#because I have very loud facial expressions and zero control over them

[azzandra]

I try not to dunk on the customers I encounter at work too much because I know we all get our turn with the idiot ball eventually. But this week I was bedeviled by a man who insisted on informing me multiple times that the reason he wasn't satisfied with any of the options we offered was because he was the kind of person who read the Bible every day.

And like, it was an act of supreme will not to write back 'well, maybe reading the Bible every day has made you stupid, sir'. Like, the Bible isn't that long of a book. You've been reading it every day and still haven't finished it yet? Have you considered maybe reading a second book so as to develop perhaps a second personality trait?

[sparkledfirecracker]

Deeds For The Big Screen

I see writing as a form of creative artwork with everyone having its own liking or preference to it.

Do not interact if you are uncomfortable with any of the given warnings or if you are a minor. 

Your media consumption is your own responsibility, proceed to read with care. Warnings have been up and mentioned, if I missed any please feel free to let me know. 

Warnings: 18+, explicit sexual content, explicit language, sexwork, porn industry, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex, oral receiving (f), swearing

Rating: explicit

Pairing: Ari Levinson x Female Reader

Summary: You’re taking power into your hands when your actors don’t seem to do their job and are wasting expensive production time.

Word count: 3006

 A/N: This might be a little rusty, I haven’t done this in a while, but some creators have inspired me to pick up writing again! Fairly new to Tumblr, despite having an account for years and having done zero with it. Apparently me dreaming about different story ideas has become a thing now. So bear with me here. As said; if I missed any warnings please feel free to let me know.

@punani​ ’s ‘The Fluffer’ was inspiration for the chosen work field. So thank you for writing that magnificent piece.

English is not my native language; my grammar mistakes are purely my own. Constructive criticism is allowed and appreciated, I won’t bite unless you’re being rude.

I do not consent to have my work copied, reposted or translated on any other platform. Reposts on any given platform have been reposted without my permission or consent. By reading this, you agree that you are at least 18 years old!!!

Please do feel free to comment, like or reblog.

ENJOY!!!

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Deeds For The Big Screen

Irritation bubbling underneath your annoyed expression, your lips tightly pressed together. Fingernails tapping aggressively on the armrests of your director’s chair. Your legs crossed, bouncing with frustration at the sight in front of you. It seemed liked the actors onsite were on a mission to make everyone’s life on set hell. Your hands grabbing the armrests your knuckles white from the intense grip of the edges of your chair.

You were a visionaire, adultery was your passion, you had been in the business for year before starting your own company. Focusing on the female friendlier porn demand had paid of well for you, your company was your pride and you thrived on the success. You ran a tight ship, time was money and currently both actors were wasting every second of it. The current creative project was not being envisioned at all. It had been meticulously drawn out on a storyboard, it seemed like everything that had been discussed and rehearsed was thrown out the window.

You let out an annoyed huff, it had been hours on end anything between action and cut. Your million-dollar superstar was propped on his elbows towering over the fragile body underneath him. His hips franticly pumping in and out of the actress underneath him, who was clawing her nails into his skin desperately. Was he really the problem or was it the useless woman caged underneath him. Her super loud moans that probably could be heard at the other side of the world and the quantity of clawing at his skin.

 “CUT!!!” you yelled and everyone in the production stopped, heavy sighs heard across the studio. Your hands rubbed your face slightly not wanting to yell or lose control of the raging thoughts running through your mind.

“What’s wrong this time?” your most prized possession asked, the annoyance clearly dripping of his tone. He stood up facing you, his hands falling to his hips, sticking out his chest while his thick muscle stood proud against his pelvis. You couldn’t help but take in the sight, his cock was red and he was painfully hard. You licked your lips and took in a deep breath, trying to refocus on your thoughts.

“Alright let me make myself very clear here. The crew is TIRED and I am tired of fucking repeating myself” you took another deep breath as you felt anger rising “was I not clear enough when we had a table read yesterday and when we rehearsed this morning?” your eyes switching between the actors. No response “An answer would be nice, because that storyboard on the wall contains every movement of where body parts go during every fucking scene”

“Get the fuck out Y/N, you know storyboards only contains the major outlines of a grand story being told, it is different when you are pumping in and out of a body you know. You don’t always get to choose where a hand, leg or cock lands”

“Ari, we are in the god forsaken porn industry, that thick throbbing dick better end up in the fucking dripping vagina, between her lips or even in that nice and tight puckered hole” you could hear a few supressed snickers from the crew. Ari just kept staring you down “Right now all I see is stiffness, no passion, no fire and absolutely nothing that was on the fucking board or script”

“Whatever Y/N” Ari huffed, you rolled your eyes breaking the tension that was clearly building between you and Ari. You turned your gaze to Edie, who just sat there uncomfortably.

“Edie, can you just tone down on the moans, I know this is your first gig and a step up from the amateur adultery films you have done, but we are not in the cheap kind of porn. This is exclusive, sensual and soft sex. We make porn for the ladies and if it happens that men love it too so be it-” you clapped your hands together trying to get through to the actors in front of you “Also ease up on your facial expressions too they are just too much and stop clawing at Ari, we are not feral wolves in the outskirts of woodsy valley…” you pointed at her, the hostility evident in your voice, she just nodded your way she almost looked too scared to speak. Your attention turned to Ari, just by looking at him you knew he wouldn’t be able to take a lot more of your antics “-And for you mister, I need more open posture. We want to see those muscles work underneath that toned skin of yours. Flex them a little, you want the person watching this to drool from their mouths while their vaginas or arseholes are begging for your majestic cock. Yes, we can do this all rough and tough, but with this project we want fire, passion and mind-blowing sex. Understood?”

Both pornstars nodded your way and you sat back down in your chair. The actors taking their spots again, you raised your hand, cues being called across the room.

“ACTION!” Edie tried her utter best to contain her excessive sounds, but she looked like she was about to take a dump “CUT!”

“Y/N, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Ari yelled, jumping of the small platform, grabbing his robe from the floor, storming your way while putting on his robe, you got off your chair.

“Is it really that hard to do what I am asking? Edie you look like you are about to take a dump right in front of the camera” you lost control of the anger that had been boiling inside of you. Ari bumped into you, almost knocking you down, it must have been on purpose as you could sense his anger “where the fuck do you think you are going?” he spun on his heels

“I have been edged for hours on end, I need some form of release and it looks like our director is not going to let us get any release for a few more hours” Ari spat your way

“GET BACK HERE!!” you definitely lost control, watching Ari on a mission to march out of the studio “ARI I SAID GET BACK HERE”

“I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING A DOG!!!”

“YOU ARE MY FUCKING TOP DOLLAR DOG, SO YOU BETTER GET THE FUCK BACK BEFORE I FIRE YOU MYSELF” it was true, Ari was your million-dollar star, your company couldn’t have grown without him. He had been there from the beginning, you had him to thank for the success of your company and in return he had you to thank for his stardom.

Your words had made Ari stop in his tracks and turn around, the temperature in the room increasing quickly. You had started to doubt if the room had been that hot the entire time or if it was the arousal creeping through your veins caused by Ari’s deep angered gaze.

He charged your way his finger pointing at you and his mouth was moving, but your hearing seemed to have vanished. You contemplated if you should just show them what you meant or just call it a day. Things were getting heated and the crew was already exhausted enough. Your thoughts interrupted as your mouth started to speak.

“Do I really have to do everything around here?” you muttered under your breath “Edie get off the sunbed and put your robe on” she complied to your order, getting of the stage and putting on her silk robe. You took a moment to analyse your thought, to see if the voice inside your head would protest of what you were contemplating. Nothing came to mind, so instead you unbuttoned your sundress quickly before regretting your decision “Last attempt to film this guys, start rolling. Ari off with the robe, we start from the beginning. Edie take notes” you ordered around the room. Your sundress and underwear falling off your frame piling up next to your director’s chair.

“What are you doing baby girl?” Ari whispered in your ear as you walked backwards his hands holding your hips guiding you towards the double sunbed. His anger seemed to have disappeared and replaced with intrigue.

“Showing you what I want, but mostly taking what I need right now” you replied, he quirked an eyebrow, a smirk plastered on his face in approval “Let’s give them the show they want”

“The show you want” Ari chuckled as he corrected you, before narrowing his eyes a little “The big boss in action, I like it…” Ari whispered as he took in your naked body “I like it a lit” His confident spoken words made you a little insecure, but you hid it well trying to hold your nerves together.

You climbed on the sunbed laying back, your eyes wandered over Ari’s toned chest, his cock aching, your pussy throbbing. You licked your lips and the muscles in your core tightened with the exciting thought of him filling you up to the brim in a matter of minutes, you being at his complete mercy.

“ACTION!” you yelled

Ari crawled on top of you, your hands roamed freely over his arms and chest, his lips crashing on yours briefly before moving on to your neck and your upper torso. Your hands finding their way onto his shoulders, caressing the bare skin. You arched your back at the delight feeling when he sucked on your nipples, a low moan left your lips. Ari’s hands cradling your frame as he peppered kisses further south.

Your eyes following him, he looked back at you through his long lashes as two of his fingers tease your entrance, running gently through your folds. One thing was for sure, you were hot and bothered, all because of the eye candy encaging you in his porn play. He dipped two fingers in your aching core and pumped three times before they stilled inside you. His face coming up to meet yours, his eyes darkened and stole another passionate driven kiss.

His fingers starting pumping you faster earning a few unexpected deep moans. Your lips parting, your lust blown eyes were completely taken by the current moment. Your mind completely forgetting everything was being recorded. Ari’s fingers left your soaking cunt as he lowered his head and settled himself between your legs.

His mouth sucked your clit, you took in a sharp breath. His tongue firmly stroked downward on your slit, enough pressure for a controlled yet obscene moan to escape you. His tongue entered your dripping hole before returning his attention back to your clit. Ari’s fingers rejected as your vaginal muscle had tightened from the attention your clit was receiving. His mouth eased off and he pushed his fingers inside you, your cunt accepting, sucking them in.

The pleasure was almost too much, your hands caressing your upper body finding your breasts. With a feathered touch you rubbed your index fingers over your nipples, biting your bottom lip at the pleasure. Your touch made your nipples erect, the sensation spreading like wildfire through your entire body. Ari increased his pace and your moans and whimpers became more frequent, but in a more wanting and loving way.

Your back started to arch up and you were about to cum, when Ari stopped all his actions. Your eyes shot fully open to protest, but he shushed you by placing two of his fingers in your mouth allowing you a moment to taste yourself before retracting them. You watched him pump his hard cock with his hand, before he gripped your hips as his member slowly pushes down in your sopping cunt.

“Big enough for you princess” Ari grunted as he pushed fully into you.

“Y-Yes” the response was short and simple, your brain not functioning anymore when the pleasure had taken over from the thoughts. His tempo made your eyes roll backwards, your hips meeting his rhythm as he held a firm grasp on your hips helping and guiding you up and down on him. Without warning Ari stopped and flipped you over. A fistful of hair grabbed pulling you back, his grasp wasn’t harsh and only intensified your lustful awakening.

His left arm snaking around your waist finding your right boob, giving it a sinful squeeze, pinching your nipple between his fingers. He held your back close to his chest while his lips sucked pleasure marks on your neck and breathing heavily into your ear, whispering nothing but obscenities to you. Your arms lifted up and your hands fisted his hair, your fingernails scraping his scalp a little. He growled in your ear, you repeated your actions and he gave your hip a single firm squeeze.

His cock slowly being dragged in and out of you, your walls coating his thick veined cock. The squelching noises pulled from the juices being pulled from between your legs. Ari’s hands running freely over your skin setting it on fire. You felt fucked out and your orgasm was building rapidly. 

Ari must have felt it as his hips started bucking up into you even faster, making is his mission to finish you. Your moans of sin becoming frequent again, Ari’s wandering hand slid in between your folds, rubbing your clit gently, pushing you even closer to the edge. One of your hands held onto his wrist holding it in the pleasurable place whilst the other placed on the nape of his neck, fingers gripping the hairs at the bottom.

Your orgasm washed over you as Ari let you ride out your high before pulling you off, laying you flat on the double sunbed. As you tried to calm your breathing he straddled you underneath him, pumping his member faster. The white strings of sin faltering out of his cock, you leaned up on your elbows and opened your mouth while he decorated your face and chest. 

Licking your lips with his salty cum, you swallowed and stared back at Ari who seemed to enjoy the fucked out sight in front of him. When he had finished squirting his load on you, he cradled your head in his large hands, his thumbs running over your lips before leaning in to steal one last fiery kiss. You separated from the kiss and kept staring each other in the eyes for what felt like hours.

“Happy boss?” Ari questioned still holding your head gently as you nodded your head

“CUT!” you yelled, Ari climbed off of you and helped you up.

“WOW, that was amazing” Edie clapped being stunned by the scene that just had taken place.

“Thanks, hopefully a great lesson for you on what to do next time” you spoke, she smiled widely back at you when you walked towards your chair, picking up your clothes from the floor “Well done everyone, I think we all need a break and we’ll continue with fresh eyes tomorrow” a relieved cheer was heard “I’m off to have a shower, since I have become a Picasso art piece” you started walking towards the dressing room

“Worth millions” Ari spoke after you, you raised your middle finger at him without looking back at him. His loud laughter filled the room.

 -----------------------------

You walked out of the building, rolling your eyes at Ari as he leaned against your car, one leg propped up on the tire, his arms folded and a cocky grin beaming back at you.

“There she is, my million dollar star” Ari clapped his hands before raising up his arms slightly and bowing down “I bless the ground you walk on peaches”

“Oh shut it Ari” you felt your cheeks burn, embarrassment bubbling underneath your skin. It was ridiculous, but you felt a little insecure “Hopefully good enough for what I want to get done” you continued walking towards the car, halting in front of Ari. 

“Hopefully?” Ari raised an eyebrow “Peaches you were wonderful, you are in my top 3 ‘the best fucking sex I ever had’ so I guess for a retired pornstar you still possess your magic” you shoved him a little and his head fell back letting out a laugh “Don’t be embarrassed, I liked it a lot” his hands found their way on your waist pulling you into a hug, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Thank you Ari, but can you move out of the way, I want to go home, I am little worn out” “Must be because of my majestic cock” he laughed

“Don’t flatter yourself, it doesn’t suit you” you giggled “Why are you still here, I thought you left a while ago”

“Couldn’t stay away from you peaches, since you performed so well today” Ari wiggled his eyebrows

“Had to show you guys somehow, you were costing me a fortune” you pointed out, opening the car door, tossing your bag on the backseat.

“Would it make a difference if it was done on purpose?” Ari questioned, climbing into the driver’s seat. Your mouth had fallen open from the shock and your brain scrambled for words and phrases to throw Ari’s way. You opened the door on the passenger’s side and got into the seat.

“Are you telling me you put on an entire show so you could get your dick wet on the clock?”

“Had to fuck the brat right out of you somehow” his cocky grin beamed back at you. You knew he was taunting you if it wasn’t for his sunglasses shielding his eyes “You have always been such a perfectionist, so I knew you would fall for my well thought out trap”

“Well next time ask me to eat a snickers instead” you rolled your eyes as Ari started the car.

“Might need another round of fucking the brat out of you peaches” Ari grabbed your hand, pulling the intertwined hold to his lips and placing a kiss on top. Your cheeks flushed with heat at the thought of how intense your fuck session had been and what kind of ways you both would fuck one another later.

YIKES, that was a true adventure!!!

[jenomark]

A-Z Analysis of Chenle

💚 Smut

💚 18+

💚 This is only fantasy

A ⇥ Aftercare

  He’ll feel like a million dollars. Smugness isn’t in his nature when it comes to sexual pleasure, but he’ll be glowing like a God when you’re finished with him. Needs a little time to rest and compose himself. Hates being caught with his pants around his ankles, so to speak. Wants to come back and hold you after catching his breath and wiping his sweat. A large part of him likes being lazy in love. Doesn’t want to leave the bed after sex. If he does, it’s to get the food that he’s ordered and that’s it.

  B ⇥ Body Part

  This isn’t a question he cares about. Of course he loves himself and everything that comes with the package of Zhong Chenle. His confidence is always sexy and alluring. His favorite part of you is your eyes, honestly. Likes to stare into them deeply, always trusting the softness you give back to him. In the bedroom, he doesn’t shy away from any part of your body, even if you hate it. Doesn’t highlight your insecurities in an obvious way. Is careful with the way you feel, but he’s definitely appreciating every last bit of you.

  C ⇥ Cum

  Feels very masculine and brilliant after he cums. Has had to get used to pleasuring someone in a different way other than through penetration. The effort it takes to get you to come is something he really likes. He ends up feeling accomplished, especially if it happens faster than he thought. His facial expressions always betray his emotions in this moment.

  D ⇥ Dirty Secret

   There are things he’s shameless about wanting or needing. Wanting you as you come means wanting you when you’re dirty and messy, when you’re already tired and sore. Is also the type to have sex at any time of the day when the mood strikes him. He’s a pretty simple guy.

  E ⇥ Experience

  Realistically, he has zero experience. He likes pleasure and the idea of giving pleasure to someone else through love and intimacy, but it’s not a priority. Believes there is plenty of time for that. Really looks forward to it, too. Parenthood is also tied into his life fantasies.

  F ⇥ Favorite position

  Him on top. Making eye contact is important to him. He likes to make you feel flustered. He likes for you to feel his body weight and heat. It’s also really romantic, and he gets to be in control. 

G⇥  Goofy

  Sex with him would be fun and stress-free. He’s the perfect person to go to when you want to work on all of your physical problems. He allows people to be themselves around him, as long as he gets to see them and witness it. Good with taking your bad energy and getting rid of it. Sex with him is always an exchange of something (energy, love, time)

  H ⇥ Hair

 He wants more body hair than he has. He has all of these ideas about being rugged and sexy, even though he’s already comfortable with the person he is. Will consider shaving or trimming if you ask, but a part of him would be hurt by it. Doesn’t expect you to do what he wants and is okay with it. Natural is nice. He would never want you to do what you don’t want to do.

I ⇥ Intimacy

  Since he’s honest with himself, he’s open to letting sex be as intimate as possible. The only time it wouldn’t be an intimate affair is if he’s just having sex for the sake of pleasure rather than love. He can separate those two things, but once he knows you don’t want love, he might shut himself off to it. He’ll give his body and nothing more.

  Intimacy always means laughing. If you can’t laugh at yourself, it will turn him off. 

    J ⇥ Jack Off

   Doesn’t masturbate that often (surprisingly), but he’s explored his body enough to know what he likes and needs. Is a pro at not being caught by anyone. 

K ⇥ Kink

  He doesn’t have very many kinks. It’s not his thing, but he’s open to the idea of learning without judging. Kinks in the way social media sees them haven’t really entered his radar. It would be fun to teach him.

L ⇥ Location

  Will have sex anywhere he feels like it. Of course, it will have to be somewhere legal, and somewhere he feels comfortable. Is the type to get horny completely out of nowhere. Has no problem having sex in the midst of cleaning on a Sunday afternoon. His favorite location is at a place he owns himself, though. He has this idea of breaking in his furniture with sex and love, with someone who loves him as much as he loves them.

M ⇥ Motivation

 Turned on by really strong women with masculine energies. He knows people well and can get under their skin. Someone who cuts off his efforts and serves it right back will catch his attention. Also turned on by someone taking care of him and making him feel insignificant. He’s easily charmed by all of that.

N ⇥ No

 Turned off by a lot of things he considers normal (things that the average person is turned off by). Not into stubborn and selfish lovers. Doesn’t want to feel forced when he’s trying out new sexual positions. 

O ⇥ Oral

  He loves oral sex. He loves to sweat between your legs, holding onto your thighs as his tongue dips in and out of you. Has to look at you often to see how you’re reacting. Feels the oddest bit of romance if you suck his dick at night, and he has no idea why.

P ⇥ Pace

  Sexually, he likes to set the pace and be in control. In a perfect world, you both meet each other halfway, but it’s okay if you’re not someone who can do that. He’s so good with creating safe spaces.

Q ⇥ Quickie

  Loves quickies!!!! Sex should be fun, because that’s always how he’s seen it portrayed. There should be no timeframe when it comes to love, so he’s down for taking breaks out of the day to get down to it.

R ⇥ Risk

  He’s too intelligent to be risky. He knows the consequences of getting caught aren’t worth it. Risk will find its way to him, though. His thoughtfulness plays with the idea of impulsiveness sometimes. He might say no one day, but when opportunity arises, he changes his mind.

S ⇥ Stamina

 Enough stamina to make you cum. That’s really all you need to know.

T ⇥ Toy

  He will not be the one to introduce toys into the bedroom. He likes it best when it’s just him and you. He would try it out on you, if it’s what you wanted.

U ⇥ Unfair  

  He’s always teasing you, sexually and non-sexually. He likes having the upper hand. Watching your tongue stick out of your mouth when he slows down the pace and doesn’t give you what you want is all fun for him.

V ⇥ Volume

 Though his voice is normally loud, he gets kind of quiet during sex. A lot of heavy breathing and grunting, but nothing too wild. Contemplates a lot. Ends up talking to you in soft whispers, mostly loving words of encouragement.

W ⇥ Wild Card

  He won’t show you that he loves you with his hands. His mouth will move over you, his lips full of need. He’ll hope for the swell of your body moving upwards to meet his mouth. He’ll hope you understand what he’s saying without having to say it. “Tell me you need me.” Chenle will say impatiently. His lips will stop and his eyes will wait. His pupils will darken. You won’t show him with your hands either. “ I need you.” you’ll say. Chenle will dive deeply into you, fingers moving inside of you to finally scratch the itch you’ve had since you first laid eyes on him. Chenle will laugh and you’ll relax a little, grasping onto his shoulders, before wrapping your arms around him, and opening your legs to let him inside.

X ⇥ X-Ray

No matter what size he is, he’s proud. 

Y ⇥ Yearning

  Has a decent sex-drive. Because there is a part of his energy that’s a little addicting, he’ll end up fighting you off of him because you’ll want to fuck him all the time.

  Z ⇥ ZZZZ

 Falls asleep straight away, if you have no plans after sex. Looks the most peaceful he’s ever looked, too.

[bearseokie]

boyfriend! victon

[ gender-neutral! ] this was originally just a bf! subin headcanon, but i clearly cannot control myself.

victon m.list | navi. | nsfw bf! victon (M)

Seungwoo:

openly admitted his feelings for you in the hopes you would reply with the same emotions.

his gestures are always romantic, even if he means them to be casual (i.e kissing your knuckles, helping you out of a vehicle, pulling your chair out for you.)

sweeps you off your feet every chance he gets. figuratively and physically.

you can't be in a room that doesn't have flowers in them, he makes sure of that.

holds his hand up flat so you can press yours against it.

will walk in on you in the bathroom and laugh at your embarrassed reaction while he brushes his teeth.

gives you his clothes to wear almost every day, you barely wear anything from your own wardrobe.

back hugs you every chance he can.

gym dates where you sit off to the side and take pictures of him while he works out. he eventually gets bored of you watching him and asks to bench you instead of his weights, which ends up in you falling on top of him laughing. if you do work out with him, he spots you the entire time instead of doing his own workout.

drives with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh.

shakes you awake so you can watch the sunrise through the window together while you lay in each other’s arms.

sleeps on his stomach so you have to hold him instead of the other way around.

tosses you over his shoulder instead of picking you up like normal.

writes handwritten letters when you're apart.

running your fingers through his hair while his head lays on your chest.

when he sings in the shower, he sings at full volume. the steam will be seeping from under the door, and even if you’re dead asleep, he will belt out some high notes that wakes you up instantly with a smile on your face.

lets you sit on his lap all the time. even if he is in the middle of something, he will just slide his arms under yours and continue working with you in his hold.

loves to hold you up by your waist to kiss you like you’re in a dramatic romance movie.

messes with you a lot. loves to piss you off so he can pinch your cheeks and kiss you until you cool down.

the type of boyfriend that invites you to dinner, walks you home, and doesn't leave until the next morning if you catch the drift.

Seungsik:

he is terrible at opening up to people (he's said this himself), and it takes a long time for someone to get to know him.

and by a 'long time' he meant maybe two days after he met you because that title immediately flew out the window. eager to know everything about you, it was only fair that he talked about himself, too.

confessed to you by holding your hand awkwardly while standing behind you so you couldn't see how hard he was blushing

he knows what you're thinking without you even saying anything

does house chores for you regularly so you get time to relax.

"where did these flowers come from?" seungsik.

purposely waits for you to ask him to do something just so he can admit that he already did it. usually ends in you showering him with 'thank you' kisses.

knows your food orders by heart

short walks during light rains just so he has an excuse to cover you with his coat and run home with you.

the most caring person around you when you get sick, will nurse you back to health like his life depends on it.

brings you outside just so you can sit in the grass and blow on dandelions together.

“did you eat yet?” texts regularly

very handy when it comes to home projects. even if you don’t ask you to join him in fixing something, he’ll already be three steps ahead of you with it almost done by the time you get the first word out.

loves to run his hands through your hair.

candlelit dinners late at night while sharing each other’s passions and dreams.

matching phone lock screens where you’re his and he’s yours.

nose kisses.

matching plaid pants.

No matter how far from each other you’re standing, he always instinctively holds his hand out for you to take.

sleeps with your head on his chest so you can listen to his heartbeat.

Chan:

he fell madly in love with you instantly the second he saw you. he couldn’t look away. finally plucked up the courage to ask you out but got so nervous that you had to ask him instead.

can make you laugh with a single facial expression.

once tried to impress you by throwing his coat over a puddle so you could walk over it, it was a sewage drain and his coat was ruined.

leaves the house and returns with every snack imaginable for you to share. lots of lady and the tramp spaghetti moments but with ramen. flavored waters stored in your fridge like the world is ending. enough sweets to survive an apocalypse.

yanks you down the sidewalk to pet a dog.

every time you walk around the park, he asks for you to go down the double slide with him so you can hold hands.

takes up 80% of the bed when sleeping so you have to cling to him in order to not fall off the side.

long phone calls at the end of the day when you’re apart. he tells you everything that happened and doesn’t leave out a single detail.

rooftop dates where you can watch the sun go down while you hold hands and kiss.

he always has a story to tell you, no matter what time of day it is.

picnics.

you’ll never have to open another door for yourself again.

lets you sit behind him so you can hug his back while he holds on to your legs around his waist.

has a soft spot for your laugh. if you start laughing, he'll start laughing, and neither of you will have oxygen in your lungs for a while.

artistic dates where you try out new activities. acrylic pours, spray-painting, even drawing on each other. loves to make a mess of things so he gets to spend more time with you cleaning it up.

matching hoodies.

blaring music while dancing together around your living room.

kisses you like you’re the only two people on the planet.

takes you to a small diner for dinner and you both sit there and talk until the sun is rising.

gets lead on easily, so he trusts you with his life because he loves you.

Sejun:

obnoxious 'go to the store with me' dates where it's just the two of you rampaging around the aisles finding nothing in particular while coming up with more inside jokes than you can memorize.

begs you to watch scary movies with him just so you'll cling to him scared. he clings to you instead because he's terrified.

arcade dates.

loud screaming when he isn't expecting you.

you have a wall dedicated to doodles he’s drawn for you, even if they were torn from the corners of notebook paper. also leaves sticky note messages for you to find around your home.

the type of boyfriend to find an abandoned shopping cart and put you in it to go around town.

karaoke dates where he screams at the top of his lungs.

willingly falls off of furniture reaching you for you when he’s sleepy.

stormy nights are no longer scary because he’ll bring out the battery-powered lantern and some snacks. also helps you build a blanket fort.

piggy-back rides.

every time you turn around he's feeding you food or bringing you something to drink. if you tell him you haven't eaten all day, he'll carry you to the kitchen and spoon-feed you until you're full so he knows you're taken care of.

handmade couples’ bracelets himself.

pushes on 'pull' doors and pulls on 'push' doors, so you have to walk ahead of him or else you'll look goofy. don't even think about making him go between automatic doors, he'll somehow break the sensor.

hugging his neck and resting on his wide shoulders.

car playlists that you both yell at the top of your lungs when going somewhere.

falls asleep against you once a day.

study dates where he helps you go over things for school. turns your notes into games so you learn them easier. you get rewarded for correct answers with kisses.

holding hands while jumping into a pool together. loves to lay on floats with you on top of him until he decides to throw you off into the water. splashes you the second you get around him to begin a war that doesn’t end unless one of you calls a truce.

sleeps on his back with you curled up against him.

holds you by your hips all the time.

Hanse:

the 'he'll never show interest in me.' until one day, in the spur of the moment, he spills out everything. about how he has had a crush on you since you met, how fast his heart races when you look at him, all of the times he's wanted to tell you.

you have to kiss him just to shut him up. which sticks because he rambles to you A Lot and kisses are the only way to help him shut off his brain.

he secretly overthinks everything, but will never let it be known.

you're his notepad so he doesn't have to hold it all in, and he can't go a day without expressing how grateful he is to have you.

late nights laying in each other's arms just talking about life and the world and memories.

studio dates where you randomly show up at like 1 a.m. with coffee and sweets to keep him energized. sometimes he pretends like he’s not going to open the door for you unless you beg him with a pout.

loves to take selfies with you. takes pictures of you when you aren’t looking, and you can’t be angry because you do the same to him.

skin care nights where you just pamper one another.

loves back hugs. and front hugs. he hugs you constantly.

pda is huge with him. he doesn’t care who’s looking, if he wants to hold your hand or kiss you, he will.

tattoo dates where you get to hold his hand and watch him get new ink.

extravagant halloween costumes. like he goes ham on your matching costumes. both of you always win competitions for the best dressed.

mirror pics with you doing random stuff in the back because he gave you zero warning.

movie dates. he purposely puts his hand in the popcorn bowl at the same time you do just so he can make you blush.

loves to cook for you. you don’t even have to ask, he’ll just have a full plate of food waiting for you when you get in. yes, sometimes it’s take out he pretended to cook, but you still love him.

sharing/matching accessories. definitely a lover of couple rings, and you’ll have a few instead of just one pair. he loves variety.

loves to be the little spoon. loves to be called baby. loves praise. loves when you play with his hair. loves when you boop his nose. hanse is that soft baby boyfriend.

steals your clothes more than you steal his.

if you make him laugh hard enough, his cheeks will turn pink and he’ll get flustered and try to hide his face against you.

cool and intimidating to everyone, but your soft boyfriend the second you put his hand in yours.

Byungchan:

'we met on accident' is what he tells everyone, but he actually got on his knees and asked you out thinking you'd never give him the time of day if he didn't do something extravagant.

stares at you when you steal his sweatshirts wondering when he’ll get it back (he won’t).

if you sleep over at his place, just know you’re sleeping more with the layer of blankets and pillows he has on his bed than him. but he will kick them off into the floor when he wants to hold on to you.

you’re convinced he can spawn coffee when you ask for some because he always returns home with them minutes after he leaves.

ice cream dates! or any food specific dates.

tall bf that reaches for things on the top shelf for you.

during his rough days he will cuddle up to you on the couch without saying a word. gently placing his head on your shoulder as he sits beside you, lacing your fingers together. eventually opens up about what’s bothering him, but just wants to be near you at first.

puppy eyes that can convince you to do anything for him. if that's not enough, he'll just kiss you until you comply.

reads books to you when you can’t sleep.

forehead kisses.

adrenaline dates like skydiving, cliff jumping, anything that gives him an excuse to hold on to you while you scream his name.

over-sized coats that he pulls over your shoulders when you feel chilly.

rests his chin on your head all the time just because he can.

aesthetic photo-shoots in random places while you make each other laugh so hard that every photo comes out blurry.

lays on top of you while sleeping. quite literally squashes you. you’re basically his own, personal teddy bear.

the one you scream for when a bug is around. he’ll lift you up onto tall furniture while he picks it up and takes it outside.

high-pitched whiny voice when he’s frustrated so you know that something is bothering him every time. he’s convinced you’re psychic because he doesn’t know that his voice does that subconsciously.

late nights staying up to watch old sitcoms while his head lays in your lap.

stealing his beanies.

if you get into bed with him, you won’t be able to get out.

Subin:

'best friends to lovers' !!!

before he knew he was in love with you, he would just find ways to spend time with you. long nights studying together. sleepovers consisting of movies and video games. sharing food and drinks without thinking twice about it.

his usually soft and calm demeanor immediately went away the second he realized he had feelings for you.

his scent is your favorite thing in the world.

cuddles up against you while sleeping. like his face in your neck, cuddling.

intense eyes always watching you until you finally meet his gaze, then he softens up.

he cannot sleep unless you are beside him. even calling and talking doesn't help, he needs you next to him.

couch potatoes.

rarely goes out for dinner dates, prefers to just order in and stay in comfortable clothing. which also benefits his cuddle time afterward.

matching pajama sets with slippers

chases you trying to get a hug

he's very stubborn if you ask him to do something. you'll have to play the 'no, you.' game for a while before he huffs and gets up to do it.

sundays are cuddle in bed days, he insists.

very competitive towards you while playing video games, kisses you when you lose but won't even look at you when you win.

his soft, pouty lips.

never lets go of your hand. you could be in the middle of something important and he'll still lace his fingers with yours.

sliding his glasses off his face when he falls asleep with them on.

middle of the night wake-ups were he just wants to hold and kiss you while lightly rocking you in his arms until you fall back asleep.

making him his favorite treats when he’s been working a lot so he knows you’re proud of him.

if he starts kissing your neck, it’s game time.

[thesaltyace]

Ooooo boy

Guess what time it is?

RANT TIME!!!!

What to expect below the cut: barely controlled RAGE at my new neighbor regarding discussion of religion (Christianity in particular). Spoiler alert: I’m not Christian and have a negative knee-jerk reaction to most interactions with people who go out of their way to make sure you know they’re a Christian and/or assume that I am, too!

This interaction has been bothering me ALL FUCKING DAY. It only “clicked” for me as I was putting away groceries just a moment ago that I’m upset because of the way this neighbor gave me only two choices in the conversation: 1) agree with him because of the assumptions he aggressively placed on me, or 2) make the difficult decision to “other” myself to a person I met literally two minutes ago.

So here’s what happened. The spouse and I needed to go run some errands today. We decided to take our large vehicle (an SUV) which was still loaded up with a few things from the move (...three weeks later.... lmao) so the spouse went outside to quickly shove it all into the garage so we’d have an empty car ready to transport groceries and possibly a table (if we found what we were looking for).

I got distracted while he was out there but didn’t try to redirect myself because I knew he’d come back inside once the car was unloaded so that we could treat our dogs and leave. But after a while it dawned on me that he’d been outside a lot longer than needed to unload just a few things into the garage. As if on cue, he comes inside and mutters, “Well, I haven’t unloaded anything yet because I met the neighbor over to the right of us.... that’s been fun....”

Apparently the neighbor is outside washing his car and sees my spouse’s Star Wars tshirt and uses that as an opportunity to start a conversation. No big deal, sure, lots of people do that. Then he immediately lets my spouse know that he did NOT like the most recent trilogy. And as spouse tells me this I outwardly cringe. Because here’s the thing..... 1) you’re going to lead with that?? and 2) never has anyone said that to us and been talking about anything reasonable. It’s always about not liking the “PC culture” and “catering” to particular audiences (read: being a sexist and racist) and never anything like “whoa they really fucked over their actors of color wtf”. So that’s red flag number one, but of course I also acknowledge that I don’t have a lot of details about this dude or his opinions yet, so I’ll just treat this as one piece of the suspected puzzle and see how it turns out. “Strike one,” I think. 

But you and I both know where this is going, because liking the last Star Wars trilogy isn’t itself political but the reasons you don’t like the final Star Wars trilogy suuuuuuuuure are telling.

Anyway, because my spouse suffers from chronic politeness, he feels awkward unloading the car while the neighbor is trying to talk to him so he just.... stands there and listens. So I join him outside and almost single-handedly unload the entire car myself while the spouse continues to awkwardly talk with the neighbor. I don’t bother to introduce myself to the neighbor and he doesn’t really acknowledge my existence either, so I’m already mentally thinking, “Strike two.”

So the dude just keeps kind of talking at my spouse as he stands there awkwardly, trying to be polite and friendly but feeling that he’s not truly part of a conversation. And he’s right! I finished unloading the car, went inside to treat and crate the dogs, and returned to the car, signaling that we needed to go. The spouse tries to disengage, but the neighbor is very intent on talking to him about his Gaelic heritage. Oof. Dude, I know we wear kilts but we literally Do Not Care. We wear them because we like them. The fact that we each have some Scottish and/or Irish heritage is just a little bit of justification we use if we aren’t comfortable telling someone that we like them because they’re both gender-neutral and gender-wtf clothing.

So anyway, the neighbor who is already on Strike Two veers deep into “If you had started with zero strikes, this topic immediately bumps you up to Strike 10″ territory. He makes some comment about being related due to Gaelic ancestry, and then uses that to segue into, “Well, I mean, we’re all cousins really when you think about it! After the flood, you know, with Noah and then those families parted ways with different languages and drifted apart.... So yeah, we’re really just cousins, you, me, and the rest of the world!” And he just grins at us with the expectation that we agree.

Y’all I have said it before and I will say it again: I may never go back to being maskless in public. And it’s specifically because no one can see my facial expressions in situations like this, when I desperately want to leave the conversation without causing a scene but also can’t hide either my horror, disgust, or anger.

So, as someone who was raised in a Southern Baptist household and is now staunchly non-religious, two things went through my head:

1) .....If you believe that all humankind descended from Adam and Eve then... the flood is kind of irrelevant for determining if we’re all related, wouldn’t you say?

2) ...you REALLY just did the thing. The thing that until today I’ve not been able to adequately describe. The thing where you make the pompous assumption that of COURSE these perfect strangers I’m talking to are CHRISTIAN! Of COURSE they are! So I’m gonna talk to them as though I KNOW they are and as thought to be otherwise would be ABSURD!

So my spouse and I are both standing next to our car, staring at this man who’s wearing a smug asshole grin on his face, really proud of how “friendly” and “loving” he’s being, I’m sure. And spouse glances at me, probably hoping that I don’t tear this man’s face off and therefore break the peace. I glance back at him, trying to figure out if I do want to rip this man’s face off or if I’d rather go shopping for a table. 

And I decide that I’d rather shop for a table and not immediately torpedo the chance of hopefully peacefully avoiding this neighbor forever more without introducing animosity. So we laughed uneasily and I said, “We’ve really got to go if we want to get everything done before things close today,” then hoisted myself into my seat and shut the door. Spouse hopped in and the second his door shut we both shrieked a quiet shriek of “OMG WTF” and drove away.

But I’ve been chewing on this interaction ALL DAY and I’m like.... why am I so goddamn mad about this??? And I finally figured it out. It’s because this man left no room for me or my spouse to be anyone other than who he assumed we are. 

He assumed that we were 1) Christian and 2) agreed with him. 

I won’t speak for my spouse, as his relationship with religion is more complicated than my own, but I 1) am not and 2) do not.

He crowded out who we actually are to make room for who he thinks we should be, and that will NEVER be okay with me. I’ve fought against being who others want or tell me to be my entire goddamn life, and that is why this is so upsetting to me.

We could either agree with him (or decline to disagree - same effect on the neighbor’s end) and keep the peace.

Or we could “other” ourselves and make it known that we aren’t the “good” people he assumes we are.

Because here’s the thing - never have I met someone who assumes I’m Christian and is 100% okay and nonproblematic when they find out (or I tell them) that I’m not. There’s always disappointment or confusion or outright hostility. 

And that means that othering ourselves to this complete stranger who lives next door to us isn’t safe and puts us at risk of making our existence here a living hell. Because we don’t know what kind of person he is, but based on our very brief interactions thus far I can probably guess. 

I am still so goddamn mad about this. And it’s interactions like these that make it so incredibly difficult for me to try to remain neutral or unbothered in situations where I must interact with overt Christianity bullshit. The people who are the most loud and pushy about it, the people who are the most insistent that of COURSE anyone worth interacting with is Christian, are exactly the types of Christians that make me want to run screaming from the room.

[cruisercrusher]

Dicktiger week day 6- Bad Plan (unanticipated)

(Re upload bc tumblr messed it up the first time)

Well, Dick thought to himself with a sort of detached humour, this is one fine pickle I’ve gotten myself into.

The seconds on the bomb kept ticking down closer to zero. Dick looked back at the computer, the flashing screen, and back at the bomb. He sighed, far calmer than someone in his situation ought to be. But, if this was the end… well, this was the end.

After Dick and Tiger had gotten the information needed from Marco Guillespe to lead them to the surveillance tech he’d paid to have developed, Spyral had started dissecting it right away.

There wasn’t enough information there for them to recreate it themselves— thank goodness— but according to a series of emails that had been included in the files Dick had stolen, the code wasn’t finalized yet. Also thank goodness.

But now, after three weeks of nonstop deciding and analyzing and narrowing it down, Spyral had managed to pinpoint the location of the lab where he tech was being made.

Remote and half underground in some forgotten and barely inhabited area in rural India, Spyral was sending a small team to clear out the facility and steal the plans. So they could “make sure it didn’t get into the wrong hands”, or so they said, but Dick had little faith they wouldn’t simply replicate it for their own uses.

Spyral teetered the line between evil and technically-not-evil on a good day. This surveillance program, absurdly unethical in its invasiveness by all worldly standards, would be the exact kind of thing that would push Spyral right into the fully evil category.

That was something that Dick couldn’t let happen. The whole reason he was even with Spyral was to stop that from happening.

Pretty lucky, then, that he and Tiger were the leads on this mission.

They moved in silently, surrounding the lab on all sides. Tiger gave the signal, and the agents moved again, slipping in past the alarms and security, following Dick’s lead inside

As much as there were many aspects of being a spy that Dick did not enjoy at all, this was pretty firmly in his comfort zone. Stealth missions were familiar territory.

Of course, the next phase wasn’t very stealthy at all, but the former vigilante would cross that bridge when he got to it.

Until then, Dick snuck through the facility towards the main security office, tailed by four more agents backing him up.

Neutralizing the security guards in the office and taking control of the building was easy. They hardwired the distress alarm so it wouldn’t go off when they destroyed the lab, and Dick sent the all clear signal to Tiger and his team.

Then he was out the door and making his way to the main lab, this time not caring for stealth— now, time was of the essence. He took down security guards as he went. He left the unconscious bodies like a trail of breadcrumbs behind him, knowing Tiger’s team would be sweeping the halls and clearing everyone out of the building.

He hadn’t even needed to pull his gun yet, instead continuing to use his signature escrima sticks— he was glad Spyral let him use them.

Dick slid down the ramp leading underground towards the lab and took a running head start once the door was in sight. He aimed a flying kick and busted the door right in off its hinges with a thunderous bang.

“Sorry to crash the party,” Dick smirked even though he knew none of the shocked software engineers inside could see his facial expression, brandishing his escrimas, “but—“

He was cut off by Tiger and his team coming in behind him.

“Enough of your quips, 37.” Tiger said, then, to the room at large, “You’re all under arrest. I suggest you come quietly— struggling will be futile and no one is going to come for you if you scream.”

Tiger barely even had to point his gun at the room of scientists for them to immediately drop what they were doing and raise their hands in surrender. The other agents started filing them out of the room, and Dick went over to the main computer to get to work just as a large metal crate was wheeled in.

This lab had way more thorough security measures than Guillespe’s desktop did, that was for sure-- for one, getting into the main computer was a little more complicated than a simple password. And surely there would be more roadblocks and traps to come-- but Dick was prepared for those.

Dick focused on getting into the computer while Tiger directed his agents to wheel the crate over to near the computer system where Dick was working and open it up. Inside was one of the three bombs they were going to use to blow up the facility. He watched out of the corner of his eye as they got it set up and ready to go. Tiger walked over and watched over Dick’s shoulder as he kept working at the computer.

“You’re confident you’ll get out with the plans in time?”

To the untrained ear it just sounded like Tiger was reaffirming the mission was set to go smoothly, but Dick was no untrained ear. He smiled up at his partner.

“Aw, don’t you worry ‘bout lil’ ol’ me, Tony,” He said, saccharinely sweet, even reaching up to pat Tiger on the cheek. “I’ll be fine.”

“Ugh,” Tiger pulled back with a groan of disgust. “Don’t call me that. Just keep your comm in and don’t do anything stupid, you idiot.”

“How could I?” Dick gestured to the computer. Beside them, the other agents finished setting up the bomb and got it online. “What could I fuck up from here?”

“I’m sure you could find plenty.” Tiger retorted, then pressed a finger to his comm to check in with the rest of his team and the bombs. “Is everything synced up?”

He must have gotten affirmatives, because then he nodded at the other agents, and they all left the room, probably to finish clearing the building while they still had time. Tiger made to follow them out, then turned back to Dick.

“Remember--” Tiger pointed a stern, bordering on menacing finger at him, “The mission protocol. If you do not have enough time to download the plans and get out, then evacuate immediately. Don’t be a self-sacrificing idiot. Understand?”

Dick laughed. “Aw, Agent 1,” he crooned. “Careful. I might start to think you care about me.”

Tiger scoffed and turned away once more. “Of course not. I am not attached to you, we are partners, not friends.”

“Partners with benefits,” Dick reminded him, just to be annoying. Tiger smacked him upside the head.

“You’re wasting time,” he grumbled, and left without another word.

As soon as Dick was alone in the room he spun around in the chair, the smile falling from his face and replaced with a more somber one.

You cared about your last partner, he thought bitterly. And look how badly I managed to fuck that up for you.

There had been too many variables, too many unknowns for him to have been able to form a solid plan on how to destroy the tech plans and make it seem like he hadn’t done it on purpose, so he was going to have to do a lot of improvising.

He glanced at the clock on the bomb. It had started counting down already-- they were on a tight schedule, Spyral could only hang around here for so long before someone noticed-- but there was still plenty of time. There should have still been plenty of time.

Dick went back to work on hacking into the computer. He had to make it seem like he at least tried, after all.

Things had been going perfectly well, everyone had been arrested and cleared out of the building on time, the bombs had been set up and were set to go off on time, all the other agents had gotten out on time, and according to Dick’s last update he would also be done and out on time. But still, a sense of unease followed Tiger as he paced just outside the blast zone at the entrance to the facility. He checked the remote detonator in his hand-- there were only two and a half minutes left on the timer before the bombs would go off. He frowned and looked back at the open entrance, then back down at the timer.

He didn’t want to admit it, not even to himself, but he thought having Dick alone in there was a glaring flaw in the plan-- not even for logistical reasons. It was exactly as Dick teased him about earlier-- he was worried.

Dick should be out by now-- down to two minutes, and it would take that long, even running at top speed, for Dick to make it from the main lab to the entrance and out of the blast zone.

Something wasn’t right. He activated his comm and was about to demand another update when suddenly a blast door slid shut over the entrance to the facility, inside, through the quickly closing gap, a red light was flashing that had not been before, and they could distantly hear an alarm. Tiger and the other agents yelled out, running back to the entrance, but it shut before they got there.

Damnit, Tiger thought, gritting his teeth. “Damnit!” He repeated out loud. Then into his comm, “Agent 37, what is going on down there! Agent 37, respond!”

“Okay, that should be about it…” Dick muttered to himself. “Just gotta plug in and…”

He’d managed to get through all the different layers and levels of security right on schedule, all while brainstorming stories of failsafes and corrupted files, and was finally ready to enact the final step of the plan. He pulled the USB out of his pocket and plugged it into the computer-- and that was where things went wrong.

All of a sudden every screen in the whole lab turned red-- and the lights overhead turned red and started flashing, and an alarm started blaring so loud Dick had to cover his ears.

“Shit, what the fuck!” Dick yelled over the blaring siren, looking back at the main screen-- there was a message displayed in large black text over the red background. ‘UNAUTHORIZED DATA READER INSERTED. INITIATING FAILSAFE 22B-1’

“Fuck!” Dick heard a sudden heavy metal thunk behind him, and looked over his shoulder to see a secondary blast door had closed over the entrance to the lab. “Fuck!”

He ran over and started looking for a way to get the door open just as his comm crackled to life.

“Agent 37, what is going on down there! Agent 37, respond!” Tiger roared in his ear. Dick could barely hear him over the alarm.

“Uh,” Dick shouted back, still scrutinizing every inch on the seal of the door. “I think I’m trapped inside!”

“Inside the building?”

“Inside the main lab! There was a second emergency door that closed over the doorway, and I can’t get it open and I don’t have anything to break it open with!”

“Fuck!” Dick heard Tiger yell through the comms.

“Fuck!” Tiger yelled. He reared on the agent closest to him. “Get this door open!”

“Agent 1, with all due respect--” the agent replied, “There’s only one minute left before the bombs go off. Even if we could get the door open, we wouldn’t be able to get Agent 37 out in time.”

Another agent pitched in-- extremely unhelpfully, in Tiger’s opinion. “We need to clear out of the blast zone.”

Tiger snarled, and spun away from the door, following the rest of the team back out of the blast zone towards the shuttle. Blood was roaring in his ears, he could feel the tips of his fingers tingling with oncoming numbness. Dick is going to die, he thought helplessly, trying not to choke on it. He’s going to die.

“Agent-- Grays-- Dick,” Tiger said into his comm. “I-- I’m sorry… we--”

Well, Dick thought to himself with a sort of detached humour, this is one fine pickle I’ve gotten myself into.

The seconds on the bomb kept ticking down closer to zero. Dick looked back at the computer, the flashing screen, and back at the bomb. He sighed, far calmer than someone in his situation ought to be. But, if this was the end… well, this was the end.

Resigned to the knowledge he wasn’t getting out of there, Dick walked away from the door and slipped under the desk furthest from the main computer, tucking himself into a neat little ball in the tight space.

“Agent-- Grays-- Dick. I-- I’m sorry… we--”

“I know, Tiger.” Dick said. “It’s okay.”

He couldn’t see the timer on the bomb from there, but he knew there were only seconds left. He closed his eyes. “I--”

The first thing Dick felt when he woke up was confused. The second thing he felt was pain.

He cracked one eye open against the bright white lights above him, trying and probably failing to stifle a groan of extreme discomfort. It took a second for him to realize someone was there, and that someone was talking to him. He slowly, slowly and painfully, turned his head-- his neck was in some kind of semi-brace-- to the side.

Helena was standing to his right, looking over some kind of clipboard in her hand. “You sustained severe internal and external damage from both the blast and the whole building falling down on top of you,” she was saying. “Some burns, mostly lacerations, broken bones and damaged organs. Both your legs are broken-- your right tibia and your left femur, and so is your collarbone and your left humerus. Several ribs. We had to do extensive surgery on your knee, it was all kinds of messed up. Your lungs were severely damaged, one punctured by a rib. Your stomach was also damaged, but not punctured, and you can thank God that your spine is still completely intact.”

She finished her speech, setting the clipboard aside and finally actually looking Dick in the eye. “But despite all that, somehow, you’re expected to make a full recovery. Welcome back to the land of the living, 37.”

There was a hint of a smile in her eye. Dick squinted at her, still struggling to comprehend pretty much everything. All of that went completely unprocessed. “...Huh?” His throat and tongue both felt like sandpaper.

Helena blinked, and looked at her watch. “Oh, your painkillers are probably worn off by now,” She said. “I’ll give you another dose.”

“N--no, I don’t need--” Dick tried to protest on instinct, but the second he tried to move sparks of pain went rocketing up and down his entire body, and he couldn’t stifle his cry of pain this time. Helena nodded.

“I’m giving you another dose.”

Dick watched, detached and still confused, as she administered the painkillers. “So… I’m not dead?”

Helena couldn’t help her smile this time. “No, you’re not dead,” she laughed. “You have the big guy over here to thank for that.”

She pointed towards the other side of the bed, (Dick only just then registered he was in a hospital bed in a private room in the medbay) and Dick-- slowly-- turned his head to look. To his shock, slumped over in the hard plastic chair and fast asleep, was Tiger.

“You have no idea how many agents’ heads he almost bit off demanding we dig you out of there.” Helena continued. “He yelled at me, too, when you got back. A lot. The man has balls of steel. And a soft spot for you, it would seem.”

This time her smile was a little softer, a little indulgent. “I understand the feeling. He refused to go and rest pretty much the entire time you were in surgery-- we could hardly even get him to sit down. He didn’t crash until it was confirmed, with certainty, that you were stable and going to pull through.”

Dick looked back at Tiger with no small amount of wonderment in his eyes. Helena reached down and patted his undamaged shoulder. “Get some more rest, now. I’ll save your debriefing for until you’re a little more lucid.”

With that she turned on her sharp heel and stepped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. Dick watched her go and then turned his head again (moving was easier now that the meds were kicking in) to rest his gaze on Tiger’s sleeping form. He tried to remember if he had ever actually seen Tiger sleep before.

Tiger ducked and sheilded his eyes on instinct when the building exploded, despite knowing they were out of range of debris. He stared at the site as the explosions continued to light up the night sky and tear the building apart, the ground around it ripping up and caving in on itself, knowing and not caring about the openly distraught expression that was surely on his face.

Everyone else watched in silence, and Tiger fought the urge to fall to his knees in the sand.

Dick… no…

No.

Suddenly Tiger face hardened and he clenched his fists, turning back to his team before the dust had even settled.

“Agent 14,” He snapped. “Call in backup, we’re going to need debris removal hardware and a full search team.”

Lucky for everyone around, the agent didn’t protest or question him, just ducked immediately into the shuttle to contact HQ. Tiger turned back to the destroyed facility, determination pulling the lines of his body stiff like stone.

I’m not losing another partner tonight, he thought. I refuse.

I am not losing him.

Tiger jolted awake, jerking in the chair and almost punching himself in the face when the hand he’d propped his cheek on slipped. He shook his head, trying to clear it of lingering bad memories that had chased him into sleep, and caught his eye on movement from the hospital bed before him.

Dick was awake, eyes wide open and slowly trying to reach towards him with his-- mostly-- uninjured arm--

Dick was awake!!!

He almost fell out of his chair, spared a second to feel embarrassed by his displays of clumsiness, and grabbed Dick’s hand out of the air, placing it back at the man’s side on the bed.

“Grayson--” Tiger resisted stuttering when Dick didn’t let him retract his hand, his grip surprisingly strong for someone who had just survived an explosion. “You-- you… idiot.”

He seethed suddenly. “Didn’t I tell you not to do anything stupid! Didn’t I give you clear and strict orders not to--” He cut himself off when he saw Dick start to smile, then smile wider, then start to laugh.

It was a soft and raspy thing, Dick’s voice rough from lack of use in the days he had remained unconscious and sedated, by no objective terms should it have been beautiful in any way--

And yet--

And yet…

Tiger looked away. “Stop that,” He muttered. “Stop it. You could have died. You were going to die. You-- I--”

Words failed him, and Dick’s expression softened. “Sorry,” he said. Not teasing. Not poking fun at anything. Just genuinely apologetic for making Tiger worried, for making Tiger upset. Tch. As if it had actually been his fault at all… no one had predicted the lab would seal itself.

“Idiot,” Tiger said, squeezing Dick’s hand before he could think better of it. It was the only thing he could think to say. Dick grinned again.

“Pretty badass that you yelled at Helena,” he said, and Tiger blinked-- how did he know about that?-- “And you… well, you saved my life. Again. That’s two I owe you now, right? I should say thank you.”

Tiger looked down, finally tuggung his hand free of Dick’s-- and immediately missed the contact. “Idiot,” he muttered again. “You don’t owe me anything. Now get some more rest.” He stood from the chair, and Dick obediently settled back into the pillows.

Tiger walked around the bed towards the door, and made to leave, but paused despite himself in the open doorway. “I’m… glad you’re alright, Dick.” He whispered, unsure if Dick would even hear it. Then he flicked the light off and left, closing the door behind him. He didn’t look back.

No matter how badly he wanted to.

[deluxedolans]

Numbers 93,53, and 149 pleaseeeeee

hi, baby! thank you so much for wanting to see my takes on these prompts💙 I love you and hope you’re having a good weekend!! also sorry this ended up being really long!

A/N: I know absolutely nothing about Fortnite other than Victory Royales, so sorry for any inaccuracies hehe.

I am not currently taking requests for any of the drabble prompts. 💙

Prompts: #93. “You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’”, #53. “That wasn’t very subtle.” & #149. “I just need ten minutes.”

The sun beamed down on your bikini clad body, as you reclined back in your lounge chair, the cool ocean breeze running through your hair. One hand dangled over the side of the chair, your fingers grazing the sand, while the other held a refreshing piña colada. You threw your head back in bliss, your cheeks facing upwards to soak in the heat of the sun. Suddenly, your hand that hung over the side of the chair was embraced by a larger one. You looked down to see Ethan’s hand enveloping your own, rubbing it back and forth as his lips were saying words that you couldn’t understand.

“What?” You asked him, asking him to clarify his words, or speak up so you could hear him. 

In response to  your expression,  he then began to tap your hand in urgency. “Babe, what are you saying?”

“Y/N, wake up! Wake up!” Wake up? You thought you were already awake. Then you felt two pairs of fingers begin to poke into your side …

“Babe, wake up! I have to show you something!” Ethan’s voice rang out throughout the bedroom, his excitement evident.

“Hmmm? I just need ten minutes.” You still weren’t fully awake yet, and to be honest, you didn’t really want to be. From behind your eyelids you could tell it was still dark out and definitely way too early to be woken up.

“Babe, babe, can I just show you something for one second, open your eyes, please!” Ethan shook you gently, and grabbed at your hands, encouraging you to sit up in bed.

“I swear to God if it’s your dick, Ethan, I’m gonna deck you,” you warned, your voice thick with sleep.

“I’m not naked, but if I were, would that be so bad?” Ethan inquired. “I can take you any place, anywhere, anytime–.”

“The time is not now, Ethan!” Since you had yet to make any movements, Ethan scooped you up in his arms. Your eyes popped open at his actions, annoyed at his persistence.

“Look, baby, I got a victory royale again! I played in advanced mode too, so all the guys I placed against were amazing. It was touch and go for awhile but–.”

“So you didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood?” you interrupted, pushing your hair back from your face.

The big grin on Ethan’s face brought warmth to your heart at his happiness, but also disappointment  at the realization that his desperation to wake you up wasn’t because he wanted to fuck you.

“No! See! I won, babe, I won–.” You smiled softly at him, settling back into the pillows. “I’m very happy for you, babe,” you said as you rubbed your eyes, glancing at the TV screen at the front of the room decorated in bright colors indicating Ethan’s victory.

“You gonna come to bed now?” You asked, raising a brow, and patting the space beside you.

Ethan shook his head, reaching back for the controller that was left on his gaming chair, “Nah, I’m probably gonna play for a bit more. I’m sorry for waking you, babe, I just got excited.” Ethan’s smile displayed all of his teeth, his enthusiasm for his PlayStation clear in his facial expression.

“After all that, you’re not coming to bed?” You were incredulous; Ethan literally woke you up in the middle of the night to tell you about him winning a round of Fortnite, (which was not surprising in the slightest), but the fact that he woke you up and wouldn’t come cuddle was a little annoying.

“Nope, I’m gonna play a few more rounds. You can go back to bed, though, baby.” You ran a hand over your face at Ethan’s words; you were wide awake now. You always had a hard time sleeping when Ethan wasn’t right there next to you; when you had laid in bed hours earlier, your head was settled on Ethan’s bare chest, and his arm was wrapped around you tightly, but now the space next to you felt cold and lonely, the need for your boyfriend growing stronger with each passing moment.

You sighed softly, trying to cuddle down under the covers. You slid open your phone, and noticed you’d received a few texts while you were asleep. One was from your mom saying good night and that she missed you, the other was from your best friend, Annie, responding to a meme you had sent, and the other was from an unknown number. Curious, you clicked the contents of the text to see what this mystery person had said:

Unknown (11:32 PM):

Hey Y/N, it’s Mike. I’m drybk rn, and just wanted to say I miss u

You internally rolled your eyes. Mike was a guy from your Intro to World History class that you had to do a year long project with last semester. Mike was very nice at the beginning of the year; always offering for you two to work on the project at his place, and buying supplies for the assignment. However, whenever you and Mike would go to the house you shared with the twins to work on your project, you could feel Ethan attempting to contain his possessiveness from a mile away; constantly interrupting the conversations you two would have regarding any class notes, his eyes narrowing whenever you’d laugh at a joke Mike would make, and continuously walking by you two in the living room, making sure that nothing suspicious was occurring.

In spite of the fact that Ethan trusted you, he always had gotten bad vibes off of Mike; Ethan claimed that he could just tell that Mike had a crush on you. However, you were fully, and completely in love with Ethan and you were deeply convinced that Mike didn’t see you that way; all things that you reiterated to Ethan time and time again, but still, his concerns surrounding your history project partner persisted.

You scrolled on to the next message,

Unknown (11:35PM):

I miss when we’d order pizza and hang out

Hang out? You guys were working on your history project …  you weren’t “hanging out”.

Unknown (11:36PM):

Are u ignoring mw????

Unknown (11:40PM):

Answer me

Your eyes widened at his urgency; maybe Ethan was right about Mike having a crush on you.

“Babe?” You called out, attempting to drag his attention away from the flashing television screen. Ethan ignored you; too engrossed in his game to hear what you were saying.

“Babe, I have to show you something.” You cringed internally, your current words sounding so familiar to what he said only thirty minutes ago.

“Hang on a sec, babe, I’ll be there in a minute,” Ethan murmured, his fingers punching into the controller furiously as he attempted to shoot down the enemy.

Unknown (12:00AM):

I jsut wanna see ur beautiful fsce and then I’ll be good

The messages went on and on all the way up until one ‘o clock when they stopped.

“Babe, I really need to show you something,” you urged, your eyes practically bugging out of your head as you saw the texts escalate.

“Just let me finish this round, and I promise then I’ll snuggle with you, baby.”

You sighed. Then, your phone began to ring, of course, the number popping up unknown. At first, you thought of ignoring it; clearly you had zero interest in Mike. However, maybe this phone call would finally snap Ethan out of his gaming trance.  

“Hello?”

“Y/N? I’m so glad you answered! I misssss you so much. I need to talk to you,” Mike slurred, his voice loud as he attempted to make his voice heard among the wild background noise.

“Listen, you’re drunk, please stop texting me–..”

Upon hearing your command, Mike’s voice immediately dropped several octaves, “No, you listen to me. Eddie is no good for you, I can be so much better for you.”

“His name is Ethan, you jackass, and I don’t like you that way, please stop contacting me,” you pleaded, your voice raising as you yourself became frustrated. He knew you were in a relationship, and still he was being an asshole.

Ethan’s head turned back quickly when he heard his name, and he paused the game as soon as he saw you were on the phone. He took his headset off, now giving you his full attention.

“Who are you talking to?” Ethan mouthed, his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

You put your phone to your shoulder, blocking the speaker from your mouth, “Just guess.” You responded, hitting a button so the call was on speakerphone.

“He treats you like shit, I bet he can’t even fuck you right with his chode dick. You deserve so much better than him, Y/N, and I can give you that. Come over here and I’ll make you scream just by looking at me–.”

Ethan’s eyes turned dark as soon as he heard Mike’s drunken voice come through the speakers. “You have got to be kidding me right now. I fuckin’ knew it!”

Ethan took the phone out of your hands, his hands shaking with rage, “The only way she’s gonna be screamin’ is when she’s running away from your ugly ass. Don’t you dare call her again. In fact, don’t call my girl, don’t look at my girl, don’t even breathe near my girl. There’s a reason she’s with me and not with you, asshole. I knew you were a fucking prick from the moment I met you–.”

“Y/N, call me when you’re ready for a real man.”

“You motherfucker, you call me when you’re ready to handle this like a real man. Fuck you, you motherfucker, take a hint, she doesn’t want you. We have more fun together in one second than you’ll ever have in your miserable life. If I ever see you even inhale in her direction, I’ll wreck you. Leave her the fuck alone.” And with that, Ethan hung up the phone, his chest heaving, and his free hand balled in a fist.

Ethan’s mouth open and shut several times in both anger and shock.

“I told you so.” Ethan whispered, his eyes narrowed in anger. “Have I mentioned I hate that guy?” EThan growled, pacing around them room.

“Well, no shit. That wasn’t very subtle,” you said flatly, walking after Ethan.

You sighed, “baby, I’m sorry I–.”

Ethan whipped around suddenly, grabbing your hips and pulling you in so your foreheads were touching. “No, you tried to tell me; don’t you dare apologize to me. I’ll be spending the rest of this night making it up to you, and I don’t care if it’s three AM.” Ethan smirked, picking you up by the back of your thighs and walking you back to bed.

[gentlemanmendes]

Philophobia// s.m chapter 1

01:

*Adee*

"Are you even listening to me?" Mia questions me causing me to look up at her blankly, her brown eyes practically burning holes into my soul .

"No." I answer honestly turning my attention back to the roof of our shared dorm.

Letting out a sigh she drops the dress in her hand on her bed before making her way towards me. In one swift move she throws herself on my bed causing me to bounce slightly as she wraps her arms around me.

"I wish I could give you advice but I don't have any." She replies honestly, her tone showing how much it truly disturbed her. I respect Mia more for openly telling me she doesn't know what to say than giving me horrible advice and empty promises that she knows will not help. I suppose she knows me well enough now.

Mia and I met when we where thirteen years old. Her mum had moved into the house just down the street and I was curious and bored. Soon the two of us became friends and would meet up after school to see each other. We never went to the same school though, my mum insisted on me going to a private school where as her mum never had that kind of money. I don't think my mum ever really like Mia which probably made me like her more. At school neither of us had friends but that was okay because we had each other and as soon as we graduated we looked into colleges together so we could start a new life. It was our own new adventure and so we did just that.

Unfortunately our plan didn't go the way we expected it. We always wanted an apartment with a good view, turns our in New York that is a little harder than we expected for two eighteen year old girls who barley had enough money for the tuition let alone a place to live. But as Mia said, it's something and something is always a better start than nothing.

The only problem of rooming with Mia now was the fact that she saw and heard practically   everything that happened in my life. So the argument I had with my elder brother on the phone fifteen minutes ago, she witnessed that. Well what I was shouting back into the phone anyway. But Mia new better than to ask which was why I had always appreciated about her, she respects the boundaries of the things I do not want to share.

"Come on, the party will help take your mind off it." She tells me as she jumps off the bed. She rushes over to her bed and picks up the dress she was previously holding, extending her arm towards me as if signalling for me to take it.

"I'm not wearing that." I inform her, refusing to wear a dress. It is something my mother and I fought about many times. She hated how I refused to dress like a lady but I reminded her that what you wear doesn't define the gender that you are, however she was too close minded to accept my answer.

"Well what are you going to wear?" She huffs slamming herself onto her bed as she looks over at me.

Jumping up, I make sure I am standing so he can see me clearly.

"This." I send her an innocent smile as I gesture to what I have been wearing all day. High waisted boyfriend jeans with a black crop top paired with a pair of good old black low cut converse.

Rolling here eyes she pushes herself off her bed making her way to her wardrobe where she places the dress back on the hook before slipping on a pair of ballet flats.

You know how they say opposites attract, well I never ever believed that until I realised just how different Mia and I truly are but I wouldn't have it any other way. I think we balance each other out. Like salt and pepper; although extremely different in taste, they somehow compliment one another when put together. We bring out the best in each other and protect the worst from others.

"Should I call an uber?" I question picking up my phone from the charger as I make my way to the door.

"No. Tyler said he'd pick us up." Mia cheers as she skips past me with the keys in her hand.

Tyler is Mia's boyfriend of three months. They met online almost two years ago and once she graduated high school she finally agreed to meet him so he flew from New York to San Francisco, where we used to live, to meet her and sure enough the two hit it off. She hadn't wanted to start anything serious with him until she was positive we were moving to New York, which I can't say I blame her, long distance relationships look like they suck. He is turning twenty one and I believe he  is in his second year of studying business management. His mother started some online clothing line and he plans to take it over.

Mia seems happy with him and he is honestly a great guy but it is still early days.

***

The music was loud and my mind slightly buzzing from the drink in my hand but I didn't feel much in the party mood. Usually I would love dancing in the crowd of sweaty bodies but today it just didn't seem too appealing to me.

"Adee." Someone yells but I only notice when I feel someone jump on my shoulders.

Cocking my head to the side slightly I see Mia clinging to me from behind, no doubt a little tipsy. She always becomes childish when drunk, it's honestly quite amusing to watch.

"I want you to meet someone." She cheers excitedly causing me to roll my eyes.

Here we go again.

Mia has a very bad habit of trying to set me up with guys even though she knows very well I don't want a relationship. She thinks it's just a act, that I just want someone who will try harder , but she doesn't get it. She is a lovesick puppy and thinks of life as nothing without love. I can't blame her though. Both parents showered her with love and affection even though they had very little.

When her parents divorced they were civil and did everything in their power to get rid of any tension between them so they could raise Mia happily together. They are actually best friends and went to all of Mia's sports events and even graduation together. Sometimes on Christmas he would join in on their Christmas dinner . At first, Mia admitted to me, that it was weird for her. She was used to seeing her parents fighting but as she got older she learned to respect them for it and is now beyond grateful that even though she has moved on they still remain civil.

I think it gave her hope. Hope that happiness could come from every relationship, failed or not. I on the other hand failed to see things that way.

But being friends with Mia for so long I learned that no matter how much I tell her I don't  want to meet a guy she will go out of her way just to make sure I end up on a date. Surprisingly one trait we both share, she is just as stubborn as I am. When we decide on something we will go through with it no matter what.

Getting off of me, Mia steps in front of me gripping onto my wrist as she pulls me through the crowded house of one of Tyler's friends.

We make our way to one of the back rooms where it is less noisy and sure enough in the corner I see Tyler standing and talking with some random guy dressed in black skinny jeans and a red flannel with the sleeves rolled up  and I immediately know that's where we are heading.

"Shawn." Mia shouts loudly over the music. "This is Adee." The way Mia is smiling makes me want to tackle her to the ground but Mia isn't the violent type which is the only thing that has ever stopped me from hitting her.

She pulls me forward so I am standing directly in front of the stranger who is towering above me. His face is attractive, I must give Mia that. His brown waves on top of his hair are a little messy, his brown eyes warm against his fair skin.

"Hi." He smiles down at me his facial expression brightening as though he was bored and suddenly became interested in being here.

"Hey." I greet awkwardly raising my hand in a small wave.

"I'm shawn." He introduces.

"Adee" I offer.

I have gone through enough of these awkward introductions to know how it plays out. We will awkwardly exchange names, Mia will see that as her cue to leave taking tyler along with her, then the stranger will try hopelessly to start a conversation which I will openly act uninterested in, and then I will make an excuse and leave. I have rehearsed this scenario so many times that I am now a pro at it.

"Well I think Ty and I are gonna go and get a drink." Mia announced as I had predicted. Although she could have come up with a more reasonable excuse considering both her and Tyler had drinks in their hands. But before I could point this out she was already across the room pulling Tyler behind her.

Letting out a reluctant sigh I turn my attention back to Shawn who is awkwardly shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

When shawn notices my attention on him he opens his mouth to speak but I quickly cut him off.

"Look Shawn. Im going to spare us both the pain of the awkward small talk and let you know that I'm not the relationship  type. So I think it's best if we just go our separate ways  and never see each other again." I summarise watching his face clearly to see if I can read his thoughts. The human face gives away everything a person is thinking. I had to learn the hard way to turn that off and it took years of practice, it is hard to control something that comes out of habit but I eventually learned.

He shakes his head as though he is waking himself from a daze before he smiles over at me.

"Great!"he chuckles and I have to stop myself from frowning in response. "Cause I'm not a relationship guy either." He shrugs and I know he is lying which causes me to giggle slightly. He's not a very good actor that's for sure.

"Really?" I quiz not bothering to hide the coy smile playing on my lips.

"Nope not one bit. Zero romance for me please." He over does it causing me to laugh.

"Well Mr Zero Romance, what are you here for?" I wonder, interested to see how he will play this out. In less than ten seconds he has managed to catch my attention which is a very first for me, even maybe an unknown feeling. There is just something about the unknown that tempts me. A mystery with no right or wrong answer. No telling whether you will succeed or fail.

His eyes widen briefly before flickering around the room as though hoping to find an answer written on the walls or something and judging by the way he straightens his posture, I can tell he has found it.

"Sex." he shrugs, in what I think he is attempting a cool way causing me to raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

When I don't respond he looks at me as though he is trying to figure out whether I see through his 'cool boy' act or not which of course I could. I'm pretty sure anyone could. This guy came off as innocent as a butterfly.

"Well then, lets go." I push and have to bite down on the sides of my cheeks to stop myself from laughing at his expression. His eyes have widened to the size of tennis balls and his face has gone blank. In all honesty I'm surprised his mouth isn't hung open to the floor the way they over exaggerate in animations.

When he doesn't respond I press on.

"So your place or mine?" I taunt and that seems to bring him back to reality. He blinks a few times before responding with a mumbled 'mine' that I had almost missed as he eagerly led me out of the party.

He leads me to a black jeep and is quick to get in. I don't pay much attention to the radio that is drowning out the silence, enjoying watching how he was eagerly tapping on the steering wheel and his leg was shaking in anticipation and I knew that I was in for an interesting night. This guy was defiantly not used to having one night stands, I was sure of it.

"Wow, nice place." I breath out in awe as I look around the dark apartment. The only light coming through is the city lights the wide glass windows let in. I had not expected someone so young to live in a place as nice as this.

"Thanks." He says standing next to me as I stare out the window at the city that surrounded us. This was the New York I wanted to be in. This was the New York I fell in love with. Although I had only seen this kind of view from picture I knew this was my dream. And now standing here in this strangers home I knew that I would stop at nothing to get here, not my parents, not my lack of money, nothing.

Reaching into my back pocket, I take out my phone and take a quick picture so I could look back and remember what I was thinking right now.

"So, where's the bedroom?" I wonder turning my attention to Shawn realising that he had just witnessed an intimate moment for me. Even if he hadn't realised it, I still felt emotionally exposed to him and I didn't like that one little bit.

"Oh, right, this way." He says as though he just remembered why we were here. He keeps the lights off as he leads me to the bedroom which is fine with me.

When he turns around I immediately smash my lips against his. He stumbles back, slightly taken off by guard, but quickly regains himself. His hand grips my waist firmly letting me know he has no intentions of moving them causing me to furrow my eyebrows slightly. My hands fumble with the buttons of his shirt before pushing it off of his body. In one swift move I take charge, not that I hadn't been doing that before, by pushing him onto the edge of the bed before removing my crop top and straddling his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck I'm glad when his fingers begin to make there way to the clasp of my bra but that relief is soon gone when he struggles.

"Don't worry I'm pro at this." He breaths out heavily as I begin to suck down his neck.

Growing in patient, I swat his hands away before un clasping it while still working on his hickey. In one swift move I slide my bra off and pull away to find him looking at me impressed.

"Really pro." I sarcastically snort before placing my lips roughly on his again.

Pushing him back so he is now lying on the bed, the last thing I expected was for him to flip us over so I was down bottom and he was hovering over me. Something about taking a jab at a guys ego really gets them annoyed. They feel the need to show off and prove that they are worthy of there masculinity or something.

"Got a condom or would you rather give me half of everything you own?" I quiz and for a few moments he stare at  me confused before realising what I was implying and hurrying away to get what I had asked for.

***

"Wow." Shawn breathed out in awe causing me to bite back a laugh. "That was... That was really good." He stutters slightly causing me to roll my eyes.

Instead of responding I slide off of the bed pulling the sheets with me to cover my naked body even though he had just seen me naked, something about being naked in front of guys at any time other than sex made me feel exposed.

"What are you doing?" Shawn wonders as I begin to get dressed awkwardly behind the sheet.

"Getting dressed." I state the obvious giving an eye roll though he couldn't see because of the lack of light in the room. Dropping the sheet from my body now that I am dressed I crawl around the room to find my socks and shoes. Shawn is watching me from the bed now hoisted up on his arms.

"But I thought that was good?" the hurt in his tone is obvious which causes me to sigh.

Reluctantly, I use the bed to help push myself up so I am now standing in front of the bed. The only problem in going for the nice guys is that they get attached way to easily, besides that they are perfect! They are gentle and sweet and in some ways caring when it comes to sex almost like the appreciate it more, but they just don't understand how it ends. They are innocent to the hurt that this world can cause which is why I stay clear of them. They don't understand what it's like to feel alone like I do. The bad are just those who have suffered a broken heart, the good are just those that have remained unharmed by reality.

"I told you, I don't do relationships." I remind him of what I told him when we first met over an hour ago.

"No. Yeah." He shoots up off of the bed before realizing he was the only person naked in the room and using his hands to cover his member. "I mean no I don't want a relationship but yeah I remember you saying the same thing." He babbles causing me to let out a small chuckle.

I see him frown slightly as though he wasn't sure what he had just said made sense to him let alone anyone else, which only causes me to let out another muffled laugh glad that it is dark so he can't see me clearly.

"I was more suggesting coffee." He shrugs innocently and for a moment I consider it. Something about the blank innocent look playing on his fair features deceives me for a split second to take up his offer. But just as quick as the thought came, it also left.

"I need to get to bed, I have to get up for work tomorrow." I sigh checking the time.

It was already one am and I needed to be up at six if I wanted to make it to work on time. By the time I called a uber, got home, and in bed it would probably be two- thirty. It's a shame I couldn't stay the night in this strangers place the place was gorgeous but it would be weird.

"Well, I'm going to go." I awkwardly state making my way towards the door.

"At least let me give you a ride home." I stop in my tracks at Shawn's offer. It would be good to save a couple of dollars and I wouldn't have to wait for the uber to come here so I would be saving a few minutes as well.

"Just letting you know I hate small talk." I inform him. He nods his head furiously like a little kid agreeing to behave right before they do something wrong.

"Psh, I hate talking.  I will have the music blasting so loud we won't even be able to hear the cars passing by." He assures me. "Let's go." He heads past me through the door, only to look back at me in confusion when I don't follow him.

My eyes trail down his body and quickly back to his face hoping he would understand what I was implying. His eyes widen in shock and a small smile of embarrassment forms on his lips.

"I should probably put some clothes on." He affirmed as though it hadn't been obvious.

"Most likely a good idea." I commented as he walked past me yet again only this time making his way back into his bedroom.   Giving him his privacy I wait out in the main area of the apartment where I admit I snooped around a little while I waited. Though the room remained dark, I stood in the spacious lounge room that was set up so you could get a good view of the city while still getting a view of everything else in the room. The open kitchen and open dining room made the room look a lot bigger and the fact that the room wasn't overfilled with decoration probably helped a lot.

"Now we can go." He assures me, dangling the keys to his jeep in hand as he slips on his shoes.

I want to ask him how he managed to afford a place like this at such a young age but decide against it. It would probably come off as rude, intrusive, or even make it out as though I was interested in him. I learned a long time ago that if you want a guy to know your not interested don't ask him anything about himself. I remind myself that I don't care as I follow him into the lift, downstairs to the underground car park.

I sit in the back seat causing Shawn to give me a funny look as he hops into the drivers seat.

"Where to madam?" He attempts a posh accent and I can't make out whether this is just his goofy personality or if he is mocking me for sitting in the back seat like a snob. Deciding not to over think it too much,I give him my address but he doesn't type it in to his navi confusing me a little but then I wonder if he knows where the campus is from dropping previous girls off at their dorms.

"So what are you studying?" He wonders, watching me from the rear-view mirror as he stops at a red light. I give him a knowing look causing his eyes to widen. "Right! no conversations for little miss anti-social." He recalls as he begins to play around with the radio. I was about to reply with a sarcastic remark but decided against it. I had managed to get him to shut up, if I spoke that might encourage him to start up a conversation.

Before the car has even fully stopped I have already pushed my door wide open and am already out of the car when he puts it in park. However before I have the chance to run away he has pulled down the window and called out to me causing me to reluctantly turn around on the balls of my feet and make my way up to the passenger side window. He is leaning over the passenger seat as though eager to talk to me causing me to roll my eyes. This boy doesn't know when to quit.

"So I'm assuming we will never see each other again."He voiced,his tone giving away that he hoped I would tell him otherwise. Unfortunately you can hope all you want but that won't change anything, seems like that was a life lesson that he hadn't learned yet. It will happen sooner or later, he will get hurt and hope that things would change but realize that the only way things will change is if you try and change them and even then you may not get the response you had hoped for.

"You assume correctly." I summarized hoping to leave no room for him to think or say otherwise.

Rocking back and forwards on my heels with my hands shoved into my pockets, I hope he is an expert at reading body language and knows that I just want to walk away from him.

"Well then, I guess I will never see you again." He smiles causing me to frown slightly. He is smiling, why is he smiling?

"That is the plan." I reply coldly hoping he will somehow read my mind and know that I hate stretched out goodbyes. Why stretch something out over five minutes when it could be over and done with in two seconds?

Knowing that he was enjoying this, I turn away from the car and walk towards my dorm.

"Bye!" He yells loudly once I am a good twenty feet away from the car. The few people who are walking around the campus look over at the car but I refuse to give him the satisfaction. Instead I keep my head down as I hurry away from him to my bed.

When I step into my dorm I am met with only the dim light of the fairy lights hanging over my bed illuminating the room. In the dim light I make out Mia's body crawled up in a ball as she cuddles into her blankets like a child causing me to mentally thank Tyler. For a moment I contemplate on sending him a text to let him know that I was thankful but decide against it. I shouldn't have to thank him for bringing his girlfriend back home safely. Besides I'm sure Mia thanks him for that kind of stuff in other ways.

Mia stirs in her sleep as I pull off my jeans and place them at the end of my bed followed by my bra leaving me in just my underwear and crop top, I should probably shower before work tomorrow but I am too lazy. I suppose that is what dry shampoo and Victoria secret body sprays are for .

"Adee, is that you?" Her eyes stay shut as she mumbles making me stop and wonder whether she is asleep or awake.

"Yeah, it's me." I whisper gently slowly making my way towards her, not wanting to wake her if she is indeed still asleep.

"Were you with Shawn?" For a moment I consider lying. I don't know why but I suddenly felt ashamed of being with him for the past hour and a half.

"Yeah." I answer honestly, uncertainty clear in my voice but thankfully in her drunk, passed out state Mia didn't notice.

"That's good. Shawn's nice." She hums turning over and pulling the blanket tighter to her chest reminding me of an innocent child who still believes in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy.

"I'm sure he is." I answer with doubt as I brush the few messy strands of her blonde shoulder length hair out of her face. "Now get some sleep." I encourage before tip toeing into my bed and switching off the lights.

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

Virginity is a Gift, Use it Well

So, I am horribly stuck when coming to this series of mine. I am rereading it in the hopes to pick up on the muse that was once there and decided to post a snippet on here. I suppose it is longer than a usual snippet but, oh well. *Shrugs*

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            Normally, the warm heat of the classroom would have lulled Draco into a sense of calm. Normally, the heady aroma of the ingredients and the bubbling cauldron would have him at ease in the knowledge that this was the only thing in his life that he could control. Normally, he would have spent several minutes finding the perfect way to ruin Potter’s potion by now. Normally, he would be halfway into a loud debate regarding whether Weasley’s father was going to sell one of their children to keep food on the table.

            Only, Potter and Weasel were ruining this by being bloody weird.

            Today, Snape had them partnered up. Typically, that meant that Granger and Weasley were a unified front, especially considering the two were now an item. Draco shuddered at the thought. Salazar, he wasn’t sure which one had the worst of it in regard to the relationship. He wouldn’t wish either of them on another person.

            Instead of Potter teaming up with Longbottom, he chose to partner with Weasley at the back of the room. He had seen Granger frown at them in suspicion, so whatever was going on, she was just as clueless as he was. Which he figured was her karma for being so insufferable in the first place. Serves her right.

            It wasn’t necessarily that they teamed up that was so odd, it was their unusual behavior. They had been arguing from the moment they arrived, leading Draco to assume they had been quarrelling long before they reached the classroom.

            Since they were behaving out of character, he decided to work in the back of the room as well. Naturally, of course.

            Snippets of their not-so-quiet whispered debate had reached his ears from time to time. He didn’t have as much time as them to gossip, since he was flying solo on the potion. Zabini had been foolish enough to take that drivel the Weasel twins were selling to get out of class. It had worked as intended, he fainted alright, just never woke up. The other end of the disgusting sweet hadn’t worked as it should. So, the unfortunate bastard was lying in the hospital wing, missing out on all of this oddness.

            “Have you gone mental?” Weasel’s unpleasant voice carried over to where Draco was studiously counting his counterclockwise stirs.

            “I know you don’t understand it, Ron.” The frustration in Potter’s tone had him arching a curious brow.

            “That’s the only thing you have said all day that makes sense!” A pause. “Of course I don’t understand it. Are you sure you haven’t been cursed or poisoned?”

            The scoff Potter released was so harsh, Draco wondered if it had hurt. Couldn’t hurt to wish, right?

            “I take offense to that.” Potter crossed his arms and stirred the potion the wrong way. Bloody idiot. The instructions were clearly on the board and yet the golden boy wondered why Severus treated him so badly.

            “It isn’t something I just decided on a whim, you know. I thought long and hard about this. It’s what I want to do.” Draco furrowed his brows as he wondered what they could be talking about. He hated that he was getting so caught up in this. It wasn’t as if they actually mattered. He shook his head as he decided to just ignore them. With his resolve firmly planted, he focused on his work.

            “Besides, it’s my arse on the line. Literally.”

            Draco could practically see his resolve burning in a spectacular show of mental Fiendfyre. The statement had him horribly hooked and he begrudgingly hung onto wherever this argument was taking them. Damn Potter.

            “Oh God.” Weasel let out a pitiful moan, almost to the point of exaggeration. “Are you trying to make me ill? Is that what you are aiming for? Because if so, then just send me to Hospital Wing now.” Well, no one said the Weasleys weren’t dramatic.

            Potter huffed as he threw in way too many bat spleens. Draco knew the potion was unredeemable now. There was a flash of vindication that filled him as the putrid smell of their concoction wafted around the room.

            “Potter, Weasley.” The two in question startled in surprise to see Snape towering over them with a sneer in place and anger raging in narrowed eyes.

            “I sincerely detest interrupting your important conversation. So important that you have neglected to use your brains. Limited as they were to begin with.” Draco couldn’t stop the smirk if he had tried.

            Weasley spluttered inelegantly. Not that Draco expected anything less.

            “Which one of you dunderheads thought it would be a brilliant idea to use Billywig Sting instead of Billywig Slime?”

            All eyes were now on their table, so Draco felt no shame in leaning forward to observe them better.

            “It would appear that you need glasses Weasley. The instructions are written right there.” The man gestured behind him to the board. “Unless of course, you just can’t read.”

            Ah. The red hue to the freckled face was always one of Draco’s favorite sights to see. Whether Weasley was shamed or angered, it mattered none. The result led to the boy being uncomfortable and that was always Draco’s goal.

            “If it was you Potter, then I fear you are a lost cause. Can’t cite that you can’t see, now can you?”

            If there was anything that Draco liked better than an angry Weasley, was definitely an angry Potter. The way the other boy’s vivid green eyes darkened in rage was honestly a sight to see. It always fueled his own satisfaction every time he got under Potter’s skin.

            “No, sir.” Potter spat out as he clenched his fists.

            Snape vanished the contents of the wretched potion with a lazy flick of his wand. “Zero marks, again.” There was a smirk quirking at the corner of thin lips. “I want a thirteenth-inch essay on where you went wrong and how you could have fixed your mistakes. Due next class.” A billowing of black robes and the man was on his way back to his desk.

            “Longbottom, five points from Gryffindor for not letting your classmates know they were making a mistake.”

            Draco had to hold in the low whistle that was threatening to come out. Merlin, his head of house was on form today.

            “But Sir-” Granger piped up in confusion but also with a horribly annoying persistence.

            “Don’t question my decisions. Another five points.” Draco bit his lip in an attempt to stall his laughter as he began to bottle his potion into several vials.

            When they were dismissed, Draco noted that Weasley and Potter were still arguing with each other. He couldn’t deny that his interest had been piqued a long time ago. Despite being close to the doors, the two had waited for everyone else to leave before heading out. That alone sparked enough of a reason to follow them at a slower pace.

            “See what I mean? Just talking about it ruined our potion. Imagine actually following through with it!” Ron pointed out as they left the room.

            Harry sighed heavily. He was sick of this argument. He just wished Ron would let it go already.

            “Yes, because our hypothetical discussion was what ruined the potion. It couldn’t possibly be our lack of attention.” He rolled his eyes at his best friend.

            “Don’t get caught up in the details.” Ron warned. “That is beside the point. Explain to me again why you want to do this.”

            Harry grabbed Ron’s elbow to drag him down the opposite direction the rest of the class had gone. He didn’t want to be overheard.

            “I already told you. I feel as if things with Voldemort are going to pick up soon and I don’t want to die a virgin, not if I can help it.”

            Ron leaned up against the wall with pinched brows and a mouth curled in distaste. “I can understand that, I can. But why does it have to be him?” The last word was said with more confusion than disgust but the message was still clear.

            The question wasn’t one without merit. Harry had been asking himself that for months. Even after everything that had happened between the two of them, he couldn’t help but gravitate towards the other boy. It was as if they were two magnets on opposite ends of a room. Despite their hectic lives trying to keep them at warring ends, they kept inching forward until they met in the middle with such force that it ended in harsh fights and horrid insults. He looked back to Ron a little helplessly.

            When they locked eyes, Harry tried to convey what he was feeling with a meaningful glance. There was frustration mounting inside of himself at not really knowing his own feelings on the matter. For whatever reason, it did have to be him. It was always him.

            “There’s just something about him, you know?”

            “Fuck no.” Ron vehemently shook his head. “Unless you are talking about a stuck-up git with an unhealthy fascination for his father, then yes, I do know.”

            Harry rolled his eyes. “Why are you begrudging me of my choice? I am not saying I am going to marry him. I just want him to shag me senseless.”

            “What did I tell you about sending me to the Hospital Wing?” Ron’s face had turned a sickly green shade, causing Harry to let out a low chuckle in response.

            “I wish I hadn’t told you.” Harry mumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I knew you weren’t going to agree with me but I didn’t think you would push the issue like this.”

            “I am your best friend.” There was an almost hurt quality to his tone. “And as your best friend, it is my duty to make sure that you don’t make the biggest mistake of your life by sleeping with someone like that.”

            Harry’s mouth twitched. “His qualities are the very reason I want him.” He pointed out.

            “You really have been cursed, haven’t you?”

            Harry couldn’t help but laugh at the seriousness to Ron’s facial expression.

            “Why don’t you pick someone else? What about Ginny? I am sure she would be okay to sleep with you. She’s fancied you for ages.”

            “Are you seriously offering up your sister?” Harry asked incredulously.

            “Desperate times call for desperate measures, Harry.”

            Harry groaned and knocked his head against the wall. “Even if we were to ignore the fact that she is like a little sister to me, she doesn’t have the things I am looking for.”

            Ron scoffed before scowling. “What is that? A permanent sneer and a holier-than-thou attitude? Because I got to tell you, those are horrible qualities in a person.”

            “When Ginny magically grows a cock and loses the breasts, then we can have this conversation again.” Harry said rather dryly.

            “Oh sweet Merlin.” Ron shuddered violently. “What a horrible mental image! Don’t ever say that again.”

            “I was trying to make a point. I don’t want your sister. I don’t want a girl. I want a boy. Preferably him.”

            “Say he turns you down, or makes a mockery of you. Then what are you going to do?” Asked Ron with a hint of worry. Harry knew his friend was only looking out for his well wishes but the repetitive conversation was taking its toll on him.

            “I guess I’ll have to come up with a backup plan.” He paused for a moment. “Do you think if I was of age, Snape would ever…” Harry trailed off expectantly.

            The way Ron spluttered and then choked, probably shouldn’t have amused Harry so much.

            “No. Hell no. What is wrong with you?” Ron was as pale as Nearly Headless Nick. “Are you a masochist? Because you are just asking for pain. First him and now Snape.”

            Harry grinned widely. “I suppose I could be. I’ll have to explore that at a later date.” He really was having too much fun. Watching the different hues Ron’s face could turn was the highlight of his day so far.

            “That isn’t a backup plan. That is suicide.” Ron shook his head rapidly. “I can’t let you proposition that dungeon bat. That would make me the worst friend in the history of shitty friends. I guess I will have to settle for your first option.” The reluctance was thick.

            Harry perked up immediately. “You mean that? You aren’t going to question me anymore?” Regardless of what Ron thought about the whole thing, he was going to do it anyways. It just would be nice to have the support of his best friend.

            “Oh, I’m going to question you about it. Probably wonder what the hell you were thinking for the rest of our lives. Then, I am going to silently and publicly judge you.”

            “But…?” Harry grinned widely at the resigned sigh the redhead let out.

            “But I will respect your decision.”

            It took a lot of willpower to not whoop out loud. But Harry figured his giant grin was good enough.

            “It isn’t exactly going to be easy.” Ron mused as he scratched his chin. “You don’t have the best history with each other.”

            Harry rolled his eyes. That was entirely obvious.

            Ron released a resigned sigh. “What are you going to do, walk up to Malfoy and say, ‘I know you’ve been an utter prat for almost five years but do you think you can stick your cock up my arse, so that I won’t die a virgin?’”

            Before Harry could so much as roll his eyes, a new voice spoke up.

            “What an intriguing offer.” The drawling voice had their eyes widening. Harry was filled with mild horror and drowning in embarrassment. Merlin, help him.

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Here is to hoping that my muse magically appears as I try to finish this series. If you are interested in reading the rest of this story, have no fears. That is done and already has a sequel, or two. Check it out here.

[iamvegorott]

Returned Chapter 8

Honesty

“Hello, this is Seán McLoughlin and I would like to cancel my appointment with Alec.” Jack stated into the phone, sitting on his kitchen table. “No, I do not wish to reschedule, goodbye.” He hung up the phone before the receptionist could say anymore. Jack let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead. “I could have used that insurance on a real doctor.”

“How do you know that Alec is working with Vince?” Mark asked from the laptop that was on top of the counter in front of Jack.

“Why would Vince bring him up if they weren’t?” Felix asked back, voice cutting off a little as he adjusted his microphone.

“The way he said it made it sound like he knew Alec very well.” Jack added.

“Vince might just be fucking with you.” Wade suggested. “He’s clearly psychotic and since he’s able to have his conscious be wherever he wants, he probably overheard you talking about or to Alec. It’s not hard to believe that Vince would try to use that against you.”

“That actually makes a lot of sense.” Bob agreed.

“I only act dumb for the views.” Wade chuckled.

“Sure you do.” Mark teased.

“Hey, rude.” Wade scoffed with a smile.

“Why did Alec let you know where Vince is?” Felix wondered out loud, cutting off the mild laughter the other men were having.

“I asked and I was a stubborn ass about it.” Jack answered, trying to figure out what Felix was saying.

“How many times did you really ask? Or did you only have to be stubborn for a second before he caved?” Jack raised his brows in realization. “He’s a professional, it would take a whole hell of a lot to make him give up confidential information.”

“We’ll deal with that later, what we need to worry about is who sent those gray creatures after Jack and Signe. If it wasn’t Vince, who else could it be?” Bob said.

“And why would they suddenly take them all away and bring Jack and Signe back home?” Mark added.

“I did that last part.” Jack said softly.

“What?” The four other men said in unison.

“I mean, I don’t know if I got rid of them, but we’re pretty sure I was the one who teleported me and Signe back to my room.” Jack picked at his finger.

“So, what you’re saying is-”

“You’re magical!?” Felix’s shout cut off Wade’s comment.

“I guess.” Jack shrugged. “According to Signe, I was the one who healed Mark so quickly.”

“Holy shit.” Bob gawked.

“Thank, man...I think.” Mark said.

“I have no idea how to control it and the only other magical people that I know are Vince and Alec and Vince is a major douche and I don’t trust Alec anymore...” Jack’s voice trailed off when his phone started ringing. “Well, speaking of the devil.”

“Put him on speaker, we’re here for you.” Felix said. Jack took a deep breath, cleared his throat and then answered his phone.

“Jack? Why did you cancel your appointment? Is everything okay? Is something happening?”  Alec’s voice had concern in it.

“Why are you working with Vince!? Why have you been lying to me!?” Jack snapped, voice a lot louder than intended.

“I’m not working with Vince, but I guess you could say I’m working for him since-”

“So, you’re his henchmen!? His fucking lackey!? Are you even a real doctor!? Have you been trying to make me worse this entire time!? Why would you work-”

“I’m his therapist as well.” Jack stopped, somehow understanding Alec through his screams.

“His therapist?” Jack repeated.

“Most therapists have more than one patient at a time, Jack. I’ve been trying to help Vince ever since that day and he’s made zero progress. I’m doing everything that I physically, mentally and magically can to help him and I’ve seen nothing come out of it. I fear that he may be too far gone and I don’t want that to be so, no doctor ever wants to believe that they can’t help their patients, our entire existence is to help others  and if we can’t help them, then why are we here?” Jack heard a creak and saw that Signe was standing at the end of the kitchen, sorrow, and empathy in her eyes. “But with what I’ve already seen with you, I know that you will get better, you will get through this, but you need to keep seeing me, you need to attend your appointments and do the assignments because I do not want you to end up like Vince. I need you to tell me everything.” Jack looked back at his computer and saw that his friends had a wide variety of facial expressions, showing what they were thinking. Mark was pleading with Jack to do what Alec says, Wade looked unsure, Bob was stuck in the middle of which way to go and Felix looked unconvinced. “Jack? Are you still there? Jack?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” Jack chewed the inside of his lip. “I need you to answer a question for me before I decide.”

“What is it?”

“Why did you let me know where Vince was so easily?” Jack heard Alec sigh.

“I was hoping that seeing the person who he hurt the most would affect Vince in some way and that maybe seeing Vince would make you fully trust me, knowing that you could end up like that if you didn’t continue getting help while you’re still sane.” Alec stated.

“You’ve been planning this since our first meeting, haven’t you?”

“Yes.” Alec admitted. “I’ve worked with people like you, people who were suffering to a very similar degree and usually seeing the one who caused their harm is the final setting stone to getting helped.”

“I’ll come back, I’ll do everything you say, but under one condition.”

“Yes?”

“No more lying to me. No more hiding things. No more planning things behind my back. You are you be honest and straight to the point with me.” There was a pause before Alec spoke.

“You have my word.”

“I’ll see you Friday.” Jack said before hanging up, setting his phone down and groaning. “I’m ready for a nap.” He said as Signe walked over to him.

“I’m proud of you.” Signe gave Jack a kiss on the cheek.

“Ew!”

“Gross!”

“Get a room!” Mark, Wade, and Bob all teased while Felix scratched the top of his head.

“I still don’t like him.”

[coreymichaelsmithson]

The Spaniard

I was once given a gift of love by a stranger.

It lasted only a few hours of one evening, but it seemed like an époque, an age of unalloyed bliss. I could, of course, elucidate for you the mechanics of our pleasure … pepper this text with explicit particulars, offer up all the "naughty bits" that people love to fixate on. With a few choice expletives, I could stir your discomfort or your titillation, your outrage or your envy. But I'll spare you all that, and share with you instead the emotional epiphany that bloomed within this one encounter. Trust me, as I lead you into and out of the hothouse.

The stranger and I walked towards one another from opposite ends of a hallway … both of us clad only in towels, striding barefoot by closed doors, from behind which we could hear all the moans and slaps and sighs of a place like this, a place where men gather to lose themselves in pleasure, or pain, or both. In the dim center of the hall, we passed one another, unable to see much more than our outlines … for in a house of red lights, there are only silhouettes, blurry and unfixed suggestions, just enough visibility to define a few salient details. You can see things that suggest the paintings of Francis Bacon: cages, metal rails, open mouths, anatomy lit by televisions or neon, torsos half-cloaked in shadow, limbs dangling from slings, nightmarish smears instead of faces. Club music pulses from hidden speakers. If you have a checklist of sorts, and many men do, you could stand under a bare bulb, and see if each potential dance partner passes muster ... but you probably wouldn’t glean very much, because certain kinds of dark have a real thickness to them.

I could not see him, but I could feel him, even from a distance.

The gravity in the room had changed. Suddenly, we were like two comets of equal mass, each interrupting the other's trajectory, turning until we were in a locked orbit around one another, spinning together through the glittering dust of space and time. He guided me backwards through the hall, until we stood under a lantern, and we looked into one another's eyes, and everywhere else, and nothing that I saw under the scarlet lamp surprised me, save for the irresistibility of his dimples. But in that moment, I knew him, and he knew me.

The first thing I did was to place my hand upon his heart, and he placed his own hand atop it. I reached up with my free hand, and ran my fingers through his beard, and he did the same with mine. The hair on his jaw was soft, luxuriant. He closed his eyes, and I could feel his grin more than I could see it. Everything else fell away: the DJ's music and its insistent "untz-untz-untz", the reek of poppers and desperation, the nearby custodian with his latex gloves and disinfectant. We were alone.

Arm in arm, we walked back to the room I had rented. It featured a narrow twin-sized bed, with the cheap kind of plastic-covered mattress that is easy to clean. There was a storage locker beneath, and a monitor on a tilted bracket, and a mirrored wall. Not much for décor, but it was sufficient.

After an initial, overpowering rush of ardor, we strung our remaining hours together with long passages of conversation. I learned all that I could. He was an architect, and a polyglot … born and raised in Spain, now living in Germany and working in France. While men in other rooms around us groaned through their catalogue of kinks, their grunted litanies, the architect and I just lay there, naked and entwined, and talked about art. We talked about Matthias Grünewald's "Crucifixion", the interpenetrating forms of Moshe Safdie's "Habitat 67", the genius of the Centre Georges Pompidou, and Moroccan food. We talked about Serge Gainsbourg, Divine, Carravaggio, the Taj Mahal, Versailles, Berlin's decadent years, and Bernini's "Ecstasy of St. Theresa" … to which, a short while later, my facial expression would be favorably compared. Our conversation flowed with such ease, such candor … it seemed we had been friends for years, rather than minutes. Obviously, we did much more than talk, but our dialogue was every bit as stimulating as all of the nonverbal, concupiscent business.

Men in our culture are trained from an early age to avoid intimacy. Vulnerability and emotional availability are seen as a weakness. Even platonic affection is looked upon unfavorably. The "bro-hug", in which the two parties' bent arms and clasped fists form a boundary, a barrier to real closeness, is an unsatisfying expression of our anxiety. Men are so starved for touch that we sexualize and even pathologize our needs; love becomes horseplay in the locker-room, trust becomes violent sport, lust becomes wrestling, and curiosity becomes a secret assignation in an underground cave. Men are encouraged to swallow their emotions, wall up their desires, and refrain from physical bonding. As a result, some butch dudes are drawn to heavy BDSM scenes as a way of coping with this conflict … own pain before it owns you, use ritualized shame to regain a sense of control. “Real men” punch each other instead of kissing. “Real men” rape or get raped.

In this setting, in this harsh climate, two men lying peacefully in each other's arms can feel like a revolutionary act.

All around us, we heard sounds of guys hurting one another, or begging to be hurt. All of the devils in Hell were howling. Masculinity became a showy, loud parade of safewords and signifiers, and from behind a hundred closed doors rose a chorus of denials, denigrations, demands. Meanwhile, in the midst of all this, the architect and I embraced. As our neighbors spat and hurled invective at one another, the Spaniard and I examined, and fondled, and praised all that we touched. We took our time to explore, without fear of reprisal or rejection, and to enjoy all the soft, yielding sensations of adoration.

What I remember most is the sense of permission. Permission to touch, to look, to sniff, to taste, to explore, to enjoy. Permission to relax, to be present, to lounge lazily together on the cheap mattress, nuzzling, with neither goal nor expectation. I rested my head on his chest while he pressed words and kisses onto my brow. Later, during one of our numerous sweating ascents, as we worked together towards our white hot rewards, I stared upwards into his eyes, and received his gaze in return, holding his face between my hands as we moved in unison. We felt unashamed. There was nothing dirty in our coupling, nothing furtive or tainted. It was pure.

A few hours later, after a refreshing shower, we left the bathhouse together and walked through Capitol Hill, ground zero of Seattle's queer life. As a teenager, I had spent a great deal of time there. When I was a young punk-tinged faggot in the height of the AIDS era, this neighborhood was holy ground. It was the first place where I saw that love could be weaponized. It was the first place where I wore queer clothing, hung out with my queer friends, raised my fist in queer solidarity. It was where I could try on various adolescent identities to see what would stick: affected conceptual artiste, potsmoking poet in a black beret and hoop earring, goth queen with runny mascara and ratted hair, pacifist protestor in army jacket and combat boots. Capitol Hill was my real schoolhouse, long after I had abandoned the silly structures of high school. I explained all of this to the Spaniard as we strolled, arm in arm, through the soft, tepid drizzle.

He wanted to sit for a while. We found a quiet, romantic restaurant, the kind of joint with pressed tin ceilings and good lighting. The kitchen was closed, but he got a beer and I got a coffee. There, away from the red bulbs, away from the growling animals, I could look deeply into his eyes, and really study him, and I found that he was even more beautiful than before.

But for all of his graces, and there were many, the Spaniard had one very strange, slightly unsettling aspect … his face kept changing.

It wasn't just his expression. He looked utterly different from moment to moment, shockingly so. His ethnicity was impossible to guess. All the countries of Eurasia battled for supremacy over his features; sometimes he appeared Greek, sometimes Italian, sometimes Turkish, sometimes Dutch. Between sentences, his eye color changed, his nose grew longer or shorter, his cheekbones raised or lowered, his hair thinned or thickened. I've known a few shapeshifters in my life, and have studied other historical ones, people like Feodor Chaliapin, but I have never before encountered one as startlingly adept as this. If I were not so completely convinced of his kindness, his abundant and quite obvious goodness, I would be terrified by the plasticity of his appearance. I gasped aloud a few times as I watched it happen. I knew that I was not going mad, that I was not hallucinating. His face was transforming itself before my eyes. He was an angel who couldn't choose which human skin to wear.

We lingered for a long while, trying the patience of the waitstaff, who were probably eager to finish up their tickets for the evening. We talked about his life in Germany, his upcoming teaching appointment at a university in France. We talked about our relationships, the failures and the successes, the crushed dreams and the enduring flames. We tried to compress as many of our life stories as we could into the tiny space between us.

I told him about the fate of my poor William, who slid into a spiral of drugs and madness and loneliness, a decline that ended with his putrefaction in a darkened hallway. The Spaniard listened to all this, wide-eyed and silent, nodding, and he held my hand throughout. After I finished, and was left at a loss for words, surprising myself once again by the intensity of my grief, he came round the table without a word and held me, cradling my head against his bosom, stroking my hair. He did this with no self-consciousness, even though we were sitting right by the front windows, in plain sight of the passersby. It was the sweetest expression of love, abundant love, and I drank of it like a burnt man in the desert.

Shortly after midnight, I walked him back to his hotel. It had gotten colder, after the rain. Our arms remained wrapped tightly around one another the entire time. We came at last to his place, where he would meet his traveling companion; they would head off in the morning to Vancouver, and then onwards to home. We kissed, and then I confessed what I had known, with absolute certainty, since I first placed my hand upon his breast … that I loved him. And I meant it, so much so that I felt as if a part of my heart were being wrenched from its anchors. And then I walked away, smiling but reluctant, shoving my hands into my pockets and leaning into the quickly chilling air. The night collapsed between us like the Red Sea.

It's quite unlikely that I'll ever see him again. He lives, after all, on the other side of the ocean, near the intersection of Germany, France, and Switzerland, where he has all the riches of Europe at his disposal … while I live in a vapid cultural wasteland, where teenagers eat detergent and racists burn their shoes. I'm desperately poor, and don't know how I could possibly get back to that part of the world.

But, it doesn't really matter, anyway. He gave me the gift that I needed. Right as we were about to part, I realized, as he held his lips against mine, that the intensity of our coupling was as much a matter of urgency as it was pleasure. Seeing the approaching end of something brought every moment into sharp relief. Yes, we met in a lurid place, and yes, our romance could only last for one evening. But the fleeting nature of this encounter helped give shape to our joy, definition to our goodwill. Our dalliance was not the vast ocean of a long marriage, with many tempests and calms; ours was a tiny alpine pond, ringed with wildflowers and glinting in the sun, lasting only a season, or a tidepool that came alive for a few hours, rippling atop a shoreline rock. In its brevity it was perfect. In the days to come I will think of him, and cherish our one flawless night, turning it over and over again in my mind like a faceted jewel, a gem made more brilliant by its rarity. And the next time I'm asked what it means to fall in love at first sight, I will recall the Spaniard, and his devastating dimples, and his gentle radiance … and while I must keep for myself much of what he whispered to me, in the dark, I will later relay in short conversational bursts our glimpse of heaven, our small but significant triumph over wickedness, and what we discovered together in the middle of the bathhouse, way down in the lowly maze where men descend together, into the depths, under the infernal glare of red.