#because I'm gonna be emotionally compromised again when I do

[hikinghydaelyn]

Okay, but riddle me this, game. What if I don't want to return to the Waking Sands? What if I want to play Schrödinger's Allies for a bit?

I know how this goes, man. ngl tho, the reblog on that post always makes me laugh.

[peppermintquartz]

I'm feeling bitchily critical today so. Let's get critical.

Reasons why Season 8 of 911 (so far) sucks:

Bobby and Athena are aimless

They have no house. The logical development is for them to look for one, one for their future. That is theirs. Where are the house hunting woes? The disageeements and compromises? Are they ever going to have a chance to find a place they both love? Or build one, even?

Athena's job description is all over the place

She's giving school talks. She's conducting traffic stops. She's escorting a prisoner across state lines. She is mentoring new officers. She's a goddamn Sergeant but what is her job scope? Every single thing requiring the presence of police, apparently!

Hen and Karen have little direction for growth

The Mara adoption issue could have brought out more of their relationship, developed them in terms of relying on each other through a difficult time. The storyline with Ortiz could have really delved into the struggles of the foster care system, and how Hen and Karen broke rules designed to protect the kids. (Seriously, if a child is removed from a foster family, it's logical not allowing the foster parents to meet the child that was removed for the safety of the child). Where was the appeal to Ortiz as a mother? Where was the struggle? Where is the tension between the Wilsons and the Hans? Instead there was a Deux Ex Gerrard. And I am not even gonna start on the whole "why didn't you take leave for Halloween" shit, that stuff should have been settled when Denny was a baby. What are their next steps? Same old same old?

Gerrard is a joke

An established bigot and racist returns. He could have been a great way to show how the 118 has grown beyond him and his bullying. Instead they're cowed by him, and lets him yell at Buck? Whatever happened to the "who cares" courage in Season 7? And he gets the reward of his dream job?

Eddie is still not healed

He emotionally cheated on his girlfriend with his dead wife's doppelganger. Has he even processed what that actually means? No! His son moved to Texas. Has he coped with the loneliness in his house? Who knows? Certainly not the audience, since we don't see him go to therapy or, hell, have a full breakdown! He confides in people who aren't his friends, let alone his so-called best friend! Bobby gave him a prayer book but we don't even hear Eddie rage at a God who keeps putting devastation and challenges in his way. What wa the point of the prayer book then? He just danced in his underwear and somehow that made him smile and now he's moving across the country and, what, giving up on his home and his job? Is that really healing, Edmundo Díaz? Or are you just running from the problem again?

Chimney has no internal or external motivation

He was providing for Mara for a few months. Was he stressed about it? Did he think about seeking a promotion for a higher salary? Also, he is an immigrant. Does that influence how he teaches Jee? Has he and Maddie, white suburban raised Maddie, ever discussed the potential problems Jee might face? Or whether they wanna include some Korean culture in Jee's education, since they gave her a Korean name? Does he ever think about any of these issues? Is he at all conflicted? What does Chimney want?

Maddie

She was the one who wanted to meet Tommy. Has she done so outside of the wedding? What was her opinion of him? Is Maddie content to stay in Dispatch in the exact same position? Has she any career ambition? And about Jee: does she never think about the Korean part of Jee? Connecting to her own culture? Learning Korean, maybe? That would have been interesting because perhaps she wants her daughter to connect to that part of her roots but Chimney doesn't, for his own reasons. Also, if she wants to have a second kid, why didn't she discuss it with Chimney outright before the pregnancy? Was she not taking the pill? Were they careless again? What would she do if Chimney didn't want a second child? Abort? Given how the first pregnancy was traumatic for the whole family, including her brother, this development is showing her to be pretty self-centered, frankly. I don't know this Maddie. She's not the same one that gave Buck her Jeep to escape, knowing that she'll be hurt by an abusive husband.

Brad

Why is airtime devoted to a character that is barely connected to the 118? What is the reason behind giving him so much focus? Is he supposed to quit acting and become a firefighter or something? What is the rationale for his existence?

.

.

And I haven't even touched on Buck or Tommy.

[brw]

I saw one of your older post regarding beast descent to villainy. If you wrote a similar story how would you go about it?

ooooo okay, i have a few different ideas! I'm gonna organise these into little bullet points, because I have different ideas of what would work in different time periods Vs what I think artistically / thematically would be fun to play around with as a writer & artist. I'm putting these under a cut because I ended up saying a lot more than I thought I would so apologies in advance!

Okay my first idea is a fairly standard one and it's kind of similar for what's going on currently but like. actually taking into account who Hank was before instead of just putting an edgy OC in his skin. Because I do think Hank has increasingly got more comfortable with compromising his own morals for the idea of the greater good and I do think he gets that trait from Charles, and I think he's very easily manipulated into doing bad things if it's sold to him as being for the greater good of it all. But the thing is, Hank would never stop personally loving, caring and respecting the people he works with. He would never stop fighting on behalf of Logan, Ororo, Jean, Wanda, etc, he would never stop trying to be their friend and vying for their love and appreciation. And I think in a situation where he thinks that what he's doing is justified but it comes at the cost of them no longer respecting him, I think he would internally hate himself a lot more. Hank has always been someone susceptible to internal conflict and self-hate and my vision for a villainous Hank would be for those to be his core defining features as a villain. Someone who does genuinely believe what they're doing is right but hates himself every step of the way as it distances him further and further from those he loves. He couldn't necessarily be reasoned with but you would always be able to see how much guilt he felt for having to hurt those he cares about rather than mindlessly killing Logan when it suited him. Before anything, Hank McCoy is someone who loves his friends and I would prioritise that as his core trait as a villain.

Alternatively, I think another route I can see Hank becoming a villain is that I think Hank has already begun to feel distant from the other X-Men and from his other friends. I think during Bendis' stint and IvX is where this is most clear and that's what this would be based off from. I think when the X-Men gather as a group to try and stop Hank from doing what he's doing, "The Trail of Hank McCoy" or whatever the issue is called, I think I can see a particularly testy Hank who is already doing in his mind everything that can be done to help them going "alright, fuck you, maybe I will be this awful mad scientist you keep pushing me to be". This is kind of a pure villain and wouldn't be terribly in character but I would put the more campy, hedonistic Avengers-y side of Hank to the forefront because I think before anything a properly, genuinely villainous Hank who is leaning into villainy should be fun. Like Dark Beast, awful, but he's fun! Current Hank has none of the pizazz of Dark Beast or of Sinister or Doom or whoever and I think that stylishness and charming villainy would be what I would want of a properly evil Hank. If he is going to be evil, and be someone you absolutely cannot reason with, he should be fun. He should be exciting and charming and exactly as suave and as emotionally intelligent as he was before.

Moving into less specific and more vibe-based ideas, another route for what isn't necessary villain Hank but certainly a much more vicious one is that during a bad spell Hank works on trying to cure himself again of his blue guise. Maybe tensions are rising, maybe he's isolated, maybe he got hate crimed, maybe someone was too condescending to him, who knows, but he doesn't want to be blue anymore and is determined to cure this via some old methods that Ben Grimm managed to turn back into human those random few times. It works, but what he ends up with is a Jekyll and Hyde situation where the Beast suddenly is its own distinct animalistic persona. The reason for this is that I think Hank spends a lot of time thinking about what his life would be like if he wasn't so visibly mutant and this would give that to him, but he's so focused on not letting his other persona slip out that he doesn't enjoy it at all and arguably becomes more reserved and isolated in an attempt to make sure he never gets tempted to turn blue again. And the blue side obviously is where all the fun loving, charming side of Hank went into, as well as all the primal urges and viciousness. I think it would be fun for Hank to explore that maybe him as his blue self really is the best place for him to be, as well as probably causing conflict when the X-Men want to use his furry self but he doesn't want that and ends up feeling used. A little Hulk esque I guess, I think it could be a fun exploration where Blue Hank is the one that everyone wants, but he is borderline feral a lot of the time and can really easily become incredibly dangerous because he doesn't have the impulse control Hank would usually have.

Hank becomes a werewolf. I'm not elaborating this one I just think it would be fun.

Another idea I have for an evil Hank is a Hank who got stuck in a time loop. Where he was constantly forced to relive a series of days where he couldn't save some of his closest friends and the repetition of seeing them suffer eventually drove him more or less mad and now he's so determined to protect his friends that he ends up like. slaughtering any kind of threat he can see and becomes increasingly deranged and vicious. I like this one because it brings Hank's love of his friends to the absolute forefront where that's the exact reason for his actions–he can't bare to ever go through anything like that ever again.

Another way I think Hank could become, not necessary even evil but certainly a lot more willing to act evil is if he and Dark Beast or another Beast that isn't Dark Beast specifically but another evil alternate universe Beast switched bodies permanently for a few years and nobody noticed. This is actually one of my favourite ideas for "fixing" the current characterisation and is based off the Star Trek Mirror universe episodes. 616 Hank tries to act more or less normal so he doesn't end up like, exiled and so he can work on getting home but has to like do un-anaesthetic open heart surgery every morning otherwise people will get suspicious, and by the time he manages to switch back his exposure to such a dark world has meant he's a lot more desensitised and prone to violence than before. He's still fighting for the X-Men and is still generally loving but when before he wouldn't claw someone's face off, now he definitely will because he's become so used to it.

and yeah! I have a few more vague ideas floating around but those are my general ideas for how I would personally like to do a villainous Beast arcs. None of them are perfect, all of them have flaws, but my goal would to always keep as much as Hank's character consistent. Because my problem isn't Hank as a villain–my problem is that so little of who Hank is has carried over to villain Hank to the point of which he feels like an entirely different character. Hank being evil shouldn't mean Hank suddenly doesn't flirt anymore or that he no longer is a caring person and no longer holds the safety of his friends as a priority, but because Percy's aim is to shock rather than to tell a compelling story we don't have any of those aspects of who he is. Anyway I hope these were interesting to read and I hope I explained them well! Have a nice day.

[technicalthinker]

I haven't even rewatched Rogue One yet but I realise I am still so incredibly emotionally compromised by the ending, specifically the ending Cassian and Jyn scenes. Seeing gifs, bits of it in edits or just thinking about it gets to me and god I rly need to rant about it and explore why (under the cut bc it got long lmao, warning for rogue one spoilers obv if you haven't seen it)

This breakdown is mostly from memory so I've prob misremembered details that is gonna ruin me on a rewatch.

Like ofc we have all the baggage of the entire movie, their conflict and the way they've connected in the background. But I think it's how in the end they're both battered and bruised. They're worn down, struggled to reach this point, and at the end Cassian managed to get up there to save Jyn with his last strength. It is all just scrambling for a win, giving it all they got to just do this one thing (the way everyone on their team has sacrificed themselves to get them here really just enforces that)

And then the moment in the elevator is just... not a word said but it gets me because it's so vulnerable. Both these characters have hard exteriors that they project to the world but in that moment they just look at each other with so much emotion and love. Cassians look especially is just so tired and yet love and admiration for Jyn. The performances here rly are.. it hits me. It's also physically intimate but in a way that just feels calm, soft, like they're resting. And it hits the feeling of, the realisation that exists between the characters from here on out "oh maybe we could've been something-".

and then out on the beach, they're proud. "do you think anybody's listening?". and the thing is, we know SOMEONE IS LISTENING. they did win. this isn't a tragedy of them trying and still failing, they've completed their mission. and they don't know it, but we do, they've saved the galaxy. because they decided to hope and love and do the right thing.

But the tragedy is that they're not going to make it. The fight is over. They're not going to survive this, but there is no fight left to take. They've done enough fighting, so for them to in the end face something so unavoidable is almost peaceful you know? The fact that they get to face the end together is beautiful, but that they have to die at all is so damn unfair. The comfort they share, the support, and god I think Diego Luna summed it up pretty well in the clip that "that hug represents everything that could have been but didn’t happen" ( x ). And so it is sad to mourn what they're losing, that they don't get to live in the galaxy they've saved. They don't get to see the end of the rebellion.

So in the end there's sadness between them as well, sadness and fear of the end, but they hold each other and find comfort in the other. Both emotional, but also as a reminder that they did win this together. Once again, the performances and the shots and everything is just beautiful. It is soft, intimate and the last closeups of their faces as they just hold the other will be stuck in my brain forever.

So in summary, I think the reason why it gets to me, that I'm feeling when typing this out, is that there is this blend of so many different emotions happening in this one sequence. This is also why I've been struggling with grasping it, because there's so much at the same time that captures different things from the human experience.

The vulnerability they dare to share with each other, the pride of winning, the fact that instead of doubt they embrace the hope of their rebellion! But then the sadness and sorrow of what could've been, fear of what to come, but also the comfort of having each other, having shared this experience and saved the galaxy. It is both that we feel what the characters are experiencing, but for the viewers that know they're faith isn't misplaces, that light will prevail, that someone is listening, that really just hits it home for me.

[xentaurvs]

heres to getting stronger in 2023

My Love,

I'm writing this because I don't know how to tell you and because I'm afraid of the reaction you will give me or of what you might think towards me.

This is 2.27 a.m., the 4th of January, 2023. You cross my mind, come to my dream; I can't sleep and feel emotional. As this is the first day of my period, this is a common yet drained feeling that I have always experienced in my whole life. At this moment, I started feeling deeply, and I feel you. I choose to embrace the Love and let it run through me. The tears come down, combined with the warmth. I take a deep breath and stop for a moment, realizing that I love you that deeply.

Happy New Year, my darling.

I want to say that I am so sorry that you met me. I am an emotionally stubborn psychopath with that bad temper and attitude that always cries and annoys you. I don't know why I have to feel and experience such a fluctuating emotion that significantly changes, and it just always gets worse when it comes to my period. I know I am an adult, and it is my full responsibility to manage my emotions, but sometimes I find it hard to address them adequately; yesterday, I was so angry, then I was sad, and now I just cannot stop crying. I am not going to use this woman's symptom as a reason for you to compromise my unpleasant behaviour. But I always put effort to get better and I want you to know that I have a whole lot of Love for you, and no matter what happens, I do love you.

I know you might have heavy things to carry on your shoulder, to think about quietly; you might be in a war you need to fight for. And I am afraid that my existence would just mess it up. I never meant to do bad things to you. But I can't resist saying that I am hard to understand. Yes, I blocked you that day. Not gonna lie; at that time, I was disappointed by your answer – related to our closest-best-friend marriage. But actually, I was triggered by the idea that 'if you don't want to communicate, then just don't. see you next year', and just a split second later, I was like, 'okay, I don't want to talk to you' and I distanced myself so I would not make the situation worse due to my uncontrolled emotions, and I blocked you. I was feeding my ego, which led me to ask myself, "what the fuck are you doing, idiot?' I started crying and missing you. Furthermore, I fully understand that you’ve got enough, and you might cant handle more.

I thought that no one would ever compromise my impulsive action. That I do not deserve every one. That no one would ever make it to have a partner like me. I am just like an exploded boom, and tbh I don't want people to understand that. Neither do you. But if I have to ask, I just want to be accompanied; throughout my journey, I promise to improve and work things out. Please appreciate the way I bloom. I have some coping mechanisms, but processing them takes time. I know you might feel exhausted, tired, or give up on me. I am so sorry... I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I hope you see the point that I'm willing to tell you about.

The reality is, none of us is easy to be with. Particularly, my own self with all of these chaotic things about me. Once again, I am so sorry for making you experience this uncomfortable and irritating situation over and over again. I am sorry you have to love me with all of this inconvenience.  I will make it out of this. I promise you I will. I am still getting used to it and finding our best harmony to grow together in the rhythm.  

Now it is 3.14 a.m., and I'm still crying; you know I'm bad at texting, sometimes I don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do. Writing it down is the best way. Please do not reply; I'm so afraid you might be angry or leave me because I always frustrate you. I am so sorry that I am making you feel that way. Please promise me that you will never forget this thing:

I love you,

and

No matter the situation, I never give up on you

I choose you, choose to walk the path of life together

But if life becomes too hard for you as my partner,

I have no right to make you stay

I will give you this letter this morning, and please do not give any reply or reaction; just please come here soon. I don't know, and I am not ready for the conversation you will bring to the table by text because I don't know what to say just please come here soon…

I miss you, my whole world.

As this is a new start of the year, I ask for an apology and wish the best for both of us.

Anyway, lets rock this fucking year!

tons of love and tears,

Larasati S

[khaleesiofalicante]

So this is going to be a barrage, sorry in advance!

1. So, I re-read the story cause it seems I can't get enough of the pain. And Jaden is giving me Armand from AMC's Interview with the Vampire vibes. Like taking advantage of an emotionally and mentally compromised person. Never leaving them alone to figure out you're fucking with their head. And its because you're actually just obsessed with their ex. Jaden is actually all about Max, the way Armand is actually all about Lestat. Which just makes Jaden scarier.

2. Since the book was entirely David's perspective and the show is more Max's, I'm assuming the audience reactions are going to come out on Max's side this time. If so can we see the #JAVID tag die in this universe? And or everyone falling in love with Max and becoming obsessed with seeing #MAVID back together.

3. I'm sad that Lance is going to have to fix his family. That's too much for a kid.

4. Does Jaden not want Arthur to watch the show because it shows Max in a sympathetic light?

5. Jaden seems super possessive of Arthur which i kind of get. But I'm wondering if David gave the ok for all those public social media posts. I thought they wanted to keep the kids out of the public eye?

6. I know everyone makes jokes about Jaden taking the method acting too far. But I can't understand how he just seems to have no empathy for Max? You play him on screen, you know the pain he went through. Now you have everything he so desperately cherishes. Why are you so obsessed with getting in the way of what's left of his relationship with his child? He comes across as kind of psychotic.

7. Is David in therapy? Since writing the show itself is a form of therapy for him, should we expect everything to implode for him with its end?

8. Did David actually buy a house with a pool for Max without realizing its for him?

9. David never answers if he loves Max, is it because he doesn't know? Or like he mentally can't even go there?

10. Is there a new Mavid fic coming in the future or can I dare hope for a sequel to this because I don't think any amount of closure will be enough unless we see them heal, be together again and Jaden get his comeuppance.

Oh but I love this. I think I can answer/respond to *some* of them. Let's see. Let's go!

I loved this comparison! I don't know a lot about Armand but i immediately got a bad vibe from him so now I'm concerned...

Most definitely. I mean we've already seen this. People recognize Max on the street all the time. Everyone tells him how much they love the show. There is a reason it's popular. It's because they lie to Max (or Michael rather). We'll have to wait to see the hashtags.

I think Lance can try. But Lance is also different from Rafael (if you've read TLND). He wants to help his family but he is also VERY good at setting boundaries. We'll see.

You got that right. I'm not sure it's a spoiler, but yes. Jaden knows if Arthur watches the show, he will like Max even more. So, he prevents it.

He doesn't post about them all the time. I don't think he got permission for that last post. We know he does shit like this all the time. Like how he spoke to arthur about acting even when david said no.

Astute observation. There are characters like Mallory who are very overtly messed up. But Jadens are more dangerous. Because we are friends with them....we date them. We don't know they are actually fucked up.

He was in therapy for a while after the 'accident'. He doesn't go to therapy in the present. Max does.

Maybe? It's definitely possible.

:)

I said this in the very beginning. IALS is not like TLND. It's not about closure or everyone finding their happy ending or finding ways to heal. I don't want it to finish it with a bow on top or anything. And I'm improvising this story, remember. I have no idea if yall will be satisfied with the ending or not. But one thing i will not do is make the ending perfect or 'realistic' or whatever. It's gonna end how it's gonna end hehe. But yes of course we will see Mavid again if i get inspiration for another fic.

[maifrenthebesto]

You can't compromise your demure by admitting to your behavior, and I understand that you have a new life, with new priorities, and the the remnants of the shackles you chained yourself up with are heavy. And while you've been able to fly short distances through great efforts, you are still avoiding some of the key points that can break the necessary links to unbind you.

I recently had this conversation with someone about the effects of negative experiences and the ramifications unattended trauma can have in the relationship, regardless of associations and formalities, if the perpetrator remains uncaring, unaffected, and unbothered by their behavior, there is little to be done for anyone, and as the victim, the best move is to move on rather than to sit idily by waiting for them to grow into the emotional maturity stage that they need to be at for them to realize the burden they put on themselves, which is the only internal factor that could determine whether the actor in this scenario will seek out forgiveness from the affected party.

External motivators are null unless they resonate within the individual making the decision internally based, rather than a reluctant apology under duress.

I have been "hearing" you again in my head around the time when I'm waking up, it's hard to recollect full-on sentences, but the core of the stimulus is simple enough to disect. You want to apologize but you don't know how.

So you run away the closer you get to the place where your apologies will ne felt. But this running away motion is part of your pattern of behavior, you emotionally neglect yourself because you think that your emotions are second to everyone else's, and that your own healing will somehow be a net negative, so you're okay with "thugging out" your own emotional turmoil.

But then you turn around and you see that nothing has changed, and that you're still where you were when you decided to do it for yourself this time.

And when I open myself up to hearing what you have to say, you leave again with as little of an explanation as possible, so that I don't break down your behavior and reducing the risk of you being passively psychoanalyzed. But that is giving me way too little credit after you were as close to me as you remember being.

You figured our a way to feed your own internal needs with placebo so that you could function a little bit better through the everyday, as long as you don't feel bad about your bad actions anymore then it doesn't matter whether you were heard or felt, because you convinced yourself you were good.

But here we are still, with me hearing you crying out of frustration with your own emotional blockers because they aren't helping you get over your problems, they are helping you circumvent the negative effects of having that ailment buried deep within you so you can produce labor.

And each pill buries the problem deeper, so deep a therapist might not be able to spot it for you (especially if you're not being completely honest with them).

And if no one can see the problem within, no one will be able to help you, and one day, you won't have control over how it happens anymore, and we gonna end up like this.

I hope that day you will be able to rest like you used to.

But I hope even more that you lock in before that day arrives.

[suchsaccharine]

I feel I am in a stalemate. He has shown me and told me that he's not going to try to improve himself or his relationships with me and ___ by seeing a therapist just once even, of course not ..bc there nothing wrong with him. He told me straight up, this is what I'm offering you, nothing more, if you don't like it then figure it out and leave.

Today is the 3 yr anniversary of finding out i can't have kids (naturally, realistically.) and I'm getting my period tmrw and I am struggling so bad with $ so bad my bank account is about to overdraft and I have nothing coming in to look forward to rn. Anyway today I cried and my body hurt and I developed tensions headache that turned into a migraine and I never had one before. It was so bad. And my back is fucked and I'm crying all emotional about everything. My grandma, ___’s baby pics that are lost from my drives suddenly -don't ask I can't talk about it but idk what or how it happened. I saw them not long ago and now everything from exactly Feb 'xx-May 'xx is GONE. I'm devastated to say the v least-, my baby I won't have, having to plan Christmas rn around how sad everyone is about my grandma...like they are allll fucked up in Ohio. I have to go see them. Bf is taking me and ___ for Xmas for 3 days. I told bf this evening .... (hang on I'm gonna c&p a twt I posted to I don't retype.. here..) I said "I am proud of myself for getting thru the past 2.5+ months bc it was grueling work everyday just staying alive… it was so heavy I just started blocking things out entirely the week before finals. But I made it. And I didn’t feel like I would/could.. (2/2) I told my bf exactly what I just posted and his response was to put his face into the back of the couch and start falling asleep until I made the bed for him to lay on w a pillow over his head. Nice. I am completely dumbfounded. I feel like I am an idiot… I am so publicly dumb."

He said that I said a lot and he didn't know what to say and I said that's fine and then he hasn't spoken to me since except to answer "no" when I ask if I said something wrong out there.

I just need more emotional support than he can even detect. How did I end up so entwined with someone so emotionally undeveloped? How did I not see? He tried to control me and I put my foot down and then he tried turning on ___ and I again put my foot down and told him that this isn't working and I will do what's best for ___. He told me that he's not changing his parenting or anything at all so if I don't like him then I need to decide on that. I do like him I just don't like certain things. Some that you can change, like parenting style. Others not as easily, like learning to feel compassion and how to hold space & grace in good faith. How to be there when someone is sad. How to silently be there but not ignore them. I think that I love him but I also think that I will always find myself unfulfilled and resentful that he cannot or will not be there for me emotionally. He no longer has the role of step parent. It probably seems mostly the same to ___ but bf doesn't make any decisions at all. I told him we need to agree or compromise and if no compromise can be had, then we default to what I want. He said no it's all you now. If it's all me then...we're putting on a show for ___. We aren't cohesive. He said he stands by his methods and is unwilling to change that or compromise, so he is like ..resigning? I need some real money and fast. I need a house for ___ and my cats and where I can get ___ a dog. I need a job that pays enough while I also finish school... I probably realistically need to go to the gym for real and stop eating carbs and processed food and get back into sex work. I can't dance cause of my back but I know how to make more money anyway. I can do it. I can do this. I can leave someone I love because they don't have the tools to be there for me in ways I need it most.

I don't need anyone else. I can make my own money. I can pay my own bills and fix my own teeth and maintain my own car.. I can.

[alexredgrave]

Making a separate post for cyberpunk specifically. The only ending that is even close to a bad ending is the devil ending with V signing the contract.

All the other endings convey meaningful messages and are emotionally satisfactory. V (allegedly or not) dying and/or a LI breaking up with them doesn't make them bad endings!

I'm gonna pick the endings apart a little bit to explain what I'm saying.

In the suicide ending, V picks what they call "the cleanest option". They know if they try anything else, other people will die or get hurt so they decide to break that cycle of violence. And yes, they could have let the relic do their course and leave the body to Johnny, but that means going through an excruciating process of their very self being slowly erased and replaced. It's a terrible death and Johnny isn't willing to inflict it on V more than V is willing to inflict it on themselves. V is terminal and they make the decision of dying the way they prefer, while being still present and still themselves. It's not a bad thing.

In the devil ending, when V refuses to sign the contract and decides to return to earth, they clearly tell Takemura/Helmann that they freedom is priceless. Of course, they mean the freedom of dying the way they prefer, but also of living the time they have left free of compromise and, hopefully, surrounded by their loved ones.

Freedom is also central in the star ending, too but there's also hope. As V leaves NC and their old life behind, they set out to find a cure. It's the ending that more of any other is filled with optimism for the future, no matter if the time V has left is long or short, it will be bright, and that's what matters.

The sun ending is mostly satisfactory for a V that longs for success, as materialistic as it can be. But again, we find a bit of hope for the future in the way to save themselves that Mr. Blue Eyes hints at. It's small but it's enough for V to keep fighting with all they got. And relentlessly fighting for life is just as valid as accepting death. What matters is being able to make that call.

Finally we have temperance, where V makes the ultimate sacrifice in order to give Johnny a second chance and this ending is, in my opinion, the more positive of them all because we can see that V's sacrifice was not in vain. Johnny is alive but, most importantly, he is free and healing, he is *fine*. He's no longer tormented, no longer burning with righteous anger. He's starting anew and carrying all that V has taught him with him, living by what V has taught him, too.

I understand V is a compelling protagonist, that a lot of players are attached to their V(s) or project themselves on them but all the aforementioned are good endings. They are meaningful, emotional and thematically fitting and the plot of the game itself wouldn't be significantly improved by V surviving.

[lnsfawwi]

control freak? control freak.

it's apparent that Aaron is a total control freak. but I'm bored so I'll beat this dead horse with evidences.

1. Himself

his emotions

I don't think many people have talked about it, which is when Aaron gets emotional, his first reaction is to hide.

let's breakdown just one episode - Ashes and Dust. everything happened in that episode hit him hard.

From their dialogue we can deduce that gideon and Aaron take turns interviewing burned victims, but Aaron volunteered without explanation. after the team exited the conference room the camera panned to him looking at the pic of the mother cradling her baby. To people unaware he might just be altruistic, in reality he was just reminded of his own family, and he wasn't gonna let others see that.

In the hospital he was heartbroken to see the victim, Emily just joined the team then so Aaron, being the posterboy for altruism, sent her away to spare her of the emotional pain. Moreover, he was creating a safe space for himself. It's just him and a barely conscious dying woman, he could let himself be vulnerable.

after finding out that's truly going on with abbey, Aaron for the first time opened up about his childhood&his relationship with his father, to both abbey and his son. he again did it while no one else was around to hear, no one else would ever know, to a couple of strangers, who he knew wouldn't cross path again.

He glossed over his relationship with his father, he didn't mention whether they got along, whether they cared for each other, and he talked to abbey's son in a way as if his father was a noble man like abbey, which clearly was a lie, he probably was just trying to help the father&son reconcile, the boy needed to know his father was a good man. If anyone knows how important a positive parental figure is to a kid, it's Aaron.

Then here's the famous broke down moment. He was barely controlling himself at that point. As I pointed out in a previous post, he became much more repressed after s3, so at this point he was actually quite emotional and relatively open about it, to the point even the police officer could tell he was emotionally compromised.

so what did he do when he had a emotional breakdown? he stormed out the room and hid in a storage room.

only Gideon approached him, similar to when Dave approached him after Foyet killed a bus full of people and he went and hid in an ally. Gideon and Dave probably are the only ones allowed to see him break. (and Gideon only ever admitted his issues to Aaron)

But even as he could barely hold the tears back he didn't indulge in his emotions, he drew a parallel between him and Abbey and deduced abbey's next move. master level deflection, doctorate level self control.

internal/external judgement

He relies on both internal (subjective) and external (objective) facts to support his judgements/assessment, He needs absolutely control over them in order to make sure his reaction/decision making are correct, not letting brain chemistry (or any other chemistry, as we see in Mr.Scratch) take over.

just because he's reluctant to show doesn't mean he's less emotional than others. Pete Buttigieg said it's precisely because he felt so strongly that he learned to govern them at a young age. I think Aaron's the same. he's a leader, it's required of him to be calm, and his job is literally life or death, he can't let personal feelings get effect him, plus his unfortunate childhood, he believes that he has to do everything absolutely right. so after decades of training, rational thinking became a part of him.

everyone, even Gideon was in shambles when Reid was taken in the Revelation. All of them assumed Reid chose Aaron bc he somehow meant it and Aaron stormed out the room in anger. But no. Aaron wasn't angry, he was excited, bc he understood Reid's message.

maybe his control is part of the reason why Reid chose him. he trusted Aaron to be rational, to be able to think under tremendous emotional turbulence.

I find it rather terrifying even with everything spiraling in '100', he remained the most collected and was always one step ahead of the whole team. he knew theoretically what to say and not to say to Foyet, he managed to hide Jack, when he entered the house he knew exactly where the flashlight was, he searched each room with tactical precision, and was able to spot foyet despite the sudden shock and grief of just seeing haley's dead body.

similar situation in Mr. Scratch. not only did he broke the drug's influence, he also profiled him accurately while under. that's fucking inhuman.

sure he'd lost his cool a few times, but not nearly as much as others. his mind is practically a fortress. (can someone be 'too' calm?)

2. his immediate environment

obviously he's the boss man, he has to have total control over the situation, but it's more than that, he wants to be able to predict, if not control, everyone who works for/with him.

as we see in the case of Emily, he couldn't stand being blindsided. And being the new member, she accidentally pushed a button she didn't know exited - she questioned his authority in public. Aaron didn't need more reasons to dislike her. so despite her doing a good job, the slightest form of insubordination was intolerable.

It was totally unfair but it speaks volume of his control issues. Emily wasn't vetted by him or Gideon, worse, she might be a plant by Strauss to sabotage him and the team. Aaron had every reason to doubt her, his distrust was not entirely unfounded. at least that's what he believed.

in Profiler Profiled Aaron was livid when he found out Morgan was hiding information from him. Morgan didn't have to tell him about his records, but Aaron thought otherwise.

this's his team, he believed he oughtta know every bit of the team's life in order to better protect them.

Morgan needs to thank Gideon for pointing out Aaron's hypocrisy lmao

in the Piano Man he asked the team to stay longer when they usually take off as soon as the police close the case, bc they “need to help the DA build an airtight case.” I'm assuming he would've been offended if other ppl barge into his office and imply he couldn't do his job lmao

He talked about trust among the team with Emily, how that's the only way a team could function. but truth to be told, he isn't a particularly trusting person. he needs to thoroughly observe and asses and test a person, and it takes him longer time than it does other people.

3.Everything

“I wanted to stop them before [the murder cases] hit my desk.” Aaron Hotchner season 1 episode 13

“I think your biggest fear is that you can't save everyone...It's worse than I thought.” Dr. Goodman, season 3 episode 3

aside from his hero complex and altruistic tendency, what these two lines conveyed was a man desperately trying to control the whole fucking world. To change it, to make a difference.

if someone completely unknown to you says they want to get ahead of killers and catch them before they kill (more) people, you'd probably think they're 1) very noble 2) unrealistic&idealistic 3) hatching up a mass surveillance program.

not everyone believes in psychology, not to mention behavior analysis. He left the prosecutor's office, a promising career, for it bc he felt powerless. he might think, “people are abducted, raped and killed while I'm sitting in a nice office reading a case file 6 months old. this's not acceptable.”

the lack of control and inability to act drove him to the BSU.

he and Morgan got into the justice system (partly) bc of their life experience. Morgan doesn't want to save “everyone” since he believes there're people who deserve a needle to their arm.

Aaron on the other hand, really wanted to save everyone. interestingly, the doctor didn't expect that, he detected Aaron's intention to actually save him instead of letting him die, that's why he added “it's worse than I thought.”

[wastefulautist]

Dumbest TFATWS contradictions

"Steve would never use a gun" *Storms Hydra base literally guns blazing* "But they were Nazis" >And the Flagsmashers are terrorists, next. "Steve would never kill" *Tosses henchmen off Helicarrier* *Kicks dudes out of windows* *Throws grenades at henchmen* >You'd have to be willfully dumb to think a Supersoldier throwing a Vibranium shield at people's heads is not fatal >Kills way more guys in the first Avengers, but blood only now gets on the shield somehow >Hey, maybe Cap should have, as Sam put it, "tried listening to them..." "But he surrendered" *Throws water fountain at John* >Therefore, still an active combatant. *Didn't actually surrender, but instead diverted blame* >Which makes it a heat of the moment situation, rather than a cold blooded murder situation like antis are making it out to be. >All the bad guys Sam and Bucky killed, you've never ONCE seen them fear for their lives until it was John's turn to fight back. More manipulative bullshit. >Of course, it wasn't the right decision to do it in public, but to act as if it's completely irrational makes no sense. He's a soldier, wtf do you think John and Lemar were doing in Afghanistan? Or Steve Rogers in Germany? >It isn't bad that Steve killed bad guys, but with John, it's a problem because the ominous music, the leering, villainous camera angles, blood on the coveted shield, the shocked civilians (and Karli), made it so. "He was unarmed" >He was a Supersoldier- he IS a weapon >Also, how do you go from being a Supersoldier to being helpless? They're just like John, it's not like he unlocked some new level of power after Lemar died, they didn't even really have a reason to stop fighting, other than the show setting John up. Even MORE manipulative bullshit. >Zemo kills an unarmed guy, Sam and Bucky are like, "Don't do it again, bestie", but John, they're like "This isn't you, give up the shield. No one else has to die." "I'm a Black man carrying the stars and stripes. What don't I understand? Every time I pick this thing up, I know there are millions of people out there who are gonna hate me for it." *Iron Patriot: Ceases to exist apparently* Also, missed opportunity to make Bucky the voice of reason for John after losing his best friend and partner, seeing as Bucky and Steve could have been the perfect parallel for John and Lemar. But no, tag team the shit out of an emotionally compromised man while the show acts like it was the right thing to do. In Civil War, Zemo cautioned against putting Steve Rogers on a pedestal, he can kill or have his actions result in the deaths of any number of people but as long as his intent was good, he can do no wrong, because he's a hero. Sound familiar, antis? Not saying that killing bad guys is wrong, Steve and John are soldiers, a soldier kills, but what's important is that they kill the right people. Antis conveniently omit that understanding when it comes to John though... Think for yourselves, you're ignoring reasonable sequencing of events because you're too sprung on the Steve, Sam and Bucky crew to see the show is using cheap tactics to cover up sub par writing and avoidable contradictions. You'd have to be willfully obtuse to ignore that there are more good things to say about Walker than Sam or Bucky. Antis, tell me you can't comprehend characters with depth without telling me you can't comprehend characters with depth.

credit to https://zemoscurl.tumblr.com/ for the amazing tik tok

[ygreczed-3]

The Red Guard and the Snow Angel

Hank and Connor’s kiss

Hank and Connor fighting

Hank and Connor having good time with Sumo

Connor’s “I’m not going anywhere”

Gavin and Nines : interface

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

They eventually find something in one of the books : Kamski is known to live in a castle, with 7 beautiful angels to serve him. No one knows how to get to Kamski's castle, since the pike is guarded by the darkness war spirit (actually Kamski being the powerful magician he is, sealed the war spirit to the castle, condemning it to the protection of the whole rock he lives on).

On their first attempt getting to the castle, Hank gets injured, and they're forced to retreat to Nestlepeek

Connor stays near Hank as he recovers, and can't help but touch him with noticeable loving attention. Nines sees him but just decides to say nothing, knowing he's too emotionally compromised with Gavin to give his brother a lesson. Gavin is totally oblivious to that, he's just very bad at hiding his concern for Hank (yes ! he is low-key worried for his human comrade).

X

Nines somehow gets to talk calmly with Nines, for the first time since the street fight.

Nines : I just don't understand. You've always been so ambitious, always training to be more powerful, why don't you use this aspiration to channel the power source and thus use it? It doesn't make sense. Gavin : It's… It's just too fucking much to process okay ? This war spirit is in me, I can feel its thirst for blood and violence all day long, and I know I can't control him because I…

Gavin just stops before he can say he's too confused with his own priorities now to have a defined goal he can use to canalize the spirit's energy. He used to know what he wanted to do with his power, but now, he feels a latent part of him wants to use it to protect his partners, Hank, and the two snowy idiots. He's still not ready to admit it outloud and thus, the spirit having no specific goal to unleash its violence, is in fact uncontrollable. 

Nines, who is a bit more honest with himself than our favorite rat, already knows he cares for Gavin more than he should in regard to his given mission, and just feels so useless when Gavin refuses to talk to him. At this point Nines only wants to help him. He looks quietly at Gavin's nape, where the seal of the war spirit is still noticeable and forms a delicate golden scar. The Golem feels a little contradictory about this scar, one part of him being satisfied and proud of the mark he was able to let on Gavin's body, and the other part of him feeling guilty for it.

Nines : I'm sorry for this. You didn't ask for it and now you have to deal with… a war spirit and unwanted killing desires. I sometimes forget you're only human, it's not in your nature to use magic. Gavin : … It's okay. Let's just… stop talking about the spirit, deal ?

Nines remains carefully silent when Gavin offers his hand in a casual manly shake. He knows humans culturally use handshakes to settle an arrangement, and decides to ignore the deep and intimate meaning of this specific gesture in his own culture. Their hands meet, as Nines' skin unwittingly turns white at the contact, but the golem doesn't pay much attention since a human can't interface anyway. Gavin's smug expression shows he's  about to say something but his grin fades away as Nines realizes their mistake : in a flash, he can feel Gavin's doubts about his unsaid desire to protect Nines despite his hatred for golems. Nines isn't sure what passed through the contact and doesn't have a clue on what impression Gavin had about his inner thoughts, or if he even felt or saw something. The human is the first to break the contact. He looks shocked, as he meets Nines' eyes and for a moment, none of them can speak. 

Gavin : The hell was that ?!

Nines is confused too : … I didn't know it would… interfaces only happen between magic creatures… Maybe… the spirit allows you to connect with me.

Gavin : What the… You read my thoughts ? Nines : It's not… mind reading. I caught a diffuse… "impression".  Gavin : … Shit.

Gavin looks suddenly so betrayed. He looks down and sideways, taking a few steps away, hands on his neck as if he was trying to hide his head between his arms. When Nines tries to get closer, he almost jumps away.

Gavin : Don't- Fuck it, don't… touch me. Nines : I'm sorry, I didn't mean to probe you. Gavin : What exactly did you… hear or whatever? Nines : … I think… I have an answer for why you can't use the spirit's violent spree. Gavin : Fuck you, that was private ! Did you search for it you fucking asshole ? Nines : Like I said, I didn't mean to interface with you ! You too must have seen something from me so stop being a child. Gavin : I didn't-

Nines waits patiently for the end of the sentence but it never comes, as some realization seems to dawn on the human warrior.

Gavin : That nice fluttering in the stomach, when we held hands, actually it was you ?

And for once, Nines is the one to remain silent, his face even but internally too embarrassed to answer the question. No wonder this sensation passed through the connection. For the few seconds their hands touched, Nines was, in a Golem way, experiencing a gesture akin to a kiss, of course he was kind of "emotionally impacted".

Nines : … As I said… let's not embarrass ourselves any further.

And at that exact moment, Gavin realizes that Nines likes him… more than a partner, more than a friend.

X

In their room, Connor is holding Hank's hand. 

Hank : So, what should we do ? Connor : I didn't think about it yet. I wanted to be here when you wake up. Hank : ...I still have three days of bed rest at the very least… Are you sure you want to lose all this time when we're so close to the goal ? I mean, we already went through the desert, you don't need me anymore. Connor : Of course I need you, Hank. Hank : Ahaha… It's nice to go easy on me like this but you don't have to- Connor : You have to trust me, when I say I need you. It's not because I think you can help me go faster or even because I think you can help me cross a specific territory. I just… need you because you mean something to me.

Hank stays quiet but tightens his hand around Connor's, looking down right at them, his large, calloused fingers embracing the golem's white and slender ones. A long and deep look into Connor's golden brown eyes tells him there is more into this already meaningful gesture than he might think.

Connor breaks the eye-contact, and Hank realizes how intense the moment was : Connor's eyes inexplicably make him feel comfortable, as if he was floating in a warm air bubble, and he instantly misses the feeling when Connor stops mirroring his gaze to look down at their hands.

Connor : You know… There is this ultimate quest upon us, something we have to achieve to save our people… And this goal governed us like it was the only thing that mattered… Maybe I'm being a selfish brat, but Hank you're so important to me, I don't want you to be injured or killed in all this. Hank : You're important to me too, Connor.  (And then Hank laughs, giving in to his stupid and unwanted feelings.) Actually, you probably couldn't even understand how much you mean to me.

When Connor meets his gaze with a puzzled expression on his face, Hank decides he has to tell him. If anything, Connor could still change his mind and keep going without him, and then Hank will be able to finally move on. He's too fucking old to pine for a pretty boy, and if it's gotta be painful then he wants it the sooner the better.

Hank : I… recently started to develop… indecent feelings… Connor, purposely obtuse: "Indecent" ? Hank : I mean... in a… hum… romantic way. Come on kid, don't make me say it. Connor : Why would "romantic" be "indecent" ? Hank : Dunno, I'm old and pathetic, you're young and cute, sounds indecent to me. Connor : Hank… I love you too. Hank : ...You, huh... Sorry what ? Connor : I mean every single word in this sentence, Hank, I really do. Hank : … Oh. 

Connor chuckles at Hank's blank expression, as his poor brain processes the information with unprecedented difficulty. And as Hank starts moving again, his brows frowning and his mouth forming an "o" like he was gonna say "why ?!", Connor just leans towards him and brushes his beard with his lips before meeting his mouth, softly.

And god, they love it. Hank leans forward to deepen the kiss, Connor catches his beard, his fingers following the edges of his chiseled jaw until they reach his neck and nestle around it.

And it's a weird sensation to Hank because he used to know what was hot passion and what was tenderness, and at this very moment, he could feel both in Connor's grip, burning fire and smooth touches at the same time. That's it, love, love everywhere.

They separate because the older man needs to breathe and hopefully, Connor remembered it because Hank was just gonna kiss him until he falls unconscious. 

Hank : Am I dead ? Connor : You're thankfully alive and safe, but you need rest. Stay calm. Hank : I can't  believe it… i'm… almost scared of falling asleep and realize you're gone when I wake up. Connor smiles smugly at this : he takes Hank's hand in his own, kisses the palm softly, his deep dark eyes locked on Hank's.  Connor : Sleep tight. I'm not going anywhere.

X

So, as soon as Hank can walk again, the party goes back to Kamski's peek.

Hank : I feel better but I admit that I don't think I'm able to fight anything right now. Maybe we can find another way ? Gavin : Humans and Golems can't beat a war spirit. But, huh… a war spirit could do. Nines : … Is that you you're talking about? Gavin : 'Know another war spirit around here ? Nines : But you… you can't control it… I mean, you're obviously facing a dilemma with your own motivations right now. I don't think you should endanger yourself in this state… Hank : What dilemma ? Gavin : Not your business. It's fine, I just need… I just need to meditate a little bit more. Connor : We don't need much more than a distraction just a moment until we reach the castle. There we'll activate the seal and it should stunt the spirit for some time. Nines : I'm not letting him go alone. Gavin : Still don't trust me, snow man ? Nines : I'm concerned for your well being. I wanna help. Hank : Well then we can do that. Nines and Gavin take care of the spirit and Connor, we get to the castle as fast as we can. You're good ? Connor : … Yeah, that sounds good. I just need to talk with Nines. In private.

Hank and Gavin just look at each other, surprised, but then they leave the brothers for their serious talk.

X

Connor : What was that ? "I'm concerned for you well being" ? Gavin is right, only a war spirit can compete with a war spirit… even if we wanted to, we couldn't help. Nines : Gavin can't control his spirit. I saw it when we interfaced, he truly can't, no matter how much he meditates, as long as he will have this dilemma, he can't make it. Connor : Wait what ?! Interfaced ? How ? Nines : Guess the spirit makes him sensible to magic connections. Connor : What's the deal ? Why can't he control it yet ? He's strong enough, and for what I know, ambitious enough, so it's only a matter of… Nines : He's confused. He grew fond of us, and he knows we're basically enemies. We're all being reckless, he's the only one to keep this truth in mind; if we can't reach Kamski, or if he refuses to help us, we'll have to go back to the war we left, go back to kill each other. He can't resign himself to accept his attachment to us if we're going to be his enemies again. Connor : … Do you think he can make it ? Against the darkness war spirit ? Nines : I don't. That's why he needs me there. If the thunder spirit takes control of his body, I'll be there to hit the seal in his neck. Connor : Oh Nines… You love him, don't  you? Nines : … We're selfish and weak, Con. This mission… our whole kind is waiting for us to succeed. And we're threatening this long awaited deliverance because we fell for humans…  Connor : ...That's why we can't fail. I understand you're worried but maybe… Maybe that's the reason why Gavin wants to try : he knows we can't fail now.

X

In the final act, Gavin and Nines get ready to fight with the war spirit, while Hank and Connor plan on reaching the castle as fast as they can, and find Kamski.

Gavin and Nines are hiding near the war spirit.

Nines : … Are you ready ? Gavin : I don't really have a choice there.

Gavin breathes deeply and steadily, to focus and calm down before entering the arena.

Nines : I'll be flying right behind you, okay ? It's factually stronger than me, so I have to maintain minimal distance with it, but I'll be ready to hit your seal when you need  me to, and help you run away if you're in a bad state.  Gavin scoffs : Thanks Snowman, I feel so confident right now, with you believing in me like this. Nines : … Sorry I just… worry. Gavin : Look, I was right, at that time, I couldn't do it and I was totally right. But today I… I'll do it. And I want to prove it to you. 

In front of Nines' incredulous stare, Gavin offers his hand : Nines narrows his eyes as he detects static electricity all around his fingers, as if his spirit was already eager to fight.

Nines : … Do you know what it means to us, Golems ? Interfacing with someone ? Gavin : Enlighten me, snow man. Nines : ...I'll tell you if we survive this fight. Gavin : Huh… fair enough. Now, take my hand, I'll show you.

Nines gulps nervously and reaches for Gavin's hand, his own fingers turning white as he gets closer to the human's warm skin.

And he can feel everything. It's a lot less blurry and chaotic than the first time, as somehow Nines' first sensation is Gavin's serenity about sharing his deep feelings. He catches a volatile thought that flies through the human mind, saying in a flippant tone "we might die, no need to get embarrassed", and smiles at it. Interfacing with Gavin is very special for some reason : Nines had interfaced with other Golems before but it was never so vibrant, so intense. "Maybe that's because we're about to die" he feels, and for a moment he wonders if that comes from him or from Gavin. Nines feels like Gavin is an extension of himself at that very moment. Suddenly, the realization he's gonna fight against a gigantic, ancient war spirit dawns on him. He feels scared, sure but somehow, confident as well. He can do it. He will do it now, because if he fails, he'd give up on his people in Detroit, his friends Hank and (surprisingly) Connor. He would give up on Nines and he's not ready to. He used to fear that he was making friends with an enemy… That they'd have to separate at some point, and go back to where they belonged, Detroit and Jericho. But if Gavin fails now, Detroit and Jericho are doomed. He used to fear that death was preying upon him… now he fears that his team could die. That Nines could…

If he fails now, Nines and he will be dead, and that is much more scary than befriending a Golem.

Nines frowns as he feels Gavin's hand twitching in his, as if he was about to draw it back. He wants to stay connected, he wants to melt into Gavin's mind, because he feels so scared right now.

All he can catch is a glimpse of something that sounds like "I have found some higher purpose in life than my own existence", before Gavin breaks the contact.

When Nines opens his eyes again, they're wet and his breath is short. Gavin too, seems a bit shaken up by the interface.

Nines wonders what exactly the human saw/felt/heard from him and feels very self conscious for a floating second. He wants to kiss the human, he can feel it in his vein, the fire of love rushing, burning his cold body. Gavin must have felt it through the interface… and somehow, Nines wonders if he knows. He doesn't seem shocked or… disgusted. 

Gavin : You okay ? Nines : Yeah… I'm ready to go.

Gavin exhales sharply : Alright, let's do this.

Nines : I've got your back. Everything will be alright.

So they get out of their hiding spot and as Nines takes off, Gavin summons the thunder spirit.

X

We then follow Hank and Connor, who are climbing up the rocky column at the top of which Kamski established his castle. Actually, Hank climbs it and Connor flies around to help him find the safe grips. 

They're constantly attacked by monsters with long members (parts of the war spirit), and can't fight them all back. They decide to run forward, and they finally reach a huge grid in a tunnel : Connor can pass between two bars, but Hank can't. Behind them, the monsters are getting closer.

Hank : Run before they catch us up ! Connor : Wait, there must be a way for you- Hank : I'm sure there must be, Connor, but we won't find the solution in the next few minutes we have. You have to keep going without me. Connor : What are you gonna do ? They're gonna outnumber you, and… and you're still healing from the last injury--- Hank : You have to find Kamski ! He must know how to stop those monsters, and the war spirit out there. He can help us ! Connor : … Yeah, right.

Connor puts his hands on the floor and ice columns grow up from the ground, keeping Hank in a safe space. When the man looks back at Connor with tenderness and gratitude, Connor kisses him through the bars.

Connor : The ice won't last long but it can buy you some time… Hank I… I love you. Don't let me down. Hank : I swear. Now, run, and don't look back.

Connor nods and starts running to the castle, as the monsters start to attack ferociously the ice cage Connor created. Hank knows it's not gonna last much longer, and that he'll have to fight. He prays to be able to see Connor again.

[lilly-onthevalley]

I had a silly incident the other day and it's really bothering me. I've decided I'm going to full on relax my hair because I'm not going through that again...

Anyways, mini life update. I met a guy with the most wonderful voice, I can barely understand a thing he says because of his American New Hampshire accent but that's not the point. I'm a bit tired so I'm going to hold off a date with him for the next 2 weeks. I am currently focusing on my friends and myself.

Screw beginning new year's resolutions on New Year's Eve, I'm planning now.

I had a lot of growing and exposure this year and next year is gonna be worse. I'm relaxing my hair, dying it a striking blue black, working on my speech (I can't afford to be unclear and uncalculated anymore), losing a few extra pounds and emotionally prepping myself.

(This is the colour, but with shorter nails)

I can't wait for another new start!

I purchased a new pack of plastic rollers. Magnetic rollers have proved to be a struggle for me so I'm going back to the rollers with the little spikes. I can actually sleep in them and I wake up with the most beautiful and voluminous subtle curls.

My favourite way to do my nails these past few weeks has been a shimmery white or a nude dark pinkish brown. I'm taking a break from french tips. Dark nude nails have a special place in my heart, they've been with me since Grade school, I was always that girl with the perfect harmonious pinkish brown glossy nails.

I'm extremely tempted to get the Princess Diana cut, I'm going a bit crazy with layers and feathering honestly.

I'm absolutely bored and tired of the modern world. I went through a moment where I truly assessed myself realistically and took down what I need to change in order to see change in my life. Thankfully my great blunder 2 days ago finally pushed me to relax my hair and give up on highlights and embrace the slick and classic allure of jet black hair on brown skin.

I'm the type of woman who looks very awkward with modern day trends. This year I compromised greatly for social reasons. I really did adopt the UK slang, I went to the parties, I really did get the ugly little chocolate highlights and the wolf cut but thankfully I'm in a better situation now. I can fully embrace being calm and rest while watching my favourite movies from the 80s and 60s while wearing my goofy clothes.

I can't help but keep on finding it difficult to adjust to a Western modern life. I honestly don't think I can but I can switch up when I need to. I will always be who I am on the inside and that won't and can't change.

I've recently acquired a mini obsession with Marie Antoinette, so there's something I have been entertaining myself with together with practicing calligraphy and cursive, as well as baking more challah for the community.

Mia Goth has really helped me get over my lack of dark eyebrows, I loved her look in Pearl and X, the whole ensemble felt like I was seeing myself represented, even if it was by a murderous delusional character.

[mittensmorgul]

Incoming sad rant about the spn ending. Don't read if you're not interested in reading something like that, but I literally don't know anyone in real life I can talk about this with, and I really need an outlet:

Sometimes I can put the way SPN ended out of my head and think "it's just a stupid show. I don't have to accept the finale, and the writers/network are wrong." But other times I just get gripped with really intense sadness at the disrespect that was done to my favorite characters. To the point where I'll sit still for hours a day, just wallowing in it. It ruins my whole day and mood. And then I think to myself "I'll just find some other stories that end better!" but then I get sad again, cuz I don't think I will ever love other characters as much as I love Dean and Cas, and then I spiral again thinking about all the potential this unique beautiful love story had, and how we're never going to get the closure we deserve.

I really hate that after all this time, I'm a grown ass adult getting sad over fictional characters. I know it's not that trivial, but I sometimes wish it was so I could get over it 😞

Hi hi, and first of all *socially distanced internet hugs* I’m sorry you don’t have an outlet, but you’re always welcome to chat with me (if you come off anon we can talk privately if you want. My DM’s are always open, even when it takes me a bit to reply. no one should have to feel alone in this.)

I’m actually gonna start at the bottom of your message and work my way up, because I also, as a grown-ass adult, get sad over fictional characters. And I need to emphasize that this is the *point* of fiction. A well-written and developed fictional character is *indistinguishable in our minds from an actual real human being.* The way we react to them *feels exactly the same to our brains and bodies* as how we react to real people, and that’s a testament to just how well developed Dean and Cas were in canon.

I am not a young person. I have engaged with a lot of media over my life, and have *never* felt this strongly about fictional characters before, so I understand what you mean when you struggle to think about finding another story that ended better, or struggle to think about finding other characters you might become this attached to or experience this sort of emotional investment in. And I think there is another factor you didn’t consider there: The vast majority of other media I have engaged with, I was able to relate to on a level of “oh that’s nice for them” or “wow that sucks for them.” I have never, and possibly never will again, feel so utterly invested in fictional characters, to the point where it affects my real life as much as Supernatural has. Period.

I will likely never experience *literal physical lovesickness* over two fictional characters ever again. I hadn’t ever experienced it *in my own real life* before, and yet 15.18 triggered all those symptoms in me. As an aromantic person, this was pretty shocking to me. It also says a lot about just how real these characters feel to us, and how important they have become to us. They make us feel this! This is not an accident. It’s *incredibly difficult* to create fictional characters with this range and depth of emotional connection, and yet here we are.

I think that’s the biggest evidence possibly to present in defense of the statement that THIS IS NOT JUST SOME STUPID SHOW.

Other evidence: this fandom, still going strong after 15 years. Look at every SPN convention for proof. Look at AO3, where there are more posted stories about Dean and Cas than literally any other pairing on the planet (by a not-small margin, too). If that isn’t enough evidence, we have fanart to look at as well. Look through @theroadsofararchive where at the time of this posting there are over 40,000 artworks catalogued, and more being added all the time. Same with @canonspngifs where you can search through through nearly 75,000 gifsets organized by an excellent tagging system and made by dedicated fans out of love for the thing. This is all proof that you are not alone, that so many of us care just as deeply about them as you do. Not even mentioning the people who have written hundreds of millions of words of meta, articles, and even masters theses and doctoral dissertations on Supernatural and the fandom. This is a unique thing, even within the larger fandom culture. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your feelings for it are stupid or irrelevant or wrong.

But also don’t let anyone try to convince you that you must accept the finale as part of the story if you don’t want to. Don’t even let *yourself* believe that if you don’t want to. This show has done more to play with the themes of “what is reality” and “who gives a story meaning” and alternate universes and curses and djinn dreams to easily account for whatever the heck the finale was.

my current go-to theory: everything after Chuck’s defeat takes place in the Mockumentary Alternate Universe... it fits way too uncomfortably well... and then I just apply the fic I received in a cosmic transmission from the actual supernatural universe wrote detailing the events of what *I* hoped would transpire afterward. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me, mostly because it *has* to. It means far too much to me not to.

You are not alone in having invested yourself into this story, and these characters. Your feelings about them are not wrong or stupid or frivolous. And the proof is everyone else who feels the same exact way, who connected to this story (and to each other through this story), and whose lives have been forever altered through this journey together. The fact that Dabb turned out to have been Chuck Junior and couldn’t see (or was prevented from showing us) what Team Free Will would’ve chosen to do with that after defeating their original creator just stands to prove to me that the finale can’t possibly be The Truth, you know?

I don’t know if any of this will help you, or provide you some small comfort right now, but maybe it will eventually. We’re all processing the loss of the show and the abject failure of story that was the finale in different ways, and I’m sure our emotional reactions will shift over time. It was just A Lot to process all in the span of a few incredibly emotional weeks-- not even mentioning how all of that emotional response was compounded by the american elections and surrounding nonsense, the general stress of enduring a global pandemic and all that entails, and *waves hands around broadly at everything else contributing to the trauma occurring in the collective of humankind right now.* We’ve all been emotionally compromised, so be kind to yourself in how you feel you’re coping with it all.

And know that no matter what, you are not alone in how you’re feeling. The grief is real, and our brains don’t care if it’s felt for fictional characters or real people. This was honestly a once in a lifetime experience for a lot of us, and not even the wtf of the finale can kill it for us if we don’t let it. I reject that particular piece of rusty rebar and choose to believe in a just and narratively coherent resolution. To do anything less feels like dishonoring the story and characters who have drawn me in and made me feel so much for them over the years. If the story itself couldn’t honor them properly, then I can choose to do so myself.

<3

[prince-simon]

Alrighty I just finished the chapter and maybe it's because I currently relate to people having a hard time but I FUCKING LOVED IT! Or better I loved how I hated the every single bad thing that happened and enjoyed the fuck out of getting more and more emotionally compromised. Can't wait to where else you are taking us on this journey and as soon as I am again in the headspace to produce something again, I will definitely try my hand at a haunting edit, LOVE U AND THIS FIC 🧡💜🧡💜🧡

aaaahh hiiii omg that's so fair!! i'm glad you loved the pain ahaha i'm honestly so excited to take you on the rest of this journey! i think it's gonna be beautiful!! and omg pls don't feel pressured to create something new! (i am of course super excited for when you do) but take care of yourself first! 💗

LOVE YOU!!!!

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨CONGRATS ON 500+ FOLLOWERS!! :D

I’ll get straight to it, i refer to myself as she/her. I’m an Aquarius sun, Scorpio Moon and Aquarius rising. I am also an INTP. I love cats. A lot, if i could(which i may in the future) i wish to own a cat sanctuary. Generally I’m very quiet. Not shy, just quiet. I don’t care to talk unless i have to. But once someone does get me to start talking, then i don’t shut up idk. I enjoy writing a lot i often try to write in my free time and i also enjoy reading quite a bit too. I will have to say i am quite a funny person as well. My humor is VERY dry and dark. I generally hate drinking but if i do drink it’s only wine or some bubbly champagne(only socially too) idk if this is important but i am a barista so i do enjoy a good cup of coffee, a cappuccino or cortado are my go-to. I do quite enjoy going on adventures/vacations a lot, something out of the norm and spontaneous. I can also be quite oblivious and often get myself stuck in situations that idk how to get out of whether it’s talking to people or being used for granted at work. Also I’m terrible, terrible with any confrontations or arguments. I guess relationship wise i show affection through acts of service or gifts mostly. I rarely show any physical affections and i HATE pda.

Thank you so much and congrats again!! ❤️❤️

thank you so much anon!

i hope you enjoy your chuuya headcanons !!

he's a dog person, yes, and cats kind of freak him out, but once you tell him about your desired cat sanctuary he's on all fours trying to make it happen for you. he figures it's not only going to be a great contribution to the city, but also a personal space for you to hide away in, and he knows you will appreciate it.

you might get a little annoyed at chuuya for this but he will insist that everything is a social drink. even if you two are alone. he'll understand if you don't want it but he will always offer you some wine or champagne if there is. a part of it is about the bonding; a part of it is about him wanting you to loosen up a little bit.

the first time you made him coffee he nearly died because of how good it is. and by that i mean it was so good that he went for a second sip and nearly burned his entire gastrointestinal track with how quickly he took a drink. please promise to make him as much coffee as he wants so that he doesn't try slurping a freshly brewed one like it'll be his last.

chuuya isn't emotionally stupid, but he's kind of dense sometimes. he does, however, get the feeling that there are, in you, some very deep emotions that he won't be able to understand all the time. he doesn't expect you to open up about them, but he definitely prepares himself mentally in the case you do decide to tell him what's on your mind that deeply.

for now, though, he'd rather you let out all the bad feelings by taking you out on vacations. he knows a lot of spots around the country and if you ever get tired of that it's not impossible to travel to other continents as well. he's always looking for something that might appease your sense of adventure and is offering it to you.

he is confrontational and protective of you even if you were the one who got yourself into that mess with your nonconfrontational nature. he will definitely step up on the plate for you, and take any blows that you would have had to take. he will not stop until he's changed the situation for you. you'll need to take care of him afterward, but he'll always think it is worth it.

doesn't realize how much he appreciates acts of service until you've come into his life. it's the little things, really- taking his coat off when he's come home from work, having the bath filled and ready when you're also at home and he's returning, breakfast in the morning... whenever you can help him with little things he usually has trouble with, he feels a swelling of love.

i'm not gonna lie, chuuya's kind of sad about the no pda rule, but he will respect your decision. maybe with a compromise- can you at least hold hands?

i feel like there's going to be a push and pull between you and chuuya for as long as you will be together. it's not a bad push and pull, but there's always a sense of something being taken and something being given. if you can balance that, you two will get along swell!