#because it reminds me of way back when i was in like the sanders sides fandom and a musical enjoyer

[princsstwilightsparkl]

people who put really specific and completely unproblematic ship shippers in their fucking dnis are so funny to me, like what do you have against those little lesbians ?? does this mf have twipie trauma ?? what did they do to u

[beauty-and-passion]

This is going to sound really strange but the most recent GRWM video has. Some of the best Janus characterisation I think we’ve seen in a while?? Also he canonically sheds now, so

You are not wrong, anon: this is the best characterization in a while. It's way better than the last one, in which Janus was mostly a drunk idiot, and it's way worse than SvS. This one sits in the middle: it's not bad, it's not amazing. It's good.

Just like Mr. Sanders' last videos regarding Sanders Sides, this GRWM is okay. Not groundbreaking, not impressive, not deep, not stupid. Just okay.

And trust me, this is the best possible outcome! When I found out Thomas was planning a video with Janus and it was a GRWM and Janus had questions to answer... I wasn't just scared, oh no. I was absolutely terrified. I feared to see the destruction of Janus' character. I feared to see him being all like: "YASSS QUEEN all I love is WINE and nothing else, also being SASSY is my religion BIATCH".

And we got a bit of that, sure. But it was a bit, not the avalanche I expected. I was bearable.

After all, this is just a random video. There's nothing plot-related here. Heck, there's not even too much Sanders Sides stuff, because this GRWM clearly was Thomas' attempts to reconnect with the character. I shouldn't care too much about it. I shouldn't overanalyze it.

But you know me: you know I love to over-analyze. And if you know me, you also know that Remus is my favorite child, but Janus has a special place in my heart and if one little thing about him is off I will start rambling.

Hence why I will overanalyze the shit out of these 9 minutes of a video and I will do what I shouldn't do, i.e. look back into the past's characterization. Not for shaming Mr. Sanders for not remembering it (even if the videos still exist and he can watch them too if he wants), but to remind you all of Janus' personality. The public needs to remember what kind of character he was and who he became.

So I'll over-analyze everything and no, you can't escape. You're stuck with me here, so put your seatbelt on, because you're in for one of the things I love the most: talking about Janus.

The importance of nuance

Let's talk about make-up a little bit. Don't worry, by the end you will understand my point.

The current make-up isn't even comparable to the past one. And if a lot of people complain about it and prefer the old one, it's not because they're all demanding: it's because of nuances.

Let me explain and let's start with the current photo Mr. Sanders showed to promote the GRWM video:

If you look at this make-up, your eyes will inevitably be drawn towards that sharp black line. And as soon as you will look at it, you will immediately register it as a drawn line.

It's so clear and so evident it's a line, I can literally see the black liquid eyeliner, the tip and the hand tracing that line on Thomas' skin.

But this line isn't supposed to be a line: it's supposed to be/resemble a snake's mouth.

Now, look at the past make-up:

The line isn't sharp black: the line is nuanced. You can see a bit of brown and a hint of red/pink to give it depth and emphasize the shadow.

Also, this color is very similar to the little shadow given by Thomas' upper lip on the lower one, so it looks more natural against his skin tone. It doesn't seem like something added on him, but on something that was already part of him. And isn't that the goal of make-up? To add something and disappear, so people won't notice it exists in the first place?

Look at the eye as well: the past one is a softer, more nuanced pink. It looks more natural, against Thomas' skin tone. The present one is so dark, it looks more like a bad bruise.

So the problem with the current make-up isn't just that the colors aren't the same: it's that the current colors are too much. They're too sharp, too saturated and, consequently, too fake. It's clear that Thomas wears make-up, while in the past the blend was softer, the colors closer to Thomas' actual complexion. Consequently, the make-up faded and gave us an illusion of reality.

I know Mr. Sanders had skin conditions and everything, but I'm talking about colors and nuances here. Two things a make-up artist should know better than me, an idiot on the Internet who loves art, color theory and learns from artists on the web. You can obtain these things independently of the used products.

So my opinion on the make-up would be: please Mr. Sanders, switch for softer tones, no sharp black and no coral. Too much. Nuance is the key.

And not just for make-up.

---

The fakeness of reality tv

Janus enjoys reality television because nothing about it is real. His specific words are:

I very much enjoy reality television: the scheming, the plotting, the lying. Every person for himself and even on top of that, all of the production none of reality television is actually real. It's just delightful.

I get the idea behind it and I understand why Thomas thought it was a good choice. On paper, it works: Janus should enjoy this kind of show because it's made of lies and he's Deceit.

But if I follow this line of thought, I inevitably meet with Janus from Into the Unknown:

[Patton]: Well yeah I guess you'd like it, everyone all dressed up, disguised as someone else... [Janus]: How is it we've had so many of these visits and you still know so little about me?

Janus himself said that not everything associated with lies is something he enjoys. And it makes sense, because Logan too said the same thing in the last Aside:

"Is that all I am to you? The reading guy?"

So now I'm asking: why does he like reality tv? Just because it's fake? Then why is he so happy about it being fake? Reality tv should represent reality, it should mirror how society works. And thanks to SvS, we know Janus doesn't hold society into high consideration:

[Deceit]: Society itself is a lie! (...) You get enough people to share a piece of land and breathe the same air and... you've got a society. Why? It's just a bunch of people in the same general area. It's an abstract concept, as real as the monster under your bed! But we obey these rules or get punished for breaking them. All in the name of society. It's absurd and terrifying.

Just like society, reality tv has a group of people put together and they make a society. It's an abstract concept, as real as the monster under your bed. And these people must obey the rules or get punished for breaking them.

And yet, Janus doesn't think reality tv is "absurd and terrifying", but "delightful".

Again: why does he like it? Why does he like something so similar to what he hates most?

Maybe you can live with the "It's fake" explanation and that's good for you. But what if instead of liking reality tv because "it's fake", Janus likes it, because it perfectly mirrors the flaws and the emptiness of society? What if he enjoys it, because he loves the irony of society using its own means to unmask itself and show its real face? What if he watches it, not because "it's delightful", but because it's bittersweet to see such an inability to understand your own flaws?

Which explanation do you think is more fitting for his character?

---

Remus eats glue sticks

Of course he does. His digestive system is probably able to digest molten lava, so glue sticks are a walk in the park for him, bless his chaotic soul <3

(Have I already said Remus is my favorite boi?)

---

The possibilities of shedding

Okay, the "Have you considered not having pores?" is hilarious and I love it on multiple levels.

Well, here we are. Janus sheds, two to four times a year. And I know the fandom went crazy over this and I'm happy for you... but I never really cared too much about it.

I mean: it's fine, but I can't really think of anything truly special to headcanon about it. Snakes shed their skin all the time and they just chill around, while slowly peeling their skin off. It's not dangerous, it doesn't hurt, it's just exfoliation time✨. I mean, does it hurt you, when you remove sunburnt skin? Don't think so. The worst thing for snakes is probably not being able to take the skin off with hands, since they don't have hands.

But hey, this is canon now, so I should probably integrate it in my headcanon. And I can do it in two different ways:

The shedding is just part of Janus' routine: twice a year he gets one day off, takes a reeeeally long bath and slowly peels off his skin until he's done.

I can take inspiration from this fanart and imagine the shedding as a real "leaving your body behind" process, in which Janus slowly gets submerged into his room and re-emerges as a form of pure power and instincts, which then solidifies into a new body. I think I like this idea more, because when I go with Janus, I need something that makes him look either more god-like or more monster-like.

And since we're talking about snake traits, how many more does he have? Because I already added a few on my list, like:

sunbathing

climbing trees

laying everywhere (especially on trees)

taking long relaxing baths

And I'm just waiting for an excuse to add "mating". But I suppose only future will tell.

---

What you don't like

"An important aspect of being oneself, in addition to knowing what you like, is knowing what you don't like and saying to that thing: ew get away from me, I don't like you... Roman"

Okay, that was genuinely funny and it made me smile, so kudos for that, Mr. Sanders. It was a clever move and I enjoyed it.

Also, for more reasons I will explain further down, this makes me want to write a conversation between Janus and Roman, to study how they work together, why they don't like each other and their personalities in general. My only problem would be to put it on a timeline, because I don't like to write things suspended in a temporal vacuum. If inspiration strikes, maybe I'll do it.

---

Religion... and self-preservation

Now, I don't know who made that question about Jesus Christ, but you. You. You gave me real fear... but also indirectly confirmed one of my headcanons, so thank you, I suppose.

I was bracing myself, waiting and hoping Thomas didn't say anything stupid, because Janus and religion have a super tight bond and one misstep can lead to me rambling for the rest of my life, all while throwing canon into the trash because no one can say anything wrong about the relationship Janus has with religion, not even Mr. Sanders.

But the answer was... okay. Harmless. A bit simplistic, maybe, but I can accept Janus saying that Jesus is cool for having followers and turning water into wine.

What really struck me the most was when he said Jesus is his style because "he refuses to die".

For me, that's the most important part of the video. You can take away everything else, because this is the only part that matters for me.

Why? Because this is the essence of self-preservation. Because, as I said in the past, self-preservation is that force that protects you from dangers, threats, even yourself. And it protects you from death. It's part of that intrinsic will to live that defines all living creatures.

So, since Janus encompasses this role too, it has always been implied (at least for me) that he's that force that will fight against death until the end, just to make Thomas live a little longer. In my headcanon, he literally refuses to think Thomas can die before his time, because he's built to not make this happen.

Hence why when I saw Janus putting such emphasis on the idea that Jesus refuses to die made me immensely happy, because it's (implied) canon. Janus refuses to die, because he will never surrender to death. Because it's his nature, to never surrender to it.

---

Deceit or Ego?

The snake telepathy part was fun when mentioned, then it was followed by the "memememe I'm gorgeous" part, which is perfect if you're the representation of Ego, a bit less if you're deceit.

Speaking of that, I think there's a bit of confusion in Thomas' mind regarding these two aspects. And since they're represented by two different Sides, the contrast is even more jarring.

Janus is confident and this is part of his personality. But confidence isn't repeating "me" in your head 400 times and telling yourself that you're gorgeous and handsome even when sitting still. This isn't confidence, this is Ego. This is something Roman could say to himself... and he did it, in the past. He looked at himself all the time, called himself gorgeous, asked if his makeup was okay because the prince's gonna slay, said he dramatically serenaded himself in front of the mirror. All these things are a constant reconfirmation of yourself and this is what the Ego does: it constantly reconfirms you're great and cool and gorgeous.

Confidence, on the other hand, doesn't need constant confirmations. If you're confident, you already know you're great, you don't need to repeat it yourself. You just do your things and if others criticize you, you shrug their reprimands off.

One example of confidence from this video? This part:

"What are my guilty pleasures?" Guilty pleasures? Why would a pleasure be guilty? I've got none of those. Indulge in your pleasures guilt-free, people: life is short.

This proves Janus is confident, WAY MORE than him repeating how cool he is. This is the tone he should've had for most of the video, not that "Oh, look at how cool I am".

Also because it may seem a paradox, but the more you repeat how cool you are, the less people will believe you. That's why people who constantly show off are perceived as weak and insecure: because they search for a constant reconfirmation they would probably never need, if they were truly confident.

---

All of the selfcare - and what else?

Aside from the things I already mentioned, the rest of the video is mostly made of advice like "your opinion is the only one that matters/others are less than you/don't give a shit about others".

I don't know if this is Mr. Sanders making a reminder to himself to not indulge in criticism too much, but okay, let's ignore it XD

These pieces of advice can all be traced back to another aspect of Janus' personality: the self-care one. The last canonical one.

And since it's the last, I can understand why Thomas latched onto it and made it be like 60% of the video. It's probably the part of Janus' character he remembers the most.

And it's the easiest too, along with the "sassy" aspect. Put them together and you get the sassy queen who tells you to relax dear, don't give a fuck about the rest of the world.

So I understand you, anon, when you say this is the best characterization in a while: it is, because it's based on the last canonical piece of Janus' character, mixed with the "sassy" aspect that developed more recently. Of course it seems more coherent with Janus' character, compared to him being drunk for an entire video.

But even if canonical, self-care is just an aspect of Janus' personality and it makes most of the video. The remaining part is a huge amount of Ego, which shouldn't even be here, because it's Roman's trait.

And the other aspects? Nowhere to be seen. No distaste for society, no cryptic language, no wittiness, barely any lie, barely any real confidence, barely any body language and zero foreseeing ability.

I know what you're thinking and yes, I said at the beginning that this video is clearly just a way for Mr. Sanders to reconnect with the character. So I understand why Janus' personality is like that and that there are mistakes or incomplete things. I am not blaming Thomas for trying.

I am writing this post, to remind you Janus' full personality. To remind you that he's not just "sassy wine aunt/self-care queen".

On the contrary, I think present Janus is exactly like his make-up: the traits are similar to the original one, but the aspects are too sharp. They should be here, they are part of him, but they're not in the exact shade or nuance to be him. They are similar, but off, because something is missing. And that something is nuance.

In the end, that's what this post is all about: nuance. Past Janus was more nuanced, because he was more than one aspect. Present Janus is less nuanced, because he's stuck between two aspects - which is a truly cruel irony, considering his entire thing is being a gray, multifaceted character.

My only hope is that, just like with the make-up, Mr. Sanders will find a way to bring nuances back into Janus' character and make him at least similar to who he used to be.

[th3w00ds]

Hey I saw your requests were open? If that's still the case then I'd love to request a Natemare x reader that has some sanders sides fic where the reader has been dating Mare for awhile so the reader decides to finally introduce Mare to there best friend of many years, Virgil. If that's possible, please and thank you.

Of course!!!

I Lie Inside Myself for Hours

@namelessmunster

Title From: Imaginary by Evanescence

Fandom: Youtuber Egos + Sanders Sides

AU: None

Content Warnings: Not proofread

----------------------------------------

As you were standing in front of the Sides house, it occurred to you for the fifteenth time that day that Natemare, your boyfriend, had never met the Sides. You didn’t know if they’d even get along.

The reason you were here other than introduce him to your friends was to see your best friend of many years, Virgil. He was an anxious guy, but somehow you were closest to him out of the Sides rather than one would probably expect your best friend to be, like Logan or Patton.

But Anxiety was the one who you were closest to. You’d known Virgil for around five years, since Thomas had invited you over saying that he “wanted you to meet a few people.” It turned out that those people were parts of himself. 

You sighed, and knocked on the door, then turning to Mare. “It won’t be that long, usually Roman- Creativity gets the door within a few seconds,” 

“Yeah? Wellll, I can’t help but notice it’s taking a few more than that, isn’t it Y/N?” He said sarcastically, looking around the outside of the house. Oh yeah, he’d for sure get along with Virgil. 

Around ten seconds later Roman opened the door, and he smiled at the sight of you. He called out to the other Sides, “Y/N IS HERE!!!”

Then he looked back at you and his eyes turned to Mare. “Ohh, who is this now? Your lover? What’s his name? How did you meet-“ 

“Roman!! Shut!!!” You said, interrupting him. That man never stopped with his romance questions if he figured one was interested in it. 

“Awww… fine, I’ll save them for later. But do I at least get to know his name?” Roman said.

You looked over at Mare, and he smiled.

“I’m Natemare, but if you want you can call me Mare,” He told Roman, shaking his hand. 

“Well.. come in! Virgil will be happy to see you, Y/N!” Roman said, moving out of the way. 

“Who’s Virgil?” Mare asked you as you both walked into the house.

“He’s my best friend,” You answered.

“And you’ve never introduced me to him? Shame upon you,” He said jokingly, “How dare you not introduce me to everyone you know.” 

“Shut up,” you said, laughing a little. 

“Hmm… no!” He replied. “Y’know, I am curious as to who the other Sides are. Roman was certainly a… character,” 

“That’s just how he is,” you said. You then saw Logan, Patton and Janus hanging out in the living room, playing some kind of board game.

Patton looked up first, and pretty much shouted in excitement. “Y/N! You’re here! I’m so happy, it’s been way too long,” 

“Patton, it has been two weeks since Y/N has last visited.” Logan said, placing a piece on the board. Janus looked at you, slightly smiling, and then he looked at Mare.

“Oh, great, there are two emos here now.. I’m so thrilled,” He said, and he rolled his eyes.

“You remind me of my younger brother,” Mare said to Janus. 

“Amazing,” Janus said flatly. Patton then went up to Mare.

“What’s your name? Are you human? Also, I’m Patton, Thomas’s Morality, Logan is his Logic and Janus is his… Deceit,” He said. 

“I’d suggest stopping with the rampant questions, Patton, he’s already been questioned enough by Roman,” Logan said.

“It’s okay. I’m Natemare, and no, I’m not human. I’m a siren,” Mare answered Patton. 

“Like the beings that lured sailors to their deaths in Greek Mythology?” Logan asked. 

Mare nodded, “Exactly. Most people I meet get scared when they hear that, so it’s kind of new that people aren’t.. you know, trembling and backing away just because of that.” 

“It wouldn’t be nice to judge you based on what you are!” Patton said, smiling once more. 

“Hypocrite,” Janus quietly said with anger while out of earshot of Patton. Which was true. Out of all the light Sides, Patton was the one who judged the dark Sides based on what they were the most. 

“That’s nice. It was nice meeting all of you, Y/N has mentioned all of you once or twice,” Mare said. 

“You did?!” Patton said happily. 

You nodded. “Yeah. Also, Patton, do you know where Virgil is?” You asked. You hadn’t seen the emo nightmare yet, which was odd. Usually he was one of the first to come talk to you when you came over. 

“Yes, where is that raccoon? He disappeared right when you showed up,” Janus said. 

“He’s downstairs,” Patton replied, “Probably on the couch, poor kiddo. I wonder what’s up with him today..” 

It might be the fact a new person is here. Virgil didn’t like new people, he never has. It took him a while to trust you, and even more time for him to open up to you. 

“Thank you! We’ll go check on him,” You said, walking down the stairs with Mare.

“So.. if the Sides represent things about Thomas, then what is Virgil?” Mare asked you. 

“Virgil is Thomas’s Anxiety,” you answered his question. “He’s not really a people person,” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Mare said. You two reached the bottom, and entered into a second living area. 

You looked around for your best friend, and then saw him on the couch, like Patton said he might be.

He was on his phone, probably scrolling on Tumblr, with his hood up and his headphones in. The music was loud, so loud that you could hear it. It was “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” by My Chemical Romance, which was Virgil’s self proclaimed “theme song” and one you two often listened to together. 

Well, if listening is counted as screaming the lyrics to it at 3am, then yes, you listened to it together. 

You went up to him and tapped his shoulder a few times. “Virgil??”

He paused his music and looked up, not taking off his hood. “What?” He said with an annoyed tone. You were stunned for a moment. He hadn’t been this blatantly annoyed with you since before you were best friends.

“Uh- I want you to meet someone,” You said, gesturing to Mare. Virgil sighed, and finally took off his hood, taking out his headphones as well. 

“Who?” That was all he said. “Don’t tell me they’re like Roman… or worse, Remus,” 

“Oh, no, he’s not like them at all. This is Natemare, my boyfriend,” You said. Virgil moved to look at Mare, looking him up and down. 

“He’s your boyfriend? Huh. Wait, first of all, WHEN did you get a boyfriend? You’ve never mention this to me before,” he said, his annoyance slightly going away. 

“We’ve been dating for six months,” Mare answered for you. 

“Six months??? Y/N, you’ve been over here  eight times in that time and you’ve NEVER mentioned this??? I would’ve thought that you would tell me whenever you got a partner, since you’re, you know, my best friend!” Now the annoyance was back. Virgil did seem mad, as he raised his voice slightly.

“Hi.. I don’t want us to bother you, we can leave if you want,” Mare said. “Also.. were you listening to MCR? They’re one of my favorite bands, and I’m Not Okay is a good song.” 

Virgil was silent for a few moments, and then spoke. “No, you guys can… stay if you want. I want Y/N here at least,” He said.

“Alright,” You said. “Can I sit next to you?” You asked. Virgil simply nodded, and moved so you could sit next to him.

You sat down, and Mare sat down too. You moved closer to him, and Virgil sort of.. glared?? Does he think that just because you have a boyfriend, you’re going to abandon him or something?

“Virgil.. I’m not going to leave you, and I’m not going to stop being friends with you just because I have a boyfriend,” You said, trying to reassure him due to his unspoken feelings. 

“Who said I thought that? I wasn’t saying that,” He said. Mare laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal your best friend from you or something,” 

Virgil… actually laughed at that. That was a good sign. 

That was probably the quickest time he laughed at something someone he just met said, even when you had first met him.

You could tell they’d get along great. Eventually. 

[snowdice]

Face the Music (Sometimes Labels Shift Series)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton, (background) Patton & Virgil, Logan & Virgil

Characters: 

Main: Patton, Logan

Mentioned: Virgil

Summary: Patton and Logan have a small chat about healing between Wind Symphony and Wind Symphony: The Sequel.

This is a dealing with events set after my story Sometimes Labels Fail.

Notes: Superhero AU (not that it matters), past emotional abuse, references to a nontypical trigger, though said trigger has been dealt with in therapy and is mostly under control though not gone

“You don’t have to go,” Logan said when Patton was halfway through pulling off his shirt. Patton finished pulling off the shirt to squint at him. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, so Logan’s form was blurry, but he was sitting on their bed looking at him.

“I know I don’t have to go,” said Patton. He turned to grab the sleeping shirt he’d set out and pulled it over his head.

“Virgil wouldn’t care,” Logan said. “I would be the more likely candidate to take him shopping for such a thing considering the research I’ve done into the topic anyway. I doubt he has any expectations that you will come.”

Patton frowned as he slipped his glasses back onto his face, turning Logan from a blurry mess of blue into a man wearing a blue t-shirt. “Maybe he wouldn’t,” Patton said, “but you don’t know that.”

“Patton,” Logan said, his brow creased in the way that it did only when he was attempting to do a very difficult math equation or was trying to process emotions on the fly. “You once almost had a panic attack because a musician attempted to hand you a violin.”

“That was years ago,” Patton bristled, “and I’d been having a bad day. The violin was not the problem.”

“Perhaps not,” Logan agreed, “but it was a problem.”

“A music shop is not a house of horrors for me,” Patton said. It was the truth even if it felt just a bit like a lie. What he remembered from the music shop of his childhood, the one he’d have to go to for new music books every time he completed his old ones, was an old man who would freeze Patton in place with his gaze (even when he wasn’t actually doing so with his powers), ancient instruments on the walls that Patton’s young mind had imagined being used in blood rituals, and an overwhelming sense of foreboding. He thought normal music shops probably were not like that.

Logan was still frowning, so Patton crossed to the bed and reached for his face. He kissed him on the nose.

“I want to be there,” he told Logan. “Playing the clarinet is something that Virgil loves, and I want to support him in every way I can. I will not be like my mother and that both means not making him play an instrument if he doesn’t want to and encouraging him to do so if he does want to.”

It was easier said than done. If Patton had ever gotten joy from playing a violin, he did not remember it. Thoughts of playing a musical instrument filled him with an uncomfortable squirming sensation even after all of these years. It was a knee-jerk reaction to not want Virgil to experience the same thing, but he was not his knee-jerk reactions. He’d been very careful to keep his instinctual thoughts to himself (and occasionally to Logan when it felt unhealthy to keep them bottled up).

Virgil liked playing music. It made him happy. Sometimes Patton had to remind himself of that in order to react appropriately, but that was okay. It was a little more effort in an area most people wouldn’t even have to think about, but it was worth it.

“He does want to,” Patton continued, “so even if that desire isn’t something I will ever be able to relate to, I still need to show up.”

The face between Patton’s hands still seemed unsure. “This is just a small thing,” Logan said. “We already know you’ll be going to all of his performances. You can show up for him without going on this specific outing.”

“Life is made up of small things,” Patton said, shaking his head, “and it’s also short. I am a 56-year-old man. I refuse to live my life in fear of a string instrument. Anymore.”

“Still,” Logan said, reaching up to cup Patton’s hand still on his cheek.

Patton just rolled his eyes fondly. “I appreciate the concern,” he said, “but I’m going.”

Logan opened his mouth to speak.

“No more talking,” Patton said, using his hands to gently push Logan back onto the bed. He leaned most of his weight on him, though his toes still touched the floor. “Just cuddles.”

Logan hesitated, but then gave in. “Very well,” he agreed and then paused a moment. “Could we perhaps cuddle in a more reasonable position?”

“No,” said Patton, tucking his head into Logan’s chest with a smile. Logan sighed under him and reached up to pat his hair.

Patton knew he’d be able to face any music store as long as Logan was with him.

“Face the music,” Patton whispered with a giggle. Logan groaned.

Want to read more? Click below!

Labeled Master Post.

My Masterpost.

[the-astrophel-system]

do you have a list of your fave to least fave sanders sides episodes? ive seen your ts crit and i agree with most of it, but it surprised me that you didn't like svs redux? so which episodes do you like, or dont you like and why?

-🦇

Thanks so much for the question!!! I may go on another rant on specific episodes another time, but I hope this is a satisfying answer! Remember that it is okay to have different opinions, and if you like, share your rankings!

Season One Favourites:

1. Accepting Anxiety 1 & 2. How could I not rank these as my favourites from season one. The messages are getting deeper, the absolute angst and comfort, learning Virgil's name. The importance of accepting your anxiety as a part of yourself. It was honestly so beautiful.

2. My Negative Thinking. I still think this is one of my favourite early episodes. As someone with really bad anxiety, I think of this episode whenever I've having a cognitive distortion. It has helped me calm myself down, rationalise my thoughts, and please, the 'your mum' bit was funny as fuck.

3. Making Some Changes. Thomas' friends portray the sides. Enough said.

4. Alone On Valentine's Day. This one was funny, I like the Sims bit, and again the 'first you take her by the hand' bit. Little weird looking back and seeing Thomas try to woo a girl, but it was funny and it reminds me that friendship and self love is important.

5. A New Year Of Lying To Myself, In Song. First song of the series and boy is it good. Its catchy, it reminds us to be kind on yourself and set yourself up for success. Lovely.

Season One Least Favourites:

1. I'm In A Disney Show. I always, always, always skip this one. Doesn't interest me.

2. Becoming A Cartoon. Again, skip this one. I'm bored.

3. Way Too Adult. This one makes me feel bad because I cannot be an adult, and I feel like a failure! The adultery bit is funny tho, only early on, later in the series, we know Patton is smarter than this.

4. Growing Up. Again, making me feel scared and unsuccessful in my life! Stop calling me out for not having my life sorted or making the most of my potential. Also I cried for Patton in this video.

5. My True Identity. While it was a beautiful introduction, its not one I go back to or rewatch.

Season Two Favourites:

1. Selfishness vs Selflessness. I adore this episode. I absolutely adore it. I agree with everyone else that going to the wedding was terrible, but I love love love this episode. The banter, the one liners, it was so fucking funny, the change of scenery, the plot. I adore it. Favourite episode by far.

2. Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. Gotta be honest, didn't love Remus at first, but this episode is so important. It's helped me with accepting my own intrusive thoughts.

3. 12 Days Of Christmas. Another beautiful song and I loved it. Adored it, all of them are so silly and funny, and just I loved it. Also the sweaters were adorable, I wish I had Virgil's.

4. Can Lying Be Good. Can an introduction be any more iconic??? I still get shivers when I watch Janus be introduced.

5. Fitting In. Now, I heavily dislike that Thomas STILL supports the Harry Potter franchise, but this episode was so cruicial in Virgil's character arc. Immediately after he is recognised for his importance, he struggles to point out to not put him in a box. And he is listened to. Chef's kiss, love this episode.

Season Two Least Favourites:

1. Working Through Intrusive Thoughts. Disliked it, heavily disliked it. I didn't personally relate to how they portrayed this. I just didn't connect to it and probably won't watch it again.

2. Moving On 1 & 2. I just really disliked these episodes. I don't really know how to explain it. Whenever I watch them, I feel like Virgil in them the entire time (ha, irony). I'm not a nostalgic person, so I relate too heavily to this and it makes me sad when I think about it.

3. Crofter's The Musical. Its cute, maybe because it was just a filler / ad, is the reason why I dislike it. I just always skip it lmao.

4. Why Do We Get Out Of Bed. Existentialism, enough said.

5. Putting Others First, SvS Redux. Now, I know I said I didn't like it, so why is it only 5th in this list? I loved the concept, I really did. But what I didn't like was how certain things were portrayed. Maybe its a mix of me questioning my own morality, but gosh it was hard to watch at points. I don't know how else Thomas could have portrayed certain things, but I didn't like the whole giant Patton Frog thing at all. I loved Janus' arguements, but near the end of the episode (pretty much after he shares his name) I feel like his personality switched up so quickly, it gave me whiplash. I understand that Janus isn't evil, he is just part of Thomas' self preservation. It was just such a dramatic and sudden change, it almost felt like I had missed a season of growth. Janus had only been in 2 episodes previously, its wild to think about. I believe he would've shared his name, but then afterwards immediately joking around with Thomas after being insulted? Why would self protection just allow that mask to stay down? Why wouldn't Janus go instantly back to that mysteriousness and then we need to later encourage Janus to open up again? Maybe Roman apologises and we have a bigger and more in depth discussion in what it means in accepting a "dark side". Maybe all of this will be addressed in the season two finale, but after over 4 years of no episodes, POF just seems rushed and unfinished.

Again! Its okay to have different opinions, feel free to share them below

[dramaticnerdwithanxiety11]

it is batshit crazy to be back into Sanders Sides again. Guys, this hyperfixation sailed shortly before Remus was introduced. I started watching Sanders Sides seven years ago when I was eleven.

I'm eighteen now. I have a massive collection of fandoms, I've posted 124 fanfictions to my Ao3 account and written well more than that, I've read likely billions of words if not more, and re-experiencing an old fandom is. weird.

for a lot of reasons. like i avoid TSS because it reminds me of bad times, and it's labeled CRINGE the same way my septiplier phase is, but it's really not that bad and honestly. chat. i.

look. anxiety is emo, he has brown hair, and he's pathetic. he's literally my type textbook.

Anyways, regardless of that, im losing my shit and it's really crazy to be giggling over the same bullshit i giggled over at eleven and yapping to my friends about things my favorite characters do that Mean Things but then also have like. an adults understanding of the series.

[casey-complains]

What do you think about rewatching the earlier episodes. Im thinking of doing it but im scared il end up not liking it or that it benefits ts in a way.

Also I know you talked about when people started feeling it got bad, and I realise im an outlier being this early but I didnt like it once the new sides started appearing like remus. I think its because it upped in produktion Value at that point i remember it being fun when we saw the sides room now and again but once it was constant i really missed the homemade vibes.

i have.. a complicated relationship with the older videos. on one hand, im deeply nostalgic for sanders sides, and the older videos bring that out the most. it really did seem like a silly passion project thomas had, and something he used as a way to deal with his issues - like you said, homemade vibes!

on the other hand, it feels like looking back on good times with an ex partner youre on bad terms with. sure, its nice to remember when everything felt amazing, but it just reminds you of how bad things are now.. i cant look at old sasi without "this show isnt good anymore" at the forefront of my mind. plus the comments along the lines it being two weeks or so since thomas posted... some things age better than others

there was a point i was going through some old saved edits on instagram, and a particular edit of patton in are there healthy distractions prompted me to watch it, and i enjoyed it briefly! but rewatching the whole series would be too much of an emotional rollercoaster for me tbh

also reminded for all that remus' introduction was only two main episodes ago... and dwit is over 4 years old

[grungeeuvu]

A through Z (minus the ones you've already answered)

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

My favourite ship at the moment is FengQing (Feng Xin X Mu Qing from TGCF) and I am constantly talking @astrowaffles 's ear off about them. Platonically, I'm always mentally ill about the Shiratorizawa team and how they all support each other. Family-wise, I can't get Shen Twin aus out of my head

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Yaku and Suga from Haikyuu, both platonic and romantic :) I think either way would be really sweet and funny

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Shiragoshi. I see no appeal in it for either of them and it kinda just gives me the ick

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Anything with Karasuno first years that aren't the stereotypical main ships except maybe Yamahina. Idk I just feel like Tsuki x either of the volleyball idiots would go terribly and someone would end up getting hurt.

Also, Yachi is very much a lesbian to me and I'm taking that to the grave 🫡

Also, kawagata doesn't click with me. I prefer reongata, since they're both third years and at least had dialogue with each other

For a non Haikyuu pairing, I've got to say giyushino or shinogiyu - I don't know if it's hinted canon or just widely popular but I really can't care for it. I don't hate it, I just have no interest

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

I haven't altered the fandom with it but I made #RichPrinceFuckerVirgil a trend with my friends back in 2019

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

The timeline gets a bit confuddled here but my first otp was either prinxiety (Roman X Virgil from Sanders Sides) or klance (Keith X Lance from VLD)

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

I scoped out the Skulduggery Pleasant fandom and I'm not planning on going back (which sucks because the books are amazing)

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Either Zuko, Tsukki, Mu Qing, or Ming Fan (can you tell I'm a fan of grouchy people with the ability to do good?)

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

As someone very neutral over Asahi, I really have to say that he is portrayed as the ace amazingly. Even though he isn't the main character and can't score all the epic points, he's still an inherently powerful force and you always trust in him when the ball goes his way, as this viewer.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Feng Xin :)

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

Reincarnation fics (TGCF)

Multi-chap AU fics (Haikyuu)

ObaMitsu content (KNY)

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

The song "Black Sheep" by Gin Wigmore reminds me of Hua Cheng/TGCF calamities :))

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Sendai Frogs as a forced together bounty hunting crew in a space au that becomes found family 💪

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

DSMP/MCYT - after Technoblade sadly passed away and then the finale was handled so clumsily, I just couldn't bother with it anymore. However, I still watch a lot of those YouTubers today, like Tommyinnit and Jack Manifold :)

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Shiratorizawa Third Years for the win!!!!

@/baguantte has an AMAZING piece of fanart for all of them which I regularly return to look at :))

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Shen Yuan was chronically ill before he transmigrated and he died not just due to choking but because a seizure happened during his rage-eating. We know he's an unreliable narrator, hence why he never mentions this - he hated being ill and felt ashamed by it, so he never wants to think about it now he's no longer sick.

A prompt for this could be Shen Qingqui gets wife plotted and the consequence is far too similar to how he lived his old life that he keeps nearly breaking over it. Could lead to an identity reveal or just some good ol' hurt/comfort

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

Yamagata has clinical depression. Idrk where this came from but it's something I very much stand by and have lots of interlocking ideas with so, yeah, no one is changing my mind on that.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Mu Qing (TGCF/Heaven Official's Blessing) - he's my favourite because of his complicated character. He says negative things, the rumours about him is how he is cold and unkind, yet we see his actions and behaviour portrayed very differently. He's a truly complicated guy.

Goshiki Tsutomu (Haikyuu) - I've written an essay on him which I now cannot find??? I'll have to fish it out but basically he's a really well written character whom performs so hard despite the anxiety he's visibly under being in such an infamous team

Shen Yuan (SVSSS/Scum Villain's Self Saving System) - he's a nerd who died and is now a hot guy but has the nerve to complain about it, he's just like me and I love that.

V - Which character do you relate to the most?

It sounds dramatic and emo as fuck, but Mu Qing. I just get him on a very deep level.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Major Character Death or just Character Death in general - I always find it very cheap or unfulfilling. To get me on board with Major Character Death takes a LOT

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

The Girlboss X Malewife ship - I don't mind the genders, I don't care for dynamics... if that ship is in there, it's likely to be my favourite!! See FengQing and KyouHaba for reference lol

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Bnha, Bungo Stray Dogs and a bit of Mob Psycho

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

AHHHHH OKAY UHHH I accidentally got my mother into not just Haikyuu and Demon Slayer but also TGCF?? We've been watching The Untamed together too - she really wants me to read her manga series Boys Over Flowers and I've been meaning to haha

[lesbianyuuga]

we don't really like what you do

Pairing: Loceit (could be seen as platonic OR romantic)

Summary: Logan has always been seen as weird, it's hard to be normal when you're so different than everyone else.

Triggers: panic attacks

Word Count: 592

I originally posted this on ao3 under the username steampunkgoggles ^_^

 Logan was used to being different, from a young age he’d always been seen as an outsider, he was different from his peers. He had to wear headphones, he wore skirts instead of pants, he ate special food and all he’d talk about if given the chance was space. It’d never bothered him before though, he was perfectly fine on his own. That was until Janus came along. Janus was different then the other kids, which is why the two hit it off so well, Janus had vitiligo and heterochromia which led to bullying more often than not. Janus was sassy, sarcastic, and brutal. 

Logan loved him. 

“Eat your food Logan,” Janus said 

“Hm? Oh right” Logan replied, mouth full of sandwich. 

“You’re so lucky I’m your friend or you’d never eat” Janus exclaimed, picking at his own sandwich

“I am very lucky to have you I agree” 

Blushing Janus turned his attention back to his sandwich

“Janus gloves” Logan reminded 

“Ah, right” Janus mumbled eyebrows furrowing in concentration 

“I guess you’re lucky to have me too” 

“I was going to take my gloves off eventually!” Janus remarked

“I do not think so” Logan smirked 

Grumbling Janus took a bite of his sandwich. 

The two ate the rest of their lunch in peace, basking in each other’s comforting presence.

—

Logan hated P.E. he found it unnecessary and obnoxious, but worst of all, he found it incredibly overstimulating, the teacher was frankly an asshole who didn’t care to read Logan’s 504 or he’d know that Logan did not do contact with others (besides his parents and Janus) and he got overstimulated very easily. This was one of those moments where he could not move, people were swarming him on either side, their bodies too close to his, the smell of sweat overwhelming his senses, he was utterly screwed.  Breathing heavily Logan slowly slid to the ground attempting to recover his breathing 

‘Inhaleexhaleinexhaleinexhale’ Logan repeated in his head. 

With shaky legs and labored breathing Logan ran out of the gym and into the bathroom. 

—

It was a while before he felt safe enough to leave the bathroom, but by then it was already too late, word had spread around quickly of Logan’s speedy escape, making people stare and whisper at him as he walked down the hallway. Rushing Logan ran to the place he and Janus eat lunch, a stairwell in the back of the school. Sitting down Logan sighed in relief and sat down, he had a free period and so did Janus. Wrapping his arms around his knees Logan started to shake, he was so so overwhelmed. Rocking back and forth Logan pulled out his phone to message Janus

L: Will you be here soon? Nonverbal.

J: Yes, on my way now.

Dropping his head into his hands Logan waited for Janus.

“I’m so sorry I’m late Mr. Sanders pulled me behind after class to discuss my grade because I totally care about that,” Janus said panting.

Looking up Logan just nodded reaching out for Janus.

Sitting down Janus pulled Logan into his arms and held him tight.

“Do you want me to talk or do you want quiet?” Janus whispered 

Glancing away Logan held up two fingers 

“That’s fine,” Janus said gently holding Logan’s cheek with his hand and rubbing it. 

Logan closed his eyes and he drifted off, the sound of Janus’s soft breathing serving as a lullaby. Janus watched him sleep, knowing that even if it was just for a little bit Logan was finally getting a break.

[writingdevil]

Hello, I hope you have a good day.

First of all I wanted to say that I love your Slay The Princess content, your romantic stories are so beautiful, I get to feel the romantic love between the voices and at the same time I get to feel it as platonic because, you know, technically they are part of the same person, so I think it's like a way of showing self-love, which I find very sweet. You are so talented that you ruined the chemistry in my brain and the little voices now have free rent in my head from how good your stories are.

Secondly, I wanted to ask you, how do the voices feel about The decider (aka Us), did you come to love them? (I can't help but feel some devotion AND longing vibes from the voices, Specially from hero, cold, Paranoid and from oppy too,because i mean technically they exist by and for The Long Quiet) And what does each voice feel for their respective princess? Did they love them, did they hate them, do they feel empty without them? And how would the voices react to meeting The Decider, The Princess And The Other Ships again?

I need to know your opinion on this, please. Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day. Bye bye.

Oh and you can call me 🫧Anon if you want

AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!! THIS IS SUCH A SWEET ASK!!!

I'm really glad you like my stories! I love this game and the voices so much and I'm just happy that I can make others fall in love with them. I think the idea of the voices loving each other being viewed as 'self love' is really cute. It reminds me of the the Sanders sides!

As for your questions, I'll try and answer as best as I can!

I think all the voices love and care for the Decider to some extent, and at the end of the day, just want what's best for Him. They are pieces of the Long Quiet, and what happens to Him happens to them, so they're always looking out for the best way to keep Him safe and happy.

Some voices care more intensely than others, such as Hero, Skeptic, Para, and Cold-looking for either the best way to protect Him physically (Para and Cold-protecting Him from pain and death) or mentally (Hero and Skeptic trying to steer Him in the right direction and make sense of the situation).

Others have a different way of expressing their love, like Oppy or Broken, who at first glance don't have the Long Quiet's best interest at heart. Broken is willing to slit your throat when Tower commands you to, and Oppy straight up takes control of your body. But it always boils down to safety, in my opinion. They just want to do anything to keep Him safe, even if He doesn't see it in the moment. When up against the many vessels of the princess, they're willing to do anything, to abandon any morals, to betray what the others want, because they believe that they're right and everyone else is wrong in that moment.

They all love Him and are devoted to Him, but sometimes that means going against Him.

I'm assuming this is in the world of Tongues and Teeth, so for the voices opinions on their princesses, it's very mixed.

Hero-I suppose the Chapter 1 base princess would be his, would it? He definitely cared for her, always looking to save her, but I feel like he has more of an attachment to the Long Quiet, so I think if he believes she's happy, then he's happy.

Cold-Love is a strong word for Cold, but I also don't think he hated the Spectre. She was interesting and gave him a chance to feel something new, and I think they'd be friends, if given the chance. But to miss her and feel empty without her, would mean wanting to go back to being a part of the Long Quiet, and as much as he cares for Him, he'd much rather have his own body and have his freedom.

Paranoid-Definitely did not love her. She was literally created because of his fear of her, so I don't think he'd miss much sleep over her being gone. I feel like he can find it within him to sympathise with the Nightmare, but the fear and distrust makes him blind to it a lot of the time, and he feels much safer with her being as far away from him as possible.

Hunted-He was definitely scared of the Beast, but I think he cares for her, in the right situation, and grows to respect her as a predator, because she was one of the few to understand the chase and to give in to your instincts, so a part of him would miss her, if only so that he didn't have to feel more animalistic than the others.

Opportunist-Ha ha-no. Opportunist only had eyes for protecting his own back, and usually only saw the princess as someone that could either keep them safe or an obstacle that needed to be dealt with. He'd die happy if he never had to see another princess again.But-deep down, he secretly respects the Witch, because they both understood the game being played, and they knew what needed to be done to stay alive, respectively. But he'll never admit that. He tries not to think about Thorn too much.

Contrarian-I think he liked the princess, liked the fun she brought, even if he opted to completely ignore the cabin. I think he feels like the princess would be better off without him, and thinking about the Stranger makes him feel guilt that he tries to laugh off.

Cheated-Absolutely does not miss the Razor. The thought of seeing her again with those blades in her body that they could never dodge was enough to have him gritting his teeth. Much like Cold, he doesn't feel empty without her, because he'd rather not be back in that position with the cards stacked against them. I think he has the capacity to care for the princess, but he'd just be wary of whatever she has up her sleeve.

Stubborn-Yes, he did love the princess. He thought the Adversary was the perfect sparring partner, and never failed to give him a challenge he couldn't refuse. He felt like she was the one to completely get him, and not back down from him. So for that, I also think he does miss her a bit, but he's not gonna let that stop him from taking advantage of his newfound freedom.

Broken-Oof. Oof. That's a complicated question for him. I believe that the answer would be yes to everything, but in a really twisted way. Yes, he devoted himself to the Tower. Yes, he feels empty without her presence and power. Yes, he hates the way she crushed him and what she made him do. He can't honestly say that if the Tower appeared before him, that he could resist her demands, but I feel like he'd be way more conflicted about it, and maybe be able to snap back with the help and support of the others. I think at the end of the day, Broken just doesn't want the Tower to have that kind of control over him again.

Skeptic-He did love her, but he tries to not let it bring him down, and he knows that he can't exactly bring the Prisoner back without taking away the love between the Long Quiet and the Shifting Mound, so that's why he was so determined to get back to the Decider at the start, because he would've done anything, unraveled any mystery, if it gave him the answer to the emptiness within him. But logically, he knows that the Shifting Mound, and therefore the Prisoner, is happy, so he has to learn to be happy for them.

Smitten-Once again, a very loaded question. I think he does love the princess, but that's also because she was the first and only other person they knew for awhile. They were both trapped in a cycle, where they either hurt each other or talked to each other, but it still always ended in their demise. He loved her because she was all he knew, the only other person that could hold his hand and make him feel safe, if he proved himself. He absolutely misses the Damsel and feels empty and lost without her, but he has to face the fact that his love for her wasn't always healthy, for either of them, and he knows that he needs to sort his feelings out so that it doesn't get that extreme again.

Finally, if the voices met the Long Quiet again-the reactions would once again be mixed.

Smitten, Stubborn, Cold, Contrarian and Paranoid would have no problem running up and embracing Him, for as much as the separation left them confused and lost, their love for LQ would be stronger and they'd just be happy to see Him again.

Hunted, Cheated, Skeptic and Broken would be a little apprehensive and wary, maybe still holding onto a bit of anger and hurt at what He had done, but they would eventually cave and hug Him again.

Hero and Oppy would be the only two to not go near Him, because they would have too many conflicted feelings about Him.

Hope I answered everything you asked the right way! Thank you for your ask and for your comments! I love making stuff that you enjoy! Have a great day!

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Well another year and another letter. This is only second letter to both creator and character Thomas, but I have ADHD and little traditions like this help me keep track of time. Kind of.

So anyway, Happy Birthday!

I genuinely can't tell if it actually feels like a whole year has passed since last April when I wrote one of these, but I think that's just because of how much has changed for me. I moved across the country for starters, started a new job, and I started looking more critically at some of the things I was raised with.

In all that change, one of the things that has been a constant that I go back to is the Sanders Sides series and the lessons I have learned from the series and the things I have learned from other videos and livestreams as well.

One of the reasons I moved was because of the discussions in 33 lessons from 33 years. I use some of the grounding techniques Logan has used throughout the series on a nigh weekly basis. The discussion modeled in Fitting In around Virgil’s concerns about the hair color change and the curiosity you met him with helped me to learn how to become curious with my own anxiety before I ever started therapy or knew about the system, and that helped system communication so much.

The nuanced discussion Janus is trying to have has taught me that it's not only okay but healthy for me to think critically about some of the stuff I was taught and Patton's discomfort has helped me to see that it's equally okay to be uncomfortable and to sit with that discomfort.

I know they don't exactly seem related, but these kinds of discussions are what has helped me feel comfortable in looking into other religions and even so far as praying to and interacting with other deities. I shared an apple with Loki today because the Sanders Sides series has taught me that it's okay to move away from things I was raised on. It's helped me see that that is safe to do. And I'm incredibly grateful for that.

And don't even get me started on the last heart to heart video and the idea of having grace for one's self because hoo boy has that been so hard this year. Like, you'd think that moving clear across the country and finding a new job would help me feel more established as an adult moving into their 30s, but no. I still feel just as far behind in life as I did before, it's just in a slightly safer environment. That message came with such perfect timing.

The transparency and the courage and the vulnerability that has been shown in the heart to heart videos has been encouraging, but also just...reminds me that it's safe for me to express those same things. It gives me courage to do the same. That means a lot to me.

I have learned a lot over the years from you via the Sanders Sides series, the livestreams, the heart to heart videos, in all of it. The one thing I am most grateful for right now is that I learned that it is in fact sade to just be human, to just be a person.

It hasn't always felt that way to me, but I am learning that it is. And that has a lot to do with the things you share.

So thank you. Thank you so so much. And happy birthday.

@thatsthat24

[vanilla-bean-buttercream]

Hey, it's been a while, eh?

While I'm sure some noticed, I have been on this blog very sporadically for the past few months. That's because I'm... kind of moving on from Sanders Sides, and as a whole, a "personality" on the internet. (Let's face it, to be a personality, you have to be popular, but who I was here was somewhat different from how I am in real life.)

Don't get me wrong! I still do hold Sanders Sides and my time here in a special place in my heart. The friends I've made, witnessing the wonderful creativity of the fandom, and being given the opportunity to be a "big blog" as some called me was an experience. Some good, some bad, but mostly good experience. I'm not mad at Thomas, nor am I mad at the fandom, but I have definitely felt a rift between my love in 2016 and now.

When I first jumped in, the content in Sanders Sides filled a void that I needed to fill back when I was gracefully exiting the gaming YouTuber community. It was constant, lighthearted, and introspective fun. Here was the vine guy, who went up to bat for aces when we needed it, creating cute content in an easily digestible way with four characters that were fun to relate to and mold into different alternate universes. And as the series grew, so did my love for it. Now I had six wonderful characters to play with, and the possibilities were endless. I gained friends, some really good friends who I'm still friends with today, and an online community to which I felt connected.

However, in March of 2020, I had a blow in my personal life which took a turn in how I presented myself online and in my personal life. My emotional crux, my best friend, and a person I relied heavily on upon throughout my life moved far away. And not only did I not get to visit once a month like I planned, but due to the pandemic, I was unable to be with her for... well, a long time, and for someone who was with her for 24 years almost daily, that was... a lot.

My emotional and mental state took a heavy beating. I became reclusive, more argumentive, fell into a depressed state, and would distance myself from people I felt relatively close to, to protect myself from feeling abandoned again. Not only that, but my love for creating took a severe nosedive, and now my only form of self-expression was gone as well. Everything that once brought me joy was starting to feel like a chore, including keeping up with my Sanders Sides content.

I didn't want to admit it, but I needed help, and I reached out in all the wrong ways. I'm not proud of it. I severed friendships that I wish I would've held onto, hurt people I wish I never did, and said things I wish I could take back, not just online but in my personal life as well. Do I regret it? In a sense no, because eventually, it did lead people to notice something was wrong, that I was becoming a shell of myself, and I did eventually start reaching out for the help I needed, but I wish I had the foresight to recognize the signs that I was not okay and work on getting help sooner.

And since all this happened, I found working on Sanders Sides content to be a bit... triggering of that time in my life. I recall the mental state I was in, how much I changed in that short amount of time, and how heavily I relied on praise from strangers to keep me going. I don't want to go back to that. I can't. And unfortunately, every time I log into this blog, I'm reminded of it.

Now, I'm on a separate blog that just lurks on Tumblr instead of focusing on entertaining the masses, and I couldn't be happier. I'm nowhere close to the fandom, or any fandom really, and I'd like to keep it that way for personal reasons. I don't expect to come back to this blog, but I might pop in from time to time to check on y'all. I thank anyone who came here to be with me for this short 4-year journey and hope that y'all find peace and happiness in the future.

Yours Truly,

Cat

[kookie-doughs]

Your Voice

Oikawa Tooru X Reader

-In a world where only a few people has a soulmate, and they are burdened with a disability until they meet their other half.

Chapter 8: Soulmate

Italic is signed, Bold is written

School hasn't been easy. With how close you are to the volleyball team whilst disabled, you were bound to be talken about behind your back.

They think juat because you can't hear them, you dont know what they're saying. They don't bother hding their moving lips as they laugh about you.

"She's so disgusting. She has a soulmate but she's hanging around Oikawa-sama... like OMG?"

"Her soulsmate must not want to be with her that's why she's still like that."

"What a whore. I heard she's also clinging around Matsukawa and Hanamaki."

"If I had a soulmate and it's her. I'd rather stay disabled, she's disgusting."

This was why you walk with your head down most of the time.

But then you also get reminded why you don't do that. You bump your head into someone.

He had short-cropped blond hair with two black stripes running across the sides of his head, just above the ears, wearing his uniform. He looked down on you with a scowl.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? "

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you. "

"Fucking idiot. "

He then proceeded to walk away. As rude as he was, you were shocked and maybe even amazed as he knew to sign at you.

You checked behind you to maybe see his back and your assumptions were true, he was someone with a soulmate.

In Aoba Johsai, those with soulmates have a different uniform from others. And at the chest of their uniform it says which of the senses they've lost. He must've seen yours. It was too bad you didn't get to see his.

You continue your way to the cafeteria and there you saw Oikawa and Iwaizumi. You join their table where they had food for you already.

You tapped on the table looking at Iwaizumi. When you got your attention you signed.

"There was a guy while I was on my way here."

He raised his brow telling you to continue while he ate.

"So like, I was walking with my head down like how I always do and I bump into him. And like most people would usually just scream at me or something. This guy he signed at me!!!"

You were flailing your hand around being excited.

"What'd he say? "Oikawa signed

"He cursed at me but he still signed at me its really cool. This is the first time someone interacted with me for the first time and signed! I usually have to ask them first!!!!"

Oikawa pouted, you being too excited about the other guy didn't even realize.

Oikawa was the first. Not whoever the new guy is.

Iwaizumi then tapped the table to get your attention. Which also got Oikawa's.

"You've never really talked about other guys before." Normally Iwaizumi would have a problem with guys, but something about the guy. He couldn't put his finger to it.

Your face flushed, and Oikawa froze seeing it. You looked away from your cousin who was now smirking.

He tapped the table and you saw a paper. "Did you get his name or at least his class?"

You looked down face red. Why were you embarrassed about this. Why is your heart beating fast? He couldn't be your soulmate... could he?

You felt your phone vibrate signalling that your break was over. Without batting an eye to the two you ran out after waving at them.

You missed seeing Oikawa's shocked face. He had an incredibly distraught look.

The guy must've been her soulmate. There was no way she'd have that much pull to someone if he wasn't.

The realization hurt him.

He wasnt her soulmate. She wasn't his.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @wormonastringonastick @the-sander-fander

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Tug Of War: End of Rope

Prompts: Very Soft platonic or queer-platonic h/c story with a focus on the recovery that lets Roman pour out all his love onto someone? Your Roman comforting the others— desperately asking them to let him hold them, telling them they did good, calling them pet names and spoiling them with praise and affection— is amazing! Logan or Patton are my top choices but feel free to choose anyone you like. Thanks if you write this, no pressure if you don't; anything you write feels like a gift to me anyway - anon

Hi there! I kind of might have read almost all of your Sanders Sides fics in two days, so I don't know which story exactly this was in but at some point Roman said the line, "Please let me be soft with you," and truly it killed me inside (in the best way possible). I would absolutely love it if Roman said this or a similar phrase again, and I just really love all of your writing in general, it's amazing! - anon

Janus who is secretly a naga and hides it from the other sides until one day he can’t. He’s also extremely touch starved and nobody touches his scales but when they do he just MELTS into a big NOODLE PUDDLE because SCALE SCRITCHES ON HIS TAIL AND FACE ARE AMAZING (idk if you are even accepting prompts at this time, but if you aren’t please ignore this!) hurt comfort and cuddles feel free to tear my heart out if you feel like it! Platonic DLAMP? - anon

I'm pretty sure you just KILLED me with Tug Of War, so hi *waves* my ghost has returned to beg for a sequel! Preferably with some acceptance for Virgil and healing for Janus and his friendship? I love your writing so much by the way (: - anon

Are you still taking prompts? If so: Angsty Janus who just wants pets AND/or has intense urges to protect everyone because self preservation. Just has to be touching people and make sure they’re okay. Over and over. No romance, only Janus cuddles. - anon

Hey could you do a hurt/comfort where Janus hates pictures of himself cause it reminds him he has a face and his face has scales and he hates his face cause scales? -Nex

I have got a prompt for Sanders Sides, any characters/relationships are fine by me just: Forehead Kisses. More of those than I've found and more of your amazing writing are greatly appreciated, since I love them both very much. Thank you!! - anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: some self-hatred, touch starvation, hypothermia

Pairings: dlampr, platonic or romantic i don't care

Word Count: 4531

It started with him avoiding the uploads. He didn’t watch the footage back, did his best to ignore the editing process, didn’t look at the thumbnails if he knew he was going to be in them.

Then he doesn’t want to spend time with the others in the living room because sometimes the camera is still in there and they’ll want to film with it. He doesn’t want to be on camera like that, doesn’t want to have his picture taken, doesn’t want to be asked if he likes it.

Then he starts avoiding mirrors.

The others don’t notice, or if they have, they haven’t said anything. But that’s fine, he doesn’t expect them to. Their job is not to worry about him, that is his job. He is the one who worries and protects them.

Are you willing to let the cost be worth the reward?

He suppresses a flinch and moves away from that train of thought. He moves away from the memories of wry remarks that it was a good thing there were two of them to keep the others from dying. He moves away from the memory of someone leaving.

He’s cold.

The stupidest thing about snakes is that they’re cold-blooded. Do you know how difficult it is for a biped to fail to thermoregulate? Do you know how inconvenient it is to not be able to curl around yourself to keep warm?

Do you know how awful it is to have to shove your lower half into a mockery of limbs and tread on broken glass and sword tips every time you take a step? Do you know how much it hurts to see scales crawling up the side of your face, your neck, your body every time you see someone else with your face the way it should look? Do you know how cold it is?

It is not worth the risk to have them see more of his scales. It is not worth the risk to have the disguise ripped away and be met with disgust. It is not worth losing the ground he has worked and hurt so hard to gain.

But sometimes, oh, sometimes, he gives in to the selfish need and lets himself want.

He remembers the feeling of Logan’s arms around him. He remembers the whispered words that you are allowed to ask for help. He remembers feeling accepted, not just being accepted.

He curls his arms tighter around his tail.

He remembers warm hands on his scales and the soft brush of a purple hoodie. He remembers slow and patient dry-brushing from hands with green nail polish. He remembers realizing he couldn’t ask for that anymore.

The wounds have closed, the scars have formed, but the ache will not fade.

———————

A side effect of being so consumed by the cold of self-loathing is that many things can go unseen.

A quiet word between Logan and Virgil after filming one day, where Virgil blinks in surprise as Logan offers to continue their conversation in his room.

A laugh surprised out of Roman’s throat as Virgil makes a quip about a character’s backstory, leading to banter back and forth as the two of them mock the poor writing skills of a misogynistic prick.

A soft smile hidden under dark eyeshadow and purple fringe as Patton asks him how he likes his sandwich.

Little moments. Small enough to be overlooked if they aren’t looked for, big enough to start something greater.

Bigger moments, too, can go unseen, if the cold bites at the scales and forces the arms to tighten.

An accepted correction as Virgil points out a flaw in Logan’s conclusion, something they’ve overlooked, and they work through the argument together.

A joint movie review of The Nightmare Before Christmas that ends in a passionate discussion about Disney and cultural appropriation, Roman’s impression of Donald Trump sending Virgil into stitches.

A clumsy yet endearing attempt at baking made by two people who are too giddy at the fact that it’s happening, leading to Patton accidentally spraying flour all over Virgil’s hoodie.

But if the cold is particularly harsh and the bile of hating what form bears the brunt of its wrath is too bitter, these too can go unnoticed.

Unnoticed, too, are the concerned murmurs.

Questions about places in the videos, whether he’s feeling overlooked, neglected.

Questions about the mirrors, are they too bright, are there too many?

Questions about how he’s walking, is he hurt, does he have an accessibility need they’re not accommodating, they’ve seen him using his staff as a cane, are they being ableist even un-intentionally?

Questions that come from all Sides of the Mindscape, even those that know some of the answers.

One of whom is getting more and more worried as his oldest friend slips further and further away.

———————

It’s cold.

It’s cold.

It’s so fucking cold.

Janus huddles on the ground in front of the fireplace, late at night when there isn’t anyone else around, and pulls his tail as tightly around him as he can. The fire dances in the hearth and the light makes his scales reflect patterns around the room. He closes his eyes tight.

It’s cold. His scales hate him. The cold worms its way under them and refuses to budge, even as the heat from the fire starts to hurt the part that isn’t scaly. He grist his teeth and hugs his tail tighter.

His own hands are cold. They feel weightless. Empty. Like cardboard cutouts, two-dimensional, not real, not enough. Not worth it.

A whine he will deny until his dying day squeezing between the coils of his tail and he buries his head beneath the cold, cold scales.

“Hey, you—oh, Jesus, J, come on, don’t do that.”

He’s hallucinating. He’s hallucinating because that sounds like Virgil and Virgil would never be here, not now, not after everything, and his imagination is being cruel to him.

“Come on, J, you’re gonna hurt yourself, unwind, just a bit, hey, hey—oh, you poor thing.”

Virgil is not here. Virgil is not here.

“Come on, J, don’t make me play dirty.”

Virgil isn’t here. Virgil isn’t here and his imagination is being cruel and he doesn’t want to imagine what happens next because it won’t be real and he will cry.

“Alright, you asked for it.”

A warm hand lands on his tail and begins to scratch.

A shudder runs through his body and punches a low, mortifying sound from his throat. There’s a quiet hum from somewhere next to him and the hand moves.

“Come on,” Virgil—Virgil?—coaxes, his hand still scratching at the scales, “just poke your head up for me, let me see you, come on, J.”

He raises his head slowly, very slowly, reaching for this to be a lie and for the room to be cold and empty and for his scales to ache, only to see a concerned Virgil staring at him.

“Hey, J,” he says quietly, “you’re not doing so hot, are you?”

Dumbfounded, Janus can only shake his head. Virgil makes a sympathetic noise and his hand moves.

“How long have you been wearing this—“ he waves vaguely at the tail—“under your, you know, metaphysical meat sack? Too long?”

“T-too l-long.”

“Shit, J, you’re really cold. Okay, uh—“

Janus watches in wary astonishment as Virgil gets up and starts to gather the blankets and pillows around the room. When he crouches back down to tuck them into place, he pauses and tilts his head.

“What’s that look, huh?”

“What—what’re you—what’re you doing?”

“What’s it look like I’m doing, J,” Virgil teases gently, “I’m helping.”

And Janus, who has been so cold for long enough that he’s forgotten what human warmth looks like, just stares at him. Virgil holds his gaze for a moment, then softens and gives him a rueful smile.

“So maybe this is my apology,” he mumbles, “for, uh, what I did to you and said to you.”

He tucks the first blanket around Janus’s shoulders.

“You…you’re good, J. I’m—you know I’m not good with words. I’m sorry, okay, that’s—that I know. I’m sorry I fucked stuff up for us. Just—“ he tucks it into place and holds his gaze— “we’re good, okay? You’re all good with me.”

“I—I am?”

“Shit, J, I should be asking you that.” He sets the last of the blankets down and carefully reaches out to cup Janus’s shoulders. “What’s going on, talk to me?”

Janus’s hands are too cold to grip anything properly, sliding through the coils of his tail and off of Virgil’s arms. Virgil makes another noise and takes one in his, rubbing and blowing softly to try and warm him up.

“You’re freezing,” he murmurs, “let’s—let’s worry about getting you warm, okay?”

But as he tries to pry Janus loose from the frozen tangle he’s found himself in, he can’t. The limb is coiled so tightly, so cold, that every effort just sends another icy shiver through Janus’s body. Pained whispers and muffled gasps break the silence as the fire snaps and crackles. Eventually, when even scratching the scales won’t help, Virgil pulls back and sighs.

“J, you need help.”

“I’m aware.”

“No, look at me—“ he catches Janus’s chin— “you need help that I can’t give you. Can I—can I call the others?”

The others?

“Shh, shh, hey, okay—hold on, J, J, you gotta breathe.” Warm hands are on his scales, on his face, soft and pleasant and there. “In and out, J, come on…”

Janus leans into the warm, shuddering a little as Virgil talks him back into breathing normally. He curls in on himself again, even as Virgil tries to coax him out of it.

Is it worth the cost, when even after the dust has settled, you can’t stop hurting?

“It’s okay, Janus, it’s okay, I’m not—I’m not mad anymore.”

Even when the hurt has been patched, can you forget the memory of it?

“Janus? Janus, please, just—just look at me.”

Worry laces Virgil’s expression as Janus looks up, softening the slightest bit as they make eye contact.

“You need help, Janus,” he explains in the soft worried voice he remembers, “I…I can’t take care of you by myself.”

His expression hardens.

“And both me and Remus will kick their asses if they make fun of you.”

And just that, just the smallest memory of when the three of them were close friends, is enough to make Janus nod.

“Janny? Janny, Virge said—oh, fuck!”

Janus winces as Remus almost barrels into him, just saving himself from tripping over his tail. Remus quickly collapses to the ground and rolls out of the way, reaching out to push the pillow back into place.

“Sorry, Jan-Jan, I didn’t mean to.”

“Virgil? Is everything—oh.” Patton’s eyes widen as he sees Janus and Janus watches him swallow questions on the tip of his tongue. “What can I do?”

“Jan-Jan’s too cold right now,” Remus explains, carefully nudging Virgil out of the way and gesturing for Patton to come sit next to him, “we—well, uh, I don’t actually know how to explain it.”

“Is Logan coming?”

“Is that okay,” Virgil whispers to Janus, and when Janus nods, he turns to Patton, “I’ll summon him.”

“What is—oh,” Logan murmurs, spotting the four of them huddled near the fire, “Janus, I didn’t realize you were a naga, my apologies.”

“I h-hid it from—from you,” Janus stutters, “you—you weren’t supposed—you weren’t supposed to know.”

“I see. Are…are you alright with getting help now?”

“I don’t—don’t have much of a choice.”

Logan glances around and must see the wash of concern on their faces—he leans down and nudges a pillow out of the way and kneels near Janus’s tail.

“Virgil, what do we do?”

“Wha—me? Why’re you asking me?”

“You’re the one that called us here,” Logan says softly, “and you’re the one who most likely knows what to do.”

“R-right, um—“ Virgil shakes his head to clear it— “we need to get him stretched out. If he’s like this for too long his tail will seize and it’ll cause muscle damage.”

“Alright.” Logan reaches out and gently lays a warm hand on Janus’s scales. Janus shudders. “I apologize if this is sensitive, but we’re going to have to move your tail.”

“I—I know.”

Warm hands worm their way through his coils and oh, oh, they’re warm, they’re so warm but his tail is so cold that he’s pulling away from them as much as he’s trying to relax and let them move him. The struggle sends bolts of pain ricocheting up his spine and he whimpers.

“This isn’t working,” Patton mutters, “we’re just hurting him.”

“We have to get him unwrapped, he’s going to get hurt more if we don’t.”

“But not by force!”

“Snakey,” Remus murmurs, “Snakey, I know it’s hard, but can you—can you relax any more?”

Janus just winces, shaking his head as he begins to shiver terribly. Virgil curses.

“Alright,” he mutters, “it’s big gun time.”

Janus’s head jerks up. “B-big gun? What’s—what’s the—what’s the big gun?”

Virgil gives him a look. “Princey?”

Oh.

Oh, dear.

“There you all are, I’ve been looking everywhere for…”

Roman’s voice trails off as Janus hides his head in his arms and his tail. Distantly, he hears Virgil explaining in a low voice what’s going on and Roman must say something back. He feels the warmth of the others begin to pull away, followed by the soft whooshing noises as they sink out, one by one.

It’s not that he fears Roman’s reaction to finding out about his…everything more than the others, it’s just—just—

After the fight is over, and you’ve won, will you still feel as though you deserve the reward? Can you let yourself accept it, knowing what it took to get here?

Soft footsteps coming closer and another presence, this time between him and the fire. The part of him that isn’t covered in scales ache with the relief of the reprieve, even when his scales cry out in the cold.

“Little snake,” he hears, softer than he can imagine, “little snake, can you look at me, please?”

He squeezes his eyes shut and begins to raise his head, only opening his eyes once he’s sure he won’t duck away. Roman meets his gaze easily, face in shadow from the fire, and smiles.

“Hello, little snake,” he murmurs, “you look very cold.”

Janus jerks his head in a nod. Slowly, Roman extends a hand to him, but doesn’t touch. The proximity burns.

“Can you take my hand, please?”

Janus’s limbs whine in protest as he tries to move them, finally fumbling his cold hand into Roman’s warm one. A gasp tears from his throat from the effort, even as Roman wraps his fingers around his hand to keep it there.

“Thank you, little snake, very good.” The praise washes over him and he shudders. “Can you squeeze my hand?”

The muscles don’t want to respond, cold all the way through, but he grits his teeth and manages to squeeze Roman’s hand. Roman lets out another soft noise.

“Good, little snake, very good.” He gives Janus’s hand a gentle squeeze of his own. “Now, if at any point I do something you don’t like, or if you want me to stop for any reason, try and squeeze twice, okay?”

“O-okay.”

“Let’s try,” Roman murmurs, reaching out and gently stroking Janus’s shoulder with two fingers, “can you tell me to stop?”

Janus fumbles through the squeezes only to make a bereft sound when Roman immediately pulls his hand away. He chuckles.

“Shh, it’s alright, you did very well, little snake. I need to make sure you can stop me if you need to, hmm? Do you think that’ll work?”

“What…what’re you g-going to do—to do to me?”

“Yeesh, Janus, you make it sound like you’re in trouble.” Roman rubs the back of his hand with his thumb to soften the tease. “I’m just here to help. Virgil said you were having trouble getting warm, is that right?”

He nods, tail twitching miserably.

“I’m sorry about that, little snake…and you’re having trouble unwinding because you’re cold, but you’re having trouble warming up because you’re a little noodle ball right now, hmm?”

“It’s st-stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, little snake,” comes the gentle chide, “it just is. And I’m here to help.”

Janus sneaks a look around the rest of the room. “H-how? W-why did you send—send the others away?”

“Because you’re not just cold because of the temperature, Janus,” Roman says softly, “you’re touch starved.”

He is?

“You haven’t made a habit of physical contact since you started spending more time with us,” Roman says, “and Remus says that since you and Virgil…”

‘Fell apart,’ he fills in, and yes, that—that was the last person who knew exactly how to read Janus’s feelings toward touch.

Is…is he touch starved?

Oh.

Oh.

“Yeah, little snake,” Roman murmurs, “so I sent them to go gather the best blankets and pillows from every corner of the Mindscape while we start warming you up.”

“W-why?”

“Well—“ Roman shifts his weight, easing a little further into the floor— “a lot of touch all at once can be very overwhelming, especially when you’re not used to it and you’re already cold.”

“O-oh.”

He smiles. “So just me for right now, hmm? We’re just going to go slow, as slow as you like, to get you used to it. Is that alright?”

Hands. Hands on his skin, on his scales, warm hands…he’s nodding before Roman can finish the question.

“Good, good, little snake…I’m going to touch you now, alright?” Roman reaches his free hand and starts to stroke Janus’s shoulder again, just two fingers. “Can you feel that?”

He nods.

“Good,” he murmurs, his hand moving to cup the side of his neck, “what about there, yes?”

The rush of warmth makes his eyes grow heavy but he nods, even as Roman chuckles.

“Good, little snake, you’re doing very well. Just relax, I’m right here, nothing’s going to hurt you right now.” The hand moves to scritch gently at the scales under his chin and he keens. “Oh? Just here?”

Roman’s fingers wiggle again and Janus shudders.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Roman whispers, his breath fanning across Janus’s hand, “please, please let me be soft with you, let me spoil you.”

“What—what happened to going slow?”

But then warm fingers slip up and smooth firmly over his cheek scales and it punches a whimper from his throat. His hand twitches and his eyes slam shut. The rush of warmth is staggering.

As soon as it starts to get overwhelming, Roman backs off, hand cupping the back of Janus’s head as he presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Sorry, little snake, that was mean.”

“What’s mean is you stopping,” Janus mumbles, trying to push into the warmth of it, only growing mortified after he realizes what he’s said.

Roman’s laugh gentles away the kindling embarrassment as he strokes his thumb gently along Janus’s scaled cheek. “I won’t stop, little snake, not if you don’t want me to.”

Janus begins to float, up out of his body, following the trails of Roman’s hand along his face. Unconsciously, he starts to move, to chase it, even as Roman chuckles and tells him it’s alright, good job, just like that.

“You’re getting used to touch again,” he murmurs, “that’s good. You’re already relaxing for me…good…good, little snake. I’m right here, I’m right here.”

His voice creates a white noise of reassurance, holding him close, coaxing his walls down. Janus’s control over his breathing slips. His chest begins to heave. Then he tips his head up and kisses his forehead with another quiet: “it’s alright, Janus, it’s alright,” and that’s it.

He can’t—he can’t— he leans into Roman’s hand on his neck—he needs—

“…more?”

“Of course, little snake,” Roman murmurs, “may I touch your tail, now?”

Janus nods, only letting out a small whine when Roman’s hand begins to travel down his neck, his arm, finally coming to rest on the top of his coils. The whine quickly morphs to a groan as Roman begins to rub small circles into the scales.

“I read about snakes with Logan and Remus not too long ago,” comes Roman’s voice, “about the difference between the scales on the back of the snake and the underbelly. They tend to be smaller, a little thinner, right?”

Warm fingers begin to trail toward the underside of the top coil.

“It’s not good for them to be pressed against something cold,” Roman continues, “not if you want to warm up. Can we try and see if we can get you to relax enough to press them against something warm?”

Janus nods just as Roman runs his hand along the row of scales separating the coils and his hand tightens on instinct.

“Janus?” Roman pulls his hand away immediately. “Are you alright?”

Janus is most certainly not alright. The touch of something warm there, someone touching his scales there, was enough to make him shudder from top to tip. Roman’s waiting for him to say something and he needs—he needs to be warm.

“Please—“ he tugs Roman’s hand back toward his tail— “please—“

“You don’t have to beg, little snake,” Roman’s hushing, “I’ll give you what you want, just be patient. I don’t want to overwhelm you. That could be a worse shock to your system than letting you stay cold.”

“Just—please?”

“Is this your way of asking me to use two hands?” When Janus nods frantically, Roman smiles and sets Janus’s hand on his shoulder. “Do you remember what to do if you want me to stop?”

Janus quickly squeezes Roman’s shoulder twice.

“Good, little snake, good job.” Roman gently lays his warm hands on Janus’s tail. “You’re getting warmer, good, do you think you might be able to relax for me soon?”

“I’ll try.”

Roman smiles and leans forward to kiss his forehead again. “Good.”

“How’re you so warm,” Janus mumbles as he begins to trace his scales again.

“Space heater,” Roman chuckles, “drove Remus mad when we were younger.”

Janus opens his mouth to say something else but Roman’s fingers brush between two coils and he melts, shuddering into the side of Roman’s neck. Roman doesn’t pause, simply turns his head to murmur into Janus’s ear.

“There? Does that feel alright?” When Janus doesn’t reply, but doesn’t squeeze either, he chuckles. “Can you melt a little more for me, sweetheart? Can we get you warm?”

Roman’s fingers scritch with gentle relentlessness at the soft section of scales and slowly, slowly Janus finds himself lying down on the pile of blankets and pillows as his tail relaxes bit by bit.

“Good, good little snake, that’s it, you’re doing so well.” Another kiss pressed to his forehead. Roman’s fingers move a little to the left and Janus yelps. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, just…sensitive.”

He can feel Roman grin against him. “Is your tail ticklish, little snake?”

Before he can answer, Roman’s nails skitter around the scales again and he squeezes.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m teasing, I’ll stop.” He gentles, rubbing the pads of his fingers up and down the top of Janus’s spine to help him calm down. “Are you feeling a little warmer now?”

“Mhm.” Janus blinks lazily up at him. “’S warm here.”

“Yeah, little snake, is it warm?” Roman smiles. “I’m glad, you’re doing very well.”

“Holy shit, Princey, that was fast.”

Virgil appears over Roman’s shoulder, spreading a warmsoftcomfortablesafe blanket over the end of Janus’s tail. A few seconds later and Remus pops into view, coaxing Janus’s head up to lay a pillow under it. Patton and Logan follow not too far behind, packing the rest of the pile into place and settling around the edges.

“I told you he was good,” Remus grins.

“Yeah, yeah, shh. I’m tired and I’m gonna sleep here.”

“Ooh, sleep, yes, good.” Remus flops onto the ground. “Me too.”

Roman’s hand stays soothing and gentle on Janus’s tail as he lays down too, tucking Janus’s blanket around the both of them as he kisses Janus’s cheek.

“Stay warm, little snake, hmm?”

Janus mumbles sleepily.

Is it worth it, at the end of the day, after all the work you’ve put in?

Yes, because you can always work to make it better.

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[standingonborderline]

this reminds me of the plushies video vs. the (first) crofters episode. back in the day i saw people saying they didn't like the plushies video because it was an ad (and that's a totally valid feeling/opinion /srs), and other people replying that the crofters musical episode was ALSO an ad (and I genuinely like the crofters video and consider it an episode). but at the time I didn't realize there was a different context for both videos

both the videos are similar in a way that they're both ads and they're both just silly tidbits of the sides having fun. which I like and I'm pretty sure a lot of people in the fandom also like. the thing is that the crofters the musical video came out between main storyline episodes (I may be wrong but if I remember correctly it was between the first logince episode, with the animation, and the puppets episode after). it was like a beach episode in the middle of an anime season. it can be fun and it doesn't bother the audience that much because we're soon going back to the main plot of the series.

but when the plushies video came out, we already had, like... three beach episodes. in a row. and we were yet — and still are! — to comeback to the main storyline of the series, whatever it is. so yeah, I guess we can say there is part of the audience that is tired of just beach episodes.

I also believe most recent sanders sides videos (the plushies, the five year anniversary and whatever else came out recently because I genuinely don't remember or haven't watched it) would be way more fun and enjoyable if they were released alongside ACTUAL sanders sides episodes like the older ones we're used to.

my thoughts on the anime intro vid are basically “yes i enjoy seeing the sides just have fun but not at the expense of real content” if that makes sense

like it’s all about context? idk there may be a better word for what im talking about, but if we got sanders sides content more regularly then that vid would’ve landed better i think. it would’ve been like “here’s a nice lil silly vid in addition to actual plot and stuff” and it would’ve been nice!

but the way things are, it reads as “he’s able to make this but not the actual season finale?” because the time he spent making that could’ve been time spent on script writing for the finale, or filming it, or whatever stage he’s at with the finale (and im pretty sure he’s still writing the script but pls correct me if im wrong. i want so badly to be wrong)

and i get that he’s trying to like,, do what he can? like, he’s giving us what he’s able to do in a short amount of time, and i totally get that. i just kinda wish he would make like a public statement saying “im limiting the amount of “bonus” sanders sides content in order to focus on the finale” and im sure it’s not just me

idk what the point of this post is but i just have Thoughts. and i wanted to express them. and maybe im wrong and im just being overly petty or whatever but let’s be real here. how much demand is there for this kind of “content” right now

sorry if i sound like a bitch lmao it just kills me that these characters are trapped in character arc limbo or whatever like tensions are higher than they ever have been before and We Need Closure, Man

to summarize because i feel like everyone is gonna twist my words in some way: i love the lighthearted “content” but due to where we’re at in canon it’s not as satisfying as it could be, and i feel like if thomas focused more on the finale it would be a better use of his energy. yes he can do what he wants, it’s his channel after all, and im sure he has a reason he’s doing what he’s doing, i just feel like im going insane

[beauty-and-passion]

Taking on ANXIETY: Virgil’s beginning

Here we are, the first episode in which dear sweet Virge has finally been introduced.

As Mr. Sanders said multiple times, this was supposed to be just a one-time thing. Anxiety wasn’t supposed to stick around. Hence why he doesn’t have a full, fleshed personality: he’s just a figure that Thomas is using to talk about matters related to anxiety. After this episode, the character named “Anxiety” will disappear.

Buuuut, as we all know, things went out very differently. The public loved this new Side so much, Thomas decided to keep him around. And so, Anxiety appeared again. And again. And again. Until his personality got completely fleshed out and he became our favorite dark and strange son.

So, well, of course we will see some strange things here - like the way Thomas introduces him to Lilly:

[Thomas]: Well, long story short, you ever have a conversation with someone, and you think it went well, but then there’s something in the back of your brain trying to convince you that it went horribly? [Lilly]: All the time. [Thomas]: -points towards Anxiety- There’s the something.

Thomas is hinting that the guy in front of him is not “his” Anxiety, but the general concept of anxiety. An idea that Thomas will rectify in the Q&A (and in the next episodes), by clearly stating that Virgil is his Anxiety, not everyone else’s.

However, along with these mistakes/imperfections, we can also see the first hints of Virgil’s future character, some promising details, some interesting choices of words. There was still not a plan behind, but the message was already clear: this character has a lot to offer.

_______________________________

“Please welcome, my anxiety”

Up to this day, there are still people saying Thomas never knew about Anxiety before this moment.

People, do I really have to remind you how Thomas reacted, every time he met a Side he didn’t know about?

[Thomas]: -determined huff- Fine! Tell me! [Logan]: DECEIT! [Thomas]: WWWWHAT?! Deceit?

And

[Logan]: Ah. It's the Duke. [Duke]: Boo! [Thomas]: The DUKE?! (...) [Thomas]: Look, Mr. Duke, I'm really stupid right now. Just... tell me who you are... simply.

Now compare these words to what Thomas said, when he first met Anxiety:

[???]: -pops up- Hey. [Thomas]: WHAT THE HECK?! [???]: Oh, I’m sorry, was I not wanted at this exact second? [Thomas]: Oh, for crying out loud... Okay. Everyone, please welcome... my anxiety.

The difference is clear as day. When Thomas met a new Side, his first reaction was surprise mixed with shock. In Remus’ case, after the initial shock, Thomas asked him who he was, because he clearly had no idea who the guy was.

But when he met Anxiety, Thomas' first reaction wasn't shock. He was surprised, sure... but by Anxiety’s sudden appearance and not because he never met the guy. He clearly knew who this guy was and it’s clear he knew, because he himself introduced Anxiety to us. All other times, Thomas had NO IDEA who the new Side was: Logan introduced Deceit, by calling him by his role and, in Remus’ case, since the name “Duke” wasn’t specific enough,Thomas himself asked the Side who he was.

If this was Anxiety’s first appearance ever in Thomas’ life, Thomas would have asked him who he was. And I know he would’ve done that, because it's exactly what he did in DWIT.

But what Thomas did instead was introducing the guy. No questions about his identity, no shock for this new entry.

And that means Thomas already knew Anxiety. He already met the guy and he already knew him, way before the episode started. Just like he already knew his Morality, his Creativity and his Logic. Thomas already met this Side.

And Thomas himself confirmed it after a while:

[Thomas]: Okay, this is what frustrates me about anxiety. Sure, I get it when I’m nervous about doing something, or when I have to interact with a bunch of people socially, or when I have a big project due, but SOMETIMES it just shows up... [Anxiety]: Yo. [Thomas]: ...out of NOWHERE, and ruins whatever peace I have. Like I’m kind of getting fed up with it. There has got to be some way out of it!

This isn’t the first time Anxiety appeared. Anxiety appeared a lot of times before. This is why Thomas is already so familiar with him: because they met multiple times already.

_______________________________

Tell me you’re a Dark Side, without telling me you’re a Dark Side

He might be a proto-Anxiety, but he’s such a sarcastic little bitch I love him. Virgil being sarcastic is the best kind of Virgil.

And this trait is still part of him! His tongue is still sharp and his sarcasm still good. But also: this definitely isn’t a trait he has in common with another Side, nope, not at all. No similarities at all between him and a random Side like, you know, the snek boi.

Let’s also take a moment to analyze this sentence:

[Anxiety]: Ooh boy, I would like to see you try. You can’t just quit me.

As I explained in my post about the Others, they are unstoppable forces, naturally instilled in humans. You can ignore one of the Core Sides, but you can’t shut down your self-preservation, your intrusive thoughts... or your anxiety. These forces are activated by the most instinctive parts of our brain and work through hormones and nerves, to directly activate the muscles.

Hence why, when Anxiety says Thomas can’t quit him, well, he’s right. Thomas cannot get rid of his anxiety, because he needs this survival mechanism. He can (and will) calm him down, but getting rid of him? That’s completely impossible.

_______________________________

Tell me you’re a Dark Side, without telling me you’re a Dark Side (part 2)

[Anxiety]: He thinks he’s so great. Well, he is not! Look, I’m just trying to look out for him. Yeah, he was invited to a couple parties. If I wasn’t there to convince him not to go, who knows what bad things could have happened.

So... you’re looking out for him, uh? I wonder who that reminds me of...

[Deceit]: I don't want Thomas to be disadvantaged in a world where you can die for not following the laws made in the name of a lie.

[Duke]: What will your legacy be? Will you even have one?

Naah, I suppose it’s just my imagination. Just my imagination. No similarities at all between Anxiety and any other dark boi. Nope nope.

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_______________________________

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