#because there's a pandemic and everything is fucked up right now so why not

[wilwheaton]

The GOP wonders why young people (and others) don't want to vote for them. Some wise scribe assembled this list.

1.) Your Reagan-era “trickle-down economics” strategy of tax breaks for billionaires that you continue to employ to this day has widened the gap between rich and poor so much that most of them will never be able to own a home, much less earn a living wage.

2.) You refuse to increase the federal minimum wage, which is still $7.25 an hour (since 2009). Even if it had just kept up with inflation, it would be $27 now. You’re forcing people of all ages but especially young people to work multiple jobs just to afford basic necessities.

3.) You fundamentally oppose and want to kill democracy; have done everything in your power to restrict access to the ballot box, particularly in areas with demographics that tend to vote Democratic (like young people and POC). You staged a fucking coup the last time you lost.

4.) You have abused your disproportionate senate control over the last three decades to pack the courts with religious extremists and idealogues, including SCOTUS—which has rolled back rights for women in ways that do nothing but kill more women and children and expand poverty.

5.) You refuse to enact common sense gun control laws to curb mass shootings like universal background checks and banning assault weapons; subjecting their entire generation to school shootings and drills that are traumatizing in and of themselves. You are owned by the NRA.

6.) You are unequivocally against combatting climate change to the extent that it’s as if you’ve made it your personal mission to ensure they inherit a planet that is beyond the point of no return in terms of remaining habitable for the human race beyond the next few generations.

7.) You oppose all programs that provide assistance to those who need it most. Your governors refused to expand Medicaid even during A PANDEMIC. You are against free school lunches, despite it being the only meal that millions of children can count on to actually receive each day

8.) You are banning books, defunding libraries, barring subject matter, and whitewashing history even more in a fascistic attempt to keep them ignorant of the systemic racism that this nation was literally founded upon and continues to this day in every action your party takes.

9.) You oppose universal healthcare and are still trying to repeal the ACA and rip healthcare from tens of millions of Americans and replace it with nothing. You are against lowering the cost of insulin and prescription drugs that millions need simply to LIVE/FUNCTION in society.

10.) You embrace white nationalists, Neo-Nazis, and other groups that are defined by their intractable racism, xenophobia, bigotry, and intolerance. You conspired with these groups on January 6th to try to overthrow the U.S. government via domestic terrorism that KILLED PEOPLE.

11.) You oppose every bill aimed at making life better for our nation’s youth; from education to extracurricular and financial/nutritional assistance programs. You say you want to “protect the children” while you elect/nominate pedophiles and attack trans youth and drag queens.

12.) You pretend to be offended by “anti-semitism” while literally supporting, electing, and speaking at events organized by Nazis. You pretend to hate “cancel culture” despite the fact that you invented it and it’s basically all you do.

13.) Every word you utter is a lie. You are the party of treason, hypocrisy, crime, and authoritarianism. You want to entrench rule by your aging minority because you know that you have nothing to offer young voters and they will never support you for all these reasons and more.

14.) You’re so hostile to even the notion of helping us overcome the mountain of debt that millions of us are forced to take on just to pay for our post K-12 education that you are suing to try to prevent a small fraction of us from getting even $10,000 in loan forgiveness.

15.) You opened the floodgates of money into politics via Citizens United; allowing our entire system of government to become a cesspool of corruption, crime, and greed. You are supposed to represent the American people whose taxes pay your salary but instead cater to rich donors.

16.) You respond to elected representatives standing in solidarity with their constituents to protest the ONGOING SLAUGHTER of children in schools via shootings by EXPELLING THEM FROM OFFICE & respond to your lack of popularity among young people by trying to raise the voting age.

17.) You impeach Democratic presidents over lying about a BJ but refuse to impeach (then vote twice to acquit) a guy whose entire “administration” was an international crime syndicate being run out of the WH who incited an insurrection to have you killed.

18.) You steal Supreme Court seats from democrats to prevent the only black POTUS we’ve ever had from appointing one and invent fake precedents that you later ignore all to take fundamental rights from Americans; and even your “legitimate” appointments consist of people like THIS (sub-thread refuting CJ Roberts criticisms of people attacking SCOTUS' legitimacy).

19.) You support mass incarceration even for innocuous offenses or execution by cop for POC while doing nothing but protect rich white criminals who engage in such things as tax fraud, money laundering, sex trafficking, rape/sexual assault, falsifying business records, etc.

20.) You are the reason we can’t pass:—Universal background checks—An assault weapons ban—The ‘For the People/Freedom to vote’ Act or John Lewis Voting Rights Act—The ERA & Equality Act—The Climate Action Now Act—The (Stopping) Violence Against Women Act—SCOTUS expansion.

21.) You do not seek office to govern, represent, or serve the American people. You seek power solely for its own sake so you can impose your narrow-minded puritanical will on others at the expense of their most fundamental rights and freedoms like voting and bodily autonomy.

22.) Ok, last one. You are trying to eliminate social security and Medicare that tens of millions of our parents rely on and paid into their entire lives. And you did everything to maximize preventable deaths from COVID leaving millions of us in mourning.

Source: https://imgur.com/gallery/e8DBZLH

[kanagenwrites]

So. Tuesday sucked.

We've all had a chance to come down from the "what the fuck" of it all, and we're starting to see the usual circular firing squad. Lots of lib centrists are doing everything they can to throw trans people, minorities, and basically anyone who isn't a finance bro under the bus, as is (very tiresome) tradition after both victories and defeats in the Democratic Party. I will be 42 years old in a few months, so this is far from the first time I've seen it, and sadly, I'm sure it won't be the last. To the lib centrists and those carrying water for them: This never works. Please stop trying it. Trans issues were not a major motivator; I'll get into that below. Sit down, kids, it's time for Auntie Kana's Fireside Dialectics.

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of my followers are significantly younger than me. (Imagine that, an audience that skews young on Tumblr.) A lot of you folks probably haven't been following politics for very long, and you've been able to participate in them for even less time than that. For some of you this is probably your first election as an adult, and it kinda feels like everything blew up in your face, doesn't it? I was about your age for 2000, when the election was nakedly stolen by George W. Bush, and not much older for 2004, when despite his disastrous presidency Bush the Younger rode a wave of 9/11-brained racism to the last popular vote victory the GOP had prior to (likely) this year. So I get it. I really do.

If you're living in the USA you have probably had a subpar education in politics and civics. This is largely by design - education is horrendously underfunded and there is a sustained attack on the ability of teachers to even discuss things like the Civil Rights Movement, the legacy of slavery in the United States, the genocide this country was founded on, and so on and so forth. Economic education isn't much better; you very likely got a short lecture on basic supply and demand and an argument-from-authority that "socialism doesn't work." All this combines to leave a lot of folks totally baffled as to how something like this election happens.

But it's pretty simple. It's just material conditions. That's it. What the media isn't telling you (because there's no profit in it, and the media is nothing but a clickbait engine when they aren't open propagandists) is that there has been a massive anti-incumbent wave of elections across the world. How massive? Japan's LDP, which has held power almost uninterrupted since the establishment of Japan's postwar democracy, managed to lose their recent election.

And why are material conditions so shitty? That's a complicated question, but a lot of it is the fact that we had a lengthy period of low inflation followed by a period of extremely high inflation due to the absolutely botched response to the Covid-19 pandemic. A bag of Doritos used to be 2.50, and now it's like 6 bucks. That's worse than all the inflation (and naked price-gouging, because there's a lot of that going on too) I experienced in my life prior to 2020, squeezed into the space of a year or two. This smacks everyone in the face every time they buy groceries, and while the government and the Federal Reserve were doing everything they could to manage inflation (and understand what a big deal it is for me, the anarcho-communist, to say that the US actually did an extremely fucking good job of doing it, because every other country on Earth had it worse than we did), they did fuck all to actually improve the material conditions people were experiencing. Wages were not keeping up with the cost of living, and price-gouging wasn't being dealt with.

Remember the 600 bucks Joe Biden still owes you? The American electorate sure the fuck does. Invisible backrooms liberal wonkery does not connect, regardless of whether it works or not, but going back on a promise? People remember that shit.

It's a rare incumbent that could win in an environment like this, especially when tied to a track record of doing exactly fucking nothing to actually help people from the perspective of the vast majority of the population. Kamala Harris was not that incumbent. She was a singularly uninspiring candidate who failed to connect with voters so thoroughly that she was on track to lose her home state in the 2020 Democratic primary. Nobody liked her (except a few very eager and very loud fans in the K-Hive), and speaking as someone who lives in California, I am not surprised she ate shit. She was a terrible choice for VP and a terrible choice of successor for Biden, but because Biden('s handlers) insisted on pretending he wasn't obviously declining before our very eyes, Harris, a singularly uninspiring candidate, had three months to build and run a campaign.

And it was still weirdly close.

Now, there's two possibilities: Either she actually ran an amazing campaign and it's incredible that it was even this close, or Trump is just so loathsome that even in a massively anti-incumbent environment he didn't bring anyone new to the table. Given that Trump is on-track to receive less votes this time than he did in 2020, and how many of those votes seem to have been cast for Trump and no one else down-ballot, I think it's more of the latter than the former. Trump brought the usual suspects, while Kamala successfully drove away voters that even Joe fucking Biden and Hillary fucking Clinton were able to bring home. Not on the left, not in minority demographics, but across the board. After all, if things are horrible and you're being promised that "nothing will fundamentally change," (literally an early-presidency quote from Joe Biden, whose agenda Kamala Harris 100% aligned herself with) and keeping in mind that the average American voter is not nearly so plugged into the minutiae and the day to day of politics (as evinced by the sudden peak in google searched for "Did Joe Biden drop out?" on Tuesday), why the fuck would you bother to vote?

Hopefully you have a better idea how we got here now. The question, of course, is where do we go from here? I will probably continue posting about this from time to time, especially if there's interest, but my advice is this:

We are still here. We will be here tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that, and so on. Plan accordingly.

Things will get fucked up. Things will always get fucked up. That is the nature of things no matter who is running the government. Plan accordingly.

Organize. Develop parallel structures of power and assistance, because the government is likely going to be even more useless to directly assist you than it already was. Our greatest strength is each other, and our ability to care for and help one another.

I have been here before. You will be here again. It always feels like it's the worst thing ever to happen. That never really goes away, but your ability to deal with it, to plan around it, to endure it, and to rise up again on the other side of it and say "No, fuck you" is entirely under your control and within your capabilities. And you will get better at it as you do it. And you are not doing it alone. None of us are.

Do not give up. Do not surrender. This isn't the end, or the beginning of the end, or even the end of the beginning: it just is.

Now go watch a video of a cat doing something cute, or read some smut, or whatever gives you joy. You can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself. That's General Order #1: Take care of yourself.

Solidarity, y'all.

[bitchesgetriches]

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Investing for Beginners

Fundamentals of investing:

What’s the REAL Rate of Return on the Stock Market?

Do NOT Make This Disastrous Beginner Mistake With Your Retirement Funds

The Dark Magic of Financial Horcruxes: How and Why to Diversify Your Assets

Dafuq Is Interest? And How Does It Work for the Forces of Darkness?

Booms, Busts, Bubbles, and Beanie Babies: How Economic Cycles Work

When Money in the Bank Is a Bad Thing: Understanding Inflation and Depreciation

Investing Deathmatch series:

Investing Deathmatch: Managed Funds vs. Index Funds 

Investing Deathmatch: Traditional IRA vs. Roth IRA 

Investing Deathmatch: Investing in the Stock Market vs. Just… Not 

Investing Deathmatch: Stocks vs. Bonds 

Investing Deathmatch: Timing the Market vs. Time IN the Market

Investing Deathmatch: Paying off Debt vs. Investing in the Stock Market 

Investing Deathmatch: What Happens in a Bull Market vs. a Bear Market 

Now that we’ve covered the basics, are you ready to invest but don’t know where to begin? We recommend starting small with micro-investing through our partner Acorns. They’ll round up your purchases to the nearest dollar and invest the change in a nicely diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, and ETFs. Easy as eating pancakes:

Start saving small with Acorns

Alternative investments:

Small Business Investing: A Kinder, Gentler Alternative to the Stock Market 

Bullshit Reasons Not to Buy a House: Refuted

Investing in Cryptocurrency is Bad and Stupid

So I Got Chickens, Part 1: Return on Investment

Twelve Reasons Senior Pets Are an Awesome Investment 

How To Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year

Understanding the stock market:

Ask the Bitches Pandemic Lightning Round: “Did Congress Really Give $1.5 Trillion to Wall Street?”

Season 3, Episode 2: “I Inherited Money. Should I Pay Off Debt, Invest It, or Blow It All on a Car?” 

Money Is Fake and GameStop Is King: What Happened When Reddit and a Meme Stock Tanked Hedge Funds

Season 3, Episode 7: “I’m Finished With the Basic Shit. What Are the Advanced Financial Steps That Only Rich People Know?”

Wait… Did I Just Lose All My Money Investing in the Stock Market?

Season 4, Episode 1: “Index Funds Include Unethical Companies. Can I Still Invest in Them, or Does That Make Me a Monster?” 

Retirement plans:

Dafuq Is a Retirement Plan and Why Do You Need One?

Procrastinating on Opening a Retirement Account? Here’s 3 Ways That’ll Fuck You Over

How to Painlessly Run the Gauntlet of a 401k Rollover

Ask the Bitches: “Can I Quit With Unvested Funds? Or Am I Walking Away From Too Much Money?”

Workplace Benefits and Other Cool Side Effects of Employment

You Need to Talk to Your Parents About Their Retirement Plan

Season 4, Episode 5: “401(k)s Aren’t Offered in My Industry. How Do I Save for Retirement if My Employer Won’t Help?” 

Got a retirement plan already? How about three or four? Have you been leaving a trail of abandoned 401(k)s behind you at every employer you quit? Did we just become best friends? Because that was literally my story until recently. Our partner Capitalize will help you quickly and painlessly get through a 401(k) rollover:

Roll over your retirement fund with Capitalize

Recessions:

Season 1, Episode 12: “Should I Believe the Fear-Mongering about Another Recession?”

There’s a Storm a’Comin’: What We Know About the Next Recession

Ask the Bitches: How Do I Prepare for a Recession?

A Brief History of the 2008 Crash and Recession: We Were All So Fucked

Ask the Bitches Pandemic Lightning Round: “Is This the Right Time To Start Investing?”

[s1k0zu]

Hey everyone,

While I was a bit (okay a lot) late to board the Austin train, once I did, I fell HARD. Before I saw him in Dune II, I knew about him, but never thought to take a second look.

Then I saw Dune and I still can't get Austin's performance out of my head. He was amazing! 😍

I've devoured everything I can find with him since then, and I've been reading a lot of fan fiction lately, and a scene has been playing on repeat in my mind, so I decided to write it down.

I love all the Feyd fics but I find myself wanting more of Austin and less of Feyd (he's just a bit too intense and I kinda miss the hair). So I came up with the idea below.

Let me know if you liked it and if you want me to try writing about something else. 🫣

Fair warning ⚠️ I've never written any fiction before, so this will probably be a mess...and it's maybe a bit too long.

🔞 It's pure smut, so minors stay away!

Under his skin

You and Austin have been together since before his Elvis movie.

You'd met when you were teenagers and became fast friends, but until you had to spend two weeks locked together in his apartment in Australia, because of the pandemic, that was all you were - friends.

You'd visited him for the weekend and then the lockdown forced you to stay.

The tension between the two of you had started escalating gradually, until one night he couldn't resist kissing you any longer. All it took was that one kiss and you were his forever.

You started getting jobs in the crew of all of his projects so you could stay together, which is why you're now in Budapest on the set of Dune II.

It's early morning and it's already as hot as hell. Add to that the giant sound box you've been setting up, so Austin can film his fight scenes in it later, and you're close to fainting.

You haven't seen Austin in two months, because he was busy training in L.A. and you were on location in Jordan with the rest of the cast.

You flew in with the night flight, dropped your bags at his place and went straight to set. He was already there, getting into costume, and you didn't have the time to see him.

Once you're done setting up and finally have some free time you head to his trailer to surprise him and wish him luck.

You open the door and cool air hits your face. Then you see him and you're sure the chill running down your body isn't from the AC.

He's gloriously naked, a black loincloth is all that covers his body. They've painted his torso with black lines and he's got his bald cap already in place. You've seen him in full costume before, but only in photos. This hits differently.

There's something feral and imposing about him and it's doing things to you. Gone is the sweet, gentle Austin you know and in his place is a man who exudes power and dominance.

His body is pure perfection and you know how hard he worked to get here.

"Hey, Earth to y/n. Are you ok?" Austin's voice comes through the fog.

"Yeah", you sigh, "It's just..."

"What?", he asks, a sly smirk forming on his lips.

"Let's just say if you weren't about to shoot, I'd be ruining your makeup right now", you say, raking your gaze over his gorgeous naked body.

"Fuck", he mutters and steps toward you, biting his lower lip, his eyes darkening with want.

"Ah, ah", you stop him, placing a hand on his chest, "makeup."

"Damn you woman! How am I supposed to focus now?", he asks brushing a stray hair behind your ear.

"Hey, I'm not the one wearing next to nothing here," you tell him, "and you're not the only one having a hard time focusing."

You brush your lips against his and his hands instantly grip your face as he deepens the kiss. All the frustration of not being able to touch each other for the past two months melts as your tongues dance frantically, fighting for dominance.

"I'll make you a deal," you say, panting, "you go slay them with your talent and we can come back here during the lunch break, to finish this."

"Deal", he says huskily in your ear, melting you with his beautiful voice.

A crew member comes in to call him to set and breaks the tension before you two can go any further.

You watch him perform, always in awe of his ability to switch between himself and the character in seconds. You busy yourself with work and bringing him water bottles and towels between takes, and just like that the hours go by and it's time for lunch.

"I can't wait to take this thing off my head. I'm sweating like a pig," Austin says, taking a towel from your hands. He's been doing fighting scenes for the past hour and he's in full combat get up.

"I'll stick around to help with the set. Text me when you're done and we can take a shower," you say, walking your fingers playfully up his chest. You lean up to give him a quick kiss but he grabs your waist to keep you there, turning it into a steamy makeout session.

"I've missed you so much," Austin breathes out, his forehead touching yours.

"I've missed you too," you say, tilting his head lower to kiss his nose.

You disengage and he heads to his trailer so the makeup team can remove his bold cap.

A while later you get a text from Austin:

R u coming? We had a deal remember?

You mutter an excuse and head towards his trailer, willing yourself not to run.

#

When you enter, you see him running a hand through his wet hair, the bald cap gone. He still hasn't removed his costume.

"Want some help with that my lord", you ask, starting to unzip the back of his wetsuit.

When he hears you call him that Austin feels a shiver run down his body. He turns and wraps his arms around you.

"Say that again," he growls.

His eyes are dark with desire and you swear you can see Feyd still lurking in the background, ready to pounce.

"You should play the bad guy more often. It's a good look on you...my lord."

"Yeah? Wanna show me just how much you like it?"

You grip his neck, fingers tangled in his hair, and kiss him long and hard, your tongues fighting for dominance. You bite his lip when he pulls away and the groan that escapes from his throat sets your whole body on fire.

He returns the favour by placing kisses on your jaw and down your neck. When he reaches your collarbone he gives it a bite in just the right spot, making heat pool between your legs.

You lean into him, feeling his erection against you and bite his earlobe, whispering into his ear: "I want you inside me."

Austin's hands tighten on your ass and he gives you a smouldering look. His blue eyes are dark with desire as he dives in to kiss you again.

You start undressing each other frantically, hands running all over, tongues locked in a dizzying dance. The room fills with the sounds of heavy breathing, your moans, Austin's groans and wet kisses.

He grabs you by the hand and pulls you into the shower.

You're both panting while he turns around to fidget with the water tap. You admire his naked body while he adjusts the temperature. He's a work of art - all lean muscle chiselled to perfection.

Your eyes travel down his chest to the trail of hair under his belly button and between his thighs and the sizeable erection he's got. His penis is perfect: a round red tip, its length marbled by veins. You can't wait to taste it and feel it inside you.

You can't believe he's yours.

"My eyes are up here, gorgeous", Austin's amused voice brings you out of your dazed wet dream.

"And what a sight they are," you smile up at him.

After seeing you standing gloriously naked before him, raking your lust-filled stare over his body, Austin can't hold himself back any longer.

His hands come up to grab your face and he bends down to devour you. As the kiss deepens, Austin's hands travel down your body, lingering on your breasts. He pinches one of your nipples and you moan into his mouth.

He breaks the kiss to look at you.

Before you can answer he bends down and licks your neck, slowly descending to your left nipple.

"Fuck you're gorgeous. I can't wait to be inside you."

You start kissing his neck, his chest, his abs, your hands trailing down to his hips. His skin tastes salty from the sweat. You kneel in front of him and lick his length slowly, feeling the veins with your tongue. He lets out a groan and braces himself against the tiled wall.

You place tiny nibbles on the head, squeezing his balls, teasing him. He shudders in ecstasy as you swallow as much of his length as you can and start moving your head up and down slowly.

"Fuck, y/n, you have to stop or I'll come...," Austin pants on top of you. You speed up your pace, locking eyes with him.

Seeing you kneeling before him, your mouth on him, looking at him like that drives him over the edge. Austin comes with a groan and you feel his seed spill into your throat. You take him out of your mouth and give the head a little kiss.

"You taste so fucking good every time," you say standing up.

Austin grabs your cheeks and gives you a rough kiss.

"You have no idea how hot you look on your knees, do you?"

When one of his hands sneaks between your legs and he rubs his fingers on your clit you feel a jolt run over your whole body and you can't stop the moan coming out of your mouth.

Austin hears you moan, hands digging into his back and throws caution away - he bites down hard on your nipple, sliding his fingers into you.

"Fuck Austin", is all you can say, your mind going blank with pleasure. You don't know what's gotten into him, but you love this new, dangerous and dominant side he's showing you.

Austin places wet kisses and nibbles all over your breasts and stomach, pumping his fingers into you. You writhe in his arms, hands tugging his hair.

When his mouth descends on your clit you moan loudly. He bites it and then licks the sore spot, curling his fingers inside you. This sends jolts of electricity all over your body and you feel yourself coming, nails digging into his hair.

"Tell me what you want me to do to you," he says, voice hoarse from lust. You can feel his hard length pressing against your entrance.

Austin groans in pleasure when he hears you moan his name, the pain from your nails digging into his scalp sending bolts of pleasure straight to his groin.

He gets up, grabs your hips and lifts you, your back against the tiled wall.

You look at his soft, puffy lips and can't help kissing him again. Austin groans and slips his tongue into your mouth, making you dizzy.

When he finally breaks the kiss to look at you, you see the passion burning in his eyes, but there's something else there too - something feral. You realise he hasn't shaken Feyd off completely.

That sparks something in you, emboldens you.

"Have your way with me, my lord na-Baron. I'm all yours", you say, threading your fingers through his hair and pulling on it, your hips bucking into him.

Hearing you say that, something in Austin snaps. He can't think anymore, all he knows is that he wants to be inside you, now.

With a quiet growl he bends down to crash his lips into yours, sliding into you in one swift move.

You can't help the cry that comes out of your mouth when he slams into you. You were already wet, but he's big.

The sharp pain quickly turns into intense pleasure as he starts thrusting into you with abandon. You can feel every vein on his hard length as he's stretching you and filling you in the best way.

You've been together for years and every time he enters you feels like the first time. It's like your bodies are pieces of the same puzzle. The feel of him inside you is divine.

Austin doesn't wait for you to adjust to his size, he couldn't even if he wanted to. He's possessed by the desire to be inside you, to own you. He picks up his pace, slamming into you, his teeth leaving red marks all over your neck and shoulders. His left hand is moulded to your thigh, his right squeezing your breast.

You've never seen him like this, so forceful and primal, and you realise you love it. As the pain shoots through the pleasure you find yourself coming, trying not to scream. You mould your lips to Austin's to stifle your moans and that just spurs him on. He continues to slam into you, balls-deep, throughout your climax.

After a while, Austin comes to his senses and realises he's too rough, he's hurting you. Just as he slows down his pace, releasing you from his grip, he hears you say:

"No, don't hold back. I want you to lose control. Ravage me."

He looks into your eyes, making sure he didn't just imagine that, and sees only carnal desire and love there. He can't believe you're his.

"Fuck, I love you," he whispers.

You smile and bite his neck hard. The little control he'd managed to take back shatters. Austin slips out of you so he can turn you around, your back towards him, and slams back into you.

One of his hands travels to your neck and squeezes, the other goes to your nipple.

This angle helps him sink even deeper inside you. The sensation is almost too much and you feel the waves of another orgasm coming. Sex with Austin is always great but this is different. He's lost all control and given in to his desire, and you fucking love it.

Austin feels your walls clenching around him and he knows you're close. The hand around your throat tightens as he moves his other hand from your breast to your clit, running his fingers in agonisingly slow circles, and right before you come he inserts two fingers in.

The feeling of his fingers and his hard length inside you is too much and you trip over the edge, your whole body shaking. You claw at his neck and bury your fingers into his hair as he swallows your moans with a kiss when you both come.

You've never seen this side of him before. He's always so protective of you, so gentle. You realise he's been holding himself back, afraid to lose control and hurt you.

He looks at you apprehensively and you smile at him, tugging him close so you can wrap your hands around his neck and give him a slow, tender kiss.

For a while the only sounds in the shower are the running water and your heavy breathing as you're both coming down from your highs.

Eventually, Austin lets you go and eases out of you with a groan. Your legs are shaking as you lean onto the tile wall while he turns around to adjust the showerhead.

He melts into you, relieved you're okay.

You disengage and proceed with your shower, washing each other's hair and bodies, placing soft kisses here and there.

When you're done, Austin stops the water. He swaddles you in a huge fluffy towel, picks you up and carries you to the bed.

He lies next to you on his side, head propped up, facing you, tiny droplets of water running down his face and torso.

"I'm sorry", he says quietly, giving you a sad puppy look and caressing your face.

"For what? Giving me multiple orgasms?"

"No..." he laughs and then falls silent.

"I hurt you. I don't know what came over me."

"Not what, who. You've still got some of Feyd lurking in the background," you say a soft smile playing on your lips.

"That's not an excuse y/n. I should've stopped...I should've..." he trails off, looking remorseful.

"I don't know if you noticed Butler but I liked it. A lot", you lift his head so he can look at you.

"I'm not made of china you know. Promise me you'll stop holding back on me. This was fucking amazing."

"Yeah it was, wasn't it," he says, finally relaxing, "Okay, but on one condition: you promise to tell me if I cross the line."

"Deal," you say and mould your lips over his.

[max1461]

Yeah I just. Help me out with this. I guess a big part of what meant by that "I'm afraid I'm already dead" post is like... I have this feeling that the last few years have waged this multi-pronged assault on my whole... everything. Like my sense of identity and my values and stuff. Just like, it's hard to explain. But I feel like there's been no aspect of myself or my life that I haven't had to defend since 2020, defend from... often totally causally-disconnected seeming onslaughts.

And like, what confuses me so much about this is I never felt this way before. Like, I always felt basically confident, you know, yeah sometimes something doesn't go right here or there but I never felt like the world was sort of... coming at me. So I really struggle to understand this sudden shift. I struggle to understand why it's like this now.

And I feel really like I just can't live this way. Uh. At some level life should be good, you know, and if it's not good you should be able to pinpoint some cause or explanation. "Well, I would be fine if it weren't for X". Like I know people talk about "no, everybody wants that but it's not that simple, blah blah", except like, that doesn't line up with my experience. As I've said before, I'm not depressed or pessimistic dispositionally. Before 2020 things really did feel, you know, basically ok. There were challenges of course, because that's always true of life, but they all felt surmountable. It's hard to articulate the difference. Things just didn't feel so... dire as they feel to me now. I never expected my own life to feel dire.

And, materially, not a whole lot is different for me! Some things are different, and yeah, that's part of it, but like.

I don't know. Like I said, it just feels like there's nothing I can turn to that's safe, nothing that I value about myself or my life that feels not-under-threat. And I just don't understand. Is it me? I mean, some of it is definitely psychological, while other parts are concrete things I can pinpoint in the external world. But even the psychological stuff is like... my experience has always been that my psychological state is in large part of function of my circumstances. But I don't know which circumstances are causing which psychological disruptions!

Uh.

I just feel like. What is the thing? What is the thing that I need to be looking into, trying to remedy, in order to reverse this massive sea-change in my felt experience of the world? Why does everything feel so dire and precarious now, when never in my life had I felt that way before a few years ago?

One thing I can say is that it's not world events. Uh. I don't really get emotionally effected by that kind of thing, and if I start to I just close the news website or whatever. It is certainly something immediate to my personal life. Not necessarily causally divorced from larger events (I mean, obviously the year of isolation due to the pandemic is a central factor in all this), but just like. I just want to, uh, know what the fuck to even try to do. I feel so shit.

[dreamings-free]

It's not just the Black Keys. Why are so many big tours selling poorly? Stereogum | June 11, 2024 | by Zach Schonfeld

long (and US focused) but still quite interesting article on the current state of concert touring, why tours are getting cancelled or downsized, and what's up with ticket pricing. (my selected excerpts/highlights under the cut)

[excerpt, all highlights mine]

[Eric Renner Brown, a senior editor at Billboard] adds, “I do think [The Black Keys] are an artist that can fill those rooms still. I think the demand is there in terms of people who want to see Black Keys. But perhaps at that price point, the demand was not there.”

Ostensibly, agents and promoters should have access to data that can give them a better sense of demand. But they often place outsized importance on raw streaming numbers.

“The data is very confusing,” says the anonymous booking agent. “There’s a lot of passive listeners for data. You can have millions upon millions of streams, but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna turn into tickets. The opposite is, there are some artists who don’t have many streams at all and they can sell like 2,000, 3,000 tickets.”

[..]

It’s worth noting that the Black Keys have released four albums since returning from hiatus in 2019, and toured arenas as recently as 2022. This may be a case of oversaturating the market.

The band’s 2019 and 2022 arena runs weren’t exactly sold out. In between, the band left their longtime manager in 2021, signing with Irving Azoff and Steve Moir at Full Stop Management. Some sources speculate that Azoff, a former CEO of Ticketmaster, may have encouraged ambitious touring plans. On Thursday, Billboard reported that the group has now parted ways with Azoff and Moir. (The management company did not respond to a request for comment.)

“Essentially, you have some very big managers that are out of touch with the granular finesse and nuance of ticketing,” says another anonymous booking agent. “And they have these large expectations and they tell their agents what they want. And the agents are probably texting each other on the side, going, ‘This man is out of his fucking mind.’ But they do it anyway because, in the case of Black Keys, they’re not gonna challenge Irving Azoff.”

[..]

One contributing factor to instability in the touring industry is the rising cost of… well, everything. It’s part of why ticket prices are so high; it’s also part of the reason some acts are backing out of touring commitments.

Bands at all levels have been sounding the alarm about this for years. In 2022, for instance, Animal Collective canceled European tour dates and explained, “We simply could not make a budget for this tour that did not lose money even if everything went as well as it could.”

Industry insiders say that’s not uncommon. “Everything is ridiculously expensive,” says a tour manager who works with major acts and asked not to be named. “There’s not enough gear for everyone to share, so the vendors are having to pay high amounts for equipment. A single bus for a six-week tour can cost $100,000. Multiple that by multiple buses, and then trucks, and then crews are at a minimum, so they’re getting top rate right now because there’s not enough crews.”

COVID, of course, exacerbated this crunch. “What happened after the pandemic is, everyone was ready to tour at once,” the tour manager says. “There’s not enough gear to cover all of that. A lot of bands have had to cancel tours because they don’t have gear or they couldn’t afford the gear,” the tour manager continued. “I was on a tour with somebody last year where we had to book a private jet because there were no buses available. For the first week of the tour, we had to charter planes.”

Acts are thus incentivized to book bigger venues to recoup the costs of touring. The catch-22 is that bigger venues necessitate more elaborate stage production, which makes for a more expensive tour.

“There’s the expectation to have that production,” says the tour manager. “If people went back to having just two trusses of lights and a P.A. and no frills, it was just about the music, they can afford to tour. But everyone wants to see those flashing lights. Everyone wants to see that video.”

“So much of the economics of these big tours is completely invisible to fans and consumers,” says Kevin Erickson, director of Future of Music Coalition, a nonprofit advocacy group. “You can sell out a tour and come back in the red if there was a cost overrun or a miscalculation.”

For mid-level acts with sizable followings, these frustrations are compounded by a lack of suitable mid-sized venues.

“For a band that maybe has assessed its demand in the market to be in the 8K range or something for capacity, where are they going to go if that sort of venue doesn’t exist?” says Brown. “And if, say, the local theater that seats 3K or 4K can’t accommodate two or three nights, it can only put them for one night on the tour routing. That’s a real concern.”

[..]

At the end of the day, it all comes back to price. The average ticket price for one of the top 100 tours rose from $91.86 to $122.84 between 2019 and 2023. Concerts are too damn expensive, and there’s a growing sense of consumer frustration with shows that cost as much as airline tickets.

-> read the full article here on Stereogum.com

[menfenced]

I've seen a lot of posts in the last 24 hours about why Kamala lost and I feel like most of them are failing to actually look at reasons voters are giving. Instead, they're putting forward what they personally didn't like about Kamala's campaign. But here's the thing to remember... You didn't like that thing about Kamala's campaign. You still voted for her. There's something else going on.

Because people didn't just vote against Kamala. They voted FOR Trump, and early polling results are showing they did it across the board in almost every demographic.

I've seen the calls for investigations into voter fraud and voter suppression because "this doesn't just happen!" and I agree with one thing. This doesn't "just" happen. There's a reason and democrats aren't listening. Because it's not just a handful of counties that got hacked or had crazy people trying to stop votes or didn't get all of their ballots counted. That's not to say that none of that stuff happened, of course. There may have been serious issues in some counties. But across the board, in nearly every state and every county, even if he didn't outright win, Trump made gains. The only two states where he didn't make gains: Washington State and Utah.

If that's due to voter fraud or hacked elections, it would have to be on a scale unlike anything we have ever seen before and honestly, we don't have any evidence of that right now.

So what happened? What do we know?

We know that since the pandemic and since the record inflation that caused, incumbent leaders all over the world have been losing elections at higher rates than usual. That crosses all political persuasions and again, has been seen across the globe.

Based on polling prior to the election, which remained fairly consistent throughout the election run, 3/4 US voters think the country is on the wrong track and 2/3 are unhappy with the economy.

Biden's approval rating when this election started was 40-41%

This is all a recipe for an incumbent losing, which to be frank, most people still saw Kamala as, even though she was running instead of Biden.

In addition to all of that, let's look at what the exit polls showed.

Kamala's approval rating in the exit polls was 48.5%

Donald Trump's approval ratings in the exit polls was 44.54%

And I know he wasn't running, but just for context Biden's approval ratings were 40%

When asked if Harris's views were too extreme, 46% said yes, 51% said no.

When asked if Trump's views were too extreme, 55% said yes, 43% said no.

So how did he win?

People like him less and think he's more extreme. Why did they vote for him?

Well, let's look at some other polling data.

45% of voters said that their family's personal financial situation was worse off than it was four years ago.

Only 25% said their financial situation was better than it was 4 years ago.

75% of people polled said that in the last year, inflation has caused them either severe or moderate hardship.

When asked who can bring needed change, 73% of voters said Trump and only 25% said Harris.

What that means is that a majority of American's don't like Trump. They don't think he's a good person. They think he's too extreme. And yet they still voted for him because the issue that was most important in this election was the economy.

Will Trump be better for the economy?

No.

But there's a perception that the current administration did not do everything they could have to fix it and people were willing to roll the dice on someone different.

Maybe we could have done more. Kamala only had 110 days to make her case and no matter what she said, the fact remained that she is the sitting VP. Maybe there was no way for her to escape the incumbent/status quo perception.

I hope we can learn something from the behavior of the American electorate this year, and I really hope Trump doesn't fuck things up too bad before we get another chance to step in, because the Republican Party is learning things too. They're learning that they can be as extreme as they want, but if they can make people believe the economy will work better under their leadership, even if it's not true, they'll still get votes.

[aeligsido]

practice date

(so I got his idea and had to like, write it a bit. I may end up reworking it a bit and posting it on ao3 later if I feel like it. No particular two — just Remus being oblivious and Sirius, for once, missing the writing on the wall lmao.)

-

It all started because of fucking Frank Longbottom. He didn't know how or why, but Frank took Remus out on a date once during their fourth year — right before Frank and Alice started dating, too — and after that, Remus somehow became the most eligible person in all of Hogwarts. Even Slytherins ended up victims of this pandemic.

It pissed Sirius off. Remus was a kind person, sure, and adorable and pretty and smart and gentle and with a humor to die for and so much more mischievous than at first glance and definitely more than date worthy; but for some reason, those people only ever took him out once and then broke it off immediately after. They even started dating other people after! Properly dating, even, not just a trip to Hogsmeade followed by a goodbye-see-you-never, like they did to Remus. It wasn't fair. Remus deserved better than that — he deserved to be taken care of, to have someone to hold his hand and go to the bookstore with him and buy him his favorite apple pie. Not... that.

(Sirius could be this person for Remus.)

Last time, he went with Mary — again, because she was the exception to the rule and often went out with him without deeming him worthy to give him the title of boyfriend. Well. Five times. Five times was a lot! But, last time — last time they went to Madam Puddifoot together once more, but were back laughing at the Three Broomsticks pretty soon in the day, joining them for the rest of the trip. When they separated in the common room, Mary had kissed his cheek and thanked him with a sweet smile, but yet again nothing came out of it.

Sirius was pretty angry at her — at all of them, really. Why did they all feel necessary to play with Remus' heart like that?

He was sitting on his bed, now, on the eve of a new Hogsmead's weekend, angrily wondering who was taking Moony out this time — and perhaps who will be the next target of his pranks. James was going in and out of the bathroom, apparently doing a skincare routine (or something of the like) that managed to take longer than his usual morning routine. Peter was sitting on his bed as well, books open before him, taking notes probably for some homework. Remus was putting on the good shirt he usually wears for his dates.

"So," he started, gripping his pillow tightly. "Going out again, Moony?"

"Hm?" Remus raised his head to address him with a smile. "Yeah, I think it'll be fun."

He was always saying that.

"Who you're going with?"

"Me!" cheered James from the bathroom door.

Sirius blinked. Because, he couldn't have heard that — right? James — his best friend, the other half of his soul — could not do that to him, to Remus?

Peter looked up, suddenly more interested.

Remus smiled indulgently. "Hence the it's going to be fun, you know?"

"But—" Sirius didn't have the time to formulate everything in him — the pit in his stomach and in his heart and the bubbling, ugly feelings taking a hold on his throat — that Moony was already interrupting him.

"Don't worry, Pads. I'll send him back to you at five o'clock sharp." He winked, then, as if it was Sirius' concern at the moment.

"I've been told Moony's the best at it," continued James, apparently ignoring the chaos choking Sirius up. "Our boy comes highly recommended!" He blew up a kiss in Remus' direction, who just shook his head fondly.

"Recommended?" Sirius finally croaked out, trying to make sense of the whole thing.

James properly got out of the bathroom, then, taking a look at him with concern on his face. "You know? For the practice date? Before my real date with Lily next week?" His expression turned dreamy for a moment. "I can't believe I have a date with her," he sighed happily.

Shuffling closer to them, Remus lowered his voice. "I have a practice date with Lily after James. She was pretty anxious when she asked me." He smiled, then, again, as if nothing could make him happier than being a practice date.

Was that what he had been doing this whole time? Giving people practice dates?

Sirius frowned. Remus having so many one-time dates didn't sit well with him, but having so many practice dates didn't seem really fair either.

"How many were real?"

"How many what were real?" asked Remus, confused.

"You know, the dates."

Remus let out a short, surprised laugh. Sirius pursued his lips, unamused, and Remus calmed down at his unusual gravity.

"None? It's not like anyone would want to really date me, anyway." He gestured to himself, as if it was explanation enough — which it wasn't, Sirius wanted to date this whole... Remusness, thank you very much. Remus was amazing, why wouldn't people want to date him?

Sirius couldn't answer — it didn't know if he could actually say anything to that. Remus got distracted by James, anyway, and soon they were leaving them behind for their practice date.

Sirius put his face into his pillow and let out an angry yell.

From his bed, Peter turned a page of his book, utterly unbothered but still a cheeky bastard. The clear amusement in his next words was proof enough of it.

"So, do you want me to be your practice date for when Moony'll realize you're trying to ask him out, or you'll take Prongs?"

Sirius threw the pillow at him.

[eternal-love]

Austin and Me

“Baby?”

“Wife to the ‘king’. Icon to the world. Destined for more.”

Summary: At 18 years old, she fell in love with Austin, at 20 years old, she became his wife, by 22, she was his doll. In which Cynthia’s life changed drastically after falling head over heels with a man that promised her the moon and the stars. She takes us down the memory lane of what could’ve been— the perfect marriage.

Inspired by the book: Elvis and Me by Priscilla Presley.

I do not condemn any of the portrayals I decide to do about certain people, it’s just fanfiction. And it would be divided in parts.

English isn’t my first language so I’m trying my best!

MASTERLIST.

As filming started again, I saw him way less than before and that only put a strain in our relationship. Everyday I dreaded the fact that I wasn’t filming anything right now, I wanted to act, I wanted to be able to work on my craft, but I just couldn’t. I had only myself to blame, I was the one who decided to come to Australia with him, to put my career at hold.

I stayed back at home, taking care of Lori and trying to be the best mother at least, I’d call my agent whenever I could, trying to see if he could get me something to act in, even if it was just a minor role, anything.

I started to notice Austin being a bit more distracted, he was coming home late after filming, but not the normal kind of late. Tom Hanks lived a floor above us and he came at a certain hour and Austin came back usually almost three hours later.

I finally found something, some love notes. I was snooping through his jackets and pockets because it was laundry day, and I found it. I didn’t want to be nosy but I ended up being, and I regret it.

‘I can’t wait to see you again, I miss you already, baby. XOXO, Livia’

I wanted to die, I didn’t even understand half of the emotions I was feeling. I felt mad, sad, confused, irritated, jealous. Why? Why did he so this— Livia. Olivia Dejonge, his co-star, the girl playing Priscilla. I had a small battle with myself, should I confront him or should I not?

I slowly walked towards his office where he was just chilling out, drawing on a notebook while he was on a phone call with his agent.

“I don’t even want to go straight to another project in the first place…” As he saw me enter the office he ended the call, a sigh of annoyance escaped his lips. “Now don’t go on imagining things.”

“Like Olivia?” I asked, he was almost cynical as he stayed silent and got up from his desk. “Livia? Baby?” I said, the thought of him calling her baby and then calling me baby made me feel disgusted.

“I said it, woman. I don’t want to hear no more.” He walked past me but I wasn’t going to let him get away with this. I started following him towards the bedroom.

“Well tell me now, is there something you’re hiding from me? That you don’t want me to know?” I followed him, as he walked he turned to look at me and raised his voice.

“I have nothing to hide from you, you’re just being to aggressive and demanding. Like a jealous psychopath!” He yelled at me, completely making me feel as if I was overreacting.

“I’m not a psychopath!” I tried to defend myself, little did I know that Austin was actually great at gaslighting.

“You know? I think you should get a little time off and stay at another place.” He said as he went on a full temper tantrum and tossed one of my suitcases on the floor, throwing anything that I owned inside of it. He felt guilty or I made him feel guilty enough for him to start acting this way, he could’ve apologized like a normal human being would but no, he decided to start acting like a man-child. Look, I know I wasn’t the perfect woman but my goodness, it was in me to help him and to just be repaid with this? There a fucking pandemic going in the world and he was threatening me, his wife, his rock, the mother of his daughter, to basically fuck off on my own?

I got down on my knees and started placing everything in the suitcase, sobbing and flinching whenever he threw my clothes directly at me or at the suitcase. He stopped yelling and I could only hear my sobs and his heavy breathing as he iced around, apparently he calmed down, he kneeled by my side and grabbed my arms softly.

“You understand?” I looked at him, my eyes filled with tears. “Calm down baby, come on, come on.” He helped me get up and sat be on the edge of the bed with him, his arm around my shoulders and his other hand caressing my chin. “You see, baby? You need someone to keep you on check and put you in your place.” He whispered and I hugged him tightly, I knew I was stupid but I knew he was also stressed so I tried to justify it, a whole damn much. Feeling humiliated I could only sob on his shoulder, I was relieved to be back in his arms but all of this had to happen for him to finally hold me and kiss me again?

He seriously could’ve told me that the moon was made of cheese and I would have believed him in that very moment. He could break me, step or spit on me and I would have still come back to him when I was finally fine.

That same night I stayed up all night, looking at the beach from the balcony, I felt so— lonely. Truly, he was here but at the same time he wasn’t, so close yet so far away. The incident was never mentioned again, but he made sure of making me feel guilty every now and then. Like whenever he was talking with his best-friend, Ashley and I walked past him he’d say.

“No, I’m telling ya. I’m feeling depressed.” And when he noticed me walking past him, holding Lori and smiling at him, he’d give me a side-eye and tell her. “No, I feel like nobody understands me.” And he made sure I heard him.

And it really hurt me because I tried to help him but he’d shut himself out, not letting me in to help him, comfort him, talk to him and then he’d go around telling his friends and agents how depressed he felt and how nobody around him tried to help him.

I just wished he’d trust me more, I wished he went back to who he was. But little did I know that this was just a small taste of what our marriage would become.

Man, I wish I could hug Cynthia.

[writting-stuff-sometimes]

Christmas time - Charles x fem reader

Summary: You return home for Christmas and fin yourself spending it with and old lover and his family.

Warnings: None, just fluff and some angst.

AN: From the topic, you might know since when I've been working on this but I finally decided to finish it, I was going to wait till Christmas to publish it but what the heck. As you can see I have a thing for exes, writing here it's cheaper than therapy. As always feedback it's appreciated, accepting requests, and let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list.

Christmas had always been a confusing time for you, you thought of it as too cheese but at the same time you could spend a whole weekend just watching and crying over Christmas movies, so now that you were coming back home for the holidays after being away for so long, it felt as if you were in one of them.

You had been living in the US for 5 years, and like in all those stupid chick flicks, you had moved to the other side of the world because you wanted to escape your life after a painful breakup and the US was far enough from everyone you knew, and a certain sport your ex was part of. You were supposed to be studying there for 2 years but then the pandemic hit and you got stuck, you found a job that started as a part time but eventually became full time.

"Mom, are you serious? isn't Christmas a holiday you're supposed to spend with family?" you said as you struggle to wrap a present.

"What are you talking about? The Leclerc's are family! Don't you remember how many vacations we've spend together? the summers at the lake and winters up in the cabin? You, Lorenzo and Charles in your onesies playing in the snow as baby Arthur followed all of you around?"

Now you were kind of getting why you felt how you felt about christmas, your mom was in love with the holiday and it was cute but exhausting at the same time.

"Have you talk to them? I heard they went to the US a couple of times this year" In her defense, she had no idea you and Charles had been dating for a few months, actually as far as you knew only your best friend and Lorenzo knew about it after they found you making out in his kitchen one night after a party.

"No, we lost track of each other after I moved" you lied and returned to your wrapping task, actually Charles did try reaching out to you when he found out you moved and again when he went to race there, but you had all rights to ignore his calls and messages, the day you broke up he had been an ass.

_____________

The fight started when you confronted him about some pictures of him at a nightclub in Austria, you had no problem with him having fun after a stressful weekend, the girl grinding her ass against his body, his hand on her waist and the fact that it wasn't the first time this had happened, was the problem.

"It was a fan, I didn't want to be rude", Clearly this superstar status had gone to his head. "They don't know I have a girlfriend! You want me to be rude?"

"And who decided we shouldn't tell anyone?"

"You know why I don't want them to..."

"Yeah, yeah protecting our privacy, I would buy that story if you weren't going around the fucking world letting girls grind against you every five fucking minutes!"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, I won't change my mind about it" The defiant look on his face told you everything you needed to know and now it was your turn to make a decision.

"Don't worry, you don't have to lie to your fans anymore" You stormed out of his room, that was the last time you spoke to each other.

You cried for weeks, you actually loved him but seeing pictures of him with a different girl at parties and nightclubs after every race weekend was just too painful. It only took you a couple of weeks to realize that staying in Monaco was a bad idea, his face and name were all over the place. One day, like a miracle fallen from the sky, one of your teachers told you about a scholarship to study in the US, you didn't think it twice and applied, and two months later you were boarding a plane to New York.

A couple of days after you arrived to the US, Charles tried every posible way of getting in touch with you, but you sticked to your decision and ignored all his messages.

You couldn't actually say you had fallen out of love, the good moments had been amazing and those you would cherish forever. _______

"I don't have anything to wear tho" it was a lame excuse but you really wanted to escape the awkward christmas weekend your mom had planned.

"Oh, don't worry about it, I bought you a cute dress, it's in your closet!"

You finished loading the van with the tons of things your mom wanted to take for the weekend-long stay at the Lecrerc's cabin and finally went upstairs to deal with the stress of seeing your ex, you threw yourself on your childhood bed and closed your eyes.

"Hi sweety, can I come in?" Your dad knocked on your door.

"Dad! Of course" You rushed to hug him

"I missed you so much" he said as he kissed your head.

"Miss you too"

"You need to come more often" he brushed your hair like he used to when you were little.

"I know, I wish I could"

"Honey, don't forget to try on the dress" Your mom yelled from downstairs and you sight in exhaustion, you loved your mom but spending the holidays with your ex and his family wasn't on your list for a great christmas.

"I know, but Pascale has been really nice to your mom now that you've been away, you know how much she misses you"

"I was expecting to be just with you guys"

"C'mon sweety, this will be fun. Aren't you excited to see a certain Leclerc?" a mischievous smile on your dad's face made your heart fall to your feet.

"What are you talking about?" you almost choked on your own saliva.

"Darling, we all knew about your crush on Lorenzo, it was endearing" you unclenched your jaw when you heard Lorenzo's name. Your dad wasn't wrong tho when you were like 5 or 6 you had a crush on your friend's big brother; it was natural, you used to spend a lot of time at their house, and he was older and very attractive.

"That was a long time a go, dad" You smiled at the memory.

"I know, but it will be nice to spend some time all together, specially after they lost Hervé and our only daughter decided to move so far away" He looked at you with such loving eyes, you could just say yes with your head "Your mom's been quiet for too long, let me go see what that lady is up to" he hugged you again and left your room.

You walked to your closet and took the dress cover bag.

"Are you serious?" you couldn't help to say out loud as you took the red body con dress from the hanger. It was a beautiful, but it being ferrari red felt like life was mocking you. You took a couple of calming breaths as you tried to accept that you were fucked, the only "party" attire in your suitcase wasn't exactly family gathering material and it was too late to go shopping, that dress was your only option.

The next morning before the sun was up you were already in the back of your mom's van on your way to the country side, it was a two hour drive to the Leclerc's cabin, you tried to catch some sleep and fight the jet lag, but anxiety wouldn't let you and before you knew it you were parking next to a red alfa romeo.

"Oh my God!! Y/n!!! darling, what a wonderful surprise" a surprised Pascale rushed to hug you as soon as you got off the van.

"Hi, it's nice to see you too" You hugged her back, you did really like Pascale, she had always been like a second mother.

As she turned to greet your dad, you turned to your mother.

"They didn't knew I was coming?" You asked in a low voice.

"No, I wanted for it to be a cute surprise" Your mom said with a big smile and then turned to hug her best friend.

"Come on in, the boys are going to be so happy to see you" She took you by the shoulders and dragged you inside the house as you pulled your suitcase.

"I wouldn't bet on it" you thought to yourself.

"Boys! come help with the bags!" She yelled as she entered the house "Wait 'till they see you!, want something to drink?" She pulled you inside the kitchen.

"Mom, where are we putting tomorrow's dinner thi..." Charles cut himself off and stopped in the middle of the kitchen entrance when he saw you.

"Mate, move! you're in the way" Arthur pushed Charles to the side walking in with a couple of bags "Y/N!" the youngest Leclerc let the bags fall over the kitchen table and rushed to hug you.

"Hi, Art" You said almost out of breath from the tight hug. "Oh my, you look so grown up!"

"Don't be fooled, it's just the outside" Said Lorenzo as he entered the kitchen with more bags, setting them on the table and pushing Arthur away to hug you "It's so nice to see you"

"Same" You hugged him back.

"This is a Christmas miracle" Lorenzo said as he turned to look at Charles with a cheeky grin on his face, he knew exactly what was happening and he found it incredibly amusing "I'm so glad I didn't skip christmas this year" He whispered as he walked past Charles.

"Shut up" Charles whispered back.

"Hi, Y/n" Charles left the bags on the floor, walked towards you and got his arms around your body as you shily hugged him back, his scent and body heat felt so familiar like it had been just a couple of days since the last time you two had been cuddling in his bed. "It's nice to see you," he said against your ear, his soft warm breath brushing your neck giving you goosebumps.

"It's nice to see you too"

You could feel Lorenzo's sight on you as he was bitting his cheek trying not to burst out laughing at the awkwardness between you two, thank God it was only him who noticed.

All of you finished unloading the van and tried to organize the sleeping situation.

"I can totally sleep on the couch, Pascale, don't worry about it" You said as soon as she offered to give you Charles' room.

"Oh no darling, you're not sleeping on the couch, Charles can sleep with Lorenzo or with Arthur, don't worry about it"

"But..."

"Don't even try, you won't convince her, let me" Said Charles taking your bag from your hand and walked up the stairs.

You followed him to his room. As soon as you walked in a thousand memories rushed trough your mind, during your relationship you had gone up to that cabin a few times, it was the only place you two could be alone.

"Thanks" You said in a low voice when he left your bag on his bed.

"You're welcome" He turned to look at you, you held his gaze a couple of seconds before his beautiful green eyes got your heart rushing a thousand miles and you had to look somewhere else trying to catch your breath, you walked to his closet to hang the dress bag.

"I called you, several times"

"I know" You said as you awkwardly played with the plastic material.

"I wanted to..."

"Mate, mom is calling you" Arthur walked in startling both of you.

"I'll be right there"

"Now" Said Arthur and walked down the stairs.

"We should go" you nervously said and followed Art downstairs.

Your mom, Pascale, Enzo and yourself prepared lunch as your dad talked to Arthur and Charles about the last racing season.

The whole group sat to have lunch, Pascale asked you about your life in New York, your apartment, your job, your friends.

"...and is there a special someone?" your mom's friend asked with a mischievous grin on her face, you noticed how Charles tensed at the question and Lorenzo noticed too.

"Yeah, are you breaking many hearts?" Lorenzo added, softly kicking his brother under the table, Charles flipped him off discretely as he "scratched" his cheek.

"Not as many as you Enzo, are you still dating Adrianne?" You diverted the attention successfully.

After lunch everyone moved to sit outside around the deck fireplace, night came and it started snowing which meant it was time to go to sleep, there was a lot to do the next morning.

You laid in Charles's bed, his scent was as intoxicating as it was soothing, you couldn't lie, you missed that smell, once you even ended up dating a guy just because he used the same cologne.

After an hour of trying to fall asleep and failing miserably at it, you gave up and decided to go prepare yourself a hot cup of tea. You got your robe on and walked down to the kitchen.

You prepared your tea and went to sit outside by the fireplace, the snow had stopped, it was cold but a couple of logs were still burning to give just enough heat to make it enjoyable.

"You're going to catch a cold" Charles' voice scared you, making you spill some hot tea over your hand.

"Ahhh, ouch"

"Shit!" Charles rushed to your side taking some snow from one of the chairs, he kneeled in front of you and placed the snow over your hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to scare you" he turned to look at you.

"It's ok" He kept his hand on yours, and you stood still for a while as the snow melted between your hands.

"I'm sorry" he said again.

"It's ok, it wasn't that hot anymore"

"I'm not talking about the tea" his voice in that low pitch that let you know this was a serious matter.

"Charles, you don't need to... I don't...I'm.." You had no idea what to say, you had rehearsed this conversation a thousand times in your head and had worked amazing responses to every possible apology or complaint, but having him right there, kneeling in front of you with his hand caressing yours was just too much for your brain to process, you couldn't even look at him.

"Listen, I was an asshole, I let stupid ideas get to my head, I did a lot of stupid things, and I've regretted them every single day since the moment you walked out my door."

"Y/n" he took your chin and made you look up at him "I'm sorry, I've missed you so fucking much" your chest moved faster, no coherent thought in your mind.

"It's getting cold, we should go inside" you removed your hand from his and walked directly to his room without looking back. You were overwhelmed, you still had feelings for him, but it had been too long, you had a life in New York. It broke your heart to think that maybe you had wasted your only chance to be with him.

It was around 3 or 4 am when you finally cried yourself to sleep.

A soft knock on the door woke you up.

"Come in" you sat on the bed and tried to fix your hair.

"Good morning" Lorenzo walked in the room, a tray in his hands with a cup of coffee and a couple pancakes.

"Hi, thanks" You took the tray from his hands and took a small sip of coffee, it was so good.

"You're welcome, I figured that after staying up late you could use some breakfast in bed" You looked at him confused.

"My window it's right above the deck"

"Oh, sorry about that"

"Don't worry about it. But, he really is sorry, you have no idea how many times he begged for me to call you, he knew you would answer my calls, but to be honest I didn't think he deserved you then"

"And now?"

"I've been to New York, it ain't that cool, and I would love to see you around Monaco and the tracks more often" He winked at you and walked out of the room.

You had your breakfast in bed as you tried to figure out what the fuck were you supposed to do with what you felt and what Lorenzo had told you. It was almost noon, you had a shower and finally walked downstairs to help with the Christmas preparations for that evening.

The smell coming from the kitchen was amazing, your mom and Pascale were the greatest cooks you've ever met, actually, their food was one of the things you missed the most after you moved.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I ordered some bread from the town and I think we might need a couple more wine bottles" Pascale said as she looked at a message on her phone.

"I can go pick it up" You offered, you were used to being questioned by your mom every time you called home, but now there were two of them bombarding you with a ton of questions, making you feel a bit overwhelmed, so a lonely trip to the village seemed like a great way to take a breather.

"Darling, I don't know, you haven't driven on this side of the road for a while, and the road might be snowed" If only your mother knew how many times you had taken Charles's car out for a spin and done pretty reckless stunts.

"I can drive you" Charles offered walking in the kitchen.

"Yes, let Charles drive you" Great, it had gone from bad to worse.

"But...ok" You knew trying to convince your mom to let you go on your own was a lost cause and saying no to the offer would seem weird and offensive, you took your jacket and walked outside.

You both were so nervous, the only sound in the car was the music coming from the speakers, you couldn't help to look at him out of the corner of your eye, he was tense as he kept a tight grip on the steering wheel and you found it incredibly attractive, one of the things you enjoyed the most when dating Charles was looking at him as he was driving, the way his hands worked the steering wheel and his sight focused on the road was something that turned you on.

You finally got to the village and walked inside a small store, you split the list of things and walked your own way to get them all.

"Y/n?" someone called your name behind you.

"Oh my, Ed, hi!" You hugged the guy standing behind you, he had been one of your uni classmates.

"It's so nice to see you, how's everything, how's New York?"

"It's good, how are you?"

"Same old, same old, how long are you going to be here? We should go get a coffee or something"

"Y/n" Charles spoke before you could answer "Two chardonnays should be good? we have 3 merlots at home" He said showing the two wine bottles he was holding in his left hand, as his right arm grabbed you nonchalantly by the waist.

"Oh, sorry mate, hi, Charles" Charles left the wine bottles in the shopping cart and extended his hand to shake Ed's but kept his arm around you.

"Hi, no worries, you are... Charles Leclerc"

"Yeah"

"Wow, uhm, big fan"

"Thanks" Charles smiled at your friend, from the outside this all seemed innocent and nice, but you knew he was marking his territory. "We need to hurry, we still need to stop by the bakery" He said looking at you in a way that made your heart skip a beat, it had been so long since he had looked at you in that way.

"I should go too, I still got some presents to buy, it was nice to see you y/n, and nice to meet you Charles, good luck on the next season"

"Thanks, mate, appreciated" Charles shook his hand, and as you took a step forward to kiss your friend goodbye, his arm never left your body. When Ed was out of sight you turned to look at Charles inquisitively as he took the spices from your hand and placed them in the tiny shopping cart.

"Let's go" He pushed the cart as if nothing had happened and walked to the register.

"Stop looking at me like that" he finally said as you were on the drive back to the cabin.

"That was low"

"I don't know what you're talking about" he faked innocence.

"Make him think we're together, that was low"

"You went with it, didn't you?" You instantly blushed at his comment.

"I did it just so you wouldn't look like a fool"

A soft breathy laugh left his mouth as he turned to stop in a hiking trail parking lot.

"What are you doing?" you asked confused as he turned off the car.

"Come" he got off the car, confused you did as he said, he leaned against the hood of the car and you walked towards him.

"Charles?" You asked as you stood a safe distance from him, your arms crossed over your chest.

"We need to talk"

"Charles, please, I..." You rubbed your eyes in slight despair, you were pretty much in the middle of nowhere there was no escaping from him this time.

"Please, just listen to me, if when I'm done you don't want to talk about it anymore, we'll get in the car and we never talk about this ever again, but right now, just listen to me, ok?" his beautiful green eyes made you weak and you couldn't say no.

"Ok"

"Y/n, I really am sorry, I swear nothing happened with any of those girls, I never cheated on you..."

"Charles..."

"Shut... up!" His voice was a soft growl as he took you by your arms and pulled you a little closer to him, you stared into his eyes, frozen "Please, listen to me, I know I've said I'm sorry like a million times in the last 24 hours, but I really feel like I owe you so many apologies. I was an asshole, I could try to explain myself but at the end of the day I was young and stupid, and I let this "famous driver" shit get to my head, I lost myself, and on the way, I ended up losing the most amazing and wonderful woman ever. I pushed you away and you had all right to kick me out of your life, but please, if there's just one small part of you that would like to try this again, please, I'm begging you, just give me one more chance, please"

You felt your heart rush, you had thought about this moment a million times, and 90% of them the answer was negative, not because you didn't love him, but because you could see how happy he was without you, winning races, taking pictures with fans, partying with the rest of the drivers, having the freedom he seemed to miss when he was with you.

"Y/N?"

"How do I know this isn't going to end up badly? You've been single for the last 5 years, are you sure you want to give up all you have?"

"I'm not the same idiot you left 5 years ago, I swear, I don't need anyone but you, I don't WANT anyone but you" He pulled you closer, his arms around your waist in a tight hug as you keep your arms crossed over your chest trying to put as much distance between you two. "I know I'm asking for a lot, you have a life somewhere else and I swear I wouldn't be asking for another chance if I didn't actually mean it, I swear on everything that's sacred for me, that I'm going to do my best to make this work and make you the happiest girl in the world, but please give me another chance"

"Are you sure this isn't just the holiday blues? what if I hadn't come this Christmas, would you feel the same?" Your rational side fighting hard against the side that just wanted to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him.

"Do you really think I just came up with this?" A soft smile escaped his lips as he unhooked one of his arms from around your waist and took his cell phone from his jacket, he clicked around for a bit, then turned the screen towards you as he slowly scrolled through the screen, there were dozens of undelivered messages, you could only catch a few words but most of them were of how much he missed you and begging for you to forgive him and come back. "The last one is from last week, I've missed you every day for five years"

You turned to look at him, this movement from your head making the tears that flooded your eyes fall down your cheeks. He got his phone inside his jacket and cleaned your tears with his fingers.

"I love you, y/n, and you can say no, I don't want to force you to do anything, you don't even have to give me an answer right now, but just think about it, ok?"

You couldn't talk and you just nodded your head.

"Good, now let's go, it's getting dark" He leaned in and kissed your lips so softly that if your eyes had been closed you would have doubted it ever happen. He led you to the passenger seat, opened the door for you, and then went to get inside the car.

You drove in silence again, you knew your answer but were you making the right decision?

As he pulled next to your parent's van you fixed yourself as much as you could.

"Darling, what took you so long?" Pascale walked towards you to help with the bags.

"Sorry, I found an old friend and caught up talking" You excused yourself before Charle could say anything.

As the boys helped with setting the table and bringing in more wood for the fireplace, you couldn't help to notice how good was the relationship between your dad and the Leclerc boys, he had turned into their father figure and it filled your heart, you knew this kind of relationship between your dad and any other guy in your life was going to be impossible. Tears started forming in your eyes again.

"All done" you said setting the last couple of cookies on the cooling rack "I'm going to get dressed" You quickly removed the apron and rushed upstairs before anyone could notice your watery eyes.

As you walked inside the bedroom you saw a small red box on the bed, you took it and opened it slowly to find a beautiful gold tuberose necklace and a handwritten note inside.

"I've had this for years and I finally got the chance to give it to you, I remember that night you called our love a "Tuberose love" because it seemed it only bloomed hidden in the dark, but this is a gold tuberose, it can bloom day or night, as long as it's around your neck.

I love you, always,

Charles"

You cried and held the beautiful necklace in your hand.

You showered and got ready, you looked at yourself in the mirror, the red dress looked better than you ever imagined, maybe that Ferrari red wasn't a bad idea after all, maybe that color could grow on you again. You got the necklace around your neck, the gold piece shining perfectly over the fabric.

"Come on kids, it's time" Your dad yelled from downstairs, you took a last deep breath and walked down to meet everyone.

Charles' eyes lit up as soon as he saw you enter the dining room, his sight focused on the gold detail hanging from your neck and he couldn't help to smile, he pulled the chair by his side and gestured you to take a seat next to him.

You sat by his side as everyone else took their places, he looked around and you took his hand under the table, he turned to look at you and you noticed his eyes were red as if he was about to cry.

"All good?" you whispered worried

"Never been better" he smiled and gave your hand a little squeeze.

You had dinner, the best Christmas dinner to date.

It was close to 3 am when the parents decided it had been enough for them and left for bed, Lorenzo and Arthur went to get some more wood and Charles took the chance to sit next to you on the living room floor, putting a blanket over your bodies as he placed his arm around your shoulders.

"Thanks" you said taking the necklace and looking at it.

"You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it" He kissed your hair.

"I love it... not as much as I love you, tho" You finally said, his face turned fast to look at you as you turned to look at him.

"So... you...uhm" He stutter

"Did I just make Charles Leclerc stutter?" you smiled teasingly.

"Shut up" he said as he took your face and pulled you in for a kiss, that kiss you had waited for so long.

"What the hell?" Arthur yelled as he dropped the logs on the living room floor.

"Well, this time it can't be a secret, this one can't keep his mouth shut" Said Lorenzo leaving the logs next to the fireplace.

"This time? why am I always the last one to find this shit out!?, You have a lot of explaining to do" Said Arthur inquisitively as he sat across from you.

Tag List: @wtrmlnsgr94, @ricsaigaslec

[joealwyndefenseattorney]

Allow me to enter the "adult conversation". I want to answer to that anon aswell.

why didn't he show up for taylor when she needed support?

what do you even mean? As in public or private? Cause privately you don't know anything and if she stayed with him for years clearly he was doing something right. If you mean in public, first of all how do you know Taylor needed support and how do you know when she needed it? Did you expect him to drop everything and go to every single event of hers? Which is kind of hard given that she's constantly doing things and he has a job unlike what you all think. And he did supported her by the way they way

Why was he resentful of her success?

who told you he was resentful of anything? The voices in your head?

Why didn't he go with her to several awards shows? Including the Grammys!

which awards shows exactly are you referring to? Because the usual examples swifties give were on dates he was working. Funny you should mention the Grammys cause he was in the backstage of the 2022 Grammys, when even the relationship was mostly likely dead. If you mean the 2021 Grammys, he was filming. There was a pandemic and travel restrictions. Even if he could have gone, he would have to stay in quarantine before and after obviously messing up the filming schedule

Why did he party in her house whilst ignoring her all the time?

I'm sick of this party story you all got from out of nowhere. And apparently somehow even for the scope he ignored her at said party. First of all, they were living together on that house, as much as you think otherwise it wasn't her house. It was their house, as partners of years who already lived together anyway. He was not a high school kid having to ask for permission from his parents to throw a party. So if he did use the house to throw a party, it's not this outrageous thing you make it out to be. Let me remind you Taylor met and was friend with his co-stars aswell.

Why did he want her to not be as famous as she is now while Travis is very open to it?

Again, who told you he didn't want her to be famous? And I'm guessing you must be a teenager because asking why one person is ok with something someone else isn't is screaming I don't have life experiences. Think about it, if you like tomatoes does that mean everyone likes tomatoes? Ofc not, because we all have different tastes. So why does Travis loves fame and Joe doesn't? Obviously because they are two different people. And quite clearly not only Travis is ok with Taylor's fame, he also loves it and wants to be famous too.

Taylor wanted to be loved out loud but joe always seemed embarrassed by her.

if Taylor wants to be loved out loud good for her, but not everyone does and not everyone has the same love language. If she wanted that, that bad then she should have left Joe earlier cause he shouldn't change who he is to please her. They were together for years, she had plenty of time to realize he couldn't give what she wanted.

And if you mean he was embarassed as in I'm trying to do my job and promote it and people want to know about my personal life instead... that's just you thinking he should have given you content

Why didn't he answer what his fave taylor song was?

Again, because the interviews were about his job not personal life. Because he didn't want to, which is more than enough reason. Because you are not entitled to know about it anyway lol also that question was made back in 2018 when they were very much still very closed off. Maybe after folkore they would have had more luck. The only person entitled to know was Taylor and I'm sure she did so

Why did it always seem like he hated us, the fans?

As he should???? You are all fucking annoying and vile. And if he didn't hate you before, after how you all treated him over the last year he has more than reasons to. If you want the serious answer, he wasn't obliged to love any of you. He wasn't in a relationship with any of you. Get that in your skull. The person he loved was Taylor and that was the person he was in a relationship with. The reason you like Travis is because he's bootlicking you, but I assure you that's not the normal thing. Anyone normal doesn't care to appease and try her gf's fans to like you. The most he should do is respect you and not treat you badly and Joe always followed that. But ofc he didn't care beyond that. Why should he?

Why did he interact with several of his female co stars but locked her away in the basement of his heart?

not the basement. Like stop with this quoting her lyrics as a form of criticism. It's cringe as hell. Also he interacted with his co-stars (regardless of gender) yeah. Did you want him to just ignore them??? In which planet do you live?

Or literally not see she was depressed as he left her behind at home (caging her) while he went to the bar?

Not caging her. Stop you're ridiculous. Taylor wasn't chained at home. If she wanted to go out no one would stop her. Stop being ridiculous ffs. What bar are you even talking about? Is this about the black dog song which not only is post breakup but not even about him? And guess what, by Taylor's own words he was also depressed. So you can also ask yourself, why should he have empathy for her depression when he was depressed and she talks about it like a burden?

[cmtcahrule]

No Words. Part 2.

For those who can't or won't watch.

26. After our wedding I had purchased all of these lanterns. I had this storage unit of all of these lanterns because they really went with the vibe. I had him and his friends drive them in a U-Haul to Texas which was really helpful until they got stopped at the border with weed and went to jail. So they helped when they could.

27. So when things really blew up for him, which I knew took some years, and you were in the spotlight at red carpets, and you were at big movie premiers, and more eyes were on you, how did that feel? Like you had the taste of fame from the hosting, but did you like being in that spotlight of Hollywood? It felt really weird. Like I should be asking questions. I felt like I still wanted to be the person asking questions. There’s always a fine line. You want to be a supportive wife. But you don’t want to lose your identity. Your husband’s career is going one direction but I have always found it tricky to be a supportive wife and maintain everything else that I want. How can I maintain my young, bitch self and be who I am?

28. I wondered how you felt when he was doing really well and you had to come along for the ride? Everything goes back to relationships. We were best friends. We went everywhere together. We didn’t have kids for 5 years. We were together on every set and every experience. I have so many of my friends from his movie sets like Social Network.

29. Where were you when your marriage was ending? Were you ready? I don’t think anyone is ready. I am such a family person. My family is everything. I would literally do anything to take any pain away from my kid. There is literally nothing I would not do.

30. I am a very Christmas card, basic bitch girl who believes family is more important than life or work. I would honestly do anything to keep my family together.

31. During COVID ahead of the divorce announcement: He was having struggles with his dad. He said mentally I am not OK. Like for me, if anyone said I am not OK, you don’t argue with that.

32. Long story short, he left. I saw some text messages that were not supposed to be sent to me.

33. You know what, we have worked so hard and come so far, you just don’t leave your family during a global pandemic. Especially with everything that we have been through.

34.Yes, family is important, but some people are OK with infidelity, but some people can move on, some people can turn a blind eye, but I fucking deserve the world and I am not the girl.

35. I think people make mistakes but I was never going to stay in a relationship where I was disrespected.

36. I remember screaming and crying and not understanding how and why that this could even be happening after we had so many plans. We wanted more kids. We wanted to be in this neighborhood.

37. It was the most horrible time of my life. I am strong. Yes, you are strong as fuck. From the sidelines, watching you…the way you handled it should be written about.

38. Did he try to fight for the marriage when you wanted to end it? He was not in a great place at the time. I won’t speak on his behalf in terms of treatment but all I wanted for him was for him to get help.

39. I drove him to the airport.

40. A good place to heal is where there is no paparazzi or tabloids. I honestly think that one more year might be our “safe zone” here. It is not like we are hiding but I just want to protect them until they can understand that we are both in really healthy places now.

41. I told my daughter I will buy half of your car if you wait until you are 16 to have a phone.

42. I don’t want to overstep but this came out in the media that Armie is paying $1,500 per month in child support and for some reason that became public. I have built a really successful company and I have 3 shows right now in production. I am so grateful for the success of my company and my team. I can sit here and literally spend however many dollars on another year of arguing back and forth with him about how much money and it is such a waste. I will provide for our kids. They are with me all the time.

43. We were in LA and we were staying at my friend’s house and together putting the kids to sleep and reading a book together. That is what kids want and that is what makes them happy. If that is the one thing I can give them I will. There is nothing I won’t do for them. They didn’t ask for any of this.

44. Are you still dating your hot boyfriend? Yes. He is amazing. He is from Lithuania. Born and raised in a small village. He is a physical therapist. I am in love and I love him.

45. So if you move to LA is he going to come? I don’t know. Everyone says the city will ruin him. He is very traditional. He is only 26.

46. The kids love him so much. He is so present and great with them. He is never on his phone.

47. Our family of four, including Armie, is really important to them. That is their identity now.

48. Regarding work: I am excited for the one on Discovery. It is basically a Dateline but with modern terms. Toxic relationships. I am manifesting 300 seasons of it.

49. We have also done a show on Hulu about opening the location here in Cayman which I am hosting and producing. A couple of other ones that just sold.

50. In the end, everything comes down to trauma. Maybe you are filling a void you did not have when you were younger. We are all products of our upbringing. And that really manifests itself in romantic relationships.

[sir--crow]

I wanna write SO BADLY these days but I cant

I've been craving my old routine of working out, daydreaming, and writing out my silly thoughts

but I can't right now

I know I'll get back to it one day but right now I'm just feeling the frustration of my chronic illness and disability.

*angry crow*

if u wanna read more of an explanation I left it under the cut! I guess this is sort of my update/explanation for why I've been gone for awhile

I wanna keep this brief (I'm tired), but I also wanna spread some awareness on ME/CFS since it's what I'm dealing with.

I got COVID (yes it's still around and no the pandemic is not over) back in October, and after feeling horrible for weeks thereafter I was diagnosed with Long COVID... and then my doctor also diagnosed me with ME/CFS. It was a lot to take in at the moment, and ever since that appointment I've gotten worse.

ME/CFS is also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I like to also call it the Big Tired. but it's not just tiredness, it's straight up soul crushing fatigue, pain, brain fog, memory issues, dizziness, vertigo, weakness, and so much more. Post Exertional Malaise (PEM) is a main factor of ME/CFS that has crushed my being. to keep it brief, it basically makes u feel sick and get worse after any exertion of energy whatsoever. this includes physical, mental, and emotional. I once laughed too hard and felt sick hours later.

I find that these days I'm too tired to daydream now, which really makes me sad. the other day I turned on some music and started to daydream, and it got pretty intense (fight scene in my brain was going hard) and then I felt ill. I was out of breath and had to sit down because my heart started to race too fast. I can't fucking daydream like I used to and I'm so sad.

I know that I'm just having a bad flare up, but like I said before I'm just feeling frustrated and wanted to take this moment to vent/spread awareness on ME/CFS.

I'm still in the process of figuring everything out and I'm very lucky and privileged to have an amazing support system through my mom. I know that I'll daydream and write soon, since I'm stubborn, but yeah brain fog and fatigue suuuuck.

if u wanna learn more about ME/CFS I highly recommend researching it since it's a lot more common than you might think. also just a reminder to stay safe, wear a mask, and take care of yourself <33

[museofreverie]

Chapter 01 ⋆ The Girl Who Knew

WAYS OF FREEDOM┊Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Modern Fem!Reader ┊2nd POV

In which a chronically online Gen Z that went through the pandemic goes to the Attack on Titan Universe and tries her very best to change the ending with an "I can fix him" mentality.

⋆ CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 1.3k words

⋆ WARNINGS: manga spoilers

⋆ A/N: Hope this chapter hits close to what you felt after reading the last manga chapter <3

⬅ prev chapter ┊ next chapter ➡

𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏.

“EREN TURNED INTO a what?!”

          You blurted out in disbelief, the thought of it only processing now in your brain.

          An ache was starting to form so deep in your stomach as you took in the bittersweet feeling after reading Chapter 139; the last chapter of the Attack on Titan series. Your lips trembled more at the continuous hurricane of emotions you felt towards the final chapter.

          Burying your head into the pillow that was in between your hands, squishing it tightly just to muffle your voice from being heard by your family. You raised your head to wipe your tears with the sleeve of your shirt, "Get it together, Y/N. It's just a drawing, shit, don't cry."

          Your eyes were already swollen from the tears that kept on spilling out non-stop, making it harder for you to continue reading the next manga panel because of your blurry vision.

          "Don't cry, don't cry. You idiot, it's just a fucking drawing." You kept repeating the words to yourself even if it was hard to do as you were already having a hard time breathing from breaking down over the last chapter of the manga.

          "Did Eren really just turn into a bird?" you pondered. “Or is it just some type of symbolism?"

          Confusion had now masked your face as you were beginning to have a whole conversation with the air about your thoughts over the ending—which was probably absurd to others. You were left with a lot of questions unanswered by the author, that's why.

          Because as much as you loved the series wholeheartedly, it felt like everything from the last chapter was rushed. But you were aware of having a tragic ending from the story due to the author hinting about it in one of his interviews you've read, but it was like he did a lot of characters dirty when he admitted that he couldn't express well what he wanted to show to the readers. And you felt so frustrated with every revelation that was unfolded to the viewers.

          "This doesn't even make any sense — No, shit, don't cry."

          You had witnessed so many side characters being brutally killed by titans or by devils disguised in the faces of humans from the last season and you felt devastated about their fate. And Eren was also willing to turn into a devil just to save the people he loved.

          But after reading Chapter 139, it's as if all the decisions he made were useless. Everything he did to achieve freedom went to waste and you were puzzled about it and felt like there were a lot of plot holes that still needed to be filled. You were even more baffled when Armin thanked Eren for destroying a huge part of humanity during their talk in the paths. You felt like his reason behind activating the gruesome rumbling to defeat his enemies and kill innocent lives from hatred wasn't justifiable.

          Just because he wanted to do it? That is so messed up. He deserves an Oscar award for that acting during the table scene though, you thought. The poor boy didn't even know if what he was doing was right. You didn't know if Eren kept a facade all this time or not, just so he could move forward until the end. Perhaps it is because he wanted his friends to live a peaceful life free from the horrors of war and suffering.

          Eren Jaeger, the boy who had sought freedom all this time was just a slave to the idea of achieving it. That the very person who always kept on moving forward for freedom was the least free of them all.

          How ironic, you thought.

          You had spent a lot of random days over-analyzing every small detail from each episode that was allegedly said to be a piece of information in foreshadowing that'll be put together for the most hyped ending of the series. You've even found yourself wasting a lot of time reading tons of well-thought-out theories and videos by other fans if you weren't busy studying. And now you didn't know what to feel about it.

          You constantly fanned your face with your hand, while also hiccupping from being overwhelmed by these strong emotions that clouded you. Taking a slow deep breath, you brought your focus back towards your laptop that was sitting in your lap now that was containing the very reason why you were crying in the first place.

          You felt like a clown since you told yourself that you were only supposed to have a small break from doing your piled homework for online classes—which didn't work out well as it turned into a longer one when you were scrolling through your timeline on Twitter and saw the hashtags that were trending which contained the spoilers about the much-awaited ending of Attack on Titan by the anime community.

          Deciding to check it out as you couldn't contain your excitement—but here you were, an hour later, feeling empty inside after all that reading. What you have read just now was tormenting your heart in the worst possible way, as every sob that escaped your lips made the ache in your chest keep on tightening.

          "This is still so sad, what the hell," you muttered, your voice croaking from all that crying. But all of a sudden, a small tender smile crept its way up to your face when a panel from the last chapter engraved itself in your head. It was the only thing that left you crying in awestruck at how beautiful and well-crafted it was.

          "At least, Levi's alive."

          You knew anime wasn't deep to begin within the eyes of those who don't dare to watch it, but man, this one was affecting you after all that emotional rollercoaster ride the anime series had offered. You bit your lower lip as you grab your phone beside you to check on the time. The screen from your phone opened and the light from it illuminated, reflecting on your face.

          1:40 am, it showed.

          A deep sigh escaped your lips. You were about to pull another all-nighter again just to finish your school activities for an online school. Days spent at home tend to blur and you see yourself doing the same old and messy routine. Sometimes you get a couple of hours of relief from the little things that kept you sane while staying inside your room all day, but there was always this constant pit of anxiety in your stomach and running through your veins.

          And you felt like you just have no control over it anymore making you feel drained. You didn't even know if it was worth it to keep on going and work hard for a future you weren't even sure you'd have. You just couldn't find the energy to do anything anymore. You were just so lost and couldn't figure out what to do with your life. But you had to keep on moving forward.

          It's for the grades. You can do this. Your mind started to drift back to the manga panels again as you reminisced about them, and a smile made its way to your face before you continued to study.

          With the thought that one of your favorite series has now come to an end, you brought your right hand to your heart—doing the salute from Attack on Titan to show your gratitude towards the show and author.

          "Shinzou wo Sasageyo!"

          You whisper-shouted the Japanese version, as your chest was now swelling with pride and nostalgia for a country from a story that doesn't even exist. But they were right. No matter what the ending of the journey might turn out, all good things must come to an end. And you knew Attack on Titan was going down in history.

To be continued . . .

⬅ prev chapter ┊ next chapter ➡

[thegodthief]

What do you find most exhausting about your practice? Conversely, what is the most fulfilling to you?

Earlier, I had quipped that the short answer to both questions was the same: "Solitude." If you will grant me the indulgence of explaining why I answered thus.

It is exhausting working alone for damn near everything. The pandemic made matters worse, but this has been a problem for me from the moment I began stubbing my toe on the rocks along this path. Trial and Error™ is the hallmark of the practitioner, but when you don't have the ability to have your work peer reviewed, then the errors stick around longer and the trials have a heavier cost. I'm always hiding a part of me from other magic users while I wait to see which one of their DNI categories I'm going to fall into, this time.

What I noticed pre-pandemic is that eclectic magic users were very welcome, as long as you were eclectic in the right (read: popular and/or mainstream) way. There is a reason one of my first posts here so long ago was a rejection of sisterhood with other witches who were trying to claim some sort of connection for no other reason that I was considering if I was even a witch in the first place.

Here and now, in the long tail of the pandemic, I haven't tried to attend any in-person events or ceremonies. They all seem to fall on a weekday and are prohibitively far from me such that I'll lose more than just the earnings of the day. Not to mention, that I don't know the people putting these things together, nor the people presenting at the shindig, nor the area that the event is happening in.

Online, it is not much better. The groups I see in the few servers I lurk in are well established and have mutual chains linking within and without the online spaces. It feels like watching a group of kids playing double-jump and they have been playing so long together that they have their own rhythm for jumping in and out of the rope because everything about the game has been shaped into a pattern that suits them best. And here I am, clunky, uncoordinated, not presenting as expected, and the group leader is telling me to jump in anytime but the moment I do, I snag the rope and the game (read: conversation) just stops.

I don't question if that online space was meant for me. If it was, I wouldn't be fucking up the game. I question if I'm meant for online spaces, and have quietly taken my leave from most servers. (waves hand) I am not the content creator you are looking for.

This leaves me with very few people that I can be weird with. That I can ask a "deep question" to. That I have been trying very hard not to abuse with my single-minded focus, because one of the hardest things I have had to realize lately is that I am considerably Not Normal™ when it comes to wooish shit, because I don't think that even the Big Name Practitioners™ think about or try wooish shit as much as I do. Very often, their social media feeds (public and/or quasi-public) are 90% Everyday Life™ that you see for anyone else in that general area or demographic and an occasional Now This Is What I Call Magic!™.

There isn't anyone else like me, which is probably very good for everyone else, but is really fucking shit for me.

But, that same solitude is also very fulfilling for me. Because I do try the Weird Shit, and I do poke at the thing that most folks on my dash are concerned about poking at, and I get to work the ritual that takes advantage of my single-minded focus, and on occasion, I get shit done. It means that I don't have someone annoyed that I'm staying up late to do the thing for the tenth night in a row, or that when I put a jar in the fridge labeled "Not For Human Consumption" that it will remain where I put it no matter how many months days I go back to finish the rite I started.

It means I don't have to ask permission (or forgiveness) for deviating from the plan, because the plan was always going to be uncovered as I went anyway. It means that when I plan the purchases for the rite, that I don't have to add a "pinch" tax for when someone else decided to help themselves to the ingredients before the rite and takes just a "pinch" for themselves.

It means that I progress according to the work I'm putting in, and if something takes me a few years months to understand, then that's okay, and if someone takes me a few hours days to master, then that's also okay, and I'm not trying to force myself to work through my shit on someone else's timing, and that's hella okay.

But then, like the ouroboros, I wind up back where I started. I have this neat trick, this personal understanding, this alternative way of working this jar I picked up, and I want to talk about it with someone because that's one of the better ways for me to truly understand what I'm doing and what I've learned, but because this little thing I have doesn't have an accepted lineage, source, book reference, BNP recommendation, then I'm no different from amulet-chasers.

You'd think that having a personal blog of my own would make this easier. After all, having a space independent of advertisers and/or corporate interference means I can say what I want. But who is reading? Who was reading? With all that has happened (and continues to happen), my posts have dwindled to nigh nothing, and Tumblr remains the only space where I am active.

I don't know how to break the cycle.

This was very likely not the answer you were expecting. But it is the only one I have to give. My apologies.

[eisforeidolon]

Question: What was your funniest favorite episode and your darkest favorite episode?

Jared: Fuckin' great question. First off, welcome. Funniest? Here's something, I think I know my answer to funniest, but I will say, not funniest while shooting. Like, kind of nerve-wracking while shooting. And I would go to two episodes, French Mistake and Changing Channels. And we had a great time during those episodes, like we had a great time filming those episodes? But it was kind of nerve-wracking because you're like, are we ruining this? Are we gonna ruin the show? Is it gonna be alright, are they gonna still watch us? It's like, okay, let's just make it real. I think French Mistake would probably be my number one because the opportunity to make fun of yourself, on camera, that's gonna last forever? It's pretty fuckin' cool. One of the most heartbreaking or heart-wrenching? Man, I forget the name of this episode. There was an episode later on, and I've talked about this before, but - there have been a few times - well, the finale, the series finale was hard. Not all of it, obviously, there was a lot of fun stuff, but that fucking barn scene was heartbreaking for months leading up to it, 'cause we were in the pandemic. There was an episode prior to that where Jensen and I are standing outside the Impala and Sam is berating Dean for something? And I couldn't remember my lines. And that doesn't happen to me. And not that I'm cool or something like that - [audience discussing] - Prophet and Loss. And it was so difficult because, like - and I'm a professional. I know my job, I take it seriously, I prepare and I go to work and I do it. I give it everything I have. But my brain wouldn't let me find - I felt like I had dementia or something - and I don't mean to make light of dementia, I've had family with it who've passed from it. But I just was like, I don't know what I'm saying right now, I can't fucking remember what I'm supposed to do next. And it was so difficult to get through it, and I kinda realized later that it was because Jared didn't like what Sam was saying? And so it was really difficult to learn. I went home and I cried myself to sleep. And I came home - I came to set the next day? And my eyes wouldn't open. 'Cause I went home and I was like, fucked up, I fucked up, I ruined Sam, I ruined Supernatural, like what's wrong with me? Like I know I did my homework, I've prepped for days, weeks, months, whatever, for hours a day. And I just couldn't do it. And I think I realized - and funny enough, to an earlier question? Sacrifice was like that, for me. With the Sam and Dean bit of, like, you know what I asked for forgiveness for in there was letting you down. Like who do you go to next, another vampire? You know? It was so difficult to get out, that - like, there was a disconnect? Like my own body's self preservation mode that I don't know where it exists, like kicked in. Don't say that shit, don't say it. That ain't gonna feel good, you're not gonna like that. So I would say those two sequences in Sacrifice and Prophet and Loss were, in hindsight - at the time I didn't know! You go to work, you're like I know my lines, I can say all the words right now. And then you get in the scene, you're doing it and you're like, why is this so hard? Why am I not rem- I know I did my preparation. So those two would be the most difficult.

Jared: But yeah, French Mistake, and then Changing Channels like, [does the voice] Nutcracker!!! Which was, by the way, terrifying. That was probably my scariest because the machine legitimately - and it was, when we were there, they put you in these, like, ski boots. They have redone ski boots? So you're in and then they lock you in, and the fuckin' ball on the stick was a legit ball on a stick that went like this [mimes ball movement and makes noise]. And so they sat me there and they're like, okay, you see this X mark on the thing? You're like yeah yeah, I see it. And you're locked in, they're like okay, don't let your hips go past that. Like, [incredulous expression] I'm sorry? So if I'm here [mimes moving hips forward], I'm getting hit in the nuts. [moves hips back] If I'm here, I'm okay. And so I was like, I think the first take we did, they're like, okay, we're gonna go ahead and do the stunt. Which I didn't get hit, it just looked like it. But I think I was like, okay, so the X mark? And they're like, yeah. And I was like, okay [pushes hips way back], I'm ready! And they were like, you look really weird right now. And I was like, no, I feel good, I feel good. And so I finally had to go, and I think the first one, as soon as I knew, it was like three, two, one, I was gonna get hit? I go [makes pained face and leans back]. And they're like, Jared, listen, we're hoping not to hit you, we need you to hold a straight face until the machine does that thing. And I was like [high pitched voice] Okay, I got it. So that was probably the most physical danger I felt I was gonna be in.