#because i am writing for the worst character on earth (George)

[sophiethewitch1]

i am trying quite desperately to finish chapter 6 before it reaches 6k but i am. i am losing gang

[james-vi-stan-blog]

wow. that’s so much information I’m definitely going to have to research on:) so what would be your hope on how the show portrays King James (and I guess George Villiers and their ‘relationship’) that doesn’t make him out to look entirely like a bad person? Including his disability too (I believe he had some sort of paranoia and a speech impediment/stutter?)

-✨

Keeping in mind that I truly lick the bottom of the barrel for ANY James content. I watched freakin' Anonymous for James.

I would like to see James as a human being. Yes, he has become this ridiculous being, and there are so many weird things about him, some seriously off-putting, but perhaps we can acknowledge that a human being born and raised into the extreme circumstances of his life would inevitably turn out like that.

Show him as a NERD, the greatest scholar to ever sit on the English throne. (And also show that his intellectual ego is overinflated, have him call himself "a Second Solomon" and everyone side-eyes him, show him as an overgrown gifted kid who only know how to talk at people, not to people.) Give him great witty quips. Show his friendliness and informality, a down-to-earth side that he unfortunately expresses in the worst way possible. Explore how his casualness, which we would probably receive positively in royals today, was seen as a failure after the era of tightly controlled artifice and ritual of Elizabeth. Show him as a man truly committed to peace and tolerance in a time period when those were dirty words.

And please, PLEASE show him as driven by love, not sex, not just because that would be more accurate but because that would make the story so much more interesting!!! It doesn't have to depicted sympathetically, or imply that love is a higher or more virtuous desire or something. I do not care about sorting characters into "good" and "bad" when we're talking real history and the horror of the Jacobean period.

I don't have high expectations or demands (as I said, I lick the bottom of the barrel and go "yum, James content") but even just a bit of some of these things would delight me.

As for disability... well... ableism tw?

James's purported disabilities all suffer from the problem of diagnosing people in the past. Different historians and doctors read history books or the notes of the court physician and go, "aha, see, he definitely had [insert my pet favorite condition here]!"

For example, there is all kinds of debate about James's supposed speech/swallowing issue. He was said to have a tongue too big for his mouth, to drop food/drink out of the sides of his mouth (uhh i do that irl), etc. But when you read reports that James's speech was incomprehensible... who's writing this report? Was it an English courtier angry that James arrived in England surrounded by his most trusted Scottish courtiers? What if James just... had a Scottish accent??? Can't you very easily picture an Englishman calling a Scottish accent a tongue deformation? I mean, I am inclined to think James did have actual tongue issues because he complained about it to his physician, but every single comment that was written by James's contemporaries about his body came from some perspective, some agenda.

Probably, James did have some physically embodied difference that the people around him sensed. (And this physical difference came together with his sexual difference, personality difference, etc., to create someone who stood out as "queer" to those around him.) But, specifically naming that difference, pinning it to some diagnosis, is a political act now as it was then. Every depiction must do it (Gunpowder, Treason, & Plot (2004), a super weird homophobic and ableist depiction, gave him partial paralysis; Gunpowder (2017) gave him a peculiar walk, etc.) but the way they choose to depict it and why will have implications.

Here's what I fear.

We're already seeing people lining up to defend poor widdle George Villiers (GEORGE VILLIERS! George Villiers) because an "ugly" (???) old man is creeping on him. We see this really rigid, puritanical* sorting of characters into "good guys" and "bad guys" which for some reason lines up with beauty and how much the audience wants to see the actor naked. There's evidence that the show is going to lean into the depiction of James as slovenly and gross (banquet chaos, weird licking, his pants falling off). A depiction that, like I mentioned before, was solidified by centuries of historians who found James off-putting for a variety of reasons... among them, homosexuality and disability.

I would, in fact, love to see James depicted as disabled. (If it were me, I would show him with ataxia and probably ADHD.) And further, you know what I would love? For a character who is gross, physically different, weird, not to be depicted as evil because of those things.

It is, in fact, not evil to be merely weird and gross. And gross people are still capable of giving and receiving love.

But... how is it gonna be received by this audience if James is physically different? Slurring, falling over, wracked by digestive problems? In a visual medium, in a show that looks to be marketing itself on sex appeal and spectacle... In TV/film, where the siren call of "beauty equals goodness" is probably the strongest of any medium... when you mark a character as different, when you highlight and display that difference... how will that function in the story, what are you saying with it, and how is the audience going to receive it?

:\

That doesn't mean I don't think they should do it, I'm just... bracing myself.

*inside joke lol because James fuckin hated Puritans

[adultswim2021]

Minoriteam #20: “Behold Balactus! Part II: The Blackening” | July 24, 2006 – 12:00AM | S01E20

Did I already use that image for part one? I don’t even fucking care anymore. I just want to be done.

Well, I've done it: I've watched every episode of Minoriteam. And what do I have to show for it? This is unquestionably the worst show Adult Swim has ever aired. At the very least, it's the worst show Adult Swim has ever aired up to this point. Not sure how close we'll get to this sort of bottom again. I'll find out, I guess.

I didn't really talk about the first part, because I feel zero guilt being dismissive of this shitty show. But I DID watch it. I was just short on time that night and decided to do a big Mail Bag post instead, basically. Because this was a two-parter and also because my ability to retain anything that happens in this show, I did the unthinkable: I REWATCHED the first part just so I could “get” the second part. So here's what happens:

The White Shadow organization unleashes Balactus on Earth, he's like Galctus but black. He’s a destroyer of worlds. The bad guys seem to be under the impression that he'll just go after other black people because of “black on black crime”. When he starts destroying things willy-nilly and mysteriously starts collecting random items (turns out they're for a doomsday device), they eventually team up with the Minoriteam and other characters from the series storied past in order to correct their mistake and save Earth.

Meanwhile, Fasto learns his father is actually a space man, sorta like Superman’s origin. He goes back in time and learns Balactus' real name and I guess that's enough to make him go away? Because it's like, Jewy sounding or something? Leslie Ira something? Is this a joke I don't get or what? Or is it yet another case of an Adam De La Pena project marked by a case of “well we wrote what technically can be called 'comedy', time to go home!”

MAIL BAG

From KON!

In honor of Minoriteam’s death, I’d like to reiterate how pissed I am that AS deleted the show in the wake of the George Floyd protests, giving the show cover that it, like other shows deleted in the Fey Doctrine, was simply of a different time and just insensitive to current cultural mores. It obscures the fact that the show does and always did suck shit. It MUST be made clear that Minoriteam was just as awful at the slur-friendliest heydays of the George Jr era as it is today.

Thank you for saying this KON, because I 100% agree with it. Also: A video popped up on YouTube TODAY, on the day I literally finished the show. I uses that annoying modern YouTube reviewer style that grates on me, but it also SEVERELY soft-pedals on how bad the writing on this show truly is. Like, yes, in an ideal world, the show would be allowed to stay on Adult Swim's website forever, and there'd be generations of people who can click on it, find it unfunny, and abandon it until the end of time.

The aforementioned YouTube video seems to be saying that Adam De La Pena's heart was in the right place because he did make the villains of the show be stand-ins for systemic problems that keep society racist. And I agree with that, I guess? But that doesn't change the fact that De La Pena's writing blows, and this show sucks. It reminds me of listening to people defend the Star Wars prequels by saying they're operatic and deal with deep themes and point to respectable literary references as a parallel to it’s various supposed virtues. But this doesn't change the fact that when they thing plays in front of you it just lays there like a turd. Please don’t get me started on the Star Wars prequels. I’m not even particularly a Star Wars fan, so I don’t really care about how bad they are except for I genuinely believe that people who defend them, EVEN lightly, are suffering from severe mental illness.

Now, I'm off to write my Minoriteam fan fiction, where the White Shadow organization has it's own show removed from streaming in order to make Black Lives Matter protesters look bad, but nobody actually cares.

[thegeekerynj]

All Death Metal Review (And nothing from Sweden!)

Death Metal: Trinity Crisis One Shot 

Writer: Scott Snyder   Artist: Francis Manapul

‘And who are YOU supposed to be? I’ve faced enough Dark Knights that no Batman scares me anymore!

Ha! Then it’s a good thing I’m not a Batman! I’m his MOTHER!’

———————————————————————————————————

Sweet Christmas! That took me by surprise!

Harley kissing Jonah Hex, that was really sweet, and gods awful creepy, and kinda gross,  after the exchange, and some thought…

This is it, Gentle Readers… the Beginning of the End of the Beginning of… Oh, crap, now I’m lost… This is where the story starts rockin’!

The Gang’s all together, and the Black Lantern Bat has determined what they need to do.

The plan? Split up, naturally. That AL-ways works…

When we left them in DM #3, the Lanterns are protecting the Home Base, and taking out the Crisis Energy Antennae on the Earths left in the known Universes, The Flashes are off and running through the Speed Force, trying to find Metron, and stay ahead of the Bathattan who Laughs, while the Trinity (Superman / Antilife, Black Lantern Batman and  Warden Wonder Woman) along with Swamp Thing, Harley, Hex and Jarro, head for Castle Bat, to gain access to the Crisis Earths, where the Crisis Energy is being harvested for Perpetua.

**WHEW!**

Getting into the Castle involves getting past an army of Dark Knights… and we have a bunch of real winners here! 

Bat Monday - Salomon Grundy in Bat ears, I could have busted a gut laughing, until I thought about what kind of weapon a zombie with Batman’s training could be, and shivered…

Kull, the daughter of Batman and Wonder Woman, corrupted by the Dark Universe…

Ark, the living embodiment of Arkham, with all of the knowledge and abilities of ALL her worst inmates…

Chiroptor, the amalgam of Batman and Chemo (Great Elder Gods!!)… 

And the Pearl, Martha Wayne, in the equivalent of HellBat Armor, complete with her iconic pearl necklace.

This is a real mindscrew for Batman, and the panels depict it, most intently.

One nice thing about Scott Snyder… he is consistent about tying up loose ends. Once we are in Castle Bat, we find out what happened to Barbatos, the Big Bad from Dark Nights: Metal. Not that we were actually wondering, since we got Perpetual, and the Batman Who Laughs, but, like I said, it ties up the package nicely.

Then, we are introduced to the character I have been most happily waiting for… the Robin King, and his Utility Belt of Death!

Gentle Readers, this is the story we have been waiting for, the chapter which tells us what the Heroes Plan of Action is, and where the story has been going, for over 40 years. You see, the opening page of this book tells us where this story began… with Marv Wolfman and George Perez, and Crisis on Infinite Earths!

Not to spoil too much, but Crisis, Infinite Crisis, and Final Crisis, ]well… they have all played a part in getting us to this story. It seems, the “Crisis Energy’ has fed Perpetua while she was trapped within the Source Wall, and, now, she wants it all, so she can recreate the Universes in her image.

Great job, if you can get it…

I can’t say enough good things about this story and artwork, as Snyder and Manapul have put together a really tight, hard hitting bottle / lead story, bringing us to the next step in the saga… 

Jeebus on a popsicle stick, I hope no one lets me down… that will hurt!

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶.5

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Death Metal: Multiverse’s End #1

Writer: James Tynion IV   Artist: Juan Gedeon

‘Mr. Rabbit?

Yes, Young Lady?

Thank you for saving me.

What a kind thing to say! It was so scary out there, and you stayed so brave. I don’t think I could have done it without your courage.

You’re really, really soft.

I use a special carrot shampoo.

———————————————————————————————————

Once upon a time, about a million, bazillion years ago in cranky fat man years, somewhere around 1982, Roy Thomas and Scott Shaw! brought Earth-C into the DC Multiverse, the earth of anthropomorphic animals… yes, they brought Super-Hero Cartoon Animals to the Super Hero Universe.

Our introduction to this Earth was Rodney Rabbit, a comics writing and drawing hare, who created the Just’a Lotta Animals comic by day, and was Captain Carrot, a Superman-esque rabbit, who got his powers from super charged carrots, when danger struck.

But, I digress… because I got really excited!

So, we have teams on the 6 Earths, each Earth holding a tuning fork, focusing the psychic pain energy of the population to Perpetual, powering her attempts to recreate the Multiverse in her image. The Earths in play, Earth - 3 (Crime Syndicate), Earth - X (Nazi Earth), Earth - 29 (Bizarroworld), Earth - 43 (Blood League World) and Earth - 50 (Justice Lords Earth) are all worlds of pain and suffering.

Their energy is the right flavor for destroying, and creating.

The heroes, organized and led by the Green Lanterns of Sector 2814 (Hal Jordan, Guy Gardner, John Stewart, Kyle Rayner, Jessica Cruz, Simon Baz), are working to take down the Antennae before the energy can be fed to Perpetual to power her Cosmic Undoing. 

So, teamed with the Lanterns, we have Hawkgirl, Kid Flash (Earth-22), President Superman (Earth-23), Wonder Woman (Earth-6) and Captain Carrot, all hellbent on stopping the respective Antennae.

The problem… Each Earth’s inhabitants have been laced into the antennae, to directly feed the psychic energy to it..since the energy is effectively terror, well, what better way to induce some? Of course, this isn’t the only problem to be contended with…

Leave it to James Tynion IV to come up with a way to make a villain creepier than the Batman Who Laughs… How, you ask? Well, take the true polar opposite of Batman, and make him realize HE IS what Giggles says he is, and you have an interesting new ballgame.

You see, while the Batman who Laughs is the Ultimate CORRUPTED Batman, Owlman is the Anthesis of Batman, the purest EVIL to the Batman’s GOOD. And he plans to make sure that he continues to be the True Opposite…

Gedeon’s artwork is rough, but considering the story being told, and the pain portrayed by the characters, it fits, perfectly. Some times, I see Joe Staton and Nic Cuti in these pages, a little cartoony, but that’s not a complaint… The story concentrates a bunch on Guy Gardner and Cap, so, it seems to fit (and the art is reminiscent of the ‘A Guy and his G’Nort’ storyline from 1991). 

All in all, a very good story, and a fantastic use of a truly underused treasure.

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶

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Speed Metal #1

Writer: Joshua Williamson   Pencils: Eddy Barrow   Inks: Eber Ferreira

‘Hey, Flash Family, Is it true a Flash has to die in every Crisis?!’

———————————————————————————————————

And the levels of snark from the Darkest Knight have reached Epic Levels!

The first three pages of this issue give us a rehash of everything  having to do with Wally West, since the beginning of the Rebirth Era, from Barry pulling Wally out of the Speed Force, to Barry and Batman finding the Comedian’s Smiley Face button embedded in the Batcave wall, to the events of Heroes in Crisis and Flash Forward.

The action picks up as Barry, Wally, Wallace and Jay leave the Batman’s Vault, in search of Metron’s Chair, with the Darkest Knight hot on their trails. 

In the Speed Force.

With the Darkest Knight’s presence corrupting the Speed Force, Barry and Wally bickering the entire time, I’m reminded of why I hated the post Crisis Flash… Wally wasn’t mature enough to wear the mantle of Barry’s fame.

Sure, he had the speed, he was even faster than Barry, but he was still the same jealous little kid inside, the one who needed to be patted on the head, the one who couldn’t get on with the Titans, even though he was probably the most powerful of them. 

He was just an immature kid, and here, Williamson dragged that all into the foreground once again.

All so Wally West, the King of the Redemption Arc, could have another Redemption Arc…

Sorry, that did me in. 

The rest of the story is pretty good… the art is wonderful, the Jay / Barry / Wallace interplay is really kinda neat, and all the Black Flashes… well, I’m a sucker for Death icons, so a mass of Death Speedsters, well that’s fun with a CAPITAL F!

But, did we need another Wally gets to whine story?

Sorry, this wasn’t the finest arc of the Death Metal Saga.

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶

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Death Metal #4 ‘Shot In The Dark’

Writer: Scott ‘Scream King’ Snyder   Artist: Greg ‘The Muscle’ Capullo  Inks: Jonathan ‘Bloodied’ Glapion

“So, ever wonder why you never see A Harley Who Laughs’?’

———————————————————————————————————

And, that Gentle Readers, is the crux of one of those puzzles about this series… Why don’t we ever see more twisted versions of the Villains who infest Earth Prime?

The Robin King (this is the character who rates SECOND on my memorable Characters list, especially with his own One-Shot—— Who’s First?? Time, Gentle Ones in time…) puts the explanation out there, and it is very simple.

And worth the read… But, I digress.

So, Issue 4 picks up with Sergeant Rock describing what has been happening on Earth - Prime, and we finally get to see who has been carrying him around… AMBUSH BUG! Yes, the character that made the Fourth Wall more transparent than an open Anderson window has been carrying Rock around as his own personal narrator…

Which, if you know the Bug, is a joke unto itself.

So, here we go, the ride is picking up steam, and we are now following 6, count’em SIX, separate story lines. A guy could get whiplash, or Bullwhip or some other third rate character… But, I digress.

We have the Trinity storyline, the SpeedMetal storyline, Multiverse’s End, and the Lantern Storyline from the last issue, the Justice League / Legion of Doom story… am I forgetting anything? 

Oh, and of course, the Robin King.

Where to start with this… I guess the simplest place to start is the artwork.

Greg Capullo’s pencils are absolutely wonderful. For anybody who it's to watch the process of drawing I want to watch so he's got a really wonderful touch I recommend Greg Capullo’s Instagram site. As he's drawing pages for these books, he posts the pencils as he finishes pieces of the process . Normally, he has six or seven photo panels showing exactly what he's been doing.  In man cases, this involves crowd scenes, with extensive detail. His work is beautiful, it’s easy to see why he is such a sought after talent.

Jonathan Glapion’s inks on Capullo’s pencils are comparable to Austin on Byrne, and Janson over Miller, Janson over Colan… Enhancing, and not hiding the intricate detail rendered in the pencils, adding that last flash of lightning to bring it all together. The balance struck between them is almost organic, a constant growth between the two, bringing them to levels bordering on the true Classic Art teams of the last 50 years.

I do not make these comparisons lightly

Now, to the story. Scott Snyder is powering a roller coaster with a rocket sled. The coordination between the different aspects of these stories is both intricate and daring. With all the different aspects of this story spinning like plates on sticks, Snyder juggles the plot lines, and what is left to him by the myriad of writers as Emmet Kelly did in the heyday of Ringling Brothers.

His deft touch, and subtle influences are balanced by lace covered sledgehammer blows, leaving the reader reeling, and wanting so very much more.

Scott Snyder, much like Tom Taylor, has pulled out all the stops, cut the brake lines, kicked out the jams, insert favorite euphemism for creating a high speed, non-stop mad ride to Hell!

And, much to my wallet’s chagrin, I am very happy about it.

Now, as it crosses to other books, and other writers pick up the reins, I am sure Snyder will still be the whip hand driving the story, not allowing some of these writers to go too far astray (unless it’s Tom King… then, well Woo Hoooo!)

I can’t say enough good things about this story, or the team creating it. I’m beginning t feel a little biased, but, what the heck.

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶.5

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Death Metal: Robin King #1 ‘The Robin Who Would Be King’

Writer: Peter J. Tomasi   Artist: Riley Rossmo

‘Aw! Come on, this is the fun part!

Get up and let’s FIGHT!’

———————————————————————————————————

Games, within games, within games…

So, the Batman who Laughs wasn’t infallible.

And the Robin King is going to be the bigger threat to the Darkest Knight than any combination of the Trinity, Flashes or their cohorts.

At least, that’s my takeaway from this issue.

We continue the story of the Robin King, as started in the Tales of the Dark Universe one shot.  Bruce has grown up, and grown into his sociopathy, and genius. He has used the family fortune to get all the training necessary, and to accumulate all the tools, to begin his reign as the true Evil Overlord of Gotham.

Utilizing his accumulated weapons, he has taken out Commissioner Gordon, Firestorm, Animal Man, Adam Strange Blue Beetle (Ted Kord), and the Red Tornado, all in truly spectacular and extraordinarily grisly fashion.

While the Black Hole Implosion for Firestorm was a particularly well thought out death, I think, so far, the ‘Mortal Coil’ Death, for the Red Tornado was the most imaginative… making his powers totally uncontrollable, while moving him closer to his ultimate dream, to be a real person, before his form totally destroys itself from the stresses of his own speed.

Marvelous! Fantastic! Gross!

Enter the Batman who Laughs, with the proposition to make the Robin King special, one of his own…

But, he’s a Robin, so, off to the Groblin Pit he goes!

Hence, his mistake, and possibly another chink in the boiler plate of his plans… since Bruce Wayne is NO Robin!

Peter Tomasi’s scripting for this issue is simply remarkable. The creep factor he brings to this iteration of Bruce Wayne is almost eviscerating. Reading this was painful to my eyes and psyche, feeling the levels of insanity drip off the page, and scratch across my mind like a little bird’s unnaturally sharp talons.

He really hit all the horror factors.

Then, there was the artwork for this story. Riley Rossmo’s artwork set the mood for this story. His shattered pencil / inks style, which can be distracting, was integral to telling this story. It allowed the Reader to view this story as if it were playing out in Bruce’s mind, its all the fracturing being how he is viewing the world.

For me, this story has been the highlight of the series… thus far. I am anticipating this, which is near the midpoint of things, is setting up the Wednesday Night Episode…so, - 

Tune In, Gentle Readers! 

Same Bat-Time

Same Bat Channel!

The Best Is Yet To Come!

Did I neglect there is a B-story, with Signal, Spoiler, Orphan and Red Robin taking on Quietus, the amalgam of Batman Ras’ al Ghul and Duke Thimas, from another Dark Universe, written by Tony Patrick and drawn by Daniel Sampere?

This story brings in a plot line for ‘What’s happening for the Other Bat-Family Elements’, as they try to find their way through Castle Bat’s myriad streets… 

I am guessing we will start to see more of these stories.

I am completely fine with this, rather than having to recap things later…

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶.5

[tbhwhocaresanymore]

Nancy Drew 2x6

As promised I am done with my most stressful finals and am now posting my review albeit two weeks late, and let me say to start off that this episode would have made a fantastic season premiere.

Ghost kiddies: 1 Lamia: 0

Speaking of things I need to get off my chest wow I can’t believe the arraignment for the morgue break in finally happened. I assumed it had happened and she got off, or that everyone just forgot about it but more the fool am I. Because it is back and kicking off our second season.

And for the record as someone who despises insects and all forms of creepy crawlies with a passion this episode was a teensy bit horrific and not in the fun way.

Like I said at the top though, this episode would’ve made an amazing season premiere. It set up a whole bunch of fun new season plot lines in addition to being a killer episode in its own right. For example I���m assuming with Nancy’s 443 hours of community service to go we’ll be seeing more of Connor the Surly Coroner, and what if his flower shop wife works at the place the gang scammed a few weeks ago to get AJ Crane’s address? I mean be real how many flower shops can one small town have.

In other news I continue to yearn for Chief McGinnis to return. Like WHY in the name of all that is holy would you throw away a perfectly good, lovable book character, not to mention Native American rep, in favor of this new asshole that nobody likes? (This is only 10% me being bitter about my Tamura being AJ’s son theory not panning out.) The only (ONLY) upside to Tamura being here is that Nancy and McGinnis were becoming friends, and now we have a very rude cop for Nancy to be sassy to. “Not a real holiday.” “Not a real necktie.”

Speaking of lovable book characters, it causes me pain how Hannah and Nancy’s relationship was like shot in the head and dumped in a ditch. Like must she eternally be at odds with one of her book parental figures? For those of you who don’t know, in the books Hannah Gruen is the Drew’s housekeeper/cook, and a surrogate mother to Nancy. Like I’m thrilled that Nancy and her dad are back on good terms and working their way towards being the iconic father/daughter duo we all know and love, and I understand that Hannah has every right to be furious with Nancy, but the pain is still there.

Moving onto more lighthearted aspects of the episode, I love the balance this show has found between comedy and horror. Riverdale could never. The scene with the five of them in Nancy’s kitchen and the autopsy was comedic gold. Ace and Bess and George, fairly quickly getting on board with it, Nick convinced they all want to send him back to prison in possession of the group’s one brain cell. But then he immediately loses the brain cell because when somebody shows up AT THE FRONT DOOR, NONE OF THEM THINK to hide the body in plain view in the kitchen??? Guys! Oh and that absolutely iconic bit of dialogue: “No, we are not performing an autopsy in your kitchen!” “No you’re absolutely right Nick, we should do it in the living room there’s more space.” *wheeeeze*

So that’s the comedy now for the horror. So many little delightfully creepy moments sprinkled throughout the episode. George drifting off and singing in French, when the body in the back of the van opens its eye, when the dad stops the car and gets out and it SITS UP, when Charlie and Ted see something outside and all you can see is its silhouette, when the lamia is like sucking their souls out looking like a skeletal cretin straight from the depths of hell. Delightful.

Getting back to season long arcs, my writing sixth sense is tingling and it’s telling me the Women in White are going to be important. How? I don’t know. But there is sooo much potential. What if they’re all comatose a la Sleeping Beauty waiting for someone to call them back once some sort of evil reawakens? What if they’re immortal and walking the earth solving problems in secret? What if they were corrupted and had to be killed by their loved ones? The possibilities are endless and I’m here for it.

Time for my Drewson shipper talk so if you’re not into that skip this paragraph. Ooooh Lordy the scene with Nick and Nancy in the seamstress house made my heart do a happy little tap dance. Really any time they share the screen at the same time, but they had lines directed at each other and it was beautiful. And that gorgeous line of dialogue, “Hey, you can still fix this. No one’s gotten hurt yet.” aeexoijxoij

Now I will close out with some thoughts I had while watching.

Nancy can be so smart but also so dumb, like she hears a mysterious thumping sound and Hangs Up The Phone??? Girl it could be a human killer!

And is it just me or does it seem like if twelve children in a small town were all murdered on the same day and the killer was never caught that would be the sort of thing that lives on in town legend

Nick has the absolute WORST British accent oh my GOD. Understandable, because the actor is Scottish, so at that moment he was a guy with a Scottish accent pretending to have an American accent faking a British accent but still.

Cannot believe on their way to the Claw to stop a soul sucking spirit they had to stop at the grocery store for caramel apples and candy canes like them all running around must have been a hell of a sight for whatever sleep deprived Safeway cashier was on duty

Finally, what in god’s name is George going to tell Jesse? Not the truth I imagine, but I have no idea what possible lie she could sell. Personally I think I’d just tell her I drugged the water as a joke and gaslight her until she forgot about it.

Normally this would be the part where I theorize about what could happen in the next episode but at this point you already know what happens in the next episode so I’ll sign off with my typical schtick instead. Ahem

Writers give me Lucy Sable

[stella-monstrum]

Bobby Roe’s ‘Underestimated Gem’, “The Houses October Built”; [1hr 31mins, Rated R] (2014)

Admittedly, there is a lot to unpack in this review. 

I found myself at the relatable point of endless scrolling through horror films on streaming apps, hoping to find something that really challenged and rattled my thinking afterwards. Obviously, film taste is different for everyone, and I am CERTAINLY way too easy to scare. But this wasn’t a film made to elicit jumps—or screams for that matter.

I went into this viewing with a couple expectations. First of all, Hulu’s trailer for the movie was enough to grab my interest by itself. The clips of this group of friends exploring haunted horror attractions and the brief introduction to the eerie actors along with it pulled me in.

[Anecdote; Around the same time that the film came out, I’d gone to my first haunted house. I was separated from my group, and thrown into a “butcher shed,” and proceeded to have the living shit scared out of me. One of the actors knew that their mates had gone too far and pretty much came in to save the day. Afterwards, I thought it was the coolest thing and started to laugh at my own fear—which plays massively to the appeal to watch.]

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Before I go into the review... 

I will say that the thriller theme to this film made me squirm and made it difficult to watch all the way through. So if you’re squeamish, have trauma-like responses, or have epilepsy, proceed with caution or skip this one altogether. 

This film also contains a bunch of NSFW themes, torture, and graphic images (which basically delivers its main purpose, I guess).

(Written by Stella. Edited by Jacob J )

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The Cast:

Brandy Schaeffer as Brandy

Zach Andrews as Zach

Bobby Roe as Bobby

Mikey Roe as Michael (aka Mikey)

Jeff Larson as Jeff

The casting is fairly straightforward, with the actors playing overly exaggerated versions of themselves. Though technically under the lead of director Bobby Roe, the cast all had a hand in writing the film. Pulling double duty is a feat in itself. (It was unfortunate to find in my research that, after the 2017 sequel, the majority of the cast just dropped off the face of the Earth.)

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Summary:

The five childhood friends from Ohio seek out the thrill of the Halloween season, traveling through the deep south of Texas in an RV. They’re stocked up on junk food, booze, drugs, and pure joy that they’re setting out on this journey. For the six days leading up to Halloween, they visit six attractions in the Lone Star state. (technically) 

The team begins at a bar in Tyler, Texas, to celebrate the beginning of their trip. In their wasted stupor (and even while sober throughout the film), they make light and joke about how these “haunted attractions” are tame and as fake as the horror films they strive to represent. (Meta as hell, right?)

With each visit, the attractions grow scarier and freakier. Somehow, they piss off a whole gang of creepy-ass characters. Despite being essentially in the middle of nowhere, the aforementioned creep squad (we’re talking clowns, bloody bunnies, backwoods Vorhees groupies, etc.) stalk and terrorize the traveling quintet. The group moves on toward the ultimate attraction, The Blue Skeleton, which they desperately try to find. This leads them on a mystery hunt through word of mouth (and an online horror attraction forum, to the secret location). They eventually wind up heading towards the deep, dark heart of Louisiana, where The Blue Skeleton exceeds every fear that they wanted in the first place—and ends up being their worst nightmare.

The film also gives a small nod to George Romero, the man who changed the way that zombies were seen in pop culture and films, during their visit to a zombie-themed paintball attraction. On top of that, the creators made the film on a very small budget (allegedly). It was given a brief theatrical release in 2014, but years later became a niche gem with a continuing following amongst horror film fans.

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[Likes & Dislikes]

It was incredibly hard to want to complain, consider how the film left my state of mind after watching. But, ultimately, I had to find something for the sake of this review. So I’ll start with the dislikes first, because it’s so worth saving the best for last in this circumstance.

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[Dislikes]:

1.) The first-person filming: Although capturing themes and moments perfectly to keep suspense, it made me super queasy.

- Now, this nitpick isn’t an end-all film-ruiner. With any first person/found-footage deal, there’s a guarantee to feel the rollercoaster like adventure in your gut. (I recommend having a good bowl of ramen or some ginger tea on hand.)

- The filming style 100% captures and cranks every moment of fear, suspense, and terror. It makes you feel like you’re a part of the team. (Found-footage/first-person filming was the original VR, fight me.)

2.) The full on disrespect that the group shows to the attractions.

First attraction: They find a ladder (that’s conveniently left unsupervised, despite not being for patron use). Mikey decides to climb it and steals a megaphone as well. He causes a scene atop the ticket booth and attempts to get a crowd shot for their film at the Haunt House in Caddo Mills, Texas. This pisses off an entire group of creepy-ass clowns that follow them back to their RV. Living up to his unspoken title of Mister Dumbass, Mikey tries to confront them.

● Second attraction: One of the clowns and a broken porcelain doll actress proceeded to follow the crew to this location in Eureka, Texas. Mikey confronts the “doll” when they find her on the side of the road. She follows onto the bus, screams, then slowly leaves.

● Third Attraction: As the group enters Phobia, located by US Highway 248, they’re told not to film past the point of entry. The camera shuts off. When the camera (one that Bobby set up on the RV) comes back on, we see Mikey trying to hook up with one of the contortionist girls. Afterward, when Zach finds out more information about the acclaimed Blue Skeleton, they get confronted by yet another pissed off clown accusing Mikey of filming when they were told not to.

There’s an entire slew of other incidents that I won’t dive into, but I will say one final con:

3.) Brandy just minds her own business the whole time, yet gets the backlash and crossfire from the boys’ shenanigans and dumbassery. 

- Honestly the more she got caught in the middle, the more I felt looming dread. 

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[Likes/Loves:]

Amidst the (albeit small) annoyances, there was so much that I loved and enjoyed about this film. 

1.) Complete out-of-the-gate blurred lines of the entertainment-yet-fear that we seek out in haunted houses.

● Starting from the opening scenes, there’s VHS like footage of fun and upbeat tours from haunted attractions, which evolves into a slow burn of much much darker and horrible secrets/tragedies from them: 

- An employee found hung, mistaken as a prop;

- Houses allegedly hiring murderers and criminals without background checks; 

- & Actors going as far as breaking bones (but not killing) to scare patrons.

2.) Continuity that never strayed from the film’s theme and/or purpose. 

● Through all six attractions that the crew visit, the actors that they seemingly managed to piss off (looking at the real male hubris issues here) follow and stalk them whilst traveling in the middle of nowhere—even all the way to Louisiana.

● With each haunt, the scare level increases, starting with fun and simple baby-type scares and progressing to pure anxiety and nightmare fuel. 

(As an aside, I’m honestly still mad that there was no seizure warning for the amount of strobe lights they filmed in the name of fear.)

3.) Consistent foreshadowing

● At the very beginning, they show a gut-wrenching video of a bloodied and tied-up Brandy being shoved into a trunk

● Also, the film seemingly always lingers on Brandy, which gives a small clue as to the haunt creeps having an unhealthy obsession with her.

● At the first attraction, The Haunt House, while the crew films with high spirits, they convince Brandy to playfully get into one of the prop coffins, thinking it’ll be funny. Then the actor nearby shuts the coffin until she screams to let her out. 

      - Deeper into their travels, they joke about how much they’d want to get paid to be buried alive. At the end, that’s exactly what happens.

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(Final Thoughts)

There are so many heart- and gut-wrenching moments that force you to never look away from the screen. If I’m being honest, the style and story that Bobby Roe created is honestly on par with something you’d see from the acclaimed likes of Kubric and Zombie, among others.

 This is such an underrated find. Minus my nitpicks, I’m giving this [9/10] stabs.

 (This is the most I’ve been shaken up by a film in a good while.)

Want to get lost and vicariously (not literally) shit your pants? This is the film for you. 

[Just don’t piss any clowns off on your way there,K?]

[back-and-totheleft]

His anger is his art

Oliver Stone is worried that Donald Trump doesn’t get enough sleep.

“He doesn’t sleep a lot. He doesn’t take good care of his health. Don’t you think there’s some pile-up, if you don’t sleep for several years like this?”

I feel a movie coming on. Stone, after all, made W, a film about President George W Bush; this one, perhaps, could be The Don. Sure enough, he seems to be thinking about it.

“There’s nothing that could quite capture this fellow. He’s quite a whirlwind, a fascinating dramatic character. Shakespearean too, in the sense that he’s so emotional — at times he creates a storm, almost purposely every day, to keep the energy going. He creates a storm inside himself. He’s King Lear in a strange way too — which daughter loves me more?”

He’s also thinking about the murder of George Floyd, but he thinks a black director should make it.

We are Zooming. He is in Los Angeles in a large book-lined room, I am not. He���s not lost his looks — sort of handsome, friendly but in your face — and his conversation is warmly attentive.

The talk of possible films is all Stone business as usual, running towards the news and the gunfire, especially if it’s American. At 73, his soul is still that of the gonzo movie-maker who turned out almost unbearably violent films such as Platoon and Salvador. But he did them because he hates film and television violence. He learnt about the real thing when, in 1967, he joined up and volunteered to fight in Vietnam. He left garlanded with honours but angry.

“I was known for my violent screenplays, but it came from a background of real violence. There was a lot of it I saw, and I wanted to depict it accurately. I really hated that. All the TV shows — 1970s, 1980s, 1990s. Same old bullshit. I hated the fake violence, so I was trying in my movies to move away from Rambo bullshit. It just doesn’t look as good as it does in the movies; it never does.”

And now he’s written an autobiography, Chasing the Light, covering his life up to 1986. He was 40 then; Platoon had just been released and, earlier that year, Salvador. Platoon won four Oscars, one for best director, and Salvador was nominated for two, one for best writing — Stone co-wrote it. It was, as he says, “a remarkable two-film journey from the bottom back to the top of the Hollywood mountain”. He had arrived, he had been accepted. The book ends with him trailing clouds of glory.

“I’d managed to crest into the light,” he writes. “Money, fame, glory and honor, it was all there at the same time and space. I had to move now. I’d been waiting too many years to make films. Time had wings. I wanted to make one after the other in a race against that time — I suppose really a race against myself in a hall of mirrors of my own making.”

Will there, I wonder, be another volume?

“Yes, of course. Why not? I think it’s important for me to at least come to grips with things because it goes so fast. You don’t really get it all. You don’t — one event after the other. One movie after the other. You’re always dealing with people, people, people. It’s hard to have that solitary space.”

He kept diaries “to understand myself, to understand what happened”. As a result the book is phenomenally well detailed. It opens with an account of filming a scene from Salvador. It’s a cavalry charge being shot in Mexico; everything that could go wrong seems to be going wrong, and the money — where on earth is the money? But somehow he pulls it off. Reading that made my head spin: how could anybody live with such levels of risk? Reading his diaries made him ask the same question about himself.

“I always knew I was bold, but I never realised that I was crazy too and risked a lot. At 39, with nothing in my future, my father dying, my mother dependent on me, a new wife, a new baby — and I go and put everything I have into this idea, this crazy idea to shoot this movie.”

He has, as the critic Pauline Kael noted, a divided sensibility: “He’s working outside the industry, in freedom, but he’s got all this Hollywood muck in his soul.” She never liked his films, but he accepts this judgment. The book also stands up her analysis — one minute he’s the guerrilla film-maker, the next he’s lapping up the glamour, the drugs and the schmoozing with stars. But the real divisions are much deeper than that. The first is the division between his father and mother.

He was born in New York. His father, Louis, was a high-ranking soldier turned stockbroker; his mother, Jacqueline, an elegant, beautiful French lady Louis met while fighting with the allies in Europe. She loved parties and glamour — Stone says she would have loved him to make a flowery romantic film. His evocation of her character is laden with love for her. Louis was more complex, serially unfaithful and constantly at war with the demon money.

One day, when he was 16, Stone had a phone call at his private boarding school: his parents were separating. It was a pivotal moment.

“I was naive. I thought it was a happy, loving family and I was very privileged to have that. The divorce was cruel in the way that it was done. It was brutal, and it shocked me because I was naive. The whole world fell apart. They split, and there’s nothing else. There’s no brothers, there’s no sisters. There’s no home. And as a result you become an orphan of the storm. If Charles Dickens were writing it, it might be an Oliver Twist story … I used to get kidded that my name was Oliver. And maybe I did feel an identification with him.”

His education faltered. He went to Yale but never completed his degree. At 18 he started wandering the world and at 20 he enlisted, then apparently forced himself to see the worst things that could be seen in Vietnam. The book starts 10 years later when he is at his lowest ebb. He speaks of himself in the third person while talking about this moment.

“He confronts his failures in life. He sees that he hasn’t gotten his dream, what he wanted to do. And his grandmother dies. He had gone to see her on this deathbed in Paris and he talks to her. And she communicates to him, and she tells him how he must live his life the way he is doing it, he’s following his instincts. And she loved me, and she’d always loved me and believed in me. That was a big thing. Something happened at 30 with her death. And I became more mature, and my success started to flow from there.”

His attempts to reconstruct a family have been patchy. His present wife is his third, and he has two sons and a daughter. There’s a moving moment in the book when he holds one of his sons, Sean, in his arms.

“If ever there was proof,” he writes, “we are born with a sweet nature, this was it; the veils come later.”

He has a Wordsworthian sense that we arrive trailing clouds of glory, but somehow the world takes all that away. So does he think we are born good? “Yeah, I think so. A baby is innocent, beautiful. You see it in baby animals. They don’t know what the world is.”

The second division is America. He came back, he says, “very divided and alienated”.

“Nobody was walking around over there saying: I’m against the war. No. A lot of us knew the war was bullshit. Certainly the black soldiers knew that, they didn’t really believe in it.”

Stone became an American exceptionalist. Usually that means somebody who regards the US as an especially good country; Stone regards it as especially bad.

“The divide was growing when I came back and that’s still with us. You see it coming down to us to this very day. We have a law-and-order candidate in Mr Trump. He talks like a fool, but he talks like many people — more military, more power, more application of force, more violence.”

From Salvador and Platoon onwards, Stone’s work became an angry charge sheet, an indictment of US postwar politics. His 1989 film, Born on the Fourth of July, attacked the treatment of veterans; JFK (1991) embraces conspiracy theories about the death of Kennedy; Heaven & Earth in 1993 skewered the behaviour of Americans in Vietnam, and so on. Postwar American history became, for Stone, a descent into insanity.

“America just goes mad after the Second World War — it just goes mad. Under Eisenhower the beginning of this madness sets in. The question we have to ask ourselves now is: was there really an enemy? Russia was not the threat to Europe we pretended it to be. And, for that matter, China neither. And we created this postwar scenario that was culminating in this economic concept that had come out of the Depression, that we cannot go back to the old way again and have to keep going. We have to put money into this military economy, to keep the country pumped. There’s been no end to that, no end at all. It just keeps going up. It doesn’t matter who the president is in the end. It’s the system. And no one can beat that system. No one can control it.”

This is, you will gather, a tremendous book — readable, funny and harrowing. It’s also full of movie-making gossip, scandal and fun. If you want to know what working with a truly difficult actor is like, read his account of handling James Woods on the set of Salvador. Nevertheless, Stone sticks with Woods because “he is a genius”. Also if you want to know what it’s like to be so intoxicated at a Golden Globes ceremony that your speech is so bad and almost denies you an Oscar, then you need this book.

There is much to disagree with about Stone’s politics — America’s iniquities in the postwar period are nothing next to China’s — but his anger is his art. It’s a way of balancing out the deep divisions in his character and his feelings.

For the moment he is not too worried about the pandemic, but he is taking on a new cause: nuclear power.

“The virus seems to me the ongoing business of history. It’s just... there’s so many viruses. I don’t see it as an existential threat to the world. It’s more of a mood thing. No, I think the real issue is global warming.”

He is making a documentary, A Brighter Future, about the need to deploy nuclear power to reduce carbon emissions. “Renewables,” he says, “cannot solve it.”

There he goes again, running towards the news and the gunfire, like Oliver Twist always asking for more.

-Bryan Appleyard, “Oliver Stone interview: the Platoon director and Vietnam vet on his new memoir about his early days in Hollywood,” The Sunday Times, July 12 2020 [x]

[thegeminisage]

B, P, R

HELLO thank u

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

this is a complicated question for me personally. all of my writing is inspired by personal experience because that’s cheaper than therapy but not in such a way as i am too direct in writing about myself because that’s weird (as in, it feels weird to me - people who write self-insert OCs are valid because everyone has their own unique relationship to creative expression so nobody harass them). like, ok, this is gonna sound pretty fuckin pretentious but if i really want to resonate with a character, i have to understand something about them or their arc on a personal level - this one has a dead parent, that one is asexual, etc etc

but it’s too weird for any single story or character to have TOO much in common with mine own personal experience because 1. that feels weirdly revealing or like i’m oversharing and 2. then they stop being them because they’re busy being me. i spend 24/7 with myself, why on earth would i want to do that, better to spend some time with jesse turner or steve rogers or whatever

so the solution is to play the shuffle game and swap stuff around. like ok the funniest example i can remember is one time i wrote a fic where derek hale was asexual. but his experience of asexuality was too close to mine, so i altered some things, and one of the things i altered was that he’s down to smooch. i, meanwhile, think kissing is one of the humanity’s worst inventions, up there with the atom bomb and pay-to-win phone games - so then derek is derek and i am me and there’s Boundaries, because that’s how i like it

i think, though, that i would have a very difficult time writing something or working with a character with whom i can’t relate to via personal experiences…so in a way everything i’ll ever write is an autobiography. rip

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

i’m what george martini would call PRODUCTIVE. that shithead can’t finish one lousy book when he makes more money than god to do it and i can sit down and write 6k in a single day or 55k in a month for FREE, and he still has the AUDACITY to call fanfic writers lazy? EXCUSE ME? that asshole can eat me. maybe if he wasn’t so busy talking shit he’d have time to finish that chapter he’s working on

anyway, my deep and everlasting hatred of george mars rover aside: i am a RIGID outliner. i make a general outline and then i make a scene by scene outline and then when i get to the scene i’m working on i jot down the conversation/action beats ahead of time - in my humble opinion, this makes for less plot mistakes, less rewriting, and best of all, a better first draft, because your outlines were kind of your first draft. i’m not saying my shit couldn’t do with more drafts but i absolutely fucking hate editing so it’s nice to be able to get by with the first one

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

YAH as a kid/teen i really liked joan bauer and david lubar, and of course i owe shigeru miyamoto and eiji aonuma my life (they do most of the story work for the zelda series, i think) - now that i’m older, most of my #influences are fanfic writers - i’m v privileged to be able to follow the work of people like @loquaciousquark and drop-deaddream (no longer a real tumblr rip lol) and @ipoiledi (pour one out!!) and @netraptor (wont let me tag…rip) and some mysterious person on ao3 named strange_estrangement, and of course most of all WHO WOULD I EVEN BE AS A WRITER without @callowyn, whomsts skills i have admired as long as i’ve known her…cowriting w/ cally has been absolutely formative. i had a lot more favorite authors back in the day, but since delicious got taken down i lost basically everything that ever existed before ao3 and now i don’t remember any author or fanfic names :(

(fanfic meme, send questions if u want)

[kyrieanne]

you said something last night about the good place and the incantation, and I don't know what that means but I would very much like to if you can explain it.

::claps hands::

Necessary throat clearing I: I do not think Christianity is the thesis statement of The Good Place; Mike Schur has been extremely clear this story is not an argument for a particular philosophy. I’m not arguing that anything about the show is particularly religious, but rather that there are some natural analogues (from my point of view). The show is about philosophy, which has a natural overlap with theology at large. I’m not a pastor person, but I do have the same education as one. I’m also trained to look closely at narrative “texts.”  Thus, here we are.

Back in 2012, Helen Sword wrote about nominalization – she coined the name zombie words because it’s easier to remember – which is when you take an adjective (implacable) or a verb (calibrate) or even another noun (crony) and add a suffix like ity, tion or ism. Think: implacability, calibration, cronyism, heteronormativity, etc.

Academics, scientists, - and philosophers/theologians eat nominalization for breakfast. They litter their writing with them. At best – nominalization help us put a name to big, complex ideas, and at worst it can be a tripping hazard to communicating with clarity. Sword cites a pretty famous essay by George Orwell Politics and the English Language, written in 1946.

Orwell warns how language isn’t just political in its content but in its form as well. He quotes a passage from the Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:11

I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Then Orwell wrote a modern version:

Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.

Sword and Orwell argue that concrete language – that tethered to our five senses – is clearer. It endures, evocates, and energizes your audience. Nominalization has its uses, but should be used sparingly when communication – always a two-way street – is the goal. Cluttering our language with these zombie words is the best strategy for anyone who wants to talk, but cares very little about being heard.

I think The Good Place is an example of a story told in concrete language - though its a visual medium, and it is very much on purpose. But I’ll get to that...

First, let’s define the term Incarnation...Simply put, it is a theological assertion that Jesus Christ was both fully God and fully human. It is one of those key beliefs - take it away and whatever you’ve got isn’t Christian; This isn’t one of those down in the weeds, who cares? theological arguments.

Second, let’s talk about why the points system on The Good Place is fundamentally broken…

Remember Chidi’s breakdown earlier in the season with the peeps chili?

In that scene, he describes 3 main approaches in the last 2500 years of western philosophy to this question: how to live an ethical life?

·       Virtue Ethics – (think Aristotle) There are certain virtues of the mind like courage, generosity, etc. One should develop oneself in accordance to those virtues. The emphasis is on human reason or our minds – what do I do with my mind

·       Consequentialism - Is it right or is it wrong? is based on the consequences of that action - how much utility/good vs. how much pain/bad? The emphasis is on the result instead of the action - what happens to your [neighbor’s] body?

·       Deontology - There are strict rules that everyone must adhere to in a functioning society; an ethical life is identifying & following those rules. The emphasis is on the action instead of the result - what do I do with my body?

(::screeches:: I’m VASTLY over-simplifying here.)

Each philosophical system Chidi outlines makes a priority choice with regards to my mind, my body, and your body. Each takes the mind, body, and other’s bodies into account, but each prioritizes one over the other as the loci – or starting place/lens - from which to answer the question, how to live an ethical life?

The Good Place uses Doug Forcett as the prime example this dynamic because he’s as close to a control group you can have in the story. He is the story-telling embodiment of this tension:

In any ethical system you cannot separate your mind (what you think/believe) from your body (your actions in the real world) or from the bodies of others (the consequences of those actions). 

Please hear what I’m not saying - that these ethical systems are wrong. I am simply saying that none of them completely account for how three parts are inter-connected. 

Doug’s attempt to live an ethical life is endlessly, hopelessly tangled in this ethical web. This is the catalyst for Michael to go to Accounting because he thinks the Bad Place is rigging the points system. But when that proves to be untrue – he jumps to another theory. He makes the case to the Judge that that modern life is so vastly complicated and fraught with moral quandaries that living any sort of morally positive life is impossible.

Yet, it’s total hubris to think our way of life is worse-better than the human condition 500+ years ago. It’s a fetishization of a single era.  Even if we’re arguing that that era damns everyone. It simplifies and romanticizes the past and that is very dangerous because that sentimentality lets us lie to ourselves. We can excuse all kinds of human behavior by slapping the term modernity on it; our world made us do it. It’s a great example of how nominalization can be dangerous. 

I’m confident the show knows this and Michael’s current theory will be proven to be as hollow as the ‘Bad Place is rigging it’ theory. Michael does not know how but he knows with the core of his demon-being that the merit-based “points” system is fundamentally broken.

Let’s talk about systems & power for a moment…

Last year I did some training with the Race Equity Institute for work. They started by talking about systems. We can all name systems:  weather and water systems, the systems of the body and universe, economic and political ones, etc. Social systems – inter-connected people – are maybe the messiest systems there are.

Two important characteristics of any system are 1) the “parts” of the system are inter-connected and 2) the system self-perpetuates, i.e. the power lies in the inter-connectedness of the parts. Your mind & body – as well as the bodies of others – are part of an ethical system. They are inter-connected and there is power in that inter-connectedness.

An ethical life is always bound up in the systems to which we belong, and those systems create mindsets. Yet, the power of those systems is not in the nominalization:  racism, sexism, classcism, etc. we use to describe them. Power lies in the inter-connectedness of the parts – here, people. The last two years of the Angry Cheeto have made that particularly plain, I think.

Enter Big Noodle & the Incarnation

Jason is the character version of from the mouths of babes – his point with Big Noodle is you can’t judge what you don’t know.

So, the Judge goes down to Earth. 

That is what prompted me to think about The Good Place and the Incarnation.

Remember, the Incarnation is a theological assertion who God is, specifically who Jesus Christ is. The church spent a long time arguing about it (like in the hundreds of years) and they did because how do you define God? In the world of The Good Place, where we’re dealing with philosophy and not Christian theology, that question is analogous to how to live an ethical life? because who God is – in the Judeo-Christian tradition – is the starting place for what the meaning of human life is.

(Here I’m going to delve into a little Christian theology, but I PROMISE I have a reason.)

Did God create Jesus in the same way God created trees and elephants and the stars? Was Jesus the highest created being of God? A sort-of demi-god? A movement called Arianism argued this, but in the long run it was rejected because it didn’t fit with the Bible. There were a lot of opinions and theories – I’m skimming over A LOT, but in the end the church basically punted.

The Good Place took Michael through a conversion-like storyline in Season 2 when he became a demon who cares for others – his humans & Janet. Since then he has pursued the question of how behind the points system. He knows it shouldn’t have been possible for his humans to get better after they died, which undermines the whole argument for an earth-bound points system. But they did. If that is true, then the system itself is not the right answer to how to live an ethical life?

Remember: You cannot judge what you do now know.

At the Council of Chalcedon (451), it was decided to define God’s nature by what we know God is rather than what we know God is not. It’s called the Chalcedon formula, and it begins with we confess. In Christian tradition, confession is a different kind of knowing; it is rational, but it is also embodied. One can only confess what one knows because it has be proven to be true in one’s own life. It’s not about having the right answers, but saying - to me this is true.    

The formula states that Jesus is God and Jesus is human, two natures without confusion, and how that exists we don’t entirely understand. It is a union of the human and divine that is not a blending of the two to make one, like the combination of two primary colors to create a new one. Jesus’ birth, life, and death is not somehow less human because of his divinity, but what comes next – the whole rising from the dead thing – definitely is divine. Even writing that sentence makes me itch a little because the Incarnation is an assertion that you can’t divide Christ’s biography into part 1: human, part 2: divine. Rather, the body of Christ – the very nature of who he was, is, and will be – is both human and divine.

The Power of Both/And

Think about this: what confirmation do we have there is a Good Place?

The only characters we’ve seen that come from there are the not-people from The Book of Dougs. Were they angels? Anti-demons? I don’t think we’ve been given a definition. Why should we trust they are what we’re told they are the first go-round? We already know characters are not always who we’re told they are. Further, the judge doesn’t reside in the Good Place. The accountants don’t. We have a door to the Good Place that only non-humans can pass through. Okay, but have we seen anyone pass through it? Assuming there is a Good Place assumes that all the other kinds of characters exist to be part of the machinery that is the human after-life. Demons torture. The judge judges. The accountants tally. Janets help. 

You’ve got a system of interconnected parts:  humans, demons, Janets, needlenoggles, a judge, accountants, etc., and you’ve got this points system in which they all play some part. What Schur & co. have quietly been doing with Team Cockroach is showing how these different types of beings are all changing:  Janet falling in love, Michael’s conversion to caring for others, and the humans changing after they died. None of these things are supposed to be happening in that system.

I wonder if Schur & co. are playing another sleight of hand in their story telling akin to the Season 1 reveal. What if the world of The Good Place isn’t either you belong (not just humans either, but all kinds of creatures) to the GOOD PLACE or the BAD PLACE.  What if - instead - they are making an argument that how to live an ethical life is not about getting the answer to the question, but about seeing the world (here the story-world of The Good Place) in new, transformative ways.

In that REI training, the facilitators asked everyone if you were proud to be an American. This was the beginning of the training. It was one of those questions that you don’t know the right answer to, but you do know what the wrong answers might be. No one said anything. The trainers started listing things they like about living in America:  public education, running water, our national parks, etc., and then they listed things they didn’t like:  history of slavery, the Flint water crisis, etc. They said for the work we were going to be doing in our training they wanted us to resist language of either/or – you are either a racist or you are not. You either love America or you don’t. Rather, they said, embrace the power in both/and language. You can both love the systems in which you live and work, and you can recognize their brokenness, pain, and hurt. You can be both angry at and thankful for your community. That, they said, is how we transform ourselves and our communities. 

The both/and shows up in the Incarnation too – it is a theological assertion that Jesus was BOTH human AND divine. Jesus’ very body rejects that the laws of nature are either/or. Either them or me. Either good or bad. Either/or is a way of seeing the world that is human – we do it as naturally as breathing - but it is not the only way to see. There are more humane ways to exist.

I don’t know what story Schur & co. are telling, but I struggle to see where they are going to land if there is a Good Place without turning the story into a confession of a particular ethical or religious system. Because if there is a Good Place you’ve created an either/or world that needs a system for how it works. 

Rather, they’ve spent a lot of narrative time doing exactly what the church did when they tried to define God – a lot of guesses that tell you want God is not, but don’t clarify what God is. Michael & co. know that Doug Forcett didn’t get enough points despite his ascetic-like life. They know that demons and humans and Janets can change in ways they are not supposed to be able to. They know that they love and care about each other. They know what they don’t know. 

It is counter-intutive, but the best way to communicate big, complex ideas is in concrete, small language. It’s language that is incarnated. The Good Place is a half-hour sitcom about philosophy, and it does that by telling small, incarnated stories. You’ve got 4 humans and they died. What happens next?

But you also have a demon and a Janet. You have a system that appears to not be working. You have two places – good and bad – but actually you don’t. So already that either/or dichotomy is breaking down. There’s the Medium Place and despite the room temperature beer and medium snacks, I wonder if the fundamental geography of the show is a red herring. What if the demons and Janets and all the other kinds of beings are just as caught up in a system of either/or that is patently false? Without a Good Place, the geography of the world isn’t good or bad. It just is. Kind of like our own world. It’s something in between, both joyous and painful. What if the story we’re being told is about how these particular characters – Team Cockroach - challenge and upend a false ethical system in which all creatures in the story are caught?

How to live an ethical life? is a big question that is the wrong question. It posits an either/or world. Human life can be reduced to that, but it is always a reduction based on a lie. We are capable of choosing to see life’s geography - its systems, quandaries, and mysteries - through both/and language. The Christian theology of the Incarnation reminds me that not having all the answers is not only okay, but natural. Life does not occur by knowing the rules and then following them or not. Good living is like good language. It is concrete, small, and embodied. Somehow, it also touches on things bigger than ourselves like love and friendship and the ability to not only change - but transform. 

Why would a fictional after-life be any different?

[whatshehassaid]

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs and wine glasses

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Quiet, sensitive, shy, creative

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Soda bottles, glass ones

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

It differs, usually it’s closest boho/pastel. I just wear whatever I like.

7. earbuds or headphones?

Headphones

8. movies or tv shows?

Depends. I like both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Freshly cut grass, peaches

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Soccer

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Depends on how I feel... sometimes just toast & coffee, sometimes fruit & coffee...

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Changes all the time, right now it’s one of my own on Spotify called Indie & More

13. lanyard or key ring?

Key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Fuzzy Peaches

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Um... technically I read it in high school, but not for an assignment, just because I wanted to: 1984 by George Orwell... (I was kind of protesting my own English teacher for not putting it on the list of books lmao)

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

I dunno, half laying down, I guess?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

I have a pair of thigh high faux suede go-go boots I wear a lot... either those or sandals

18. ideal weather?

Warm but not TOO warm. Warm with a nice breeze

19. sleeping position?

I sleep on my stomach a lot.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

In bed

21. obsession from childhood?

Ancient Egypt

22. role model?

I don’t... really have one?

23. strange habits?

I wouldn’t call it a strange habit, but I run my hands through/play with my hair a lot

24. favorite crystal?

Rose quartz or opal stones

25. first song you remember hearing?

Oh jeez, I dunno... first one I think of is Love Song by Sky, but that’s DEFINITELY not the first since it was made like, 7 years after I was born

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Read outside in the sun

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Read inside with hot tea (lol)

28. five songs to describe you?

Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

Cherry by Lana Del Rey

The Show by Lenka

Q.U.E.E.N. (feat. Erykah Badu) by Janelle Monae

Lovely (feat. Khalid) by Billie Eilish

29. best way to bond with you?

Hmmm, be honest and open, I guess?

30. places that you find sacred?

I... don’t know? My bedroom is my favorite spot....?

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Hahaha, I don’t really kick ass and take names.

32. top five favorite vines?

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Uhhhhhhhhh............ I don’t know?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Those Wayfair commercials are...... quite sticky

35. average time you fall asleep?

12am-2am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

It’s either that Numa Numa video, the Can Haz Cheeseburger cat or the He-man what’s going on video

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

Why not both?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Again, why not both?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

I haven’t been in school in almost a decade so... Um... I don’t know? I can’t remember anything really

41. last person you texted?

....wouldn’t you like to know.....

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I like both

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodies and leather (faux) jackets are my fave.

44. favorite scent for soap?

I like shea butter and cocoa butter...

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Sci-fi fantasy (I do like some superhero stuff too though)

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

BIG T-SHIRTS (no pants or socks, I HATE sleeping in pants and socks)

47. favorite type of cheese?

I love cheese so... either goat cheese or mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Oh, that one’s easy. Cherry.

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

I don’t really live by a specific quote or saying

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

It’s a tie between scenes from Bridesmaids, Night at the Roxbury & Dumb and Dumber

51. current stresses?

Health stuff (for both me and my mum), money issues, crush issues...... lol

52. favorite font?

I’m boring. Arial

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Uh, I have nice nails right now and my hands are moisturized... I have a huge burn on my thumb though. (Weirdest questions....)

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That companies and your bosses don’t give two shits about you.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Disney version of Beauty and the Beast.... I guess?

56. favorite tradition?

Getting Chinese food on Christmas Eve

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Abuse, Crohn’s disease emergency surgery, Anxiety (still overcoming that one every day)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Video editing, drawing, graphic design, and writing (though I don’t write a lot anymore).

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Uh... ow?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

MAGICAL GIRL ANIME!!!!!!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light

62. seven characters you relate to?

Audrey Horne (Twin Peaks)

Aria Montgomery (Pretty Little Liars)

I don’t... really have many others....

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Stuff by Janelle Monae and Beyonce for sure

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Miniclip and Candystand lmao

65. any permanent scars?

Yes. Surgery scar on my abdomen

66. favorite flower(s)?

Hibiscus and sunflowers

67. good luck charms?

Nah, not really

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

One of those vomit flavored Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

I have no idea. I can’t think of anything

70. left or right handed?

Right handed (I am, anyway)

71. least favorite pattern?

Those really old school Italian lady florals... hahaha

72. worst subject?

Math, I really was bad at math and I still am

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Is cheddar and apple a weird flavor combo?

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Well..... I’m always taking advil ‘cause I’m always at a level 5. Thanks, chronic illness!

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I have no idea, ask my mother

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Poutine (how Canadian of me)

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Never done it, so I wouldn’t know.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

My grocery store has pretty good sushi, so sushi.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Don’t have either, so... hahahaha!

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies!

82. pc or console?

Console

83. writing or drawing?

Drawing.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

I’ve always been a Polly Pocket girl, but OG Polly Pocket

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies

87. your greatest fear?

Abandonment, Loss...

88. your greatest wish?

Love and contentment

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Does it sound selfish to say myself? I mean that in the best possible way ‘cause only I can take care of myself

90. luckiest mistake?

Ummmmmmm, no idea...

91. boxes or bags?

What is with these questions? It depends, I guess.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

FAIRY LIGHTS AND SUNLIGHT

93. nicknames?

Sarie, Sar, my dad called me Turkey as a kid (god knows why)

94. favorite season?

Autumn

95. favorite app on your phone?

Spotify

96. desktop background?

It’s Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss”

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Not many anymore...

98. favorite historical era?

Ancient Egypt... uh... Victorian era and 1920′s... but just the aesthetic... not... the uh.. lol, reality.

[quilloftheclouds]

11/11/11 (... x7???)

You guys really love this tag game, huh? XD Tagged by @madammuffins, @bigmoodword, @shadeshadow234, @writeouswriter, @bookenders, @kaisha-writes, and @penzag.

Rules: Answer 11 (77 in this case??) questions, tag 11 people, write 11 new questions.

Taggin’ taggin’ @scottishhellhound​ @i-rove-rock-n-roll​ @capricious-writes​ @writerlyclaire​ @bookenders​ @kidsarentallwrite​ @inexorableblob​ @vieliwrites​​ @abalonetea​ @runningonrain​ @candy687​

Oof. It’s my own fault for letting these gather dust for so long. QUICKFIRE QUESTION ROUND. (And super duper long post below the cut.)

Okay first up I’m gonna post up my 11 questions for tagged people to complete up here so y’all don’t have to scroll all the way through my nonsense:

1. Put yourself in your wip(s). Are you dead? Why or why not? 2. What is your favourite kind of scene to write? 3. What genre is your favourite to write in? 4. What genre do you want to/wish you could write in? 5. Which of your ocs outfits would you consider wearing yourself? 6. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to your ocs (out of context if spoilers)? 7. What’s the nicest thing you’ve done to your ocs? 8. Does your writing style have any characteristic traits? What are they? 9. What are three things you think you’re good at in writing? (NO SKIPPING OF THIS QUESTION ALLOWED) 10. Do you listen to music/white noise while writing? What kind? 11. Come up with joke titles for your wips. What are they?

And now let’s get started!

Do you title your chapters, why/why not? Do they pertain to what happens in the chapter or are they random? I do! I may actually post them all up at some point, I had a lot of fun coming up with them, and I find them clever? A lot of them are puns, it’s great. All except the first and last chapter are titled with one word, related to the ocean or ships, alluding and symbolizing something that happens in that chapter. I made it a sort of word search, too, since every chapter title appears somewhere important in that chapter! As for why? I think it adds to the reading experience, especially with the way I employ them!

Do your main characters seem to have common traits or characteristics? Uhhhh, uh? Huh. Lemme see. I tried to be pretty creative and use a lot of variance in my characters, but sometimes they just... end up that way, whether I want them to or not. Dione and Phoenix are both tall? Both Phoenix and Colin can be pretty friendly and have the same sort of attitude towards certain things. Other than that, I’m not sure!

Why do you think this is? Honestly, it’s likely more coincidence than anything. Also because Phoenix and Colin both work on a ship’s crew, and they have to work well with other people because of that.

Do you borrow real life people or parts of real life people to insert into your novels? Why/why not? Yes. From me especially. Probably subconsciously from other people. It happens! But also, relatability. Accuracy.

Do you stick to a word count in your novels/chapters? Why? Used to, don’t now. It can really add to the tension if a chapter is very short. It can hold the reader in suspense if it’s very long!

What do you want your book to say to those who read it? What do you think your book says about you? Uh. I mean. I’m a simple writer who just likes sharing my worlds with the world, yunno? Maybe when I get further into writing it, I’ll realize what. (But I hope it shows I’m an interesting person that cares about representation and sharing exciting stories??? Mebe?)

If your WIP gets published and goes far would you sign over your rights for a movie adaptation, even if it means it gets butchered like the Eragon (or similar) series did? Ohhh gosh. Yeah no. I’d wait until I was sure it wouldn’t be. I’m not in this for the money or fame, I’m here for the enjoyment of it and the helping others through sharing stories with people they can relate to. Especially those that don’t have much to relate to already.

What is your favorite kind of character chemistry to write? Sexual tension, anger, resentment, jealousy? What about it do you like so much? I really like softness. Someone trying to cheer someone up, nice caring-ness and encouragement through humour and inside jokes. Gives me warm feelings. Oh. That sounds a lot like Colin.

Which settings are your favorites? Chill cafe, Gorey battle field? Why? I like natureeee. A lot. IRL and in writing. I especially enjoy fascinating, eccentric and magical seeming places even if they’re not magical! Think the Giant’s Causeway in Ireland, or the Ice Caves of Baffin Island. That sort of thing.

What element represents your main character and why? HAH SPOILERS. Elements play a major part of OSS, my friend. How about I just put the elements, and you decide who’s who. Earth, Fire, Storm, Forest.

If you could pick an AU for your WIP (alternate universe) for a fan work, what au would you choose and why would you choose it? AKJHKDJSH I’VE ALREADY PLANNED OUT MY OWN AUs, MY FRIEND. My fave at the moment is magical modern spies. Because a lot of my characters are immortal and I love to imagine what they would be like in modern times! ...Oh wait, that’s not what au means. -u-

1. Who was your first OC? Of One Siren’s Soul’s cast, Celestine! Overall, that I can remember... a German scientist/mechanical engineer named Suin Omera. Ah, so many memories. 2. What was the first story you ever wrote? That I can remember... a little short story for school about a girl who lost her dad and discovered he had been secretly living in the arctic for a long time so she goes to try and find him? I don’t remember much about it. ^^’ 3. What book (or other piece of media) has most inspired you? AH. Most??? Literally the unpublished books of my two closest friends. @waterfallwritings​, I’m looking at you. >u> 4. How do you fight writer’s block? Badly. 5. What is your favorite genre to write in and why? Fantasy and sci-fi! Or a mix. You can find a more full answer here. 6. How would you describe your writing style? Uhhhh, I have a very action-y writing style? Unless the sort of mood requires, I don’t tend to use a lot of description and I more often focus on action and dialogue and character thoughts/narrative. It’s fitting to what I write, I suppose, because it’s an action packed pirate adventure, with a lot of focus on character. 7. In general, do you think you’d get along with your protagonists? Phoenix and Colin are nice. Dione maybe after a long while, since we both like literature and plants. Celestine... no one ever gets along with Celestine. 8. What do you love most about your WIPs? Oh. I uh. Wow. I only have one right now, but I like characters and their interactions and their thoughts on each other. But mostly I just love how far I’ve come already. That the wip even exists. ^^’ 9. What is your favorite character trope? Ah. Not good with tropes... I reblogged something on this a while ago, but that scene where someone spends forever taking out a comically massive amount of weapons from unexpected places on their person? That’s fun. 10. What is your least favorite character trope? Mmmm hmm. Hm. Mostly ones that discriminate or are based on negative stereotypes. Some of them can be done well, but not... many. 11. What’s an upcoming scene you’re excited to write? Someone’s gettin’ STABBED.

What was your first character like? See in an earlier question ^^^

What’s your most recent character like? Oh, this is neat. Who’s my most recent character? Uhhhh, um. I think it’s actually... I don’t have a name for them yet, but it’s a young siren that appears in book two that helps our main cast on their adventure!

Out of all of your characters, who’s the least human in appearance? Hehe. HEH. Oohhhh, this would definitely be Light. You don’t know who that is yet.

Who’s your worst character, and what would you do upon meeting them? Worst? The Scientist. Punch to the face.

If you could meet any of your characters, who would you choose? Uh. It’d be really cool to meet Forest! You don’t know who that is yet, either. ^^

Two of your characters from different WIPs meet! How do they get along? I don’t currently have another wip, but from my prospective wip at the moment, meeting... Celestine. Surprisingly it wouldn’t be the worst, because both would just start nerding out about each other’s technology.

Which out of your OCs just wants to live life out peacefully? George is so done with this trash.

Which one of your OCs is most definitely not living their life out peacefully? I want to say George again for the jokes, but the worst off at the moment is probably Dione. Sorry, Dione!

Is there any songs that make you think specifically of any of your characters? Ohhhh yeah. I’ll likely be making a full post for that at some point, and that’s also on each characters part of the wip page, but to save time, have this.

Which one of your OCs actually had a pretty good childhood? Dione had a relatively normal childhood, for the pretty-near equivalent of a princess. That is, of course, until she turned 24.

Who would have a fistfight with god out of spite? This actually happens. This ACTUALLY HAPPENS IN MY WIP. It’s Celestine.

1. What’s the weirdest thing you were ever inspired by for one of your WIPs?

Hmmmm, I mean tardigrades are pretty weird, right? Also awesome. They’re one of the most resilient known animals, able to survive both some of the highest AND the lowest temperatures known to have ever been survived by an organism? Awesome.

2. Do any of your OCs have famous face claims? If so, who are they?

Colin’s face claim is Booboo Stewart! He’s pretty famous?

3. What’s your favourite season and why?

Autumn. Pretty colours, perfect temperatures with a small jacket/sweater, and you get to experience the whole range of seasons from early Fall to late!

4. Do you have any superstitions?

Despite being a very logically, scientifically minded person... I am a Maritimer, and superstitions are huge. Never ever say before you go fishing that you’re definitely going to catch something. You’ll be skunked.

5. Rural, suburbs, city, in which do you live and which do you most often write about?

I guess I most write about rural, since... wait, what does the open ocean count as?? Anyways, I live in the suburbs.

6. What’s your favourite book series?

I dunno ‘bout favourites, but I like The Edge Chronicles by Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell.

7. Is there a book/series that ever left you intensely disappointed? (Or one that left you pleasantly surprised?)

Uh... I mean, The Hunger Games was actually really good, but I was disappointed by the public’s focus on the love triangle?

8. What’s one of the weirdest/funniest out of context lines from your WIPs?

“Don’t tell me the boatswain has got ‘imself into the rum store again.”

9. A movie/show that made you cry? (Unless you’re dead inside)

AHHAH I AM DEAD INSIDE AND TRULY A FICTIONAL SOCIOPATH. But, I think Simon Birch is one I can recall getting misty eyed from.

10. What movies or books or shows do you think are criminally underrated?

Uuhhhhhh Treasure Planet is one? I’m not good at this one. OH. You wanna know some shows I loved way too much from my childhood? Hot Wheels: Battle Force Five, and Storm Hawks. I was a terrible nerd.

11. Which fictional character would you like to steal borrow from any world for a crossover with your own WIP?

Ehheee, honestly, I could work with anything, pretty much. But the magic system colliding with the Avatar from The Last Airbender? Ehehehe, that would be hilarious.

Do you own and fun socks? What are they? My best friend love fun socks, and for my birthday she got me some: I have two pairs, a black pair with colourful gardening tools on them, and one with little labelled garden herbs on them. They’re adorable and I love them. ^u^

How many notebooks do you have? What do they look like? How full are they? HAH. SO MANY. Most are sketchbooks, but out of notebooks, I have... three? One’s for schoolwork, one’s full of old writing, and one is for OSS notes.

Grab the book nearest you. Turn to page 70 (or 16 if it’s a tiny book). What is the 8th line on that page? How do you feel about it? Brown Girl in the Ring by Nalo Hopkinson: I haven’t actually had the opportunity to start reading it yet, but here: “She’d never seen him at work, never experienced him as the type of person who could tend to another’s needs.” Considering I have no idea what’s going on... I have no idea?

Have you read any short stories? What’s your favorite? I’m not much of a short story reader, but there was a really cool one from a sci-fi compilation (that I can’t remember the name of). It was about time travelling and how it had already been invented, but because no one could ever go back in time, they could only go forward, no one had realized. It was kind of sad, now that I think of it, since the MCs ended up trying to travel back to their time when warned against it and they end up alone in the far future. Whoops.

Have you ever tried knitting? Do you still knit? What about other crafty things? What do you make? I tried it when I was back at home, but at the moment I don’t have the materials! As for crafts, I’m trying to get into bookbinding, card making... other sort of paper crafts. ^^

Of the books in your living space right now, which has the coolest cover? I’m sad now because I basically have no physical books here... aw. Um, The Cloud Collector’s Handbook by Gavin Pretor-Pinney is really pretty. Pastels and colourful skies and clouds are my favourite~

Do you know any camp songs? What did you used to sing in school, or at recess? Oh stars. I’m a Cub Scout Leader, my friend. OF COURSE I know camp songs. What did I used to sing in school? What’s the one with the “That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh/I like it, uh huh, uh huh” with the special clapping? That one. What’s that?

What’s your favorite fairy tale? How would you twist it? Well technically OSS includes some twists from The Little Mermaid, so does that count?

Are there any cool local events where you live? Ah, well daily we have the highest tides in the world. That’s pretty cool, huh?

What’s your favorite sea creature? Sea snakes. They’re deadly and pretty.

Do you like turtles? Why? Yes! YES! Turtles are adorable. Don’t put your finger near a Snapping Turtle’s mouth though.

1. If you could meet one author for lunch, who would it be?

Ooh, I’m bad about this. Say time travelling is an option: Roald Dahl. That would be amazing.

2. What are your thoughts on visual stories? (apps like Choices: Stories You Play, Episode, etc.)

Ah, I don’t really have much experience with them at all, so I can’t really say anything!

3. What was the first book to make you cry?

Have I ever cried at a book? Uhhhh... I may not have. Whoops.

4. Do you ever base your characters on people you know?

I mean, subconsciously probably? But I don’t typically think about other people when creating characters.

5. Name the worst book you’ve ever read, and tell me why it was bad.

Iiiii did not like Divergent. Sorry, that’s just a personal opinion. I guess it was too... dependent on a system that didn’t really make sense to me? I dunno, mate.

6. Do you have a trademark writing ‘quirk’?

I like short sentences in action-y scenes. Maybe that? I also really like using way too many em dashes and double line breaks to emphasize something.

7. Do you have any (un)helpful pets? (I couldn’t resist asking this one. Also, if the answer is yes, please send me photos.)

I don’t have any pets! I have planties though. Cute lil’ succulents.

8. What advice would you give to a person who is new to writing?

There are going to be times when you’re not happy with your writing! But any writing is helpful, because no matter what you write, you’re improving your skills to be better the next time. Plus, a first draft can be edited later! You can’t edit what’s not there~

9. Tell me your ideal writing environment.

My family partly owns a lake cabin out in the woods which we go to every summer. It’s so peaceful to sit in the hammock chair on the porch and write to the gentle lapping waves on the beach, the birdsong, and the swish of the tree branches around me. On a day with a perfect not-too-hot warm temperature, it’s very nice.

10. Sad endings: realistic, or unnecessary?

It depends how it’s executed! I prefer bittersweet ending to sad ones, since those tend to give me the most effective emotions. Certainly I tend to seek out happier endings instead, though!

11. You’ve decided to write under a pseudonym. What is it?

Ooh. Oohhhh, well. I’m actually thinking of changing my name legally. So that’s a thing. For a pseudonym, I think I would love to go with... hm. Gale Silver. Because I love puns and that hits on two major nature aspects I’m a nerd for.

what’s your favorite movie from your childhood? has this movie had an impact on your writing at all? have any movies had an impact on your writing? Hands down How To Train Your Dragon. I am a nerd who loves dragons and the music and scenery is gorgeous. Also just... so many of its themes snuck into my wip and I didn’t even realize until just recently. Whoops.

do you struggle to write for any ocs? why? are any of your ocs really easy to write for? Io is a little hard for me to write sometimes just because she’s so darn cold. Just. Apathetic towards everything, and super formal, yet at the same time very curt and to the point. I’m used to writing either a “formal” through super flowery language or a “cold” through Celestine’s mean snark, not just... Io.

do you have any big milestones coming up for your wip? (or blog? or work? or whatever?) I’M LESS THAN 2,000 WORDS AWAY FROM 50,000 IN MY FIRST DRAFT. YEAH MATE

what are your favorite writing resources for face claims, picking first names/surnames, etc? (feel free to just pick one resource to share but you’re welcome to share as many as you’d like!) Oh! I’m still pretty new to finding face claims and what not, but naming wise Wikipedia can cover all your bases sometimes. As I’m writing a historical fantasy, to find names that fit the time period, I’ll sometimes use this site.

if your ocs had a name for their group of friends, what would it be? (for example, most of y’all have noticed by now that the friend group for b’tzelem elohim is nicknamed “shalomies”) Okay but I still have such a love for that name. XD I call my group simply The Crew! Since, you know. They’re in a pirate crew by the end of the book. (My creativity knows no bounds.)

on a similar note, would they have a groupchat? (if your world doesn’t have technology, pretend it does!) Modern times, yeah prolly. Dione and Celestine would just have it muted except for emergencies, and Phoenix and Colin would just constantly be sharing memes and terrible puns.

how many languages can you speak, if any? how many can your characters speak, if any? I speak English and (Acadian) French! Trying to learn ASL at the moment. As for my characters? Hoo, boy. Without spoilers, Celestine is multilingual with four languages, Colin is almost trilingual, Dione is trilingual, and Phoenix... I think Phoenix can only speak English. Yeah that may seem like overkill, but in context it makes sense. ^^’

how much time do you spend planning/researching before starting your wip? Fun story about that! For one of my first serious wips, Soul Tied, I first came up with the ideas perhaps... six years ago? And I have yet to write a single thing. ^^’ For OSS, the story took maybe a month to completely plan out and outline, though I still do a lot of research and planning ahead as I write the first draft, too!

do you have a preferred area to write? (ie your bedroom, the coffee shop, the library, your kitchen, etc.) My desk in my bedroom!

what’s your favorite writing snack or drink? Ohh, I don’t eat while I write ‘cause I’m actually incapable of focusing on something while I eat, but I normally really like having apple spice tea or some other kind of herbal tea!

lastly, what should you be doing right now instead of this tag game? (ps: stop procrastinating even though, as i type this, i’m currently procrastinating) HAH. STUDYING FOR MY CHEMISTRY MIDTERM. IT’S FINE. NO.

Well that was long!

[cometsweepandleonidsfly]

David Sims: “ As a fan of the TV show, I felt battered into submission. This season has been the same story over and over again: a lot of tin-eared writing trying to justify some of the most drastic story developments imaginable, as quickly as possible....[T]ime and time again in recent years, Benioff and Weiss have opted for grand cinematic gestures over granular world building, and Drogon burning the Throne to sludge was their last big mic drop.

Spencer Kornhaber: The penultimate episode of Game of Thrones gave us one of the most dramatic reversals in TV history, with the once-good queen going genocidal. The finale gave us yet another historic reversal, in that this drama turned into a sitcom. Not a slick HBO sitcom either, but a cheapo network affair, or maybe even a webisode of outtakes from one. Tonally odd, logically strained, and emotionally thin, “The Iron Throne” felt like the first draft of a finale.

When Dany torched King’s Landing last week, viewers were incensed, but I’d argue it was less because the onetime hero went bad than because it wasn’t clearwhy she did. Long-simmering madness? Sudden emotional break? Tough-minded strategy? A desire to implement an innovative new city grid? The answer to this would seem to help answer some of the show’s most fundamental inquiries about might and right, little people and greater goods, noble nature and cruel nurture. Thrones has been shaky quality-wise for some time now, but surely the show would be competent enough to hinge the finale around the mystery of Dany’s decision.

Nope. The first parts of the episode loaded up on ponderous scenes of the characters whose horror at the razing of King’s Landing had been made plenty clear during the course of the razing. Tyrion speculated a bit to Jon about what had happened—Dany truly believed she was out to save the world and could thus justify any means on the way to messianic ends—but it was, truly, just speculation. When Jon and Dany met up, he raged at her, and she gave some tyrannical talk knowing what “the good world” would need (shades of “I alone can fix it,” no?). But whether her total firebombing was premeditated, tactical, or a tantrum remained unclear. Whether she was always this deranged or just now became so determines what story Thrones was telling all along, and Benioff and Weiss have left it to be argued about in Facebook threads.

The Dany speechifying that we did get in this episode was, notably, not in the common tongue. Though conducted in Dothraki and Valaryian and not German, her victory rally was clearly meant to evoke Hitler in Triumph of the Will. It also visually recalled the white-cloaked Saruman rallying the orc armies in The Two Towers, another queasy echo. People talk about George R. R. Martin “subverting” Tolkien, but on the diciest element of Lord of the Rings—the capacity for it to be seen as a racist allegory, with Sauron’s horde of exotic brutes bearing down on an idyllic kingdom—this episode simply took the subtext and made it text. With the Northmen sitting out the march, the Dothraki and Unsullied were cast as bloodthirsty others eager to massacre a continent. Given all the baggage around Dany’s white-savior narrative from the start, going so heavy on the hooting and barking was a telling sign of the clumsiness to come.

Jon’s kiss-and-kill with Dany led to the one moment of sharp emotion—terror—I felt over the course of this bizarrely inert episode. That emotion came not from the assassination itself but rather from the suspense about what Drogon would do about it. For the dragon to roast the slayer of his mother would have been a fittingly awful but logical turn. Instead, Drogon turned his geyser toward the Iron Throne. Whether Aegon’s thousand swords were just a coincidental casualty of a dragon’s mourning or, rather, the chosen target of a beast with a higher purpose—R’hllor take the wheel?—is another key thing fans will be left to argue about.

Then came the epilogue, a parade of oofs. David, you say you were satisfied by where this finale moved all its game pieces, and if I step back … well, no, I’m not satisfied with Arya showing a sudden new interest in seafaring, but maybe I can be argued into it. What I can’t budge on is the parody-worthy crumminess of the execution. Take the council that decides the fate of Westeros. It appears that various lords gathered to force a confrontation with the Unsullied about the prisoners Tyrion and Jon Snow and the status of King’s Landing. But then one of those prisoners suggests they pick a ruler for the realm. They then … do just that. Right there and then. Huh?

It really undoes much of what we’ve learned about Westeros as a land of ruthlessly competing interests to see a group of far-flung factions unanimously agree to give the crown to the literal opposite of a “people person.” Yes, the council is dominated by protagonist types whom we know to be good-hearted and tired of war. But surely someone—hello, new prince of Dorne! What’s up, noted screamer Robin Arryn?—would make more of a case for another candidate than poor Edmure Tully did. Rather than hashing out the intrigue of it all as Thrones once would have done, we got Sam bringing up the concept of democracy and getting laughed down. The joke relied on the worst kind of anachronistic humor—breaking the fourth wall that had been so carefully mortared up over all these years—and much of the rest of the episode would coast on similarly wack moments.

It’s “nice” to see beloved characters ride off into various sunsets, but I balk at the notion that these endings even count as fan service. What true fan of Thronesthinks this show existed to deliver wish fulfillment? I’m not saying I wanted everyone to get gobbled up by a rogue zombie flank in the show’s final moments. Yet rather than honoring the complication and tough rules that made Thrones’ world so strangely lovable, Benioff and Weiss waved a wand and zapped away tension and consequence. You see this, for example, in the baffling arc of Bronn over the course of Season 8. What was the point of having him nearly kill Jaime and Tyrion if he was going to just be yada-yadaed onto the small council at the end?

One thing I can’t complain about: the hint that clean water will soon be coming to Westeros. Hopefully, someone will use it to give Ghost a bath. As the doggy and his dad rode north of the Wall with a band of men, women, and children, the message seemed to be that where death once ruled, life could begin. Winter Is Leaving. It’d seem like a hopeful takeaway for our own world, except that it’s not clear, even now, exactly how and why the realm of Thrones arrived at this happy outcome.

Lenika Cruz: Do I have answers? Who do you think I am—Bran the Broken? Before I get into this episode, I need to acknowledge how unfortunate it is that Tyrion decided to give the new ruler of the Six Kingdoms a name as horrifyingly ableist as Bran the Broken. You could, of course, argue that the moniker was intended as a reclamation of a slur or as a poignant callback to Season 1’s “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things,” when Tyrion and Bran first bonded. But given the “parade of oofs” this finale provided—including the troubling optics of Dany’s big speech—it’s hard to make excuses for the show.

Now that we’ve gotten our “the real Game of Thrones/Iron Throne/Song of Ice and Fire was the friends we made along the way” jokes out of our system, where to begin? I basically agree with Spencer’s scorched-earth take on “The Iron Throne.” I was already expecting the finale to be a disappointment, but I didn’t foresee the tonal and narrative whiplash that I experienced here. At one point during the small-council meeting, my mind stopped processing the dialogue because I was in such disbelief about the several enormous things that had happened within the span of 15 minutes: Jon stabs Dany. Instead of roasting Jon, Drogon symbolically melts the Iron Throne and carries the limp body of his mother off in his talons. A conclave of lords and ladies of Westeros is convened, and Tyrion is brought before them in chains, and they know Dany was murdered, and Tyrion argues for an entirely new system of government while being held prisoner by the Master of War of the person he just conspired to assassinate. Excuse me? (The way that Grey Worm huffed, “Make your choice, then,” at those assembled reminded me of an impatient father waiting for his children to pick which ice-cream flavor they want.)

David, Spencer—of the three of us, I’ve been the most stubborn about thinking this final season is bad and holding that badness against the show. I don’t fault viewers who’ve become inured to the shoddy writing and plotting, and who’ve been grading each episode on a curve as a result. But I personally haven’t been able to get into a mind-set where I can watch an episode and enjoy it for everything except stuff like pacing issues, rushed character development, tonal dissonance, the lack of attention to detail, unexplained reversals, and weak dialogue. All of those problems absolutely make the show less enjoyable for me, and I haven’t learned to compartmentalize them—even though I know how hard it must have been for Benioff and Weiss to piece together an airtight final act solely from Martin’s book notes.

...Much like with last week’s episode, I can actually see myself being on board with many of the plot points in the finale—if only they had been built up to properly and given the right sort of connective tissue. For all the episode’s earnest exhortations about the power of stories, “The Iron Throne” itself didn’t do much to model that value.

For example, I can’t be the only one who was let down, and at a loss for a larger takeaway, after seeing a high-stakes contest between two ambitious female rulers devolve after both became unhinged and got themselves killed. After all the intense discussion about gender politics that Thrones has spurred, and after seeing characters such as Sansa, Brienne, Cersei, Daenerys, and Yara reshape the patriarchal structures of Westeros, we’ve ended up with a male ruler (who once said, “I will never be lord of anything”) installed on the charismatic recommendation of another man and served by a small council composed almost entirely of … men.

Perhaps there’s no deeper meaning to any of this. Or perhaps this state of affairs is a commentary on the frustrating realities of incrementalism. I am, of course, beyond pleased that Sansa Stark has at least become the Queen in the North—a title that she, frankly, deserved from the beginning. But I haven’t forgotten that this show only recently had her articulate the silver lining of being raped and tortured. Nor am I waving away the fact that Brienne spent some of her last moments on-screen writing a fond tribute to a man who betrayed her and all but undid his entire character arc in one swoop. My sense is that the show’s writers didn’t think about Thrones resetting to the rule of men much at all, and that they were instead relishing having a gaggle of former misfits sitting on the small council. See? the show seemed to cry. Change!

At times, Thrones gestured more clearly to the ways in which the story was going a more circular route; this was especially true of the Starks. Jon headed up to Castle Black and became a kind of successor to Mance Rayder—someone leading not because of his last name or bloodline but because of the loyalty he’s earned. Arya’s seafaring didn’t feel out of character to me—it fit with her sense of adventure and reminded me of her voyage across the Narrow Sea to Braavos all those years ago. Sansa became Queen in the North in a scene that recalled the debut of “Dark Sansa” in the Vale, but that felt like a true acknowledgment of how much her character has transformed. I’ll admit, the crosscutting of the scenes showing the Starks finding their own, separate ways forward was beautifully done. It made me wish the episode as a whole had been more cohesive, less rushed, and more emotionally resonant.

Spencer, I think you smartly diagnosed so many of the big-picture problems with the finale—the sitcommy feel, the yada-yadaing of major points, the many attempts at fan service. So rather than elaborate even more, I’ll end this review by saying something sort of obvious: Viewers are perfectly entitled to feel about the ending of Game of Thrones however they want to. After eight seasons, they have earned the right to be as wrathful or blissed-out on this finale as they want; it’s been a long and stressful ride for us all. I’m genuinely happy that there are folks who don’t feel as though the hours and hours they’ve devoted to this show have been wasted. I know there are many others who wish they could say the same thing.” 

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Garth Ennis Is A Hack

by Rude Cyrus

Friday, 10 April 2009

Rude Cyrus is deservedly rude about The Boys.~

Once upon a time, superheroes were seen as protectors of the innocent, bringers of justice, and saviors of mankind. When I was a kid, there was no greater thrill than watching Superman pummel giant robots or stop a plane from crashing into a city. As time went on, the public began to tire of flawless beings that could do no wrong, so creators began to make the heroes more “realistic”, at least in terms of character. Antiheroes like Wolverine and The Punisher became popular while concepts like vigilantism would be explored in comics like Watchmen.

Unfortunately, the pendulum swung a little too far during the ‘90s, a decade where you couldn’t swing a dead badger without hitting some DARK and GRITTY antihero. This is the same decade that gave birth to Image Comics, a publisher that needs to make an acquaintance with an H-Bomb. All you need to know about Image Comics is that it took over the canceled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtlesfranchise and turned Donatello into a cyborg. That says it all.

This brings me to the present and The Boys, a comic series written by Garth Ennis and illustrated by Darick Robertson (which I keep pronouncing as “da’ Rick”).

Let me just say that I hate this series. I don’t hate it because it’s ultra-violent and ultra-sexualized. I don’t hate it because it makes superheroes (or “supes” as they’re called here) turn out to be a bunch of amoral douchebags. I don’t hate it because I think Garth Ennis is an overrated hack who’s convinced everyone he’s a genius. No, I hate it because I can’t stand the characters.

Everybody, with few exceptions, is thoroughly repugnant. Just look at the main characters:

Billy Butcher is a sociopath with a neck the size of a ham and a perpetual smirk plastered on his face. He owns a bulldog named Terror that can fuck things on command; seemingly hates supes because one raped his wife, who ended up dying because the fetus ripped through her stomach. Butcher ended up beating said fetus to death with a lamp.

Wee Hughie joined The Boys after his girlfriend was accidentally killed by a supe named A-Train. Much of the series is focused on following Hughie’s thoughts and actions, which is unfortunate because he’s a wet blanket with exactly three facial expressions: anger, incredulity, and shit-eating grin. He’s also a dead ringer for Simon Pegg – I suspect Ennis was sitting around, smoking pot, and said to himself, “Dude, wouldn’t it be cool if Simon Pegg had superpowers?”

Mother’s Milk is a somewhat decent guy, which means he gets shoved into the background more often than not. He seems to derive his powers from an entity he calls “Momma” in a process that makes him vomit. Why does he have to do this? Who cares, let’s watch a midget use a massive vibrator!

The Frenchman and The Female are psychotic killers with the ability to rip people apart with their bare hands. Defining characteristics: one is French, the other lacks a penis. Garth Ennis doesn’t give a shit about them, so why should I?

And what would a team of morally dubious antiheroes be without a team of superheroes to oppose them? Enter the Seven, an analogue of the Justice League, filled with characters that make The Boys look like The Boy Scouts. The only good member of the group is Starlight, and she’s constantly degraded by the other members, whether it’s forced into wearing a more revealing outfit, giving fellatio to the male members of the group as a “test”, or nearly being raped by the aforementioned A-Train. It’s also strongly hinted that Homelander (leader of the Seven and Superman analogue) was the one who raped Butcher’s wife.

What a charming bunch. Thankfully, it’s not all bad, as Starlight later becomes Hughie’s girlfriend. It’s a match made in heaven, as they’re both outstandingly bland.

Other notable characters include a CIA analyst with a fetish for female paraplegic athletes, a CIA director that frequently has humiliating sex with Butcher, and recurring cameos by Stan Lee – okay, he’s called the Legend, but it’s supposed to be Stan Lee. Perhaps “Exposition Man” would be a better name, because all he does is talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk…

Speaking of stereotypes, there are quite a few on display here. For example, there’s the two fat, hairy, greasy, comic book store-owning Italian brothers who are constantly using variations of “fuck” and threatening their customers with graphic violence; the enormous bearded Russian who talks about communism and the Motherland all the time; the “East Coast vs. West Coast” superhero teams that are always fighting each other, throwing up gang signs and using the n-word. I kept wondering why Garth Ennis was doing this, and I settled on “because he thinks it’s funny.” See, Ennis is pointing out how absurd these stereotypes are, so it’s not really racist, right? Right?

Despite all of this, I forced myself to read all 29 issues, which, at times, felt like I was cutting off my legs with a rusty hacksaw – oh, look, the Russian guy is called “Love Sausage” because he has a fifteen-inch cock! Oh look, Hughie has menstrual blood on his face from oral sex because Starlight was on her period! Oh look, one of the superheroes can vomit acid! Isn’t that a knee-slapper? Worse still was the heavy-handed social and political commentary that Ennis shoehorned in, ranging from how St. Patrick’s Day sucks, to how the military-industrial complex has the United States in a chokehold, to American politics (the President and Vice President being analogues for Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, respectively), to how superheroes are evil. He even uses 9/11 to make his point, for fuck’s sake. Basically, one of the hijacked planes crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge (the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were spared) because the Seven tried to save the day but bungled it due to incompetence and selfishness. Do you see? SUPERHEROES ARE EVIL!

No, that wasn’t what made me stop reading this comic. What made me stop was the latest story arc, called “We Gotta Go Now”. The Boys have to investigate the public suicide of Silver Kincaid, a member of the G-Men (no prizes for guessing who they’re supposed to be an analogue of), for reasons I can’t be bothered to look up. Hughie has to go undercover and infiltrate one of the younger G-teams (as “Bagpipe”, because he’s Scottish, get it?) called G-Wiz. See the subtle pun there?

It’s immediately apparent that something is off with G-Wiz – sure, they might seem to be your average fraternity (i.e. boorish drunks obsessed with bodily functions), but they’re a little too comfortable with each other, if you catch my drift. Couple this with the revelation that G-Men’s leader, John Godolkin (analogue of Charles Xavier – apologies for all the analogues) actually abducted almost all of the G-Men when they were kids and turned them into superheroes, the fact that he refers to the G-Men as his “children”, and all of the dark mutterings of “what we had to deal with” and things start becoming clear.

At this point I thought, “No way. There’s no way Ennis would be so cheap and unoriginal. There has to be more to this.” I read issue 29, and, lo and behold, one of the characters confirmed my worst fears:

John Godolkin is a child molester.

That was the last straw. It wasn’t because one of the villains was a pedophile; rather, it was because Garth Ennis had resorted to such tacky exploitation in order to wring an emotion from his audience. Instead of taking the time to craft something novel, Ennis, out of sheer laziness, decided to go for the biggest heartstring and yank. Why have a complex villain when you can just say, “He’s an evil kid-toucher! BOOGA BOOGA!”

I’m sure Ennis pats himself on the back every day for what he thinks is scathing criticism on the superhero genre and insightful commentary on numerous aspects of life. He isn’t clever, creative, or even likable. He’s just a lazy hack. My smoldering ire also extends to the fans that keep buying this dreck and give it good reviews. What the hell is wrong with these people? My guess is that, in their minds, they equate DARK, GRITTY, and SERIOUS with being good. In my mind, it’s just BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, and more BULLSHIT.

Themes:

Damage Report

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

,

Comics

~

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~Comments (

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)

Wardog

at 17:17 on 2009-04-10I don't know what to say ... I am completely flabbergasted by the awfulness of this. Why on earth is it garnering praise?

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Arthur B

at 17:26 on 2009-04-10Once upon a time the publishers of

2000 AD

thought it would be great to hand over all the writing duties for the comic for a few months to Garth Ennis, Grant Morrison, and various hangers-on. Why they thought this was a good idea was a mystery because Garth had already proven he shouldn't be trusted with other people's properties when in

Strontium Dogs

(the sequel series to

Strontium Dog

) he pulled a blatant retcon out of his capacious arse to turn the sweet, gentle comic relief character The Gronk into a psychotic gun-toting protagonist. Nonetheless, the magazine went ahead with the Summer Offensive, as it called the promotion (because, you see, it's Garth Ennis and he likes being offensive, and it happened in the summer), and the general tone of the comic went from "12A bordering on 15" (in movie age rating terms) to "18 certificate and a big argument about violence in the media on the side", which prompted the parents of certain younger subscribers, such as myself, to cancel the magazine.

And that's how Garth Ennis ruined

2000 AD

for an 11 year old Arthur.

Seriously, the man is awful. I think the only thing he's done that I've actually liked was

Hellblazer: Dangerous Habits

. Frustratingly, that was brilliant. He's capable of not being an idiot if he tries, he just

doesn't try

.

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Rude Cyrus

at 19:49 on 2009-04-10This was actually nominated for an Eisner Award for "Best Continuing Series" in 2008. And comic bok fans wonder why so many people don't take comics seriously.

Thanks for the image, by the way.

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Wardog

at 20:35 on 2009-04-10For a moment there I was wondering if you meant the image of an 11 year old Arthur but then I realised you meant the literal image that illustrates this article. I hope it's okay - I chose the cover that most annoyed me :)

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Sonia Mitchell

at 23:23 on 2009-04-10This series sounds horrific. Thank you for the warning.

(I badly want to google cyborg Donatello. I'd like to think it can't be as disastrous as I'm imaginging, but that would probably be naive. I'm therefore restraining myself...)

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Arthur B

at 00:46 on 2009-04-11

Oh hey look what else Image have published.

On the other hand, they also put out

The Walking Dead

, which

I really like

.

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Guy

at 03:59 on 2009-04-11Speaking of Image, this is one of the most funny/disturbing things I've ever read: Rob Liefeld's 40 worst drawings: http://progressiveboink.com/archive/robliefeld.html

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Arthur B

at 15:04 on 2009-04-11I'm amazed they were able to find 40 drawings worse than

the infamous Captain America one

.

Actually, I'm not amazed, Liefeld is terrible. Oh God, the feet...

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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/

at 06:31 on 2010-07-11Thread necromancy: After reading this article from the random button, I'm reading

The Boys

out of morbid curiosity. I've gotten through the first couple of storylines, issues one through ten. It's about as disgusting as Rude Cyrus has said, with everything as juvenile and pointlessly violent and so forth.

One of the annoying things is that there are occasionally glimmers of interest that make me think "You know, if Garth Ennis actually gave a shit, and stopped dropping tons of stupid violence and stupid sex and stupid ham-fisted 'haha the gay activist is violently afraid of actual homosexuals' shit, he might actually be able to make some points about 'how do we make superheroes accountable?'" One advantage of

The Boys

is that, unlike

Civil War

, it's just one author, so there aren't a bazillion different axes being ground. And it doesn't seem like it's constrained by being a DC Comics Continuity Event, the way

Civil War

was a Marvel Comics Continuity Event. And every once in a while, it seems like Ennis might have something to say on the matter.

But it inevitably degenerates into "hurr hurr supes are pervs, butcher punches them." Fuck you, Ennis, for being wasted potential.

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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/

at 06:32 on 2010-07-11Aack, unclosed HTML tags. Sorry! (I'm used to a forum that won't let me post if I have unmatched tags, and didn't check.)

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Rami

at 05:43 on 2010-07-12@webcomcon: Fixed it for you. I'm afraid FerretBrain doesn't really do warnings -- but we do suggest using the Preview button!

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http://blackgeep.livejournal.com/

at 18:20 on 2010-07-13Continuing thread necromancy!

I am a comic book artist. I detest

The Boys

with a deep, abiding disgust. My employer thinks it's brilliant. He is also a big fan of Liefeld (needs more pouches!), so go figure. While

The Boys

is bad, try having your only income being working on the dream project of someone who likes

The Boys

, and feel your artistic integrity shrivel.

I actually considered sending in issue one of

Polis

(what I'm paid to draw) to Ferretbrain for a review; I may yet do that alongside

Polis

issue two and my own side project for what the great minds here could find a fun comparison. "The world is corrupt and drug-addled, corporations are evil, and our main hero is an amoral Cape [superhero] with few redeeming qualities." versus "A space princess and space pirates act terribly toward one another, but all in good fun." I asked my employer, and he thinks any publicity is good.

Speaking of "Cape" and "Supe", what is this allergic reaction to the word superhero? Yes, superhero is a long word, but so is computer. From my perspective, it would seem more likely that superhero would get shortened to just hero. Then advert campaigns about "The

real

heroes of X city: our policemen and firefighters" would take on a whole new weight. Plus, I haven't met many people who say 'puter, and compy only caught on after Strongbad popularised it.

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Dan H

at 19:11 on 2010-07-13I think the thing about abbreviating "superhero" to something like "cape" or "supe" (did Watchmen use "mask" or am I making that up) is that it highlights the fact that this is an EDGY SERIOUS WORK OF FICTION about EDGY DARK CHARACTERS not some KIDDY THING about SUPERHEROES.

Because as we all know, nothing screams "maturity" like going to great lengths to appear mature.

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http://blackgeep.livejournal.com/

at 21:32 on 2010-07-13The thing which screams maturity the best is to have everyone swear all the time, and put blood and torture on every page. The ability to engage in traditionally adult themes while employing transgressive story elements such as bodily fluids, misogyny, and rape is the hallmark of an individual whose mind has progressed past puerile adolescent fascination. As you said, superheroes are so childish. We aren't writing stories about superheroes under a different name. These are adult stories about well rounded characters employing serious themes. Just like Terry Goodkind is definitely not a *pfft*

fantasy author.

Sarcasm over, I honestly don't remember if

Watchmen

used "mask." I guess I've just lost some comix-cred.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46

at 13:13 on 2011-10-28Hey guys. I'm aware this is a few years old but just discovered the site and enjoying it, even when I disagree.

But this is the only one I think I needed to comment on.

Firstly, Garth Ennis is demonstrably not a hack. That's just incredibly lazy.

Secondly, this review seems to have totally failed to come to terms with the text.

OK. I'm not going to argue against certain points here. There's gross out humor, there's swearing, there's a hamster well-up in a zombie's bum. There's puke and disgusting, disgusting periods that no man should ever have to read about (cos girls, right! ew. The writer of this article agrees!) and there's even some blood and guts and a superhero orgy and someone strangles Scarlet Witch with a belt!

But.

The scene where poor old Annie, Starlight, has to service six members of the Seven to get in? It's awful. And a considerable part of the text is concerned not only with her coming to terms with the assault but (and how often to you see this?) actually come to terms with and starting to heal from the assault.

The two black teams who scream the N word at each other? There's no discussion of the young black man who is going to be forced into one of the teams who sees nothing he recognises of his experiences in tired mainstream hip hop lingo and posing. A man who has begun to understand that to become a superstar, he has to enter into a well-dodgy narrative.

No discussion of the good people warped into being celebrities and what that costs them, which is the central metaphor of the book.

Or the actual honesty when Hughie, who's never met a gay man but has to hang out in a gay club and suddenly finds his liberal sensibilities a bit overwhelmed. A scene that's never, ever played for cheap gay joke laughs.

The point of Hughie going down on a girl with a period is not that it's gross and his mates laugh at him. It's that he refuses to let something as dumb as that get in the way of his relationship with Annie. He cops some jokes and some pisstaking but then will not let the deathly embarrassed girl freak out over what turns out to be ... nothing at all.

In recent years, we've also seen a cheap man-on-man 'Dark Knight Returns' rape joke actually turns out to actually be a proper discussion on the reasons why a chap might not be able to discuss it with his friends. And what that cost him.

St Patrick's Day sucks? Surely an repatriated Northern Irishman who grew up in the Troubles has nothing to say about the immigrant experience to the United States. What a hack!

As for scoring political points off 9/11.... mate. Welcome to the world. I fail to even see an argument here.

I'm not going to say everyone should love The Boys. And sometimes I get a bit weary of schoolboys bleeding out of their arses and all the rest. And I think Ennis has made his point about religion by now. I do. (Spoiler alert: Preacher)

I like the comic but I don't expect everyone to be able to laugh like I do when the mentally ill Batman analogue has sex with a meteor.

So don't like it. That's cool. It's not like I'll gnash teeth if you don't like what I like. But this review has really failed to come to grips with and has actively misrepresented the text.

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Arthur B

at 13:32 on 2011-10-28Hi dcc46, welcome to Ferretbrain!

I've not read

The Boys

but I have read enough Ennis to at least address this point:

Firstly, Garth Ennis is demonstrably not a hack. That's just incredibly lazy.

You know what else is incredibly lazy? Basing your writing career so heavily on cheap shock tactics which come across like a 13 year old trying to be edgy. I couldn't get past the first volume of

Preacher

because Ennis' obsession with gore, fucking, and other scatological subjects just became intensely monotonous. His contributions to 2000 AD were much the same. His

Hellblazer

run started out brilliantly - I think

Dangerous Habits

is both the best thing he's written and the best

Hellblazer

story that

anyone

has written - but I couldn't abide the rest of it precisely because he kept falling back into bad habits.

When a man makes a career out of indulging his puerile instincts to an extent where consistently and repeatedly his material degenerates into lame attempts to be shocking for the sake of it, that's pretty hackish.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46

at 13:51 on 2011-10-28Well, if that's all you've read of Hellblazer, that's cool. When he was, what, 21, he wrote that. There was a bit of a fall off in quality before he'd come back with stories of Kit and Ric the Vic and end up telling stories of the devil contrasted with the nasty realities of racial politics in early 90s London.

If you passed on Preacher, that's cool. That second story arc is uninspired. But you missed out on a a meditation of faith, friendship, watching a man try to navigate between his old-fashioned 'chivalry' and a woman who refused to be patronised or left behind.

So I honestly don't see shocking for shocking's sake. I see bad taste. But I've never felt there's a kind of splatter punk aesthetic at work.

That's sort of my point.

I see humour that may or may not work for you. But I'm suggesting to you that if you can get past the guts and jizz all over the shop. And if that's really a sticking point for you, then you won't ever get into it.

But I think your wrong if puerility is all you get out of the work.

I know you had issues with his early 2000AD run. I never got that. I'm Australian and 2000AD seemed to ship... on a madman's calendar. So I can't comment on that.

So I tell you what. Try something like his PG Hitman. His war stories, where he reigns himself in. His Punisher MAX, which is humorless as a Derek Raymond novel.

But I'll split you the difference: Jennifer Blood is fucking awful.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46

at 14:05 on 2011-10-28Anyways, I'm off.

But, a hack writer is a bad writer. Matt Reiley is a hack writer. He's bad at the English language, his plots are hackneyed, his haircut is stupid.

If you don't like Ennis' work, that's cool. But just because you think he wraps things up in grossness doesn't make him a bad writer -at all-. He's an accomplished writer with themes and metaphors and all that writery stuff.

Nevertheless, good site. Talk later.

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valse de la lune

at 16:00 on 2011-10-28

So don't like it. That's cool. It's not like I'll gnash teeth if you don't like what I like. But this review has really failed to come to grips with and has actively misrepresented the text.

How quaint; you appear to be gnashing your teeth exactly because Cyrus didn't like the thing. I also agree with Arthur's assessment of Ennis: overrated hack pandering to things teenage boys--usually teenage white boys at that, what with the n-word thing--find oh so edgy and clever.

Preacher

is absolutely fucking unreadable and I spit in its general direction.

And, while you can certainly use the word "hack" to denote a poor writer--which I'd argue Ennis

is

, at that--his general attitude and output are pretty hacky too, in the lowest-common-denominator sense.

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Rude Cyrus

at 20:31 on 2011-10-29Here's the thing: whatever good points or ideas Ennis may have are ruined by the juvenile shock tactics he wraps them in -- it's one thing to use violence and sex occasionally and for great effect, it's another to use them

all the time.

For example, I can agree with Ennis that St. Patrick's Day is an excuse for every American with a drop of Irish blood to wear green and get sick on beer, but when he ends this commentary on a close-up on a hat filled with puke, it makes me roll my eyes.

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Show / Hide Comments -- More in April 2009

[nonbinarysasquatch]

I’m Not the Person I Used to Be

I really went through a cycle on the Greg recast this year. I started off just being… shocked. I couldn’t really process it. Then I became nervous about it. I worried that even with good intentions, it would be too weird to deal with.

I believed that maybe he would be Greg in name only and just be a new person who happened to have Greg’s background. I think I kind of wanted that just because it felt like the odds of them being able to pull off having someone act like Santino just wouldn’t work.

I’m happy to say that not only does the recast work but it was the right creative decision. Skylar acts just enough like Santino to make him seem like Greg and the writing is pretty much 80% on point for feeling like Greg (and the remaining 20% is kind of tbd as I need more time to get to know Greg’s new incarnation.)

By recasting Greg they are able to continue his story as intended without undoing the ending they gave him. He left, regenerated and came back a new man. But not entirely. Because… it really feels like Greg. He’s sarcastic, funny and still seems to have a weak spot for Rebecca Bunch.

Greg has returned at the best/worst time possible. Rebecca is tempted by relapse, finding herself drawn to Josh and Nathaniel. In Josh’s case he’s changed and grown a lot and he and Rebecca are actually friends. But the part of her that’s drawn to him still harkens back to a unhealthy part of her. The immature, obsessive part of her.

In Nathaniel’s case, his change for now feels pretty fake and for her benefit. He still seems to be mirroring Rebecca’s arc in the earlier seasons. It’s a little awkward to juxtapose her feelings for Nathaniel and Josh if only because really she’s Nathaniel’s Josh. But either way, Nathaniel represents different unhealthiness. The darker more privileged parts of her were drawn to Nathaniel, though she DID have obsessive problems with Nathaniel, and that’s the very reason she broke up with him the first time.

Greg, though? Greg was always the opposite of Nathaniel and Josh. They are romcom fantasies. The hot, popular guy who was good at sports and the hot, rich asshole. Greg represents the overlooked, friend zoned guy but he was always more nuanced and realistic than Josh or Nathaniel.

Rebecca appreciate Greg the least which is tragic as he may have been the only guy she had some genuine feelings for. Greg may be the closest she’s ever got to a real down to Earth relationship, however brief it was. But she wasn’t ready for that. Greg was too real. And of course, it was an extremely toxic relationship. They were bad for each other. Their pathologies ground against each other in a way that was damaging for them both.

The ending they gave Greg was perfect. It was important that they not undo it. And having seen this episode, I don’t believe they have. That ending still matters. It still counts. This is a new beginning… of sorts.

For a first episode Skylar does pretty good. The idea of having to pull of acting like Santino but not TOO much like Santino and having chemistry with Rachel and nailing the character as written and giving a good performance on top of it is ridiculous but Skylar did a pretty good job. I’m sure he’ll only get better from here. I am grading a bit on a curve just because… look the chances this was even going to WORK a little bit were slim. That it actually works pretty well should be seen as being vaguely miraculous.

So putting aside the casting, what did I think narrative about the Greg/Rebecca stuff? I liked it. A lot. A lot of that relies on the fact that the episode does two things I didn’t want it to do: have Greg just be Greg and have Rebecca accept him pretty easily. Again: those were the right decisions. I was wrong and Rachel and Aline were right. Who knew?

Greg and Rebecca still have chemistry. Though I’m a bit worried for them both. Greg seems maybe a little too eager for a fresh start with Rebecca. I can’t blame the guy. He’s trying to be a better, more accepting person. He’s probably heard STORIES in AA that would shock most people. He probably gets Rebecca now better than he ever did before.

It’s also possible he can tell she’s changed. He certainly seems to realise it at the end. But either way… their history isn’t great. I care about them both so I worry for them both.

Worrying about Rebecca is easy: she’s getting a bit too close to relapse. That she’s even contemplating who she’s meant to be with is troubling. But it’s good that she knows it’s not good. And it’s good that ultimately, she chose to tell Greg about Marco herself. Hearing it from his dad first probably would’ve been harder (though I do hope Marco takes the time to really explain why how he treated Rebecca that night wasn’t OK as it’s a side of the story that deserves to be told, though I’m sure Greg would rather not know any of it.)

I have theories on how the Greg/Rebecca arc will play out over the rest of the season but I’ll save them for later. Suffice to say, I still think she’s not going to end up with any of the guys. I do think there IS a version of an ending with her ending up with Greg that… I would still be iffy about but could work if done a particular way MAYBE.

Meanwhile, Josh Chan: Goddamn, I’m still loving everything they are doing with Josh this season. So amazing seeing his status as the popular kid getting deconstructed. See, Josh has always represented a trope that is more from teen romcoms. He’s the popular guy who is good at sports… but with Josh it’s sort of a what if? Because Josh Chan grew up.

In this episode, he gets to reflect on one of the biggest parts of his identity: being prom king. Which he has now learned is a lie. And worst of all, thanks to George (which, whoa, plot twist) he’s now realised that maybe he didn’t have it as great as he thought. Josh, beneath it all, is really a bit of a dork. But like a lot of jocks he’s had to suppress that to stay popular. We’ve heard him mention his magic in the past but we’ve never seen it. Turns out it was a passion he hid. And he’s not really that great at it.

I would love nothing more than to see Josh embrace his inner dork. It’s already kind of who he is. The cool guy was a facade. And maybe that’s why he’s always struggled in life (well, not the only reason, certainly as Josh still has some other issues in his way, particularly as it relates to how he has treated the women in his life.)

Though I don’t really like it, there is an ending with Josh and Rebecca ending up together I could envision. But ultimately, regardless of anything else, Rebecca’s abuse of Josh should never be rewarded. (And no, there isn’t an ending with Nathaniel I see that makes sense. He’s too far behind and the abuse issues that apply with Josh apply there too. He really hasn’t even approached dealing with his underlying problems yet.)

And this brings us to Valencia…

As a person in my mid 30s… I’ve known a great deal of people around my age (and older of course) who many years later still have feelings for people they knew as teenagers. I can’t really relate as I find getting over people to be pretty easy and my nostalgia for my youth is limited. But it’s pretty common.

The most fascinating thing about this Valencia/Father Brah plot twist is how it relates to Josh and Rebecca. Josh cheated on Valencia with Rebecca, Valencia cheated on Josh with Father Brah. Of course, the situations are entirely the same. Brah and Josh were friends. Rebecca was entirely out of sight and Josh dumped her as soon as summer camp was over. Josh wasn’t really that into Rebecca but Valencia was, in that absurd teenage way, in love with Father Brah.

But then you grow up. You become a different person but for some ridiculous reason those feelings remain. Why? I don’t know. As I said, this isn’t a thing that happens to me. But I’ve known a lot of people my age who… are far enough removed to have nostalgia and that somehow feeds the feelings, making them seem grander than they probably were.

Everything else aside (like Valencia having a girlfriend and Brah being married to Jesus) it’s not like the two of them could just start dating. They are different people. But hey, again: mirroring Rebecca, this time with Greg.

This also recontexualises all those old scenes with Josh talking to Father Brah about his relationship with Valencia and his feelings for Rebecca. It’s one of my favourite narrative techniques, where new information shines a light on old events. And it’s funny but I’ll be gosh darned if I can think of a single direct Valencia/Brah interaction before now. Sure, they’ve been in the same room a few times but… this plot 100% tracks. I’m sure that’s a mixture of planning and accident but hey, nice.

Heather was so fucking funny this episode. It was kind of nice seeing a bit of the older Heather back. That said, I feel like all the weirdness with the pronouns and her assuming Valencia’s ex-lover was a woman were unnecessary. For one thing, obviously Valencia was never close to another woman before Rebecca and Heather (and all the fans) know that. For another… it’s just distracting. I would have preferred at best her speculating about different men and women. I get what they were trying to do but it was a bit of a misstep in an otherwise basically perfect episode.

I do have one other minor-ish complaint about Valencia’s plot and it’s this: ultimately, her plot means very little for her. It does, however, mean a lot for Father Brah. It recontextualises and adds another layer to his relationship with Josh and presents a more nuanced view of a Catholic priest (that doesn’t involve him being a terrible person or a creeper.)

What does it tell us about Valencia? Nothing really. We already know she wasn’t happy with Josh. We already know she was attracted to men who weren’t Josh. And it’s not like she was going to leave Beth for fucking Father Brah LOL. So what was the point for her? None really. Which only hurts in that we’ve been so starved for Valencia development. But whatevs. I’ll take what I can get. This was a (mostly) good plot and Gabrielle always kills with what she’s given.

Am I going to wade into arguing about whether Valencia is bi or a lesbian? No, I am not. It’s not actually important and arguing about it is a waste of everyone’s time and energy given there are straight fans out there who don’t even buy her being with a woman… Maybe we should focus more on that and less on arguing about what kind of woman who loves women she really is? 

That said, the writers and Gabrielle have said she’s bi and that does track with how she’s been presented, so take that as you will. I’m sure we can all agree we wish her sexuality had been better explored but honestly aside from that she’s still one of the least tropey bi female characters I’ve ever seen and nothing about her really contradicts really lived human experiences.

The Songs:

Hello, Nice to Meet You: Look, I’ve been pretty supportive of Rachel taking a rest song wise this season but I’ll be honest: it was really good to see her singing again. This is a great introduction to the new Greg and HOLY COW MY THEORY ABOUT GREG AND REBECCA DOING FOOD PLAY HAS BECOME CANON, I AM TRUE PROPHET. No, this song is great. It’s a very Rachel Bloom number with her humour all over it (just like the arrabiata all over Greg’s dick.)

What U Missed While U Were PopUlar: I friggin’ love this song. Probably instantly in my top 3 for the season. It’s catchy and one of the best songs music video wise they’ve had all season. And it’s a George song??? Who knew a George song could be one of my favourites?

Rating: 10.0 out of 10.0.

Best episode all season and one of the best episode ever. I need to go back and downrate all the other episodes from this season…

[thewhiterabbit42]

Dark Drabble Requests

Dark Drabble requests are open!

For those of you who aren’t familiar with these, they are the opposite of fluff.  There are no sunshine and rainbows here, only dark and delicious things that don’t likely end in happily ever after.  

Because I have some leftover from last year, I am only guaranteeing the first 3 that come in.  If more than 3 do, I will add the rest to my pending list in case I have extra time to complete more.  

If you’re interested in making a request, the details are below the cut.

First three requests are in.  While requests aren’t closed, they aren’t guaranteed at this point. 

GUIDELINES

To make a request send an Ask with the character/pairing and a prompt.  

Kinks may also be requested, but are not guaranteed (though I will do my best to write them in if I can).  

Please do not make a request unless you are 18 or older.

All requests are reader insert female by default.  Please let me know if you want gender neutral instead.  (Male can also be requested, but I have a harder time with those, so I can’t guarantee I could write it).

I will not write: Wincest or incest of any kind or underage readers.  I will write dub-con and consider non-con secenarios, but I am not looking to go into super dark and heavy territory with these.  

I reserve the right to refuse any requests that make me comfortable, include a squick, or just aren’t my cup of tea in general.  

CHARACTERS

Characters with links have headcanons attached to give you an idea of what you’re in for.

Dark Gabriel

Leviathan Gabriel

Dark Loki

Dark Gadreel

Dark Chuck

Leviathan Cas

Casifer

Demon Dean

Soulless Sam

Dark Debriel x reader

Dark Sabriel x reader

Dark Gadreel x reader x Dark Gabriel

Dark Chuck x reader x Dark Gabriel

Demon Dean x reader x Soulless Sam (non Wincest)

Dark Loki x reader x Dark Gabriel

PROMPTS

Quotes vs Statements

Quotes will be used verbatim, statements may or may not be, and may be incorporated more loosely.  

Please choose a quote OR a statement

Quotes

“Hell is empty.  All the devils are here.” - Shakespeare, The Tempest - @revwinchester (Dark!Sabriel x reader)

“Be afraid, be very afraid.” - “The Fly”

“I'm every nightmare you've ever had. I am your worst dream come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of!" - It

“Welcome to my nightmare, I think you’re going to like it.” - Alice Cooper “Welcome to My Nightmare”

“The greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.” - John Dies at the End - Anon (Dark Chuck x reader x Dark Gabriel)

“You smell different when you’re awake.” - @nobodys-baby-now (Dark!Gabriel)

“Why are you screaming?  I haven’t even caught you yet.”  Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

“You better leave while it’s still possible.”  Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

“Admit it.  You liked it didn’t you?”  Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) - @idabbleincrazy (Dark Loki x reader x Dark Gabriel)

Rule #1: Never open portals to Hell. You broke it; now deal with the consequences.

My fantasies are much darker than you think, my dear. - @calamitychaos (Dark Loki)

The only thing I can tell you about revenge is that it fulfills a need. What that need is, I can't say, but every time I exact it on the deserving, I feel good, if only for a moment.

“I promise to kill you quickly when the time comes.”

“It’s not hands that summon us. It is desire.” - Hellbound: Hellraiser 2

“There are worst things out tonight than vampires.”

“Like what?”

“Like me.”  Blade (1998)

Statements 

Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win. - Stephen King, the Shining

Is evil something you are? Or is it something you do? - American Psycho - @blondecoffeecake (Casifer)

Sometimes, the things you see in the shadows are more than just shadows.

Nightmares will come pouring out of Hell when the Devil gets desperate.

No living organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.  - The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson

Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there He wasn’t there again today I wish, I wish he’d go away -- Hughes Mearns, Antigonis

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.  We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it as not meant that we should voyage far. - Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulu

Even the dead tell stories. - Marcus Sedgwick, Revolver

Home is the place where when you go there, you have to finally face the thing in the dark.  Stephen King, It

It is the eve of St. George’s Day.  Do you not know that to-night, when the clock strikes midnight, all the evil things in the world will have full sway? - Bram Stoker, Dracula - @authoressskr (Dark Gad)

There is comfort to be had in the company of wild things and delight to be found in their trust. - Paula Braskton, The Witch’s Daughter

Maybe ghosts always haunted minds, not places. - Joe Hill, Heart-Shaped Box

Things trapped for years fly free, ready to explode in pain and drive us to dangerous behavior. Thomas Harris - Silence of the Lambs

The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. - Edgar Allen Poe - @winchestergirl-13 (Dark Gabriel)??

When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.  Dawn of the Dead

[sebeth]

Crisis On Infinite Earths #2

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

  We start at the dawn of man where Anthro, the first Cro-Magnon man, is attempting to divert a herd of woolly mammoths (“serpent-noses”) from trampling his village.

While diverting the herd, Anthro shudders over the thought of Embra, his pregnant wife, giving birth to a girl: “Embra would never have a daughter…would she?”  

I’m rooting for Embra to give birth to a girl. Go, Embra, go!

Congratulating himself on saving the village: “A hero? I am, aren’t I?  Maybe the biggest hero the bear tribe ever…” *Klunk* Anthro is taken out by a tree branch.  “It was a long beast or a serpent!  He hit me when I wasn’t looking!  Face me now, animal!  Anthro is a hero!”  As Anthro makes threats to non-existent attackers he catches a glimpse of a futuristic city.  Anthro notices the herd of woolly mammoths have disappeared.

I fell in love with Anthro here.  He was such a lovable dork.

We move on to the 30th century where the Legion of Super-Heroes are searching for Dawnstar. They also have to contain a rampaging herd of woolly mammoths that disappear as soon as they appeared.

The Science Police tell the Legion to call Brainiac 5. The Legion calls Brainy. He informs his team that the missing Dawnstar and wooly mammoths are the least of their concerns: “There’s anti-matter energy moving toward the earth from somewhere I still can’t determine! Enough energy to destroy not only us but the universe!”

Back to present day Gotham City as Batman battles the Joker.  The Joker has murdered Harold J. Standish III because he wanted ownership of the millionaire’s copyrights. The fight is interrupted by the Flash who is requesting aid: “…Help me!  Help someone…anyone!  Please…Please…can’t you see the world?  I…It’s dying all around me!  Iris…Dying…the world is dying…may already be dead…save us…save us…save us…”  

An unnerved Joker orders Batman to inform the Flash that he has no jurisdiction in Gotham City. The Joker has a hissy when Batman doesn’t order Barry to leave: “You caped and corpses-to-come have some sort of secret reciprocal deal, don’t you?”

What’s this? A Batman that treats his fellow heroes with respect instead of acting like a territorial douchebag for no reason? Shocking!

Batman pleads with Barry: “Where are you, Flash? I can help rescue you.”

The Flash disintegrates as Batman watches in horror. The Joker escapes in the confusion, fanboying over Batman’s detective skills.

 This section makes me miss editor’s notes. Batman thinks about the Flash’s recent disappearance - Bam! - Editor’s note refers to you to Flash #350 so you can check out that story if you wish.  Little corner in the bottom of the panel - why is that so hard for modern comics to accomplish?

Picking up where we left at the end of last issue:  The Monitor explains to his assembled team the reason for this gathering.  “Already more than one thousand universes have died.” Seriously?  It took the death of a thousand universes to get your butt in gear? I would have thought the death of one universe would have been sufficient.  

The Monitor’s explains the process: “The Anti-Matter force once more shatters the dimensional barriers…expanding outward, engulfing one universe and then another.  Destroying all life…and hope.  First your worlds will feel nature’s wrath as your planets cry out in agony…Worlds in upheaval:  Earthquakes, volcanic disturbances, floods which will crush your coast-line cities like so many twigs beneath your feet.”

Firestorm rightfully calls out the Monitor for selling weapons to various villains for the past year. I mean, that is a strange course for saving the universe.  The Monitor appeared in various issues before the Crisis mini-series as a weapons dealer for the bad guys.  It was foreshadowing for the Crisis series along with the red skies that appeared in various comics.

Harbinger angst: “I will stand at your side…Yet why do I feel as I do?  A force, and energy…burning inside me?”.  Probably because of the shadow thing that possessed one of your duplicates last issue.

Psimon steps up, talks trash, and is smacked down by the Monitor.

Superman, as elder statesman, tells everybody to calm down and listen - the fate of the multi-verse is at stake: “I suggest, however, we hear him out. If he’s telling the truth, we’ll save our worlds. If he’s lying, no power exists that can defeat us all.”

I miss sane elder statesmen who restore order as opposed to team leaders who let a situation escalate out of control while a cosmic level threat is bearing down on the planet.  I’m looking at you A vs X’s Captain America, Cyclops, and Wolverine. Save the universe first, pissing contests later.

The Monitor reveals he’s splitting the group into five teams so they can activate his machines in five different time periods.

Harbinger continues to angst: “I am unable to resist him.  And I am forced to obey his commands.  Forgive me…though you have been my father and more…I now betray you.” Monitor, meanwhile, is aware of her betrayal and that she will be the cause of his death.  Maybe they should consider talking to each other?  Poor communication kills!

The Guardians of Oa are on the verge of completing (again) the Green Lantern Corps.  However: “No, Guardians…It’s too late.  You shall no more summon your soldiers than prove a threat to my plans.  What began with you so many centuries ago…ends with you now!!!” *SKRAAAAAA!* Huge explosion and unconscious guardians.  How many threats to the universe have the Guardians created at this point?  We have the Manhunters, the voice holding the grudge, later on its Parallax.  Maybe the Guardians should be neutered for the sake of the universe?

 A shaken Batman summons Supeman (Earth-1) to discuss his vision of the Flash. Superman arrives late as had to deal with an unexpected volcanic eruption in the Mediterranean. Remember, the Monitor warned earlier that natural disasters were the first sign the Crisis was nearing your planet.

Pariah briefly appears to repeat his gloom and doom mantra.

Batman and Superman share a look that all but says “Do you know this emo freak?”

Bruce notes: “He said the earth was dying. That’s what Flash said. What’s going on here?”

On to Kamandi’s world. For those unfamiliar with Kamandi - think Planet of the Apes.  Animals have become the sentient rulers and humans are hunted.  Kamandi is investigating a huge tower that has suddenly materialized.  Kamandi encounters Superman (Earth-2), King Solavar, and Dawnstar.  Kamandi recognizes Superman as he has met Earth-1 Superman.  Kamandi is initially fearful of Solovar due to the political situation of his planet. Shadow demon attack!  Solovar is wounded defending Kamandi.  

Harbinger apparently rescued the Luthor baby from the abandoned JLA headquarters.  Lyla checks on him only to discovers he aged up to childhood.

Arion, Obsidian, and Psycho-Pirate travel to pre-sunken Atlantis circa 40,000 year in the past. We meet Lady Chian, Arion’s love interest.  Pariah appears, Psycho-Pirate uses his abilities to make Pariah laugh. Pariah acts like it’s a fate worse than death.  You would think after his eternal suffering emo act he would appreciate a few moments of levity.

Psycho-Pirate attacks the Atlanteans only to be stopped by Arion and Obsidian.  Psycho-Pirate disappears in a flash of light.  A mysterious voice tells the Pirate he will “serve me as I demand”.

The Monitor is frustrated by the disappearance of Psycho-Pirate: “My dear, I needed him more than either Obsidian or Arion.  The menace we deal with is one of emotion”.  Equally frustrating for the Monitor is his inability to find Raven: “I can find no trace of her. If she is on this earth, everything about her has been changed.”

I’m mentally trying to sync up the Teen Titans storylines with the Crisis.  Teen Titans was one of my main titles in the 1980s but it has been over 20 years since Crisis on Infinite Earths. I know we’re past the Judas Contract and Donna’s wedding and pre-Starfire’s return to her planet. I can’t remember if the second battle with Trigon has occurred yet – the one where Raven becomes red and four-eyed and ensnares the Titans in their worst nightmares.  It would explain the “changed” life if the Crisis is happening during or in the immediate aftermath of the Trigon battle.

Finally: “Lyla, my dear, get me the file on the new Dr. Light!  It is time for me to create her!”  

Pariah reveals more of his origin: “No, not from this earth, but another…the first that fell when this insanity began.  But long after I was cursed for an evil act I had committed.  A deed I have paid for a thousand times over, and must suffer still a thousand times more.  I witness tragedy and my being here means disaster is soon to strike.”  Pariah mentioned his “great sin” last issue too.  

Pariah:

1)  From the first universe to die in the Crisis. How long ago did the Crisis begin? The Monitor noted earlier that over one thousand universes have perished – has this taken months, years, decades?

2) Survived the Crisis but committed a horrendous act “long after”.

3)  Someone very powerful cursed him to suffer for eternity.

Pariah finishes his “woe is me” speech by noting “Anti-matter will sweep throughout this universe. In a matter of hours from now, your earth will die!”

Arion, Obsidian, and the Atlanteans look to the sky and witness the arrival of the anti-matter wave.

Another awesome issue. George Perez’s art is gorgeous as usual. Marv Wolfman’s writing is terrific. He’s handling a huge cast of characters and nailing it. The big crossover events aren’t my thing, I find most to be average at best but Crisis is amazing.

The issue ends with the possessed Harbinger reporting to they mysterious man in black.

I continue to miss aspects from this era of comics:  editor’s notes, sound effects, heroes working together instead of mindlessly brawling, c-list and obscure characters (my favorite type), and the sheer scope of the DC multiverse.  Bonus points for the amount of content packed into a single issue.