#because mike is just so empty and purposeless

[sword-day]

I know it was you.

Better Call Saul Five-O

[coristophanes]

Well this post certainly isn't going to go in the direction I had thought my first post would go when I made this account a few days ago but I told myself that this account for just kinda posting whatever comes to mind; Like a journal of sorts.

I doubt anyone will end up reading this but if you do, I do know that this could be posted privately, but my brain tells me that if it's private there's no point in writing it at all when I could just keep it in. Also I don't know how tumblr is supposed to work but I don't really care. Wow this mobile formatting bothers me. I also don't think I used the semicolon right but I care even less about that.

I'm gonna be talking about mental health and suicide so trigger warnings or whatever.

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So uh how to start. In my experience, whenever people talk about suicide or whenever it's protrayed in media, it's always a lingering thing, you know? It's always talked about like this monster looming over a person and all it takes is one particularly bad day for it to get close enough to get you. It builds and it lingers and it just always hurts. For so many that's just how it is I'm sure.

I've had my share of suicidal thoughts, they've never gone further than that but they happen. But I feel like my experience is different than the lingering monster. At least I think it is but I'm not really sure, which is part of why I feel the need to write it out. My suicidal thoughts aren't lingering, they're reactive. They happen in response to things that upset me, even just minorly.

I struggle greatly with self worth. Its not that I feel inadequate but more that I feel purposeless? I guess? I'm capable of so much, I know that I am, but I'm unable to use that. I've tried furthering my education, developing a career, going to the gym, taking care of myself better. I can never manage. It starts out strong but lose focus. School in particular was tough because the littlest fuck ups snowball. All it took was a single missed assignment to cause a domino effect leading to me literally missing 80% of all my classes and classwork.

I don't really know where I'm going with this but I think I got off topic. The littlest mistake, embarrassment, bad memory, anything, is enough to pop into my head the idea of "it would be so easy to just do ___ and have it all be over with." And then it's gone. Either I push it out or or it just leaves and I don't think about it until the next time. The thing that spurred all this on in particular is that I've spent too much money recently. Was laying in bed, thought about my spending and then just "this sucks, I suppose I could just end it." Only reason I'm thinking about it now is because I've chosen to think about it because you know... Probably not a healthy mindset to have.

But when I got to writing the first part of this post I started thinking "is this really different from the looming monster metaphor" (not my best work). Sure it's not inherently the direct nono thoughts always looming over me, but those triggering thoughts absolutely are. I find myself always needing some kind of distraction lest the thoughts creep in. I watch so much Netflix and YouTube and tiktok, etc, just to keep the thoughts from rearing their ugly lil heads. Even as we speak, or I guess as I write, I'm rewatching suits on Netflix in a little popout window on my phone (if your curious where I am, Mike just got arrested for being a fraud). Notably, I don't typically listen to music because I'm still able to empty my head when I listen to music, leaving it open for the thoughts I don't wanna deal with.

Honestly I don't know where to go with all this at this point. I'm kinda out of thoughts to write down. Uhh might see Oppenheimer next week, that'll be fun. Maybe barbie too, idk about that one though, kinda harkens back to the spending problem.

Harkens? Did I use that right? I'm gonna assume I did. I probably didn't but who cares, whats gonna happen? The nonexistent reader gonna make imaginary funny of me for harkening wrong? I think not.

This was never the intent of this account. I thought I was gonna be funny and just kinda post random 'quirky' thoughts but uhhh I do think there's gonna be more of these in the future because it felt good to get this off my chest.

Future Topics you can look forward to [or dread]:

- My emotions [or lack thereof]

- My relationship and why I think it's struggling [spoiler alert: I might be aro but I have no idea]

- Why I randomly changed from round to square brackets [I didn't feel like fixing them once I noticed]

- quirky silly goofy Minecraft Roleplay Server trauma (trauma might be a little strong but the hyperbole makes it funny.)

- Cheese probably. Idk why or when but cheese is important to me and I'm gonna discuss it eventually.

- the fact I think I have ADHD or some other neurodivegency (but you'll never catch me telling someone because I despise self diagnosis)

- hyperfixation of the week

- the fact that I accidentally went back to round brackets

- the fact that this list is way too long now but I don't really care to delete any of them but like whatever? Nobody is reading this. Probably. Like I said idk how tumblr works.

Uhhh anyway bye.

Sike I realized my about me section isn't actually made yet so breif background info I should probably put at the top but uhh fuck you.

Cori, 22, Agender(ish), Use any pronouns but if you ask me which ones I use I'll tell you they/them otherwise you'll end up using exclusively he/him and I don't want that because that is incorrect, sorry. Canadian... If that's relevant. I like purple. Big fan of Satyrs. Love D&D. Not straight but don't ask me what I am or I might have to kill you (I don't know). Fun fact: approximately 65% of the crushes I had while in pre-post-secondary school ended up realizing they're actually various flavours of transmasc (one's actually Triple A but don't worry about it).

None of this is relevant, but my episode of suits ended so I'm just kinda rambling until I can find a good point to stop typing, otherwise return of the bad thoughts. I hope tumblr posts don't have a word limit (looking at you twitter [or should I say 'X'] {I shouldn't say X, X is stupid})

Wait this is already and incoherent disaster I can just stop now.

K byeeeeeee

[girl4music]

BUFFY REWATCH - S06E05 - Life Serial

*Open on the hallways of UC Sunnydale. Various students walking around*

BUFFY (Voice over): “This is gonna be great.

*Cut to Buffy and Willow entering a classroom*

I thought it might be a little weird being back, I mean, it is weird, but like a good kind of weird.”

*Instead of desks the classroom has long tables set up in a rectangle. They walk around the perimeter to find empty seats*

WILLOW: “There's the teacher, Mike.

*Shot of the teacher dressed casually, writing on the blackboard the words "Social Construction of..."*

You'll like Mike.”

*Sits*

BUFFY: “You call your teacher Mike? Boy, school sure has changed since my day.”

*Sits*

*Mike turns from the blackboard. The final word he wrote was "reality”*

MIKE: “Social Construction of Reality. Who can tell me what that is?

*Many students raise their hands including Willow*

Rachel?”

RACHEL: “A concept involving a couple of opposing theories, one stressing the externality and independence of social reality from individuals.”

*Buffy looks confused*

MIKE: “And the flip side?

*Many hands raised*

Steve?”

STEVE: “That each individual participates fully in the construction of his or her own life.”

MIKE: “Good, and who can expand on that?

*Hands*

Chuck?”

CHUCK: “Well, those on the latter side of the theoretical divide stress...”

BUFFY:

*Leans toward Willow and whispers*

“Will, I'm not following this too well.”

WILLOW: “Oh. The trick is to get in the rhythm, kinda go with the flow.”

*Raises her hand*

BUFFY: “Flow-going would be a lot easier if your classmates weren't such big brains.”

WILLOW:

*Hand still raised*

“Buffy, that's ridiculous! They are no smarter than you or me.”

MIKE (Voice over): “Willow?”

WILLOW:

*Lowers hand, speaks to Mike*

“Because social phenomena don't have unproblematic objective existences. They have to be interpreted and given meanings by those who encounter them.”

*Buffy stares at Willow*

MIKE (Voice over): “Nicely put. So, Ruby, does that mean there are countless realities?”

WILLOW:

*Notices Buffy's look*

“What?

*Cut to Buffy and Willow walking through the hallways*

You're not dumb. Just rusty.”

BUFFY: “Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes, like, introduction to pies, or maybe advanced walking.”

*Tara hurries up to join them*

TARA: “Hey! How'd it go?”

WILLOW: “She did fine! Sociology, not a big fave.”

TARA: “She didn't like Mike?”

BUFFY: “No, look, it's fine. I just need to spend a little more time re-acclimating. You know, to get back into the swing of things.”

First of all, can I just say that I would have loved to be apart of this college lecture. Social Construction of Reality is one of my favourite concepts to talk about. Especially because I firmly believe reality is constructed by the mind and, as Willow said, must be interpreted by sociality to be given any kind of objective existence otherwise it is meaningless and purposeless. It can’t be said to be “real” without it. Although some could argue that it still isn’t with it.

One of the biggest differences between Buffy and Willow is the level of cerebral capacity both possess. Willow - being the most academically intelligent and successful of the Scooby Gang sans Giles, clearly possesses an advanced level of cerebral capacity, whereas Buffy - having to sacrifice a lot of her public education for reasons stated earlier in the episode - possesses… I would say, an intermediate level of cerebral capacity. I don’t think she’s dumb by any means but the show writers do like to paint the character as that sometimes. I agree with Willow in this scene. She is rusty and just needs to oil the pipes. Besides, Buffy possesses a level of self-awareness that Willow does not have which makes her more intuitively intelligent than Willow is. As ‘The Slayer’, Buffy’s instincts kick in when her conscious mind is idle. Any fighter’s instincts would. But especially a fighter destined to fight the good fight. Something Willow has never really understood about being ‘The Slayer’ although she does desire the same level of power and strength as Buffy has as ‘The Slayer’.

I think it’s interesting how it always seems to be Willow that has to remind Buffy that she isn’t stupid. When she was tutoring her in ‘Becoming (Part I), she explains that it’s a lack of focus which is what prevents Buffy from academic achievement. There’s just too much on her mind and going on in her life to focus on such mundane things as public education. There always is because she’s constantly juggling between being a mortal woman and being a Slayer and she never quite finds the balance. Certainly less so in Season 6 when she’s just been brought back to life and has to essentially restart all over again. So it can be forgiven that she’s not very mentally with it.

And unless it’s just the way Sarah Michelle Gellar plays the character, I don’t really think “dumb” is a very accurate adjective to describe Buffy Summers. There is too much worldliness to her portrayal of the character. People might think differently as they have seen other portrayals of her. But I genuinely think the painting of her as “the dumb one” doesn’t work at all. Although I do admit, for all the ways Willow feels inferior to Buffy, I do like that there’s one environment where she doesn’t feel out of place compared to her.

Much like Xander in Season 4, Buffy is fully feeling the isolating anxiety that everyone else is far ahead of her and is moving passed her at a pace too blurry to see and therefore keep up with. A very clever visual for that we see a little later on when walking with Tara and she keeps missing what she’s saying and doing. The fabric of reality literally passes before her eyes. It’s one of the coolest sequences in the show and I do think it’s a real shame that they didn’t do anything with the theme of “time-travel” any further than this.

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

Rules: tag 9 people with excellent taste

Colour(s) I’m currently wearing

Mostly white - I’m wearing my bathrobe. My mom got it for me and it’s great. It’s not the softest but it’s good and it’s got cool blue and grey horizontal stripes on the bottom. Normally it’s very frustrating for her to try to get clothing gifts for me, but she hit the nail on the head with this one.

Last band T shirt I bought

I’ve never bought a ‘band’ t-shirt. The artists I really love don’t have much in the way of t-shirts and if they do, they look really corny. Like I’m not gonna get a Streisand t-shirt and look like some middle-aged empty-nester out grocery shopping.

Last band I saw live

I guess our evening Jazz Ensemble - it’s professional adult musicians - at my school’s Jazz Ensembles concert. They’re great. As for non-school performances, I think? the last concert I went to was a Brian Setzer concert at the Hollywood Bowl with my mom a while back.

Last song I listened to

I tried listening to some contemporary pop from the Love, Simon (2018) soundtrack today and it was really difficult so now I’m at the computer enjoying some tumblr-time and listening to my most-chill and most-favorite Doris Day album.

Lipstick or chapstick?

I used lipstick once for my Katharine Hepburn halloween costume last year and - tbh lipstick is so much work - makeup in general. Like it would be fun to be a girl and wear dresses and be super pretty and stuff - but wo-MAN it’s so much work!

So chapstick. The tube I use is some Burt’s Bees pink grapefruit that I really love. This might sound weird but I only have it because a boy I had a small crush on once asked me to hold it while he changed clothes and forgot to collect it from me..

Last movie I watched

I went to the movies last weekend with @adamsberg​ and another one of my best friends and saw Love, Simon (2018). I really really really really loved it.

I hadn’t even heard of it until a few weeks ago I saw a trailer on YouTube, but I thought it looked great and it was everything I hoped and more. I have this soft spot for angsty contemporary teen dramas like this [The Fault In Our Stars (2014) and The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) are also in this micro-genre]. While I love my classics, I also love these great movies that are being made here and NOW! Sometimes I feel apart from the rest of the world - and not in a good way. I wasn’t friendless in high school - but I wasn’t anywhere near as close to any of my friends as any of these movie teens are... as accepted and loved as I am to/by an amazing, small, group of my friends now. I have no horror stories, but I don’t have very many stories and that’s just it - I could have had so much more, but I didn’t. Part of it was because I wasn’t out yet and this film so wonderfully explored that. I highly reccomend it - and not just for the good plot, it’s hilarious and an overall great experience.

Last 3 TV shows I watched

911 (2018-present) 

Sometimes my mom’s taste in first-run television is pretty bad (NCIS stopped being good like a decade ago) but in this case I am totally on-board. Angela Bassett [WAIT HOW IS SHE 59???????] is an inspiration (I WANT HER CHARACTER’S HOUSE!), the writing and production values are generally very good - it’s a solid, interesting show. Still, can anyone tell me what the deal with that middle-aged white lady (who’s a few years younger than Angela Bassett but lowekey looks 20 years older) who dresses like a suburban mom trying to dress like her teenage daughter - like what’s the deal with her dating that guy in his 20s? 

Frasier (1993-2004)

My mom and I watch this show somewhat regularly as it’s on like every flippin’ night on the scourge that is the Hallmark Channel (generally decent reruns, but I hate the channel itself and their original programming is complete trash). In a lotta ways I really love it - it’s hilarious, witty, sophisticated, adult, and has the power to  create a real poigniant moment like you rarely see so fully-realized in sitcoms. 

It has its issues though. Frasier and Niles (especially in early seasons) can get annoyingly whiny/snobby. I get that their characters are kinda built around that, but there’s a point at which they take it too far and it becomes disengaging. Also it’s a super white-people-centric show (I wonder why Hallmark likes it so much...) so diversity could be a lot better. Still, it’s generally a high-quality program.

Gosh I don’t remember what else I watched last. I haven’t had a lotta TV time lately so Imma use this opportunity to plug...

Stranger Things (2016-present)

One’a my best friends, Grace, introduced me to this show and I absolutely love it. The period’s really well done - not just accurate, but alive and real and relatable. The acting and casting is great. Winona Ryder is a treasure and I have a shameless crush on Joe Keery’s amazing hair and the person it belongs to. The scoring is effective, interesting, and very different from the kind of film music I usually am exposed to (I’m really making an effort to expand my horizons beyond classic orchestral sounds lately). The production values are great - it’s just an amazing show. 

Last 3 characters I identified with

1.) Simon Spier from Love, Simon (2018)

While there are some things about him I definitely don’t identify with (message me personally if you wanna know specifics- I don’t want to spoil anything), I very much identify with his coming out story and coming to terms with his sexuality on his own terms. 

I feel like there are people who will criticize the film based on Simon’s extreme normalcy - like he’s honestly a fairly stock white, middle-class, suburban teenage boy and, aside from his involvement in theater and ‘ya know liking boys he doesn’t do much that would be considered “gay” - but that’s kinda the point of the film. Being gay is just something that is and anyone can be gay - they’re not weird or whatever just for being gay - that was one of my fears - that I would be treated (or even just feel like) some strange unwelcome outsider just because of this one thing.

I had a long conversation tonight with an older kinda mentor’y friend of mine (though I’m more of the mentor) who’s gay and who was having a really rough night. Among the lotta things he said was that all gay men cheat that there’s no true monagomous love in the gay community and like lightning I shot him down with a fervor and wisdom and riteousness that would make Kate proud (wayto blow my own horn). 

That’s the exact kind of idiotic prejudice that makes people afraid to come out in the first place. It’s fear that kind of small-minded judgmental behavior which was most responsible for me remaining closeted in high school. It’s a hard thing to explain to someone who hasn’t been there because after you’ve been through it, it can kinda feel like nothing afterwards -  all this fear and conflict and it’s really kinda purposeless. You find that people still love you and the people who don’t are really not good people anyway. I wish I had come out in high school, I could have been happier. But I am happy now.

2.) Tracy Lord from The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Dedicated followers may remember I rewatched this one a few wks ago on what would have been a date with me and my crush until he cancelled. That time I saw Trace and Kate herself through lenses less tinted than ever before, but still she’s there in all her glory and all her not-glory. Tracy is riteous, despises drinking and gets very contemptful of what she views as weakness, such as her ex-husband’s drinking problem or Mike’s cynical view of the rich. I am often that way (in large part due to the second-generation effects of my mom’s own east coast catholic upbrining) which has it’s merits certainly - that specific east coast almost ‘puritan’ toughness (I think Dick Cavett, said Bette Davis and Kate both had it) can be a tremendous source of strength and sense. It can also easily become cold, prudish, snobbish, and condesending. I have tried to unlearn these aspects and I am still working on that. This is kinda what Tracy’s arc is about, learning to be human and be loved and to love others.

Though it’s not as recent, the next one that comes to mind is

3.)  Nancy Wheeler from Stranger Things

I already mentioned that my friend Grace got me into this show, but I didn’t mention that I only ever watch it with her. Not that I don’t really love the show - I do - but I like saving it for when we’re together - it makes it more special. 

Anyway, more than perhaps any other single character on that show, I identify with Nancy Wheeler. Regular suburban teenager who’s better - not just a regular suburban teenager - she’s aware of the sort of suburban ‘don’t do much with your life ‘cept rasie kids [not that there’s anything wrong with having and raising kids, that’s wonderful] trap. I also found the episode with her at Steve’s house really resonated with me. Barb telling Nancy “this isn’t you” really got to me. Part of me still has an internal ‘Barb’ that kinda ties in with the whole east-coast ‘puritan’y’ morality but there’s also the part of me that wants to be young and just a person and do cool things with my friends and kiss boys and watch great angsty contemporary teen dramas. They both have their merits and drawbacks - the young side has life but can be stupid and reckless - the old side is wise and careful, but can be paralyzing and stagnating.

Books I’m currently reading

I have a whole slew of books checked out that I’m supposed to be reading (for my own enjoyment).

The Unanswered Question: Six Talks at Harvard     by   Leonard Bernstien

I loved his The Joy of Music so I figured I would like this too. He’s a great music lecturer. I’m only like 5 pages in so far.

Elizabeth Taylor: A Private Life for Public Consumption      by    Ellis Cashmore 

This one I’m a little further on, though most of that was just the introductory timeline of her life with a key notating each illness/medical episode, marriage/actual or rumored romantic relationship, and neaar-death experience (her life is such ‘drama’).

I also have a book about motifs in Hitchcock’s films with the car picnic from To Catch a Thief (1955) on the cover. I haven’t started reading it yet.

And I have some book about Lerner & Lowe, the duo responsibly for My Fair Lady, Camelot, etc...

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This was really really wonderful to participate in. Thank you, my amazing friends, so much for tagging me @adamsberg​ and @in-the-key-of-d-minor​. I’ve enjoyed lots of asks and tag games, but I’ve never felt this good about one before...

I tag

@hildy-dont-be-hasty @tyronepowerbottom @reluctant-martyrs @thevintagious @littlehappyrock @n2ninvisiblegirl @solasdisapproves @hepburnandhepburn and @her-man-friday

If I didn’t tag you but you wanna participate, have at it!

What’m I gonna do, fire you?

[mnovenia]

A CUP OF SOUP

Since I moved here to the Netherland, I love the fact that I can find an instant soup (my favourite ever, but was too expensive back then in Indonesia) in a very cheap price. Not until this point, when I’ve been having cold and eating it almost 3 times a day.

I do appreciate everything God has offered here.. It’s more than a month already, and I still don’t get enough of the city’s prettiness, new cultures, cool autumn/winter outfits, different foods I found in supermarket, a whole new life perspective, a taste of living the dream and new friendship. 

But of course as the time goes by, I do miss things back home. Especially when things get tougher, like struggling with the weather. I know it’s inevitable, and I should just deal with it. Courses and assignments demand more of my time and attention. People embarrassed me by speaking Dutch and I have no idea why, look down to me because I’m not white. And when nobody back home seems like care, my own father never even ask how am I doing, he sometimes texts in the group just shared about his own interest, which I find weird and embarrassing. Speaking about him has always made me holding grudges and left so much pains in my heart somehow. I just don’t understand and feel disappointed.

And again  thinking about all these things, it’s like I have no option but force me to be strong all the time, no matter what, because this is the road I chose, and so I have to be responsible for the rest of the journey.

Of course it’s tiring to think about that. Like I can’t miss a thing, I can’t make mistake, I have to stand up all the time for whatever reason because I have no ‘backup’ and no one would care for me.

To the point when I realise that I can’t be strong all the time, and it’s useless to be intense in everything, and it’s purposeless if I do it all  just for my own sake. I forgot that, dude, it’s not your life, you’ve crucified with Christ, so it is His life that you own by now.

But God, I always hesitate to be honest with you. To reveal my weaknesses to you, to admit that I miss my mom, I need to feel loved, I’m afraid that I can’t get things done and I’m just as weak as any other human creation.

And the words of God says: RELAX! Do not be anxious, do not be afraid, for I am with you, do not be discourage, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

So here I am, in my bed. God allows me to feel sick, right now. It’s the time when He demands my focus to look up to Him, ask Him to heal, appreciate Sabbath Day, to reflect and spend time with Him.

I read Isaiah 1:13 the other day, it said: Stop bringing meaningless offerings! Your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations— I cannot bear your worthless assemblies.

Today I take time to reflect on how my relationship with God has been. it’s just been a so-so one, I managed to read my bible but it feels empty. Last week He has graciously bring someone to speak to me. Actually i was a bit discouraged to come to church, because I was kind of longing for deeper conversation but haven't found any after almost a month being here. But I know Vineyard is the one that God calls me to go, and indeed He who promised is faithful. After the service, I came to queue at the front for prayer, somebody (woman, 50-ish) suddenly asked me to come to her & prayed for me. Her name is Sylvana (not sure how to spell), and I told her about spiritual partner that I’ve been looking for, to help me grow spiritually in Groningen. I don’t know why I cried, but then she prayed for me about things that's been bothering my heart. She spoke and answered all doubts I have in mind. She said: girl, don’t be afraid. Today I pray to God to show me who I can pray for, and He brings you to me. I’ve been in your boat, but when you read your bible, speak with your own mouth, believe what God is saying to you, and write down. When I see my life now, it’s truly a life that i’ve been praying. Now that I have a faithful husband who diligently teach my children. I gave birth on my second child at the age of 43, when I think I would never have one. I’m here for you, call me anytime you need, I might not be able to come to church every week, because I work in the hospital. I also live in Assen, how can I help you then let’s go talking to Sampson so you can join homegroup.

So last Tuesday, I started join homegroup. Such an eye opening experience to see young people talking about God, based on what the bible said, proactively answering questions, leading and praying. I feel like God wants me to continue what He did to me through Lifegroup in Karawaci. I pray that this can be a new platform for me to grow in Him. 

It is always a temptation to not come to homegroup, I can always find excuses (like being sick), but I think if God say something else, His will be done is (way stronger than my own desires to come home and do my own thing). And He is always right, I came for the second time. It was Kyriakos, Mike, Esther, Nat (the leader), Maike, Eliza, Coleman and me. We talked about Romans 8:28 that in all things God works for those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose, then about predestination & all. But over all my heart is full because I feel like a find a new family again. We worship, we prayed, we ate, we drank tea, we paired up for weeks to keep accountable. My first one is Nat then next week I’ll pair with Maike and Shioban (I love how Maike always say: hi Daddy, everytime she starts a prayer, I feel so close to God). Such a memorable night, we hug each other when we come and we’re about to leave like we’ve known for so long. Truly, for one only reason: Chris, the Perfect Father have loved us first. Imagine if I’m not following God’s will, I surely will miss out His blessing. Can’t wait for the next home group, cause we’ll have potluck <3.</p>

 At that moment I know that God continue to pursue us when we feel like far from Him. And he does answer prayer. From Sylvana, she mentioned some verses from Isaiah. And so then on I read Isaiah, and it has been blessed me.

By reflecting like this, I learn how to pour out my heart to God, point out what is necessary for me to think about and trying to be more honest to The Good & Perfect Father. I learn about His holiness and His mercy, that He will cover me no matter what, because I am confident that I matters to Him. So autumn, I’m ready to show you that my God’s power is bigger than your storm. Love you, God xo

ps: Mba Sisca & fam is home, she made me ginger+lemongrass  hot drink & bakwan delivered to my door. Isn’t she the most awesome gift from above? Nobody even serve me that back home. So thank you Daddy, for sending Mba Sisca & fam into my life. And big shout for Ci Riana, for giving last-minute-yet-the-most-precious-gifts VITAMIN & ECHINACEA #lifesaver #madememisshome