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marilynlamantia · 3 years ago

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How to Lose Stomach Fat Without Exercise or Dieting

Losing weight is an extremely popular fitness goal: over half of Americans list it as important to them. Many people consider their stomachs to be especially troublesome, and research shows that visceral fat (around the internal organs) is the most dangerous to your health. While you will not achieve major weight loss without diet and exercise, there are a few things you can do to slim your stomach line without heading to the gym or starving yourself.

Method 1

Mimicking Weight Loss Temporarily

Step 1

Try tummy-control garments. There have never been more options in the undergarment industry for clothing that tighten, firm, and shapes the midsection. Made mainstream by Spanx, tummy-control garments are available in many types for people of most sizes.

Women's undergarments include tummy-control pantyhose, panties, high-waisted shorts, bodysuits, camisoles, and tank tops made of Lycra, elastic, or some combination. Most mainstream undergarment brands for women carry control top styles, but the most popular include Spanx, Soma, and TC Shaping. Buy your normal size and expect it to run small.

There are many options for men, including Spanx or Sculptees brand tank tops for men that target the abdominals. These are essentially compression shirts that whittle the appearance of the midsection. While results will vary, these companies claim their products can reduce the midsection by 3 – 5 inches (7.6 – 12.7 cm).

Step 2

Take advantage of current trends in corseting and waist training. This method involves wearing a binding garment across the abdomen. If done in moderation, corseting can create a thinner silhouette without any other lifestyle changes.

Some celebrities swear by corseting as a weight loss mechanism, and although doctors say it won't actually help you lose fat cells, it can help you lose weight by cinching in your stomach as you eat so that you don't have as much room to overeat. In addition, the fat cell can expand or shrink, according to how much fat it is storing.

Be careful about wearing these too tight or too frequently. Because they can reduce your stomach capacity, you might vomit after eating even a normal-sized meal. They can also contribute to heartburn and compress your organs.

Purchase your corset at a store with a knowledgeable sales staff, who can help you fit it correctly and learn to lace it appropriately so that it is not too tight.

Step 3

Consider a body wrap. Body wraps are spa treatments that claim to detoxify and slim the midsection. With training, these can also be done at home. While the process can vary, most involve several steps and the application of several types of body products.

The aesthetician will start by massaging and applying a body scrub to your midsection, which will then be rinsed in a shower. The body scrub will contain a variety of herbs and minerals thought to cleanse the skin of impurities and reduce the appearance of fat or cellulite.

The body will then be rubbed with a lotion or oil containing other emollients and properties.

Next, the midsection will be securely wrapped in linen, plastic, or thermal sheets, and then an electric heated blanket will be used to warm the body for about 30 minutes, which will cause sweating. This step, in particular, is thought to remove impurities and reduce the appearance of fat.

After removing the blanket and wraps, the midsection will be massaged again to increase blood flow.

While this process is not supported for weight loss, many clients feel that it reduces the appearance of stomach fat and cellulite, especially with repeated treatments. Due to the sweating process (and loss of water weight), it is not uncommon for clients to experience a loss of a couple of inches, although this will be temporary.

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Step 4

Reduce your water weight. The body can retain water for various reasons, giving a bloated appearance, particularly around the waist. Reducing water weight will temporarily slim the waistline.

Hydrate. In many cases, water retention is the body's effort to prevent dehydration when you are not taking in enough water per day. This is especially true in hotter months. Be sure you are drinking at least eight 8-oz glasses of hydrating fluids a day (or 2 liters), which will help flush out your system and reduce bloating and puffiness.

Reduce your sodium intake. Excess salt causes the body to retain water. Processed foods and restaurant foods are the major sources of sodium for the average American. These foods account for about 75% of the sodium in the diet. You should consume no more than 1,500 mg of sodium per day, which is a little over 1/2 teaspoon of salt.

Reduce your alcohol and coffee consumption. These drinks are known to cause dehydration, which can cause water retention in the body (as the body struggles to hold onto whatever water it can).

Method 2

Changing Your Lifestyle

Step 5

Avoid swallowing air. This might seem like a strange suggestion, but swallowed air is one of the biggest causes of bloating, which contributes to a rounder midsection. Simply reducing the amount of air you swallow throughout the day can trim down your tummy measurements.

Avoid carbonated beverages, even those with zero calories like carbonated water. Beverages with air in them fill your abdomen with air, which causes a bloated appearance.

Avoid smoking. Smokers who inhale smoke also tend to swallow it, which bloats their stomachs.

Avoid chewing gum and talking while eating. Both of these habits lead to swallowed air.

Step 6

Practice good posture. Changing the way you carry yourself and sit won't make stomach fat disappear, but it will make you look slimmer by helping your body fat distribute properly across the torso rather than gathering at the midsection. Try to keep your upper body straight, your shoulders pulled back, and your head high.

When you sit, your buttocks should touch the back of your chair, and all three normal back curves should be present in your back (meaning a small towel or washcloth rolled up should fit above your buttocks)

When you stand, keep your shoulders back, pull in your stomach, and keep your feet about a hip-width apart.

If you're willing to do a little exercise, movements that strengthen your core and back can make it easier to maintain your posture while tightening up the muscles around your midsection. Try adding a few light crunches and easy back exercises to your schedule as you improve your posture.

Step 7

Get enough sleep. Sleeping doesn't burn fat on its own, but it is a crucial part of weight loss efforts. This is mainly because sleep deprivation (not getting enough sleep) makes most aspects of weight loss more difficult. When you aren't well-rested, it's hard to motivate yourself to get up and move. It's also hard to control cravings: you're more likely to act on impulses to eat junk food when you're already drained of energy

While everyone's sleep needs are different, the majority of adults need about seven to nine hours per night. Children and elderly people tend to need more.

Step 8

Find a fitness-positive support network. Surrounding yourself with people who are committed to healthy living can help you live healthier. Hanging out with health-conscious people gives you more opportunities to participate in activities that lead to weight loss. Make an effort to spend time with people who enjoy hobbies that promote healthy living, like walking, sports, cycling, nutritious home cooking, and so on. Limit your time with people who have unhealthy hobbies like eating junk food, binge drinking, and watching hour after hour of television.

If you don't have anyone in your family or circle of friends who is interested in health-conscious activities, don't be afraid to make new contacts. Join an intramural sports team or start participating in pickup games at your local park. Take a healthy cooking course or join a spin class at your local community center. There are many healthy ways to meet people — it's up to you!

Step 9

Start tracking your weight. Some nutrition experts suggest that having an accurate idea of your own weight can promote healthy living.[14] Keeping track of your weight forces you to think healthy — if the numbers on the scale start to go up, you'll know that it's time to reconsider your habits.

A person's weight can fluctuate by as much as 10 pounds from day to day. To get an accurate average, measure yourself at the same time every day (like right after you get up). At the end of the week, add up your measurements and divide by seven. The number you get will be close to your "true" average weight.

Why is it important to have good sitting posture when you're trying to minimize stomach fat?

Method 3

Changing Your Eating Habits

Step 10

Drink plenty of water. If you drink soda, sports drinks, flavored coffees with sugar and cream, or other high-calorie beverages throughout the day, try replacing them with water. You'll get the same level of hydration and fullness while cutting down on your calories. Keep it up and you can achieve mild weight loss without any extra effort.

The health benefits of water are well-documented. Drinking water energizes muscles, keeps skin looking healthy and clear, and provides a boost of energy. Best of all, it's zero-calorie, so you can drink as much as you want. See our tips on working water into your daily schedule for more great ideas.

Don't be fooled into swapping soda for fruit juice, which is full of calories. The process of juicing removes all the healthy fiber from fruit and leaves nothing but sugar behind. Stick with water or zero-calorie flavored waters for the most tummy-friendly hydration.

Step 11

Eat smaller meals more frequently. Instead of three large meals a day, try eating several smaller meals of a few hundred calories. This can reset your hunger cues so that you will know when you are actually hungry versus eating out of habit.

One convenient way to reduce your portion sizes is simply to use a smaller plate. Smaller plates can make the same amount of food appear larger due to something called the Delboeuf illusion.[18] You're essentially "tricking" your brain into being satisfied with less food.

Step 12

Measure out each serving of food. Don't trust your eyes to tell you how much to eat — instead, use your brain. With recent trends in commercial cuisine tending towards large portions, many people now have a distorted idea of what a normal portion of food looks like. Use measuring cups and the information on the "Nutrition Facts" section of your food's packaging to ensure you eat one serving at a time. You may even want to invest in a simple food scale.

Many common foods have serving sizes that are easy to visually memorize. A few common examples are below (you can view more here):

Vegetables and fruit: about the size of your fist

Meat, fish, or poultry: about the size of your palm (minus the fingers)

Cheese or fatty spreads: about the size of your thumb

Carbohydrates (rice, pasta, etc.): about the size of a cupcake wrapper

Step 13

Eat breakfast. Many Americans skip breakfast and then overcompensate for their resulting hunger by overeating at lunch and dinner.

Ensure that your breakfast contains at least one item from three food groups: dairy, fruit, and grains.

If you are on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet, you could have eggs and cheese. The important thing is that food intake in the morning actually gets your metabolism going, and you do not remain in the fasting state

A healthy breakfast for a 150-pound adult is about 300 – 400 calories.

Step 14

Make smart food choices. A healthy diet is more friendly to the waistline than a non-healthy one, even if the calorie content is the same. It's both possible and essential to still eat healthy when you're not dieting.

Eat fresh fruits and vegetables instead of processed snacks. Processed foods have added preservatives, artificial ingredients, and are often full of carbohydrates, sugar, and fat. Fresh foods give you more nutrition per calorie than processed, carbohydrate-heavy snack foods like chips or crackers. Processed foods also tend to contain more salt, which retains fluid and can lead to excess weight stored around the midsection.

Never snack directly out of the bag or carton. One study found that people given a large bucket of popcorn ate 44% more popcorn than those given smaller buckets. It's much easier to overeat when a large portion of food is in front of you. Instead, pour one serving of the snack into a bowl, then put the package away.

Step 15

Keep your portions under control when you eat away from home. Controlling portions at home when you sit down for a meal is often easier than at a restaurant, where portions sizes for one meal often contain the recommended calories for one person for an entire day, or at a friend's house, where you cannot control what goes into the meal. Luckily, there are a few things you can do to control your portion size in places where you don't have perfect control over your food:

Plan what you will order ahead of time. Many restaurants have websites with complete nutritional information for their menus, so you can make a smart choice before you even leave your house.

When you're at a restaurant, ask the waiter to bring a takeout container at the same time as your food. Measure out one portion, then put the rest in the container right away. You'll be less tempted to mindlessly continue eating as you talk with your companions.

When dining at another person's house, don't be afraid to ask for a small portion. This way you can clean your plate, instead of leaving a portion of food behind and potentially offending your host.

When shopping, pick individually-sized foods, rather than foods that come in large containers. For instance, instead of buying a carton of ice cream, pick up a package of popsicles or ice cream sandwiches.

Step 16

Switch to foods that leave you feeling fuller longer. When it comes to reducing your tummy line, it's not all about how much you eat, but also what you eat that counts. Certain foods give short "bursts" of energy and satisfaction, but leave you hungry before your next meal. Instead of these foods, focus on alternatives that offer long-term satisfaction.

Filling foods that offer longer periods of satisfaction include whole-grain bread, rice, and pasta, oats, nuts, water, lean meats and fish, eggs, green vegetables, beans, and legumes.

Non-filling foods include sodas, processed snack foods, "white" bread, rice, and pasta, candy, and starches.

Step 17

Eat slowly. When you eat quickly, you can swallow a surprising amount of food before you start to feel full and satisfied. On the other hand, eating slowly gives you plenty of time to feel full and stop eating before you've consumed more calories than you need. There is even evidence that this can promote the release of specific hormones that are responsible for the feeling of fullness in the brain.

Take time to eat your food. Concentrate on chewing each bite 10 – 20 times and take sips of water between each bite. Set the fork or spoon down between each bite. If you can, eat with someone else so you can pause to chat during your meal.

Try setting a timer for 20 – 30 minutes at the start of your meal. Pace yourself so that you don't take the last bite until the timer goes off.

When you finish your food, take a break from eating, even if you still feel a little hungry. Give your body a chance to register as having a full stomach, which can sometimes take a while. Only help yourself to seconds if you still feel hungry after another half an hour.

Step 18

Eat-in peaceful, quiet locations. Research suggests that eating in relaxing environments leads people to eat less overall. On the other hand, eating in loud, busy, chaotic environments can lead to over-eating. While the root cause isn't certain, this may be because these sorts of situations distract from feelings of fullness by creating mild anxiety.

One common cause for rushed, panicked eating is being late to school or work. Fixing this is a matter of adjusting your schedule. Consider getting up earlier so you have a chance to enjoy a relaxed breakfast before you leave.

Step 19

Record your meals. Merely keeping track of what you eat can be an enlightening experience. You may be surprised to learn that you normally eat more than you think you do. Try writing your meals and snacks in a notebook you carry with you every day. Be sure to note the number of servings you eat for each as well as the calorie content per serving.

There are also a variety of free websites and apps that make it convenient to keep track of your daily food choices.

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idjitlili · 4 years ago

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Don’t stop me now

Spike btvs x reader

Summary:Imagine looking like Freddie Mercury as a woman like in a 'I want to break free' with a hoover dancing only for an 100+ vampire to join in, unknowingly.

A/n: what can I say , I've been busy with college , and I'm British so we know spike is gonna know Queen too.

Word count: 3891 Y/c=country(or just a state in America I don't know, the whole world isn't America lol.

It was strange to say the least; working for wolfram & hart, you had came from y/c to here, working for a law firm run by a vampire with a soul.

Mental if you ask yourself , you had known Wesley when you was younger, actually he had brought you a ticket to Los Angeles , since your parental figure had called him , and let him know about everything really. Well just that you were now y/a , and in need of a job. That was it you were here now.

You weren't sure what your job was really , you definitely was not a social butterfly, Wesley had mentioned you had to crack codes? Now that you think about it , something to do with researching different demon rituals? That's not the correct word , anyways to do that had write summaries for Angel's upcoming meetings with these different species.

You ever had your own office, you could live in there honestly.

There was a lot going on all the time, frankly it was kinda scary , knowing no one apart from Wesley, who clearly knotted up by the scientist, Fred. Yet you was always invited to the important meetings , you had guessed Wes had put in a word , to help you feel welcome or included. There wasn't really a purpose for you being there.

You were a little nervous that maybe one of them, probably the vampire ,Angel , not knowing that the blond British man was one too, could read your mind. What would he find the that was terrifying (except you read dirty smut) . You were sat by Wes , at the end of the table closest to the window. Which also meant you were sat next to Angel, with the jelled blond bad boy opposite you.

"Okay, so cannibal vampire cult...what's with that, and why is that a problem?" Angel had began , with the same brooding face as , he had on 24 hours a day.

Gunn , had cleared his throat briefly, causing everyone to turn their heads towards him. "Well, it's quite simple, they are killing all our clients." Yeah this was waste of your life, you had already began doodling on the notepad in front of you. Unknowingly forgetting you were in an 'significant' meeting.

Not knowing how much time had gone by, felt like hours , freshly finished school and know you were here? Sucky. You were only jolted out of your thoughts when a foot had nudged yours, looking up slowly to the man in front of you , waiting for your reaction.

He was quite handsome you could not deny that, a small blush had raised to your cheeks , as he had caught you in a trance of boredom, you had lifted your eyebrows at him in confusion. With nothing but a smirk in response you had tried to listen again to the meeting.

"So you are saying we need bait? But who would we use? This whole place is monsters, " Fred's face with disgust at the word 'monsters' as she delivered her thoughts, Wes thought for a moment his hand at his lip, indicting so as he looked at the pine table.

"No,not necessarily," He had gestured to you , all eyes on you, feeling like a stripper, wow this is attention? Blush upon your face once again,"w-wha" choking on your own words ,before Angel had shook his head "Absolutely not, Wes, that's not fair."

"Yeah! I'm human too."

"And me, hey! So are you Wes."

"Uhhh, Mister Angel, " What else was you supposed to call him? Dad? He had looked at you from the disagreement, nodding for you to go on.

"S-say if I was, uh, what's the chances of me dying?" The pencil in your hands being gripped tightly in your now sweaty palms, but Angel is not given chance to reply. "He wouldn't allow that, love. Would you 'mister' Angel" the blond vampire smirk was evident as he looked at the brooding brunette.

"Hold on a second, why do they want a human, if they are cannibal?" Okay that did make sense, use your ears y/n.

"They can't just drink each other , they need something other than other vampires. That's only when they actually find one of ours." Yeah, you guess that the blond man did make sort of sense, you had just "hm" in response.

You had turned to Wesley, gesturing for him to come closer, so that you could whisper into his ear, the rest watched in confusion. Hold on Angel still didn't answer your question. "Uh, um, did you volunteer me because I'm a virgin? Does that make me more attractive to the vampires?" You had really hoped that no one had super hearing, Wes pondered for a second, your hand still on his shoulder.

"I'm not quite sure, I'm probably not the best person to ask , you should bring that up with Angel." Wow thank you , so much. You moved back into sitting in your chair correctly. Twiddling your thumbs, to pretend like no one was looking at you,felt like hours that you were sat there, before your foot was nudged again, you peeped up to see the same blond man looking at you. Who else is it going to be? Johnny Depp? No.

"Come on ,love." You weren't even sure of his name, and he was calling you love. Instead of speaking you had just stared back blankly. Most awkward meeting. "Would you just ask me then? Surely it's not that bad,no one else has to hear." Only his Spike saw the look Angel was giving him, awww soft boy. He did not seem like he was evil..only if you knew him a couple of years ago.

You had stood up, in hopes spike would do the same,so you wouldn't have to kneel next to him and whisper. He stood up as you made your way to him , moving away from the table, before turning back to the others. "You lot carry on, " With that he led you away out of Angel's office to an empty one. This is so dramatic but you don't really want to be talking about your virginity to these people, well except spike.

"So,love, what's the problem?" He had towered over you, he was quite handsome yes, but you felt intimidated in honesty. "Uh,well, since I'm going to be bait...well ,um, Are virgins more at risk at being snacked on? If that makes a difference to vampires? Oh I'm sorry, uh I-" he let out a chuckle at you, you moved your gaze to your feet. Why did you have to wear these heels, you didn't see Patrick swayze anywhere.

"Yes, they can smell it as soon as you walk into a room and it tastes different to other humans. ,love."

"W-wait how do you know?"

"I've had my fair share, now come on , love-come on I'm not going to eat you."

"Pfft- I'm not a virgin."

"Sure love,"

And with that you both headed back to the meeting , before you left to be bait Fred had informed you Spike had a soul like Angel after you had questioned him to her and Wesley.

Now you were in the middle of a park at 1 am , which happened to be not even a mile from the vampire base. It was freezing , in a poncho with a tank top, apparently to show off your neck under the street light, you were pretty sure that the vampires didn't give a shit if you were wearing Michael Myers mask.

Ah yes, first day on the job, risks of death 99.9% , lovely.

What exactly are you supposed to do? Pretty sure that mister mysterious and mister Stevie Nicks/vanilla ice are hiding in the bushes or something. Oh how you wish that Keanu Reeves would swoop you away from this situation.

Stood in the open park, kicking the mud with you shoe , well until you are body slammed backwards onto the floor, by obviously an indeed ugly vampire. Where's David from lost boys you wouldn't mind if it was him , but this dude stank. He was not even a second away from biting you- wait sorry his fangs were in your neck. It hurt like period pains in your neck, well until it was over , when he was yanked off by a blurry figure , as you felt your body being lifted, that was it.

You had woken up the next morning under a blanket on the sofa in your office, a plaster on your neck, water on the table. You were never going to do that , with the huge headache and the low sugar levels. As you looked down realising your movie white tank top was now drenched in blood. Deciding it was best to go talk to someone to go home, you left the office.

Your heels now discarded , your bare feet padding against the carpet floor , all the way to Angels office, Harmony informing you that he was in a meeting with the others. One brief knock on the pine door, was all it took for the similar brooding vampire had opened the door , gesturing you in.

Okay it was a bit naughty to not changed the blood stained tank, since there are two vampires in the room. Soon you were sat exactly where you were 24 hours ago, as were everyone else. "Uh, um ," No one was speaking , just staring at you really. "Y/n, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have forced you into doing that , I didn't mean for you to get hurt." Wesley was undoubtedly guilty, probably thinking about how made your parental figure was going to be more like.

"I just like to say, I could've gotten aids."

"Uh, that's not how that works." Fred was honestly shaken by your words, well not really she just thought well actually you don't know.

"That was just dramatic effect. I'm quite annoyed , I did not want fucking Edward sucking me like I was juice carton. Did you even kill the cult?" Your voice sounded like sandpaper, as you delivered your anger with pop culture references and dramatic gestures.

"Yeah we did, well not me but still." Lorne smiled at you with concern , he had felt sympathy for you , hoping the bite wouldn't scar.

"Well good, um, I was wondering if I could go home now? Please?" You already hate this job, Angel had nodded, queuing you to stand up , doing a small bow in respect , going home to have a bath and sleep.

Wesley had called you not long after you gotten home , to inform you that you had been given an extra few days off. Wow first day then long weekend, mental.

Once you had gotten back on Monday, your neck was not healed still, but you had to come back otherwise you was going to be homeless.

Surprisingly , the work was easy , too easy, but you weren't to complain... there was tv with a DVD player, you were absolutely chuffed. It happened that you had brought cds in your bag accidentally. After storing those cds in that bag when coming to Los Angeles.

So , you did work through your work a little too fast, nothing to do, so since the demon cleaners suck arse , and didn't clean up the blood from last week, you had went and gotten a Hoover and cleaning supplies. Queen and david bowie, playing on the tv, you know you can use DVD players to play cds, if you didn't know.

Maybe it was a little bad you playing slightly loud music while hoovering, dancing as you went, it was a shitty Hoover so it was taking a while. Your cardigan and heels discarded, your forehead laced with sweat, what could you say who does like Queen. Thus I want to break freebegan to play.

"I want to break free I want to break free I want to break free from your lies," The fact this song was a parody of coronation street. As soon as the beat began , you had also began aggressively Hooving, the long dramatic strides, even the the lip twitches as you lip-synced.

"You're so self satisfied I don't need you I've got to break free God knows, God knows I want to break free," You had stopped to flip the fringe of your hair , before resting your hands on your hips , the self confident head shake, another hair flip out of your face.

"I've fallen in love I've fallen in love for the first time And this time I know it's for real I've fallen in love, yeah God knows, God knows I've fallen in love It's strange but it's true, yeah,"

Obviously you couldn't take your shirt off , like Freddie, but yeah your skirt rising up , blouse too buttons undone was enough. Your hands hands spread out like a star for moments, you didn't know that Spike had heard the music and began to locate the source.

"I can't get over the way you love me like you do But I have to be sure When I walk out that door. Oh, how I want to be free, baby Oh, how I want to be free Oh, how I want to break free"

Looking up to the ceiling, arms lift out to the sides , legs apart. Dramatic spin, clenching of fists to your chest. Spike walking up to the do slowly opening it , seeing you shaking your head 'I want to break free' Now some elves but you can't do that your not Legolas. Or cows you are not sure.

Now not sure how you didn't see Spike . This was embarrassing, spike wasn't copying really, not much anyways. It wasn't long after that dont stop me now started. Wow this is embarrassing. You had just abandon the Hoover at this point.

"I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah And floating around in ecstasy"

Bringing you hands in front of you up near your neck , wiggling your fingers, spike did the same.

" So don't " You looked forward, "stop," Looked towards the window , as did spike . "me" Back forward. "now" "don't stop me 'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity." Jumping up , scratching like a Tiger standing side on, moving your arms around you 200 degrees , you were doing a duet , without knowing it.

" I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva I'm gonna go, go, go" Honestly you don't know how to describe these moves in honesty go watch Paul Rudd do it.

"There's no stopping me I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah." Your arms almost touching spikes as you lift them up as you circle your arse in a small circle, before pointing up.

"Two hundred degrees That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit"

Okay you had climb onto the desk , spot Spike oh my god , you couldn't of represented the fear , well until he had threw his jacket on the sofa ripped his shirt off, winking at you, shaking his shoulders.

"I'm traveling at the speed of light I wanna make a supersonic man out of you "

"Don't" you had wiggled yours back, before pointing at the platinum vampire,gesturing him to come to you .

"stop me now, I'm having such a good time I'm having a ball Don't stop me now" As he reached you , you held out your hands for him , helping him up onto the table.

"If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call" Each of you looking at each other, as you danced ,sorta looking like Rick I'm never going to give you up, a lot of twisting , and hand movements.

"Don't" "stop" " me now ('cause I'm having a good time) Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)" Spike had grabbed your hands twirling you, ending up with you in front of him facing away. Throwing out thumbs up to the side of you as you got closer to the desk top.

"I don't want to stop at all" Before rising your arms up , Spike pulling you up, honestly if you knew him deeply you wouldn't believe that he would do this, he's a vampire.

"Yeah, I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars On a collision course I am a satellite, I'm out of control I am a sex machine, ready to reload. Like an atom bomb about to Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode." Throwing your head back then forwards quickly , with your leg up, clicking your finger.

"I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah Two hundred degrees That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit" Neither of you had noticed the music had gained more attention then you may of realised , Angel ,Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Lorne were hiding behind the sofa.

"Don't stop me, don't stop me Don't stop me, hey, hey, hey"

Spike jumped off of the table turning back to you , five feet away, holding his arms out to catch you.

"Don't stop me, don't stop me Ooh ooh ooh, I like it"

With that you had jumped, (Spike watched dirty dancing? Probably Harmony's fault.) Effortlessly he had caught you you lifting you up, for a few seconds.

"Don't stop me, don't stop me Have a good time, good time"

Lowering you down slowly , your arms around his neck, panting slightly, uh he wasn't sweaty , he's dead but you were covered in sweaty.

Soon enough the song came to an end , you were still in the vampires embrace , his arms around your shoulders securing you.

It hasn't even been an minutes ,clapping begins, someone turns of the Hoover and the music. You both turn around slowly pulling out of the embrace to see , the brooding Angel laughing with everyone.

"Bloody hell, perverts much." Annoyance interweaved in Spikes voice, you could share that embarrassment.

Looking at your feet realising how inappropriate you look , your blouse now see through due to the sweat , the cotton clinging to your body, wrapping your arms around yourself, to cover."uh , Angel , I was only cleaning and that because, um I completed my work, uhh there was still blo-""it's fine, as long as you are feeling better, " you had nodded at him before going back to looking at your feet.

Moments go by with silence from you and Spike as the others are talking away , no doubt about you two. You are soon pulled out of your trance when a heavy weight is placed on your shoulders , looking up to see Spike placing his long leather jacket on you , sending you a small smirk before walking out of your office , still shirtless.

"I haven't seen him like that in a long time, he is fond of you." With that Angel left too. " Aw, I'm glad you are settling in y/n/n , I just never thought you would do so ,by dancing to Queen with a vampire." Wesley had patted your back , leaving with Fred who just smiled , followed by Gunn and Lorne.

Thus you grabbed your stuff , to go home , you had danced to the end of the day. Walking out of the office , hoping Harmony didn't see you and kill you for Spike giving you his jacket.

She had already gone thank god , no death today, the next day , you had brought Spikes jacket with you. In search of him in the morning, you had hidden it in your bag , heading to Harmony's desk.

"Uh, have you seen Spike today?" Please don't kill me. She had looked up at you with a polite smile. "He's literally just left Angel's office, something about going to taking a car or something? Why?"

"Oh, I just need to pass a message from Wesley to him, thank you." You had lied , but you hoped that Wesley would go with it, if she asked him. Rushing down to Angel's private car park, in hopes of catching Spike, which you did but he almost hit you with the car.

Your hands placed on the hood, breathing roughly before moving to the drivers side , as he rolled down the window, smirking yet again. The car had had black out windows so you guess that's why he was going out in the day?

"Awe, all out of breathe for me , love?" You had ignored his comment , pulling out his heavy jacket from your bag, passing it to him. "Cheers,love." You had nodded, turning away to head back up. That was it until about 2:45 , again all your work was done, just sitting there doing nothing, but twiddling your thumbs.

So you decided , maybe you should go get some air outside, or go home you weren't sure. Swinging the office door open to see , Spike.

"Ah, oh Hi."

"Going somewhere, love?" Well that sounded like a threat , but he was not smirking like I'm going to chop your fucking head off.

"I don't know really , I think I'm going home."

"I'll drive you."

"Really?" He didn't seem to be the type to drop you off home to to your mother , not that she was there, but still, he had nodded , and that was it you walked with him. Until Harmony stopped you both, she had frowned slightly before smiling again.

"So you got the message from Wesley then, spike?" You looked at Spike who didn't notice you looking , just stood looking at the blonde girl in confusion,until you pretend to resist your bag accidentally knocking him with bag.

"Yeah,"

"What was it?"

"Mind your own business, wanker." With that he had walked around her with you ,guiding you with his arm around your shoulder.

Once you were both were sat in the car , you had given Spike your address , immediately he had started driving. "So what was that about?"

"Well, uh, Wesley informed me about everyone , said you had something with Harmony, and she's a vampire. So I asked where you were this morning to give back your jacket but didn't want to say that, just in case she tried to eat me." Spike had let out a laugh, "I can see your concern, love , she's a bloody nightmare." You had let out a small laugh of understanding.

"Hey, do you still eat food?."

"Yeah, not a lot , but sometimes I do, why do you ask?"

" y-you've been very nice to me , since I'd been here, and you are driving me home.. uh so I was wondering if you would like to come in and have something. I don't have blood , uh other than my own and uh I lost a lot of that last week. You don't have to , um, I jus-" "I will, love,"

"Oh brilliant, uh I make some nice cookies."

"Great, love. Can't wait."

#buffy the vampire slayer #spikebtvs #spike btvs #btvs #spike x reader #spike imagine #spike x you #spike x y/n #spike btvs x reader #spike btvs imagine #james marsters #angel #angel 1999

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addiealbertson · 4 years ago

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Slow Carb And Slow Carb Recipes To Feed Your Healthy Life

There turn into a new set of bars called Crunch rods. These will be reformulated MedifastBars that have started much more detailed the other nutritional supplements and that they are actually now interchangeable with the shakes additional products. So you can crunch up to five bars a 24 hours! They contain either 12g or 13g each to choose depending on the bar the person. Next, you determine the amount calories of protein, carbs and fats you want consume. And then also we may use a baseline ratio of approximately 100 grams (400 cal) of fibrous carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein per pound of lean mass and.5-.65 grams of essential fats per pound of weight consumed per day to stimulate quick fat loss. This is a typical place of what you call a keto diet. Have competent assist of a coach or mentor guide you in this area for best results. Weight Watchers has endured since 1963, and they now possess a program people who diabetics. One thing have had success using approach of using points and exchanges as an alternative to counting calories, as well as their use of support along with feeling of community. There is a monthly fee, Keto Slimmer Diet Slimmer Pills but it also is far cheaper in comparison prepackaged restaurants.

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brandycardella-blog · 4 years ago

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Lose Fat - Keep Lean Mass

What about hydrolyzed proteins? While it does still go along with process of breaking to the protein into its amino acid, is a bit lower in quality, while 5mp may not overall continues rather top. Also, those with allergies to milk or lactose should be able to digest hydrolyzed proteins as the actual non-hydrolyzed. You must re-load on carbohydrates big event 5th or 6th day (for 1-2 days) immediately after resume the carb fast for another 5 evenings. The reason this can be considered a speedy weight loss plan is because out of all diets out there, training must be done report the best results the actual carb fast. A search should done under "Generation Keto Price diet" to discover the exact procedures to perform this rapid weight loss plan both safely and effectively. Rather then telling you what to eat or tips on how to keto diet facts eat your meals, I will simply declare that your total daily calories should be 10 to 12 times your bodyweight in surplus. So if we use our 200lb man again, we times his body weight by 11 and we 2200 consumption. We can workout that164g of protein equals 656 calories 30% of our daily intake (1g protein = 4 calories) that leaves us with 1544 calories for that day. Should certainly fill these calories with at least 20% fat (1g fat = 9 calories), and the remaining 50% should be from carbohydrates (1g carbs = 4 calories). Some useful resources - get ripped routine tools.

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advancedketonzpills-blog · 4 years ago

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Advanced Keto NZ (New Zealand) Shark Tank, Price, Reviews & Buy

Advanced Keto NZ Weight loss nutritional supplements have come an extended way within the past couple of a few years. Today there are numerous specially potent fat eliminators that have been designed the usage of some of the exceptional herbal nutrients available inside the marketplace.

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About Advanced Keto NZ

Advanced Keto NZ is an all new ‘weight control complement’ that has been designed to complement ‘high depth exercise’ by way of way of imparting awesome fat loss advantages. Other than that, the product additionally acts as a ‘pre-workout’ blend via offering the consumer's body with power. In terms of its composition, all the middle introduced additives had been studied and discovered to be in fact secure for long time use.

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Some of the main factors of Advanced Keto NZ which make it surprisingly remarkable encompass:

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Focus: because of the presence of some specialized stimulants in the mix, the product has been demonstrated to elevate our base attention and attention tiers.

Mood Elevation: while applied in prescribed doses, Heat Seeker lets in for a heightened production of serotonin and dopamine in our bodies. This method that a person can continue to be more calm and accumulated thru the direction of his/her day.

Compositional Data

Caffeine: this is one of the maximum robust stimulants inside the international. It is quite efficacious and has been demonstrated to lock the fat oxidation mechanisms present internal our our bodies. Additionally, it moreover heightens our reputation tiers, and lets in us to be greater aware when taken in prescribed doses.

Taurine: this great energy launch agent is widely used in masses of sports sports beverages. The nutrient has been confirmed to assist customers enhance many mental and physical conditions, inclusive of hysteria, despair, insomnia and diabetes. Recent records has moreover pointed to the reality that Taurine can beautify our athletic performance thru an boom in our standard muscular output.

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Choline Bitartrate: this choline derivative is instead useful in the manufacturing of AcetylCholine. Acetylcholine is a neurotransmitter this is critical for highest quality liver characteristic, everyday thoughts development, nerve characteristic, muscle motion and helping maximal energy tiers.

Green Tea: this herbal tea extract has top notch antioxidative houses and lets in clients to look greater younger and radiant upon use. Other than that, it additionally acts as a natural detox agent and permits easy out any pollution, loose radicals that might be present interior our bodies.

Advanced Keto NZ Ingredient Profile

2 drugs ought to be taken first of all (1st week) and then weight loss consequences want to be assessed.

If the user feels exceptional, then a further capsules can be taken.

For maximum satisfying consequences, half the dose ought to be taken on an empty belly, and the opposite 1/2 together with a mild meal.

For users with a excessive clinical records, a qualified scientific practitioner should be consulted in advance than starting everyday consumption.

Advanced Keto NZ Pricing And Availability

Each container of Advanced Keto NZ contains 120 pills (which need to last users for a month). A unmarried bottle has been priced at £22.99 and may be ordered from Napa’s official net website online. Payments may be carried out the usage of some of comfy method like PayPal, Visa, MasterCard. There also are many transport alternatives to choose from. http://www.supplementsnewzealand.co.nz/advanced-keto-nz/

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geektech713 · 4 years ago

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My Bipolar life & Struggles

My Testimony! living with bipolar & healed of bipolar in 2017 about my 2008 story I am disabled by federal government and state because of my bipolar disorder . I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after I started my business outside of high school ..I been fighting for my life since 2001 when I was diagnosed ..I started Digitalrao dba on december 15th 2001 and then I was diagnosed by doctor in March I was on medication . I was only 18 or 19 when I started my business straight out high school I was about about to start find funding and everything ..but High school friends and bullies at school were making making me fight for get be left alone ..I was throw in ISS most the school year and everything I eventually left I went to Private Christian school in my town to get school . I am always learning because of my disorder makes me hard to concrete . I am not the violent type of bipolar you hear about ..I like to take care of my issue ASAP before it gets worse , find the doctors to help .I am forced to take medication for my survival and I won’t be able to destroy my life or online rep . For all those who don’t know my testimony . Bipolar Disorder is Mental Illness , I believe it because I gave up on life with my Bullied bad in high school and standed up against them . I was in school for almost 4 -5 years because of other issues and then Private I tried to finish early but I took college Computer Networking class at another High School in our District for extra credit an Air Force ROTC . I flew once behind the control of small plane too . I have decided to follow Jesus with everything after finding an youth group called Portico at Old lakewood church campus before the moved into stadium ..Lakewood church ..Joel Osteen before that was John Osteen before he went up to the lord . well I was fighting to get my life on the straight path because I was fighting things unseen I don’t want to talk about it was battle over my soul after I got out the hospital and doctor visits and court from trans passing at my high school I went too .after couple months of dealing with State over my condition they dismissed my charged I was set free and I came running to God/Jesus because .I know medication and doctors wouldn’t be able to heal me . Bipolar disorder was called Manic Depression . yes I suffer from depression I haven’t been depressed in couple of months It is getting better. Bipolar is very serious mental condition . it destroys life’s left and right ..I am restart my life after relapse 2 years and took me 2 years of Hard work to get back where I am now but I had to fight for my life in everything I believe in and test my thinking and mindset and friends . I do my business because it is my dream and It is accident in 2001 Google came out and was just a start up and I heard about I google how to start a business and researched how to get into it ..I am just dba doing business as One day I will have enough money to Corporate it and just watch it grow and let some Jesus let MBA older person lead the company .well i was saying . I was starting to building up on my own feet with no partnerships or anything I am boot stamping Digital Rao right now But I have partnership with Business Remedy my first independent contract . well one with my story I was engaged to some girl that I though would be the one well I thought she was real christian and changed but I was wrong ..short story she left me after one of my business owner friends told me she was using me or cheating on me . I was heart Broken . I tried to get computers jobs to keep afloat I was working at Kroger and moved up 3 positions in 9 months of being their from sacker to dairy department but I was asked to be Kroger Department manager because I am career driven . I told other store manager NO because some off the wall . my X fiance parents and her was telling to say NO to the offer because some stupid reason . but my personal reason was because I wanted to be in computers not retail environment I left to Truckstop to work the cashiers and learn to run a store at night ..well I was working on my business running , taking calls and going to work at night 10-6am and then I would take calls from my ad’s in yellow pages and online and talk with vendors and so on …Lets say I almost had it but then how my story gets sad and depressing ..well I said my X fiance . I wanted to go Trade conference in Dallas,TX an Technology conference I was invited to go as local business I was so happy and my fiance wasn’t I was preparing to go a room at hotel some far to save on gas and food and all expenses just getting ready and then bam . I wanted to go San Antonio or Round Rock,TX aka HQ of DELL , I looked at my checking and asked her if wanted to go micro-vacation she told me NO . I said I need to get away from all the stress I am under and get new prospective I was trying to find my balance because I felt unbalanced and drained . we kissed each other bye and I made to San Antonio and to get some gas and food and my personal checking account bounced on me , came back on me I was denied it was 2 hours after that i got to San Antonio from Houston area . I was at McDonald’s and realized I was broke I was cleaned out ..I had credit balance 500 dollars or more on my personal side and i tried every credit card I had I think .. receive well my other story began I ran out of gas just under the under pass at one dell way under the highway I stalled their and one dell employee put 10 or 20 dollars in my tank I was thankful but after driving short distance wasn't enough to get me to back home I went to find the Dell Diamond ..then I ran out of gas at night by some homes ..and then I started to walk like Jesus and find someone to help me . I was desperate I went to walking to 7-11 and asked for job application I wanted to work In Round Rock to get some money . I had crazy idea’s after failed attempts I talked couple what happened to me and everything and I went walking to church for help just stay the night or anything it was Sunday night as I was about step on the crosswalk of the church the Round Rock Police pulled nearly arrested me . i told them what happen with me and took me my Chevy Tahoe , and the mental people checked me out for the County and said you are good to go not going Jail for the Night since you are small business owner from not our area . I was thankful the round rock county took me to Red Roof Inn and then I tried to call parents and KSBJ to let them pray for me I used Google 411 to make calls out area because it was source to talk to KSBJ prayer volunteer to for my safe return home I was KSBJ Special events volunteer and Share-A-Thon they knew me if i emailed them or anything well long story short I lost everything my Chevy Tahoe and nearly my business nearly went bankrupt but I am fighting that I want to share more but I need to write a book I am looking for someone to tell my whole story about my life , I was in mediation and i heard a voice say Write a book . I meditate every now and then I have found an Android app to help enter in God so close to hear loud as thunder and everything I know what his voice sounds like ..I want to finish this up my ending but I need to do other stuff . well my ending I had bitter-heart and nearly went back into the world and go back into all the wrong stuff , not drugs or anything just wrong people and everything . I tried to go back to church but it didn’t work . I ended up asking Jesus/God to break me down until the bare bone which I asked God to make life hell for me and He did because I asked I need to be broken so I can return back back my where , I had find my bottom my valley ..well 4 months ago I am God Broke me down I had no friends and everything was hell I was broke ..no Job or computer jobs or 2nd jobs to get by ….I had one of my medications Lithium nearly kill me . .it had poisoned my blood steam I was very sick , so sick ..after I realized it was medication I called my doctor told what was happening, throwing up ,stomach pains ,extreme migraines and it was hell . I was depressed and lonely and out of hope and grace I felt but I wasn’t God was close or nearby I didn’t see him or anything but something snapped in my brain I heard his voice say Fight for you life or Come back one of the two it isn’t your time yet I am not done with you yet i believe . I said OK lets fight for my life and I live with my parents at 29 because I lost everything I asked my dad to take me to the hospital he didn’t I begged and pleaded with him I was in no condition to drive to my Hospital ER in Sugar land for treatment I didn’t think of 911 and deal wit the police and EMS people and causing the whole street getting blocked off because of sickness I was dealing with ..so I went to bed and fought my demons and sickness and asked God to help me get out of sickness I was tired of being sick for 3 to 5 months at all at once .. well I asked I asked God in my room after listening to KSBJ.org I was doing anything to try to get back to God after 2 years being in the wildness I am back to God I am getting praise and thanksgiving every second I have with God .. God and Jesus and Holy Spirit ..I know the trinity .God is Love and God is grace and God is restore and many things ..I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.. Not by might nor by power my but my by spirit says the the lord Almighty .. I have many verses on my heart they will come to me …. 2012 update here is my update I dated the wrong girlfriend she wasn’t Christian then i fell from grace after that months later I got Baptist at The 429 and made friends with wrong people and left church for awhile i didn’t even realize i was blind and isolated to the point I didn’t have any friends to say ..in the process i lost everything again my grandma’s car broke down and won’t turn over and i lost my 2nd business Digitalrao Solutions . A couple days ago i went to see one of my Christian friends at her Christian resale shop called by Faith and she was in bad shape but had positive outlook on where she was going and had faith of mustard seed i see God flowing out when we were talking , she said alot of things i been dealing with myself one thing i said i had doubt , then slowly God started to turn on the heat on me to point i was crying and asking for forgiveness and then i got invited couple weeks ago before that Go back to church with old jr high school friend and God was talking to me thru sunday and service . I did fall from Grace ..i wasn’t the best example but I have turn from my old ways . Got right with him .. well to continue my story i was getting hell from church members calling my business line at the time i just was start up with Digitalrao Solutions,dba maybe my 3 year as start up and then Dealing with G-watts BBQ Pit i was doing all kind programming and setup Comcast Business internet for him and then they got the wrong tablet for square i told them go get ipad they did i did more programming even paid for fake charities he had too ..one time i found the owner coming out of BBQ pit with red eyes he was doing some kind of drugs i caught him even partner too .. i asked do you gamble too then Micka forgot to pay my invoices they're protesting my invoices when i did 2 free jobs and then almost 3rd one ..then they hire a The Church volunteer member was volunteering lot with him i was made MVP once during winter times no one else couldn't handle Texas blue Norther's like me so i was only one doing traffic and setting up stuff to get attention of drivers then i was dealing dealing FBI/CIA/NSA even caught Spy Satellite in the sky on my horizon then falling off into distance because I called Obama out on what he is doing and i said i know what your planning to do ..i think you know who i am on twitter ..so i was being then i got a call from mexican women not saying where that they're going to kidnap me this was Mexican drug cartels after me too then my dad started to get bitter about me approved for cars left and right but kicked to the road and walking took me off insurance he just had big anger issue since i was apart of GOP Harris county Liberty Freedom Caucus he refused to take me GOP events or go so they fired me , then one of the Rosenberg Cops told me ya ur getting watched by cartels we see cars driving by i am not giving locations of cameras lol anyway then 2 days later i had panic mode fearing from everything around me that they might shoot up the place but then did something stupid ..later realized it was setting up for Success when i got to Group home my dad wouldnt let me come home , anyways i was in group home for 3 months then i didn't start to go back to Church of Living Waters until 6 or 8 th month because i was afraid of church who i would run into or accuse me again sometimes i run into accusers at Church of living waters they dont say anything to me . i am am slowly going back to Church of Living waters Darren Frank seen what i been thru sometimes i txt him too much , or quit anyways , Jimn Kyles had nothing to do with me but Pastor Darren Frank took me under his wings and protected me and even prophecy saying i will have no friends ya that is where i am at now . back the story I was going around town causing chaos when one time i went Mexican restaurant saying i did Youtube video of this place y'all are made here but they called the Police on me Kicked me out anyways the most famous restaurant located by the place now they're up for sale back to story i was saying Rosenberg Police Sargent called me criminal over my bipolar i finally gave up my secret i was one filing FBI IC3 reports they didn't know who it was ..then Assistant Police Chief got caught now facing charges anyways .. now i am giving member of Church of Living waters in Rosenberg ..i don’t give to buy out God i give to because i am generous giver, I got healed of Bipolar disorder in July ,2017 still going thru process dealing with Therapist and Family doctors that don't understand what happen to me . 2020 update my Pdoc at Texana took myself off Deproke , i haven’t had depression in 3 years so i am off my depression med , just taking 1 medication If Technical side like my Businesses use [email protected] until i can buy back my domains back ! i do need money to live ...I want to INC up ASAP .

#Bipolar Struggle healed

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xxx-cat-xxx · 6 years ago

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When you fall like a statue

Here’s some fun and fluff with Peter, Cap and a worried Irondad, based on this prompt:

Fighting off the latest alien invasion followed by an attack by Doom Bots was bad enough on the Avengers without two of their main players passing out for no apparent reason AKA when Cap and Spidey go 36 hours without eating while having overly heightened metabolisms.

Thank you to my beta @whumphoarder for putting so much effort into this fic!

“I need a cheeseburger,” Tony announces the moment Steve opens the door of the temporary shelter. “A big, greasy cheeseburger, two litres of coffee, and a few months of vacation on the Virgin Islands.”

“Then you've come to the wrong place,” Steve replies in a tired voice while following Tony back inside. “The bots destroyed our food storage. Even the granola bars melted.” The supersoldier grins a little, but his face is gray from exhaustion. He looks even worse than Tony feels.

“You good there, old man?”

“Yeah, just…” Steve raises his arms in a gesture of defeat, indicating the destruction around them of what was once the parking lot of an amusement park.

The Doom Bots did their job thoroughly. Being outnumbered as they were, the team was forced to spread out, so Tony took the kid with him to hunt down the Bots at the other end of the district. It didn’t help that the bots chose to enter just after the Avengers had successfully defeated an invasion of relatively dumb but highly explosive frog-like beings from outer space.

Tony stayed behind to supervise the clean-up while Steve did the same at the other end of town. That was more than a day ago, Tony realises with sudden clarity. No wonder Cap looked tired.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, eyeing the scratches and dents in the Iron Man armour.

Tony is reeling from exertion, every single joint aching. His right wrist is swollen to twice its normal size and there are more scratches and bruises on him than he wants to count (although Friday had counted them, much to his dismay). But truth is, he has seen much worse fights, and 36 hours without sleep is far from his personal record.

“Always, always,” he replies reassuringly.

Tony enters the shelter, just to stop dead upon seeing a familiar figure dressed in a red-and-blue spandex suit.

The eyes of Peter’s mask go wide upon seeing Tony. “Oh, shit,” he mumbles.

Tony feels his face go tight. “What on earth are you doing here?” he demands.

“Uhm…” The mask retreats, revealing a clearly exhausted Peter looking sheepishly back at his mentor.

“He helped with the clean-up,” Steve intervenes. “Without him, I’d still be stuck in a heap of rubble, trying to excavate a police car.”

“I sent him home to sleep yesterday.”

“He told me that you had asked him to come here!”

“And you didn’t bother to check with me?” Tony exclaims angrily. “You know we do have radios now, right? Modern communication, Cap, we’re not in the goddamn 1930s anymore!”

He knows that it isn’t technically Steve's fault that Peter snuck back to the battlefield, but Tony’s worry and frustration are reaching a breaking point. And Captain Almighty had always been a good target to let off some steam.

“How was I to know he wasn’t supposed to be here? Honestly, I was glad for any help I could get -it didn’t occur to me I’d have to double-check!” Steve protests.

“Uhm...I’m really, really sorry, but, could we maybe argue about this later?” Peter asks in a small voice. “Um, I'm not...feeling so great.”

Tony spins around. The boy is visibly swaying on his feet, colour draining rapidly from his face.

“Shit.” Tony is at his side in a few steps, grabbing him by the shoulders and guiding him down to sit on the ground. “Just what we need right now. What's wrong? Where did you get hit?”

“Please don't be mad at me,” Peter whispers, blinking rapidly with unfocused eyes. He actually looks a little bit scared, which only increases Tony’s concern.

“That’s gonna be decided later,” Tony declares. “But I definitely will be if you don't tell me what's going on.”

“I...haven’t eaten anything...for a while, I think.” Peter starts listing to one side, his eyes drooping.

Tony curses quietly. He keeps Peter upright with one arm and waves at Steve with the other. “Check the back room for food,” he orders. “Bruce always keeps emergency supplies in his locker.”

“Hmm,” Steve replies, his voice strangely off.

Peter’s eyes have drifted shut. “Hey, stay awake with me, kid,” Tony urges, tapping on the boy’s cheek. “Spangles?” he calls to the back room, “You found anything?”

The only reply is a loud thump.

“What on earth…” Tony says under his breath.

“Sir, it appears that Captain Rogers has lost consciousness,” FRIDAY’s voice informs him from his suit. Even she sounds beat. “It appears that he is suffering from hypoglycemia, similar to Mr. Parker.”

“How is this my life?” Tony mutters. “Call medical, I need a babysitter.”

“Already done, sir. Let me also inform you that the first aid kit located under the chair to your right contains glucose tablets.”

“At least that’s something,” Tony mumbles, reaching for the kit. He spies a half-empty bottle of Coke on the ground and reaches for it gratefully.

“Hey, kid. Open up.” He nudges the bottle against Peter’s lips. It takes a few attempts until the boy focuses on Tony with a low moan.

“Don't wanna…don’t feel good,” Peter slurs.

“Yeah, nausea is normal at this point. But that wasn’t a question. Drink.” He lets Peter take a few sips before pushing one of the glucose tabs into his mouth.

Peter swallows, then gulps, his sweaty face contorting in obvious discomfort.“'M gonna be sick,” he manages.

“Okay, hold on,” Tony sighs. He locates a plastic bag in the mess inside the shelter and holds it open under Peter’s chin. The kid takes a few shallow breaths before retching weakly. He brings up a mouthful of foul-smelling liquid.

“Ugh…” Peter moans. He coughs a few more times, spraying watery bile over the bag and both of their suits.

“It's okay. You'll be okay, kid,” Tony reassures. “I know you’re feeling sick, but you need to keep trying to drink something.” He offers the bottle again.

“'M not done yet.” Peter bends over the bag and heaves drily. A trickle of bile runs into the receptacle.

“There's nothing left in you,” Tony assures. “You're just nauseous because your blood sugar is tanking.”

“Hmm. Oww.” Peter wipes his mouth with a shaky hand and slumps back against the wall, his eyes fluttering shut.

“Don't you pass out on me,” Tony commands, his tone tinged with worry. He doesn't want to leave Peter, but he knows that he has to look after Steve at some point.

“Hold on, okay?” He picks back up the bottle of Coke and presses it into Peter's hand, making sure the boy is conscious. “Keep sipping, slowly.”

Peter gives a tiny nod, his eyes following Tony’s movements sluggishly. Tony makes sure that his protegè is stable in the corner and won't hit anything in case he does pass out, then goes to rouse the supersoldier.

Steve is out cold, but at least he only fell against a leather chair and didn’t hit his head on anything hard. It’s tempting to just let him lie there and focus on the kid until the med team arrives, but Tony knows that the longer his enhanced metabolism stays without food, the more danger he is in.

When a few attempts of calling his name and lightly shaking his shoulder don’t yield any results, Tony goes for the proverbial cold water approach, splashing handfuls of it onto the supersoldier’s face. Upon the third attempt, Steve rouses with a moan.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”

“Uff,” Steve groans, squinting. “I did something embarrassing, didn’t I?”

“Yup,” Tony confirms, popping the p. “I didn’t even know it was possible for you to pass out. Wish I had it on film.”

He quickly strides over to Bruce’s locker and blows it open it with a small blast from his gauntlet that makes Steve flinch. Not strictly necessary, but Tony’s definitely at the end of his patience for today and blowing things up feels like an appropriate reaction. In the locker, he finds a yoga mat, a yo-yo, and a walkman (seriously, Bruce?), a couple of organic lemonades, and three equally healthy energy bars. Bingo.

Tony helps Steve sit up enough so that he can swallow some of the drink. He pushes it away after the second sip, clearly nauseous.

“Don’t you dare puke on my suit,” Tony warns.

“What, only the kid’s allowed to do that?” Steve chuckles weakly, nodding at the stains of bile on Tony’s armour. He takes a few deep breaths before trying another sip. “How long was I out?”

“Couple of minutes. Medics are on their way.”

“Is Peter okay?” Steve asks, clearly guilty.

“Well…lucky for him, someone was there to look after him instead of making him work harder.” Tony’s anger is slowly ebbing away, but he doesn’t regret when it comes out a little cross.

“Sorry,” Steve offers genuinely. He tries to sit up, but Tony pushes him back down, wincing when he jostles his injured arm in the process.

“You stay put until we get medical assistance. Not gonna wake you up again.”

He drops one of the energy bars into Steve’s lap and then returns to check on Peter. The boy is still pale as a ghost and seems to have sort of melted into his corner, but at least he has finished the soft drink and is looking a bit more alert than he was before.

“Hey, you back with me?” Tony inquires, letting himself fall down on the floor in a not exactly elegant manner.

The kid hums in agreement. “How’s Captain Rogers?” he asks, sounding concerned.

“Still alive, unfortunately.”

“Hey, I heard that!” Steve calls out from the back room. Peter laughs lightly.

Tony opens one of the energy bars and breaks off a piece to offer to the kid. “So, care to explain why you disobeyed my direct order - suggestion - and came here?”

“I was gonna go home, but then I realised that May would be working overtime at the hospital because of the attack, and I lost my key somewhere in the battle, and then I thought I’d be more useful helping with the clean-up than sitting in front of my own door-”

“You’re telling me that Spider-Man needs a key to get into his own apartment?”

“Maybe?” Peter blinks up at him, all innocence and puppy eyes.

“Don’t think for a minute that you’re getting away with that. We’re gonna have a talk, once you stop looking like you’re gonna faint any minute and I am out of danger of dying from a heart attack.” Tony clutches one hand to his chest dramatically. “Friday, when are the medics coming?”

“ETA four minutes and 30 seconds, sir.”

“Okay.” Tony should probably check on Steve, but his muscles vehemently protest any attempt to get up again. Instead, he shifts his position so that he is leaning against the wall next to Peter. The boy lets his head sink onto Tony’s metal-clad shoulder with a yawn.

“Do you know what?” he mumbles. “Today I pulled Captain America out of a rubble pile…Wish I could tell that to my classmates.”

That, finally, makes Tony grin.

Link to all my fics

#badthingshappenbingo #forgetting to eat #irondad #spiderson #tony stark #steve rogers #peter parker #hurt peter #fanfic #sickfic #worried tony #vomiting #emeto #fainting #Marvel #MCU

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freedomartspress · 5 years ago

Text

Three Poems — Tongo Eisen Martin

Kick Drum Only

All street life to a certain extent starts fair

Sometimes with a spiritual memory even

Predawn soul-clap/ your father dying even

Maybe I’ve pushed the city too far

My sensitivities to landfill districting and minstrel whistles/

White supremacist graffiti on westbound rail guards

-all overcome and reauthored

The garbage is growing voices

Condensed Marxism

modal gangsterism for a warrior-depressive

Underpass in my pocket

because I am a deity

or decent bid on the Panther name

revolutionary violence that chose its own protagonists

or muted stage of genius

A merciful Marxism

Disquieted home life

Or metaphor for relaxing next to a person

Who is relaxing next to a gun

I stare at my father for a few seconds

Then return to my upbringing

Return to the souls of Ohio Black folks

Revolution is damn near pagan at this point

You know what the clown wants? The respect of the ant.

Wants a pen cap full of bullets

Wants to see their ancestors in broad daylight

I am not tired of these rooms; just tired of the world that give them a relativity

My only change of clothes prosecuted

The government has finally learned how to write poems

shoot-outs that briefly align…

that make up a parable

white bodies are paid well, I posit

do white men actually even have leaders?

all white people are white men

white men will only ever be metaphors

all I do is practice, Lord

A rat pictures a river

Can almost taste the racial divide

Can almost roll a family member’s head into a city hall legislative chamber

Knows who in this good book will fly

I have decided not to talk out of anger ever again, Lord

Met my wife at the same time I met new audience members for our pain

We passed each other cigarettes and watched cops win

A city gone uniquely linear

Harlem of the West due a true universe

“I will always remember you in fancy clothes,” my wife said

so here I sit… twisting in silk ideation

My rifle made of tar

My targets made of an honest language

This San Francisco poetry is how God knows that it is me whining

Writing among the lesser-respected wolves

Lesser-observed militarization

Dixie-less prison bookkeeping/I mean the California gray-coats are coming

lynch mob gossip and bourgeois debt collection

I mean, it’s tempting to change professions mid-poem

in a Chicago briefing, a white sergeant saying, “blank slate for all of us after this Black organizer is dead.”

standard academics toasting two-buck wine at the tank parade

bay of nothing, Lord

nuclear cobblestones, gunline athleticism

and the last of the inherited asthma

children given white dolls to play with and fear

facial expressions borrowed from rich people’s shoe strings

I can hear hate

And teach hate

And call tools by people names

And name people dead to themselves

no one getting naturalized except federal agents soon

carving the equator into throats soon

I’m sorry to make you relive all of this, Lord

pre-dawn monarchy

friends putting up politician posters then snorting the remainder of the paste

minstrel scripts shoveled into the walls by their elders

my children sharpening quarters on the city’s edge

For these audiences

I project myself into a ghost like state

For these gangsters, I do the same

every now and then, we take a nervous look east

Sleep becomes Christ

Sleep starts growing a racial identity

do you ever spiral, Lord?

has the gang-age betrayed us?

be patient with my poems, Lord

So much pain

there is a point to crime…

There has to be if race traitors come with it

Lord, is that my revolver in your hand?

Better presidents than these have yawned at cages

Have called us holy slaves

Filled the school libraries with cop documentaries

Baby, I don’t have money for food

I have no present moment at all

I Do Not Know the Spelling of Money

I go to the railroad tracks

And follow them to the station of my enemies

A cobalt-toothed man pitches pennies at my mugshot negative

All over the united states, there are

Toddlers in the rock

I see why everyone out here got in the big cosmic basket

And why blood agreements mean a lot

And why I get shot back at

I understand the psycho-spiritual refusal to write white history or take the glass freeway

White skin tattooed on my right forearm

Ricochet sewage near where I collapsed

into a rat-infested manhood

My new existence as living graffiti

In the kitchen with

a lot of gun cylinders to hack up

House of God in part

No cops in part

My body brings down the Christmas

The new bullets pray over blankets made from old bullets

Pray over the 28th hour’s next beauty mark

Extrajudicial confederate statue restoration

the waist band before the next protest poster

By the way,

Time is not an illusion, your honor

I will return in a few whirlwinds

I will save your desk for last

You are witty, your honor

You’re moving money again, your honor

It is only raining one thing: non-white cops

And prison guard shadows

Reminding me of

Spoiled milk floating on an oil spill

A neighborhood making a lot of fuss over its demise

A new lake for a Black Panther Party

Malcom X’s ballroom jacket slung over my son’s shoulders

Pharmacy doors mid-slide

The figment of village

a noon noose to a new white preacher

Wiretaps in the discount kitchen tile

-All in an abstract painting of a president

Bought slavers some time, didn’t it?

The tantric screeches of military bolts and Election-Tuesday cars

A cold-blooded study in leg irons

Leg irons in tornado shelters

Leg irons inside your body

Proof that some white people have actually fondled nooses

That sundown couples

made their vows of love over

opaque peach plastic

and bolt action audiences

Man, the Medgar Evers-second is definitely my favorite law of science

Fondled news clippings and primitive Methodists

My arm changes imperialisms

Simple policing vs. Structural frenzies

Elementary school script vs. Even whiter white spectrums

Artless bleeding and

the challenge of watching civilians think

“terrible rituals they have around the corner. They let their elders beg for public mercy…beg for settler polity”

“I am going to go ahead and sharpen these kids’ heads into arrows myself and see how much gravy spills out of family crests.”

Modern fans of war

What with their t-shirt poems

And t-shirt guilt

And me, having on the cheapest pair of shoes on the bus,

I have no choice but to read the city walls for signs of my life

The Chicago Prairie Fire

First, I must apologize to the souls of the house

I am wearing the cheek bones of the mask only

Pill bottle, my name is yours

Name tagged on the side of a factory of wrists

Teeth of the mask now

Back of the head of the mask now

New phase of anti-anthropomorphism fending for real faces

Stuck with one of those cultures that believes I chose this family

I am not creative

Just the silliest of the revolutionaries

My blood drying on

my only jacket

just as God got playful

the police state’s psychic middlemen

Evangelizing for the creation of an un-masses

An un-Medgar

Blood of a lamb less racialized

or awesome prison sentence

Good God

Elder-abuse hired for the low

dog eat genius

Right angle made between a point

On a Louisiana plantation

And 5-year old’s rubber ball

3 feet high and falling

like a deportee plane

to complete my interpretation

(of garden variety genocide)

I am small talk

about loving your enemies

A little more realistically

About paper tigers

And also gold…

I need my left hand back

I broke my neck on the piano keys

Found paradise in a fistfight

Maybe I should check into the Cuba line

Watching the universe’s last metronomes

some call Black Jacobins

Just wait…

These religions will start resigning in a decade or two

Some colorfully

Some transactional-ly

In a cotton gothic society

Class betrayal gone glassless/ I mean ironically/ my window started fogging over too

Wondering which Haiti will get me through this winter

Which poem houses souls

Which socialist breakthroughs

Breakthroughs like ten steps back

Then finally stillness

Stillness

Then stillness among families

a John Brown biography takes a bow

I’m up next to introduce Prosser to Monk

I remember childhood

Remember the word “Childhood” being a beginning

Scribbling on an amazing grace

I rented this body from some circumference of slavery

Remember being kicked out of the Midwest

Strange fruit theater

Lithium and circuses

Likeminded stomachs

The ruling class blessing their blank checks with levy foam…

with opioid tea

Sentient dollar bills yelling to each other pocket to pocket

Cello stands in the precinct for accompanying counterrevolutionaries

My mother raised me with a simple pain

A poet loses his mind, you know, like the room has weather

Or first-girlfriend gravity

Police-knock gravity

Mind-game gravity

Or revolution languishing behind

The sugar in my good friend’s mind

“The difference between me and you

Is that the madness

Wants me forever”

A pair of apartments

Defining both my family

And political composure

Books behind my back

Bail money paved into the streets

Playing:

Euphoria

Cliché

Bracing for the medicine’s recoil

Sharing a dirty deli sandwich with my friends

Black Jacobins

Underground topography

Or grandmother’s hands

Psychology of the mask now

Teeth of the mask again

—

Originally from San Francisco, Tongo Eisen-Martin is a movement worker and educator who has organized against mass incarceration and extra-judicial killing of Black people throughout the United States. His latest curriculum on extrajudicial killing of Black people, We Charge Genocide Again, has been used as an educational and organizing tool throughout the country. His book of poems, Someone’s Dead Already was nominated for a California Book Award.

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hazeleyesirwin · 5 years ago

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i’ve seen you before (part three)

summary: part three of an entirely self-indulgent soulmate au in which everyone has a soulmate and past lives.

warning: mentions of major character death, execution, pregnancy, flashbacks

word count: roughly 3,000

I turned off my phone. I didn’t need to see the pictures. The comments, good or bad. I turned off my notifications. Weeks went by and life was easy. Ashton and I hung out with our friends, who meshed easily. Calum and Chloe started dating. Ashton gave me a key to his house, which meant we stayed there most nights. I went to rehearsal in the morning, he went to the studio, we had dinner together. It was easy. We fell into a routine which was only interrupted by occasional meetings.

I woke up one morning, still wrapped in the warmth of the white blankets on Ashton’s bed. The warm morning light was hitting the wall opposite the bed. Ashton’s shadow moved through the light as he got to his side of the bed. He was still in his clothes from the day before. He pressed a kiss to my forehead then pulled me closer to him. “Ash, why are you dressed?” I murmured. “I couldn’t sleep,” He replied, his voice deeper than it was even in the morning,”I stayed up to write. Calum came over.”

“So that’s why you smell like cigarettes.”

“Mm, yeah.”

“Second hand smoke kills you know.”

“I know, but he tries not to do it around other people unless he’s really stressed.”

I yawned, tearing up in the process. I was pulled even closer to Ashton’s chest. The t-shirt that smells vaguely like his cologne, but mostly like Calum’s cigarettes. I tipped my head back to kiss Ashton. Whiskey masked by mint gum. He told me once chewing gum helped him think. When I broke the kiss I pulled back and watched Ashton’s face. His eyes fluttered open after a moment,”I’m so tired,” He whispered, his voice cracking slightly like he was overwhelmed. “Go to sleep then,” I replied, brushing his hair off his face with my fingertips.

I got up before Ashton, which was a first for a Tuesday morning when Calum was coming over to have breakfast. I wandered downstairs and saw Calum already at the kitchen counter with a bowl of cereal in front of him. He had on the usual tank top and sweats that he always wore this early in the morning. “Did you get enough sleep last night? You guys were up really late,” I asked, pouring myself a cup of coffee from the pot Calum had made. “Didn’t sleep at all,” Calum replied between slurps of cereal. “You can nap on the couch if you want,” I suggested. “He’s writing about you, y’know,” Calum changed the subject so fast it gave me whiplash.

“What?”

“He keeps writing about you. Heartbreaking shit.”

“Heartbreaking?”

“Heartbreaking for a guy whose been single for years and has no end in sight.”

“You have an end in sight, Cal.”

“Yeah, I guess, but my belief system is different than yours or Ash’s. The soulmate thing terrifies me. It brings you two complete clarity and peace. It brings me blinding fear and makes me stutter every time I try to talk to her.”

“Chloe?”

“Yeah, she scares the shit out of me.”

“She really likes you.”

“I like her too, but, fuck, the thought that this might be forever is so terrifying it makes my blood pressure go up to like unhealthy levels.” “The blood pressure thing may just be because you smoke, Calum.”

“Okay, sure, that may be part of it, but she still makes me so nervous I can’t speak. No one has ever done that to me before.”

“That’s sweet, Cal.”

“It doesn’t feel sweet when it’s happening.”

I laughed softly,”You’ll be okay. She gets less terrifying with time, I promise.”

I turned as I heard Ashton come around the corner into the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm and patted Calum’s back with the other hand. He took a gulp out of my coffee cup, his face screwing up in disgust a moment later. He still complains about how my coffee is more milk and sugar than actual coffee. He’s a snob. I caught Calum’s smirk in the corner of my eye.

“Cal, you have to eat more than that sugary shit for breakfast,” Ashton commented after pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Don’t we have this argument every Tuesday?” Calum replied, taking a huge bite of cereal in the next moment. “You do, but Ash always wins,” I piped up, already rummaging around in the fridge for eggs and bacon.

Red vinyl. It squeaks as he sits across from me in the booth. I feel myself blush when he looks at me. He hand touches mine on the table. It’s warm, in a good way. When he suggested a breakfast first date, I’ll admit, I felt a little dirty. Only people who were sleeping together had breakfast dates. We aren’t sleeping together. Far from it. This was my first date. Ever. My mother had told me I needed to get out more, but I was newly eighteen. And he, well, he wasn’t what my mom meant. 21, wears leather. Picked me up for our breakfast date on a motorcycle. We eat breakfast. Eggs, bacon, pancakes. He pays. He kisses me while he’s sitting on his bike. Mint. Aftershave. He grabs my waist and pulls me close. He suggests we get married. I say yes. I don’t know why.

My vision refocused on Calum eating eggs at Ashton’s kitchen counter. “Baby, you’re doing that spacey thing again, you have to eat something,” Ashton said, pressing a kiss to my forehead and putting a plate in my hand in the same motion. Calum’s phone buzzed and he picked it up almost too quickly,”Hello?” He relaxed slightly,”Hey, love.” I watched as his shoulders dropped when he fully relaxed, listening to Chloe chatter about something on the other end of the call. He glows like I haven’t seen before.

I turned to look at Ashton and met his eyes. I leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “I love…” he paused like he was stopping himself,”That our friends are getting along so well.” “Me too,” I replied. He took the plate from in front of Calum and started to do the dishes. After Calum left to go meet Chloe, Ashton ended up napping on the couch. I covered him with a knitted, blue blanket. He looked so peaceful.

The baby looks so small laying on his chest. So small. He has his hand on the baby’s back, rocking her slowly. He’s half asleep, but has a good grip on her. He hasn’t put her down since she was born except to change her. He always has a hand on her. The circles under his eyes are getting deeper every day. She has his eyes. Brown around the edges, green in the center. He has to go back to work in a couple days. I can see how much he’s dreading it. Most fathers don’t stay home with a newborn. That’s a woman’s job. He’s different. He loves our daughter so much. She starts to fuss and he opens his eyes, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head. She’s so small.

Our bubble of being this perfect couple was finally burst when I came home to Ashton one night and he was packing. “Where are you going?” I asked him, sitting on the bedspread beside his open suitcase. “I told you, love, we have a promo tour in Europe this week. Chloe’s coming with Calum,” his answer was sharper in tone than I expected. “Oh,” I stared up at him, his hair falling into his face. “Do not cry. I can’t take that right now,” he snapped at me. “Why would I cry?” I was caught off guard by his statement. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Why are you snapping at me?”

“I’m stressed.”

“About?”

“The promo, you, Calum and I are fighting. Everything.”

“Okay, do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah. Please.”

“What’s stressing you the most?”

“Calum.”

“What was your fight about?”

“You.”

“What about me?”

“I want you to move in and Calum said it was too fast and now we’re fighting.”

“Okay, well, maybe you should hear out his concerns.”

“Really?”

“As much as I want to move in with you, Calum knows you and he isn’t in our love bubble. He might have a point.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s stressing you about the promo?”

“Being away. I know you have nightmares about me leaving.”

“Yeah, I do, but I’ll sleep with my face in your pillow and it’ll be like you never left.”

He smiled weakly at me. I leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. The second I pulled back he pulled me closer and kissed me so hard I thought I might pass out. He made me dizzy. When he pulled away, he sighed and I heard a rattle in his chest,”I don’t want to have to be someone different for the cameras. It’s exhausting,” He finally explained. “You need something to make you different when you’re in front of the cameras being that person rather than being yourself. Maybe just gel your hair back when you’re the character,” I suggested,”I wear a ring when I’m not acting, take it off when I am. It reminds me when I’m me and when I’m a character.” Ashton nodded, leaning down to kiss me hard again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close as we kissed. “I think I’m just tired,” He whispered, partially against my mouth. “Maybe we should stop making out so you can get some rest,” I replied. He hummed softly, an acknowledgment of my statement,”Or I could rest after we make out.”

I tried to pull away from him, but he held me in place. “Ash, c’mon, you need to sleep before you’re absolutely jetlagged tomorrow,” I hated the pleading in my voice. “Let me hold you for a minute,” I heard the pleading is his voice more clearly than in my own. “Didn’t you once say you weren’t cuddly?” I asked, almost sarcastically. “I’m not,” He protested. I ran my fingers through the back of his hair as he hugged me. His body engulfed mine and forced my heartbeat to sync with his. “I’ll miss you,” I whispered, willing my voice not to break, but it did. “Baby, please don’t cry,” Ashton replied to the shake in my voice. “Sorry,” I wiped the few tears streaming down my face away and kissed Ashton’s cheek again. He tightened his grip on me for a moment then pulled away. He pressed another kiss to my lips. Mint. Aftershave.

The next morning I watched as Ashton walked to the car and tried to keep a happy face. I’m not going to be one of those clingy girlfriends that forces their partner to stay home all the time. I’m not going to do it. I don’t know why it upset me this much to see him go. Maybe it was the flash of a flag in my lap or soldiers at my doorstep. That was a different time though. I’ll be honest, losing him is always hard. Whether it’s for the rest of the current life or for a week. I never know if he’s going to come back for me. For the next week, Ashton called me every night, no matter what time it was where they were. When I was finally back in his arms after a week, things felt like they were in place again. This is the biggest fucking cliche I’ve ever written in my life. But, in that time, that’s exactly what it felt like. The pieces of myself being pulled back together in the warmth of Ashton’s arms. We stood in the airport, holding each other as cameras flashed around us. Without warning Ashton let go of me. I stepped away and studied his face for a moment. His eyes poured into mine.

Fire. Sparking. Pricking my skin. I face him. He lets out a broken breath. Fire dancing on three sides of us. The only way out is behind me. “You don’t have to save me,” I hear myself say before I can stop my own voice. I feel the heavy fabric of my skirt under my fingertips. “I did this. I confessed my love to a woman who wasn’t mine to have. That confession brought us here. This is my burden to bear,” His voice is thick. He’s holding back tears. I reach out to touch him. He catches my hand before I can brush his face with my fingertips. “Please, take care of our baby,” He whispers so no one around us realizes what we’ve been hiding. It pains me to know I can’t kiss him here. I squeeze his hand that is still holding mine. I whisper a confession of love and he returns it before letting my hand drop from his and turning to face the men that are going to put him to death. I feel two sets of arms pulling me away from the fire. One voice speaking to me in a hushed tone. I feel the sobs rip through my body as I’m pulled into my room, I feel myself lose him.

#my writing #5sos #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #luke hemmings #ashton imagine #ashton irwin imagine #ashton fic #ashton #luke #calum #michael #soulmate fic #soulmate au #ashton irwin soulmate au #ashton au #5sos au #5sos soulmate au

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homesoutofhuman · 6 years ago

Text

Donuts for breakfast- Johnny Utah (Point Break) x Reader

I couldn’t resist posting what I’ve written so far. As usual I got carried away, so this will be more than one part.

Warnings: Smut, guns, cops, Johnny being a bit of a dom (sorry not sorry), more uses of the f word than you’ve even heard Keanu say.

Part one- You never get a second chance to make a first impression

You’ve been at the LA FBI office for a couple of months, but are still the newest recruit, so everyone gives you shit, as is tradition. You know it’s only to toughen you up, a kind of hazing ritual everyone has to go through, but still, it’s getting to you, the constant teasing and aggression is wearing you down. You sense that it’s made worse because you transferred from outside of the US, these cops really don’t like outsiders.

“Hey Rookie…” Special Agent Utah shoots you a glance as you move into the break room. When you originally met him on your first day at work, you saw he was the most attractive man you’d ever encountered in your life and decided you could hardly look at him, never mind speak to him.

You duck your head, shooting him a quick smile but heading straight to retrieve your salad. Another cop, Agent Fields, kicks the door of the fridge closed so it shuts in your face. You blink at him in shock, feeling tears smarting in your eyes at the unnecessary cruelty. Turning, you get the hell out of there before anyone sees you cry.

Sitting at your desk, trying to ignore the rumble of hunger in your stomach, your thoughts are disturbed by Special Agent Utah clearing his throat and placing a red and white can in front of you.

“I brought you a Coke.” He deposits the drink on your desk and you stare up at him. He shrugs in response. “You can’t be a real American if you don’t drink coke.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be a real American.” you shoot back, poking the can suspiciously as if it were a trap.

“Well you’ve got a really fucking miserable vibe going on and I can’t have it affecting my surfer zen”

Despite yourself you feel a smile tugging at your mouth “What the fuck is surfer zen?”

“You know...shell necklaces, bare feet, being at one with the water, all that…” he gestures as if you have a clue what he’s talking about, then you remember that he’s on some high profile robbery case where the suspects are surfers, and his casual dress makes more sense. You did wonder how the hell he got away with wearing jeans and tank-tops to the office.

“I’ll talk to them…” he says, in a more gentle voice, but when you look up he’s already walking away, smirking back at you over his shoulder. You crack open the can, the sound satisfying to your ears even as you wince at the ingredients, the drink perks you up, gives you energy and helps you get through the day. You tell yourself sternly it’s the sugar and caffeine and not the man who gave it to you.

---------------------------

He’s so fucking loud. You think with frustration. Your plan to avoid Johnny Utah is not as well as you hoped, seeing as he likes to make his presence felt wherever he goes, and for some reason, he’s always wherever you are. He’s caught on to tormenting you, and now, with a very few agents left in the office, when you should be able to have some quiet time to finally catch up on your paper work, he is choosing to have a party with his partner, jumping up on the desks to simulate surfing.

Powered by rage you move to the door of their office and shake you head when you see them drinking beer, surrounded by a mess of files.

“Is there any chance you guys can take this to the pub? I have work to do.” You try to ask nicely, but you see the flash in Johnny’s eyes when someone tries to tell him what to do, and you know he won’t have it.

“The pub?” he scoffs “What the hell are you talking about Rookie this is LA.” He stands up and makes his way over to you, knowing his height will make you feel intimidated. “And besides, this is our fucking office, and we’ll do whatever the fuck we want in here. Want a sip?”

He offers you his nearly full bottle and you shake your head.

“Shame. It could help with the discomfort you must be in from walking around with that stick up your ass.”

Feeling anger overtake your shyness you grab the bottle from him, triumphing briefly at his look of surprise. Then you hoist yourself up on to his desk so you can finally look down on him. “Cheers.” you say, raising the bottle in his direction before downing the entire thing in three chugs.

The look on his face is one you will savour forever. Pure utter shock replaced by awe, then a kind of pride. He slow claps you as you awkwardly jump down from the table. “That was fucking epic Rookie. Come on Pappas, we’ll finish this up another time.”

You watch them go before what you’ve done sinks in and you suddenly panic you’ll be fired, but the only consequence of your daring outburst is that a bond forms between you and Special Agent Utah, and you become something like friends.

----------------------

The day you’ve been dreading arrives. Everyone is getting fitted with their guns, but the supervisor skips over you, tells you to stay behind after, reminds you that you need to be signed off by a superior officer before you can be cleared to carry, and if you can’t carry, you can’t be in the field.

Gossip spreads like wildfire and you’re the joke of the office. You try to explain that your old force didn’t wear guns so you just didn’t get accredited, but no one wants to hear it. They are happy that the heat’s off them and on you, telling you to sit tight at home and make the tea while they do a man’s job.

Johnny comes in, looking like a prince as usual and they all quickly fall about to tell him, despite knowing you are a favourite of his, they can’t help themselves. Johnny chuckles at the news but shakes his head, as if to show they are fussing over nothing, and finds you later, sitting on the cold steps behind the FBI building.

“I can teach you to shoot you know.” he says, sitting beside you. Suddenly you’re overwhelmed, sick of it all, and the last thing you want is pity.

“I don’t need your help Johnny.” you growl spitefully.

Johnny holds up his hand in surrender “Hey, I’m just saying…”

“....I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help.” you repeat, cutting him off. You cannot bear the thought of being his charity case.

“Not helping just...shooting next to you. I really like shooting stuff.”

You laugh despite your terrible gloomy mood. “I’m sorry, thank you, I could really use someone to come with me but I just don’t want our…friendship...to be like that…” you finish, lamely.

“Listen Rookie, I’d be going anyway. My world does not revolve around you.” he reassures you.

And don’t I know it, you think sadly

------------------

As you enter the shooting range the noises, the smell, makes you nervous. Johnny is striding confidently beside you, and you both find a booth to get set up. You still feel humiliated, but you need to get this done. Johnny fires off a few rounds beside you and you adjust your stance a little to mirror his, shuffling your legs out wider than you feel they should go, and let your eyes run over his body, his broad shoulders and shapely muscles arms, snapping back to his eyes when he turns to meet your gaze.

“You know Utah, a person could say, you’re so obsessed with guns because you have a small penis.”

“A person could say that. They’d be wrong, but they could say it.”

Your eyes drift to his 501s and when you glance back up he’s smirking at you

“If you need confirmation of my dick size, all you need to do is ask baby.”

Cheeks burning, you look away, aiming your gun back at the target. “I’ve got a feeling that would leave a bad taste in my mouth.”

Johhny gives a choked laugh in response and you smile quietly in triumph, pull the trigger of your gun and miss by miles.

He’s by your side before you can even raise your shoulder, one hand on your lower back, the other on your arm, pushing it down a little roughly. His breath ghosts the shell of your ear and if you weren’t holding a firearm you’d close your eyes and shiver. Instead you bite your lip hard enough to pierce the skin, wincing at the blood on your tongue.

“Centre your fucking hips, you really are so unaware of your body.” Johnny murmurs, sounding annoyed at you, unfairly you think, for something you cannot control.

Attempting to stretch out the tension in your neck you turn yourself as he instructs, feel his hand nudging at your hip bone, before splaying low on your thighs. His touch seems to be everywhere, all over your body, all at once, and even the lightest trace of his fingers against your skin sets it burning.

“Sexual harassment is a serious thing Johnny.” you growl as you feel his belt digging into your back.

“I agree, but I’m just helping you with your shooting. Hold your arms strong. Are you planning to file a report about me?”

“No.” you answer in a small voice, feeling defeated. “Maybe.”

“You’re funny. I like that.” Standing behind you, Johnny tucks you hair behind your ear, his finger caressing down the side of your neck.

“You know there’s something very sexy about you holding a gun Rookie. Something even sexier about the way you follow my orders.”

Groaning, you attempt to move away from him slightly, feeling your cheeks burning. “You’re perverted, Utah.”

“Something tells me you are too. Shoot.”

You squeeze the trigger without thinking, hit the target right in the head.

“You’re a killer Rookie. Who knew?”

You tell yourself that not murdering him is enough thanks for his help. When you return to the office the others demand to see your certificate and crowd around you, patting you on the back. Your eyes search for Johnny in the crowd, but he is leaving with his surfboard and he simply gives you a silent nod goodbye.

-------------------------------

It’s early morning when you next see Johnny. You’ve come in to do some overtime to help with your bills, and you see him, sitting at the break table, long legs up on another chair, disregarding anyone else who might want to sit there. You go over to him, still a little shy at first. His lankly limbs and their lazy elegance are not helping the situation.

“Donuts for breakfast Utah? That’s disgusting.”

He gives a delighted whoop of joy at your statement. “You are kidding. This is a classic American breakfast. Coffee and donuts, try it.”

“No thanks I’ll pass.”

He sits up suddenly in the chair, and you can see his eyes darken and gleam with mischief. “You have to eat one. You owe me.”

“For fucks sake Johnny…” you start but he holds up a hand. “Uh uh uh...fairs fair Rookie. You’re a bad girl and you never said thank you Officer Utah for teaching me to shoot, for touching me so gently, for not taking advantage like I…”

“JOHNNY!” you interrupt, shocked, and he peals off, sniggering, before getting that determined look on his face again.

“No point in shouting, we’re the only two here. Open your fucking mouth Rookie.”

The way he says it, the command, soft as velvet but firm, makes you shiver down to your bones. You don’t know why your body responds to him like it does, but you are sick of the agony. Giving him a defiant look you open your mouth, flattening your tongue and sticking it out towards him, tipping your head back slightly as if begging for it. Johnny’s cheeks go pink and he leans over you, dark eyes flicking over your face as if memorising the image. “Good girl…”

He picks up a long cruller and you almost laugh at the symbolism as he brings it to your lips. “Don’t bite yet, let the sugar dissolve on your tongue.”

Rolling your eyes you hold his gaze, waiting for permission. There is a beat too long that stretches the joke into something else, and you move to pull away. He immediately grabs your arm, looking desperate and hungry. “Wait, I want you to try it…please” his voice is soft despite his strong grip and without knowing why you obey, letting him feed you, holding the mouthful on your tongue until he nods and you swallow.

Johnny sucks his thumb and wipes sugar off the corner of your mouth. You can feel the heat from his skin warming you even more and you wonder if he’s getting sick. “Well?”

Chewing, you regard him as impassively you can, swallowing and tilting your head, weighing up your decision. “Okay, you got me, it’s fucking tasty, but still vilely fattening.”

“Like we give a fuck Rookie we’re young wild and free!” He lifts his shift to show you a very flat stomach and your eyes focus on a scar that runs over his bellybutton, a trail of dark hair leading down inside his jeans.

“You’re a caveman.” you tell him.

“You love it.” he crows, and you don’t disagree.

TBC- we got angst coming- please tell me what you think!

#i cringe at the donut sex i'm sorrryyyy haha #johnny utah imagine #johnny utah x you #johnny utah x reader #point break imagine #i don't know what the fuck to tag this mate

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

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Survey #228

“blood on her skin, dripping with sin, do it again, living dead girl.”

How many sugars do you like in your tea? Man, I find A LOT of tea or coffee questions in surveys. Anyone who reads these knows by now I hate tea. Ever heard of a band called The Dresden Dolls? I fucking love "The Gardner," but it's the only song I know. What was the last movie you saw that made you laugh out loud? Idk, I watch movies so rarely. Who’s your favorite superhero? Deadpool, if you count him (technically an anti-hero, I kno). Otherwise, I don't really know. Possibly Spider-Man. What does your regular attire consist of? Pajama pants and tank tops lmaoooo. Popsicles or Ice cream? Ice cream. Are you good at solving math problems in your head? It's almost impossible for me to. Even simple addition. What kind of M&Ms do you like best? Normal chocolate ones. What is the last thing you tried on in a store? Uhhhh I think formal shirts when I was actually working on getting a job... Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? No. Does your best friend wear makeup? No. Have you ever dated someone in secret? No. How do you get splinters out? Tweezers. Do you ever send people good morning texts? Sara sometimes. Is there someone who makes you blush when you just say hi to them? No. Do you kiss your pets? Of course. Why did you go to church the last time you went? My then-friend was having a serious "reborn" and devout Christian phase. Who’s the richest person you know? I don't know. How old is the oldest person you know? I also don't know. 90-something. Who's the last person who asked your name? My math professor needed a refresher when handing out test results. Have you ever been so drunk you couldn’t even talk right? No. Do you know anyone with a million middle names? I know someone with three or four. Do online dating sites ever work? For some people. When you were a teenager, did your parents set rules about dating? No. Have you ever lived with a person who you tried to avoid at all costs? No. Have you ever committed a crime that directly harmed another person? No. Did you grow up in an urban, suburban, or rural area? I guess suburban/rural mix? Which disease do you personally think is the most horrible? Alzheimer's. What is your worst childhood memory? I mean it depends on what stage of childhood, but I'm going to assume you mean like, pre-pre-teen years. In that case, just my parents fighting. Do you remember where you first drove to after getting your license? N/A What did you get into trouble for the most when you were a kid? Fighting with my little sister, probably. What is your biological sex? Female. What is the oldest gaming console you own? A GameBoy Advance. Of all the houses you’ve lived in, which has been your favorite? If you excuse the bad memories, my previous one. Do you get sunburnt easily? Oh yeah. What’s the color of your front door? White. Your favorite ice cream flavor: It alternates between just plain chocolate and vanilla. How many people have you been really in love with? Twice. Your favorite song at the moment: "Necessary Evil" by Motionless In White feat. Jonathan Davis. What’s most important for you? My well-being. Do you snore? No. What are you looking forward to right now? Mark's next big project comes out October 30th and I can't physically wait, but after that, all I care about is December getting here so I can go up to Sara's. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? N/A Do you use reusable shopping bags to reduce waste? No, but I wish... I don't do the shopping in my house, so it's not really my decision. How many times have you moved? Three times *really*, but you could kinda say four when Jason, me, and our two friends/another couple moved into an apartment together; my name was in no way involved as being an official resident, but it eventually came to a point where I was there every day and night for quite a while. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? No. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? HA HA fuck no. They've been divorced since I was like 16. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I lean towards no, but it's possible, sure. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? Yes. Do any of your neighbors have loud children? No. Who would you say is your hero? Mark, my mom, Sara. You can only shop at one store for the rest of your life where would it be? If you're talking about in order to buy everything, from food to clothes, I'd have to say Walmart. Do you text type or do you type out all your words? Mostly the latter, but I'll use "lol," "otw," stuff like that sometimes. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? No. I'mma be real honest, I don't think I ever would. I just DO NOT trust people. It's fact that the money is usually used for alcohol and drugs, and I've seen news of more than enough posing assholes. Who are you living with? My mom and pets. What are your opinions on colored contacts? Cool as fuck, wish I could wear them. Are you comfortable with your body? Fuck no. What is one thing in your life that is no longer there, that you miss? A social life. What do you believe is the best thing about being a kid? No responsibilities. Life is just simpler. Last time you had a s'more? Shortly after Sara left when she visited. We had leftover stuff so Mom and I made a few. Do you like peppermint candy? Yeah. Do you like spearmint or peppermint gum better? Peppermint, I think. Do you prefer fruity flavors over minty ones? Yes. Do you have a little Pink brand dog from Victoria’s Secret? No. What is the last thing you blew? Idr, I'm sure some kind of food. What’s the last gift you received? Sara got me a mug with a super relevant Markiplier quote sobs- What did your parents do today? I don't live with my dad so idk, but I know my mom's at work. What is the symbol for your type of computer? It's just the brand name. Do the clothes you’re wearing have any type of symbol on them now? Skulls. Do you like peas? NO. Where is your favorite place to be massaged? I wouldn't know, but probably my shoulders? Do you like composition books, or spiral notebooks? Spiral notebooks. The person you like, what color eyes do they have? Brown. So what is your favorite physical feature about that person? She has a freckle on her hip that is so fucking cute. What kind of four wheeler do you have? I don't have and never have had one. Do you live where there are a lot of cows? Sure, I guess. What is your favorite animal with spots? Probably snow leopards. Give me your opinion on sports. I don't have a problem with them (save for like, boxing and ones that can seriously harm people), but I'm not into them. Why do you play the sports you do? N/A Do you actually care about your school work and what grades you make? Yes I care. Do you have a typical family, or a weird one? Honestly a pretty broken one. Do you have a favorite letter? Probably "z," particularly in cursive. From the room you're in can you hear a door shut when someone arrives there? Sometimes. What states have you been to in the past year? Just NC and Illinois. Well, I obviously flew over other states, but I've only stayed in those two. Have you ever sleepwalked? I have not. Do you want children? Why/why not? "Hell no. I don’t like kids and I don’t want the rest of my life to be centred around one." <<< That's a great description for myself as well. I know I would be a fucking awful mother, too. Not as in I'd be mean to my child, absolutely not, it's just I barely manage to take care of myself a lot of the time. I'm not emotionally fit for that job and the stress it entails, at all. And yeah, being willing to make someone else my world is something I'm never doing again. I want my attention to stay on myself, my spouse, and pets. Do you have any credit card debt? Hi, I'm 23 and don't own and never have owned a credit card. Who do you go to for relationship advice? Honestly, I don't. I look within myself for those answers, really. I think I'm pretty intelligent and aware of how to maintain a healthy relationship. There's been times I've talked to my mother about things, but yeah, she's not the greatest to talk about all that with. What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Swimming. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully. I think. Did you ever take a personal finance class in school? None were offered at my high school. I don't know if they are now at my college, though, but I don't think so. They need to be, and mandatory. I don't have the slightest goddamn clue how to handle money. How’s your mental health? Are you feeling well? I'm going through a rough patch right now. School is stressing me. Not having a job and struggling with money to the extreme is about to make my hair fall out. Do you struggle with acne? Not anymore. Did you have a Xanga page back in the pre-Myspace days? I've never had a Xanga. Around what year did you start using the internet, anyways? I was like, 9-10? Maybe even earlier with Webkinz and Neopets, idr. I know I started RP in 2005, and that's when I was very actively online. Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? A few. Forum RP is definitely the "weirdest," hence why I hide it publicly. Then there's photographing roadkill. The LOOKS Mom tells me I get when I'm on the ground next to a dead animal, lol. I've had questions, stares, and cars turn around aplenty to make sure I'm okay. I'm really self-conscious about doing it, but I really love doing it for the purpose of forcing eyes onto just how brutal roadkill can be because of us, and the validating comments I've gotten about it online pushes me to keep going with it. Well, that and of course just sincerely enjoying it. That being said, I like gore - in moderation, and some kinds are just off-limits without me getting grossed out. "Vulture culture" (the use of naturally deceased animals in some form of artwork) is also something I am very very interested in. Wet specimens of anything are cool as all fuck. There's a load of unconventional things I enjoy. What temperature do you keep your thermostat set at in the winter? Uhhhh idk, 70-something. Have you ever fostered an animal? No, but I am 110% fostering opossums once I get my own place and am authorized and properly equipped to do so. What is something you thought you’d never like, but you enjoy now? Hm. OH, ketchup. I hated that shit as a kid. Did your parents ever not let you watch any television shows as a child? Yeah, but none in exact come to mind. Basically like, MTV and stuff like that was a big no. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Who was this kiss with? I just turned 16. It was with Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. Have you ever betrayed one of your parents in any way at all? Doing what? I don't think so. What are your favorite stores to go to when you visit the mall? Hot Topic and Spencer's is like all I care about that we have available near here. Has anyone ever told you they don't like the way you run your life? Ohhhhhhhhhh, I wasn't the only one who experienced that with her. At all. Does it bother you when you comment someone’s pictures and they don't even comment you saying ‘thank you’ or comment one of your pictures? I find it rude if they in no way acknowledge a compliment, yes, but you don't have to say thanks. Just like, like/hearting the comment (I'm using Facebook as my platform here) says enough to me that you're appreciative. Now for the second half of the question, that's stupid. I don't care if someone doesn't comment on a picture. Or anything. When was the last time you had a shot? Are you behind on those right now? I had a few numbing shots into my gums when I had a cavity filled early this month/late last month since my tongue ring finally caused one. I'm not behind on any required ones. Have you ever had a really rare disease, virus, or illness? Really rare, I don't think so? When was the last time you just, genuinely went somewhere with friends? Been a looooooong time, idk. Probably not since I was still friends with Colleen. Would you consider yourself a hygiene freak, or do you not care much? Neither of those fit me. Though I'm more likely to neglect myself out of the two. It depends on how I'm doing. That hasn't entirely healed since recovery. Are you old enough to live by yourself or are you just mature enough? I'm definitely old enough, just not independent or healthy enough, or financially capable. What is one thing you stopped doing just because everyone else stopped? I've never moved with fads. Have you ever been considered the freak of your class at any time in life? "Freak" seems a bit strong of a word, but "the weird kid," probably. Have you ever been to a Sea World before? Which one in which state? As a kid, yes, in Florida. I wouldn't now as an adult; I do not even remotely support their captivity of whales. I don't know all the facts behind their business so can't speak for all the animals, and I am not against all animal captivity so long it is providing and with good purpose (conservation, education, etc.), but nothing will make me pay to support the incredibly incompetent housing and mistreatment of whales. Do you believe in any kind of magic? Is it the stereotypical kind? *shrugs* I mean I dunno, define "magic," I guess. I personally believe some form of greater intelligence created the universe, and I suppose that's "magic." The person I copied this from brought up a great point, too: Science itself can seem pretty magical, so where do you even draw the line? Ex., the evolution of caterpillar to butterfly. That shit's fuckin' wild. A living thing melts to mush and is reformed in an entirely and completely new body. With wings, dude. There are truly a lot of natural things that occur in our world that make that line we've created blurry. Are you currently working on any kind of project at this moment in time? An argumentative essay on climate change in College Writing, if you call that a "project." I haven't started writing truly in-depth yet and may switch my focus to arranged marriages (seems random, yeah, but they're from a set list of options relevant to the book we read), only because I get fucking heated talking about climate change, and our professor made a point of not "preaching," and I also have to be capable of writing a paragraph of concession, that being an acknowledgment of the opposing point and considering its views, but. I don't think I could give climate change deniers' mindset even a sliver of genuine thought. As absolutely awful and appalling as they are, at least I can see a reason (a terrible one, but you get me) like hastening procreation in arranged marriages. Okay wow rambling ANYWAY yeah, in the starting stages of writing an essay. Which do you do more: read books, spent time online, or watch television? I'm like... always online, so yeah. What do you do the most when you’re online? Listen to/watch YouTube. Which foot is bigger, your left or your right? I don't know, I've never noticed. Do you think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating? Personally I believe anyone should be able to, but by society's standards, I am. Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a themed b-day party? As a kid, yeah. Were you afraid of heights as a child? Nope. Do you think it’s stupid when you’re dying to have someone pray that you don’t feel afraid? (I would want them to pray that I live, personally) No? I don't believe that there's power in prayer period, but it's kind, realistic, and encouraging to hope they stay unafraid. Death is natural and happens to every single living thing, so truly, we shouldn't fear death all too much. What’s the strangest thing you’ve wrapped a present in? Uh nothing? Do you enjoy and appreciate life? Or is this something you need to learn? I appreciate it very much, but I do need to learn to enjoy it more. Have you ever made a pom-pom out of yarn? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? N- oh wait, in Sunday school as a young child, I was Mary in one. I don't remember HOW large the role was, but I would assume it was relatively big. Do you know how to use iMovie? I've never really tried it. I could probably figure it out pretty quickly, though. Would you raise your kids differently than your parents raised you? In some ways. For one, I would fucking not spank them. What was the best part about college? I most enjoy the flexibility of my schedule. It's not a 7-hour or whatever day every weekday. If you were homeschooled, did you come up with a school mascot? If so, what? N/A How many times a day do you check your cell to see if you have a text? Whenever it vibrates. Ever wonder if the person you hate will become the person you marry? *Hated but lmao that might just happen. If you could live in three places, a year each, where would they be? Germany, California, and maybe Canada. Your choice of transportation for anything: camel, jet pack or carriage? Carriage, probably. Think of a movie and now give me that movie title: The last person said Titanic so now I'm thinking romances, so The Notebook. Quote a line from that movie: "Tell me I'm a bird." "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." I wanted that as a tattoo with my spouse one day once upon a time. Aw! A line from your wedding vows is now: I want to recite the Corpse Bride vows with my partner. I don't feel like looking them up rn. Name a song: "God's Gonna Cut You Down" by Marilyn Manson, 'cuz that's what I'm listening to. What’s a line from that song? "Sure as God made black and white, what's done in the dark will be brought to the light." Name your two favorite characters from a TV show or movie: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. Lust and Envy, probably. When was the last time you fell asleep in a car? I dunno. How often do you think about death? Not too often? Do you believe what comes around goes around? Not always, but cause and effect makes it so sometimes. What about everything happens for a reason? NOPE. Can you sing? Not well. What kinds of little advertisements are on this page right now? None rn. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? I don't believe so. Do you have any freckles on your feet? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Black, when I do. I barely ever wear makeup, though. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? BENTLEY DOES, particularly with guests (once he trusts them, anyway). If Teddy is getting attention, odds are he's gonna come on over and stick his nose in it. Do you have any brightly colored pants? No. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? The laundry room. It's either hot or cold as fuck, depending on the season. Can you solve a Rubik’s Cube? No. I'm not good at planning future steps. Do you remember the last question you were asked? What did you answer? Well, besides the last survey question, I really don't. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? No.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

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smolbeandrabbles · 6 years ago

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Win Life - Gerry x Reader (Mississippi Grind)

Authors Note: I’ve been wanting to use that stupid card image for years! And now I finally can! You know, when Mississippi Grind ended I sat there for a good five minutes wondering how that could possibly be it. Like, I need a wrap up / sequel! Then I started thinking about what could happen... This fic has elements of that story in it but is very much its own thing. I can’t stand that I didn’t know what happened to Gerry but also that the more I thought on it the more I wondered if it could possibly have a happy ending? Anyway, I read a post on Tumblr quoted as saying Gerry wouldn’t even make it out of State with the money. Which I thought was kinda harsh on him. So here. I wrote our boy an ending.

The cat was meant to be a big part of it, then she kinda became an add on but I didn’t have the heart to take her out...!!

Disclaimer: You know when you sing songs, look up the lyrics and go ‘Really?! Those can’t be the lyrics!?’ Well, I edited the lyrics here. So, apologies Luke Bryan. But mine are better for the #Context. I don’t own any characters except for the Reader. I’ve also never been gambling/played cards soooo... You’re just gonna have to take what I’ve written for those parts, ok?

Premise: Months after his encounters with Curtis are over, Gerry meets another mysterious stranger. She’s got big ideas and they all include him. Maybe just once his luck won’t actually leave...

Word Count: 8330

Warnings: Gambling / Drinking

Been in a couple scrapes, I barely got out of Got a couple scars, I kinda ain't proud of But you can't be afraid to drive until the gas tank's empty And if your glass is half full, you better make damn sure it's whiskey!

And be more drunk in love and habits kicked More miracles than magic tricks More green grass grows than green on dollar bills More babies raised, than raising hell More get back ups than times you fell, Well, I don't know it all, Hey, but I know how it feels, To be the guy that's trying to come back from behind, Still trying to win life

But if you lose yourself in someone else Than maybe you don't lose at all...

---

Read this like snippits from a road trip. It’s by no means the whole story. But it is the important points.

Gerry thought he might have noticed her before. She looked out of place here. Sharp dressed, standing against a car... and watching him?? He had thought so before. Today she was standing with a white cat on her shoulder. If she wasn’t looking at him, then it was all too much of a strange coincidence... He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and focused on his coffee.

You looked from the photograph, to him, and back again. He had to be the guy... You looked to your cat and constant companion. “Gotta be him...” You were as relieved as you were surprised that he’d be exactly where Curtis said he would be. It meant you wouldn’t have to track him around the country. You put her back in the car and crossed to the little cafe.

“Gerry?” Her voice was smooth and silky sending an odd sensation across his skin as he looked up to her. Clearly, she was looking for him. “Yes?” Why was she looking for him exactly? Was the question.

You gave a sweet smile; he was a heck of a lot cuter in real life than the picture made him out to be. Maybe Curtis sending you here was going to turn out better than you’d thought. “Thank goodness. I’m Y/N! May I sit?” He nodded, his glance at you nervous. Probably because everyone else in the cafe was now craning to see exactly why you we’re talking to him. You did so, and to save him from looking any more shy than he did, you cut right to it;

“Curtis sent me all the way up here to check on you... “ You smiled “his heart always was in the right place...” He instantly relaxed at a name he recognised “Curtis sent you!? How’s he doing?!” You nodded “Very well. Yeah, but he’s much more concerned with how you are doing...” “I’m okay.” You didn’t believe that for a second with the way he said it. “He says, sounding the most un-OK anyone has ever sounded...?” You tilted your head “... I knew he wouldn’t ask me to do this if he wasn’t concerned. From what I observed, you do seem to be... Ok. But you don’t sound it...” Something was going on behind the front he was trying to put up. But you’d become extremely good at reading those. He sighed “Yeah I’ve noticed you...” You smiled as he continued “You’re not exactly hard to spot in a town like this... if you wanted to be more inconspicuous...” You shrugged “It’s not about me...” “Why did he send you?” “I just observe things.” True enough. “Did he pay you?” Then he looked like that wasn’t the correct thing to imply. “I owe him a favour ...” You decided to answer as if it wasn’t a yes/no question. Gerry made a face like he accepted it, although he didn’t have much of a choice. “Excuse me. Can I get you anything?” The waitress came over, looking like she’d draw the short straw, and looked between you and Gerry for far too long. “Coffee would be great. Black, please.” She hesitated for a second, but when it was clear you weren’t going to continue until she was gone, she had to concede. “So,” He stirred his own drink with a smile “she likes her coffee black and her cats white...” He’d noticed. Good. “Sookie? Yeah, she accompanies me around everywhere.” “Sookie?” “You’re clearly not a True Blood fan!” You laughed “Is she part of your investigation on me too?” He’d be surprised how much you could gauge from that; “No. She’s helpful, from time to time...” you paused your sentence as the waitress brought your coffee, and you stirred in a healthy amount of sugar. “You’re a cat person too.” He opened his mouth to answer, when he realised it wasn’t a question. “I own a cat. Yeah...”

You nodded, there was of course going to always be something you liked about him. You were starting to think that this might have been a set-up. And a couple of days from now Curtis’d be calling and laughing in your face. Only, you also felt he might have a point here. You took a sip and looked to Gerry again, he couldn’t hold your gaze very well. Probably because he knew why Curtis would send you, and you were about to start asking the difficult questions. “Did it help?” You didn’t start where he expected “W-what?” “The money. Did it help?” “...With... what?” That was a No. Clear as day. “... There’s not a lot I don’t know about you from Curtis, Gerry. Just answer the question. At least tell me you got out of State...?” He caught on quick, thankfully. “... I got all the way back here...” Curtis had more faith in him than you did. “And then?” “It helped for a little while... Yeah...” He’d started with child support, because he wanted to see his daughter again. He’d started paying debts off, but that always led to tables and... Well, here he was.

You answered your mobile with a roll of your eyes; “So how is he?” “He needs a lot more work than you think he does...” A sigh followed “Can you do it?” “I don’t know Curtis... There’s a difference between trying and doing, and I can try.” “You gotta do more than try!! Tell me it isn’t all gone.” “You can’t fix him by gambling. You’re asking me to fix him by having him gamble for it...” “Because you CAN fix him.” “Why? Because he’s my type? I’m starting to think you’ve sent me to fix something else.” There was an awkward pause but you could hear his cheeky smirk “Maybe. Maybe not. IS it all gone?” “No. But he’s gotta be sensible.” “You’re the only one I know that KNOWS how to walk away.” “On one condition will I do this.” “I thought I already agreed to all your conditions” “When I walk away, you have to give up on him Curtis. If I can’t fix this... It needs to go professional and you’re gonna let me do that. Also. I’m not playing a table with him or for him.” “No I NEED you to play it for him.” “Curtis it’s his life! It’s not yours! It’s not mine. I can’t tell him how to play.” “Please. Can you just... you need to teach him when to walk away.” “You’re asking me to teach him to walk away from his gut instinct and he won’t like that.” “Teach him to have better gut instinct!” You breathed out a heavy sigh; yeah like that was easy...

*** "So..." You were starting to make a quick habit out of meeting in this coffee shop. He noticed today you had dressed down considerably though. He also noticed how you only ever ordered a black coffee, and that left him wondering what you did the rest of the day when you weren't talking to him. "... I cannot imagine roadtripping with Curtis. And neither can I imagine you roadtripping with Curtis. What is that even like!?" You leant on your hand, clearly amused. “It was a lot of good fun. When we were winning." but he grinned "Or maybe it was just a lot of good fun! Y'know, he's a good guy.” "Yeah I know." you agreed "He'd just really get on my nerves. Knows how to push my buttons too well. Maybe you're just what he needed..." Someone with a calm demeanour, a little on the shy side. But could play, and that Curtis could help out. A drifter he may have been but, he always loved helping people. "Maybe he's just what I needed too. " You could imagine that, Gerry looked like the kind of guy who needed ANYBODY at any given time. And, apparently, now he needed you. But, you weren't for thinking that you couldn't use him too… "Would you ever consider doing it again?" "Doing what?" He squinted as he searched you for an answer, that made you wonder how good he was at reading people. If he played, then he should at least have an inkling. "Another road trip?" "That'd be fun yeah." But the look on your face made him realise you were serious "Oh!! Wi- With you!?" You nodded slowly "First we have to get your game up a little… I've got a plan. And I'd like for you to hear it, but I need you to trust me first... And I gotta be able to trust you." "What's wrong with my game?" You smirked "First off. You gotta know when to quit. I've been assured that's a problem. And I can't afford to do this with someone who won’t cash out. Because, believe it or not, it’s the money we need. A small cash out is better than nothing. Or worse, losing it. Second, you gotta play like the people you'll be playing against. Not just the way you play. You have to be adaptable..." He raised an eyebrow, "You think I can't adapt my game?" "I don't think you've ever tried. Play the table. Not the cards!" "I know how to play a table..." "No you don't, not the way I'm going to teach you." "I do! I'm good at reading people." he tilted his head "Okay. Not you and Curtis... You're so alike it's scary but... Everyone else..." You smiled, it was something you wanted to hear "Gerry, what are you gonna do if you end up facing up against a table of people like me and Curtis. How are you gonna win then?" He didn't look like he had an answer for that, but at least you smiled at him "Don't worry. I'll help you with that..." ***

All at once you could see why he had several problems. Currently you were sitting around a table, you and him going through a bunch of scenarios. You'd recruited some ‘friends’ of yours, that Gerry thought you were using the term ‘friends’ loosely for, specifically so they could help out...

The scenario work was actually pretty good. He could certainly talk the talk, and well. Everything you threw at him he could give you a good comeback. And when it was just you vs him at cards that was fine too. You guessed that was because he seemed comfortable around you. And you weren't playing for anything. He didn't often lose but when he did, he would laugh at the play you made "Well! Would you look at that! That was some good bluffing!"

Around this table, you weren't playing, you were watching. The first couple of games you'd been observing the whole table. You tried not to think of the games you were used to when all three of them were making terrible decisions and getting away with them. No matter, it was good you saw Gerry’s complications now. Eventually you started directly observing him. That's what you were here for after all, and if you let him go on playing like this you weren't going to get anywhere. "Mmm." You watched his hand hover over a card. Gerry don't do that! That's dumb! When it stayed there you did it a little louder "Uh-uh." He put his hand down and looks to you "What!?" You just shook your head. You weren't going to say it out loud, but could he just read the goddamn table again!? He had a much better play. He looked back to his hand, then selected another card. Better! There we go!

This continued for another couple of games. Until you fell silent. And that was bad because then he started second guessing himself, so he started losing.

You sighed. "Hang on! Stop a minute!" They all looked to you, head in your hands "Gerry. Don't make me say it out loud..." "Yeah, I get it. You're trying to make me make better plays." "Yes..." "Well that's what I'm trying to do." "No, now you're second guessing every move you make and you're starting to lose it. Focus!" "You’re deliberately changing my game strategy. It's gonna take time!" He had a point. And you felt bad. But it was time you didn't have. "Okay... You're right, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm just trying to help you be one without being the other. I don't want you to think about every move you’re making... I'm trying to get you to play smarter! I know you can do it. And I didn’t need Curtis to tell me that. You have an answer for everything I throw at you... " You sat on the table and looked to him "But theory isn't practice. Only you also PLAY extremely well. The problem is you don't play like the people you're gonna come up against out there, and if we're gonna do this you're going to have to start. This is good. This is a good start. But you know as well as I, I can't help you out there.” "I know. And I can. " He had a defiant confidence. You liked that. And with a smile on your face, you knew he could too.

*** “Before we leave you need to do one thing for me…” “Okay…” He was just too trusting; it left you perplexed sometimes. Like you could ask him to do literally anything and he’d up and do it. You were the exact opposite; almost too careful. But his personality made sense for Curtis to take him in. Hell, you wouldn’t have come all the way here for Gerry without his guidance. “Everyone you owe. I want a list, names and amounts.” He frowned “Why?” “Why do you think we’re doing this?! I’m getting you out of debt. Well, you’re getting yourself out. But I’m going to keep track.” “So… We’re… NOT doing this for us?” “It is for you! You’re gonna get even. Which sounds like it’ll be an achievement in itself…” You looked across to him; “So do I get a list or not? Because this car doesn’t move without one. Not with you in it, anyhow.” That just made him nod vigorously “Y-Yeah I can do that.” You smiled “Excellent! See you tomorrow!” You knew you confused him by the way you went from being so serious to so cheery. But you wanted to let him know you didn’t come to mess around – or make friends. Though Gerry’s personality made that second statement increasingly hard.

*** After the first few table runs, which had been admittedly shaky even when he wasn’t playing with his own money, Gerry seemed to get the hang of following your lead. And your presence seemed to have the Curtis effect on him. He wondered if he’d perhaps stumbled across another Rainbow, or, one had so happened to find him… As he was playing at home, on familiar territory, and learning – you were letting him keep the money for himself. Hopefully your influence was doing some good. You hadn’t exactly told him how to spend it. You just hoped the answer was wisely. You’d imparted the importance of the list to him, so hopefully he’d been savvy enough to get started. Every win he made boosted his confidence; you just made sure to ground him. You knew sitting around afterwards critiquing his moves put a dampener on things, but you didn’t want him to get over confident. OR get to the stage where he thought he couldn’t lose. The key was to have him cash out, not to go so far he lost it all again. So when the time finally rolled around, he actually looked surprised; “You played well tonight. It was good to see!” Wait, you’d just paid him a compliment!? “I think you’re ready!” “For the road trip!?” “Mm hmm…! If you’re still up for it?” He laughed “Yeah! Yes! Absolutely! It’ll be good for a change of scenery! We… uhm… taking your car?” “Unless there’s a problem with that?” “Nope. No. No problems…” “Questions?” He shook his head, but then thought on it; “When do we leave?” “Tomorrow too early?” “NO.”

*** There was quite the adrenalin rush from his first win under new management. He was pleased with himself that the hard work had paid off. You were pleased everything had worked out in his favour and your effort was not all for naught, so he didn’t end up thinking it had been a waste of time. “What do we do with all this now??” He still hadn’t quite calmed down. The win was modest, but still good. You’d picked your road trip carefully, you’d build up the amounts, the stakes and the buy ins… As long as Gerry kept winning. That was all there was to it. You pulled out the list, for once hating to bring him down even just a little bit; “We start ticking off…” “What?” “Sorry, Gerry, this is what we came for. I’m your money management.” Unsurprisingly he was reluctant to hand it over “ALL of it? You don’t need all of it!” You only made him face his own handwriting; “It’s a long list. We have a long way to go. They aren’t paying themselves!” He did so. Because again, he trusted you for some reason. You were thankful your math was good as you did a quick count and separation in your car. He watched you, fascinated, as you ticked off several names before rummaging around for research of your own and a bunch of envelopes. “Addresses!? You found addresses!?” “Yeah! I did a little research…” You smiled “I want to help. I’m sure that’s pretty unbelievable…” You had spent a lot of time pushing him. “No!” He laughed “I didn’t say that! Geez… Did you do all that in your head…?” “Easy! Easy, easy…!” You turned to him and held out a bunch of notes you’d separated; “You did very well Gerry. You earned this.” He took it from you with a grateful smile. Money that was now really his. You gave a wink; “Just don’t do anything with it I wouldn’t approve of!” *** He cashed out after you made your move. It was subtle, but significant. Why!? Why!?! There was still so much left to win here - what was he doing!? You weren't particularly sure you liked the way he looked as you as he got up either. Prompting you to follow him out of the doors into the quiet corridor. Where he almost literally turned on you; "Why did you do that!?" "Do what?" "You know what you did!" "Do you have any idea how much money you were about to lose!?" He sounded frustrated. If Gerry could get angry, then you figured this was it. "Then just let me lose!!! Y/N!! You can't fix me! Nothing can fix this!! Some guys were just born to lose!!! I'm one of them!" "How can you say that about yourself!? If you think like that you're gonna become a self-fulfilling prophecy!!" "Listen. Y/N. I won’t win by cheating. I can't do that. Winning surely isn't that important to you!?". "I'm trying to help you!" "No! No!! I don't want you to do that! I don't want to win by any means necessary...!!" "You do understand how much debt you’re in right!?" "Yeah!! You don't think I don't think about those numbers every damn second I add to them!?!?! I don't get to see my daughter BECAUSE of those numbers! But do you honestly think that when I do get to see her again I'm going to be able to look her in the eye if I cheated my way there!?! Stop it. I don't want to win this way. I might as well lose if I'm gonna win this way! If I'm going to win! If we're going to do this, we need to do it honestly!!”

There was a silence. Because you didn't think about it like that. And he was right. You were seeing numbers on a page. For you that's what this trip was about. That and your promise to Curtis. To Gerry, even though he'd agreed to those very same numbers... That wasn't why he was here. He had something else to be here for, something much more emotional. Something very real. You bit your lip "You’re right." He looked taken aback for a minute. He'd not seen you back down on an argument before "Gerry... You're... Absolutely right and I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I didn't even think... And I knew... God... I'm..." He shook his head "I get it. We're here for different reasons. And I know what you're doing... But... Can we do this for my reasons. Not yours. I can't fight... I can't WIN for the reasons you want me too... Okay?" "Okay..." you nodded "That's fair. I… wasn't even thinking about it like that... I took away the emotional motive... I'm sorry. I guess I just don't think that way." "Maybe you should try. Getting emotional. I mean." He smiled "You have a great smile. You know sometimes I see it, and know you feel things... You can feel. You're not so hard as you look." He pointed back to the casino "Now. I think I can kinda get back on a streak with this understanding..." "Really!? Are you sure!? Gerry I don't want you just saying that!! Cause I-" "AW! C'MON! I'm not!! " He grabbed your hand with a laugh, "Let's do this. Together. Y/N! We're a team now! Remember!" ***

"Alright. Deal me in." you sat. Gerry opened his mouth to protest. Was he really doing THAT badly!?! Was this to bail him out or teach him something...? With the way you'd been going, he could only imagine that you were about to teach him something. It made his playing take a back seat. Because he was curious. He'd watched you play before, but observing you playing whilst on a table with you... Was this a test? Could he win against you or not? After a period, he just stopped trying. Your attitude was crazy. You let nearly every play show on your face. And occasionally you would mutter things to yourself. That didn't make any sense as a strategy. That was a sure-fire way to lose!!

"Okay..." Gerry was still sitting with you as the table cleared "How the HELL did you just win." "Reverse psychology." you smiled mischievously "Everyone likes watching the rest of the table. Draw on that. Every good card is terrible and every bad card is the best thing you could have been gifted? Think about that. That draws the other players to make cocky mistakes. So, when they call and you have an amazing hand despite looking like you’re gonna lose everything, not only do you get the satisfaction of winning. You get the satisfaction of wiping that cocky little smirk off their faces." You leant towards him, "Though that could just be because I'm a girl and want to take all these chauvinistic males down... I dunno. " "Is that how you always play?” "No, something I picked up." "It's how Curtis plays." "Ahhh! Yes. Very good!" "Who taught who?" He’d figured out there was no way it was coincidence. "Not a taught thing, more a collab!" He laughed "The first time I ever played him he sat at the table and said Aces are good right!" You couldn't help but laugh, yeah that sounded like Curtis. "But you don't talk. He talks. A lot." "I would talk more... I don't have anything interesting to say." "Aw. I don't know about that. I think you could teach these guys a thing or two." You almost blushed "Yeah... Maybe. But you're the only one that actually listens." He stopped, and you thought he was the one blushing "Oh. Well... I'm sorry about that..." "Don't be. You’re the only person I want to listen to me…" And you were aware of the way you'd said it. And the next look he gave you. And the way you were leaning towards him on your hands. So you leant back, "I - I mean. You know. Given the task at hand!" "W-Well yeah! I get it!" Something told you he'd 'got' a lot more than that, though...

***

When Gerry awoke, he was disoriented. None of the signs that he was seeing seemed to point to the place you’d said you were heading... He sat up and looked around for any indication of where you were “...Y/N...??” “Yes...” He could tell by your voice that he had interrupted a train of thought as you stared at the open road ahead. “...Where are we...? There are no signs for-” You smiled, still not looking at him “Detouring. Slightly. Actually, there’s a casino where we’re going, so, I’m helping you a little.” “Where we detouring to??” You had said slightly, so you must have been close to your meticulously planned route. “...Home.” You said it softly. “Home? Your home!?” You nodded, eyes flicking to the sleeping cat in the back seat; “It’ll be good to have a base for a couple of days if nothing else. Regroup... Take stock... Go back to playing mid-tables. I think I better give you some low stakes and remind you sometimes this is fun, not always hard work.” He shook his head “No! no! This - This is fun!!” He made you laugh with how quick he was to defend the whole trip. He was so sweet and had one heck of a big heart. You couldn’t help it nor deny it, you were falling for him pretty damn hard.

When he was here with you in your car, or anywhere that wasn’t a table, he was perhaps one of the sweetest men you’d ever met. All be it with one of the biggest gambling problems you’d ever seen. But when he was at a table, playing, it was like something switched on. All that assured confidence when he had a good hand or things were just generally swaying in his direction. From the way he spoke to the way he sat, it wasn’t sweet - it was damn near sexy.

What was the phrase... Get you a man who can do both? *** You pulled up outside the house and could instantly tell Gerry was staring at the car in the driveway; "Uuhhhhh...!!!" You shook your head at him, "Pretend you didn't see it...!" you grinned "W-W-Why? It's..." His chuckle was nervous "It's gorgeous." "I know. Why do you think I drive around in this one!" You shook the top of his arm playfully and turned to your cat, "Sookie!" She mewled, jumping onto your lap from the back seat, nuzzling your face playfully. "Okay...Okay... Say goodbye to Gerry too, we've got work to do..." She purred louder as Gerry ran a hand through her fur; "You really are a cat person. Thank God..." "I wasn't lying!" "Why did Curtis not mention this to me...?" "Uh. Probably because it’s not something I mentioned to him." "He's a dog person, right." You opened your car door "Is he?" "Oh yeah." Sookie pushed herself against Gerry’s hand in goodbye, before leaping from the car; "She'll be okay for a while..." "Where are we going?" "That dumb casino around here is open 24 hours. Essentially because there are people that never leave..." You looked across to Gerry "That means we can score twice the amount here. But it's OK, you can take a break. Watching you keeps giving me the itch to play. And as we have a bunch of other things to do..." You gave a shrug "I figure I can help you out a bit. Best night is Friday night though, and tomorrow night is pay day." "...You've thought about this." You gave a cheeky grin; "Yeah. So you can scope the place! See! Gerry! Teamwork!"

He watched you from across the casino. Not only did you have a completely different way of playing than he did. NOW you had a completely different way of playing than you were teaching him. Your strategy reminded him a lot of Curtis when he talked. You’d switched completely from how quiet you’d been a few cities ago. You knew these people, he guessed, they greeted your presence warmly. It was easy for you to switch to something new. He also wondered if it was another confusion tactic; because you still seemed to win nearly every hand. He was only half paying attention to the machines and he almost wanted to join the table if only to get a feel for what you were doing. So he could hear every word you said - he wondered if you even talked like Curtis when you played like this. You were interrupted by someone tapping you on the shoulder and beckoning you away from the table. You nodded and followed him across the bar. Gerry noticed how he tried to inconspicuously point him out. But then made it blatant as you looked across to him, nudged their arm and said something that made both of you laugh. Then as they continued talking your face became serious. You got this look he'd seen before - and if he was close enough he thought he might be able to see the idea sparking in your eyes too. The way you leant into the conversation with interest... The machine he was sitting at beeped - jackpot! - Eh, voila! Just like a rainbow... "What?" "Have you seen this guy? I mean... Careful... He's not one I've seen before." You looked across and Luke scowled like you shouldn't be being so obvious "Gerry?! What, no, he's with me… What, is he watching me!? AM I that interesting!?" "Oh, he's interested in something alright." "Damn. Well what do you think? Am I in with a shot?" Luke’s yeah right laugh made you burst into laughter too. "Anyway. Y/N I didn't call you over just because of this guy... There’s another big game going on." "Like. A game?" "Yes; buy in is a few damn million though. Guys only. That’s your problem." You were beginning to think that might not actually be a problem... "It’s not something that isn’t fixable. When?" "Few weeks. If you want in, I've got a connection." "Well that’s what I like to hear Luke. Sure. I'm in. Winner takes all the buy in?" "Of course. No trace. No questions asked..." He held out his hand; "As whom?" You gave him a wide grin and shook it, as if your male partner was not obvious "Gerry." *** "Aw Geez!" Of all people to be fawning over your cat on your front porch as you drove up; Curtis!? "When the hell did you get back!?" "Aww it's good to see you too, gorgeous!" He wasn't looking at you though, "You changed the damn locks." "Yeah, it's my house. Jackass." You whistled Sookie over "And leave my cat alone!" "Our cat! What the heck are you even doing home!?!" "Fixing your mess!" You jabbed a finger at him, ascending the steps "She has never been YOUR cat." You swiped your card and inserted your key into the lock. "You upgraded security!?" he whined, "You’re still damn beautiful!" "Don't make this weird. I don't let just ANY man into my house." "…And whhhat mess!?" He made a shrug like he didn’t know what you were talking about. "Curtis!?!" "Gerry!?" He turned eyes wide and then turned back to you; "ANY man!?!" "Why don't you get reacquainted. I'm just doing my job..." "I just made a suggestion..." "Yeah, yeah..." You waved a hand "That's always how it starts!" They followed you up the steps into your house. You picked up your post and flicked through; "I swear to god if you sent anything here I'll kill you myself...” "Why would I!?" "You two live together??" Gerry was piecing together the wrong pieces of information. And it clearly left him disappointed… "Curtis doesn't live anywhere." "Why are you always so ANGRY with me!?" You laughed, because he should know the answer. He was always getting you caught up in things like this. Only this time he'd also done it for his own twisted benefit of you literally falling for another hard luck case.

"So, how exactly do you two…?" "He’s my big brother..." No point in hiding that now. "My sister’s always had a thing for the hard luck cases..." If looks could kill. He grinned at you; "That is what this is, right??" "He’s YOUR hard luck case." "Are you the sister that has 3 toes missing?" "He hasn't seen your toes!? Geez, Y/N your are working INCREDIBLY sloooow..." You almost spit your drink out "Oh my god! You TOLD him that crap!!!" You shook your head at Gerry "Not me!! Our other sister... Geez, Curtis she got a look in but I didn't?" "A lot of the time you like to pretend we aren't family...!" You gave Gerry a significant look “Is it any wonder why?" Gerry looked more and more confused by the second at what you and Curtis were suggesting. “Why would I have seen her toes?" You stared at the table in disbelief. Was he that slow? Having said that now Curtis might have an angle on why you were being so slow. "Oh. Knowing my sister, I would have expected you to see a lot more than that." He took a sip of his drink to allow that to sink in. And get a kick out of Gerry’s wide-eyed realisation and you looking like you could throttle him. Curtis was determined to keep pissing you off though; "Am I right though?! She doesn’t even want to be my sibling..." "If we're going down that route Curtis, we are actually half siblings." "Really!!?" Gerry looked between you to try and find significant differences "Yeah. Different moms, same dad. In a bad way." You opened your mouth to argue, Gerry got there first "OH." "Yeah!" "Oh shut up Curtis! He wasn't that bad!" "Cuz he actually stayed with your mom!" "I think grandpa would actually have killed him otherwise." " 'Scuse me. You saw what mine did to my toe!" Ok. Fair enough. Gerry just kept glancing at you both. He was fairly certain now that perhaps you both got your feisty tempers from your father - because in that respect you were exactly the same. "But you two live together, so how'd you meet?" "We both agreed not to tell that. But I found her." You rolled your eyes at him; "Curtis is a drifter remember?" "Kicking me out now?!" "I thought Peru was the dream." "It’s an expression." "AH! So you didn't even like it when you finally got there! Well, you’re not staying here either!!" "Geez what, you’re actually kicking me out!? Is Gerry staying!? I bet he is! Is he in the guest room...? Mine by the way... or in yours!?" "Will you shut your damn mouth!" You smacked his arm. Gerry continued to watch, fascinated. To the point where he realised something and he just started to laugh uncontrollably. Making you both stop your bickering and turn to him; "Okay, what’s so funny?" He stopped, wiping tears from his eyes. Though he still giggled through his sentence. "Nothing... This is just..." He shook his head with a smile "It’s like a double rainbow!" *** You begrudgingly let Curtis kick around for as long as he wanted, and he waved you off for the next part of your adventure. Not before trying to impart some romantic knowledge on you, for which he earned a slap. "We’re switching cars." "Why?" "Cuz, where were going we have to have a certain... something-something we don't have in that..." You waved your hand to the car across the street "I mean. This is sleek and stylish and…" "It’s a sports car." "It’s... well, yeah. OK. But we need something better than that." "I mean there’s nothing wrong with that car." "Gerry. Honey. Not where we're headed." You smiled politely "Please step into someone else's reality...!" "Yours, by the sounds of it..." "Aw, only on special occasions." Sookie was beside you by the time you looked back to call for her. "Okay. Sure, but you gotta continue being super nice to Gerry, OK? Don't let me down." As if to give you an answer she leapt over your seat and onto him. "Huh!" "What?" "She just. She pretty much hates everyone but me and my brother. She tolerates cat people... But you..." You gave a shrug and hopped in yourself "You're something special Gerry. You got a gift!" ***

You decided to join him at a table one final time, allowing yourself to get caught up in the way he played once more. "…Wow maybe chatty works for you. But that was incredible the way you played that table! Man, I wish I could do that!" "You don't even realise do you?" You beamed "Gerry you are doing that! What you just did was great!! That's what I want! For you to feel it naturally! You don't even have to know you're doing it. Second nature. Easy..." you were glowing just by the way he was looking at you, "...I guess I could have won but... With the way you played that would have been unfair." "It would have been good competition!" "No! I like this confidence! The player it's turning you into... You are more than ready for what I've got planned. He's incredible. Don't change him. The outlook or the attitude. It suits your play style. Keep up the good work!" *** He watched you calculate it all quickly in your head and place the final two ticks against his list. "We’re done!?" he said it with a joyous laugh "We did it!! We're really done!!!" You tapped your pen against the paper and shook your head "Nope." His mood instantly fell "What!?! But the list--!? We’re done! We’ve finished the list!!" "We're not done. We have one more stop..." He put his head in his hands and leant against the car door "I have to do this again!?" "Now you've paid everyone back, with sufficient interest..." your smile was significant; "You’ve got this down." He breathed out with a murmur; "I thought I was done." "So, you can't handle one more...?" He made a face "Just one?" It was still impossible for him to resist the pull of a table. You'd work on it. "Just one. And never again..." He nodded and you knew how much he was resisting 'well maybe not never' coming out of his mouth. You turned the key in the ignition and tapped your sat nav, handing him another piece of paper "Now be the sweetheart I know you are and type this in." "...Sure!" You got why Curtis had put you together. Because it didn't make sense, which is why it made perfect sense...

"Tell me everything I need to know..." You noticed him tapping his fingers to the beat of your road trip playlist and studying the scenery. You couldn’t help your smirk. "The buy in isn't even worth thinking about. It's crazy. I've covered it. But under your name. Because under no circumstances are women allowed to play these tables..." you took a deep breath; "One small acting favour from you..." "Mm hmm?" "You need to pretend like this is what you do. Like this is your life." "This... Is my life." there was more sadness in that sentence than he let on. You shook your head "Not what I meant. You need to act like you do this on a daily basis. Like you flew in on a private jet just for this game, and you're gonna fly back out tomorrow to your private island. Like the buy in was pocket change, but y’know, enough to get you excited for the game. And you're gonna have to drive this car.” "... What kind of buy in!?" " I'm not disclosing that and neither should you ask... Don't say anything. Just... This is your life, you got me. " He nodded “Okay.” But you needed to hear something else “Tell me you understand." He looked back, blue eyes on yours; "I understand."

** "So... Now what..." He turned back to you as you let him into the hotel room. "You’re gonna do whatever you do to get in the zone. I'm going to put the finishing touches together..." "What do I wear!?" "I got you covered. Gerry, honey, I don't want you to worry about nothin' but the people on the table and the cards in your hand. OK?" "Okay..." You felt leaving him might allow Gerry to unwind with his own thoughts, instead of have him stressing. You spent a couple of hours banking his wins and sending checks to the last few people he owed. Picking up his suit, your dress... And a bottle. When you got back, he was reading the invitation for the event over and over. If he was freaking out about it, it was not showing on his face. You placed the bottle of Woodford triumphantly in front of him. "Curtis only introduces people he really likes to his favourite drink, you know...! It has a heck of a kick. But I think you'll need a kick tonight!" "You're not kidding..." He looked up at you; "Oh! What!" You held out the suit; white. Pristine. With softer lines to suit Gerry... You had an eye for designer and he had to look like he was wearing it. Not the other way around. Like he wore a new one every day... "When I told you Curtis told me everything..." "He literally told you everything..." He stood and took the carrier from you. “Wow... This is..." "Expensive. But it'll suit you..." "What about you..?" You tipped your head with a mysterious smile, "White suit. Black dress. We will make quite the couple..."

Indeed you did. A few glasses of Woodford down and you sitting across from him, it was like Gerry was a whole new man. If he was playing into it, he was going to do incredibly well.

***

“Just do me one favour…” “What?” You handed him a slip of paper “Whatever you do with this money. Put some of it in here.” “What is it…?” He took it from you delicately You smiled “It’s a trust fund. And it’s gonna REALLY help.” There was a silence for a moment as he attempted to thank you and you stopped him, it was fine. It was to make sure he really did what he was telling you he was going to do… "One more thing." He turned to you, because that was your game voice, as he was about to step out of the car. Keys to a valet?, yeah this was way above his usual gamble grade. "Huh?" "However anyone looks at me, whatever anyone says to you about me... Ignore it." That left him with a whole bunch of questions and slight panic that he didn't have time to ask, or you to answer, as you both stepped out of the car. He handed his keys to the valet and let you link your arm through his. "What do you mean?" "And don't talk to me either... " "That's going to make for quite the evening..." "This isn't about being here as friends Gerry. Or about being here together. This is about you being able to afford me." "What!?" Though you held your silence. Again that left him with a bunch more questions. He had a feeling he might figure it out... But wasn't sure he wanted to. He handed over the invitation at the door; security whispered to each other and nodded. But they did not escort the two of you to the main casino. At this point Gerry stopped having questions he knew he wasn’t about to get answers to, and decided to simply roll with it. You'd told him to act like he did this every other weekend so he would do exactly that. Who needed regular casino tables anyway, right? “Why are they all looking at me...?” It was the one question he needed to ask. If they knew then the game was up, after all... It also allowed him to lean in closer to you, which was also an assured part of the game. “They aren’t looking at you...” So you were known here? And by the looks of it in a big way. Were you an escort? Once? Were you still!?

He wasn’t sure he liked the implications of this, he was worried about you. “You sure it’s a good idea for you to be-” You squeezed his arm gently to shut him up “If I’m here with you, looking like this, then yes.” He took a deep breath and you pulled yourself closer to him “God, Gerry! I’m so sorry that didn’t help!” You had to confess. You felt like you HAD to tell him. He stopped you. Hand over yours. “You don’t need to tell me anything. I figured it out.” And he had. Gerry was never lying when he said he was good at reading people. You’d likely been an escort for men like this at games like this – maybe more… He didn’t like to think on that too much. Passed around like you were the game they were playing. That kinda made him angry… sick… feel a whole lot of pity for you. He wanted to win this game for you, too. And you’d actually got out; probably played your way to freedom. Though Curtis has said he had found you, Gerry wondered if he might have something to do with it. “...What are we really doing here Y/N?” You looked to him; sincere “Freeing you.” He tipped his head, and the smile showed he knew you were here for something else entirely. You gave small shrug and mirrored his smile; “Let’s just call it payback...” He held out his hand for you “Now I know what I’m playing for...” He confidently flashed another brilliant smile; “There’s no way I can lose!” “Play this game like it’s the last game you’ll ever play.” “It COULD be the last game I ever play.” His seriousness hit you hard and made you emotional. Finally, he could see the emotion on your face, in your smile – in those gorgeous eyes of yours. “Just play it your best. You got this Gerry… You’re the only one who’s got this.” *** He had played his part flawlessly. But more than that, Gerry had played the GAME flawlessly. He called. There was absolutely no way, with you here, with the way he had played - that you had helped him to play - even with every single other player having all the luck in the world that he was about to lose this. None. He held his hand out behind him, and you realised that he was asking if he could hold yours. He was too confident in this... You placed your hand in his and he grasped you gently. You were too confident in him too. Everyone around the table revealed their hands, one by one. All pretty good. All the kind of hands that would win a game. Even a game that, for him, had really been this difficult. But Gerry had played like a pro. Like he was elite. Like he was one of them. He flipped his hand and he lent back, relaxed. They all stated at his cards in disbelief. How!?! How did this newbie to this table come out of nowhere and win? You were equally if not more surprised. He's done it. Gerry had actually done it!!!

He rose, calm with a small smile. And his voice was quiet, soft almost "I guess I win. Gentlemen." he gave the signal to cash out and stepped back, your hand still in his he turned to you, his smile was confident and you couldn't tell if he was still acting or not. He must have been - how could he be this calm over the amount of money he had just won!?! "What do you say, we get our money and ditch this place, huh?" This was a revenge game for everything you’d been put though. And he’d just up and won it.

***

It wasn’t ever really meant to come out the way it did. But the high from what he has just achieved had the both of you nearly in tears laughing, as you got back in your car. “Oh-! Gerry---! I love you!” For him it was out of the blue, you’d never indicated that it was a phrase you knew. With your background that was hardly surprising. But, he caught on to exactly what Curtis had said before and it hit him hard enough to sober him up. “Do you really mean it?” And then it hit you; because everything about him was serious. You looked back to him, letting yourself regain your breath before you answered. Did you say it because of the moment? Because of what you’d done? Or did you say it because you really DID love him? “…Yeah… I guess… I could really love you…” Gerry just smiled, he didn’t say anything, he didn’t push it further “Well, Alright…” But it was one hell of a smile. Gerry knew he was prepared to wait for you to make that happen. He was decisive enough in your answer to take your hand; “Where to? We could go anywhere. You and I. Right now.” It made you think for a minute, and suddenly smile at the realisation that you were both free. That you and he aren’t ever going back. You entwined your fingers with his; “To the Next Great Adventure!”

GIF CREDIT @ben-mendelsohn-trash and @benmendo as always ❤

This could have been split into like 3 different parts. But I just kinda wanted it to be one long thing! I mean, I’m right right, he’s got two personalities, right? #ThePlayer’ and then #SoftGerry...

#Gerry #Gerry x Reader #Mississippi Grind #Ben Mendelsohn #Linzi Writes #I have questions for myself on this one...!#Unsure on if this relationship is healthy?#She'll get him to some addiction clinic. I think.#She's got him on the right track #I believe in her #I believe in THEM.#The one thing I didn't manage to get in here was knuckle rolling a gambling chip. That is Sexy shit. It just didn't seem to fit anywhere.#And it doesn't seem to fit Gerry either #So now I need to find a Mendo to give a scene to specifically to write that #OH! Shit I forgot! There's that strange Gambling bit in Robin Hood. DAMN! I could put it there #I'm sorry I made you read a bunch of tags about moving gambling chips. But its damn HOT.#Gerry he just doesn't... I just don't... Know?#How I feel about him. TBH.#WHAT I LOVE IS I BASICALLY GOT MY DUMB HEIST PLOT INTO THIS!!#22

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gwiiyeoweo · 5 years ago

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Prompto Besithia takes after his father.

Noctis Caelum takes what he can.

Pairing: Prompto/Noctis Rating: M for theme Warning: TWs for abuse, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy co-dependency

“Gonna run some more tests tonight.”

“Be prudent and don’t waste your only sample.”

Prompto Besithia grins around his spoon, a beguiling smile that hides sharp teeth and a wicked tongue. His eyes though, crinkle in genuine amusement, despite the artificial flavor that clings to the lab-grown meat and grains. They haven’t quite perfected it, certain chemicals and aftertastes still lingering despite their progress, but no one has complained. Not when the Besithias had single-handedly averted a famine and nationwide crisis, had even been awarded such sigh honors by the Emperor himself. Iedolas is something of a cuckoo — hell, even more bonkers than Prompto’s dad — but everyone seems to play into the whole “all hail the great emperor” and “long live Niflheim” and whatever patriotic mess Caligo spouts out every other sentence. Everyone but the two mad scientists keeping them alive, naturally.

“C’mon, have a little more faith,” Prompto nearly whines, mouth full of half-eaten mush. It’s not that bad, honestly; it nearly tastes like the real thing, but he can still get the hints of trace metals and ammonia. Some illogical part of him said it’s the whole psychological thing messing with his taste buds, because he knows he’s artificial himself so it almost feels like cannibalism, considering he's the result of a scientific marriage between splicing genes and bacterial cultures, the DNA coming from none other than Verstael Besithia himself. A clone — one of many — rather than a son, sprouted in a test tube and harvested from a glass chamber as a toddler. “I’ve done well so far, haven’t I?”

But through some mutation, through evolution, he came out on top, proved he wasn’t destined to be a brainless MT ready to have an aimbot program downloaded into his brain. He was sentient and, to Verstael’s utter delight, had a savage thirst for knowledge and discovery just like his father. So now, rather than some expendable hunk of twisted metal ready to be turned into frazzled wires and aluminum scraps, he sits at the dinner table and talks lab tests and future projects, a leading figure in Niflheim’s rapidly advancing technology, along with father Verstael. And if they actually share some genuine father-son sentiments here and there, that’s a plus.

“A reminder to keep it like that, then.” Verstael sits across from him, cutting into an unassuming steak drenched in a thin brown sauce. He looks up, hands stilling for a moment, to level a look of disapproval at Prompto. Not for any particular failures or mishaps in the lab but for his son’s lack of table manners.

Prompto acknowledges it by shutting his mouth and gulping his food down, staring right back and licking the grin on his lips. It’s jarring, really, how similar they look. Verstael is graying a bit, with lines set around his mouth and crow’s feet spreading from his eyes, but they’re nearly identical. It’s a given, considering he’s a literal clone, but he wonders just how much of his DNA mutated; there are small differences, little bits he’s still trying to search and find, like how his freckles are just a bit darker and spread out or how his eyes have just a touch more purple in them. (Or how Prompto’s voice is more of a tenor than his father’s baritone, he once lamented.) The common folk just think how wonderful it is for the son to be the spitting image of his father, and Prompto really can’t help but laugh whenever he hears them say it.

They couldn’t be more further from nor closer to the truth.

As they peruse over data and statistics, Prompto chiming in to ask how Verstael’s latest batch of upgraded magitek soldiers were doing, he foregoes the rest of his dinner and pushes it away, picking up a new clean plate to gather the various desserts onto. If his father rolls his eyes at that, he doesn’t acknowledge it in favor of piling his plate high with a few mini pies and cream puffs, the sugar overload enough to mask whatever artificial flavoring they have yet managed to fix.

“Y’know, I could say the same thing to you too, daddy-o.” Prompto waves a half-bitten cupcake in the air, ignoring the white mustache frosting he’s acquired. “You and that Adagium guy.”

He says it amicably enough, keeps his tone light and cheery, but there’s a definite challenge hidden in his words. A dare, or a threat. As if to say, ‘Look who’s talking. Stay out of my business, and I’ll stay out of yours.’

Verstael narrows his eyes, the only visible sign of offense he’s taken — or maybe that’s pride at such audacity, since Prompto, as much of a genius he is, still has trouble figuring his father out sometimes. Both, maybe. "Yes, well," he says, dabbing the corner of his mouth with a napkin, "I've no need to fear my specimen of dying, unlike yours who — might I remind you — is very mortal.”

"Touché,” Prompto concedes, licking off the cupcake frosting from his fingers. He lifts his dessert plate into the air, giving it a lazy slow wave at his father, and pushes his chair back to stand. "But like you said, he's mortal. So time to go feed him before he starves to death."

"You spoil him."

"But it's working, isn't it?" His eyes glint with something cunning and dangerous. "Treat 'im nice enough and he'll never want to leave."

"Conditioned him like a goldfish, then? Have him swimming to you at just the sight of food?"

"Nah, pops.” Prompto laughs, filled with mirth, as he exits the dining room. “At the sight of me. "

He walks on glass, reinforced and strengthened to hold up against all the weight of machinery, equipment, and a small horde of visiting scientists coupled with bodyguard MTs. The old lab has long been repurposed to serve as an aquarium and observation room, the entire floor pulled apart and dug into the level below, to make a livable space for his most prized experiment. He stops at an edge, where the glass tapers off to saltwater, and he leans over to skim a finger across the surface.

Below, he sees movement behind the few tank decorations he's allowed in — a few shells and plants, a low archway salvaged from some bleached dead coral, and an extra-large air stone in the corner. For such a large aquarium, that spans the entire length of the laboratory, it’s barren; no tankmates to keep company except for the single crab skittering about the sand, which goes darting off once a large dark fin nearly topples it over.

Prompto sees the tail first, a midnight blue so deep it’s almost black, with lighter scar tissue ribbed across the scales, marring the once sleek skin with raised bumps and cuts. Wounds too precise and surgical to be accidental injuries. Then, the same dark hair that frames a pale face, some locks keeping close, while others free flow like a bastardized crown around him. Eyes peer up at him, blinking owlishly, followed by a quiet smile. When the creature swims up to meet him at the surface, hands gently holding onto the edge of the glass for purchase, Prompto smiles back. The sight warms his cold, half-mechanical heart.

"I brought you snacks, Noct.” He sits on his haunches and hands over a mini fruit tart.

Noctis takes it gratefully with both hands and takes a tentative sample, unsure of the flavors hidden within all the sugary glaze and cream. But the first bite proves passable at least, and he eats the rest without reserve, even licking the crumbs off his too sharp nails.

Prompto catches the whites of his fangs, of all his fangs — two rows of pearly teeth chiseled into razors, that could cut flesh off bones like a molten knife through butter. Noctis would probably like meat sometime soon. Proper meat, not the lab-grown things. He wonders if anyone’s been on the Emperor’s shitlist lately, and if His Excellency would like them to quietly disappear in an unfortunate lab accident. If not, he’s sure there’s some old Galahdian rebels rotting away in their cells.

He handfeeds the last dessert to Noctis, the dear thing making sure none of his teeth even scrape the skin of Prompto’s hand. He brushes the backs of his fingers against Noctis’ cheek, and if the boy could purr, he certainly would, especially with how he chases for Prompto’s touch. The water’s kept at a consistent five degrees Celsius, too cold for any man but just right for the mer, who insisted it was always too hot until Prompto figured out the sweet spot; yet still, Noctis chases after that physical warmth. A little touch-starved, according to Prompto’s theory, considering there’s not much to be offered to one confined in a lonesome underground aquarium. Also, a theory he believes to be fact, and one he’s been taking full advantage of.

When Prompto stands and heads toward the cabinets and drawers adorning the sterile white walls, Noctis heaves himself up from the water in one effortless motion and sits at the edge, leaving most of his tail to wade in the tank. Prompto glances back to see him wait patiently, though he notices his claws clicking rhythmically against the glass — a nervous tick. Noctis looks below, eyes probably following the single crab walking across the sand or perhaps watching the plants waving to and fro, but Prompto doesn’t need to see his face to know.

Noctis never likes this part, but he gives himself up willingly. Whatever Prompto asks of him, be it a drop of blood or a pound of flesh, his darling thing offers it. He remembers when he first introduced the idea, painting his plan with a white coat of innocence, and asked the young boy if he’d be willing to let Prompto “help” him. But Noctis is no fool; he knows the ulterior motives the young scientist had at the time, and still has, though neither has ever spoken anything directly of it. It’s a part of the game they play, these rounds of make-believe they both fool themselves into: Prompto an adoring childhood friend, Noctis a scarred castaway looking for comfort. He gives, Prompto takes. An unfair trade, perhaps, but at least he’s not entirely heartless and offers rewards where they’re due.

Prompto does, after all — despite his skewed moral compass and enthusiasm to experiment on his own friend — hold a certain genuine affection for Noctis, as twisted as it may be.

"This'll be quick today, promise," Prompto half lies. He doesn't know how long it'll actually take; maybe he'll see something interesting and take more samples, maybe he'll be satisfied with the findings and need no more for the night. What he does know, however, is that Noctis will suffer through each ticking second of it all, with no more than a mild squirm or a quiet wince. He places all his things on a spotless surgical tray — new scalpels, some vials and syringes, tissue forceps, eye needles for the sutures — and brings it with him to Noctis.

This time, Prompto comes up next to him, ignoring the wet spots that drip from Noctis and onto the glass, and sits to his side. He doesn't care for how the water soaks through the back of his pants; it comes with the territory anyhow, and he settles the steel tray in between them to take off his shoes and socks before dipping his feet into the cold water beneath. Goosebumps crawl up his skin, not only from the near-freezing temperature but also from the slick tail that brushes against his ankle. Noctis holds power underneath those muscles and a definite swiftness in his limbs. He could wrap his tail around that ankle and drag him to drown in the very tank he had built, but Prompto holds every confidence that he won’t.

He tears open an iodine packet, and Noctis tenses in a conditioned response, knowing and expecting what’s to come. He doesn’t run, doesn’t move until Prompto tells him what he wants though.

“Hmmm.” Prompto clicks the plastic and cracks the iodine scrub, releasing the antiseptic throughout the swab, and hovers it over Noctis’ forearm where the pectoral fins meet human skin. “What are we gonna check out first?”

He’s quick to change his mind, though, and moves to the hip, where tender flesh blends seamlessly into dull scales. Prompto’s been wanting to do a cross-section of the cells there, to see just where the human half ends and the Hydraean DNA splices itself in, and add it to his little box of prepared specimens.

“Be good, like always?” Prompto offers a cold smile, and scrubs the area in a circular motion. The orange-brown antiseptic bleeds in between the cracks of the scales, and he suspects the red will follow their paths soon enough.

Noctis nods, once and slowly, and he stares at Prompto, keeping his eyes away from the scalpels and tweezers on the tray. “I will.”

There’s that odd look again, that indiscernible secret hidden in that stormy gaze of his. Prompto hasn’t figured it out yet, what it means, and Noctis has yet to make any motion to speak of it. It’s certainly not fear or anger, nor is it loathing or hatred. He once wondered if it was love, but Noctis has never held his affection in secret; he gives it like he’s running a charity, yet desires it like a beggar across the street. There's something… Calculating and determined from what Prompto can figure out, but the rest is shut tight behind those cold blue eyes of his.

'Maybe,' he thinks, as he stares right back at Noctis, 'if I can dissect those pretty little eyes, I can figure it out.'

It would be easy. He knows Noctis would give up his sight just to keep Prompto by his side. And the idea of that, all so suddenly, strikes him as funny. Because really, Prompto is the one keeping him, not the other way around. Noctis is the one tethered here, trapped inside a freezing tank with no one but Prompto to call his only company and the only reason he's still alive and not beheaded because Iedolas had deemed the crippled Prince as useless.

Thirty seconds are up, and he flicks the iodine scrub across the room, where it lands cleanly inside a biohazard bin.

"Lie down." He gently pushes one hand on Noctis' shoulder, and the boy obeys readily, pressing his back against the cold glass beneath them. He even slides himself out of the water a bit more, to offer Prompto more of his own body to poke and prod and cut, despite knowing and hating the pain of knives and needles.

Noctis is a darling thing, and Prompto loves him all the more for it. He picks up a scalpel, light glinting off the cold steel, and he leans over to comfort Noctis' trembling with a kiss to his collarbone, where the pale skin stretches itself thin and taut. He holds the blade just above the hip, the edge barely touching skin and scales.

"Love you, Noct."

He cuts away with surgical precision, all while Noctis bites into the back of his fist and silences his cries.

He's seven and cold and scared and a pile of broken bones drowning in his own blood, when steel-faced soldiers gather him from under a corpse and haul him away to Niflheim.

It's an uphill battle, and his consciousness stumbles and slips, and all he wants is for them to let him sleep. Even if his father isn't here, Noctis can at least find comfort in his dreams and in the safety net of Carbuncle's domain. But they don't let him. They hook him up to wires and noisy machines that beep at him incessantly. At some points, all he knows is a dark warm void, when the beeping stops and goes into a straight high-pitched drone, but he's always stolen from his comforting cocoon by a bolt of electricity that fires up his nerves and has his muscles spasming.

If there's pain, he's not really aware of it.

Until he finally wakes up from his coma, and he's a screaming mess until someone dressed in white sticks a needle into him, missing his thin veins twice before finally hitting it home.

The next time he wakes, he's awfully numb, and turning his neck feels like turning the rusted cogs of a broken machine. He sees a boy, who looks the exact opposite of him, with his blonde hair and little freckles and violet-blue eyes. They stare at each other in silence, the blonde boy never even blinking, and the expressionless face makes him think the he must be a realistic doll rather than a human being.

But then he talks. And if Noctis wasn't paralyzed — it's weird and uncomfortable, he thinks, that he can't feel anything in his legs, but the haze of his mind keeps him from going any further than that — he’d probably jump out of his own skin at the sound.

“Good morning. I’m Prompto Besithia.”

Those few short words sound like the beginnings of a voicemail. It’s too telegraphed, sounds too rehearsed, but Noctis latches onto them like the desperate child that he is. Mechanical doll or not, he's the only one to actually talk to him or offer anything close to human contact, and Noctis is alone and scared of his own shadow.

So Prompto becomes the only constant in his life, well, aside from the suffering under Niflheim’s emperor.

Noctis wasn’t rescued because Aldercapt had a kind heart and was seeking to make amends with Lucis, unlike the fairytale endings his father used to read to him. (He cries over the bittersweet memories until he runs out of grief to feel.) He learns too quickly the ulterior motives the mad king has, that it was all his doing Noctis had almost died that day and why his governess and a crew of Crownsguard were all murdered by a daemon’s hand.

Because if Aldercapt couldn’t get his hands on the Crystal or the King guarding it, the Prince was his next best bet.

Noctis can do nothing but play the exalted guinea pig for them. He’s small, defenseless, and crippled, and a seven-year-old boy can only do so much thrashing before those hands and vice grips hold him and strap him down onto the steel table, or sedate him with a merciless syringe and plop him into some machine and dig wires into his flesh.

He can’t understand the jargon the scientists speak, but he understands the gist of things. If Regis holds a direct tether to the Crystal, then his son should hold some sort of power over it as well, and that tie may be just what Aldercapt needs to get his hands on the Lucian treasure.

Thus.

He’s seven when his world is ripped away from him, his father a distant memory of a life now gone, when he sees his little crown bathe in the blood of his friends and guards and melt in the flames of the Marilith. When his hand-tailored clothes are replaced with rough open-backed gowns on the best of days, and when he’s left to shiver in the cold in nothing but his own skin on the worst of days.

He’s ten when he gives up hope that his father will come and rescue him, shining in a halo of power and surrounded by dozens of ancient weapons.

He’s eleven when he gives up entirely, and he cries only so he can feel something other than the needles and shocks of their electric prongs.

He’s fifteen when they give up. And Noctis foolishly thinks this is it, that he’s going to die now because they’ve found no use of him, and he thinks it's a blessing to finally be free of them. He doesn’t have the tie to the Crystal their emperor went mad for, and Aldercapt's patience has only grown thin with each passing year his researchers have no results to show for, lopping off one head for every month there's nothing. Noctis lost count after the twentieth-something rolled across the tile floor in a trail of blood, lips slightly parted and still glistening eyes staring right at him.

Through the near eight years spent in this freezing hellhole, Noctis has the small comfort that was Prompto Besithia, an outlier in the older Besithia's cloning labs, Noctis had learned. Prompto had no issues detailing his life's story, proudly explaining his origins as a single cell living with a Scourge sample in his neighborhood petri plate to moving into a giant test tube and busting out of it as a toddler. Half-human, half-machine, he once said of himself, pointing at his head and mentioning a computer processor in there.

But out of every damn sadist who Noctis had the displeasure of meeting, Prompto was the most human out of all of them. He snuck into his isolation room, held Noctis' hand through the worst of the fevers and delirium, brought him pictures and small gifts and stories of the world outside the lab. Sometimes, Verstael — Prompto's "father" — hitched along, and Noctis could easily see the family resemblance despite the years separating the pair. Verstael headed a different department, his studies and research devoted to machines and weaponry, but he somehow had special clearance granting him an all access pass, even to the project concerning the torture of a small prince.

Verstael never showed remorse or pity, Noctis never expected him to.

But when the man shows up today, along with the damned Emperor himself, while the scientists do their regular poking and prodding with his skin and bones — while he's fully conscious for fuck’s sake — Noctis gets the first surprise in a long while.

Because he expects to die, to be tossed down the chute with the scattered remains of failed MTs, since he's been deemed useless and a waste of precious lab resources. The Emperor is here today because he's finally had it, and his workers are pathetic wormbrains who can't tell the difference between a scalpel and a bulldozer, so he's going to save everyone the trouble by finally putting the poor boy out of his misery.

And the kicker? Noctis only lives because Verstael vouches for him — rather, he asks for a hand-me-down toy to gift his son.

Prompto even pops his head out from behind Verstael's fluttering lab coat. “If you don’t want him anymore," he says, trying to nail the final head on the coffin, "just give ‘im to me. I’m sure I can get at least something.”

Noctis wants to cry, to laugh. He wants to die and live all at once, and he can't even make the decision for himself now that his fate is once again in the hands of another. Instead of blood, he tastes betrayal and relief on his tongue.

He never really had any doubts.

He may not have known when his next meals would be, if they'd just feed him intravenously with cocktails of nutrients and supplements, or if they were just going to run some biopsies or take so many blood samples to nearly run him dry. He may not have known what day would be his last, or if his hours were numbered or set on an infinite timeline.

But what he does know, is that Prompto Besithia cannot be given a modicum of trust. And in that knowledge, with the facts he lumped together with the most basic rules of reality, he finds comfort and stability and control.

Prompto never lies, because he has no reason to. He has power and rank and prestige, and those three are enough to get him almost anything he wants in all of Niflheim. He does what he enjoys, goes where the cold winds of Shiva’s corpse sway him to, follows his own whimsies of the day and pursues it relentlessly. But while he does not lie, he dresses his harsh truths in such frills and delicate colors, and offers his poisons surrounded by sweets and silver.

When they first met, Noctis a scared and hurt child and Prompto a curious half-boy, Noctis took whatever form of security and comfort that he could. He didn’t care that this Prompto was Niflheim-born, didn’t question why a young little thing could roam in and out and about the classified lab base as he pleased. He didn’t care what form or origin it came in, so long as he could find something, anything to help keep himself from shattering under the suffocating weight of fear and despair.

He devoured whatever companionship Prompto offered, listened to whatever spiel he chattered on about, counted the minutes and seconds that passed until the boy would wander in again with a trinket or fragment of his science project for that day. He ignored the dim light of red in his pupils, whenever his eyes seemed to catch the overhead fluorescent lights at just the right angle, and pretended Prompto was just a fellow child looking for companionship and offering his mercies.

Noctis always knew — felt it like a tiny thorn stuck under his fingernail — that it was all wrong. He suspected that the Niffs, Aldercapt or the scientists or whoever, were simply using Prompto as a way to worm their way into his good graces, a Trojan horse who was offered as a friend but housed a parasite to break down his defenses from the inside. Throw him into despair, dangle that spider’s thread of hope, and let Noctis wish and believe just to weaponize it and bend him even more to their will.

And if that was truly their intention, they won. He knew. He knew they couldn’t be trusted, knew Prompto and his too clear eyes and plastic smile held secrets and self-driven motivations, but Noctis was so driven into desperation that he forced himself to play along. He needed to survive, to live and see his father and friends and Insomnia again, and he could only last so long without losing his sanity. He needed to bend lest he break , and if that meant bending his own mind and dancing along to their piper’s song, then he’d delude himself into believing.

So he pretended. He pretended Prompto was a curious boy and not in service to the Emperor, pretended their friendship was genuine and not a game of house, pretended that there was still hope to be had when there was nothing but darkness ahead.

But no matter how much he tried to convince himself, he could only run on the fumes of hope for so long. He gave up the idea of a future, of reuniting with his friends and kingdom, so he gave himself over to their cruel hands and let them play with him as they wished, waiting for the day Aldercapt would tire of him.

And of course, when that chance finally came, Prompto — in both mercy and cruelty — snatched up the rights to Noctis' life before they could be tossed into the garbage.

So Noctis sits here, in a room far too reminiscent of his childhood, with its fine draperies and soft carpet and trims of gold among the reds and whites of Niflheim’s colors. He sits on the bed, his back against the headboard and his unfeeling legs spread over the smooth sheets, while Prompto digs through his closet and starts picking out shirts and pants to fit Noctis in. He sits and watches, wonders what game they're to play, if Prompto will continue to be that endearing and cheerful companion while Noctis the pitiful and meek charity case, and decides there's no point in thinking about it when he convinces himself this make-believe is reality. It's the only way he can go on, to put on his rose-colored glasses and act as if he's relieved to escape death. To be thankful that Prompto took away his well-deserved rest.

“Y’know how a long time ago, dad found Ifrit hibernating in some volcano? We found Leviathan in Ulei Trench, just a little ways west of Altissia.”

When Prompto returns to him one day, bearing a plate of dubious-looking fruit and word of a grand discovery, Noctis receives the news he's been waiting for. Prompto doesn't betray his expectations either, and he delivers his grand tidings with such finesse and hope that Noctis almost believes the honesty in them.

“I sort of got dibs on her, since dad and Adagium’s been playing around with Ifrit. And I want to try something new.” He hands Noctis an apple, the skin such an artificial and unsettling red, but when Noctis curls his fingers around it, Prompto wraps both his hands around Noctis’. His hands aren’t cold, not like they once were, now that Prompto’s learned how to regulate his body temperature to a perfect thirty-seven Celsius; but just like everything surrounding Prompto, it’s too perfect and calculated that he may as well have his plastic cold touch again because it’s far less unsettling.

Prompto applies just the right amount of pressure, cupping Noctis’ hand in near reverence and with such gentleness to make him believe, and he stares into his own reflection. That gaze is too tender, too practiced, like Prompto knows just how much conviction and warmth he needs to earn Noctis’ trust.

Which is laughable, really, because Prompto will never get it. Instead, he’ll get something better: obedience.

It’s here, where Noctis looks at the lines he’s drawn: the delicate boundaries of what is his, what is not, what will be, and what will be lost. He finds himself at these crossroads, more times than he cares to, and wonders just how far he’s willing to go. Here, now, he has Prompto. Here, Noctis is his object of attention, his diamond in the rough to polish or crack, a blank canvas to paint or rip apart; and for now, it’s all Noctis needs to keep Prompto tied to him. And he has no intention of letting Prompto throw him away. Not yet, not when Prompto has no right to.

For when Prompto decided he was going to keep Noctis, Noctis decided he was going to keep Prompto — by whatever means necessary. This is his revenge, because if Prompto wanted to play this game and coat everything in sickly fine sugar, then Noctis was going to take every damn thing he had to offer and weave their lives in barbed wire if he had to.

“Do whatever you want. I’m yours.” Noctis says it simply enough, but he has Prompto eating out of his palms.

It’s cute, how Prompto words it as if he’s giving Noctis a choice, but he knows there’s never really an option. There’s nothing stopping him from playing with Noctis as he sees fit, to cut and slice like the other previous researchers did, but he keeps up with the appearances of a “childhood friend” like he’s made for it. He even offers his reasoning as a plan specifically made for Noctis’ benefit.

“It’ll be a long process. We gotta fix up your spine first, see what needs replacing or not, then we can get to the fun part,” Prompto explains. Noctis doesn’t feel the way his fingers run up and down his legs, paralyzed and unfeeling as they are, but he sees the way his hands like to still at his thighs and knees. He recognizes that look, the way his gaze doesn’t speak of affection or love but rather of numbers and charts and formulas.

“They might not be legs, in the end, but you’ll be able to move. Doesn’t that sound like a fun idea?”

There he goes again, phrasing his words like Noctis even gets a choice. But he plays along anyway, nods his head, and that’s all the consent either of them need.

It starts gently, simple blood tests to check compatibility, a few minor skin samples here and there. Noctis doesn't bother to hold his breath though, and he waits with silent conviction for the day Prompto walks in with a whole cart of vials, forceps, and whatever mad scientists like to use. He's had worse — perhaps not physically (yet), but mentally. All during that time he had let those researchers tear him apart, he held hope and a miserable wish, and each passing day made his heart rend itself. Now there's no expectation to shatter, no tears to shed over broken promises and lofty dreams.

But when Prompto takes an agonizingly long time to take that plunge, Noctis makes the decision for him and takes them both over the edge, grabbing him at his collar and dragging him down to eye level.

“Stop beating around the bush. I know what you want, and you know what I want. I’m done playing this round of the game. ”

Noctis trades flesh and blood for false comforts and plastic warmth; Prompto trades sweet smiles and gentle touches for each pound and pint. It’s easier to play when both of them find their roles, and they become grand actors in their own rights. Sometimes, Noctis even fools himself.

His skin itches, layers peeling and sloughing off like an infection eating away at him. There’s dried blood underneath his fingernails, where he scratches and tears despite the heat of pain that follows, and Prompto has to physically restrain him to keep himself from further damage. His neck, ribs, and arms are the worst, where his darkened skin seem to be inflamed but take on a dark blue hue with raised bumps. Raised scales. Prompto makes sure to take daily skin biopsies and blood samples.

His neck aches, and breathing becomes a conscious effort. Where his carotid arteries are, his skin breaks in two large gashes, and Prompto dutifully cleans the wounds and packs them with sterile dressings. It feels like a breath of fresh air when it’s time to re-do his packing, whenever the gauze is plucked out from them like a rubber stopper. Noctis can’t help but feel how stiff it feels to turn his neck, and even the strongest analgesics only take the edge off the burning pain. Still, Prompto rewards his suffering and patience with whole-hearted attention and beguiling coos; Noctis receives it all like a child coddling his lollipop after a doctor’s visit. So long as each keep up their part of the bargain, there’s no complaint to be had.

When Prompto decides it’s time to strap him to the operating table and peel through his back for his spine, Noctis is just grateful for the medically-induced coma.

When he awakes, he’s surrounded by water and glass and for the first time that year, he takes in a deep breath that finally fills him with satisfaction.

“Prompto.”

Prompto eats the last of the desserts left over, when Noctis insisted he had no more room left. He licks the brittle crumbs off his thumb and wipes at the bit of cream from the puff pastry, then licks that too. If his father saw him like this, his head cradled in the cold lap of his dear mer, he’s sure Verstael would be shaking his head in exasperation. Not because of the familiarity he treats Noctis with, but because of his terrible eating manners — munching away messily on a midnight snack while lying down.

He can already hear his father clicking his tongue at him, saying “Don’t haunt my laboratory should you choke and suffocate, foolish boy.”

So before the Verstael in his head can lecture him any further, he ignores his father’s voice and replies with a hum. He also ignores the way Noctis’ hand snakes its way up to his throat. He feels four claws gently press into his flesh, a reminder that they’re there and could claw through his throat to rip his vocal cords out. He only misses the fifth claw because he decided to “trim” it all the way to the cuticle for and save it for analysis later.

“Stay.”

Prompto lifts his eyes to gaze into sweet, tragically beautiful blues, and he sees a ring of magenta surrounding them. It used to be so pale, a dim purple. Ah, how he desperately wants to see the architect behind those eyes. If he plucked one out, would it still hold his reflection? Would Noctis still look upon him with a love so vindictive yet so voracious?

But of course. All Prompto has to do is offer himself.

He brushes his fingers over Noctis’ hand, where his nails threaten to shred through his jugular, and takes it to press a kiss on his scarred knuckles.

“As long as you want.” Prompto smiles. Cold, like the aquarium that has them both trapped.

#mermay #final fantasy xv #ff15 #noctis lucis caelum #prompto argentum #i can type

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