#because francis is a sick sick bastard and his resurrection needed to reflect that

[duckapus]

You Witness a Weeb's Revival

Welony grinned as her two favorite lackeys entered the room while in the middle of their latest argument, “well well well, look who’s finally home.”

Predictably, Kohga immediately stopped what he was doing to grovel, “forgive our tardiness, my Dark Mistress! We would have arrived sooner, but he caused our mission to take longer than expected!”

“Wha-me?! I did most of the work! Do you know how hard it is to search an entire exploded island, even with the water-breathing powers my mask gave me? You barely even got out of the boat!”

“I told you, I’m a weak swimmer! It comes from living in the desert!”

“Enough!” as amusing as they were, she had work to do, “it doesn’t matter how long it took as long as you got what we need. So did you?”

Byte smirked and gave a sweeping gesture towards the door with his right hand, “one mangled chameleon corpse, as requested.”

Right on cue, a quartet of Yiga Footsoldiers wheeled in a large cart that held a horrific, twisted mass of metal, glass, and charred, shattered, bleached bone. Though it was unrecognizable and very, very dead, Welony could feel the hatred and malice emanating from it.

“Oh yes, this will do nicely. Prepare the ritual!”

-----------------

In a few minutes, the entire Clan had assembled at a large altar, and were creating a massive pile of assorted anime merchandise, boxes full of printed out fanfics, and even actual dvds and manga collections, along with some Mighty Bananas because of course they would. Set between the pile and a podium at the front of the altar was the corpse that Kohga and Byte had brought in, surrounded by candles lit with purple flames.

After the pile had reached a size Welony was satisfied with, she held up her hand, “Arrange the sacrifices!”

At that, three teletubbies, dressed as Sasuke, Hatsune Miku, and a catgirl maid, were led out while bound in ominously glowing chains and set around the pile at roughly the points of an equilateral triangle.

“And now, for the final piece,” this, she would do herself.

She floated up to the peak of the pile, placing one last item; an unopened physical copy of the Collector’s Edition of Kevin’s School, then went to the podium, where Master Kohga stood on her right side and Byte on her left.

“Now, let us begin.”

On cue, a Yiga Clan member who was quite conspicuously a default TF2 Pyro with a Yiga mask glued to their gas mask hefted their flamethrower and set the pile of offerings ablaze. Two of the teletubbies started screaming in agony, while the catgirl maid one was seemingly unphased.

“This is fine.”

As the offerings burned, the assembled Yiga Clan Members circled the fire and began to chant in order to strengthen their dark mistress’s already formidable powers.

“Fruit Salad, Yummy Yummy. Fruit Salad, Yummy Yummy…”

And so it went as Welony began to glow an ominous red, raising her hands to the corpse and pouring her power into it.

“HEAR ME VENGEFUL SPIRIT! I HAVE OPENED A CHANNEL TO THE LIVING REALM! RETURN TO YOUR EARTHLY VESSEL AND SERVE ME, AND YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR REVENGE!”

In answer to her calls, the corpse rose into the air, and both it and the bonfire were quickly engulfed in blinding white light. Catgirl teletubby was still unconcerned despite being reduced to a flaming skeleton in a cute dress at this point.

“I am okay with the events that are transpiring.”

Eventually it was too much and the group shielded their eyes from the glow, which then died down as quickly as it came. And when they did look, they saw that both the corpse and the offerings had been replaced by a hulking, skeletal figure.

It was clear from the body shape and pixelated art style that this had, at one point, been Francis. However, he was now several times his original size and just as picked clean of flesh as he had been moments ago. He was augmented with a variety of mechanical components, most prominently a wide array of different weapons mounted on his arms and tail, a vacuum tube running from the back of his head to the inside of his left hand, and two parallel rows of Splatoon-style Ink Tanks running down his spine. Both his eye sockets and a pulsing orb in his ribcage glowed dark purple. A Zelda-style Boss Caption appeared before him.

The Incel’s Vengeance

Stal-Zuccer

He leered down at the watermelon girl who had summoned him, and for a moment it looked as though he might attack her��before he ultimately kneeled, “SEN…PAI…”

Welony’s mouth stretched into a wide, sadistic grin, “Boys, how do you feel about a trip to the Splatlands?”

Kohga erupted into evil laughter, while Byte simply smirked, “I’ll pack my bags.”