#because my commute would make more sense if i did that because my sisters are both in hs and theres no sense in driving up seperately

[electroniccollectiondonut]

ugh the elementary I work at combined into one building with the district middle/high schools and now I have to make some Choices about my work schedule

[periprose]

heard you were wanting some Logan requests. If you want more let me know:)

So I’m thinking this takes places after Deadpool 3, reader, Wade, and Logan are roommates. Reader is like a little sister to Wade, while her and Logan have been seeing each other. But anyway, reader returns home from her college classes for the day. Wade and Logan notice that she seems kind of off, but give her some space. Later in the evening Logan goes to let her know that dinner is ready, but he can hear her crying. So he quietly lets himself in, and he comforts her. He asks her what’s wrong and she tells him that she’s really struggling with her classes, but also she and one of her best friends had a conflict and are no longer friends. Maybe she tells him how she’s always really struggled with having friends, and she feels like she’s always the problem, but the conflicts have always been caused by her past friends (if that makes sense). But he just comforts her, and it’s just cute and fluffy. (I’ve had a lot of problems with past friends of mine, and this would have been very comforting back in may:)) feel free to change of add anything. Thank you🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hi!! I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this, I’ve been there and it sucks :( hopefully you make new awesome friends soon, and I hope you enjoy this!! I made Reader genuinely Wade's little sister if that's okay. :)

Plenty of Time

Word Count: 2.2k

Genre: Hurt with comfort, angst, fluff, some sexual implications but nothing crazy

You grit your teeth as you put your key into the apartment door, feeling the weight of all your books in your backpack drag your shoulders down.

“Wade! I’m home!” You call out to a seemingly empty apartment, as you open the door. “...Hello?”

“Don’t look at me.” Blind Al shrugs as she reads a book, tracing her fingers over the Braille, from over on the couch. “Those two motherfuckers have never bothered to keep me up to date, even though location sharing is a thing now.”

You sigh to yourself. “Thanks, Al. I’ll be in my room.”

You’re not in the mood to track down Wade or Logan, as much as you love them both– the commute back home had been rather exhausting today.

Another day of no phone notifications from your supposed friend, or ex-friend now if you’re being honest, lower grades on assignments than you were expecting, and a moody bus ride back with the latest depressing songs as your personal soundtrack of choice, that perfectly described your continuing spiral– it was enough to make you want to head back to your room and just sit with yourself in solitude.

You’re just beginning to frown when there’s a thump in the next room over.

“Hey, sunshine goodness sister of mine, we’re in the kitchen!” You hear Wade call out. “You know, making dinner for our favourite scholar. Isn’t that right, Logan?”

“Sure. I mean, I’m not doing shit, because you seem to think you know what you’re doing, and I don’t want to be apart of your mess.” Logan says in his typical, gruff tone, and you resist the urge to smile. 

He peeks his head out through the door of the kitchen. “Hey, kid. Wilson’s making some sort of surprise-casserole– don’t ask. You okay?”

“Um… yeah. I just need to get some studying done, so I’ll talk to you later, Logan.” You ignore the way his eyebrows raise– he’s clearly noticed that you’re blowing him off, but you don’t care enough to get into that right now.

“Okay.” Logan inhales, and heads back into the kitchen, wondering what the hell went wrong this time, or if it had anything to do with him.

“Ouch, big guy. Blown off that easily? Sounds like sis is finally picking up on the fact that she’s too good for you.” Wade says cheerfully, as he haphazardly tosses dirty dishes into the sink. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Logan rolls his eyes, and Wade ignores him– you did sound pretty down in the dumps based on your tone of voice, and he’s pretty sure it has nothing to do with him or Logan. Probably just a shit day at college.

Maybe his casserole would cheer you up.

/

After another gruelling hour of Wade making last minute side-dishes, and asking Logan to taste-test things, as Logan swears that he’d rather be out at the bar, if not for you staying at home; it’s finally ready.

You can tell. You can smell whatever Wade has managed to conjure up with your meagre budget, but you’re just not hungry, and you’re not willing to face them or tell them what’s gone wrong.

What even has gone wrong? Nothing super obvious, you know, but just the lack of anything momentous in your life… it feels embarrassing, it feels odd to be at this age and have nothing to show for it.

Like friends matter that much, you try to think to yourself. But it still hurts, knowing that when you walk through campus, through the city, you’re alone. And everyone else seems to be so good at having friends, big groups of people basking in each others’ presences, extroversion on full display. Someone you could never be.

You tried your hardest with your friend, didn’t you? But maybe there’s something wrong with you, maybe there’s something about you that drives people away. A broken friendship feels like you aren’t good enough.

Yes, you have your big brother Wade, you have Logan, and to an extent, Vanessa, Al, Laura, Colossus, Eloise and Yukio, but for all intents and purposes, you know these are people that have to care about you, and you think, even if it’s shallow to think this– they wouldn’t care about you otherwise.

Lately, you’re wondering what your value even is.

Tears start rolling down your face, and you slump down onto your bed, giving in to quiet sobs. 

/

Logan’s been sent to tell you dinner is ready, but he’s waiting in front of your bedroom door. 

He’s been in there plenty of times, and he’s usually not one to care that much about privacy– but he hears stifled, little sniffles, and he knows you’re crying.

Being a typical hothead– Logan can tell he’s getting mad, because he wants to know who or what could’ve caused you to be so upset. But he knows this isn’t going to help you, and right now you need him for comfort, not as a big, angry oaf.

He opens the door quietly, and shuffles over to your bed, where you’re crying, your body wrapped around a pillow.

He sits next to you, and touches your shoulder.

You turn to look at him, eyes watery, face puffy. “Logan… sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“What the hell are you already apologizing for?” Logan scoffs, brushing away your apology and grabbing your hand, trying to steady you. “You’re allowed to cry in your own room. What happened?”

“Well, for one thing, I’m not doing great in my classes. My grades are a lot lower than I thought they’d be.” You answer glumly, and Logan’s mouth twists in a way that tells you he’s trying not to laugh. “What?”

“It’s still pretty early in the semester, kid. Give yourself at least until midterms before you decide that you’ve failed.” Logan admonishes you, but you sit up, leaning in closer to him.

“No, Logan. It’s a bad start.” You shake your head. “I just… I don’t know if I can improve them by midterms.”

“Of course you can. You’re the smarter Wilson, you don’t even know how surprised I was when I found out you were Wade’s sister.” Logan reaches for your cheek, wiping away the tears under your eye, and you lean into his touch, feeling what you’ve missed. Comfort.

“Thanks.” There’s a beat of silence, and Logan waits for you to smile, to tell him that it’s all okay now and yes, you would enjoy kisses to cheer you up, but he gets nothing of the sort. 

You still look troubled as you pull away from his embrace.

“Is that really all?” Logan asks, and you shake your head.

“It’s something stupid, I swear.” You try, wanting to change the subject. The last thing you want for Logan is for him to find out his lover is some kind of lame, no-friend outcast.

“Nah, let me hear it, kid.” Logan holds both of your hands in his, so you don’t move. “I’ll make it better. Want me to beat someone up?”

“Not exactly, but that does make me feel better– if not a little worried that you’re so prone to fighting.” You joke, and he smiles a little, which makes you feel better. “I just… I’m really struggling with making friends.”

“And you think I’d judge you for that?” Logan snorts. “You’re talking to the original loner here.”

“Well, no, but you always take it in stride, Logan. I don’t know– you seem pretty cool to me.” You say, and he shakes his head.

“There you go again with overrating me and underrating yourself. Thanks, but I think you forget how much of that is self-perception.” Logan glances at you. “I’m not that cool. A lot of that is me pretending not to give a fuck about anything.”

“Ah, so you do care?” You tease him, and Logan scowls.

“Obviously. Why else would I be holding your hands, hearing you out right now? I care a lot.” Logan shrugs. “Of course, like with all things in life, people can take advantage of that– people might not care as much as you and I do.”

“I guess so. I just wanted to feel like I could do it.” You frown. “Like I could really be a social butterfly, I guess… you know my friend? A couple weeks ago, we had an argument, and she completely ignores me now. It’s like I never even mattered to her, and it’s not even the first time that’s happened to me. And then I just wonder, what if it’s not in the cards for me to have friends? What if I’m the problem and I just struggle with it forever?”

“Ah, kid. That’s not true, lots of really terrible people have friends.” Logan shakes his head. “Come on. You are not the problem. Friendships come and go, take it from me. You know I’ve lived a long, long time– and I’ve witnessed people change and grow apart more than I’ve seen things last. It’s not a personal thing, it’s just life.”

“Really.” You don’t sound too convinced.

“Yes, really. I’ve got a great example: Charles and Erik.” Logan squeezes your hands as you listen. “They were inseparable for a period. And without getting too deeply into it, both of them betrayed each other in the most terrible way. I could lie and say they never got over it, but that’s not true. Both Charles and Erik made their own choices, and they grew and went their separate ways, and they made new friends. In the end, you end up with the people you’re meant to be with in that moment of time.”

“And you’re saying that I’ll do that, too?” You stare into Logan’s eyes, trying to see if this is some sort of story that’s meant to placate you, or if he really means it.

“Yeah, of course you will.” Logan says it immediately, not even waiting a second to reassure you.

You believe him. “I suppose it makes sense. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who didn’t like me, either.”

“Now you’re getting it.” Logan leans back on your bed, against one of your pillows. 

“Well, it was a well-thought out answer. Have you just had that locked and loaded?” You lean back against him, and he lightly exhales.

“You forget my age, kid. I’ve lived through it many, many times.” 

“Well, you’re not gonna leave me behind, are you?” You ask, jokingly at first, but then you feel a sudden insecurity rise in your chest.

Logan gives you a hard stare. “No. We’ve got plenty of time left, and you should really be wondering if you’re going to be leaving this old man behind soon.” 

“I won’t insult your intelligence by saying never, but… I haven’t outgrown you.” There’s a yet left unsaid here, but you don’t think it’s true, you think you’ll stay with Logan for as long as he’ll have you.

“You could do better.” He states, and you laugh and shake your head. 

“Trust me, I wouldn’t say better. Different, sure.” You turn back to face him, and he stares up at you with a soft glance, from where he leans on your bed, and you decide to prove to him that he is the best.

You lean in and kiss him softly, and Logan exhales softly as you do, and it gets a little more needy, as you push against him on your bed, and Logan’s hands find their way around your waist.

There’s a knock against the doorframe. 

Wade grimaces at what he sees, as you and Logan pull away from each other.

“Hey, lovesick idiots. While you’ve been having sappy pep-talks and lukewarm foreplay, some of us have been waiting for you to eat dinner.” He shudders. “And if you’re about to initiate the unspeakable, at least close the door! And use protection, we don’t need a Wilson-Howlett kid with both of your self-esteem issues.”

“Wade– please, too far.” You tell off your older brother, but he raises his hands like he said what he needed to say. “C’mon, I had to listen to you and Vanessa going at it for years– and you wouldn’t stop even when I had trouble sleeping.”

Logan quirks an eyebrow at you.

“The headboard would bang against our very thin walls.” You mutter, and Logan laughs. 

“I’m very sex positive, I swear.” Wade starts, and you point a finger at him.

“That doesn’t sound true considering you’re enough of a prude to freak out at some kissing–”

“Well, in my defense, who wants to see their best friend and younger sister get it on? I always shut my door! Shut yours!”

“That never drowned out the sounds, Wade. You’re lucky this apartment has way thicker walls.”

“Both of you, shut it.” Logan stops the two of you. “I promise next time, we’ll shut the door and put a sock on the doorknob and everything. Now, let’s go eat.”

The minor kerfuffle is easily solved by Logan, and as you walk with him to the kitchen, hand in hand, you feel glad to have him on your side.

[liminalmemories21]

have you seen the deleted wedding scene? hell, even the whole thing? I want your thoughts.

Sorry, I saw this right as I was going to bed and needed to be awake and functional again in 5 hours.  So, thoughts developed during my commute to work this morning.

My thoughts on the finale episodes fall broadly into three categories - the good, the okay sure but why, and the bad.  I think this is actually kind of my reaction to this entire season, but that's a longer discussion. The Good

These episodes had some gorgeous scenes between characters.  TK doing Carlos's tie for him before the funeral.  The conversation between Carlos and TK where they postpone the wedding, and the way the whole thing is a mirror of the proposal scene, and TK promising that he's not going anywhere.  The moment where Carlos comes back and says, no now because this makes sense, you make sense for me.  The entire conversation between Owen and Carlos.   The joy of the wedding. [cutting here for anyone who wants to skip the rest of the commentary]

The Okay Sure, but Why

Iris stood up with Carlos at his wedding in place of his father?  Why?  Why on earth would you not have Andrea stand up with Carlos?  It would be such a mirror for Owen standing up with TK.  Or, if for some reason you don't want to do that (again, why?), Iris is an odd choice simply because we do not know her.  This has nothing to do with anything I think about the Iris plotline in general - but she's there in the first few episodes and what we know is that they used to be best friends but haven't spoken in 5-6 years.  If you want to have her as a major player at the wedding you need to foreshadow that - some throw away lines about, hey we had dinner with Iris the other night, or have her show up in the background at game night like Asha did.  And, if you aren't going to do that, and you aren't going to have Andrea stand up with Carlos, it would have made more sense to have one of the 126 stand up with him (Marjan maybe since Paul was officiating) - we've seen his relationship with the 126 for 4 seasons.  They know him. Carlos's sisters - why?  In a season that is heavily about Carlos's relationship with his family we know nothing about his sisters.  What did they think when he came out?  What did they think of his marriage to Iris?  What do they think of TK?  What's their relationship with Carlos now?  Do they live nearby?  It's possible I missed it, but I don't think they even got named in the episode.  I had to go look up their names on IMDB.  So, if you're not going to do anything with them, why have them there.

Especially, why cast Carlos's sisters - and their husbands, and at least one child - if you aren't going to cast Enzo and Jonah.  We haven't heard Carlos even mention his sisters before halfway through this season, but TK's first thought when he hears that Gwyn died was, but what about Jonah.  They had Carlos's sisters and family, and TK's uncle and family (who he's known for a hot second) at the rehearsal dinner, but not his brother and the man who was basically his step-father for 15 years?  Why? The Bad

Okay, the entire Judd-Wyatt plot line is a hot mess of stupid.  Wyatt is a grown man who was training to be a firefighter, but got no say in his occupational therapy?  What about his fiance/mother of his child?  She didn't get to have an opinion about this?  Is she also going to move into the Judd/Grace household?

Judd isn't trained for occupational therapy.  Just full stop, no further commentary.  And, giving up your pension is a really stupid financial decision?  Take the leave of absence Owen offered, get a home loan to make your house more accessible when Wyatt gets out of OT.  Continue to have a salary.  I do not understand any of the reasoning in this plot line.

There's a comment from Tim floating around that there were 30+ minutes of cut footage that they just didn't have time for.  And, what that tells me is that this should have been a three-episode arc, instead of trying to cram all of this plot into two episodes.  It would have given Carlos's grief time to breathe, and time for the investigation of Gabriel's death to play out.  It would have given more time for the wedding - why cut the scene of Andrea helping Carlos get ready the morning of his wedding?  This whole season has been about the wedding, and it's this triumph of choosing life, but we barely get to see it?

Also, the timing of Robert dying - TK and Carlos are going to cut their honeymoon short to come back for another funeral?  They're not going to the funeral?  They're coming home from their honeymoon and being told, hey while you were gone . . . .?  Also, this is so very obviously going to come back and bite Owen in the ass I can't even. I feel like the theme of this season was fathers and sons - TK and Owen finding a way back to each other, Carlos and Gabriel (and Andrea) finding a way back to a relationship.  But, I feel like a lot of the time the way it read was Carlos being gaslit about his relationship with his parents.  You hear Andrea regret the way they reacted when Carlos came out, but you never hear her say it to him.  You never hear Gabriel say it to him.  You have three seasons of Carlos feeling alienated from his family, and then a lot of moments this season where people tell him that he was wrong to feel like that, that he was so loved.  Which, fine, that's great, but doesn't actually erase a decade of feeling like he wasn't good enough.

So, in conclusion, some lovely gorgeous moments in an episode that had a lot of tonal and emotional whiplash.  Which is kind of what I think about the season in general.

[foster-the-world]

More info

I'm watching autism documentary #3. In a different key - it's interesting. Listened to five or six embracing autism podcast today. Talked to the special ed consultant. She was helpful.

She said they will recommend:

1. A SEIT (Masters degree special ed teacher) to do individual time with him for up to ten hours a week in his current class. She said all public schools should also have an OT, PT and a speech pathologist that he could see.

2. A 8:2, 10:2, or a 12:2 special ed class. They will provide all services including ABA therapy. The evaluator mentioned this on Friday so its mostly what I'm expecting they recommend.

Special ed consultant recommended if they give us the special ed school we should take it. They would bus him there. We will try to do a tour before our IEP meeting.

Unless the tour is super impressive at this point I would prefer to keep him in his current setting with the SEIT support. Our family prioritizes community/family highly. Both things would be given up/down played if we send him out of our community and without his sisters. Of course, we will do that if he really needs it but I don't see why we wouldn't at least try keeping him here. Everything says the least restrictive placement is best.

It helps that when I asked the assistant teacher how he is doing today she got a big smile on her face and said "He is doing great. He's playing, eating and sleeping. He's so funny." It made my heart so happy. Of course, he would still be great even if his teacher didn't see it. It's just really nice to know he's showing off his amazing self to others. He's high maintenance but he's so, so, so great.

It feels like whiplash going from fighting for two forty five minutes of OT per month for over a year to discussions of 10-30 hours of individual therapy at a special ed school to his gen ed teacher saying he's doing great.

Even if we don't follow her advice I appreciate the special ed consultants information. The only thing I didn't like was when she brushed off my questions about diversity of the student body in school options. She said it didn't matter. She did go on to say the priority at age three needs to be getting him the services he needs. Which makes sense. I would have appreciate that explanation with a "I know it really sucks but right now you can't prioritize that need because the special ed services are currently more important." Instead of claiming it doesn't matter. At some point we may not be able to prioritize finding a place with kids/teachers that look him, or a place in our lovely community or a place with his sisters. That doesn't mean those things aren't important. Those needs don't go away because he has special needs. The documentary is now featuring African American families of kids with autism. It's validating my concerns.

Researching ABA therapy. I don't even know what they would try to get him to do. He's not safe when he runs full speed without looking forward. When he's in a big crowd he gets all amped up and his body gets out of control in unsafe ways. I'm attaching a picture of the first day of school as an example. He was super excited to see everyone so he's movements increased tenfold. I would love to get him help with those things. I watched videos of ABA and don't know what they would do to help him through either of those issues? I'm reading the criticism's. I would like to see how its implemented in schools. I want to better understand what they are offering.

Let's see how the speech appointment goes tmrw. Its an hour train commute each way. Blah.

It's supposed to rain during Bee's park Birthday party. We can move it inside but its not ideal. Not really enough space for fifty people.

[kitkatt0430]

The time has come!!!! To watch the final four episodes of the Flash. Starting here with episode 10. I've currently got some tasty pizza but I may make some popcorn later. Will definitely have to resist the urge to throw the popcorn at the screen because my house is soooo dusty right now. (mid home-reno, at the point where all the big stuff is done and everything is now covered in a thick layer of drywall dust and i will literally be dusting the house over this for weeks to come)

The opening with Eddie is cute. Looks like 'Malcolm' is a research scientist? Since, from what spoilers I've seen, the N!SF is what resurrected Eddie, I have to wonder if the Malcolm persona was crafted to fit what Eobard wished Eddie was like. The N!SF has been retconned so much since it was first mentioned, but it started as an artificial speed force the Eobard created and it took Eobard as its first avatar. So it'd make sense if it was trying to remake Eddie in an image more pleasing to Eobard...

Still, it's too bad Malcolm isn't a separate character from Eddie.

Lol, Allegra as Rainbow Brite. I do find that hilarious. And the suit is awful.

Chester is no Cisco when it comes to super suits, that's for sure. How about calling up Ryan. He's not as good at is as Cisco, but he's not rainbow bathrobe bad at it.

I still think Cecile should have moved with Joe and Jenna. She's a great lawyer when the show remembers that she's a lawyer, but there's a lot of tell-not-show going on with her being a super hero and she seems happiest when she's with Joe and Jenna. This season's biggest problem, I think, is that it hasn't handled juggling the main cast well and, much as I like Cecile... I think that having her go into semi-retirement with Joe would have been a good choice. She still could have been commuting for her defense lawyer practice, giving us that one episode with Becky, but otherwise it would have been one less character to juggle and opened up the opportunity for Barry and Iris to raise Nora in the same house they were raised in.

Khione's place is very plant-filled. And I love that she's named them all. She's definitely leveled up on her powers since last we saw her and I like that she writes her diary entries as letters to her sisters, Caitlin and Frost. I still don't know what her purpose is because she hasn't done anything that couldn't have been easily handed off to someone else, so... *shrug* I've given up on the idea that she has an actual purpose that only she can do - you know, right hero at the right time - at this point. Still, very sweet.

Also did she have to look at the camera directly while talking about Blaine?

Iris - Since when do you do things last minute. Me - Where have you been? This man is your husband, sweetie. If he isn't doing something last minute, then he's doing it five minutes late.

Pulitzer nomination!!!! YAY!!! Go Iris!!!!

It's 'cobalt' blue energy that takes Barry to the past. I like the person who walks by cupping a cd player in their hands. That's so funny, but very 2000.

Oh!!! the laundry van!!! reference to the pilot episode!!! love it :D

Barry being an awkward duck with not-yet-Captain Singh. David is going to remember this one day and wonder. Anywho, love that Barry's first instinct is to go to Joe for help when he can't get back home. Not surprising it doesn't work out - you're a stranger to him now, Barry - but still.

Next try, Professor Stein. Who, given the time travel shenanigans he's already played with his own timeline at this point, would probably believe Barry a little more easily. But still not surprising he didn't believe him over the phone. Bet if Barry had shown up in person and started talking about the Legends, that would have gone better.

Of course, Barry then sees his parents. And just. Gets so focused that the Reverse Flash blindsides him. Love that Henry saves Barry from being killed. Nora's first thought at seeing Barry is 'he looks just like my father'. Their shared concern about Barry even though he's just some stranger... it's good to finally see the people who raised Barry before Joe. And that Barry's kindness towards strangers and sense of duty to help is something that is as much from them as from Joe.

Henry - I'm Dr. Allen and this is my wife Nora and we were first on the scene after your accident. Barry - *internally freaking out because he loves his parents but he knows his mom is gonna die soon and his dad will go to prison and he wants to save them, knows he can't, and doesn't want to fuck up the timeline again because he actually didn't intentionally time travel for a change* O_O Umm.... hi... I'm... Bart.

Barry calling himself Bart will never not be funny to me.

Nora - Can we call family or friends for you? Barry - *No mom, you can't call yourself, sorry* Nope.

Gosh, I do love Henry and Nora so much. They save this guy on the street, take him to the hospital, and insist on taking him out for pizza. Knowing they're such kind and helpful people really highlights what a tragedy what happens to them are because... how many people would they have tried to help if Nora had lived and Henry hadn't spent fifteen years in jail? Not with super powers but with just kindness and an insistence on helping the people around them.

Joe and David wanting to help Barry now too. :D Mysterious voice growls Joe's name and there's a blue crystal that... possess Joe? Well. Would you call that shade of blue... cobalt? *snicker*

Nora - Well, what about your family? Where are they? Barry - *AWKWARD* They died.

Again. Nora and Henry being so very, very kind to Barry. Giving him something he's missed for so long. And he can't accept their offer to stay with them, much as he wants to.

Matt!Eobard shows up, with the ominous helicoptor noises! Of course Barry assumes this whole setup is his fault. But it isn't.

Barry could be having a nice evening with his parents, instead he's at a bar with the guy who is an evening away from causing Barry's childhood PTSD. And Eobard laying out the situation is interesting because there are more options than Eobard mentions and he genuinely doesn't realize that. It's just... kind of fascinating for Barry to see what's happening from the point of view of knowing how this will turn out in the end.

For Barry to have the life that Eobard is threatening to take away... he does kind of have to let Eobard win. Just not in the way that Eobard intends to at that moment.

Barry going back to Henry's office right as Henry and Nora at talking about how they wish they could have helped him... do love that timing. :D

Barry getting to tell his parents that their love made him who he is even now, so many years after their deaths... even if they don't realize his words really are for them. Very sweet.

Uh-oh, growling voice is back. I suspect it's trying to stop Barry from getting to Eobard in time to save mini-Barry from Eobard's evil plans. Though that begs the question of why it brought Barry back in time in the first place.

Joe - Hey, so I know everything. Barry - Oh? Not even gonna question this. Help me Joe.

Waiting since the dawn of time, huh? So if the N!SF's main color is red, then why is it using blue now instead?

I like the doctor who takes charge when the hospital is damaged - she's my hero now. Oh gosh, she's Ramsey Rosso's mother. Now his disdain towards his mother for dying of HLH pisses me off even more. Dr. Rachel Rosso was an amazing woman.

Seriously, why is the N!SF's main color suddenly blue????

Barry - I'm not here to save myself. I'm here to save you. Eobard - Bullshit. *it's in his eyes, okay???*

Oh yeah, he's not here to save himself. He just... carries himself... out... of the building.

Though I do appreciate Barry risks his own timeline to offer Eobard the chance to do the right thing. But Eobard can't see beyond his own ego to realize that Barry already knows what will happen if Eobard goes through with his plan.

And I do love that we finally get to have Eobard call himself the hero and Barry the villain. Eobard cannot see beyond his own selfishness to realize that not only is he the bad guy, but that he's the bad guy because of his own actions. Even in his personal future when he 'embraces' being the bad guy, Eobard still thinks that it's all Barry's fault and the real villain is Barry even if no one sees it.

And there's the big fight. S1 Barry!!!! aww, back when his suit looked like actual protective gear and not a Halloween costume made of moisture wicking fabric.

Eobard - OH NO NOT THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS CATCHING UP TO ME!!!! Barry - Told you so. Also thanks for the catharsis, asshole.

lol

Back to Malcolm!Eddie. Who gets the classic struck by lighting of destiny, but it's red. Like the N!SF usually is but hasn't been all episode - see this is why changing the color coding for the N!SF to blue suddenly was bad. Consistency is important!!

And apparently the N!SF can transport objects because it also brought Malcolm!Eddie a police dossier. On Eddie Thawne.

That was actually a really strong opening episode for the finale. I am glad that they're closing the loop before the end of the show. That said, I'm not sure how I feel about it being one of the focuses of the series finale. It's appropriate to revisit what started it all at the end of the show, but at the same time there's been an obsession with Nora's death throughout the whole show that, at this point, it does also feel like they're beating a dead horse. But I'm not sure when else in the show it might have gone... unless they'd done Savitar as the Flash from the timeline Eobard came from where Nora didn't die with Savitar causing Flashpoint towards the end of S3 instead of Barry causing it at the end of S2, but I've got a post about that fanfic idea somewhere. (I actually really want to write that at some point.)

The fact that this was such a well written and paced episode makes me worried the rest of the episodes aren't going to live up to it. Because I've been watching this whole season and, uh, this quality of episode really isn't what the season's average has looked like.

Getting a glimpse of the N!SF's personality here does make me wonder just how much it may have warped Eobard's mind already by the time Barry first met him. Or if its personality was modeled off it's creator and it merely encouraged Eobard's worst traits. This Barry knows Eobard is capable of choosing to be a good person and caring about other people beyond his own selfishness, which is why I think Barry gave him the warning even knowing Eobard wouldn't take it. He still wanted to give that part of Eobard that genuinely wants to be a hero a chance to be one. Given what spoilers tell me the N!SF is gonna do to Eddie, I can't discount the idea that Eobard might have turned out very different as a speedster without the N!SF's corruption - and I think maybe Barry wonders that now too, having spoken to the N!SF directly through its possession of Joe.

That said, I do enjoy Eobard being an entitled asshole who cannot see beyond his own ego and cannot conceive of being wrong. We got a glimpse here of Eobard back when the character was still well written and fascinating to watch because he is a genius but his blind spots are so obvious to everyone but him. So when his well thought out plan falls apart, he doesn't see why until it smacks him in the face.

Anyway, one episode down and three to go.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 2 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

Every time Stella convinced me to go out, I always told myself it would be the last time but I had always been a bit of a liar.

Having to make the drive home on Saturday morning instead of Friday night was only part of the reason I was mad at myself for going out last night.

I could have slept in a little later, spent some time with Fawn and Colt but instead I was watching everyone around me get shit-faced and then fucking the first guy who showed interest.

That might have been what every other college student wanted but not me.

The idea of all that bored me but somehow I always ended up giving in.

It made me wonder if I did that because I was stuck searching for something within myself, trying to find a piece of me that had yet to be uncovered.

Or I just always feared I'd be missing out if I didn't go, even knowing I wasn't missing out on anything that didn't happen every weekend in the bars in college towns.

Thankfully, the ride back home from Providence was roughly half an hour, maybe a little bit longer and that was something my mother reminded me of whenever she sent me a text message or called me.

'You know, it's only half an hour. You can come home for the night and still make it to class tomorrow,' she'd say.

When my sister, Raven, moved out over the summer, my parents had all but begged me to start living at home and commuting to school for the upcoming year, despite knowing that I had already signed a housing contract and there was no getting out of it for the year.

My parents had six kids because they wanted a big family and they hadn't readied themselves for when we would start moving out.

So now I was on my way home on a Saturday morning because I could always hear the sound of my mother's sad voice in the back of my head about how much she missed her kids.

And I was hoping that visiting more often would make her voice fade from my mind.

Mom was waiting for me by the door when I arrived home.

She had a big smile on her face and held her arms open wide for me to step into.

"I'm so happy you're home," she exclaimed, throwing her arms around me.

"Colt has been on a mean streak lately. I need you to talk some sense into him before I make him sleep outside."

I chuckled, returning here hug and looking behind her small frame to see if Colt had been lingering nearby.

"What's his problem?" I asked, releasing her and shutting the door behind me.

"He gets like this when you leave for school," she told me.

"Because he likes when you take him out. I think it's worse now that Fox and Raven are gone too. And Fawn's always hanging out with Ava and her friends. I think he's feeling lonely."

I thought that Colt just liked being a little asshole sometimes but I wouldn't say that to my mother.

"Where is he?" I asked, noting the silence in the house.

"He's in the back with Dad," she replied.

"Dad's been trying to make him play outside more and get off that Switch thing he's always playing with. He's not happy about it."

"And Fawn?"

"Ava's," she said.

"Dan and Mandy are going through the same thing as us. They love having the girls there."

Just after the words left her mouth, the back door opened followed by loud footsteps bounding through the house.

Colt stomped inside and up the stairs, barely sparing me a glance.

Dad walked in with a look of exasperation, his eyes wide as he threw his hands up then let them fall to his sides.

"That kid is a menace," Dad said with a huff.

He wiped his hand over his forehead and it was then that I noticed the red mark on his face.

"What happened to you?" I asked, pointing my finger at him.

"We were playing whiffle ball. Colt hits too hard," Dad said, placing his hand on the mark then wincing.

"It's like he took all his aggression out on that poor ball. It cracked."

I stifled laughter as Mom walked over to him to get a closer look at his face.

I took the opportunity to go toward the stairs and to Colt's room.

Colt was the baby of the family and he hated being treated like it.

I could only imagine how much worse it had gotten since the rest of us moved out.

The kid was in seventh grade now.

He was at that age where he thought he was more mature than he actually was and didn't want to be doted on by our parents.

He had always looked up to the rest of his siblings but the two of us had some sort of connection that he didn't have with the others.

We were a lot alike but not in the way Fox and I were which made the two of us clash.

Colt and I were alike in a way that made us have a mutual understanding of the other.

I knocked on his door before entering, knowing he wouldn't hear my knock anyway.

He was sitting on his bed, headphones on over his ears when I walked in, playing a game on the laptop I had gifted him after I bought a new one.

I sat down on the bed next to him and yanked his headphones off.

Colt whined.

"Stop it."

"You stop being a punk," I shot back.

"Tell them to stop treating me like I'm a little kid and I'll consider it," he said and I winced.

He sounded more like me every time we spoke.

"You are a little kid to them," I told him.

"You're just going to have to deal with it."

I contemplated on whether I really wanted to say my next words.

I had been thinking about not manipulating or bribing my siblings after it became such a big issue between Fox and me but I felt as thought this situation called for a little bribery while it still worked on Colt.

"I'll take you out right now and buy you whatever new game you want but you have to start acting better," I offered.

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye then closed the computer and turned to face me fully.

"What if I don't want a new game?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

I let out a heavy sigh.

"Okay, then what do you want?"

"I want a new phone. I'm sick of getting everyone's hand me downs," he replied.

I sighed again.

This was my own fault, really.

The kid had learned my ways of always getting something out of whatever agreements or decisions I made.

He was only using my own ways against me.

"I can't just get you a new phone," I argued.

"I have to talk to Mom and Dad about that first."

"So talk to them."

I stood up from the bed and made my way to the door.

"The phone is way more than I offered, so you're going to owe me," I told him with raised eyebrows.

All he did was shrug at me with a wicked smile.

I shook my head and went back downstairs.

[1d1195]

its totallyyyyyyy valid to be feeling that way because truth be told, all those things are super expensive. and when they’re just sucker punching you from all sides, one after the other ?? nuh uh😮‍💨 like how much can one person truly afford yk ?? especially when one of thems a little further away like you mentioned, because you’ve just got so much more to worry about than a local wedding (hotels, gas, food, etc.) so i think it’s good you’re not taking on that extra stress. there will always be more weddings and the ‘no’ option is there for a reason🫶

ahhhhhh let me just start off and say thank you so much for your kind words, they truly mean more than you know💖💖 (especially the math thing bc i am not a math girly so i may just take you up on that😭) i don’t think anyone’s really rooting for me on my end (family, friends, & whatnot) so reading your message was just the kindest thing in the world really💘

i always think the exact same thing with the ‘well someone has to do that’ when someone makes fun of certain classes or careers and i rlly hate that people say that to you ! no one needs me to remind them of this but teachers are literally so important and i 100% would want to be one i just have no patience and im actually terrible at explaining things🤣 but i cannot tell you how much teachers can actually change someone’s life, i still remember very specific moments of how kind some of my teachers were back in school and things like that really stick with you, you’re job is so important, arguably the most important, so if someone ever tries to say something like that again i will personally take them on in a fist fight (now, i might not win but ima get the message across dw💘☺️)

thursday was soooooooo good omg i felt soooo bad for our girl when she was just sitting there like …..👀 while harry was getting talked down to by hailey AND WHEN SHE WAS THINKING ABT ASKING HIM IF HE KNEW WHAT SHAMPOO SHE USED HAHAHHA SHES SO REAL FOR THAT. idea for a future blurb: they go out somewhere on a saturday (his favorite day mhmm…) and run into her ex ;) srry but im alwayyssss going to be a sucker for jealousrry 

YAY LOVE A NEW SONG ! no because i completely understand what you mean about the romantic/whimsy part of it because something abt the violins and the guitar together is just soooo 🌅🌻🍃🌊✨ idek if that make sense but ya😭 i love love love the melody

HAVE THE GREATEST DAY OF YOUR LIFEEEEE <33333 sending the warmest virtual hugs🫂🫂🫂

~🎶

Not that it's like a competition or anything, but the wedding I'm not attending, the couple did not attend my sister's wedding so I feel less bad about not going 🤷‍♀️ however, I think my mom wants me to go because more than likely she needs someone with eyesight to go 🙃 so I bet I'll get roped into going even though I don't want to.

I'm so proud of you for doing what you want despite not having support! You always have my support and I'm happy to give you pep talks whenever needed!

I'm glad you liked Thursday, I feel so bad I really wasn't into it. I feel like it was super lackluster. I was going to put her ex in as well (because Jealousrry is a fan fave for sure) but I couldn't imagine writing another sentence for it 😭 I didn't want to force anything longer than I did! But i think her ex will make an appearance next time!

NO it makes so much sense! I just fell in love with it so quick! I thought it was so fun and it has really brightened up my commute over the last week of school!

I can't remember when you sent me your message regarding the wedding. You said it was a little over a week but idk if I answered the ask later than you sent it so I feel like it might be this weekend!? I hope you have fun if it is!

xoxo

[booksandwords]

People From My Neighbourhood by Hiromi Kawakami. Translated by Ted Goossen

Read time: 1 Day Rating: 5/5 Stars

The Quote: "Of course there's music," Kanae's sister said cooly. "That's why they call it the Music House." "But what kind of music?" "It depends. Everyone hears different music. The music that rules their destiny. It's no joke — music really does determine your destiny you know." — Kanae's sister and The Narrator (The Elf)

Warnings: Bullying, animal abuse, abandonment (it's debatable)

Let's start by saying this is a perfect book for someone who commutes on public transport. The chapters are only three pages long and they are engaging but simple enough that if you read early in the morning or later in the afternoon it is followable. The stories appear to be written from primarily one perspective, an unnamed narrator, or at least that is how I perceive it. I do refer to the narrator using she/her pronouns even though we are never given a gender, I draw the gender from the author's gender alone. I think that in Japanese the gender would likely be infered by the language used, that doesn't translate to English.

Have some comments on some of the stories

I read Chicken Hell and had a moment. M*A*S*H fans will get the same reaction.

"Deep-fried buns are yummy." — It was with this line that I realised that the narrator doesn't know the impact the she has on others. (p.10, The Office)

The School Principal is entirely unexpected to me. It was the first time I picked up that time is kinda fluid. At least I think it is. I do not like Kanae. I'm not certain we're supposed to. She may have been the narrator's best friend but she was also a bully. (The Juvenile Delinquent)

Hachirō made me laugh even while the idea of The Hachirō Lottery makes me kinda sad, especially the neighbourhoods reaction to it,

The ongoing stories about Kanae's sister (starting in The Six-Person Flats) are fascinating. She is a lot of things, none of them normal. All of them, a little eerie but more accepted in Japanese culture than western. The interpretation of faith is different. She has some perhaps disturbing come bizarre moments, see The White Dove.

The Rivals feels like an allegory I don't understand. Yōko One and Two are representative of a message but what?

The English translation of the song the narrator hears in the Music House (The Elf) makes Saigō Teruhiko's Hoshino Flamenco/ 星のフラメンコ very difficult to find. It's rarely if ever called flamenco of the stars when performed by him.

The Buriers is an interesting concept. Asking the reader to decide what is a raw thing?

Uncle Red Shoes is a great inclusion. I will say it makes more sense once you see this. (Kawakami uses a technical term. Banana)

What a fantastic literal interpretation of Lord of the Flies.

🤨 is my only real reaction to Bass Fishing. Aside from WTF? I feel like we just jumped the shark.

Pigeonitis... I do like the side effects of it and Kiyoshi Akai's bitterness.

A Sport's Day without any physical activity is a unique proposition. But a good one. (I present to you chess)

"Her life is perfect" "Yeah. She even married a prince." "And made a pile of money." "And walked all over men, but they still followed her everywhere." "But isn't a princess supposed to be no bigger than your thumb?" "They say it's cos she got as big as a regular human being after her wedding that she and the prince broke up." "No way," Kanae's big sister put in. "You mustn't believe in fairy tales," — This is the narrator and Kanae talking about The Princess. I love this interpretation of what a princess is supposed to be. (p.73, Fruit)

Damn Dolly... Did not see that coming *insert any good for her gif here* (Fruit)

No discussing Eye Medicine because spoilers.

Baby is a lot to take in and I'm not certain I understand it. There is something there I know I am missing.

Sōkichi Nashida's story is sad. One of success, yet a feeling of emptiness leading to an ultimate feeling of unfulfilment. It is just really well written. One of the few that doesn't use the main narrator's point of view. (The Family Trade)

It was thanks to Kanae's big sister that we learned the shacks were actually 'emotion rooms'. She had put the question directly to her class teacher, and he had explained that, of the four shacks, the pale red one was 'the sadness shack', the pale green one was 'the anger shack', the white one was 'the hate shack', and the yellow one was the 'shack of joy'." — Briefly the shacks expand when someone who enters them is experiencing purely that emotion. I appreciate the colour alignments. Aside from yellow, they all feel different from the norm. I also just like the idea of them. They're cool. (p.114, The Shack)

The woman who runs the Love is the focus of two stories The Love and The Empress, the final story. I like her. She is an unexpectedly confident and self-assured woman. Her actions lead to unexpected but wonderful final lines.

I do recommend this to people. There may be something lost in the translation but not enough for it to be off-putting. There is a whimsical element to it that was unexpected coming in and as it goes on it gets more so. Everyone is connected and the characters thread through regardless of what is going on in the wider neighbourhood. Both The Secret and The Empress (the first and last stories respectively) are strong. They are kind of the two ends of the scale, as strange as The Secret may be (though I did enjoy it) it has nothing on The Empress. It is a little different for me, I have started looking for other books by Hiromi Kawakami, I like her style.

[haik-choo]

karasuno first years out late w/ their s/o

request: Could you write how 1st years (yachi too pls🥺) going out with their s/o late at night ?

a/n: this is such a cute little concept i -- 

[KARASUNO FIRST YEARS OUT LATE AT NIGHT WITH THEIR S/O]

-tsukishima, kageyama, yamaguchi, hinata, yachi

tsukishima kei.

not gonna lie, he’s often awake late at night. he’s a night owl and doesn’t mind sacrificing his sleep to watch some youtube videos

occasionally, he even goes out late at night, slipping past his parents and brother’s room and softly closing the front door with his headphones covering his ears and his hands stuffed in his pockets

so when you text him at 3am and ask if he can go out with you to the convenience store, he agrees in seconds to meet you at the halfway point between your houses

wastes no time in putting on his sneakers and a hoodie; he wants to get there quickly so that you aren’t left out by yourself

tsukishima knows there’s creeps out there, which is exactly why he jogs to the halfway point and is relieved when he’s the first one there

as soon as he sees you in the distance he fast walks to catch up to you, and slips his hand into yours

he totally brings bluetooth earbuds so that you two can listen to the same music instead of his wired headphones <3 uwu

is always on the lookout for any weirdos, and if he spots someone eyeing you up he shoots them the nastiest glare

eventually wraps his arms around your shoulder while your hand is sitll in his and its that cute little thing where your arms is across your chest holding his hand </3

pays for whatever you get at the store, ignores your complaints and tells you to shut up when you continue to insist on paying

“im trying to be a good boyfriend for once, for the love of god PLEASE shut up”

secretly takes a candid photo of you at some point in the night and sets it as his home screen -- NOT his lock screen, and when you see it he outright denies having taken it

tsukishima: you told me to take a picture of you

you: stop lying i know you’re a closet hopeless romantic 

convinces you to stop at the park and eat the snacks you both got there, music still humming in your ears as the moonlight washes you both in cool tones

tsukishima when he’s alone with you is so soft -- he literally kisses your hand and temple and mutters very softly “love you” 

all in all, tsukishima kei is the perfect night-owl boyfriend to go on snack-runs with 

kageyama tobio.

"why would i go out right now. do you know what time it is. i have practice in the morning”

kags really out here kinda hurtin’ your feelin’s ngl boy doesn’t understand the vibes LOL

honestly you probably woke him up, he’s asleep at like ten every night (even tho he still has homework to do he just flat-out ignores it LOL) 

only agrees to go out walking with you because you said he could bring his volleyball and you’d toss a few for him....and also because he’s a little worried because it’s so dark out

doesn’t walk with you to the park but meets you there LOL

he deadass has his wholeass duffel bad with the ball, two waterbottles, two towelettes, volleyball sneakers and everything

“you know,,,,we’re not playing a game, right, tobio?”

“yeah???? and??? what’s your point”

acts nonchalant but is totally having fun and is lowkey glad you asked him to go out so late because it’s cool out, there’s no one to bother him, and you just look...really good under the stars

he’s not a cheesy person but...god you just take his breath away sometimes. not that he’ll ever say that though

you ask to take a break like thirty minutes in because you are LITERALLY dying meanwhile he hasn’t even broken a sweat (”you’re already tired? maybe you should workout more” “shut UP kageyama”)

you both sit on the bench, and you’re lowkey waiting for him to reach for your hand but they’re just folded in his lap as he stares out in the nothingness of night

kageyama can’t take a hint. we know this. he’s incapable of knowing what you want unless you flat out tell him; so you have to be a very honest person

he doesn’t even really initiate skinship, not because he doesn’t want to, but just because it never really crosses his mind

plus he doesn’t feel the need to constantly show affection because he thinks it’s obvious that he likes you

despite this, he is good at spotting weird people, and he’s pretty protective of you, so you’re completely safe with him. trust him, he’ll keep you safe

all in all, have patience and stamina because kags will play volleyball with you until you pass out. also, he loves you 

yamaguchi tadashi.

is in bed by 11pm but doesn’t actually go to sleep until two am because he’s scrolling through tiktok on his phone

sees your text about wanting to go out for a late night walk and maybe go through the little forest near your house and automatically sends a text that says “ill meet you at your window! can you pack some snacks? :)”

he walks all the way to your house, even if it’s more convenient to meet halfway because he wants to protect you! he’s not the strongest nor is he the most intimidating, so all he really has to offer is his presence

despite not being strong nor scary, yams literally has eagle eye. you can’t tell me that he can’t read people in a heartbeat -- he’s extremely perceptive 

also texts you to not bring a jacket because he’s bringing on of his own for you !!! so sweet what the hell

he waits at your front door and when you step out he automatically pushes his volleyball jacket into your hands and he takes the bag of snacks from you and sticks out one of his hands UGH such a gentleman

lets you ramble about anything and stares at your side profile as he listens 

joins in with a few quips here and there but ultimately is pretty quite and lets you speak or lets the silence cozy into the conversation

sees that there’s a guy sitting on a bench up the road and he switches places with you so that you’re further away from the stranger 

also wraps a protective hand around your waist until you both are past the random dude but yams will glance behind yall every once in a while

when you two reach the mini forest he ends up taking the lead claiming that he knows a good spot

and damn, he’s right

it’s a little clearing that is illuminated solely by the moonlight and he sets the bag of snacks down beside him before sitting down himself, apologizing for not bringing a blanket that you two could sit on 

pats the spot next to him so that you sit right beside him and he leans back with his hand on yours ONGMIRG 

is the super cheesy type and tells you that you look really pretty and that,,,he kind of wants to kiss you

you: *experiencing heart palpitations* and you did this for what. 

yamaguchi: ...because i love you?

you: *K.O*

all in all, yamaguchi is the boyfriend that completely indulges your late-night escapades <3 

hinata shoyo.

is either completely fast asleep and doesn’t see your text or was awake and not planning to sleep for the next five hours, no in-between

but if he’s awake and sees your text, he agrees right away and asks where you want to meet up and what time because homeboy probably has to bike to get there AgAGAGAGA

literally doesn’t even show up in sneakers. he’s wearing sandals and shorts with a short sleeve top 

“i came in my pjs”

“i see that.”

asks if you two can bike around instead because he doesn’t want to have to wheel his bike around for like an hour 

he tells you to hold on tight because the bike was built for one person, and when you press against his back his warmth is literally so,,,comforting 

has no sense of awareness and will scream going down a hill in the middle of a neighborhood, no fucks given

so, no, he doesn’t notice any weriod people even if there are some around

you always end up running into some weird people and you get new interesting stories every other day because let’s be honest hinata is a magnet for crazy shit and crazy people (usually crackheads) 

you both just ride around as he talks about his day, usually his sister always comes up in the conversation( “she asked me to marry you the other day” “doirhgAEROIHFGRE SHOYO WHAT” “what? i told her i would. i keep my promises!”)

after like thirty minutes he begs for a break and you stop at a little 24/7 ice cream store that is run by the sweetest elderly couple

you share a sundae because you don’t want to eat too much this late at night

he plops on the bench right outside the store with his bike leaning against the metal handles, and h snuggles up to you and watches you scroll on your phone

he talks a little here and there, but for the most part, he goes quiet, and it’s during this time where you’re unaware of his gaze that he just takes his time drinking in your features in the yellow light of the lamppost 

he can’t read the mood most times, but this time he does, and he stays quiet, and he thinks to himself

that he really will marry you one day

all in all, hinata gives you the impulsive young teenage experience of late night bike rides while eating his fair share of ice cream

yachi hitoka.

another either or, except this time she’s either fast asleep or stressing over homework and the nine tests she has the next day

when you ask if she can go on a walk with you she’s hesitant because she doesn’t want to get in trouble with her mom and she’s a total goody goody and terrified of doing anything reckless; but then she remembers that her mom was on a business trip and so she, very cautiously, says yes

you: good. i’m outside your door btw

yachi: i never had a choice did i

you have to meet her at her house because she’s way too scared to walk by herself at night; she might even make you factime her as you commute because she’s worried for you

jumps at every little thing, even the crows cawing make her shit herself

instictively grabs onto your sleeve and nervously look around the entire time, to the point where she doesn’t hear what you say

so you offer to go to a little cafe that’s still open and right away she nods

she’s so adorable, she bows really deeply when you two walk into the store and apologizes for it being so late

and finally, because you two are safe, she’s calm and smiling as she sips at her strawberry smoothie

awkwardly and very shyly reaches out for your hand on the table and gently lays her palm on yours

canon: yachi totally has freckles and you can’t convince me otherwise 

her face is red and her freckles are just on display you can’t help but coo at her and tuck some hair behind her ear because god could she get any cuter?

you two end up staying for like a hour and a half and very shyly she asks if you could walk her home 

and this time on the walk she’s not overly cautious and seems to enjoy the nighttime breeze and your hand softly clasping hers

does that cute thing where she lays her head on your shoulder or arm while you both are walking and looks up at you through her eyelashes and asks if you could give her a kiss on the cheek </3

you: stop. please. im going to die.

when you’re at her door she literally just stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before tilting her head upwards and pressing her lips to yours and then promptly running inside

video calls you three seconds afterwards to make sure you get home safely 

all in all, you might need to be the impulsive one, but yachi enjoys spending late night time with you more than she admits. also please kiss her thanks      

[lubdubsworld]

Better Man.

              ~~~~We might still be in love, if you were a better man. ~~~~

Taehyung x OC 

Rating 18 +

Angst. 

Implied Infidelity in the past. 

Chapter 1 ~ Walk out the first time. 

"Are you okay?" My mother's soft voice came from behind me and i panicked, hurriedly swiping at the tears that were streaking down my face. Heart pounding, I grabbed a bunch of tissues from the dresser, patting my face down hurriedly , making sure to keep my back to her. 

"I'm fine, Mom." I said , voice surprisingly steady as I turned around to smile weakly at her. She stood near the doorway, a petite woman of fifty with greying hair and too many wrinkles. 

I thought she looked older than she was and i knew I had a part to play in that. Sighing, I tried not to cry more, moving to gently take my son out of her arms. 

He was four years old, fast asleep and smiling sweetly in his slumber. He had downy black hair, feather soft and warm brown eyes. He looked incredibly like his father, the resemblance stunning even though he was so young. I stared at him some more, laying him down on the bed and brushing the hair off his face. 

"Are you sure there is no mistake? Taehyung ssi wouldn't hurt us like this..." My mother said, sounding broken and I felt a pang of sympathy. But also annoyance. 

Us. 

Us....like she had an equal share in the hurt I was feeling.

 I was the one getting a  divorce but my mother made it sound like it was personal to her as well. Like somehow, the fact that she now had to meet her friends and tell them that her daughter was divorced could compare to the pain I was feeling. To the sheer anguish that was filling me.

To be fair though, my mother had loved Taehyung very much. Her favorite son-in-law . My sister's husband had been a mean drunkard who had brought a lot of misery to our family. Taehyung by contrast had been a loving, filial son in law. He had cared deeply for my parents, paid for my father's funeral ( even though the man itself was nothing more than a drunk , cheating fool who had abandoned us )  and he had been the most kind man . 

I swallowed. 

Maybe , you should have forgiven him. Maybe , you shouldn't have divorced him . So, he slept with another woman. Fine.  It was one night... just one night. you should have gotten over it! Was it worth it to spend all these countless nights alone? To break your mother's heart a thousand times over? 

 The funny thing was, i had forgiven him. Maybe right after I had found out. He had stood there, looking shell-shocked and horrified and his eyes had begged me for forgiveness and my heart had cracked , the way it always did whenever I saw him in distress. And when he had looked me in the eye and said, "  I’m sorry,  Jang mi..." I had forgiven him right then and there.

 But it was the forgetting that was hard. The fear that it would happen again. The fear that somehow, I was the reason he strayed. And that kind of fear can be debilitating. For the first three weeks, I'd tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I had tried hard to see him the way I had always seen him but it had been impossible. everytime I saw him, my heart had broken anew. It had been hard but I had to accept that things would never be the same. That I would forever look at him and remember what he’d done. That I would forever wonder if he would do it again. 

So we had done the wise thing. 

At first a break.

 A few days apart to get our head on straight.  Then I’d found a job and I had to move closer to the office to make the commute easy. And then suddenly, I wasn’t seeing him even during the weekends , to spend time as family for our son’s sake. And just like that , a whole year had passed and we  were separated. Only meeting to hand Hoshi over to each other. 

"I'm sorry mother." I said softly. I knew that she blamed me, a whole lot for the separation. 

People with children  didn't leave each other over infidelity in my country. You hit your husband, denied him from your bed maybe but you didn't break up a family over one night of bad decisions. You just didn't .

But for me, it was beyond the act. It was the broken trust, the shock of knowing that some other woman had given him something I couldn't, the fact that he had even wanted it from another woman had been enough for me to crumble on the inside.  

But, none of it mattered now. 

He wanted a divorce. Officially. Wanted to end it for real. 

It was jarring, how badly it shook me. I felt unaccountably lost and confused and disoriented. I couldn't imagine not being Taehyung’s wife , i realized with a stunning sense of self realization.

 Call me irrational, but apparently, I couldn't stop thinking of him as my husband , even after two years. Soon he wouldn't be my husband. 

He would be  my ex -husband. 

i hated that word. 

It had such a plethora of negative connotations to it. When you hear it , you just brace yourself for unpleasantness.

 Because it is unpleasant. A marriage ending, a family breaking, feelings hurt , hearts shattered,  angry words tossed...its all a very unpleasant experience for everyone involved. 

An ex husband was seldom a harbinger of happiness, more often a reminder of choices gone wrong, regrets and wasted time. and I didn’t want to associate Taehyung with a word like that.

Taehyung who was still the kindest, warmest human being I knew. The best father in the world. 

I felt like someone had sucked all the strength out of me.

I didn’t really want to think about the call I’d gotten from Taehyung last night. An appointment with a divorce lawyer.  It had been followed by an apology because apparently, someone in the law firm had let the info leak. And now it was all over the sleazy tabloids that fed on people’s misery. 

It was impossible to escape it too, Taehyung was famous. An idol. And actor. The country's sweetheart. And he was the epitome of perfection. The beautiful, talented actor with an impeccable record of well behavior. 

I knew that literally everyone on the planet thought he was a literal angel. 

 I remembered how much , by contrast, I had been hated when I'd married him.

I could just imagine how much more it would all be this time around. And i wondered if it bothered Taehyung too. Did he perhaps wish he’d never met me

? 

It had been sheer luck that we had met.... 

In fact, if Jimin's  car hadn't broken down right outside our home on that cold December night, I wouldn't have even met Taehyung. A great cosmic shift, somewhere some butterfly flapped its wing a certain way and suddenly, Jimin’s car ran over a thumbtack and his phone was dead so while he tried to fix the damage , Taehyung  just had to knock on our home and I had been the one to open it. 

Boom. That was it. Love at first sight. 

 I had been a high school kid and he had been barely nineteen. Fresh faced and cheerful , the struggling idol from a small company. He hadn't been surrounded by fans or chased by saesangs. He hadn't had security tailing him. No daesangs, BBMAs, or acting awards. No blockbuster movies to his credit , no chart-bursting songs either . 

And I had fallen in love with that version of him. 

The hardworking, talented young man who worked twice as hard as anyone around him. 

 That's right. You've loved him for fifteen years.  So it's understandable that you're upset. Now, maybe you can move on too. Go on a few of those blind dates that Jiyoung is always setting you up on. Go live your life instead of being a zombie. Get a hair cut. Dye your hair red. Do something to get your life in order. 

"I still find it hard to believe that he would want a divorce. Jangmi yah... did you tell him you forgave him? Tell him you wanted to try again..." My mother said again and the distress in her voice was equal parts heartbreaking and exasperating. 

"Mother, I don't want to try again . We aren't married anymore. It's over, whatever it was between us. " 

 Whatever it was. 

How cruel, to have all that love, all that affection  reduced to a phrase like that. 

What a pity. 

"But what about Hoshi? He needs his father..." My mother cried out and I willed myself not to snap. She means well, I thought miserably. 

"He has a father. Taehyung is an excellent father and you know that. Don’t start that again.” 

My mother sighed.

"I still feel that this wouldn’t happen if you tried a little bit. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy and you could never do anyone better. Why are you so full of pride, Jangmi... so prideful...you should be a little humble. Think of the kind of man he is...where would you find a man like that ? And moreover .... Taehyung loves you. i know he does." My mother said stubbornly. 

I sighed, feeling my fingers shake from the effort not to scream. I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation with her. Not now. Possibly never. Taehyung did  love me. Had never made any effort to hide it. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t. 

And I wanted to yell at my mother she was at least partially to blame for me walking out on Taehyung. 

My father had left us for another woman , when I was twelve. I had seen the toll it had taken on my mother and I just knew that I would never let a man do that to me. My mother had later confided in me that it wasn’t the first time. He had done it before. A lot of times. And my mother had always forgiven him. Let him back into our lives. 

And one night, drunk on soju she had confided between hiccups, ‘ I wish I’d walked out the first time.” 

And that had stuck with me. 

Walk out the first time. 

If he cheats on you , walk out the first time. Don’t stick around waiting for him to do it to you again. Walk out the first time. 

 And so I had. 

“ Should I talk to him? Tell him you’ve changed your mind? “ My mother began and I felt my patience snap.

“No!! Could you just, for the love of God, stay out of this, ma? It’s over. Our marriage is over and it has been over for a long time. A piece of paper doesn’t really change that, does it? Its not my fault you can’t get over it but that’s a you problem. And you need to fix it yourself.  “ I shouted. 

My mother immediately recoiled, eyes shuttering down. 

“Of course. You know the best. Who cares how anyone else feels, right, Jang Mi? You always know best.” She said softly, and I exhaled, shaken. There it was. The guilt trip. It was never ending. 

Please... I just need to go now.” I moved to grab my bag, :” I need to go get ready for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. You can keep Hoshi with you tonight.  I’ll come pick him up after I’m done and then I’ll drop him off at his father’s place.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Taehyung and I, our break up hadn’t been terrible. 

It hadn’t been terrible because our own penchant for being terrible had always been very minimal. We didn’t do swearing or fights or threats and it always annoyed our friends that we got along so well. That it was so easy for us to forgive and move on with each other . That we were the one couple who didn’t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes. 

Which is why, when we did break up, none of our friends had tried to change our minds over it. They had accepted it rather calmly, shocked at first because it was so out of the blue but not opposed to the idea itself . They just trusted us to know the right thing to do because we were easily the most mature , the most level headed couple in the entire group. We were usually the sounding boards , the voice of reason in whatever petty conflict our friends were involved in . 

So when it was us, needling a little advice, a little guidance, our friends had been woefully ill equipped to help. They had merely hummed and nodded and empathized. Maybe that was another reason I’d left. I hadn’t considered the alternative. No one had asked me to consider the alternative. 

Our friends had watched us drift apart watched us break up, but they hadn’t really asked us  why.  

Because if something had caused Kim Taehyung and Jang Mi to break up, man, that must’ve been a really huge issue. 

So the break up had been amicable. Gradual and slow but mostly amicable, eased by our mutual love for our son. We wanted him happy and he was happy when we were happy. So we put on a front, laughed and joked in front of him and let him have some semblance of normalcy in his life. 

It wasn’t easy. 

From him,  it had been nothing but a mess of   heated glances, touches laced with intent and eyes begging forgiveness . every gaze of his was a silent scream for a second chance that I was not at all ready to give. 

Because for me, the raw hurt and anger and frustration that bubbled up every time I saw him , it had nowhere to go. It stayed churning in my gut, made everything bitter and unpalatable and I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. How could I think of a second chance when the hurt from the first, was still so fresh, an open wound festering. 

Self esteem in tatters, I had hated him fiercely. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting was at his company, and I arrived at nine in the morning, with a few more minutes to spare.  I knew the place like the back of my hand, was here at least  once a week either to pick or drop Hoshi off and I knew that the conference room in the third floor was sound proof and cut off from the rest of the building for extra privacy. 

Which was a little too late because I’d found two tabloid newspapers waiting outside my apartment this morning. 

I opened the door carefully, surprised to see Taehyung sitting in one of the chairs, bent over a sheaf of paper on the table and next to him a leggy girl in a small skirt hovered, fingers resting lightly on his shoulder, bent at the optimum angle to show him her curves. 

I sighed, looking away.

It was way too early for this. 

“Mia!” Taehyung’s voice made me look up, and I watched as he stood up, pushing the chair away and moving to me . He was easily the most good looking man in the country. And he looked so good at thirty five that it was impossible to look away from him. 

He was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black slacks and it never amazed me, how good clothes fit him. 

I took in the broad shoulders, thick arms and the lean waist, the carefully styled hair and the breathtakingly beautiful face and sighed when he kept coming closer, hands held out. . 

Of course, the customary hug. 

i let him wrap his arms around me, my face buried in the comforting warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne filling my brain . He always smelled so good it made my heart hurt. I tried not to let myself get carried away. Tried to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than a.....

A facade ? Or was it? Was his affection genuine? 

Was I just too cynical?

I shook my head, pulling away and smiling a little at the genuine venom in the leggy girl’s face. 

“Are you okay? Where’s Hoshi?” Taehyung brushed the hair off my face, eyes warm and I wondered if he’d forgotten we were here to get a divorce.

 Whenever we met, Taehyung acted like we were still together. 

No, that wasn’t it. 

He just didn’t act like we had broken up. He was affectionate and open and cooperative. It always left me in a sort of limbo, unable to navigate our relationship with clear boundaries. There were no line to stop myself from crossing, because he just didn’t draw them. 

“ Ms. Lee says we just have to go over the details like the alimony and the custody and the division of assets and then we can just proceed. Get it all finalized.  “ He said casually, when I moved away and sat on the chair opposite him. 

“Okay .” I said casually. 

He smiled and turned back to the girl next to him.

“I’ll join you after the meeting Lisa.” he gave her a nice wide smile and the girl practically bloomed under the attention before bowing curtly in my direction. I watched her walk away, slightly amused.

“Bit younger than your usual type.” I commented , glancing at him. He gave me a look.

“I’m not dating her.” He shrugged. 

“Does she know that?” I retorted.

 It was dumb. Uncalled for. I was being a bitch, really but the urge to evoke some kind of reaction from Taehyung was something I’d never really out grown. I liked getting under his skin.

Taehyung sighed and gave me a little smirk.

“Are you jealous, Mia mine?” He teased. 

It felt a little like someone had dug a nine inch dagger straight  into my heart. 

That stupid nickname. 

God I couldn’t bear it. 

Swallowing i looked away. 

“Sorry. “ he said quietly, a few seconds later. 

I nodded curtly. 

“Don’t do it again.” I said hoarsely. 

“Why not?” He whispered gently. 

I groaned. 

“Taehyung... “

“it’s just a name...why does it bother you so much?” He whispered. 

“The same reason you’re asking me for a divorce.” I said softly.

He blinked.

“Mia...”

“Because we both know its time to stop.” I said quietly. “ Stop dancing around each other , stop doing...whatever it is we’ve been doing these past two years and give our relationship a name. “ 

“I’m not very fond of labels.” He shrugged. I glared at him. 

“Well tough luck. Labels are good. Labels are great. They let you draw boundaries. “ I retorted. 

“You sound like you’ve had enough of me.”

“Well, haven’t you had enough of me?” I snapped.

“Not even close.” He leaned forward gently, eyes pinning me to the table with a gaze so strong he may as well have used his body. And it didn’t help that two years wasn’t enough time to forget how it would feel if he  had  used his body. How it would feel to be stretched out on that table, him on top of me, hands working my clothes open, lips kissing their way down my jaw. 

I could almost taste him, taste the minty freshness of his breath, feel his tongue in my mouth, the hardness of him inside me. My thighs clenched because I hadn’t gotten laid in two fucking years and even if i did, no one would ever compare to the man in front of me. 

“Mr. Kim? Mrs. Kim? “ 

The lawyer’s voice broke the spell and i straightened, swallowing. Ms. Lee had walked in , and I watched her close the conference door behind her before locking it gently. 

She was young, dressed in a business suit , a no nonsense bun and had small round framed glasses. She gave me a nice smile, shook hands with us both and placed her briefcase on the table before glancing between us. 

“Shall we begin?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : its gonna be a bumpy ride. 

[zukkaflowers]

zukka enemies to roommates au

Sokka slammed his head on the cafe table, the noise swallowed up by the chattering of other customers. “I’m being EVICTED,” he moaned.

Katara raised her eyebrows as she drank her tea and then placed it back on the table. “Why?”

Sokka dragged his head up against the table until his chin was the only thing touching the wood and Katara made a face, no doubt thinking of all the germs that were now rubbed into Sokka’s face like lotion. Sokka couldn’t bring himself to care. He was too deep in his despair. “The landlord sold the building. And now I only have two weeks to move because everything around here is so fucking expensive and I got discouraged so I put it off—“

“Move in with Zuko!”

“...like I put everything—what did you just say?”

Katara’s face brightened, a stark contrast to the cloud of doom that had been enveloping Sokka. “His roommate is moving in with her girlfriend and he needs a new one. A roommate, not a girlfriend. And I think his place is really close to your work, too! It’s perfect!”

Sokka finally sat up, shoving his hands in his sister’s face to turn her brightness down a notch because it was hurting his eyes. “Wait wait wait, are you talking about the Zuko I think you’re talking about?”

“Is there another one?”

Sokka had many questions. “Why do you know he needs a new roommate? Why do you know his roommate is moving in with her girlfriend? How do you know where he lives? Did you just say, ‘it’s perfect’?”

Katara watched Sokka as he grabbed his drink, eyes never leaving her face in a demonstration of his seriousness, and then swallowed painfully with a grimace after realizing he’d grabbed Katara’s bitter tea on accident. “You’re such a goof,” she sighed in anguish. “Zuko and Aang actually went to university together and became friends. Zuko wants to be a teacher like Aang.”

Sokka sputtered. “WHAT?” A few strangers shot him judgmental looks at the outburst, which he ignored. “You—you—he—Aang—BETRAYAL??”

Katara rolled her eyes. “This is why we kept it a secret from you! We all knew you’d be overdramatic about it.”

“We ALL?”

Katara shrugged, finally having enough decency to look sheepish. “Yeah, me, Aang… and Suki and Toph.”

Sokka’s jaw dropped wider. “SUKI?” He clutched his heart. “Mine own bestie...”

Katara continued, “Well, it’s Toph that’s really close to him now, actually.”

“Figures. She’s always been my least supportive friend.” Sokka gasped as a realization hit him. “Is… is Zuko the ‘Captain Angst’ guy she keeps hanging out with??”

“Yeah,” Katara said plainly.

Sokka slammed his head back on to the table, where it might as well have stayed long-term.

“I’m serious, though, Sokka,” said Katara. “Zuko is… kind of okay, and obviously he has everyone else’s approval. You shouldn’t let a petty high school rivalry between you two get in the way of your current life.”

“‘Petty high school rivalry’??? Last I heard, there were four of us involved in the rivalry-ing! You weren’t too fond of him or his sister, either!”

Katara once again rolled her eyes. “All I’m saying is, the place is within your budget, it’s actually nice, and the commute is good. He’s only just started looking for a new roommate, and I promise that if you don’t try it out, you’ll regret it.”

“And all I’m saying is, if we move in together, Zuko and I will murder each other.”

Katara looked at her phone and stood up, collecting her bag and bile tea. “I doubt it. You haven’t spoken in five years, and you’ve both changed a lot. I have to go, Aang wants me to meet another stray dog, and we still have lunch with Yue, so I can’t let him get too carried away. I’ll text you details about Zuko’s place. Please at least look into it, Sokka.”

Her eyes were too genuine; he couldn’t say no. “Fine,” he grumbled, fully prepared to briefly skim over the information before moving on.

But when he did look it over, he saw that Katara was right. It was perfect. He could even walk to work if he wanted to, it was that close. The rent was well in his budget, even leaving extra leftover. He could maybe finally replace his cracked phone screen! Sokka sighed at the dim light of his laptop. The fates were telling him something. It sounded like, You will consciously choose the path of suffering, ahahahahaha.

“Sokka... wants to be my new roommate,” Zuko said.

“Hello to you too, angsty pants,” Toph replied through the phone.

“I think I’m going to say yes,” continued Zuko.

“Wait, Sokka? Katara’s brother?”

Zuko swallowed, eyes flicking to the stir fry he’d left on the stove. He’d been checking the notifications on his phone when he saw it and had immediately called Toph. “Yes.”

“Okay,” Toph offered helpfully.

“What do you think?”

Silence fell for a few seconds as Toph thought it through. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“That’s what I’m asking you for. If he’s reaching out, he knows it’s me, so he can’t still hate me, right?”

“I don’t know,” said Toph. “Don’t you like him?”

Zuko bit his lip and weakly stirred his stir fry. “But it’s not like I’m still—I’m not hopelessly into him. It’s just. You know, a little bit.”

“You’re not even going to interview him? What if he poops with the door open? What if he… what if he eats in the bathroom while he poops.”

“Would I ask him about that in an interview?”

“If you’re not a coward.”

“Okay, I’ll interview him,” Zuko said, relenting. “What do I have to lose?”

To: Katara

Sokka: uuugughghgghghhhhhhh zuko wants to interview me

Katara: You looked into the place!!!

Sokka: yeah but i’m seriously doubting myself now

Sokka: can i really pretend not to hate him long enough to get the place

Katara: Have you considered just

Katara: Not hating him?

Sokka: …

Sokka: how could you even say that

Katara: Ok I thought so

Katara: Well just be professional if you don’t wanna be friendly

Katara: Pretend it’s a job interview

Sokka: oh yeah

Sokka: because imagining that zuko is my employer would definitely not make me hate him 400% more

Katara: On the bright side, you haven’t reached the threshold of hate yet if it can be increased by 400%! There is hope

Sokka: ha

Sokka: i scoff in the face of hope

Sokka let Suki pick out an outfit for him before going to meet Zuko at the cafe they agreed to meet at. He wanted to look nice so that Zuko, at least visually, might be inclined to let him become a flatmate, but mostly he just didn’t want Zuko to have the upper hand anywhere, not even in his fashion sense. And Zuko had grown up with money, so he’d always been well dressed.

Sokka slipped the chosen tan sweater over his button down and pulled on a pair of black jeans. The clothes covered all his tattoos—he was sure Zuko would not appreciate them. His hair, he couldn’t do much about, so he settled for tying it back as he always did.

He was so distracted throughout the train ride thinking about all the valid reasons he had to hate Zuko that he almost forgot to get off at the right stop. But the walk from the station was short, and before he knew it, he was opening glass doors, scanning faces, and—there he was. Hair hanging in his face, chin on his palm, and wearing—a hoodie and ripped jeans? Sokka cleared his mind of surprise and tried to relax his face.

He walked over.

To: Toph

Zuko: It went well?

Toph: Be more specific

Toph: For example, what went well

Zuko: The interview with Sokka

Zuko: I’m pretty sure he doesn’t shit with the door open, and he definitely doesn’t eat in the bathroom

Zuko: He was also

Zuko: really nice

Toph: Really nice to talk to? Or really nice looking?

Zuko: Shut up

Toph: Hm deflection

Zuko: I think you’re wrong

Zuko: I think it won’t be hard to live with him

To: Katara

Sokka: GEEZ THAT WAS SO HARD

Sokka: the whole time he’s being this stiff, boring, JERK

Sokka: i had to smile and nod the whole time

Sokka: no way will this keep up if we live together

Sokka: but i have to think of the commute…..

Sokka: and the view….

Sokka: and i’ll be closer to suki….

Katara: But Sokka, you will try, right?

Sokka: try what

Katara: To be nice to him.

Sokka: uh

Sokka: maybe?

By the end of the next week, Sokka had moved in the last of his boxes. He honestly didn’t have that much stuff. He did have one special thing, though. Or rather, a special friend.

“What are you doing?” Zuko asked, peeking into Sokka’s new room.

Swallowing his annoyance at being interrupted, Sokka gestured for Zuko to join him. They’d only exchanged at most a few sentences a day, and Zuko hadn’t done anything too irritating yet, so Sokka was going to try to keep his promise to Katara.

“This is my turtle, Duck,” he said, pointing to the turtle swimming around in the tank he’d just finished setting back up.

“What’s a turtleduck?” asked Zuko after plopping down beside him.

Sokka frowned. “I don’t know.”

“Then why do you have one?”

Before Sokka could answer, his phone rung from the dresser, its vibration so strong the whole room shook and Duck popped into his shell.

[infinitesundrop]

Read Chapter 2:  Perks of Being a Civilian on AO3 | FFN

Banner Credit to the Amazing @the-dream-team​​

Fic Summary:  They say time heals. It’s been nine months since Lily lost her mother and sister, but she still feels their absence every day. The only thing getting her through these difficult times has been the masked hero, Spider-Man. With the attacks on the city getting worse each day, and with the growing animosity towards London’s only hope, Lily has no choice but to act. After all, we all have powers of one kind or another, in our own way. (Spider-Man AU) 

Chapter Summary:  No one ever said doing the right thing was easy.

Rating: T

Fic Warnings: Grief/Mourning/Survivor’s Guilt, Violence, Referenced Character Death (minor character) | Chapter Exclusive Warnings:  Street Harassment, Mass Panic, Gun Violence (lasers), Destruction of Property (building collapse),Violence (hand-to-hand combat), Mentions of Explosives, Premature Acceptance of Death, Car Accident, Self Endangerment

Read from the Beginning on AO3 | FFN

When she finally tore her eyes off the skyline, she found that Spider-Man was staring over at her again. She ducked her head to hide her blush behind the curtain of her hair. “What?” she mumbled. 

“Nothing,” he replied, shrugging slowly. “It’s only...what’s your name?”

Her name. Spider-Man wanted to know her name? “Lily,” she said, turning back to face the hero directly and sitting cross-legged with her back resting against the stone railing. Lily tilted her head up to see him, a shy sort of smile on her lips. “My name is Lily Evans.”

“Lily Evans,” Spider-Man repeated, and she had to admit she quite liked how it sounded coming from him. Lily heard him suck in a breath. “You know, Lily, what you did today...it wasn’t smart.”

Clutching her house keys in her hand, the metal bits poking out from in between her fingers, Lily kept her head down as she made her way into the dimly lit London streets. As young as five years old, Lily had been taught never to walk the streets alone, especially at night. Now, with all the attacks on the city, Lily couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing. 

If something happened, her father would have no idea where she was. To be completely truthful with herself, Lily wasn’t exactly sure where she was headed either.

The road and sidewalks glistened with the fresh coating of rain from the afternoon, but in the night, the air felt biting and cold. A scuffle behind Lily made her jump, but it was merely her neighbor taking out the trash. 

Granted, it wasn’t like Snape was the most savory figure either. They had been something close to friends as kids, having grown up next door to each other. When they hit secondary school, something had changed him. Whether it was his mother’s death or something else, he had gotten into some really shady stuff. One day, she remembered him walking into chemistry and laughing about all the various dark uses the chemicals had if mixed a certain way. 

Ever since then, Lily had made a point to stay very far away from the man. 

Feeling his sullen eyes on her, she swallowed back the lump in her throat and nodded in his direction, wanting to make it perfectly clear that she saw him.

Of course, he seemed to take that as an invitation to come talk to her. Lily was really not in the mood. Seeing him almost sent her straight back into the house, but there were more important things she needed to do tonight than sit at home because of Snape. 

The sooner she returned home and saved her father from the worry he was undoubtedly experiencing, the better. 

Picking up her pace would surely send him away, right? 

Wrong. The greasy man had quickly caught up to her, reaching out his hand to grab her elbow. As his fingers brushed against Lily’s jacket, she ripped her arm forward and swung around, fist balled in the air. “Don’t ever do that.”

Whatever Snape was expecting, that was not it. He stood there, his mouth opening and closing as if he were a fish out of water. As Lily turned to run off, he cried out, “W-wait, Lily! You looked...lost!” 

“Not lost,” she hissed, clutching her keys tighter, backing up away from him, but not daring to turn her back yet. “Don’t touch me. Don’t follow me.” 

“It’s just,” he continued as if Lily hadn’t already made it extremely clear she wanted to be left alone, “It’s dangerous at night. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

Narrowing her eyes, Lily pulled up her polaroid, snapping a photo. The flash lit up the whole block. It was only the two of them out right now. “Okay, well, you lay another finger on me, this will be your wanted photo. Leave me alone.” 

Snape said something, but Lily didn’t catch it as she darted in the opposite direction. She didn’t think about where she was going; she just needed to get away. 

Maybe she shouldn’t have come out here tonight. 

Lily sucked in a shuddery breath as she reached a crosswalk a far enough distance away. Puffs of condensation filled the air as she took a moment to breathe while the cars drove through the intersection. 

As much as she wanted to help Spider-Man, she had to admit her plan was a long shot. She wasn’t even sure if the hero would trust her enough to talk with all that was going on.

Lily pushed those thoughts from her mind, turning to the present. 

She was already several blocks away from home, and even if she wanted to turn around, the idea of running into Snape again turned her blood cold. No. She had to see this through. 

Taking stock of her surroundings, Lily realized she was no longer in the more residential districts. Passing a few shops that had closed up for the night, Lily wondered if maybe she was being reckless. She had no idea where she was going. While this part of town was familiar, Spider-Man had been spotted all over London. 

Who was to say that she would actually find him? London was a massive city, and it was just as likely that Lily would end up somewhere unknown and in danger without anyone by her side, let alone a masked hero.

Where was she going? 

She was torn from her thoughts by a loud bang, and Lily whipped around, nearly slipping off the thin piece of sidewalk she was on in between the two sides of the street, to see a gaggle of 30-somethings stumble out of the pub door that had been flung open. Starting to stagger down the street, the group roared with laughter. She placed her hand over her heart to soothe its hammering. 

It took a moment for Lily’s breathing to calm down before she turned to continue walking. Her nerves were already frayed from that encounter with Snape. 

Feeling herself become more grounded within her body, Lily reminded herself that she was on a mission. No backing down. Where would Spider-Man be? 

She had to think about this logically. Spider-Man usually showed up around heavily crowded areas. The Bridge, Gringotts, the attack last month by the zoo... they were all bustling areas. That made sense, he wanted to protect the most people possible. Perhaps it would be a quiet night, and Spider-Man would only have to watch over the city. If they were lucky, he could stick to the skies without having to fight a second time today. 

She’d heard people talk about that in classes. Some claimed that there were sightings of him on the rooftops even when the city was calm. She’d even heard some of them insisting that Spider-Man lived on the rooftops of London.

Glancing over to make sure the intersection was clear, she hurried the rest of the way across. Halfway through the crosswalk, she was hit with the realization that she was already taking her usual route to school without a second thought. Why hadn’t it occurred to her to go this way before? 

Lily supposed when she first left the house, she was too worked up about the whole Spider-Man thing to do much thinking at all. For the first time since April, she'd fought with her father. And how had she handled it? She stormed out on him. 

He barely let her go out for a drink at the pub with some friends after dark anymore, let alone go off wandering by herself. Not since her mother and sister...

Still, it wasn’t like she was going to any unknown parts of the city. Lily was only headed to school. 

It was nighttime, though. While students did stay late to work on classwork, there wasn't usually much danger there. The worst thing that happened was students getting too drunk at the pub or arguing in the dorms.

Perhaps going to school wasn’t the best idea, but staying at least on the walking part of her commute provided her with the familiarity she needed to keep her from turning back and heading home. Once underground, she’d decide her final destination. 

A familiar bright blue and red light signaled her tube station, and Lily continued on her daily commute. She descended to the Underground, scanned her Oyster card, walked down to the platform, and stood with her camera held close to her chest to await her train. 

Time passed slowly and all too fast at the same time. What she was about to do was senseless, and once she boarded, it would be much harder to turn back. Lily recognized this but was still worthwhile to her. 

Boarding the first car that arrived, she took a seat across from a sleeping man with facial hair. It was only Lily and the dosing passenger in their section. Normally, with so few people on the train, she’d take a seat somewhere farther away, but it was oddly comforting to be near someone else right now. 

She felt bad for him.  He looked exhausted, like he had come straight off a long shift. Based on his uniform, he was a subway operator. Squinting, she thought she could make out the name ‘Stan’ on his nametag. 

Above the entrance, the little timer ticked down until the doors closed. What stop was he waiting for? Lily held onto the upper railing in case the train started moving, stepping forward towards the tired subway worker. She shifted her hands to brace against the seat beside Stan and leaned down to shake the worker gently. “What’s your stop?” she asked. 

Stan barely responded, peeking one eye open lazily and muttering, “Piccadilly Circus”. 

Of course. One of the most populated places this late would be the middle of the West End. It was always lined with tourists and locals alike. 

She nodded her head, looking up at the map to see where she wanted to get off on the line. “That’s where I’m going too,” she decided aloud. “I’ll wake you when we’re there, yeah?” 

Stan let out a little ‘hmmph’ in response, shifting his body so his face was squished against the subway seats with his back turned to Lily. The pleasant robotic voice announced the doors were closing, and Lily made it back to her seat right in time. The train lurched forward again mere moments later. 

Studying the map above the man’s head, Lily saw she only had two stops until her own. Soon enough, the announcements declared that they had arrived, the doors gliding open. Lily stood, stepping closer to Stan and giving his shoulder another gentle shake. 

In return, he grumbled something she couldn’t quite make out then turned in his chair again. It looked like there was no rousing him. Although she wanted to help, the overhead voice called for doors closing. She didn’t want to miss her stop, so she ran off the train quickly. The doors slid shut behind her with an audible click. 

Once out of the car, Lily was immediately struck by how empty and quiet the place was. Usually, on a Friday night in London, people crammed onto the platforms, fighting for a place on the next train. Tonight, it was eerily quiet. The only person she saw was a janitor humming to himself as he swept. 

She climbed the first set of stairs quickly. If anything, the theatres should be getting out soon, and the Circus would be filled with people going home via the Tube. 

When Lily had left home, she had been sure she’d heard the weatherman call for clear skies the rest of the night. As usual, he must have been wrong, because the thunder from above the station was almost deafening the closer to the ground floor she got.

Lily climbed another set of stairs, the roar almost deafening at this point. Reaching the top of another flight of stairs, she thought she saw shadows growing larger and larger on the tiled wall towards the exit. Lily had to blink a few times to make sure she was seeing correctly. The pit of her stomach dropped with the realization that she was right. 

And it wasn’t thunder.

She had been hearing a stampede of footsteps, and they were coming her way.

Turning a corner into a long hallway, all Lily saw was a horde of people flooding in, barreling towards her as if they didn’t even see her coming. The crowd ran straight into her. 

Lily gasped as people shoved her aside, trampling on her feet and knocking her against the tile. Her camera crunched loudly with the impact. She braced herself for the rest of the onslaught, making herself as small as possible against the wall. 

Screams of terror echoed along the tunnels. Well, at least she’d been right about where to find Spider-Man. 

Hopefully, she was.  

Filled with purpose again, Lily pushed against the crowd, trying to wedge her way through. She had to find Spider-Man. She had to. This was what she’d come out here for, after all. Camera or not, she had to warn him about the police and the press. 

A pair of hands wrapped around one of her wrists in a vice-like grip. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the woman demanded as Lily tried to shake her off. The woman yanked back in return, Lily’s feet sliding along the floor towards her. “Lily!”

Hearing her name, Lily’s head snapped up. A familiar face stood in front of her, trying to tug her back towards the Tube. “Hestia, no, I can’t!” 

“What’re you on about?” Hestia’s dark eyebrows furrowed together for a split second before she shook her head. It was as if she already decided that trying to sort out whatever Lily wanted to stick around for was not important. “Lily,” she pleaded desperately. “You have to come with me! Now! You can’t go up there!”

Lily had never seen her friend this way, so frantic and terrified. Hestia Jones was not the sort of person to scare easily‒or at all‒in the time Lily had known her. Whatever waited up there must have been dangerous. 

If she turned back now, it would save her father and her friends the heartache and the fear of not knowing if she was all right. Looking into Hestia’s eyes, she almost did turn back. 

But she couldn’t. Not with everything at stake. If they took down Spider-Man, who would be here to save all these people? Even if it meant sacrificing her own life, Lily would do everything in her power to help Spider-Man protect the city.

It was the right thing to do. 

Everything happened so fast. One moment she was resisting Hestia’s pull, the next the two of them were running along with the chaos. Hestia had loosened her grip on Lily’s wrist, so Lily took the opportunity to slide her hand into Hestia’s instead, giving her friend’s hand a tight squeeze. 

The gesture seemed to have alleviated Hestia’s worries as her friend breathed out in relief. It made what Lily had to do next so much worse.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, quickly dropping her hand and disappearing into the crowd. 

When Lily turned back, her friend was being pulled along by the undertow of the crowd, her arm outstretched for Lily to grasp like a life preserver. Hestia looked distraught, and Lily was certain if she were any closer she’d see tears on her face. 

This had better work. 

-

James webbed from building to building, quickly weaving his way towards the scream. It wasn’t long before he found its inspiration: two masked terrorizers perched on the base of the statue in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. 

He felt a sense of familiarity as he stared at the two. It was a man and a woman, but they looked so similar. They were both childlike in stature, but their shoulders sloped inwards, making them appear hunched over. Their faces were partially covered by masks, but the features that showed through were familiar. 

He’d seen them before. He just didn’t remember where exactly. 

The man had a lopsided sort of leer, and through the holes on the skull mask he was wearing, James spotted beady little eyes. The woman had less distinctive features, but like her counterpart, her skin was pallid, and she bore the same wicked expression as her counterpart.

A building on the other side of the road exploded James he landed atop the flashing billboards in the junction. The rubble scattered across the road, joining the rest of the debris the two had created. Screams echoed through the streets, people in the traffic circle abandoning the cars and buses in favor of an escape through the Tube as the two culprits cackled, taking great pleasure in the mayhem they were causing. 

The woman’s wheezy giggle was what made James realize who they were, the noise bringing him back to all the times he’d heard it previously. They called themselves the Carrows: a brother and sister team. They didn’t look dangerous at first glance. 

They had been there, though. At the Millenium Bridge collapse. They had been the ones who took down the rest of the bridge with the same weapons they were using now. 

Both brother and sister were equipped with some kind of laser, allowing them to bring any structure to the ground with a simple push of a button. The sister, Alecto, shot a theatre close to the Circus, the building wobbling more and more until it crumbled to the ground.

It appeared as if they were searching for something as they decimated each structure, but what, James wasn’t exactly sure. The buildings all around the junction had evacuated; he’d watched them flee via the Tube with the rest of the civilians from the traffic circle, so he didn’t have to worry about saving people from the collapsing buildings. 

All James knew was that he needed to stop the Carrows before they moved on, before they found a building full of people to destroy somewhere else.

But, how? 

He did wonder if they had any real power without their laser guns. The easiest way to test it would be to simply grab one. It seemed too easy, but sometimes, the easiest strategy was the one overlooked. 

So, he did it. 

Turning his wrist, James aimed his web-shooter at one of the Carrow’s laser guns. Silky webbing shot out, traveling at lightning speed from James and attaching to the side of one of the guns. He grinned widely under the mask, grabbing hold of the web with his other hand. 

He reached to grab the webbing with his other hand and pull, but a sharp tug from the other end of the web made him stumble on the precarious ledge. Another tug sent him flying to the ground. 

James grimaced, shooting his webbing towards the building he had been standing on only moments ago. Suddenly, the building began to crumble around him, chunks of concrete and shards of glass raining onto him as he webbed onto a double-decker bus abandoned in the road. 

So sometimes the easiest option didn’t work out. 

“Good to see you two again,” he said conversationally as he jumped off the top of the bus. Their guns pointed straight at him. “Haven’t seen you two out much lately. I was afraid maybe you got busted.”

That earned him a green beam shot right at him. He probably deserved that after such a terrible joke, honestly. Still, James ducked, sliding out of the way with ease. 

“Is that the best you’ve got?” he asked. He needed to find another way to take their guns from them, but at least the Circus was empty. It gave him time. Usually, he’d have to finish things as quickly as possible so that no one died. The lack of innocent civilians to worry about afforded James more time to be thorough. Tonight, the Carrows would be caught. 

Still, it was two against one, and he had to keep moving to dodge the onslaught of laser beams coming his way. Usually, his best course of action was to web onto a building, but that wouldn’t be such a good idea when they had the ability to destroy whatever structure he was webbed onto. 

As he passed by the Tube station, another beam shot right past him, hitting one of the walls. Too busy trying to come up with a plan, James didn’t even notice the civilian who ran out of the station’s entrance as it crumbled. Instead, he just looked at the Carrows, a smug smirk on his face as he said, “You guys really can’t hit anything that’s not stationary, can you?”

They had their guns pointed right at him, and James knew it was the perfect time to web onto the guns. They were too distracted by the idea of taking him down, both wearing wide grins under their masks. 

This was it. This was his chance. All he needed to do was web both the guns and get out of the way without any of the lasers hitting him. 

“Say goodbye!” Alecto cackled, but before she could shoot, a small chunk of concrete landed by James’ feet. 

“No!” James heard someone cry, another piece of concrete hurled into the middle of the Circus. “Don’t hurt him!”

James glanced around to see who was senseless enough to be out here at a time like this. Why hadn’t they run screaming like everyone else? 

And then, he saw her.

Lily. 

As his heart leapt into his throat, body freezing mid-fight, his only thought was: Not her. Anyone but her. 

He stood, frozen, as Lily ran closer, the obviously broken camera around her neck swinging wildly with her movement. Luckily, it seemed as if she’d also distracted the Carrows with the disruption. 

At least, James had thought so until he realized that one of the laser guns was pointed at him and the other at Lily.

“Now!” He heard Alecto cry, and the lasers came shooting towards them. 

Knowing he didn’t have much time, James webbed onto Lily and tugged to bring her to his side. He heard her frightened gasp but didn’t have time to reassure her. All he could do was hold onto her and dive out of the way as the building that had been behind them crumbled down. 

James grimaced as the two of them roughly slid to the ground. He scrambled up, yanking Lily up with him. In any normal circumstance, James would never manhandle anyone, let alone Lily, the way he was right now. But this wasn’t a normal circumstance. 

 He needed to find her a way out of here. It wasn’t as if he could leave the Carrows and take Lily to safety. As much as he'd like to, there were other things he had to worry about. 

Namely, the fact that the Carrows were shooting at them again. 

Without thinking, he tugged Lily across the circle with him, ducking between two piles of rubble. They didn’t get very far before having to dodge the laser beams shooting at them. There was no way they’d be able to cross the junction without stopping to duck for cover every few paces, but their options were slim at the moment.

When he heard the sounds of the guns stop for the moment, he pulled her along, running again to find cover under another pile of debris. While it was safe for the moment, they had to get moving again soon. If they stuck around, the two masked villains would find them again. 

He refused to let them be caught and cornered, not with Lily beside him.

She couldn’t be here. Keeping her by his side put a target on her back. As risky as it was to send her out there with all these toppling buildings, James wasn’t sure he had a choice. Yet, looking at the devastation around them, he knew he had to think of something to give her a fighting chance. 

Anything. 

Despite the fact that he knew he shouldn’t leave the Carrows alone in the Circus - after all, what if another unsuspecting citizen happened upon the scene in his absence? - Lily’s safety was taking precedence at the moment. 

“How’d you get here?” he asked suddenly as they dodged the lasers. If it was safe, he’d send her back the way she came. 

“I was in the Tube,” she said, panting as she tried to catch her breath while they ran through the junction. Well, that was unfortunate since the station’s entrance had been decimated into a pile of rubble. He’d have to think of some other way to get her out of here. For starters, they needed to get away from the Carrows.

“T-there was a stampede,” James heard her say, and it seemed like she was just rambling to keep from panicking. He only hoped she wasn’t too focused on her words to prevent herself from stumbling. “Everyone was running towards the train, but I-you needed help. You’re fighting for the city on your own. It looked like you were in danger, and I-” She was talking so quickly James wasn’t sure she’d have any air left in her lungs, and he’d never seen those green eyes as wide as they were in that moment. “I had to do something!”

James froze, staring at her momentarily. Had she really gone towards the danger when everyone else fled? It was dangerous to dwell on her blatant lack of respect for her own life right now. “I need to get you out of here somehow,” he muttered more to himself than to her as he looked around the junction.

She had to get out of here. The Carrows were going to destroy every building in range, and Lily couldn’t be there when they did. The Tube couldn’t be her escape route. There had to be another way out. 

That was when he noticed dim light coming from behind them, casting their shadows on the pavement in front of them. There was a car - an abandoned but still running car - behind them. 

A blast from a few feet away reminded him that the Carrows were still shooting at them, and Lily was looking rather worn from being dragged around Piccadilly Circus. Having her drive off in the car would be the easiest getaway, but with all the lasers shooting off at random, James thought better of it. If the Carrows hit that car with Lily in it, she’d be done for. 

He needed to find a way to make it safer for her. 

“Stay,” James commanded, leaving her behind a tall pile of crumbled concrete. She was huddled underneath the rubble, peeking out from behind as if keeping watch, but he saw her mutely nod her head. At the very least, he was certain that she wasn’t going to move from that spot, so he swung up onto a building, trailing along his webbing. 

“Aww, no more puns? What? Not as confrontational when your little girlfriend’s around?” Alecto cooed. 

Gritting his teeth, James tried to work faster, jumping around from building to ground to building and back, sticking his web to every surface he reached. Each time he landed, he glanced towards the wreckage where Lily was hiding. Thankfully, the two didn’t seem too interested in her. At least, not when they realized what James was up to. 

“A spider web,” Amycus said, looking at his sister with a raised eyebrow. “How quaint.” 

James heard Alecto’s wheezy giggle again before she cried, “Let’s see how well these webs work to protect your beloved from our lasers.”

Seeing their distraction as his opportunity to get Lily to safety, James dropped back down to the ground, racing back to Lily. They didn’t have much time. 

He grabbed her hand tightly, tugging her backwards to the awaiting car, her escape. “Get in. Drive away. Just...just stay in the car until you’re safe, okay?” He had to know she was going to be okay, that she’d be safe one way or another. Sure, this wasn’t how he wanted this to go, but this was the best option he had. 

He watched as she got into the driver’s seat, her hands shaking as she clutched the wheel. “But what about you? You can’t get hurt. We need you. London needs you.” The panic in her voice made James almost want to stay with her. He could climb into the car with her or, better yet, take her back home by webbing building to building. It would be so easy to leave with her and not deal with any of this right now. 

But as she said, London needed him. 

He just nodded his head to her. “I know. I’ll be all right. All in a day’s work of being Spider-Man, yeah?” He knew she was trying to hide it, but he saw the corners of her lips twitch up at that. “You need to go.”

When she gave him a shaky nod in return, James gave himself one final moment to look at her before turning on his heel and webbing back into the fight. 

“Miss me?” he called as he swung back. 

Upon seeing Amycus wound tightly in his barricade, much like a bug trapped in a real spider’s web, James broke out into a stupid grin. Maybe this wouldn’t be so difficult after all. 

Alecto’s eyes narrowed and she lined up her laser not at James, who was still behind the indestructible webbing, but at a building holding it up. It wobbled precariously, like the others had done earlier, and then crashed to the ground, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake. With it, fell a section of webbing. While it wasn’t enough to tear down the whole web, it was enough to surpass his barrier he’d set up. 

“Are you mad?!” Amycus cried from inside his web cocoon. “You’re going to crush-” Without concern for the rest of his sentence, or apparently the well-being of her brother, Alecto shot at the other building. As the building toppled, tearing the remainder of the web down with it, James knew it was time to move. 

He wanted this over with. The Carrows might’ve gotten away on the bridge, but he wouldn’t make that mistake again. 

One down. Amycus’s laser gun was laying on the ground, but it looked damaged. There was a flashing red light on the side, and a blue and green glow peeked through the cracks along the barrel of the gun. James didn’t want to risk picking it up only for it to backfire on him. Besides, James only played offense in football. He'd stick to the defensive; he preferred his webs anyway.

One more to go. 

Alecto Carrow seemed to be more competent than her counterpart given that she hadn’t gotten trapped in the web, and her actions were always a bit more calculated. Despite her intelligence, without her brother, the fight was now one-on-one, and James had the upper hand.

He landed in front of Alecto as she scurried back to her safety atop the base of the statue. It was a good vantage point for her since she’d be shooting down at him.  He still wasn’t quite sure how to take down Alecto, but if the web had taught him anything, they were easily distracted. 

Lily was tucked away in that cab and on her way to somewhere safe. Amycus was a bit preoccupied at the moment. A lazy smirk slid across his features, looking at the Carrow while stretching his arms behind his back languidly as if he were bored. 

“What did you call my web again?” he asked somewhat tauntingly. Until he figured out how to take her down physically, this was his best course of action. “Quaint, was it? Seems like a good place for your brother to hang out. Bit of a sticky situation, really. Care to join him?”

Alecto swiftly pointed her laser at James, firing without a moment’s hesitation. As he’d assumed, Alecto thought he wasn’t paying close enough attention. 

Except he was. 

James shot back, his webbing threading around the barrel of a gun. He grabbed onto the silky web with his other hand, tearing the gun out of Alecto’s hands. He heard her rabid shriek as she hurled herself at him, landing on his back with a violent thud. 

James tried to throw her off, but she clung to him desperately, kicking and screaming for her weapon. Right when he thought he’d lost her, she started digging her long, sharp nails into his shoulders as she clawed for her gun back.

He knew he had to get her off—the pain made sure of that much—but he needed to figure out what to do with this gun too. It wasn’t as if throwing it far enough away would actually help, even it was far enough to keep out of the Carrows’ clutches. Not if it gave anyone the power to decimate the entire city. The webbing blocked anything firing from it for now, but he knew the web weakened as its chemical composition deteriorated from the elements. Far faster than James liked to admit, it became no more than glorified silly string. 

He needed to act fast. 

With a fierce elbow to her gut, Alecto’s grip on James’s back weakened slightly. As he began to deliver the final blow, the circle was illuminated in a green-blue light, and a feverish laugh filled the streets. James’s blood turned cold.

Amycus had escaped. In his hands was the damaged laser gun, sparking and shooting in random directions. 

Alecto hopped off James’s back and ran towards her brother. Apparently, she had bigger fish to fry than fighting for her gun. With that weapon in both of their hands, ready to explode at any moment, they would be nearly unstoppable. 

Not on his watch. James whipped a web around Alecto’s ankle, gripping the web and yanking her into the air. With his other hand, he webbed her to a nearby billboard. There. Even if she did get free...good luck coming down from there. 

With Alecto taken care of, Amycus grew even more violent. He began firing his gun in every direction. Sometimes it went off and other times, nothing happened. The sparking was getting worse with every misfire. 

Luckily, it was compromised enough that none of the shots directed at James actually hit him. The shaking of the gun from the sparks made Amycus’s aim haphazard at best. Simply blocking the lasers from coming too close was working for now. 

That gun was going to be a problem. James wasn’t sure he was even equipped to deal with the aftermath if it did explode. 

Amycus’s aim was getting worse, barely able to hold onto the weapon anymore. Maybe this was James’s chance. The second Amycus let go of that weapon, he could get close enough to finally put an end to all this. 

Just as James thought this all would be over, Amycus had climbed back onto the statue, attempting to maneuver the gun to point in James’ direction, using the statue as a base to keep his grip on the device as it jerked about. His target line was so much better with the statue stabilizing the gun. 

 The Carrow was done playing bulldozer on the city. His target was set on Spider-Man.

James knew this wouldn’t be good. His options were: get shot, grab the gun and have it blow up, or, possibly, both. None of it sounded very promising. Sure, he’d been in scary situations in the past, but he’d never dealt with an unstable weapon with this kind of power in the hands of someone like Amycus. 

There was a real possibility that he’d die here. That fact hit him so hard that it was almost as if one of those buildings had crushed him. 

He could die right now. 

There were so many things he hadn’t done, things he hadn’t said. 

He had regrets, sure. He wished he’d stayed as close to Remus Lupin as they had been before he became Spider-Man, but he’d decided months ago to keep Remus out of this for his own protection. 

Now, he regretted not telling Sirius how much he appreciated all his help with this Spider-Man stuff, even if he hadn’t wanted Sirius to know at first either. James wished he’d told him how he was the best friend he could’ve ever asked for, the brother he’d always wanted. 

More than that, he wished he hadn’t fought with Lily at the Prophet. She didn’t know he’d seen her again tonight. Unless she found out he was Spider-Man, her last memory of him would be of their fight. He wished he’d told her how he felt. 

James swallowed thickly as his mind wandered to Aunt Minnie. More than anything, he wished he could give her a proper goodbye. He knew how devastated she’d been when James’ mum had died without saying goodbye. Minnie would be crushed again, and she’d be downright furious with him for being Spider-Man. 

But he couldn’t think about any of that right now. Not when Amycus Carrow was prepared to end this at any moment, his finger on the trigger.

Like Lily had said, London needed him. He needed to be there to save the people of the city. He needed to save London because that was where Remus Lupin lived. Where Sirius lived. Lily. Aunt Minnie. 

He had to save them. Even if saving them meant losing himself. 

Resigning himself to the fact that things were probably about to get very, very messy, he raised his hand, shaking slightly as he moved, to shoot at the gun before Amycus shot at him. 

Amycus’s eyes lit up with a devilish delight in what he was about to do. 

A screech from the distance caused both parties to pause for a moment. When James looked to where the noise was coming from, two bright lights from some sort of car blinded him. As he blinked away the lights, he’d seen enough to know what had happened. 

The taxi careened past him, slamming into the statue in the middle of the junction. The heavy bronze figure swayed for a moment before toppling to the ground with a deafening clash, its motion bringing Amycus down with it. 

The gun soared through the air, alight like a meteor. He hoped this worked. 

James used both web-shooters to catch the gun, twirling it with one web, and wrapping it like a bandage with the other. Fully covered now, James webbed it to hang from a pile of rubble well lit by the street lamps, somewhere the authorities would easily find it. 

He heard their sirens now, coming from a distance. Figured that as soon as things finished up, the cops arrived. 

Amycus was out. The statue must have knocked him unconscious. He might’ve checked to see if the Carrow was still breathing if it weren’t for his unexpected hero. As James approached the black taxi, his heart pounded in his chest. 

Lily. It had to be Lily. No one else disregarded their own safety enough to do something so stupidly brave except her. 

The car was crushed in at the front, the wheels bent at a strange angle and steam billowing out of the grill. He couldn’t see her through the windows since the whole cab was filled with the deployed airbags. 

Please be okay. 

When he looked inside, ripping off the door of the crushed cab, Lily was heaving, and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She had a bruise purpling along the side of her cheek but otherwise appeared okay. As he opened his mouth to ask if she was, Lily cut him off. 

“I-I stayed in the car,” she gasped, looking at him, her green eyes wide. 

James swallowed his initial response as she stumbled out of the destroyed taxi, and he reached out, grabbing her hands to steady her. “Be careful,” he murmured, worried her injuries might be worse than what was visibly apparent. He’d gotten too used to the luxury that was self-healing. Lily, on the other hand…

She looked relatively okay though. She wasn’t too pale - well, not any paler than she normally was - and she appeared to know what was going on at the very least. Still… “I think you should let me take you to the hospital.”

“Take me home,” she said, rubbing at the bruise on her cheek. It was swollen a bit, and she had this look of exhaustion on her face that made James’s stomach flip. Maybe she was more hurt than he thought. 

James shook his head slowly. If something happened to her, it’d be his fault.  “Err...No. I think you need to go, really,” he insisted. “You need to get checked out at the hospital.”

Lily scowled at the suggestion this time, and it was a welcome sight. That was the Lily he knew, the one that crashed cars into famous landmarks. “Look, Spider-Man. If you won’t take me home, I’ve already committed grand theft once today. I can do it again and get home by myself, but I’m bruised and tired and I really don’t care to deal with the traffic this fight has no doubt caused. So, I’ll ask you again. Take me home.”

“That wasn’t a question - more of an order, really. You sure you didn’t hit your head too hard?” She was fine; that, he was sure of now. She was talking normally, didn’t seem too confused about where she was or what she was doing, and though her walk hadn’t been all that steady when getting out of the car, he knew she’d been shaken up. She seemed stable now. 

Besides, she’d told him off, so that was an encouraging sign. 

James watched with a bemused smirk as Lily narrowed her eyes and then swished around, apparently giving up on travel by web. Her walk was definitely more steady again, which, James supposed, was good. Still, he couldn’t let her drive home. Not when she’d already been through so much that night. Not with that big bruise forming on her cheek. Not with her complete disrespect for her own safety.

Lily had already spotted another taxi and was marching towards it purposefully. James, not wanting her to go off by herself and get in more trouble tonight, ran to catch up with her, leaning on her cab of choice when they got close enough. “So, tell me,” he said conversationally, “do you commit grand theft often? Should I be worried about you?”

That broke through her wall she was building up. He wished he could say the way her eyes lit up, her nose wrinkling slightly at his words, didn’t make him feel anything, but he’d felt this way since he first met her. It didn’t seem like the sort of thing that’d change anytime soon.

“Oh, be very worried,” she teased, leaning against the taxi as well. “Planning to be an accessory to my crimes, Spider-Man?” 

“Sorry,” he sighed, crossing his arms as he smirked underneath his mask. He knew they needed to get out of there soon since the sirens from earlier sounded far too close for comfort, but he was having too much fun teasing Lily. “No can do. That sort of thing is bad for my image.”

“Ah, yes. Your image, which as we all know is already so good.” Lily let out a soft little laugh, more of a breath than anything, and looked down at the ground. Her smile faded rather quickly, and he knew she was thinking about the paper. As she pushed off the car and examined the wreckage they’d left behind—piles of rubble in and around the streets, the statue toppled, a destroyed cab—her eyebrows knitted together in worry. 

It probably wasn’t the best thing to mention his image to her. She’d want to go and fix it, and he’d seen how reckless she could be. Reckless enough to save his life. 

And she didn’t even know she knew him. He was glad that in all the chaos, he’d remembered to lower his voice a bit so it wasn’t as easily recognizable for Lily.. If she had known, James knew she’d want to help more. He could only save her from herself so many times.

Thinking back on the events of the day and watching her with that worried look on her face, he wanted to reach out and tell her it’d be okay. They were just buildings. Sure, his reputation might suffer, but he didn’t care about that. No one had died today, and that was the biggest relief, especially with Lily being involved. He didn’t even want to think about something happening to her on his watch. Of all people, hadn’t she suffered enough from his failures as Spider-Man?

He’d wanted to tell her he was sorry for all that had happened tonight. He wanted to apologize for what had happened at work too, despite the mask. He wanted to plead for her to put herself first for once, to stop being so reckless, but the authorities were rounding the corner now, red and blue lights flashing against the facades of the remaining buildings.

James took a deep breath instead. They had to get out of here. “Let’s go,” he said suddenly, offering her a hand. 

Lily looked down at it as if it were a foreign concept to her. “What?” 

“I’ll take you home,” he said, trying not to sound too impatient, but he needed to dodge the cops. She knew that. He took her moment of hesitation to shoot a web at an intact building, getting ready to leave whenever she was ready. “You’re far too reckless to get home safely by yourself.”

“Right.” She looked nervously over her shoulder before taking his hand. “What if I slow you down, though?” 

As she said this, the tires of the police cars and ambulances squealed as they screeched to a stop. Behind them, a few dozen media vans, including Daily Prophet 24/7 coverage. Their time for questions was over. 

Reporters scrambled out of their vehicles. They had to leave, now, while James still had a clear view of his escape route. He wrapped his arms around Lily, tucking her in close to his side. “Hold onto me,” he murmured, kicking off the ground and swinging onto the top of the building his web was on. 

As they flew through the air, the flashes of reporters’ cameras filled his vision. Looked like the Prophet got their picture after all. 

-

The city was absolutely breathtaking at nighttime. From within the dark, the soft glow of the streetlamps and the lights inside the different apartments was a warm and welcome sight. At a distance, they almost looked like fireflies. 

High above the ground, the people and the cars all looked so small. It was as if all the problems of the world were the same size. Up there, it felt like you were untouchable, undefeatable.

Of course, Lily didn’t know this because her face was smushed against Spider-Man’s chest as they fled the scene. She felt the wind whipping around them, stray pieces of hair tickling her cheeks, but she was not going to look around. Her arms wrapped around his torso tightly, and her fingers clung around the fabric of his suit as if it was the only thing able to save her if she fell. 

Most certainly not the webs the superhero was soaring through the sky with. 

From above her, she thought she heard Spider-Man chuckle. Lily furrowed her brows but figured she must be hearing things. What was so funny at a time like this? 

Then she felt his laugh, his chest shaking with every little chortle. Terrified to look down, Lily moved her head up the slightest bit to peek at the man above her. 

Problem was, it was really hard to read his facial expression with the mask situation. From the way his head was angled, it looked like he was laughing at her, watching her. “What’s so funny?” she asked, burrowing her face back into his side. 

“Oh, nothing,” he murmured back to her, the two of them dipping down as he webbed onto another building. “I just think it’s funny that you were so...so reckless and brave earlier with everything you did, but you’re frightened of heights. You can run into a stampede. You can crash a car into a statue-a national landmark, mind you. But heights, that’s what does you in.” There was a beat as he thought this over before Lily heard his laugh again. “Honestly, this is probably the safest thing you’ve done tonight.”

But it didn’t feel like the safest thing, not to Lily. She felt like she was moving through the city at a very fast pace, very high off the ground while being held up by a couple of little strings. That felt like a very unsafe thing to do. She was sure her father would agree, but he wouldn’t have approved of anything she’d done tonight. 

Besides, he’d done this tons of times. At this point, it must’ve been as natural as breathing for him. “I’d bet you were scared the first time you did this,” she replied somewhat bitterly. 

“Sure,” Spider-Man said in return. “I couldn’t close my eyes though. Something tells me that wouldn’t have worked out for me too well.”

A smile tugged at Lily’s lips, but she didn’t dare look up. “Perks of being a civilian, yeah?” 

“I suppose,” he sighed, and Lily felt him hold her a little closer. She tried to ignore the blush creeping up her neck when, suddenly, he jerked to a stop. She opened her eyes to see what had happened only to find they were hanging on the side of Big Ben. Lily gasped, tightening her grip on his suit for dear life. 

“Spider-Man,” she cried, her eyes trailing down the clock tower to the streets below of their own volition. The buses and cars directly below them looked so minuscule. She felt like she was going to be sick, her skin turning clammy and her stomach churning at the sight. Her heart was beating so hard against her chest she was positive Spider-Man felt it. 

“Relax,” he insisted, shifting to place her feet on a close-by ledge. “Li-Let’s breathe, okay?” He tugged her closer, shuffling so she was closer against the tower and more securely on the ledge. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” 

Lily did as he said, breathing in, but it came in as a shudder. Spider-Man nodded encouragingly and she thought she heard him say something like, “good, keep going,” but she wasn’t really paying attention to his words. He was holding onto her with one arm wrapped around her in something of a hug, and Lily was very aware of his hand on her back. His other hand was gripping onto his suspended web, only his toes touching the ledge she stood upon. 

She tightened her hold on him, not able to think clearly when she was terrified that now he would fall. It didn’t seem to phase him in the slightest, his head tilted upwards into the open air, looking at something high above them. 

Her breath must have evened out with her distraction because Spider-Man looked to her suddenly and nodded his head in approval. “Good. See, you’re alright.” Lily only nodded slowly. “Hey, I don’t want you to be scared, but I think you’d think the city is really pretty right now. Can I take you up a little higher-” 

“Are you joking?” Lily snapped, looking at Spider-Man with disdain. “I’m terrified, and you want to go up higher?”

 He seemed amused by her outburst. “Are you done?” Lily opened her mouth to speak again, but he cut her off. “As I was saying, can I take you up a little higher where there’s a railing and a real floor? You can calm down before I take you home. Does that sound okay?” 

That didn’t sound too bad, Lily had to admit. When she nodded her agreement, Spider-Man scooped her up and began scaling the side of the building. From over his shoulder, she saw tourists pointing them out amongst themselves from the London Eye. 

As far up as they were when he first took her to the tower, Lily didn’t realize how much farther up there was to go until she was carried up to the top. The white light from the clock cast their shadows on the city below. 

Soon, they reached a railing, and Spider-Man pulled them over it. Finally on solid ground, Lily let out a deep breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. 

“Better now?” he asked, and she nodded quickly. She’d never been so happy to have her feet on the floor, even if the floor was much higher up than she preferred. As she glanced out over the city, she had to admit that it was rather pretty. The river Thames looked like glass from so far up, its surface calm and dark other than reflections from the surrounding lights and the moon in the distance. Across from them, the London Eye ticked along at a slow, leisurely pace. 

“Yeah,” she breathed, unable to take her eyes off the city. It seemed so strange that the city felt so calm and quiet in one place, and yet, in another, it was filled with destruction. 

When she finally tore her eyes off the skyline, she found that Spider-Man was staring over at her again. She ducked her head to hide her blush behind the curtain of her hair. “What?” she mumbled. 

“Nothing,” he replied, shrugging slowly. “It’s only...what’s your name?”

Her name. Spider-Man wanted to know her name? “Lily,” she said, turning back to face the hero directly and sitting cross-legged with her back resting against the stone railing. Lily tilted her head up to see him, a shy sort of smile on her lips. “My name is Lily Evans.”

“Lily Evans,” Spider-Man repeated, and she had to admit she quite liked how it sounded coming from him. Lily heard him suck in a breath. “You know, Lily, what you did today...it wasn’t smart.”

Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. Did Spider-Man call her dumb? Even though she had just sat down, she scrambled back to her feet so she was on his level, looking into his eyes-well, eye markings. “What I did today was I saved your life.”

“And you could’ve lost yours,” he shot back, crossing his arms against his chest. 

“So could you!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms out. “You know what you do for a living right? You’re at least a little self-aware? Spider-Man, your job is putting your life at risk. I don’t think you’re in a place to lecture me about safety.” 

She crossed her arms too, looking him over. He was tall, but his voice sounded young. While it was hard to tell if he was younger or older than her, he seemed like he was at least around her age range. What was a university-age kid doing sacrificing his life for the city? Lily’d had enough lectures this evening for the both of them. If he wanted to lecture her, fine. Two could play that game.

Spider-Man began shaking his head. “You don’t get it. I didn’t choose this. This was put on me, and like you said, London needs me. But you...you need to stay safe. Surely you have people that worry about you. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for them.”

Guilt washed over her like a tidal wave. Her father would be so furious when she got home. Surely by now, the news had aired. She knew the reporters had gotten a photo of her. She didn’t know if her face was visible, but with her luck, everyone would know she had met Spider-Man by tomorrow morning. 

But Spider-Man was wrong. No matter what her father said, Spider-Man saved people. And no matter how angry her dad was, Lily knew she did the right thing. She set out to help Spider-Man and she did. 

He was alive because of her. He’d go home to the people who cared about him tonight because of her. 

For all she knew, the whole city was alive because of her. What would have happened if the two masked villains had gotten away? What if that sparking laser gun had exploded like it looked like it was going to? 

Because Lily risked her life, so many more were safe. She refused to apologize for that, no matter what anyone else said. Even if that person was Spider-Man. 

Besides, she was fine. 

He did raise a good point, though. Her father was probably worried sick waiting for her to come home. 

Lily felt Spider-Man’s gaze through his mask, and she was vaguely reminded of an ant under a microscope. He must have been waiting for her to respond, but she was so caught up in her thoughts she hadn’t noticed. 

What did she even say to that? Did Spider-Man not want to be Spider-Man? If she could, Lily would trade places with him, take the weight off his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” Lily murmured, taking advantage of the fact that Spider-Man probably thought she was talking about risking her life. She wasn’t, but at least her words placated him. She wasn’t sorry for what she did. 

She was sorry that he had to carry this burden for the city, sorry he had to be responsible for keeping people who didn’t appreciate him safe. 

“It’s fine,” he mumbled in return, and Lily watched as he paced for a moment before he stared back at her. “Look, it’s not… I’m grateful that you saved my life and all.”

“Then-” Lily started, but Spider-Man cut her off, looking down at her in a way that she practically felt the intensity through the air. 

“But I don’t want you to go risking yours for something like that again.”

Lily nodded slowly in return, even if she didn’t mean it. Something like that. They weren’t talking about saving a couple of buildings or a famous landmark. She’d saved his life. It was worth the risk. If she had to do it again, she would. But Spider-Man needn’t know that. 

“Anyway,” she heard him sigh as he stepped closer to the ledge again. “I’d better get you home. Where might that be, Lily?”

She knew she needed to get home before her father went out and started looking for her himself. She’d be surprised if he hadn’t already. Lily murmured her address, joining him at the edge and grabbing his outstretched hand. 

This time, she didn’t close her eyes. Whether she had grown used to the sensation or if she’d grown numb, Lily wasn’t sure. Granted, she was keeping her eyes on what was in front of her, deliberately ignoring the ground below them. 

Instead, she watched as Spider-Man webbed from building to building. Every time a bit of web was released, he pressed this mechanism built into his suit. As she first noticed it, she had to blink a few times to be sure of what she was seeing. 

All this time, Lily had thought Spider-Man had special supernatural abilities, and the webs were only one of them. Although she didn’t understand how Spider-Man would be able to shoot webs from his skin, she’d just assumed he was some type of mutant. 

But those web-shooters were man-made. He must have engineered them somehow. Or maybe he’d commissioned someone to or something. Either way, they looked complicated. 

Spider-Man must have been really intelligent to figure something like that out, but engineered web-shooters meant he was really just a regular guy. 

She did wonder who was truly behind the mask. Not because of any desire to expose his identity to the world, and certainly not to turn him over to the cops. No, Lily was simply fascinated by the mystery. 

Plus, it didn’t hurt that this man had sort of saved her life tonight too. 

She had so many questions for him, but she was afraid that if she asked, he wouldn’t tell her. Or worse, he’d get upset and think she was trying to discover who he was. So instead, Lily kept quiet the entire way home, watching Spider-Man use his web-shooters. 

How did they work? What substance inside that tiny mechanism created those near-indestructible webs? They were strong enough to resist lasers. They pulled both his and her body weight through the sky. Forget their weight, that day at the bridge, Lily watched on the telly as Spider-Man stopped a bus from falling into the river. 

And it all started with those little web-shooters.

Far too interested in the web-shooters, she hadn’t realized that Spider-Man had gotten her back home until her feet were placed firmly on the ground. She glanced around, realizing that most of the lights in the building were dark now as people had gone to sleep for the night. Her own home was still lit brightly, and she was sure her father was waiting for her. 

Lily turned around to thank Spider-Man for bringing her home, but by the time she did so, he’d already disappeared into the darkness. 

She sucked in a deep breath, reaching out for the front door’s handle and turning it until she heard the click. “Dad?” she called, stepping inside. “I’m home…”

[infinites-chaser]

Librarian! PH. 52 MLQC MC / Victor :)

HELLO ANON U WERE ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE TO RESPOND TO MY LIBRARIAN ASK GAME I’M SO SORRY IT’S TAKEN SO LONG,,, victor is just. hard to write. aLSO I'm doubly sorry since i’ll be combining this with the Victor ask from @truth-be-told-im-lying ​ hope neither of you mind T-T i don’t think my mind could do two victor ficlets akwlfjsdkls

ANyway I love you both LOTS AND LOTS hopefully this attempt at Victor isn’t extremely out of character;;; it’s a lowkey soulmates AU if that counts for anything :> aND this fic gets the special treatment of an actual Title bc True was wonderful enough to help me by typing Victor as an Enneagram Type One

okaaay and without further ado, 

49, 52 + Victor/MC

‘[He] wakes up in [his] bed, determined to begin again.’- These Ghosts Are Family, Maisy Card. (pg. 49)

‘As [he] pushes through the onlookers to meet [her], he is certain he is the only person moving.’- These Ghosts Are Family, Maisy Card. (pg. 52)

((pronoun changes in both quotes to better fit the ficlet))

spoilers for Victor/MC’s childhood!

spend my whole life searching

Victor doesn’t believe in soulmates. (After half a lifetime of searching turning up nothing, he doesn’t believe in much.)

Once upon a time, he might’ve. (He wanted to). His heart rate doubled and sped up to match hers— a carefree little girl skipping across the road, too far away to hear his nerves cry danger, too caught up in dreams and fantasies to hear his warning shout. Time slowed down so he could save her, and on that afternoon on the crosswalk, drops of rain suspended in the air, he did.

At that age, he hadn’t had the sense to wonder why a young girl like her had been crossing the street without supervision. Why her smiles had come freely, but had always looked a little sad, a little wistful. Why she’d been so eager to accept his baked treats. Why she’d been at the playground without a parent. Why she’d always been alone.

Now, seventeen years later, he wishes he did. Wishes he’d known something as simple as her last name.

He dreams of her. Of finding her again: the girl whose heartbeat matched his. The girl whose smile had slowed down time itself for him, as if short moments with her could’ve each stretched into a gentle eternity. He’d wanted them to. He’d wanted to capture every moment spent with her, to make them last, to savor them, so they’d pass slow and sweet like honey on the tongue.

Time had passed slow when he’d wanted it to. Those sunlit afternoons had been sweet, they’d been happy.

Only, time is a fickle thing. When he takes his eye off it, it races away, too fast for him to keep up.

The kidnapping. The experiments. The torture.

The escape.

She saves him. He’s too slow to save her.

And even if he can stop time, here’s the thing: he can never turn the clock back.

Still, he wakes up. Every morning, he gets out of bed. Gets dressed and goes to work. The world around him moves on, and demands he does, too, even if his heart’s still eleven years old and clutching her motionless body, eleven years old, the only sound in his ears his pounding pulse, the absence of the accompaniment of hers an accusation more painful than any hateful words.

It’s a recurring theme in his life, time. It’s ironic, really, when he thinks about it. That he can stop time without lifting a finger, and yet, when it comes to things he cares about, people he loves most, he’s always eleven years old again, always too late.

(His Evol’s time control, but perhaps, all this time, he hasn’t been controlling time, it’s been controlling him. He’s imprisoned by a single moment, a memory, a regret. A past that can never be undone.)

Whenever he has spare time, he devotes himself to searching. Resigns himself to the fact he’ll probably never find her, if all he has to go off of is a child’s face, once preserved in his memory, now fading. Hair color. Eye color. Age. A name. Nothing more.

The searches turn up nothing. 

He spends late nights in the office to distract himself, builds up a capitalist kingdom of a company, if only to put off for a few hours more the prospect of returning home to face his nightmares alone.

His father praises him for LFG’s growth over dinners filled with awkward silences. The name Victor Li appears more and more often in business newspapers. Investors approach him. He gets interviews. Gets offers for TV appearances, for sponsorships.

He takes them, these material successes. Wonders if any amount of them could ever make up for the failure from his childhood. If they could bring her back. He tells himself if he finds her, when he finds her, when he brings her back, it’ll be to a more perfect world. One in which he’ll never fail her again. It’s a foolish thought, but it keeps him going. With it in mind, he proceeds to work twice as hard.

Souvenir is what saves him. A small allowance, a self-indulgence, a seed of hope planted in what he thinks is his darkest time.

It’s for her, more than any of his frantic searching ever was. A dream, a foolish one, that one day she’ll step through his memories and through the restaurant’s door, that one day they’ll share a pudding together again, their hearts beating as one.

He doesn’t get to open Souvenir often; his job doesn't let him. He made sure of that, long ago. But when he does, after the last customer’s left, and he’s put up the closed sign, he cooks for two.

(The first time, Mr. Mills had taken a single look at his silent, still face, and his expression must've spoken volumes. The older man hadn't said a word, only helped clean the kitchen after, the normally gentle lines around his mouth pulled taut in a worried frown.)

He sets the second place at the table himself: carefully places fork, knife and spoon beside lukewarm appetizers, tucks a napkin under soup bowls going cold. Watches the empty seat and the untouched meal for an eternity before finally eating his own. His technique's impeccable. It has been ever since he'd aced his culinary lessons, since he'd bought out the school. He'd used the finest ingredients. He always does.

The food still crumbles like ash in his mouth. (It always does.)

Mr. Mills will find him there, nursing a glass of wine long into the night. He knows better not to question it, but sometimes he'll pull up a chair, drink a glass, too. talk of everything and nothing, talk of his parents, his sister's family, of times gone by.

Victor will never admit it, but the older man's presence makes those nights less hard. his stories, his memories — they keep the ice in his heart from spreading any further when it feels like nothing else will.

Ten years stretch into thirteen, into fourteen, into fifteen, into a broken clock, time stopped because does the passage of time mean anything if he measures it, measured it in time with her? If she's gone?

The meals shrink. First appetizers vanish, then entrees too, until all that's left are desserts, puddings that he stares at all evening, puddings a girl had loved once, that he can almost imagine her sitting there eating, her noticing him watching her and her answering blush and smile. His smile back.

Almost, because after all these years without her, he can’t quite imagine her face. Not as she would look now. Not even as she was, seventeen years back.

(He dreams and finds he doesn’t remember what her smile looked like, exactly. Doesn’t remember the sound of her heartbeat mingling with the sound of his.

Memory is cruel. Memory is imperfect. No matter if you can stop time, no matter how hard you try to memorize a moment, when you revisit it, it’ll never be the same as when you lived it the first time.)

Then:

The day starts like any other. He wakes up, gets out of bed, gets ready for another day of work, another night of searching. He scrolls emails while waiting for his espresso machine to heat, then puts his tablet aside when the coffee's done. He eats in silence. As always, he's done five minutes before he needs to leave for the company, the perfect amount of time for him to do a last-minute check in the mirror— his tie's straight, his shirt unwrinkled, not a hair on his head out of place. The reflection that stares back at him is unchanging; these days it barely shows even the passage of time.

He sighs. Shakes the thought off like the piece of lint it is on his otherwise immaculate state of being, and heads for the door, the lock automatically clicking behind him at eight o'clock am, exactly on schedule, exactly as planned.

He's about to take a seat in his car when an inexplicable urge to walk to work takes hold of him. He pauses. Calculates and re-calculates the time it would take (fifteen minutes, not accounting for rush hour traffic making crosswalks slow), and he's about to decide it's not worth it, it's a silly thought, but the urge intensifies.

Do it, the eleven-year-old in his heart seems to be telling him. You won't regret it.

He frowns and rubs his forehead— for a moment, he wonders if all his searching, all his foolish hopes are finally getting to his brain.

He decides to take the walk, anyway.

He regrets it, not nine minutes later, when despite the sun's light shining strong through the clouds, a light rain begins to fall.

Worse still, the traffic lights haven't changed once in the past ninety seconds. He won't be late, he'd accounted for this, but he's stuck in a crowd of pedestrians, and their chatter's beginning to grate on his nerves. He's considering calling the mayor about it after exactly one hundred seconds have passed— clearly, the light's broken, this is far too long for commuters to wait— but then, finally the walk sign flicks on.

He's already across the street when it happens:

First, a phone rings.

Then, the loud honking of a car.

Tires screech.

Time slows. Time stops.

He's back on the crosswalk in a matter of heartbeats, the inattentive idiot in his arms (it's a girl, it's always a girl, hair dark, eyes wide, expression shocked).

"You..." She says, blinking up at him with those wide, almost-familiar eyes. Distantly, he registers the echo of a heartbeat overlapping with his.

"Who are you?"

Who are you? His mind asks, but deep in his heart, he already knows the answer. It can't be.

"Evolver?" He says instead, shoving down memories that threaten to surface: another rainy day, another crosswalk, another heart that had seemed matched to his. He tells himself he's being delusional, that he thinks he can hear her heartbeat because she's in his arms, wide-eyed and fragile, her heartrate skittering back and forth like a fool— this isn't like his careful, methodical searching, this is a fluke beyond flukes, it means nothing, it'll lead to nothing in the end.

But she's in his arms, warm and soft against his protective embrace, she's in his arms and it feels so right it's almost painful, his pulse pulled into a panicked pace to match hers.

He sets her down abruptly, as if burned, and turns to go.

"Someone can't come to your rescue every time."

Around them, suspended raindrops begin to fall. The world, resumed. The world, once again predictable and mundane. Except for her.

He knows, without looking back, she's staring after him, her heart, his heart, still racing.

He allows himself a smile.

He allows himself some small sliver of hope.

(His frozen time starts moving again.)

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’m 12 years old, sitting in the bathroom, watching my mother straighten her hair before work.

For once, the house is quiet. No little sister running around and agitating the neighbors below us. No stepfather chasing after, telling her to be quiet. Everything is white and fluorescent. We’ve lived in this apartment in Jersey for a year now.

My mother glides the metal plates down her hair, ringlet curls now tamed from years of constant heat damage. Then, she calmly says, “So, you think you’re bisexual?”

This catches me off guard. I, awkward in clothes that have yet to adjust to my changing frame, sputter, “What?”

“Tití Jessie overheard you talking to your cousin.” Which means she picked up the house phone to spy on our conversation. Great.

My mom puts the straightener down, turning from her reflection to look at me. “So you want to put your mouth on another girl’s vagina?”

Naturally, more panic ensues. “What? No!”

She turns back to the mirror. “Okay, then. That’s what I thought.”

And that was that.

My mom and I didn’t talk about my sexuality for another 12 years.

In that gap of time I was on my own, often riddled with doubt. Thinking, yes, she’s probably right.

I read all these romance novels about strong men pursuing strong girls who became soft for them. As a late bloomer of sorts, I didn’t have a significant other until I was 17. He and I explored entering adulthood together until I grew past him.

I went to college in Southern New Jersey, on a small campus known for its nursing and criminal justice programs. You can guess what my fellow classmates were like.

I was a commuter, so I’d drive through Atlantic City — predominately Black, overwhelmed with unemployment, watched over by the casinos jutting into the sky — and into the woodsy off-shore neighborhoods.

Thin Blue Line flags peppered the lawns of homes I passed, a constant reminder of where the people around me stood when it came to my humanity as a Black girl.

So obviously there wasn’t much space for an awkward, introverted Black girl who knew only how to make friends by attaching to the nearest extrovert.

I was still uncomfortable in my Blackness, and I think the other Black kids at my college could sense that.

So I found a home with the other literature majors. I became very used to attention from people who weren’t my type, while simultaneously never being the type of those who piqued my interest. This created a complex that led to a series of sexual encounters that displayed my need for attention and validation.

I was the “first Black girl” for so many cis white men. My quietness made me more approachable. More “acceptable.”

Many people kept telling me what I was or what I wanted. In sitting around common areas with my friends, we’d joke about our relationships.

As my friends watched me rack up body after body, all of them cis and male, they began to make jokes at the validity of my queerness.

A lot of internalized biphobia is questioning yourself because others get into your head.

Bisexual people make up a little over 50 percent of the LGBTQIA community, yet we’re often made to feel like we’re invisible or don’t belong. Like we’re confused, or we haven’t figured it out yet. I began to buy into that concept for myself.

When I finally did have a sexual encounter with a woman, it was during my first threesome. It was a lot. I was slightly drunk and confused, unsure of how to navigate two bodies at once, balancing the couple’s relationship and focused on paying equal amounts of attention to each party.

I left the interaction a little disoriented, wanting to tell my boyfriend about it, but unable to because of the don’t-ask-don’t-tell nature of our open relationship.

I would continue to have sex with women during group play and continue to feel “not queer enough.”

That first interaction, and many of the following, never felt perfect. It added to my internal struggle.

Was I really into other femmes? Was I only sexually attracted to women? I wasn’t allowing myself to understand that queer sex can be less than satisfying as well.

I had racked up so many underwhelming experiences with men, yet never doubted my attraction to them.

Without queer examples in my life, or in the media available to me, I had no idea what was right.

My environment shaped a lot of my self-perception. When I moved back home to NYC, I realized how much was available outside the blue collar, often-conservative district I’d grown up in.

I could be polyamorous. I could be sex-positive and kinky, and I could be queer as f*ck. Even while having relationships with men.

I realized when I began actually dating a woman, I had continuously boiled down my sexuality to sex — just as my mom had years ago.

In that initial conversation, she never asked me if I wanted to put my mouth on a boy’s genitals. I would’ve had the same reaction! I was too young to fathom sex as a whole, let alone the body parts involved.

My feelings for that girl were real and exciting and wonderful. I felt safer than I ever had in a romantic relationship, simply within the kinship of the same gender.

When it dissolved before it really started, I was devastated in losing what I almost had.

It took a long time to come around to the term bisexual

To me, it implied a 50-50 attraction to each sex. I questioned if it was inclusive of other gender identities, too — so I chose pansexual or queer in the beginning.

Although I still use those words to identify myself, I’ve become more comfortable accepting this more common term, understanding its definition is ever-evolving.

Sexuality for me has never been about who I am attracted to. It’s more so about who I’m open to.

And honestly, that’s everyone. I no longer feel the need to prove my queerness to anyone — not even to myself.

[babeyvenus]

The Wolf Among Us

Bigby x Oc

Summary: Sonya Blaze, A.K.A. Hell Rider, is a half fable, half mundy girl who comes to Fabletown to learn more about her side of the folktales. She works alongside Sheriff Bigby Wolf as his newest partner and together they strive to find out who's behind the unexpected murders in Fabletown.

TW: Mentions of death, gore/blood, alcohol, smoking, drugs, sex implications, suicide, guns and ofc language.

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Chapter 18: What a Twist

Everyone turns their head to see the mermaid running towards them, panting softly as she runs up to Sonya. “Easy. You’re not late.”, Sonya smiled, holding her arms.

“Excuse me, dear.”, Crooked Man says to Nerissa. “I….I wanted to make sure I had the chance to say something.”, Nerissa said, catching her breath.

“Why don’t you take a moment to catch your breath, little one?”, Crooked Man suggested.

“What’s she doing here?”, Bluebeard asked, crossing his arms.

“I’d like to…I–I need to say something.”, Nerissa declared.

“We’re kind of in the middle of something.”, Bluebeard said. Sonya glared at him. “Fuck off and let her speak.”

“She has something to say and we’re gonna listen.”, Bigby said. He nodded at Nerissa. “Go right ahead.” She smiles at him, and then glares at the Crooked Man. “You probably don’t remember me. I don’t know why I was afraid to come here.”, she said.

“My dear, I don’t know what it i–”

“Just shut up!”, Nerissa ordered, making him look at her in surprise. “You enslaved us for years. Let us hear stories about what you’d do….told us we would lose everything if we stepped just one toe out of line. And we couldn’t say a word about it because of these damn ribbons.”

“Wait….”

“But you know what….now it’s my turn to talk.”, Nerissa said, smirking. “How are you–?”, he asked, clasping his hands.

“I found Vivian’s body. Did you kill her?”, she asked. She turns to Sonya and Bigby. “Did he?”

“He might as well have.”, Bigby says, looking at the Crooked Man. “Vivian wanted you guys to finally be free. She explained what happened. Figured she knew she was gonna die regardless.”, Sonya said. Nerissa looks down in sadness. “I’m sorry, um….I don’t think I know your….”, Crooked Man excused himself.

“Nerissa! My name is Nerissa!”, Nerissa yells at him.

“It’s okay, my dear, it’s going to be just–”

“He ordered them dead, this fucker. Faith and Lily–"

"That’s a lie!”

“I was in the goddamned room when he did it!”, she exclaimed to the crowd. She turned to Crooked man, angrily. “Faith and Lily are dead because of you! The only two people who ever gave a damn about me… and now I can finally say, you’re an asshole. And I hope you rot at the bottom of the Witching Well for what you did."

"Then this just confirms it.”, Bigby says, grinning. Nerissa turns to the crowd. “He made Georgie do it, it was always him, Georgie would’ve never done anything without his say-so, ever.”

“You’re going to take the word of–”

“At least five other girls will back me up on this.”, Nerissa cuts him off. “We all heard you say it!”

Crooked Man glared at her. “Did you now…”

“There goes our evidence.”, Sonya grins at Bigby. “She saw it first hand….”, Beauty says in shock.

“He’s guilty!”, Bluebeard declared.

“Sounds good to me. What about you, Deputy?”, Bigby smirked at Sonya. “Sounds good to me.”, Sonya agreed, smirking at Crooked Man. “So, we’re all in agreement.”, Snow said.

“So that’s it, right?”, Beast asked.

“Throw him down the Witching Well!”, Johann ordered.

“No! That’s too fuckin’ easy for a crook like that!”, Gren disagrees. Bigby looked at him in confusion while cuffing the Crooked Man.

“What do you mean?”, Beast asked.

“He’s gotta pay for what he did!”, Gren shouted. “That’s what we’re doing!”, Sonya exclaims in confusion. “Listen to yourselves!”, Greenleaf yelled.

“You’re all rats fleeing from one sinking ship to the next. So quick to latch onto whatever will keep your miserable lives afloat. This is how you want to repay all I’ve done for you?”, Crooked Man asked, glaring at the crowd.

“What, you take two people’s lives away and now you want mercy?”, Gren asked, in disbelief.

“You know we can’t let you go free after this.”, Snow said. “Are you seriously trying to get sympathy for ordering a hit on fables?, Sonya scoffed, amused. He narrowed his eyes at her. “Well done then.”

“Now, for your sentence–”, Snow starts but is cut off by Greenleaf. “We don’t have to become murderers.”, she suggests.

Sonya turns to her. "You're still trying to excuse his actions? He killed people. He threatened you all and you want us to make it easy for him? You're not saving him."

Greenleaf frowns. "I don't need to be taking orders from a half fable.", she says, quieting everyone.

Sonya frowns. "What's that got to do with the situation here?"

"The hell is she talking about?"

"Half fable...?"

"Greenleaf, where are you going with this?", Bigby asked. She pointed at him. "Did you really think that no one was gonna figure it out? The new fable in town, the new deputy– no one's even heard of this girl!"

Greenleaf turned to the crowd. "They've practically let a mundy run amuck in our town!", she exclaims making the crowd gasp.

Snow and Bigby's eyes widened. "Now, hold on-"

She turned to glare at Snow. "You let this happen. You're worried about what the Crooked Man would've done, what about her? What if she blabbed to other mundies about us!? What safety would we have then!?"

Sonya could feel everyone's eyes on her as she glared at Greenleaf. The old woman continues. "The wolf and the princess are no better. They just do what they want. If you're so willing to let a half mundy enter Fabletown, what's to stop you from letting other mundies in!?"

The Crooked Man clapped. "Well. This is a surprise to remember."

Sonya glared at him. "Now hold on, whether or not Sonya's a half fable, it didn't stop her from trying her best to find my sister. They care about us. About this town.", Holly interjects.

"They only cared when they thought it was Sonya that bit it, though.", Gren added. Holly shook her head. "But it wasn't her fault. It took me too long to come to terms with that.", she said, looking down. "I trust them. They've gotten this far when Crane never bothered and the Crooked Man is here. That's all we wanted was for justice to come to this town and they've done it. What more do you want?", she asks Greenleaf.

Sonya smiles at Holly, giving her a nod before turning back to Greenleaf, crossing her arms. "Are you done? Can I speak now?" The old woman scoffed, keeping herself quiet.

"Alright then.", Sonya says but Bigby puts a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to explain yourself.", he says. She gives him a small smile. "As your deputy, I'd want everyone to trust me and put their faith in our jobs. What better way to do that than to be honest?"

His expression softened and he lets go of her shoulder. Sonya claps to get everyone's attention. "If you're all writing a book and you must know, I am a half fable. I don't know if you all have heard tales of the Ghost Rider. But I am the next Ghost Rider. My dad was the previous one before me. He died a couple of years ago and I swore and prayed to every god I could think of to bring him back.", she frowns.

She paces in front of the crowd as she continues. "A demon of some sorts, Mephistopheles, or Mephisto, offered me a chance to "help" those in need of saving. To help wary souls find their place in the after life. My dad did the same thing. The only reason why his soul wasn't saved is because he traded it with Mephisto. Same as I have."

She looked down. "He told me about this place. Hell, he worked with Crane outside rather than working at the office. He told me stories about how great this place was. Living fairy tales commuting amongst each other like any regular old person. I thought he was just telling stories but a few years after he died, I decided to look for Fabletown myself."

She looked at Snow. "That's when I met Snow and Crane. Crane gave Snow the rundown of my situation because he knew my dad. Which then helped me get a job as deputy.", she says, glancing at Bigby. "And now we're all here."

Sonya glared at Greenleaf. "However, me being a half fable wouldn't mean I'd rat everyone out. I'd have no good solid proof to the police anyways. I'd look like a damn loon and would probably get arrested for wasting their time. So, I dunno what your little plan was to get everyone's attention onto me and off of the task at hand, but we're still at a trial. And, last time I checked, I wasn't the guilty one."

Greenleaf looks down in shame. “He’s guilty! I know that, but we don’t have to kill anybody. Like you said before, there's another way we can go about this. We can imprison him. Lock him up forever…somewhere he can never hurt anyone again.”, Greenleaf says.

“How can we be sure he won’t escape?”, Snow asked, frowning. “I can help! We’ll use magic. I assure you–”, Greenleaf said, making Sonya look up in thought.

“That’s not good enough!”, Bluebeard shouts.

“There will be more if he isn’t stopped!”, Nerissa says. “So we get rid of him!”, Gren says.

“I don’t know…”, Beauty says, uncertain. “We can send him away!”, Beast suggests.

“Everyone! Listen up!”, Snow announces. “Clearly we’re having trouble agreeing on a suitable punishment. So I think we–”

“This is going nowhere!”, Bluebeard cuts her off. “Someone needs to make a decision!”, Snow exclaimed. “Who?”, Beauty asked.

“I hope you aren’t suggesting yourself.”, Bluebeard says, stepping up to her.

“We should have a vote. Make it democratic.”, Bigby says. “Do you really think that’s going to work?”, Bluebeard asked. “He’s right. Nobody can agree on anything.”, Snow said.

“What about Bigby and Sonya?”, Nerissa asked. “What about them?”, Snow asked, turning to her.

“They were appointed, they’re….the only official representatives, really. They should be the judges.”, Nerissa said.

“That makes sense to me.”

“I guess it does.”

“Okay.”

“Fine.”

“Are you sure? This isn’t how it’s–”, Snow says before Bluebeard interrupts her again.“It’s what the people want, Miss White.”

“Okay.”, Snow said, then turned to Sonya and Bigby. “Mr Wolf. Miss Blaze. It’s your call.”

“Snow, I–”

“Just….do what you two think is right.”, Snow said, interrupting Bigby. Sonya rolls her eyes as he pulls her aside. “What do you wanna do?” She looks at him, incredulously. “Why me? You’re the boss.” , she says.

He rolls his eyes. “Forget that. He kidnapped you.” She sighed. “Good point but he nearly got you killed.”, she argued. He clenched his jaw for a moment and looked at the crowd as they looked at them.

He nodded. “Smart.”, he let out a soft sigh. “Fine.” They walked back to the crowd.

“We could try Greenleaf’s plan. The only thing I’m worried about is whether or not he’d convince her to stop doing it. She’s so hellbent on keeping him alive even though Faith and Lily are dead. And the fact that we could’ve died….”, she says, catching his attention.

She closed her eyes, sighing again. “Let’s just see what Greenleaf has in mind. If things go south, we could always make a plan just in case it does.”

“Everyone, we’ve–”, Bigby started to say until suddenly Crooked Man charged forward and wrapped his cuffed wrists around Sonya’s neck, shocking everyone. “Not this way!”, he yells, tugging her back toward the Witching Well. She coughed and choked, struggling against his hold as Bigby ran to her.

Just before they touch the well, she grips onto the chain that connected the cuffs and melted it, making her drop to her knees. Bigby grabs Crooked Man’s shirt and punches him in the face, holding him over the Witching Well. “Aaahhh……there you are….”, Crooked Man said, creepily as Sonya catches her breath.

The crowd runs toward them, wary of the next move. “I hope you all….remember this moment…..think of me when you try to sleep.”, Crooked Man says.

“You know, we were gonna make the choice of letting you live. But you just tried to murder my deputy. That’s a problem.”, Bigby said, shaking him above the well.

“You’re going to miss me….”, Crooked Man croaked. Bigby looks at Sonya with an unsure expression, watching her rub at her neck. She frowned and nodded.

Bigby looks back at Crooked Man with a smirk. “No. I won’t.”, he says and he drops the Crooked Man down into the well, watching him disappear in the darkness.

“For Lily. And Faith.”, she hears Holly say. Sonya takes another deep breath, as she clasps her neck softly, now coming to terms that she could’ve died.

The Crooked Man was going to kill her because he wasn’t getting his way. That had to be enough proof to show everyone. Bigby looks at her and kneels down to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She snapped her out of her rampant thoughts and looked up at him with red rimmed, glassy, wide eyes.

He frowned, softly taking her hand away from her neck and lifted her chin up to examine it. His expression turned displeased as he saw a red mark on her neck. “I’m fine…”, she says, standing. He stood up with her and nodded, not saying a word and left.

Everyone else leaves the chamber, unsure, afraid, unsettled or otherwise. Sonya could only watch their retreating backs before looking into the dark well for a moment and finally leaves.

She walked out of the office, walked past Bigby’s office. She paused, turned to the door and opened it slowly. She peeked her head through and smiled at Bigby’s sleeping form as he snored softly on his desk.

She walked in, quietly moving over to him and lifted a hand to gently shake him awake. His eyes popped open as he looked around and relaxed when he saw Sonya.

“Why didn’t you head home if you were gonna sleep?”, she asked. He sat up straight, rubbing his eyes. “I was gonna get some paperwork done...hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep.”

She leaned on his desk. “You might wanna go home instead of being here. You deserve a break.”, she said, looking down at her shoes.

He looked up at her and looked at a nearby clock. “Hey…”, he says, getting her attention. “You wanna go grab something to eat?”, he asked, giving her a slight smile. She chuckled. “At this hour?”

“I don’t hear a complaint.”, he says, raising an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes playfully. “Fine. We can go find something that’s open.”

Subway Late Night

Sonya sputters a laugh, nearly choking on her drink. “So, you mean to tell me, he’s making you owe him a place to stay because you blew his house down?”, she asks, after hearing Bigby explain his roommate situation. He swallowed his bite of his meatball sub, giving a sigh and nods. “He’s a pain in the ass.”

“Well, if we’re being fair, in the stories I’ve read, the pigs boil you alive. I think that’s way more than enough.”, she says. That intrigued him. “Really?”, he asked.

She nodded, taking a bite. She looked up at the sky as they walked away from the shop. “To think I’d be living among actual fairy tale characters….”, she mutters. “I mean, I knew the sugarcoated stories had to have some type of dark history behind it but jesus…”

“Yeah… no sugarcoating with this one.”, he says, pointing at himself. “It just sounds like you were hungry.”, she says, smiling. He nodded. “I was.”, he says. “Okay, so let me get this straight. Every fairy tale character is here? Or at least nearby?” He shrugs. “More or less.”

“So...does that mean that Rapunzel is here too?”, she asked. He nodded. “I was wondering because I read a story that the guy that saved her fell from the tower and got his eyes poked out by thorns.”, she says, making him grimace. “That’s dark.”, he says.

“Is it not true?”, she asked and finished up her sandwich. “I wouldn’t know… Not a lot of fables talk to me. That or they’re at the Farm.”, he replied.

“Sounds boring. Looks like I came here just in time to spice up your life.”, she says, grinning and making him roll his eyes in amusement. He threw their trash away in a nearby trash can before they walked in the Woodlands and pulled out a Huff n’ Puff, making Sonya reel back once he lit it. “What is up with you and the cancer sticks?”, she asked, pinching her nose.

“It helps.”, he says. “With addiction??”, she asked in disbelief. He chopped her head softly, “No. It helps drown out smells from the city. My nose can’t take everyone’s scent all at once. Especially if I’m trying to pinpoint someone’s location.”, he says, leading her to the elevator.

Once the elevator stopped on their floor, it opened, allowing them to enter.

Her eyes widened in realization. “Ohhh, so its like being in a perfume store and taking in too many scents all at one time.” He nods, taking a drag.

“Does your nose get stuffy from smelling a lot of things simultaneously?”, she asked. He shook his head, letting the smoke out. “It gives me one mean migraine, though.”

She smiled, enjoying the new info. “So, you are like a pup.”, she joked. He narrowed his eyes at her. “Don’t start.”, he says, making her snicker.

He did have to admit, he felt lighter. The Crooked Man was gone, Faith, Lily and Nerissa got their justice. All that was left was to deal with whatever came their way next. And he was fine with that.

He smiled at Sonya as they arrived on their apartment floors. She rubbed her eyes, sleepily. “I actually miss that stupid couch…”, she muttered.

“Go on home. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”, he says. She looked at him, remembering what Snow said. She gave him a faux smile. “Yeah. G’night, Bigby.”

He nodded before she walked away and entered her apartment. Locking the door, Snow’s words echoed in her mind. “When this case is over, you’ll be on leave until we need you.”

She walked over to her couch and laid into the cushions, curling up. “Damn that Snow.”, she grumbled, shutting her eyes.

The Woodlands Next morning

Bigby rubbed his eyes sleepily as he waited for the elevator doors to open. He pulls out a Huff n’ Puff, lighting it up as Flycatcher catches him. “Hey, Sheriff.”, he greets Bigby. “You gonna see the truck off? We’re leaving for the Farm in a few….I already informed the Deputy and she’s helping outside. Just thought you might wanna, I don’t know…”

“I’ll be down in a minute.”, he says. “Okay…great.”, Flycatcher smiles as the door to the elevator closes. He hears someone walk up to him and sees Sonya. “Hey.”

He greeted her back. “You’re up pretty early. Thought you would’ve slept in after everything that’s happened.”

She shook her head. “Nah, I heard that Toad was getting sent to the Farm and I didn’t want T.J. to be too upset.”, she explains as they walk up to a long line outside of the Business Office. “This fuckin’ line.”, Bigby hears Gren mumble.

As they walked past everyone, they were given smiles or uncertain looks. He lifted a hand to the door of the office until Snow White rushed out, holding some files in her arms. She stops when she sees them. “Oh….Mr. Wolf! Flycatcher left his keys.” She holds out the keys to Bigby.

He holds his hand out and she drops the keys in his hands. He looks down at the keys before looking back at Snow. “Is everything okay? You look–”

“I’m–I’m sorry, Sheriff. I have to take care of this.” , Snow said, before giving Sonya a look. “We’ll talk later, okay?”, she said before walking back into the office. Sonya frowned deeply and walked away, much to Bigby’s confusion.

She walks past Bluebeard and he gives Bigby a look as he walks to the office. “Good morning, Miss White.”

“You’re late.”, Bigby hears her say. He walks to the elevator, ready to get away. The elevator doors opened and his eyes widened at Colin, holding a six pack in his mouth. “Someone’s gonna see you, Colin.”, Bigby said. Colin smiles and winks at him before walking away. He sighed and shook his head, entering the elevator.

As he walked outside, he could hear Toad fussing at Flycatcher as Toad and T.J. climbed in the trunk. “Fly.”, Bigby calls, catching the younger one’s attention. “You forgot these.”, he says, tossing the keys to him. “Oh! Thank you. It’s, uh, been pretty busy around here.”, Flycatcher said as he caught the keys.

“Morning, Sheriff. Nice fuckin’ day.”, Toad said, angrily. “Shit.” He fussed at T.J. “Just go grab that, would you?”

“Sorry about all this. We tried to help.”, Bigby said, standing next to Sonya. “Just why the hell did she have to send me and me boy away? Huh? You two promised me I’d get another chance, but Miss White said I had to go up to the damn Farm anyway! I told her I had the money but she wouldn’t hear it!”, Toad shouts.

“That’s because she’s stuck up about it…”, Sonya mutters, crossing her arms. “Sheriff Bigby! Sonya!”, T.J. called. “I have something.”, Sonya and Bigby walk up to T.J. as he sniffles. “You know he was up cryin’ all night. Poor kid.”, Toad said, shaking his head.

“Can you give this to Miss White? Please.”, T.J. plead as he holds out a little wooden box to them. “Dad says there’s no time to say goodbye, so…if you guys could bring it to her…she was nice.”

“What is it?”, Bigby asked him, holding his hand out.

“I couldn’t take them all with me. And she said she liked that one the best.”, T.J. explained as he hands the box to Bigby. Bigby opened the box and saw a pretty blue beetle inside of it.

To: Miss White

From: TJ

“It’s a Willow Beetle. That’s a big one. They’re cool, ‘cause when they’re little they have these pouches that squirt juice at you if you touch 'em.”, T.J. informed as Bigby closed the box. “She’ll definitely love it.”, Sonya gave him a smile. “She said it was pretty.”, T.J. said.

“We’re about ready to head out.”, Flycatcher said as he walked back towards the truck. “What’s it like at the Farm? I’ve heard ogres live there. And they eat people in their sleep sometimes.”, T.J. said as Toad places a hand on his shoulder. “God, I hope not.”, Toad said. “Do we have to go?”, T.J. asked him. “I wanna stay here.”

“Well, we don’t have a choice anymore.”, Toad said. “We’re sorry, T.J.”, Bigby said. “But look on the bright side, okay? There’s plenty of space to run around, and a nice river nearby so you can swim all you want.”

“Even in daytime?”, T.J. asked, with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah.”, Bigby nodded, smiling. “You won’t have to worry about the mundies seeing you. It’ll be nice.”

T.J. sniffled some more, making Sonya rub his back. “Come on….it won’t be so bad.”, Bigby said.

“Have you been there before?”, T.J. asked, looking up at Bigby.

“No….I’m, uh—some of the animals aren’t comfortable around wolves.”, Bigby says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“So you wouldn’t know, would you?”, Toad asked, making Bigby lower his head. “Hey, if they won't let Mr. Wolf be there, I doubt they'll let any ogres touch you.", Sonya grinned at T.J. He gives her a small smile.

"And hey, I think I got something for ya.", she says, walking over to her bike and dug into a small bag. She pulled out a bag of gummy worms and handed it to him.

"Thought you might like to try them. Wasn't sure whether or not you could have candy but it's a mundy snack.", she says as he takes it with wonder.

“We’re all set.”, Flycatcher says, getting in the truck. "Bye, Mr Wolf. Bye, Miss Sonya.”, T.J. said, with glassy eyes. “Goodbye, T.J.”, Bigby says. "Seeya kiddo. I'll try to see if I can visit you!", she said, giving him a grin.

Bigby pulls out a cigarette, grumbling when he gets interrupted. “Hey, Bigby! Where’s your friend, Colin? Where’s the fuckin’ pig?”, Toad asked, angrily. “I dunno. He must’ve run off.”, Bigby shrugged as he lit his smoke.

“What a crock of shit.”, Toad said, angrily as they drove away. Sonya sighed. “I hate that he cusses like that around T.J. He’s so sweet.”, she says to Bigby and looks up as it starts to rain. “Where are you headed off to?”, he asked.

“Well, I-”, Sonya starts before she gets cut off. “Saying goodbye?”, a familiar voice asks. Sonya and Bigby look across the street to see Nerissa, in a white shirt and a jacket, and jeans, smiling while holding an umbrella. They smile at her, walking across the street.

“Hi.”, they say as Sonya gave her a hug.

“Hi.”, she says, returning it. “You’re still wearing that thing.”, Bigby said, pointing at her neck. Sonya’s eyes trail to Nerissa’s neck as she sees the purple ribbon and frowns.

“Oh….yeah.”, she said, nervously. “I guess I am…it’s not easy to forget.” They walk under a shade, shielding themselves from the rain. “I know it seems like I should be able to….it’s just….”, she sighs.

“Could I…?”, Bigby asked, reaching out to her. Sonya slaps his hand, making him retract it. “What did I tell you? You’re so impatient.”, she fussed. He grumbled, rubbing his hand.

Nerissa rubs her arm. “I’m sorry... I-I know you’re just trying to help, but this is just something I need to do on my own. Okay?” He nodded, putting his hands at his sides.

“Listen, I-I came here because….I have to tell you guys something.”, Nerissa said. “What’s wrong?”, Sonya asked.

“It’s about what happened to Faith and Lily. I’m not sure where to start….”, she said, biting her lip. “Faith, Lily and I, we had this plan. We were gonna find a way out. Leave the Pudding 'n Pie for good….but then Faith decided to get some…leverage. She stole a picture of Crane and Lily together. The minute Faith stole that photo, we had dirt on one of the Crooked Man’s allies. If he found out–!”, she took a breath.

“I-I had no choice. You two have to understand. You’ve seen how they kept us quiet at that place. Can you imagine the lengths they’d go to just silence someone who had physical evidence?”

“Nerissa, what did you do?”, Bigby asked, confused and shocked.

“I freaked out. Okay? I thought if I came clean to Georgie, he’d get the Crooked Man to leave us alone! We could just forget the whole thing….maybe try again in a few years.”, Nerissa confessed.

“You…what!?”, Sonya asked, shocked.

“So I told him everything. And I begged for mercy. For all of us! I didn’t want anyone to die over a picture!”, Nerissa says, tearfully. “So you sold them out?”, Sonya asked, crossing her arms in disappointment. “No!”, she exclaimed.

Sonya looked at her with an eyebrow raised. “Yes....”, Nerissa looks down at her feet. “Georgie promised he’d smooth things over with the Crooked Man. But then….Oh God.”

Sonya sighed, reaching to rub her back but she flinched, making Sonya’s eyes widen. She gave her a weak smile, appreciative of the attempted comfort.

“I don’t know what happened, but that night, at the club….Georgie came back and told me things had changed. He had to make an example of us…we had committed treason. And while the two of us were sitting there…as he was telling me this….Faith walked in. And I had to watch while Georgie–”, she explained, sniffling.

Bigby’s eyes widened. “Wait, so Georgie told you all this? Not the Crooked Man? Back at the Well you said….”

“I know what I said.”, Nerissa said firmly. Sonya frowns. “But it wasn’t the truth, was it?”

“What does it matter? I know the Crooked Man did it. So what if it wasn’t the whole truth? It was true enough!”, Nerissa exclaimed.

“So you think that makes it okay to lie?”, he asked, frowning at her.

“I know he ordered their deaths. I wasn’t going to let him get away with it because of a stupid technicality. Especially after-” She sighed and looked at them.

“That night, after Faith….I tried to warn Lily, but she wasn’t with her scheduled appointment. So I did the only thing I could do. I-I left Faith’s head at your doorstep.”, Nerissa confessed.

“You?”, the other two asked. “So that piece of fabric I found near there….that was you?”, Bigby asked. Nerissa nodded. “Yeah…I cut my leg trying to get over the fence.”

Sonya looked at him. “Its no wonder why she was placed there with care.” She turned to Nerissa. “So you started all of this?”

“I just…. I pointed you two in the right direction. People like us get forgotten all the time. The Crooked Man was counting on that. When we suffer, we do it in silence. And the world likes it that way. We just….fade. Like we never existed. I couldn’t watch that happen to Faith. Or Lily. Nobody cares about us. Not really.”, Nerissa says, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry, Nerissa.”, Bigby said. “I’m sorry that’s what it took to get us to pay attention.”

“It’ll be different now. You guys will make things right…. The two of you and Snow.”, Nerissa said, smiling. Sonya crosses her arms. “It just feels like it won’t matter.”

“It seems like no matter what we do, it’s just not enough for her or anyone.”, Bigby says, sadly. “We just can’t win with these people.”

“I know it might feel that way, but….they need you two. All three of you. You three make a good team. The way you look out for each other….and look out for us. You don’t see that a lot these days.”, Nerissa nods..

“I don’t really know where we stand anymore. Things are just...different.”, Bigby shrugged, looking at his feet.

“Things are always different. Look, after everything you two have done for us… Maybe they don’t want to admit it, but…without you two, none of this would’ve happened. You two listened when no one else would. Both of you protected your friends….no matter the cost. And you brought justice to this town….finally. Because you two brought the Crooked Man in, everyone saw who he really was. So from where I’m standing, you guys did the right thing. You guys have been given these jobs for a reason. And I left Faith at your doorstep, because I knew, if anyone stood a chance against the Crooked Man, it was you two.”, Nerissa reassures.

“That’s all we wanted was for things to be right. To be better.”, Sonya says. “You two have changed this place. For better or worse. Fabletown wouldn’t be the same with you two.”, Nerissa says, grinning and opening her umbrella as she starts to walk away from them.

She pauses and turns to Bigby. “You’re still not as bad as everyone says you are.” Bigby’s eyes slowly widened in realization. He looked at Sonya as she looked at him and back at Nerissa in confusion.

“I need to tell you something.”

“I have to tell you something.”

“I feel like we’ve met before.”

“You’re trying to place me.”

“You like my ribbon?”

“Do you like it?”

“Faith wore one too.”

“Would hide her beauty, so she could escape his kingdom.”

"They used to call me The Little Mermaid."

“Did Dr Swineheart ever get back to you about Faith?”

“He said he wanted to run more tests.”

“I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

I’ll see you two around.

“No way…”, Sonya mutters and turns to Bigby. “Should we go after her?” He looked at “Nerissa’s” retreating back and shook his head. “I think she deserves to be free.”

She sighed and walked back to her bike with him, placing her helmet on her head before climbing on.

“So...you’re headed where now?”, Bigby asked. “You’re not leaving too...are you?” She looked at him with a small smile. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”, she chuckled, tugging her bag on her back. “I’m gonna visit my mom.”

His eyes filled with curiosity. “Your mom…? How come? Did something happen?” She shook her head, “I haven’t been able to keep in touch with her since we were working so I thought a little visit would ease her mind.”

He nodded in understanding. She smirked, teasingly. “What, you gonna miss me?” He rolled his eyes. “No, I was just thinking.”

She leaned on the handle bar of her bike. “About what?” He rubbed behind his neck. “Apologizing to your mother.”

Her eyes widened a bit before she snickered. “What?”, he asked, frowning. “You sound like you’re gonna get in trouble. Relax.”, she says, smiling. She sits up. “Did you wanna come with?”

He looks at her bike. “You sure I can fit on that?” She shrugs. “I’m more worried about your poor pup ears.”, she teased, making him roll his eyes again. “I think I can handle the sound of a muffler.”, he says. She scoots up. “Get on then.”

He awkwardly gets on the bike, hesitantly wrapping his arms around here as she starts up her bike. “I don’t think I have to tell you to hold on, right?”, she asks. He narrowed his eyes, making her shrug. “Okay.”

She pulls off, the loud roar of the engine making Bigby’s ears twitch and his hold gets a little tighter.

[stylinbreeze60]

Haikyuu Season 4 Reactions

~ A disillusioned ex-film student reacts to the new episodes of Haikyuu ~

Episode 25

I’m sad that it’s over, and surprised that there wasn’t a confirmation of Season 5. That ending was clearly set up for a Season 5, however, so that settles that as far as I’m concerned

The voiceless team hug was my favorite moment of the episode. It was so touching, and by muting the sound on the reaction shots of Ukai and Takeda, Kiyoko, and Yachi as well, it unified everyone in that moment of celebration

Washijou was watching the match. Given my knowledge of the manga, I’m not sure what I think of that fact in isolation, but it does unify the two halves of season 4 by once again recalling the training camp and Hinata’s rocky relationship with the coach of Shiratorizawa

I loved that Tsukishima connected Hinata’s receive to that lauded moment when you fall in love with volleyball. It doesn’t carry as much import in this case because Hinata was already a simp for volleyball, but I think Tsukishima’s narration is more critical: “The second day of the Spring Tournament. That’s the day that he sunk one level deeper into being hooked on volleyball.” This statement, spoken as if with hindsight, would seem to indicate that this particular receive will yet have more impact on Hinata than merely character growth

Bokuto wanting to fight the Miyas is so like him

Tora’s sister Akane overhearing all the Nekoma dissing is great setup for the playing field Nekoma is entering. It also cleverly sets us up for Kenma’s complaint that “everyone’s saying Karasuno’s better than us”

The news segment was hilarious all throughout. Unlike previous segments, where often Karasuno didn’t get much screen time and that was a main driver of the humor (such as famously after facing Seijoh), this time Karasuno hilariously was 75% dissatisfied with how each person was in fact portrayed. Asahi’s line sums up the feeling of seeing your subjective bad side best: “Man, this hurts”

Bokuto’s declaration of victory feels like a looming threat to Karasuno’s chances at taking nationals

The third-years’ conversation on the balcony felt like foreshadowing of what the squad will be like after the third years move on. But more than that, I loved that it concluded with the third years motivated not to “lose” to their juniors

Really, there was a lot of foreshadowing this episode of potential future threats, incredibly appropriate for the season finale: most obviously in the form of the Battle of the Garbage Dump, but also Atsumu’s declaration that they will beat Karasuno in the Inter-High, the third years’ declaration that they will not be shown up, and Bokuto’s declaration that they will take home nationals. Likewise, Akaashi’s line that there are four more rounds ahead: whoever wins the tournament, Karasuno and Bokuto still have a long way to go to the championship, and that promises quite a bit more anime to come if the story takes us that far

They casually squeezed in a mention that Kanoka’s team won their game alsklasfnasas. I’m happy for them, but if you’d blink, you’d miss it

I hate to agree with Kenma, but I also don’t think Nekoma could have beaten Ushiwaka or the Miya twins. That said, the Rock Paper Scissors metaphor was genius in a way: just because Karasuno beat Shiratorizawa or Inarizaki doesn’t mean Nekoma would lose. (Taken even more literally, if Karasuno can beat Shiratorizawa and Shiratorizawa would beat Nekoma, then Nekoma would beat Karasuno)

The Ukais’ conversation was incredibly touching and framed the Battle of the Garbage Dump in more holistic terms. Also, good thing elder Ukai isn’t hospitalized anymore it would seem. [a/n: I’m actually confused whether that scene was supposed to have taken place in the past or the present. If in the past, then it doesn’t make sense for Keishin to talk as if the Battle of the Garbage Dump were guaranteed, but does that mean he really commuted all the way back to Miyagi to see his grandpa in the middle of the night when they have a game tomorrow?]

Using “Imagination” (the series’ first opening theme) as the ending theme was an inspired choice. It solidified the connection back to the very first cour of the anime, when Nekoma was introduced and the rivalry first began. I also adored the recap of Kenma and Hinata’s relationship and what they did to get here during the ending credits. All of it has set us up for the inevitable--even if not confirmed--season 5

Karasuno vs. Nekoma, whenever it comes, is coming

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