#because rn I live in a household of people so even when kane is gone the hosue isn’t like void of other people
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some days I actually feel like I’m able to think clearly and am not as inconsolable as I thought
#whimsy whispers#but those aren’t very frequent#sometimes I can just accept things are they are and not feel as hurt by them and it’s nice#like don’t get me wrong the pain is always there it’s just quieter sometimes and I can drown it out with things that make me happy#but most days I’m just sad#unfortunately my moods are still dependent on the affection and attention of others#noticeably I’m happier when kane is here and worse off when they’re gone#I just don’t like function well if I’m alone/feel alone#it’s why no matter how much I want to leave the state and live elsewhere I probably never will because if I did that I’d be all alone#and idk if I can handle being legit alone#because rn I live in a household of people so even when kane is gone the hosue isn’t like void of other people#and I don’t think having a cat can like fill the role of having a human person who I feel wanted by#ofc I do still want a cat#idk#uhhh today has been nice I suppose?#I finished some art#I was silly with kane#as mentioned earlier I was able to talk to my irl like we use to lately (kinda?)#idk things aren’t great they’re not all that better but things are improving#but things tend to fall apart again despite my efforts so we’ll see how I feel this time next week#I could be in despair and wanting to die again in a weeks time
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