#because my life is my responsibility and I don't want anyone to become co-addicted

[there-will-be-a-way]

Something about making your mother cry that makes you think you need to go to jail

[capt-sievert]

Does anyone want to listen to more of my Oblast rescue Au? I'm not waiting for an answer y'all are getting my rambles whether you like it or not hehe

Oblast lore:

The Oblast is a ship run by an Ukrainian agency focused on rehabilitating and helping "difficult situations" get back into social life, such as addicts and/or mentally ill people. It's more like a school trip than an actual job. It's funded by the state so they don't have to pay anything, but they won't get paid in return since it's, as I said, not a job.

The whole ship is in Ukrainian so Pripyat and Nikolai are captain and co-captain since they're the only ones who can understand it.

Pripyat however believes in a more "everyone's say is fundamental " type of approach so he views himself as more of a spokesman than a captain.

They get bi-weekly check-ups by the crew on earth, except on emergencies, where someone (usually Nikolai) needs to send a request for an emergency meeting (hehe amogus)

The ship is... Old, to say the least. It's not really well cared for and its state isn't the best, but it holds up. It's something state-owned after all. It doesn't look way as "fancy" as the Tulpar does, it doesn't have big screens or machines to cook their food, but it has a tv and a game console brought by Isaiah.

They do have portholes though, which is how the crew saw the Tulpar.

Isaiah is only there to supervise Darien since she's a minor.

The ship used to be a big industrial freighter ship that got repurposed. It has a shitload of rooms because it used to carry dangerous stuff that entailed a lot of personnel for its supervision.

In relation to the Tulpar:

The Oblast crew sent a message to the wrecked ship in Ukrainian, English and Chinese consisting of an "Hello? Is somebody there?"

Once they get a response, they immediately set up a rescue to transfer the Tulpar workers to their ship

Pripyat hits it off quite well with Swansea, Daisuke admires him and Anya and Curly are pretty intimated by him, as he's a big guy after all. He doesn't have good vibes from Jimmy but doesn't interact with him almost at all. He's cold with everyone but cares a lot for his crewmates (hehe amogus again)

Nikolai really likes Anya and almost immediately takes her under his wing. Well, Nikolai is a social person so she hits it off with basically everybody. Him and Daisuke become good friends

Emily doesn't like anyone but Anya off the bat, especially Jimmy. He ends up getting a bit too touchy with her and that pisses her off.

Isaiah is a chill guy with everyone. Curly enjoys when he sings to himself when he's tidyng up the medbay or helping him do something.

Darien is distrustful of everyone except Anya and Daisuke.

The crew takes shift taking care of Curly for the most basic tasks such as feeding, while the more "medical" roles are filled in by Anya and Nikolai.

They have game nights! Sometimes it's board games, others are videogames, others are card games. Pripyat hates monopoly with a passion so he dips out every time they play it.

I have some more, let me know if y'all are interested to hear about them!

[timeoverload]

I guess I'm sort of ok now. I'm calm now at least but I can't sleep. I'm really sorry about last night. I know I need to keep trying harder to control my emotions and I can't act like that no matter how I feel. I don't know how to shut up sometimes and just let things go. I know my behavior has been incredibly erratic lately. I am having a hard time managing myself and I should have just taken my anxiety medicine last night instead of going to get beer. I'm not sure why I impulsively do that sometimes when I get upset. I know it's extremely unhealthy and it's not going to make me feel any better. I don't even drink that much most of the time but I've been getting triggered a lot the past couple weeks. I don't know what's wrong with me because I know better. I've been feeling a little self-destructive lately and it's really shitty so I'm trying to get my bad thoughts under control. Sometimes I feel like I have a monster in my head telling me what to do. I don't want to hurt myself or other people by acting this way. I don't want to cause anyone to be worried or stressed.

I'm also going to try really hard not to drink anymore unless it's a special occasion. I don't want it to become a habit. I'm not going to let myself buy any more for a while no matter what happens. I need to be better at sitting with my emotions. I can't drink when I'm not feeling stable. I need to be more responsible and take better care of my body. I can't mix alcohol with the ativan anyway and I don't want to get sick because of that. I am trying not to take the ativan every day unless I absolutely need it because it makes me feel gross. I can't drive or do anything after I take it. I don't want to have to rely on it because it has the potential to be addictive. I hate taking pills every day as it is.

I just need to learn to manage my stress and anxiety in other ways. I wish it was easier for me to exercise outside of work. I haven't tried to do yoga in a long time and I would like to get back into that. It would also be good for me to start reading again. I just need to get outside more. I think my vitamin D level is probably super low because I'm inside 90% of the time.

I don't think spending most of my time in solitude is good for me at all. Sometimes I even go most of the day at work without saying much to anyone. I live a pretty quiet life. I'm frustrated because I tried to ask some of my co workers to hang out sometime because we get along really well but I don't think they want to because I'm a couple years older than them. They all got together for the 4th of July and didn't say anything to me about it. We don't have a lot in common either so I guess I understand. I probably seem pretty boring to them but it's ok. I've gotten used to feeling left out. I think I'm just too weird and I act like an old woman a lot of the time.

I got to talk to my grandma a lot this weekend and that made me feel a little better. Since my mom isn't involved in my life, it's nice that I'm still able to talk to her. We have a lot in common and I'm glad I can go to her for advice and support. I hope I can go see her soon. I wish she didn't live so far away. I feel so bad for her because she doesn't really talk to anyone either and no one goes to see her. I can't tell her everything that's going on with me but I know she probably understands me better than a lot of people do.

I think I am also going to be working through my trauma for a long time. I don't like letting it interfere with my life. I don't want to upset people because I'm out of control. I didn't want my family to see how bad I am and it's embarrassing. I'm definitely not the same person I used to be and that's both a good and a bad thing. I don't want to let my past experiences to define my life and who I am. I don't want to think about it anymore and I want to leave it all behind me but that's easier said than done. I want the nightmares to go away. I know healing can take years so I'm not giving up. I know that my life has still improved a lot and I have more peace now. I need to be more thankful for that.

I also think my hormone levels have been super out of balance for the past couple months. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm starting to get worried that something isn't right. I'm still anxiously awaiting the results of my blood test. I'm hoping I don't have something wrong with my thyroid. It might be TMI but it's possible that I have more ovarian cysts. They found a large one when I was in the hospital for sepsis but it went away a few months later. I would have had to have it surgically removed if it didn't go away. I know they can come back. I've had a lot of pain in that area and my abdomen is slightly distended among other issues. I am going to make an appointment to get that checked out sometime this week. I feel like my problems are never ending and it's just one thing after another.

I'm trying to be optimistic right now that things will get better. I just need to keep reminding myself that everything is going to be ok. I can't let stuff that I have no control over get me down.

Maxwell, I'm really sorry for being rude to you. I hope I didn't ruin your vacation. You deserve to do fun things even if I'm not with you. I know you work very hard and you probably don't get enough breaks. I shouldn't expect you to invite me to anything. You don't have to do anything for me. It's wrong for me to be so intrusive and it's none of my business. You don't have to share anything with me. I realize I probably can be a little intimidating at times. I do feel like you have walls up and you don't want to let your guard down. I understand if you don't want to be more open with me but I wish you would be. I just love you so much and being apart from you is very painful, especially when I can't do anything about it. I just wish you were here.

I probably won't be as active on here for a few days because I still think I need a bit of a break from the internet. I'm still feeling really sad and I don't want to dump my negative energy on other people anymore. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them but I'm trying to avoid having another episode. I'm also not feeling very talkative. I'm going to do my best to pull myself out of this slump. I truly hope this week is better for everyone. Thank you to everyone who reads my posts. I appreciate you. Thank you for caring. It does mean a lot to me. Sometimes I just don't believe it but I know there are a lot of people that care about me. I know I can be a drag sometimes so thank you all for putting up with me.

[transsongtaewon]

I think there are a number of problems with the claims (and the suggestion) made in this post.

I don't disagree with everything, a lot of people tend to overlook how young Yoohyun was when he awakened so I'm glad to see that pointed out.

Beyond that though, Yoohyun's responsibility for how Yoojin ended up pre-regression is pretty overstated in my opinion, especially by the anon. When Yoohyun left home, he could not have known how badly that would end up playing out, especially considering how self-reliant Yoojin had been pretty much their entire lives. He assumed that while Yoojin would definitely be sad, in the end he'd be fine. Yoohyun severely underestimated the "co" in "co-dependency".

Yoohyun also notably did not force Yoojin towards the path he ended up on in the least. He did not purposefully prompt Yoojin to awaken (as can be seen through Yoohyun and Yoojin meeting post-regression because Yoohyun wanted to stop Yoojin from going forward with the awakening-broker he contacted), he did not want him to become a hunter (not actually mandatory after awakening! Yoojin could have just not done that! He was desperate for his brother to pay attention him but he wasn't forced to do that!).

It's also wrong to say that Yoohyun never attempted to help Yoojin. There is the aforementioned incident with the awakening broker, a time Yoojin's alcoholism got bad enough to almost kill him and Yoohyun arranged rehab for him (I think the post is written about the manwha only and I don't exactly remember what has and hasn't been mentioned in the manwha as opposed to the novel so if this is news to you, apologies, but I promise I did not make it up), and even Yoohyun not helping Yoojin heal his knee was an attempt to stop him from continuing to go to dungeons, a place where Yoojin would in all likelyhood eventually die, both due to the inherent danger found there and also because they are where the fillial piety addicts (and system admins) can interfere. I don't think I need to point out that this fear turned out to be justified. Yoojin kept going to dungeons to his own detriment because he couldn't let go of Yoohyun no matter how much Yoohyun discouraged that. Trying to make it physically impossible for Yoojin to continue was a very extreme move but it also wasn't anywhere near his first attempt to get Yoojin to stop.

This isn't to say that what Yoohyun did wasn't wrong, but he also isn't at fault for everything that went wrong in Yoojin's life. Yoojin, contrary to what the manwha seems to believe, is a fully autonomous person capable of making his own decisions, including bad ones.

In this context I think it's also relevant that Yoohyun is not the only one who did bad things in their relationship. Yoojin was incredibly resentful and angry at Yoohyun, he didn't silently suffer with dignity by any means. The one who exposed Yoojin to the media was Yoojin himself. Yoojin convinced himself that he felt nothing but anger and hatred for his brother until the moment he died. There wasn't an easy one-sided fix in this situation.

The last thing I want to respond to is actually what prompted me to write this in the first place (apologies for the long preamble (?) I think by this point it is obvious that I have no way of being casual about the s classes that I raised) and that is that the Truman Show idea is 1) out of character for Yoohyun to ever attempt 2) would not have worked 3) is just generally a pretty bad idea.

I think that this is not something Yoohyun would think of, or at the very least never act on. This is because Yoohyun is too possessive and jealous of Yoojin. That's part of why Yoohyun decided to go the no-contact route in the first place, in his mind the options where either he is never close to Yoojin again or he locks Yoojin up and Yoojin doesn't have contact to anyone else. This can be seen in the story by the fact that it is what happens once Yoohyun decides to be in Yoojin's life again. It also plays off the idea that an srank caring about someone can end pretty badly for them, case in point Yoohyun almost faking Yoojin's death so no one else will try to look for him (so he is protected from the world) after he disappears in a dungeon. With that sort of black and white thinking in mind, I believe it is obvious that from Yoohyun's perspective, leaving Yoojin's life was actually the kind thing to do as it left Yoojin with his freedom and would only cost him his brother. But it also means that Yoohyun, still feeling very possessive of his brother, would not purposefully send people Yoojin's way to replace himself, the thought of Yoojin finding a different younger brother figure he might even like more is a horrible one for him. Even after they reconcile, Yoohyun only tolerates Yerim and Peace and still fights with them for Yoojin's attention. Yoohyun did keep eyes on Yoojin with the intent of protecting him, that just didn't include those people becoming involved with Yoojin. And even if it did, it

would not have worked the way anon is proposing. I feel like this is a pretty easy conclusion to draw because Yoojin did very much continue to form connections after Yoohyun left and it did not fix anything. It made his life worse, because those people kept dying which was incredibly traumatizing for him! But even if they hadn't died, they still didn't replace Yoohyun because Yoohyun isn't replaceable to Yoojin. Yoojin would never be able to move on from Yoohyun without at least some kind of closure between the two. In many ways, that is the point of the story.

I am not sure how to phrase this point without sounding a little mean but. Do you (both anon and Dumás) understand that the point of The Truman Show is that the Truman show is a horrible thing and should never happen? Like, that the happy ending of the movie is Truman leaving the show and finally having the control about his own life that he has been denied from day one? I think a scenario where Yoohyun tries to make Yoojin get over losing him by sending actors into his life to make him happy would be interesting but also, and I cannot stress this enough, a horrible thing to do. Yoohyun definitely did some questionable stuff while trying to distance himself but this idea is so much worse. (Although now I kind of want to see a fanfic where this does happen.)

In conclusion, trying to frame the conflict between Yoohyun and Yoojin as 100% Yoohyun's fault or acting like it's something Yoohyun could have easily fixed by himself is not very useful and shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the characters.

Why do you think yoohyun didn't make a Truman Show for yoojin? If he couldn't contact him then he could hire people to play the role of yoojin's best friend or send a partner to start a business with him or even better; send a child to be looked after by him. But he left him to get beaten up on streets, God knows how many time. Looks like he had millions but no intelligence or creativity.

The Truman Show would be a damn good idea, you're right.

On the one hand, I understand why Yoohyun made that choice. When he awakening and left he was 17, right? At the time of the story, the Korean age system is a goddamn blackwoods. Like at birth a child is already a year old plus another year on the first day of the new lunar calendar. That's crazy. So he was about 15 when he awakening? Crazy ×2.

A 15-year-old boy. At that age, kids prioritize justice and the bright side. Sometimes I think psychologically Yoohyun stayed at 15, so he didn't want to watch from the outside as his hyung lived in a bubble of lies and pretense. Yeah, Yoohyun, of course it's better to watch your brother suffer, right??? Ugh, it's killing me. Damn punk.

How much will a kid think before making the most dramatic decision? Nah. There was probably only one thought in his mind. That he and the capabilities of his future enemies were dangerous to Hyung. And then came the alien assholes.

Now let's put aside the idea that he's a child. Later, 3 years later, he really had many opportunities to make his hyung's life better. But it seems to me that Yoohyun was overcome with depression and the idea that he was on the only right path. (And as I noted earlier, he could have had a policy of honesty.)

Fear for hyung, the dungeons, the guild. So many problems, it's impossible to stay emotionally stable. Perhaps because of his psychological state, he didn't see and didn't want to see alternative paths.

At this point, I felt like slapping him. Okay him, okay public opinion, but the moment he refused to treat Yoojin's leg, it went too far. He wanted to protect him, but instead of protecting him, he crippled him. As the system said, protection s ranks often turn violent.

He can be understood, but not easily forgiven. That kid really made stupid and terrible decisions, it was useless to argue with that. It was Yoohyun's decisions that made the situation so terrible.

We will always see more opportunities from our place behind the 4th wall, it's true, but that doesn't make the Han brothers' situation any better for themselves. Yoohyun should have pulled his head out of the sand and looked at the situation soberly.

So yeah, the truman show is a damn good idea. Too bad Han Yoohyun was such a petty dramatic brat (in both good and bad ways).

[distant-wcrlds]

This is the main blog/multimuse ask blog for the following RP blogs (crossed out options are on Hiatus, but I might still answer asks about them if I'm feeling it):

@gayrett-hawke (DA2 PC) 18+

@laimdalen-itellam (DA:I PC) 18+

@lovely-little-bull (Riordanverse OC)

@slayemal-na-nerate (Star Wars twin Zabrak OCs) 18+

@sweltering-in-central-city (Arrowverse OC) 18+

@empath-from-azarath (TT 2003 Raven)

@not-a-twilek (Star Wars OC) 18+

@guardian-of-gotham (Mixed canon Bruce Wayne) 18+

@not-so-artificial (GL:TAS Aya) 18+

Rules:

1. For the most part, no explicit content. I am an adult, and I'm okay with some mature language and themes, but if it starts getting too far, I'll let you know. In general, avoid graphic descriptions of body parts and intimacy, but when in doubt, just pretend we're co-writers for a TV-14 show. For my muses under the age eighteen, this rule is obviously much stricter. Pretend you're talking to a younger pre-teen sibling (since I unfortunately know how inappropriate casual conversations can become in high school). Both of them happen to be asexual, so you can discuss that to an extent, but anyone who sends them sexual comments or asks invasive questions on the matter will either be given a warning or blocked on sight depending on the severity of said action. Despite Raven's adult-verse being added, this will still apply to her for now, because her default verse still involves her being 14-16. Also, over the years, I've gotten more desensitized to things of an adult nature, and under certain circumstances, I may be willing to write through intimate scenes instead of fading to black for applicable muses. However, expect the language to be vague and poetic, and if you know me irl, please don't mention things of this nature in person, bc my sex-repulsion is still very strong once my brain comprehends any connection to another tangible person. Specific NSFW guidelines here.

2. No God-Modding/Auto-Hit/etc. unless we discussed it ahead of time. Of course, if I reblog an RP meme that invites you to hurt or control my muse, you can temporarily ignore this rule to an extent.

3. Please plot with me if you want to write together. I don't like going into RPs completely blind. We don't have to work out every detail, but I'd at least like to get the basic gist of your character and the type of plot you want before starting anything. If I have no idea what our muses' relationship with each other is like, I'm not going to respond to any starters you send me. I also reserve the right to turn down certain plots and/or characters I'm not interested in interacting with.

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6. Feel free to reblog anything from my blogs except RP threads that you aren't part of. This is for my writing partners' comfort, and other than that exception, I couldn't care less about my notes getting clogged or reblog karma or whatever... I've literally had people reblog my bios and plot wishlists, which was weird but not upsetting. Although, on the topic of reblog karma, if I notice that you only use me as a resource blog without showing any interest in my muses, I won't block you, but I'm probably not going to be super motivated to RP with you either. When interest is shown though, I love being reblogged from so I can see how our muses relate or to send you asks as well!

7. Given that most of my blogs are for OCs, I think it's safe to say that I'm pretty OC-friendly. I'll RP with any well-written character that I can see my muses interacting with. For crossovers, I don't usually do outside verses for my muses (I have experimented with Swelter having an X-Men verse that I might add soon, though), and I'm not the biggest fan of multiverse plots between different franchises, but I'm definitely up for writing with AU versions of your muses as long as they fit within the world enough for me to not be distracted by it. For example, I probably wouldn't write with a Dragon Age version of Swiftwind from She-Ra, since animals don't talk in that universe, but I might be more open to it if Swiftwind were possessed, since there was a demon who communicated through an animal host in one of the games.

8. You may want to tag the associated individual blog for any muses you want to interact with when mentioning me. Hopefully, I'll see it if you don't, but Tumblr has previously been inconsistent in showing that I have notifications for this main blog unless it's for messages.

9. I write any length from conversational to multi-para. I'll generally try to match your length, but don't feel like you have to do the same. In fact, shorter responses are often less overwhelming to me for that very reason. I'm prone to letting the words take over occasionally, but as long as you give me something I can respond to, we should be good. 👌

10. I try to acknowledge the real world as little as possible on here. I come here to escape from the struggles of life and don't have remotely enough followers to really have an impact on bringing people's attention to things. I may reblog informative posts if they're relevant to aspects of my muses' or donation posts specifically for mutuals in the Tumblr RPC, but please don't directly ask me to share things, because my highest follower count across my blogs is around 30, I believe, less than 5 of those followers seem to regularly interact with my posts, and basically all of them are dealing with their own significant hardships, don't have many followers either, and/or are just as strict or stricter regarding their engagement with non-RP posts.

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12. If you plan on sending asks to or writing with my Dragon Age muses, please note that I'm not acknowledging Veilguard as canon. I'm not opposed to writing with any characters from it, but I plan to essentially treat any post-Inquisition plots the same way I always have, where we make up things together based on events from the prior games. I may be reluctant to follow if I can only tell that you write Veilguard muses, because people who'd only played Inquisition already missed a lot of nuance regarding established lore, and I'm much more nervous about those who've only played Veilguard thinking core aspects of the universe are vastly different. That being said, as long as you're willing to adjust things to fit the previously established canon in our threads, there likely shouldn't be any problems. I'll link my specific issues and just general disappointments here once I write up a post for them.

Mun Info:

I'm not going to give out my real name, but you can call me Spook or any nickname based on my muse or sideblog names. As mentioned in my blog description, I'm 24 and use they/them pronouns. I currently work full-time, but my hours are inconsistent, so my schedule is constantly subject to change. My time zone is PDT, so I'm usually running at least a few hours behind everyone else, and I don't have the healthiest sleep schedule. From my interactions with mutuals whose time zones I'm familiar with, though, y'all don't either. Please know that I mentally calculate what time it is for you, and I do get concerned that so many of you regularly stay up until 3 a.m. or later. I'm a hypocrite, but please sleep. 💞 That's all I feel is necessary to put down. I'm bi, ace, and enby if you really want to know for some reason. I'm also neurodivergent, but I'm not going to list my diagnoses if it's not relevant. Thanks for reading, and I look forward to writing with all of you!

[there-will-be-a-way]

Something about making your mother cry that makes you think you need to go to jail