#because angst... and this also haunts me lol

[prythianpages]

In My Eyes | Azriel

Azriel x Rhysand's Sister | Summary: Azriel has lost you once and when unseen circumstances bring you back to life, he will not lose you again. Even if it means going against his family.

warnings: mentions of death (descriptive and a bit gruesome)/loss, angst 💔

a/n: I wanted to take a little break from all the fluff I've been writing so here's a little angst. I listened to Jacob's prayer from the Minari soundtrack a lot along with Thom Yorke's Hearing Damage while writing this. Hence the title bc I couldn't think of anything else lol and also because I feel like Az would be so down for his mate, she really could do no wrong in his eyes.

A haunting stillness permeates the air, broken only by the occasional whisper of Azriel’s shadows. He doesn’t know why he’s here. He wants to turn and leave but his legs betray his mind, prompting him to go forward. Cracked cobblestone paths lead him to the castle’s doors and as Azriel pushes the door open, it releases a loud groaning noise.

Inside Hybern’s castle, broken furniture lies scattered and the once opulent halls now echo with the sound of dripping water. His shadows stir uneasily. A sudden gust of wind brushes past him, carrying a pleading whisper along with it.

“Help me.”

Goosebumps rise on Azriel's skin as his shadows freeze in place. There was something familiar about that haunting plea that sent shivers down his spine.

“Azriel.”

"y/n," he breathes, the mere utterance causing his shadows to stir into a desperate frenzy. His steps quicken, evolving into a full-blown run, his heart pounding in sync with the frantic pace of his movements.

"y/n!" he calls out again, this time louder. His eyes, stinging with tears, frantically scanning the endless expanse of the haunted halls for any trace of you.

"Azriel, help me!"

Azriel runs and runs, but the hall stretches infinitely before him.

“Help! I’m al–”

And then, with a jolt, Azriel wakes. 

Cold sweat clings to him like a second skin as the tendrils of the dream slowly release their grip on his consciousness. Your voice–it felt so real. But he knows it’s a dream because when he turns his head, the spot beside him is empty. 

As it has been for centuries. 

Azriel allows his heavy eyelids to flutter shut once more as he catches his breath. This was just another nightmare, he tells himself. It does nothing to soothe him. The more he thinks about it, the more unease grips him. Even his shadows are shaky, trembling as they brush against him. 

For centuries, his dreams have been plagued by nightmares. It had always been the same one. The one that made him relive the moment he found out you were dead. Azriel had been the one to find the box that carried your mother’s severed head down Windhaven’s river and when he had spotted another box, all he found was a severed finger. A severed finger wearing a ring he was all too familiar with because he had been the one to place it on your finger.

Azriel remembers the way his heart had dropped to his stomach. He remembers the way he had desperately tugged on the bond only to find nothing but an eerie quietness on your end. He knew at that moment you were gone and you weren’t coming back.

The scream that tore through his throat was as violent as the gaping black hole crushing through his chest. It curdled the blood of anyone within earshot and had the surrounding birds jolting from their perches, their feathers rustling in a panicked flutter. Not even his shadows, who had carried him through his darkest times, could console him.

Azriel had no body to mourn. No hand to hold on to. No face to caress for the last time. He could only hope that your death had been quick and painless.

But this nightmare was new. Different. You were alive in this one. Or sounded like it.

Azriel opens his eyes and he brings himself to sit up in bed. His hands, weary and scarred, rub at his face in exhaustion, brushing away the lingering tears that sting at his eyes. He then looks down at his hands, aching to feel your warmth once more. Even if only in a dream.

The glimmering ring on Azriel's left hand sparkles under the tender caress of moonlight, drawing his attention. His trembling fingers trace the contours of the band. He can’t help but turn and twist it, yearning for a complete view of the engraved letters. It spells out your name and the ache of grief intensifies with every twist. He hasn’t taken the ring off since the day he married you, even after death did you part.

It compliments the smaller, daintier ring wrapped around his neck that hangs on a thin silver chain. Your ring. His name is engraved on it just as yours is on his. The only difference is that yours cradles a captivating cobalt blue gem.  A precious fragment, crafted from his own siphon and meticulously refined by himself. He wanted you to carry a part of him wherever you went.

Now, he is left to carry it. The only piece he has left of you.

A poignant reminder that though death may have claimed you, the essence of your union lingers on. He can’t imagine loving anyone else. He doesn’t want to love anyone else. For him, it was you and only you. He could only thank the Mother for allowing him the time he had with you but also curse her for taking you from him.

His hand closes around your ring, grappling with the disorienting emotions coursing through him. Despite the centuries that have separated you, an instinctual yearning tugs at Azriel's core. He reaches out for the intangible thread that once connected you. He knows he’ll only receive the familiar void. It had been this way for ages. He’d wake from his nightmare, reach out with false hope and receive nothing in return.

Yet, this time, just like the nightmare he woke from, is different.

The shadows that hover over Azriel's shoulders, murmuring their soothing lullabies, suddenly cease in their dance. His eyes widen, capturing a glimmer of something long forgotten. Hope. It stirs within him, a dormant ember flickering to life after centuries of darkness.

For a fleeting moment, there's a response. A fragile shimmer through the bond. So delicate that it's almost imperceptible. And it’s coming from your side. 

Azriel tugs again, cautiously and slowly. Anxiously and holding his breath. Even his shadows don’t dare to stir. But as he awaits another sign, silence envelops him. There’s no response.

He tugs again, desperately seeking confirmation. And then again and again. His tugs grow harsher, more desperate, each pull an urgent plea for any sign, any trace of you. Yet, the bond remains eerily silent, as if mocking the fragile tendrils of hope that dared to rekindle within him. 

Maybe it was all a figment of his imagination. 

But he swore he heard your voice, swore that tug, as faint as it was, was there. The crushing weight of loss descends once more, and it's as if he's losing you all over again. The echoes of hope vanish, leaving only a hollowing ache. His shadows begin to stir again, anxious to fill that hollowness in fear of the malevolent darkness that threatens to creep back inside and consume him all over again.

“No, no, no,” Azriel cries, his voice breaking into a mere whisper. With tear-streaked eyes, he looks up towards the moon, its ethereal glow filtering through the window on the ceiling.

“Please,” he says, beseeching the celestial body to heed his prayer. 

Yet, the void persists and an overwhelming surge of fear takes hold, tightening its icy grip around him. Because though he thinks of you all the time, he’s beginning to forget the small details. Such as the exact shade of your eye, the radiant sparkle in your eyes as you’d smile at him, the comforting warmth of your laugh, the precise hue of blush that would grace your cheeks every time he told you he loved you.

He doesn’t want to forget. As painful as the memories are now, he wants to anchor himself into every single one of them. To hold onto the exquisite weight of every detail.

"Please," Azriel pleads once more. His body quivers with each sob, hunched over in bed, fingers tightly gripping his chest as if trying to anchor his unraveling soul. The shadows, usually under his control, writhe in a frenzied storm, mirroring the emotions swirling inside him. Some tendrils slither out from beneath the door, seeking out help.

It doesn’t take long for them to reach someone. Rhysand swiftly materializes in the room. "Azriel!" he calls out, a voice cutting through the tumult of emotions that cling to the air like heavy mist. “What’s wrong?”

"I heard her, Rhys," Azriel confesses through tearful sobs, his pain echoing in the shadows. "I felt her."

“What if she’s alive? I–I need to find her.”

Rhysand's heart plummets, a solemn gravity darkening his features. “She’s dead, Az,” he murmurs softly, tone laced with empathy. While Azriel lost his mate, Rhysand had lost his sister. He, too, mourns for you.

Azriel shakes his head in denial. “She needs me.”

Rhysand takes a deep breath, blinking back his own tears. He then turns toward the doorway, meeting Feyre’s wide eyes. She had rushed to the room along with him. "Please, get Cas," he tells her.

**

As Azriel secures his siphons, he stares down at his left wrist, where a lunar emblem is etched onto his tan skin. It had disappeared when you had died but now, it is vivid against his skin once more. He doesn’t know exactly when it had reappeared. He was binding his hands before a training session, weeks ago, when he noticed it. The reappearance of your mating tattoo carries with it the weight of the vows you had spoken to him.

“As long as I’m alive, I will love you with every breath.”

But you weren’t alive. You were still dead. After that night almost a year ago, Azriel had looked for you. Every night and day. For months.  He was driving himself into pure madness, even his shadows had grown restless. There had been no more signs, no more traces of you but he still pushed on and he would’ve continued if Rhysand hadn’t forced him to stop.

“Are you ready?”

Azriel nods at Rhysand, securing the last of his weapon to his leathers. He then spares a glance toward Cassian, who is doing the same. It had been a long week of planning for this very moment.

Koschei initiated contact through a cryptic note delivered to Rhysand. The message proposed a meeting at the lake. A “peace” conference, he had called it. One that exclusively also required the presence of Cassian and Azriel. The terms were strange, but with dwindling options and time slipping away, Rhysand reluctantly consented.

"I'll be back before you know it," Rhysand reassures Feyre, bending down to plant a tender kiss on her temple. His gaze lingers on their infant son cradled in Feyre's arms, his smile warm as he places a gentle kiss on Nyx's head. "Save me a slice of Elain's cake for later.”

"Alright," Feyre exhales, her eyes still etched with worry. Her attention shifts towards the inked markings on her left arm and a fleeting shadow brushes softly against the tattoo. Lifted by the subtle touch, her gaze meets Azriel's and then Cassian's. In that silent exchange, they convey an unspoken commitment to protect their family at any cost. Feyre can only manage a small smile before the three males winnow away.

**

As soon as they arrive at the lake, Azriel feels a stirring in his chest. His attention is immediately drawn to a lone white swan. The swan glides across the murky water. A looming darkness rises from the lake, blocking his view of the swan and causing his shadows to jerk back. 

"Welcome," Koschei's voice whispers through the wind.

Rhysand moves forward, standing in front of Cassian and Azriel, despite the anxiety coursing through him. “Let’s cut to the chase. What do you want?”

The looming darkness swells, and a malevolent chuckle reverberates from its core. Azriel’s shadows tuck themselves behind his wings and his entire body stiffens. He can sense Cassian do the same beside him.  "You know precisely what I desire."

"And you know why we won't grant it," Rhysand retorts. There’s an icy rage swirling in his violet eyes that overcomes his sense of fear. He can only imagine what a world ruled by Koschei would be like and he refuses to allow the death god the power to harm his family.

"I anticipated your reluctance, Rhysand. That's why I've prepared a gift. Aid in my liberation from this lake, and it's yours."

Rhysand scoffs, unwavering. "No gift will entice me to free you."

"Are you certain about that?"

The wind intensifies, rustling leaves and brushing against the Illyrians, raising goosebumps in its wake. Birds, concealed in the trees, erupt in panicked flight. Rhysand, undeterred, digs his hands into his pockets, his eyes narrowing in question at the death god.

Koschei's laughter echoes again. "Perhaps I should show you first. It’s only fair, wouldn't you agree?"

The wind abruptly ceases, plunging the world into an eerie hush. The shadow that looms over the lake drifts to the side, allowing the swan from earlier to glide forward. Suddenly, a dark mist envelops the bird, its form blurring and shifting until the swan's elegant feathers dissolve into a cascade of shimmering silver. From the mist, a cloaked figure emerges, her midnight-blue robes trailing behind her like the ripples of the lake. 

With each step, the water seems to part beneath her feet, revealing the silhouette of a woman long thought lost to the depths. You.

“y/n!”

Azriel instinctively moves forward, hand reaching out towards you. Cassian, however, restrains him, a powerful grip on his brother’s arm preventing any impulsive advance.

Rhysand's eyes widen as you approach, a slow and haunting revelation unfolding in the dim light. It is you, standing right in front of them. In your blood and flesh. But your eyes–your eyes, once bright with life, now mirror the opaque shroud of mist hovering around you.

“This can’t be,” Rhysand breathes, his voice barely a whisper, disbelief coloring his tone. “How?

“King Hybern resurrected your sister from the magic of the Cauldron the same way he did with Jurian. You see, Tamlin was desperate to get Feyre back at that time. He let his guard down, allowing Ianthe to not only disclose the location of the Archeron sisters but also the location of your dear sister’s remains. Tamlin buried her body somewhere in his lands but his father had kept her wings. As a trophy. Did you know her death was slow and cruel?”

A shudder courses through Rhysand. Cassian’s fist clench at his sides and he spares a glance toward Azriel, whose body is shaking. None of them knew the details of your murder. An apprehensive feeling churned in their stomachs and Rhysand felt the bile rise in his throat.

“The sons of Spring did not show her the same mercy they did your mother. They drugged her with faebane, rendering her powerless so that she could not fight back. They sloughed her finger off to gift to you. Then, they took her wings. Let her bleed to death."

Suddenly, Azriel’s chest tightens. He can’t breathe. A pained expression crosses his face and his knees go weak. Images of you being tortured to death flood his mind and all he can think about is how he failed you. Cassian’s grip on him tightens even more, keeping him steady. 

“King Hybern was so sure he’d win the war that he kept your sister hidden. He knew the Shadowsinger was her mate so he drugged her with faebane the same way the sons of Spring did. He didn’t want any of you finding out she was alive.”

“Hybern didn’t want to ruin the surprise. After his victory, he had planned to take you all back to the castle to torment you with her live state. Only to have you die at her hands. Of course, as you can see, that didn’t work out. Briallyn knew of her resurrection and brought her to me.”

Azriel can’t take his eyes off of you. His shadows dart toward you, slithering up your legs and caressing every inch of you. They linger on your wings. You don’t move. You don’t even blink.

But you’re alive. 

All this time you had been alive. That nightmare he had, it was real. You were calling out to him, asking for help. Tears sting at his eyes. That tug he had felt from your shared bond. It was also real. And the tattoo that had reappeared on his skin was not a cruel trick from the Cauldron. But a sign.

“I’ve become very familiar with your sister. She’s very powerful but I’m sure you knew that.”

Rhysand’s gaze flickers to where you stand, heart aching. It’s you but not you. Unlike Azriel, he can’t help but think what if this is all a trick? An illusion to get him to side with Koschei? Cassian meets his worried gaze. They both glance toward Azriel and then exchange a look.

“Let her go.” Cassian finally speaks, hazel eyes glaring at the darkness before them. “And take me instead.”

“Lord of Bloodshed,” Koschei addresses Cassian in an amused manner. “What a most gracious offer. Unfortunately, for you, I have no desire to replace y/n. You, however, are welcome to join me of your own free will.”

“While I am confined to this lake, y/n is going to do everything I physically cannot. She’ll be my proxy, my spymaster. Isn’t that right?”

"Yes, master.”

The words slip from your lips like ice, each syllable devoid of the warmth and affection that once filled them. Azriel's heart lurches in his chest, a cold dread settling in the pit of his stomach as he hears the lifeless tone of your voice. 

"No," Azriel growls, the sound reverberating through the air with a primal intensity. His voice, usually steady and composed, now carries an edge of desperation and fury. “You have no right to her. She’s mine.”

Rhysand keeps his hands in his pockets, hiding the fact that they’re slightly trembling. He eyes you once more, pure agony seeping into his very core. He mentally takes a deep breath and looks back toward the looming shadow over the lake, mustering all his strength to feign indifference. 

“I don’t understand how this is a gift.”

“Here’s the deal, Rhysand. You help free me from this lake and I free y/n from my control. It’s as simple as that. Since I’m feeling generous, I’ll give you a week to think about it.”

All seven of Azriel’s siphons ignite in a cobalt blaze of raw power. He will not let Koschei control you. You’ve already suffered enough. Cassian struggles to maintain his hold, his grip faltering against the force of Azriel's will. 

“Azriel, no!”

The sound that erupts from Azriel was more animal than human—a deep, throaty growl that spoke of primal fury. He breaks free from Cassian, stumbling forward. He regains his footing with ease, rushing toward the lake. Toward the looming figure. Toward you. He’s so close, the water lapping at his boots when your clouded eyes finally meet his.

Burning pain courses through Azriel’s veins, bringing him to his knees and suddenly, he feels like he’s on fire. Your power takes hold over him, penetrating to the core of his being, carving through the marrow of each bone. He knows the fire is not real. It’s only an illusion but it feels as if every single cell in his body is being tormented with the worst agony imaginable. He can barely hear himself scream over the roaring pain in his ears.

Two strong hands clamp onto Azriel’s shoulders and he writhes against it, fighting it. “No,” his voice is a mere hoarse whisper as Rhysand uses his own power to pull him out of your illusion.

As Rhysand’s tendrils of darkness engulf Azriel, the last thing he sees are your eyes. They’re still clouded over, devoid of their usual luster. Yet, against the backdrop of emptiness, tears escape from them.

**

Azriel wakes to a dull ache in his head. He feels the gentle caress of his shadows against his face, attempting to alleviate the headache that grips him. With a slow blink, he reluctantly greets the soft illumination of his room at the riverhouse. Memories of what happened earlier flood back with startling clarity and his wings quiver involuntarily. A physical manifestation of the anguish that had ravaged his spirit. He doesn’t care that it was you who inflicted that pain upon him.

It pales in comparison to the pain you must be feeling inside. A mere glimpse of the raw emotions raging within you was enough to pierce Azriel's heart. Like a tempestuous storm, the waves of pain surged through your bond. But then, abruptly, he was shut out.

The image of your tear stained cheeks as you brought him to his knees plagues him with uneasiness. It’s this restless unease that stirs him, prompting him to rise from the bed. He looks toward his door, his shadows curling against his ears. Heavy with determination, he makes his way towards Rhysand’s office.

When Azriel's shadows forcefully swing the doors open, the entire inner circle stands before him. Their expressions betray the weight of their recent discussions. The room falls into a silence, thickened with tension. They had been discussing you. Without him. His hands clench into tight fists, his simmering anger threatening to spill over.

“Azriel,” Feyre greets him with a tense smile. “How are you feeling?”

Azriel’s eyes lock onto Rhysand. Anguish and resentment churn within him and Rhysand's posture stiffens in response

“We have to approach this situation with caution,” Rhysand says, surprised by the steadiness in his own voice despite the weight of their predicament.

“Caution?” Azriel nearly growls, prompting Cassian to inch toward him. “She is my wife! My mate! And you expect me to just sit here and wait for your approval to save her?”

Rhysand frowns, his violet eyes flaring. “You think I don’t hurt too?” He exclaims, his voice breaking as he utters his next words. “She is my sister!”

A hand rests on Azriel’s shoulder. Cassian’s. “I want to save her too. Trust me, I do. But we can’t just jump into–”

Azriel shakes Cassian’s hand off, his shadows hissing toward the taller male. “What if it were Nesta?”

Cassian frowns and he spares a glance toward his mate, who is watching the scene unfold with a somber look on her face. Azriel releases a frustrated huff before redirecting his gaze towards Rhysand, a pointed finger aimed accusingly at his friend and High Lord. 

"If it were Feyre," he insists, his voice tinged with both desperation and conviction, "you would see no reason."

Rhysand's silence speaks volumes.

"I failed her once," Azriel continues, firm and resolute. "I will not fail her again."

But Rhysand's response is unwavering. "I can't let you go. You have to understand.”

Azriel's jaw tightens. "You can't stop me," he counters in defiance, wings flaring out behind him.

"As your High Lord, I–”

"I'm done," Azriel cuts off sharply before Rhysand can go any further. He’s well aware of the weight of his words but he doesn’t allow them to bring him down. You are his mate, the tether to his soul, and he will put you above all else. Even his family. 

 "I resign as Spymaster of the Night Court.”

Feyre's eyes glisten with tears as she approaches Azriel, brushing off Rhysand's attempt to hold her back. "Azriel, please," she implores, her voice trembling with emotion. She knows what Azriel must be feeling. She knows because she lived it herself when Rhysand died after the war. But she also knows–or at least, hopes–that there’s another way to bring you back home. She’s already making plans in her mind to reach out to Helion.

"Don't go. We'll find a way to bring her back, I swear it. Just give us time."

Azriel shakes his head, the thought of waiting to rescue you souring in his mouth. He can't bear the thought of you in pain, needing him, while he stands idle. The urgency to act gnaws at his soul, a primal instinct driving him to protect you at any cost.

“You’ll abandon your family then?” Amren asks. Despite her efforts to maintain her usual façade of indifference, a faint glimmer in her eyes betrays the struggle.

“I will not abandon my mate.” Azriel says, taking a step back. “She’s my family too.”

"Don't do this," Rhysand pleads as he takes a tentative step forward, his hand outstretched toward his brother.

Azriel takes another step back, his hazel eyes darting across the room, absorbing the silent pleas etched on the faces of the inner circle. He loves them but he loves you more. 

When his gaze locks with Rhysand's again, Rhysand's heart sinks. He realizes that Azriel's mind is already set. His brows knit together in a pained expression. He doesn’t want it to end like this.

"I will not hold this against you," Rhysand manages, his voice strained.

How can he hold this against Azriel? When he would do the same for Feyre. When you, his sister, have been brought back to life only to be imprisoned by Koschei. A gasp fills the room as he drops to his knees. 

"But please... just...please..."

The words catch in his throat, choked by the overwhelming grief and helplessness that engulf him. His shoulders slump in defeat as tears blur his vision. Feyre instinctively wraps her arms around him, pulling him close. A brief sanctuary in the midst of his shattering world.

He knows he cannot make Azriel promise anything and Azriel knows this too. Despite the grim circumstances, there is a flicker of solace in Rhysand knowing that whatever terrors may come, you won't face them alone.

“I’m sorry,” is all Azriel says before winnowing away.

**

Azriel’s shadows tuck themselves back behind his wings when he arrives at the familiar lake. His gaze immediately seeks out the water's edge, where wisps of mist still linger. There's no sign of the white swan he had seen earlier.

"I knew you would come around, Shadowsinger," Koschei's voice taunts from the shadows.

"Where is she?" Azriel demands.

Koschei's laughter carries on the wind, but he concedes. You emerge from the surrounding trees, your eyes widening in shock as you lock gazes with Azriel. This time, your eyes are clear, unclouded, and Azriel's heart twists with recognition as he memorizes the exact shade of your eyes all over again.

"You can't be here," you protest, and Azriel's shadows peek out from behind his wings, reacting to the sound of your voice. It's you. It’s really you.

Your eyebrows furrow, mirroring the same pained expression Rhysand had worn just moments ago. You recognize the gleam in his eyes. "No," you plead, your voice barely a whisper, tears welling up in your eyes. "You can't do this. You have to go back. Go back right now!"

Tearing his gaze off of you, Azriel looks toward the ominous silhouette of Koschei. He can feel the air thicken with anticipation, awaiting his next words. He continues to ignore your protests, even as you frantically rush toward his side. 

 “As long as you have control over her, you have control over me.” Azriel says and then drops to  his knees in submission. 

"My, my, my. What a lovely surprise," Koschei remarks, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Get up!" You cry out, your hands clutching at Azriel's arms in a desperate attempt to pull him away from the lake. Away from Koschei's grasp. "Azriel, get up!"

Azriel’s knees remain rooted to the spot but his body leans into your embrace. His eyes flutter shut as he allows himself a fleeting moment to revel in the warmth of your presence—the warmth he had yearned for over centuries. The warmth he thought he would never feel again.

His eyes open and though Koschei is a mere shadow a couple of feet away, he can feel his gaze burning into his soul.

“I’ll serve you too,” Azriel finally says, sealing his fate alongside yours in the grasp of the death god.

**

"What have you done?" Your voice trembles with disbelief, your eyes still wide with shock as you stare up at Azriel, your hands reaching out to grasp his face. After Azriel swore his loyalty to Koschei, the death god had granted you both permission to be alone. He sent you to his sister’s old cottage, where you’d be staying for now.

Azriel's heart swells at the touch of your warm, soft hands against his skin. He wipes away the tears that cascade down your cheeks, his own emotions overwhelming him. "You're alive," he murmurs softly, his voice barely above a whisper, as he rests his hands on your face.

His fingers trace the familiar contours of your features. Every line, every curve is evidence to the reality of your presence. A presence he had long thought lost to him for eternity. The Cauldron had gifted him once more. Here you are, tangible and real. Alive. He can barely believe his eyes.

As Azriel's fingers brush against your face, his shadows dance eagerly in his wake, reaching out to join in the tender caress. They yearn for the sensation of your skin, their touch as gentle as a whisper, expressing their overwhelming joy in silent echoes. "I love you. I love you. I love you," they chant in a chorus of happiness and the bond in your chest sings back in a language only you three understand.

Despite the tears streaming down his face, there’s such a deep and profound warmth in Azriel’s eyes. As he looks at you, it’s like sunlight breaking through dark stormy clouds. You want to bask in its golden glow but as a thought crosses your mind, you abruptly shrink back from him and your lip quivers.

“I hurt you. I-I didn’t want to but I couldn’t stop it. I hurt you. I made you scr–”

Azriel smiles at you, bringing you back into his protective embrace. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” you breathe, eyes searching for any trace of pain or repulse. You find none and though unleashing your power on your mate was against your will, your guilt threatens to consume you. “I’m so sorry, Azriel. I’m so sorry you’re here.”

"Don't be," he murmurs softly, cradling your head against his chest. His fingers thread through your hair, a gentle reassurance of his unwavering presence. He had lost you once. He’s not going to lose you again. 

With a heartfelt sigh, he pulls you even closer. “I’m right where I want to be.”

Slowly but surely, the cascade of tears dwindled, leaving a trace of dampness on your cheeks and Azriel’s leathers. In your mate’s arms, you finally have the courage to voice your deepest fear.

"I'm scared, Az. What if I hurt you again? Hurt someone else? What if I do something worse?”

The vulnerability in your voice tugs at his heartstrings, igniting a fierce determination to shield you from any harm. He’d do anything for you.

“You can do no wrong in my eyes.” Azriel responds, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. He then inhales deeply, flooding his senses with your scent. “You don’t know how much I missed you.”

Azriel then pulls away, just enough to look at you again. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you but I’m here now. I won’t fail you this time.”

Your gaze softens. You send a wave of pure love through the bond and Azriel feels his heart flutter at the sensation he’s been deprived of for so long.

“You never failed me, Az.”

Azriel's face breaks into a radiant smile and you smile back at him. It lights up the darkness that had weighed heavily on his heart for centuries. "I love you," his voice is barely above a breath, reveling in the blush that takes over your cheeks in response.

He reaches for the chain around his neck, fingers trembling slightly as he clasps your left hand. His gaze lingers on the lunar tattoo on your arm that matches his for a moment before sliding your wedding ring back onto your finger.

Holding your gaze, he brings your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. "My mate," he murmurs against your skin. He then kisses the ring on your finger, the cobalt gem glowing in response. “My wife.”

"I love you," you say back, your arms winding around his neck as your fingers caress the soft strands of his hair. He yields to you, allowing himself to be drawn closer.  You kiss the corner of his mouth. "My mate."

Then, finally, you press your lips against his. "My husband," you declare softly, sealing your bond with a kiss that echoes the depths of your devotion and commitment to each other. 

And for the first time in centuries, Azriel sleeps soundly with you in his arms. Free from the torment of nightmares that had haunted him for so long.

Only to wake up and realize it’s because he’s now living in one.

a/n: Hope you enjoyed! When writing this, I didn't intend for there to be more parts so for now, it's a one-shot. I left the ending open-ended to allow you to interpret it how you want and also, leave room for a sequel in case I ever do want to go back to this. That being said, while I don't have ideas for a sequel in mind as of right now, I did come up with a backstory for Az & reader in this little au so I might write a prequel on how their relationship came to be.

I also have another Az x Rhys's sister series. It is written in third person and it's more of an Az x OC series. You can find it here, if interested. But I do intend to make this au different than that one.

tagging: @scooobies, @kennedy-brooke, @sillysillygoose444

[hugmekenobi]

Forever

A Bad Batch Post S3 Oneshot

Gif by @barissoffee

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Summary: Just when you think your fresh start can officially begin, the past still finds a way to haunt you

Warnings: No (Y/N), me adding one actual personal characteristic (sorry if you aren't arachnophobic), reader has hair long enough to hold, light PDA (kissing), mentions of scars, SMUT (shower sex with non-explicit descriptions of oral m&f receiving, handjob, fingering, making out, dirty talk,hints of praise kink), suggestive dialogue, reader wears a sundress, swearing, hints of Tech/Phee, just stick with me on the Lyra explanation please, mentions of food and drinks/alcohol, drink and general tampering for the sake of poisoning, me making up medical things, descriptions of illness (vomiting, fever, bodily pain), mentions of medical testing/needles and injections, concerned bad batch family, brief dark/protective Hunter, injury (cuts, blaster shots, broken nose/nosebleeds) and torture descriptions with further mentions of pain and blood, a certain lizard makes an unwelcomed appearance, big on the overall fluff and loving vibes but also big on angst and hurt/comfort, references to death and torture, near-character death, fluff and happy ending don't worry

<Previous Oneshot (not totally necessary to read but helpful for build up)

Masterlist for S1,S2 and S3

Word Count: 24.9K (don't look at me lol)

Rating: 18+

Author's note: This is a crazy ride jam-packed with fav tropes of mine, so I can only apologise for the emotional whiplash, but blame my dream because that is where this entire concept came from! Hope it was worth the wait!

The day of the party everyone had been eager awaiting had finally arrived. It was being done in your and the rest of the Batch’s honour and was serving as a combined official welcome to Pabu/congratulations on making it through everything alive type of thing but regardless of the slightly elaborate purpose, the island was all a buzz with excitement and preparations.

You and Hunter were meandering away from the busy colonnade. Your offer to help with the last of the party set up had been politely declined so instead the two of you had opted to join the others at the beach.

“Hey!”

You turned in surprise at the familiar voice and you saw the woman running off her ship and towards you. “Oh hey! What-” Your question was cut off with a huff of air as you were brought into a tight hug.

“Let me see-” Lyra stepped back from you and grabbed your hands excitedly but stopped short as she held them.

“See what?” You looked at her, utterly perplexed by her behaviour.

Hunter resisted the urge to clamp his hand over Lyra’s mouth but there’d be no believable way to explain that away, so he just had to stand there and cross his fingers that you didn’t pressure Lyra for further elaboration.

Lyra realised her mistake and backtracked quickly. “You. Let me see you. It’s been far too long.” She dropped your hands and just walked around you, analysing your form. “Yup, I still got it. Both of you are looking pretty sharp in my stuff if I do say so myself. So, I bet the rest of your lot do to.”

“Stop that.” You twisted your head around and waved her away with a fond yet bemused grin. “Why are you acting so weird? Better yet why are you here? Not that I’m not happy to see you.” You added hastily but you were a second too late.  

Lyra placed her hand over her heart in faux offence. “Wow, months with no word and then only sporadic comm channel conversations and this is how I’m greeted? I told you I would visit. Speaking of, I brought more samples of my work.” She gestured to the two cases by her feet. “Top one is yours, the second is to be divided between the rest of your crew. But to answer your question, I’m here for the party.”

You titled your head at her. Your last call had been before the party had been decided so you didn’t know how she knew about it. “The party? Who invited you?” You asked quizzically.

Lyra shot a nervous glance to the man at your side. She’d already almost blown it; she didn’t want to risk doing it again. “Uh, Hunter did actually.”

You glanced at Hunter curiously. “You did?”

Hunter maintained a sense of calm as he answered, “Well, technically it was through Echo, but I put them in contact. Also, a lot of people were asking about our clothes. Figured it couldn’t hurt to see if Shep needed someone like her here. Today felt like the perfect time.” That part was a genuine truth. He hadn’t thought much of the situation on Christophsis in the short time he’d been there- well, what he had thought wasn’t in any way positive-, and you’d always expressed interest in figuring out a way to get Lyra out of there and somewhere better. He was killing two birds with one stone here.  

“Yeah, a party and a job opportunity away from Imperial bullshit was too good to pass up.” Lyra confirmed with a grin.

You smiled broadly. “Oh okay! That’d be pretty great actually! So, Christophsis hasn’t improved since I left?”

“Just kept getting worse.” Lyra said plainly. “Got decent enough business to buy that condemned ship but it’s still pretty awful there. I definitely would not miss it.”

You shot her a sympathetic look before you clapped your hands together, “Well, I better go get Shep and officially introduce you two!” You wandered away to go find the man that was busying about the area making sure things were on schedule for tonight.

Hunter waited until you were out of earshot. He placed his hands on his hips and stared at Lyra. “That was subtle.” He deadpanned.

Lyra cringed. “I’m sorry! The transmission from Echo was pretty dodgy. I couldn’t quite hear him. I just heard ‘Hunter, party, Pabu’ so I though this party was to celebrate what had happened, not as a lead up to what’s going to happen.”

Hunter heaved a weary, stressed sigh. This was beginning to become the best yet somehow worst kept secret on Pabu. He was just grateful that the one person who he really didn’t want to know still appeared to have no idea. How that was possible, he really didn’t understand since it seemed to have spread from the need-to-know people to what felt like every citizen of the island, but he didn’t want to question it too much in case he jinxed it. Each time he passed someone by, and they shot him that knowing smile, he felt a flare of panic that you would notice and start to question him but so far, you just took it as standard practice from the naturally friendly disposition of the people here. He was almost there, he just needed everyone around him to keep it together. He straightened up and signalled to Lyra to act natural as you approached them once more.

“Lyra, this is Shep. The best mayor of Pabu and overall, pretty incredible man. Shep, this is my friend Lyra.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lyra stuck her hand out with a friendly grin and nodded to you. “She’s always spoken highly of you.”

“We’ve all grown very fond of her and the rest of the family.” Shep smiled and shook her hand in return. “It’s nice to officially meet you too! You’re joining us for our little shindig? And Hunter also tells me you’re looking to live and employ yourself here?”

“Yup! Can’t keep me from a good party. And yes, if you have the space for me, I’d love to talk to you about it more!” Lyra said cheerily. “Anything I can do to help with setting up in the meantime?”

“I’m sure there’s something. It always gets chaotic in the final stages.” Shep said, sweeping his arm in front of him to guide her in the direction he was going.

“Hang on, you said-” You started to argue.

“Go enjoy your day, we’ll see you later tonight!” Shep said dismissively.

“Your cases!” Hunter called after the fading figures.

“They’re yours!” Lyra tossed over her shoulder. “Although, I’d wait until you’re alone to open yours!” She said to you specifically.

You let out a small groan. Your mind immediately entered panic mode and started jumping between every experimental or bold combination of clothing that she felt the need to put you in. She’d been on point so far, but you knew there had to be a catch at some point.

“We can take a slight detour before heading to the beach, right? It’s only a couple minutes out the way.” Hunter double checked with you.

“Yeah def-” You didn’t even get a chance to finish your sentence or pick up a box before someone swept in and addressed Hunter.

“Don’t worry, Hunter. I’m heading past your house anyway to grab some supplies we need up here. I can drop them off. You guys can carry on with your day.”

“Thanks Kyan.” Hunter said as the fisherman picked up the boxes.

“Yes, thank you so much!” You echoed as he left. “Why is everyone being so nice?” You mused as you saw him head in the direction of your home. “We’re basically passing our house anyway; we could’ve done it.”

“They’re always nice here.” Hunter said nonchalantly, hoping you wouldn’t sense his nerves increasing. He snaked an arm around your waist and guided you down the winding path.

“I guess.” You mirrored his gesture as you strolled towards the beach. “This just feels different, like they all know something we don’t.”

“I wouldn’t think too much about it.” Hunter advised. Two more hours. Only two more hours to go before the secret would finally be out in the open.

--

You and Hunter stood on an outcrop of rocks just overlooking the sea and you called over to the group of people and dog sitting on the beach. “How was the swim?”

“Amazing! You really should go for one too. The water is so nice!” Omega encouraged as she lounged on a towel, letting the warm sun dry her off. Her and Batcher had been the only one to actually enter the water, the others had only decided to get their feet wet.

“I’m good. We don’t have long before the party and I’d rather-” You sensed the threat a second to late. With a yelp, you were shoved over the edge and entered the water with a splash.

You came to the surface to the sounds of laughter from the bystanders on the beach- even the dog was barking in a way that sounded like a laugh. You glared up at the clone staring down at you with a smug grin on his face. “You mother-”

“So… how’s the water?” Hunter taunted.

Two could play this game. “Yeah, it’s great actually, you’re really missing out.” With that, you raised your hand and with a tug of the Force, Hunter swiftly tumbled into the water too.

His aggrieved shout before he hit the water was music to your ears.

“Okay, I should’ve seen that coming.” Hunter admitted through a short series of coughs as he reappeared from below the depths.

Your plan of revenge had instantly backfired given just how perfect he looked right now. Your breath hitched as you saw the way his wet hair fell around his shoulders and framed his profile as well as the way droplets of water dripped down his face. He was a sight to behold. You reached up and stroked some of his damp fringe just behind his bandana. You’re beautiful.

Hunter gulped at the compliment. It had never been a word he’d apply to himself; he didn’t really view himself in that light, it was only ever you. Yet you said it to him with such sincere feeling, he knew you meant it.

You kissed him softly before you made to swim for shore, but you didn’t get very far.

In one short stroke, Hunter reached you and kissed you fiercely.

You tangled your fingers in his damp locks with a pleasure filled sigh as you matched his strokes.

Hunter could taste the salt on your lips, and he could feel the way your body pressed against him as you grew more eager, it only spurred him on further.

The few disgruntled and offended shouts as well as a ship flying overhead caused you both to hastily pull apart.

“It’s Echo!” Omega yelled happily, wriggling out of the protective hand Wrecker had placed over her eyes- it wasn’t like she had no idea what was going on. Not waiting on the rest of them, she and Batcher dashed back towards where his ship was going to land.

“Um, so-” Hunter began awkwardly. He used to be more careful about the public displays of affection, especially around his family, but it would appear that feeling free, relaxed and in love could be quite a distraction when it wanted to be.

Should everything go to plan, they were taking her anyway, but the confirmation felt necessary. “Yes, we’ll take her tonight.” Crosshair said, shaking his head in the direction of the two of you but a smile was on his face.

“Ha! The gang’s all back!” Wrecker cheered, slapping Tech’s shoulder as he, Tech and Crosshair followed the young girl. “I can’t wait for this thing to get started!”

“Yes, this party should be quite the reunion.” Tech remarked simply as he walked and finished making the finishing touches to the repairs to his goggles.

“Echo’s taking a break from the clone rebellion for a party?” You furrowed your brow as you reached the sand and half-heartedly wrung out the edges of your top.

Hunter shrugged as he wiped some water off his face. The fact that his brother was indeed making an appearance meant a lot, but he couldn’t very well act like that in front of you. “It’s supposed to be quite the party.”

You huffed out a laugh. “Right.”

“Plus, he was right there with us, so it be a shame if he didn’t make an appearance.”

You inclined your head in acceptance of that. You then took proper notice of the way his soaked clothes clung to his toned body, emphasising very muscle. Despite the chill of the water, your blood ran hot as intense longing overcame you. You turned away from him and attempted to regain control of yourself.

Hunter noticed the way you swiftly stopped looking at him and he knew you were fighting to regain control the same way he was but, quite frankly, he didn’t want to. He came up behind you and draped his arms around your front.

You exhaled happily and leaned back against him.

“How about a shower?” He crooned in your ear as he brushed his lips just behind your ear.

You nodded dumbly as he gently nipped at your earlobe. Control was overrated.

--

You let out a squeal as the door you were pressed up against opened suddenly and you stumbled backwards- if it weren’t for the strong hands gripping your hips, you would’ve fallen straight down. Your kisses with Hunter were a passionate and frenzied mess of tongue and teeth as he backed you down the hallway, muscle memory guiding the way since neither of you wanted to pull apart, not even to catch your breath.

A trail of wet clothes marked the way through to the refresher.

A gasp left your mouth as the first cold spray of water hit you, a gasp that Hunter took full advantage off as he kissed you deeply, swallowing your groans of pleasure.

The water soon turned warm, but goosebumps still graced your skin as you were pushed up against the cool wall tiles. You leaned your head back as Hunter removed his lips from yours and began biting and kissing along your neck. “W-wait.” You managed to say breathlessly. He had always been the one to cater to your needs and you wanted nothing more than to be the one to do that for him first. He so rarely put himself first both in everyday life and in this particular regard and it was something you wanted to change.

Hunter immediately stopped and braced his hands on either side of your head, his breathing heavy as he waited until you were comfortable to carry on. Or not.

You nearly lost it at the sight of the man in front of you. Beautiful had been an understatement. He looked positively ethereal as his hair was wet and loose around his shoulders, the pieces of fringe at the front just demanding your touch. Water cascaded down his toned back and his usual caring brown eyes were nearly black with lust yet there was a slight crinkle in his brow to indicate that he was happy to wait until he knew you were okay with proceeding which only added to your desire. You inhaled deeply and pressed a seductive kiss to his mouth before you trailed your lips down his neck, kissing the hollow of his throat. You then gently pushed him away from you in order to change positions, so that he was the one against the tiles now.

Hunter looked at you questioningly but any words he was about to speak became a hoarse groan as he felt you reach down and wrap your hand around him. He tipped his head back against the tiles as you moved your hand.

You ignored the feeling of the water on your back and fixed your focus entirely on him as you kept your touches teasing, relishing each groan that left his throat. Look at me.

Hunter was all too willing to follow your instructions, but he saw you getting ready to kneel and he caught your elbow. He swallowed harshly as he rasped through the haze of pleasure you were granting him, “Y-you don’t have to. L- let me-”

You shook your head to silence his protests and paused what you were currently doing. You pressed soft, doting kisses up his thighs, before making your way up his ribs and affectionately kissing the jagged scar left by the wild reeks all those years ago and then you carried on downwards once more as you formed a path of kisses to his abdomen before you moved lower still.

“You’re always the one to give. I want you to take.” You encouraged as you licked a slow, sensual stripe along the length of him.

Hunter’s head fell back against the shower wall and a choked moan left his throat.

You stopped and tutted. You rose to your full height and grabbed the back of his neck, so he was forced to look at you once more. You needed him to watch so he knew just how much you wanted to do this for him. Keep your eyes on me. Do you think you can manage that?

Hunter just about managed to nod. He was utterly enraptured by the sight of you. Your eyes were bright and laced with longing, your heavy breaths came from lips already swollen from the kisses you’d shared and there was an overall desire that radiated from you that he was completely captivated by.  

You smirked and kissed him deeply. Good boy.

“Fuck.” Hunter breathed as he watched you go to your knees once more but even as you nodded up at him, he still found himself not wanting to take full advantage of the situation. He sought purchase against the shower walls as he fought with the primal urge within him to do what you were asking of him.

This particular scenario that you were invoking was new territory for him- you knew he would still be hesitant- so you began with that you knew would make him lose his mind and remove all doubt from his brain. You needed him to stop overthinking it and to stop being concerned with your pleasure needs for the moment.

You needed him only thinking about himself and the pleasure he wanted from you.

With his eyes still looking at you, Hunter’s hands slipped against the slick tiles as he fought against the impulse to tangle his fingers in your wet hair as each frustratingly slow and light touch had him losing his mind. Your name left his mouth in a cracked whisper as he pleaded, “P-please.”

Please what? You replied innocently. You looked up at him as you carried on, keeping your pace slow and your ministrations featherlight.

The alluring glint in your eyes had him swallowing hard as he searched for his voice. “I need- fuck- I need more…” He made a move to drop one of his hands but stopped. “Sweetheart, I-”  

You only need to take. You reminded as you placed light kisses along him.

At your words and as the instinctual need for release finally took over, Hunter found himself fisting your hair and guiding your mouth down the length of him.

You groaned appreciatively at the action.

Hunter released a choked gasp as the vibrations from your throat only added to the sensation that he was getting utterly lost in. And he was continuing to follow your instructions and he could understand why you’d laid them out. Watching your eyes flutter shut in pleasure as you accepted him made him close to finishing right then and there and he had gain control quickly or this would be over too soon.

You were compliant to his every move, making sure every response you gave him was what he wanted. His own moans and the broken praise emitting from his lips for you as he grew more and more caught up in finding gratification drove you on as he claimed your throat in the way you had been waiting for him to do.

His gruff sighs made your own simmering arousal burn red hot in your veins.

This was exactly what you wanted.

You wanted him incoherent.

You wanted him to let go.

You wanted him to focus on himself.

The release Hunter was chasing arrived faster than he’d anticipated but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from you. you felt too good. The best he could do was attempt a hoarse, stammered warning, “I’m gonna- oh fuck-” He kept looking at you and a new longing took a hold of him, the one he had before this began. “I want to taste y– I need to tou- fuck you’re doing so well-” But he still couldn’t stop despite him meaning the words he was blabbering. “I’m- wait-”

You already knew he was nearing his climax by the way his hips stuttered but you didn’t want him to hold back. You clasped his free hand in encouragement and kept yourself right where you were. It’s okay, I want it.

That was all he needed. With a loud and hoarse shout, Hunter reached that sweet moment of ecstasy.

You stayed strong, only stopping when he demandingly pulled you to your feet and before you could even process what had happened, your back was to the shower wall once more, Hunter’s body pressed tight up against yours as his lips crashed into yours.

Hunter could taste the remnants of his release on your tongue, and it prompted him to hold the hinge of your jaw to tip your head back as he licked into your mouth. A deep growl sounding from him as he did so.

You welcomed his kiss and matched his intensity as you pawed at his muscled back as if you could somehow remove every inch of offensive space between you.

Hunter finally pulled away for air, but he raised your arms above your head and pressed your wrists into the wall.

It was hard to imagine that not 30 seconds ago, you had reduced this man to a tongue-tied, purely desire driven mess. Yet now the positions had rapidly switched.

Hunter licked the water away from your neck, smiling against your skin as he felt your pulse quicken at the action. He kept one hand entrapping your wrists, but he slowly brought his other hand down, his fingertips steadily descending down your arm. “Do you know why I so rarely let you do that for me?”

You shook your head; you didn’t trust that actual words would exit your lips. Goosebumps graced your body at his touch.

“Because as talented as you are at that and as grateful as I am for you allowing me to do that…” He nuzzled his nose against the side of yours before he kissed the corner of your mouth, pulling away ever so slightly as you turned your head to kiss him properly.

The roguish, teasing grin on his face made your breath catch in your throat. Your desire grew more intense as his already low, smoky voice somehow went an octave lower and his seductive words sounded more like a deep growl as he spoke to you, and it made you weak at the knees. Your chest heaved as each yearning breath left your lungs as you watched him.

He caressed your cheek. “There’s something else that also brings me that much pleasure…” He kissed along your jaw before he carried on with his plan.

You could only observe him, the sight of his lust-fuelled gaze and the way he was suddenly so in control made your want for him burn that much hotter.

Hunter then rested his hand just at the hollow of your throat, feeling a shuddering breath leave you as you swallowed, he glanced up at your face which was watching him with both heightened curiosity and desperation as you waited for him to touch you were he knew you needed him to.

He trailed his fingers sensually down the rest of your torso before moving them tenderly up the inside of your thighs, a hint of delight flowing through him as he already felt how ready you were for him already and it was all from what had just transpired– he was yet to do anything. “Because when I touch you here…” He murmured as he ever so slightly rubbed that sensitive spot between your legs, delighting in the gasp that sounded from your lips. “I can watch you fall apart…”

A whimper sounded from your throat.

“And when I kiss you here…” He stopped his movements for the most part, instead just tenderly rubbing faint circles with his thumb as he mouthed his way down your body.

Your breathing was leaving you in short, sharp pants.

“I can watch you fall apart on my tongue.” With that, he lifted your leg onto his shoulder before his mouth joined where his fingers were. An eager moan came from his own lips as he finally got to taste you and for the moment, he wanted to savour this. You were a craving- an addiction- that he couldn’t get enough of. He was in no rush, and he draw this out for as long as you both could handle it.

His name fell from your lips through a raspy groan. He knew your body so damn well and that was both a blessing and a curse. He was barely giving you enough to gain any form of satisfaction but yet it was just enough to drive you crazy with need. You scrambled for a grip on the slippery tiles as desperate cries sounded from you. One hand fumbled against the small shelf as a particularly wicked curl of his fingers made a jolt of pleasure rush through you and various shower supplies came tumbling down with an unnecessarily loud crash but neither of you paid them any attention, instead you merely clamped that hand over your mouth to quiet yourself.

“You know I want to hear you, sweetheart.” Hunter crooned as he stopped what he was doing. The demand needed to be met before he would continue.

You nodded, through a pleasure induced daze as you removed your hand. You had to keep reminding yourself that you had a place of your own now and you could be as free as you wanted to be, there was no risk of being overheard or interrupted but it was a habit that was still proving difficult to break.

As he finally showed willing to bring you closer to the point of release, your mewls of pleasure left you without restraint.

Hunter hummed out his approval as he put his mouth back on you and began moving his fingers once more, and this time, he wasn’t drawing anything out.

He wanted to watch you come.

He angled his eyes up as he found that spot that he knew would have you finding your release in no time. He let out his own appreciative sigh as he saw the way your eyes flickered shut, as he saw the way your brow furrowed, and your lips parted in sweet relief as those special breathy sighs exited from them, signally that you were close.  

You arched your back as you went tumbling towards that blissful climax and you finished with a strangled groan, your hands tangling in Hunter’s soaked hair to ground yourself as he worked you through it.

Hunter made sure you were back to being steady on your feet before he prompted you to face the wall so he could press loving, accepting kisses to the scars on your back. “I love you... so much.” He nearly found himself following that up with the question, but he stopped himself. Too much had been planned and he knew exactly how he wanted to do it. He wasn’t about to ruin it with getting too caught up in this wonderful moment.

“I love you too.” You replied softly.

Hunter placed one last kiss between your shoulder blades before he gathered up the fallen shower products that had scattered around his feet.

You braced your forehead on the cool tiles to gather yourself once more. For a moment the only sounds were the steady of jets of shower water and Hunter placing the items back on their shelf,

“Okay… so… now we need to do the actual showering part.” You said breathlessly as you finally turned around and brushed back his fringe pieces.

Hunter chuckled and nodded his agreement. “We have a party to get to after all.”

--

“Hey, I have a question.” You asked casually as you appreciatively watched Hunter get dressed. You had made no such moves yet and were instead lounging on your bed still in your bathrobe.

“What’s that?” Hunter asked as he finished buttoning his shirt.

“How important is it that we attend this party?”

A wave of panic hit him, and he had to rely on old training to keep his voice steady. “Is everything okay?” Even with his fast-acting composure, he could tell his voice was strained but if you noticed, you didn’t call on it since you carried on as normal in your response.

“Well, no. After that display in the shower, I find myself not quite wanting to be so social.”

Hunter held back his sigh of relief. This was something he could handle just fine. It wasn’t your fault that you were looking to cause a bit of trouble, he was just glad that there wasn’t a more serious reason to your original question because that would make the rest of this evening rather tricky. “Given the fact that they’re having it in our honour, I’d say it’s pretty important that we go.”

You shuffled to the end of the bed and sat up. You caught his hand as he walked by you. “But there are five other honouree people that are going…”

“Sweetheart…” He really had to figure out how to navigate this without giving anything away.

“Now let’s see…” You feigned pondering as you went through the options in your head and rubbed your thumb along his hand. “We’ve already done the bed, the shower, the table, the couch and the counter…”

Hunter’s attempt at swallowing was interrupted as various memories flashed through his head, some highlights being your thighs wrapped around his head, you straddling his lap and his handprints imprinting on the glass of the kitchen cabinets. It was true that he had been rather insatiable lately and you had been all too willing and happy to match his enthusiasm but now was the time for self-control. He released a choked cough as he attempted to steady himself.

“But I don’t believe we’ve done a wall yet...” You said coyly as you started to pull down the arm of your bathrobe to expose more of your clavicle. You also spread your legs a little wider, so the fabric hitched up your thighs as you nodded to the dresser behind him. “Or the bureau…”

Hunter released a guttural, unrestrained groan before he kissed you. Hard. But just as you threaded your fingers in his hair and made to pull him on top of you, he found himself once more. He had to act now, or he’d never want to leave here. He stepped away and stopped your hand that was continuing to lower the shoulder of your robe, but he couldn’t help but notice the few remaining water droplets on your neck that were calling to be kissed away.  

“Hunter…” You pretended to pout as you gently yanked on the loose ends of his shirt, so he was forced to come and stand between your legs.

Hunter pushed down on your shoulders and your arms above your head. “Go.” A chaste kiss to your lips. “Get.” Another quick kiss. “Dressed.” He placed one final brief kiss to your mouth before he readjusted the shoulder of your dressing gown.

“The robe has to come off to do that though.” You whispered as you placed a tender kiss to his mouth.

Hunter huffed out a laugh as he stood tall once more. He quickly walked out the room before you had the chance to accidentally ruin everything he had put together. “Don’t take too long!” He called back to you.

You released a heavy, grounding sigh before you sat up and hopped off the bed and your eyes caught sight of the case. With apprehensive curiosity, you strolled over to the new package that Lyra had gifted you, bracing yourself for what was going to be revealed.

You unclasped the lock, but you were pleasantly surprised by what was inside. It was a variety of sundresses, each one a similar design but in a variety of colours. They were a new thing for you to try but you figured a party could call for doing something different, plus you couldn’t wait to see Hunter’s reaction to something like this.

You picked out a red dress and was unsurprised to see that it fit you just right. You had a rummage through the rest of the box to see if there was anything else or if it was just those dresses, but you regretted that immediately.

A horrified, strangled breath left you as you saw the three sets of lace lingerie. A red, a black and a white set were all folded neatly at the bottom of the box. You held up the red set and recognised the design immediately. You muttered a series of curse words to yourself before your eyes caught sight of a small black silk bag and the items in there left you frozen in shock. This was something you would have to keep well hidden. You slammed the lid shut and shoved it to the back of the shared closest.

--

You quietly walked down the short hallway towards the front room which served as an open planned area with a kitchen and living space. You leaned against the wall and a smile graced your face as you watched the domestic scene with fond affection- Hunter had just finished gathering and hanging up your sodden beach clothes and was proceeding to put away some dry dishes. It made your heart soar that he had settled into the domesticity of the island and the routine here so well, it made making a life with him here all the more appealing.

As much as you enjoyed watching him, and as much as you would enjoy just staying in, you knew he wanted to go to the party, and you knew you would have a good time once you were there. You just wanted a little bit more fun first. “Zip me up?”

Hunter half-turned from where he was putting away a plate, but he forgot how to both breathe and operate as a functioning human as he saw you. The dish slipped out of his hands and smashed against the ground.

You smirked. That had gone even better than you’d expected. “Hmm, that’s an interesting technique. Sure, it saves space but I’m not sure how sustainable it is in the long run.”

Hunter struggled to find his voice. He bent down to gather the broken pieces and throw them away to try to buy himself some recovery time, but it didn’t help. All he could do was stare at you. The red sundress you were wearing complimented you perfectly and it showed off your body to the best degree. You were, to put it mildly, simply stunning and suddenly, his entire operation for this evening didn’t seem that important anymore.

You whistled and waved your hand in an attempt to bring his attention back. “Hey, Hunter, my zip?” With that, you turned around and waited.

Hunter wasn’t sure how he willed his feet to move but he soon found himself behind you.

His knuckles grazed your skin as he slowly brought the zip up your body and attached the small clasp at the top. His jaw was clenched tight as he caught a whiff of the body wash and lotion you had used, and it was getting harder and harder to find the willpower to step away from you. He had a plan. He’d had this plan for weeks yet one look at you in this dress and he was seriously considering throwing it all out the window and to hell with the consequences of it. “You look beautiful.” He said through a deep exhale. Just one more hour. He only had to make it one more hour.

“Thank you.” You said quietly as you too worked on calming yourself.

You turned to face him. “You look pretty good too.” You complimented as you gave him an appraising look up and down– in your attempts to distract him, you’d failed to properly take him in before. He wasn’t quite wearing a suit- it would be too hot for that tonight- but the lightweight formal black button-down shirt and matching black bottoms fit his frame handsomely, and to make himself even more appealing, he had rolled the sleeves up to his forearms. “New one of Lyra’s?” You guessed as you smoothed down the front of your dress.

Hunter nodded. He didn’t offer too much detail because much of what was in his box consisted of proper suits for him and his brothers that he hoped would be useful in the near future.

“Gotta hand it to her, she knows what she’d doing.” You mused before you loosened your shoulders and linked your arm through Hunter’s elbow. “Come on, we’ve got a celebration to get to.”

--

Night had fallen but the area on the colonnade was all lit up by the warm orange glow of a vast number of lanterns. The party was in full swing. Food and drinks were already flowing, and the music was getting many people up and dancing.

A playful wolf-whistle greeted you and Hunter as the two of you entered the scene.

“Damn, I am too good. What a fine-looking couple you two are.”

Evidently, by the cheery and slightly lopsided way Lyra walked over to you, she had been hitting the punch pretty hard already.

“Having a good time?” You asked with a laugh.

“Very! This party is fantastic! Everyone here is so nice! And I got the job!!”

“Lyra, that’s awesome!” You hugged her tightly.

“Congrats.” Hunter offered mildly but sincerely.

“So, better get used to having me around. And that’s just as well cause you’ll need me to des-” She quickly cut herself off. It would appear that alcohol only aided the inability to keep a secret.

“Want a drink?” Hunter asked you swiftly before you could follow up on her comment.

You nodded. “I just gotta talk to Lyra about something.”

Hunter couldn’t very well insist you join him, but he only hoped what you needed to talk about wasn’t close to what would hopefully unfold tonight. He squeezed your hand before he hastily walked towards the drinks stand.

You faced Lyra once more after he was a suitable distance away. “Now, I’m happy for you but also rather irritated with you.”

“Why?” Lyra asked innocently as she brought the cup to her lips to hide her grin.

You didn’t believe her lack of awareness for an instant. “You put those in that case? What were you thinking?” You hissed.

“Why not? You were willing to before everything went to shit. I remembered the design and everything! And you have more options now!”

You shook your head. “I was feeling brave back then, that feeling has since passed.”

Lyra scoffed, “Please, with the way the two of you are, I’m surprised you haven’t done something like that already.”

“You’ve got a retired clone sergeant and a retired ex-Jedi living on a tropical island, things aren’t exactly crazy around here. I’ve lost my bold and brave streak.” You didn’t think she needed to know what had had gone on in the shower and the times before her arrival because that would only aid her argument if you were being perfectly honest.

Lyra merely rolled her eyes. “It’s not a battlefield. It’s a totally great way to switch things up, especially now that you’re in a secure living situation and you would both feel and looking fucking sexy. Plus, I bet you he would drop to his knees and do whatever you wanted if he saw you in one.”

“I will never- hey.” You relaxed quickly and cleared your throat as Hunter rejoined you.

“Did I interrupt something?” Hunter asked with a glance between the two of you as he passed you your drink.

Lyra angled herself towards him. “Hunter, let me ask you a question. If she had certain-”

“You interrupted nothing.” You interjected sharply.

“Um okay.” Hunter didn’t press the matter of whatever it was the two of you were debating. “Come on, the others are over there.” He pointed to where the bulk of the dancing and partying was taking place.

“Just think about it!” Lyra implored.

You glared at her as Hunter led you away.  

Lyra simply grinned and raised her glass in your direction. “Enjoy the party!”

--

The time was drawing near, and Hunter was just confirming with Shep that everything was set for when he got back when Hunter noticed you and Crosshair sitting and chatting, but you were also swaying to the beat of the music. He bade Shep farewell before he approached you.

--

The party was still going full swing and after you had the chance to catch up with Echo, you and Crosshair had retired to a seat on the side to people watch. The two of you sat in comfortable silence as you casually observed the goings on around you. There was a healthy split between the people by the food and drink area and on the dancefloor. Wrecker was enthusiastically dancing with Omega and Lyana and Phee, Tech and Echo were engaged in a pleasant conversation a few metres away and Hunter was chatting to Shep by the bar.

“So, you’re really sure about him?” Crosshair asked, breaking the silence first.

You frowned in utter confusion as you angled your head to face him. “What kind of a question is that?”

Crosshair shrugged. “Just checking.”

“You’re leaving that a bit late down the road are you not?” You were baffled by his sudden interest in the status of your relationship.

“Well, I haven’t been here for all of it. Trust me, I’m for grateful for that than I’m not. You two can be pretty sickening.” He added cheekily.

You rolled your eyes at his true Crosshair mannerisms. “So, is this your bizarre way of being a protective brother?”

“I’m looking out for both of you. He has some pretty annoying habits you know. I’d hate for you to be stuck with him before you fully knew what you were getting into.”

You snorted. “I’m all good, thanks Crosshair.”

Crosshair waited a beat of silence before his voice turned more serious. “Just don’t hurt him, alright? He’s been hurt enough already, we all have, the cycle has to end at some point.”

Your gaze softened. “I won’t ever hurt him.” You squeezed his left hand in reassurance before the two of you went back to relaxed quiet and you saw Hunter making his way towards you.  

The music turned slow and that caused a brief dispersal of the dance floor, which included Wrecker, Lyana and Omega to depart.  

--

Hunter reached you and held out his hand in invitation. “Come on.”

You looked at his extended hand, then at his face to see that he was totally serious. “Since when can you dance?” You asked, completely taken aback.

Hunter, nodded to Crosshair. “Back when we were first getting success as a squad, we thought it would be a way to impress anyone that came into 79s when we had leave from the war.”

You directed your question to both of them. “Did it work?”

Crosshair smirked as he said, “It worked for one of us.”

You laughed as you glanced to Hunter and said with a teasing lilt to your voice, “If you’re that bad at it, I don’t know if I want to.”

Hunter sighed. “Hey, I wasn’t bad, I had options, I just had a bad habit of failing to follow through.”

Crosshair continued to goad him. “Is that how you’re remembering it?”

Hunter’s voice went more defensive than he would’ve liked as he addressed his brother. “What about that red head who kept coming to our table the night we were celebrating the win at Boz Pity. She kept talking to me, remember that?”

“I remember who she left with.” Crosshair replied smugly.

You, having enjoyed watching their brotherly spat, took Hunter’s hand to stop the dispute going any further. “I will say, dance lessons were not really on the teaching agenda for Jedi, especially during the war, I don’t know-”

Hunter pulled you to your feet. “I promise to not let you trip.”

You reluctantly complied. “And if I stand on your toes?”

Hunter just led you to where the other people were dancing. “I won’t even react. And it’s slow music, I doubt you could inflict much damage.”

“You underestimate me.” You mumbled nervously.

--

“You’re too tense.” Hunter observed as he watched the way your eyes were fixed firmly on the ground.

“This is how your feet will continue to have feeling.” You grunted as you kept an intense focus on your movements. Even though the two of you were mostly slowly moving in beat to the soft music, your grip on his hand was tight and the one on his shoulder was digging into him.

Hunter released a low chuckle. “Here. Try this.” He adjusted the stance, so your arms were around the back of his neck and his coiled around your waist, so the front of your body was close to his. Now, the two of you pretty much stayed put and just enjoying the moment of being in each other’s company.

“I find it hard to believe you never followed through.” You uttered in quiet disbelief. The two of you weren’t moving from your spot all that much but the secure way he held you and the aura of calm confidence he projected was making it hard to think straight.

“It never felt right.”  

You hummed out a pleased sigh as you placed your head in the crook of his neck.

“I guess I was just waiting for you.” Hunter added softly as he rested his head against yours.

You removed your head from the crook of his neck, and you saw the heartfelt meaning behind his eyes. You leaned up to kiss him and for a minute, the entire buzz of the party faded away and it was just you and him sharing in a loving moment together.

As music the music came to a stop, Hunter whispered in your ear, “Want to get outta here?”

You nodded silently and intertwined his hand in yours.

Hunter took a deep breath as he led you away.

Ten minutes left.

--

The rest of them had gathered to watch the two of you leave.

“Let’s go!” Omega gasped eagerly.

“Hold on, kid.” Echo caught her arm as she went to dash after them. “Five-minute head start, remember?”

“Right, right.” Omega agreed as she recalled the particular details of the plan.

“Technically, only Echo should be the one going.” Tech reminded.

“Yeah, Tech, I don’t really think that was ever going to happen.” Echo replied simply.

“Damn right! We’re all getting to see this!” Wrecker argued.

Echo raised his eyebrows in Tech’s direction. “See. And you were never going to stay because you kept talking about recording it anyway.” He pointed out.

“My phrase was merely pointing out that we are all ignoring a part of the plan Hunter quite specifically told the rest of us not to get involved with.” Tech responded.

“We’re not big on following orders.” Omega said with a shrug.

“If you’re all done debating what is a pointless argument because we were all always going to watch, it’s time to go.” Crosshair drawled.

--

“Uh, Hunter, home is that way?” You pointed in the direction he was currently walking in the opposite direction of.

“How about a beach walk first?” Hunter offered.

You gave him a surprised smile but nodded your agreement.

--

It didn’t matter how much reassurance he’d received in the recent weeks that you would say yes. His heart was damn near pounding out his chest the closer the two of you got to the sight and his mind started to spiral. What if you said no? What if you hated the very idea? He should’ve spoken to you about this first but wait, there was something to be said for knowing when it felt right wasn’t there? But maybe he should’ve-

“Your palm is sweaty.” You stopped and got him to face you. “And it’s not just cause of that that I can tell that you’re nervous.”

Great, so much careful planning and keeping you away from people that were far too eager to give you hints and his own usually steady nerves were about to give it all away. He had done everything right so far yet now he was a sweaty mess.

“Hunter, is everything okay?”

“Everything-” Dammit his voice came out all cracked. He cleared his throat and started again. “Everything is fine, I promise.” He started to guide you again. “If you just follow me a little bit further…”

“Follow you to what? Why are you being so…” Your voice trailed off and released an awed gasp as you saw the scene ahead of you. A small section of the beach was set up with a canopy and illuminated in a warm glow by strings of lights and a short carpet led the way inside. “What occasion have I forgotten and how quickly can I make it up to you?” You said as you started to panic.

Hunter was quick to reassure you. “You haven’t forgotten anything, and I think we stopped keeping track of things like that a long time ago.”

“Well, aren’t we the romantic pair.” You said dryly as you looked on in wonder at the fairy lights around you before the two of you came to a stop at the end of the walkway and stood in front of a  

“I think we do alright.” Right on queue, the puck began to play the video Tech had put together, courtesy of Hunter’s guidance.

Your throat clogged with emotion at the display in front of you. The montage was starting right from the moment you had made yourself known to the squad and to when you’d first met Hunter and it was clear something transpired between the two of you. Something that you both would dismiss or shove away for a long time.

Hunter heard the footsteps and there were more than what he had ordered. “I’ll be right back.” He kissed your temple. “Keep watching.” He instructed as he saw you getting ready to question what was going on.

You couldn’t understand why he was leaving but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the images. It seemed it was progressing to show a mix of how your relationship had transpired over the years. From every emotionally charged yet pushed aside moment, to every squabble and every time the rest of the team trapped the two of you somewhere to talk as well as the infuriating times each of them attempted to convince either of you to do something about your feelings. It showed the highs and lows of everything that had happened since Kaller too and it reminded you of just how much you’d all endured and survived.

It was a strange thing to watch, to see how obvious your feelings were yet you knew you’d waited so long before acting on them. It was so evident that the two of you were always drawn together and it would always be that way, the love radiated through, and it was something that had continued to this day.

--

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Hunter hissed as he herded his brothers and Omega behind some rocks. Keeping this secret was hard enough and he was almost there but the appearance of his supportive and rather determined family might be the final thing that gave everything away before he had the chance to even ask you yet.

“But Echo was always allowed to-” Omega started to protest quietly.

“I needed him here.” Hunter couldn’t risk receiving this item until the last minute since he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hide it well enough from you and the last thing he wanted was you to find it accidentally before he had the chance to do things how he wanted.

“Here it is.” Echo handed said item over to him.

“Thank you.” Hunter said appreciatively as he took the small velvet encased box. “But how hard did you try telling this lot not to come down?”

“Eh, not very.” Echo admitted simply. “Come on, Hunter. We all wanted to be here to watch this.”

Hunter did know that, and he wasn’t truly upset, he actually really appreciated everything they’d all helped with. “Alright, alright. Just keep quiet, please?”

Everyone nodded.

Hunter knew they were never going to follow that, but he didn’t have time to push the matter.

“Better get going. By my calculations, the video should be finishing in the next minute.” Tech informed him.

--

The video came to an end, and you couldn’t believe Hunter missed sharing this with you. You sensed him approach but as you turned to question why he’d left, your breath caught in your throat, and you forgot how to form words as you saw him down on one knee and presenting a ring to you.

--

Hunter had rehearsed this so many times, yet his adrenaline was pumping like crazy, but he was determined to see this through to its proper end. He wasn’t about to ruin it because he got jittery. He took a deep, grounding breath before he started to speak. He kept his voice low and though he spoke quietly, he filled each word with intense and sincere meaning.

“I spent so much of the war doing what was asked of me. Winning each battle, completing each mission and that was easy for me, it was comfortable, I knew what I was doing, what my responsibilities were but I was also running on autopilot. I kept moving, doing what needed to be done, it was a routine that I didn’t see myself really breaking f-from. Un-”

He paused to settle his own emotions that rising in his chest and throat. “Until you. You came into my life, and I’d never known I’d been living in a galaxy of grey until I met you and you, with your fire and your strength, brought the colour I’d been missing. You could probably tell from that holo, but everything changed that day and I’ve never been more grateful for it. I knew from the second we met on Devaron that I was hooked. I was yours and I never wanted you to leave. I love you.” He said fiercely. “I love all of you. I love your kindness. I love your mind. I love your courage. I even love your stubbornness, no matter how much stress it causes me. I love how, no matter what, you don’t stop fighting. I love having you by my side, even if you’re arguing with me. I love how you’re always ready to face whatever is sent your way, unless it’s a spider and then you’re more than happy to surrender the room.” He added, the corner of his mouth twitching to hide his teasing grin before he carried on, “I love how you are with Omega. I love how well you fit in with my brothers. I love you in a way I’d never seen myself capable of, yet you make it so easy to do. We’ve been through so much; I’ve nearly lost you more times than I care to count but it also told me something…”

He allowed himself a second to breathe before he went into the final part, “I want it all with you. I know we’ve already got the home, the kid and the dog, and you’ve got the crazy in-laws.” He smiled as you let out a choked but genuine laugh at that. “I want to take the final step with you which is why I’m down on one knee and asking you this question...” He inhaled as he finally asked, “Will you marry me?” He finished and waited anxiously. He really hoped the silent tears running down your face were happy ones.

--

“Wrecker, get in the back, I need to record this, and I cannot see past you.” Tech demanded in a hushed whisper as the four of them watched from behind a cluster of rocks.

“Did she say yes? I can’t hear anything.” Wrecker asked, his voice rising slightly in distress. He didn’t want to miss any of this.

Crosshair spoke up next, “I see tears so it could go either way.”

Omega slapped his arm. “I’m sure they’re happy tears.” 

“Here’s an idea��� why don’t we wait to see it all play out first before we start talking about it?” Echo suggested sensibly.

--

His family were quite possibly the least subtle people on the planet. Hunter still hadn’t heard your answer yet, but he could hear them no problem. He waved a hand behind him to signal at them to shut up.

A happy sob mixed with laughter echoed from your lips as you looked past him saw the group of people further down the beach keenly looking on.

You brought your eyes back to Hunter. You had so many things you wanted to say, so many affirmations you wanted to give yet the first dumb thing that left your mouth was an answer in the form of a question, “Are you sure?”

Hunter chuckled as he placed the ring on your finger, the stones dazzling under the moon and fairy light.  “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

You flexed your hand as you admired the stunning ring. The design of the silver band was simple with a white round cluster diamond in the centre but what really got to you was the two smaller blue diamonds on either side of it. Their shade was exactly like that of your old lightsaber. Your words left you in a frantic state of joy. “It’s beautiful- You got- how- I mean-” You couldn’t find the words. Instead, you just fell to your knees in front of him and kissed him fervently. I love you; I love you; I love you.

Hunter cradled your face in his hands as he pulled away for a short moment to respond, “I love you too.”

Feeling a bit more collected, you pressed your forehead against his. And I meant to say that I am yours too. I may not have realised it then, but I was yours on Devaron. I saw you, spoke to you and I’d never experienced a feeling like that before. I’d spent so much time doubting if I’d made the right choice by leaving the Order, if I was wrong for believing what I did, but then I met this squad. You retreated a couple inches to look Hunter directly in his brown eyes which were filled with emotion, and you added even more devotion to your tone. And I met you and suddenly I finally realised what I’d been missing. So, yes. Yes, I would love to marry you.

Hunter grinned adoringly at you before he kissed you again. Both of you smiling hard as you kissed one another in short, passionate bursts.

A series of whoops and gleeful cries interrupted your moment and the two of you got to your feet just as Wrecker bounded over and picked the two of you up, squeezing tightly.

“Congratulations!!” Wrecker bellowed as he put you down again.

“I’m so happy for you!” Omega cried as she and Batcher went next. She wrapped her arms around both your waists and the dog took turns jumping up on the two of you. “Let me see the ring!” Omega requested enthusiastically as she pulled away from you both. “Ah it’s so pretty!”

“About time.” Echo said kindly with Crosshair nodding in agreement.  

“Indeed.” Tech concurred as he too smiled at you both.

“You all knew?” You asked as you wiped away a few remaining tears with your uncaptured hand.

“You think Hunter could pull this off by himself?” Crosshair said with a mocking scoff in his brother’s direction, but he gave you both a genuine and pleased smile.

“Look, I had the ideas and I just needed help with the logistics of everything.” Hunter still felt the need to clarify.

“So, all of this…” You trailed off and gestured to the stunning set up that had been arranged.

“Yeah, they all helped me out.” Hunter told you. “And it wasn’t like I’d be able to keep it from them anyway.”

“All of you helped?” You repeated again. What had you done to deserve finding such a perfect family?

“I obviously put together the video and I was recording this moment.” Tech stated, adjusting his goggles. “It’s just as well I back everything up or the Marauder getting destroyed would’ve proven to be more problematic than it already was.”

“And Omega and I set this up!” Wrecker boasted proudly.

“And I helped with the ring.” Echo said. “Hunter laid out the design and I knew a guy who knew a guy who owed him a favour.”

“And you?” You asked Crosshair with a smile.

Crosshair feigned an aggrieved sigh.

“You were too late in claiming the set-up job.” Tech recalled. “And Echo and I had very clear responsibilities, you were just too slow.”

“Yes, Crosshair, unfortunately, had the worst job out of all of them.” Hunter revealed.

“Oh?” You regarded Crosshair curiously.

“I had to listen to him panic over and over again about every single detail and doubt in his head over this whole thing. Didn’t matter that we all knew you were going to say yes, he was a nervous wreck. It was up to me to keep him sane.”  Crosshair told you. He truly hadn’t minded, and it had offered more opportunities for him to hone his skills since he was a hand down.

You looked at the man who was usually so put together and who had never let even the most daunting of chaotic war battles phase him. “Seriously?”

Hunter nodded and awkwardly rubbed his hand along the side of his neck. “Yeah, he was the one I needed to knock some sense into me, sometimes literally I might add.” He said with a pointed look in Crosshair’s direction.  

“That way worked the best.” Crosshair said with a nonchalant shrug.

Hunter turned to you again, “And it still wasn’t enough. Believe it or not, I didn’t want to start sweating beforehand.”

You laughed before you addressed all of them. “Thank you. All of you. This was absolutely perfect! I’m so grateful!”

Another group hugged happened before Wrecker and Omega excitedly bounced on soles of their feet.

“Come on, the party’s just getting started!” Wrecker urged.

“Wait, I thought-” You broke off and looked to Hunter.

Hunter gave you a knowing grin. “You didn’t think the people of Pabu were going to let this go uncelebrated, did you?”

You inhaled sharply. “This party…”

“Is also serving as a congratulations on getting engaged.” Tech confirmed as he walked past you. “Hunter and Shep thought the whole thing through.”

“It’s a good thing you said yes or that would’ve been really awkward.” Echo commented with a smile as he too headed back up.

Well, that explained why Hunter was so dismissive of the change in attitudes the two of you had received in recent times as well as his caginess towards certain phrases or questions you asked. And Lyra’s sudden appearance as well as her ‘gifts’ checked out a bit more too. You stared at Hunter, incredibly impressed. “You somehow managed to plan this entire thing and I had no idea?”

Hunter nodded. “A lot of kind people live around us, but the price of their assistance was that they’re terrible at secret keeping and also made my life a living hell.” Hunter kidded before he kissed you once more and led you back the way you came, the delightful cold metal of your ring pressing against his fingers.

--

The walk back up to the colonnade was filled with cheers and celebratory whistles as the two of you reappeared. Much of the party remained the same except now a huge congratulations banner was on display.

Shep came over to you and hugged you. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you, Shep. For all of it. This is amazing!” You returned his warm embrace.

Shep parted and shook Hunter’s hand. “Everything go well?”

“Very. Thank you for all your help. I couldn’t have done it without you.” Hunter said gratefully.

“I’m just glad you finally did it. We were all losing hope that it wasn’t going to happen.”

“They were?” You nudged Hunter’s shoulder playfully.

“After we recovered from Tantiss, I was apparently still moving too slowly.” Hunter said lightly.

“We need not dwell on such things now. Please, enjoy the celebrations!” Shep waved goodbye as he went to make the rounds once more.

“Incoming.” Hunter warned you.

“What-” You were nearly tackled by the woman who had clattered into your side.

“About damn time!”

 “That seems to be the general consensus.” You said as you steadied yourself against Lyra’s eager hug.

“Let me see!” Lyra took your hand and gasped in admiration. “Oh, it’s gorgeous!” She then looked to Hunter. “You did good, well done!” She swivelled her attention back to you. “And you! You are going to get the best wedding dress ever! I have so many designs in mind already!”

“Can’t wait for that.” You said and you meant it but that didn’t stop the wary laugh you emitted either.

“My drink is empty, but we will talk more!” With that, she hurried away.

“I’m never going to be able to keep up with her on anything.” You commented as you watched her go, a soft smile on your face.

“Rather you than me. I’m all set.” Hunter said smugly.

Your response was interrupted by an approaching Rodian.

“Courtesy of Phee.”

You and Hunter took the cocktails from the tray the rather timid new island resident offered and looked into each other’s eyes as you clinked glasses. The two of you too caught up in the bliss of the moment to notice that your cinnamon sugar-rimmed glass had tracings of a white powder mixed in amongst it.

--

The next morning

To say you felt like hell would be an understatement. You awakened with a deep groan and rolled over onto your front.

Hunter woke up to the sound and saw that you were awake, but you were face down in your pillow. “And how are you feeling this morning?” He quipped.

You groaned again. “I am going to say this with all the love I can possibly muster… fuck off.” The threat lost some weight since your voice was muffled by the presence of the pillow.

“I didn’t think Jedi could get hungover.” Hunter said, a teasing lilt to his voice.

“Yes well, I was always making waves one way or another and here is another prime example of that. How many of those damn Phee cocktails did I drink?”

“I only saw you drink one, but the party ran late, and we weren’t together the entire time, but you were with Lyra a bunch, so I figured you were going her pace. You were pretty out of it when we were heading home, you fell asleep instantly.”

The entire evening post that one cocktail was a total blur, so you just had to accept that. The deep pain and nausea you were experiencing just had to be the effects of a first and truly awful hangover. “I’m so sorry. I really didn’t plan on that at all.”

Hunter shushed your unnecessarily apology and placed light kisses along your shoulders and down your spine. “What do you need?”

“A lobotomy and a new stomach.” You grunted.

“Naturally… and if I can’t get that arranged?”

You angled your head to face him and rubbed your thumb along his cheek affectionately. “I just need a few hours alone to sleep it off, I’ll be okay.”

Hunter got out of bed and quietly got dressed. “I’ll see what I can find to help. I’ll be back in an hour.” He lightly squeezed your shoulder

You watched him leave and let that concern you’d been feeling take hold. You felt absolutely exhausted and though you’d never been hungover before, something about this felt different but you couldn’t think of what or why that would be.

You pushed it to the back of your mind for now and focused on sleeping and feeling better. You had a future to plan, you weren’t about to let this throw a wrench in things.

--

Hunter had been waylaid by more people who he didn’t have the time to both thank and accept their congratulations from so he was later than he’d told you but the minute he entered the house, he knew something was wrong and it wasn’t because he was late.

That was when he heard the sounds of someone- well it would only be you- graphically vomiting. He dumped the supplies he’d gathered and hustled to the open refresher door where you were hunched over the toilet.

“Sweetheart, how long have you been like this?” Hunter asked, his concern evident as he rushed in and took over holding your hair just as you finished throwing up.

“Uh, when did you leave?” You rasped through sore, heavy breaths as you righted yourself but still remained slouched against small gap between the toilet and the shower.

“An hour and a half ago.” Hunter said quietly as he sat down next to you and stroked your knee in a soft, consoling gesture.

“Oh good, I got to sleep for thirty minutes.” You said wryly through gritted teeth. “Then I guess it’s been pretty much every ten minutes.”

Hunter got to his feet and ran a washcloth under some cold water for you before he dabbed it against your clammy forehead and the back of your neck. “You should get back to bed.” He said tenderly.

“I tried earlier but leaving the bathroom floor isn’t an opti-” You stopped short before you held your head over the toilet bowl and the whole process began again. “Any time you want to take this off, say the word.” You mumbled as you pitifully waved your left hand in Hunter’s direction before another ugly wretch sounded from you and your body heaved as somehow more vomit left your system.

“Enough of that.” Hunter soothed as he gathered your hair again. “I think we need to go see Dalia.”

You managed to shake your head just as the last of your stomach contents dispensed from your system. She was someone people go to with an actual injury or medical problem and this was certainly not that. This was just you not being able to handle your alcohol... it had to be.   

“Then how about Tech?” Hunter compromised quietly as he rubbed delicate circles on your back.

You resisted the urge to wince at the action that usual would bring you comfort but instead was only sharpening the thankfully now dulling ache in your limbs. “No, no. I’m-” You sat back once more and shakily got to your feet. “I think I just hurled my entire insides out which seems to have helped.” You accepted the water from him, and you had to make a conscious effort to drink slowly since your parched and sore throat welcomed the cool liquid. The nausea and general bodily pain were less, and you didn’t want to make a fuss, especially after all that had been done for you the night before. “I’m feeling better.” You said but as you went to step out the refresher, you immediately became lightheaded and swayed violently on your feet.

“Sweetheart, please.” Hunter implored as he caught your shoulders. He’d seen hangovers but this seemed more serious than your typical post drinking consequences and it was worrying him.

“Okay, we can start with Tech.” You conceded as the room finally came back into focus.

“I’ll comm him.”

“No, I want to walk. I don’t think being cooped up is doing me any favours.” You said as firmly as you could convey.

Even in your weakened state, Hunter could tell that was a point he wasn’t going to win an argument on. He gently placed his arm around you as you gingerly made your way to the door.

--

From afar, the Rodian and Twilek watched through macrobinoculars as their target left her home with her joined up with the rest of the clones.

“How is she out and about?” The rodian remarked in astonishment.

The twilek sighed in aggravation. “Remember what the boss said, she’s a fighter and she’s strong. You clearly got the dose wrong. She’s able to be out here cause she had to have thrown it all up.”

“But the boss also wants her alive, I gave the amount I was sure would leave her vulnerable but wouldn’t kill her.”

“Well, we can’t take her whilst she’s surrounded by that group anyway, and even if we get her alone, she needs to be fully incapacitated for us to even have a shot...”

“What are you saying?” The rodian asked nervously. He’d never been as sure or as excited about this job as his twilek partner was, but the money was too good to pass up. But there was a new kind of sociopathic gleam in the twilek’s eyes that unnerved him.

“I’m saying we up the dose until her body can’t fight it.” Life here was slow and the satisfaction he’d glean from watching you and the people around you hopelessly attempt to figure out and fight what was wrong with you was an opportunity too tempting to ignore.

To the rodian, that sounded awfully risky. Both for them and their target. This stuff was extremely lethal even in a small amount. Plus, the longer they lingered, the higher the chance that they’d be discovered. And he knew his poisons- this one was one of his own inventions too- which was how he also knew it was particularly volatile when given in large quantities. The build-up of symptoms was designed to make the recipient so agonised and weakened that they’d wish for a death that would never arrive but that was when administered at regular intervals of the same low quantity– death didn’t have to be the end result, the torture was what one would buy this poison for. But, if they went with this strategy, every deadly symptom would hit you all at once and he knew you’d never survive that which wasn’t useful to their specific remit. However, the twilek had been put in charge and he wasn’t someone he wanted to be on the bad side of. “The boss won’t be happy…”

The twilek dismissed that without skipping a beat, “So, we won’t tell her yet. We just need to get the Jedi to the boss alive for the premium cut of the deal. After that, who the hell cares how she ends up.”  His voice wavered in an attempt to stay level-headed with the rodian. This whole poisoning method was so tiresome- he much preferred a straight fight- but they’d been warned off that with this whole squad. Hence why he was stuck with this jittery rodian who had gotten into this line of work through offering his services and using his skills as an apothecary for what sensitive people would deem immoral uses and gains. But even he had to admit, a Jedi was easier to apprehend if they couldn’t fight back and everyone here was so stupidly trusting, it made getting access to you almost too easy. The trickiest and most time-consuming part would be getting you alone but from their brief, he knew that time would arrive sooner or later, he just needed to be patient.

--

3 weeks later

You finished dry-heaving and risked a glance in the mirror above the sink as you slowly went upright as it became clear nothing was coming up. You regretted that decision immediately.

You barely recognised the person staring back at you.

Your clothes stuck to you uncomfortably. The fever was a new addition as of last week and your hair was slick with sweat, and you wiped away the drops slowly sliding down your temples.

Your face was sunken and devoid of all life.

Dark circles were under your eyes, so dark that they could’ve been mistaken for bruises. There was no light behind them at all, no sign of that lively spark that had once been a constant part of you.

It was as if all your fire and vibrancy had evaporated.

You looked like a shell of a human being.

To top it all off, you noticed spots of blood at the corners of your mouth and in the saliva that you’d hacked up, but you put that down to the strain your throat had been put through. Cleaning up, you took one last strengthening breath but even that was proving to be more effort than you’d expected. You then heard a quiet knock on the other side of the door

You opened the refresher door to see Hunter standing waiting with his now standard worried expression on his face and your flask of water. He’d stopped offering you food in the early stages when it became clear you couldn’t hold it down and even water appeared to be a struggle.

You rejoined the group of people in the living room who were all here to supposedly help you plan the ceremony but all you got was the sea of nervous and concerned expressions from your squad- and that included Echo who had planned to leave once you were feeling better, but that day was yet to arrive- and Dalia. “I’m fine.” You exhaled wearily as you sat down. You thought just flinging yourself into what should’ve been a good distraction would aid in your recovery but, aside from the reduction in vomiting, things weren’t looking that much improved. In fact, you’d probably admit they’d gotten worse. You realised there were two faces missing. “Where are Shep and Lyra?” You asked, your voice strained and hoarse. You rubbed your arms because, despite the humid day, you felt goosebumps rise on your skin.

Wrecker placed a blanket around your shoulders.

“They didn’t think discussing flower arrangements was a smart use of your energy.” Crosshair remarked in a clipped tone, but it came from a place of care. He, like the rest of them, was growing more and more disturbed as your condition continued to deplete.

You lacked the gumption to argue with him so instead you just nodded in acknowledgement that you’d heard him.

Hunter noted you still hadn’t drunk from the water he’d handed you. He tapped the cup to prompt you to do so. “If you would just lie down...”

You did it for him but even water tasted wrong as it went down your throat and it really didn’t sit well. “Remember that stubbornness you love?” You said through a grimace. Plus, sleep pretty much eluded you these days.

“This is one of those times where it drives me crazy.” Hunter muttered fretfully.

“If I just sit around, I’ll go insane. I-” You lost energy halfway through your attempted to explain your reasoning. Instead, you readied yourself for the medical questions from Tech and Dalia- the town healer- that were sure to come your way now.

“Your fever is getting worse.” Tech observed as he took your vitals.

“Bacta won’t do you any good anymore. You’re just burning it off.” Dalia said as she confirmed Tech’s words.

“And I checked with AZ, his recent round of tests came up with nothing.” Omega said defeatedly, patting Batcher in an attempt to quell her worries.

“So, what else can you do?” Hunter asked Dalia and Tech anxiously. It really felt like they were running out of options. He saw you hunch over in pain, and he didn’t need to touch you to feel the heat radiating off you. He instinctively reached out to offer you some semblance of physical comfort, but he knew that hurt you now, so he stopped himself.

Tech started first, “We can test for-”

You straightened up and once the room stopped spinning, put on a brave face. “Look, we ruled everything out. It’s just stress, Tech. Besides, I’m not even throwing up anymore, it’s just dry heaving so that’s progress.” You said, attempting for levity but you were too exhausted to convey it.

“I’ve seen you stressed; your symptoms were not of this format nor this severe.”

“So, it’s a different type of stress.” You said tiredly as you forced yourself to stay upright.

“And your pain?” Dalia asked as she took examined you as best she could in this particular circumstance. Your medical case was infuriating, one because she liked you and hated seeing you in this state, and two, because she hated not knowing how to help you. Everything she had attempted had proven useless. She knew your ailments but had no idea what was causing them. Your pain wasn’t localised, and no pain killers were working. All she knew for sure was that you were incredibly dehydrated and sleep-deprived, your entire body ached, you couldn’t stomach anything, and you had a fever that was reaching near dangerous levels. How you still functioning had to be due to your special abilities, but it was also a testament to your sheer strength and force of will.

The pain was getting harder and harder to ignore. “Well…” You nervously fidgeted with your ring.

“It’s worse?” Dalia and Hunter said together in the same troubled tone.

“Let’s just say the sedatives you’ve given me to sleep are losing their effectiveness.” You mumbled.

“I can give you a stronger dose.” Dalia offered. It wasn’t a suggestion she liked giving but she was running out of ideas.

“I’m not spending my time half awake and barely alive.” The irony of the comment given your present condition was not lost on you though. “I still get a few hours with what you’ve already provided. It’ll do.” Although, saying you got even a few hours was also a generous statement.  

“You can’t be serious.” Echo couldn’t help but protest, voice rising in concern. “A few hours aren’t enough to-”

“Echo…” Hunter warned. He’d already gone down this path with you and it was something you’d never budge on.

Dalia heaved a sigh as she finished up and took a fresh blood sample for comparison to previous ones. She readied to leave. “Look, me being here throwing useless suggestions your way isn’t helping either. Best I can advise is slow down. I’m going to run through your labs again.” With that, Dalia got to her feet and headed for the door.

“Thanks for coming by.” You said to her, your voice heavy with effort it took to sound somewhat normal.

“For the record, that was not convincing.” Crosshair told you as he took your water canteen to refill it since Hunter was seeing Dalia out. “Why didn’t you take the damn sedatives?”

“If Hunter can’t even get me to do that, what makes you think you can?” You pointed out as you curled in on yourself. You also knew they truly wouldn’t make a difference.

You were growing more and more aware of the reality of your situation, and it wasn’t anything that could be prevented.

--

Hunter caught Dalia’s arm just before she exited. “Dalia, she physically can’t go on like this for much longer. And it’s not just because she’s refusing to ease up. There are days where I can convince her to just stay in bed, but it’s not helping.” He whispered, doing his best to keep his voice level as his worries threatened to overcome him.

“Hunter, I’m sorry. I’m looking into everything, I promise.” Dalia said in a quiet voice. “Tech and I even checked for poisons, but nothing came up. But I’m not going to stop, I swear it.”

Hunter sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know, Dalia. Thank you.” Hunter said sincerely before he shut the door and took a calming breath as he turned around and filled him with both sadness but gratitude. All of them were doing what they could do support you.

He watched as Wrecker and Omega delicately fussed with your blanket, Tech continued to study furiously on his datapad for anything that might correlate to what was causing your illness, and even Crosshair was making sure you were drinking water regularly. But then, he saw that recognisable look in your eyes, and he saw Echo help you to your feet before you staggered to the refresher, and he exhaled shakily as he got control over his own deep anxieties over your condition.

He followed you to the refresher again, ignoring the fretful looks his family were sending both his and each other’s way.

--

You hadn’t managed to lock him out this time, so he was able to enter, shut the door and collect the hair falling forward around your face. Every miserable effort your body put you through in an attempt to rid you of whatever it was that was causing this sickness only exacerbated the strain on your worn out and frail form. He kept trying to not fixate on it because they were all working on figuring this out and he had to believe that someone would find something… because he knew you were running out of time.

You finished up and exhaled a shuddering breath, “It hurts, Hunter. Everything just hurts.” You admitted, your voice racked with agony. You only wanted it to stop. You needed it to stop.

Hunter’s chest tightened. “We’re going to find out what this is.” He promised. He reached for you but hesitated.

The need to be held by him overpowered the subsequent discomfort and you folded into his embrace and let the silent defeated tears finally fall.

--

“I really hate this, you know.” Hunter griped worriedly as he got ready to leave you at the door and spend the night with his brother’s and Omega. Somehow him saying you needed to get to sleep had turned into you sleeping here by yourself. Despite the fact that they’d all wanted to spend the night here; you’d gotten them to agree to leave you alone. How you’d managed to do that, he had absolutely no idea.

You knew he did but with all your tossing and turning in your feverish delirium, he wasn’t getting much rest either and you hated that more than you hated your own sickness. You raised your hand, your arm feeling unnaturally heavy, and placed it on his chest to quell his fears but even that simple action sent a sharp pain through your limbs.

Hunter noticed your efforts to conceal your discomfort and what you’d said in the refresher was still plaguing his head. How could you expect him to leave you like this. “Please let me stay, I really don’t mind-”

“Hunter, you haven’t had a solid night’s sleep since the night of the party. There’s no sense in us both suffering here.” You just about managed to give him a smile of reassurance. “It’s just one night and you’re only a few houses down. If I need anything, I’ll get you on the comm, I promise.”

“I won’t sleep any better away from you. I-”

“But here you have no choice. I need to know you at least had the option.” You insisted as you fought against the urge to slump into his arms. Your entire body felt like lead.

“But-”

“I’ll see you in the morning.” You said with finality before your voice softened. “I’m only asking you do this for one night. Just one night where I don’t have to worry about you.”

“Worry about me?” Hunter repeated with combined fondness and exasperation. At least that sounded more like you. “Sweetheart, the only person that anyone needs to worry about is you and that should include you.”

“What if I promise to spend all my time tonight worrying only about myself?” You offered, a hint of your old spark coming through before it was squashed by another bout of pain settling in your muscles. Your jaw clenched in an attempt to keep your groan contained. You thumb fiddled with your ring in an attempt to distract yourself.

Hunter picked up on that too but not wanting to put you under the strain of further deliberation, released a long, drawn-out breath and managed a stiff and reluctant nod of consent to this idea.

“Thank you.” You whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Hunter replied as he caressed your fingertips with his own. It was the closest to an affection gesture that he could offer you now.

“Batcher is going to stay with you.” Omega said with a slightly nervous smile as she patted the hound farewell. “Just in case.” She knelt down in front of the dog and stroked the underside of her chin. “Look after her, Batcher.”

Batcher gave her an affirmative bark in reply before she came and sat by your side.

“Thanks kid.” You waved as she and the others departed but Hunter still lingered. “Go.” You ordered with a half-smile.

With one final look in your direction, Hunter finally forced himself to leave.

You shut the door and braced your forehead against it as a fresh wave of dizziness and pain coursed through your body. You felt a wet nose nuzzle against your hand with a quiet whine. You opened your eyes to see Batcher looking up at you with an intense, concerned stare. “I’m alright, girl.” You winced as you pushed yourself away. You were employing the strategy that if you told yourself that enough times, maybe one day it would prove to be true.

You debated the effort of going all the way to your bed, but your body gave up halfway there, so you decided on the convenience of the couch, Batcher curled up on the floor beside you.

--

Hours had passed. You weren’t sleeping but you were working on attempting to trick your body into thinking it could by keeping your eyes shut.

The sound of barking caused you to finally give up and open them which you did, and you were greeted by the sight of Batcher snarling at the dark shape looming over you and watched as it reacted quickly to the attacking hound and the stun blast took Batcher out before she had the chance to inflict any damage.

To say you reacted sluggishly would be an understatement. You could barely will your body to move out of the way of the threat. Your eyes finally quickly adjusted, you realised it was a male twilek and he was currently sticking a need filled with a clear liquid into your thigh.

You finally slapped his hand away but not before the needle pierced your skin.

You shot to your feet, stumbling slightly as you recovered from the head rush that hit you as a result.

You immediately felt faint.

A fresh wave of intense pain tore its way through your body and the nausea and overall weakness that overwhelmed you was scarily familiar.

It was then you realised what he’d just infected you with was in fact the source your sickness. But what you couldn’t understand was how it didn’t show up on any of the scans and tests you’d undertaken. Even though at the time you’d thought it rather unnecessary, you had been checked multiple times for poisons in your blood, yet this got missed and that was deeply concerning in its own right.

The other concern was, judging by how feeble and breathless you became, this was finally the one that your body couldn’t fight against, and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold out. If you could just get to your comm…

“You’ve got a very protective group. I thought they’d never leave. Thank you for finally sending them away.” The twilek said, utterly unphased by being discovered. He stalked around the couch and placed himself between you and the front door.  

“How did you get-” You then remembered the open window in your bedroom.

“It’s funny how little people care about the security of their homes and personal effects here. You were basically inviting all of this.” He twirled his blaster with arrogant nonchalance. He saw the way you were clutching your side like you could brace yourself against the pain coursing through your veins and your knees buckled but you caught yourself against the coffee table the move seeing the cup of water fall to the ground, cracking with the impact. “Now, let me see, I’ve been hearing enough about how this poison works to remember some of the effects. Let me guess…” He tapped the tip of his blaster against his chin as he listed them off as you pitifully worked on getting to your feet, “Constant nausea, insomnia, fever, dizzy spells and extreme bodily pain. None of which standard medical can defeat. I’m sure I missed some but those are definitely the highlights. Does that sound about right?”  He taunted.

You forced yourself to stand tall. Your eyes darted to your comm link on the kitchen counter.

“I wouldn’t…” The twilek warned in irritation as he stalked towards you.

You didn’t listen. You channelled whatever energy you had left and landed kick to his stomach- the action causing you more pain than it did him- and made a dash towards it.

Just as you grabbed it, you felt a brutally take hold of the back of your neck and smack your head against the edge of the counter. Blood poured from the fresh cut on your forehead, and you collapsed to the floor with a pained cry and cups and plates came smashing to the ground around you.

You shook away the black spots encroaching on your vision and attempted to crawl along the floor to your discarded comm device, sharp pieces of debris cutting into your palms, your body screaming in agony with the effort.

“I gotta give you credit.” He picked at his cuticles. “You lasted longer than I thought you would but I’m sick of this place so if you don’t mind, I’m going to speed this along.”

You felt a knee on your back and the butt of a blaster smack against your temple, turning your world black.

--

“Did you have to beat her like that? The poison has clearly been working. One stun blast and she’d be done.” The rodian chastised as he saw the twilek unceremoniously dump your freshly bruised body on the floor of the ship. He swivelled in the pilot’s chair and turned the ship on.

“The bitch still put up a fight. Besides, you had your fun with your little concoction. I needed mine. Now, hold on, we’re not leaving just yet.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Give me two minutes.” With that, the twilek took off the engagement ring and departed the ship.

“You didn’t use that final vial, did you?” The rodian called after him but he got no answer.

--

The following morning

Hunter roused from his restless slumber. It had been a mildly better night but not one he’d be looking to repeat.

He tidied his section of the floor he’d been given- it was a tight squeeze with all six of them here- and put away his sleep mat and spoke to his family who were all gathered in the kitchen, nursing cups of caf. “I’m heading back to check on her.”

“We’ll join you momentarily.” Tech said, his sights fixed firmly on his datapad.

Hunter nodded but as he opened the door, his blood ran cold as he saw what was on the doorstep. He kneeled down to pick it up and a new type of panic sat heavy in his chest.

“Hunter?” Echo had been the one to call over, but they’d all noticed the change in his posture.

Hunter’s head snapped in the direction of the sound of frantic, worried barks and he saw Batcher come sprinting around the corner. He started running, the rest of his squad following close behind.

--

The front room set the scene for Hunter in brief yet terrifying detail.

The floor was a mess of broken glass and smears of blood.

Your comm lay abandoned on the ground.

And you were nowhere to be found.

Hunter couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t best the tightening in his chest and the fear taking root in his heart. All he could hear was a high-pitched droning in his ears and it took everything in him not to succumb to the terror he was experiencing as he realised you had been taken from him. Again.  

Around him, his brothers already started analysing the scene.

“The Empire-” Wrecker began to ask.

“Rex and I have been monitoring them and they have no idea where any of you are. This isn’t them.” Echo disagreed.

“It’s not their style either.” Crosshair stated.

“It is highly possible that a bounty hunter infiltrated this place in. Technically, I believe the price on her head would still stand.” Tech theorised.

“But who would know where we are?” Omega asked him.

“It would be best to consider past interactions and any new people you came across post Eriadu as well as those we already know who can tie us here. Now, naturally that should include Phee and Lyra. They may have accidentally-”

“Tech, no one on this island would ever give her or any of you up.” Echo argued.

Frustrations between all of them started to rise. They were going in circles and they knew your condition only made things that much more urgent.

“I’m very well aware of that fact but the truth is we need to think practically here. Someone knows where we are, and that knowledge has been used against us. Someone with enough skills to what I assume is poison her enough to take her out, and to elude all of us and take advantage of the very foundations of this place. Surely, there is someone that fits that profile.”

“There are too many.” Crosshair countered.

“There’s not way of knowing for sure.” Wrecker agreed with Crosshair. “And she needs us now.”

“Well, we need to start somewhere.” Tech said logically though he had to make an active effort to keep his own anxieties in check.

Meanwhile, Hunter carefully held your engagement ring and remembered the happiness and hope it was supposed to represent. How was that a little over a month ago, there had been so much excitement and joy in his life, and it had been so quickly overturned by pain and suffering. This was supposed to be a new life, a new beginning. You were supposed to be safe here, the threat of Hemlock and the Empire was over. Yet somehow, the past had come back to inflict more damage. Who could possibly have anything to gain from claiming that bounty? Who did they know that was that heartless, that calculated but would use a method so cowardly. And most importantly, knew they were here. Who could’ve- Hunter snapped out of it and pocketed your ring. He interrupted the steady stream of voices, “It’s Cid.”

All of them looked at him in bewilderment as he said that name.

“The Trandoshan from Ord Mantell?” Crosshair double checked since he’d never actually met her, he only knew the name through stories, but he knew that her name had nothing positive to go with it.

Hunter nodded.

“How do you know?” Wrecker asked.

“Because everyone else wouldn’t do this.”

“But wouldn’t we be aware of her presence here?” Tech pointed out.

“Lyra wouldn’t sell us out and neither would Phee. But there’s another link between us and Phee, and that’s Cid. You’re talking about bounty hunters, and we know she doesn’t do her own dirty work. It was her who told, same way she was the one that told the Empire we were here, and now she’s doing it again.” Hunter said, his voice eerily calm. “Tech, how much of the party did you record?”

“All of it.” Tech responded and, already anticipating Hunter’s next question, he pulled up the footage.

All of the gathered round as Tech brought up the recording of the party, increasing the playback speed as the evening unfolded.

Hunter, swallowing harshly as he made himself ignore all the tender moments with you that made that evening feel so perfect, anxiously scanned the flashing scenes in front of his eyes, looking for that first instance where you got infected and where this plan all started. “There!”

Tech paused the video feed.

“Dammit.” Hunter clenched his hands into fists. How had he missed that? How had he let you down that badly? “Dammit.” He hissed again under his breath before he departed and made for Shep’s.

“What did we miss?” Echo asked as the rest of them as they all stared at the frozen image of the rodian with the drink.

There was silence for a few minutes as they all peered at the screen.

Tech inhaled sharply as he next spotted the subtle difference. “The white powder…”

They all ran after their brother.

--

Shep heard an insistent pounding on his door and opened it to see Hunter standing there, breathing hard and there was a panic behind his eyes that he couldn’t hide and to Shep, that only meant one thing. “Is she-”

Hunter wasn’t even going to let him finish that thought. “The rodian from the engagement party. Who is he?” He questioned sharply.

“The rodian?” Shep repeated in confusion. This was the last thing he expected to hear.

“The rodian at the party.” Hunter repeated hurriedly. “He gave us our drink once we got back from the beach. He had yellow skin, quiet demeanour. He was new to the island; I didn’t recognise him.”

Shep recovered quickly. “Yes, yes.” He recalled the one Hunter was referring to. “He arrived with a twilek. They were quiet, mostly kept to themselves.”

“Were?” Hunter repeated and he felt his squad approach from behind.

Shep pointed down the road, “I checked on the temporary housing we provided them to see how they were feeling about the move, but they are no longer there. What does this-” Shep was only met with the sights on all of them racing for that house.

--

Hunter took in the front room. From the clothes left behind and the general disarray in the living space, it was obvious that they’d left in a hurry. He then noticed a puck for long range communications had also been forgotten about and that was the first time he felt a flicker of hope. “Tech.”

“I’m on it.” Tech confirmed as he began working on hacking into the system to trace where the communications went.

Hunter and the others continued to search the house and that was when Hunter spotted an old wanted poster of you nailed to the wall with a knife through your face. Hunter tore it down and curled one into a tight ball in a flash of rage before he composed himself continued searching the area for any sign of where they’d gone.

“Hunter.” Omega called over as she opened a cabinet just above the sink.

Hunter walked over to where the young girl was and took in what she had found.

There was a vast array of discarded and empty vials inside the cupboard which were accompanied by a series of instructions for powder ingestion or liquid injection. Underneath the untidy scrawl, was also a list of symptoms that would accompany each dosage but what caused the fear he was working on supressing to spike was that it seemed to be that their plan had consisted of giving you the second-most lethal one.

But there was no name of the mixture, no list of ingredients to go off of or any signs of a cure. It only served to confirm that what you had been experiencing was a cruel, carefully maintained poisoning.

“I’ve got the location.” Tech announced as he brought up the coordinates to Asusto.

Hunter memorised the number and he knew he’d be able to track you once he landed. Next, he barked out orders like he’d done for most of his life. “Tech, you start getting what you can from these instructions. You thought it was a poison before, do what you can to narrow the list down. Omega, you help him. I’ll confirm what they did once I find them and get the antidote. The rest of you, help Dalia get ready for our return.” With that order, he turned on his heels and ran for home.

--

He entered the bedroom and started preparations to leave all the while doing his best to not let each reminder of you in here to distract him. You needed him focused, not frantic with worry. He reached under the bed and pulled out the case of depleted armour that he’d never thought he’d have to put on again. It wasn’t even a complete set anymore, and it was still scratched and worn down, but it had to do. He grabbed his blaster and vibroblade and got ready to leave.

As he left, he saw that Wrecker, Echo and Crosshair had returned and were all stood there, blasters in hand and in whatever armour they’d had post Tantiss. “No.” He said immediately.

“Dalia can handle setting up herself. You’re not doing this alone. You need us as backup.” Echo reasoned.

“I can’t ask that of you.” Hunter said with a firm shake of his head. This was supposed to be behind them, he wouldn’t inflict this another fight on them.

“You’re not asking, and neither are we. We’re going with you.” Crosshair said definitively.

“Yeah, you mess with one of us, you get all of us!” Wrecker said in agreement.

“I already told Rex and he ordered me to stay here. You’re not doing this alone.” Echo added. “My ship is ready whenever you are.”

Hunter dipped his head in thanks before he led the way out.

--

Your head was pounding.

The cuts on your palms stung.

Everything around you sounded fuzzy- it almost sounded like you were underwater- and from what your semi-conscious self could tell, you appeared to be in some sort of basement. You weren’t cuffed or chained but that was probably because your captors realised you were hardly able to keep your eyes open, let alone plan an attack to get out of here. You could make out their blurry shapes just ahead of you, and you strained to hear why the rodian was in such a state. As you did so, you felt something wet dripping down your face, and you guess the damp basement had a leak somewhere.

“Shitshitshit, this is why I told you not to give her that last dosage!” The rodian cried in a frantic panic.

You felt a coarse fabric scrape under your nose, and you saw the crimson stain of blood as it was pulled away… so, clearly, it wasn’t a leaky roof. You had no doubt that signified the end for you- it was now only a matter of when- but your current disjointed thought process had you worrying more about the fact that the comforting presence of the ring on your left hand was no longer there.

“You wanted her to be an easy grab, I made sure of it.”

“I don’t have an antidote prepared!

“So, make one.” The twilek said with no concern whatsoever.

“With what ingredients? This was never the plan!”

“She’ll be dead before we even leave this room and if the boss doesn’t kill us, the client sure as fuck will!”

“She was as good as dead anyway; I only sped it along.”

“You-”

“How long?” You croaked, interrupting their argument.

The twilek ignored you but the rodian, wringing his hands anxiously, said, “About two hours.”

“Ah.” You said plainly. “Guess you mistimed that one huh?” You winced as you curled into the fetal position as if it could ease the agony coursing through every fibre in your body.

“Just keep your mouth shut.” The twilek ordered as the both of you as they waited for their boss to show up.

--

You had been in and out of consciousness but came around to the sound of the rodian babbling to himself about how everything had gone to shit, and they were seconds away from getting killed. You clued in to the sounds of a door opening and footsteps descending to the basement.

You feebly raised your head and you saw the face you wished you’d never see again. “You bitch. You fucking bitch.” You seethed weakly. The last bouts of your cognitive abilities put it together: Ord Mantell, the Empire on Pabu and now these bounty hunters being able to find you… it all fell into place. “Betraying us twice wasn’t enough for you?”

Cid didn’t let your words bother her. “Money is money and you’re worth a lot of money.”

You attempted to sit up but the best you could manage was propping yourself up on your forearms. “I hate to break it to you, but the person in the Empire who wanted me is very much dead.”

“Who said it was the Empire?” Cid said coolly.

A new type of panic set in but you were distracted by the warm, wet liquid sliding down your face and on to your lips, the iron tang of it burning your tongue.

Cid then noticed the blood steadily dripping from your nostrils. She whirled on the two goons she’d hired. “That’s not supposed to appear until the last stage, how much did you give her?!”

The rodian just glanced to the twilek.

The twilek shrugged. “Look, boss, you told us to use the poison however we saw fit. She needed a hell of a lot more of it in her system, why do you think we took so long?”

“She’s no good to me or the client if she’s dead!” Cid said angrily. “How long has she got?”

A beat of silence.

“About an hour.” The rodian informed her nervously.

Cid cursed under her breath. “We don’t meet the client until midnight!”

“Just push the meeting to now. Get her to the client alive and take the cash and get outta there.” The twilek suggested calmly.

“They’d know something was up. And we’d never get away with it with how she looks like now!”

“You try what they gave me and see how good you look at the end of it.” You muttered in offence, a new type of delirium taking hold of you.

Cid paid you no attention. “What about the antidote?” She asked the rodian sharply. “This is your poison; you must know how to counter it?”

“Aw Cid, I knew you still cared.” You said hoarsely, and everything around you started to move in and out of focus, each haggard breath leaving you acted like a sick form of countdown.

“The ingredients don’t exist here, and I never brought them. It wasn’t supposed to get to this point.” The rodian admitted.

Cid tossed her hands in the air, her own nerves steadily rising. “You idiots! This deal was for a fit Jedi slave, and you’ve given me someone that isn’t going to last the next hour! How-” Her tirade was cut short by the sound of an explosion above them, dust descending from the ceiling with the impact.

“Do you know the great thing about having a family?” You said with a cold laugh. You forced yourself to sit up. You may be fighting a losing battle but one thing you still knew was who the cause of that explosion. You’d sense them anywhere. “We look out for one another.” You glowered at the twilek, “That ‘protective bunch’ are about to become your living hell.”

The twilek only glared at you.

“If they’ve found us, it’s because you left a way for them to track our communications!” Cid said angrily.

“Don’t look at me, he’s the one who was responsible for packing up.” The twilek said dismissively, readying his blaster for the fight he’d finally been waiting for.

“Well, he was the one that taunted them with the ring!” The rodian said in a panic as the thudding of footsteps drew closer.

“Ring?” Cid repeated, her stomach dropping to her feet in fear. She glanced to your depleted form, and the realisation of just what precisely had developed between you and dark and broody since Ord Mantell cemented her fate. She’d royally messed this up.

“You guys are fucked.” You said dazedly as you slouched against the wall and more blood spilled from your nostrils, staining your hands and the ground below.

The door at the top of the basement stairs crashed open and smoke engulfed the room.

--

Three precise shots fired through the smoke.

Cid raised her arms in instant surrender as the smoke dissipated and she saw the state of her hired bounty hunters. The twilek’s blaster had been shot out his hands and he was bleeding from a shot to just below the abdomen whilst the rodian took a hit to his shoulder. Both of them were now sprawled on the floor. She muttered an uneasy curse as she realised what was in store for her.

The effort of breathing and opening your eyes after each blink got tougher to maintain but you recognised the familiar tender touch under your chin from the man in kneeling in front of you. “Hunter.” You said, your voice barely sounding above a whisper. Your eyes flickered open as you took him in.

Hunter wiped away the blood from your face, but it just kept coming, the sight of it heightening his persistent rising panic but he pushed it away. It wouldn’t help you if he let you see how ruined with worry, he was. “We’re getting you out of here, I promise.” He started to lift you to your feet, uttering soft words of comfort and reassurance as you went with him but each rasp and pained whimper from you only fuelled his anger further. “Hold on. Just hold on.” He begged you quietly.

“I’ve got her, Hunter.” Wrecker offered softly as he came to your side and took over. “Hang in there.” He said to you, his gruff voice choking up with emotion as he took your weight and saw the way your face was drained of all life, the blood standing out too brightly against your skin.

Hunter waited until Wrecker was properly supporting you before he turned on the three adversaries. He ignored Cid for the moment, he’d deal with her last. Right now, his priority was getting your cure and for that, he needed the two hunters.

He did a quick scan of the two males, the twilek was gritting his teeth against the pain and his face was a cruel mask of indifference but the rodian was a mewling mess and his heart was pounding so loudly, Hunter had heard it from upstairs which meant that the rodian was his way in.

“Tell me what you did to her.” His voice quiet with lethal softness as he stalked towards him.  

But the rodian said nothing.  

“Fine.” With that, he stabbed the rodian just above the knee and angled to tip of the blade towards his kneecap and pushed. He also clamped his other hand down on the open shoulder wound and paid no attention to the miserable screams that emitted from the rodian.

Crosshair and Wrecker made no move to stop it either. Wrecker kept you propped up while Crosshair kept his rifle trained on the twilek and Echo guarded Cid.

“Fuck! Oh fuck, no!” The rodian yelled as he writhed in an attempt to get away from the blade, but each movement only caused the blade to twist further into his joint.

“What did you do?” Hunter demanded again through the cries of pain. With both hands, he pressed harder.

The rodian spoke through the pain in a rapid, terrified manner, “I’ll tell you everything! I- shit, just don’t do that anymore! It’s called Ghost. I c- created it. We put the powder in her water flask and coated her pain pills in it and spiked her sedatives with the liquid form! It- ow fuck- it can’t be picked up on any medical scans and it’s got no taste or smell but it’s fatal when used excessively. Its main use is torture and incapacitation but for that, it needs to be used precisely. That’s all we wanted to do with her! I swear! But what I calculated for her didn’t work so we upped the dose, but it was too much too quickly. I don’t know how she’s still going.”

Wrecker, Crosshair and Echo had to fight to keep their expressions neutral, but that information shook them all to their core. They’d helped this plan along and the thought left them repulsed.

The horror Hunter felt at the fact that they’d all inadvertently been contributing to your declining health threatened to engulf him. He caught himself easing up on the rodian in the pure gut-wrenching shock of it all, but he gathered himself swiftly. “But there’s a cure.” Hunter insisted, angling his blade further towards the knee.

The rodian yelped in agony. “Yes, there’s- ah fuck- there’s- a- an- an antitode!”

“Shut up!” The twilek hissed command earning him a rifle butt to his face. His nose cracked and blood poured down.

“No way! This shit wasn’t what I signed up for!”

Hunter eased up on his pressure slightly to lure him into revealing more.

“Here, take it, take it.” The rodian winced as he reached into his inside vest pocket and took the piece of paper out- it had been the one critical piece of information he had the wits to remember to remove when they’d left the island- but now he wanted it as far away from him as possible. He felt momentarily relief as the man removed his vice-like grip on his shoulder but that was swiftly replaced by fear as he saw a blaster pointed at his face. “No, please don’t! I promise I won’t tell-”

Hunter killed the rodian with a shot to the forehead. “Get that to information to Tech.” He ordered Echo sharply who took the paper with a nod and swiftly left the room.

Hunter fired two shots into Cid’s knees as she attempted to slip away once Echo departed.

Cid crashed to the ground, hissing in pain.

Your slumped form addressed the other hunter who was still alive. “You two were slipping poison into my system for 3 weeks… didn’t you have anything better to do with your lives?”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

You, still delirious, mimed applause. “Yup, it did. Extra points for you. Although you’re 30 seconds away from death and I still have a good hour so who’s the real winner here?”

The twilek saw the tattooed solider stalking darkly towards him. He wasn’t going to die begging for his life like his rodian counterpart, he’d done something others could only dream of. “And you’re more than three hours away from Pabu. We beat you, you’re as good as-”

Hunter silenced his words with a single shot of his blaster.

You felt your legs completely give out with the effort it took to remain vertical.

Wrecker, unfortunately had to ignore your moans of since he was left with no choice but to strengthen the grip that he had on you. He didn’t even need to have Hunter’s enhanced senses to see how grave your situation was now. He could barely feel your breaths leaving your body and each time he wiped away the blood, more continued to pour down.

Hunter heard your weak cries of protest, and he turned his attention to the pathetic excuse of an individual crawling on her front away from him, blood streaking the floor from the wounds in her knees. No matter how much he wanted to make this hurt, you were the priority here. He caught up with her is a couple steps, stamped down on her back before he roughly turned her around and replaced his foot harshly on her chest.

Cid couldn’t run. She couldn’t fight. But she knew fine well what was in store for her. “Look, bandana, it was just a bad business deal, okay? I didn’t know they were doing to use so much. You’ve got the antidote, just take it and get her the help she needs.” She said tightly through the pain.

Her words filled him with pure disgust, and he couldn’t stand to hear them anymore. With her out of the picture, it would finally all be over. The constant threat of her wouldn’t plague them anymore.

“You betrayed us three times. You don’t get a fourth.” Hunter said, his voice steely with quiet and controlled rage.

“It wasn’t personal, it was a business deal. I’m sure-”

Hunter cut her off with a shot to her face. He holstered his blaster.

“Move out.” He directed as he came to your opposite side and aided Wrecker in keeping you upright so you wouldn’t choke on the blood gushing from your nose.

--

Wrecker passed you fully off to Hunter as you all entered the ship, and he joined his two other brothers in the cockpit.

Hunter laid you down carefully on the cot, angling your head so you wouldn’t gag on the blood continuing to flow from your nose. He held one cloth over your nose in what he knew was a futile attempt to stem the blood flow before he also grabbed a cold cloth and dabbed at your forehead. Your skin was on fire, your clothes soaked through with sweat and even blinking seemed to be a monumental effort for you. “Hold on. It’s just a little bit longer, okay?” Hunter told you, his voice quivering as he helplessly watched you. It seemed like even breathing was a burden for you now.

You couldn’t even nod. Another shallow breath shuddered through you.

--

Echo had gotten the ship into hyperspace and Tech back on comms. “Tech, we’re heading back. Did you get anything more on the poison?”

“Unfortunately, not more than what you’ve already told me given that it was not on any official record. But I read through what we uncovered in the home. One thing to be thankful for is that, if the instructions we’d already found are accurate, there’s still time. The final stage involved bleeding from bodily orifices. If-”

“She’s bleeding from her nose.” Crosshair interrupted.

Tech’s eyes flashed with alarm. “When did that start?” He asked, his voice grave.

“Can’t be certain but she was bleeding before we got there.” Echo told him, his own nerves rising as he saw Tech’s expression.

“Tech?” Wrecker prompted; he hated the prolonged silence as Tech glanced at his datapad. “What does that mean for her?”

“Omega and I have gathered most of what is needed for the antidote here, but we’re taking Phee’s ship to go to the neighbouring planet to get the final plants required.” Tech said instead.

“That’s not an answer.” Crosshair said, his voice tense.

“The answer wouldn’t do any of you any good. Just get her to Dalia the second you land. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

As he disappeared. Echo, Wrecker and Crosshair looked down the hallway to where Hunter was crouched by your side.

“We can’t have been too late, we can’t have been.” Wrecker fretted.

“She’s survived this long. She can do it.” Echo said but it was more to convince himself than anyone else.

“I don’t know how much she has left to give.” Crosshair said, his own worries seeping through as he watched your chest barely rise.

You were already living for longer than you were supposed to but none of them knew how much more of that you could sustain.

--

Hunter had heard the words from the cockpit, but he refused to let them resonate. “I’ve got it.” He said gently as he saw you attempting to take the rapidly growing blood-stained fabric off your face. He removed it, threw it away and made to grab a new one but your gravelly voice stopped him.

“H-Hu-Hunter.”

“Don’t- don’t try to talk.” Hunter advised, swallowing thickly. “Save your energy.”

You didn’t listen and just about managed to make your eyes focus on him. “I- I hav- have to tell you-” You gasped through pained breaths.

“Tell me when you’re better.” Hunter instructed, hoping he sounded like himself even as he felt his own distress rise in his chest, in his throat. He couldn’t stand this, but he needed to stay strong for you.

“I’m not-” You broke off with a sharp, hurt whimper. “I- I’m not getting better.” You could feel your body giving up with every ineffective, weighed down breath.

“Yes. You are.” Hunter took your hand and pressed your fingers to his lips.

“I-I want you- t-to-know that- that I love you.”

“Stop-” Hunter his voice growing hoarser and more wrecked with emotion with every passing second.

“I- I want you-you to move on- I want you to-to live.”

Hunter stroked hair back from your burning brow. “I can’t do that without you.” He whispered but he could from the distant look in your eyes tell that his words weren’t landing as the fever had ultimately taken its deadly grip.

“I- I would’ve married you.”

“You still will.” Hunter said as firmly as he could manage but it required pushing away more doubt than he cared to admit.

“I…” But you trailed off as you finally welcomed what you had been resisting for so long.

“Keep your eyes open. Please.” Hunter pleaded, his voice breaking as he saw you take one deep, crackling breath as you slowly blinked.

You wanted to. You wanted to so badly, but you felt like the end would be the only thing to give you any semblance of relief. Your eyes flickered shut and darkness took over.

Hunter hung his head and held your hand tightly, and he could only watch your signs of life slowly fade away. “Stay with me.” He begged your unconscious form through a strangled breath as he hoped some part of you would register his words.

Your pulse was thready at best, your breathing ragged and shallow.

Your entire body was shutting down and there was nothing Hunter could do to stop it.

--

Thanks to Tech’s efforts, Dalia’s home had extended and doubled into a well-functioning medical centre with enough beds and equipment to cope with whatever came her or the island’s way. It had felt a bit excessive, but it was better to be safe than sorry, and today, that was good thing.

“Put her here!” Dalia ordered as Echo slammed open the door for Hunter and Wrecker to hurry through, your body hanging weightlessly between their arms. “AZ, prep her and check her vitals.”

“Where’s Tech?” Hunter asked urgently as he placed you on the hospital bed.

“I don’t know. He should’ve been back by now.” Dalia said as she got a cooling blanket for you as AZ worked on stopping the bleeding before she gathered up the part of the cure that was already made up. She’d barely finished her sentence when Tech came sprinting through the door.

Tech stopped short when he saw the perilous state you were in but recovered quickly. He handed the final components over before he made to depart but stopped as he realised that his brother was making no move to do so.

“Hunter-” Tech tried to reach and take a hold of his arm, but Hunter shook him off.

Wrecker made to do the same but got the same result.  

“Hunter, you need to leave.” Dalia insisted as she busied about prepping the antidote whilst AZ continued doing what he could to stabilise you.

“I can’t.” He croaked; his voice barely audible as he stared at your practically lifeless body. He needed to know that you’d be okay, he couldn’t leave you like this.

“If you want her to live, you need to let me work and I can’t do that with you here.” Dalia said bluntly. She cared for all of them and hated seeing this happen but there wasn’t time to be gentle, you were barely hanging on and your health outweighed politeness.

Tech nodded to Wrecker to leave first before he turned his attention to his unmoving older brother. Tech understood Hunter’s reluctance and he too found himself not wanting to leave until he knew you were at least stable, but he was just about clear-headed enough to realise their presence was a hindrance. “Come on, Hunter.” Tech tried again and this time, Hunter let him take a hold of his upper arm to guide him out.

Hunter could barely move his feet- Tech was doing most of the work for him. He saw the concerned faces of his squad staring past him into the room but as he turned around to get one last look at you, the door shut.

The door shut on him but not before he heard it.

He heard the sound that was going to haunt him for the rest of his days. The low drone of the machine chilled his body to the bone and his knees collapsed out from under him. If it wasn’t for Wrecker’s firm grip on his shoulders, he would’ve just crumpled to the floor.  

Hunter wasn’t a medical expert, but he knew what a flatline sounded like.

--

What was complete devastation was soon replaced by raw, unbridled desperation. It swallowed him whole as he thrashed against Wrecker’s grip on him in his fight to re-enter that door.

“Hunter, stop, stop.” Omega managed to dart in front of him and take a hold of his hands. “You’ve done all you can. Fighting won’t help her or you.” She did her best to soothe him or at least get him to stop struggling against Wrecker’s hold.

The best Hunter could do was let her words and touch stop his insistence to get back to you, but he was practically hyperventilating. Cid had put them through a lot, but this had affected him in a different, more visceral way. The cruelty of everything she’d planned out and attempted to execute cut him to his core. “I did this.” He said in quiet horror and that admission opened the dam.

Once Hunter eased up, Wrecker released his hold, but he remained close by just in case. “This wasn’t your fault.”

Hunter lost all emotional control. “I should have stopped this!”

They’d all been anticipating this and knew Hunter needed them now. He’d kept it together for as long as he physically could but what they felt when they heard that flatline, he would be feeling ten times over.

“No, you couldn’t have. None of us knew what this was.” Tech reminded him.

Hunter’s panic and anger were leaving him unrestrained now. He couldn’t stop. “I watched her drink from that glass the night of the party, and I didn’t notice! I just watched it happen and did nothing! What good am I if my mutation can’t even protect the people around me!”

“It was impossible to trace. There was a reason your enhanced senses couldn’t detect this; it was inherently designed against them.” Tech emphasised.

He couldn’t handle the logic right now. It didn’t matter. All he knew was what had happened to get you here and what’d he’d failed to protect you from. “I was killing her, Tech! Every day I gave her that damn flask, forced her to take those injections and painkillers, I was killing her!”

“No. The poison was.” Echo interjected.

“Which I was only helping along! Cid might as well have hired me for the fucking job! She kept telling me that she didn’t want them but took them because she was doing it for me!”

“Hunter, you didn’t know.” Omega tried again but the clone only shook his head in harsh self-deprecating dismissal of her words.

“I should have! I-”

“And if you’re going to blame yourself for doing what you naturally thought was the only way to help her, then blame all of us because every single one of us did that.” Crosshair said bluntly but he was only speaking as frankly as he was because he knew his brother would never assign that blame to them and he needed Hunter to hear how ridiculous and pointless it was to put something like this on himself.

That felt like a punch to the gut, and it took the remaining fight out of him. But he welcomed it. The last thing he’d do would be and he could hear your voice in his head telling him to see the bigger picture here. “I know you’d never-” He broke off and tried again. “That wasn’t what I meant. I know it wasn’t your fault.”

“And it’s not yours.” Wrecker echoed again as he moved to now rest a solid, calming hand on his brother’s shoulder like he’d done in the months post the disaster of Ord Mantell.

Hunter took a deep, grounding breath, before he nodded to Wrecker to indicate that he wasn’t going to do anything foolish. He stayed standing whilst his family sat in the waiting area chairs.

Now, all they could do was wait.

--

Hunter was on step 864 when he ceased his nervous pacing a half second before the door finally opened.

The others all got out of their chairs once they “How is her condition?” Tech questioned the healer.

Dalia inhaled deeply. “She’s alive.”

Hunter couldn’t help but think there was a silent ‘for now’ that was in amongst Dalia’s tone. He’d been all too aware of what was happening behind that closed door. The announcement hardly brought him solace. There was only a slight easing to his churning stomach and frantic heartbeat as he waited for her to get to the crux of what she had to say.

“Can we see her?” Wrecker inquired.

Dalia hesitated before replying, “I would wait.”

“Why?” Crosshair asked warily.

“She flatlined three times but we got her back. However, she’s not awake yet.”

Hunter choked on a breath as she confirmed what he feared he’d heard again throughout the day.

“Not awake?” Echo repeated.  

“But she will wake up, right?” Omega asked anxiously. “You gave her the cure, so she’ll be okay, won’t she?”

Dalia slowly elaborated on what she meant, “It’s possible that with the toil the poison took on her and with the amount of strain on her body... well, I just don’t know if she’ll wake up. AZ and I going to monitor her for changes, but I’d suggest going home until you hear from me.”

“That’s not happening.” Hunter rasped, but there was no mistaking the intensity behind his words.

“Hunter-” Dalia started.

“We’re staying here.” Crosshair said, backing up Hunter’s statement with his brothers nodding their agreement too.

“I don’t know how long it’ll be before we know anything more.” Dalia said truthfully.

“We’ll wait.” Tech said firmly.

Seeing that she wasn’t going to change their minds, and she didn’t really expect to anyway, Dalia bowed her head. “Very well.” She said before she walked back into the room.

--

The hours ticked by painfully slowly.

Then the hours turned into the next day.

And the next.

Shep, Lyra and Phee had periodically come by both to check in and to bring food and blankets since it was obvious that none of them would leave until they knew your fate.

“Any updates, brown eyes?” Phee asked, laying a caring hand on Tech’s shoulder.

Tech rested his hand on top of hers. “It’s still touch and go.”

“And how’s he?” Lyra inquired with a nod in Hunter’s direction but all she got were a series of uneasy looks.

“As far as we’re aware, he hasn’t slept or eaten.” Echo said worriedly.

“Nothing? Can I bring something else? He should eat something.” Shep offered.

“We’ve tried. He won’t take anything.” Wrecker replied, voice rough with tiredness and emotion.

“I’ve got it.” Omega said as she came over and took two of the prepackaged meals.

--

“I brought you some food.” Omega said delicately as she approached Hunter who looked utterly exhausted.

“I’m not hungry.” Hunter said gruffly.

“Eat.” Omega ordered more insistently this time.

“Omega…” Hunter just shook his head.

“She’s going to make it. And you’ll need your strength to see her once she’s up. You know it’s true. So, eat.” She instructed again.

Hunter took the plate with a tired sigh and allowed the young girl to rest her head against his shoulder as the two of them ate and sat in the closest thing to relaxed silence he’d experienced since coming back.

--

Nightfall had arrived on the third day and there was still no word.

The others had all been in and out of restless naps as they waited.

The only thing keeping Hunter mildly calm was the young girl whose head was currently resting in his lap as she slept. Her soft, regular sleepy sighs allowed him some form of meditative relief as he sat there waiting for news. He adjusted the blanket as it slipped down her shoulders.

Another 15 minutes passed before Hunter heard signs of life making for the door. And his head snapped up as Dalia and AZ walked into the waiting area.

The rest of them instantly got to their feet.

Hunter gently roused Omega from his lap as they both stood, and he could hear his own anxious heartbeat in his ears.

Until now, AZ had been the one to give them sporadic updates. If Dalia was out here, that only meant one of two things…

“She’s awake.” Dalia said through a weary but delighted sigh.

Hunter braced his elbows against his knees. He covered his face with his hands and inhaled and exhaled shakily as he resisted the urge to release a relieved sob.

There was a collective breath realised as they all heard her say those words.

“Thank you, Dalia.” Hunter just about managed to say as the crushing weight of his stress and worries lifted from his shoulders, and he felt strangely disconnected from every other sensation in his body as he fully comprehended that you were safe… that you were alive.

“She’s asking for you.” Dalia said, squeezing his shoulder.

As Hunter steadily walked towards the door, some part of him felt like maybe this was all a cruel dream and he’d wake up back in that waiting area to find that you were gone. That thought soon vanished as he saw you gingerly sitting up in the hospital bed.

--

“Hey.” You said with a real but still weak and tired smile as you saw him standing there.  

A strangled yet elated noise left his lips as he heard you speak.

“Yeah, I know I don’t look too hot right now.” You said with faint tracings of humour. But as you fully took him in, you realised that wasn’t what you needed to do.  

He wasn’t ready for that yet. Everything to too fresh, too intense for him to let this become something to joke about. He caught sight of you old, bloodstained clothing and all the emotions he’d been suppressing came to a head. “I never should’ve left you.”

“You weren’t to know.” You said as you realised you didn’t need to put on that front you had been prepared to maintain. You allowed your voice to soften, and you relaxed further into the bed as you no longer felt the need to act like you could just jump out of the cot. “But you got me out and back here in time.”

“No, I didn’t.” Hunter said with self-directed frustration. “You died.”

Dalia had filled you in on what had happened, but you didn’t know the extent to which he’d been around for that but now your own tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you realised what he’d had to go through. You knew how you’d be if you’d been in his position and it was something you could hardly bare to imagine so, for him to have witnessed what he did, it was no wonder you could sense his fear tearing him apart. “Hunter-”

“It’s a rare thing for me to feel as helpless as I have these past weeks, especially on that ship departing Asusto. It was a new kind of terror. I’ve always known at least something to do, but I couldn’t do anything to help cure you. Taking care of Cid was the last thing I could do for you and for the safety of this family.” He inhaled shakily, “But then I had to watch the poison destroy you and I couldn’t do anything.” Tears were running down his face, but he didn’t care. “You knew you were going to die, you told me as much on the ship. You told me to live, to move on. I heard each flatline. I heard you get ripped away from me time and time again, and I couldn’t take it. Each time I thought you wouldn’t fight your way back, a part of me died out there and if Dalia had come out there to tell us you were gone, that part of me wouldn’t ever come back. I’d exist but I wouldn’t live. Don’t ask me to move on because I can’t, I love you with all I have. You’re the other half of me and if you are ever taken from me like that again, that half goes with you.” He finished with a breath that was half exhale, half sob.

You wiped away a few of your own tears at his words. “Come here.” You whispered as you reached for him- for your other half- and moved to the other side of the narrow cot. “And it’s not going to hurt me.” You added in reassurance since you knew that’s where his concerns would instantly go.

Hunter swallowed through the lump in his throat and finally moved towards you and shifted into the bed.

You kissed away the salty tears on his cheeks and rested his head on your chest. You felt a little pressure at the action, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle. “Hear that? I’m still here.”

Hunter closed his eyes as he listened to the thudding that emitted from your chest. It still wasn’t as strong as it usually was, but it was there, and it was steady and that’s what mattered.

You delicately stroked your hands through his hair as you rested there. You focused on his warmth, his weight on your chest, and you’d never felt more content. You felt your spark coming back with each breath and so long as he was still with you, everything else now would fall into place.

--

Upon hearing rising voices and footsteps, Hunter had just sat back down in the chair by your bedside, when Dalia re-entered with AZ whirring behind her.

“What the status?” You asked the healer as you also heard the faint sounds of protests behind the shut door.

“With you or the insistent group outside?”

You chuckled quietly, “Why don’t we start with me?”

“I want you to stay here for at least a week. We need to get you rehydrated and start reintroducing food into your system and I want to give you one more dose of the antidote to make sure all the poison is out of your body. Does that sound acceptable? Bearing in mind that I know how you are, but I will really only take one answer.”

You laughed at that, “Yes, that sounds good, Doc.”

“Now, there is a rather eager group of people out there and I don’t know how much longer they’re prepared to listen to me telling them not yet. Can-” She got cut off by the door opening.

“The answer was not very.” Echo said apologetically as they all entered.

“Oh, for goodness sake…” Dalia muttered.

“Five minutes?” You requested with delicate politeness.

“Okay, fine but I draw the line at the dog.” Dalia said with a roll of her eyes as Batcher went of her hind legs and placed her front paws on the bed by your feet.

Omega whistled and hustled Batcher out of the room before she rejoined her brothers.

“Five minutes.” Dalia reminded you as she and AZ made to give you privacy.

“Dalia, I don’t even know how to thank you. I-” You began to say as the healer walked away.

“Don’t waste your precious time now.” Dalia said but she bowed her head in acknowledgment of your words before she shut the door.

“And I also believe I owe you all a rather large thank you.” You said appreciatively.

“Don’t mention it.” Echo stated with a smile as he gave you a happy squeeze.

“Just don’t scare us like that again.” Wrecker implored as he took his turn.

“Trust me, that will not be something I am looking to re-experience.” You said agreeably.

“I should hope not.” Hunter muttered as he kept a tender yet secure hold of your free hand, his fingers finding a natural place resting on your pulse as a way to ground himself in this moment and remind himself that it was real.

Tech studied the screens next to you and tapped at his datapad. “Your condition has stabilised considerably. I would agree with Dalia’s recommendation for a course of-”

“Hey, no staring at my vitals or talking about my health until you give me hug.” You just about managed to hold your arm open expectantly but it was a rather pitiful attempt since you were still feeling pretty weak, but the resultant pathetic appearance probably aided your request.

“Very well.” Tech said through a sigh, but his brief embrace was heartfelt and warm.

“You know, if you wanted out of the engagement, there are easier ways to go about it.” Crosshair quipped as he came in last, but the relief was evident in his face.

“Ha ha.” You drawled sarcastically as you accepted his hug too.

“How are you feeling?” Omega asked and she placed her arms around you.

“Exhausted and still a little sore but alive which seems to be a bit of a surprise.” You said lightly.

“A bit?” Echo repeated with a shake of his head.

“Keeping you on your toes, Echo. That’s me.” You kidded.

There was a combined reaction of eyerolls and heads shaking in disbelief.

“And hey, we gotta find the silver-linings of this whole thing eventually. If you guys hadn’t left me that night, I wouldn’t have gotten the antidote. We’d never have figured it out.” You reminded them, absentmindedly stroking your thumb along the back of Hunter’s hand.

“I knew you were going to say that.” Hunter murmured, the tracings of a smile in his tone.

At that, you angled yourself to face Hunter once more. “I’m also really hoping you have something of mine?” You asked quietly as they all stood around the bottom of the bed.

Hunter kissed your forehead and finally allowed a proper smile as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring. “Do you want the speech again? Cause I have a few amendments.”

“Tell me tomorrow.” You said with a loving grin in his direction.

Hunter gently took your left-hand in his. “You know this is forever, right?” He murmured.

“I do.” You breathed in joyous relief as the ring slid back onto your finger.

Hunter pressed his forehead against yours in and nuzzled into the side of your face as he kissed your cheek.

All of you silently absorbed the moment that finally, finally your new lives could begin.

Next Oneshot>

Taglist: @noeasyisnoisy, @andreaaxy, @notgonnaedit, @moonychicky, @arctrooper69, @dizzy-9906 , @nightmonkeysstuff , @allthingsimagines , @thegreymarveljedi , @jellybeanstacey0519 , @callsign-denmark , @superbookishhufflepuff , @qvnthesia , @justsomerandompersonintheworld

[bontentrio]

✩ MASTERLIST ✩

keep in mind that english is not my first language!

✩ ot8 x gn reader (unless specified) ✩

✿ SO KISS ME

summary: kissing them all over their faces

tw: fluff + slightly suggestive in some of them?

✿ ATEEZ AS TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS

summary: title says it all lol

tw: fluff + suggestive in yunho’s part (hyung line) (p.2 soon)

✿ ATEEZ STUCK IN THE FRIENDZONE

summary: they are down bad for their best friend

tw: mostly fluff, maybe angst. also alcoholic drinks and being drunk in yeosang’s and wooyoung’s parts.

✿ ATEEZ GETTING OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE

summary: part 2 of stuck in the friendzone

tw: tooth rotting fluff

hongjoong + seonghwa

yunho + yeosang

san + mingi (more soon!)

✿ ATEEZ ALMOST BREAKING UP

summary: you’re in a relationship and one of you (or both) want to break up.

tw: angst (insecurities, arguments, reader flinches sometimes but it’s not violence) but with happy endings because i am weak + fluff + slight nsfw in mingi’s + alcohol in jongho’s.

✩ solo ✩

⚝ HONGJOONG ⚝

soon!!

⚝ SEONGHWA ⚝

soon!!

⚝ YUNHO ⚝

✿ SAFE PLACE

summary: after a tiring day you found yourself being comforted by the warmth of your boyfriend while he played video games.

tw: fluff maaaybe some angst but not really

⚝ SAN ⚝

soon!!

⚝ MINGI ⚝

soon!!

⚝ WOOYOUNG ⚝

✿ do you think ghosts enjoyed it?

summary: hide and seek at a haunted hospital, but you get a little too scared so wooyoung has to think of a quick way to distract you. (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)

tw: smut (fingering + riding + unprotected sex + cum eating + slight voyeurism + lmk if anything else)

⚝ JONGHO ⚝

soon!!

✩ others ✩

nothing here yet, but soon!!

[readychilledwine]

Okay I have like a slightly out of pocket request/idea that I don’t think I’ve seen before and if this is not your cup of tea you can straight up IGNORE but it’s taken over my brain 😂 let’s pretend in this story that eris and mor are mates but it’s a rejected situation bc obvs mor isn’t into males. And helion and the lady of autumn are also mates. This is post Hybern, maybe during or after ACOSF. Beron (I know ew right but stay with me now) ends up finding HIS mate. And she’s like the sweetest thing ever and she’s terrified of him. (Beron is infatuated with her because of whatever power she may have but he’s still an asshole don’t get me wrong this is not a beron redemption request) It becomes public knowledge that beron found his mate and he plans on marrying her. eris REFUSES to let another female be subjected to what his mother went through so this is what spurs the whole murder beron and become high lord plot. I have no thoughts on what happens between but eris succeeds and becomes high lord in the end, but falls in love with beron’s mate during the process and it’s mutual love and it’s angst with a happy ending. Usually fated mates is my jam but I just needed every mating bond to go wrong in this one LOL. Except for Helion and LoA of course 🫡

A Game of Fate

Eris Week - Day 7 - Free Day

Summary - After the bond between Beron Vanserra and Eris's hidden lover makes itself known, the cycle of tyranny in Autumn is put to the test

Warnings - assassination, poison, Beron, mentions of abuse, food and sleep deprivation, beron x reader mating bond.

A/n - I've been holding on to this, and I am so sorry 😭. I played with it a little bit, but I this ultimately was the version I am happiest with! Happy last day of @erisweekofficial . It feels like I'm like leaving a long-distance friend after too short of a visit.

🍂Eris Week Masterlist🍂Eris Masterlist🍂Master Masterlist🍂

The Cauldron was wrong. Eris understood Azriel's claim in every sense now. The Cauldron had to be wrong.

There was no other explanation for why his father was currently signing papers to end his marriage because you were his mate. Sweet, kind, soft spoken you. You dreamed of far-off places, peace. You once told Eris you liked to imagine what the stars whispered to each other late at night.

You were a dreamer, and you were his. Eris had hidden you in plain sight since you became his peace. You were there for him after Mor rejected the bond. You were there for him after every beating, and you loved him through everything.

And now your father had to go and ruin it. You were 505 years old, and he finally felt the need to present you as a lady to the court to be married off however Beron saw fit.

If it was a massive payout your father wanted, he had it. Everyone knew what had happened the second the High Lord of Autumn laid eyes on you. The reactions ranged from jealousy to sympathy to shock. And now, two months later, the reaction was silence.

Without even speaking, you had changed the course of Autumn's history. You had ruined Helion, Rhys, and Eris's plans. You had freed his mother at the cost of yourself and your safety. Your words behind those closed doors would haunt Eris until he died, "I will marry you only if Lady Autumn is freed and allowed to leave to wherever she sees fit, safely and with your blessing."

Eris sighed as the other two High Lords, the inner circle, and his brothers all sat in Helion's war room. Eris's boots banged with each anxious and angry step, "Any ideas," he asked. "I would have to outright declare a blood duel now, which requires gaining the support of the rest of the courts beforehand, and we do not have time for that."

"We can not declare war," Rhysand contemplated. "No other court had claim to the girl, and you have no known claim to her."

"Even if he did, Autumn court law says the mating bond trumps it," Eris's mother, Anala, said. "Especially when it is between two members of the Autumn Court. Our laws allow males to claim their mates without her accepting the bond."

"Well if that isn't misogynistic-"

"Let me know when you actually ban wing clipping, and you can bash my court's laws," Anala spat at Rhysand. "You know, as well as I do change doesn't come overnight with a dictator."

Rhysand blinked at the former Lady of Autumn before glancing at Helion. You entered the room at that moment. The air seemed to tense as you did, but Eris rushed to you, holding your elbows. "Are you alright?"

Beron has been trying to manipulate you for weeks. He played games with your mind no long talks with Eris could prepare you for. Beron was a monster, and this was only your second week continuously being with him.

Helion stared to his love, his long lost mate, and stood, "Give me a week with your mother, and I will do it." The silence was screaming as the former Lady of Autumn shook her head. "There are no other answers, my love." Helion knew the look in Eris's eyes, the ache, the desperation, and the struggle.

He knew immediately what you were to Eris and what you could be to Autumn. Helion, much like Eris, knew he could not let you fall victim next, but you had no intentions to. He had watched his mate suffer for far too long, and the rumors of Beron's so-called adoration for the female in front of him did not mask the concern the Lord of Day felt.

You and Eris held eye contact. The room noticed the wordless communication. It was a bond that could only have been built through love, trust, and years of understanding. "I can not risk you like that."

"I would be careful," your reply was so soft but filled with confidence. "He won't even know if we use small amounts."

Eris couldn't help but hold your arms a little tighter, "I will not risk you." His eyes were pleading for you to reconsider to think this through.

"Would anyone mind including the rest of us in this... touching conversation?" Rhysand picked a piece of lint off his jacket before crossing his arms.

You spoke before Eris could, "There is a plant that grows in a certain place. It is highly poisonous and undetectable. The symptoms are no worse than an allergy. It can cause death within 2 weeks."

You watched as Anala shook her head at Helion, "I know of no such poison."

"That's because I made and grow it," Eris flinched at your admission and the questions it would bring.

Helion started to laugh, "You made it?"

Eris glared at the Day Lord, "y/n has a certain.. gift.. from the Mother."

"I can combine poisons," you rolled your eyes at Eris playfully. "Create new ones with no antidote or cures." Rhys and Helion turned to each other, clearly not assumed by the new information. "I only used it once. And they deserved it."

Anala's whiskey eyes went wide, "The human smuggler. You killed him?"

"Eris did. I just provided the supplies."

Rhysand pinched the bridge of his nose. "Eris, why was this information not provided to any of us earlier? Do you understand how useful she is?" You shook your head toward the red-haired male. He seemed to calm down instantly at the sight of you. "Ah, I see. She's your lover. Not just your friend."

His mother seemed stunned at this information, "But Morrigan?"

You flinched at the mention of her name. "Has the same taste as I do, mother," Eris was only looking at you. "And I do not support this idea," his grip on your arms grew tighter. "He is not a common idiot."

"Nor am I," you declared. "I would be smart. I'll be close enough to him to make sure he gets it every day. Even after just a week-"

Rhysand finished, "He'd be weak enough to call an emergency meeting or for one of us to declare the blood duel."

You nodded at the Lord of Night, not even stopping to admire his dark beauty with the grace of Autumn and Mother Nature stood before you in Eris's eyes. There was no world where you planned to be without him, no world where you could see yourself in arms besides his.

But for a week you would not have a choice. For a week, you would play the part you were expected to, and it began before you even had breakfast the next day. You were woken up by two handmaiden ripping you from your bed in the former Lady of Autumn's private chambers and throwing your half awake and now naked self into a bath.

Every inch of you was scrubbed almost raw before your hair was washed and scented to Beron's preference of roses. You were dried and dressed in almost no time, the heavy traditional gown feeling like shackles on your figure.

No cotton dresses if this failed.

No more nights in Eris's sweaters and nothing else.

Once your hair and makeup we're finished, you were not taken to breakfast. You were taken to lessons. Beron had assumed you knew nothing of formality, nothing of etiquette. You had not been presented to his courts, so what other assumption could he have made as you were retaught the differences in dinning utensils.

You would not see food until that even came, and then the mood quickly fizzled away as the table for two was filled. The only sound in the room was meat being cut, your breathing. You knew not to speak before the High Lord addressed you. You knew he was testing you with silence.

You did not see Eris in this male. There was no sign of the life that burned in Eris's eyes. No freckle of Beron's seemed to mimic the night sky the way Eris's did. There was nothing special to you about Beron Vanserra. Not even the bond was strong enough to make you want him.

"How were your lessons," his voice was falsely sweet. "I assume based on your manners they went well."

"They were lovely, High Lord," you responded. "A good refresher for everything my mother had already taught me."

Beron glanced at you, "Are you inferring you did not appreciate me setting you up with the finest tutor in my court?"

Eris would be whispering to you to tread carefully. Beron's very body language told you this was beginning to enter dangerous territory. "No, my lord," you said softly, "But I would hate for you to waste time and resources on me when I am sure there are better things to put them towards."

Beron leaned back, a smirk playing on his lips as he cocked his head, "You know how to play. I'm going to thoroughly enjoy breaking you, mate."

And you thoroughly enjoyed watching him drink the whiskey laced with 3 drops of poison.

The next day was different. Beron himself was dragging you places without food right away this morning. He was showing you off to different advisors all day, bragging about your beauty, your ability to manipulate flowering and fruiting plants into harvests sooner.

You had used your magic so much to show off for him that you could hardly stand as he affectionately held your chair out for dinner. "You did wonderfully today," he began eating after forcing you to say a prayer to the Mother.

He didn't get to hear the silent plea you sent her. The silent begging for mercy.

You sid get to hear him start coughing as he drank his tainted whiskey that night, though.

Eris was worried for you the third day. You had been sent to bed late, awoken early. Once again, not allowed food. He had stayed by your and Beron's side in meeting that day.

His amber eyes never left your form. He was openly staring at the way you couldn't help but lean on Beron in your exhausted state.

And when Beron stole you for dinner, Eris made sure to add extra poison to his drink, watching as you played the part of the perfect mate, rushing to help him as he began to cough up blood.

Illness among the fae was rare, but when it struck, it was deadly. By the end of day 4, the Forest House was a much quieter place. Beron was bed bound due to Eris's choice to expose him to the poison morning, noon, and night.

You had warned him that this poison was aggressive in large doses. He had also tested it on more brutal lesser fae tracking to attack innocent children to see that. It was brutal, focusing on getting into the smallest cells of blood before shutting down major organs quickly and painfully. You were sat beside his father, crying, playing the part, and Eris beside you, a distraught son.

Day 5 Eris slipped the poison in a high dose into Beron's pain medication before finding you. He had cornered you into a hall closet. You had been forced from bed far too early again, forced to skip meals again.

Eris knew this tactic. Had Beron been healthy, he would continue this until your brain associated Beron's presence with food. It was a way to make you comply, to rely on him.

Eris put an end to it right that moment. He ordered you to be given food, then rest. His father refused the tea Eris offered him that night. Took weak to even open his eyes.

You had underestimated yourself and your powers, or perhaps the smug male above you had more to with it than he let on, bit day 7, Beron was unresponsive. Eris held you down on the bed you two had shared so many times before, kissing your neck and whispering words of how he'd move the very foundations of this world for you when the knock came on his door.

He quickly hid you, allowing a healer to enter. Eris faked his reaction perfectly. He fell to his knees with a strangled cry, hand on his heart as the healer moved to comfort the young heir.

Beron was unresponsive.

And by night fall, Eris truly fell over. His very blood felt as if liquid fire had been poured into him. His hearth grew brighter, hotter.

It wasn't until your heart-wrenching scream came that Eris knew without doubt what had happened. No one had prepared for the outcome of you losing your mate. No one had even questioned what it would do.

They had been so focused on saving you that they had forgotten the most important part of the bond, Beron was the other half of your soul. Grief. Guilt. Joy. Anger. You had never felt like this. You had never imagined a world where you could feel so deeply it ached and made you sick.

You pushed healers away as you held Beron's hand. You pushed Eris away as he came to kneal beside you. You didn't want to feel this, yet you did. You did as he forced you up and out of the room. You did as Beron's body was burned before his ashes were given to the trees. You did as you watched Eris take his place.

The grief only stopped when Eris concerned you that night, his hands on your hips, and he led you to another room where a separate celebration took place. Anala stood in Day Court attire, laughing as Helion dipped her, laughing as Lucien smiled at her from across the room, Elain safely tucked to his side.

Eris's middle brother stood dancing with his male lover, the two of them just swaying. Mor was there with Emerie, lips by her ear gossiping. "I ache too at times," Eris looked at her, a longing in his eyes as he did. "I wonder if I made the right choice to let her go on my loneliest nights. Then I see you."

Eris kissed your knuckles, "I see you, and I regret nothing. Not even what I did in secret."

You looked at him then, "Eris?"

"I stole the black poison. The one you never tested. Every time he and I ate together, I slipped him that one as well."

Your face fell, "You-"

"Weren't going to risk it. Not with the female I am in love with being involved," Eris drank his wine slowly as he studied your reaction.

"So no big fight needed?"

"Oh, trust me, I wanted that," he clarified. "I didn't realize it would work as quickly as it did. I wasn't sure what you had been crafting. He died before I could challenge him, but before he could break you."

The two of you continued watching Helion and Anala, continued watching Lucien and Elain, his brother, Mor.

The grief did linger, but as you took his hand, it faded more. "Let's go dance, High Lady," he whispered into your ear.

And with each spin, every dip, the raise in laughter, the ache continued to fade.

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanagers @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr @eternallyelvish @azrielsmate3 @daughterofthemoons-stuff @meritxellao @aria-chikage @hungryforbatboys @lilah-asteria @fandomrejects @sleepybesson @tayswhp @itsswritten @milswrites @littlest-w01f

[educatedsimps]

Heyo! Quick request here because my FYP wants to make me suffer with all the Bokuto angst I’ve been seeing related to different fics (like in another life, ect). WHY DO FANFIC AUTHORS KEEP KILLING HIM OFF??? ITS DRIVING ME NUTS 😭😭 Anyway, I’d like to request some fluff with Bokuto to counteract the angst I’ve been seeing. Maybe the reader wakes up from a nightmare similar to what’s been going on in these fics and he cheers her up by being his normal happy self? Take that my FYP hahaha

(I love your writing btw! I literally pause whatever I’m doing to read anything you’ve posted! You’re my fav author on this website <3)

≪ back to fics masterlist

bokuto kōtarō x f!reader

a/n: nah bro in another life fucking broke me 🥲 i read it in like 2021 (i think??) and that angst still haunts me to this very day 😀 anyway ofc bae i literally had a fic with this nightmare/comfort idea in my google keep drafts for the LONGEST time so it's time to finally put it out there lol. ALSO I'M SO GLAD U LIKE OUR WORKS omg "favourite author"??? MY HEART ✋😭 TY FOR READING ANON ILYSM 😭💕 hope u enjoy this bae and thanku for requesting, it was truly a joy writing this!

cw: idk man just bokuto fluff and comfort typa thing cuz he’s bokuto and the B in bokuto stands for best boyfriend (b)ever

"so he’s killed in the straight aus and sent back to be with akaashi cause we will nvr recover from in another life" -yves 2024

Jolting awake, you felt fresh tears rolling past your cheeks and staining your pillow. Eyes wide, you scanned your surroundings. Same room, same bed, same pyjamas...

Was that all a dream? But... It had felt so terrifyingly real that you had woken up in a cold sweat with ugly tears streaming down your face. Heart palpitating, you tried to regulate your breathing and convinced yourself that it was just a dream.

Feeling a warm breath brush the back of your neck, you turned to see your boyfriend, Bokuto Kōtarō, sleeping soundly next to you. His breaths were slow and deep, and you watched as his bare chest rose and fell. With a beefy arm slung over your waist, he held you close to him throughout the night, keeping you warm. The dim moonlight from your window illuminated his features and his face looked so peaceful (and beautiful) you couldn't help but stare.

Breathing a sigh of relief, you soaked up the warmth radiating from his body. Not wanting to wake him, you furiously wiped the tears from your cheeks and tried to quiet your sobs.

Unfortunately for you, Bokuto's hearing was as sharp as an owl's, and he stirred with a groggy "Y/n?"

A sniffle.

He jerked his head up to look at you clearly. Your head was buried in his chest. "Y/n?"

Another sniffle. He was starting to panic.

"Babe! Babe, what happened?" He asked softly, placing a hand under your chin and tilting your head up. He swore he heard his heart go crack when he saw your tears. You responded by burying your face in his neck again.

Realising you probably weren't ready to talk just yet, he decided to distract you first. Pulling your trembling body to his, he gently rubbed circles on your back and pressed a sweet kiss to your temple.

He hummed, "You know, I was thinking the other day. Maybe we could install a small spinning light thingy in the corner of our room so it's not so dark at night. I know you don't really like it when it's pitch black in the room sooo I figured maybe that could help! I was scrolling online and saw some designs I thought you'd like, but I forgot to copy the link to send it to you but I can look for it again and show it to you later-"

He paused abruptly when you raised your head, sitting up and looking at him with a half-smile on your face.

"You okay?" He asked, concern taking over his features. He shifted so that you both were half sitting with your legs still tangled under the blanket. "Wanna talk about it?"

With yet another sniffle, you nodded. As you recounted your nightmare, Bokuto continued rubbing your arm soothingly, occasionally wiping away your tears with his thumb. His head was tilted to the side in the most adorable fashion and his eyes were fully focused on you as you spoke.

"And... and then you died," You whispered, voice hoarse and shaky. Looking into his bright amber eyes, you continued. "It was so scary, Kō..."

"But I’m right here, aren’t I?" He asked almost immediately. Bending down to your eye level, he looked at you with such a pure and genuine smile. Your heart beat faster under his gaze.

"And I’m gonna be right here forever. I’ll be here when you wake up from bad dreams and good dreams, and I’ll be here on the nights you can’t fall asleep. I’ll be your protector, Y/n!” He continued, beaming. He swiftly placed a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll protect you from all the nightmares, I promise! And see? I’m totally fine! Those killers ain't got nothing on us. I won’t let ‘em touch my baby.”

He concluded his little cheer-up speech with a sweet kiss on your lips. His hand brushed your jaw, pulling you closer. If you weren’t seated firmly on the bed, your knees probably would’ve given out from how sweet the kiss was. Either that or you would’ve gotten severe cavities before the kiss ended.

Pulling away, he wrapped you up in his arms and you felt your lips pull into a smile. His cheery mood really was contagious.

Gently pushing you into a lying position, he grabbed the blanket and pulled it over your bodies, essentially bundling the two of you together.

“Time to get some sleep, babe. I’ll be right here, ‘kay?” He said, now hugging you under the covers. You hummed, feeling safe and content.

“Oh yeah, we should definitely get a spinning light thingy. It might help with the nightmares ‘cause it won’t be as dark,” you piped up. Chuckling, Bokuto agreed.

“I love you,” he whispered, closing his eyes.

“I love you more,” you yawned.

“I love you the most-est!”

You felt another kiss on the crown of your head before you drifted off to sleep.

a/n: UMMM i hope this was nightmarish/comfort/cheery enough?? IDK IM SORRY IF IT DIDNT MEET THE REQUIREMENTS 😭 but still, tysm for requesting and thanku for reading too!! hope u liked it :,) (feel free to request another part if you’re not satisfied)

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarise any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[ughgoaway]

my favourite fics and writers

hi, y'all!! so I've decided that this year, I want to be more appreciative of all the amazing content we have on this app, and thank the writers providing it. this was inspired by Lily (lastnightwaskindofablur) who shared how long it took her to write her series, and it made me realise how much time and love are poured into these fics.

so this list is basically everyone im following, and my favourite piece of writing from them! I don't think I've forgotten anyone, but if I have IM SO SORRY!! if I am following you- I'm obsessed with you.

anyway, so sorry for tagging 1000 people but I love and appreciate you all so much!!

(so much rambling below the cut)

@64yrsold; “aches” is amazing and “wintering” is heartbreaking in the best way. Also, all of their one-shots are just amazing, I could read them over and over again!!

@yourtouchismidas; “ruins” was one of the first fics that had me checking AO3 every day for updates. truly heartbreaking and all-encompassing. and all the blurbs from it are also amazing. The dad! Matty content mixed with the angst is just so well done.

@abiiors; is not only one of the nicest people on this app (and maybe the world) but also one of the most talented writers. so so many amazing fics that honestly, don't even get me started on bc I will talk for HOURS. but “haunt//bed” is one fic I can't stop coming back to. And “Three’s a Party” is… mind-numbingly good, it actually made me scream into a pillow when I read it for the first time. Vee also creates all the amazing 75 Tumblr activities so really she is to thank for SO MUCH content on here!! one of the kindest people I know, and I feel so lucky to call her my friend :)))

@shinycollarboneapologist; was the blog where I started rambling and sharing ideas, so she is to thank for all the friends I've made on here!!! The Taylor verse is PHENOMENAL and “illicit affairs” is a fav. but “clandestine” has invaded my brain so much I literally dream about it regularly... so I have to say that's my no.1

@imagine-that-100; I first discovered her series "Drunk” on ao3 and then promptly binged everything on her masterlist (multiple times...) “Chicken Shop Date” is just a masterpiece (she and her co-writer are AMAZING on this and I will ramble about her later), but my personal fav is “truth serum”. I have probably read that fic about 50 times over and I love it just as much every time!!!

@heyidkyay; I first read “Who Can Say No to Bridezilla?” and became obsessed on ao3. but then I found them on Tumblr and was completely sucked into "I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name" which is quite possibly the best George series on here. so much character building and back story, and overall just a phenomenal fic.

@justlikemebutsixfootthree; has some of the best smut on this app,” The Birthday Party” is probably my most re-read because it is just an absolute masterpiece. but “insane” and “direction” are also both amazing.

@imightgetbetter; was one of the first blogs I discovered on here, and I fell in love with the whole “Love It If We Made It” series. such an amazing development of a relationship and their writing is AMAZING. but my absolute favourites have to be “Bets are off” and “I love dilfs.”

@butyou-callmewhenyourebored; has such good Ross content all around, truly providing for the Ross girlies!!! but the Leeds au blurb 1 is my fav from them!

@drivelikeiido; has some beautiful fluff, and I just love the way they write Matty. but (not so) important decisions just make my heart warm like nothing else!!!

@toomuchracket; my beloved mads!! the fun wine aunt of 1975 Tumblr. I mean I could talk for 17 pages about my love for all of her au's... birthday party is the perfect supportive husband, d-word is the best slutty old man content on this app lol and flatmate is the friends-to-lovers content we all yearn for. asking me to choose my favourite Mads fic is like choosing a favourite child, but right now it has to be totally wrecked. I think that has altered my brain chemistry in an indescribable way… (edit; since writing this she has put out possibly my no.1 fic of all time, “and this is how it starts” so I just had to mention how much I fucking adore it)

@lottiecrabie; I mean... what else is there to even say about Lottie other than she is one of the best writers I have ever read. truly the mother of 1975 Tumblr. “rockstar girlfriend” and “pray for my soul” both have such special places in my heart, but anatomy au locked a new section in my brain fr. that little loser lives in my head rent free!!!

@tillthelandslide; is so so kind and has some amazing series I would recommend to EVERYONE. “insufferable asshole” is one of my absolute favourites, I love a grovelling man what can I say!!! but “Same for You” has me flipping sides every chapter, I still can't choose if I'm team Ross or team Matty.

@lastnightwaskindofablur; what more can I sat about the whole ATPOAIM universe other than it is quite literally phenomenal. the amount of time and effort poured into the Brittany Jackson universe is so clear by how amazing each fic and blurb is. my absolute favourite thought is "Christmas isn't cancelled (just you.)" from the 12 days of Christmas. it is easily one of my favourite fics I've read!!! She is also the whole inspiration behind this list and made me realise how important thanking your favourite writers really is.

@cowboylor; ohmyLORD the smut on this blog is just... wowowoowowowow. actually made me nervous to attempt smut because of how good theirs is. "Cabin Fever" is probably my favourite, I love a good threesome fic.

@alovesreading; the other half of the JAW DROPPING series that is “Chicken Shop Date”. the hours that have been put into that fic are so clear in how well thought out it is. every word feels purposefully placed, and every chapter fucking HITS. A also writes amazing fics for Alex Turner and is slowly making me an Alex girlie just by how good her writing is...

@bookish-strawberry; such such good fics in the "You and Me Till the End Universe". Ambrose has just created such loveable characters and you can't help but adore his writing. “alleyway” pt 1 and 2 are my favourites, I do love some fwb content.

@hypersonic04; her teacher Ross universe is just great, every blurb and fic just radiates the love between the characters that she has created!! but my absolute favourite fic of hers has to be "Tis the damn season", it somehow made me love one of my favourite songs even more.

@cryley; her “Petichor” series is just fluffy perfection, I have probably read it over 10 times and will 1000% be reading it at least 10 more...

@cows-wearing-my-sweater; has some amazing one-shots, and his work on “Eternal Summer” is absolutely beautiful. she manages to make you feel the warmth of summer through a screen, and it's fucking beautiful. 

@thefrontofmymind; has so many great matty fics/imagines, “Helping Hand” jumps out easily as my favourite though. Once again, friends with benefits is ALWAYS gonna slap. especially when they confess their feelings at the end!!!! ahhh so good. “Proof Positive” is such a good Ross fic, if you like pregnancy fics I would HIGHLY recommend it.

@uramilf; did the 12 days of Christmas last year, and every day was amazing!!! But £The Record Shop” is my favourite series from her, love and music combined are too perfect for me not to adore.

@3terna15unshin3; Marcey's fic "then because she goes" had me refreshing ao3 DAILY. este is such a well-rounded and beautiful character, her and Matty's love makes me so lovesick it's CRAZY. that whole series is my favourite, and my fav blurb from that universe is Toothbrush. Este and Matty are so beloved by me <333

@because-she-goes; has an amazing universe with Matty and an OC that I adore, Nora is such a lovely character and every fic about them makes me giddy. "black lace" and "Summer Girl" are my favourites of their fics though!

@theseventyfive; has such a way with words, every fic makes me giggle and kick my feet. but if you saw my tags on my reblog of "not so secret Santa" you know how deeply I adore that fic. the writing on it is beautiful and makes you feel warm somehow??? amazing.

@wrongendofurcigarette; George girlies it's your time to shine!!!! "sun-soaked" and "wet" swirl in my mind whenever I see a pic of George looking... particularly good. but recently she has created an actress reader au that I am BUZZING for. that little snippet was... wowowowowowowow

@automaticllamacycle; OLIVE!!!!! once again, such a nice and genuine human being and I am so so lucky to chat with her because she is the best hypeman EVER. and is amazing to bounce ideas off of. just such a kind person and I am blessed to scream to her over DM. her coffee shop AU might be my most-read fic ever. it was my daily routine at one point to wake up, go to AO3 and read that fic. when part 2 came out???? I DIEDDDDDDD. but also all of olives horny thoughts are... MUWAH chefs kiss.

@red---moon; "after party" is another fic I read regularly on ao3, sleepy matty after a party with flirting and then smut??? hellooooo yes please. also, “Souvenir” as a series is just amazing, so so so good.

@maxverstappensflatbrim; “show me yours” is such a beautiful universe, and has SO MANY CHAPTERS for you to become obsessed with. I just love every character in that universe, and Mac’s writing is amazing.

@justanamesstuff; “All I Need” is such an amazing series, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves Dad! Matty content!! But all her blubs are worth reading too!!

@procrastinatinglikeapro; is so so sweet and has some absolutely mind-blowing fics. I must have read her entire masterlist 10 times over at this point. Choosing a favourite is hard, but “Does it matter” as a series has me HOOKED. (but also I love “mango lipgloss” and “wear my name around your neck”… don't make me choose okay)

@wrestletotheground; has some absolute BANGERS that everyone MUST read. Once again, the ross-tent on this blog is amazing. “Crime and Punishment” is my fav Matty fic from them, and she absolutely killed it with “Settle Down” for Ross!!

@mybrokenveins3000; college ross SUPREMACY!!! She is right when she says she is proud of “everyday rockstar” because it's easily my fav!!

@steel-elle; beautiful writing with everything she does, but my favourite has to be “But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes” (is this also because I love the song New Year's Day?? perhaps…)

@kscheibles; “e la vita” is so stunning I don't even know how to verbalise it. That fic has a portion of my heart FOREVER. But college bf! Matty is truly the man we all deserve, and I am obsessed with him.

@think0fmehigh; molly!!! My love!!! What else is there to say about Molly other than she might be my fav filthy smut writer on this app, and thats a tough competition. Every time I get a snippet in DM’s from her, I feel like one of the luckiest human beings alive. Molly does not have a bad fic (despite her protests im sure) but my top two (because I CANT CHOOSE JUST ONE) have to be “Birthday Girl” and “You Get Me So High.” but honestly if you have the time, bless your life by reading every word she's ever written.

@controlmyfeet; DAD MATTY FIC. thats all I even need to say, it is SO SWEET and it makes me so happy!!!!

@bfiaflbox; sooooo much good content, but my favourites are “Wintering” and “Tonight I Wish I Was Your Girl” !!

@nowshesdoingitallthetime; kirke. This is me BEGGING for more bartender matty!!! “Cocktails, Cowboys and back alleys” is MWUAH MWUAH MWUAH. Bartender Matty is a need, I adored every second of that fic.

@wiintring; I NEED more from Christina!!! Her writing is all wonderful, and “Come here dressed in black now” does live in my mind!!! 

@grocerystorelist; “body of Christ” is made for the religious trauma girlies and the fleabag girls. PREIST MATTY DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYY. Leila is so talented, it's crazy.

@forcryingoutlloud; wowwowwowwow the smutty content on this blog… its sooooooo good. “Beg for it” and “greedy” did melt my brain in the absolute best way, like I was genuinely SWEATING at how hot it was. As is everything on her masterlist!!

@hrryshoney; gyno! Matty unlocked a whole new side to me that I had NO IDEA was there. Like… insane. And the newest photographer reader fic also drove me CRAZY because I do love a cocky fictional man and some semi-public sex…

@the1975attheirverybest; Halla’s blog is a great place for discussion, good writing and crazy intelligent analysis of the band. “Education” and “being funny in a foreign language” are just… art. Truly. The character of Amelia and the characterisation of Matty are some of my favourites on this app. Hot smut, good writing and a lovely human being- what else do you need hellooo?? (also the pegging blurb from ages ago… yeah I think about her A LOT.)

@sugar-coat-it; FILTY, AMAZING SMUT. literally, every piece on Belle’s masterlist is worth reading 100 times over. Her newest thigh-riding blurb has been rotting my brain, I can't stop going back to it and reading it. Also, the Kylo Ren fic… mask kink unlocked fr. and the matty helping you deepthroat fic is also incredible. (can I just name everything she's done orrr???)

@cinomn; Nina has some great content, and I would genuinely recommend anything!! My favourite has to be “Summer Nights”, but it's a TOUGH competition tbh!!

@noacfslut; THE WRITING SPEED ON THIS BLOG?? MIND BOGGILING. And not only is Elle speedy, but every fic all absolutely wonderful. “Jealousy jealousy” and “undo” are my favourites, but that might change when I get the chance to read her mechanic au, because from what I've heard, it's also extraordinary.

[r3starttt]

Don’t delete the kisses

a/n: I got my inspo from “See You In My 19th Life” also, felt too personal. Basically reader inspired on me lol

Pt 2. | Prt.3 | Prt.4

Warnings: mentions of bullying, suicide, lots of angst and fluff

“I see the signs of a lifetime, you ‘til I die”

You’ve had seventeen lives so far. You’ve been all kinds of people in all kinds of places, and you always remember each one of them. It always happens for different reasons, it could be a smell that reminded you of a perfume, a new dish that apparently you’ve already tried before, a face that felt familiar, a song that made you feel weirdly in love.

At first it was horrifying, it was so confusing and you made so many mistakes. You told people about it. You tried to find your loved ones, tried to approach to them again because your heart still missed them. But eventually you learned to handle it. Eventually the pain of past life losses disappeared and you just learned to ignore your not so nice gift.

You’ve also learned to adapt to every life, which was becoming easier every time because the knowledge, talents and hobbies from every life apparently stayed with you. Maybe it was your soul?

You stopped having complains and learned to value and enjoy everything. You appreciated every mistake you made because it helped you learn for a future life, you enjoyed feeling everything so deeply because it would help you remember the next time you reincarnate, you showed your love for everyone and did everything you wished so you wouldn’t have any regrets. You learned to be positive and take advantage of everything that was offered to you on each life.

Until now.

Ever since you were a child you’ve felt empty. Loved but not enough to fill your heart, admired but feeling like you’re not worth it, with friends that care for you and a lovely family that provides you all you need and all you could ever ask for but feeling like you don’t deserve them. Maybe you were born sad?

It seems like your whole life happened in the blink of an eye. Maybe it’s the sadness that hasn’t allowed you to enjoy this life properly, but where does that come from?

Maybe you’ve got used to sadness so much that you don’t know how to handle it on this life? It’s frustrating, not even all the knowledge in the world, all the abilities you’ve learned and your old soul can handle such feeling. It’s the first thing you’ve been unable to control, ever.

There is a reason why it got out of control though. When you were eleven you were bullied by your whole class, including some professors. And it didn’t matter how much privilege you had, neither you or your parents could do anything about it.

That’s the moment all the lonely, angry and sad in you became overwhelming, the moment you started to believe in god again just to beg him every day to kill you, to let you die.

And even if that was almost ten years ago it still haunts you. The humiliation, the anger, the loneliness. And you can’t handle it, not because you don’t know how to, but because your body doesn’t allow you to.

Your heart always reminds you of it, like it happens with your past lives, there’s always a smell, a word, an action. The way those kids made you feel, they things those adults said to you, the way your parents broke in tears when you first told them, the awkwardness at home whenever they tried to make you talk to them. It all stuck to you forever.

“What if it’s not meant for me? Love”

However there was someone that was worth trying to live. Her name is Ellie, and you’ve been dating her for some years now.

She’s your childhood best friend, the person you trust the most on this world and the only one that doesn’t make you feel overwhelmed. Your girlfriend and the lover you’ve feel more connected to or all your lives.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” You’re both laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and talking about random stuff, whatever goes trough your minds “Or…. reincarnation”

“None of them, do you?” you could see her moving her head towards you from the corner of your eye “Yeah, I’d like us to be soulmates and find each other on each life” a chuckle came out of Ellie’s mouth “you’re so cheesy ughh” you laughed back, kicking her shoulder with your arm to which she complained.

“I know but, I’ve never loved someone this much el” you turned your head too, smiling at the look of Ellie’s shy smile and and her slightly tainted cheeks “you’ve really saved my life, you know it” Just as those words were spoken, her face changed completely.

“all good?”

You could see the worry on her face, in the way her eyes studied yours and on the pout that slowly appeared. You just sighed back, hesitating a bit and debating if you should tell her the truth or not.

“It’s probably my birthday, I’ll be fine” the reassurment in your voice didn’t seem to convince her, so you spoke again “el, things have been good in the past few years, it’s not gonna change suddenly”

“What if they do?” she’s right, what if they do?

“They won’t, I would already know and I would tell you, I promise” you do know, but you won’t tell her, not now.

“You tell me to get over it and to take you out, but I can’t and I’m too scared. “

You’ve tried to take your life some years ago, before Ellie and you started to date. Honestly, to this day you still don’t know how you managed to not die. It was late at night, right before your birthday, it always makes you feel extremely sad for some reason, you believe is the fear of growing up, of things getting harder.

“And here’s the night bus, I have to go. And the doors are closing and you’re waving”

You’ve had that feeling for over a month. All your healing process falling apart just for your birthday? you still feel ashamed about it. You just took some random blade you’d saved for this moment and started to practically stab your wrists.

All your thoughts mixed with the weirdly feeling of pain and satisfaction and the blood dripping down your arms blinded you, and in the blink of an eye you just loose the balance and fainted.

But you promised yourself that if you didn’t make it back then, you would try it again, no matter what. Or at least you tried to convince yourself.

“What if it’s not meant for me? Love”

“What are you gonna gift me?” you decided to better change the topic before your thoughts could overwhelm any of you “What do you want?” Her hands tangle with yours.

“You haven’t got me anything yet?” a laugh scapes your mouth “I do but…. I don’t know” Ellie loved handmade gifts, however she always does something different for you. “You know I love your gifts el, you can give me a rock and I would admire it forever”

Your hands slowly move from Ellie’s, cupping her face and making her look at you. She’s so pretty, with the light of the sun coming through the window snd hitting her freckles just perfect, making her eyes look shiny too.

“So you want a rock then?” of course she had to make jokes, she can’t handle romantic moments, gets to nervous. You just roll your eyes.

“You know, a perfect gift would be that you stopped using those crusty converse” she immediately groans, pushing your hands away from her face and leaning on her back

“What’s wrong with them?”

“They smell, they’re broken and they’re dirty as fuck because you never clean them”

“They don’t smell! and I glued them recently”

“Ellie, please”

“But don’t call me by my full name”

“I’m not! And I’ve always called you Ellie”

“No you haven’t, you call me El”

“El, please buy some new converse for my birthday”

“And what do I get for doing it?”

“Your girlfriends happiness”

“I think that’s a sign. I’m losing self control and it’s you”

And that’s how you it was for the rest of the day. Ellie pouting every time you teased her but calling you dramatic if you said anything about her teasing you. Also, Ellie suddenly telling you random facts about dinosaurs and space and just random stuff in general.

That was the las time you saw her, until your birthday. She’d come earlier than anyone else to have more time alone with you. It’s not that you had many friends but your family always came too so they’d keep you busy all day.

A day before you were looking through your closet, finding all the cute gifs Ellie had made you, admiring the details of all her drawings and reading the letters. Watching all the Polaroids your mom took of you two, the gift she made for you when she asked you to be her girlfriend, a bracelet she gifted you when you asked her to be her friend, a letter you made for her from when you first fought.

And it made you feel horrible, because the decision was already made, the letters for all the people you cared about were already written and saved in your desk. Your phone was already unlocked so everyone could have access to it, your room was tidy and your closet clean.

You were just waiting for her, for tomorrow, for all your family to be together when you left so it would be hopefully easier to everyone. For everyone to be there and get their letters, for Ellie to not be alone when she got the news, for your parents and your girlfriend to be comforted by each other’s presence.

You went downstairs, looking for Ellie since you heard your parents already speaking with her. They were all siting at the dining room.

It made your heart melt to see you happy she looked the moment she saw you. Her eyes, her pretty nose scrunching a little, her smile widening.

“Can I see my gift already?” Your parents laughed in disbelief, telling you to at lest greet her properly before asking her about a gift.

“Your parents told me you’ll open them later” she chuckled, looking at your parents and then back at you, you did the same.

You stepped closer to her, grabbing her hands and taking her to your room.

“Can you at least tell me what is it? I’ll act surprised I promise”

“A rock”

“Haha so funny el”

You closed the door behind you, watching Ellie sitting on your bed. She just stared at you, with puppy eyes of course. You really hoped you wouldn’t remember this when you reincarnated, or at least that It wouldn’t hurt as much as it does right now.

“What’s that box?” her finger pointed at the box you were just looking trough last night. You walked towards it and took it to the bed, sitting besides Ellie.

“All your gifts” she looked at you in pure shock “This is something I did for you when we were like…. Seven or something, why’d you still have it?”

“My mom saved all this things, it’s cute isn’t?”

“I feel exposed”

“What’s wrong with it? I love all of it”

“Your gift is not gonna fit in here”

“So it’s not a rock and defined not a new pair or converse” your eyes moved towards Ellie’s shoes, she just sighed

“Stop it, you’re the only one that notices them”

“My parents do, my mom asked my why you never changed them” that was a lie, but how could Ellie know?

You did the same thing as last nigh, take a final look to all the gifts that Ellie had made to you, not now with her. You’d made fun of her and she would just frown her eyebrows and eventually pout if she felt really ashamed of it. You’d make her read the letters out loud and ask her about the process of every draw she’d made of you.

“This letter is for me, why didn’t you give it to me?” Now you understood the feeling, karma. “We fought, I decided it was better to apologize in person” her hands leaned the letter towards you, making you read it out loud just as you’d made her do to you.

“January 13 2020” you stopped as she laughed “don’t laugh, you wanted me to read it I’ll read every detail then”

“I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you mad, I’m still not sure what it was- Ellie, you’re such a dramatic person”

“Me? You’re the one that’s dramatic for making a whole letter even though you hate writing just to randomly apologize”

“This just proves how much I love you, shut up”

“Right, keep reading”

“I’m still not sure what it was, but I feel like apologizing because Dina told me how much you’ve been crying and how awful I made you feel-“ you got interrupted by a loud gasp

“Why would Dina told you?” She slapped her hands on her face, groaning “only fucking fake friends these days” you laughed

“Hey don’t say that! I love Dina, she’s the sweetest and I bet she also tells you all I tell her about you, you’re overreacting for something that happened three years ago”

“You speak about me with her?” You nodded

“I want you to know that I’m so fucking grateful for having someone like you in my life. For a long time you were the only one that made me laugh, the only one that made me feel happy and loved and like life was worth it. You’re the reason I keep trying” you could feel the knot of tears forming in your throat, so painful “I feel like you got mad for what I said, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I wanted you to know how I truly felt about you and us and my life. I didn’t want to lie to you, I can’t. I was hoping you could understand that I didn’t tell you that before because I was afraid of how would you react, because I care for you snd I don’t want you to get hurt just for my weakness-“

The door of the room got opened after some small knocks were heard. Everyone had got there already. You didn’t realize how long you’ve been in your room with Ellie, totally worth it though.

You just saved the letter in the box again. You’ve purposely let it in your room for Ellie to take a look of it later that day, for her to have something left from you.

You both went downstairs again, Ellie went with your friends and you went to greet each family member, having some small talk with everyone and thanking them for being here.

And the time today felt extremely fast. Maybe this was the first birthday you’ve properly enjoyed, maybe you were excited or anxious, maybe it was the calm you’ve felt for the first time in years, maybe-

“I wanna eat the cake already, can’t you hurry them?” Ellie’s hands positioned around your waist, hugging you from behind and pulling you closer to her. You could see her pretty face resting on your shoulder, staring at you.

“You smell like gummies” you smiled without even realizing, now looking at Ellie. Her lips pressed in yours, the sour and sweet flavor invading your tongue “I ate gummies”.

“There’s tons of food El, why don’t you just eat something that’s not candy? Instead of asking for cake that by the way you won’t get to eat” she pinched your stomach slightly “why won’t I get to eat cake?” “I don’t think there’s enough for everyone

“I deserve it more than them, I’ve been with you, listening to your annoying voice every day” now you pinched her back “shut up or you really won’t get any”

“Do we really have to stay here with everyone? Your grandpa freaks me out” you chuckled “stop being rude to my family” “do we?” “let’s go outside”

And so you walked to the small garden behind your house, sitting on the cold grass with Ellie

“You seem happier this year…. do you feel happier?” you can see her toying with her fingers, staring at them to avoid eye contact “are you worried about me?” your gaze is now focused on your family, inside the house. You can see your friends almost eating each other on the closest window, it makes you laugh.

“The letter…. am I really that important to you?”

“You’re my best friend since forever el, you’re my girlfriend, why wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know, I thought I didn’t help you at all”

“You do”

You turned around again, facing Ellie. She was picking the grass. How were you supposed to leave her? How were you supposed to ever live without her?

You grabbed her face with your hands, pulling her closer for a kiss. Her lips felt just perfect for yours, her skin was so soft, her face just the right size for your hands to fit, her hair the right strength for you to feel it every time you two kissed. You couldn’t do this to her

You tried to break the kiss, but her hands moved behind your back, pulling you closer to her again and deepening the kiss. You could feel her smile trough the kiss, she’s so fucking pretty.

“I love you Ellie, I’ve always loved you, don’t ever doubt it” she laughs in confusion “I love you too” It was the third time you probably said it out loud, you really wished you would’ve told her sooner.

“I’m electric, a romantic cliché”

“Take this, I was planning on give it to you later but…. I guess it’s the right time” you looked confused at her, she was looking for something on her hoodie pockets. A rock

Maybe you should wait, just a little more, just for her.

The rock was painted with your favorite colors, it was your face. Why is she so lovely? Why can’t her love fill your heart? What’s wrong with you?

She slowly puts it on your hands, studying your face, looking for any reaction. You lean on her, hugging her as both of your bodies fall on the grass. You can’t see her but she’s definitely smiling.

“I can’t imagine a life without you Ellie, don’t ever dear to leave me” she thought you were just being romantic because of the gift, but you mean it, you hope you fin her always and forever. To hopefully have the life you won’t be able to enjoy with her this time.

Her hands rubbing your back, her nose smelling your perfume, nuzzling on your neck “I won’t, I promise”

“Let’s go for the cake, I can hear your stomach” you rest your arms on the grass, positioning each one besides Ellie’s face and giving her another kiss. Her eyes look so pretty.

The sky turns orange as you get inside the house again. You hate this part of the day because it means it’s almost over, and today specially you want everything but the day to end. You hope every smiley face in the house can forgive you for what you’re about to do, you hope they understand.

So now you’re siting in the middle of the table, with everyone you love around you as they sing happy birthday to you. Ellie is sitting besides you, taking pictures of you. And you can only thank her in a small whisper, and thank the universe in your mind for letting her have that picture as her last memory of you.

The minute the song is over everyone claps, watching you turn off the candle. You always wished for happiness, but today you’re just wishing for forgiveness. Your smile is wide, it hurts to lie to everyone there.

Before your mom cuts the cake for you as she usually did, you grab the knife and cut a big slice of cake for Ellie. “Can we open the gifts?” you ask loudly to everyone, knowing that way your parents wouldn’t make you wait more.

Everyone’s eating cake, sitting on the couches in the living room, most men in the room staring up, Ellie sitting besides you on the floor and offering you to open the gifts to “help you” but you know she’s just gossiping.

Whenever you didn’t like a gift you’d look at Ellie and she’s look back at you, like you could communicate with each other just with your eyes. She’d laugh and pass you another gift.

If you did like a gift then she’d take it from you and would stare at every detail of it. She’d separate discreetly the ones you liked from the ones you didn’t, she’d usually keep those or Insist you on selling them online.

However the more gifts you opened the more anxious you got. “Where’s your gift el?” you whispered as your mom passed you another gift, that seemed to be the last one. But it was way to small to be from Ellie “mine goes last, open that one, come on”

And so you did, it was a set of some pink pijamas, and the moment you opened them you turned your face at Ellie, she was already laughing “Shut up”

“Wait, there one more” you heard your mom speaking as she walked to the kitchen. Everyone looked at her, waiting to see what it was.

She returned with a big rectangular canvas. Did she just made a huge fucking painting for me? you thought, looking back at Ellie who seemed clearly nervous.

“I’ll give you the letter later, I didn’t want to get exposed in front of your whole family” she whispers

You take the canvas and turn it around. It was a portrait of a picture she took of you the day she asked you to date. It was so detailed, so colorful and just so right. You showed it proudly to your family. Everyone cheered Ellie and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her shy face, her cheeks covered in blush as she looked at her fingers, just as she did whenever she felt nervous. Your friends making fun of Ellie and you for being so “adorable” as you heard them say.

And the rest of the night Ellie just stood close to you, listening to everyone share all the fun memories and stories they had with you. She shared ridiculous things she’d lived with you, making you cover your face ashamed. But also making you laugh as she always did.

And you couldn’t be more grateful at the end of the day because finally, for one whole day you could finally be happy again, you didn’t felt pressured or anxious or sad or overwhelmed at all, and you were with everyone you loved. You could finally go, you were just waiting for living one happy moment in your life before you took such an important decision, and this was it. Today had been all you’ve ever wished for.

So when everyone left and your parents stayed cleaning you could only feel peacefulness overcoming your body. You went to your room and laid on your bed, Ellie was still there. She had to give you her letter and you couldn’t leave without reading it.

The big canvas was already in your room, right next to your bed. You were cuddling her as you read the letter.

“Happy birthday baby. I hope this year can be different, I hope you can get better, I hope you can be happier, and I hope I’m still here every day to see you smile more and more.

I remember starting the painting and regretting immediately because it was gonna take so long and I’m lazy as fuck. But I made it :)

I had to lie to you many times and tell you Joel needed my help with some stuff just so I could finish it, hope you didn’t get mad at it.

I’ve been noticing you off lately, but if I’m honest I’m too scared to ask. But you know you can always tell me anything, I’ll always understand and I’ll always listen, no judgment.

I’m proud of you for making it another year, and I’m the happiest person ever because I have you and I’m watching you try again and again. I know you’ll get better.

I still remember how nervous I was when I asked you to date, I can’t stop thinking about it lately, maybe it’s because of the painting? but I feel the same even after dating you for years, too cliche for you make me feel the butterflies on the stomach, a lot.

I’m glad we’ve got to grow up together, I can’t imagine this life without you. The other day you told me about this, about reincarnation and soulmates, I don’t believe on it, but if it’s real I’ll make sure I’m with you always. I promise.

I can’t wait for your birthday, I wanna see your reaction and I’m containing so much for not telling you already what it is. If you’re reading this then I didn’t regret writing you this or you found it without me noticing like you did last year, don’t do that again pls :(

Anyway, I want you to know that you’re the fucking best, the prettiest girl ever and I love you so fucking much.

Ellie :)”

She saw how you folded the letter, looking at your face for any response “I love you so fucking much too” you moved your head slightly up so you could properly kiss her. You’ve never kissed her so much in one day, you also wished you would.

She stares back at you, with those puppy eyes you love so much, and her dumb smile now a bit shiny due to the kiss.

Her hand moves to your neck, pressing your head on top of her chest. Her other hand moved to the puffy pink blanket that you had in your bed, moving it up to cover both of your bodies. Your hand moves on top of of her tattoo, caressing it softly with your thumb.

And before you realize you two fall asleep, not knowing how your life’s were about to change in less than twenty four hours.

Maybe it was the anxiety coming back but you woke up earlier than usual. You slowly removed Ellie’s arms from yours, placing them over your pillows.

You stood there for some minutes, just staring at her, at her gift next to your bed. Were you being selfish?

You slowly walked towards your desk, picking the letters and placing them on top of it so everyone could see them easily, you also placed your phone on top of them. This was it.

You hated yourself for not waiting for Ellie to leave, for making her see it and be there, but you had waited enough already.

You walked quietly and slowly to the bed, placing Ellie’s letter besides her. Then you walked to the bathroom, locking yourself in it just in case anyone woke up and went to look for you.

You regretted not taking your phone with you, maybe some music would help.

You slowly remove your clothes. You hear the water run. There’s so thoughts on your head right now.

You don’t even realize but the cuts are already there, making the blood run all over the tub and covering your body with it. Your eyes close and the only sound echoing in your ears is your own breathing.

This is nothing like what you’ve done before, this is it.

“Dear loved Ellie. El, Els

I love you so much, don’t ever forget it, don’t ever doubt it. I’m always gonna be with you and I promise, I swear that we’ll meet again. Please read this first before you do anything else. I’m probably not in bed right now, I knew you would stay, don’t panic.

Ever since you know me I’ve been sad, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I told you how I remember mas past lives when we were younger, remember? and you just laughed at me, but I want you to believe it this time. And I want you to never forget me, I want you to meet me again, in another universe where I’m happy and we can get to live anything we didn’t lived here.

I waited just for you, I tried my best, I promised myself I would only try once, and if I failed then I would take it as a signal to say, but I can’t.

Your jokes, your laugh, your pretty face, the songs you played for me with your guitar, you made me stay and try so many times, but I gave up.

I can’t live lifte this forever, and it hurts me deeply to leave you, because you don’t deserve this and I don’t want to leave, but the pain I feel every day is bigger than what I want.

It’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault actually.

You told me that whenever I could say things out loud I should write them, but never keep them just for myself, and so I’m doing it right now, hoping you, Dina, Jesse, my mom, my dad, my family, you all understand. I know you will.

I want you to find someone else to make happy, some one that’s worth your fucking amazing and pretty self, someone else that truly deserves your time and your jokes, and your songs on your guitar. Someone that stays with you forever.

I feel so ashamed, I just couldn’t say to anyone out loud how tired I felt, how badly I wanted to die. How my first and kiss though if the day was death, how exhausted I feel every day for no reason. I can’t tell you that the moment you leave I feel overwhelmed again, I feel weak and alone. I just can’t.

I also wanna thank you for being with me every time, for teaching me how to live, for not giving up on me and for being always with me.

I remember the first time we kissed, the first time we slept with each other, how shy you got after that and how much you wanted to tell me but couldn’t so I found out by reading your diary. How mad you got for me reading it but how much you thanked me once we did it. I remember every single one of our dates. I remember the first time you talked to me and I talked to you, the first time you slept and my house and the first time I slept at yours. I never forgot anything, I won’t ever forget.

I remember how you told me you wanted to go to college just so you could work and make us my dreamed house, with an art studio for both of us and a room to have many cats. How you told me that you didn’t want any kids but since you dated me you could only think of having a cute baby that looked just like me. How you got mad when I told you I wanted my last name to go first.

And I want you to live that with someone that’s really worth it.

I’m so sorry for making you stay with me for so long, for making you waist your best years of adolescence and childhood trying to cure me and my sadness. And I’m sorry I’m leaving you like this. But I know you’ll understand.

Words cannot express how much I adore you, how happy you made me, how much I’m in love with you.

Please forgive me.

I swear we’ll meet again, I swear I won’t leave you again, I swear I’ll stay.”

She woke up your parents, your dad unlocked the door. They couldn’t take it.

Now they didn’t understand. Why would you do this? Why didn’t you tell anyone? Did you ever asked for help and they didn’t notice?

Why?

Ellie was too broken to cry. She wanted to look at you but her eyes could only stay at your wrists. She could never forget.

Your parents were on their knees, unable to think, unable to move, just crying.

And so was Ellie. She couldn’t believe just a couple of hours ago she was cuddling with you and now you were gone. How did that even work? There could never exist something more terrifying that your parents sobs. Should she leave? Should she stay?

Should she even try anymore?

She felt so much anger, so much desperation and anxiety in her body. She was so shocked she couldn’t do anything else than stare.

You were gone, forever.

It’s been just a month since you died. She’s been unable to move from her bed, not wanting to eat, not wanting to sleep, feeling dead. She’s been reading your letter nonstop, over and over again, almost memorizing it already.

And your parents? Your family? They’re all broken, how could any of this even happen?

Your funeral was shocking for everyone. Everything had happened so fast, in less then a week, just right after your birthday.

Did you really had to do this?

Everyone felt so sick, for not knowing, for not saying a proper last goodbye to you, for not giving you a proper gift, for not taking enough pictures and videos of you, for not speaking to you enough that last day. For not noticing snd for not helping you.

And Ellie could only hope that she’ll meet you again as you always assured her. That all this pain will disappear eventually. That the love she feel for you would actually help her.

“Me and you were meant to be in love. I see the signs of a lifetime, you ‘til I die”

[astarion-approves]

astarion reacts to tav being betrayed by a loved one and tav getting injured during the betrayal?

Astarion x Gender Neutral Tav! - Fucking Randy Astarion first person POV - it's alright lol I can't even think of a summary for this...

Tags: More humor than angst, first person pov (Astarion), 500+ words, drabble, poor description of a fight, OOC Astarion

Summary: Honestly, I don't know what Tav saw in that human. A complete jackass, and one that would eventually get them killed.

Read here or on AO3

-------------------

The battle started just as any other. Tav ahead of us, usually sticking their nose where it didn’t belong, insulting strangers without a second thought, or even just punching someone at random for the hell of it. It was one of the things that made me approve of them so quickly. Their… ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude. I admired it. Loved it, really. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one. 

His name was Randy. Yes, Randy, if you can believe it. A human male who was tall and lanky, but not in an unattractive way— again, unfortunately for me. Somehow he had managed to woo Tav before we’d even met. The barbarian was a complete savage, encouraging Tav to make admittedly stupid decisions, drinking past his limit, and taking advantage of Tav’s kindness without them even realizing it. 

It came as no surprise when Tav spit straight into the face of someone trying to intimidate our group. Hell, I laughed in response. Watching someone wipe spit from their face in shock is never not funny. Disgusting, obviously, but hilarious nevertheless.

Shadowheart clicked her tongue and readied her weapon, Gale doing much the same but with a heavy sigh, Randy (fucking Randy, really? Seriously? Randy? RANDY?!) revealed his sword and steadied it in his hands, and my lovely self exposed my dangers— each of us ready to destroy those who stood before us. 

Tav grinned at their lover, laughing as Randy lunged forward and buried his sword into the spit covered face of the one that stood before them. A dagger would have been a better choice, but who am I to judge? Right? I was only a fucking magistrate. 

Fucker. 

Soon other’s flooded into the area, the quick murder drawing their attention to our group. Tav and Randy worked their way through the group, the rest of us picking off the rangers that tried to hide. 

A quick fight, as it usually was with our group… 

But then… something happened. 

A shot of fire, heading directly towards Tav and Randy— Shadowheart wasn’t fast enough to shield them and the pair were vulnerable against it. I heard Tav scream as Randy grabbed their shoulders and pushed them in front of himself. I could only watch as the fire flew towards them and exploded against Tav’s chest. They fell to the ground, landing on their side, no longer breathing. 

Gale cast a spell in the direction of the killer, but I wasn’t paying attention, I was running to Tav. 

They laid on the ground, their eyes open and staring into nothing, mouth hanging open as if they were still screaming from the blow. I dropped to my knees beside them, cradling their head in my lap, my hands tapping on their cheeks, words flying from my mouth but I didn’t even know what I was saying. 

“Leave them,” Randy said. “We need to keep moving.” 

I flung my dagger into his skull. 

Shadowheart began casting spells, anything they could do to bring Tav back—

But they still laid there. 

Luckily, all we had to do was carry them back to camp and Withers was able to bring them back from the dead. 

Randy we left behind. Because fuck Randy. 

And now, tonight, I’ll be making my first move on Tav. They’re still a little hurt from the betrayal, weeks later. And… they also tell us stories of their nightmares and the cool chill of death that lingers and haunts them— 

But they blush when they look at me, and that’s good enough for me. 

[arcane-vagabond]

Meet Me at the Sea: Chapter Nine

Meet Me at the Sea: Chapter Nine

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Summary: Your best friend, Bob Floyd, had insisted you join him for the summer at his family's home along the Carolina coasts. You had been hesitant at first, but ultimately agreed to his request. Now, here you were in a new town with strange locals who spoke in hushed whispers and cryptic retellings about glistening scales, glowing eyes, and haunting songs that echoed from the sea. You didn't believe them at first, but when you wake up on the beach one morning after having fallen overboard the night before, you can't help but think that maybe you hadn't imagine the strong arms and deep, green eyes of the man that had saved you.

Trigger warnings: Language, Angst, Talk of death, Talk of losing a loved one, Mentions of drinking, Talk of Magic, Character Deaths, Graphic description of a dead body. I think that's it, but let me know if I missed anything.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: This...was a doozy lol Also, if you DO NOT fill out the form below (Tag List) then you will not be tagged! As always, reblogs, comments and likes are greatly appreciated! Asks/requests are always open! 18+ ONLY!! You can find me on AO3 under arcane_vagabond where I also post my updates!

Series Masterlist || Moodboards || Playlist

The restaurant wasn’t as crowded as the other night, and you supposed that was due to the fact that it was the middle of the week. Penny was stationed behind the bar, cleaning out the glasses in between drink orders. You were cushioned between Jake and Natasha at the round table, picking at the fries left on Jake’s plate as he looked at you fondly. His arm rested on the back of the booth behind you, his fingers playing with the ends of your hair as you joked with the group.

“And then Bob over here decided that it would be a good idea to climb on top of this guy’s roof!” You grinned, earning a groan from the man in question.

“I hate this damn story,” he pouted, leaning back and running a hand over his face as the others peered over at him.

“Sweet, innocent Bobby climbed on top of some guy’s roof?” Bradley asked, leaning forward to look down the table at the blushing man.

“It wasn’t that big a deal,” Bob grumbled.

“That was the drunkest I’ve ever seen him,” you told the group. “He kept saying something about being able to fly and something else about the cannonball to end all cannonballs, but I was just so focused on getting him down that I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Oh yeah?” Bob smirked, giving you a devious look that made the smile drop from your face. “And what about the time I had to haul your ass back to your apartment because you almost went skinny dipping with the sharks?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit,” he grinned, leaning towards you. “You were crying your eyes out for twenty minutes because you thought we were hurting their feelings by going home.”

You felt your cheeks heat up as the group broke out into fits of giggles, scowling at your best friend and his smug expression. You felt Jake shift next to you, placing a soft kiss to your temple before leaning back.

“Don’t worry, Angelfish,” he winked as you looked at him. “I’m sure you didn’t hurt their feelings.”

“I’m sure they were more upset they didn’t get an easy meal,” Bradley joked. “Although, they say that humans taste like plastic.”

“They?” You questioned. “You mean the sharks?”

Bradley nodded. “Yeah, I asked them once. Said that humans taste icky.”

“I’m sorry,” you blinked, “are you trying to tell me that you can talk to sharks?”

“I wouldn’t really call it talking,” Javy amended, casting a pointed look at Bradley who shrugged. “It’s more like, we can sense the intentions.”

“Like telepathy?” You asked.

“Sort of,” Reuben nodded. “It’s kind of hard to explain. It has a lot to do with the magic.”

“Huh,” you murmured thoughtfully, glancing at Bradley. “And they told you that people taste…icky?”

“That was the general vibe, yeah,” he shrugged. “I asked them one day after I ran into a group of them and they kept avoiding me.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t just because it was you?” Nat asked with a raise of her eyebrow. “Maybe it’s just you who tastes icky.”

The rest of you burst into a fit of laughter as Bradley scowled, the noise dying down as a figure approached your table.

“Hey guys,” Cole grinned as he stopped in front of the table.

“Hey, Cole!” Mickey greeted, “what brings you by?”

“Did you wanna join us?” Reuben offered, Mickey and Javy already scootching in to make room on either side of the booth. Cole shook his head, raising his hand to stop them.

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he smiled, eyes darting to you. “I was just coming by to pick up some lunch for me and my aunt when I saw you guys, and I figured I’d say hi.”

“Saw you chatting up some of the girls at the dance the other night,” Bradley said with a wolfish grin. “See anybody that caught your eye?”

“Maybe,” Cole smirked, looking at him. “Did you guys have a good time?”

“I thought all the costumes were really amazing,” you hummed, “but I didn’t get to see much of it, unfortunately.”

“That’s a shame,” Cole murmured with a frown. “Well, hopefully you’ll get to see more of the next one here in a couple of weeks.”

“What’s that?” You asked.

“The Moonlight Masquerade,” Bob supplied with a roll of his eyes. “It’s another costume party. Everybody gathers downtown to check out the local vendors, but the actual dancing is at city hall.”

“A perfect excuse to take you dress shopping again,” Natasha grinned as you wrinkled your nose.

“Are you going to let me pay for my own dress this time?” You asked, earning a short laugh from the brunette.

“Nope!” She grinned, popping the “P.” You rolled your eyes but smiled fondly at her, turning your attention back to Cole.

“I don’t suppose your aunt will have more jewelry for me to wear?” You questioned, fingers curled around the pendant holding the black pearl that hung around your neck. You felt Jake press closer into your side, his arm moving down to encase you as Cole gave you a smirk.

“I’m sure she will.” he hummed, eyes shifting to look behind you at Jake with a knowing twinkle in his eyes. “She just got a new shipment of masks in that we’re working on putting out today. Stop by soon before they’re all gone. I’ll even give you the friends and family discount.”

“That sounds great!” You chirped, turning to give Nat an excited look. She flashed you a quick smile in return, eyes quickly looking back up at Cole in curiosity.

“I didn’t know you had that discount,” she murmured, arching a brow. Cole shrugged good-naturedly.

“We don’t, but what my aunt doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“We’ll be sure to stop by soon,” you assured him.

“It was good to see you all,” he smiled, giving a small wave before turning to collect his food from Penny. You all waved at him as he exited, turning back to your conversation.

“He’s always so nice,” you commented, earning a disgruntled hum from beside you.

“Maybe a little too nice,” Jake muttered with a frown. You raised an eyebrow at him in amusement.

“Are you jealous, crooner?” You teased, fighting the smile that threatened to overtake you. Jake scoffed, pressing his lips into a thin line as he looked at you.

“You gonna go and run off with him?”

You pretended to think about it, earning a less than amused look from the blond man sitting next to you. Finally, you shook your head, shooting him a wink. “Nah, I’ve already got great company right here.”

Jake let out a please hum this time, leaning in to place a gentle kiss to your temple, earning a gag from across the table.

“You two are gross,” Bradley frowned, wrinkling his nose at the two of you. “Let’s go before I lose my lunch.”

You sat on the blanket that did little to shield you from the sand underneath, the sun casting a golden glow over the beach as it crept towards the horizon. It was just you on the blanket, the others running around with a football in some game they had made up years ago. You grinned as you watched them, laughing when Jake’s team scored and he yelled out in victory, the whoops and hollers from his teammates joining him. You reached for a bottle of water when you noticed Bradley trotting towards you, his skin slick with sweat as he collapsed beside you. Wordlessly, you handed him the water, turning your attention back towards the game as he took a long sip, catching his breath as he did so.

“Having fun?” He grinned up at you, his sunglasses obscuring his eyes.

“Oh, most definitely,” you grinned down at him, wiggling your eyebrows. He barked out a laugh as he laid down, resting his hands on his stomach. You turned your attention back to the game as the two of you sat in silence for a few moments.

“How are you feeling about everything?” He asked, turning his head to look at you.

“About what?” You countered, arching a brow.

“You know,” he prodded, propping himself up on an elbow to get a better look at you. “The true mate stuff.”

“Oh,” you breathed, glancing back at where the others were still heavily engrossed in their game. “I’m okay with it.”

“Oh yeah?” Bradley challenged, sitting up fully now. “Somehow I don’t think you’ve really thought about it like you should.”

“And you’re suddenly an expert?” You huffed, earning a half-hearted shrug.

“It’s serious shit, Skipper. None of us want to see either of you get hurt. True mates is nothing to shrug off.”

“Look,” you sighed, “I get that it’s a big deal, okay? But why do you care so much? How could we possibly get hurt?”

Bradley was quiet for a moment, a frown tugging on his lips as he stared off into the ocean. You were about to say something when he broke the silence.

“Did you know that the house Jake and I live in used to belong to my mom and dad?”

That grabbed your attention. You had met everyone else’s parents over the course of the past few weeks, but you had yet to meet Bradley’s. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that you couldn’t recall a time when he had talked about them either.

“I didn’t know that,” you said carefully, eyeing him wearily. He gave you a tight-lipped smile before continuing.

“Yeah, it’s the house I grew up in. My dad was a sea person, you know? He, Mav, and Ice used to be best friends growing up, and he actually grew up in the house himself. He and my mom knew each other since they were babies.”

“Were they true mates?” You asked him, bringing your knees up to your chin as you listened to him.

“They were,” he nodded, and there was a profound sense of sadness rolling off of him as he spoke. “My dad used to say that he knew she was his even before he knew he was a sea person. Said everyone around them knew they were in love before they knew what that meant.”

“That sounds like a fairytale,” you murmured, and Bradley let out a humorless chuckle.

“It was, I guess. My mom was the happiest person you’d ever meet, actually,” he rasped, a sad smile tugging at the edge of his lips at whatever memories played through his head. “She always had a smile and joke for someone, and my dad always called her ‘sunshine.’ He was a great guy too, you know. He’d always help out when he could, and I remember that he was really funny.”

“Oh, Bradley,” you whispered, tears kissing at your lashes. “Can I ask what happened?”

He was quiet for another moment.

“It was a hurricane,” he breathed, emotion thick in his voice. “I was fifteen at the time, and I remember Mav and Ice coming by the house to ask for his help down at the marina. My mom told him not to go, that she had a bad feeling, but my dad could never say no when someone needed his help.”

He took a shuddering breath, a hand coming up to wipe at his eyes, pushing his sunglasses up against his forehead before taking them off and letting them drop down onto the sand.

“I stayed up with my mom that night, sitting with her as she sat on the couch, just waiting for him to come home. But then, she got up and just started pacing, clawing at her throat like she couldn’t breathe, and I tried to get her to calm down, I really did,” he sniffed, and for a moment, he was transformed back into the fifteen year old boy he was when this happened. You reached out a hand, placing it gently on one of his as he continued on. “And then she just stopped, and it was like a light went out in her eyes. Then she let out this scream. I’ll never forget the sound of it, Skipper. Not for as long as I live. It was like someone reached inside her chest and ripped her heart out. It wasn’t until Ice and Mav showed up on our doorstep that I found out what happened.”

He looked at you then, a haunted look in his honey-colored eyes.

“Turns out,” he muttered, “that my dad had been trying to help some fishermen make it to shore, but the current got away from all of them. The boat smashed up against the rocks, pinning my dad and crushing him, and because of their bond, my mom felt every second of it. She felt it when he-”

He cut himself off, pressing his lips firmly together as if afraid to speak the word aloud. You squeezed his hand gently.

“When did your mom pass?” You asked quietly. Bradley stared at you for a second before letting out a bitter sounding laugh.

“She’s not dead, Skipper,” he murmured, causing you to blink in shock.

“What?”

“No, she’s very much alive,” he sighed, drawing patterns in the sand by his feet. “But she’s never been the same, and she might as well have died for how little she’s been present since it happened.”

You balked at the bitterness in his voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he spat, “that when my dad died, the part of her that made her her did too. She hasn’t been able to utter a single word since it happened, and from that day, I was on my own. I took care of her for years because she was just this empty shell. She didn’t laugh, or smile, or love anymore. Then my grandparents, her parents, made plans to move to Florida, and they made the arrangements to take her with them. I got to keep the house and everything and invited Jake to move in with me because I couldn’t stand the thought of being there by myself. I wouldn’t.”

You didn’t even notice that you had started crying until Bradley looked up at you, grimacing as he reached up to wipe your tears away.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Skipper,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, honest. I just wanted you to know what you were getting yourself into. I want you to think about what you’re risking if you agree to all of this.”

“I know,” you sniffled, “and I appreciate you telling me all that, Bradley, I do.”

Bradley nodded silently, and you reached over to wrap him up in a hug, squeezing him tightly.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” you told him. “It sounds like they really loved each other.”

He gave you a short squeeze back. “They did.”

The sound of your friends growing closer had you shifting your focus forward just as Jake dropped down at your other side, pulling you close to place a smacking kiss to your forehead.

“Gross!” You giggled, pushing him away. “You’re all sweaty, get away from me!”

He feigned hurt as his green eyes twinkled with mischief. He reached out for you, pulling you closer and rubbing his forehead against your shoulder.

“Ah, but Angelfish,” he smirked, “I thought you’d miss me!”

“Not when you’re gross!” You shrieked, trying in vain to pull away from him. He let out a laugh as you made a disgusted face at him, the two of you dissolving into a mess of giggles.

“Is he fucking giggling?” Mickey asked Nat, giving Jake an incredulous look. “Since when does golden boy giggle?”

“Since he fell in love!” Nat sing-songed in a teasing voice, laughing as Jake flipped both of them off. You chanced a glance at Bradley only to find that he was back to his usual happy self, not a trace of the sadness that had just surrounded him. You shifted your focus back to Jake who was looking at you quizzically.

“Everything alright, Angel?”

“Just peachy, Crooner,” you smiled, pecking his cheek. He chased after you as you pulled away, placing a firm, sweet kiss to your lips. You hummed happily against him, hearing a gagging sound from off to the side.

“You two are disgusting,” Javy remarked, rolling his eyes. You pulled away from Jake to give him a knowing look.

“You’re one to talk,” you told him, smirking. The others looked back and forth between the two of you as Nat shifted nervously.

“What are you talking about?” Reuben asked, earning a half hearted shrug from you.

“Oh, nothing,” you giggled, a saccharine smile on your face as you batted your eyes innocently. “So, what’s the plan for tonight?”

You walked alongside Bob down the cool sands of the beach towards his home, the last remnants of the sun fading below the horizon.

“What did you and Bradley talk about?” He asked you, glancing at you curiously. “Seemed pretty serious.”

You didn’t answer right away, unsure as to how much Bradley had actually told the others.

“He was telling me about his parents,” you decided on. You heard Bob suck in a breath as the two of you continued walking.

“He’s never told us the whole story, you know,” Bob murmured. “All we know is that his dad died one night and his mom was never the same after that. He missed some school because of it, too. We tried to get him to talk about it once, but he just brushed us off and acted like he was okay. Eventually, we stopped pushing him to.”

“I think it still really affects him,” you said quietly. “He told me the whole story. I guess he thought I needed to hear it in order to make an informed decision about what to do.”

“And what is it you want to do, Skip?” He asked, looking over at you now. You considered his words.

“I suppose,” you hummed, “that I’m not exactly sure yet. I have a lot to think about now.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, grimacing slightly. “That’s fair.”

“How are you feeling about all of this?” You asked him, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. He rolled his eyes at you.

“You two are disgusting,” he scoffed. “Why don’t you two get a room?”

“We agreed to take it slow,” you shrugged, causing Bob to belt out a laugh as he almost tripped into the sand.

“You could have fooled all of us!” He snickered, earning a scowl from you. You punched his arm lightly, trying in vain to hold back your smile.

“You’re such a jerk sometimes,” you giggled. He swung an arm over your shoulder, pulling you close by your neck as you squawked in protest.

“Just gotta tell my best friend how it is,” he beamed. You went to respond, but let out a grunt as Bob stopped short, nearly making you trip over your own feet. The smile was gone from his face as he narrowed his eyes in confusion at something ahead of the two of you. You turned to try and see what he was looking at. Up ahead, a large lump lay amidst the sand, and the two of you pulled apart to make your way slowly up to the mysterious object.

The clouds rolled out from in front of the moon, illuminating the beach with the pale rays. Your heart stopped as the object became clear. It was a girl, that much was plain. She wore no clothing, and her skin was pale. Her torso was practically hallowed out, deep, angry claw marks etched into her bloated skin, her familiar blue eyes widened in a mixture of shock and fear. Her lips were still parted as if she had been killed mid-scream, a gaping hole in her neck that made the contents of your stomach churn.

Mandy.

Her brown hair still clung to her face from the water, and you heard Bob let out a curse beside you. That was when you heard the screaming, a panicked, high-pitched wailing echoing along the beach. Your eyes were still trained on the body in front of you, her limbs twisted in an unnatural fashion. Your hands gripped at Bob’s arm, and you felt him run a hand over your hair as the screaming continued. Shouts could be heard coming from the street, and you felt the fresh, hot tears cascading down your face as the voices grew closer. It wasn’t until Bob pulled you into his arms, cradling your head close to his chest that you realized that it was you who was screaming. Your screams died down, turning into violent sobs as you clung to Bob, unable to block out the image of Mandy lying there, even after you closed your eyes.

[spdrvyn]

second chance headcanons — MIGUEL O'HARA

SUMMARY: miguel breaks up with you out of concern for your safety, he tries to reassure himself that he did the right thing but he can't help how he yearns for your presence, your warmth, you every single day. how does he deal with it? do you two get back together?

THIS FIC CONTAINS: angst. hurt/comfort. fluff. somewhat suggestive content. pathetic miguel (for my enjoyment and yours). spider-person reader. slightly possessive miguel.

NOTES: i have nothing to say. i was possessed while i wrote this. STREAM PROMISE BY LAUFEY IT POWERED ME THROUGH THIS POST FR!!! also this is kinda long lol

× there is one leading factor as to why i think miguel would break up with you. being that he's so scared of getting comfortable, he doesn't want to overwhelm you, and get overly-attached. × he's grateful for you, he always will be but how long would that last before you'd be snatched from his careful grasp? even if your fates aligned, he was scared of even being open. that the moment he let you know of his deepest insecurities, you'd go running. × keeping a distance was just a habit that was hard to let go off, he did show he loved you but not in the ways that you needed or craved. pure physical affection wasn't enough, the tiniest gestures weren't enough, it wasn't enough. he knew that.

× which lead to the demise of your relationship, it was so utterly painful to watch his words sink in and the tears starting to breach from your waterline. he couldn't bring himself to hug you because how could he be so kind after doing something like that? × he couldn't be vulnerable, he had to be strong. keeping his emotions in check even as you said that you understood and if this is what made him happy then you'd go through with it, that you respected his wishes like the kind soul that you were and soon left. leaving him with an air of regret and yearning. × work isn't easier for him either, and that's normally the first thing on his list of suppressing his emotions. how hard he tried to conceal his shame whenever you two just happened to pass by each other in the halls of the headquarters. × you could see it too, let it not be said that you were oblivious. you had picked up on when miguel was trying to tamp down his feelings during the time of your previous relationship, and it was clear he was still trying to do it now. × if you were being completely honest with yourself, you tried doing the same since miguel was so insistent on shutting himself out, you might as well give it a shot. right? well, not really. each and every time you thought about him and no matter how hard you tried, it would spill out through sobs and long rants to your friends (to their misfortune). × you've learned to be more non-chalant about the break up, acknowledging that you couldn't really do anything about it. however, it didn't stop your heart from beating at a hundred miles an hour whenever you were within an arm's length from miguel. being alone with him certainly didn't make it better.

His voice rung in your head like a chant. Meet me in my office later, meet me in my office later, meet me in my office later. It's like he was haunting you, the sound of your own footsteps not even making it to your ears as you trudged closer and closer to his chambers.

Were you scared? Yes. Absolutely fucking terrified. However, it's not because you feared he was going to scold or yell at you, but because you've haven't been alone with him for a while.

Yes, one-on-one office meetings did happen from time to time but it's been days since your last one with him, and you certainly weren't expecting it to come so soon.

It felt darker than usual when you walked in, the platform that he normally stands on now lowered to it's fullest. You were well familiarized with his lab and it's layout, a lot has changed.

The brewing stations that he was so stern about cleaning now scattered, some stray vials even shattered on the floor. There were papers everywhere, unreadable from the dimness of the room but even from your viewpoint you could see how illegible his handwriting was when he was scribbling down on them.

Before you could observe his workspace any further, he steps down from his platform. Your eyes immediately flickering up, it unsettled you so much. Everything about this was unsettling. His eyes, you knew how to study his expression, a talent you gained from being the only person that Miguel really tolerated, but now? He was completely unreadable, like you didn't recognize him anymore.

Your gaze trails down to his chest, where it rosed and fell a lot faster than it usually did. He seemed erratic almost, you remembered when he'd come home to you in that kind of state and most of the time it would normally end in the bedroom.

Since you don't want to be caught staring at his pecs, you clear your throat and fight to make eye contact with him. "Sorry, what did you need me here for?"

Miguel looks as if he's lost in a trance for a moment, boring his eyes into yours until he snaps out of it and turns his head away - breaking the very uncomfortable exchange of eye contact.

"You got hurt during your last operation." His voice sounded hoarse, more so than usual at least. You really wondered what the hell Miguel was doing before you got in here, you were aware that he took some sort of drug to stabilize his DNA, maybe he hasn't taken his shots yet? You're too scared to ask.

"A lot of people got hurt," You begun to explain, crossing your arms and digging your fingers into your arms as to prevent yourself from stuttering. "I got a gash on my arm, but I went to the infirmary and got it fixed up so it's fine. I'm fine."

There goes that silence. That grating unbearable silence that forces you to hear every pin drop, every whir of a machine, and every distant laugh of yet another obnoxious Spider-person. Everything went quiet which made every other noise so fucking deafening, it irked you.

You wanted him to say something, to do something, to even just breathe a little louder because you knew the moment that he'd make even just a single nose that he'd get your attention right away.

Seems like you prayed a little too hard. He puts a hand on your shoulder and it sends shocks straight to your palpitating heart, he leans in close. Not close enough to have alarms blaring in your head, but he was very close.

"But you got hurt too. That's—" Suddenly, his head drops down and he stares at the floor for a few moments. You get a good view of his messy, dark brown curls before he looks back up again, before letting go of your shoulder. "Nevermind. Get out."

There goes the moment, as per usual. You huff a sigh of relief? Disappointment? You weren't quite sure, processing the emotions you just felt was a job for later, you had more pressing matters to attend to right now.

"Right, I'm sorry." You had no idea what you were apologizing for either, but it felt like you should be sorry.

× little did you know that that wouldn't be the last time you'd say sorry to miguel. you didn't consider yourself to be the most apologetic person, but with most things, miguel seemed to have unlocked that part of you as well.

× sometimes it would be over the smallest, most obscure encounters. like brushing fingers whenever you two reach for the same item in the cafeteria, whenever he drops a pen and you both try to pick it up at the same time.

× it's not like it got any better than that. whenever miguel wanted to meet up with you, this time not about you getting injured during operations (although if you did, it would consume most of the conversation) but even about the most mundane things, the meeting would end with an overwhelming silence that you'd have to break with the same pathetic "i'm sorry".

× miguel didn't know either, he thought he did but lyla has reassured him that it's just the overthinking talking and that he was worrying over it too much. even then, he still felt like it was his fault that you constantly had to apologize to him for reasons unknown. it was so pitiful, he couldn't stand seeing you like that. he'd rather die.

× this bad habit of yours didn't help either of you. every time you apologized to him, every time you looked at him, every time you spoke to him, every time you breathed in his direction, that pit of want in his stomach only continued to grow and that impulsive thought at the back of his head that tells him to just relent and beg for you back continued to grow louder and louder.

× no matter where he went, he'd be reminded of you. you were like a sticker he couldn't peel off, a tattoo that would never fade. he'd find bits and pieces of you in his home, around the city. whether it would be him scrolling past the channels late at night and coming across your favorite show, standing in front of the television in a daze as the memories come back to him before turning it off.

× or your smell would count as well. when he'd be going patrolling through the citys in the day and come across a perfume shop, it's like he has to physically restrain himself from barging inside geared in his suit just because he could smell your scent from the inside. he simply couldn't take it anymore, it's like his senses were going haywire.

× he needed you. he was going to fix this.

Miguel had never looked in the mirror more times in his life than now.

"Come on, Miguel. I'm sure you look fine! See? Look at that cute face," Lyla cooed in mock affection as Miguel scowled at her through the reflection of the mirror. "Not so cute anymore."

He ignored her comments, running his hand through his thick hair in a poor attempt in trying to getit to fall down in a more 'attractive' way (according to Lyla's fashion articles) but it just didn't seem to work. That's the downside of having consistently styled hair, Miguel huffs and rubs the bridge of his nose.

"Do I have everything?" He looks back up as Lyla flickers over to his kitchen counter, scanning the items on it through her careful gaze and heart-shaped sunglasses. Once she's done, she gives him a small thumbs-up. "Donuts and flowers are still here like they were fifteen minutes ago, Miguel."

He hated the fact that he kept checking his presents were going to disappear if he looked away for too long or stopped paying attention, he wasn't going to let his gifts for you slip out of his fingers this time. Not on his watch. Not toda—

"These flowers will wilt if you don't hurry up."

"Fine, fine. Stop rushing me."

With a few clicks of his watch, that same blinding portal opened up in front of him as he hesitantly walked into it. He clutched the flowers and donuts in an iron grip, trying to make sure no flowers flew out of the bouquet and all twelve donuts were still contained in the box.

He stood in the dimly lit hallway of your apartment, doors lining up on each side. The nerves were starting to creep up on him, very clear from the way that the paper that wrapped the bouquet so nicely was now crumpled. He sighed, dejected.

"You're going to do fine, Miguel." Lyla interjected.

"You don't know that," He begins taking very, very small strides towards your apartment door which made Lyla's virtual eyeballs roll to the back of her head. "We both won't know for sure unless you try, besides I sense that I'll be going offline soon."

"You don't have intuition. You're an artificial intelligence."

"You're going to kiss your soon-to-be in five minutes lover with that mouth?" Miguel followed the routine of angrily swatting Lyla away even as he's about to show up to your door, about to pour his whole heart out to you, though it's inevitable. She'll find a way to be witty about something, he'll get mad and tell her to leave, before coming back to grovel. There's a bit of pattern in that, no?

All the anxiety that Miguel has been trying to push down to the dark crevices of his heart were all coming back to him as he raised a shaking finger to ring your doorbell, countless scenarios rushing through his head. What if this was the wrong door? What if you were sleeping and he rudely interrupted you? What if you weren't home? What if you were dead? Oh, he hated that thought.

The door to your apartment swung open to his surprise, and the fingers he had clasped around the flowers soon unclenched when he caught the sight of you.

You were wearing just a shirt, a really big shirt. Which only really meant that it belonged to him, he recalled letting you borrow his clothes if he ever accidentally tore through them in the 'heat' of the moment. Where you'd promise that you'd return it in a week or so, but it never made it's way back to him, and he has grown more than content with that prospect.

He could catch a whiff of your apartment. It reeked of instant ramen packets, and it seemed like you opened more than one. He could catch a peek at the rest of your space as well, it was dimly lit and the TV is paused. The bowl of ramen sat comfortably on the coffee table in front of the couch, there were also a lot of crumpled up tissues littered across the surface which made him assume you were literally just crying.

His suspicions were confirmed when he finally looked at your face. Eyes a little red, slighly puffy, and droplets of water hanging from your chin like you'd just washed your face. Your normally well-kept hair was a mess, and every detail of you in the moment made Miguel's heart drum loudly in his chest.

"Miguel," At last, you spoke. Voice raspier than he remembered it. "You— why are you here? If this is about work then my watch is in my bedroom, I'm sorry if I didn't answer your calls."

Yes, of course because him standing in your doorway with a wonderful bouquet of flowers and your favorite donuts definitely meant that he was here to talk about business. He shook his head, "No, I'm not here for work. Not at all."

He bestowed the gifts to you, and no matter how confused you are right now, you still gladly took them in your hands. The way that you looked up at him was an apology within itself, but you couldn't even manage to whisper the words out because what were you going to apologize for when he brought you all of this?

Oh, god. He was really going to do this, wasn't he?

"Mi sol," He got down on his knees. He got down on his knees, you wanted to gasp but it's like Miguel sucked the words straight out of your body. "I'm so sorry. I really am."

The hundreds of apologies that you dished out over the span of a few weeks could even compare how to raw Miguel's voice sounded right now. It felt so real, so true, and he's barely even said anything yet. You felt terrible that all you could really do in the moment was stare, eyes widened and expression dumbfounded.

"I broke your heart, I hurt you. You poured your heart out to me, talked about your feelings, put your trust in me, and I broke it. You don't have to believe me when I say this, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, but I was scared, fucking terrified at the thought of you leaving. You were just so perfect, so amazing on the inside and out, and I didn't want to lose that, lose you."

Miguel had no idea what was even coming out of his mouth right now, no rhyme or reason behind his words, but he didn't care. He wanted to turn off his mind for the moment, letting his heart speak for itself like he should have done eons ago.

"But," Shakily, he reached his hand out for yours. You quickly shifted the box of confectionaries to your other hand, letting him hold onto you like you were his lifeline. Like you are his lifeline. "Those are just my reasons, take them as you will. Please trust me when I say that I want to be a better lover, a better person for you. It's all you deserved, and it's all I want to give to you."

He peppers a few small kisses to your knuckles before continuing to speak, "Lo siento, cariño. I know that this is all might sound so— so idiotic, I'm not good with words. I took you for granted and discarded you, and for my ignorance, you can be mad at me for the rest of my life, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing you didn't receive any closure. Even if you don't forgive me, I just wanted to let you know that I truly am sorry. All the logic, all the facts, I'll put them aside for you. You are all that matters to me now."

The whole world went silent as Miguel squeezed his eyes shut, not even his super-human senses could pick up any background noise. You hadn't pulled your hand back yet so he continued to brush his thumb over your knuckes and veins, but he couldn't tell if it's because you were shocked or you were stunned from utter joy.

He feels his heart drop when he hears you whimper.

His eyes fly open, and he looks back up at you. Shit, you were crying again. You were crying again, and it was his fault. Although who was to say that you weren't already crying before he got here?

The hand he wrapped around yours tightened gently in a soothing gesture, but it only seemed to make you sob harder which increased his guilt. Was his apology that bad?

"You are such a liar," Shit. Maybe he should have dignified that suggestion from Lyla telling him to write this down first. "You can't just— just say all of that shit and then tell me you're bad with words."

Wait, what? Clear confusion was well written on his face from the way that his brows knitted together.

Your hand broke free from his grasp to move up his arm, his shoulder, before smoothing over his hair, tucking back the stray strands that have fallen on his face so that you can lean forward, and kiss his forehead. Even if the kiss was so small, it felt so heavenly.

Your kisses moved down to the bridge of his nose, then finally landing on his lips, the lips that you've only dreamt of kissing and now the past month of desire felt like it was slowly being satiated. Your eyes flutter close as you can feel Miguel stand up, his strong arms move to wrap around your waist, nearly lifting you off of the floor as the kiss deepens.

His hands wandered the expanse of your back, like he was trying to revise every inch of you, but you didn't blame him. Both of you needed this so much and so badly too. Every rub and soft groan spoke a hundred utterances of I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.

He barely pulls back once the kiss ends, faces barely inches away from each other. You find yourself entranced in the delightful shade of red that his eyes are, you'd catch yourself bashfully staring at them before, but now? You were more than shameless about it.

"Let me inside," whispered Miguel, voice low and husky, only laced with want and need. You knew exactly what he needed. "Want to make it all up to you, please."

You couldn't do anything about it as you obliged, grabbing Miguel by the collar of his jacket, and tugging him inside your apartment. Not even a few steps in, he grabs the flowers and donuts from your grasp, sets them down on the coffee table, before pushing your body against the couch. You yelped a little, but he silenced it by capturing your lips in yet another searing kiss that you couldn't help but lean into.

All the physical affection that Miguel had given you last time didn't disappoint at all, but this just felt entirely different. His actions were saying just as much as his words, leaning his frame into yours and hungrily pressing you into the cushions.

You thought that he'd at least give you a second to breathe but he stole that from you once more as his lips travelled down, kissing along the outline of your jaw then moving down to your neck. His favorite spot, he remembered every single mark and bruise that he left on you, and he was going to make anew.

The familiar feeling of sharpness as his fangs nibbled at the flesh, you didn't even have to look down to see the marks forming and blooming in a lovely shade of red as he continued to bite.

It's not like you were any better than him though. Needy and pathetic whines that slipped out of your mouth, just a continuous string of please Miguel, need you, missed you so much, I want you so bad. It all only continued to spur him on, he murmured sweet nothings both in Spanish and English against your neck as his advances moved its way down your figure.

His rough, calloused hands had a firm grip on you, daring to slip under the hem of your shirt— no, his shirt. "Can't believe I let go of all of this," He rasped out. "Eres tan bueno conmigo, you're being so good. Letting me get a taste of you," He fed into his impulses, lifting your shirt up to expose most of your torso besides your chest.

Your nails dug into his back, free hand tangling in his locks as he continued to press more wet kisses onto your belly, then to your abdomen. As to tease you, he instead went to your thighs. His claws scraped against the plumpness of it before he took a big bite.

You keened, the hand that you had nuzzled in his hair tightened.

"Miguel, please—"

"I know, I know. Just wait a little longer, hm?"

With every peck, every coo, every single breath that he took, it all spoke the same meaning to you.

I want you.

I need you.

I love you.

request rules here, masterlist here

[galatially]

❝𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬❞

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 / 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 / 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 — 𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 "𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧" 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭 x 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 — you called and i came, the history between us too broad to ignore; when he showed up on your doorstep five years after he disappeared in the middle of the night, logan howlett decided to clear the air

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 — 5K

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 — 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐍𝐈, 𝟏𝟖+, strong language, exes, angst, smut, soft boi™ logan, exes to tentative lovers

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 — it is time to spread the agenda of logan howlett and his influence on my brain rot for most of my nerdy life. shout out to lizzy mcalpine for making "ceilings" and having me spiral over it for a year!

also also, y'all, i know. i'm horrible at deadlines. but it's what y'all love about me lol

also also first post of 2024!

as always, lovely dividers by @firefly-graphics

Your fingers rubbed moisturizer into his skin, your fingers both light and firm. 

“You have so many scars.” He grunted in response. “When you tell me, am I going to have to set a house on fire?”

Logan laughed. “And why would you do that, bubba?”

“To defend your honor, of course.” You laid across his back to whisper in his ear, the warmth of your breath making the hairs on his body erect. “Can’t have you being the hero all the time. My shoulders are strong, too.”

“…listening? Logan? Logan!”

He blinked, his vision focusing on Ororo’s concerned gaze. 

“What’d you say?”

A soft smile graced her lips. “I asked where you were going.”

Logan hoisted his duffle bag over his shoulder. “I’ve got some business to attend to.”

Ororo hummed. “Would this have to do with a certain someone that lives in the Canadian mountainside?” He didn’t answer as he threw the bag in the back of his truck. “Do you think that’s the best thing for her right now?”

“I just want to make sure she’s okay, Munroe.”

“And then what?” Ororo crossed her arms. “What are you going to do when you see that she’s fine?”

He threw her a hard glare. “I just want to see her. Is that so fuckin’ wrong?”

Her features softened. “You had another dream about her.”

Logan turned back towards the garage. “What does it matter? I just need to see her, Munroe.”

She held her hands up. “I can’t stop you. I just worry that you’re about to uproot this woman’s life because you can’t let her go.”

He took in a sharp breath. She wasn’t wrong; he’d spent the better part of six years raking himself over the coals at how he ended things. If he allowed them, the memories of you screaming and your brown eyes red and puffy from crying haunted him more than any battle he’d ever been in. 

“Look, if you’re so hellbent on going to see her, then go. You’re an adult and you have to live with your decisions.”

He walked around to the driver’s side of his truck. “Tell our fearless leader that I’m goin’ out of town and I’ll be back when I can.”

Ororo nodded and waved, a sad smile on her lips. 

He shouldn’t fucking be here.

The second Logan crossed the border, he could think of nothing else but to get to you. Thirty-eight hours and he didn’t sleep for any of them. No, his mind’s eyes played memories of you: how soft your skin was, that fig and jasmine perfume you loved. The silken warmth of your cunt. He fucked his fist like a horny fourteen year old in that dingy hotel in BC. If he focused hard enough, he could get the tone of your voice just right — those breathy, pleading moans that you let out only for him. He could get lost in the memories, pretend that he was beside you in your bed, other people be damned. 

But that was thirty-eight hours ago. 

Now, here he was. His hands gripped the steering wheel of his truck until his knuckles went white, silently cursing himself for even showing up. He hadn’t seen you in, what? Six years? Who the hell was he to appear on your doorstep after the shit he pulled? 

His eyes scanned the forest surrounding your home. He hated that you lived so far away from immediate civilization. It took you thirty minutes to get into the nearest town for work and you essentially lived off the grid. When he’d happened upon your home that fateful October evening, he was amazed that you had a working phone, let alone Wi-Fi. Whenever you crossed his mind, he thought the worst. He used to beg you to get an apartment in the city, but you always refused. 

“I’m not ready to let get of this place just yet.” You looked up at him from drawing circles on his bare bicep. “Unless you want to give up city life and live out here with me?”

He didn’t answer; even back then, Logan knew that he was bound to hurt you. His refusal to give you more than idle pleasure was a point of contention for you both. Jean always said that he could be hard to talk to because if he wasn’t picking a fight, he was evading questions. But unlike Jean, you weren’t one to back down. When he’d divert or blatantly ignore your questions, you stood your ground. You didn’t give him the chance to distract you with sudden affection. You wanted to resolve issues as soon as they were made present. 

It’s something Logan both loved and hated about you. 

“Fuck this.” He groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face. He blew out a determined breath and opened his car door, his feet moving before he changed his mind. As he got closer to the house, he noticed the red “SOLD” sign on the lawn. His chest thrummed with…pain? Remorse? Fear?

What would he do if you left?

He was on your porch now, his heart hammering against his ribcage, fighting to get to you. He raised his hand to knock on the door as it was opening, being met with the face he’d been dreaming about for half a decade. 

Your brows were furrowed in confusion. “James.” 

His hazy memory didn’t do you justice; your eyes seemed more intense than the last time he’d seen you. You were dressed in an oversized t-shirt — eerily familiar to an old Pink Floyd shirt he thought he’d lost years ago — and shorts barely peeking out from under the hem of the shirt. Your skin smooth and begging to be touched. Your dark coils were thrown into a bun, pieces falling out in various places. You weren’t outwardly upset but you could school your features better than anyone he knew. Your body was half-facing him and half-facing the tiny hall that led to the inside of the house. There was a solemnity to your face that he didn’t recognize. 

A voice in the furthest part of his mind whispered that it was because of him. 

“Y’know you’re the only person that still calls me James?”

Your features flattened. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was just passin’ through Edmonton and ended up here .”

“You drove for three days on a whim?”

“I was on my way back from handlin’ somethin’,” he said, the familiar finality in his tone. His gaze went past your shoulders and into the darkness of your home. “Have you eaten yet?”

You blinked. “Not yet.” 

He nodded, his blue eyes back on you. “Can I come in? I’ll make you somethin’.”

You should’ve said no. Should’ve slammed the door in his face and went back to packing up the rest of your bedroom. But instead, you moved to the side and let Logan inside. He thanked you and walked inside, toeing off his shoes, and heading back towards the kitchen like he’d been doing it forever.  

You looked out at his old, rusted truck one last time before closing the door and going to the kitchen. From the tiny hallway, you could hear him humming to himself; an old song his mother used to sing to him, he’d told you once. He’d put his hair up into a bun at the top of his head, a few strands falling to frame his face. His tan skin, the same skin that had scars that even his mutation couldn’t heal, glowed under the dull glow of your kitchen light. You used to always tell him beautiful he was, but he’d wave you off in that Logan way, telling you that no one was as beautiful as you. 

You leaned up against the doorjamb. “Last I heard, you were living in New York. You teach at some fancy school?”

Logan chuckled, mincing up onions and garlic. “I wouldn’t say teach.”

“So, what, you get paid to hang out with fourteen year olds in upstate New York? Sounds kind of sketchy.”

“I teach hand to hand combat,” he glanced over at you, “the kids that I teach it to are like me. Mutants.”

You wrinkled your nose. “I never liked that word; mutants. They make you all sound like failed experiments.”

“Aren’t we?”

“No.” You crossed your arms. “Far from it.”

Logan nodded, more to himself than your declaration, and moved to face the stove. He dumped his vegetables in a small pan to cook. He reached to the left of him — muscle memory, you reasoned — and grabbed a jar of maize. “You’d like it. New York.”

“You think?”

Logan lifted a shoulder. “Be better than livin’ all alone in the mountains.”

You let out a hum. “Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

“Where you headed?”

“I don’t know yet,” your eyes dropped to your fidgeting hands, “I didn’t think that I’d be able to sell the house, actually.”

“Why did you? Sell?”

“You know why,” you said, your voice lowered to a whisper. “I held onto it for her and when she died, I didn’t want to stay.”

“‘M sorry I didn’t reach out. Your mother was a remarkable woman.”

You made a bitter sound. “Yeah, well, you’re good at leaving when the wind blows.”

He pursed his lips, turning around to turn off the stove. “You got any plates or bowls left out?”

“James, I —”

“’S fine, Y/N. Bowls?”

You blew out a breath and walked over to the cupboard beside the stove and grabbed two plates, handing them over to Logan. Your knuckles brushed up against his but you kept your eyes on the oak wood of the cupboard. 

“Thanks.”

You rushed out a hushed “you’re welcome” and moved back to stand in front of the sink. The air was tense and you had to fight the impulse to pull Logan to you and let him consume you, if only for tonight. You tightened your hands into fists, feeling the bite of your nails as they embossed your skin. 

Logan handed you a plate and walked to your tiny kitchen table in the far corner of the room. He sat in his chair: close enough to the back door and facing towards you. Where before it was to smile and regard you with tenderness, now there was unease in his eyes. 

You’d forgotten that you didn’t ask what he was making, so the spread in front of you gave you pause: it was your mother’s polenta recipe. “You remembered.” The words came out airy, surprised. 

“You’re the last thing that I’d ever forget, bubba.”

“Don’t do this, Logan.” You set your spoon down. “Just…don’t.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, either!” You pinched the bridge of your nose. You pushed your plate away and looked away from your former lover. 

What were you doing? He showed up, out of the blue, making you dinner…to do what? The question had been clawing at you the entire visit. Why now? What could Logan possibly want from you after all of these years?

Logan leaned back in the chair, the wood creaking in protest against his broad frame. You kept wanting to speak, break the tense silence, but you couldn’t find the words. Looking at him, he seemed too still. Like a marble statue molded to the chair, anchoring him to this room with you. 

“I fucked up, bubba.”

Your brows canted. “What do you mean?”

“That night…the last night that I was here, I said some things that I shouldn’t have. Made promises that I didn’t know if I could keep.” One of his large hands scrubbed down his face, his eyes still on the ceiling. “I told you that I’d leave everythin’ behind to stay.”

Your bottom lip quivered. You remembered; he’d come here that night more impassioned than usual. His hair wind-swept, his cheeks wind-whipped and red, he pulled you in for one of the most passionate kisses you’d ever had in your life. A clash of tongue and teeth against fleshy lips and curves of skin that left you a shaking mess beneath the thin sheets of your bed. You laid in his arms, running your fingers along the lines of his collarbone, when you’d asked if he’d stay. You weren’t begging, didn’t even lower your voice to a low hush to persuade him. You were as direct as you always were, determined to know where you stood in the universe that was Logan Howlett. 

“You lied.”

His eyes, darkened with sorrow, finally found yours. “I lied.”

You blinked back tears. “Why? If you knew that you weren’t going to make space for me in your life, why make me believe you would? I uprooted my life for you, Logan! I was going to sell my mother’s house and ride off with you into the sunset! And for what? For you to leave me alone?”

“I couldn’t take you with me then, Y/N. Somethin’…came up.”

“I know, Ororo told me.” Logan shot forward, his eyes wide. “She came and found me two years ago. She said that there was an incident and that you almost died. Said that you kept murmuring my name, telling them to make sure that I was safe.”

He scoffed. “Always meddlin’, that woman.”

“At least she cared enough about you to come find me.”

His jaw tightened. “You’re walkin’ a thin line, bubba.”

“Don’t fucking call me that. You don’t get to call me that anymore, Logan.” You stood up from the table and opened the back door. “Get out.”

“What?”

“Get. Out,” you hissed. “Thank you for making me dinner, but I want you to go.”

Logan crossed his arms, throwing you a hard look. “No.”

Your nostrils flared. “James, get —”

You’d forgotten how fast he was. He was out of the chair and in front of you in an instant, your next retort dying on your tongue. One of his large hands cupped your chin and the other slammed the door shut. His blue eyes roamed your face, searching for something. 

Though he towered over you, hell, he overpowered you, you didn’t back down. “I want you to leave.” 

“I’m not leavin’. Not until I say what I have to say.”

Your eyes brush along the seams of his lips, lingering, before meeting his smoldering gaze again. “Then say what you need to say and go. I’m done with this.”

Logan’s fingers gripped your chin harder, his gaze hard. “We’re not done talkin’, bubba.” There was an intensity to the nickname as it left his mouth that made your thighs clench together. He leaned in closer, his lips brushing up against yours. 

You gripped the sleeve of his flannel, your pulse fluttering in your ears. The hand that had closed the door moved to the small of your back and pushed you into his pelvis. You gasped at his hardened erection against your thigh. 

“You can yell at me, you can fuckin’ hit me if you need to.” He rested his forehead against yours. “But don’t tell me to leave. I don’t know where to go if I’m not with you.”

“You haven’t had me in years, James,” you said, roughly. You knew that he caught the desperation in your tone, your words. You tipped your head back and lifted up on tiptoe to press your lips to his. When you finally noticed that he hadn’t returned the kiss, you started to pull back, a pit growing in your stomach. 

“I’m —”

His arm tightened around your middle to keep you still. His mouth molded against yours, hungry and desperate. 

You pawed at his flannel, helping him shrug out of it. Logan cupped his hands under your thighs and lifted, wrapping your legs around his waist. You sucked a bruise along the curve where his neck and collarbone meet, relishing in the hiss he let out. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” He pulled back, his gaze intense. “I need to say this before anythin’ else happens between us.” Your brows creased. “I hurt you. I hurt you and it fuckin’ killed me, Y/N, and I’m sorry.”

Your breath caught. You didn’t know Logan enough to know his favorite color or his mother’s name, but you knew enough about him to know that he didn’t apologize. Didn’t matter if he was wrong or right, he just didn’t. But the man before you wasn’t the man you knew six years ago. Now that you were looking at him, you could see it all: the dark circles, the stiffness of his body that only came from being nervous. 

Despite your assertive nature, you didn’t hold grudges. Those types of feelings need to constantly be fed into and that was energy you couldn’t spare. Not even for men that you fell in love with too quickly.

You put your lips to his again. He mirrored your movements and carried you to your bedroom. He sucked a bruise onto the skin between your ear and shoulder, making you let out a whimper. You ground your hips against his hardened erection. 

“Fuck, honey,” he hissed. 

“I need you inside of me, James.” You nipped at his earlobe. “Please.”

He kissed you, long and hard, before helping you out of your thin shorts. His thick fingers glided through your puffy folds, a guttural groan leaving his throat. 

“You this wet for me, Y/N?”

You mewled in response, your hips moving against his digits, begging for pressure on your swollen pearl. 

He gulped, his eyes hungrily tracing over your lust-drunken expression. His cock was straining almost painfully against the denim of his jeans but he couldn’t stop staring at you. He drew the pad of his thumb along the curves of your parted lips, sucking a breath when the tip of your tongue barely swept against the skin. 

He dipped the digit between your lips, watching with rapt pleasure as you suckled and moaned around it. He groaned and curved his free hand around the base of your throat. “Such a good girl, aren’t ya?”

You shuddered. “I can be.”

“Oh, yeah?” He suckled a love bite onto your skin. “You think you can be mine tonight?”

You nodded eagerly. 

Logan chuckled and threw you over his shoulder, taking what seemed like three large steps into your bedroom and tossed you lightly onto the bed. He took hold of your face and slotted his lips over yours, licking deeply into your mouth. 

You pawed and pulled at his flannel, clumsily helping him out of it while trying to keep kissing him. He hummed against your lips and worked your thin shorts down your thighs before ripping them down the middle. The cool air against your bare cunt gave you gooseflesh. Your hands moved to work at his belt buckle as his own pulled at the shirt you wore.

“Was wonderin’ where this went.”

You chuckled. “You barely wore it.” You made a triumphant noise upon getting his pants undone and to the floor, looking up at him from beneath your thick, dark lashes. 

He wanted to devour you. One of his big paws cupped your face and he ground out, “Are you sure, bubba?”

You took his heavy cock in one of your hands, moving up and down the length of it. You smirked at his sharp breath as you eased down to your knees. Without breaking eye contact, you took him into your mouth, a low groan vibrating against your tongue. 

“Jesus,” he gripped your curls into one fist and threw his head back, “just like that, sugar.”

You hollowed your cheeks and took him deeper, the tip of your nose pressing against his pubic mound. The hand that wasn’t giving gentle squeezes to his thigh when to massage his heavy balls. 

A low groan, bordering a growl, tumbled past Logan’s lips. “You have to move, baby. ‘M dyin’.”

You moved your hand from his balls to curl around the base of him, slowly working in tandem with your mouth. You moaned around his cock, spit dribbling down the sides of your mouth. You lightly scraped your teeth along the length of him. Logan hissed and gripped the sides of your face and started fucking your face. Your eyes were rimmed red, tears streaming down your face, and yet he looked at you with the reverence reserved for altars and gods. 

“‘M cummin’…’m —”

He came in thick ropes into your mouth, his hips stuttering as he was coming down. His hands fell from the sides of your face to rest them on the tops of his thighs. 

You pushed off of Logan with a faint “pop” and sat back against your calves. Your eyes trailed up and down Logan’s frame; you’d forgotten how big he was. Broad shoulders and back, large hands, thick, corded muscles. He could sometimes be as foreboding as he looked. 

Then, post nut clarity smacked the shit out of you. 

“Shit.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, me, too.”

“No. I mean, shit like we shouldn’t have done that.” You pushed yourself onto your feet. “Where’s my shirt?”

“You mean my shirt?”

You ignored his jibe and scanned the room for the garment. One of his hands shot out and pulled you onto his lap. 

“I can smell ya, sweetheart.”

Your brows creased for a few seconds before you understood what he’d meant. You gulped, your chest rising and falling in hard pants. “Doesn’t matter, James. This was a mistake.”

His eyes — those intelligent, ever-searching eyes — darkened, a hunger in them that you hated that you missed. “Was it? What’s so wrong about two people findin’ each other again?” His thumb swept along your bottom lip. “‘M all yours to do whatever you need, baby.”

Your tongue darted out, barely pressing against his skin before his mouth claimed yours.  He eased you onto your back as his hand traversed the expanse of your torso. His hands pawed and kneaded at your breasts, rubbing and twisting your nipples into stiff peaks. Your back canted towards his touch. His mouth suckled at your right nipple, his other hand still playing at the other.

“James,” you pleaded.

“What, bubba?” He chuckled darkly. “Use your words.”

Every word that flashed in your mind died in your throat. Only incoherent pants and groans left you. Logan switched to your left breast and one of his free hands cupped your mound. Your eyes screwed shut. The rough pad of his thumb brushed up against your clit, sticky with your slick. 

“So wet and I’ve barely touched you.”

Your hips bucked and he rubbed the bundle of nerves again. Slow, tortuous swipes that sent shocks to your system and tightened your belly with need. Just before the coil snapped, his cock drove into you. Tears fell from your eyes and a choked gasp ballooned in your chest. 

“Fuck, honey, s’good.” Logan’s voice was hoarse and desperate. He fucked into you like a man possessed; his big hands gripped your hips, surely leaving bruises behind. He moved one hand to curl at the base of your throat. Vignettes of memories past played in your mind’s eye and you let out a ragged keen, moving your hips to meet his thrusts. His name passed your lips. “Yeah, baby?”

You gripped one of his forearms. “‘M close.”

Rough skin swept across your clit. “Let go for me, bubba. C’mon.”

Your back canted as a guttural moan ripped from your throat. Logan pulled you into his chest, whispering my good girl and I’m here in your ear as you came down. For a moment, it was like nothing had changed. He’d never left you behind six years ago and this was just another evening for the two of you. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you buried your face into his chest. 

“Hey.” He lifted your chin to meet his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I hate this,” your voice quivered, “I hate that you came back. I hate that I still — ” You shook your head. “We shouldn’t have done that, James.”

Logan cupped your face in his hands. “What do you want me to do? I’ll do anythin’ you ask me to, Y/N, you have to know that.”

“Do I?”

He pulled out of you and gathered you in his arms as he tucked you both into bed. His deep, even breaths reverberated up your spine. You sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. 

“I never meant to hurt you. Hurtin’ you was the last thing that I wanted to do and there’s nothin’ I could do to fix that.” He pressed his lips to the nape of your neck. “Just…talk to me. Please.”

“You broke me, Logan, do you know that? I broke all of my rules for you and it broke me. I was already grieving my mother and you made me grieve you when I never had you to begin with.”

“I know,” he rasped. 

“Do you?”

“When Storm came to visit you, she wasn’t jokin’. I almost fuckin’ died.” He ran the backs of his fingers up and down your spine, his tone faraway. “I was slippin’ away, could barely focus on anythin’ in front of me for too long. Then suddenly, your face was the only thing I saw. I could picture you so clearly, down to the micro expressions that I didn’t even realize I’d paid attention to.” He rested his chin atop your head. “I’d made sure that I never thought of you too often or I’d leave everythin’ behind to come back to you.”

“And yet, here you are.” Your voice wobbled at the end. “You broke the one rule you shouldn’t have.”

“Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken. I don’t regret showing up. Even if this is the only thing I could get, I’d fuckin’ do it all over again just to see you, bubba.”

You turned over to face him, your brown eyes hard. “Yeah, but bodies weren’t, James. You shouldn’t have to nearly die to decide that I’m worth seeing again.”

“You really love half-listenin’, don’t you?” He held your chin between his fingers, lifting your eyes to his. “I haven’t stopped thinkin’ about you since I left, Y/N. The only reason that I didn’t keep in touch was because I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to see me. Like you said, bodies weren’t meant to broken.”

“Neither were hearts,” you murmured. 

He nodded. “And would yours consider lettin’ me back in? It’s selfish to ask, I know, but I don’t want to let you go again, bubba.” 

You threaded your fingers between his. “I want to. But how will I know if you’ll stay this time, James? What’s changed in the last six years?”

Logan brought the back of your hand up to his lips. The warmth in his eyes, while not unfamiliar, made your breath catch. For a split second, you remembered that he could hear your heartbeat fluttering madly in your chest, your pulse against his forearm. 

“When do you leave for New York?”

Your brows knitted together. “I should be done packing in a few days. Why?”

He pulled one of your legs over his hip, laughing when you sucked in a breath. “We’ll go into town tomorrow, pawn all the stuff you’re not usin’ anymore, and pack up the rest in the truck. We’ll make a trip out of it.”

“And where would we go after that? I’m not living in a boarding school.”

“I have a place of my own, thank you very much,” he said, smirking, “it’s not much but it’s mine. It could use a…softer touch, I think.”

You sat up on your elbow. “Yeah?”

“‘M gettin’ old, bubba. Like, obviously not so much physically, but mentally? I’ve seen wars, watched people that I care about die. Walked away when I should’ve stayed.” He threaded his fingers through your free hand. “I’m sayin’ all this to say that, if you’ll have me, I want to stay.”

You hummed, looking down at your joined hands. If tonight proved nothing else, you and Logan were tethered each other for better or worse. There would never be a moment where you wouldn’t think of each other and that scared you. But if you knew nothing else, you knew that you loved him. You loved James Howlett. 

“Will you want to stay? I’m not about to uproot my life just for you to leave me again.”

He pulled you close, putting his forehead to yours. “The worst mistake I’ve ever done is leave you behind Y/N Y/L/N. I should’ve told you that I loved you five years ago.” You gasped. “I love you, bubba, and I regret everyday not that I never told you.”

“Say it again.”

He took your face in his hands and smiled, the peach hue of the sun warming his face. “I love you, Y/N Y/L/N. I’ve loved you for the past six years and I will never stop lovin’ you.”

Tears pooled in the corners of your eyes. You wanted him to say these words, waited for them for over half a decade. But they were…heavier than you anticipated. Though your own confession sat on your tongue, too much clung to them; the last fight you had, your mother dying shortly after and how you resented him even more for leaving you alone at a time like that. More than anything you hated that you cared about him so quickly just for him to leave. 

“You don’t have to say it back yet.” Logan smiled some. “Five years is a long time to grieve something.”

You put a hand to his cheek. “You know that I want to, though, don’t you?”

“I know,” he kissed you again, “and we’ll get you there. One day at a time.”

𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 — given the fact that i haven't written in literal months, y'all have no idea how happy i am to have churned this out. happy 2024!

[tojisun]

hyde hurts me so bad 😭😭😭

idk if this sounds weird but aww thank u lol!! idk i just like the angst and i also like writing about them too because we know the start and the ending of hwwl, and filling up the in-between is so fun! everything is a canon event in the au if i worked hard enough. that said—

there was once a time when ghost came to you.

even remembering it now makes your heart throb like it is bruised; like it is welting the way your skin blotches and turns all tender, aching, and ever so vulnerable to more pain. the memory is old, almost like it never happened, and you wonder if maybe you truly had just dreamt of it all.

if you had been so desperate for a chance and for love that you've conjured him up in your dreams; but he was just as angry then, and immensely cold to you, and you know that it was not a jump in your memory. it had happened.

why it did, you do not know, but it had.

the reality was that ghost came to you, teeth chattering and bones aching underneath the stretch of his scarred skin, and asked for a companion. the reality was that the question didn't really spill from his lips, instead what filled you up was the smell of hard liquor and the vitriol in his murmurs.

it's an aphrodisiac, he'd said. some mishap at what should have been a low-level mission of assist and delivery occurred, leaving no one unscathed. ghost had been the commanding officer; the rest of his squad were occupied by other smaller missions; you understand what that meant—johnny was not there to help.

why me? you almost asked but you took him to your quarters instead because you know a mission when you see one. and this was not something new. it needn’t be more—it was nothing more. you knew that, so you wondered why you still trembled while you peeled your shirt off your body.

he hadn't watched you while you shucked your clothes off, and you'd tried your best to look away too when it was his turn but ghost was—is—beautiful. scars and anger and everything. he was a marvel to see, his tan skin flushed a pretty pink that made you hungry, saliva gathering under your tongue because you just wanted to take a bite. a taste of ghost as he was, all yours even if it was just for a moment.

and for a cruel second, you wished that johnny wouldn't return.

you pushed the thought away just as quickly, your eyes ducking down with a quiet hiccup. shame filled you up, coiling within the webbing of your veins because how dare you think of that? how dare you—

(he was the one good thing in this fucked up relationship; the only one who ever cared. johnny was a good friend before all of these—he had loved you honestly despite the ragged yawning of his darkness; his memories haunt him still, but even then, he had taken you in with the warmest of smiles so why would you—how could you?)

the spiral of your thoughts were halted when ghost pulled you to your bed with his face rubbed off any expression. you tried studying him; tried finding the reason behind this, but he met your questioning gaze with a darkened look. heavy and weighted. he was walling himself again; pushing you away.

your skin pressed against his own, but you had never felt farther from him.

oh, you thought as he wedged himself between your thighs. this isn’t—this has no meaning to him.

your moans tumbled out with your tears, clumping your lashes together until all you were was a shaking mess on the bed, breaths hitching with every ripple of his muscles. ghost had not asked; had not wiped them away. he wasn’t—

he wasn’t even looking at you; his eyes were screwed shut, and his teeth dug into his lips to muffle the quiet grunts rumbling from the base of his throat. it was humiliating to see him blatantly use you this way and you wondered if he was thinking of johnny as he drove his cock in you; if he was reminiscing their moments, hushed and shared and intimate and void of you.

the spray of his cum made you mewl, and ghost paused to catch his breath. he didn’t pull out, his cock still hard even with his orgasm, and you pressed the back of your palms to stop the tears because you knew then that it would be a long and loveless night.

[milkywaygalaxygurl]

In Another Life - Finnick Odair

oh lord i did not mean for this fic to end so sadly and turn out so angsty, but i simply don’t think they’d ever truly get a happy ending in this situation no matter how much i wish they could:’) i really hope y’all like this

Pairing: Finnick Odair x Female!Reader

Warnings: finnick is possibly ooc?, talk of sexual trauma, talk of finnick’s past, y/n also has a bad past, probably cursing, so much angst and there is not a happy ending

Word Count: 2.37k

Description: (i suck at descriptions i’m sorry if this sucks lol) Finnick meets Y/N and thinks she’ll be just like everyone else, vying to get her hands on him and use him just like all the others. So, he puts on his ever charming smile and flirtatious personality. Y/N isn’t into his advances and walks away. They eventually discover that they’re more similar than they think, forming a friendship and eventually falling in love.

Being a young girl from the Capitol, you were no stranger to the evil that lived within the rooms of fancy homes and danced at extravagant parties. You weren’t clueless about the hands that never seemed to know boundaries, about the voices that spoke far too loudly and confidently about vile things. You had always seen it, always known about it. It wasn’t until the age of 14 when you became acutely aware of it. It was a memory you didn’t like to dwell on, but it did haunt you.

Finnick was a stranger to these “secrets” that lived within the Capitol walls before he won his games. He naively believed that all burdens, all hardships, were left behind the moment he left the districts and won his games. It wasn’t until the first time it happened that he realized he was wrong. In that moment, Finnick promised himself that he’d never be so naive again. He learned to realize who wanted to use him, taught himself to plaster on a fake smile and offer himself up on a silver platter because it made him feel as if he had some semblance of a choice about the things being done to him.

You didn’t meet Finnick until you were nearly 20 years old. By then you had learned to spot the eyes that seemed to linger for too long and hands that were eager to grab. You had also learned to fight back, you didn’t care of the repercussions and the way you were ostracized because of it. You were finally untouchable, even if it was at the cost of your reputation. You were standing along the wall at yet another fancy dinner party, one your parents had dragged you to because “You need to at least try to salvage your reputation, Y/N!”

Finnick had stumbled out of a hallway, fixing his hair and straightening his clothes, when you first saw him. You knew of Finnick, knew of his lovers that he’d seemed to have an abundance of every single time he visited the Capitol. You didn’t mean to stare at him for so long, you truly hadn’t, but even you could admit that it was hard to look away from him. You understood why everyone called him the Capitol’s pretty boy. Your staring had caused him to notice you, to plaster on a grin as he approached where you stood.

Finnick thought you were beautiful, breathtaking even, but the second he saw the way your eyes lingered he knew you would be just like the rest of the twisted people inside this house. Maybe you were interested in getting your hands on him tonight and though you couldn’t offer any valuable secrets like the woman he left in the other room, at least you were prettier than most of the women he’d allowed to use him. He made his way to you, ready to put on the show everyone loved to watch.

“I don’t believe we’ve ever met.” His voice is sultry, his eyes raking your body. As he looks into your eyes, he feels a split second of familiarity before your expression switches to one of disgust. He can’t quite seem to place why your eyes seem familiar, maybe he had seen you before and just doesn’t remember.

“Don’t act like you weren’t staring at me from across the room, pretty girl. Don’t be shy, what’s your name?” His next sentence causes you to physically recoil from him, stepping away as you ball your hands into fists.

“My name is Y/N and I am walking away from this conversation, do not follow me.” Your voice is harsh as you step back once again, swiftly turning to escape out of the nearest exit. Finnick is taken aback as he watches you leave the party, the smile wiped off of his face as his mouth hangs open slightly.

“Don’t take it to heart, that girl is practically off limits with how vehemently she hates men. I’ve been trying for years, believe me.” An old man chuckles and claps Finnick on the shoulder, causing him to turn and look at the man. He raises an eyebrow, encouraging the man to explain further.

“Only a few people have ever gotten their hands on her, whether she was willing or not.” The man laughs heartily, in a way that only someone purely evil at heart could after saying something like that. Finnick forces himself to laugh before excusing himself from the interaction, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

It wasn’t until months later that Finnick saw you again. You look just as breathtaking as you did the last time, though he couldn’t help but notice the way you surveyed the room and shied away from any man in your vicinity. He suddenly understood why your eyes seemed so distinctly familiar, they held the same look as his own when he was on the lookout for people who wished to get their hands on him. For a split second, he was jealous that you had the privilege to fight back and say no.

He never had that choice, the ever present threat of what Snow would do haunting his every decision. Without realizing it, Finnick had began to walk towards you. By the time he stood in front of you, all jealousy of your privilege had dissipated. He simply was angry at the Capitol for making either of you go through these things. It takes you a second to realize he’s standing in front of you, but the second you do your body goes rigid.

Finnick is quickly spitting out a sentence before you have the chance to walk away, not wanting you to be scared of him. “I’m sorry for our last interaction, I shouldn’t have acted like that. Can we have a do-over, one where I don’t make a complete ass of myself?”

You look shocked by his apology, something that causes a harsh pain to stab through Finnick’s heart. Though he can tell your guard is still up, you seem willing to listen to him.

“My name is Finnick, it’s nice to meet you.” He holds his hand out to you, hoping with everything in him that you’d take it. You stare at him for a second before sighing, reaching out to shake his hand.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you as well.” Your smile is timid, almost scared, as you take your hand away from his. You didn’t know what this man’s intentions were, but he seemed to be kinder than most about his evil intentions if he had any.

“I apologize again for our last interaction, I’m a little too used to everyone wanting me.” He smiles sheepishly, almost sadly, as he looks at you. Everything clicks in your head when you see that smile, suddenly understanding the boy who stands before you. Your heart aches, your stomach turning as you are forced to wonder the horrors they put him through after he won the games.

You realize suddenly that you are simply two different examples of what sexual abuse does to a person. Finnick sees it all click in your head, the way your eyes become sad with understanding and seeing the walls you built so high crumble. He’s scared for a moment that you’ll turn away again, repulsed by him.

“Would you like to go for a walk with me, Finnick?” Your voice is soft as you speak, as if you’re scared to speak too loudly and scare him away. He nods instead of answering verbally, simply holding his arm out for you to take. Other partygoers watch the exchange, whispering amongst themselves as they watch you leave with Finnick.

The walk begins with the exchange of traumas, things neither of you have ever talked about to another living soul. You both shed tears, offer words of comfort, do anything to hold each other together as you stroll along the dark streets of the Capitol. Eventually, you find yourself walking him to your home. When you’ve both settled into the couch, you suddenly take in the fact that you have never felt so safe with anyone before. Your heart leaps, your eyes welling with tears again.

Finnick notices, reaching a hand out to grab your own. You are struck with the realization that he is the only man to have touched you without the intention to hurt you, to abuse you. This only brings on more tears as you chuckle.

“These aren’t sad tears, I don’t quite understand why I’m crying.” You sniffle, giggling again as you wipe your nose with the sleeve of your dress.

“You’re the first person who’s ever treated me like a human being and it’s causing me to feel a lot of things.” You laugh again and Finnick chuckles sadly beside you, rubbing the back of your hand softly with his thumb.

“If it’s any consolation, you’re the first Capitol citizen to make me feel like I matter for more than what I can do in bed.” You both giggle, neither of you quite understanding why it is funny but laughing nonetheless. You’d learned over the years that laughing about the pain made it slightly more bearable.

“Gosh, look at us.” You guys fall into a fit of laughter again, both of you wiping away tears when you finally calm down. After a beat of silence, the conversation picks back up. You move on to lighter subjects, talking about interests and hobbies. By the time the sun is rising outside your window, you consider Finnick one of your best friends.

“I go back to District 4 today.” He says softly, watching as the sun slowly peaks over a tall building.

“I’d say I can’t wait for you to visit again but I’d feel bad saying that.” Your comment makes Finnick smile, shaking his head.

“I’ll say it then, I can’t wait to come back and visit you. Even if it means I have to play into Snow’s games, at least I’ll see you at the end of it all.” You lunge at him in that moment, holding him tightly.

“Thank you, for seeing me as a human and letting me know I’m not alone in this awful place. I wish I could help you.” You say it softly as you embrace him, trying not to cry before you finish speaking.

“You don’t have to thank me for being a decent human being, sweetheart.” His hold on you tightens, his heart fluttering in his chest.

After arranging to keep in touch through calls, he kisses your forehead and leaves to go back to his home in District 4. You spend months calling and seeing each other in person when possible, the love between you growing with every conversation and every visit. It was nearly a year now since you’d met Finnick and you could confidently say that you were in love with him. He was unlike anyone you’d ever met before, his charm and humor making it hard to not fall for him. He was so intelligent, so loving despite the horrors he’d witnessed and experienced.

Finnick had known since the first night that he was going to fall in love with you, but he had never expected it to be so deeply. You were a beautiful soul inside and out, he admired your resilience and your strength to stay true to yourself no matter the expectations the Capitol pushed on you. You never failed to amaze him with the way you carried yourself so confidently and how you fought to stay pure hearted amongst the evil that festered within the Capitol. Finnick found himself wishing even more that he could escape the clutches of Snow, to be able to be with you properly and to love you without having to continue to exploit himself for secrets.

It was a visit just like any other when you had confessed to Finnick, your hands fidgety and your face red as you told him how deeply you love every single part of him. He swore he had never felt happier in that moment, but it only lasted as long as he let himself live within the delusion that he could properly be with you.

“I love you with every single part of my being, but this just wouldn’t work. Snow would never let me be with you, he’ll never let me out of his grasp. If I’m tied down then it will be harder for me to gain secrets for him, to get some of these women to sleep with me. I want this, I want us, I really really do. It’s just not possible.” His eyes well with tears as he speaks, his voice wobbly and his hands shaking as he reaches out to hold your own.

“My dad is a high ranking official, he knows all of these people you get secrets from. What if..What if we were able to convince President Snow that you could still gather secrets without having to sleep with these women? You’d be marrying into a high ranking family, you’d have access to these people’s home and their whole lives. I would even help you. I would do anything to be with you Finnick.” You squeeze his hands, trying not to cry as you see a tear streak down his cheek.

“I don’t know, Y/N. Snow isn’t exactly the bargaining type and I don’t want him to hurt you or your family.” He looks at you sadly, his heart breaking into pieces at the thought that he may never escape and get to love you like he wants. A sob escapes your throat, the sound strangled and painful, as you accept that this will never end the way you want.

“I wish we could have met in a different time and place, as different people,” Your voice is strained, another painful noise escaping your throat as you shake with the force of it. “I think I’d fall in love with you in every lifetime, if there are others after this one.”

A sob escapes Finnick’s own throat as he pulls you into his lap, holding you tightly. “I hope there are, Y/N. I hope in at least one we get our happy ending.”

[its-tin]

My shot at @abbeyofcyn’s CTIYS!

Fun fact this is actually my first time ever doing something like this (or even posting art in general) and I might have gone a bit overboard with it. I coloured it twice because I had two ideas wanted to try both. My finger needs rest and I can’t fathom that Ibis is telling me that I spent 16-nearly-17 hours on this lol. But! I’m happy I did. This was so much fun to do! I only recently started with digital art and I decided to try and do new things with this. Who knew shading could be so enjoyable? I also found it very entertaining to try and shove as many small details as I can into this (an example being in the first one, Donnie’s bags (?) actually being Leo’s (he has them in the show :] ) that he *cough* borrowed to store interesting things he finds in the apocalypse).

ANYWAYS ENOUGH YAPPING HERE IT IS!

First one (what I call my normal attempt): “Gold”

(I actually forgot that his mechanical arm is green too and only realised it when I was late into the second one lol) I wanted to emphasise with the colours that they are still in the apocalypse, but it’s but brighter with those you care for. They’re the most valuable thing in the world, and hence, Gold! I also wanted to try doing a golden hour scene and MAN did I struggle. But, I’m proud of it :)

Small trigger warning! The next one contains a bit of blood and implied death.

Second one (Angst tehe): “Hollow peace”

(MY QUALITY NOOOOO-) This was actually my first thought on the CTIYS before I changed my mind and started on the other. I had the thought that maybe Leo “failed”, losing them in some recent battle and now is just chilling with their ghosts and ow that hurts saying aloud. They stumble upon a new area, and it’s so peaceful and beautiful, but Leo can’t enjoy it. He wouldn’t even know how to. He can’t remember how to feel, how to think beyond ‘survive’. He’s failed everyone and everything. He cries without knowing for what. He’s a husk caring for the hauntings of his kids, they’re the only thing keeping him alive. And as long as they’re still here, still smiling at him despite him being a monster and failing them, he still has a purpose. He will live on.

Wow I talk a lot. Anyways go follow @abbeyofcyn they’re super cool and post amazing art. They inspire me so much on so many different levels and I am very happy to be able to do this. Rad person with stunning fanart and stories.

(Incredible line art done by @abbeyofcyn (sorry I’ve tagged you thrice in one post))

And here’s the link to the Original Post if you want to try yourself! I recommend, but you do you. :D

Thanks for listening to my rambles and have a lovely rest of your day/night! :]

[morgana-larkin]

Alright peeps! So I took a look at the poll and saw that most of you wanted the second part of 'Don't Call Me That' the most so here it is! There's everything in this one, heartbreak, angst, smut and fluff. A bit of a rollercoaster so good luck!

On another note: I'm working on part 4 of 'Mine' as that was the second most voted on. I also realise the poll is still open for another 4 hours but idc, you can still vote though!

Part 1

Don't Call Me That - Part 2

Warnings: Smut, angst, lots of fluff (Not in that specific order lol), happy ending

Words: 4.2k

Melissa didn’t get any sleep last night. Everytime she closed her eyes, all she imagined was you kissing her, and nothing was on her mind except the thought of you saying you love her. You still love her, even after her breaking up with you.

Melissa walked into Abbott a little earlier, she needed extra caffeine considering she got 0 hours of sleep last night. She barely survived the day, not only from lack of sleep, but seeing you multiple times, and everytime all she thinks about is your lips on hers.

The next day she barely got any sleep, about 2 hours. The next day was the same. She thought that at least it was Friday and she could sleep in on Saturday. On Friday, everyone can clearly see the bags under her eyes as they’ve darkened over the week, and the way she can barely stay awake. Melissa thinks that it’s good her students have a test to do today and a book report coming up, and a couple other things she can get them to do instead of teaching.

At the end of the day, you go to walk to your car and you pass by Melissa’s classroom and you can see her asleep at her desk. You walk in and you see there’s no one else there, so you walk over to her and shake her a bit. “Melissa?” you say and she groans but doesn’t wake. “Melissa!” You just about yell and she opens her eyes but doesn’t move her head. You kneel down to her level and look at her. “Hey, saw you sleeping, you ok?” you ask her and she looks at you with the saddest eyes you’ve ever seen.

“Am I dreaming?” she asks you and you tilt your head.

“What makes you think you’re dreaming?” you ask her.

“Because you’re here, you wouldn’t talk to me otherwise. If I was awake then you would just avoid me because I’m an idiot.” she says and you look down and sigh.

“Ok, come on. I’ll drive you home and then you can continue dreaming ok?” you tell her and help guide her up from her chair. You take her purse with you and help guide her to your car, as well as buckle herself in as she didn’t have the strength to do it herself. “Why have you been so tired this week?” You ask as you get in the driver’s seat and start the car.

“Because I’m being haunted by my stupidity.” She says and you snort, you then back out of the parking spot and pull out of the parking lot.

“What stupidity have you done?” You ask her.

“Breaking up with my girlfriend, Y/n.” She tells you and you then realise she has no idea where she is and might still think she’s dreaming. You know you probably shouldn’t but this might be your chance to figure out what’s really going on with her.

“Why was that a stupid decision?”

“Because I still love her so much. All I think about when I try to sleep is her kissing me or her saying she loves me. I can’t do this anymore, I need her.” She says and a few tears slip. “I’ve barely slept these past 4 days, I probably got no more than 8 hours of sleep combined. I’ve barely eaten as well. I broke up with her 3 months ago and I was still able to sleep and eat, I don’t know what changed.” She says and you think about it, you should probably help her out.

“Do you feel guilty all of a sudden?” And she lets out an airy laugh.

“I’ve felt guilty ever since I thought I should break up with her?”

“Ok, so not that then. What about the fact that she told you she loves you?” You ask her and she doesn’t say anything. “Maybe you thought her feelings for you would disappear when you broke up with her cause you thought that she would just find someone else?” You tell her and she still doesn’t say anything. You thought maybe she fell asleep so you glance over at her and she’s still awake. “Melissa?” You say and she looks up at you. “Did you really break up with me because you thought I should be with someone else?” You ask her and she sighs.

“Ya.” she says and takes a deep breath. “I was holding you back from everything you’ve wanted so I let you go so I wouldn’t be in the way because I love you and I want you to be happy, even if I had to watch someone else make you happy and give you what you want.” she tells you and her eyes slowly close and she falls asleep.

The rest of the car ride, you think about what she said. You’re honestly surprised by what she said. She thought she was doing something selfless for you, but instead just ended up hurting you both, she never meant to hurt you so much. And now you see the toll it’s taken on her to stick to her decision to try and make you happy. She’s willing to sacrifice her happiness for yours, you never thought anyone would do that for you.

As soon as you pull into her driveway, you gently wake her up. “Come on Melissa, you’re home, we should gotta get you to your bed and you can sleep comfortably, ok?” You tell her and she nods. She unbuckles herself but can’t open the door fully so you do that for her. You unlock her door with her key and you help bring her inside. You set her keys and purse at the door and you close and lock her door while she attempts to take her shoes off. You end up helping her with her shoes when she falls down and you help her back up and to her room. She falls on the bed when you get there and then you tuck her in, you go to leave after but she grabs your arm and you turn to face her.

“Will you stay with me?” She asks softly and you sigh.

“Ok, but only until you fall asleep.” You tell her and she nods. You get on the bed but stay on the covers instead of under and she wraps an arm around you. You admit that you do miss this and you miss her and her craziness. You turn around to face her and she’s still awake and looking at you.

“I do want you back, y/n.” She tells you and strokes your hair.

“What’s stopping you?” You ask her and she yawns and is slowly closing her eyes.

“The fact that you won’t be happy with me.” She says and falls asleep. You stay looking at her stunned and go over everything she’s told you, thinking that you weren’t you or she was dreaming. You then slowly crawl out from her hold on you and you replace it with a pillow so she doesn’t wake up.

A few hours later Melissa wakes up. She opens her eyes and realises she’s in her bed and has no idea what happened this week that well as she’s been so tired that the whole week has been a blur. She looks at her phone and sees that it’s 5:43pm and it’s Friday. She gets out of bed and hears some noises downstairs, she then grabs her bat and carefully goes downstairs. She gets to the middle of the stair when she sees you on the couch watching tv and she tilts her head and stares for a few seconds. She then continues down the stairs and you look over at her and chuckle.

“Were you planning on hitting me with a bat? You were friendlier when you were falling in and out of consciousness.” You tease her and she looks confused. “Do you remember anything from the end of the day to how you got home?” You ask her and she stares at you then shakes her head. “I found you asleep at your desk and then I drove you home. If you want I can drive you to the school parking lot to get your car and then go home.” You tell her, you don’t want to scare her if what she said while on the verge of sleep was true.

“You drove me home?” She tells you and you nod. “W-why?”

“Because I want to make sure you didn’t fall asleep at the wheel or stay at school overnight.” You simply say. “I bet you’re hungry since you also haven’t been eating, so I made you some mac n’ cheese.” You tell her and you go and get it.

“How do you know I haven’t been eating?” She asks when you reappear with a bowl.

“Cause you told me.” You tell her when you hand it to her and sit back on the couch. “Come sit.” You say as you pat the couch cushion.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone that.” She tells you as she obeys and goes to sit beside you on the couch.

“Wow you really don’t remember anything you told me.” You say and she freezes as she was about to take a bite.

“What do you mean?” She asks and takes a bite of the food.

“I mean we had a whole conversation while you kept falling asleep. In your classroom, my car and here, at your house.”

“What did I tell you?” She asks and prepares for the worst.

“Now I don’t want you to get freaked out ok? Cause you had no idea where you were or who I really was.” You tell her and that makes her feel worse.

“Y/n. What did I tell you.”

“You told me that you still love and miss me and you want me back.” You say and her eyes go wide. “You also told me the whole reason you let me go.” You add and she drops her fork. “And why you haven’t been sleeping, and you confessed that you’ve also barely ate in the past 4 days.” You finish and she’s just staring at you. After about 10 seconds she gets up and walks to the kitchen with her mac n’ cheese and you follow after her. She puts the bowl on the counter without much thought and she puts her hands in her hair. “Melissa?” You say to get her attention and she turns around looking scared and concerned. “What’s going on with you?”

“With me? It’s the fact that you weren’t supposed to know anything that I told you.” She tells you and she’s breathing hard like she’s on the verge of either a breakdown or lots of tears.

“Why? Because I’m just supposed to be happy with someone else as you suffer?” You tell her.

“YES!” She shouts and then looks surprised when she catches up with what you told her and what she confessed. “Since I already told you then I might as well say it. All those things that you want, you won’t get with me. But you will with someone else, someone else who wants to get married, have a family with you, wants to go out and be young and stupid with you. I don’t want those things anymore, and yes I do love you very much and do want you back. But I’m willing to put aside my happiness, if it means you get everything you want.” She tells you and you burst into tears, she immediately wraps her arms around you and hugs you. Your knees buckle and she guides you both to the floor gently and she keeps her arms around you the whole time. When you get to the floor, you place your head on her chest and she brings a hand to your head and strokes it soothingly.

You slow your crying down and sniffle a few times before you speak. “I don’t deserve you. You’re willing to give me everything at the expense of your own happiness. I really don’t deserve you.” You tell her.

“No, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you. You have been the bestest friend to me for 2 years before we got together, and after we got together you have shown me the best of love and care that I could ever ask for.” She tells you, and you look up at her and immediately kiss her. She automatically kisses you back before she has time to think. Once her brain catches up to what she’s doing, she doesn’t have the willpower to pull away, she used it all trying to stay away from you. Before she can register what she’s doing, she leans forward, bringing you back until you hit the floor of the kitchen. You make out on the kitchen floor for a good minute until you both pull away for air and you look at each other. Melissa suddenly is aware of what she did and she gets up before you could stop her and she scurries to the living room, you run after her.

“Melissa, would you stop running away from me!” You tell her and she’s turned away from you with her head down.

“You should leave y/n.” Is all she says and you walk up to her and spin her around.

“If you want me to leave then tell me while looking at me.” You say and she raises her eyes to your face and she’s crying.

“I can’t.” She says and you put your hands on her cheeks and wipe the tears away.

“Melissa, I want to be with you. If being with you means that I don’t get married, have kids or go to the bar every now and then with you then so be it. Because I’m only wanting to marry the right person, and that person is you. So if I’m with you or not, I’m not getting married. I don’t need kids to feel fulfilled, or to be able to say I have a family. I mean we can always get a pet like a dog, but you’re all the family I need. And I can go to the bars with my friends and be young and stupid with them from time to time if I really want.” You tell her and she starts crying even more.

“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything just to be with me.”

“Melissa, it’s not a sacrifice if what I’m getting is a life with you.” You tell her and you kiss her. Melissa immediately pulls back and looks at you, her hands on your head.

“Are you sure? You have to be 100% sure y/n.” She tells you and you think it over for all of 2 seconds and you nod your head.

“I’m 100% sure, I want to be with you Melissa.” You tell her and she smiles.

“I want to be with you too.” She says and this time she goes to kiss you. The kiss deepens and you start putting your hands all over her and you think you want to touch her skin and she’s wearing too much clothes, so you put your hands under her shirt. Melissa immediately pulls her shirt off so you can touch her and you unclip her bra and take it off. She’s always been the dominant one but at this moment, all you want to do is kiss her all over, so you walk forward until her back hits a wall and you go down to her neck and kiss and suck all over and she’s gasping under you. You then travel down to her chest and leave kisses all over until you attach your mouth to her nipples and start to suck and lick them. 

She’s bucking her hips under you and you know she’s not far away from pulling all her clothes off herself and guiding you inside of her. You’re working on her second nipple when she pushes you off and guides you to your knees. You go immediately into submissive like always and you pull her pants and underwear off. Melissa leans back against the wall and spreads her legs a little further so you can put your mouth there.

You attach your mouth to her clit and she starts bucking her hips right away and you pin her to the wall. Her hands go to your hair and she’s gasping and moaning at your touch. “Oh god, Y/n, that feels so good baby.” She says and when you know she’s getting close, you pull away and stand up. You push your body into hers and immediately insert two fingers in her and put your thumb on her clit. “God Y/N, I missed you so much.” She says and kisses you. She’s so close as she starts shaking but she doesn’t pull away from your lips like she usually does, you aren’t complaining though, you missed her as well and you’re enjoying kissing her again.

She comes not long after she starts shaking but you don’t stop, you keep fingering her and circling her clit and she lets out a high pitched gasp. “Oh god baby, yes, omg, don’t stop.” She says as she pulls away from your lips and gives into the over sensitivity.

She comes again not too long after the first and then you withdraw your fingers and put them in your mouth to lick them. She looks at you as you lick your fingers and you moan and that’s when she takes action. She picks you up and brings you to the couch, you’re so glad that she decided to remove the plastic as this wouldn’t be comfortable. She put you so you’re sitting in the middle with your back resting on the back of the couch. She starts kissing and sucking your neck and pulls your shirt off. She unclips your bra and yanks it off  right after then immediately brings her mouth to a nipple. You’re moaning and gasping under her and she smiles as she’s so happy that she’s back with you, she’s fully aware of how lucky she is right now and she won’t take it for granted. She takes more time on your nipples then she usually does and your patience is running thin as you’re dripping wet and you have a strong ache between your legs. 

“Melissa, please, I need you inside of me, please.” You tell her and she pulls back from your chest and smiles at you. She gives a quick kiss on your lips then leaves a trail of kisses from your chest all the way to the top of your pants. She quickly removes your pants and underwear, spreads your legs, leaves a few kisses on each thigh and then attaches her mouth to your entrance. You gasp as soon as her hot wet tongue is where you need her the most and she starts moving her tongue all over your entrance before entering her tongue in you. You moan as she starts sliding her tongue in and out of you and you're holding onto her hair for dear life. You start grinding into her mouth to try and get more friction so you can come and for once she lets you keep doing it, normally she would pin you down when you start grinding. Even in the middle of amazing pleasure, that fact is not lost on you, you notice it immediately then start to think of everything else she’s done differently. 

She kept kissing you when she was about to come and even when she came, when she usually pulls away as you love to hear her when she comes. She let you keep fingering her after she came and it seemed like she needed it as well, she only lets you make her come once as she usually ends up grinding your thigh when fingering you as she loves to watch you and it turns her on. She spent more time on your nipples then she usually does, to the point that you begged her to continue, and now letting you grind against her mouth. You put it all together and came to the conclusion, she’s letting you do whatever you want and making sure you feel good as she feels guilty. You reluctantly pull her mouth away and she looks at you confused,

“What is it baby?” She asks and her lips and chin is covered in your juices.

“Stop doing things differently, you don’t have to feel guilty ok. I feel really special about why you did what you did. No one has ever been willing to sacrifice their own happiness for mine.” You tell her and she smiles shyly.

“Of course, I’d do anything for you.” She tells you and you lean in closer to her.

“Then stop fucking me differently and start being yourself again.” You tell her and something flickers in her eyes before she pushes your head back to lean on the back of the couch then dives down to your clit and starts licking and sucking on it. Your fingers are still in her hair and you start grinding against her again, but this time she does pin your hips down. Then she does something she’s never done before, she snakes her hands around your hips and hooks her hands on your ass then pulls you up a bit and that gives her a perfect angle with your clit and you gasp her name out as you come.

She then immediately comes up and positions herself so her clit is on your thigh and she slides a finger in you and you moan as she starts sliding it in and out of you slowly. She then adds two more fingers and starts going faster while her thumb is on your clit and she brings her mouth near your ear.

“Unfortunately the strap is upstairs and I don’t have the patience to go get it, so we’ll have to make do with my fingers.” she says then adds a fourth and you cry out.

“OH MY GOD!!” You cry out as she fills you up with her fingers then her mouth goes to your neck and so much pleasure is coursing through you right now and you feel like moving but her grinding on your thigh is preventing you from doing that. So you do something else that will help stabilise you, you put your hands on her boobs and squeeze them. You don’t feel like that’s enough so you wrap an arm around her back and pull her into you more.

“Ooo” She says as she’s caught off guard by your actions. You come again about 5 seconds later and she doesn’t stop, she just keeps going until you come again and again and then you pull her away.

“Melissa, I can’t take anymore.” You tell her and she nods and gently pulls each finger out at a time. 

“Sorry I got lost in the moment.” She tells you and you smile but your body is shaking from the amount of times you came. She notices and then goes to your side and brings you both to lay down while she cuddles you to give your body the chance to calm down. You turn around in her arms then nuzzle your head on her neck and chest and she holds you tighter. “It’s ok baby, I got you, and I don’t plan on going anywhere again.” She tells you and you only nod as you’re falling asleep. She notices that you fell asleep and she gently strokes your hair. “I promise I won’t leave you again.” She whispers to you. “I won’t make that mistake again.” She says and presses a kiss to your forehead.

*3 years later*

You and Melissa are both standing in front of the house as you unlock it then Melissa grabs your waist before you walk in and she pushes the door open.

“What are you doing Mel?” You ask her as you’re smiling at her and she smiles at you.

“Well shouldn’t I carry my bride across the threshold?” She asks you and then picks you up bridal style and you let out a small squeal and then she carries you inside then gently puts you down. She wraps her arms around your waist and you lean into her touch and she puts lays her chin on your shoulder. You both then hold out your left hands and smile at the ring on both your third finger.

Melissa kisses your neck and then your puppy comes running in and Kristen Marie running after her. You and Melissa decided to adopt a little puppy a few months ago and you both are really happy with your lives now. Melissa re-thought her decision about getting married and proposed to you a year and a half ago, much to your surprise. Then you both agreed on adopting a dog and Melissa named her Bella. Kristen Marie takes Bella out one more time before leaving her with you guys. 

“Are you still alright with the fact that we got married?” You ask her.

“Oh, it’s more than alright baby. Cause I got to marry you, my happily ever after.” She tells you and you both kiss.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

@imaginesmultifandoms

@idonothingalldays-blog

@sexysapphicshopowner

@dvrkhcld

@lilfartbox1

@ricejucie

@unicorniusfallapatorius

Let me know if you want to be added!

[vechter]

Top 5 Dick and Bruce moments or things

it's gotta be what faith tells dick in JLA (1997) #73

just the implications of it all. how bruce recognizes he hurts people, whether its criminals or the people who have chosen to love him. but still. still. he is immensely and immeasurably proud of dick. he can never say it, he wouldn't know how to even begin to tell dick how much dick means to him. also the crazy thing- we all know dick is insane about bruce and how endlessly devoted he is to him. but bruce is equally insane about him in his own neurotic way. he puts dick on a pedestal (he is right to) but just how fucked up of him. bonus scene from the obsidian run (#76) that always makes me grin:

2. this one is from robin: year one (2000) #4

so bruce fired dick after two face nearly beat him to death with a bat and dick ran away and managed to end up joining a league of assassins vengeance school under this dude named shrike. i won't bore you with even more plot but something about this panel just kills me. they're both so lonely and desperate for each other's partnership. bruce knows he miscalculated firing dick even if it was for dick's safety- dick isn't going to stop being a vigilante just bc batman said so (bruce u fucking idiot) and i think this instance of firing, while glossed over later in favour of the whole two-face of it all did sth that changed their dynamic fundamentally and irrevocably. it is probably the catapult for all of dick's future doubts and insecurities about his role and place in bruce's life. meanwhile, bruce giving dick agency in what he wants to do next- he needs dick just as much as dick needs robin. it's incredibly sad because i think there is a part of bruce that believes dick is only coming back to be robin, a doubt furthered when dick eventually forms the titans and loses all semblance of a life outside the mask.

3. this one is from outsiders: five of a kind - nightwing/boomerang (2007)

basically, dick decided to hand over the outsiders to batman and this is owen boomerang, the son of the guy who killed tim's dad. this is post-adoption so dick is more secure in his role as bruce's son. and just sth about how dick won't stand for people criticizing bruce, even when he might be thinking unfavourably of bruce. bc he can do that. but other people? no dice. also the added angst from owen talking about his own dad and his own version of legacy. i like to think dick probably felt some type of way about owen yelling out 'he was my father' bc while dick probably hasn't ever verbalized that, he has probably felt similarly.

4. batman (1940) #636

bruce brooding over the past. little does he know his second son is back and ready to haunt him literally instead of metaphorically lol. but anyway, this always makes me froth at the mouth. both bruce and dick have a tendency to look back on those years very, very positively and something about how nostalgia warps your memories but also how much of it is nostalgia and how much is truth? bruce is forever living in the past. @nighhtwing summarizes one of bruce's core truths in their fic Hereditary beautifully: Bruce has lived with grief longer than he’s lived without. It’s easy, then, to mourn this moment even as it’s in front of him, alive.

5. basically all of the comic batman/nightwing: bloodborne (2002). one of the most stellar pieces of bruce and dick writing. the art's a little funky but the story is fantastic. the devotion dick has. it's debilitating, it could kill him. it should have (thinking about the blast dick took for bruce in infinite crisis and how it was supposed to have killed him). the same toxin and anti-toxin runs through their veins. something about the intimacy and inherent religious imagery and nature of sharing blood. but it isn't even a cursory thought to dick. of course he will put himself in death's way if it means being able to save bruce. dick's biggest fear: being unable to save bruce like bruce saved him all those years ago. the way it all takes place on the anniversary of his parents' death. fantastic, killer, devastating show-stopping even.