#because like even if she has been guilty of avoiding thinking about her dead friends/parents/enemies because it comes bundled with feelings

[wildstar25]

MiqoMarch Day 20 - Memory

Rare is it to see you so shaken. I can only imagine what thoughts must be consuming you at this moment, my love.

[matbaerzal]

Agree To Disagree | M. Barzal

Summary: Mat isn’t really an animal person, but his new neighbour loves dogs.  A/N: This all started when Mat said he didn’t like small annoying dogs, and I wrote a post joking about an “enemies to lovers” fic, and then I actually started writing it and it got way out if hand..  Warnings: PUPPIES!! accidental slowburn, awkward silences. a very non specific timeline (?) Words: 5,5K Copyright © @matbaerzal 2020 All Rights Reserved Tagging: @bluebarriemuzzins​ @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69​ @zuucc​ because why not??

When you first saw your new neighbour you were intrigued. He was wearing a suit, looking important, he gave you a polite smile as he walked past you. He was handsome, and he held the elevator door for one of the movers that was going down to get more of your belongings. It seemed like the two of you would get along as neighbours. Unfortunately first impressions aren’t always right.

When Mat first saw you he was intrigued. You were carrying boxes, moving into the apartment across the hall from his. You looked tired, but you had a smile on your face nonetheless. You were wearing an old The Office t-shirt, so you had that in common. You were really polite to the movers helping you. His first impression of you was that he’d get along well with you. Unfortunately first impressions aren’t always right.

You were by no means new to New York, you’d grown up in Manhattan, and as you were looking for a new apartment, you happened to find the perfect place in Brooklyn. It was close to your new job, had a nice kitchen and most important, they allowed pets in the building. Your old building had a strict no pets policy, and Zoe, your Golden Retriever, had to stay with your parents. Now, she could finally move in with you, and you could open your home to shelter dogs too.

You loved dogs more than anything in the world, so to be able to foster dogs and help them find loving homes had been a dream of yours for a long time. You got in touch with the local shelter even before you moved in, because you were so excited. Your job as a writer for a magazine luckily allowed you to work from home a few days a week, so you could spend as much time as possible with the dogs.

---

The second time you see your new neighbour is the day Zoe finally moves in with you. It’s also the first time you actually speak to him. You were about to take Zoe for a walk around her new neighbourhood when he exits his apartment, he’s wearing casual clothing this time around. Zoe is a well behaved girl, but she can be very curious so when a stranger joins you in the elevator it’s natural she wants to introduce herself. You don’t expect everyone to be a dog person so you hold her back until you see him smile at her as he walks into the elevator. Much like anyone else, he greets Zoe before he introduces himself to you.

“Hello” he says in that high pitched voice most people get when they see a cute dog, he reaches his hand out for her to sniff it before looking up at you. “Hey, you’re my new neighbour” he says matter-of-factly. “Hi, yeah” you say, reaching out your hand telling him your name as you shake hands. “I’m Mat, who’s this?” he says, referring to the dog before scratching her behind the ear. “This is Zoe” you laugh as the elevator dings and the doors open. Your interaction is cut short as you exit your building, going in separate ways, giving each other polite smiles. “I’ll see you around,” he says.

Bruiser

After living in your new building for two weeks your paperwork to start fostering dogs is finally done and approved. Your main job would be to socialize the dogs and make them ready for adoption. The first dog you take in is a little chihuahua named Bruiser, you and Zoe have met him a couple times at the shelter, and you’ve been told he’s usually not too fond of strangers.

You walk into your building with Bruiser in your arms. As the doors are about to close you see Mat enter the building, his steps rushing towards you. You hold the door for him, and he gives you a small smile. “Thank you” he says, before looking down at Bruiser, the expression on his face unreadable.

“What happened to Zoe?” he asks eyeing Bruiser suspiciously. “Oh I left her at home whilst I was picking up this guy” you say lifting the little dog up slightly. “This is Bruiser, Bruiser, this is Mat, our neighbour” you say. That’s when the elevator dings and the doors open, Mat shoots out and into the hallway, suddenly in a rush. “See you later” he throws over his shoulder, he unlocks his door and then he’s gone. “That was a bit strange, huh?” you look down at Bruiser, walking over to your apartment door

You go about your day, forgetting your interaction with Mat. Spending the day introducing Bruiser to his new temporary home, and for the most part it goes really well. You notice he has a tendency of barking and getting restless whenever he hears something outside your door, so you take note of that, so you can work on making him more used to unfamiliar noises.

---

A couple weeks later, Bruiser has already improved a little, he’s much less timid and has even made some friends in the dog park you liked going to. You’re about to take him and Zoe there, and you see Mat in the elevator. You make eye contact with him, so you’re hoping he’ll hold the door for you. His eyes shoot open when he sees the little chihuahua and instead he presses the button to make the doors close. You frown, looking down at your dogs, “that was a bit rude, no?” you say. You think, maybe he was in a hurry, or maybe he accidentally pressed the wrong button.

The next few weeks, similar things happen and he keeps avoiding you. Barely says hi to you in the hallway, and on the rare occasion that you’re actually in the elevator together he is practically pressed into the corner, his head buried in his phone. You’re not one to impose yourself on someone who obviously doesn’t want to be around you, so you start avoiding him too. If you’re about to leave and you hear him in the hallway you wait until you can’t hear him anymore before you leave.

Your co-worker had mentioned her aunt was interested in adopting a dog. And eventually Bruiser moves out of your apartment. You’d grown fond of him, so obviously you're a bit sad as you make your way home with Zoe next to you. You don’t even notice Mat walking up to the elevator as you’re stood there trying not to cry. The doors almost close before he stretches his hand out to stop it. “Are you avoiding me or something?” Mat says with a laugh, a little out of breath. You frown, it’s your first time interaction in who-knows-how-many weeks. “Me? Avoiding you?” you scoff

The doors close and an awkward silence fills the space between you. Zoe stays by your side, pressing her head into your hand. You can see Mat looking at you in the corner of your eye. “Where’s the little one? Bruce?” he asks, his tone cautious. You look up at him and so does Zoe, a scowl on both your faces, and as if the universe was on your side that’s when the elevator dings and the doors open on your floor. “His name is Bruiser, and why do you care?” you snap and stomp out. You quickly find your key and get into your apartment before he can even react.

A few more weeks go by and you notice Mat isn’t trying to avoid you anymore, though he never says more than a small hi to you and he almost always looks a bit guilty. You still try to avoid him sometimes, you’re not sure why. Maybe it’s the inevitable awkward silence that follows whenever you see him. Maybe you’re a bit embarrassed by how you snapped at him when he asked about Bruiser. All you know is that sometimes you like to check if you see or hear him in the hallway before you leave your apartment.

Stella

The next dog you take in is a Beagle, Stella, she doesn’t bark as much as Bruiser, but she growls if you approach her when she’s eating or playing with a toy. She’s also been known to bite if she gets cornered. She’s warmed up to you and Zoe a bit more, but she’s still cautious around other people.

You’re out walking the dogs when it starts raining, you’d been to the dog park to try and socialize Stella. The weather had been really nice when you left, so it catches you off guard.

You try to find cover under a tree in the park, but you’re still getting some rain on you. Your building is about a 10 minute walk away so you’re dreading the thought of having to walk that far in the pouring rain.

Just when you start considering just running for it, a car pulls up next to you. The window opens and there’s Mat with a worried look on his face. “Hey, do you need a ride home?” he shouts through the rain. You look around weighing your options, ultimately you look back at him and nod. Sprinting over to the car, he gets out and opens the door for Zoe to get in the backseat and you run to the other side, picking up Stella before getting in the passenger seat. You sigh out a breath as you close the door, “thanks” you huff out, trying to get Stella to settle in your lap.

You see Mat in the corner of your eye looking at Stella for a moment before he starts driving towards your building. “You replaced Bruiser pretty quickly, huh?” Mat says and you see him instantly cringe after the words leave his mouth. “What do you mean?” you frown at him, “shit, I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just you got a new dog, and it’s not long ago that Bruiser, you know-” he trails off at the end, leaving you confused. “You know-, what?” you ask him to clarify, “died” he almost whispers. 

You laugh in surprise, “Bruiser’s not dead, he got adopted” you say. “What do you mean adopted, wasn’t he yours?” he asks, glancing over at you before looking back at the road. “No, I was just fostering him, like I’m fostering Stella here” you say, Stella is still wiggling in your lap.

There’s a moment of silence before Mat speaks up again, “are you fostering Zoe too?” he says. “No, I’ve had Zoe for about 5 years now” you say just as he pulls into your building's parking garage. He parks and turns the engine off, but just as you touch the door handle he turns to you.

“So, just to be clear, the chihuahua and Stella aren’t yours?” he says. “Not really, no” you say, “you sound very relieved by that” you laugh. “I’m not really an animal person, especially small overly energetic dogs, I don’t like those” he says, eyeing Stella who, to prove his point, is still trying to wiggle out of your lap. “Zoe is great though” he rushes to add. “You’re just saying that to be nice now” you tease him. “No! No, I really don’t mind Zoe” he says and you hum, you don’t really believe him.

As if she could understand what you were saying Zoe suddenly sticks her head in between your seats making Mat jump. You roll your eyes at him with a smile on your face as you open the door. You keep a hold of Stella as you get Zoe from the backseat, walking over to the elevator where Mat is standing waiting for it to arrive. Silence fills the space between the two of you and you can’t help but think this was a one time thing, after this you’ll go back to the awkward silences.

The doors open and you internally cringe as you steal glances at each other and he motions for you to go in first. The doors close and Mat presses the button to your floor, the moment just before the elevator starts going up feels like an eternity. You clear your throat “thanks again for the ride” you say “and sorry if your car smells like wet dog for a few days” you add with a small laugh as Stella squirms in your arms. “It’s no problem, really” he says, and the space is filled with silence yet again. 

The elevator comes to stop as you reach your floor, the doors open and you step out, Zoe following after you, you finally put Stella down and she tries to pull you towards your door. You laugh at her, but follow after her regardless.

Mat walks a few steps behind you and speaks up again just as you reach your door. “I’ve been kind of a shit neighbour, haven’t I?” he admits, you turn around to face him, not sure how to reply. “I swear I wasn’t avoiding you, I just- Chihuahuas and I don’t get along” he says and you can’t help but laugh out loud. “You avoided me because of the dogs?” you say and Stella pouts and scratches at your door with a small bark. Mat looks at her pointedly as to say see what I mean?.

Ignoring his look you quickly open the door so Stella can go inside, Zoe calmly follows after her. “I realized how stupid I was being after a week, but I guess I’d started a pattern and I didn’t know how to break out of it” he says, his hand scratching the back of his neck. “Maybe we could start over? Could I make up for being a bad neighbour somehow?” he says. You take a moment to think before you get an idea, “you could help me with Stella, come with me on walks and all that” you reply. For a brief moment you see regret in his eyes before he swallows it, “yeah, sure” he says hesitantly.

“Are you free tomorrow?” you smirk at him and he shakes his head, “I’m actually going away for a couple days for, uh-, work” he says. A pang of disappointment hits you, so much for making it up to you. “I’m back again on Thursday, though” he rushes when he sees the expression on your face that you failed to hide. You hesitate for a moment before nodding, “I can do Thursday”. You hear a suspicious noise from inside your apartment, “I should-” you say pointing behind you. “Yeah, I’ll see you Thursday” he says and starts walking backwards towards his door with a wave goodbye.

---

Thursday arrives before you know it, and you realized you never set a time to meet up. Around 3PM you decide to just go over with Zoe and Stella and knock on his door. He opens his door almost immediately, already dressed to go out. “Hey, you going somewhere?” you say, “I was just about to go knock on your door actually” he chuckles. You smile and offer Stella’s leash to him, he eyes it sceptically, you roll your eyes at him “fine, you can take Zoe” you laugh.

You get to the park pretty quickly, on the way Mat explains what he does for a living, and you realize that’s why he’s away a lot. Once you get there you tell Mat to let Zoe off her leash, and he looks towards you. “What about Stella?” he says, “she’s got a tendency to get territorial, and could bite if someone tries to take something from her” you say and Mat takes a small step away from you and you laugh a little at his reaction. “My job is to help her get out of her bad habits, so that someone will adopt her” you explain.

“You get paid to do that?” he asks, and you shake your head “no, I volunteer”. He looks at you with wonder in his eyes. Zoe comes running back to you carrying a stick, instead of going to you she surprises you and goes to Mat. With the way he acts around Zoe you would have never guessed his dislike for small dogs. He fakes his throw once before throwing the stick as far as he can, Zoe runs to get it back.

The following weeks he comes with you for walks whenever he can, and Stella takes a liking to him, much to his dismay. You could see Stella get more and more comfortable around strangers, and she doesn’t put up much of a fight when you want her to let go of a toy. You’re comfortable enough to let her off the leash at the park now, and she plays catch with Zoe without any conflict. Whenever Mat comes with you to the park Stella refuses to play with you,  it’s as if she can read his mind and she’s doing it just to annoy him.

---

It’s getting warmer out so you and Mat decide to pack lunches with you and spend the day at the park together. He’s become a regular part of your life now, and the time you were ignoring each other seems like an alternate reality. You’d even caught a few of his games from the comfort of your living room and whenever the camera closed in on him your dogs would perk up and look at the TV. Sitting close to him on your picnic blanket, leaning your head on his shoulder whilst watching the dogs, feels natural.

“Do you want to come see the game on Sunday? We’re playing the Rangers” Mat says out of the blue and you lift your head off his shoulder to look at him, “I’d love that” you say with a smile. “Cool” he says and leaves it at that. “Cool” you say laughing at him, “It’s just, everyone wants to meet my cute neighbour” he says and you swear you see a small blush on his cheeks. “Cute neighbour, huh? You invited Mrs. Davis too?” you tease, referring to the sweet old lady living a couple floors down from you. He breathes out a small laugh and looks down, definitely blushing this time. “Oh yeah, she’s a huge hockey fan” he laughs. You shove your shoulder against his lightly, “she’s probably only in it for the cute players though” you say.

The flirting wasn’t entirely new, but your heart beat still raised whenever he used his charms on you. And you always felt nervous whenever you would flirt back, but you couldn’t help yourself. You were too in your own bubble to notice the change of the weather and when the first couple rain drops fall on you it catches you completely off guard. You quickly gather your things and call the dogs over. The second you get the leashes on the sky opens up, and Mat grabs your hand with his free one and drags you to the nearest tree.

The tree doesn’t give you much cover, it’s barely even enough for one person. He sets the picnic basket down and pulls you close so you don’t get rain on you. “I can’t save you with my car this time” he laughs as you’re both looking around at the downpour. When you look back at each other you realize how close the two of you are, chest to chest, his arm tightly around your waist. A couple of hair strands are stuck to his forehead and you instinctively move your free hand to brush them away, your cheeks going warm as you do, resting your hand on his shoulder afterwards.

Mat is studying your face, as if he’s looking for something. Stella, ever so mischievously pulls on your leash bringing you impossibly closer to each other. You’d looked at his lips before, but they had never seemed as inviting as they do now. Mat takes a breath before he leans in, your noses brushing together as he hesitates in his actions. You move your hand to his neck as you lean into him closer, closing your eyes as you take a deep breath. The world stands still and it seems like you stay like that, lips almost touching, forever. Until, Stella pulls on your leash again, this time pulling you away from Mat.

You almost drop the leash from the pull, and you have to move yourself away from Mat completely to settle her down. You hear Mat swear under his breath and he’s scowling at Stella when you look back at him. You give him a sympathetic smile before turning back around to calm Stella down. The rain doesn’t last long, and you start making your way home, keeping the conversation to a minimum, the air between you filled with disappointment because of a ruined moment.

---

Mat leaves for a road trip the day after, and when he comes by to say goodbye he hugs you a bit longer than normal, and your eyes linger a bit longer before he walks down the hallway to the elevator. You know you won’t be able to see him until Sunday at the game and time moves so slowly the days leading up to it. You text back and forth a little, but neither of you mention your almost kiss. You can’t stop thinking about it though, and you keep wondering if he’s thinking about it too, but you’re too afraid to actually ask him.

He’d texted you where to go, and you’d heard enough about the other players girlfriends to not be so nervous as you go to find your seat at the arena. You’d gotten Amy, a friend from work, to look after the dogs in your apartment, just to be safe. Just as you’re looking down at your tickets to check if you’re in the right section you hear an unfamiliar voice speak up, “are you here for Barzy?”. You look up to see a blonde woman looking at you with a smile, “he did invite me, yes” you stutter shyly.

You learn her name is Grace and she takes it upon herself to introduce you to all the other girls. Your first observation is that watching a hockey game on your TV is very very different from seeing it in person. Sure, you would celebrate some goals in your living room, but not like this. You blame it on the atmosphere, but you have to admit to yourself that you were enjoying yourself. The game was tied for most of the third period, and after the Rangers scored a flukey goal near the end, the Isles weren't able to respond.

It’s quiet between you and the girls as you walk to where you’re meeting Mat and the rest. His hair is still damp, a frown on his face, and there are a few strands of hair stuck to his forehead, bringing you back to the moment in the park. Your heartbeat speeds up as he meets your eyes, he gives you a small tired smile. He stops in front of you, a respectable distance away, you take another step towards him and he looks relieved when you do. Before he can say anything, who you assume to be Anthony steps up next to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. “This must be that cute neighbour” he says with a smirk, making Mat blush.

Mat introduces the two of you as you make your way towards where their cars are parked. You’d taken public transport to the arena and Mat was “obviously driving you home”. You say goodbye to everyone before getting into the car. On the way home you talk about the game and the past couple days. You tell him a couple people have shown interest in adopting Stella, and you can see in his eyes that he’s not as excited as he pretends to be.

As you’re walking up to the elevator your hand brushes against his accidentally, but he takes a hold of it, without saying a word. In the elevator you lean into his side and he puts his arm around your shoulder, without saying a word. It’s a comfortable silence, but it leaves your mind running. The feeling of his thumb rubbing back and forth on your shoulder making you warm. Wishing you’d just went for it in the park, wishing you knew how his lips felt against yours. You’ll kiss him tonight when he says goodnight, you think.

His arm stays around your shoulder, your arm around his waist, as you walk down the hallway and to your door. He turns to face you as you arrive, keeping the embrace you’re in. “Thanks for coming tonight” he murmurs, his hand moving down your arm, he goes to take a step away, but your arm on his waist urges him to stay. “Thanks for inviting me,” you say. The moment feels oh so familiar as he studies your face, his eyes finally landing on your lips as you lean in even closer. Your noses brush against each other as you close your eyes. Then, just as you're about to lean in the rest of the way, Amy opens the door.

She swears, and you break apart from each other as she apologizes, going back into your apartment. Again, the moment is ruined and Mat clears his throat awkwardly, your whole body is flush with warmth. Amy emerges again, her movements sneaky, “dogs are sleeping, see you at work” she says in a hushed voice, she looks at Mat and gives him an awkward smile. “Nice to meet you” she says, before walking fast over to the elevator, pressing the button several times before the doors open.

The comfortable silence the two of you had earlier is now filled with frustration, and when you hear an unidentified noise from your apartment you know there’s no saving the moment. You can’t help but groan, “it’s ok” Mat says, giving you a sympathetic smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch?” he asks, “yeah” you say, hesitating as you open the door behind your back. Mat takes a few steps backwards towards his door. “Good night” you say in unison before slowly getting into your apartments.

Stella runs up to you as you lean against the door, leaning your head backwards hitting the door with a thud. You flinch slightly and swear under your breath at the impact, your hand going up to rub the back of your head before leaning down to Stella. Zoe is peacefully asleep in her bed as you enter your bedroom. You put Stella back in her crate, figuring Amy must not have closed it properly before she left.

As you go back out to the kitchen to get some water there’s a soft knock on your door. You furrow your brows, wondering who it could be, before going over and opening the door. Before you know it Mat is pushing you back into your apartment and against the wall next to the door, he stops for a moment as he’s leaning in before shaking his head, “fuck it” he mumbles. Then, his lips are finally on yours, his hand on your waist pulling you closer as you kiss him back.

 One of your hands grip his arm, the other hand moves to his neck, threading your fingers through his hair. His lips soft, moving against yours as you get lost in each other. He breaks the kiss, letting you catch your breaths for a moment before he leans in and gives you another short, firm kiss.

His forehead rests against yours and you feel his lips break into a smile before you open your eyes, leaning back a little to meet his eyes. “I couldn’t wait any longer,” he grins, his voice hushed. You bite your lip as you look up at him, breathing out a laugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow” he repeats his words from earlier and you nod eagerly, leaning up to give him another brief kiss, not able to help yourself. He chases your lips as you lean back again, he breathes out a laugh before forcing himself away from you, grinning as he walks back to his apartment.

---

He greets you with a kiss and a blush the next day when he meets you at a cafe after his morning skate. It feels a lot like a first date to you, but you’re not sure what he wants or what this means to him. “Is this our first date?” you burst out and he looks surprised for a second as he looks up from the menu. “I’d say we’re way past our first date, no?” he smirks making your cheeks flush with color. 

“Yeah?” you manage to let out and he reaches his hand over the table finding yours. “All those walks in the park- do you really think I’d put up with Stella if it weren’t for you?” he jokes making you roll your eyes. “I’m trying to be serious here” you laugh. “Well, I seriously really like you” he smiles, his eyes genuine making your cheeks even redder. “I really like you too” you shyly admit.

On your way back to the apartment after lunch, he holds your hand, his thumb rubbing back and forth on your skin. He’ll be going away for another few days tomorrow, so you make plans to have dinner together when he comes back. You tell him you’re meeting a potential couple to adopt Stella, and he goes a bit quiet.

When he’s been gone three days you’ve met Stella’s potential new parents, and made your decision. You call him right after you’ve dropped her off at her new home, and he’s sweet about it. You wonder if you hear some sadness in his voice, but you don’t ask him about it. 

He keeps the focus on making you feel better. When he comes home he gives you a long crushing hug, and when you’re in the kitchen getting you something to drink you overhear him talking to Zoe. “I miss the little bother, too” he whispers as she cuddles closer to him on your couch.

Zoe

A few weeks later you’re in the park with Mat and Zoe. You’d been there for a few hours already, Zoe was taking a little break, lying peacefully next to you and Mat. You’re seated between his legs and resting your head on his chest, the sound of birds chirping and people having fun filling the space. 

You’d teased him about wearing shorts when you left, but now, as you’re running your hand mindlessly up and down his thighs, you’re grateful for his choice. Eyes closed, basking in the sun, you can't help but hum in content as he kisses your shoulder. You automatically lean your head to the side as he kisses up your neck.

“Do you think it’s going to rain later?” he murmurs, and you hum in a questioning tone, “Wouldn’t mind a redo on our first almost kiss” he speaks against your neck, leaving another kiss there as you laugh. You lean forward a little to look back at him and he’s got a content smile on his face. He leans in and kisses your lips, not able to help himself. You smile into the kiss, “If I remember correctly, we were under that tree over there, not on the picnic blanket” you tease. He raises his eyebrows before getting up, offering his hand to you.

Zoe picks her head up as Mat drags you up, leading you over to the tree. His arms wrap tightly around your waist, pulling you close to him. You hum as you move your hand to brush away hair from his forehead that isn’t even there before moving to his neck. 

Mat leans in, brushing your noses together stopping just before your lips touch, your eyes closing as you stay like that for a moment. Then you thread your fingers through his hair at his neck pulling him the rest of the way. The world melts away as your lips touch, your heart beating rapidly in your chest. You’re left breathless as you pull away, smiles plastered on your faces. He gives you another short kiss before leading you back to the blanket.

You sit just like you were previously, your head resting on his chest, hands on his thighs. You sit in silence watching Zoe play around with a little chihuahua. “There’s a new dog at the shelter that needs a foster home” you tell him with a smirk. “Please don’t say it’s a chihuahua” he groans, you laugh barely able to finish your sentence “No, don’t worry, it’s a Pomeranian” you say, making Mat groan even louder.

[taiblogcomics]

Trials and Tribulations

Hey there, pyramids in sweaters. It's a new year, my friends. New year, same old crap. New year, still New 52. I guess that's the gist of it. We're getting pretty close to done with Teen Titans (if you want a countdown, we are in fact at five remaining issues, including today's), but there's still oh so much more we can look at~

Here's the cover:

These covers are all just really blending together nowadays, aren't they? This is also just such a '90s cover. You got the team shot, everybody's scowling, somebody's dead or unconscious, there's guns, smoke is covering everything to avoid making any backgrounds... Yeah, we're back in the Dark Age. Slap Youngblood's logo on top, and would you even be able to tell? Well, maybe by the body proportions being better... That's the one saving grace between this and actual Dark Age '90s comics~

So, last time we found out Kid Flash's whole backstory as an orphan and teenage terrorist, and I don't think the team took it well. I know I didn't. So we join Solstice up on the roof moping about it. She recounts her own backstory to Tim Drake (it's like Discount Flashback Warehouse up in here), but what it boils down to is that she regrets having her powers because she's not out using them to make people's lives better. And honestly, while Tim disagrees that they're doing something important, I gotta say that, yeah, they haven't done much heroic in all the issues I've read~

And while they're bonding over the rather concerning notion that Solstice wishes she'd died in the Culling--nope, no time to deal with that, the politicians are showing up for Kid Flash's trial. Kid Flash himself is locked up, and he and Cassie have a chat. And what that boils down to is that Kid Flash doesn't think he did anything wrong (the classic "I was a soldier in a war" defense) but also that Cassie has to pick a side sooner or later. Seems a little contradictory, but so does this whole story~

And since we gotta touch base with all the characters (I say "all" the characters like Bunker and Beast Boy haven't been missing since this whole debacle began), we get a glimpse of Jon Kent, still pretending to be Superboy. He's playing along with the ruse for now, mostly because since they're in the future, they might have a cure for some condition he has. All the meanwhile, he keeps treating us to though balloons where he says one thing to agree with Tim Drake, while he's really thinking "You have no idea how much I want to snap all your necks". It's just so edgy and so tiresome.

Brain-3, which is still a dumb name, comes to collect them for the trial and leads them to seating. And if you've seen any sci-fi trial, you know exactly what it's like. Three judges, represented by holographic mouths, Kid Flash in shackles in the middle of an arena on a floating platform, all that stuff. The judges recap the premise for us, and they ask Kid Flash how he pleads. He responds that they've got it wrong. He was never a freedom fighter for himself, or his people, or even that his parents were killed. He's in it only for justice, and for that, he's guilty as hell.

And that's when the other shoe drops.

An explosion goes off, and Cassie barely has time to rescue the judges. The guards in the prison down below are actually traitors, and they teleport the restraints off Kid Flash and arm the prisoners. All of this, the whole time, Kid Flash has been biding his time so he could get close to these law-makers and continue his revolution. Tim Drake replies that he's not going to let Kid Flash kill a bunch of people, regardless of what they did to him. And the comic ends with Kid Flash deciding the Titans are now his enemy too, ordering his followers to kill them all.

So, yeah. Your final villain for this last arc of Teen Titans comics is going to be Kid Flash himself. How does that feel? I hope it feels like a slap in the face, because that’s exactly what this is. This is straight up awful. Like, you could’ve held out hope for something in the previous issues, but turning Kid Flash into the villain is where the series died for me. I don’t care that there’s four issues left--and we will get to those--there’s no redeeming this any longer.

[hailing-stars]

@febuwhump day 9: buried alive 

BURIED ALIVE

“So, while we’re just hanging out in the bathroom,” says Tony. Peter’s head hangs over the toilet, and he shuts his eyes tight, willing Tony to stop talking. “I thought we could chat.”

“Maybe that can wait,” says Peter, dryly, and miserably. “Until, I dunno, I’m done puking my guts out.”

“It’s waited long enough. Besides, you never call me back, and you won’t talk to your aunt.”

OR

Peter's guilt over a recent run in with Mysterio literally makes him sick.

BURIED ALIVE flashes in neon letters across the screen, the techno theme music plays, and Peter’s eyes glaze over. He’s officially entered The Zone, and there’s no pulling him out of it until his character dies or he achieves the highest honor, a score enormous enough to knock MQB off the hall of fame.

His hand clutches the joystick, and his fingers glide across the buttons, and he can feel Ned staring at him, but it doesn’t distract him from the current mission.

It doesn’t help him, either.

This game ends exactly the same way every game before it had, on level five, when he’s only points away from taking first place away from MQB.

He sighs, and reaches a hand in his pocket, searching for more tokens but finding it empty.

“Shit,” says Peter. “I’m out of tokens.”

“Again?” asks Ned. “How many times have you played this? Exactly?”

“I dunno, not that much.”

Ned doesn’t look like he believes him. He looks worried, and Peter tries to shove the annoyance he feels deep, deep down.

He wishes people would stop looking at him that way. Like he’s just one fall away from breaking and shattering in a way that’d leave his pieces uneven and unfit to be put back together the correct way, the uniquely Peter-way.

“Maybe we should do something else,” says Ned. “Go to a movie, or pick up that limited edition Star Wars set?”

It’s tempting, and Peter wants to go, wants to be anyplace but this arcade, going to war with himself over a some stupid high score on some arcade machine. An environment without all the flashing lights, screaming children, and annoying game music would be a nice change in pace, but he can’t.

He has to stay. Until he’s won. Until he wipes that name off the charts and replaces it with his own.

“I need more tokens,” says Peter, as a way of answer. He hopes the way his voice sounds like a zombie will go ignored.

He walks past Ned, and heads towards the token machine, dodging running, shouting kids on his way. He fumbles around with his wallet, until he finds the credit card Tony had given him for emergencies. Not for the first time, he swipes it at the token machine and receives a hundred new chances to defeat his enemy.

If that isn’t an emergency, Peter doesn’t know what’s supposed to make that list.

When he turns, he comes face to face with Ned.

“Dude,” he says. “Maybe you should take a break. Have you even eaten dinner yet?”

His stomach growls at the mention of food, and his eyes automatically drift towards the restaurant installed into the arcade. He supposes Ned has a point. He can afford to stop his gaming long enough to scarf down some pizza.

“Yeah, okay, good idea.”

Relief washes through Ned’s features, and Peter’s stabbed with guilt. It attacks him from all angles.

He’s guilty for worrying his friends, and his family, and guilty because he doesn’t know how to stop. He’s guilty of the wave of crime overtaking Queens now that Spider-Man has abandoned it, in favor of standing still at an arcade game.

Guilty for that thing he doesn’t allow himself to think about.

Most of all, he’s guilty, because instead of working towards wiping away the current charts on BURIED ALIVE, he’s sitting at a table eating pizza, wasting time.

*

Drops of sweat trickle down his forehead, and a shiver runs through his body.

And he tries ignoring it, the way his stomach is heavy, and cramping, and the way his body is just begging him to take a seat, close his eyes, or more pressing, run to the bathroom and shove his head in a toilet.

But he doesn’t, because he can’t. Because he’s just so damn close.

When game over flashes across the screen, he slams his fist down. He considers what might happen if he didn’t hold back his strength, if he just destroyed the machine right then and there.

“Peter?”

He stared at the screen., refusing to look away.

“You’re not looking so great, kid.” Tony’s hand comes up from behind him, and presses down on his sweaty forehead. “Yep, that’s a fever.”

“Mr. Stark,” says Peter. “What are you doing here?”

“Ned called me,” he tells him. “He was really worried, and so am I.”

Tony wipes the sweat off his hand and into the insides of his suit jacket.

It’s the first time in awhile Peter takes his eyes away from the screen, and the room blurs. All the flashing, neon lights merge together. All the kids, teens, parents combine into one collective shout that threatens to make his ears bleed. The arcade tilts, and the knot in his stomach is pulled tighter.

“I need to get outta here,” says Peter, a shake in his voice.

“Then come on,” says Tony.

He grabs him by the arm, and leads him through the jungle of prize hungry children, beeping game machines, and parents trying to ignore it all.

Fresh, cold air hits Peter’s face when they step outside the door, and he breaths it in, then he bends over and pukes in the on the sidewalk while strangers watch in disgust, while Tony rubs his back, and while the paparazzi snaps photos of Iron Man comforting some poor, sick kid.

*

“So, while we’re just hanging out in the bathroom,” says Tony. Peter’s head hangs over the toilet, and he shuts his eyes tight, willing Tony to stop talking. “I thought we could chat.”

“Maybe that can wait,” says Peter, dryly, and miserably. “Until, I dunno, I’m done puking my guts out.”

“It’s waited long enough. Besides, you never call me back, and you won’t talk to your aunt.”

It just figures. That there’s so avoiding it now. That there��s not even a proper distraction to keep him from the things he’s not trying to think about.

That day comes back to him and hits him with full force, as if were angry Peter had been suppressing it.

His memories are pulled backwards to Mysterio’s twisted game. That dull, grey day the fishbowl guy taunted him with a devastating choice, save May fall from a skyscraper, or save a stranger from suffocating six feet under the earth.

His failure flashes across his mind.

He’d thought he could save both, but he’d still made the decision to go after May first. Once she was safe on the ground, he had bolted to the burial site, only to dig up a man who was already dead.

He’s selfish, and he’s sad. All this bad will stirs his stomach enough to force his head back in the toilet to throw up some more.

Tony rubs his back until he’s finished with his gagging. He puts the toilet lid down, and flushes, and he leans against the toilet, weak and wanting the pain in his stomach to ease so he can sleep and not exist for awhile.

So he can continue avoiding the conversation Tony keeps trying to force him to have.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” says Tony. “That fucking psychopath created that situation to fuck with your head.”

“But I’m Spider-Man,” says Peter. “I should’ve been able to deal with it, without - someone dying.”

“Can’t save them all, kid. No matter how hard you try.”

It’s as if Tony’s words bounce off him. He hears them, but he doesn’t. They don’t sink in. He won’t allow them to, and it’s as if Tony hadn’t spoken at all.

“Suppose I deserve this,” says Peter. “Feeling this way.”

He isn’t sure if he means the stomach cramps, or the guilt, or both, but the alarm that flashes across Tony’s face only makes the stabbing pains worse.

“You only deserve good things, Pete,” he says. “I don’t know how to convince you to believe it.”

*

When he opens his eyes the next morning, his stomach is peaceful, but his memories are hazy. They exist, just vaguely.

And it’s better that way, really. Puking and crying on the bathroom floor while Tony held him and told him it would be okay weren’t exactly his finest hours. Peak teenage embarrassment that he hopes will go forgotten, or at least unmentioned, in future conversation.

He’s ready to crawl and hide under the covers when the guest room door creaks open, but he stays visible when he sees it’s just his Aunt May walking through the doorway, carrying crackers and a mini bottle of Sprite.

“I hear you had a rough night,” she tells him. She puts the sick people snacks on the nightstand. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better.”

May’s face folds into disbelief, and Peter releases a breath, realizing there’s no avoiding it anymore. Not after last night.

“I’m sorry, May.”

“About what?”

“About Mysterio.”

She sits on his bed, and takes his hand. “From what Tony’s told me, you’re tired of hearing it, but I’m going to stress again that that wasn’t your fault and you will not accept responsibility for what some demented man cooked up in his free time, okay?”

“But May -”

“If someone asked me to choose between my own life and somebody else’s,” she starts. “You know I would choose theirs. We’re Parkers, and that’s what we do, for better or for worse, but if someone forced me to choose between a stranger’s life and yours? Peter, that’s not even a choice, it’s an instinct.”

“But May I should’ve -”

She squeezes his hand, and cuts him off, a second time. “You have to let this go. You weren’t being selfish, and you did everything you could’ve done. It’s not your fault. You didn’t kill anybody.”

Her tone leaves no room for argument, so he doesn’t try. He lets her hug him, and even hugs her back. He even feels a little lighter now that he’s been ordered to move on.

*

Tony’s idea of helping is to throw money at it. He goes to the arcade and pays them a ridiculously large sum of money for the BURIED ALIVE game machine.

It’s sitting in the workshop when Peter arrives for their lab hours, along with giant hammers and other tools of destruction.

“I think they do this in therapy,” says Tony. “Something about getting it all out. Healthy destruction. All that.”

“They let you break things in therapy?” asks Peter, apprehensively taking the hammer from Tony.

He’s gotta admit, he’s warming up to the idea of letting Tony pay for a therapist, even if he knows he only said it for that very reason.

“Sure,” says Tony. “Why not?”

Peter stares at the game. The thing he’d been using to distract himself from his misery. The thing he’d become obsessed with as a way to relive the past, take some control. Of course, getting the highest score would’ve never brought back the man Mysterio killed, but obsessions weren’t exactly rational.

“I have a better idea,” says Peter.

They spent the next few hours taking the game apart, piece by piece, and then, and until late in the night, they use the parts to build a new, better game. Something that Ned has to come over and help them program. Something with a less morbid topic.

And Peter starts to think better, feel better.

There’s something cathartic about taking apart the horrible things and turning them into something new. It’s a breath of fresh air. It’s a sense of hope, for himself, that eventually he’ll be able to take May and Tony’s reassuring words and believe them.

[be11atrixthestrange]

Step 5: Establishing a Relationship

From 12 Fail-Safe Ways To Charm Hermione Granger

Establishing a Relationship

Now that your relationship has begun, you must learn how to truly become a partner. Establishing and maintaining the relationship will require constant work, as both parties will change and evolve through life. However, committing to a growth mindset and learning how to compromise will make the relationship extremely rewarding.

_____________________________

There was a scratching at their bedroom door. Ron looked up from the fifth chapter, Establishing a Relationship, to see an orange paw gently prodding the door open. Crookshanks bounced across the room and hopped into the bed, assertively nudging Ron's hand away from the book.

Five years ago, Ron probably would have pushed the cat off of the bed. Heck, if Hermione was awake right now, he would have done the same. Instead, with a sideways glance beside him to make sure Hermione was soundly sleeping, he moved the book off of his lap so Crookshanks could curl up there instead.

The purring cat melted into Ron's hand as he scratched him behind his ears. "Hey, buddy," said Ron affectionately, as Crookshanks began kneading his shirt with his claws. He rubbed his face against Ron's hand, and Ron moved down the cat's spine, until he stuck his rump straight up in the hair. Cats are weird, he thought.

It had become their little routine. Every time Hermione fell asleep before him, Crookshanks would find his way to Ron to soak up every ounce of affection Ron would give. In the early days of their relationship, Crookshanks didn't want anything to do with him, hissing and swatting when Ron became the focus of Hermione's attention, his competition. When Ron was alone with the cat, or Hermione was asleep, limiting the cat's affection options, Crookshanks slowly warmed up, allowing Ron to pet him for a few minutes at a time. Over time, they had become best friends by night, but played each other's enemy by day. Ron hated to admit how much the creature had grown on him since third year.

Reluctantly becoming a cat dad wasn't the only indicator of their status as boyfriend and girlfriend. Eventually, introducing Hermione as his girlfriend stopped feeling awkward, and he no longer felt the need to casually mention her at work parties, simply so he could practice using the new term. He knew the shift had been made when Hermione received a wedding invitation addressed to both of them by name, rather than the former "Hermione Granger and Guest", and when his mom knit them matching Christmas jumpers one year.

There were simple things he had mastered by becoming involved with a Muggle-born witch. Learning to order food with the telephone, and to pay for it with the correct amount of muggle money was a larger project that he had anticipated- a project fit for a boyfriend-, and nowadays he insisted they order out at least twice a week, because using the phone was so much fun. Although he thought her obsession with true crime shows was mental, he learned how to record them on their television, and he now understood how to navigate the train system that connected their flat with the airport, so he could pick up Hermione's parents when they flew into London for holiday visits.

There were more complicated things too. When he became adept at using the internet and researched the symptoms of a panic attack, he learned that he was supposed to stay calm and promised himself he'd never raise his voice in fear if it ever happened again, and even though he knew it hurt her, she understood that he would never want to celebrate their anniversary because it fell on the same day that Fred died. He learned that they would occasionally screw up, and say the wrong thing, and that sometimes being Ron and Hermione meant that they wouldn't always feel like best friends. But most importantly, he learned that he couldn't push her away during difficult times, especially if he ever expected her to lean on him in return.

******

The morning after the battle, Ron and Hermione, along with Harry and the rest of the Weasleys went back to the Burrow. Even though there were more people than usual at home, the old house still felt unsettlingly empty. At first the only one who reacted to Ron and Hermione's new relationship was Crookshanks, who suddenly had to compete with another man for affection. Otherwise, they did their best not to draw attention to their new status, and Hermione seemed to fade into the background with Harry, while they tried to make themselves helpful guests so the family could grieve and make preparations for the funeral. So as thrilling as it could have been, becoming Ron and Hermione happened at a bad time to assure a smooth transition. Unfortunately, there was no chapter in 12 Fail Safe Ways To Charm Witches about navigating a new relationship while mourning your dead brother.

He didn't feel charming at Fred's funeral, when he sobbed into Hermione's arms, dripping tears and Merlin knows what else into her hair. He had hardly spoken to her or touched her in days. When they managed to find some solitude in his attic bedroom, and he tried to get lost in kissing her, he often became overwhelmed with guilt. He didn't feel charming when he pushed her away, turning his back to her so she didn't see him crying mid-snog, because all he could think about was how his brother would never get to kiss a girl again. He avoided her every time he felt like he was going to cry, because Hermione would try to make him feel better with a hug, and she deserved someone who didn't respond to her touch with anger, grief, and tears. He couldn't avoid her seeing him cry at Fred's funeral, so he sobbed violently against her as she stroked his back, and tried to ignore the small voice in the back of his head that told him he was asking too much from her.

After the ceremony he sat on the dock by the pond, because he couldn't bother to hear anyone's condolences again. She found him there, and nestled up against him, dangling her feet into the water, and didn't say anything. Then he cried again, because she didn't say anything, and that was exactly what he needed.

He never returned to the house that night. He stayed on the dock, Hermione brought him a plate of food, and they ate in silence. The sun set, and she reached into her bag, and pulled out the bottle of firewhiskey that she'd smuggled from the alcohol cabinet in the living room.

He raised his eyebrows when she unscrewed the cap, and took a long sip. She winced as it went down, then handed the bottle to Ron, who did the same. They passed it back and forth wordlessly, until it was dark, and the world was blurry, and his eyes were tapped out of tears. Then he finally talked. Without inhibitions, he told her how guilty he had felt being with her that whole week. He said he'd give anything to go back to the day before Fred died, even though it was before Voldemort was killed, and before they had even kissed. He told her he wasn't sure if he'd ever truly feel happy or complete again. She cried with him, and he was grateful he had someone who was willing to share in his burden. She cast a cushioning charm on the dock, and pulled blankets out of her bag, and they settled into a comfortable embrace before Ron drifted off to sleep, thinking that if he was doomed to a life of unhappiness, at least it would be with Hermione.

He woke the next morning to the blinding sun, a raging headache, and Hermione in his arms. She was awake, and she smiled gently at him when he turned to her.

"Morning," she said softly.

"Morning," he grumbled back. He attempted a smile but it probably looked more like a grimace.

"Do you feel ill?" she asked.

Ron nodded.

Hermione reached into her bag and pulled out a small vial. "This might help."

He uncorked the vial and dumped the pepper up potion into his mouth. It helped immediately. He looked back at Hermione who grinned again, before lovingly tucking his hair behind his ear, the same way he did to her.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" He couldn't help himself asking the question, as he'd been ignoring her, shutting her out for days.

She looked momentarily hurt. "Because I'm your girlfriend," she said, narrowing her eyes. "Aren't I?"

He felt stinging tears and he tugged her close. "Of course you are." She hugged him back, the tears spilled from his eyes, and they felt like Ron and Hermione again. He allowed himself both to cry with her and kiss her, because maybe he could grieve and love at the same time.

No one came looking for them that morning, and for that Ron was thankful. Something about the closure of the funeral, and echo of the word Hermione had used to describe herself, girlfriend, made today feel like the start of a new chapter.

"When are we going to Australia? To find your parents?" he asked her, to be met with a smile and an embrace that he returned with genuine enthusiasm.

******

They took a portkey to Melbourne less than a fortnight later. As a token of thanks for all they'd done to end the war, and his promise of a pardon for any illegal magic performed defensively, Kingsley had arranged for a team of Australian Aurors to help locate her parents. They had done so rather quickly, as there weren't too many recent British expats practicing dentistry in Victoria. Nearly as soon as they arrived, they were given a folder containing the address of their home and dental practice. After renting a hotel room near their St. Kilda residence, the only thing left to do was reverse the memory spell. Ron assumed it would happen the next day, but it didn't.

He was surprised, yet somewhat pleased, at her suggestion to explore the city first. They'd never traveled together for fun so he wasn't going to turn down an opportunity to eat kangaroo burgers by the beach or take a romantic stroll through the botanic gardens. It was actually quite nice to practice acting like a couple in a different country, where no one knew who they were, what they've done, or that they weren't together just a few weeks ago. He could hold her hand, put his arm around her shoulders, or pull her in for a kiss on the pier without worrying about a wolf-whistle from a brother, or worse, a talk about safety from his dad. They spent an entire week ignoring their agenda, and Ron started to wonder if she was avoiding the task ahead. He knew she was when she suggested they ride the wooden death trap that muggles called roller coasters at Luna Park.

"What if, instead of that," said Ron, gesturing toward the roller coaster with his rapidly melting ice cream cone, "We go find your parents."

Hermione continued to stare straight ahead from their place on the bench. She shook her head.

"What's going on, Hermione."

"What do you mean?" she asked unconvincingly.

"The museums, the restaurants, the dates," he attempted in a casual tone, as he took another slurp of his ice cream. "I'm having a great time, don't get me wrong. But you know we'll eventually have to see them."

He looked over at her, but she was still staring blankly ahead, He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to react. To say something.

"We can't avoid it forever, you know."

After a few moments of tense silence, her breathing became shallower, her face deepened in color, and the ice cream cone fell from her hand and landed in a splat on the concrete between them.

"Hermione, are you ok?" asked Ron.

She shook her head as she lowered her face into her hands, as her breathing picked up it's pace. "No….," she exhaled, but couldn't get any more words out before she was overtaken by full bodied sobs.

"Hermione?" he said hurriedly. "What's wrong?"

He tried to reach an arm around her shoulders, but she shoved him away, the adrenaline providing much more force than necessary. She continued to sob and shudder, before placing her hands on her throat, remindnig Ron of a fish out of water.

"Hermione, you're worrying me. Please tell me what's going on."

Ron's words didn't seem to register with her. He looked around him to check if they had drawn the attention of anyone, but the deafening sounds of laughter, carnival music, and screams from the roller coaster muffled them from anyone who might have stepped in to help.

"C'mon Hermione, answer me," he said a little more forcefully, now feeling panicked. Logically he knew she would answer him if she could, and that thought made him want to hyperventilate too. "Just breath, Hermione! Please-"

Her sobs suddenly became raspier, and her body continued to heave as if trying unsuccessfully to pull in more air. Her face was turning redder every moment, and then without warning, she leaned forward and threw up on the concrete before them. Ron stared at her wide-eyed, as she gasped for air and returned back to her sobs, but this time they sounded deeper and more nourishing. He tentatively reached his hand to her again, and this time she didn't flinch when he pulled her closer, so her head rested on his shoulder, smearing tears, and sick, and Merlin knows what else onto his shirt, but he didn't care. He was just glad she seemed to be breathing.

They didn't talk about it. When she finally came around, she hurried off into the nearest public loo, and Ron waited there as his unfinished ice cream cone dripped down his hand. When she returned, there seemed to be a mutual understanding that it was time to return to their hotel. So they did.

When they arrived, Hermione, still looking embarrassed, immediately opted for a shower, and Ron thought it would be a good time to try ordering room service. After all, he was part of Hermione's life now, and if he couldn't protect her from whatever just happened at Luna Park, he should at least learn how to use a telephone.

******

A few days later, Hermione finally agreed to find her parents. Fittingly, it was raining on the day they knocked on her parent's front door. They gave each other a quick glance, and before the door opened, Hermione slipped her hand into his. He heard her take a deep breath before they saw the doorknob turn, and they were suddenly face to face with the greying features of Mr. Hugo Granger.

"Can I help you?"

They had planned this moment, but like many things in their recent experience, it didn't go as expected. They didn't plan for Hermione to freeze, caught up in the emotion of seeing her father for the first time since the war. Neither were prepared for the lack of recognition in his face.

"Hi Dad," said Hermione softly, as Ron grimaced at her giveaway.

"Excuse me?" said Hugo Granger in confusion. "Dad?" Before Hermione could backtrack, the tension was broken by a large golden retriever that came bounding up to Ron.

"Hey buddy!" said Ron, as he leaned down to scratch the dog's ears.

"Herman! No!" shoulder another voice. "Hugo grab him!" Jean Granger appeared behind her husband, reaching for the dog..

"Right," said Hugo, with a lingering look of confusion at Hermione before he turned his attention to the dog.

"Hermione, now," whispered Ron. She nodded, and while her parents were looking down, she withdrew her wand and aimed it right at them.

"I'm sorry, he's still a puppy and doesn't know how big-," Jean paused mid sentence, before slowly returning upright as Hermione's counter charm took effect.. "Hermione?"

"Mom," whispered Hermione.

The expression on Jean's face turned from affection, to confusion, to anger, before landing back on affection. She opened her arms, and Hermione collapsed into her embrace.

Ron looked at Hugo, who had also risen to his feet, but his eyes were focused on Ron, not on the two women embracing beside him. Ron was unsettled by the fact that he couldn't read his expression at all.

"Ron Weasley, if I remember correctly," he said curtly.

Ron nodded.

"I'm sure there's a very good explanation."

Even though it wasn't a question, Ron nodded again.

Hugo then broke their eye contact and turned toward his daughter, reaching his hand out to embrace her too.

Ron simply stood back with his hands in his pockets and observed the moment Hermione had been worrying about for the past few weeks. She was sobbing again, but this time it didn't concern Ron at all. He felt a cold, wet nose brush against his leg, and looked down to see Herman wagging his tail. For something to do with his hands, and because Herman was pretty cute, he crouched down to pet him.

"Also… Herman?" he heard Hermione ask once she had broken free of her parents' embrace. "Sounds a lot like Hermione."

"I guess our memories were just a little too strong. They pushed through," said Hugo stiffly.

"I'm so sorry," wavered Hermione. "Will you let me explain?"

"Of course, honey," said Jean, embracing her daughter again.

Ron, who was still busy petting Herman, suddenly felt Hugo Granger's eyes on him again. "The dog sure seems to like you."

Ron anxiously looked up, but was pleasantly surprised to see that Hugo was grinning at him. "Yeah, well," shrugged Ron. "I really like Herman."

Hugo chuckled. "How about a drink?"

"Oh, I'm fine," said Ron quickly, but a quick look from Hermione made him backtrack. "Er, actually, a drink sounds good."

Hugo was already pouring him one. "Well come on in. We've got a lot to catch up on."

An explanation was due soon, but the Grangers took that night to reconnect with their daughter. To Ron's pleasant surprise, he was welcomed into their home like he was family too.

He was even more surprised when he sat on the sofa, keeping a respectable distance from Hugo Granger's daughter, and she simply inched closer to him so that they were knee to knee. She smiled brightly at him, and gratefully patted his knee in a way that she never had when they were just friends, and he smiled back before taking a sip of the stiff drink that Hugo had poured for him.

It could have been that smile, or the fact that he was suddenly thinking of Hermione as Mr. Granger's daughter. Or it could have been Hugo's suspicious eyes and Jean's excited grin when he tentatively slipped his arm around her shoulders, but that day, he truly felt like Hermione's boyfriend, and he knew they would figure everything else out later.

[godsporncollection]

Saturday GC Sessions Summary

Topics, quotes, and summaries of the talks given in the Saturday sessions of the fall 2020 General Conference (with occasional commentary in parenthesis)

*This is (mostly) written from a TBM pov, so I’ve glossed over many... unsavory things. That said, if you’re gonna quote this, definitely proofread it first because I occasionally switch to exmo pov. 

Sunday Sessions (long version)

Sunday Sessions (shorter version)

Russel M Nelson

Hopeful, holy bullshit/look at all the spiritually awesome stuff we're doing/gonna do. (idk, there didn't really seem to be much of a talk there)

David A Bednar

Tests in school are as important as the tests of us living on earth. 

"Prove, examine, and try."  

"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." 

Susan and I looked over our food storage and learned that we did well in most areas, but found some expired things we were afraid would unleash another global pandemic. 

Remember, when loved ones die, and you don't know why, god does. It's a lesson in faith. 

Scott D Whiting

How to be more like christ. 

Wife and I were in Japan, hiking up a mountain; it was hard because altitude. 

One step at a time is how we become more like christ. 

Honesty is important, honesty with ourselves.

You can ask others how they view you, but god is a better person to ask, with his perfect view of us. 

REPENT! to be the best version of ourselves. Change your heart and mind to be like christ. 

Choose one attribute to focus on at a time. Constantly ask god for help, but don't be selfish. 

"Be the tide that raises all boats in the harbor." 

Recognize that desired attribute in others. Put in a lot of effort. 

Caution- don't feel guilty, unworthy, or unloved; that is not what life is about. 

You are good enough and loved, but that doesn't mean you're a perfect version of yourself.

Michelle D Craig

Story of Elijah for allegory of struggling to see how god is in your life. 

Wait and trust in god. Pray for the lord to open your eyes. Understand how god sees you. 

Ask yourself: what am I doing that I should stop and what should I be doing? 

Stop looking at your phone. I think it's a good time to multitask, but the spirit told me to stop and the next day, while in line at the grocery store, I looked at the people around me instead. I saw old man and struck up a conversation with him based on what was in his cart (cat food). He said it was his birthday so I wished him a happy birthday. This guy needed me to see him. 

A story of a friend who separated from her husband and hoped nobody would talk to her at church. A young woman kept looking back at her and came up to her after sacrament meeting. The young woman told her she loved her and they became friends and it helped her because she felt noticed and cared about. 

Ask god to help you see others and act to affirm their lives. This is how we identify our own purpose.

Quentin L Cook

Righteousness. Female followers of brigham young found career opportunites in Utah and friends in the native americans. (Gave a whole bullshit Utah thanksgiving story, complete with rewriting history so white people can feel better about themselves for feeding the natives). There is unity in respect. Historically, we have not been perfect, but that is the goal. We don't need to have all the blessings of god to be righteous. Love god and fellow man to live in eternal peace and happiness with god. "Historical record" in 1 nephi shows there were no happier people because of righteousness. But then that society was destroyed so much that mormon asked how they would avoid punishment. We live in that latter time, not unity. Our challenge is to lift and bless society as a whole. Demonstrated by ethnic harmony and an all inclusive doctrine. Unity and diversity are not opposites. All races and colors are children of god. Laws written in god's chosen land (US) were written by imperfect men, but inspired by god for equal treatment of all men. Remember that we were onced very opressed because we wanted to share jesus' love. If you are not united, you are not god's children. Gosple culture is greater than regional cultures. We honor pioneers because of their struggles.

Ronald A Rasband

Supplying the world with temples is a holy duty. 

Sacred ordinaces lead to exaltation. 

"Temples rise above the ways of the world. Every temple... stand as testaments to our faith and eternal life and the joy of spending it with our families and heavenly father. They increase understanding of the godhead and the everlasting gospel and commitment to live and teach truth and our willingness to follow the example of jesus." 

I learned an important lesson while visiting my father in law as he was dying; that temple recommends are important, even while dying. 

The worthiness interview "is not about do's and dont's. It is about finding your worthiness and to testify of your devotion to the gospel teachings." 

(I stopped paying attention for a while.) 

Hunter said his biggest desire was to have every member hold a temple recommend. 

Come get yo rec's! "Whether you have access to a temple or not, it is still important to remain and prove your worthiness." 

(I'm really struggling to pay attention to this guy and holy shit he stressed "be patient" while I was typing that.)

Dallin H Oaks

"The lord's teachings are for eternity and for all of god's children." 

My examples will be US-centric, but I'm sure that the issues the US face are universal, right? 

Destrucitve behavior in political statements are not good. 

Remember that JC said to love your enemies. Contention is of the devil, not JC. It isn't easy. Seek and ye shall find the strength to love. 

Follow the laws of man. 

Nobody can make us angry, it is our choice to be angry. 

(Reference to The King and I-) learn about other people's culture. 

Don't participate in rioting. 

Wait, he's supporting the first ammendement- oh, the stress here is on the word "peaceful". We must do better to end racism. But remember to be peaceful! No violence. Anarchy is evil. Lincoln said "there is no greivance that is a fit object of redress by mob law". It undermines individual rights, not protects. 

The US was started by diverse people! We're inherintly diverse! Here's a diverse (british) example!

AFTERNOON SESSION

D Todd Christofferson

There's a 2030 sustainable development agreement thingy. It's got 17 goals including- no poverty, no hunger, quality education, gender equality, clean water and sanitation, and decent work. It is interesting and important. 

More important is a sustainable society. 

Two biblical examples: 1. The city of enoch. They were of one heart and one mind. 2. The 1st generations of nephites an lamanites. No envies nor strifes. No murders or lying. No happier people than them. Love thy neighbor. Every man seeking the interests of his neighbor. Virtues uphold these societies. 

Then they became exceedingly wicked and millions died in wars amongst themselves. 

"When people turn from a sense of accountability to god and begin to trust instead in the arm of flesh (?)", disaster lurks. 

A good life is more important than a long life. 

I'm so fucking blessed, so this really isn't a good topic for me, but here we are. 

The light of christ is what uneducated people call a consience. 

"When one has no higher god than himself, and seeks no greater good than satisfying his own appetites and preferences, the effects will be manifest in due course. A society, for example, in which individual consent is the only constraint on sexual activity is a society in decay. Adultery, promiscuity, elective abortion and out of wedlock births are but some of the bitter fruit that grow out of the immorality sanctioned by the sexual revolution." This leads to poverty and fatherless families, sometimes in multiple generations, and deficient education and mental destruction. 

"Our joyous message is that there is a better way through god... (the core truths of this message are) god lives, he is the heavenly father of our spirits, that as a manifestation of his love, he's given us commandments that lead to a fullnes of joy with him, that JC is the son of god and our redeemer, that he suffered and died to atone for sins on condition of our repentance, that he rose from the dead, bringing to pass the resurrection of human kind, and that we will all stand before him to be judged."

Steven J Lund

My son had cancer. It was hard. He was in lots of pain, but still wanted to go to church even when his mom suggested he stay home. He knew he inspired others when they saw him there, representing the savior by willingly suffering to serve. 

All youth programs are there to help them be more like JC. 

They are surrounded by things that keep helping them do that, but they're still making mistakes, so parents and leaders need to step up (potterheads grab your wands).

Gerrit W Gong

Family of 10 is hated by neighbors, nobody likes them until their house burns down. Then they were showed kindness, hope, and understanding by their neighbors helping them. 

"Our 2020 bicentenniel proclamation begins with the profoundly inclusive promise that god loves his children in every nation of the world. Each of us in every nation... god promises covenants, and invites us to come partake of his abundant joy and goodness. God's love for all people is affirmed throughout scripture that love encompasses the abrahamic covenent, gathering his scattered children, and his plan of happiness. In the house of faith, there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside others. As fellow citizens with the saints, we're invited to help the world for the better, from inside out; one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time. This happens when we share the gospel." 

Church materials are available in many regions and languages. We're gonna focus on that for a while. (And I stopped paying attention again. This dude is boring af. And I have a high threshold for boring right now) 

Talking about how members do charity work.

W Christopher Waddell

Some kid said it was the greatest day of his life to meet this guy who talks to the profit a couple of times a week. The story is given with the obvious topic of "we thank thee oh god for a prophet". 

Prophets tell us to prepare for crisis. 

We understand your struggles and want to express that there are better days ahead. Church leaders can help you. 

The lord loves effort. 

Have stores of food and money, but don't go to extremes in your efforts to establish those things. 

We have a brochure on finances with quotes from people about how god will provide. 

Remember Joseph in Egypt. 

"All things are spiritual to the lord and not at any time has he given us a law which is temporal." 

Manage your finances and have food storage.

Matthew S Holland

The feeling of Alma remembering his sins are as painful as passing a kidney stone (?!). 

Repentance will bring us relief. 

We have no idea how bad our suffering will be if we don't repent. 

"Medical science, professional counseling or legal rectification can help alleviate such suffering but note, all good gifts including these, come from the savior. Regardless [of] the causes of our worst hurt or heartaches, the ultimate source of relief is the same: JC. He alone holds the full power and healing balm to correct every mistake, right every wrong, adjust every imperfection, mend every wound, and deliver every delayed blessing." 

When you feel like nobody could understand your suffering, remember that jesus can. 

"Suffering in righteousness helps qualify your for, rather than distinguishes you from, god's elect."

William K Jackson

An Indian dude didn't want to turn his back on his culture in order to convert with the rest of his family. But JC was able to open his eyes to a different viewpoint. 

Our original culture is the culture of Adam and Enoch. It is the greatest of all cultures. There is no "us v them" mentality in the greatest of all cultures. 

"We believe that we are responsible and accountable for ourselves, each other, the church, and our world. Faith in JC is the first principle of our culture, and obedience to his teachings and commandments is the outcome.” 

“It is a culture of covenants and ordinances, high moral standards, sacrifice, forgiveness, repentance, and caring for the temple of our bodies. It is a culture of the preisthood, the authority to act in god's name, the power of god to bless his children. It edifies and enables individuals to be better people, leaders, mothers, fathers, and companions- and it sanctifies the home. In the culture of christ, women are elevated to their proper and eternal status. They are not subservient to men, as in many cultures in today's world, but full and equal partners here and in the world to come.” 

“The family is the basic unit of eternity. The perfection of the family is worth any sacrifice" because, as has been taught, "no other success can compensate for failure in the home." 

This culture is concerned with things of lasting worth. 

It is inclusive, not exclusive. 

"Because this culture results from the application of our savior's teachings, it helps provide a healing balm of which our world (cue crying) is in such desperate need. What a blessing it is to be a part of this grand and (voice wavering) *noble* way of life. The church is hardly a western society or an american cultural phenomenon. it is an international church, as it was always meant to be. New members from around the world bring richness, diversity, and excitement into our ever-growing family!" (hallelujah!) 

Indian dude joined the church, of course. 

"What a marvelous heritage (quiet sob) we all share!"

Dieter F Uchtdorf

Because of a threat from the US military, the SLC temple was buried during constrution. When the threat had passed, they excavated it and found that many stones in the foundation had cracked and were replaced. "Finally, the saints could sing How Firm a Foundation and know their holy temple was built on a foundation that would last for generations.” 

“This story can teach us how god uses adversity to bring about his purposes." Which is an appropriate topic these days.

We mourn with those who have lost loved ones to covid. 

"My message today is that even though this pandemic is not what we wanted or expected, god has prepared his children and his church for this time." 

We will do more than survive, we will move forward and we will be better as a result. 

We are like seeds that must be buried before they can sprout. "The love of god and blessing of the restored gospel of JC will bring something unimaginable to spring forth." 

Hardships strengthen our character. 

"What we learn from biblical examples? 1. The righteous are not given a free pass that allows them to avoid the valleys of shadow... 2. Our heavenly father knows that we suffer, and because we are his children, he will not abandon us..." 

"Our best days are ahead of us, not behind us. This is why god gives us modern revelation." 

(I stopped paying attention during an aviation allegory.) 

Stories of new/potential converts going to appointments early because of excitement. "Our missionaries are busier than ever."

WOMEN'S SESSION

Sharon Eubank

Story of a kid rewarded with his favorite pie for doing chores. He was selfish when his sister asked if she and her friend could have some because they didn't earn it, but changed his mind later. This showed that he was willing to change and show kindness to those who didn't deserve it. 

"By union of feeling, we obtain power with god." 

I don't like this world. It sucks and I want to make it better and sometimes I feel powerless, but I have done lots of soul searching and have three suggestions. 

1. Have mercy. Jacob 2:17, but replace the word "substance" with the word "mercy". We need more mercy in our ministering. "If you would have god have mercy on you, have mercy on each other." 

2. Make your boat swing. Rowing definition: "swing" is when all are rowing in such perfect unison that not a single action is out of sync. Somehow, individuality is crucial to this; clones couldn't do it. "Differences can be turned to advantage instead of disadvantage." This makes you go fast and they won because of that. 

3. Clear away the bad as fast as the good can grow. Jacob 5: good tree is planted in good ground but was corrupted. A servant asks that the tree be given another chance and then the tree grows good fruit. JC is like the owner of the vinyard, and gives us mercy, if we can give it to each other. 

"I believe the change we seek in ourselves and in the groups we belong to will come less by activism and more by actively trying every day to understand one another" because we're building zion. 

As women, we have broad influence to remove prejudice and build unity. "I offer this invitation: be part of a collective force that changes the world for good." We're supposed to help others. "The women of this church have the potential to change society."

Rebecca M Craven

(I... I can't focus on this woman long enough to piece together what the fuck she's saying. Sorry.) 

I think the overall topic is changing yourself to atone/repent.

Cristina B Franco

This year has given us many surprises that have left us broken. 

Personal story about getting a piano. One of the delivery guys slipped and broke it. The delivery guys went back to arrange the delivery of a new piano, but her husband asked if it could just be repaired instead. The manager said "the wood is broken, and once the wood is broken, it can never sound the same." 

We are like the broken piano, feeling broken and that we'll never be the same again. "However, as we come unto JC by exercising faith in him, repenting, and making and keeping covenants, our brokenness, whatever it's cause, can be healed [by the savior's healing power to make us better than we were.]." Faith in god heals us. 

Story of Alma where god promised to ease their burdens. 

(Really long quote  from Alma that she doesn't source). 

The savior is a refuge from the storm. 

(Is there a rule that women can't have more than 20% original content in their talks? What is with all the quotes from other people, with barely anything to make them relate to each other?)

THAT'S MY HIGH SCHOOL CHOIR TEACHER DIRECTING THE SEPT 2014 CHOIR!!!

Bonnie H Cordon

JC is the light and the life of the world; the light that shines in the darkness. 

Shit's been hard these last few months, but we see you praying and working hard to seek out JC.

Video

Gloomy shit and then "inspiring/soothing" pics of JC, then those same gloomy people are shown being happy while doing normal, everyday stuff. Lots of black people to show diversity and even a deaf woman signing in a video chat on her phone. (It's driving me crazy that i can't remember the song that's playing.) Then back to a pic of JC.

Henry B Eyring

"Every day we are approaching closer to the glorious moment when the savior JC will come to earth again." 

"As the beloved daughters of heavenly father, and as the daughters of the lord JC in his kingdom, you will play a crucial part in the grand times ahead." 

Prepare to live as the people in the city of enoch did. 

Another unsourced quote of "what will happen in this last dispensation of the fulness of times": (was that wording really necessary?) dark skies, earthquakes, etc, but chosen people will be fine. They'll all be gathered into one place (that we could... maybee.... do something to? jk. unless...?). 

Women will be at the heart of creating that society. 

Quotes about the importance of women and the relief society. 

Quotes about how pure and faithful the city of Enoch was. 

"My experience has taught me that heavenly father's daughters have a gift to allay contention and to promote righteousness with their love of god and with the love of god they engender in those they serve." (fuck you) 

Seeing a household without a preisthood member gave me glimpse of zion because the women were supportive and loving.

Why is it Oaks again?

"In the world, ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer, i have overcome the world." 

Today, "we are also troubled on every side, and we also need that same message not to despair, but to be of good cheer." 

JC knows your wants and fears. 

"Be of good cheer." 

"Be of good cheer." 

"Be of good cheer." 

Opposition is essential (anyone know of that musical 'my turn on earth' or am i just old? I've got 'opposition' stuck in my head). 

Shit sucks right now. Covid and election shit, the election shit is bad "the most severe many of the oldest of us can ever remember." People are dealing with "the many adversities of mortality: poverty, racism, sickness, job loss, wayward children, bad/no marriages, and the effects of sin" but "be of good cheer." (broken record much?) 

Poor JS had lots of adversities! But he still managed to "maintain his native cheery temperament and the love and loyalty of his people." The pioneers had it hard, too, but they still "were of hope and good cheer." 

(If I heard this right) The orignal missionaries were sent out for up to 7 years. 

The presidency loves you and cares about you and we pray for you (y'all should look up 'ill pray for you' by Jaron Lowenstein, btw. i promise it's hilarious). 

"There is boundless power in the doctrine of the restored gospel of JC. Our unshakeable faith in that doctrine guides our steps and gives us joy. It enlightens our minds and gives strength and confidence to our actions. This guidance and enlightenment and power are promised gifts we have recieved from our heavenly father. By understanding and conforming our lives to that doctrine, including the divine gift of repentance, we can be of good cheer as we keep ourselves on the path of eternal destiny, reunion, and exaltation with our loving heavenly parents." (sidenote- I typed that quote really fast with very few mistakes and I'm very proud of myself. I'm sure I've never typed that fast and correctly in my life.)

Russel M Nelson

Shit's been hard and different than normal. 

We greive with the women who have experienced loss. 

Social media is evil for young women, but "many of you have found ways to encourage others and share our savior's light." 

The future gonna be lit, yo. 

"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." 

"Moroni prepared his people in three essential ways:”

“1. He helped them create areas where they would be safe; places of security, he called them.” "Create a home that is a place of security." 

“2. He prepared the minds of the people to be faithful unto the lord.”  "Each time we have the faith to be obedient to god's laws, even when popular opinions belittle us, or each time we resist entertainment or ideaologies that celebrate covenant breaking, we are exercising our faith, which in turn increases our faith." "Life without god is a life filled with fear. Life with god is a life filled with peace." 

“3. He never stopped preparing his people; physically or spiritually." "The adversary never stops attacking, so we can never stop preparing. The more self-reliant we are, temporally, emotionally, and spiritually, the more prepared we are to thwart satan's relentless assualts." 

"We have so much to look forward to. The lord placed you here, now, because he knew you had the capacity to negotiate the complexities of the latter part of these latter days. He knew you would grasp the grandeur of his work and be eager to help bring it to pass. I am not saying that the days ahead will be easy, but I promise you that the future will be glorious for those who are prepared, and those who continue to prepare to be instruments in the lord's hands." 

"Embrace the future with faith."

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #325

tired of seeing me in the survey tag yet? lmao me too

Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I have absolutely never understood why there would be any correlation between someone's height and whether or not you would date the person because of it. What, do you think the person has any control over that? So basically, yes, I would, without a second thought. Have you ever fallen in love on the Internet? "Fallen in love," no. I had to meet Sara first to see how we meshed in the same environment. Have you ever had a crush on your best friend’s sweetie? Yes, hence the Joel mess. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend? No. Good luck getting me to date someone like that. Can guys be sluts? Who the fuck cares so long as the person is safe and open with their partner. Ever had a crush on your best girlfriend? Twice now, haha. Would you ever kiss someone who’s taken? No, I'm not that kind of person. Do you mind being the third wheel? I don't care, really, so long as my friend doesn't totally ignore me. I very much enjoy seeing people in love. Has a kiss ever made you weak in the knees? Yes. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No, and I absolutely would not if I was aware. You pick me or you leave me alone. Do you feel comfortable buying condoms? I've never had to, but I'd probably feel a hint of awkwardness. Have you ever run into your ex with his/her new partner? No, and the only case where that would be a problem would be with Jason. I know in my heart I would feel at least some hatred towards her. Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? Yep, when I was first actually getting truly sexual and felt like I was betraying my "abstinence." Would you stay friends with your sweetie’s friends if you broke up? I'm still friends with Jacob, mine and Jason's former roommate and his then-close friend. So yeah. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I hope more than words can explicate that I have a stable job that I love, my driver's license, and my own place with a long-term partner, since I think living alone would be very detrimental to me. I also hope I have much better control over my social anxiety. Oh, and can I PLEASE be fit again? What was the last thing you bought for less than a dollar? No idea. Who was the last person in your bed? My niece Aria was sitting on it with me. I miss Misty's kids. Do you have a nice phone? Not particularly, but it does the job. Is Marilyn Manson creepy or cool? I find him creepy in a cool way, haha. Well, at least aesthetically. With his recent sexual assault (or abuse? idr) allegations however, I don't know how I feel about him because I don't know the facts. I really should actually read up about it. Regardless, I love his music; he's one of my favorite musical artists. Do you like talking to strangers? Depends on my mood and the person. Do you have OCD? Yes. Are you clumsy or graceful? I'm clumsy as all getout. Have you ever ran into a door because you didn’t know it was closed? Haha, no. Have you ever woke up and didn’t know where you were? After my cyst removal surgery, I was confused for a moment or so. Do you own a Wii? Yep. Do you like to talk about yourself? Depends on with whom, the subject, and my mood. Has anyone ever called you conceited? No; I'm very much on the other end of the spectrum. Tattoos or piercings? I love both, but tats win. Have you ever had ants ruin your picnic? I’ve never had a picnic. At least that I remember. What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? Recently, I watched The Dark Den dissect his recently-deceased tarantula to figure out why she died. It was serious impaction, and it was disgusting. Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? A lil cozy one! Not TOO small, though. I'd feel claustrophobic. Have you ever blow dried something other then your hair? Maybe? What is your favorite piece of equipment at gyms? Treadmills. Do you have a tutor for anything? No. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did for a little while. Did you tell your last girlfriend/boyfriend that you love them? Yes. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Apparently I somehow forgot to wipe crumbs off the kitchen counter. Have you ever had a bathing suit fall off of you while swimming? Not a suit, no, but when I wore bikinis and I jumped into the pool, it's happened before where my top would go up. I'd obviously fix it super quick. Do your pets have favorites? I'm absolutely Roman's favorite, but he loves Mom, too. I'm the only one who interacts with Venus. What’s the longest you’ve ever liked someone without telling them? A very long time. I had a big crush on Girt my freshman year, and some time after Jason, my crush for him came back, but he didn't ask me out until years later. Turns out we'd been friends just too long and the relationship felt too weird for me, so I broke up with him after I think... four months or so? We're still great friends. That's my bro. Did you prank anyone on April Fool’s Day? I never do anymore. I don't like pranks. What’s the sweetest thing a gf/bf can do to get you to forgive them? Changed behavior. Do you dislike when surveys ask to describe your underwear? Well, I'm almost always in my pajamas, sooo I generally don't even have any at that moment. Did you check to see how much fat/calories was in the last thing you ate? No. If the last person you kissed gave you roses, what would you do? Blush and thank her. Anything happened lately that you never expected to? "Never?" No. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were younger? I'm a massive disappointment and embarrassment to that little girl. Are you a confrontational person, or the peacekeeper? I am absolutely a peacekeeper. I avoid confrontation like the plague. The last time you did something with BOTH of your parents was? They've been divorced since I was I think 17 and I am now 25, so... Do you like pumpkin pie? Absolutely not. Do you believe in any conspiracies? I am 100% sold on that the government had some involvement in 9/11. Look into the evidence - there is an overwhelming amount. There are others that I consider as possible, but no others do I absolutely believe. I'm around 50/50 on the simulation theory. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? Who? Nah. Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? Colleen. We simply butted heads way too much, and she just had this volatile meanness towards others I couldn't watch anymore. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? Probably a paper for when I was in school. I don't know if our printer does. Have you ever gotten your nails done? Or do you get them done regularly? Yeah, with Colleen and then another time with my sisters. It was really just to hang with them, though. It's not something I'm interested in. Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? Nope. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Not since I was an older teen did I get Mom's bed, but it wasn't new. This was actually her parents' bed, too. Well I mean, the mattress obviously isn't that old, but the bed itself is pretty ancient. It's comfy enough. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yes: on the dead-end road that led to our old house. I was with Mom obviously and probably my sister, since I think I did it on the way home from school. Do any of your friends drink excess amounts of alcohol? Do you? Not to my knowledge. I definitely don't. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Yes, because it's mandatory when being transported to a mental hospital. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? Never been drunk before. When was the last time you bled? What happened? Well it's my time of the month, so. Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any pets? I love dogs, but don't currently have one as a pet. Mom's looking intently. How often do you bathe? I'm going to be completely transparent and say not as much as I should. Doing my hair is fine, but moving all around, bending and propping my legs up exhausts my legs so much that I avoid showers as long as I can take it or until I have to go somewhere. I want strength back in my body. So. Badly. Do you have any tattoos? What, where and why? I have six that I'm not all explaining, but locations: right upper arm, right inner wrist, left inner forearm, left upper arm, right collarbone, left breast. What do you wear to bed at home? Pajama pants and a tank top. What do you wear to bed when you're somewhere else? Pj pants, tank top, and usually a bra, depending on where I'm at and with who. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? I have a lot, but I'll discuss my strangest/strongest: pregnancy, maggots, parasites, and whale sharks. Pregnancy would be because a fetus is technically parasitic, and, to cover that topic, I'm just generally terrified of anything living in MY body. I also find it absolutely disgusting to see a baby move from the outside. I will actually scream if I see this, and that is not an exaggeration. I'm afraid of maggots (larva in general, really) because I think they're just disgusting, and I once brought something in from outside and put it in my dresser (idr why), and one day I opened it and reached in for something just to find lots of little larva squirming around. That's when it started. Now, whale sharks: it's literally because of World of Warcraft, hahaha. There's an underwater zone in the game where they roam as boss enemies, and their mouths look so weird and are actually a bit toothy. Irl, they just have mouths that are just way too big for my comfort. I know they're entirely harmless, but still. If you could ask God (to atheists - IF there was one) one question, what? "Why." Why so much evil, pain, and unfairness. Briefly describe your family. Kinda broken, but still loving and try to stay close. Big "ohana" mood: everyone's loyalty is endless. Where do you stand on the death penalty? For it in extreme cases. Where do you stand on wearing fur? Disgusting and horribly morbid unless for survival purposes in cold climates. Could you kill somebody? In self-defense, yes. What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)? I just say I'm Independent. My beliefs stretch over so many titles; plus, I'm not very educated on all types and what they entail. What, if anything, WOULD you sacrifice your life for? To save those I love most. How would your ideal partner look? *shoves picture of Mark Fischbach in ur face* Would you ever have an affair? Nope. I'm telling you: pick me or leave me be. I'm not a side-chick. Would you ever have a one night stand? Also no. What one thing would you change in this world (free Tibet, abolish Sweden)? Honestly... probably abolish all militaries. I do not in the least support war, and it's just... sad to know countries stand ready to kill the moment they "need" to. Distrust seems to make the world go 'round. Sure, a country may try to rebuild them in secrecy, but that's a preeeetty big thing to succeed in keeping under wraps. "But what if a terrorist or something rises?" I'm quite sure we could handle that without an full-on army. Maybe I'm not well-informed on this topic, but I've just never supported military presence. I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR AS DAY, I have endless respect for veterans and aspiring soldiers, because I DO understand the mentality of wanting to protect your home, but yeah. I just wish it wasn't a thing. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? Nope. Do you have any famous relatives? Ancestors, yes, and I have a distant cousin who wrote a fantastic book, if that counts. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No. Desired weight: At MOST 140. :/ I'd like to be closer to 120, but I'll take 140. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Legalize it, but treat it similarly to alcohol, like prohibiting driving high, obviously. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? Tip a minimum, and THEN increase according to service quality. Are you addicted to anything? Soda. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? Yes. Never mind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? I'm a female and content with that. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? Yes, considering how behind I am in just being an adult. What does your parents call you? Generally just "Britt." Mom occasionally still calls me "Twinkie." ;-; Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? Wow, no. Do you ever watch The Simpsons? No. What’s the last thing to make you scream? Truly scream, a mix of depression and anger. I screamed into my pillow. Do you play games with boys/girls, like ‘hard to get’? I'm an adult. I'm a tease in some romantic situations, but "hard to get" is definitely the wrong term.

[sprinkle-jay]

danse macabre (aka a necromancer’s relationship with death)

Guys I wrote an Erdan character study (Also on AO3)

Erdan is still young when he learns about death for the first time. Elves rarely die of old age, considered to be nigh immortal by everyone else. Of course, it's impossible to avoid death, even in a floating city of high elves. When Erdan first learns about death, he’s very much still a child, and not just by elven standards. He doesn’t fully understand what it means to be gone forever, but his parents tell him that it’s natural, that he shouldn’t have to worry about it until he’s older, so he nods along with what they’re saying and pretends to know what they mean. For Erdan right now, death is a part of living.

When Erdan goes to study at Gladeholm University, he already knows what he wants to specialize in. Necromancy is abhorrent to nearly everyone else, but he thinks there’s something beautiful in it. Of course, parts of necromancy will always be grotesque, but he finds that he can look past those parts while he learns. Necromancy brings the dead back to life, it can help in protecting and healing, and Erdan refuses to let the undead aspect change his area of study. In his mind, when he makes his decision, death is nothing more than a cruel beauty.

He makes it his goal to change people’s minds about necromancy but all he seems to be doing is changing their minds about him. It doesn’t even seem like most of the other necromancers share his ideas about the good necromancy can bring. The other students are too interested in the other schools of magic to even glance at necromancy with anything more than contempt. So instead, Erdan ignores the other necromancers and does his own thing with his magic. He impresses the other students, corrects Ilsed’s mistake with the rose and ignores his stares. The other students crowd around him and he brings a dead spider back to life, commanding it to create art through its web. His magic is trivial for him now, he finds it easy to perform what could be considered minor miracles. When you’re a necromancer, death is temporary.

When Erdan’s parents die, there’s a part of him that refuses to accept it. The other part of him is screaming out at everyone, yelling at someone to do something, to Raise Dead and bring them back. They tell him Raise Dead doesn’t restore body parts and he freezes because something inside of him was warning him, telling him that someone would have done something by now. “Let me see them,” he insists, but something tells him that they’re right, that he doesn’t want to see their bodies. He looks anyways and immediately stumbles away from the sight he finds. At this moment, death is a horror.

He stands near their casket later, reaching down to open it again. Lucanus stops him but he doesn’t want to listen, doesn’t want to think about them being gone forever. Lucanus tells him he can’t fix them, that no one can fix them, and a quiet voice inside of Erdan tells him that his friend is right. But then Ilsed emerges from the shadows, bringing with him a lich, telling Erdan that his parents could come back. Lucanus yells at Ilsed to leave, pleads with Erdan to stop, but he doesn’t listen, throwing his friend against the wall with Hold Person. He tells Ilsed to try it and he does, bringing them back. Erdan rushes forward and hugs them but the moment doesn’t last long. They attack him and he reacts instinctively, blasting his father away and killing him again. A Fireball from Lucanus kills his mother for a second time and Erdan vows to listen to his friend’s council from then on. For the first time, Erdan realizes that death is permanent.

After the incident, Erdan struggles with his studies. Necromancy is hard for him after everything that has happened, but he’s dedicated and determined to not give up on everything he’s worked so hard to achieve. He doubts anyone views him as cool anymore but that’s the least of his concerns. He withdraws from everyone except for Lucanus, sits at the back of the classroom as he tries to bring a dead plant back to life. He can tell his friend is trying to help him but even so it’s still too difficult for him. For the rest of his time at the University, death is haunting.

At some point, Erdan acquired a cat. He doesn’t know how or when it happened, but this small black cat won’t stop following him around everywhere, and he decides to adopt her. He names her Bubbles and she goes everywhere with him as his familiar. When she dies, he’s heartbroken for just a moment before he tells himself that she’s not gone for good, he can bring her back. He hesitates for a moment as he remembers the last time he brought someone close to him back to life, but he steels himself and casts the spell. It isn’t a perfect spell but he brings Bubbles back as a skeletal cat and wizard and familiar are reunited. When it takes the form of his beloved cat, death is an old friend.

When the armies of the Nine Hells march on the Material Plane, the Legendary Heroes respond with an army of their own. It's a war between Hell and Bahumia full of blood and carnage. The battlefield haunts Erdan, corpses of friend and foe alike littering the ground as the two armies continue to clash. Not to mention his frustration with fighting another necromancer. But he carries on fighting against the armies of Hell, occasionally using the surrounding death to his advantage. As a necromancer, he should be used to death after all. After a while, he learns to tune out the fact that death is everywhere.

When he goes undercover with the Grave Robbers, he feels disgust towards his fellow necromancers. Many of them had been old friends and to see them turn against their people cuts deep. He’d spent so long advocating for necromancy, telling people it wasn’t always bad, and yet here was Libella going around and working with Galad Rosell. It pains him to even pretend to side with them, the side of necromancy he’s always tried to avoid. He’s always tried to show the beauty in necromancy, in bringing the dead back to life, but now he has to pretend otherwise and it’s hard for him to do. For the Grave Robbers (and Erdan by extension), death is a tool.

He takes no pleasure in killing Libella when he first meets the Band of Boobs. No matter what the Grave Robbers had been doing, Libella had been his friend once and it hurt something inside of him to rip her heart out. It takes some time for him to convince the Boobs that he is trustworthy, but he tells them what he knows when they agree to listen. He can sense death when he looks at them, and he knows without a doubt that Ryan the Ram is dead. He can see something else in their eyes too, and he thinks that death is ever-present.

Then Erdan finds out from the Band of Boobs about Ilsed, that Gladeholm is Akarot’s phylactery. He finds out about the Hollow Gods and listens to the discussions taking place. He attempts to remove Akarot’s essence, tries to save Gladeholm, and the city is teleported to Asmodea. He tries his best to shield the city while everyone else is teleporting away and when Moonshine contacts him and offers to teleport to him, he refuses. He doesn’t want her to die with him. And against all odds they survive, only for the apocalypse to begin. Starting right now, death is an enemy.

Not long after the start of the apocalypse, Beverly shows him a sword and it nearly kills him. Somewhere, hidden far behind his clear anger and stress, is fear. Not for himself - he stopped fearing death a long time ago - but for Gladeholm, his city. He’s a leader now and he has to make sure everyone is safe. The second attack on Gladeholm is more personal. The hijack of Gunther’s reincarnation, attacks from the dead, it all feels mocking to the necromancer. It feels like death is out to get him.

His own death creeps up on him slowly and he curses himself for being so blind, for not seeing it earlier. Of course the sword wouldn't have been that easy to defeat, of course Pestilence would have had something else planned. He isn't mad at Beverly anymore, doesn't blame the young hero, he only feels guilty that he didn't notice sooner. As Pestilence takes over his body, Erdan panics. A bit about his inevitable fate, but mostly about the fate of Gladeholm. He watches as his own body goes down to the All-Caster and kills Quiksus before casting Dominate Person on the entire city. He flinches, a strange experience when you can't control your own body, when you're essentially dead. A desperate idea comes to his head and in a flash, he abandons his body to find Bubbles. It's a stupid plan, it won't solve anything, but there's a possibility it could save even one person and he's not willing to pass on that opportunity. And while the Band of Boobs fight against the wraith, his plan does save one person. As Pestilence casts Maze on Beverly, Erdan, in Bubbles' body, leaps into the way and gets sucked into the spell too. He guides Beverly out and tells the young halfling not to feel guilty, says his death doesn't really bother him. He's a necromancer, death is like a change of clothes.

[lysieblu]

When the Camellia Blooms

So I decided to do commentary this time. I usually have a lot to say when wacthing dramas but forget it all quickly.

Mild Spoilers Ahead

I’ve renamed the characters because auto-correct sucks if your first language isn’t Korean.

Oh Dong-Baek - Dongbaek

Hwang Yong-sik - Smiley

Choi Hyang-mi / Choi Go-eun - Clepto Waitress

No Gyu-tae - Tae or Gyu-tae

Hong Ja-young  - Baseball, baseball dude

Jo Jung-sook, Dongbaek’s mom - Mama bear

Deok-soon, Yong-sik’s mom - Ma dukes

Why is it that society can take anything and make it a reason to put others down. Humans ain't shit. Episode 6 “Girls like me are like the Emperor's New Clothes... Good guys cants see me.” Best quote of the whole drama so far. Clepto waitress, I love her. She was weird and I wasn't sure if she was playing old dude, Tae. But she was and kinda genius at it. Men help create the traps they get caught in. Is Dongbaek really going to die in the end because it really sucks as this sad girl narrative goes. Being an orphan and or single mom does not doom you. The society in which she lived did. She was a fighter and would always win. The fact that she made it so far in life despite believing the bs others were telling her and the shit she was telling herself is worthy of praise. Episode 7 Smart girl to keep a tab of bad behavior. I just wish she had a bit more confidence, petty, and bad bitch in her delivery. This self deprecating behavior is getting old now. But this kind of behavior can't be unlearned in a night. It's so frustrating. This is why I can't be a therapist. Get a grip bitch. (kidding I know how healing works) all you can really do is pour in the positive and hope it flushes out the negative. That's why smiley is good for her but God he's annoying. He may be good and all but he had def benefited from her lack of boundaries. The dead girl at the end is the Clepto waitress. She stole the bracelet from Dongbaek and thus why the dead body is wearing it. Go Gye-tae has something to do with the murders. He is too punk to do them himself. But he knows and is close to the murderer. The timing of the alarm at the aesticians office. Tae saved her  I think it's the handy man. Episode 8 Chief is looking really suspect. Clepto waitress has crossed the line to disrespectful. Is she really risking hurting Dongbaek to get baseball dude? I think extortion always been her MO. Mom was referring to her when she said watch who you trust. I don't think she's the killer but bitch is not innocent. Episode 9 I hate bitches. It's true that for some people who never grew the fuck up... Hate is their love language. Cliques need a common enemy to thrive and they are weak as fuck. It doesn’t help that Dongbaek never puts them in their place. Me and Dongbaek are the same age and had our kid about the same time. I don't think the killer is female. Unless that bitch is Ronda Rousey I would like to believe I can fight off a bitch with chicken wire. Chief is looking suspect as hell. Why is he always throwing Smiley off the track or avoiding the case. He knows something. I am by no means taking baseball guys side, however I do feel that both parents should be given the opportunity to be parents to their kid. It's unfair to not tell him about his child when he clearly wants to be a father. The scar can go both ways. You son can resent you for keeping this from his father. Pil clearly knows what's up. Dongbaek is growing up. In a way, this is a death flag. But I still don't believe it's her. Episode 10 There isn't a cloud in the sky. They are walking around without coats. And you expect me to believe that it's cold enough for snow. I still feel like Joker isn't a female but her mom is looking hella suspect. What if the connection between all the victims is Dongbaek. Maybe they somehow did her wrong and crazy momma bear was protecting her. But I really can't see her climbing out of a window. Plus the fire alarm.   Trust no one. A lot of people have said the "don't be a joke" line. I called it. That ending was more of a death red flag. So the dead lady is Clepto waitress. She probably died because she obviously owes debts. Dude in hair salon was creepy. But that is separate from joker. I know this goofy mug. I've seen it somewhere (Googling it) ah.. yes... Mr Smiley was in Midnight Runners, playing a cop there too if I remember correctly. Episode 11 A bunch of elementary school kids fighting over baseball. Me yelling at my TV: GET EM!!! Let me tell y'all. I would have been on that field lighting shit up, whipping everyone's ass. Little boy go get yo momma so she can get your ass beating. 😡 Chief is acting wonky. He knows something. What's with the mom? She seems so protective... Now? What about her dad? What if Dongbaek's parents are some crazy con artists who are protecting their daughter by killing off people who conned her? They are basically trying to tell her to "get a grip bitch!" Or "don't be a joke." And did you see her grab the belt and wrap around her fist? She knows what the fuck she's doing. (I want her on my team in a fight) Why is Dongbaek not questioning her lucidity? 🤔 Clepto waitress is the childhood friend.?!. 🤨 IT WAS THE FUCKING HANDYMAN!!! I CALLED IT!!! 🥳🙌🏾👏🏾 Yass bitches. I'm fucking brilliant. Hold on... let's not get ahead of ourselves. Episode 12 This shit just became an episode of 24 “Why try to live so hard?” Because if I live up to the narrative people create for me based on some societal BS explanation, they win. They can say, "see I told you all _______ are _______." Fuck your prejudices and stereotypes. The last thing I want to do is prove some asshole right. So many people want her dead they are trying to confuse me. Who the fuck is the joker?? Handy man's dad? Is he even alive? And this lack of boundaries is killing me. Dongbaek needs to put both those men in their place. Baseball needs to know he has no legal rights, period, if his name is not on the birth certificate. It would be the kids decision as to what his relationship with his dad is. She also needs to tell Smiley to get a fucking grip and that dealing with Baseball is part of being with her. These situations can coexist and it's frustrating to think otherwise. Mom dukes needs to chill. Her son has to make his own decisions and fuck-ups and she cannot fault Dongbaek for that. Life is hard, regardless. If it ain't this, it would be something else. Who lives an easy life?? Challenges build character. And I get it some things you can avoid. But they are grown in their 30s, who at this point does not come with baggage? And fuck you for trying to make me cry. I'm at work Episode 13 Is momma bear on drugs? Her behavior isn't totally out of the ordinary but maybe she goes away to trip and comes back. Lawd we all gon die together😮 They are teasing this story line so hard.  IDK who the joker is. I'ma stick to the handy man but everyone in this story is guilty of something and really it's like matching the crime to the person or the person to the crime. Who killed Clepto? Was it her enemies or the joker? What momma bear is up to? Who's the joker? Is the joker and cleptos killer the same person? What's handy mans deal? Out of all of clepto's enemies, I believe the only ones capable of killing her are Mr. Pimp, Jessica because she's desperate, or Momma bear because she's protecting Dongbaek. In which case, her death is separate from the Joker's killings. Episode 14 You think Smiley's mom may be jealous because no one took an interest in her with three kids? Hold... The ... Fucking.... Phone... It's handy man's dad??? Behind  every weak man is a mother (parental figure) who never held him accountable. I'm tired of grown people not acting like they are grown, kiss and have sex already... Damn. Oh so now they were meant to be? And did Momma bear really come for a kidney? Episode 15 There is a such thing as too much motherly love. This lady is fucking delusional. Her son has always been the type to run towards trouble. Does she really think his life would be easier without Dongbaek? Really? Go-tae is cleared. He was guilty but his crime is gambling. Jessica hit clepto with her car but someone delivered the final blow. Was it Momma bear? Or joker? I think Chief is cleared too. He was just operating out of fear. So hold up. Momma bear has been watching over Dongbaek her whole life. If Momma bear is lurking in the shadows of course she would run into someone else lurking in the shadows. Bitch. Episode 16 Laugh cry? Jesus Christ Dongbaek is stupid. A abandoned mall. Really? She's like a white chick in a horror movie. No don't go in there. Run bitch. 😔 Always take the fucking stairs. I can't. If she falls, I quit. Episode 17 They look like the fucking Power Rangers and I AM LIVING for this movement. Ordering me a track suit on payday. He gets it. He fucking gets it. "I know I made you be a mother when you wanted to just be a woman" 🥳 "We'll not only feed him, we'll wipe his ass if we have to" My bitch. 😂😂😂 If this shit ends with Pil going with his father, I quit. People and situations can peacefully coexist. What's with this all or nothing attitude? And this discarding of a previous family or kids. I see it a lot in these dramas and it's disturbing. Episode 18 Pil's in for a rude awakening but it's a lesson that his mom can't protect him from. His dad may have nice things, but he ain't shit. He'll be back. Damn even your kid thinks your weak. Or is he being mean? He did it for his mom. Funny.. he's assuming what she wants. Did she ever say that she couldn't marry Smiley because of him? Did Smiley say it? That Ma Dukes said it and it's unfortunate. He's too young to realize which opinions matter  Society sucks for making a kid feel this way. Fuck that shit. It just hit me. One of the underlying themes of this drama is parenthood,  more so motherhood. Dongbaek lacked boundaries, even with her son. Smiley's mom is delusional about her son and life in general. She relied on him too much, babied him too much. I don't think any woman would not have been good enough in the long run. The guilt of his father dying, she blames herself, a burden she should have never had to bare, and never fully healed. She projecting that onto Dongbaek. Dongbaek's mom is seeking redemption. She did what she thought was best for her kid. Jessica's mom put up with an asshole for the sake of everyone else and probably to maintain her life. She's learning that she doesn't want that for Jessica. That her own insecuries have transferred to her. Taeks mom is selfish as fuck and babied her son, never holding him accountable. Mother's think they know what's right for their kid, but a nice life from the outside doesn't guarantee a nice life from the inside. That nice lawyer could have treated your daughter like a slave. But it all looks nice to the neighbors. People have got to let "perceptions" go. Most of the time people with the "worst" past have the best character. The issue with it all is.. most mother's define themselves by their kids or husbands. Korea does it very literally. Then, when it all goes away; your kid grows up, your husband may die or leave, what's left of you? Who are you? Women are incouraged to be everything for everyone else but nothing for themselves. When we do, we are made to feel guilty or less than for it. Dongbaek needs to be away from him for while. How this is happening sucks but both of them have lessons to learn. If they don't live happily ever after I have wasted my 20 hours of my life. This is utter bullshit. I hope they're fucking with me. Episode 19 This would have played out differently if she had a daughter. This is literally why fuck boys are running amuck these days. Moms who use their sons (sometimes daughters) as substitutes for men and adult relationships. Boundaries. To love your dad so much even though he is a killer is unhealthy. Sik needs psyhological help. It sends the wrong message that you need to or have to take you parents (family members) bs just because they are parents (or family.) In hindsight, a red flag. I don't want Dongbaek to be a match. I don't want her to give her kidney. I don't like the idea of someone younger giving someone older an organ. Once you've passed 50 you have lived your life. The donor should be the same age or older and preferably on their death beds. Especially in Dongbaek's case. What if something goes wrong and Pil looses his mother and grandmother? You going to let that man-child raise him? I would never be okay with taking any organ from my kid. Episode 20 So it was the handy man? I was right bitches. And his dad is covering for him. Wow let it be known that Episode 7 I called it! He was framing his dad and playing everybody. Why didn't he kill Ma tho? Loving people and being kind-hearted is so fucking easy. Why do humans make it so hard?? I know these dramas are fiction but someone somewhere has lived a similar life. Where the fuck would I be if I didn't have an awesome mom and a loving family? Ongson feels like Stars Hollow. Them pants are rather high-waisted. That ended well. It had important lessons that I hoped someone learned from. Good story. Why I suspected the handy man? It's usually the character that can easily go unnoticed. He has access to the whole town, knew everyone and smart enough to cover his tracks. Everyone else was too obvious but the story did a great job of making me doubt my initial suspicion. Bravo. Low key miss clepto waitress. When she wasn't being a extortionist, she was a fun character.

[bucky-iss-bae]

Love Yourself (Stony) - Part 2

Fandom: Marvel Pairing: Stony (Steve x Tony) Summary: After Civil War Tony and Steves relationship falls to pieces as do both Tony and Steve - A Loose Enemies to Friends to Lovers - Very Loose. Warnings: Angst, swearing, I think I made Steve look like a really bad guy and a prick. But I do love him. A/N: So this is the first multiple part fic that I’m posting, one of many xoxo Hey all, here’s part 2 out of 3 on my Stony Fic. As a writer, I’m still growing so sorry if the characterisation is a little out, but hope you all enjoy x 

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Stony (Steve x Tony)

Summary: After Civil War Tony and Steves relationship falls to pieces as do both Tony and Steve - A Loose Enemies to Friends to Lovers - Very Loose.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, I think I made Steve look like a really bad guy and a prick. But I do love him.

Masterlist  Fandom List 

Love Yourself - Part 2 

Living in such close proximity to someone that Tony wanted to avoid was proven to be more difficult than he thought. Especially if he was still madly in love with that certain someone, yet wanted to avoid them like the plague. But of course, he would never admit the former to anyone. Ever.

But he understood that they shared mutual friends. That they had the same family, and that despite everything you can’t split up a family despite how heartbroken he was.

Tony had done the good thing of clearing everyone’s names from what happened in Germany, everyone aside from Bucky and Steve’s names. Despite it being more difficult than said, especially since they didn’t have a lot of trust in who didn’t want to go along with the accords.

The easiest if anything was to make sure Barton was free, seeing as he was ‘retired’ aside from the odd opp, or the cold cases he didn’t do much, he had SHIELD at his disposal yet the only person he took orders from was Fury.

Wilson was out of the goodness of his heart. He had a good relationship with Rhodey, and helped with his recovery and between Tony and Sam there was a mutual understanding.

T’Challa made sure that Steve and Bucky had their freedom, Tony couldn’t in his heart after everything that the three of them specifically went through to help them. They left him, so why should he help them?

Steve did try to talk to Tony, from time to time. Each time Tony nearly gave in. Nearly. Bucky, it was a different story, despite saying that Tony wouldn’t help them. He helped Bucky a lot.

After Bucky was put under in Wakanda, and once they returned to New York he had a new arm. One with nanotechnology that Tony understood and had to work with especially after missions to ensure everyone's safety.

Trusting either of them in battlefields wasn’t something he wasn’t comfortable with, instead it spiked his anxiety, and he soon realized they were trying to prove their worth, and trying to prove that they were on the same team as Tony.

Tony soon started to grow from everything. Over time he got used to living in the same space as his ex, he got used to being around Bucky. Started showing his face more around the compound, started eating more, sleeping more, smiled and laughed more. Peter helped with this, made him happier. But whenever he saw Steve he hurt on the inside. He hurt but he numbed that pain out, still ignoring him unless it was to do with a mission.

But the thing Tony didn’t realize that helped him heal was helping Bucky. Learning who Bucky was and how he wasn’t the Winter Soldier. The one that killed his parents.

When working on Bucky's arm, ensuring it was safe enough, or mending any damage through missions, they had to endure spending time with one another.

“Why are you doing this?” Bucky whispered one day in the lab. Just the two of them, sometimes Natasha, Wanda, or Sam were wandering around. This time it was only the two of them.

“For the safety of my team”

“I mean why didn’t you get Shuri involved, get her to do it rather than doing this when we both know you hate me”

“Because it’s easier if I do it. Now I really don’t want to talk Barnes because yes I do hate you. I hate you because you killed my parents. But I also hate you because I know it wasn’t you who killed them. I hate you because the first time I genuinely loved someone, I was left for dead by them. And as much as I know it’s not your fault. There’s no one else to blame Barnes”  

Bucky once again let the guilt fill him up after hearing this. He felt guilty over something he had no control over, Tony knew this and Tony regretted opening his mouth. Both in the lab too caught up in their own feelings to talk to the other.

Shuri had shown Tony everything, how scattered Barnes’ brain was. Shuri showed and explained the advance science behind everything. Tony learning so much more than he would’ve ever realized. How Bucky was closer to self-destructing than recovering was scary since the science behind it showed everything.  

Forgiving Bucky was not on Tony’s agenda, but he saw a piece of him in Bucky. He saw how they both suffered from anxiety, how they both were trapped in their own minds. Their own nightmares. They were both their own worst enemies. 

“I’m sorry, for everything I caused” Bucky whispered, his voice slightly cracking, “For taking away everything you’ve ever loved. Steve included. I know that you love him. I know that before I came back, the two of you were a couple. And I’m sorry I broke you both apart. I see it in Steve, he’s hurting because of it, he tries to hide it, but I know it’s my fault.”

“I know you never caused any of this Barnes. You didn’t break us apart. He has done that all by himself.”

Those few words between them allowed some air between them to be cleared up. It almost took their lack of relationship to another level. They knew they weren’t friends, but they knew they were along the way. The tension between them had been eased, which even allowed them to have time outside of the lab to talk and interact with one another.  

“What happened between yourself and Barnes?” Wanda asked getting coffee one morning.

“Nothing, why?”

“Well... in the last few days. You’ve spoken to him outside of the lab, joked with him, even asked how he was and if he wanted coffee.” She said waving her mug in the air.

“We talked it out a few days ago. I told him I understand. We now have somewhat mutual respect for one another”

“How about Steve. Have you two spoken yet?” She pushed 

Tony grimaced at that, “No. That’s different. Only in meetings”

She nodded her head before sipping on her coffee, “Peter will be here today, won’t he? For the weekend?” She asked, changing subjects.

“Yeah, Happy is getting the kid. His aunt said he can stay around as long as there are no secret missions. Not until he at least finishes high school, which I completely agree on”

“I’m sure being an Avenger will look better on his resume than a high school diploma,” Barton said walking in with Wilson and Barnes closely behind. Those two looked like they just got back from a run, Wilson going right for the juice in the fridge and drinking straight from the carton,

“Gross, man. Could you not the rest of us might want some of that as well” Barnes said taking the carton off of Wilson and drank from it as well,

“Hypocrite” Sam grumbled whilst Barnes grinned at him,

“I hate you, I really do. I cannot express how much I hate you”

“I love you too” Barnes winked at Wilson before turning his attention on everyone else.

“So the spider kid is coming today then huh?”

“You two are not allowed to bully this kid and this is coming from me,” Clint said whilst putting an unhealthy amount of sugar into his coffee.

“Us? Bullying him? That’s preposterous, outrageous, completely absurd. We are fine gentlemen of this community, some of us being part of the elderly community, and you know what the old folks are like” Sam said throwing a hand on Barnes’ shoulder, “They just hate the youth sometimes. The youth and their technology, and memes. So maybe, just maybe, this old age pensioner has a slight dislike towards him or acts differently towards him because they were both raised in New York in completely different times, and he’s just not with it any longer. But nah jokes aside, in reality, the kid is good fun, we never bully him it’s all fun and games, he knows that, and we know that, he’s our friend!”  

“The kid talks a different language. It’s slightly scary. I still have no clue what memes are, I don’t even understand what Wilson says most the time” Barnes grumbled.

“You see what I always gotta deal with?” Sam asked,

“Hold up, what you gotta deal with?” Clint asked.

“Thought you could see anything Hawkeye” Wanda smirked at him.

“Wait what?” Tony asked looking between everyone.

Sam and Bucky were just stood there rising their eyebrows and smirking at everyone else,

“Same man. Same” Clint murmured, “So are you two bangin’ or what?”

“Thought that was obvious about a month ago?” Sam said while grinning.

“But you hate each other” Tony Pitched in, “You bitch about one another to each other all the time, all you ever say to me is how much Wilson annoys you whenever I’m fixing you up”

“My way of showing affection and love.”

“Damn, that has fucked with my mind Wanda how did you know?”

“How would I not know?”

Tony realized how this changed the friendship between Steve and Bucky. How it was a friendship, but that didn’t change Tony’s betrayal, all it confirmed was that Steve didn’t have romantic feelings for Bucky when he left with him.

“You know it’s like women have a sixth sense in this type of stuff? Because it's creepy how you guys always see more than we ever do” Barton asked Wanda.

“I’m sure your wife can answer that for you Clint”

Clint looked confused and looked at Tony who shrugged, “Don’t look at me man, I’m not your wife”

Clint just snorted at that but not long later Peter arrived at the compound happy to see everyone.

**

Despite being around his friends and the closest he could get to family, Steve had never felt more alone. He was a fugitive for so long, constantly on the run and it meant he could never stop to think, but now everything was back to normal, he was missing one of the most important people in his life. That person was Tony Stark.

Since Siberia, and everything that was revealed, Steve hadn’t been himself. He was on one hand reunited with his best friend since childhood, his best friend for just under a hundred years, but at the cost of losing the love of his life. The man he could see himself spending the rest of his life with was on the other side of the fight in Germany, and things were different from there on. There might’ve been a chance for recovery at that stage, but Siberia burnt that down. The fight between Tony and Bucky essentially meant he had to choose a side.

Either way, he would’ve regretted who he chose, but he knows that Bucky needed him, and he knows that he doesn’t regret it as much as he would’ve to leave Bucky.

But now, now everything is back to normal, everything aside from the relationship between Tony and Steve. Even Bucky and Sam had one another, and Steve was happy, happy that his both of his best friends had one another, despite their relationship being different than others, they knew they loved each other despite the mocking arguments that they have, their way of showing affection.

Since being back, Steve has tried ways to take his mind off of being so close to Tony yet so far, it involved training up SHIELD agents, despite his tarnished reputation, it involved training constantly doing anything to get his mind off of Tony, but he couldn’t.

He knew that Bucky and Tony had repaired their non-existent relationship, that they spoke more so than Steve and Tony had in the last few months. And at this point, Steve just wanted to at least talk to Tony, allow them to try to repair the tension between them. The last time he tried, Tony was in a bad place, and since he hasn’t been as bad in terms of eating and sleeping, and talking with everyone else because now the only person in the compound he kept his distance from was Steve.

Steve watched him, made sure he was ok, he got Sam to keep an eye on him, he constantly asked Natasha for updates on him, same for Wanda.

“You need to talk to him, Steve. Both of you are exactly the same, but he feels betrayed by you. He says he got over it, everyone knows he hasn’t and won't. So the two of you need to talk”

“He won’t talk to me, Nat. He won’t”

“Last time he never, just try again. See if you can with the basics. Acquaintances, friends. Alright”

Steve just nodded unsure on how he would approach Tony again after last time. This time he figured he could do it in open space that was still away from everyone else, probably his lab, maybe the gym.

Which is where he managed to get Tony next, it was 3am, and the gym was empty when he went in there, unable to sleep and he knew the only things he could do was go up against the punching bags.

He was shocked to see Tony there on the treadmill at such a late hour, and tony saw him, neither of them saying anything for a few moments,

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Steve asked Tony, saying the first thing that seemed reasonable to say.

“No” Tony replied back shortly,

Steve just nodded and went to wrap his hands,

“How... how have you been?” Steve warily asked Steve, his eyes shifting from the hand wraps to Tony.

“I’m in here at 3am, what do you think?”

Steve sighed, “Tony, we need to talk. We need to straighten things out. I need to apologise, I miss talking to you, I miss being around you”

Tony let out a bitter chuckle at this, “You are around me Steven. You're in my compound are you not?”

“That’s not what I meant Tony. You know this”

“You’re right, I do know this. How do I know you won’t betray me again Steven?”

“I can’t make up for what I’ve done in the past Tony. I’m sorry though, and I know sorry won’t cut it, but I want to build something between us again, I want to prove to you that I... I won’t betray you again. I won’t walk away from you again unless you want me to”

“And what if I do want you to? You’ve done it before, shouldn’t be too hard again should it?”

“You think it wasn’t hard for me? Tony, I Love you! I still do! I will always Love you. At that time I had to choose between the Love of my life and my best friend since before the damn war. It wasn’t an easy choice, but the way things went down in Germany, I wasn’t going to be easily forgiven for anything. So saving Bucky was all I could do at the time”

Tony had a grimace plastered on his face, “Bucky, I’ve spoken to him. Not a bad guy. Different from what I expected. I know it wasn’t him who killed my parents” Tony said ending the sentence with a whisper, “I know it was the Winter Soldier, Hydra. But he’s a good guy, him and Sam, they’re good for each other”

“How about us Tony. We were good for each other”

“We were” Tony agreed, “But that doesn’t mean I trust you, Steve. You knew everything, about how I felt, about how everyone in my life has walked out. The anxiety I have gone through in the last few years. Yet you, you do the same as everyone else”

“I’ve come back though. I wanted to be back with you Tony. I didn’t want to walk the way I did”

“You still did it though Steve”

“Let me prove to you that you can trust me then. However long it takes Tony. Let me prove myself, this time I will not walk away, I won’t betray you, just let me prove myself”

Tony looked at Steve with an intent look in his eye, “You got one chance Rogers. I’m still not over what happened last time. And this doesn’t mean we’re anything aside from acquaintances, friends even”

Steve couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face, and Tony couldn’t hold back the small smile on his, they both felt a small sense of relief. From going from Lovers to Enemies, they took a big step in order to become friends with one another again. And this time Steve will prove to Tony that it’s just him. And Tony may or may not try to be as stubborn as he is.

[ganymedesclock]

I’ve seen a couple of posts discussing how they don’t think Lotor is gonna stick to working with Team Voltron, but also that they’d feel bad if Allura gets her heartbroken because she’s clearly caring about him at this point...

Which... I don’t say this often as a Lotor fan who’s mostly in the camp of “you guys aren’t giving him enough credit” but I do think it’s very likely Lotor’s going to for some reason break off with Team Voltron for a while and settle back into being an antihero-antagonist before ultimately coming back around for the end of the series.

And y’know what I think? I think his friendship with Allura is completely sincere. There’s a lot of things I could point to about this- in particular, the fact that Lotor’s a method actor. He’ll fudge details and manipulate contexts, but he never straight up acts out something he doesn’t feel. Even in s4e3, the way he lies to Zarkon is using abandonment issues he genuinely has, that are completely Zarkon’s fault.

Lotor’s been studying Altea trying to feel connected to his heritage for a very long time. The Generals- the last group of people he took to- have many traits in common with Allura (they’re driven, proactive, calculating women)- and without them, it’s pretty obvious he’s quite lonely.

And if they’re doing what I think they’re doing- this could be an absolutely brilliant way to set up an allusion to the dynamic they had in DotU- the part of the dynamic where Lotor is Allura’s enemy, but hesitates and struggles with conflicting impulses because he doesn’t really want to fight her.

Letting them actually meet and become friends during a temporary allegiance is a nice way to let that happen without making Lotor a misogynistic sleazeball motivated by lust or someone who’s being “chivalrous” to the pretty girl which he can afford because she’s so much weaker than him- it sets them on much more equal footing.

Especially because of how much of an interesting hurt it’d be for both of them to go back to being enemies- for Allura, it’s a kick right back in the loss of Altea, in an area we’ve seen where she’s already quite sensitive, where she thought she could trust him, and much like her conflict with Keith in s2e8-s2e11, she’s going to have a lot of hurt she’s bringing to the table.

Lotor’s going to feel guilty because he’s already got reasons to doubt his own inclination to do things he feels like are necessary for survival, that he has no choice- that have burned him and people he cares about badly twice now (Narti, the White Lion) especially given how much emphasis he put on how Zarkon and Alfor used to be allies- and Zarkon betrayed Alfor.

Lotor and Zarkon may have very little in common, but the idea of following in his footsteps in any negative sense is gonna make Lotor squirm, big time. Especially because, while I don’t think this partnership is going to last, I don’t think that’s because Lotor never meant it, or planned to turn on them from the start- if anything, we see even in his initial altercations with Voltron he was very careful about when and where he provoked them, and if he had nothing to gain from getting their attention he genuinely tried to avoid them. 

At bare minimum, practicality would dictate that alienating Voltron is something he can’t afford. Given how precarious his grip on the throne is with the empire in civil war and how instrumental Voltron was in getting him there, those outlying commanders are gonna descend on him like a wolf pack if it doesn’t seem like he can call Voltron for help. When you’re surrounded by enemies, you really don’t want to shoot the one ally you have.

“But Clockie,” you might be saying, “didn’t you say yourself you think they’re gonna break off, and Allura is going to feel like he betrayed her?”

Yes.

Because we’ve seen Lotor make tactically unsound choices that he personally hates and doesn’t want to.

Personally, I think something is going to make Lotor go to Haggar- not the revelation that she’s Honerva, but, I think that might be something he’d exploit to flatter her (calling her “mother” and all). At this point, I’m not sure what exactly that would be- possibly knowing that Haggar has the power to revive the dead and trying to make amends by getting her to revive Narti with quintessence, possibly trying to steal Haggar’s greater knowledge of the rift.

It’s likely Sincline is going to reassemble under Haggar- which handily gets us our giant mecha fight that I still stand by, there’s no reason they would ever put in a second Voltron mecha and not have them duke it out. Especially when Sincline’s other-continuity predecessors- Predator Robeast, Dracotron, LoTron- have all had big climatic battles with Voltron, and 2/3 of them (Predator and LoTron) were controlled by Lotor himself.

But it’d also likely be the beginning of the end for the Generals’ relationship with Haggar. They might be estranged to Lotor, but if he makes amends enough that they work under him again... it stands that we saw in s3e5 and s4e3 that the Generals didn’t seem to realize quite the extent to which Zarkon and Haggar are cruel to their son. The whole team except Lotor is disturbed and shocked by the revelation that Haggar is having armed soldiers stalk him- and then when Zarkon puts the “kill on sight” order on Lotor’s head, they’re shaken.

But if Lotor goes to Haggar, and betrays Voltron to do it... we have a pretty good measurement for how Lotor’s going to respond.

The same way he responded to everything else he didn’t want to do but felt like he needed to for survival: Lotor’s gonna shut down.

This, narratively, would effectively build a lot of tension- if Lotor’s distant and quiet, it’d be hard to gauge how exactly he feels about betraying the team, if he regrets it, how he feels about the Generals again- and it’d nicely emphasize how even getting back together, even if he pays his way by fixing the damage he did at great personal expense (assuming he goes to Haggar to revive Narti) they’re not going to go back to being one big cozy family right away.

But even then... the Generals haven’t been able to completely turn off their empathy for Lotor. Of course not- there’s a reason why his seeming betrayal of them hurt. Their language and discussion of it in s4e5 and onward is rife with implications of, “we thought we could believe in him, we thought he’d protect us, we all trusted him, Narti trusted him.”

If Sincline unites as basically Haggar’s attack dog, Lotor’s also gonna stay in shutdown mode because that’s less painful than actually thinking about what he’s doing- easier to grit his teeth and tell himself that he needs this, he’s got his grand ideal of what they’re moving towards.

And that’s, ironically, going to be the wedge that I think drives the team away from Haggar. There’s a lot of facets in it- bringing Narti back is going to pull up the evidence that Haggar sabotaged them in the first place, the obvious evidence of Lotor’s parents’ abuse is going to get under the generals’ skin even when they’re not sure about reconnecting with Lotor, and even if Lotor is going against his own self-preservation to work with Haggar, he’s going to do everything he can to protect the generals, especially if he went into this to save Narti.

But that deeply unstable partnership could easily limp along just far enough that Lotor and the Generals could use Sincline to reopen the rift- so when it falls apart, Haggar can shrug it off and have exactly what she needs to go to full final boss. Heck, assuming they’re gonna bring Zarkon back for the final round in some form, that could be when she does it- finally giving him the full revival he’s been in need of since s2e13.

After all, they’re gonna need to really beef up the threat posed by the bad guys in order to call for two Voltrons to fight it. 

[survivaltricks]

------- ( alicia vikander + cisfemale + she/her ) — there’s a rumor running around about a survivor called danneel laundin. they are said to be twenty nine years old, from lowell, oregon , and have been labeled the arcane. fitting, considering that they are reported to be equanimous + versatile, as well as aloof + uncompromising. they reside in fort point and are a deputy. apparently they are a bisexual + scorpio. worn leather,  empty bullet casings. 

hiya babes ! i’m nae, she/her, 19  --  although :/ i have all the traits of a Grandma™ -- i’m currently studying animal studies at college,  i’m from good ol’ straya, and my favourite past time is Destroying the lives of my ocs !  it’s lovely to meet ya’ll ! i’ll be writing danneel laundin, who was loosely based off an old oc that i’ve been playing in hs for awhile now, but i’m so EXCITED so let’s get down to the itty bitty bits, huh ! 

also that . .  .  .beautiful . . .angelic. . . .smile? Fake. don’t trust it, she’s a SNAKE. 

tw. murder, alcoholism.

 born danneel eve laundin   (  call her nell !  )   at the coffee creek correctional facility   (  after mama got arrested nine months prior due to theft   &  fraud offences. n*ce !  )   to parents staffan  &  petra laundin  ---  staffan owned the local lowell hunting  &  tackle  store  and  petra  was.  .  .  .  the  ol’ rapscallion of town  ---  a couple that admitted their relationship was created purely for the convenience rather than affection  &  the child that formed was not one of love, but one from drunken foolishness.  the only two things they managed to agree on was ONE. they hated the thought of being stuck together for the remainder of their days and TWO. they hated the thought of being stuck together for the remainder of their days with a child. 

petra was in and out of the correctional facility for the majority of her child’s life, and danneel learnt not to grow attached to the flighty woman that’s forever leaving  --- many times a toddler shed some tears for the woman that would barely give her a glance when she walked in the front door from a late night or the months spent behind bars. danneel is only young when she learns that a hard heart is a safe heart, and the ice thickens around her own  ---- which is inevitable considering the parental figure she was forced to be raised by. staffan laundin is all sharp edges  &  intimidation, an icy shell and even icier core that never falters, and a man that never shows affection, softness, nor smiles. emotions are absent in this household, and any tears or laughter danneel emits is scolded. he despises her, she can tell, because he wanted a son, not a daughter. 

danneel spends her childhood struggling to gain her father's respect  --- afterall, a girl can’t keep up with him, nor can she be trusted to man his store, or go on hunts. she fights hard to keep up with his pace  &  prove her capabilities, and eventually the constant scowls  &  stern tones from the Old Prude eventually subdue  ;  he teaches her how to fire a rifle, how to track her game, how to navigate the wilderness, how to be HUNTER and not hunted.

danneel is only fifteen when her mother is convicted of second degree murder, and petra laundin pleads guilty to the crime, receiving a lifetime sentence   ----  the laundin’s weren’t a well off family. the store her father owned was a unreliable source of income that often left meals being replaced with whatever game steffan managed to drag home, but following the conviction of petra, the town of lowell refused to purchase off the family who murdered one of the most respectful men in town. reputations run wild, and soon speculations began that it was a family ordeal, and even the father and daughter are shunned.

the remainder of danneel’s school life was brutal, spawning a defensive streak  &  sharp tongue that gets her into more trouble than not. she drops out of highschool, works at her dad’s full time at her father’s store. eventually, she moves one town over; gets a job at buckhorn tavern  &  feels settled  ----  she makes sure visit mom once a year  (  two if she can help it.  )  and her dad every few months. but danneel doesn’t have much sentiment for family, she doesn’t have much sentiment over anything.

following the news of the virus, danneel instinctively retreats to her father who, just like any other visitation, is passed out on the floor due to drink. lowell remains secure for a good week before people start to panic when mrs. kluger decides to take a chump out of her husband down the road  &  the whole town gets taken by the dead  ---  the laundin’s take refugee in the hunting cabin, and do what they’ve done for years ; hide from the world, survive on their own. 

danneel spends a year there, and besides the odd infected that gets caught in a trap or bangs on their front door, that year is peaceful, for the apocalypse. staffan comes home with dinner looking like he’s been through the war  --  scratches line his neck  &  there’s a bite wound on his shoulder  -- and danneel doesn’t wait to put him out of his misery, she pulls the gun on him then and there.

she remained on her own after that tbh. she didn’t join any other camps, avoided interaction with anyone (  was with one chick for awhile tho?? uh , ,her name was blair ?? or brigid ?? briar?? danneel might have left her 2 Die.  ) in fact, she avoided the human species for the entirety of her travel to san francisco, and even then, the thought of  joining a camp? Disgusting, but she took a liking to fort point. found the people who resided there  .  .  .interesting, adopted the title deputy and for the most part does a pretty darn good job, if i do say so myself !

except the moral compass is a little iffy, but it’s Fine. for the most part she’s ok. the other parts she’s a Rude Ass DEVIL who needs to learn to keep her gun in her holster ! gosh.

has a really good sense of judgement tho, , ,not trying to justify her Bad Habits because i disapprove of everything she does, but she’s very much like a hybrid between carol peletier and, , ,Vengeful rick grimes??  

wanted plots.

what up, i have the creativity of a Teaspoon, my dudes  ✌️   i will work?? on my wanted plots page now in more detail ?? but?? 

she’s one Mean Bean, give me someone who pulls her up on her bad social skills !! or scolds her for trying to kill the prisoner, because she saw him do a Suspicious Blink Sequence that looked like morse code and now she thinks he’s a camp SPY

a friend?? what’s that?? more like Moral Support & Mutual Respect. maybe even a drinking buddy?? someone that might have even been able to get some Juicy facts out of her !

Mm. angst. let’s give her an enemy too because that’s always fun ! probably someone she disagrees with?? or took a dislike to?? or she distrusts?? or maybe it’s the other way around. either way, let’s get 'em riled up !

a softie that nell has taken under her wing?? nell isn’t one for emotional commitment, but this person?? why aren’t you standing up for yourself?? here, let me Kill this guy for you--

uh ---- that’s all my brain can handle at this stage. Come Back in 3-5 Business Days For More ! 

[momo-chiiin]

Daffodil (2)

Pairing: Kris x Ralsei (Deltarune)

Summary: Daffodil. That’s what you get when your love is unrequited.

Word Count: 2k+

Warning: Hanahaki disease, character death

A/N: Part 2 as fast as I can (???) Here’s the thing on Wattpad - Daffodil

Two years had already passed since that day. Two years where Kris has suffered multiple times, two years where Ralsei wouldn’t change his mind and actually love him back, so he could get rid of this illness that was slowly killing him, two years where Susie would try her best to not hold a grudge against Ralsei just for not feeling the same. Two years of just too much suffering. Kris could still remember when he had told Susie about the beginning of his illness. He remembers he told her just because she found him coughing hardly, with some petals going out of his mouth. —Dude, what the hell?!—She screamed, panicking, without knowing what to do. Yeah, she knew about the legend, but it was only that, a legend, right? She helped him to recover after that. Since they were at school, and lunch was over, she told Alphys she would take Kris to the nursery, and left after an evil glare that said “don’t tell her mom”. Of course, maybe Alphys thought she did something against him (after all, even though they were friends now, she was still known as a bully, right?), but she didn’t mind. Kris was her priority right now. After Kris calmed down, cleaned the blood and petals from his face and sweater (or at least, enough so his mother wouldn’t panic), the interrogatory begun. —Is not what I think it is, is it?—She asked, hopefully. Why would Kris eat flowers anyways? But he just stayed silence. Susie’s eyes widened in fear—. Dude. Dude. The fuck? I mean, I know I was the one who reminded you about all that Japanese garbage! But, it was just for you to confess… To… She looked at the ground, staying silence, and so did Kris. Normally, Susie would be a little pissed about Kris being so unresponsive and unexpressive. But now, she didn’t care. —Did you…—Susie tried, failing to find her voice because of how shocked she was—. Did you confess to Ralsei? Maybe this will be fixed if you told him the truth? You know, Noelle told me that would be fixed if your feelings were mutual…! The sad look Kris gave to Susie, and the petals that came after that were enough of an answer for her. —Dude… Why didn’t you tell me?—She sounded more sad than pissed, though Kris could tell she was angry at him—. It’s been a week, Kris. I respected that you didn’t want to tell me, I thought you were just a coward who didn’t confess, but I didn’t want to make feel for it!—As she talked, her voice was getting higher and higher—Did you really thought you could hide this from us?! From me?! I thought we were friends, Kris! We are almost always with each other, did you seriously think you could hide it from me?!—At this point, she was standing. She punched a wall, kind of breaking it, and then stayed silent. Kris took a moment before talking —I didn’t want to worry you. And Susie knew he meant it, since he actually told her. After that, Susie would be with him, being his accomplice with all of this. He begged her to not tell anyone. Not Noelle, not his family, and not Ralsei. And after so much begging, she told him not to worry. But of course, Susie would search everywhere for anything that would heal his friend. Doctors, magicians (there weren’t many at this point), pills, everything. Nothing. She would have to stick to the idea of her friend dying because a fucking fluffy goat monster wouldn’t love him the same way he did. Susie tried her best to not be angry at him. It wasn’t his fault; love wasn’t something you could just make it appear. It takes time, maybe even more than one life to appear. But when she had to see Kris spilling millions of petals at once because he didn’t want to spill them with Ralsei around, when he would be weak for it, when he was in pain, she couldn’t miss the desire of punching the prince on the face. And she couldn’t believe how oblivious people was. Was everyone just too stupid, or Kris just a really good actor? She couldn’t tell anymore. At one point, she started to leave the two alone. Maybe if they tried hard enough, Ralsei would reciprocate Kris’ feelings, right? —Hey, Kris…—Ralsei said one day, after one more time of many others that Susie left them—…Is Susie mad with me? Did I do anything? Kris knew it wasn’t good for his heart, but seeing Ralsei with such a sad expression, full of guilt he didn’t deserve, made himself bad. He took his hand and smiled kindly. —Don’t worry, she just really likes to hang out with Lancer—He said, trying to make the goat feel better. —Are…Are you sure?—He asked, and Kris just nodded—. Alright then! I believe you! After all, I’m pretty sure Susie would have told me by now if she was angry, right?—He smiled again, cheerfully. Kris couldn’t avoid to blush. Ralsei was just too pure, too nice, and too innocent. So beautiful. Kris just wanted to lean in and… He had to repress his urgency to vomit. He knew what would come out of his mouth, and he was determinated to not let Ralsei know about this illness. He didn’t want the fluffy monster to worry or to feel guilt he didn’t deserve. After all, it was Kris’ fault for falling in love. Who would ever love him, anyways? --- Kris didn’t live enough to know that answer. After two long years, full of pain, lies and misery, he passed away because of the illness. Everyone but Susie were surprised. But everyone felt the same, awful pain. The whole town cried his death. There were no monster who didn’t cry after knowing the bad notice. But Kris knew was coming. He knew it was time to leave. He made letters for everyone that was close to him. His parents, his brother, Susie, Noelle, Lancer. Ralsei. He would regret not having the chance of going on a date with him. Holding his hand, having a nice time, and end the day with a nice, and lovely kiss. Each other calling nice and cute names, flirting, and see Ralsei failing at flirting because he was just too embarrassed. But more than that, he would regret that he didn’t live enough to see if Ralsei would share the same love he did. But that was okay. No matter what, Kris would never regret the fact that he loved him with all his soul and being. He left Ralsei’s letter with Susie’s. He knew she was the only one who could give it to him. --- Ralsei was worried. It’s been two days since either Susie or Kris came to the Dark World. Sure, they had lives on the Light World, but they would always tell him they wouldn’t appear beforehand. His worry only intensified when he saw Susie approach him, with a dead expression on her face, her eyes telling that she spent hours, days crying, with a letter in hand. The letter had his name. --- Ralsei went to the funeral. So did Lancer. Everyone was surprised about the little goat. He was just like a little Asriel. But nobody asked anything to him. Just mutual condolences. Ralsei only talked to his family, apologizing deeply, without them really understanding. —Please don’t worry—Toriel said, smiling, a small smile, but not less kind—. Ralsei just frowned. Of course it was his fault. But he didn’t tell them that, so he just went to the back of the funeral, away from everyone. He didn’t deserve to be too close to him.  He didn’t deserve his love. He went to the light world, with the letter in hand, a white ribbon on the other. Either Ralsei or Lancer had the chance to actually enjoy the Light world. How would they, knowing his best friend just died? The best friend who saved them all, but they couldn’t save? How could they enjoy the town his friends came from, when all the town was crying Kris’ absence? They went back home the same day.  --- Susie kept going to the Dark World. They would be together, telling the whole town about his death, so nobody would be worried in vain about his absence. But now, two whole towns cried for him. The rest of the fun gang would go to Ralsei’s castle to talk about Kris. They wouldn’t talk about sad stuff; they would remember him with a smile. Susie would tell them the weird stuff he did in class, the things her mom or brother told her. Lancer would talk about the times they were enemies. Ralsei would just listen in full silence. The second they would leave him, he would shut in his room, and re-read the letter Kris left. “Dear Ralsei. Please don’t feel guilty about my death. There were nothing you could do. It was just what the world wanted. Remember when I told you I loved you? I remember you said you loved me back. But it wasn’t the same kind of love, you know? But I didn’t mind. I was happy just being your friend, if that meant we could be together, laughing and enjoying each other company. Remember all the times I would look sick or like I wanted to throw out? I was sick. Really, really sick. There’s a legend that said if your love was unrequited, flowers would start blooming on your lungs and heart, until you choke with blood and petals, and die. Kind of sad, right? My flower was a daffodil. It means hope and a new beginning, but it also means unrequited love. Ironic. I wanted to tell you the truth. You deserve to know the truth. I don’t blame you for not loving me the same way I loved you. You loved me regardless, and that was I could ever ask you for. Please remember me with a smile, and not with guilt and sadness. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t forget me. Always yours, Kris.” --- Months passed, and people would start recovering from Kris’ passing away. It was weird. They missed him, but they had to keep living, for him. Susie would be more time with Noelle. They became better friends since time passed, and they even confessed to each other (both of her letters with Kris begging them to finally confess their feelings for each other, or he would haunt them otherwise). They weren’t dating, though. It just wasn’t the moment. But each other company gave them comfort, and made Kris’ absence a little less awful. So happened with Susie at the Dark World with Lancer’s company. It wasn’t the same with Ralsei. With each day that passed, Ralsei would suffer more and more. He would go out less and less. Until one day, he stopped hanging out with his friends, and started to spent his days crying, sleeping and reading Kris’ letter. Lancer and Susie were really worried. They tried to talk to him, but the castle was always closed. They didn’t know how to get to him. Until one day, Susie broke the door. She went right to Ralsei, made him get out of his bed, and looked at him with an angry expression. —The hell you think you are doing?—She exclaimed, angry. Seconds passed, not a word from the other boy. He stunk, and loosed weight. That made her even angrier—. Do you think you are the only one who’s feeling awful about all of this?! Do you think the solution is to get away from your friends?! Treating yourself like this?!—Not a single word. She exhaled, trying to calm down—. Do you think this is what Kris would have wanted? That was it. That finished to broke the Dark Prince. —It’s… It’s all my fault—He said slowly, trembling, with his throat aching because he haven’t talk in so, so long—. Kris death. It’s my fault. He is dead because of me, because I couldn’t love him back like he loved me. He’s gone and it’s all my fault—He screamed, not knowing well how to express himself, and started crying. An ugly crying. Susie hugged him, startled for a sec. She hugged him tightly. —Listen to me. This is not your fault—She said, once long minutes passed and Ralsei’s crying became sobs—. You can’t force love to appear. That would have made everything worse. You loved him in your own way. He wasn’t angry at you because of it. None of us are. Don’t blame yourself. —How can you ask me to do that?! Kris is death!—Ralsei screamed, his voice cracking while he’s doing it, and he started crying again—. If only I knew better…! —Kris wouldn’t want you to treat yourself like this. —KRIS IS DEAD, SUSIE. Susie didn’t say a word. She just let Ralsei cry his eyes out, hugging him tightly, so he would know she was there with him. There was a time she wanted to not hold a grudge with him because he wasn’t loving Kris the same way.  But seeing him like this, made her fully realize he did love him. In his own way. After more than half an hour passed, Susie talked again. —I know how you feel. It’s not like we don’t suffer for Kris’ death, you know? We all blame ourselves, for our own reasons—She told him, slowly and quietly, so she wouldn’t piss him again—. But Kris wouldn’t want that, and you know that. Try your best for him. That’s all she told him, then stayed silent again, just hugging him. Ralsei started to understand. --- Two years passed since that. Almost three years from Kris’ death. Everyone missed him. But everyone kept their lives going, with him in mind. The Dreemurs missed him the most. Asgore and Toriel made up and are living together again as good friends, and Asriel visit them often. They would call Susie to go to Kris’ grave, and she would go for Lancer and Ralsei, and go all together. Ralsei went better since he talked with Susie. He apologized for his behavior with an embarrassed smile. Susie shrugged it off, telling him that was more like him. Kris wouldn’t be happy if Ralsei died because of guilt and self-hate. So he tried his best to not forget about him, but to understand the fact that Kris didn’t really leave him, because he was with him in his heart, in everyone’s heart. After some more months, Ralsei started to go with Lancer and Susie to Kris’ grave. He started to get along with the Dreemur family. He started to live again. After they spent time talking about Kris and his crazy doing in life, they would go separated ways; the Dreemurs to the dinner, the fun gang to enjoy the Light world together. Lancer and Ralsei would now enjoy the world where Kris came from, learning from and about it. Susie would love to teach them everything they wanted to know, and even learn things she didn’t know about. When they would go back to the Dark World, they would go to Ralsei’s castle (with the door now fixed thanks to the rest of the monsters, not before an apology from Susie), to enjoy in the garden full of flowers, and a small table with chairs to enjoy Ralsei’s cakes. Ralsei worked hard in his now fully bloomed garden. Not only him, but also Susie and Lancer worked hard on it. For Kris. A way to remember him.  A garden full of Daffodils. They meant “Unrequited Love”. But they also meant “Hope” and “A new beginning”. And for Ralsei, it held one more meaning. The most important one. The one who would always carry in his mind. Don’t forget.

[yanderel0v3r]

I NEED TO WRITE THIS FANFIC! BUT HERE SOME IDEAS I HAD, ENJOY!

LIKE—Ok... what about a BillyxSteve but Parenthood? YES, PLEASE!

-Where Billy is Bi and Steve gay only for him

-Billy, who IMMEDIATELY fell IN LOVE with Steve since the first time they met, keeps acting like a 5th grader with a crush

-Steve being confused by WHY does he feel WEIRD when he’s around Billy since he the first day they met

- Billy wishes to tell Steve what he feels but he doesn’t want his father to know he likes boys, otherwise Neil (homophobic) would beat him really badly or WORST

-The two of them being ENEMIES and acting like they hate each other but they actually want to be friends but they don’t know how

- Billy calling Steve “Princess” and LOVING the fact he gets nervous for that

- Steve acting like he hates it when Billy calls him like a girl (won’t admit he KINDA likes it)

-Billy sometimes visiting AHOY JUST to tease Steve and embarrass him

-Steve feeling SUPER angry/cringy/happy to see Billy and turning red when he calls him “Princess”

-Robin KNOWS what going on and this is why she ships them and teases/ tries to convince Steve that Billy likes him and also asks him if he does too (even if she knows the answer)

- Steve PANICKING and acting like he doesn’t understand what she’s talking about and running away to avoid the topic

-Steve never visiting the pool where Billy works because he would COMPLETLY stare at him

-The two of them getting invited to a party and at first IGNORING each other and FAKING to be interested to some random girl but actually wondering what the other is doing and getting kinda JELOUS

- Billy getting SO drunk that he KISSES Steve (who doesn’t refuse or kiss back) and when he realizes what he has done they start arguing and in the end they fight (and they actually missed that) but Steve get messed up

- Steve is shocked and tells everything to Robin who just fangirls over them

- The kids wanting to revenge for Steve and Max hating Billy for being such an asshole

- Billy felling guilty so he goes to say sorry to Steve how doesn’t believe what he’s earring, then they pretend it was all because of alcohol and say they’re cool

- Billy visits Steve more often and not only they unexpectedly become FRIENDS but also Billy decides to trust Steve and tell him about his father’s abuse while Steve revels he always feels alone since his parents are NEVER home

-Steve calling Billy “Pretty Boy”

-Steve introduces Billy to his “children” who are so scared of him but then they start liking him and Max is happy to spend nice time with her step-brother (who start to be nice with everyone)

-Billy driving to Steve to be comforted by him when his father beats him, Steve appreciating company and letting him stay the night when Billy doesn’t want to go back home

-Billy eventually confessing his feelings for Steve BUT OH NO Steve rejects him because his not sure of what he feels BUT OOOH NOOO Billy takes it wrong and feels like Steve is making fun on him for liking him so he warns him he would be dead if he told anyone

-Billy feeling patetic/heartbroken and being a piece of sh*t again with Max or anyone and scaring the kids that are Just like WTF

- Steve realizing he’s an idiot and asking Robin for help and she’s like I KNEW IT so after she facepalms she tells him to tell Billy the truth

-OH WELL Billy was so fucking pissed that he decided to move on (to try at least) so when he meets The Reader and make up

-Steve seeing them together at the pool so he feels like he’s a TOTAL IDIOT again then Billy’s eyes met his and Steve feels so intimidated by him that he runs away realizing he has ruined everything

-Times pass, Billy and Reader are dating, being an actual couple while Steve has been trough depression, smoking marijuana again. A LOT.

-Robin and the kids worried for Steve since he has isolated himself and stopped working but they don’t know why (but Robin does and keeps it secret)

-Steve finally deciding to go out bit meets Reader so he tells her to tell Billy he’s sorry since he’s too scared for he’s reaction but he doesn’t tell her anything else

-Reader asks Billy what happened between them but he stays quiet and becomes cold

- UM she can tell he doesn’t really love her but he can absolutely trust her so he confesses her that he loves Steve but at the same time he love you too but he can’t stop thinking about him

-SHE SUPPORTS HIM saying there’s nothing bad about being in love with him

-Billy visits Steve and he is schocked by how sick he looks, and Steve is so happy to see him that he hugs him tight surprising Billy.

-They talk, and talk and they are almost at the point to confess each other’s feelings but NOPE thing gets complicated because OoOPs Readers is pregnant and Billy and Steve are like OH SHIT

- BUT HEY Billy get super happy and promises Raeders that he won’t never leave them, he would love to be a dad even if he’s still young BUT THERE’S A PROBLEM in fact Reader doesn’t won’t to be mother instead she wants to be an indipendent woman with a great carrier and babies are just not in her to do list.

-ANYWAY Reader continues pregnancy (she lives alone because her parents are always at work too) so keeping the baby secret it’s not a problem, Billy is with her during her pregnancy issues and keeps wondering what the baby will look like and he’s always the one to talk about the baby not Reader because she actually things about collage stuff

-Reader tells Billy that she would probably leave Hawkins and Billy says he’s ok if he will have to keep the a baby on his own but that is not what she meens in fact Reader tells him that he doesn’t have to fake love for her when he clearly still loves Steve but he doesn’t want to be regected again (even if its clear to everyone but Billy that Steve’s likes him)

- Steve is kinda jelous and sad, but obviously happy for them ANYWAY Reader can tell how in love he is with Billy so she encourages him to tell Billy the fu**ing truth SO HE RUNS AND FINALLY THEY KISS AND EVERYTHING

- They become a couple and they tell Reader, Robin, Max, the kids (when Steve’s tells them what is up with him and Billy) and Susan too

-Unfortunately Neil becomes aware of what happened and before he can hurt Billy badly Steve fight with Neil who is arrested by Hopper

- Steve, Billy and Reader deciding names together, hearing baby’s heart beat during visit, toching Raeder’s belly when baby kids and preparing baby’s stuff at Steve’s house ( since he talked to his parentes about how he feels about being literally abandoned for so long and being in love with Steve and they are both really sorry and happy for him and promise him to change, so it is)

- When baby’s is born Billy get SUPER EMOTINAL and Readers asks Steve if he want to hold her and they look like a perfect married couple

- The three stay together at Steve and while he has become like a full mommy, Reader prepares her stuff to leave the town (she can’t tell her parents because they are not open minded like her) she will obviously visit the, and be part of their family but she need to go to college.

-Fluff moment whit Billy and Steve being in love, Susan giving advices to them about parenthood, Max with Robin and the kids having fun with their daughter, Billy and Steve always playing with her, Steve cleaning the kitchen after baby made a mess since she wouldn’t eat the food Billy was trying to feed her, Billy putting her to sleep and singing songs and Steve thinking is so cute to watch, being anxious about what would happen if they live her alone for 2 seconds, staying both up late because she won’t sleep and giving each other turns to go see what’s happening and why she’s crying in the middle of the night, both actually super tired but truly happy

THANK YOU

I HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS

BUT LIKE —OMG PLEASE

IF SOMEONE WRITES SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PLS TAG ME OR SOMETHING

I NEED IT

HOPE YOU LIKE IT ❤️

(Sorry for bad grammar, English is not my first language)

[swordsandparasols]

Villains in Rebel: Thief Who Stole the People

Awhile back, I mentioned I had thoughts about Rebel: Thief Who Stole the People and villains, but kept not posting most of them.  A couple people requested that I do that already, so here goes:

 Consider this scenario:

 ***

 A young man from a noble family grows up somewhere in between “poverty” and “poor relation” with only his mother to guide him after his father is murdered by a robber.  As a child, he would play with his family’s servants, and one servant boy a few years older than him worked as his assistant in his studies and seemed very interested in learning, despite the fact that his social status would prevent him from every being able to do anything about those interests.  Years later, he enters a prestigious school for young scholars.  

 He soon befriends another young man of noble birth who also seems out of place among their more affluent classmates, as his new friend grew up in near-solitude on a mountain, with only his family for any constant companionship.  The two young men are taken under the wing of one of their teachers, and excel in their studies.  Some time later, their studies completed, the two friends enter the palace together in minor clerical position.  Somewhat by coincidence, their positions lead to their helping to expose a number of corrupt officials.  Along with a few other instances, this causes them to be brought to the attention of the king, and they are soon given new, more elevated positions.  The young lord is made a county magistrate, while his friend requests that he become an undercover investigator.  The young lord sets off to his new post, desiring little more than to do his job well, and to care for his devoted mother.

 An earnest and committed official, he advances quickly, and returns to the capital a few years later to assume a considerably better post, one that he has earned due to his talents. He is soon reunited with his friend, something that makes both young men happy, though they’re less happy with how each seems to have different interpretations of ho strictly certain laws should be upheld.  Something happens, though, and the young lord’s friend begins avoiding him.  Soon after, people in the court conspire to remove him from his new position and demote him, and he learns that his friend was the one responsible for it.  His friend offers him no explanation, and the young lord is given a new assignment:  to find and catch a bandit who has been attacking a number of noblemen.  

 This is when his mother drops the first bomb:  his father had not been killed by a robber, but rather, had been murdered by a servant who had deceived and kept money from his father, and blackmailed his mother to escape justice.  After murdering his father, the servant became a rich smuggler in a fishing village, effectively becoming the lord of that small community.  The servant is dead, but his second son, who grew up in wealth and luxury after his father caused the young lord to grow up in near poverty, is the bandit the young lord has been looking for.  In the following months, the young lord attempts to catch the bandit, and is even successful at one point, but faces frequent interference from his former friend.  Growing suspicious, the young lord investigates his former friend, and eventually learns that his friend is not who he claimed to be, and is someone else who stole a dead nobleman’s identity.  Then the second bomb drops:  His friend is the older son of the servant who murdered his father, and actually the boy who assisted in his studies, and has been helping his bandit brother all along.  Worse, his former friend has corrupted part of the king’s army, and caused them to turn against the king and join his bandit brother.

 ***

 All the above could very, very easily be applied to any number of sageuk protagonists.  In fact, aside from a few very character-specific things, most of it has shown up plenty of times.  Revenge! Loss of position and rising in the ranks through hard work! Your closest friend becomes your worst enemy!  Rebellions! Etc.    The difference here is the perspective.  

 Su Hak did not “play with” the children of servants.  He was a bully who forced them to entertain him.  Amogae did not give little Su Hak rides on his shoulder out of fondness, he did it because Su Hak could have his parents abuse Amogae and his family if he displeased Su Hak.  Gil Hyun and his desire to learn were objects of contempt, the actions of an inferior being daring to think about desiring things reserved for people who were inherently superior by virtue of birth.  Amogae earned plenty money for his master, more than any servant had before, and the money he kept back was to attempt to buy the freedom of his family.  While Amogae did, indeed, straight up murder his master, he didn’t do it out of greed, but to avenge his wife, who died because of Lord and Lady Jo’s greed.  Gil Dong and co were, indeed, attacking noblemen, but they were corrupt noblemen who abused their position and the law.  Gil Hyun kinda did Su Hak wrong in ditching him and selling him out with no explanation after learning the truth about their past, but he had already started to realize that Su Hak was not quite the kind, openminded friend he had always seemed to be.  Their friendship was effectively over after the discussion of the husband who had been deemed just in murdering his wife for adultery.  Gil Hyun  (whose own mother had been falsely accused of adultery to justify the actions that caused her death) saw that it was an unjust and unequal law, and questioned whether the murdered wife had even been guilty, as friends and neighbors had seen nothing to suggest she was, and questioned whether the law could be considered a just law.  And if the law is unjust, then it should be corrected.  Su Hak agreed that there were problems with how the law was upheld, but not because it was unjust or unequal, but because some magistrates dared to make exceptions.  The law is the law, and is therefore justice in and of itself, circumstance and exception have no place in it.  Even without their then-unknown-to-them past, two men so fervently devoted to their own ideas of justice and interpretations of the law were going to end up in opposition to each other one way or another anyway.  Beyond that doomed friendship:  the king is a cruel monster.  Su Hak either does not see that or does and finds it irrelevant, because the king is divine and untouchable, and the troops who turned on him did so because they could not personally justify the blind patriotism that forced them to carry out the king’s monster orders.

 Here’s the thing: most sageuk villains are so very obviously villains at all times.  They can be well developed, they can be interesting, sometimes they stop being villains and become allies, but the villainy shows through at all times in one way or another.  That’s not the case with Rebel.   Su Hak is a very earnest and committed young officer who wants to take care of his mother and serve his country.  Lady Jo is a nice old lady who is devoted to her son, supports officials who she thinks are worthy and likes to meet her son’s friends.  Teacher Song is a good teacher who engages in politics and seeks the betterment of the country.  King Yeonsangun is a young king struggling to accomplish his goals in a court that still tries to test and manipulate him.  

 These aren’t false faces, they’re their true faces.  But they’re only one side if these characters.  Just like that sweet neighbor lady seems so kind and accepting until you see her confronted with something that doesn’t fit her personal moral world view, and voices opinions that make you feel nauseous and you don’t know if you should say something or just avoid engaging because who wants trouble with your neighbors?  Or she says she voted for Trump, and it’s suddenly like she’s a new, awful person. Lady Jo is a nice old lady who loves her son but is also horrifying in her obsessive devotion to the class system, and her desire to destroy anyone who challenges it.  Su Hak is an earnest and committed young official who is also a bigot, though he lacks his mother’s zealotry, and he couldn’t care less if the laws harm others because the law benefits him.  (His bigotry and social superiority also repeatedly cause his downfall, because they lead to his ignoring the advice of the two smartest and most observant people available to him.  (One because she’s a woman, even if it is his own mother, and the other because he’s a commoner.)  Teacher Song is a good teacher who wants what’s best for his country, and he doesn’t care who is hurt or what lives are destroyed in the process, including using and abusing children.  Yeonsangun was a young king who struggled against a court that wanted to manipulate and control him, and he’s also a king who is so drunk with his own divinity that he will destroy anyone who crosses him or interferes with him, and view everyone who is less divine as someone who exists for his personal enjoyment.

 With the exception of Lady Jo, we only saw the “good” faces of these characters for quite some time. Sure, we knew Song was up to something for quite a while, but it took a long time and a number of reveals to really know how awful he is.  History told us what to expect with Yeonsangun, but the show still made us question if maybe we should focus a bit less on the purges themselves and more on the actions of those who were purged.  We knew how Su Hak was raised and what he was like as a child, but he was just so nice and friendly as a student that we al hoped he had overcome both genetics and upbringing.  The thing is, none of the villainous revelations were surprising.  Shocking, sure, and Su Hak in particular was a punch in the gut to most viewers, but everything was always there,  the characters themselves simply sell their own worldviews to an astonishing degree.  This is WHY they’re good villains.  With the exception of Yeonsangun, they aren’t all villain all the time.  They’re normal people who have sides to them that we find reprehensible.

 Sidenote:  I don’t know if Su Ha was deliberately written to be a vicious deconstruction of sageuk heroes, but he’s a very good one.

 Pedo Prince (I still can’t be bothered to learn his name) is the only exception to this.  He’s all villain all the time, but he’s also by far-and deliberately-the least developed of the villains.  He’s dangerous because of his position and important to other villains because of what his position provides him, but he’s also pretty irrelevant as an autonomous character, and exists largely to help push the plot in certain ways.

  I haven’t included Mori or Noksoo in this because they’re harder to pin down, and I don’t think either qite qualifies as a villain.  The most truly evil thing about Mori is his eyeliner, and for the most part, the show has stopped him from carrying out the tasks he’s given that would really qualify as “evil,” either because someone stops him, he hesitates long enough for Gil Dong to swoop in, or he actually makes a choice for once.  His big issue is that that boy needs to just start making his own choices and attaching himself to better people, instead of attaching himself to awful people who use him and just going along with them.  Noksoo is a more complicated.  She’s ambitious, certainly, but we also know that at one point she saw herself as monstrous for what she perceived as her cruelty, when in truth, it was what she had to do to survive the life she was in.  The historical Noksoo was apparently quite the piece of work, but it’s hard to say whether or not the same applies to our Noksoo. She can be petty and cruel, but it’s hard to say how much is truly pettiness and cruelty, how much is to show the side that Yeonsangun likes (I mean, the dude pretty much fell in love with her after he learned she used him in an elaborate scheme too get revenge against her childhood abuser, obviously he likes her vicious), and how much is displaying cruelty herself so that Yeonsangun won’t exact a worse cruelty.

  This was written on Saturday but scheduled for Tuesday by request since the show is being preempted for presidential debates, so its entirely possible that something will happen on Monday to change my perspective on something in here and I won’t remember to update this.

[taylortheferret]

"All 100"

I’m gonna answer this for my fave person ever Sally. She has been through the ringer in my story. Time to dive into this 30-minute thing.

1. What do they smell like? Pre-Apoc usually Vanilla, Post Apoc probably stinky.

2. What is their voice like? She sounds like any average 15 y/o girl. 

3. What is their biggest motivator? Previously her mother. Now it’s Zoey.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory? Peeing in public, a few others.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain? Sally was always scared of pain when she was little. She’s dealt with the most injuries so far in my story. Getting shot probably would hurt less than falling off a roof when she was thrown off.

6. What do they like to wear? She currently wears a loose fitting sweater tucked into high waisted jeans. She wears all black vans with the pant legs cuffed above the ankle. Her childhood teddy bear is sticking out of her magenta backpack.

7. Which of their relationships has impacted them most positively? Her relationship with Zoey. Zoey helped her the most when Sally lost her parents, lost her close friend Kevin. He’s still alive, just a douche. Zoey is like an older sister.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten? Worms, squirrels, weird rat species in the woods.

9. Describe the way that they sleep. Currently, she hardly sleeps. Whenever they’re driving she tends to sleep then. Usually, they travel long distances in between safe zones; so everyone can switch off the driving shift and sleep somewhere in the van.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food? Sally loves (and misses) lumpia. 

11. What do they feel most insecure about? Bite scar, surgery scar from her landing from being thrown off that roof. Also her hair. It’s a lot wavier than when she was younger.

12. How do they like to dress? Comfy casual.

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt? Sally hates feeling guilty for anything but also knows that some guilt has to be dealt with because the choices she mad were the right ones.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal? When Sally eventually regrouped with her people, Sally kept the secret of what happened between her and Kevin. She wound up trying to kill him in revenge for trying to kill her.

15. What is their greatest achievement? Getting a lemon tree to grow

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep? She used to be grouchy, now she’s grouchy when she gets too much sleep.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk? She doesn’t drink. She tried alcohol by sneaking it but doesn’t like what it does to some people. 

18. What kind of music do they enjoy? She grew up listening to classic rock and classical music from her family, and occasionally the group will play some 90′s boy band music. 

19. Are they right or left handed? Left handed

20. Fears? Getting killed by a friend of hers

21. Favorite kind of weather? Cold, cloudy, November-February

22. Favorite color? Purple

23. Do they collect anything? Nope 

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more? Cold 

25. What is their eye color? Green 

26. What is their race/ethnicity? Caucasian 

27. Hair color? Brownish Red

28. Are they happy where they are currently? With friends? Yeah 

29. Are they a morning person? She’s an all day person 

30. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset 

31. Are they messier or more organized? Organized 

32. Pet peeves? Smacking while chewing food 

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance? Teddy Bear her mom bought her

34. Least favorite food? Seafood 

35. Least favorite color? Orange 

36. Least favorite smell? Rotten Food 

37. When was the last time they cried? When she realized Kevin is an enemy

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried? She was by herself

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured? Sally got bit by an old dude who got mad when her group denied to help him. 

40. Do they have any scars? Bite mark, Surgery Scar, some scrap scars on her knees

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues? None

42. Do they have any bad habits? Tapping her nails on objects 

43. Why might someone dislike them? She tends to be a mega bitch to strangers

44. Why might someone love them? Her honesty, and will to fight for her group

45. Do they believe in ghosts? No 

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives? Zoey King, maybe even David Roche

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone? Derek for a short time.

48. Are they dating/married to anyone? Nope

49. Do they like surprises? No

50. When is their birthday? April 23rd, 2002

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday? Not at all now

52. Do they have any family? Not anymore

53. Are they close to their family? Previously, yes.

54. What is their MBTI type? I didn’t feel like taking a quiz for it but she’s hella extroverted. 

55. What is their zodiac sign? Taurus 

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in? Ravenclaw or Slytherin. She can’t be Hufflepuff or Gryffindor with her attitude. 

57. What D&D alignment are they?  Chaotic good

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about? Occasionally of her parents, but she hardly ever dreams anymore.

59. What are their views on death? If it happens, it happens. 

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at? She always laughs when someone stubs a toe or hits their elbow.

61. When bored, how do they pass time? She plays board games with her group. Maybe they’ll play card games. 

62. Do they enjoy being outside? She’s out there a lot, so yeah. 

63. Do they have an accent? Nope

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction? It’s either 1. fake or 2. poisoned.

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say? If she was going to turn, she’d off herself and not let her group do it. If someone killed her, she’d want to be avenged.

66. How do they feel about sex? She doesn’t care for it, no children should be in the world they’re in anyway. 

67. What is their sexuality? Straight

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood? Nope

69. Is there anything that they find really gross? When people throw up.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them? Not sure what this means. Genre? TV Genre? Her life is a horror but her personality is a comedy.

71. Do they enjoy helping people? Yes, only those she knows.

72. Are they allergic to anything? Nope

73. Do they have a pet? Nope

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they lose their temper? She isn’t quick to anger, but when she gets angry she attacks. Usually verbally.

75. How patient are they? Pretty patient 

76. Are they good at cooking? Nope

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often? She doesn’t really insult people. Not in a joking manner either. She’s heard her group call, Kevin, an idiot so she calls him an idiot and doesn’t address him as his name.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy? She’s just upbeat and does a lot more leadership when she’s happy.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears? She does her best to avoid getting them scared unless it can’t be helped or they deserve it

80. Are they trustworthy? Yes

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it? No, but if she hides them she does it well.

82. Do they exercise regularly? Walking many hours on end, I’d say yeah. 

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look? Overall, yeah

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people? Dark hair, fit.

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive? Smart, funny, tough.

86. Do they like sweet foods? No

87. What is their age? 15

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between? In between

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts? None

90. Do they consider themselves attractive? I guess so?

91. What is their sense of humor like? She cracks jokes often. 

92. What mood are they most often in? Neutral-happy.

93. What kinds of things anger them? Dumb people. evil strangers, betraying friends.

94. Outlook on life? Neutral; thinks it won’t get better but shouldn’t get much worse.

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed? Losing a friend, favorite object, or the thought of losing her teddy.

96. What is their greatest weakness? The teddy, her parents.

97. What is the greatest strength? Physical? She can kick hard, and high.

98. Something that they regret? Not actually killing Kevin

99. Biggest accomplishment? Surviving, adapting, learning, growing, thriving, biting the bullet and pushing forward because otherwise, you’re dead.

100. Create your own! Favorite animal? Dogs.