#because he was never supposed to be loved or join m9

[edelgarfield]

I'm so sorry everyone essek in c3 has awoken me like a sleeper agent. I sincerely apologize for being pathetic and ask for forgiveness from the lesbian council but i am not immune to sad war criminal.

[peach-the-owl]

How about a scenario with each of the M9 where the child calls them Mom or Dad.

Yes… just yes 😊

You call them Mom/Dad

Child of the Nein (Mighty Nein & Child!Reader)

Jester

You and Jester were shopping and causing some mischief around Zadash, nothing crazy of course. Something caught the corner of your eye, a doll dressed up like a warrior was sitting proud in the window display of a toy shop making your eyes sparkle with excitment. You run over to Jester and tug at her dress while bouncing in you feet.

"Mommy! Mommy look! Can I get that doll please?" You say without a second thought, pointing towards the shop. Jester looks at you astonished for a moment, this was the first time you’d called her mom. You give her a confused look when she doesn’t respond right away and watch her press her hands together as if she were about to pray and a large smile stretch across her face.

"You think of me as your momma?" Despite the smile Jester sounded like she was about to cry. You tilt your head to the side confused, had you said something wrong?

"I’m sorry, should I not-"

"No no, don’t be sorry." Jester quickly cuts you off. "I’ll happily be you momma!" She picks you up and places a few kisses on your cheek and forehead before placing you back down and taking your hands in hers. "Now let’s go get you that doll." With that you both practically skip over to the toy store. You were really glad you got to meet Jester, she was everything you wanted in a mom, especially compared to your old caretaker, whatever happened to them? You didn’t know and you didn’t care anymore because now you had someone who actually loved and cared about you.

Nott

You’d accidentally called mom once before but Nott had easily accepted the roll, having already seen you as her own child. Afterwards it came a little easier to refer to her as such but only when you’re in towns or cities on a small break between adventures. It was kinda funny in a way how it was easy to call her mom in such domestic places but once you were on the road again you'd go back to calling her by name. Nott didn’t mind of course, adventures were intense with little time to think about names and/or titles so it wasn’t much of a surprise that you would do this.

Caleb

Caleb has always tried to distance himself from others, scared to let people into the shell that is his life and yet you had still managed to find a way in. At first he’d brush it all off finding an excuse for why you were just tagging along with him, but over the years he began to warm up to you, seeing as you were his only loyal company besides Frumpkin before you’d met the rest of the Nein.

"Hey, Caleb?" Your little voice pulls him away from his daydreaming. "I want to show you something, I’ve been practicing really hard." He shifts a bit so his full attention is on you. You take a deep breath and pull a cocoon from your bag, Caleb’s taught you a lot now it was time to put it to the test. There’s a slight glow and flash Caleb watches as you body shifts and turns into the form of a cat, your cat form pads over to him and hops up for a closer look. With a quick gesture of his hands the spell wears off and you quickly change back to yourself, you stare up at him with a large smile as he gives you a proud look.

"If that was your first time successfully casting Polymorph you did wonderfully, I’m proud of you." He kneels down and places a hand on your shoulder, a small smile placed on his features.

"Thanks!" You beam at him, giggling a little. "But that’s because I’ve got you as my teacher papa." The word sorta slipped out without your knowledge, effectively shocking him. You happily skip off to tell everyone what you just accomplished, leaving Caleb still kneeling down in deep thought.

You’d called him papa, you saw him as a father figure, someone to look up to and depend on. You looked at him the opposite of how he saw himself, and had done so without a second thought or regret. "I don’t deserve this." He mutters to himself as he watches you skip over to Jester and Nott to tell them of your accomplishments.

Caduceus

You let out a huff, confused and conflicted on what your thoughts were doing, was this supposed to be a good thing or a bad one. Caduceus walks into the little inn room seeing you huff around a little.

"You alright? You’ve been huffing around a lot." He stares at you concerned. You look up at him and he could now see the slight gloss that glazed over your eyes, he kneels down and you instinctively walk into his waiting arms. "Would you like to talk about it?" He asks calmly, you nod after a moment.

"It’s been so long since the last time I saw my family and…" You hold back a small sob, "and I can’t remember what they look like anymore. Is that bad? I’m I a bad kid for forgetting my own family?" A few tears spill over but Caduceus catches them.

"Tell me, do you still know their names?" You nod your head. "Can you still remember the lessons they taught you, or maybe the games they played with you?" Again you nod. "Then you haven’t forgotten them, so long as you still have memories with them you haven’t forgotten them. You’re not a bad kid, far from it."

"Thank you papa." You pause, having caught your own words and look up at Caduceus. He looks surprised at first, but that quickly turns to a gentle smile and he places a soft kiss to the top of your head. You didn’t think much on it before but you had to admit every time you tried to picture your father in your head all you could see was Caduceus, and honestly that wasn’t so bad.

Fjord

Being back in Port Damali always left a nice yet uncomfortable feeling to you, it was where you were raised with the beautiful open sea but the conditions you were raised in weren’t exactly ideal. Which is why you were always greatful when Fjord had agreed to take you with him all that time ago. You find yourself walking along the beach, old habits die hard I guess, not that you minded. You hear someone come walking up from behind and look over at Fjord as he approches.

"Brings back memories doesn’t it." He says, taking a seat on the sand, you join him.

"Yeah, it felt like so long ago… time's weird when adventuring." This earns you a chuckle.

"It sure can be. You know we could recreate that scenario, I could pretend to be unconscious and you aggressively poke me with a stick." He jokes, now getting a chuckle out of you.

"That’s stupid," you playfully push his shoulder. "Don’t be ridiculous dad." You quickly place a hand over your mouth once you’d caught what you just said. Slowly you turn to look at Fjord who’s staring right back, a look of astonishment on his face.

"Did you just call me dad?" You didn’t notice the smile that started to form on his face.

"I’m sorry, I just sorta slipped out, I didn’t mean t-"

"You see me as your father?" He cuts you off a bit, his voice filled with joy. You turn to face him again, seeing him giving you such a caring and joyful smile.

"Well, yeah… I-I guess. You were the first person who treated me so nicely and you took me along with you, it just… felt right to say." You admit a little sheepishly.

"Then by all means, don’t let me stop you." Fjord then pulls you closer to him and stands up with you in his arms, as he places a gentle kiss to you temple. You were glad you had decided to take that beach walk all that time ago, meeting Fjord was by far the best thing to ever happen to you. As for Fjord he was happy to give you something he never had as a child, a father to look up to and depend on.

Beau

Another day another training session, kicks and punches being thrown every which way, thankfully you had the stamina to keep up with Beau. It could be a little tiring but it was necessary to keep your reflexes sharp, then you get punched in the jaw, not too hard that it'd break but enough to leave a bruise later.

"Don’t go drifting off into Lala land. Keep your eyes on the enemy or else that’s going to happen again." You give her a thumbs up and make sure you dodge the next attack she throws at you. When your training is finally over you take a seat and rub at your jaw a bit, feeling where the bruise was forming. "Here, this’ll help." Beau sits down next to you and hands you a healing potion and a cup of water.

"Thanks mom." You say nonchalantly.

"What did you just call me?" Beau asks in surprise. It takes you a second to actually register what you just said, you go stiff when realization sets in.

"Ummm, n-nothing I just said thanks." You look away to try and hide your embarrassment.

"I’m falling for that (y/n). Do you seriously see me as a mother or something?" Beau asks, genuinely curious to your responce. You let out a sigh.

"Yeah, kinda." You finally admit. "It’s just that even though I know you don’t care much for stuff like this, you treat me better then my real parents ever have… guess I just started projecting a little." You scratch at the back of your head and look away from her a little, feeling embarrassed to finally admit to all this. Beau places an arm around your shoulder and pulls you in closer to her side.

"I’ve never claimed to be good at this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I like you kid, you got a good spirit to you. So if you want to see me as a sort of mother figure then sure I’ll take it, and if your parents somehow found out and don’t like it that’s just too bad for them." She puts on a goofy smile and ruffles at your hair, making you relax and laugh a little at her antics.

Yasha

One of the few things you liked when it was just you and Yasha traveling alone was the number of flower fields you managed to come across, Yasha’s love and collection of flowers had passed over to you. You spend hours looking through the wildflowers until you found a good handful of them that you and Yasha would then braid into each other’s hair (if your hair is long enough), or sometimes you’d just roll around in the grass. It wasn’t much but these little moments were nice temporary distractions from the troubles that weighed you both down. After putting in the last flower to Yasha’s braid she stands and looks at you.

"How do I look?"

"You look like and angel mama." She body stiffens and her breath hitches a little at your words.

"You-you called me mama." Hearing her say it out loud made you realize your mistake.

"I’m sorry, it just slipped out." You apologize, now feeling bad for the slip of your tounge.

"No, i-it’s ok. Just surprising." She kneels down and gently pulls you in for a hug which you return. "You know…" Yasha starts but let’s her words drift a bit before continuing. "Zuala and I had always wanted a child."

"You have?" You look up at her with big, curious eyes at the mention of her deceased wife.

"Yeah… and I always thought if we did, they would be a lot like you." You smile and cuddle into her more as she tightens her grip on you a bit, as if the second she lets go you’d disappear from her. You stayed like that in the field for who knows how long, just savouring each others presents.

Molly

Taverns, where you can get all the latest gossip, at least decent meals and loads of entertainment from drunken idiots thinking they're some big hotshot, and music one can never forget the music. Taverns were also a place where sketchy individuals would prey on poor unsuspecting souls, which is why you were always super careful and alert to the people you would interact with. Some said sketchy individuals had just asked you "innocently" to join them and see something cool in the alleyway, you had to hold back a laugh at these armatures, did they really think you for an idiot just because you were young? Well that wasn’t going to stop you from having a little fun of your own.

"Before we go, I should really ask if it’s ok." You say faking your own innocence, except yours was much more convincing as you make your way over to the bar where Molly was flirting with one of the locals. You tug on his coat to get his attention, he gives you a quick side glance. "Hey papa," now you had his full attention as he whips around to look at you with a shocked expression. "Those men over there say they want to show me something cool in the alleyway, can I go?" You ask still playing your little game as you point to the now nervous men. It still took Molly a second to register your words but once it clicked into his head what was happening he gives you a sly smile.

"No no, you stay here while your papa has a chat with them." He say loud enough for the men to hear, he stands and the men dash out of the tavern. "Armatures." He mutters, sitting down again.

"Aww, are they really your child? They’re such a cutie." The woman Molly had been talking to coos at you. You give her a smile.

"Well it was-"

"Yes they are." Molly cuts you off, picking you up and placing you on his lap. You look at him a little confused and he pokes your nose, then he goes off making up a story of how he found you and took you into his care. You playfully roll your eyes at his tall tale that the woman and now a few others were eating up unaware of all the contradictions in the story. Behind all the exaggerations and using you as a chick magnet there was genuine affection Molly had towards you, a part of him liking the thought of you being his kid, even if it wasn’t by blood.

[violet-t-9]

Different perspectives (episode 131)

I’ve seen a lot of people saying how choosing Trent to ally with would be a horrible idea, and I 100% believe it too. However, I think we need to see how that is a valid option to consider from the cast’s perspective (and Matt clearly prepared for it to be at least a possibility, especially given the bit at the end where he showed the two minis). 

Suggesting letting Trent in on their plan is not as unwise as many make it out to be. Sure it has very, very high risk, but M9 is just looking at all their options based on the information they are given and it’s worth considering.

1. The city will consume literally everything if they fail to stop the TT.

- Obviously, Trent is bad, but is Trent as bad as the end of the world though? (Well, that is still a bit debatable...) Sometimes, you got to work with your worst enemies to save the world, it’s just how it goes.

- M9 sought help from A LOT of people who they were not supposed to trust, and so far it has been working out. Not saying it would have worked out with Trent, but it is a valid option to consider. They worked with: Lucien and TT, Vess DeRogna, and to a lesser extent, Astrid/Eadwulf, Essek, etc. This is not their first rodeo guys. Obviously imo Trent is more horrible than any of the above mentioned, but like I understand why it would be an option.

- I have a hard time believing that Trent, who probably has some intelligence of some kind, would want the world to end, so even if he obviously will try to undermine M9 at some point I think it would be after the city is no longer the immediate threat (if they convince him of the gravity of the situation).

2. There is a high chance that they can persuade Trent to help, and Trent may come with extra people and more power.

- Sure Trent may be chaotic evil but even that kind of person would want self-preservation and also knowledge/power. If the M9 played it well I have no doubt Trent would join them. He wants to get close/monitor/get rid of M9 especially Caleb, he wants to know what they are doing and is certainly going to be interested in the city. So the chances of Trent going is... well, honestly, high. I don’t think he would just give up control over the situation. If he doesn’t go and sends others instead then working with Trent wouldn’t even be a concern now would it? Working with Astrid and Eadwulf doesn’t seem too bad.

- From a meta perspective Matt probably doesn’t want to play a lot of NPCs, but from a game perspective it makes sense that Trent would have more people to send. This is really a world-ending all-hands-on-deck situation. Yes this may not be the correct kind of help, but it is an option to consider - especially since they are trying to get Trent killed/kill Trent as a bonus anyways.

3. Trent will 100% double-cross them, or try to kill Caleb, or get tempted by the city, or all of the above; but consider, they can also use it against Trent.

- If Trent double-crosses them, M9 would at least expect it to happen and would see it coming. Especially if Trent already follows them and plans to pursue them anyways - then forming an “alliance” would give them an advantage. They would have to deal with Trent anyways. Sure Trent will probably choose a time when the city is no longer a threat and when they are vulnerable, but it would not come as a surprise. Trent could very well try to get Caleb/other members killed, but they would also be trying to get Trent killed. If Trent got tempted by the city, well all the better if he ends up like Vess DeRogna or if his mind got consumed by a hundred screaming voices. 

- Now, since they are definitely not working with Trent, Trent could still be lying in wait to ambush them when they return, vulnerable and exhausted from the city business, and they may still have to fight him at their weakest anyways. So really, the confrontation is bound to happen. 

- As for Caleb, he IS the one person who knows how absolutely horrible Trent is. The fact that he is even entertaining this idea means it must have some merit. He has shown that he is willing to face his trauma if it will benefit the party/others/himself in some way (things that he considers “bigger than himself”), and of course “allying” with Trent would be an opportunity for a lot of things (namely, killing Trent, catching him off guard and slipping the collar on, learning more information, finding some things against Trent) that Caleb is interested in. 

- Also a bit unrelated, but they also had kind of a similar conversation regarding working with the Assembly before the Sanatorium, and decided to try reaching out to Astrid anyways. They also decided to work with the TT, which some would argue was a horrible, horrible idea, but they lost things as well as gained things in those interactions. High risk, high reward. Even though in this case, the risk might be too high, it is still worth M9′s discussion.

4. They didn’t just immediately get all the relevant information - the options changed throughout the episode.

- They didn’t always have to choose between Trent and Essek, there WAS a slim chance that they could have some semblance of both - which would actually be beneficial in its own ways, if played correctly. Obviously it carries a lot of risk, but everything they do have risks. It failed because of the failed persuasion check, and I’m glad it failed, but the potential benefits still exist.

- They asked Astrid precisely to confirm Trent’s level of interest, and dropped the idea soon after because Trent turned out to be REAL invested in terminating them as a threat and less in the “curiosity”/“wanting conversation” stage now. After the messaging, they quickly decided that associating with Trent wouldn’t be worth it.  

Now for the list of cons against working with Trent: I don’t even think I need to list them, just typing his name so many times already made me feel revolted. He is dangerous, unpredictable, and he is as untrustworthy as it gets. Also he is just a horrible presence to be around (Lucien/TT are such nice companions  in comparison, just in my humble opinion) everybody especially Caleb, and Essek is 100% valid in not wanting to work with Trent. Please don’t send me anything to argue about why working with Trent would be a horrible idea - I agree, I’m not arguing against that at all.

I know that it can seem like the choice between two potential allies should be obvious, but it is a nuanced situation (see above), and Essek is one person, who is at similar levels as M9, whom they still are not sure they trust completely - and have good reason not to (but they obviously do trust him, because they tell him everything and choose him as soon as they have confirmation about Trent’s intentions). All I’m saying is it is good for M9 to weigh their options, even if the choice may seem “obvious” to some of us. Personally I’m really glad that we don’t need to see Trent being even in proximity of them, but there were merits to either option and I think it was nice to see the options explored.

TL;DR: Trent is horrible and I’m so thankful they didn’t “ally” with him but M9 did have many valid reasons to consider, talk about and explore that option. It is NOT M9 being unwise or idiotic (at least not any more than normal). In fact, I think it was great and careful planning on their part that they took time to consider all the options - even though this option is pretty terrible in many people’s opinions (including some of their own and my own).

This is the cast’s game and they can decide how they want to play. If they want to take the time to discuss all the options available to them and the potential pros/cons, I consider that thorough exploration of the story on their part. The fact that they can have such discussions shows how detailed and complicated Matt’s world and characters are. I, for one, love those moments when they lay out their options and weigh the risks and benefits and would never consider M9 any lesser for addressing these options.

[autistic-beshelar]

'm loving everyone venting about Molly! Thanks! And I want to ask you how you imagined the finale was gonna be? I have this whole fanfic in my head about Molly realising he had a four leaf clover stuck in his hair and upon noticing it he would give it to Yasha. Then the M9 would deal with Trent and Molly would finally know how terrible of a person the dude was. And then the M9 would introduce Molly to everyone else they met and visit every place they left better than they found it.

that's so sweet!

it's weird, because while like every other molly fan, i've had thoughts on his resurrection and a fic series i'm working on, but i'd never really... thought about the end of the campaign, or what it might be like?

(ETA this ended up so long im so sorry i have a lot to say apparently and this isn't even all of it)

my biggest and most important thing: they are a family. they belong together. maybe they'll go off on their own for a while, or stay with their families, but the nein belong together.

for fjord... he spent so long trying to be someone else, and while he's learning how to be his own person now, he deserves closure on that part of himself. he deserves a last conversation with vandren, and then to move on, to explore new places, to find new goals for himself. there is so much for him now, the open sea with so much life and promise. he buys a ship, a new ship, all his own, not one borrowed or stolen from another, and jester paints its name, decorates its quarters, makes it a home. he wrangles the nein (yes, even veth, yes, even essek) into joining him, and they set sail, all nine of them, the way it couldn't be the first time. he shows molly the ropes, teaches essek how to navigate, and watches his crew, his friends, his family, learning from him, placing so much trust in him, letting him guide them, and sees how truly happy they are to be here with him. usually, the crew is him, jester, beau, and often molly and yasha, but sometimes he will leave for a time, entrusting the boat to orly. sailing isn't all he has now, there is more to see, to do, there are things for him on land now too, but the sea will always be home to him.

for jester... she deserves her happy fairytale ending. i think for a while she stays with her family, seeing her parents happily together, finally properly introducing her boyfriend, and just spending time with her mum in a way that she didn't get to so much when she was young. and then i think she travels, just for the sake of exploring, with no defined goal other than to sow the seeds of joy and chaos everywhere she walks. and as she travels, she begins to write. stories were homes to her as a child, and they're homes even now, for someone with such a powerful imagination. she writes of her adventures, of her friends, she writes of mystical and fantastical things, half of them real. she writes and writes, words and illustrations filling so many books, she gives them to beau, to yasha, passes them off as silly little things, as though they aren't brilliant works of art. all of the nein read her stories - yasha out loud to molly as she plays with his hair, caduceus and calliope in the quiet of their garden, caleb and essek by the light of their bedside table. and in time the stories reach others, scattered journals are copied and bound into books, and one day jester wanders a quiet, nameless town, and in the window of a bookshop she's never seen, embossed on the cover of a novel, there is a brilliant green door.

for caleb... oh man, he is a teacher. that is so perfect for him, and i've been thinking about it ever since his talk with luc. i think there's something so powerful about being the person he deserved when he was younger, about stepping into that position of power and authority and being so kind with it. he's so passionate about magic, and i think it's beautiful to see him come so far - from someone burned and traumatised and so convinced he was irredeemable, to someone who can take comfort in soft things, someone who some days, almost, almost believes he can be good. i think out of everyone, except perhaps veth, he stays home the most. he still adventures with the nein of course, and if there is ever a whisper of artefacts or hidden knowledge or some expedition or other, the nein are with him in an instant to investigate it. but more often than not he is home, making the empire a better place, keeping the fire warm for them.

for veth... i want her to learn that she is enough as she is. i want her to learn that she doesn't have to choose between wife, adventurer, mother. she is all of these things. i want her to accept that her transformation was not a return to her old self but becoming someone new. i think she goes home, as she promised, and i do think she stays there for a long while, a few years perhaps, making up for lost time. and she'll pretend that she's fine with that life, with staying home, with being a wife and a mother. but that isn't all she is, and eventually, with yeza's help, with the nein's help, she will accept that. she'll no longer see it as two lives, two identities. she'll be able to kill fearsome beasts and explore strange new lands with her friends without guilt or fear, and at the end of the day she'll go home and regale her husband and son with extraordinary tales of her and her friends' heroics (that may or may not be exaggerated).

for yasha... i want her to be happy and loved. she's come SO far, from someone running from her past, drowning in guilt and so unsure of herself, to someone strong and bold. i love that ashley said she would do little odd jobs - i think she would do that, go around helping people as they explore. like most of the others, i don't think she would truly settle down. i like to imagine she does have a house somewhere - maybe inspired by the clays, she has a home somewhere green, surrounded by flowers, somewhere quiet and calm and peaceful. a little cottage maybe, for her and beau, just somewhere to return to and feel safe, somewhere she can rest. but i think most of her time would be spent travelling, seeing all the wonderful beautiful things the world has to offer, being with her friends who love her for exactly who she is, who showed her that she was someone worthy of being loved, who taught her that it's possible for her to love herself.

for caduceus... i think, for a time, he rests. he's tired. not done, far from done, but tired. i think he stays with his family at the grove, tending to all the things that are now so vibrant and alive, feeling the walls he was so sure would crumble. but after a time, he would feel that he is supposed to leave. the grove is wonderful, and will always be his home, somewhere he will always return to, and i think throughout his life - throughout the nein's life, and of course they will come to rest there, after everything - he will come home, to tend to the garden, to watch over the temple while his siblings roam. i think he travels, too, but not so much to adventure. after everything he's been through i think he deserves some peace, and quiet. he travels all the lonely winding roads, all the quiet humming spaces, sees all the life in all the hidden corners. while several members of the nein travel with him, it's yasha that walks with him the most, happy to go at his pace, eager to share in that peace and wonder.

for molly... there is so much for him now. he is no longer covered in eyes, no longer has that weight on him, even if he does hold memories of it, in darker moments. he is him but brand new, able to forge himself into whoever he wants to be, and the nein give him so much space and so much time for that. i think he stays with the clays for a little while - while the others deal with trent, yasha, so so scared to lose him again, places all her trust in caduceus to take care of him. and when they return (to find him with freshly cut hair the same colours as his coat, and a particularly proud looking clarabelle), they just spend time with him, all the time they missed and more. fjord tells him of their journey, jester showing him her journal, giving him meaning for it all, and all the time yasha holds his hand, unwilling to ever let him go. it's hard, being gone for so long, and while he is so, so (embarrassingly) proud of his friends for all that they've gone through, and how much they've grown, it's also glaringly obvious that he can't keep up. he almost has it in mind to leave - he doesn't want to hold them back, and he can't help but wonder if he's really the molly they want - it's hard to live up to a memory, after all. and there is so much he's missed. they tell him he's a moron, obviously. he is their friend, and there is nothing they won't do for friends, and waiting, staying, is such a small thing to ask. beau trains him, at his insistence - she thinks it's a joke at first, tells him that she'd be a terrible teacher, just as she was a terrible student. she's wrong, of course, and molly grows stronger by the day. he has so many adventures with them, sailing the seas on fjord's ship, sowing chaos with jester, fighting side by side with beau. there is not a single day that he isn't with his friends, yasha most of all. they are with him through everything, though good days, so many good days, and through bad ones too. molly has so much time - time the nein have given him, as he once gave to them - to live, to love, to wander, to form new memories and experiences. to be everything he never had the chance to the first time, and so much more.

for beau... she is so, so scared at first. they saved the world. they stopped trent. they've done... everything they've set out to do. what's left? what's keeping them together? when molly tries to run it reminds her so much of how she felt before, how she thought to run, to leave them before they could leave her. he returns the favour, reminds her that they are family, reminds her that she has worth, and the nein want her to stay, that they keep her, just as they kept him. (she almost believes him, and definitely doesn't cry). she does so many things - she goes home with yasha once in a while, somewhere tranquil, somewhere to study and research, she travels with caduceus, learning to appreciate a slower pace and all the quiet contemplation and companionship it can offer, she travels with fjord, his first mate, his best mate, allowing someone she trusts to take the helm and lead her on adventures. and she studies - long gone are the days of pretending to turn her nose up at books - she is one of professor widogast's best (and most irritating) students, learning magic not to weave it herself but just to understand it, just learning for the sake of learning. when she confronts her father, fjord and caleb are there as they should be - fjord to talk, to use his words and his charm to help, caleb in quiet solidarity, a hand on her shoulder, just standing with her as she tears down her mentor, her abuser, and comes out stronger for it, just as she had been there for him. finally, she can put that behind her, and she stays with the soul, as their greatest expositor (though maybe one who never does their paperwork), rooting out corruption, seeking the truth, exploring new horizons.

for essek... he spends a long time waiting for the past to catch up to him. it doesn't. it already has, in a way, if only in his own mind, the once unfamiliar guilt that weighs heavily on his shoulders. it never goes away, not entirely, but time heals, and so does the presence of the rest of the nein, always in his life, for as long as they can be. though he and caleb have different goals, they overlap so neatly, and though essek has a place in his own homeland, he spends far, far more time living with caleb. he continues with his research, caleb and beau poring over his notes, sharing his excitement and passion. he doesn't go on adventures near as much as the others, preferring to stay home, but he visits them, in all their different homes scattered across the land - jester in nicodranas, the clays at the blooming grove, veth and her family on the outskirts of zadash, beau and yasha's cottage in a little forest near felderwin. he has homes scattered across the land, so many places he is always welcome, and while guilt never entirely leaves, nor does the knowledge that one day, of course, all this will end, he finds peace.

i guess the reason i've never thought about the campaign ending is because for me.. it doesn't, not really. the mighty nein are family, chosen family. they stay together, they find homes in each other, and they leave every place better than they found it.

[readbythestarlight]

for the meme: whoever your two favourite characters on critical role are c:

So this took me a couple of days to answer because I couldn’t decide who my two favorites were. I love lots of characters! And then it was like should I choose my two favorites specific to the M9, or should I just try out of the whole entire very wide spread cast of both PCs and NPCs alike. Then I was stuck with not two but THREE, so because I can’t narrow it down any further, here are my THREE favorite characters on Critical Role.

1. Caleb Widogast

How I feel about this character

Where do I start? Caleb has been my favorite from the beginning. He falls 100% into my type of good person with a past they regret, kinda hates themselves, needs hugs desperately. His learning slowly to open up to people, the times he’s (often painfully) admitted how much he cares about them. How he went from by his own admission just using the Mighty Nein to caring for them as his own found family, would do anything for them, would die for them? The times when he steps up and leads and really shines in the part. His book holsters. Like oh my god this nerd carries his important books in holsters!! The flare he puts into his spells. The way he loves his cat.

And like his interactions with the M9!! The way he softens whenever Jester does something nice for him? The special connection he has with Nott/Veth and the way her faith in him pushed him to do all he could to help her. The Team Dad conversations he has with Fjord. The siblingness with Beau, where sometimes they fight and sometimes they hug awkwardly but they would die for each other?? The way he connects with Yasha and they have these quiet moments of solidarity where he makes sure she knows she’s important to them and that she is a good person. And the way he’s clearly to this day still trying to figure his relationship with Caduceus out but he gives him books and stuff. GOD. I love Caleb and I love how Caleb loves his family!!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Early on I shopped Widofjord and still on rare occasions get some warm fuzzies if I think about it. I kinda sorta shipped Widomauk but I think that was more like because there was so much art/fic than because I was actually naturally drawn to it.

Right now and forever even if it kills me: Shadowgast. Essek/Caleb. Give me that good good good “falling in love with a man who is the literal shadow of myself, my narrative foil, a drow who I see so much of myself in and who I want to help save if he’ll let me because I know who he is and I know why he’s like this” like god just fuck me up like that why don’t you.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Caleb x self-love and forgiveness.

Caleb and the whole Mighty Nein always and forever because found family is my deepest joy.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Honestly I don’t think I have one. I have certain ships I don’t like but that’s not involving him directly so… Maybe that I hope he always goes by Caleb and never goes back to being called Bren?? But I don’t think that’s likely to happen nor do I think it’s probably an unpopular opinion so. *shrug*

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I sometimes kinda wish all those early theories that Caleb was a werewolf had been true because I really liked those theories.

I also 100% hope that someday Caleb gets his hand on the magic that he wants, gets his hands on the ability to change time–and makes the right choice not to.

2. Caduceus Clay

How I feel about this character

My boy. My son. Listen I loved Mollymauk, I did, but if someone was like “Molly can come back but Cad would have to leave” I would choose Cad in half a heartbeat. He’s so chill and so wise and he cares a lot, he takes care of everyone and even while he’s outwardly so calm we’ve seen that he has all these deep emotions going through him, he feels things so strongly but he doesn’t let them get the best of him. Cad is someone I would want to be best friends with, because you know he gives the best hugs and he’ll make you tea when you’re sad but also you could both pull pranks on your siblings together and it would be glorious.

Also he comes through with some of the cleverest non-combative moves and some really clutch saves and as someone who has always been more of a support character than anything it makes me so happy to see a cleric doing so much.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

No one. Cad doesn’t strike me as being especially interested.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Cad and Fjord. That whole friendship was just so unexpected but has been SO. GOOD and I want to see so much more of it.

My unpopular opinion about this character

He is perfect. He has never done anything wrong in his life and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in this room and then myself.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I have a couple things so here’s a list:

- I want him to like lose his temper. Just once. We’ve seen him a little frustrated or even irritated, but I want him to just put his foot down and just be really viscerally angry to the point where everyone is kinda intimidated just once.

- I want to see the M9 take care of him. He’s died like, what, twice? And it never really gets addressed. The first time he’d seen his family in years and they were all turned to stone, and it was never really addressed. Cad’s a very calm guy and he doesn’t show his worry or his grief very often but we’ve seen that it is down there and I want to see more of it.

- I want him to either join in on one of Jester’s (less disrespectful) pranks, or else I want him to pull a prank on the M9 all on his own. We’ve seen that playful prankster streak with his sister, now I want to see it with his found family!

3. Essek Thelyss

How I feel about this character

Oh hot boi. I pretty much loved him from day one, and from day one was terrified he was going to be the traitor. Which he is. But I fell for him anyway and I still love him so much, even while I’m also the epitome of that Tyra Banks meme:

I still love him though. I don’t even really know what it is. Probably at first because he was all cool and mysterious. But then he seemed so lonely, and he kept helping the M9 and was especially kind to Caleb, and as they came to care about him I just loved him even more. I like his voice, and I like his sarcasm, and I like the fact that he was supposed to just be this selfish evil SOB and he would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for these meddling nerds and their insistence on being his friend.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

As previously mentioned, Caleb. Shadowgast. On this side of the coin give me that “I see so much of myself in you, bright and curious and determined and full of aspirations, reaching for grand things beyond yourself; I see what I could become if I keep going this way, I see what I could be if I change, I see you reaching out to stop me from hating myself the way you do” and I just. God, guys, I’m so deep in Shadowgast hell.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Essek and the whole Mighty Nein but like especially him and Caleb (if they don’t end up romantic I still want them to be bros), him and Caduceus, and him and Yasha.

My unpopular opinion about this character

He deserves the chance at a redemption arc!!! Whether he succeeds or not is up in the air but he deserves the chance to try, especially since he has already shown regret for his choices! You can fight me on this but most likely if you try to attack me about it I will block you.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Redemption! Like not right away, not in a single act (no star wars nonsense in here where people think one “selfless” act and then dying after means you’re redeemed), but in one or many lifetimes of using his skills to make things better. He can’t undo the war he helped start but he can spend the rest of his lives helping to repair some of the damage and to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

….Boy that was long. But THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK @jivvin

and for letting me ramble about my boys!! I miss them desperately so it was fun to gush about them.

[disasterhumans]

Top 5 Beau Moments?

Beau!! There are so many good Beau moments!! This was quite difficult, not least because my memory is terrible, and there are so many good Beau moments to remember.

5. Her getting high with Molly early in the campaign. I already loved Beau at that point. I already appreciated what we knew of her and her life before joining the Mighty Nein (her fight with Dairon in episode 4 was a contender for this spot). But a full year and change later Beau asking Molly whether or not your childhood counts as a childhood if it was someone else’s still sticks with me and fucks me up in the feels.

4. Look I’ve already yelled about this but “How was I supposed to get better? You fucking left!” will always fuck me up. Just...Beau’s fucking face in that moment. Fuck.

3. The Lavorregard conversation in episode 46 (I think?). Just!! Beau apologizing to Jester for calling her a bad liar. Beau saying that Jester is a good liar, and she can tell, because Beau is one too. Beau assuring Jester that she’s allowed to be angry, and sad—that Beau, in fact, wants to see Jester’s anger. Beau telling Jester she admires Jester for taking her loneliness and using it to create. Beau offering to be Jester’s best friend (but also kind of awkwardly hedging that request, because Beau.) Beau saying “I love you, too, Jes.” Beau returning the hug. Beau.

2. Just...her and Molly in episode 26 and 27. While I think Nott is technically the M9 member Beau was least close to at that point, Molly was arguably the M9 member she liked the least. But despite their mutual disdain for each other at the beginning of the campaign, the two of them were legitimately beginning to get close. They trusted each other in a way that hinged on the fact that they both also severely mistrusted each other. Beau was so, so skeptical of Molly’s life philosophy and self-perception, but then when the two of them get the chance to swap stories from their past she realizes oh, he isn’t completely full of shit. And she feels so fucking guilty about the things she’s done in her own past that she chooses to deflect and share a minor anecdote instead of opening up about her past in the way she originally intended. But before she gets the chance to actually, really open up to him. To admit to him that there’s something he has that she wants—he up and fucking dies. And she just gets so? Pissed? Pissed at Lorenzo. Pissed at Keg (”he was our fucking friend” she says a person she has professed to hate, multiple times). Pissed at herself. And she then gives this open, honest, heartfelt speech to and about him, marking one of the only (if not the only) time Beau has been vulnerable in front of more than one group member. She takes his death, and their final conversation, and she builds a credo for herself.

1. “I...wait” Has there ever been a moment of character development so rewarding and so plot relevant that could be summed up in two whole words?? Is there?? And in-universe, it would have been no words! Beau just...stops. She stops and waits and trusts that in this case waiting and not acting—not punching her way through—is what it will take to save her family friends. Iconic. Never stanned her more. But then she just goes and keeps. Getting. Growing. Keeps changing. Keeps supporting her friends. Keeps figuring out exactly how she wants to move through the world. Her epiphany after Molly’s death was really a turning point for her. But this moment is Beau and the audience seeing that she can really live that path she’s tried to set herself down. I’m still emotional about it months later.

Honorable mention to every single Team Human interaction/conversation because that is its own post and I could not pick only one interaction of theirs to include.

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E63

My initial personal notes for this sort of—ended, at a very specific part of the episode, which says something about how stressful combat was. Thank you to @Alarnia @softazelma @handelgamer and Meenah for helping out with data entry. Masterpost here, data entry here. 

Corrections: An additional +5 to Caleb/Caduceus from last week for “I guess I want what you want” from Caduceus. That’s a lot

-30 to Everyone/Detective Work. What’s that saying? Assumptions make an ass out of you and me? Despite their sincere and assiduous questioning and investigations, the M9 are made to learn that lesson the hard way, with everything they think they know from the scout to the “drow” to the blond dude to battle strategy turning out to be horribly mistaken.

+5 to Fjord/Caduceus as Fjord specifically inquires “Caduceus, how are you feeling” like the considerate worrywart he is before the Bright Queen meeting, and Caduceus getting very excited about finally having the money to pursue his personal Sword project for resident Sword-Swallower Fjord when they get paid. Caduceus supporting Fjord’s ideas, and joining the Micro Plan team opposed to Beau and Caleb’s Macro Plan Team.

-10 to Nott/Being A Team Player. On the one hand, this sweetheart offered to stay up all night on watch and take exhaustion so that her precious friends could get some uninterrupted sleep. On the other hand, she encountered a peak #Jenga moment, unfortunately not making the same WIS save Vax did, and stuck a bunch of arrows into Yasha. (also -30 to Nott/Yasha, with “I never liked you” and “Stop. Fucking. Hitting. Me.”)

+11 to Nott/Jester as Jester rescues Nott from the Charm! And is also hella charming herself, all “We never said that Nott” and playfully bumping into her when Nott talks about not trusting goblins (+2 to Nott/Fantasy Racism), plotting every type of Shenanigan together from tattoos to forming their own country, and shouting “HOW MUCH” at the exact same time when they get paid by the Bright Queen. They’re so much on the same page it’s terrifying.

+13 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester A pretty amazing week for this triad, between all three of them being Strategic Masterminds in effusive agreement with each other, over everything from being in the building to letting the attack go off without a hitch to murdering everyone in the meeting. Caleb and Jester together saving Fjord from his abyssal attempts to stealth, Caleb and Fjord’s Mutual Worrywarting over Jester’s long absence, and both Fjord and Caleb’s spellwork being employed to Save Jester on her moth mission.

+15 to Fjord/Jester but Fjord’s version of spellcaster-to-the-rescue was a lot more flashy, and he suffered being thrown around and bruised for her sake. That’s love. Jester notices this and thanks him, to his extreme flusterment, gives him credit for the Gold Chain Mercenary information, and plans with him as a Disguising Duo to fake being the hobgoblin and drow together, and we all know that those who engage in Jester Plots gain points. Points taken away because the spying/mole conversation was probably somewhere around the opposite of cute, you cannot convince me I’m supposed to enjoy listening to people discussing checking out moles for diseases. Like…no. That’s gross and not in the fun way.

+4 to Fjord/That One Gnoll as he gets thrown—head over heels! into the alleyway. Also of note is Fjord saying “You’re strong!” in what sounds like a suspiciously flirty drunken tone, while bruised and spreadeagled on the street. We learn more about you every day, Fjord.

+17 to Caleb/Jester as Jester tries very hard to employ her spellwork and Pass Without a Trace to Save The Caleb (#ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress), Caleb’s buffing as usual serving as an Expression of Affection, and Caleb coming up with Goth Moth Shenanigans for Jester to spy with, demonstrating not only his implicit trust in her but also how keenly he’s tuned into Jester’s preferred aesthetic, of all things. Turning to Jester first for help with the dragonborn, Jester elbowing the shit out of Caleb, and looking to Caleb to count out their gold like the fey child he is because she’s tuned into his quirks as well! Discussing making a coffee table together! Jester alone trying to play dumb about the Scourger business even as Nott Fuck-Secrets the Brave puts a blinking sign over Caleb when they’re with the Bright Queen, perhaps sensing (a beat late) that maybe Caleb isn’t super eager to talk about that all the time.

+7 to Yasha/Jester as even Moth!Jester knows how to make Yasha feel like a fairy princess, alighting on her finger like the soft and thoughtful gal she is.

+8 to Caleb/Fjord as they continue to work Very Well together with crowd control and murdering poor defenseless scouts and their horses. Fjord being very much “on the same page” with Caleb re: everything, except maybe the horse-killing, for which we may expect point losses as he makes plans to talk to that motherfucker (before or after he talks to that motherfucker, though?) But, use of Counterspell, that quintessential Cool Caleb spell? That’s Fjord’s magical crush to the rescue, though point loss for them all letting the “drow” get away anyway.

-4 to Caduceus/Metaphors. He thinks making barrels is like putting on pants, and gets horribly muddied. Then, just when he thinks he has a handle on that analogy, Beau changes it around on him and starts talking about wagon wheels! He just can’t win.

-6 to Caleb/Task Switching This boy does not respond well to sudden changes in plans. You tell him to stop the dragonborn, he will pick the Most Effective Method Of Accomplishing That, subtlety and consequences be damned. Does not seem to process that they are not in fact planning on murdering/imprisoning Moro and her employee when the fighting is over, because They Already Discussed This, That Was The Plan, Why Are You Changing The Plan?

+8 to Caleb/Caduceus. A tumbleweed of a week for these two, unfortunately, except that Caleb chose Caduceus for his Special Dunamancy Buffing (Skin Contact! Magical Expressions of Love!), and Caduceus finishing off the enemy Caleb had been trying and trying for ages to murder—appropriately, with fire. Proving their compatibility in how neither of them mind hanging around the smell of rotting flesh, which unlike moles is romantic because it’s Goth.

+6 to Beau/Yasha Beau attempts to grab arrows out of thin air to save Yasha, and hot damn would that have been a slam dunk in points if she succeeded. These two continuing their Battle Couple vibes, with Beau looking to Yasha to figure out what the hell is going on and supporting her in her fight against the assholes.’

+16 to Beau/Jester for flirty hellos in the midst of battle, and Jester instantly reassuring Beau that Dairon won’t kill her, she’s so powerful and strong. Beau thinking of only Jester in her Very Shouty Plotting, thinking Jester can totally singlehandedly handle the whole rendezvous situation by herself and with two spells, because Jester is That Cool.

+350 to Beau/Stress (and +20 to Beau/Nerdom) as Beau’s copious anxiety-notes come to the rescue while they speak with the Bright Queen. Anxiously admitting she “thought of that” to every doomsday scenario presented to her about Dairon, half-screaming about the possibility of being murdered, and shrinking into herself as she says that maybe—maybe she can get away with not telling Dairon everything. Caleb employing Frumpkin to scarf around her because she’s starting to become even more of a basket case than he is. (Also, +12 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures, with this, Frumpkin surveillance, and cat-beats-horse badassery)

+10 to Fjord/His Inner Bard because apparently rhyming is just his thing now—addicted after “How much time, Keen Mind?” we now have the instantly iconic “Analysis Paralysis” and the return of the horrible, wailing Song of Distraction which seems specifically calibrated to induce vertigo and shut down brain function.

+10 to Caleb/Essik as Essik repeatedly vouches for the M9’s trustworthiness and capabilities “…and my tutelage.” Because the Bright Queen definitely needed to know that last part. Said in a sufficiently odd tone of voice that the Bright Queen “gives him a look” because she knows her spymaster, and he has apparently been sucked dry of subtlety for this conversation

+12 to Jester/The Bright Queen because Jester is fixated on what the Bright Queen is wearing at all given times, apparently, and gets squirmy and blushy over blue shimmery gems, and she cannot bear to leave without telling the Bright Queen how beautiful her outfit is, gosh, and daydreaming about tattooing her, which would involve contact with Skin and the possibility for Undress as well. Jester also outs herself as secretly wanting the BQ to be her sugar momma, hoping for an expensive dress to be gifted to her in return for the information they shared.

+25 to the Mighty Nein/The Skeletons in Their Closet as the Mighty Nein channel Leaky Tap vibes by bedding down with a mystery corpse. This time, one they can eat, theoretically. Also, that business with the Scourgers, and Orphanmaker???

-100 to The Mighty Nein/Breakfast. It’s a pattern now guys. You don’t eat your breakfast, you get beat to shit. Learn your lesson and get your morning calories in.