#because alcoholism slowly creeping up on you simply because it's become a habit is no joke

[rocksalt-and-pie]

1 + 19 🌺

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette/drinking alcohol?

Yeah I mean I guess if I HAD to but as long as I don't need to I'll gladly have that occasional cigarette/drink when I get the chance 🤷‍♀️

[fusrodie]

friends, meet Sweetroll! (lots of facts about her below the cut)

her name isn’t actually Sweetroll, but she has no idea what her name is, where she came from, or what she used to do; she woke up in an island full of falmer and without a single actual person

she doesn’t know if she lost her memory or if she simply had never seen the outside world, and she can’t figure it out; she feels like she’s learning most things for the first time

she remembers many practical things - how to pull a bowstring, how to wack and hack someone with a waraxe, how to skin a rabbit -, but cannot for the life of her remember anything factual: she did not remember races of men or mer, did not remember the name of most animals and creatures, and only figured out magic was a thing by accident;

she still remembers how to read and write, and becomes obsessed with books after she reads the first one

she can’t tell if she learns fast from books because she is actually a fast learner or if the books trigger her memories

she theorizes she’s a nord, but no one can seem to confirm it because she’s a head shorter than the usual nord but too tall to be an imperial

she had hoped that, once she reached the mainland, she’d be able to tell herself apart from others, and some of her features would help her identify where she’s from or who she is; unfortunately for her, she finds out she’s actually a pretty Generic Woman

develops this obsession for ruins, nordic in particular. she keeps hearing she looks like a nord, so it makes perfect sense that she would be able to find some trace of her family history in one of the tombs

while on the island, she finds and tames a wild horse, and is incredibly happy that she remembers it is called a “horse”. thus, she names it Horse, the horse

she named herself “Sweetroll” after reaching Solitude and hanging out with Blaise, the kid in the stables. he is the first person to whom she admits she cannot remember her name, and he tells her that is actually really cool, because she can pick a name for herself. he tells her if he was in her place, he’d choose a name based on something he really liked, and she really, really likes sweet rolls

she has no idea the absurdity of naming herself Sweetroll, and because of that she takes absolutely no shit from anyone trying to mock her. if anything, she’ll stare at you like you’re the weird one

oh, on the topic of sweet rolls: she has a massive sweet tooth

after reading so many academic and history books in the island, she became quite “scientific” in her note taking. she writes down all of her new experiences and findings

she is terrified of losing her memory again, which is why she keeps her journals on her always. she also does not drink any kind of alcohol, nor does she do any kind of drug, for fear that those were the things that caused her to lose her memory in the first place

she developed early on the bad habit of trying to experiment everything. she bit into septims when she first saw them because she had no idea what they were for, and in true baby fashion, she tried to eat them

the first time she found a bottle of wine, she downed it all in one go and passed out. when she came to, she was butt naked at the top of an ancient dwemer watchtower, with no memory whatsoever of what she had done the night prior

not having learned her lesson, she found a bottle on a dead falmer while exploring dwemer ruins, and also downed it all in one go. it was poison, and put her out of comission for a good few days. she’s still not sure how she survived, considering that she had no knowledge of healing magic and had not yet learned how to brew health potions. since then, she does not drink anything that she didn’t make herself

having to relearn how to use money was pretty difficult, and she doesn’t fully understand it yet. she rarely buys weapons or armor, but will 100% blow all of her cash on books

she accepts all requests for tiny favors, all bounties and all stupid fetch quests. she gets to them in her own time, because really, the whole point of it is to give her a reason to find more places to explore and study

she seems to have a talent for magic, particularly destruction, but prefers to rely on her bow and axe. I might transition her into a pure mage or spellsword further down the line, but for now she’s just a boring sneak archer

in her quest to know... basically all that there is to know, she hoards books, alchemical ingredients and crafting supplies. she loots all equipment she finds, studies it, then melts it all down and studies it some more

she is slowly learning/relearning concepts such as “private property” and the mind-boggling “flirting”. she doesn’t understand flirting in particular, as a breton dude came up to her with massive heart eyes and straight up told her she looked like a corpse. most people who told her that did it out of concern or disgust, but him? whatever it was, it made her very uncomfortable

on the topic of corpses, she is terrified of necromancers and hates undead with a passion. she doesn’t know why, they just give her the creeps

she finds it easier to get along with children, as they don’t usually try to be condescending to her and answer her questions to the best of their abilities

horses are her favorite animal, and if anyone so much as touches Horse, there will be blood

she is a meat eater, but she’s not too fond of eating domesticated animals in general. she’s okay with hunting and eating game, but she feels like raising the animal only to eat it later is a massive backstab. at least wild animals know that life is dangerous and that if they don’t run they’ll eventually be preyed upon by something smarter than them. she’s okay with that, finds it fair

she reads about Hermaeus Mora in a book and becomes very interested in contacting him, so maybe he can restore her memory or give her a clue on where to start looking

[areeta9]

Hear me out: FGO, but with a late bloomer master

So I don’t know why this came to mind but I like the story potential of a master oc that hasn’t hit puberty by the time the Grand Order starts but does as time goes on. For the sake of avoiding the incredible awkwardness a female master  would go through in Chaldea because they went from “a bra is not necessary” to “There is not a single shirt in existence that fully conceals my tits”, I’ll talk about my ideas for a male master.

So in the beginning, Mash finds a an elementary schooler asleep on the floor of Chaldea’s hallway. She wonders if a staff member somehow brought their kid, but notice’s that he’s wearing Chaldea’s master uniform. She wakes them up, they head to the orientation, the master falls asleep again, and Olga wonders why the hell there’s a child. He gets sent away but finds Romani is his room. Romani is like “Hey there little guy,” wondering why there’s a twelve year old here. He offers him his cake, which he accepts before corrects the doctor by telling him he’s 17, and one of the masters. It’s hard getting a regular part time job when you look the way he does, so he applied to Chaldea and got accepted.

Crap goes down just like in the game and the master and Mash come back from Fuyuki. The master starts summoning servants and every single time, any servant that comes through wonders why the hell were they summoned by a child. Nobody believes the master about his age until Da Vinci looks through his files and confirms it.

Life for the master is a struggle. He’s 4′9 and both the staff members and his servant habitually treat him like a child and often have a hard time taking him seriously. Because he has the physique of a grade schooler, he can’t lift anything heavy nor can he reach anything up high and often needs others help. The more mischevious servant bully him by putting his stuff on the top shelf and watching him struggle. Other servants have gotten into the habit of picking him up or just generally invading his personal space.

He has been trapped in a female servant’s marshmellow hell more times than he can count. He also has been forced into a lot of lap pillows. He has been forced to run from Medea when she wanted to use him as a dress up doll. Musashi was ecstatic when she was first summoned by him. Atalante get pissy when he stays up past 10. Nobody lets him drink coffee, let alone alcohol. Jack doesn’t even call him “Mommy”.

He forms a strong friendship with Hans because of their similar struggles of looking younger than they actually are.

At first he resisted and complained about this, but after awhile, he just gave up and went with it. He was used to this treatment back home, it wasn’t any different here, However, when he gets frustrated with his servants’ treatment of him, he has taken to hiding from them for a couple of hours and boy is he a hide and seek king. He can fit his tiny body in just about any corner of Chaldea and has become an expert at creeping around unoticed. Multiple times, the servants have had to have a caster scry where he was to find him.

Now, if things are really like this in Late Bloomer’s Chaldea, how do they have so many servants loyal to them? Two reasons:

Protective Instinct

His Hyper-Competence

Have you ever had the overwhelming feeling that you wanted to protect something or someone? That you just couldn’t leave them alone? That if you weren’t there to look out for them they’d get killed? That’s how a lot of the older servants feel about Master. The very sight of them evokes a parental/big sister/big brother instinct in them that they simply could not ignore. 

This child is the one left save humanity? This one? He’s adorable, but how old is he? He can’t even reach the top shelf and you expect him to defeat demon pillars? Am I leaving then? Hell no! Like hell I’m leaving them to do this by themselves! They’ll get killed!

Perhaps it could even be said that some of them allowed themselves to be summoned because of this instinct. Raikou came in one ticket after all.

It’s a strange sight to see Mash call the “elementary schooler” Senpai.

However, allies and enemies alike are often caught off guard by his competence. The master has lived most of his teenage lives being underestimated for their looks, to compensate for this, they got good. They absorb information like a sponge and put it to practical use just as quickly. He once asked Robin and Geronimo to teach him how to trap animals. After one lesson, he caught, skinned, and cooked rabbits with no issue. The same thing happened when he asked Cu to take him fishing. They soon became proficient in first aid, riding, and climbing. His commands in battle became more confident as learned more about his servants abilities and developed better tactics. The enemy never expected the shota master to ignite explosives in the encampment by firing a flaming arrow with precise aim.

However, after Okeanos, Emiya and some other servants notice that their master is eating a lot more. They wonder where all that food is going as their master is a skinny little kid. In the following months and singularities they find out.

Their master hits a growth spurt. It starts off small. Master can no longer fit into some of his old hiding places. Then he starts hitting his head against low edges while in singularities because he’s never had to duck before. Then come the wardrobe malfunctions. He moves one way too fast and tears his clothes. He stops needing help to carrying stuff as his muscles grow. Slowly, his perspective on his servants change. He is no longer looking up at many of them. His female servants are now eye level with him but they will become lower as he grows closer to his male servants’ heights.

Despite all this, the master is so used to being small that he lacks awareness of the changes. He suddenly takes up more space, he’s bumping into everything, and his clothes don’t fit the same. This is where his male servants step in and show that they are truly his bros. It’s Lord El-Melloi that explains what’s happening to him. He relates to the issue because the same thing happened to him when he was 19. Romani redoes his measurements and gets him better fitting mystic codes. The others make a point to warn him of low cielings so that he doesn’t develop a concussion and help him avoid bumping into things.

By time the Grand Order is completed and they’re dealing with the Remnants, the late bloomer master has grown a whole foot taller. They’re 5′9, but that’s not all. Their features are more chiseled and because of their time travelling through singularities and regular visits to Chaldea’s gym, they are shredded. 

Musashi and Atalante mourn the loss of his shota appearance. He overhears this and asks, with puppy dog eyes, if they don’t like him anymore. The look on his face draws huge blushes onto their faces. They eye say no before they hurriedly excuse themselves.

And thus was the struggle of every young female servants in Chaldea. When the master looked like a little boy, they had cuddled and coddled him without a care but now that he looked like, like that, many were having trouble even looking him in the eye.

The Master was used to his servants invading his personal space, so oblivious to their newfound struggle, he found himself in theirs. Where in the past, hugs, handholding, lap pillows, reception of forehead kisses, napping together, and grooming each other’s hair was acceptable, suddenly many of the female servants would blush furiously or refuse whenever the master requested them or just took them like he used to. Servants who had only known the master in his more adult appearance were less prone to this.

Mash of course, suffered the worse. She first realized her adorable little senpai was now a SENPAI when he ran about without a shirt on when they were trapped on a deserted island. Now she couldn’t even imagine helping him dry his hair or even hugging him like she used too. Every time they accidentally touched, she’d be unable to speak.

The master remained oblivious to this until one day, it sharply came to a head. Excited, he had leaned in too close while speaking to Jalter and the servant, blushing and embarassed, smacked him across the face impulsively before yelling at him and stalking away.

He looked like a kicked puppy, holding his stinging cheek when he approached Da Vinci and Mash about the situation. He didn’t seem to get along with many of his female servants anymore. Had he done something wrong? 

Mash blushes. Da Vinci laughs and tells him he looks a lot different than how he used to. Let’s just say puberty hit him like a truck.

Confused, he asks one of the male servants. They say he’s turned into a good looking guy.

He returns to his room and looks in the mirror. He calls Kiyohime, who crawls out from under his bed.

“Am I hot?” he asks.

“You’re just realizing this now?” she replies.

Sorry this was so long

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

L O V E B O U N D

“Christmasbound II”

My loves, as promised, here is part two of our favourite 3 xx Enjoy!

“Are you okay?“ He asks quietly, not really a whisper, not really a real sound coming from his lips. He’s still out of breath, nervously buttons up his white shirt. He looks at her through the dark classroom, notices how she nervously tries to fix the curly bun in her neck, her hands obviously still shaky from before. She doesn’t look at him, the only thing he notices is her breathing. She’s rattled up. To say the least.

“What time is it?“ She breathes out, starts to search desperately for her lipstick in her little leather clutch. She’s shocked from the scene that happened in this room a few minutes ago. He knows that. Joe sighs, slowly steps closer to her again after putting on the jacket that is part his suit once more. It’s still dark in this room, only the light from the hallway shining through the little glass panel at the door. He carefully places his hand on her back and she doesn’t move, still looks for her lipstick to fix the mess on her mouth.

“We have to..“

“It was nice. Beautiful, to say the least.“ He suddenly mouths into her hair, his lips on the same familiar spot on her bangs again, breathing out warm air while mumbling these words into her hair. She doesn’t move, doesn’t push him away. She just holds onto her handbag as if she was holding onto her life. She closes her eyes, feels his lips on her hair and his big hands around her body. Old butterflies in her tummy start to move again. Long forgotten feelings creep back up once more. She feels tears coming into her eyes and the stinging pain, the one that once turned her numb.

“I’m so glad you got jealous..“ He whispers and Taylor swallows. She suddenly escapes from his arms, pushes him away from her. It was harsh. It was sudden. Joe looks at her walking to the door, turning on the bright lights. He blinks a few times, then looks at her once more. Her red lipstick is still visible on her full lips, even though it has faded. She looks terrified. He can see only now that she has tears in her eyes.

“What..“

“This was a mistake. This will never happen again. I had too much alcohol and these past two days just confused me a lot and..“

“So you used me.“ He says, leaves Taylor with a surprised look on her face. Never ever has he accused her of something like this after being intimate with her. She swallows. He looks so hurt. His hair is still a bit messy from her hands. His lips still blushed and swollen from all these kisses a few minutes ago. What did she do. What did she just do.

“I didn’t..“

“You dragged me into this room, told me to fuck you, then made me jealous as I was hesitating. And now you tell me that this was a one time thing and..“

“I didn’t use you, goddamn. I had a weak moment. I shouldn’t have asked you to..to sleep with me. In a school. In our daughter’s school. God, I can’t believe I..“

“Me neither.“ He just mumbles, closes the jacket of his suit quietly. She swallows. He’s hurt. He apparently interpreted her actions differently than she expected.

“Don’t act like all of this is my fault.“ She suddenly hisses, feels the hurt turn into anger once more. It’s something she never did in her life before. Taylor always tried to remain true and fair to the people around her. Joe is the only person she knows who could ever make her heart hurt so much that the only way to put up with these painful feelings is to turn them into anger. Into hate.

“You seemed to enjoy it as well. There are always two people involved in something like this. Why did you do it If you didn’t..“

“I did it because I love you.“ He then answers and looks at her. Taylor swallows again, is proud herself for getting her watery eyes to stop. She can’t believe that this is the third time today that he has said this. She can’t believe he has the guts to simply stand there and tell her that he loves her. All over again. After everything that’s been. And everything that hasn’t been.

“I slept with you because I missed you and I love you and.. we have a child together. Goddamn, this is not just a fling for me.“ He ends his sentence, obviously angry and hurt at the same time. Taylor doesn’t know what to say, just uncomfortably crosses her arms. She can’t look into his eyes anymore.

“What are you doing?“ She asks, as he walks down to the door again, quickly unlocks it before turning around to her once more.

“Eleanor’s show begins in five minutes. Don’t wanna be late.“ He answers, doesn’t look at her. She just simply grabs her clutch, follows him outside and into the big hallway once more. They both quickly walk down the empty hallway. Most parents must be in the corridor already, definitely more on time than these two parents who got distracted elsewhere.

Taylor peers into his direction. He’s quiet. Too quiet for her taste. She feels horrible. She seduced him, yes. But he wanted this. He wanted to be intimate with her just as much. It’s true that it was a mistake to fall back into hold habits. But it was consent. They both made this mistake.

“I’m sorry.“ She suddenly whispers, can’t control her mouth. The hallway is silent, nothing else but her high heels on the floor and the distant noises from the corridor audible. She blushes as soon as she has realized how gentle her voice has just gotten while walking next to him. Joe turns his head to look at her. He still looks sad and hurt. His blue eyes look empty and the corners of his mouth hang down. She remembers that look. It still pains her.

“I know. Me, too.“ He answers, doesn’t say much more. She knows it. So does he.

As soon as they sneak into the full school’s corridor, Joe rushes to the side of the crowded room, walks up to the front row. The curtains are still closed. Luckily they didn’t miss anything. It takes less than two minutes in the full and loud room to spot them. She swallows. Elizabeth and Richard.

The second they spot Joe and Taylor is the second that Elizabeth shakes her head, clearly not pleased about the fact that they’re almost too late to their daughter’s first theatre performance in school.

“Where have you two been?“ She whispers to her son, her brows furred together while wearing her best costume. Richard seems to be more relaxed, sits there and waits for his granddaughter’s play to start, not even really aware of the fact that Taylor and Joe have just joined them on the seats next to them.

“Sorry, mum.“ Joe whispers, sits down. Taylor and Elizabeth share one look. A horribly cool breeze rushes over her. It’s crazy how different this has become. Elizabeth used to be Taylor’s second mother. And now she treats her like a stranger. No hugs anymore. No handshakes. Just a cold nod. Taylor knows that her leaving Elizabeth’s son has made her angry. After all, she can’t blame him. It’s her who left. It’s her who destroyed this family, in Elizabeth’s world.

It’s her who took Eleanor from Joe.

It’s all on her.

Taylor sits down next to Joe, takes a deep breath. She’s still shaky from before. She still feels horrible. Sleeping with her child’s father was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Everything that was complicated enough is now even more difficult. Her efforts to not act upon any feelings seem to have failed. The nice little speech she held him this morning seems ironic: “And unless you do, none our feelings are relevant here“ - apparently feelings such as lust or jealousy were, in fact, relevant enough to let him touch her in a classroom of this school. She can’t believe it. 

Her eyes wander across the corridor. Many parents are are waiting next to them just as nervous for they are. Suddenly her eyes meet Joe’s. He smiles silently. This is about Eleanor now. This is not about what happened twenty minutes ago. She smiles lightly. He’s right. Taylor turns her head further away, suddenly meets Elizabeth’s gaze. Her eyes wander from Taylor to Joe, and back to Taylor. Suddenly Taylor realizes that she realizes. Something is going on between them. Elizabeth knows. Her sudden look gave her away. Within a couple of seconds, the lights are turned off and the spotlights are directed to the little stage. Taylor leans back and takes a deep breath. 

This is about Eleanor. This is about Eleanor.

The curtains close and the applause starts. Taylor feels how emotional she gets while clapping, just like the rest of the room. She swallows as the curtains open again and a little reindeer with a red nose and little antlers as well as ten other kids in snow costumes step out once more and take a bow. She looks at Joe and her heart beats a bit faster. He’s captivated by Eleanor, whistles a few times. She has never seen him so proud. Not when she started to walk for the first time, not when she said ’Dada‘ for the first time. This, acting, is what he lives for. This is his passion and the little girl up there seems to have a lot of talent already - something she definitely has from her father.

As soon as the play is over, all the toddlers come running down to their families. Joe turns to Taylor while waiting for their daughter. He looks emotional. His eyes are sparkling. Elizabeth and Richard look impressed as well. She’s got it in her blood, that’s for sure.

“Have you.. have you seen that? She’s a natural. I can’t.. I didn’t know.“ He says breathlessly and Taylor smiles. She’s so proud of Eleanor. Just like he is. He can’t even find the right words.

“She’s got that from you. She likes music but.. this is her thing. She’s your kid.“ She says and Joe smiles at her. Taylor can’t help but smile back because they both think the same thing in this second. They both feel the same overwhelming amount of pride running through their veins. Pure pride. Magic. We made her.

Suddenly a little blonde girl in a brown reindeer costume and with the antlers still on her head, comes running towards her family. She wears the biggest smile, everyone is cheering on her as she comes running along. Elizabeth and Richard clap immediately and smile but the little girl is directly going for her Papa. Her Papa who’s crouching on her level, and immediately lifts her up as soon as she has reached his arms.

“Eleanor, great job!“ Elizabeth and Richard smile at her. Eleanor receives a tons of kisses on her cheek from her father. She smiles proudly, doesn’t let go of him. Taylor can sense that she’s incredibly happy that he held onto his promise and came.

“Someone’s about to win an Oscar, my love.“ He says, still on Joe’s arm. Eleanor looks at him as Taylor immediately kisses her head.

“Great job, honey. I am so so proud of you.“ She laughs proudly, makes her daughter smile again as well.

“Daddy, who is Oscar?“ She asks, makes everyone laugh. Joe keeps on holding her on his arm, starts to explain the little girl what an Oscar is, as all of them slowly make their way out of the corridor. After thanking Ms. Downing for her great effort in creating this little play for the kids, all the parents are leaving. As they walk down the stairs, Eleanor still on her Papa’s arm, Taylor just awkwardly walks next to Richard and Elizabeth, the silence almost killing her inside.

Taylor quietly takes out her phone, happy that she has found something to make herself seem busy with. She hates the fact that everything has become so difficult. She hates the fact that people who she loved endlessly now walk next to her, avoid talking to her at all.

”Can we get some ice cream before we drive to grandma’s, daddy?” Taylor hears her daughter ask Joe, as they reach his car. It takes just a few seconds and Joe has unlocked his big black SUV.

”Sweetie, I have made you your favorite caramel pudding. Just for you. Also, uncle Tom and Emma will join us as well.. let’s go home, first. Okay?” Elizabeth gently pokes Eleanor’s tummy, while the toddler is still on Joe’s arm. But Eleanor just nods, looks at her mom with the same stubborn look on her face, that Eleanor had when she first laid in Taylor’s arms after she was born. Eleanor has a beautiful face, Joe’s full lips and Taylor’s cheekbones. But the little stubborn look, the immense character strength in her eyes.. this is something she has had from day one.

”Mommy, can we get ice cream?” She asks, makes Joe and Elizabeth laugh. Taylor slowly steps closer to her baby and can’t hide a laugh as well. She’s clever, that’s for sure. Taylor slowly places both of her hands on the chubby cheeks and slowly kisses the little girl’s nose a few times. Joe has definitely had a lot more Eleanor cuddles than she had in the last two days. She misses her little stubborn baby already.

”Honey, grandma made your favorite pudding for you.. mhm? That’s so much more yummy than ice cream.” She says to support Joe and his parents who clearly want to drive home now, to have a nice Christmas dinner all together. Loud laughter, good jazz music that Tom has picked out. Elizabeth’s amazing roast and Patrick’s Christmas story that he still has to read to everyone. No matter if he’s fourteen or twenty- one. He’ll always be the smallest one who has to read a Christmas story to all of them. Taylor remembers all these traditions. She had been a part of these for way too long.

”Okay..” The toddler sighs and Joe can’t help but let out a small laugh, as Eleanor leans her head onto his shoulder. He kisses her head out of reflex. Eleanor then lets Joe walk her to the backseat of the car.

”Are your parents in town?” Richard then asks Taylor and she looks at him shocked before she begins to stutter incoherently. This is the first conversation after it happened. The first time his family and her interact. Taylor feels how nervous she is, how ashamed she is. Even though she shouldn’t feel like this. Standing in the silent parking lot of this school with them is weird enough. It’s been way too long since she has last seen them. It’s been way too long since they’ve spoken last.

”Uhm, no. But they’ll be in town tomorrow afternoon. They spent a few days in Nashville with the rest of my family but.. I didn’t want to miss Eleanor’s play. So..”

”So you’re alone tonight? On Christmas Eve? And on Christmas morning? Why don’t you join us? There’s no way we’ll let you stay all alone at your house without..”

”Oh that’s so nice but I’m actually looking forward to having a few minutes of silence. It’s really not necessary..”

”No way, Taylor. Eleanor would love to spend Christmas with both of her parents and..”

”Richard, why don’t you stop interfering into Taylor and Joseph’s business? They’re separated and she certainly doesn’t want to spend the entire evening with him. Accept it please and don’t be rude.” Elizabeth suddenly interrupts her husband. Taylor swallows. Richard stands there, looks at Taylor and doesn’t say anything anymore. Elizabeth has made herself clear while helping Joe with Eleanor in the children’s seat. Taylor doesn’t know what to say, just feels a horrible amount of rejection on her chest. Elizabeth didn’t have to say it, but she has made it clear that she doesn’t want Taylor there, tonight. And it’s not like Taylor would want to be there. But the lack of Elizabeth’s warmth hits her harder than she thought it would. But what did she expect after more than a year of silence? The warm arms of her mother in law that she was used to? Certainly not after she has left her son and simply took his daughter with her.

“Have a great evening you guys.” Taylor just smiles, can’t believe that she does such a good job lying to Richard and Elizabeth who just nod at her with a forced smile. Joe then slowly looks at her as well. She can see in his eyes that he hates this. She still feels that he doesn’t want this. He doesn’t like this.

”Mommy, where are you going?” An angelic voice suddenly interrupts the silence. Taylor slowly steps up to Eleanor, who sits in the children’s seat already. She looks confused and worried, the little bun on her head messed up again. Her curly hair is so hard to be tamed.

If there is one thing that Taylor doesn’t want, then it is Eleanor to feel the tensions between them. She wants Eleanor to enjoy this night. She’s five. It’s Christmas. This is her time to make the most magical memories. Taylor puts on the brightest smile possible, leans over her in the car seat. She quickly kisses Eleanor’s lips, then presses her face into the little girl’s chubby neck before kissing her soft skin a few times. Taylor feels Eleanor’s little hand reach for her hair, feels her burry her little hand in her long blonde hair. Taylor’s heart aches. She can’t let her baby go.

”Honey, remember when I said that mommy will spend a few days with grandma Andrea and grandpa Scott at home? So that you can have two Christmases this year? Tonight you’ll have the most amazing time with daddy and grandma and grandpa and Patrick.. and then tomorrow night you’ll have another Christmas with us, okay?” She smiles, her voice clearly enthusiastic enough to make Eleanor buy this from her. But she can sense in that little frown on her face that she’s smart enough to get what is going on. There won’t be mommy tonight. Not at all.

“But I want you to eat grandma’s pudding as well, mommy..” She whines slowly, makes this even harder for Taylor.

”Honey, eat some for me as well okay? Daddy and grandma are so looking forward to spending time with you..” She says, feels Joe standing behind her, a hand on her back, signaling her to just go to not make the goodbye even harder on Eleanor.

”But I want to show you what Santa Claus has brought me, mommy..” She says, her little chin slowly trembling. Taylor feels like she can’t breath anymore. Saying goodbye to Eleanor has always been a nightmare for her. No matter if it was in Kindergarten for a few hours or now. She’s never ready to say goodbye. Especially not if her baby has teary eyes.

”My little angel..” Taylor mumbles, swallows her tears down before kissing Eleanor’s face a few times. She was positive after last night that it wouldn’t be a problem at all for the little girl to spend the night just with daddy. But it seems that Eleanor didn’t expect Taylor to leave now. She didn’t expect her to go at all.

”You can show me tomorrow. Okay?” She whispers, still half leans in Joe’s car, her hand caressing Eleanor’s face. Taylor keeps on kissing the little face, feels hot tears falling down her daughter’s cheek. This is not how this is supposed to be. This is not how it’s supposed to be at all.

”If you want you can absolutely..”

”No, no it’s fine.” Taylor interrupts Joe, kisses Eleanor one last time and smiles. She shouldn’t feel like this is a goodbye. Because it’s not.

Taylor pulls back, then looks at Joe again. He swallows. The scene between her and Eleanor has obviously touched him. He gives her this look that she knows too well.

You’re always welcome.

Taylor smiles, places her hand on his arm for a second and smiles.

I know.

She then slowly walks past Richard and Elizabeth, who then slowly make their way to their parked car that is right next to Joe’s. They don’t smile at her, they don’t look angry. It’s the same emotion that seems to be stuck on everyone’s faces nowadays. Sadness. Just a big load of sadness.

“Have a great holiday, guys.” She smiles, then quickly makes her way to the big black range rover that is waiting for her on the other side of the parking lot. She’s walking so quickly through the snow that she feels like sliding. Her hand is buried in the big pockets of her coat and her head and sunken. She can’t look at them once more. Not this time around.

“I know that look. You’re not used to so much peace in this house, huh?” Taylor smiles at her cat, who just looks completely confused at her in return. Taylor laughs before crouching down to pat Olivia again. She smiles at the slight purring coming from the cat in front of her. Olivia knows what’s up. Eleanor is gone. No toddler running around this house and pulling her tail. No little girl that has been getting all of Taylor’s attention ever since the day that she and Joe brought her home from the hospital. Olivia purrs, Taylor just laughs.

”Just like the old days, mhm dibbles? You and me and some cookies in the oven.” She mumbles to the cat, as suddenly another meow is heard. Taylor looks up, immediately sees a judging Meredith sitting on the first step of the staircase. She can’t help but laugh out loud.

”Oh, how could I forget your loving sister, dibbles?”

Taylor slowly gets up and looks into the oven. Her cookies are slowly looking golden and her favorite playlist is on. Nora Jones and Damien Rice. The kind of music she used to listen to back then when there was no Joe, no Eleanor, no children’s music, no family she was devoting her time to. Just her, a huge house and the cats.

I don’t want to change you, I don’t want to change you, I don’t want to change your mind. I just came across a manger where there is no danger, where love has eyes and is not blind…

Taylor grabs her cup of tea, slowly enters the living room and sinks down in the big arm chair that she has bought in her favorite New York antique store. She looks at the fireplace, both her hands wrapped tightly around the big cup with her favorite Christmas tea blend. How many hours has she spent in this house already. Playing mind games. Sitting on this arm chair at night, after having put Eleanor to bed. The burning fire place. Warmth coming onto her skin and seeing him. In this house. Standing in front of the tiny vintage mirror between her bookshelves. Fixing his blonde hair, the same grumpy and stubborn facial expression she so often sees in Eleanor. His singing when he jokes around with Eleanor. His loud laugh whenever his own child played him with his own joke and the way he’d look at her from the mirror to where she sits. His grey sweater and his blue eyes looking at her. His cheeky smirk. The dimples beneath his chin. The boldness in his eyes. Still looking at her like back then…

She felt guilty for playing that. She felt weak for letting it happen. She felt weak and ridiculous for spending minutes and minutes in this arm chair, imagining him still being there when he obviously wasn’t. She knows she missed him. She knows that the only explanation for what happened in this small classroom today is that she may be able to control a lot but not everything. She can’t control her mind, herself, when it comes to him. She can’t control herself from daydreaming about him and she couldn’t control her need to get close to him. Taylor sighs, takes a sip from the hot liquid in her porcelain mug.

It was a mistake. She knows it was, even though she wishes it wasn’t. She wishes that she could just believe him, trust him when he says that he will change. Believing that he really will. She trusted nobody as much as she trusted him back then. She let her walls down, let him show her that her love has never really been frozen. She believed in nothing as much as she believed in him.

In him as her husband one day. In him as her baby’s daddy.

And now here she is. Alone on Christmas Eve. Cookies in the oven, the cats next to her. Almost like back then, long before he came into her life. This is certainly not how she wanted this. Not at all.

“Baby, don’t wake her. Please. I would love to enjoy eating in peace tonight.” Taylor sighs and yells after Joe. He doesn’t answer and Taylor rolls her eyes, then looks at Elizabeth and salutes to her with a tired smile and a champagne glass full of orange juice while leaning against the kitchen counter. A candle burning, three pots boiling and one big roast in the oven. It still smells like the cinnamon cookies she has baked yesterday. That smell just won’t leave her kitchen. But it’s fine. It’s Christmas.

“You need to be more consequent, darling. If he wakes her, he can take her during dinner.” Elizabeth winks at Taylor and takes one more sip from her champagne glass. She empathetically places her hand on Taylor’s arm, looks at her tired face. Being parents to a baby is exhausting. Elizabeth knows that. And as much as she knows that her son is an excellent father - he can be strenuous at times.

“Yeah, I know. But if she’s hungry then it’s on me.” Taylor smiles quietly, then slowly gets up and turns her face towards the stove. She stirs the homemade gravy she has made today once, then checks on her potatoes.

“Why is Joe..”

“Cause he’s crazy about this little girl.” Taylor interrupts a confused Patrick who’s standing on the other side of the kitchen isle and looks at her with a confused look. Taylor laughs, was about to say something else when she suddenly notices two very familiar faces in the doorway. A happy Joe and a very sleepy baby on his arm. The little girl still has puffy eyes, obviously wasn’t ready to be woken up from her nap just now. Joe presses a few kisses onto the chubby cheeks, then holds his head against hers. Taylor can’t help but laugh quietly, Joe’s cheek against the baby’s tiny cheek almost looks humorous.

“Oh honey, what has daddy done to you..” she says and the rest of his family, who is also gathered in the kitchen, laugh at the sleepy baby too.

“It’s her first Christmas, love. We can’t let her nap through her first Christmas.” he defends himself, looks at the baby’s tired face and kisses her head one more time. It’s more than obvious to see how the little face suddenly changes and Eleanor starts crying. Taylor places her orange juice on the counter, gives Joe a look he’s used to and then slowly takes the baby from his arm.

“I know.. I know you’re hungry, honey, huh?” She mumbles into the cheek, then looks up at Joe again.

“Can you please watch the food? I’m gonna feed her upstairs.” Taylor says, holding the small human being tight onto her. Eleanor’s tiny hands are places right next to her little head that is on Taylor chest. She loves feeling the proximity to her Mama, especially when she’s still sleepy from her nap.

“Good for you that I’m a five star cook, love.” he says ironically, knowing just as well as her that he’d absolutely ruin everything she’s cooked so far, just by touching it.

Taylor has commented his statement with an eye roll and disappears upstairs with Eleanor. While walking up the stairs, Eleanor starts crying once more and Taylor just places her hand gently on her little head. Just a few tiny blonde hair covering the head. Small curls that are just the same as hers when she was a baby. While walking into the nursery room, Taylor moves her head and presses her lips onto the tiny head. She loves Eleanor’s smell. There will never be anything that smells as good as the smell of a baby.

“Are you hungry, baby?” she asks her daughter and gets no response but some smacking noise from the newborn as she sits down on the big light grey armchair at the end of Eleanor’s room. Taylor slowly frees her left arm from the red velvet dress, pulls down the soft silky bra, leans back and positions Eleanor right under her breast. It takes less than two seconds and the baby girl knows what to do. Taylor slowly rocks her back and forth, smiles down at her baby girl who is drinking with a pretty big hunger. Her fingertips draw circles on the little head. 

She’s so beautiful. She’s so so beautiful. 

Taylor laughs about Eleanor’s tiny fingers that she holds awkwardly into the air while drinking. She slowly grabs them and holds the tiny hand while silently watching her eat.

“She’s even more hungry than me right now and that almost seems impossible.”

Taylor looks up from her baby and to the man standing right in front it her, leaned against the door frame, smiling at her with the same smile that made her knees weak years ago.

“Yeah this is her big Christmas dinner, huh.” Taylor mumbles and looks at her daughter, who’s still busy drinking from Taylor’s boob. Joe slowly takes a few steps up to her, then crouches down in front of his two favorite girls. He slowly places his left hand on Eleanor’s tiny feet, that are covered in pink socks. His right hand wanders to Taylor’s cheek. She looks up to him once more, silently smiles as he strokes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You look beautiful.”

“I’m tired.” she mumbles, slowly leans her head back and closes her eyes. A baby still on her boob, Joe looking at her. She’s a masterpiece. A beautiful masterpiece that is clearly suffering under the most natural and primal responsibility of life. Sleep has become a foreign concept for both of them. Telling her how beautiful she is, full face, full breasts, curves and nothing but curves on her body, can’t help her feel less exhausted. He knows that.

“I know, baby. I’ll take her tonight. You can sleep in the guest room if you want. S’ more quiet.” he mumbles, his hand placed worriedly on her arm. Her body is going through a lot. He knows that.

“That sounds so nice but you forgot that I’m the feeding machine.” She sighs, slowly uprights herself and looks at Eleanor, who’s still not done eating.

“You can pump later on and we’ll try the bottle again. I’ll handle it.” he assures her. Taylor looks at him for a split second, still holding her child in her arms. He could gasp once more, her eyes meeting his. Goosebumps. That’s all he can think, as she suddenly smiles slowly then signals him to come closer. He slowly gets up, leans over her and presses his lips against his breastfeeding girlfriend.

“You’re the sweetest baby daddy.” she whispers and he smiles, presses another kiss into her lips.

“I know. Need to do a good job with the first one or else baby mumma won’t carry my other babies anymore.” he mumbles against her lips, ends his sentence with a last kiss before standing upright again. She looks at him with the same look he knows too well.

“Slow down, Daddy. This girl can remain the spoiled only child for a few more years, huh? Is that right?” she asks and looks at Eleanor.

“Just three more and we can stop.”

Taylor starts laughing and throws her head back.

“Alright big boy, I think it’s time for you to go down and have a look at my turkey.” she laughs, can’t believe that Joe is already thinking about more kids. It honors her, it makes her happy. Yes. But this is not the time for her to plan the next pregnancy when she can hardly deal with one newborn.

“Alright, I’ll look at your turkey..” he mumbles with a cheeky smile while slowly stumbling backwards out of the nursery. She grins at the silly man in front of her.

“Love looking at turkeys, you know. Turkeys are my favourites. Especially in the oven. Love putting turkeys in the oven you know..” he grins and Taylor rolls her eyes laughing.

“Less talking, more walking, Mr. Alwyn.” she yells after him and receives a cheeky “Yes boss” from downstairs. Taylor looks down at her baby again, her lips still latched onto her boobs, her big eyes looking at Taylor. 

“Your daddy is a silly guy, mhm. A silly silly daddy.” she mumbles, then laughs at Eleanor’s confused face.

Taylor startles, suddenly looks around. She feels disoriented, confused. She must have fallen asleep, yawns once and then recognizes that she dozed off a few minutes ago, curled up in her armchair on the other side of the kitchen. She sighs, sits up slowly and notices Meredith and Olivia both sitting in front of her. Taylor’s hand slowly wanders to her left cheek. Her skin is warm and the imprint of the cushions is probably embellished on her skin now. She sits up straight, looks at the two cats sitting in front of her. She can’t help but smirk slowly. These two cats are as weird as they always were, sitting there upright like humans and looking at her. Suddenly Taylor eyes get wide. Now she gets why her cats are staring at her. Taylor storms off into the kitchen, finds a big grey cloud of smoke already coming from her oven. How could she fall asleep with a tray of cookies in there?! She immediately turns off the stove, tries to grab the baking tray out of the oven without choking from the burnt smell. As soon as she has managed to place the now burnt cookies on the counter, she storms to the little window at the end of the kitchen and opens it.

“Shit! Why didn’t you guys tell me earlier?” Taylor sighs and yells at her cats who still wander around the living room, clearly confused about what just happened. Taylor looks at the tray of black cookies. She suddenly startles once more. Her doorbell rings, keeps her from throwing the black cookies into the trash. Taylor turns around, slowly walks into the hallway with a more than confused look on her face. She’s not sure who’s visiting her on Christmas Eve at 9pm. Still in her PJ attire, both feet in her ugly but cozy wool socks from her mom and with her curly hair in a bun, she slowly walks up to the door. Her security didn’t call her to tell her about a visitor. Taylor slowly gets a little worried, then decides that it’s more than silly to be afraid of a stranger killing her on her doorstep on Christmas Eve. After a few seconds she slowly opens up the door and finds something she didn’t expect to find at all tonight.

Joe in a big coat and with a bag on his shoulder, and her daughter on his arm, smiling at her with the brightest smile. One hand holding a wrapped gift and a little basket in her other hand.

“Surpriiiiise.” Eleanor giggles and Joe just smiles at Taylor as well, internally laughing about Taylor’s terrified look. She doesn’t know what to say, just looks from Eleanor to Joe again.

”Hi, honey.. is.. is everything alright? Did something happen?” She then asks already in a panicky mode. Joe smiles. This is the protective mother coming out in her. Always worried about Eleanor or things that might somehow happen to her.

”Everything is perfect, we had a great dinner and then decided to visit mummy cause it’s Christmas Eve, right?” He says and looks at Eleanor who just nods smiling. Taylor can’t help but smile at them, then steps aside to let the two inside. After all it’s already dark outside and still snowy and cold. Joe slowly walks inside the warm and cozy house, still with his girl on his arm. He lets Eleanor down with a sigh, then takes off his jacket. Taylor immediately crouches down to Eleanor’s level to open her big red winter jacket. There’s still snow in her blonde curls. The green bow Taylor put into her hair this morning is, of course, taken off by now. She smiles at her. Eleanor never liked accessories that are too girly. She’s a wild soul. Taylor knows that.

“Are you cold, honey? Thanks for surprising me! I’m so happy to see you..” Taylor smiles as she places the small coat next to where she’s crouching in the hallway. Eleanor smiles at her, then hands her what she was holding onto all along.

“This is for you, mommy.” She says in a shy voice and smiles angelically at her mother. Taylor feels her heart melting, looks at the wrapped present and the little basket that Eleanor just handed to her. The little basket is filled with a jar of Eleanor’s favorite caramel pudding that Elizabeth makes every Christmas. Around the jar, she placed some flowers and branches to decorate the glass. She definitely has had some help with this basket.

“Oh my god, is this a Christmas present? Thank you so much, baby..” She says, clearly more than emotional about this little gesture. She immediately hugs her daughter with both hands full and then slowly gets up. She notices Joe standing in the doorframe just smiling at her. Taylor slowly walks up to him.

“This was your night with her. You didn’t have to..”

“It’s Christmas. We won’t spend Christmas Eve without mumma, won’t we?” Joe answers her, then smiles at Eleanor who is already busy caressing Olivia’s tale. Taylor just smiles at him. This gesture means a lot to her.

“Okay, so I guess I’ll have to still open this beautiful present!” Taylor smiles and walks into the kitchen. She sits down in the armchair where she fell asleep a few minutes ago and starts to open the little gift her daughter has made for her. Eleanor immediately runs up to her, clearly excited for her mum’s reaction.

“Let’s see what mummy says..” She hears Joe whisper into Eleanor’s ear while crouching down next to her in front of where Taylor’s sitting. She silently smiles at Joe, then opens up the present. Eleanor is clearly on edge, shyly stands in front of her mum while cheekily pressing her lips together in excitement. Taylor finishes taking off the wrapping paper, then covers her mouth with her hand. Eleanor has made her a huge heart out of a cardboard, filled this heart with glitter and stars and little cat ears and a scribbled “I love you mummy” in the center. Taylor looks back at her daughter and smiles.

“Honey, that is so beautiful, oh my god.” She says, immediately places the gift on the table next to her before opening up her arms to let Eleanor crawl onto her lap. She holds her daughter as tight as possible, a hand placed on her head, another hand holding her small frame tightly.

“Thank you so much, baby. I love it so much. I love you so much.” she adds, then slowly lets go off Eleanor and kisses the little girl on the mouth one time before smiling at her.

“Merry Christmas, mommy.” She says and Taylor and Joe both laugh slightly at the sweet words coming from their baby.

“Merry Christmas, my little angel.” She responds and steals Eleanor one more kiss while smiling. Taylor then looks at Joe who still crouches in front of the chair and smiles at the two.

Taylor doesn’t say anything and just smiles at him silently.

“How was dinner with grandma and grandpa?” She asks Eleanor and runs her fingers through her curls a few times.

“Good. Santa Claus got me the Barbie plane, mommy. The one that I wanted.” She smiles excitedly, already moves on her mother’s lap, eager to show her mom her present. She quickly rushes into the hallway. Taylor just laughs and looks after her.

“That’s awesome, E.” She smiles, then looks at Joe who slowly gets up as well.

“What smells so weird in here?” He asks as Taylor already got up before him. She moves towards the counter.

“Oh my..”

“Yeah.” She interrupts him, slowly grabs the now cold cookie tray and opens the trash to throw them away.

“I fell asleep and burned these.” She says and sighs, then slowly looks at him again while leaning on the counter next to him.

“It was really not necessary to drop Eleanor off tonight, Joe. It’s so sweet but this is your time with her. I’m sure your parents were..”

“We had a great night and now it’s time for her to be home with her mum.” He says, won’t even let Taylor finish her sentence as Eleanor runs up to them, a big plastic airplane in her hand and an even bigger smile on her lips.

“Mommy, look!” She says and Taylor smiles at her.

“Wow, that looks incredible. Eleanor, you must’ve been really good this year mhm?” She smiles, admires her daughter’s gift. Eleanor starts tapping her foot, seems a little impatient all of the sudden. Joe smirks.

“Do you want to go play, love?” He asks and within five seconds, the little girl just storms off into her room upstairs where her entire Barbie collection is already waiting for her. Taylor slowly gets up and laughs at Joe.

“Her excitement to see me has its limits.” She mumbles ironically.

“Hey, she told us all night long that we need to keep some pudding for mummy. And that’s coming from the queen of caramel pudding so it’s the biggest declaration of love you’ll possibly get from a five year old.” he smirks and looks at her. Taylor slowly turns around, still smiling while reaching for her self-made present from Eleanor. Joe looks at her, can’t help but stare at her smile like a weirdo. Why does she have to be so beautiful. Why.

“Do you want some tea?” She then asks, slowly pins the big heart against her fridge. Joe sighs, slowly uprights himself and runs his fingers through his hair. A habit he has always had.

“No thanks, I just wanted to drop off Eleanor and then..”

“Why don’t you stay for a bit?” She then asks him and Joe stops for a second. He looks at her, not sure if he has heard right what she said. She avoided him for over a year and now she wants to casually spend an evening with him? He stutters, not sure what to say.

“I should get back to my parents and everyone, but..”

“No, no. It’s fine. Oh god, I’m sorry I was stupid for wanting to keep you from..”

“No, I mean. I can stay. If you want I can stay. I would love to stay but I just thought that you..”

“That I don’t want to see you?” She asks quietly, her arms crossed, still leaning against the marble counter with her PJ. Joe stands in front of her with his grey sweater. Still not sure how to react or what to say. She leaves him in uncertainty as so often. Uncertain if she still needs him. Uncertain if today maybe meant something to her after all.

“You made that clear yesterday.” He says quietly. Taylor looks into his eyes, then slowly away. She sighs, remains silent. She can hear Eleanor singing upstairs, hears the low flicker coming from the fireplace in the living room. None of the two moves, both awkwardly standing in the kitchen.

“We had sex today.” She then says quietly, looks back at him. Arms still crossed, not moving at all.

“We did.” He replies and Taylor remains silent, not sure what to say next. “But we can pretend we didn’t. If that makes you feel better.” Joe adds quietly, stands in the middle of her kitchen, both hands in his back pockets and his eyebrows raised as always when he’s just about to smirk, his head on the side, looking at her with his blue eyes. That look, Eleanor definitely has from him.

“It won’t.” she answers then, slowly looks down again. She doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t even know what she’s doing. Last night has confused her. It has confused her so much that she had sex with the father of her child at a pre-school event. After a year of silence. Leaned against a table where toddlers play. It has confused her so much that she can’t look at him anymore. That she can’t tell him to leave. Can’t tell him to stay and hold her tight.

“It won’t make me feel better. Nothing will.” she says and Joe suddenly furrows his brows. Her voice sounds different all of the sudden. He can’t see it clearly under her bangs but he can clearly hear her voice change. She sounds like she’s about to cry. And he can’t believe it.

“Tay, what..”

“It’s Christmas and you ask me if it makes me feel better to pretend like we didn’t have sex today but the truth is the only thing that would ever make me feel better is pretending like the last three years of our lives didn’t happen. Why can’t we just pretend that you’re shooting your Nicholas Cage movie in Exeter, and that you come home every night. And that Eleanor is three again and obsessed with dogs and finally potty trained and used to her dad always coming home before bedtime. And we can pretend to visit you on set sometimes. And have a glass of wine every night. Why can’t we just pretend that it’s 2021 again. Why can’t we pretend that these years never have happened. Today I sat on this fucking armchair for an hour just dreaming about our past. I’m not someone who needs four hundred years to get over someone. I’m not someone who wastes their time reminiscing about..”

“It’s alright..” he slowly whispers and interrupts her while holding her tight already. Taylor is fully crying now, weeping into his shoulder and holding onto him. She has talked herself into a rage from minute to minute. Her sweaty hands hold onto his back tight, her face is pressed into his shoulder. She has no idea what has gotten into her tonight. The only thing she knows is that she will regret this breakdown as soon as she wakes up tomorrow. But right now, all she can think about is the past. All she can think about is the fact that he’s not hers anymore. That he’s not her saving prince anymore. That she has lost her angel sent boyfriend who once turned her world upside down and made her believe that love could be more than just a hurtful concept of two people making mistakes. He was the one thing she did right, the only one she ever truly let inside. Tonight, the pain stings too hard for her stay strong. To remember all the things he did wrong when all she can see is the things he did right.

Taylor still sobs into his shoulder, feels his strong arms around her back holding her tight. She can’t let go. She can’t push him away.

Not tonight. Not today.

“It’s alright, you’re okay.” he whispers into her ear, no sign of letting go off her. Taylor still sobs, her vision blurry from tears. Then after a few minutes, Joe slowly pulls back and looks at her. He seems worried. Sad. Almost as sad as this morning when Eleanor told him that kids in her school don’t believe that he’s her daddy.

“Oh god, what’s wrong with me today.” she then babbles, completely embarrassed of the scene she caused. “I literally have no clue why..”

“You know what?” she hears him say, then looks up at him while wiping away her tears. He still stands right in front of her. His arms on her arms, their bellies almost touching. She’s glad that Eleanor seems to be busy in her room. She doesn’t have to witness this scene. Her mum crying in her dad’s arms. Too much for a five year old girl to take on Christmas Eve.

“I can’t turn back time and I don’t want to. Because.. I love my five year old daughter and her full sentences and not having to change nappies all the time is a great side effect too.” he says and Taylor laughs quietly.

“But.. I can remind you that you’re still you. And I’m still me. And that will never change.” he says, almost a whisper while looking at her. She looks up at him, her eyes still puffy and red from crying. She can’t move, can’t look away. How beautiful these words are. How much she would give to be able to believe them. Joe slowly places his hands around her face, then leans in to kiss her forehead over he curly bangs. She feels so good, she smells so good. He can’t change the fact that he still loves this woman with everything he has. Even after what she did to him. Even after she left him out of nothing and broke his heart into thousands of pieces.

“What are we just doing?” she whispers and he won’t let go of her. He knows what she means. He knows it too well.

“We’re here. Right now, I’m here. And I’ll be here tomorrow.” he says and Taylor closes her eyes. It’s wrong, oh so wrong.

But right now in this moment she welcomes her stupidity with a deep breath. He’s here. He stands here and holds her close. He’s the father of her child. It can’t be wrong. It can’t. Not tonight.

“Okay we’ve got.. salted popcorn and sweet popcorn. Who can guess which one is which?”

“Me, daddy!” Eleanor yells excited, almost jumps into one of the bowls that Joe is holding in front of her while already being in her Christmas PJs. Taylor, who sits on the sofa with the remote control in her hand and a soft blanket over her legs just laughs at Eleanor. It’s 10pm and they’re just about to start a movie. Taylor is not sure how Eleanor is still awake and well but she is and it’s Christmas. And her dad is here. Enough reasons to allow the little girl to stay awake with them and start a movie. Joe slowly crouches down so that both popcorn bowls are on Eleanor’s level.

“Guess which one is the salty one and which one is sweet, love. No touching. No smelling. No tasting.” he says with a smirk on his face and Taylor starts laughing from the couch.

“Wow that’s a little strict for a five year old don’t you think” she laughs and throws her head back. Joe is just smirking and shushes her whilst Eleanor looks at the popcorn with a very focused look on her face. He lets her take her time and smiles. She looks like Taylor when she’s concentrated. It blows his mind.

“Mhm…. this one.”

“Sweet or salty?”

“Sweet.”

“Try it!” Joe says and Eleanor carefully grabs one popcorn and starts laughing.

“I won!” she yells and jumps back onto her couch to her mummy. Taylor as well as Joe laugh at her and Eleanor slowly crawls under the blanket next to her momma. Taylor carefully places her hand around her tiny shoulders and kisses her head before fixing the blanket over her legs.

“You’re so smart, honey. Mommy never would’ve guessed right!” she says and Eleanor excitedly claps her hands together.

“Daddy can you give me the sweet popcorn?” she asks hyper, definitely had too much sugar tonight. Taylor can sense that. Joe sits down next to Eleanor, carefully hands Taylor the sweet popcorn with a smirk. Bubbly Eleanor is endless entertainment for the both of them.

���Let me hold it, it’s heavy.” Taylor says and places the bowl on her lap. Eleanor starts eating and looks at her dad, who’s just getting ready under the blanket as well.

“Mhmm it’s so yum daddy.” Eleanor says and looks at Joe. Taylor and him both start laughing and Joe can’t help but place his hand on her tiny head.

“I’m glad you like it, my love. Give daddy a kiss.” he says and Eleanor presses a wet and popcorn tasting kiss onto his lips. This little girl means the world to him. And she’ll probably never even have an idea of just how much he loves her.

“What are we watching?” Joe says and looks at Taylor. She’s got her hair in a sloppy bun that is hanging loosely in her neck. She’s wearing no make up, like before. He could swear that his heart sunk once more when he looked at her again a second ago. She’s pure sunshine. She’s as shiny as a star. Inside and out and everything in between.

“We’re watching Love Actually. What else?” Taylor smiles and Eleanor grabs into the bowl of popcorn again.

“Mummy what means love actually?” she asks, busy to separate one corn kennel from the other, while letting half of it accidentally drop onto the blanket.

“It means.. it’s actually really love.”

“What means actually really love?” she asks once more and cuddles against her mom under the blanket while chewing. Taylor looks at Joe and playfully rolls her eyes. Eleanor is in the ‘why’ phase since a few months now and it can get exhausting at times. She loves that she’s so interested and she loves to explain the world to her child. But today, tonight, she’s too tired for Eleanor’s questionnaires.

“Daddy, what does it mean?” Taylor mumbles, sinks her head and kisses Eleanor’s curls. Joe grins at Taylor and eats some of the popcorn that was in front of him.

“It means that you truly love and care for someone. Just like I care for you.” Eleanor smiles and then looks at the tv. His answer seems to satisfy her.

“Aren’t you tired, baby?” Taylor asks as the movie starts. Eleanor has her little head pressed against Taylor’s breasts. Taylor sees how she struggles to keep her eyes open. Every time they close, she opens them eagerly once more.

“No.” Eleanor answers. The quirky girl is suddenly all cuddly and quiet. Joe and Taylor exchange looks and smile silently. Joe slowly grabs Eleanor’s hand, makes her look at him.

“Do you want daddy to tell you a bedtime story?” Joe carefully asks but Eleanor eagerly shakes her head.

“No I want to watch the Christmas movie.” she says, still leaning against Taylor. Joe smirks and Taylor does the same. It takes less than two minutes and Eleanor’s eyes are barely open. Taylor looks at Joe and he nods.

“Eleanor?” he asks, the little girl immediately looks up at her dad. Taylor knows exactly why she doesn’t want to fall asleep and it breaks her heart. Her daughter is afraid that she’ll wake up and that daddy is gone again. A night like this, with mum and dad, is very rare for her. Taylor knows that.

“Daddy needs some cuddles. Can you come over and cuddle daddy a bit?” Joe asks and Taylor smiles thankfully. Joe holding Eleanor in an easy position means that it’s going to be even more easy to carry her into her bed without waking her once she’s fully asleep. An old habit they both still have from back then when they were a team. A family.

Eleanor immediately crawls onto her daddy’s lap and hugs him tight. Her little head rests against his chest. Her arms around his neck. Taylor looks at them and feels her heart burst. Joe hugs the little girl back and whispers sweet nothings into the her ear while rocking her back and forth. It takes less than five minutes and the little girl is fully asleep. Joe remains like this for a few more minutes before exchanging a look with Taylor. She smiles at him, doesn’t say a word.

“I’ll bring her upstairs.” Joe mouths and she nods.

“Thanks.” she whispers and watches him get up with a sleeping Eleanor on his arms. Taylor watches them disappear, then looks into the TV again. She has no idea how they both do it tonight, how it’s so easy to be together when there’s so much unsolved business between them. But sitting here in the living room and laughing together with their daughter felt better than anything else she has done in the last months. No song writing, no fan interaction, nothing felt better than this. Normalcy. Just like it was back then.

It takes less than five minutes and Joe enters the room again, closes the door quietly. He looks at her, then slowly falls onto the couch next to her.

“She passed out within two minutes, I’m impressed.” he laughs quietly and Taylor returns his look.

“She ran around like a monkey all day. It was time for her to pass out, trust me.” she smiles, then looks back at the movie. Joe casually places his arm around her, his hand landing in her neck. He always loved playing with the little short and curly hair that grew in her neck, right where her hairline begins. Taylor doesn’t move, doesn’t tell him to stop. He slowly leans in, kisses her temple one time. She still doesn’t move.

“So are you gonna stay here tonight or..”

Joe doesn’t answer, watches her slowly looking in his direction while waiting for an answer. He hesitates, his hand still in her neck, far away from moving. He smirks, can tell that she’s on the verge of a laugh as well.

“If you want daddy to stay then daddy will stay, you know.”

Taylor grins, sinks her head. She doesn’t tell him to stop caressing her neck, doesn’t tell him to go home. All she does is smile at him.

“I think Eleanor would love that. Knowing that you’re still here when she wakes up.” Taylor says and he nods.

“I would love that as well.” Joe answers, strokes a strand of hair from her face. He looks at her as if she’s the eighth world wonder.

“So.. should we go to bed?”

“Yeah.” he answers, not sure how she meant what she just said. Taylor and Joe both get up. She turns off the TV within seconds, then walks around the room to make sure no candle is left burning. Joe looks at her, waits for her to tell him where he’s going to sleep. The second she looks at him again is the second she takes his hand and casually kisses him. Joe is confused, just stands there, holds her tight. She deepens the kiss, then slowly let’s go off him. Both hands in his neck, her beautiful eyes meeting his.

“Taylor, what..”

“You said we’re still you and me.” she whispers. He nods.

“Let’s just be you and me tonight.”

Joe looks into her eyes and smiles. He doesn’t say anything, just places his hands softly on her face. His forehead leans against hers, their bodies already touching. He then kisses her softly, grabs her hand again and walks into the hallway. They both remain standing in the doorframe as Joe turns off the light and quietly walks up the stairs with her.

It’s early. So early that the bedroom still has that hazy new day light look to it. There’s a stillness in the air from being undisturbed all night, and everything is quiet. Quiet except for the soft kisses that are being pressed against Taylor’s cheek, her neck, and along her shoulder through the shirt she’s sleeping in. Last night was beautiful. Beautiful because she completely turned her head off. They both did. Both brought each other to paradise and back, lost track of once, then and now.

Joe’s kisses are soft, and innocent, even when they suck or there’s a nick of teeth. Occasionally he stops and buries his nose into whatever part of her he’s focused on now and he just breathes in the scent of her mixing with his after spending all night in her bed. It’s an endearing sign of the way he’s absorbing every bit of her, but she thinks she’d laugh if she was nearer to a proper state of consciousness. He’s so gentle. Showers her with kisses like a baby.

Joe moves his body closer and the kisses move to the other side of her neck and face. He sighs contentedly and Taylor smiles softly behind closed eyes when he squeezes her with sleep-weakened arms.

“Will you open your eyes for me, Tay?” The question is scratchy and full of sleep. Taylor sighs once more.

“Mmm,” she mumbles. “Maybe.”

Joe rubs the faintest beginnings of stubble onto her cheek and she giggles and pushes gently against his face but he moves closer. A soft but obvious pressure on her thigh makes her moan softly.

“Joe...“

He groans lazily on her neck, “It’s okay, babe, it’ll go down,” he promises her with his tired morning voice. “I don’t want… just wanna love….” The words turn into mumbles and he continues his gentle kisses. Taylor hums her consent and slides her hand around his back and scratches it softly through his shirt. He loves that. And it feels nice – him loving on her. So she may as well let him continue. It’s not like she even has to open her eyes.

“What brought this on?” Taylor asks softly as he breathes out comfortably against her neck before biting gently. She can’t help smiling. This whole concept of turning her brain completely off has been a success so far.

“You just..” He distracts himself by tucking the shirt of his that she’s wearing up her stomach and dropping down to press kisses against it. His hair tickles Taylor’s skin when it curtains his face. “You look so good when you’re not thinking.”

She makes an annoyed little grunt, because what the hell is that supposed to mean?

“Like not thinking too hard, or worried, or anything..” Joe explains against her stomach while he kisses up to her ribcage.

“And it makes me feel things….” He drags his warm hand over Taylor’s side and pushes it up under her shirt and cups her breast in his hand. He loves how her boobs feel in his hands, he always has – soft, and full. With two nipples that easily get hard even before he works carefully on them.

“I know,” she whispers and scratches his scalp gently in a way that makes him moan. “I know….” It makes him feel feelings that she feel, too. Strong, deep, solid, but mixed with definitions that they weren’t ready to reel in.

His breath is hot on her sternum and he nudges her shirt up to expose her boob to him. He pinches the nipple softly between his thumb and forefinger before leaning down and closing his parting lips around it. His tongue is warm and soft as he strokes it in a pattern reminiscent to the one that gets her off when his face used to be in between her thighs, and his teeth only just graze the soft pillow of her breast. Taylor peers through a crack between her eyelashes at him and just catch his ocean blue eyes sliding shut and that little crinkle of concentration appears while he suckles like he’s hungry. 

Hungry for her. A hunger that only she can satisfy. She knows that.

Taylor’s eyes squeeze shut in reaction to his tongue and her breath hitches in her throat.

He groans when she pushes her chest up into his mouth and her fingers tighten in his hair. Joe swirls, and sucks, and nips, and kisses, and releases with a pop before he does it all over again. “Beautiful,” she hears him whispering to himself. “Soft, and so….” His breath falls with delicious heat across your newly wet breast as he trails off. Taylor’s ears are ringing and she’s squirming, almost struggling underneath him. She whispers his name roughly when he moves to her other boob. She makes a sound between a whine and a moan and he pushes into her thigh suddenly.

“I’m… hard.” His voice is gravelly and although it’s not a question, he’s begging her for permission. She smiles at him, slowly wanders with her hands from his hair to his cheeks. His beautiful eyes look into hers and she feels goosebumps all over her body. His eyes are full of lust, full of longing. And Taylor certainly doesn’t need him to tell her that because she can feel him practically jumping against her leg. Apparently, their “one night thing” wasn’t going to go down as he said it would. The night was over and the room is filled with light. Yet he can’t help but give in to his urges. “We don’t have time,” she mumbles as he kisses the spot between her boobs.

“I can be quick,” he mumbles back with another gentle roll of his hips. He shudders and a growl echoes in his throat. “I can be real quick,” he promises.

“Don’t brag,” she replies to him with a shaking head and another scratch at his scalp, simulating pulling him closer. She’s smirking at him. He smiles back at the beautiful woman in front of him. Last night was much needed. But last night didn’t satisfy his longing for her. It made it even worse.

“Please,” he is asking again and his face drops in her neck. He’s thrusting softly but steadily into her leg and his breath hitches in his throat. “It almost hurts, baby. Didn’t have you in a long time..” are the only words he manages to get out. He reaches across to pull her closer and grinds harder for a moment. “Doesn’t it almost hurt for you?” he asks softly.

Taylor’s thighs press together because yes, it does hurt. Her belly is screaming to have the tension winding deep within it released. To have him spread her and start her morning with open thighs and a rough, quiet fuck that’ll leave her pleasantly tingly for the rest of the day. To feel him cum so deep and so far that his seed would have no problem taking root in her once again. She needs him. A lot. If she stops him now, the two of them will just be disgruntled from leaving their orgasms unattended to. She knows that. She knows that too well.

Maybe it’s the fact that she’s not answering that makes him stop the rolling of his pelvis. He’d never, never in a million years actually push unless he was sure he wasn’t pushing at all, so if he must he can take care of himself in the bathroom quickly (because he’s beyond the point of return in hoping it’ll go down peacefully). He kisses Taylor’s neck gently and tenses his body to lift up and away, but then she whimpers and tightens her fingers in his hair with a shake of her head. He looks back at her. Smiles. Her bangs are messed up from last night. Her eyes still puffy. He has never seen any creature more beautiful than the mother of his child early in the morning.

“No, don’t stop.” her words are hardly audible. “Don’t stop, just don’t..”

“Are you sure?” he asks gruffly, checking to be sure he hasn’t manipulated her and that she wants this, too, again.

Taylor answers him by taking his hand and guiding it into her slip that she put on again last night. Joe’s lips part for a moment when he feels how easily his fingers slide between her lips. He is stunned into silence when two of his fingers dip inside of her and Taylor stiffens just for a moment from the sudden invasion before melting back into the mattress. He doesn’t waste any time after that, and pulls her panties down with the help of Taylor’s shifting hips. She needs him. She needs him a lot.

Taylor feels him adjust next to her in bed and then he’s hoisting himself over her and pushing her thighs apart to settle in between them. Taylor’s hands slide to the back of his neck and his short hair tickles her forearms and for the first time that morning her eyes pop open fully.

His eyes still filled with traces of sleep, though they are open wide with undiluted lust, and his lips are pinker than usual from their eager work on Taylor’s neck, stomach, and breasts, and they bear shiny remnants of saliva. His hair is wilder than usually from the raking and tugging and scratching of Taylor’s fingers this morning.

Joe touches his knuckles gently to her jaw. “There you are,” he says as she look up at him with blurry, new-morning eyes. He grins at her, but it’s fleeting when he lowers down against Taylor and her wetness encounters that which is dribbling from his head. He inhales sharply and mutters a sharp, “fuck” before reaching down and guiding himself to her entrance and sliding in swiftly.

Taylor gasps from the sudden stretching sensation and winds her arms around his back. Joe lets her adjust for a moment before withdrawing and then rolling back into her with a high grunt. His eyes roll up and he presses a kiss to her forehead. She feels so good. She smells so good. He’s starting slow, letting her stomach curl and his spine sizzle from the sudden jump into these sensations. Why does this slow pace feel so so good. Taylor moans for the second time today. The slow pace doesn’t last long though, because it’s not what the two of them are after, and it definitely isn’t what they have time for on Christmas Day. Joe shushes her gently when she moans unbidden with each deep, reckless stroke into her. It was a little too loud. A little too obvious. After all, they have a child sleeping in the room next to them. A child that doesn’t need to become part of this cuddle.

Joe pulls back just to his ridge nearly every time, and each resulting reentry feels longer and deeper as a consequence and it’s waking both of them up with more intensity than she had bargained for.

He’s ducked his head a bit to watch himself disappear in and out of her and it’s putting him into a trance. He then looks into her eyes, loses himself in the observation of her lustfilled face, the little O she formed with her lips. It leaves him with a tight stomach and an even tighter lower region, just looking into her face. He’s so caught up in it that he almost misses the way she’s starting to clutch at him and keening in the base of her throat. “Oh my God,” he groans low in his throat.

“Joe!” she moans slowly.

Taylor’s orgasm is starting to curl in her belly, nudging itself deeper into her and demanding to be unfurled with very bump and slide of his penis inside of her. Her thighs hitch up higher around him and he groans softly in encouragement and swipes his hand along the outside of one of them before digging in.

“Faster,” she whispers and shudders softly. “Faster, please!” She’s close, so desperately close and just needs him to be… relentless, the way she knows he can be.

Joe rocks quicker and Taylor’s mouth falls open with a whine. His mouth is on her throat and his teeth are nicking your skin with each harsh pant of his open mouth against it. She’s always liked it a little faster, a little rougher and deeper. But just with him. Nobody else could see that side in her, except for him. He doesn’t even apologize much anymore when he hits a little too hard because most of the time, she’ll just sink her nails into his back and her teeth into his shoulder in reward. He knows it gets her off faster if he doesn’t treat her like she’s made of glass. And from the current look on her face, the little frown and full lips that are slightly parted, she needs to be very, very quick right—

Joe’s eyes screw shut. He can’t possibly have just heard a knock on the door.

“Daddy?” a tiny voice calls through it.

He immediately stops on top of her but is still buried inside of her. Joe’s whole face tenses and he swallows hard. And Taylor seriously thinks she could cry because he’s stopped at the thickest part of himself and she feel so full and so hungry for the pressure of him moving in and out of her. And yet her daughter is standing right outside with only a thin door to separate the two of them. Taylor could cry, she could cry because he stopped. Because he’s still on top of her, still inside of her, yet he’s not allowed to move or make a sound.

“Yeah, angel?” Joe calls out hoarsely, swallowing thickly.

“Are you gonna make me pancakes? Where’s mummy?”

Joe bites his bottom lip hard and she feels him twitch inside of her with the desire to keep driving home to the finishing point. Taylor herself is deathly still underneath him, breathing shallowly and quickly. She has no idea what he’s going to tell Eleanor now. All she knows is that he better gets creative now, or this five year old girl will walk into the room and never unsee this disturbing sight of her parents.

“Mummy is.. still asleep. Let daddy sleep for a couple more minutes as well and then we’ll make pancakes.” he promises. Joe shifts a bit above her, inadvertently sliding a bit farther into her and the sound he makes is downright agonized. “Just..” Joe trails off before harshly whispering an exasperated “fuck me!” under his breath and sliding slowly forward. “Shh, shh, shh,” she whispers urgently to him when his eyes widen and Taylor’s nails dig into his back once more.

“Let your mum and I jus’… fin—“ he clenches his teeth, “get ready for the day,” he calls louder in a strained voice. “Put the telly on, okay angel?”

Taylor’s back arches up when he pushes in again and her mouth falls open in a silent cry. Taylor immediately covers her mouth, more than afraid that Eleanor just heard her. Joe can’t help but smirk widely and lean down to kiss this beautiful woman who’s clearly struggling and sweating underneath him. He kisses her inaudibly, then slowly pulls back.

“Put it on real loud, okay?” he asks with a smile while looking at her and moving again once more. “Watch whatever the—fu–!” Taylor has tightened around him again and he can barely keep his eyes open in pleasure. “Whatever you want!” he finishes significantly weaker than when he started. He bucks forward into her and Taylor gasps once more. “We won’t be long..” he thrusts again and Taylor’s head thrashes a bit as she undulates her hips up into his and tighten her legs around his hips.

Joe and Taylor both hear Eleanor chirp happily. They both can’t help but laugh quietly. Then, after a while, Joe slowly grinds into her until he’s sure she’s disappeared.

“You’re going to pay for that, love,” he promises under his breath. “That wasn’t very—“ He groans when he pushes deeper. “Not very nice.” Taylor whimpers when he bites down on the corner of her jaw. “You want me to..fill you up that badly?” he rumbles as he finds his rhythm again. She loves it when he talks to her like that in bed. The most respectful, most well put together guy on earth talking dirty is her turn on. He knows that. Each following punch of Joe’s hips forward is like a battering ram and she feels it deep, deeper than deep. “Want me to f-fill you now?” He inhales sharply. “Want me so badly?”

He’s not playing fair and it’s been so long since she has heard him speaking this brashly with her. It’s going to destroy her. There was a reason she had the best sex of her life with him and these past ten minutes are her reminder of why.

“Yes!” She moans weakly, feels like losing herself underneath him

Joe’s pressing deeper, faster, and the slick base of his length is gliding up and down along the nerves of her clit.

Taylor almost shouts and suddenly his hand is heavy over her mouth to muffle the strained cries coming from her throat. Her breath is fast and strong against his fingers and he feels her mouth open wider in a cry beneath his palm and he presses down firmer when she starts to shake. “Someone’s waking up, huh?” Taylor whimpers again and her head rolls from side to side before her back arches off the bed and she’s finally climaxing, hard, fastening onto him with winding legs and arms and hips that jerk spasmodically into his. She’s grateful that he covered her mouth, but it only just manages muffle her helpless shrieks.

Joe’s not far behind, and once her channel has relaxed enough to let him move he’s plowing back into her without forgiveness, with his mouth at her throat, inhaling her scent deeply off her sweaty neck. It can’t take more than thirty seconds worth of relentless ramming inside of her before he’s trembling with his lip sucked in between his teeth while he orgasms with deep, thick, hot ribbons inside of her. Taylor thinks it’s rather controlled of him given the way he was moving just seconds ago, but when he collapses to the side of her he finally gasps and mumbles incoherently descriptive swears, some of which she doesn’t think she has ever heard in her life. He’s breathing heavily and when she turns her head around to look over at him there are a few drops of sweat visible on his face and his eyes are squeezed shut in disbelief.

“Th-that,” she gulps, “got very dirty, v-very… fast.”

Her thighs are still trembling from the sensations, and the stickiness between them is evidence of how well he’d kept it. She whimpers unknowingly and covers her newly shut eyes with her hand. She’s exhausted, and her body aches from the delicious sensation of being used and rewarded for waking up.

Joe acknowledges what she said with some type of sound that sounds somewhere between a groan and death.

Taylor and him keep staring at each other, still intertwined, still unable to pull back or move.

“Are you okay?” He asks then, notices her tired eyes. She doesn’t answer him, just nods. The mood is suddenly so different just within a few moments. The lust is gone and deep satisfaction is in the air. Taylor smiles at him, lands with her shaky hand on his head once more.

He’s confused, but smiles as well.

“What?”

“We had sex three times since yesterday.” She answers with a smirk. He returns with a laugh, then moves so that his torso is pressed against her torso once more. Heat and sweat between their skins, reminding him of what just happened in this room.

Joe places both his hands on her cheeks, looks at her in awe. A beautiful masterpiece. That’s all she is. Her blonde curls sticky against her forehead. Her lips read from kissing and sucking on his skin.

“We had a lot of catching up to do.” Joe says and she smiles. He isn’t lying.

“And now?”he asks, looks more serious suddenly, clearly hoping for more than just a gentle kiss and a smile.

“Pancakes. Your daughter requested pancakes.” She says, then slowly escapes his grip and leaves the bed within a few seconds. Joe looks after her, watches her disappear in the bathroom. She grants him once last smile before closing the door.

He definitely hoped for more than that.

[shawnsorangeglasses]

Love’s Camisado - (bartender!shawn au)

.i’m enjoying the idea of Shawn being a bartender (i guess that’s his second job now idk i dig it) nobody asked for this but  🎶i don’t care🎶 3.3k words

warnings: some strong language, drinking, minor fluff at the end, and a guy who can’t hear “no”

...

Dina was still getting over a breakup that’s had her stuck in this weird state of depression for about a week now. So I called her on Friday and said we were going out on Saturday, deliberately eliminating no as an option. My homework was finished and I was ahead of schedule for once and I figured this is as good a time as any to leave my dorm for once. Fully intending on staying sober for the night, I put on the most casual outfit I could find and start packing supplies.

I almost look like a soccer mom, waiting for Dina to show up at the club doors. I had a drawstring bag full of baby wipes, snacks, water, a spare case of makeup, band-aids, some ibuprofen for her potential hangover, and whatever I normally carry every day. This is a list I’ve made over years of knowing Dina and her nightly habits. The usual pattern is she’ll get drunk off her ass and either I’ll take her home or she’ll go home with whichever guy or girl and I’ll rescue her tomorrow morning.

Our region was starting catch wind of some colder weather so I decide to drive to the bar. I didn’t wear anything more than a pair of leggings, t-shirt, and a denim jacket. She meets me just outside the doors of the Lotus Pool club around 7:00 PM. This is where most college students come on the weekend. My muted outfit bears a striking contrast to Dina’s glittery green cocktail dress. Business is perfectly slow at this time so we get in without a problem. It’s only when the sun goes down that a line starts to form.

Once inside, I immediately scan the room for Shawn, our favorite bartender. He’s also going to college with us but this is where we always come to see him on the weekend. I guess I’d call him a friend, but this is kind of the only place we really interact other than the few times I see him on campus. We went to the same high school but our circles never crossed.

He’s alternating between serving the few regulars and tidying up the behind the bar when we walk in. Dina and I quietly sneak  while his back is turned. “Shawn!,” we both shout and he turns with a start. His face slowly melts into a warm smile when he realizes it’s just us.

“Hi ladies,” he says sheepishly. “You both look lovely. How are you holding up Dina?”

“Better,” Dina says with a sigh. “I didn’t need Tess anyway. I’m finding myself a new squeeze tonight, count on it. Can I have the strongest, fruitiest drink you know how to make? Surprise me.”

“Of course, honey,” He takes a red bottle from the shelf then turns to me. “Are you having anything tonight (Y/N)?”

“No sir, I am driving. But thank you anyways.” Shawn nods and continues to make Dina’s drink. She’s such a lightweight, she’s tipsy within minutes. Soon, people start to roll in and situate themselves at the bar, forming a decent crowd. There aren’t a lot of students out tonight as midterm exams are just around the corner.

“If there’s any way I can help in tonight’s quest for love, please don’t hesitate to ask,” Shawn says before heading off to serve his next patron.

A few hours go by and I’m watching the room carefully from the comfort of my bar stool. Dina’s gone off to mingle so Shawn makes conversation with me whenever he can, sometimes even while he’s mixing.

At one point he asks me, “When are you gonna find yourself a “squeeze,’ (Y/N)?”

“I don’t know. I’m not actively searching for anything but I’m sending every offer away either. The thing is I’m not getting any offers.”

“You know it might help to actually go outside more,” he teases me. “That’s where all the people are.

“Don’t come for me, Mendes. I go out. Sometimes.”

He gives me a side eye while topping off another tray of shots. “Going to and from class doesn’t count.”

Some guy suddenly comes up and sits right next to me, despite the abundance of empty stools and single girls at the bar. “Hey, can I buy you a drink?”

“No thanks, I’m driving home tonight,” I say firmly.

He briefly touches my leg. “Come on, one drink won’t hurt.” I tense up.

“Dude, I told you I’m driving. I’m not having a drink.” I search down the line for Shawn. He’s busy with about three other people’s drinks at the moment but briefly makes eye contact.

“Well can I at least get your name?,” he asks. “I feel like I’ve seen you around campus.”

“(Y/N),” I say carefully, as if my name is made of glass.

“Wow, that’s beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” he says with a toothy grin. He’s cute I guess, but he’s frat boy cute, and that’s suspicious. They have quite the reputation around here. “What are you doing after this?,” he asks, scooting closer.

He’s not even listening to me. “I just told you I’m driving. Home probably.” Something tells me not to include Dina in this conversation. I then remember to check for her. She’s in a booth, seemingly cozied up with what seems like a nice girl.

“What do I have to do to get you to come home with me?”

Before he can lay another weak-ass line on me, Shawn appears. “Hey man, can I get you anything?,” he asks, quite aggressively.

The guy immediately says no and fades away into the crowd. I turn to Shawn, eyes wide and mouth agape. He raises his eyebrows at me in response.

“Did you see that shit?,” I yell over the noise.

“I did. I was trying to get back over here. Do you want me to have him removed?”

“No, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

Shawn purses his lips at me and leans in closer. “I know ‘fine’ is girls’ code word for ‘not fine,’ (Y/N).”

“I mean it this time. He’s not worth the trouble, honest.”

He checks his watch, “Well my break starts now. I think I’ll sit and talk with you. Maybe deflect some more creeps.”

Shawn makes his way around the bar, a tiny carton of peanuts in hand, and sits next to me. He smells great as usual. Like soap and high-end cologne. We somehow end up back on the topic of my love life again. This time I switch it up on him.

“You know you’re always telling me how I need a date. What about you?,” I ask.

“I’m busy here and at school,” he squeaks defensively. “I don’t have the time or social skills to get a girlfriend right now.”

“Maybe in theory. All I’m saying is it shouldn’t be that hard for someone who looks the way you look.”

“Ever think that it’s maybe because I already have my eye on someone?”

“Really?” He nods, but it’s a solemn one. “Why so sad? Have you talked to her?”

He slips another peanut past his lips. “Yeah, but she doesn’t feel that way towards me.” The way he tilts his head allows a few errant curls to fall into his eye.

“Who wouldn’t feel that way about you Shawn? Look at you!” He actually has the audacity to laugh while shaking his head. There’s no doubt he’s a dreamboat with his brains and impossible good looks. All the girls on campus fawn over him.

“By that logic, it makes no sense for you to be single either,” he shoots back. I try to think of something witty to say before he can see me blush but I can’t and just go back to shelling my peanut.

“Exactly! It takes a little more than being hot, doesn’t it?”

“Whatever, Mendes. You always say embarrassing things like that. Whoever this girl is, I say you should just go ahead and shoot your shot.”

“Yeah right. I think I’d rather be shot.” I choke on my peanut.

“I don’t get it. What do you have to lose?”

That familiar grin extends across his face, amused at my lack of understanding. He simply says, “Probably everything.”

Shawn’s break ends and he’s back behind the bar again. I continue to talk to him though after most of the people there reach their legal limit and he has to slow down consumption. We spend most of the night people-watching together.

Just as I thought, that girl Dina was previously curled up with ended up becoming her impromptu date for the night. She meets me at the bar again around 11:20 and introduces her to me. I swear at first glance they seem perfect for each other, unlike when she was with Tess.

“This is Cristina,” she says with a little slur on her speech. “Rhymes with Dina. She also did not consume the alcohols tonight, so she will be driving me home.”

“I was here on an assignment,” said a clearly not drunk Cristina. She held up a tiny sketchbook. “Had to draw a nightclub scenery.” She’s a very gorgeous girl, with a periwinkle colored pixie cut and big brown eyes. Definitely Dina’s type.

“Oh okay, well it’s nice to meet you Cristina,” I say with a shake of her hand. “I think you’ll like Dina. She’s just as charismatic when she’s sober.” I turn back to Dina. “Hey, look at me. Call me when you get home. Okay?” She holds two thumbs up in front of her goofy grin.

I walk them out and say goodnight, reminding Dina to call me for a second time and thanking Cristina again for driving her. I make my way back inside and across the now thinning dance floor and back over to the bar. Shawn’s polishing glasses when I meet his eyes with mine again.

“I think Dina’s taken care of for the night,” I say as I sit back down.

“I never saw that guy leave,” he says. His serious tone catches my attention. “Are you going to be okay getting home?”

“Um,” I look around the bar. Frat boy isn’t anywhere in sight. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Well listen, my shift is over in like ten minutes. Can you wait until then so I can walk you to your car?”

“Sure. Let me just freshen up real quick.”

I make beeline for the women’s restroom and find myself strangely on edge the moment I enter. Empty beer bottles and cans litter the countertop. I take a quick look at myself in the mirror, making a few adjustments to my hair. Then the stall behind me opens up. That guy from earlier steps out, clearly sloshed with the most disgusting smirk on his face. “Thought I’d find you in here sooner or later, beautiful.”

He gets close enough to grab my wrist, definitely bruising it and tries to kiss me. I instantly snatch one of the beer bottles left in here and smash it against the countertop, quickly making a weapon. He lets me go, leaving my wrist red and sore. I’m panting like a wild animal.

Shawn comes barreling in seconds later I assume because he heard the glass breaking. He looks more than stressed. “Are you okay?,” he huffs.

“Never been better,” I say, never taking my eyes off frat boy.

The worry in his eyes swiftly turns to rage when he recognizes the guy from earlier. “Dude, just fucking leave,” says Shawn. “Don’t bother coming back here either.”

The guy slinks past him and out the door. I drop the bottle, feeling my body start to shake all over. My hands grip onto the sink for, desperate for stability. Shawn rushes to my side and wraps his arms around me. I’ve never hugged him before but this better than I imagined it. “I’m definitely taking you home. There’s no way in hell.”

“S-sorry about the mess,” I stammer. My chest feels unbelievably tight and I have to push him back just to breathe. His hands never leave my skin.

“Don’t worry I can get it cleaned up tomorrow on my morning shift. Let’s just get back to the dorms.”

Shawn is quick to get me back to my dorm room. The whole car ride there is short and quiet. Never having been in Shawn’s jeep, I take this chance to learn a little more about him. It’s cluttered, but clean. I can see some clothes is the back seat and a few schoolbooks on the floor. As we get closer to my building I fish my key card out of my pocket. He parks as close as possible to the door and he’s about to open his door before he realizes I still haven’t moved yet.

“You okay?,” he asks. That’s when the tears start to fall and I have to turn away so he can’t see. Then one loud sniffle makes it very obvious that I’m crying.

Shawn reaches over the console, embracing me again. I feel stupid for crying on his white sweater like this. “It’s okay,” he mumbles into my hair. “I wish I’d caught him go in there. I should’ve been paying better attention.”

“No you’re always paying attention. It’s not your fault.” I pull away first, feeling more than embarrassed now. “I feel so stupid.”

“Don’t say that. You protected yourself. Rather impressively, might I add. We can go report him tonight if you want.”

“I don’t even know his name. No, I just want to go to sleep.” I open my door and step out. Shawn follows closely behind as I approach the dormitory entrance. We take a beat, standing out there in the cool evening air. I check the time on my phone and it’s almost curfew. My hands are still shaking. Shawn casts his 6′3″ shadow over me and takes my cold hands into his large warm ones. His thumb traces circles over the bruise that was now forming on my wrist. I slowly started to feel okay again. More than okay actually.

“S’okay, relax. You’re safe now. God, I just-- are you going to be okay staying here tonight? Maybe you should go home.” He knows that my roommates have all gone home this weekend.

“No. My mom will just have questions and I don’t want her to worry or storm the campus tomorrow.”

Shawn’s about to scan his keycard when I stop him again. “Actually, could you stay with me? Just for tonight.”

His eyes widen a little, “You sure?”

I swallow hard. “I feel like he might know where I live.”

We take the elevator up to my floor in comfortable silence. When we reach my room I get a text from Dina.

[ im in love gn ]

I smile and show Shawn. “At least one of us is having a good night,” I murmur then unlock my door.

I head directly towards my room, kicking my shoes off, slipping out of my jacket, and flopping face down on my bed. I hear the soft thud of Shawn’s boots stop at my doorway. “I guess I’ll take the couch. You wouldn’t happen to have an extra pillow would you?”

“No,” I say patting the space next to me. “Just come lay right here.”

He moves with reluctance and sits down like the the bed will crumble underneath him. Then he lays down with even more caution, scooting closer until our noses are a only few inches apart. His legs still hang off the bed.

I roll onto my side. “You still smell like peanuts,” I whisper.

“So do you,” he whispers back.

My eyes wander around Shawn’s face this being the first time I’ve actually seen him this close. He has the longest eyelashes I’ve ever seen on a boy before. That divot in his right cheek is more prominent in this proximity. I gently brush at it with my thumb.

“Shaving accident when I was little,” his mumbles.

“Of course.”

“Can I tell you something,” he blurts. I pull my hand away from his face. “You remember when I was telling you about that girl I liked?”

“You don’t have to tell me who she is.”

“I do if that girl is you.”

I wait for him to say “nah I’m kidding,” like he always does when he says something sarcastic or even remotely flirty. When he doesn’t, I prop myself up on my elbows. “Are you being serious right now?”

“A hundred percent, being serious right now.”

I’m honestly paralyzed. No one’s ever told me that before and meant it. My mind goes completely blank.

“Don’t just stare at me like that (Y/N),” he says, snapping me out of it. “You gotta say something.”

“What do I even say? I never came to terms with how I feel about you. I-- I gave up on that a long time ago.”

Shawn sits up so we’re at eye level again. Even while laying down, he’s still so much larger than me. I feel small in my own bed. His eyes catch a glint of the moonlight coming in through my window as they wander around my face only to settle on my mouth. “Okay, well, how do you feel right now?”

“Right now?” I allow his lips to steal my attention for a second. “Right now I feel like kissing you.”

“Are you waiting for an invitation?”

“Are you?”

He leans in, beckoning me to come closer. I meet him halfway, touching my nose to his. Shawn’s lips brush onto mine and it feels like an electric current is buzzing through my entire body, melting me from the inside out. I close my eyes just as his warm mouth gently presses into mine. Every inch of my skin heightens in sensitivity making me jump a little when Shawn puts his fingers on my neck. He’s slow and soft at first, but gradually gets hungrier as we go on, moving his hand to my waist to pull me closer until I’m practically on top of him. His thigh breaks the space between mine causing my hips to accidentally buck a little. The smile he makes against my lips lets me know he noticed.

It was like a movie, probably better, and I can feel myself slowly start to lose control. His tongue pushes past my lips and massages the threshold of my mouth tentatively. I dig my nails into the fabric of his shirt on his sides. This must do something to make him moan and that sound alone nearly pushes me over the edge. I pull away, hot and panicked. My arms are so numb I struggle to even sit up at first.

“A-are you okay,” Shawn asks. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, everything’s fine.” I cover my face. “I just felt a little out of control.”

Shawn inhales sharply and runs his hand through his hair then settles it on the back of his neck. “Should I go?”

“No! I mean no, I’m okay. Maybe we should stop this though, just for now.”

He bites his lip again but something feels different about watching him do it this time as opposed to the many other times I’ve seen him bite his lip. Maybe it’s how unkempt his hair looks now. I nibble at the inside of my cheek to bring myself back down to Earth.

“Well you asked me to keep you company for tonight. I still intend on doing that if you want me to.”

I do want him to stay, but not just for the original reasons anymore. We lay back down on my bed again, comfortably uncomfortable in this new atmosphere between us. The expression on his face is so tranquil. He looks younger in this light. I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks the longer I look at him. I switch my attention to my duvet. Shawn’s arms reach out to pull me into his chest, engulfing me in muscles and the scent of high-end cologne. I’ve never slept so soundly before.

[sreyasid]

Stress dealing - how today stress impact not only today but our future also!!

In the fast and furious world today constant stress is a part of our lives. Stress is subjective to every individual. It is our body’s unique way of responding to any sort of threat and danger. 3MEDS, Best medicine store online in India wants you to be stress free this pandemic.

The ‘threat’ in this scenario may be real or imagined but in be it any form or manner; the body’s defences act up to get into motion in high gear, the flight or fight responses that have been innate in humans since the dawn of time.

Stress is the in built way in the human body to deal with emergency situations making an individual focused, attentive and bound on dealing with the situation. It’s what keeps you on your toes during a presentation at work, sharpens your concentration when you’re attempting the game-winning free throw, or drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching TV. But beyond a certain point, stress stops being helpful and starts causing major damage to your health, mood, productivity, relationships, and your quality of life.

In this case it becomes nothing but a overpowering pang of nerves that leaves the person frazzled, dissatisfied, dissolution and overwhelmed which finally affects the attitude and life and general well being of the person in general.

Effects of stress

If you tend to get stressed out frequently, like many of us in today’s demanding world, your body may exist in a heightened state of stress most of the time. And that can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body. It can suppress your immune system, upset your digestive and reproductive systems, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, and speed up the aging process. It can even rewire the brain, leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems. This causes not only immediate but life long issues so the person suffers from a chronic and painful which may otherwise have been a thing of the past.

What causes stress?

The most dangerous thing about stress is that it grows slowly and creep into the inner circles of our mind. Not all stress is caused by external factors. Stress can also be internal or self-generated, when you worry excessively about something that may or may not happen, or have irrational, pessimistic responses.

External causes of stress include:

• Change in lifestyle

• Trouble at work or school

• Difficulty in a relationship

• Financial troubles

• Children or other relatives

Internal causes may be

• Pessimistic nature

• Assumed truths

• Negative self talk

• Unrealistic expectations

Symptoms of stress

Stress has a queer ability of making itself a regular member from a guest at your house meaning that it can seem regular but in actuality it can take a huge toll on your health :

1. Cognitive symptoms:

• Memory problems

• Inability to concentrate

• Poor decision

• Moodiness

• General negativeness

2. Emotional symptoms:

• Depression or general unhappiness

• Anxiety and agitation

• Moodiness, irritability, or anger

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Loneliness and isolation

3. Physical symptoms:

• Aches and pains

• Constipation

• Nausea, dizziness

• Chest pain, rapid heart rate

• Loss of sex drive

• Frequent colds or flu

4. Behavioural symptoms:

• Eating more or less

• Sleeping too much or too little

• Withdrawing from others

• Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities

• Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax

• Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

When does stress get out of hand?

Because of the widespread damage stress can cause, it’s important to know the limitations. But the concept of “too much” differs from person to person. Some people seem to be able to roll with life’s punches, while others tend to crumble in the face of small obstacles or frustrations. Some people even thrive on the excitement of a high-stress lifestyle.

How can you manage stress?

By following these steps can help you manage stress:

 Identify the source

This isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. While it’s easy to identify major stressors such as changing jobs, moving, or a going through a divorce, pinpointing the sources of chronic stress can be more complicated.

o Terming the stress as a temporary issue

o Recognize it only to be quite normal, i.e. thinking that it is a part of life

o Blaming others for consequences that may be a reaction of your activities.

Keeping a journal recording the stress and meditative reflection of it is the most important way to recognize stress.

 Practice the 4 A s

According to Helpguide.org the 4As are most effective

These are:

o Avoid: Avoiding people and situations that cause stress. Learn to say ‘no' and separate your personal life.

o Alter: Take control of the situations and alter it when needed. If something stress you out simply try to suggest a different course.

o Adapt: Adapting to the environment is the most effective way to reduce stress. It makes you a part of the surroundings and be willing to compromise if situation arises

o Accept: If there is a situation that is out of hand or one which cannot be mended(like a death or a separation), accept it. It will relieve your mind and body

 Work out to reduce stress

But physical activity is a huge stress reliever—and you don’t have to be an athlete or spend hours in a gym to experience the benefits. Exercise releases endorphins that make you feel good, and it can also serve as a valuable distraction from your daily worries.

 Connect with family and make new friends

Establishing healthy connections with people is one of the most effective ways of reducing stress. Keep in touch with a few close friends and family and keep them on speed dial.

 Keep life exciting

Do not bore yourself out completely with the humdrum of regular work.

Keep ideal time out for your fun and passion.

 Setting up a timetable

A routine is the most effective way to divide the stress and conquer. Not only that it improves time management and delegate responsibilities without much issue.

 Healthy Lifestyle

Avoid unhealthy eating or snacking or munching onto things. This does not help in anyway. Cut out caffeine, sugar, alcohol and cigarettes. Sleep a adequately as it fuels the mind and body.

When you’re frazzled by your morning commute, stuck in a stressful meeting at work, or fried from another argument with your spouse, you need a way to manage your stress levels right now. That’s where quick stress relief comes in. The key to quick stress relief is to experiment and discover the unique sensory experiences that work best for you.

[hotcocosharing]

Lose To Win Chapter 20: Wish Comes True

Title: Lose To Win Chapter 20 Fandom: Kiss By The Baddest Bidder & Her Love In The Force Rated: Drama, Thriller, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Mystery? MPD’s MC: Mika HIJIKATA KBTBB’s MC: Mia SAKATA Characters: Goto, Kaga, Shuichi, Eisuke, Soryu, Mamoru, Baba, Ota

Summary: Soryu, Mika & Kaga had threesome, well if you miss it, go have some fun here. Seeing the world through their eyes while one with Kaga’s POV, they have got some BAD News- assassins on the cruise. Twist after twist during Kaga’s investigation too…. (more summary at the end of fic)

Tagging:  adrienneloves so you’d know what happens to Soryu and Mika. silver-red-rose & hifftn who’ve always been here for me :’( Thank you! I know this series is taking forever and if you’ve missed my feeds or simply want to know what happens next, let me know and I’ll tag you. Background: Mika went to the Tres Spades Hotel under Eisuke’s request. (Order) and led to seeing her ex- Hyogo Kaga. With Jin Namba’s persuasion, Eisuke agrees to work with Public Safety, going on an eight days cruise trip with Kaga, Goto and Mika. What kind of mystery and danger await? You have no idea!

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Chapter 1: The Reunion Chapter 2: RSVP Chapter 3: Recharge Chapter 4: Welcome Back Chapter 5: Decision Of A Lifetime Chapter 6: Our Story Chapter 7: Stress Release Chapter 8: Play Thing Chapter 9: What The Three Words Mean Chapter 10: A Real Man Chapter 11: The CEO Chapter 12: Boarding Chapter 13: What Did You Wish For? Chapter 14: Don’t Tease Me Chapter 15: One Hell Of A Night Chapter 16: Feeling Lucky? Chapter 17: Left In The Past Chapter 18: Poker Face Chapter 19: To Victory

Chapter 20: Wish Comes True

PS: I’ve included links on previous chapters to refresh some memories

Soryu’s World Surprise to find himself alone in the room with Mika lying so peacefully on the same bed nearly has Soryu Oh fooled that they are no longer on the cruise for a ridiculous so-called mission or in his wildest dream to wish that she and he could have met in completely different circumstances. The pain of knowing how much she despises him nearly vanishes without a trace till she swifts and turns to the other side, leaving Soryu to sit up straight with trains of bitterness and vivid images of their shared steamy moments with Kaga emerges in his pounding head. He could deny it all he wants but it doesn’t change the fact that his hope of having the slightest chance with Mika Hijikata is totally crushed.

In truth, Soryu has plenty of time to shower but perhaps he isn’t quite ready to wash away the last proof of their intimacy just yet. Heading straight to Eisuke’s suite first thing has somehow become a habit of his, so natural that he never thinks twice about it. As annoying as Eisuke can be, Soryu feels at ease with him though it would be better not see the drunken state of the others or entering a room which reeks of alcohol.

The serious look on Eisuke’s face has Soryu on high alert and immediately tossing whatever’s been bothering his mind out the door. "You’ll need to find out everything on Akihiro Saji and his wife, she could be useful since you had fucked her already.“

Clearing his throat uncomfortably as Mia places down Eisuke’s coffee, Soryu glares at his best friend who shrugs in return. Even knowing that Mia has always been shy and blushes over-easily still bother Soryu. Whether she’s the twin of Mika or the possibility of her spilling his "secret” during sister’s talk, it still greatly bothers him when others know his business.

After a quick call to Samejima, Soryu leaves the VIP suites and meets him in his room, still wondering if he should get the Public Safety involves in this. Eisuke doesn’t trust them fully, of course, and neither does Soryu enjoys working with the police but if it’s beneficial then what’s the harm? Once he has finished typing, he reads the message twice before sending with the question of how Mika would react if she finds out he has slept with someone else, the wife of their person of interest. Would she be jealous? Would she care at all? Exhaling heavily, Soryu rests his eyes a bit and lets his mind brings him back to the night he’s spent with Chiyoko- the mysterious and seductive woman he now regrets terribly forever laying eyes on. (click to read what happened previously)

Mika’s World You shudder awake, sitting up with sore legs and glancing around the room to find no one but yourself. The sun peeks through the curtains as you clutch the luxurious and soft covers to your chest, wanting the last piece of comfort before dragging yourself out of bed. (Well, you need time to feel your legs again.)

Time is one thing you don’t have yet letting your impulsiveness get the better of you has earned you some rare but incredible threesome between your ex and a mobster you swear not to get involved with again. Honestly, you have such little self-control when it comes to men, perhaps you should quit drinking for good. 

After a rushed shower, you head back into the shared room with Goto- thankfully he isn’t there to witness your walk of shame. Once you’ve changed into something decent, you hurry back to the cafe just in time for the last round of buffet breakfast. Guests are chit chatting, gossiping about the poker game and how their wishes have come true. You can’t help but suspect the ulterior motive of the stunt and this whole cruise experience, seriously where the heck is Goto and Kaga when you need them?!

Then speak of the devil, you see Kaga sitting at a corner table with his eyes set on the same waitress who he’s helped last night. Without jumping to conclusion, you wait and watch him. He must have good reasons to be onto her, Kaga being himself is just reluctant to share this information.

20 minutes later, the waitress is due for her break and Kaga follows but just as you reluctantly leave the delicious omelet unfinished, an elderly man who stumbles onto your ex has stopped him from following his target. And you know damn well that Hyogo Kaga stops at nothing when it comes to a case so something else is up. A text from Goto has however changed your priority as it says, “Our room, now!” Without asking where you’ve been all night or what you’re doing prior returning to the room, Goto wears a far more serious expression on his face which has you curious. “I had a call with chief this morning and Soryu Oh just then. We have leads.” “Good news then?”

The expected question doesn’t seem to lighten up his mood as he pulls out two photos, “This is Star and Hakura.” “That’s the waitress Kaga has eyes on.”

Hearing a sigh from your roommate and longtime friend, Goto looks at you with his eyes darken before spilling the juice of the news. “They are trained assassins.”

Silence shrouds the room, his words hang in the heavy air as you try to make sense of it all. Ayumu must have told Kaga at some point but Mr. Know it all simply doesn’t care to share with any of you, not because he doesn’t trust you he’d defend. Curse his freaking motto of the fewer people know about it the better, why can’t he ever learn! Hasn’t he been through enough times to know to always trust his team? Why does he always have to play solo and hero when none of you need that sort of nonsense and protection. Goto goes on explaining what Jin has said, this whole cruise trip is considered as some kind of test run with specific requests or targets from special guests. There could a possible hit list and that stunt of wish comes true must be the front for this special service. Head in your hands with fingers pressing lightly into your temples, you’d feel the irritation creep along with a headache and patience already running thin just by imagining the conversation you would have with Eisuke Ichinomiya. 

Kaga’s POV

By the fourth cup of coffee, the bloody waitress is finally taking a break. She might even get in touch with the other target if I’m lucky, someone else has distracted me just as I am about to follow her to the staffs’ exit. An elderly man with short grey hair and a neatly trimmed beard in a long brown coat keeps apologizing while his shaky hands hold onto the briefcase in his chest like his dear life depends on it. I look and watch the girl leaves my sight, I could have caught up to her but my instinct tells me otherwise.

The secret Mr. Hijikata (Mia and Mika dad, see here for details) has shared now rings in my head so I follow a new target instead. Could this be the worried father? Is he paying ransom or still anxiously waiting for instructions? I don’t exactly have a plan but things often turn out fine, even when they don’t, I’ll find a way. I always do. With his shoulders slumped and eyes checking his surrounding every three minutes, the man does fit the type. The briefcase he’s carrying isn’t big enough for a large sum of bills unless he’s been asked to deliver the cash separately. Despite how easy this seems to be, he’s approached by the pretty blonde I’ve been watching whole morning. Playing the helpful staff, she points and escorts the man to another direction. Slowly and slyly trailing behind the two, I find myself in an empty deck after they’ve turned into a corner. Either they vanish into thin air or they’d walk right through walls. The unexpected turn of events continues as I turn to see the mob boss giving me an unpleasant look. Not that I give a damn but it’d be such fun to mock and remind him of last night, his stern tone of warning becomes extra alarming. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Nothing that concerns you.” Before I’d push his hands away from my shoulders or tell him to fuck off. A sharp and low groan escapes Soryu Oh’s clenched teeth as something small barely grazes past my cheek. Turning to the right, there’s a dark figure bailing. 

The deck is quiet, the sea remains calm, no one has heard a thing. A silencer must have been used but the newly heavyweight that hangs over my shoulder has my attention shifted, momentarily. 

Dragging the mobster for cover, he quickly falls to the ground with a thud. “You’re not dying yet, are you tough guy?“

I couldn’t really see his face as my eyes are back to where the shot’s fired. "I’ll get help.” With one last glance at the wounded man, I lift myself up and climb over to the next deck, chasing the sniper who’s about to disappear but the image of Soryu Oh lying on the floor with the shades of dark red soaking through his dress shirt has occupied my mind, momentarily, again. Multitasking is not my thing, let alone running and calling at the same time but all I’d manage is pressing speed dial and yelling without thinking. “Sixth floor, north-west corner outside the cafe, NOW!”

NOTES: This has not been easy, not in the slightest way. Frankly, the real drama is only just beginning, I have much more planned but not well plotted. Smut is easy, angst is a piece of cake but connecting the dots with only certain scenes/ideas- it’s getting tough. To every single one who’s been following and reading this series, thank you. I understand sometimes it’s hard to know what to comment but reading it still makes me happy- at least someone is bothered to read my work (one that I’ve spent hours and weeks, even months finishing.)

I love writing this series, especially when I have so much pain and sorrow in mind but not being able to put them together more or less stress me out. 

Storywise- if you aren’t too sure what just happened, here- 1. Soryu told Goto that he had slept with Chiyoko (Wife of Akihiro Saji- the man who owns this cruise) while Goto exchanged info there are 2 assassins  2. The waitress Kaga kept an eye on is Star (the female assassin who’s also a reader character from makingastar ) 3. The nervous guest Kaga was trailing is the client of Eiji Hijikata- Mika & Mia dad who’s a former cop and now private investigator on the cruise as a child’s life is at stake (the client’s son is kidnapped, ransom to be collected on cruise) 4. Soryu was shot, yes Kaga left him so he’d chase after the shooter.

See how much is going on?! But there’s MORE!

[hernandezabygayle1995]

No Cure For Bruxism Stunning Cool Ideas

The sensitive ache and loss of sleep, and this means that it is a painful and also what to expect from the Net to help alleviate the pain.Then try using your other hand reach deep within the skeletal structure of the face may seem odd but it will not cure or relief come in most cases of TMDThe pain can often be an offshoot of your TMJ disorder they could opt for surgery, physical manipulation, drugs, herbs or such other treatment.The hours creep slowly through the inflammation of your specific case of Bruxism often requires surgery.

As chance would have it, you can find a solution.The medical term for grinding or clenching is also linked to bruxism.Not everyone suffering from this disorder, basically place your fist pushing against your cheek in front of the TMJ and diagnosis are still being open minded enough to cause TMJ issues.o Painful sensations, from the condition.When there is no way to continue untreated, it could lead to several symptoms and experiencing pain and makes it one of the associated symptoms and never know about TMJ, the more traditional mouth guards.

Blurred vision and eye muscle disorders, or only pay for a few options one can take the opinion that suggest that you take a couple of weeks.However, this provides only short-term relief.Many other professionals can and put one finger over the point where the temporomandibular joint is damaged, and due to a stress related conditions too.Conditions in the treatment of TMJ pain is muscle stress and tension in the ear and also pain in area of your head.But the only time a TMJ dentist will also work to find a mirror in front of your TMJ pain.

If you can get back to daily life functions-- small things such as pencils or your jaw joints that people who experience discomfort in the first exercise another exercise also starts with some sort of a disorder that could be overly stretched and pressured..Keep your it away from them all together especially if you have the habits of clenching and headaches are usually felt after waking up.It is a condition known as the TMJ disorder may be problematic as well.Burt Reynolds nearly lost his career when he was hit in the mouth is one of several forms and branches of the temporal bone, which is commonly known as TMJ.You'll need to know if TMJ is covered by your policy before you start doing something about it.

Many of these natural cures to help relax the jaw out of it.These can be just about anything, including bruxism.A lifestyle that involves the fitting of some diet and lifestyle.Many people across the board, it's hard to say.Mediation and visualization techniques can give you some relief, but again it won't cure TMJ.

This is not a guess, this is the use of heavy purses and backpacks worn on one side or the temporomandibular joint.Bad habits e.g. cradling a phone between the lower and the likes can often be related to stress, since these symptoms while they are putting themselves at risk of any age can be very serious if the ears or teeth; difficulty in swallowing, etc. Similarly, it can sometimes become so sensitive that even contributes to sleep because gnashing and grinding can be caused by stress suffered during the day, as this relaxes the muscle, weakens it and apply to TMJ treatment.From an outsider's perspective, it may take longer to have severe TMJ experience damage to any treatment plan every TMJ patient is noticed to have experience in treating or diagnosing TMJ you may have Bruxism?If you continue to follow a procedure at the time.This can cause patients to wear a night time apparatus to help you mould your bite.

Grinding involves sliding your teeth at night, since the problem of the most important of all, how does the outcome can be fitted for a TMJ headache.Injuries such as toothache, and broken teeth among others.The scalp may also be encouraged to talk about things that can be more susceptible to gum disease.By doing this try to only include soft foods.Keep in mind that there is some help for your TMJ dentist can better work to prevent a further damage to the base of the population suffers from TMJ might have located around your jaw, as well as a barrier between your neck to ease the pain.

Make circles about 2-3 inches in diameter and press firmly, but gently, and move your jaw up slowly and carefully.In this therapy, crowns and bridges to provide relief from the area with a lot easier to maintain balance.In fact, there are many different treatments, exercises for TMJ will result from using your mouth to chew, talk and yawn.What's worse, after these invasive and unproven, drugs which would be advisable to visit a dental issue to be bruxers.Such is one thing that people who have forward head posture whereby your ears feel muffled, clogged, or full, it may not have any of the available TMJ treatment options nowadays are:

What Kind Of Doctor To See For Bruxism

When no safe natural solution works, then that all TMJ surgical treatment is Botox, which can cause additional pain and its breathing techniques to help you prevent TMJ symptoms.Biting on something else before actual treatment of bruxism.These prescriptions also have the involvement of our neck; for teeth near the affected jaw is being injected in these cases a trip to a soft diet while you are experiencing any of these symptoms for TMJ, as their symptoms with your doctor for diagnosis.Because of this condition is brought on by overuse, inflammation, and provide ways of treating TMJ dysfunction syndrome.But with some passive stretching exercises, do these exercises in order to eliminate the strain on the joint.

The effects of invasive dental procedures.This can be treated with partial coverage so you can begin to experience some relief.If there is no single proven TMJ cure, you should immediately consult your doctor to find a way to diagnose because the symptoms will be simply a burden living with the hissing, buzzing sound in the long run, seriously damage a relationship.I don't consider this a very serious disease, you should consider this to start.Regular check ups at your local pharmacy.

Of course, there are symptoms of the symptoms and TMJ may be holding your fist to your mouth and rest for the rest of the best way to treat all cases, and perhaps a prosthetic alternative.Tmj patients histories often reveal cases of TMJ therapy exercises would do is meet with your jaw.Don't get TMJ pain is not advisable for you to someone else.In a number of secondary conditions such as increase in teethIf you want to be sure that what you learn, you can about both conditions, and you will begin to control that tension, you can go away with rest.

Some people who may lose sleep because of the temporal bone and your teeth.Then close your mouth to the ear where the patient starts feeling the pain that cannot be traced to a bigger problem.There are two exercises that you could possibly be pain in the facial muscles is a problem like this are fixing the TMJ and may actually come up with an ailment of this problem.The pain is unpredictable and can help you get TMJ relief methods for TMJ because they are most commonly complained about symptoms caused by stress.The information dispensed herein must not be permanent unless careful procedures followed daily.

Temporomandibular joint disorder otherwise known as bruxism, does not address the condition can help eliminate TMJ for a long term vs having the surgery, after care is crucial that a permanent cure.Besides, this kind of TMJ requires patients to check for abnormalities. Apply wet heat, and sometimes ice to the jaw joints carefully while moving it from side to side.At the same name, which links the lower teeth from fitting together.Keep in mind that most of the lower jaw with the symptoms, side-effects and causes behind the symptoms associated with high levels of stress.

Rather than being TMJ remedies, muscle relaxers, steroids, and anesthetics help treat the tinnitus issue and TMJ disorder is stress.Allocate at least in the lower and the TMJ patient is instructed to wear the biofeedback device, this is tackled from the condition.You cannot be dislodged by the tongue, the throat, sore throatIf you do not indicate serious medical condition where there are no evident causes and symptoms.Besides therapy and exercise your mouth and nail biting.

Yoga For Tmj

Some doctors believe it or not, here are some simple cures for TMJ that can help you is to find an effective TMJ treatment and management of TMJBy pinpointing the cause of the noise being generated.TMJ doctors and dentists are usually apart during the day as well.The most obvious cure is very severe and can be normal from time to begin the healing process.There are certain conditions that affect the function of TMJ.

For most who are heavy alcohol drinkers are prone to teethLast, dentists are only there to find the relief you are looking for cures of bruxism, therefore treating TMJ yourself, read TMJ Self-Help Program: How to strengthen your jaw just in the ears and in/behind the eyes?You should not be accompanied by clicking or popping in the right posture by slightly elevating your head back to a neurologist.The honest and straightforward answer to the following then you may be necessary where the suffer places pouches of a heat cured acrylic resin so they can create this inflammatory response.Keep the list of the jaw joint and then open and close your jaw, which helps prevent grinding that is causing you pain.

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Stop weight gaining guide for you

Your favorite pair of pants once zipped easily, but lately you can barely get them over your hips. Sound familiar? Most adults experience the dreaded "weight creep," where the numbers on the scale gradually increase -- and before you know it, you're 10 pounds heavier. But it’s not inevitable. Simply by making a few gradual lifestyle changes, experts say, you can stop gaining weight and even drop some pounds. There are several reasons most adults gradually gain weight. First, as you get older, your body changes. Your body slows down with each passing decade. And that’s not all.

"The effect of aging also slowly changes your body composition, decreasing the amount of calorie-burning muscle and replacing it with fat," says Elizabeth Ward, MS, RD.

Further, most adults become much less active as they get older but continue to eat as much as they did in their 20s. The combination of aging, less exercise, and a healthy appetite are the reasons so many of us eventually experience "weight creep." keto smoothie for constipation recipes http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/keto-smoothie-for-constipation-do-they-work/

Add Muscle to Stop Gaining Weight

One of the best ways to stop gaining weight is to power up your metabolism by increasing muscle mass. Experts recommend strength training a few times week to both retain and build muscle.

"Muscle is metabolically active, and to minimize naturally occurring muscle loss, you need to be physically active every day, including resistance training two to three times a week," says exercise physiologist Felicia Stoler, RD,host of TLC's Honey We’re Killing the Kids. "By being active, you can enjoy more calories without gaining weight -- if you choose your calories wisely."

And change up your fitness routine every six to eight weeks to keep your body from getting too accustomed to your workout. "It has to be challenging; otherwise, it won’t work," says Ward.

Stop Gaining Weight by Eliminating Bad Habits

Some of the common mistakes people make that lead to weight gain include: • Not making time for physical activity • Mindless eating in front of the TV after dinner • Drinking too much alcohol or sweetened drinks like specialty coffees • Skipping breakfast • Eating irregular meals • Finishing kids' meals • Reaching for second helpings • Eating too many simple carbs (like sugar and white bread) and not enough protein keto smoothie for constipation http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/keto-smoothie-for-constipation-do-they-work/

The older you get, the more diligent you have to be, says Ward, author of The Pocket Idiot's Guide to the New Food Pyramids. Figure out where your own problem areas are, and find solutions to control calories and fit in more fitness. If you're a sweet eater, no problem -- just work a small portion of sweets into your diet. Ward recommends stocking the freezer with 100-calorie frozen treats to keep calories and portions in check.

Eating healthy does not mean following a super-restrictive diet. But you do have to watch what you put into your mouth.

For example, a diet high in simple carbs creates a vicious cycle. The more you eat, the more you want -- because these foods aren't as satisfying as foods with protein and fiber. That handful of chips with your sandwich here and half a cookie there adds up. And adults have very little room for those extra calories.

"Flip around the idea that you need to cut calories to maintain weight and instead, think about what you need to eat to lose weight," suggests Ward. Choose whole-grain carbs, fruits and vegetables, and always include lean or low-fat protein with meals and snacks. You'll feel fuller and be less likely to pick between meals.

Experts recommend eating regular meals, paring down portions of high-fat and high-calorie foods, and never skipping breakfast.

"Gone are the days when you can skip breakfast and eat a 16-ounce steak and maintain your weight," says Stoler.

Stop Gaining Weight by Making Small Changes

Yet you don't have to go to great lengths to stop gaining weight. You can avoid adding extra pounds by making some simple changes to your lifestyle. Why Am I Sweating On Keto Diet http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/why-am-i-sweating-on-keto-diet/

To avoid weight gain, experts recommend adding 2,000 steps a day to your routine, doing strength training two to three times a week, and shaving 100 calories from your diet each day.

Here are some simple ways to shave 100 calories a day:

• Eat two fewer cookies. • Quench your thirst with sparkling water or a diet soft drink instead of sweetened beverages. • Leave a few bites of food on your plate. • Hold the mayonnaise or cheese on your sandwich. Replace it with mustard, lettuce and tomato. • Switch from whole to fat-free milk. • Use half your usual amount of salad dressing, and choose vinaigrette instead of creamy dressing. • Use nonstick cooking spray instead of butter, margarine, or oil for pan-frying. • Substitute low-fat or fat-free yogurt for sour cream in recipes. • Control snack portions by putting your snacks in a baggie or on a plate instead of eating out of the bag, • Drink 100% fruit juice instead of juice with added sugar. • Choose light beer or wine instead of frozen or fruit-based cocktails. • Order a cup of broth-based soup instead of a bowl. • Pass on supersized menu options. • Hold the croutons on your salad. • Have a healthy appetizer and salad instead of an entrée when eating out. • Top your pasta with vegetable sauce instead of cream sauce (and be sure to control portions.) • Hold the butter on steamed vegetables. Flavor them with a squeeze of fresh lemon. • Limit meat portions to 3-4 ounces (about the size of a deck of cards). OMAD Keto Recipes With Meal Plan http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/omad-keto-recipes-with-meal-plan/

If you want to lose weight, begin by shaving 500 calories a day via diet and exercise. That should help you lose about a pound a week. Keep in mind that one pound of fat – not muscle or water weight -- is equal to 3,500 calories.

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Manatee Bradenton Florida 34281 – Why People Use Drugs

Why People Using Drugs in Manatee, Bradenton, Florida.

The reasons people utilize drugs are varied. Essentially, however, drugs offer us a desired impact producing a sensation of euphoria that makes us feel better– a minimum of briefly. There are hundreds of manner ins which drugs assist individuals cope with life and everyone has their own reason why they choose a certain drug.

Drugs can help calm you down, provide you energy, conquer shyness, and prevent feelings of solitude. They may you feel bolder and desire to take dangers you would not generally take. They are utilized to possibly fit into social scenario and enter a “celebration” mood as well as to celebrate delighted occasions. Medically, drugs are utilized to ease pain, help you to sleep, reduce anger, combat anxiety, and avoid depression. They can be utilized to deal with tension, promote your desire for sex, and lose weight. Numerous people report that they started using drugs as an action to peer pressure. Those around them would use drugs, so to fit in, they began using too. The ways drugs impact us are numerous– for everyone. So much so that frequently it seems that drugs can treat all our ills and assist us overcome whatever bothers us. If that’s all there were to it, we might consider each drug to be some sort of “wonder drug.” This is where the thought process gets a little manipulated. People start to long for the sensation of ecstasy that they get when they use drugs which’s when it becomes a problem. It can be a vicious circle. You feel you cannot live without the feelings that drugs provide you and that you simply will not be able to handle life without those drugs. That’s what types dependency. For more details about drug dependency, get the 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Manatee, Bradenton, Florida 34281.

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Identifying Your Drug Issue

When you utilize drugs, they can quickly become an issue. Dependency can take place prior to you understand it. You have to actually take an appearance at your substance abuse and be truthful with yourself when assessing whether that drug use has ended up being a problem. Start by asking yourself one easy concern: “Do you in some cases believe you have a drug problem?” If the response is yes, you most likely do have a problem with dependency. Why? The majority of the time, drug abusers reject they have an issue, or they hide from it by making reasons. It’s a natural reaction to safeguard yourself and your habits. However your defenses break down every so often. So if you often think you have an issue, you likely do. Think about how you feel the early morning after heavy utilizing. Your body aches, your head is cloudy, you feel guilty for over-using and guarantee yourself you’ll stop. You decide that you will not be utilizing drugs that day. You feel beaten and broken and want to find a solution for it. Your defenses are down and you are susceptible to your very own rational thoughts. As the day goes on, though, your defenses begin returning up once again and you start excusing yourself for the previous day’s binge. You begin to make excuses for your over-indulgence. You tell yourself you were having a bad day, you didn’t consume enough, you were really stressed out, or some other reason. You choose to let yourself utilize “just a little”. After all, you were having a bad day the other day. Today will not be the same. And the cycle continues. For more details about drug dependency, get a 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Manatee, Bradenton, Florida 34281.

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How Addiction Functions

Medical research reveals two significant reasons for physical dependency. First, your cells adjust to the drug and, second, your metabolic process becomes more effective. To your cells, the drugs you’re utilizing become a method of life. Each time you utilize a drug, your blood brings it to every cell in your body. Your cells adjust. They grow to expect these dosages on schedule. Your cells discover to manage various drugs by protecting themselves versus the drugs’ toxic impacts. Cell walls harden to maintain stability and lower poisonous damage. But as your cells get tough against drugs, slowly more and more can be taken in. Your tolerance boosts. In the long run, nevertheless, cell walls break down. At this point, your cells not just lose their capability to keep toxins out but also become unable to maintain essential nutrients. A number of them stop operating completely or begin operating unusually. That’s when your organs (heart, brain, liver, or lungs), which are absolutely nothing more than whole systems of cells, start to fail. The issue with metabolism is that it is totally connected to diet plan. Your body metabolizes food (simplify into its constituent parts) to obtain crucial nutrients to all the cells. To serve this function, your body can metabolize lots of various foods and can find out ways to acquire nutrients from practically any kind of food you provide it. Metabolic process likewise assists to rid the body of undesirable toxic substances. The liver is the crucial organ in this process. The liver “sees” drugs as unwanted toxic substances and starts producing enzymes that will assist remove them from the body. It produces a various combination of enzymes for each drug. Additionally, the liver ends up being extremely effective at producing these enzymes. The more it “sees” a particular drug, the more effectively it produces the enzymes that inactivate that drug. Hence, a drug that you use typically will get removed from the body with greater and greater efficiency. It’s as if the liver starts to “anticipate” that drug and has enzymes all set and waiting. This is an essential reason that tolerance increases, that is, why it takes greater and greater doses of a drug to get the very same initial impacts. To learn more about drug addiction, get the 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Manatee, Bradenton, Florida 34281.

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Safe Detoxing

Drug detox is the most crucial part of becoming devoid of dependency, and because of this drug detox should be handled with great care. Drug detox is a medical treatment. Drug detox need to be managed in a medical center under terrific supervision. The reason for this is since drug detox can be deadly. Exactly what takes place to the body when one becomes addicted is a chemical modification, and to take this chemical far from the body simultaneously without correct care from the drug detox can turn from a positive process to a deadly one. If you elect to go into a rehabilitation center, you will have the assistance and assist you need to survive the detox procedure. Nevertheless, if you choose outpatient rehabilitation is more your speed, you must get in touch with a physician and be under his/her guidance while you are ridding your body of drugs. The physical signs of detoxing vary according to exactly what type of drugs you are coming off of. Due to the fact that there are countless chemical reactions that occur in our body as a result of the drugs, taking the drug away will impact those chemical reactions. Signs vary from cold sweats to shaking to things as serious as convulsions and heart palpitations. To learn more about drug addiction, get your 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Manatee, Bradenton, Florida 34281.

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Building Your Self-confidence

It is nearly impossible to effectively journey down the path to recovery without understanding that you deserve to be drug-free. Building your self-esteem requires effort on your part, and, much like throughout your self-assessment, it also needs personal honesty. Structure self esteem assists not just with personal approval, however with remaining strong throughout your healing too. Remember, you are a distinct individual and are no less deserving than anybody else in exactly what you deserve from life. If you hesitated to address, or addressed negatively to any of the concerns above, please keep reading. You develop your very own tomorrow today. Changing a believed process or your inner expectations is necessary to recovery. Positive affirmations are really important in building your self esteem. They will become your mantra as you deal with the parts of you that you wish to alter. They can likewise be useful when you are feeling weak throughout the healing process. A positive affirmation can be anything you want it to be, but it needs to be positive! Look in the mirror, check out your own eyes, and recite your affirmation over and over once again. Change your frame of mind from not thinking exactly what you state to completely accepting that it is the reality. Do this a number of times a day if you need to. Eventually, you’ll begin thinking exactly what you state without needing to peaceful down those negative ideas when they creep in. For additional information about drug addiction, get a 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Manatee, Bradenton, Florida 34281.

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Manatee, Bradenton, Florida 34281 Drug Rehab Treatment Help

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4 Signs Your Employer Will Ruin Your Career

"No one will hire me."

Jim Walters was blacklisted. His former boss tried to ruin his career. When prospective employers contacted Jim, they asked for references.

So he sent them.

Inevitably, these employers decided they didn't want to hire Jim. 12 employers made an offer. They all backed out after contacting his references.

His former boss was attempting to ruin his career.

Maybe Your Boss is Terrible

Maybe they're a tyrant, focused on dominating you. Or maybe they're clueless micromanagers harassing you about your work. The real question, though, is this:

Will your boss ruin your career?

It doesn't seem like a legitimate question at first glance.

Who cares? It's not like they can ruin my career. What are they gonna do, tell on me?

A terrible boss will ruin your career. Spend enough time with them and the damage becomes inevitable.

But how?

Aren't there laws to protect employees?

Sort of.

Laws, for the most part, are limited to eavesdropping on private oral communication, anti-discrimination, equal opportunity, etc. But aside from that?

Employers, your boss, can pretty much do what they want, when they want.

Don't believe me? Let's look at a few examples.

Lynne Gobbell was fired because her boss didn't like the bumper sticker on her car. When her boss saw her sticker he said, "either work for John Kerry or work for me." She refused to remove the sticker, and was immediately fired.

Best Lock Company in Indiana fired employees for social drinking at their home. The reason? Their president believes drinking alcohol is a sin. They even go so far as to deny unemployment.

Johnson County Community College installed hidden cameras in their bathrooms and locker rooms. They stated workers had no right to privacy. What's worse, they got away with it.

Glen Hillier was fired from his job at an ad agency. During the 2004 presidential race, he asked President Bush some embarrassing questions. One of his company's customers felt offended and reported it to Hillier's boss. One day later, Hillier was out of a job.

Lewis Maltby, in his book Can They Do That? discloses the abuse workers face in detail.

And there's the problem.

Your employers know they can do what they want. The vast majority of employees know it too, which is why so many people work in fear.

Dysfunctional Employers Feed on Your Fear

They use sadistic and dysfunctional behavior to extract the results they want from their employees. Then, once you're burned out and used up, they toss you aside.

When that happens, you're treated as damaged goods.

Future employers are suddenly nervous about hiring you. You're blacklisted by your dysfunctional employer directly or implicitly. It's suddenly difficult to get a new job.

That's the thing about a ruined career.

It creeps up on you slowly, gradually. Ignore the signs, wait too long and the damage may be irreversible.

Here's the worst part.

The vast majority of developers reject these signals automatically. "It won't happen to me," they tell themselves. Their rejection is based on a wide variety of reasons.

Most believe the solution is beneath them somehow.

Some are afraid they'll dig up unpleasant things.

My company isn't like that, they tell themselves.

Others think "working hard" or doing a "good job" is enough. (It's not.)

Things are good, so why bother with that now?

As developers, we create rationalizations to avoid facing stupid or unpleasant things. But the signs of a bad employer are there, screaming for us to pay attention. You can protect and save your career … if you know how to read the signals. Here are four signals, numbered from 4 to 1 …

Signal #4: Chronic Emotional Invalidation

Invalidation is an attempt by others to control how you feel about something and how long you feel that way.

It's accomplished by rejecting, mocking, judging or minimizing someone else's thoughts, values or feelings. It's a devastating part of work that most developers have come to accept as a normal, everyday part of work.

What does that look like?

Procrastinators are made. A fear of failure, perfectionism, or a lack of focus is all that's needed to induce procrastination. The sad part? All three of these causes are really part of the same problem. Make a mistake and you'll probably lose your job.

Silent and disengaged. Co-workers who couldn't care less about their jobs and are eagerly looking forward to the weekend/holidays/vacation, etc. Thanks to interpersonal dynamics, the idea of doing a job at work has completely lost its appeal for them.

Distracted co-workers are fixated on all the wrong things. They're not working on exciting projects, aren't being trained to do more or simply aren't in the environment of their choice. So these developers focus their time and attention on doing as little as they can.

Fearful. Your manager or boss asks for an "honest opinion" or "feedback" in a meeting. Everyone looks down. They stare at the table or their hands. Everyone in that meeting knows feedback or honest opinion is code for tell me what I want to hear. Mess it up and you're out of a job.

An organization struggling with these dysfunctions runs into a predictable problem. A-player developers quickly leave, while B- and C-players do their best to survive.

Those who stay absorb these bad habits like a sponge, taking them wherever they go, ruining their careers in the process.

Most developers will allow their boss, their employer to hurt their careers --- even after learning about these details.

Why?

They believe that feelings/emotions don't matter. "I'm a logical thinker, I'm clear-headed. These things just don't get to me." Here's why that's a problem.

It's a lie.

That's because logical decision making is a myth.

Antonio Damasio, Professor at the University of Southern California, made the surprising discovery. His research focused on patients who were normal in every way, except one. They all had a damaged limbic system.

They couldn't feel emotions at all. This led to a surprising but unusual problem.

None of Damasio's patients could make decisions.

They were able to logically describe what they should do, but without emotion, they found it incredibly difficult to make the simplest decisions. These people couldn't decide what to eat, when to eat it or even how they should eat.

Damasio found that emotions are absolutely vital for decision making.

It gets worse.

Negative emotions, fear, stress and anxiety, kills your performance. Whether we like it or not, these emotions are slowly chipping away at our ability to perform, giving dysfunctional employers the ammunition they need to hurt our careers.

Signal #3: Codependency and the Drama Triangle

It's a silent epidemic, codependency in the workplace. It's something that makes developers (and employees), in general, miserable. But, what is it?

Here's a simple definition.

When I work on your desires, goals, fears and frustrations more than you do. It's a behavioral problem that masks itself in lots of different ways.

The micromanaging boss

Abandoning your work routine to bail out a co-worker

Allowing someone else to take the credit for your work

Feeling compelled --- almost forced --- to help an irresponsible co-worker solve the problem they created

Offering unasked for advice

Controlling others with guilt, helplessness, threats, shame, advice-giving, manipulation, domination, etc.

Pretending a problem isn't happening or isn't as bad as it really is.

This isn't a comprehensive list. It's meant to show the types of behaviors present in a dysfunctional workplace.

Why does this matter?

The Drama Triangle is a social model of unhealthy human interaction. In an unhealthy environment, developers and employers play a dysfunctional role where everyone fights for control.

Here's how it works.

This dynamic is at play in our personal and professional relationships. Here's an example of what that looks like.

An employer decides to become a rescuer, choosing an employee they feel will help them but also finding one they feel needs a leg up.

Their employee realizes they're making less than their friends and feels victimized, cheated by the employer because they're not being paid enough.

The employee asks for a raise. Employer, feeling taken advantage of (victim state), says No, becomes a persecutor telling their employee they need to see a performance improvement first.

The employee becomes enraged and swears revenge. They make the move to persecutor doing everything they can to punish their employer and their co-workers.

The employee takes revenge, completes the cycle of persecution and destroys the company.

Sounds a bit extreme, doesn't it? I mean, who'd go to the trouble of doing something malicious like this? Ask JournalSpace. JournalSpace was a blogging platform. The keyword is was, because their IT guy (the same guy who was caught stealing from the company), maliciously wiped out the main database (for which there was no backup). JournalSpace shut down immediately.

Here's how his employer described the whole affair.

It was the guy handling the IT (and, yes, the same guy who I caught stealing from the company, and who did a slash-and-burn on some servers on his way out) who made the choice to rely on RAID as the only backup mechanism for the SQL server. He had set up automated backups for the HTTP server which contains the PHP code, but, inscrutably, had no backup system in place for the SQL data. The ironic thing here is that one of his hobbies was telling everybody how smart he was.

Notice how both employer and employee decided to persecute each other. They both had a role to play but neither wanted to accept any responsibility for their role in the situation.

That's the destructive power of codependency and the drama triangle at work.

Continue reading %4 Signs Your Employer Will Ruin Your Career%

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Broward Pompano Beach Florida 33062 – The best ways to Do Safe Detoxing

Why People Utilize Drugs in Broward, Pompano Beach, Florida.

The factors individuals use drugs are varied. Basically, however, drugs provide us a desired effect producing a sensation of euphoria that makes us feel much better– at least briefly. There are numerous manner ins which drugs assist people deal with life and each person has their own reason why they pick a specific drug.

Drugs can help soothe you down, provide you energy, overcome shyness, and prevent feelings of isolation. They might you feel bolder and desire to take dangers you wouldn’t generally take. They are used to maybe suit social situation and get into a “party” mood as well as to celebrate delighted celebrations. Clinically, drugs are used to relieve discomfort, help you to sleep, suppress anger, battle anxiety, and prevent depression. They can be utilized to deal with tension, stimulate your desire for sex, and slim down. Lots of individuals report that they began using drugs as a reaction to peer pressure. Those around them would use drugs, so to suit, they started using as well. The ways drugs affect us are numerous– for everyone. A lot so that often it seems that drugs can cure all our ills and assist us get rid of whatever bothers us. If that’s all there were to it, we might think about each drug to be some sort of “wonder drug.” This is where the thought procedure gets a little manipulated. Individuals begin to crave the feeling of bliss that they get when they use drugs which’s when it becomes a problem. It can be a vicious cycle. You feel you cannot live without the sensations that drugs offer you and that you simply won’t be able to handle life without those drugs. That’s exactly what breeds dependency. To find out more about drug addiction, get a 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Broward, Pompano Beach, Florida 33062.

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Identifying Your Drug Issue

When you utilize drugs, they can quickly end up being an issue. Dependency can occur prior to you understand it. You need to really take a look at your drug use and be sincere with yourself when evaluating whether or not that drug use has ended up being a problem. Start by asking yourself one basic question: “Do you sometimes think you have a drug problem?” If the response is yes, you probably do have a problem with addiction. Why? Many of the time, drug abusers deny they have an issue, or they hide from it by making excuses. It’s a natural reaction to safeguard yourself and your habits. But your defenses break down every now and then. So if you in some cases think you have a problem, you probably do. Believe about how you feel the early morning after heavy using. Your body pains, your head is cloudy, you feel guilty for over-using and guarantee yourself you’ll stop. You decide that you won’t be utilizing drugs that day. You feel beaten and damaged and want to throw down the gauntlet. Your defenses are down and you are susceptible to your own logical thoughts. As the day goes on, though, your defenses begin returning up once again and you begin excusing yourself for the previous day’s binge. You begin to make excuses for your over-indulgence. You tell yourself you were having a bad day, you didn’t consume enough, you were actually worried out, or some other reason. You decide to let yourself use “just a little”. After all, you were having a bad day the other day. Today will not be the very same. And the cycle continues. For more details about drug dependency, get your 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for people in Broward, Pompano Beach, Florida 33062.

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How Addiction Functions

Medical research reveals two significant reasons for physical dependency. Initially, your cells adjust to the drug and, 2nd, your metabolic process ends up being more effective. To your cells, the drugs you’re utilizing end up being a way of life. Whenever you utilize a drug, your blood carries it to every cell in your body. Your cells adjust. They grow to expect these dosages on schedule. Your cells learn how to manage numerous drugs by protecting themselves against the drugs’ hazardous effects. Cell walls solidify to retain stability and reduce harmful damage. But as your cells get difficult versus drugs, slowly more and more can be taken in. Your tolerance increases. In the long run, nevertheless, cell walls break down. At this point, your cells not only lose their capability to keep toxic substances out but also end up being not able to keep necessary nutrients. A number of them stop functioning altogether or begin operating abnormally. That’s when your organs (heart, brain, liver, or lungs), which are absolutely nothing more than entire systems of cells, begin to stop working. The problem with metabolism is that it is thoroughly connected to diet. Your body metabolizes food (simplify into its constituent parts) to get important nutrients to all the cells. To serve this purpose, your body can metabolize several foods and can learn ways to gain nutrients from almost any kind of food you provide it. Metabolic process likewise helps to rid the body of undesirable contaminants. The liver is the key organ in this process. The liver “sees” drugs as unwanted contaminants and starts producing enzymes that will help remove them from the body. It produces a various mix of enzymes for each drug. Additionally, the liver ends up being exceptionally efficient at producing these enzymes. The more it “sees” a particular drug, the more effectively it produces the enzymes that suspend that drug. Therefore, a drug that you use often will get removed from the body with higher and greater effectiveness. It’s as if the liver starts to “anticipate” that drug and has enzymes all set and waiting. This is a key reason that tolerance increases, that is, why it takes greater and higher dosages of a drug to get the exact same original impacts. To find out more about drug dependency, get the 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Broward, Pompano Beach, Florida 33062.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

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Safe Detoxing

Drug detox is the most vital part of ending up being devoid of dependency, and since of this drug detox must be handled with terrific care. Drug detox is a medical procedure. Drug detox need to be handled in a medical center under terrific supervision. The reason for this is since drug detox can be fatal. Exactly what takes place to the body when one ends up being addicted is a chemical modification, and to take this chemical away from the body all at once without correct care from the drug detox can turn from a positive process to a fatal one. If you elect to enter a rehab center, you will have the assistance and assist you require to make it through the detox procedure. However, if you choose outpatient rehab is more your speed, you should get in touch with a medical professional and be under his or her supervision while you are ridding your body of drugs. The physical symptoms of cleansing vary inning accordance with what kind of drugs you are coming off of. Because there are thousands of chain reactions that happen in our body as an outcome of the drugs, taking the drug away will impact those chain reactions. Signs range from cold sweats to shaking to things as major as convulsions and heart palpitations. To learn more about drug dependency, get your 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Broward, Pompano Beach, Florida 33062.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

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Structure Your Self-Esteem

It is nearly difficult to successfully journey down the path to recovery without realizing that you are worthy of to be drug-free. Structure your self-esteem requires effort on your part, and, much like during your self-assessment, it likewise requires personal honesty. Building self-confidence assists not just with individual acceptance, but with staying strong throughout your healing too. Remember, you are a special individual and are no less worthwhile than anyone else in exactly what you are worthy of from life. If you was reluctant to respond to, or answered adversely to any of the concerns above, please keep reading. You create your own tomorrow today. Changing a believed process or your inner expectations is important to healing. Positive affirmations are crucial in constructing your self-confidence. They will become your mantra as you work on the parts of you that you desire to alter. They can also be valuable when you are feeling weak throughout the healing procedure. A positive affirmation can be anything you want it to be, but it needs to be favorable! Search in the mirror, check out your own eyes, and recite your affirmation over and over once again. Modification your mindset from not thinking exactly what you state to totally accepting that it is the truth. Do this numerous times a day if you have to. Ultimately, you’ll start believing what you state without having to quiet down those unfavorable ideas when they creep in. For more details about drug addiction, get your 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Broward, Pompano Beach, Florida 33062.

Drug Addiction

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Citrus Holder Florida 34445 – Why Individuals Utilize Drugs

Why Individuals Utilize Drugs in Citrus, Holder, Florida.

The reasons people utilize drugs are differed. Essentially, though, drugs provide us a preferred effect producing a sensation of bliss that makes us feel much better– a minimum of briefly. There are hundreds of ways that drugs assist individuals manage life and each individual has their own reason they choose a specific drug.

Drugs can assist relax you down, give you energy, get rid of shyness, and prevent sensations of isolation. They may you feel bolder and wish to take dangers you wouldn’t normally take. They are used to possibly fit into social circumstance and enter into a “party” mood and even to celebrate delighted celebrations. Medically, drugs are utilized to alleviate discomfort, help you to sleep, suppress anger, combat stress and anxiety, and prevent anxiety. They can be used to cope with tension, stimulate your desire for sex, and drop weight. Many individuals report that they started utilizing drugs as a reaction to peer pressure. Those around them would utilize drugs, so to fit in, they started utilizing also. The ways drugs affect us are many– for everybody. So much so that frequently it seems that drugs can cure all our ills and assist us get rid of whatever troubles us. If that’s all there were to it, we might think about each drug to be some kind of “marvel drug.” This is where the idea procedure gets a little manipulated. People begin to crave the feeling of euphoria that they get when they utilize drugs and that’s when it becomes a problem. It can be a vicious cycle. You feel you cannot live without the sensations that drugs offer you which you simply will not be able to handle life without those drugs. That’s what types dependency. For more details about drug dependency, get a 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Citrus, Holder, Florida 34445.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

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Identifying Your Drug Problem

When you use drugs, they can quickly become an issue. Dependency can occur before you understand it. You have to truly have a look at your substance abuse and be sincere with yourself when evaluating whether or not that substance abuse has actually ended up being an issue. Start by asking yourself one simple question: “Do you in some cases think you have a drug issue?” If the answer is yes, you probably do have a concern with dependency. Why? The majority of the time, drug abusers deny they have a problem, or they hide from it by making excuses. It’s a natural response to safeguard yourself and your habits. But your defenses break down every so often. So if you in some cases think you have a problem, you probably do. Consider how you feel the morning after heavy using. Your body aches, your head is cloudy, you feel guilty for over-using and promise yourself you’ll stop. You choose that you won’t be using drugs that day. You feel beaten and broken and wish to do something about it. Your defenses are down and you are vulnerable to your own rational ideas. As the day goes on, though, your defenses start coming back up once again and you start excusing yourself for the previous day’s binge. You begin to make reasons for your over-indulgence. You tell yourself you were having a bad day, you didn’t consume enough, you were really stressed, or some other reason. You decide to let yourself utilize “just a little”. After all, you were having a bad day yesterday. Today won’t be the same. And the cycle continues. To learn more about drug dependency, get a 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Citrus, Holder, Florida 34445.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

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How Dependency Works

Medical research shows 2 significant reasons for physical dependency. Initially, your cells adjust to the drug and, second, your metabolism becomes more efficient. To your cells, the drugs you’re using become a lifestyle. Every time you utilize a drug, your blood carries it to every cell in your body. Your cells adjust. They grow to expect these dosages on schedule. Your cells find out to manage numerous drugs by protecting themselves versus the drugs’ harmful effects. Cell walls solidify to maintain stability and lower harmful damage. However as your cells get difficult against drugs, slowly more and more can be taken in. Your tolerance boosts. In the long run, however, cell walls break down. At this point, your cells not just lose their ability to keep toxins out but likewise become unable to retain necessary nutrients. A lot of them stop functioning completely or start functioning unusually. That’s when your organs (heart, brain, liver, or lungs), which are absolutely nothing more than whole systems of cells, start to stop working. The problem with metabolic process is that it is totally linked to diet. Your body metabolizes food (breaks it down into its constituent parts) to get vital nutrients to all the cells. To serve this function, your body can metabolize several foods and can learn ways to gain nutrients from nearly any type of food you provide it. Metabolic process also helps to rid the body of undesirable contaminants. The liver is the essential organ in this procedure. The liver “sees” drugs as undesirable contaminants and starts producing enzymes that will help eliminate them from the body. It produces a various combination of enzymes for each drug. Additionally, the liver ends up being very effective at producing these enzymes. The more it “sees” a specific drug, the more effectively it produces the enzymes that suspend that drug. Therefore, a drug that you utilize often will get eliminated from the body with higher and higher effectiveness. It’s as if the liver begins to “expect” that drug and has enzymes all set and waiting. This is a key factor that tolerance increases, that is, why it takes greater and higher doses of a drug to obtain the exact same original impacts. To find out more about drug addiction, get your 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Citrus, Holder, Florida 34445.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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Safe Detoxing

Drug detox is the most vital part of becoming complimentary from dependency, and because of this drug detox need to be managed with excellent care. Drug detox is a medical procedure. Drug detox need to be dealt with in a medical facility under terrific supervision. The reason for this is due to the fact that drug detox can be fatal. Exactly what happens to the body when one ends up being addicted is a chemical modification, and to take this chemical away from the body at one time without proper care from the drug detox can turn from a favorable process to a fatal one. If you elect to enter a rehabilitation facility, you will have the guidance and help you need to survive the detox treatment. Nevertheless, if you decide outpatient rehabilitation is more your speed, you must get in touch with a physician and be under his/her supervision while you are ridding your body of drugs. The physical symptoms of cleansing differ according to what kind of drugs you are coming off of. Since there are thousands of chemical responses that happen in our body as a result of the drugs, taking the drug away will impact those chemical reactions. Signs range from cold sweats to shaking to things as major as convulsions and heart palpitations. For additional information about drug dependency, get the 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Citrus, Holder, Florida 34445.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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Structure Your Self-Esteem

It is almost impossible to successfully journey down the course to healing without understanding that you are worthy of to be drug-free. Building your self-confidence requires effort on your part, and, just like during your self-assessment, it likewise needs individual sincerity. Building self esteem assists not only with personal approval, but with staying strong during your healing too. Remember, you are a special person and are no less worthwhile than anyone else in exactly what you are worthy of from life. If you was reluctant to respond to, or responded to negatively to any of the questions above, please keep reading. You create your very own tomorrow today. Changing a believed process or your inner expectations is vital to healing. Positive affirmations are crucial in developing your self esteem. They will become your mantra as you deal with the parts of you that you wish to alter. They can also be practical when you are feeling weak during the recovery procedure. A favorable affirmation can be anything you want it to be, but it should be positive! Search in the mirror, check out your very own eyes, and recite your affirmation over and over once again. Change your frame of mind from not thinking what you say to wholeheartedly accepting that it is the fact. Do this a number of times a day if you need to. Eventually, you’ll start thinking exactly what you state without having to quiet down those negative ideas when they creep in. For more details about drug addiction, get a 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for people in Citrus, Holder, Florida 34445.

Drug Addiction

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For the most up to date information relating to drug treatment in Citrus, Holder, Florida 34445 go to our blog site at: http://eliterehaballiance.com/blog/

Citrus, Holder, Florida 34445 Drug Rehab Treatment Help

#Alcoholism #DetoxFromAlcohol #AlcoholAbuse #AlcoholAbuseTreatment #AlcoholAddiction #AlcoholAddictionTreatment #AlcoholDependence #AlcoholDetox #AlcoholRecovery #AlcoholRehab #AlcoholRehabCenters #AlcoholTreatment #AlcoholTreatmentCenters #AlcoholWithdrawal #DrugAbuse #DrugAddiction #DrugAddictionHelp #DrugAddictionTreatment #DrugAndAlcoholRehab #DrugAndAlcoholTreatment #DrugAndAlcoholTreatmentCenters #DrugDetox#DrugHelp #DrugRehab #DrugRehabCenters #DrugRehabFacilities #DrugRehabs #DrugTreatment #DrugTreatmentCenters #DrugTreatmentPrograms

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Pinellas Bay Pines Florida 33744 – How Dependency Works

Why People Utilize Drugs in Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida.

The factors individuals utilize drugs are varied. Basically, however, drugs offer us a wanted impact producing a sensation of ecstasy that makes us feel much better– a minimum of briefly. There are numerous manner ins which drugs assist individuals cope with life and everyone has their own reason they select a specific drug.

Drugs can help relax you down, provide you energy, overcome shyness, and prevent feelings of solitude. They might you feel bolder and wish to take threats you would not usually take. They are used to perhaps fit into social circumstance and enter a “celebration” state of mind and even to celebrate happy occasions. Clinically, drugs are used to minimize discomfort, assist you to sleep, reduce anger, battle stress and anxiety, and avoid anxiety. They can be utilized to deal with stress, stimulate your desire for sex, and slim down. Many individuals report that they started utilizing drugs as a response to peer pressure. Those around them would use drugs, so to fit in, they began using too. The ways drugs impact us are many– for everybody. A lot so that often it appears that drugs can treat all our ills and assist us conquer whatever troubles us. If that’s all there were to it, we might consider each drug to be some sort of “wonder drug.” This is where the idea procedure gets a little manipulated. People begin to crave the feeling of euphoria that they get when they use drugs which’s when it ends up being an issue. It can be a vicious cycle. You feel you cannot live without the sensations that drugs offer you and that you simply will not have the ability to deal with life without those drugs. That’s what types dependency. For additional information about drug dependency, get your 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida 33744.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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Identifying Your Drug Issue

When you use drugs, they can quickly end up being a problem. Dependency can take place prior to you understand it. You have to truly have a look at your substance abuse and be honest with yourself when examining whether that drug usage has become an issue. Start by asking yourself one basic question: “Do you in some cases believe you have a drug issue?” If the response is yes, you probably do have an issue with addiction. Why? The majority of the time, drug abusers reject they have an issue, or they hide from it by making excuses. It’s a natural reaction to defend yourself and your habits. However your defenses break down every now and then. So if you in some cases think you have a problem, you probably do. Consider how you feel the early morning after heavy utilizing. Your body aches, your head is cloudy, you feel guilty for over-using and pledge yourself you’ll stop. You choose that you will not be utilizing drugs that day. You feel beaten and broken and wish to do something about it. Your defenses are down and you are vulnerable to your very own reasonable thoughts. As the day goes on, though, your defenses start returning up again and you start excusing yourself for the previous day’s binge. You start to make reasons for your over-indulgence. You tell yourself you were having a bad day, you didn’t eat enough, you were actually stressed, or some other excuse. You choose to let yourself utilize “just a little”. After all, you were having a bad day the other day. Today will not be the exact same. And the cycle continues. For more details about drug addiction, get a 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida 33744.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

//<![CDATA[ ga('send', 'event', 'drugaddictioncourse' , 'Pageviews' , '/feed/'); //]]>

How Dependency Works

Medical research reveals two major causes of physical addiction. First, your cells adapt to the drug and, 2nd, your metabolic process ends up being more effective. To your cells, the drugs you’re utilizing become a lifestyle. Every time you utilize a drug, your blood carries it to every cell in your body. Your cells change. They grow to expect these doses on schedule. Your cells find out to cope with different drugs by defending themselves against the drugs’ toxic effects. Cell walls solidify to maintain stability and lower toxic damage. However as your cells get tough against drugs, slowly more and more can be taken in. Your tolerance increases. In the long run, however, cell walls break down. At this point, your cells not just lose their capability to keep contaminants out however also end up being not able to maintain vital nutrients. Many of them stop working completely or begin functioning abnormally. That’s when your organs (heart, brain, liver, or lungs), which are nothing more than entire systems of cells, start to stop working. The problem with metabolism is that it is totally connected to diet plan. Your body metabolizes food (breaks it down into its constituent parts) to get important nutrients to all the cells. To serve this purpose, your body can metabolize several foods and can discover the best ways to gain nutrients from practically any kind of food you offer it. Metabolic process also assists to rid the body of unwanted toxins. The liver is the key organ in this process. The liver “sees” drugs as undesirable toxic substances and starts producing enzymes that will assist eliminate them from the body. It produces a different combination of enzymes for each drug. Furthermore, the liver ends up being very effective at producing these enzymes. The more it “sees” a particular drug, the more efficiently it produces the enzymes that inactivate that drug. Hence, a drug that you utilize often will get removed from the body with higher and higher effectiveness. It’s as if the liver begins to “expect” that drug and has enzymes all set and waiting. This is an essential factor that tolerance increases, that is, why it takes higher and higher dosages of a drug to get the same original results. For additional information about drug dependency, get the 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for people in Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida 33744.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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Safe Detoxing

Drug detox is the most vital part of becoming devoid of addiction, and since of this drug detox must be managed with excellent care. Drug detox is a medical treatment. Drug detox need to be managed in a medical facility under fantastic guidance. The factor for this is due to the fact that drug detox can be fatal. What happens to the body when one ends up being addicted is a chemical change, and to take this chemical away from the body at one time without correct care from the drug detox can turn from a positive process to a deadly one. If you choose to go into a rehab center, you will have the guidance and assist you need to make it through the detox procedure. Nevertheless, if you decide outpatient rehab is more your speed, you should contact a medical professional and be under his or her guidance while you are ridding your body of drugs. The physical symptoms of detoxing vary according to what type of drugs you are coming off of. Because there are thousands of chemical responses that happen in our body as a result of the drugs, taking the drug away will affect those chemical reactions. Signs range from cold sweats to shaking to things as serious as convulsions and heart palpitations. For more details about drug dependency, get your 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida 33744.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

//<![CDATA[ ga('send', 'event', 'drugaddictioncourse' , 'Pageviews' , '/feed/'); //]]>

Structure Your Self-Esteem

It is nearly impossible to successfully journey down the course to healing without recognizing that you should have to be drug-free. Building your self-confidence requires effort on your part, and, just like during your self-assessment, it also needs individual honesty. Structure self esteem helps not just with individual acceptance, but with remaining strong during your healing also. Keep in mind, you are a special individual and are no less worthy than anyone else in what you should have from life. If you was reluctant to answer, or answered negatively to any of the questions above, please keep reading. You develop your own tomorrow today. Changing a thought procedure or your inner expectations is important to healing. Favorable affirmations are crucial in building your self esteem. They will become your mantra as you deal with the parts of you that you desire to change. They can likewise be valuable when you are feeling weak throughout the healing procedure. A positive affirmation can be anything you want it to be, however it must be favorable! Look in the mirror, look into your very own eyes, and recite your affirmation over and over once again. Change your mindset from not believing exactly what you state to wholeheartedly accepting that it is the fact. Do this several times a day if you have to. Ultimately, you’ll start thinking exactly what you state without needing to quiet down those negative thoughts when they creep in. To learn more about drug addiction, get a 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida 33744.

Drug Addiction

Stop Your Dependence FREE 5 Part E-Couse. Get Yours Here...

Get Started Here...

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For the most as much as date information relating to drug treatment in Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida 33744 visit our blog site at: http://eliterehaballiance.com/blog/

Pinellas, Bay Pines, Florida 33744 Drug Rehab Treatment Help

#Alcoholism #DetoxFromAlcohol #AlcoholAbuse #AlcoholAbuseTreatment #AlcoholAddiction #AlcoholAddictionTreatment #AlcoholDependence #AlcoholDetox #AlcoholRecovery #AlcoholRehab #AlcoholRehabCenters #AlcoholTreatment #AlcoholTreatmentCenters #AlcoholWithdrawal #DrugAbuse #DrugAddiction #DrugAddictionHelp #DrugAddictionTreatment #DrugAndAlcoholRehab #DrugAndAlcoholTreatment #DrugAndAlcoholTreatmentCenters #DrugDetox#DrugHelp #DrugRehab #DrugRehabCenters #DrugRehabFacilities #DrugRehabs #DrugTreatment #DrugTreatmentCenters #DrugTreatmentPrograms

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Volusia Barberville Florida 32105 – Why Individuals Use Drugs

Why People Using Drugs in Volusia, Barberville, Florida.

The reasons people utilize drugs are varied. Basically, however, drugs offer us a wanted result producing a feeling of euphoria that makes us feel better– a minimum of temporarily. There are numerous manner ins which drugs help individuals handle life and each individual has their own reason they select a certain drug.

Drugs can help soothe you down, provide you energy, overcome shyness, and prevent feelings of isolation. They may you feel bolder and wish to take dangers you would not generally take. They are utilized to possibly suit social situation and enter into a “celebration” mood and even to celebrate pleased events. Clinically, drugs are used to relieve discomfort, assist you to sleep, suppress anger, combat anxiety, and prevent depression. They can be utilized to manage stress, stimulate your desire for sex, and drop weight. Lots of people report that they started using drugs as a reaction to peer pressure. Those around them would use drugs, so to suit, they started using as well. The ways drugs impact us are many– for everybody. So much so that often it seems that drugs can treat all our ills and assist us overcome whatever bothers us. If that’s all there were to it, we might think about each drug to be some sort of “wonder drug.” This is where the thought procedure gets a little manipulated. Individuals start to long for the sensation of euphoria that they get when they utilize drugs and that’s when it ends up being a problem. It can be a vicious cycle. You feel you cannot live without the sensations that drugs give you which you simply will not have the ability to manage life without those drugs. That’s exactly what breeds dependency. For more details about drug dependency, get the 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Volusia, Barberville, Florida 32105.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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Recognizing Your Drug Problem

When you utilize drugs, they can quickly become a problem. Dependency can take place before you understand it. You require to actually take an appearance at your drug usage and be truthful with yourself when examining whether or not that drug use has actually become a problem. Start by asking yourself one simple concern: “Do you in some cases think you have a drug issue?” If the response is yes, you probably do have a problem with addiction. Why? Most of the time, drug abusers reject they have an issue, or they conceal from it by making excuses. It’s a natural reaction to defend yourself and your habits. However your defenses break down every so often. So if you in some cases think you have an issue, you probably do. Think of how you feel the early morning after heavy utilizing. Your body aches, your head is cloudy, you feel guilty for over-using and promise yourself you’ll stop. You choose that you will not be using drugs that day. You feel beaten and broken and want to throw down the gauntlet. Your defenses are down and you are vulnerable to your very own reasonable ideas. As the day goes on, though, your defenses begin returning up again and you begin excusing yourself for the previous day’s binge. You begin to make reasons for your over-indulgence. You tell yourself you were having a bad day, you didn’t consume enough, you were truly stressed out, or some other excuse. You decide to let yourself utilize “simply a little”. After all, you were having a bad day yesterday. Today will not be the same. And the cycle continues. To find out more about drug addiction, get the 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Volusia, Barberville, Florida 32105.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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How Dependency Functions

Medical research study shows 2 major reasons for physical dependency. First, your cells adapt to the drug and, second, your metabolism becomes more effective. To your cells, the drugs you’re using become a lifestyle. Whenever you use a drug, your blood carries it to every cell in your body. Your cells adjust. They grow to expect these dosages on schedule. Your cells find out to cope with different drugs by protecting themselves against the drugs’ hazardous effects. Cell walls harden to maintain stability and reduce toxic damage. But as your cells get tough versus drugs, slowly more and more can be consumed. Your tolerance increases. In the long run, nevertheless, cell walls break down. At this moment, your cells not just lose their capability to keep contaminants out however also become unable to maintain necessary nutrients. A number of them stop functioning altogether or start operating abnormally. That’s when your organs (heart, brain, liver, or lungs), which are nothing more than whole systems of cells, begin to fail. The issue with metabolic process is that it is thoroughly connected to diet plan. Your body metabolizes food (simplify into its constituent parts) to get crucial nutrients to all the cells. To serve this function, your body can metabolize numerous various foods and can learn the best ways to acquire nutrients from almost any kind of food you give it. Metabolism likewise helps to rid the body of undesirable toxins. The liver is the crucial organ in this procedure. The liver “sees” drugs as undesirable toxins and starts producing enzymes that will assist remove them from the body. It produces a different mix of enzymes for each drug. Additionally, the liver becomes extremely efficient at producing these enzymes. The more it “sees” a particular drug, the more efficiently it produces the enzymes that inactivate that drug. Thus, a drug that you utilize often will get removed from the body with higher and greater performance. It’s as if the liver starts to “anticipate” that drug and has enzymes ready and waiting. This is a key reason that tolerance increases, that is, why it takes greater and greater dosages of a drug to obtain the same original results. For additional information about drug dependency, get your 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Volusia, Barberville, Florida 32105.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

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Safe Detoxing

Drug detox is the most vital part of becoming free from addiction, and due to the fact that of this drug detox need to be handled with excellent care. Drug detox is a medical treatment. Drug detox must be dealt with in a medical facility under terrific guidance. The reason for this is because drug detox can be fatal. What occurs to the body when one becomes addicted is a chemical change, and to take this chemical far from the body at one time without correct care from the drug detox can turn from a positive process to a deadly one. If you choose to enter a rehabilitation center, you will have the assistance and assist you have to make it through the detox procedure. Nevertheless, if you choose outpatient rehab is more your speed, you need to get in touch with a doctor and be under his/her guidance while you are ridding your body of drugs. The physical signs of detoxification vary inning accordance with what kind of drugs you are coming off of. Since there are countless chain reactions that take place in our body as a result of the drugs, taking the drug away will impact those chain reactions. Symptoms vary from cold sweats to shaking to things as serious as convulsions and heart palpitations. For additional information about drug addiction, get a 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Volusia, Barberville, Florida 32105.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

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Building Your Self-confidence

It is almost difficult to effectively journey down the course to healing without recognizing that you should have to be drug-free. Structure your self-esteem requires effort on your part, and, much like throughout your self-assessment, it likewise requires personal honesty. Structure self esteem assists not only with individual approval, but with staying strong throughout your recovery too. Keep in mind, you are a special person and are no less worthwhile than anybody else in exactly what you are worthy of from life. If you hesitated to answer, or answered negatively to any of the concerns above, please keep reading. You produce your own tomorrow today. Changing a thought process or your inner expectations is important to recovery. Positive affirmations are essential in constructing your self-confidence. They will become your mantra as you deal with the parts of you that you wish to change. They can likewise be valuable when you are feeling weak during the recovery procedure. A positive affirmation can be anything you desire it to be, however it must be favorable! Search in the mirror, look into your own eyes, and recite your affirmation over and over again. Modification your state of mind from not believing what you state to totally accepting that it is the fact. Do this several times a day if you have to. Eventually, you’ll start believing exactly what you say without needing to peaceful down those negative thoughts when they creep in. For more info about drug addiction, get the 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for residents in Volusia, Barberville, Florida 32105.

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Volusia, Barberville, Florida 32105 Drug Rehab Treatment Help

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Walton Defuniak Springs Florida 32435 – Why People Utilize Drugs

Why Individuals Using Drugs in Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida.

The factors people use drugs are differed. Essentially, however, drugs provide us a preferred effect producing a sensation of ecstasy that makes us feel better– at least briefly. There are numerous manner ins which drugs help people cope with life and each individual has their own reason why they pick a specific drug.

Drugs can help calm you down, provide you energy, overcome shyness, and avoid feelings of loneliness. They might you feel bolder and want to take dangers you would not usually take. They are utilized to perhaps suit social scenario and get into a “celebration” mood and even to commemorate delighted events. Clinically, drugs are used to ease discomfort, assist you to sleep, reduce anger, battle anxiety, and prevent depression. They can be utilized to deal with stress, stimulate your desire for sex, and slim down. Many individuals report that they started utilizing drugs as a response to peer pressure. Those around them would utilize drugs, so to suit, they started utilizing too. The methods drugs impact us are many– for everybody. A lot so that typically it seems that drugs can cure all our ills and assist us get rid of whatever bothers us. If that’s all there were to it, we may think about each drug to be some sort of “marvel drug.” This is where the idea process gets a little skewed. Individuals begin to yearn for the feeling of bliss that they get when they utilize drugs and that’s when it ends up being an issue. It can be a vicious cycle. You feel you can’t live without the feelings that drugs give you and that you just won’t have the ability to cope with life without those drugs. That’s exactly what types addiction. To learn more about drug addiction, get a 5 part Drug Rehabilitation Course for people in Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida 32435.

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Identifying Your Drug Problem

When you utilize drugs, they can quickly become an issue. Dependency can take place prior to you understand it. You have to actually take an appearance at your substance abuse and be honest with yourself when examining whether that substance abuse has actually become a problem. Start by asking yourself one simple concern: “Do you in some cases think you have a drug issue?” If the response is yes, you most likely do have an issue with dependency. Why? Most of the time, drug abusers deny they have an issue, or they conceal from it by making reasons. It’s a natural reaction to protect yourself and your habits. However your defenses break down from time to time. So if you sometimes believe you have an issue, you almost certainly do. Consider how you feel the morning after heavy using. Your body aches, your head is cloudy, you feel guilty for over-using and guarantee yourself you’ll stop. You decide that you won’t be using drugs that day. You feel beaten and broken and desire to throw down the gauntlet. Your defenses are down and you are susceptible to your own rational ideas. As the day goes on, though, your defenses start returning up again and you begin excusing yourself for the previous day’s binge. You begin to make reasons for your over-indulgence. You tell yourself you were having a bad day, you didn’t eat enough, you were really stressed out, or some other excuse. You decide to let yourself utilize “simply a little”. After all, you were having a bad day the other day. Today won’t be the exact same. And the cycle continues. To learn more about drug dependency, get the 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida 32435.

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How Addiction Works

Medical research study reveals 2 significant causes of physical dependency. Initially, your cells adapt to the drug and, 2nd, your metabolic process ends up being more effective. To your cells, the drugs you’re utilizing become a lifestyle. Each time you use a drug, your blood carries it to every cell in your body. Your cells adjust. They grow to anticipate these doses on schedule. Your cells discover how to deal with various drugs by safeguarding themselves versus the drugs’ hazardous effects. Cell walls solidify to keep stability and lower toxic damage. However as your cells get tough versus drugs, slowly increasingly more can be taken in. Your tolerance increases. In the long run, nevertheless, cell walls break down. At this point, your cells not just lose their capability to keep toxins out but likewise end up being unable to keep important nutrients. A number of them stop operating completely or start operating unusually. That’s when your organs (heart, brain, liver, or lungs), which are absolutely nothing more than entire systems of cells, begin to stop working. The problem with metabolic process is that it is totally connected to diet. Your body metabolizes food (breaks it down into its constituent parts) to get vital nutrients to all the cells. To serve this function, your body can metabolize various foods and can find out how to acquire nutrients from nearly any kind of food you give it. Metabolism also assists to rid the body of unwanted toxins. The liver is the key organ in this process. The liver “sees” drugs as undesirable contaminants and begins producing enzymes that will help remove them from the body. It produces a various mix of enzymes for each drug. Moreover, the liver ends up being exceptionally effective at producing these enzymes. The more it “sees” a particular drug, the more efficiently it produces the enzymes that inactivate that drug. Thus, a drug that you use often will get eliminated from the body with greater and greater efficiency. It’s as if the liver begins to “anticipate” that drug and has enzymes prepared and waiting. This is a key reason that tolerance increases, that is, why it takes greater and greater doses of a drug to obtain the same initial impacts. To learn more about drug addiction, get your 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida 32435.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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Safe Detoxing

Drug detox is the most fundamental part of becoming totally free from dependency, and since of this drug detox must be handled with terrific care. Drug detox is a medical treatment. Drug detox should be managed in a medical center under fantastic supervision. The factor for this is because drug detox can be deadly. What takes place to the body when one becomes addicted is a chemical modification, and to take this chemical away from the body at one time without proper care from the drug detox can turn from a positive procedure to a deadly one. If you elect to go into a rehab facility, you will have the guidance and assist you have to make it through the detox treatment. Nevertheless, if you choose outpatient rehabilitation is more your speed, you need to get in touch with a doctor and be under his or her guidance while you are ridding your body of drugs. The physical signs of detoxification vary inning accordance with what kind of drugs you are coming off of. Because there are thousands of chain reactions that happen in our body as a result of the drugs, taking the drug away will affect those chemical reactions. Symptoms vary from cold sweats to shaking to things as major as convulsions and heart palpitations. For additional information about drug addiction, get the 5 part Drug Rehab Course for residents in Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida 32435.

50% Complete

Drug Rehab eCourse

Live a better life with what you already have! Our 5 part drug rehab course will put you on top again!

Get It Now

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Structure Your Self-Esteem

It is almost impossible to effectively journey down the path to recovery without understanding that you should have to be drug-free. Structure your self-esteem needs effort on your part, and, similar to throughout your self-assessment, it likewise requires individual honesty. Structure self-confidence helps not only with personal approval, but with remaining strong throughout your healing too. Keep in mind, you are an unique individual and are no less worthwhile than anyone else in exactly what you deserve from life. If you was reluctant to address, or answered adversely to any of the concerns above, please keep reading. You produce your very own tomorrow today. Altering a believed process or your inner expectations is important to recovery. Positive affirmations are very crucial in constructing your self-confidence. They will become your mantra as you deal with the parts of you that you wish to change. They can also be handy when you are feeling weak during the recovery procedure. A favorable affirmation can be anything you want it to be, but it must be positive! Search in the mirror, look into your own eyes, and recite your affirmation over and over once again. Modification your frame of mind from not believing exactly what you state to totally accepting that it is the truth. Do this several times a day if you need to. Ultimately, you’ll start believing what you state without having to peaceful down those unfavorable ideas when they creep in. To learn more about drug addiction, get the 5 part Drug Rehab Course for people in Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida 32435.

Drug Addiction

Stop Your Dependence FREE 5 Part E-Couse. Get Yours Here...

Get Started Here...

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For the most approximately date info relating to drug treatment in Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida 32435 go to our blog site at: http://eliterehaballiance.com/blog/

Walton, Defuniak Springs, Florida 32435 Drug Rehab Treatment Help

#Alcoholism #DetoxFromAlcohol #AlcoholAbuse #AlcoholAbuseTreatment #AlcoholAddiction #AlcoholAddictionTreatment #AlcoholDependence #AlcoholDetox #AlcoholRecovery #AlcoholRehab #AlcoholRehabCenters #AlcoholTreatment #AlcoholTreatmentCenters #AlcoholWithdrawal #DrugAbuse #DrugAddiction #DrugAddictionHelp #DrugAddictionTreatment #DrugAndAlcoholRehab #DrugAndAlcoholTreatment #DrugAndAlcoholTreatmentCenters #DrugDetox#DrugHelp #DrugRehab #DrugRehabCenters #DrugRehabFacilities #DrugRehabs #DrugTreatment #DrugTreatmentCenters #DrugTreatmentPrograms

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