#because i at least know better than to buy myself a rabbit or wand of any kind

[unpretty]

if we're doing vibe talk I'm hoping that its not weird that I remember this but iirc you posted something ages ago about trying a really cute looking vibe that looked like a little red purse mirror. did that work out in the long run? or did it turn out more of a looks over quality type situation?

you're probably thinking of one of my bellesa toys, specifically the bellesa airvibe

in retrospect i don't know why i bought this. i don't like internal stimulation or direct clit contact. direct contact hurts and if anyone but me does it i'll stab them. however i did eventually come around to it once i figured out i have to work my way up to it. it's not a daily driver or anything because no toy that requires self-foreplay ever will be for me, but it's great for when i'm being extra self-indulgent. also great to use during sex. big fan of that. top-tier if you're a fan of humping people's legs. the only problem is trying to hit the controls sucks. i hear they have a new one with a remote and i might buy it if it goes on sale.

so i had this thought of like "okay so what if i got one that doesn't get inserted but still has the clit part" which is why i bought the bellesa diskreet air

however. the little... suctiony bit. is shaped ever-so-slightly different. you wouldn't think it would be enough to make a difference. but for me it made a huge difference. i basically never use this. RIP.

so then i thought "okay i'll just get this version of this that's just a regular vibrator basically" so i bought the bellesa diskreet vibe

the shape of this... i hate it. it's so awkward to use. it feels so loud. it sticks out so much. the soft surface doesn't work for me at all. the vibrations are so diffuse. i need something precise and unyielding. why is it shaped like a tongue. it works in an emergency (other vibe batteries are dead) but at what cost.

you'd think i would have learned my lesson but then the bellesa pebble was on sale

why is this picture so fucking dramatic. anyway it also comes with a charging case that looks exactly like the other charging cases. it definitely works better for me than the diskreet air, but this is where i finally accepted that suction toys in general are too much of an ordeal for me. like. it's designed to form a seal but i am Not About That. i hate that. the opening isn't big enough for that to be good for me. and when it doesn't form a seal it's loud as fuck.

anyway late last month i used all my reward points from buying all these vibes to order the new bellesa stim

it's not here yet but wish me fucking luck because apparently i need it

[bluebird-in-a-cagedrawing]

Nightmare AU part 28

Panel 1

Trisha the hour glass: "Not everybody has control over it, many of us have different colors but it's no use to us.Yes, the color represent us, but do not worry, it's the same as jinx, you can't do much harm with it."

Amstran the moon dancer:" l should go, thank you! We will come soon, there is something we want and it might help us!"

Trisha the hour glass:"Sure pumpkin of course, i will wait for you to come back... Till then, take care!"

Amstran the moon dancer:"Alright, again, this time hit harder and a little bit to your left, Polestar the star sprite!"

Luna the moon demon :"Nishya the dream cat if you want to learn how to win in a sword fight you need to stop being so tense, relax and focus."

Yan-naifu the ghost:"Does anybody want a snack, you should eat something, this is a new receipe."

Faith the head rabbit:"Oh no, not another receipe experiment on us..."

Panel 2

Felix Reddison:" Guys, it's time for a break, who will help me with some orders?"

Polestar the star sprite:"I will, sorry Amstran the moon dancer..."

Sky Coeur the detective:"I have some important news! May I have your attention, thank you!"

Amstran the moon dancer:"This belongs to Donut, where did you find it?"

Lumboo the light ghost:" There it is, the second entry, my old man was a butler here before he died..."

Yan-naifu the ghost:"Are you sure it belongs to her?"

Amstran the moon dancer:"I gave this to Donut as a friendship gesture, i can't believe they got her...i swear if they dare harm Donut..."

Luna the moon demon:"Look i know how important she is but right now it's not the time, we have to move."

Amstran the moon donut: "Donut, where are you? Donut answer me if you can hear us!"

Hester the photo marksmen:"This place has so many rooms, she could be anywhere, i'm taking right and you left."

Yan-naifu the ghost:"I don't think it's a great plan to split up, there are some demons dogs, very powerful."

Le souris bon bon neige:"You don't have to come with us, it's better to stay here and wait."

Yan-naifu the ghost:"Excuse me?I want to help Donut as much as everyone else...I'm not a weak ghost you know!"

Staran the galaxy man:"Star dust galaxy ink!"

Le souris bonbon neige: Ice! Velvet icee storm ignite!"

Hester the photo marksmen:"This dog is bigger than my last one!"

Yan-naifu the ghost:"I told you there were some demons dogs and now a statue because apperently this place isn't bad enough..."

Le souris bon bon neige:"Why this gives me the Harry Potter vibes?I already have a wand where is my letter?"

Staran the galaxy man:"Yes, and i'm sure every broom in the castle is a Nimbus 2001, come on ice mouse, use your spell and make a hole in the wall..."

Amstran the moon dancer:"This mirror is so strange, this house gives me those vibes like this is a nest at some point."

Hester the photo marksmen:" Don't move Doctor Bird, one step and you will feel the blade, now turn slowly, no more tricks!"

Donut:"Amstran the moon dancer is that you? Help! I'm tied up by some chains."

Amstran the moon dancer:"Donut i'm coming, hang on!"

Donut:"Amstran the moon dancer you have found me,i'm so happy to see you...Sorry, i keep getting myself in this situations..."

Amstran the moon dancer:"Donut, it's alright and you are safe now. How did you end up here, did they hurt you?"

Donut:"I don't know, i just got here and no, i'm a smart taugh piece of a donut,they can't harm me...i'm just a bit confused!"

Luna the moon demon:"I think they wanted us to be here, but for what purpose?"

Sky Coeur the detective:" We will think about it when we get out of here.Donut do you know the main path for the first door?The second door is not safe anymore since we had to block it..."

Luna the moon demon:"Where is Hester the photo marksmen? We have to get him too and get out of here now."

Faith the head rabbit:"Great now we all begin to disappear, i better use my time slow power to buy us at least 10 more minutes,better hurry our..."

Donut belongs to @ caprin-mallow 😊

Check her lovely drawings as well 👍

Ok, so now that i made that Harry Potter it's time to sort my ocs in Hogwarts but before that i want to say that i was only 12 years old when i saw the first movie HP amd the Chamber of secrets and i wished that JK wasn't a bad person but she is and i don't agree with her...plus in my country there is a limited Harry Potter merch for exemple rare clothes and books only and i am not that rich to go to London to buy the merch so please no hate for me.

My ocs:

Females *good team

Luna the moon demon: Ravenclaw

Yan Naifu the ghost:Slytherin

Red the fortune teller:Ravenclaw

Nishya the dream cat:Hufflepuff

Dandelion the white flower: Hufflepuff

Rocky Flame: Gryffindor

Trisha the hour glass: Ravenclaw

Elenora the rainbow joy: Hufflepuff

Celena the trophy ice skater: Slytherin

Males *good team

Staran the galaxy man:Slytherin

Hester the photo markmen: Hufflepuff

Le souris bon bon neige: Slytherin

Felix Reddison: Hufflepuff

Sky Coeur the detective: Ravenclaw

Amstran the moon dancer: To be honest i don't know...

Tommie the farmer cat:Hufflepuff

The they/them genderfluid *good team

Lumboo the ghost light: Ravenclaw

Polestar the star sprite:Gryffindor

The cigarette ghost Smoky:Gryffindor

The tiny helpers we see like the bell and so on, all of them are:Hufflepuff

Females *bad team

Melinoë the princess of nightmares: Slytherin

Vanessa the fourth knight: Hufflepuff

Growlian:Gryffindor

Lavinya the lamb servant:Hufflepuff

Feryoni the flower cat muse:Slytherin

Males *bad team

Luciano the candle of secrets: Hufflepuff

Moon on fire: Gryffindor

Clause the king assasin:Slytherin

Doctor Bird:Ravenclaw

Sweet lime: Gryffindor

Duo the ballon prince:Slytherin

Others:

Katelyn:Ravenclaw

Acrylia the sour candy: Gryffindor

Victim 1: Gryffindor

Victim 2 and 3: Slytherin, Hufflepuff

.........

The guard demon dog name is Dooffy, they are 4 of them... Lucky they only found one! Lmao

Part 1 till part 27

I haven't draw for such a long time Donut persona, i'm sorry for such a long hiatus time for the comic... I have not forgotten about you, one of my dear friends...

+ a corrupted Amstran the moon dancer

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What would happen if you were sent back and ended up in the orphanage with Tom Riddle—and say you also had magic?

Oh boy.

Well, there's a lot to question here. Judging by the... spirit of this ask, I presume I'm... pretty much reincarnated. I'm in the orphanage, I'm much younger than I am now and a child, I'm pre-Hogwarts age, and I retain my current knowledge.

For the purpose of this ask I suppose I also retain my current mental faculties. Despite being in the body of an eight-year-old, I'm not The Carnivorous Muffin at eight.

Welp, there's a lot to consider here.

First, I probably don't realize I'm in Harry Potter for quite some time and instead assume I've been reincarnated to some parallel universe. It's the 1930's, I'm in England in the depression, WWI has occurred and the vast majority of major historical events I know about seem to have happened in the right order, and this Earth is eerily similar to the Earth I left behind.

Strange that I appear to remember everything of my past life with my adult mental abilities, but alright universe, I guess that's how we're going to play this.

What I do know is that I'm dirt poor, presumably still a woman which does not bode well for my career prospects, and if I want any prospects in life period I'm going to have to fight tooth and nail for it. It'd be great if I got adopted to help with this, and might be nice to have people in my life who love me, but there's a lot of orphans in the world and a lot of orphans who are much less weird than I am.

The orphanage is the orphanage and not great, Mrs. Cole is overworked, the orphanage is chronically understaffed, and the kids are running wild beating the shit out of each other.

Being a girl, I probably don't have to worry about getting the shit kicked out of me quite as much, but I still probably try to keep my head down and don't aggravate the particularly beefy looking orphans.

Yes, there's some very angry gremlin named Tom Riddle around who will shove you down the stairs in retribution, but that's just a weird coincidence. And then supernatural shit starts happening. Billy's rabbit hangs itself, people get injuries when Tom is nowhere near them, and I start wondering if this is really the Tom Riddle.

I'm in Wool's Orphanage, my matron is Mrs. Cole, Tom Riddle is running around lighting things on fire. It's possible, though it could all be a strange coincidence.

Now, how things go from here depends on how controlled my own magic is. Since accidental magic typically does manifest at least once or twice, it probably does manifest for me for.. something. If Tom Riddle's there to witness it then...

Well, I imagine he's very offended. Here he was, special, different, better than everyone else, and then some girl in the orphanage (who dares to get very good grades on her assignments in school) has it too.

And I just stand there, smiling, going "Tee hee".

He probably confronts me to prove that he's better at it than I am, and he probably is unless the universe hates both him and me, but having someone else with the Shining around probably prompts him to take me as his protégé (in part so he can show off and in part because he's genuinely excited to be able to share this super cool talent).

I am now apprentice to eight-year-old Tom Riddle. Whoop de doo.

Well, I don't remember this part of Harry Potter, so now I'm probably confused as to where I am again. Regardless, I try to advise Tom on how to tone it down and not, say, traumatize Amy and Dennis for life and antagonize all the other orphans forever. He probably doesn't take me seriously. What do I know, I can't even light that patch of grass on fire?

Hanging around Tom Riddle gets me a reputation to, given the difference in genders, probably a fairly nasty one at that. When Dumbledore arrives he's undoubtedly told hot gossip about how eleven-year-old Tom and I have had sex in a ritual to summon Satan. Dumbledore takes this seriously.

Dumbledore probably meets us both at the same time and it's a disaster. I tried my best to prep Tom without revealing I'm a prophet, Tom first doesn't believe there might not be others, then doesn't believe they would be antagonist/anything but amazed by how awesome he is.

Well, Dumbledore lights his wardrobe on fire while I sit there. Dying inside. Dumbledore probably also does something to me too, to teach me some kind of lesson about something.

I imagine he temporarily disfigures me/makes me appear very ugly, then sticks a mirror to the wall, that way I realize that looks aren’t everything/being a whore is wrong. Tom, still traumatized over the wardrobe, is no help and my magic’s probably not controlled enough to do a thing about it.

I spend a day looking like a pig, Tom and I are given just enough money to buy new wands and second hand/barely functioning everything else and given the world’s worst directions to Diagon Alley. Thanks, Albus.

Well, months pass, we get our wands, Tom gets excited for Hogwarts and I... start seriously considering the future. WWII is coming, the Blitz is coming, Tom and I live in east London and must be able to evacuate during the bombing of London (which went on well past the Blitz to the end of the war). I also start considering my future in the wizarding world. Do I now actually have career prospects?

Probably not because I’m muggle born and a woman. My best bet is doing very well in useful subjects and finding employment with the goblins, I can’t imagine they have the same hang ups as the wizarding world.

Tom wants to go to Slytherin, of course, I tell him this is a bad idea. “Gee Tom,” I say, “Not sure how I know this but I have this feeling that Slytherin is filled with people who loathe our very existence and will shank us. Why don’t we pick Ravenclaw or Gryffindor instead?”

No one shanks Tom Riddle! Tom says. Tom is still eleven and while he admits that sometimes I may, in retrospect, have been right about certain things that doesn’t mean he wants to go to the house known for hard work. That’s code word for everyone there being a moron and having no other redeeming features than tenacity. As for the other two, Ravenclaws sound like smug, elitist, nerds and Gryffindors like dumb jocks.

Better to be known for ambition, cunning, and actually being competent.

Well, there’s no talking him out of this one, and goddamn it we’re all each other has.

I’m the closest thing Tom Riddle has ever had to a friend in all these years and in the orphanage the only one who could hold a decent conversation with him. And while it’s not my moral obligation to keep Tom from becoming a domestic terrorist, and there’s no guarantee I even can, dumping him for one of the other houses and drifting apart won’t help.

Not to mention that, after all these years, I’m undoubtedly lonely, I’m in this foreign land, and he’s now the closest thing to a friend I have.

Looks like I’m going to Slytherin, YOOOOOLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO! I shout as a battle cry as tears run down my face. I may have to convince the hat to put me in Slytherin, but like all human beings I am a mixture of many qualities. I’m not cunning in the least, mind games exhaust me unutterably, but I’m full of ambition. 

This confirms every bad opinion Dumbledore had regarding me and Tom.

For the next several months, Tom probably beats the shit out of dormmates who steal his things/harass him. He beats up mine too because feminism (TM) means that he should treat all people equally when guilty of the same crime. I... am not sure I can win that fight so I just resign myself to having to adopt some of Tom’s tactics to make sure I’m not shoved in lockers, have tampons thrown at me, or pig’s blood dumped on me at the prom.

Once again, everyone thinks Tom Riddle and I are dating. I don’t even know if they’re wrong at this point.

Well, being in class with eleven year olds who seem to have had little to no prior education, Tom and I are undoubtedly blazing through class. I imagine I’m bored out of my mind (the Hogwarts curriculum sounds unbelievably boring) and Tom is... well, probably devouring the library but probably also bored. I decide to try and see if I can find some real history texts on this world (there are probably none, the wizarding world seems to only have two historians and both... have a different approach to history than current modern thought as I know it) and discover what magic even is. That shit is fascinating: wingardium leviosa is not.

Dumbledore likely gives neither me nor Tom points in class, I think the house cup is stupid, so I really don’t care. I have no interest in playing quidditch, neither does Tom, so that doesn’t happen.

The second world war starts up, Tom, me, and the muggle borns are the only ones who give a flying fuck. I work harder on figuring out how to get lodging during the Blitz/the bombing of London. Unfortunately, Mrs. Cole hates me too for being the Bride of Satan, so that’s a no go. Third year, 1939, I probably write her in earnest anyway telling her to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send Tom and I instructions for the summer/where the orphans are staying/how they’ve been dispersed to the countryside. As a back up plan, I try desperately to shmooze shopkeepers in Hogsmeade during every Hogsmeade weekend to get myself and Tom part time jobs and lodging over the summer. As a back up back up plan, I spend my time badgering Tom to become very good at survivalist wandless magic and if the Lord has pity on me gain some ability in it myself.

Hopefully, either Mrs. Cole or one of the Hogsmeade shop owners take pity on us. If not, then Tom and I are going extreme camping. Given Mrs. Cole (and the brain damage brought on by Dumbledore erasing memories left and right) and the likelihood of Hogsmeade shop owners just not getting it, Tom and I probably go extreme camping.

(Tom, meanwhile, asks Dippet and Dumbledore if we can stay in Hogwarts over the summer. He’s told no exceptions. London’s being bombed, you say? No exceptions. Toodles. Tom is never the same.)

Me, Tom Riddle, a tent we made ourselves, several rabbits we had to catch and skin ourselves, and the pitiful fire that we can keep going through pure will alone because if we try to use real people spells then we’ll get arrested. It has the benefit of making Tom feel very manly and impressive, catching his own food, but both of us are well aware that this sucks.

But hey, we aren’t dead.

Well, I’m sure Tom doesn’t appreciate that and this is where I imagine he seriously starts talking about violent revolution. I imagine much of my time is spent discussing the merits of not violently overthrowing our ant overlords. I imagine a thirteen-year-old Tom isn’t impressed by my pacifism, but he’s not married to Voldemort yet (probably).

Then I imagine the horcrux thing comes up and... Well, I will argue hard against it. Humans die, it is a truth of the universe, and simply something we have to accept. Horcruxes are not a measure against that, they can be destroyed, given infinite time they will be, and the sacrifice they require is too high: human life as well as the very essence of who you are.

What is a soul? I’m not sure, we never really learn in HP canon, but whatever it is, it is in some way the essence of yourself. If you take half of it and throw it somewhere else, you will cease to be you, someone or something else is walking around in your body while the other half of you exists in endless agony.

If you must chase immortality, create a philosopher’s stone (as I darkly wonder why it was that couldn’t be replicated and what Flamel had to do to make it in the first place). On second thought, maybe we should search for the Holy Grail.

Whether I can talk Tom out of this or not is... unclear. I’m going to say that I can, in part because I imagine he’ll want to show the chamber off to me, tell me when he realizes he’s Heir of Slytherin, and in doing so I can prevent the basilisk incident from occurring. Without that, there’s no dead Myrtle, which means no first victim. That summer, when he goes to the Gaunts, I’ll go with him and convince him that it’s not worth it. He can just turn around and leave these people alone, I hopefully can talk him down. Which means no second victim.

I start writing Flamel to see if Tom or I can get an apprenticeship (Dumbledore probably beats us to the chase and poisons him against us, but it’s worth a shot).

Then, should all go well, I can convince Tom to find employment with the goblins rather than shady antique dealers on the bad side of town. Hopefully, I can convince him to never become Voldemort, and instead we travel the world together looking for the origins of magic or something.

Dumbledore goes around taking people’s memories of us in preparation for when Tom becomes a dark lord and I his lady of the night darkness.

TL;DR Apparently my life would become an SI/Tom Riddle fic. So, thanks anon.