#because that's all deh really is
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isnt connor murphy the name of the guy from dear evan hansen??
yes and also the protagonist from my novel
#and so it begins……#ppl got really pressed about me having the Audacity to have doubled up on a name that already existed in media#to be fair i google all of my character’s names before i start and all that came up at that point was a hockey player#because connor Told me his name. it was one of those Moments#and i wasn’t familiar with the content of DEH and for Some Reason it didn’t come up when i googled it!#i thought really hard about changing it but like . that’s my boy and that’s BEEN my boy#asks#iwyw
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I'm sorry the tags are so long and so many lmao
cats is a great example of a show that doesn't work as a movie because all of the magic of it is in the live performance (the costumes, the dance numbers, the absurdity of it all) and dear evan hansen is a great example of a show that doesn't work as a movie because the show sucks
#I'm rewriting deh and i kinda switched alana and evan's personalities and made the show not a feel good sewer slide awareness thing#Like really it just doesn't work as a type of feel good thing ya know#The way Evan got dragged into the lie and KEPT IT GOING with Zoe being part of the reason he couldn't tell the truth#All strikes some sort of red flags in me you know#And the movie made it worse like what the hell#This isn't gonna JUST be feel good because you will be found exists#It's all based on a lie that Evan knew Connor and kept it going because it saves lives or whatever#And the movie paints Evan as the good guy like he's the hero and guess what HES NOT#And this was even relevant that he's a terrible person but also a good one in the original and it adds to the plot that Evan is both the#Protagonist and the villain him being a bad person is why deh so meaningful to people#And NO CHOREOGRAPHY??? NOT EVEN IN FOR FOREVER???? WHERE THE IDEAL MV IS WHAT THEY'RE DESCRIBING IN THE SONG????#what is wrong with them oh my god#A deh movie could work but not in THAT way#The book portrayed this better where it shows connor's pov it would've been better if the movie was an adaption of the book#Rewriting deh felt like beating content out of the deh fandom with a stick cuz I needed more material to work with and make everything have#A purpose because at some points I had gotten too self indulgent and I think I made it pretty edgy and I was into milgram while rewriting i#So I may have made Evan too similar to amane BUT IT'S STILL BETTER THEN THE SHOW ITSELF#(And there's so little content of the off Broadway version so trying to keep true to the original without knowing what the off Broadway#Version was like was like making a Connor project of my own)
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DEH is an incredibly weird musical to watch from the comfort of my computer. This musical relies so much on framing that once you’re out of the atmosphere everything gets a lot more bitter.
And it is an interesting show! I think it sets up a lot of very interesting themes to travel down regarding the exploitation of suicide and the grey morality inherent in being a teenager. The parent-child dynamics really shine in this show.
But my fucking lord I hate the framing because in trying to wrestle it out of the dark comedy it once was, the tone gets fucky. The teenagers in particular remain mean-spirited, and this makes a lot of the pathos feel like it’s twisting my arm to make me sympathize.
And I know the primary origin of my frustration with this show is how it deals with Connor because he reminds me of me and so when he gets shunted off to plot device it still doesn’t feel like a real sense of loss. He dies, he never gets to move past the worst of himself, it’s fucking awful, but this isn’t. Really. Included in the tone of this show. I hate Sincerely Me, I really do.
Mrehhh this show makes me feel bad as someone with an unsympathetic way of being mentally ill to the point where much of my childhood I was treated like a monster who was fun to provoke and as I got older that remained the same but I also got called a school shooter. I have a personal stake in this show and it’s in the character who dies 15 minutes in and never returns as his own person.
#suicide#<- by the territory of this show#deh negative#deh critical#<- ? good tags?#(wow vern talk)#I think another part of my problems would be assuaged if Evan’s anxiety was consistent#like when you go from stammering and stupid to a smoothtongued song it makes him accidentally look worse#+ the sanism in this show. isn’t questioned in the framing. uh#in n2n we begin with haha crazy lady and then get roundhouse kicked to the face and say#holy shit I laughed at that but she was suffering#oh no my protagonist#but. Evan Hansen isn’t the one being an overachiever or being called a school shooter#all his stuff is played off as sympathetic and relatable#like. Connor gets his suicide and Alana gets her reveal but neither of them really get to stick because the first is too early to swerve +#into tragedy at that point so it’s still a dark comedy with connor as the butt of the joke#and Alana is too late and too secondary to hit#deh neg#(wow vern neg)
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i should so go to ny again and watch a musical and while waiting for it read gay fics
#randomrambles#because this totally didn’t happen when i saw deh#toooootally didn’t read treebros fics on the way#and write a treebros fic on the way#i forget it if was chapter 3 or 4 i think chapter 4 of my fic was written while going#man that theater was so nice#like idk what broadway theaters are like but i mean if they’re like that one i wanna watch a show in a broadway theater#i mean it wasn’t on broadway or anything or really even that close. wasn’t in nyc at all#but it was a super nice theater 10/10 recommend very pretty#next time i go i’ll take pictures of the theater itself
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i lose five years of my life every time i see someone still mad over the 2017 tony’s
#girl please let it go……#deh didn’t deserve ALL of those but it’s really not that bad of a musical ok#i’m not tagging this because i don’t want to get eaten alive#BY THE WAY THIS IS A JOKE#u can be mad over it or whatever i just Don’t really want to see it
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just to preface this: none of this is intended to be aggressive or anything, just thought i'd reply to this because i have a lot of Thoughts on this topic
so i actually think there's a lot more nuance to deh than that - the whole point of the ending is the ambiguity regarding whether anyone at all was in the right or the wrong. evan isn't intended to be portrayed as the classic 'character who's in the right', and personally i think that his actions are just as understandable and justifiable (for want of a better word, because obviously the things he does aren't right - although i could go into a lot more detail about this particularly considering the theory that connor kind of meant for things to go as they did, at least at the beginning) as jeremy's.
i think the consequences of both characters' actions aren't discussed enough in either musical, but a lot of inferences can be made (also, for all i hate the deh movie, it does go into a tiny bit more detail about the reasons for which evan is never 'punished' for what he does). fanfiction does tend to explore these ideas a lot more though - in bmc particularly there's never any indication of jeremy properly making up for the things he did, especially to michael, which is of course a topic that many a fanfiction covers in great detail.
i've seen a lot of people saying that the ending of deh is lazy or badly thought out, but again i think it's a lot more nuanced and that it isn't SUPPOSED to be a perfect happy ending where everyone wins and the bad guys are vanquished - it's actually something that's really interesting in deh because it's an anomaly in that it lacks a 'villain', hence what i said earlier about how the point is that nobody is fully in the right OR in the wrong. (i can definitely elaborate more on that if it doesn't make sense- they talk about it a lot in through the window)
anyways like i said i really don't want this to come across as an attack or anything, it's just something i'm very passionate about since deh and bmc are two of my three absolute favourite musicals- it's really interesting to me to hear other people's perspectives on the way in which various topics are handled in both musicals !! also i said this already but i can elaborate on any of this if it doesn't make sense it's kind of just word vomit from various thoughts that have been floating around in my brain for a while-
The way the musical Be More Chill is like…10000x better than Dear Evan Hansen despite having the same premise of a loser teen who gets caught up in drama and eventually becomes a dick until they get knocked down is immense. I find myself comparing the two musicals a lot and Be More Chill is just the obvious better one. They were both early 2000’s-ish books about teenage kids who didn’t like where their life was heading and wanted to be more, both having cheesy comedy but heart to it, and despite DEH being more deeper and trying to challenge the subject of mental health and suicide whereas BMC is a tragic-ish comedy about a kid being controlled by a drug to get more popular, one of them was clearly better. I feel bad because I don’t despise DEH, but over time I was able to see that it was heavily flawed and could have been better. I understand the lesson they were trying to convey and in the beginning I saw myself in Evan as I am a person with heavy anxiety and who grew up sensitive and anti social, but the musical didn’t do the good it was hoping to do, especially with Evan’s character. Jeremy from BMC is just…a million times better and more likable than Evan is, all Jeremy wanted was to survive and win the girl he had a crush on, and then there’s this drug implanted in his brain, forcing and telling him what to do to be a “big shot”. Even the moments where Jeremy snapped, it was all understandable even if he was in the wrong, and he actually faced the consequences of his actions, at least better compared to Evan who just went “what I did was wrong” only for the musical to go “no you saved this family lol”.
#also deh wasn't based off a book#the novel came after the musical#the one by val emmich#i haven't read it because as far as i know it's really similar to the show#but. without the cool singing#that all sounds really passive aggressive i'm so sorry-#/gen#idk how to say it so it doesn't sound like that smdndnd
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Cabur
Summary: Twelve years ago the animal representing your soulmate appeared in your home. You finally get to meet him when his battalion arrives to help defend your planet from the droid army.
Pairing: Commander Wolffe x reader Soulmate AU
Warnings: NSFW, smut, unprotected sex, oral, fingering, injuries, brief mention of animal injury but it's not serious, a bit of angst, reader is a BAMF but it doesn't really get shown cause I'm garbage at action scenes, some mentioned PTSD at the end.
A/N: Sooooo this may be my sign to stick to only writing for the Bad Batch boys cause this is garbage. Turns out I'm not good at writing other clones. Also I wrote the smut before eating breakfast so if it's entirely indecipherable please forgive me.
Also Mide is pronounced Mee-deh.
MASTERLIST
It’s become a sort of legend within the GAR.
The clone who rides into battle on the back of a Nexu.
It’s a bit ridiculous. He doesn’t ride the Nexu. But, they are never far from each other.
No one ever dares to ask.
Most of them already know.
The others are too scared.
The only one that had asked was the General, which was forgiven since he probably didn’t expect his second in command to be closely trailed by a Nexu when they met for the first time.
His soulmate link, Wolffe had explained to his General. One of the rarest, where each soulmate is accompanied by the animal that represents their soulmate. The Kaminoans had been rather shocked when shortly after he was taken from his growth chamber, a fully grown Nexu appeared in the room. The feline had been entirely tame, until the Kaminoans had tried to separate them because clones were not allowed to pursue their soulmates due to some of the early clones deserting for their soulmates.
Separation hadn’t worked, as the Nexu proceeded to rampage through the halls of Tipoca City until she was reunited with Wolffe. Only Wolffe could seem to control her, and so the Kaminoans begrudgingly allowed the Nexu to stay.
She learned quickly, coming to Wolffe’s defense even during training. It didn’t take long for Wolffe to teach her how to fight, and how to take down droids. She never hesitated, even after the war started, fearlessly following him into even the ugliest battles.
He had spent much of his free time thinking about his soulmate. They’re obviously a fierce fighter, given the predatory nature of Nexu. Strong and brave. He often wondered what kind of animal they have that represents him.
***
The last thing you had been expecting twelve years ago was a loth-wolf pup to show up in the middle of your home.
It had appeared out of nowhere, startling both you and your parents. You hadn’t known what it was at first, until a quick search had directed you to the supposedly extinct loth-wolf. Why it had appeared suddenly in your home...that was another quick search.
Your soulmate link.
You had always wondered what it might be, seeing as you had no mark or strange dreams, or any of the other typical links between soulmates. Developing this late, though, was confusing. You didn’t think much about it, though. Fate was not something to question. Everything would make sense eventually. Your people believed that fate drove every decision, every event in your life. Everything happens for a reason, all directed by fate’s design.
Already twice the size of a tooka, the pup grew quickly, outgrowing your parents hut. It grew big enough to ride within a couple years and you often did. When you moved into your own hut, you built it big enough to fit you and your wolf comfortably.
You often wondered about your soulmate. Who they are, what they’re doing, what kind of animal they have. You wonder how you’ll meet. Will they come here? Your people don’t leave your planet often. Aside from the few who show great prowess for politics and get sent to represent you in the senate, not many else leave. Your people prefer simple, quiet lives. Though you have technology, most of your food is grown or hunted, and your medicine is a practice that’s been passed down for generations.
You had thought perhaps you were meant to leave, that you would meet your soulmate somewhere else. Your strength, however, was not in politics. You were a natural fighter. So instead you stayed on the planet, defending your village and hunting to provide food. Maybe you weren’t meant to find your soulmate elsewhere. Perhaps your soulmate was in one of the other villages.
You think that, until the war starts.
Your planet is mostly untouched for two years. There was no strategic reasoning to invade your planet, other than simply being part of the Republic. It keeps your planet untouched, at least until the Separatists begin to get desperate.
Word reaches you one morning of a droid army approaching one of the neighboring villages. It had landed two days ago and it was slowly burning its way through village after village. They had already reached out to the Republic for assistance, but they were already stretched as it was.
You don’t give up hope.
You’re right not to.
Two days after the message had been sent, they arrived. The roar of gunships is loud as troops drop in at the next village over from yours. You were already there, preparing defenses for when the inevitable attack began. They’d already burned through the village to the North. You had scouted over the hill earlier, and had spotted the dust cloud kicked up by the army’s movements. Fighters from surrounding villages have gathered, but it’s not nearly enough.
The clones arrive like a blessing from the Maker.
You’re glad to see them, even if some of them stare and whisper as you pass. You know they’re not staring at you. They’re staring at your wolf. Loth-wolves are supposed to be extinct, so actually seeing one would be a bit shocking. Even more so, seeing one outside of Lothal.
You had been called to the village leader’s hut, which was being used for battle planning. The village leader had chosen you as her second in command, since you were one of the best fighters. You were also one of the few still alive that had seen battle before.
Not every village on the planet was as interested in peace as the others. One such village had decided to attack a neighboring village out of nothing but greed shortly before the galactic war started. Fighters from across the planet had been called to aid in the fight, and you had been one of them. The most battle you’d seen back then had been on hunting trips. Though you were skilled, you’d never actually fought before.
It had been terrifying, but you had quickly proved your skills and your ability to stay calm under pressure. You had made a name for yourself, and had carried that still to this day.
Most of the more experienced fighters had been sent ahead to try and aid other villages, but it had been fruitless. The droid army had wiped out both the fighters, and some innocent villagers caught in the crossfire.
This village had been evacuated, and it was going to be the last stand against the droid army. If they couldn’t be defeated, then the planet was lost. The arrival of the clones to aid you had renewed hope in the possibility of securing your planet and its safety once more. There would be a lot to do, a lot to rebuild after, but now there was hope you would get to do so.
You make your way towards the hut, your wolf running ahead. It’s strange, usually he never left your side unless you told him to. He had been acting strangely all day. You had blamed it on the nervous energy in the village, and the approaching army. Everyone had been a bit on edge, and being an animal, he could likely pick up on it more than anyone.
You hear a commotion as you approach the hut, finding your wolf cornering one of the clones. Your eyes widen, thinking the worst, and you hurry over. Some of the clones are laughing by the time you reach them, and you realize your wolf is licking this clone.
“Mide,” You pull on the fur at his neck to try and get him to stop. His tail is wagging, creating a breeze behind him. “Mide, stop.”
The hair at the back of your neck stands straight, a loud growl reaching your ears. You turn, eyes widening as you stare into four red eyes and a wide mouth full of sharp fangs.
You scramble back, the Nexu following you. You’ve never seen one in person before, only read about them. They’re not native to this planet, so how did this one get here? And why doesn’t anyone else seem afraid of it?
“Cabur.” The stern voice of the clone reaches your ears. “Cabur, stand down.”
The Nexu doesn’t respond, crouching as it prepares to pounce. Do you run? You can’t outrun a Nexu. Why isn’t anyone trying to help? Why isn’t Mide helping?
The Nexu pounces, knocking you off your feet. You close your eyes, preparing for those teeth to sink into your skin, rip away at your flesh until you bleed out.
Something wet and rough drags across your skin from your shoulder to the top of your head. Your eyes snap open in surprise. Is the Nexu...licking you?
It licks you again, leaving a wet, gooey trail along your skin.
“Easy, girl.” The clone pets its head, trying to nudge it back.
It steps back reluctantly, its own tail swishing back and forth as it watches you. A hand appears in your line of sight and you take it, the clone hauling you to your feet easily. You brush the dirt off, wiping the Nexu spit from your face.
“Sorry about her.” The clone says. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her today.”
“It’s alright. Mide has been weird all day too. He’s never run away from me like that before.” You stare up at him, taking in his face.
His face is stern, pinched a bit in focus. There’s a scar stretching from his forehead to his cheek, his eye having been replaced with a cybernetic one. He’s handsome, as you assume all the clones would be.
“Is she yours?” You ask, breaking the silence between you.
“It’s my soulmate link.” He says. “I’ve had her since I came out of my growth chamber.”
“Oh.” You say, blinking in surprise. “Mide’s also my soulmate link. Appeared about twelve years ago.”
“Really.” He says, giving you a strange look.
Before you can continue the conversation, the village leader and who you assume is the Jedi General approach you.
“I see you two have already met.” The Kel Dor says.
You glance at the clone for a moment as the village leader introduces you to General Plo Koon and Commander Wolffe.
“Come,” The General says. “We have much to discuss, and little time to do so.”
***
“What’s her name?” You ask as you and Commander Wolffe make your way into position. His Nexu is walking beside you, trotting along happily. Mide is walking beside Wolffe, looking perfectly content.
“Cabur.” Wolffe answers. “It’s Mando’a. It means guardian or protector.”
“Fitting name.” You say.
“She’s saved my life a few times.” He pats Mide’s side. “What about him?”
“Mide. He’s a mythical warrior who protected our people. He rode to war with the sigil of a wolf on his helmet.”
The corner of Wolffe’s mouth lifts. “Aptly named.”
You both stop, having reached the point you have to go separate ways. You mount Mide, looking down at Wolffe. “See you when the battle’s done?”
Wolffe nods, patting Mide’s neck. “Take care of her.”
Mide huffs out a breath, nodding his head just slightly as if agreeing. He would, even without having to be asked.
You know. Even without having to say anything you know. Just Mide’s reaction was enough to tell you. The link is so rare, and to have someone else with the same link suddenly appear on your planet like this...
It’s not just a coincidence.
Mide runs to your position, and you watch as the cloud of dust that the droid army was kicking up gets closer and closer, flashes of blue and red gradually disappearing as dust envelops the valley.
***
You’re covered in dirt, but you’re alive.
With the help of the clones, you had stopped the droid army from advancing much further, protecting the village. It had been a long battle, lasting into the night. The stars are out by the time you return to the village, weary after a long battle unlike any you’ve ever been in.
No squabble between villages will ever compare to that.
You had seen Wolffe shortly after your return to the village, nothing more than a passing glance across the fire as you’d helped both injured villagers and troopers. You’re both alive, you’re both alright. You had spotted Cabur slinking around the village, unharmed due to her training in fighting droids. Mide’s white fur is streaked with dirt, his feet and nose scratched from the droids, but he’s otherwise uninjured.
You’ll give him a big, juicy cut of meat later.
You’re cleaning the cut on his nose when you hear the footsteps approaching. Mide’s head lifts, ears perking and tail wagging as he sees who it is. Something brushes against your side, Cabur purring as she makes herself comfortable next to Mide. Wolffe approaches you, and you take a moment to look him over. His armor is streaked with dirt, but he’s otherwise uninjured.
“Good to see you.” You say, smiling softly.
He steps right up to you, gloved fingers grazing over the bandage wrapped around your arm.
“It’s just a scratch.” You say, skin tingling as his fingers continue to trail down your arm before dropping back to his side. “We’re not used to fighting droids.”
“You’re, uh...quite the fighter.” He says. “I think a Nexu was the perfect choice.”
Your cheeks warm a bit. You think the ferocious Nexu might be a bit of an exaggeration. It’s a compliment, though, that he thinks your skills are worthy of that representation. The loth-wolf is the perfect representation of him. He has the same dangerous gaze as Mide, the same fierce loyalty. The stern and serious battle-ready commander.
“Us clones...it’s forbidden for us to initiate the soulmate bond.” He says.
Your stomach clenches a bit at his words. You hadn’t even thought...you hadn’t even considered. You hadn’t had time to. Everything had been happening so quickly. You had never given consideration to the idea that your soulmate might not want you. Much less that he might have to reject you. All those daydreams, all those thoughts about what your life could be like with them...they’ve been nothing but fantasies and they might never be anything but.
“Most of us don’t agree.” He continues. “We all have an agreement not to say anything, not to report anything.”
“But...what if someone finds out?”
“We have to be careful so no one does.” He takes your hand, slipping something into it. “We’re preparing to leave. We already have our next orders.”
Your shoulders sink a bit. Of course they’re very busy. The war has been taking a turn. The attack against your planet is just proof of this. Having time with him right now is just another fantasy.
You walk with him to the gunships, taking your time as troopers load up around you. He turns, patting Mide on the nose as you reach one of the ships. Mide lets out a quiet whine, his ears falling.
You squat in front of Cabur, petting her head. “Take care of him, yeah?” She lets out a quiet sound, licking your cheek once more. You stand back up, facing Wolffe. “Come back? When the war’s over?”
He nods once and you stand up on your toes, kissing his cheek. He stares down at you long and hard for a moment before stepping away, sliding his helmet on. You watch as he boards the gunship, following it with your eyes as long as you can as it disappears into the sky.
You open your hand, looking down at what he’d slipped into it. A smile tugs at your lips as you stare at the item.
A comm device.
***
It’s been almost a year since the battle, since you met your soulmate. You’ve spoken as often as you can through the comm device, but for the last three months it’s been very quiet. You’ve gone stretches without speaking, but never this long.
You try not to worry.
The war had ended three months ago, around the time you had seemingly lost contact. You suppose with the restructuring of the Republic into the Empire and the sudden end to the war, things have gotten complicated for the clones. It could just be he hasn’t had a good time to step aside and secretly contact you. Despite your attempted reasoning, you can’t help but feel nervous about the sudden silence.
You’ve been keeping yourself busy helping the survivors from the destroyed villages resettle with other villages. While the army had been destroyed, the valley had become a wasteland of destroyed droids and the remnants from the battle. New huts were built and families integrated peacefully into new villages. The Senate had sent some relief, but it could only do so much. Homes could be rebuilt and crops replanted, but lives couldn’t be replaced.
You’ve buried far too many dead.
You try not to think your soulmate may be one of them.
He’s not. You know he’s not. You would have felt it. Mide would have died with him. Still, the thought haunts you. How easily he could be taken from you, and you barely got to know him.
Fate will make it work in the end. You try to remind yourself of that.
***
You’re out hunting when it happens.
Nearly four months since the end of the war, a year since you met your soulmate. You had been scouting the hills when you’d heard it. You’d moved your binocs to the sky, watching as a starfighter streaked across the sky like a smoking comet straight towards the trees just a few meters away.
The crash is loud, the trees shaking with the impact. Mide immediately takes off, darting into the trees. It’s not like him, still always sticking close to your side.
“Mide!” You call, immediately running after him.
Your heart is pounding in your chest. It couldn’t be...could it? You hadn’t seen any identifying markers on the ship, the smoke too dense around it to see. It could be anyone, or anything.
If it wasn’t, Mide wouldn’t have run off like that.
You duck into the undergrowth, following the path broken by your wolf. You freeze instinctively as a low growl reaches your ears. You know that growl.
Your breath catches in your throat. “Cabur?”
The Nexu steps out of the bushes, tail swishing as she looks at you. It’s her. You know it. You drop to a knee, patting her head as she greets you.
It’s him. It’s really him.
Mide breaks through the bushes, dragging a limp body with his teeth. He drags the body over to you, letting him go gently. Wolffe’s body lays limp on the ground. There’s charred marks on his armor, likely from the crash. You push him over onto his back, staring down at his helmet. You trace the markings with your fingers, the same markings you remember.
A sob threatens to tear from your lips as you slip your fingers under the edge of his helmet, tugging it off. You cup the back of his head, lowering it gently to the ground.
He’s unconscious but still breathing.
Mide lays next to Wolffe, looking at you sadly. Cabur nudges his foot, letting out a quiet whine. He’s injured, likely worse than it looks if he crashed a starfighter. You need to get him back to the village, and soon.
You’re sweating by the time you maneuver him onto Mide’s back, climbing on behind him. You hold him as Mide runs through the trees and back up the hill towards the village. Cabur keeps pace easily, miraculously mostly uninjured from the crash.
You guide Mide into your hut, easing Wolffe off his back and onto your bed. You begin the tedious process of removing his armor, figuring out how to get each piece off and carefully stacking it in the corner. You peel the body glove off next, revealing his chest covered in bruises.
You head to your kitchen, grabbing herbs and a bowl, beginning to mash them into a paste as you’ve done a hundred times. You mix a tonic as well, moving back to his side before spreading the mixture across his chest, making sure to cover each bruise. You place bandages over each spot, letting the herbs do their work. You cup his neck, lifting his head a bit to help him drink the tonic. You can feel it, the pulsing energy from where your fingers are pressed against the skin of his neck.
He’s really here, right in front of you. Crashed right out of the sky, practically into your lap.
Mide curls up on his blanket, Cabur making herself comfortable beside him. You sit by Wolffe’s side, tending to him as you let the medicine work its way through his body. You only leave to make dinner and feed the animals before you’re sitting back at his side.
You grab his pauldron, tracing the image of the wolf with your fingers. The grey paint around the edges is slightly worn, more than it had been the last time you’d seen him. It’s hard to believe he’s really here. After four months of nothing, no sign that he’s alive and alright, no word on what’s happening aside from what was broadcasted on the news...four months of thinking the worst.
You trace his face with your fingers, allowing yourself to feel him. He’s really here. He’s real.
You stay by his side through the night, changing out the herbs as they dry. You nap a few times, trusting the animals to alert you if something happens.
He begins to stir around sunrise. You’d been checking his wounds, already mostly healed. You put a gentle hand on his shoulder as he shifts, his eyes cracking open.
“It’s alright.” You say, tracing gentle circles on his skin with your thumb. “You’re safe.”
He breathes your name like a prayer, his eyes slipping closed for a moment as he relaxes.
“I’m here.” You whisper, sliding your hand up to cup his cheek. “I’ve got you.”
“I said I would.” He murmurs, turning his head to kiss your palm. “I said I’d come back.”
You shush him gently. “And you have.”
You get him sitting up, leaning against the wall. You feed him some soup after both Mide and Cabur greet him happily. He tells you about everything that happened since the war ended. He tells you about the Jedi and the inhibitor chips, deserting the Empire and getting his chip removed. He tells you about his fight to get here, and almost not making it.
You try not to think about it, relishing in the face he did make it. He is sitting here with you. You can see the pain in his eyes, the guilt. You can practically feel the sadness radiating from him. Your heart aches for him. He’s lost so much, and so much has changed so quickly. You can’t even imagine what it must have been like. What it must feel like for him.
You hold him, wrapping yourself around him. His bruises are almost completely healed, his strength returning as he holds you, his face pressed against your chest. Cabur creeps her way over, stretching herself out across your laps. Wolffe chuckles, patting her head. You tangle a hand on her fur, holding Wolffe with the other.
***
Wolffe settles into life in the village easily. He’s welcomed, not only as your soulmate, but also as a hero who helped save many lives. He accompanies you on hunts, learning as much about your culture as he can.
You settle into life with him easily too, adjusting to his presence like he’s been there the whole time. You’re glad your hut is on the edge of the village, as you’re both also rather insatiable. You have a year to make up for. A year of yearning and longing to make up for.
And you certainly do.
A body presses against yours as you finish loading the dishes in the sanitizer. You can feel him, every bit of his body through his thin shirt and soft pants. He’s softened a bit from the hardened soldier that had crash landed back into your life. You won’t complain. After the things you’ve heard, you’re happy he’s finally healthy and well taken care of.
You can also feel how hard he is against your ass.
His arms snake around your waist as you toss the dish towel on the counter. His lips trail up your neck, dragging along the soft skin.
“Miss me that much?” You ask, pressing back against him teasingly.
“Always.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss below your ear.
One of his hands snakes under your shirt, slowly sliding up your stomach, straight towards your breasts. You’re glad you ditched your breastband earlier as his warm hand cups your breast. He hums against your neck in approval, skilled fingers plucking at your nipple as he paints your skin with marks from his teeth.
“Wolffe,” You sigh his name as he switches breasts, giving the other one equal attention.
His other hand slips down your stomach, dipping into your pants. You’ve been wet in anticipation since his arms wrapped around you, his fingers gliding through your slick folds. Your legs tremble as he slowly circles your clit with the rough pads of his fingers.
“So wet for me, cyare.” He murmurs against your neck, slipping two of his fingers into you.
“Yes,” You breathe, tilting your head back against his shoulder. “Only for you.”
He growls quietly against your neck, pulling his hands free. He tugs your pants down before lifting you onto the kitchen counter. You pull your shirt over your head, tossing it to the floor. He tugs your hips closer to the edge, kneeling in front of you. Your fingers tangle in his hair, still kept in the regulation cut. He sometimes lets his stubble grow out, and you’re still trying to convince him to grow a beard just to see how it would look.
He licks a stripe up your clit, hands pressing against your thighs to keep them open for him. His tongue swirls around your clit, his eyes lifted to stare at your face. Your lips part in a moan as he closes his mouth against your clit, sucking hard. Your free hand grips the edge of the counter, holding on as he eats you out.
Your first few times together had been awkward and fumbling as you tried to figure each other out. It had taken lots of practice, and many laughs, to learn each other’s bodies. What you like, what you don’t, what he likes. How to make him putty in your hands. He’s still just as stern and dominating as he had been as a commander, but you know deep down he sometimes needs someone else to take control, someone else to give the orders. Someone he trusts.
Your legs are shaking around his head, your own head thrown back in pleasure as he brings you closer and closer to the edge. The noises are absolutely obscene as he slurps at your drenched pussy like he’s gone days without water.
He pulls away before you can cum, making you whine in protest.
His chin is slick with your juices, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. You reach forward, yanking his shirt over his head. Your fingers trail along the soft curves of his body, lips pressing kisses against his skin. His hands undo his pants, letting them drop to the floor.
You bite your lip, your hand wrapping around his hard length. His hands drop to your thighs, resting there as you pump him. You meet his gaze, staring into his eyes as you guide him forward and into your heat. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him all the way in. A moan tumbles from your lips at the stretch, your arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold him as close as you possibly can.
His arms wrap around your back, lips pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. You both breathe for a moment, enjoying being so close, so connected to each other. You bury your face in his neck, breathing in the scent of him. Musky and sweaty from being out in the warmth of the day working.
He adjusts his grip on you, holding you up as he begins to move. You meet his thrusts, tilting your head up to kiss him. It’s slow and soft, quiet moans passing between your lips. You hold onto him like you’re afraid he might disappear if you let go, like you might suddenly wake and find this has all been a dream.
His own fingers indent your skin, sharing your same fears. You know he’s here, you know it’s real, and he knows it’s real, but still, neither of you can forget the year you had been separated, the many times he could have died, the many times he could have been ripped from you.
“‘M close.” You murmur against his lips, nails breaking the skin of his shoulders.
“Gonna cum for me?” He growls, snapping his hips into yours. “Show me how pretty you look when you cum?”
Your head falls back, lips parted as you cum around his cock, moaning loudly. He watches you, memorizing your face. He’ll never forget it, but he commits it to memory every time.
A few more thrusts and he’s cumming with a growl, snapping his hips into yours a final time as he releases inside of you. You hold him against you, both of you riding out your highs together.
His hold around you is tight, clinging to you. You’re both breathing heavily, breaths mingling as he presses his forehead against yours. Your hands gently rub his shoulders, working your way up his neck and into his hair.
“You’re right here.” You whisper, lips brushing his. “I’m right here.”
He exhales shakily, fingers tightening their grip just slightly.
You press a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ve got you.”
@stressed-cherry, @6oceansofmoons, @ladytano420 @spicy-clones, @dangraccoon, @bobaprint, @star-trekker-0013, @stunkbiggu
#star wars#star wars fic#clone wars#clone wars fic#commander wolffe x reader#clones#clone trooper wolffe x reader
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I hate hate HATE that they took ‘break in a glove’ out of the DEH movie and changed Connor’s dad into his step dad. I also hate that people always undermine that song and ‘the pants song’ from BMC to “the parent song”. Because they’re 1000% more than that.
Break in a glove is there to prove that Connors parents were there for him. That they Tried. That his father, the parental role that is the most common to not care and neglect, was there and tried. And I feel like getting rid of it and changing him to Connor’s step dad, kinda removed a big part of the story.
And on the BMC side of things. I really hope that if they make a movie, that they won’t do the same thing. Because I feel like the pants song shows that Jeremy’s dad, even though he wasn’t the greatest and wasn’t there when Jeremy needed a dad most, is ready to be there for him now. He’s ready to change and finally be the dad Jeremy needs.
I jst feel like these songs are important. Because yeah they may not progress the story much. But they give a BIG insight to the characters life and it shows that the parents are/were trying.
And also on a kinda unrelated note, can people stop hating ‘break in a glove’ in general. Becuz it’s honestly a great song. And I’m not even talking meaning, it’s jst all around a great song and I will always turn that shit up when it comes on.
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Headcanon Human Names for Obey Me Cast + Their Name Meanings pt. 2
a.k.a. Human names the rest of the demons would use if they lived in the Human World because having demon names for humans is kind of a no-no religion wise. Part 1 is about the brothers, this is for the rest of the cast.
The angels and Solomon won't be included in this because their names are existing human names already
PART 1 || PART 2
Note: This is for fun and not with the intention of starting controversy of religion
1. Diavolo - Immanuel / Noel or Deangelo
1.a. Immanuel - God is with us
Okay...hear me out...I'm imagining a scenario where Dia asked MC or Barbatos a list of human names with meanings and to really blend in to human society and hide that he's a demon, I imagine Dia would choose this name to really say to everyone "I'm not a demon!"
Tbh I feel like this would be like an F you to the celestial realm but duck it In the bible, Immanuel it's the name of the son of God, so Dia is the demon lord soo...counterparts?
1.b. Deangelo - From the angel
Diavolo is demon in Italian. Deangelo is what I choose imo.
Same reason as the first one, Dia will use this name to blend in and to not be suspected as a demon. I really feel like he would use an angelic name as a human name.
Also, search some Italian names or mafia names for this cuz look at Dia's human world, for me it's screams Mafia so I have to search in that category. I was also thinking Dante but Deangelo seems nice cuz angels and it's similar to his nickname, Dia.
2. Barbatos - Alfred or Horacio
2.a. Alfred means elf or Counsel
I picked this for the sole reason and scenario where Levi and MC introduced Barbatos to the DC comics and Batman and mentioned Alfred the butler. Dia heard this and said to Barbatos... "You'll be Alfred." and Barbatos agreed.
2.b. Horacio means Timekeeper
For behind the meanings or if Barbatos would choose on his own, a name related to time seems ideal. He is a demon that controls time and space or whatever
Other:
Note: As much as I want to give Barbs the name Sebastian from Black Butler, I can't be biased lol... I was also thinking of Jade from Twisted Wonderland but nahh, it's too biased and meme-y.
3. Mephistopheles - Mortimer
Mortimer means Dead sea or stagnant
Idk it feels like he'll choose Mortimer. The name sounds fancy and sophisticated and Mephisto is really fancy.
I'm not used to the three new characters yet to fully give more names.
4.Thirteen - Juniper or Dulce
4.a. Juniper means Young or Creating Boundaries and standing on ground
This is just based on gut feeling but I feel like Thirteen is a kind of person to admit she's still young despite living a thousand years old.
I also like the meaning because I see creating boundaries as something that relates to being a grim reaper. Juniper means the tree of renewal and grim reapers are the soul's guides to either go to heaven or hell.
Grim Reapers remain on land but have access to both heaven and earth so it's very meaningful.
Juni's a cute nickname too.
4.b. Dulce means Sweets and Candy
I have a theory or a headcanon regarding Thirteen. Just like in the anime, "Bleach" that grim reapers are once humans who died but chosen to be reapers by fate.
The game said Thirteen has a sister named Candy and I imagined...their parents named their children that relates sweets and Thirteen also like sweets so if Thirteen has a human name before, I'd imagine it's Dulce.
Also from all the sweet meaning names, Dulce is the top choice because it kind of rhymes with Candy or Can-deh. It's cute to say "Candy and Dulce" are sisters.
#obey me#headcanon#obey me human names#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me mephistopheles#obey me thirteen
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Guys “Only Us” from DEH is the sokeefe song. It’s literally chapter 42 of stellarlune but as a song.
Click read more. Please. It’s perfect. I need you to see the vision
Plugging in Sophie’s name for Zoe and Keefe’s name for Evan, we’ve got:
[Sophie]
I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you
I don't need you to search for the proof that I should
You don't have to convince me
You don't have to be scared you're not enough
'Cause what we've got going is good
I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken
I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget
Clear the slate and start over
Try to quiet the noises in your head
We can't compete with all that
^sophie telling keefe she doesn’t care about the “complications” in chapter 42. She doesn’t want to keep thinking about everything that’s messed up and broken. She wants him to quiet his mind and focus on them (also “quiet the noises in your head” is such a telepath line? That’s totally something Sophie would say to a boy who she knows firsthand has an intense and busy mind!!)
So what if it's us?
What if it's us
And only us
And what came before won't count anymore or matter?
Can we try that?
What if it's you
And what if it's me
And what if that's all that we need it to be
And the rest of the world falls away?
What do you say?
^again. Sophie doesn’t care about the complications. In The Sokeefe Chapter, she wants it to be just them. That’s why she planned her confession and went to a romantic place with keefe free from interruptions (or well…. Big interruptions). Keefe is obviously worried about messing things up in that chapter and Sophie doesn’t care. She has no regrets. She just wants him.
[Keefe]
I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me
So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go
But if you really see me
If you like me for me and nothing else
Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know
^ it is for longer than Sophie could possibly know. He’s liked her forever and now she finally likes him back and he feels like he’s in a dream.
So it can be us
It can be us
And only us
And what came before won't count anymore or matter
We can try that
[Both]
It’s not so impossible
[Keefe]
Nobody else but the two of us here
[Both]
Cause you’re saying it’s possible
[Sophie]
We can just watch the whole word disappear
[Both]
Til you’re the only one I still know how to see
[Keefe]
It’s just you and me
[Sophie]
It'll be us
It'll be us
And only us
And what came before won't count anymore
[Both]
We can try that
You and me
And that’s all that we need it to be
And the rest of the world falls away
And the rest of the world falls away
The world falls away
The world falls away
And it’s only us
^it’s perfect for chapter 42. Because in DEH, when Evan and Zoe thing this song, it might be just them for the moment, but this actually happens right before everything starts falling apart, because it isn’t only them, not in their lives. Immediately after chapter 42, Sophie has to go face her cognate/ex and tell him the truth, and then they have to all go search for Elysian and Sophie has a strained relationship with her cognate. But in that one moment, it felt like just them, and it was perfect.
Guys.
This is the sokeefe chapter 42 song.
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sophie foster#sokeefe#chapter 42#team foster keefe#dear evan hansen
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Man I don’t think I’ll ever really get over how the movie adaptation kind of ruined how the general public views Dear Evan Hansen.
In the stage musical, the narrative actively portrays what Evan is doing as wrong. There are several instances where Evan will have one of his sweet/motivational moments with Alana or the Murphy family, the moment will be over, and we’re left with only Evan on stage and then the instrumental music will shift keys to remind us that “oh yeah, Evan is lying to a grieving family right now.”
In Act Two he starts to really act like an asshole to the people around him, he stops helping with the Connor Project because he’s got what he wanted, he’s dating Zoe. And it all culminates to Good For You where he is finally called out by the people he’s being horrible to, the consequences of his actions are catching up to him. And he finally finally admits to himself and everyone else that he was lying, he was projecting himself and his own issues onto this imaginary Connor. He fully realizes what he’s doing is wrong and comes clean about it.
And our sympathy for Evan as the audience stems from the fact that he is seventeen, and teenagers will sometimes do horrible things when they’re in a bad state mentally. We as the audience know Evan is wrong and we want him to realize he’s wrong as well, we want him to get help and grow from it.
But then the movie comes in and cuts all the songs and moments where Evan could possibly be condemned by the narrative. All the times Evan is an actual ass are either removed or heavily toned down. Disappear and Good For You are completely removed.
It doesn’t help that they have a 30 something year old man playing the part, our sympathy that mainly stems from him being a child is harder to lean into when we’re looking at a full grown adult. It feels less like the story is saying “look at this kid doing horrible stuff, don’t you want him to stop doing the horrible stuff and get some help?” And more like “look at poor little Evan :( don’t you feel bad for him? Everyone’s so mean to him for no reason :(”
So after all that, people who hadn’t interacted with the stage production and only saw the movie come away from it thinking the show is horrible because Evan was an awful person but the narrative seemed to want us to root for him.
And this isn’t to say that DEH is a perfect show by any means, a lot of the criticism for the movie can easily be leveled at the stage production. I just think the original intent of the show got lost in adaptation, and the show that was fairly well received on its Broadway debut is now widely regarded as just plain bad.
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wait wrol jeremy is canonically/intentionally autistic coded??? please elaborate what are his little autistic mannerisms tell me everything
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST FREAKING ASK I'VE EVER GOTTEN!!! HOLD INTO YOUR SOCKS CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO RAMBLE!!!!!!
So, First off, Jeremy (in the Broadway/Off-Broadway productions) IS autistic coded!! since Will Roland based his interpretation/acting for Jeremy on teenagers from a theater camp he attended, who where most (not to say all) autistic. Also, I can't possibly talk about Jeremy being autistic without mentioning this, in the first/original version of Be More Chill Pt.1 one of the SQUIP's line to Jeremy is literally "every lame characteristic, makes you come off as autistic" which they cut (for obvious reasons) but there, had to be mentioned!! So in conclusion, yes he IS autistic coded!! With that outta the way:
WHY WILL ROLAND'S JEREMY IS AUTISTIC CODED!
EYE CONTACT
- This one is the one I have the least to talk about, it's mentioned he has issues with eye contact in More Than Survive, "[...] Avoiding any eye contact at all"
ABNORMAL SPEECH
- OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS
- One of the biggest differences between Roland and Connolly Jeremy is how Will R Jeremy talks
- He has issues with Volume control, like how sometimes he's talking and he out of nowhere yells out a word or something and he seems to not notice? Also, he's the only character that talks louder than the rest normally (you have to differ this from stuff like how Michael screams the lines he says in More Than Survive while he's dancing, that's intentional, he's being goofy and having fun)
- Sometimes he talks too fast, like to the point he slurs his words, you can notice a couple or more of these throughout the show
- To finish off the speech thing, he talks in a really flat tone, you can tell not only by comparing his tone to other characters (like Jake for example) or if you compare the voice Will Roland does for Jeremy to the one he does for Jared in DEH, Jeremy's it's flatter
-I'm not too sure this is included in "Abnormal speech" for autism, but I felt like I had to mention that he does stutter/stammer (?) A lot throughout the whole show, it's even mention by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1 ("All your stammering's a chore" "Stammer?! No- no I don't stammer!")
- it's also suggested he speaks in a "weird" way when in Loser Geek Whatever he says "The please don't speak!" When referring to how he's perceived by his peers
SPECIAL INTEREST
- His special interest is clearly Superheroes and stuff of the sort (mainly from comics I'm pretty sure, but I don't know too much about superheroes) and he references them a lot of times and sees like most of his life and actions through more of a superhero/fiction sense
- The biggest example of him doing this is in More Than Survive (I'm gonna be mentioning MTS a lot here) when he says the line "If this was an apocalypse, I would not need any tips, on how to stay alive!"
- Also, I can even go into that one line even deeper, by this line he basically means that for him it'd be easier to survive in a zombie apocalypse rather than a high school, because an apocalypse has simple rules you need to follow to survive; getting food, not being biten by zombies... While to "survive" high school you need to do a whole bunch of stuff no one tells you you need to do; socialising, not having grades too high or too low, being cool, talking to people, making eye contact... Which are harder to him. This also means that he would know how to survive in a zombie apocalypse because of how much he plays Apocalypse of the Damned (most definitely part of his special interest)
- Also, here's some references/ties he makes between real life and fiction/superhero stuff:
"I like your sideburns, wolverine, right?"
"Like in X-Men?!"
- Not to mention one of his options for the SQUIP's settings was literally Batman
SOCIAL SKILLS
- I don't think I can give very specific examples here, but basically, the literal whole theme of the show is Jeremy not fitting in cause he's "socially awkward" and just generally "weird", you can mostly see it through how the SQUIP helps him socialize, the most clear example is maybe at the mall with Brooke and Chloe.
SARCASM, JOKES, METAPHORS ETC.
- Biggest one is in ILPR when Christine says "no this is where you meet for the swim team" when Jeremy asks about if you meet for Play Rehearsal there, and he takes the joke literally and starts to look around to make sure he's in the right place
- While Michael is talking about the Whole evolution thing, Jeremy is really confused, most probably because he doesn't understand why he's mentioning that as advice/metaphor?/an answer to his problems, then gets even more confused when he says "There's never been a better time in history to be a loser!"
- In Two-Player Game after Jeremy talks about getting the SQUIP and how it'll work and how it'll improve his life, Michael says "and if it does? Will you be too cool for... Video games??" He's clearly using that as an indirect way of saying he's afraid of losing him (which he actually does later on so that's fun!! /J) and Jeremy catches that but basically just completely ignores the metaphor thing and talks about it in a literal sense
RULES
- He mentions how he has some "rules" he follows to survive in More Than Survive (ofc it's in MTS) in the line "And so I follow my own rules, and I use them as my tools, to stay alive"
- This is not part of the musical, but it is in the book and I thought it was a good thing to mention here because it's pretty related, in the book he has these things called "Humiliation Sheets" they are papers he makes (and prints everyday, mind you) where he marks his social Humiliations, like when someone ignores him or laughs at him etc
MOTOR SKILLS
- Jeremy has like, pretty bad spacial awareness, like when he's Walking down the hallway In MS and he literally walks into half the people
- A really big example of it is in Be More Chill PT.2 when all of the people in the mall are flossing (as a whole thing because of the SQUIP) and Jeremy can't manage to get it right
STIMMING
- This is mentioned by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1, where it literally says "your tics and fidgets are persistent"
- Some of the ways he stims in:
1) The literal first line of the musical, when he says "c-c-c-c'mon c-c-c-c'mon go go!" that's a vocal stim, cause he's inpatient/nervous. (Also in I love play Rehearsal and voices in my head, maybe in some other moments too but idk rn)
2) Not to sure if this one counts as stimming, but he tends to hold onto things pretty tight (mostly through MTS) , like his sleeves or his backpack or Michael when Christine signs up
2.5) This closely relates to stim 2, but he also opens and closes his fists a lot, like clenching and unclenching them
(There's more but I can't remember all of them rn)
3) he moves his hands and rise and drops them a lot when he's upset and talking about what he's upset about, like in More Than Survive and Loser Geek Whatever, also, a lot of big gestures generally
4) At the Halloween party before (?) a guy that I'd kinda be into (Reprise) Christine asks "just say what's on your mind" and Jeremy basically makes a really weird noise which Christine goes along with, that's indeed vocal stimming!! They're stimming together how sweet is that!!
- This is not Jeremy related but I just wanted to mention it, Michael stims like A LOT, you can look at him in any scene and he will 99% surely be stimming in some way, specially in MITB (someone ask me about Michael being autistic so I can talk about that too pretty please /hj)
Can you tell I'm really into psychology and stuff?? This is basically my two fav interests combined, BMC AND PSYCHOLOGY YAYY!!!!
Btw feel free to talk about you own opinion/take on the whole thing, I'd be happy to know!! :D
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is the 'teen high-school musical' genre dead? haven't heard it being complained about for a while
genuine observations:
with the exception of a couple of non-equity tours currently underpaying their casts across north america, most current major productions of oft-complained about teen musicals are currently running in the uk as opposed to the us (see: new DEH tour, west end mean girls, paul taylor-mills' cockroach of a heathers production, upcoming lightning thief at the other palace) and british musical theatre discourse is just an altogether different sphere that doesn't really seem to focus as much on the artistic sanctity or lack thereof of like, be more chill or whatever
the musical theatre teens who are into shows people enjoy complaining about are all just hanging out on tiktok now so it's easy to miss them if that's not your niche
said musical theatre teens have also diversified beyond the teen high school musical genre and are now #poasting about things like six, ride the cyclone, various starkid offerings either in addition to or instead of the classic bmc/heathers/deh trifecta and adjacent shows. kind of like how hamilton was easily adopted into the teen high school musical fanbase's canon of adored works despite not being a teen high school musical because it had similarly catchy tunes and rife blorbofication potential
less serious answer: please be careful what you wish for because apparently ptm heathers is bound for an off-broadway transfer. and as soon as these things hit new york the discourse WILL start afresh
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intro post! ₊˚⊹ ࿔
hi, my name is amphi! :3 i go by he/him/any pronouns, and i’m looking 4 musical moots! i’ve had a love for theatre my entire life, actually! but my musicals fixation came back last year when i was in theatre, and during the peak of it, i watched the black suits and immediately fell in love with it :) (you wouldn’t believe this, but my favorite character is actually john! there’s just so much nato content that he’s my current blog theme ehehe)
some musicals i love are tbs, bmc, deh, hadestown, beetlejuice, lsoh, rtc… the list goes on and on T^T but my main fixations at the moment are tbs and bmc :) i would absolutely love to talk about any others though, so feel free to be my guest ehehe <3 non-theatre interests include gravity falls, minecraft (the game), anime, and more!
disclaimer: please know i am 18! i will not discuss nsfw topics with minors nor will i interact with anyone under 15 for comfort reasons :’) and on top of that, i am a college student, so please don’t pester me if i don’t reply, and please don’t worry when i go inactive for days on end because i promise it’s nothing personal (´∀`) i’m just so busy, it’s hard to keep up :[
and finally! please DNI if you are pr0ship/c0mship or ship squ1pjer please 🙏 i really hope to find some friends here <3 you all seem so cool!
i will be tagging as fandom for engagement but if it makes anyone uncomfortable i can always remove the tags :)
#looking for moots#looking for friends#be more chill#the black suits#ride the cyclone#musicals#theatre
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okay don giovanni review from last night. under the cut bc it's me. tldr the vocal performances were great, leporello carried the show, one of the most insane productions i've seen thus far but somehow in a new bizarre direction from normal. good snacks.
first of all i don't care how much wine you offer i think it's kind of ridiculous to charge $165 for a base ticket price for a performance that 1. isn't even in a concert hall or theater 2. is a concert performance rather than a staged performance (which was not advertised ahead of time) and 3. was not even a full production because they made the absolutely mind boggling decision to cut 100% of the recitative and replace it with Some Guy sitting on the stage narrating the plot between every 1-3 numbers
i did not pay that much gd bless. the student ticket was way cheaper.
the narration wasn't even good it was weirdly ungenerous to the women (like how do you even make elvira out be a "women, amirite" thing and also vaguely imply anna was into it in a production with zero acting? well they figured something out) and i don't think it even explained well enough what happens between each number to truly give a first time watcher a good idea of what's actually going on. not to mention that it absolutely kills any sense of momentum in the plot and makes the entire show drag like hell, because you have to wait between every single aria for either Some Guy to talk at you for three minutes straight, or wait awkwardly while people onstage walk off and people offstage walk on. it was so painfully clunky
they had a piano up there but since there was no recit it's not like she was accompanying much of anything. in practice what it ended up being used for was 1. the mandolin part for deh vieni (acceptable in the absence of a mandolin player; they were working with a limited chamber ensemble of musicians so i get it) 2. the party music at the end of act i (egregious fault imo because it absolutely kills the vibe of the scene and completely obfuscates the way the music is supposed to be adding to the tension and chaos with its different instrumental groups playing in different meters)
and 3. used to give singers their notes when the vocal line of their arias start on beat 1 measure 1, which they otherwise would have been able to get from the preceding recits (which is imo painfully amateurish for an ostensibly professional production)
all the numbers in act i were there although the narration was so bad i got jumpscared by fin ch'han dal vino because i forgot it was supposed to be there and thought we had skipped over that point in the plot. act ii had some really bizarre additional cuts made, notably they just entirely skipped over meta di voi and vedrai carino. it was like masetto and zerlina fuck off for the entirety of act ii save for, like, mille torbidi (they VERY briefly mentioned masetto getting beat up in the narration and i don't think they mentioned vedrai carino at all, they just skipped straight from deh vieni to sola sola. and also there was a painful awkward pause before deh vieni because i think the pianist forgot she was supposed to play there and the narrator jumped ahead to the next chunk of plot explanation too early). kept both dalla and tesoro (i'm fine with this ottavio was quite good though could've used a bit of ornamentation imo), kept mi tradi, kept non mi dir (more on that in a bit). no per queste which is probably a good thing not only for the show itself but also my head would have absolutely and irreversibly exploded if they had, probably
the whole thing kind of felt underrehearsed. like a quarter of the time it seemed like people didn't know what they were doing or had to be reminded where to be at that point in the show. and there were a few moments throughout where the orchestra struggled to keep up with the singers, but i really don't think they had much time to rehearse together, honestly.
and then, to my utter shock, the finale was actually really good?? like. insane compared to the rest of the show thus far. though it helps that 1. i absolutely love the harmonieband arrangements of cosa rara/i litiganti/non piu andrai, after possibly the draggiest non mi dir i've yet experienced it was like a breath of fresh air to hear that (and non mi dir was actually well performed i liked this anna but considering how much the Entire Show was dragging, the fact that they cut meta di voi and vedrai carino, AND the fact that they promised this act would be short, it felt crazy to me to keep it at that point.)
2. leporello and the don were by far the best performers of the night. so much so that i sought them out during the post show reception to tell them how great they were and enjoyed their performance. which i usually do not do, but in this like, high school recital ass production value. unbelievable relief that the final scene is dominated by the two actors in the show who most remembered that they can, and in fact Should, be acting. so much more movement and physicality and expression from those two compared to most everyone else. leporello especially, his actor apparently specializes in comedic bass roles and it shows, he was the standout all night
and 3. for the first time in the entire production they made an interesting decision regarding the physical space and staging! they had the commendatore sing from up on a balcony overlooking the audience in the foyer. the bar admittedly was set very low in the previous act and a half but the finale reminded me that i actually like this show again which is appreciated
though they then threw another curveball at me by Cutting the sextet at the end. which like didn't even piss me off at that point i was just baffled. like the don sinks down in agony and leporello sinks down whimpering in fear and the orchestra cuts off. and i'm expecting an awkward pause while they quietly get up and shuffle off so the rest of the cast can come back but nope. big orange title slate appears on the big screen behind them and the audience breaks into a roaring applause and the announcement of the wine and dessert reception. felt like i was in a fever dream
i will say the desserts were very nearly almost worth the bullshit that was the preceding show. they were so good. thank you austria for your dedication to pastry. and because i don't drink and couldn't appreciate the free wine offered i had to indulge in my own manner. spread contained chocolate oat bites (tasted as much like espresso powder as chocolate and coated in coconut, 4/10), almond sponge cake (classic, 7/10), cardamom apple bread pudding with caramel cream (not enough cardamom but otherwise very tasty and autumnal, 8.5/10) and honey cake (11/10. i don't know how they made this so good. i want more right now so much). i take both my mozart opera and my desserts very seriously.
anyway overall the production was. i would say frustrating. the singing quality was Really Good (leporello was the clear standout, probably followed by the don though i prefer my dons with a lighter voice but technically he was very good, then probably ottavio, then maybe masetto or anna. the commendatore was great but he's in it so little it's hard to compare)
i just wish they could have, like, actually done a full production. it would have been so great if they had gotten to tell the actual story and had been fully allowed to act. when there Was acting were the best moments of the show, and it's really unsurprising that most of that came from leporello, the absolute legend.
#no one respects a galant recit anymore. smh#sasha speaks#sasha reviews#don giovanni#opera tag#Really weird production. seemed designed to piss me off specifically in many aspects#frustrating in others because it DID have a lot of (mostly and regrettably squandered) promise that shone through in moments#but the singing was good. when there Was acting that was good. the desserts were good. the narration was dogshit i hate that so much#could not have fathomed producing a performance with a narrator replacing a recit#ZERO clue how they plan on applying that model to fanciulla later in the season.#if they do at all but it seems like a Thing for this company maybe? idk#don't know if i'll go see their carmen next spring. maybe it depends on my schedule#i think carmen might suffer a little less from the narration treatment comparatively since it can already be done with dialogue#as opposed to recit#idek how you'd do a puccini like that though. unless you just completely disregard narrative flow and comprehension#which honestly maybe they do. at least the flow part. including narration feels like they WANT comprehension (even if they do it poorly)#but don't seem to care about the flow considering how it butchered one of the best operas in the repertoire so far.#seriously if you just do what's written on the page for dg you have a slam dunk. and they deliberately chose not to. baffling#anyway carmen is at the french embassy next spring so maybe i just go to practice my french.#and see if they compete with austria for their refreshment spread.#and yes i realize now that part of the high ticket price is meant to cover the wine and desserts but i still think it's kind of ridiculous#okay done now bye.
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vent for a moment...
Hi guys how are you all? I hope you all good and fine over there..today..i..uh..want to..Vent with you all..about.. something that..i had trouble this late...
When i was on school as usual i studied with my classmate..and doing various thing that the teacher said..but when the lunch time had begin
I walk passed by on other students and then they suddenly began to whispering about..my apperance like "who is this girl?" "Yeah look at her face and even her appearance ewww..i didn't even wanted to look at her.." and other various thing
At first i ignoring it....but then..when i finishing my lunch i met them again and this time they said it once again i don't really remember what are they saying but something like this:
"eh lu denger GK dari cewek berhijab baru aja lewat tadi?
(translate:hey? Do you heard from the hijab girl that were just passed by?)
"iye emang kenapa Ama dia?
(translate:yeah? What's up with her?)
"katanya dia suka nonton kartun bocil deh hahaha! Aneh kan?"
(translate:i heard that she always love watching kids show hahaha ITS weird like?)
"hahaha iya betul itu aneh banget lagian dia kan sudah seumuran sama kita ngapain nonton kartun? Kayaknya tuh cewek udah gila deh! Hahahaha! Emang dia suka nonton kartun apa?"
(translate:hahaha yeah thats right that is so weird and beside she is same age as US and why she still watching cartoon maybe that girl is crazy hahaha anyway what cartoon that she watch?)
"katanya dia suka nonton itu tuh kartun Korea kalo GK salah namanya robocar poli hahaha aneh kan? Udah gede masih aja nonton kartun gituan udah muka jelek,aneh lagi hahahaha!
(translate:some say that she love watching Korean cartoon If I'm not mistaken its robocar poli hahaha pretty weird like? She is grown up like US and still even watching cartoon like that haha she even had ugly face on her and even weird hahahah!)
"hahaha betul itu kulitnya aja hitam tambah jelek lagilah hahaha!"
(translate:hahaha thats right! She even had black color on her skin making it even more uglier as hell hahaha!)
So..yeah thats why they said about me if IM not mistaken..well..my reaction to it?
Im feeling with mixed emotion..like..i wanted to cry..or angry but i couldn't do anything....when i explain everything that happened on me on my mom she is really pissed at them and then head to the school to had a very delicate conversation to the principal..and yeah..couple of days later they didn't bother me or saying anything about me anymore..for now..i..guest..
Why did they saying those thing to me just because..IM.. different? Ugly..?..my habit..?!?! Just why!??!! I..just..IM just really dissapointed..on them..i don't hate them but their word is Hurts my feelings..like..my skin? What is wrong with my skin? Just because its black!?! JUST BECAUSE IM DIFFERENT!??!!!!
so yeah..that is my story' about a bad day that i had lately on school..
Don't worry i felt better for now..at .least my mom and my friends always comforting me....and supported me and IM gratefull for that
But..for now..i kinda need a take break for a while but don't worry i Will post very soon so don't worry im fine IM just need a rest for a while...
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