harmful tropes about mental illnesses. He added that none of the peoples inside were of immediate anger to any individual in Night Vale. The Night Vale chapter of the ACLU then responded, calling for in investigation into a public facility that would imprison people who had committed no criminal acts and were of no harm to society. Charles Rainier replied: “I said they wouldn’t hurt any individual. I didn’t say they were of no harm to society.”

But who were the people in the asylum? Carlos and I attended the production of the play “18713/NTSB”, partially to have a nice date night, just the two of us. But also because I was curious if I would see Amelia Anna Alfaro there. The air traffic controller has not been seen since 2012, after hearing voices from the missing flight, Delta 18713. There were rumors she was checked into the asylum. Other rumors, that she had gone off to find the missing plane, and other other rumors, that she was disappeared by a Vague yet Menacing Government Agency.

Amelia was not inside the asylum the night of the breakout. But Doug Biondi was there. He played the pilot of the missing plane in the play we saw. Doug was the impetus for this entire story, really, because it was Doug who, according to Sheriff Sam, had real information about the missing plane. Members of the National Transportation and Safety Board had also come to Night Vale to talk to Doug about what he knew, and Sheriff Sam obliged by sending those agents from Washington DC on an undercover investigation into the asylum. Yet, like Doug and the dozens of other inmates in that fearful place, they did not return.

According to to Doug Biondi’s journal, which Carlos and I found inside the asylum after the play, warden Charles Rainier developed a paradoxical logic for dealing with these inmates. He encouraged them to talk openly bout their feelings under the guise of healing them, but the more they expressed their thoughts and emotions, the more the warden used this information as proof of their insanity, and by extension, ineligibility for release. But as Doug elaborates, if inmates refused to talk, they were deemed uncooperative and of course, ineligible for release. Reading further into Doug’s journal, I realized it’s just like that novel, “Catch-22”, in that there’s a bunch of talk about airplanes. What stood out most to me, though, was the fact that every other inmate Doug mentions also talked about the missing Delta flight. Every single person in there either heard voices of the passengers, or had theories about what happened or were, in the case of NTSB agents, just open to find survivors of a missing plane. Doug railed against the collusion between the warden and the sheriff to imprison people simply because they knew something, anything, about flight 18713. “This is the last thing,” Doug wrote the day he escaped. “This nefarious conspiracy runs deep. Deeper than we can imagine. There are innocent people on a missing plane, and our government wants to destroy us for seeking the truth. Oh well. In other news, they fixed the TV in the rec room so I’m hoping to finally watch ‘Cheer’ on Netflix. Everyone says it’s super good.” Doug makes a compelling claim here, but he is wrong. About the conspiracy thing, not about “Cheer”, that show is super good.

So. Back in 2015, my devoted husband and devoted scientist Carlos, was heading a research project into a desert otherworld, a place very similar to our own. We spent almost a year apart while Carlos was in this alternate dimension performing experiments and drawing charts and pouring bubbling liquids back and forth between flasks. It was hard. We had only been dating a year when he left, but we kept in touch talking almost every day, sending each other text messages at night, like a kissy face emoji with a big red heart emoji. Or sometimes we sent racier messages, like [naughty voice] the safety goggles emoji with the police siren emoji and the first place ribbon emoji. Oh, sorry if that’s a little too graphic.

Anyway. Carlos made friends during his many months out of town, and so when he finally decided to return to Night Vale, some of those he met followed him. They came through a portal Carlos discovered in the Desert Otherworld: a one-sided door. It was difficult to find in a never-ending sandscape, but it is still there. And as Carlos said, once you know the way, you never forget it.

One of the people who came with Carlos through the portal in 2015 was Charles Rainier of Becket, Massachusetts. It was not easy for most of these new arrivals to find comfort or employment in Night Vale, but in just a few months, Charles had become friends with our new Sheriff and secured himself a job at the Night Vale Asylum. Few people looked deeply at the asylum, nor at Charles Rainier’s quick appointment as warden. Few people, in fact, looked closely at anything to do with mental disorders. It it almost as if we prefer not to see the mental illness at all. It is almost exactly like that. Well below the radar of public attention, Charles settled into his new position. And because there are no accounts of what went on in the asylum, and thus no stories of failure, it was inferred that he did a good job. But Carlos discovered something this week. In reading Doug Biondi’s journal, Doug makes passing mention of warden Rainier cautioning his inmates against listening to the voice of the pilot. The warden warns them that the pilot can control other beings with his mind. It is odd that the head of a mental health institution would patronize his patients with their own inner demons. Carlos at first thought the warden was manipulating the mental stability of his charges to stir up their fear and confusion in order to keep them there. We don’t know if the warden profited from retaining inmates or if he just felt an evil thrill from playing these games. But in Doug’s notes, the warden apparently said: “It is possible to escape the allure of the pilot. The power of his voice. Some have, but it is rare. And it is dangerous that you can hear him at all.”

Carlos remembered when he first met Charles Rainier, five years ago in the Desert Otherworld. Charles was so enthralled with Carlos’ stories of Night Vale. Charles Rainier could not wait to see this fantastic town and more importantly, to leave the terrible place in which he lived. He told Carlos that he escaped some – frightening people there. Charles Rainier said he had live in a commune for a couple of years. It began OK, they foraged and hunted their food, they helped each other and shared shelter inside the fuselage of an old plane. Everything was fine. They were alive, but soon the group became cult-like and aggressive, fashioning weapons and manufacturing enemies. The constant threat of violence toward other, towards themselves, shackled Charles’s every move. But he could not leave. Every time he tried, he heard a voice that called him back. So he trained himself to block out the voices. It took him weeks of determined practice, but finally he broke free. Carlos said to me: “Cecil, sweetie, my hypothesis is Charles Rainier was flying home from Detroit to Albany on June 15, 2012.” And I said: “What are you saying, honey-pop?” And Carlos said: “Babe, his plane blipped out of the sky and into the Desert Otherworld.” And I said: “Are you saying, kitty-cake, that Charles ws a passenger on Delta 18713?” But then Carlos aid: “You know, little piggy-pie, all this work talk is exhausting. Let’s have a glass of wine, sit out on the deck, and enjoy the nice weather.

[“Breathe” by Tanja Daub http://tanjadaub.bandcamp.com]

Listeners. I called Charlies Reinier, and I told him what Carlos and I talked about, and he confirmed what we discovered. He was indeed a passenger on 18713. They landed roughly but safely in the Desert Otherworld in June 2012. They ate their few food items and drank their water stores in two days. And soon they began spreading out to find civilization. But the desert was vast and seemingly uninhabited. They were too afraid to venture far from the plane, the only symbol of recognizable society. The pilot lead expeditions to find plant life and sources of water. He exuded calmness and clarity, and the passengers followed his example, occasionally finding peace in this unpleasant and frightening desert. Within a few months, they had developed a rhythm. They were finding food to eat, water to drink, the pilot seemed to know exactly where to hunt, exactly what to say, exactly how to behave.

Every passenger fell in line. They all had jobs to do, roles to fill, in this little commune. The fuselage kept them sheltered from the searing white days and the icy black nights. Sometimes they sang together, walked together, taught each other how to sew, how to cook, how to make tools. The passengers’ fear became comradery, which became unity, which became family. Which eventually became religiosity.

One day they were making salves from cacti, and the next they were crafting weapons. Charles hadn’t realized it at first, but every person on that plane could communicate telepathically. They could speak without talking – no, without learning. They were becoming a single organism separated into dozens of bodies. The loudest voice in their heads was the pilot. They had grown too complacent, and the pilot began to fill them once again with fear, fear of outsiders, of the rest of the world. They began to make barbaric expeditions hoping to find people or things to destroy. “I tried to escape,” Charles said to me. “I tried to escape over and over, but the voice was too strong. It was only when I thought about a little fishing hole down near Stockbridge that I would go to in summers by myself, to get away, to be alone.” Charles said he began to pantomime fishing, casting his imaginary lure on an imaginary line into and imaginary pond on hot desert sand. And when he did this, the voices quieted in his mind. He could free himself from the pilot’s voice, from the pilot’s control. I asked Charles why he and Sheriff Sam were locking away people just for knowing about the plane. He said: “Cecil, I locked up Doug Biondi before anyone else. He’s from that Otherworld, and he knows how to get back, and if he knows how to get back, he’ll join the 18713 and lead them into Night Vale.” Charles said he was protecting our little town from the threat of the passengers of Delta flight 18713. “If the pilot enlists Doug and gets into Night Vale, he’ll recruit who he can and destroy the rest.” “But why odes he communicate only through Doug? I-I mean why not Carlos or, or Dana Cardinal or Sheriff Sam themself? Why not recruit everyone who knows the way into Night Vale?” “I don’t know, Cecil,” Charles snapped back. “But I don’t will into existence by yapping about it either, so drop it!”

Listeners, Doug Biondi is about six foot tall. With an unsettlingly… long smile and dark nightmarish eyes. If you see him, contact the Sheriff’s office immediately. If you do not see Doug Biondi, then close your windows, hold your family close, and repeat a mantra that will clear your head of all outside thoughts.

Stay tuned next for a meditative oummmm. A single oummmmmm. For one full hour, uninterrupted by breath and commercial free.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

23:07 time traveler 30:32 pottery class

#welcome to night vale #welcome to night vale transcripts #episode 165 #Charlie

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