#because it just feels like i'm guilted into it because the rejection option is so awful

[my-current-obsession]

Does anyone know if in P3 Reload ALL the girls have a completely platonic path where they don't confess and/or ask how you feel about them?

I managed to get Chihiro and Aigis platonic, intentionally romanced Yukari, think I know where I screwed up with Fuuka (who I've heard can be platonic), have NO idea where I screwed up with Yuko since I tried NOT to flirt with her, and wasn't able to get Mitsuru to rank 9 before it was too late, so I don't know about her at all.

I ASSUME that all girls have a platonic option - I honestly figured that if anyone didn't, it would be Yukari and Aigis, but since Aigis does that would JUST be Yukari as a must romance/reject, which is maybe more "canonizing" than the devs want for any one girl.

[notsosweetchan]

PAIRING: Hyunjin x Reader

WARNINGS: smut, sexual language

Minors do not interact

Hell week

ੈ✩‧₊˚Complete this task ੈ✩‧₊˚

Hyunjin, the new pledge at his fraternity, was barely surviving hell week. The older brothers had given him a list of tasks to complete and each one earned them points towards their initiation. He had managed to score well in some, but the last few days had been grueling. With only three days left, he was behind by half.

The final task staring back at him on the list read: "Sex with a virgin - 500 points." He groaned inwardly, knowing that it would be either this or punishment. He only knows one virgin his best friend Y/N he has known her since 5th grade but he has never thought of her like that, not till now.

Hyunjin gulped, feeling a knot forming in his stomach as he contemplated his options. He couldn't believe he was even considering this, let alone with Y/N. The memories of their countless sleepovers and innocent childhood games flooded his mind. But desperation clouded his judgment, and the thought of facing the humiliation and consequences of failing to complete the task loomed over him.

Hyunjin sighed heavily as he knocked on the door to Y/N's dorm room, his heart pounding in his chest. She opened it, looking at him curiously, her wide eyes taking in his nervous demeanor.

"Hey, Hyunjin! What's up?" She asked with a small smile on her lips.

He couldn't look at her face as he mumbled out the request. "I need your help with something... It's for my fraternity..." He trailed off, unable to bring himself to say the words out loud.

Y/N's smile faded, and she stepped back from the doorway, allowing him entry into her small space. "What do you need from me?" She asked warily, eyeing him suspiciously as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

Hyunjin took a deep breath before turning to face her fully.

"I... I need you to help me complete a task. It's worth a lot of points, and if I don't...”

"...if I don't, I'll be out of the fraternity," Hyunjin blurted out, unable to meet Y/N's gaze any longer. Silence filled the room as his words hung heavily in the air. He could hear Y/N's breathing quicken, and he prayed she wouldn't freak out on him. This was his last resort, and he desperately needed her help.

After what felt like an eternity, Y/N spoke up in a shaky voice, "What do you need me to do?"

Hyunjin exhaled a sigh of relief, but guilt immediately consumed him when he heard the hurt in her voice. He cleared his throat, "I-I need you to... I need you to have... sex with me."

Y/N froze, her face flushing red with shock and embarrassment. "You want me to... lose my virginity to you? Just like that?" she stammered, pointing at the floor between them.

Hyunjin looked at her for the first time since he had made his request and saw the pain in her beautiful brown eyes. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I never meant to put you in this position. But I have no other choice," he pleaded, his voice cracking.

Y/N averted her gaze, biting her bottom lip as she wrestled with her thoughts. "And if I say no?"

Hyunjin swallowed hard, preparing himself for the rejection he knew he deserved. "Then I'll understand and we’ll never speak of this ever again."

Y/N couldn’t believe this was happening. Her best friend since childhood was asking her to sleep with him to save his ass from humiliation and, worst of all, she was actually considering it.

Y/N met Hyunjin's desperate gaze, her heart aching at the desperation in his eyes. "Fine. I'll do it. But only because you're my friend and I trust you to take care of me ," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

Hyunjin's eyes widened in disbelief and relief. "Are you sure, Y/N?" he asked, suddenly unsure if he could go through with it.

Y/N nodded, steeling herself for what was about to happen. "Just... don't make this any harder than it already is," she muttered, her cheeks flushed red with shame.

Hyunjin swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, unable to find the words to express his gratitude or even explain how sorry he was for putting her in this position.

He took her trembling hand in his and led her to her bed, Hyunjin had always has a small crush on Y/N but never thought he would be the reason her first time would be like this.

As they settled onto the bed together, Hyunjin's heart thudded in his chest while Y/N tried to push down the anxiety and fear bubbling up within her. The air around them was thick with the tension of their impending intimacy, making it hard for either of them to breathe normally.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm both his nerves and hers as he gently kissed her softly on the lips. His tongue slid into her mouth, seeking entrance as he began exploring her mouth with flicks and nibbles. His hands found their way underneath her shirt, tracing patterns on her bare skin as he deepened the kiss.

Y/N responded to his touch, moaning softly into his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself closer against him. Her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling gently as she surrendered to the heat building inside her from his touch. She shivered slightly at the feel of his warm breath against her skin, goosebumps rising along her arms in response. When he broke away from the kiss, she found herself whimpering softly in protest.

Hyunjin noticed her swollen lips and the desire in her eyes that mirrored his own. He couldn’t believe this was happening but vowed to make it as pleasurable as possible for her. With shaking hands, he undressed her, his gaze hungrily taking in the sight of her naked body underneath the layers of clothes.

Y/N blushed crimson as she let him undress her, unable to meet his eyes. She couldn't believe she was about to lose her virginity to her best friend – something she had always secretly fantasized about but never imagined would happen like this. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, trying to block out the reasons behind their actions and focus on the pleasure instead.

Hyunjin slid in between the sheets with her, his body tense with anticipation and guilt. He knew he should stop but couldn't bring himself to do it. Kissing his way down her body, he began to explore her pink folds, his tongue swirling and delving into her wet heat.

Y/N gasped, arching her back in pleasure as sensations she never knew existed coursed through her body. Her nails dug into the sheets as he continued his ministrations, her hips bucking against his face. He groaned, feeling her responding to him, knowing that she was close.

Y/N came apart with a loud moan, her body shaking uncontrollably as her first orgasm washed over her in waves. Hyunjin couldn't help but feel a small amount of pride well up inside him as he saw the pleasure on her face.

As she recovered from her climax, Hyunjin moved back up her trembling body, determined to make this as painless as possible for her. He positioned himself at her entrance, his heart pounding in his chest. "Y/N, I—"

"Please," she interrupted him, her eyes full of determination. "Just do it, I can't take it anymore."

Hyunjin nodded, kissing her softly one more time before he slowly pushed himself into her tight heat. Y/N groaned through gritted teeth, her nails digging into his biceps as he entered her fully. The intense sensation of her virginity being taken away caused stars to dance before his eyes, but he remained still, allowing her time to adjust to his girth.

After a few moments of adjustment, Y/N nodded, giving him the go-ahead to continue. Hyunjin started moving slowly, savoring every inch of her hot, wet heat. With each thrust, he felt her inner muscles clench around him, tightening her grip on his manhood.

Y/N could feel herself building up to another orgasm, her breath coming out in pants as Hyunjin picked up the pace. This time, she was more prepared for the overwhelming sensations coursing through her body. Her nails raked down his back, urging him on as she met his thrusts with her own.

Hyunjin couldn't believe how incredible it felt to be buried deep inside his best friend, Y/N. She was tight, wet, and warm, enveloping him in a way that sent electric shocks through his body. He had fantasized about this moment countless times, but nothing could have prepared him for the reality of it. The way she moaned beneath him, her nails digging into his back, was enough to make him lose control.

But he didn't want this to be over yet. He wanted to make her come again, to feel the way her body shook and trembled beneath him. He began to move slowly, pulling almost all the way out before thrusting back in, savoring the feeling of her body yielding to his. He could feel her clenching around him, and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to lose it right then and there.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear, his breath hot and heavy. "You feel so good, Y/N. I want to make you feel even better."

She moaned in response, and he took that as a sign to pick up the pace. He started to move faster, harder, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through his body. He could feel her getting closer, her breath coming in short gasps, her body tense and trembling.

He reached down between them, finding her clit with his fingers and rubbing it in slow, deliberate circles. She cried out, her body arching off the bed, and he knew she was close. He redoubled his efforts, thrusting deeper, harder, faster, until she finally came apart beneath him, her body wracked with convulsions as she cried out his name.

He let himself go then, burying himself deep inside her as he came with a roar, his body shaking with the force of it. They lay there for a moment, panting and spent, before he pulled out and rolled over onto his back.

He looked over at Y/N, who was lying on her side with her eyes closed. She looked beautiful, her skin flushed and glowing with sweat. He reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face, "Y/N?" he whispered.

She opened her eyes, and he was met with a storm of emotions in their depths: fear, guilt, and, strangely enough, desire. "Yeah?" she breathed.

"That... that was..." he trailed off, unsure of what to say next.She gave him a weak smile. "I know."

They lay there in silence for a moment, the weight of what they just did settling between them like a lead blanket. Hyunjin knew that nothing would ever be the same between them after this, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But for now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment.

Minors do not interact

[yan-randomfandom]

Yandere!Peri x GN!Reader[Pt.3]

Part 1 — Part 2 — FINAL[you're here!]

warnings: obsessive thoughts, guilt tripping

OH LETS GO!! Now this is actual yandere content 🙏 Part 2 bothered me too much so here you go LOL— The format for this is half bulletin and half drabble!

Peri didn't realize how deprived he is when it comes to friends. He enjoys your company more than he really should.

He supposed it's because he's literally the youngest fairy after a thousand years. The only experience he had with having friends has already faded away in his memories; he never saw those baby fairies again.

In one way or another, you both found common grounds in taking care of Dev.

Yet, you're a human. What do fairies and humans even have in common? He's already struggling to pretend like he's one of you.

Perhaps one of the reasons why Peri appreciates you is because you're giving him your natural attention. It's not smothering like his parents, not pressuring like the others, and is generally just not forced.

Needless to say, Peri really, really likes you.

Which is why he doesn't want to let you go so soon.

Being with you and Dev is almost breaking the rules. Heck, maybe it already is. Why else would he be doing this secretly?

`•*°•*

Peri, your friend now, is babysitting Dev with you again tonight. You were skeptical about it at first, but Peri was so eager about it for some reason. If you had to truly be honest, you don't know what compelled you to agree with him tagging along with your kid.

You initially asked your boss, to which he easily said yes. But it was more about brushing you off, if you had to admit. Irritation creeps into your bones. Dale just doesn't care sometimes, doesn't he?

But it should be okay. Peri seemed to genuinely care about Dev. It's almost like he's known him his whole life, even.

It's quite perfect for the favor you're going to ask him later.

"..."

You watched Dev's blanketed figure for a few more seconds before gently closing the door.

Peri looked at you expectantly. You grinned with a thumbs up. You whispered, "he's sleeping."

He grinned, walking to the living room with you trailing behind him. "Well, then! Whatcha wanna do? Watch a movie, draw each other, put makeup on my face—"

"Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about something," you carefully said as you sat down on the couch.

"Yeah? What is it?" Peri replied, sitting next to you. He's not sure how to feel about how serious you're being.

"Well," you sighed. "I know it's only been a few weeks since I got this job, and I love Dev with all my heart, but..."

Peri's expression almost goes blank. You're not looking at him. "But what?"

"I'm going to change my job soon," you grimaced. Turning your head, you finally looked at Peri. His lilac eyes looked distant. "Uh, which is where you come in! Do you want to replace me instead? I'm worried for Dev, and I think you're the best next babysitter for him! The pay is good! I'll talk to Dale—"

"Why? Are you saying you'll leave us? I mean, Dev?" Peri furrowed his eyebrows.

You frowned. Maybe you should have told him after babysitting. Peri's more upset than you thought. "I'm trying to explore all the work options right now. My aunt offered me a job as a barista, and.. well, I do like making drinks."

Peri doesn't understand. Why are you so quick to move on from Dev? He rejected a dentist job from the tooth fairy just so he could be a godparent to him!

"I can't replace you," he deadpanned. "It has to be you. I thought you said you cared about Dev?"

"I do!" you said, growing a little upset. "But I can't be in this job forever, you know?"

A small pause.

You placed a hand on Peri's shoulder, offering him a gentle expression. "I'll be honest, Peri, I'm not sure why you're so upset, but I can always just visit you guys."

To your surprise, Peri pulled you into a tight hug. He buried his face in your neck. You're used to him being touchy, so you let it happen.

"Really?" he mumbled.

"Of course. I promise it."

Liar.

[bluberryfields]

"I want a proper apology."

The dramatic “apology dance”

In the entirety of Season 2, I think the “apology dance” scene is pretty close to my favorite.

The way Crowley walks in like he’s entering a stage in a packed theater.

The way Azi clearly sees him coming and fusses himself up to look extra focused on his work and not at all excited about Crowley’s return.

Crowley, noticing that Azi has yet to look at him, ramps up the drama by:

Whipping off his glasses (taking off his armor)

Response from Azi? Clears his throat and focuses harder on his work.

Time for Level 2 Drama, it seems.

Stalking over to the table (no sauntering here)

Tossing the glasses down (looks casual but absolutely isn’t)

Ringing that little bell (like a ceremonial gong signaling “this is fucking happening”)

Walking back into the rotunda where he has maximum visibility (also maximum vulnerability)

Azi now has no choice but to react, which he does by slowly looking up and over at Crowley, who looks like the human-shaped embodiment of dread.

Finally announcing “I’m back” like the bitchy customer who just yesterday had declared they were never shopping here again

I mean, wow. Amazing. Glorious.

Not to be outcunted, Azi just casually turns back to his work and practically hums, “Yes. I can see that.”

Damn, Aziraphale, did you take lessons in passive aggression from my mother?

Now Crowley groans in a way that I felt to my core and asks, “Do you want a big, ‘I think I said the wrong thing,’ sort of an apology, or can we take that as said?”

He averts his eyes until the last second because this probably feels more demeaning than begging Azi not to do his magic act at Warlock’s birthday part.

Still turned away, Azi replies in a tone that is a mix of hurt and guilt that makes me think this has been coming for awhile. "I'd like the apology actually." I bet you would, Angel.

Back to Crowley, he pauses to assess his options, takes a deep breath, and says the magic words: “You were right.” Also looks like he almost says something else but either doesn’t know what to say or doesn’t want to say it.

Oh wow, so convincing. Bravo.

Finally, Azi puts down his glasses and his work and turns to address Crowley. He is not happy.

“Not good enough. I want a proper apology.” Also, side note, but Michael Sheen’s voice here is just…yum.

Before Azi can finish, Crowley is so quick to reject this idea. “No.” with a shake of the head.

You're not winning this battle, Crowley, and you know it.

“With the little dance.” Azi’s voice perks up and his eyes brighten at the hope this will happen. Seize that opportunity!

Again, Crowley barely let’s the word “dance” come out before he tries to shut it down. “I don’t do the dance.” Nope, no sir, not this demon.

Oh no, now Azi’s anger joins the hurt and guilt for a vicious trifecta. “I did the ‘I was wrong’ dance in 1650, 1793, 1941…” each date being spat out with increasing amounts of venom.

Oh Crowley, you brought this on yourself, girl.

This non-apology combined with his “I'm sorry. I apologize. Whatever I said, I didn’t mean it. Work with me, I’m apologizing here. Yes? Good. Get in the car.” and I can see why Azi reacts to this the way he does.

Crowley knows he’s beaten and concedes with a “Fine!” that feels the very opposite of the word.

Okay so before the “proper apology” can begin, Azi gets up from his chair, straightens his waistcoat, and stands with his hands grasped in front of him like a proper gentleman. A properly petty gentleman.

Then the main attraction! Crowley, looking completely stone-faced, does “the little dance.”

It’s wonderful. He looks so silly and childish and graceful and mature. And god, that deep knee bend at the end? Amazing.

Also amazing is Crowley’s face when he says "Kay?” while bobbing his head and eyebrows back like a sassy rooster? *chef’s kiss*

For Azi’s part, god it is just a delicious mix of polite poker face and barely concealed thirst. I see your eyes scanning Crowley, drinking in that thin, dark Duke. That little dance will live in his head forever.

And that’s the signal to go back to normal! Crowley regains control and Azi falls back into the supporting role.

Long-term relationships are hard, yo.

[xcerizex]

"I thought you were like a plane, high in the sky and unreachable. but she gave you feathered wings"

in other words, I'm bringing Natalie back because I'm a petty bitch.

(Natalie, cael x little painter, mourning of first crush, I bully an NPC because I can, self-indulgent, spoilers for "A Familiar Face", read it rn, it's not just completely Natalie I promise there's fluff at the end, 3.6k words)

"Have you gotten everything?"

"Yes!"

Natalie hoists out her luggage from the taxi with as much force as she can. With some struggle, she succeeds in freeing the roller bag as it falls down to the ground with a loud thud.

Her mother inspects the empty car trunk, making sure they don't miss anything out. Once she's sure and satisfied with herself, she closes the trunk and waves to the taxi driver as a sign of thanks.

"Come on now, the plane for Harp Island leaves in about an hour."

Natalie obediently listens to her mother and follows her through the dense crowd. After waiting in line to verify their tickets, they quickly make their way to the waiting area. The line is long, but when she checks her watch, she realizes there's plenty of time to spare. The plane won't be leaving in about half an hour later.

Her mother notices this too. "Since there's some time left, I can buy a sandwich or something if you're hungry."

Natalie contemplates her mother's offer and finally nods her head. "Sure, I can wait in line in the meantime."

Her mother pats her on the head before leaving, and Natalie takes out a brochure from her pocket to occupy time. The brochure highlights the various attractions on Harp Island, the most noticeable one being St. Shelter Academy.

"I think that St. Shelter Academy is where I would want to go." She hears her friend, a girl with dark hair and a braid dropping over her shoulder, proclaiming her future with renewed conviction as she grips her brush.

Natalie questions her. "Is it because Cael is there?"

Her friend looks back at her in confusion, and Natalie has to resist covering her face in guilt, afraid that her friend would see right through her and the feelings she has for her guardian.

But she doesn't–thankfully–and shakes her head. "Of course not."

Her friend redirects her gaze at her half-finished painting, and Natalie sees a man with a sword lying on the ground clutching a lapis pendant. The knight looks just like Cael.

"It's because it feels as if the course was made for me." Her friend's face glows in excitement just thinking about it. "I think that there would be no where else I could ever learn from that would bring me more joy."

Natalie fidgets with the brush in her hand and looks at her own painting. On her own canvas, she has tried to capture the beauty and perfection of hanging wisterias swaying with the wind, but the more she looks at it, the more soulless it seems to her. Maybe she is just lacking in skill.

"What if I went to St. Shelter Academy with you?"

Her friend lights up with joy as she quickly takes her hand in hers with apparent excitement, and Natalie has to try her best to swallow down the bitterness born from her ulterior motives, so she smiles back.

Back then, she thought that even if Cael had rejected her, maybe, just maybe, she could become a woman in his eyes once he watched her grow older. Not to mention that St. Shelter Academy did sound like a great place to study.

But in the end, she didn't make it, and had to go with her second option. It was still a pretty prestigious university thankfully, and the courses have taught her plenty. But even after all this time–she muses as her eyes drift over the brochure–it doesn't feel as if she has learned much at all.

The wisterias still look as lifeless as ever, no matter how many times she paints them over and over again.

That's why when her mother suggested they have some time off traveling, she had requested they visit Harp Island. She wanted to see with her own eyes how her friend was doing, how much her life has moved on compared to hers.

But Natalie had been hesitant to contact her, even after having planned this trip over the span of a few weeks. So her eyes skim over the brochure without much focus, trying to make the decision to call her before the flight takes off. She comes up with nothing.

She sighs, and stuffs the brochure back into her pocket as her mother approaches her with two chicken sandwiches and a cup of coffee for herself. Thanking her mother with a smile, she scarfs down her sandwich to get rid of all the bad thoughts in her head.

It should be fine.

After some time of waiting, they finally enter the waiting area. There are not many people taking the plane to Harp Island so the crowd here has been thinned considerably in comparison the the main lobby. Natalie scans the area looking for a seat to chill before they board the plane, which opens up in 20 minutes.

"Yes, I'll see you soon."

She freezes. That voice sounds too familiar to be true, so she turns her head around, her heart pounding with anticipation. There's no way...

But he's there. Looking as young as the day she first met him, his silver hair tied up in a ponytail while carrying a suitcase meant for traveling. He holds up the phone to his ear, not having noticed her at all.

And then she sees him smile.

It is full of affection.

"Alright."

His voice is full of affection.

"I'll stay safe."

He ends the call right there, but continues to stand there to stay in the afterglow. His face is tender, and Natalie makes a selfish wish in her heart.

She hopes it's not what she thinks it is.

Natalie considers coming up to talk to him as he finally snaps out of his reverie and lowers his phone. But before she can say anything, her mother calls out to her.

"Natalie! There are a few seats over here-"

Before she could do anything, Cael finally takes notice of her and she has to resist the urge to scream in embarrassment.

"Natalie."

Cael gives off a polite nod to her in acknowledgement and she nods her head back at him with red cheeks. Unfortunately, her mother catches their small interaction and like every sociable mother, goes up to him to make small talk.

"Ah, it's you Mr. Anselm! It's been a while. I see that you're taking the plane to Harp Island too."

At times whenever Natalie had visited, her mother would be there to drop her off and would occasionally make small talk with Cael. Cael, ever the polite gentleman he was then, entertained her mother's long drones without a hint of impatience. Even now, with the plane ready to take off in less than 20 minutes, he still takes the time to listen to her.

"Yes, I am. I've been away travelling for awhile, so I'll be heading back home."

Natalie stands timidly off to the side, listening to their conversation and gathering her courage to speak up.

"Oh, I see! So you've moved to Harp Island?"

"Yes."

His answers are curt, but his expression turns soft.

"Um, are you still teaching at St. Shelter Academy?"

Natalie finally manages to ask him something, but maybe, it's just a distraction to herself.

Before he can answer her, a shadow falls over them as a plane takes off, drowning out every sound and thought. It is sudden, unexpected, and she sees Cael's eyes widen as if mesmerized by the sight of the plane taking flight to the sky.

He looks at it like it's his first time seeing it.

Again, it takes a while for him to pull out of his thoughts, and he looks back them with an apologetic look.

"I apologize, I was lost in thought."

He sets his suitcase down next to his seat. "For your information, Natalie..." Her heart skips a beat as he says her name. "Yes, I am still teaching at St. Shelter Academy. And she's still there as well."

She knows who he's referring to. But she doesn't get much of a chance to ask further, as a staff member comes up to them from the side.

"I'm sorry, miss. But it appears there has been some confusion with the luggage..."

"Oh no..."

Her mother raises a hand to her mouth in slight horror, as the staff member requests her time for the clarification of their luggage, all the while apologizing profusely. Before she is called away, she casts a worried glance over once.

"Mr. Anselm, if it's not too much of a bother, could you perhaps look after my daughter while I'm gone?"

"M-mom! I'm not a kid anymore..."

Her voice trails off in another round of embarrassment, she's old enough to take care of herself! But Cael nods politely and sits down.

"Of course miss."

Oh dear.

So here she is sitting one seat away from Cael, his suitcase propped up between them as if acting as a safety shield. She's not sure how grateful she is for it, not doing much at all to ease her nerves.

"Alright, I'll stay safe."

His tender words echo in her head.

She bunches her fists on her skirt. "That person you called earlier...who was it?"

She's scared to know, but she wants to regardless. She wants to know who was it that softened the heart of her first crush, the one who had rejected her all those years ago.

He doesn't answer her immediately, his idle gaze finally focusing on her as he stays silent. Testing her.

A minute ticks by, and he finally sighs. "You seem to have a guess who it is."

Ah.

"..."

"...I thought you said she was just a teenager to you."

She hates this feeling of inferiority seeping through her veins.

He shakes his head.

"She was, and so were you. But the woman I'm in love with now is not the same girl in your memories, Natalie."

...Why is his tone so cold?

She looks at him straight in the eye, as if defiant. "If I were the one in her place, the one who grew up with you, would you have loved me too?"

"No."

He hates the idea, detests it, completely believing that such a thing could never happen. That is what she hears in that simple refutal.

"I could never genuinely love anyone else the way I love her. Never."

She thinks it is the most unkind she has ever heard him.

A few years ago, when he had rejected her, he had kept his tone calm, and showed kindness and understanding towards her feelings. He turned her down in the most gentle, beautiful way. In her eyes, that was who he was. Gentle, incapable of displeasing others even as he was the one hurting them.

"You've changed."

He's become someone she doesn't recognize.

But Cael finally chuckles. "I didn't just change, I grew out of myself."

She wished she did too, wished she grew out of these feelings for him. But as if he wishes to hammer it home, to drive a nail through her heart, he says;

"But you never really liked me at all to begin with, didn't you?"

She widens her eyes in surprise, her brows furrowing. "What do you mean? I did like you!"

She's sure of that, she's sure of the way her cheeks would flush whenever she saw him, the way she always seemed to go back to thinking of him whenever she picked up a brush all those years ago.

He smiles at her for the first time. "Yes, you liked me then. But what kind of person did you like?"

She takes the chance to prove her feelings.

"It's because you were kind. Gentle. It was the way you would always consider the other party's feelings. The way you would always selflessly care for our safety..."

She could go on more and more, talk about the various ways he would make her heart skip a beat back whenever she caught a glimpse of him after school as he picked her friend up. But then she stops, as she sees his smile turn into a self deprecating one.

"Tell me, Natalie. What kind of person is the one you described?"

"The one who made you believe you could find no one else better?"

Her mother comes over, the staff calls out to everyone to board the plane, and she doesn't know the answer.

"Goodness, that gave me a fright. I really thought our luggage was doomed there for a second."

Her mother mutters in relief as she fans herself with her hand, and Natalie pats her mother on the back in an attempt to calm her down.

Yet, her mind is elsewhere all the way.

She takes a peek to her side as she and her mother hoist up their luggage on to the cabin. Cael is right over there, just a few seats away. But he doesn't do so much as face their direction, and she is too afraid to go up to him to ask him what he meant by that.

"What kind of person is the one you described?"

Was that not him?

She takes her seat as a young voice sounds through the plane.

"Please make sure to buckle your seatbelts, pay attention to the safety procedures, and switch on airplane mode on your phones to ensure a safe and smooth ride."

She takes out her phone to do as it says, but spots a new message from a group chat on her phone.

It's from her ex.

He's wishing her a safe trip, and reminding her to do her homework as she's away before college starts back up. The few other messages below his are from her friends, laughing at him for thinking about homework.

They're still on friendly terms, despite having broken up with him a few weeks ago and she will always feel extremely grateful for that. So she switches off her phone before putting it back into her pocket to listen to the safety procedures performed by the air attendants.

She doesn't hear them. What she hears instead is Cael's voice, as her eyes drift towards him.

When she entered college, she hyped herself up. Told herself that maybe she could forget about her first love so long as she focused on her studies. Afterwards, she found people she liked, and they liked her back. So she dated them.

But it all ended the same way, with a strained smile and the words;

"I'm not sure if we're right for each other."

Or something similar. The one who'd end things would either be her or her partner, funnily enough.

Even now, she's not sure what the reason is, why it always reaches the same end of the same road like every other relationship.

The plane is starting to take off, and Natalie leans back on her chair in contemplation while closing her eyes.

Why?

"Tell me, Natalie What kind of person is the one you described?"

"The one who made you believe you could find no one else better?"

"I'm sorry."

Her ex looks back at her kindly, as if trying to soften the blows of his words.

"But I'm not sure if we can go on."

And she wants to pretend it hurts like hell, the way they do in movies.

It does not.

"Alright then." Natalie accepts his rejection–her voice muted–and wonders where did she go wrong again?

"Is there a reason why?"

Maybe she can learn from this. Maybe the next time, it won't have an ambiguous ending.

Her ex looks at her in surprise at her bravery and holds up a hand to his chin. "If I were to say something, and please don't take any offense to this but..."

His voice trails, hesitant.

"...It felt as if you couldn't see the real me."

Now it's her turn to be surprised. She blanks out, as the words echo in tandem with the memory of her first relationship. The both of them had said the same thing, with the same tone and sense of defeat in their words.

Maybe it really is her fault, but she is still unsure on how to fix this. From the day her first relationship ended, she sought out to change that problem, she thought she changed.

Clearly she had not, and she finds it all very disturbing.

Her other relationships ended with her saying something similar. No matter how much she tried, something about their time together would feel off, as if there was an invisible wall between them. She liked them, truly, but it felt suffocating, a strange and uncomfortable feeling–one she was too afraid to identify–bearing down on her heart like weights.

So she put a stop it. To protect that fragile ego ready to be broken down by the truth.

And that unwanted feeling in her chest?

It must have been disappointment.

"...Ah, so that's what it was."

Natalie finally opens her eyes and unclenches her fist. It's dark out and most of the passengers have fallen asleep–including her mother whose head rests on her shoulder.

He's also fallen asleep.

She should stop watching him. So she decides to redirect her gaze to the back of the seat in front of her. Anywhere else that's not near him is fine.

She has to stop looking at him that way, as the perfect person she always thought he was. That must have been why none of her relationships worked out.

She wasn't just comparing them to him, she was looking at them the way she looked at him. She was looking for their good sides, and only their good sides.

No wonder her wisteria painting looks lifeless.

She stretches her legs as if to relieve the stinging pain in her heart, and thinks back to the soft expression he wore earlier. The gentle way he spoke to his beloved. The coldness in his voice as he spoke to her, no longer caring to be the perfect person he needed to be for others.

His intention was clear; he did not want anything to do with her. Or rather, with her old friend.

Natalie can only hope she's not there waiting for him as they reach their destination. She's not sure how she would face her.

"Passengers, please ensure that all of your personal belongings have been secured before you exit the plane. Thank you."

Natalie blinks the sleep away from her eyes, blearily opening them to peek out the windows of the boardwalk with her luggage in hand.

Harp Island is beautiful, and even from this distance, she can see the glistening sea. The waves throw themselves against the banks as seagulls fly amongst each other, and she has the urge to whip out her paintbrush and capture everything on canvas. Too bad she left all her painting materials at home.

Besides, could she ever capture them the way she wishes to paint her wisterias? She's not sure.

But she's sure that her old friend could, she thinks, as she recalls the rows and rows of colourful paintings brimming with life despite their clumsy techniques.

Her friend was special that way, she should have realized sooner. Perhaps that was the reason Cael saw her differently.

And as if reading her thoughts, her mother turns to her. "Have you contacted your friend yet?"

Natalie hesitates, and takes out her phone to stare at a name hidden deep within her contacts.

"Not yet."

Should she do it now?

"Passengers, please collect your luggage from Area 2B."

Maybe later.

They collect the remaining luggage from the conveyor belt, and head towards the main lobby to confirm their passports. Natalie watches as Cael goes through the local check-in and leaves ahead of them, not at all looking back.

Then, Cael picks up the speed of his steps as if startled and rushes forward in a hurry, his suitcase landing on the floor with a loud thud.

She passes through the verification check-in and notices the flutter of dark purple hair.

"Cael!"

The first thing Natalie notices is how Cael catches her, eager and fast, as he buries his face into his lover's shoulder. He stumbles a bit from her weight but uses it as leverage to twirl her around and hold her up by the waist. His every action–from the soft squeeze of his arms around her to the way his ears flush a vibrant red–conveys his longing.

"I missed you so much, Cael."

"Yes."

She sees him pull back, smiling a radiant smile, and is duly reminded of a bird taking flight, soaring into the sky.

His smile is full of love.

"I missed you a lot too."

And his voice is hoarse, his tone earnest as he speaks out his feelings.

The second thing Natalie notices is how beautiful her old friend has become. She watches her pull back to reveal a smile rivaling that of the sun, laughing while caressing her lover's bangs away and holds up his cheeks to get a better look at him.

"You did, didn't you?"

Cael shakes his head in endearment.

"Of course. And you're no better."

She is positively glowing with love.

He finally sets her down on her feet, but refuses to let go of her waist, wanting to stay as close to her as possible. Neither of them care about their public display of affection, nor the blushing faces of those around them.

And Natalie feels her heart break into two.

The difference is as clear as day, between the man she liked then, and the person who he has become today.

He looks human.

The third thing she realizes is that she has never looked at him as one.

'So that's why he fell in love.'

She watches them leave her behind, but not before Cael covertly glances back and makes a gesture like that of a phone.

'She looked at him for who he was.'

Natalie fishes her phone out of her pocket to look at a familiar name, and agonizes over and over again. Stares at it until the sun has gone down and tears fall down her cheeks.

Maybe at least, she can stop painting the wisterias.

[thistransient]

Halfway through July, and I have neglected to write my yearly birthday introspection, although it did occur to me that between my birthday and the new year I was in fact doing two introspections a year anyways.

For certain reasons I've been waffling about it, but it's also quite nice to be able to look back and compare with the previous year, to see what's changed (sometimes unexpectedly) and what's still the same. Last year I mentioned I "made a close friend [...] and disentangled myself from a draining relationship", but in the end I had been drawn to said friend because he was the polar opposite of the person I was disentangling myself from, and while a different extreme might have been refreshing in the moment, that too was unsustainable in the long run. I think what finally dragged me out of the cycle of too-clingy/too-distant nebulous just-friends-but-what-if sort of relationships was twofold: I started going to counselling with a goal (not the usual "I feel like I'm having a breakdown so I'll see a therapist for 3-6 months before ditching"), and also got into a communal hobby such that I was able to make casual friends and attend regular and diverse events with a time limit (rather than laser focusing on one person and relying on them for all my socialising).

A year ago I said I was feeling adrift, goal-less, and filled with the sort of summer malaise inspired by the scorching Taipei weather this time of year. Unfortunately we are still rather scorched. The temperature and UV levels somewhat put a damper on my usual practice of walking around outside looking at things. On the positive side, I did struggle through the adrift-ness and applied for one (1) grad school program over the winter, which I didn't get into but I did learn that I feel better when I'm working on something, and I was also motivated to finally take Taiwan's Chinese proficiency exam to open up my options for the sort of programs I could try for in the future (I passed a level higher than I expected to, and it was great to feel acknowledgment of my competence at something I'd really put long-term effort into). After the grad school rejection I started planning the trip to Ladakh, which allllmost felt like it involved a similar level of paperwork and fuss- and actually pulling that off in the end (ok, even tho this was after my birthday) despite all my fears and anxiety (particularly around travelling post-transition) was also a great confidence boost. (For a week after I also had this frantic urge to drastically change my life, and I can't tell if it wore off with time or if the heat simply drained out all ambition beyond staying out of the sun and sitting in front of the fan eating cold dragonfruits.)

I have at least two proper goals now, and although one may require starting over entirely from an educational standpoint, as they say, "the time will pass anyways". On my bike rides at night I do tend to start pondering what shall become of me, creeping along in the years but being no closer to permanent or even temporary residency status than any other time I write about it either wistfully or with well-intentioned but otherwise ultimately futile determination, nor feeling like I am useful for any sort of capitalist pursuits. (I suppose this is the part of reflection wherein things have stayed the same, and we must stay tuned for next year.) But I also believe I have made some progress in deflating a little the omnipresent catholic guilt at simply existing, not to mention the adjacent notion that enjoying life a bit and not being maximally miserable at all times is a SIN. By this I mean I have gone twice now to a nice hair salon to let a beautiful woman shampoo, condition, and also give me a haircut that doesn't bear a strong resemblance to a bichon-frise immediately after.

All in all, I would say the verdict is incremental improvement. (Okay maybe I'm also racking up incremental nerve damage from all the shibari but you win some you lose some.) My housing/employment/visa-running status hasn't changed dramatically but I feel more hopeful and kinder with myself. I think my Chinese reading speed has kicked up a notch. I've managed to keep the instant noodle consumption under control. I've sent a lot of postcards on my quarterly trips, which are generally well-received. I have taken great delight in growing many plants in the window cage (whether they survive is another thing, RIP to the tomato plants while I was away, bravo to the basil that miraculously rehydrated from what seemed to be a completely unsalvageable state, sorry to the lemon tree sprout that was apparently doing fine on its own before I came back and over-watered it to death). Things feel kinda okay, and I used to be quite suspicious of this because surely they were only going to get worse again, but these days I figure hey, even so, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

[beanieman]

Hi! Who from YTTD cast would use 200 tokens to escape alone and who wouldn't, if they magically could obtain them all?

Sara Chidouin - I feel like this would be an optional ending...so maybe depending on how you play her! The Sara's who are currently somewhere with Nao would likely be open to this option, but the Sara's who spare Kanna would not be as open minded.

Joe Tazuna - I don't think Joe would. He was hesitating to escape when he could have escaped with his best friend in the world, I don't think he could bring himself to escape if it meant abandoning Sara.

Gin Ibushi - No. Gin says in 3B that it bothers him that the group help him all the time and he can't help them back, so I really don't think he'd leave his friends to die.

Keiji Shinogi - My gut instinct says no, but I still think he would do something sleezy with the coins. Like use them to his bartering advantage and also as a way to gain trust from the others.

More Undercut

Alice Yabusame - No. Alice wouldn't abandon his allies.

Reko Yabusame - No. Reko wouldn't abandon her allies.

Nao Egokoro - I don't think she would UNLESS she had the sacrfice card in her hands and literally no other option to survive. I think she would save herself in that case, but she says herself that she didn't want to betray anyone when she had the sacrfice card. So I don't think she would leave and doom the others unless there was no other way out. Though I think would hesitate a lot if she knew that Sara couldn't come with her.

Kazumi Mishima - I can't see Mishima leaving everyone for death. Especially if Nao was alive.

Q-taro Burgerberg - I just have this weird feeling that he would.

Kai Satou - No. Because that would mean abandoning Sara, the only person he wants to protect.

Kanna Kizuchi - Her guilt in the game is surrounding the death of Kugie and not being able to save her. I couldn't see her being willing to kill other people so she could survive, and I think it would likely be a trigger to her trauma to even consider it.

Shin Tsukimi - I'm going to say no, but not because he's just such a good person. He cares enough about Kanna to throw his life away in her name. I don't think he would turn his back and leave her to die. No matter how scared he is of death.

Dolls

Ranmaru Kageyama - Actually. No. I don't think he would. The reason he wants to kill all of the other participants is to escape with Sara. He sees Sara as a friend, and he's such a lonely person that he heavily values her companionship to unhealthy levels. Therefore, I don't think he'd want a lone victory. I think he'd be much more likely to try and escape using the sacrfice card.

Naomichi Kurumada - At the start of his arc, yes. He believes in winning and thinks it's worthless to have allies. Both of those traits would push him toward the vending machine. However, once he grew to care about the other participants, I don't think anything could have convinced him to leave them for dead.

Anzu Kinashi - Maybe on accident. She would think she was getting an actual soda and then accidentally kill everyone. Oopsie. Maybe that's why she has such a high win rate.

Mai Tsurugi - She absolutely would anywhere in her arc before she stabbed Q-Taro. While Mai's not cruel by any means, she says it herself she wants to live. However, like Q-Taro, her heart tends to waiver, and I don't think would do it after her stabbing arc. Yet, I think it's decently likely she'd still consider it for a second before rejecting the idea.

Shunsuke Hayasaka - I think he'd consider it, but then come to the conclusion that he couldn't kill Gin.

Hinako Mishuku - I don't think she would since she's a ASU-NARO agent, and would likely to be told to not do anything so the games could have an actual participant win.

[mikuni14]

Will Phee actually tell Jin the truth?

In the trailer of the next ep we see Phee and Jin walking hand in hand, they seem to be close together, so there are two options:

Phee told the truth and Jin somehow understood his motivations? and forgave him for 3 years of lying????

Phee lied

Phee not telling the truth to Jin seems to me the most logical move, above all, because of one thing: Jin is most afraid of Ghost Keng, which only appears to him, which is very interesting from the point of view of Phee and Tan Detective Agency , and Jin screams in the last episode in horror: it's all my fault! Which is VERY interesting for our little sherlocks.

Unfortunately, Phee may as well spill the beans to Jin because:

Phee has feelings for him, he also feels at least a little guilty

Phee wanted an explanation of what happened to Non, but certainly not to the level that Tan did. I also have the impression that Phee was already on the way to forgetting Non, or at least leaving that stage behind him, until Tan appeared, and after graduation, he did not pursue this "investigation" any further.

what happened to Por, Deng, was not in the plan and seriously scared him

Is it possible that Phee told Jin about everything and Jin forgave him and maybe even joined the operation? Technically no, it seems unrealistic to me. But there is such a possibility. I once read an interview with a cop who dealt with old crimes, 20-30 years ago, even older. And he said that when, thanks to modern technologies that were not available before, they manage to solve an old case and come to the murderers to arrest them, they are usually calm and very often say "I was waiting for you." And often they just talk about everything right away, as if they were living in guilt, under a huge burden, and suddenly felt relief that they could tell the truth. And repent.

I think what happened to Non weighs on this group, whether they realize it or not, and the older they get, the more what they did to Non dawns on them. This can be seen by how quickly they fell apart and how they immediately assumed that whatever was "hunting" them must be Non. Jin COULD see Phee's mission (who doesn't even have to mention Tan or even tell the whole truth) as an opportunity to "free" himself, to atone for his sins by helping him look for Non.

Under normal circumstances, Jin would be devastated, furious, hurt, pissed off. But these are not normal circumstances and Jin is responsible and guilty, maybe we still don't even know everything (why does Jin react so strongly to Keng?) and maybe he will finally realize what he probably already knows subconsciously: that something bad happened to Non. And maybe in this abnormal situation, Jin could forgive Phee and want to help him. Especially since it would explain Phee's behavior towards him, the fwb situationship, the rejection, which would certainly bring some kind of relief to Jin.

I'm very curious if Phee will lie or tell Jin the truth and if so, whether it will be a whole truth. Both options are likely and holding hands could mean anything 🤷‍♀️

[the80srewinders]

We were looking at r/fakedisordercringe and r/systemscringe (bad idea) and we found a lot of misinformation. We're going to correct the myths in this post, and this will be a team effort by a few other sysmates. They will be credited at the end of the post.

Trigger warnings for abuse, RAMCOA and denial apply.

This person is trying to invalidate RAMCOA. And they're using an inaccurate study to prove it.

We have, in fact, read this study. It seems largely stereotype driven instead of a true unbiased study because people with other, often traumagenic mental disorders (like cluster b personality disorders) often are open about the trauma they truly experienced if these disorders affect them to have attention seeking behavior. And this study failed to mention that. For the "having told persons other than close confidants" part, its often unsafe for people with DID, much less people who developed it from RAMCOA to be open about it in person to people they know. They feel safer venting or sharing their experience online because theres the optional anonymity you can choose and you're safe from anyone who abused you. Its not attention seeking- its seeking support.

I do agree with the telling of alleged abuse without accompanying shame, guilt or suffering" part to an extent. If you're talking about trauma you claim you remember and have no distress, that's a sign you're either faking or really detached from your memories. But most of the "alleged" abuse these people are talking about they don't remember because thats how childhood trauma and DID work. Many singlets with childhood trauma don't remember majority or any of it because the brain "forgets" different aspects of trauma. And DID is a posttraumatic dissociative disorder entirely based on amnesia of trauma to survive. So if the person is being open about abuse with no distress, it could also be because they don't remember it but know it happened because of clues. Can't feel distress of remembering something you don't remember.

While RAMCOA has strayed away from its original meaning, that's because of misuse (and we blame both the ISSTD and misinformed mental health "professionals" for that along with media presentations.) RAMCOA stands for ritual abuse, mind control and organized abuse. The hyped satanic panic and gory sacrifices are only a small part of the acronym. Mind control doesn't have to be done by a cult. Ever been brainwashed by anyone? Thats a form of mind control. Organized abuse is more common than the satanic, stereotyped ritual abuse. OEA is a simple and inclusive term, and can encompass all forms of RAMCOA but also isn't widely recognized or used yet. And as far as the "HC-DID" term, DID is already highly complex even in people who aren't OEA survivors- DID and OSDD-1 are considered complex dissociative disorders. The term is basically just a fancy way of saying "hey I'm polyfrag because of RAMCOA!" All you need to say is that you're polyfrag because of RAMCOA, you don't need a fancy label for everything.

And yes, introjects are common in neurodivergent systems. Lets go ahead and do autism as an example: being autistic causes distress from hypersensitivity, its a common and documented autistic trait to hyperfixate, people with autism deal with rejection and social anxiety because of how autism works, and people with autism are more likely to be abused. Being autistic is traumatizing itself and this is why neurodivergent systems have plenty of introjects. Especially fictives; people with autism often seek comfort in fiction. And if alters in DID only develop during or after trauma, then this whole theory is solid.

This person is truly uneducated in how abuse survivors brains work especially RAMCOA. These survivors don't label the organization, cult or not, out of fear; when they were programmed, the idea anyone they told - especially if they shared the organizations name- would be in danger or die, or the survivors themselves would be in danger or die was programmed in them. If they're talking about it for awareness, just sharing their lived experiences is all that's needed. Sharing the name of the organization paints a target on the backs of the survivors and their close family and friends. And not every cult is going to present itself in an obvious way especially if they involve RAMCOA. They're going to make it seem like some new religious or pagan movement instead of a traumatizing cult. And yes, they do remain hidden.

This is ableist. If this person is referring to DID/OSDD, that's permanent and even if all alters fuse the ability to split them off again is still there. DID/OSDD are not disorders that can be fixed. Its a permanent rewiring of the brain due to frequent and overwhelming trauma. This involves a missed neurodevelopmental stage (the ego states fusing into one cohesive sense of self before the age of 6-10) and a posttraumatic survival response. Basically, DID/OSDD can't be "fixed" because our brains missed that developmental stage and this is how our brains are permanently. The "you get therapy to fix what went wrong so you can be one whole person as you were meant to be" is ableist and outdated. Its based on the old view of DID/OSDD treatment back when it was called multiple personality disorder: work on the trauma then force the system to fuse into one identity against their will so they'll be "cured."

Don't believe anything you see on r/fakedisordercringe or r/systemscringe. These are the most ableist, hateful subreddits on there and these subreddits set our recovery back when we were in the vulnerable, most important stage of treatment- the diagnostic process and trauma processing. We wouldn't have near the denial or alters that developed from the distress of the host thinking they're faking and much more.

Sysmates who contributed to this post- Finley (host) Everly (gatekeeper) and Marcia (trauma holder)

[i-heart-hxh]

Hiiii! You're probably absolutely sick of these asks by now regarding the leaked ending, but as a relatively new fan, I have a possibly dumb question: what is the point of them revealing this scrapped ending? Just to get fans up in arms? Like obviously it's not being used, hence it's no good, but then what's the point of revealing it to us when the real ending is seemingly so far away? I personally feel it would make more sense, after the series actually ends, to say "well, here's all the other endings we considered! Haha glad we didn't use these!" and then it would be more lighthearted. Idk, it makes me ill at ease, but I'm more confused than anything?

I'm still trying to process what to do with this information as well, and discussing it with people and explaining what I think about it helps, so I'm definitely not sick of talking about it for now! It'll probably take me a while to reach that point, though I may need to space it out with other topics after a bit, haha.

So, I'm sure the main reason Togashi revealed this rejected ending is to leave his fans with something in case he dies suddenly or is otherwise incapacitated. While (as far as we know) his health issues don't seem to be life-threatening, they do seem to be excruciatingly painful, and after the sudden death of Kentaro Miura (the author of Berserk, an extremely famous and well-regarded manga) a few years ago, many people started discussing Togashi's health and the very real possibility he'll never get to finish HxH.

I think the bind he was put in was that he doesn't want to reveal how he plans to end the series or even give us good hints/insight into what he has planned, so he's providing this rejected ending as last resort option--just anything people can look at and say, "Well, at least we have one idea of how it could have gone," (at one point, anyway) if it comes down to it. As I've said in other posts, I think this ending fits a bunch of criteria that are delicate to balance, and so if he wants to provide something, this is all he can give us. Because this is an epilogue that's disconnected from the main plot and reveals essentially nothing, and because he doesn't plan to use it (or anything like it, I'm guessing), it's "safe" to put out there. That's probably why it's clichéd and boring, he can't give us anything juicy without putting himself in a tough situation writing-wise.

There is in fact a lot of uncertainty about whether Togashi will be able to finish HxH--the current arc is tremendously complex, Togashi goes on long hiatuses for his health often, who knows how much more of the series he has planned. The current arc is ambitious, to say the least. Togashi himself has said he doesn't know if he or HxH will perish first, but he still has things he wants to explore in it.

While I don't like this rejected ending he released at all, I do think it comes from his concern for his fans and guilt at his slow progress in the manga, and fear that he won't actually be able to finish. So, he wanted to leave something, anything, while still keeping as many of his writing avenues open as he can and not tipping his hand to any elements that are still in play. For instance, I think he didn't include Killua at all because he knows there's a lot of suspense among the audience about whether he and Gon will reunite, so by leaving him out, that's still completely ambiguous. Same with no Kurapika--will Kurapika live or not? Well, if he doesn't appear and just vaguely describes "this character's relative," etc., there's no hints about the outcome of that, either.

While I would have preferred he reveal other potential endings after the end of the series, like you said, he sadly may not ever have that luxury.

I haven't seen anyone else say this, but I'm also sure the letter itself and this reveal are PR--the last round of Puzzle, the Togashi Exhibition, just opened in Fukuoka the other day, and releasing this shocking ending now is guaranteed to generate buzz and publicity. So, that's an additional factor to keep in mind! I'm sure the timing isn't a coincidence.

I hope that answers some of your questions! It's an odd turn of events, but I think I at least understand the reasoning behind the reveal, if not all the choices made in the rejected ending itself.

[aikya-kat-44]

The sad secret of Secret Santa

Fuck secret santa. More specifically, fuck mandatory secret santa in workplaces and schools pretty much universally. Having to take part in seemingly fun, kind, and harmless activities like secret santa personally really stresses me out as an autistic person, to the point where I lie and make up excuses to get out of it. Here's why:

Having to give presents to people who you barely know without the ability to actually ask the person what they want is stress inducing and not a very pleasant experience. I want to make sure the person who I am giving a gift gets what they wanted, because I want to make them happy, and because getting useless gifts you don't want or need sucks. Without the option to ask the person what they want, I am stumbling around without a sense of direction whilst trying to get a present they might like. Which brings me on to my second point.

Fear of rejection if they don't like the present. I have a little something that often comes with ADHD: rejection sensitive dysphoria. It's a fear of any rejection, real or perceived. So you can imagine, I am going to be terrified to hell when my secret Santa is opening their present (which, remember, I have no idea if they will like or not) about them not liking it. And if they open up their present and seem disappointed, my brain will go into an overdrive of guilt and negative feelings. What about the secret part of secret santa, you may ask. Shouldn't that stop me from feeling anxious about everyone thinking I'm a horrible person? Well, uh, no. A) RSD is illogical, I would be very happy if it did listen to logic, and B)

Social conventions are fucking weird. Despite the whole point of secret santa being, well, secret, people often talk about who they got for secret santa. (What's the point then people!!?) When conversations inevitably take this particular turn, I find myself feeling pressured into revealing the identity of my secret santa, which I would much rather keep private for fear of being seen as a selfish, ungenerous person. I risk judgement both ways, either for what gift I gave or for being a 'spoil sport' and not telling everyone who my secret santa was. I am also almost certainly going to find out who got me for secret santa, which means I will have the added pressure of fear of making the other person feel bad if I don't like their gift, as well as the knowledge that my secret santa could very well figure out that I am the one who is gifting. Also in some secret santas you have to reveal who you are after the gift exchange. These obviously suck.

Cultural/belief differences. I'm going to give a personal example here. I am vegan and allergic to milk. In one secret santa, somebody gave me a box of chocolates. I obviously couldn't eat them, and I couldn't very well throw them out. The problem with secret santa is that often people receive items that they can't use, which often ends up in the landfill.

Packaging, wrapping, and label writing. Packaging is obviously terrible for the environment, and society expects us to wrap secret santa presents. I have had multiple meltdowns trying to wrap presents so that they use as little paper as possible, and more trying to carefully unpick layers of sellotape off a present I have received quickly so I could reuse it. Label writing is something I hate as I want to remain anonymous, but I have dysgraphia, which makes writing neatly hard for me, and which also makes my writing messy, and therefore very distinctive.

So yeah, those are the reasons I dislike secret santa. I'm not a Grinch or a horrible jerk that hates giving presents or anything. It's just that secret santa makes me anxious and overwhelmed.

Here are some secret santa alternatives I found:

Pirate Santa: everyone spends a certain amount (say, $5) on a generalized non edible gift. All of the gifts are put in a bag. The order in which the players pick the gifts is decided on by drawing numbers out of a hat. The first player picks a present. The next player could either pick a gift from the pile, or 'steal' another player's gift. The player who's gift has been 'stolen' picks a new gift from the pile. The game continues until everyone has a gift.

Christmas auction: everyone brings in an old entertainment item (like an book or board game) After that, each piece is auctioned off. Each player is given 50 tokens with which to bid. The item goes to the highest bidder. When there are no more objects to bid on, or when players run out of tokens, the game ends. If two or more players place the highest bid, the auctioneer will ask a series of trivia questions. The player who correctly answers the most questions wins.

💗💗💗💗 Aikya

[chuplayswithfire]

i made the bulk of this post a while back in a multi post comment thread, but want it on its own standalone post ✌️

So here's the thing. It is certainly possible that Ed does know that Stede is actively married (with living children!) in season 1, but I think there's an equal possibility, if not that it's even more possible, that he doesn't, and here's why:

The only explanation for Stede being a perfectly wealthy gentleman pirate while having a current, non ex-wife and children on land is that he ditched them. Completely abandoned his family to go off and be a pirate. This would be, as many of us have noted, a real dick move. Walking out on your wife and kids tk go off to be a pirate and telling everyone you meet your name and tying yourself and said name which said wife and children share to a legacy of violent criminal activity, would be, kind of, a real dick move. It's a very uncharitable assumption to make.

And Ed?

Ed really likes Stede. He admires him. Thinks he has his shit together, thinks he's brilliant and cool and kind and a good person. Ed and Stede both have each other on pedestals in season 1, and maybe it's just me, but I think finding lut Stede's a deadbeat dad who walked out on his wife would have taken Stede off the pedestal and safely on the ground of regular joe that Ed doesn't have to feel is totally out of his league.

Now, looking at the show - it's alsl completely plausible that Ed wouldn't know that Stede has a wife and kids he abandoned when you consider that Stede never uses the word wife at all in his conversations with Ed (I'm not sure if he mentions a wife or children at all, to anyone. The only time it comes up is with the Badmintons, who already knew of Stede's family). He says that he was supposed to be a lighthouse to his family and that he failed them. Talking aloud in his sleep, he says Mary's name and that "we were just playing pirates".

Stede has pictures of the children on his mantle, but not a family portrait, and again he specifically says that he failed his family. Failure can mean many things. Ed assuming it means that Stede abandoned his perfectly fine and alive wife and children to be a pirate would be the most uncharitable option, especially because it's completely at odds with the persona of Stede that Ed is familiar with. The Gentleman Pirate is Mr. Talk It Through. Mr. You Wear Fine Things Well. Mr. Obvious Regret About His Family.

Stede's line delivery and the actual wording of it - that he failed his family - in this case, it honestly sounds more like his family is dead and Stede is a widower than that they're all perfectly alive and in good health at home and Stede's just walked out on them.

Not to mention, family can also mean a lot of things. Mary can be a wife's name - it can also be a sister's name, a cousin's name, a sister in law's name. Ed does have the famous line - "Who's this Mary then?" - but he notably doesn't follow up when Stede is awake, and considering it would be a major step in their understanding of each other, I have to assume that if Stede spoke about Mary, Louis, and Alma in any detail, we would see it onscreen, like every other major development in their relationship.

But I really don't think they had anything close to a talk about it, and here's why:

Abandoning Mary and his children is the guilt at the heart of Stede throughout the entire first season, it's the choice he made that he doesn't regret but knows he handled himself poorly in. It's the guilt he needs to confront to move forward, and he doesn't do that until episode 10. If Stede had been able to discuss in any detail who Mary was to him, or the fact that he has children that he's abandoned, he would have had to tell Ed why - which is that the life of a gentleman never suited him, that he's felt rejected and unwanted all his life, that he felt rejected, unneeded, and unwanted even in his own family and that's the kind of emotional vulnerability that Stede has only displayed in life or death situations in the entire show.

If Stede had talked about those things, they wouldn't hit so hard when the Badmintons hammer it home. Chauncey saying Stede ruined his family wouldn't be so hard hitting if Stede hadn't been refusing to process that his leaving might have had an impact on Mary, Alma, and Louis. If Ed knew Stede had a family he had abandoned, it would mean that Stede had talked about abandoning his family, and Ed would have almost certainly asked why.

A big reason the events of episode 9 and 10 hit so hard is that Stede and Ed are carried forward on the power of getting each other, of having similar ideas and minds, of wanting the same things and having similar baggage, and running away with that feeling without having the necessary, hard conversations. The affection and love are real, but the ability to be willingly vulnerable without triggers or tragedy isn't. That's why episode 7 is about Stede trying to use treasure hunt to keep Ed's attention instead of just saying he doesn't want him to go. It's why they have a disastrous miscommunication in episode 8.

It's why the kiss feels so powerful, because Ed tells Stede that this has all made him happy, that Stede makes him happy, and neither of them is having a breakdown or facing death to spark it.

So yeah, it's very probable that Ed didn't know Stede had a living family that he abandoned for the same reason Stede doesn't know the real significance of Ed's red silk. The explanation is a conversation they haven't had yet, because it would represent a level of willful unburdening that they haven't yet reached.

In season one, they fall in love, but poor communication and emotional baggage tear them apart. Stede finally talks it through and unburdens himself from the act that's weighed him down all season. It makes more sense than it doesn't that Ed wouldn't be aware of that baggage just yet; this is a romance, based heavily in romance pacing and tropes. That kind of unburdening between the romantic leads is a classic second act obstacle - they have to find their way back to each other, and share the truth of themselves. For Stede that's the truth about his insecurities, which are the real reason he left Ed, and which the whole abandonment of his family absolutely plays a role. For Ed, it's going to be that his own self hatred, his guilt, the way he believes people like him don't deserve fine things.

[beevean]

me constantly going in the CV tag despite knowing that it's 10% nice game fanart, 40% gifs of the show, and 50% some absolute braindamaging takes, is taking a toll on me

because after blocking the nth post admiring Lenore for playing Hector like a fiddle/saying Hector deserved to be enslaved for his original plan of culling mankind (nvm that babyboy Isaac was far more evil about it and he never got punished for wanting to "purify" the world)...

... I really want to think about Lenore and how I'd make her work with the crumbs that the show gave me lol

Lenore is obviously meant to be a parallel to Hector. Both of them are the animal lovers of their group, and mocked for it. Both of them are the "nice" ones in a group where cruelty reigns. Both of them are the least respected of their group - Dracula and Isaac shitting on Hector vs. Striga and Morana not even thinking about Lenore when they peace out. Both of them got used then discarded - yes, even Lenore, who became useless after enslaving Hector. Both of them are actually more of a threat than they look (allegedly, in Hector's case, but I can tell the intention was there).

Then there's the way they contrast. Lenore is a vampire who still clings on vestiges of humanity: she likes to eat food ("why live forever, if you're not going to live well?"), she rejects brute violence (again, allegedly) in favor of the more human art of diplomacy, she's compassionate about lesser creatures (humans included), and she's horrified at the realization that she is, deep down, nothing more than a greedy beast destined to crave more and more. Hector is a human alienated by humanity, who thinks culling is the kindest option, relates more to animals than his own species, and seems fascinated by the nature of vampires.

Imagine if the two actually bonded over this, and betrayed their "factions" because finally they found someone who respects them. And I mean organically bonded. On screen. With dialogue. Without the gross BDSM petplay. That part 100% has to go, it adds nothing, it's humiliation for humiliation's sake, it ruins Lenore's character, and it's just masturbation fuel.

I'd also change the scene where Lenore beats Hector. In my idea, Lenore flees from Hector's clutches, and then doesn't visit him again... for a week... and leaves him without food and water. By the time she comes back, Hector is desperate and is not above begging for some water, but she doesn't want to come close. "Are you going to hurt me again? :< you hurt me the last time :< you're so scary :< I did nothing to you and you tried to kill me :< I'm afraid that you'll do it again :<"

Basically, treating Hector like a rabid dog until he genuinely apologizes, and not only he learns the lesson that he shouldn't attack the only vampire who visits him, but he feels actually guilty and a terrible person about it. Made worse by how sensitive Hector probably is about all of this, as a love-starved abused child.

You know, manipulation, not just a brute display of strength to admire how stronk the girlboss is.

I don't know how their relationship would go from here, though. I only know that I'm more than happy with Lenore sunning herself: it is thematically coherent for her, her refusal to become like Carmilla, her guilt for hurting Hector, and if the two actually cared for each other, her choice to look at the only man who treated her with respect rather than the sun would be lovely.

Needless to say, we can only get here if she organically grows fond of him and doesn't rape him :^) but if she does, if she's really so cruel to hurt a man at his most vulnerable just to do what her sisters asked of her, then the story should treat her as such - and I'd also love to see Hector just snap, because by this point he's sick and tired of being seen as an object. Give him his big moment of taking down both vampires who hurt him. (in my vision not only he smashes Lenore's skull with his hammer, but he also takes a swing at Isaac - not killing him, just hurting him a little. please)

But I'd rather avoid that. I would like both characters to have agency - not even falling in love with each other, I don't care about that (they'd never be a cute couple anyway, not when she starts out as his jailer), just have a more interesting relationship built on two kindred spirits finding each other, but driven apart by their roles and nature. The vampire chooses death, the human grows and thrives.

There is sadly not going around the fact that Hector fell for two vampires (three if you count Dracula, but I can forgive that one) who employed the same strategy. I don't like the way Carmilla uses Hector either, but I can't be bothered to fix her rn.

[angelsdean]

ok back to thinking abt 1x06 since i'm not done writing meta from my rewatch last week. so what's really interesting to me is that, throughout the episode there's this tension between accepting a life of isolation and living on the fringes of society as a hunter (paralleled with the life of isolation the shapeshifter is forced to live) and wanting to stay connected to people and have friends and a life outside of hunting.

Sam obviously represents the latter, still keeping in touch with his stanford friends, which is what leads them to the shapeshifter case in the first place. And Dean obviously represents the hunting life, and is directly paralleled to the shapeshifter who literally takes his form. However ! throughout the episode, despite what Dean is saying we learn from the shifter that what Dean feels is the opposite. Dean is jealous of Sam for getting to leave and go to college and have a life and friends. Dean stayed behind with John out of a sense of loyalty and family obligation, but he had dreams too! He wanted a different life. And so, Sam knows all this now. He knows that despite pushing Sam to accept that hunting is the only option and hunting means isolation, Dean doesn't even want that himself. But Dean's also convinced himself that he can't share this part of his life with anyone outside of the hunting world. (And later in the season we find out why, because he learned the hard way with Cassie).

And yet, by the end of the episode, Sam now has a friend who know about the supernatural and that he's a hunter, and doesn't reject him for it! But despite this, Sam still chooses to turn away and shut her out, saying she probably won't hear from him anytime soon. And so he chooses the life of isolation as a hunter, the thing he was fighting against with Dean at the beginning of the episode, but which he's now learned Dean doesn't even want. And the whole thesis about why hunters have to be isolated has even been proven wrong. Sam's friend accepts him and doesn't push him away for it! And like, I get it, for plot reasons they gotta be isolated and go on this quest together and find John and hunt the Azazel etc etc but it's just wild to me that literally thee whole episode revolves around this conflict of isolation vs community / friendship / balanced life. And the ending literally shows that it is possible to have friends outside of hunting, and all of that is rejected.

Like I guess you could argue the whole 'keeping people safe by keeping them at a distance' thing. Like being associated with Sam would put his friend in more danger. But she and her brother were already affected by the supernatural and it had nothing to do with Sam. But I could see his guilt over Jessica influencing his decision to push them away. But still, at the beginning of the episode Sam wasn't bothered by that and still intent on keeping in contact with his friends. So really to me it's not about guilt or fear or any of that. It's just this odd reversal (sort of kind of), where Sam becomes the one at the end of the ep who's all for embracing the isolation of hunting, while Dean is wavering, like he still says he's for it but with Dean it's never really about what he's saying. And we know from the shifter he feels differently.

[perennialwitness]

The Infinite Advert

It is a Wednesday night, the time of year is irrelevant because tonight I am doing what I do most nights. I'm on the couch or in my bed, my left hand of its own volition strokes at my facial hair. It plucks any that feels out of place. How it determines which to preen and which to spare is beyond me. The operation is mechanical, exacting and precise. While the left works the right entertains. It holds my cell phone, my fingers, even when empty, rest in the shape of it. Four fingers wrapped around the back while the thumb floats, ready to scroll. My right hand shows me the world. Ads for SUVS, photos of old friends starting families, dogs, cats, houseplants. I scroll and scroll through waves of injustice and mental health advice, absorbing information, commenting silently on what people choose to share. Every so often I get the desire to submit pieces of my own life if only in an effort to prove that I exist outside of this cycle. More often than not I come to my senses deleting the photo or witty tweet I'd spent the last half hour concocting. I stalk my exes which unearths memories buried for the sake of my ego. Masochism offers novelty, though there are only so many scabs to pick. To clear my head I turn my attention toward hookups and one night stands in search of photos that might fill in the gaps and remind me of what their bodies felt like. With a buzz my phone informs me that UberEats is offering $20 off on Popeye's Fried Chicken— for a moment my scrolling stops as the serotonin of receiving a notification slips through my fingers. I mourn the loss briefly and then before regular brain function can resume I continue my journey. With deft flicks I alternate apps; Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, Instagram, Discord, Twitter, Tiktok… when I've opened Facebook it occurs to me that I've become desperate. Somewhere between missed birthdays, Bible verses and conspiracy theories I begin to think that maybe I'm lonely and that a partner might save me from the void or at the very least distract me for a bit. I open Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and the swiping begins again. I examine the profiles of women in my area and judge them based upon how they choose to present themselves. Bad angles, blurry photos, hiding amongst crowds all rejectable offenses. Buzz words like BLM and Adventure cause me to sneer. The matches I am able to make I rarely engage with, though I peruse their profiles and imagine how our interactions might play out if I weren't just using them for validation. I feel guilty about none of this as I assume they are doing the same as I am across town. Eventually I tire of possibility and go in search of porn. I scroll through page after page of thumbnails hunting for the right video. The options are endless and so rather than masturbate as I intended I create reasons not to; bad quality, unappetizing position choices, too rough, too soft, over produced, racist, constant talking, forced moaning, and on and on until I'm no longer aroused. This is when the guilt comes and before I know it my left hand has a new job. It doesn't take long, a minute or so, the orgasm is barely noticeable, but the new wave of guilt that follows is heavy. It is enough to shake me from my daze and I am suddenly aware of the time, hours have passed, lost to the algorithm, my precious minutes converted into data to be sold. My phone buzzes in my hand and I waste no time checking to see who might be reaching out to me. The notification reads: Your average screen time has increased by two hours this week and I open up Twitter to begin the cycle again.

[candyskiez]

Feel free to chat about whatever fic you want :)

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. Or, send in a ⭐star⭐ to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

oooo okay let's go!!! I'm picking this section of my fic stubborn

"Raine was quiet for a moment, pensive. 

 

"Alright,  you're guilty. So what are you going to do about it?"

 

"What?"

 

"You treated him badly. You were wrong. So how are you going to make up for it?" 

 

"It's not that simple, Songbird."

 

"Let me ask you this: do you care about him?"

 

"...Yes. Yes I do." He was fond of him, once he actually got to know him. Once he saw what the kid was like, really like, well…how could he not be? He was kind, and earnest, and passionate and a bit of a dork, albeit with a dark sense of humor. He was a good kid, a damn good one in fact. Those sewing lessons were some of the first Non-Eberwolf related good memories he'd made in…decades, really. "But that doesn't change how I treated him."

 

"You're right. It doesn't. So what do you want to do to fix it?"

 

Darius wanted to reply with something witty, like he always did. It was how he worked. Uncomfortable situation? Sass your way out of it. Works every time. Except for when he can't think of one. 

 

"There are plenty of people far more qualified to help him than I am."

 

"So what are you gonna do when he comes back? Ignore his existence? Do you really think that'd help? How do you think that'll come across?"

 

"It doesn't matter , Raine. He's dead. There's no point speculating. He's gone." 

 

"And what if he isn't? What are you going to say to him?"

 

He goes quiet. Raine sighs.

 

"Look, I get you're guilty. How you treated Hunter was wrong. But avoiding him isnt going to fix it. All you'll do is hurt him and make him think he did something wrong. You wanna make it up to him? Then apologize. If he doesn't want you in his life? Live with it. If he does? Then do better. And don't do it just for Jasper, or because you promised him. Do it because, at the very least, Hunter deserves an apology.""

a thing that always bugs me about a lot of stories about guilt is that it's often treated like the guilt matters more than the one who's hurts comfort. and also how much apologies are treated less as giving the one who was hurt and yourself closure, and more like "now you have to forgive me." which...isn't good. at all. sometimes, forgiving someone is good for you. other times, it isn't. whether or not reconciliation is the healthiest option solely depends on the one who's hurt comfort. if being around them makes them miserable, they shouldn't be expected to reconcile just because the person who hurt them is so so so so guilty. what I really wanted to focus on in this fic was yeah, darius is guilty. but is he going to be sorry, or is he going to be better. (the answer is the latter, dw he's being Responsible.) I didn't want this fic to feel like "ohhh no Darius made a mistake so it's all about HIM feel bad for HIM." it's about darius getting his shit together. and ultimately darius ignoring hunter or distancing from him on the assumption that he won't want him around would hurt the fuck out of him, because it'll only be perceived as rejection, as him hating him. leaving someone for their own good with no warning? that fucks a person up. bad. and is a fucking awful thing to put someone through. this scene is basically raine just saying it how it is. give hunter the choice. stop running from your guilt by pretending there's no chance he's still alive. admit that you're scared he's hurt, and let him make his own decisions. if he wants to avoid you, leave him alone. if he wants you in his life, do better. it is NOT your choice on if he forgives you. it's his. this is probably incoherent and badly worded but here hold this.