#because id love nothing more to help; im not 'abandoning' my care of you in my life but i think this is how it's manifesting

[tinymilkcarton]

v

[mit0bee]

Twisted Wonderland boys with an S/O who's afraid of bugs (me too)

Did I literally just post 5 minutes ago? yes. am i posting again? yes. Stuff you should read: Bulleted HC's because i dont feel like writing an essay like i did with floyds tent hc, no beta we die like men, mention of multiple types of bugs Characters: Leona Kingscholar, Malleus Draconia, Trey Clover, Jamil Viper, Vil Schoenheit, Epel Felmier, Sebek Zigvolt, Floyd Leech

(can be read as platonic but i did write it with a romantic relationship in mind)

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

Leona literally came running into the room thinking you had died or smthn, but no. you were screaming, standing on his bed....all over a small cockroach.

Bro actually sighed. like, a super big sigh, one that youd only get from a dissapointed mother while he stomped on the bug.

"Seriously, Herbivore? You took care of multiple overblots, but a single cockroach gets you all worked up?"

hes grinning so hard. youd want to punch him with how hard hes grinning.

all hes thinking is about the amount he can tease you about this

but, yes. he does get rid of the bug.

unless he was sleeping. then he forces asks ruggie to do it nicely.

MALLEUS DRACONIA

implodes the bug.

im not kidding.

he literally goes full on oceangate on that bug and implodes it

you didnt even have time to properly freak out before the bug was wiped off the face of the earth

"tsunotarou what was that sound?"

"nothing light of my life" *hiding bug corpse*

"are you sure bc i thought i saw a bug"

"nope. no bugs here? should we buy some bug repellant to ease your mind?"

".....no its okay."

you knew he somehow killed the bug.

and it only made you love him even more than you already do.

TREY CLOVER

catches the bug for you and lets it outside.

unlike the first two, he tries his best not to kill the bug.

he pulls the "how would you feel if i stomp on you and kill you?"

"if you killed me while i was a bug i'd thank you"

"you'd be dead, [name]."

"....id thank you from the grave."

he just sighs and shakes his head

probably convinces riddle to let him put anti-bug measures around heartslaybul for you (it didnt take much convincing riddle hates bugs too)

JAMIL VIPER

screams with you

probably set ramshackle on fire more than once while visiting you

you both have to call kalim or adeuce to come exterminate the single cockroach on the ground

again, that one tik tok sound where its like

"YOU KILL THE BUG, YOURE THE MAN!"

"SINCE WHEN."

thats a daily interaction between the two of you

if it happened at scarabia, he'd stay at ramshackle for the next month

literally would abandon kalim (or if he really cant be trusted he'd just bring kalim with him to make sure he didn't cause any problems)

VIL SCHOENHIET

screams with you x2

isn't as dramatic as jamil, but he definitely freaks out about it too.

about the bugs? no. about the bug bites.

again, youd have to call someone to save the both of you so you dont pass tf out and die while he gets eaten alive by a fruit fly

wym fruit flies dont bite? you cant be too cautious.

somehow always has bug repellant with him in the warm seasons

hes prepared and will NOT get any bug bites

EPEL FELMIER

zero reaction, or has a positive one.

"what in tarnation do you mean you hate bugs?! they help with fertilizer blah blah blah blah blah blah (i dont know farming stuff)!"

you have to CONVINCE him to get rid of the bugs, but he'll eventually cave and do it just for you

if you ask him to put up anti-insect measures he'd look at you like youre crazy

"[name]. bugs are actually really good for our ecosystem. back at home we always had to take care of the bugs, or else our crops would die."

"shut up. please. ily, but i cant deal with these bugs."

"okay okay okay fine"

will reluctantly set them up

overall a 4/10 for bug measures he will do it just not unless you beg

SEBEK ZIGVOLT

yells.

not in fear, but in anger because how DARE such a miniscule thing try to terrify the people he cares about?!

doesnt explode it like malleus

but strikes it with lightning.

yk his dorm card groovy? thats what hes doing to a little centipede.

expects you to praise him for protecting you

sure, its a given that he would, but he would very much so appreciate your thanks, and maybe a head pat or smthn

give him one.

now.

FLOYD LEECH

like trey, he lets the bug free

sometimes.

other times he kills it and chases you with the corpse

or keeps it alive and chases you with the living bug

if you REALLYYYYYYYYYY dont like bugs, like straight up sobbing, freaking out, then he wont but otherwise? have fun bro

someone has to seperate you two when you see a bug, because he will do something

sometimes if he's feeling generous he wont do anything and you'll be like "tf? what did you do to be so nice?"

"cant i just be generous towards my shrimpy?"

"no."

".....yeah i almost grilled grim thinking he was food."

"you WHAT."

all of this because of a simple bug

oh to be young and in love ----------------------- m.list @mit0ee 's work, please do not steal!

[sammyloomis]

2024 completions #2

part 1

the second part of my 2024 completions!! tho i doubt there'll be much on this one since its getting close to the end of the year and i know im gonna be super busy in december ;w; BUT we'll see

most of these seem to be shitty little games i wanted to get off my backlog so oopsie :']

total games: 5

30/11 - Doom - 7/10

a corporation becomes overrun with demons after attempting to siphon energy from hell itself. doomguy awakens from his tomb and begins clearing them out the only way he knows how; with huge fucking guns and a lotta violence another backlog game!! 2 years this one :] another thing i started and didnt immediately click with so eh. this is my first doom game and itll probably be the last, but not because the game isnt good, its Really good; great gameplay, awesome soundtrack, aesthetically dope as hell. this feels more like the kinda game id have more fun watching than playing dfgh i get mad too easily

03/12 - Bem Feito - 5/10

bem feito is a charming little farming sim from a long forgotten console of the last 90s. after receiving a mysteriously unearthed rom of it, you can finally play it for yourself!! nothing is wrong!! extremely short game with a charming pixel art style and a horror aspect i wasnt expecting going into it :'] the concepts a little overdone and there isnt rly anything new added to the whole "haunted game" trope, but its nice to look at and easy to plat. not much else to write home about

03/12 - Knightin'+ - 5/10

sir lootalot is a tiny little knight in search of gold and glory another extremely short one, especially in terms of plat since you dont even have to finish everything to get it :'] that being said, still a fun little game!! ur classic dungeon crawler with a cute pixel style, only 4 dungeons to finish, but since the games p cheap especially on offer u cant go wrong

04/12 - Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion - 8/10

turnip boy rips up his taxes and, in doing so, spurs mayor onion into forcing him to repay his debt. help out the residents of ur little village, rip up every document u find, and try not to think too hard about all the abandoned houses and nuclear waste everywhere!! short n fun little game with a great sense of humour and art style!! i always wish games like this were longer but maybe that'd ruin the magic :'] theres a bit too much traipsing around to finish quests, but its not too much of a hassle with how small the map is, and theres even an endless mode if you wanna go for some extra hats once the main game is finished :]

05/12 - Sir Lovelot - 4/10

one tiny knight is on a quest for love and he doesnt care How many failed relationships hes gotta go through first!! kinda in the vein of super meat boy, in that u get killed in one hit and theres traps n monsters everywhere. still a fairly easy plat, and its defo a skill issue that i struggled so much with it fghj how many of these short pixel games am i gonna be able to find?? sheesh

[areallysaddog]

listen.

im so glad you've never been raped. im so glad your first sexual experience was not violent and horrifying and painful. I'm so glad that afterwards you didn't have a whole group of your peers talking about your rape in a casual 'wow she was so easy' type way. I'm so glad you didn't have to tell people, at age fourteen, "no we didn't have sex, he raped me". I'm glad you didn't have to experience all of your friends tell you "i dont think that he would do that" and choose him over you. I'm glad you didn't have to live thru age 17 english class, comforting a girl you told at 14 because she got raped by him too. im glad you never had to experience such trauma around a basic human function. so could you please shut the fuck up about my sex life? I frankly don't give a single fuck if you don't like that I let a guy who was nothing but nice to me, nothing but kind and sweet and attentive, shove his fucking fingers inside me. that was a huge step for me. I have never let anyone touch me before, not like that. I dont fucking care that YOU think I have no morals and that I'm a disgusting whore who will 'throw away years of friendship for a fuck'. you're a pussy. if you were truly my friend, you would be happy that I am working through my traumatic relationship with my own body. but you're not. you would rather me stay traumatized and alone. you said "id be okay with it if it was anyone other than him", and even if you delete every single message, any and all proof we ever were friends, I'll still remember. I will always remember they way you abandoned me for trying to heal. you used to be the type of person who inspired me to be a better person, a nicer person, a more understanding guy. now you're the type of person who is drowning and flailing, reaching for anyone who tries to help you but instead you pull them down with you. I wouldn't let you drown me. and that made you angry. you deleted every single message you've ever sent me because you think I am the type of person who would go to someone you don't like and talk mad personal shit about them. you think that about me because that's who you are. you knew that your friend hates me so of course you told him personal information about my sex life so he could harass me on behalf of you. because you're a pussy bitch. you refused to be honest with anyone, hurt me repeatedly, and now I simply can not care. of course you got your minion goon to send me shitty dms and delete them, you're too much of a pussy to say anything with your whole chest and leave it there. face the consequences of what you have to say. tell him you hate him and you actually haven't been friends with him in years. tell me you think I'm a disgusting whore with no values. tell that fucking neet that she is the love of your life and you can't stop thinking about her. fill your life to the brim with events, so you never have to be alone or think critically for even a second. I'm so glad you've never been raped. but if you had, you wouldn't have destroyed our friendship.

[squeet-smooch]

I cannot imagine that you want me. When was the last time you kissed me? Or said my name? When was our last date? When did you last hug me that wasnt out of pity? When have we last cuddled?

When have you last thought of me? When did i last say anything non triggering or non vent to you? When have we last been anywhere near each other? When was the last time you'd look at me? When you'd look in my eyes?

I can kinda get it, especially after today. If i was you i would regret me too. There's not really anything about me that isnt triggering for you.

The drugs which, you say recreational snd i say medical. But who am i to tell you you're wrong. How dare i after i said something knowing it would be bad. The fucking zadr shit. Of course its a bad ship in the full canon, and of course you had a bad fucking go of it previously. Of course i mentioned it wrong, misinterpreting my past memories, seeing the wrong universe. Of course i hurt you and of course you were the one who comforted me. Of course we did things because im an idiot. You probably felt like you had to. Of course i regret it all. I dont regret you, i would love to choose you. But i regret that i let you choose me. Of course im on hormones, the ones that scare you. Of course i merely mentioned them. Of course i ruined that trip. Of course its all been my fault. Of course i made it up here late and clawing and scratching. Of course i still triggered you. Of course i broke your things. Of course i broke several things. Of course i cluttered your space, brought too much. Of course of course i lost my ID and am still STILL failing to replace it. Of course im letting you down, because of course i am.

Why do you let me live here? Guilt that i have nowhere to go? The dog you rescued, hoping he'd find a new home when well enough. Hoping he'd eventually get out. A fun temporary thing. "Married"

Irken married. Why. Why me

When have i brought anything good? When have you asked for me? When was the last time i wasn't alone. Isolated. I pulled away because i could sense that I've been hurting you, and you retracted all the way without hesitating. Im losing you and you would be better off with the other 2. Of course he is replacing me. He's sleeping in the office? Where. When my stuff has been removed? He's excited to live with me too, as i am him. But are you? You haven't seemed to miss me

And maybe i am selfish. Maybe im the asshole. Im actually a narcissist. Im sorry. I'm expectant and needy and listless and useless and stupid. Im unhelpful and lazy. Im so lazy and stupid. I don't help, i make things worse.

How many things have i broken. I promise i have been careful, you wouldn't see it even if you lived in my body. You'd believe all the awful things about ne. You'd know exactly why you should abandon me, dump all my belongings in the yard. Leave me to rot in the rain.

I told you i was a trauma holder. And you left me alone. It was already shaky, our bond. I was relieved, and i told you because i thought things were improving, that my trauma was being treated and we were being soft and warm. I was grateful you were being so affectionate, so gentle. I need absolutely nothing from you, and im sorry im being greedy. One look from you is a blessing very rare few can afford, and you've given me so much more than that. So, so much more than i ever deserved. But how could i tell you any of this. How dare i. What is wrong with me? My problem? How dare i. How dare i. I'm an evil demanding creep. Im not a person and im not irken anymore, im vile.

Im barely conscious anymore. Im alone. I put myself in storage and I'm going to cumulate dust before you can even bear the sight of me.

Im so horrid. Rancid. Bad. It's all my fault and im sorry i didn't protect you. Im sorry that it's my fault and i got you to start trusting me. I broke it immediately somehow, I'm a walking trigger.

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I just read thst two days after Paul introduced John to Linda, John got together with Yoko. If its true then my god, you gotta feel bad for Yoko, its like she was just a tool to get one up on Paul to John. It'd explain why she wanted John to have nothing to do with Paul too.

The initial meeting between John and Yoko is a complicated subject - there is of course the iconic story in which they met at one of Yoko’s avant-garde art shows, but then theres also allegations that she stalked him for a time before he finally instigated a relationship with her. It appears that they had begun something of a relationship prior to India (how serious this was on John’s behalf, I don’t know), but it was really after India that John became enamoured with her.

I don’t know if its true that John started seeing Yoko two days after being introduced to Linda (id have to find a source to verify that, but im doubtful because like I said, the beginnings of John and Yoko’s relationship is sketchy and it feels difficult to determine something like that) but you might be thinking of this (x), “[John & Yoko] had decided to marry on 14 March 1969, two days after the wedding of Paul McCartney to Linda Eastman…”

(Im so rubbish with timelines and dates btw, sorry!)

But yup! It must have felt pretty awful to be Yoko in that position - to have someone vehemently insist on marrying you, almost immediately after they’ve found out that their other partner had just married. And we know Yoko is smart enough to have recognised that there was a connection there - in fact she even invoked in an interview that she believes John might have actually been in love with Paul!

“…From chance remarks [John] had made, [Yoko] gathered there had even been a moment when…he had contemplated an affair with Paul…“I knew there was something going on there,” she remembers. “From his point of view, not from Paul's. And he was so angry at Paul, I couldn't help wondering what it was really about.”

- John Lennon: The Life by Philip Norman

So we know that she was not oblivious. It just must have hurt knowing that you were being used almost as a vessel to replace someone else - someone who John apparently cared even more for in fact.

She was forced to be in competition with Paul from day one, because their relationship seems to have been grounded really in John needing a distraction from Paul. So though I don’t think its right that Yoko detached John from Paul to the degree that she did, I can understand the thought process; afterall, this was supposed to a meaningful, committed relationship - but John just appeared to be more invested in Paul then their new and blossoming romance. A love like that had to have wounded her confidence.

Like you said anon, she was something of a tool John used in order to “prove” something to Paul. Ive never bought that John “needed” Yoko around constantly, and thats why he just had to have her in the studio, because its always appeared to me more as though he was just dragging her around to show her off to Paul, as if to say “see im loveable and I don’t need you [Paul], and I could easily leave you before you ever leave me—”, but this was all just a big cry for attention. This need to “prove” something to Paul appeared to be instigated at its core by an imagined fear of abandonment.

[winterfireice]

@the-abandoned-schoolbus I was going to send you an ask but I was to long. Um fair warning this was the first thing I wrote when wanting to post it to tumblr. And I was going to send you just a snippet but decided you deserve the full thing. I really like the idea just think I can do better

Here we go

I say “coffee” and “orders” too much(also in this sophie and amy are both adopted by grady and edaline while jolie is there birth daughter and jolie is 2 years older than sophie and amy is 2 yars younger than sophie placing jolie a freshman in college, sophie a junior in high school and amy a freshmen) also i know nothing about running a business just keep that in mind

~Sophie~

I was taking orders and making coffee on a saturday moring so basically I was fucked; usaly theres more people working during rush hour but my parents were on vacation for there anniversary, my best friend Keefe called out for a date he planned a week ago and that was fine when I thought id have my cousin Dex and my little sister Amy working with me but Amy got a stomach bug and passed it to Dex. But I'm not having Keefe cancel his date so here I am. When my parents were fresh out of college they bought a little coffee shop near the center of town and started Calla’s Coffee well actually started “A Coffee Cup” but they were never sold on the name and when our family friend Calla who loved our coffee we had our name. And even though the building is pretty small it was very popular. The bell on the door rings for the tenth time in five minutes and I look up and see a beautiful girl with dark brown hair tied into a intricate braid and teal eyes she's wearing faded jeans with a simple white blouse tucked into them she gets into the back of the line when the phone rings I grab it while turning around to make a young man's tea “Hello this is Calla’s Coffee how can I help you?”

“Hey sis” I get a way too chipper voice for eight am “Jolie” its not exactly a question but my older sister answers it like one any way “that would be me” “why are you calling the coffee house?” I question “well you sound happy to hear from me” she teases “Im working alone.” I hear a ohh of reilization my sister is two years older than me and has definitely worked here enough to know when its the busiest. “Wheres everyone else?” “Busy.” theres no need and no time to explain. I grab the green tea bag releasing its empty “you have until im done grabbing some more tea from the back.” I say into the receiver luckly my mom convinced my dad to get the cordless phone so i can bring the phoen with me. “Also why are calling the land line and not my phone?” I ask. We almost never call the coffee shop “I didnt know who was working.” she responds “I think I left a stack of papers on the table in the staff room the last time I was there.” Jolie is a freshmen at college but trys to come home pretty regularly because shes only about an hour away but this weekend she had to study. I grab the tea bag and walk over to the table, our back room doubles as a storge room and break/staff room. “I dont see anything let me check the cubbys” all of the staff has a cubby for our stuff but since theres six of us and ten cubbys we use the extra four for random stuff we have here. “Is it a report on how our economy is going?” Jolie wants to be a social worker for the foster care system but is taking some extra classes to expand her knowledge or something “yes, did you find it?” “yeah shoult you have this on your computer? Just print out another one.” “My computer broke its getting fixed right now but wont be ready by the time I need to turn that paper in. Guess ill be seeing you tommorwer id pick it up today but I have a study group all day.” “ok Love you see you soon” I tell her “love you too” Im walking back to register when Keefe walks though the door and over to me already putting on his apron “I thought you had a date?” “somthing came up on his end were getting dinner insead.” He says shrugging “here ill take over making everything you get the orders.”

It's about ten minutes later when a brown haired girl comes up and pulls out a list “I'm going to warn you I have a long list and a very annoying brother.” she says in a way that says she is sorry in advance. I put both my hands on the counter and lean on them “oh thats fine would you rather tell me the order or give me that list your holding?” I say with a smile on. She hands me the piece of paper and I give it to keefe behind me. “He looks at it and gives it back “you take this one you're good at complicated” I look down at the order and see one of the most complicated lattes i've ever seen not to mention an equally complicated tea and two simple coffees. I turn towards the girl “there's four names on this list which one should I call when it's ready?” “That's all you have to say?” keefe says quietly beside me but loud enough where the girl can hear him. She doesn't look mad though, more understanding “Biana” she nods “Pretty name.” I say and turn back to the coffee maker but not before I see her blush I smile to myself knowing I'm the reason for the pigment in her cheeks.

“Biana” I shout, putting her drinks in a tray and on the receiving part of the counter. She walks over and picks it up and grabs something from her back pocket “just one more thing.” and hands me the folded paper and walks away. I open it seeing her name and a phone number below it. Smiling, I put it into my pocket and go back to taking orders.

~Biana~

I dont think Ive ever giving a girl my number before but she was really cute and really good at making coffee especially the one im drinking right now itt has a little milk and sugar with a good amont of cinnamon and toffee flavoring ive never gone to this place before but have heard great things about it and it live up to the hype. I open the front door to my familys two bedroom apartment its smaller than our old house but still enough room for all of us. We all wanted to get out of our small town when my father got all mad about my mom getting engaged especially to another woman. But with me and my mom’s decorating skills its super warm and homey. “Coffees here.” I shout, my future step mom or mum as me and my brother call her gets up from the couch and grabs her coffee and standing next to me around our coffee table that ive put our drinks on while my mom and brother come out of their rooms and grab there much more complicated drinks. “Thanks I needed this want to go on a run before it starts to rain.” my older brother says gesturing to the window where clouds are starting to roll in. My brother basically has his football scholarship in the bag but still workouts like a mad man he enjoys it though and it gets him out of the house so I cant complain “I think your stopwatch is on my dresser from the that last run you dragged me on.” he nods right before chugging hsi coffee and getting ready to leave “that cant be good for your stomach” I sit on the arm chair in our living room. Our aperntment has the living room and kitchen in one room and we also have a coffee table next to the kitchen in the living room we have a couch that can fit three people and two arm chairs with a smaller coffee table in the center its all facing the tv. My parents are on the couch and turn on the tv to some cooking channel and we all finish our caffeinated drinks. “Im going to some homework.” I say walking to my bedroom. I share it with Fitz so theres two beds two dressers and a desk plus a small closet. I sit down at my desk and open my computer. My old school offers online learning so Fitz and I are finishing our school year and next year well be going to the loal high school, well I will Fitz will be in college. He's a year older than me and currently a senior while I'm a junior.

Im still studying hours later when my phone dings with a new text

hey its sophie from Calla’s im the barista you gave your number to

I smile, I was a bit stressed when I first gave it to her that i just left right away in case she turned me down. I add her into my contacts and respond

Hi Soph

My phone rings after a few seconds “hi” “hi” we both chuckle even though theres nothing funny happing just two gays being awkward “you still working?” I ask and immediately regret of course shes not its almost dark and shes calling someone she just met not something you do while working. “Umm no I got off a few hours ago I just had a lot of homework and I had to take my dogs on a walk.” she sounds flustered “you have dogs?” “yeah two mutts” ive always loved dogs of course she has dogs “what are there names?” “oh well ones Iggy and the other is Silveny there annoying but adorable sometimes and vocal sometimes I feel like I know exactly what there thinking” shes laughing and I can tell she really loves her pets “I think I have some photos if you want them?” “Yes” I answer maybe to quickly “of course I want dog photos” she sends a few photos of two dogs a medium sized grey boy Iggy I learn and a slightly larger white girl Silveny. We end up talking the rest of the night until Fitz comes into the room I got a text about an hour after he left this morning saying he was going to spend the day in town I did’t relise it was ten pm until looking at the clock on his dresser “where were you” I whisper angling the phone away from my mouth “errands, and I met someone it's nothing” he shakes his head “im going to take a shower” I nod at him as he leaves the room “sorry my brother just came into our room, hes gone now getting ready for bed.” “bed its only,” sophie pauses im guessing checking the time “holy shit it got late fast im so sorry but I got work tomorrow and should probably go to bed. But I want to talk to you again if your available come to the cafe a little after noon its pretty calm around then” “perfect ill see you there” we hang up and a fall onto my bed squealing she said she wanted to talk to me again. I get ready for bed the smile not leaving my face.

“Hey I really liked that coffee palace we had yesterday I think im going to go back today.” I'm grabbing my purse and heading to the door Its not noon yet but I dont know if I can wait much longer knowing a cute girl is only ten minutes away, well by walking. “Sweatheart its almost twelve dont you want lunch insead?” my mom is giving me a quizzing look and shes right I almost never have coffee at lunch or no lunch espicly since our family opened a diner and started making amazing hamburgers. “That coffee place had muffins and stuff that I wanted to try. Plus they had a good variety of teas without caffeine” I dont know why im rambling I did want to try there muffins when I was there last time but I got distracted. “Ill come too” Fitz is puting on a thin jacket over his t shirt “No no I bet your busy Ill just bring you somthing home, ill send you a photo of the menu” ive opened the door and walking to hallway im sure my moms are giving me weird looks since I basically just ran out of the house but I hear jingling of keys and footsteps coming twords me “Why are you being so weird Its just a coffee place right,” Fitz gives me a questioning look and I wonder if hes thinking about who could have been on the other side of my very long phone call. “Plus that way we can drive there” Fitz is walking ahead of me and I relise theres no way out of this. I dont even know why im annoyed its not like this is a date Sophie just invited me to her job when shes working im basically just a customer with connections.

“So who is it?” Fitz is driving and has an annoying voice like he knows everything “Ill answer your question if you answer mine. Whos did you spend the day with yesterday?” “just some guy I barley know him” “same but its a girl and she works at Calla’s Coffee” im trying to hide my excitement “ooo so thats why you wanted so desperately to come alone.” I look away out the window nodding. Fitz laughs beside me and brings his attention fully to the road again.

I step into the building and hear a little bell Fitz is right behind me I tried to convince him to stay in the car or go do something else but he was very persistent. “So this is Calla’s, its nice” Hes looking around and hes right it feels lived in for a coffee shop while still updated enough where you dont feel like its missing anything. But im not realy paying attention to the decoring but to the blond girl wiping down some tables she looks up and smiles at me. At me im eternally screaming and apparently not moving because fitz pushes me sltightly guigding me to the counter were theres a few bar seats. “Hi” I sit down in the seat closet to in front of her “Hey you came” she smiling and im having trouble breathing. “Yeah should I have texted I could have let you know I was on my way” “no no its fine its like a surprise” she laughs and im totally gay panicking and just stairing at her id feel self concise if she wasnt doing the same thing “Foster are you going to take her order or just keep looking at her” a tall blond guy is standing in a doorway that gose to the back of the store. I hear Fitz take a weird breath and sit down beside me wile sophie shakes her head like trying to get out of a trance “do you want the same as last time” I shake my head “whats do you recommend for something with low caffeine?” “Foster low caffeine I dont think she knows that exists” she laughs and Sophie glares at him. “I know something want a surprise” i nod at her “any allergies?” “nope, you have free rein” “perfect,” she turns to Fitz’s deration “anything for you” “I dont know if you still have are order from yesterday but Ill have a latte with-” “ohh complicated latte got it” Soph turns around and starts making our drinks im paying attention to her but can definitely can still pick up on the weird tension between the second bareista his name tag says his name is Keefe and my brother but im too preouipated being gay. Sophie puts down our dinks mine looks like a kind of tea and tastes like citrus and amazing. Fitz takes a sip of his coffee “its perfect, how I never saw you look at a paper or anything” “eidetic memories” Keefe points to his head and sophie’s “both of you” I gape at her “thats so cool” she shruggs her shoulders like its no big deal and looks down I think to hide that shes blushing it dosent work very well. “So how did you two start working at a Coffee shop?” Fitz asks “Well my parents own it so it was a no bainer for me but when Keefe needed a job his best friends family owned business just happened to have an opening” Soph says that last part like maybe she had a little to do with Keefes job opportunity. “Oh your family owns Calla’s?” I say as the door rings and a guy that I guess is just slightly taller than keefe walks in “hey diz” Keefe says throwing an apron at his head it falls off his face and he checkers it putting it on “thanks because you couldt just hand it to be like a normal person” he pulls out a name tag out of one of the many pockets and pins it to the top right corner showing his naem is Dex “normal is boring” Keefe says to him “Biana, Fitz meet Dex, Dex meet Biana and Fitz. Dex is my cousin, well by adoption” I turn to Dex “your adopted?” I ask hoping its not an offensive question “no I am” Sophie says as dex joins them behind the counter “but we see each other more than bio cousins plus its been long enough that you might as well be related by blood.” Dex shrugs. “Its nice to meet you.” he says “you too” me and Fitz say at the same time. We sit in silence for a little while Sophie and my eyes meeting and we simle “Hey, when are your parents getting back?” Dex says leaniing though the doorway to the back room. “Five and remember Jolie is getting here around four and staying for dinner, also Edaline and Grady don't know shes coming its a little surprise” Sophie answered just briefly taking her eyes off me to answer Dex before turning back to me “Jolie’s my older sister and at college but taking an impromptu to trip. And my parents are going on a much needed vacation camping.”

“how many photos do you think they took?” Keefe asks wiping down some mugs “oh hundreds, no doubt” Shopie giggles, I love how close these three seem and how nautul they seem even with two new people sitting infront of them. A ring comes from sophie's back pocket and she pulls it out looking down at it “oh sorry I got to take this” she says clicking on the answer button “hey sis”

[witchersgoldenbard]

id love to read every wip on that list but lotr wip is calling me. pls

was gonna ask about light13wip cuz i read all of it again last night (i thought hmm what could help with this aching within and went and read it all and it helped) but i dont think im strong enough to read just a bit of it and then carry on with my life hehe <33

khfsjkdf nonnie you... you read it all again last night? that's.. my darling, that is 60k. are. are you okay? oh my god? i cuddle and smooch you on the forehead. but for that, i am going to be nice and mean and give you more jaskier&ciri comfort. (and also because someone else asked for lotr au so :3)

Light ch13, beginning. in which they both get to cry

Jaskier holds her, his hand flying to her hair and stroking her gently, shushing her but not to keep her quiet, only to keep her calm. To remind her he’s there. He will always be there, as long as she needs him. He’s crying, too, though he’s not sure why. Maybe it’s the pain she’s been holding in for too long, strong enough to make the whole Continent weep with sympathy. Maybe it’s the relief of getting to hold her again, getting to comfort her again after he was so scared that he had fucked up and abandoned her unwittingly. “I’ve got you,” he whispers repeatedly. “You’ve got this, Cirilla, and I’ve got you. I promise. I promise the world won’t end. I’ve got you.” Her sobs echo through the halls and he has no doubt that the witchers and Yennefer can hear her. He hopes that their worry doesn’t weigh heavier than their relief. Witchers and sorceresses aren’t prone to such displays of emotion, and Jaskier isn’t sure if they know that sometimes you have to cry and let your tears wash away the dirt of the world for everything to look brighter again. All he can do is hold his crying princess and hope that no one will come running to demand what is going on. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he tells her again, apologising to the princess and to himself. “I should have been here, but I had to hide for a while. I’m sorry, my darling. I’m so sorry.” She shakes her head against him, but when a sob wrecks through his chest, she pulls back. Not far, only to look him in the eyes. Oh, what a sight they must be making right now. The princess and her bard sitting on the cold, dusty floor of a witcher keep that is falling apart, their eyes red-rimmed and their hands clenched into fists by each other’s hearts. Cirilla looks at him and lets go of his linen shirt, threadbare now where she had been tugging on it. Her hand comes up to his cheek and she wipes at his tears, much like she had a few nights ago when she already found him a wreck in his own bed. Gods, he really should have been more careful with his own mind there and spared the girl some worries. But still she is here, wipes his tears from his cheek and meets his eyes. Shakes her head. And it takes Jaskier a moment to realise that what she is telling him is, no. No, you shouldn’t have been here. No, you get to hide. No, don’t be sorry. Jaskier clenches his jaw against the onslaught of words that want to bubble out of him right now, and he swallows until what leaves his mouth is nothing more than a whispered, “Thank you.” She smiles. It’s barely there, merely a quirk to her lips, but Cirilla’s smiles have always been more about her eyes and the light that Jaskier can see in them even now, even here on the floor, even after everything that happened in the past few days. This girl really is the strongest person he knows. In a keep full of witchers and a sorceress, full of the strongest and most powerful people on the Continent. And here she is, crying, smiling, hiding, and so alive.

sorry nonnie, don't hate me. ily.

[pridewhatpride]

ok so I read your view on GX rivalshipping and how things would get messy when johan shows up because I was curious about another GX rivalshippers opinion, and holy you and I have the EXACT same thoughts.

Ive went on and on about how manjoume as a rival (and as someone who could have had the ability to support judai) was tossed aside as soon as johan shows up + turned into the comedic relief chara and nobody ever really knows what the hell im talking about LOL. a big thing for me is just how DIFFERENT that would be for manjoume as well? in the seasons before johan shows up judai is so clingy towards him, always busting into his room and being in his personal space...

then mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon and suddenly judai is like. smitten. which like youve pointed- out who could blame judai? johan is hard to hate and hes kind of perfect in every way. I always imagine what that would do to manjoumes self esteem in particular, because as we all know it IS a bit fragile at times, especially when it comes to being the best he can be.

I think having johan around would make him feel absolutely insignificant not only as someone who LIKES judai, but even just as judais friend. is he really so horrible at being a support that judai needs a stranger to lean on? even though he never asked for judais help much, is he really such a burden when he needs to be saved? why is judai acting like hes never been able to connect with manjoume, who can also see duel spirits, before? whoever said opposites attract obviously havent seen judai and johan! thoughts like that.

I could go on and on but I dont want you to have to read my 2746373 word long ask about them. id love to hear any thought or analysis you have on GX rivalshipping because its my favourite and the shippers are so rare, so I encourage you to post them whenever you feel like it!

Dear anon.

You can't ever know just how happy receiving this in my inbox made me. I can't fully express how grateful I am at the simple fact that you read my long rambles and reached out to me. I respect your anonimity if you want to keep it, but honestly, DM me whenever, if you want to. I think I'd like to talk to you if you're comfortable with it? I really do want to read your "2746373 word" essay on them. For the rest of my life.

I might get a little personal in terms of my view on this, so just... be aware.

The thing is that the way Manjoume is cast aside is just... a big fear of mine. "Sure, we might be friends now, but I'm not all that good and you know it. You won't mean any harm by it, but you'll find someone you like better and I'll be alone again." That kind of line of thought is probably something that goes through Manjoume's mind? He doesn't really... have friends outside of Judai. Maybe Fubuki. And Daichi? Except he disappears into nothingness very quickly. But that's it. And he certainly had none before that: just lackeys who pretended to like him because he was rich and perceived as promising. He lost that and suddenly found himself isolated.

It's nice to think that he bonded with the other members of the gang, but... he didn't. Shou certainly never really stops disliking/making fun of him. You could say it's meant as like... friendly teasing. But it doesn't read that way because there is nothing to indicate actual affection. Kenzan, Aster and the transfer students just... barely interact with him? Like have they actually ever spoken to eachother? I doubt it. Ryo is just the admirable upperclassman. Again, barely any interaction. Asuka is... a mess I don't want to get into, but again, she would probably file a restraining order if she could.

So yeah. Manjoume has one friend and the taller and cooler guy just kind of takes that away. Of course Johan is not aware of this! He wouldn't have been able to do much to change it, either way. It was Judai's own choice and that's what hurts the most, to me.

If shifting the focus and making minor changes to canon is something you like to do, here's a thing I think about a lot. "Teardrop", the Season 3 opening, except it's what Manjoume feels when seeing Judai's suffering and desperation. You know.

As you hang your head and smile, a single tear lands on your cheeks

You pretend to be strong, but underneath You’re hiding sighs; your smile is cloudy It sticks into me Like shattered glass

It’s OK to talk about the pain in your heart

Your smile Has always saved me You can cry now I’ll stay here with you

I can't bring myself to blame Judai or Johan for it, but I think Manjoume- if he'd been written like an actual character past a certain point- would have been quite devastated by this.

As you said, it's not just being abandoned, it's also being indirectly told that he was never truly someone worthwhile, that he is little more than extra weight. What of his supposed status of equal rival and all that? Nothing. Judai is just... on a different level than him. So Manjoume is simply left to stagger behind in a desperate attempt to chase after greatness. He wasn't good enough for his brothers and Judai stood up for him. But in the end he wasn't good enough for Judai either.

I like to think that Manjoume made an effort to get along with the others. He just didn't quite know how and couldn't just... switch off his more prideful persona. And he ended up paying quite the steep price.

I know I'm extra melodramatic when it comes to my favourites, but it's something that bugs me. I understand why the manga decided to approach Manjoume's character in a completely different way and it's the reason why I like to read Manjoume's personality as a mix of manga and anime canon. I really have to mention this- how can one even pretend that the writers gave a shit about Manjoume when they joked about how stinky he was in a scene that could have been... emotional in some way. Judai frees Manjoume from the influence of the Society of Light by reminding him who he really is (I don't want to talk about Kenzan being too strong to be manipulated because that is fucking stupid and besically the equivalent of saying "ahah, the light got you because you're not strong willed enough @ Asuka @ Manjoume. Get rekt"). And like... great! They are actually showing off how much they care for eachother as friends despite the rivalry! But no. Judai ends up basically saying: "You smell and your coat has stains on it!" and Manjoume's just: "Oh yeah, I'm goth I hate wearing white, nvm."

... I swear someone on the writing team looked at Manjoume and went: "Let's bully him!" Ugh ;; Can you tell I'm hyper biased towards Manjoume yet?

This was hilarious to read, by the way: "mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon"

But yes, this mess is now officially over. I will be spouting gx rivalshipping nonsense left and right because we were robbed of their dynamic and I'll never get over that. Also I really want to draw them, so that helps.

Ending this post by saying that this ask made me feel like I didn't waste time writing all that, that someone can get something out of it. I'm really glad.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Makoto plot line by Lêx?

thank you for this totally 100% spontaneous ask that you sent of your own free will, anon!

okay, so here's the thing. i dont like makoto. not really. he's annoying af and basically useless. bitch does nothing but hide behind haru cuz he's scared of everything and be blushy and soft in that spineless way, you know? like he just lets everyone push him around and treats everyone in such an unfuriatingly uniform, fake-cheery, ultra helpful way that it's his whole personality

but here's the thing! it gets sad. you know? especially considering how he, like, seems to basically live to enable haru? in all the worst ways. like it's nice of course that he helps haru with his depression but there's a point when it becomes enabling and that point is when makoto is running after haru all the time trying to solve his messes, remind him of his own damn responsibilities, and basically take care of haru's whole life so he doesn't have to. again, helping is good, but by worrying about the things haru doesn't worry about and preventing him from facing the consequences of not doing anything basically lmao he enables haru to never fucking get out of his constant stupor. also, as previously said, he's spineless, which means that he never truly goes against haru's wishes. so like. enabler. bad

which is my main beef with makoharu, which is actually the most popular ship in the fandom because ppl have no taste and also dont know how to interpret shit. tho tbh even makoharu shippers are like "i ship makoharu because makoto deserves to be happy and he wants haru!" so even they acknowledge that.... haru isn't into him lmao. but anyway

point is: they pull each other back. im not gonna say it's abusive or something cuz i don't think it is, i wouldn't even call it toxic, but it's stale in the worst kind of way. makoto enables not only haruka's depression, but also his self destructive and to some extent relationships destructive behavior, setting his growth back. and makoto lives and exists to take care of haru. he has no dreams, no goals, hell, not even INTERESTS. his whole thing is just. haru. where haru goes, he follows. and. that's it basically

which is why the fact that so many makoto stans ship makoharu is also baffling to me, because if i were a makoto fan, i'd probably hate haru, lmao. i mean, makoto is going around doing all this work for him, plus emotional labor, and haru never gives him much back really. and it's obvious that haru doesn't like makoto the same way makoto likes him, but makoto is just out there taking whatever scraps he can get, and haru just sort of. probably doesn't even notice cuz that's been their dynamic since they were kids. and makoto knows that, too. so like. if i stanned makoto. id fucking hate haru for that tbh

and honestly it's bad writing because i think the writers couldn't care less about makoto lmao and also didn't know what to do with him, which i think becomes increasingly obvious as seasons go by and he's just sort of. there. they tried to give him his own plotlines and even dreams but it never stuck. he feels like a doll most of the time. even in s1, which was widely rinharu-focused and barely had any other characters have real plotlines unless you count the one (1) episode where they try to teach rei how to swim, makoto was particularly uninteresting and underexplored and developed. like, the other characters might not have had huge importance but at least they had personalities. makoto didn't, really, unless you count "mama henning haru" and "being uwu" as a personality

but my point is: what if makoto got some real writing? what if we explored his character, and his relationship with haru, in a more critical, dimensional way?

makoto is in love with haru, i think that's indisputable. haru isn't in love with makoto, which i also think is indisputable. makoto himself knows that what haru has with rin is special and beyond what makoto and haru have, he says that, he even says that he was jealous of rin. yet he stays. even when rin comes back, and haru and rin become friends again, and it's obvious they're going to be together, makoto stays. he takes care of haru, which is some pretty damn stressful work, and does all this emotional labor for him, and haru barely gives him, like, a smile every once in a while, lmao, and again it's sad. but makoto stays. and - that's an important part to me - it doesn't seem to be because he has any hopes that haru will come around. so why

i think they're stuck in a loop, and that makoto has been in love with haru, and being not only his emotional support, but basically the one thread connecting him with the outside world (while simultaneously enabling him to continue as detached from it as he can, because he's not bringing haru out to the world, he's bringing the world to accommodate haru) for so long, he doesn't really know what else to do. also, he feels guilty about leaving haru to his own devices, even if obviously there's nothing he can do if haru won't help himself. also, he's scared of losing him, because he's been defining himself for his relationship with haru for so long, he doesn't know where else to go

i think that's supported by his relationship with other characters. like i said, makoto is annoyingly kind to everyone (if im not mistaken, the name makoto actually does mean kind) and a MASSIVE pushover. he never goes against anyone's wishes. he never really throws in what he wants. he doesn't really interfere with anyone's plans and ideas, he just sorta makes it happen. he is never annoyed, never has any quirks, is never even like, tired, you know? he lives to please other people, to the point where he has no personality, interests, or wishes beyond that

so, yeah: i think makoto is scared that, if he doesn't please other people, there's nothing else left for him. and in a way, he is right, because i don't think he would know what to do with himself if he had to look into himself and figure out what he wants out of life. so it's easier to follow others and dedicate himself to them. also, fear of loneliness is very valid, even if i dont think any of his friends would actually leave him if he weren't being their damn mom all the time. but they also let it happen, especially haru, because it's convenient, and again, homeboy barely has the energy to go to school, much less help makoto unpack all of that

but if i were writing free!, id want to explore that, because it has so much potential to be a pretty damn rich story, actually. especially as the story progresses, because one effect of rin being back and haru running the whole swimming club and trying to prepare for their race is that haru needs makoto less and less as time goes by. because he has a motivation. he cares about his grades because if he doesn't keep them up he won't be allowed to keep working in the swimming club, he cares about teaching the newbie (the rei i mentioned before) how to swim because otherwise they won't be able to run against rin in the medley race, hell, he reforms the whole entire pool that was abandoned so they have a place to train (with help, but like, he couldnt be bothered with getting up to school before). he even goes back to drawing so he can make pamphlets to attract more people to the club

and then he finds his love for swimming again, especially as a team, competitively. he finds his love for people again, for human interaction, for competition and the thrill of the sport he loves. haru finds his motivation, and he starts putting his life back on track and working towards his goals, and haru is damn capable. and that means that makoto has a lot of free time in his hands now, and haru is slipping through them, and he knows he can't really keep their relationship as he was. and he shouldn't, honestly, and i think that he's, at least, smart enough to know this

and he has a crisis, because again, he's been defining himself through haru for the longest goddamn time, im talking all the way from middle to high school here. and he doesn't know who he is. he doesn't know what he wants. he barely knows what he likes

but he's not alone either, because again, makoto is haru's best friend, and haru does like him and it's not like he's all "i found my purpose with rin now. peace out". his journey was also about finding his whole support system with his friends. through relearning how to swim in a team, he also relearned human connection and friendship. that's one of the many beauties of rinharu. they inspired each other to make their lives better, including in ways that have nothing to do with each other, and they weren't even trying to

so he has haru, but in a now radically different dynamic, and also rei and nagisa (his teammates) and gou (rin's sister and also their trainer) (rin and gou don't go to the same school for some reason). and everyone is going through a similar crisis, because it's the last year of high school. rin obviously has known that he wants to be an athlete since he was a kid, but everyone else's plans are kinda sketchy. makoto just happens to have some extra flavor in that mission - he's not just trying to figure out what he wants to do, but who he is

and fuck if i know how that would develop from there, but id really love to see makoto finding himself, honestly. i want to see his issues being addressed. the only backstory we have for him is that he's afraid of the ocean because he almost drowned at some point? i dont remember. i want to know why the fuck he's been repressing his own needs and personality so hard. i want to know what had him so scared of the world that it was easier to forget about himself and basically live through haru. i want to know what he's going to do to find himself, and the very, very painful journey of looking at himself and his own needs, and, in many ways, his own emptiness, because makoto essentially carved himself hollow. i want makoto to have dimension and depth, and be relatable and not just a dumb shell of uwuness for ppl to swoon over and want to protecc, not even because i like him, but because it could be so interesting. and relatable in so many ways. like, god damn it. if you wanna make him one of the main characters, give him a real plotline!

and i want to see him finding out that his life is better when he's a little more detached from haru and not living in an endless pursuit of a relationship, but having a network of people he loves and that has mutual support. i want to see him getting over haru, not so he can have some other romance with someone else, but so he can grow. makoto basically doesn't grow at all the whole show, and it's sad to watch, especially as everyone else grows so much

[mr007pennyworth]

Jason? Really? He's tried to kill nearly all of you.

"ah yes, I know that, but not me"

He sighs. "He was upset, Bruce, Dick and myself mourned him for a long time but yes allowing the Joker to live angered me as well, he should have taken revenge whether I'd ingrained him to not kill, I take that fault, that's my fault, I should have perhaps gone after the bastard myself, but Bruce at that point refused to let me even go shopping alone...Bruce didn't really 'move on' he simply did as he been taught, cope. He'd not adopted Timothy to be a replacement but Timothy had been obsessed with Batman since before his parents got killed, it was going to be that the boy wanted to be a robin. I was against the whole idea, but I've stopped arguing, it's exhausting. I mean, Jason was nervous in those early days, he was closed off and unpredictable, but he was mine, he was a son and a grandson I could never pick which to have him as, I wish id done more, I look back and think 'fuck Alfred you were such a useless sod, why didn't you do something?' but, I mean look at me, I'm seventy, I've got half a leg missing and I don't cope well off my painkillers, I'm only useful as a butler and advisor these days...we NEVER considered Jason coming back to life, I mean I think I passed out when it eventually hit me that it was true, it's not like he turned up at the door a day later and went 'IM HOME' we found out by word and sighting, Bruce didn't know he was Red hood until...I-I don't know half of the shit went over my head, I've lost track it was all a mess, but he'd been fed lies and all sorts of bull by the time we'd known it was him...it was too late!"

"So yes, Jason, I chose him, because even before and now he looks at me with the affection I hope I showed him, he still shows me respect whether he's angry at the rest of the family or not, he came home to me, he apologized whether he ment it or not, I don't care, he matters to me and always will, they all always will, I carry a gun, Jason carries guns, I don't care, he shoots someone, I don't care, I've killed plenty as a Marines for heaven's sake, I'm not saint, I shot a guy for desertion that was actually innocent, never gotten over that but that's a long story, Bruce is no saint, neither are the rest of them, nobody here has right to hold themselves above another member of this family and never will, Jason is my son, my grandson call him what you will but, he was always be mine and he will always have me, he's kills Bruce, I might have an issue"

"Bruce means a lot to me as much as I think he can be an egotistical, batshit ignoramus at times and I won't lie, I hit him I actually pointed a gun at Bruce when he told me Jason had gotten killed, I was ready to shoot myself, I raised Bruce to be my own son and I curse Thomas out to this day for us finding the stupid cave...it's a mess, but ever since his parents died, nothing was going to be straight was it-I-I think if I had taken him to therapy? I don't know, we wouldn't be here, blame me if you have to, I created Batman I guess. I let Bruce adopt the boys, I let him make them become sidekicks...my Jason should have just come and blamed me, I might have talked him down, not that I'd have been any less blameless-"

"That's why I will always hope to see him, he's my son and I let him down, I can never fix any of what happened, but I can at least give him what he deserves and that is someone to rely on, all of them can, if I can be the one thing he finds safety in this mad city then I will take that, if he walks up to my door tomorrow covered in blood and tired, he'll have a reason and I'll be there and I don't care what you think, if that turns out to be the blood of one of my grandkids, he'll be sorry, he'd never intentionally murder one of my boys and then think he would be able to have me just accept that, he'd know I'd be disappointed, that id be heartbroken, that I might help him but he'd know he'd hurt someone who trusted him to be the BETTER man in this family because I wanted him to be, he's going to be, guns or not, Jason can always be better than all this family combined, I know he can, I trust that he can be, he will be the better man I wanted Bruce to be, I did't manage it. Bruce is his own man now and I can't change him, he'll still be my son. Just as Jason and all of the kids will be, I wouldn't abandon any of them, I need them as much as they need me, he'll be my favourite until I die, I mean-"

He chuckles. "I doubt he'd let Damien take his place, the boys in second after he walked up to me one afternoon with his cat and told me he was named after me....if that isn't the sweetest indirect way to say 'I love you' I don't know what is"

@jp-todd-rp

[dazed--xx]

Alone

REQUEST: *Hi see you mentioned about story requests. I'm having a hard time since I'm currently pregnant and my partner walked out on me, so could you do one when Jungkook where I meet Jungkook and he helps me raise the baby please*

Summary:  “I'm pregnant Jungkook.” the line goes dead silent “look before you say anything, no I wasn’t hiding this from you and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me shit I wouldn’t want to talk to me and move on to someone who is not pregnant and going to be having this type of responsibilities-” “Y/N-”

GENRE: Mild-Angst, Fluff

Member: Jungkook x Pregnant!reader

Word count: 2,132 

A/N: so this is literally my first fanfic ever and i hope you guys like it. and to the person that requested this I wanted to tag you because i did post it but i didnt want to kind of call you out online especially since this was based on something you have personally happening to you, trust me pregnancy is scary let alone having to go it alone so if you need someone to talk to im here btw.. but hopefully you guys like this it was pretty good i wanna post a couple of requests a day since i banged this out as quickly as i did im taking more requests just inbox me or go to my ask let me know if you want your name attached to the request and i will send everyone that i know requested a specific story i will tag and send it to you so you know it is done but without further ado ALONE

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“Where are you going? Do you really expect me to do this alone?” I shouted to the already abandoned house. A swell in my throat rises and I can't breathe. My body shakes as the tears take over. I fall to my knees running my hand over my stomach. “Don’t you worry baby; Daddy will be back he loves you I promise” I say to the life growing within my womb. 

The warmth from the comforter consumes me as I awaken with dried tears in my eyes. My heart aches as I remember the events from the past 12 hours. The thick silence takes hold of my heart and it begins racing. My heart beat sounding as if it is being played on a speaker the size of a skyscraper. Feeling the bile rise in my throat, rushing to the bathroom, I empty out the contents of my stomach. Tears escape my eyes as I reach out to the void. I'm alone truly.  

My first OBGYN appointment rolls around and my heart is in my stomach. The nurse escorts me in, slowly my feet turn into lead as I drag myself onto the cot in the room and lay back facing the monitor. Once I feel that cool gel upon my stomach, my heart settles and the most beautiful BUMP BUMP BUMP is heard throughout the room. My eyes focus on the image in front of me. “well congrats sweetie you're about 10 weeks, Due September 27. Remember no stress and make sure to take your prenatal. We’ll see you next week” My ultrasound technician announces excitedly. I smile anxious as to what I should do next.  

I make my way to a small café after my appointment wanting a small tea to calm my nerves. Looking around the coffee shop I notice quite the crowd and my panic begins to set in. It feels like I can't breathe while the crowds begin to grow as the café reaches the brink of rush. More and More people pour through the door as my anxiety takes over and I feel the bile rising again, I abandon my spot in line trying to make it to the restroom before I release the contents of my stomach all over the café floor. The restroom door becomes the only thing in sight to me as I dash for it. I reach for the handle and the door opens and I slam into a hard chest and soon I am on the floor.

“HOLY CRAP!!! IM SO SORRY I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION” A angelic voice apologized above me. My eyes drift from the floor up to see the most amazing man I've ever seen in my life with his hand out and my voice gets caught in my throat. I stare at him for a while capturing every detail of his face and take his hand. I nod quickly and mutter a fast “Sorry” and dash around the beautiful man and lose myself behind the safety of the door. I was dreading walking back out into the craziness of the café, but excited to see if I could once again get a glimpse of the gorgeous man from before.  

Soon I am back in line and order my tea, when a familiar voice sounds from next to me “You know.... you should let me pay you back for your drink you know...since I hurt you” Shocked I turn my head to see the same beautiful man from before. “Oh, please don’t worry about it I really wasn’t paying attention either it's not a big deal” I smile shyly. “Besides I'm sure you have better things to do with your time than to buy a stranger a drink” He laughs “Honestly, Beautiful, I don’t really have anything to do with my time that doesn’t involve getting to know you” Heat creeps up to my face and I lower my gaze and smile. “I don’t need you to pay me back for my tea for you to be able to get to know me, but unfortunately I gotta go” I say slowly moving past him. “At least let me get your number...please” He asked “You don’t even know my name and you want my number?” “Hey I know what I want and I feel like me knowing your name won't matter much cause I probably won't be calling you anything other than mine” I let out a small giggle “ that was super corny but since you're trying so hard give me your phone” I put my number in his phone and hand it back to him and walk toward the door “By the way my name is Y/N” as I make my exit I hear him shout back “Jungkook!”  

As the weeks pass, I find myself talking more and more to Jungkook. He still hasn’t stopped flirted with me as much as he did that day in the café but we talk everyday about almost everything and I can't help but feel scared to tell him I am having a baby. What would he say? Will he not want to talk to me anymore? Would he not like me as much? A loud RING pulls me out of my thoughts as my phone lights up with Jungkook's name and photo comes up on my screen.  

“Hey, what's up cutie?” He says excitedly  

“Not much, just lying in bed not feeling too good today” I respond pouty  

“Aw, do you need anything? Medicine? I can bring you soup it'll make you feel better I know you said you went out with your friend last night are you hungover?” The worry evident in his voice.

“Um honestly no um I can't drink so I'm definitely not hungover just different I know what it is though I'll be fine” the nervousness in my voice is evident

“what's wrong then beautiful? Is everything okay?” Oh no... not that question. He’s worried and I know he is but I don’t know what to say. I can't stop it the words just rush out of my mouth like the bile I throw up every morning  

“I'm pregnant Jungkook....I'm 14 weeks pregnant” the line goes dead silent “look before you say anything, no I wasn’t hiding this from you and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me shit I wouldn’t want to talk to me and move on to someone who is not pregnant and going to be having this type of responsibilities-” “Y/N-” No listen Kookie cause I really like you and I didn’t mean to keep this from you I was just scared that you would hate me” “Y/N-” “I mean I know you just met me a couple weeks ago and it wouldn’t mean much for you to just walk away from this because let's be honest who wants to deal with that-” “Y/N! JUST STOP AND LISTEN PLEASE!” The words stop flowing as quickly as they began.

“Do you think id stop liking you because of the simple fact that you're pregnant, I mean yeah it does suck that you're going to have someone else's baby but I don’t care about that... WAIT! Is that why your ex left?” I stay silent

“Baby....are you there?” He asks worried.

“Baby girl???”  

“Beautiful are you okay? Hello?”

I sniffle “Yeah I’m here sorry” my voice cracks at every word.

“Baby are you crying? Do you need me to get you anything?”  

“No, I'm fine I promise I'm going to go to bed okay? Goodnight handsome I'll talk to you in the morning” “wait what no I'm com-” I cut him off to end the already overwhelming call. My vision blurs as the tears cascade down my face and I let out a harsh sob. I was scared for nothing or he's just too optimistic. A loud knock on the door grabs my attention.  

“who is it?” fear leaking out in my tone. “Baby it's me open up” I hear Jungkook's melodic voice through the door. Quickly I swing the door open to be greeted with the man I've grown so accustomed to in the past few weeks. Taking in the sight of him my heart begins to race as the tears began to no longer form. He reaches his arms around me and pulls me against him. “Baby girl, why didn’t you tell me sooner? You really thought that would make me just leave. How could I do that when in the past few weeks, you’ve stolen my heart” He looks at me and there's a hunger in his eyes as they shift down to my lips. “aww fuck it” he exclaims as his lips capture mine. His arms wrap around my waits as my hands get lost in his soft midnight hair. After a while he pulls away and a small whimper is released from my mouth. “Do you know HOW long I've wanted to do that” he exclaims excitedly with a smile plastered across his face.

After that night Jungkook never left my side, everything I craved he got, Anytime I felt nauseous Jungkook was there.  It became routine with him his calls became more frequent on days he knew I had appointments and he went to every ultrasound. His excitement for my baby was shown one day when I came home from work and my whole apartment was filled top to bottom with diapers bottles and wipes. Jungkook was still too nervous to buy much because he felt he was taking part of the experience from me and the fact that we still don’t know what the baby is yet. As the date rolls around to the appointment it's all Jungkook can talk about. He wants a girl every five seconds he reminds me it's always “Baby do you think the princess will like me? I mean I want her to know I care and that I love you” which is why he was so heartbroken when he could not make it to the gender reveal appointment because of a last-minute practice session. “Please promise to call me right after you find out okay baby?” He begs sadly before he left for the morning.  

After the appointment my heart swelled with joy as I turned into my driveway to see Jungkook's car sitting there. As soon as I unlocked the door, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and feel kisses peppered up my neck “Hey, Baby how did your appointment go? How are you feeling?” he says in-between kisses. A blush creeps up onto my face “Yeah, it went great baby is a growing good and healthy, so I have to tell you something” I state biting my bottom lip and looking toward the ground.

“Oh god what's wrong? Is our princess okay?” his use of the word our makes my heart skip a beat “OUR? And the baby is fine....” I look at him pointedly and his hand runs through his hair as his face turns beet red as he slowly stutters out “I mean....um... I'm sorry I didn’t mean to just assume that you wanted me involved but it's so hard not to be when I'm so in love with you that I don’t care if I wasn’t the one that got you pregnant that’s my baby and you’re my girl so yeah our.... so, what is you have to tell me?” I kiss him softly at his words. I beam at him “You're literally so amazing I can't believe you would even consider any of this I know it's a lot to ask for someone to be involved with someone who is pregnant and all I appreciate it baby BUT unfortunately it's not a princess we got blessed with, handsome” as I put his hand on my stomach and his face twists into confusion “what do you-WAIT! IT’S A BOY? FORREAL? IT’S A BOY?” the smile cannot be contained on his face as he comes to the realization.

"Yes, it’s a boy” I state as Jungkook lifts and twirls me around I laugh.

Jungkook happily exclaims “Oh my god, I'm gonna have a son.” Jungkook drops to his knees and places his hand on my stomach and softly speaks “Hey handsome, its daddy, no I'm not your real daddy baby but I'm going to love you and your mommy like I am. I can't imagine a world without you I can't wait to meet you”

I stand there smiling knowing.......Jungkook won’t ever leave me alone  

[misterbitches]

This is a personal kinda critique/my thoughts w the show im in my phone in a hotel w my parents in boston and im just rly fucking crazy rn and i cant put a read more link my bad. tagging it just in case cos i have some technical thoughts too but i doubt ppl care. I may delete this. Why is ttumblr for iphone so vad where the eff is the read more jawn.......ANYWAY

my uncle died and it has taken an insane emotional toll on me more than i thought possible. spiraling me i to an episode. when the pandemic began, i remember i was watching 2gether and it gave me solace because i had nothing else. i lost two jobs—one very important for my career—my relationship with my parents is fraught, im 29, and i have to live with them. but when i look back on 2gether, since it was what i was doing a lot at the time bc we could do even less than now, i dont feel a connection i just watched it at the time.

blih may be like this, but my uncle died...the day before it aired. I guess i watched it the next day out of desperation. I just went to check and im crying now. Idk what memories ill have of the show and i hate marking periods of my life by such silly capitalist output but what choice do we have anyway? it was nice because i got to see something mild and sweet.

and i have to say, the mom cameo was really touching. so was director mai. having grief and having a really neglected childhood those two things made me cry. they got his mother’s reaction downpat to losing the love of her life and being a widow—it hit me like a ton of bricks to hear that talk then go to the memorial service snd take care of my cousins and be there for my aunt. Im no one and not a widow but that type of love for a partner and being able to celebrate him abd love him completely forever and not having the memory leave you. It is important to me to see that it is possible. This could lie the rub between BL just for BL sake or like actual shows that are dramas that happen to have different types of ppl and not ignoring their way of life or possibility (“querrness means possibility” - a famous thai auteur named joe)

love is a really beautifl and previous thing and people deserve happiness and respect and to be loved. theres a person who is with you and the people around you and one day they could leave. for whatever reason. should we not try? if not for the emotional buts i think the show would be something people care less avout but that was a draw. and for the first time in so long especially for a BL i thought, “wow, i feel something and i’m having fun.”

it’s hsrd to talk about and personal. i miss him more than life itself. Some days it is so bad. I want to exit the earth and dnot do it anymore. but theres little teeny thngs that make it a bit better to hold on. lol theres so much to do and to be happy with. and so much to fall into despair. id rather watch it go by but i dont want to miss a chance to feel what they feel or loving people around me and finding the love of my life and my calling.

it was nice to wait for something every week that was sort of like a friend and to see a lot of the same problems im facing too. pain of loss and moving on isnt running away i guess. im similar to jyz in the fact that id rather not do it at all to not lose what i never had. i wish i didnt know my uncle, because i wouldnt feel this way but if i never knew him bow could i have loved someone so much and known him? wouldnt that bee a loss? isnt giving up and closing yourself off to force people to come to you because youre scared just as slefish? Dunno.

The show made me think a lot ans it was just perfect timing i guess. it didnt help me run away from my demons but it quelled them for a time and reminded me i could be better too.

Now as an artist with insane abandonment issues i can safely say that production mistakes were a plenty and most egregiously i would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be able to handle the level of stress of having someone that fucking left me back. That would destroy me, when JYZ was upset around him i was and all the signs were about a relaly oppressive difficult person but they introduced him too late. but ironically i saw the patterns of abuse i went/go through w my parents and my distrust meter skyrocketed and because aaron lai is a good actor, it extra hurt. he acted like a small child—the same feelings i was having at that exact week and i felt the force of it. I feel like that was a missed opportunity and i get why but this is what i mean about the feelings they were able to get down. The actors did legwork from the script to their delivery but it alsk means the script wasnt totally atrocious. Ok now im talking in circles.

This is kinda like to my star, a nice show, tranqhil, and sorrowful but eventually just hopeful. Maybe it’s the hopefulness and peace idk. I just wish my life was calm like that but again escapism abd then they hit u with the rela shit and u cant take it

And the little prince....st exupery was an anti fascist so thats good but the whimsy of that book and the beauty of continuing or...the prince knew he was heading first into something he may not make it out of but he did it because why not? Why not go to the fullest? Nothing is set in stone. The prince didn’t understand adults but he didnt have to. He was going through life searching and encountered hardships but still took the chance. He didnt run away.

[soracities]

Hello! Id hate to bother you with trivial questions but I think youre worldly and genuine person and you give great advice. So, if thats okay, Id like to ask your opinion? Im currently in a relationship and I love my girlfriend. But I do feel that maybe, I feel too strongly for her. I worry that it's unhealthy, for either of us. She doesnt seem to think it's a problem, but maybe if she realised the true extent of my feelings for her, she would. Maybe this isnt even a problem. What do you think?

Honestly I genuinely don’t believe there’s such a thing as loving someone too much. Feeling intensely isn’t a problem or necessarily unhealthy; everyone is different and you can’t help how you feel things. More than anything, I think it’s the way you express those feelings and process them that you need to focus on and what will determine whether it’s healthy or not. If you find yourself putting her first, to your own mental, emotional, or physical detriment, that is a problem. If her boundaries and autonomy and her own feelings are being impinged on, that is a problem. But that isn’t down to love--it’s a matter of regulating and being aware of your actions in response to whatever feelings you may have. That’s a separate thing that can always be worked on and improved and it doesn’t mean any relationship you have is doomed just because you feel it all so deeply.

I think you should ask yourself why exactly it is that you’re so worried about how much you love her. Why is it in unhealthy? What are you doing, as a result of your feelings for her, that is making it unhealthy? Are there actual, concrete, problems that have come up between you as a direct result of this, or are you speculating about problems that do not exist and then acting as if they do? I don’t know you or what your worries or history is, but it seems like there may be some underlying insecurities that you need to address because they can very easily cloud your judgement and lead you to see things that aren’t necessarily there, and that will become a problem. Your girlfriend has said it’s not a problem for her, but the way you word it makes it seem to me like you not only don’t believe her, but that you’ve already decided, for the both of you, that there is a problem despite what she has said, or at the very least that there will inevitably be a problem. Perhaps that’s unintentional, or perhaps there is something in it. If there is then I think you need to be careful because this can turn your worries into a self-fulfilling prophecy by leading you to project your worries on to someone else who doesn’t share them. And in doing that you’re not only disregarding the reality of what the other person is giving you, you’re also dismissing them as someone who doesn’t know the truth of what they actually feel. Either they’re lying, or they’re too naive. Either way, they’re not right about their own feelings and how they see you and that can be a very slippery slope you need to be careful with.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being scared or worried. It’s natural and it comes with the territory. But you also need to interrogate that fear and find out where it’s coming from instead of giving it free reign. If your girlfriend has assured you, and there is nothing--outside of your own worries about this--to actually suggest to you that your feelings are unhealthy, that they have actually had a real-life negative impact on your relationship, then you need to trust her. She’s with you for a reason. She loves you for a reason. And they are very real, concrete reasons. We all think that if other people “only knew the truth” then they would abandon us and run for the hills. The reality is that you offer a bit of truth to people in every interaction you have. The thing you fear most, or are the most insecure about, or dislike the most about yourself is not the only truth (and often it’s not a ‘truth’ as such but something magnified to ridiculous proportions depending on how it is that you are looking at it). It’s one of many, many. People who love you are not blind to your faults but they definitely aren’t the only things they see either. They see all the rest too, and they say yes to all of it.

This is very generalised because I don’t want to overstep and I also don’t know you or the exact dynamic of your relationship so there isn’t much more I can say except to really try and pinpoint these worries and address them: what exactly is it you do, and have done that would make all of this too much, rather than what you think it may or may not do in the future, based solely on your own fears. Once you find exactly where these worries stem from, talk to your girlfriend (she may even be able to help you find them), or a professional if you feel you need more clarity or are struggling--they can help you so much more than I can. I don’t know if any of this helps, lovely, but I hope you get something from it. I wish you all the best x

[monstertidbits]

sugimoto/shiraishi?

hi nonnie idk if u meant the ship or the characters so ill answer the ship thingy, sorry if u meant smth else!

When I started shipping them: lets say i saw the potential during chapter 7 and then they kept growing on me, i think after the save shiraishi mini arc i was already super into them

My thoughts: the only ship i truly care abt in gk... theyre good friends, theyre stupid together, and they have a lot of trust in each other that you won't see in most of their other relationships within the series. their relationship grew a lot during the manga, from basically using one another to eventually putting their lives in danger for the other's sake solely because they care so much... shira is my fave so i extra appreciate the way his relationship with sugi (and asirpa) changed him for the better. tl;dr i love them and their friendship so i think they should kiss and stay together like this :)

What makes me happy about them: theyre so fucking dumb!!! they have fun together theyre gross and funny n they really like each other!! there are a lot of things that make me happy abt them since their relationship is very easygoing, which makes me happy in and of itself because... shiraishi just isnt as cold blooded and cruel as 98% of the cast and sorta doesnt fit in all the violence and backstabbing. and sugi... the more you read the more you understand how much he suffers and how close he is to basically abandon any chance of personal redemption for the sake of his loved ones. they both need this kind of relationship, they both need someone they can trust and relax around, and they each helped make the other a little better. it makes me happy that in all this mess they managed to stick together

What makes me sad about them: they havent kissed yet? whats up with that. noda grow some balls (also i feel like they might be a little more similar than it seems in a. sad way. but im not gonna write about their feelings of uselessness, the way they were both thrown into violent environments and how the trauma of that shapes them and draws them to danger they mightve never wanted to be a part of in the past, and how stagnant their lives have been for years because they don't truly think about their wellbeing and wishes)

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: there arent many sugishira fics lol i think i dislike it when writers make sugi ""softer"" and more open with his feelings than he is? its like i read smth and i dont think he would actually say that

Things I look for in fanfic: there are like 20 sugishira fics theres nothing to look for i wish there were a bit more

My wishlist: what does this mean

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i just want them to be happy by the end so i dont rlly care, but id prefer they end up with some random character than with anyone else in the cast lol

My happily ever after for them: they work out their own issues and stay friends.... id be happy if the main trio stays together or at least keeps regular contact

[everyman0]

A PALE BLUE GHOST

over on the discord, i announced my decision to make another trip to the Edge to try my luck at finding any kind of clue that could help me make sense of it. patrick gave me a whole lot of lip about not using his fucking mirror and other bullshit, but ill save that for another post. this is a lot more fresh and painful for me.

going back outside was a mistake.

i journeyed the five hours it took to get to the impenetrable black wall of the Edge. my plan was to walk down its length, survey anything unusual, you know. obviously i wouldnt have been able to observe all of it in one day as ive mentioned the area it covers is rather large, but i felt some effort was better than none at all, and i wasnt exactly comfortable with the idea of spending the night this far away from the house. simple enough right? there was nothing out of place on the way out here, so i hardly expected what i saw just as i approached the wall. 

it was jeff. sort of.

when i first saw him, he appeared almost like a reflection of me in the blackness. as i stepped closer to the wall, so did he step forward as well - until eventually seeming to step out of the wall entirely. we stood face to face, a mere foot apart, and i noticed then that his entire being was tinted with a pale blue.

i was terrified. i wanted to run away, but i couldnt make myself do it. so i asked timidly, "what are you doing here?"

jeff seems to come alive then.

"what? you told me to grab some stuff for the video today."

fucking bastard. i was still scared, but somehow i just knew he was mocking me. i frown, reaffirming my stance. i had to ask myself if jeff would even do such a thing to me...and then i figured yeah, probably - ghost or not.

"dont you dare pull that bullshit on me," i said, "those days are long gone." and they were. 

jeff laughs. "don't you miss it? simpler times." he splays his hands out like an offering. "cant be all that bad to pretend, for a little while."

i squint my eyes at him - both of them. these days i dont bother wearing an eyepatch, since the point was for evans comfort to begin with. now it doesnt matter that i have a gaping fucking hole in my head for all to see.

i ball my fists at my sides. "i dont have time to pretend, and i dont have time for this conversation - so lets get to the point. why are you here?"

"to see my old friend again! and to tell you there's always more than meets the eye." jeff then taps a finger underneath his left eye, and a phantom pain throbs in my own empty socket. i try to ignore it. 

"yeah, no shit," i say, and cross my arms. i was losing my patience. "if you're just going to spout vague nonsense at me like every other motherfucker does on a constant basis, i'm sorry to say but i will have to pass. i have more important things to do."

"like stand in front of this wall and bitch? is that what you're doing here?" jeff grins, and tilts his head at me. i just scoff, and deciding i had enough, i begin trying to do what i came to the wall for in the first place and begin walking parallel to it. jeff follows after me.

"im only bitching because here you are to distract me," i say, side-eyeing him, "so if you don't mind, kindly fuck off."

"i do mind, actually. why do you even want to leave? its paradise in here. no need to eat or drink, perfect climate, no irritating neighbors or awkward staredowns at the grocery store- you'd love it!"

i stop in my tracks. i hate that the sound of his voice is enough to get me to actually consider his words. but i do, and then i say:

"you know, for a while there, i did enjoy it. to an extent, anyways. you can only enjoy so much when you are all too aware of every little fucking thing. and maybe i could have handled the ghost thing, right? like you said, no neighbors or weird interactions. but then i saw this wall, and now i feel like a trapped animal - and im not okay with that."

"so if you couldnt see the wall, it'd be fine?"

i shake my head, "i came out here the first time to see if i could leave, and i wouldve kept walking if there was nothing to stop me. maybe i would have returned, after a while, had i done so. maybe not." i shrug, somewhat frustrated at the thought. "a wall is a wall, whether i can see it or not. seeing isnt the problem, the existence of the thing is."

"well yeah, but you can't just leave." jeff says it like its obvious. in hindsight, maybe it was. i could already imagine a few reasons as to why, but i wanted to pry out what jeff seems to think the answer is.

so i ask, "and why is that?"

jeff answers: "because there's...people, out there? like, innocent fuckin people, dude." well duh.

i roll my eyes, "im aware. but what does that have to do with me, exactly? habit is already somewhere else doing god knows what."

jeff looks on blankly. "we don't need two of you out there."

ouch. and unfortunately, on some level i believe it to be true. and the implication that i would intentionally hurt or even kill anyone like habit would...im sadly all too aware of the likelihood, really. it doesnt hurt because i feel bad, it hurts because i dont. however, i wasnt about to let this guy know that.

i say, "it's not like id be very social anyways. at this point, i dont think i could even stomach it."

jeff takes on a darker sort of air about him. "evidently so, based on how you treated evan. do you have your head screwed on straight, dude? because like, holy shit was that hard to watch."

i tense up, and i can feel a spark of anger rising from within me. guess it didnt matter what i tried to hide, jeff knew what weak points to hit.

"i was just trying to protect him." 

"uh huh," he nods, "sorry vinny, but you're not the guardian in this one."

"clearly," i grumble, "but i was fucking trying, okay?" i was trying. jeff thought otherwise.

"yeah, trying to get everyone killed. thanks for that one, by the way. you've been self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless and horrible to everyone around you that isn't the entity playing games with our lives, and you can't keep pretending it's not true! do some soul searching. meditate. i don't care. but you're not leaving any time soon, so you'd better get used to it." jeff jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger.

it didnt take but a moment to process jeffs words, and ultimately, i agree with him. im a terrible fucking person. i just am. but i wasnt going to give jeff the satisfaction of me fessing up to it - because i felt like all of this was beginning to become unproductive bullshit and i wanted to do what i came all the way out here to do dammit.

i go to smack jeffs hand away from me, but i come to find that i simply pass through him like he was air. i felt the jab, though, even if superficially. this confirms my suspicion about the ghost thing, but jeff was different from the ghosts in the town; like being able to talk and acknowledge my existence.

i take a step back, "we'll see about that. who the fuck made this wall, hm? you of all things must know right? since you are apparently a plethora of knowledge of good and evil now. can you do that much for me jeff?"

jeff considers my words before he turns away from me to face the terrible wall, his hands on his hips, and his head craning back to presumably observe the wall's endless climb into the sky above.

"habit designed this gaudy architecture as part of his grand scheme. you probably could have figured that much, eh? but what you wouldnt know is that its been here since the very beginning, before you even arrived at the house." he looks back at me, "come on vin. you should know by now that habit is well prepared...even if this timeline is bonkers. you shouldnt need me to tell you that."

i grumble in annoyance, but consider his words carefully. sure, maybe i didnt need him to tell me habit was a suspect in all this, and maybe i could have figured that out just by doing what i had originally planned with scouting the perimeter of the wall. but...here jeff was, telling me things outright. it was a convenient time saver really, even if he was going about it in a bitchy way. i needed to take advantage of this.

"so, if habit made this cage to keep me in, why shouldnt i try to break out? why shouldnt i try to fight his subjugation?"

"one, because habit has eons of experience over you and you'll likely fuck something up really badly," jeff says, and turns towards me again. "two, you're part of this place now. removing you would shatter a really delicate balance. the house is a place of fluctuation, because there's not enough power to sustain herself. and you're radiating power, dude. would you really just abandon her like that, after all she's done to keep you safe and alive?"

ouch again...ugh. i dont usually feel guilty over a lot of things, but jeffs second point seemed to get to me.

i relent. i cower my head to stare at the ground. "i wouldnt have left her forever."

jeff gives me a disappointed sigh. "go back home, man. she's really worried about you."

i bite my lip and give the slightest of nods. i still want to do what i can to escape, and i hadnt forgotten about why i came to the wall in the first place...but jeff's words had me thinking about my desires for the house. in truth, the house and i have formed a strange sort of...i dunno, friendship? its the closest human word i can think for it. i would talk to her, she would listen. id even clean up her rooms, even though ive observed that she can do it by herself.

i think she may be the only thing in this world that can understand me now.

so i feel like in some weird way, the house cares about me. she has done quite a few favors for me, after all; favors that kept me safer. jeff was right again, and i couldnt shake the wrongness of abandoning the house enough to continue talking my way out of this bind.

it was time to go then. but first, i look back up at jeff.

"what about you?" i ask, my mood seriously taking a nose dive off a cliff. sad and desperate and pathetic and lonely. "you came all this way from wherever, however you did it, to tell me all this...are you going to leave me now too, just like evan?" fuck. "i wouldn't blame you if you did...but i have to admit, it was nice seeing you again."

and truthfully, it was - despite the treatment i received. its fine. i deserved it.

jeff leans in, and i can feel the pity in his eyes as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"that choice isn't mine to make."

and then he shoves me away from the wall with a force that sends me tumbling across the ground a good few feet. i think it fucked up my shoulder. its fine. deserved that too.

and then i went home.

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