#because it's exhausting! it is EXHAUSTING constantly having to defend a thing even while trying to criticize it

[crossdressingdeath]

You know what the most frustrating thing about DAV criticism is at the moment? It's that I do in fact have criticisms. Quite a few, actually. It's a Bioware game, of course I have criticisms. No one I've spoken to or whose posts I've seen thinks it's perfect or above criticism. But the thing is, I—and I imagine a lot of other firmly positive blogs—know that if I share any of those criticisms, if I make posts discussing them and talk about the game's flaws, I will immediately be inundated by people using those complaints to insist that the whole game is garbage and the writing is bad and Bioware's a terrible studio who can't make good games and DAI (of all fucking games) was so much better and blah blah blah blah. I know that because it's happened every goddamn time I've made a less-than-positive post about DAV. And I don't have the energy to deal with that! The endless stream of bad faith criticism wears me down and having to constantly stop to defend a game I like when I'm trying to discuss its flaws because if I don't (and frankly half the time even if I do) people will use my posts to claim the whole game is garbage is exhausting, and fandom is supposed to be fun. So I can't discuss DAV's flaws on tumblr if I want to avoid that, and it is infuriating. I see people bitching about toxic positivity and people refusing to acknowledge the game's flaws, and I really want those people to take a second to consider: do the game's fans ignore its flaws and refuse to accept that anything about it is bad? Or have you created an environment that is so toxic that no one who likes the game wants to risk getting your attention by mentioning what's bad about it and they respond more aggressively than is warranted to even genuine critique in an attempt to ward you off? Because there will always be assholes who claim that genuine problems are Fine, Actually, Stop Being Such A Baby... but if people can't address the game's flaws in public without immediately getting dragged into five different arguments about how it is in fact ultimately a really solid game, they're not going to do it no matter how much they recognise those flaws.

[willowsnook]

tall scotch & coke?🩵

oscar piastri x bsf!reader

just shut up and come here

-----------------------------------------------------

Fans on social media didn’t know what to think of you. Many called you a clingy wannabe WAG, which always made you laugh because you knew the truth: your best friend Oscar was the clingy one. Since your job was remote, he insisted you travel with him to every race, always wanting you by his side.

Oscar was constantly touching you, always needing you close, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by cameras. The confusion about whether you two were dating or just best friends was endless.

At this point, Oscar took up so much of your time that you were pretty sure you’d end up together, but you liked how things were and never said anything. Oscar never gave any indication to the media either way, preferring to keep things private—even though his constant PDA made that nearly impossible.

“Hey, Y/N!” Lando called out as you entered the garage. It was qualifying day in Baku, and you were sipping on water, trying to survive the heat. “Where’s your other half?”

“Caught up talking to Alex,” you replied.

“How long until he realizes you left him?” Lando joked.

“Any minute now,” you said, glancing at your phone. Sure enough, Oscar came strolling into the garage, his eyes relaxing the moment they found you.

“You guys make me sick,” Lando muttered as he walked away, and you giggled. Oscar plopped down beside you, swiping your water bottle to take a sip.

“Feeling good?” you asked, and he nodded.

“Yeah, just ready to get started. Are you watching with my mom?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen her yet,” you replied, frowning.

“There she is,” Oscar said, pointing out his mom as she walked in.

“Y/N!” she called out, completely ignoring her son as she pulled you into a hug.

“Good to see you too, Mom,” Oscar pouted, earning a playful scoff from her.

“Whatever,” she teased before wrapping Oscar in a hug too.

Once Oscar left to prepare for the session, you sat with Nicole to watch Q1. During a break, she took off her headphones and gave you a knowing look.

“So, when are you two finally going to get together and make my heart happy?” she asked.

You laughed and shrugged. “We’re good where we are now. The ball’s in his court, but honestly, I don’t see any reason to change things.”

"It would just save me a lot of work if you didn't have to use the guest room when you are over all the time," she teased and you blushed. You weren't sure if she knew that Oscar often appeared at the door past midnight, begging you to sleep next to him.

“There’s so much media spotlight on him. I think he’s worried it’ll be too much,” you said honestly, and she nodded.

“But you want to be with him, right?” she asked, her motherly concern showing through.

“I can’t imagine life without him,” you admitted, and she smiled.

Oscar qualified P2, and when he returned to the garage, he pulled you into an exhausted hug. He led you to his room and plopped you onto the couch while he changed.

“Ready to go?” he asked after catching you scrolling through TikTok. You nodded, and he took your hand, leading you out of the garage.

That night, as usual, you ordered takeout and put on Goodfellas—Oscar’s pre-race ritual. By the halfway point, like clockwork, Oscar was passed out. You watched him for a moment, his peaceful face making your heart swell. Gently shaking him awake, you guided him under the covers and kissed his forehead before slipping out of the room.

Race day arrived, and as always, Oscar was more reserved. You squeezed his hand in silent support, letting him know you were there if he needed you.

The race was intense, especially when Oscar overtook Charles on lap 20 and then had to defend his position for the rest of the race. You nearly jumped out of your seat when he crossed the finish line in first.

Gathering with Nicole and the team behind the barrier, you watched as Oscar finished his victory lap. You laughed as he stumbled out of the car and hugged his team, pulling off his helmet. Then, his eyes locked on yours, and he headed straight for you.

It wasn’t unusual for him to hug you after a podium, but the way his hands grabbed your waist and pulled you over the barrier into a kiss definitely was.

“Oscar!” you gasped in shock as you pulled away, and he just smirked.

“Just shut up and come here,” he murmured, pulling you in again. You smiled against his lips, finally getting what you’d both been dancing around for far too long.

When you finally pulled apart, breathless, you couldn’t help but laugh, your forehead resting against his. “You really know how to make an entrance, don’t you?” you teased, still feeling the buzz from the adrenaline of the race and now from the kiss.

He chuckled, his hands still resting on your waist, keeping you close. “Figured it was time to stop hiding,” he said, eyes locking onto yours with a tenderness that made your heart skip a beat.

Around you, the team was clapping and whistling, while Nicole stood nearby with a knowing smile on her face. Lando’s voice cut through the noise, “Finally! Took you long enough, mate!”

Oscar rolled his eyes but didn’t let you go. “They’ve been waiting for this as much as we have, huh?” he asked, his voice low so only you could hear.

You nodded, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. “Apparently, we weren’t as subtle as we thought.”

He tilted his head, smirking. “Guess the PDA gave us away.”

As you stood there wrapped in each other’s arms, surrounded by the team’s celebration, you realized that this was exactly where you were meant to be. By Oscar’s side, as you had been for so long, but now, with nothing standing between you.

[anifever]

can you pls do an outsiders x Nerdy fem reader? Like, braces boy band fangirl who rants about comics type. Would rather have it being Curtis sister reader but you can do whatever, tyy <33

Gang w/ a Nerdy!Reader ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

The Outsiders x Fem!Reader

୨୧ : The Curtis gang with a nerdy reader

A/N : This is kinda bad bcs I get unmotivated to write sometimes but I swear I’m trying omg. Also I didn’t do Curtis sister simply so it’d be more ambiguous, sorry 💔 Anyways this is literally me except I just don’t have braces anymore

˖⁺‧₊˚ 👓 ˚₊‧⁺˖

Darry

୨ You cut pics of The Rolling Stones members, etc out of the newspapers he reads and keep them

୨ He’s confused at first then he’s like “Oh..” when he realizes what’s happening- he doesn’t mind tho

୨ You write the dumbest little notes/pickup lines and put them in his lunch bag for work

୨ He doesn’t understand most of them but he likes them regardless

୨ He read comics here and there when he was a kid, but he definitely doesn’t anymore 😭

୨ He’s always arguing with Pony about those things and just doesn’t really get it

୨ Even though he doesn’t understand yours and Pony’s infatuation with stuff like that, he thinks it’s nice you’re able to bond with each other over it

୨ At some point you convince him to watch one of your favorite sci-fi type tv shows with you whenever he isn’t busy

୨ It’s a pipeline of him saying he doesn’t like it, pretending he doesn’t like it, then being really invested in it

୨ Anyways, even if your interests don’t exactly line up, you still love each other

୨ You rambling over stuff all the time honestly helps him forget about the stress in his life

Two-Bit

୨ He has no room to talk when his favorite show is still Mickey Mouse at the age of 18 and a half

୨ He thinks it’s cute in an endearing way

୨ He makes fun of you a bit but he doesn’t mean it seriously- that’s just how he is

୨ You guys discuss superheroes together and get way too in depth about it

୨ When he sees your room for the first time there’s like little figurines everywhere, etc and he’s just like “Huh, I have that one too” while pointing at the Hulk or something

୨ He doesn’t gaf, at least it’s clean unlike his

୨ If you have braces, he’s absolutely making jokes about it

୨ You’re getting called metal mouth but it’s out of love I promise

୨ He doesn’t let other people make jokes about it though

୨ Like that’s his job!!! Leave his girl alone!!!

୨ This man defends you with his life I’m so serious

୨ Anyways, whenever he gets super drunk and he starts rambling the exact same way you do normally so it sort of evens you out

୨ Idk what else to even say because you both just make so much sense- it seems so obvious

Steve

୨ I hate to say it, but he calls you brace-face

୨ Ironic because he needs some himself!!! 😊

୨ You said something along those lines to him once and he was so caught off guard and offended

୨ Even though he’s a smartass and you’d figure he’d be mean abt it, I feel like he’s probably kinda the same as you- at least when he was younger

୨ Bro knows his DC and Marvel lore

୨ You guys are constantly re-watching ‘Godzilla’ together

୨ There’s probably a picture of him from when he was younger dressed as it for Halloween or something too

୨ You have made him go to a concert with you

୨ He didn’t even really care about you freaking out over the guys, he was more upset that you chose The Beach Boys of all people

୨ He considers it “Soc music”

୨ You most likely don’t understand anything about cars

୨ He could sit there for hours trying to explain stuff to you and it just won’t click

୨ He’s like “How can you remember every fucking Beach Boys song but not what an exhaust does??”

୨ Okay you probably aren’t that dense but still

Dallas

୨ Yeahhh, he’s making fun of you

୨ It’s out of love tho 😇 most of the time..

୨ You constantly make references about comics and shows and he has no clue what you’re talking about

୨ You use the word kryptonite around him and he’s like “..What the HELL did you just say to me?”

୨ Most of the things you ramble about, he doesn’t understand, like, at all

୨ Much to his dismay, he can’t help his features from softening when he watches you do it

୨ You definitely gives him a break from all the reckless crazy stuff he does

୨ You use so many big words (they usually aren’t that crazy) and he’s just like “Could you speak English?”

୨ When he first went inside your room, it was covered in posters from movies like ‘Dracula,’ ‘Creature from the Black Lagoon,’ ‘Psycho,’ ‘Frankenstein,’ ‘The Birds,’ etc

୨ At first he was like “Jesus…” but really he thought it was pretty cool

୨ You guys are horror movie enjoyers⁉️

୨ You’re probably more of a geek over them than he is, but it’s just barely (he’d never admit it)

Soda

୨ You definitely fangirl over The Beatles and it lowkey hurts his feelings

୨ You have to be like “Soda.. you literally look like a movie star why are you worried-”

୨ Yes you know Paul’s blood type, time of birth, and who his fourth cousin twice removed is; so what? 🙄

୨ Knowledge-wise you balance each other out

୨ You have amazing grades in all your classes and he’s dropped out 🤍 but on the other hand, you are not very street smart

୨ Like if you have a gun held to your head, let’s hope they’ll ask you trivia about ‘The Twilight Zone’ for your freedom

୨ Anyways, he tries to keep up with and understand the stuff you talk about

୨ Give him time 💔 he’s trying

୨ He probably already knows a bit from having grown up with Pony, but it’s still nothing crazy

୨ He carries around extra wax for your braces in his pocket in case they ever start hurting you (idk if they were invented yet in the 60’s but let’s pretend)

୨ Throws wrenches and things like that at Steve if he says stuff about you

୨ You get pretty insecure since he’s so popular with girls and they usually aren’t like you; but he’s always reassuring you over it

Johnny

୨ You guys read comics together

୨ He’s a spider-man lover and I’ll die on this hill

୨ Someone write Johnny Cade spider-man au rn

୨ He’s constantly telling Dallas to “lay off” when he says stuff about you

୨ Finds your braces cute- he thinks they just add to your charm

୨ Anything that helps him somewhat escape reality, he enjoys; he gladly talks about nerdy stuff with you

୨ He gets along with Pony so well and he has most of those interests, and it’s the same way with you

୨ You guys sit in the lot and stargaze constantly; each time you point out and name the constellations along with explaining their backstories

୨ He listens with a fond smile on his face every time

୨ He thinks it’s cool you’re able to remember all of that

୨ You’re both just so cute I’m crying

୨ Whenever he comes over, he always admires the figures, posters, books, etc you have around your room

Pony

୨ Idc his ass is also a nerd

୨ Maybe not in the exact ways you are, but he definitely still is

୨ You help him in certain classes he’s not doing well in which he is extremely thankful for

୨ You guys also read comics together 😋

୨ Usually you make him read them out loud though since you love his voice and also think he’s good at the sound effects

୨ That being said, you both give each other book recommendations

୨ You guys go to the drive-in/theater together constantly and have heavy debriefings over all of the movies (mainly the sci-fi ones)

୨ You guys are both big fans of Elvis

୨ He’s a fan music-wise, you’re a fan of literally everything

୨ You’ve seen every single one of his movies. Multiple times.

୨ Definitely makes him a little jealous but he tells himself it’s not a big deal

୨ He can’t even be mad at you geeking out when he preforms on TV, he understands

୨ All that being said, you guys actually go really well together

[taetr4ck]

Chi-Ka by Tabber and DEAN + Mark Lee

chi-ka — mark lee

mark lee x reader — heavy angst, mentions of breakup, 0.9k words. taglist form.

a/n : omg i see a fellow dean listener !! sorry for the delay, i hope you enjoy this 💗

The gentle turn of the doorknob of your shared apartment with Mark permeated across the room. You immediately saw his back at the kitchen counter, preparing dinner.

“You’re late.” He turned his head to face you, greeting you with his rather exasperated face.

Your love for him is like a thorny rose in a field of tulips. You are willing to pick it although you know you’re going to bleed. Show me your thorns and I’ll show you my hands are ready to bleed—love can hurt and heal—and you are ready to experience all of it.

“Hi, baby. Uhm, something came up and I had to work overtime—”

“God, can you make a better excuse? I feel like I’m talking to a broken record.” Mark faced the kitchen counter again, seemingly uninterested in what you would say anymore. His words felt like a dagger stabbing into your chest, and with every word, the pain in your heart twisted even deeper.

You sighed heavily. “Alright, I’ll go upstairs for a while.”

There was no use in talking to him any longer. You were tired and you just wanted to lie down and shut out the world. Every day spent with him is exhausting in a sense. Fight, make up, fight, make up. It’s draining—soul-crushing, even. The hope that everything is going to go back to the way it used to be is slowly dissipating in your heart, much more in the spark of his eyes.

“You’re not gonna even defend yourself?” His words had a hint of mockery and frustration, making your blood boil.

You felt it up your spine. Everything feels useless, and everyone is just as annoying—no one is listening to you and no one’s gonna believe you, or so you thought. Anger is a dormant feeling and you’re worried it might explode later on. You worry that love can turn into violence. Love can turn into violence. You fear it might happen now.

“Because you’re not gonna listen. Every time I say something, you either appear uninterested or think I’m lying. Seriously? What am I even to you? Your emotional punching bag? I’m tired, Mark. This is not going to work.” You rushed upstairs with tears brimming in your eyes. You’re scared. You’re scared of the ever-so-warm love you have for him. You’re worried that it’s slowly ruining you, and you know that you’re going to let it destroy you. To love is to heal, and to love is to destroy.

You barely made it to the bedroom before the sobs overtook you.

The door clicked shut behind you, muffling the sounds of the world outside, but not the chaos within.

You sat on the edge of the bed, head in your hands, trying to steady your breath. This was not how you imagined your life with Mark would be. You thought of every single thing that might happen between the two of you, and this was not included in your racing thoughts. You thought it was going to sail smoothly and ever so lovely—with dreams of building a future with him—but it just turned into a daily struggle, each day slowly draining your already exhausted soul.

After a few moments, you heard footsteps outside the door. The knob turned slowly, and he walked in, his expression a mix of anger and regret. He stopped a few steps into the room, seeming to reconsider what he wanted to say.

“Look,” he began, his voice softer but still strained, “I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just... I'm frustrated too. We barely see each other anymore, and when we do, it's like this.”

You looked up at him, your eyes red and swollen. “But attacking me every time I come home isn't helping. I can't keep living like this, constantly feeling like I'm walking on eggshells.”

Mark shifted uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss you. I miss us. But every time I try to talk, we just end up fighting.”

“Maybe we’ve forgotten how to talk to each other,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe we’ve forgotten how to love each other without hurting.”

You stood up, each step away from him feeling like a piece of your heart was being left behind. 

With that, you walked out, the door closing softly behind you, leaving behind a part of your life that had defined you for so long.

You stepped into the night, feeling the cool air on your face, a mix of melancholy and sorrow washing over you.

“I love you, but this is going to wreck me.” you sigh as you whisper your last message in the tranquility of the night.

—

It’s been a year, yet he still finds you everywhere. He tasted you in the pancakes he made earlier for breakfast. The butter sliding all over it reminds him of the times he brought you to the most beautiful flower garden you’d ever seen. You ran with him all throughout the flowery scene until you had no energy left. The sun brimming through the window reminded him of you, the moments when you would greet him with a kiss first thing in the morning. Last night, he listened to your favorite song—every melody is like a glass shard piercing his heart. He regrets everything he said. He should’ve known better. He should’ve known how hard you struggled at work and with him. Your image is sewn into his mind in everything he sees. Did you think your absence could make him forget you? He cannot understand his life that has no you in it.

He grabs his phone and finds your number.

“I miss you.”

[housederiva]

Lucanis lovers I wanna talk about the human brain in regard to sleep for a moment.

Sleep's one of the fundamental aspects about being alive, our bodies shut down without it. The longest recorded time somebody could survive without sleep was 11 days. Once the timer was up, his brain force quit his body and he collapsed. He would stop mid-sentence because he couldn't remember what he was saying

If you’re up for just 24 hours straight, you begin to experience the effects of sleep deprivation which is kind of like being drunk. Your inhibitions get lowered, you lose coordination, speech gets slurred and sentence (spoken and heard) don’t quite make sense. The longer the hours go, the more your mood will swing back and forth. Eventually you'll have auditory and visual hallucinations of varying degrees, your vision'll blur and everything'll feels heavy. Your head gets dizzy when you move it even the slightest bit and memory turns into sludge to the point you can’t recall what you were doing three seconds prior.

While we don’t know the severity of how long Lucanis stays awake or how or short the burst of sleep he gets are, but he’s nothing like what I just described

Lucanis is hyper perceptive, his speech is just like anyone else's and he’s extremely well-coordinated. That’s because he was raised as a Crow from a major house who was sleep deprived constantly from a young age.

But if you go too long at a time your brain gets to a certain threshold, an absolute extreme waaay past where any average person would ever get. Our brains become programmed with this sort of fall-back mechanism. It used to be that when we reached that level of exhaustion all the time because we were being chased by something that would kill us if we slowed or we needed to defend our young from wild animals or other dangerous humans.

A baseline survival instinct kick in. We go on autopilot in the most hyperaware way possible. Our sensory processing goes into overdrive and we start reacting to any and all stimuli as if it is actively trying to kill us. The 4 F’s (fight, fear, freeze, fawn) are all at max capacity at the same time.

Our brain becomes a deer that darts out in front of a car’s headlights, bobbing and weaving wildly before it bolts back into the bushes. In this instance the bobbing and weaving doesn’t stop. Until you get to the crashing point, you’re a vegetable with cognitive functions shutting down one by one to conserve energy. One of these functions is the ability to separate things that have happened from things that haven’t or the system that catalogs short term memory into long term storage, that's not great for someone in Lucanis' situation

Eventually you start going through microbursts of REM sleep, the deepest stage of sleep there is. When someone gets that far into sleep deprivation, these bursts can happen and the person affected will look completely awake. You wouldn’t even realize you were going through one. There might be comments about how you’re spacing out or just kind of staring off in the distance. Your brain is essentially power cycling so you don’t die. This is how people can 'sleep standing up' but in reality, you’re mentally clocking out and leaving your nervous system to hold down the fort. This disassociates you and your body to the point where you could laugh at the face of danger because your brain is over on stage left tap dancing along the line between sleep and consciousness and it can no longer differentiate between the two. You can feel unstoppable, like you could kill a god.

Or even doing this for a short period put you at risk for a lot of long-term health issues. Stroke or heart attacks, your nervous system rewrites itself. Mental disorders like memory loss or depression or anxiety follow... t’s a big old list of symptoms and at the very end is death.

Our brain’s core mechanic is being lazy, which is an incredibly good thing. Evolution's allowed our minds to be able to do incredible things in short bursts of activity before settling back down - we all know what burnout is but think of that times eleven.

I’ve lost where I’m going with this, but I just think the nights after Lucanis and Spite reach a level of understanding would lead to him sleeping for long periods at a time and that aspect of what he’s been through with Zara would never fully leave him regardless of how much time passes.

[disheveledtranquility]

A little Eddie whump character analysis deep dive.

And defending symbrock while I'm at it and why I think movie Eddie was actually well thought out as a character and not just because "the stereotypical macho blonde asshole would not have been popular."

I'm exhausted so hopefully I didn't mess up the details too bad. Been a while since I read the comics.

Sprinkle in some of my ADHD so expect a bit of rambling. I added some gifs because I do love a picture book.

It's canon that Eddie Brock was abused by his father growing up. And the abuse was mostly emotional, lack of love, and lack of concern.

And gentle reminder that not everyone handles trauma the same, no matter which kind, and I feel like the way they wrote Eddie for the movies showcases another side to that trauma versus the comics. There's so many little details that even if it's just Tom being the amazing actor that he is portraying that side and not actually having those details written for him, it's still amazing.

Because Eddie's father was cold and emotionless after he lost his wife during childbirth. And of course Eddie tried everything to gain that love, just to be constantly subpar and never good enough for even a second glance.

After an accident involving drunk driving where Eddie hit a child, their relationship only got worse. And later in the comics, he disowns Eddie completely after he loses his job.

The movie version of Eddie is the broken version of that trauma.

He tends to shy away from situations where you'd assume he'd rush in to, like saving Mrs. Chen.

Trying to help or inquiring when he notices Maria missing. Anything that involves complex emotions. He's a reporter, yes, and he's cordial when he needs to be, but he seems to stick to his job and otherwise keep to himself. They don't exactly show that he has any friends, just Anne. So he's probably introverted because of the years of abuse and having to feel like he has to do everything alone with little to no strings attached.

Even simple things like getting into Anne's emails can be misunderstood. It's not malicious, but more misguided. He loved Anne. He didn't do what he did with intent to get her in trouble. But his poor decision making is probably also a part of not actually being raised and not knowing how to handle certain situations such as actually talking to your partner before you do things on your own? So much could have been avoided. And Eddie had good intentions of getting rid of Carlton Drake, but ruined his own life and Anne's as well because he didn't think things through.

He can't handle his emotions well (might also tie into the noises issue he seems to have that are not related to Venom, a possible trigger for him).

He has a lot of nervous ticks that also tie in with someone growing up in an abusive household. Emotionally stunted ticks. Like holding eye contact when someone he cares about is upset with him and he doesn't know how to fix it (because everything he does is wrong).

Even something you might think is simple, like apologizing, have had negative consequences as a child and might be why even though he's no longer in that situation, his brain isn't used to connecting any good emotions between them. He's probably not used to apologizing sincerely because doing so never meant it would change the outcome.

His mannerisms get worse when he's particularly anxious, like when he might have thought Venom didn't want to come back just as Anne when she left and never wanted to come back.

Again, because he pushed them away, just like Anne. Again, because he messed it up. And again, because he didn't know how he was supposed to fix it.

Because Eddie cares so much even though his head is always such a mess. Makes me think his dad had a say or two about Eddie constantly groveling for his attention and the way it might have made him seem weak, and Eddie in turn stopped himself from letting himself be so open and able to talk about these issues because of it.

His inability to form and/or hold any kind of positive relationship is a good telling sign.

He grew up vying for love without success. He doesn't know what a healthy relationship is supposed to look or feel like long term, even though he tries.

He probably just looks for some level on comfortable routine in his day to day with someone, assumes that's the best he's going to get, and hopes for the best. Any change and it throws him completely off center. He's not used to communicating in a relationship when he grew up talking to a wall.

Also why I think he handles being with Venom so badly. It's not the eating heads and it's not the whole 'alien living in my body' ordeal.

If something isn't obviously positive it feels negative to him in his mind, which makes everything worse. He's selfish in needing to keep his mental state positive. It no doubt contributed to his alcoholism.

He became a people pleaser. Not in the way of gaining attention, but because he's constantly trying to avoid any negative sentiments directed his way. He's already damaged. He doesn't want to have to feel worse.

Eddie is in constant fight or flight with Venom without knowing what the symbiote will do next and how he, Eddie, will be perceived. He becomes very anxious, and later, angry. He's always walking on eggshells.

But the relationship is different with the symbiote than it is with Anne. Even if Eddie doesn't explicitly say it, he feels safe with Venom. More able to let that rage out that he couldn't before. And because he doesn't feel like the symbiote is going to actually hurt him, when his stress gets to him he tends to lash out at it. It's a lovely little cycle of abuse and Eddie really needs therapy.

Venom didn't fully understand the layers of Eddie's traumatized mind yet in LTBC, which is why I think it lashed out as well. Like Anne had with Eddie. Again, it's different though. Venom understands enough to see through that mess and see that Eddie doesn't mean anything with what he says.

It never does damage with malicious intent to Eddie, comedic acts aside. Not even with the fight between them in LTBC. It breaks Eddie's nose twice just to heal it immediately twice, and doesn't leave him with any lasting damage at all.

Because it cares about Eddie. And because it was never meant to harbor emotions, it's probably going through the damn gambit having to feel everything through Eddie and feeling just as hurt by him.

This is also why I think Eddie is constantly complaining in TLD. He's again in constant fight or flight and too comfortable with Venom, so he's just lashing out. But you can tell the symbiote takes none of it to heart, sometimes even seeming to ignore his remarks completely.

Maybe after a year with Eddie it finally understands the pain underneath all that stunted emotion, anxiety, and anger. That, and Eddie no longer drinks his negative emotions away, which means he has less ways to calm himself when he gets too stressed.

Through everything, Venom is the only one who has the ability to see the issues that are deeper. It stayed through all that mess and decided that what was under the baggage was worth holding on to, without Eddie having to try and explain why he is the way that he is.

[writergirlll]

I'm sorry (JJ Maybank)

Outer Banks - JJ Maybank

Ok, I found this in my old drafts when I first looked at obx (I was 12, so sorry if it wasn't good enough to post)

Summary: You've been a Pogue since birth and are friends with a notorious gang. John B, Sarah Cameron, Kiara Carrera, Pope Heyward and your big best friend - JJ Maybank. You always thought that Jay would be there for you, but in certain circumstances, you messed up...and you got kidnapped...

You slowly sat up on your bed with your body constantly throbbing and breathing deeply. Or weird, you had a panic attack after everything you went through. You tried to find the gold and when you finally found it and were happy, someone took it from you and you looked for some key instead. But with that unknown key that the Heyward family is supposed to have, comes danger..Carla Limbery and her henchman Renfield.

You found the key, but she tried to take it from you. And several times. And it was never a nice meeting...

The longer you breathed, the more your vision blurred and your head shook. Every time you had a panic attack, there was someone there to calm you down. Who brought you back, but no one was here now. And so one thing occurred to you..

With the last of your strength, you pulled your phone out of your back pocket and dialed JJ's number.

It rang for a while and you prayed he would pick it up. After a while it rustled and JJ's voice came out.

“Y/n” he asked almost as if you had woken him up. It's not surprising when it's around ten in the evening and everyone is already in bed after an exhausted day.

“Hi Jay” you said trying your best to sound okay.

"There are many hours. Is something wrong?" he asked with concern and you could hear him sitting up.

,,Not..only. I was wondering if you would like to come? Have a beer and chat for a while"? you said because you didn't want to worry him about having an attack.

"Well..it doesn't really suit me now..how about tomorrow?" he asked and you closed your eyes tightly.

"Oh..yes, of course. Sorry for bothering you. Good night…” you whispered and hung up. You hoped he would come but he didn't..and now you don't know what to do.

"Okay, just breathe" you said to yourself and tried taking deep breaths once more. But unfortunately it didn't work and you fell from your place on the edge of the bed to the floor.

You rolled there for a while until you heard footsteps in your empty house. You lost your parents when you were little and you hoped so badly that it was JJ after all..

But you must have been wrong, because instead of a handsome blond boy, Renfield came to your room. The Nasty Guy by Carla Limbery.

You quickly got up with the help of the bed and since you had nothing to defend yourself with, you grabbed a pillow. "Oh, but let's see who we have here. And you're alone right now. What a coincidence” he smiled evilly and walked right over to you. Before you could move or do anything, he was immediately at your side and something sharp stabbed you in the neck.

You slowly reached for the place where it stung, but before you could reach it, you fell to the ground.. until you felt nothing at all. You couldn't move, couldn't speak, and your eyes were slowly closing. Until they closed completely..

NEXT DAY |JJ POV|

"Come on guys, we need to come up with a plan to keep the key safe" I said climbing up to the porch of y/n's house with the gang. We agreed to meet here to discuss our plans and options.

"Y/n, we're here!" Kie called, knocking on the cottage she lived in. It wasn't a very nice house, but definitely nicer than mine.

When she didn't answer or opened the door, Kiara tried pounding on the door again. But again no response..

“Ok something is definitely wrong here” I whispered to myself because y/n always answered or answered immediately. Absolutely immediately.

"Y/n!" Pope yelled to Sarah and started looking in the porch windows. "Let's go in, okay?" John B yelled and slowly started to open the door with me at his back. But at that moment, I knew something was DEFINITELY wrong.

All the things she had in the house were scattered everywhere, things thrown from the shelves, an open refrigerator, a trash bin dug up.. "Someone was here" John said and started looking around.

“Y/n? Y/n?" I called when I couldn't find her anywhere. She wasn't in her room, the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, nowhere at all. I slowly began to panic. Where can she be?

"Guys, I found something!" Kie shouted from behind the kitchen and we ran to her. "There is a piece of paper" she showed us the piece of paper she was holding and read aloud what was written on it.

Hello everyone. I'm glad you're reading this because at least I know Renfield did his job well.. As you may have noticed, something essential is missing from the house..And you won't get her back until you give us what's ours. The key. Otherwise, I wish you a nice rest of the day. - C. Limbery

"This bitch!" I shouted and snatched the piece of paper from Kie's hand. I tore it to pieces, took the cap off my head and grabbed my hair.

"JJ calm down. We'll go get her" John reached for my shoulder, but I shook him off. "She called me last night. I knew something was wrong, that she was probably having a panic attack, but I couldn't come. Someone broke my motorcycle engine, but if I had gotten off the fucking bike and driven here, it wouldn't have happened"!

"Shall we give them the key?" Sarah asked cautiously, looking primarily at Pope, to whom it was an inheritance. "What do you think if we give it to them? Of course it does! They have y/n and god knows what they are capable of” I hissed at Sarah putting my cap back on.

"Jay, he's right this time. If we don't give it to them, we don't know what they will do to her" Kiara said in my defense and looked at everyone.

"But Carla Limbery lives in Charleston, and Twinkey is broken from the last trip. We have no chance of getting there today" said John B, in which he was right. On the last trip, we set up Twinkey properly.

"I have an idea. My parents have a car" Kiara said walking out of the house. “They're not killing you for this?” Pope asked, walking right next to Kiara. "There is nothing left to lose. And to save y/n I will. Wait on the north bridge ok"? she asked and we all nodded and made our way to the bridge.

---

After a few minutes of waiting for Kie to bring the car, she finally arrived, we got in and drove full speed to Charleston.

"Are we really going to give them the key? Don't we have a better plan?" Pope asked, still nervous about handing over the key to someone who would use it.

"Nope. We have no other chance. I don't want to do it either, but this time we have no choice. This time really no"..said John B and he was right. Every time, and I mean after every time, we had a choice. But now? Either y/n's life or Pope's legacy.

Before long we reached Charleston and Carl Limbery's house. Or rather a villa. She really wasn't feeling well..

"Jay calm down. We are here to give them the key. She'll be fine" Kie smiled at me and squeezed my shoulder. I returned the smile, albeit a strange one, and we slowly got out of the car.

We reached the gate and the bell rang. It wasn't long before Renfield stood before us. "I really didn't expect you here..Why are you even here? Are you seriously sure you're in the right place?" he asked us stupidly and I wanted to wipe that stupid smile off víš face.

“Where is y/n?” I asked straight away and his gaze shifted to me. "Aww, so you're taking care of her..that you weren't there yesterday huh?" he laughed. I couldn't take it anymore and ran out on him. I would have punched him so hard he'd forget who he was, but John and Sarah stopped me..

"We have the key. We just want y/n” Pope said pulling the key out of his pocket. "Well, that changes the whole thing...come on. You are welcome" he said, opening the door and motioning for us to go inside. As I walked past him, I stomped on his foot and spat on his shoe.

We headed straight inside the house to the living room, where Carla Limbery welcomed us. In the corner of the room was y/n. But not fully healthy and glowing energy as always. But tied up, covered in bruises and blood..

"We have a key," Pope said again, showing it to Carla.

"Oh, great," she said, yanking it from his hand. She took a good look at it to see if we were cheating on her again and when she found out that we weren't, she motioned for us to go towards y/n.

I rushed to her, removed the tape from her mouth and untied her hands. As soon as I did, y/n burst into tears uncontrollably. But as much as I haven't seen her in a long time. Not even during a panic attack.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to give her the key because of me" she whispered and I cupped her face in mine hand. I stroked her back and wiped away a few tears while stroking the horrible bruises on her face.

"You don't have to apologize at all. That's me. I should have known something was wrong with you last night and if I had been there nothing would have happened to you..” I whispered for a change and she looked at me.

She completely stopped crying and took my hand, which I was caressing on her face, in mine, while squeezing it tightly. "Don't apologize, I told you I was fine. You're not to blame" she smiled slightly at me and I returned the smile.

"Well...that doesn't change anything. I'm still sorry" I smiled at her even more, he helped her up and she and the others hugged, while we were still holding hands..

[lovemyromance]

And while we're at it, can we talk about people saying "Azriel's darkness" this and "Azriel's healing journey" that 🤨

What does that even mean?

Man has emotional and physical scars from his traumatic childhood and that has obviously left him with some self esteem issues and insecurity.

That's just the standard for most characters in SJM's universe. They all have some kind of trauma.

How is he going to "heal" from that? Through... training...? Something he's been doing as a warrior for 500 years now?

Through training someone else....? Something which he has already done in ACOSF with Nesta and the priestesses and look at that, he's still as broody as ever.

The fact is, all the bat boys felt undeserving of their love interests.

Rhys was afraid he would never have a love like Feyre, never have a family that wouldn't constantly be hunted down.

And yet, Rhys healed through Feyre's love for him.

Cassian felt like he was a low born bastard, not deserving of someone who would wed a prince or duke like Nesta.

And yet, Cassian also healed through Nesta's love for him.

Azriel, again, feels so undeserving of love after his past trauma and his unrequited pining for Mor for 500 years. He doesn't even think about having children, or a future with Elain because he feels so insecure about himself.

Wouldn't it also make sense that his doubts, all his insecurities would also be healed through Elain's love for him? A love that she would choose over even a mating bond.

And before anyone says "Oh we're expecting Elain to be used as some pretty thing to heal him"... no? That's not what is being said.

Elain also has a choice here. She has made it very obvious she does not want her cauldron-given mate. She wants Azriel. Nobody is "expecting her to heal him" like it's so simple as waving a magic wand and poof! Healed.

But just as Feyre & Nesta chose their partners and helped them envision a more hopeful future, Elain will have the same effect on Azriel.

She's not here to "fix him". Whatever that means.

It has been foreshadowed countless times how Elain will surprise us when it comes to her true nature and personality.

She was more than capable of understanding Nesta, standing by her regardless of how many times Nesta bit back. She is stronger than she looks. She's not some pretty stupid thing that will see Azriel and run away screaming. She has a different kind of strength and I'm exhausted of trying to defend that ability to see the good in everything even when the world has gone to shit.

Something tells me she will see the blood on Azriel's hands, help lighten the burden on his shoulders, and find him beautiful anyways.

because that's romance PEOPLE 🫶🏼

[thesecretbits]

Chan went on Bubble, told people that he makes his own decisions, his own rules. People immediately get mad that he's defending the company and say he's lying.

And this is the reason why he's taken a break from Chan's Room. Because some of you people are insufferable no matter what he says or does. You talk about how open he is with the fandom, but when he gets on Bubble to defend himself (not the company) and the decisions he makes because the fans insist on treating him like a child who is completely controlled by the company when he has told the fandom more than once how much input and say in SKZ as an entity he and the boys have in the things they do.

He said in Bubble months ago that he was not doing Chan's Room for the foreseeable future because they are busy. And they have been, flying from one country to the next for performances, concerts, and festivals, while still recording music for the albums they keep putting out. Fans complain about it daily. You saw a ten second video clip. What was said was in answer to a question that I did not hear in any video clip is saw, was not an official statement, and lacked context. Yes, maybe the company should have put out a statement saying that Chan's Room is on hiatus until further notice once a couple of weeks became a couple of months, but Chan did tell you that and nothing he said about the reason he wasn't doing it is untrue.

You say the company isn't protecting him right now, but what you can't accept is that the company is protecting Chan, from the fans and all the backlash that ensued every time he did Chan's Room.

Every time he came on live, he had to wade through a slew of nasty, inappropriate comments. Fans would take clips of what he said, post them on the internet, he would get hate from antis, and then more people would show up in his comments telling him to off himself or call him vile, disgusting things. There were so many comments that were high key sexual harassment, a lot of them from his own fans. Fans would trauma dump on him, constantly tell him to speak English, constantly complain about him going live too late and how he should be sleeping as if he isn't a grown adult man, and bombard him with requests for other members to join him. He had to start only reading comments from the fan club community to try to weed out the sheer number of inappropriate ones, but people were mad about that because Bubble community is not open to everyone.

Chan's Room might be important to him, I'm not saying it isn't, but doing it every week and then having to watch and then deal with the fallout the next day must have been mentally exhausting. Some of the fans couldn't even chill out when his friend died, and he was obviously sad but still doing lives.

What about any of that says that Chan's Room is still a safe space for Chan? Why are we surprised that he's decided to take a break from that? Him wanting to connect with the fans the way he did when he was doing his lives does not negate the fact that doing so is mentally taxing.

Telling the fans that he makes his own decisions is not defending the company. It's defending himself. People telling the fandom to look inward and take some accountability for its actions is not defending the company. No one is defending the company. We're telling you that what you've been doing, something Chan has explicitly said does not help, and how you've responded to something that, so far, has not been officially stated is wrong. Stop mass emailing, stop sending trucks, stop being obnoxious under JYPE posts on social media. You just give antis even more fodder against the boys, and make the entire fandom look childish to everyone who knows Stray Kids and/or works with them.

Some of you fans really need to take a step back and reevaluate. Because some of you really take this parasocial relationship a little too seriously and use no critical thinking skills to navigate it.

[thought--bubble]

Kitty Cat Pt 8

Ettore X (Neuro-Divergent Reader)

Warnings Below

Word Count: 1,627

Kitty Cat Master List

Ettore Master List

Full Master List

Banners by @arcielee

Warnings:: mentions of murder, mentions of violence, and smut.

Ettore hardly slept that night. He had come to a decision. Boyse had to go. He refused to maneuver around her roadblocks constantly. The thing he was having trouble with was how exactly was he going to pull this off?

She's quick to anger. Emotional

He knows he has to push her. Push her so far she does something stupid. Something very stupid. From which he would be forced to defend himself. On a ship this small he won't be able to hide that it was him so he needs the next best thing.

A justification

He pulls himself out of bed. He's exhausted but excited. He is forming a plan as he goes, but his end goal is clear. He enters the cafeteria, and it's still early, so most inmates aren't there yet. He gets himself situated in his usual place, his back to the wall, so no one is behind him, and everyone is within his line of sight. He sees Boyse walk in, you following close behind as always. You stop, look at him, and take a few steps toward him.

That's a good girl. C'mere kitty

Boyse, of course, stops you and directs you to sit down. Ettore isn't surprised or bothered by this. In fact, he's amused. Not only does Boyse have to look out for him, but she has to look out for kitty. He has sunk his claws into you, and you're on your hands and knees begging for more.

As expected

He keeps his eyes trained on you, trying to use his peripheral vision to gauge Boyse's response. He can feel the satisfaction rising in his body as he can see the tension building in hers. She grips her utensils tight. Her brows furrow, and she says something under her breath to you.

He can't help himself and looks directly at Boyse, the constipated look on her face making him crack a smile involuntarily.

I win. I'll always win

Boyse gets up hastily and takes your hand practically dragging you out of the room. Like that would somehow protect you. Somehow, keep you out of his grasp. He chuckles at this thought.

Nothing will keep me from getting what I deserve

He gets up and casually strolls off to get his assignment and is quickly made aware of the opportunity presented to him. Boyse and you have separate assignments. Your assignment is laundry, and you were assigned this task ALONE.

He again chuckles to himself. This ship is so clean that no one would even notice if he skipped his duty today. Which is good for Ettore because he has better plans.

First, he goes to the store room. He makes sure there is enough space for what he needs, shifting some boxes around, next he looks for a box of laundry detergent. Strategically placing it on the floor so he can easily grab it later.

Time to get my pet

He moves down the hallway like a snake. Hugging the sides and making no noise, feet hardly touching the floor. He reaches the laundry room and just barely peaks his head around the door. He can see you leaning up against the washing machine with your eyes closed. So sweet, so vulnerable.

He silently slides into the room, sticking to the wall. He moves behind a rack with sheets and towels folded on it and watches as you feel his presence.

He watches as you look around the room under things behind things.

Oh, how silly you are Kitty

While you look behind the door, Ettore slips out from behind the shelf and moves up close behind you. He stands there, holding his breath as you look and then turn bumping into his chest.

Got you

A sly smile curls up on his face as he grabs your wrist, yanking you out of the room and down the hall. He can feel you resist a bit, but he doesn't have time to coax and coddle you, Boyse is going to come sniffing around soon enough, and it is important to piss her off but not get caught red handed.

So he drags you to the store room and shoves you inside, and closes the door quickly. He presses you up against the door and goes directly for your throat, the smell of your hair invading his nose, the warmth of your skin under his filling him with excitement.

He bites down on your neck, feeling your pulse quicken.

Mark what's mine

He sucks harshly on your neck. He can feel you push on his shoulders with a whine. He strokes your cheek. He doesn't want you scared this time. He wants you to come back to him willingly. Not because he actually cares about what you want, but because the fact that you are drawn to him already pisses Boyse off. Now, he is determined to make you need him. Desire him. Be his pet in every way. Loyal and obedient. He pulls back briefly and inspects your neck. The purple hue that is bubbling on the skin lets him know he did what he meant to. At least some of it anyway.

"You're gonna like it this time." he grabs the collar of your shirt and tosses you down toward the floor but holds your midsection. trying to remember he doesn't want to hurt you. He gets you into a doggy style position. You just hang there letting him do as he wishes.

So malleable.

He removes your scrub bottoms and panties hastily and bites his lip.

I have a plan. I have a plan

He wants to just take you immediately to satisfy his cravings, but he holds back. Again, he wants you to want him. So, he is determined to make this good for you.

He spits into his hand and starts to rub your pearl. The contact of your moist wet skin sending a shiver through his entire being. He pushes himself against you while moving his hand in quick, precise movements. As you buck against him, it only makes him harder. He moves his hand faster against your pearl

"You're gonna come back to me, kitty, yeah?" His voice is strained, and he has his body pushed up against you as tight as possible.

He hears you whimper, and it's almost enough to have him drooling. He rubs your pearl furiously as he ruts up against your backside.

I can't wait much longer

He wraps his other hand in your hair to hold you in place as he rubs your pearl and ruts against you at a quickening pace. When you hit your peak and your body begins to shutter against him, he loses all resolve. Quickly pushing, his bottoms to his mid thigh and shoving himself inside of you to the hilt, breathing a loud sigh of relief. He grabs your hair tightly, bringing you up onto your knees.

My toy to play with

The buildup to this point has him absolutely feral as he smashes himself into you over and over, feeling that familiar build-up. This is all he wants. This is the only time he actually feels something. To dominate, to conquer, he thrusts himself into you harder and harder the loud sounds of skin slapping skin filling the surrounding space.

He looks up toward the ceiling as his peak overtakes all of his senses. As he empties himself into you, he digs his fingernails into your hip and pulls your hair back, fighting the urge to actually tear you apart.

Once the high fades and his usual emptiness creeps back in, he pulls his bottoms up and then yours. It's time to go show Boyse what he's done.

He leans over you and grabs the detergent box. Then, he pulls you to your feet.

"Up, let's go." You're a bit unsteady on your feet, but as long as he can get you back to the laundry room quickly, he should be able to subtly boast to Boyse.

Show time

He quickly wraps his hand around your wrist, jerking you back out into the hallway. His tunnel vision has him thinking only about getting you back there with the brand on your throat, clearly visible. He's making a statement.

I take what I want, and no one will stop me

As he nears the laundry room, he can hear Boyse's voice. It's strained, worried, stressed, and he revels in his victory. He slides his hand from your wrist into your hand. He wants Boyse to see. He wants her to see how easy it was for him to steal you from her. He can't help the smug grin that paints his face. He has won. He knows it. Now he just wants Boyse to know it as well.

As Ettore pulls you along closer and closer to the laundry room, he can't help the feeling of adrenaline that runs through his entire body.

When Boyse comes out into the hallway, all fury and rage this only heightens this feeling in him.

"What-" she starts her body is trembling. Ettore fights the urge to chuckle.

"Outta laundry detergent" he shakes the box to accentuate his point. The look of pure hatred she gives him is like an award within itself.

He lets go of you and strolls over to Boyse, shoving the laundry detergent into her hands.

I win bitch

He takes one look back at his perfect little pet before leaning his head toward Boyse and smugly says "Happy I could help"

He takes off down the hallway, his cocky swagger on full display.

The trap has been set. Her emotional strings have been pulled so tight they are due to snap at any moment.

Now it's a waiting game

Part 9

A/N: Only 2 parts left! I'm kinda sad for this series to end 😭 but I'm excited for anyone reading to see the end because it's a doozy!

To be added to taglist click here

[throughdarkeningskies]

there's something very poignant to me about the ending of nimoma the movie vs nimona the graphic novel

spoilers to follow

the ending of the graphic novel is so much more bitter and sad than the movie is. nimona, having been betrayed and mutilated and hurt for her entire life, is trapped by the Institution, again, is used for her powers, again, tries to defend herself, again.

and ballister betrays her. he uses the doctors magic-suppressing gun against her. he promises to help her. he promises he can save her.

nimona retaliates that he's not the first one to have tried to help her, save her, change her. that this is who she is, what she is, that it always will be.

she checks on him in the hospital. they have this final glancing moment, across a crowd, and she's gone.

nimona, a character punished for her very existence, constantly isolated, remains so. she will always be outside the crowd, unloved and unsupported, waiting for the next attack, next betrayal, next abandonment.

ballister reflects that if he ever sees her again, he hopes she will know him as a friend. he does care for her, he does want to help her, but he doesn't know how. or if he even could.

which is why the ending to the movie kills me. nimona betrayed again, trapped again, alone abandoned by herself again. and this time she's tired. she's exhausted, she's so deeply hurt, she wants it to be over. they've insisted so much for so long that she should be dead, and she gives up and agrees.

just like in the novel, ballister charges onto the scene as the dragon is confronted by the Institution. just like in the novel, she's simultaneously terrifying and vulnerable. she's given up. and he hits her with the iconic line -

'I see you, Nimona.'

he SEES her. he's her friend, he's seeing her at her worst, HAS seen her at her most violent, and he's not trying to hurt her, or change her. he just SEES her.

and like!!! it hits so deep because that's the thing that nimona as a character needs, has always needed, to be seen and loved without condition. to be known as she is without the presumption that she needs to be different. that she'll be punished for being different.

and fundamentally I think that's why I think she's able to come back at the end of the movie, when she couldn't in the book. as much as book ballister cares for her, there isn't a place in his life for her to be safe anymore. while movie ballister has fucked up at various points, he's able to show that he's safe for nimona, he won't try to hurt her or change her. and its all that nimona ever needed.

it's lovely to see those two in juxtaposition because there's a hint of something unfinished in the book's ending. a confusion. where do we go from here? could we ever have gone anywhere from here?

and the movie is finally able to answer: yes.

anyway. thanks for coming to my ted talk

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hi, I'm the Anon that wrote to you a while ago desperately seeking assurance about the drop. Want to thank you again for your insights and patience. You are a gift to this fandom. I'm sorry to bother you again but this episode crushed my heart completely.

The added context ended up being the same out of character BS which did nothing to allay my fears over the direction of Lestat's character. And I felt the writer having him "break script" during the trial to make sure that viewers understood that "this asshole is the real Lestat who intentionally dropped his partner from the stratosphere for the crime of defending his daughter but wait he feels really bad about it but also don't forget he's still Domestic Abuser POS" seemed like an insidious choice. The decision to make that drop real and the vile speech about "wanting to break Louis" (wtf) is a total betrayal of who Lestat fundamentally is and for me was kind of an event horizon (because no matter what, that *isn't* Lestat in any universe) It's been 2 years of this and I'm so exhausted. 

Sadly, I'm not nearly as excited for Season 3 as I was before this episode. I no longer feel like I can trust these writers to write Lestat with care and do TVL justice- especially after they inexplicably endowed their version of Louis with several of canon Lestat's character traits and story beats( literally why?)- or anything that comes after. How can you tell Lestat's painful self loathing storylines in QotD and TotBT when you've already written him as the exact kind of shallow violent inherently evil brute that Akasha tried to groom him into believing he was? What would be the point? No one would believe him.

Right now, for me the only bright spot of show!Lestat, is Sam, who is truly doing the lord's work. Much like the character he is playing, he is mesmerizing as an actor and so full of light even as he's playing the part of a monster. He's so brilliant, constantly making lemonade out of lemons and trying valiantly to infuse this evil ooc shell of Lestat with the spirit of the canon character.

And maybe I'm a brat, but we've waited long enough. I want the real Lestat de Lioncourt: the eternally optimistic, impulsive, naive to a fault, enduring, brash, impatient, irreverent, airheaded, sometimes unstable, ridiculous,  traumatized, vicious, obstinate, wicked,  cocky, narcissistic, short tempered, endlessly forgiving, capricious ,vampire to the core, Brat Prince- full of too much love for everything and everyone, who can be an absolute pain in the ass, who is the emperor of really bad impulsive decisions, who is stupidly honest about the terrible things he's done but tries to downplay the terrible things done to him, who finds revenge boring, who would never ever maliciously hurt Louis or Claudia, who tries so hard to be a good father more than once, who fears that he is an evil thing because he thinks his innate light seems to hurt everyone he loves; and that innate light and goodness is so in conflict with the existence he was raped into but he decides "Fuck it. I'm gonna just be the best vampire I can be". And I really really want to see Sam play *that* Lestat.

Of course I completely understand that everything we are seeing is still not the full story and that we are deep in the middle of Armand's Wattpad fanfic. But with the choices made in this episode, I just don't see how we can *ever* have *that* Lestat- (even if or when next week, Armand's story falls apart spectacularly) and unfortunately no spoilers I've seen about the finale give me comfort or hope. It's all too much and it just hurts my heart and my head. I want off this ride. I'm so so tired 😢

Hmmm :)

While I... understand you, I don't quite agree, and... I think I would just like to redirect you to this interview with Sam here, which really lays a lot of it out:

And... it also confirms a lot of what I have been pointing out before, and what has been hinted at.

So. While I get where you are coming from I still think "Lestat" is in very good hands... we haven't had his POV yet. But we will.

And after that... we can judge.

[darcytaylor]

There is a pattern to these fandom freakouts that's quite frankly become exhausting. Every time L hasn't posted in a while, trolls come out of the woodwork, posting shit affecting his loved ones, hoping to spur him into action. This is what happened last time with the HBS likes. Every time there's info or even so much as a hint that he's still with A, a smear campaign against him is launched, without fail. But if he posts something about Bton, all is forgotten in seconds, he's suddenly uwu babygurl Lukey Newts, perfect boy. Every. Fucking. Time. This is what happens whenever a celebrity isn't doing a little monkey dance for the fandom. And it's such a weird thing - if they're obsessed with someone, it doesn't necessarily mean that they love or even like them. In which case, I would like to kindly ask - why are they even here? Like, what are they hoping to get out of this experience?

Personally, I'm tired of going into any Bton fandom space at this point, hoping to see what's new and hopefully have a good time, and getting bombarded with literal nonsense that will be disproven within hours yet will somehow linger in the collective fandom memory and become a building block of increasingly unfounded theories that have diverged completely from reality, yet get regurgitated as fact every time new info emerges. They always find a way to contort even the most benign piece of info into intractable timelines of things that have been given meaning that they simply don't bear. Literally if you were to pull a thread, the whole thing would fall apart. Yet, these same things get resuscitated every time the fandom is mad at L or N or whoever for not doing whatever it is they think they should be doing.

The entitlement is mind-blowing and the rinse-repeat cycle of chicken-littling over the minutest thing is sucking every bit of joy out of being in this fandom anymore. It has become more time-consuming just trying to curate my experience than actually consuming content I'd like to see. What is even the point anymore, folks, huh? Would your own lives withstand the same kind of scrutiny you're putting these people under? They're just trying to make entertainment and a living out of it, what's the point of ruining everything? Whence even the urge? None of this is that deep. Is everyone just a miserable fuck anymore? I'm sorry for ranting, but it's become not worth it for me anymore when May was such a blessed time. Why can't we all stay in that energy? What good could possibly come of this? Thank you for listening and take care of yourselves, everyone.

I totally get where you're coming from. Fandoms can become overwhelming, and it sounds like you're feeling really drained by all the drama and negativity. It’s hard when a space you used to enjoy turns into a battleground of speculation, entitlement, and frustration. Your feelings about how fans treat celebrities and the constant cycle of drama are completely valid. I've noticed this pattern as well. It’s disheartening when every action or inaction of a public figure is scrutinized and twisted into something negative. Luke might not have handled everything perfectly, but the extreme reactions often reflect a lack of empathy and misplaced expectations.

It’s also frustrating when fandom spaces are overwhelmed with misinformation and sensationalism. This is why I found myself rolling my eyes at the information coming out yesterday. People should be more mindful about the sources of their information and why it’s being spread. The effort to sift through and debunk myths can be more exhausting than just enjoying the content. Constantly having to defend yourself or distance from the negativity to keep your enjoyment intact is disheartening.

It’s tough when people criticize you for trying to view the situation from a different perspective and not just join in the attack without knowing all the facts (or at least a good portion of them). It’s definitely tiring. I was feeling this yesterday because of the asks I was getting.

Remember, it's perfectly okay to step back if the environment is no longer enjoyable or is affecting your well-being. Fandoms should be a place for sharing enthusiasm and connecting with others who feel the same way, not a source of constant stress and conflict. I hope you find a way to rekindle your enjoyment of the fandom or at least find some peace with it. Take care of yourself and focus on what makes you happy. ❤️

[bonefall]

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT MARSHSCAR????

Sure! He's a supporting character in Ripplestar's Rot, and becomes leader of ShadowClan after the Great Pancakening at the Battle of the Gathering.

I wrote about him and every leader post-Ripplestar over here

Marshpaw was a little older than Ripplekit when he was brought to the Clan, just newly apprenticed. Their apprenticeships overlapped and they were teenage friends.

Marsh has always been a sort of quiet dude, he's never been a go-getter. More of a steady, practical guy.

He was friends with Spottedpelt and Gorseclaw too, him and Gorse were the more "level headed" people in the group.

His first name was Marshtail. "Scar" is an Honor Title.

Him and Ripplemoon were young warriors when they became mates. Marshtail could tell you that he liked his passion and drive, but, it would be a half truth. He can't really pick anything in particular that is his favorite trait

He could spend a day stuck in a tree hole with him and it would be enjoyable. He just likes his vibe, he likes to be with him.

There's not much to say about him before the ending of Ripplestar's Rot, because he's a mild guy. His ideal life would have been being a background character who goes on patrol a lot lmao

But at the death of Ripplestar and Spottedpelt, suddenly he was thrust into power he NEVER wanted, in the middle of mourning the loss of his mate and his extended family, and the end of a war he'd given everything to.

His heart broken, he had to clean up what Ripplestar left behind. The other three leaders blamed ShadowClan for everything, and the war had taken a chunk out of the population.

Especially in ShadowClan, with a ton of their warriors being slaughtered at the Gathering. Because of Gorseclaw, they'd seen the attack coming and prepared by only bringing their strongest warriors.

In fury, Dalestar of WindClan and Birchstar of RiverClan exiled many of the outed rebels within their ranks

So, Marshstar was dealing with the other Clans baying for a severe punishment of ShadowClan, adding a flood of new commandments to the code, and also a political refugee crisis

This was a mess. An exhausting, painful mess

It didn't get better, either. No matter what Marshstar did, someone was going to be furious. He couldn't appease the other Clans while maintaining ShadowClan, so, they started exacting revenge by attacking constantly.

(And, mind you, this was the age of Kit Stealing and pillaging. These attacks were high-stakes)

Eventually he stopped apologizing or even negotiating at all. ShadowClan became a sort of secluded, defensive nut that shared very little news, and even skipped Gatherings a few times.

But even that didn't please his warriors. They wanted the Gatherings. They wanted their own revenge. Even as the population recovered, Marshstar refused to do anything else.

The rest of his life felt like he was just biding time. 9 long lives without Ripplestar felt like a curse.

He did do one thing though-- when Houndfang was young, she was a goddamn punk. Little rebel without a cause, the Clan used to be frustrated that she was given such a ferocious name; she could have used a name to calm her down instead :/

She reminded Marshstar of a casual discussion about warrior names he had with Ripplestar, once. About how he liked names that simply made sense, and didn't need to be defended with prose. A Hound and its Fangs

He took a shining to Houndkit, in his melancholic way. She liked bothering him, he wouldn't snap at her or push her away. He would even sometimes enable her-- telling her little tricks for sneaking past the big warriors or giving her advice on how to persuade them to do what she wanted.

So the habit only got "worse." She had absolutely no fear of him as an apprentice and would just announce her opinion to his face.

thinking about it, Marshstar probably took her as an apprentice towards the end of her time as Houndpaw, after getting in too many fights with her mentor and the mentor trying to appeal for a delay of her assessment until she learned respect.

"Hm. No. I don't want her spirit broken. I think the other Clans deserve some hell, actually."

Houndfang didn't have ambition as a kid, she didn't know what she wanted. Marshstar gave her an outlet and it became electricity in her veins.

She quickly took over the Clan when she became deputy, and was more of a leader than he ever was. He just let her start running it.

I feel like he cast his name off, just before he died. He did not want to be Marshstar, he wanted to return to Marshscar, so he held a renaming ceremony for himself and passed on leadership officially.

ShadowClan was reignited in a way it hadn't been in years when Houndstar took power. In the passionate cheering of the crowd, Marshscar slipped away.

No one ever saw him again after that. He was probably sick and went somewhere he could pass away in solitude. Cat behavior

His heart remained with Ripplestar for the entirety of his long life, and for him, it was a relief when it was finally over.

When he got to StarClan, they tried to put him on trial. He got frustrated shortly into it. Ripplestar and Spottedpelt are not here so Literally Why Should I Care?

And they're going to throw this big bombastic ballyhoo, why? To posture? For who? This is pointless and quite frankly embarassing.

He actually interrupted the court proceedings with an Excuse Me. I Don't Want This.

"Thank you for your time. This has been a waste of mine."

It's kind of funny to think that if Houndstar knew about what her mentor did here she would flip her shit at him lmao.

Honestly, he does not mind being in Hell. Like, at all. He'll follow Ripplestar wherever, but in Skypelt I can imagine him making occasional statements about missing the taste of bloodsap or something.

[voltronisanobsession]

Platonic Yandere! Voltron x Reader

These are my first headcanons I’ve uploaded so they might be a little all over the place and unorganized💀💀 but anyways hope you guys enjoy?

I don’t know if having all of them obsessed with you is a good thing or a bad thing

On one side, they’d be willing to do anything in order to protect you

But on the other, there’s literally no way you’re ever getting away from them, not with the defenders of the universe being your personal guard dogs

You had to have been friends with at LEAST one of them before finding the blue lion and I’m feeling Pidge was the first one to have been the starting catalyst

So once you’ve met everyone else, something just clicked in their brains

Your whole being was just so comforting and familiar for them that they didn’t even realize their feelings towards you becoming twisted

You wouldn’t be able to go anywhere by yourself

Feel like eating something? Good thing Hunk’s tagging along, maybe he’ll make you a tasty meal

Need to train in the training deck? Well, Keith feels like his fighting skills are getting a little rusty

Want to look over the star chart? Luckily Coran and Pidge are right there to help you understand some of the patterns

Want to get some rest in your room? Allura’s already suggesting you guys should have a slumber party in her room!

You won’t get any time to yourself, not with one of them breathing down your neck

There will always be one of them right next to you wherever you are

Like they’re clinginess is unreal💀 some will make their clingy needs obvious (LANCE, Hunk, Coran) while the others will be a bit more discreet about it (Shiro, Keith, Pidge)

I feel like Allura would be in between

But despite this, none of them are willing to take the risk of you roaming around outside the castle

You could try and run from them, maybe the aliens on the planets they visit will want to keep you for themselves, or the galra might show up and start attacking!

Because of that lingering fear, missions are usually done with you back in the safety of the castle with Coran and Allura (if she hasn’t begun piloting the lion yet)

They’re usually left on babysitting duties with you which they don’t honestly mind…

All of them would be SUPER overprotective of you to the absolute MAX, telling you the castle was the only place that could keep you safe

If they aren’t around that is

Being around them in the castle begins to feel more an obligation, and you feel more like a prisoner

Which is why you prefer Shiro out of all of them because he’s the only one who gives you some amount of freedom

Shiro understands what it’s like to be kept as a prisoner and understands just how restricting your situation is

He definitely tries to work out some negotiation with you

To make up for the others obsessive need to constantly be around you, he forces them to chill out and just let you be

Kind of like a schedule of some sort

With Shiro’s light supervision, you can finally take a moment for yourself without having to worry about the lingering eyes you’ve felt since leaving earth

Just don’t take advantage of Shiro’s kindness because the little privacy he’s given you can easily be taken away and you’d be back at stage one with the group hogging for your attention

Because this group is diverse in personalities, it can be extremely draining having to deal with them all on a daily basis

Lance and Keith fight for your attention, Lance being more loud and open about it

It’s like a tug of war situation with them, constantly having them bicker over who gets to hangout with you and fighting for that right

“Hey y/n, I say we make a break for it. You, me, we’ll make a great pair just saving the universe!”

“You really think they want to spend time with you?? I think y/n was on their way to the training deck right?”

It’s exhausting to say the least

Having Pidge run on and on about programs she’s working on can be draining and you often find yourself dozing off until she wakes you up, forcing you to listen to her rants and programs she’s currently working on again

(Definitely has some sort of tracker on you, everybody knows about it except you)

I feel like Hunk wouldn’t be as bad as the others but he does force you to cook with him in the kitchen, constantly wanting your inputs and needing compliments, not allowing you to leave until you’ve taste tested all of his new dishes

Manipulates you into staying with him by saying no one appreciates his cooking💀 makes you feel bad so you reluctantly stay in your seat

Allura and Coran…

They have never felt such intense feelings for a person before, so it really throws them off once they’ve developed their twisted version of affection for you

Their planet was destroyed and now that they finally found a home in you, they’re both willing to do anything in order to keep you in the safety of their arms

“Y/n just the person I was looking for! I need your help in running some tests for me”

“Ah y/n there you are! I was starting to get worried when I didn’t find you with the others,,”

Shiro plans on keeping and protecting the innocence he saw in you when you guys first met

Definitely gives overprotective dad vibes

He’ll be forceful with you if you try and do anything dangerous, like trying to go out on missions or even trying to escape them

I don’t think escaping is even possible tbh, they all kinda desperate ngl💔

Overall, this group is dead set on keeping you with them

It doesn’t really matter what you want because you don’t really understand the true dangers the universe can throw at you

They just want to keep you safe and happy

As long as you follow along with their rules and requests, living in the castle with this group won’t be as terrible as compared to you constantly fighting against them

That won’t be well received by either of them, especially Allura and Shiro

[slytherinshua]

Perfect for Me

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre and tags: fluff. loosely set in the regency era (inspired by jane austen - p&p & emma especially). ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ warnings: 1 kiss. mention of wine. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: sunoo x fem!reader. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: you could find 100 reasons why you would never be good enough for any man, but to sunoo, you are perfect. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ wc: 3k. (i got carried away.)

“An engagement? To whom?” Your sister asked, her voice echoing with excitement. She had always wished for you to get engaged so you wouldn’t be as lonely. 

“Kim Sunoo. It’s not finalised yet, there’s still discussion amongst mother and father whether to go through with it.” You said, bored at just the thought of it all as you skimmed through your book page.

“You sound very excited.” Your sister commented sarcastically, snatching the book from your hand so you couldn’t distract yourself with it anymore.

“I saw him while they were talking about me. He looked like he hated the idea - I am sure I saw it right. They mentioned my name, and I looked at his face and he was so taken aback. It was like the thought of me disgusted him. Am I that bad?”

“Are you sure you saw it right?” Your sister asked, and you nodded. “But, I have heard so highly of him! I am sure he would not stand you up like that.” She reassured.

“I am going to disappoint them all.” You stated as if it was a given. And you should have sounded disappointed yourself, but you didn’t. In some sense, you didn’t care whether Kim Sunoo thought ill of you or not. Why would you need to please him?

“I am not you. I don’t even compare to you, but they expect me to be as good as you or even surpass you.” Your gaze drifted to the window. It was a dreary day, reflecting the situation you found yourself stuck in. The sun was nowhere to be found and the rain consisted of a slow dribble. 

You should have been excited about an engagement. And to Kim Sunoo? Anyone would want to marry a son of the Kim’s, especially Sunoo. You heard about how handsome he was practically everywhere you went. And you couldn’t deny that he was handsome, from the 3 times you had spotted him from afar. 

But this situation felt as if you were riding off of your sister’s back, and you hated it. If you got this attention, just from being related to your sister, it seemed obvious to you that you would manage to disappoint many people. The last thing you wanted was for your husband to not love you, or even hate you. The thought itself was somewhat horrifying.

Your sister had all kinds of charms that you did not. She was pretty, reputable, and handled people with grace and ease. It was no wonder she got engaged to the best man out there - Jake Sim.

You were plain as ever, awkward, and always seeming to give off the wrong impression. You were judging towards people naturally, and they judged you back without a second thought. 

The qualities you did have were overlooked by most, your flaws standing out to everyone in a jarring manner. No one seemed to care about your wit, or your love of having conversations about almost any topic. You were expected to stay quiet and look pretty.

It was exhausting - constantly trying to live up to your sister, and always lacking in some respect. You longed for someone to see you aside from her. Someone who didn’t compare you two, only to see that your sister was far superior to you.

“They are going to marry me off to him just because he is rich. And then he is going to hate me for the rest of his life.” You let out anxiously. 

“Y/n, if he is true to his reputation, then I bet my life there is no way he won’t fall helplessly in love with you.” 

“I would not be surprised if all that reputation comes down to him being Mr. Kim’s son. He has a high status from birth. There’s no guarantee that he is as charming and kind as people claim.”

“Rich does not mean unpleasant.” Your sister defended, and you were glad she did. You were being a bit too pessimistic about this.

“I suppose.” You sighed, “But the public is easily fooled, you know.”

“Don’t be so quick to judge him, Y/n.” Your sister warned, picking up a book and turning to the last chapter she left off on. 

You were left to contemplate over it for the rest of the day, the subject only leaving your mind when Jake came over for dinner. 

He had a talent of brightening up the evening for everyone whenever he came. The genuine smiles he shared with your sister and family brought everyone happiness. You were sure that when your sister and him were finally married, everyone would be overjoyed.

//

Sunoo still lingered in your mind over the next 2 weeks, the facial expression of shock and disgust that you had clearly seen on his face before haunted you. What could you have possibly done to deserve that from him? Your brain offered up the thought that you would just never be good enough to impress or satisfy him. You stuck with that explanation like your life depended on it, destroying your self-confidence unknowingly.

You sat in front of the mirror, deciding on which necklace to pair with your elegant silver gown you were to wear for tonight’s masquerade ball at the Kim’s estate. It was of great importance, and an event that had been anticipated for weeks. 

Your mother hoped you would be the star tonight, but you had laughed and shut the thought down. 

“Everyone is going to be swooning over you, aren’t they?” Your sister teased, admiring your dress and hair. You turned and smiled, seeing her leaning against your doorpost with a smirk. “You look very nice, Y/n.”

“I hope there’s good company. If I can’t see people’s faces, I at least want to be able to have good conversation.”

“You always need someone to talk to, don’t you?”

“It’s a lot more interesting than silenting dancing with someone you’ve never met.” You said, finally choosing a necklace.

As you stepped out of the house and into the carriage to drive to the ball, you decided to make the best of whatever situation would come of it. If you really were to marry Sunoo, maybe you could at least fall in love with him, if not the other way around as well.

You arrived, walking in through the large doors and into the ballroom that was already filling up with masked people in elegant attire. The symphony was playing an upbeat but pleasant concerto, filling the room with the harmonious sound of strings.

You were expecting to get at least some offers to dance from what your mother had said. But you soon realised that she had over-exaggerated painfully. 2 hours went by, but you still sat in your seat, boredly watching everyone else dance and laugh and make conversation, all of them too absorbed with their own dance partners to ask you to join. 

You had almost accepted that nothing of interest would happen tonight, and half wanted to go home early, before a well-dressed man finally approached you. You looked up, meeting his handsome and welcoming smile. You could just barely make out his sparkling eyes from the mask he wore.

“You are Miss Cho Y/n, right?” He asked, almost nervously and that made you laugh.

“I am.” You smiled at him, wondering where this was going to lead.

“Would you care to dance with me, Miss Y/n?” He breathed, holding out his hand with a soft smile. You felt your heart beat a little faster in your chest as you nodded and took his hand.

As the music for the last dance came to an end, he led you to the middle of the room, standing across from you with a little smile. And as the dance went on, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. 

You didn’t even know his name, but he was kind enough to ask you to dance and you found yourself wanting to thank him immensely for that small action. The way he moved to the music, and smiled at you made you feel like your heart had been hit by a 4 horse carriage at full speed. You must have taken the record for fastest person to fall in love before even seeing their face. 

As the dance ended, and he took your hand again to lead you back to the side of the room, your face became flushed. He seemed calm and collected, but little did you know, his heart was beating just as fast. 

“May I ask your name?” You managed to ask once you two were farther away from the crowd of people.

“You’ll find out soon enough.” He smiled, leading you into another room like he knew the manor the ball was taking place at very well. “Do you mind if we go somewhere more private? I’d like to see your face.” He asked softly, not wanting to do anything that could make you uncomfortable. You nodded, hoping you would be able to see his full face as well.

He led you up some stairs, through a long hallway, around 3 corners, and eventually into a spacious sitting room. You looked around through your mask, seeing the tasteful decor on the walls, and pretty bouquets of flowers on many surfaces. 

“Please make yourself comfortable. I know it might be a bit improper to take a lady here when we’ve only just met, but nowhere else will be as quiet.” He explained, sitting down on the sofa in the middle of the room. You followed his lead, taking a seat on one of the chairs next to it. “I have some wine… if you would like?” He offered, gesturing to the jar of red wine on the side table.

“Thank you.” He poured you a glass, and you took it. “I’m sorry, but might I be able to know who you are, sir?” You asked anxiously. The kindness he displaced to you felt so foreign, and you didn’t know how to respond to it appropriately. 

He smiled, “Of course.” He set down the wine, hand reaching up to take off his mask and reveal his face. Your eyes widened as you saw his fox-like eyes staring into yours. The eyes and face of Kim Sunoo.

“Mr. Kim?” Your breath was caught in your mouth, stunned by him. Your heart continued to beat heavily in your chest as your eyes studied his face. So his kind reputation wasn’t made up at all.

He smiled again, “Would you like to take your mask off as well?” You quickly took yours off, finding it unfair to him if you were the only one concealed. “Stunning as I remember.” He complimented, taking a sip of his wine.

“Would you like to join us for dinner sometime?” You said suddenly, “Would tomorrow night be convenient?”

He laughed, nodding happily, “I’ll be glad to dine with you and your family. In fact, I would like to stop by often, if you would allow me.” He said softly, knowing just the words to make your heart beat faster.

“Please come by as often as you would like to.”

“It’s different talking to you like this.” He commented, “I always saw you from afar.”

“I can say the same for you.” You spoke pleasantly, quite enjoying the solitude with him over the bustling party, though your mother must be wondering where you were. “Though I must admit, I had a bad impression of you before now.”

“And why is that?” He asked, amused.

“I saw you one night. I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but you can barely even call it that, as I rather heard it unintentionally. You can hardly blame me for listening after hearing my own name being the topic of conversation.” You explained, “I heard the possible engagement mentioned. ‘Miss Cho and Mr. Kim would make a good match, now wouldn’t they?’ - the exact words that Mrs. Lim had mentioned.

“I ignored it after hearing that sentence, but minutes later I looked back to where you were.” You laughed softly, “You wore this look of shock. And detest. I assumed it must be towards the talk of a marriage with me, since that was still the topic at hand. I could only wonder what I had ever done to deserve such a look from you.” You didn’t hold back, explaining it all to him.

“I see…” He smiled, surprising you even more that he wasn’t mad at you, even though you were practically spying on him. “I wasn’t averse to the thought of the engagement. I believe I wore that expression for a very opposite reason.” He said, “The other ladies there were still talking about you, and they weren’t saying very pleasant things either. I must admit that it angered me slightly. It was hard to stand there while they slighted you so severely. Especially when you looked so lovely that night.”

You could scarcely believe your ears as you heard his explanation of it. No one had ever had an issue with you being slighted. You couldn’t recall a single memory of anyone but your sister ever caring. Yet here was Kim Sunoo - a man who you had met less than an hour ago, caring about you more than most of your immediate family.

You spent another hour talking to Sunoo, learning about his life and telling him about yours as well. Your engagement to him was still unclear, but after the time you spent with him the night of the ball, you looked at the possibility with a hopeful heart.

When you told your sister about it that night, she was overjoyed, teasing you endlessly that you had fallen in love with him already. And you couldn’t even say she was wrong. Something about Kim Sunoo just made your heart go crazy.

Sunoo came by the next day, and you walked around the garden with him. You spent the entire afternoon talking. It was more casual and comfortable than the night before, and he stayed for dinner. Sitting through your mother and sister’s teasing over you two was a bit painful, but Sunoo didn’t seem to mind fortunately. 

You spent 2 more months in uncertainty of the marriage. Your hopefulness had turned to anxiousness that the engagement wouldn’t happen. Sunoo’s mother seemed to be wary of the marriage, and you couldn’t blame her. You knew you were far from the ideal bride, but in Sunoo’s eyes, you were perfect.

//

It was almost 3 months after the initial ball - a cheery, bright sunny day. You spent the morning by the window, watching the birds and working on a bonnet that you were hoping to transform. You went out to pick flowers for a bouquet around noon, secretly hoping that Sunoo would come by in the afternoon.

You hadn’t seen him for 12 days, which was very uncharacteristic of him, but he had told you he had some relatives to visit, and you could only assume that was what was keeping him from you.

You were surprised when your housekeeper ran to inform you that a young gentleman was coming by on horseback, and you practically ran to greet him. He looked very dashing on his stallion, dismounting as quickly as his eyes fell on you.

“Miss Cho.” He breathed, walking up to you.

“Mr. Kim - It’s been almost a fortnight. I was starting to think I wouldn’t see you again for a while.” You smiled.

“No- I was just taking care of some business in a neighbouring town.” He explained, catching his breath, “It took a lot longer than expected. I swear I would’ve sent a letter to you had I known it would be more than a couple of days. But I can’t say how happy I am to see your face again.” He smiled, eyes wandering like he had some exciting secret he was keeping to himself.

“Any luck with your mother?” You dared to ask him.

His eyes landed back on yours, soft and shiny with hope, “I got her approval.” Your eyes widened a bit, searching his face for any sign of uncertainty, but you found none. 

“I will ask your father for his approval as well, as soon as I am able to. You’ve waited long enough as it is.” He said, trying to hold back his excitement with a small smile.

“Are you- Are you quite certain?” He nodded, and you felt elated. It was everything you had been wishing for for weeks now.

“Shall I go ask right now?” He proposed, and you smiled, nodding eagerly. 

Waiting outside your father’s office for Sunoo to come back out was one of the hardest things to do. You couldn’t hear anything from inside, but it felt as if they had been in there talking for hours. 

Finally the door opened, and Sunoo stepped back out, looking down at the floor with a smile. He looked up and met your eyes, and his smile only grew. You could tell from his eyes that your father had given his blessing for the marriage. You both wore big smiles for the rest of the day, hearts racing with excitement.

//

“You look like an angel in this gown.” Sunoo said suddenly, eyes glancing over to your own from where he sat on the blanket.

“You compliment me too often, Sunoo.” You said, smiling and blushing. You fiddled with the small band on your finger. Sunoo had given it to you the day before, saying it was a signifier of how much he loved you. It wasn’t fancy, but you adored it.

“But you deserve it.” He continued, and you laughed.

“You’re so endearing.” You replied, scooting a bit closer to him on the hill and threading your fingers with his.

“I try to be. I need to work hard to compare to you.” He giggled.

“You don’t have to try at all for it to work on me.” You said softly, bringing your face closer to his. “I love you.” You breathed, kissing his soft lips like you had done dozens of times today. But you would never get tired of it.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ enha taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @yeonjuns-bluehair,, @syrxiee2