#because YOU BUILT IT YZMA

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

"why do we even have that lever" is made funnier by the fact there are only 2 levers to begin with (disguised as a pair of tusks on a statue)

i find the implications hilarious:

kronk only had to remember the location of one lever, and couldn't even manage that

but on the other hand, it's easy to get two identical unlabelled levers confused, this one's on yzma tbh

yzma only needed to make one lever to begin with, but she actively chose to turn the second tusk into a functioning trapdoor. she could have just...just not connected the second tusk to anything. it didn't need to have a function

upon reflection, this also answers the question itself: "why do we even HAVE that lever?" it's because yzma herself specifically designed it as a booby trap. "why do we have that lever?" because yzma had it built to keep people out of her secret lair! yzma made the very purposeful choice to put that lever there! and then both she and her inept henchman immediately forgot about her own booby trap! yzma that is YOUR LEVER!!!!!

[justanotherhh]

something i haven't seen much of so far is analysis of charlie's journey from the perspective of someone who also needs to change how she engages with others (vaggie too, but that feels more obvious as she's an ex-angel/exorcist and a sinner)

when charlie tries to help angel by confronting valentino it's been built to in the other episodes, because it's made very clear that she doesn't respect sex work -- she's got that "we need to save them from themselves" type attitude you see a lot with people who haven't done critical analysis into their own biases from a position of mildly-to-severe privileged disgust and haven't engaged with the perspectives of sex workers as people who can frame and understand their own experiences (whatever work they engage in and why they do sex work to begin with). same for her opinions on addiction

the scene where angel has to do a reenactment with sir pentious frames addiction as

something to be judged

something pitiable

something predatory

which isn't exactly a great way to bring angel onboard with the programme/make him feel less like shit. meanwhile the anti-sex + weirdly heteronormative attitude is also present in that scene by having sir pentious dress up as a virginal young girl in an anime-type school uniform with a big lollipop (the irony of this being practically indistinguishable from a porn setup feels very intentional), who declares that "she" won't be having sex before marriage as the great crescendo (sidenote, monogamy in the afterlife sounds.... like a long time to be monogamous......... yzma voice: "why do we even have marriage??")

angel, up until his duet with husk, is having it made clear again and again that the people seemingly helping him find the essence of his being inherently gross. he likes sex -- yeah there's the performance/face he has to wear to get through the day, but i think the bdsm club was a sincere suggestion and vaggie literally calls it disgusting/shoots it down without thinking about how to do so respectfully (again, she's an ex-angel/exorcist, she has biases of her own to contend with, but also the implications that nobody in heaven is having fun sex or negotiated kink and bdsm... tragic. do they even have a sex club called consent up there?)

charlie is a fairly conservative person at the beginning of the story. yes, she wants to help, but her framing of what "help" looks like doesn't take into account her own biases; presumably she grew up with the idea that "sinners are bad people" as much as anyone else did, if not more considering lucifer gave up on the sinners and that's been her environment from birth -- cut off from the people she's supposedly in charge of, but "hearing stories." (in both the pilot and happy day in hell she clearly has a fondness for the sinners, but it's as an outsider, someone who does not relate to them, and generally there's that overtone of "royalty doesn't know shit about what anyone is going through" which, charlie being a ruler, i wonder if that will be a focal point or just something to accept, it's not a dealbreaker for me, just something i noticed, esp as helluva boss has poked on power dynamics in hell along those same lines). the yearly murdering of demons is, likewise, something that is simply status quo and so even getting to a place of "hey maybe we shouldn't do that" is big and was inevitably going to create more cracks in the logic of black-and-white heaven-or-hell, so it's cool that that's where we the audience get to first meet her -- right as those threads are about to start unravelling

but at the very beginning, in some ways she echoes elements of characters like adam and lute (who are of course far more in-your-face, being villains) in her original assessment of what makes someone "a bad person" -- it causes her to create a system that doesn't actually work, and then of course the hotel is destroyed, but next time they'll build it to be better! (metaphor *jazz hands*)

why is angel in hell, is the question later asked. is it because he was/is an addict? because he drinks? because he does sex work? because he likes sex? (it may be because he's killed people/was in the mafia, but we don't have all the context yet, for now those are the things people know in the story itself) at the beginning charlie isn't asking the right questions, questions that would need her to go into herself and challenge her own biases, but throughout season 1 she goes from merely proclaiming that "everyone" can be saved, to sincerely challenging the idea of "needing to be saved" from things that shouldn't be judged in the first place. "if angels can do whatever and remain in the sky." yeah, how are we stipulating what's allowed and what isn't hmmmmmm? stay tuned for s2

(and youknow, apologises to angel for overstepping his boundaries, so it's not like angel doesn't know that she does care for him, ep4 gives a lot of development for their relationship as well -- it's the tipping point for a lot of what comes next)

interested to see how that challenging will continue in s2. she's gone from "we have to make you into a good person by cutting out things that make me (and others) uncomfortable from a conservative/purity-based judgemental framework" to "why do we have these systems of judgement in the first place?"

tl;dr angel changed a looot in s1 but so did charlie. she understands better now that the work she's doing is going to look very different from what she'd first anticipated, and poking at her own biases in relation to angel helped that journey and brought her closer to actually understanding and relating to the people around her

(there's another element here about charlie and vaggie as queer women in this particular universe, but it's a slight tangent so... different post)

[pastelpousay]

Okay so Ik I should do something Halloween themed but I’m unprepared and I literally wrote my ass off all of yesterday so I’ve lost the ability to give a damn

Anywho time to Rant about TENS

Also TW FOR TALKS OF SENSITIVE SUBJECTS ‼️

(BTW IF YOU LIKE THE SHOW IM NOT UPSET ITS FUNNY BUT THATS LITERALLY IT I’m just here to hate on it because hating on it is so incredibly fun like 🙈)

Okay so…do I like the show? Uhm ngl this show is really good to watch with a friend and just straight up dog on because of how bad it is 💀. Like the animation and art is ass sort, the plot is reused to the point the order of the eps don’t even matter bro. The plot doesn’t even matter tbh because kuzco always learns the same lesson and forgets it the next episode or something like damn bitch are you dumb or do have amnesia?? 💀 he’s actually such an asshole. the racism and sexism doesn’t suprise me and the supposed gr00ming…..ehhhhh….after the first episode…the way he talk to Malina made me uncomfortable 💀 ME THE VIEWER. Like it fest so wrong on so many levels like stop😭 I’m not even jealous I would have liked them had the first ep played out differently than it did💀😭😭. ALSO THATS NOT HOW KUZCO WOULD ACT IF HE HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE LIKE DUDE. Like why is he freak. Ik it’s a spin off but like can you at least make it accurate 💀😭😭. This is after the events of the movie Ik his whole character isn’t gonna change but like also kuzco is ass at flirting and I don’t think he would act so confidently if he actually liked someone like how he’s supposed to like Malina 😭 I feel like he’d be more nervous because it’s not an emotion or feeling he’s felt before or much of. My kuzco would literally be stuttering, meanwhile TENS kuzco has his tounge out looking at Malina. My kuzco would be ass at flirting, but not to the point it would be borderline predatory 💀, my kuzco can take a hint from the one he loves, because he can actually view them as an equal, not continuously flirt with someone who’s acting as though they are not interested. They rushed things so hard with kuzco and Malina to the point it’s actually bothering me I would have liked them but the money hungry bigbacks at Disney fucked that shit up. The only thing good about this show is the humor, but not even because it’s actually funny but based on how completely up surd it is 💀. Like bro. TELL ME WHY DID YZMA IN ONE EPISODE LITERALLY TURN KRONK INTO A LLAMA TO EAT KUZCOS HOMEWORK 💀 he could have just eaten it in his human form 💀 or better yet have just stolen it so he actually wouldn’t have had an explanation at all💀💀💀 but no all these extra steps for what 💀. Also Pacha design is so ugly in the show it’s actually upsetting 💀 lie girl what the fuck is that this Mf is built like a lego now. OKAY BUT BAKC TO THE UPSURDITIES IKE SEEN LIKE CLIPS ON THE SHOW AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES IVE SEEN KUZCO IN UNDERWEAR (I think the first episode he literally showed malina his underwear 💀💀 like dude I actually do not feel safe) OR HES SEEN NAKED OR WITHOUT PROPER CLOTHING LIKE DUDE 💀💀 and in the first couple episodes alone like girl- sorry I love him but I don’t wanna see him shower bro stop it. Like the show is only funny without context like bro and with the context it’s like popping a laxative and hot gluing ur ass shut like I feel like somethings wrong whenever I watch it 💀💀. Like girl. Also I’m sorry why are they trying to make kuzco be all smooth with Malina HE IS NOT SMOOTH LIEK LIL BRO BRO NO NO NO.💀

Okay I’m done ranting now 💗���� AGSHSHDH again if you like this show that’s fine, I like the idea of a Rayco TENS au but that’s literally it 💀 its funny and fun to hate on but that’s literally just my impression of the show so far so yea!!

[artzychic27]

I love Ever After High AU!

What would the events be like? Like The Masked Ball, the Spring event, Adventures in Wonderland, The Dragon Games and Winter's Day?

Welcome to Ever After High

It’s a new year at Ever After High, a magical school where the next generation of fairytale characters go to hone their powers, learn more about their tales, and train to follow in their parents footsteps

One of the new students is Nathaniel Hearts, son of the Queen of Hearts and a former resident Wonderland… Also, not exactly the most popular person due to his mom’s love for beheading people and also the fact she’s the reason no one can enter or exit Wonderland

Already, students avoid him like the plague and only see him as his mother. The only ones who see past that are his best friend and fellow Wonderland native, Alix Wonder, Nino Grant, and Adrien Briar

Alix doesn’t care about their mom’s rivalries and actually likes Nathaniel… It’s Marinette that had a problem

Fa-Li Marinette is adamant on everyone following their destinies, because if even one fairy strays, every story will end. (She just only cares about her own) and keeps pushing Nathaniel to be a deranged, power hungry lunatic like his mom

It only gets worse when they prepare for Legacy Day, where students take the pledge to follow their parents footsteps. Nathaniel questions Mme. Bustier and M. Damocles what will happen if he doesn’t sign the Storybook of Legends

And of course, they gaslight him using Marinette’s excuse. If he doesn’t sign, then it’s the end for everyone

Nino calls bullshit and pulls Nathaniel along to look for answers from Madame Mendeleiv Yagga, one of the smart teachers at DuPont

She explains that nothing will happen to anyone’s stories, they’re just take a different turn. It’ll break tradition, but it wont end up a catastrophe

So, the night of Legacy Day, Nathaniel makes his choice… He does, but then Marinette gaslights him again. Apparently, she followed him and Nino and asks if he’s really going to trust some “old witch”

“If you want your so-called friends happily ever after a to cease to exist. Fine. At least you’ve shown how much like your mother you are.”

So now, when it’s the Wonderland Kids turn to sign the book, and Nathaniel steps up… He hesitates. He sees his future in the mirror: Him beheading hundreds of his subjects with a mad look in his eyes, sending his card guards to hunt down Alix and the other Wonderland kids, and painting white roses red using his card guards blood.

Nathaniel: … I am Nathaniel Hearts, son of the Queen of Hearts… AND I PLEDGE TO FOLLOW MY OWN DESTINY! *Snaps the quill in half… Nothing happens*

Royals: *Horrified gasps*

Rebels: *Cheering*

Nathaniel: N-nothing happened… *Points to Damocles and Mme. Bustier* YOU LIED TO ME!

When the crowd gets too hostile, Adrien wishes for Nino to freeze everyone except for the two of them*

Adrien: I can’t believe that… That we can just do that.

Nino: Yeah… I’m not sure I want to be stuck in that lamp.

The next day, things are tense between the newly dubbed Royals and Rebels. Marinette tries to rally more to her side, that destinies are meant to be followed, but students kind of want to hear Nathaniel’s reasoning

The one who seems most intrigued by Nathaniel accidental revolution, is Marc Grimhilde, son of the Evil Queen and someone who’s reluctant to sign the Storybook of Legends and end up trapped in the mirror realm like his mother

Rumors start to spread that Nathaniel only wants to spread madness like his mother and prevent anyone from having their happily ever after while Marinette wants to send the Rebels to a reform school built to straighten them out

Mme. Bustier is doing nothing to help, only making things worse by blaming the rebels for causing tensions and doing nothing to discipline the royals. (Same bitch as canon)

As a protest, a Rebel student runs against Marinette for student body President. That student? Aurore Amzy, daughter of Yzma

In the end, they end up as reluctant co-presidents and constantly try to undermine each other

As another protest, the Rebel students host True Hearts Day, a long forgotten school tradition banned by Mr. Damocles since it got students to stray from their destinies

So, they throw it in secret. And to their surprise, some Royal students want to help because while they’re may disagree with the Rebels, they aren’t too fond of Mme. Bustier and M. Damoclesand want to spite them

The party’s a success, and some new couples end up forming

Nathaniel turns down most of his admirers since they’re more in love with his status of leaders of the Rebels. He ends up asking Marc for a dance after the two accidentally bump into each other right under a spotlight

The following week, Nathaniel gets called into the principal’s office where Marinette, Alix, Max, and Denise are waiting as well. Apparently, Mme. Bustier was “concerned” about the Rebels’ Revolution and believed Nathaniel needed positive reinforcement

Marinette: Nathaniel cut the buds off my roses.

Nathaniel: That was on accident! And I apologized!

Marinette: Exactly! You’re supposed to be evil and not apologize!

Alix: Well, I think Nath’s fine just the way he is. Plus, I’d rather not get beheaded, so-

Damocles: Moving on!

Max: I don’t know what role I play here, but my mother strayed from the path her father had her on, so if anything, aren’t I meant to be a Rebel? Because if I follow my mother’s path by not sailing, I did what she did by disobeying her father, but/

Damocles: Enough! We haven’t heard from Denise Facilier, yet.

Denise: The shadows all say… Nathaniel’s awesome and should write his own destiny.

Marinette: They did not!

Denise: Well, how do you know?!

It is now the week of Thronecoming, and the students are looking to pick their King and Queen and get ready for the parade and bookball game

Nino, who was in between the royals and rebels debate finally picks a side when he misses his date with Alya because he got stuck in his lamp, making him realize the horrible truth about his destiny

The Thronecoming Fair goes off well- Austin A and Q rented Captain Hook’s ship and got a ton of pixie dust to let people go on rides in the air, Myléne’s hair styling station was earning a lot of money for charity, Denise did card readings, and Cosette was able to sell some of their faux fur jackets. It went great up until float building

Marinette is still pushing Nathaniel to stop being “selfish” and accept his fate, but in the end, Nathaniel’s the one to call her out on her bullshit along with Bustier and Damocles since they’re just standing right there

Nathaniel: You know, I may be “The Prince of Madness,” but I’m sane enough to see that you’re the one being selfish. I’m out.

Ismael: Heh. That’s my boy.

Cosette: But he’s not even your son.

Ismael: Don’t remind me!

As a school trip, Madame Mendeleiv takes the students to the Hall of Legends, a time capsule building where their parents left relics for them to find: Myléne gets a magic hairbrush, Rose gets a sword, Cosette gets a Diamond-studded choker necklace, Denise gets a vintage deck of tarot cards, Nino gets lamp polish, Lila gets truth revealing glasses, Marinette gets a sword, Zoé and Chloé get new heels, Austin A gets a magic compass, Austin B gets a crossbow, etc.

Nathaniel only finds a coin, planted there by M. Damocles in place of the ruby studded crown his mom left him

Nathaniel then heads to the wishing well in the woods, tosses in the coin, and wishes to know what happens if he doesn’t sign the Storybook of Legends

Mme. Bustier casts an illusion spell that shows a horrific future, scaring Nathaniel into signing

So they have a Legacy Day do-over, and none of the Rebels are too happy about it. The students suspect something’s up, and their suspicions are confirmed when Denise’s tarot cards reveal the Storybook of Legends is a fake

When Damocles denies the accusations, Marc asks Lila to use her truth-telling glasses. And when she lies and says she doesn’t have them, Aurore uses a truth-telling potion on her and Lila is forced to hand them over

They also reveal the Storybook of Legends is a fake, and of course, Damocles blames Nathaniel… Only to go into his office and confront the Queen of Hearts, via magic mirror

Nathaniel still wants to sign, but to do that, he needs to find the real Storybook of Legends. Marc, Adrien, Nino, Alix, Cosette, Zoé, and Denise also tag along and through a series of weird riddles, they enter a secret room in the library and come across Jean-Pierre Monlataing, a teacher who went missing long ago and speaks only riddlish, which Wonderland natives understand

M. Monlataing: A chapter for all, to live and survive, with a page of the the answer, and come out alive

Nathaniel: Ah, of course.

Alix: Obviously.

Cosette: Uh… Translation?

They conclude the Storybook of Legends must be in the Hall of Legends. But they end up getting pulled into different stories, have to find some pages, blah blah blah. Long-story short, the pages they find form a spell that breaks the Riddlish spell over M. Monlataing

And he reveals that Mme. Bustier put the Riddlish spell on him because he believed in the Rebels’ side of things

Nathaniel: … You know, cutting heads off doesn’t sound bad.

The night of the Thronecoming dance, the students decide to have one night of fun and not care about the Royals and Rebels bullshit

And performing tonight is the one and only Luka Piper, son of the Pied Piper and half brother of Juleka

Then Nino notices something when a slideshow of old photos reveals the Queen of Hearts lived in his dorm before, and hid something in a secret compartment under his carpet. Borrowing Lila’s glasses and a bobby pin from Juleka, he unlocks the secret compartment and finds the Real Storybook of legends… And then throws it away in the Well of Wonder, making it end up in Wonderland

Spring Unsprung

It’s the day of the Spring Faire, a day to commemorate the beginning of the spring season

But meanwhile in Wonderland…

Xavier (My SB&IB version) Blanc, Fei Cheshire, and Félix Hatter have run into some trouble with the Queen of Hearts when they try to look for a way out of Wonderland

But, the threat of decapitation doesn’t keep them from looking around until they come across the Storybook of Legends Nino threw down the well

Wanting to return it back to Ever After, they go through the well… And end up getting lost until they come across Fei’s dad, the Cheshire Cat, who gives them some complicated instructions while swapping out the book for another

What the Cheshire Cat doesn’t know is that someone was watching him in the act

Also, while Cosette was walking through the forest to get some Wonderland Well water for the Spring Faire baking competition, they fell through the well because the water was being a little shit

And at the same time, Félix, Xavier, and Rei arrived in Ever After, followed by the Cheshire Cat

The Wonderland Kids arrive and are given a warm welcome by Nathaniel and Alix

Nathaniel: GUYS! Why’d you abandon me?! Your Prince was all alone here!

Alix: You son of a bitch.

When the Bitchy Duo (Damocles and Bustier) harass them for somehow getting to Ever After when they sealed every entry and exit closed, Félix pulls his trump card by showing the “Storybook of Legends”

… Only for Marinette to reveal it’s only a book of riddles and calls them frauds

Nathaniel, Alix, Adrien, Marc, Zoé, and Nino are the only ones to believe them

Still holding the book, Marinette reads a page and accidentally casts a opposite-personality spell, making her much less judgmental, but she passes it along to other students and most become not as polite

Meanwhile in Wonderland, Cosette ends up in the Mad Hatter’s kitchen where they meet the White Knight. Long story short, they realize a Wonderland dessert is how they can warn the others that the Cheshire Cat stole the Storybook of Legends and replaced it with the cursed riddle book

Also, while Marinette is less judgmental, she wants to destroy the fairytale world instead of preserving it. So, she concocts a plan to plug up the Well of Wonder

The Austins, noticing something is seriously wrong with everyone, follow Austin A’s compass to the source of it all, Marinette, who’s about to plug up the Well of Wonder with help from Max and Sabrina who have also been affected by the spell. But they’re too late, and all of the wondrous elements start to fade away

Meanwhile, Nathaniel, Alix, Adrien, Marc, Zoé, Nino, Xavier, Fei, and Félix try to figure out a way to get the book back from Wonderland as the Well of Wonder is always hard to find

… That’s when Denise comes in

Denise: COSETTE BAKED A PIE MESSAGE! A SHADOW TOLD ME!

They head to a bakery and look through every single pie… Until they come across the only one that’s glowing

Félix: Let’s see what we have here. *Slices the pie*

Cosette, through the pie: Okay, so do I just start talking? Alright, so hey guys! I’m in Wonderland. Crazy, I know. Anyway, Ever After is in danger, the Cheshire Cat swapped out the Storybook of Legends for a riddle book, and it’s cursed!… Now do I just… That’s it? Okay.

They look for the book using Lila, who had the book last. And because she’s honest now, she tells them where she put it

But when they find it, it’s too late. The world and everyone in it is drained except for the Wonderland Kids

Fei: I’m putting and end to this! Dad! Show yourself!

*His grin appears*

Fei: All of you.

The Cheshire Cat, after some prompting, offers to tell them how to reverse the curse… If they beat him at a game. They just need to reach him on the other side of the puzzle floor

Alix: I’ll make this quick and easy. *Walks around the puzzle and reaches the Cheshire Cat* Boom. How’s that for a ditz?

To reverse the curse, they just need to say the last riddle on the book backwards. And it works… But now there’s just the matter of the plug in the Well of Wonder. An easy fix with some of Austin Q’s pixie dust

Also, Cosette makes it back to Ever After when the well gets unplugged and the White Knight is actually-

Way to Wonderland

It’s breakfast time at Ever After High, and Alya and Aurore make the following announcement-

Alya: As editors of our school paper, The Griffin, Aurore and I are pleased to announce that we will be doing a special feature!

Aurore: The theme is, A Time of Wonder! It will feature stories about Wonderland and the students native to the land!

Marinette: Of course! And who can forget how Nathaniel mom, the Queen of Hearts, is the reason they’re all stuck here in the first place?

Alya: Girl. Can we go one minute?

Marinette: Well, it is all because Nath’s mom decided to go total wacko screwball infinity one day, make it even madder than usual, run her own son out of the castle, and behead more people for no valid reason-

Marc: *Shoves a poison apple in her mouth, making Marinette pass out* That’s enough out of you.

Damocles and Bustier try to silence this by stating how Wonderland is dangerous which is why they sealed it up, but no one’s going to listen to them

Meanwhile, Nathaniel’s upset, not because of what Marinette said, but because it’s his mom’s birthday and he wants to be there with her despite… Everything.

Marc offers some help in the spells department to open up an entrance to Wonderland when Denise barges in on their conversation

Marc: If you want, maybe there’s a spell my mom made to-

Denise: Shadows are speaking again! They say Nath’s mom is in danger, and it will be off with her head!

Félix: … Is she always like this?

Marc: They, and yes. And they’re always right about these sort of things.

So now, the Wonderland Kids, Marc, Denise, and Nino are trying to figure out a way to Wonderland. To the Library!

While researching, the Wonderland Kids reminisce a bit and assure Nathaniel they don’t blame his mother. Rather, they believe another element is at play that made her do what she did… They just don’t know what

Suddenly, a book falls off the shelf and opens to a specific page. Weird, right? Wonder what that was about.

Marc picks up the book and skims until he finds a shocking illustration of…

Marc: MOM?!

Nino: Say what?

Fèlix: Did someone say “plot twist?”

Alix: But, this book is about Wonderland. What the hell is the Evil Queen doing in it?

Denise: … You don’t think?

Fei: What? No… No, that’s… No.

Marc: … She would.

Xavier: Oh, she would.

So now they suspect the Evil Queen had a part to play in Wonderland being sealed off. Looking at the illustration of the Evil Queen, they see a spell scroll in her hand- some sort of curse reversion spell to undo…

Marc: ‘The Spell of Utter Madness’?… Yep, she did it.

Alix: Well, I guess that’s why she’s in the mirror real.

So, Marc decides to make things right by undoing his mom’s madness curse over the Queen of Hearts and hopefully unseal Wonderland

But, while casting the spell, there’s a fluke, and the students disappear. All except Xavier and Alix

Nathaniel, Marc, Nino, Denise, Félix, and Fei all end up down a rabbit hole that leads straight to Wonderland. And upon arrival, they get new Wonderland-looking outfits

Also, much to their disappointment, Marinette is there with them because she was in the same room as them. So now, they’re stuck with her

Although, Marc didn’t remove the curse. But that doesn’t deter the group from going to save the Queen… Well, they would if they hadn’t been stopped by Jess Redd, the Red Knight who takes them to Wonderland High. And they can’t leave until they graduate after one day

*The kids all get dragged to the school*

Denise: No! I don’t even go here!

Félix: But I graduated early! I don’t need to go anymore!

Nathaniel: My mom is the Queen, and I can skip whenever I feel like it!

The White Rabbit, Xavier’s uncle because his dad sucks, leads the group to class while also informing them off a plot against the Queen of Hearts and once again confirming that it was the Evil Queen who cursed her

When the Evil Queen was out spreading chaos among the Fairytale realms, she started with Wonderland and placed the Madness Curse on the Queen to make her even more deranged. She turned Wonderland into a prison in just a short week, preventing anyone from getting in or getting out, and sought to expand her kingdom. Nathaniel, Alix, and her dad were lucky enough to escape years prior to the first chapter. Damocles and Bustier of course, blamed the Queen of Hearts until they discovered the Evil Queen was at fault, sealed her in the mirror realm and sealed off any gateways leading to Wonderland so the Queen of Hearts can’t attack. Still, they never corrected anyone on who was at fault

Marinette: I… Didn’t know that.

Nino: Neither did we. But you didn’t hear us bashing the Queen.

With that information, they decide to get through their classes so they can leave and save the Queen. Unfortunately, Wonderland classes make no sense, but they figure it out… Eventually

Lunch Time

While in the cafeteria, the Wonderland Kids come across an old face, Iris Jest, daughter of the court jester, and Student Body President who has the audacity to make a threat towards Nathaniel

After such a lovely meeting, they head to their classes, which have become more difficult. Fortunately, the White Knight Cosette met last chapter is there to help, but each class just keeps getting harder and harder until-

Nathaniel: THAT’S IT! I’m using the royalty card and getting our classes changed! Where’s the vice principal?!

Marc: He’s hot when he’s all fired up.

Nino: What?

Marc: What?

But, to their surprise, the vice principal is Iris! She challenges Nathaniel’s own authority, uses Wonderland logic to make time go backwards so they can never leave, and makes a threat toward the Queen of Hearts while revealing she’s all for overthrowing her

Félix: Why… It’s as if you almost want the plan to overthrow Nathaniel’s mother to succeed!

Iris: … OF COURSE, I DO!

But, Iris gives Nathaniel a choice. He just has to sign a contract, relinquishing his rights as heir to the Queen of Heart’s throne to her. If he signs, then they’re all free while he stays in school forever

Marinette: Nath! Don’t do this!

Nathaniel: Anyone else, please?

Félix: You always said you never wanted to be like your mom! But look at what we’ve learned! She was cursed! Remember when she chased you around the gardens and showed you how to play croquet with your first flamingo? That’s the Queen of Hearts Fei, Alix, Xavier and I remember and the version of her we know you want to be!

Nathaniel: … You’re right. *Snaps the quill in half… Again*

Enraged, Iris sends them to detention… But not before an unfair trial where they’re charged as guilty

Also, Alix and Xavier are still looking for the others, and the Evil Queen arms Iris with an evil book of spells right before she heads out to overthrow the queen and sign her name in the Storybook of Legends when Fei accidentally reveals its whereabouts

One minute in detention, and the group is already going insane. Marc and Nino can’t use their magic, and it’s almost time for the Queen’s birthday party

Soon, Félix gets an idea

Fèlix: My dad always got detention! He used to tell me dozens of his get-in stories! Denise, have your shadow friends send a message to the other side!

Denise: Okay, which other side?

Back in Ever After, the shadows communicate with Alix and Xavier by opening some books to certain pages and telling them that they’re in detention and they need to ask Alim for instructions on how to get out since he helped with some of the Mad Hatter’s best escapes. And his best on is-

Denise: Tiddlywinks? Like the game?

Félix: Like the game, he said.

This grabs the teacher in charge of detention’s attention… But, since the acting vice principal while Iris is out is Jess, then they will be dueling with swords in exchange for their freedom

Fortunately, the White Knight is fighting for them and gives them a chance to head to the palace while Fei goes to find her dad and get the Storybook of Legends

Iris arrives at the palace first, and uses an illusion spell to get past the guards while posing as Nathaniel

Guard: All hail the Queen of Hearts! Or else! And make sure to hand deliver to her your presents… Or else!

Aya: Yes! It is MY birthday party! And keep in mind, any present smaller than the palm of my hand shall result in your execution. That is all.

Iris is about to get executed until she poses as Nathaniel and her “son’s” presence actually manages to calm her down, much to the kingdom’s relief

Fei discovers from her dad that he gifted the Storybook of Legends to the Queen of Hearts, and Fei is thrilled at first… Until she finds the massive present room

Once Iris discovers from the Queen where the book is, she leaves, but not before starting an opposite game for when Nathaniel finds his mother

Anyway, the group arrives, and Fei goes to deliver the bad news about the Storybook of Legends, but Nathaniel’s too distracted by seeing his mother for the first time in years

Nathaniel: Mom! *Hugs her* I’m so happy to see you! I… In spite of everything, I missed you so much and I love you!

Aya: … You love me?! How dare you?!

Nino: … Dude. Cold.

Nathaniel: Wh-what?

Aya: You heard me! And by the way, you look horrid.

Nathaniel: *Starts crying*

Marc: So, can I commit regicide now?

Nathaniel: Mom, you’re not making any sense! I’ve been missing you for years, and I thought you still loved me! After I found out about your curse-

Aya: “Curse?” I’m under a curse? Whoops! Did I just lost the game?

Nathaniel: What are you- Wait. Is this an opposite game?

Aya; *Giggles* Nope.

Nathaniel: *Hugs her* Then, let the game start.

Aya: Oh, thank God! Of course I love you, Nathaniel.

Marinette: … These are some fucked up games.

They find Iris in the present room, and she’s about to sign the Storybook of Legends in Nathaniel’s place, but Marc uses his powers to teleport to her just in time and take the book

He tries to fend off against her attacks, but since Iris is armed with his mom’s spellbook, he doesn’t stand a chance… Unless…

Marc signs his name and inherits his mother’s dark powers, which corrupt him as he goes on a power trip until Iris yields or dies… Whichever comes first

The latter option would’ve been first if not for Marinette coming between them and saying he’s not his mother while apologizing for acting the way she did

This snaps Marc out of if, right as the Queen of Hearts arrives looking enraged even with Nathaniel trying to calm her down

Now with the Evil Queen’s powers, he lifts the curse off of the Queen of Hearts, making her sane… ish, and he breaks Mme. Bustier’s seal on Wonderland, merging the two worlds again

Also, The Queen decides to have a little chat with Mme. Bustier and Damocles, but as Nathaniel is the future King, she figures this will be good practice.

Nathaniel: You lied to the public for years and deemed my mother a warmongering lunatic when you knew all along that the Evil Queen was behind it all? And to make matters worse, rather than help her, you separated my friend and I from our home?!

Damocles: W-well, you see-

Mme. Bustier: We just-

Nathaniel: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Now Mme. Mendeleiv and M. Monlataing are Principal and Vice Principal

Also, for anyone wondering, the white knight was actually Aeon Charming the entire time. How did she end up in Wonderland?… We’ll go over that later

All I’ll write for now

[separatist-apologist]

What’s this year’s fit for trick or treating, Mother?

This is the first year the kids didn't do a group costume. We came close with Scooby Doo, but then my son decided he wanted to be Bill Cypher and Mr. MB got excited- they built that costume from the ground up and it does look really good. I'll try and get a picture of it that I can share with you all- I think you'll like it.

Little MB is Wednesday Addams, which is difficult for her because shes "a smiley girl" and Wednesday doesn't smile. She's been practicing her frowny face.

And my oldest is going as a zombie bride- we made fake blood last night and were splattering it all over her dress, it looks pretty good.

I am at work today dressed as Yzma, ready to hand out candy and I have to say the hat she wears is not comfortable at all.

[ninihousebears3000]

We are glorious!

So these ocs I made years ago and they weren't attached to any fandom. And during this rewatch of Hellsing I couldn't stop the urge to shove them into the universe. This was fun for me because originally most of them were basically side characters that I didn't pay too much attention to. And now they get to shine. Also, some of the characters are related and are named after each other. Also I used HeroForge because I can't draw yet. I also highly recommend HeroForge because they have a face customizer. They were originally from a superhero universe so wacky human physics shall ensue.

Madam Zoella Gloria & Soto Gloria

In my head Madam Gloria is voiced by Eartha Kitt. (Voice of Yzma from Emperor’s New Groove)

Despite the House of Gloria having existed for many generations. The house had faced multiple dissolutions and even had a couple name changes as well. The history of the house is complex and is often left shrouded in darkness. Only the Madam is allowed to comment on it. "I built this house with my bare hands." It's a quote that Madam is often saying.

Speaking of her, Madam Gloria comes off as rather friendly and charismatic. Many people who have a long history with her see through her friendly demeanor. But can't help but feel she is always right. It's a strange sudden feeling that there is no other option than the one she is presenting. Those who are very keen can see she is rather manipulative and intelligent. For decades she practiced sorcery and witchcraft becoming extremely powerful. Suddenly, she stopped being active in the supernatural world after the birth of her second daughter.

To a lot of people's surprise the man who follows Madam Gloria around, bringing her meals, assisting with daily duties, and tending to the garden. He is not the resident butler. That is Soto, Madam Gloria's husband. There isn't much known about him. He took his wife's name when they got married. He's genuinely very nice and is basically the doctor or healer of the house. He makes his own herbal medicines that have the worst flavors ever. Aside from being by Madam Gloria's side all the time he is in the greenhouse working on his elixirs or tending to his plants. He totally has a past with Walter if you know what I mean.

The house handles many areas involving the supernatural world. They don't have any real loyalty to the American government but are seen as independent contractors. The house dissolves cults involving magic, investigates ghost activity, are mediator between other houses, and stops any faction wars from happening. Of course hunting vampires, demons, and other freaks that menace humans.

The House of Gloria is seen as conniving, power-hungry, opportunists. The other houses and magic organizations claim the Glorias pervert the ways of witchcraft, sorcery, and alchemy. Often pushing the boundaries on how much power should one person have. Even though they have a spotty reputation they are feared by the houses for one reason. There's something unnatural about Zo.

Zoella Edith Gloria "Zo"

Zo is the trump card of the house. Other members are also magic users. Mostly, outcasts within the supernatural world. But it's not even a competition with Zo. Her humanity is often questioned, she seems to possess superhuman abilities such as speed, strength, and extreme durability. Black shadows with a turquoise hue surround her body as she regenerates. After being severely injured she arises like a puppet on strings. Most of the members find her presence unnerving. Either it’s her imposing height or the lack of expression.

Zo rarely talks about her childhood. And never mentions her older sister. If someone asks who was that girl in the family portraits she simply says, “She left a long time ago.”

As far as she knows when Zo was a newborn she was terribly sick. Madam and Soto poured as much magic as they could into Zo. Until a miracle happened and Zo lived through the night. But there's more to it and that is a family secret that she doesn't know.

Switching between using special weapons that are meant to destroy supernatural monsters. Using shadow magic Zo pulls weapons from her very own being forming into whatever she wants. Often swords, knives, and even a scythe. On occasions that require a more powerful approach, Zo can shift her body parts to take on a shadowy form. Becoming even stronger.

There's more to Zo’s powers. Those who are very keen will notice that she is built very differently.

Zoelle Harveen Saint “Harveen”

Against her mother’s wishes, Harveen joined the House of Gloria. Harveen is the niece of Zo. Her mother ran away from the house when she was seventeen years old. So Harveen is walking into a house chalked full of family secrets. In public, she must address her grandmother as Madam Gloria and her grandfather as Soto. And she struggles with calling Zo “Ms. Zo”. Which feels extremely awkward for her.

One of the reasons why she joined was because Harveen wanted to get stronger in her magic. Madam Gloria stated, to properly learn magic she must gain experience thus beginning her apprenticeship.

Reluctantly, Zo took her on and the two have some difficulty working together. On the field, she relies on the strength and fire powers she inherited from her now-deceased father. Instead of using the field as practice for complex incantations and other magics.

Brianna “Bria” Okuma & Elias Reyes (Aka the extras)

Bria and Elias are Zoelle's best childhood friends. If they show up at the Hellsing Manor They kinda have no reason to be there. Zoelle just snuck them in with her. Bria and Elias also work for the house as well.

Oh yeah so just don't think too much. But Bria and her family were video game characters that became too sentient and somehow ended up in the real world. She is from a beat em up side scroller game which is why her abilities are literally being really good at giving the hands. Bria can teleport a short distance which when she fights looks as if she is moving at a super speed. She can also hop into electronic devices that have a screen and bring up to two people with her. Which was how she and Elias were able to stow away in Zoelle's DS.

Elias comes from a family of speedsters. Although, it doesn't show up expectedly like most members of his family. Instead of having super physical speed his mind moves extremely fast. This makes it difficult since speedsters are able to move with the speed of their mind. (Conversations feel like a drag) He needs constant stimulation to keep his wandering mind focused such as puzzles, music, audiobooks, and podcasts. Anything really. He's weirdly great at investigating since his mind goes through various theories at an extremely fast rate.

EDIT:

I recently, changed Zo’s color scheme from black and turquoise to black dark purple.

The turquoise photos will be here and the purple ones will be at the top.

Recently, I decided to have Harveen go by her middle name “Harveen” and not go by her first name “Zoelle”. I realized that it might get confusing with three characters having variations of the same name. 😅😅😅 My B.

[boombambaby]

The Visit (Pt. 1)

|| Another flashback! ||

Dappled sunlight filters in through the slit in the silk drapes acting as a curtain for his litter, warming his upturned face now that they’re finally free of the jungle’s thick tree-top canopy. Between the warmth from the sunlight and the gentle rhythmic sway of the litter from the guards coordinated march, it didn’t take any time at all for Kuzco to drift off to sleep once they finally set off from the palace. Weeks have passed since the llama adventure, the majority of that time spent working to formally reinstate him as Emperor, begin a manhunt to find Yzma– and reversing everything Yzma had put into place for the short time she held the position as Empress.

There were a lot of minute details to be attended to– including but not limited to removing new taxes she had put into place, and canceling the orders for statues she planned to have built in her likeness and placed in each of the Empire’s villages.

Having Kuzcotopia removed from the to-do list was the single most important item to be taken care of, of course. Kuzco insisted on halting any plans in the making and redistributing the funds necessary for the project towards the village he had planned to build in– Pacha’s village. New farming and herding supplies, an upgrade for the food storage, and a fund put into place for repairs to huts and the village as needed.

Needless to say, his council and the temporary advisor put in as Yzma’s replacement were absolutely shocked by the sudden change of heart. Several had doubts that this was actually Kuzco, and not a doppelganger of some kind put in place to replicate the fallen Emperor. It took a lot of convincing, and retelling of his dangerous, heroic tale– but eventually they took him at face value. After Pacha’s suggestion however, and a lot of deliberation– Kuzcotopia wouldn’t be completely abandoned after all.

It was still going to happen, just. . . on a much smaller scale. Perhaps in the future he could look at creating his summer-palace in a better location, but for now? A little hut in the countryside (complete with WATERSLIDE!) sounded more than perfect for his needs.

Finalizing the plans for his hut and fixing everything else took up the majority of his time, and he hadn’t been able to send a courier to Pacha and co to let them know when he was planning on stopping by the village to check out the progress made on the vacation hut. From what he understood, it was mostly finished save for a little bit of buttoning up and he couldn’t wait to see it.

He’s jostled as the litter comes to a sudden stop, rocking forward before remaining stationary atop the guards shoulders once more. They bend to lower him to the ground, and still groggy from his nap, Kuzco leans forward and raises his arms in an exaggerated yawn before sweeping the curtains to the side.

The village looks more or less the same than the last time he was here– except, you know. It’s not night time, and he’s not looking at everything from closer to the ground and on four legs. Curious peasants have stopped to stare slack jawed at the royal procession winding its way through their little village. Before Kuzco is fully out of the litter, the guards at either side of the procession blare their horns to alert the rest of the village to his arrival.

Kuzco doesn’t exactly jump, but it’s a near thing and he shoots his guards a glare as he straightens up to smooth out his robes. He’s in his usual imperial robes– but without the long train, primarily because he didn’t want to have it dragging behind him in the dirt. He would’ve dressed more casual, but it’s not like he has a ‘summer wardrobe’ (yet) and besides– it’s all about appearances.

Several of the villagers bow to him almost immediately, dropping whatever they had been holding and lowering their heads. Other’s take a little longer, coming out of their huts or from down the hill to see what all the fuss was about. While it’s a scene he’s used to, Kuzco still vividly remembers what Yzma and Kronk said about no one truly caring whether or not he was dead and it stings a little bit all over again. To them, he’s a figurehead– the face of authority, but not worthy of any actual respect as the spoiled man child he (used to) behave as.

A frown curls his lips and after a moment, Kuzco loudly clears his throat in an attempt to get everyone’s attention. Some of them look up, and he takes a moment to remove his crown in a gesture of solidarity, tucking it underneath his arm and using his free hand to shoot them all a jaunty little wave.

“Uh, hey– hi there. Yeah, thanks. This is great, really– but why don’t you folks go ahead and stand up for me. Kay?” Confused murmurs fill the air, and one by one the peasants stand, watching him with cautious expressions– as if any moment they expect him to single handedly arrest each one of them for not giving him the proper supplication.

Once they’re all standing, Kuzco grins at them and offers them a nod before casting his own glance around at the gathered community. If he’s not mistaken, he doesn’t see–

“ –Hey, has anyone seen Pacha lately? You know, big guy,” He demonstrates by raising his hand, holding it flat in the air above his head. “ –funny hat. Smells like llam– HEY! There he is, my main village man!” Pacha is ambling down the hill with a child on his shoulder, looking as confused as the rest of the village at the gathering. For a fleeting moment nothing happens, and then Kuzco is darting forward to meet the man halfway and throwing his free arm around his middle in a one sided hug.

He’s sure he hears a couple peasants gasping in the background, but his focus is on the big guy in front of him who’s smiling down at him and returning the greeting with a brief pat to the shoulder. They haven’t had much contact since the ‘incident’, but they did part on friendly terms and truth be told– it’s great to see him again. “Hey, Kuzco. Didn’t expect to see you for a while yet.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. So much red tape to cut through, you know how it is.” He pauses then, shoulders raising in a shrug before giving Pacha a gentle punch against the arm. “But, you know me– can’t hold me down for long. So! Where’s this stunning summer vacation hut of mine? I hear it’s coming along great. Thought I might test out the waterslide today.” Kuzco offers, waggling his eyebrows at the child on Pacha’s shoulder– a small boy with short hair, who only giggles in return.

With that, Kuzco’s gesturing ahead of them and up towards the top of the hill with the hand still holding his crown. “Lead the way!”

The rest of the village can only stare in confusion as Kuzco— their EMPEROR, who never visits unless something bad is happening— Pacha and the guards who’d accompanied the Emperor head up the hill towards where all of the construction had been taking place.

[tobiarts]

i’ve never been intrigued w/ a rewrite aaron idea this much pls pls tell me abt ur Aaron Lycan rewrite 🧎

👀👀👀👀 I am telling you SO hard rn

Okay SO basically this idea is built on the fact that Zane probably isn't stupid enough to let people just see him... committing mass murder and standing around hundreds of corpses?? Like he has a reputation to uphold, can't go breaking mama's heart, etc. etc.

Starts off very similar- Aaron's son comes home with some very obviously cursed amulet. Is like "Hey, dad! Look!" And Aaron is like. Holy shit put that away. As soon as he grabs it or triggers it in some way, the entire town dies, etc.

Zane isn't just vibing at the entrance laughing evilly like an idiot? So instead Aaron breaks down sobbing, absolutely destroyed by the death of everything he worked up to and had.

Sometime later Zane approaches the town with a group of guards with the expectation of finding some ten-year-old there confused as hell/crying.

Nope! There is this 7' mountain of pure muscle sobbing his heart out.

Zane approaches him with the intention of getting his guards to kill him. When Aaron instead prostrates before him and begs him to believe that he didn't do this, Zane's plans change.

Partially because Zane is so easy to manipulate if he thinks you're under his control, and also because he is nothing if not resourceful.

Also not sure if Aaron is the one with the relic, but if he is Zane recognises this and realises he cannot lose this opportunity to have a relic under his control.

So Zane agrees to hear him out under the condition he goes to jail willingly. Aaron of course does and once he's there Zane hears him out as if he wasn't the one to kill all of his friends and family.

Using this to his advantage, Zane moulds this gentle giant to his will. He convinces Aaron he wants to help him, that he believes him, that they can trust each other, etc. In his vulnerability, this is what Aaron needs and absolutely falls for it.

From there, Aaron spends some time resting and being cared for. Once better though, Zane hardly even needs to ask Aaron to be his guard. However, instead of becoming a member of the Jury of Nine, Aaron becomes his personal guard. He uses him to do any dirty work he doesn't want to be associated with, sneaking around, and following him on delicate missions.

You know Kronk and Yzma? Like that

Aaron refuses to acknowledge Zane's wrongdoings. To him, there is always a reason for his actions, an explanation, etc. He essentially woobifies Zane.

Eventually, Aaron is sent to Phoenix Drop to scout out Garroth. Either due to Aaron's lack of elegance or Aphmau and Aaron's relics being drawn to each other, Aphmau finds him in the woods. He is the worst liar + anxious as he's been majorly isolated by Zane so just stays silent. Aphmau misinterprets it as him being cool and mysterious.

While Zane is initially pissed, he eventually decides to keep Aaron there as a pair of eyes on the inside. Not even Brian knows he's there.

To shorten the story: Aphmau befriends him and he sees her as his daughter. I'm thinking she develops a one-sided crush on him, but absolutely loses it when he rejects her feelings since she's never really been told no. This break in their relationship is ultimately what keeps him with Zane when he opens up the portal to the Irene Dimension. This also removes the really OOC and forced 'villain arc' Garroth has. Irene bless.

I don't know if I want him to stay in the Irene Dimension to fight Zane, or if I want it to be someone else yet. TBH it's mostly up to him meeting Aphmau that I've been bouncing around in my noggin.

Not MCD but in Phoenix Drop High,

Aaron is a senior and Zane is his freshman childhood friend. Due to them being childhood friends, Aaron follows Zane around and helps him with his evil schemes. It's more comedic and fails horribly due to both of them being dorks. Both of them are too uncool to get into the Shadow Knights as well

ANYWAY those are my ideas. I could go on SO much about so many stupid things, but this is Aaron specifically!!! It might change, especially since I really want to fuck with Garroth and Laurences arcs.... (Also I think the boys deserve to have some sort of relationship outside of Aphmau) (Also this was weird to write since in my re-write Aphmau is called Apple...) BUT thank you sm for asking me, I am kissing you so much rn tumblr user aaronisawhore!!!!

[darkmagickingdom]

Dark Magic Kingdom au info

AU where the Disney parks funded and had their Imagineers develop a series of highly advanced walkabout animatronics to allow guests to more authentically meet their favorite characters. Inspired by @disney-android-foundation ‘s AU and the concepts behind the disney parks kinect game and the mobile game Disney Magic Kingdoms

Since I have the ability to envision the company as not a totally soulless corporation in this AU, this implementation didn’t result in all character and mascot actors getting fired. They’re now either on the repair teams, understudies (to take the place of an animatronic if it breaks down) or character handlers (the folks who keep an eye on the animatronics and make sure they A. aren’t left to just break down somewhere, B. don’t wander farther than they’re supposed to, and C. don’t cause trouble for the guests) Character handlers also sometimes have to break up character fights or arguments because they’re all programmed to act and interact with each other very authentically.

However the animatronics were built with Asimov’s first law in mind, so unless something goes REALLY wrong, they’re incapable of intentionally causing physical harm to humans. Some of them will definitely yell at your kids though.

This AU is centered around the villains but there’s hero characters too (princes, princesses, mascots, supporting characters, etc), and I would be happy to talk about them as well if requested.

I’m mostly covering Disney animated movies, but also Pixar films, spin-off cartoons of both, stuff based on the rides (PotC, Haunted Mansion mostly), and Star Wars stuff (though mostly prequel era content because that’s my main area of interest and expertise). I’m not really going to cover Marvel stuff, sorry, I’m just not a big enough MCU nerd. Block criteria is at the bottom (I don't expect everyone to read it, it's just there for like. My stance on things I think matter and an explanation as to if anyone gets blocked and doesn't get why)

Villains and their home sections

Magic Kingdom

Fantasyland

Grimhilde/The Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)

Maleficent and Diablo (Sleeping Beauty)

Ursula (The Little Mermaid)

Madam Mim (The Sword in the Stone)

The Horned King, Gwythaints and Creeper (The Black Cauldron) / Character Handler: Carys

The Queen of Hearts (and the king) (Alice in Wonderland)

Hades (Hercules)

Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)

(Gaston can also be found roaming Animal Kingdom)

Adventureland

Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

Jafar (Aladdin)

Mozenrath (Aladdin the animated series)

Yzma and Kronk (The Emperor's New Groove)

Davy Jones (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Helga Sinclair (Atlantis: The Lost Empire)

Clayton (Tarzan)

Tamatoa (Moana)

(Clayton can also sometimes be found roaming Animal Kingdom)

(Because Tamatoa’s so huge, he’s mostly stuck in his meet and greet area)

Liberty Square

Dr. Facilier (The Princess and the Frog)

Oogie Boogie (The Nightmare Before Christmas) / Character Handler: Sam

The Headless Horseman (The Legend of Sleepy Hollow)

(Oogie has a casino-themed restaurant here, he roams the whole park in the Fall but stays here the rest of the year)

(The Horseman also shows up in Main Street, USA and sometimes Frontierland. He's a night-only character and sometimes even chases the Disney Railway trains, which the guests love. Both he and his horse are animatronics because you are not going to get a live horse to do tricks like that. He leads the Halloween parades also)

Main Street, USA

Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians)

Professor Ratigan, Fidget and Felicia (The Great Mouse Detective)

(I know they're British, I didn't really have anywhere better to fit them and Main Street's based on Colonial America anyway)

(Cruella can also sometimes be found roaming Animal Kingdom)

Tomorrowland

John Silver (Treasure Planet)

Scroop (Treasure Planet)

Doris (Meet the Robinsons)

AUTO (WALL-E)

NOS-4-A2 (Buzz Lightyear of Star Command) / Character Handler: Carmen

XL (Buzz Lightyear of Star Command) / Character Handler: Roxie

Evil Emperor Zurg (Toy Story)

Randall Boggs (Monsters Inc.)

(In my heart there's a Treasure Planet dark ride in Tomorrowland 😔)

(AUTO's pretty much confined to his meet and greet area, maybe it's inside a restaurant or something. I'm not sure yet)

(Zurg is based on his personality in the Star Command series rather than the one he has in Toy Story)

Animal Kingdom

(and either California Adventure or Adventureland in Disneyland)

Africa

Scar (The Lion King)

Zira (The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride)

Shenzi (The Lion King)

(Shenzi's hyena buddies are also around but she's the one that interacts with guests the most)

Discovery Island

Bruce (Finding Nemo)

(Bruce's shark buddies are also around, but he's the one that interacts with guests the most. They're all confined to the water)

Asia

Shere Khan (The Jungle Book)

Kaa (The Jungle Book)

Star Wars Galaxy's Edge

Darth Maul

Asajj Ventress

General Grievous

Count Dooku

Cad Bane

Hondo Ohnaka

Darth Vader

Various battle droid types (B1, Commando, MagnaGuard and Droideka)

I can attempt other characters not on this list also.

Block criteria

I don't have the time or patience to thoroughly vet everyone who interacts with my posts and I make it a rule to never publicly call out anyone blocked, but if I see you being like openly racist or ableist or some shit like that it's a block (probably a report too for hate speech). If I see you being hateful of any part of the queer community, that's a block. (Transphobia, homo/lesbophobia, biphobia, exclusionism against nonbinary/aspec/pan/"weird" labels and genders, take your pick, it's all banned)

I'm pro-choice and also antivaxxers would do well to avoid me because I am autistic and proud, I'm not gonna have you around spreading lies and treating me and people like me as though we're a fate worse than death.

Because I'm autistic and proud, folks who I see calling people having fun and being themselves "cringe" get a block too. Basically if you're pro-bullying or think bullying is okay if the target's "weird" or fat or whatever.

I do not want to be dragged into discourse, please don't come to me asking me my stance on the discourse of the week. If I haven't made my stance clear I either don't care or don't have enough info to feel confident taking a side. Or I'm actively choosing to stay out of the drama.

I generally will not block over ships or written/drawn fiction unless it ends up making me super incredibly uncomfortable. If that happens, please don't take it personally. I can't really predict what will and won't upset me really bad, but I won't call you out. If I see you suicide-baiting someone over written/drawn fiction/a ship that's a block, though. There's no reason to get like that over your uncomfortableness. If I think you might be an actual threat and not just someone with a ship I dislike, I'll just quietly block and report. No drama, no callouts.

If you think there's anything inherently morally wrong with being a furry, being a monster lover, liking villains, or selfshipping, you might as well block me because I'm shamelessly pro all of those.

[web-spinning]

hello!! Could I request a medic/scout either a one shot or just some head cannons for the scenario i have in mind❤️❤️ SO I have this little idea that scout can run so fast and jump so high cuz his body is just built perfectly for that, and that medic desperately wants to examine him because of this, but scout just hasn't gone to the infirmary for anything. So medic decides well 'I'll just have to injure him and make it look like an accident❤️' and succeeds, and scout somehow finds this out and is like 'Well that's weird and kinda mean but u coulda just asked🤷' YEAH it's pretty specific but i'd seriously appreciate it i love these weirdos❤️❤️

A / N- This one, in which Medic is Yzma, Soldier is Kronk, Scout is Kuzco, and Sniper is in genuine pain. Hope you enjoy!

" Medical Misconception "- about how Medic asked Soldier to knock Scout out.

Tw. Injuries, Soldier hits two people with a shovel, blood mentions.

- A perfect, almost inhuman-like figure. You see, I called you here because... Are you listening, Soldier?- Medic asked, turning from the cork board before him to look at the other man.

- Soldier?- He asked again, seeing how the man looked distracted. At his voice he delicately flinched, and shoved his hands behind his back.

- Oorah! Yes!- Soldier exclaimed.

- Good. See, this is why I need you, mein freund. This boy is growing on my nerves. I can't quite understand how he manages to achieve this state of athlecy. Of course young men are often flexible and fast, but this is...beyond everything I ever learnt about.- The doctor continued mumbling.- And for some reason I can't get him on my table. He always covers up his injuries himself, almost like he's scared to come here. We need to get him here, I need to run experiments! This is where you come into action.

He continued, now approaching the other man. Putting a hand on his shoulder, he made sure to keep his short attention span.

- You have to injure him for me. I don't care how. Just...hit him with a shovel, and we're done.

- Isn't that against the rules?- Soldier asked.

- Maybe...but is it against the constitution? Absolutely not, Doe. You need to do it, for America.- Medic encouraged. At the last word, Jane opened his jaw in awe.

- Yes sir!- He almost screamed, ready to take on the mission.

- Of course. Thank you, mein freund. Now, get to it.- Medic smiled, letting go of Soldier's shoulder. He didn't have to repeat twice for the man to rush out of the laboratory, already thinking of a plan.

The next day, Soldier inhaled the slightly rainy air of Thunder Mountain. It was a simple mission- transport the payload out of here for Blutarch Mann. Couldn't be simpler. In fact, it was so easy that Soldier spent most of the time out of the battlefield, following around Scout. It was hard to get to him, considering how fast he was. But Jane had just the idea. He had to act suddenly!

And so, he found a spot just around a corner, where he thought the other man might run around. Then he waited...and waited...He began to get bored, when he heard footsteps. He steadied the shovel in his hand, ready to attack. Then the poor person turned to the corner.

- Oorah!- Soldier yelled as he swung the weapons into the other man's knee caps. He heard a scream of pain after he took the hit, and saw a figure fall to the floor. But it wasn't Scout.

- F***ING HELL MATE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YE?- The person exclaimed, holding their legs in pain. That was Sniper. Soldier stared at him dumbfounded.

- Ye just broke both my legs, ya pickle-headed drongo!

- Oh, sorry! I thought you were Scout.- Jane explained calmly.

- Do I look like?!- The man began, but stopped to hiss from pain.

- Hey, what are ya two chucklenuts doing in here?- A voice called out, slowly approaching the scene. It put a smile on Soldier's face, as he steadied the shovel again. Finally, Scout walked onto the scene, a bit confused. He looked at Sniper, then at Soldier. Before he could say anything, Jane quickly waved the shovel, hitting Scout's face. The man at first looked just confused, then the very color left his face, and he fell to the ground, his eyes closing in the process.

- What's yer bloody problem?!- Sniper yelled.

- That's what I need to do. Oorah. Let's get you two to Medic.- Jane said, as if that whole situation was normal, slowly picking Scout's unconscious figure and swung it over his shoulder. Then he carefully approached Sniper, and took him in his arms.

- That's some shonky business right there...this is yer last chance to touch me, I don't want ye to talk to me ever again, Soldier.- The man said, with clear anger in his voice.

Some hours later, Sniper left the med-bay with one leg in a bandage, cursing out Soldier under breath. It left only Medic in there, with Scout who was still unconscious. 

The doctor smiled underbreath. Finally, he was going to find out the other man's biggest secret. He pulled the red latex gloves on, and began the research. First he tried weighting the man, but it was hard with someone who was as still as a blob. Then he checked Scout's height, noting it all carefully. Next out, he decided to take the man's blood, and a very small amount of soliva. He put it into two small mechanisms built for him by Engineer. They were similar to norm testers found in hospitals, with the difference they were more precise, and did far more than just look for bacteries.

Ludwig sat down on a short chair next to the surgery table as he waited for the results. As the time flew, his birds also got bored. He noticed that one of them landed on Scout, looking for food.

- Get off him, he's very bad with hygiene.- The man said to the bird, but it didn't listen. Instead it started to walk around the other man's chest, apparently finding it fun.

Out of sudden, Scout opened his eyes and took a huge breath, sitting up. It scared the bird off.

- What the...- He began, but was cut off by a beeping sound. Thetests were finished. Medic stood up from the chair and approached the machines.

- Ah, Doc! Good you're here! Soldier went insane, he hit me with a shovel!- Jeremy started complaining.

- I know, I asked him to.- The doctor said calmly.

- Ah, okay...wait, what?!- Scout asked, standing up from the surgery table.

- I needed to test you, and you never came here.

- You could've just asked, ya know?- The man said, furrowing his eyebrows.

- True...I didn't think you would agree. Anyway, the results are ready. It says here that...- Medic stopped, looking at the machines in disbelief.

- Your...your blood is twenty five percent pure radiation...How on Earth are you still alive?!- He snapped, confused.

- I dunno. Well, I once heard my drink has some radiation, but I don't think it's the case.- Jeremy started explaining.

- What drink?- The doctor asked, turning around to the man.

- You know, Bonk? Bonk Atomic Punch.- At those words, Ludwig's jaw completely dropped.

- Dummkopf! It was atomic in the name! Of course it has radiation!...And for some reason your genes are resistant to it.- Medic started mumbling.

- That's what makes you this fast!

- Bonk?

- No, not Bonk, schweinhund. Radiation! You are made of atoms!...Also, your DNA pattern looks oddly familiar. I swear I saw it somewhere already.

- Yeah, you got it on my classified work papers. Can I go see Soldier now? I want to talk to him. 

The doctor looked back at Scout and after a minute nodded.

- Just don't kill him.

[tenebraevesper]

Sonic the Hedgehog Analyzer, Issue #37: Test Run (Part 1)

Moving on, I wish to welcome you to our new arc, The Test Run! Arc, featuring the return of one of my favorite characters, Tangle, as well as the exploration of Belle’s story (even though I’m sure that at this point, we all know who her creator is).

We start off with Sonic and Tails showing Belle the way to the Restoration HQ, which was rebuild after the disastrous collapse it experienced during the Metal Virus Saga. It is nice to see that that fiasco still has consequences that are felt long after it happened rather than everyone just glossing over it.

Belle appears to be a little nervous, unsure whether the Restoration will take her in, but Tails assures her that they will, as they’re here to help those impacted by the Metal Virus and they’ll also help her find her creator (I suggest checking the closest Eggman Base).

Belle is also confused that the Restoration HQ would be at a ruined place like this, the three entering a tool shed, which appears to be the same shed Silver used to work on his garden. To quote Yzma, “Pull the lever, Tails!”

Once Tails pulls one of the tools, they start descending down into the underground. Tails explains that this is the back door and they decided to preserve the towns ruins as a memorial to what people had lost.

The actual Restoration itself is bustling with life, and honestly, my first impression was that it looked like a shopping mall. They are found by Amy, with Sonic wondering how the hell does she always find them (she probably has a built-in hedgehog radar).

Sonic notes that he thought Amy was done with being the leader of the Restoration, but Amy responds how she had some stuff to wrap up and make sure Jewel was fine. Tails introduces Belle, noting how she needs a place to stay, witch Jewel welcoming her happily, noting how everyone here pitches in to help the Restoration, sending her to the machine shop... or rather, calling Lanolin to guide her there.

Meanwhile, Amy and Jewel give Sonic and Tails a grand tour around the place, with Jewel being quite prideful of their accomplishments. One of the volunteers then calls Jewel, noting there’s something they need to see.

Back with Belle, we see that she’s kind of uncomfortable being around other people, mostly because she’s a robot and is seen as creepy. Lanolin brings her to the machine shop, the guy in charge being quite relaxed and accepting of Belle, asking her to help him out.

Unfortunately for Belle, she isn’t exactly the best helper at the machine shop, even doing the classic mixing up of salt and sugar. It is obvious that she’s rather worried about what people think about her. Things get worse when her tail gets pulled, causing an automatic kick that sends the box she was carrying flying across the room and knocking over a boat. Fortunately, the day is saved by Tangle, who wraps her tail around the boat, securing it.

The guy in charge is angry at Belle, calling her a liability, basically wanting to kicker her out, but fortunately, Tangle takes over, leading Belle away. It turns out that Tangle is actually banned from the machine shop, but she’s okay with it. Belle, on the other hand, laments her disastrous first day.

Tangle then asks Belle about her ability, with Belle explaining that it is automatic, happening whenever her tail gets pulled. Tangle looks excited, calling them “weird tail buddies”, while Belle asks her to just not pull her tail. They introduce each other, with Tangle being happy to have a new friend. Tangle notes that she wants something exciting to happen, overhearing something about freak storms and breaking into a devious grin.

She grabs Belle and rushes into the room where Sonic, Tails, Amy and Jewel are already discussing what is going on with the freak storms. Sonic, Amy and Tails decide to handle whatever is going on, figuring it’s Eggman, with Tangle wanting to join in.

While Tangle and Jewel argue in the background, Tangle being annoyed that Jewel reminded her how she’s on inventory duty and Sonic trying to cheer her up by saying how they’ll call her once Eggman does something again. As for Belle, she figures her creator might be there, inviting Tangle to join her as she has an idea.

We quickly cut to Sonic, Tails and Amy on the Tornado, approaching the tower, with Sonic taking quick care of the Badniks guarding it and Tails and Amy helping him bash in the door.

They literally fly inside, passing a green portal. Back at the Restoration, Belle shows Tangle an old hover bike, deciding to fix it so they can use it to follow Sonic, Amy and Tails. Tangle admits that she joined the Restoration to support Jewel, but now she hardly sees her. She notes just how hard Jewel works and figures that maybe they should go back, only for Belle to finish fixing the bike and the two flying off.

While Tangle and Belle are en route to the center of the freak storms, Sonic, Tails and Amy realize they broke the portal, hoping that it didn’t cause any alarms. Sonic tells them that they can worry about it later and to go inside and find some answers.

Sonic eventually comes across a Badnik making a line on the wall via chalk and quickly destroys it. He and Amy figure they must be close to something, but Tails wonders what it was doing with the chalk. At first, they’re all excited, Amy and Sonic especially, but ten minutes later, Sonic is frustrated that the place never ends, Amy annoyed and Tails still observing the chalk.

Tails decides to try something out, drawing an arrow on the wall and asking them to follow him, drawing more arrows as they go through the corridors. Once they’re back, it turns out that the line Tails made is gone and instead of going in circles, the place changes around them as they go through it.

Amy wonders what they should do, with Sonic telling them he’ll try an experiment of his own. He grabs both, deciding to see if the place shifting can keep up with his speed. The scene turns really trippy and we see them running through multiple differently-colored corridors.

Amy tells Sonic to run faster, noting that they can out-pace the maze and break through it, throwing her hammer. Suddenly, they’re sucked into another dimension.

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[raeynbowboi]

Disney Villains in DnD

With the Disney Princesses and Princes, I put them into parties, but for the villains, I’m going to start by listing the ones powerful enough to be a Warlock Patron in descending order of power (by their base form). The rest are ordered by the release date of their film. I’m not going to cover all of the Disney villains in this one post, as there’s just too many, and not all of them map easily onto DnD.

CHERNABOG THE DARK MASTER

AS BIG BAD: Archfield Patron Warlock (Asmodeus)

As Playable Character:

Race: Asmodeus Tiefling Background: Courtier Class: Divine Soul Sorcerer (Evil) Skills: Insight, Deception, Intimidation, Persuasion

The Devil on Bald Mountain, Chernabog stands as Satan and Lucifer incarnate, the Disney-Canon equivalent to the Prince of Darkness, and the ruler of Hell. Like with Maleficent and Hades, Chernabog lacks a stat block, being a Greater Deity, and King of the Archfiends, Ruler of the Nine Hells. As a playable character, Chernabog doesn’t lend out his hellish powers or get them from an outside source. Instead he is a Tiefling with the infernal bloodline of Asmodeus (Lawful Evil) running through his veins. When he was an angel, Lucifer would have been a courtier, standing in the shining Court of Heaven before he was banished to Hell. His skills make him adept at lying to and manipulating people, as Insight lets him learn a person’s desires, and then use lies and honeyed words to lead them astray in his service. Consider this a free “how to play as satan” build.

MALEFICENT THE WICKED FAIRY

As Big Bad: The Raven Queen

As Playable Character:

Race: Hexblood Background: Noble (History, Persuasion Intimidation) Class: Wildfire Druid Skills: Arcana, History, Intimidation, Perception

Lore-wise, Maleficent uses “All the Powers of Hell”, but in terms of Dungeons and Dragons, the Wildfire Druid gives Maleficent the best parallels to her powers, as she’s able to grow a wall of thorns, call a bolt of lightning, Polymorph into a fire-breathing dragon, and spread fire. It also works lore-wise as the Wildfire Druid destroys the very forest they swore to protect. As a Hexblood, Maleficent becomes a fey hag, able to curse princesses and disguise herself as a racial ability. As the Big Bad, Maleficent maps perfectly onto the Raven Queen, ruling over the shadowfell, summoning the Heartless to do her biding, and loaning Diablo to those who worship or swear fealty to the Raven Queen.

HADES GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD

As Big Bad: Hades/Death God

As Playable Character:

Race: Mephistopheles Tiefling/Reborn Background: Charlatan Class: Death Cleric Skills: Deception, Insight, Persuasion, Sleight of Hand

For Hades, the God of the Dead, making him into a Cleric was a no-brainer. But Clerics have very limited options for fire magic. Sacred flame and Flame Strike both deal radiant damage, and their only other fire spell is Searing Smite which they got in the spell list expansion. But as a Mephistopheles Tiefling, Hades can also gain temporary access to Burning Hands and Flame Blade, along with Mage Hand. Mephistopheles is also the demon best known for making a deal with Faust, a trait shared by the deal-making Hades. If you’re not feeling the fire theme, or your DM doesn’t like the tiefling subraces, Hades can also work as a Reborn.

THE HORNED KING MASTER OF THE CAULDRON BORN

As Big Bad: Undead/Undying Warlock Patron (Lich)

As Playable Character:

Race: Reborn Background: Noble (History, Persuasion Intimidation) Class: Necromancy Wizard Skills: Arcana, History, Intimidation, Investigation

Ironically, there is a new magic item that maps perfectly onto the Black Cauldron, the Cauldron of Rebirth. But oddly, it can only be attuned by a Druid or Warlock, and the Necromancy Wizard creates the strongest undead thralls, as he adds his Proficiency Bonus to their attack and damage rolls. But if you’d rather have the Horned King be able to use the Cauldron of Rebirth, then make him a Spores Druid. If you absolutely must go warlock, make him an Undead Warlock. As a Warlock Patron, he would be a Lich. In the Chronicles of Prydain books, he served Arawn, God of Death. But the Horned King serves no such master in the Disney film.

JAFAR THE GRAND VIZIER

As Big Bad: Genie Warlock Patron (Efreeti)

Race: Human/Fire Genasi Background: Courtier (Insight, Persuasion) Class: Genie Warlock (Djinni)/Wild Magic Sorcerer Skills: Arcana, Deception, Insight, Persuasion

Jafar is the only one of the patron villains who themselves is a warlock to another patron. In his human form, Jafar has little to no powers. Everything Jafar is able to do is through either his magic snake staff or Genie’s magic. It’s only once he becomes a genie himself that Jafar has his own powers. So, Jafar here is split between two builds. As a human, he’s a warlock relying on a djinni. As a genie himself, he’s a wild magic sorcerer. Technically, he could be both. Play Jafar however you want. As a big bad, Jafar is stuck as one of the most subserviant types of warlock patron, which isn’t so surprising why he’s this low on the patron scale. Only Ursula is technically weaker than him, but that’s only true when she’s in her base form. Once she wields the trident, Ursula is even more powerful than The Horned King.

URSULA THE SEA WITCH

As Big Bad: Fathomless Warlock Patron (Sea Hag/Kraken)

As Playable Character:

Race: Triton Background: Courtier (Insight, Persuasion) Class: Glamour Bard Skills: Arcana, Deception, Insight, Performance, Persuasion Items: Circlet of Human Perfection (reskin as seashell necklace)

I built Ariel as a Fathomless Warlock because in order for her to be on land, she had to make a deal with Ursula. So, with Ursula on land, she can masquerade as Vanessa, using Ariel’s voice to charm and manipulate people. We even see Ursula do this when she charms Eric, so we know that as Vanessa, Ursula could easily run a successful criminal empire using Ariel’s voice to hypnotize and manipulate people into obeying her orders. The Circlet of Human Perfection allows Ursula to maintain a perfect beautiful human disguise without having to eat up spell slots. As a Fathomless Patron, Ursula in her base form is a simple Sea Hag, being much weaker. But once she gets a hold of Dekella, the Bident of Thassa from King Triton, she can grow in both size and power to rival the might of a Kraken. And with Thassa’s divine bident, Ursula can command the tides and all the beasts and monstrosities within it, puting her nearly on par with the powers of a goddess of the sea. But unlike Hades, Maleficent, and Chernabog, even at her near godlike power, Ursula still has a stat block, her bident can still be taken from her, and she can still be slain and defeated.

QUEEN GRIMHILDE THE EVIL QUEEN

Race: Human Background: Noble (History, Persuasion Intimidation) Class: Alchemist Artificer Skills: Arcana, History, Intimidation, Investigation

I really did consider the Transmutation Wizard for Grimhilde, as it has the power to cast polymorph for all of your Frog Prince needs, and a master transmuter can even Restore Youth. But then, the alchemist can brew a potion of transformation, and the chemistry set is clearly how we see Grimhilde using magic. The only magic she performs without the chemistry set is when she creates a gust of wind in front of her magic mirror. She doesn’t even create the lightning bolt for her transformation spell, it just happens to be storming outside, so she’s not controlling the weather either. Plus, the most powerful spell she has is the poisoned apple and she has to summon a bolt of lightning to cast Alter Self, a 2nd level spell. By DnD standards, Grimhilde’s not really that powerful. She doesn’t even fight the player herself in Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep.  If you want Grimhilde to be more magical, then go with Transmutation Wizard, but if you want to be more accurate, the Alchemist is how Grimhilde does her magic. Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove shares a nearly identical build.

CAPTAIN HOOK THE GENTLEMAN THIEF

Race: Human Background: Pirate (Athletics, Perception) Class: Swashbuckler Rogue Skills: Athletics, Deception, Insight, Intimidation, Perception, Persuasion

While Hook’s still a putrid coward, he holds himself quite well, and is the epitome of Lawful Evil, maintaining a strict personal moral code to clash with Peter’s frankly Chaotic Neutral “heroism”. Hook’s not really good at the normal rogue skills like hiding or thieving, but he shines as a manipulative double-talking liar. Long John Silver from Treasure Planet has a similar build.

GASTON LEGUME THE HANSOME HUNTER

Race: Human Background: Folk Hero (Animal Handling Persuasion, Survival) Class: Monster Slayer Ranger Skills: Athletics, Perception, Persuasion Stealth, Survival

As the strapping hero of Belle’s Village, Gaston has the favor of his entire community, keeping them safe from any and all beasties that lurk beyond the city. Too bad he’s as rotten as they come. Likely one of the weakest villains in terms of pure power scale as little more than a local hero, he’s still an iconic enough villain I couldn’t resist adding him. Clayton from Tarzan shares a similar build.

SCAR THE USURPER OF PRIDE ROCK

Race: Leonin Background: Noble (History, Persuasion) Class: Oath of Treachery Paladin Fighting Style: Unarmed Skills: History, Insight, Intimidation, Persuasion

Simba was a druid because he was a wise king who could call upon his people to stand beside him. Scar is a paladin because he has devoted himself to a single goal: his own personal power. Scar shows little wisdom, but has a strong character and savvy charms about him that make him better suited as a CHA caster.

JUDGE CLAUDE FROLLO THE JUDGE OF PARIS

Race: Human Background: Investigator Class: Light Cleric Skills: Insight, Investigation, Persuasion, Religion

This was an easy villain to build. As a religious man worshipping God (who would def fall under Life, Light, and maybe Knowledge) Frollo would go for the one that lets him keep witches warm. His background was chosen as an investigator because he’s responsible for keeping the peace in Paris, and there wasn’t a background option for lawmaker. Noble or Courtier might have worked, but didn’t seem quite like the right fit as they deal more with aristocratic authority and royal court politics.

RIKU THE HEARTLESS KEYBLADE MASTER

Race: Human Background: Soldier (Athletics, Intimidation) Class: Raven Queen Warlock/Hexblade Warlock, Shadow Sorcerer Pact Boon: Blade Skills: Arcana, Athletics, Deception, Intimidation

In the first Kingdom Hearts game, Riku spends most of the game being manipulated by Maleficent. His DnD counterpart would surely be a warlock to her. But Maleficent oddly has not one but three possible warlock patron options. As the Raven Queen, she obviously has the Raven Queen Warlock, but the Raven Queen also created the Hexblade, which come from the Shadowfell, which she rules over. The third is unique to Maleficent, as she is a fairy, and a powerful one at that. Making her a valid choice for an Archfey Warlock. Archfey doesn’t quite fit Riku, but the other two do, and as a Sorcerer, Riku draws power from the Shadowfell which his patron rules over.

DR. FACILIER THE SHADOW MAN

Race: Human Background: Charlatan (Deception, Sleight of Hand) Class: Fiend Warlock Skills: Arcana, Deception, Persuasion, Sleight of Hand

It’s kind of hard to deny that Dr. Facilier is obviously a warlock, though his patron options don’t really come close to a neat fit. Among his choices though, fiend comes the closest to selling his soul to the Other Siders or Shadow Folk. It’s possible he could have sold his soul to the Raven Queen and his shadowy friends are the emissaries of the shadowfell, but as he has no raven or crow familiar, that’s a somewhat weak comparison.

[monkey-network]

Why Klaus IS Christmas Kino

Klaus isn’t flawless, let’s get this out the way. My love for this film won’t deny that it bears a couple nits that can distract the experience. Jesper and Alva’s relationship felt like an eye-rolling inevitability, notable cliches here & there, a notable song felt both fitting and out of place, and while enjoyable, I’m not as big a fan of the climax as I thought. But in spite of it all, I love this film and it is one of the best modern animated Christmas films, period? Follow me here. I could go on about its wonderful animation cuz yeah, it’s unlike any other film. But a philosophy of mine is that the best animation enhances the writing and I can say Klaus is that surprisingly well written and has become an all time Christmas fave

*deep breath in* So let’s do this...

I mention that Klaus has its cliches, but you gotta know that it’s smarter than expected. Believe me when I say if the writers didn’t care, this could’ve actually been so much worse. Jesper could’ve been more manipulative towards everyone for his goals, Klaus would’ve given up entirely after knowing the truth about Jesper, we could’ve had an argument between Jesper and his dad about upholding business, the townsfolk could’ve reverted back to their old ways, plenty writing moments where this could’ve been Emoji Movie levels of insulting to your intellect. BUT, they don’t. The film never really turns back on itself, it keeps moving where, as the notable quote goes, an act of good will sparks another as it starts with Jesper’s father.

Even if nepotism was responsible for Jesper getting the job in the first place, he clearly sees his son be more spoiled than he’s worth so is like, “Ma boi, I will send you to the ends of the earth or leave you to the streets if you don’t do something with yourself.” He never cared about his son representing the postal company, or ruining his top class image, he was only tired of Jesper taking advantage of his fortune while not having any ambition of his own. Can’t help but say Jesper’s dad is a very respectable character because the sole reason the whole plot happened in the first place was because he just wanted his son to do better. It’s that act of genuine consideration that pushes Jesper to his wake up call as he reaches Smeerensburg.

People have compared this movie to Emperor’s New Groove through Jesper’s character and I say yes, but this film takes that next step and put Jesper in the pit of pits way early. Reminds me more of Ratatouille’s beginning where Remy’s lowest point is around the same time as Jesper’s. The harsh atmosphere of the island is treated very blunt in how this is our mailman’s nightmare come true. With his situation, our guy is truly at his lowest. Gives up now, he’ll be cut off his inheritance and probably will have worse. Everyone hates him and each other, his post office itself is in shambles, symbolic of how communication is practically thin outside conflict, and the teacher turned fish seller Alva is that path Jesper could notably be if he didn’t try. Everything is literally grey for this guy, but like Ratatouille, when you’re at your lowest there’s no where else to go but up. That’s where Klaus comes in...

This is genuinely the most clever interpretation of Santa I know, hands down. A well established woodsman, a crafter both of living, for him and the birds that reside in his woods, and recreation with the toys he made himself not just for kids, but specifically the kids he and his wife wanted but couldn’t have. Klaus feels like a real person, not just another take on the mythical man. You’re with him and Jesper as he, after familiar winds provide him a letter, a small spark to do something good, soon opens up and gets reminded of what’s kept him going all these years. It is no wonder he sees his wife in Jesper, it’s thanks to him that he could refurbish his dashed dream into a new one. He didn’t just want to do it for the children of the island, but for himself. That is another thing about this film: communication. I mention before how it’s practically thin at first due to a long going feud that isn’t even aware of why it’s still going. The joy in hate is only for hatred’s sake, and they make it very clear how miserable it all feels. That is where Jesper comes in. They don’t take shortcuts with how he gets the ball rolling, both accidentally and purposefully, he boots up to get things done, pushes himself to go to Klaus to make things happen. This is all in part by the youth, what really ties the plot together...

As I mentioned before (again), life in Smeerensburg is noticeably miserable but thanks to Klaus, by extension Jesper, the kids are enticed to do what it takes to get some genuine joy in their lives through the toys they’re able to get. They’ll make them letters, and if they can’t write, they’ll go to Alva for teachings, and if they act naughty, they’ll try to do good which in turn pushes the adults to do good for the sake of their kids. It really would’ve been one thing to sure enough make the kids spoiled because of the toy giving, focusing more on the extrinsic value of Klaus’s kindness but no. The children are very grateful for these gifts enough to feel compelled to do good, and it makes them feel good as much as it soon makes the adults more convinced to stop fighting. It helps that this all takes place in older times cuz I believe this would’ve been far different, possibly worse, if this took place in modern times. That or just kinda rip off Arthur Christmas, it’s my guess. As such, it gradually becomes an amazing Christmas film because it isn’t just the presents, the Santa Claus myth, the festive style of it all that makes this holiday special to me. It’s the warmth... of togetherness.

My favorite detail about Klaus is how it transitions from cold to warm with its atmosphere. We start out with the emptiest, harshest environment, enough fog to choke your eyes, and then we get to this moment with a brighter, clearer sight of the more united town as the Christmas spirit builds in the film, even when it isn’t even that day yet in-universe, so too does the warmhearted feeling that can come from celebrating it appear more and more. This film fleshes out more of what the Grinch taught me, what A Charlie Brown Christmas taught me, what I’ve come to appreciate about Christmas as I grew up in this materialistic world. I can say everyday can have the Holiday spirit, but Christmas is the time where I feel compelled to be grateful of what I’ve made and got and give back when honestly, I don’t care about getting the most expensive stuff anymore like I used to when I was way younger. This film is so sincere in what it wants to say, and you know this is indeed the same guy that made Minions. Yeah, not kidding and I’ll let you sit with that if you’re reading this as I continue because we have to talk about that moment...

Yeah, I don’t like being the Nostalgia Critic, but I too don’t take kindly to the ‘liar reveal’ trope myself and this could’ve been a point where the film lost me a little. Though you know what? It still works. See, with that trope, what sucks is that it can tend to unravel the plot to where you know as soon as they break apart, they’ll get back together regardless of the deed done. This is why I don’t like A Bug’s Life, don’t @ me. But I’m not saying it can’t done right, like in Over the Hedge. The breakup between Jesper and the others is painful, but it is necessary to give us a couple great character moments. One is with Jesper and his dad, who came back personally to see that Jesper has indeed built something for himself. We get no dialogue between them but it’s clear that even when Jesper’s unintentionally successful thanks to Yzma and Bubba, he can tell his son wasn’t happy leaving everything behind, so he lets him stay since that was what he truly wanted this whole time. Again, give that man some credit for amazing dad. Another moment comes before the big reveal where not only do we see Jesper come to understand his own guilt surrounding his original intentions, but in the end they never hated him for coming back, especially due to him inadvertently stopping the enemy feud all together. Lastly, without that moment, we probably wouldn’t have got this smile. When Margu, purest character ever that I could make a whole segment about but I don’t wanna keep you too long, started to tear up after calling for Jesper thinking he left for good but she then sees our guy never really left and we get this teary smile:

I felt that. Almost more than anything else in this film.

Cliched as it can appear, the execution excels in those more memorable emotions for this film. It’s been a year since I watched this again and I remember so much about these characters. And my god, I haven’t even gotten to the animation which... my god.

Klaus is indeed the most beautiful upon beautiful films I’ve seen, and what makes it better is that it all enhances the story. I mention before of its transitional visual from cold to warm sights, but goddamn, the character designs, the environments, the expressiveness, the textures all amount to style perfect for this alone. I think it would’ve as well received if it had a more flat look, but they seriously went higher for a traditional appealing story that compliments the unique children’s storybook look of it all. This honestly is better than most of modern Disney films that I’ve seen, ironic since it feels like if you took Tangled the Series and made it 3D with more fluid character animation. And if I’m comparing something to the continuous mindblower that’s Tangled the Series, you’ve most certainly got on my best side.

Sergio Pablos and his team really pulled no punches in making this a great movie. A great Christmas movie, one worth seeing if not at least once but every Holiday season for tradition’s sake. Klaus gave me a good time, made me cry, and above all showed me to never stop having a good heart because doing good can indeed go far, thankless as it can be. Heck, my heart felt more rejuvenated than before in making this critique, that’s a testament to how much good this film means to me personally. What else is there to say?

It's The Best

[jcmorrigan]

WHAM ARMY + Modern technology... How would that go?

Mozenrath: Actually has a pretty decent handle on things such as computers and phones. Doesn’t see why you need them to do a job that can be done with magic, but he can work them. Also, don’t tell him that magic is just science that hasn’t been explained yet. That’s a good way to die.

Huntsman: One of the most tech-savvy of them all, since he was raised in an academy setting that required him to familiarize himself with a very specific brand of anti-magic technology that most of his world didn’t even have access to. He’s perfectly at home with pretty much all electronics.

Wuya: Spent enough time hanging around Jack Spicer that she also has a good handle. Also knows way more about video game consoles than anyone else in the core team because of this. Can and will destroy you at Super Smash Bros.

Yzma: This is a 50/50 split. Either she can perfectly program a sonar device to track one specific target that even the military can’t find, or she’s trying to turn on the TV with the garage door opener. There is NO indication as to which you’re going to get.

Mim: Hides the true depth of her knowledge on the subject. She’s actually world-hopped enough to see a lot, but she’d rather not people think her an expert in it or, worse, ask her their IT/repair questions.

Aghoul: Nope. Just nope. He’s learned how to use a cell phone and that’s the most we can expect.

Roman: Another of the more tech-savvy end of the team. He designed and built the Melodic Cudgel himself, so he’s actually a fairly decent weapons engineer - though as soon as actual techies got brought onboard the operation, he took a back seat, since it’s not his favorite thing and he really only plays with the basics. The one thing he can’t handle? Kitchen appliances. The man can design a ballistics chamber and yet routinely forgets that you need to have a lid on the blender before you start it. Also, thanks to him, the entire squad thinks phones are called “scrolls” because he insisted and wouldn’t hear otherwise, not even from Huntsman or Wuya. Anytime I write “scroll” in a WHAM ARMY hand, it’s not even literally a Remnant-issue scroll. They all just mentally refer to their devices as scrolls because of Roman doing this so early on. (And for the love of all that his holy DON’T let him drive)

Snatcher: OH DEAR GOD. He’s terrible. Everything is an “infernal device” that he doesn’t understand and curses out. He can’t operate ANYTHING (especially not anything that resembles a vehicle; getting in the passenger seat of a car he’s driving is another good way to die). And when he doesn’t understand a device, it’s the device’s fault, not his. He’s also gotten pretty good with using a phone, except whenever he texts, he NEEDS to write a paragraph with perfectly constructed grammar, and he’s a slow typer. You send him a text, you might be waiting 15-30 minutes for a response even if he does see it right away, and then you’ll get hit with a novel. Also, if he attempts anything in the kitchen, that kitchen is on FIRE. It’s best to just...not let him near anything with a motor or a microchip unless he has supervision from Huntsman, Wuya, or Roman.

[rosiebrie]

What I liked in the finale (not in order because I'm listing them as I think of them, after watching):

- Varian can play the piano!

- Rapunzel with long brown hair

- Rapunzel's quips about hallway decor

- Rapunzel cuts her own hair

- Lance legally adopting Kiera and Catalina

- Zhan Tiri/Demanitus flashback makes them sound like quarreling lovers and I just have even more questions

- Zhan Tiri's little forked tongue and hiss moment

- Baby Vigor in the flashback

- The monkey scene was cute and also short

- THE "I LOVE YOUS" EXCHANGED BETWEEN RAPS AND CASS, GAAHH MY SAPPHIC HEART IS ASCENDING

- The magical friends the Coronans make in the lost dimension

- Zhan Tiri burning that hole in the floor was cool

- Everything about dark squid goat demon Zhan Tiri final form was epic

- Eugene and Edmund's fight + Edmund destroying the mind trap and hugging Eugene after he forgives him

- Varian taking precautions with the helmet that knocks Quirin out

- Eugene getting beat up by the Brotherhood was brutal but I love angst

- Max climbs

- Hector falling into the river really made me laugh

- Rapunzel cradling Cass against her chest while she breaks down

- Rapunzel's song in Cass' room broke my heart

- As did Cass destroying her room at the beginning of the ep

- Demanitus is HANDSOME. He looks so much like Quirin dudes. I hands down believe that Quirin and Varian are descended from him.

- Varian built that portal in like 10 seconds

- The snake hair talks

- Catalina turns into a werewolf when Zhan Tiri grabs her

- THE CALLBACKS TO THE END OF THE MOVIE W/ CASS AND NEW DREAM AT THE END. THE HUG AND THE HEALING INCANTATION AND AHDJFMGKL

- THE NEW DREAM PROPOSAL WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL AND MY HEART CAN'T HANDLE IT

- Cass going off on her own to find her own destiny

- The whole "where are they now?" segment at the end explaining what happened to everyone post-canon

--

What I didn't like:

- Zhan Tiri's adult flashback design lookin like a crusty ass Yzma wannabe

- The group song was cute, but there was so much hype for it that I was kind of caught off guard cuz I was expecting a more... epic tune? XD It was fine though, overall I really liked it.

That goes for the whole episode! Though I've had my issues with some aspects of the story (especially in this last season), I found this finale to be very satisfying. Being in this fandom has been such a fun time, and I'm honored to have seen this enjoyable show all the way through to the end. ♡

[delightfullyquirkydoodles]

Is there anything you wanna share about Penelope? I'd be delighted to learn anything you're in the mood to talk about in regards to her

Oh god, yes, please let me talk about Penelope. She’s been on my mind lately and I’ve been itching for the chance to ramble about her.

(Under a cut, of course. I don’t want to clog up people’s dashboards with my lengthy posts.)

Okay, so, Penelope was the third character I ever made for D&D Fifth Edition, after Cai (elf cleric) and Aurin (tiefling bard), respectively. 

She’s an artificer, which means that I’ve had to redo her character sheet several times, since artificers aren’t. Y’know. A base game class and their kit keeps getting revised. Hopefully I won’t have to tweak her again, since the artificer rules that appear in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything are supposed to be the final version, but you never know.

Backstory wise, she’s lonely-rich-kid-turned-mad-scientist! Her parents were minor nobility who decided to have a child for Clout™, only to her off to their servants once it was no longer fashionable to bring her to galas. As a result, Penelope grew up with only her family’s staff for company. Now, this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing -- Alfred, her goliath valet (and a friend’s D&D character), became both her teacher, bodyguard and best friend as a result -- but it also wasn’t a good thing, if you catch my drift. Though she learned a lot about history, philosophy and (mostly importantly) science, she didn’t have many opportunities to practice etiquette. Or interact with people her own age. Or, uh, anyone who wasn’t being paid to spoil her, basically. So it’s not really a surprise that she became... a strange young lady, to put it mildly.

She was really interested in mechanical engineering for a while (she built her clockwork owl familiar when she was only fourteen), but eventually shifted her focus to biochemistry, figuring that it would be more interesting for her to study the bodies of living things rather than build bodies for artificial creatures. Somewhere down the line, she developed the theory that the origin of magic was tied to some biochemical reaction within the bodies of otherworldly creatures. Determined to prove this theory, she packed up her chemistry set and set out to do some field research. (By that, I mean finding monsters -- everything from beholders to illithids to angels -- and cutting them up to see where their magic comes from and maybe harness some for herself. Alfred usually tags along, just to make sure she doesn’t get killed. Or, uh, kill anyone she’s not supposed to.)

She also works part time at a prestigious college, though it’s very rare to actually find her on campus (she keeps odd office hours and takes lengthy sabbaticals). Not that her colleagues mind. Most of them don’t like her very much. She has a slightly better relationship with her students, though some still spread rumors that she’s involved in... unethical experiments. No one can prove anything, though. No one alive, anyway.

TL;DR, she’s an extremely wealthy, socially inept alchemist who believes that magic is a chemical process and is willing to dissect god to prove that theory. 

I initially based her on Patricia Tannis from the Borderlands series, but somewhere along the way, bits of Yzma from the Emperor’s New Groove started creeping in. (I blame Alfred’s player, honestly. He gave me a Kronk-like bodyguard to interact with.) 

She also has a probably-non-canon descendant named Petunia living in the far future. (By descendant, I mean the descendant of a clone she created, because she was in no way interested in having children the conventional way. Not that the players in my Starfinder campaign, where she was an NPC, ever found this out.)