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u-r--lovely · 6 years

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My Story In Seven Chapters: “Underneath The Marks”

Ch.1 Flowery Sheets

Sometimes late at night I’d pretend to fall asleep on the bottom of my mom and dad’s bed just so my dad could carry me in with his strong arms and warm heart. I remember my childhood as an old movie playing on the screen of a projector dropping in and out of my consciousness. Growing up in a large family I was often overlooked, and quiet, so if you could imagine it was easy for me to feel invisible. From a young age I’ve learned to pretend, to disconnect, to venture into a world of my own. I had imaginary friends who were fairies that followed me everywhere. I hid under books, and stuffed animals as my older brother shot up heroin and older sister got drunk in the upstairs attic.Cop cars lights were a common presence in my driveway but I didn’t mind because at least my brothers and sisters would be safe from the drugs that way. On the hard days, I remember the flowery pink sheets I kept myself in, the silhouette of my own hand comforting my soul. I remember holding my bunny tight as my mom sang me Amazing Grace as I fell asleep. I remember begging my brother Jeremy to open the bathroom door when he was shooting up Heroin one time, and the day he stole my babysitting money for drugs. Then, came the day I asked where he was and my mom freaked out because she had forgotten about him and suddenly... he was gone. Actually gone. I was twelve and didn’t know much about death (I mean what twelve year old should), but I knew that he had been sick for a really long time and that he was finally finally free and that made me happy and sad at the same time.

Ch. 2 Scratchy Beards

When my dad told me he got sick with Cancer, I sort of thought it was okay because that meant he’d be at home more. That meant he would actually make us real dinners instead of having hot pockets every night and cold burnt spaghetti. Between the ages of twelve and fifteen I filled my life with making origami, twirling, and writing songs about pretty girls, fairy dust and sunshine. I hated when my dad came to my school because he had to carry around this huge oxygen tank with plastic wires creeping out of his nose, and I pretended I didn’t know him. I still feel bad about that to this day. The most iconic thing about my dad other then him being secretly gay (which I didn’t know about until now), was his scratchy beard and large tattooed forearm. I miss his hugs most of all, maybe that’s why hugging people feels wrong at times--no one’s hugs are quite like his were. My mom and dad left for Europe to seek alternative cancer treatment the last year he was alive. This just so happened to be when my sister got sober. As she was parenting her own baby boy out of wedlock, she also was supposed to be parenting me. In a flash of an instant, me and all my siblings gathered around his hospital bed and sang Amazing Grace to his subconscious mind through the rumbling of the machines keeping him alive. Walking out of the ICU each of us said “see you later’ because we all knew it wasn’t goodbye. I guess, not really. On the Christmas morning before tenth grade, he had left us and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. I had told myself a few days before that if he didn’t call me beautiful one last time, then something just something was wrong with me. I knew exactly how I was going to change that.

Ch. 3 Safety Pins

I forgot to mention, that while my mom was saving my dads life in Europe I had decided to try to change my own, in the only way I knew how. I decided to stop being the good invisible quiet christian girl and become someone who was seen. At the time, I believed I just wanted to make friends, yah know..be a part of something-- but in a desperate need to distract myself from the losses I endured I had to find a way to become alive again. I self harmed for the first time at fifteen and didn’t think much of it, I thought it was cool and something other people in my friend group did. I didn’t know safety pins weren’t all that safe, I didn’t know hurting myself would become an addiction I’d struggle with for the next six years of my life. I thought that if people saw the pain on my body they could hear me asking for help. Even as I hid under long sleeves and smiles and laughter I started to feel the deeply distant darkness pull me away from myself. Even though I thought I didn’t want anyone to know about it, I felt as though I was screaming yet I wouldn’t allow any sound to come out.

Ch. 4 Porcelain Bowls

A few months after my dad died my mom ran off to Florida every weekend with her new but old boyfriend whom she had been with before my dad 30 years earlier. At the cost of losing my dad, and subsequently losing my mom, I found solace in toilet bowls and diet colas. My friends and I had sort of made a game of it, we’d talk about dieting and then talk about feeling bad for giving into the diets and then feel bad for feeling bad. What started off as a game between friends, began to become a dangerous game of Russian roulette. I remember high school as a blur of calories, cheese puffs, and washing my hands in sinks. I kissed boys that I pretended to like behind tennis courts and eventually began treatment for my eating disorder and self harm during my senior year of high school. I got better ( or so I thought), but beneath the perfect recovery girl I created, laid a deep fear of still not being seen, still not being heard.

Ch. 5 False Safety

I went to college and fell in love with a girl I didn’t pretend to love and went to therapy twice a week.This is a time in my life I like to call “False Safety” because although I felt somewhat okay, I was relying on others around me to take care of me, I never learned to do it myself. I ran around college from club to club pretending to be the recovered girl I thought I had to be, but others couldn’t see what was truly underneath. During therapy I was being seen and loved and everything felt okay... but outside of that small room I believed I was alone. I mean, I thought things were better, and they were... yet I continued to run from the pain through self harm. I craved so much attention from my girlfriend that if I did not get to be her world, I felt I couldn’t be with her at all. I was so scared of her leaving me like my mom did, I left her before she got the chance too. Back when I was ten, I waited for hours and hours for my mom to pick me up at camp and as each car passed by and it was not her my disappointment grew deeper. In my adulthood I learned to instead stop waiting for her--or anyone, I decided to run away and never be found because then I wouldn’t have to face being abandoned.

Ch.6 The Pink Room

It was a month or so after the breakup and I hid behind doorways so I wouldn’t have to see her look away from me. I hid in bathrooms during panic attacks and cried into my cereal in the back of the cafeteria. My world stopped when my therapist told me she was moving (leaving me is what I heard). I had completely attached myself to her and I felt that the one person in my life that truly saw me was leaving. Leaving. People are always leaving me I thought. I decided to fill up the hole she left with alcohol in coffee cups and pills and more cuts and more fake smiles and more “recovery” articles and speaking engagements. It wasn’t enough. None of these things were ever really enough. In the week my therapist left me, I decided to get as drunk as I could and pretend to be happy and flirt with boys I didn’t know because that would make everything better right? I didn’t know the boy with black hair was seven years older than me. October 13th October 13th October 13th. I didn’t know he’d be so mean and when the drinking game got out of hand I didn’t have the capability to say yes or no. I didn’t know walking drunkenly into that pink room, he’d hurt me the way he did. It wasn’t rape, but it was terrifying, violent, awfully painful physically and emotionally. He was a giant dog playing with a glass doll and he shattered me into a million pieces, he shattered my fake smile right off my face.

Ch. 7 Letting Love In

From October 2017 to May 2018, everything was a blur. A blur of multiple treatment programs for depression, anxiety, and the sexual assault. The Eating Disorder came back stronger and more powerful than ever and this time I was determined to run as far away as I could from that pink room and from the therapist that left me. After a week in the psych ward I thought I could get better on my own with the eating disorder, I thought that I could control my out-of-control-ness. In February 2018, I told my mom I was going to go to treatment, but would wait until Monday. Suddenly, I had a thought, an urge, a quiet voice in the back of my head telling me to go that Friday instead, which I did. I entered treatment for the millionth time and was quickly rushed to the ER for low potassium. It was late at night and no one in my family was picking up the phone. I was in an unknown ER, half asleep, half dead and I still didn’t feel sick enough. There was an IV stuck in my arm and doctors telling me my levels were life threateningly low and I still didn’t feel like I was ‘that bad’. I don’t know if I’d be alive right now, if God hadn’t told me to go that Friday. He truly saved my life. From that point on, I started listening to that quiet voice. A month or so of running from God, one suicide attempt and many family therapy sessions later I decided to go to Selah House. I finally decided to give up the demons that had become my identity. I decided to let love in again. I decided that I could only be free if I let myself be. I could only get better on God’s terms. I know now that I had to fight the ED, Depression, Self harm, PTSD, Anxiety, and Addiction with God by my side only. I know now that what went on in that pink room was not my fault, and I don’t have to be ashamed of it or put blame on myself in any way. Here at Selah is where I’ve found hope. Here, I’ve found healing. Here, I’ve found love. Love between God, others and myself. I know now that it was never actually about the food, the numbers, or the marks. I know that I have a future, a future of helping others heal in the same ways I did. A future full of laughter, crying, heartache, touch, and love. All of my life has really been what’s in between. In between moments of exhale, of tears running down my face, of dad hugs, and Real smiles. These things are all a part of my story but they are not at the core of who I really am. My life was never meant to be a sad story because I’m not that girl anymore. I am healing, I am tough skin made of scars, I am endless nights crying and glorious mornings shining like nothing bad has ever happened. I am becoming free, becoming Real and I have so much yet to learn about the spaces in between.

#recovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #tw #sexualassault #sexualassaulttriggerwarning #gracie #graciewrites #poems #poetry #grxcie #memoir #underneaththemarks #mystory #writing #writer #mymemoir

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paddysnuffles · 7 years

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yes hello you said you did the reading to your self diagnosis and im gonna ask what did you read bc i think i may be autistic too

Hi! The research I did was really extensive as it was for a major project for my science, technology, and medical information class during my Master’s (Library and Info Science). The project was to make a user-friendly starter guide on a topic of our choice, so here are the resources I ended up using:

Is There Really an Autism Epidemic? (by Hal Arkowitz & Scott O. Lilienfeld, Scientific American, 2012)

The article discusses the possible meanings of the drastic change—within the short span of a decade—from the long-held ratio of 1:2,500 people with ASD to one of 1:166, suggesting that better understanding of ASD (and thus better ability to diagnose it) is likely to account for most of the increase. This is a great educational tool on understanding why autism is reported to be on the rise and why the current data on rising prevalence is rather misleading.

How to Think About the Risk of Autism (by Sam Wang, The New York Times, 2104)

An extensive yet approachable look at what the science says about the causes of autism and how to estimate the chances of a person having ASD. The article offers a comparison between how much emphasis the scientific community puts on each probable cause and how the media covers the subject. Genetic research can often be hard to follow even when simplified, so this could be a valuable introduction to the subject.

Survey: One in five believe vaccine causes autism (by Carly Weeks, The Globe and Mail, 2015)The article shows the effects of 18 years of false information fed to the public as science by Andrew Wakefield, starting with his 1998 paper on how vaccines are to blame for the existence of autism (which has been repeatedly disproven) to the 2016 propaganda film Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe. An important issue with serious public health implications.

Steve Silberman on autism and ‘neurodiversity’ (by Emma Teitel, Maclean’s, 2015)

An interview with Steve Silberman, who delved into the history of ASD to prove that the belief that “autism is a historical aberration of the modern world” is not actually correct. It offers an insightful explanation about what neurodiversity is, and serves as a great companion to the essay Mental Disorder or Neurodiversity? included in the topic-specific list.

Autism spectrum has no clear cut-off point, research suggests (by Nicola Davis, The Guardian, 2016)

This story reports the findings of a study that showed that the genes involved in the genesis of autism are connected to an individual’s social skills regardless of them exhibiting symptoms of ASD, “suggesting that “the autism spectrum has no clear cut-off point.” In other words, all individuals could be put within a scale for autistic traits and placed anywhere between the most severely impaired people on one end and the easy-going, social butterflies on the opposite end. The article provides a biological basis that could inform some of the discussion presented in other articles on the suitability of labelling less severe cases as a “disability” rather than a difference.

Autism spectrum disorders in the DSM-V: Better or worse than the DSM-IV? by Lorna Wing, Judith Gould, and Christopher Gillberg—–An overview of the changes brought by DSM-V by removing the category of Pervasive Developmental Disorders and replacing them with Autism Spectrum Disorder, as well as a discussion about the positive and negative aspects of the new criteria. Considering that the changes brought by the new edition of the DSM is one of the most important developments in the area, this article provides a much-needed discussion on the very definition of ASDs. Note: One of the beliefs professed in the article - that autistics cannot feel empathy - has recently been disproven; for details on that see Brewer & Murphy in the referenced works section)

Evidence-Based Practices for Children, Youth, and Young Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Comprehensive Review by Connie Wong, Samuel L. Odom, et al.—–A look at the current practices for ASD therapy to help children learn coping mechanisms, hone their fine motor function abilities, and other interventions found to be effective through different research projects. This essay will be helpful for an understanding of the therapies and techniques available for families affected by ASD.

Does the different presentation of Asperger syndrome in girls affect their problem areas and chances of diagnosis and support? by Elizabeth Hughes—–The article discusses the differences in how ASD presents itself in females versus males, comparing the diagnostic tools available for ASD and doctor’s perceptions of what ASD looks like in order to determine whether more males tend to be diagnosed with ASD than females due to actual biological differences in prevalence or because of gender bias imbued within the diagnostic tools. In addition to addressing an important issue surrounding ASD, this article also helps with the understanding of the range of symptoms and level of severity ASD can be manifested.

The Ever-Changing Social Perception of Autism Spectrum Disorder in the United States by Danielle N. Martin—Providing a historical perspective on the evolution of the understanding and acceptance (or lack thereof) toward ASD from a social and medical standpoint, this article looks at how past perceptions have shaped the modern stigma toward this disorder. This thesis paper—which was awarded the Michael F. Bassman Honors Thesis Award from the East Carolina University—will helps readers to familiarize themselves with how stigma against ASD manifests itself.

A Minority Group by Charlotte Stace—–Slang and terminology related to ASD are explored from the perspective of the ASD community, offering a unique insight into how the community views itself as well as how it views outsiders. It provides an interesting mirror image to the previous article, which is focused on the point of view of those not living with ASD.

Mental Disorder or Neurodiversity? by Aaron Rothstein—–The author discusses whether differences in how the brain deals with sensory input (such as in ASD, ADHD, and dyslexia) should qualify as “disorders” or whether they are variations on the brain’s “wiring” that helps with our species survival by providing certain individuals with an ability to problem-solve in ways that most people can’t. The emergence of this debate within the community—which is rapidly gaining prominence in media outlets—makes this paper an important read for those interested in a more holistic view of ASD.

Major sources of information (publications)

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 5th edition (DSM-V): Although not a source solely focused on ASD (which comprises a relatively small part of the overall publication), it is nevertheless considered to be one of the key sources of information for professionals trying to determine whether a patient might be on the spectrum.

Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders: The leading peer-reviewed, scholarly periodical about ASD and other closely related disorders; published monthly.

Autism Spectrum Digest: A monthly digital magazine centered around topics of interest to members of the ASD community and their families, such as helpful apps, current news related to ASD, legal/human rights issues, etc.

Electronic resources

Autistic Self-Advocacy Network: An advocacy group about ASD, for autistics and by autistics, which promotes programs, offers a resource library, and provides a source for news relating to the ASD community from an ASD perspective.

Research Autism: A UK organization whose focus is research of interventions in autism, as well as provide objective evaluations of the scientific evidence behind each. It also offers a number of useful resources, such as a database of publications relating to ASD, links to apps developed for people with ASD, and information on legislations and policies relevant to people with ASD.

Authorities

Hans Asperger: Hans Asperger played an important role in the history of Autism Spectrum Disorder. He was one of the first scientists to identify ASD, and the first to theorize that ASD is something that affects a person throughout their whole life rather than only through childhood as Leo Keller claimed (Sole-Smith, 2014). Asperger’s Syndrome, one of the most-known variations of ASD, was named after him (Asperger’s Syndrome, n.d.).

Temple Grandin: Though her formal education deals with animal caregiving, Dr. Grandin is nevertheless seen as a leading authority on autism by both the ASD community and researchers alike. She is recognized as one of the first advocates for autism to actually have autism, and her insights into how autistic people experience the world were instrumental in bringing awareness and some degree of acceptance to ASD. Dr. Grandin has been profiled by the New Yorker, interviewed in NPR and the New York Times, was the subject of a photo essay for Time magazine and was listed in the 2010 Time 100 list in the "Heroes" category (Flatow, 2006; Goldman, 2013; Slaby, 2009; Hauser, 2010). She has written a number of books on Autism, has received honorary degrees from several universities, and was awarded a Double Helix Medal (Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory, 2011; Grandin, 2016).

Key issues

"Neuro-diverse" versus “disabled”: There is surging controversy about whether milder forms of ASD should be considered disorders/disabilities or only a version of how the brain can function (like having a Mac vs a PC - they’re different, but it doesn’t mean one is faulty). A major reason behind this movement is that, as Dr. Grandin explains in her TED Talk, autistics might be worse than most people at some things, but they’re more skilled at others, like breaking down complex systems and understanding how they work (Grandin, 2010). Also in favour of this theory is the fact that those “on the spectrum” often enter professional fields in the area of their special interests and become experts on the subject (Grandin, 2010).

Prevalence of ASD in Women: A number of studies have shown that the signs doctors look for when diagnosing ASD are mainly those that manifest in males, meaning that women are often undiagnosed or misdiagnosed, with some doctors going so far as saying that “women can’t have Asperger’s” even when faced with a classic case according to current diagnosis definitions (Hughes, 2014). There is a slowly growing movement to fix this, but as of yet little has been on an official capacity other than studies repeatedly finding that a drastic change needs to be implemented.

Vaccines and Autism: A major issue related to autism and ASD is the widespread belief among the general population that vaccines can be to blame for a child’s autism. The problem started nearly two decades ago, with propaganda disguised as science by Andrew Wakefield that was widely spread through the internet and general media outlets. To this day, despite definitive proof to the contrary by a number of research findings, 20% of Canadians still believe that there is a link, while another 20% aren’t sure about it (Weeks). As a result, a number of parents started to refrain from giving their children vaccines, with serious consequences such as illnesses like measles having made a deadly comeback to the country (Weeks).

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). DSM V. American Psychiatric Association.

American Psychiatric Association. (2015). DSM V Update. American Psychiatric Association.

Arkowitz, H., & Lilienfeld, S. O. (2012, August 1). Is There Really an Autism Epidemic? Scientific American. Retrieved from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-there-really-an-autism-epidemic/

Asperger’s Syndrome. (n.d.). In Merriam-Webster. Retrieved from

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Asperger's%20syndrome

Autism Spectrum Digest. (2016). Autism Spectrum Digest. Retrieved from http://asdigest.com.

Autistic Self Advocacy Network. (2016). Autistic Self Advocacy Network. Retrieved from http://autisticadvocacy.org/

Bradley, E., Caldwell, P., & Underwood, L. (2013). Autism Spectrum Disorder. In J. McCarthy & E. Tsakanikos (Ed.), Handbook of Psychopathology in Intellectual Disability: Research, Practice, and Policy (pp. 237–264).

Brewer, R., & Murphy, J. (2016, July). People with Autism Can Read Emotions, Feel Empathy. Spectrum. Retrieved from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-with-autism-can-read-emotions-feel-empathy1/

Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory. (2011). Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory honors stars of science and sports at sixth annual gala. Retrieved from http://www.cshl.edu/news-a-features/cold-spring-harbor-laboratory-honors-stars-of-science-and-sports-at-sixth-annual-gala.html

Davis, N. (2016, March 21). Autism spectrum has no clear cut-off point, research suggests. The Guardian [London]. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/mar/21/autism-spectrum-has-no-clear-cut-off-point-research-suggests-nature-genetics

Dichter, G. S. (2012). Functional magnetic resonance imaging of autism spectrum disorders. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 14(3), 319–351. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3513685/

Flatow, I. (Host). (2006, January 20). A Conversation with Temple Grandin [Television series episode]. In Talk of the Nation. National Public Radio.

Foster, R. (2014). Does the Equality Act 2010 ensure equality for individuals with Asperger syndrome in the legal arena?: A survey of recent UK case law Autonomy, the Critical Journal of Interdisciplinary Autism Studies, 1(4). Retrieved from

http://www.larry-arnold.net/Autonomy/index.php/autonomy/article/view/AR16

Fuentes, J., Bakare, M., Munir, K., Aguayo, P., Gaddour, N., & Öner, Ö. (2014). Developmental Disorders - Autism Spectrum Disorder. In J. M. Rey (Ed.), IACAPAP e-Textbook of Child and Adolescent Mental Health (p. C.2 1–35). Geneva: International Association for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Allied Professions.

Goldman, A. (2013, April 12). Temple Grandin on Autism, Death, Celibacy and Cows. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/14/magazine/temple-grandin-on-autism-death-celibacy-and-cows.html?_r=0

Grandin, T. (2010, February). Temple Grandin: The world needs all kinds of minds. [Video file]. Retrieved from

https://www.ted.com/talks/temple_grandin_the_world_needs_all_kinds_of_minds?language=en#t-157979

Grandin, T. (2016). Temple Grandin Professional Resumé. Retrieved from http://www.grandin.com/professional.resume.html

Hauser, M. (2010, April 29). The 2010 TIME 100. Time. Retrieved from http://content.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1984685_1984949_1985222,00.html

Hughes, E. (2014). Does the different presentation of Asperger syndrome in girls affect their problem areas and chances of diagnosis and support? Autonomy, the Critical Journal of Interdisciplinary Autism Studies, 1(4). Retrieved from http://www.larry-arnold.net/Autonomy/index.php/autonomy/article/view/AR17

Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Retrieved from

http://link.springer.com/journal/10803

Martin D. N. (2012) The ever changing social perception of autism spectrum disorders in the United States. Honors Thesis, East Carolina University. Retrieved from http://uncw.edu/csurf/Explorations/documents/DanielleMartin.pdf

Medical Library Association. (2016). Medical subject headings (MeSH).

Research Autism. (n.d.). Research Autism. Retrieved from http://researchautism.net/

Rothstein, A. (2012). Mental Disorder or Neurodiversity? The New Atlantis, 36. Retrieved from http://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/mental-disorder-or-neurodiversity

Slaby, M. (2009). The Perspectives of Temple Grandin. Time. Retrieved from

http://content.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1985143,00.html

Sole-Smith, V. (2014). The History of Autism. Parents. Retrieved from http://www.parents.com/health/autism/history-of-autism/

Stace, C. (2014). A Minority Group. Autonomy, the Critical Journal of Interdisciplinary Autism Studies, 1(3). Retrieved from http://www.larry-arnold.net/Autonomy/index.php/autonomy/article/view/AR13

Teitel, E. (2015, August 25). Steve Silberman on autism and ‘neurodiversity’. MacLean's. Retrieved from http://www.macleans.ca/society/science/steve-silberman-on-autism-and-the-neurodiversity-movement/

Tonge,B., & Brereton, A. DSM-5 Autism Spectrum Disorder Fact Sheet. Retrieved from

http://www.timeforafuture.com.au/factsheets/CDPP%20Factsheet%201.%20DSM%205%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorder.pdf

Wang, J. (2014, March 29). How to Think About the Risk of Autism. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/30/opinion/sunday/how-to-think-about-the-risk-of-autism.html?_r=1

Weeks, C. (2015, February 6). Survey: One in five believe vaccine causes autism. The Globe and Mail [Toronto]. Retrieved from http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/survey-finds-one-in-five-people-believe-measles-vaccines-cause-autism/article22851493/

Wing, L., Gould, J., & Gillberg, C. (2011). Autism spectrum disorders in the DSM-V: better or worse than the DSM-IV?. Research in developmental disabilities, 32(2), 768-773. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0891422210002647

Wong, C., Odom, S. L., Hume, K. A., Cox, A. W., Fettig, A., Kucharczyk, S., ... & Schultz, T. R. (2015). Evidence-based practices for children, youth, and young adults with autism spectrum disorder: A comprehensive review.Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 45(7), 1951-1966. Retrieved from http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-014-2351-z

World Health Organization. (1994). International classification of diseases (ICD).

Further Resources

Autism Women’s Network

Interactive Autism Network

Simons Foundation Autism Research Initiative (SFARI)

The official site for a research program funded by the Simons Foundation, which focuses on all aspects of autism research

Doctor Temple Grandin’s Site

Dr. Grandin’s site on autism. It has some of her writings on the subject as well as information on conference appearances.

ResearchGate Discussion Forum

A discussion page on ResearchGate on academic papers regarding ASD stigma. You can also search the overall discussion forum for other ASD-related discussions by academics.

Parents miss signs of autism in their daughters by Emily Anthes (Spectrum, 2016)

A study finds that parents of girls with autism are significantly less likely than those of boys to voice concerns about their child’s social behaviour.

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Though mostly useful to familiarize oneself with ASD culture, members of the ASD community also post links to news and resources (usually with commentary on their perspective on the matter). Tags of interest: #asd, #actuallyautistic, #stimming, #aspielife

Stigma and the “Othering” of Autism by Lynne Soraya (Psychology Today, April 1, 2012)

An Aspie’s perspective on the stigma surrounding autism and what it means to support an autistic child.

Autism Speaks, But Not For Autistics by Dane La Born (The Free Weekly, April 6 2016)

An autistic’s perspective on the lesser-known controversy surrounding Autism Speaks, the #1 autism charity in the world.

Ce que signifient les étapes du développement chez un enfant autiste by Kathleen O’Grady (Huffington Post Quebec, 2016)

The Autism Speaks Controversy by Brianne McDunnough (Reporter Magazine, 2014)

Where Autism Got The Right Treatment In 2015 by Emily Willingham (Forbes, 2015)

Proteins that spark learning may play key part in autism by Ann Griswold (Spectrum, 2016)

Autism Spectrum Disorder Linked to Mutations in Some Mitochondria by (Neuroscience News, 2016)

Autism gene needed for growth of neurons during gestation by Jessica Wright (Spectrum, 2016)

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asexualmew · 7 years

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Learning Disabled and How The American Public School System Failed Me

Arc I - Special Ed

Okay, so I’m learning disabled. The earliest age they can actually test for that sort of thing, with the exception of speech tests which was done much earlier, was in 2nd grade, but it was apparent before then, too. I was put into multiple Special Ed type classes.

Alphaphonics

Some English class? Different from Alphaphonics?

A Math class

Speech therapy

Apart from speech therapy that I had started when I was 2 years old and continued to sometime at the end of 4th grade when I finally graduated, these classes felt...

Pointless.

I mean, there was definitely a need for special education, but the way my elementary school went about it, it felt absolutely useless. I can’t even remember doing any work in my English class. I remember once the teacher read to us a book, and another time the teachers wanted to see if glasses with tinted colours could help me read better, but for the most part, this “English” class was just used as a free time for us kids. We’d just hang out and play lots of games.

Alphaphonics was particularly awful due to its repetition, and it wasn’t until I was an adult trying to explain to my friend how redundant and awful it was that I discovered that it really was a bullshit class, in the sense that it was a ciriculum made by an ableist man that went around trying to sell off this bullshit to schools and not many schools took the bait, but mine did. Every single day from 2nd grade to the end of elementary school, we spent the mornings cycling through flashcards, “U. Umbrella. OO. Book. OO. Moon.” Etc. Every day. For years.

And then the math class... That class did do something. Just. Not efficiently enough, I think.

Now, before I go on in this story, I want to stress that at this time I was a lawful-good goody-goody-tooshoos that was afraid of breaking a single rule in class. I was also nearly a straight A student, with a couple of B’s hanging out here or there. Thinking about that annoying teachers pet in elementary school? Good, that was me.

Okay well, this math class, this special ed class, it was patronizing as all get out! We were so behind the regular class and where they were in math. And it wasn’t because we weren’t doing well or learning the material, it’s because the teacher kept kiddy gloves on while teaching us, constantly, and she kept us behind. We’d be working on work sheets with subtraction of larger numbers, and all of us at my table would make a 100% on it... but meanwhile, at that very moment, the regular math class, the students were already on basic division.

And this was upsetting. Especially given just how often you have to be told by the grown ups around you that “You’re not stupid! You’re just special! You’re.. you’re GIFTED!” when you know that you’re just being told this to placate you, and you feel worlds behind all the “normal kids”. It doesn’t mean anything to be told that you’re not stupid, when you’re taught that grades represent your worth as a child, and you’re not even being taught the same things as the other kids your age. Being “gifted” means literally nothing when you know there’s no worth to those words.

So, being a typically quiet child who always raises their hand to speak in class and who always does the “right thing”, one day I just snapped.

Arc II - Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!

I stood on the table and yelled at my special ed teachers in that math class. How DARE they treat us like we’re stupid! WE’RE NOT STUPID! We’re smart just like everyone else! We already learned this stuff months ago!! But you don’t let us move on to the next thing! We’re NOT STUPID! WE’RE NOT STUPID! STOP TREATING US LIKE WE’RE STUPID! I wanna learn what everyone else is learning! WE’RE NOT STUPID!

All of the other kids in class cheered and wooted, but the head teacher in that class was livid. I know she tried her best to make sure we didn’t feel stupid, with words like “gifted” and all that, but actions were louder than words, and I wasn’t very remorseful to her hard work. She asked me if I wanted to leave Special Ed. If I wanted to be dumped in normal class. She told me I’d fail. That I would want to come back. But I was determined, and my pride was hurt, and I wanted to be treated normal. So, she arranged it so that I was no longer in Special Ed for math. (Where was my mom in all this? I forget!)

It was 5th grade and I was very much so behind the regular class. I was given no bridge to prepare me for division. I mean, I eventually learned multiplication and division, and, my poor teacher tried to help me all she could but, I was already beginning to fall like a rock. I went from getting consistent A’s to consistent F’s. I was heartbroken.

This is when I first discovered my perfectionist tendencies, and, also, the first time those tendencies began to ruin my life. Because I couldn’t do it. And I gave up. I stopped doing my homework, first in math, then in everything. I tried what I could in class, but I never reached high. I just... gave up and quit. But I refused to go back to special ed. I’d prefer to fail on my own.

Arc III - Conspiracy

Finally, 7th grade. Middle school. I was gonna start a new here! I wouldn’t be bullied, I wouldn’t be a failure, I would do my best! Clean slate!

Well. The principle of this middle school approached me at some point. “I noticed in your papers that you were in special ed in elementary school, but then you got out? Would you like to be listed as learning disabled to make school here a little easier for you?”

Honestly, I didn’t know what that would mean, how it would be “easier”, but I knew is that I wanted nothing to do with that! I didn’t want that! I wanted to get far far away from being treated differently because of how my brain was wired. I had already been treated differently my entire life for it, and the way I was treated differently wasn’t very fun. I was scared. And prideful! I refused.

I had no idea that refusing this offer would start a little war in the school between the staff and my mom and me.

After that my grades started getting mysteriously lowered. Homework that I turned in was getting marked as “missing”. I was being sabotaged. The school kept calling in my mom to talk to her, to tell her how poor I’m doing, and try to get her to agree to have me set as Learning Disabled but, she actually respected my wishes to be free of that label. I tried to tell her, too, that “No! I really did do the work, Mom!” but she doubted me a lot. I don’t blame her.

And then, one day, my history teacher had messed up. He returned a test that we had done, all graded and everything, and I had made like, a B or something. But later, when I saw my progress report, the grade that was entered into the computer was significantly lower.

I had proof.

I showed it to my mom and she got pissed. She started showing up at the school every day to try and get them to fess up and to stop treating me this way. Meanwhile, the principle would hound me down in the halls between classes, or when I was trying to go home, to tell me how terrible I am at school and how I needed to sign up as learning disabled.

One day, in first period, I was thinking about my mom and the teachers, and all of a sudden I started breathing really hard and I couldn’t stop. It disrupted the class and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was hyperventilating for the first time. My first panic attack before many, many more in the near and far future.

Arc IV - It All Comes Down To Money

My homeroom teacher asked me what I was thinking of, I said “Mom!” and he told me to stop thinking about it, and had the student sitting next to me walk to the nurse.

My homeroom teacher called my mom and told her to meet him after school. There, he confessed everything. He admitted that the principle was threatening all of their jobs over this. That they had meetings about how to deal with me and how to deal with my mom separately. How they were told to lie about my grades, and then tell me to my face that I really was a bad student so that I may believe them. All because the government pays more money to a public school that has learning disabled students. The more learning disabled students, the more money the school gets. And I guess when I got pulled out of special ed in elementary school, that’s how my teacher had done it, by removing me off of the list for learning disabled. I don’t understand honestly, but what I do understand, was that my principle was specifically targeting and hurting me out of greed.

After my teacher finished up explaining all of this, he said he wasn’t going to take part in it anymore, and that when the school year ends, he was going to move back to Russia and teach there, again. I really appreciated that he came forward with this at risk of his job, and that he couldn’t stand to watch this happen anymore.

I had several more panic attacks after this, including after being chased to by the principle whom, when she made it to the car I got in to go home, when the window was rolled down she stuck her head in just to continue telling me how poor of a student I was.

But it didn’t matter. Now that we knew what was going on, we would fix it.

And Mom pulled me out in that first semester and home schooled me for the rest of my middle school days.

Arc V - But the damage had been done

That was elementary school and middle school. I was sent back to public school for high school because my mom felt there were so many missed opportunities if I stayed home schooled, things she couldn’t teach me, and interactions I’d never have. I was doing very well being taught one-on-one and I learned years worth of material per semester. But- high school had art class... sooooooo.....

Unfortunately though, I just couldn’t do as well in a public setting, and I started slipping through the cracks again. It’s incredibly disheartening to know that you were the only one who cared about your German class, and you were also the only one who failed it, for example. It wasn’t that long after, when I started making all F’s and C’s again (there aren’t D’s in Texas) that I was approached and was given the offer again.

“If we label you as learning disabled, then you’ll need less credits to graduate with and you’ll be given more time during tests.”

And for everything I worked for to be cleared of that, for everything my mom did to protect me from this, I took the offer, and then continued to fail in school, but now properly as a learning disabled kid.

I had already forgotten how to do well in school, after all. And whenever I tried, and I failed, I’d just continue to fail cause I’d give up like the perfectionist I became after leaving special ed.

Public school just really isn’t designed for people like me, which is why people with some of my disabilities have such a high ratio of dropping out of school. We’re set up for failure from our early years. Even if I hadn’t left special ed, what do you think happened to all the kids int here that were behind that were being dropped in schools that didn’t have those classes? I don’t know. I mean, I can’t justify it. Like, even if I say “It’s my fault for leaving special ed”, I was also a kid. Like, 10 years old! It shouldn’t be my fault for wanting to be treated like a normal human being and doing everything in my power for that result.

I could also say it’s my fault for just not trying hard enough, but, I also can’t justify saying that, either! Heh. Cause my behavior was very much so learned.

Anyway, I graduated by the skin of my teeth through a computer remedial class and that’s better than what my mom had and I feel really fortunate for graduating at all.

#Ableism #Learning disabled #School #Abuse #Long post #Text heavy

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dearlazerbunny · 7 years

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Aureate

Pairings: None

Genre/Warnings: None

Word Count: ~11,500

- Summary: Goldie and her brother are about to pull off the biggest theft in modern history: a sliver of vibranium from Captain America’s shield.

Note: Chapter 12 of 12 + Epilogue. Click HERE for the Epilogue!

I try to breathe. No one is forcing me this time. It’s okay. But I’m tired, and I need something easy- something precious. Not as commonplace as steel. Steel is well and good but it’s so dense it’s exhausting sometimes.

I try to level my gaze at Stark, though I can’t quite look him in the eyes. “Don’t freak out.”

His eyes immediately widen. “Don’t freak out? If you touch me I swear to God I will-”

“I’m not going to touch you.” My voice is flat, not the razor edge I wanted. I close my eyes, feeling for the bracelet he has wrapped around his right wrist. I can’t quite identify what’s in it, but its buzzing is driving me crazy. Titanium, maybe. With something in it to keep it light.

Slowly, so he won’t notice, I begin sawing a fingernail against my palm in tiny motions, back and forth. I can feel it begin to give, and I will it to be more pliable, almost fluid like water as it slips from his sleeve and slithers across the table to me like something alive. It stops, and I pick it up and bend it around my wrist so it hardens back into shape.

Stark grabs his wrist, hard. It reminds me too much of the manacles, and I flinch. Focus. If you do this right, they’ll all be safe. “What the fuck do you think you’re doi-”

Steve holds a hand out, silencing him. He’s still watching me, obviously fascinated. His blue eyes sparkle like Maddie’s when she’s found something beautiful. It takes me a moment to find the activation plate- my fingers fumble for it- but I find it eventually with my ring finger, and smooth red plating glides over my forearm like a dream. It’s beautifully made, ending with a repulsor in my palm that sparks like I’m holding a star.

Tony is talking now, something angry, so I need to hurry. And I don’t want to accidentally set this thing off. I focus on the image I have of the Iron Man suit from TV- flying through the air, rolling gracefully to the ground, waving to the crowd. Then I reach into the gauntlet and pull.

The metal expands, and extends, folding its way up my arm and over my shoulder, down my back. I shiver at the touch of it. Cold. But I keep going, letting it engulf me until I am standing in a perfect replica of his suit, down to the gold faceplate. I can see myself in the reflection of the one way glass that walls the conference room. I can also see Steve and Tony with equally shocked expressions as I experiment with flexing my shoulders, lifting a knee. It is incredibly light, though it doesn’t have wiring or anything else to actually power it. It’s a shell. But a damn impressive one. I can’t help but feel a little spark of pride somewhere in the pit of my stomach.

Slowly, I let it fall away, melting into nothing but a little pile of ashes at my feet. Only the armpiece is left, and I deactivate it, calmly walking over to Stark and holding it out to him. “You’ll probably have to weld that back together or something. Sorry.”

He takes it wordlessly, staring at the tech like he’s seeing it for the first time. Jordie is visibly white. “Where… how did you do that? You’ve never… done anything like that.” “I had some practice.” I try not to let my voice crack when I say that. He looks at me in horror and I wonder just how much of my confession they let him hear.

I turn to Coulson who STILL has a neutral expression goddamn it. “Is that enough? To relocate them or something? Because Maddie and mom, they didn’t have anything to do with this, and Benny can’t even talk yet, and Jordie-” I look at him. He’s collapsed into a seat next to me like he’s made of sand. “Jordie deserves a lot better.” I put on my best negotiation face. “So what can you do for them?”

“You act like you’re not going with them.” Steve sounds sad.

I shake my head. “I’m dangerous. I can’t. You guys can do what you want with me, I guess.” Preferably not have Tony Stark tear me to pieces, but…

“I’ll see what we can do for you.” The Agent rises from his seat and leaves, Stark following in his footsteps, muttering about stupid ten year old thinks she’s a goddamn superhero-

I’m so, so tired.

The door closes. Steve is still here, but I’m past caring why. I just put my head in my arms, letting myself slump onto the table. I vaguely wondered if they’d put me back into that hospital bed. At least then nobody could interrogate me.

“What… did they-” I can hear Jordie’s voice shaking. “What happened, Goldie?”

“They didn’t tell you?”

I take his silence as a no. I lift my head and set my chin down on my folded forearms. “Maybe I’ll tell you someday.” He nods, accepting that vague promise.

Steve still looks sad. His face tells me he heard every single word.

===========================================================

It’s over a month before I’m finally released from SHIELD’s medical unit. Most of it was spent sleeping, trying to save up strength for the afternoon physical therapy sessions they scheduled for me. Working muscles back into place, putting stretch into others that had lost their elasticity. It was hell, but sometimes they let me play around. Supervised, obviously. My favorite was still Agent Coulson. It became a game- what could I do that would actually get a visible reaction out of him?

And then there was Steve. He came and visited me a lot, especially once I was usually conscious for most of the day. The first time he just apologized for Tony Stark a lot. I called him a dick and Steve had laughed and said yeah, pretty much, but you warm up to him, and then we sat in comfortable silence until whatever they put in my IV made me fall asleep again.

Sometimes he’d sit with me when I was asleep, except I wasn’t really asleep. But I’d just lay there with my eyes closed and he’d tell me stories about shit going down in the tower they all live in together. Apparently Hawkeye is a big prankster, and Tony Stark is really just an overgrown child who likes to play with a sentient toaster. It was nice.

I see him again, when my bag is packed and I’m waiting for an agent to escort me out to a car. They said everyone had been moved to a new house a few states away, in a heavy SHIELD-presence area, and I was finally going out to meet them. Goodby steel gray walls and hospital food. I’m still tired, a lot. And I haven’t done my… thing since that day in the conference room. But still. I missed Benny, and Mom, and even Maddie and her crazy science shit. And Jordie.

“Figured I’d escort you out.” Steve greets me with an easy smile, and I find that its easy to smile back. He’s kept his word, he never seemed mad at me for everything that’s happened. He’s been an actual friend throughout all this. I hope I’ve been one to him. “Need a hand?”

He carries my bag, even though it’s light, and leads me down corridors of black-clad agents. “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty okay. Two days ago I tried to do a backflip in therapy and Coulson actually jumped, so I’m going to count that as solidly satisfactory.”

The Captain chuckles, slinging my duffel over his shoulder. “And about the deal?”

The deal. I’d called Jordie and Mom a few nights ago and read it out loud to them, piece by piece, and we all talked about it. But really, it wasn’t a choice. They were giving us a house, a stipend, school, protection if we needed it- I signed it three hours after they told me to think about it. “Good. For the most part.” I glance at him. “Except it looks like I’m gonna be stuck with you for a lot longer. Sucks.”

“Harsh.” There isn’t any edge behind his words. He stops in front of a big black car with tinted windows. It looks like it might be armored. The thought scares me a little- are they expecting something to happen?

“Hey.” I look at him. He offers me my stuff and gives me another sunny smile. “You’re gonna be fine. You’ve made a lot of progress. And we’ll only be a call away.”

“If I call, please do not bring Tony.” I open the car door to the sound of his laugh and climb in, using the door to boost myself up. I’m reluctant to close it, so Steve does it for me. He gives the car a reassuring pat and it starts to move off towards- well. I don’t know really. I guess I’ll find out.

A/N: Toasterverse reference, woo!

#fanfic #marvel #avengers #original character #steve rogers #Tony stark #phil coulson #superpowers #marvel fanfiction #marvel fandom #marvel fic #avengers fic #avengers fandom #avengers fanfiction

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alwaysabeautifullife · 8 years

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(Abuse, ableism tw) Yesterday I visited a preschool Portia's therapists and the public education system want to put her in. Portia receives services because of her developmental disabilities. It's a program that's a part of public education and even infants can qualify. Before yesterday, it seemed her therapists only concern was making sure she was developmentally up to date physically, and educationally (think fine and gross motor skills, speech etc). The preschool was-my realization. The preschool was full of kids that had various disabilities all on the "socially disabled" spectrum. Children were given directions in a "fun" manner around a circle and were literally forced to participle. Even if you didn't want to. Physical redirection was used. That means children not looking at the teacher would had their heads physically turned towards them. Children who weren't doing the arm movements for the dance correctly had their wrists grabbed and were forced to do the movements. Forced high fives. Forced everything. Absolutely no child had a choice for participation. It was do it or someone will grab your body and do it for you. One child, a nonverbal autistic child, at the table where they were given instructions to glue hearts on a valentines box, had a stick of glue held in front of him by a therapist. She had a hold of his wrists as he kept reaching for it. "What is it. No. What is it." She repeated over and over as he whimpered and reached for the glue to participate. This went on for about 15 minutes. He also endured one on one ABA from the teacher using a reward only method (praise) for following instructions and making eye contact. A child had a tantrum and was held down. I asked how a child having a melt down was usually handled. They said that it depended on the child. She seemed to avoid my question but told me that she had "lotion" that she would have them rub on their hands in front of the class and called it "calming lotion." I saw a child being held tightly in a therapists legs for not crossing his legs and bouncing them. I asked what the purpose of the class was, my therapist explained this class was meant for "social therapy", by forced participation. This program is paid for and supported by the education district. Never mind that restraining a child, forcing a child to do something, allowing an adult access to a children's body with no choice for the child, and forced socialization and physical contact (forced high fives as an example) are all inappropriate and I would personally define that as abuse. But what's important is all of this therapy is not scientifically to be successful. It's...non effective, it does nothing but create children who believe they must follow orders (for participation, social activity etc) by an adult, allow anyone to touch their body with no ability to say no, and allow to be physically redirected by that adult for not meeting the demand. In what way is this educating children socially? How come in a regular classroom this is abuse but in a class with a bunch of disabled kids it's therapeutic? I'm just...I'm really irritated and disappointed that stuff like this is funded by the education system. Im not sure if I should even mention this. But when you are an abused child initially you fight back. Sometimes that fighting back lasts a week, sometimes months, sometimes years. Eventually you reach this point where you stop fighting and your brain shuts down and you go blank, almost like you separate from your body and don't reject it. Sometimes something twitches inside from time to time to fight back, but you actually end up fighting the urge to defend yourself rather than stopping the abuse. That's the look I saw on the kids faces. They were made to hold up dolls with happy faces "I'm happy today" because they are being conditioned to just ACCEPT what is happening to them. I am planning on pulling Portia completely from the entire program. She's never been to that classroom and never will, but the moment they believe she isn't socially "fit" and needs to be in some sort of conditioning class to make her appear normal, is the moment it doesn't benefit her. Let's be real for a minute: the autistic brain cannot be hard wired, it cannot be cured. This is because we still don't fully understand what autism is. You can certainly force and autistic person to look and seem like an autistic person, and autistic adults who have experienced this sort of "conditioning" all have PTSD and more. I literally do not ever care if Portia doesn't act "normal" socially. I don't care if she doesn't look people in the eyes and I DEFINITELY do not care that she doesn't want to touch anyone or let anyone touch her. I don't care if she doesn't want friends or if she likes people. I don't care if she lines up her toys when she plays with them. I don't expect a man without legs to run a marathon and I don't expect Portia to be this social butterfly or become a politician or something. She's content with who she is and society has the obligation to accept her the way they except a deaf person and sign language. I'm just feeling very irritated. It's 2017 and there was a whole room full of children enduring therapy that doesn't actually work and scientifically has absolutely ZERO grounds to be used in an education system. I feel like it's 1940 and they want to treat some house wife's depression with electroshock therapy or some gay mans sexual attraction by giving him female hormones. If I don't speak out against it then 10, 20, 30 years later it will still be there. It will still happen. Can you just pray for me, the work that's required to pull her out...it isn't going to be easy. I'm going to look like the crazy paranoid mother. In a lot of ways because of her disability she's basically forced to be state educated. As crazy as this sounds I'm so scared of her being forced to go to public school I've thought about leaving the country. Ive personally witnessed so so much abuse in the schools towards autistic children...I just can't accept it.

#should I even post #autistic #autism #abuse #public school #ABA

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kkinse · 5 years

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on wanting

ive thrown myself into a real bad loop the last month. it peaked after my first therapy session in 5 years.

ive had a lot of bad episodes the last couple of months. and not just bad because i have a girlfriend who will notice how bad it is, instead of just me - really truly bad, because it would go on for about a week before i calmed down. lots of nights where i went to bed at 10pm only to sleep at 2am because i cant stop crying

a lot of what ive cried about has to do with soemthing i keep circling back to: the pain and glory of wanting things. i want so many things i dont think i have, or should have, or should get. i want things because other people want them or have them. i want things because i simply want them, but think it a waste of time for me to try and get what i want. so i suffer because i forbid myself from wanting things. the evaluation of whether i deserve something or not, and whether i already have what i want, is heavily distorted, and thats something im working on, but not the issue im talking about.

most of what i want is what a 5 year old would want. a very selfish, spoiled 5 year old who hasnt grasped the concept of selflessness, abundance, and independence. thinking about what i want makes me feel ashamed, because theyre either things other people already have, or seem to get so easily, or something people tell me i already have but i cant see at all that i do. this is a hard thing to read, let alone write. i feel selfish and confusing. but the crux is understanding how i must change what value i attribute to the things i want - because that is where my pain comes from.

im attempting, without judgment, to list what i want here, everything ive wanted in the last couple of months, some ive wanted for years:

to have a close group of friends

to be loved and cared for by many

to not feel lonely

to freely do what i want

to be responsible for myself, my cats, and my things only

to be beautiful and charming

to be stronger and mentally resilient

to be a kind and good person

when i write it down like this, similar to when i tell my girlfriend about it, all of these sound so simple and easy. how could i be in pain wanting any of this? whats the big deal about wanting any of these things?

i know my pain comes from my distorted thinking. i dont think i have anyone i can trust and rely on apart from my partner. not my family, not any of my friends. i dont consider many of my friends “friends”. i know its because i have ridiculous standards for who i consider my friends. i know the reaosn im hard to love and like is because im so distant, and when anyone gets close to me i lash out, and im always flaming with anger, and my tongue is always too sharp. im bristly, but i get hurt that people dont want to be close to me as i want them to. i want people to be close to me but i dont communicate it, because i feel ashamed and selfish, and because i also think that people shouldnt get close to me, for their own good. i want to be beautiful and charming because i am simply not. it brings me pain because in my head, i am alone and i am lonely because i am not beautiful or charming. in my head, my fantasy is becoming a loveable, popular person, because then i would never be alone. there would always be someone with me and vying for my attention. i would always be showered with praise and love and care and protection. the same reason i want to be stronger, and wiser, because then people can come to me and trust me to look after them. because right now i cant. i only take and take and take from them: time and attention. i dont know how to give back. anything i give back is not good enough. i will never be kind or good, because i am fundamentally an evil person. i am shameless and selfish and only always think of myself. my brain tells me i only ever want people who can give me things, and if they cant, then they wont be important to me. my braint ells me i only use people, and this is why i should remain alone, because its better for everyone. my brain tells me no matter how much i teach myself how to be good, i wont, because being a bad, selfish, evil, greedy person is in my dna. im wired like this. the just thing to do is to keep myself away from people to minimise hurt.

the matter is not whether that paragraph is true or based on evidence. thats something im working on with my therapist. finding evidence to what is the case. thats not the matter right now.

the matter is that, everything i wrote above, no matter how true or untrue, is how i feel. it is my reality. i can deny it and work towards changing my reality. but if ive accepted that this is my world, i feel deeply in my heart that no matter what i do to change and improve myself, my world will remain the same. i will remain the same.

i am not smart enough to come up with a remedy for myself. i can only come up with relief. and what ive accepted to be relief in the most just and compassionate way is to accept that that is my reality, and thats alright. that i should not want more than what i have, because it is futile to want more. if i ever want anything, i should want for other people, or want things that would benefit other people. if i want for myself, it will only end in grief and disappointment. i will end up crying again and humiliating myself. i must want good things, and just things. i need to stop thinking that my life isnt worth living just because i dont get the freedom i want. i need to be okay with my life if it stays the way it is - where i feel alone, so so alone and lonely, and that i have no one to turn to, except for my girlfriend, if i am in pain. i need to be okay and functional that i do not depend on my girlfriend. i need to accept that i could be like this my whole life, no matter how much i try to change, and i need to be okay with it.s o i dont get disappointed.

it doesnt mean to stop trying, or to stop improving. its just htat, contrary to what most people say about people with mental health problems - its easier, and better, to be motivated to get better for the sake of others instead of yourself. if i want for my sake, im letting people down, and i will let myself down in the end.

#txt #long post

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armyhealth9-blog · 5 years

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Episode 405 - Robb and Nicki Q&A #9

We're back with Q&A #9 with Robb and Nicki.

Remember to submit your own questions for Robb and Nicki to answer on a future show here: https://robbwolf.com/contact/submit-a-question-for-the-podcast/

Show Notes:

1. [2:06] Kidney Stones

Krisztian says: I've been mostly Paleo for about 5 years now based on one of your piror books. Overall, it has worked well for me, with one exception. I started to develop kidney stones on a regular basis. I finally had them analyzed and they turned out to be calcium oxalate stones. Upon reading up on this condition, it stems from a high amount of oxalate in the diet. Unfortunatley, most of the foods I liked on Paleo happen to be super high in oxalate... spinach, nuts, seeds, dark chocolate, sweet potatoes. The other wammy here is that I was initially avoiding dairy on Paleo which turns out to be worse for stones because one way to counteract high oxalate intake is to match it with high calcium to avoid stone formation. I've since gone back to eating plenty of cheese and high fat dairy in my diet.

I'm curious if this is a common issue that you've seen and I'm wondering if this is something that might be helped by going to a keto diet.

2. [5:33] Sugar addiction Kathryn says: Hey Robb, I am really hoping you can give me some insight into why I can't seem to fully recover from sugar addiction. I have had a sweet tooth my whole life, but in recent years I have learned that I have a true addiction to sugar. In the last four years or so, I have studied a lot of nutrition, functional medicine and ancestral health perspectives and gone on a strict paleo diet for months at a time. In almost every way, a clean diet of whole foods makes me feel amazing (better sleep, clearer skin, joints and movement feels better, etc.), except, I become very depressed. It's not a mopey, weepy kind of depressed, it's literally a depression of all feeling, like I feel very little at all. But I do sometimes feel really, really irritable, or sometimes bouts of rage that don’t match the situations they arise in. But most of the time, I just feel blah. I thought this would go away after a couple of weeks or even a month or two of eating clean, but it didn't. In happy or exciting moments, it was like I just couldn't feel those emotions fully. I also noticed that I didn't crack jokes like I usually do or feel like being social. All my feelings were dulled. Even sad ones. And when I did fall off the diet, and eat sugar, I immediately felt cheerful again. To me, it seems that the years of sugar abuse have altered my brain enough that without sugar, I can't feel normal emotions anymore. So my question is concerning healing my brain. Is it possible to reverse these effects? The longest I have gone on a strict paleo diet is three months. I admit it was hard to keep going when I just didn't see myself ever feeling happy again. If it's possible to heal my brain and increase its capacity for proper dopamine signaling again, are there certain therapies or supplements that can precipitate and accelerate that healing? Perhaps I am ignorant of some other factor or mechanism at work here. I would be grateful for any insight or help you can give. Thanks for the incredible work you do to bring to light the truth about human health and nutrition.

Notes:

Carb 22: https://carbsyndrome.com/nutraceuticals-new/

STEM Talk Episode 69 (David LeMay): https://www.ihmc.us/stemtalk/episode-69/

3. [11:32] Metabolic Flexibility and Weight Loss/Maintenance Julia says: Robb and Nicki, I am very interested in the concept of metabolic flexibility and eagerly waiting to hear your upcoming lecture on this topic. Intuitively it makes sense that given variation in season and climate that humans would have relied on a menu of macronutrient combinations. My question is: how can developing metabolic flexibility be used as tool for weight loss/maintenance? I have been about 90% ketogenic for the past 28 months; the other 10% would be high carb meals which I have allowed as a metabolically flexible person. I can swing in and out of ketosis with ease; however, I have noticed that if I go through periods of higher carb, it does result in weight gain which is tough to lose even when reentering ketosis. I do crossfit almost daily and practice the 18:6 IF schedule, and I don't notice either of those things affecting my performance. Thanks!

4. [16:31] Low afternoon energy

Laura says: Hi Robb and Nicki, Thank you both for all you do! I've been a huge fan since 2010 and admire your relentless pursuit of the truth when it comes to health and nutrition.

My question is about my extremely low energy in the early afternoons. I know it is a common complaint, but I feel like I've done everything I can to fix the common mistakes that lead to the afternoon slump, and I also feel like my exhaustion is too extreme to be normal for my age and health status.

I'm 32 years old, I eat low carbish (75-100g most days), have toyed with keto, eat mostly paleo with the addition of some dairy and occasional non gluten grains. I do crossfit 3x/week and spend most of my time chasing my 2 year old around. My sleep is good most of the time, and I do not have any major life stressors that effect me currently. No diagnosed health conditions, no rx meds.

I had bloodwork done recently, and my doctor was very impressed with the results, especially my blood lipids. A1c was 4.8, C-reactive protein 0.8, no thyroid antibodies present. Fasting blood sugar 78. The only things that were slightly out of range were homocysteine (slightly low at 4.6), Uric acid low at 2.4, serum iron slightly high at 148, and my free T3 was a little low at 2.5. Another Doctor years ago prescribed me naturethroid but I never took it.

Ive tried changing my diet in every way imaginable to try to combat a possible hypoglycemic or food sensitivity related slump after lunch. I've eliminated various foods that people can be sensitive to,and ive even tried more carbs in the morning, but that leads to blood sugar imbalance and cravings all day. As a result, my breakfasts and lunches would fall under the keto umbrella, as I feel better when I eat carbs later in the day.

The only thing that seems to slightly help is not eating at all, but I just get so hungry! My activity level is fairly high and I don't feel like I'm a great candidate for intermittent fasting at this point.

My mom, who has had MS for about 30 years, does not eat all day and only eats dinner because she's says eating makes her tired. I just can't handle not eating at all, and I do feel fatigued and hypoglycemic if I try to skip meals.

Thanks for reading and for all you do!!

5. [23:08] Carb test and ketosis

Carl says: Hey Robb,

I read Wired to Eat while I was pretty deep into a ketotic cycle, so I didn't immediately get to the 7-day carb test. Years of self-experimentation have led me to a relatively low carb (<50g/day) Paleo diet with an occasional 48 hour fast, an occasional ketotic cycle, and a very occasional carb re-feed. Genetic testing revealed some SNPs that predispose me to insulin resistance, and others that positively affect my fat metabolism, reinforcing the fact that I look, feel, and perform better eating in this fashion. I do enjoy my occasional carb binges, so I'd like to perform the carb test in order to whittle my food selections down to those least damaging to my metabolism; but I'm concerned that my postprandial blood glucose readings will be skewed upward because I don't regularly eat more than ten or fifteen grams of effective carbs at a time. Should I bring my daily and per-meal carb intake up for a certain period of time before starting the carb test, or is a 50 gram bolus of carbs small enough to give me a true measure of glucose tolerance for the purpose of food selection? Thanks in advance.

6. [27:30] Creativity and Writing Process

Peter says: Robb,

I hope all is well. I'm a big fan of the Podcast and excited about the Q & A return. I have a two-parter both within the same general idea.

FIRSTLY: I'm a writer and I am alway curious about how others approach the creative process. I was curious if you could elaborate on how you approach writing and creativity in regards to balancing an active lifestyle? And how a typical day when writing might look.

For example -- Do you do things like meditate? What time of the day do you write? Where do you write? If you write in the morning how do you reconcile with hanging outside first thing in the morning to get some sun? If you do Jujutsu around noon and roll for 2 hours how do you write around it? You've mentioned eating big meals in the morning, if you're in a heavy writing period, is this a habit you stick with? Oh by the way, you have a wife and kids... how do you balance it all?

Do you still do caffeine? Do you force yourself to take breaks during writing? How do you avoid sitting for 5/6 hours straight?

Sorry for all the questions, I've just been thinking about this a lot lately as I enter into a career pursuing my passion as a writer while trying to balance and prioritize my health. As I am sure you can attest, writing can be all consuming if you let it and setting boundaries is vital -- though difficult, especially if you're in "the zone." So I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[33:18] SECONDLY: I'd love to get your thoughts on the mechanisms at play when writing or doing anything else that requires intense mental focus in regards to willpower. Correct me if I am wrong, but it feels like for me, many aspects of writing and maintaining a healthy lifestyle (choosing healthy food over shitty stuff, hitting the gym, walking, etc.) can drain from the same willpower tank (if not just psychologically, and physically -- physiologically as well). This isn't to say that both can't exist -- rather does one need to be given priority based on ordering of events throughout the day?

For example, I feel my creativity comes to me first thing in the morning. If I were to wake up and hit a Metcon first thing, I feel my creativity gets depleted from the shared willpower tank. I feel this to be true with little things that chip away at my early morning start time as well. For example, taking the time to make a big healthy breakfast, sitting in the sun, even a short walk, all delay me tapping into when I feel I am creatively primed -- but is it worth the sacrifice of my health?

I was curious if you have any thoughts on when or how you prioritize creativity. Or maybe this is all just a bunch of bullshit like Robert Rodriguez says -- and our creativity is totally out of our control.

Anyways, love the show and everything you do. If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.

Regards, Peter

Source: http://robbwolf.libsyn.com/episode-405-robb-and-nicki-qa-9

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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chocolate-brownies · 6 years

Text

“I Tried 40 Days of Yoga, Meditating, and Chanting at 3 a.m. Every Morning”

“I Tried 40 Days of Yoga, Meditating, and Chanting at 3 a.m. Every Morning”:

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

One early morning last November, my doorman, Jose, who usually says it like it is, took one look at me and said, “What happened to you? You used to look sexy. Now you look like you never sleep anymore.”

His statement stung. I wanted to say, “Well I don’t sleep anymore. Not since I started Sadhana.” But then I’d have to explain what Sadhana meant. And why do I have to justify how I look? So, I said nothing.

But it was true. I was barely sleeping, and the dark circles under my eyes, chronic yawning, and 10 extra pounds I’d put on in a matter of just a few weeks were all byproducts of my commitment to complete 40 days of Kundalini Aquarian morning Sadhana.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

For about a year prior to starting Sadhana—which involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days—I’d seen Facebook ads for it. Several friends swore by its benefits, and I’d read many articles about its transformative powers, such as increased energy, mental clarity, and a plethora of blessings. Many spiritual paths have a practice of getting up before sunrise to pray. That special time is called Amrit Vela, which translates as the Nectar of God. When you give two and a half hours to a spiritual source, your entire day is covered with blessings. And who doesn’t want more blessings?

For years I’d been trying to finish writing a book, create an online program, and get into shape—but I lacked self-commitment and follow through. In Sanskrit, Sadhana literally means accomplishing something. I wanted to strengthen my commitment to both my spiritual practice and word to myself. I’ve never been an early riser, so I told myself, If I can wake up at 3 a.m. for the divine, I can do anything!

For the next 40 days, I woke up at 2:30 a.m., put on my white clothes and head covering, and drove to a yoga studio where I practiced yoga, sang songs to my soul, and chanted Aquarian mantras. I tried to go to sleep each night no later than 8 p.m. each night to attempt at least five or six hours of shut-eye. But no matter how many hot baths I took, Chamomile teas I drank, or minutes I spent breathing through my left nostril to relax, I couldn’t fall asleep until it was time to wake up again.

For the first week, I was very enthusiastic and surprised by how little sleep I needed to function. But then, somewhere around day eight, I came home after Sadhana and passed out until noon, which only messed up my circadian rhythm further. As my levels of exhaustion increased, so did my weight. I wondered how the other yogis in the room were doing it. Some of them were on day 50, 60, 90 and even 240. I was assured that if I could get enough sleep, I would be OK.

According to our Sadhana group leader, the secret to a successful Sadhana was getting enough sleep. I’d never had difficulty falling asleep before. But I’d also never woken before 7:30 am, and my nerves were keeping me up.

Somewhere around day 20, my very traditional Russian father called to tell me that he and my mother were worried. They’d recently seen my photos of me on Facebook and asked why I looked so exhausted, bloated, and pale. I was too tired to explain that I had signed up for a sacred practice meant to elevate my soul (and what that meant). Instead, I tagged him on the Facebook live Sadhana page so he could see what I was up to. The following night he called me and said, “Your mother and I saw the video. Are you in a cult? All those people in white look like mental patients.”

Was I really back here again, having another conversation like this with my parents? Some 10 years ago, I came out of the closet as a Feng Shui consultant. My parents wished it was just a phase, lied to their friends that I was an interior designer, and insisted that spirituality is for people that don’t want to work.

See also “Something Happens as I Continue to Chant…”

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

On day 30, I went to see a medical intuitive who told me that I was suffering from liver insomnia and severe adrenal fatigue. I had no idea that our livers wake up around 4 a.m. Which meant that when I was getting up to do yoga so early, it was really hard on my liver. I already had mild symptoms of adrenal fatigue before starting Sadhana and didn’t know that feeling wired and tired were the hallmarks of that condition. It explained why I was having so much trouble falling asleep.

I reached out to a friend who’s a Kundalini yoga instructor to tell her that I was going to quit because I couldn’t take it anymore, and she urged me not to. “Everything that’s coming up for you is coming up for healing and clearing,” she told me. Translation for spiritual neophytes? “Your moodiness, liver issues, obsession with weight, and needing other people’s approval was probably always there, and now you’re ready to deal with it.”

I thought I’d dealt with all of that years ago—at least the obsession with weight and needing others’ approval. But the onion has many layers. And maybe Sadhana was fast-tracking the peeling of mine.

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

I began to wonder if I’m just a masochist and maybe what I really need is to get back into therapy. Then, I reminded myself that I am a therapist. In fact, I’m actually a spiritual psychotherapist and should know by now if something is good for me.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

At the end of the 40 days, a few things happened. First, I felt satisfied that I was able to finish what I started. Next, I finally got a good night’s rest. Then, I spent hundreds of dollars on herbal tinctures and vitamins meant to restore my liver and adrenals. A few small blessings did arrive. I finally found an incredible illustrator for my book and a week later, two of the wellness hotels in Miami Beach where I really wanted to teach finally came through with proposals. Overall, the experience was a mixed bag.

While unfortunate, I don’t think we—as a culture—are equipped to support someone embarking on a 40-day adventure that may cause little or no sleep. Especially if that someone has lots of responsibilities. I think it would’ve been easier, and I could’ve treated the practice with more reverence, had I been on retreat or on an ashram somewhere. But we don’t all have the luxury of going away for a month. I know I don’t.

Forty days of so little sleep would be hard on anyone, regardless of the spiritual path they were on. My advice: If you want to start 40 days of Kundalini Aquarian morning Sadhana, please get your adrenals tested first. Make sure your life supports the potentially crazy sleep schedule, and that you have lots of time to rest and contemplate the process.

Also, listen to your body. If you feel like it’s getting to be too much, don’t turn to this all-too-common default: “Exhaustion? Oh, it’s probably just my negative mind trying to sabotage me.” There’s nothing enlightened about wearing yourself down to become more spiritual.

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

0 notes

cedarrrun · 6 years

Link

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

See also "Something Happens as I Continue to Chant..."

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

I reached out to a friend who’s a Kundalini yoga instructor to tell her that I was going to quit because I couldn't take it anymore, and she urged me not to. “Everything that's coming up for you is coming up for healing and clearing,” she told me. Translation for spiritual neophytes? “Your moodiness, liver issues, obsession with weight, and needing other people’s approval was probably always there, and now you’re ready to deal with it.”

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

Also, listen to your body. If you feel like it’s getting to be too much, don't turn to this all-too-common default: “Exhaustion? Oh, it’s probably just my negative mind trying to sabotage me.” There’s nothing enlightened about wearing yourself down to become more spiritual.

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

krisiunicornio · 6 years

Link

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

See also "Something Happens as I Continue to Chant..."

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

vitamindripstherapy · 6 years

Text

DOES IT WORK? The Vitamin Drip

Most people who know me, know I’m a bit of a health geek – if I’m not grazing my way to health every day, I’m probably talking about it so when I was invited to try a vitamin infusion – where you’re hooked up to a drip for an intravenous intake of vitamins, directly into the blood stream – I was certainly curious.

Flashbacks of Madonna, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Geri Halliwell flaunting signs of jab activity a few years ago came rushing back. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect and, as always, had my gimmick-cynic radar firmly switched on when I arrived at the central London location.

What is a vitamin infusion?

The Infusion Clinic was where I met Geeta Sidhu-Robb and her enthusiastic Nurse Director, Faith Cole, who has been administering vitamin infusions for over ten years.

‘Infusions bypass the digestive system which can generally inhibit uptake of nutrients. Absorption of nutrients via food or supplements largely depends on the quality of food or product and what condition gut and liver health is in to absorb the nutrients. Infusions are effective because 100 per cent of the nutrients go directly into the blood stream,’ explains Geeta.

Trays of vegetarian-vegan canapés and Nosh Detox cold-pressed, raw smoothies and juices are part of Geeta’s home food service but now it’s IV infusions that deliver a health boost to her clients.

She explains that tinctures and liquids offer a vast improvement in absorption rates over pills but says IV infusions top the table for absorption. I must admit I used to be a supplement enthusiast, rattling around for the latest wonder pill but became disheartened by the possibility the gut may not be absorbing the optimum amount. Now, I regularly reach for a morning tincture (current favourite is Viridian Organic Digestive Elixir) and luckily this gets Geeta’s thumbs up.

The experience

The procedure involved a medical history, consultation, blood pressure and heart rate check. From the treatment menu I choose the ‘Fitamin’ – a saline blend of 2000mg of vitamin C, all the Bs, as well as magnesium, calcium, zinc and selenium and several other vital nutrients. For a health geek, that sounded rather enticing.

As I laid back and relaxed in the comfy chair the nurse popped the needle into my arm and I felt the tiniest of pinches – is was just like having a blood test. Luckily I’m not squeamish or afraid of needles but nurse Faith’s informal and lively manner helped calm my nerves.

For the next 30 minutes, I watched the bag of vitamin mix literally flow into my system. I felt an unusual fuzziness at first, mainly around the arm area, but the endless supply of Nosh Detox drinks and food conveniently distracted me. I chatted, ate and discussed the benefits of this treatment that is rumoured to hit the mainstream via IV spas, bars and clincs within the next few years.

What are the different infusion options?

Infusions can contain a single vitamin such as vit-C or B12 or a cocktail mix that might suit different health needs.

At Nosh Detox there is Viva-Forever, a short 5-minute vitamin-B shot delivered via an injection in the bottom. This treatment is on the basic end of the scale (costing £99) and is said to be an energizing pick-me-up during periods of stress.

At the other end of the spectrum is Pic ‘n’ Mix, aimed at supporting weight and hormonal issues and is more costly (£450). Geeta recommends weekly treatments for four to six weeks, followed by monthly top ups. It’s also possible to have one-off appointments as and when is needed.

Excessive stress or illness is cited as common reasons for investing in this treatment as the surge of antioxidants and essential nutrients can help strengthen the body back to health. Some experts say providing minerals and nutrients this way can also benefit sufferers of mal-absorption and digestive issues.

What difference did it make?

For the rest of the day I enjoyed a bounce in my step but I felt the real difference around midnight when I was still full of energy and wired awake. The next morning I woke up instantly and felt alert; this feeling of buoyant energy lasted for about a week.

I had this treatment earlier this year and haven’t had one since so it’s hard to predict what benefits I’d experience from regular treatments. The price tag isn’t cheap, especially when a course of treatment is required; but it’s possibly something I’d consider paying for if I was recovering from illness to give my body a helping hand.

If money was no object, I’d love to use it as a seasonal boost (my acupuncturist suggests the best time to detox is in spring or in autumn so it could tie in perfectly that way) but for now, it seems like was just a little taster of another person’s life.

Expert comment

Dr. Nigma Talib (healthydoc.com), gives her expert opinion on IV vitamin infusions:

– Yes it makes sense the the absorption is higher, because if vitamins are taken orally they have to go through the digestive system and be broken down by the gut which slows the process down.

– Additionally, 50 per cent of people have poor absorption, so this type of treatment may work for them.

– It is hard to say what the exact absorption will be, and may not be exactly 100 per cent because everyone has a different metabolism and the body is able to ‘chuck out’ the vitamins it doesn’t need.

– Potential risks might include a feeling of dizziness afterwards due to low blood sugar or low blood pressure, but as long as you eat beforehand and have a snack afterwards to help with blood sugar levels you should be okay.

What do you think of a vitamin infusion? Would you have it done?

This article "DOES IT WORK? The Vitamin Drip" was seen first on Healthista by Yanar Alkayat

Know more about the benefits of iv vitamin therapy and how it can help you achieve optimum health. The IV Lounge is a highly recommended drip clinic in Toronto. Go check them out at www.theivlounge.ca

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spookyenemyperson-blog · 6 years

Text

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if you get term insurance for 10 years, can you get your money after 10 yearrs even if you didn't diie?""

Is There A Way Of Finding Insurance Prices Without Owning A Car In The First Place?

Ok ill explain it better here. I'm after a car but i will need to know how much the insurance is for different cars. So for example if i wanted a car in insurance group 2, could i find out how much that specific car and insurance group would be for me? I know there's go-compare and all the other comparison websites but they are expecting you already have the car and just need to insure it. I need to know the prices before i get a car so i know i will have enough! Help please? Cheers""

Nice cars with out the insurance?

first off what is the difference between a normal cars insurance and a luxurery car like a ferrari.second, i have $100,000 and im looking for a nice fast car, but i dont want to buy a ferrari or sumthing cuz of the insurance is a lot higher i heard. i was even thinking about buying a 2009 ford f150 and souping it up with rims and everything but i'd rather a car thats really nice. does anybody have any ideas for a nice fast car with normal insurance?""

Insurance for driving my bf car?

I am getting my driving license, how much roughly will cost the insurance to drive my boyfriend's car? It is an old petrol skoda... Thank you!""

How can i get lower car insurance for my newly passed girl friend ( UK )?

my girlfriend has just her driving test 2 weeks ago im getting her a car tomorrow, ive been checking through loads of insurance sites trying to find her the cheapest possible is there any tips and tricks what to enter on these sites they ask so many strange question, or should i insure the car than just add her as a named driver? or do you know off any cheap sites.""

""DO MEMBERS OF CONGRESS HAVE TO GET THE NEW HEALTH INSURANCE? IF NO, THEN WHY NOT?

I have read on comments under articles on Yahoo and someone said they are required to get the same health insurance but i can not find this on any news article.

Car insurance please answer urgent?!?

my dad recently gave me a car and it is insured but my name is not on the policy. he said the insurance guy told him anyone who drove the car was insured. if this is true am i insured even though i'm a minor? thanks in advance to anyone who answers

What home insurance company insures homes with knob and tube wiring?

I am looking to purchase homeowners insurance on my home. It has knob and tube wiring and a circuit breaker. I was told that the knob and tube is a more recent version or wiring and not as bad as the older kind. I am having difficulty finding an insurance company with reasonable rates, under $600.00.The home is valued at $90,000.""

DUI for minors and the effects on car insurance?

What is the effect on car insurance premiums of a first, second and third offense for a minor who drives under the influence of alcohol.""

auto insurance quote websites

""Im 19 ,how much should i pay for car insurance?

im not british.but im getting a uk full licence.. any people know how much should i pay for a classic mini? and how about a 1995 subaru wrx?

Car insurance coverage - with temporary car drivers?

sir, i bought a car for my brother in india,on his name...he doesnt have any drivers license..so always had to rely on call drivers or temporary drivers for driving the car. in that case,if any acccident happens,will the claim still be honored even it is not driven by the owner..as long as the driver as the driver has a valid driver license. i came across a situation with my friend..where in the call driver ran away from the scene after the accident..can we still make the claim even in this case? i see in my car insurance it has owner-driver coverage...what is that.. is there any add on that i need to add to my insurance so that it covers even if driven by any temporary or call drivers..""

Finding the cheapest Medicare Supplemental Insurance?

I'm looking for a good resource to find Medicare Supplemental Insurance, including quotes. Can anyone help?""

Young drivers car insurance - cousin just got permit?

My cousin just got her permit and her family is allready looking to get her insured on her vehicle. Where is the best place online to get insurance just for a young driver without paying an arm and a leg?

I need affordable health insurance! I need your advice.?

I'm a 23 year old male married to a 22 year old female. Both are struggling to make ends meet in school although we have been frugal in our savings. Lately I have felt impressed to purchase health insurance yet I haven't the slightest idea to begin. We both attend a University that offers a insurance policy - I'm not sure how reliable it is though - here is the link - http://www.usu.edu/health/insurance/ (click brochure). 4 and 1/2 years ago I began suffering from the effects of OCD. It's been a complected process for me and I have had to depend heavily on prescription medications. I also have concerns for my wife in the case that we conceive - we need to be able to afford bills that would come as a result of hospitalization. This is one of the limited options I have researched and I realize there are many people out there with vast experience in this field. Your professional experience or even experience you've gained from going through the same things would be greatly appreciated! Thank you

How can I find affordable health insurance in Florida?

How can I get health insurance?

Hi! So my situation is a little complicated......I am twenty and a full time college student living at home. Both my parents are older and on medicare which does not cover me. I only work part time so I really cant even afford to pay for insurance and my college offers an insurance plan but it's really crappy. I really need to find some type of health insurance that is affordable. Not being able to go to the doctor or dentist is not fun. Any advice please?

How will 2 points on my license affect my insurance?

I live in South Carolina and am insured through State Farm. I recently recieved a speeding ticket that cost me 2 points on my license. What is an approximate percentage increase that I can expect in my insurance rates over the next couple of years?

What cheapest car insurance with no down payment?

Only company I know of that doesn't charge down-payment or upfront fee is geico. Anyone know of any other ones?

What is the cheapest car insurance in queens ny?

Car accident no insurance?

I live in California and I was just in a car accident and I was at fault but I just found out the girl driving has no drivers license only a passport because she's from Mexico. Her husband had given me all of his information so fast I forgot to ask for hers because I have never been in one before. If she doesn't have a drivers license would I still be at fault?

AAA insurance question! I just got my license!?

I just got my license today! I'm 18 and live in California. 1. Can I drive with people under 18? 2. My mom has AAA auto insurance for her car, and that's what I was driving when I had my permit. Is it still ok to drive the car now that I have my license? 3. I didn't understand the scoring system. I got 5 wrong, and obviously passed what is that in a letter grade or percent? Thanks. God Bless.""

Why not make Health Insurance mandatory like Car Insurance?

New drivers (permit); what can save money on insurance?

Okay, new drivers in the family (got the permit today). Of course, DMV rats you out to Allstate, and Allstate charges a ton for insurance (Arm + Leg). Oh, two new drivers. So I'm looking for ways to show good character to Allstate or find a cheaper insurance. Now, I know some basic things about Auto Insurance: A) Good grades (above 3.0 gpa) can get a discount from some insurers (usually 10%). Have this. B) I drive a moderate car (not SUV or sedan). Good condition. C) The car will be shared between 2-3 young drivers. Since they can't all be in the car at once, I imagine this could reduce costs. D) No criminal record and no disciplinary file at school. E) In the Fall, Drivers Ed is offered. I understand that it also can reduce costs F) Parents are responsible drivers (low insurance) Who tends to be cheapest with Auto Insurance? Am I wrong in any of the above statements, and is there any other factors that can save money? Where is the best place to get a quote? Thank you!""

""Was to help make health care plan was to help make health care more affordable, what happened?

It does not seem it is going in that direction; it seems like more of a insurance sale for insurance company.

""Car insurance problem, please help!!?""

Hi, I just got my g2 and my parents won't let me drive yet because they aren't insured for me to use their cars. I understand that everyone's insurance is different, but according to your history with car insurance, how long will it take to set up? Also, how much money, roughly, will it be added on to my parent's insurance? I have plans very very soon to drive with friends and my girlfriend. Thanks.""

About car auto Insurance?

After the accident, i towed my car three times to different places. IIF my dad wants to know that where i towed my car from, would insurance company have record for knowing that where i towed my car from??""

What are the steps to obtain medical insurance?

I used to have peachcare,but my parents said something happened to it and I don't have insurance anymore.""

Does medical Insurance transfer to a different state?

I have Kaiser Permante for medical insurance. It is very possible that I will move from California to Florida next January. How will my insurance switch? I heard there is no Kaiser there. Is there an alternative company? How can I find this out if I can't find out here?

Where can i get the cheapest insurance for my car?

What is a good estimate of the cost of insurance for a Mustang V6?

I am 16 and I have been looking at a manual transmission V6 Mustang for the past couple of years. I have looked around and I am aware of the typical prices that are being sold. I'm trying to focus on the 2007-2010 versions. The 2010 V6 Mustang is the version that has really caught my eye. I need to know how much I should expect to spend/save. Thank You.

How much will getting dentures cost me without having any dental insurance?

How do I get car insurance in Massachussets?

Progressive, GEIKO, and more don't serve MA. WHY? I can't find anyone who serves MA. Which car insurance is the cheapest and how do I get it. Thanks.""

How can I show proof of my insurance to get car tax?

Hi I need to go and get my car tax tomorrow but I dont have my insurance certificate yet becuase it akes 5 working days is there anyother types of proof I can bring to get my car tax?

Car Insurance In St Louis?

I just purchased a 2002 Mazda Protege today and I bought the car right out but now I'm looking into auto insurance but I have no idea where to go. I am looking to just get liability but doing online quotes is a lil' tiring because I really don't know what I'm looking at. Could someone tell me what is the best rate for auto insurance in St. Louis to go. I also have never had auto insurance before and have never had any priors driving anyone else's car.

auto insurance quote websites

""If you crashed your car into someones, how much would insurance pay out?""

Assuming the cost is 18,000, most of it being for injuries the other party claims to have (<1000 bucks in damage). How much would insurance pay and how much would i have to pay? No damage to my own car. No need for insurance after this because I dont think im going to drive again after hearing the cost. I cant call the insurance company unforunately. Do you think I would have to pay all of it? I had full coverage.""

Health insurance?

Does anyone know of a good and cheap health insurance company where i can save money every month and pay a low deductible?

Is there a place I can get affordable life insurance?

for someone who is terminally ill and not expected to live for another year?

Car insurance - change of address?

Hi. Recently i changed my address so i had to let the car insurance company know about that. But they charged(actually are willing to chage) me 423 pounds !! Yes, there's not a misspeling. It's 423 . As far as i ve seen, most people get charged no maximum than 50 pounds for this change. Also, there are no changes on my policy. I still have a garage, i still do the same mileage/year and so on. They even confirmed that there's no change in policy details except the new address. The new address it's in Manchester (central area) and before i lived in Bradford(UK). Now, in the mean time, i had a claim. If i would have found about this fee before, i would have cancel my insurance policy but now that i have a claim, i can't cancel it anymore and being refunded (as i paid the insurance for 1 year in one go, Not monthly). I found about this crazy 423 fee only now when i had this claim. You can't find anything about any fees related to changing the address neither on my policy papers nor on their website and online policy books. I suppose they considered this fee just as an administration fee. And i suppose they could have charged me even 10 000 pounds as an administration fee just because they can. I don't feel protected by the company anymore !! that's why it's an insurance company, to protect and take some risks out. The insurance company it's Admiral. I tryed to talk and explain them that this fee it's just nuts but they didn't agreed. The fee it's about 1/4 of the total insurance cost for 1 year. Maybe they try to take advantage of the fact that i can't cancel it (coz i have a claim in process) and i can't get refunded ? Any ideea how should i proceed ? Shall i proceed with any legal actions ? if yes, how much time and money would that cost because i wouldn't go into, i don't think it's worth doing that. Thanks in advance :) Cheers!""

Insurance rates for 19 year old?

what would the insurace rates be for a 19 year old driving one of these cars. all cars would be sedan (4-door) models. 03-04 honda civic 97-01 subaru impreza RS 96-98 BMW 318 94+ acura integra 98-01 honda accord 00-03 nissan sentra

Did you know that you save money if you have higher prior limits on insurance?

Okay, this seems to be a secret in the auto insurance world, but my insurance agent told me that if you say you have higher limits when switching to a new company your rates will be $200-$300 dollars lower! I didn't realize this would make a difference. For instance, I said in the beginning I had $25,000/$50,000 (liability) my rate was $1400 per year, then I took my old policy into the office and I really had prior limits of $100,000/300,000, and my rate when down to $1282 just for having higher limits at the other company.""

What kind of cars are good for teens insurance wise?

I know it depends on where I live and many other variables but I'd like to know in general what gets the best rates. I'm looking at a 1993 chevrolet s10 5speed with a 4.3l v6 right now but I don't know how the insurance would be on it yet. I'm 18 years old in Canada and I've been driving for 2 years total (1 year g1/permit 1 year g2 class license) and now I'm about to go for my full g license. What should I be looking for? import/domestic? engine size? number of cylinders? cars or light trucks? size of engine in relation to size of car? I thought I might get some relief on the s10 since it's domestic, manual (less people want to steal?), I can make some extra money at work, and since only 3 people can fit (originally a 2 seater) less people would be injured in an accident? I don't know, what do you think i should be looking for?""

Could someone please explain health insurance to me?

Difference between PPO HMO DRG Private insurance, and deductibles I read it in my textbook but all these terms I'm not very familiar with so no matter how much I re-read the paragraphs I'm still a bit confused... I might sound stupid but oh well! Clarify for me please! Thanks for all who answer""

What about insurance for 1st offense DUI's?

Geico quoted me with $2,000 for 6 months.....hiyaaahhh... I've heard about Freeway Insurance and then there are the strip-mall insurance companies. Are they legite ? thanks""

List of cheap auto insurance in Georgia $40-$50 a month?

cheap auto insurance in Georgia .looking for where I can pay btw $40-$50 a month

How to get cheaper insurance on a Motorcycle?

I'm 24, 25 in 10 days. I have wanted a motorcycle for the longest time, I have rode dirt bikes most of my life. I plan on getting a 600cc bike, but can't understand why the rates are so high. I hear about people who are 18 who are only paying $90. a month but they want to charge me $200.+ I have called around and just would like advice for those who might be paying less for insurance. The bikes I would like are 2006-2009 Yamaha R6/CBR600/GSX 600. Let me know if anyone has one of these and is a new rider and got pretty cheap insurance. I currently have Geico, and even with a clean record and multiple cars they still want a ridiculous amount.""

Premium cost of insurance

If an insurance company has a payout of 17 millions, admin expense at 5 million, and profit of 2 million, with 26,000 insured. How much premium would they charge to each client.""

How much info does a third party insurance company need?

I was asked to clear out an office a few weeks ago for the company that I work for. I got given a transit van and drove into London no problems. On the way back while parking up at work I hit another persons car and tore the bumper off. I found out who it was and told her straight away, she wasnt happy but I explained that Im covered by the company. She has started to claim though her insurance and our faculties department has done the same. I have told my insurance company aswell. The faculties department has asked for my insurance details for my private car insurance? Im not happy about giving them these details, can I refuse?""

How much would I pay for car insurance on a classic/sport car?

So I've been working on cars for a very long time (5 years), but I've only had my license however for only a year. Lately I've been driving a silly honda accord that I don't quite enjoy. I plan on buying a 280zx datsun, an alfa romeo spider, a triumph, or an mg midget. The price for the car isn't a problem because I fix and restore cars for Shelby cobra and can handle a lot of the issues older cars can give. The problem is insurance. About how much will I be paying monthly for one of the cars listed? ( I am aware I work on cars but have never done insurance) Thanks :)""

How much does car insurance cost for a new driver?

Im 18. i live in California. i own a 2003 nissan altima. Ive had my license for over a year. The car is ONLY under my name and i will be the only one driving it. Ive gotten quotes but they have been as high as $1000 for 6 mths of full coverage. Any advice on something cheaper or how to save money.

Estimate for Auto Insurance on a 18 year old Living in GA driving a Mitsubishi Lancer GTS 20k?

In Janurary of 08 i am going to get a New Mitsubishi Lancer GTS. I already know how much my monthlly payments are going to be the car is 20 grand. I Live in GA and was wanting to know around how much would insurance be if im 18 years old driving a new car. It would have to be full coverage and right now my family has Allstate. Can anyone give me a reasonable Estimate? Thank You.

How will this traffic ticket affect my insurance premium?

I'm a secondary driver on both my parents' cars and on my dads motorcycle. Today, I was given a ticket for doing 117 in a 100kmh zone while trying to pass slow moving vehicles. Anyway, i'm 19 years old and this is my first ticket; how will this ticket from an ******* officer effect my insurance rates upon renewal?""

""I need Health Insurance, had Gastric Bypass, On unemployment.... Help?""

I had Gastric Bypass in May of this year. I am on unemployment and wanted to pay out of pocket for insurance because I have had complications. I applied but was denied because of the surgery in the past. I have searched for a job and nothing. Ive been with my Boyfriend for the past 4 months, but his insurance says something about domestic partnership but only after 12 months of living together. How can I get around this, I need health insurance. Anyone else have the same issues? Let me know I am confused here.""

I am a female college student. I have recently become an idependent. rough estimate of health insurance cost?

good health although i do anticipate a minor surgery in the future, full time college student therefore income is very limited. please help!""

""Car accident, other insurance wont pay my car hire bills, my insurance wants me to take driver to small claims?""

The car hire bill the other side won't pay is four thousand pounds. My insurance were very slow deciding car was a write-off, so I had the hire car for nearly a month. They want ...show more""

""Can I report my (former) car insurance to someone, Texas?""

I was insured with a cut rate car insurance company because I needed a SR22 for no insurance from many, many, years ago that finally did catch up to me just now. Anyway, I was having my payment drafted out of my debit card each month. Well a few days before my insurance was due I realized that I unexpectedly was going to be short. It was due one day & I didn't get paid for another 2 days. So I called up my agent & explained the situation & asked if my policy had a grace period? They put me on hold to check. They came back on the telephone & said yes I had 7 days from the date it was due. They said I would be fine cause I got paid 2 days later. Well I go back up there a couple of days later to make my payment. Mind you, I'm still well w/in the grace period. The computer would not take my payment. The agent made a call, then spoke to someone, & then informed me my insurance was dropped for lack of payment. I was like whoa I was told I had a full week grace period She said to me Well, when you called you didn't inform us that you had your insurance drafted from your debit card. I was like A) Y'all didn't ask when I called & B) How in the world would I know to tell you that? Especially since y'all never asked. They basically said Oh well. She did make it clear that if I had not had auto drafting that the grace period would still stand. Maybe I'm clueless but I never had an incident where I was ever late on my car insurance. Now my DL is suspended. I don't know if this place gets a kick back by starting over my insurance w/a whole new policy. If I had had started over again the rate would jump & I would have to repay them to refile my SR22. Is that legal?? Like I said what do I know????""

Why are my insurance quotes so high?

I am trying to get car insurance and all the quotes I'm getting are about 100 dollars a month. I'm in highschool and any of my friends get theirs for like 60 a month. I have a perfect driving history and still it's too high.

Can i buy car insurance for 1 month?

or on a month to month contract? i know most places give u insurance but from 3 month or more. if so where?

How much will I get from the insurance for my totaled car?

A person hit my parked car and damaged the body, the wheel well, and the wheel is bent crooked and rubbing on the strut. My problem is the car is old and probably only worth $500. It will be really difficult to find a replacement for $500, it seems i might need to spend $1500 -$2000. Maybe this is close to the repair price, I don't know. What do you think they will offer me? What should I do?""

How much is insurance on a motorcycle for a 16 year old caucasion male in Texas??

i have never had a car or anythin. i am wanting to buy a kawasaki 599cc. i havnt had any accidents or anything. i just need an estimant on how much it would be monthly. now plz dont say call your insurance company or give me a site to go to just plz gestimate what you think it would be.

auto insurance quote websites

Car insurance // Policy holder..?

I am the policy holder to my new car. We all know insurance can be a bit of a nightmare, therefore I was put down as a named driver on the insurance which is in a family members name.. Can I be the policy holder, but secondary on the insurance (.. My car + Cheaper option for car insurance = wrong/illegal thing to do? )""

Are there any car insurance companies that don't use a social security # when determining your rates?

I think it is horrible that they base car insurance rates on your credit history. Having bad credit doesn't make you a bad driver. If they are worried about you paying the bill, why do they make it HIGHER if you have bad credit? Isn't that a little messed up? Are there any companies that don't do this?""

""If you are driving someone else's car while they are in it, does insurance cover an accident?""

Hey, I have my full G license however I am not insured under any car because I do not own a car. However, my girlfriend does own a car and we're planning on going on a trip which requires 12 hours of driving. She wants me to drive but I am unsure that if we got into an accident we would be covered. So question: Are we covered by the insurance company in the event of an accident Note: I am driving, have no car or insurance in my name on any car She is in the passenger seat during the whole duration of the trip""

Insurance on a 125cc ?

thinking i#of buyin a 125 after my birthday bored of a 50cc how much would 3rd party cost ?

How much will my first car and the insurance come to roughly?

i can start driving lessons in January. How much, on average, would my first car cost? and how much on average would the insurance be? Also.. What would you advise for a girls first car? :) Leave your answers below please, Thanks!xx""

What happens if u get caught driving alone on a permit in California?

So last night, I was stupid enough to go out and get food on my permit around 8pm alone. I also forgot to turn on my headlights, I thought I turned them on but apparently I only turned on my parking lights. And I got pulled over, he gave me a ticket for 12500(a) cvc for unlicensed driver, and 24250 cvc for driving with no headlights at night. I wasn't driving bad, I just didn't have my headlights on. I have to show up to court next month, what is going to happen?... I live in California. Thanks. AND JUST WONDERING, WILL IT SHOW UP AS A POINT ON MY RECORD? AND HOW MUCH WILL THE INSURANCE RISE?""

Is there such a thing as affordable health and dental insurance for someone that is 60 years old?

And in pretty good health? What company(ies) would you recommend. I live in Omaha, Nebraska United States. I currently pay $330 a month for PPO BCBS a month and it is killing me! Thanks""

How good is military insurance(Tri-Care) for maternity care?

My husband is in the military. I've never used the insurance, but I will need it now that I'm 6.5 weeks pregnant. How's the coverage?""

How can an 18 year old get dental insurance in the state of texas?

I just turned 18 and i want to get all my insurance started. so in the state of texas, how can i get dental insurance.. i really need to fix my teeth without burning a hole in my pocket.""

What is best single Premium Insurance Policy?

My father looking Good Return Single Priemium Insurance Policy and father age is 58.Please help me.

Please help!!! Auto insurance question?

I'm having trouble trying to get under my dads insurance policy. I've just gotten my license and found a car I was going to buy so I called my Dad's insurance company to try to get under his policy. However they said I cannot go under his policy because she knows that I will be the primary driver as well as the fact that my dad is already the primary driver for two other cars. Without my dad my insurance rate is around $4500/yr. My dad does not speak english very well so I have to do the calling and talking. What should I say and do so I can get under my dads insurance policy? 11 minutes

""I'm a female unemployed, living in upstate NY & need affordable health insurance! Desperate for suggestions!?""

I have been unemployed over a year. Although I am collecting unemployment benefits, I work a job per diem (usually 1-2 days per wk. which means I can't collect full unemployment benefits). I can't afford private pay insurance i.e. Healthy NY etc & don't financially qualify for Medicaid. Are there any other options? I would hate for a catastrophic illness to dictate my coverage & thus spend the rest of my life paying off medical bills!""

1992 BMW 850I CALIFORNIA INSURANCE PRICE?

IM 19 YEARS OLD I PAY $115 FOR MY TOYOTA MR2

Life and income insurance?

If I started income and life insurance when i started property investment for investment purpose only to cover investment,are the monthly premiums tax deductible""

Which Insurance company is best for Whole Life Insurance ?

I have search only 2 big compnay Metlife and New York Life. I am 24 years old and want that whole life insurance for my life. So i want to know which compnay i need to choose for whole life insurance.... Metlife or New York Life ? I have quote from metlife Insurance...Agent told me my premium payment gonna be $3510.00 per anuual for $500,000.00 ( insurance amount). and i am 24 yeras old it has cash value too.. So i need some information from ur side...should i take it or ?""

Short term insurance company's for 9 points +?

Hi i dont live in the uk and use my car for 3-5 days every 6 weeks when im there, i did have ecar insurance for 1 month when i was there for the summer, now that i want just 3-5 days insurance they wont quote me, ive tryed tempcover and they are no good !! all the ones ive come across wont insure me because i have 9 points.. witch is typical as they say they can insure up to 8 points... so my question to you is this do you know of any short term 3-5 day car insurance comapany's that take drivers with 9 points? its stupid that 1 or 2 mistakes leads down this poor road :P""

How much would it cost for insurance for a 17 year old male with a jeep?

Its a 1998 cherokee sport and we live in arknansas. The jeep is a dark green color.

My son hit a parked car - need auto insurance advice?

My son (19) hit a parked car in our neighborhood. We are trying to decide if it is better to pay for the damages to car that he hit ($2500) without going through our insurance company or to report it to our company. The person's car that he hit is willing to let us pay out of pocket. My son had a previous at-fault accident and has 2 points now. His car is totaled. Concern is how much our insurance rates will go up and is it possible they will cancel our policy. (Money is coming out of his savings and he is bus bound).

CAR INSURANCE FOR A 16 YEAR OLD?

would it be more expensive for car insurance for a brand new car or a used car.

""I wanna buy a 2008 car, how much would i pay for the insurance?

i am 30 years old and i just got my driver's license

Am I paying too much on car insurance?

Hi I am a learner driver and am paying 99 a month for my car insurance. I own a club corsa 1litre 51 reg. I am on fully comp insurance with elephant which is the cheapest i found. I have also insured my mum and bf who have both been driving for at least 5yrs but I am the main driver. Everyone seems to be paying less for their insurance even if they are boys with larger litre cars and all other details match. Am I getting overcharged? Surely it will go up when I past my test. Help please

Is it a legal requirement in Texas to have health insurance?

after i graduate high school and when i turn 18 and move out i will not be a full time student there for not covered under my parents insurances in any way... so is it a legal requirement in Texas for me to have health insurance like it is for car insurance? thanks in advance

Insurance question?

When setting up your insurance online does the company know how many years NCB you have? if not could you lie?

What is the cheapest car to insure?

My Boyfriend has just passed his theory test today and has his practical test in a few weeks. He's 19 years old and we live in England. He wants a cheap car to insure but all are really expensive the cheapest insurance he can get is on a Romeo Mini for 2,500 a year. So i was wondering if anyone could tell me which is the cheapest car to insure and who with? Thank you for your help, Secret""

Temporary Car insurance fuddles? Re: excess on the owners policy?

Hi, I was looking to either rent a car for a day or borrow my sisters, now ive found a site on tempcover willing to insure me for something like 30 - 40 odd quid but the trouble is it said something about excess being in & around the 400 - 500 mark.... It also said this is the excess the car's owner has to pay.... I'm pretty certain i'll not be borrowing anyones car if its going to cost them that much - even if I offer to pay it (which I wouldnt by the way, im not an idiot lol) But does anyone know if this is like a one-off or if they mean that this is what my sisters excess will amount to once ive been put on one day insurance on her vehicle? Just im not 100% if they mean that by being insured for 1 day im gonna just basically destroy her policy for the next year lol? Sorry I know this is a bit confusing but thats why im asking ya see,, it confuses me too..... I suppose im hoping an insurance expert is out there somewhere reading this and just dying to lend their expertise...... Thanks guys!x! :) Ps: Shes agreed to lend me the car as long as im insured & dont crash it lol....""

auto insurance quote websites

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/oklahoma-insurance-premium-tax-credit-luis-hunt/"

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iannoyinglysweetstudent-blog · 6 years

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Whats the best practical car or van insurance wise for a banned driver?

"Whats the best practical car or van insurance wise for a banned driver?

I was banned from driving due to a dr10 conviction and rest assured i have heartedly learned my lesson from this experience. My question is im looking to get my life back on track and so was wondering if anyone would know whats the cheapest practical car or van insurance wise for say if i wanted to start a buisness or just best overall. When i say practical i mean at least something that could pull a trailer as i e been told a 1400cc would be inadequet. Im 22 with no no claims bonus so i know its gonna be hard but any info appreiciated. Please no lectures i know what i did was a stupid incident but i truly have learned from it.

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I have a 2001 porsche and this lady just tboned me going through a red light. Now My insurance company wants to offer me about 5000 dollars less then what I can replace it for. I sent them 10 ads in the area close to my car to show them, and they in turn had me appraised by an independent agency. This agency, BIG BLOCK, came back with a dozen examples that all had more miles then mine, and adjusted me .16 cents a mile. After doing depreciation calculations on their examples, the average dep per mile was .60 cents per mile!!!! This changes their evaluation by about 7-8000 dollars overall. Its been two weeks since they totaled my car. What should I do if they keep trying to low ball me?""

Quiting smoking. Insurance will cover the patch.?

Only if I have a perscription from a doctor. I can purchase the patch or gum at the pharmacy with out a perscription. Why does the insurance company insist on a perscription for it to be covered. It just dosent make since. A lot more people would quit or at least try, if the patch and gum was alot cheeper. To purchase it out right the patch runs about $35 to get it with a perscription it is only $20. That is less than a carton of cigaretts. Why dont they make it easier to make that discision to quit. Make the quit smoking aid less expensive then a carton of cigaretts.""

""Mustang Insurance, Help!!!?""

Hello, I have a quick question about insurance. I am 18 years old, living in Orange, CA and currently driving a 2003 nissan altima that I am going to trade for a 2002 ford mustang gt. Now i know that contacting an agent will be the best way to find out more realistic rates, but right now I want to hear from past mustang owners. I was also wondering if having good credit will give me a discount on my insurance? I know insurance will be high, so don't waste my time explaining it to me, If it helps, I always obey the speed limit, never gotten into any crashes nor have I gotten any tickets. All Help is appreciated, thanks.""

Will my car insurance be invalidated?

Phoned my car insurance company today to report a minor bump. The guy asked if I had any points on my license and I told him that yes I have 3 points for speeding. He said that they had no record of this. I don't know why they have no record of this but that's not really the point. Will they try to claim that my insurance is invalid? If they do try this will I be able to claim a refund as I will have been paying them money for literally nothing for the past four years?

Cheapest Car to Insure on 18 Year Old Male ?

Hi everyone, I'm Victor, 18 Year Old Male which has Just passed his driving test. Now, here comes the hard part. The F*cking Insurance! What car is cheap to insure, I don't mind going as a 2nd driver even third becuase I'm unemplyed at the momment but once back in a job I will be the 1st Driver to gain my NCB. So I will most likely be a 2nd driver (I know its ilegal) BUT here's the thing I'm only using the car to get to college and back, it's not a full time driving expirience so in a sense, yes I won't be breaking the law!. My dad will most likely be using the car to get around with shopping etc during nights, weekends. I just genuinly need the car to get from A to B (Work and College). I have 900 to spend on any car, I've been quoted on my fathers Vectra (O8) 1000, which is really good but what riddles with me is that I know that car has a high fuel compsumption. HELP ME!! I've read a ford mondeo is cheap to insure, but there's the clue, I Heard . No body knows is true. So I leave it to you my dear clever people. Help.""

Will My Parents Insurance go up?

I'm a g1 driver, got pulled over for speeding, got slapped with a few other tickets, was wondering will my parents insurance go up

Geico car insurance down payment?

Is anyone here doing geico auto insurance monthly payments? I just got my policy and had to put a downpayment. the down payment is part of my policy total right? it's not like an extra fee? I'am pretty sure it's part of my total.

""I am 16 years old, and someone hit me from the back, will my insurance go up?""

It was clearly his fault, but will my insurance premium go up since I am a new driver? I live in California.""

Dental Insurance?

Does anybody know an inexpensive yet good dental insurance in Northern CA? I am on a tight budget. The cheapest one I saw is Deltacare for $97/year but I don't know if it's any good. Help please. Thanks!

I live in up state newyork need some help with finding some affordable health insurance.?

Funtions of home insurance?

what are functions of home insurance?

Why is my car insurance so expensive?

I'm 17 years old, with no convictions or points on my licence. I passed my test about a week ago, and I cannot get insurance for my VW polo 1.2, 02 plate lower than 10'000!!? What do I do?""

Do I HAVE to pay for insurance if im not driving but have a license?

My mom is trying to tell me and my brother (who is 19 and I will be 18 in about a month which is when i will get my license) that we cant get a license unless we have money to buy insurance. I think its really f***ed up for a student who got a license and doesnt drive any vehicle has to pay for insurance. She says that once i get my license, the insurance company will force her to put me on her plan so i can be insured. I think its a load of sh*t. I have never heard of anyone being forced to have insurance when they dont drive. When i say dont drive i mean, when i get my license, i wont be driving until I get my own car. Please dont respond to my situation and how i should deal with it, just tell me if thats even possible for the insurance to do that.""

Whats the best practical car or van insurance wise for a banned driver?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-do-norwich-union-offer-really-high-insurance-quotes-najera"

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chocolate-brownies · 6 years

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It’s there when I wake up. Something’s wrong. I haven’t opened my eyes yet. A minute ago I was sleeping. But now I’m awake and it’s there, lurking: Something’s wrong. My breathing tightens. I stretch my legs beneath the sheets. I feel my heart beating. The sense of creeping fear is diffuse, elusive, hard to pin down. It’s like catching sight of something from the corner of my eye. Something’s wrong.

Only nothing is wrong. I know that. I’ve experienced these bouts of dread for as long as I can remember. It’s familiar, which does not help me hate it any less.

Explaining chronic anxiety to someone who doesn’t experience it is like trying to describe a color they’ve never seen. I have friends who are surprised I suffer from anxiety. After a lifetime of learning to compensate, to push myself beyond my six-year-old fear of joining the Girl Scouts, I do not come across as a nervous Nellie. I am outgoing, talkative, adventurous. Last spring, I planned a Class IV whitewater rafting trip with my husband for three days in the summer. I started dreading it the minute after I booked it.

I go for long periods when anxiety leaves me alone, and I forget the tightness of its grip. But when it comes back, triggered by stress or worry about an upcoming challenge, it sticks around, greeting me every morning like some noxious troll who won’t shut up. Something’s wrong, it insists, or more accurately, something is about to go terribly wrong. I know this thought is irrational, but that doesn’t stop the spiral of anxiety that ensues. Nerves twitch under my skin. I scroll my list of things to do and feel uneasy, even about the tasks I’m (supposedly) looking forward to. When days begin like this, happiness is not on my agenda.

Too Much of a Good Thing

All animals react when confronted with danger, and that’s a good thing. The so-called fight-or-flight response, also known as the stress response, helps animals either move away from a threat or fend it off. Anxiety—the ability to anticipate danger—is even more of a good thing. Anxious humans who avoided areas rife with predators or saved food in anticipation of crop failure had a better chance of staying alive to pass on their genes. And make no mistake, that’s all evolution cares about. It doesn’t care that we exquisitely anxious humans might survive but be miserable a lot of the time, massaging our worry beads down to nubs. Let’s face it, in the modern world, with far fewer real threats in our environment, many of us are suffering from too much of a good thing.

Too much anxiety robs you of your capacity for joy. When everyday worry becomes chronic, it can flip over into one of several flavors of debilitating emotional disorders. Some sufferers develop specific phobias—agoraphobia, claustrophobia, social anxiety. Others, like me, suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, a free-floating emotional malady. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that one in five Americans have had some kind of anxiety disorder in the past year. In turn, anxiety can lead to sleep disturbances, panic attacks, hypochondria, depression.

With so much misery at stake, it’s a relief to learn that lots of smart people have figured out how to ease anxiety. Whether you suffer from occasional worry or have a full-blown anxiety disorder, it’s possible to become fully engaged in life again. In the last three decades, scientists have decoded the spiral of reactions that, over time, build an anxious brain. Turns out, I’ve wired my own brain to be anxious. The good news is I’m learning to rewire it—and you can, too. The more we know about how anxiety actually works, the better we get at beating back the troll. Or at least making it behave.

Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself

To understand anxiety, you’ve got to start with fear, because anxiety is like fear run amok. Neuroscientists now know there are two distinct pathways in the brain that trigger the fight-or-flight response. Here’s the most direct one: You encounter something in your environment—a man running toward you with a knife, a car veering into your lane on the highway—and a part of your brain called the thalamus sends visual information directly to an almond-shaped structure called the amygdala. That’s the control center for the fight-or-flight response. When the amygdala detects a threat, it triggers a surge of adrenaline and an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension—to prepare you to act. A few weeks ago, as I rode my bike home, I suddenly braked, turned my handles sharply to the left, and barely avoided being hit by a car that had run a stop sign. I never saw it coming. But my amygdala did, and it may have saved my life.

To understand anxiety, you’ve got to start with fear, because anxiety is like fear run amok.

Here’s the modern glitch in that evolutionarily brilliant response: “We don’t go into fight or flight just when we’re being chased by a bear,” says Adrienne Taren, a neuroscientist and emergency-room physician at the University of Oklahoma. “We’re getting it every time our email pings or we’re sitting in traffic. Our amygdala is just going and going and going.” That constant barrage of low-level alarm is what we call stress.

So where does anxiety come in? Because we’re such imaginative creatures, we can get stressed out by simply thinking about something that may go wrong. The part of the brain that worries about a future event we’re anticipating is the prefrontal cortex, and that’s where the second pathway to anxiety starts—the one that creates that flurry of anxious thoughts you can’t seem to control. Worried thoughts in the cortex trigger a stress response in the amygdala, which explains why we can freak out about things that aren’t even happening. “I think of the amygdala as sitting there watching cortex television,” says Catherine Pittman, a clinical psychologist and coauthor of Rewire Your Anxious Brain. “You can be on your back porch, looking at the beautiful trees, but you’re thinking, ‘How am I going to pay my mortgage with these medical bills? They’re going to take my house away!’ Your anxiety spikes even though nothing around you is dangerous.”

It’s important to realize that the cortex can’t create anxiety on its own. It can only activate the stress response when it gets the amygdala involved. The amygdala, on the other hand, can bypass the cortex, detect threats in the environment, and react, quickly. When I swerved to avoid being hit by that car, my amygdala took over while my cortex was still figuring out what was happening. Similarly, when a veteran feels anxious at what sounds like gunfire, it’s because his amygdala has gone into overdrive. The amygdala is constantly sweeping the scene, comparing our current experiences with associations learned long ago and some that are probably hard-wired. When it finds a match, it compels us to react, even if the current situation really isn’t all that threatening.

The cortex is like a parent who intervenes to prevent a child from acting on his or her impulses. It acts as a check for when the amygdala overreacts, recognizing, for instance, that what sounded like gunfire was actually a car backfiring and promptly tamping down the anxiety. Sometimes, though, the amygdala’s response is so overpowering that it drowns out the voice of the cortex. That’s anxiety in overdrive.

The neuroscientist whose work led to the realization that anxiety arises from two distinct neural pathways is Joseph LeDoux, the director of the Emotional Brain Institute at New York University. His discovery of a direct neural pathway to the amygdala overturned the conventional wisdom that the cortex played the starring role in creating anxiety and instead placed the amygdala at center stage. This revolutionary development has enormous implications for why some anxiety treatments work better than others—and for why mindfulness approaches are now getting so much attention.

Getting to the Amygdala of the Problem

In the 1960s, people who suffered from anxiety would have been advised, taking a cue from Freud, that they needed to uncover the unconscious forces driving their fears. By the ’70s a more pragmatic approach had taken hold: Learn to change the thoughts and behaviors that lead to anxiety. Cognitive therapy has proven successful in helping people interrogate the negative thoughts underpinning their worries: Are people really judging me so harshly when I give a presentation? And what’s the worst that can happen if they are? Patients learn to question whether their thoughts are realistic or if they’re catastrophizing based on scant evidence.

We now know that cognitive therapy is effective at tackling anxiety that originates from thoughts in the cortex. But it does nothing to tackle anxiety that arises from reactions in the amygdala itself. “Your thoughts can’t change the way the amygdala reacts through using logic or reasoning with it,” says Pittman, who is also a professor at Saint Mary’s College in Notre Dame, Indiana. “The amygdala only learns through experience.”

So where does anxiety come in? Because we’re such imaginative creatures, we can get stressed out by simply thinking about something that may go wrong.

So how do you target the amygdala directly? One way is through behavioral, or exposure therapy, which helps the amygdala “unlearn” associations it’s made between danger and particular experiences—like encountering strangers, loud voices, boarding a plane, or driving a car. Behavioral therapy uses the gradual, repeated exposure to whatever’s causing anxiety as a way to help the amygdala learn a more neutral association between the experience and our reaction to it.

Another way to treat amygdala-based anxiety is to simply calm down that part of the brain. Medications are one option. Xanax and its other incarnations are members of a class of drugs known as benzodiazepines. “They basically put the amygdala to sleep,” says Pittman. And that works. But if your goal is to lessen anxiety over the long haul, taking benzodiazepines will impede your progress. “What is learning?” asks Pittman. “It’s neurons firing repeatedly so that new connections form. Neurons have to fire to rewire. So if you give someone a medicine that prevents neurons from firing, how is the amygdala going to learn?” Alternatively, the reason that another class of drugs—the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors known as SSRIs—have proven helpful for anxiety is that they appear to help neurons form new connections. “SSRI’s promote more communication between neurons,” says Pittman. “People start to be able to think outside the box a little.”

But drugs aren’t the only—or the best—way to calm down the amygdala. There’s also the so-called relaxation response. It’s the “rest and digest” antidote to “fight or flight.” Using MRIs, scientists can now see how, just as the amygdala revs up during stress, it calms down when people employ the deep breathing exercises that prompt the relaxation response.

And that’s part of the reason that mindfulness shows so much promise for treating anxiety. Sitting quietly and focusing on the breath activates the relaxation response. But mindfulness-based meditation combines relaxation with something more: a nonjudgmental attitude toward emotions that arise, an acceptance of whatever happens. What the new brain research suggests is that, by combining the relaxation response with a cultivation of paying attention to our thoughts, we can address both of the pathways that lead to anxiety at the same time.

How Mindfulness Changes the Brain

Adrienne Taren began studying mindfulness because she was interested in stress. Studies have shown that mindfulness makes people less reactive to stress and better at regulating their emotions. But as a researcher at Carnegie Mellon back in 2012, Taren wanted to know what was happening in their brains. Her first study compared a group of people—not meditators—who exhibited mindfulness as a personality trait with another group with high stress levels. The results were striking. People who scored highly for mindfulness had smaller amygdalas than those who reported high stress. “The assumption is that a larger amygdala is more active,” she says. “If you have a smaller amygdala,you aren’t so stress reactive.”

The next question: Can people who aren’t mindful by disposition rewire their brains to become less reactive to stress? Taren enrolled high-stress, unemployed people in a three-day retreat, where half were taught relaxation strategies. The others were trained in a condensed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program. “We wanted to find out if there’s something specific about mindfulness that’s causing these effects,” says Taren, “not just that stressed-out people relaxed and felt better.” Taren measured the amygdala size of both groups, and after just three days of mindfulness training, the meditation group had smaller amygdalas. That suggested they’d actually made their brains more resistant to stress.

Perhaps even more significant, Taren found that the mindfulness training had weakened the connection between the amygdala and an area called the anterior cingulate cortex, a frontal region responsible for executive functions like decision making and paying attention. Decoupling the stress center from the logic center allowed people to feel more distance from their anxiety, which made it more manageable. “You’re able to just observe those emotions, which dampens the stress response that keeps the front of the brain from working,” she says.

Taren’s work echoes a growing body of research from neuroscience labs across the country suggesting that mindfulness causes brain changes in both the amygdala and the cortex. Neuroscientists are the first to say that they don’t completely understand the significance of these changes. But for now, they do know that breath-focused meditation seems to help people’s amygdalas become less reactive to their own self-critical beliefs. It also makes them less likely to see social encounters as threatening. When people with generalized anxiety disorder are shown pictures of emotional faces—happy, angry, or neutral—their amygdalas react to the neutral faces more fearfully than to the angry ones. “They perceive them as threatening because they don’t know what the person is thinking,” says Sara Lazar, a neuroscientist at Harvard University. “So they go on high alert.” Lazar found that, after mindfulness training, their amygdalas became less dense—the neurons were like trees that had been pruned—and no longer reacted to neutral faces as threatening.

Mindfulness training also changes the way the prefrontal cortex responds to anxiety. “Anxious people have that voice in their head 24/7, going: ‘What if? What if? What if?’” says Lazar. “Normally we completely identify with that voice, but mindfulness helps us step back and change our relationship to it.” Mindfulness works differently from cognitive therapy, which aims to change thought patterns to short-circuit worry. Instead of trying to eradicate anxiety, mindfulness gets you outside of it so it’s just an experience you’re having. That distance helps you endure experiences you find stressful or scary so your amygdala can learn a new way to react.

Adrienne Taren became interested in mindfulness from the perspective of a stress researcher. But when she saw the changes it evoked in the brain, she began a practice of her own. “I’m the Type A kind of overachiever who developed an anxious personality,” she says.

Mindfulness has helped her in the emergency room, where she needs to stay in the moment and make good decisions. It also helped after a painful bike accident. Taren is an off-road cyclist who rides on gravel for hundreds of miles, for fun. After healing from her extensive injury, she panicked when she tried to mount the bike for a competition. Her natural reaction was to suppress her anxiety. But her mindfulness training helped her see another way. “I started talking to my anxiety. I was like, ‘Hello, we’re going to be together for the next 20 miles.’ I was able to picture my anxiety as this little bubble of emotion floating along beside me,” she says. “It was almost comforting.”

A Little Fear Goes A Long Way

Around the same time my fear of joining the Girl Scouts was keeping me up at night, a little girl was born in a Midwestern town with a rare genetic disease. By the time she reached adulthood, the disease had entered her brain, destroying her amygdala. That woman, now known as Patient S.M., helped scientists discover the key role the amygdala plays in anxiety and fear. S.M. feels no fear from external threats.

To me, that sounded like a dream come true. When I first developed a mindfulness practice, I secretly hoped I could shrink my almond-shaped amygdala down to a peanut. To live fearlessly, able to take risks, pursue adventures, connect with other people without holding back out of worry that my body’s nervous system might betray my uncertainties? Sign me up.

But over the last year or so, my goal has shifted. Extinguishing anxiety is no longer what I’m after. Instead, when anxiety arises, I simply pay attention to its physical manifestations, and slowly—not because I’m wishing it away—my worry recedes. It sounds crazy, but having started on this journey to do everything I could to obliterate anxiety, I’ve learned to value the role it plays in my life. It helps me be more compassionate with myself. It reminds me to trust other people. And that leads us back to Patient S.M.

She has no fear, so her curiosity knows no bounds. She is aggressively social and wants to interact with every stranger she meets. “She has zero personal space,” says Justin Feinstein, a neuroscientist at Laureate Institute for Brain Research in Tulsa, who’s studied her extensively. “There’s no bubble. She has no discomfort looking you in the eye even if you’re a total stranger.” When Feinstein took S.M. to an exotic pet store, she held a snake and closely examined it, rubbing its scales and stroking its flicking tongue. She wanted to touch a large dangerous snake—asking to do so 15 times—despite being told it might bite her.

S.M.’s story offers a lesson in the crucial balancing act between letting our curiosity lead us to new encounters and heeding the fear that makes us avoid them. She’s been the victim of assault many times—had a knife held to her throat, been held at gunpoint—because she is unable to recognize threatening situations. To be sure, living without an amygdala is dangerous. But for those of us with the opposite problem, whose amygdalas see threats all around us? We might benefit from paying more attention to our curiosity, the antithesis of fear.

In the weeks before our rafting trip, my greatest anxiety was of fear itself. I worried what I’d do if my body betrayed me, gasping for breath and panicking. I’d prepared for months, with daily meditation, but even so, my anxiety as we drove to the meet-up point was high. I used every tool in my box: I sang songs on the radio to distract me. I awoke at our campsite by the river the next morning and meditated. Then I took a half tablet of Xanax.

That first day on the river, I bonded with the four Hawaiian men in our boat. As we crashed over the rapids, I observed “me” in the boat, too busy to feel anxious as we paddled like crazy. My vantage point had shifted: Instead of feeling buffeted by each rapid, I just saw myself paddling down the river. I didn’t once panic…even on one particularly gnarly rapid when we crashed into a boulder and my husband somersaulted out of the boat. He was OK. And—I realized—I was too. For the next two days I meditated in the morning, but I didn’t reach for the Xanax. My amygdala was learning there was nothing to fear. My sensations of anxiety had changed to excitement. By the last day, I felt like I could paddle on whitewater every day.

I won’t lie: I’ve awoken anxious many days since that trip. But there’s a distance to my angst that wasn’t there before. I’ve noticed that the physical experience of anxiety doesn’t have to spiral out of control, that it can even make me feel more alive. I call this the Anxiety Paradox: By allowing myself to feel anxious, to not succumb to the desire to “just make it go away,” anxiety somehow lessens its grip on my psyche. And that opens up a space to let joy in.

The post Make Peace with Your Anxious Brain appeared first on Mindful.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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