#because he knows better what is good for them then Vau is more than ready to unleash the psychological hell on him

[cienie-isengardu]

Jilka: Let me get this straight. Skirata found out by accident that Kom’rk is a gay and so he freaked out. Kom'rk freaked out because Skirata freaked out and then vanished without a word and he doesn’t respond to any comlink calls. Then you on purpose freaked out Skirata even more by talking how desperate kids, when rejected by family, may run away from home, or worse, commit suicide and this is why panicked Kal is running around home in the middle of night?

Vau: Yes.

Jilka: You are a sick bastard Vau... I RESPECT that.

Part II

[clonewarslover55]

Even though I’m pretty sure I know almost all the answers already 😂 Rose and Vau for the ship questions?

Hell yeah!!!! (I fucking love you lol) 

Find Memoires here or here

Find the game here

(It’s pretty long so see the answers below!!)

who hogs the duvet

Mird does, of course!! They blame one another anyways though, because they do both try to hog it. 

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

They don’t do this till later in their relationship, like when they’re established. But it’s mostly Vau who does this, believe it or not. Mainly because he’s the one that’s away to war more often, while Rose is bounty hunting.(for the most part) So Vau likes to stay in touch. 

Rose is the type of person that accidently ghosts people too. She just forgets she can contact people and ignores her shit unless it’s Vau. Well....Sometimes when it’s Vau. 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

Defiantly Vau! Rose is the type of person to give him a cool rock or something she found(Of course he keeps the rock) But Vau is the type to steal pretty jewelry from dead bodies, search markets, etc. Rose will do that sometimes as well, but it’s something Vau does a lot more. 

He also knows what she likes. Walon is hard to “shop” for. Rose is not lol 

who gets up first in the morning

Walon does, mainly because he has a hard time sleeping. His nightmares and such usually keep him awake. Rose usually sleeps fine, and likes to sleep in. Sometimes in the morning Vau just watches Rose sleep. Not in a creepy way, it just calms him down. Sometimes he just doesn’t believe she’s real, because he doesn’t deserve her affections. 

who suggests new things in bed

Oh this is a hard one! Both are kinky as fuck and horny. Am I allowed to say both? Because it’s defiantly both of them.

who cries at movies

Neither of them, they’re just not that emotional. Especially Vau. 

When Rose is pregnant though? She cries during any movie. 

who gives unprompted massages

Rose does! She’s random like that. 

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

Mird does

They both do it to one another, more so Vau than Rose though. He fusses over her all the time anyways, making sure she eats enough and all that. So when she’s sick he doesn’t leave her alone really. Rose pretends to hate being fussed over. 

When Vau is sick Rose gives him some more tough love. “aww poor fool. Someone who should’ve listened to his wife-” Things like that, but she makes sure to take care of him. She annoys him while doing it too. 

who gets jealous easiest

Oh this is another tricky one!! It’s nearly a tie they’re both so possessive. 

But I’d have to say Rose! Especially when she's pregnant. She doesn’t keep him on a short leash though, because she trusts him. But she still watches those around him closely. 

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

Walon Vau and his classical ass. 

He’ll listen to really anything. He seems like a metal and rock dude to me.....But his favorite is classical music. Instrumental things. Star Wars Beethoven and Bach. 

who collects something unusual

Rose and her too many blades and sharp objects 

who takes the longest to get ready

Vau does. He has a reputation of looking nice. Rose, on the other hand, doesn’t care if she looks nice or not. Her hair is always a mess and her eyeliner was put on the day before. Vau puts effort into his look. 

who is the most tidy and organized

Vau is. Both are pretty tidy, but Vau is far more organized and clean than Rose. and she’s pretty damn clean. The only thing of Rose’s that is organized is her blades and husband.

who gets most excited about the holidays

Rose because she can dress up Mird in the sweaters Vau knits. 

(Hehehhee here's a fic called Sweaters that’s about Mird in sweaters)

who is the big spoon/little spoon

Vau is taller so he’s usually the big spoon. But it really depends on the moods they’re in. When he has nightmares or just a shitty day Rose is the big spoon. Whoever is the little spoon has Mird curled up against their chest.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

Rose does! She’s fucking terrible when it comes to being competitive. 

who starts the most arguments

It’s a mix of both......but still mainly Rose. She never shuts her mouth and it leads to arguments. 

who suggests that they buy a pet

Neither of them. Mird is enough. 

what couple traditions they have

Arguing 

They’re far from normal so they bounty hunt together! But something normal they do? They cook for one another as often as possible, even if it’s improvised and on their ship after a difficult bounty 

what tv shows they watch together 

Ooohhh this made me think!!

  Soap operas

Probably documentaries so Mird can watch too. It likes to watch the animals, making noises at the holoscreen. Mird is their entertainment, not the show. 

what other couple they hang out with

No one. They scare other couples off by their constant arguing and teasing 

how they spend time together as a couple

Bounty Hunting, going to war, arguing, etc. You know.....regular Mandalorian things! 

who made the first move

In Memories I dedicated a whole flashback to this!! 

Both are horny idiots, so it’s a little hard to tell who makes the first move. But it’s Rose! Vau quickly catches on though! 

who brings flowers home

Mr. Romance Walon Vau. He loves giving Rose odd but beautiful flowers he’ll find or buy. Especially roses that are odd colors or have patterns. 

who is the best cook

Rose’s slightly impatient ass is a better cook, but mostly with quick things like pasta. 

Vau was a rich kid so he didn’t learn to cook till he joined the Mandalorians. So he learned as he got older. He can cook pretty well, even better than Rose on some things. Mainly things that take longer. 

He’s better at baking, because that requires exact measurements and Rose is too stubborn to do that. Plus it takes longer. 

So both are good, but Vau is better with things that involve patience. 

I had so much fun with this!!! Thank you for requesting this!! 

Tags: @leias-left-hair-bun @iamassbuttkingofhell @catsnkooks @colorfulloverbatturkey @ahsokatano-thetogruta @peacefulwizardfox @jedi-mando @julyzaa @feathersforclones @chr0nicbackpain @jedi-nila-rhyn @strangebroadwaykinks @fyrepen33 @mistflyer1102 @kamino-mermaid @cherry-cokes-world @darmanfi @silverinkandstardust @chewychewyque @majorshiraharu @ravenpuff01 @808tsuika @valkyrieofthehighfae @roseofalderaan @ct7567329 @jadetheaverage @anstarwar @klay97 @seafoamandlilliesinthesea 

[thesummerstorms]

Hello! I Just read the republic commando books, and then I was reading your amazing meta, and i’d like to ask you a question if you don’t mind: what do you think would have happened if Etain or kad or both had died during the birth (not an improbable scenario considering everything)? How would kal, Darman etc, react? (Not that I wanted Etain to die, obviously, I really hated her death scene; wouldn’t have been better if it had been Jusik, killed by clones because of order 66?) Thank you

So…. there’s a lot to unpack with this one and a lot of specific but variable details that could change how even one of the three scenarios plays out, so this will be a little general.

Also, the entire topic of the ask is of course upsetting, so consider this a blanket trigger warning.

All three of the scenarios, frankly, are variations of the Worst Ending ™. I don’t see any of them ending well, although their specific injustices and heartaches have a hell of a lot of room to vary. The one thing I do see staying consistent? 

Kal can’t, or won’t tell the truth.

In no scenario I can think of does Kal play a good or helpful role in all this. He is, after all, the one who had backed Etain into this corner to begin with, and who endangered her and her child. He put her on Qiluura. He isolated her from emotional and medical support. He threatened to kidnap her child and forced her to hide her pregnancy from her lover. None of that is something he never really owns up to and the situation is one he wouldn’t like to have to deal with the consequences of.

Scenario One

If Etain loses Kad during the birth but survives, I absolutely see him manipulating her into keeping quiet about it and pressuring her to return to her command and pretend it didn’t happen. After all, he’s already forced her silence for this long, and repeatedly used her affections for Dar and her guilt to manipulate her reactions. He also doesn’t truly “forgive” and soften towards her until he sees her actually holding Kad.

 In a scenario where Kad doesn’t survive, where pity and a sense of ownership/familial control don’t set in, I think he would absolutely strong-arm her into hiding the fact that she had given birth from Darman, in the name of “protecting” Dar from the grief that is currently tearing her to pieces, and on her returning to front as quickly as possible, “to ease suspicions”. “Why break Darman’s heart when it could distract him and get him killed?”- just a variation on a theme, continuing to ignore Etain’s own loss and agency.

I would absolutely then see that as the beginning of a downward spiral for Etain and her mental health. It the past few years, she’s been repeatedly exposed to war trauma, been “orphaned”, and been emotionally abused. The one certainty in all of it is her belief that the Force meant for her to have this child, that there was something waiting for her at the end of the hardship that was meant to be.

Her grief if that were proven false, if she lost the baby she wanted so desperately, would be immense. More than that, Etain would absolutely be vulnerable to guilt and to Kal’s manipulation, and I 100% believe she could (would) be convinced it was her fault. She was the one who chose to walk into the minefield (stupid). She was the one who got pregnant during a war. (stupid). She was the one who risked, and ultimately lost her child’s life. (Whether or not that’s an entirely fair assessment.) 

From there, it isn’t very far for Kal to lead her to just… not mentioning it to Dar in order to protect him from the misery she’s feeling and “has no right to inflict on him”, especially when he never knew to begin with. (And that’s a little bit more than she can face, the idea of having to tell look Dar in the eye and tell him she lost their baby before he ever knew it existed.)

Etain’s tough in general, but I’m not sure what that would do to her will and ability to cope, especially if grief is compounded by guilt/self-loathing/isolation from the secret, fed into by Kal. I’m not sure if it wouldn’t lead to some self-destructive behavior or reckless decision making.

The only potential good things in this scenario are Rav and Mereel, both of whom she seems to have gotten close to, being nearby ish to maybe notice that Etain is spinning out of control and try to talk to her/ talk her into talking to Darman so she can grieve and heal properly.

How Darman finds out in this scenario… I’m not entirely sure. I can pretty easily seeing him being worried and hurt by the change he sees in Etain’s behaviors towards him- her grief/guilt playing out in unintentional distancing or recklessness. It’s not pretty. But I don’t know how exactly it gets resolved.

 I don’t think Etain herself would want to, or even think to implicate Kal in the mess, not given the way she tried to protect him in Order 66. Even if or when he does find out- I’m not sure the proper amount of guilt would ever find its way to the man who actually hid her/threatened her into the war zone and denied her medical care.

Scenario Two

Etain and Kad both die. Kal 100% abso-fucking-lutely covers this one up and fully intends to hide it from Darman as well. After all, if Etain’s dead anyway and Dar never knew about the kid, why make the grieving process any worse. Somehow he stages a scene that implies Etain died somehow in some secret combat related way that left only enough evidence to be certain, but not enough for a Jedi to gather/examine/bury her remains and discover that she had been pregnant.

Maybe he feels some twinge of guilt- but it isn’t enough to accept responsibility for the loss. And remember- he hasn’t come to see Etain as his yet. Etain and her child are mourned by only a handful- Rav and Vau, Mereel and Ordo, Parja maybe, Jusik. And then Kal does his best to bury them both. He’ll tell Dar “someday”, “at the right time”, “when it won’t get him killed”. Meanwhile Omega is left to deal with it, and to pull around a devastated Darman. Zey is really the only one in the Order to mourn or think about Etain’s death very intensely, and while some of her men might pay respects, no one has time to dig too deep.

Again, who actually ends up telling Darman the truth is an interesting question. Notably in this case, I don’t think it’s Jusik. Jusik is slightly guilty at knowing, I’m sure, but he doesn’t have the full picture, doesn’t know that there was anything more to Etain’s medical issues than random bad luck, and is deeply enough under Kal’s influence to accept the need to protect Darman from that second loss. And while I love to picture some resulting showdown between Rav or Vau and Kal, that’s probably OOC. They just don’t have the strong motivation here.

Ultimately, I think the revelation would have to fall to one of the two Nulls. 

Mereel has been shown in the months Etain spent on Mandalore to have formed a very strong friendship with her. He demonstrates a trust/vulnerability with her that we seldom see him elsewhere. He treats her with an affection that at that point she receives from no one else outside of Omega, including joking nicknames and the ‘ika suffix. He trusted her as a competent individual and as his partner in the work of breaking down Ko Sai. What’s more, Mereel has also demonstrably shown that he loves his brothers (i.e. Darman) more than he loves Kal, and he’d be witnessing Darman suffer/ be lied to and forbidden the right to knowledge and choices. I really don’t imagine that sitting well with him. The only issues being timing and the fact that Darman doesn’t actually know Mereel well at all.

Ordo is a bit trickier, especially since he’s so caught up in the need not to disappoint Kal. His relationship with Etain in True Colors is also trickier. But he pities her- even likes her. Despite the sometimes awkward or harsh tone of their interactions, he does respect her. He was also party to the original deception that kept Dar from knowing about the baby -the baby he would then never know- and got Etain sent away in the first place. It’s not his fault, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he would have to grapple with a pretty intense guilt of his own. That maybe, eventually, that guilt would win.

Again, how Darman reacts is largely based on the circumstance he’s in at the time, which seem to have too many possibilities for me to write through fully.I think he’d be pretty damn mistrustful of everyone afterwards though- and he’d be left to grapple with Etain’s lie of omission without ever being able to resolve it or even talk to her about it. Without ever being able to tell her how much he loved her, how much he would have wanted to raise a child with her.

Scenario Three

Kad lives, Etain dies.

This one I can see going two ways. I would not put it at all past Kal to pull the stunt where he continues to pretend Kad is his biological grandson, even to Omega, “until Dar is ready to be a Dad”. Without Etain there to prove parentage or to push for her right to speak to Dar, and also given that telling the truth would “expose Kad to Jedi” and force Kal to talk about why Etain couldn’t survive childbirth in a galaxy where humans regularly survive the loss of large percentages of their organs and body parts.

In that case, I might actually peg Jusik as the one who ultimately comes clean, particularly as he sees Dar struggling or notices the things Kad’s so clearly inherited from his mother, like the shape of a smile or a way of reaching for the Force. Ultimately, he’s soft-hearted and confesses in a moment of sentiment rather than planning.

Jusik, however, still doesn’t know how entangled in it all Kal is.

It’s also possible Kal tells Darman about the baby in order to try and motivate Dar to keep fighting through his grief/ to provide a “silver lining”- but in this case disguising Etain’s death as an unfortunate/unforeseen accident or stroke of bad luck. Maybe Kal, with his lack of self-awareness, is even convinced that’s what it is. 

That again puts those who know (just Rav, the Nulls, and Vau) in the uncomfortable position of trying to decide whether it’s worth it to tell Darman the truth, given what he’s already lost. Telling, after all, won’t bring Etain back, won’t heal Darman any. It will just drive a wedge between Kal and Dar and add to the pain of the whole mess.

Vau might do it- Vau is a monster, but he is honest about what he is, and he is frustrated by Kal’s self-deception and back pats. Darman has no reason to trust Vau over Kal, though, and doesn’t take it well, even in the face of gnawing, quiet doubt.

Mereel might do it- as a warning, in Etain’s memory, to try and urge his brother to keep his nephew just that little bit safer, even if none of them can easily walk away from Kal.

In the end, though, Darman is still left with that permanently unresolved doubt, that same argument with Etain that never happened about her secret keeping, is left with all the things he should have but couldn’t have said. There isn’t any justice in this scenario, not with her already lost. There’s only clarity.

[izzyovercoffee]

Do you have any ships in the clone wars/repcom fandom?

DO I

TBH I have a really… really long list of ships. I’m one of those people that could potentially ship anyone/everyone given enough time to come up with at least vaguely acceptable reasoning. 

I mean … I’m the one behind the ship of Mereel and The Stars so I don’t … uh, have a whole lot of requirements for shipping.

My lines are: Everyone is an Adult at time of ship; and any potentially coercive relationships are written with a very clear, honest presentation and understanding of that coercive nature (zero tolerance policy for romanticizing abuse).

Fair warning, though: I do have clone/clone ships, too, and I know that makes people uncomfortable — hence the warning. And for the record, any of the below ships? I don’t expect anyone else to ship it, and I don’t generally expect people to be down w/ it or write it, either. B’)

I also … have Mereel listed kind of a lot in here. He just has so much love to give, okay. B’)

and under a cut bc damn this got long

Republic Commando: 

Mereel and the Stars

Stars. Ka’ra. Ruling Council of Fallen Leaders. 

When Mand’alore die, it’s said they ascend to the stars. Is that where it ends, really, or do they become something more, something greater than they were in life? And if they do — do they interact with the people?

Do they keep favorites? Do they adore and adulate their champions?

And how difficult, exactly, is that relationship for the mortal who can’t quite reach out and touch the one he loves most?

Ordo and Besany

like honestly my OTP for the longest time lmao 

I never finished my ‘Are These For Me?’ 30 drabbles for them … but maybe one day. One day.

Fi and Ordo

Boy meets Boy. Boy compliments Boy’s skirt. Boy hugs other Boy so hard they hit the floor.

#true love

Besany, Fi, Ordo

Besany is the type of person who is so kind, and so considerate, and so understanding. And Fi … he needs that. He needs it just as much as Ordo needs it, and as they need each other, and Besany. 

Some might not find a closed polytriad “normal,” but if it works for them, then it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business. 

Darman and Etain 

My heart constantly breaks for them. They deserved so much better than what they got, and it kills me.

And their relationship was so … so good. So good, in the beginning. Tragic, what Kal did to them.

Atin and Laseema

They were lucky in that they weren’t Kal’s favorites, and so were able to fly mostly under the radar and out of his attention. Kal still held a lot of … really unhealthy financial control over them, but … I genuinely feel that Atin and Laseema could relate deeply on several levels.

They have… compatible demons, for lack of a better term. They balance each other. And Laseema was always an interesting character I wish we could learn more of — and her friendships with the rest of the clan. After all, she seemed to be the one in active communication with everyone. 

Niner and Boss

Listen … I love this ship. I feel like there’s a lot of UST going on whenever they’re onscreen, and it’s an interesting sort of dichotomy that goes on between them — two sergeants of two squads whose trainers viciously hated each other during training days. 

There’s a competitiveness there that can’t really be quashed, but there’s also an understanding that exists between them that’s unique to their experiences.

Jaing and Kom’rk

This is one of those incredibly obscure, controversial ships. 

Full disclosure: this is a pretty fucked up ship, and it’s mostly from the perspective of “wow, that’s kinda fucked up.” I don’t expect anyone else to ship it, and I don’t generally expect people to be down w/ it or write it, either. If they do, the fucked-up part needs to be recognized and recognizable, however obliquely, or it just doesn’t work. 

They’re two very damaged people, there’s no use shying away from that. 

I fell into this ship by total accident, going through all the nulls’ tags on ao3 years ago and stumbled on one fic, and like … since then, I haven’t really been able to climb out this hole.  

Corr, Ruusan, and Jilka

I am not a fan of Corr and Jilka, alone.

That said … I am a fan of Corr and Ruusan, of Jilka and Ruusan, and … of the potential dynamics of this poly combination, with the given that Jilka and Corr remain platonic as opposed to romantic. 

It just feels more … balanced? Also Rev @thesummerstorms and Gena @cassiansfuzzyjacket explain it way better than I do.

RepComm crack!ships:

these are very, very clearly not-canon and not to ever be taken as canon (by me, at least?) but damn. they’re nice to think about, and try to come up with ways in which it might work.

Etain and Mereel

“WHAT THE FUCK IZZY?” I KNOW! I KNOWWWWWW

But more seriously … Mereel was there every day for Etain during a very, very difficult time (the months after her almost-miscarriage). Of all the characters in the series during the course of the series, after Etain and Darman, Etain and Mereel spend the most unobstructed alone time together (about three months?) — and we would never know because, lol, the pacing and timeline of the series is not really presented in a way that makes that noticeable.

Mereel also does something with Etain he doesn’t do with anyone else, ever, that we see in the series: admit vulnerability. He’s genuinely vulnerable with her, in a way that he is not with anyone else. That means something — especially given the context that he doesn’t open up with anyone else, not his brothers, and never Kal. 

Someone that Mereel can be genuinely vulnerable with? That he must trust, implicitly, to share that vulnerability? 

And then you have Etain, who is isolated after the mess of pregnancy news blows up. She’s someone who doesn’t have anyone she can trust, or depend on, who isn’t looking to use her in some way — or someone that she can be equally open and honest with — in those months … right up until Mereel (and Rav), when she’s evac’d to Kyrimorut.

And when she is, she’s treated like a whole person. Not someone who’s just a vessel for a potential, not someone to be used or leveraged for misogynistic reasons. A genuine, whole, person who is highly intelligent, highly capable — and treated as an actual equal. She was not given that respect since the conclusion of Hard Contact (except, briefly, when hunting with Vau).

The whole situation, as terrible as it all is, allows for the foundation of genuine, real, trust to form between them.

There’s a lot of … well, there’s a lot of potential there. A lot of room for complications and conflicted feelings and angst — UST and one-sided pining and mixed signals and confusion and just raw feeling — and it’s all things that don’t necessarily need to be resolved negatively (or right away, or at all), that don’t have to end in heartbreak, that can be just as it is: complicated feelings that begin during a difficult time and, given room to grow, become something else or something more many, many years down the line.

Mereel and Boss

Don’t even look at me.

So this ship came as a result of SW RP (bc of course it did) and, tbh, they have a lot of … difficult commonalities and clashes of personality. Boss is a difficult man with a lot on his shoulders — a lot of responsibility, a lot of stress, just … a lot. And Mereel? Mereel is someone good at managing stress — out of necessity, and practice, and effort.

And the thing with Mereel is he’s fun, he’s easy, and he demands nothing. Boss doesn’t need to take care of him, because Mereel can take care of himself — and sometimes Mereel can take care of Boss, whether he likes it, or not (or likes to say he doesn’t when he does).

Boss certainly needs someone like that, especially after long days and hard nights with other people always needing him, depending on him. It’s good, it’s necessary, to have someone for whom he can truly relax and let his guard down around — that he can trust implicitly, and be allowed to be vulnerable, to have his ugly parts exposed, and still be loved unconditionally, because that’s just what Mereel’s best at doing.

Parja and Mereel

“SERIOUSLY?” LISTEN

This also came as a result of SW RP, and mostly takes place in an AU where … Parja and Fi’s relationship inevitably crumbles, and they split — but they split amicably, and remain friends. Parja remains a mechanic and never is forced to give up her shop because of (poor misogynistic writing and) Kal. 

Mereel and Parja and Bardan are all particularly good friends and get up to all kinds of nonsense and pranks, and prank wars.

And … sometimes, late nights spent tinkering on separate projects in the same space, late nights working on the same projects, late nights spent together — and sometimes Mereel can’t quite come clean that he needs someone, that well after the conclusion of the war he needs physical contact in order to sleep.

And after the end of what Parja put too much stock and energy into what she hoped would be a sure future, a sure thing — maybe it hurts too much to sleep alone, but it’s too much of a risk to fill that empty space with romance when she’s not ready. Why not someone she trusts, that she knows would never, not ever, not in a million years, ever cross that boundary — someone who would never violate that trust, never take the invitation to share her bed as anything more than just that: a mutually beneficial way to get some rest.

Sometimes feelings happen. Gradually, and slow, and sneaks up on even the most vigilant. After a while, it becomes expected. After a while, it becomes wanted. After a while, they become needed.

other ships I’ve fallen into that I don’t have time/want to explain:

FI AND SEV

Atin/Sev

Sev/Boss

Scorch/Sev

MAZE/ZEY

Jaing/Sev

Fixer/peace of mind

Uthan/Mij (but way more hostile on Uthan’s part)

Walon/his star-crossed princess (literally, a real thing. I can’t get over how this is an actual thing)

Clone Wars:

admittedly, it’s been a while since I watched the series all the way through, but … repeating the warning for clone/clone bc that’s a thing in here, and the explanations are shorter bc, again, it’s been a while.

Marshal Commander Cody and Captain Rex

Their personalities mesh so well together, and honestly they’re just … so compatible ??? They also work so well together, went through training together … if there’s anyone Rex can really trust implicitly, it’s Cody.

Their friendship grows over the series and expanded (Legends) materials, and just … it works, in the way they need it to work.

Echo and Fives

Just punch me right in the chest.

really any combination from Domino Squad

because we all need tragedy in our hearts

General Aayla Secura and Commander Bly

You know … for the most part, I’m a little leery on ships like this where there’s a clear and obvious potential for really serious coercion. Most Clone/Jedi-who-are-their-direct-superiors tend to fall into this category.

but I’m just a sucker for Bly-post-war angst, for the conflict of fraternizing with a superior, with trying to navigate that Aayla really did have his life in her hands, and then the conflict of navigating those feelings surrounding killing her at the end of the war.

I’m a terrible person.

Duchess Satine Kryze and Obi-wan Kenobi

let me just like … repeat the above. My one thing about this is that I hate how Satine was killed off for Kenobi-man-pain, and generally only want to know stories that you know … fix-it, lmao, or give her a more respectable death that was written with better care to her character and her arc

Ventress and Obi-wan Kenobi

All of that flirting went fuck and nowhere. What a hugely missed opportunity — especially when Ventress was trying to work towards being better, or making a life for herself, turn over a new leaf or whatever.

I mean, we all know she hangs out in the kind of tapcafs Kenobi loves to get drunk in, let’s be honest with ourselves.

clone wars crack!ships :

I’m sorry in advance lmao

Captain Rex and Lieutenant Mereel

“What the hell.” Listen.

“Did this come out of SW RP?” HOW DID YOU GUESS.

Much like the other ships with Mereel, it’s all contingent on … Mereel operating as a free agent — a solo operator. Mereel pulling strings and favors across the GAR to make things just a little bit easier for Rex, for clearing up or speeding up administrative bull shit so that Rex can focus on getting what he needs for his men in a reasonable amount of time — or free up some time for himself.

And with the way Mereel’s … operations tend to go, paths sometimes cross that didn’t before. 

Anyway, who doesn’t like camping?

Quinlan Voss and Obi-wan Kenobi

Listen … they have a kind of fun playfully antagonistic thing going on. I don’t know if I could ever seriously ship it, mostly bc everyone who falls in love with either of them straight up die, so we come to a “unstoppable force vs immovable object” impasse if this ship ever actually came to fruition.

that and fandom can be kinda … gross w/ this ship sometimes so I’ve been avoiding it lately for that reason.

Senator Padme Amidala and Duchess Satine Kryze

how can anyone watch the episodes where they’re together and not see how good they are together. and like, the men in their lives, cause their deaths. so why not just … leave their men for each other?

Everyone wins.

not exactly clone wars honorable mention:

Ahsoka Tano and Kaeden Larte

I ship it so hard. if only !!! if only they didn’t meet when they did, when Ahsoka wasn’t as wounded, still, from the fallout of the end of The Clone Wars. and all of that tragedy. i just.

I just !!! ugh. they’re so good together.

aaand I think that’s all of them, or at least all that I can remember off the top of my head for now.

[oldtestleper]

so, @thebisexualmandalorian expressed an interest in reading this particular scene from O66. well, here you go, Jesse. Maximum angst.

Kashyyyk, three days after the flight of Grievous from Coruscant, 1,088 days ABG

“About time,” Fixer said, cramming ammo clips into his belt. “I was getting fed up fighting this war on my own.”

Scorch nudged him in the back, indicating Boss and Sev. “What were we doing, then, filing our nails?”

“I meant Vos.”

General Vos had arrived from Boz Pity with the first wave of troopers the night before; General Yoda was inbound with the 41st Elite and the Wookiee chieftain Delta had extracted from the Seps’ prison camp, Chief Tarfful. The Republic was pouring resources into the Kashyyyk theater. Scorch agreed that it was a little overdue, and also that it was remarkably handy that all those extra troops and ships had become available, freeing up the likes of Yoda.

It’s a big ambush; Coruscant first. Grievous gets his tin shebs kicked, and runs. Chancellor, you better be right, or we’re finished.

“Ready?” Boss said.

“How long have we got?”

“Time on target for Yoda’s flagship—thirty standard minutes.”

They walked out onto the vine bridge and scanned for visible vessels in the dawn sky. The Seps knew reinforcements were coming, too; their fleet was piling in, and a cruiser had taken up position at coordinates that looked as if it was going to engage Yoda’s flagship.

Wookiees were massing, too. Scorch heard them long before he saw them, a random chorus of rumbling, growling, yawling voices, growing louder, and you didn’t need to know a word of Shyriiwook to get the gist of the sentiment. They were psyching themselves up—not that they needed it much—to take back their world. They were going to do it with their bare hands, and Scorch believed them, oh yes, he did. He’d seen it. He wasn’t keen to see it again. The screams would be enough. The Wookiee chieftains were massive, brandishing heavy bowcasters and long-guns as if they were tiny hold-out blasters. They were working their troops up to a fever pitch. They thrashed their fists against their chests, then raised their arms to the sky again, bellowing defiance. The whole Wookiee army joined in. It was a wall of sound that Scorch didn’t just hear but felt in his sinuses.

Enacca came up behind them, and even Fixer jumped. She growled and pointed back into the forest.

Boss checked his chrono. “Yeah, I know you’re looking forward to pulling off some arms, but I think our best bet is to take control of the turbolaser battery. That cruiser’s positioned to stop Yoda from disembarking ground troops, and we need it gone.”

Enacca let out a roar of approval. She wanted it gone, too.

Etain came jogging along the platform and stood beside her. It was an image of extremes that Scorch wouldn’t forget in a hurry—the two-meter-tall Wookiee with a bowcaster slung across her back like a small accessory, and Etain, so tiny that he was still sure her conc rifle weighed more than she did.

It was nice to see a Jedi general who used more than a lightsaber. Etain knew exactly what it felt like to haul heavy kit for hours on end, so she understood when her troops needed a break. But there was something poking out of her belt, in the shadow of her robe, and Scorch realized after a few baffled seconds that it was a small furry toy, an animal.

“Reckon you can take that battery in eighteen minutes, Delta?” she said, winking. “Omega would try for fifteen.”

“We’re easily provoked into rash displays of competitive machismo, ma’am,” Sev said. “We accept the challenge.”

Scorch indicated Etain’s mascot. That’s what he thought it was, anyway. “Your Wookiee’s not very big, ma’am.”

“It’s my little boy’s toy nerf,” she said. “He put it in my hand before I left, and right now it’s really comforting. It smells of him.”

Sev said nothing. Scorch was grateful for that. Boss clapped his gloves hard to get their attention. “Come on, Delta, move it. You can play with the toy later.”

Etain gave them a casual fingers-to-brow salute and disappeared with Enacca. They were booby-trapping the walkways so that the 41st Elite could drive the Trandoshans into a trap and pick them off.

“I call dibs on the main cannon,” Sev said. “A Sep cruiser is like one big bug. I haven’t had my bug-splattering fix today.”

But he’d get plenty of chances once they blew their way into the big silo-like emplacement. The Seps had built into the trees, almost sleeving them in metal at some points and driving durasteel shafts clean through the road-wide trunks. The first set of doors Scorch blew unleashed a wave of spider droids, and Fixer picked them off with anti-armor rounds.

Boss checked his HUD chrono, flashing the countdown to all of them across their readouts. “Fifteen to go, so let’s not let the generals down. Grab the first anti-air turret you see and hang on to it. One each. Between the four of us, we should be able to put a dent in that shabuir.”

Scorch could hear the voice traffic now in his helmet between the 41st and Vos’s forward air control. The Sep cruiser was maneuvering to block the flagship, and Commander Gree was searching for alternative sites to land men. If he was forced too far from the landing zone, they’d have a hard haul back“through the forest before they could engage the Sep targets. The cruiser had to move. Two MagnaGuard droids blocked their path to the battery positions. Scorch almost didn’t count the Trandoshans who opened up with blasters. He lobbed a grenade their way while Fixer and Sev charged the droids, slicing one of them in two with a burst of plasma bolts and smashing the other to the floor with the butt of a Deece before emptying a clip into it.

Fixer ran on and swung himself into the gunner’s seat on the first turbolaser position. He waved Scorch and the other two past him, and started punching the controls. Scorch dropped into the next bay. He found a Trando trying to get a firing solution on the GAR flagship, which was now looking awfully close and in need of a parking space. Scorch brought his vibroblade up under the Trando’s chin just as the barve reached for his rifle, waited for him to stop struggling, and dragged the body clear of the seat.

By the time Scorch had taken control of the cannon’s targeting system and found the optimum points on the cruiser’s hull to do the most damage, Boss and Sev were gone, sprinting on to take control of the last two cannons. Fixer was already opening big vents in the cruiser’s hull. But the thing wasn’t going to go down easy; now Scorch could see four streams of laserfire playing along the keel of the Sep ship.

“Yeah, feel free, join the party.” Scorch thought Fixer was talking to him on the comlink, but when he saw triple-A coming up from the ground in brilliant white staccato lines, he realized Vos’s larty units had moved in. “That’s our sky, buddy. Move over.”

The cruiser was losing height. Its buckled hull plates shuddered every time it took a hit, and then it started to break up. Flame vented from rips big enough to swallow a gunship.

“We’re going to be wearing that thing for a hat if we don’t move soon, Boss,” Scorch said. “It’s as good as dead.” “Job done, Deltas. Bang out.”

“Scorch swung out of the gunnery seat and ran for the turbolift, Deece ready, but he was running over dead Trandos and shredded metal. Any remaining Seps in the battery had made a run for it, too, possibly because of the imminent fireball from a dying cruiser. Boss, breathless, was calling in a LAAT/i for extraction as he ran.

Then Sev cut in. Scorch looked around. It was the first time he’d noticed that he wasn’t with them. When he checked the point-of-view icon in his HUD, Sev still seemed to be looking out from the turbolaser viewport, and then the image broke up into streaks before going black.

Sev’s voice carried on. “Boss, I’ve got a problem here …”

“Sev, where are you?”

“Sector … multiple hostiles …”

Fixer jabbed the comlink reset on his helmet. There was just the wash and crackle of static. “Lost his signal, Boss.”

“Well, find it again. Delta, regroup—we’re going after Sev.”

The forward air controller from Vos’s unit cut in. “Negative negative, Three-Eight, new orders came through from the generals—clear the area and evac now.”

“I don’t care if they came from General Yoda himself.” Boss gestured to Fixer and Scorch to make a move after Sev. They could always claim they hadn’t heard the message. “Sev—”

“As a matter of fact, they did, soldier. Now get your squad out of there.”

Explosions shook the ship. The comm circuit was a disjointed mix of half-snatched conversations; it was all going to haran. Sep forces were streaming in from the north and east of their position, converging on them. Delta had killed the cruiser and enabled the 41st to land, but the battle had only just begun.

“He’s right, Boss,” Fixer said. “We’ve got to get out now.”

Scorch grabbed Fixer’s arm. “We can’t leave Sev. Nobody gets left behind. Remember? Remember how Sev blew up when we left Vau on Mygeeto? You want to do that to our brother? You want to abandon him? Leave him to die here?”

“He’s Sev,” Fixer said. “If he’s alive, he’ll hole up somewhere and we can retrieve him later.”

“What if he can’t?”

“Then he’s dead anyway.”

“We don’t leave without a body, moving or otherwise.”

“If we don’t evac now, we’ll all be dead.”

“Fine, then we go together, not running off to save our own shebse while Sev’s left here.”

Boss said nothing and just watched as if he had nothing better to do, even though they had seconds to make their move. Then he took hold of Scorch’s shoulder.

Scorch hadn’t wept since he was a kid, but he couldn’t see for tears now. “I’m not leaving him, Boss. You go if you want to. Not me.”

“This is an order.”

“Screw orders. Omega wouldn’t leave a man.”

“Scorch …”

“You’ll have to shoot me.”

Boss put his hand on his sidearm. “Losing one guy is bad enough. I’m not losing two. Don’t let me down now.” He shoved Scorch hard in the back and nearly knocked him over. The larty was hovering level with the exit hatch of the turbo-lift. “Shift it, Six-Two.”

“I’ll never forgive you for this, Boss. Or you, Fixer. We’re brothers, for fierfek’s sake. I’d never leave you.”

But he did. He left. They all left.

“Sorry, Sev.” Boss’s voice was suddenly husky. He wasn’t the weepy type, either, but he sounded like he was struggling. And maybe Sev could hear them, and maybe he couldn’t, but if his end of the comlink was still live, Scorch could imagine what he was going through now as he listened to his brothers leaving him to die, or worse.

“Delta … move out.”

Sev was as hard as they came. Vau had made survivors of them all. Fixer was probably right: if Sev was still alive, he’d probably stay alive for a long time, and they could always go back.

But they didn’t know.

No, you didn’t pull out all the stops for Sev.

Skirata would have told Yoda to shove his orders, cut the comm, and gone looking for him.

As they jumped into the larty’s crew bay for the evac, Boss put his hand on Scorch’s shoulder, but Scorch shrugged it off. He longed for a cannon round and instant oblivion, some way of stopping the guilt of not being dead, not staying to search, not making a final stand and defying Boss and CIC and even shabla General Yoda. He wanted to die of shame. He could only imagine how much worse it would feel in years to come when he had to face himself every morning.

It was just as well that a clone’s life span was limited.

-Order 66Karen Traviss

[izzyovercoffee]

RepComm for the fandom meme

send me a fandom and I’ll — meme

softly, with a lot of feeling: I’ve been waiting for this moment.

lmaoo not really but yes, yes really. I am here and I am ready for this. 

Thank you for sending this B’)

Republic Commando

the character i least understand

Karen “What Is Abuse I Don’t Know Her″ Traviss

Ko Sai. I think, for the most part, she was written with very alien motivations, and it was fairly successful, at least in conveying that it was difficult if not impossible to relate with her on any level. 

I’m sure if I spent more time thinking and writing about her I could maybe attempt to understand her character … but for the most part I don’t really “get” her, and I think that’s the point.

interactions i enjoyed the most

Mereel and Ordo are endlessly entertaining. 

Any of the Nulls together, individually or clusters or all six in one room.

Mereel and Etain have had some very, very touching, emotionally deep moments — the kinds of scenes KT generally doesn’t allow any of her characters to have between two characters that aren’t romantically involved.

tbh this list is gonna be very long so to sum up: everyone with everyone else, when they’re allowed to be individual characters with separate personalities and motivations recognized, instead of twisted into very specific moral representations that KT pushes towards the end.

the character who scares me the most

Walon Vau is reasonably frightening, though really he should be. He is about as cold blooded of a killer as you’re going to get, and he doesn’t make threats, he makes promises. B’) 

Plus he’s also very difficult to get into the mental space to write, because he’s a legitimate Bad Person, and trying to write characters like him can be difficult.

it’s also a good idea to maintain a healthy fear of the nulls, if only out of respect of their potential for sudden and extreme violence. They’re not as “unpredictable” as the text says, though.

the character who is mostly like me

mmm … actually, I’m gonna go with Kal. this is probably gonna garner some “whaaat? but you HATE him?” 

Yes, I do hate him. but let me list some similarities lmao:

perpetual limp due to a bad ankle and persistent injury that never healed right / properly (partially kept as a constant reminder for a mistake)

short and angry, like all the time

compartmentalize everything and everyone

obsessive about caring for and protecting family, literally does everything for family

extremely secretive, to the point of never telling anyone the full story or full truth, everyone just get bits and pieces that seem complete. no one ever seems to realize this.

self sacrificing to the point of martyrdom, especially for family

these are all pretty negative, but … unlike Kal, I am actually self aware lmao and am working on these things, and have for the most part listened when other people criticize me so that I can continue to work on being better. it’s a daily process, you know, so I don’t hurt the family I care so much about.

Kal starts off terrible, and the writing implies that he might learn from it … but then instead of him learning and growing like everyone needs him to, the narrative instead makes excuses for him, everyone suffers, and Etain dies.

it’s unfortunate bc people like him exist, and you can’t coddle them if you want them to survive life. and yet everyone coddles Kal. Fandom, in general, coddles and makes excuses for abusive men. Full stop.

but like, here’s the thing:

He is a grown man. He is not a child. Don’t treat him like one.

I hate him partially bc the entire fandom excuses his behavior when it is, ultimately, inexcusable. He is not a child. He is a man, who has undertaken a huge group of extremely vulnerable people under his care, and he ultimately hurts them all. Severely. And TBH Kal deserves better than to be coddled and all his boo-boos kissed away by a fandom who says they care about the rest of the clan, but cannot see the sheer world-shattering damage Kal committed on them, regardless of intention. 

You can like a character, and still hold them accountable. Fandom, somehow, seems incapable of this level of nuance, especially if they’re a father and shown as sympathetic in any way.

hottest looks character

Mereel, obviously. lmao

No but like, consider: he dyes his hair (and his skin, and his eyes) and has a full wardrobe for all situations. 

He’s the (Daniel Craig) James Bond of the Grand Army of the Republic.

But I also headcanon Jilka and Besany to be incredibly fashion forward. Besany usually embodying the Career Professional woman, with very sharp, very perfectly tailored outfits that allow no room for nonsense.

Jilka also perfectly tailored, though her wardrobe is potentially more fun, visually, and incredibly flattering in all the right ways — but still very sharp, and very much professional when necessary.

one thing i dislike about my fave character

Mereel, light of my life, sun of my sky, salve of my wounded and broken heart, peace at the eye of my storm …

why are you like this?

lmao. On a more serious note, I can’t outright say I dislike anything about Mereel, but his inability to share what really goes on in his head with … well, anyone. The only time we see a truthful admittance to weakness is that single moment with Etain, when he admits that he’s still human. That he’s not perfect.

Every other time, and I know I say this a lot, but every other time … he deflects any serious conversation with a joke — and usually a joke that the speaker wants to hear (even if they don’t know they want to hear it). He doesn’t let anyone in, not even his brothers, and that’s … got to be a lonely sort of suffering. 

The kind of internalized suffering I’m sure he’s learned from Kal, both in the how to do it, and the reason he does it. bc Kal does internalize a lot of his suffering and doesn’t share it, burying weakness while in the same breath saying that he’s experiencing it and letting it go. He doesn’t, it’s just a different sort of self-delusion and deflection, and Mereel echoes it to a painful degree.

And then, of course, there’s Mereel learning that he needs to do it, bc Kal only accepts a certain kind of visual presence of mental illness and suffering, otherwise the person is “damaged” in some way and will never be “okay” for whatever understanding Kal has given okay. (view, for example, how he sees Ordo vs how he sees Mereel. He sees Mereel as stable, bc Mereel is extroverted, outgoing, and “always positive.” It’s not something intentional, but it’s still damaging, to all parties.)

one thing i like about my hated character

I might hate Kal Skirata, but I also love him. He’s a fantastic character. He is so so so flawed. His flaws make him interesting, and he tries. He tries so hard. He cares so much. He cares too much, even. His dedication and his love for his family are all encompassing, to the point that he can even be blinded to their faults because he loves so strongly.

But that love is a sword. One might even say it’s a triple-edged blade.

Love, as bright and fierce and consuming as it is, does not make someone right. It does not make their actions excusable when it leads to hurt, or even someone dying needlessly. It does not make one’s choices correct.

Love does not excuse abuse. And I really wish fandom would, at the very least, make the attempt to understand that.

a quote or scene that haunts me

Yes, I know how the Kaminoans did it. They used our genes against us, the ones that make us bond with our brothers, make us loyal, make us respect and obey our fathers—that’s what they manipulated to make us more likely to obey orders. They had to remove what made Jango a selfish loner, because that makes a bad infantry soldier, and you can tell from the Alpha ARCs that the Kaminoans weren’t wrong. But there’s one thing I don’t know yet—and that’s how they controlled the aging process. That’s the key. They robbed us of a full life span. But we will not be defeated by time, ner vod.

—ARC Trooper Lieutenant N-7—Mereel—in an encrypted transmission to Captain N-11, Ordo

a death that left me indifferent

mmm, Sev, actually. Like, in the game? I went through the whole grieving process after I finished Republic Commando. 

The way it was written? idk. It did nothing for me.

This probably is an unpopular opinion lmao but honestly, that scene? did not hit me anywhere. it just kinda left a bad taste in my mouth … much like Etain’s scene, except that I was actually pissed off about Etain lmao to the point that I still rant about it bc of how little sense it made.

a character i wish died but didn’t

I mean I could go the obvious route and say Kal, but I actually don’t wish Kal died. I just wish he’d learn from his mistakes and people would point out how he’s hurting his family lmao?

who do I actually wish died? any of the nulls, even if they don’t die die. They’re presented as these entirely Untouchable cast, to the point that no one really expect any of the Nulls to so much as get a paper cut — because how can they? they’re presented as close to perfect (obviously not in the mental illness department, but they do inhabit this space of being invincible).

and for any of them, even temporarily, to die would have had incredible emotional impact — moreso than Etain’s. It would’ve really brought home the threat on all their lives in a way that Etain’s death could never convey. 

but I’m asking nuance of a writer who clearly overwhelmed herself with a cast much larger than she could handle in writing, and who started all these incredible thematic arcs only to abandon them, forgotten, over the course of the series.

my ship that never sailed

I have a lot of ships, tbh, but it’s kinda like … weird? to talk about? as if I expected them to sail and then they just simply didn’t. 

I don’t have any ships that I expected to happen or be recognized and simply didn’t. I mean … Fi read as if closeted, so I was kind of hoping he would maybe realize he was attracted to men, but then of course he was paired off with his caretaker, and my god there are so many consent problems with that.